Egg Nogging

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots.

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Oh, you have cookies in there?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Trader Joe's, dude. Is that from Teejers?

Speaker 2 Pass at 10, play up.

Speaker 2 Pass at 10, pretty boy. One of our favorite traditions is here in Bobby chewing on the mic.
Jingle, jangle. Fun mix of favorite candy treat.

Speaker 2 Welcome.

Speaker 2 Let it rip today, dude.

Speaker 2 Let it rip. I'm ready for it.
I agree. I'm so depressed.
I get so depressed during the holidays. I can't even.
It's like a, it's a deep, it's a deep depression.

Speaker 2 You don't get depressed?

Speaker 2 You love it. I stay depressed, dude.

Speaker 2 Let's see if this doesn't make it over the crap. Yeah, December 1st is when it starts.
Nope.

Speaker 2 December 1st, you get depressed?

Speaker 2 All the way until January 5th.

Speaker 2 What happens on January 5th? Because the next day is our holiday. Three kims.
What? Three kims. The crinkings happen.
Three clinks. What's three kings? What is it?

Speaker 2 Let's start good. Let's start good.
Let's not start like that.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 you get real depressed. Oh, yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 I could tell, dude. Your face gets all red and all depressed, huh? I had a massage today.

Speaker 2 And the woman said, is there anywhere I'm not allowed to touch?

Speaker 2 Really? I thought about you.

Speaker 2 Well, there are some areas that you don't touch. I said,

Speaker 2 I don't like my face. I don't like my Achilles' heel being touched.

Speaker 2 I don't want that damaged at all, dude.

Speaker 2 Didn't that happen to Troy?

Speaker 2 Who does that happen to? Who's Troy? Helen of Troy? What? Achilles. Achilles.
Oh, Achilles, yeah.

Speaker 2 What? Achilles. His name is not Troy? No.
In Troy. In Troy.
Oh, that's what it is.

Speaker 2 Oh, here we go. The Greek hero Achilles' only vulnerable spot was his heel, left untouched until his mother dipped him in the river.
Sticks.

Speaker 2 That's where the band sticks get their name from. Well, that's everyone's vulnerable spot.
Their heel? Well, mine's the taint. Mine goes the taint.
Taint. It's so vulnerable, my taint.
Tickly-wickly.

Speaker 2 I know, but there's probably a layer of skin that's not missing. There's something about the taint that Ari.
Do you know what the taint is?

Speaker 2 Can you guess what a taint is? It's on your body.

Speaker 3 I'm guessing like on your feet.

Speaker 2 Nuh-uh. Well, some of mine's on my feet.

Speaker 2 He's got my feet. Mine does

Speaker 2 stretches down to my feet.

Speaker 2 On

Speaker 3 the vagina?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 It's the area between your balls and your butthole. Or your vag and the butthole.
The taint is a voltage.

Speaker 2 That little skin. Yeah, that little gap.
Oh. Not little.
Some people have huge taints. I hate the way this is starting.
All right.

Speaker 2 Switch it.

Speaker 2 It's not a holiday spirit.

Speaker 2 No, don't. I don't like the way that's starting either.
Chink, chink, chink, chill. Let's start new.
Let's start at right. Tinkle bell, chink.
Tinkle bell, tinkle bell all this away

Speaker 2 oh what fun it to ride one ho or punch ray hey jingle bell jingle bello hold

Speaker 2 dude asian santa at the mall dude see the on the wrapper

Speaker 2 have you been a good boy

Speaker 2 oh there's no chimneys in japan are there chimneys in japan 100 there's chimneys in japan what are you talking about there's not Did Santa get in there?

Speaker 2 Not only, yes, there are chimneys in Japan. They're not commonly seen.
Because a lot of times you see in the city, it's all buildings. It's all high-rises.

Speaker 2 I grew up in a high-rise

Speaker 2 in the city when I was a kid. I grew up in an apartment building, and I said to my mom, How does Santa even get in here? We don't have a chimney.
Right. And she goes, he comes through the front door.

Speaker 2 And I thought, what an invasive thing to do. Because the reason why Hiroshima and Nagasaki, it it was so devastating is because the houses...
No, before the bombs, you know what they did? Firebombs.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why was that so warning shots? No, that's not why.

Speaker 2 Why was firebombs so detrimental in those Japanese cities? Teach me, Mr. Know-it-all.

Speaker 2 Wood.

Speaker 2 Their houses are made out of like rice paper and wood. Bamboo.
No, really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What? I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, why didn't you answer it the first time then? Because I wanted you to say it.

Speaker 2 During World War II. I don't think you knew.
Most Japanese cities were built highly flammable materials like wood and paper. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Extremely vulnerable to large-scale fires when bombed, resulting in massive civilian casualties, widespread destruction of infrastructure, significant impact on morale. Yeah, you'd think.

Speaker 2 If your house burned down, that would bum you out a little bit. It was devastating back then.
You weren't even there. I was there, David.
You were? Yeah, yeah. I was a baby.
You were a baby in Japan.

Speaker 2 It was so devastating. Japan.
I crawled to Korea. You did.
Yeah, dude. It's a long crawl.
I know, dude. And I swam.
You did. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Devastating. Devastating.
It's devastating. Well, Merry Christmas.

Speaker 2 Merry Christmas. You know, we can say Merry Christmas now because Trump is president.
We're allowed to go back. Oh, yeah.
Thank God. Whatever happened to Kwanzaa.
It's still. It's a little thing.

Speaker 2 Have you heard of Kwanzaa? December 26th, dude. Oh.

Speaker 2 Kwanzaa is just. So they've got a Hanukkah-like candles, right? You light.
How many candles are there?

Speaker 2 Let me see the Kwanzaa. Kwanza.

Speaker 2 So there's one, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Yeah.
So it's eight in

Speaker 2 eight for Hanukkah, right? Whoa, look at the black one in the middle. What does that mean?

Speaker 2 And look at those, the guys on the outside fighting them. Yeah.
Keeping him down, keeping the man down. The seven candles in the Kinara symbolize the seven principles of Kwanzaa.

Speaker 2 And what are the seven principles of Kwanzaa? I'd like to know. I can guess.
Yes.

Speaker 3 Thou shalt not do incest.

Speaker 2 No. No, that's that's no, we want that.
All right, hold on here. Umoja.
Umoja means unity in Swahili.

Speaker 2 So strive to maintain unity in the family, community, nation, and race.

Speaker 2 Say that one. Go ahead, Rudy.

Speaker 3 Kuji Chagulia.

Speaker 2 Kuji Chagulia. This principle refers to

Speaker 2 naming, creating, and speaking for oneself, self-determination.

Speaker 1 Ujama.

Speaker 2 Ujima.

Speaker 2 Would these sound Korean?

Speaker 2 Ujima. Nia.

Speaker 2 Nujima. Nia.
Kumba. Kumba.

Speaker 2 Umani. Imani.
Oh, I feel, I met a girl named Imani in college. Was she black? Was she black? No.
Oh, fuck. Yeah, of course she was.
A miracle. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Faith. Community.
Faith. This is all kind of the same thing.
They're saying, this is kind of nice. I think we should celebrate Kwanzaa this year.
I have eggnog. See, I think that's what it is.

Speaker 2 You need eggnog? No, no, no. I think that coming in with your Christmas vibes, McCone, has sort of like rattled me.
I love Christmas. Give him some eggnog.
Give me some eggnog.

Speaker 2 Have you ever had eggnog?

Speaker 2 Wait, seriously? They don't have that in the Philippines, huh?

Speaker 3 I haven't even built a gingerbread house.

Speaker 2 Well, you can take that home and build it. That was a gift from us to you.
Thank you. And you can eat it when you're done.
This is a Davatell joke. You know what eggnog is? Elf cum.
Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 3 It's just milk.

Speaker 2 No. No, no.
No, it's eggnog. It's eggnog.
It's something different. It's yellow.
Ooh, thick. Yeah, there we go.
Thank you. Give some for Jules.
Yeah, give some for Jules. You want some? No, thank you.

Speaker 2 Mmm, really good eggnog. You like it? Really good.
Give me the carton. Yeah, yeah.
Give me the carton. You're going to love it.
You are going to love it.

Speaker 2 Hold on, get out of the way while she drinks it. Do it again.

Speaker 2 I like those. You do?

Speaker 2 It's really sweet. It's sweet.
So, you want to know what's in it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Milk, cream, sugar, eggnog base, which is sugar, egg yolks, and natural flavors, nutmeg, turmeric.

Speaker 2 Citric acid, cinnamon,

Speaker 2 cinnamon, stabilizers, guar gum, carigenian, which is uh, and then locust bean gum from locusts. You know, because locusts have big mouths, big mouths, and they have big gums.

Speaker 2 Look at that, there it is. Yeah, locust bean gum, those are their mouths, those are their mouths.
So, you're eating a locust right now. It tastes

Speaker 2 good, it tastes good, yeah, yeah, but it coats your mouth a little too thick for me. Yeah, there is a cummy, but let me see your

Speaker 2 cummy vibe down,

Speaker 2 yeah, yeah, coated.

Speaker 2 It's like you can't, you don't want to do this at Christmas dinner. Like, so will you do me a favor? And, Macon, why don't you come

Speaker 2 delicious? You don't want to do that at Christmas dinner. No, not at the dinner.
Especially if there's gays there. Or anywhere.
Because when the gays are there,

Speaker 2 they get fucking crazy.

Speaker 2 Carlos is in Texas, I think. Yeah, Merry Christmas.
This is my gift to you guys. Yeah, that's actually nice that he's gone.
Do you miss him? Kind of. Yeah?

Speaker 2 He's in Texas.

Speaker 2 So I re-watched a TV show last night. And I think it's one of the greatest shows that no one's watched.
What is it? It's called

Speaker 2 Kingdom. Oh, this is the MMA show? No.
Oh, what's it? It's a Korean show on Netflix called Kingdom. Have you seen it? Not yet.
It's the greatest show, I think. I mean, I've seen it twice now.

Speaker 2 There's two seasons. It's so fucking good, and nobody watches it.
Well, someone must. They're on a second or third season, right? Yeah, they did two seasons and then a movie based on Kingdom.

