Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee

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Hey, Bad Friends! I'm finishing up my tour in 2025. Happy 2025 to you.
Let's finish it beautifully before I shoot my special. Chicago.
This week, I'm in my hometown at the Chicago Theater. I think it's sold out.
Maybe some standby tickets. Come see me.
Then I go to Durham, North Carolina.

Come on, Durham.

Show up.

Show out for your boy.

Atlanta, Georgia.

Charleston, South Carolina.

Then Philly.

I'm playing the Met.

I cannot wait.

Philly, I love you so much.

You dirty birds.

New York.

I'm at the Beacon.

Then I go to Phoenix.

San Francisco, two shows.

San Diego, two shows.

Boston, four shows.

Four shows in Boston.

Come out and see your boy.

And then three shows as of now in Minneapolis. Maybe we added a fourth.
We don't know. Who knows? Come out and see me, Minneapolis.
I love you guys. AndrewSantino.com.
Go to AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
You know, I've been watching all the Indiana Jones and I know which one I like. You know which one do you like? I know which one you like.
No. Yes.
It has nothing to do with short round. I think the third one's the best one.
It is the best one. The third one.
Yeah. Yeah, with Sean Connery.
Which one's that called? The Last Crusade. The Last Crusade.
The Last Crusade. You know, Lost Ark is okay.
I think it's great. Yeah, it's not bad.
Yeah. Lost Ark is amazing.
The first one? I haven't watched't watched I haven't watched any of those In so long I know Because the reason why I'm re-watching it Is because I'm playing The video game Oh wow On Xbox Fuck Yeah Bethesda has You know what I mean A new Indiana Jones game Where do you find the time? Oh the time is my own In my hands Where do you find the time? The time is my own In my hands Between us developing The animated show And the game show where do you find the time to do all this stuff what goes this show pussy and then indiana jones baby i get it what's up dude you know i mean that's the order dog and then fourth is breakfast burritos i love breakfast burritos what's your perfect bb um colfax ingredients i mean but colfax is phenomenal what do you mean what's your favorite ingredients of a breakfast? Oh, Picofax. Ingredients, I mean.
But Kofax is phenomenal. What do you mean? What's your favorite ingredients of a breakfast? Oh, pico de gallo, dude.
Pico de gallo? You know, eggs. Eggs.
You want a scramble or fry? Bacon. Bacon.
You want crispy or whirky? I love when they put the frijoles in there. You want frijoles? Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna put them in. Why don't they refry it three times? We could.
That's what I always wonder. Well, you know.
We only have a double fryer. Okay, so.
And then, Luigi Mangione. Oh, my son.
Luigi Mangione. My son, he's from the health insurance.
Luigi Mangione, my boy, my boy. Got him.
What a guy, huh? Luigi Mangione. Yeah.
What a name. Mangione.
Boycott McDonald's. Wow.
Her name is Nancy Parker. Look at his chest.
Yeah, look at this guy, dude. Dude, I would harbor him.
Wouldn't you harbor him? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's running from the wall.
Come to my house. Come on in.
I'm not gay. But come on, dude.
I'm making him a couple of breakfast burritos. Dude, he's like Bruce Banner.
Not Bruce Banner. He's like Bruce Wayne.
Hi, Luigi. You slept in last night.
What have you been doing this morning? Running from the law. What have you been doing? What have you been doing? I was just in New York watching a show.
What were you doing in New York? You were on Broadway? Yeah, I watched Wiccan Wiccan? Did you hold space? You were holding space? What do you You think he's gonna go to prison? Yeah, pretty sure I think if you kill someone No, I'll tell you You shoot someone in the back I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen Oh, okay Give it to me You're the DA? No, I'm just No, I'm at the DA I'm bobby lee what's gonna happen what's gonna happen to this guy i think a jury is gonna quit him how and why because because there's gonna have they're gonna have empathy for him brother he shot him in the back i know but his mother what about his mother we knew what you know what i you know what also dude he has the same thing you have back problems you have Back problems, I saw that You don't see me out there shooting anybody But maybe it's not bad enough yet But somebody, if they keep it up, they might get shot You start talking about me? No You'll never shoot me I'll shoot you first I know Let's just touch dicks He's not going to get acquitted He's going to prison for, long time. But if you read the comments online, the people are behind him.
Yeah, because he's good looking. No, it's what he did.
It's because he's good looking. Oh, so if I did it? Dude, no trial.
Life in prison. No trial.
Life in prison. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Me, I'd get like 20 years. Yeah.
You get life, I get 20. No, they would have shot me at the McDonald's.
Can I have a number? And I'd be dead. Right? Put the Big Mac down! Yeah, I'd be dead.
But no, the good looks helps. I'm on a Zipic! Yeah, but the good looks helps.
It doesn't help. It's the only thing.
It's the thing. Look, they posted this photo of him in People Magazine.
He's being glorified. Yeah.
He is hunky though, huh? They're glorifying. Let's be honest.
Yeah, he's a really good looking kid. He's the opposite of Stavros.
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's the opposite of Stavros. They have the same sex appeal for two different reasons.
That's what it is. But this guy is going to prison for la, la, la, la life.
You know what's so funny about that? Stavros and Stavros and Ian Finans. These whites, I know he's Greek, but these whites are my type, but they still get more girls than me.
That's not true. You get plenty of women.
I think they get more. How, dude? How full do you want with your cup? I mean, come on.
They're white. That was the point I was trying to make, but the way you said it really hurt me.

They do get whites.

Yeah.

They get whites.

They're white.

You get off white.

Exactly.

Yeah, I get brown.

Is he here?

Don't tell him I said that.

You manifested him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

You say his name once.

Yeah, yeah.

But seriously, you do know he's going to get life and prison.

He can't get off.

There's no way they'll let him off.

I mean, it was too egregious, the crime.

What if Trump pardons him?

Thank you. once yeah but seriously you do know he's gonna get he's gonna get life and he can't get off there's no way they'll let him off i mean it was too egregious the crime what if trump pardons him won't why would he yeah you're right there'd be no connection to be made but i haven't read like one negative comment about him that's because people look that's because the society is fed up with society's fed up with the way that things are going in the health care industry yep doesn't mean you should kill a guy though.
I think you're right. I think it doesn't mean you'd shoot him.
Well, because he had kids. Even if he didn't, you don't kill the guy.
You don't kill somebody. Yeah.
Can't go out and kill him. That's not how we fix everything.
Luigi, the hero of 2024 says that guy. Read all of them.
Insanity plea. Oh, they're trying to give him an insanity plea.
Read all of them they love him tmz free luigi mugs and cups on sale use code bad friends at free luigi despite who the man worked for that's not okay i don't like that they keep doing this i don't like this he he was someone's son and a dad he's just a guy what do you mean it doesn't matter if he's a father if he's single if he's married he's a guy you can't fucking just kill a guy in cold blood like you can't you can't he did it well but he's gonna suffer the consequences yeah you're gonna go to prison for life holy smoke dr johns by the way you know how much happier that's what run i always saw temple of doom that yesterday how much happier would Indy, Indy, holy smoke. I love it.
I know you do, buddy how much happier would I love it

I know you do buddy

how happy would society be

if he just punched him

then you would get nothing

just knock him out then

if you're so angry

would have made the same news

you wouldn't be on the run

but you also imagine

all the people that have died

because of

was it United Health Insurance

I know buddy

but it's not him directly

I know but he is a symbol of it

and it's like

he has some power

I'm going to go ahead and put it in the middle of the middle. died because of um what was it united health insurance i know buddy but it's not him directly i know but he's he is a symbol of it and it's like um he has some power sure but you can't advocate does he not have any power you can't advocate for murdering him because of it yeah it doesn't just doesn't make sense yeah you can't you just i mean as i'm sorry you just cannot no not sorry i'm for the people though yeah yeah you're from the streets that's how they handle things in poway.
Bobby is pro assassination. No, I'm not pro assassination.
I feel empathy for his family. You know what I mean? You feel empathy for Luigi? No, for Brian Thompson.
Is that his name? I have no idea. Yeah, Brian Thompson's family.
Funny, we know the killer, not the killed. Yeah, yeah.
That's a symptom of America. Look at us here.
There he is. There he is.
What's up, buddy? Love.

And give me a calendar.

Is that for Mama Stabras?

Oh.

Oh.

You got to get these calendars, guys.

These calendars are incredible.

We hang them up in the front room of our studio.

Wow.

Don't give any away.

I don't want anybody to see any photos.

Wow.

Whoa.

Stabby baby. You got some too.

Don't you worry.

