Bobby's Hopecore Era

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You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

You look like a Real Madrid's towel boy.

Like, what's the shirt you're wearing? Ha ha ha ha joke that's why So good No it wasn't good You just did that laugh If I'm not being funny Do that Today Everyone do that laugh And I will do the same Alright thank you You do one Do your fake laugh Yes Yes, yes. That hurts the same.
All right. Thank you.
You do one. Do your fake laugh.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yes.

That hurts the most.

Yeah.

The velocity and the energy behind that is so hurtful.

Pete's wife cooked us some cookies.

Oh, that was me.

I said your wife.

No, no.

That was me.

I baked them.

Oh, I don't want this.

No, no, no.

They're good.

Oh, yeah.

No, no, no, no.

Well, in the middle, what is it?

Thank you. Can you put this? I don't like the smell.
Do you want this? You want one? Yeah, yeah. Good catch.
What are those called? What are these called? Peanut butter blossoms. You want one, sweetheart? I have nicotine in my mouth.

God bless, dude. God bless you.

God bless, dude.

I'm going to have a little taste of Pete's.

I haven't eaten 24 hours.

Why?

Because I took the last bit of my Osimic.

Wow, Pete.

This is bad.

I can tell.

They look bad.

Yeah, they look bad, and they smell bad.

Honestly, and I'm going to finish it because I need to poop today.

I haven't pooped, and I know this will make it happen.

If you're going to finish it, it's really good.

Yeah?

Very good. They look bad.
Yeah, they look bad. And they smell bad.
And I'm going to finish it because I need to poop today. I haven't pooped and I know this will make it happen.

And if you're going to finish it, it's really good.

Yeah?

Very good.

Yeah.

I'll take a bite.

No, eat a whole one.

I cracked a tooth.

Okay, thank you.

You got to cut us eating.

This is the holidays. Oh, nice.

Mmm, peanut butter. nice yeah really good stuff Pete it's really good are you a baker is that your side hobby I cook I bake yeah you watch the great British bake off oh I sure do every season really who won this season I didn't watch this season by the way the most shocking win we can talk about it i didn't have her on my top to win i had bring up the cast the young good looking kid who was beautiful but did you see what happened to him at the end of the episode yeah what what do you mean they showed like he up no at the after that they show like what they're up to now oh yeah yeah he's working at a michelin restaurant it's.
He's fine. You know Paul Hollywood called somebody.
100%. Yeah, yeah.
He got four handshakes. Yeah, he was amazing.
Okay, out of our show, out of you and I, you're Paul Hollywood and I'm Pru. No, dude, that's not true.
I'm Paul Hollywood? No, I'm that black lady that does the jokes. With the great British bike.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're her? No, really? You think Iul hollywood i guess you're right i am paul hollywood you're paul hollywood for sure you're paul hollywood boom but um i give the shakes yeah no you are prue because you look like her bring up prue this is actually what bobby looks like this is genuine that's bobby that's you look up yeah the third photo is that's not you that's not me that little eccentric woman is not you if you were an old white woman yeah if I was an old white woman I would be that yeah that's what the f*** we're doing that's what the f*** this is ha ha ha ha ha ha ha okay so anyway so but ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha is a great baker.
And you know who likes him a lot? Who? Rudy. She's nodding already, pervert.

Zoom in on that guy. He's gorgeous.

Not a great photo.

No, no. Just give me some other photos.

Not that photo.

He honestly, he's such a good baker. He's so good.
And he's so humble.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, he's very good looking. He's cute.

And he's strong.

He's also weird.

That's why I like him. He's a little eccentric.

I like him like that. Yeah.
You don't want him to be

Thank you. Yeah, he's very good looking.
He's cute. He's cute.
He's cute. And he's strong.
He's in great shape. But he's also weird.
That's why I like him. He's a little eccentric.
I like him like that. Yeah.
You don't want him to be- Look at that photo. Put the kid in a f***ing movie.
Yeah, when Paul Hollywood does handshakes to him, he waits too long to shake it back. Yeah, I think he's nervous.
So Paul Hollywood would be like- Yeah. And then this guy goes- I know, but my point is, you shake it right away.
You shake it right away. When Andrew shakes your hand, you shake it right away.
Shake it right away. You know better.
Good forearms for baking. Kid's got great ham.
Yeah. Look at that.
And he's got good flavor. Great flavor.
What's his thing? His thing is flavor. Unique flavors.
Unique flavors. All right.
We're bored. We're bored.
Okay, anyway. No, I don't think we are.
I don't think we are. Well, it's for you and me.
It doesn't matter. All right.
I think the people at home want to know what we've watched. Look at that.
His mom is Indian and his father is Japanese-Belgian. Wow.
And they showed a video of the family, the most wholesome fucking family on earth. These people are wonderful.
Let me see the family. I never saw it.
Do the family. They showed a video of him with his family.
I'll show you. I know wholesome.
But that girl is the one that won, by the way. But she had a good day, that's all.
Yeah, but she wasn't my home run. He was my home run all season.
Okay, do you know what Hope Corps is? Is it a thing online? I know Hope Corps. I don't like it.
I'll tell you what, Jules, when you do, you act as if I'm not from this planet. I don't have the same kind of social media you have.
It's just I see you and I see an old... An old what? An old man.
Yeah. And Hope Corps is my generation.
Oh, really? Well, then why don't you explain it to us? Yeah, explain to us Hope Corps. Side note, do you see an old man when you see when you see me? No Fuck yeah Different What do you see when you see me? Like early 30s I'll take it See what she's doing? She couldn't even look in you in your eye She looked me right in the eye I had to look up and down And I'm gonna say this And I'm gonna speak on her behalf This is what she wanted to say's weird.
You're like much younger than Bobby,

but you guys look the same age.

Right.

That's what her eyes said. That's what her eyes said?

No.

You guys look like very different.

Thank you.

So I look way older than him.

I mean, you just look like an old Asian.

Asian, yeah.

Asians age in a different way.

Whites get uglier.

You just get old Asian.

Okay. Yeah.
Look, look, look, look, look. Yeah yeah now that's a good looking old asian yeah you could never yeah are you is your hair gonna get white like that yeah oh that's cool and he's like he's like thinking of lotus flowers and grasshoppers when you get old an asian man will only what do they think about taking long walks long walks Long walks.
Putting their hands behind their back. It has to be attached.
Has to. Because watch when a Korean man unattaches it he stops walking.
They'll fall over. They'll fall over.
It's all about weight. So.
Yeah. Right.
They think about what? Long walks. Grasshoppers.
Grasshoppers, right? Lotus flowers. Lotus flowers.
A bamboo arrangement.

They love bamboo arrangements.

Bonsai trees.

Bonsai trees.

Clipping.

Dude, have an old Asian man walk by a bonsai tree.

They'll be clipping.

They'll be clipping.

That's why they have clippers in their fucking pockets.

All old Asian men.

Just in case.

Right?

If I walk by a bonsai tree, dude, you'll see me clipping.

He'll be clipping.

He'll be clipping.

I'll be clipping, dude. This is more of your stock right there.
This is is me this is me walking down you're right this is me walking down you can't resist i can't resist it dude if i see dude a lotus flower dude if i see a grasshopper i do this they jump right on my finger they have to right yeah yeah isn't that like to and then we philosophize Yeah right We always philosophize another thing that all Korean men think of is mountains They love sitting up in the mountains How do you know about mountains? I'm Korean How do you know about us in mountains dude? I'm Korean dude Oh my god dude and tea They love love love tea Dude it's gotta be some herb you've never even heard of. And you know what else they love?

Oh, fuck.

Here we go.

They love a good babbling brook,

running water.

They love just a little like...

Little bubbles of water, right?

A babbling brook to an Asian guy is...

And the last thing they think about,

I'll tell you,

is...

And this is a deep cut,

but this is so true.

$2 fucky fuckies.

$2 fucky fucky, dude. Because, you know, old korea men inflation isn't a thing it's not yeah and it should we're gonna pay what we pay in the 1950s but it's inflation i don't care two dollars don't care that's all he has you know why that's where the american government created the two dollar bill what for two dollar fucky fucky people don't realize that yeah they created it right during the vietnam war they did yeah and uh it's they're so hard to cash in because they're rare they're very rare it's a trick almost it is so the prosecutor goes right and they frame them they always frame they actually have a lot of them if you want some well how did you get so many kirk fox he's oh that makes king of two dollar fuck you I'm in the lot and I'll give them to you.
You can have a lot of them if you want some. How did you get so many? Kirk Fox.
Oh, that makes sense. King of $2 fuck you.
King of $2 fuck. I'm in the lot.
I'll give them to you. You can use them.
I just sent them in my room. All right, we'll give them to me.
Okay, give them to me. You know, what's his name does that? He prints his own $2 bills.
What's the guy? Who does this? One of the Microsoft guys. What's one of the Microsoft guys $2? Huh? Bomber? Steve Bomber? Is that? Just type in Microsoft $2 bill.
No bill no no what's the eccentric guy woge uh uh what are you talking about guys what no maybe

it's the apple guy what's the guy what steve wozniak what woge did he print his own look at

this steve wozniak prints his own two dollar bills go back to google search there he is go down yeah

yeah there you go.

