Where Is Waldo Bobby?

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what state is this in this is in michigan in michigan smashing beers are you being recognized are you recognized there no i didn't get recognized once not one time there not once you gotta be crazy did i get recognized any at all a single time not once at a college frat party not once and look at this that was the stadium that's called the big house in michigan you know what that looks like huh remember when Bane took off that football field yeah yeah yeah I wish that would happen there they did a fly how great would it have been if Bane showed up and with a nuclear you know what I mean what would you have done nothing you're not Batman you're nothing sorry sorry that went crazy it was so fun yeah sorry we had a great time Good job Fantastic What did you do this weekend? Nothing I saw a movie What'd you see? Oh my god In the Mood for Love You ever see it? Wong Kar Wai Beautiful movie One of my favorite movies One of my favorite movies now What a movie Where do you find time? In the Mood for Love, dude Look at this thing Two Chinks in love that's what they should have called no no you know i'll tell you about this movie two edamame this movie is so subtle it's so subtle and like in the beginning i was like i'm done i hate this it's boring right i don't even know oh so halfway doing like what's going on here but when you figure out what's going on, it's just so nice.

It's about forbidden love, dude.

The kind of love that you and I have.

It's so forbidden.

No, it's forbidden.

No, it's not.

It's not forbidden, dude.

Ours is very forbidden. It's about two people that they know they can't link up, so they never do.

But there's such love there.

Because they're married or something?

Yeah, they're both married.

Right.

And it's like.

What, do they work together?

No, they're just their neighbors.

Oh, my God. That's an age and their and their couples are are cheating oh they're and they went to japan they took a trip to japan and so now these two are like in this you know i mean like a complex living next to each other and they reenact you know i mean how their their spouses got.
So they would go through the dialogue and scenarios and stuff right there. And then through the process, they fall in love, but at the end, they don't link up.
And it's like, it's so sweet. It's like, I have fantasies of like, your pink butthole, right? And my penis, right? And it's vibrating.
Yeah, like shivering. And mine's right but it doesn't enter that's what we have well there's like it can't it's unforbidden magnets are both the same charge exactly you know what i mean right right missing i want to switch the maggot you the maggot the magnet the magnet is that what you call your penis a maggot it's sucked in but i don't can't be it's the same you and i have the same thing dude it's forbidden love we're both pluses i'm a minus you're yes yeah you know what yeah yeah i think about it i'm a minus you're a minus too so does this guy yeah though his neighbor the woman he's actually in love with does she look like his wife here's the interesting part of the movie you never see their couples right you always see the back side of their back right or their voice you never see them because it makes the audience not have any sympathy for them right right right and so you're only focused on these two and then like six years later there's one scene where this dude goes what's what you're laughing because that's got to be something funny coming up oh this is all boring yeah no no no no one scene what no no forget it no no i'm teasing no you're Right, it's got to be something funny coming up.
Oh, this is all boring?

Yeah.

No, no, no, no.

One scene what?

No, no, forget it.

No, no, I'm teasing.

No, you're right.

It's a comedy podcast and this is not a film analysis podcast.

Wait.

So I won't say it.

I get it.

I'm joking.

I don't think you are.

Please.

I think I'm meandering.

I like the meandering.

Okay, I'll tell you that. I meandered about Michigan.

You can cut it out to tell you.

I'll tell you what it is.

No, I meandered about football.

You don't care about that.

I know.

I listened to the whole Michigan, Michigan. It was like five seconds.
I don't know. I didn't like it.
All right. You know what I mean? I don't like that.
What was that? What was that? Him on the shoulder. Drinking, drinking.
Let's go. Jealousy? Not jealousy.
Jealousy? It's a waste of time. He was swarmed with young women.
Anyway. Running up to him.
All these college girls goes, McCone, McCone. Dude, he was recognized by hundreds of young, beautiful college girls begging for McCone.
I thought you said that you weren't recognized. I said I wasn't.
You were recognized. From Bad Friends.
All day. All day long.
Because you weren't around, probably. Huh? Oh, I know what you were doing.
What do you mean I wasn't around? We were together. I took that video.
I know what you were doing, dude. You do that thing.
What am I doing? Machismo. What's machismo about? It's that confident thing.
You remember that lady at the tuesday night said when you're on the stage it's like this you know come on machismo it's like this i'm stoic i'm a star they get afraid where i'm more open i'm like more of an open book oh you're saying i didn't get approached because of my machismo no one knew who i was star power nobody knew who i was if how do they know him then of course i gotta approach you fucking moron a million people took pictures with me i'm the king bitch that's what i thought next can i finish my thing then yes dude god damn dude no actually it was rad how many the young kids that came up that love bad friends and you know how many times what did i hear a thousand times where's bobby a thousand times where's bobby where's waldo you are my where they're looking for you i'm more like waldo no you're where everyone's like is bobby with you is bobby with they were freaking out anyone i want somebody to draw like a where's waldo but with me in it where's bobby that's a good idea that'd be fun put pandas in it it'll be called where's bobby comma there's andrew and i just a tall redhead guy standing out of a little crowd it'll be a sea of asians where's bobby and there's andrew yeah finish this movie though oh so he goes um i'm in love with you i gotta leave right he said that to the girl yeah and where does he go where we're going singapore singapore really yeah he goes to singapore and like months pass by he's trying to forget about her so he's seeing other women now no no he's still with his wife no his wife is gone she died no they're separated they stop talking about her in the movie right yeah they stop talking about her in the movie and he's out with his friend a friend at a bar or whatever and then while he's out with his friend she flies to Singapore his the new the love the unrequited unrequited love she smokes a cigarette Does she know he's out with her friend, she flies to Singapore. His, the love, the unrequited love.
Unrequited love. She smokes a cigarette.
Does she know he's there? Yeah. She knows it's at her place.
She smokes a cigarette, right? And then he kept one of her slippers. His slippers, you know what I mean, to remind.
She takes the slippers and she just leaves. So he comes back and he looks at the cigarette and there's lipstick on it.
Oh yeah. Right? Yeah.
And he sees, he can't find the slippers so he knows she was there but he never sees her again in his whole life. Wow.
What? Are you being real right now? That's, wow. That was a stunning, I mean I'm serious.
And then five years later, she goes, no? No. It's a non-smoking.
So five years later, let me finish it. May I? I'm miserably.
I knew you were going to do that. I know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can't worry if you visited me in the hospital.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a cancer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So go.
So the last scene of the movie, right? Yes. Six years later, she goes back to the apartment building, but now she has a kid.
We don't know who the kid's from not the same not her ex-husband it could have been from her ex-husband we don't know we don't know right and she she wanted to visit um the lady that rented her this place because she knew that she was leaving and and so from her apartment or from where she was she can look into where his bedroom was outside uh yeah he just happens to visit you know i mean and they see each other through the window on these opposite kind of apartments yeah and he goes like he kind of does this and she goes and tears just start running down her eyes but they don't link up oh it's just in the mood for love baby and that's what i want you're in the mood for love i'm in the mood for love dude and that's the kind of romance i want no you actually want to be with someone no no i want no i like like in paris texas i love movies where it doesn't work is this a metaphor for your life is that what you want you don't want that it makes love more mysterious and like i like but it's infinitely sad i know but i like the longing like dr shivago remember he reaches her and then he dies i just love the longing yeah i love the devastation i like being out in my backyard by myself on the lawn chair like i do with a cigarette and i long for love. That's a wish can be true.
That's a wish can be true. Say it right.
Say it right. Dude, in my mood.
I'm in a good mood. I'm in a love mood.
Say it right. Would you say when you're sitting on the lawn with your cigarette on your lawn chair, it's more that you're shorting more so than longing.
When you're on a lawn chair, your legs don't go to the bottom do they they don't that's so funny how hard is it for you to lift the backup sometimes i can't even lift it that's like i can't yeah yeah i can't yeah you're longing for love but i think you deserve real love i don't want i want you i don't think it's real yes it is it's not what do you mean it's not real it's not general? I don't think it is. Well, there's different levels of love.
I believe that. We talked about this in the car ride.
Being in love is a phrase I think is conflated by society to be this. Who knows what that means? But you've loved.
You loved your exes. That's all love.
But they ultimately never worked out. That's't- Because there's a longing.
Love doesn't always- A shorting, I mean.