Speaker 2 It's so fucking good.

Speaker 2 And, oh, God, I can't, and no one likes it.

Speaker 2 I can't talk to anybody about it. What is it? White people in it? No, it's all Koreans.
Yeah. And it's also, oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Does it have

Speaker 2 white people in it? Yeah, yeah. Can I just tell you what it's about? Yeah, of course.
So it's ancient Korea. I'm already out.

Speaker 2 That's what I mean. Yeah, that's already.
Yeah. You're right.
If there's anything ancient,

Speaker 2 it's got to be China. We can only see ancient Chinese shit.
So it's ancient Korea, right? And it's like a Game of Thrones-y kind of a show where there's like, what's going on? Game of a throne.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, the guy's pitching. It's like, imagine Game of the Throne.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but are you saying singular? What? No, Game of the Throne.

Speaker 2 All of them. Too many throne.
Everyone. Every throne.
Everybody. You know what I mean? So they go, okay.
And they're like, and then, but then you, you know, walking, walking dead.

Speaker 2 Uh, walk, oh, walking dead, but it's walk,

Speaker 2 you know, right.

Speaker 2 You know how they go,

Speaker 2 you know, the zombo, yeah, the zombie, the fried walking dead, yeah, the fried walking dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you can put what extra walks.
Okay, you put walk, perfect in the show, we it's like uh

Speaker 2 product product placement, product placement, okay,

Speaker 2 so what is your show about? Okay, so ancient korea got it right game of thrones got it right walking dead got it put it together oh yeah we are kingdom oh yeah we'll buy it

Speaker 2 yeah that does sound like that's how it got sold in the room right walking dead yeah game of thrones in set in ancient korea okay so i'll get to that's a good pitch so i'll give you the premise yeah

Speaker 2 there's a king

Speaker 2 right he's an emperor

Speaker 2 Okay, let me guess. Is it set during the Joseon dynasty? Yes.
How'd you know? How'd you know? How'd you know? How'd you know? How'd you know? Pretty good guess, I guess. All right.

Speaker 2 And so he remarried and he had, he, you know, the queen is a concubine, one of his concubines. Oh, this must have been taken place during the Injun War.

Speaker 2 Is that true or no?

Speaker 2 How do you know that? I know a little bit of Korean history.

Speaker 2 Seriously, you saw the show? In the 17th century. No, I know a little bit of Korean history.

Speaker 2 Keep going, please. Talk to me.

Speaker 2 But I'm just, I know some of those things. Okay, anyway.
Um, does it follow based on is it based on real people? Like Li Chang? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Follows Lee Chang.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up, dude. Shut the fuck up, dude.
What? Shut the fuck up. Did you see it? Okay.
Anyway, let me know. I know Li Chang is the crown prince.
I know the fuck you know that. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 I know some ancient. Oh, you're reading it.
No. Yeah, you're reading it.
No, I'm not.

Speaker 2 All right. Anyway, stop reading it.
All right. Let me pitch it to you.
Okay. Listen, Jules.
All right. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. So,

Speaker 2 this concubine, she's young, right? And she's pregnant, right? And he's old, super old, emperor, right? But he already had a son. He's a good guy.
His son is a good guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so when the king dies, right, the emperor dies, his son is going to become emperor, but the concubine's like, I'm pregnant. Oh, and I have the next son.
Right. And if my baby gets born, right?

Speaker 2 Right. I love this.
Right. And then the emperor's dying.
He's so old.

Speaker 2 So there's an herb out in the mountains, right? And it's, it,

Speaker 2 there's like worms attached to this herb. Uh-huh.
And so when you eat the herb, the worms turn into these fucking worms and they attack your brain. You turn into a zombie.
Whoa. Right?

Speaker 2 So she's like trying to prolong the king's life because he's dying. So she feeds him this flower.

Speaker 2 So that he stays alive until she gives birth. Because if he dies, then he's automatically emperor, this other son.
Whoa. What? This is wild.
No, you are making it. I feel like you don't like it.

Speaker 2 I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right? I thought it was going to go a different way. No, no, no, no, no.
Right. So

Speaker 2 the emperor's oldest son is like going, like,

Speaker 2 he knows that his dad's sick. He's already dead, but he's a zombie.
And they're locked up. He's locked up in his fortress.
But he's technically still alive. He's technically still alive.

Speaker 2 But the bitch, Concubin, isn't really even pregnant.

Speaker 2 She puts a thing in there to pretend, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 she's on the side gathering women all over

Speaker 2 that are pregnant and seeing if they're males.

Speaker 2 She's trying to find

Speaker 2 a baby. Whoa.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then what happens is the emperor, he's in the fortress, and there's a little servant who feeds him like humans' flesh.

Speaker 2 Right? But the boy gets bitten.

Speaker 2 And he turns into a zombie. Yeah, but he dies, and some people don't turn into a zombie.
He just died. Yeah.
But what happens is the doctor brings him to a different town to

Speaker 2 just do an autopsy.

Speaker 2 But that town is so hungry that one of the villagers chops him, the boy's carcass up and feeds it to the villagers.

Speaker 2 I can see why people didn't watch this. And then the villagers,

Speaker 2 dude, I know. Okay, can I just say this? It's too much.
No, no.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 There's this.

Speaker 2 After the first, anyone who will listen, the first episode, the very end scene, watch it. It is incredible.
I'll say this. Okay.
It sounds good. It went a little too wonky-donkey.

Speaker 2 Here's what it should have been: she's pregnant. She's actually.
It shows a hit. What are you talking about? If they did two seeds, you can't rewrite it.
I'm rewriting it. Okay, all right.

Speaker 2 It wasn't a hit. You just said it lasted two and then they killed it, and no one watched it.
You started this off by saying, nobody watched this fucking show. So clearly, it wasn't a hit.

Speaker 2 It wasn't a hit. Here's how it would have been great.
Take it out of the fantasy world of zombies.

Speaker 2 Just make it so that she's pregnant and there is a team of people who are trying to kill her so this baby doesn't get born so that this other

Speaker 2 next to kin gets the kingdom. So it's a war of trying to kill this woman to get this baby out of her so she's not carrying the next king.
No. I love that.

Speaker 2 Better than eating a worm in the brain and they keep them in the zombie and it bites the boy. No, but these villagers that eat.

Speaker 2 I don't like zombies. That's my, you know, I don't.
Oh, you don't like zombies.

Speaker 2 Can I ask you about zombies? Zombies doesn't do it for me. I have a thought about zombies.
You like zombies? I like zombies. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 If you watch any, have we talked about zombies before on the show? Probably. We love zombies.
We like zombies. Have you thought, well, Cohen, listen, okay? You're a director.

Speaker 2 So rude to do that with Andres, right? I know, I know. You know?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 when you see like Walking Dead or anything,

Speaker 2 you don't like talking about this? No, no, I want to hear it. Just a sigh.

Speaker 2 I'm just fat right now. You look great.
No, brother. I lit the mirror this morning, 205, 206, I think it was yesterday.
Fatty, fatty, patty, watty. Yeah.
Fatty, patty wagon.

Speaker 2 I was just eating bullshit. When I watched The Walking Dead, what?

Speaker 2 When you see average zombies. You mean looks-wise?

Speaker 2 They're essentially average people who turn it into average zombies, right? So they're all wearing like, you know, a workman's jacket, right? It's just regular

Speaker 2 people. LA5.
Right. LA5.
But you never see

Speaker 2 dwarf zombie.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You never see that. No, Brad.
No, Brad wouldn't. You never see spinal bit for the zombie.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Right. Right.
You never see 600-pound zombie just in a bed. Why not? And he's eating deep-fried brains or whatever.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Right? Why isn't that? I don't know why. You got to mix it up.
Right? It's always like.

Speaker 3 Well, have you seen The Last of Us? There's different kinds of zombies.

Speaker 2 But those are mushroom zombies.

Speaker 2 No, what I'm talking. Is that what you're saying? Yeah.
No, what I'm saying is, yeah, I mean, people turning into a mushroom zombie. I'm not talking, but what happened to their, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 If they're OCD or whatever. You got to put that into it.
Like, why isn't there autistic

Speaker 2 like walking over a crack 15 times?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, he loses the OCD when he becomes a zombie?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Or the racism. Right.
You know what I mean? Right? Racist zombies. Yeah, just the zombies are just going for the black guy.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Like, they were like fucking KKK. They turned zombie.
You never,

Speaker 2 with who they were, the essence of who they were are gone. You don't, you don't, there's no autistic zombies.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 It's a bunch of zombies by a train track, just eating if you go by train tracks all day.

Speaker 2 Immobile zombies. Right.
It's like, it's always the same. There are fat zombies in touch of the dead.
Oh,

Speaker 2 fat zombies. But that's the first time the walking dead, no man's land, fat walkers are particularly dangerous and can they can tank more

Speaker 2 tank more damage than normal walkers. So, yeah, I guess there is.
Yeah. There's a few, but not, we don't see it.
It's not, what you're saying is there needs to be more DEI in the zombie world.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like MMA zombie. Right.
Putting

Speaker 2 in an arm lock, but buying, you know what I mean? Just like their old self. More.
More of that. But I want to see dwarves.
LP zombies. Yeah.
LPZs. Yeah, and you just kick them.

Speaker 2 And they land on their back. They have such little legs that can't get back up.
They're just going,

Speaker 2 you know, I always do or think about stuff like that. Oh, every day of my life.
Like vampires. Like vampires.
Where are they? Where's the 600-pound vampire that drinks too much blood? Yeah,

Speaker 2 he drinks way too much, and his buddies are going, dude, it's too much. Yeah, your blood sugar sugar.
You just killed a giraffe. Your blood sugar sugar levels

Speaker 2 through the roof. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 Like a vampire with diabetes. Yeah.
They never have that. No, they should.
Yeah. I don't know why.
Well, one would assume it's because they're dead. They don't have to fucking adhere to any rules.

Speaker 2 So they're going to stay the same shape and size. Like, do you imagine when you die, will this be the body that you embody in the afterlife? Or do you think you get a new body?

