Stavros, the Off White & the Golden Lee

Speaker 1 This episode of Bad Friends is presented and fueled by Hule, your go-to for complete nutrition. Try Hule with 15% off today using code BAD Friends at my.hule.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 Hey, bad friends, I'm finishing up my tour in 2025. Happy 2025 to you.
Let's finish it beautifully before I shoot my special. Chicago.
This week, I'm in my hometown of the Chicago Theater.

Speaker 1 I think it's sold out. Maybe some standby tickets.
Come see me. Then I go to Durham, North Carolina.
Come on, Durham. Show up.
Show out for your boy.

Speaker 1 Atlanta, Georgia, Charleston, South Carolina, then Philly. I'm playing the Met.
I cannot wait, Philly. I love you so much.
You dirty birds. New York, I'm at the beacon.

Speaker 1 Then I go to Phoenix, San Francisco, two shows. San Diego, two shows.
Boston, four shows. Four shows in Boston.
Come out and see your boy. And then three shows as of now in Minneapolis.

Speaker 1 Maybe we added a fourth. We don't know.
Who knows? Come out and see me. Minneapolis.
I love you guys. AndrewSantino.com.
Go to AndrewSantino.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 You know, I've been watching all the Indiana Jones, and I know which one I like.

Speaker 1 I'll do like that. You know which one? Which one do you like? I know which one you like.

Speaker 1 No. Yes.
It has nothing to do with short round. No, I like it.

Speaker 1 I think the third one's one's the best one. It is the best one.
The third one. Yeah.
Yeah, with Sean Connery.

Speaker 1 What was that called? The Last Crusade. The Last Crusade.

Speaker 1 The Last Crusade. You know, Lost Ark is okay.
I think it's good. It's not bad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but Lost Ark is amazing. The first one? I haven't watched any of those.
I haven't watched any of those in so long.

Speaker 1 The reason why I'm re-watching it is because I'm playing the video game. Oh, an Xbox? Fuck.
Yeah, Bethesda has, you know what I mean, a new Indiana Jones game. Where do you find the time?

Speaker 1 Oh, the time is my own in my hands.

Speaker 1 The time is in my own in my hands. Between us developing the animated show and the game show, where do you find the time to do all this stuff?

Speaker 1 Well, it goes this show, Pussy, and then Indiana Jones, baby. I get it.
What's up, dude? You know what I mean? That's the order, dog. And then fourth is breakfast burritos.
I love breakfast burritos.

Speaker 1 What's your perfect BB?

Speaker 1 Kofax.

Speaker 1 Ingredients, I mean. But Kofax is phenomenal.
What do you mean? What's your favorite ingredients about breakfast? Oh, Gallo, dude. Picode Gallo.
You know, eggs.

Speaker 1 Eggs.

Speaker 1 You want a scramble or a fry? Bacon. Bacon.
You want crispy or whiskey?

Speaker 1 I love when they put the frijoles in the break. You want frijoles?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm going to put them in.
Why don't they refry it three times? We could. That's what I always wonder.
Well, you know. We only have a double fryer.
Okay. So.

Speaker 1 And then.

Speaker 1 Oh, Luigi Mangioni. Oh, that's fun.
We took going to tell you something to see all from the health insurance. Luigi, my boy, my boy.

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 What a guy, huh? Luigi Mangioni. Yeah.
What a name. Mangioni.

Speaker 1 Boycott McDonald's. Wow.
Her name is Nancy Parker. Look at his chest.
Yeah, look at this guy, dude. Dude, I would harbor him.
Wouldn't you harbor him? Oh, yeah. Yeah, he's running from the wall.

Speaker 1 Come to my house. Come on, I'm not gay.

Speaker 1 But come on, dude. I'm making him a couple of breakfast burritos.
Dude, he's like Bruce Banner. Not Bruce Banner.
He's like Bruce Wayne.

Speaker 1 Hi, Luigi. You slept in last night.
What have you been doing this morning? Running from the law? What have I been doing? What have you been doing?

Speaker 1 I was just in New York, watching a show. What were you doing in New York? You're on Broadway? Yeah, watching Wiccan.
Wiccan?

Speaker 1 Did you hold space?

Speaker 1 You were holding space? What do you... You think he's going to go to prison?

Speaker 1 Yeah, pretty sure. I think if you kill someone...
No,

Speaker 1 if you shoot someone in the head. I'm going to tell you what's going to happen.
Oh, okay. Give it to to me.
You're the DA?

Speaker 1 No, is it.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not the DA. I'm Bobby Lee.
What's going to happen?

Speaker 1 What's going to happen to this guy?

Speaker 1 I think a jury is going to acquit him. How and why?

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 they're going to have empathy for him. Brother, he shot him in the back.

Speaker 1 I know, but his mother. What about his mother? Well,

Speaker 1 you know what also, dude? He has the same thing you have. Back problems.
I saw him. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't see me out there shooting anybody. I don't, but maybe it's not bad enough yet.
But somebody, if they keep it up, they might get shot. You start talking about me? No.
You'll never shoot me.

Speaker 1 I'll shoot you first.

Speaker 1 I know. Ooh, buddy.
No, let's just touch dicks.

Speaker 1 He's not going to get acquitted. He's going to prison for a long time.
But he's a long time. But if you read the comments online, though, people are behind him.
Yeah, because he's good looking.

Speaker 1 No, it's what he did. It's because he's good looking.
Oh, so if I did it?

Speaker 1 Dude, no trial.

Speaker 1 No trial. Life in prison.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Me, I'd get like 20 years. Yeah.
You get life. I get 20.
No, they would have shot me at the McDonald's.

Speaker 1 Can I have a number?

Speaker 1 And I'd be dead. Right? Put the Big Mac down.
Yeah, I'd be dead. But no, the good looks helps.
I'm on a Zampic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but the good looks helps. It doesn't help.
It's the only thing. It's the thing.
Look at, they posted this photo of him in People Magazine. Yeah.
He's being glorified. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He is hunky, though, huh? They're glorifying him. Let's be honest.
Yeah, he's a really good-looking kid. He's the opposite of Stavros.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's the opposite of Stavros. They have the same sex appeal for two different reasons.
That's what it is. But this guy is going to prison for lola life.

Speaker 1 You know what's so funny about that? Stavros? And Stavrose and Ian Fidanz,

Speaker 1 these whites, I know he's Greek, but these whites are my type, but they

Speaker 1 still get more girls than me. That's not true.
You get plenty of women. I think they get more.
How, dude, how full do you want with your cupeth? I mean, come on. They're white.

Speaker 1 That was the point I was trying to make, but the way you said it really hurt me. They do get whites.
Yeah. They get whites.
They're white. You get off white.
Exactly. Yeah, I get Brown.
Is he here?

Speaker 1 Don't tell him I said that. You manifested him.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You say his name once. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But seriously, you do know

Speaker 1 he's going to get life in prison. He can't get off.
There's no way they'll let him off. I mean, it was too egregious, the crime.
What if Trump pardons him?

Speaker 1 Won't.

Speaker 1 Why would he? Yeah, you're right. There'd be no connection to be made.
But I haven't read like one negative comment about him. That's because people, look, that's because society is fed up with,

Speaker 1 society is fed up with the way that things are going in the healthcare industry. Yep.
Doesn't mean you should kill a guy, though. I think you're right.
I think it does mean you'd shoot him.

Speaker 1 Well, because he had kids.

Speaker 1 Even if he didn't, you don't kill the guy. You don't kill somebody.
Yeah. You can't go out and kill him.
That's not how we fix everything.

Speaker 1 Luigi, the hero of 2024, says that guy. Read all of them.
Insanity plea. Oh, they're trying to give him an insanity plea.
Read all of them, dude. They love them.

Speaker 1 TMZ. Free Luigi mugs and cups on sale.
Use code badfriends at free luigi.com.

Speaker 1 Despite who the man worked for, that's not okay. I don't like that they keep doing this.
I don't like this. He was someone's son and a dad.
He's just a guy. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter if he's a father, if he's single, if he's married. He's a guy.
You can't fucking just kill a guy in cold blood. You can't.
You can't. You can.
He did it.

Speaker 1 Well, but he's going to suffer the consequences. Yeah.
You're going to go to prison for life. Holy smoke, Dr.
Johns. By the way, you know how much happier.
That's your round.

Speaker 1 We saw Temple of Doom Duck yesterday. How much happier would he...

Speaker 1 Holy smoke, Dr. J.
I love it. I know you do, buddy.

Speaker 1 How happy would society be if he just punched him? Then you would get nothing. Just knock him out then.
If you're so angry, would have made the same news. You wouldn't be on the run.

Speaker 1 But you also imagine all the people that have died because of

Speaker 1 United Health Insurance. I know, buddy, but it's not him directly.

Speaker 1 I know, but he is a symbol of it, and it's like he has some power. Sure, but you can't advocate for it.
Does he not have any power? You can't advocate for murdering him because of it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It doesn't just doesn't make sense. Yeah.
You can't. I mean, I'm sorry.
You just cannot. No, I'm not sorry.

Speaker 1 I'm for the people, though. Yeah, yeah.
You're from the streets. That's how they handle things in Powwe.
Bobby is pro-assassination.

Speaker 1 No, not pro-assassination.

Speaker 1 I feel empathy for his family.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? You feel empathy for Luigi? No, no, for Brian Thompson. Is that his name? I have no idea.
Yeah, Brian Thompson's family. Funny, we know the killer, not the killed.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a symptom of America. Look at us here, our swing.
Yeah, there he is.

Speaker 1 There he is. What's up, buddy? Love.
And give me a calendar. Is that for Mama Estabra? Mama has.
Oh! Oh!

Speaker 1 You got to get these calendars, guys. These calendars are incredible.
We hang them up in the front room of our studio.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Don't give any away. I don't want anybody to see any photos.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Stavi baby.
You got some too. Don't you worry.

Speaker 1 The maclema is for. Is this Rosie O'Donnell? How'd you get her?

Speaker 1 I don't know how you got her, but that's great.

Speaker 1 I'm good. Thanks, David.
Wow. So let me say something.
You're not on Ozempic, right? I'm not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Just make it your case.
I'm in the control group.

