Paper Airplanes Come & Steal Your Girl

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We're bad friends. Come here.
What? Somebody. Look at this.
I can't see what is that. Just come.
Please look at it. What is that? Oh, no.
Is that dip? Is that like a... What is this area right here, dude?

That's a croissant jelly type shit.

Look at this area right here.

I see it.

What is the white thing?

Taste it, McCone.

No, no, no, don't taste it.

But listen...

Paper?

Can you clean that?

Do we have those disinfectant rags?

This is insane, dude.

You clean his side? My side's like this? They don't't clean my side i just don't get it dirty like you do that's a big difference yo what are you doing bro i'm nervous just wipe it just wipe it you don't let it soak it doesn't soak what was that evil laugh do that evil laugh all right that's good i'm letting it soak it doesn't soak no you don't no you don't know how to soak it, dude. It's fine.
Let's go. I soak so good.
Mormons do. Some people do.
Mormons are the big soakers. Some people do.
Super soakers. Mormons are the super soakers of the world.
Yeah. And then what's a kid that goes underneath the bed and rocks the bed? What's his name? So they soak, right? Because they can't have movement.
So they stick the wiener in. They don't move it.
And then someone goes onto the bed and pushes it. The kid from the grudge.
Right. That's who it is.
I call it the kid from the grudge. See, look at this.
Shaking the bed in Mormon. It's something commonly done by Mormon teens expected to remain virgins.
It's called jump humping. Jump humping? So the guy gets onto the bed and moves the bed.
Last night, where were you? I was at home. I was at my friend's show.

I didn't feel good last night.

Oh, yeah?

Can't you tell?

I'm all clogged up.

My back is killing.

Love you, dude.

Okay.

Stop.

Now, I know I was supposed to go last night.

I texted Joe.

It was wild.

I texted Joe today.

I apologize.

Last night, I'm at the comedy store, and I see this sickly guy.

Not sickly.

Handsome.

Skinny.

You're not talented.

You mean in shape?

That's what I meant.

Yeah, like an in shape guy.

You're right.

You're right.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's resentment talking, I think.

Yeah, dude.

Put that away.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me put that aside.

Holster that.

Put that in the holster.

Yeah, yeah.

Because you're looking skinny lately.

How many people on tour commented that the Ozempic must be working because you look skinny? We heard it the whole trip. Jeremiah Watkins last night called me fatty.
He goes, what's up fatty? And I could not believe it. Yeah, but he's like paper.
He's like a wispy, thin guy. He attacked me.
Anyway. Why did he call you fatty? I don't know why.
Who started it? He did. He just came up to you and goes, hey, fatty.
Yeah. Wow.
It was incredible. And that Dr.
Phil stuff's going to his head, huh fatty i don't know why what who started it he did he just came up to you and goes hey fatty yeah wow it was incredible and that dr phil stuff's going to his head huh i think that's what it is tilc tilconee tilconee killtonia is that our version welcome back to tilconee tilconee and dr phil got to his head yeah anyway um so last night this guy comes up to me Morgan Is it Jay Morgan or what did happen You really think his You think Jay Morgan You've known him I know but I thought he switched it I've never heard anyone with a last name of Jay Jay Morgan all the time I don't know why that happened Because of two first first names yeah that's your fault my first and middle right what's your real last name venti cinque are you really venti cinque means uh 25 25 yeah no don't do that what's your real last name he doesn't know it is venti cinque no chance it's not venti cinque give me your id are we introducing me yet not yet no no we're just doing this right you let us take control the show venti cin right. Vente Cinque.
There's only one part of that last name I love. I can't believe this guy, Vente Cinque.
I can't believe this guy. Look, I swear.
This Vente Cinque comes into my house. Wow.
They won't even let me. Bro, he even has a hot driver's license.
Look how hot he is, dude. Dude, the smile.
He's hot in the photo. He's got a side.
He's side. Vente side and teaching he's doing one of these yeah i got your middle name i went to my first i went no no it's my always my middle name for morgan j morgan j morgan j morgan j venticinque 25 yeah 25 yeah it's a weird last name there's a whole weird story in sicily okay you're siciliano siciliano let's fuck Here you go.
Same, dude. And man, you are fucking hot.

Everyone else has to face forward when they take the picture, and they usually say, don't

smile.

He's so hot, they let him go sideways and smile.

Yeah.

You are a hot guy.

You're fucking sexy.

Morgan J is in the building.

Give it up for Morgan J.

I had an intro, man.

Yeah, it was taking too fucking long.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it was.

It was too long.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, can I just say what I'm going to say and then? Oh, yeah. Say what you want.
Let me say what I want to say. This is his favorite.
Let him do this. He hangs out with Benny Hops.
Little two eyes. Jimmy the cricket.
He knows Jimmy the cricket. How long you know Jimmy the Cricket How long you know Jimmy the Cricket Alright so So last night he comes up to me Nervous He goes I'm a little nervous About what He goes I wrote down questions No I wrote down talking points It's not quite I wrote in.
I wrote the in case. Sorry, go ahead.
I'm going to show you, Andrew. Every time you interrupt him, he's going to do the fucking thing.
That's it. That's the.
Let me see some of these questions. This is what I showed him.
All right. So some of the questions that he wrote down or some of the talking points.
Making this list because I feel like I'm not a good podcast guest. Did Whitney's podcast.
She never put it out. podcast we had to redo it I did I did I did Tiger Milf podcast she didn't put it out yeah Tiger oh the yours no not mine uh John uh John Yang oh Jayong Summers wait wait hers is called Tiger Milk Tiger Milf yeah she's your protege she called hers tiger milf yeah i don't fucking know i guess yeah i'm gonna get this okay all right so listen you did whitney's and she never put it out no no she never put it out but that's also because she could have taken the wrong pill that day and forgot to post then you had a colonoscopy on friday yeah and the drug they gave you felt good what was the michael jackson drug like propan and all pro oh oh pro uh prophenol right it was good that's good carlos don't not so can i just finish my intro real quick brother we're already there no i'm not there yet he says another thing that he says another thing what do i say i'm so nervous i'm with somebody right he gives me the list.
Who are you with? A comic? A young lady. Oh, a nice lady.
Then he goes, I didn't even ask. He goes, I got a visectomy.
Stop. Then he goes, I swear to God, he goes, you want to see it? Stop.
I was so nervous. I go, we're on the patio.
I go, I go. I didn't even ask.
I didn't even ask. You're the guy who shows his pubes to audiences.
And then, right, he go, do you want to see it?

Yeah.

And I go, we're in the patio, so there's people around.

What the fuck is your problem?

But he's the guy who shows his pubes to people on stage.

I thought it was- This makes sense.

It was like, I thought that was your energy.

This makes sense.

Oh, you can't match a-

You can't match, you can't match my energy.

You can't, what is this?

Okay, you can't match it. Did energy is my own frequency.
You can't match it. Did Ozempic shrink your hands? Look at your little finger.
I know, dude. When you went like this, it looked shy.
I know I have a little finger. I wasn't really going to do it, but I was nervous and I just was vomiting.
Can I see it? I do want to see it. A vasectomy? Yeah, can I? You really want to see it? I'd love to see it.
I don't want to see it. I'm not going to put it on camera, but I'd love to see it.
I don't want to see it. You got to see it.
I don't want to see it. I want to see it.
I refuse to see it. I got to see it.
Why'd you get a vasectomy? Yeah, can I? You really want to see it? I'd love to see it. We're not going to put it on camera, but I'd love to see it.
I don't want to see it. You got to see it.