The baklava is for... Is this Rosie O'Donnell How'd you get her I don't know how you got her But that's great I'm good thanks Wow So let me say something You're not on Ozempic right I'm not Yeah yeah Just making sure I'm in the control group Have you ever thought about getting on it because i'm on it are you yeah how's it feeling i'm losing some weight i can feel it stand up and show him your stomach it's unbelievable the guy lost he's losing his butt which is cute dude i mean you're always that cute thank you dude he's losing his uh bbl is going away that's what we're concerned about were you ever a butt guy though he had a nice tush kid had a nice i really did have a brazilian type yeah really yeah you were shapely see i can't afford to lose any ass i i have a flatter ass than i'd like i want to get in the gym i want to get you have an asian's ass on bony i wish i didn't but yeah i think you're right i think you do too and that kind of hurts me and the dick because i well yeah but look at these calves i want my ass whoa dude look

at those calves dude i'm saying yeah i feel like i'm at sea how are you so how are you so tan yeah where you where you been but it's raining and fucking by the way by the way it could either be tan with you or gout i have no idea it would be it would be i would look like fucking bobby I had gout. It would be a richer yellow.

That's a good one.

Oh, no!

They survived. I would look like fucking Bobby if I had gout.
It would be a richer yellow.

That's a good one.

Oh, no.

Yeah, anyway.

They survived.

They survived.

Macon!

Good boy.

Like the ball boy at the U.S. Open.
Yo, your mom makes the best shit on earth.

They're so good.

Mama Halkias is honestly...

Baklava.

Yeah, we got a baklava. We got a curabiedes.
We have a mellow macarano. We got it all.
What's up, fellas? Great to be here. Good to see you.
And congratulations on the movie. Thank you.
Give it up for the movie. Yeah, give him a round of applause for the movie.
Thank you. And let's start a cult.
Everybody go watch Let's Start a Cult. It's available right now everywhere.
Really, right? You can rent it. And go see me live on a tour now um the the the dreamboat tour is out you can buy tickets to that now so i'm out here baby let's go baby i'm out here what's what's uh what's the next show the next show our first show is in it starts in uh february it's in wheatland wheatland california You're doing the casino or something? Oh, the Hard Rock Yeah, yeah, yeah

You done that, didn't you?

San Francisco

Going all the way through the west

Down the west coast

So watch out, ladies

Midwest

That's right

I am looking to fuck

Yeah

Yeah, you are

What's your favorite Indiana Jones movie?

Oh, my God

The first one

Everyone's is the first one

Why do you keep asking that?

Wait, wait

You're going to do the one Where he's got an Asian sidekick? Yeah Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha I rewatched all of them yesterday. Okay.
Oh, wow. In a row.
I found the time. It sounds like.
I found the time. Honestly, how many emails did you ignore from the people in don't i don't read them but let me say something about i'm mad at two i'm mad at the temple of dune i'll tell you why why sorry i have box um because when i was a kid yeah i saw that movie okay and then they're at they're in some indian palace yeah the food comes out and in my mind, I think that that's Indian food.
Right. Right? They bring out a gigantic bow constrictor, and then they open it, and there's 50,000 other snakes in it.
Now, they still do have that dish. They do.
There's another one where it's a tray full of beetles. Yeah, the beetle.
And they eat the underbelly of the beetle. I don't remember this.
And then monkey brains. Monkey brains is my favorite part.
Monkey brains I remember. That was cool.
And I remember as a kid, I'm like, oh, I don't like Indian food. I don't want to eat, Dr.
Jones. I don't like monkey brains.
Yeah, yeah. I forgot.
I've read monkey brains. I don't remember how.
Zoom into that photo. No, go back to the photo.
See, that's the monkey part. Zoom in.
Yeah. The original photo you were just at.
Not that one. Go back to the first one.
Now zoom in. You see that guy right there?

Oh, yeah.

That's a white guy that they just got all dressed in.

Oh, right, right, right.

So funny.

And that's Steven Spielberg's wife.

That is.

Yeah.

It is his wife.

You think that's how she got it?

I think she auditioned.

She went through the process.

Really?

Oh, yeah.

It was an offer over.

I bet she read three or four times for that.

They got married after.

Oh, really?

And remember that guy eating the monkey brains right there? Yeah. Look, the soup.in made it into the film somehow yeah yeah there he is wow eric's in it he looks good yeah yeah how clearly is that jello go back look they didn't even try sometimes you see special effects and stuff like that in the movies today like it looks too cheap go back to the original i like it though look that's jello that's just jello yeah they could have tried a little bit it's nice and red i like it because it's because the thing is it's in the uncanny like they want it to be physical it's clearly not an actual monkey brain they respect you enough to do that but they'll be like it's a rendering of a monkey brain especially these are these are like homages to old adventure movies when they didn't have that stuff and you could be very racist like it almost feels like they had to be extra racist to be like, go ahead.
Go ahead, Robert. Yeah.

I had one. They didn't have that stuff.
And you could be very racist. Like, it almost feels like they had to be extra racist to be like, go ahead.
Go ahead, Robert. Yeah.
I don't want to school you guys. School me, kiddo.
Can I school you for a second? Please. That's frozen monkey, Ryan.
Oh. That's why it's that color, dude.
Sorry about that, dude. Yeah, yeah.
Things get brighter when they're frozen. I don't know, dude.
I don't know, dude. You're moving to the speed of light right now.
You need to slow down with a kid. I don't know how it works.
Way too fast. I'm just going to correct you guys.
It's not just regular Monkey Ranch. You're right.
It's been frozen. That was two and the third one is when? The Last Crusade.
Oh, with Sean Connery. Yeah.
That one's pretty. I think that's the best one.
That's the best one. It's not the best one.
Number one is the best one. Number one's the best one, but they both, both two and three have their fun little charms, though.
Totally. Sean Connery and then the beginning part with River Phoenix.
River Phoenix. That's fucking fun.
Yeah. But in the temple, my dog.
He also runs into Hitler. Runs into Hitler.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Him and Sean Connery fuck the same Nazi, which is funny.
Yeah, that's good. Dude, you remember.
Eskimo brothers with the same Nazi with the same nazi god you're good yeah which is a fun yeah that's a fun plot point in a wholesome she was so hot by the way she was the nazi was hot oh she was hot yeah such a hot nazi dude and she um had to read a bunch of times she had to read a bunch of times no no she got the role offered for sure no i saw the documentary really but she got the role. Oh.
That's awesome. This is the most like, let's lose every young person tuning in.
Yeah. By in detail discussing Indiana Jones.
You know who she kind of looks like right there? She kind of looks like Einhorn as Finkel, Finkel as Einhorn. Oh, yeah.
And she does. Who is that actress that played in Ace Ventura? Who played that? Sean Young.
Was that Sean Young? Sean Young. Is that what her name is? Yeah.
Yes. Yeah, she kind of has that same look.
You're right, the bone structure. Yes, because honestly, this was so ahead of its time, an androgynous.
She played a girl so well that could have been a guy that we didn't even question it when they said it was a guy. I have a a different read on okay go yeah give me a read but sad rose i think well first of all i'll say i was so fucking dumb as a kid yeah that i was like i didn't realize because the whole idea was they put her dick in her ass yeah or she was tucking her talking yeah so as a kid i thought she shit herself i thought that was the big reveal is that she had shit and they're like ah she's gross now she's a dirty whore that shits herself but I also will say I think it's a complete I don't think she played it as a dude I think she was just a hot aggressive woman she had masculine qualities that they did tip off in the movie a few times and by the way I know why you thought that was poop and not a penis because because mama halkias was just feeding you that baklava being like don't worry baby don't worry you're probably right i'm right with my dad and he didn't want to explain totally he didn't want to explain he's like she shit herself right you didn't have a jilted childhood where my dad was like that's a dick that's a fucking dick but i think the reason the the fact they played her masculine actually because if a trans girl looked that good she wouldn't be masculine they do but what i'm saying is i don't know be more feminine dude get on the internet it's insane no no they do they do but i'm just saying but i'm saying their mannerisms are not aggressive they like to be girly do you masturbate yes do you masturbate to trans i have to have you you look so concerned no i just want i'm just wondering i've taken it for a spin a couple times where you're not you're not a fan of the party you don't want to show up well i i you know because of jim because of jim norton yeah yeah i um to his wife no no no but i went camping with him right right so you, when you're in a tent with Jim Norton, things are going to be said.
Right. About, you know, a variety of topics.
Got it. In a tent with Jim Norton.
Yeah, and he told me who, you know, who's, you know, the ones to watch out there. Oh.
Yeah, so then I, you know, I went to porn, did some things, and I watched, and I took it. Okay.
Yeah, and I felt bad about it. I feel bad.
You can tell Bobby's uncomfortable because he's just doing that voice for no reason. It's the thing himself from the fact that he jacked off the transport.
Yeah. He's doing it in a goofy voice.
Yeah, yeah. So you have then.
Yeah. Me too.
Sure, yeah. Good.
How about you, pal? I've been free.

What does that mean?

I've seen it all.

Yeah.

There's nothing I haven't seen on the internet.

I feel like I've literally seen everything.

You have seen it all too,

but have you played with your penis by watching it?