Speaker 1 Have you ever thought about getting on it? Because I'm on it. Are you? Yeah.
How's it feeling? I'm losing some weight. You can feel it.
Stand up and show him your stomach. It's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 The guy lost. He's losing his butt, which is cute, dude.
I mean, you're always that cute. Thank you, dude.
He's losing his BBL is going away. That's what we're concerned about.

Speaker 1 Were you ever a butt guy, though? He had a nice tush.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he had a nice tush. I really did have a Brazilian type.
Yeah. Really? Yeah.
You were shapely. See, I can't afford to lose any ass.

Speaker 1 I have a flatter ass than I'd like. I want to get in the gym.
I want to get a bus. You have an Asian ass on pony.
I wish I didn't, but yeah, I think you're right. I think you do too.

Speaker 1 And that kind of hurts hurts me. And the dick.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 But look at these calves. I want my ass to be.
Whoa, dude. Look at those calves, dude.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. I feel like I'm at sea.

Speaker 1 How are you so tan? Yeah, where you been? Mediterranean fucking. By the way, by the way, it could either be tan with you or gout.
I have no idea.

Speaker 1 I would look like fucking Bobby if I had gout. It would be a richer yellow.

Speaker 1 That's a good one. Oh, no.
Anyway, they survived. They survived.
Macon!

Speaker 1 Good boy. Like the ball boy at the U.S.
Open.

Speaker 1 Yo, your mom makes the best shit on earth. They're so good.
Mama Alquias is honestly. Baklava.
Yeah, we got a baklava. We got a curabiedes.
We have a metal macarono. We got it all.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What's up, fellas? Great to be here.
Good to see you. And congratulations on the movie.
Thank you. Give it up for the movie.
Yeah, give them a round of applause for the movie. Thank you.

Speaker 1 And let's start a camera. Everybody, go watch Let's Start a Cult.
It's available right now everywhere, really, right? You can rent it. You can rent it.
And go see me live. I'm on a tour.

Speaker 1 The Dream Boat tour is out. You can buy tickets to that now.
So I'm out here, baby. Let's go, baby.
I'm out here.

Speaker 1 What's the next show?

Speaker 1 The next show, our first show is in, it starts in February. It's in Wheatland.
Wheatland, California? Wheatland, California. You're doing the casino or something? Oh, the hard rock.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You've done that, didn't you?

Speaker 1 San Francisco, and then we're going all the way through the west, down the west coast. So watch out, ladies.

Speaker 1 It might be. I am looking to fuck.
Yeah. There you are.

Speaker 1 What's your favorite Indiana Jones movie? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 The first one. Everyone's is the first one.
Why do you keep asking that like this one? Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 You're going to do the one where he's got an Asian sidekick? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Holy smoked, Dr. Jones.
Holy Smock. That one's fun.
Yeah, it's a fun one. It's fun, but the first one is the best.
Okay, can I tell you about the second? Because I re-watched all of them yesterday.

Speaker 1 Okay, oh, wow. In a row.
Had a pretty i found the time it sounds like i found the time honestly how many emails how many emails did you ignore from the people

Speaker 1 yeah i don't i don't read them but let me say something about i'm mad at two i'm mad at the temple of dune i'll tell you why why sorry i have baklava um

Speaker 1 because when i was a kid yeah i saw that movie okay

Speaker 1 and then they're at they're in some indian palace yeah the food comes out and in my mind i think that that's indian food

Speaker 1 right right they bring out a gigantic bow constrictor and then they open it and there's 50 000 other snakes in it now they still do have that dish

Speaker 1 it's not there's another one where it's a tray full of beetles yeah the beetle and they eat the underbelly of the beetle i don't remember this and then monkey brains monkey brains my favorite part

Speaker 1 and i remember as a kid i'm like oh i i don't like indian food i don't want to eat dr johnsy brain

Speaker 1 i forgot i've read monkey brains i don't remember how zoom into that photo no go back to the monkey brain zoom in yeah The original photo you were just at. Not that one.
Go back to the first one.

Speaker 1 Now, zoom in. You see that guy right there? Oh, yeah.
That's a white guy that they just got all dressed up.

Speaker 1 So funny.

Speaker 1 And that's Steven Spielberg's wife. That is.
Yeah. It is his wife.
Do you think that's how she got it? I think she auditioned. She went through the process.

Speaker 1 Top.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. It was an off-her owner.
I bet she read three or four times.

Speaker 1 They got married after. Really? And remember that guy eating the monkey brains right there? Yeah, look,

Speaker 1 Eric Griffin made it into the film somehow. Yeah, yeah, there he is.
Wow. Eric's in it.
He looks good.

Speaker 1 How clearly is that jello? Go back. Look, look, they didn't even try.
Sometimes you see special effects and stuff like that in the movies today, and they're like, it looks too cheap.

Speaker 1 Go back to the original. I like it, though.
Look, that's jell-o. That's just jell-o.
Yeah, yeah, that's just. They could have tried a little bit.
It's nice and red. I like it.

Speaker 1 Because the thing is, it's in the uncanny. Like, they want it to be physical.
It's clearly not an actual monkey brain.

Speaker 1 They respect you enough to do that, but they'll be like, it's a rendering of a monkey brain. Especially

Speaker 1 these are like homages to old adventure movies when they didn't have that stuff. And you could be very racist.
Like, it almost feels like they had to be extra racist to be like, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Go ahead, Robert. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to school you guys. School me, kiddo.
Can I school you for a second? Please. That's frozen monkey brand.
Oh.

Speaker 1 That's why it's that color, dude. Sorry about that, dude.
Yeah, yeah. Things get brighter when they're frozen.
I don't know, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't know, dude. You're moving

Speaker 1 light right now.

Speaker 1 You need to slow down. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Way too fast. I'm just going to correct you guys.
It's not just regular Monkey Race. You're right.
It's been frozen. That was two, and the third one is when...
The Last Crusade. Oh, with Sean Connery.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that one's pretty. I think that's the best one.
That's the best one. It's not the best one.
Number one is the best one. Number one is the best one.
But

Speaker 1 both two and three have their fun little charms, though. Totally.
Sean Connery and then the beginning part with

Speaker 1 River Phoenix. River Phoenix.
Yeah. That's fucking fun.
Yeah. But in the temple, my dog.
He also runs into Hitler.

Speaker 1 Runs into Hitler. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Him and and Sean Connery fuck the same Nazi, which is funny. Yeah, that's good.
Yeah, dude, you remember? Eskimo brothers with the same Nazi. God, you're good.
Yeah, which is a fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a fun plot point in a wholesome.

Speaker 1 She was so hot, by the way. She wasn't nice.
The Nazi was hot. Oh, she was hot.
Yeah, yeah. Such a hot Nazi, dude.
And she had to read a bunch of times. She had to read a bunch of times.

Speaker 1 No, no, she's got the role offered for sure. No, I saw the documentary earlier, but she got the role.
She got the role offered. Oh, they asked me.

Speaker 1 This is like, let's lose every young person tuning in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 By in detail discussing Indian Johnson.

Speaker 1 You know, she kind of looks right

Speaker 1 there? She kind of looks like Einhorn as Finkelfinkel as Einhorn. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 She does. Who is that actress that played

Speaker 1 in Ace Ventura? Who played that?

Speaker 1 Sean Young? What was her name? What was that Sean Young? Sean Young. Is that what her name? Yes, yes, yes.
Yeah, she kind of has that same name. You're right.
The bone structure. Yes.

Speaker 1 Because honestly, this was so ahead of its time. An androgynous.

Speaker 1 She played a girl so well that could have been a guy that we didn't even question it when they said it was a guy.

Speaker 1 I have a different read on that. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Give me a read, but Savros? Well, first of all, I'll say I was so fucking dumb as a kid that I was like, I didn't realize, because the whole idea was they put her dick in her ass. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She was tucking her dick.

Speaker 1 So as a kid, I thought she shit herself. I thought that was the big reveal.

Speaker 1 She had shit. And they're like, ah, she's gross now.

Speaker 1 She's a dirty war that shits herself.

Speaker 1 But I also will say, I think it's a complete, like, I don't think she played it as a dude. I think she was just a hot, aggressive woman.

Speaker 1 She had masculine qualities that they did tip off in the movie a few times. And by the way, I know why you thought that was poop and not a penis.

Speaker 1 Because Mama Halkias was just feeding you that baklava being like, don't worry, baby. Don't worry.
You're probably right.

Speaker 1 I was stuck with my dad, and he didn't want to explain. Totally.
He didn't want to explain. He was like, she shit herself.
Right.

Speaker 1 You didn't have a jilted childhood where my dad was like, that's a dick.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking dick. But I just think

Speaker 1 the fact that they played her masculine actually. Because

Speaker 1 if a trans girl looked that good, she wouldn't be masculine. They do.
But what I'm saying is they wouldn't be more feminine. Dude, get on the internet.
It's insane. No, no, they do.
They do.

Speaker 1 But I'm just saying, but I'm saying their mannerisms are not aggressive. They like to be girly.
Do you masturbate? Yes. Do you masturbate the trans?

Speaker 1 Have you?

Speaker 1 You look so concerned. No, I'm just wondering if if you've taken it for a spin a couple times.
Where are you not? You're not a fan of the party? You don't want to show up?

Speaker 1 You know, because of Jim.

Speaker 1 Because of Jim Norton. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 To his wife. No, no, no.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I went camping with him. Right.
Right. So, you know, when you're in a tent with Jim Norton, things are going to be said.
Right. About, you know, a variety of topics.
Got it.

Speaker 1 I'm in a tent with Jim Norton. Yeah, and he told me who, you know, who's, you know, the ones to watch out there.
Oh. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then I, i you know i like to pour different things and i watched he gave and i took it okay yeah and i felt bad about it but i feel bad

Speaker 1 you can tell bobby's uncomfortable because he's just doing that voice for no reason yeah

Speaker 1 that's distant thing himself from the fact that he jagged off the transport yeah he's doing it in a goofy voice yeah yeah yeah i've thought so you you have then yeah me too sure yeah good how about you give him a whirl i've been free i've been what does that mean i've seen it all yeah there's nothing i haven't seen on the the internet.

