Rat Island

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Oh.

I'm running out of air.

I was already out.

I was already out.

Do it again, dude. Ready? Yeah yeah Well this is out This is out I had my eyes closed Cause I couldn I really liked it.
I really liked it. Let's do it one more time.

Ready?

Right, but I'm going to keep your eyes with it.

Wait, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Hold on.

Oh.

Oh.

Dude, we're like a barbershop quartet.

Yeah.

That was incredible.

Also, I heard you laugh in the middle of it, too. I know, because it sounded so beautiful to me.
You kept the tone. It was very good.
That was great. Well, welcome back.
Welcome back, Carter. And let me say something.
That's when you said, don't say welcome back again, because I think of welcome back. Welcome back.
Yeah, yeah. Number one, I want to say we got back from Australia.
And my sleep schedule is so wick. Yeah.
No, yesterday I woke up at five. Today I woke up at three.
You know what I mean? Carlos looks confused and dazed. Are you dazed? Yes.
Or confused? Both? Both. Yeah.
It's a great movie. Yeah, it was a great movie.
And I just. Kangaroo balls there? Yeah.
No. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Kangaroo ball.

Petrified.

Yeah.

I'm petrified holding them.

That's real?

Yeah.

They're heavy.

They're pretty heavy, yeah.

Sorry for fondling your kangaroo balls.

No, no, no.

It's what I like.

No, they're heavy because he...

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

We're getting it.

We're getting it. Yeah.
We're going to be doing that quite frequently on this podcast Oh and I brought this For the studio A boomerang I'll throw it to you But hey can you edit this so it looks like it comes back to me Yeah It works Let me see it Alright end over end Have you tried? No, I just knew it would work. It's the first time I've thrown it.
Oh, are you guys ready? Is there a way to throw it that'll come back? Right here. Really? If you throw it like that, then because it flattens out.
You know what it is, dude. You're such a know-it-all.
He does. He knows everything.
He knows everything. It drives me crazy.
Why'd you ask me then? Why do you ask me so many questions then if you don't want to know the answer? Because know I got the answer I know you got the answer this is gonna break something yeah look at McCona he's the most scared don't go hard because when I go like this it's gonna naturally go sideways you know that right oh my god stop stop that's it so what's your how's your sleeping insane it's terrible I can't believe you're doing spots i had a spot at midnight and i first time in my life canceled it saturday night i didn't do it one saturday i can't i told you that was a bad no no i went i thought yeah i went i went i went and you went monday i went monday yeah not tonight and tonight no no tonight tomorrow tomorrow yeah yeah um so what time you've been sleeping i've been trying to go to bed at

night but i stay awake till like 4 a.m and then i i still wake up at 9 a.m and then i am tired all day yeah yeah it's rough what about you i'm good i know you i knew you would be good i'm good because i did the exact pattern i told oh my god you're gonna drive me crazy that pattern oh my god Oh my god!

The funniest part is I literally said

when we fly to Sydney

He, he, this is what. I did the pattern.
Everyone that listening, this is what he does. This is what he does.
Okay. Yeah.
Because he's Mr. Know-It-All.
Okay. That's my new name.
Yeah, Mr. Know-It-All.
Right. But it's Mr.
N-O. Mr.
Know-It-All. Yeah, no.
Mr. Know-It-All.
And so Mr. Know-It-All, he obviously, we do a group meeting.
We do. When he has his little TED Talks, right? He goes, this is what we need to do.
They're TEDx's. Yeah, yeah.
So he says, all right, from Perth to Australia, right? Don't sleep at all. We were in the airport.
We were in Australia. Oh, yeah, Perth to Sydney.
Sorry. Okay.
That's another No-It-All thing you just said. You could have let it go.
You could have let it go, but you didn't. Dude, I'm Mr.
Know-it-all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
All right. That's my gift.
All right. So from Perk to Sydney, don't sleep it up, which is like a four and a half hour flight.
Four hours, yeah. What did I do? Slept the whole time.
The whole time. I stayed awake the whole time.
Because when he says something to do, I go the opposite. Smart.
I'm know-it-all's nemesis. Wait a minute.
Yeah. I'm Mr.
Know mr no no that's yeah yeah yeah that's what it is yeah right so i say no i slept the whole way smart yeah good for you and then like a fucking idiot you stayed up the entire flight home i did yeah 15 hours watch me watch me i said stay up on the first leg on the second leg eat the dinner and

then last as long as you can to match up with the la clock and go to bed because then it'll be nighttime then when you wake up it'll be noon in la when we wake up and get to la but it'll actually kind of be our sleep schedule we'll think it's like 10 9 or 10 a.m which i go that'll work perfectly i took i i was up during the meal i see him i watch across the aisle he's on his ipad and and you can hear him.

I can hear him laugh.

And then I go to bed, right? I wake up from bed feeling good, take a piss. He's still up, still on his iPad.
And I know he hasn't fallen asleep. Still giggling.
In the exact same position. Yeah.
Exact same position. Then I go back again.
I'm stretching a little bit. I'm thinking he probably is asleep now.
Wide awake wide awake wide awake not one hour of sleep on 15 hour flight and now what's happening i can't sleep i know see i told you so um oh you're right but i refuse right good for you right right you should i would rather and here's another thing i would rather you know what i'd rather this for you i like this i know you do and here's another thing that i did A, you know what? I'd rather this for you. I like this.
I know you do. And here's another thing that I did.
What long time ago, you and I went bowling. Yeah.
Right. And you try to teach me how to bowl.
That's right. Yeah.
And I refuse. That's right.
But then when we went to Sonny's birthday party. Yeah.
Right. Charles Melton taught me exactly what you taught me.
But I listened to what he said. Do you remember? Yeah.
Yeah. Right.
And I started bowling correctly. correctly right and i looked at you and i think you were a little upset by it yeah a little bit yeah yeah so it's like you know i really like if he teaches me something i refuse to listen but if it's like anybody else right with the same knowledge because he has all he's mr know-it-all right but i don't know why that is why is that you think uh because you resent the fact that I'm younger than you but no more than you he's talented too there's literally nothing you can't do we talked about it the other day I said can you name one thing you can't do and you couldn't that's not true I said he couldn't do that he can't beat me he can't beat me in ping pong.
How about this? I can't play piano and he's beautiful. Piano, ping pong.
Ping pong, I can beat you. Get a table.
Oh my God. Tennis? Tennis, we might be more evenly matched.
I was on the tennis team in high school. I know.
And that was 40 years ago. It doesn't matter.
I hadn't ridden a bike since I was in high school and we rode a bike in fucking Australia. There's no phrase that's, hey, it's just like tennis.
Once you learn, you never not learn. There is no tennis phrase.
Yes. It goes to tennis.
It's just like hitting a tennis ball. Yeah, yeah.
Once you know, you know. Once you know, you know.
Yeah, yeah. We did ride a beautiful bike around Rottnest Island and had a gorgeous day at Rottnest Island.
We did. Probably one of our best days.
What a roller coaster though. Incredible, right? Why? Well, because we kind of hyped it up the entire trip and Bobby kept pulling me aside and saying listen, I know everyone says they're the cutest animals on earth, but what if we get there and they don't like us? That's right.
And we got there and they were all just like looking for food. Because I'll tell you why.
Yeah. May I tell you why? Yeah.
My wisdom on this? Yeah. Okay.
Look at them right there. Oh my god.
They are cute. They're so cute.
They they're so cute they're so fucking cute so um edible by the way they look very edible yeah they look like porks they look like look they look like little andres yeah little andreses so here's a situation here guy my friend is is that i'll tell you how the quokkas came into my i told you right how yeah jim, yeah, Jim Jeffries. Jim Jeffries.
Right. Months ago, pulled me aside.
Mate, you gotta see the quokkas. Yeah.
He told me the island and everything, right? So I've been thinking and dreaming about quokkas a long time. I get that.
Yeah. And then when we got there, some fucking bloke, some Australian bloke, says to me, mate, you know why they call it rottenness island I go why and he goes because the first guy that went there right thought they were rats so in my mind I'm like oh they're not they're not as because what we see I thought they were like going to be real small like rats me too yeah right but then when I saw that.
Yep. Look at that.
You've taken a photo with one so beautifully. Oh, the joey's coming out.
Yeah, the little joey's coming out of the stomach. Dude, that was like magical.
In love. In love with that.
And that was like four hours into the trip. You got that.
Yeah, that was the last second. We were about to board the boat to go home.
Well, because I don't... You know, when people go crazy over celebrities...
Yeah, that's how I find it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go less crazy. I take a step back and I go, you know, I'm better than that, right? So there was a lot of quokka fawning.
A lot of fawning. Yeah, right.
So I'm like, nah, you know what? I'm pretty cool about this. But after like two or three hours, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? It's a fucking quokka.
Take a photo. Yeah, you were like three hours in.
You're like, I'm ready. I'm ready to take a fucking photo.
Yeah, yeah. No, but see, this is what I appreciate about you.
it's a fucking quokka take a photo yeah you were like three hours in you're like I'm ready I'm ready to take a fucking hour yeah yeah no but see this is what I appreciate about you you waited till you felt like it was time and guess what yeah that photo is proof that if you wait good things will come exactly because a lot of people got a lot of bad photos of them with quokkas not looking at them you on the other hand have a picture perfect picture with perfect quokka quokka quokka quokka because I had the little baby in the stomach one it was unbelievable it was really what an unbelievable so the proof is in the pudding kiddo if you wait good things will come you know don't call me kiddo anymore all right baby doll i think it's kind of funny we got um we got a lot of love down there in australia and we want to thank oh it was probably yeah go ahead sorry no no that's it I just want to say we want to thank our fans It was probably Go ahead I just want to say that I want to thank Cut me off again Probably There it is I want to thank all the fans from Down Under It was one of the best experiences we've ever had I mean it It was un was un-fucking-real. It was so cool.
It was so fun.