There was a shorting.

There's a shorting.

The shorting with Bobby Lee.

I know, but I haven't met the mysterious one.

But it's coming.

It may.

That's what I like about it.

That's the longing.

Yeah.

Like, I met somebody, but she used to see somebody that we know.

That's tough.

I know, but- Did they date or they hooked up?

They were dated.

Oh.

And in my mind, I'm like, that's exactly what I would want to do.

She doesn't like me, but that's the kind of girl I want.

How do you know she doesn't like you?

I don just tell. But just everything about her in terms of what I heard her say, her vibe, her everything, that's the one.
God, I want to know who it is so bad. I can't tell you.
Not on the air. I'll never tell you.
Really? Yeah, because it's the shorting, dude. This is the shorting? Yeah, I'm in the mood for love right now, dude.
And it's a shorting situation, and it's like, you cannot know this. Sometimes when you're at an airport, too, right? Yeah.
Many times this happened, maybe five or six times in my life, where a girl will walk by, she'll lock eyes with you, and she'll smile, and she's beautiful, and I'll smile, right? And there's an instant, and you'll never see them again. That's awesome.
It's so beautiful. I had a girl today, I went and opened my suitcase to get my charger out right behind me, and I looked up, and she was gorgeous.
Yeah. And I just politely gave her a smile.
Just polite, like one of these. Did she smile? And she went like this.
No, that's not good. No, it wasn't good.
Looked up. Yeah, yeah.
Looked up and away. I've got a million of those.
Yeah, yeah, those i'm used to but i wasn't even smile because i had i'm i'm awkwardly unzipping in the tarmac and so i'm like sorry like a sorry face like sorry and she looked away as if peasant pig to me they don't even pretend to like they'll look at me and they go like completely not a shot right and you're like okay relax i was just looking you know yeah she gave me that look like hurry up you fucking potato eat piece of shit pink fuck i mean she was gorgeous and she just looked down on me so obviously i was such a little pig yeah by the way shout out to muhammad who works at the detroit airport big fan of the show he goes will you please shout out me out on the podcast i said no but i'm gonna he goes muhammad it's easy to remember i said this most common name in the world of course i'll remember my guess muslim huh muslim puerto rican wow yeah tony would have hated this guy yeah tony keep that in yeah no no but my therapist said thursday to me go, well, you know, the girls that I like don't like me. And she goes, but you do the same to them.
Like, what do you mean? You know what she means. What do you think I mean? Because you probably, you probably like the wrong girls.
Okay, continue. There's many women, I believe, who probably come and entered your life in different fashions and they're probably pretty right for you.
But you want the other one. You want the one that's probably not.
There's a danger. You know what I mean? It's also like, you know, I do that.
Like, you know, some girls like me. Oh, he's short.
You know what I mean? Pudgy, this and that. No.
And I do the same to them too, physically. She and pudgy yeah so i got i don't like it you know i mean so my point is is that there was this one girl i met and um and she was prepared oh you know good you know more than average i guess but she does things like you know you can see like her feeding the homeless and she's like you know there was this old man that lost his wife and she visited this old man every day for like a year what a nice person played chess with him and you don't like this girl no i mean to me it's like i was like boring oh you know no time for fucking you know but my point is that in my mind i'm like this is what i should be going for right but you know what you are going for is you know all that shit ladies and gentlemen diamond coming to the stage you know you know i mean all that and it's like they don't help the homeless you're looking for you what what you're chasing after is angelina jolie billy bach Thornton yeah that's that's exactly what I'm going for, dude.
But we don't want that. Yeah.
That's not feasible. It's not feasible.
It is feasible. It's not going to be a long term.
But you might not have a lot of time left. That's what I'm saying.
Right, so let's find real love. No, why don't we just do the mood for love and just be in this- It's better to burn out than to fade away.
It's better to burn out than to fade away it's better to burn out than to fade away I'd rather dream I think alright it's like this business it's like I may never reach the levels that I've wanted to reach you're there but I'm not where do you want to be? everywhere and Visa yeah I want to be like Visa I want to be like but I want it's that dream of like anything can happen at any time but it never happens but you're kind of always dreaming but you're in it right now don't you realize that you're going to look back in 20 years and go oh my god i was in it i was making a podcast with my best friend yeah it was one of the largest podcasts in the world like you're in it it's great we're here okay so now find real love someone that respects you enjoys you appreciates you really doesn't take advantage of you that's that's up to that's up to the gods right now i think you can help some of it i can't your therapist and i are saying the same thing i can't what am i echoing what your therapist said yeah so the next next week i'm gonna come over here with a three foot five four hundred pound samoan girl well that fits named cuckoo if the shoe fits and i'm like i did it bobby i have to shit again yeah yeah i did what you said all right That's not going to happen. Keys against the wall.
Anyway, and if your name is Cuckoo and 300 pounds, four foot, whatever, whatever, no offense. Can you imagine that woman just slamming her food to the ground as she listens to our show? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck! Like a double pineapple pizza. She's just like...
Fuck! You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I mean, you know...
But when you watch a movie like in the mood for love you know there's another movie i saw recently amelie is is the same kind of love but they get together they end up in the moped that's the old style you end up together yeah yeah but when they you know when you when you if you watch a movie like amelie it's that whole tease you love the tease you don't miss the tease I'm sure you do yeah but but but also the game that you have to play right now seems exhausting it's so exhausting it seems like it's it's so hard what a game it's a game of death you know like McCone McCone McCone learned a lesson the hard way in Detroit didn't you tell me tell me tell me say that bum yeah so I was with Andrew and Andrew's opener after the show yesterday. And we were just sitting at the bar drinking and they're like, we're going to take it easy

tonight.

And I was, we were having a nightcap after the show.

I said, let's have one.

And then let's deserve it.

Yeah.

And then a girl from the show was DMing me.

Like, oh, she'd come hang out.

And I was like, oh, okay, cool.

And I was like, all right, guys, I might head out as they were finishing their last drink.

And I was like, great.

Left, went to this piano bar.

She was there with one of her other friends who she was a firm.

I should have been there.

So it was fun.

And we were all chatting.