Speaker 1 I feel like I've literally seen everything. I've seen it all too, but have you played with your penis by watching it?

Speaker 1 No, dude, I'm usually on there for research, just to really

Speaker 1 intake information. I'm really looking at it from a cinematic point of view.
Right, right. By the way,

Speaker 1 I will say there is some new age shit that's out there. The cinematography is incredible.
Not bad. Some of these are so high-end.
They're doing such a good job now. It's like full production.

Speaker 1 Storylines are great and they're twisty.

Speaker 1 There's like lens flares. It's really.

Speaker 1 Oh, like J.J. Abrams is directing it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He loves those lens flares.

Speaker 1 You know what I re-watched on the plane? I re-watched

Speaker 1 X, Maxine, the first, you know, the X one? I haven't seen it. Dude, it's fantastic.
It's so fun. It's fun.
It's fun because there's nothing else like that out there.

Speaker 1 You don't see anything like that anymore. Yeah, maybe it'll kick it.
It's like a sexy horror, like a really bad one of the three. But it's campy.
It's like the first one. Yeah.
X, yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's super campy, which is like it, it tips it. Dude, it's telling you it knows it's corny.
Yeah, yeah. So it's funny.
I would love to do

Speaker 1 a horror movie. She's fucking beautiful.
With you guys. I would love to do a camping horror.

Speaker 1 A comedy camping horror movie. No, it can't be.
Camping. Can't be a movie.

Speaker 1 You mustn't get back in that tent talking about transportation. No shit.

Speaker 1 I'd love to.

Speaker 1 Whatever gets us in the tent with Jim Newton. Yeah, yeah.
Do a comedy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But why can't we make one? We can. We can't right now, dude.
Yeah, we can make one. Let me tell you something.
We have to write it.

Speaker 1 And when I say we have to write it, it means we can't watch all three Indiana Jones that night.

Speaker 1 We have to write the movie. I can write it right now.
Okay. Do it.
Go.

Speaker 1 What do you think it is? We're brothers. We're all thirds or adopted.
Adopted brothers. Yeah, we're all adopted brothers.
Clearly. By the way, we had to lead that horse to water.

Speaker 1 You see, he wasn't going to go there.

Speaker 1 What do you got? I'm the one that brought the brothers thing. But you stuck with brothers.
I know. Yeah, and so then, you know, back in the 70s, right? Well, how about this? Same mom, different dads.

Speaker 1 I'm into that. That's fine.

Speaker 1 Our mom was just a party animal that was like sleeping with all sorts of guys. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's fine. Well, maybe, like, I was told I wasn't adopted, but you guys know that I was.
So that's a theme. We couldn't be brothers either.
Him and I look literally fucking nothing alike. Exactly.

Speaker 1 Different dads, we could. No, I don't think so.
My dog. We definitely could.

Speaker 1 Stop.

Speaker 1 Stop. We definitely did.
We have literally zero gene crossover.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Look, I think if you start at a base white woman,

Speaker 1 and she fucks the most ginger ginger of all time, we could get you. And then just fucks you.
She fucks John, John Goodman in the 80s. Yeah.

Speaker 1 To get him. And has him, right? And then Pat Merita.
Pat Marita. too.
You go to Pat Marina. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay, here we go.
The camp, we go back to the camp where she conceived us.

Speaker 1 She was the camp clam piece. Everybody fucked our mom, and we

Speaker 1 go looking for our dad. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a tree, too, with all the names that our mom fucks. Right.

Speaker 1 That's engraved in the tree. We have to hunt them all the time.

Speaker 1 It's a lot of names. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like 38 guys for one summer.

Speaker 1 Think about this for a movie, for movie-wise, dude. We could get like nine films out of this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We could continue to make this movie. So who were we hunting that? What do you mean? We're avenging our mother's death.
We're trying to find who killed our mom. Maybe she's it.

Speaker 1 It was one of the guys that she slept with that killed her. Oh, right.
And we're avenging her death.

Speaker 1 Maybe it was.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It's a party at the beginning, but then it's like, we got to get down to business, dude. Yeah, yeah.
Like, we have to get real. We hunt down our mother's killer.

Speaker 1 But then there's one name on the tree that's written like there's blood in it.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? It just says Frank. Right.

Speaker 1 It was the demon that killed her. What? We bite off more than we can chew.
That's right. Now we're fighting.

Speaker 1 We kill off all, we kill our biological parties.

Speaker 1 We kill everyone on the team. It's easy.
And then last name is

Speaker 1 Frank Blood One.

Speaker 1 Maybe this is the, you know, yeah. You like this.
Yeah, you like it. So now we're fighting the underworlds.
Right. Exactly.
We're badass the first like half hour of the movie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then we find the last. How about this? It goes back to we just kill everyone our mom fucked.
We don't like, we don't like living in a world where a guy fucked

Speaker 1 our mom our mom. Right.
But there's got got to be a big... Because we couldn't stop hearing about it.
The beginning of the movie is just us as kids hearing about it the whole time.

Speaker 1 Everyone coming up to us being like,

Speaker 1 Bigfoot has to be in it. Bigfoot has to be in it.
My mom could fuck Bigfoot. One of the things we

Speaker 1 maybe that's Frank. I don't know.
Frank, Bigfoot, Frank? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Bigfoot Frank?

Speaker 1 Or he could be a vampire. But how about, you know what you've never seen? What's that? A combo.

Speaker 1 That's so good. In fact, dude, let me just throw this out.
Bigfoot the vampire?

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Speaker 1 I like Big Fox. Dude, he's hairy, but he wears a fucking black cloak.
Right. You're like, you know, one of those black caves, but he's super hairy.
How about this?

Speaker 1 The idea is still the same, though. Yeah.
Because vampires aren't really seen that often. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bigfoot's never seen that often. So he moves as seamlessly as Bigfoot does.
Okay, well, go ahead, Bobby. Yeah, Bigfoot.

Speaker 1 You know, when I have an idea, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I gotta toss it up, right?

Speaker 1 So later in the movie Reveal, we meet the guy, right? Frank, the vampire, right? The Big Foot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, think of Frank, or is that just a freaking name for him? No, we can figure it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that could be open to Lessandrio. Lusandrio.
That's good.

Speaker 1 We'll go with that. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 The Manhattan killer. Oh, Luigi.
What's his name? Mangione. Mangione.
Luigi. Yeah, yeah.
We'll just call him Mangioni. Mangione.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 And later reveals, we see his penis, and it's been stitched on there. So he's got a Franken dick, too.
Oh, wow. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 What do you think? He's got, like, stitch. Yeah.
What are we gaining from that? It's like Shaquille O'Neill's dick. Like, it's a black dick.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, yeah.
They were

Speaker 1 incorporated.

Speaker 1 Go back to your sexual sexual desires.

Speaker 1 Let's get back in.

Speaker 1 Back to the Bigfoot. Let's get back into the Bigfoot.
Back to the Bigfoot.

Speaker 1 You took us to the tent with the black cock. Let's get back to the movie.
Dude, I can incorporate another movie into it, guy.

Speaker 1 Shazam.

Speaker 1 Another black guy, I get it. Black dick, I get it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're back to the movie.

Speaker 1 We're going to Shuquilla Neil Neil in a movie called Shazam. That character.
I know there's no bad ideas in Brainstorm.

Speaker 1 I know that. I'm just saying, maybe let's reel us back in.
I think we were. All right, right.
We'll take out the franken dick. It's getting a little too mystical.
We'll get one optical thing with it.

Speaker 1 Well, we combine the test findings. That's enough.
We can't take it out. Art already built the dick.
We already have him building it, right? Oh, we do? Yeah, they're working on it.

Speaker 1 All right, we'll keep it in there. All right, it's in.
And, you know, for the airplanes, we'll just cut that scene out. That's too expensive.
Too expensive. Okay, okay.
Anyway, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Got it.

Speaker 1 Oh, you want to do the voice of Bigfoot too? Yeah, maybe. I thought we'd hire somebody, but I didn't.

Speaker 1 Wait,

Speaker 1 what if you play the Bigfoot 2

Speaker 1 in the makeup and shit? What if we find out, okay, here's how we get three different mystical things in it. We find out who our dads were, are three monsters that fucked up.
Oh.

Speaker 1 So we kill all these regular guys,

Speaker 1 and that doesn't solve anything.

Speaker 1 And then we find out your dad was a Bigfoot, and it's you and like a bunch of makeup.

Speaker 1 Where the fuck is my dad Bigfoot boy? You know who you are. Why am I Bigfoot boy? No, no, no.
It should be a dwarf. Bobby.
Yeah, I know. I thought that's good.
You're Littlefoot.

Speaker 1 Oh, Littlefoot.

Speaker 1 I think mine's better for you. I don't know why you're not at me.

Speaker 1 I'm thinking you're right. I think you're strong.
Oh, you're right. You're right.
You're right.

Speaker 1 I'm not even a little foot, dude. If your father's Bigfoot, you're Littlefoot.
Oh, you'd be the Dickless Elf.

Speaker 1 That's what's there. Hey, yeah, yeah.
I'm like, you're a strong arm. Yeah, you're right, you're right.
Bigfoot, thank you. That's my dad.
Well, who is your dad?

Speaker 1 I know. Go ahead.
Your dad was an oombalumba. Okay, what does this say? Bobby.
You've turned on me. Yeah, you were on his team.
I know what. Oh, I remember this movie, Little Bigfoot.

Speaker 1 It was a great movie.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's our movie. Let's just remake that movie.

Speaker 1 Describe the whole thing. Scrap the whole thing, dude.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I got it.
My dad will be Loch Ness, the Loch Ness monster. Oh, so we're incorporating.

Speaker 1 Wow. That's sick.
I see. But that's very a redhead out the street.
That's pretty cool, dude.

Speaker 1 I apologize about the fucking Oompa Loompa, dude. That was my package.
Well, because I'm going to come up with someone better then. Okay, I will.
Who's his dad? What? Who's his dad?

Speaker 1 What is this, guys? Oh, the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man. All right, very good.

Speaker 1 Dude, dude, that's the State Puff marshmallow man from Ghostbusters.