No, dude.

I'm usually on there for research, just to really intake information.

I'm really looking at it from a cinematic point of view.

Right, right.

By the way, I will say,

there are some new age shit that's out there. cinematography is incredible not bad some of these are so high-end they're doing such a good job now it's like full production storylines are great and they're twisty there's there's like lens flares it's really good like jj abrams is directing it yeah yeah he loves those lens flares you know what i re-watched on the plane i re rewatched X, Maxine, the first, you know, the X one.
I haven't seen it. Dude, it's fantastic.
It's so fun. It's fun.
It's fun because there's nothing else like that out there. You don't see anything like that anymore.
Yeah, maybe. Okay, good.
It's like a sexy horror, like a really campy. That's the best one of the three.
But it's campy. Was that the first one? Yeah.
X, yeah. But it's super campy, which is like, it tips it.
Dude, it's telling you it knows it's corny yeah yeah so it's funny I would love to do a horror movie fucking beautiful with you guys I would love to do a comedy a comedy camping horror movie no camp B camp B camp B he wants to get back in that tent talking about transportation no shit I'd love whatever gets us in the tent with Jim Norris we'll do a comedy he can't but why can't we make one we can we can do it right now dude yeah we can make one let me tell you something we have to write it and when I say we have to write it it means we can't watch all three Indiana Jones one night we have to write the movie I can write it right now okay do it go what do you think it is we're brothers we're all three adopted brothers yeah we're all adopted brothers clearly and the other we had to lead that horse to water you see he wasn't gonna go there what are you doing i'm the one that said the brothers thing but you stopped the brothers i know yeah and so then you know back in the 70s right well how about this same mom different dads i'm into that that's fine our mom was just a party animal that was like sleeping with all sorts of guys yeah yeah that's fine well maybe like i was told i wasn't adopted but you guys know that i was so that's a theme we couldn't be brothers either him and i look literally fucking nothing alike exactly different dads we could no i don't think so my dog we definitely could not not stop stop we definitely we have literally zero gene crossover i don't know look i think if you start at a base white woman so your dad was like good get and she fucks the most ginger ginger of all time we could get you like and then just fuck she fucks john john goodman in the 80s yeah to get him right and then pat marita pat marita pat marita yeah yeah okay here we go the camp we go back to the camp where she conceived us. Ooh.
She was the camp's lamp piece. Everybody fucked our mom and we go looking for our dad.
Yeah, yeah. There's a tree, too, with all the names that our mom fucked.
Right. That's engraved into the tree.
We have to hunt them all down. It's a lot of names.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like 38 guys for one summer. Think about this for movie-wise.
Dude, we could get like nine films out of this. Yeah, yeah.
We could continue to make this movie. So what were we hunting? What do you mean? We're avenging our mother's death.
We're trying to find who killed our mom. That's it.
It was one of the guys that she slept with that killed her. Oh.
Right. And we're avenging her death.
Now we're getting serious fuck. Maybe we...
You know what I mean? It's a party at the beginning, but then it's like we got to get down to business yeah yeah like we have to get real we hunt down our mother's killer but then there's one name on the tree that's written like there's blood in it you mean it just is frank right it was a demon that killed her what we bite off more than we can chew that's right now we off all, we kill our biological bodies. Right, right, right.
We kill everyone on the tree. And that's easy.
And then last name is this big Frank blood one. Maybe this is, you know.
I like this. Yeah, you like it.
So now we're fighting the underworld. Exactly.
We're badass the first like half hour of the movie. And then we find the last.
How about this? It goes back to, we just kill everyone our don't like we don't like living in a world where a guy fucked our mom right but there's got to be a big because we couldn't stop hearing about it the beginning of the movie is just us as kids hearing about it the whole time everyone coming up to us be like big big big big big foot has to be in it big foot has to be in our mom could fuck bigfoot she could be one of the things yeah yeah maybe that's frank i, yeah. Bigfoot Frank? Or a vampire.
Or he could be a vampire. But how about, you know what you've never seen? What's that? A combo.
In fact, dude, let me just throw this out there. Bigfoot the vampire? Acorns.
I love acorns. You like investing? I like investing and I like acorns.
They're both cute. You know what? Acorns, squirrels invest that.
Oh, they invest- For the winter. For the winter.
And you should be investing for your winter. As a human being, I do it with money.
All right. And I do it with acorns.
Because winter is coming. Winter is coming.
Jon Snow. Okay.
It's on its way. It might be here right now.
Yeah. That's right.
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I like Bigfoot vampire. Dude, he's hairy, but he wears a fucking black cloak.
Right. You're like one of those black cape, but he's super hairy.
Well, how about this? The idea is still the same, though, because vampires aren't really seen that often.

Bigfoot's never seen that often.

So he moves as seamlessly as Bigfoot does.

Okay.

Go ahead, Bobby.

You don't want to have an idea.

You know what I mean? I got to toss it up, right?

So later in the movie reveal, we meet the guy, right?

Frank, the vampire, right?

The Bigfoot vampire.

Are we going to stick with Frank, or is that just a working name for him? No, we can figure it out yeah That could be open to discussion Lusandrio We'll go with that The Manhattan killer Luigi Mangione We'll just call him Mangione And later reveals We see his penis and it's been stitched there. So he's got a franken dick, too.
Oh, wow. You know what I mean? What do you think? He's got like stitches.
What are we gaining from that? It's like Shaquille O'Neal's dick. Like it's a black dick.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
We can incorporate. Back in the tent.
We're right back in the tent. We're back to your sexual desires.
No, no, no, no. Let's get back in.
Back to the Bigfoot. Let's get out of the tent.
Back to the Bigfoot. No.
You took us to the tent with the black cock let's get back to the movie dude I can incorporate another movie into it guy Shazam another black guy I get it black dick I get it the tent we're back to the tent was it to kill Neil O'Neill in a movie called Shazam that character I know there's no bad no bad ideas in Brainstorm. I know that.
I'm just saying, maybe let's reel us back in. I think we were...
All right, we'll take out the Franken-dick. It's getting a little too mystical.
We need to pick one magical thing and pick with it. Well, we combined the...
That's fine. That's enough.
You can't take it out. Art already built the dick.
We already have him building it right now. Oh, we do? Yeah, they're working on it now.
All right, we'll keep it in there. All right, it's in.
And, you know, for the airplanes, we'll just cut that scene out. That's too expensive.
Too expensive. Okay, okay.
Anyway, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Got it. And he goes, oh, you want to do the voice of Bigfoot too? Yeah, maybe.
I thought we'd hire somebody, but I didn't. Wait, wait, wait.
What if you play the Bigfoot too in the makeup and shit? What if we find out, okay, here's how we get three different mystical things in. We find out who our dads were, our three our three monsters that fucked up oh so we kill all these regular guys and that doesn't solve anything okay and then we find out your dad was a Bigfoot and it's you and like a bunch of makeup and like where the fuck is my dad Bigfoot bro you know who you are why am I Bigfoot bro no no no it should be a dwarf Bobby yeah I know, I know.
I thought that's good. You're Littlefoot.

Oh, Littlefoot.

Littlefoot. I think mine's better for you.

I don't know why

things would matter me.

I'm making you

a fucking strong

fucking Bigfoot.

Oh, you're right.

You're right.

You're right.

You're like a dog

but a Littlefoot, dude.

If your father's Bigfoot,

you're Littlefoot.

Oh, you'd be

the dickless elf.

That's what they're doing.

I'm like,

you're a strong

off the Bigfoot.

Yeah, you're right.

Bigfoot, thank you.

That's my dad. Well, who is your dad I know Go ahead Your dad was an oompa loompa You've turned on me You were on his team I remember this movie Little Bigfoot Oh dude Let's just remake that movie Scribe whole thing Yeah yeah I got it My dad will be Loch Ness The Loch Ness monster Oh so we're incorporating More Wow That's sick I see That's very a redhead That's pretty cool dude Yeah But what I apologize about the fucking Oompa Loompa Dude that was my bad We'll come up with something better then Okay I will Who's his dad What Who's his dad What is's his dad? What is this, guys? Oh, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
All right, very good. Very fine.
Dude, that's fucking fucked up. My dad is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man from Ghostbusters.
I think it would be, okay. That's a good suggestion.
That's so fucked up. He's a guest, dude.
Time out. Yeah.
Give me Greek mythical, Greek mythical. There we go.
Let's go mythic. Ooh, you know what it is? Greek mythical creature.
Danny DeVito from Hercules, pan half goats half that's 100% yeah yeah look up Phil from Hercules he just said look up Phil from Hercules he typed out Danny DeVito that is 100% you that's so you dude that's my dad what is that a Tasmanian devil what is it it's a pig I think it's called a pan a pan okay A pan, okay. And they were horny, too.
They were half goat, half man horn. It's actually so right, it's fucked up.
Let's end the movie. Let's finish the movie.
Okay, so, like, all right, so, we'll figure out who our dads are. Yeah.
We run into the fucking, the Vlad, the Sasquatch with the franken dick. Okay, you're back there.
It isn't matter. I thought we were gone with the black franken dick.
Oh, no, you were listen listen yeah yeah if you're quiet you can hear the the zippers opening up the tent i can hear so i also just love that jim is doing like grassroots like oh yeah pro trends or jack off organizing yeah just trying to get one friend at a time. He's walking you through who doesn't do.