I don't want to see it.

I want to see it.

I refuse to see it.

I got to see it.

Why'd you get a vasectomy?

Because you never want to have kids.

Okay.

Look, there's a scar right there.

Okay, you have nice testicles, dude.

There's one on the other side, too.

My dog.

My testicles are very pink.

You don't.

You don't.

You don't.

You.

You're real bald.

Well, I shave my balls.

You shave with a razor or with like a. You think he's fucking Italian?ian i shave with a razor most of us italians we don't shave our balls no i shave with a razor yeah you go down on women yeah italians don't do that neither we don't do that oh that was in us the sopranos right he didn't want to eat his that used to be a real faux pas for italian americans to go down on it was like you suck my you want to see it i just saw it you didn't see it i saw the pink sack all right nice color beautiful sack nice beautiful sack so i'm sorry dude no no i'm sorry wait let's back up you're 37 years old yeah and you got a vasectomy because you never want it you're like no kids ever are you married i i got a i got a serious partner i'm with okay right uh we're in an open thing.
And I'm dealing with something right now. Currently, we don't know for sure if this girl's lying or not about a pregnancy.
Oh, boy. That kind of put the fear of God in me.
Oh, boy. I just was like, you know, we got to change things.
What'd I tell you? No, what'd I tell you? No, you told me. What'd I tell you? I mean, you told me last night.
What the fuck I tell you? You don't fuck Ohio. You don't fuck girls in Ohio? You don't go Midwest yeah you gotta you told me you my isn't that where whitney's kid is from miami no but another texas another comic was like you gotta hook up can i have my phone back no okay another comic was saying like you can't hook up with girls in small towns if you're doing in a big city it's like oh i didn't tell you that oh yeah you told me that somebody told you yes wait a minute because if you do it in a small town, she'll probably have the kid.
No, it's just like, you're like, you're like the coolest thing to happen in that town. Uh-huh.
If you fuck a girl in Miami, she'll fuck a football player the next day, you know what I'm saying? Or before she fucks you. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, literally. Or you might be the appetizer, and then she...
But yeah, but me and my girl, we've already talked about how we don't want to have kids. You don't bag it? No, I do, I do.
My cum was nowhere near this person, so now I'm like, whoo. Oh, that's even...
What do you mean? What do you mean? He's saying the person that claimed pregnancy, there was no transactional jizz. Yeah.
No transactional. Well, sometimes I can redirect my jizz.
And they haven't... I really can.
Your jizz walks like an old Asian man with his hands behind his back, strumming through the street. and by the time break to smoke by the time by the time it comes out of your penis she's home sludge yeah she's already at home she's gone yeah yeah anyway um but yeah so i got and just out of an abundance of caution and also you know in the next four years are gonna be tough on women so i figured i'd get my nuts uh snipped up anyway all right because trump might take away because i did this before the election i did this in september you did this in september yeah You have cute bulgy eyes.
I'm not high, bro. No, right, because Trump might take away vasectomies.
I did this before the election. I did this in September.
You did?

I did this in September, yeah. You have cute bulgy eyes.

I'm not high, bro. No, but the bulging

I like. Oh, I brought you guys a gift.

Do you smoke weed in general or no?

I don't do anything anymore.

I'll have a drink for

special occasions, but outside of that. Good for you.

I know you guys get a bunch of free

shit all the time, and you guys

don't have to keep this. You can give it back to me if you want, but I wear beanies sometimes I have the LOL ha ha ha beanie This is fantastic I have these two lighters This one's for you Oh look at this Oh it's titties Yo this is great You sell these at your show? I got those I got those in Europe Thank you.
Yo, this is great. Oh.
You sell these at your show? It's Doc's penis.

I got those.

I got those in Europe. Thank you.

I got those on my phone.

I missed Doc.

And I just, you know, you can have it.

And then these are the What's Your Name Bro hat.

Let me see.

Oh, okay.

This is from your show.

This is from the show.

Wow.

So, I don't know.

You feel free to give it to somebody.

No, this is beautiful.

I'm going to wear this.

I rock this.

You know what's so funny?

Let's just hide the lighters so I don't have to block them for the whole episode. I'll go, okay.
You have to block that? Yeah. It's a...
You too. Go ahead.
Express yourself. Can you hit me a little song there? Do you want like inspirational piano music? Yeah.
Inspirational piano. Yeah.
Okay, let's see. No, I have another one.
No, we like that.

There are times on the podcast when I'm sick and tired of the Spaniard's bullshit.

Why can't we fire him?

Are we waiting for him to be deported?

He's worthless. A disgusting porg of a man.
Thank you. Great.
Thank you. Thank you.
Do you like my sound effects? I really like it. Thanks, man.
Very good. You know, usually sound effects don't get involved.
You know what I mean? But I thought this was the right time. Sometimes you got to.
I felt like very appropriate. Is this a song? Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God. Here we go.
Yeah. You turn this up.
Ooh. Let's go.
Yeah. The Bad Rays Podcast.
Why is Bobby Lee accusing me of being on drugs? Do you want to do some of this? Yeah. You want to try it out? Okay, you can try it out Just get it close to your mouth I know how it works What? Doesn't sound like it Yeah Now I know how it works Put away the other mic I know how it works Sick You little fucking Italian bastard Bulgy eyes, big teeth.
Just like a cartoon character from Disney. It's fun, isn't it? Morgan Gay You want to try it? You want to try it? Hold on, hold on.
Oh my God. You got to get closer, dude.
You got to get closer to it. You got to get closer to him.
Here we go. I never want to give it back.
Oh my God, he's killing it. You gotta get closer to him.
Here we go.

I never wanna give it back.

Oh my god, he's killing it.

Everything inside of me

not to lick your sack.

You got

a great sack for

you, Jay.

That's great. It's beautiful,

babe. There it is.

I'm sick of this

Asian next to me it's fun dude really fun real fun that's really fun all right so what i so what i said was to morgan before the show i said i said dude i love what you do yeah i said but you've also done a done a disservice to our comedy world because he's so good at this.

And so it's so wonderful.

I see people copy him online.

We're talking about people in other countries who are doing this now as standups trying to be him.

And they're fucking terrible.

There's a guy from Portugal doing it.

A guy from Germany doing it.

Russia.

These different countries are French. Stinks.
It's so weird. They're trying to do this thing, but it's so bad that it bums me out.
It's almost like you wish you could copyright your style. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah.
Because whenever somebody... If you're weird and you suck, but you're unique, I like you.
Yeah. I said that to him.
I like it. But if you're're weird but i know you're doing a impression of another guy can't fucking stand it but i mean you know some people accuse me of being like a kind of like a poor man's little dicky sometimes too i get that a lot you know like only because you're curly hair bro but we also do the auto-tune stuff and yeah but dave but dave is you know i've met him three times i feel like I botched the meeting every time.
You know what? Let's get to this.

Well, he's Jewish.

I want to get to this part of your personality.

Italians.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, that's a problem.

This part of your personality.

Why does it feel like I'm coming in here and I have to defend myself?

To me?

No, to him.

Like right across from you.

I feel like I got to defend myself.

He's always shooting.

The kid's shooting.

What is it?

I can't even.

I can't believe it.

