Bobby's Baby Powder

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

Speaker 1 These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Speaker 1 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Speaker 1 Hey guys, you guys love loved ones? Loving loved ones is important. And Valentine's good.
Valentine's Day is next week, and I'll be in Boston. If you're not there, four shows.

Speaker 1 At the Big Brother Wilbert. At the Wilbert.
They're doing four shows. Yeah.
Bring your loved ones. Yeah.
Come out, Boston. Come see me.
February 14th and 15th.

Speaker 1 And then the week after that, in Minneapolis, Minnesota, I'm doing four shows. I'm filming my special.
Please come out and see it. My Hulu special will be taped in the beloved Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Speaker 1 Go to AndrewSantino.com for those tickets. AndrewSantino.com.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 white dude and an asian dude

Speaker 1 you two are disgusting

Speaker 1 oh look at this this is great news sesame street welcomes tj the first filipino american muppet

Speaker 1 finally finally dude dude finally

Speaker 1 finally dude yeah

Speaker 1 what do the comments say anything rude we made it we made it

Speaker 1 he's studying to be a nurse right

Speaker 1 somebody said that

Speaker 1 yeah that's so really funny sesame street welcomes first nurse nurse puppet here's what i don't get and may i may can i can i ask you a question yeah about sesame street yeah is there a chinese one yeah

Speaker 1 what elmo yeah no elmo chainy

Speaker 1 elmo chinese

Speaker 1 yeah you know look i can tell you what everybody is just based on it that's oh yeah yeah all right let's okay let's go that's Ernie right? That's yeah, that's no specific.

Speaker 1 Ernie is 100% he's Puerto Rican. Ernie is obviously Puerto Rican.
Oh, yeah, Ernie, Ernie. He's Puerto Rican.
Okay. All right.
Oh, is this the first?

Speaker 1 Which one's the Muppet?

Speaker 1 Which one's the Muppet?

Speaker 1 Asian Muppet. Her name is G-Young.
That is not an Asian Muppet. That's not Asian.
That's not on the show. On the show.
That is on the show. That is on the show.
But also, that's not... G.
Young.

Speaker 1 That's not an Asian. She's got a little Michael.
She's Korean. She's Korean.
That girl looks Spanish. That looks like a Spanish Muppet.
Yeah, Yeah, they didn't want to mess. You know what it is?

Speaker 1 You know, at Jim Henson's, you know, factory or wherever? Yeah. You know, the eye drawer?

Speaker 1 You got to go back to the eye drawer.

Speaker 1 You know the drawer they use? There's our dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There we are. Here we go.
This is the OG. This is the OG crew.
Okay, so let's see.

Speaker 1 First up is Bert. What's Bert? Bert.

Speaker 1 Bert's gay. Yeah, I know Bert's gay, but

Speaker 1 he looks Eastern European. He's Slavian.
With eyebrows.

Speaker 1 Slavakian. Yeah.
Yeah, I agree. Just with the eyebrows.
And then what about Cookie Monster? Cookie Monster is Armenian. He is.
Is he not? Yeah, bro, bro. Eat your cookies.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Armenian for sure. He drives a white Mercedes.
Yeah, yeah. What about Grover down in the left-hand corner?

Speaker 1 Let me think about Grover.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Autism.
Yes, he's autistic. Okay,

Speaker 1 autism? Right? But what's his nationality? What is, well, no, no, what's his race? Race, I mean, yeah. What is Grover's race, we think? I would imagine.

Speaker 1 Spanish, fancy.

Speaker 1 Exactly, dude. Exactly.
That's what they're like.

Speaker 1 Sir. When they colonized, there was a million of those.

Speaker 1 We're going to take your

Speaker 1 skin your country.

Speaker 1 Imagine on the beach.

Speaker 1 Go back to the original picture. Yeah.
This is the most interesting one that I want your advice on because I know you're intelligent and the way that you operate is so astute.

Speaker 1 You can always call it out. I want to see the picture of the crew.
Okay. Of all the crew, the original Muppet gang.
Okay. I got to tell you.
Okay, here we go. Who is? Well, he's not even in this.

Speaker 1 I was going to say, Big Bird. What is Big Bird?

Speaker 1 Big Bird. What is Big Bird? Big Bird's a bird.
No, dude. What

Speaker 1 race is Big Bird?

Speaker 1 I think he might be black. Is it a guy? Big Bird? Yeah, yeah.
Who knows, right? They kind of keep it. Okay, oh, what about Grover? We did Grover.
Not Grover. What's the brown guy?

Speaker 1 The dog to the

Speaker 1 fuzzy, fuzzy. Not the right, to the left.
Oh, oh, the dog is.

Speaker 1 Dog Mark.

Speaker 1 What is his name, dude? Yeah, right there. Ralph.
Ralph. Yeah, Ralph.
I mean, we know what Ralph is. We don't even know what.
We don't even need to know what he is. Go ahead, man.
No, you go ahead.

Speaker 1 No, you go ahead, man. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm lost.
You said you know what it is. I mean, he looks

Speaker 1 like an adopted black kid.

Speaker 1 By a white family? Yeah, the white family. Look at the way he's doing his hair now.

Speaker 1 He wants to fit into the family, right? So he got straightened. That's not fair.
Yeah, that's not fair. You're right.
Yeah, yeah. Go back.
Look at him. What about Fozzie Bear?

Speaker 1 See, Fozzie plays jazz. Yeah, Fozzie's dope.
He's cool as shit. He's black.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And what's the woman...

Speaker 1 What about Miss Piggy? Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 I mean. Who is Miss Piggy? What race would Miss Piggy be?

Speaker 1 I mean, if you were to talk about anyone trans, that's, I think, Miss Piggy. Miss Piggy's trans.
It's got to be trans. You think so? Yeah.
Yeah. And so Kermit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Kermit doesn't have, he's like, he's asexual. I think he is an asexual.
Yeah, he's an incel. Honestly, dude,

Speaker 1 the mind of a man to come up with a world of Muppets.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Here's another thing. The mind of the people that...
How do you write?

Speaker 1 A song for Sesame Street. You and I can do one right now? No, you can't.
Yeah, we can. Mathematics, twice.
You're already on it.

Speaker 1 That's the number two. Press the record right now.
Yeah, yeah. Mathematics, three times.
Right?

Speaker 1 That's the number three.

Speaker 1 Okay, how about this? Yeah, you go. Ready? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to.

Speaker 1 I'm a producer. Yeah.
And you're a writer. Yeah.
Listen, dude, we need to

Speaker 1 write a song. Kids don't know about vegetables, dude.
That's right.

Speaker 1 That's right.

Speaker 1 Dude, that writer, like, being confused and kind of scared is funny. That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And we need Pronto, dude. So we eat all the vegetables, as many vegetables as you can, and no fruits.
Got it.

Speaker 1 That rider. Got it.
You got it. Yeah.
Got it. We need in 20.

Speaker 1 20 days?

Speaker 1 Minutes. Minutes.
Yeah, yeah. You need it right now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we do. Really? Yeah.
Okay. And that little Asian rider that you have,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. Or Mr.
Lila.

Speaker 1 Mr. Lilai.
He's my assistant. You're your assistant.

Speaker 1 Maybe he can help. Fine, yeah.
I have to get him off. He's at Scent Store right now working, but I can't.
Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What is it, John? Lilai.

Speaker 1 We have a lot of lying at that store. I know, dude.
They can wait. Oh, my God.
I got something way more important. What is it? We need to write a song about vegetables now.
You need to. We need to.

Speaker 1 Oh, Lili. You don't pay me.
You owe me. John.
You never made me the scent. Oh, that's right.
That's right. All right.
So make it up, right? I need the.

Speaker 1 What is it about?

Speaker 1 Vegetables. Dun dun dun dun.
Celeries, asparagus, and spinach down your hatch. Dun dun dun.
Broccoli. Broccoli.
Broccoli. Stop, stop, stop, stop for a second.
Broccoli. Stop, stop.
Dun, dun, dun.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 If we just do one vegetable, like per phrase, well, dude, I'm trying to do it.

Speaker 1 It'll be the longest song.

Speaker 1 Potato?

Speaker 1 Is it a fruit? Or a vegetable?

Speaker 1 Mushrooms. Mushrooms.
And stop stopping.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 okay we're two different kinds of artists dude do you have the song we're ready to go

Speaker 1 yep yeah yeah we're ready bye lili um yeah okay here we go ready sir well we're gonna play it live on the show what yeah yeah yeah yeah great yeah and what what muppet are we gonna use for this please say big bird please say big bird the new one oh yeah yeah oh the puerto rican one yeah the puerto rican one yeah fuck the filipino the filipino pongo pongo yeah

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 hi pongo do you you have the song for me? Pongo, do you know your vegetables?

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you're supposed to punch.

Speaker 1 I'll read the lyrics.