Steve Wozniak's probated.

Well, that's good.

Let's move on.

Anyway.

Wow.

Write that down, guys.

Steve Wozniak does his $2 bill.

Let's go.

Wow.

Do something else. Hope Corps.
Let's go. Wow.
Do something else.

Hope Corps.

Let's go back to Hope Corps.

Explain to people

what Hope Corps is.

We'll just cut that out, Andrew.

Sometimes even the king misses.

Anyway.

Tell us about Hope Corps.

God, dude.

Jesus Christ. All I do on this show.
All I do is set us up for material and joke. Bam, bam, bam, bam.
Go ahead. Unreal.
Unreal today. I wish we had a buzzer.
Okay. But anyway, so explain to us what Hope Corps is.
Okay, Hope Corps on TikTok, it's always with a soft, like, peaceful audio. And then the video is mountains or beautiful scenery.
And there's always quotes about... That's not it.
What is it then? And the quotes are always hopeful. And that's hope core.
Yeah. That's not it.
But anyway... What is it then? It's a montage of videos that make you feel like hopeful.
And so but they include some of that, but they most include like soldiers coming home or you mean or a dog. Yeah.
Or friends reuniting and stuff like that. Right.
So but here's the thing. When I watch Hope Corvidio, are you doing this board thing now? Are you mad about are you mad about the Steve Wozniak $2 listening.
No, there's something going on. I can see you processing Steve Wozniak.
How about this? Let's pause, Hope Corps. Let's go back to the $2 bill.
So tell us about Steve Wozniak. I'm listening.
Go ahead. Tell us about it.
I'm so curious now. I don't want to hurt your feelings.
What happened? So Steve Wozniak. Did you get some pussy last night? No, no, no.
Are you in a good mood because you got a little pussy? No, no steve was off ozempic yeah so steve wasniak go back on it so steve wasniak um he prints his own two dollar bills hey does he really i don't you're the one that told us i had no idea okay how did you know about this because you told us this five minutes ago i did yeah i've never heard of this before my life you're doing is very interesting i've never seen you do this style of comedy no Wait, no, what? Of complete denial. I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, yeah, it's a reversal. Go back to Steve Wozniak, please.
Why are you obsessed with Steve Wozniak? Okay, okay. So let's go back to Hope Corps.
Yeah, that's so strange. We're talking about Hope Corps.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very odd to bring that up.
Whoa, what are you doing right now, dude? Such a weird thing. This is an interesting thing.
No, no, no. What you're doing right now is very weird and it's

kind of pissing me off is it really yeah yeah what's going on well i'll tell you why because you you um um put a halt to some of the things i say sometimes do i yeah and when i do it to you right you have a nervous breakdown in your mind do i yeah you did one your face got all pale and when we're talking, you were like this.

Like, yeah. mind yeah you did one your face got all pale and when we're talking you were like this like like yeah yeah okay you were talking to yourself what was i saying like you know what the way bobby did that was like i'm going for it i just you know this is fucking is this your internal monologue or mine but you're i was reading it sounds like it's yours what, this thing you're doing? I love it.
Yeah? Yeah. Let's get the resentment out.
Because I don't want to continue the show without. See, this thing.
I've never seen one. I'm in good.
Have you ever seen him do this? Good spirit. Have you ever seen him do a fucking fentanyl nod? It's the new chair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like this fentanyl nervous chick.
I get a new chair and I'm feeling good okay good so um so anyway the two dollar are you trying to rock you can't rock in your chair I'm trying Steve Wozniak you know what I mean he built a machine and it's two dollar fucking bills you know so anyway dude watching you not be able to rock in that chair is so funny don't get get jealous because daddy be rocking. Yeah? Oh, you think you could thrust better than me? Dude, I can thrust too, dude.
Dude, okay. Anyway.
All right, that's enough. So I've been watching Hope Corps videos.
Honestly, you and I have sent them to each other before. I do actually love them.
Yeah, but the thing is that- Make me cry. At the end of the day, after every video, I think to myself, I react like that like for instance friends that have been seen 25 years or 30 years they cry they hug dude if you and i were separated for 15 years and then all of a sudden we reunite oh i would cry i would absolutely cry 100 15 years that's so long i would cry too no you no you i think i would cry too it's fine if you wouldn't i just definitely would it would depend of why i was gone for 15 years like if i was in an internment camp you know i mean i think that there's a lot of like emotions that would come up like oh my god i'm seeing people for the first time i haven't eaten either why did you go in the first place what did you do yeah i said i lied i was japanese Yeah, yeah, yeah.
yeah. That happens.
Just wanted free rent for a while. Yeah, yeah.
But anyway, I think I would be like, if I see a friend of mine for 30 years, I'd be like, oh. That's it.
I think that's it. At the end of the show, when this show is done, when we stop shooting this show, let's not see each other for 15 years and then we'll see what it's like.
Let's see if the payoff is worth it. I'm down.
Okay. But here's another thing I want to say.
30 even maybe. 30 years.
Okay, let's try. Can you get there? No.
He's going to die. No, first of all, he's not.
Bobby's going to live. I already told you.
I spoke to my- I've never regretted something more in my life.

Than what?

Than calling you out on the $2 with Steve Waz.

The Steve Waz in the act today.

I've never regretted something more in my life.

It was very funny.

No, no, no.

I can see your eyes.

I've never-

Oh, my God.

I fucked up, dude.

Well-

I can't believe that you're so upset about it.

It's insane.

Oh my God.

So anyway.

But here's another-

I love you so much.

Here's another whole thing.

And I don't ever want to not see you.

Okay.

So there's, you know, the soldier's coming home.

Soldier comes home.

Yeah.

Surprises his eight year old kid at school.

He's blindfolded, right?

Yeah. Sometimes it's blindfolded.
Love those. Kid freaks out, cries.
Daddy! Jumps on top, right? Yeah. But my dad? Then I always think to my, I'm home! Right? Mm-hmm.
I'd be like, ah! You know what I mean? I would have like run. You know what I mean? Yeah, you don't want to be near that.
Yeah. So it's like, whenever I see Hope Corps videos and I relate it to my own live they wouldn't happen bring up a Hope Corps so we can watch one and maybe it'll inspire us in a different way the ones with the words I think are great yeah right oh this is happy birthday here we go thank you I want to meet you a few years ago I got symptoms transformed from who? from a 26 year old kid in Baltimore, Maryland his name was Mike Driscoll Mike Driscoll you you or let's play that back with us wow let's play that back with us that that's fucking beautiful yeah yeah i got i got stem stem shell replacement from mike driscoll buddy buddy buddy you're an old korean man in the restaurant why don't you know why did you go to that because i'm just just mimicking that guy.
Do your own version.

You're an old Korean man.

Yeah, but I'm not playing Mike Driscoll.

I'm saying I got...

I'm Mike Driscoll!

I know, so I said I got...

I'm the guy, so I said I got stem cells from Mike Driscoll.

Sure.

So why can't I say that as the Asian man?

That's what I'm asking you to do.

Didn't I just do that?

You didn't do Asian, You did a Southern guy.

That was not Asian. It wasn't Asian.

You were like, I got my stamp sales.

Is that new Asian?

If it's new Asian, that's fine. It's new Asian.

Alright, fine. Be new Asian.

I can't be new.

What did you say? I say I say I'm.

I got stamp sale.

I say I say I'm.

Listen up, a cowboy. Shoot him up.
Bang him up. Anyway, man, I got, why am I celebrating? Oh, you're Ken Patterson now.
Yeah, why am I celebrating? Oh, years ago, man, some guy gave me stem cell sim research. It was Mike Griskell.
What did he give you? Stem cells in my spine. What was his name? Mike Rizgal.
It's funny because I have the same name. Oh, anyway.
I mean, that's... This is Bobby.
Anyway, can I get the breadsticks? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And even if I was like, I would be like, oh, you're the guy? You're the guy? I'm the guy.
All right. That's it.
What if he saw him and he was like, I don't like the way you look. Imagine he's like, you know, somebody saved my life.
Okay. I'm the guy.
Yeah. Yeah.
You say I'm Tony Oksko. All right.
You got it. I was going to say how funny this guy was racist.
He's the black guy. He's like, it's for me.
He's like, I don't want these stem cells anymore. Yeah.
And he takes a knife and starts stabbing his spine to get it out.

