Bobby's Bowling Date

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
Anyway, we're filming this podcast, election night. We filmed this on election night.
Right now, when you're listening to this, this is election night. I also think we did this on the last election.
We were around then? Yeah, 2020. Yeah, 2020, 2020.
20.

This guy.

I'm almost positive. No one talked except for us today.
Did we do an episode on, I think we did. Because I remember him talking like this.
This sounds familiar. No, because I'll tell you why we weren't.
Tito Bobby was in Joshua Tree. I was in Joshua.
Thank you so much. I was in Joshua Tree.
Hmm. Yeah, just like, you know, in a desert, like a rabbit, desert rabbit, rabbit, rabbit, desert rabbit, rabbit.
A desert. I can't, I can't pod to that.
I can't even say desert rabbit, dude. I can't even say desert rabbit right now, dude.
Say it again. Give me the line again.
I was in the desert the desert rabbit oh you were in a desert rabbit yeah yeah i mean it was i remember do you remember you were there let's be real though i remember julio was on the couch with his arm on the couch watching me yeah i remember did you even vote today no i i give money so you didn't even vote you didn't either yes i did there's no way where's your sticker where's my sticker i don't wear the sticker i'm not a cuck yeah well i did too then no i know you didn't yes i did when where i at beachwood canyon no you didn't i'm pulling that no you didn't when what time 2 p.m 2 p.m yeah give me your phone no you give me your phone okay what what are we playing? Because I know at 2pm, I can see who you were communicating with at 2pm, and you would be like, I'm in line. Here I am.
Yeah. That's my private business.
I have proof. I live with someone that goes, yep, I went to the fucking elementary school.
I have proof. I live with people that do anything.
No, you don't. Yeah, I have my housekeeper.
Why would you lie? He goes, where are you going? Did you vote? Yes, I did. You're a liar.
My housekeeper goes, where are you going? I go, I'm going to go vote go how can the fans believe you if you say you'd voted when we know you didn't how can you do this right now because you're mr on your high horse you're a high horse here you are complaining about something you didn't even contribute to yeah yeah he's never voted well that's my it doesn't matter in california yes it does no yeah i need it wait hold on i need a churro that's insane you know what i'm gonna get a cookie yeah get a churro and a cookie i'm gonna get half a cookie that'll solve all your problems all right this is what the liberals do they eat away their feelings they're sad about what happened they eat their munch munch munch cookie monster no but let me be serious for a second okay neither of us voted we know you didn't either of course not all right of course not but we should for at least the local elections i'm mad about that but i couldn't because guess what went to the registrar i'm not registered how i voted last time called still i need to go in and turn in more proof documents that it's me. So either somebody stole my identity, but I don't have my original birth certificate.
Do you? Mine's framed. My parents died in a fire when I was a kid.
They're all gone. Everything's gone.
You can do that online. Request another.
A birth certificate? Exactly. Thank you so much.
How long does it take to get? This is coming from someone that definitely didn't get a certificate of birth. Yeah.
Let's not talk about birth certificates right now, dude. Yeah, okay.
Anyway, I tried. Don't Google how you get one.
Do we have to go through the process? I don't want to go through the process of it. You don't have to know how long.
It does take a pain in the ass. It's a whole thing.
Proving you were born. I mean, it took me three minutes to register to vote.

But because you're a brand new citizen and they cannot wait to get your information.

Guess what, dude?

Jury duty is coming your way.

You're going to have so much solicitation coming your way.

I cannot wait.

You're fresh blood, kiddo.

You're new to the fold.

And welcome, by the way.

Can't wait to take your taxes.

And another thing.

Scumbag.

You scumbag. Get him, Bob.
You your students right who paid for their dinner bobby did was that not a nice gesture that's right and you treat me like you did earlier yeah about saying oh here's you know he doesn't you know mr whatever you already said whatever what did he say i don't remember but i agree i'm so emotional i can't even speak get it out out. All right? So enough of that kind of behavior.
All right? And by the way, Bobby gave them money, and he goes so far. Not only did he give them money, he cooked them dinner tonight.
Came right from cooking dinner. Wow.
Isn't that polite? That's so polite. I don't know.
I don't get that chef shirt. I love your fashion.
You always have good fashion. The chef shirt, I don't get.
It's the Roach one. No, McCone.
That is the Roach shirt. Yeah.
McCone, do you like this one? I think it's sick. I think it's sick too.
Yeah. And McCone would know more.
Yeah, dude. McCone would know more.
Yeah, come over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, look at what this fucking loser's wearing. Okay.
Look. Yeah.
He's wearing an Adolf Hitler shirt. Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean? A tanned. Yeah, you voted? Uh-huh.
All right, great. Get out of here get out of here kid fast as you can yeah his jeans have a shit stain on the back yeah hate him i'll tell you another thing if you ever pull your pants down in front of me and jules and you do a ramen fart i swear to god dude you have another thing coming well what will you do what will you do you know what this is like that clip with mike tyson when he's like yeah i'm a vote for trump yeah what what are you going to do about it and everyone's like well nothing yeah that's right yeah so shut the fuck so shut the fuck up how about that you know what it's so funny what am i going to do about it what are you going to do about it i'm going to do something that's not non-violent okay okay so is that what you're pertaining to no anything what are you going to do about it i gonna fart on i'm gonna i when i gotta fart okay all right i'm farting right at you every time i twist minds okay and i'll corkscrew your fucking mind into a different dimension you are mind-boggling all right there's a lot of i i i have people that i call dude whom whom yeah whom whom do you call? To whom? Don't scare me, bitch.
Okay, you went to war. You went to war with me? Alright, we'll have a war.
Yeah. I don't want it.
You started it. I didn't start shit.
Yeah, yeah. You came at me.
Don't fart in my face! Nobody farted in your face. I farted at her.
You farted at both of us. Thank you so much.
You know what? You were in the blast radius yeah you caught some shrapnel you were in the blast radius yeah it was aimed at you look i tried to hit the philippines it's like when chernobyl went off right it affected germany it did yeah yeah is that what you're saying yes i'm german yes you're okay fuck dude das ist nicht gut yeah by the way ramen i'm never gonna go to that place ever again which one is it well i don't want to shit on it whisper whisper well we can blank it out yeah blank it out oh it's terrible dude there's one by our houses no no this was because i was on the road i know i know i'm on the road i was on the run and i was like it's i had a post made it to bring in here to eat it guess how much my ramen was tonight from them i'm not kidding i added some shit in there okay Okay, so... I got a regular old school, and I added a few new vegetables, and I wanted extra meat.
$32. $32, right? You know what I mean.
That's a ripoff. Boohoo, dude.
That's a ripoff. Do you know what...
That's a ripoff. But by any standard, that's a ripoff.
Yeah. That's a ripoff.
This guy buys a silk cover for each one of his fucking golf clubs that's not true $89.95 each silk he's got 15 golf clubs because they have to be spotless and it's got to have that fucking go get the golf clubs right now those are your secondary ones those are your secondary ones that you keep at the office you have ones at home Louis Vuitton I have no clubs at home. Louis Vuitton.
Put it back. Louis Vuitton.
Look at those silk things. That nardy.
Those covers are for the drivers. Uninformed.
Didn't you get beat with those things? You don't even know what they are. Yeah, yeah.
My dad took the covers off. He did? Yeah, when he beat me with them.
Yeah. Okay.
So, um. The silk covers.
Dude. Thanks for not playing good improv and getting on board me with the ramen.
Oh, so $33 for ramen? Oh, no. You know, man, they should go back to wherever they came from.
That's way too much money. Where should they go back to? I thought you wanted to improv.
Now you're nagging it. Well, what do you...
I'm not going to... You're negative.
Go back to where they came from? I don't know what bit you wanted to do dude oh funny say it again then let's start again say it again i'll i'll read the tempo you know i had really good ramen today yeah well where but it was expensive where let me guess where let me guess yeah because i've had a problem with these people too to where does it say start with a J? It does. End it with an A?

It does.

Janga.

Mm-hmm.

Janga, Rami?

Janga, Janga.

Did you get nervous when we were yelling at each other?

Yeah, and you were getting red, so I thought it was...

I'm hot.

I should take off this sweater.

It's too hot in here.

Yeah, yeah.

You're scary when you're angry.

I know.

Thank you.

What about me?

You're okay.

Yeah.

See, that's what I'm saying.

Yeah, you're not scary.