Speaker 1 Mushrooms. Mushrooms.
Mushrooms.

Speaker 1 That's it, then.

Speaker 1 Cut.

Speaker 1 That's all you got, dude. That's all we got.
You gave me 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 Was it Ellen John on it? Yeah. Everyone's been.
We should have been on Sesame Street. Yeah, look at his little pervasive smile.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you see a man in a van,

Speaker 1 don't get in.

Speaker 1 If you see a man in a van,

Speaker 1 don't get in.

Speaker 1 But if you do get in, know you're karate and taekwondo.

Speaker 1 But you're little.

Speaker 1 So he's gonna get you.

Speaker 1 Tiny way.

Speaker 1 The spray is ready.

Speaker 1 And the whistle blows.

Speaker 1 Try to escape if you can.

Speaker 1 And you

Speaker 1 can. And when you escape them,

Speaker 1 you run.

Speaker 1 And there's 12 of them.

Speaker 1 Chasing.

Speaker 1 They are

Speaker 1 brown.

Speaker 1 But no.

Speaker 1 Race specifically.

Speaker 1 race, but they're brown and they have accent,

Speaker 1 but nothing

Speaker 1 specific,

Speaker 1 but they're not

Speaker 1 illegal.

Speaker 1 No specific race.

Speaker 1 They're not illegal.

Speaker 1 No, they're here totally legal.

Speaker 1 They're not asylums or refugees.

Speaker 1 Call us, Sesame Street. Call us.

Speaker 1 I figured we could make a song for these guys. I got to be honest with you, dude.
This new cologne that you got on is so good. It's driving me nuts.
You're getting real? I'm getting horny.

Speaker 1 Are you being real? I'm horny from it.

Speaker 1 Because I go to the scent room.

Speaker 1 I'm so horny. Can I take you to the set room? No,

Speaker 1 I keep it a secret from me. I'm like your nuts.
No, no, no, no. I'm your little mistress.
No, no. You've got to come with the center.
I'll buy you a cologne. It's not about that.
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 What I like to do, my friend, is I like to take a friend, usually a woman me. Yeah, yeah, I'll dress up for you and we go to the scent room.
It's on Larchmont, right?

Speaker 1 And then they have clothes and perfumes that aren't widely available. Okay, I'm going.
I'm being real. I'm going.
I'm going to go. So I and I give them a smell.

Speaker 1 Like, I have this one called, I forgot what it's called, but it's, it smells like cowpoo. Oh, yes.
No, no, no, I'm being real. Yo, Mupu.

Speaker 1 No, it's not called Moo Poo. It's not Moopu.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it is Mupo.
It's Japanese. It's Japanese.
Yeah. But when you spread it on your body, it changes the chemistry of it.
Right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It does. You guys are laughing.
It does. And you smell like sheep poop.
Right. Yeah, it smells like sheep poop.
After that, no. But it does smell like a barn.
Right? So

Speaker 1 I'll go, I'll go in there and I'll go. So today I'm feeling like,

Speaker 1 okay, think of Nirvana. Whoa.
Or the Enlightenment.

Speaker 1 Both? Yeah, both, dude. Both.
Both Nirvanas. Right.
Right? And they go, what is it? I go, the band? They go, we don't know because they're younger. Oh, they're kids.
Right, right, right.

Speaker 1 So then think Taylor Swift. Same kind of thing.

Speaker 1 Same audience. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then think Nirvana of the Enlightenment. Right.
Then also think about

Speaker 1 hiking.

Speaker 1 And also think about, right,

Speaker 1 cockfights. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Not the penis. No, no, no.
I can explain it to him. Cockfights, birds.
Not penises fighting, but the birds fighting.

Speaker 1 Right. But also penises fighting.
That too. Yeah.
But you can even say that. Yeah.
And they go, we'll be right back.

Speaker 1 And they don't come back for hours.

Speaker 1 You're just standing there in the store. Right?

Speaker 1 Right. And they come out and they go,

Speaker 1 maybe something else?

Speaker 1 And I go, I go, no. Nirvana.
I yell. Cockfights.
Nirvana. Hiking.
Cockfights. Right.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Two cocks. Two cock fights.
Two different kinds of cockfights. We'll be right back.
Another hour passes. Right.
And they go, Here we go. And this is it.

Speaker 1 No, that's not the one I'm wearing now. That's not the cock fight? No, no, no.
But that's what I'm saying. You and I can go in there.
Like, what do you want to smell like? Ooh, okay.

Speaker 1 Hootie and the blowfish. Well, I'm the guy.
Yeah. Welcome to the scent room.
Hi. I'm Demitri.
Hi, Demaitrai. Yeah.
And Lilai. Demaitri Lila.
Yes. Wonderful to meet you.
Call me Mr. Lilai.
Okay, Mr.

Speaker 1 Lila. Yeah.
Well, hi. Hi.
What are you doing? I'm here to buy a scent. What were you thinking? Ooh, I'm thinking, like, what my vibe is right now.
I think. Well, not now.

Speaker 1 Okay, went for another time. In the future.

Speaker 1 Let's say 10 years from now. Got it.
Right? Because I know what you're going to be doing 10 years from now. You do.
Oh, yeah. Really?

Speaker 1 You're going to... Does it look a little bit like this?

Speaker 1 No, it doesn't. No.

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm in a tomb? Yeah, you're a tomb. Why? You're a mummy.
I'm a mummy? Yes. Mummy dumb.
You don't know. Okay, my buddy came here, Bobby Lee.
Do you know Bobby Lee? Oh. It's like my best friend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the one that we... You mean the cow poop guy?

Speaker 1 If you're going to try and insult my friend while he's not here, I'm going to have to fight you. Well, it was very hard to fucking bottle the cowpoop.

Speaker 1 We had to drive all the way down. Well, then why don't you work somewhere else?

Speaker 1 We did it. I'm sorry, sir.
Yeah, he wanted what he wanted. You got what he wanted.
Exactly. So what would you like, sir? Thank you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He told me, Bobby said it's a band, an activity, and an animal thing. Exactly.
That's right. Right, so let me get my chart out.
Get it out. The first thing, please.
The band. Band.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Are you ready? I have my pen and my paper. Sir, go to Sephora if this is the kind of internet.
I just came from there. They sent me to you.
All right. They ran out of the paper.

Speaker 1 I'm going to kick you out to Sephora the next time you give me a little fucking bite. All right.
That.

Speaker 1 What? I don't like that. I said, all right.
I'm Mr. Lilai.
I know, Mr. Lili.
Treat me with respect. Sir? Yeah.
What's my first name? Tikki Tiki Tempo. No.

Speaker 1 Dematrii. Dematrii.
Lilai. Lilai.
All right, sir. So here we go.
I got the chart out. I have my pen.
All right, and I'm ready. And the band.
Quicksilver. Quicksilver, quicksilver.
Okay. Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 Now, we have two quicksilver. I just want to write.
We also have

Speaker 1 the Avenger.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Give me a little bit of all.

Speaker 1 We also have the actual mineral Quicksilver as well. I'll take a little bit of all.
Okay, so all three Quicksilver. Thanks.
That's all we got. Okay, so and then the second thing, please.
The activity.

Speaker 1 Activity, please. Space docking.

Speaker 1 Space docking. Now, we don't have space.
We have moon landing. Now, what is that? Oh.
Yeah. I know.
He brought it back. Mm-hmm.
Armstrong did. God bless.
He brought it back from the moon in the 60s.

Speaker 1 If the moon landing was a sexual phrase, what is a moon landing? Excuse me. Well, you know what space docking is, right, sir?

Speaker 1 It's when one piece is uncircumcised and one circumcised, and the uncircumcised sleeve covers up the circumcision. Yeah, of course.
That's docking. Of course.
What is a moon landing in sexual terms?

Speaker 1 Moon landing is when a woman or a man lays on his stomach, right? And you get baking powder. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you pour baking

Speaker 1 powder all over his back. Oh.
Then you got to get your moon shoes on.

Speaker 1 Right. Got it.
You got to get the thick-ass moon shoes on. The big boots.
The big boots. And I have one from actual NASA.
You do? Yeah. When I do my moon landings, I have one from now.
I stole it.

Speaker 1 You jacked it from NASA. Yeah, I only have one boot.
Okay. They're heavy.
Yeah, I do. I mean,

Speaker 1 try to get that boot across that fence.

Speaker 1 Right? Is that a Trump thing? Exactly. A border boot? It's just a border boot.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You don't know NASA's in Mexico? One SMO.

Speaker 1 NASA's in Mexico. I don't know if you know that.
So, anyway, so I put the one boot on, right? I put the baby potter and I do the moon walking on it. And that's a moon walk.
That's a moonwalk. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I had this vision of, you've seen the rockets when they have to control land them. Yeah.
Of like someone with their legs above their head, butt in the air, and then a penis.

