Fireballs Of Hate Flame

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
You know what I've been watching is kids watching Sixth Sense for the first time. How do you not know the outcome of that movie? Well, if people that were born in the year 2000, a 24-year-old doesn't know.
When did Sixth Sense come out? I just feel like that's something that they, you know, it's like, you know, Soylent Green are people. Do you remember that? Yeah.
Like I never even saw Soylent Green, but I know Soylent Green are people. Yeah, but 99, this movie came out.
Okay. So kids born in 2000, 2001, young 20-year-olds, they wouldn't have seen this.
No, I'm saying they haven't seen it, but would know the you know i mean the bit that the switch right maybe the surprise i just feel like that's a part of but when you watch youtubers or people watching it they get really oh he's dead you know what i don't want to give it away but they're they get freaked out is it black dudes too especially it's always oh no you know i mean they get by the way we yeah you know we've we've reached peak internet Someone literally sent this to me yesterday I came up and I didn't text Carlos What You know how black dudes will get high and watch comedy stuff Yeah There's two black guys that got high to watch Bad Friends No And I was like we made it No I don't even want to watch it We made it I don't even want to watch it Because they laugh When black dudes get high and watch us Do they watch Yeah Do they laugh They were dying Yeah That made me feel so cool That's like when a black guy calls you the n-word And you're like alright I'll take it Because I did a firefighter show You did a firefighter show? What did you say? A firefighter show? What did you think I said? A firefighter show. I said firefighter show.
That sounds the same.

No, did I slow it down?

Do it one more time.

I did a firefighter show.

Firefighter show.

That's not what I said, dude.

Firefighter show.

Bro, bro, bro.

Come on, dude.

It's a firefighter show.

Right.

Go ahead.

Ryo was there. Fireball.
Are you kiddingken Is that what he says? Hadouken Wait what is it? Hadouken? Hadouken Hadouken No in Street Fighter Is it Street Fighter? Yeah Street Fighter Hadouken Hadouken That's what he says Hadouken? oh yeah yeah it's Hadouken okay Hadouken wave motion or fist of surge special attack from Capcom Street Fighter anyway sorry so you're at a firefighter show am I saying it right? I think so yeah a fire fireman show mmm yeah sounds gay yeah sounds like like a little gay burlesque yeah we're gonna put you out oh well then forget it no come on i mean i don't want to partake anymore you were at a firefighter yeah yeah oh god it's a dead end huh not at the firefighter show your end's always's always open. So it was a benefit show at the Improv.
And it was, so it was me, Griffin, right? Amir K. and Fitz Simmons.
I love Amir. I love Fitz.
Fitz, right? And Griff. I love Griff.
Right. But the first part of the show was firefighters doing stand-up.
Oh, like local LA department? Yes. Wow.
Yeah. And they had about eight of them.
It was to raise money for these guys? It was like some sort of benefit for fire people. What is going on with this? They're always handing out buckets.
They need money, these guys. What's going on with these guys? Dude, fighting fire is expensive.
They're never doing it. Water you need? What else do you need? That's it, dude.
They're never fighting fire. That's it, right? Just water.
Oh, you got to have a dog. You got You gotta have a Dalmatian You need the Dalmatian You do Yeah yeah yeah For optics Right Or maybe the shiny red Red paint Yeah the fire You gotta shine that up The what the fire truck Yeah It's already pre-shined Yeah but so Those are extra shiny See that's why it starts To get real gay're in the firehouse.
They're shining it up all day with their shirts off.

They're just lifting weights.

They have their hoses out.

Mm-hmm.

There's a pole.

There's a pole.

There's a pole.

They're raising money.

In a floor glory hole.

A floor-

A gigantic-

A flory hole.

A flory hole.

A milking table with earth.

Yeah, kind of.

Yeah.

No.

You can do that like on a beach. You can lay- i have no idea what you're saying continue the story okay anyway um don't give him too much air time so you know i went early we all went early and number one they killed no way yeah one after another i'm not kidding you.
Who was in the crowd? People whose houses were on fire? No, no, no. No, no, no, no.
Other fire people. Oh, it was all fire people.
Yeah, it was all firemen. Well, that's why they killed.
No, but they were actually okay. Like, who wrote the jokes for them? I don't know.
And they all had different point of views. They all went.
It got to the point, though, dude, where me, Griffin, and Amir were standing there and we all were holding each other going, what if we bomb?

It would be because we're supposed to be the pros.

Yeah.

Right?

So then Eric goes up there.

He does good.

I'm next, right?

And I don't know why I brought this up because you brought up the two black guys watching, right?

And this dude, this black dude had shades on. You know how sometimes they get Martin Lawrence-y? Yeah, 100%.
You know what I mean? They get like Biden-y. Yeah.
They just get all, hold on. Just get all like, where am I? You know what I mean? What are you talking about, dude? They get all.
you with martin lawrence you lost me i don't know he was an older black guy right he's wearing like a brown track suit he was wearing shades and he was just kind of going where am i you know what i mean was he on stage no he was off to the side okay you you go down the stairs? He was sitting there with shades with a beautiful, his wife.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

But they're older.

And he, also they like to, I don't say they.

That's insane.

That's insane what I'm doing.

I knew what you were saying.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah.

But you know, he had like one leg on something like this, like this, like this, as if he was.

In a park.

On a bench.

Drinking lemonade.

Hmm.

In a nice summer day. And you know what color it is.
It's pink. It's purple.
It's pink. It's grape.
They, black people love pink lemonade. They do.
The way that we love Arnold Palmer's. So this guy, right, I was observing him.
Yeah. He was dying laughing at every fireman.
Okay. Okay.
He was a fireman himself. I don't know.
I didn't ask him.

He must have.

You know what?

And he was laughing.

But then when I went up.

Ice cold.

Ice cold like a river.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Not a smile, not a smirk, not a wince.

He almost looked mad.

When I get nervous and I have to do well, I start getting real weird fast. Yeah, I know.
I make my hair weird. But I like it.
I stumble on stage like a character, you know what I mean? And I just start going, peep, peep, peep, peep. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Poking my pee-pee, you know what I mean? Like I'll literally go, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep, peep.
Like that, right? And our media is like, nah. No, he didn't like that.

I crushed.

Still.

But still, I couldn't break him.

Yeah, you never will.

I will.

No, you will not.

One day I will.

Sir, wherever you are, come back to a show, sir.

Let's see if we can really crack you.

Yeah, anyway.

Do you know how much money they raised for firefighters?

I didn't ask.

My grandfather was a firefighter.