God damn it, how do you get the shit out?

Out of my spine.

Right?

And he oozes it into a fucking...

He oozes it into a cup.

Suck it out.

Right?

And then he gets it back to him.

Here you go, black guy.

Here you go.

Here's Walt Lee.

Here's his stem cells.

Yeah.

And it make me jump right up.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I knew I had sickle cell.

So anyway.

It's glaucoma.

Yeah, yeah.

That's interesting.

But see how happy.

Would you be excited?

Oh, yeah, dude.

If somebody saved my fucking.

All right, here we go.

Let's play it.

You don't have to.

Do it.

You're the guy now.

You're the one that's telling everyone that you had some stelsum.

Stelsum.

Stelsum. I're the guy now.
You're the one that's telling everyone that you had some stelsum. Stelsum.
Stelsum.

I had stelsum.

See it right.

I just said it wrong.

Okay.

Yeah.

I had squim squalls.

I had stem cells put in me by a guy from Baltimore.

26 year old.

That's the only reason I'm here today.

Because of Mike Driscoll.

Hey man.

I'm Mike Driscoll.

You are? Yeah man. From Baltimore? You're Mike Driscoll hey man I'm Mike Driscoll you are yeah man from Baltimore you're Mike Driscoll from yeah man really yeah I'm the my stem cells it's from you yeah man wow yeah how did you know I was here you followed me this feels a little invasive well I follow all my stem cells well I I wanted to yeah you're not the only one man that has stem cell my stem cell i have stem cells in every city in america you spread around your step yeah so every i follow all of them around man i want to know where my cells are at dog well it's great to meet you yeah thank you man how are they working out for you good i think good yeah yeah well how about uh thank you.
You're welcome. You're welcome, sir.
Just confuse him? I'll see you next month. I'll see you, too.
Thanks for coming, dude. And he goes all over the country.
I do like this. I like these videos.
Yeah, Hope Corps. Don't you like them? I like that.
Give me another Hope Corps that's going to make me feel. We love Hope Corps.
We're into Hope Corps. You're watching this at night when you get sad.
I know you are. I cry.
No, I don't like the cancer ones. No, the cancer ones.

I don't like the cancer ones.

No, no, don't do this.

They break my heart too much.

Kids' cancer is going to make me fucking lose my-

Get it off.

Yeah.

Kids' cancer is going to kill me.

It breaks my heart when the dad shaves his head.

Why are you laughing?

What are you laughing at?

You're insane, Carl.

You are insane, dude.

Yeah.

You're insane.

What?

They're already going. You don't have to do it.
You're bald anyway. Yeah.
So it's like, yeah. Dude, how funny would a Hope Corps video be of a cancer patient and Carlos is shaving the sides of his head? That's insane.
That's insane. Just the side.
And they're both just crying. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
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What are the ones I don't like? There's some... I'll tell you what I don't like.
I'll tell you what pisses me off on the internet. Yeah.
Hey, excuse me, could you help me with a dollar? And someone else, why'd you decide to help me today? Oh, you just needed a dollar, and I said, well, I want to bless you because you blessed me. There thousand dollars cash this guy i don't like this game i don't like i don't fucking like it's not a good game we don't like it do we what bothers us about it though i can't explain i was trying to say that the other day i was like why does this bother me because i'll tell you why i'll tell you why it bothers me because now i'm giving every homeless guy a dollar just in case i run to that guy right i'm giving everyone yeah now i'm like is it the guy where's the guy all the way yeah and i never see the guy i've just been hanging out at target all week yeah waiting for this guy i think that's why why does it bother you jules i think because you're then just faking yeah faking it yeah who's faking it like myself because you think like oh i have to do this in case someone's video like well and they're video that's what i don't like about it the video of it all yeah look how good i am but let me say something i see a lot of dudes don't tip and give money so maybe it's gonna force people to give money i guess i mean what what's the nicest thing you've done and nobody knows because it wasn't recorded nobody knows you never really talk about it well but.
Well, but if I talk about it now, then people are going to know.

Well,

what's a good moment for you?

So one time,

and this has really happened.

I was at a seven 11,

the one right down the street,

this one right here.

Okay.

Right.

And there was a homeless man and he had a bunch of garbage in his,

in my clothes,

not garbage.

Yeah.

I mean,

but on top of his like,

um,

we,

what do you call it?

Uh,

like a cart,

like a car,

like a cart. Yeah.
Um, he had an album not a record album an album of photo oh right and it was funny that you just didn't leave with photo album it is weird to be like he had an album i'm like oh shit it was a music he's like no no but when i opened it i did open it because there was nothing in it oh my god there was no pictures in it no photo yeah yeah i didn't open it to put my head shot like i hear you go yeah yeah yeah but no so i left a hundred bucks in there that's i opened it i put it in there and it closed and i left and i never said anything that's i love that i've done little things like that before i love that what about you uh you? One time I got cash from a gig I was working, and it was a pretty substantial amount of cash. And I gave the envelope to a person that I used to see a lot in my old neighborhood.
Oh, that's cool. Yeah, he didn't, it wasn't like a big thank you.
I was like, that was a lot of money all right like i actually was like did you because he was like oh thanks man good to see i was like good to see you man and i kept being like yeah i know it's a fucking it was a lot of cat a lot right yeah it was a bunch of cat and i thought it was the holiday season i thought this is a it was when i used to live in west hollywood i saw this guy all the time and I thought this is going to make his fucking, this is going to make his fucking holiday. He probably has family he can't see or he can buy gifts now.
And he kind of, he was just like, oh, thank you so much. And he kept holding it and he didn't really like look at how much.
Yeah. So I waited a little bit to be like, what's in there? Like a, you know what I mean? Like a parent on Christmas, like open it up.
All right. So went into um um guttermucker is that movie yeah so i did a movie in um um montana butte montana with um eleanor kerrigan love and leslie jones love and the weekends there was nothing going on and we're there for a month right yeah so we go i said to my to leslie go let's do shows so there's a theater in town and we call the theater and like we're there for a month, right? Yeah.
So we go, I said to Leslie, I go, let's do shows. So there's a theater in town.
And we call the theater and like we're in town. They're like, yeah, we sold all of them out.
Of course. Okay.
There's no comedy club there. And at the end, we gave the money to the crew.
That's so cool. And when you're doing that many shows, I mean, you're talking about almost $8,000, $10,000.
A lot of money right only two crew members thanked me fuck off that's it yeah and i would even walk by like the sound guy and go hey what's up as he's micing and they're like what are you doing here good show last couple night right yeah we're good did you like it like it like it like it yeah go, did you get the food truck? Because, you know, the food truck. Yeah, we've got acai books.
We get food trucks too. Yeah.
No, thank you. Nothing.
Yeah. Well, you never work with that fucking crew again.
But it made me mad. So it's the same thing as yours.
It's just, you want it. I don't want anything big, but I did want him to be like, brother, thank you.
This is like a big deal. Like something.
Well, because I used to give him money all the time. So maybe he just thought it was just whatever.

But I would give him money a lot.

When I walk home from the store, I would give him money.

I saw the same.

It's the same guy.

He's probably still fucking there.

He watches the show.

What have you guys done nice?

Well, when I first moved to LA, I lived by this.

I'll give her more time to think.

Give her something.

Yeah.

He said, do something nice.

And she was like, fuck, fuck, fuck.