Speaker 1 Oh, you do that. Wow.
Yeah. And you know, this is a cologne perfume store.
Oh, yeah. Can we move on to this? Thank you.
I don't know what we're doing. All right, so quicksilver.
There's a line.

Speaker 1 Quicksilver. So, yeah, so we got the

Speaker 1 Avenger, the band.

Speaker 1 Would you like the moon walking? 100%. So we put moon walking, the smell.
Okay. Hey, Lai.

Speaker 1 There's another guy named Lai.

Speaker 1 You're Mr. Lai.

Speaker 1 And his name is Lai. His first name's Lai.
His first name's Lai. Can I be honest with you? Yeah.
This sounds like a lie. It's not.

Speaker 1 Ironically, his last name is Dinatrai.

Speaker 1 Oh. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh. It's reverse.
I get it. So anyway, and that's the third thing, please.

Speaker 1 Oh, lie, get the baking powder ready. Okay, so go ahead.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Imagine, does he know what you're talking about? You just yelled, get the baking powder ready. Yeah, moon.
Oh, he knows that. That's signal for moon.
Yeah, exactly. Got it.

Speaker 1 So you have my band, my element, my avenger. Quicksilver, all three.
Get all three lie.

Speaker 1 And then we also have

Speaker 1 moon walking lie. Listen.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And then the third thing, please. And the third thing is a what? It's an animal event? It's an animal event.
It can be a variety of things. Okay.

Speaker 1 It could be a lion, the tiger.

Speaker 1 Falcor.

Speaker 1 Excuse me? Falcor from Neverending Story. Falcor.

Speaker 1 We don't have Falcor. I'm so sorry.
We have Cherub.

Speaker 1 You like Cherubs? You seriously don't have Falcor? We don't have Falcor. No, he died in the movie.
What? Yes.

Speaker 1 It's a little known fact, but Falcor actually died. You know how Brandon Lee died? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the fake, the bullets. Right, right.
Falco died. Oh, do you remember, you know what I mean? The

Speaker 1 Alec Baldwin event? Same thing. Yeah.
Unfortunately. You know what I mean? It happened again.
Yeah, a dummy gun.

Speaker 1 And there's no guns in what's crazy in the Never Ending Story. There is no guns in the movie.
There should have been.

Speaker 1 Exactly, but there was one that shot Falcor. Anyway, he died.
And the lawsuit's still pending.

Speaker 1 I'll take a cherub. I got to go.
Okay, well, it can take a while. Well, to get the cherub, though, because we have to actually go

Speaker 1 to Middle Earth. Honestly, can you hurry up?

Speaker 1 Sir. No, I'm serious.
You think there's cherubs here in LA?

Speaker 1 It's your store. I know you have back there.
Parrels Hilton had one years ago, died. Michael Jackson had one, right? But you know who ate it? His monkey.
Bubbles? Bubbles ate the cherub. Wow.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And that was a mess. Because that was my previous job.
Okay. Cleaning up?

Speaker 1 Massacres on

Speaker 1 Never Ending La Ranch, whatever it's called.

Speaker 1 Never ending ranch

Speaker 1 falcor flew to never ending ranch yes that's how he died yeah that's how he died you're gonna sleep over for it yeah yeah

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah so would you like it yes sit on our futon i'm on it i know

Speaker 1 i know i know you are it but i don't think you're comfortable i'm very comfortable it's gonna take hours i'm here okay i'm gonna call my friend bobby in the meantime hold on a second okay yeah i'm sorry to get to also what's the price of this shit You'll see.

Speaker 1 To get to Middle Earth, you're going to check this out.

Speaker 1 Pegasus.

Speaker 1 Pegasus, yes.

Speaker 1 Yes, you have to go to Middle Earth again.

Speaker 1 To get a cherub. Fuck you.
Whoa. Whoa, Pegasus.
You see, fuck.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Are you shut?

Speaker 1 You're the one that killed Falcor. I'm Alec Baldwin.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 DraftKings Sportsbook. This ain't the little itty-bitty teeny-tiny bone.

Speaker 1 This is the Super Bowl. Super Bowl.
And in action at DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of Super Bowl 59. 99, man.

Speaker 1 Scoring touchdowns is key to hoisting the Vince Lombardi trophy high in the air. And you have a shot to score big by betting on them at DraftKings Sportsbook, the number one place to bet touchdowns.

Speaker 1 Whether you're going for the Eagles or the Chiefs, you got to do it on DraftKings Sportsbook. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app and use code BAD Friends.

Speaker 1 That's code Bad Friends for new customers to get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just five bucks. That's right.
New DraftKings customer can bet $5 to get $200 in bonus bets instantly, okay?

Speaker 1 Only on DraftKings Sportsbook. The crown is yours.
You got a gambling problem? Call 1-800-GAMBLER. In New York, call 877-8-HOPE-NY or text Hope NY-467-369.

Speaker 1 In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-7897777 or visit ccpg.org.
Please play responsibility on behalf of Booth Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas.

Speaker 1 21 plus agent eligibility reviewers by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario, new customers only.
Bonus bets expire 168 hours after issuance for additional terms and responsible gaming resources.

Speaker 1 CDKNG.co slash audio. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns.

Speaker 1 Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing so your money has a chance to grow for you, your kids, and your retirement. Don't got to be an expert, pal.

Speaker 1 Acorns will recommend a diversified portfolio that fits you and your money goals.

Speaker 1 You don't need to to be rich guy acorns lets you invest with spare money you've got right now you can start with five dollars or even just your spare change here's the best part about this it's very simple it's very easy investing is one of those things that everyone gets afraid of right bob everyone's like i don't scared i don't know what to do with acorns it's simple so simple it's so very easy okay you can do it at home and by the way that old That's old news about having lots of money to be able to invest.

Speaker 1 Start with something small and you grow it very large for your future, for you, for your friends, friends, and for me.

Speaker 1 You know, all my money is going to Bobby when I die because I love you the most and you're my little prince. And all my money is going to Tim Dylan.
What?

Speaker 1 Head to acorns.com slash bad friends or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today.

Speaker 1 Paid non-client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns.
Tier 3 compensation provided. Investing involves risk.

Speaker 1 Acorn advertisers, LLC, an SEC registered investment advertiser. Review important disclosures at acorns.com slash bad friends.
Ship station. Choo-choo.
What is that? Is that a terrain?

Speaker 1 It's a ship station. Oh, it's a station, a ship station.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you know, and you have a company online.
We use ship station. We have a company.
They're the best in the business.

Speaker 1 We use them. They are the best in the business.
And for those that don't know, ShipStation is incredible. They grow with your business no matter how big it gets.

Speaker 1 And they have discounts up to 88% off of UPS, DHL Express, and USPS rates, and up to 90% off FedEx rates.

Speaker 1 Seamlessly integrate with services and selling channels you already use and manage orders on one easy dashboard. Well, here's the best part, honestly.

Speaker 1 As Bad Friends fans out there that love some of the merch that we throw up on this show, and thanks to some of the Bad Friends fans, we have great merch. How do we get it to you?

Speaker 1 It's because of ShipStation. With over 130,000 companies have grown their e-commerce business with ShipStation, and 98% of companies that stick with ShipStation for a year become customers for life.

Speaker 1 Calm the chaos of order fulfillment with the shipping software that delivers. Switch to ShipStation today.
Go to shipstation.com and use the code bad friends to sign up for your free trial.

Speaker 1 That's shipstation.com. The code is bad friends.

Speaker 1 Wow. Let me tell you, you're taking me to the scent store.
I'm dead serious. We're going.
Yeah, we're going. I literally went to Larchmont yesterday.
Yeah, have you been to the scent room? No.

Speaker 1 I went down there and I ran into our good buddy Andy Richter. Love him.
You know the last thing he said to me? What did he say? My hand to God? Tell Bobby I said hello. No.
Yeah, he loves you.

Speaker 1 Andy Richter is like one of the coolest, nicest, funniest dudes I've ever met in my entire life.

Speaker 1 Smart. My hand to the devil.
Just let me see it. My hand to the devil.
God bless. Okay.
Who's Andy Richter?

Speaker 1 Are you serious? No, No, I'm going back to my old self. I'm going to the self that I was.
I know who Andy is. I love him.
From 30 minutes ago, and I'm going to change that. All right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to shift Gear. Wait a minute.
Show up that. Let me bring her the picture again.
Yeah. Oh, that's Andy Rick? That's not who I'm talking about.
What are you thinking of?

Speaker 1 No, I'm just curtailing your joke. So you bought a shirt there? No, I went down there to kill some time.
I bought a shirt, and I saw how much the neighborhood had changed.

Speaker 1 It's so fun.

Speaker 1 It's a great.