No, I asked.

I asked.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

He didn't.

I go, who's out there?

Don't take it so serious, man.

He's just setting it up.

You don't have to get so defensive.

No, because I don't want Jim to hear it.

You know what I mean?

You go, whoa, dude.

First of all, Jim knows we love and respect him.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I apologize, Starros.

And Jim's not listening. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, yeah, yeah, you're right. If we're being very clear, yeah, no chance.
Yeah. That's my bad.
So, okay. How does the movie end, Bob? So, have we killed our mythical dads? Can't be that easy.
Or do we become them? We become them is more. How about we kill them and we think we've done it and then we become them.
Oh. We got them.
And then we fucking, all and then we go fuck some whore and then it starts all over together but there's gotta be like a multiverse thing because all of them have it we gotta put it in there okay so how do we get multiverse is hack now dude it's over it's out it's done really because if we go to another thing and then sasquatch like it could be like emmanuel's you know penis you're right I'm zipper yeah yeah okay oh you know we'll figure that out later okay did you find him attractive you were a boy he you know what I mean we'll figure it out we'll figure it When you watched that show later Did you find him attractive? You were a boy You know what I mean? When you watched that show Did you find him hot? Who? Emmanuel Lewis No but he used to I remember I told you He used to call me randomly At like 2, 3 in the morning Hey Bob I'm in town From Atlanta And you never would hang out And I never would hang out with him So sad Maybe he's trying to don't know. Maybe I just wanted to borrow some clothes.
I forgot my sweaters. Do you have something I could wear, Bob? Maybe, maybe that was it.
Let me borrow a jacket. Yeah.
It's cold in LA. I never hung out with them because I don't, I don't know.
It's just. You don't hang out.
Yeah, I don't hang out. You don't hang out.
Yeah, I don't hang out. If you're going to hang out, it'll be with me at most.
Otherwise, you don't hang out. Or a girl.
It's just... You don't hang out.
Yeah, I don't hang out. You don't hang out.
Yeah, yeah, I don't hang out.

If you're going to hang out,

it'll be with me at most.

Otherwise, you don't hang out.

Or a girl.

Do we have stars like that anymore, though?

I mean, we had the Vern Troyers

and the Gary Colmans.

There's no little...

But he's not really a little.

He's like a...

Peter Dinklage is a...

That's right.

That's true.

That's right.

You just threw it out there.

He's the one.

He's the one.

Warwick Davis is still doing his thing.

Yeah. Vern Troyer, rest in peace.
Tony Cox, rest in peace. What about that little guy that was R2-D2? He's definitely dead.
Yeah, yeah. What's that guy's name again? I can't remember his name.
I don't know. He was a famous actor.
Yeah, he was. No, he wasn't famous.
No, he was. He actually was.
Kenny Baker. Kenny Baker, that's right.
No, he was famous. There's Kenny Baker.
I don't know. Could imagine being in that metal fucking suit.
You probably loved it. All day long.
Probably loved it. Probably loved it.
They haven't approached you to get. Aren't you? For real.
I'm not even joking. Yeah.
Haven't they? Dude, I would assume they would ask you to be in like the extended Star Wars universe with some kind of little guy. For real.
You'd be awesome at it. Not in the fucking.
Let me hear you do some R2-D2 beep-bop-boop. Let me see.
Beep-beep. No, they're not going to cast me.
I'm not going to. I got to drink some water.
Please. Hold on.
For real. I think like in the fucking let me hear you do some r2d2 beep bop boop let me see no they're not gonna cast i'm not doing i gotta drink some water please for real i think like in the mandalorian or in the fucking okay so i swear to god yeah i auditioned for that last one you know when the lady with the hair head oh yes yes right in the mandalorian no it was the lady with the head thing.
The last one. That was what's-her-face.

Lupita Nyong'o did the voice.

Exactly.

And I auditioned for a nine-armed alien,

and I didn't even come close.

Yeah.

I didn't even come close.

What do you think it was?

You know who you'd be great as?

What are you implying?

No, I'm just saying, what do you think it was? What the fuck are you implyinglying what do you think the reason you didn't even come close was i didn't read good they didn't see me as the part bro what are you fucking implying dog well nine arms is hard to fit on your little body i mean they get maybe six well i mean they could be small arms i gotta be real small i mean those two barely fit on that frame stop it it's good stop it but I like it. Nine hard you're right also nine how are they how are they they could rewrite it why an odd number of arms i don't know where's the fucking miss where's the box sided arms there's probably just a voice thing right no it was an actual guy practical practical costume yeah damn you would have been awesome like a body hunt like it bounty hunter.
That pisses me off. Who got it? Let's fucking find him and fuck him up.
I never get those things. He's probably such an accredited actor that we're like, I get it.
I mean, do you read for, have you ever read for a Marvel or a Star Wars? Buddy, what are they going to do with me? Yeah, yeah. I have and I never get them.
If I could have gotten anything, it would have been whatever Burr did in The Mandalorian. That's true.
If Burr let's go get fucking Santino can you do it in the impression you do you want me to be him come to think about you look like BB2 what's the new little robot BB8 alright well you could be fucking Babu Frick there you are dude BB8 Now let's pull up Babu Frick. And let's see who Bobby is.
All right. Oh.
That is me, dude. That is me.
All right. You win this.
It's so obvious, dude. Literally, dude.
You win this, dude. That is me.
Bro, you know how he- He was cute. What did he say? How was he talking? He was really cute.
Like, he didn't really speak, did he? He was fucking- He was so cute, that guy. Well, I can't understand you most of the time, so that lines up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You really act for real, feel kind of like Babu Frick.
Yeah, I'm Babu Frick, dude. Babu Frick.
What a cute one. Whoever made that, dude.
That's such a good looking character. It's a good character.
I've never... I don't even know what happens in the new Star Wars.
I've seen them all just so out of my mind on acid or mushrooms. Really?

Yeah, yeah.

Never sober.

Never sober. I just go in.
I haven't seen any of the new ones. I'm just not there.
I don't think they're good, but to me, they are my favorite ones because I was so fucked up. I mean, I've told this story before.
I don't want to say too much, but people thought I was special needs when I saw the Babu Frick one because it was Christmas and I was so fucked I was so fucked up I was with my brother my best friend and every time he would come on the screen I would be like yeah yeah yeah yeah but I've told that story a hundred times but I literally like and so for me I have no like the old ones I saw when I was a little kid so I don't remember them and you didn't rewatch them as an adult? Not really. That's worth it.
The prequels, I liked the last one. Can I ask you some trivia? Yeah, sure.
I'm not going to get it right because I've seen- Would you like to play some Star Wars trivia or no? Shoot for the hip. Okay.
Go, baby. So when you were in college and Star Wars came out, how did that feel? So funny to think he went to college.
Okay. That's were a boy Luke Skywalker's uncle what was his name He got burnt to a crisp remember You guys know I gotta know I don't know Uncle Owen Are you being real By the way name.
Owen? Owen is just kind of like a weak name. Yeah.
There's no depth to it for how like- Wasn't he Ben Kenobi's brother though? No. I think there was a relationship between Owen and Ben Kenobi that's family.
What? That they were related? I think so. What is it? Owen Lars is Anakin Skywalker's stepbrother, perceived as the brother of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Oh, so there is some family. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. So then those little guys in Star Wars, they're wearing monk hoods.
They're little, with glowing gold eyes. What are they called? The Sand People.
No, the Sand People were the, no, Iranians or whatever that was. Oh, careful.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no.
They are called Sand People and that is kind of, Kenobi is kind of weird about it

because they have an actual name

but he calls them Sand People.

But that's not who I'm talking about.

Was it my uncle was in this movie?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're called Jawas.

Jawas.

But he calls them Sand People.

There's two,

Sand People are the ones

that try to kill Luke, right?

They're two different things.

You're not going to get away

with this guy, dude.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're not.

No, they're not the same thing.

Look up a Sand People in Star Wars.

Look it up.

Give me an image. Look up Sand People on Carlos' computer.
I'm afraid it will come back up. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
I prefer it. I respect.
I take it back. Okay, can we continue? You haven't answered anything.
I don't want to. Yeah, yeah, you're going to.

I let you go.

No, no, no.

First of all, you asked him for the call.

I'm going to ask you now.

Okay.

Okay.

What planet does Yoda live on?

Oh, fuck.

God, my memory's so fucking bad.

You don't know.

I do know.