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Speaker 2 That's okay, so this is what I was thinking, my friend. That's a very good question.
Yeah, do you get a new body? So I was watching 600-pound life the other day. Love.
It was one of my favorite shows.

Speaker 2 And a lot of them, they just die fat, which is bad. Right.
So I feel bad. Awful.
I'm awful. But when they get to heaven,

Speaker 2 are they 600 pounds up there? Right. Do they get a new shell? Or do they just fall immediately through the sky?

Speaker 2 They die and they're like, yeah.

Speaker 2 And they fall, right?

Speaker 2 Because you're up there. Too heavy for the clouds.
Too heavy for the clouds. Yeah, I get it.
Or like he's trying to get through the pearly gates

Speaker 2 and you can't get in. Dude, so funny.
What? Too fat for the pearly gates. Too fat for the pearly gates.
Imagine. You never think that.
And what's his name? St. Peter? Who's at the gate? Yeah, St.

Speaker 2 Peter. Imagine St.
Peter's like, buddy. Buddy, yeah.

Speaker 2 Go back down. Walk a couple laps around the clouds.
Come on back.

Speaker 2 You're never going to make it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're never going to make it. My buddy Zach's got a great joke.
I'm going to tell his joke about hell. Have I told you this joke? Oh, I told you in the car in Australia.
Yeah, I told you.

Speaker 2 The guy says,

Speaker 2 this guy goes to hell, right? And he gets down there and it's okay. It's not that bad.
And then Hitler, the devil comes up to him and goes,

Speaker 2 hey, how are you liking it? He's like, honestly, that's, I mean, it's okay. He goes, all right, right on.
He's like, you.

Speaker 2 You like pizza? He's like, yeah, I love pizza. He's like, oh, dude, you are going to love Mondays.
Mondays, we have a brick oven pizza right back there. We use the flames and we all get pizza.

Speaker 2 We eat all night and drink beer. It's awesome.
Yeah. He's like, you like tacos? Yeah.
He says, yeah, I love tacos. Dude, you're going to love Tuesday.
On Tuesday, we all have tacos.

Speaker 2 We gather around together. We drink beer and eat tacos.
It's incredible. Yeah.
All right. And he says, You like Wednesday?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, he goes. He says, please, I like it better, though.

Speaker 2 He says,

Speaker 2 Do you like anal sex with men? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he goes, no. He goes, you're going to hate Wednesday.

Speaker 2 Did you guys put up Christmas lights when you were a kid? Bro, bro, what are you talking about? I just asked you a legitimate question. One morning, my dad goes, wakes me up, goes, murder Christmas.

Speaker 2 I go, okay. And he goes, he gave me 200 bucks.
Right? That was Christmas?

Speaker 2 It gets worse. It was July.

Speaker 2 Is that Korean Christmas in July? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, they don't know anything about.
So you never did any decoration. My parents knew nothing about any holiday.
You didn't get a tree ever?

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, I mean, we had a tree

Speaker 2 when I was eight, and I kid you not.

Speaker 2 This is not even a joke. That tree stayed in my house for seven years.
No. Yeah.
The pines had fallen off, and my mom would put squid on it, the branches, to dry the squid.

Speaker 2 Well, it is a nice way to dry out the squid and it gets an air. I swear to God, that's not even a joke.

Speaker 2 What is Christmas in Korea? What is it like? Let's see what it's like down there for Christmas. Yeah, tell me.

Speaker 2 Tell me. They do.
It's It's considered a national holiday in Korea. Most employees have a day off from work.
But where, can you look this up later? I mean, whatever.

Speaker 2 When that was a thing. I don't think it was like that when my parents grew up.
Well, right. I think my parents, because when they came to America

Speaker 2 in the 1960s, they knew nothing about it. So when did the concept of Christmas was introduced? Oh, right.
It was before. It was, yeah.
Really? It was the late 1700s and 1800s when Kids.

Speaker 2 But my parents didn't care.

Speaker 2 Don gip sinum

Speaker 2 introduced as Christmas as an important holiday described by Christian events in detail. So in the late 1700s, well, your parents were way before that.

Speaker 2 Your mom was born in like 1503 or 1504? That bloggles my mind because my parents pretended like they didn't know. Like, well, you don't know.
Yeah, but check this out.

Speaker 2 This has got to be socioeconomic, too, right? Like, I'm sure your parents didn't grow up with anything. They couldn't afford Christmas.
They were struggling to survive. Yeah, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 This has got to be privileged people in Korea that had money could celebrate Christmas. Maybe.

Speaker 2 Not your fucking parents.

Speaker 2 Maybe, yeah. Their families didn't come from a lot of money.

Speaker 2 Well, don't say that like that. That's a good thing.

Speaker 2 My mom says we were royal. No, they weren't.
Yeah, the royal bloodline. No, no chance.
My dad's side were ghetto.

Speaker 2 My mom's side was royal.

Speaker 2 My grandfather and my remember I told you about the hill that my mom used to walk down? Yeah. That was like one house on a mountain.
How did you guys fall so far?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Well, you were royal, so now now you're

Speaker 2 she married my ghetto dad. Trash.
Yeah, yeah. So she married down.
She married down. Sounds like a Hallmark movie.
Yeah. Titanic.
Yeah. She married down.
She married down. Titanic.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she married down, dude. That sucks.
She married down for love. Yeah.
Turns out wasn't worth it.

Speaker 2 Got two shitty kids. Yeah, I think it wasn't worth it.
No. Yeah.
But once it happens, what are you going to do? Stay in love. Yeah.
You just got to stay in love. Until one of them dies.

Speaker 2 That's really, you just got to slug it out until somebody dies. Yeah.
That's what love really is. But at least they didn't get like, I saw TikTok and, you know, that kid,

Speaker 2 we talked about it already, but like a kid that has like autism, like severe autism, violent. Yeah, like fights his parents.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's like, at least they didn't have that.

Speaker 2 No, they had drug addict children. That's true.
That's true. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's much easier to handle.

Speaker 2 You think so?

Speaker 2 Well, I think because it's through compassion that they understand that you're probably using drugs because you have an addictive bloodline. They didn't know about it.
They don't know about it.

Speaker 2 No, but

Speaker 2 you can empathize. There's something in your bone.
Your mom has a very

Speaker 2 empathetic way. Yeah.
Do you know what I mean? Are you wearing your socks over your sweatpants like that?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because it's cold.

Speaker 2 Your ankles were that cold? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you celebrate Christmas in the Philippines?

Speaker 3 Yeah, even like all the poor people, they still celebrate Christmas.

Speaker 2 Right. But when they got nothing, what happens? It was just another day.

Speaker 3 It's fine.

Speaker 2 Really? So, like, a because remember we went so we went to the Philippines. Yeah.
Remember that one field, not a field, but there was like a goat tied to like a stick? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then we brought spaghetti. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You feed spaghetti to the goat? No, no.

Speaker 2 And we took, we took like hundreds of spaghettis, boxes of spaghetti to feed the hungry. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then they ran out of these huts.

Speaker 2 Can I call them huts? I think so.

Speaker 2 They're made of huts. I know, but it seems like just I'm being.
What are they made out of? Just sticks. Sticks.
Sticks and mud?

Speaker 3 sticks, stones.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's that's a hut. That's a hut.
Thank you. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah. That's undeniably a hut.
Yeah, so we bring a van.

Speaker 2 We open it up. We open up the van, and there's these boxes of spaghetti that we all, you know.
Yeah. And then out comes kids completely naked.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Spaghetti. Yeah, yeah.
And they took the spaghetti, and in my mind, I'm like, what do they get for Christmas? Spaghetti.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 And that poor goat.

Speaker 2 What if they were going to eat it, right? No, I don't know if they were, were they eating it? What did they do?

Speaker 3 Some Filipinos, they just take care of it as like their pet.

Speaker 2 So why poor goat? He's getting taken care of. He didn't look healthy.
Oh, right.

Speaker 2 It was like.

Speaker 2 You think I'm making fun of? Why'd you roll your eyes? What's going on here? No, do you? Oh, that's a ghost, dude. There's a ghost here.

Speaker 2 It fell. Yeah, what are you doing, McCone? Good job, Cone.
Guess, you know. Yeah, good job, job, Cone.
We had the B team today.

Speaker 2 You golf today? No, I can't because of my back. Oh, well, why are you tired then?

Speaker 2 I think last night I just couldn't go to bed. I had one of those nights where my brain was moving and I was going through my

Speaker 2 fucking set in my mind about what I want to finalize for the hour. And then I couldn't go to bed.
And then I went downstairs and then I ate a midnight snack.

Speaker 2 And that's going to keep you up for another fucking week. What was the snack? Oh, I had such a good little fucking snack.
What was that? Little Hawaiian rolls, you know, little puffy Hawaii rolls.

Speaker 2 I love those things, yeah. With leftover beef tenderloin that we had, and I warmed it up so the American cheese melted all over that fucking horse.
Oh, my lord. And

Speaker 2 I had a little bit of onions and peppers left over. Wow.

Speaker 2 Buddy. So I had two of those, and then I was up.
Once you eat that midnight snack shit, you're up. You're not going back to bed.
We got to let it digest first.

Speaker 2 Well, that's why I stayed up for a little while. Yeah.
You know when people wake up, do you wake up in the middle of the night to pee? Oh, yeah. Do you wake up in the middle of the night to poop too?

Speaker 2 No. I've started to do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'll wake up to poop sometimes.
Sometimes I have to hold my pee. You know why? Why? Because if I open the door, the cats, all three cats, are just waiting there.
Waiting for you to wake up?

Speaker 2 24-7, if I close a door, they're just waiting there like this. And I hold my pee, I go, I don't want to deal with them.
What are they going to do? Just walk around? No, they try to get in.

Speaker 2 But what do they do? Sometimes I'll open it and one will scurry it and then go underneath the bed. And then now I have to like

Speaker 2 go underneath the bed and grab them.

Speaker 2 What do they do if you're in the room when you're sleeping? You don't even know they're there. They just kind of walk around.
No, because you don't understand.