Speaker 1 Let's do a little game called Down Larchmont Lane. Darn Larchmont Boulevard.
Boulevard. Okay.
So a lot of people listening from all over the world. Are you going to puke?

Speaker 1 I just had an Ozimpic burp. God, dude.
I just had an Ozimpic burp. When I see it start,

Speaker 1 I know. You get scared.
I know. Excuse me, PTSD.
I know, I know. I'm fine.
Okay. Okay.
So a lot of people from all over around the world, if you're in Los Angeles, there's a street called Larchmont.

Speaker 1 Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 And it's a great neighborhood. Can we say? Yeah, yeah.
It's very Midwestern, actually, in many ways. It feels like everywhere and nowhere at once.
Exactly. Yeah.
Yeah. It can be anywhere.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like never-ending ranch. Never-ending ranch.
Yeah. So let's go down Larchmont Lane.
That's Eric Griffin's dream.

Speaker 1 All you can-eat ranch.

Speaker 1 He does it with a straw, a boba straw. Imagine Eric, America, Eric got kicked out of a buffet, and they were like, He's like, It's all you can eat.
And they're like, No, not all you can eat.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
You ate a chair.

Speaker 1 Stop. All right.
So anyway, Larchmont Boulevard. So let's go.
Let's, because you recently there, you were there yesterday. Yeah.
So let's, you want to grade our little stores down there? Let's, what?

Speaker 1 Let's do it. All right.
So there's a right aid.

Speaker 1 What are we doing out of?

Speaker 1 What are we doing out of 10? Yeah, let's go to one through 10. Yeah.
No, one through five is easier. One through five.
Yeah. There's a right aid.
All right.

Speaker 1 It gets a four for supply because there's always something in there, but it gets a two for the fentanyl front door. Exactly.
You have to like duck and dodge. A couple of fentanyls.
Yes. Very good.

Speaker 1 So it gets that

Speaker 1 double rating. Yeah.
There's a salt and straw. Salt and straws.
I was just about to say. You were over there.
I'm going to hear your rating for salt and straw. You know, I think it's hype.
I agree.

Speaker 1 Do you really? Van Lewin is way better. And so is.

Speaker 1 I prefer Baskin Robbins. Now you're wrong.
No, I'm not. Now you're absolutely right.
I'm not. What happened to the good old Rocky Road, baby? It's not Rocky Road.
Berlin's in cream, babe.

Speaker 1 And it's a butter pecan, babe babe.

Speaker 1 First of all, McConnell's out of Santa Barbara, phenomenal. Yeah.
And Van Lewin, both better than salt and straw. Okay.
By a land. It's not even close.
Also, don't put goat cheese in ice cream.

Speaker 1 I don't want that. Yeah,

Speaker 1 and fennel. I don't like that.
Okay. I might.
All right. What do you grade the salt and straw number-wise? Out of five.

Speaker 1 Are we comparing that salt and straw with all the other salt and straws? In general, it's a broad spectrum. I mean, it's like we can be.
We're the best salt and straw in the business.

Speaker 1 The one on Larchmont. But compared to other ice cream businesses,

Speaker 1 one through five, a three. It's still good.
Okay. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Then next door to that is Aesop. The, the, the, uh, oh, good.
It's like lotions. Dude, dude, dude, let me tell you about Aesop.

Speaker 1 Give it to me. Five out of five.
Really? Any Aesop. All of them? Dude.
Why do you like them so much? Because that's all I have in my house. They do give free samples outside.
No, I buy it. You really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I've never bought it once.

Speaker 1 The body wash. I go inside, I get what I need, and I go home.

Speaker 1 I come with little fill-up things. Yeah, yeah.
Never paid for it. God.

Speaker 1 How about the children's bookstore there?

Speaker 1 Five out of five. Five out of five?

Speaker 1 Five out of five. When I drop out my nephew.

Speaker 1 Your nephew? Yeah, he's 24, but he's 24.

Speaker 1 And then there's also a. There's a pet store across the street.

Speaker 1 Tailwaggers. Tailwaggers is right there.
Yeah, yeah. And I like tailwaggers.
It's fine. They have my number in the thing.
Me too, unfortunately. Why?

Speaker 1 Because when we used to have the dog over, we used to have dogs. Exactly.
Dogs to the dog. Where do you go now for your dog stuff? I call my cousin.
Oh.

Speaker 1 And I said, come to the house and watch the dog. Because last time we put her in one of those places, like Healthy Spot,

Speaker 1 she bit three dogs.

Speaker 1 Oh. She did.
She bit their face.

Speaker 1 I was asking, like, where do you buy your supplies? But you're saying grooming now. No, no, I thought you meant, I was saying daycare, like to sit the dog.
If we're going, if we.

Speaker 1 Oh, so they used to go to Tailwaggers for get daycare. A long time ago.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 She had bite any other dogs do it. I had my Vietnamese friend do it.
And he salivates. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He just sits there and drools. His mouth gets so watery.

Speaker 1 It's a discipline for him. But anyway.
No, we had to switch. No, she didn't bite any other dogs.
I was kidding. She hated it.
My dog fucking hated it.

Speaker 1 They'd be like, oh, Cubs just goes in the corner and sits by herself. Oh, don't you hate when that happens? And then she gets intimidated by other stranger dogs.
And so she was like, fuck this.

Speaker 1 I'm just going to. And she just goes sits by herself.
What are you going to do when he dies? She dies.

Speaker 1 Brutal, brutal, brutal. Tears of sadness for sure.

Speaker 1 Long cries, long cries, long cries.

Speaker 1 Anyway, let's move on.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have her cloned.

Speaker 1 I've looked into the cloning. I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1 Because, you know what? Let me tell you something, friend.

Speaker 1 Let's do it.

Speaker 1 I want to clone it. Yeah, yeah.
I want to clone it. Because you can't.
Yeah, go ahead. 50 grand? Never mind.
We'll get a new dog.

Speaker 1 Also, also. To get your dog back? It's not your dog.
It is your dog. It's not the same.
When you clone... Yes, it is.
It's your dog. From toe to top.
No, but the soul is the same. From nose to toe.

Speaker 1 I don't know, whatever.

Speaker 1 But the soul is not the same. It's not going to have the same personality.

Speaker 1 it's not gonna have the same it's gonna be so similar though it's not gonna know my songs oh it's not gonna have all my songs or i'm your dog

Speaker 1 the first song i sing when i get in the house i go sweetie sweetie who's my little sweetie oh that's hey yeah hey hey hey hey hey hey hey and then i pick her up and then she goes

Speaker 1 oh yeah who's my little sweetie yeah give me your song i don't i just do talk you just full talk maybe why do you do

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 right. And they go,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 And they go, oh,

Speaker 1 because I'm holding it maybe too tight. Yeah, too tight.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? But no, I love my. It'd be funny to talk to your dogs just like a human.
Like, you walk in, you're like, what's going on, man? How have you been? Right.

Speaker 1 But not giving it any inflection of like,

Speaker 1 imagine if you can give them some intelligence.

Speaker 1 Your dog's smart. No, but like to the speaking so they can speak.
Oh, like what could they understand? Like that you give them, you know, an eight-year-old's intelligence. A little bit more.

Speaker 1 A 15-year-old's intelligence. 15, 14, 15 is pretty good.
No, he's going to be, fuck off, dad. That's why it's funny.
Yeah, I don't want that. No, I want that.
All right. My dog's pretty smart, dude.

Speaker 1 She missed. She's smoking

Speaker 1 in the room. Yeah, yeah, no.
Okay, go back to Larchmont. Larchmont right now.
So

Speaker 1 I'm not done.

Speaker 1 There's,

Speaker 1 here's another thing. They have a Pokey place.

Speaker 1 And can I tell you about Pokey? Not into it. I'm out.
Dude,

Speaker 1 why are you on a pokey? I don't tell you why I'm on a pokey. Okay, two reasons.

Speaker 1 One,

Speaker 1 fast food sushi has never been my. I like it.
I like sushi that they... I'm at the sushi joint.
He cuts the fish. I eat it.

Speaker 1 I don't want, it's been cut five hours ago in the morning, sits in the cooler, then it gets slopped in a bowl with sriracha mayo. Not a fan.
I'm not a fan of that as well, my friend.

Speaker 1 I just want fresh. I want fresh cut shit, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude yeah yeah that's why i've never done like sushi in one of those like a rotary tape that what's it called timeout but in japan those are awesome because they do cut it fresh and they put it on there and it can only go around so many times yeah but in north hollywood it's on there for three days three days yeah yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 yeah the salmon's green i don't like it you're like dude in northridge it'll rotate for a month for a month and they'll take it exactly so anyway so i don't i i

Speaker 1 don't like it

Speaker 1 pokey out for me I hate going to Hawaii too because like Kalila and everyone's always. They love poke.
Let's go to the pokey. I go, no, thanks.
I'm not going to no fucking poke, man.