And then she's like, hey, we're going to get with our friends and go to this other bar like across town. Like, let's go.
Great. You show up.
It's two guys in this car and they're not having it. And they just- Who's not having it? The two guys in the car.
They're like, no, we're going home. And the girls are like, all right, sorry.
Wait, wait. These two girls were already with two guys? That's right.
They weren't at the time. They're like, oh, we're going to meet our two other friends.
So you didn't know. No.
But they were all locked up and linked up. You do Sherlock Holmes investigating before you even get into that situation.
I know, but I was- What the fuck are you doing? I was back at the- Do you have a- Are you seeing anybody? Did they- You asked that? I was back at the hotel bar before they had finished their drink. You gotta ask that.
I turned around, I was like, what the fuck are you doing? Yeah, yeah. Are you in a relationship right now? No.
Great. Right.
Let's go. You know what she did? She wanted to be able to prove to her boyfriend that she could get you to show up to the bar.
Yeah, dude, you were like, oh my God. And by the way, you waved as they drove away and he went home and just fucked the shit out of that girl thinking about your nerd ass waving have a good night it reminds me of that one girl that flew me to that one city right just to take a fucking a video a photo that happened i don't want to get into it but that happened that's crazy just to say hi just to say hi that's it yeah and they had no other interest well that girl just want to say hi to you.
He's 20 and you're 50 What does that mean? Wait Let that sink in for a second He's 25 and he's 53 So get it right I'm just saying get it right I would like to Call out the elephant in the room What up, dude? Is there resentment? What's going on? No. Yeah.
You know, when you... Dude.
Dude. I don't think I know human behavior, dude.
Yeah. It comes out in other ways, but there's really a resentment.
He loaded up. Yeah, you loaded up, dude.
So what's up, dude? I love you, dude. Let's what? Get it out on the table.
I don't care, dude. I'm good.
I'm just saying you should know better. I should know better.
Oh, so it's based on- Wow. You care- Live experience.
Live experience. Okay.
Fair enough. Saying he's been around the block and he's learned his lesson a few times, but he's going back to the well, even though he knows it's poison water.
Indeed. Okay.
Well, let me tell you something. Poison water does taste good.
It really does. It does taste good.
So he's swimming. Let the kid swim.
He'll get out of the well when he's ready to get out of the well. Yeah.
But right now, it's a deep, dark hole, and it's hard to get out. Because someone's got to throw him a bucket.
I'm not in a deep, dark hole. Of lust.
Yeah, you're looking for lust. I'm not in a deep hole, I'm not.
You're looking for lust. You got it all wrong.
There's no love. You got it mixed.
I got it mixed up? Yeah, in your head. All right.
Last thing. I don't want to talk about this anymore, but I just want to say that.
Don't. I'm sorry.
All right. The Ozempic.
Yeah, I hear it. The Ozempic.
You're like a whale that has to come up for air. I know.
Your blowholes, your Ozempic burps. But I'm literally okay.
I know you are. With being where I'm at.
I really am. I'm so...
I'm pretty content, man. I know you are.
Yeah, so I watch movies and I go, oh, that's... I relate to those themes.
And I think I've always been like a dreamer. I can tell you it's coming, though.
It's not. It's coming, I feel it.
I had a daydream about it the other day.

It's coming.

Let's make a bet.

Well, I mean, when do you think it's going to come?

You guys want to take a bet?

Time-wise?

Yeah.

In a year?

Well, yeah, within a year.

I mean, I feel like, okay, I feel like fans, you don't think it's coming, right? Be honest.

I don't think you are letting it come.

Oh, interesting.

Interesting take.

Interesting take.

Kid?

I don't know.

Do they often come with you?

Yeah, I'm done.

Oh, my God.

It was right there.

I know.

It's just like...

It was right there.

Bob, come on back.

Great.

Go, McCone. Do your job.
Great. I'm going to eat a donut.
Wow. Yeah, I'm a fat fuck.
I can't make anyone come. That's what you're saying.
That is not true. Yeah.
You really put... You know what? I was feeling pretty good about myself until now.
I was boosting was boosting you up i know but this guy really you really don't listen him his opinion doesn't mean shit you really hurt my feelings though apologize no i don't that i don't even it's not gonna help i've had enough of it every week every episode all right it's a slam about my weight it's a slam about how you know i mean i can't satisfy women you do a dick size joke last episode. you want him gone i don't want him dug on no i i you know maybe i like the pain it's a part it's about all that whole mysteries thing the shorting yeah yeah it's you know because you know you slam me you both slam me slam me slam me but you know one day the dragon will awaken and when you know what happens when the dragon gets awoken breathes fire god damn you know about mythologic mythological entity who's gonna get lit up what exactly dude that booth is like smog yeah that's mount doom right there and i'm smog another lord of the rings reference in your face so my point is this no honestly it was the Hobbit yes it was the Hobbit yes very good I love the direction yeah you know but can I say something I'm going to say it anyway why do I keep saying that I always say this is the thing or can I say all that stuff right I'm going to try to get rid of all that stuff.
The two of your purse is your purse. I know, but I catch myself doing it.
Let me tell you something. I say that all the time.
Thank you. But a day will come, and this is not, I'm not making a joke out of it, because I know myself.
Yeah. It's just going to, I'm going to go into a red zone.
Snap. Yeah, I'll snap, like my dad used to.
And over the years, I've tempered, you know, I've been very mindful about my, because I don't want to be like my dad. So like, I see these little, you know what I mean, triggers and stuff, and I try to like maintain it, like don't be like your dad.
Because once my dad got in a red zone, he beat my mama, he beat all of us up, it was fucking terrible, right? And I know that I have that in me, right? Once I hit a red zone he you know he beat my mama he beat all of us up it was fucking terrible right and i know that i have that in me right once i hit a red zone dude i look out look out look out dude so you can poke me all you want okay but when i get there dude look out you're not gonna like it okay i think you'll find love in the next year i don't even want to know that's that part's too late you already said that i can't make a woman calm dude that's too late is this bad that when you said poke me i just instantly got that pillsbury doughboy image in my head of when you said that now you're doing it no no no but it's not you i'm saying yeah yeah the image it got in my head because poke me is such a funny it's such a funny it when you said that. Now you're doing it.
No, no, no, but it's not. Now you're doing it.
No, no, it's not you. I'm saying it's just the image it got in my head because poke me is such a funny, it's such a funny word.
When you guys, you guys keep pissing on his step, you think he's not going to come out? Exactly. He cleans it every day.
I cleans it every day, dude. But he's going to come out and catch you with your dick in your hand and that's going to be the beginning of the end for you.
Beginning of the end, beginning too. And I say this out loud because I'm really trying to address a secondary issue.
To the guy in my neighborhood that lets his dog piss on my fence, I'm going to fucking kill you. I'm going to find you and I'm going to kill you.
Let's get it out, dude. I see him on the cam.
We have a camera. Hey, hey, guy.
We see you on the cam, dude. I'm going to beat the living shit out of this guy.
The dog pisses on my fucking door, on my fucking gate. And I see it.
No, but can I just. When I was in Wisconsin, I saw it and I saw it i was like i'm gonna break a neck can i make an argument against that though a little bit on my door yeah i want to be side with the guy side with the guy why are you siding with the guy whose dog pisses because i know your behavior what did i do to this guy i know you what did i do to him that's why i'm siding with the guy guy okay what did what go it's the same thing as a coaster thing the coaster of not having a drink on my table yeah don't have a drink on my table i know but you're eyeing oh hey you gotta put the coaster on right like that right what does that have to do with the dog pissing on my door watch hey don't walk on the carpet you mean oh you can't smoke in the back i i saw i was there don't smoke in the don't smoke in the back.
Don't smoke near the kids. It goes down to don't piss on the fence.
You know what I mean? You can't smoke in the back. I saw it.
I was there. Don't smoke in the back.