Speaker 2 Cats are nocturnal animals. Yeah, they're up.
So at four in the morning, Goonie thinks he's the flash.

Speaker 2 He's jumping around.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And so I can't have him in the room. You're like,

Speaker 2 you just hear crazy shit. You know what I mean? You'll stay awake.
Yeah, there's no way. So I have to barricade.
You know, I barricade it with objects and all kinds. It's a whole system.

Speaker 2 So if I open it, then I got to put the fucking barricades back up. Yeah.
And I've already peed, right? So now I'm already awake and I'm doing physical activity. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So it's like I sometimes just hold it. What's going on with my forehead?

Speaker 2 Nothing. Oh, it's just it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's breaking out a little bit. A little bit, huh?

Speaker 3 It's cuspa dandruff.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Cuspa dandruff?

Speaker 3 Caspa is dandruff.

Speaker 2 Yes. What do you mean, cuspa? Caspa is the word for dandruff.
In what language? In the Spanish.

Speaker 2 Caspa is dandruff? Caspa. Is that the same thing in

Speaker 2 the Philippines? Wow.

Speaker 2 Dandruff. How would you know that?

Speaker 2 Were you called Caspa Boy when you were a kid?

Speaker 2 Little Caspa.

Speaker 2 That's Fancy Bee's new name.

Speaker 2 Wait, what does Caspa mean again? Dandruff. Flakes.
You have Dandruff on your forehead. That's why Casper was named Casper.

Speaker 2 That right here.

Speaker 2 It's pimples here. That's a pimple.
That's what I meant. And I have.
I thought you said you were going to have Dandruff on your forehead.

Speaker 2 You have dandruff on your forehead without the hair? That's

Speaker 2 what I can get. Why do you have dandruff?

Speaker 2 Why do you have dandruff? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Your scalp is dry. I wash my hair every day.
That's what's exactly what I'm doing. That's why.

Speaker 2 You're not supposed to wash it every day.

Speaker 3 No, but if I don't wash it every day and it gets oily and it gets like heavy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but there's tricks to it. Yeah.
Doesn't your aunt have a fucking hair care line?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Use that hair care line. Pay attention.

Speaker 2 I do. No, but honestly, don't wash your hair every day.
It's not good for it. It actually gets it more oily.
You know, if you wash it too much, it's bad for it.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Did you see the final of

Speaker 2 Great British Bake Off? I haven't watched the last episode, but I, but in my mind, I know who won.

Speaker 2 Tell me.

Speaker 2 The young, good-looking kid. I can't remember his name.
But don't say anything. Can I? No.
Please. I'm going to watch it.
I'm going to tell you. No, because some of our fans haven't seen it yet.

Speaker 2 So don't do that. Okay.
Yeah, you can't spoil it for them. But by the way, the Great British Baking Show.
But it made me cry. Top tier television.

Speaker 2 Okay, top-tier television. It's not just top-tier.

Speaker 2 There's a wholesomeness about it. Beautiful.
And a warmth about it that, like, is none of that's in my own life. Or in American culture.

Speaker 2 That's only happened in the British, in the British competition shows. It doesn't happen in the American competition shows.
Do you know why?

Speaker 2 I have the secret. I want to know.

Speaker 2 Money. There's no prize money in the British shows.
Zero. It's all for pride.
All the fucking American shows are based on top chef, you can win $100,000.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's Star Trek shit. Exactly.
Yeah. That's exactly.
Star Trek, there's no money. No money.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. In that world.
The goal is pride. It's a pride.

Speaker 2 It is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Bonding with other human beings. Community.
Community. And they don't have the

Speaker 2 interactions. Exactly.
It's all like, it give me the money. Yeah, yeah.
I want to be Ruben Stutter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, when Paul Hollywood, dude, when Paulie Hollywood gives you a handshake, I literally tear up. That's more than money.
That's the point. That's more than

Speaker 2 money. That's more than much.
But I'm saying, you can't. I don't know what that means, but.
It's more than much. Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can't replace it. There's Paul Hollywood right now.

Speaker 2 It's a sexy song. You watch a show?

Speaker 2 No. It's the best show on television.

Speaker 2 So what happens is it's a baking show.

Speaker 2 And when he tastes something, it's usually something that he can't make because he's one of the best bread bakers in the world. In the world.
In the world, right?

Speaker 2 So sometimes, you know, they're amateur bakers, and sometimes he'll eat it, and he'll chew it. You can tell what's going on in his mind.
He's like.

Speaker 2 Holy shit, that was good, right? And every once in a while, he'll go, handshake.

Speaker 2 And when the contestant gets a handshake they start crying yeah because they know that he doesn't give those out often and they know that it's excellence pure excellence it's such a great show and prue is fun to look at too i love pro yeah

Speaker 2 the comedy

Speaker 2 yeah it's okay i know

Speaker 2 i they've tried to hire well they used to have a couple of comedians come and go on the show yeah why do they even need to do it sketches and stuff i think because it kills time i think it's a filler yeah that's prue right there we love prue prue's great look at the the lettuce on her.

Speaker 2 Zoom in, by the way. Yeah.
She's got the thickest head of hair.

Speaker 2 It's beautiful.

Speaker 2 What flavor does she not like?

Speaker 2 Wait, hold on. This is funny.
Yeah. There's something that she doesn't like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, it's an ingredient. Paul Hollywood's the same way.
He doesn't like,

Speaker 2 because he said it to the young guy, too, in the middle of the season. Let me guess.
Matcha? No, matcha he doesn't like. That's what they call it.
He doesn't like matcha. Matcha, yeah.
Matcha.

Speaker 2 He doesn't like matcha. But she doesn't like, I'll tell you.
Hold on, hold on. Give me a hint.
Give me one little hint. It's something that we eat in our sandwiches.
We make a sandwiches out of it.

Speaker 2 Make our sandwiches out of it. It's like a filling for a sandwich.
Oh, an ingredient. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Peanut butter. Yes.
Yeah, she hates peanut butter. She doesn't like peanut butter.
I remember this.

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 how do you not like peanut butter? How do you not like it? It's the greatest adventure ever made. You like peanut butter? It's so good.
What do they have? What are you chunky or creamy? Brother.

Speaker 2 Well, then let me guess. Just like my cum.

Speaker 2 Chunky, chunky chunky.

Speaker 2 Chunky, chunky chunk.

Speaker 2 Chunky, chunky, chunky. Just like I like my pussy.
You're chunky, chunky, chunky. I like my peanut butter like I like my pussy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, chunky, chunky, dude. I love chunky.
I want to crunch on it. I want to feel the bite.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is the thing because when we were.
What is that? Discharge? I don't want to know.

Speaker 2 You know when you crumble chips inside of your peanut butter and jelly sandwich because you need the crunch. When you have potato chips and the chunky peanut butter,

Speaker 2 oh my. Wait, wait, you do peanut butter? Wait, wait, what? Stop, stop.
Crumble up potato chips and put them inside the peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You gotta be kidding me.
Like Lays?

Speaker 2 No, you've never done it. Ruffles.
You gotta show me. Ruffles? Oh, bro.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I gotta tell you. It's one of my favorite things on earth.
Are you sure? Are you tricking me?

Speaker 2 You will love it. You guys have never done this? You never crumbled up chips on the inside of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? My God, it's fucking phenomenal.
There are potato chips in there.

Speaker 2 Look at that. There you go.
Yeah, you crumble it. So these are kettle-cooked.
This might be, kettle-cooked might be a little bit too much.

Speaker 2 You need something that's a little bit easier to break because kettles kind of cut the roof of your mouth if you catch them at a wrong angle. So is it the saltiness of it? Yeah.
It's the cream.

Speaker 2 Let's put salt in it then. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 And also flavor. You got to pick a good flavor you like.
Oh, my God. I've never even seen that before.
As we must, as we must. It's white people's shit.
It's shit that you guys hide.

Speaker 2 We've been hiding it for a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why do you hide shit like that? Well, let me tell you something. I was going to the meeting last week, and I said, can we share this with the others?

Speaker 2 And all of the whites were like, we'd rather you not. Oh, the white people.
I said, you know what? How many people are at the white meeting?

Speaker 2 Well, what's our local? Our local 416 is what? I don't know. There's like 100 people there or something like that? Yeah, 1120.
100, 120. Depending on your.
And then, so let me.

Speaker 2 Because I've always wanted to know about white meetings. Yeah.
Right? So, can I tell you real fast before you ask? Okay. I said I want to share some of this with my Asian best friend, Livitt.

Speaker 2 They kicked me

Speaker 2 out of this sanctuary. Oh, you're invited.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 He's a co-chair.

Speaker 2 Out of all the people in our area, he's the co-chair? Well, he's a co-chair of this. I mean, Steve Carell lives around here.
Yeah. Well, he's.
Does Carell go? He is the Illuminati chair.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's different.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, I see.
He's not there. Uh-uh.
Yeah. Well, he beams in.
He beams in. Oh, you have.
Okay. Yeah, we see.

Speaker 2 Wait, what do you got? But ask, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Oh, may I? Yeah. May I.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 would I, I have so many questions. I mean, I'll answer one right now.
Yeah, snow was originally black. We made it white.

Speaker 2 That was my first question. Yep.
Oh, my God. Snow was

Speaker 2 originally black. I did not know that.
Wow. Yep.
Yeah. Are there any

Speaker 2 black angels?

Speaker 2 McCone knows the answer.

Speaker 2 Yeah, do you know the angels?

Speaker 2 You know the? Tell him about the... Tell him.
He asked, are there black angels? And go ahead. Yeah, yeah, because you guys have all the Dead Sea Scrolls or whatever you have.
Correct. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Tell him. Correct, Jesus.

Speaker 2 Yeah, are there black angels? I don't think I'm allowed to tell them. Are you nervous about this question? All right.
Well, we could bypass the question.

Speaker 2 Would you like to come to one of these meetings? We are looking for staff.

Speaker 2 I mean, I would be honored, but, you know, I'm not. Well, you'd be working the meeting.
You'd be working. Anyway, so you have non-whites working the meeting?