I get angry with peace. Hmm.
You know what I mean? No. Yeah, yeah.
Firm but soft. Always soft.
Yeah, it's a combo. See, I do combo expressions.
What people don't realize about me. Yeah, you're like a combo.
Yeah, yeah. Filled with shit.
Rage but empathy. A little hint of empathy underneath, right? Joy but with a little bit of resentment.
Yeah joy but with a little bit of resentment yeah it's a combination i put out there because i'm human and i'm a complex human being dynamic in many ways okay so i am sorry that you spent so much on that food thanks and um i'm just not going to tell you anything anymore that's you're being like a little baby right you lead the show Oh come on dude Can I just say something No lead the show tonight I'll tell you something I'm going to let you lead the show You ready? So this fucking guy Amir K Is in the green room at the comedy I'll tell you where I'm at right now Yeah where's this coming from I thought we'd put cookies in you You'd be happy Give me the rest of the cookie Please Yeah yeah Please, yeah. Please give him more cookies.
Huh? What?

What happened with the Osempic?

I'm on the Osempic.

No.

Oh, dude.

Dude.

Don't.

I'm trying to have a show tonight.

I know, dude.

What are you doing, dude?

I'm gonna get you.

All right.

I'm gonna.

No.

You wanna get?

Give him the cookie.

Thank you, thank you.

What's this?

No, stop, stop, stop. Give me the other one.

No, what's this?

You want half of this, Rudy? Yeah., stop, stop. Give me the other one.
No, what's this? I don't know.

It was in the box.

You want half of this, Rudy?

Yeah.

Okay.

Very good.

I don't want this.

Probably jelly or something?

Yeah, yeah.

Come here, dude.

Lick it off his finger.

Lick it off.

Good boy.

Good boy.

Good boy.

Okay.

Good cookie.

This is so good.

Let's start a new one.

Let's start a new one. Okay.
A a week ago I'm in the green room at the comedy store I'm just sitting there with I want to say his name should I say it? why can't you say the name? he's my dear friend yeah we're friends with him but we can't say the name because you want to protect him because of what the best well you know i i just you know he he started spouting off some politics i mean you know and if when it comes to fishing i'll listen to him what's so funny he loves the fish he's actually incredible fisher i've eaten fish that he's yeah yeah he's a great fisherman okay what's so funny mcc dude. What's so funny? I just wasn't expecting fishing to get brought up in this political conversation.
I mean, for sure he can't come to Australia. You're not coming.
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Unpack your shit when you get home.
Yeah, yeah, for sure. Unpack it.
Stay. Yeah, because that stuff, that right there, dude, not good, dude.
Let me me tell you i don't want to cut you off i want this story to finish but just so i can be a little bit more with you here when i walked in today and these two guys saw well no you saw it actually andre saw it did he have attitude to me oh bobby if you were here and then i yelled at him and i said if bob were for this and you, the response, the way he responds to me these days, it's, I'm actually like, I'm genuinely shocked. Okay.
So this Bad Friends, just to give you some education, is a TV show. We do TV show numbers.
That's right. Okay.
Well. So, you know, when a PA, let's say a showrunner.
What? A showrunner? Let's say there's a showrunner. Got it.
And a PA or, you know, somebody on set that does like props, right? Mm-hmm. Talks back.
Right. In a negative way to the showrunner.
Right. The showrunner doesn't even know that dude's name.
He gets fired on the spot. He's like, who's that? Who's that guy? What we did was we went we went oh let's memorize the prop guy's name right we let him in like get let's exchange number with the fucking lighting guy right and all of a sudden the lighting guy's like oh i'm equal to the show runner he's actually an assistant assistant assistant assistant he's assistant three assistant yeah yeah definitely and for some reason he's in the executive office right and he thinks you're a peer and you're not right and what you're gonna realize my little friend okay is that when you're out in the world without us yeah you're gonna drown you're gonna drown pal right you're gonna drown and you're gonna drown forever so if you want this life-saving what's that smirk about carlos about drowning forever that made me laugh but you're doing the thing too like oh yeah you try to make me drown that's what that laugh was you're so on edge tonight dude i didn't what you're on edge i'm not on it all i did was laugh don't call me on edge you're a stand-up comedian i left you're a fucking joke get out of here now you raise your voice you're fired you're fired I'm the tour manager.
All I did was laugh. Don't ever call me on an edge.
You're a stand-up comedian and I laughed at your fucking joke.

Get out of here, Danelle.

You raised all your voice.

You're fired.

You're fired.

I'm the tour manager.

You actually need me for the next two weeks.

Stay.

Okay, stay.

Don't push me, dude.

I got it.

All right, so you made the bet.

This Indian, Middle Eastern guy.

Okay, sure.

Whatever.

Yes.

You know what I mean?

Funny guy.

He's from Iran.

Funny guy.

Right.

Right.

And, you know, he's got a person he's saying

that's from a different midwest midwest who has certain beliefs sure but i don't i had dinner with them that's fine fine right but he started touting off like oh for sure it's got real political it's gonna be trump right and you know i'm not that i you know i'm in the middle you know I was like...

Can I ask you something?

What's going on with the show? Andrew, can I ask you something? Please. Is it me? No.
What I'm seeing and I'm sensing, is it me? No. So I'm not going insane.
Tap your side right now. Tap the side of your leg.
Okay. Because everyone in here is out of pocket.
You hear that? my pockets are empty because all you guys are out of it dude you're out of fucking I'm out of pocket yeah I have no money these guys are out of pocket it is him tonight oh my god what'd you say? you're vibrating with like crazy energy tonight oh my god I came here with such namaste energy like I came here I came here like Steven Seagal namaste dude namaste and then what you're doing dude is you're fucking gaslighting me you're making me feel nervous wait why what were you two now yeah like what your energy wow what's going on wow wow you have the floor i want you to just what what dude could i ask you something Yeah Are you on my side I need you Do me a favor I'm being real I'm being real right now I know I need you on my side right now Take one more bite of a I need you One more bite I need you to go down with me If I'm gonna go down dude I'm right here'm right here. I love you so much.
I'm right here. I love you.
I don't feel any support here. Hey, I am right here.
I feel no support here. I'm right here.
Okay. What is that? What is that? Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha. Of course I'm on your side.
Okay, good. Ha, ha, ha.
Ha, ha, ha. I will never leave your side ever I'll never abandon you ever no I'm fine I feel great I feel wonderful thank you can I say something last night you got a compliment at the party we went to Bert's house for a little surprise party it was fun although it wasn't a, can I just tell you about that too? Well, it was.
You dog hole human. What did I do? You, you, you, fuck, fuck.
What did I do? I'm going to tell you what you did. What did I do? I'm a couple hours away.
I think I'm going to be late to this thing. And you text me.
You have to be there by 630. No.
Yeah, you did. I get the text right here.
You called me. And you said I had to be there.'s a surprise party but what i'm saying is that so i get there at 5 50 i wait 40 minutes there's no one there i'm at bert's house i'm just there with his wife it's you and your brother and my brother and and leanne kreischer what a what a nice moment right but now bert's coming 6.30 and now I'm the only one there saying surprise.
So I hear Bert come in the house and there's like 20 people supposed to be there. Right? He comes around the corner and my brother, Bert's never met Steve before.
And I have like a little cigar case that I bought him and he goes, surprise. Right? And he laughed so hard because that was like the most unglorious surprise.
What a comedy moment. Right.
What a funny moment. Because you're the last person I ever thought that would be here.
And then you trickle in at $6.50. Like, what's your deal, amigo? Okay.
So give me a little bit of credit for a great comedy moment in both your and Bert's life. I know you, you got the text message.
You didn't read it. You called old Andy and you said, what time do we have to be there? Even though it texted us today, the Evite, this is when you're supposed to be there.
So I said to you, you got to be there by six. Yes.
The invite said, no need to come before 6 30 yes i did that to bait you to be there so i said to you you got to be there by six yes the invite said no need to come before 6 30 yes i did that to bait you to be there before everybody because i thought that'd be funny it's not it worked it did for you it was hilarious and the world okay because i walked in and everybody was like what how is bobby here before anybody else it was perfect and by the way you. He remembered it.
He talked about it all night when you left. He's like, how cool is that that Bobby was here with his brother first? Yeah.
So you're welcome. Okay.
And I stayed all night, by the way, talking with Bert and Leanne. How long were you there at all? I think I left at 1040 or 11 o'clock.
Wow. We talked all night.
Wow. I love those people.
Me too. I love them too.
They're great A. I had to get out of there and fitzsimmons oh my god oh my god what so bert has bert has dogs bert has dogs that are so big i mean it's almost shocking you know when you see a dog that's so big you can't believe it pit bulls they're they're like