Life-changing.

Life-changing.

We had people come to the show that are actor friends of ours that came.

Oh, can we talk about that?

Sure.

You're not going to be mad?

What do I care?

You already made fun of me half of the trip about it.

I got mocked incessantly.

Even though, what did Andrew provide except for great recommendations for food and hangout spots and cool things to see? that's okay but make fun of me more it's fine well then i will not you're right i'd actually prefer it if you did if you did go ahead make fun of me well so um you asked me to close the shows i asked you to close the shows because i wasn't feeling good good that's fine and i 100 back that because you i'll do whatever usually we switch off And I said, will you end up closing some of these shows, please? Yeah, but I close except for the one. So.
Except for one what? One of the shows. So what, you didn't, wait a minute.
No, no, he's finished. You know what he's, he knows what I'm talking about.
Yeah, you know. You close every other show.
You know which one. So the close, the show, I just wanted to close one of the shows.
Interesting. This is so interesting what you're doing.
So interesting. What did I do? I wasn't there but I get the picture.
You get the picture, right? So there's one show where he goes, you know what, Bob? I'm going to close this particular one. I'm like, I thought I was going to close all of them.
Right? And then it was the show that it was Dakota Fanning, Sarah Smooch.

Smooch?

Friday and Slim.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Smook.

Right?

Sure.

Yeah, yeah.

Now, what I'm saying is that, so the one show that your celebrity friends are coming,

you're like, I want to close because I want to make it seem.

Well, they came to see me because they're not a fan of you.

See what you're doing right now? No, no, no. Oh, oh, oh, oh.
Yeah, see what you're doing right now no no oh i'm just being honest yeah you like the honesty now they all were like i don't really care about bobby i don't like his stuff yeah yeah so i said would you guys like me to go last right i'd prefer it yeah less okay but whatever no no i just want to tell you whatever the reason if you like, no, if you like this little truth game. I love the truth.
They all literally said, we're not fans of Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Both comedically, personally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I said, that's rude. That's my partner.
I love what you're doing. I love what you're doing right now.
Dude. These are their words.
Yeah, yeah, I know. I don't think.
They go, I don't like him as a stand-up. I don't think so.
Or as a podcaster. Yeah, I don't think so.
They go, we're not, that's just not our style. And I said, well, maybe I'll- What would it matter who went up first then? No, it doesn't matter.
They're going to see me anyway. They saw me anyway.
Because you hate it if I do too much time. You bitch about it every time.
So if I go second, then you're not going to complain to me. Right.
It was just an observation. I don't know if it's the truth.
But I'm giving you the truth. It could have been one show where you're like, here's the deal.
It could have been one show where it's like, you know what? I just feel like closing out the second show. No, no, no.
The truth really is. I thought, okay, if they're coming to see, I'm not going to have you get upset at me because I did too much time in the front.
So I was like, let me close the show so I don't hear it from you. Because every show we've ever done, if I do too much time and there's proof in the booth, you do get mad.
Okay. Are you going to be honest and say that that's true? That is the truth.
I hear backstage you going like this. He's doing too much time.
He's always doing too much time. Because these guys, they rat you out.
They rat you out. Let me tell you something.
You rat him out. I'm sorry.
What I'm saying is that... So your beef is not with me, pal.
It's with the rat. We call that rat.
Red eye. Red eye.
out. I'm sorry.
All right, what I'm saying is that. So your beef is not with me, pal.

I'll tell you.

It's with the rat.

The rat island.

We call that rat island. Rat island.

Rat island.

Okay, let me say.

First of all, right?

You rat fuckers, dude.

I don't want to do that.

Yeah, you both are.

You rat fuckers.

And number two, right?

Don't hide now, pal.

Right.

Don't hide.

Let me.

I'm going to say something to you.

Yeah.

Okay.

You're one of the best comics on.

First of all, cut it out. Let me finish.
Cut it out. Let me say, he's one of the best comics on planet earth.
Okay. No, listen, right.
We're playing in front of thousands and people, right? Do you know how hard it is? I'm blocking your face. Do you know how hard it is to follow this guy in any environment? We say the same thing.
We say the same thing about you. Okay.
Okay. My point my point is is that you know i mean i'm sorry that i at times don't want to work that hard okay i'm sorry okay i don't want to work that hard and number two right back now now you two rats right time out real fast real fast the truth is out there and I love the truth.
No, but let me stomp the truth real fast. Okay, good.
Two things. Real fast.
Real fast. One, clearly they never said that about you.
You know I'm joking. You know I'm joking.
I just ratted myself out? Yes. No, no.
I just said, listen to me. I just admitted that I do complain and now that was some fucking Jedi shit, dude.
That was on co-op. Don't do that.
He knows everything. He knows everything, dude.
Mr. Know-it-all.
Can I finish something? Yeah, yeah. Two things.
Go ahead. One, they never said it about you because you know that they're all in love with you.
I made that up as a joke. But two, to love- Who? Dakota Fanning them? All of them.
Of course they didn't. I know, but let me level this.
Let me level this. Okay.
To make this even more fair. That is true.
want to go second because i did i did not want you to get mad at me about the time and then to make both of these things together these guys will also tell you the rat fucking scumbag loser fuckheads that they'll tell you the exact same thing that i say about you when you're on stage verbatim i go i don't know why he doesn't go second he's crushing and i don't want to go after that. Do I not say that to you? So yes.

