Ms Pickleson & The Hot Sub

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Oh my god. No, don't.
What, you think I'm gonna vomit? Yeah. No, I'm not.
Oh, God. Yeah, that's done.
Get the bucket. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So I want to apologize to

Speaker 2 the Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco. I had to cancel over the weekend because

Speaker 2 I had a a little vomiting scare. What happened?

Speaker 2 Oh, my.

Speaker 2 Well, that's my bedroom.

Speaker 2 And McCone cleaned that. What did it look like after?

Speaker 2 It still smells though.

Speaker 2 Wait, it still smells? Yeah, it still smells. Yeah, because you vomited into your carpet.
Get a red. Yeah, I want deep.

Speaker 2 You ever heard of deep clean, dude? I went through like $500.

Speaker 2 You gave him $500? Yeah, for deep clean. You gave me two.
Yeah, I got it. You got two.

Speaker 2 You get upfront two, and then you finish the job you got 300 in feet

Speaker 2 i went through two of those smiley sponges i will go go through all of them i did all of them in your house a plethora he barely used get your own smiley sponge and bring it over yeah i'm not gonna give you the three until the smell's gone he only did it for like 20 minutes i know at 20 minutes go back over there right now while we're shooting all right so i'm gonna tell everyone what happened let's be truthful yeah okay i have no idea what happened i mean you canceled you canceled cops and i apologize i'm gonna i'm gonna make up the dates in February, and I'm going to give you guys the best show you'll ever have seen.

Speaker 2 All right. So that's a promise to you, and I apologize.
But what happened was I didn't know how to use the Ozempic pen. And I put the four times the amount in my body.
Right.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And so what happened before I put it in my body is I thought, well, I'm not going to be eating. So I'm going to have one fiesta, a Mexican fiesta.
So I brought, I got potato taquitos,

Speaker 2 a carnosara burrito, guacamole, chips, right? And I gorged. Any queso?

Speaker 2 No queso. Queso.

Speaker 2 Oh, I love miso.

Speaker 2 Did you like queso? I like queso. No, queso? Queso.
Queso? Questo. Queso.

Speaker 2 Questo. That's how Mike Tyson says queso.
Ye pes me some of the queso. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So what I so I gorged, and immediately I stuck the pin in my stomach. Yeah.
Right?

Speaker 2 But what happened was my food wasn't digested. Obviously, you're, you know, right when you eat.
So the Ozimpic was like, hey,

Speaker 2 what's going on in here?

Speaker 2 What's up in here, dog?

Speaker 2 What? What's going on in here? Oh, yeah, more like this. Hey, hey, what's going on in here? Who's this burrito guy? Yeah.
So. You out.

Speaker 2 Burrito, out. Taquitos, out.

Speaker 2 So I

Speaker 2 puked all over the studio. No, I puked at.
So I took a nap and I woke up gargling. Yeah, you were bubble guts.
Right. So then I did the puke at what McCone cleaned at my house.

Speaker 2 Did you not have time to go to your bathroom? Are you one of them? Dude, it was.

Speaker 2 I've never...

Speaker 2 We've lived together for, have you ever seen me vomit? Never, never. Wow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm a diarrhea guy. Yeah.
That's your thing. Yeah, I'm the king of that.
Other end. Yeah, I do the other end only.
Okay. Has anybody else ever thrown up at your home? No.

Speaker 2 That's the first puke in that house. Probably.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So then I came here. Then you had a little birthday cake.
We had a little bit of a cake. I had to eat some.
You had to.

Speaker 2 I had to eat some.

Speaker 2 And then we did the promo.

Speaker 2 And I knew. We tried.

Speaker 2 Why don't we play it for the fans? Yeah, watch this.

Speaker 2 Come play with us forever and ever and ever. Bobby's breathing.
Swallows.

Speaker 2 Look at him. Big breath.
Come and play with us. That's it.

Speaker 2 Keep watching. Keep watching.

Speaker 2 Keep watching, keep watching.

Speaker 2 This is the last, this one's the best one.

Speaker 2 It's so much. It's so much.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So much.

Speaker 2 Dude,

Speaker 2 I think we got it. We got it.
And let me say. I think we got it.
Are you okay? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And so, but these vomits, though,

Speaker 2 were violent. Yeah, that looked like it hurt.
But now,

Speaker 2 every hour at home, I didn't even sleep in my room. I slept in your old room.
And I left the door open so I could go right to the bathroom because the bathroom was close to the door.

Speaker 2 You just slept in the tub. Yeah, and every hour that kind of, it was the worst 24 hours, 48 hours.
Did you lose any weight? I'm still fat.

Speaker 2 And that's, you know what I mean? And that's the problem. Yeah.
Yeah. Here's another thing about Ozimpic that I want to talk about.
Yeah. Is that I'm not eating at all.
And so I, I,

Speaker 2 I feel so tired because I'm not eating any protein. Since when?

Speaker 2 Because last night was a pretty good one. What do you mean? You at my house, you had like seven sausages.
No, I didn't. I didn't have seven.

Speaker 2 Dude.