um well master they're mastiffs but they're mixed so check this shit out the first picture is the first picture is of steve steve uh who i'm i love more than anybody is sitting on the couch this is bobby's brother sitting on the couch with the dog schools doesn't like him that much but i love look at that there's steve yeah and i said to Leanne How much does that dog weigh? I go, Steve that dog is as big as you The dog is 160 pounds Yeah he weighs more than Steve Steve weighs 155 pounds That dog is bigger than Steve What a beautiful dog And look at the next picture, look at how scared Fitz was of sitting next to this dog Didn't like the drool of the petting Look at his face That was at the end of the night look at the next picture. Look at how scared Fitz was of sitting next to this dog.
Okay. Didn't like the drool of the petting.
Look at his face. Look at his fucking face, dude.
That was at the end of the night. Look at the size of that dog.
He's looking more and more like the old man from Up. Look at that photo, dude.
I mean, I love him. I showed this photo to my wife and she didn't have her glasses on.
Yeah. And she literally goes, look at that dog.
And then she goes, Ellen was there last night? The dog? There's no way. There's no way.
There's no way. Look at how big that pup is.
It's such a beautiful. By the way, sweetest dogs.
They are so fucking sweet. But they're massive.
Dude, I couldn't have a dog that big. I don't think you'd ever want a dog that size.
Imagine that thing pulling you down the street. Here we go again.
You don't have the core strength. I'm questioning my fucking strength again, dude.
I cannot believe today. You don't have the core strength.
You don't have nothing. What? You have nothing either, dude.
You've got to come with better than that. No, I'm not.
I don't need to. I can come with whatever.
You see his energy today, Rudy? It's wild. Yeah.
What is that? You're right. What is going on? Get him another cookie.
You're right. You're honestly.
You're right. I'm off.
I'm off. I'm off.
I'm off. You know what? I'll try a chocolate croissant.
Today is wild. Yeah, I'll take a chocolate croissant.
Get him a chocolate croissant, please. This is so big.
Hey, McCone, do me a huge favor. Yeah.
Have one of those fucking things loaded in the chamber can I have another thing dude give me a Diet Coke if there was one I'd really like one look at me I know what's wrong I know what's wrong my best friend I know what's wrong this is an emotional day you wear your emotions on your sleeve.

Rudy, help.

My birthday is on Saturday.

Oh, shut the fuck up.

We won't be here.

Wait, your birthday is on Saturday?

Oh.

I'm turning 23.

I feel old.

23?

Oh, God.

You're so haggard now.

You're burnt.

They'd kick you out of Vegas.

That's when I started stand-up.

Rudy Jewel's birthday.

There it is.

Yeah.

So sad.

We'll get you something.

Diet Coke?

What did you get?

Thank you. You're burnt.
They'd kick you out of Vegas. That's when I started stand-up.
Rudy Jewell's birthday. There it is.
Yeah. So sad.
We'll get you something. Diet Coke? What did you get? What did you get, Bert, for his birthday? A box of cigars.
Yeah. You know, that's a classy move.
I got him eight of them. Yeah, there were a lot.
That's very expensive. I went into a cigar store.
Okay, can I say something about Eric Griffin? This fucking motherfucker moves two hours away. Yeah, he lives in- So then he goes, hey, come to my house and do a pod.
My 300th. Not knowing- And then I look at the map.
Two hours away. Two hours away.
Yeah. I'm out- It's past Magic Mountain.
There's even anything up there? Yeah, I thought that's where it ended. That's the edge of the earth.
Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm a flat earther.
I thought that's where it ended. You know, yeah yeah like my flat earther i thought that's where it ended you know past six flags there ain't nothing past six flags so i got way out there and i'm like oh my i was so resentful because it's like that's a far drive if it was like conan o'brien he would never live that maybe yeah but he's not living out there you know i mean if it was.
Three hours. I'd drive wherever the fuck that guy wants.
San Francisco would drive. I'd walk.
Eric Griffin, it's like, that's a 20 minute drive. Send a car.
Yeah, that's the most I'll go. He should have sent the car.
15, 20 minutes. Right.
You know what I mean? Right. I keep seeing his ad on TikTok.
Who? Eric Griffin. What do you mean ad? For what? I don't know.
And your ad for the hot sauce.

Hot sauce?

Or beer or something.

I keep seeing.

Oh, Fireball.

Yeah, I keep seeing you on TikTok.

The Fireball ad?

Mm-hmm.

Wow.

You're famous.

No, but they put it on TV.

I didn't know it was on TikTok.

It did TikTok.

Oh, it's me and Stavros. You remember Stavros?

Remember him?

He came?

Yeah. The best.
By the way, his movie is gettingros, remember him? He came? Yeah, the best.

By the way, his movie is getting all sorts of love.

It's great.

You've seen it.

What?

Congratulations.

I'm not in it.

I'm saying Stavros.

Everything you've ever done.

Oh, thank you.

Look at me right now, dude.

Yeah.

Look at me right now.

Uh-huh.

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Wait, wait, 84% audience score?

That's amazing.

That's fucking huge.

Yeah.

Why no tomato meter?

Because there's too few reviews. Right, because it's an indie.
The last year, I've been secretly working on a movie. That's great.
There's a part in there. No.
No. Because I heard what you already said.
You said it and you didn't say it. What? You went, there's a small's how I said it.
Play back the tape. In the edit, play back the tape of him going, there's a smart part.
Oh, a smart part. Oh, a smart part.
Mr. fucking, you know what I mean? Assumptions over here.
There's a smart part for me. What's the character the smart guy oh scientist how many pages many pages money pages many many pages yeah you know how many pages of the film in general 130 you wrote a 130 page comedy script yep that'll never happen i'm gonna condense it you i hope so than 90.
Okay. How many pages am I in? How many smart pages am I on? 10.
I'm in 10. Yeah.
10 lines. How many scenes? 10 lines.
10 lines. How many scenes? 10 lines.
One scene. It's one scene.
I have 10 lines. It's a small part.
It's a small part. This is making sense.
Yeah. Because you're not going to do the lead.
Time out. You're not the lead of the movie.
it's a small part this is making sense because you're not going to do the lead time out you're not the lead of the movie it's your fucking movie what's this pal bad coke can I get a can or wow Bryson got that right Bryson very nice of you bud what's the premise of this movie you've put together? And when you say I've been working on it secretly, you haven't been at the computer. Yeah, but I've been meeting up with the writer.
Telling him what to do. Well, we go through beats of the movie.
Okay, I like that. Yeah, yeah.
I like that. His name is Mike McGrail.
I love it. And then so what's the premise of the film? Well, it's set in the 90s.
And there's a border crossing between Canada and the US. It's in Washington and no one crosses it.
Like once a year, I got two cars to cross it. So it's in the 90s and this is a little border patrol, like three agents that work at that little- Is this based on a true story? Yeah, it's a real place.
Okay. Right? And generally the three that are there are like not the best border.
There's nothing to do. Yeah.
So there's like pranks between the, you know what I mean, the Canadian border and this and that. Meanwhile, a real threat is coming over.
Great idea. Right? And we're a bunch of bumbling kind of, you know.
I hope that goes because that would be fucking rad. The story is rad.
But there's a scene where you're a fan. No.
You're not going to get me to do that. I mean this from all my heart.
I will never do that movie. No chance.
Okay. Yeah.
I love you. I love you too, man.
You wouldn't do that if it was the other way. You know that.
Oh, I've done it before. Name it.
Every movie I've ever been in. No, no.
If it was the other way with this, with you and I. Yeah.
No, no, no. If it was the other way, if I did i've done it before name it every movie i've ever been in no no if it was the other way with this with you and i yeah no no if it was the other way if i did okay so i know that spade and theo has a movie right right and they might offer me a small part in it right i will do it you're you're not listening to a word i'm saying if this was the other way and i did and i said we have a small part for you you're not doing it do you get it yeah wouldn't.
I don't know your mind. Test, test, test.
No, he wouldn't. What's a test? I'm testing these guys because they know.
He does say yes to a lot of his friends. I do.
It podcasts. No, I did that Robert Kelly thing on the fucking thing that was terrible.
But this is me and you. It's different than those people.
You wouldn't do it if I did this thing. It's a funny, really scene-stealing kind of part, though.
It's not

like some throwaway thing. It's like

you're going to steal the movie with it.

You know what I mean? It's super funny.

There's violence in it.

You make me so mad. I'm going to go to the theater, and I'm

going to go, man, I wish I was in this. I'm asking you for a

favor, dude.

I don't like favors.

I'm asking you for a favor.

Okay. You know what? What? Okay.