I'm nervous, dude. Dude, this.
I can't even. Don't I make you feel comfortable? You've made me feel comfortable.
See? Why are you shooting so hard at him? I'm not shooting hard. I can't believe what's going on right now.
What's going on? I can't even believe it. I'm rattled.
Carlos called it. Thank you.
What is it? You get rattled when it's a hot guy. No, you don't.
Yes, he does, bro. Really? Yes, he always does.
Tell me me i'm lying i don't think he's hot you're so full of shit dude shut the fuck up that's insane you 100 that right there is a grave misjustice you wouldn't hook up with him right this right here is you wouldn't hook up diabolical in what context exactly schindler's list yeah he's not in a schindler's list context where i'm in a camp maybe yeah i mean but no other context mamastad maybe in an amistad contest we're in the bottom of on the boat that's on the boat we're rowing you're you're well you're not rowing what you're not rowing well i'm you know where i'm at you're in the you're in the cold room no i'm rowing but i'm at the strongman row team where i don't have to do much i just put my hand on the goal goal goal goal and i'm just kind of going you're keeping time yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you're doing the what's that you're doing that's the drum yeah that's not this is this isn't fury road okay you know me where i'm all right so i'd fuck you and fury on so what what did what did you want to what did you want to bring up yeah what was it it wasn't being aggressive dude it was just an an observation. I'm so sorry that maybe I do come across that way.
No, no, no. I'm projecting.
No, no. Let me change my attitude.
I think you're right. So let me start over.
All right, here we go. Yeah, go ahead.
Hey. What's up? What's up, man? What's going on? Thanks for doing it.
Oh, I'm so happy to hear it. I'm a big fan.
Really? Yeah. I just made a little observation if you want to hear it i would love to hear it yeah yeah it's just everything comes from a negative lens with you sometimes you know really yeah a little bit but you know do you you do you i'll be me and it's really good to see you man oh i like what you're doing out there i appreciate it man feel better i do yeah that is that better now yeah okay cool was that that was the feedback was that it that i have i thought you had a comment or something that i see like things as a negative no it's like you know because last night you're you know no offense if you know i love you you know but what no i'm talking hey man see that's what it is i think sam did you see that no and please back me No, no, no.
Andrew, please back me up. Okay, okay.
Please be real. Can I ask a question first? No.
Make a comment about my observation just now. He is excited to be here.
So nervous. Can I tell you something? You don't know this? You don't remember this? I think I know what it is.
What is it? It's the four-finger point. No, that's not that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Point with one finger.
Don't go with four because it's Because it's dominating No You go like Can I tell you something with four? I don't like it That's good I had two encounters with you That's two fingers now Two fingers fine So I Once was on In Venice It was on Abba Kinney And I saw you walking down the street This was like a year or two ago When I wasn't Having the blow up, right? And I go Oh, Bobby Lee, what's up? You know, my buddy Mark Smalls He plays games with you and And you were like, are you a funny guy? Are you funny? Are you funny? You were like, you were like, does that sound like me? That sounds exactly like me. Are you funny? And you like grabbed me a little bit and like tussled me and I kept walking.
And I was like, okay. And then the second time I was at the improv.
I can't believe this. And then the second time.
This is unbelievable. This is unbelievable.
I can't believe this. The second time.
was at the improv. I can't believe this.
This is unbelievable.

This is unbelievable.

I can't believe this. The second time.

Wow, continue, friend.

It was at the improv.

And I was so excited because we were in the same lineup.

And he was coming in the green room.

And he goes, oh, my God, you're so talented.

Do you fuck a lot when you're on the road?

Like, that was exactly how quick it came.

So it was like very quick, like, boom.

And I was like, oh, shit.

And I really wanted to, like, I don't know what, you know, it was like, I wanted to give you the right answer.

I'm Morgan and say that exactly what he said. I'll walk in the room and do it.
Let me, oh yeah, walk in the room and let me say that. You're sexy as fuck.
You fuck, no. Oh, you're doing great.
I like your shit on the road. You fuck a lot on the road.
Yeah, yeah. All right, ready? Oh, my God.
You're so talented. No, I'm me.
No, I'm you. You're me.
Oh. All right.
Hold on. I'm not done.
I got to be you. Go back up.
Back up for a second. I got to be you real quick.
Get those eyes open. I got to get my...
White eyes. White eyes.
There you go.

All right, go ahead.

Oh, my God.

You're so talented.

Oh, thank you.

I do auto-tune.

Oh, man.

The sheer disrespect.

I do a lot of auto-tune.

That's why...

And I've seen how Bobby is...

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, do it over.
Do it again. No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah. Because I have another line.
I want to go. Let me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You need the mic.
Anyway. But you did say that to him for sure.
That sounds. No, because people make exaggerations about my encounters with them.
I'm being real you think you're bill murray

or some shit or what isn't it bill murray he does that no what i'm saying is people go oh i met bobby lee he did this i never did that yeah i mean so it's like i don't know i don't remember those instances that's how i remember it but yeah i remember probably different yeah and that's the thing about storytelling yeah that's the thing about you know you ever see the movie roshamon yeah Rashomon

you know what I mean

is that Rashomon

where it's like

it's four people three people telling the story of one thing yeah from their all their different points of views yeah okay so in this roshamon context right my point of view is this i saw you in vet in in on venice abikini yeah right and I go

oh he's cool

and I go

how's comedy going

that's how I remember it

and then

in the improv

this is how I view it

I go

oh I love your shit online

you go

yeah yeah

and then you go

you said

I get a lot of girls

and I go

oh that's cool

because that happens

when you rise

that's my point of view

that's how you

yeah yeah

that's how you thought

it happened

that's how I know

it happened

in my point of view

yeah

there was another time

at the store too

I don't know. you rise that's my point of view that's how you yeah that's how you thought it happened that's how i know it happened in my point of view yeah there was another time at the store too that i'm recalling you can go you see now go ahead where well i was just trying i've said hello to you because i just assumed somebody like you wouldn't remember who i am and so he's got a great memory yeah he does the kid's got a memory like a fucking elephant.
And so I said, yeah, I think my buddy Andrew Lopez did your podcast.

And I don't know.

You also like, I think you asked again if I was funny or not.

Because we didn't know you.

I don't think you knew who I was.

And he kept asking if I was funny.

You are very funny.

Yeah.

Dude, this is a key case of conflabulation. Confabulation.
Confabulation. Welcome to Andrew Santino's new special.
Confabulation. You hear me? You lawyer and Italian master.

You look like a sick Talia Shire.

From the Godfather movies.

I really like you, though.

I like you, too. God God it's beautiful Wow Very good Very good We met only one time right We did a show in Venice Many many years ago On a backyard It was a big show Interesting because Andrew doesn't do backyard This was a long time ago before he was a Isn't that interesting It.
On a backyard. It was a big show.
It was a guy with Ben Blanchard. Interesting, because Andrew doesn't do backyard shows.
This was a long time ago before he was a town actor. Isn't that interesting? Isn't that interesting? I've never done a backyard show.
I thought Ricky Stenicki was great. Thank you, bro.
I thought it was really good. That's also a crazy lie.
During COVID, I did outdoor shows all the time. I did one.
You know the kid? There's a kid on the east side who had a show and he had a tree house in his backyard. Do you know what I'm talking about? Yes.