You know that? I've talked to him over the years and I said, you know, cops get a lot of like flack. You know, cops are always, they're always like, cops are racist.
You know, this is a lot of flack people say. I don't know about that.
You never heard this? Never heard that. Good.
But I think it's interesting that people always say like, oh, cops are racist. All the cops are bad.
All cops are racist. Firefighters never, no one ever says that about them.
I don't think they are. Oh.
They are? Yes, they are. I'll tell you what.
Can I give you a theory maybe? Yeah, dude. They're just stronger cops.
Yeah. Imagine it's a job that you have.
Yeah. When only one specific event happens.
Yeah. Right? So there could be a month that goes by, no? Like you're a is there a fire every day no right so what i'm saying is that i assume months go by they rescue cats from trees they do but fuck you all right 176 fire stations exist now how many fires are there in the united states no but in la in la i will say this out every this.
Approximately 17,000 fires in the city. That also includes like small shop front fire.
Yeah. That's not a big, that's not, you know.
Yeah, exactly. It's not real.
It's not real. Arson.
That includes arson. Arson.
So 46 a day. Also, then they're always working.
They're probably pretty busy, yeah. Okay, well then my theory's wrong.
I always assume like, you know, they're just playing like Jenga up there in the firehouse. You know what I mean? And then, oh, man, you know what I mean? I don't know why I said it like that, but like, oh, man, fire, let's go.
And they go down the pool. They have way more medical emergencies in the West Hollywood Fire Department.
That's all medical emergencies. Oh, that's what they, because I used to, you know, we we used to um because when you get something stuck up your ass they got to be there for all that no colada used to get heart murmurs no i get them all the time and then we call the ambulance no i don't do that and a fire truck would come sometimes they have to yeah yeah yeah they come why though why what why the fire truck with the ambulance they want to show off their big ladder no they have i think it's part of the it's a part of, it's required that they have to show up with paramedics.
Because in case someone's stuck in something or who knows, well, here, let's get the fucking answer from this woman. The goal is to get help who needs it as fast as possible.
Ambulances can be delayed or unavailable at the time because paramedics also are EMTs. EMTs also can be firefighters or they have to be.
i think you're right because i think um a couple a couple of times an ambulance didn't come it was only a firefighter but he had but he had all the equipment yeah he had the experience and they had that wow they do so many things would she get her heart shocked back into into rhythm she had an ablation so we got a couple operations. Wow.
Yeah. I get murmurs all the time.

Do you ever- Get worried about it? Yeah. Yeah.
A lot. Have you considered an ablation? You know what it is? A black Asian? Yes.
I should have said, have you considered getting a Tiger Woods? That's what they call the surgery? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
I thought about doing something to it, but my doctors have always said it's okay. Yeah I guess they go It's like a little

They go through all the like

Veins Yeah, yeah, yeah. No.
I thought about doing something to it, but my doctors have always said it's okay. Yeah, I guess they go, it's like a little, they go through all the like veins and stuff on one side of the body with, I don't know.
You know, they go through your belly button a lot. That freaks me out.
They open up your belly button. You know, my wife had surgery.
They go through your belly button. Yeah.
Yuck. You know how they say that one day we're going to have chips on our arms.
Will you do that? our information our credit cards everything you know i mean you'll do it for sure yeah how convenient i would do it you won't do that why'd you shake your head no that shit scares me i don't know why it's just like when that starts conflicting with like mechanical with human stuff like how brain and neural mechanical i'm not saying i'm gonna get my arm replaced. It's like a little chip, dude.
You think it's going to lead to Neuralink shit? I don't even like driving cars that they can turn off with a computer. That's why I drive an old Accord.
Oh my God. That's why you drive an old Accord? That and you'll be broke.
Yeah, this guy's fucking Clint Eastwood. Let us be mean, dude.
From Bridges of Madison County or something. You know what I mean? That's because you are broke.
No, what I'm saying is you have your credit card, your ID, and also maybe a way to open up your front door with your arm. Oh, cool.
Oh, I like that, too. You know what I mean? Click, click, click, click.
Yeah, but think about it. Somebody follows you home, they grab you, they just put your arm up to the door.
Oh, that's true. Right, right, right, right, right, right.
Can't have that. Yeah.
Okay. There was a bump in the night the other night by the house.
By the way, I got nervous.

I grabbed my gun.

In your mansion?

In my home.

You're checking a mansion.

Okay, so-

My home is not-

Your house is the same size as my house.

Oh my God.

I love when you try to start fights with me.

You just started-

No, no, no, no.

Who started this?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Who fucking started it?

Dude, I don't want to go there.

You just started it.

I don't want to go there with you, dude, but stop doing this. Stop lying.
Stop, you know what I mean? About what? Gaslighting. That's so, the irony of this is staggering.
You're literally gaslighting me. Yeah, it's so, you know, you're gaslighting me.
You're literally doing it. And let me say what you're doing.
You're gaslighting me. So.
Gaslighting. No more gaslighting.
Oh, now you're doing Asian accent. That's when you're scared.
That's how I get out of it. When he gets scared, he does Asian accent.
When I made it in front of your mom, you got scared, and you did my mom. You brought up.
Asian accent. And it crushed.
That's your fucking defense. And it made this show.
It went viral. My point being is that you're scared right now and calm.
I'm not scared. You started it.
That's an insane thing. Did you guys go to the house? Yes, they've all been in my home.
Whose house is bigger?

They're honestly the same.

If you add up the driveway and everything.

Thank you. Oh, you're going to put my driveway in it?

I have a long driveway.

How is that an equation?

That's included.

That's not a living space.

Thank you.

It could be.

No, it's not.

So my point is this.

Okay, let me reiterate and let me re-say it.

Because the first time I went to his house was during his birthday party.

My old house?

The new one. Yeah.
I don't want to start a fight with you. You're doing it.
I know first time I went to his house was during his birthday party. My old house? The new one.

Yeah.

I don't want to start a fight with you.

You're doing it.

I know.

But I walked in and I remember going, oh, I might have to move.

That's the first thought.

What do you mean?

Because you.

I want to be honest with you, dude.

Sure.

All right.

I went to your front lawn.

Pretty good.

Nice lawn.

Thanks. You have a gate and the whole thing.
Yeah. Electrical.
Yeah. Gate system, right? I went to your front lawn.
Pretty good, nice lawn. Thanks.

You have a gate and the whole thing.

Yeah.

Electrical, you know.

Yeah.

Gate system, right?

Mm-hmm.

You walked out of these gigantic doors.

Not that your house is big, but you have gigantic doors.

It's a big door.

I'm 6'1".

Right, right.

I mean, all doors are big to you.

Right.

Okay, you can make fun of me all you want, but I'm trying to be honest with you.

Well, I'm also trying to put comedy into the show.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