I don't know either.

No, no, no.

You touched it with a D.

Dagobah. Yeah, that's right.
That's right, bud. I do know that.
Last question. Yeah.
It was originally colonized by Italians. Yeah, yeah.
That's true. By space Italians.
Yeah. So, last question.
You got these fucking space guys coming over here. Oh, I ain't going to Dagobah.
Empire Strikes Back. What's the snowy planet? Hoth.
That's right. Yeah.
So you really have never seen any of them. No, I haven't.
What are you talking about? I played the games. I played the- I don't remember any of that shit.
The one is the Battlefront. You ever play that? I didn't play that because that one's more- What's the one where you get to be kind of a- You just get to the open world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I played those Jedi ones.
Right, right. Be your own Jedi.
This is the new one. Yeah.
I haven't played those. But Battlefront was fun.
You know how Battlefront's played? No, I don't play. I don't play.
How was Battlefront? How was it played? Well, so you just play as like, it's like Stormtroopers versus the Rebels, right? And there's like, you're playing everyone online and you're a stormtrooper right and it's like just chaos yeah right i mean you're like killing rebels right and if you kill enough in a row you get to choose to be you know i mean luke skywalker like if you get enough kills okay and then you for like a minute you you have a lightsaber you can just fuck people up it's such a fun game That is kind of fun Yeah yeah Let's move on from Star Wars I feel like you're

I'm boring you

I feel like I'm a 24 year old

That matched Bobby and Tinder

You never saw Phantom Menace

The new ones

With the J.J. Abrams ones

None of the new ones

No

Wow you've seen them

Yeah

Because of the little guy

Only when I was a kid

I only saw the ones

When we were young

Okay

And when I was in high school

I liked them

You're not a sci-fi guy though

Not a sci-fi guy

Yeah yeah

You're a sci-fi right

I like sci-fi

Yeah I know

I'm open to it

Yeah we're similar

I'm open to sci-fi guy though. Not a sci-fi guy.

Yeah, yeah.

You're a sci-fi, right?

I like sci-fi.

Yeah, I know.

I'm open to it.

Yeah, we're similar in many ways.

I'm open to sci-fi.

Yeah, yeah.

Sci-fi has to be for me like, no, I like fantasy more than sci-fi.

I like fantasy.

You're like a horse.

You're like an elf.

I like fantasy over sci-fi.

No, I like whimsical shit.

I think like out of world stuff that's like weirdo shit. Lord of the Rings over Star Wars whimsical shit.
I think out-of-world stuff that's weirdo shit.

Lord of the Rings over Star Wars kind of shit.

I'm not going to say that it's better than Star Wars.

Star Wars is just so good because when we were kids, it was so different.

Yeah, yeah.

And it was the only thing that was in fucking space.

Yeah, I guess what I'm thinking of is a few bangers like Total Recall.

Great movie. Okay, right, right, right.
I was more to like a- Blade Runner. Comedy whimsy.
Yeah. Like Coneheads.
Loved. Okay.
Okay. Interesting.
Like comedy whimsy, like impractical comedy. I love that.
High concept, like crazy comedy shit. Yeah.
Shit that's obviously not real. Yeah.
I love that. I mean like Princess Bride might be one of the best written comedy films of all time.
to back that's a great movie and the whimsy in that movie is fucking incredible it's so good were you a never ending story guy yes I loved that shit Atreyu never ending story by the way you know who followed me on Instagram the other day speaking of fucking the dog from that movie Atrey? Atreyu? Atreyu or the dog? First of all, Atreyu's dog is not the name. What about the big turtle? Do you know the name of the big dog? No.
Okay, give me the first... F.
He just said it. No, he didn't.
Did you say it? Shut up. Yeah, yeah.
F. There's the turtle.
You know what? I might rewatch Never Ends. Falcor.
Falcor. Yeah, the dog.
What's the turtle's name? Morla-watch never um falcord yeah right what's the turtle's name morla the morla wow what a great oh wait yeah oh you know follow me on instagram mandy mandy fucking patinkin wow that's huge who's that you don't know who fucking mandy patinkin is you're a cinephile oh mandy patinkin he is an ego montoya he is the six-fingered he's yeah he is going after by the way you know who he's going after in the movie yeah who who is he going to kill the six is he on homeland he is on homeland okay that's how i know so mandy betinkin played inigo montoya who goes after who in the film what famous director do we know that you and i have both worked for play the six-fingered man bring up a picture the six fingered man from Princess Bride. This is incredible.
You've worked for this man. Who is that guy? Yeah I know it's Christopher Guest but I never worked for him.
Wait yeah I thought you did. That's you know what that's another way of you slamming my career.
And that's so fucked up that you do that. So now you're gonna you know I'm gonna go I never worked for him that you're gonna go oh yeah my bad and then now I'm hurt.
How did you work for him? How did you work for him? I'll you do that. So now you're going to, you know, I'm going to go, I never worked for him.
You're going to go, oh yeah, my bad. And then now I'm hurt.
How did you work for him? I'll give you six degrees of Kevin Bacon. You worked with his wife in a major motion picture.
That's true. Okay.
So that's enough. How did you work for him? I forgot you didn't work with him.
How did you work for him? On a comedy project that we were just. Yeah.
Never. He would never call me in.
No, he told me he was going to call you in. Couldn't get of you why are you getting so defensive I'm not being defensive he has a way of he has a way of going side and then hurting me I thought you did something with him I never did anything with him what about the movie he did with the little people with everyone in the costume you didn't do that no I didn't do the little people Willow what are you talking about what was the one where everybody was a mascot I don't remember that I auditioned for it I thought you did it no I never it.
I auditioned for it. I apologize, but you at least auditioned.
Yeah, so I have not worked for him. I did a show for him called Family Tree.
I did one throwaway episode. That's great.
It was fantastic. Congratulations, Andrew.
Thank you so much. Let's go.
God damn it, dude. I think you feel good.
No one's heard of that fucking show. That's exactly right.
That's true. Isn't it better to have not worked for him and maybe- But someone got some buzz on the cult movie.
What's that?

Someone got some buzz on the cult movie.

Why is this turning adversarial right now?

It's not the adversarial.

Well, congratulations now, bro.

It seems like somebody, a demon possessed you.

No.

Like a benevolent demon. What a joy that you're working.

I am happy for you.

I like how you pretend like you've never seen this show.

That's true.

This is exactly what he does.

That is true.

Can't wait.

But we were all, we're hopping along.

We're talking about fucking Star Wars. Yeah, you're right.
And then one perceived slight and Bobby has shut does. That is true.
Can't wait. But we were all hopping along.
We're talking about fucking Star Wars.

Yeah, you're right.

And then one perceived slight and Bobby has shut down.

He does that.

And now he's acting out.

No, I'm kidding.

You're sad.

Very good to jump.

I need you around more.

How about this?

This will get him in a good mood.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's talk about Blackcock for two minutes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get Bobby back in a good mood.

Franken, Franken.

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Playoffs?

Playoffs?

We're talking about Yeah, let's talk about Blackhawk for two minutes. Yeah, yeah.
Get Bobby back in a good mood. Franken, Franken.

DraftKings Sportsbook.

Playoffs?

Playoffs?

We're talking about playoffs.

Playoffs?

You bet we are.

Get in on the action at DraftKings Sportsbook,

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Oh, my God.

That's the National Football League.

That's right.