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, we're not going to do that shit. That's disgusting.
We're not going to. Oh, but would I be able to eventually move my way up the channel and be white? There's room to shift.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Well, it's mostly, it's mostly lateral. Oh, it's this way.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't want that. I would rather not.
You'd be lucky to be there. I understand that.
I mean, I've always wanted to see a white meeting, right?

Speaker 2 I mean, if I'm doing the janitorial stuff, like sweeping and all that stuff. you would be.
Would I be able to peek in and watch what's going on or no? Perhaps.

Speaker 2 I need a guarantee here, babe. Well, my dear, you pass one of the tests and you can.
The baby blood? That's not, you don't get those tests. Oh, what does the minorities get? Tell them.

Speaker 2 Yeah, tell us, McConnell.

Speaker 2 Give them one of the minorities. Yeah, yeah.
You remember them. You just got, you just got, you had your exam a week ago.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know. You're enacting some of it.
What is it? What is the, what does it, what is minorities' first task here?

Speaker 5 One of the minority's first tasks is can you talk into the mic, please?

Speaker 5 The handling the catering for everything is one,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 just

Speaker 2 I mean, we call that anti-comedy. Anti-anti.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. You know, and you know, we edited the show.
You could say anything. Yeah, this could have been so fun.
You could say anything. Yeah, that was the most anti-comedy.

Speaker 2 This bit hadn't very much. It wasn't even bad.

Speaker 2 like I know. You know what's funny? I'm just basically explaining Scientology.
That's all I know.

Speaker 2 I know. So what is it? I don't know if about, I don't know, fucking, I don't know.
I don't know if about cults, I think. Oh, my God.
Okay. I mean,

Speaker 2 no, this bit does scare you. Funny.
Some reason. It does.

Speaker 2 This bit will be taken out of context and they'll be like, they really are in a cult. You literally never said anything bad.
I know. It's obviously a joke.

Speaker 2 No, no, but it's funny how they do, how someone on the internet will be like, were they really joking? Were they really joking about these white meetings? And you know what? You'll never know.

Speaker 2 You'll never know. Yeah.
That's insane. We don't have one.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you this.

Speaker 2 I mean, the bit was going so good. Yeah, McConne squished.
I know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was going so good. But here's the thing.
So good. It's a Christmas mood.
I'm not in a cult mood. All right.
We'll get to Christmas. Christmas is a cult.
First of all, Christmas is a cult.

Speaker 2 This is the most cult. We decorate.
We change the way we look and feel. You're worshiping a sun god.
Yeah, we're worshiping a sun god, my dude. How is this? How is Christmas not a cult?

Speaker 2 Every holiday is culti. You get together, you chant.
By the way, what do we do at Christmas? What do the whites do? We sing songs together.

Speaker 2 Have you ever caroled? Culty. Absolutely not, man.
I'm Sheila, but I've never caroled.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah. I'll be right.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, I've never caroled because I can't sing.
I'm not a singer. No, you're a very good singer, dude.
Just cut it out. Oh, my God, dude.
On the road? Cut it out, will you? Dude, you're great.

Speaker 2 Honestly, stop it. Do do do do do.

Speaker 2 Do that.

Speaker 2 No, you know what, though? I do. My dad does make us sing.

Speaker 2 Like a real, yeah, JV makes us sing. Like a real white family, we sing together.
I love that man. There's a funny clip, man.
I wish I could show you. He loves you.
Dude, he loves you.

Speaker 2 He was like, how was Thanksgiving? I said, great. He goes, did Bobby come by? I said, nah, he was going to Michael Bay's house.
At the time, you were. Yeah, Michael Bay.
You didn't end up going. No.

Speaker 2 You know who missed Michael Bay's Thanksgiving? They blow up the turkey.

Speaker 2 They do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's incredible. It's incredible.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 he uses film still.

Speaker 2 Really does.

Speaker 2 I went to Palm Springs. Yeah, you want a little journey? I took a girl a date out in Palm Springs.
And can I tell you when you said that, the jealousy in my soul? Because I haven't been in a while.

Speaker 2 And Palm Springs in the winter. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Favorite.
It's

Speaker 2 at Mastros. Oh, out in the

Speaker 2 it was

Speaker 2 packed.

Speaker 2 Really? I could not believe how packed it was. I mean, it's beautiful out there.
They do all the lights and the decorating. I mean, you're talking about

Speaker 2 the, I had to wait an hour, and I had reservations. It was like, we're sorry.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Yeah.
Did you do the

Speaker 2 it's me? It's by way of life.

Speaker 2 And they still let you. They didn't.
Okay. Because they did for coming.
Yeah, I got it. Yeah.
You know, they let him in. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you went out there on a little journey. Yeah, and then I drove back.
I should have maybe gone to my, I don't know. But anyway, um, I would have wished you came over to me.

Speaker 2 Because I was talking

Speaker 2 with my friend, I go, the last Christmas I was in Chicago. I mean, the last Thanksgiving.
At my house. Was that your house? Yeah.
What a great fucking thing. We had so much fun.

Speaker 2 I'll always remember that. Everybody, my mom and dad, just, I mean, everyone loves you, but.
What did you do for Thanksgiving? We just had a small dinner with the family. Yeah.

Speaker 2 The family, but not including us. So not the family.
Well, I was a part of the family at one point. You've been removed.

Speaker 3 You're always invited. You're the one that doesn't want to go.
That's not true.

Speaker 2 That's not true.

Speaker 2 And you know what? Honestly, you're projecting. You don't want him to go.
So you say to Auntie Kalila, you say, what if we don't invite Tito Babby this year? No. That's what I heard.
You didn't.

Speaker 2 Let me give you an example. Okay, go.
Okay.

Speaker 2 If Darth Vader

Speaker 2 and the Emperor, right? And Boba Fett

Speaker 2 and all had a right. No,

Speaker 2 that's not the right.

Speaker 2 No, I know. I got it right here.
Okay, let's say I'm Luke Skywalker. I'm going to do a Star Wars one, right?

Speaker 2 And I was going to to go tattooing to go to Thanksgiving, right? But you guys invited Darth Vader.

Speaker 2 Would Luke Skywalker want to go to Thanksgiving? Why would you invite Darth Vader? He's just there. And what's he doing there? That's his dad.
He's making up. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, interesting.

Speaker 2 That's a bad example. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I don't like any of that. Given that detail.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, you understand why.

Speaker 3 You're always invited.

Speaker 2 I don't like that phrase because what does that mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 People think no one invited me, by the way. Yeah.
So I have to assume that I'm invited.

Speaker 3 Well, did you want to go?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So no one invited me.

Speaker 2 No, she didn't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so, you know. I want you to look at you have to assume.
Like, I think I'm going to show up because I assume I'm invited because I'm always invited. Right, but that's not the case.

Speaker 2 That's not the case. Because Bobby doesn't want to, he doesn't want to go.
He's intrusive. Right.
He doesn't want to be where he's not welcome. He feels unwelcome.
I guess.

Speaker 3 But no one, everyone talks, they don't talk bad about you.

Speaker 2 They're always like. That sounds like they do.

Speaker 2 That sounds like they do.

Speaker 2 That's like the worst thing you could ever say. It's like the worst thing you could say.
Oh my god. Hey, ask me really that.
Watch this. Ask me right now.
Go, they don't.

Speaker 2 Did they talk about me over there? Go ahead. Hey, did they talk to me about me over there? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Nobody does. What? Right? You don't believe it? Yeah, I don't believe that.
You know right away. Exactly.

Speaker 2 No, I'm telling you. Look at me.

Speaker 2 Did they talk bad about Bobby at the party? No, they don't. Don't close your eyes.
Do with your eyes open.

Speaker 3 They don't.

Speaker 2 Pretty good. That's pretty good.
Yeah, I believe it. Actually, they don't.
Yeah. I had to take a look.

Speaker 2 My old family is having a Thanksgiving. Yeah.
That's great. Who else showed up? Mom? Meritus? Yeah.
Everyone showed up good. Roger? Yeah.
Yeah, everyone showed up.

Speaker 2 Remember, I used to go every year?

Speaker 2 Do you remember that?

Speaker 2 You do, you do, huh? Yeah. You don't really think about that, do you? Be honest with me.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 While you were driving back from Palm Springs, did you think about maybe popping in there and surprising? No. I don't even know where it is.
That's even more hurtful. Yeah, it's very hurtful.

Speaker 2 Where's the address? You know that. I don't know whose house it's at because if you don't get invited,

Speaker 2 you have no idea where the fucking location is. Right.
It could be a number of places. That is true because we had Thanksgiving, but we didn't do it at my house.
We did at Buka de Beppo.

Speaker 2 So you never know. Yeah.
You never know where it's going to happen.

Speaker 2 But when I was driving back from Palm Springs, I was thinking to myself, wow, I should just drive off this freeway because I'm so lonely.

Speaker 2 I'm so lonely. I wanted you at my house.
I am so lonely and so alone. I have nobody.
I literally have nobody. I know you have you, but it's like, you know, I don't want to rely on it.

Speaker 2 You know, so it's like, I want you to want me. I know, I know.
I want you to want me. I know, but it was so miserable.
I actually held out. I feel so alone.
We kept a chair for you. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 We kept a chair for you at the dinner table. Do you know this?

Speaker 2 We kept a chair at the table in the hopes that you would show up because I even said, Oh, my God. I said, I have nobody.
You have me. I'm alone.
I'm truly alone. No, you're not.
I really am.

Speaker 2 Why do you say that? Because I am.

Speaker 2 I wake up and I I go, oh, no one's fucking here. Okay, okay, first of all.
Yeah. First of all, let's be real, though.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Not someone being in your home is different than you having a wealth of people that are deeply in love with you on many levels.

Speaker 2 I don't know, man. I can tell you that's a fact.
I mean, last night I was like sitting there with Ian Bag just talking. I love Ian Bag.
I do too. He's like one of the funniest dudes in comedy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I was like, he's like, are you okay? I go, I'm so alone. Where were you at? Store? Improv.
Well, that'll make you feel lonely. That place.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 2 I get it. But by the way, comedy clubs are the worst place for our egos.
Why?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 it's a test. It's a test.
It's a test of your skill and your self-assurance and your self-awareness and all that shit. Stand-up clubs are hard on your ego, whether we know it or not.