And so then, you come on in, Langmong, or whatever you fucking always say. You know what I mean? What? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Make something up funny. If you're going to say that, pick it up and be funny.
Ling Ling or whatever. There, yeah.
I say, come on in, Ling Ling. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I go, Ling Ling's here. Ling Ling's here.
I walk in, and I remember my first thing is I looked around high ceilings. Do you not have high ceilings? Yeah, they're tall.
They're they're tall. Right.
And then I also like, I'm like, the living room is so far away from where I am. Don't be real.
It's in the back of the house. I don't even know where it is.
It's in the back of the house. Yeah, so it's like, you know, my sight isn't that bad, right? In your house, you have to go up to the living room.
You can also not see it. Thank you.
Yeah, exactly. You have to walk upstairs to your living room in your house in the hills.
Mine's two studio apartments on top of each other. Yeah, you went up there.
They have bedrooms. Thank you, McCone.
There's bedrooms down there. Now, I will admit that my house is, I prefer the design of my house better than yours.
Sure, that's why you live there. Yeah.
With cat shit all over the fucking place, it's great. Okay, you can make jokes.
That's the show that we're on. on i know you can do what you're doing right now dude and i'm fine with it because i'm just being honest with you so i walk in high ceilings i go i don't know where the living room but it's pretty far away probably half a mile away and i walked in there and then i went um my thought was i might have to at least get a house comparable to this because I want to feel like we're on the same level.
But I remember having these thoughts. And why would I have these thoughts, Carlos, do you think? You're breaking the 10th commandment.
It's jealousy. Exactly, dude.
What is that? It's jealousy. Thou shall not covet that neighbor, dude.
Yeah, yeah. Don't covet me, dude.
So I was coveting you, dude. Stop coveting me.
I'm going to covet before the rest of my life. I don't want you to.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude, I'm covet king.
You're already breaking so many of the commandments. So here's what it is.
You live in a house bigger than 99.9% of the houses in the world. Can we say that? Well, the world? Yeah.
Yeah, most people live in fucking huts. Exactly.
So I'm not being lying. Not bigger than 99% of the United States? Yeah.
No, it's not. Let's move on.
So what were you going to say? It's not even.

Let's move on.

What are you going to say?

Well, if you let me tell the story, that's not it at all. Well, let me finish my little pointer here.

Because there was a gunshot outside.

Okay.

It could have been in the house.

And then there was rustling next door.

Okay.

Or like continue.

And then I got worried.

All right.

So start from the beginning.

Go ahead.

There was a.

You're in your mansion.

Go ahead.

Yeah.

So you're laying down.

Well, I'm in one of my hyperbaric chambers that I sleep in. Yeah.
No, so I was in my money room. Yeah.
And I was sleeping. I have a money room that I sleep in.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I was swimming. Actually, I was taking a late night Scrooge McDuck swim.
I have gold coins. Yeah.
You have a moat. It's a 30-foot pool of money.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I'm sleeping. I hear sleeping i hear a gunshot i panic oh then there's a text stream between our neighbors did anybody hear that who heard the blah blah you know like there's a so then i'm really like on edge so then i grab my gun and i go downstairs you have a gun in my underwear you have a gun be real yeah what kind i have a clock okay so you bring your glock i bring my gun downstairs yeah and i walk outside that's me that's what i look like from american history x yes and i was outside scanning around for the noises that i was hearing because i was hearing noises then after the shot so i thought can you can, someone's on the run from the cops in my mind and they're jumping into yards.
That's my biggest fear is someone tries to like break into your house. This happened last night? No, no, no.
This is like four nights ago. Okay.
So I was with somebody in my house. What? Same, same thing.
Yeah. Okay.
And this person that was in my house, a young lady, you know what I mean? Obviously. Yeah.
She goes, is there always a helicopter above your house? This is four nights ago. And you're saying I'm rich.
You used to have a helicopter waiting for you at all hours of the night? I don't own it. I don't own it.
It just takes me to the comic store. Ready to go! It takes me to the comic store.
No, there was literally a helicopter doing a circle in my neighbor with the spotlight. Oh, the panic.
Dude hate a dude panic right so what i'm saying it it could have been the same night that you heard the gunshot because we live five minutes away from each other yes that's true so this could be connected okay so fucking i didn't hear a helicopter i'm scared it's quiet outside there's rustling and banging and i'm nervous right and i'm very scared because i think this is how i die she's fine i'll get killed is your wife sleeping she's wide awake she's scared because we both heard it and then of course i'm out there and rustling rustling i go peek around the corner oh it's just a raccoon on a garbage can. That's it.
How did he shot? He had a gun.

A little raccoon with a gun. I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he was just trying to get food.
I think you're lying. Yeah, I am.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
I feel like you're lying. No, no, but there was a loud rustling.
It did scare the shit. But what time was it? I'm being real because I remember going, what is going on in our neighborhood? Had to have been not super late, but like, I mean, not early early in the morning maybe like 1 a.m it wasn't that it was like i just had started to fall asleep just after midnight i'm so glad you brought that up because it just brought up another thing that i have a problem with you about okay today all day today all day today it kind of made me.
Can somebody draw a raccoon with a gun for the show?

Yeah, please.

On a trash can.

Yeah, I feel like you and I are best friends, right?

You're my best friend.

One of my best friends.

You're my best friend.

I have a couple.

You're the only one for me.

No, I know you have a couple.

Name one.

Charlie Day.

That's not my best friend.

He's a buddy.

You're my best friend. Anyway, and we share things.

Yes. Fluids.
Yeah. Right? Ideas.
he's a buddy you're my best and anyway and we share things yes fluids yeah right um ideas um also our loves and dislikes that's true okay and um i don't like it when you hoard things though what did i keep from you i'm gonna tell you in a second okay okay i don't like it when you hoard things and i i draw the line here okay okay don't do that well what is it don't do that with your fucking nose I get nervous I was at the comedy store the other night maybe a week ago and Brent Morin goes there's a great restaurant and I go really? and he goes I think it's Rivals why are you smiling? I know exactly it is. I know exactly what it is.
I know you know. All right.
I know you know, okay? Okay. So he said it's BLVD, Aventura.
Yeah. I had no idea about it.
Right. Right? So in my mind, you know, I'm on a date.
We go, make reservations. I sit down.
And the waiter comes up to me and the manager. And they go, finally.
Par twice a week stop this is the fucking truth! And I'm telling you the truth, and I don't like it when people laugh at trulism. It's insane.
It's not insane. Twice a week? Twice a week, and we were wondering when you're going to come in here, right? And I went, yeah? Like, how many? They go, a lot.
He comes in a lot. No, he doesn't.
I'm going to tell you why this is true okay in a second okay okay okay wow you never really ever mentioned it right and then um the food's great it's it's excellent delicious excellent right delicious and then you i text you the menu picture of the picture of the menu and i said and you go oh yeah that place is great and i said i'm close yeah and i yeah i'm close and i go there all the time and i said can i come over after no yes i did oh maybe and what i'm saying is that you didn't respond you hoarded that restaurant i did not you did and you know what dude this is i'll start hoarding pissing me off i'll start hoarding friends um restaurants and yogurt shops and coffee shops and everything, right? And keep secrets to myself.

That's fucked up, dude.

No, dude.

That's a great restaurant.

Okay?

You do it all the time.

You do it all the time!

It's such an exaggeration.

He does it all the time!

I've shared more than I've taken away.

Another one, a Mexican restaurant he's done at.

Which one?

I forgot what it was called,

but you're like,

and I go to the spot,

or no, what it was is Italian restaurant.

Remember that Italian restaurant near our house?

Yes.