Speaker 1 Just go to a sushi joint. I'm going to go to my almond casa sushi joint where he slices it right in front of my fucking eyes.
Anyway, let's move on. There's a donut place called Holy Grill Donut.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Have you had it? I have.
Now, this is where I regress because

Speaker 1 you basking Robinson the ice cream thing, whether or not you were joking, I think shitty donuts are better than fancy donuts. This whole new fancy donut thing can fuck off.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, we are in a trouble. Brother, now, my friend, give me Dunkin' Donuts over fancy donuts all fucking day.
Dude, you have no idea.

Speaker 1 Dunkin' Donuts, munchkins, the little munchkins, the donut holes?

Speaker 1 No, dude, that's how you fuck, dude. That's so gross.
No, hey, yeah, yeah. No, this is how I fucked.
Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, fancy donut fucks up. It sucks.
Holy grail does this. It's good.
No, you've never had it, though. I have.

Speaker 1 Because if you had, ridiculous things wouldn't come out of your fucking mouth like that it's too much it's what voodoo donuts does too it's like we put all the bullshit on no no not voodoo I didn't say voodoo dude it's the same

Speaker 1 is is dunkin' warm let's get to the fuck no it's not it's never warm yes it is no it's not yes it is yeah I go to dunk all the time I'm a dunk dog dude okay anyway bring up holy grail picture of their fucking website They look this whole fancy donut thing for like eight bucks a donut.

Speaker 1 That ain't it my guy That ain't it. Okay, let's go to the look at the donut.
I'll give you one better than them, by the way. You know who tops them? Who? The one.

Speaker 1 You don't even know the name. That's how sad it is.
No, I do. I do.
I do. I do.
It's Faux Nuts. I'll take a Faux Nut over these.
Oh, you like Faux Nuts? Okay. Now let's zoom into what they have here.

Speaker 1 That one says cancer? No, it's not. So you get cancer when you eat it.
Yeah, only colon. Oh, that's easy.
Only colon. That's very, very literal.
You would from this stuff. Yeah.
Oh, Chaga Chai.

Speaker 1 Yeah, look at Virgo. Come on, guy.
Black Sabbath. Imagine how mad Ozzy would be if he saw that donut.

Speaker 1 My band is not as

Speaker 1 city donuts. Yeah.
Anyway, let's move on from it. No, no, no.
Let's keep going. Give me the price.
Go to their website. Give me the price of these fucking bullshit donuts.
They're also small.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I love them. Give me the prices.
What does this cost to get it? They're probably not going to show it.

Speaker 1 What are you shaking your head for? You've never had one before.

Speaker 1 Four bucks a donut. It's not that good.
What? It's too much shit on it. Too much shit.

Speaker 1 California. $4 for a donut.
$4 a donut. That's good.
Brother, if I go to fucking Donut Girl, the lady by my

Speaker 1 cents for a donut. It's cheap.
Cheap ingredients. What do you think they're using? Good shit from Hawaii.
What the fuck they are? Yeah, dude. Roots and stuff.
Look up from Hawaii.

Speaker 1 Look up holy grail donuts controversy. Just type that in.
Why? Just look it up. There is no.
Oh.

Speaker 1 The main controversy surrounding holy grail donuts is that some customers claim the taste and quality of their donuts, particularly the tarot-based ones, are significantly better when purchased directly in Hawaii compared to locations here in the mainland.

Speaker 1 They're using bullshit here. They're not shipping the good shit here.
Dude, it's like saying this, guys. They're not shipping the good shit here, pal.

Speaker 1 It's like this gold is better in Hawaii than it's tarot, dude. Is gold better in Hawaii? It is.
It is. Proving my correct.
You're right. You're right.
It is. Here's the deal.
Okay.

Speaker 1 There's only certain supply chains that can get it right all over the globe. McDonald's, it's a home run.

Speaker 1 It's a home run. Places like this, they're just, they don't have the infrastructure.

Speaker 1 Also, you're really pissing me off. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.
What about Krispy Kreme? What's your opinion on Krispy Kreme? Better than

Speaker 1 Holy Grail? No, better than

Speaker 1 Dunk?

Speaker 1 Yes. Okay, good.
But let me tell you something about Earth. But let me tell you something about Krispy Kreme.
Now we're on Planet Earth here. Let me tell you about Krispy Kreme.

Speaker 1 The only donut you can have there is the original glaze. And that's what I was talking about.
Yeah, but they do other shit. But Duncan does other shit, and Krispy Kreme can't do that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because the chocolate glaze ones at Krispy Kreme kick fucking rocks. The chocolate glaze of Duncan Donuts.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 We should do this, okay? And

Speaker 1 I already know, okay, we should do have a donut taste, but I already know, right, that it's there's such a difference between a good donut and garbage donut.

Speaker 1 He's gonna pick the garbage one every time. That's not true.
To defend his own point of view, right?

Speaker 1 So we can't even have that contest because this piece of shit, right, it needs to win rather than accept that he's wrong. Sounds familiar, doesn't it?

Speaker 1 No, yeah, because I'm doing my Bobby Lee today and I'm on it. I'm playing Bobby Lee today.

Speaker 1 Wow, dude, you want to go blows or what? Yeah, but

Speaker 1 let's go down. Can we go down Larchmont Lane or no? Let's go, dude.
Let's continue back on Larchmont Lane. Make us a shirt that says bad friends on Larchmont Lane.

Speaker 1 Okay, now there's a couple of, so there's the scent room next to Holy Grail, but there's another one that's a cologne, but it's very, it's a chain. I forgot what it was called.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's Lalabo, is there, right? Not Lalabo. It's another one like that.

Speaker 1 Dipteak.

Speaker 1 What's your opinion of Dipteak? Love the candles. Love a Diptyk candle.
Made here in the States. I like the Diptyk candles.
I like them. They're good.

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't, it's, you know, they're 80 bucks a candle. A girl there ghosted me.
I'm out. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Call them right now. I'm going to call him.
No, no, no, no. No, I'm going to call him.
Yeah, yeah. Give me the diptych on Larchmont.
I'm going to call her right now.

Speaker 1 No, she doesn't work there anymore. What's her name? Well, black.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That was your date spot? A candle shop? No,

Speaker 1 bro. She works there, you fucking.

Speaker 1 How does she ghost you if she works there?

Speaker 1 Don't do that. I was kidding.
I'm lying. So am I.
Don't call. It's a bit.
But don't call them. Why? Because I'm not going to say your name or anything.
Okay. Are you really? Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 1 Can I just do a bit? Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm calling them. But don't say my name.

Speaker 1 What was your first name? Lilai. What was your first name? Mr.
Lila.

Speaker 1 Demitrai.

Speaker 1 I may help you. Hi, I just want to give you just a little

Speaker 1 something I want to say. It's my good friend Demitra Lila was seeing someone that was working at your store and

Speaker 1 we're starting a date and she ghosted him and I just was calling to try to repair the relationship is is does still work there

Speaker 1 sorry

Speaker 1 yes

Speaker 1 no she has not worked here for over a year well I can tell you something she kind of did a number on a buddy of mine and I'm just uh I don't know what kind of person she was personally but I just wanted to tell her myself give her my two cents how we do it where I'm from is that's not that's not nice and that's not okay and i'm glad that she's not there anymore i'll tell you i i would hope and pray she got fired

Speaker 1 i am sorry to hear that i have no opinion of her i joined around the time she left great great well have a wonderful wonderful day

Speaker 1 you as well bye-bye bye

Speaker 1 handled your business dude Why'd you get so nervous?

Speaker 1 I hate prank protocols. It's not a prank.
Yeah, yeah. It's not a prank.

Speaker 1 It's not a prank. There was a girl there.
He had no opinion of her, he said. I wasn't being mean.
Here's my thing. I don't like prank calls either.
I'm not being mean to him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm being mean about a character of a person that doesn't exist. So I'm not pranking him.

Speaker 1 I'm just telling him my tale.

Speaker 1 And my tale is something else. And by the way, if you're going to prank call at home, call somewhere, but make up a story that does it.
It's not mean or rude to them.

Speaker 1 I'm just giving him a piece of my little fantasy life.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. Just talk to him.

Speaker 1 Okay, go down Larshmont Avenue now. So, So, no, so we went to Dipteek.

Speaker 1 Okay, and then Center. And then there's a card store.
There's like a paper source or something like that. Yeah, which we like.
Yeah, it's fine. We could just bring up the Google Maps.

Speaker 1 That new bakery is pretty good. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Leval.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Levain.

Speaker 1 Best bakery in town. Very good.
I had that the other day with the Asians. With the Chinese.
No, with me. Oh, with Andrea?

Speaker 1 Yeah, we went to...

Speaker 1 That bakery is the best. They have the best cookies in town.
We love Andrea Jean. She's the best.
Okay, zoom into there.