And scoring touchdowns is key to winning the playoffs, Bobby,

and you know that better than anybody. I love the National Football League, too.
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Ready? To place your first bet, Bob, what should you do? Touchdown. Try betting on something simple, like a player to score six.
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Let me look, let me look. Oh my God.
I know bulges. Don't look at Big Dick Marathon.
Coming marathon gay porn video. I know.
And by the way, save it for later. Fucking, you know.
The tent is a rhetorical device. We don't actually want to pull up pornography.
Get back to reality. The movie is getting a lot of talk, by the way.
Thanks, man. Everyone is in them streets talking about it.
It is fun. I mean, it's crazy.
I am shocked that I got to fucking make a movie. But yeah, it's fun.
Go rent it. Buy it.
Buy it. Rent it on Amazon, Apple, wherever the fuck you buy movies.
Now, how did this... Is it something that you had pitched, or is it something you just got cast in? No, I wrote it.
Oh, you did? I wrote it with my friends, and we did a short movie, or we did short of it and a production company are like wanted to make it wow uh dark sky films and uh queensberry pictures and they were just like i'm kind of it's kind of fucking wild it's amazing like it's just we just made a movie amazing and it's fun it's stupid as shit and it was like i really do want to make i mean we're joking about uh you the movie about our are we? mythical fathers I don't think we are it was fun as shit because I really think comedy movies should just be this where it's like friends get together have an idea we all carve out we write it over however long we carve out a month and we shoot it on a modest budget because we know we can actually be funny. We don't keep it super, we keep it reasonable.
And then, I mean, what the fuck have we done? By getting rejected from the industry for years, we all had to build our own fan bases. Look at this.
And I think that's what I found. It was just a test of the waters to see if it was fun.
But I really want to make more movies with my friends and just even if even if like they don't have to be fucking huge releases or anything just to make stuff for the fans that people that come out to see us do stand up who listen to our podcast they fucking like comedy movies too it's just nobody's fucking making no one's making them and you just inspired me i think we're gonna do it let's do it i'm being real let's do it let's do it yeah yeah you know we got to do though right i will write we have to do it we're gonna do it you'll do it yeah 100% dude all right i want to do it really bad that'd be great dude because you know it's inspiring you know it's like um i think you're right i think we have i mean because you get approached all the time you know i mean and to read or like you know i mean to look at my script but it's like i don't oh really you're trying to do a christopher guest thing again i think i'm doing that i'm not doing that i don't get it all the time i don't get approached all the time yeah i don't have a deal with nbc in place where i'm developing a show about an agent you want one for hulu i don't have one you have a hulu show i have a special on hulu and a show with me on hulu right you're on that show yeah dude we pitched a show by the pitched a show. By the way, I'm looking for a fat bug or a fat bird or something for this show.
By the way, you think you're not going to be on the show? 100%. You're on that.
You're in mind? Yeah. No read, nothing.
Love it. I don't want to give it away, but I do.
There is. Trust me.
Okay. Don't worry about it.
I'm interested. We already have the people that we have in our sight lines of who we want on this show.
And Bobby wants a lot of good cameos in the pilot. So Bill Cosby said he would do a pilot.
Yeah. You guys got way back.
Spacey's coming back. Spacey's coming back.
Spacey's coming back. Yeah.
Yeah. He's coming back.
That would be awesome. Yeah.
He plays the principal. Yeah.
You boys have been back. Yeah.
Well, it's also, I don't know if you guys feel, but it's also cool because it is a ton of people and it feels fun. It feels like it's a team instead of like- You feel like you're in on something.
Yeah. Instead of standup where you're just by yourself, especially a movie where you get to- because I did get to cast some of my friends in that one, but it's like, that's another thing about the next- We never really- Yeah, not got- I believe- We never got- Not even- You actually did.
No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.
Did I? Yeah, yeah. But you couldn't do it.
cause I was gone yeah yeah that's actually true and there was no part for you we couldn't afford you Bob were you gonna play my dad what did you wanna play do you wanna play the newscaster that he didn't play and Tom Papa did yeah Tommy Papa did it you wouldn't you're not a newscaster let's be be honest. Let's see you read the news.
Give us, bring up, bring up. No, you're right.
Talk to us about, you're right, you're right. Wait, wait, bring up the shooting in Midtown and let me see him read this as if it, let me see you read this.
Let me see if you could. I wasn't even vying for the part.
What the fuck is going on here, dude? Let's hear it. I wasn't, right? Zoom in, ready? Yeah.
There you go. Just the first line.
Yeah. Hi, I'm Frank Maggioni.

No, no, no.

The guy's name is Meg.

You're fired.

No, no, no.

You're fired.

No, I gotta create my name.

Yeah.

You need a name.

Yeah, I'm Troy Fugumato for ABC Channel 7 News.

Luigi Maggioni, the suspect in the killing of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson, is

fighting his extradition to New York where he faces a murder charge.

He was denied bail during a court appearance in Pennsylvania.

I can't believe you can't do that with the ad reads.

That's remarkable.

A lot of producers on that one.

Yeah, yeah.

It takes us an hour and a half to do an ad read.

That was just cold reading, so could I have done it?

You could have.

If I would have practiced.

You're that talented?

But you don't have the look, man.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, it's okay.

We've heard that our whole career. And trust me, the next project I have, you don't have the look for any of the other.
Whoa. Wow.
And that's a guarantee. Wait a minute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you really want to come to – first of all, I don't even know if you were friends then.
I shot it last June. I think I might have done the podcast.
Star Wars, I don't care. I get how it works.
Yeah, okay. Right? I didn't come to your mind.

It's fine.

No, no.

There's no... It's fine.

I have no resentment.

No part of you, motherfucker.

It's fine.

I'm just saying.

You don't think I want to...

I'm just saying.

When we do our fucking movie,

you're not going to be in it.

Why are you just saying I ain't standing up?

Yeah, you don't always get offers

and you say no,

so don't complain. I do not.
Yeah, you do every time, dude. That's not true.
I was pumped to have you on tires. Yeah, did you do tires? We were in Australia.
Oh, tour. Yeah, we toured too.
Okay, you fuck. There you go.
I would have loved to have you on tires. And I'm not doing cult part.
Hey, hey, hey. Yeah, fuck off.
I wanted to see you. I was happy.
All right. I was happy when we had...
Can't play a newscaster. I'll fucking show you, dude.
There is no newscaster in the world except maybe in, like, Malaysia that looks like you. Yeah? Connie Chung, bitch.
She's so much more... You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.
You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right, you're right. Yeah, you know i'll be honest with you star bros in the animated show i'm gonna have we're gonna get you a lot of work there hell yeah dude and uh whatever projects that we come up with and that i'm involved with i will have you on because i just think you're super talented i know the street doesn't go both ways no it's but but but but but.
Keep going. Go ahead.
I know this. Listen.

Sometimes streets don't go both ways, right?

These two streets do.

Dude, these streets?

These are two ways.

Two ways.

Two ways.

And a freeway off-ramp.

There's a freeway off-ramp.

There's the whole thing.

And an on-ramp.

Bridge.

All that stuff.

Deadhead. Right?

This is a one-way deadhead street.

But it's fine, dude.

How?

I don't know my mother's cookies.

You know, I'll be honest with you. I did not like You didn't finish this piece of shit baklava dude Alright My Korean grandmother can make better fucking baklava Bitch Now you're being fucking crazy Try the other one Go eat another Dude stop it They're right there.
Stop it. Eat a different cookie.

I'm sorry.

Eat the brown one.

You're right.

Tell me it's not good.

Yeah, yeah.

Eat the brown one and tell me it's not good.

I'll eat it on camera.

Please do.

What do you think?

What's the brown one?

If you say the brown one's not good.

The one that looks like poo, you mean?

Stop it.

I'm sorry.

Can I say something about this exchange right now?

What?

I just want to put this out to the world so people understand because we're such close

friends.

But Bobby, you don't let no Asian comedian talk about no Greek mama's baklava. That's law.
Yeah. That's true.
Don't let no Asian comedian talk about no Greek mama's baklava. That's law.
That is law. You know where I come from? We talk about Greek mama's papa.
No, bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just eat the fucking food. All right.
Eat the brown. Let me describe it first.
Okay. This is like donkey poo donkey poo.
Dude, don't be out of line right now. I'm being serious.
Fuck you, dude. I don't know what you're doing right now.
That's a fucking olive oil, This guy's mother is a fucking queen and made this for you. You eat it and you be fucking nice.
With freshly crushed walnuts on top. How am I the bad guy? You don't talk

bad about his mom's... You said my mother's cookies look like

donkey shit. That's right.

I wasn't even done with the description.

With little tiny dried maggots on it.

Keep in mind.

Keep in mind, when the show's over, he can fuck

you up. I would never.

Yeah, I don't think he would. I would never.
But I could.

But he could. But I would.
I know you could.

And let's get out.

Yeah, you're a man.

You're a man, dude.

Right?

You got man strength.

All right, take a bite.

Is this the thing?

Yes.

All right.

Phenomenal.

And be real about it.

Go ahead.

Take a sip.

Don't have to chew into the mic.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fucking people in audio.
people in their cars rated honestly out of 10 out of 10 i call it the bangladesh road cookie oh my god what do you think that was made by feet no dude if i was on a road in bangladesh you are so full all right we get it you're a good actor you're pretending not no i'm being real It's a road in Bangladesh. You are so full.
All right, we get it. You're a good actor.
You're pretending not to play these cookies.

No, no, no, no.

I'm being real.

Oh, my God.

It's a Bangladesh road cookie.

It's the same thing.

How have you ever been to Bangladesh?

Yeah, and what I'm saying to you do is this, right?

That's free in Bangladesh.

That's out of line.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you just said out of line.

There's nothing you can do about it.

I'm sure she's a nice lady, though.

Out of line, dude.

Close your eyes.

Bangladesh road cookie? No. Do not play that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is so good.
You know I've said nothing but good things when I take these home. It's the Ozempic.
Do not play the job, BFC. I'll take the whole thing home.
You take the whole thing, yeah. Great, because I fucking love it.
I can't put anything down. Okay.
Okay, so that's my bad. Just tell me the taste is good, though.
It's phenomenal. I mean, the honest truth, it's...
Oh, my God. No, I'm going to be real.
What kind of desserts do you like? I don't know. Duck feet? You ever had duck feet? Let me be completely and utterly honest with you.
Please don't start lying now. I'm not going to lie, okay? The flavor was good.