Okay.

So the same thing you say to them, I say to them about you as well.

Okay.

So.

All right.

So.

We're good.

We're good.

And who are we really mad at?

Yeah.

Them.

We're not good yet.

Okay.

I love this because my parents divorced when I was six, so I never got this.

So let me.

Now you're seeing it as an adult.

So let me just, you know, like go to the committee, okay? So McCone, all right? No, I had to burp. Yeah, McCone, look at me.
Why do you think he wanted to go second? Just in your opinion, you know what I mean? Your opinion, that only the second show on Melbourne. Don't look at me.
What are you doing? Dude, you're about to lie. I could could just see you did a swallow he wanted to look cool in front of his actor friends there it is carlos i think he wanted to show what a good comedian he was in front of his friends okay and yeah that's fine that's great yeah i told you what it was yeah i didn't want to hear it from you if i went long that's really i i did not want to hear your bullshit about you going because by the way I did 30 minutes because I wanted to do more time you wanted to give him the best version of the show oh fancy what are you doing what are you doing we were just sailing through this so here's the issue let that sink in I don't want it to

Yeah it's already

Just clean it off

Once you get HIV

You have it

Not anymore

I know but I haven't

Taken the cocktail yet

Well please do

Yeah so I just took

Some of HIV

A shot of it

He's walked into the

Porg

Right so yeah

So um

At least he's embraced it

You said

That's the best part

Of the show

No

Fancy

No

Yeah yeah

No no

Listen

If this is gonna be

About the truth

Thank you. At least he's embraced it.
You said that's the best part of the show. No.
Fancy.

No.

Listen, if this is going to be about the truth,

and if we're putting it on the table,

let's just do it.

Let's not like, you know, let's be cowboys.

Okay, so I told you my truth.

Yeah, and I believe you.

I genuinely, I just want to do a lot of time.

So I just heard your truth.

And you know what?

Nice, fancy.

Way to go.

So anyway, wow. What a great trip.
It was incredible. What a wonderful trip.
It was awesome. We saw kangaroos.
We did. Jess and I went for a long walk and saw some roos.
That was awesome. It was incredible.
And then in Auckland, Carlos went to a brothel, which I'm sure is...

Can you talk about it?

Yeah, of course.

We already talked about it.

Yeah, it was more independent.

Oh, less corporate.

Mom and pop.

Less corporate, yeah.

It was just in a hotel room and there was like a clothes barrier, like when you walked

into the left.

So there was someone else hooking up in there as well?

So she was like, go shower.

And so I went and showered, like I faked it a little bit. What do you mean you faked it? I had already showered.
I didn't do so. Like you just went in there and pretended to soap? Why wouldn't you just shower again? Just shower.
I didn't want to double soap it. Just too much.
Sorry? I didn't want to do soap. Double soap it is too much? Like you get extra clean? Yeah, what does that even fucking mean? I didn't want to do two soaps.
But it's not your body. It's your breath.
That's what they meant. You can't wash that in the shower.
You can't wash. Can we discuss that for a second? Okay.
There was no discussion. There's not anything that smells particularly like that.
That's why prostitutes don't kiss. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's why prostitutes don't kiss, yeah. Do you kiss them? kiss Do you kiss them? It's a level of You know what it is When you're in a port-a-potty You know what it is That's a mixture of poo Pee Generations When you're in skid right you kind of know what those smells are you know i mean people that are bo dirty you know i mean you know i mean yeah yeah etc etc i get that yeah right with his is a particular kind of skank pretty interesting yeah it stands that you don't know quite what it is right what is it it's like there's salami right but then there's also dirt but then there's also like you know i mean like you know vomit but it's like there's salami right but then there's also dirt but then there's also like you know i mean like you know vomit vomit yeah yeah but it's like it's from vaping and a bunch of it's a lot but it's like also here's another thing that you can do which is i think an x-men power you can project it from across the room that is like a power if you yeah yeah i i i i can literally I'll be walking around and go, oh, Carlos is here, before even I see you.
Whoa. I'll be real.
I. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I can literally walk in a room and go,

oh, Carlos is here before even I see you.

Whoa.

I'll be real.

I'll go, oh, Carlos.

I don't even have to look.

You're just there.

Does it leave a trail or something?

It's a projection.

I don't know.

It's weird.

It's like a funk.

What is it?

What is it? What is it?

I think it's because I don't eat enough.

Because you don't eat enough food?

Yeah.

So your stomach is eating itself?

Yeah.

That's bile.

Weird shit's happening. That's bile.
Bile. Well, every morning i throw up blood and stuff oh my god what are we going what are no no don't do that don't do that yeah yeah why i'm still alive though okay when's the last time you saw a doctor i'll see my dad in a couple days and i'll see what's up wait oh so your dad is your your doctor? Oh, yeah.
I just text him. And then...
You call him Dr. Dad? Dr.
Dad on NBC. Wait a minute.
Does he ever run blood work on you? No, he just like... You need blood work.
Do you ever run blood work on yourself? No. Have you ever...
I don't ever do that. You've never done that? No.
You honestly do that. Your age, you have to run blood work.
I mean, I've gotten STD tests. That tests that's not the same thing i'm talking about holistic your whole body needs to know like maybe you have allergies to something you can have some stuff going on that you don't know that's like what hot girl and i'm not even talking about your breath he's i'm talking about separately you should run blood work dude to know what i'm talking about your breath that's right that part i'm talking about what if he does blood work what if he does blood work and the results come back bad breath yeah yeah yeah even the blood is like even like when um like sometimes i'll say get me mints are you just trying to like make it easy but you so you haven't asked when we're doing shows do we ever say that when he says get me mints he means I go get royal me I'm trying not be rude right it's a message

he doesn't get it Yeah, get me gum Mints, right? And get me You know what I mean Toothpaste Mouthwash Right, yeah Everything, right? It's not for me I don't use it It's for you Okay Yeah, yeah, yeah So that's the hint I had a lot of mints in Australia. I always had some on me.

Okay.

I just have to see.

You won't believe this.

I saw him put a mint in his mouth and jump back.

Kill me.

Yeah.

Play this video of him coming on stage in Sydney.

This is Bobby coming on stage in Sydney.

Jesus Christ.

So crazy.

Oh my God.