Speaker 1 And here's my biggest beef about this whole thing. Okay.
So at the very end of the block there, go down south. You're there, right there at that last intersection.
What street is that?

Speaker 1 First, first, first ave, first street. And here's my biggest beef about this whole thing.
Okay. So at the very end of the block there, go down south.

Speaker 1 You're there, right there at that last intersection. What street is that? First, first ave, first street.
So right now, there's a chase bank on the corner.

Speaker 1 Right now, there's a Buck Mason right there. You see, it says Buck Mason Clothing Store? Yeah.
That used to be Larchmont Village,

Speaker 1 Larchmont Bakery or whatever, Larchmont

Speaker 1 Cafe. The Larchmont Cafe.
It was one of the best coffee and breakfast joints. And do you know why they checked it? I never even heard of it.
Oh, it was incredible. Really? So good.

Speaker 1 It's an echo park now. They moved, I know.
But do you know why? Why? They got kicked off the street.

Speaker 1 1-800flowers.com. Valentine's Day is coming up.
And for me, there's only one place I trust, 1-800Flowers.com. It's the only place that I've ever used, man.

Speaker 1 Every year, I order stunning, high-quality bouquets from 1-800flowers.com that my wifey absolutely loves.

Speaker 1 And this year we're partnering with 1-800 Flowers to make sure you're a Valentine's hero with an exclusive offer for our listeners. Double the roses for free.
Double the roses. Look at that.

Speaker 1 That's double right there. That is beautiful.
And you can spray them all over the place, man. Where do you want them?

Speaker 1 In the bedroom, on the couch, put them in her car, you know, whatever. Garage for me.
Garage. Put them in the garage.

Speaker 1 All roses from 1-800 Flowers are picked at their peak, cared for every step of the way, and ship fresh to ensure lasting beauty. Think ahead this year.

Speaker 1 When you order one dozen, they'll double the rose bouquet for free at great value. That's 24 roses.
What are you talking about? That's so fast and so beautiful.

Speaker 1 Win their hearts this Valentine's with 1-800flowers.com. To claim your double your roses offer, go to 1-800flowers.com/slash bad friends.
That's win-800flowers.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 Factor.

Speaker 1 A guy. Yeah, Bob.
I love eating food. I know.
And I'm trying to lose weight. I know.
I use Factor. You do? Yeah, they're delicious.

Speaker 1 Well, if you're ready to optimize your nutrition like Bobby Lee this year, Factor has chef-made gourmet meals that make eating well easy.

Speaker 1 You're dietitian approved, then ready to heat and eat in two minutes so you can feel right and feel great no matter what life throws at you.

Speaker 1 The most important thing is Factor arrives fresh and fully prepared, perfect for any active, busy lifestyle. And they got 40 options across eight dietary preferences on the menu each week.

Speaker 1 It's easy to pick meals tailored to your goals. Choose from preferences like Calorie Smart, Protein Plus, or Bobby's favorite, keto.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Read your goals this year with ingredients you can trust and convenience that can't be beat. Also, Factor, by the way, they have other stuff.

Speaker 1 They got wholesome smoothies, breakfast, grab-and-go snacks, and more add-ons. So it's not limited.
You know, reach your goals this year the way that you want. Eat smart with Factor.

Speaker 1 Get started at factormeals.com/slash bad friends50Off and use code BAD Friends50Off to get 50% off your first box plus free shipping.

Speaker 1 That's code badfriends50off at factormeals.com/slash bad friends50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box.

Speaker 1 What What happened was the neighborhood, someone, there's a fucking snitch rat in the neighborhood, and because they were operating whatever hours of the day, these people that, because right behind them are houses, right?

Speaker 1 Right. Was they were open late? They were open probably later than a normal place would be.
Yeah. And they were mad.
So then someone in the fucking neighborhood found out they weren't registered.

Speaker 1 to have this certain code of restaurant or whatever to like make coffee and sell food and alcohol or whatever. Wow.
And they got that place fucking closed down after like 20 some odd years.

Speaker 1 Do we know this person's name?

Speaker 1 No, I don't know who did it, but I'm telling you, if I find out, because you took that away from me, because I used to have coffee there in the morning and right in the corner, one of my favorite places to get a cup of coffee.

Speaker 1 They brewed it there. They had the fucking coffee vat things there with the beans.
My God. They're that big.
They're this big. I had no idea they were that big.
Show him what the bean machine is.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Show him a bean machine.
I always thought they were this big. That's what I call my wife's vagina, the bean bean machine.
Yeah. Show him the bean machine.
Coffee bean roasting machine.

Speaker 1 There it is. Coffee bean roasting machine.
Roasting machine. There it is.
That's not it.

Speaker 1 It's the big vat with the beans. There it is.
Oh, my God. Tell me that's not as big as the arms.
It's so big, dude. Look at that stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And that's where it makes the beans nice to make me poop.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, I've realized after like 41 years on this planet, I don't think I've pooped without coffee in 20 some odd years. No.
I don't think so. Wow.
If I don't have coffee, I'm not pooping.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah, me too, I think.
I have to.

Speaker 1 I need coffee so bad.

Speaker 1 I'm serious. If I'm on the road and I need to grab a cup of coffee, it'll be like 2 or 3 p.m.
And I'm like, I haven't pooped. Yeah, quick trivia.
Go. What's older, the Eiffel Tower? Or Nintendo?

Speaker 1 Oddly enough, Nintendo. Yes.
Yeah. How'd you know?

Speaker 1 Did you know that? Yeah, Nintendo was started when Jack the Ripper was still operating.

Speaker 1 Dude, that kid at school, dude?

Speaker 1 Dude, you know that kid?

Speaker 1 You know that kid in school? Annoying. The most annoying kid in school.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, did you guys know this? Did you know this? Yeah.
When Jack the Ripper was still operating.

Speaker 1 You mean murdering? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Operating? Yeah. This word for a murderer.
Yeah, yeah. Working.
I don't know what to say. Working? Working, no.

Speaker 1 He's not getting paid. That's why I said operating.
Yeah, yeah. Killing.
Killing.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 So, yes. Give me more trivia.
I like that. That's the only one I know.
Well, get another one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That is, that is. It's an interesting thing.
Have you been to the Eiffel Tower?

Speaker 1 I have. And?

Speaker 1 Rank it out of five. Out of all the towers I've been to? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Two. Right behind the twin? Yeah.
Yeah. No, honestly, rank it out of five.
Two for real. Out of.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, it's probably five. The one in Vegas is better.
I agree. Yeah, yeah.
The one in Vegas is better. I think Ival Tower is so let down.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, and then when you first, when you go down Largemont a little further, I get a little lost here.

Speaker 1 I die down. The pizza joint's fine.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Mulberries? You got mulberries? Yeah, yeah. And then there's a creation juicery and all that stuff.
Yeah, all that stuff. Did I say Jerry Seinfeld? He's just on Larchmont? Yeah, he's.

Speaker 1 What am I doing on Larchmont? There's a Pete's coffee. Yeah.
She said, go get him. Oh, go get him, Tiger, too.

Speaker 1 There's about nine coffee shops. It's a good place if you're in L.A.
to go shopping. Take a walk.
And take a walk. It's a really nice place.
Parking's a bitch.

Speaker 1 What? Parking. Park in the neighborhood.
Oh, that's what you do? Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Fuck, dude, trying to wait for those spots.
Yeah, but there's also, you know, here's the thing about the signs.

Speaker 1 I never know what the signs are. I don't read them.
You just park wherever? I just park, and if I get a ticket, I get a ticket. By the way,

Speaker 1 it's not failed me for 20 years in L.A. So you'll park in a residential thing where it says you need a tag.
Now I'll figure it out. I almost always get away with it.

Speaker 1 Now, where I don't get away with it is meters. Meters are insane.

Speaker 1 They got like a gun out waiting for you. Like, yeah, you got two minutes.
Yeah. You got two minutes left.
Yeah. You got two minutes.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But in a neighborhood, those guys got a circle so big and look at every tag.

Speaker 1 He can get away with it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I got towed in West Hollywood once when I was at a lady's house. But you slept over.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Over nights different than during the day.

Speaker 1 Oh, so I got that too wrong nighttime you cannot nighttime no no nighttime no why why not no no because that's when they're really bubbly that's when they're that's when they have time to get people but they actually tow you 100 wow because they make so much fucking money yeah how much it costs to get your tower your car out 800 or something yeah hundreds of dollars it's so sick it makes makes me so mad it's it's it's uh it's unjust it's unfair yeah that's why i want to do uh um

Speaker 1 put the uh you know now they sell you can lock your wheel so they can't tow it have you seen this Then they have to get a flatbed in there. No.
Yeah. Did you get one of those?

Speaker 1 Some guy in New York put a video up about him like lock. There was things you can put around your wheel so you so they can't tow you.
Wow. But they flatbed you, then they can.
They can get you.