Don't smoke near the kids. It goes down to

don't piss on the fence. It's

all a part of the same. I've never said that to him because

that's just a thing we know. You don't let your dog

piss on someone's door. But it's a part of the same

thing that you have. Anxiety?

Yes. Get rid

of that. Can't.
Yeah.

Deal with that because you have issues.

You have issues. Thinking about having to fly back here to do this show with you i do have issues so do you yeah hey guy don't worry about it keep pissing on the fence yeah dude it's your own issue dude you gotta grow dude like i'm growing i'm gonna piss right on you right now piss in my mouth i don't give a fuck oh you'd like that all right so dude guy whatever guy whatever you're the neighbor shit on his lawn i don't care if he shits on my lawn piss on whatever do it piss on my lawn yeah diarrhea on the fence no you can't poop on the fence yeah yeah please don't piss on the fence sir please don't do that sir keep doing it please sir it's about growth yeah and you should grow up sir and stop having andrew to grow're going to have to bail me out of jail when I fucking murder this guy.
See, that's the kind of talk I don't like. And I'm saying it right now.
Yeah. I'll testify for myself.
Yeah, I did it. Yes, I did.
Kill that motherfucker. That'll be me getting hard for jail.
What's up, bitch? I'm going away for a little bit. Motherfuckers dog piss on my my motherfucking dope no bitch california is a stand your ground state which means that you can defend yourself without retreating if you're threatened right imminent danger i don't even know what that means what does that mean if someone's threatening to kill you it hurt if someone's literally threatening your life you can defend your life okay let me give you an example i walk into my house right and there's a man there it doesn't matter what he looks like does it in this scenario i could tell you what i think he looked like tall skinny white guy from from um northern california six nine fresno yeah fresno guy 6' six nine yeah big head huge long though very long i can see it balding like carlos patchy patchy on the side yeah patchy right bags under the eyes huge no adam's apple no it's an eve apple more than anything what's that mean it's it's chunked away because he got he's been stabbed oh Yeah, it's an Eve apple.
He's wearing no shirt. It's a wife beater, but yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I could envision a medical tag. He's fresh out.
Dude, that's- I see it. Do you see it now? Yes.
A medical tag. Yep.
Right? And then, you know what I mean? Mommy tattoo? Mom. Mom, but with a cross.

Cross through it.

Right?

She's dead to me.

Yeah, yeah.

Daddy cross.

And then-

Right?

Daddy crossed out.

Yeah.

But that one's a tramp stamp.

It's daddy right above his butt.

Exactly.

Yeah.

Right?

And then there's a God bless JD.

God bless JD.

Not JD Vance.

Who is it?

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. J period D.
Yeah, J periodd vance who is it uh uh oh oh oh oh j period d yeah j period d period who is it that's uh uh john delorean jeffrey dahmer yes jeffrey dahmer god bless jeffrey dahmer god bless jeffrey dahmer right he has a speech Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But except when he says Asian slurs, Asian slurs.

Comes out perfectly.

Comes out perfectly.

Yeah.

Like, you chink.

Right?

It just comes out, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no stutter with that, right? Aw.

Right?

And then, right, what does he have in his hands?

What does he have in his hands, guys?

Oh, in each of his hands?

Yeah, one hand is what?

One hand is one of those stress balls, just an old school stress ball.

The rubbery kind?

Yeah, the one that's got sand.

Or the Benoit Balls.

No, sand, sand.

Oh, the sand one, right.

Sand one.

So I don't own one of those.

That's his.

He brings it with him everywhere he goes.

Wow.

Other hand.

It calms me down right right right hand right hand right what is it you tell me yeah what oh i know what i can see it yeah yeah can you see it yeah look at that okay what do i see dude i see scales i know what it is i know what it is a crocodile hand. A croc hand? He took, he killed a crocodile.
And stole a hand? In Mississippi in 1987 with his uncle Joey, right? Oh, wow. A baby crocodile.
Oh, a baby. Yeah, and he just like tore it apart, right? And then he took the skin and he made this glove.
He's had it at the club for years. Whoa.
It's like, there's got like a little jacket, like a Freddy Cdy cougar like status like yeah yeah yes yes yeah and he's just kind of doing this with the benoit balls like this right and he growls like a crock all right now if i'm not walking out of the house by now well what am i doing you're interested in what he's up to oh you know what because it's not imminent danger because he's just hanging out right it's now at this point can i kill him no he hasn't dude it's fucking scary he hasn't threatened your life right he's got to threaten your life we saw it right here look is it imminent danger and he goes no then he goes could i give you a hug that's not violent right no right and i go no would you say that yes or no can i give you a hug i'll shake your hand i'll give you a pound i'll give you a pound that's better do you want to you know in are you a bad friends fan i would say yeah. You want to take a picture? Okay, so ask me.

And he'd be like, goodnight.

Goodnight.

I'll give you a hug, give a hug, hug. Yeah, Chinaman.
Chin, Chin. I think I would.
You would? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what he'd really do? What? Where's Bobby?

I can get him.

That's what I'd say.

I can get him for you.

Oh, you're there now, too? Where's Bobby?

I can get him.

That's what I'd say.

I can get him for him. Oh, you're there now too?

I'm in my house.

Oh, he's in your house now?

He came to my house first.

How do you think he got to your house?

Oh, that's right.

I sent him to your house.

Oh, you sent him to my house?

Don't do that.

What the fuck, dude?

He wanted to see you.

All right.

He really, I mean, does that sound more like your fans than mine?

Why do you do that?

I'm just kidding.

Why do you do that?

I'm just kidding. I love when you do that.
Okay, do that I'm just kidding I love when you do that okay let's move on but I love when you do that why do you do that it's just silly anyway alright dude but if you sent him to my house you wouldn't have called me and go dude I sent a guy to your house I would send McCone to film it I'd have him him outside. Oh, so you were there.
Well, this guy has something for the internet.

Yeah.

You know what, dude?

I think what I would do in that scenario is I would just shoot him.

Shoot him?

And just let the fucking law take care of it.

But you don't have a gun.

Oh, that's right.

I have swords.

A katana?

I have like a bunch of swords at home.

Would you ever be able to stab somebody?

For real?

Oh, yeah, with a sword, yeah.

Fuck yeah, dude.

I practice.

What do you practice?

No, I go on my fucking balcony and I practice.

You swing it around? Dude, I do scenarios like this. Come around here.
You know what I mean? I do the whole fucking thing, dude. I practice.
What do you practice? No, I go on my fucking balcony and I practice. You swing it around.
Dude, I do scenarios like this. Come around here.
You know what I mean? I do the whole fucking thing, dude. Yeah, he'd be dead.
Really? Yeah, I have like katanas and stuff. Wow.
Yeah. How many do you have? Three.
Are they special? Were they like branded for you? Well, they're not like made by a sensei, but I've got them in Chinatown. So they're made...
Probably made by... They're pretty sharp.
Probably made in China. Yeah, they're sharp.
I mean, they're not the ones that they used to... Like Ronin or Samurai used to use back in the day.
Those are like real... You know what I mean? Is a Samurai expensive? Yeah, I want to know.
I want to buy one. Like a real one.
A real Samurai. What's the most expensive Samurai sword you can get? Oh my God.
Well, it's probably... It's got to be priceless.
I mean, what is that? $79.99? No, the most expensive, dude. That's the kind of shit I have.
Average first. Yeah, the average one is a couple hundred dollars.
Most expensive samurai sword in the world. The most expensive Japanese sword in the world is Fukushima Mansuri Tachi priced at $100 million.
Yeah, can we go in the middle there?

