Fireballs Of Hate Flame

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. You know what I've been watching is

Speaker 2 people, kids watching Sixth Sense for the first time. How do you like not know the outcome of that movie? Well, if kids were people that were born in the year like 2000, a 24-year-old doesn't know.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 I almost just feel like that's something that they, you know.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, soil and green are people. Do you remember that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I never even saw Soil and Green, but I know Soil and Green are people. Yeah, but 99 this movie came out.

Speaker 2 Okay, so kids born in 2000, 2001, young 20-year-olds, they wouldn't have seen this.

Speaker 2 No, I'm saying they haven't seen it, but would they know the, you know what I mean? The bit? The Switch. Right, maybe.
The surprise. I just feel like that's a part of...

Speaker 2 But when you watch YouTubers or people watching it, they get really, oh,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 I don't want to give it away, but they get freaked out. Is it black dudes too, especially? It's always,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean? They got, no!

Speaker 2 By the way,

Speaker 2 you know, we've reached peak internet. Someone literally sent this to me yesterday.
I came up at Index Carlos.

Speaker 2 You know how black dudes will get high and watch comedy stuff? Yeah. There's two black guys that got high to watch Bad Friends.
No. I was like, we made it.
No, I don't even want to. We made it.

Speaker 2 I don't even want to watch it because they laughed. They just get high and watch us.
Do they watch? Yeah. Do they laugh? They were dying.
Yeah. That made me feel so cool.

Speaker 2 That's like when a black guy calls you the N-word. You know what I I mean? And you're like, all right, I'll take it.
Because

Speaker 2 I did a firefighter show.

Speaker 2 You did a firefighter show?

Speaker 2 What did you say?

Speaker 2 A firefighter show? What did you think I said? A firefighter show. I said firefighter show.
That sounds the same.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 slow it down. Do it one more time.
I did a firefighter show.

Speaker 2 That's not what I said. And that's really.

Speaker 2 Come on, Dan. It's a firefighter show.

Speaker 2 Right. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Ryu was there.

Speaker 2 Fireball.

Speaker 2 Hayuken. Is that what he says?

Speaker 2 Wait, what is it? Hayuken?

Speaker 2 Hadoken.

Speaker 2 No, in Street Fighter.

Speaker 2 Is it Street Fighter? Yes, Street Fighter. Street Fighter.
Hadouken. Hadoken.
That's what he said, Hadouken?

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's Hadouken. Okay.
Hadouken, wave motion, or fist of surge, special attack from Capcom Street Fighter. Anyway.
Sorry. So you're at a Firefire show.

Speaker 2 Am I saying it right? I think so. Yeah.
A

Speaker 2 Fireman show.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's gay.
Yeah, it sounds like a burlesque. That's gay.
A little gay burlesque. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're going to put you out.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Well, then forget it. No, come on.
I mean, I don't even want to partake anymore. You were at a firefighter show.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 God, it's it's a dead end, huh?

Speaker 2 Not at the firefighter show. Your end's always open.

Speaker 2 So it was a benefit show at the improv. And it was, so it was me, Griffin,

Speaker 2 right, Amir Kay, and Fitzsimmons. I love Amir.
I love Fitz. Fitz, right? And Griff.
I love Griff.

Speaker 2 But the first part of the show was firefighters doing stand-up.

Speaker 2 Oh, like local LA departments. Wow.
Yeah. And they had about eight of them.
It was to raise money for these guys? It was like some sort of benefit for fire people. What is going on with this?

Speaker 2 They're always handing out buckets. They need money, these guys.
What's going on with these guys? Dude, fighting fire is expensive. They're never doing it.
Water you need? What else do you need?

Speaker 2 They're never fighting fire.

Speaker 2 Just water. Oh, you got to have a dog.
You got to have Dalmatian. You need the Dalmatian? You do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. For optics.
Right. No, they go.
Oh, maybe the shiny red paint. Yeah, the fire.

Speaker 2 You got to shine that up. The what? The fire truck? Yeah.
It's already pre-shined. Yeah, but

Speaker 2 those those are extra shiny. See, that's why it starts to get real gay.
They're in the firehouse.

Speaker 2 They're shining it up all day with their shirts off. They're just lifting weights.
They have their hoses out.

Speaker 2 There's a pole.

Speaker 2 There's a pole. There's a pole.
They're raising money. And a floor glory hole.

Speaker 2 A floor hole. A gigantic.
A flory hole. A floor hole.
A milking table with earth.

Speaker 2 Yeah, kind of. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 You can do that like on a beach.

Speaker 3 You can lay.

Speaker 2 I have no idea what you're saying.

Speaker 2 Continue the story. Okay.
Anyway. Don't give him too much air time.

Speaker 2 So, you know, I went early. We all went early.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 number one, they killed. No way.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 One after another. I'm not kidding you.
Who was in the crowd? People whose houses were on fire? No, no.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. Other fire people.
Oh, it's all fire people. Yeah, it's all firemen.
Well, that's why they cut that. No, but no, but they were actually okay.

Speaker 2 Like, who wrote the jokes for them? I don't know. And they all had different point of views.

Speaker 2 They all went, it got to the point, though, dude, where me, Griffin, and Amir were standing there and we all were holding each other, going, what if we bomb?

Speaker 2 It would be, because we're supposed to be the pros. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 So then Eric goes up there. He does good.
I'm next, right?

Speaker 2 And I don't know why I brought this up because you brought up the two

Speaker 2 black guys watching, right?

Speaker 2 And this dude, this black dude had shades on. You know how sometimes they get Martin Lawrency?

Speaker 2 100%. You know what I mean? Like, they get like

Speaker 2 Biden-y. Yeah.
Like, you know what I mean? They just get all, hold on. They just get all like, where am I? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 What are you talking about, dude?

Speaker 2 They get all.

Speaker 2 I was with you with Martin Lawrence.

Speaker 2 You lost me.

Speaker 2 No. He was an older black guy, right? He's wearing like a brown track suit.
He was wearing shades. And he was just kind of going, where am I? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 was he on stage no he was off to the side okay you know how you go down the stairs he was sitting there with shades with a beautiful his wife yeah you know what i mean but they're older and he also they like to sit i don't say they

Speaker 2 that's insane that's insane what i'm doing i know what you were saying no yeah

Speaker 2 but you know he had like one leg on something like this like this i think that like this as if he was in a park on a bench drinking lemonade

Speaker 2 in a nice summer day and you know what color it is it's pink it's purple it's pink it's grape

Speaker 2 Black people love pink lemonade. They do.
The way that we love Arnold Palmer. So this guy, right, I was observing him.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was dying laughing at every fireman. Okay.
Okay. He was a fireman himself.
I don't know. I didn't ask him.
He must have. You know what I mean? And he was laughing.
But then when I went up,

Speaker 2 ice cold.

Speaker 2 Ice cold like a river. Nothing.
Nothing. Not a smile, not a smirk, not a wink.

Speaker 2 He almost looked mad.

Speaker 2 When I get nervous and I have to do well, I start getting real weird fast up front. I know.
You know what I mean? I make my hair weird. But I like it.

Speaker 2 I stumble on stage like a character, you know what I mean? And I just start going, peep, peep, peep, peep. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Poking my pee-pee, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, I'll literally go, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, beep, like that, right? And he, our immediate like,

Speaker 2 nah. Nah, he didn't like that.
I crushed. Still.
But still, I couldn't break him. Yeah, you never never will.
I will. No, you will not.
One day I will. Sir, wherever you are,

Speaker 2 come back to a show, sir. Let's see if we can really crack you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, anyway.

Speaker 2 Do you know how much money they raised for firefighters? I didn't ask. My grandfather was a firefighter.
You know that?

Speaker 2 And I've talked to him over the years, and I said, you know, cops get a lot of like flack. You know, cops are always, they're always like, cops are racist.
You know, that's a lot of flack people say.

Speaker 2 I don't know about that. You never heard this? Never heard that.
Good.

Speaker 2 But I think it's interesting that people always say, like, oh, cops are racist. All the cops are bad.
All cops are racist. Firefighters never.

Speaker 2 No one ever says that about them. I don't think they are.
Oh, they are. Yes, they are.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what. Can I give you a theory, maybe? Yeah, dude.
They're just stronger cops. Yeah.
Imagine it's a job that you have

Speaker 2 when only one specific event happens. Yeah.
Right? So there could be a month that goes by, no? Like you're a robbery. Is there a fire every day? No.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is that i assume months go by they rescue cats from trees they do but fuck you all right 176 fire stations exist now how many fires are there in the united states no but in l.