Yeah. And you go, and we're sitting there and you go, yeah, come here.
I've been coming here for years. Right.
And it's like two minutes from my house. I go, hmm, never heard of it.
Yeah. But first of all.
Yeah. So it's hoarding thing.
I share more than I hoard. Hey.
Hey. Bobby is here saying, the manager at Boulevard, BLVD, says that I go there twice a week or I go there all the time.
How many times have we gone there? He's been there twice. Thank you.
We've only been. Was it in the same week? No.
No. Months apart.
Twice that you're aware of. Bobby.
Why? Why? Is that not the truth? I've only been twice twice thank you so much thank you that's bullshit in your fucking face that's not she's always been on your side no shit you know you know in a war she's on your side but first of all yeah yeah twice a week is chaos what i want to say is i will never i don't hoard from you and i and i and it's not deliberate but i've introduced you to a lot of spots let's be honest i've taken you to spots and i've gone i think you'd like this and he knows that's true and you go this is really good thank you for telling me yeah but when you say i've been coming for years then it kind of hurts man that's fine that place is brand new but the italian place was my little spot yes that was you horded that i should admit that oh okay. So he does hord.
You know why? All right. Can I tell you why? Because I like to go alone.
I used to like to go to that place alone. Okay.
So sometimes when I was. Your quiet time at a fancy Italian restaurant.
Yeah. I've seen you eat alone.
Thank you. Yeah, I have no friends.
Oh. Me fucking either.
What? You're the only guy I know. Do you? Hello? Hello.
Oh my God. You are doctor friend.
You're professor friend, dude. Dude, you have so many friends.
You're the fucking guy of friends, dude. Did I go to the med school for friends? Yeah, let me see.
I'm on a golfing trip with all your friends. Let me tell you something.
I'm alone. When I walk in a room.

Oh my God. I can't even believe what I'm hearing.

When I walk in a room.

Well, you guys don't back me up either.

You know he has more friends.

When I walk in a room, the theme song of Friends comes on.

I know.

That's how many friends I have.

Everywhere I go.

I'll be there for you.

Yeah.

Where everybody knows your name.

That's you.

You're Cheers.

It is Bobby's mom.

Yeah, yeah. You have friends.
That yeah you have friends that was really good that was really good thank you but but also um carlos all right um let's be can we all be honest yeah you don't hang out with a lot exactly you're just like on date thank you so professor friend okay this sounds like a you thing than a me thing and i'm your your best friend or one of them. Apparently you don't have any fucking friends.
So I'm not even your best friend. You don't even have any friends.
That's more. You're almost there.
I should be there. You're almost there, dude.
Who else? You change some of your behaviors. What the fuck? A hoarding.
No no yeah yeah open your heart completely

name one person

on earth

that's not blood to you

that cares about

cares about you

the way I care about you

Gene Hong

Gene Hong

does he check in

yeah

I could text you right now

he texted me today

what did he say today

I'll show you

I'm glad you said that

bring it up

let me see

he's your best friend

yeah he goes

when can we do dinner

and catch up

yeah what'd you say? And I said, this weekend. What'd he say? What's the previous text? He goes, he goes, did you eat yet? I'm hungry and dumb already ate.
I go, I'm on Ozempic. And I go, I knew it.
He goes, I knew it. Fuck, I'm going to be the fat one in the group now.
Then Saturday goes dinner. Didn't respond to that.
The fat one? Wait, wait, wait. The group? Oh, this is interesting.
Like the group of the friends? That's interesting. That's an interesting thing to bring up, Your Honor.
Did you just bring? Interesting, interesting, interesting. The group, which means dumbfounded.
Okay, okay. Who else is in your little group? Ali Wong.
Who else is in your little group? We went bowling. Jimmy O'Yang.
We went bowling. Who else is in your group? ali wong who else is in your little group we went oh yeah we went bowling but who else is in your group ronnie chang but asians are not considered ken john yeah wait wait asians are considered a full complete person five like clowns you're like clowns right if like some 80 of us come out of the car it's like one person well five to one right five to one one regular person so my point is is that you can't count that i think it's also when i do asian korean gatherings right they just happen to be there that's what friends do yeah you just happen to show up you know and it's like a ching chong fest i don't know what else to call it you know it's an asian fest yeah i read the i should have read the text yeah it gave it away yeah you buried yourself yeah i buried myself in that you buried yourself that's why i'm you know i'd be a bad lawyer i would forget things yeah oh no you just yeah you would just give them information they should they should have yeah yeah by the way speaking of lawyers let's not go to this oh no oh no i know now let's do it no i mean you let's get it over with no okay you asked me why i was bummed out lately.
Yeah. I think that was the foundation of it.
So, I did see this. I sent this to Carlos.
You rubbed it in my face last week. No, I didn't.
No, I didn't. What I said was- You rubbed it in my mouth.
I said, it's blasphemy. And I said to Carlos- With a smirk.
I said, he's going to be pissed off. Yeah.
Tom DeL long is being inducted into the poway high school hall of fame tom de long of blink 182 by the way the thing that i was upset about was there was another woman that was inducted who i don't think is famous none of them are well tom de long he's the only he's the first guy that's famous that is actually in the hall of fame before it's like scientists and there was one guy an actor who was like he started a community theater in north park i mean for gay men it's like okay he's in well maybe you need to do something like that important work something for the community oh you think i'm not doing important work for for for them yeah but i i don't know what they want and and when i went to school there i didn't know what they wanted yeah i didn't feel a part of i felt ostracized not by the school itself by the people that inhabited well just the whole i mean you have to understand powie high school was that controversy where that kid wore that anti-gay t-shirt and he went to court for it. I don't remember this.
Yeah, look it up. So Poway High, some kid wore I Hate Gays or something like that? No, it was like a derogatory t-shirt with, you know what I mean, that expressed his point of view about.
Gay is not okay. Is that what he wore? I don't know.
But what I want to say is what I've done for the school, okay? I was on two sporting teams. Yeah, wrestling and- Tennis.
Oh. Right.
What? I forgot. Yeah, yeah.
I was a pure counselor. You were? Yeah.
Wow. I don't know why you're smirking, guy.
I thought you said it was a pear counselor at first. And I thought, yeah.
Like the fruit? Mm-hmm. I didn't know why you're a smirking guy I thought you said it was a pear counselor at first and I thought yeah like the fruit I didn't know they did counselors by shape the good one you were a peer counselor you were on two sports everybody liked you, you were a musician did you play at the school? no I wasn't a musician then but i was also in a play and also fourthly though i also was um i got sober my junior year right so my senior year i was like you know i participated and you know i mean 12 step kind of things and spread a positive message you know i mean at school you know i think what they're um they're basing on is my nudity and my what does that have to do with anything that's what i'm i mean that's my point of view no i think they're basing it on i think they're basing it on the fact that you are um free creative wild unhinged and these people on that list are probably bridled protected safe you're free you're an artist yeah they don't have any wild artists on there like did you remember like um they had um a counselor for like that what was it called it was like an occupational counselor or something where you know that you would see somebody like you know i mean a staff member of the school and they would.
Yeah. Occupational therapist or whatever.
But we had that where it was like, and I remember going in, they're like, all right, well, they looked at my grades and they go, woodshop. And I go, I was a junior.
I was like, woodshop? I mean, that's because you're failing in all these things and you have no asset or ability, right? And I'm like, you know, could go back now i would go yeah but i'm funny is that is there a path for that right but that to that school that kind of is not even a they wouldn't never promote that or give you an option option wasn't an artistic school didn't have well it's like yeah it's like it's either you become an engineer or lawyer doctor or whatever whatever right or you know a businessman or you're working with wood right you know i mean i don't know what you know i mean you're a welder or whatever you know also never never in my life seen an asian carpenter yeah you wouldn't last a day i've never seen an asian look google are there asian carpent carpenters I cannot Was Jesus Asian I don't think there's ever been an Asian carpenter Yes there are Asian carpenter There are buildings Who built the buildings in Asia The buildings in Asia We send white people over there No no no no Not Africans There's a guy's Instagram called the Asian carpenter Exactly Well let me see some of his work Let's see some some of his work Look at that table Dude that's a standard very good table He built just the legs it says He didn't even build the top Fuck this guy Doesn't look any carpentry to me Oh staircasing That's the ceiling Anyway Anyway I remember at school When I was in high school I was like I remember going Oh I'm fucked Yeah I felt the exact same Because they're like You have They told you To your face There is no future for you Yeah And this is where you We suggest you go And I'm like I can't believe there's no way so i had to go out in the world and you know feel some pain yeah and then it drove me into whatever i'm doing now but um look at what you look at you now i think that in many ways pirate powie high school drove me into this because it's like they were they didn't support me right and so um that made you stronger so now you know what with that point of view i don't want to be in the hall of fame good but you do i don't you do a little bit i do yeah i sure do but you know what but if it doesn't happen i understand it should happen and i don't understand and i will say this i'm going down to san diego to do shows down there i'm thinking about stopping by no when are you going paying a little when are you going visit when are you going i think it's in february i don't know i have to go with you yeah you do i think i'm gonna pay a little fucking visit to powell high school i think it's the move in fact you know what i would love to do yeah you doug stanhope used to do shows at Montreal across the street from the corporate venues