I mean, what the fuck, from $5 to $100 million?

You want a Tachi or not?

I know.

I want a Tachi, but there's no way I can get one.

$100 million.

Look at how beautiful that is.

Yeah.

How about like this?

A $10,000 samurai sword do that.

That's a lot of money.

I know, but that seems like the right price for a high-end one.

Oh, let me look at that one.

That sounds like a good price.

$1,200?

Yeah.

You're never going to use it. But this sounds like you're going to.
The Swords of Northshire. Yeah, I'd get one of those.
I guess we got to buy a Shingunto. Sado Arakay.
Or any Bad Friends fans that are into metalwork. If you can make one for us.
And you can make a really good samurai sword, we'll promote it. Of course I will.
we'll hang it no i want no i'm gonna hang it in my house well we want it for the show we'll get to that we'll dupe it any no anyone that's because we know you there's got to be a guy out there that knows how to do my guarantee guarantee 100 i guarantee it like a real authentic japanese samurai sword and i want you also i like the engraving into the steel yeah they like stamp like a symbol yes you know what i mean yeah what is that it's a samurai sword that's back here how much is it i don't know where the fuck did that come where did that come from in the back i saw it one let me see it let me see it come here bring it over here wait seriously yeah this is like a real sword how long have we had this wow dude three years someone gave it to rudy for sure yeah it's not sharp at all you're not even flicking your finger it's nothing oh there it is yeah i can hear it yeah it's not sharp at all wow it makes it even more dangerous why because dull blades are more dangerous than sharp ones why is that because you're more likely to cut someone let me see really that sounds so fucking stupid then why wouldn't every samurai sword be dull yeah yeah why do people samurais in movies are constantly sharpening their swords? Why would I sharpen any of my fucking knives then? Yes, dull knives are more dangerous than sharp knives. Dull knives require more force to cut.
Increases the chance of knife slipping and causing injury. A dull knife, you have less control over the blade's direction.
For example, when cutting a cantaloupe. This is talking about kitchen knives.
Yeah, dude. That's swords.
More likely to bounce. This is like nerd stat.
This is is a real sharp samurai sword they don't make a dull fucking sword no sam imagine imagine the samurais go out and they come back and the master's like how did you perform yeah who did you kill let me let me i'll be the samurai you be the samurai how did you perform how many you kill i injured four people but you killed them i injured four people what do you mean one man i gave a light beard trim to okay okay but what about tochi hona the one though i told you to go kill him yes I tried to what happened to you I tried to kill him but what ended up happening tell me I ended up giving him a massage with a sword what do you mean I was stabbing him in the back he died he said to the left to the right to the left like a spa spa massage? Kind of. Oh my God.

And then he made me wash his feet after.

Yeah.

It was.

Now when I told you to get the sword

you got the sharp sword, right?

Did you go to the

about that

blacksmith?

I told you to go to the blacksmith.

About that.

Yeah, tell me.

I read somewhere on the internet

that the dull sword is more dangerous.

Oh, did Sensai McCone tell you that? Sensai McCone, I told you he's a dum-dum! Wow. Wow, dude.
Unbelievable. Yeah, this is not sharp at all.
This is actually oddly dull. Getting stabbed or cut, worst literal way to die.
I'm pretty sure, yeah. Not really.
Stabbed to death? No. Stabbed.

Burning is probably,

you probably lose sensation after a little bit.

I'd rather get stabbed to death

than die buried alive in a coffin.

I'm talking about someone doing harm.

Setting you on fire,

drowning you,

stabbing you.

Shooting,

stabbing,

drowning,

setting you on fire.

I can't be buried alive

to be a part of the equation.

That's a long play.

What do you mean it's a long play?

And also,

buried alive wouldn't hurt that much. You'd die of carbon dioxide poisoning.
You would die, but the- You would just fall asleep. 24 hours of panic, though.
I think you'd only panic for like 10, and then you'd be done. 10 minutes? 10 hours.
Yeah, that's insane. I know, but then- The sweating.
You're scratching at the- There's no way, dude. But then think about all the relief of the shit you don't have to do anymore.
Or you know what I would- At the 10th hour, you're like have to do the podcast today umo thurman and punch through oh wow but you'd rather be i feel like we've talked about this before like how would we want to have we i don't know that's like basic 101 podcast you know i mean scenario really how would you want to die like this all right let's. I want to interview one of these kids from the colleges.
You want to put one of these kids on the air? Why not? I'll go pick one. Let Bobby pick.
I'll go pick one. 100%.
I could tell this one was the one that definitely wanted to be on. Yeah, I know.
She was a little chatty when she walked in. Yeah, real chatty.
What's your name, chatty? And confident. My name is Alex.
Nice to meet you. Alex, great to meet you as well.
You're confident, huh? I'm comfortable. This is a fun chair to meet you alex great to meet you as well you're confident huh i'm comfortable this is a fun chair squeaky alex are you a savage um i'd like to think i am what does savage mean it's an old slang term i don't use it anymore yeah it's also it's very un pc to have that on your shirt considering the fact that you're sitting on stolen land uh-oh yeah that's very dangerous to're perpetuating something that's very, very dangerous.
And I got to tell you, Alex, this is very scary. It's not a good way to start.
I'm just kidding with Alex, clearly. It's spooky season.
It's okay. Thank you.
Alex, where are you from? I'm from Connecticut. They're all from Connecticut, right? Doesn't everybody live out there? Oh, I can tell.
Hartford. No, West Haven.
Ooh, West Haven girl. Yeah, right next to New Haven, so.
I hate Hartford, Connecticut. No, you don't.
Don't say that. The club there.
We don't hate it. I don't like the club there.
You don't hate anything about it. Funny bone.
I know, you hate it. Yeah.
Yeah. Alex, what year are you? I'm a grad student.
Yeah, I was going to say, you don't look like you're a first year. Some of the people people he brings in, they look like fresh off the boat, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed.
What's your degree? I'm in the Cinematic Production Management graduate program. What do you want to do? Be an assistant director or producer.
AD is a good job. Yeah.
She kind of looks like one. An AD? No, like an assistant director or producer.
That's what an AD is. That's what I just said.
Yeah. I can scare some people on set.
You do look like an AD. You have the energy of an AD.
For people at home that don't know what that means, you look like you are organized. Aw, thanks.
You have to be really organized. You have to, and you look- You have to handle so much information at one time.
And you have to be good at talking shit about people right after they leave, but they don't hear you.'s what you do i can feel that so hard okay so let's do a scene andrew and i are in a movie you're producing right we do a scene well she's not going to be a director so she's not going to do it i know but she's going to talk shit about me because i'm a bad actor right no she's not yeah so let's let's so i'm gonna we're gonna do a scene yeah and then i'm gonna walk away like all right i'm wrapped right and then she's gonna talk shit about me to me yeah okay because you're the other all right yeah francisco where is my medallion i don't have it francisco you have it i don't fucking have your medallion adios my friend cut all right i'm gonna go get some coffee please all right all right see you later good scene though Good seeing you man Different coverage or Yeah I think we're good We're just gonna use my side Really? Audio I want that to be in there Adios Okay All that See you later Okay Wow that was rough Bad huh? Yeah I think we may need to find someone new You do? Is there any other actors that you have in mind Hey guys- Hey guys, I'm back. Oh God, coffee.
Would you get me a coffee? Oh, sure. You want one? Yeah.
Yeah, what do you want in it? Just cream and sugar. Okay, I'll be right back.
Thanks. All right.
Is there any other actors that you replace him with? Literally anyone else. But off the top of your head, who would come to mind? A big actor.
John Cena. John Cena.
Hey, dude, the coffee's- Dude, it's weird. Oh no, I wanted it black.
I'm so sorry. I just saw John Cena.
Oh, he's cena oh he's here why is he doing here nothing as far as i know maybe he's swinging by to say hi anyway he's wearing the same exact thing i'm wearing he is yeah it's fucking weird i think that's that's how he shows love wait he's will you can you go grab him for us oh hold on but we're in toronto how and he's wearing what i'm wearing and it's weird i texted him and told him what you were wearing okay anyway you want to call just black coffee black coffee and you thank you thanks okay go thank god i was worried that he wasn't gonna make it i was so nervous about that yeah because we got to get this guy the fuck out of here yeah i think it's time it is very much anyway dude it's so weird i'd like you to i just ran into john um alex yeah and i just fuck out of here. No.
Yeah, and he left. Wow, okay.
Yeah, because he was, you know what he was like, I'm here to replace it. I go, that's not even real.
Is that right? Yeah, and I go, get the fuck out of you, piece of shit. What a coincidence.
And he just got in the car and left. So let's, you got the camera? Well, before we roll, Alex, I think I had to say something to you.
Yeah, you're doing. Thank you.
Action. Where's the medallion? I don't have your phone.
Yeah. Adios.
My friend. Cut.
Alex, good job. Thank you.
And you danced around the lies so well. Awesome, dude.
That was very good. That grad school's paying off.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very good.
Hopefully. Do you like Fancy? I do.
I love him. Every single time that I see him pop up on my little Instagram when you guys post about him, I take a screenshot and I send it to our group chat and I'm like, oh my God, look who it is.
And I make him get so embarrassed, especially when he gets recognized in public. Wait.
He gets recognized? He does. No, be real.
No, he does. We were at the Grand Central Market at Nono's Empanadas, and the guy working behind the counter recognized him, and he got so embarrassed.
It was so adorable. You take all these kids to Grand Central Market, huh? That's your move? That's like your date spots? Because he knows.
He goes to the same spot. He knows he's going to get recognized.
100%. That's the way he takes them there.
up dog Can I say something He gets so shy No He fakes it He fakes the shy And like oh no You know this and that But he loves it Yeah It's so gross It's gross Cause he In his heart he's like I'm the man But he wants to act like Oh Oh, you recognize me? You recognize me? How could you recognize me?