Speaker 2 What do you mean hard on our egos? Because you're constantly in, you should know of all people. You are constantly in conflict with yourself over being good enough and funny enough.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's also.

Speaker 2 That's a hard place to do.

Speaker 2 honest. Keeps you honest.
Yeah, well, it keeps you, it also keeps you very introspective. Yeah, because you know how you and I did this show Friday night.
It was packed in the main room. Slammed.

Speaker 2 So you weren't on the lineup last night in the main room? I didn't go to it. It was just me? Yeah.
It was dead. Really? Yeah, it was so.
Friday night? They had to put both curtains up. No.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I was back there, and I'm like, you know, the only kind of name, except for Yamanika, was in town, so she did it. Oh, wow.
But I was just like, oh, I can't.

Speaker 2 I don't draw anymore.

Speaker 2 That's not true. I know it's not, but in my mind, I'm like, and people are like, dude, it's the holiday.
It's the holiday weekend. I know.
But it's like.

Speaker 2 And then when you're already in a state of depression, it just kind of piles on. You start thinking negatively.
It spirals. It spirals.
So I've been spiraling. Well, I thought

Speaker 2 this morning in the shower, because we talked last week, you asked me about my depression, and I want to give you some credit.

Speaker 2 You guys listened, and I got out what I needed to get out, and it made me feel really good.

Speaker 2 But I want you to be honest then

Speaker 2 about your depression, where you go when you get low.

Speaker 2 Because I didn't ask you back, you kind of let me just mouth vomit. That's fine.
Um, what do you mean, where do I go?

Speaker 2 Well, you asked me, inside myself, you said, Where do I go when I get really depressed? And I told you where I think I disappear to.

Speaker 2 Where do you go? I told you last week. I think I just, I get in a place of isolation.

Speaker 2 I don't want to talk to people. I need to be left alone, and I need to either exercise or go away.

Speaker 2 Like when you drive back from Palm Springs when you were sad,

Speaker 2 where are you?

Speaker 2 I start fantasizing about like

Speaker 2 where I could, like, ending it all. Not my life.
Like, where you. But I would end this whole pursuit of comedy and this dream.
Right. And then I would like sell all my assets.

Speaker 2 Retire, so I'm going to go to the bathroom. Retire, grab all my, and go to the, you know, like a town that no one knows me.
Where is this?

Speaker 2 What does it look like? I've always thought about like taking, like, having a bunch of, like, in a fishbowl, a bunch of, like, trailer parks

Speaker 2 what like trailer parks like oh oh

Speaker 2 yeah trailer and putting my hand in i go oh i guess i'm gonna live in like shreport louisiana for how long a year for my rest of my life no no no you got to keep doing that keep dipping in the fish maybe every year but i would get it go into a trailer park and just disappear wow yeah trailer park bobby yeah and then um

Speaker 2 i would look strange too what do you what would you look like el bottoms every day yeah yeah even in louisiana yeah i look like el cucuracha

Speaker 2 by the way love el Cucoracha. Yeah, I would do El Cocoracha.
Cookaracha with a

Speaker 2 wife beater? What are you wearing up top? A wife beater,

Speaker 2 but also I want definitely one of those El Madiachi guitars. Oh, yeah.
Are on my shoulder, right? Bell bottomed. A lot of like his like, you know, I would go to his style too.
Who, McCone? No,

Speaker 2 fancy. Oh, what? Shitty shirts? Yeah, like t-shirts with like, you know what I mean,

Speaker 2 red of people

Speaker 2 doing dancing.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And then I would probably wear,

Speaker 2 and this is probably not appropriate, but something with feathers. How is that not appropriate?

Speaker 2 What are you not allowed to like feathers? You know, people say it's cultural appropriation or whatever. How?

Speaker 2 You know what? I would do that, but with three flutters and a gigantic blood diamond on my forehead. Love.
You know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 2 not a polished one. No, just a raw blood diamond.
Right. And then it was like maybe blood from like

Speaker 2 a revolutionary

Speaker 2 on it or

Speaker 2 a smuggler. Shout out to

Speaker 2 South Africa. Yeah, yeah.
Just dried on there. You know what I mean? I would probably wear the football paint.
Oh, like war paint. No, not war paint, football paint.

Speaker 2 You know how sometimes they just put black? Yeah, do you know what that's for?

Speaker 2 Why? That's actually interesting. I'm surprised that football players are the only ones that wear that.
Yeah. Why aren't I, soccer players, could wear it too? Yeah.
I would do that.

Speaker 2 Reflection of the light of the sun. It helps.
That's right. Helps.

Speaker 2 Keep it out of your eyes. Make my eyes wider.
Let me see.

Speaker 2 If I wore that, because the sun's not.

Speaker 2 That's so funny.

Speaker 2 Blood diamond. You imagine all it takes for

Speaker 2 all it takes for Asians to have bigger eyes is just put on that black under the eyes. Yeah.
Whoa.

Speaker 5 They can use an extra fine sharpie.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 There he is.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
He only waits. Yeah.
He only waits for the jokes that he knows he can tell. Yeah, that's right.
If we ask him to do the joke, he can't think of it. That's right.

Speaker 2 But if one pops in his head, even if it's going to piss me off, he has to say it because he knows that it's kind of good. Kind of good.
Yeah. So let's get back on a happy track then.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is there something you're excited for at the end of the year or at the beginning of next year? No.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, what? There's nothing brewing for you? No. Nothing.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm excited about, I've lost 10 pounds, so I'm going to, I'm thinking, I'm excited about.

Speaker 2 Awesome. I watched the original Christmas episode like a few days ago.
It's wild how much smaller you look.

Speaker 2 That's like,

Speaker 2 you do look smaller. Everyone has commented.
Yeah. Literally, everyone.
And then, but when I get another 10, 15 pounds, I'm going to then go to the gym. Do my thing.

Speaker 2 Does your penis look better?

Speaker 2 no I'm serious when you lose some weight sometimes your dick looks better it's most of the weights from that oh my god yeah your dick lost 10 pounds five pounds five pounds wow definitely five pounds a day so let's get you fat again

Speaker 2 that's a bad idea

Speaker 2 it's so funny I went to the spa the other day and I saw a couple of really big dudes with like little micro dicks love

Speaker 2 they look like buttons you mean big as in fat or strong no they're just a button no no they're body were they fat or strong oh fat oh well fat's different they're huge right but they have a little Benjamin button there.

Speaker 2 That's why they got so fat. Yeah.
You have a tiny penis, you're going to eat your sadness away.

Speaker 2 I wonder how that happens. They have big hands.
Yeah, but they probably got fat because of their small dick, I just said. They got sad.

Speaker 2 They saw that little pecker and they thought, never going to use this. I might as well just eat away my feelings.
Wow. I like seeing a buff guy at the gym with a small little penis.
I love why.

Speaker 2 Because he's like, fucking object. And you're like, nah.
But that's why he's buff. I know, but that's overcompensated.
That's why regular guys like us have regular dicks. It's great.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We didn't win. We didn't didn't lose.
It's fine. Yeah.
It's fine. Yeah.
You know what our cocks are? Vanilla bean ice cream. Exactly.
French vanilla bean. It's good.
It's fine. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not the one that everybody wants, but it's fine. Yeah.
You know, and yours has a little bit of mango in it.

Speaker 2 We got a couple slices of it. Liche fruit.
Liche, liche. Liche fruit.
Yeah. Yeah.
It is funny.

Speaker 2 By the way, I just at the spa today, I went in the hot tub, and you know, you go naked in the men's spa. So you're naked in the hot tub, and a guy

Speaker 2 came out of the sauna and didn't know someone was in there because i'm sure he went in and no one was on that section it was kind of quiet today and he came out and he like saw me and panicked and grabbed one of the towels to cover up his little penis and then i had to pretend like i didn't see his little penis yeah because he stood right there and i kind of like are you naked looked the other way yeah you have to be yeah that so when i'm at the i took jules to the not jewels jesse to the whispa oh yeah We went to we spaw together.

Speaker 2 How was that? It was so fun. Yeah.
Yeah. She was a little scared.
Yeah, it's foreign. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But when I always notice, literally, yeah, I always noticed, though, there's like white dudes completely wearing like basketball shorts in the steam room.

Speaker 2 And then the Koreans and the blacks were like completely naked. Right.
Yeah. But there's always, why, why is that?

Speaker 2 Uh, why at the white meeting?

Speaker 2 Do you guys talk about that at the white meeting? We do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, and this is going to offend you, but we wear shorts because we don't want to sit on the same ground as you.

Speaker 2 We need some sort of cloth separation. Oh,

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Oh, it's because,

Speaker 2 oh, because you know what the thing is, when I go to the sea room, I put a towel down and I sit on that. That's not enough protection.
Not for us.

Speaker 2 Maybe it's psychological. Yeah.
It's mainly psychological. Well, it's like, you know, when you put down, right? You know, when put down, people put down those things on the toilet.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's not doing anything. Yeah.
But we need the reassurance. Can we create a company that makes those, but make them like thicker? The toilet seat cover? Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I think it's can we not have a fucking? There's got to be a substitute for that.

Speaker 2 But it has to be able to throw away. So how can it decompose? Because the thing is, is that when you, because I sat at the, I was at the airport when we're coming back, and I was pooping.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Emergency poo, and somebody had peed on the fucking seat. Seat.
Gross. So then you have to put nine layers of those things to absorb the pee so that it doesn't get on your.

Speaker 2 What if we just travel with one of those?

Speaker 2 I know. By the way, it's a neck pill.
There's a neck pillow. It's a neck pillow.

Speaker 2 Wow, yeah. That's interesting.
But there's still pee on the fucking,

Speaker 2 what do you call it? The seat. Yeah.
So you got to clean that. You have a P side and a butt side.
And you always have the P side down. You just always know which side is what.
It's by color. Right.

Speaker 2 I don't know. The P side will be yellow.

Speaker 2 That's a little too thick to walk around with. You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But we'll have a carry-all. We'll have a bag that's specifically designed for it that looks cool.