What is it going to be? Yeah yeah one time i didn't kill kill something yeah yeah i could kill it but i didn't spider said thank you all right one time you what babe well i got discouraged helping when i moved out here because i lived by this taco bell and i had no money but i had just a little bit and i gave my food to this guy who was sitting outside and he i was like trying to give it to him And he just goes I don't want that shit And then he lit up a crack pipe Oh yeah yeah And I was like I guess this is LA Yeah that's LA Welcome to LA Yeah yeah yeah By the way that's the same guy That I gave the cash to So he was the same guy But let me ask you something What would you rather have Taco Bell Or crack Or crack Well I don't know where to get the crack In LA I mean I'm not even gonna lie to you right I don't move to That seems pretty close You think so Taco Bell or crack. Well, I don't know where to get the crack in LA.
I'm not even going to lie to you right now. I moved here.
That seems pretty close. You think so? Taco Bell is crack to me.
You clearly have never had crack. You've never had crack.
It's way better than Taco Bell. Well, by the way, when I do smoke crack, I will end up at a Taco Bell at some point.
And when I smoke crack, I do the Diablo sauce on it. Oh, yeah.
Can I have a Dos Ritos Los Crackos? The packets like slap your bitch. Smack a ho this Christmas with Taco Bell.
Jules, do you have? Not like you guys. I haven't done really like a big.
It doesn't need to be a big. The point that we're making in this Hope Corps episode is that it doesn't have to be a big gesture.
can be small we've all okay let's do a small thing so she can think about that because what we did was grand giving a lot of money what small thing give me a tiny one i know you do them all the time i see you do them um i i'll give you one well i i do one that drives comics crazy if i tell you what this is tipping in the lot is gonna drive no it's gonna drive you crazy do you think you you think you'll get crazy After I tell you what I'm about to tell you Well it sounds like it Yeah yeah So what I do is If I see somebody That has potential Of doing comedy I try to talk them into it I fucking hate that So fucking much That pisses me off I do that Don't do that It's Friday night Stop giving hope Don't point at me I've been doing this 12 years Yeah Not her Who did you do that to? A friend of mine that's a YouTuber Stop it Yeah Let people make up their own decisions You know what it's like? You're in the program Starting comedy is like AA They have to want to do it They have to want to go Let them go Don't fucking force them into AA Don't force them into comedy Yeah they have to ruin their life first Kevin Christie Exactlyie exactly kevin christie yeah he's a stand-up i did talk to him into it oh what do you mean oh you mean he when he was thinking about it you told him to long time ago i talked to him in there's a lot of guys like that they're still doing it today because i talked to them into it so don't tell me about what you're telling me about now jules go ahead uh well my. Oh, well, my- Guy, I swear to God, dude.
You know what? Let's stop. Let's push.
All right, hold on. Dude.
Dude, dude. I'll tell you how this- Wait, hold on.
Time out real fast. Yeah.
Let me tell you something that you do that I noticed that is something small. Tell me, tell me.
That's very nice. Okay.
Bobby will see a fan see him in public somewhere and can tell that they want to say something. This is, I'm being genuine.
I'm being honest. Okay.
And if they look too nervous or whatever, he'll make eye contact with them on purpose and go over to them to like make them feel comfortable to say hi. You'll deliberately- I've done that, yeah.
You will do that a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that's very nice because a lot of times people will want to say hi but they don't have the courage or the balls or the or the fucking you know or just don't know what to say and then you'll walk up to them and just give them a hug or you'll smack them you like to hit people you'll go what's going on man what are you doing fucking what are you doing yeah i do that yeah you'll crack them a little bit to shake them up and people like that i think that's a nice thing to do i think that's a sweet thing that people like. But I have to know for sure that

that is happening. Oh yeah, that's embarrassing.

Well, I was like, one time I did it and they weren't

looking at me. And I just came up to a table

and they're like, what do you want? No, it's me.

Yeah, and they were like, no. And I go,

oh no. And I just went back.
It was so embarrassing.

But anyway, I have to know for sure.

I just don't. Yeah.

You don't. You know what?

I've seen you at the airport. You're very good about it.
No, I love saying hi to fans. I'll tell you what I don't like.
I don't You don't You know what I've seen you at the airport You're very good about it

No I love saying how to fans

I'll tell you what I don't like I don't like the way I look Like photos make me nervous Because I don't like pictures Because I'm like I'm gonna look like fucking a dummy In this guy's photo There's something about it Gives me anxiety But you do do Born Identity What do you mean? Born Identity What do I do that's born? do, sometimes you'll wear a cap. I'm Jason Bourne.
And we're at the airport.

And you'll put your hat down like this.

And you walk, and this is when, this is you going, I don't want.

Yeah, sometimes I just want to be, sometimes I just want to be alone.

There's all these little clues about him.

I know.

It's the Leo.

I do the Leo.

Yeah, I do the Leo.

So there's little clues that he does.

I go, okay, he doesn't want to be talked to, or he's in a thing, or this and that.

Yeah, sometimes I'm just in, if I'm in an emotional mood, if I'm depressed, i just don't want to say yeah because then i'm in your photo like this you know yeah because i'm low in your photo i'm sorry and i don't want to fuck up your photo yeah it's like you know i'll yeah let's say hi and then but i do love saying hi to the fans i just some days when we're tired and we're traveling it's hard when someone's like come here get a photo and you're like okay yeah and you look like shit and you feel like shit and you haven't eaten or slept. What's your nice thing? Well, in the Philippines.
Oh, fuck. Oh, here we go.
Jesus Christ. No way to prove it.
Yeah. Right.
There's no tracking record. Yeah.
Also, can you do it in a first world country? On the planet Hoth, when I looked on Hoth, the Tauntauns, you know what I mean? I used to give them free hooves. Hoof passages.
I'll those tauntauns they love that I know they love it yeah okay when I met Zinu the third sun god of the rotating orb yeah yeah what did you do in the Philippines what did you do in the Philippines my friend who who's gay he came he came out he came out of the closet to his parents, but then his parents were very Catholic and very religious, so they kicked him out, and then he had nowhere to go, so I asked my mom if he could stay in our place, and then he stayed in. That's nice.
That is nice. That's nice.
By the way,

when you said

out of the closet

immediately,

it's like,

my gay friend

come out of the jungle.

I know.

There's no closets.

There's no closets.

What are you talking about?

There's no closets.

Yeah, there is no closets.

There's no closets

in the Philippines.

So what do they come out of?

We have just like a table.

Yeah, he comes out.

They make the gay guys get on a table.

Announce everybody.

Okay, I'm gay.

Raise your hand if you're mad.

Yeah.

You house this man who needed somewhere, and that's very nice because of a closed-minded family.

Now, is his family still disown him?

Yeah, they still hate him.

That's gross. That's gross.'t think you're it's real oh i like yeah i'm gonna tell you why you think it's a lie i think it's a lie why yeah because you because i've been out there how many times a bunch of times now yeah and the gay culture it's out it's out let Okay.
Let me talk. It's almost like it's so socially acceptable there.
Right. It's very hard to believe that anybody would be offended by it.
Mom and dad. Even that, it's like...
So when we do my talent show, right? The gays come out. Oh, yeah.
Do they not? Yeah. Right? And they compete.
Yeah. Right? I've seen their families come out.
I've never seen a dad or a mom while their son was performing who was gay. Went, no! We don't know.
They're clapping, right? Yeah. It's just an open society.
And it's okay, Jules. All right? Look at me right now.
I'm not lying. I'm not lying.
Jules, look at that. I'm not lying.
Yeah, that's everybody there. Is that your friend? Yeah, that's everybody there.
That's just the Philippines. Just be honest with me.
I'm not lying. No, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Because you're being very defensive right now. I swear.
I swear. You don't believe in God.
Also, gay marriage is still illegal in the Philippines. So it's not that.
Thank God. I shouldn't clap for that.
No, no, no clap. So sorry.
Yeah, yeah. Wait, gay marriage is still illegal? Yeah.
But culturally, it's not. Culturally, yeah.
A lot of people accept them. But it's just this parents.
Look at them. Is that your family photo? Yeah.
Wait a minute. Go to, honestly, go to, what is, do you think there's a higher percentage of gay men in the Philippines than in than in other countries no i just think that it's i what i love about the philippines is that it's such an open culture in that way where it's like nobody cares no one cares but it's like here that's like here no one gives a shit that you're gay here yeah unless you do drugs and then they'll kill you yeah yeah well right according to the 2013 really updated philippines young adult fertility and sexuality started two percent of filipino men identify as gay survey found 96% of young people in the Philippines identified as heterosexual so it is still embedded in the scariness of the society maybe you're right then what's the percentage of gay men in America it's gotta be 4 yeah 4.7 8.5 adult women identify as gay let me say something what is going on here I think do you think it's this cultural because it should be I think we're all human beings it should be across the board well it does say look i read it wrong it does say 44.7 percent of adult men identify as lgbtq plus so it could be oh it could be anything that encompasses everything that could say like yeah i'm asexual i'm try to just do gay not lgbt that's what i'm saying gay men on earth three percent of men identify as gay or homosexual worldwide oh that's good that's a pretty good a good number what would it be what would why is it good is it good or bad it's just a number what's good about it i think it's a healthy amount like we're drafting gays it's a healthy amount of gays we got to get our gays up it's a perfect amount listen here if it was 12 you'd be like what's? We got to get our gays up.
72% of Gen Z adults identified as straight. 15 is bi, 5 is gay or lesbian, and 8% is something else.
72% straights now. We're losing it, straights.
We're going down. The straights are getting thinned out.
Nearly 30% of Gen Z adults identify as LGBTQ. So 30% of the gen z population says that they are lgbtq plus wow that's a lot of kids and i'm supportive so let's move on yeah i don't i mean i don't have any kids i don't have any kids either hey dude childless no wonder we're still no wonder we're still doing this podcast yeah you know why we're doing this podcast i'd like to i'd I'd like to tell you why.
I'm a rockin' dude.