Oh, gross.

Piece of shit, dude.

People should start coming up with him more then.

Yeah.

You're a piece of shit.

You're a piece of garbage, dude.

That's so gross.

Fuck you, fancy.

Yeah, fuck off, dude.

So he gets recognized.

That's insane.

Yeah, he does.

He deserves it.

Why does he get recognized?

He's the best.

He is great.

We love him so fucking much.

He's okay.

He's literally papa to us.

He's a papa to you? Yeah, like literally when I first heard about the Q&LA program, I asked my friend Grace who came up here and she was like, oh my God, Andreas is papa. He is your father.
Wow. Like as soon as you come up here.
Zaddy, if you will? Indeed. Yeah, you're a Zaddy.
Wait, wait. Do you fly there to teach or is it Zoom? They come to you.
They come to you. He won't go all the way to us.
We have to go all the way to him. But do you understand everything that he says all the time or no? Do you guys occasionally catch yourself going, what the fuck? We smile and wave.
You do. Yes, that's good.
We nod. Yes, goodbye.
Thank you. You do that to him.
Smart. What kind of movie would you produce if you wanted to produce one? Let's say him's say him and I Were like You know what I mean The new Weinstein But not Yeah Yeah Cinemax We're the Coen brothers You could have picked Anybody else Alright so what movie No let's forget it We're just You know what I mean We're just Jews I.
We're the Feinstein. We're the Feinstein.

The movie's called Just Jews.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm Lodz Feinstein.

This is Frank Feinstein.

We're the Feinstein brothers.

Feinstein brothers.

Pitch us a movie.

Pitch you a movie?

Yeah, yeah.

How you doing?

My back.

I'm sorry.

Oh, you can hold.

What, Frank?

Okay.

Go ahead.

All right.

Like any movie? You're not going to say anything? I'm his brother Frank Oh you're doing regular voice This is how I talk Exactly That's how you've always talked I know That's how I always talk It's a choice Go ahead Well I think you guys would be really good In an overly dramatic soap opera Given your personalities Ooh That's interesting But I thought you were pitching us a movie, not analyzing our, you know what I mean? Well, I mean, a great movie already takes into account their actors' potential behavior. So that's what I think.
That sounds like school. Yeah.
That sounds like school did that to you. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. She's right.
She's going to be good. Yeah.
You really are going to be good, huh? Oh, thank you. And then you'll be able to say you knew me when.
Whoa is bold it's a tough business it's a really tough business it is isn't it and him and i you know have gone through the ringer ringer for many many years we're still being rung oh yeah yeah but we're i think we're seeing the the bright side, the sunny side of our hard work.

Yeah, but you know what it feels like to me?

It's still a grind.

The business feels like,

you know a drive-thru car wash?

You ever been in a drive-thru car wash?

You know, you put your gas station.

It's magical.

Right, it is, isn't it?

But you know what happens when you're in the dead middle of it?

You're like, whoa, look at all that soap.

And all of the fucking arms

want to be all over your car.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you know what starts happening?

You start to see that the end is coming.

You see it.

And you see it and you get closer and it inches you closer.

And you're like, wait, what about I want to do the soap again.

And then you look to the rear.

And you see Matt Rife back there.

There he is.

Getting rubbed.

Right, right.

And you're like, oh, I'm at the.

And ahead of you is like Tom Papa.

An old guy.

He's a great guy. Steve Kravitz or something or whatever.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah. And you're like, oh shit, I see the end of this.
And then a big guy comes over to you and just blows on you to get you dried off. And you're all dry and you're crackling and your hands look old and your face is all fucking weird now.
Yeah. And then nobody wants you to go through the car wash anymore.
Yeah. That's so sad.
Yeah, but that's life. Welcome to the biz, kid.
You teach that shit at your fucking dumb little school? I forgot that part. Yeah.
Well, read the book. Read the book on the biz that me and the kids wrote.
I'm inspired. But then sometimes you see a car go back around and go through the car wash again.
Yeah. So life is just a big car wash.
I've seen a couple of cars go back again. I've seen a car go back in.
Yeah. And then they get again.
Right. In their 60s and you're like, oh, we can go back maybe.
Yeah. Do you believe you're that car? I think I'm already back in the second time.
You're back in for your second time. I would argue, some would argue it's maybe your third time.
It could be my third time back in the car wash. Right.
I cut in line. I'm almost out of my first one.

No, you're in the second one.

I'm in the first one.

No, you're in the second one.

I never went through.

I have my ticket still.

I'll show you. I never went through the first time.

I think Workaholics, not Workaholics, Mixology.

Workaholics wasn't on that shit.

Mixology.

The failed sitcom.

I know.

I think Mixology, that whole time period with Punk'd, and that whole little, it was your

first time in the car wash.

Let me tell you something.