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Not available in all states. I did that.
You never, you never. Isn't it Santa Monica? Santa Monica.
No, Santa Monica was right. No, no, no.
I guess there's a lot of tree houses on the east side. I can't see you going to Venice to do a back.
This was a long time ago. Brother, before.
This was like pre-2018 or something. Back in the day, I went everywhere.
I used to drive down to fucking. I used to drive down to Dana Point to do shows.
Dana Point. Okay.
You know where that is? I love it. You don't know where that is? No, I don't know where it is.
It's the last city before you get to the military base on the way to San Diego. I used to drive down there.
I used to drive to fucking Orange County all the time for shows, man. I'd put in the fucking work.
We weren't all mad TV kids that got to just do the store all the time. Some of us had to fucking- Oh, God.
Oh, God. Some of us had to do the grind.
My defenses are coming up. Lower it, dude.
I'll be a nice guy. Good to see you.
Good to see you. Touche.
Thank you. Really great tour.
We went to Australia. I'm not talking about that tour.
We're not going to talk about that today? Uh-uh. My brother's really excited.
I'm on the podcast. He listens to the podcast.
What's his name? Jack. Shout out to Jack.
I'm not going to tell you how he described the podcast, but he's excited about it. What did he say? He said, yeah, I like that podcast.
I can't tell you. You have to tell.
You have to tell. Go ahead.

With the Irish dude and the fat Asian guy.

That's what he said.

That's the alternative name for the show.

The Irish dude and the fat Asian guy.

Not fat anymore.

Not fat anymore.

That's what he said.

Zempi is cooking.

But he loves the pock.

Yeah, you know, it's so fun.

Because here's what's fun about life.

I just can't believe it. What can't you believe? I mean, it's just like lie.
You'll never meet the guy. Lie, lie.
No, you have to tell the truth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's always funny. Yeah, it's incredible.
Wow, okay. Next time you cough into the mic, put it on the auto-tune.
Okay. I want to hear auto-tune cough.
You're sick too, aren't you? I thought you guys make fun of each other on this podcast. Not anymore.
We do, we do. Yeah, we do.
We do. That's our whole podcast.
Now, so far, you've done other podcasts, and you thought you did bad on the other podcast. How do you think you're doing on this one? I don't know, dude.
No, be honest with me. How do you think you're doing? I think I'm doing mid.
I think you're doing very great. Yeah, you're fantastic.
It's great, yeah. See if you guys release.
I know. That guy could not release it.
He's the guy yeah he's our little magician yeah i think you're doing a great job thanks man yeah and um welcome thanks for having me this is awesome all right so let me ask this let's move on from the mastectomy thing i want to because you brought talking points that i'm you had a colonoscopy on friday your father had yeah he died of colon cancer god i'm sorry how old were you six six years old that was like 31 years ago yeah wow dude wow yeah and then i got my mom remarried my stepdad has parkinson's no way like 30 years yeah maybe it's you that's it you know what dude i'm sorry bro bro it just came out i know that dude i apologize when you said that it rang true with me you know what it rang true with me i didn't want to say anything. I want to say that earlier.
Yeah. Bad luck.
Or it could be the Vietnam War and Agent Orange. I don't know.
That could be it, too. Interesting you could bring it back to the Asian shit.
Yeah, you're part of the Vietnam War. I get it, dude.
Very interesting you did that. Yeah, that's incredible.
Yeah. Maybe it's COVID.
What's next? What'd you have for lunch? Panda Express? I mean, cut it out, dude. Yeah, cut it out, dude.
Wait a minute. How old is the gentleman with parkinson he's uh 77 terrible so awful and and this guy is was your dad basically he raised you just more or less yeah yeah and and is he are all his functionality is is still there or is he kind of you know on good days it's like it's you know he just has slow speech but you know on bad days it's like he's not talking at all and man and it's just like oh that's terrible so slow bling slot of coffin at the uh at the dinner table and stuff like that it's funny when people bring up um stuff like i tend to laugh but it's not i'm not mean no it's just a defense mechanism i understand like ramsey at the comedy store his dad's losing his mind yeah i mean when he first told me he goes my dad's like losing his mind and that you know you know I mean I was like you know was like my first that's because I just can't deal with it like if I'm at a funeral your instinct it might have a funeral I'm gonna laugh like one time my brother at a funeral right and we heard a knock and I go look auntie hon is trying to get out and then my brother my brother just started laughing like uncontrollably yeah so it's just you know in an uncomfortable situation.
I'm winking back at him. He's winking at me.
I love you, dude. That was really nice.
Yeah, I love you, dude. Dude, you and I, we should have been pals long ago.
Let's play some Fortnite together or Call of Duty or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Warzone or something. Where'd you grow up? Jersey.
About an hour outside of New York. Love a Jersey kid.
I was in freshman. Where were you were you at 9 11 high school high school yeah me too one of my one of my favorite classes too what class was it spanish spanish yeah i was up my spanish class i was an english class were you and we had people in our town that worked in the world trade center area i remember the girl i remember the girl right behind me broke burst into tears and ran out of the room because they showed it they were It was like on TV.
It was crazy. Wow.
Wow. Yeah.
What are you talking about? 9-11. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's not in jail. I remember the girl right behind me burst into tears and ran out of the room because they showed it it was like on TV it was crazy wow what are you talking about 9-11 was that in your topics no it wasn't but I don't know I'm running around a list now that was very good I feel like that was on the list yeah yeah this is kind of wild yeah this one says promote Hamas yeah okay go ahead brother Yeah go ahead dude Yeah that's on you

This is a good platform

Yeah I guess

Yeah yeah

This one's

Here we go

Here we go

Here we go

Hamas

Yeah keep going

Keep going

Ride the middle

Ride the middle of Hamas

Come on

Yeah ride the middle

Hamas Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, gonna be terrible This doesn't matter Yeah, yeah. Hamas Allah Akbar.
Out of context, this is going to be terrible. It doesn't matter.
I want that as my ringtone so bad. No, okay, hold on.
This is good. Went to a private members club in Disneyland, 33.
You went to Club 33. Yeah, I went there.
My ref's got me in there. You know what's fun? Get a couple of pieces of paper.
We're going to write some lines. He's going to sing them.
Yeah, McCall, get some paper. If it's too much, you know what I mean? Yeah.
This is fun. This is fun.
Yeah. Let's do this.
Yeah. So you felt like you bombed meeting little Dickie for real.
Yeah. So the first time I was like, he just moved to Santa Monica.
And this is before the show and everything. We're at the California chicken cafe on, on Lincoln Boulevard.
He loves that place. And I go in there and I go, Oh, little Dickie, man.
Hey, you're so great, man. If you're ever looking for someone to do like a hook or something.
It was really nice. He was like, actually, man, I'm just trying to do like real rap right now.
But he was like, if you put your mind to anything, you really dreams are some shit he said some shit like that you want me to call him and no no no do you know why because i feel like he he's like i really think he's an amazing artist yeah and i feel like he would what he sees as me what what i would do and i'm probably projecting is i'm just being charismatic with auto-tune and i don't and i think the two things are so different you know but the two two things are inherently different so they can't be compared I suppose That's like saying we both do amplification of voices. Yeah, I got fun.
We're all different It's a you're still different. Yeah, but he he He is he's someone that if you're good respect.
He like hope so. Yeah I hope he doesn't think I'm gonna text him and ask him if he likes you.
Oh god, he's, I don't fuck with that guy. You have no context for it.
You got some of yours already? I only have two. I only got two as well.
Let's just do two. I can't think of any.
You can think of another one. Yeah.
You're crazy. Sing about the idiots in the booth real fast.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got some dummies.
We got some dummies in the booth. I think they have tiny penises.
They support Hamas. One of them has a crazy bald head that they're hiding