Don't come knockin'. If you want one of these, I'll buy you one.
Yeah? We're doing this podcast because it's the most fun. It's the most fun and got a little announcement for the fans.
We're working on it, but your boys are going to be coming to Binge on Toast. We're uk uk we're going to do london probably going to do dublin we're probably going to do maybe amsterdam we're going to let you know coming up soon in the fall we're going to be touring around because we want to go see our our friends over the water some people may go some people might not i think everyone would want to go london show up for us in terms, in terms of our team.
Oh. Oh, my God.

Yeah.

No, no, no, buddy.

This is just for us.

Oh, you're saying jet ski?

Well, last week you said I was going.

Did I?

Now you're looking at me like I'm not going.

What's a 50-50?

I mean, we have to make this decision.

We have to make a decision together, yeah.

How come you don't go?

Yeah, why don't you go?

Because my visa.

Oh, your visa.

Yeah, your visa.

I can't just go to any country. What about the 59 states we went to last year yeah i had school bullshit bullshit you're done with school soon when is school over next week wow forever you're graduating no no no i graduate next semester oh wow that's still fast it seems like but you have like a month three months off yeah what are you going to do? Go back to the filts? No.
Just nothing. Just leave.
Were you scared when Trump won? Yeah. Even my boyfriend was like, oh, maybe we should just like.
I can only hope Trump goes through with all this stuff. You know, we're going to kick them all out.
It's like, when? So let's go. Speed it up.
I mean, I don't know if he's gonna too many asians for me too many you're asian too no no he's from san diego yeah yeah he's in he's done he's lost i'm a twinkie he's on the list dude you know that right when i say twinkie what does it mean i don't know i thought white on the inside what are twinkies i thought twinkies are gay you're right there i a banana. No, that's not a...
You're a banana cream puff. You're a cream puff.
Also sounds gay. Yeah.
Yeah, it does. All this stuff does sound gay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you are part of the 3%.
Yeah. Anyway, I'm pretty white.
Am I? No. No, you're a beautiful Korean man.
You're proud of your Korean heritage. I don't think I am because I hang out with a lot of Asians.

Yeah.

That's good.

That's a good thing.

You got a lot of Asians.

You like what you like.

What is this?

You're showing us a map of them.

The sanctuary cities in America.

Los Angeles is not one of them?

Not yet.

What?

What the fuck's going on here?

The sanctuary cities for immigrants?

Yes.

Wow.

Look at that.

I think LA is in discussions to become one officially. So what does a sanctuary does a sanctuary city mean refugees can come there uh and not get deported correct wow yeah but they have to be they have to meet government you have to file you know as a as a seeking asylum you have to come to the port of entry you come to the port of entry you come through a border and you seek asylum and then you have to register that you're an asylum seeking refugee

from whatever country

and then you get registered

with the government.

You can't just like fucking

catch a flight,

come in and then hide out somewhere

and be like,

I'm a refugee.

It's like,

that doesn't count then.

Wow.

And then you're not going to get

any government services

if you do it without them knowing.

I see.

So if you need money

while you're fucking here,

if you're coming from somewhere

that's, you know,

that's how you have to do it.

All I'm saying is

if he deports the amount of people

he wants to deport, dude,

the country is going to be fucked. Yeah.
Well, companies i don't know man no i mean i'm pretty excited about it dude like out of here like farming communities it was like a disaster dude get them out all right you'll see get them all gone dude there's two things you'll see about me getting buff and fucking you'll see what happens with this and by By the way, two things that are fucking rock and roll. Get rid of immigrants and get you jacked? I mean, dude.
Yeah, but you don't think I'm going to get jacked. Trump sounds like Captain America.
You don't think I'm going to get jacked? I don't. No, you're not.
You're not going to get jacked. You're going to get skinnier because you keep losing weight.
You're down 14 pounds now, yeah? Something. Do you notice a difference? You look so small right now.
Yeah, you do look smaller. Lift, stand up.
Lift up your shirt. You'll be real.
He is standing up. I love you, Jess.
That joke, dude. It's old but good.
Look at this. No belly.
There's like no fucking belly. Right here.
Wow. That's nothing, dude.
That's nothing. You were so much bigger months ago.
Carlos doesn't believe it. Ask the window.
No, I do now. You do? From the other shoot we did last week.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was the first time.
You're going to have to call your fucking podcast Tiger Abs. Yeah.
But when I joined the gym- Tiger Abs with Bobby Lee getting jacked. You and Kumail just working out every day.
Imagine if you become a fucking Marvel character because of this.

Whoa.

That'll be so sick.

If you get jacked as fuck

and they give you a Marvel role.

The only Marvel role I could be is Sunfire.

Perfect.

That's you.

That's you with Kumail right behind him.

Look up Sunfire.

X-Men.

Pontiac made a car called the Sunfire for a while.

That's you.

That's cool. I mean, that's the only Asian one.
Oh of course he's gonna play it who is that uh shang chi oh that's a shang chi guy yeah can somebody else be sunfire please god they're gonna give the same he's hot yeah that's a good looking guy good looking yeah we stay in our lane yeah robin hood gold with robin hood gold you can now enjoy the vip treatment receiving a three percent ira match on retirement contributions the privileges of the very privilege are no longer exclusive with robin hood gold your annual ira contributions are boosted by three percent Plus, you also get 4% APY on your cash in non-retirement accounts. That's over eight times the national savings average.
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You could be missing out on some of the best sex of your entire life. Bobby has been smashing it.
It's pretty impressive, dude. They made the news.
This guy, he's going off. They always say first impressions are important.
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Are there redheaded superheroes? They're redheaded. No one is famous that's redheaded.
And if they are, they're mocked. Did Marvel or DC ever create a superhero that happened to have red hair? Poison Ivy.
Phoenix. Oh yeah, Poison Ivy.
Phoenix. Never a guy though.
Yeah, yeah. Male redheaded superhero.
Right. Male.
M-A-L-E. Male redheaded superhero.
Let's see. Ed-headed.
Yeah, male Ed-head. Who is that? Shaft? Shaft was black.
Wait, Shaft had red hair? I don't know. Go back.
Roy Harper. Can you zoom in a little bit? Yeah, yeah.
Roy Harper. Yeah, there we go.
I. I guess.
You do it with a bow and arrow. Who's Wally West?

Wally West?

Dude.

You're super... They ran out of super heroes.

They ran out of names.

Wally West.

What do we call this one?

You know what I mean?

You know what I mean?

Wally West.

Yeah.

King Disaster?

No.

Wally West.

Wally West.

What's another?

GeoForce is good.

GeoForce. I don't know any of these guys.
shield the shield that's pretty good light ray getting weaker there's an Owen Mercer that's just a guy that lives in my building yeah yeah Hank Hall these are just guys I know I know they're just Hank Haywood yeah they're all by the way what the fuck is this daredevil no this list is fucking dumb you're not right whatever this is is not the right list. I don't even know what that list is wrong.
Get off of this website. Don't get angry about it.
Well, he's not. Because you don't like the white name Wally? That's a good superhero name.
Something about his Googling lately. Ant-Man.
Oh, but they gave that to Paul fucking Rudd. Right.
Thanks a lot. Thanks a lot, Paul.
Thanks a lot, Paul. Rudd.
You could be like $2 bill, man. I could be like the Woj.
Handing out $2 bills at random. He's doing good or he's inconveniencing people.
Paul Rudd closed a circle for me once. What do you mean? Circle meets a square? A conversation circle.
What happened? Did I tell you about that? No, I just know what you're talking about. Yeah, I was on Pineapple Express.
My bad.

Okay.

No problem.

I was there and my agents were like,

you got to learn how to meet people.

You know what I mean?

Start conversations.

You know what I mean?

When you're on set, that's how you create,

you know what I mean?

Relationships.

Relationships in the business.