Pre-wash.

What?

That was pre-wash.

That was all pre-wash.

That was the vacuum in the carpet and stuff.

That's all that was.

Well, this is... punked and that whole little it was your first time in the car wash.
Let me tell you something. Pre-wash.
What? That was pre-wash. That was all pre-wash.
That was the vacuum in the carpet and stuff. That's all that was.
Well then if that's the case I'm in my first wash then. You're in your second wash.
No I'm in my first wash. Guys he's in his.
Mad TV. Mad TV.
That was just like mixology. Fuck you.
It's so stupid. That's a bad joke.
It was a cultural iconic show. Shut up.
That was your first wash. Anyway.
Do we know this to be true? We do. How old are you? I'm 21.
Okay, so you don't know any of this. You don't know what we're talking about.
You don't know what MADtv is? No. Oh, my God.
Do you know what 9-11 was? Absolutely. How? My parents talked about it.
A couple of old whites, they would. Right when she's born.
You know, 9-11 happened close what oh no she's a baby alex let's do it you know how why it was so hard to get you into this country because of the flight restrictions how old were you when you came to the united states alex i was actually one years old oh my god that's the one-year-old alex yeah yeah and sweetheart it took us so long no karate we said no karate sweetheart we told you it took you so long to get here because of planes that hit buildings. Okay.
So that's pretty cool. That's pretty cool.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Good for you, Alex.
Alex, okay. We love Alex very much.
Thank you so much. We're going to find somebody else.
That was a great interview. Are you a fan of this show, by the way? Do you know us? I can tell she's not.
No? No, I actually didn't know. Definitely not.
But I have since followed the Instagram. You don't have to.
It's okay. But we still love you.
I want to see all of Andreas that pops up. Okay, good.
Please do. To make fun of him.
Please watch him. All right.
Should we get one more student or no? Do you want to just talk a little bit? All right, Alex, you can jump back out. Thank you.
You're the fucking best, Alex. Alex was great.
Your vibe is great. Your personality is great.
Love you. We love you.
Let's do one more interview, maybe. Are you picking another person? Yeah.
Great. Yeah.
Two guys raised their hands. Well, let him go.
Yeah, let him go. Both of the mics turned on.
They're roommates. Yeah.
They're roommates. Yeah, we've heard this game before.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're roommates, Dad, I promise.
Yeah. Sit in that chair there.
This guy, I really like. Yeah, I did.
This guy, your vibe I like. I remember you.
You walked in first, right? Yes. Grab the microphone.
Grab the mic mic put it right to your mouth remember to vocalize are you nervous get closer closer to the mic to your face sounds like the old days yeah yeah closer to the mic yeah are you nervous you seem nervous well this is yeah i get it are you nervous a little bit yeah a little bit so so what year are you guys at school freshmen both of you no no i'm a grad student seriously yeah how old are you 21 grad student at 21 right do you get out of school at 22 right how old are you i'm 20 but i'm technically a third year but i graduate this year because you only have some sort of prodigy yeah are you are you a genius i think everyone here we're all part of an accelerated program yeah we per semester. Holy shit.
Wow. You guys don't play Fortnite or anything like that, huh? No.
What's your name, dude? Pull that out. Franco.
Franco. Frank-O or Franco, like a nickname? Oh, it's F-R-A-N-C-O.
Franco. Yeah.
Say it like that next time. Say Franco.
Franco. Franco.
What is your name again? I don't know what is what what is your name franco say it with some juice franco franco oh very good very good what's your

name again i'm zach zach uh let's fuck that add some juice to that yeah yeah this is franco

fucking zach dude i'm like b zach fucking zach man there it is very jamaican twist i like that

what's your what's your they just sat down what's your name what's your name franco no no no no no

Thank you. Fucking Zach, man.
There it is. Very Jamaican twist.
I like that, man. They just sat down.

What's your name?

What's your name?

Franco.

No, no, no.

You got to say it.

Confidence.

You fucking rehearsed it, Frank.

Franco.

Franco.

No, no, no.

Franco.

Loud.

Franco.

No, no, no.

Franco.

I am a Franco.

I'm a Franco. I'm a Franco.
Okay, don't. That's racist.
That I don't like. You're Italian, right? I'm 100% Italian.
Are you? Oh, in your face, dude. Wow.
I knew that already when I said it. I've never seen him at the meetings.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And what's your name, dude? I'm Zach, dude.
Zach, dude. Dude.
Zach nailed it. Exactly, dude.
We rehearsed it. Zach nailed it.
So, Franco, what do you want to do when you grow up? I want to get into TV. You want to buy a TV? Oh, yeah.
That's my dream. You want to work at Best Buy? What's going on here, dude? Yeah, no.
I collect CRTs all the time. Do you really? Oh, yeah.
Do you want to produce TV shows? Yeah. Write them? Write them, yeah.
You seem like a good writer. Yeah, I've been writing.
I've written like three scripts in the middle of writing another one right now. Wow.
Features or television? Yeah. TV right now, I got to get better at writing more TV-length episodes.
The first one I didn't even wrote was like 78 pages. So what? Yeah.
Yeah, TV has no bounds now. You can make whatever you want.
Isn't that something you teach them? The's no, the old structural days are over. I bet you he's a little finicky fuck, isn't he? He probably says, you can't write too many pages that you won't even get it through to that blacklist or whatever the fuck he puts on you guys.
You do your own artistic vision, Franco. Whatever you feel in the guts of it, it is.
Tarantino didn't listen to any of those fucking rules. Look at how good he turned out to be.
He broke that bullshit. He smashed down the wall.
We don't need your books. Say that to him.
Say, I don't need your books. I don't need your fucking books, Andre.
Whoa. That was a little aggressive.
It's not what I was trying to get through. How about you, Zach? You same thing? No, PR and media studies double major.
Double major? Double major. Public relations.
Showing off a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And what can you do with that? I that i don't know you can be in pr right now i'm working as a publicist intern oh cool you want to be a publicist uh no after doing that for the last nine weeks definitely do not want to be a publicist what do you want to do uh i have no clue good for you you have someone's time exactly you're 20 years old yeah yeah you got so much time you have so much time dude unbelievable but but we both know that you guys want to be in entertainment of some degree yeah but in new york you're gonna you're never moving to la right i'm already in new york so all right you're never gonna yeah right good for you and you're not gonna move to la yeah i'm probably gonna stay in new jersey stay in new jersey god bless so uh franco you like telling stories yeah tell us one yeah that's Yeah. That's one.
All right. Anything that you, anything.
How about this? Let's just give him a scenario maybe. No, actually, if you want, I got a really good story from one of my jobs or my job work.
I would love to hear it. Let's hear it.
So, over the summer, I worked at AMC, a local AMC theater I live by. Hold on, time out.

Ticket ripping. You name it.

I did the tickets. Popcorn.

Popcorn. I

cleaned theaters

afterwards.

Can I ask one last question because I don't know much about that.

What's the worst thing you've seen in a theater?

I had to

mob up someone's vomit.