Speaker 1 I just created an invention just when you just said that. Here's my invention, Dave.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like a bike lock.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 a bike lock, right? On your top, through your wheels? Not through the wheels, even. Like, you know, the piping below?

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. What? I'm going to find out how little you know about cars.

Speaker 1 There's no piping below? There is, but what piping are you speaking about? The exhaust piping? What is that? There we go. But what is that going to do? You put a lock on it.
On the exhaust?

Speaker 1 That's not going to help you.

Speaker 1 So when I go underneath a car, I've never been underneath one. There we go.
Zoom in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Look at all the chaos down there, my friend.

Speaker 1 Can I zoom in a little further, my friend? Further, please?

Speaker 1 There's got to be a place underneath that car where you can stick a lock. But what are you locking up? Your car to the street.
Did he just puts a master lock? Click?

Speaker 1 Like a gym locker? Right. You clip, right? Lock, click, right? And then they have to have the combo to unlock it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. Yeah, I'm in.
I'm on. Oh, they have one of those things? Mm-hmm.
Oh, I see. They just clip it.
They clip it. Well, they just clip bikes then.

Speaker 1 They do all the time. Oh, they do.
People get bikes stolen. My bike got stolen.
The first like three bikes I had here got stolen. So there's no lock that's unclippable

Speaker 1 in human history. Well, let's invite, invent that.
Let's invent that. An unclippable lock.
The unclippable lock. I almost called you yesterday because I was walking on Larchmont, our favorite.
I was.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I was talking on the phone to a friend about

Speaker 1 the David Lynch documentary that they reposted to HBO. No, Limo.
It's old, right? Yeah. But I re-watched it because I'd watched it when it came out.
Yeah. Dude,

Speaker 1 he said something in there. Made you cry.
It just made me feel like what we talk about. Right.
With the show that we're. Give it to me, baby.
Give it to me.

Speaker 1 He said, I realized at some point that life was about making art, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, and sometimes a woman gets in there. And I was like, that's...
Dude, that's all his life was.

Speaker 1 Make art, smoke cigarettes, drink coffee.

Speaker 1 That's my life. Sometimes get a girl in there.
Yeah, yeah. But I'm saying, what he's saying to you is, listen to the order.
Make art first.

Speaker 1 Coffee and cigarettes, debatable, Whether you should, I don't think you should smoke cigarettes anymore.

Speaker 1 And sometimes a girl gets in there. But when you put the girl in front of the art,

Speaker 1 is this directed toward me? No, this is universal. This is a broad.

Speaker 1 This is David Lynch. What he's saying is when you put girl in front of art,

Speaker 1 and girl represents not just woman, it represents noise, earth, life noise. Yeah.

Speaker 1 In front of art, art bad. Art go, art bad, art wrong.

Speaker 1 But if it goes art, cigarettes and coffee. Yeah, yeah.
And then girl, life,

Speaker 1 art good. It's good.
Art good. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what he's saying. And he said it so profoundly, you're like.
Is it on HBO? It is. Right.
Isn't it HBO? I think it was HBO. They reposted it.
But so David Lynch,

Speaker 1 do you like his movies? What do you mean? I love his movies. What I don't like is

Speaker 1 people.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Do you know what I'm trying to say? Yeah.
Do you? I don't think so. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 1 They don't understand it. I think some people like David Lynch because of the abstract nature of film.
And then some people like David Lynch because they really believe that

Speaker 1 everything was deliberate.

Speaker 1 I don't get that second part. I think some people really like it because not all his films were fucking perfect.

Speaker 1 Quite flawed, if I'm being honest. A lot of them are quite flawed.
Super subversive and beautiful. But like, I think some people like him because they like that it's weird.

Speaker 1 And some people like it because it's a lot of artistic choice. It's very, it's very deliberate is what I mean.
I'm going to tell you why I like it. I'll give you an example of what I'm trying to say.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. Tell me.
The example I'm trying to say is, I think some people like Tarantino

Speaker 1 because a lot of his movies, for lack of a better explanation, involve violence and

Speaker 1 very hot, heavy, fast,

Speaker 1 throbbing film. It's very, it's a lot, right? Which is why when someone talks about Once Upon a Time, they're like, I didn't like it till the end, till there was a lot of violence.

Speaker 1 Do you know what I mean? And then other people really like it because

Speaker 1 the way he tells stories extremely. I love that movie.
I love that movie. But it's story, it's specific.
That's my point.

Speaker 1 It's like, some people like Lynch because they understand he's trying to tell this really beautiful, intricate story, sometimes within, within, within itself.

Speaker 1 Some people like it because they're like, it's fucking, Lynch is out there, man. It's just fucking, it's like they're, they're just fascinated with the idea that it's so unique.

Speaker 1 If you watch a movie like Eraser Head, right? This is the first time, and it used to scare me as a kid when I used to watch this movie. Well, it's a scary movie.
Yeah. I get scared now.
But there's

Speaker 1 these gaps between people's conversations. Yeah.
And within those

Speaker 1 gaps, you hear like some electronical equipment or a buzzing or whatever. And it's so awkward.
And it's also so...

Speaker 1 Otherworldly almost, you know, but it's, there is a fear in there.

Speaker 1 You hear the

Speaker 1 you hear like the feedback of stillness. How are you? And then you hear,

Speaker 1 and then there's literally a minute will go by. Pretty good.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's just this weird way of, you know, and I, and I thought, you know, as a kid, I was like, I've never seen a movie like this before, you know, paced like this. Yeah.

Speaker 1 When you watch a Lynch movie like Lost Highway, even, I don't, I don't understand. Do you know what that movie is about? I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But you're still watching it because it's just like every scene, they're just something that's completely different.
And you can't, you can't, there's no way that that you can go.

Speaker 1 Like you said, sometimes you watch a movie and go, I know where this is going. There's no way to do that with the Lynch movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this isn't like a, his, his stuff isn't, he never worked with Kevin Hart. We, we, yeah,

Speaker 1 so funny. Well, I'm just like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.
That's what I mean. It's like

Speaker 1 the rock and Kevin Hart and David Lynch's, oh my god.

Speaker 1 It's just David Lynch's lack of commercialism is, yeah, was, was very on purpose. You know what I'm saying? Some people were like, he's like, I got it.
I like it.

Speaker 1 Like, were you, well, were you, are you a, were you, are you a Twin Peaks fan? I am. Yeah.
So that's a big point of contention. A lot of people weren't.
I see.

Speaker 1 And a lot of people who were hardcore Lynch people that I know didn't like it, and vice versa. I know people who are like, didn't really love David Lynch.
I fucking love Twin Peaks.

Speaker 1 So do you know Jack, the guy that played Eraserhead? We could find out his last name. Jack

Speaker 1 actor. Mihoff? No, the guy with the hair.
Bern. Nance.
Jack. So Jack Nance, right, was in Eraserhead, but he was in Twin Peaks.
He's been in a lot of Lynch movies, right? Do you know how he died?

Speaker 1 Fuck, can I I guess? Yeah, yeah, guess. Was it autoerotic? No, it's sadder than that.
Sadder than autoerotic. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He died.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, oh, oh. No.
O'Reilly.

Speaker 1 He died. I don't, dude, give it to me.
Okay, so something. So he was seeing...
Piranhas. He was seeing a porn star.
Okay. AIDS.

Speaker 1 And he...

Speaker 1 He was shooting a movie. He was shooting a movie where

Speaker 1 it was out in the mountains. So, you know what I mean? He He couldn't get really good

Speaker 1 cell service cell service or whatever. It was a phone service.
Okay. There was a storm or something.
And his girlfriend was going to kill himself, kill herself.

Speaker 1 Right. And then the phone cut off.
And by the time he, you know what I mean? Found she killed him herself, his girlfriend. Right.

Speaker 1 And then he comes back to LA and he's at a hot dog store somewhere in North Hollywood somewhere. Mm-hmm.
And some

Speaker 1 gang members beat him to death with a pipe. What did they have to do about the girlfriend killing herself? I don't know.
I just thought it was a good idea. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was just a fun little extra. You know what I mean? They beat him to death.
There was a documentary called You Don't Know Jack, and David Lynch directed it, I think. And it's about his life.

Speaker 1 It's so sad. Dude, just go to Jack Nance's death.
Yeah, or whatever. I want to.

Speaker 1 I might have fucked it up, but.

Speaker 1 Nance launched with friends Leo Bulgillarney and Catherine Case. He had a visible crescent-shaped bruise under his eye.

Speaker 1 And when asked about it, he related him a story about a brawl outside of Winchell's Donuts. Love.

Speaker 1 That's a good donut place.

Speaker 1 Store that morning. He went home complaining of a headache.
Nance developed a subdurbal hematoma, resulting in his death the following morning.