Crazy. 8,500 people at this show? Yeah.
Wow, man. There was more people at that show than in the state of Nevada when it was admitted into the union in 1860.
It was almost a great moment. Do I get the Mr.
Know-It-All thing now, or is it passed to this fucking guy? That's a great thing. I think you've influenced them.
Yeah. That's basically baby Know-It-All.
Yeah. That's baby Know-It-All.
Baby Know-It-All. I don't even come up with shit like that.
That's insane. Because you know it all but you also know timing.
That's what it is. But he knows a lot.
Let me ask you, McCone. Do you know about Keiko? No.
Okay. Do you know about Keiko? What's the Nevada thing? What is this saying? i saw this in a video the other day when nevada was became a state in 1860 they had just over 6 000 people and i thought that's crazy there was more people in the audience i'm not gonna lie that is fucking amazing that's insane a state when it was formed influence influence yeah yeah yeah see how no no laws other Hey hey Yeah Hey Yeah Good boy He's learning Yeah Good boy You're actually But my kind of know-it-all Carlos is you right Yeah what's up bro What's up Those are a few things He doesn't know We know nothing Yeah Alright so let me ask you though Not to stick on this joke Do you go to see A dental hygienist though Oh my.
You can't just have, you don't. No.
Will you? I think it's will they. Choose.
That's very funny. Yeah, they will not.
I will do. Huh? I haven't been in, you know.
He has his picture up at the dentist's office. He banned Wanted Dead Wait a minute, so you won't go? I'll just do other things But wait, why won't you go see somebody? Because I'm healthy, I'm alive Are you afraid of a dentist? Is that what that is? No, I'm really not, I'm just lazy Like how my car is keyed This is tripping me out, when was the last time you went to a dentist for real maybe you went on to a teenager and you check this out in fucking 30 years yeah and you check it out what am i doing what who was that you're a dentist no no it's worse what every woman that makes I mean, just imagine.
That wasn't Kalilah. Oh, wow.
Wow. Shots fucking fired, dude.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good.
The frequency of dental visits depends on your individual circumstances. However, the ADA recommends, the American Dental Association recommends adults and children see the dentist every six months.
That's so dorky. No one does that.
I think that know does really yeah i go to dentists everyone in this room goes to the dentist you don't you don't ever i mean at the very least once a year is definitely what you should do i did tell jesse this but i did brush my teeth with sprite and adelaide yeah i forgot about that i said why sprite and he goes i don't know what fizz is He's just rubbing sugar on his teeth

Bro I said, why Sprite? And he goes, I don't know what fizz is.

He's just rubbing sugar on his teeth.

Bro.

Bro, dude.

That's the problem.

That is. Yeah, yeah.

I think we found it.

Yeah, we found the problem.

You're brushing your teeth with Sprite?

Yeah, yeah.

I was too lazy to go to the bathroom.

Just do it with Pop Rocks.

Those fizz do, dog.

Do you smell?

I mean, is there other smells in your body that you're not aware of or privy to? I don't know. I can't smell them.
I can't smell. You can smell.
But I can't smell like marijuana or anything like that. Yeah.
You dip and smell. You dip and smell? Yeah, yeah.
Like dip your finger in your butt and smell it? No, not the butt. No, no.
Don't start there. Yeah, don't start there.
No, but I'll go like this and do that. Yeah.
Have you done that? Yeah, of course. Yeah, yeah.
I want to see if I'm on track. Yeah.
I think we need to get this solved and I mean this because now I feel like it's dangerous. Are you really throwing up in the mornings? Oh, yeah.
Oh, buddy, come on. Blood? That's not good.
Oh, that's not good. Well, then stuff's going on.
It's like indigestion. It's a whole thing.
And Makone knows my pillows have blood on them when I wake up yeah macone you're not voicing this to us ever you're not going hey guys i think you should know this both for the sake of health and comedy i mean i feel like everybody who's like 10 years older than me i'm like oh they got it somewhat figured out no they don't they don't know they don't they got it no there is no such thing i did love all the music we made together though with the piano and going to say it right now, dude. Say it.
I told you backstage. Say it.
And I don't know if you really took this to heart, but I mean this. I said, man, it's incredible when you are freestyling on the piano and she's backing you up and just flowing with it.
It's extremely impressive. Maybe I'm a fucking underexposed person to that kind of style of music but it fucking blew my mind every night i would sit down when you would freestyle on the piano and you would just smooth come in i was i'm genuine being so genuine to you guys it's so impressive to me and maybe i'm don't know shit about music composure and composition and theory but it fucking was incredible i'm not basic chords really sure yeah i maybe but it was fucking gorgeous i do also have to say that the shows versus the shows we did in america a year a couple years ago were way tighter over there we were much tighter well we had 60 cities of practice i mean we found a groove we found a definitely groove with all of it.
It just seems faster, tighter, smoother.

And we've had some incredible people, fans, to help out in the show.

We had a woman who was able to squirt breast milk out of her mouth.

Into my mouth.

Out of her tit into your mouth.

Out of her mouth would be crazy.

Well, she'd drink it and spit it.

Like milk coming out your nose.

She squirted breast milk.

Into your mouth. And it's sour.
It doesn't taste like oat milk. Right.
What do you mean? Yes, it does not taste like oat milk. Or any milk that I've ever had.
It was like sour. It was a human milk.
Oh, it's human milk. Human milk.
And let's see it right here. Let's play a clip there.
Oh, my God. That's so much more than I remember.
That's insane, dude. Wow.
Wow. That's all breast milk.
That's all breast all breast milk now those babies are not going to go hungry that is so much and can i say something too probably one of the best breasts i've ever seen gorgeous you saw them right yeah i snuck back i mean they were a perfect breast and her husband approved we asked her yeah we said exactly we said she goes my talent is that i can squirt breast milk very far and that's us asking her husband i'm saying dude do you was this cool do you approve and he was thumbs up all day what show is that the show that dakota was at it was that was that yeah that was oh that was a magical show that's a magical show then sarah snook uh jake lacy oh jake lacy from um white lotus and i'm dying up here i'm dying up here that's how we yeah yeah butook who is Such an incredible actress I walked up to her and I just kind of grabbed her arms Such a big fan I have such a crush on her talent wise I think she's so talented I'm like god you're fucking Dakota oh my god She's the shit She's so not what you think you know what's funny is when you grow up in la and you meet people that grew up in la they're like actors that grew up here yeah i guess it's more you have a projection of an idea of who you think they are you do because you meet some kids that grew up here and they act and it's a thing and you know even though she moved here as a young kid she kind of grew up here but you see a lot of young actors because i I know a lot, that they play by the Hollywood rules, so they don't want to say the wrong thing, or they're just very in the middle about things. Political.
Political. Yeah.
She seemed to be, she reminded me more of a comic. She floats her own way.
She's like, cool. Doesn't give a fuck.
Just can accept. Yeah.
She loved the show. Yeah.
The show was wild. It's really nice to see people feel free and not feel like, because our show is fucking insane.
Like, you know, Sarah brought their 14 year old son. And when they came backstage, I was like, do you want him to see the show? Yeah.
And she was like, yeah, I mean, why not? Who cares? And they just saw Neil deGrasse Tyson play there. Yeah.
We played the same venue as rocket Neil deGrasse Tyson. And we were sucking on tit milk.
Rock and roll, dude. It was a great trip over.
The whole trip was good. There's only one part of it I didn't like.
Tell me. You know what it was.
McCone. Did you make me mad the whole show? show did you did i was i mad at you a little bit i was what was the anger about forgot i can tell you exactly what it is because it's a little bit of jealousy is what it was okay go ahead we played the clip on here of you walking out to sydney to all those fans great oh i knew it as soon as i saw bobby post that i knew, no, no.
It's not Mad at Bobby. I said to him, did you get us all coming out to the fucking crowd?

Wait, he didn't get you coming out?

No, no, no.

No.