Speaker 2 We counted. No, stop, no, stop.
All right.

Speaker 2 I had one sausage. Whipped cream fan.
Right?

Speaker 2 A quarter of your pretzel. No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You had a half a pretzel.
No, I didn't. No, it wasn't a half.
You gave me a corner. It was a half.
Yeah, but I didn't finish it. Okay.

Speaker 2 I didn't finish it. There's no proof of that.
Yeah. And then I ate

Speaker 2 some of your delicious apple turnover. That turnovers are so good.
With your homemade

Speaker 2 whipped cream. Whipped cream, right? So good.
Right. So it sounds like like Ozempic's really kicking into full gear.

Speaker 2 But I only had a little bit of it. That was all I ate the whole day.
You didn't have anything? No, that was it the whole day. Okay.
You know, that was my meal.

Speaker 2 And so today, when we had the, we went to a Michelin star restaurant, right? Which was very nice. And that's where I ate fish.

Speaker 2 It was the first time you had fish. Yeah, yeah, ever.
And I ate some caviar. What was in there, too? We had what was in the side of it.

Speaker 2 It was like crab, right? Some crab inside and then some eel. And so that eel and sticky rubber.

Speaker 2 If you watch Naked and Afraid, yeah, love it. Okay.
You know, it's a survival show. And they haven't eaten in four days.
And when they actually finally eat protein, they can feel it in their body.

Speaker 2 Working. Sometimes they get really sick because their body's not used to it.
Yep. But sometimes they're like, I can feel that it gives them immediate energy.

Speaker 2 Not that that happened.

Speaker 2 German sausages didn't do it for you. What I'm saying is, but you instantly feel better.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You feel like you're.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, without today's dinner we had, I would be so tired out. Did you eat any breakfast? No.
No lunch? No. So what are you doing today? Just water? Are you drinking anything? I'm electrolytes.

Speaker 2 So like Gatorated. Yeah, and I've gotten IVs every day.
Don't do that every day? Yeah, I need nausea. You're not supposed to get an IV every day.
Just three days in a row. That's every day.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 That's not good. I know.
And then inflicted, well, they couldn't even find the hole. You're going to have track marks on your arm.
We're going to think you're using again.

Speaker 2 So, yeah, but I needed the nausea medication. Oh, because you've, don't they, with Ozempic, don't they usually prescribe you anyway? No, they didn't.
They didn't. So

Speaker 2 I feel bad about the

Speaker 2 Cobbs. I apologize for that.
And then

Speaker 2 now the big question, will I continue to use it?

Speaker 2 I don't know yet. How long do you have to take? Isn't there, there's got to be a minimum amount of time they need you to take it before it's, because you can't just go right off it.

Speaker 2 It's probably really bad for you.

Speaker 2 Do you do it in the morning? You shoot yourself in the morning? You only do it once a week. According to clinical trials, look at the side effects of it's called semegalitude.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The active ingredient in those ever people lose an average of about 5% of body weight between weeks six and 12. You got to go 12 weeks.
I got to go 12 weeks.

Speaker 2 The most benefit out of, I don't like the name. It sounds like shmegma.
Shmegmalitude. Scientific research suggests you need to be taking it for at least a year.
I'll go a year. I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll go a year.

Speaker 2 Do you think Chelsea Handler does it?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you guys are kind of the same. Yeah, yeah.
And she swears by it.

Speaker 1 But I feel like you're going to be ugly once you're skinny.

Speaker 2 I see. But that's not.
No, that's true. That's not the consensus on the street.

Speaker 2 Okay, let me just say something right now. The fucking Hoctua girl.
What's her name? Hoctua. Haley.
Haley Welch. Well, right?

Speaker 2 You know what she...

Speaker 2 And I'm going to start a war with this lady right now, dude. Why? Because I'm going to tell you why.
Okay? Okay. She's on her podcast, and she has a couple of girls on it, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they put up a photo. I guess they had put in Kim Jong-un

Speaker 2 in replace of just all. Kim Jong-un did the Hoctua show.
No, they fucking.

Speaker 2 We can't get Kim Jong-un. I know.
What the fuck are you guys doing? Right. And then they go, we didn't know you had Bobby Lee on the podcast.

Speaker 2 And then, and then Hoctua goes, I did have him. Because she looked at the photo and she goes, oh, there is Bobby Lee.
She thought I was Kim Jong-un.

Speaker 2 It's kind of cool. No, it's not.
It's kind of cool. He's so famous.
I know, but yeah. You would love to

Speaker 2 be, you'd love to be that famous. You can't go anywhere in North Korea without being recognized and praised.
That's your dream. I should go there.
Yes. That's what you're saying.
That's your dream.

Speaker 2 You could be the Kim Jong-un of South Korea. Yeah.
Or you could be like one of those movies

Speaker 2 where there's an assassinization, so they put in a fake Kim Jong-un. You could be that.
I'm the fake Kim Jong-un. Right.
And

Speaker 2 you go to South Korea.

Speaker 2 You know, I come. Hello, Ibaba.
He's back, and he's hip.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. He's friends with all the cool kids.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I come up with new.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I can be the funny. He's a South Korean dad.