the ones i have are probably even good it's so gucci old bad friends

can I ask you a question

when you're on your show

and people don't sing you know sometimes yeah i get upset it's upsetting to me when i'm watching it yeah it's a give it a go at least but i'll tell you what what those people who give me pushback yeah and then there's a couple clips where we've gotten them to sing the the joy that reverberates in the room when we get somebody to like kind of like this exposure therapy to like sing and come out of their shell. When you crack somebody.
When you crack somebody and they smile and the whole room smiles. And I mean, it's, and for me, it's exciting.
You know, I was, you know, I got, I was doing standard for like six years and I was, I was doing okay, but I just kind of got bored with it. And all right, there.
Damn, dude, that worked. I've thought, I can't believe I've remembered how to make a paper airplane.
Hello, Ross Hentrys. We are paper airplane.
All the way. All the way.
Hello, everybody. We are paper airplane all the way from Busan, Korea.
Everybody. Yo, can we name our group paper airplane? Yeah, yeah, yeah,.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. We are Paper Airplane.
Fly, fly, fly all over the world. Paper Airplane coming, steal your girl.
Yeah. You're really good.
There you go. I have three.
Yep. That's exactly what I thought would happen.
If they don't work, is this? Okay, it's on. If they don't work.
I'll make it work.

He'll make it work 100%.

Yeah, yeah.

I went to so many dating parties.

Can we freak off?

Give me that baby oil.

Give me that baby oil.

Put it on my

body.

Alright.

Good one.

That's the next one.

You know what I like?

I like the taste

of children's toast.

Put those little

beans in my mouth.

Put some diddy oil on them Get it nice and slippery Yeah That's so good Finish it, take it home Yeah I believe our. Kelly.
Where was it? Okay. Where was it? Where's the one here? Where's the one here? Where was the one here? They're probably combined probably in those.
Sitting on it. Oh.
Oh, no. It's right here.
Mine are so good. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Bobby, where are you from San Diego

Korean

Next one Next one. Next one.
Does anybody know some dwarves here? Does anybody know some dwarves in the room? Anybody know some dwarves? Because did you know that when dwarves fart, they fly just a little bit? Did you know that when dwarves fart they fly just a little bit

did you know that if you get a seahorse and you put it and you with a dwarf you got ocean cowboys little cowboys Oh

How do dwarves touch themselves? I always think about that when I see them. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, bro. Very good.
Very, very good. Did you write the dwarf cowboy, this little water? No, that was, he added that.
Okay, that's so good. Mine was the farting.
Yeah, the farting. Right, which I ended it there, but then he added.
So good. Then you also added more of the ching chong ping pong.
I did, yeah. Yeah, that was just great.
You got to continue. Yeah, because ching chong ping pong's not good enough.
You got to say, huh? Fried rice from Hong Kong. Yeah, you had to do that.
Yeah, that's amazing. Do you guys feel like, like, from this point, like, you've achieved everything you want to do no yeah i'm good i'm out i'm i feel yes i feel i felt well i felt good last year i was everything at this point is just like extra for me yeah i'm like happy you know i think we've always said like as soon as we could employ and have fun with our friends that was like we beat the system yeah we can like work without like literally everybody in here is a friend of ours from many years ago except for one guy that's newer but we still love but like that guy is my oldest friend in los angeles like and we work together i've known him for a very long time yeah okay but we our goal was just if you could work with your friends yeah and make shit that was like can we do that all the time yeah it really is.
This year was the first year I started bringing my openers and friends with me. It's the fucking best.
It's literally been a whole... Let's call it Dumb, though.
No, we already know because I did it with a friend of mine, Binium Bizuna. Because Dumb is...
We were like all over. Dumb is lower.
I like Binium. Yeah, Binium.
He wrote on Dave. Yeah, yeah, Binium's great.
And we were just kind of all over the place and it wasn't editable so we just i just did i'm gonna lie you're not with me okay okay just watch this they're old friends so this is no no watch you are i'm saying i'm old friends yeah yeah it'll be worth it is he still mad at you well we'll find out what up yo dude what's up so it's so crazy dude i ran into a fucking morgan jay Yeah. He was like,

that motherfucker dumb made me do his podcast twice.

It was fucking bullshit.

I'm like,

no, seriously, what the fuck happened, dude?

Nothing happened, man.

He just did it.

He did the first podcast and it was bad.

What the fuck happened, though, dude?

He's not really a great podcaster. So it just, I, I just didn't get any good things.
So, because he was also with my other comedian homie, Binium. Yeah.
And they were like not riffing well. So I got him on again.
How do you do the second time? I thought he did great. The second was better.
So I'm glad we did it again. Yeah.
good, good, good. Do you think we should have him on our show, Morgan? Yeah, for sure.
Why? But really, though? Why? Because I've heard bad things from Whitney and stuff. Other people have said it.
Really? Like he's stiff. He doesn't know how to add information.
He's kind of a diva. Is he a diva? No, he's not a diva.

I mean, he's definitely making noise, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

But when you look at him,

doesn't he not look like a rat to you?

Like it was this fucking teeth

and the way his face just comes out like a rat.

No, I'm being real.

Is Morgan there or what?

I'm right here, bro.

I'm on the podcast right now.

I was nervous about how I'm a bad podcaster. I fucking knew it, you fucking prick.
I love you, dude. We love you.
You're the best, bro. Morgan's good.
That's a perfect one. Morgan's good.
He's good, dude. No, he's real good.
No, because you even said, I mean, if you were like, you were self-aware. Yeah, we were in Riffin.
There are times I do podcasts, I'm like, that was, I was fucking terrible. Yeah, I even said, I was like, I don't know how you guys are going to edit this together.
This was crazy. What? Well, his first one.
His first one. But this is, there's no way.
I've done that, where you do them and you're like, dude, can we not put that out? Yeah, do not put that out. It was so bad.
notes you got to cut that out cut that out if you were like in a bad place sometimes during the day you're coming from you're like brother i'm not in a good i shouldn't have done it it's crazy how you came right from doing your own podcast you just like doing podcasts do you have one after this no no no why we do that shit all the time this is exalt like i tried to do a podcast but it wasn't in me i'm more i'm trying to do the live streaming stuff i'm trying to be like kaisen at see i don't want to do live streaming well i here we don't here's what works for us we just absolutely do not prepare anything that's right yeah you were mad at this list no we just kind of just show up and like you know just do it and sometimes we don't air it. Some of us prepare.
What do you mean?