No, there's got to...

That doesn't make...

He does not.

And you were re-watching it all day on your Instagram, and I just knew that he...

I wasn't upset at you.

I said to him, did you get everybody getting that shot? I got all of us going out. Is that what I asked you? I said, did you get me or Jesse going on stage to the big crowd? I don't want to fight you, Andrew.
What? Can I side with McComb for a second? Interesting. Interesting.
Interesting. Someone's trying to get under Mr.
Nodal tutelage, huh? What? Someone's trying to be Mr. Nodal for the show.
I mean, just a little thing. What is it? I did go up to him before the show, and I go, make sure you get me coming out.
Interesting. Okay.
That has no bearing in the back. That he would literally go, I should probably get everybody coming out.

Yeah, you're right. It's 8,500 seats.
Yeah, you're right. Yes.
You assume. If one of us said, hey, make sure you get this shot, why wouldn't your instinct go, I should get this for Jess? You were already on stage.
Correct. At that moment.
So he couldn't go back and forth. No, no, no.
He asked him before the show. Oh, I thought it was like water.
No, no, no. I was running up to run the cameras to get the back of everyone going because i have running second camera i i don't it's over to me and that will always lay inside of me as something that you disappointed me at and it turned me i was extremely upset i went to my hotel room and i said not happy doesn't care doesn't care almost a dollywood moment that day pretty close that wasn't why I was feeling that way but that that that Dollywood moment almost happened again yeah I had a day that was scary I needed I kept wanting to hang out with you so bad but I knew it would be best to just had to go to the gym I had to just walk away but McCone was a big sliver a big sl hand.
Ow. How do I get this out? Right.
I do have to say my relationship with McCone got better on the trip. Mm-hmm.
Because of that? No, not because of that. I feel like he was trying to...
He was trying. Yeah, I will say he...
He was trying. You're welcome.
Every one of my... Excuse me? That's me.
That's all me. I know what it is, dude.
That's all me molding and shaping the kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know what it is. And you know who didn't try on the trip at all? Who? Who didn't put any effort into the trip whatsoever? Carlos.
Yeah. Shout out to Carlos.
He worked very hard. Yeah, you killed it, Carlos.
You actually did a phenomenal job. Thank you.
I appreciate it. A phenomenal job.
Much better than we expected you to do.

You went above and beyond.

Fancy you didn't do shit.

You stayed back and caught up check.

Let's talk about the best hotels you think we stayed at.

I think the coolest one we stayed at was the W.

The W was good.

In Brisbane.

Yeah.

That hotel was wildly dope. But also my second was the Ritz-Carlton, the last night of...

Yeah. Was it Perth? What night? Perth.
Oh, the crown. The crown, I mean, yeah.
Oh, the crown, yeah. We had Nobu that night.
Incredible. Incredible.
A little Nobu dinner. Yeah.
And the kids never had Nobu, right? Never. You're welcome.
Didn't say thank you once. Didn't say thank you.
I'm grateful, really, huh? Did you say thank you? We said it a few times. do you remember give me the time he probably has it on camera i'll pull it up that dinner was amazing i love the lazy susan love a good lazy susan love a good lazy susan and we had a we had overall man every city did what we thought they were gonna do Nobody let us down Every city was amazing Every venue was great And let's be honest Can we be honest We thought One of the cities You We both were like What if this isn't that good Because of the venue Oh yeah Oh yeah And it turned out to be Fucking great Which Oh yeah that one We were both Oh I walked into that one you walked out oh here's another Memphis yeah you did say that yeah yeah here's another Memphis Tennessee just a tank yeah but it wasn't that show was incredible amazing amazing one of the best shows I think it did yeah yeah yeah I had a panic attack that day was that Brisbane Adelaide Adelaide wait tell that story yeah on the plane I had a panic attack and I was trying to like hold it together until i got to the hotel room so no one would know and right at the end over well when i got to the baggage claim bobby's like go get me some donuts so i'm like still trying to like hold my breathing together and i'm ordering these donuts and the lady's taking forever and shrimp's like come on i'm sorry no you didn't know and so i get the donuts and i get on the the thing and right when we park, Bobby's like, what's going on with you? And I was like, I think I'm having a panic attack.
Yeah, you were having a panic attack. And then he starts yelling to everyone, she's having a panic attack.
I was like, you're making it worse. Well, then I went back there and I go, are you really having a panic attack? I didn't know if he was joking.
And then you were just off. I just got to my hotel and tried to control my breathing, took a shower and calmed down.
It felt so bad and then the show was like transformative because it was like all i just could focus all my thinking just on the show and right form and and yeah that venue was great and yeah since we're being honest yeah since this is the honest show yeah when you get low you get low when i get low that's what i said i thought it could have been a royal when people get low, they get low. Oh, right, right.
No, when you get low, we can feel it. Yeah.
Right? And there's always like a 12-hour period where it's like we just know not to. But what happens to your mind there? Well, I have clinical depression, so I go into a deep, very dark, low hole.
Yeah. I disappear.
It's scary. Yeah.
I get really, i feel so bad for you well thank you no i'm being real i'm always like yeah going this oh my god i mean i can't imagine yeah i want to get you out of it we try to get you out of but then we don't even we don't say anything i think i don't think i said to you anything to you that day no you didn't yeah yeah but i would walk by your green room and just, hey. If I'm being honest, if we want to talk real shit.
Yeah. Yeah, I get fucking, I have depression.
I get extremely dark and low. I think the worst negative thoughts, I'm sure there's fans that have exactly what I have or, you know, they do this thing.
And I found my only solution is to not communicate with people because i just feel like i'll be mean or rude and sometimes i am that i just get snappy because i'm really low and i apologize if i am and i find that if i can go and exercise or just break away for a second and just kind of do my own little thing it helps me reset my bearings and then i can get back to it. And I've done it a few times with you guys, but that's just, unfortunately, I think it's a part of my chemicals.
I think it's a part of my fucking unfortunate DNA. I'm born with this awful, you know, I don't even know how to describe it.
It's awful. It sucks.
I'm not proud of it. I'm not, but it also is who I really am.
So I think if I service myself and I leave people alone, I can, I can figure it out. I found the tools for me to go, okay.
And you know what helped me? Shout out to, I'll tell you this. Shout out to the guy I met in the gym.
I didn't want to fucking talk to you. I absolutely didn't want to talk to you.
I was lifting weights. I had headphones in and he approached me multiple times to talk.
And I was being a little mean at first. I was like, what's up? I did that.
Oh, I've done that. Like, what, what, what, what? And then as soon as I dropped my internal guard, I thought, this guy's just a nice guy asking a question.
And then shout out to that guy. For some reason, it helped me get back to where I needed to go because I knew this was a test I don't know what you believe in I don't care if you believe in a god or a not or a universal energy this was 100% a test from the universe going watch this I was in the gym alone and it was like watch this and it put this guy in front of me and it was like you can either fucking be a fucking grump and be bummed and ruin someone else's part of the tour.

The other people you're performing.

Or you can take this guy as our little fucking tool.

And honestly, I felt great after that.

Like I, it's something in the universe gave me that guy.

I believe that to be like, look at this happy go lucky, sweet guy who just wanted to talk, chat, didn't know me, had no, like, it wasn't like a fan.