That's fine. You throw me me i'll do whatever no i'm serious you're right no you're right and i say yes now listen i'm saying yes yeah hold on hey yeah yeah yeah can i speak to vic who's vic this is i'm calling morgan stanley the bank they're my loan hey guys hey vic are we on hey hey do you think i could pay my mortgage with favors yeah our bills could i pay them with favors okay did they take favor slips okay yeah like if i can't pay my fucking mortgage this month is it cool if i say it's for a favor hold on could they do a favor favor for me? What's up? All right, Vic.
I'll talk to you. We are right.
Bye. He's actually getting a phone call.
Wisconsin's done, right? Gene Hong. Fucking cut it out.
You called Morgan Morgan. You know I'll do whatever you want.
I would do anything for you. And let me have a moment.
I'm going to call Amira, though. Let me have a moment with you.
Okay. I mean it.
You know I would do anything for you and let me have a moment I'm gonna call Amira though let me have a moment with you okay I mean it you know I would do anything for you anytime I know for the rest of my life after this alright yeah I'm on I'm on Bad Friends right now and I think I lost get that money out and get it ready buddy I know dude I admit I was wrong and I lost and I'm gonna give you the 500 what you know man tell this man how wrong he was man he was wrong man i love him here yeah yeah so it's a it's it's yeah money andrew cash money 500 dude no no he said amir what you said it was a thousand yeah it was a thousand it was a five hundred dollars amir if you want to go down this road i can go down this road with you dude okay trump's america maybe it's a thousand bucks all right brother i'm going to australia tomorrow when i get back i'll get the 500 beautiful i love you i love you buddy love you dude he's so by the way. Now I feel better because he was the only one I bet it with.

Right.

Yeah, yeah.

I feel better.

Good.

I accept it.

Accept this.

You know I'm going to do the movie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would do anything for you and I mean it.

Now look at me.

Yeah.

Don't budge me off.

Yeah, but you-

I do a bit for the show.

You're going to be so mad.

There's no part in the movie for you.

No. I'm kidding there is Let's move on No I'm not doing it Yeah you are No I'm not Let's be real I'm not doing it I would never Fuck that Fuck it Give him a churro Please give him a churro Give me a churro'm not doing the movie.
I would never. Fuck that.

Fuck it.

Give him a churro.

Please give him the churro.

Give me a churro.

Keep it in a chamber.

I want a plate, please.

Give me a plate.

You're eating a lot.

No, he's not.

You're going to puke again.

I know.

I took a little bit.

He's already off.

You didn't take it today.

Yesterday I took it.

Yeah, not today.

It's one week.

Once a week. Oh, shit.
Yeah, I'm gurgling. You're gurgling.
Yeah, but I need to do it because I don't know what else to do. Because it's fun.
Yeah, yeah. You'll be fine.
You found it because this guy's the best. We don't even have – oh, in the cabinets.
Yeah. Let me say this.
That does sound like a fucking phenomenal movie idea. I really like that.
I think it does sound dope. I think you're going to kill it.
They're not going to do it.

Why would they not?

I don't even understand why.

We don't even have a thing yet.

With the production team that they've got behind it,

people are going to want to do that.

Yeah.

That's what my dream cast would be.

That's your dream cast?

Yeah.

Oh.

They're not attached to it. I just like, I want, for this, I want him, I want him,

and then I want.

What's so funny? What's so funny?

What's so funny?

Because let me tell you something about your dream cast.

For the zombie movie.

I knew that was coming.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

I don't know who these other people are, but I know that who's not in it.

Us two.

And now, I swear to God on my mother's life.

Oh, that's right.

On my mother's life, I will never do it. Fucking piss me off now, dude.
You just lost me, dude. This is what you get.
You piece of shit, dude. This is what you get.
I'm glad you're not. I need a break from you, dude.
I'm glad you're not going to Australia. Oh, shit.
Yeah. You want to tell him? What? He's going? Him and his wife and the baby are coming how they were they asked if they could make a family vacation but that's the whole time yeah no don't i know it's coming i can hear it oh it's coming out we've even rudy i haven't talked to you all night You talk to her I need time

How are you? I'm good how are you?

What's going on in your world right now?

Nothing

You feeling good you feeling bad

What's the news?

Well I'm scared for the election

You are well it's over

When this podcast comes out it's over

So how do you feel it's over it happened

Kamala

Whatever you say. Yeah.
So I don't, I'm not going to get deported. Yeah, you will.
You'll get deported regardless. You will.
Why? If we have anything to do with it. But you guys are helping me.
We are. We're going to keep you in this country for as long as we can.
Let me ask you something. If there was some, like, you know, Trump was like, you know, I want to get everyone out of here.
Do you think you and I have, be able to figure out her situation or no? Yeah, we would use, like, the famous card and we'd get... I think that would have to go through, we'd have to go through Rogan, maybe.
Yeah, we'd have to go through somebody to keep her here. Yeah, Rogan would, I mean, yeah.
I'd call Trump, because you endorsed him. Yeah, please keep her here.
Yeah, keep her. He's not going to kick you out.
He's not going to kick you out. I promise.
Hopefully. No, he's more likely to kick Andres out for sure.
Well, at least revoke. Right.
Yeah, revoke the citizenship. You can find out what kind of trash bag he really is.
Yeah. So nothing is going on in your world.
You're in school right now. Yeah, I don't know if I can say it but I got dumped by my friends wait dumped I'm sorry your boyfriend you mean tell us what happened let us be helpful but you guys are also the reason why I got dumped what the fuck did we do? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Please. Okay.
Be honest. Remember when I told you I went to that party? Hermosa? Yeah.
More details. I remember.
Sharkies. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those cowboys and stuff there, you said? Yeah, and you guys said I needed new friends because my current friends were trash. I didn't didn't say that insane I don't think we said that at all yeah you did We said trash I think so And then they heard about It from who from The podcast why are they listening Why are they listening that's what I'm saying but Then I guess they're listening and then what they they say.
And then they ghosted me. Wow.

They ghosted you.

They know this is a comedy podcast.

We're fucking kidding.

I explained it in a long letter.

Apologizing for hurting their feelings.

No, no, no.

No, no.

Are you being fucking real right now, dude?

Okay.

I am so livid.

Oh, my God.

First of all.

Don't get me started, dude.

What's going on?

You shouldn't have to apologize.

We're joking around. We're joking around.
And you never said anything bad. you never said anything bad they didn't like that i called them party girls i want i want it's it's the you know what i'm glad trump won i can't that's the point i can't i can't yeah i can't i'm done you're done i'm done with it it's gone too far.
It's too sensitive. I hate it.
They don't want to be called party girls? Oh my God. Why is party girl? Is that, in what world would that be like, would that be defamatory? Oh my God.
Party girl? I want to party. Fuck yeah, you're a party girl.
Yeah, you're a party girl. I'm a party guy.
I'm a party boy. Yeah.
Yeah, so they didn't like it. So wait, they said they called us party, so what did they so they called you and go we can't believe no they ghosted me yeah but you're assuming that the ghost is attached to that so I want to know how you know that they saw it because they must have said something somebody someone from that group that's like, I'm close to them.

I texted her personally.

And then she said, yeah, we didn't like what you said in the podcast.

And you hurt our feelings.

Okay.

First of all, we hurt the feelings.

You didn't do that.

And then I said party girls.

Okay.

So then you said party girls.

And I kind of nodded when you guys said you need new friends. It's a fucking joke.
It's a comedy. It's a comedy podcast.
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, you said party girls. And I kind of nodded when you guys said you need new friends.
It's a fucking joke. It's a comedy podcast.
I explained that. I can't do it.
I'm out. I'm out.
Explain it on a letter. Nobody reads letters.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Or let's try to make amends now. They're not going to listen.
Yes. But they listen to the last one.
I don't know. So party girls.
I don't know their names, so I don't know how to address them. Listen up, Party Girls.
No, no, no. How about Jules' ex-friends? Jules' ex-friends.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Listen to me right now.
By the way, you guys are only creating a monster. She's going to become a superhero now because of this, right? Yeah.
You're fueling her fire. Okay.
So, ladies, okay, Jules is probably one of the best human beings I've ever met in my whole entire life. Fact.
She's a daughter to me. I love her like my own flesh and blood.
I really believe that. Yeah, me too.
I feel that, okay? And there's not a bad bone in her body in fact some of this

podcasting it's mumbo jumbo we're forcing her to do it really to be honest with you because she's so good you know i mean she's just perfect for the show she's brilliant she's innocent right there's just certain dynamics that work well with us you know her personality and so we bring her on here you know i mean she's game. She's game.
A lot of times she's just kind of going along with what we're saying. She's just having fun.
She's having fun. But is she? Sometimes she's not.
I'm having fun. Yeah, yeah.
But at the end of the day, you know, if you take that personally. Come on.
Keep going? Yes. All die you're gonna die the world is a scary place i mean not like i'm not gonna i'm just saying no we're not gonna kill yeah we're not gonna kill you i'm just saying life is gonna just fucking it's gonna eat come down on you and press you into the dirt yes all right and just smudge your face deep into the dirt.
And then once you learn that Jules is not the- Are you out of your mind? Yeah, it's a bad- Life is hard. I'm so sorry.
And Jules is not the culprit here. We are.
We're the evil ones. Yes, she's not- She's just having fun.
Innocent. Yeah, yeah.
And if that is going to sever a friendship because of a dumb joke that him and I made that's not chill we know you're not party girls we know that you're intelligent ethical moral sensitive sensitive for sure what? say it weak little weak weak yeah a little weak yeah a little weak tender soft tender soft pliable pliable yeah yeah malleable manuel yeah malleable i like that word yeah valuable but malleable valuable but malleable and look right we don't know you and we love you we love and we want you to know that jules loves you but we also and she's a sensitive soul too and she doesn't like someone taking a joke that these two morons made to heart because we're dumb idiots we really are look at the set that we're on the set that we're on look we're inside of a McDonald's I mean give me a break we're morons and we're just trying to have fun and please don't take it out on Jules just having fun two guys just having fun so Jules is a great girl a great girl. And if it's, you know, at the end of the day, I honestly believe this.