We have stuff slotted for the show. Sometimes it's better not to prepare.
That's right. Yeah.
Well, that was fun. Like that little thing we did.
We didn't know we were going to do that. It depends on what show.
But sometimes we have to prepare. Yeah.
What do you mean? I mean, you must have some guests who you think are going to be like pulling teeth, right? No, like a lot of times I'll coordinate with these guys on bits that we're going to run on the show but bobby will bobby bobby is a um it's like a hidden camera show for him he's never he's uh you know what i mean like he gets to show up and you're he's always the fucking bit yeah but that's the beauty is that we tee you up to fly free wonderful do you not know that we do work behind the scenes i understand that you do work like so why are you here's a That's a video that we're you up to fly free. Wonderful.
Do you not know that we do work behind the scenes? I understand that you do work like, here's a video that we're going to watch, but what I'm just saying in general about like how we're going to open or the things that we even said in the first 45 minutes, we didn't plan. No, we did not.
None of it. That's right.
Yeah, we just kind of ride the wave. And sometimes the wave isn't rideable.
Yeah. It's a swell.
It's a swell. It's a it's a one footer dude yeah it's a one footer and then sometimes we go we can't release that footage yeah i get it you know you can't get yeah you can't put it yeah footer dude you know can i just say that you're it's like your eyebrows have like they're like hitler mustaches got them done okay right before this i literally was like i like i like clean myself up but they're like literally short are they usually longer I mean, if I didn't do anything, it'd be a unibrow for sure.
Are they threaded? Did you get them threaded? I got them threaded, yeah. I had a nice girl from Bangladesh did them for me.
You know about that? Threading? Oh yeah, no. I prefer that to the- Kalilah used to take her to the threading place.
Yeah, yeah. I see them do it.
They thread. You've never had to trim eyebrows.
Shout out Beauty Secrets on Venice Boulevard. No, on Washington Boulevard.
Whoop, whoop. Beauty Secrets.
You've never had to trim your eyebrows. No.
I've never trimmed anything except for my mustache. Oh, yeah.
How often do you do that? Once a month? When I can taste my hair, then I cut it. What does it usually taste like? Well, sometimes I go, wow, this pastrami sandwich is rough.
And I go, oh, my little mustache is getting into the, you know what I mean? Dude, when you guys have a slice of pizza, like, do you smell it afterwards for a little bit? Like the cheese? I'm a germaphobe. I wash my face.
I just want you to know. I know I sound, I'm not, like, a contagious person.
No, no. I know Andres is sick anyway.
He comes into the studio sick every fucking week. Do you guys get sick a lot when you tour? No.
We didn't get sick at all. That's crazy.
Australia, we didn't get sick. No, I don't get sick much.
I have a good immune system,

but he does bring his bullshit ass baby and his fucking wife works in a hospital.

So this motherfucker brings shit in here every week.

I'll immediately be like,

oh, you've been sick.

And I'll go, you're sick.

And then what do you say every time I go,

are you sick?

What do you say?

I was.

I was.

I'm over it.

Yeah.

He's always over it.

So the day that he gets healthy

is we pod the next day.

Just a coincidence

that he's always just over it. I get it.
You're a fucking liar. Yeah.
Call him a fucking dirty, sick liar. He's a dirty Spaniard liar.
Yeah. You're a dirty fucking Spaniard.
You fucking colonizer. Fuck you and your colonizing friends.
Fuck you fucking colonizer. Fuck you and your colonizing friends.
Fuck you. Fucking love you.
Thank you. Do girls, when you're with them, if you're with them, do they want, like you're in the hotel or whatever, do they want you to turn that shit on then? Have you ever done that? Sing to a girl? When you're singing.
Have you ever whipped that out and sang while you're in the hotel with them but i with my guitar i'm saying oh really yeah can you imagine getting head while you're like oh yeah the one time so i met i just get i met this girl in cleveland right oh yeah suck those balls be gentle with those BALLS Put one in your mouth

Put the second one in your mouth. Put the second one in your mouth.
And take that index finger and stick it in my ass. Chicks have to love that shit though, huh? They love it.
I'm a goofy guy. They like a goofy guy.
Yeah. Nah, you're a handsome cat though too.
So how do you break that up when you're on the road? Am I fat? your brother said no you've been thinking about that you're not yeah i've been thinking about that you're down literally you're down six the whole time yeah yeah you're literally not you're stout that's what he said the fat asian guy stout dude yeah i'm not stout no he means you're stocky look at that lift up your shirt you're not fat you did no you lost weight bro i mean what's up he'sic. I'm not trying to fight you, dude.
Anyway, let's move on. I gotta let it go.
I let it go, I let it go. Yeah, I let it go.
Yeah, yeah. Tell him what you told me in Australia, though.
What's going to happen? What's going to happen? Well, I'm going to get ripped. Bro, do you want to? We can go to a gym sometime together.
Yeah, dude, take him. It's so funny.
You'll see. I don't do a- You know what I've been saying in Australia the whole time? Morgan J, if I may? Yeah.
Okay? Yeah. It's this kind of bullying shit.
It's this shit right here, dude. It's this shit.
No, he kept... In the car, he kept going.
No, no, no. I'm going to get jacked.
I'm going to get jacked. I said ripped.
Ripped. You can do it.
And this guy... You can.
Cackled like a hyena in the night, dude. Hilarious.
In my face. And kept saying to all these guys You'll see Because I love a challenge You can do it I love a challenge I believe in you I believe in the power of like You can do it bro I don't think you can get jacked because you're 60 or something But I think you can get fit Fit is different He said he's going to get jacked I don't think you can get ripped jacked you're 60 or something.
That's what I said. But I think you can get fit.

Fit is different.

He said he's going to get jacked.

I don't think you can get ripped jacked.

Correct.

Whatever you do, no matter how ripped you get,

it's going to be a little bit...

Literally proving my point.

A little bit looser.

Verbatim what I said in Australia.

Oh, that's what he said?

Verbatim.

But you'll be ripped healthy.

Yes, healthier.

If that makes sense.

Correct.

Thank you.

Even a 50-year-old who's ripped,

it's going to be a little... Bring up RFK Jr.r with the shirt off this cat is in unbearably good shape and you'll never get near this and he still looks kind of fat do you know i mean yeah but the rock is on trend or something yeah he's on yeah he's on so zoom in look he's in phenomenal shape you don't think i can look like that oh dude but look look at his belly still is

like loose because we're not young anymore you're not a kid i know but i'm still gonna look like that's still me that's ripped to me he is ripped yeah yeah and i can't get there there's no there's no way you'll ever get this i love those yeah dude you'll never be a grasshopper and i Okay.

There's far too much fake sugar in the world. I agree, dude.
Yeah, yeah. Take it out.
So everyone listening to Now, you heard it first. Wait six months to a year.
Let's do it. And then we'll see.
That'll be you. You'll be like Alex Young.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, man, I got fucking jacked as shit.
Frogs are gay. You know, some women like like that bill oh fuck yeah dude that's a really good this is my point women already like the way he is that's a good he pulls beautiful women so to change is weird the same girls aren't gonna find you attractive that's somebody said i already told you i'm fucking Cornholio yeah they're really funny I told you the wildest shit about this guy did I ever tell you this story this is my first time here so I've heard no story did I ever tell this on there the wildest story dude this is a while ago me and Rogan and George Perez.
And we're playing in Austin.