or whatever.

Yeah.

I think it was Montreal.

Yeah.

Have you heard about this?

I remember that, yeah.

We should do a show across the street, a pop-up show across the street from Poway High.

Where is Poway High?

Look at Poway and what's across the street.

Is there like a field or something?

I think there's a theater attached to Poway High School.

I don't know if you can rent that out.

It's got to be theirs though.

Well, that's right.

That's on them.

Yeah.

Listen up.

If there's anybody at the Performing Arts Center. That's nothing to do with the high school I think Yeah that Powys Center I think it's attached to the school But I think that it's private Like we can rent it Maybe we should do our 250 episode from there Just getting sick of his shit I know Just getting real sick of his shit Let's let go of this i mean are you in yours hall of fame at your school there is no hall we don't have a hall of fame but i'm in like the wikipedia page yeah me too i'm in the wikipedia yeah no we don't have we don't have a hall of fame yeah yeah you don't have one no it's actually very weird i've never why'd you start one up well i've never heard of this until your school do you guys know about your hall of fame having andres i'm clearly not asking you you didn you.
You didn't go to high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean... Well, you know, Carlos, your school doesn't have a Hall of Fame.
No, my dad's in the Hall of Fame at the military school I went to. That's not what we asked.
That's not what we asked, bud. I was just proud.
Yeah, it has nothing to do with you. Anyway, how about you, McCone? I don't know.
Can I tell you what I think it is? What? And you're going to be so mad. Yeah.
It's just too far away from fame. What do you mean? I'm too far away from fame? No, what I'm saying far away from no what i'm saying is is that like you know obviously when you go out into the you know it's just less famous people come from smaller towns like for instance i don't know if you go to like beverly hills high right oh right how many famous people came from there a lot because a lot because the businesses just are enveloped around them right there's access and you know through nepotism and whatnot yes yes yes and it's in the thing it's in the city right so i'm sure if you saw the beverly hills high school hall of fame there's a it's stacked but then if you go to like you know um peoria illinois some school there's hall of fame there's probably nobody famous that came from there i mean so why would they have a hall of fame well we have we have a not so i i know what you're saying although yours isn't impressive either let's be honest it's not like you're saying a million very cool famous people can went to tony gwynn came went to my school okay baseball player okay um stephanie seymour supermodel who had a baby with axel rose not a real thing nobody cares okay nobody cares not a real thing nobody cares i care yeah but that's a bullshit don't make a real fame i'm Rose? Not a real thing.
Nobody cares. Okay.
Nobody cares. Not a real thing.
Nobody cares. I care.
Yeah, but that's a bullshit. Don't make a real thing.
Tom DeLong. One guy.
Yeah, that's the guy. No, you're not there.
You're not even on it. So no, that's wrong.
It's not you. All these other people are nobodies.
You're wrong. Okay.
Tony Gwynn. That was the only one.
And by the way, these guys don't even know who Tony Gwynn is. Only I do because I like baseball.
Well, they mean one from your school. Andrew Santino.
I know, that's it. No, there is actually a lot.
A lot of pro athletes. Oh, that's good.
A lot of athletes. Okay, good.
Oh, Bob, did you see you're at a sperm bank as an option for people to want their babies to look like you? What? Seriously? Yeah. You're under Bill Paxton, Young.
Wow. Benedict Wong, Bill Paxton, and Bobby Lee.
Who did the check mark? You did? Carlos. Yeah, yeah.
Smart. Okay, so how about this from now on? Let's not talk about Poway High School Hall of Fame ever again.
I don't need to. Because last week you kind of bummed me out, but now I'm kind of going through the process of letting it go, and I'm going to let it go.
It's an injustice is all I'm going to say. I mean, I truly believe it is, though.
I really. I'm not, I'm not being facetious.
I mean, can I, can I just try to just verbally say why I think it is? Your case. State your case.
You think I should state my case? Without bragging. Yeah.
I mean, that'll be hard to do, but go ahead. Okay.
So I have two, I have one very popular podcast. Yeah.
With you. Yeah.
I have one that's fairly popular, Tiger Belly. Okay.
So then I also was on a sketch show. A cultural iconic sketch show.
On television for eight years. Say a culturally iconic.
A culturally iconic sketch show for eight years. Correct.
I've done numerous big parts in comedy movies. And television shows.
I've been a series regular on a couple of TV shows one of the most famous of a remake of a TV show as well which one's that? oh yeah Sex and the City that's a recurring yeah Reservation I mean I've just done a lot of Hawaii Five-0 yeah Magnum P.I. same thing I know it is I've done I've done a lot.
You got yelled at by Adam Sandler? Yeah, I got yelled at by Adam Sandler. How many people have been yelled at by Adam Sandler on that list? I also have done The Tonight Show as a stand-up, and now I'm coming out with a special on a major streaming.
I mean, I've done a lot. A lot.
You know what I mean? A lot. And if that doesn't do it, I don't know what else does.
Yeah, I don't know. So then it's personal.
They just don't like me and what I stand for. And that's okay.
That is okay. Who's on the board? Can we find out who's on the board? I don't want to know.
They don't like me. I'm going to call them.
And it's because I go, and all that stuff. You know what I mean? And that's just who I am.
Don't show us any more sperm banks. Is that where you're going to pop up? Yeah, no more sperm banks.
No more sperm banks. You can bring up some other bullshit if you had it.
I saw you digging. Because it's embarrassing to fight for that.
What I just did there was embarrassing. No, it's not embarrassing.
You deserve to be recognized. What do you got? What is that? What is this? What do you got? Yeah, I just found this gay Chinese guy.
I thought you'd like him.