Speaker 2 See, you don't see women don't have that because you know, women sit down and they pee, right? I don't. No, she stands up.

Speaker 2 I know. What? She lifts one leg up like a dog.

Speaker 2 she hovers up on the seat and then i squat why because i don't lift

Speaker 2 wait a minute you really you don't stand on the seat you just hover no you physically she puts two feet on there like a fucking monkey

Speaker 2 you put your feet on the toilet seat yeah that's insane like a spider monkey dude

Speaker 2 why don't you just hover

Speaker 2 it's hard because i know a lot of women that hover hovering is a very normal they hold the walls yeah but what but what i'm saying is that if everyone just sat you're not going to get pee on the the seat.

Speaker 2 Correct. We have pee on the seat because people stand and pee on the seat.

Speaker 2 That's true. Well, how about this? How about this?

Speaker 2 Why is it

Speaker 2 you know, like the women do the hovering technique? You know, like this, this is like a constant thing.

Speaker 2 I like what you're thinking.

Speaker 2 What? What was it?

Speaker 2 I just know it's gonna be something enlightening.

Speaker 2 It's gonna be great. I love it.
Tell me. Why aren't women's toilets higher off the ground then?

Speaker 2 That That wasn't what I

Speaker 2 have to hover and crouch. Why can't they just, why don't they make a mechanism that like goes up to them? So they can just stand? Yeah.
Why don't they do that?

Speaker 2 Why do they have to hover over or this one? Oh, oh, so you stand and it's kind of like a thing that goes over here. Yes.
And you're just like,

Speaker 2 right? You hit a button. Woo! Yeah.
And it just cups. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. Why don't they do that? And they poop and you can walk.
So now you're in. Why don't they do that with us? We don't need that because we like to stand and pee.
It's like a nature.

Speaker 2 It's like a male nature. You know, I mean, for pooing.

Speaker 2 Oh, I don't. Well,

Speaker 2 extra tall toilet. See, this is what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 Can you poo like that? No, you can't poo like that. I'm doing, yeah, I've done that.
You pooed straight up. Oh, yeah.
Stiff as a board.

Speaker 2 It looks pretty messy. That's how we end the meetings.
Oh,

Speaker 2 I'll tell you that's your exit. No, but when I've camped, when I've gone camping, you lean against a rock and poop.
You never done that? No.

Speaker 2 Have you pooped in the ocean?

Speaker 2 God knows I know you have. I know you have.
Super hard. I know you've pooped in the ocean.
Yeah. Yeah, it's so gross.
It's so awesome. It's actually awesome.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I've never pooped in the ocean, but every time I pee in the ocean, I also stand up above water level so I'm not peeing underwater.

Speaker 2 Why? Because I don't want anything swimming inside my peppito.

Speaker 2 Speaking of the ocean. That's a real thing.
It's a real fear. And by the way, oh, this is what I was going to say too.
Looked up the statistic of this.

Speaker 2 Catching something like from a toilet seat like from sitting on it is literally impossible you'd have to have open wounds on your legs and there'd have to be fresh bacteria on the seat to catch anything from the toilet oh you can catch poo

Speaker 2 and i don't want poo i'm sorry you can catch poo and pee and i don't want that yeah but you just wipe it off it's

Speaker 2 on your off of my butt cheek no dude i don't want poo on my butt cheek before i sit down yeah yeah and by the way who's pooping on the toilet seat i've seen it this one that's hovering yeah yeah i've seen it the hover shit Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, but when I get in the bathroom, I take toilet paper. I wipe the seat anyway.
It's still dirty. How? How dirty? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 How dirty. No, seriously, how dirty.
No one is pooping. The only thing that's getting on there is other people's butts.
That's it.

Speaker 2 That's it. No one is lifting up and pooping on the seat.

Speaker 2 It doesn't happen. It will not happen.
It cannot happen.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I've seen poo on the seat before. Then maybe it's at where a place where young kids are and they're fucking their little shitty gross.
But most of the time

Speaker 2 in an adult atmosphere, there's nothing on the seat. Maybe a little bit of piss.
Yeah. A little bit of piss.
By the way, if you peeed in a toilet with shorts on, you feel it on your legs. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You pee in a urinal, you feel it all over your legs. I just think that the God should have made it different.

Speaker 2 Our body is different. Well, where would you put it? I put the butthole in the bottom of my foot.
You've said this before. I said it's a great idea.

Speaker 2 And where do you pee from? Your fingers? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can get it away from you. You could shit and pee at the same, like, shh,

Speaker 2 yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Just your. Yeah.

Speaker 2 dude, imagine. This would be great.
Yeah. That's why if someone's pissing you.
But then you'd sit down and you have to wipe like this, though. That's not bad.
Yeah, that's not bad.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, or you do, or we just create a mechanism.
You know, like at a bar, you know how they flip a glass upside down and they have a washer.

Speaker 2 Water sprays up. You have that for your foot.
That's fucking great.

Speaker 2 That's great, dude. Don't have to wipe ever again.
Unless somebody has a foot fetish. That'd be weird, maybe.
Not really.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, that would be weird. Well, I would gaze.

Speaker 2 Foot fucker. You foot fucker.
That's a new. Look at these foot fuckers over there.

Speaker 2 Look at that foot fucker there, dude. Fucker.

Speaker 2 I'm not going near those foot fuckers. Yeah, yeah.
You kidding me? Yeah. Yeah, well, a foot fucker.
Would you fuck the foot? I would. Yeah, yeah, I'd foot.
I love feet. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know I like feet. Yeah.
I love a good foot. Something about it on the internet.
When you see a good foot, you're like,

Speaker 2 that's sexy. A shoe salesman for a women's department has to be a girl then, probably.
Otherwise, you're a perv. Yeah, you're just grabbing the foot.
You know what I mean? Taking the sock off.

Speaker 2 What's the same thing with gynecologists? And I found out that there's male gynecologists. You're like, what? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You've never had a male doctor that... No.

Speaker 2 Wouldn't you be so uncomfortable?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but Attica Lai's is a man,

Speaker 2 I think. Interesting.
Interesting. Interesting, interesting, interesting.
Wait, it is her gynecologist. Fewer than half practicing OBGUINs are men.
Fewer than half. Still too many.
Still too many.

Speaker 2 I love when people, like kids, would be like, I want to be a gynecologist. It's like, really? Yeah, it'd be take away all the fun.
Not just that. It's like, you know,

Speaker 2 you have the fucking like Judy Dench vagina.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah, but it's a dame. I know, but you know what I mean? Like, it's like,

Speaker 2 do you mean? I do. A variety of different.
It's too many. Yeah.
And you get to see the worst, the best and the worst. The worst.
Best and the worst. Yeah.
Yeah, you don't want to see it all the time.

Speaker 2 It's like when you work at McDonald's, you lose the taste of the food. You don't want to work in the firework factory.
You just want to buy them. Yeah.
Interesting. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, boy, do I like buying them. I love buying them.
Yeah. I want to say this: for Christmas this year, I want one thing from you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Happiness next year. No, no, no.
I want you to be happy next year. And I'm going to work tirelessly on making you happy.
I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I'm going to do it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to find a way. I'm going to find a way.

Speaker 2 I promise. I will find a way.
Where there's a will, there is a way.

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes. Look at me.

Speaker 2 I'm going to find a way. I promise.
Thank you. What do you want for Christmas, Jules?

Speaker 2 You're in luck. We got a gift for you.
What? Bring out the gifts. Yeah, I want the gifts.
Yeah, we definitely want the gifts. Oh, wow.
Look at this. Wow.
Don't open them all at once. Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Tell me what to do. Okay, he says this is not worth a lot, but I'm going to love it.

Speaker 2 No, he said it was priceless. Priceless.
Whoa.

Speaker 2 I'll give you my genuine response. All right, hold on one second.
This one starts. Well, let Fancy start.
Get his out of the way. No, no, no, no.
Fancy's last.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right, Bob, you go first.
I go first. Okay.
No, stop. Jules, go first.

Speaker 5 Yeah, I should go this way.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 Ski? One ski.

Speaker 2 Jules is kind of a throwback. What is it? Oh, a katana.
Whoa. Whoa.

Speaker 2 Whoa. Is it plastic? No, it's real.
It's the $500 million one. Yeah.
Whoa.

Speaker 2 That is so dope. That's so cool.
Thank you, Makoon. This is so dope, dude.
Wow. Wow.
I'm actually impressed. That's a pretty cool one.
That's cool. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Whoa, dude. Be careful with this.
That's not a real. Yeah, it's a knife.
It's not steel, though. Put your hand out and feel it.
Let me see. Hand right there.
No, no, no. I don't want to do that.

Speaker 2 Just once. No, dude.
Okay.

Speaker 2 No, it's not. It's wood.
It's wood.

Speaker 2 All right. Let me let me do mine.

Speaker 5 Oh, I got some stuff for cubby.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 Salmon skins.

Speaker 2 Oh, for the dog. Wow, for the dog.
For the dog. And it's a little Christmas sweater.

Speaker 2 Yay, thank you, dude. Honestly, thank you.
And by the way, you know who else likes salmon skins? Rudy.

Speaker 2 My little salmon skin girl. Can you really eat this? You can.
Go ahead. No, it's for the dogs.
What do you mean? It's just salmon skin. I don't want her to eat it, dude.
I want her to eat it.

Speaker 2 All right, mine, mine, mine, mine. Mine, mine, mine, mine.
Yours, yours, yours.

Speaker 2 Let's see it. Oh, I know what this is.

Speaker 2 You're so crazy. You have a best of Bobby Lee.
I made that.

Speaker 2 You made this? Yeah. No.
No way.

Speaker 2 That's cool. How'd you find these on YouTube?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I scrubbed through a bunch of YouTube, a bunch of red, and I downloaded as much as I could, and I cut together like a 73-minute compilation.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow, dude.
And I burned it onto a Blu-ray.

Speaker 5 So you could play that on any of your gaming devices that has a disc reader.