What's the club? Why can't I think of it? Cap City. Yeah.
The old one. And we're down there.
And the next morning, George is like, you know, hey, bro, we want to fucking get high as a motherfucker. And I was like, oh, yeah, absolutely, dude.
Let's get ripped up and like go down by the Lady Bird Lake or whatever. We get fucking stoned.
rogan is like uh meet me at the four seasons hotel we're gonna have we're gonna have lunch okay we're or dinner or whatever okay and he's coming he tells us when we're oh boy when we're there and i was like oh shit alice jones is coming to this fucking thing wow are you are you is that like oh shit he's coming or is it like how fascinated with this okay okay like like he to talk to me. I'm just going to be near him at a dinner listening to chaos.
You know what I mean? Yeah, there's a piece of me that was like, this is a bad idea. Yeah.
I don't want to be fucking photographed with this fucking lunatic. But he's like, he comes to the dinner and dude, he showed there's like armed guards everywhere.
And he sits down, we're outside on the patio, surrounded by a bunch of people. And he, like I said,orge and i are fucking baked and we're just looking at each other because we're like this is so strange and uh he brought a girl a girlfriend or some whatever she'd be beautiful i don't remember okay she's like a woman i don't know but he's the whole time he's like in the middle of conversations with rogan like deep they didn't look at you know he didn't look away from you at once and he would be like yeah and then you're the girl this is the girl him.
He'd be like, yeah. So, Joe, that's the thing that's going on.
It's like, frogs are gay. That's an emulation.
Children are going to be gay like frogs. They're going to be hot bump and all.
And then he would stop and in the middle of it go, baby, baby, kissy, kissy. No, no.
That's so funny, dude. My hand to God.
Baby, baby, kissy, kissy. Oh, my God, I love it.
And she would give him a kiss. Yeah, she she'd give him a little kiss and then he'd go and like I said two maybe because kissy kissy means two yeah kissy kissy kissy yeah yeah yeah but he wouldn't even skip a beat dude he'd go right back right back to Rogan and be like and that's the thing if they're licking frogs trying to get high on psilocybin they're also gonna be gay turning you gay and you're kissy kissy no my hand to god oh my god that's great move.
And meanwhile, George Perez, you know, we're fucking cooked. Yeah.
So George was, I mean, so baked. We're dying laughing.
And I can't look up. Like, I'm just laughing.
Are you laughing? I'm trying to eat mashed potatoes. Oh, my God.
It's amazing. Because I was losing my mind.
It was so surreal. It was like one of those, like, I'm in a, I'm in like a fucking curb episode.
Do you know what I mean? I was like, does he go, licky, l Yeah, sucky sucky baby. Wow, that's where sucky sucky maybe came from.

Sucky. You know what I mean? Wow.

That was the weirdest thing.

What was

sucky sucky $2?

Is that 50 years ago?

100 years ago? Is it still $2? That's from

a movie, right? $2 sucky sucky

what? Chinatown maybe?

Inflation's gone up. You think it's like $80?

It was a full metal jacket, right? Is it $80 sucky suck, you think, or $100? No, it's like $140. Specific.
That was $140. Dude, that was so sincere, dude.
That was so funny, dude. By the way, I wanted to put this fact out there to the world because it shocked me when did when did picasso die picasso was it probably in the 60s in the 80s in the 70s in the 70s i was close yeah but i thought for sure it was before that you're probably gonna van goh van goh van goh van goh van goh who the fuck is van goh it's van goh but it's pronounced Van Gogh.
Shut up how do you can i ask you about art wait but it's go g-o-u-g-h right it's well it's dutch it's like can i ask you about art yeah but we're not bro that's true that's van gogh is is keith herring good you know my stance what is it no have you seen the doodler the doodle guy that guy's better than keith with that guy. Mr.
Doodle. Yeah, Mr.
Doodle. I fuck with him.
He got in the subway? He painted his whole house. In doodles.
It's crazy. Bring up Mr.
Doodle real fast. This dude is fucking incredible.
Keith Haring was- This guy's incredible. This guy is a magician.
I've never seen someone so talented. And it's just like, I don't know how it comes out of his brain.
It's all freehand. And it comes out perfect.
Look at that. Oh, wow.
That's so dope. And he just did that with like paint and markers and shit.
Keith Haring wishes he could do that shit. Yeah.
Now bring up some Keith Haring bullshit. He's dead, right? But the same could be said for what's his name? He did the canned tomatoes or some shit.
Andy Warhol. Andy Warhol.
No, no, no. Don't ever bring his in a negative light again.
These are different. These are different because Andy Warhol, Andy Warhol.
Look, look, look. Come on, bro.
Please, dude. please dude i mean it was about aids he was doing this for aids yeah yeah no what no he just happened

to have aids no no he didn't do it for it no oh my god i got aids i got art what do you want to

bring awareness yeah right yeah he went and got aids just so he could do the art he was see that

looks like a doodle it's like a that's a mr i think it's pretty cool dude i think he's the first

guy to do that you know what it is it's got sauce it's got it's got swag it's great i do yeah it's got swag here here's the problem i like it but i don't want it okay right it's fine yeah i fuck with it he was he was he's talented but also like i don't know it was it's fine yeah interesting oh it's no starry night he looks like he has aids right there Terrible bro Look at that He's like I got AIDS No Oh here we go An AIDS song Yeah I have AIDS I'm AIDS I got so much AIDS Yeah You got me on this podcast going Hamas Yeah, Hamas Basquiat, you like him? You know how I feel about Basquiat He's cool But again, his shit isn't like, wow He's just cool This is the problem, I fit this in cool artists That's cool, but I never go, wow I just go, that's cool Yeah, but i see that on that's like i had a on a shirt at target yeah no yeah yeah that's my problem what's your what's your korean name uh-huh okay that's so no that's not true that was a godfather theme you don't know yeah that's good you don't know my korean Oh, sang's good. You don't know my Korean name?

Cho-sun-goo.

Yeah, do it down.

That's the other thing.

Cho-sun-go-bi.

That's his. Na-rang-hae.

Na-rang-hae-yo.

Apa.

Apa.

How do you know Apa?

Apa from Dan's podcast.

Yeah, from Dom.

Oh.

Na-rang-hae.

What is your Korean name?

He'll be it Songwoo Songwoo Wow Wow How did you get Songwoo? I didn't name it My did it. How did they get it? What does it mean? I think it means success.
You're coming out of like a republic. What does that mean? What does that name mean? It's Lee Sung-woo.
So when you Chinese people giving each other wing-long names and ding-dong names. Oh, do they have it? Is there a website that has the definition? By the way, that's what...
That's the name of the Virginia Tech shooter. Oh, Sung-Hoo.
Sung-Hoo. That's Sung-Hoo, not Sung-Woo.
It's pretty close. Sung-Hoo.
Both Sung-ers. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Some Sung's a bitches. By the way, you remember Wingdings? That's what that Texas dude calls any sort of Asian writing.
I saw a bunch of Wingdings on the fucking wall, dude. Bro, Korea is crushing it now i want to go in what way just culturally they're just like exporting like that's you sung hoon is the name who h-o-o just h i don't know h-u how do you not know your fucking i don't know how to spell it they're dancing better they're singing better they're making fried chicken better they're fucking crushing it yo be careful about that fried chicken shit well you know gi's taught them how to make fried chicken that is true yeah it's true black gi's taught him how to do that yeah korean fried chicken is bomb as fuck they're fucking crushing it i know yeah film they're crushing it i mean look at that was the biggest problem with australia by the way was that too many fucking whites the food was dog shit yeah i just i always had thai food when i go to these like us too but you run you kind of run out of because even then you're like all right yeah they that there's too many whites that is a worldly knowledge if you have too many whites central core in your country and not enough others you're fucked your food is fucked we had more bad pizza wasn't there a comic who was like if you want to deport all the uh people out of america you shouldn't be allowed to eat their food like whoever you want that's a good bit whoever you want to deport you can't eat their their cultural food they don't have extra crispy um chicken at the kentucky fried chicken in it's like it's like soggy well did you get the kentucky fried chicken in australia yeah it was soggy no good they said it was really good the quality of the chicken is good but they don't have extra fried it's got to be crispy by the way because the best and they love kfc but i think our best still to this day is popeyes i think popeyes fucks the hardest i think it's the crisp the crispiest that we get in America.
What's the best fried chicken you've had? In my life? Yeah. The Dave Chappelle fried chicken.
The best fried chicken I've ever had was, one of them was definitely at Chappelle's. Wow.
We had chicken and waffles at like 1.30 in the morning. After we did Chappelle's Club.
I couldn't move my neck and my fucking heart was about to stop. Was this at his place? At his club.
I couldn't go to sleep because I i'm dude i thought i was gonna have a heart attack that night it was like he had like a world-renowned chef after we did our show and the show's done we closed down everyone's you know party is over he's like we'll go have chicken and waffles and i was like where he's like right there and we walked into a room into like a private dining room And they served us made to order waffles with homemade butter and syrup.