Speaker 2 in lay i will say this yeah out every day look at this approximately 17 000 fires in the city that also includes like small shop front fire that's yeah

Speaker 2 that's not a big that's not you know yeah exactly it's not real it's not real arson that includes arson arson so 46 a day Oh, so then they're always working. They're probably pretty busy, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, then my theory's wrong.

Speaker 2 I always assume, like, you know, they're just playing like Jenga up there in the firehouse. You know what I mean? And then, oh, man, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I don't know why I said it like that, but like, oh, man, fire. Let's go.

Speaker 2 And they go down the pole. They have way more medical emergencies than the West Hollywood Fire Department.
That's all medical emergencies. Oh, that's what they had.
Because I used to,

Speaker 2 you know, we used to. Because when you get something stuck up your ass, they got to be there for all that.
No, Kalalo used to get heart murmurs. No, I get them all the time.

Speaker 2 And then we call the ambulance. No, I don't do that.
And a fire truck would come sometimes. They have to.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they come.
Why, though? Why what? Why the fire truck? Well, because

Speaker 2 they want to show off their big ladder.

Speaker 2 No, they have, I think it's part of the, it's a part of,

Speaker 2 it's required that they have to show up with it with paramedics.

Speaker 2 Because in case someone's stuck in something or who knows, well, here, let's get the fucking answer from this woman. The goal is to get help who needs it as fast as possible.

Speaker 2 Ambulances can be delayed or unavailable at the time because paramedics also are EMT.

Speaker 2 EMTs also can be firefighters, or they have to be.

Speaker 2 Oh, I think you're right because I think

Speaker 2 a couple of times ambulance didn't come. It was only a firefighter.
But he had, but he had all the equipment. Yeah, he had the experience.
And they had that. Wow, they do so many things.

Speaker 2 Would you get her heart shocked back into

Speaker 2 rhythm? She had an ablation, so we got a couple of operations on her heart. Wow.
Yeah. I get murmurs all the time.
Do you ever

Speaker 2 get worried about it? Yeah. Yeah.
A lot.

Speaker 2 Have you thought considered an ablation? ablation?

Speaker 2 You know what it is?

Speaker 2 A black Asian? Yes. I should have said, have you considered getting a tiger woods?

Speaker 2 That's what they call the surgery. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought about doing something to it, but my doctors have always said it's okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I guess they go, it's like a little, they go through all the like veins and stuff on one side of the body with a, with, I don't know. Usually go through your belly button a lot.

Speaker 2 That freaks me out. They open up your belly button.

Speaker 2 You know, my wife had surgery. They go through your belly button.
Yeah. Yuck.
You know how they say that one day we're going to have chips on our arms? Will you do that?

Speaker 2 With all our information, our credit cards, everything. You know what I mean? You'll do it.
For sure. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How convenient. I would do it.
You won't do that? Why'd you shake your head? No. That shit scares me.
I don't know. Why?

Speaker 2 It's just like when that starts conflicting with like mechanical with human stuff, like with brain and neural mechanical. I'm not saying I'm going to get my arm replaced.

Speaker 2 Take a little chip, dude. You think it's going to lead to Neuralink shit?

Speaker 2 I don't even like driving cars that they can turn off with a computer. That's why I drive an old accord.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 That's why you drive an old accord? That ain't you being broke.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this guy's fucking. Let us be me.

Speaker 2 Let us be me. Okay.
Bridges of Madison County or something. You know what I mean? That's because you are broke.

Speaker 2 No, what I'm saying is you have your credit card, your

Speaker 2 ID, and also maybe a way to open up your front door with your arm. Oh, cool.
Oh, I like that, too. You know what I mean? Click, click, click, click.
Yeah, but think about it.

Speaker 2 Somebody follows you home, they grab you, they just put your arm up to the door. Oh, that's true.

Speaker 2 it, right, right, right, right, right, right. Can't have that, yeah.
Okay, there was a bump in the night the other night by the house, by the way. I got nervous, I grabbed my gun in your mansion

Speaker 2 in my home, your gigantic mansion. Okay, so, um, my home is not your house is the same size as my house.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I love when you try to start fights with me. You just started

Speaker 2 it.

Speaker 2 Who fucked you? I started it.

Speaker 2 I don't want to go there. You just started.
I don't want to go there with you, dude. But stop doing this.

Speaker 2 Stop lying. Stop, you know what I mean? About what? Gaslighting.

Speaker 2 That's so, the irony of this is staggering. You're literally gaslighting.

Speaker 2 You're literally doing it. And let me say what you're doing.
You're gaswriting me. So.
Gas writing.

Speaker 2 No more gaslighting. Oh, now you're doing an Asian accent.
That's when you're scared. That's how I get out of it.

Speaker 2 When he gets scared, he does an Asian accent. All right.
No, you aren't. You made fun of your mom.
You got scared. And you did my mom.
You brought Asian accent. Okay.
And it crushed.

Speaker 2 That's what you did. That's your fucking crush.
And it made that. That went viral.
But my point being is that you're scared right now and calm down. I'm not scared.
Calm down. You started it.

Speaker 2 That's an insane job. Did you guys go to the house? Yes, they've all been in my home.
Whose house is bigger?

Speaker 3 They're honestly the same. If you add up the driveway and everything, oh, you're going to put my driveway in it?

Speaker 2 I have a long driveway. How is that an equation? That's included.
That's not a living space. Thank you.
It could be. No, it's not.
So my point is: is this. Okay, let me reiterate and let me say it.

Speaker 2 Because the first time I went to his house was during his birthday party, right? The old house? The new one. Yeah.
I don't want to sterify with you, but you're doing it. I know.

Speaker 2 But I walked in and i remember going oh i might have to move that's the first thought what do you mean because you that's because let me i'm going to be honest with you dude sure all right

Speaker 2 i went to your front lawn pretty good nice lawn thanks you have a gate and the whole thing yeah electrical you know yeah gate system right

Speaker 2 you walked out of these gigantic doors not that your house is big but you have gigantic doors it's a big door i'm 6'1.

Speaker 2 right right i mean all doors are big to you right okay you can make fun of me all you want, but I'm trying to be honest with you. Well, I'm also trying to put comedy in the show.
Yeah, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 And so then

Speaker 2 you go, come on in,

Speaker 2 Lang Mong, or whatever you fucking you always say. You know what I mean? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make something unfunny if you're going to say that.

Speaker 2 Wake it up and be funny. Ling Ling or whatever.
Yeah, I say, come on in, Ling Ling. I go, Ling Ling's here.
Ling Ling's here, right?

Speaker 2 I walk in, and I remember my first thing is I looked around high ceilings. Do you not have high ceilings? Yeah, they're big.
They're tall.

Speaker 2 Well, they're tall. Right.
And then I also, like, I'm like,

Speaker 2 the living room is so far away from where I am.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be real. It's in the back of the house.
You don't know where it is. It's in the back of the house.
Yeah. So it's like, you know, my site isn't that bad, right?

Speaker 2 In your house, you have to go up to the living room. You can also not see it.
Thank you. You have to walk upstairs to your living room and your house.

Speaker 2 Two studio apartments on top of each other.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you went up there. They have bedrooms.
Thank you, McConnell.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 no, I will admit that my house is,

Speaker 2 I prefer the design of my house better than yours. Sure, that's why you live there.
Yeah. With cat shit all over the fucking place, it's great.

Speaker 2 Okay, you can make jokes. That's the show that we're on.
I know. You can do what you're doing right now, dude, and I'm fine with it because I'm just being honest with you.
So am I.

Speaker 2 In high ceilings, I go, I don't know where the living room, but it's pretty far away, probably half a mile away. And I walked in there, and then I went,

Speaker 2 my thought was, I might have to at least get a house comparable to this because I want to feel like we're on the same level. But I remember having these thoughts, thoughts.

Speaker 2 And why would I have these thoughts, Carlos? Do you think?

Speaker 3 You're breaking the 10th commandment. It's jealousy.

Speaker 2 Exactly, dude. What is that? It's jealousy.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor, dude. Yeah, yeah.
Don't covet. So I was coveting you, dude.
Stop coveting me.

Speaker 2 I'm going to cover it before the rest of my life. I don't want you to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I'm covet king.
You're already breaking so many of the things. So here's what it is.

Speaker 2 You live in a house bigger than 99.9% of the houses in the world. Can we say that? Well, the world? Yeah.
Yeah, most people live in fucking huts. Exactly.
So I'm not being lying.