Oh, okay.

He used to say gay in Chinese.

What's his name?

Luke.

If that was my brother.

My dad.

Oh, my God.

How awesome.

His name is Luke.

Luke.

Luke Chinese.

Luke Camille.

And you would never see Luke again.

Luke Chinese.

Yeah.

He's in the middle of the day. my dad oh my god how awesome his name is luke luke chinese and you would never see luke again luke chinese yeah his name's just luke chinese he's the best that's a three ways to say gay and chinese yeah now can i i don't want to be racist against my own ethnicity it's not really why that's near you okay he's chinese no that's i didn't say nationality that's ethnicity yeah yeah but he's asian isn't the ethnicity kind of he's chinese they're oh so there are uber asians they're the most asian oh they are okay they're the most asian my bad my bad okay so he's full-blown asian he's 100 asian yeah yeah and i'm just mid-drip yeah yeah yeah yeah you're the adjacent yeah you're right next yeah and without being controversial yeah right does he have a big head i'm a cop that guy robbed you yeah right and and and you gotta do so um what was what did the guy look like when The person that robbed you Did you get a good look at him Yeah he was a Chinese guy Yeah yeah So Chinese guy He had like a shaved head Yeah Or not a shaved head But a buzz haircut A buzz haircut Alright so I'm gonna get my illustrator Come here Frank Frank comes Okay So I haven't really Cause buzz head But like shape of the face Shape of the Yeah, just the overall shape of it.
It was overall, yeah. What do you mean? Well, the overall shape.
It wasn't overall shape. Oh, so that's...
Sorry, oval, all shape. Oh, oval.
Oval shape. Yeah, it was all...
Oh, it's oval. So is it more wider or is it top to bottom? I mean, can you...
It's kind of both. Oh, so just a gigantic, like a moon.
Kind of like a moon. All right.
Let's just do a moon. Like a moon.
Okay. So, and his body.
His body. Yeah.
Yes. His body.
I remember it. Yeah.
Yeah. What's his body like? Thick.
Oh, so. Well fed..
Right. Well-fed.
Not hungry. So, Mars.
Yes. Yeah.
It was kind of the moon of Mars. Mars.
Yes. And then moon.
Correct. All right.
Put that out. I think they got him.
They got him right away. That's interesting.
Chinese Luke, we love you. We love you.
I just want to let you know we love you. A lot of followers? Yeah, Luke Chinese.
He's killing it. He educates people on how to say things in Chinese.
Carlos just goes for how to say gay in Chinese. In case you go to China, is that what that's for? Yeah, we run into some Chinese people in Singapore.
Interesting. And we just might.
And you got to be, you know, when we go to Singapore, you better be on your best behavior. They will lock you up for fucking around over there.
You know this, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is not a joke.
Don't fuck around. I'm not making a joke.
Well, what fuck around would keep me in trouble? I don't know. You know.
Even asking, hey, you guys have any holes against walls? Yeah, where are the holes at? Yeah, yeah. That can't be illegal.
Asking for holes? 100%. Yeah, yeah.
If you spit gum on the ground, they beat the shit out of you. Well, I already looked up the...
Look up crazy laws in Singapore. It's nuts.

They're going to get you, bud.

Chewing gum is not illegal,

but selling it is.

The penalty for selling gum is up to $100,000.

So we can't...

Can we try to...

Can we try to smuggle some gum across the...

Yeah, that's why we're bringing McCone.

All right.

Second one is bad for you.

So here's the thing.

Smoking is illegal everywhere

and e-cigarettes are banned.

You got to bring up... You got to bring a 12 pack Of bubble yum Bubblicious If I don't see that in Singapore dude We're gonna have a problem So public smoking I smoke Smoking is illegal in most places E-cigarettes are banned If caught smoking in public you can face up to $800 fine Oh fuck it fuck it.
I have $800. Connecting to someone else's Wi-Fi.
Oh my God. I do that all the time.
All the time. Whoa.
Wait, that's punishable. Three years ago.
By debt? Oh no. $10,000 fine.
Oh my God. All right.
Jaywalking, $1,000. I'm a jaywalker.
I be jaywalking. I'm JJ walking.
Yeah, dude. I jaywalk all the time.
Not flushing a public toilet, leaving poopoper piss in a urinal can result in 150 that's it i'm not going i can't there's a i can't go this one's gonna hurt you yeah walking naked at home there's a penalty for walking around naked at your own home insane feeding pigeons this one's from a cone that's a criminal offense buddy yeah yeah five hundred dollar fines that's on you dude don't get any ideas so what's it singing in public. Oh, shit in public singing or reciting so Jet Ski is going to be in deep shit illegal commercial this is what we want to test some of these rules yeah I do here's what I'm going to do I'm going to get a whole pack of bubble yump stick it my mouth, right? And I'm going to be half naked in the streets.

And I'm going to go, it's a hard knock life for us.

It's a hard knock life for us. And I'm going to just see how long it's going to take.

Oh, my God.

You think quick?

Yeah.

So fast.

Oh, yeah.

Wait a minute.

Being homosexual, punishment is up to two years in jail.

Oh, Carlos, you can't go. No, we'll just go for one each Alright That's insane Drinking alcohol between 10pm 10.30pm and 7am What does that say What Oh yeah there it is Holy shit Oh no We can't fly a kite that interferes with public traffic What are we no, dude.
What are we going to do with all that fucking kites? We've got a bin of kites. That sucks.
We were going to bring all those kites. So, what's busking? Is singing for money on the street.
Busking. You know when you're like singing with a hat? I was going to bring my acoustic guitar.
How are we? Dude, we should be busking. We should busk over there.
Can you imagine they fucking arrest you for busking? That's insane. Firecrackers, pirated content are banned, pornographic stuff.
I mean, we're not going to bring any magazines, I guess. Okay, wait, wait.
I bet you money they block porn sites there. You have VPN.
Got to get a VPN on your phone. I have a VPN.
Yeah, then you can watch whatever you want. That's what I do.
Okay, okay. Yeah, they block porn 100%.
Because I've never really been to a strip club at never really been to a, you know, a strip club at an Asian country. Me neither.
Oh, they have them there? Do they have strip clubs in Singapore? Yeah. What's it called? 10 Men's Club.
That might be one you don't want to go to. Why? Well, because it's 10 men.
You'll heal them. Yeah, but what if I know those men? Wait, what's Club? Oh shit, John.
Club to Emperor. We're a bit run down.
The women are beautiful, which makes for good eye candy. Well, they're honest.
Okay. So they do have it out there.
I guess, but it doesn't really look like- Is porno- Carlos, we gotta go. Hell yeah.
Hell yeah. Is porn illegal in Singapore? I feel like it- Yes.
Do we want to go? I don't know. I mean, they...
All right. Google if they have any Michelin star restaurants.
I mean, that's an incentive. Yeah.
I bet. What's the best like top three restaurants? Because I love food.
Oh, there you go. Michelin guy to Singapore.
Yeah. Oh, we...
So... All right.
They've got a lot. All right.
Here's the deal, dude. We will go to all these.
No, no. I need someone from our team to make reservations before.
I'm being real. Odette.
I'm writing this down. Yeah.
At least four of them. I also have a list of places that we can go because my friends that have gone have told us there's spots that are great.
Yeah, yeah. Scary Times USA.
Yeah, it could also work as a problem. Yeah, yeah.
We had a great, I had a great time in Scary Times. I think it was better than the last one we did.
Yeah, it was great. I think that if all of them went like that, I'd be encouraged to do more.
I had so much fun on it. You know what it was? Is that we didn't rehearse that much.
You know, you guys kept it loose. We had good bits lined up.
Yeah, I mean, we kind of knew the directions, but it's like, in terms of of order I think they were mixed up a little bit But I was fine with it I just thought the guest was great It was surprising to see the angry grandmother Yeah she was great You know they drove here from Michigan I just love her and her grandson so much So funny Dax Flame came by Love Dax The Goob Goopadopolis came the Goopadopolis came and I thought on top of that we had a drag queen book reading yeah because I wanted to get educated I thought Jules was fun I thought the whole thing was very positive and we should do it again I would love to do it again I had a great time I like doing stuff like that yeah it's different than this because it's like it's looser it's wild it's wild and the interaction with the fans I do love when we get to talk to the fans bringing them up on the screen seeing them in their home you know I mean we could dedicate for a second to talk about our fans first because I don't think we do that enough give it to me yeah it's the thing that keeps me going I think well that's beautiful and sad at the same time time it is sad it's more sad than beautiful it's the thing that makes me kind of want to get up and put one foot in front of the other and move forward that we have people we've met them in the streets and it's a real surprise and a real blessing and i i've just been what why'd you shake your head because i don't believe it hmm i would like to address something in the room no no no no i would i would i'd really like to address something in the room No no no no I'd really like to address something in the room Please I know we've said it as a joke You know what I mean About firing Oh my god And changing the team up Yeah we have And you know we do it in jest You know I really mean this I think we should change it up Okay Okay. Because right there, right there was fucking out of pocket.