It's so your loss.

That's your loss if you don't want to be friends with her.

Really?

Because this is a rising person.

This is a great human.

Yeah, he's rising.

You know who she is, dude?

You know who she is?

What?

Remember we see Logan?

Logan Paul?

No, not Logan Paul.

The movie Logan.

Oh, yeah.

Logan.

The origin story?

Yeah. Logan? Yeah.
Remember the little girl? Oh girl oh yes with the two claws yes she's from Spain she's from Spain yeah shut up on grace zoom in on that that's Rudy that's Rudy because she loves knives right and so hey party girls you want to fuck with that I wouldn't I'd want want that on my side right see that body right there that was a party boy that was a party boy yeah yeah and she destroyed him right so if you don't call her back you're gonna have war with us that's right you don't want that you don't want that that's bad you call her back you invite her back to moose mcgilligutty's or wherever you guys go it was moose mcgilligutty yeah yeah whatever right or sharky's pizza or wood fire mexican food whatever it is yeah pit fire pit fire yeah right right and you go out and hang out with these fucking have fun have fun and just know that you're party girls know that you are you know you know what i'm gonna double down on it you are party you're absolutely party girl right and uh we get mad at the things Yeah, we get mad at the things we are. And you got mad because somebody called you a party girl because you're a party girl, party girl.
We did a full fucking tweet. We came right back to where we started.
We don't care. Yeah.
You know what? I'm good. No, you know what? I'm going to go this way.
Stop. Stop.
Good. Don't ever talk to them again.
I'm not. Don't ever talk to them again.
I just thought about it. It's fucking uncalled for.
You deserve cool friends that don't care about two idiots saying something dumb. Yeah.
It's just awkward going to school because I see them. Oh, yeah? You know what, dude? Don't see them.
Don't see them. Pretty Yeah.
What? In school? I can see them, though. But I see people that I don't see.
You know, you'll still listen to this, right? This is true. This is true, dude.
He did it yesterday. Yeah, I do it all the time.
If there's somebody at a party I don't like. Yeah, you don't see them.
I see them, but I don't. I didn't know you were there.
Yeah, I see right through them. I didn't even see you at the party.
See right through them. Yeah.
Okay. They're nothing.
That's great.

Yeah.

You're in a movie, okay?

I'll tell you something right now.

There was a movie called Commando.

Love.

Do you remember the movie Commando?

Yeah.

Who was in the movie Commando?

Well, McCone.

Carlos.

McCone doesn't know.

McCone, do you know?

I actually haven't seen Commando.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who was in it?

Andres?

Arnold.

Dural Arnold's in Commando, right?

There's a scene in Commando.

Well, this is probably,

I could use probably a million other movies.

Yeah.

I don't know why I used Commando.

It just came to my mind.

Yeah.

Because I just remember watching Commando as a kid,

and there was like a couple of people exploding in the background.

Love.

Right?

And I'm like, I always thought to myself,

oh, that actor, he had not much to do.

Yeah, yeah.

So that was Commando.

It's Mr. Steel, your girl.

But if you see that, right,

there's a million people that die in back of them.

They explode, they get shot up and whatever, right?

A lot of times it's like that.

Be commando.

Be commando.

Right.

Shoot him up.

Shoot him up, dude.

Well, don't literally, but metaphorically shoot him up.

Be that guy.

Okay.

And with the little Logan girl.

Like a combo deal.

Okay.

Commando Logan.

Dude, you're Commando Logan, dude.

You're Commando Logan.

In fact, when you turn Saturday, that's your new name. Commando Logan.
Dude, you're Commando Logan, dude. You're Commando Logan.
In fact, when you turn

Saturday, that's your new name.

Commando Logan. Yeah.

Salute. Commando

Logan.

That's British.

That's the British.

That's US. No, that's British.

No way, dude. that's okay.
Yeah. It's British.
Yeah, it's British. I know you're right.
That's alright. Yeah.
So I have a crush. You have a little new crush? But it's gay.
And that's not gay. Whoa! Ring the bell.
No, no. I finally got you to come out on this show.
After all these years of doing the three-card Monty, he finally picked us a woman. It's a smart roll.
It's a smart roll. Oh, it is? Go ahead.
Who's the crush? Charles Milton. So it is gay.
No, I just think he's hot. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? You said, no, it's not gay.
It's not gay. That's gay.
That's gay. It's not gay.
How isn't... Because I hung out with him.
I went bowling with him. Right, so you're gay.
No, he taught me how to bowl. I've heard that before.
What? A guy? No, honestly, he really guy he really really did he's like dude the underhand because you know how i bowl and i go underhand yeah you flip it he goes he grabbed my hand like this and he goes grip it like this right keep your eye on the that's a date no it's not a date dude he showed you how to bowl yeah and he goes and then he goes just don't it's not about strength i want more accuracy this sounds so gay. And I just looked over his face and he smiled.
That guy right there. Yeah.
And so I learned. And then I had the best score I've ever gotten that game.
He scored well too. It was me, Charles Milton, and Ali Wong on one team.
And then Gene, Sonny, you know what I mean? From Beef and some other people on the other team. And Charles Milton taught me how to fucking bowl.
And you got a little crush. And that's not a crush.
I'm not gay. You said crush to start the whole thing.
I think that he... But can I be honest with you? Ask me if you think I think he's handsome.
Do you think... Couldn't even get it out.
I couldn't even get it out. Ask me if you think he's handsome.
Do you think Charles Milton is handsome? Yeah. And I can say that as a hetero.
Okay. Okay.
Do you think Charles Milton is handsome? Yeah.

And I can say that as a hetero.

Okay.

Okay.

Do you get butterflies when seeing him?

It's not butterfly.

You know, here's what I got excited about.

Can I tell you how I got excited? It sounds like butterflies, doesn't it?

Yeah.

No, you don't know what butterflies are then.

You do.

Yeah, I think I know.

And I think you look at that right now.

Stare at that for five seconds quietly. He doesn't look like that.
Stare at that. Five, four, three, two, one.
I can actually see it in your eyes. You're having like a throwback in your eyes.
All right, so you got a little crush. Yeah, it's not a crush.
It's a man crush. So I was at the bowling alley.

And he comes, he has a motorcycle, right?

So he has a helmet, right?

Of course he does. He has like one of those Wolverine leather jackets, right?

And he looks greasy.

Yeah.

And he just came out, took the helmet off.

And I looked at him.

I couldn't recognize him already, right?

But I'm like, you know, I'm like, you know.

I said, don't make the first move.