Speaker 2 Not bigger than 99% of the United States. Yeah.
No, it's not. Let's move on.
So what were you going to say? It's not even.

Speaker 2 Let's move on. What are you going to say? Well, if you let me tell the story, that's not it at all.
Well, let me finish with my little pointer here. Because there was a gunshot outside.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It could have been in the gun. And then there was rustling next door.
Okay. Continuous.
And then I got worried. All right.
So start from the beginning. So I grabbed the game.

Speaker 2 Start from the beginning. Go ahead.
There was a. You're in your mansion.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you're laying down. Well, I'm in one of my hyperbaric chambers that I sleep in.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, so I was in my money room.
Yeah. And I was sleeping.
I have a money room that I sleep in. Yeah.
Yeah. And

Speaker 2 I was swimming. Actually, I was taking a late-night Scrooge McDuck swim.
I have gold coins. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You have a moat. It's a 30-foot pool of money.
Yeah. No, I'm sleeping.
I hear a gunshot. I panic.

Speaker 2 Then there's a text stream between our neighbors. Did anybody hear that who heard the blah, blah, blah? You know, like there's a, so then I'm really like on edge.

Speaker 2 So then I grab my gun and I go downstairs. You have a gun? In my underwear.
You have a gun.

Speaker 2 Be real. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What kind? I have a Glock.

Speaker 2 Okay, so

Speaker 2 I bring my gun downstairs. Yeah.
And I walk outside. That's me.
That's what I look like from American History X. Yes.

Speaker 2 And I was outside scanning around for the noises that I was hearing because I was hearing noises then after the shot. So I thought, can you, can you?

Speaker 2 Someone's on the run from the cops in my mind, and they're jumping into yards. That's my biggest fear is someone tries to break into your house.
This happened last night? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 This is like four nights ago. Okay.

Speaker 2 So I was with somebody in my house. What?

Speaker 2 Same thing. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And this person that was in my house, a young lady. You mean? Obviously.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 She goes, is there always a helicopter above your house? This is four nights ago. And you're saying, I'm rich.
You used to have a helicopter waiting for you at all hours of the night.

Speaker 2 I don't own it.

Speaker 2 No, I don't own it. It just takes me to the concert.
Ready to go. It takes me to the concert.

Speaker 2 No, there was literally a helicopter doing a circle in my neighborhood with the spotlight. Oh, the hate.
Dude, panic. Right.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is, it could have been the same night that you heard the gunshot. Because we live five minutes away from each other.
Yes, that's true. So this could be connected.

Speaker 2 Okay, so fucking, I didn't hear a helicopter. I'm scared.
It's quiet outside.

Speaker 2 There's rustling and banging,

Speaker 2 and I'm nervous, right? And I'm very scared because I think this is how I die. She's fine.
I'll get killed. Is your wife sleeping? She's wide awake.
She's scared because we both heard it.

Speaker 2 And then, of course, I'm out there and

Speaker 2 rustling, rustling. I go peek around the corner.
Oh, it's just a raccoon on a garbage can.

Speaker 2 That's it. How did he shot? He had a gun.

Speaker 2 A little raccoon with a gun. I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was just trying to get food.
I think you're lying. Yeah, I am.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I feel like you're lying.

Speaker 2 No, no, but there was a loud rustle. It did scare the body.
But what time was it? I'm being real because I remember going, what is going on in our neighborhood? Had to be

Speaker 2 not super late, but like, I mean, not early in the morning, maybe like 1 a.m. It wasn't that.
It was like, I just had started to fall asleep.

Speaker 2 Just after midnight. I'm so glad you brought that up because it just brought up another thing that I have a problem with you about.

Speaker 2 Okay. Today, all day today.
All day today.

Speaker 2 It kind of made me mad. Can somebody draw a raccoon with a gun for the show? Yeah, please.
On a trash can?

Speaker 2 I feel like you and I are best friends, right? You're my best friend. One of my best friends.
You're my best friend. I have a couple.
You're the only one for me. No, I know you have a couple.

Speaker 2 Name one. Charlie Day.
That's not my best friend. He's a buddy.
You're my best friend. Anyway, and we share things.
Yes. Fluids.
Yeah. Right?

Speaker 2 Ideas.

Speaker 2 Also, our loves and dislikes. That's true.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I don't like it when you hoard things, though. What did I keep from you? I'm going to tell you in a second.
Okay. Okay.
I don't like it when you hoard things. And I draw the line here.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 Don't do that. Well, what is it? Don't do that with your fucking nose.
Well, that's why I get nervous. Okay.
So

Speaker 2 I was at the comedy store the other night, maybe a week ago. Yeah.
And Brett Moran goes, there's a great restaurant. Okay.
And I go, really? And he goes, I think it's arrivals like the best.

Speaker 2 Well, you're smiling. I know what it is.
I know exactly what it is. I know you know.
All right. I know you know.
Okay. Okay.
So he said it's BLVD

Speaker 2 on Ventura. Yeah.
I had no idea about it. Right.
Right. So in my mind, I'm, you know, I'm on a date.
We go make reservations. I sit down and

Speaker 2 the waiter comes up to me and the manager and they go, finally,

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Speaker 2 And I go, finally what? They go, well, Andrew comes here twice a week.

Speaker 2 Stop! Stop! Stop! This is the fucking truth. No way.
I'm telling you the truth. And I don't like it when people laugh at truisms.
It's insane. It's not insane.
Twice a week.

Speaker 2 Twice a week. And we were wondering when you're going to come in here, right?

Speaker 2 And I went,

Speaker 2 yeah?

Speaker 2 Like, how many?

Speaker 2 They go, a lot. He comes in a lot.
No, he doesn't. I'm going to tell you why this is true, okay, in a second, okay?

Speaker 2 They go, okay. Wow.
You never really ever mentioned it, right?

Speaker 2 And then the food's great. It's familiar.
It's excellent. It's delicious.
It's excellent, right? Delicious. And then you, I text you

Speaker 2 the menu. Picture the menu.
A picture of the menu.

Speaker 2 And you go, oh, yeah, that place is great. And I said, I'm close.
Yeah, and I'm close. And I go there all the time.
And I said, and I come over after? No. Yes, I did.
Oh, maybe. And what I'm saying is

Speaker 2 you hoarded that restaurant. I did not.
Yeah, you did. And you know what, dude? This is I'll start hoarding.
Pissing me off, dude.

Speaker 2 I'll start hoarding friends, um, restaurants, and yogurt shops, and coffee shops, and everything, right? And keep secrets to myself. That's fucked up, dude.
No, dude. That's a great restaurant.
Okay?

Speaker 2 You do it all the time. Such a

Speaker 2 time. It's such an exaggeration.
He does it all the time. I've shared more than I've taken away.
Another one, a Mexican restaurant. He's done that.
Which one?

Speaker 2 I forgot what it was called, but you're like, and I go to the spot. Oh, no, what it was is Italian restaurant.
Remember that Italian restaurant near our house? Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you go, and we're sitting there and you go, Yeah, come here. I've been coming here for years.

Speaker 2 Right. And it's like two minutes from our house.
I go, hmm, never heard of it. Yeah, but first of all, yeah, so it's hoarding things.
I share more than I hoard.

Speaker 2 I share more than I hoard. Hey,

Speaker 2 hey.

Speaker 2 Bobby is here saying the manager at Boulevard, BLVD, says that I go there twice a week, or I go there all the time. How many times have we gone there? We've been there twice.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 We've only been, was it in the same week? Same week.

Speaker 2 No. No.

Speaker 2 Months apart. Twice that you're aware of.

Speaker 2 Bobby. Why?

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 Is that not the truth?

Speaker 2 I've only been twice. Thank you so much.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you. That's bullshit.
In your fucking face.

Speaker 2 She's always been on your side. No shit.

Speaker 2 In a war? She's on your side. But first of all,

Speaker 2 twice a week is chaos. What I want to say is...
I will never, I don't hoard from you,

Speaker 2 and it's not deliberate. But I've introduced you to a lot of spots.
Let's be honest. I've taken you to spots and I've gone, I think you'd like this.
And he knows that's true.

Speaker 2 And you go, this is really good. Thank you for telling me.
Yeah, but when you say I've been coming here for years, it kind of hurts me. That's fine.

Speaker 2 That place is brand new, but the Italian place was my little spot. Yes, that was.
Oh, you hoarded that. You admit that? Fine, that's fine.
Okay, okay. So he he does born.
You know why? All right.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you why? Because I like to go alone. I used to like to go to that place alone.
Okay. So sometimes when I was your quiet time at a fancy Italian restaurant.
Okay. I've seen you eat alone.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 I have no friends. Oh.