Speaker 2 I do, yeah. I can read.
I see it. Do you know what's incredible about this? What? The effort he he put into your gift versus literally Express.
Anybody else? Yeah. He went to Petco

Speaker 2 for you. Petco? Yeah, yeah.
Target, my guy. Target, yeah, my guy.
Give me that. Let me see it.
That is incredible. This is incredible.
Wow. Craft and heart.

Speaker 5 I will say it. This is based on the first season DVD release on Mad TV.

Speaker 2 American comedy icon Bobby Lee finally gets the home media release he deserves. See all his greatest sketches, at least all the ones I could find on the internet.

Speaker 2 For some reason, this fucking show isn't streaming anywhere. A collection so funny, it will have your whole family shouting, uh-oh, hot dog.
Merry Christmas 2024 from McCone. It's a real Blu-ray.

Speaker 2 It should work on any gaming device with a disclaimer Blu-ray player. Runtime is 73 minutes.
Wow. 73 minutes? Huh? That's how much footage is out there.

Speaker 5 I mean, there's even more that I cut out. Like, if you were like the lead of a sketch, I cut it.

Speaker 2 Wow, dude. That's incredible, dude.
it's an extremely thoughtful gift it really is i got nothing you got nothing and and and i i pay you i pay you yeah i give you something you're hard to give

Speaker 2 you're so hard it's so i'm insulting for you dude you built this yeah you built you could have built me something

Speaker 5 that is a beautiful gift it's incredible all right fancy open up your gift uh and so i want fancy to be able to appreciate some real cinema so

Speaker 2 I also got Fancy a best of Bobby,

Speaker 2 which is what I've always wanted. That is what you've always wanted.
But I don't have enough of Bobby. So you burned it twice.

Speaker 5 No, I actually just made the cover twice. There's not a real one in there.

Speaker 2 Couldn't afford a second disc?

Speaker 5 No, that's actually an SNL, the best of Chris Farley disc, which is way better.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 You're a piece of shit. That's mean.

Speaker 2 Take it back right now. No, no, no, no.
No, I think it's not Bobby.

Speaker 2 It's true. It's true.
Is it? Is it, though? Real good. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Is it true? It's true. How?

Speaker 2 Anyway, thank you, McConnell. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, McCone.
Thank you so much. That was nice.

Speaker 2 My dog will love this.

Speaker 2 We gave you a career, so happy. Merry Christmas.

Speaker 2 Before we go, I want to recommend something to our listeners. Please.

Speaker 2 So I've been, you know, you've ever heard of Sirius the Podcast? No. Anyway,

Speaker 2 you have. Sirius? I don't know.
No. Is it called Sirius or

Speaker 2 Serial? Serial. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's serious.

Speaker 2 Are you serious? No, no. Cereal, the podcast.
Yeah, cereal. There's a new one called The Good Whale.
The Good Whale. Yeah, and it's...

Speaker 2 I try to bring up the last podcast.

Speaker 2 I brought up Keiko. Mm-hmm.
Right. But then we didn't riff on it.
But

Speaker 2 it really is

Speaker 2 an enlightening little podcast. What is it about? So have you ever seen Free Willie? The movie? Yeah.
Yeah. You did? Yeah, of course.
So when they found a whale to play Willie. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was this whale in Mexico. Hard to cast.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was a Mexican whale. Yeah, I want to be free Willie, eh?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. You would think if they got a whale to jump, it would have been a black whale.
Right.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 so then when

Speaker 2 the movie comes out, it becomes a hit, and all the kids are like, where is this whale? And they're like, it's in this tiny little pool.

Speaker 2 It's

Speaker 2 malnutrition. Malnourished, yeah.
I mean, you know, I don't know what the conditions were.

Speaker 2 Gross. I mean, they weren't the best.
It's awful. Right.

Speaker 2 So they, so the whole, pretty much every, every, everyone on the planet that had something to do with whales, they go, we want to try to free him. But he's been in captivity since he was a kid.
Baby.

Speaker 2 This is real free Willie. Yeah.
Yeah. So they ship the they build a completely big facility in Oregon.
This high-tech facility. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So they build his muscles and they try to train him in terms of how to catch fish, how to dive, you know what I mean? All that stuff. And then after a couple of years, they bring him to

Speaker 2 Iceland where they found the baby to release him. But they put him in a little bay first.
And it's this voyage out into the real sea. And wow.
And you, well, you don't see it, you hear it.

Speaker 2 It's a problem. It's five episodes.
I listen to all of it, and it's really just, you know, it melts your heart. Beautiful.
Yeah, yeah. Did it live? Because a lot of times.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 I don't know if we should give that away. Well, we did.
It's great. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's what makes me so mad about this document. That's why I want people to listen to it.
So when people go, what the fuck? I don't go, fuck you, too. I suck you.
You know what I mean? That's on you.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Was that live? Because when they re-acclimate. He came close, though.
Not really. No, what happened? Can I just tell, since we just gave it away? Was he killed by another killer whale?

Speaker 2 No, what happened was, it's so sad because it's like...

Speaker 2 All these, you know, all his trainers and all the people that work for this organization, they got to a point where they, because he was so reliant on humans that even if he saw a boat he would just come up to the boat and and say hi so that what all these people would do would they would have to hide so all of a sudden now keiko's alone oh and he doesn't know what to do so they open up the bay and then they see you know sometimes these killer waves have these parties

Speaker 2 i've been to one

Speaker 2 i know in the white yeah yeah yeah yeah but they're half black too We're okay with that. Okay.

Speaker 2 All right. Depends on how that is.
So they have these parties and like Keiko would watch from a distance. He's in the ocean and they're all communicating, having fun.

Speaker 2 And Keiko's just like, I don't know what to do. Right.

Speaker 2 So one day Keiko just,

Speaker 2 because

Speaker 2 his trainers are hiding, he just starts going into the ocean by himself, traveling thousands of miles

Speaker 2 by himself. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And then one day in Norway, this little kid and his Norwegian family, were on their boat and Keiko pops his head up. He would travel thousands of miles.
Wow.

Speaker 2 And they're like, like, whoa, this killer whale is so nice. And he would just follow them around because he's just, you know what I mean? He's so lonely.

Speaker 2 And then,

Speaker 2 and at nights, the family could hear Keiko outside.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Like, where are you? You know what I mean? I know, it's so sad.

Speaker 2 Right. And then

Speaker 2 he dies.

Speaker 2 He dies. He dies.
He dies. It's so sad.
It's so sad. But that's the circle of life.
It's not. That's not the circle of life.
You know what? Here's what it it is.

Speaker 2 They shouldn't have done in the first place. Killer whales, right?

Speaker 2 They're so attached to their mothers. In fact, right?

Speaker 2 Killer whale mothers, right? Even when their son is fully grown, they'll rip up a piece of fish and then leave some for the kid. That's how attached they are.
Right. Right.

Speaker 2 And it's like, and they're called pods, or that's your family. And they know each other for all their lives, right? And they have their own language.
They know how to communicate.

Speaker 2 Keiko doesn't know any of that shit. So, of course, Keiko wasn't going to survive based on all that.
I mean, this is like ripping away their core instincts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like you should not. I mean, she worlds should not exist.
Any of these things should not exist. I agree.
Yeah. You do? What about zoos? I think zoos are bullshit.
Bullshit. Bullshit.

Speaker 2 It's Auschwitz for animals. 100%.
You know what I mean? 100%. What are you laughing at?

Speaker 2 You know what? You seem like a guy that captures them.

Speaker 5 I like the alliteration of Auschwitz for animals. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 And whenever you see these animals, it's just like they don't know what's going on. Well, it's also, I don't care how kept the zoo is,

Speaker 2 it's always awful. It always looks like shit.
They look like they're bummed. That's why there's always sorts of wild shit that happens at a zoo because they just don't want to be there.

Speaker 2 They don't want to fucking live like they know in their gut they're not supposed to be there. And they look sad every fucking time you go.
It's the worst. But also,

Speaker 2 when they brought Keiko to the new

Speaker 2 tank that they built in Oregon, they built half of the tank where it's see-through. And reporters and people from the town would visit.

Speaker 2 And Keiko would always come by and just sit there and just say hi to these humans like you know what I mean and play with them he was raised by humans yeah he just loved humans and all of a sudden we're like nah you know what I mean it's like it's it's insane he doesn't is a guy or a girl Keiko it's a boy really maybe man up his name wait what make change his name Keiko yeah that was probably why he

Speaker 2 didn't make it anyway I mean Merry Christmas to everybody Merry Christmas to almost everybody yeah thank thank you for being almost everybody. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Don't go Keiko on us.

Speaker 2 Honestly, can I tell you something? If you're going to land a joke to close the show,

Speaker 2 it's got to be seamless. I mean, she said don't four times.
Have you gotten worse at speaking English?

Speaker 2 Don't, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't be keko. It's almost like since you became a citizen, you're shittier at getting it out.

Speaker 2 Jules, wish everyone a happy Christmas. Go ahead.

Speaker 3 Merry Christmas, and thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 God bless. We end with that Christmas song.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, this is our bad friend's Christmas song that we wrote together.
We did? Yeah, you remember this? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Christmas here.

Speaker 2 You are here.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 You know it. Be with your family.
Don't have tears. Christmas, Christmas, Christmas.

Speaker 2 Black friends, Mexican friends all around the fireplace.

Speaker 2 Christmas, Christmas.

Speaker 2 And the little little ones we called children and the dwarves.

Speaker 2 Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, jolly candy, candy corns.

Speaker 2 Jules, your verse.

Speaker 2 Eggnocks and cinnamon crunch together.

Speaker 2 Christmas, Christmas.

Speaker 3 Oh, what a wonderful Christmas.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 Christmas, Christmas.

Speaker 2 A couple more lines.

Speaker 2 I love everyone.

Speaker 2 Christmas. Christmas.
Christmas.

Speaker 2 Go. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jingle. Jerry Christmas, Christmas.
Christmas. Dude, imagine if you walked into a lounge.
You heard this. This was a lounge act.
Christmas.

Speaker 2 You would sleep. You would sleep.

Speaker 2 Imagine being depressed on Christmas and walking into Hillback. Christmas, Christmas.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 That's so funny.

Speaker 2 Christmas, Christmas.