So I was smoking a cigarette and with Pineapple Express was seth rogan apatow paul rudd a bunch of people and they were talking in a circle and i was out on the curb like kind of near them smoking a cigarette yeah and then my agent's fucking thing went you know i mean do it this is it i put the cigarette down and i wander into the circle i don't know if it was paul somebody closed the circle paul does stuff like yeah so then i was on the outside of the circle and then i went back to the crib as well i hate that yeah he rutted you you got rutted what i find out now is is that i i can tell when people want to talk to me on set those guys want to talk i'm just kidding those guys probably love

you they just it's probably in my head i probably did it wrong they didn't know you were there yeah i didn't know i did it wrong yeah you didn't make enough noise what would you do hey guys i play you guys play golf you guys know about the two dollar thing with that alan whatever he makes him whatever his name is

yeah

Steve

Steve Wawaki

you guys

you guys know about

the $2 thing about Steve Wawaki right it's interesting in fact I'm going to mention it on my podcast one day when I have a podcast I'm going to mention it but it's like you guys throw in your two cents do you think you did that do something like that interesting well I don't get cut out of circles like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Actually, I get invited in. I know you do.
Not only do I get invited in, I get a big hug. Yeah, yeah.
I get to travel with them. It happened last night, actually.
Oh, excuse me. I'm sorry.
It happened to me Friday. Literally happened last night.
I got picked up like a little American girl doll. Blake Griffin picked you up to show you off.
So here, can I tell everyone what happened? Yeah. So I was at the comedy store and I was with, I was on a date.
Six foot nine. I was on a date and Andrea's there.
Not my date. Andrea Jin.
Andrea Jin's there and she's a comic. And I'm on a date, first date with somebody.
You met her, right? Yeah. She's a very nice girl.
And Andrea goes, oh, Blake's coming. So I go, okay.

Blake Griffin, huh?

Yeah.

We see him come in and then Andre leaves to go say hi to him.

And then I turn to, and this is the mistake I made.

I turn to the girl and the date I go, let's go say hi to Blake.

Right?

So we go over there.

You thinking this will be a show-off moment for you a little bit?

Just a little bit of like, I know a famous guy.

Love you, mom.

You're right.

You called me out.

Well, it's a little moment for you.

You know, when I kiss that, don't make that face.

I didn't do anything.

Okay.

Hang her back up.

It was over there.

No, put her up behind you, though.

She belongs behind you.

You knocked her off the wall because you slam your chair backwards so anyway um so so so blake's there and i and i um i go in i shake i go in to shake his hand big hands right and he looks at me and he grabs me Yeah, and he pulls me up into the sky like Lion King like the line

Yeah, and he looks at me and he grabs me and he pulls me up into the sky like lion king like the lion king and so what happens is i go he's gonna put me down right were you there i didn't see this part yeah yeah you were there though yeah i was there yeah yeah and he he goes, he has a monologue. Yeah.
Hey, guy. He goes, hey, guy, I don't shake your hand.
I hug you. That's right.
Right. And I like lifting you and you're my little guy, this and that.
Right. And I'm up there for about a minute.
Right. And I'm blushing and I'm trying to get down.
Right. Help.
Yeah. Help, help, help.
Right. Right.
He finally puts me down. I'm blushing.
Right. And I'm thinking to myself to myself oh my date didn't notice that right so then i texted her yesterday this is what i text i go this is so embarrassing she goes i go do you remember when blake griffin picked me up as if i was an american girl doll and then this is what she says your legs were dangling so cute so cute now did you guys did you guys hook up him and blake yeah yeah he's a freckly dick yeah he does yeah people don't know this it's like mine but darker yeah a little darker very freckly no this girl is are you interested in this woman now is this a real thing no i'm just come on i don't know i mean okay dude yeah we don't know who it is she doesn't know who it is No one knows who it is Doesn't matter You just go on I go on a lot of first dates Let's just say that And not a lot of seconds That's crazy Because you love seconds It's a false time No no That doesn't work Because I'm on Ozempic And you don't like seconds I get it But it was a good joke It was in theory it's structured In Australia you had some zingers on fire The kid was on fire Yeah so he picked me up Because you've never been picked up No I won't allow that kind of stuff But there's no one that can pick you up.
Blake could pick me up easy. Blake's huge.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he could.
He just wouldn't do it. It's just a mutual respecting them.
Why do people pick me up? You're a teeny tiny Tim. You're a little teeny tiny Tim.
It's extra funny because Brad Williams was there too. Did he pick up Brad? No.
He stepped on him on accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute. You're very pick-up-able.
Yeah bull yeah yeah you know how you pick your dog up

when you see your dog you pick him up you bend down yeah same thing he's small and cute and

lovable and i oh my god and here's the deal i want to kiss you so i want your little face near

mine and also i so i want to hug you i want to feel your little tushy and i want to give you a

little kiss this is the same topic but this whole fucking korean deer thing got out of hand

what are you talking about a korean deer people online were like there's a korean deer oh i got tagged oh i got tagged this looks like bobby yeah yeah it does look like you it looks exactly fucking like you then i posted on my story and every i got more comments i've ever had everyone going 100 yes you 100 look like this it's that is fucking cute. It's crazy how much- Why does that look like me, dude? The eyes are perfect.
It's like the same depth of feel in the eyes that- The face. Your face- The cheeks.
The cheeks are perfect. The nose.
The nose. The ears even.
It just looks like you because his eyes look like the kind of love you have in your eyes and your soul look exactly like like his look at how happy he is but do you want to fuck that i'm gonna plead the fifth man because i you know that's what i'm saying when you say that i look like that it doesn't seem sexy well you know i mean well look look i've never fucked a deer like that deer has never been laid by another deer that's not true that's not's not true. Yeah, that's an incel deer, dude.

No, it's not.

Yeah, look, he's alone.

He's outside.

Okay.

He's taking a walk.

He's like, mm, this is.

He does look like he has a cleft lip or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He is cute, though.

So cute.

Yeah, yeah.

That's you, bro.

Okay.

That's you.

But then a bunch of comments said,

and I had to do research,

a bunch of comments were like,

dude, it's a fucking donkey, dude.

You're a donkey.

Is that a donkey?

It's not a donkey.

It's a deer.

It's a deer.

It's 100% a deer.

It's a deer.

It's a female deer.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Okay.

I don't know who the fuck.

Okay.

I don't know who the fuck did that.

Did you do that, Carlos?

No.

Phenomenal.

Somebody did that.

That's so good.

That's so fucking funny.

That's you, dude.

That's literally you.

That's insane. They put my beanie and my glasses on there.
That's wild, dude. That's cool as shit.
More of that, guys. Send that stuff in.
We love that. Yeah.
Anyway. Absolutely love that.
If I was going to be an animal, what animal would I be? Well, you don't look like an animal. I don't.
Do I look like an animal? Jess knows. There's not an animal out there that you look at and go, oh, that looks like Andrew Santino.
There's some animals that look like you, maybe. Maybe a beaver.
Do I look like a beaver? My teeth are big in the front. No, there's not an animal out there.
Maybe a lion or something? Give me a red beaver. Yeah, your vibe is like a lion.
No, dude, there is a guy. I just saw it today.
I love you. There's a new viral.
Listen, there's a new viral tiger. Google it.
And I think this is more, it's a viral tiger that came out. Yeah, do it in all caps.
Google it in all caps. Go images.
That's him. That's you, dude.
Oh, I can see that. That kind of does look like.
That's when it came to me. That's you, bro.
Yeah. That's you dude Oh I can see that That kind of Kind of does look like Dude that's when It came to me That's you bro Yeah That's you dude That's me dude Look at me right Right That's you That's literally how I sit outside Yeah yeah yeah But that's not the same tiger No Go to that That guy dude That's Andrew dude Yeah dude.
Yeah, dude, that's you, dude. That's me.
What's going on? What's his name? Ava. Mudang.
After Mudang. Yeah.
Ava Golden Tiger. He's going apeshit online.
Really? What's going on? Why? People just love him because he's unique? Well, he's... Thailand's new sweetheart.
He's a tabby cat. He's a tabby cat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he's just, he's got the right proportions there.
Look at him. He's so cute.
He's Thai, huh? Yeah. Jules, now that you're going to be done with school, what does the future hold? Well, nothing.
All right. And we're giving these people visas.
What's your ultimate goal? Ultimate goal? I don't know yet. I still don't know what I want to do.
I still don't know. Animals? Yeah.
Something to do with animals. Why don't you do a podcast about animals? Well, I don't know if that's going to be interesting.
I'll be honest with you. A future in podcasting isn't something that you would want to do.
Not podcasting. what sucks so what i know but what i'm saying is is that why why so what why don't you do the easier softer way which is podcasting because you'll make more money yeah you work less hours she doesn't care about that and you have freedom but you don't care about that that drives me crazy that you don't care about that okay what about i like playing games what about like streaming yeah stream stream but yeah but but still that's not like you know no what do you mean that's just as vibe that's just like podcasting great unless you're like the number one streamer she could be the number one female streamer maybe you're not gonna beat the guy what's his name kai sanat that guy's fucking so big yeah by the way that's what she's aspiring to be that but that's pretty viable you know but the one thing i will say about that streaming thing that i don't it gets a little girls streaming always goes down this weird little rabbit hole of like sexy sexualizing yeah they get sexualized online yeah yeah so as long as you wear like a full coat like a winter jacket when you're doing it i'm okay with it it.
Yeah. As your uncle, uncle, as Tito Andrew.
I just think the streaming thing for women, the thing I see sometimes on there is I'm like, oh, they're all being sexualized on this thing. It's not just about the thing.
Okay, if you turn it into one, this TikTok that does that with the music. I'm not gonna do that.
That's, oh my. You know that guy? Yeah, I know.
What is that? The guy that does that? The girls do it. I'm seen a guy do it What? I don't think you know What I just did Yeah I don't know I don't think I was looking at the screen What? I was looking at what he pulled up Yeah yeah Pulling up the names of the streamer Show it Have you seen this? What the fuck is that? What the fuck are you doing? Oh when they do like A time lapse thing? No What is it? They're doing like an anime kind of like no i don't like it whatever it is dude look it up man how do you type that in bobby having a seizure usually usually um um cringe um cringe anime streamer no like cringe um any cringe instagram or tiktok usually has dude you're on your Gen Z What are you doing dude? TikTok dude A little attitude He's doing a lot Drunk guy gets an axe What is it? Gets an axe Forget it dude forget it let's move on No forget it let No, let's watch him.
Let's watch this guy get tased. This is just my algorithm.
You're going to get shot. Put the axe down.
You will get shot. Tase him.
Tase him. There it is.
Good, John. No, pick up the axe again and get t I'll tell you that in one second.
You took it to a different level.