Speaker 2 Me fucking either.

Speaker 2 What? You're the only guy I know. Do you?

Speaker 2 Hello? Hello. Oh my God.
You are doctor friend.

Speaker 2 You're professor friend, dude. Dude, you have so many friends.
You're the fucking guy of friends, dude. Did I go to the med school for friends? Let me say that.

Speaker 2 Euro is: I'm on a golfing trip with all your friends. Let me tell you something.
I'm alone. When I walk in a room,

Speaker 2 when I walk in a room. Well, you guys don't back me up either.
You know he has more friends. When I walk in a room, the theme song of friends comes on.
That's how many friends I have.

Speaker 2 Everywhere I go, I'll be there. Or cheers.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Where everybody knows.

Speaker 2 That's you.

Speaker 2 Your cheers. It is Bobby's bam, bum

Speaker 2 yeah yeah i you have friends that was really good that was really good thank you but but also um carlos all right um let's be can we i'll be honest yeah you don't hang out with a lot of people exactly you're just like on date thank you so professor friend okay this sounds like a you thing

Speaker 2 than a me thing

Speaker 2 and i'm your best friend or One of them. Apparently, you don't have any fucking friends.
So I'm not even your best friend. You don't even have any friends.
That's more and more. You're almost there.

Speaker 2 I should be there. You're almost there, dude.

Speaker 2 You changed some of your behaviors.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? The hoarding. No.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Open your heart completely to me. Name one person on earth.

Speaker 2 Name one person on earth that's not blood to you that

Speaker 2 cares about you the way I care about you. And it's Gene Hong.
Gene Hong, does he check in? Yeah, I could text you right now. I texted me today.
What did he say today?

Speaker 2 I'll show you.

Speaker 2 I'm glad you said that.

Speaker 2 Bring it up. Let me see.
He's your best friend? Yeah, he goes,

Speaker 2 when can we do dinner and catch up? Yeah, which is this weekend. What do you say? What's the previous text? He goes,

Speaker 2 he goes, did you eat yet? I'm hungry and dumb already ate. I go, I'm on Ozimpic.
And I go, I knew it. He goes, I knew it.
Fuck, I'm going to be the fat one in the group now.

Speaker 2 Then Saturday goes, dinner. Didn't respond to that.
Fat one. Wait, wait, wait.
The group. Oh, this is interesting.
Like the group of the friends? That's interesting.

Speaker 2 That's an interesting thing to bring up, Your Honor. Did you just

Speaker 2 interesting, interesting, interesting. The group, which means dumbfounded.
Okay, okay. Who else is in your little group? Uh-oh.
Ali Wong. Who else is in your little group? We went bowling.

Speaker 2 Jimmy Oyang. We went bowling.
Who else is in your group? Ronnie Chang. But Asians in your group are not considered a complete person.
Ken Jong. Yeah, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Asians aren't considered a full, complete person.

Speaker 2 They like clowns. Well, five to one.
We like clowns, right? If 80 of us come out of a car, it's like one person. Well, five to one, right? Five to one.
Five to one.

Speaker 2 So my point is that you can't count that. I think I do.
And it's also when I do Asian Korean gatherings, right? They just happen to be there. That's what friends do.
Yeah. You just happen to show up.

Speaker 2 You know, and it's like a Ching Chong Fest. I don't know what else to call it, you know? It's an Asian fest.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I should have read the text. Yeah.
It gave it away. Yeah.
Do you buried yourself? Yeah, I buried myself in that. You buried yourself.
That's why I'm, you know, I'd be a bad lawyer.

Speaker 2 I would forget things. Yeah.
Oh, no. You would just, yeah.
You would just give them information they shouldn't fucking have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
By the way, speaking of lawyers, let's not go to this.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, I know. Oh, no, I know.
No, let's.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, you. Let's get it over with.
No, okay. You asked me why I was bummed out lately.
Yeah. I think that was the foundation of it.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I did see this. I sent this to you.

Speaker 2 You rubbed it in my face last week. No, I didn't.
No, I didn't. What I said was

Speaker 2 I said it's blasphemy. And I said to Carlos.
It's a smirk. I said he's going to be pissed off.

Speaker 2 Tom DeLong is being inducted into the Powwe High School Hall of Fame. Tom DeLong of Blink 182.

Speaker 2 By the way, the thing that I was upset about was there was another woman that was inducted who I don't think is famous. None of them are.
Well, Tom DeLong.

Speaker 2 He's the only, he's the first guy that's famous that is actually in the Hall of Fame.

Speaker 2 Before it's like scientists, there was one guy, an actor, who was like, he started a community theater in North Park. You mean for gay men it's like okay

Speaker 2 he's in well maybe you need to do something like that important work something for the community oh you think i'm not doing an important work

Speaker 2 for for them

Speaker 2 yeah but i i don't know what they want and and when i went to school there i didn't know what they wanted

Speaker 2 i didn't feel a part of i felt ostracized And not by the school itself, by the people that inhabited it.

Speaker 2 Well, just the whole, I mean, you have to understand, Powey High School was that controversy where that kid wore that anti-gay t-shirt and he went to court for it. I don't remember this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, look it up. So, Powwe High Some kid wore I hate gays or something like that? No, it was like it was like a derogatory t-shirt with you know, I mean, that expressed his point of view about

Speaker 2 gay is not okay. Is that what he wore? I don't know, but what I want to say is what I've done for the school, okay,

Speaker 2 it was I was on two sporting teams, yeah, wrestling and uh tennis. Oh, okay, right.
What I forgot, Yeah, yeah. Um, I was a peer counselor.
You were? Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 I don't know why you're a smirking guy. So I thought you said it was a pear counselor at first, and I thought, yeah,

Speaker 2 like the fruit?

Speaker 2 I didn't know they did counselors by shape.

Speaker 2 The good one. All right, go on.

Speaker 2 You were a peer counselor. You were on two sports.
Two sports. Everybody liked you.
You were a musician. Did you play at the no, I wasn't a musician then, but I was also in a play.

Speaker 2 And also, fourthly, though, I also was, I got sober my junior year. Right.
So my senior year, I was like, you know, I participated in, you know what I mean,

Speaker 2 12-step kind of things and spread a positive message, you know what I mean, at school. You know, I think what they're

Speaker 2 basing it on is my nudity

Speaker 2 and my. What does that have to do with anything? That's what I'm saying.
I mean, that's my point of view. No, I think they're basing it on.
I think they're basing it on the fact that

Speaker 2 you are

Speaker 2 free,

Speaker 2 creative, wild, unhinged, and these people on that list are probably bridled, protected, safe.

Speaker 2 You're free. You're an artist.
Yeah. They don't have any wild artists on there.
Like, did you remember like

Speaker 2 they had a counselor for like, what was it called? It was like an occupational counselor or something where

Speaker 2 you know, that you would see somebody, like, you know, I mean, a staff member of the school and they would direct your life, yeah, occupational therapist or whatever.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but we had that where it was like, and I remember going in, they're like, All right, well, um, they looked at my grades and they go, Wood shop.

Speaker 2 And I go,

Speaker 2 I was a junior, I was like, Woodshop. I mean, that's because you're failing in all these things, and you have no asset or ability, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm like, you know, I, I, if, if, if I could go back now, I would go, yeah, but I'm funny.

Speaker 2 Is there a path for that? Right. But that to that school, that kind of is not even a, they wouldn't never promote that or give you an option.
It wasn't an artistic school. Didn't have a

Speaker 2 thing. Yeah, it's like, it's either you become an engineer or lawyer, doctor, or whatever, whatever, right? Or businessman, or you're working with wood.
Right. You know what I mean? Carpenter.

Speaker 2 I don't know what, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You're a welder or whatever. I've also never, never in my life seen an Asian carpenter.
Yeah, you wouldn't last a day.

Speaker 2 I've never seen an Asian. Look, Google, are there Asian carpenters? I cannot.
Was Jesus Asian?

Speaker 2 I don't think there's ever been an Asian carpenter.

Speaker 2 Yes, there are Asian carpenters. There are buildings? Who built the buildings in Asia?

Speaker 2 The buildings in Asia? We send white people over there. No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Not Africans. There's a guy's Instagram called The Asian Carpenter.
Exactly. Well, let me see some of his work.
Let's see some of his work, dude. Look at that table.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's a standard, very good. table.
He built just the legs, it says. He didn't even build the top.
All right. Fuck this guy.
Anyway, that's nice. Doesn't look any carpentry to me.