Out of pocket.

It was unaligned with my morals and my system.

Unaligned.

Blatant disrespect.

Blatant disrespect.

Cringeworthy, if I'll be honest.

You know, I've noticed lately, you talk to me in a certain way as if we're bros.

That's so not true, Bob.

As if we're both captains of the same ship. No.
this ship dude you're scooping shit yeah i'm the captain no that's projection that's how you would act even that respond right there is what i'm talking about even just that response right there i don't curse at you that's that response to everything you're saying right now dude is what i'm talking about how i grew up okay no you never you never used to be like this and so for me to get vulnerable to talk about the fans and for you to call me out on something that wasn't even a thing right is really hurtful it is and um do i have time to apologize no there's no no you did it the damage is done so i'm going to highly consider um maybe coming up with options. I'm okay with that.
Yeah. Yeah.

Let's talk about all the group.

Okay.

Might as well.

McCone.

Yeah.

You've been a lot better with me.

Impressive.

You're not needy.

You know what I mean?

And I think you've softened a little bit.

I think you know how to read me in this situation. And I think that you're good for right now.

You're okay.

Yeah.

Fancy.

I will never do your zombie movie.

I will never do it.

In fact, I will do nothing outside of this with you.

Yeah.

I think that you attack me way more than you attack Andrew.

That's true. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's undeniable.
About how fat I am and gay. What? What? I agree.
Yeah, you agree. Yeah, but you know what? Yeah.
You're honestly, though. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, you speak your mind. You are skating on thin ice.
There's no ice. There's no ice left.
All right. Well, you're on a lake.
Yeah, you have skates on and you're in the water. Why? What did I do that's so bad besides my- He's the last couple of times he said to me that you're frustrating him for some reason.
And I think it's because, look, you run the Instagram account for Bad Friends, right? Yeah. You do a great job.
Thank you. I think a little bit of that follower number is going to your head a little bit i mean we see see yeah see it's going to his head are you using it to dm people no i do that on my own account but i mean do you ever like transfer the girl over to her carlos? Uh-huh.
Obviously. Okay.

So he's got power now.

You know, I also- A good amount of power.

Yeah.

I also want to say this, and this is from my heart.

Yeah.

And managing the Australian tour.

And you're doing a great job.

Great job.

I didn't say you were doing a good job.

I'm saying your relationship with me.

Yeah, he's talking about our person.

And how I feel in the workplace.

Okay.

Okay?

And for many years, I thought that you work for us and we happen to be at seven eckies right but the truth is you work for seven eckies and you're a spy that's insane yeah you're you're a spy because i see you over there right and you know the woodwork verywork, very comfortable there. Very comfortable.
And that's, you know, I understand now that you're not really on our ship. You're a hired gun.
But I should know that place because I go to work there. I should know my way around.
This does sound like some spy shit, though. It's spy shit, dude.
No, I'm a double agent. That's what we're saying.
Yeah. That's not a good thing.
What the fuck he's saying? No, that's saying no that's not a good thing oh you're working both sides yeah so what's the real end game yeah just hanging with my bros i just want no no no no that's not what that is it no that's not it that's not it no no no that's not it no yeah what's the real end game what's the end game here dude our demise i have had this fantasy here we go go. This is the truth.
Let's hear it.

Yeah, finally.

I love it.

No, it has nothing to do with Andrew.

Oh, no.

What is it? That I come in with some really good news.

Like, guys, I finally did it.

I have another job.

I thought you'd be so proud of me.

I didn't need your help to get there.

I'm going to go spread my wings.

And I'm going to say, like, fuck you, Bobby. Wow you Bobby because you're gonna make fun of me in that moment and I'm gonna be prepared so you daydream about telling Bobby to go fuck himself that's like a moment no it's a night dream sometimes oh you this is like an immersive dream where you feel it's deep paralysis I can't even get out but you feel it you're saying fuck you to him and it feels good in your dream yeah wow you didn't say hi to me or on dress for five minutes at andrew's party and then you made fun of us for having a conversation alone i should be allowed to talk to fancy okay i understand you don't understand let's talk about something else i understand now

i know i understand it it just came to me like you know you saw it i saw it all wow like the first time i saw it you know i mean you remember they live yeah right right yeah i could put the glasses on and then it i know what it is it's clear i see the writing in the wall you know i I see the world

I see the matrix

and it's stacked up against me

and I have to survive. You do.
You have to fight back. I do have to survive.
Because you can't just sit there. I can't sit there and let them take over.
Right. Yeah.
And I think I'm generous. The guy cleaning the boat can sharpen his knife at night and dream about murdering the captain wow oh my it's a common wow wow this is how you feel yeah yeah yeah we're finally i love it this is the real stuff this is it i love it this is the real stuff no what's real no no no no no that's bullshit so tell everyone in comedy you've always been my hom.
You and Andrew. I've always trusted you guys.
Yeah, but. Yeah, but what? But sometimes you have bully tactics.
I don't have bully tactics. Oh, that's, not talking to me in fancy when you walk in, you only talk to the famous people.
He was busy. I was busy talking to the famous people.
Thank you, sorry. Yeah, yeah.
I walk in, oh, there's famous, famous. Oh, I go to the guys I see every day.
I mean, what what are you talking about but that's his job to go talk to other people exactly it's work he's a personality you know and you should know that you're right you know i mean you're fucking right you know that's time that you were hitting on kalilah when i was dating her that is insane what you know i mean you don't think i know about that either dude so you know me you want to, you want to go or you want to go? Whoa. Whoa, dude.