That's horrible. That was incredible.

Like beautiful fried chicken.

Yeah.

It was gorgeous.

And then afterwards he was like, let's go dance.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it was like a nightclub.

Yeah.

He started dancing.

Fucking amazing.

So hanging out with him was pretty tight.

Dave Chappelle is Willy Wonka of comedy.

He is.

Yeah. He is the dream maker.
He makes the. Yeah.
It's it's it's unbelievable. His Aziz told a joke about he's like, do you really want to hang out? You could you could go home or you could say you hung out with Dave Chappelle or some shit.
Like Aziz was like had a joke about how you. Yeah.
He wasn't. I don't know.
No, but he but honestly, he is. He's like a dream.
Wow. Where there's guys where you're like, oh, would that be as fun to hang out with him?

With Chappelle?

He's so generous.

You could tell when you watch him.

I always said that.

The comics that are really great are the ones you want to hang out with after the show.

100%, yeah.

He had a store.

He's like this beautiful store in town

that has all the Chappelle gear.

Wow.

Take anything you want.

He was going there and take anything.

And we were like, no, no, we'll get a shirt or a hat.

And we walked in there.

And the people working there were like bags. We're like, okay, guys, throw everything in a bag that you'd like It was wild man You feel like you don't deserve it Where you're like ashamed a little bit But he's the you know what I mean I hate to say I'm jealous I want to do that It was fucking rad We cried Did you smoke weed with him? No I'm sober but when we first saw him We said we're gonna go back to the hotel We got in the car and him and I both started crying That's true Yeah because it was so cool He picked us up in his jeep at the airport He picked you up? He drove and he picked you up? He literally was leaning against the jeep What's up man? And in as fuck it was incredible we he flew us in his jet it was incredible and then he and then he met us at the airport and he was like well there was a driver there that somebody had arranged but then he was also there to say what's up and to say like good to see you and then we thought all right we'll leave him alone he's like come in my car and then we went is he like funny like car.
Is he like funny, like off stage? He's like a chill dude? Yeah, he's just a chill guy. Or is he just like, you know, there's some comics where like always kind of on.
He's not on. No, no, he's not on, but it's funny.
Yeah, he's naturally funny. He's just so like charismatically funny that like the way he converses is so, he's very intelligent.
So the way he frames the world is just funny. That's so cool.
He's dude yeah he's willie wonka to me that felt like a day i felt like i was charlie that's inspiring i i think you know the whole goal of my life right and the whole this whole adventure that i've been on and it's it's been quite an adventure yeah it's crazy is you know these tiny moments it's not about like okay here we go adventure yeah wait wait wait let's get it out first you get it out first because i like this yeah it's it's about uh every year if something new happens right i think that's more important than success like you know like when we were in um that island and we saw the little quokkas and they had a baby quokka coming out of the belly and you know i'm taking a selfie with the quokka and i'm like this yeah yeah it's a moment that i never planned it was a surprise unexpected adventure yeah yeah yeah and it was um memories when you build memories i think that's what the point of life is i agree and experiences and it's like you know the chappelle thing was that that and i think some of the things we experienced with quokkas yeah and also um riding scooters in the park yeah dude my bad friend yeah 14 000 seats seats. Sold out.
45,000 in Australia.

Sucking in air through an asshole.

Yeah.

And parting it out.

Yeah, dude.

That's a memory.

That's a memory.

Australia.

That's the whole point of life, I think.

That is.

Yeah, don't you think?

Yeah, let me do mine.

Yeah.

Do the music.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I love that.

Beautiful.

It's beautiful, dude.

Yeah, yeah.

At the Sydney airport. Yeah, yeah.
I had to go take a shit before our flight. And we were in a rush, and I didn't want to be late to the gate because I had a carry-on bag, and I didn't want there to be no bin space.
So I quickly got up after taking a shit a little too fast and leaned forward. And my penis brushed against the porcelain of the toilet seat.
That's the problem. That's the problem.
I was engaging my sphincter.

My dick got a little thicker.

I brushed it against the porcelain.

Stood there for like an honest minute.

And now I'm a she.

My kids have two moms now.

I cut my penis right off at the Sydney airport.

You'll find a little Cheeto in stall four, Sydney airport He's got a glitter dick A glitter dick Yeah Remember I had a meltdown? Do it No in New Zealand No going to New Zealand Oh my god that was a melt my God. That was a meltdown.
It was pretty bad.

It was pretty bad.

It's farther away than you think it is.

I thought it was a fucking endless.

They wouldn't let me on the plane.

We went to Perth.

They wouldn't let me on the plane.

Oh, yeah.

We went to Perth, too.

No, we almost didn't let us into the country.

Oh, really?

Because his passport was chewed up by his dog.

Because, well, not just any dog.

The greatest dog alive.

Yeah, yeah.

And so my dog.

Snoop Dogg did it.

Yeah.

Snoop Dogg chewed on my passport. Hey, cuz, give give me that there's a couple of pages that with bite marks in it and we're about to go and they're like nah you can't you know i mean mate right and i go what do you mean you can't come into the country they wouldn't let him through the biometrics oh yeah so i just sat there while everyone got on the plane and i was like i guess and then i started having a meltdown yeah he was he was arguing with you were alone did you guys just leave him there no we had a tour we all had gotten on the plane yeah he was last in the line so no carlos no carlos stayed with back he was yelling google me yeah google me and he was counting down the minutes until when he was just gonna go back to la he started yelling five.
And then there was like- I embarrassed my friend doing something like that in Vegas. You had a meltdown? Well, no, no, I didn't meltdown, but I was like trying to use my status to get into this restaurant.
What restaurant? Which one? It was just in one of the, it was like the Venetian. I forget that.
We just want to get food. And there was like, it was like Friday night.
And I was just like, let's just go here. And then it was all like young girls who were probably my demographic.
Sure. Yeah.
And I hey guys i'm on tiktok you might have seen me like you sure you don't want i like sold this place out like wow like you did that yeah i did that i love it and he goes he goes bro that was gross that was gross i know when you who's your boy my buddy crazy we started commenting i like that he was like that was gross i like but then my reps got me in a reservation at carbone and you guys that was pretty cool it worked he's like yeah that was cool yeah anyway sorry to interrupt you i interrupted you and told my story no no no but i am the guest so yeah yeah yeah you should have one up my story yeah pretty cool stuff yeah did you end up a carbone you ended up on air new zealand we ended up we ended up getting in there well you want to wrap it up then sweetheart yeah Let's You know what Let's end this Yeah yeah yeah Wrap it up Wrap up Wrap up the show with a song I'd like that Yeah Bad friends Time to wrap up the podcast I had a good time Talking with my best friends Yeah Morgan J Gonna come back again, right?

Yeah.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Maybe.

Yeah.

Learned a lot about my friends here.

Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Right.

Man, that's so good Woo

Woo

Yeah

Woo

Yeah

Woo

Yeah

Woo

Yeah