Don't, don't, don't. Like, just be cool.
You know what I mean? Yeah you know i mean yeah so i was just kind of like looking at like a girl on a date no no i was looking at the bolt so i see him i was right next to where the rack of the bowling so i was like sticking my fingers in the holes to see what oh what you think that's a thing no i'm trying to find the right hole yeah you're i know you are yeah yeah i know you are right then he goes, he comes right up to me and he goes, I'm a big fan of yours. Yeah.
And I go, you want a bowl? He goes, eat first. So we ate first.
So you had a date? You had a dinner date? No, because Gene was there too. The one we just talked to earlier.
Sure. Yeah? Gene was eating with you? Yeah, me, Gene, and Charles.
And we ate. Was it ever just you and Charles alone? No.
No. Did you want it to be? No.
You see, this is the kind of bullshit I'm talking about. At the end of the night- This is the kind of bullshit I'm talking about.
Take the fucker photo off. When he said goodbye, no, leave it up.
Yeah. At the end of the night when he said goodbye, did you kind of want to hang some more? Well, he's a talented guy.
I want to learn some- Did you want to hang some more? Yeah, I wanted to learn things from him. He taught me how to bowl.
You wanted to see him again. Did you exchange numbers? No, I didn't.
Do you wish you did? Nope. Is this a little cry on the internet? No, no, this is so stupid what you're doing right now.
Dude, I'm not gay. It's ridiculous.
It's okay. No, don't do it.
That doesn't work whatever you're doing. It doesn't matter.
Okay. No one cares.
Anyway, you don't have man crushes? Because let me say something right now. I saw at the party last night, dude.
I think you do. On whom? What? On whom? Chris Porter.
That's our man crush. You're swinging for it.
You're really reaching out. I was reaching for it, yeah.
Fitz Simmons. Yeah, you and Fitz Simmons have a little man crush.
He's a great guy. We just love to, he shits on me.
Like the way we joke is the way you and I joke. Yeah, yeah.
He's got great. He's a great guy.
Great rhythm. He'll talk really good shit.
By the way, the barbecue we had last night. AJ's.
So good. So good.
My God, dude. That's the one thing I, the problem I have with.
Can I say? Go ahead. No, go ahead.
Here's my problem. Go ahead.
I'm going to say my problem now. And what all I want to hear my problem.
Say it, baby. it baby so it's so funny because that bowling party and Burt's party there is one common thread and guess what the common thread is there was something there at both parties and I think I know you know what it is oh yeah what is it? People that don't deserve to be there.
No, no, no.

I'm kidding.

No, it's something you consume.

I'm kidding.

Something you consume.

Weed.

No.

Alcohol.

It's a food.

Oh, cake.

Whose cake?

Tom Cruise.

Yes.

Bingo.

Tom Cruise cake.

So there's a cake.

Coconut.

It's a coconut cake that Tom Cruise, in all the party, he gives it as gifts, apparently. And when he goes to events, like weddings and whatnot, he brings his cake.
And apparently it's legendary. Tom Cruise cake.
It's called Tom Cruise coconut cake. Okay.
So when I went to that beef party where I saw Charles, there were six Tom Cruise cakes

and they made an announcement.

Tom Cruise cake.

They bring that out, right?

And I ate it.

I'm like, it's pretty good.

Yeah, it's fine.

But then Bert brings it out.

Hey, guys, you can't believe it.

As if it was from Tom Cruise's asshole.

Yeah.

I mean, that's the fucking, you know what I mean?

The oven.

He does poop white.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know that, right?

It was almost as if, and they're like, we got it.

Like, it's hard to find.

Right.

All right. Tom Cruise's asshole.
Yeah. I mean, that's the fucking, you know what I mean? The oven.
He does poop white. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know that, right? It was almost as if, and they're like, we got it. Like, it's hard to find.
Right. So I waited in line like everyone.
Yes, you did. I was excited.
You were very excited. Yeah, yeah.
God, I'll get the Tom Cruise cake again, you know what I mean? But I like the sheet cake better. The sheet cake was better.
It was so good. The sheet cake.
The sheet cake. The sheet cake was good.
Brought it. That was so good.
That was so good. But the Tom Cruise cake the sheet cake brought it that was so that was so good but i but the tom cruise cake is good sure right but when you're eating it you're like if i if if i didn't know this was tom cruise's cake would i go oh best coconut care i've ever had no i don't think so no you go this is how it tastes like coconut it's a good cake coconut cake you ever had coconut cake? I don't like coconut cake.
Yeah. What if they all have,

like there's a Matt Damon Danish.

Ooh, a Damon Danish.

Right, like a Damon Danish.

Or do you think everyone has one thing?

Yeah, I would.

I would love to have a Bobby Lee flan.

Ooh.

Like at a party, people are like,

we got it, Bobby Lee flan.

It'd probably be something else.

What do you mean?

Flan is typically a Mexican. Yeah, but that's what makes it intriguing a korean dude you know what i mean well you'd be like the tom cruise cake isn't something that he made he found it the baker and he was like oh this is my thing you think that's good wait till you try well they're the coffee lee's flan right well they have a carrot cake there that's mine last Last night, I ate it.
It was better than the coconut cake. That's Andrew Santino's carrot cake.
That is? Well. I was going to say it was Bobby Lee's carrot cake.
I'm orange. Oh, fuck.
That clearly would be my cake. Oh, yeah? Maybe they have 11-pound cake.
That could be Bobby Lee. It's much more than 11-pound cake.
What? Lemon pound cake. Oh, lemon pound.
That's you. Yeah, yeah.
I thought you said 11 pound cake I never said 11 pound cake no the 11 is the number you need to lose the 11 pound cake that's what it is lemon pound cake you're right I'm sorry lemon pound cake that's the Bobby Lee cake you're kind of more of like a 7 layer dip that's kind of your kind of your... They have that there that maybe I can claim.
Maybe a seven-layer dip cake. Okay, anyway.
Okay, lemon pound cake, Bobby Lee. Carrot cake, Andrew Santino.
Yeah, yeah. What's Rudy? What would you have? Can I be a brownie? That's actually a really good one.
Yeah, we got Rudy Jules' brownie, and they're like, Rudy who? No, they won't do that. I love you.
Yeah, you got to take a bite.

Take that.

That was mean.

Take a bite of the Rudy Jules. That was so mean.

That could be you right there.

Oube.

What?

Oube cake.

You're like blood sausage.

Take a bite and you know what it tastes like?

What?

A party girl in your mouth when you take a bite of that stuff.

Yeah.

A party girl in your mouth.

Now, would you eat the cake if it was something that you didn't like?

If it was good.

Yeah. I mean, like, this is JD Vance.
You know, croissant cake if it was something that you didn't like if it was good yeah yeah i mean like this is jd vance you know croissant if it was bomb yeah maybe like that what you don't know who made that a real grade a bigot could have made that it's really good still delicious delete it yeah uh-oh oh what's going on oh he is come on sit down Dax how are you hello Dax Dax hello hi hello Dax how'd you feel last Tuesday good that was fun I was nervous but that was fun you did such a great job you did a great job did you feel like you did well it was hard to tell because it was quite overwhelming. Just like I had never done it in front of that many people.
But it was fun. You killed.
Thank you. Can we see some of it? Before you play that, did you vote? Yes.
Okay. What's your prediction? That Kamala Harris will win? Uh-huh.
When will this come out?

Right now?

It's already over.

When this comes out,

it already happened.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, so now that it's,

now we're in the future now, right?

Trump won.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so.

But you're fine.

Yeah.

Look at that.

Look at that.

All right, here we go.

Let's watch this tape.

Hey, everyone.

I hope you're doing awesome.

Very good so far. Thank you.
Clap your hands if you like the bad friends. Smart.
I can't hear you. Awesome.
So I love going to the aquarium. My favorite thing is always just looking at all the jellyfish.
But I always just wish there were some peanut butterfish as well i um recently went through a breakup not my fault i promised but um basically she used to get headaches all the time and she'd get really mad at me because i'd be like don't worry it's only in your head and then she'd be like no i really have a headache and i'd be like No, literally, it's just in your head. All right.
Honestly. Honestly.

So you felt good?

Uh, yeah. Yeah.
People were like, that's awesome. You performed there because people love that place.
We do. Yeah.
It is home to us. And what's...
Do you get some vaginal or what? No. Was that a yes? No.
I just went and just filmed like an outro and then went home. Right.
And flipped. Now your friend, unusual guy.
Oh, he's nice. He's very nice.
No, you're not a nice guy. I didn't say...
He's he's a nice guy yeah it was very nice yeah i'm just saying that he was like a little like you okay yeah yeah unique unique definitely yeah we need your help with something so rudy we made a joke on the show as we do pretty heavily right and we made a joke about these girls that rudy used to hang out with, right? And it was our fault, but then they punished her by ghosting her and becoming ex-friends because of something we joked about. Oh, wow.
She needs help getting these friends back in her life. Okay.
We've tried to apologize. I don't even know if we did a good job.
I don't think so. But I think you can, can you offer advice to her on how to get these friends back in her life? Did you already look into the camera and say what you want to say to them? I guess they don't need an apology, but maybe just an explanation, right? Yeah.
No, I sent a whole letter, a long letter to them, and they still never. Wow.
Maybe they're not the right friends. Or if you do want to still be friends with them, you can just say it to the camera.
Well, I mean, here's the thing. I think maybe it'd be great if you kind of told her what to say and then she could say it.
Like what to text? Yeah, so why don't you look in the... Why don't you pretend like you're rude? You're her.
And then maybe she can just get something from the way you... Just rehearse it or something, you know? Why don't you look in the camera? Look in this camera and and go dear friends or whatever hey guys uh what they say i'm not responsible for i just are am friends with them or whatever and uh go on their podcasts every week and stuff and just i can't be held responsible for that kind of thing and let's just hang out let's ask for their friendship back and can you just please come on and hang out with me and here's why and here's why i have a lot to offer i'm very friendly um i we've had a lot of fun times together and actually i might even introduce you to them sometime and y'all could discuss your differences and uh i'd love to have y'all on the show to hash it out and i'll tell And you what.
And I'll tell you what. If you do that, you're going to have a heck of a time because maybe we'll go to Six Flags afterward.
Or we could even... Or we could even...
Go to the bowling alley or party. And I could teach...
Oh, sensitive word. Yeah.
Don't say party. Or I could teach you.
Oh, sensitive word. Yeah.
Oh, don't say party. Or how about listen, or I could teach you a new language like.
Or I could teach you a new language like any that you want to know that I know. And like, I'll give you an example of my.
In English. But the other one.
And also Spanish. But here's a little sample.
Hola Me llamo Rudy Hiro Tu Hiro Tu Or Me gusta Tu Me gusta Yeah yeah I like you Y Mi amigos Es mal Mal amigos Also I know some Japanese. Konnichiwa.
Tagalog, Tagalog. My language.
Oh, okay. What is it? How do you say it? Tagalog.
Tagalog. Tagalog.
Tagalog, yeah. I will teach you that.
And let's hear some of that. Just make it up.
Tagalog. I love Tagalog.
I love Tagalog. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And and i think you will too what does it sound like tagalog yeah like spanish let's hear some of it yeah i don't know uh All right.