The texture is not my thing.

Fantastic. Because it's a little soft.

Yeah, it kind of just crumbles in your mouth

and it's not my thing.

But that's just my own thing.

That line is so funny. It kind of just crumbles in your mouth.

That's delicious. It moistly melts

in your mouth. It's got like a pumpkin spicy

kind of vibe to it.

It's a white people flavor. It's not a white...
I like umami. His mom is from the Mediterranean.
It's an olive oil based cookie. It's not butter.
Okay. It's honey.
Honey, olive oil, ginger, cinnamon. None of that's, I would say, explicitly white.
Giannis' mom and John Stamos' mom would make better cookies.

That's a fact. I've had dark cookies.

I'm being real.

That's not true.

Your mom isn't really great.

It's like

Greek adjacent.

That's fine.

Giannis' mom is in the fucking dirt, bro.

What? His mom is dead.

His mom's fucking dead.

And she still makes better cookies.

Fuck you. Fuck you stop you stop bros okay so they're okay guys honestly bro yeah whoa what i i don't like this behavior but man you're coming you're coming out swinging dude yeah swinging right now yeah insane i mean that's the truth and i'm a truth teller am i not you are a truth i lay things out on the table and i just i'm all feeling based and my feeling is is that It's insane.
I mean, that's the truth, and I'm a truth teller, am I not? You are a truth teller. I lay things out on the table, and I'm all feeling based.
And my feeling is that it's all right. Stamos would never bring you cookies, and you know it.
You're a truth teller. Look into your glass ball.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me what you see.
This is what I see, okay? Tell me what you see, dude. Oh, I see.
Read our fortunes. Yes.
Your mom isn't hairy enough to be Greek.

Whoa.

Okay, bro.

That's not a thing. That's not a thing.

That's a compliment.

Go back.

Go back.

You named a negative thing and said she wasn't that.

That's true.

That's true.

That's true.

I just don't do crystal ball improv.

Yeah.

Yeah, I've never learned it.

You didn't take that class.

I didn't take that class.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's more groundlings.
That's groundlings stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not there. So, you know what, dude? It was pretty Yeah, I've never learned it.
You didn't take that class. I didn't take that class.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's more groundlings.

That's groundlings stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you know what, dude?

It was pretty good

and thank you so much.

But can I be honest with you?

If you never brought cookies here again,

I wouldn't really even think about it.

I would think about it

because I'd want them.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So bring them for me.

Honestly, can you get this trash here?

Oh my God, dude.

I'm being real.

I'm being real.

I'm being real.

Because I don't want it in front of me.

McCone, if you bring a trash can over here and throw that in the trash can i'm gonna be fucking pissed oh my god thank you macone don't do this don't do this the disrespect is crazy look at my eyes dude look at my eyes just look at my eyes right now you piece of shit do not do that i swear beat it beat it crowd! Beat it. Beat it.
Beat it, kid. Then he beats it to the kid? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Garbage. Garbage.
Garbage, everybody. How do you say garbage in Greek? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Teach him how to say it just so he knows. Yeah.
Skoupedia. Skoupedia.
Skoupedia. Play it for us.
Click it. Yeah.
Huh? Skoupedia. Skoupedia.
Skoupedia. Skoupedia.
That's insane. Yeah, yeah.
You need to get back in the tent. You need to be more loving.
Wait, wait. I understand that this is because you're insecure, Bob.
Yep. And you're lashing out.
Yeah. No, I'm insecure about what? Stavros? I don't know.
I honestly legitimately don't know, but you are. And that's what's causing this behavior.
Okay. You know what's kind of beautiful about that? That is true.
Yeah. He shouldn't be insecure about anything.
No, he shouldn't. It's a perfect little being.
But why are you? Why are you throwing me? I feel like he intact. By whom? Okay, let's go back.
Let's go back to the last 40 minutes. That's not even it.
No, that wasn't even it. Right? Number one, the fucking short round slams.
You started. Okay.
Number two, the fucking franken dick like I want to suck dick or something. You do.
I don't. want to suck the dick all right okay and then number three to pile it on you know he offered everybody in town a role in his movie except me that's right because i'm not versatile enough to play a fucking news anchor okay the only part i had was newscaster left yeah yeah okay it's fine which is an insult to me more than anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number four, shitty cookie.
Oh, shit. His mom never baked him cookies.
That's what this is about. His mom never baked him cookies.
I see his brain working a thousand miles a minute. His mom never baked him cookies.
He's like another actor. Are you guys looking forward to Nostarafu? Nostarafu.
Yeah. Nostarafu.
Are you looking forward to it or no? Big time. Me too.
Aren't you? Robert Eggers. I love him.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. It'll be fun.
Are you going to see this Dylan movie or no? Dylan who? This Bob Dylan movie. Oh, yeah.
You know what? I'm not interested in that. I love you.
No, I love you. No, I love you.
I love you. I love you, Timmy, but I just.
Nah, I'm not interested. Those movies don't interest me.
It's just like. Like the Elvis movie? Yeah.
Yeah the Elvis movie was, if Baz Luhrmann did it, I would watch this movie because I like Chalamet.

And it's so weird and like, the pacing's crazy.

Anyway, we're not going to see it.

I don't know what it is.

It just turned me off.

The preview doesn't look good.

Kony and I talked about it too.

I'm not a huge Dylan guy. Yeah, I don't give a fuck about it.
Hey, Mr. Town.
I don't know how to do it. But a bunch of boomers, that's just hot.
I know. But even still, my dad's a boomer though.
He just never was a Dylan guy either. Yeah, which one? The criminal or? Dude.
No, the criminal. The criminal was more rock and all rock.
Highway 61 Revisited. You didn't like that? Blonde on Blonde.
Blood on tracks. Blonde on Blonde if it's a pornography.
Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, these are masterpiece albums, dude. Wait, really? I'm being real.
These are the Dylan albums. I just don't really love them.
I don't really love them. This might be a generational thing.
Oh, you think so, guy? Yeah, I do. Really? Yeah, I'm going to feed into it.
Well, yeah, because after Vietnam, you kind of were- Fuck you. What? After Vietnam, what? After Vietnam, that's when you found your niche.
That's like when you really started to groove. Yeah.
You're fresh out of Vietnam. Yeah, you got back.
Yeah. You were a spy.
They sent you into the NBA. 66.
Yeah. You were two.
No, I wasn't even born yet, thank you. So you had to think about it though i'm not that old okay you did have to siphon through that brain to go it is crazy like you do you have you're very youthful it always takes me back the first it's awesome to watch people find out your age for the first time what old are you again i'm 35 i have oh shit dude yeah yeah no you look great you have a baby face thank you thank you yeah i'm well so so when you listen when you hear my age you also kind of have baby hair yeah that's good that's really good yeah it's both so 53 is old no it's not old dude we're just fucking around it's not no i'm just saying but that's much older than you guys.
No, you're 40. I'm 41.
You're closer to death for sure.

I would honestly just assume you were, yeah.

You're the same demographic maybe.

Yeah.

Okay.

Because of your lifestyle.

We talked about that.

Yeah, I mean, I probably had like life experiences different than you.

I think like, you know, when I was in high school, there was no cell phones and stuff.

Did you have cell phones when you were in high school?

Yeah.

Yeah, we didn't have that.

Or internet.

I didn't have a cell phone. Senior year.
T99 texting I was texting on T9 People got cell phones My senior year people started to like It started to become a thing You didn't get one though right I did get one at the end of my senior year Yeah I did get one Did you beg your parents Beg beg beg beg beg Yeah yeah Got a Nokia A little Nokia A little Nokia brick Yeah A little Nokia brick And that game little brick, a little Nokia brick. And that game Snake, I played like one time, 12 hours.

All day.

All day. All day, every single fucking day.

That game is so fun.

See, I'm generation, I'm Super Nintendo.

Yeah, me too.

You're a Super Nintendo too?

I'm Nintendo first, but then SNES was my shit.

I didn't get Nintendo.

Okay, see that?

Right, so I guess I'm more Nintendo, you're more Super Nintendo.

Guess what I am. And you're more Atari.
No. That is Atari.
Intellivision. Oh, Intellivision.
Yeah. You know what Intellivision is? Were you plugged in the fucking thing? No, look up Intellivision.
Damn. That's what I played with.
Yeah. Look at that thing.
That looks like a radio. Isn't that funny? One of your cousins made it.
Yeah. In television, it was incredible.
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That looks pretty fun. They are pretty excited.
You didn't know any better. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa. Oh, the cookies worked.
Yeah, it was a cookie. The cookie came out.
My mom heard you cursing. Right, right.
She'll hit you from anywhere. She's good like that.
So there was like, in television, there was there was a game that was like a dungeon and dragons game but basically it was like this just a box and you were a dot right i remember oh yeah i do know this right so i right like that that was pretty much what it was and i went over to my friend's house and he goes check this out and see where the green is that those are areas that you're not supposed to go right but he goes check this out and he went through into a green area and he goes secret room oh i'm like and at that time it was like wow yeah he's like what's no rules here he started taking his pants off secret no one knows what happens while we're in here yeah yeah wow went back to the tent huh yeah You did. Yeah, right, went right to the tent.
You do. Oh, okay.
We're figuring it out. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. It is the- Secret room.
No one has to know what we do in here. I'm finding out what the lashing out is.
This time it's 75% latent homosexuality, 25% career anxiety. That's what the cocktail of the last time was today.
I just put it together. I think it's 80-20

if I'm being honest.