No, pick up the axe again and get tased, dude.

Your bond's been revoked because you got a DUI.

That's what I'm here for.

Hit him.

Hey, hey, hey.

Listen.

They say at the end of the world, this doesn't mean you can't go near that axe, you're gonna have a fucking problem, brother.

I'm telling you right now.

We can de-escalate this, and you can get back out of jail, or we can take this a whole new route.

I'll tell you right now, you're going to have that fucking axe.

Get back.

You hit me first. Yeah, you're damn right.
You're absolutely right I hit you first, and I'll take this a whole new route. I'll tell you right now.
Get back. Yeah, you're damn right.

You're absolutely right to hit you first, and I'll hit you again, bro.

And I will hit you again.

I will hit you again.

Back up.

Back up.

That's a bail enforcement agent, by the way.

That's not even a cop.

You know that, right?

That's crazy.

He jumped bail, so he has like a, you know, he gets to act as like a peace officer or some bullshit.

He's not actually a cop.

Who sat on you on? Huh. Whose side are you on?

Huh?

Whose side are you on?

The guy who's trying to, the axe, the guy who's trying to grab the axe.

That's you on his side?

Yeah.

Why?

Cause, what are you doing on my fucking property?

Get off of my fucking property.

Okay.

You don't belong on my property.

I was thinking you would react the same way.

Huh?

If the guy came out of my property?

Yeah.

Get the fuck off of my property. You're not allowed on my property.
It's private property.'t know what tase looks like so i think it's a gun it's a taser gun a gun a taser looks like a gun okay i wouldn't know yeah it looks like a gun but i mean he has a gun no it's yellow it's very obviously okay i've never been tased as a hurt it hurts like fucking it's the most painful it sucks you You fucking you freeze and then you fall down it's the worst i hate it you've done it you had yes an idiot in college had a fucking taser and i fucking hated it it was so dumb and we were drunk oh wow can we buy one no yeah yeah let's buy one all right buy one oh yeah it hurts can you die because i don't want i don't want to be tased and die. Oh, no.
Well, look up their reactions with Ozempic.

Is there a taser Ozempic thing?

Yeah, possible side effects of Ozempic.

If you are hit with a taser, it may stop working.

No, that's fucked.

You know, I read that.

Find the fucking thing.

I was in the face thing, man.

Yeah, the face thing.

Man, God.

It's either that or.

What the fuck is going on around here, dude?

Either that or we go back to the $2 bill stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go back.

I don't want to go back to $2.

Maybe the one, the blue dollar bill stuff so yeah yeah go back i don't want to go back to two dollars maybe the one the blue hair blew it yeah yeah this shit yeah yeah look andrew all right start it over oh yeah yeah it's now that we see it start it over let's see, it's this kind of thing where they're like. Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's all anime stuff.

Yeah.

And if you did that, my heartbreak.

Do try.

Try it.

Maybe you have it.

No.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you try.

You try it.

Do it.

I don't know how.

Yeah.

No, no. You know, the internet's got that.
Yeah, yeah's see it go we did it just do it we'll cut it out if you don't like it yeah go ah I'm in the hospital it's so cringe Jess go it's so cringe yeah yeah you could do it oh wow yeah there you go so good don't do it don't do it So good

Don't do it

Now my heart is free

I know you can't do it

How many views is this popular?

This is Misty Reigns

They go to Misty Reigns

So they just watch her do that?

3 fucking million people

Let's go to this one

Dude I'm working too hard yeah what are we doing yeah oh man i hope they bomb us i hope we but this country's over soon this is yeah this is insane this is what we're doing this is it and by and can i tell you something how old is this kid by the old is this person? Probably old. Some of them have OnlyFans.
I wouldn't know. Okay.
But anyway. I mean, how old is this girl? Who are we watching? It looks like we're watching a kid, a child.
She is 19. Ugh.
What are we doing? I know. I'm not watching some kid do fucking gross.
Get out of here. That's weird.
And there's a dad downstairs. Sally, do the dishes! And she's...
I'm coming. I'm coming.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're fucked.
We're fucked. Future's fucked.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, and then she goes to anime conventions.
Right. I've seen this anime convention thing.
It's like, they don't do it once a year. They do it all year round.
There's these things. They're all over the place.
Yeah. You don't want to do that, though.
No, I don't want to. You know how Comic-Con was like once a year? Now it's like all year.
No, because every city has one now. Well, every city has everything, though.
There's many different kinds. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So Jess wanted to promote her show. Is that why you're here? Oh, I did want to promote my show.
But it's not coming out until... No, maybe after the episode.
Smoothest transitions of all time. Oh, yeah.
It's unbelievable, you. You're flawless.
Fuck you, man. Talk to me like that.

It's unreal.

I am going to New Jersey, Sunnyvale, California,

Fort Worth, Dallas, Portland, Seattle, and Lexington next year.

So I'm just going to take this moment.

If you're out there, if anybody's out there, come see me.

I mean, if there's a way to do it, that's it, dude.

That was perfect.

That was so organic and shit.

People loved it.

Yeah.

Not only, it just helps the rhythm of her selling the show what are you doing man just criticizing you and let me and let me and i'll say i could criticize you and i'll say why you shot at me about the woge thing so i've been shooting at you it's funny it's like don't bring it don't bring a knife bud yeah I'm bringing a bazooka you couldn't hoist one up you fucking little so this is what happened you know you and I come here try to set the tone of the show I brought a popcore pretty good rant it was a good rant that was good a couple of other things and you2 thing. Right.
And it died. I think that's why you're mad.
And you know what? There's a healthy way of getting that resentment out. The way you're doing it, you're going back and forth like that in your new chair.
I'm rocking in my chair. Doing this like the thinker, whatever you're doing with your hand.
I've never seen you do this before. It's because my back hurts.
The think know i mean so um i think we all know in the room right that that was a fail right i got an mri done i'm sorry on my back what's going on and they were like all of this pressure and disc slipping is from you carrying bobby's career lately and i said that can't be showing up on the mri they go trust me it is and we all see it yeah and i said who sees it he goes the community at large. And I said, that can't be showing up on the MRI.
They go, trust me, it is. And we all see it.
Yeah. And I said, who sees it? He goes, the community at large.
And I said, the doctor community? He goes, buddy, social, social. It's everywhere.
Everyone can tell. So I got to get you off my back.
I-N-T-E-R-E-S-T-I-N-G, dude. Interesting.
That's fucking awesome. I told you you could spell your good buddy anyway no he did say my back issues are from interesting maybe you should take a trip to WeSpa no we had fun we went and I can't believe you've never been must come here all the time.
No, I used to like Voda Spa. Yeah, but you never even tried We Spa, I heard.
Yeah, I don't like it. But how do you know you don't like it? Because he's stubborn.
Too many. Too many Korean.
Oh, so I thought. Too many.
I thought. Let's talk about your experience at We Spa.
Yeah, I was kind of Going in the whole naked thing Everyone's naked And Bobby was like I won't see you naked I don't want to see you naked That's so gross Forget it I was going to say a joke Why be mean now Because it's not fair He said your saggy tits No I don't want to see that. No, I didn't say that.
No. Yeah, you did, didn't he?