Wow. Was he on a sandpick? No, it was a kid.
Franco, go ahead. I'm actually a reek to Parmesan.
It was bad. Yeah.
But there was one night I was working at concessions. And out of nowhere, we hear yelling coming from one of the halls and there is a black couple and a trans lesbian couple whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa if you're going on bravo yeah no this is an andy cohen show yeah what is going on right now no this is definitely cable though yeah this has got to be be cable yeah so um alright go ahead so there's a black couple and a trans couple yeah yelling at each other yeah okay they're all fighting fighting wow let me guess what movie how long ago was this this was in August August August they were watching hold on August this summer this past summer yeah they were watching Joker Patu or whatever that's called no no they were watching...
Hold on. August this summer? This past summer? Yeah.
They were watching Joker, Pat, Do, or whatever that's called. No.
No. They were watching Alien Romulus.
Oh. Oh.
Great movie, by the way. I loved it.
And it's also nice to know for the Alien Romulus people that your movie obviously unites a very vast variety of people. Yeah.
A black couple and a trans lesbian couple. I mean, that's fucking...
That's amazing. That's pretty broad.
So go ahead, Franco. So I have...
have it was apparently one of the trans women was speaking on her phone during the movie her bad so i start arguing and they're getting taken out secure it's getting bad security what are they arguing about oh about the phone one of the trans people yeah yeah on their phone yeah okay and the black man or woman was was yelling at them it was the guy the the black gentleman was yelling at them saying you were on fucking phone during romulus i wanted to watch the movie the guy was not helping any matters he was making like dumb comments about like oh like you're not a real woman or something like that whoa he was thrown in you're not a real woman yeah wow that's where you go though when you're in a fight with even worse uh he was recording it the altercation which you know the best way the scenario is to immediately take out your phone and start recording. The trans person was recording the black people or vice versa? No, the black guy.
Was the trans person still on their phone? Were they still on the phone? That would have been so funny to still be on the phone during the phone. I remember one of them was saying like, oh, like, fuck you.
That's your free speech. That was one of the comments we were hearing.
Oh, interesting. And the black guy was so it's getting exited out.
And he says, okay, sir, was one of the comments and uh they start the black episode's getting exited out and he says okay sir to one of them why did the black guy get exited out and the other people did not interesting move AMC let me guess about the phone the trans phone used to be an iPhone but now it's a Samsung what ended up happening though it's strange those parts aren't compatible yeah they're not compatible yeah you think you could use the same charger but you can't you can't you know you should be able to but nowadays you can they're all usbc aren't they and what happened was one of the one of the transversary ran up to him swung at him he dumped underneath her oh my god picked her up and body slammed her into the floor it was really like a wow like a wrestling event they are athletic incredible they are yeah wait was the black person took the took the trans or trans took the black the trans person tried to punch the black guy exactly and he ducked you never try to punch a black guy that's my book i have a book out right now never try to punch a black guy it's coming out on amazon right now yeah yeah yeah it was now what did you do you were still you were at the popcorn machine yeah i was at concessions so right i i was you want a medium or a large that's all you're thinking yeah you don't want to get involved it was especially awkward because you know we still had to work as it was going on so you know like yeah trying to like figure out what is happening all while people saying like wild that's a crazy fucking story did and the fight ended with the cops coming i imagine yeah the police were called yeah you didn't call the cops did you no you know why say in that camera say franco ain't no snitch we say that right in that camera franco ain't no snitch perfect perfect perfect cut love that yeah you know that's a great story i i mean honestly that's that movie theater working is very interesting to me because you see a lot of types of people come through right and they're mostly nice to you no one's mean to you are they mean to you at the concession i've never been mean to you know i've never seen a mean person at the movie theater isn't that interesting i've never seen someone like get attitudy with a person working at the theater because where would it come from oh okay what i'm saying is like you walk into a retail store sometimes someone's being short with someone that's working in retail yeah because i've had i've had fights in a theater with other customers yeah that's what i'm saying but not to these people because who's gonna get mad what the fuck are they doing they didn't do anything wrong yeah but other people yeah like this like the trans couple and the black couple fighting they were mad at each other but you guys don't get you don't ever have somebody be rude to you no no that's great that's a great gig do you get to watch movies for free there or not oh yeah that's the gig that's the perk that's the perk that's why you do it I saw Alien Romulus in IMAX and I spent zero dollars fuck you wow you rigged the system huh how many times did you see it though I saw it once because it was- What movie have you watched in the theater more than once?

In general or while I was there?

While you were there.

I saw Dead Moon Wolverine twice.

Twice, you loved it?

Yeah, pretty.

Do you ever go turn on a movie when no one's there and just watch it by yourself?

No, I can't.

You don't want to be a little bad boy?

No, you're not allowed to be up there where the projector-

Oh, because it's a fancy guy that works up there?

Fuck that guy.

You get up there and you do it. Did you end up seeing Borderlands? No, I did not.
But did it play in your theater? Did anybody see it? Yeah. Yeah, there were people there.
There was. They had a really cool popcorn bucket.
It was literally like claptrap. It was metal.
Yeah, yeah. Never saw it? That's cool.
I ended up seeing it. Why? I didn't play the game.
So Wolverine twice. I didn't play the game, so I have no attention to Portland.
Interesting, interesting. Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting.
That's the PopTrak popcorn bucket you guys were selling. That's neat.
That's amazing. Whatever you got to do to get the attention.
You know, Jack Black sat right there. Jack Black sat in that very chair that you're in.
Sick. Do you know about this show? Have you guys ever seen this show? I have, yes.
Yes, I can feel that in my bones. I tell him I was coming here And he was very excited, he's a huge fan What's his name? Ben Say hi to Ben Ben, what's up? You suck Perfect, exactly what a brother would do Fuck you, Ben You look like a Sarah Silverman fan Franco Franco, do you like Yeah, I do.
Who's your favorite stand-up, would you say?

I've only gone to like a few shows.

Sure, but like who do you think you like?

Who aligns with you the most in your mind?

You'd go, you know who I like?

If somebody said, let's say you're out with a group of friends and there's a cute chick and she's like, you know who I love?

I love Matt Reif.

He's so fucking hot.

Do you like stand-up?

Do you like stand-up?

Yeah.

Who do you like?

I liked Luis Chet Gomez when I saw him. You like Luis Gomez? Yeah.
Of Skank Fest? Yeah. Of Legion of Skank.
Oh, then you're part of our family. I had no idea.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not going to lie.
I would not have picked that for you. That's insane.
I would have not picked that for you. I saw him in Big J Live.
Whoa! They're our friends. Wow.
Wait a minute. You're cool.
So then you would like this show. Do you know this show? I didn't hear about it until I met.
Andres, good. Well, we're low on the totem pole, I guess.
I guess we're lower than we thought. That hurts me.
It does me too. A little bit.
Anyway. I'm glad at least you said those guys because those guys are funny.
Yeah. You two are great.
We love you. We love you so much.
Give it a hand for these guys. Incredible.
That was great. Great job, boys.
All right, guys. You know, um, we love you we love you so much get to give it a hand for these guys that was great great job boys all right guys you know um we we love to say we have so many things to be grateful for yeah we really do yeah i can't think of any right now no we of course i do i'm grateful for you i'm grateful for you more importantly i'm more i am very grateful i'm being genuine right now i'm grateful for our fans i really am i've been saying it at all my live shows uh genuinely i thank the crowd from the bottom of my heart it means so much to us we do really love you yeah I'm grateful for our fans.
I really am. I've been saying it at all my live shows.
Genuinely, I thank the crowd from the bottom of my heart.

It means so much to us.

We do really love you.

I'm so stoked you guys always come along for the ride,

and you're open for weird, strange, fucking absurd comedy.

And thank you.

We do love you.

I really appreciate you guys.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you. Woo-hoo.
Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.