It was like just a guy wanting to chat about something. And I don't i wholeheartedly believe the universe was like deal with this because you got to cut it out and then it did it like re-triggered my i gotta be good for the other people on the show it's not fair it's not fair to your friends and performers and people who support you to bring your shit on other people you're saying what is this clip that you want to play? This is just Bobby throwing a sig back at Carlos.
After you threw one at him first. Yeah.
Right, so you threw one, then he just retaliated. But that seems fair.
Eye for an eye, smoke for a smoke. Leaves everyone blind.
Yeah, like the good old days. There's a resentment, you know, your behavior.
You keep bringing up resentment. There is, there is something there.

There has to be something there.

I think he loves you, but the bad breath is like, like venom.

Like it's taking over.

Maybe that's what it is, yeah.

Yeah, like it's not.

The bad breath has something to do with it.

It's not him.

It's morphing into its own thing.

Yeah.

It's like actualizing.

Yeah.

It's becoming itself.

Because he's changing, right?

Oh, 100%.

Carlos has, the change is there. I see it it it's the responsibility y'all gave me so we gave you too much no just the right amount for me to grow interesting um i will say this we had a little talk off camera people don't know we're working on uh right now we looked up our analytics and uh we i think are going to play a show in jolly old england we're working on right now.
We looked up our analytics and we, I think, are going to play a show in jolly old England. We're working on going to London for a show because our fans in the UK have said, why don't you guys come to us? The first country we went to outside of the US was, well, Canada, but we went to Australia and I think we owe it to our...
London friends. Our Londoner friends.
So we're working on that right now. But can we do this? Yeah.
Make a whole vacation out of it. I know, but the problem with the Australia trip is that there was just too much traveling.
I mean, what I would want is to be in Sydney for two or three extra days, two days, so we can travel around. I know we lose money that way.
No, that's fine. You mean London.
So when we go to London. No, when we go to London,

I don't want to be like flying in and flying out.

I want to spend two or three days.

I want to go to the Emirates and look at the arsenal.

I was just going to ask if we go there.

Yeah, yeah.

Can I say something about you?

Yeah.

She saw the Champions League game.

Did you see it over the highlights?

I watched the whole thing.

It started at noon.

I put it on my big TV and just watched it.

Wow.

Because that's the best way I can learn the players

is by watching them. And so I know.
What do you mean? Same thing. I would love to bond with you.
I know. This is your.
I love it. So let me ask you something about our bond, right? Yeah.
You saw. Did you do you love the team or? I love why I became an arsenal.
Why though? Why do you think? Well, it started to bond with Bobby. Why do you think it is that she likes to do? Why? Because of my passion.
Yeah. So that's where it started.
That's where it started. And it starts with- She wants your love.
So she loves what you love. Well, let's face it.
We don't, we love each other, but we don't have a lot to talk about. We went to a dinner together and they took our phones away and it was kind of hard for us.
That was a great day though. It was great.
Oh, so, so so, but we ran out. You were mad.
Oh, can we talk about that day? They took away your phone and you were at dinner without a phone. Yeah.
Yeah. I've never seen that in my entire, I'm not kidding.
In the 20 years I've known you, I've never seen you at a meal not on your phone. Yeah.
And if I liked Arsenal then it would have been different. Yeah.
So here's what happened. Okay.
We were going to go eat, go, and then you go, I don't want to have lunch. You said you guys go get lunch.
You said you guys go get lunch. Verbatim.
But then you were mad that we had lunch without you. Because you went to a fucking five-star restaurant.
Yeah. If I knew you were going to Michelin, I thought you were just going to grab a snack like we've been doing.
I didn't think you were going to go to a fucking sit down Michelin restaurant. I thought, hey, grab lunch.
We'll all just grab lunch and then we'll have a nice dinner. it was discovery so yeah we we couldn't find we looked and looked and look and then we found this place and then oh we stumbled into a michelin no literally we did yeah basically we walked by it we did because there's no sign there was no sign it was stumbled into a michelin restaurant yeah so then i got no we googled it there it is yeah we googled it actually literally I he I was looking for restaurants He goes no no no Just type in expensive restaurant Correct Then we found one So there was So we walked by And then you go I don't think It's here I think it's gone Yeah I go I think You know that fancy door That there's stairs going down Go down those stairs And go read on the side And check that door Yeah and she checked It was the restaurant Yeah gold flag And you had to ring a doorbell.
Yep. Right? Then we got buzzed in.
Yep. Walked down the stairs.
It was probably one of the best meals we had, I think. This was in Sydney, right? Yeah.
Do you remember the name of the place? The Gidley? Something like that. Yeah, the Gidley.
The Gidley. I think that's what it was called.
Yeah, yeah, the Gidley, I think. It's close to that.
Shout out to the Gidley in Sydney. It was incredible.
It is, mate. But they took our phones.
They put them in little... They go, here's something quirky we do here.
We'll take your phones, put it in back. I respect the fuck out of that.
That's what Chappelle does at his shows. Yeah, and we sat there and then we didn't...
Did we talk? We talked about comedy and the state of comedy, but that only lasts so long. Yeah.
But... We went into this store in Perth that was a sports vintage store, And there was some.
Oh, that's how I. And I saw one that I really liked.
It was like my fit. But I was like, I'm such a poser if I wear this.
I go, you teach me about Arsenal. Is that weird? Wow.
He said, are you serious? Yeah. And then so we educated her and she memorized a bunch of things.
And now you can wear the jacket, I think. I think I think you can wear the wear the jacket i really like them it's because it's like i get super into certain shows like mr wait wait why are you guys laughing no it's cute why because it's sweet there's something else look at carlos i don't i'm yeah i just thought it was nice no because you're so strict on people about wearing jerseys and making them afraid of being posers that she should have just been able to wear it.
Well, no, I will say Bobby's been nothing but like, I was afraid if I wanted to like this team, he would get mad because that's his thing. But he's been nothing but like, no.
Because it's something that no one ever wants to talk about with me. Ian Edwards? No, he's a Man U fan.
I can't believe you just said that. I love this.
She's doing it. But I really like it.
And I realized I've always wanted to get into a sport, but I never could know where to start. And it's like certain shows like Mr.
Robot and Arcane. I love them so much, but they end.
And it clicked. Sports, I get why people like them now.
They never end. They never end.
You get new people every year. New seasons.
So I'm really into this. The drama.
Right. I'm on season 40 of all my local sports teams.
Yeah. Except I don't like the cast on any of my sports teams.
Well, you switched to Arsenal. They're great.
Well, I don't like soccer, but that's is we just we both love sports individually but I just I'm not a soccer guy but I like that you like it I don't see how it's like basketball and American football together uh no I like because it moves so fast yeah I like fast paced scoring like you like basketball basketball's the best it's fast paced scoring yeah but they're bouncing around the field. It's whoa Yeah, that sounded yeah, yeah the reason why I like soccer is because um When you do score it's just that much more potent.
I was screaming alone in my living room Yeah, it is I just like to see black guys dunk. Okay, I like to Then Arsenal's one of the first teams to allow black people on their team.

Oh, then I definitely don't like them.

Are they really?

Yeah.

Were they really?

I didn't know that.

Yeah, dude, I'm on a deep dive.

It's awesome.

Wow, I didn't know that.

Wow, wow.

So they were the first team to have black players?

One of them.

I don't know if the first,

but they got some backlash for that.

Some blacklash.

A little bit of backlash from that.

So this is a photo here.