Speaker 1 I think it would be... Okay, then it's a good suggestion.
I don't know if we got the right death, dude. Timeout.
Yeah. So now we're the Ghostbusters.

Speaker 1 Greek mythical. There we go.
Let's go mythic. Ooh, you know what? Greek mythical creature.
Danny DeVito from Hercules, a pan.

Speaker 1 Half goats, half... That's 100%.
Yeah, yeah. Look up Phil from Hercules.

Speaker 1 He just said, look up Phil from Hercules. He talked about Danny DeVito.

Speaker 1 That is,

Speaker 1 I mean, that's the

Speaker 1 whole thing. That's my dad.
What is that? A Tasmanian devil? What is that? It's a pig. I think it's called a pan.
A pan, okay. And they were horny, too.
They were half goat, half man-horny.

Speaker 1 That's actually so right, it's fucked up. Let's end the movie.
Let's finish the movie. Okay, so, like, all right, so

Speaker 1 we'll figure out who our dads are. Yeah.
We run into the fucking vlod that's a squad with the Franken dick. Okay, you're back there.
And his mouth.

Speaker 1 I thought we were ball with the black Frank and

Speaker 1 Mangiani. Listen, listen.
Yeah. If you're quiet, you can hear the zippers

Speaker 1 opening up the tent.

Speaker 1 I can hear.

Speaker 1 So I also just love that Jim is doing like grassroots, like

Speaker 1 pro-trans or jack-off organizing. Yeah.
Just trying to get one friend at a time. He's like, he's walking you through who you are.
No, I asked. I asked.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He didn't, you know, I go, who's out there?

Speaker 1 Don't take it so serious, man. He's just setting it up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't have to get so defensive. No, because I don't want Jim to hear it.
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I go, whoa, dude.
First of all, Jim knows we love and respect him. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And that's what I'm saying. No, I apologize, Star Rose.
And Jim's not listening. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 You're being very clear. Yeah, no chance.
Yeah. That's my bad.
So, okay. How does the movie end, Bob? So we have we killed our mythical dads?

Speaker 1 Can't be that easy. Or do we become them? We become them is more.
How about we kill them and we think we've done that and then we become them. Oh,

Speaker 1 we got it. And then we fucking we start the prophecy all over and then we go fuck some whore and then it starts all over again together.

Speaker 1 It's not going to be like a multiverse thing because all of them have it. We've got to put it in there.
Okay, so how do we get it? Multiverse is hacked now, dude. It's over.
It's out. It's done.

Speaker 1 Really? Because if we go to another thing and then Sash Crouch, like it could be like Emmanuel Lewis's

Speaker 1 penis.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 you're right. I'm zipper.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Too much tent. I got to get out of the tent.
You're right. You're right.
You're right. Okay.

Speaker 1 You know, we'll figure that out later. Okay.
Did you find him attractive? You were a boy. He went.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? We'll figure it out. We'll figure it out.
When you watched that show, did you find him hot? Who? Emmanuel Lewis. No, but he used to.

Speaker 1 I remember I told you he used to call me randomly at like 2-3 in the morning. Hey, Bob, I'm in town from Atlanta.
And you never would hang out. And I never would hang out with him.
So sad. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was trying to borrow some clothes.

Speaker 1 I forgot my sweaters. Do you have something I can wear, Bob?

Speaker 1 Maybe, maybe that was it. Let me borrow a jacket.
Yeah. It's cold in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 I never hung out with him because I don't.

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's just.
You don't hang out. Yeah, I don't hang out.
You don't hang out. Yeah, yeah, I don't hang out yet.
You're going to hang out. It's going to be with me at most.

Speaker 1 Otherwise, you don't hang out. Or a girl.

Speaker 1 Do we have stars like that anymore, though? I mean, we had the Vern Troyers and the Gary Coleman. There's no little.

Speaker 1 But he's not really a little. He's like a, you know, here's a Peter Dinklich is a spokesman.
That's right, that's true. That's right.
You just threw it out there, Mike. He's the one.
He's the one.

Speaker 1 Warwick Davis is still doing his thing. Vern Troyer, rest in peace.
Tony Cox, rest in peace. What about that little guy who was R2D2?

Speaker 1 He's definitely dead. Yeah, yeah.
What's that guy's name again? I can't remember his name. He was a famous actor.

Speaker 1 No, he wasn't famous. No, he was.
He actually was. Kenny Baker.
Kenny Baker. That's right.
No, he was famous. There's Kenny Baker.
I don't know. Dude, imagine being in that metal fucking suit.

Speaker 1 You probably loved it. All day long.
Probably loved it.

Speaker 1 Probably loved it. They haven't approached you to get...
Aren't you? Brutal. I'm not even joking.
Yeah. Haven't they?

Speaker 1 Dude, I would assume they would ask you to be in the extended Star Wars universe with some kind of little guy.

Speaker 1 For real, you'd be awesome at it.

Speaker 1 Not in the fucking. Let me hear you do some R2D2 beep bop boop.
Let me see.

Speaker 1 No, they're not going to catch me.

Speaker 1 I got to drink some water. Please.

Speaker 1 For real, I think, like, in the Mandalorian or in the fucking.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I swear to God,

Speaker 1 I auditioned for that last one.

Speaker 1 You know, the lady with the hair head thing? Oh, yes, yes, yes. Right?

Speaker 1 In the Mandalorian? No, it was the lady with the head thing. The last one.
Yeah. And

Speaker 1 Lupita Niango did the voice. Exactly.
Yeah. And I auditioned for like a nine-armed alien.

Speaker 1 And I didn't even come close. Yeah, that sucks.
I didn't even come close. They should have picked up.
What do you think it was?

Speaker 1 You know who you'd be great as?

Speaker 1 What are you implying? No, I'm just saying. What do you think it was? What the fuck are you implying? What do you think the reason you didn't even come close was? I didn't read good.

Speaker 1 They didn't see me as the part, bro. What are you fucking implying, dog? Well, nine arms is hard to fit on your little body.

Speaker 1 I mean, they get maybe six. Well, I mean, they could be small arms.
They got to be real small. I mean, those two barely fit on that frame.

Speaker 1 Stop it. It's good.
Stop it, but it's like nine. I think you're right.
Also, nine. How do they

Speaker 1 get the arms? Why they have a FGI?

Speaker 1 Where's the fucking missile? Where's the missided arms? There's probably just a voice thing, right? No, it was an actual

Speaker 1 practical practical costume. Practical costume.
Yeah, yeah. Damn, you would have been awesome.
Like a body hunter. Like a

Speaker 1 bounty hunter. That pisses me off.
Who got it? Let's fucking find him and fuck him up. I never get those things.
He's probably such an accredited actor. We're like,

Speaker 1 I get it. I mean, do you read for? Have you ever read for a Marvel or a Star Wars? Buddy.
What are they going to do with me? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I have, and I never get them.

Speaker 1 If I could have gotten anything, it would have been whatever Burr did in The Mandalorian. That's true.
If Burr was busy. Yeah, they were like, let's go get fucking Santino.

Speaker 1 Did you do it in the impression you do? They're like, you want me to be him? They're like, well, you know what? We do. Come to think of it.
You look like BB-2. What's the new little robot? BB-8.
BB-8.

Speaker 1 All right, well, you could be fucking Babu Frick. How about that?

Speaker 1 There you are, dude. BB-8.
BB-8. Now let's pull up Babu Frick.

Speaker 1 And let's see who Bob is.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 That is me, Diffus. That is me.
All right. You win this.
It's so obvious. Literally, dude, you win this, dude.
That is me. Bro, you know how? He was cute.

Speaker 1 What did he say? How was he talking?

Speaker 1 He didn't really speak, did he? He was fucking. He was so cute, that guy.
Well, I can't understand you most of the time, so that lines up. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 He really acts for real feel kind of like Babu Frick. Yeah, I'm Babu Frick, dude.
Babu Frick. What a cute one.
Whoever made that, dude.

Speaker 1 That's such a good-looking character. It's a good character.
I have never, I don't even know what happens in the new Star Wars. I've seen them all just so out of my mind.
I'm acid or mushroom. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Never sober.
Never sober. Just go in.
I haven't seen any of the the new ones. I'm not, I'm just not there.

Speaker 1 I don't think they're good, but to me, they are my favorite ones because I was so fucked up. Like, I mean, I've told this story before.
I don't want to say it too much, but

Speaker 1 people thought I was like special needs when I saw the Babu Frick one because it was like Christmas and I was on. I was so fucked up.
I was with my brother, my best friend.

Speaker 1 And every time he would come on the screen, I would be like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But I've told that story a hundred times, but I literally like, and so for me, I have no, like, the old ones I saw when I was a little kid, yeah, so I don't remember them.

Speaker 1 And you didn't rewatch them as an adult? Not really. That's worth it.

Speaker 1 The prequels, I like the last one. Can I ask you some trivia? Yeah, sure.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to get it right because I've seen it. Would you like to play some Star Wars trivia or no? Shoot for the hip.
Okay. Go, baby.

Speaker 1 So, when you were in college and Star Wars came out, how did that feel?

Speaker 1 So funny to think he went to college.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 That's good. I'm sorry.
You were born. Luke Skywalker's uncle.
What was his name?

Speaker 1 He got burnt to a crisp. Remember? You guys know? Oh, I got to know.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Uncle Owen. Uncle Owen, I did know.
Are you being real? Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, bad character name. Owen.
Owen is just kind of like a weak name.

Speaker 1 There's no depth to it for that.

Speaker 1 Wasn't he Ben Kenobi's brother, though? No. I think there was a relationship between Owen and Ben Kenobi that's family.
What? That they were related? I think so.

Speaker 1 What is it?

Speaker 1 Owen Lars is Anakin Skywalker's stepbrother, perceived as the brother of Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Oh, so there is some family thing that

Speaker 1 those little

Speaker 1 guys in Star Wars with the they're wearing monk hoods

Speaker 1 with glowing gold eyes. What are they called? The sand people.
No, the sand people were the Iranians or whatever that was. Oh, careful.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't know.

Speaker 1 They are called sand people, and that is kind of.

Speaker 1 Kenobi is kind of weird about it. Because they have an actual name, but he calls them sand people.
But that's not who who I'm talking about. Was it my uncle who was in this movie?