Speaker 2 Oh, staircasing. That's the ceiling.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 Anyway, um,

Speaker 2 anyway. But what, I mean, it's just, so I remember at school when I was in high school, I was like, I remember going, oh, I'm fucked.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I felt the exact same. Because like, you have, they told you to your face, there is no future for you.
Yeah. And this is where you

Speaker 2 suggest you go. And I'm like, I can't believe it.
There's no way. So I had to go out in the world and, you know, feel some pain.
Yeah. And then it drove me into whatever I'm doing now.

Speaker 2 But look at what you look at you now.

Speaker 2 I think that in many ways, Powell High School drove me into this because it's like they were, they didn't support me. Right.
And so, um. That made you stronger.
So now, you know what?

Speaker 2 With that point of view, I don't want to be in the Hall of Fame. Good.
But you do. I don't.
You do a little bit. I do.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I sure do, but you know what?

Speaker 2 But if it doesn't happen, I understand it should happen, and I don't understand. And I will say this: I'm going down to San Diego to do shows down there, I'm thinking about stopping by.

Speaker 2 No, when are you going? Paying a little

Speaker 2 visit. When are you going? I think it's in February.
I don't know. I have to go.
I have to go with you. Yeah, you do.

Speaker 2 I think I'm going to pay a little fucking visit to Palmer. Powell High School.
I think it's the move. In fact, you know what I would love to do? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Doug Stanhope used to do shows at Montreal across the street from like the corporate venues or whatever. I think it was Montreal.
Yeah. Have you heard about that? I remember that, yeah.

Speaker 2 We should do a show across the street, a pop-up show across the street from Powwe High. Where is Powwe High? Look at Poway and what's across the street.
Is there like a field or something?

Speaker 2 I think there's a theater attached to Powwe High School. I don't know if you can rent that out.
It's got to be theirs, though. Oh, that's on them.
Yeah. Listen up.

Speaker 2 If there's anybody at the Performing Arts Center.

Speaker 3 That has nothing to do with the high school, I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that Poway Center for the...

Speaker 2 I think it's attached to the school, but I think that it's private. Like we can rent it.
Maybe we should do our 250 episode from there.

Speaker 2 Just getting sick of his shit. I know.
Just getting real sick of his shit. Let's let go of this.
I mean, are you in yours Hall of Fame at your school? There is no Hall.

Speaker 2 We don't have a Hall of Fame, but I'm in like the Wikipedia page. Yeah, me too.
I'm in the Wikipedia. Yeah, no, we don't have a Hall of Fame.
Yeah, yeah. You don't have one?

Speaker 2 No, it's actually very weird. I've never...
Why don't you start one up? Well, I've never heard of this until your school. Do you guys know about your Hall of Fame having...

Speaker 2 Andres, I'm clearly not asking you. You didn't go go to high school.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, well, you're at Carlos.
Your school doesn't have a Hall of Fame.

Speaker 3 No, my dad's in the Hall of Fame at the military school I went to.

Speaker 2 That's not what we asked. That's not what we asked.
Interesting. I was just proud.
Yeah, it has nothing to do with you. Anyway, how about you, McCone? I don't know.
Can I tell you what I think it is?

Speaker 2 What? And you're going to be so mad. No.
It's just too far away from fame.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? I'm too far away from fame. No, what I'm saying is that, like, you know, obviously...
When you go out into the, you know, it's just less famous people come from smaller towns.

Speaker 2 Like, for instance,

Speaker 2 if you go to like Beverly Hills High, right? Oh, right. How many famous people came from there? A lot.
Because

Speaker 2 the businesses just are enveloped around them. Right.
It's access and, you know,

Speaker 2 through nepotism and whatnot. Yes, yes, yes.
And it's in the city. And the know how the thing is.
It's in the city, right?

Speaker 2 So I'm sure if you saw the Beverly Hills High School Hall of Fame, there's a shit stacked.

Speaker 2 But then if you go to like, you know,

Speaker 2 Puria, Illinois, some school there's Hall of Fame. There's probably nobody famous that came from there.
I mean, I... So why would they have a Hall of Fame? Well, right, we have

Speaker 2 a not so I know what you're saying, although yours isn't impressive either, let's be honest.

Speaker 2 It's not like you're saying a million very cool, famous people can went to school. Tony Gwynn went to my school, okay, baseball player, okay?

Speaker 2 Um, Stephanie Seymour, supermodel who had a baby with Axel Rose. Not a real thing, nobody cares.
Okay,

Speaker 2 nobody cares, not a real thing, nobody cares. I care, yeah, but that's a bullshit.
Don't even make a real famous thing. Tom DeLong, one guy, yeah, that's the guy.

Speaker 2 No, you're not there, you're not even on it. So, no, that's wrong.
It's not you. All these other people are nobodies.
You're wrong. Okay.
Tony Gwynn. That was the only one.

Speaker 2 And by the way, these guys don't even know who Tony Gwynn is. Only I do because I like baseball.
Well, they meet one from your school. Andrew Tino.
I know, that's it.

Speaker 2 No, there's no, there is actually a lot. A lot of pro athletes.
Oh, that's good. A lot of athletes.
Okay, good.

Speaker 3 Oh, Bob, did you see you're at a sperm bank as an option for people who don't want their babies to look like you?

Speaker 2 What? Seriously? Yeah. You're under Bill Paxton, Young.
Wow. Benedict Wong, Bill Paxton, and Bobby Lee.
Who did the check mark? mark? You did? Carlos. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Smart. Okay, so how about this from now on? Let's not talk about Powell High School Hall of Fame ever again.
I don't need to. I just want to say that.

Speaker 2 Because last week it kind of bummed me out, but now I'm kind of going through the process of letting it go, and I'm going to let it go. It's an injustice, is all I'm going to say.

Speaker 2 I mean, I truly believe it is, though. I really do.

Speaker 2 I'm not being positive. I mean, can I just try to

Speaker 2 just verbally say why I think it is? Your case. State your case.
You think I can state my case? Without bragging. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, that'll be hard to do, but go ahead. Okay, so

Speaker 2 I have two,

Speaker 2 I have one very popular podcast. Yeah.
With you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have one that's fairly popular, Tacker Belly. Okay, so then

Speaker 2 I also was on a sketch show. A cultural iconic sketch show.
On television for eight years. Say a culturally iconic sketch.
A culturally iconic sketch show for eight years. Correct.

Speaker 2 I've done numerous bit parts and comedy movies. And television shows.

Speaker 2 I've been a series regular on a couple of TV shows. One of the most famous of a remake of a TV show as well.

Speaker 2 Which one's that? Oh, yeah. Sex and the sex.
That's a recurring, yeah. Reservation.
I mean, I've just done a lot of

Speaker 2 Madden PI. Same thing.
I know it is.

Speaker 2 I've done

Speaker 2 a lot. You got yelled at by Adam Sandler? Yeah, I got yelled at by Adam Sandler.
How many people have been yelled at by Adam Sandler on that list?

Speaker 2 I also have done The Tonight Show as a stand-up, and now I'm coming out with a special on a major streaming.

Speaker 2 I mean, I've done a lot. A lot.
You know what I mean? A lot.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 if that doesn't do it,

Speaker 2 I don't know what else does. Yeah, I don't know.
And so then it's personal. They just don't like me and what I stand for.
And that's okay. That is okay.

Speaker 2 That's okay. Who's on the board? Can we find out who's on the board?

Speaker 2 I don't want to know. They don't like me.
I'm going to call them. And it's because I go

Speaker 2 and all that stuff. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And that's just who I am.

Speaker 2 Don't show us any more sperm banks. Yeah, no more.
Is that where you're going to pop up? Yeah, no more sperm banks. No more sperm banks.
You can bring up some other bullshit if you had it.

Speaker 2 I saw you digging. Because it's embarrassing to fight for that.
What I just did there was embarrassing. No, it's not embarrassing.

Speaker 2 You deserve to be recognized. What do you got? What is that? What is this? What do you got?

Speaker 3 Yeah, I just found this gay Chinese guy. I thought you'd like him.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay. I used to say gay in Chinese.

Speaker 2 Bye.

Speaker 2 What's his name?

Speaker 2 Luke.

Speaker 2 If that was my brother,

Speaker 2 my dad. Oh, my God.
How awesome. His name is Luke.
Luke. Luke Chinese.
Luke, come here.

Speaker 2 And you would never see Luke again. Luke Chinese.
Yeah. His name's just Luke Chinese.
He's the best. That's the three ways to say gay in Chinese.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now, I don't want to be racist against my own ethnicity. It's not really.
Why? It's near you.