That's a good letter.

I mean, did you grab anything from that rudy yeah i mean i feel like you learned so i think you did it dude i think you really did it dude that's what what's what's going on in your personal life you got any good news you got any anything coming up any any what's going on nothing i'm always just kind of making videos and that's about it. Yeah.
Which I like that. We love it.
I watch them literally every week. Everything you put up, I watch.
I really enjoy it. Do you have any goals in life that you're looking forward to? Well, I guess I enjoyed doing like stand-up in front of a real crowd outside of an open mic.
And then just maybe doing more stand up and maybe just more videos. Continuing like maybe dating stuff and maybe.
Oh, yeah. Are you dating anybody now? No, not at all.
Not even a little bit. No.
There's no prospects either. No.
No. Is there a way- But do you have sexual urges? Okay.
Too much? Yeah. Can I retract? Yes.
And then, do you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, okay, okay.
Yeah, of course. Okay.
Is there a way we could help facilitate maybe you meeting somebody? Not that I know of. Why? We're good wingmen.
We're good wingmen. Oh, maybe giving me just advice.
We're good wingmen. Oh, like going to a bar kind of thing? Yeah, yeah.
We can go to a bar. We don't need to go to a bar.
There's a ton of places we can go. We can go bowling alley.
We could go for a hike. We can see babes on a hike.
And what would you do? To get women to notice you? If you were on a hike and saw someone. Well, if we saw a couple of girls, we'd say, hello, do either of you know who we are and if they said no we would move on and no no no yeah i'd walk right away and if i found a new group of girls and i said hi do you know who we are and they go yes we know bad friends i said fantastic or we like you to meet my this is what i would do this is what i would do on a hike i'll connect man yeah here's let me do you for on a hike Guys.
Guys. Okay, go.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
You see? Fuck, don't throw up on the show. I'm about to, dude.
Please don't. You almost made me do it.
Are you gonna? No. All right.
So anyway. You see a couple girls.
No, what I would do is I'd hide you off the trail. No, that's smart.
Yeah, hiding on a trail, a hike trail're not i'm not done dude i know i go up to a girl go oh my god my baby just got attacked by a fucking mountain lion carlos right smart and they're like well yeah the mountain lion is gone but i can you help where's the baby come over here they follow me right and then you're on the ground right right? As if I'm your son? Yeah, you are my son. You're my baby.
Okay. And your arms hurt.
Okay. So do it like, yeah.
Are you okay, baby? I need help. Yeah, but then once you say that, I'm gone.
Now it's just you and the- Now it's you and me. What happened to you, baby boy? Just fell while hiking.
Oh, God. Does it hurt? Yeah.
Do you want me to kiss it? Mountain lion, mountain lion. Oh, there was a mountain lion that knocked me over.
There was a mountain lion that did this to you? Yep. Yep.
Are you okay? I think I need help. Well, do you want to come back to my house? And I have an ice pack at my house.
Yeah, for sure. You would like to do that? You would? No, we're at the house.
Hey. Lay down, lay down.
Lay down, you look hurt. This is my roommate.
Hi, I'm Sabrina. She sings everything.
I sing everything. She has to.
She has a mental... Anyway, I gotta go to work.
Stay here with this baby that I found on the trail. Oh, I want to a blowjob Do you want a blowjob I'm interested in you Yeah Mix signals Wait a minute Do you want a blowjob for me or my roommate Or both of us I don't know Well.
Well, think about it. Think about it.
I gotta go to work. Who wants two more? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Me.
Let's flip a coin. Okay.
Okay. Heads.
You won. Give him head.
Here we go. Can I watch? She loves to jerk off while I get blood jobs.
Okay. Can I watch? Sure.
Okay. Cool.
Okay. Oh, my God.
Sorry. She has to eat a meal first before she gives you a blowjob.
I'm eating a breakfast burrito. Can I finish my breakfast burrito? She always eats breakfast burritos before she gives head.
That's like her thing. Sausage.
And the sriracha will burn on your penis. It's on her lips.
Okay. Alright, she's ready now.
Give me the orange juice. Here it is.
Pull out your penis, Dax. Vitamin C.
You need it

before you get some vitamin D. Here I go.

I do little kissies on the thighs

first. I like to announce everything

I'm doing.

Oh, man.

What do you

think, bud? I'm coming up. I'm coming up.

I'm coming up. Oh, here she comes.
I do a train.

Choo-choo-tree.

I'm by the. Oh, here she comes.
I do a train. Choo-choo-tree.
Choo-choo. Choo-choo.
Choo-choo. Choo-choo.

What?

I'm by the little, the twin mountains.

Uh-oh, there they are.

There they are.

The Rockies.

The Rocky, hairy mountain.

Choo-choo.

Oh, and I'm going up the mountain, the main mountain.

Ooh.

That was steep.

Where there's a white snow tip. Oh, look it.
Yeah, snow cap. Snow cap.
Snow cap. Does it feel good? Yes.
Thanks. Yeah, yeah.
If he said that, I would stop. Yeah, you'd have to watch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think I would watch.
So pretty good, right? But I guess we're going to do that. We'll take you on a hike and we'll try to get girls that way okay does that sound good yeah any girl that's out there our very funny and attractive cool friend dax is open and available so send him a dm then we'll see what you can get and would i in that scenario you don't have to do any of that you just kind of talk to them like people yeah maybe like um maybe not talk so much okay yeah yeah like i always say yes so you any any time a girl goes can i give you fellatio don't hesitate and they'll never say that word they'll never use the word fellatio you'll never hear that don't be listening yeah yeah they'll say anything like what if i'm english can i give you fellatio? Yeah, yeah.
Can I give you fellatio, mate? What would they say then? Can I suck your cock? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I give you a head? Yeah, but just don't deny it.
Just go yes immediately. You know what I mean? Yeah.
And then also... Anybody, really.
If anybody asks. If fancy asks, McCone.
Yeah. And if somebody asks you, does it feel good what you say yes no maybe not just thumbs up maybe how about this say oh yeah oh yeah oh yeah say that ready does that feel good oh yeah honestly dude that's that's gotta try it again yeah do it again be real dude hey does that feel good oh yeah no no you can't

laugh at her like oh yeah that's how you would say it yeah oh yeah like the kool-aid man oh yeah yeah that's right kool-aid okay here we go ready oh yeah does that feel good dax oh yeah that better do you like how that feels

you're shy huh yeah yeah Do you like how that feels? Mm-hmm.

You're shy, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And you know what they love?

You know what they love when they pat them on the head?

So say, oh, yeah, and then pat her on the head.

Does that feel good?

Pat the head.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I'm interested to see. I love you, Dax.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is Dax a-

Fucking best. Does Dax make a noise, you think? What? Fuck noises? No like a cum noise Do you make cum noises? I don't know You don't know? Yeah Bob does Tell you mean? Do your noise for him.
All right. Make him feel comfortable.
Is that really it? Not really, no. You want me to be real? Yeah.
Don't laugh. Dude, I swear to...
Hey, dude. Hey, dude.
Stop fucking around right now dude Okay Yeah It really is a serious I'm being intimate right now And I'm being real He is And you're laughing at my soul Yeah you're cackling at him You're cackling at me Okay Okay So just Look at me Yeah So you're doing it again dude Dax're smiling Dax you gotta watch him

you gotta look at me Dax it's Dax you're on a date you do it you gotta finish with his acting is much better so go ahead yeah yeah look at him don't look away don't yeah don't look away dad oh dax dax you're ruining the moment yeah anyway we love you so much bud you're the great we just when we do dates on the in in the states we're gonna bring you on 100 some of these shows and And we should do a Dax dating show. I think we should, yeah, yeah, bud.
You're the greatest. When we do dates in the States, we're going to bring you on

100%.

some of these shows.