This is a photo of McCone in bed with...

Who is that?

That's my mom. Now, what are you doing in bed with...
Whoa. Where'd you get that? We got this from a fan.
A fan. Wow.
And I didn't ever find a good time to show you guys. Oh, I love that.
We literally got it the first day and I would pack it. Can I have that? Yeah, of course.
Well, can we just put it up at the studio here? I want it. Why can't we put it here? Please let me have it.
You may. My mom.
Yeah. I mean, you definitely have that photo.
Yeah, I was like, where'd they get that? I can print it up like that. Well, can we print out a real nice one? That looks like shit.
I want that one. Okay, we'll give you that one.
Yeah. Can I see it? Wait, let Andrew hold it.
I want to see his side by side. What do you guys think? What do you say? it close is it close

I hate you

I'm Bobby Mom

I love your mom

I love your mom too so much

I actually miss her

and

I'm coming out to Phoenix

can you

when are you going

line it up

can I plug some dates

yeah

I'm gonna

Sunnyvale

and Fort Worth

and Dallas

all next year

Colorado Springs

Rochester New York

ooh

I know I'm forgetting

it's not coming together. My tour, I'll post it, and my merch will be up too, jetskijohnson.com.
With the glasses? The glasses will always be up on Rainbow Optics, but my T-shirts, I finally got an online store that'll mail them out. So if you can't go to a live show where I'll always have merch, you can buy it online finally.
Wait, is it jetskijohnson.com? Is that up your merch? Yes. Right now, go look at it.
Let me pull it up. Also, by the way, to the Australian fans that asked us why the fuck we didn't bring merch, I'll tell you why.
We hunted for a way to bring you guys merch. Local companies, of course, is what we'd have to use because it would cost too much to ship merch in the United States.
And all the companies that we try to work with it just wasn't it wasn't going to work so that's why we just wasn't going to work out for us for you guys it wasn't cost effective or efficient for you guys to get good merch from us that we cared about to distribute to you so we have great merch all the time on the website so sorry we didn't bring anything with us but it just wasn't going to work can I ask you a Yeah. I got invited to a Thanksgiving with somebody.
Should I go, you think? Can you tell him? Michael Bay. Michael Bay.
Yeah. You're going to blow up that bathroom.
Yeah. Imagine the fucking whole table just explodes.
Lights on fire. You think I should go? I have no plans.
From a personal perspective? Do you want to come to my house?

Who's going to your house?

Nobody.

My cousin and a friend or two.

Yeah, maybe.

You come to my house.

Yeah, maybe.

But if the Michael Bay thing is real, I'll go there.

100%. Yeah.

I know your priorities.

Yeah, yeah.

Best friend, Michael Bay.

I just think that it would be like an interesting story.

Of course.

I assume.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, my assumption, the reason I didn't invite you to Thanksgiving, honestly, my assumption is you would not want to do that well you know it well can i say something to you have i not been showing up to places no you do i'm lately i've been making being very mindful about going to different places i agree when i get invited and i go but i'm saying i go to raves i don't whatever like we talked about inviting you yeah and my wife was like do you want to invite bob i said yeah but i don't think he would like this kind of thing because i don't know i you know traditionally i mean if you're gonna be anal then no i i am i'm sure well i'm gonna be a mess yeah yeah i don't want you at the house i'm going i'm going no go to michael base please now that i think about it i'm going you know so cranberry sauce on the ceiling yeah there's another thing that i've noticed is at the comedy store, people have been like, I had a waitress come up to me and go, have you been working out? I go, no. Why are you laughing? I'm saying the Ozemping is working.
And then Steph Tolove goes, oh, I see it now. Yeah.
Yeah. Stand up, stand up, for real.
Just stand up. You don't have to do anything else but stand up.
We can see it. It's an obvious difference.
Can you or no?

Yes.

Be honest.

We've said it every fucking day.

It used to protrude.

Wait a minute.

What did you say, Carlos?

You can't tell?

I can't tell.

So I see him every day.

You can totally tell.

You need to take more.

Oh my God.

What are you doing? See, that's what I'm saying.

He wants me to overdose on Ozempic.

No, don't do this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He wants me to die.

No, it's like weed. You can't overdose.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you literally can.
And also, let's stop plugging Ozempic. It's fucking Wegovi.
Wegovi, yeah, yeah. It's the other one.
Oh, okay. The amount of people that commented on my Instagram about you, they were let down because they thought you were on Ozempic, and so they were too.
Yeah. But now you're on Wegovi, and now people were like, fuck, I got to switch.
No, I'm still on, I black market ozempic too oh you do yeah bad boy yeah we go v i do both i do both i know the smeglitude but it is working everyone on tour has said that there was a few ladies that said that on tour i mean it was just true the truth is the truth i'm so hungry but don't eat i'm not yeah just don't. Bobby wants it because he wants to be, say it with me.

Hollywood.

Ripped.

Well, you want to be ripped.

Jacked, I think it was. Jacked.

Jacked.

Ripped and jacked.

What did you say in the van?

You'll see.

You'll see.

You'll see.

And that's the name of the special.

You'll see.

Be jacked.

Absolute jacked and ripped.

And you know what?

I think you're on your way.

I mean, you're definitely losing the weight.

Are you late night snacking? No look at me nothing not even like a not even like a kit kat or chippy well last night i um i went to shabu shabu was my first meal of the day of the day and then after the store andrea jinn goes let's go have dinner i I already ate. And she's like, just call.
So I went to Sunundang, right? And they had a couple of dumplings. That's nothing.
Yeah. And then I went to, dude, I've been going to Wii Spa every day.
It's been great. In fact, last night at Wii Spa, it's so interesting.
I'm in the fucking dry sauna, completely naked. And I sit like this.
That's how you're supposed to sit you know i mean i just gotta sit like this i lean like this you know and there's only a lot of black guys in there which i love like what's up bro what's up you gotta show off yeah and i do this i'm not afraid of my little guy right there's a two white dudes sitting there and and i was looking at him just like this i was looking at him like this and they were like what are you looking at man you guys yeah i'm looking right at you yeah and they go oh and i go what do you guys do i go we we're we're actors we just moved here from i forgot where you know i got them we talked a little bit about it's dry you know i mean and then later when i'm like done they come up to me they go you're Bobby Lee I can't believe I go why didn't you say that in the dry song yeah why'd you save that yeah you don't think it was the penis thing you think that I don't think so what do you think well they might have been threatened that's I mean but it's like why don't you can just say you're Bobby Lee right what's the problem here well because it's kind of hard to your cock is right there so they might want to save the excitement for when they don't see your cock oh what if I started getting hard that's why that'd be so funny dude you're Bobby you do get excited when people yeah I love you when's the last time you went to Wii Spa forever yeah it's been so long have you gone no I don't I love it though I want it though. I want to go back.
You want to go tonight? You're going every day? The Wii Spa? Yeah. I'm not going to that dry sauna with you.
Why? There's a women's department. There's a women's department.
Yeah, there's a section. It's like men and women.
You would go in your own section. Yeah.
What is it like? Walk me through it because I can't, I have no idea what it is. Can I ask you something? Yeah.
I'm not trying to start anything at all.

Yeah.

Are there trans people in the saunas?

No.

Okay.

That's a real... So there was a controversy at WeSpa.

Do you know the controversy?

No.

So WeSpa is...

See that photo right there?