Speaker 1 Found his body, they found him out in the bathroom floor of his apartment in South Pasadena, California, later that day.

Speaker 1 An autopsy revealed that his blood alcohol content was 0.24 at the time of his death. That's probably did it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but initially ruled as resulting from blunt force trauma. So, right, he had a subdermal place.
It wasn't a hot dog play, it was a donut place.

Speaker 1 And then, Pete, is there any way you can look up his.

Speaker 1 Check it out. It wasn't a hot dog place, a donut place, and he drank himself to death.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, 0.24 four is fucking insane.
But this is a guy that was insane. Not in anything but Lynch movies.
He relied on Lynch, right?

Speaker 1 And then when he put him on Twin Peaks, it's like saved him for money and stuff like that. But like he, because he was a series regular on Twin Peaks.
Wow. But he never really, you know,

Speaker 1 point made it. 2-4.
Do you realize that's, isn't that 2% of your blood, correct?

Speaker 1 What's the most you've had in your body, think? I don't think I've ever seen you super drunk. Have you guys?

Speaker 1 You're always cool. Like, you're still very cool.
I'm not. Well, but I've drank more than I should, but I'm never like Dr.
Jekyll, Mr. High.
I've never seen you drunk. You've never seen you.

Speaker 1 No, I don't think I'm second.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I showered in the room and I got out and you were in there after Dollywood. Oh, yeah.
Then that day I was drunk.

Speaker 1 I was pretty drunk. Oh, yeah, that day.
I mean, do you think about, like, right now, do you ever think about drinking? Like, I just don't regular day. Am I thinking about it right now? Yeah.
No.

Speaker 1 Like, are you planning on when you're going to drink next? No. Wow.
No. Incredible.

Speaker 1 That's the difference between you and I. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I've kind of been.

Speaker 1 I think you do that, right, Carlos? I think about it every morning. Yeah, yeah.
Drinking? Literally. You think about it.
Drugs, anything.

Speaker 1 That's what sucks out about having alcoholism.

Speaker 1 I don't have it now because it's been lifted from me, but it's like I just remember back in the day,

Speaker 1 like you're planning it. Like, at nine, I'm going to do it.
You know what I mean? And you don't do that.

Speaker 1 I don't. I don't.
I mean, I do look forward to it when I am going to do it. Yeah.
Because I love drinking. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like I know, but I also am at an age now when I know not, like, look, I'm traveling tomorrow.

Speaker 1 I'm not, I don't want to have a drink tonight. I don't want to get on a fucking plane hungover and tired and blah, blah, blah.
So like my drinking is very planned now just because of my age.

Speaker 1 When I was young, when I was fucking McCone's age, it didn't even matter. I could get drunk till 3 in the morning, get on a 7 a.m.
flight, not even think about it. He can do that.
Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's 25 years old. Yeah, yeah.
But like now, as my age,

Speaker 1 it just sucks. It just sucks.
Like,

Speaker 1 it's it's beginning to happen. My body falling apart.
My hands. What's what's wrong with your fa hands?

Speaker 1 Why are you laughing? You look skinny from this angle. Thank you.
Thank you. My hands hurt so bad.
Just hurt. Yeah, I have arthritis, so this hurts.
Really? Yeah. From video games?

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is. Well, video games, right? So I bought one of those hand things, those little muscle, you know, the...
Stress balls. No, it's not stress balls.
Like one of those.

Speaker 1 No, he's talking about like a fucking

Speaker 1 grip thing. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. Grip thing.
I call it a grip thing. Yeah.
And I've been doing that when I'm watching stuff. Yeah.
Right. But it's like, it hurts so bad when I like just not hurt.

Speaker 1 You just feel the cracking and the, yeah, and there's like

Speaker 1 there's a little bit of push and pull.

Speaker 1 What do you think that could be from? Because you're not like a laborer. You don't use your hands.
I don't know. I think I'm just getting to the point where I have now arthritis.

Speaker 1 But it has to be caused from something usually. Sometimes you just get old and get arthritis.
My grandma has that. Your grandma's your grandma, you fuckhead.
He's 50 years old.

Speaker 1 He's not your grandma's age. No, but I talked to other comics and they go, I have that too.
Which ones? Like if I talk to older people, like, you know, like Spade goes my shoulder.

Speaker 1 Spade's 100 years old. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He died twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's unbelievable. No, but let me say this.
Have you thought about taking peptides or testosterone or any of that stuff? Hmm.

Speaker 1 Have you thought about taking testosterone or peptides or? I want to see it. There's a couple of things I want to see a doctor about.
So I think that's one of them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, about this arthritic condition? Yeah, getting like injections or something. Dude, do it.
I get them in my hip, you know? Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I have an impingement on my hip and it makes me feel so much. Well, that doesn't help.
Yeah, so are you not allowed to crack them? This is something like bubble wrap. I know.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. It hurts so bad.
No, no, no. I looked it up one time.
Cracking your knuckles does not cause any. That's an old wives' tale.
So it doesn't cause anything.

Speaker 1 It doesn't fucking, it's just air between your knuckles.

Speaker 1 But they made you feel when you were a kid. It was like, oh, you do that too much.
You're going to blah, blah, blah, you know, whatever the fuck that is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You do that too much, you might end up gay, you know, and I was like, try me, dad, yeah.

Speaker 1 Or they say that it's gonna give you

Speaker 1 master biz is gonna give you hair on your palms. I shave every morning.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What was that? You're gonna get hair on your palms if you jerk off.
Yeah, somebody said that. So weird.
I know.

Speaker 1 And you're gonna go blind if you jerk off too much. Yeah.
Right. Wasn't that one of them?

Speaker 1 Oh, no, it was standing in front of the TV too close. Yeah, too close.
Well, if you're jerking off of the TV too close, you go blind and you get hairy hands. My dad would makeup-wise tales.

Speaker 1 If you watch TV too close, Golama gonna die.

Speaker 1 And I was like, she died already.

Speaker 1 You did?

Speaker 1 You enjoy Nick at night?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Grandma's gonna die because I'll tell you that one story.
Because the TGIF.

Speaker 1 So one night, I used to stay up late to watch, like, if I knew there was like a stand-up on a tonight show. Yeah.
So as a kid, I would sneak up. So we had this one room where the gigantic TV was.

Speaker 1 And then my parents, I could hear them come in, right? So I hop behind the fucking couch and they put in a VCR of a Korean

Speaker 1 porn. No way.
I swear to God. You watch your parents fuck? No, no, no, no.
I had to go, hi,

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 1 it got to the, they were kissing and stuff, like on the cheeks, and they were like cozying up. Whoa.
Right. And I went, hi.
I got in so much trouble. Yeah.
I would have beat the shit out of you too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Now this, all this golf club thing makes sense.
Yeah, but wait, what do you mean? What do you get out of of here? I'd beat you too. Me and your mom are trying to hook up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but what would have happened if I saw them hook up? That'd be way more scarring. Maybe.
Oh, you like, you like?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? That would have been so bad. Take it that dick.
Have you ever seen your parents? No. Would that scar you? They've never had sex.
Yes, they have. No, I would.
Would that scar you?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Yeah.
I've never heard. I've never heard.
I've never seen it. I heard what I thought was it.
Oh, my God. No.
But I don't know. I don't know what'd you hear.
Well, I was so young. right

Speaker 1 i heard um

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 yeah but i was such a young kid i don't but other than that no i've never it never had a i mean my mom walked in on me my mom walked on on me in high school getting a blow job by who this guy from school

Speaker 1 yeah yeah marcos

Speaker 1 no this my high school girlfriend was giving me head wow and literally my mom walked in and i didn't know what i've said this before on the show yeah

Speaker 1 i couldn't say anything So all that came out was close the fucking door. You said fucking.
Yeah. Yeah.
And she was fucked. She was like, oh my God.
Oh, Andrew. And then fucking shut the door.

Speaker 1 And did she yell at you for swearing? Not in the moment.

Speaker 1 But then I said, I'm like, did you ever use that kind of language? Then my girlfriend was so embarrassed. She was like, what the fuck, dude? What the fuck? You didn't lock the door.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I thought I locked the door. And she was like, fuck, dude.
I have to walk out of your house now. Oh, my God.
That's embarrassing. And so then I, then we sat there for a second.

Speaker 1 And I was still hard. And I was like, do you think?

Speaker 1 No, really? Do you think you could finish?

Speaker 1 See, that's the kind of stuff I did. I might as well calm.

Speaker 1 We're already busted, dude. I didn't get that shit in high school.
What? That's what the difference. Head? No, I never hooked up with anybody.
You never got head in high school. Nope.

Speaker 1 Never once. 23 is when I got laid.
What about that guy you blew in high school? Okay, well, I mean, that's not the same thing, dude. Wait, that's the same thing.
Thank you for being a bad friend.