Speaker 2 Okay. He's Chinese.
No, but I didn't say nationality. That's ethnicity.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, but I. He's Asian, isn't the ethnicity? Kind of.
He's Chinese. They're oh, so they're Uber Asians? They're the most Asian.
Oh, they are. Okay.
They're the most Asian.

Speaker 2 My bad. My bad.
Okay, so he's full-blown Asian. He's 100% Asian.
Yeah, yeah. And I'm just mid-drip.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you're the left. Adjacent? Yeah, you're right next to me.
Yeah. And without being controversial, right?

Speaker 2 Does he have a big head?

Speaker 2 Okay. Let me okay.

Speaker 2 I'm a cop. That guy robbed you.
Yeah. Right.
And you got to do. So, um, what was what did the guy look like when the person that robbed you? Did you get a good look at him? Yeah, he was a Chinese guy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, so Chinese. He had like a shaved head.
Yeah. Or not a shaved head, but Buzz Hero, Buzz Harris.
All right, so I'm going to get my illustrator camera for Frank. Frank comes.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So I haven't really because Buzz Head, but like shape of the face?

Speaker 2 Shape of the face?

Speaker 2 Yeah, just the overall shape of it.

Speaker 2 It was overall. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Well, you said the overall shape. It was an overall shape.
Oh, so that's.

Speaker 2 Sorry, oval, all shape shape. Oval,

Speaker 2 oval shape. Yeah, it was all.
Oh, it's oval. So is it more wider or is it top to bottom? I mean, can you? It's kind of both.
Oh, so just a gigantic, like a moon. Kind of like a moon.
All right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like a moon. Just do a moon.

Speaker 2 Like a moon.

Speaker 2 Okay, so and his body.

Speaker 2 His body.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. His body, his body.
I remember it. Yeah, yeah.
What's his body like?

Speaker 2 Thick.

Speaker 2 Oh, so. Well-fed.
Right. Well-fed.
Not hungry. So, Mars.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
It was kind of the moon of the music.

Speaker 2 Mars? Yes. And then moon.
Correct. All right.
Put that out. I think they finally

Speaker 2 got him right away. That's interesting.
Chinese Luke, we love you. We love you.
I just want to let you know we love you, Chinese. A lot of followers? Yeah, Luke Chinese.
He's killing it. 141.

Speaker 2 He educates people on how to say things in Chinese. Carlos just goes for how to say gay in Chinese.
In case you go to China, is that what that's for?

Speaker 3 Yeah, we run into some Chinese people in Singapore.

Speaker 2 Interesting. And we just might.
And you got to be, you know, when we go to Singapore, you better be on your best behavior. They will lock you up for fucking around over there.
You know this, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not a joke.

Speaker 2 I'm not making a joke.

Speaker 3 But what fuck around would get me in trouble.

Speaker 2 I don't know. You know.
Even asking, hey, you guys have any holes against walls? Yeah, where the holes at.

Speaker 2 yeah yeah they'd be like illegal asking for holes 100 yeah yeah if you spit gum on the ground they beat the out of you well i already looked up the look look up crazy laws in singapore it's nuts they're gonna get you bud chewing gum is not illegal all right so selling it is the penalty for selling gum is up to a hundred thousand dollars so we can't can we try to

Speaker 2 can we try to smuggle some gum across the

Speaker 2 yeah that's why we're bringing a cone all right second one is bad for you but here's here's the thing smoking is illegal everywhere and e-cigarettes are banned

Speaker 2 You got to bring a 12-pack of bubble yum. Yeah, bubbalicious.
Bubbalicious. If I don't see that in Singapore, dude, we're going to have a problem.

Speaker 2 So write that down, Carlos. Yeah, write it down.
So public smoking, I smoke. So smoking is illegal.
Smoking is illegal in most places. E-cigarettes are banned.

Speaker 2 If caught smoking in public, you could face up to $800 fine. Oh, fuck it.
I have $800. Connecting to someone else's Wi-Fi.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I do that all the time.
All the time. Whoa.
Wait, that's punishable three years ago. My death.
Or $10,000 fine. Oh, my God.
All right, so what? Jaywalking, $1,000. I'm a Jaywalker.

Speaker 2 B.J. Walking.
I'm Jay Jaywalking. Yeah, dude, I Jaywalk all the time.
Not flushing a public toilet, leaving Pooper Piss in a urinal can result in $150. That's it.
I'm not going.

Speaker 2 I can't go. I can't go.
This one's going to hurt you. Yeah, yeah.
Walking naked at home. There's a penalty for walking around naked at your own home.

Speaker 2 Insane.

Speaker 2 Feeding pigeons. This one's from McCone.
That's a criminal offense, buddy. Yeah, I had to do it.
$500 fine. That's on you, dude.
Don't get any ideas. So, what's that? Singing in public.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 Singing or reciting. So Jetsky's going to be in deep shape.
Yeah. Illegal conversation.
This is what we want to. We want to test some of these rules.
Yeah, I do. So here's what I'm going to do, okay?

Speaker 2 I want to get a whole pack of bubble yums, stick it in my mouth. Right.
And naked chew on it. Two cigarettes dangle out of my mouth, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm going to be half naked in the streets, and I'm going to go, it's a hard knock life for us.

Speaker 2 It's a hard knock life for us. And I'm going to just see how long it's going to take.
Oh my god. Do you think quick? Yeah, so fast.
Oh yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 Being homosexual, punishment is up to two years in jail. Oh, Carlos, you can't go.

Speaker 3 No, we'll just go for one each.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 That's insane. Drinking alcohol between 10 p.m., 10.30 p.m.
and 7 a.m. What does that say?

Speaker 2 What? Doesn't say I don't see that. Oh, yeah, there it is.
Alcohol. Holy shit.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 We can't fly a kite that interferes with public traffic. Oh, no.
What are we going to do with all all that fucking kites? We've all been at kites.

Speaker 2 That sucks. We were going to bring all those kites.
So, what's busking? Is singing for money on the street.

Speaker 2 Busking. You know, when you're like singing with a hat? I was going to bring my acoustic guitar.
How are we... Dude, we should be busking.
We should busk.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine they fucking arrest you for busking stuff? That's insane. Firecrackers, pirated content are banned, pornographic stuff.

Speaker 2 I mean, we're not going to bring any magazines, I guess. Okay, oh, wait, wait.
I bet you money they block porn sites there. You VPN.
Got to get a VPN on your phone. I have a VPN.

Speaker 2 Yeah, then you can watch whatever you want. That's what I do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they block porn 100%. Because I've always wanted to, like, because I've never really been to a

Speaker 2 strip club at an Asian country. Me neither.
Oh, they have them there? Do they have strip clubs in

Speaker 2 Singapore? Yeah. What's it called?

Speaker 3 10 Men's Club. That might be

Speaker 2 one you don't want to go to.

Speaker 2 Why? Well, because it's 10 men. You a healing.
Yeah, but what if I know those men?

Speaker 2 Wait, what's

Speaker 2 the emperor?

Speaker 2 We're a bit run down. The women are beautiful, which makes for good eye candy.
Well, if they're honest. Okay.

Speaker 2 So they do have it out there. I guess, but it doesn't really look like...
Is porno is porn is. Carlos, we got to go.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah.
Is porn illegal in Singapore? I feel like it.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Do we want to go?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, they.
All right.

Speaker 2 Google

Speaker 2 if they have any Michelin star restaurants. I mean, that's an incentive.
Yeah. I bet.
What's the best top three restaurants? Because I love food. Oh, there you go.
Michelin guide to Singapore. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, we so. All right.
They've got a lot. Here's the deal, dude.
We will go to all these. No, no, no.
I need someone from our team to make reservations before I go. I'm being real.
Oh, debt.

Speaker 2 I'm writing this down. Yeah,

Speaker 2 at least four of them. I also have a list of places that we can go because

Speaker 2 my friends that have gone have told us there's spots that are great. Yeah, yeah.
Scary Times USA. Yeah, it could also work as a promo.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I had a great time.

Speaker 2 I think it was better than the last one we did. Yeah, it was great.
I think that if all of them went like that, I'd be encouraged to do more. I had so much fun on it.
You know what it was?

Speaker 2 Is that we didn't rehearse that much.

Speaker 2 You know, you guys kept it loose. We had good bits lined up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, we kind of knew the directions, but it's like, in terms of order and stuff, I think they were mixed up a little bit, but I was fine with it. I thought,

Speaker 2 I just thought the guest was great.