It's a little bit more.

Because career is going good.

Yeah, but even,

but he does,

he still is sensitive

for some reason

I don't understand

because you are awesome.

You're the man

and people want you and stuff

but still, you know,

a little lashing out.

Yeah, shaky lashing out

for no reason.

And it's not,

and it's not.

I respond to energy.

You do.

And your energy was a little to energy. You do.
Yeah.

And your energy was a little too much.

You don't.

He came in here like, you're the boss, and I pushed back.

You wanted to make sure he knew you were the boss.

That's right.

The voice is back.

Anyway, we're all good here.

It's fucking cookie shit. Hey, hey, hey.
Cookie shit. Hey, stop with the cookie shit.
It's clean. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But yeah, so- That looks fun. Congratulations, everybody.
Were you a Dungeons and Dragons guy? Were you a D&D guy? No, but can I tell you about Dungeons and Dragons real quick? There's a Dungeons and Dragons movie that Chris Pine was in yeah

it's really good

we gotta pull it up

it's called

what's it called

yeah yeah yeah

that

Honor Among Thieves

that movie was so surprisingly good

here's my problem

I've heard that

here's my key problem

why is there a hot guy

in Dungeons and Dragons thing

well he's a rogue

now we're back on the same page

yeah

he was a rogue

he was obviously a rogue make these make make this entire cast unattractive yeah make this entire pretend they're a sexy guy but i really like avatar this that's what every guy who plays yeah thinks they look like guys that look like me play think they're that think they're getting goblin pussy looking like that that's the whole point you can get goblin pussy though oh and i do that's the irony now what now if we were in that world would you get goblin pussy me without question yeah no it's not my style well we oh you'd be only for elf pussy come on dude relax come on fairy elf every once in a while you'd get a little goblin person. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
I'd stick to my elves.

I'd stick to my elf, my fairies.

I'd stick to my- Fairies are tiny, though.

My favorite.

Yeah, perfect.

Tiny.

Perfect.

Tiny cock.

Yeah.

Tiny fairy.

Yeah, I'm just fucking Tinkerbell, and it just makes sense.

Yeah.

I think it's just that size.

I'm like, yeah.

Imagine fucking a fairy, and then she's like, is it in? Oh no Oh fuck Yeah Yeah But what would you be? Would you be A nymph? I'd like a nymph I'd be more into those I'd be into alchemy Ooh you'd be a wizard? A warlock? You'd be a warlock Like potions You know that's my whole thing I'd want to be one of those big I'd want to have a big axe He wants alchemy Oh you're like Gimli I be a brute. You're like Gimli.
He wants alchemy so he can like pour himself a pocket pussy. Yeah.
I like collecting things, you know what I mean? Like mushrooms and whatnot. What would you be in that? You're a forger.
Yeah, a forger. What would you be in that for? Oh, you know, I'd be carrying some sort of weapon.
I'd be defending the community. Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.
I'd be a brute. Yeah, you'd be a brute.
I'd be a brute. I'd be a brute.
No, buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy. No, dude.
You'd be my companion. I'd be a brute.
Someone's got to see over the trees. No, you're like Samwise Gamgee, the emotional support.
Yes. No, no, you are a physical man.
Okay, how about this? You and I would be a team. Just say that.
I'd like that. Be a team, and how about this? We'd be a team, you're getting crazy goblin pussy, and I'm focused on the mission.
Yeah, that's true. And that's the character dynamic.
That is true, that is true. And I'm like, stop, we have to go.
And you're like, just let me hit this real quick. And I'm like, Bobby, can you mix me up in a lecture that cures herpes? Here you go.
I already took it this morning. And then I would say, can I go with you guys? Yeah.
Well, maybe not on this run. No, no, no.
Because I've never seen a dragon before, and I know you guys are going to go hunt that dragon. Oh, and that's awesome, and we're going to next time for sure.
We're going to for sure. Actually, we're not even going to see any dragon.
Not on this journey, no way. Why are you going to Mount Lonely? Well.
That's where the dragon is. No, no.
We're going by there. Near it.
Oh, I see. But it not stopped.
But then where would you go? Are you going to Carlsbad? Or Bakersfield? I mean, where are you going? Do you know about the sand people?

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so you wouldn't invite me to the end?

No, we would.

It would just depend on the mission.

So let me throw you some things.

Damsel in distress.

Would I get to go?

No, that's nuts.

I say we bring him.

What for?

Yeah, how many damsels are there?

Can I be honest?

Your attitude today?

Ooh, you're not getting invited invite a damsel in this room.

Oh, interesting.

I don't know.

Oh, interesting.

When we're podcasting, this is fine.

But we're in the woods.

Yeah.

There's orcs descending on us.

Yeah.

I can't have a little freak out.

Right.

You know what I mean?

Because we offended you.

Yeah, you can't panic.

You need to eye on the prize.

I don't need to worry.

Is he actually going to give me the cure for orc pussy?

See, here's the thing, Stavros.

Yeah.

Is he mad at me?

I wouldn't be mad because you actually invited me.

Right.

Oh, hey. No, I'm sorry.
My I like to feel included, you fuckface.

No, I'm sorry.

My bad.

That's all right.

I'm so sorry.

You're right.

We would take you on a mission.

My bad.

That's all right.

I'm aggressive.

I wish, what would be awesome is I wish I could go back in time and just like send an email to you that you definitely would have just missed, wouldn't have read.

Yeah, you could prove it.

Like I sent you an email and I'm like, oh, my bad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would love to hack your email.

You wouldn't have known.

You could have told him we talked about it. I should have said it.
Actually, we did. Dude, what are you talking about? You were supposed to be the second lead.
Oh, fuck. Yeah, you bailed.
Yeah, I bailed. I had to rewrite the whole movie.
The guy wasn't Korean anymore. I probably wouldn't have done it in the first place.
Yeah. I know.
You know that, right? I do know that. Yeah, I would probably have done it in the first place.
That's what's frustrating about this. I know you would have turned me down.
Yeah, yeah. I wouldn't have read it immediate now.
Well, everybody at home needs to go watch it. Watch it, because I read a couple of reviews.
I'm lying. Go on Rotten Tomatoes.
Yeah, go check it out. And also get the calendar.
Please get the calendar. Please buy tickets.
I'm going on a huge tour. Where is the calendar at? Stavi.biz.
Stavi.biz. S-A-V-V-Y.

Let's start a call.

82%.

That is huge.

That's huge.

That's insane.

Not enough real guys

reviewed it

to get on the tomorrow.

What do you mean?

Not yet,

but it will be.

We'll get there, baby.

How many reviews do you need?

I don't know.

I think it's 100.

Isn't that right?

All right,

now go to Borderlands.

See what I got.

What did that get?

I think it's still

at like 15 or 20. 50? 10 man okay that's bad it's not bad yeah i got i got a couple of those it's fine it is what it is yeah the kevin hart game one yeah me time that's probably time that's probably what's that me time what's me time it's got to be at five percent maybe maybe four and a half seven seven yeah oh shit tough these movies are fascinating because it's like those guys are so famous and they're they're the fakest movies of all time yeah disrespect yeah it's like they almost feel like movies from 30 rock making a joke about a shitty movie that kevin hart was in yeah and it's like and they're both so famous and talented it's like how did this happen but i guess they're getting the bag from netflix well because it just doesn't matter it's just they pump these things out yeah like that's the thing they just pump them out but You know, they're both so famous and talented.
It's like, how did this happen? But I guess they're getting the bag from Netflix. Well, because it just doesn't matter.
It's just they pump these things out. Yeah.
That's the thing. They just pump them out.
But you know what? They're not pumping out Let's Start a Cult. They're not pumping out stuff like that.
Go watch it. Yeah, but guys like us, though, right? We're in movies like this.
They're fine because they're like, oh, I got nine movies I'm about to do. And they just got- Him and I are going to be like, okay, I guess this is it.
This is what we get. This is what we got this year.

It sucks.

Go watch Let's Start a Call.

Go see Stavi Baby on tour.

You know I love the coffee.

Thank you, dude.

I love you.

I love you.

Let's go have dinner.

We'll have dinner tonight.

Let's go.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you. Woo-hoo.
Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo. Yeah.