I was going to say something way worse.

But go ahead.

Go ahead.

I love you.

Well, now you have to say it.

No, I was kidding.

I didn't have one.

Say it.

No.

Say it.

A beautiful lady naked.

Now go ahead.

So anyway.

Yeah.

As we're walking in, I say, am I going to be the only white lady there?

And he goes, no, no, no.

Tons of whites go.

And there was Drew.

is a great show. So anyway, as we're walking in, I say, am I going to be the only white lady there? And he goes, no, no, no.
Tons of whites go. And it was true.
It was a good diversity mix. You wouldn't be the only white there.
And I kind of get why you said no one goes to the Wii Spa with you. Because I was telling my friends and they're all like, I don't want to be naked with Bobby.
I think people think when you say, do you want to go to Wii Spa? They're thinking you're asking, can I see you naked? Kind of. No, that's absolutely incorrect.
But I think that's what they hear. It's like, it sounds like you just want to see all these male comics naked.
Well, I have done it before. Yeah.
You know, Ian Edwards. You know what I mean? I try to get Chappelle.
But what do they have in common? They're black. Exactly.
I don't get your point, but I like to see it. He wants to go with black.
Oh, yeah. I like to see it.
But when you go male, female, you're in different rooms, but then the co-ed, you're in a uniform. You've been there with me.
Fun? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really fun, but it's relaxing.
It's so relaxing. That's why I don't want to go with him.
Yeah, go at a different time, but you should go. Please go with me.
No. How unrelaxing would that be be for me you guys would get right he got recognized a lot upstairs yeah it'd be so not relaxing okay i have my little getaways i go to my gym i go in the cold plunge i go in the sauna i go in the steam room you know who talks to me there fucking nobody fucking no one i get in the cold plunge with my little tiny red penis And it's freezing cold And my little penis goes like this It does the cringe Dude Dude have you been in a cold plunge by the way I love cold plunge Yeah they have one at least Do you do them I go in there for 10 minutes That's literally impossible No you don't Maybe it's not as cold as the one you're going through.
Because the cold plunges, you couldn't go in for 10 minutes. It might be different.
Let me say something. Most of the people, they go in for like a minute.
I try to go up for 10 minutes because I go to the point where I'm about to die. Oh, right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good.
Well, that's good. Yeah, yeah.
That's very good. And I'm going to tell you why if i may okay you may well i'm gonna thank you okay i go to hyundai day spa i've been going there for years and there's like a 95 year old man that's there okay okay and he does a routine and i observe him okay yeah over the years last 20 years asian man old asian man yeah and he does um halfway in the cold plunge yeah then there's there's two different spots there's a jacuzzi but there's also a spring water one where it's super hot love that so he'll go five minutes there and he goes back and forth and i think what what he's doing is circulating his blood.
Just trying to stay alive.

Yeah, yeah.

And so I've been following the same thing as he does.

Good.

You know what I mean?

And I think there's something to do with your health.

I don't know what it does.

But they say three to five minutes is kind of the optimal time to get the benefits that

you need.

After that, you're kind of not, you know, because it's down to 45 degrees.

I mean, they tell you between 40 and 60 is the high end for cold plunge, but five to 10 minutes, you don't want to go any more than that. There's no need for it.
Post-workout is two to three minutes. But what are the benefits of it? Well, there's a metabolic boost you get.
That's 11 minutes in total time over two to four sessions per week has metabolic recovery benefits, right? It's good for your muscle tissues. It's great for me for my nerves because of my sciatic nerve.

It's really good.

It calms the nerve down.

Ice is the best.

Ice is the fucking best.

Can we go to Wii Spot

so I can show you how long I go into the cold plunge?

I don't think you would believe me,

so I want to do it.

I believe you wholeheartedly.

I think you could stay-

You doubt me.

Knowing you,

you could stay in there for 20 minutes, I bet.

Okay, well then we'll do it.

Because you're a strong boy. Just come with me, please.
You're Plus your body's compact You're not stretched out So everything is close Okay anyway No I'm saying like Thank you for being a bad friend Your engine is warming here Thank you for being a bad friend It doesn't have to go that far Yeah You know what I mean That's true My limbs are long Yeah Anyway Jess Will you go back again With me one day Yeah I'd go back I was in the room and as i walked in i was in there for a minute and then this lady walked in and then there was like probably five to six ladies in there and then out of nowhere it's quiet and i don't know where this lady goes do you want to find your uterus oh yeah right right and like right before she said it i was about to get up and leave but then i was like if i get up now it's gonna feel like a response to her saying this is real because she told me about well did you did you lose it well i didn't i don't know if it was to me or to it felt like it was to the room where is your what did she mean by that and then another lady goes yeah and then she's just starts talking about like feeling on your abdomen where the uterus is and then i had to like just kind of wait there for a while before i could leave respectfully oh can you imagine if a guy said that to you in a spa at all yeah like he's like do you want to find your g-spot yeah it was so awkward well let's play that out yeah i'm in the tub with you do you uh what's up sorry i just yeah i usually don't well for a living i just i kind of i'm like a life coach i a life coach Okay what's up Have you ever found your G-spot as a man I'm done thanks man Oh you already found it Excuse me Can I help you find it Can I help you find your G-spot I'll do it for free Usually I charge I'll do it for free G-Spot, what do you mean? Like in the penis cavity or like my anal cavity? It's in your butt. It's in your butt and I can.
I have two. I help men find it in their butt.
Yeah. I found it.
You already got it. I just found it just now.
Can I find, can I try to find another one for you? Oh, so you're saying there's two? Yeah. Well, if you say so, go ahead.
Give me here. Yeah, yeah.
I put this, so this wand, you see this wand that I have? It looks exactly like my penis. Yeah.
You know, I've watched Harry Potter. I've never seen it shaped like this.
Well, if you turn around and I say this magic phrase, and I put my wand in there, it'll detect where you're spotted. Oh, well, you know what? I'll give it a go.
Yeah. Why not? Is it in? Expellious.
Is it in? Jizzious. Yeah.
Okay. Is it in? Did you find it? Oh, rude.
I found it. Yeah, yeah.
Did you? I can't feel it. Okay.
Yeah. Well, have a good day.
Have a safe drive. Yeah.
Did you know about the $2? Oh, yeah. Tell me.
Tell me about it. I got to have a washer watch.
Dude, I actually- Yeah, you're got it. I walked into the steam room the other day.
I did have a guy. I walked in naked.
Traditionally, you put on a towel in the steam room because you sit down. But I walked in naked because no one was there.
It was after hours. Yeah.
And I walked in because I was a little bit in pain. And so I walked in with my cock out and I was like, I was like grunting through the pain because my pain Because my pain was strong.
And then I hear a guy go, you okay, man? And I can't see him in all the steam and the fog. I go, oh, fuck, dude.
I don't know if someone's in here. I'm so sorry, dude.
And he's like, it's okay. I just, you want me to get out of here? I was like, no.
Yeah. You don't have to go.
No, you do make noises in the steam room that you can't. It feels good.
Yeah. This is a noise that Koreans make.

I don't care where you're from in Korea.

Can you guys understand each other?

We know what this means.

And there's no.

It doesn't mean anything, but we know what it means.

Yeah.

It's this.

It's unspoken.

Here we go.

Aigu, aigu, aigu, aigu, aigu.

It's aigu, aigu, aigu, aigu about four or five times.

Aigu, aigu.

We understand what that means. Aigu.
Yeah. And everyone.
And we go, aigu, aigu. aigu About four or five times We understand what that means And everyone What does that mean? Like lamenting in pain? It feels good but it hurts But I'm glad It's soothing There's another one that we know what it means I told you about that We don't have to read You know about juke juke yeah what is it what i remember but i remember the phrase juke juke see what see what he does mccone he's worthless he just agrees without listening at this time at this point he just comes around when you do improv you you know agreeing it's fine but you have to listen as well no he doesn't that's why he won't do stand-up.
I told you. He's not.
Yeah, you're not. Yeah.
Give us a joke. Let me hear you do a bit.
Did you say, oh, God? Did you say, oh, God? You don't want to be on the show anymore. You don't have to be on the show.
Your attitude. Your attitude is fucking bananas.
By the way, Pete has been pleasant all day. Has said shit.
Brought us cookies. Yeah.
Wait, can we do it together?

Okay.

Because we haven't been on the show together and I don't think I'll be on it. You've never been on a show together before?

We have not for months.

I haven't seen her in a long time.

Yeah.

And I'm going on the road next year.

So I don't know when I'll be back.

So.

Okay.

Okay.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.

Woo.