They give you clothes, and so there's a co-ed area of the spa.

But there's no nudity.

There's no nudity.

There's a clay room, a salt room, and then we're fully clothed with other people,

and you steam out there and do your thing there.

You can meditate.

There's yoga.

There's a women's department too.

Anyway, the controversy was if you go to Wee Spa, there's kids. Sure.
Running around. There's a lot of in my section, little boys running around.
Not late at night, but yes. Even late at night.
Sometimes? Oh, yeah, yeah. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. Even late at night, you'll see a Korean kick on.
You know what I mean? Right? And you're trying to be cool. You know what I mean? You got to be to like you know me be cool you know but um you know you gotta be cool gotta be cool man so a couple years ago uh a man a woman a trans woman right who hasn't had the procedure sure went to the women's department uh-huh and there's little girls there right I think that's what happened right read and then yeah and then there was protest because they kicked up the guy the girl out a trans woman uh with presence of a nude individual with a penis most commonly believed as a trans woman the women's changing area of the spa the video went viral attracting significant attention from gender critical feminists also termed trans exclusionary oh turfs right and some media which led to protests and counter protests some media outlets initially questioned whether or not the alleged incident had been a hoax uh they reported uh again the transgender woman was charged with indecent exposure relating to the alleged incident after four women and one minor girl filed police reports in july uh suspect is awaiting trial on seven counts of exposure.
And finally, judge ruled that

the indecent exposure case

could proceed citing

the testimony of two witnesses

and the individual in question

had partial or full erection

for a duration of 30 to 60 minutes

during the incident.

That's a bummer.

It's a bummer to have a boner.

But that spa is phenomenal.

I mean,

if I could walk around there hard,

I would.

Yeah.

Imagine taking a fucking blue chew and then going to We Spa. But it's also a cultural thing it's a Korean establishment right that's right what yeah yes and they're like you know it's just a different culture and it was just like what else are they gonna do you're saying they you saying they're just in their in their removal of the if there's I mean because I know that there's always little girls and little boys right i'm talking about five six-year-old kids running around right and it's just a part of korean culture to bring your kids to a spa it's like you know yeah and i would do it if i was a father and um i don't know i just think that it's inappropriate it's it's hard for your kid to see someone else's penis this kid only sees my penis my kid sees my penis.
Yeah. But they're little girls, right? So he's in the women's department.
I know. You know what I mean? Do you remember the first time you saw your dad's penis, by the way? When I saw it or sucked it.
Okay. You should have did.
I remember the moment I see my dad's penis. I mean, what a bummer.
I almost grew up in a nudist colony. Did I ever tell you guys that? What? You almost did, so you didn't.
No, my dad wanted to take me to a nudist colony and my mom was like, I don't want the first penis she sees to be your penis. How old were you? I don't even remember it, but it had to have been after they were divorced, so probably around six to eight.
Seven, yeah. Wow, a nudist colony.
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Dude, we have to go to this.

There's a nudist, and look, it's a Korean woman on the photo.

Glen Eden Sun Club here in Southern California is the largest member-ist and resort club I am joining why? because dude clothes are so fucking dumb I know but look look at that photo to the left right? yeah those are what we're gonna be saying yeah I don't wanna grow up there fun fun fun like Clint Eastwood's dust dick hello partner you know what I mean just no no I'm retire here I don't want to I don't think you should grow up here I should retire I want to retire here okay I mean don't you hate laundry imagine never doing laundry again and every day waking up eating naked swimming naked hanging out naked not worrying about it you love the we spa naked in the sauna imagine if that's every day that's true and because you got a nice little cock who cares run around with it what's the difference and they do toys for tots that's great they do blood drives and this place is fantastic yeah and look at this they're plant-based you can go vegan there if you feel like it i'm in call us up call us there's just some things you can't do naked. When did clothes first start happening? Cavemen probably.
Well, I'm sure. I mean, before anything, clothes were probably for fucking warmth.
And protection. And protection.
And then it became about puritanical fucking ideologies of covering up parts of your body. Like shoes was probably the first thing.
Yeah. Yeah.
Look, they got the first shoe in Africa on there. Between 30,000

and 120,000 years ago.

Oh, just a small gap.

Between 30,000

and 120,000 years ago.

Early clothing was made

from animal skins

and fur and leaves and grass

and wrapped, draped,

tied around the body.

Clothing changed with wealth.

I mean, I just think like,

you know, there was a point

when nudity in the summer

was chill

and somebody didn't like it. Some small dicked weirdo was like, you know, there was a point when nudity in the summer was chill and somebody

didn't like it.

Some small dicked weirdo was like, we should cover up.

That's so funny.

That's probably exactly how it happened.

You know what I mean?

Some small dicked loser in the community was like, I don't like to see other guys' penises.

It's gross.

And everybody's like, what are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

Yeah.

Everyone has their penis out.

Yeah.

I think it's gross.

Yeah.

As soon as like Leroy moved into the...

Yeah.

Right. Right.
Right. Leroy.
As soon as L as leroy i don't like when jermaine comes over for dinner i don't like yeah your wife is like what is what's the problem yeah he's not my kind of guy yeah yeah some fucking huge guy moved into a community and then all these fucking insecure dudes were like we should wear we should wear clothing yeah clothing. Yeah.
I don't like that. I don't like that.
That's out. You know, I want to move into the village where the Changs live.
And by the way, that's how Hacienda started. Little community where they're like, that's where the Asians are.
That's where the whites are. That's where the black dudes are.
But do you think that if you had a time machine and you went back where cavemen were, right? And you were wearing modern clothes, they would freak out? They probably, well, they'd kill you on sight. Like I'm wearing like a FUBU tracksuit.
You don't own that, do you? I know, but I would buy one. Yeah.
Like a full FUBU tracksuit. Yeah, they might like it.
A fedora. Do you think they'd be like, whoo, whoo, whoo.
They'd kill you on sight. Oh, they would? Well, because you'd look like a future person.
Oh, yeah. Oh, space suit Like that If we show up Me, Donnell Yeah yeah You Who else? Me Doc Me, you, Doc, Donnell Yeah Donnell And just with full blown Identical Fubu tracksuits Fubu tracksuits They'd be excited at first Yeah yeah Because we'd look like we're like a group of aliens Yeah yeah Oh yeah we would And different colors too Imagine No A Korean and a redhead and black guys yeah no you know what i would do and we start rapping right imagine how happy they'd be to hear rap right because they would go yeah they would start going along yeah they would hear the rhythm yeah that'd be cool dude one of the cavemen starts fucking robotting and then they kill us and eat us.
And wear the clothes. Would you ever eat human? If you had to.
Or have you. If you had to.
Like that one movie, is it Alive? Alive, yeah, the soccer team. The soccer team, yeah.
Would you do it? I don't know what... I presume I would because I don't know

what extreme hunger is like.

What if you got into a plane accident

and you crashed in the Andes Mountains

but you still were taking your Ozempic

to curb your appetite for humans?

Like, you would just...

Oh, I would definitely do that.

You would just double down on it.

Oh, double down on it.

Then you're like,

well, I'm not that hungry.

Right.

And everyone's like,

how are you doing this?

Yeah.

Nothing.

All right. Anyway, thank you for doing this? Yeah.
Nothing. All right.

Anyway,

thank you for being a bad friend.

Great. Woo-hoo.
Yeah.

Woo-hoo.