Speaker 1 They're called Jawas.

Speaker 1 Jawaz. But he calls them sand people.

Speaker 1 Sand people are the ones that try to kill Luke, right? They're two different things. You're not going to get away with this guy, dude.
Yeah, yeah. They're not.
No, they're not the same thing.

Speaker 1 Look up a sand people in Star Wars. Look it up.
Give me the picture. And wait a minute.
Look up sand people on Carlos' computer. I'm afraid it will have to come back up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a sand people.
That's a sand people. Yeah, Jawas are different than that.
Yeah, Jawas are different. And can we say person of sand instead of sand people?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you're right. I'd prefer it.
I'll take all respect. I take it back.
Okay,

Speaker 1 Can we continue? You haven't answered anything. I don't want to.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you're going to. I let you go.
No, no, no. Well, first of all, you asked him for the question.
I'm going to ask you now. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What planet

Speaker 1 does Yoda live on?

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 God, my memory's so fucking bad. You don't know.
I do know. I don't know either.
No, no, I do. He starts it with a D.
Dagobah. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 That's right, bud. I do know.
Last question. Yeah.
It was originally colonized by Italians.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. That's true.
By space Italians. Yeah.
So last question. You got these fucking space guys coming over here.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, I ain't going to. Empire Strikes Back.
What's the snowy planet? Hoth. That's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So you really have never seen any of them.
No, I have. What are you talking about? I played the games.
I played the

Speaker 1 killer bunch of games. The one is the Battlefront.
You ever play that? I didn't play that because that one's more.

Speaker 1 What's the one where you get to be kind of a... You just get to run the open world.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I played those Jedi ones where you had to be your own Jedi.
The stunner one. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I haven't played those. But Battlefront was fun.
You know how Battlefront's played? No, I don't play. I don't play.

Speaker 1 How is Battlefront? How is it played?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 so you just play as like... It's like stormtroopers

Speaker 1 versus the rebels, right? And there's like, and you're playing everyone online and you're a stormtrooper, right? And it's like, just chaos. Yeah.
Right? I mean, you're like killing rebels, right?

Speaker 1 And if you kill enough in a row, you get to choose to be, you know what I mean, Luke Skywalker.

Speaker 1 Like, if you get enough kills, and then for like a minute, you have a lightsaber and you can just fuck people up. It's such a fun game.
That is kind of fun. Yeah, yeah.
Let's move on from Star Wars.

Speaker 1 I feel like you're boring. I feel like I'm a 24-year-old that matches Bobby Tinder.

Speaker 1 You never saw Phantom Menace than the new ones with the J.J. Abrams ones.
None of the new ones, no. Wow, you've seen them.
Yeah. Yeah, because of the little guy.
Yeah, yeah. Only when I was a kid.

Speaker 1 I only saw the ones when we were young. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. And when I was in high school, I liked them.
You're not a sci-fi guy, though. Not a sci-fi guy.
Yeah, yeah. You're a sci-fi, right? I like sci-fi.
Yeah, I know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're similar. I'm open to sci-fi.
Sci-fi has to be, for me, like...

Speaker 1 No, I like fantasy more than sci-fi. I like fantasy.
You like a horse. You like an elf.
I like fantasy over sci-fi. No,

Speaker 1 I like whimsical shit. I think like out of the out-of-world stuff that's like weirdo shit.
Lord of the Rings over Star Wars kind of shit.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say that it's better than Star Wars. Star Wars is just so good because when we were kids, it was so different.
Yeah, yeah. And it was the only thing that was in fucking space.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess I'm not.

Speaker 1 I guess what I'm thinking of is like a couple, like a few bangers like Total Recall. Okay, I was moving.
Okay, right, right, right. I was more to like.
Blade Runner. Comedy whimsy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like coneheads.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, interesting. Like comedy whimsy, like

Speaker 1 impractical comedy. I love that shit.
High, high-concept, like crazy comedy shit. Yeah, shit, that's obviously not real.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love that. I mean, like,

Speaker 1 Princess Bride might be one of the best written comedy films of all time. Front to back.
That's a great movie. And the whimsy in that movie is

Speaker 1 fucking incredible. I've never seen it in a while.
Yeah. It's so great.
That's a great movie. Were you a never-ending story guy? Yes, I love it.
You fucking loved Atreyu? Never-ending story.

Speaker 1 By the way, you know who followed me on Instagram the other day? Speaking of fucking... The dog from that movie?

Speaker 1 Atreyu? Atreyu or the dog? First of all, first of all, Atreyu's name. This dog is not the name.
What about the big turtle? Do you know the name of the big dog? No, it's.

Speaker 1 Okay, give me the first.

Speaker 1 F. He just said it.
No, he didn't. Did you say it? Shut up.
Yeah, yeah. F.

Speaker 1 There's the turtle. You know what? I might re-watch Never End of the New York.
Falcor. Falcor.
Yeah. Right, Dog.
What's the turtle's name?

Speaker 1 Morla the Angel. Morla.
Wow. Morla.
What a great look. Oh, wait, yeah.
Oh, you know who follow me on Instagram?

Speaker 1 Mandy fucking Patinkin. Wow, that's huge.
Who's that? You don't know who fucking Mandy Patinkin is? You're a cinephile.

Speaker 1 Oh, Mandy Patinkin. He is Inigo Montoya.
He is the six-fingered.

Speaker 1 He is going after.

Speaker 1 By the way, you know who he's going after in the movie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who is he going to kill the six-fingering? Is he on homeland? He is on homeland. Okay, that's how I know.
So, Mandy Patinkin played Inigo Montoya. Who goes after who in the film?

Speaker 1 What famous director do we know that you and I have both worked for played the six-fingered man? Bring up a picture of the six-fingered man from Princess Bride.

Speaker 1 This is incredible. You've worked for this man.
Who is that guy? Yeah, I know. It's Christopher Guest, but I never worked for him.
Wait, I thought you did. You know what?

Speaker 1 That's another way of you slamming my career.

Speaker 1 And it's so fucked up that you do that. So now you're going to, you know, I'm going to go, I never worked for him.
That you're going to go, oh, yeah, my bad. And then now I'm hurt.

Speaker 1 How did you work for him? I'll give you six degrees. How did you work for him? I'll give you six degrees of Kevin Bagan.
You worked with his wife in a major motion picture. That's true.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's enough. Well, how did you work for him? I forgot you didn't work with him.

Speaker 1 How did you work for him? On a comedy project that we were just yeah, he would never call me in. No, he told me he was going to call you in.

Speaker 1 Couldn't get a hold of you. Why are you getting so defensive? I'm not being defensive.
He's saying

Speaker 1 he has a way of going sideways. I thought you did something with him.
I never did anything with him. What about the movie he did with the little people with all everyone in the costume?

Speaker 1 You didn't do that? No, I didn't do the little people. Willow? What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. What was the one where everybody was a mascot? I don't remember that.
Yeah, I auditioned for it. I thought you did it.
No, I never did it. I auditioned for it.

Speaker 1 I apologize, but was I you at least auditioned? Yeah, so I have not worked for him. I did a show for him called Family Tree.
I did one throwaway episode. That's great.
It was fantastic.

Speaker 1 Congratulations, Andrew. Thank you so much.
That's good. God damn it.

Speaker 1 It makes you feel good. No one's heard of that fucking show.
That's exactly right. That's true.
Isn't it better to have not worked for him and maybe?

Speaker 1 Someone got some buzz on the cult movie. What's that? Someone got some buzz on the cult movie.
Why is this turning adversarial right now? It's not the adversarial. Congratulations, Tom, bro.

Speaker 1 It seems like somebody, a demon possessed here.

Speaker 1 Like a benevolent. What a joy that you're working.
I am happy for you. I like how you pretend like you've never seen this show.

Speaker 1 This is exactly what he does. That is true.
Can't wait. But we were all hopping along.
We're talking about fucking Star Wars. Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 He's been one perceived slight, and Bobby has shut down. He doesn't.

Speaker 1 Now he's acting. No, I'm kidding.
I know you're fighting. Very good job.
I need you around more.

Speaker 1 How about this?

Speaker 1 This will get him in a good mood. Yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, Frank King.
We've been talking about Blackcock for two years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Get Bobby back in a good mood. Frank and Franken.

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Oh, my God. That's the National Football League.

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Speaker 1 By the way, I saw a clip on the internet of a guy finishing a marathon, and his cock was ginormous, and everyone is stitching it on the internet. Like, is no one going to say anything?

Speaker 1 He like finished first, and his bulge was comical. Let me look, let me look.
Oh, my God. I know, bulge.
Let's look at a guy big dick marathon.

Speaker 1 Coming marathon gay porn video. I know.
And by the way, save it for later.

Speaker 1 Fucking, you know. The tent is a rhetorical device.
We don't actually want to pull up pornography.

Speaker 1 Get back to reality.

Speaker 1 The movie is getting a lot of talk, by the way. Anyways, man.
Everyone is in them streets talking. It is fun.
I mean, it's crazy. I am shocked that I got to fucking make a movie.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it's fun. Go rent it.
Buy it. Buy it.

Speaker 1 Rent it on Amazon, Apple, wherever wherever the fuck you buy movies now how did this is it something that you had pitched or is it something you just got cast in no i wrote it oh you did i wrote it with my friends and we did a short movie or we did a short of it and a production company are like wanted to make it wow uh dark sky films and uh queensbury pictures and they were just like

Speaker 1 i'm kind of it's kind of fucking wild it's amazing like it's just we just made a movie amazing and it's fun it's stupid as shit and it was like i really do want to make i mean we're joking about

Speaker 1 you know, the movie about our

Speaker 1 mythical fathers. Like, we are.
It was fun as shit because, like, I really think comedy movies should just be this, where it's like, friends get together, have an idea. We all carve out.

Speaker 1 We write it over however long. We carve out a month.
And we shoot it on a modest budget because we know we can actually be funny. Like, we don't keep it super, you know, we keep it reasonable.

Speaker 1 And then, like, I mean, what the fuck have we done?