Whoa.

Whoa, dude.

All right?

Have you had an issue recently with somebody?

Yeah.

Okay.

That's why I can feel this.

Yeah.

Something's going on.

Something's going on with him, yeah.

Because, you know, when he, something's going on, he attacks.

Mm-hmm.

And he's attacking me, you know?

You're on truth.

Listen, guy, you know, here's the truth, guy.

Right?

I love you too.

That's what I said.

What? He said, here's the truth. I know, he was about to say i love you no no no you know i've always had a sense that you know i liked you more than you liked me that's so um i felt that yeah me too yeah and um i'm willing to i'm willing to fight your hate with my love thank you that is interesting yeah it's Yeah, pretty interesting, huh? And can I tell you something about that? Tell me about it.
When you said fight hate with love. Yeah.
You know who did that? Oh, yeah. Jesus.
That's right. And what did your counselor in high school tell you to be? A carpenter.
Mm-hmm. So it is right here.
Exactly, dude. You are a carpenter.
And you're a carpenter of the soul. So what you're doing is you're building doing is you're building cabinets you're well a love castle is what i was gonna say okay yeah you're building a love castle and others things of course gazebos and whatnot sure they have to be built on the outside but build the love castle yeah and go ahead throw it in a joke go ahead throw it i'll let you have it and go say it i'll have it over again i'm building like Little gazebos Little gazebos Yeah you have to build those as well Yeah And the stairs on the ceiling It wasn't even funny It wasn't even a good joke It wasn't even funny We waited for a fucking bomb wasn't even funny.
We waited for a fucking bomb. We waited all that time.
We waited for a fucking bomb. And stairs on the ceiling.
Dude, why did you laugh so hard at that? Because he knew how bad it was. Oh my God, it was pretty bad.
Oh my God. They look like fucking stairs, dude.
Hey, Bobby's building a love castle, cabinets, and gazebos. Yeah.
And if Carlos is going to come at you throwing fireballs of hate flame yeah guess what i have a love shield you have a love shield and you did a benefit for firefighters so they will be there if you need them exactly to put out this negative fire exactly that's really what i feel yeah and this podcast has been about grievances no grievances a lot of grievances yeah i've got another one i'd like to. I would love to hear your grievances and this is what the show's about.
Air out a little grievance here if you don't mind. McCall.
Yeah. Exactly.
Got a little something, something with you. Hey.
Step up to the mic. Preach.
Preach, my friend. You're not even going to believe this.
You know what? Maybe you are. I will believe it.
Okay, good. Right, because he can do anything's diabolical.
He is. Endless.
Tell it to me, friend. Okay.
This guy, he's going to Detroit with me this weekend, Detroit and Grand Rapids. I said, I'm going to get you out there so you can film and stuff like that.
Why not? What's my budget for cameras? That's what he says. What's my budget for cameras? My budget for cameras? I'm sorry.
He's not Aaron Sorkin. No, he thinks he is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm trying to expand.
What's my budget for cameras my budget for cameras i'm sorry he's not aaron

sorkin no he thinks he is i'm trying to expand what's my budget wait time out this is even better one i said well let's get you the flights let's look at the flights very expensive flights weren't they they were very expensive i call we take care of it it's fine let's get the flights text hey i'll show you hey

wait wait hold it if he he says i i honestly dude if he mentions anything about business class oh yeah i'm gonna lose my fucking mind i'm being real i will lose my fucking mind comfort plus or better then what did he say can i get comfort plus or better it's just i'll fucking show you comfort go get him go fuck him up go fuck this guy up he thinks he needs room for all his camera equipment i say you're not gonna put that under the seat i'm tall and i have to put under no no no business class no west jet no spiree yeah spirit in the air you know what dude cancel it all right yeah fuck it that's a good call it's insane you know what it's like you give them an inch They take a mile All of it They take all of it Yeah yeah yeah You've heard that phrase before right That's what you are dude Giving people an inch Fucking fucker dude Fucker dude What a fucking fuck fuck holy shit i've never why are you laughing i'm not yeah that was insane step back from the mic yeah step back from there jesus christ what do you say just talk about giving people an inch yeah really good it's pretty good now take notes spaniard yeah yeah that's we like over here. Yeah, that was a good one.
That's going to get him back in the running. Not in with me.
No, no, but still. Not in with me, but we took a couple of steps back.
Okay, you know what I mean? But wow. Wow.
All right, Carlos, clear the air finally. Just say what you need to say.
Yeah, go ahead. Because I know you want to just say it.
So just say what you want to say. I'm sorry, Bob.
No. That's not what it is.
That's not what it is. What are you sorry about? I'm sorry that I had those dark feelings about wanting to murder you.
And I thought that in our final moment of me coming here and want to spread my wings, that you'd be proud.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's not what I was mad about.

You brought that up with unsolicited.

Yeah.

I mean, I didn't even need to know that.

You know what I mean?

You made it worse by springing that up.

Way worse.

Yeah, what I'm saying is that I was giving a heartfelt message to the fans and you thought I was lying.

Right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So it's like, now I know way more information and now i feel even more angry yeah you know what i mean it's like why would you have these fantasies i've never had a dreadful fantasy about you i mean i've i've had fantasies of like saving you when you were drowning or something really oh yeah or so emotionally he didn't be emotional yeah yeah that I've only thought positive, I've only said positive things about you in the world, right? That's right. And for you to even have- He yelled at me so many times.
Dude, that's my role as a fucking boss. I'm sensitive sometimes.
No, you're not. I am.
We got in a fight in Atlanta and you hurt my feelings. What was the fight about? It was like a microphone not working in a previous show or something.
Exactly. And should have worked.
You're right. Exactly.
Like sustain pedals never work at venues. Never once.
Not one time. I'm in front of thousands of people.
And oh shit, the sustain's not working. I should have, you know, it's like, there's so many things that I could have, right? But I don't, you know? Get your shit together, you know get your shit together man it's getting together it's together it's been together we're gonna go to australia you're gonna eat at your fucking michelin restaurants you're gonna see wow no that's just me being passionate wow wow wow i i know i know i know i get it i can believe it.
It didn't sound like passion, dude.

It didn't sound like passion.

It sounded like deep resentment.

Yeah.

Passionate.

Do passionate, Fancy.

Give me passionate.

I love working with you, Bobby.

And we're going to make an awesome zombie movie together.

Oh, no.

No, delusional.

You know what, bud?

You know what?

I'm going to do the movie again.

Okay.

I'll do your zombie movie.

Bobby, don't do that.

I know.

Yeah.

I'll do it.

But he will. Yeah.
That's That's passion Yeah And McCone I have a small penis No you don't I don't But that's what you told the world But it's not And thank you so much for doing that man Like I don't have enough problems The world knows It worked No The world knows it's good Okay Just stop

Stop dude

God damn

I have a very good penis

And then

We'll see

Thank you for being a bad friend

Great Woo-hoo. Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.