And we should do a Dax dating show.

I think we should, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Would you like that or no?

I could step out of my comfort zone

and try it.

I would love that.

Yeah, I'd love to.

Because I want to find you love.

Like a bachelor.

Here, of all the jokes we make on this show,

I do would love to find you love

because you're a rad dude.

I think you deserve somebody fucking cool.

You're so fucking sweet and cool. You're a sweet guy.
I would love to find someone for you if you'll let us help. If you don't want our help, fine.
Say fuck you guys. Say that right now.
Say fuck you guys. I would accept your help.
Okay, great. I think we should do it.
I think we should do it. We'll do a Dax dating show.
And by the way, if there's girls out there right now that are like, I would love to be at least on a Zoom to hit up Carlos in thethebooth at gmail.com. That's going to get you submittals.
I think we should take submittals right now. carlosinthebooth at gmail.com.
Girls that want to be on the DAX dating show, we'll have them back. We'll Zoom you in.
We'll Zoom you in. We'll Zoom you in, or if you live in Southern California, maybe we'll link you guys up somehow.
And then the winner, we're going to send to a very nice dinner date that we'll pay for. We'll pay for a dinner.
We'll pay for a night in a hotel, whether you use it or not. Okay.
We'll pay for a car service. You know what we'll do? We'll even get you a tux.
Okay. We'll get you all dressed up for the date.
Does that sound good? Oh, yeah. I think it's a good idea.
Tux seems like a weird first date thing. No, that's what all the cool guys do.
All the cool guys do it. That's what every cool guy does.
Yeah, yeah. Do you think we're cool? We do it.
We tux. We tux it up.
We got to tux. What would be more impressive, Rudy, when a guy shows up on a first date than a tux? I mean.
Just normal clothes. For you.
Well, for you, but you're not right. Yeah, you're not right.
That's the point. Yeah, you're basic.
In a good way. In a good way.
Every first date I've ever been on, I tuxed up. When you say car service, do you mean limo? Yeah.
What do we think we mean? Now, when you say limo, what do you mean? Yeah, what do you mean? A limo? Do you mean like a stretch limousine? Yeah, yeah. When we say limo, we mean white van.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. That's what we mean.
Okay. Yeah, it's a white van.
Like a windowless van. A windowless van.
Now, when you say limoo do you think people still get Stretch limousines around town I guess not really They don't No one does They haven't made them in 36 years But I do think we'll get you a town car How about that Is that one of the black SUVs A town car is just a black sedan But how this? Do you want us to get you a limo service for the night? A stretch? I'll get you a fucking stretch limousine. A prom.
Yeah, a prom one. I don't specifically want that.
No, it sounds like you want one. He was a little demanding.
He did say, do I get a limo? So that's what you want, the white long one? Yeah, oh, the black one. What do you like, long black limo or long white limo? Or we can do like a penguin thing where it's like purple are you back you know what it would be great if we dressed you like the penguin like the the cartoon version with the with the top hat black tuxedo you mean cobble pot the cobble pot purple right we could be minions or you know love to we'd love to do a minion thing Can we be involved Yeah Will we open the door For you and your date You know what I mean We have You know I could be Harley Quinn I don't know So Yeah who do you think Poison Ivy Poison Ivy Yeah more You I think I'll be Catwoman Sandman Sandman yeah Sandman That's not even a thing No yeah Doesn't matter No I need to know I'll be the Riddler okay I'll Riddler no you know what I'll be Mr.
Freeze yeah be Mr. Freeze I'll be Mr.
Freeze well this sounds good does this sound good to you Jules you can be Bane perfect well let's wrap up the show the right way Dax if you have one and I think you do can you do, can you end the show with a joke on camera, a new joke that you've got? A new one? Yeah. You can do an old one.
Can I pull out my phone? A hundred percent. Yeah.
I'd rather you do that. I mean, I don't expect you to memorize all that stuff, but I'd love you to end the show with a new joke.
I've been getting fast food too much lately. You know what? I could stop for a second.
I'm so sorry. I love your jokes, right? But I think a better exercise is to just come up with something improvised.

Okay.

Can we give you a topic?

Can I hear the premise though at least?

I was actually interested.

Okay, go ahead.

Go ahead.

Oh, okay.

So whenever I go through fast food places, they're always like, thanks so much.

You know, enjoy your meal.

And then I say, you too.

But I'm the one eating the meal, not them.

It's a Brian Regan joke.

Oh, I didn't know it existed. I didn't mean it.
Yeah. Let's twerk it.
Let's twerk it. How about this? Whenever I go to fast food restaurants, a lot of times on the drive-thru, they'll say, enjoy your meal.
You know how hard it is for me to tell them? You know how hard it is for me to not tell them to go fuck themselves? Let's hear that. Okay, I's hear that.
Let's hear you say that. Okay, I have one.

Let's hear you say that.

Ready?

I've been getting fast food a lot lately

and every time I go through,

they say, enjoy your meal.

You know how hard it is for me

to not tell them to fuck themselves?

Perfect.

Or something arbitrary.

Yeah, that's really-

I think it's something arbitrary and weird

because he's a weird guy, right?

Yeah.

So it's like, enjoy your meal, they say,

and you go, alley-oop, go pro.

All the way. All the way.
All the way. All the GoPro, all the way.
All the way. Ali-oop, GoPro, all the way.
So try that. And the joke is that it's like just a funny random thing.
No, it'll make sense when you say it. It'll make sense when you say it.
Yeah, yeah. I've been getting fast food way too much lately.
Yeah. Every time I go, they're like, enjoy your meal.
And I say, Ali-oop, GoPro, all the way. Beep.
Beep, beep. Beep, beep.
Do it again with the beep, beep. Again, thank you.
And do it, try to do the best English accent you can. Eleop GoPro all the way.
Beep, beep. It's got to be British.
It's got to be British. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I've been getting fast food way too much lately.
Every time I go through the drive-thru though, they're like, enjoy your meal. And I say, Eleop GoPro all the way.
Beep, beep. And we wrote a joke.
We just wrote and we wrote a joke we just wrote a joke and that's very good very good all right let's hear the other one that's not a premise oh that was the one that was not a premise oh uh no yeah that was my fault premise would be like uh like i think my phone is listening to me and then something funny or like something about red flags or or something So I think my phone is listening to me. And from what I know, they're made in China.
Yeah. So I know they can't see me.
And what does that mean? If these phones are really made in China, how come the front facing camera lens is very round? Yeah. That's very good.
Now i see where you're going right yeah yeah and uh we're riffing here by the way yeah we're just riffing right right i think my phone is listening to me boy i hope it doesn't i hope it doesn't hear me when i'm when i'm what fucking myself myself. Let's hear you say that.

Yeah.

I think my phone is listening to me.

I hope it doesn't hear me

when I'm fucking myself.

Yeah, it doesn't sound right.

It doesn't sound right

because I think you're rushing the punch.

You're rushing the punch.

Okay, okay.

Yeah, and...

How about this?

You know, I think my phone is listening to me.

Thank God it's not watching me

because when I'm looking at it,

I'm usually jerking on my ding dong.

Can you say that? Beep beep. Beep beep.
Beep beep has to be there. It's got to be there.
Yeah, it's got to be there. I think my phone is listening to me.
Thank God it's not watching me. Because when I'm looking at it, I'm usually jerking on my ding dong.
Beep beep. Every time I'm looking at my phone.
I think my phone's listening to me. Okay.
I think my phone's listening to me. Wait, I think my phone's listening to me.
Thank God it's not watching me. I think my phone's listening to me.
Thank God it's not watching me because every time I'm looking at it, I'm usually just jacking off, jerking on my ding dong, beep beep. Exactly, that was perfect.
Perfect, dude. That was perfect, dude.
I think we got a new joke. Yeah, so write that down.
Every time I'm looking at it, I'm jerking off my ding dong. Beep beep.
Yeah. By the way- Alley-oop.
Go prowl all the way. Beep beep.
Remember that. If you do a series of jokes that end with beep beep, it will fucking rush.
Yeah, beep beep is your hook. That's your calling.
Like a catchphrase? Yes. It's a catchphrase.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Beep beep is your catchphrase yeah yeah yeah well Dax will you look in that camera

and say thanks for being

a bad friend

thanks for being a bad friend

right

love you dude Woo-hoo Yeah

Woo-hoo

Yeah