Speaker 1 Like, by getting rejected from the industry for years, we all had to build our own like fan bases yes look at this and i think that's what i found it was just a test of the waters to see if it was like fun but i really want to make more movies with my friends and just even if even if like they don't have to be fucking huge releases or anything just to make stuff for the fans that

Speaker 1 people that come out to see us do stand-up who listen to our podcast They fucking like comedy movies too. It's just nobody's fucking making them.
No one's making them. You just inspired me.

Speaker 1 I think we're going to do it. Let's do it.
I'm being real. Let's do it.
Let's fucking do it. Yeah, yeah.
You know what we got to do, though? Right. I will write.
We have to do it.

Speaker 1 We're going to do it. You'll do it? Yeah.
100%, dude. All right.
I want to do it really bad. I swear.
That'd be great, dude. Because, you know, it's inspiring.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like, I think you're right. I think we have...
I mean, because you get approached all the time, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And to read or like, you know what I mean, to look at my script, but it's like. I don't.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? You're trying to do a Christopher Guest thing again? You think I'm doing that? I'm not doing that. I don't get it all the time.
I don't get approached all the time. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't have a deal with NBC NBC in place where I'm developing a show about an Asian. You want one for Hulu?

Speaker 1 I don't have one. You have a Hulu show.
I have a special on Hulu. And a show with me on Hulu.

Speaker 1 Right. You're on that show?

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude. We pitched.
By the way,

Speaker 1 where are these?

Speaker 1 I'm looking for a fat bug or a fat bird or something for this show. By the way, you think you're not going to be on the show when we go? 100%.

Speaker 1 You're your mind. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No read, nothing. Love it.
I don't want to give it away, but dude, there is.

Speaker 1 Trust me. Okay.
Don't worry about it. I'm interested.
We already have the people that we have in in our sightlines of who we want on this show. And Bobby wants a lot of good cameos in the pilot.

Speaker 1 So Bill Cosby said he would do a book. Yeah,

Speaker 1 you guys got way back. Spacey's coming back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Spacey. Yeah.
Yeah, he comes back.

Speaker 1 That would be awesome. Yeah, he plays the principal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You boys have been back. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, it's also cool. I don't know if you guys feel, but it's also cool because it is a ton of people, and it feels fun.
It feels like it's a team instead of like.

Speaker 1 You feel like you're in on something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, instead of stand-up where you're just by yourself, especially a movie where you get to, because I did did get to cast some of my friends in that one, but it's like, that's another thing about the next.

Speaker 1 We never really. Yeah, not got a lot of people.

Speaker 1 We never got a cast. Not even a remote.
Not even a remote. You actually did.

Speaker 1 No, I didn't. Yeah, you did.
Did I? Yeah, yeah, but you couldn't do it. Oh, because I was gone.
Yeah, yeah. That's actually true.
And there was no part for you.

Speaker 1 We couldn't afford you, Bob.

Speaker 1 Were you going to play my dad?

Speaker 1 What did you want to play? Do you want to play the news caster that he didn't play and Tom Papa did? Yeah, Tommy Papa did it.

Speaker 1 You're not in News Caster, let's be honest. Let's see you read the news.
Reese what read?

Speaker 1 Give us, bring up, bring up. You're right.

Speaker 1 You're right. You're right.
Wait, wait, bring up the shooting in Midtown, and let me see him read this. Read this as if it.

Speaker 1 Let me see you read this. Let me see if you can.
I wasn't even buying for the part. What the fuck is going on here, dude? Let's hear it.
I wasn't right. Zoom in.
Yeah. There you go.

Speaker 1 Just the first line. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm Frank Maggioni. No, no, no.
The guy's name is Middle Express. You're fired.

Speaker 1 You're fired. No, I got to pay my name.
Yeah. You need a name.
Yeah, I'm Troy Fugamoto for ABC Channel 7 News.

Speaker 1 Luigi Maggioni, the suspect in the killing of United Healthcare CEO Brian Thompson, is fighting his extradition to New York, where he faces a murder charge.

Speaker 1 He was denied bail during a court appearance in Pennsylvania. I can't believe you can't do that with the ad reads.

Speaker 1 That's remarkable.

Speaker 1 Producers on that one. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It takes us an hour and a half to get it. Yeah, it's a cold reading.
So could I have done it? You could have. If I would have practiced.
You're that talented. You don't have the look, man.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's okay. You know, and we've heard that our whole culture.
And trust me, the next project I have, you don't have the look for any of the work. Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 1 And that's a guarantee. Wait a minute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you really want to come to, first of all, I don't even know if we were friends then.
I shot it last June.

Speaker 1 I think I might have been.

Speaker 1 I don't care. I get how it works.
Yeah, okay. Right? I didn't come to your mind.
It's fine. No, no.

Speaker 1 There's no, it's fine. I have no resentment.

Speaker 1 You don't think I'm asking? I'm just saying. You don't think I I want it? I'm just saying.
When we do our fucking movie, you're not going to be in it.

Speaker 1 Why are you just

Speaker 1 tight standing up?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you always get offers and you say no, so don't complain. I do not.
Yeah, you do every time, dude. That's not true.
I was pumped to have you on tires.

Speaker 1 Yeah, did you do tires? We were in Australia. Oh.

Speaker 1 Oh, tour.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we tour too. We tour.

Speaker 1 Okay, you fuck. There you go.
I would have loved to have you on tires. Yeah, and I'm not doing cult part two or whatever the fuck in the movie.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fuck off.

Speaker 1 I wanted to see you. I was happy.
All right. I was happy when we were.
You can't play a newscaster. I'll fucking show you, dude.

Speaker 1 There is no newscaster in the world except maybe in like Malaysia that looks dog. Yeah.
Connie Chung, bitch. She is so much more static.
You're right. You're right.
You're right. You're right.

Speaker 1 You're right. You're right.

Speaker 1 You're right. You're right.
You're right. You're right.
You're right. You're right.
Yeah. You know, I'll be honest with you, Starboros, in the animated show.

Speaker 1 We're going to get you a lot of work there. Hell yeah, dude.
And whatever projects that we come up with and that I'm involved with,

Speaker 1 I will have you on because I just think you're super talented. I know the street doesn't go both ways.
No, it isn't.

Speaker 1 Keep going. Go ahead.
I know this street.

Speaker 1 Listen. Sometimes streets don't go both ways, right? These two streets do.
Dude, these streets? These are two ways. Two ways.
Two ways.

Speaker 1 And a freeway off-ramp.

Speaker 1 There's a freeway off-ramp. There's the whole thing.
And an on-ramp. Bridge, all that stuff.
Right? This is a one-way dead end street. Right.
But it's fine, dude.

Speaker 1 My mother's cookies.

Speaker 1 You know, I'll be honest with you, I did not like it.

Speaker 1 This is a piece of shit paclava, dude. All right, right.
My Korean grandmother could make better fucking paklava. She fucking bitch.
All right, fuck off. Now you're being fucking cookie.

Speaker 1 Fuck off, dude. Try the other one.
Try the other one. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait,

Speaker 1 go eat another. Where's the piece of cookie? Dude, dude, stop it.

Speaker 1 They're right there. Stop it.
Eat a different cookie.

Speaker 1 Eat the brown one. You're right.
Tell me it's not good. Yeah, yeah.
Eat the brown one and tell me it's not good.

Speaker 1 All right. Eat it on camera.
Please do. What do you think? What's the brownie? What's the brown one's not good? The one that looks like Pooh, you mean? Stop it.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 Can I say something about this exchange right now?

Speaker 1 I just want to put this out to the world so people understand.

Speaker 1 Because we're such close friends. But, Bobby,

Speaker 1 you don't let no Asian comedian talk about no Greek mama's baklava. That's law.

Speaker 1 Okay. That's true.
Don't let no Asian comedian talk about no Greek mama's baklava. That's law.
That is law. You know, where I come from, we talk about Greek mamas papa.
Don't bro. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Just eat the fucking poo. So eat the brown.
Let me describe it first. Okay.

Speaker 1 This is like donkey poo. No, it's not.

Speaker 1 Dude, don't be out of line right now. You guys.
I'm being serious. That's a fucking poo.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're doing right now. That's a fucking olive oil.
This guy's mother.

Speaker 1 This guy's mother is a fucking queen and made this for you. You eat it and you be fucking nice.
You're like freshly with

Speaker 1 crushed wine. No, why the bad guy? You don't talk bad about his mom.
You said my mother's cookies look like donkey shit. That's right.

Speaker 1 I wasn't even done with the description

Speaker 1 with little tiny dried maggots on it. Keep in mind, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep in mind, when the show's over, he can fuck you up.

Speaker 1 I would never. Yeah, I don't think he would.
I would never, but I could. But he could.
But I would. I know you could.
And let's get out. Yeah, you're a man.

Speaker 1 You're a man, dude. Right? You got man strength.

Speaker 1 All right, take a bite. Is this the thing? Yes.
All right.

Speaker 1 Phenomenal. And be real about it.
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Take a sip. Don't have to chew into the mic.

Speaker 1 The fucking people in audio, people in their cars. They're soap.

Speaker 1 Rate it honestly out of 10. Out of 10.
I call it the Bangladesh Road Cookie. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 What? Dude, you think that was made by feet? Yeah, dude. If I was on a road in Bangladesh.
You are so fucking. All right, we get it.
You're a good actor. You're pretending not to be a good person.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I'm being real.

Speaker 1 It's a Bangladesh road cookie. It's the same thing.
How have you ever been to British cookie? Yeah, and what I'm saying to you, dude, is this, right? That's free in Bangladesh. Out of line.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's nothing you can do about it.

Speaker 1 There's nothing you can do about it.

Speaker 1 I'm sure she's a nice lady, though. Online, dude.

Speaker 1 Close your eyes.

Speaker 1 Bangladesh Road Cookie?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Do not play that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, this is so good. You know, I've said nothing but good things.
When I take these home, they're fucking. It's the Ozempic.
Do not play it. It's the Ozimpic.

Speaker 1 I'll take the whole thing home. You take the whole thing in.
Great, because I fucking love it.

Speaker 1 I can't put anything down. Okay.
Okay, so that's my bad. Just tell me the taste is good, though.