Speaker 2 It was surprising to see the angry grandmother. Yeah, she was great.
What a sweet lady. You know, they drove here from Michigan.
I just love her and a grandson so much. And then.

Speaker 2 So funny. Yeah, and then...
Dax Flame came by. Love Dax.

Speaker 2 The Goobadopoulos. The Gubadopoulos came, and I thought...
On top of that, we had a Drag Queen book reading. Yeah.
Because I wanted to get educated. I thought Jules was fun.

Speaker 2 I thought the whole thing was

Speaker 2 very positive. And we should do it again.
I would love to do it again. I had a great time.
I like doing stuff like that. Yeah, it's different than this because it's like it's looser.
It's wild.

Speaker 2 It's wild. And the interaction with the fans.
I do love when we get to talk to the fans, bringing them up on the screen, seeing them in their home.

Speaker 2 I mean, we could dedicate for a second to talk about our fans first because I don't think we do that enough. Give it to me.
Yeah. It's the thing that

Speaker 2 keeps me going, I think.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's beautiful and sad at the same time. No, it is sad.
It's more sad than beautiful.

Speaker 2 It's the thing that makes me kind of want to get up and put one foot in front of the other and move forward. That we have

Speaker 2 people,

Speaker 2 and we've met them in the streets. Yeah.
And it just, it's a real surprise and a real blessing. And I,

Speaker 2 I've just been,

Speaker 2 what?

Speaker 2 Why'd you shake your head? Because I don't believe it.

Speaker 2 I would like to address something in the room. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'd really like to address something in the room. Please.

Speaker 2 I know we've said it as a joke, you know what I mean, about firing

Speaker 2 and changing the team up. Yeah, we have.

Speaker 2 And, you know, we do it in just. You know,

Speaker 2 I really mean this. I think we should change it up.
Okay. Because right there, right there, was fucking

Speaker 2 out of pocket. Out of pocket.
It was unaligned with my morals and my

Speaker 2 blatant disrespect. Blatant disrespect.
And

Speaker 2 cringe-worthy, if I'll be honest. You know, so you know, I've noticed lately you talk to me in a certain way as if we're bros.
That's so not true, Bob. As if we're

Speaker 2 both captains of the same ship. No.
And on this ship, dude? You're scooping shit. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm the captain. No, no, that's projection.

Speaker 2 That's how you would act. Even that respond right there is what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 Even just that response right there. I don't curse it you or that's that response to everything you're saying right now, dude, is what I'm talking about.
That's how I grew up. Okay.
I'm having flat.

Speaker 2 No, you never used to be like this. And so for me to get vulnerable to talk about the fans and for you to call me out on something that wasn't even a thing, right, is really hurtful.
It is. And

Speaker 3 do I have time to apologize?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, there's no time. No, you did it.
The damage is done. So I'm going to highly consider maybe coming up with other options.
I'm okay with that. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about all the group. Okay.
Might as well. McCone.
Yeah. You've been a lot better with me.
Impressed.

Speaker 2 You're not needy.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And

Speaker 2 I think you've softened a little bit. I think you know how to read me in the situation.
And I think that

Speaker 2 you're good for right now. You're okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Fancy.

Speaker 2 I will never do your zombie with you.

Speaker 2 I will never do it. You know, in fact, I will do nothing outside of this with you.
Yeah. You know,

Speaker 2 I think that you attack me way more than you attack Andrew. That's true.
You know what I mean? Yeah, that's undeniable. About how fat I am.

Speaker 2 Yay. What? What?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you agree? Yeah, but you know what? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're honestly, though.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you speak your mind. You are skating on thin ice.
There's no ice.

Speaker 2 There's no ice line. All right, well, you're on a lake.
Yeah, you have skates on and you're in the water.

Speaker 3 Why? What did I do that's so bad? Besides.

Speaker 2 He's the last couple of times he said to me that you're frustrating frustrating him for some reason. And I think it's because,

Speaker 2 look, you run the Instagram account for bad friends, right? Yeah. You do a great job.
Thank you. I think a little bit of that follower number is going to your head a little bit.
I mean, we should

Speaker 2 see.

Speaker 2 See?

Speaker 2 Yeah. See?

Speaker 2 It's going to his head. Are you using it to DM people?

Speaker 3 No, I do that on my own account. But I mean, do you ever like transfer the girl over to Reynolds Carlos?

Speaker 2 Uh-huh. Obviously.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So it's power. He's got power now.
You know, I also. A good amount of power.
Yeah. I also want to say this:

Speaker 2 and this is from my heart. Yeah.

Speaker 3 And managing the Australian tour.

Speaker 2 And you're doing a great job. Great job.
I didn't say

Speaker 2 you were doing a good job. I'm saying your relationship with me.
Yeah, he's talking about our

Speaker 2 workplace. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And for many years, I thought

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 you work for us and we happen to be at Seven Akis. Right.
But the truth is, you work work for Seven Eckies and you're a spy.

Speaker 2 That's insane. Yeah, you're a spy because I see you over there, right? And you know the woodwork, very comfortable there.
Very comfortable.

Speaker 2 And that's, you know, I understand now that you're not really on our ship. You're a hired gun.
But I should know that place because I go to work there.

Speaker 3 I should know my way around.

Speaker 2 This does sound like some spy shit, though. It's spy shit, dude.

Speaker 3 No, I'm a double agent.

Speaker 2 That's what we're saying. Yeah, that's not a good thing.
That's the the fucking set. No, that's not a good thing.

Speaker 2 You're working both sides. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, what's the real end game here?

Speaker 3 Just hanging with my bros. I just want to say that.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not what's not.
That is it. No, that's not it.
That's not it. No, no, no.
That's not it. No.
Yeah. What's the real end game? What's the end game here, dude? Our demise?

Speaker 3 I have had this fantasy.

Speaker 2 Here we go. This is the truth.
Let's hear it. Yeah, finally.
I love it. No, it has nothing to do with Andrew.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 What is it?

Speaker 3 That I come in with some really good news. Like, guys, I finally did it.

Speaker 3 I have another job. I thought you'd be so proud of me.
I didn't need your help to get there.

Speaker 3 I'm going to go spread my wings. And I'm going to say, like, fuck you, Bobby.
Wow.

Speaker 3 Because you're going to make fun of me in that moment. And I'm going to be prepared.

Speaker 2 So you daydream about telling Bobby to go fuck himself. That's like a moment.

Speaker 3 No, it's a nightdream sometimes.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is like an immersive dream where you feel it. You feel it.
It's a paralysis.

Speaker 3 I can't even get out of it.

Speaker 2 But you feel it. You're saying saying fuck you to him, and it feels good in your dream.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 You didn't say hi to me or Andres for five minutes at Andrew's party, and then you made fun of us for having a conversation

Speaker 2 alone.

Speaker 3 I should be allowed to talk to Fancy.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I understand.

Speaker 2 You don't understand. Let's talk about something else.
I understand now. I know.
I understand it. It just came to me.
Like, you know. You saw it.
I saw it all. Wow.
Like the first time I saw it.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Remember, they live? Yeah. Right? Right.
Yeah. I put the glasses on.
And then I know what it is. It's clear.
I see the writing in the wall. You know what I mean? I see the world.
I see the matrix.

Speaker 2 And it's again stacked up against me. And I have to, like, I have to survive.
You do. You have to fight back.
I do have to survive. Because you can't just sit there.

Speaker 2 I can't sit there and let them take over. Right.
Yeah. And I think I'm generous.

Speaker 3 The guy cleaning the boat can like sharpen his knife at night and dream about murdering the captain.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Oh my god. It's a common feeling.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
This is how you feel. Yeah, yeah, you're a little bit of a fairly

Speaker 2 couple. I love it.

Speaker 2 This is the real stuff. This is it.
I love it. This is the real stuff.
No, what's real?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. That's bullshit.
So tell

Speaker 3 everyone in comedy, you've always been my homie. You and Andrew.
I've always trusted you. Yeah, but.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but what?

Speaker 3 But sometimes you have bully tactics.

Speaker 2 I know bully tactics.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's not talking to me in fancy when you walk in. You only talk to the famous famous people.

Speaker 2 He was busy.

Speaker 2 I was busy talking to the famous people.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Sorry.
Yeah, yeah. I walk in.
Oh, there's famous, famous. Oh, let's go to the guys I see every day.
I mean, what are you talking about? But that's his job to go talk to other people.

Speaker 2 Exactly. It's work.
He's a personality. You know? And you should know that.
You're right. You know what I mean? You're fucking right.