Speaker 1 That's phenomenal. I mean, the honest truth, it's...
Oh, my God. No,

Speaker 1 I'm going to be real. What kind of desserts do you like? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Duck feet. You ever had duck feet?

Speaker 1 Let me be completely and utterly honest with you. Please don't start lying now.
I'm not going to lie, okay? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. The flavor was good.
The texture is not my thing. Fantastic.
Because it's a little soft. Yeah, it kind of just crumbles in your mouth, and it's not my thing.
That's wonderful.

Speaker 1 That's a great thing. Yeah, yeah.
But that's just my own thing. That line is so funny.
It kind of just crumbles in your mouth. That's delicious.

Speaker 1 It moistly melts in your mouth. It's got like a pumpkin spicy kind of vibe to it.
It's phenomenal. It's the white people flavor.
It's

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 his mom is from the Mediterranean.

Speaker 1 It's an olive oil-based cookie. It's not butter.

Speaker 1 Okay. It's honey.
Honey, olive oil,

Speaker 1 ginger, cinnamon. None of that's, I would say, explicitly white.
Yannis' mom and

Speaker 1 John Stamos' mom would make better cookies. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That's a fact. I've had that cookie.
I'm starting to get to me. No, I'm not being real.
That's not true. And your mom.

Speaker 1 Your mom isn't really great. Oh, my God.
You know what I mean? It's like a Greek adjacent. And that's fine.
Giannis is

Speaker 1 in the fucking dirt, bro. What? Okay.
His mom is dead. His mom's fucking dead.
And she still makes better cookies.

Speaker 1 And that's

Speaker 1 fuck you. Yeah, fuck you, Stavros.
Fuck you. Savros.

Speaker 1 Okay. So they're okay, guys.
Honestly, bro. Yeah.
Whoa, what?

Speaker 1 I don't like this behavior, but man, you're coming. You're coming out swinging, dude.
Yeah, yeah. You're swinging right now.
Yeah, yeah. Insane.
I mean, it's a truth, and I'm a truth teller, am I not?

Speaker 1 You are a truth teller. I lay things out on the table, and I just, I'm all feeling-based.
And my feeling is that it's I ate.

Speaker 1 Stamos would never bring you cookies, and you know, you go, truth teller. Look into your glass ball.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me what you see.

Speaker 1 Tell me what you see.

Speaker 1 This is what I see, okay? Tell me what you see, dude. Oh, I see.
And our fortunes.

Speaker 1 Yes. Your mom

Speaker 1 isn't hairy enough to be Greek. Whoa, okay, bro.

Speaker 1 That's not a thing. That's not a thing.

Speaker 1 Go back, go back.

Speaker 1 You named a negative thing and said she did it. She went through that.
That's true. That's true.

Speaker 1 I just don't do crystal ball improv.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've never learned that. You didn't take that class.
I didn't take that class. Yeah, yeah.
That's more groundling stuff. That's groundling stuff.
Yeah, yeah. So, you know what, dude?

Speaker 1 It was pretty good, and thank you so much.

Speaker 1 But can I be honest with you? If you never brought cookies here again, I wouldn't really even think about it. I would think about it because I'd want them.
Yeah, so bring them for me.

Speaker 1 Honestly, can you

Speaker 1 get this trash here? Oh my god.

Speaker 1 I'm being real. I'm being real.
I'm being real. I know what in front of me.
McCone, if you bring if you bring a trash can over here and throw that in the trash can, I'm going to be fucking pissed.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Thank you, McCone.
Don't do this. Don't do this.

Speaker 1 The disrespectful

Speaker 1 crazy look at my eyes, dude. Look at my eyes, dude.
Just look at my eyes right now, you dude. You piece of shit.
Do not do that. I swear to God.
Do not go to the fucking can.

Speaker 1 Bro, he beat it. Beat it.
Beat a kid. Then he beats it.
Yeah, the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Garbage. Garbage.
Garbage, everybody.

Speaker 1 How do you say garbage and green? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Teach him how to say it just so he knows.
Yeah, yeah. Scupivia.
Scupidia. Scupidia.
Play it for us. Click it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Huh? Scupivia. Scupidia.
Scopedia. Scopidia.
That's insane. Yeah, yeah.
You need to get back in the tent. You need to be more loving.
No way.

Speaker 1 I understand that this is because you're insecure, Bob, and you're lashing out. No, I'm insecure about what? Stavros? No.
I honestly legitimately don't know, but you are.

Speaker 1 And that's what's causing this behavior. Okay.
You know what's kind of beautiful about that? That is true. He shouldn't be insecure about anything.
He shouldn't. He's a perfect little being.

Speaker 1 But why are you?

Speaker 1 Why are you leaving me intact? By whom? Okay,

Speaker 1 let's go back the last

Speaker 1 40 minutes. That's not even it.

Speaker 1 No, that wasn't even it. Right? Number one, the fucking short round slams.
You started. Okay.
Number two, you fucking franken dick like I want to suck dick or something. You do.

Speaker 1 You don't want to suck the dick. I don't want to suck the dick, all right? Okay.
And then number three, to pile it on, you know, he offered everybody in town a role in his movie except me. That's not.

Speaker 1 Right. Because I'm not personal enough to play a fucking news anchor, okay? The only

Speaker 1 Ed was newscaster left. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, it's fine. Which is an insult to me more than anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Number four, um,

Speaker 1 the shitty cookie. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 His mom never bake him cookies. That's what this is about.

Speaker 1 His mom never bake him cookies. I see his brain working a thousand miles a minute.
His mom never bake him cookies.

Speaker 1 It's like another actor. Are you guys looking forward to Nastroafu?

Speaker 1 Nastarafu.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Nastara.
Are you looking forward to it or not? Big time. Yeah, me too.
Aren't you? Robert Edgars, I love him. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It'll be fun. Are you going to see this Dylan movie or no?

Speaker 1 Dylan who? This Bob Dylan movie. Oh, yeah.
You know what? I'm not interested in that. I love you.

Speaker 1 I just respected Timmy, but I just.

Speaker 1 Those movies don't interest me.

Speaker 1 Like the the Elvis movie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Although the Elvis movie was

Speaker 1 Boss Lerman did it,

Speaker 1 I would watch this movie because I like Chalamé, and it's so weird. And like, it's a frenette.
The pacing's crazy.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 anyway, we're not going to see it. I don't know what it is.
It just turned me off. The preview doesn't look good.
Coney and I talked about it, too. I'm not a huge Dylan guy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't give a fuck about Dylan. Hey, Mr.
Town.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to do it. But a bunch of boomers.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 But even still, my dad's a a boomer, though. He just never was a Dylan guy either.
Yeah, which one? The Criminal or? Dude. Now, the Criminal.
The Criminal.

Speaker 1 The Criminal was more rock and

Speaker 1 all rock.

Speaker 1 Highway 61 revisited. You didn't like that? Blonde on Blonde.

Speaker 1 Blood on Track.

Speaker 1 Blood on Blonde. But if it's a pornography.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I mean, these are

Speaker 1 masterpiece albums, dude. Wait, really? I'm being real.
These are Dylan albums. I just don't really love them.

Speaker 1 Oh, you think so, guy? Yeah. I do.
Really? Yeah, I'm going to feed into it. Well, yeah, because after Vietnam, you kind of were.
Fuck you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What? After Vietnam, what? After Vietnam, that's when you found your niche. That's like when you really started a groove.
Yeah. You're just, you're fresh out of Vietnam.
Yeah, yeah. You got back.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You were a spy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They sent you into the NVA. 66.
Yeah. Blonde.
You were two. Yeah,

Speaker 1 no, I wasn't even born yet. Thank you.
So they said, you had to think about it, though.

Speaker 1 I'm not that old. Okay.
I'll tell you what. You did have to siphon through that brain to go see.
It is crazy. Like, you do, you have, you're very youthful.
It always takes me back.

Speaker 1 It's awesome to watch people find out your age for the first time. How old are you again? I'm 35.
I have the opportunity to get it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. No, you look great.
You have a baby face. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 So when you listen, when you hear my age. You also kind of have baby hair.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 That's really good. It's false.
So 53 is old.

Speaker 1 No, it's not old, dude. We're just fucking around.
No, I'm just saying, but that's much older than you got. No, you're 40.
I'm 41.

Speaker 1 You're closer to death for me. I would honestly just assume you were.
Yeah, and you're 40. You're the same demographic, maybe.
Yeah. Okay.
Like, I would say. Because of your lifestyle.

Speaker 1 We've talked about that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 I probably had life experiences different than you. I think, like, you know, when I was in high school, there was no cell phones and stuff.
Did you have cell phones when you were in high school? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we didn't have that. But not or internet.
I didn't have a cell phone. So you read Ray.
Senior year. T9.
Yeah, T9 text. T9.
People got cell phones.

Speaker 1 My senior year, people started to like, it started to become a thing. You didn't get one, though, though, right?

Speaker 1 I did get one at the end of my senior year. Yeah, I did get one.
You beg your parents? Bag, bag, bag, bag, bag. Yeah, yeah.
Got a Nokia,

Speaker 1 a little Nokia. Yeah.
Little brick. Little Nokia brick.
And that game, Snake, I played like once for 12 hours

Speaker 1 all day, every single fucking day. That game is so fun.
See, I'm generation.

Speaker 1 I'm Super Nintendo. Yeah.
Me too. You're a Super Nintendo too?

Speaker 1 I'm an intelligent. I'm Nintendo first, but then SNES was my shit.

Speaker 1 Okay, see that, right? So I guess

Speaker 1 I'm more Nintendo. You're more Super Nintendo.
Guess what I own? And you're more Atari. No.
That is Atari. Intellivision.

Speaker 1 Oh, Intellivision. Yeah.
You know what Intellivision is? Where you plugged in the fucking thing? No, look up Intellivision.

Speaker 1 Damn. That's what I played with.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at that thing.

Speaker 1 That looks insane. That looks like a good idea.
Is it funny?

Speaker 1 One of your cousins made it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Intellivision was incredible. Oh, my God.
Two pictures. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That looks pretty fun. They are pretty tight.
You didn't know any better. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Oh, the cookies work.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a cookie.