Speaker 2 You know, that time that you were hitting on Kalila when I was dating her. That is insane.
What? You know what I mean? You don't think I know about that either, dude?

Speaker 2 So, you know, me, you want to go, you want to go or you want to go? Whoa. Whoa,

Speaker 2 whoa, whoa, little.

Speaker 2 All right. Have you had an issue recently with somebody? Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
That's why I can feel this. Yeah.
Something's going on. Something's going on with him, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because, you know, when he, something's going on, he attacks.

Speaker 2 And he's attacking me. You know, you're on.
Listen, guy, you know, here's the truth, guy. Right? I love you, too.
That's what I said. What?

Speaker 2 He said, here's the truth. I know.
He was about to say, I love you. No.

Speaker 2 No. No.

Speaker 2 You know, I've always had a sense that, you know, I liked you more than you liked me. That's so I felt that.
Yeah, me too. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 I'm willing to

Speaker 2 fight your hate with my love. Thank you.
That is interesting. Yeah, it's pretty interesting, huh? And can I tell you something about that? Tell me about it.

Speaker 2 When you said fight hate with love, you know who did that?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Jesus.
That's right. And what did your counselor in high school tell you to be? A carpenter.

Speaker 2 So it is right here. Exactly, dude.
You are a carpenter. And you're a carpenter of the soul.
So what you're doing is you're building.

Speaker 2 Well, a love castle is what I was going to say. Oh, okay.
Yeah. You're building a love castle.
And others, things. Of course.
Gazebos and whatnot.

Speaker 2 Sure, they have to be built on the outside, but build the love castle.

Speaker 2 Go ahead, throw it in a joke.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Throw it a joke.
I'll let you have it. And Joe, say it.

Speaker 2 I'll have it over here. I'm building like little gazebos.
Little gazebos. Yeah, you have to build those as well.
Yeah, cabinets. And the stairs from the ceiling.

Speaker 2 It wasn't even fun wasn't even a good joke. It wasn't even funny.
We waited for a fucking bomb. We waited all that time.
We waited for a fucking bomb and stairs on the ceiling.

Speaker 2 Dude, why did you laugh so hard at that? Because he knew how old. Oh, my guy was pretty bad.
Oh, my God. He looked like fucking stairs, dude.
Hey.

Speaker 2 Bobby's building a love castle, cabinets, and gazebos.

Speaker 2 And if Carlos is going to come at you throwing fireballs of hate flame,

Speaker 2 guess what? I have a love shield. You have a love shield, and you did a benefit for Firefighter, so they will be there if you need them to put out this negative fire.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 That's really what I feel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And this podcast has been about grievances, no? Grievances. A lot of grievances.
Yeah. I've got another one I'd like to fucking air out.
I would love to hear your grievances.

Speaker 2 This is what the show is about. Air out a little grievance here, if you tell me.

Speaker 2 McCone. Yeah.
Exactly. Got a little something, something.
I know you.

Speaker 2 Hey.

Speaker 2 Step up to the mic. Preach.

Speaker 2 Preach, my friend.

Speaker 2 You're not even going to believe this.

Speaker 2 You know what? Maybe you are. I will believe it.
Okay, good. Right, because

Speaker 2 he could do anything.

Speaker 2 He's diabolical. He is.
All right. So endless.
Tell it to me, friend. Okay.
This guy, he's going to Detroit with me this weekend, Detroit and Grand Rapids.

Speaker 2 I said, you know, I'm going to get you out there so you can film and stuff like that. Why not? What's my budget for cameras? That's what he says.
What's my budget for cameras? My budget for cameras?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. He's not Aaron Sorkin.
No, he thinks he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm trying to expand. What's my budget? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, timeout. This is an even better one.

Speaker 2 I said, well, let's get you the flights. Let's look at the flights.
Very expensive flights. Weren't they? They were.
Very expensive.

Speaker 2 I call. We take care of it.
It's fine. Let's get the flights.

Speaker 2 Text. Hey, I'll show you.
Hey.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.
If he says,

Speaker 2 honestly, dude, if he mentions anything about business class,

Speaker 2 I'm going to lose my fucking mind. I'm being real.

Speaker 2 I will lose my fucking mind. Comfort plus or better.
Then what did he say? Can I get comfort plus or better?

Speaker 2 I'll fucking show you comfort.

Speaker 2 Go get him. Go fuck him up.

Speaker 2 Go fuck this guy up. He thinks he needs room for all of his camera equipment.
I say, you're not going to put that under the seat. I'm tall and I have to put under the seat.
No, no, no. Business class.

Speaker 2 No. WestJet.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Spirit. Yeah.
Spirit in the air. You know what, dude? Cancel it.
All right. Yeah.
Fuck it. That's a good call.
It's insane. You know what? It's like like you give them an inch, they take a mile.

Speaker 2 All of it. They take all of it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You've heard that phrase before, right? And that's what you are, dude.
You're giving people an inch.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Fucking fucker, dude.

Speaker 2 Fucker, dude.

Speaker 2 What a fucking fuck, fuck.

Speaker 2 Holy shit. I've never.
Why are you laughing? I'm mad. Yeah, that was insane.
Step back from the mic. Yeah, step back from a man.
Jesus Christ. What do you say? Let's talk about giving people an inch.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Really good.
It's pretty good. Now, take notes, Spaniard.
Yeah, yeah. That's the kind of shit we like over here.
Yeah, that was a good one. That's going to get him back in the running.

Speaker 2 Not in with me. No, no, but still, as a whole.
Not in with me, but we took a couple of steps back. Okay, you know, but

Speaker 2 wow. Wow.
All right, Carlos, clearly air finally. Just say what you need to say.
Yeah, go ahead. Because

Speaker 2 I know you want to just say it, so just say what you want to say.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, Bob. No.

Speaker 2 That's not what it is.

Speaker 2 That's not what it is. What are you sorry about?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry that I had those dark feelings about wanting to murder you.

Speaker 3 And I thought that in our final moment of me coming here and wanting to spread my wings, that you'd be proud.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's not what I was mad about.

Speaker 2 You brought that up with unsolicited. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I didn't even need to know that. You know what I I mean? You made it worse by bringing that up.
Way worse.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what I'm saying is that I was giving a heartfelt message to the fans, and you thought I was lying. Right, right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So it's like, now I know way more information, and now I feel even more angry. Yeah, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's like, why would you have these fantasies? I've never had a dreadful fantasy about you. You know what I mean? I've had fantasies of like saving you when you were drowning or something.
Really?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Emotionally. Yeah, emotionally.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But my point is that I've only thought positive. I've only said positive things about you in the world, right? That's right.

Speaker 2 And for you to even have yelled at me so many times.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's my role as a fucking boss. I'm sensitive sometimes.
No, you're not. I am.

Speaker 3 We got in a fight in Atlanta, and you've hurt my feelings.

Speaker 2 What was the fight about?

Speaker 3 It was like a microphone not working in a previous show or something.

Speaker 2 Exactly. And should have worked.
You're right. Exactly.
No, I've like sustained pedals never work at venues. Never once.
Not one time.

Speaker 2 I'm in front of thousands of people. And oh shit, the sustain's not working.
I should have, you know, it's like, there's so many things that I could have,

Speaker 2 right? But I don't, you know, get your shit together, man.

Speaker 3 It's getting together.

Speaker 2 It's together. It's been together.

Speaker 3 We're going to go to Australia. You're going to eat at your fucking Michelin restaurants.
You're going to see.

Speaker 2 Wow. No, that's just me being passionate.
Wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 2 I know, I know, I know, I know, I get to say that.

Speaker 2 I can't believe it. It didn't sound like passion, dude.
It didn't sound like passion. It sounded like deep resentment.
Yeah. Passionate.
Do passionate, Fancy. Give me passionate.

Speaker 2 I love working with you, Bobby. And we're going to make an awesome zombie movie together.
Oh, no.

Speaker 2 No, delusional.

Speaker 2 You know what, bud? You know what? I'm going to do the movie again. Okay.
I'll do your zombie movie. Bobby.
Don't do that. I know.
Yeah. I'll do it.
But he will. Yeah.
That's passion. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And McCone.

Speaker 2 I have a small penis.

Speaker 2 No, you don't.

Speaker 2 I don't, but that's what you told the world. But it's not.
And thank you so much for doing that, man. Like, I don't have enough problems.
The world knows.

Speaker 2 It worked.

Speaker 2 The world knows it's good.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Just stop. Stop.

Speaker 2 You have a very good penis.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 we'll see.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being back, friend.

Speaker 2 Great.