Speaker 1 The cookie game. My mom heard you cursing me.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 She'll hit you from anywhere. She's good like that.
So there was like in television, there was a game that was like a Dungeon and Dragons game.

Speaker 1 But basically, it was like this, just a box, and you were a dot.

Speaker 1 Right? I remember. Oh, yeah, I do know this.

Speaker 1 Right? Like that. That was pretty much what I was.
And I went over to my friend's house and he goes, check this out. And see where the green is? Those are areas that you're not supposed to go.
Right.

Speaker 1 Bad.

Speaker 1 But he he goes check this out and he went through into a green area and he goes secret room oh i'm like and i thought at that time it was like wow yeah he's like what's no rules here he started taking his pants off

Speaker 1 secret box

Speaker 1 no one knows what happens while we're in here

Speaker 1 wow went back to the 10 huh you did yeah went right to the tent okay yeah we're figuring it out yeah yeah

Speaker 1 secret room no one has to know what we do in here i'm finding out what the lashing out is This time it's 75% latent homosexuality, 25% career anxiety.

Speaker 1 That's what the cocktail of the lashing out is today.

Speaker 1 I just put it together.

Speaker 1 I think it's 80-20, if I'm being honest. It's a little bit more.
A little bit more. Because career is going good.
Yeah, but even, but

Speaker 1 he still is. Sensitive for some reason, I don't understand.
Because you are awesome. You're the man and people want you and stuff, but still, you know, a little shaky.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the shaky lashing out for no reason. And it's not, and it's.
I respond to energy

Speaker 1 and your energy was a little too much

Speaker 1 you wanted to make sure he knew you were the boss that's right

Speaker 1 the voice is back

Speaker 1 we're all good here

Speaker 1 okay now hey hey

Speaker 1 stop with the cookie shit it's clean yeah yeah yeah but uh yeah so

Speaker 1 congratulations everybody Were you a Dungeons and Dragons guy?

Speaker 1 Were you a D D guy? No, but can I tell you about Dungeons and Dragons real quick?

Speaker 1 There's a Dungeons and Dragons movie

Speaker 1 that Chris Pine was in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's really good.

Speaker 1 We got to pull it up.

Speaker 1 It's called

Speaker 1 Stand of Thieves or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Honor Among Thieves. That movie was so surprisingly good.
Here's my problem. I heard that.
Here's my key problem. Why is there a hot guy in the Dungeons and Dragons thing? Well, he's a rogue.

Speaker 1 Dude, Stavros, now we're back on the same page. He's a rogue.
He was obviously a rogue.

Speaker 1 Make this entire cast unattractive.

Speaker 1 Make this entire cast. I'm trying to pretend they're a sexy guy.
But I really like that. Avatar.

Speaker 1 That's what every guy who plays thinks they look like. Guys that look like me play, think they're that, think they're getting goblin pussy, looking like that.
That's the whole point.

Speaker 1 You can get goblin pussy, though. Oh, yeah, I do, Mark.
That's the irony.

Speaker 1 Now, if we were in that world, would you get goblin pussy? Me? Without question. Yeah, yeah.
No, it's not my style. Well, you'd be only for elf pussy.
Come on, dude. Relax.
Come on. Fairy elf.

Speaker 1 Every once in a while, you'd get a little goblin pussy. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
I'd stick to my elves.

Speaker 1 I'd stick to my elf, my fairies. I'd stick to my fairies are tiny, though.
My favorite. Yeah.
Perfect.

Speaker 1 Tiny fairy. Perfect.
Tiny cock. Yeah.
Tiny fairy. Yeah.
I'm just fucking Tinkerbell and it just makes sense. Yeah.
My niggas is mad size.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Imagine fucking a fairy and then she's like, is it N?

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But what would you be? Would you be a nymph? I'd like a nymph.
I'd be more into those. I'd be into alchemy.
Ooh, you'd be a wizard, a warlock? You'd be a warlock.

Speaker 1 With potions, you know, that's my whole thing. I'd want to be one of those big, I'd want to have a big axe.
He wants alchemy. Oh, you're like, you're like a Gimli.
I want to be a brute.

Speaker 1 You're like Gimli. He wants alchemy so he can pour himself a pocket pussy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like collecting things, you know what I mean? Like mushrooms and whatnot.

Speaker 1 You're a forger. Yeah, forger.
What would you be in that? Well, you know, I'd be carrying some sort of weapon. I'd be defending the community.
Yeah, yeah, sure, sure. I'd be a brute.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you'd be a brute. I'd be a brute.
I'd be a brute. No, buddy.
Buddy, buddy, buddy. No, dude.
You'd be my companion. I'd be a brute.
Someone's got to see over the trees.

Speaker 1 No, you're like Sam Wise Gambre, the emotional support. Yes.
No. No, no, you are a physical man.

Speaker 1 Okay, how about this? You and I would be a team. Just say that.
I like that. Be a team.
And how about this? We'd be a team. You're getting crazy goblin pussy, and I'm focused on the mission.

Speaker 1 And that's the character dynamic. That is true.
That is.

Speaker 1 and i'm like stop we have to go and you're like just let me hit this second let me hit this real quick and i'm like bobby can you uh can you uh make can you mix me up an elixir that cures herpes

Speaker 1 yeah i already took it to the front

Speaker 1 and then i would say then i would say can i go with you guys yeah yeah hey guys well maybe not on this run no no no the whole because i've never seen a dragon before and i guess i know you guys are going to go hunt that dragon oh and that's awesome and we're gonna next time for

Speaker 1 sure actually we're not even gonna see any dragon not on this journey no way but why are you going to mount mount lonely well that's what where the dragon is. No, no, there's a...

Speaker 1 We're going by there. Near it.
Oh, I see. Not stopping.
But then where would you go? Yeah, you're going to Carlsbad?

Speaker 1 We've got to. Or Bakersfield? I mean, where are you going?

Speaker 1 Do you know about the sand people?

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 But you wouldn't invite me to the dragon. No, we would.
Of course we would. It would just depend on the mission.

Speaker 1 So let me throw you some things. Damsel in distress.
Would I get to go? No, that's nuts. I say we bring him.
What for? Yeah. How many damsels are there?

Speaker 1 Although, can I be honest? Your attitude today?

Speaker 1 Ooh, you're not going to invite a damsel on the street. Oh, interesting.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, interesting. When we're podcasting, this is fine.
But when we're in the woods and there's orcs descending on us, I can't have a little freak out. You know what I mean? Because we offended you.

Speaker 1 We need to eye on the prize. I don't need to worry.
Is he actually going to give me the cure? See, here's the thing for orc pussy.

Speaker 1 Is he mad at me? I wouldn't be mad because you actually invited me

Speaker 1 into your movie.

Speaker 1 right it's when you don't invite me yeah is when I get mad do you see how that works fuckface I understand yeah you understand how that works fuck face so if you invite me I'm jolly because I like to feel included you fuckface hey hey hey hey no I'm sorry my bad that's all right I'm so sorry you're right we would take you on a mission my bad that's all right I'm aggressive I wish you what would be awesome is I wish I could go back in time and just like send an email to you that you definitely would have just missed wouldn't have read yeah you could prove it like I sent you an email and I'm like oh my bad yeah yeah I would love to have You wouldn't have known.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you could have told him we talked about it. I should have said it.
Actually, we did. Dude, what are you talking about? You were supposed to be the second lead.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. Yeah, you bailed.
Yeah, I bailed. I had to rewrite the whole movie.
It was that the guy wasn't Korean anymore.

Speaker 1 I probably wouldn't have done it in the first place. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know. You know that, right? I do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would probably have done it in the first place. That's what's frustrating about this.

Speaker 1 I know you would have turned me down. Yeah, yeah.
I wouldn't have read it immediately now. Well, everybody at home needs to go watch it.
Watch it. Because I read a couple of reviews.
I'm lying.

Speaker 1 Go on Rotten Tomatoes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Go check it out. And also get the calendar.
Please get it.

Speaker 1 Please buy tickets. I'm going on a huge tour.
What is it? Where is the calendar at? Stavi.biz. S-V-I-Z.
Stavi.biz. V-V-Y.
Let's start a call. 82%.
That is huge. That's audio.
That's insane.

Speaker 1 Not enough real guys.

Speaker 1 Reviewed it to get on the tomatoes. What do you mean, not yet, but it will be.
We'll get there, baby. How many reviews do you need? I don't know.
I think it's 100. Isn't that right? It's 100%.

Speaker 1 All right. Now go to Borderlands.

Speaker 1 See what I got. What did that get? I think it's still at like 15 or 20.
Zero. 50.
10%. 10%.
Oh, man. Okay.

Speaker 1 That's bad. It's not bad.

Speaker 1 I got a couple of those. It's fine.
It is what it is. Yeah, the Kevin Hart game one.
Yeah, me time. That's probably

Speaker 1 what's at me time. What's me time at that? That's got to be at 5%, maybe.

Speaker 1 Maybe 4.5%.

Speaker 1 7. Seven.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 shit. Tough.
These movies are fascinating because it's like those guys are so famous and

Speaker 1 they're the fakest movies of all time. Without disrespect.

Speaker 1 They almost feel like movies from 30 Rock

Speaker 1 making a joke about a shitty movie that Kevin Hart was in.

Speaker 1 And they're both so famous and talented. It's like, how did this happen? But I guess they're getting the bag from Netflix.
Well, because it just doesn't matter. It's just they pump these things out.

Speaker 1 Like, that's the thing. They just pump them out.
But, you know, they're not pumping out Let's Start a Cult. They're not pumping out stuff like that.
Go watch. Yeah, but guys like us, though, right?

Speaker 1 We're in movies like this. They're fine because they're like, oh, I got nine movies I'm about to do.
And they just got him and I are going to be like, okay, I guess this is it.

Speaker 1 This is what we get. Yeah, this is what we got this year.
You know what I mean? It sucks. Yeah.
Well, go watch Let's Start a Cult. Go see Stavi Baby on tour.
Dude, it's by the county.

Speaker 1 You know, I love the

Speaker 1 thank you, dude. I love you.
I appreciate it. I love you.

Speaker 1 We'll go have dinner. What a fun.
No, we'll have dinner tonight.

Speaker 1 Let's go. All right.
All right. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you.