Speaker 2 Everybody,

Speaker 2 I get on fucking television. Sai becomes your best friend? No, not fuck Sai.
He's doing his own gag. Yeah, I do my own three.
Everybody, no Cody,

Speaker 2 welcome.

Speaker 2 I dress you once a week this time.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 What do you think?

Speaker 2 And then some music.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Anyway, so that's why I'm losing weight.
For Haktua? Not just that. Not just Haktua.
It's just like, you know, people are saying now that I'm fat. I don't like it.
Look at me.

Speaker 2 You're not fat. I am.
No, you're not. No, you're not.

Speaker 2 No, you're not fat. You are the shape you're supposed to be.
Fat. I just don't feel good about myself.
Well, I want you to feel good. That's it.
Because I love you. All right.

Speaker 2 I mean, that's enough said. So I'm going to try this out.
You should feel good about yourself without the Ozempe is what I'm trying to say, because that's a negative place to be.

Speaker 2 If that's what you think it's going to take to get you to a good place with yourself. But it has been working for people.
But what does that mean? Does it work for a peer or just the physical?

Speaker 2 Because this needs to change, too. You need to find.
Oh, here we go. What the fuck are you doing? What are we doing? Well,

Speaker 2 there's a bunch of people on the internet that talk about the psychology of Ozempec. These people also need,

Speaker 2 you should be prescribed a therapist and Ozempe.

Speaker 2 Don't puke me. Sorry, sorry.
Please.

Speaker 2 You should have therapy with Ozempic. It should be required.
Because this needs to change too.

Speaker 2 Your brain? No, I'm talking about your temple.

Speaker 2 Fucking brain.

Speaker 2 Because when you do, there's so much in this area. Skull.
Was this where the hair followed? Is that where this name comes from? Temple? Because of Asians?

Speaker 2 Inamai tempo.

Speaker 2 The mind is your temple. This is a my tempo.
Oh, that's good. Yeah, that's a temple.
Is that where that came from? Maybe.

Speaker 2 Does it work with black voice? Stu It's my cornosto.

Speaker 2 My conestole. It's my corner stole.
Yeah, wow. By the way, that's funny that this.
Look,

Speaker 2 I have nothing negative to say about the kid. I don't know the girl.

Speaker 2 I think things like this in this culture do this thing to you where you're like, I want to be a certain way, so I'm perceived. Fuck that.

Speaker 2 Fuck that. Isn't that what? So a year ago, maybe eight months ago, I know, I don't want to say her name, but I know a comic that was a little rotund.

Speaker 2 And I hadn't seen her in a while, and I saw her at the comedy store. And you were like jealous.
I go, what's going on? You have a new workout routine?

Speaker 2 She goes, nah, oh, zimpic, baby. Like, what is it? And she just explained it to me.
I was like, oh, can anybody get it? Well, you've heard about it in the Zeitgeist of the World. No,

Speaker 2 because this is like a year ago. Before it was hot.
Yeah, so I didn't know about it. She kind of told me what.
And she goes, it was a diabetes medication that now it helps with curving appetite.

Speaker 2 Did you go to see your general doctor? I did. And then, so do they have monitoring you and stuff like that? Yes, they are.
All right. I just didn't know how to use the thing.
The pen.

Speaker 2 I think I did it twice. Yeah, don't do that.
Yeah, yeah. You got to be careful, dude.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, you can, seriously, people have gotten really, if you overdose on that stuff, like you take too much of it, it can fuck you up. You're in trouble.
It did fuck me up.

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, you could get, you could be hospitalized. You're lucky to be honest.
There was one point where at like three in the morning, I was heaving so hard and nothing was coming out.

Speaker 2 I hate that feeling. I know that like I thought my spine was going to snap.

Speaker 1 Your assistant called me yesterday, and she thought you were dead.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right. Well, that has to do with you not communicating with her ever either.
I know, but she thought she, and then what's so funny when I finally called her, she was weeping. You're alive!

Speaker 2 That's cute. It is cute.
I go, shut the fuck up, or you're gonna get fired, or something like that. That's how you say goodbye.
Yeah, no, I said, No, I said, stop it. I'm not gonna die.
Right.

Speaker 2 I was so worried about you. And she's like, who's gonna pay me to really not do your calendar?

Speaker 2 But she was, yeah, so she's, you call, so she called you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she kept calling me, but I was still asleep, so I got like a lot of missed calls from her.

Speaker 2 Wow. I love that she wouldn't call me.
Love that. Yeah.
I don't think she has your number. She does.
I communicate with her when we're trying to do shit with you.

Speaker 2 She has everybody's number. Everybody.
Oh, she does. Okay.
We've talked to all of them. Do this, though.
Do are you, first of all, before I do this, are you okay with this?

Speaker 2 This epic thing, or do you not like that he's doing it? See?

Speaker 2 Listen to her. Yeah, nobody likes that.
The youth knows.

Speaker 2 Tell him he's good just the way he is.

Speaker 1 You're good just the way you are.

Speaker 2 Well, tell that girl that I...

Speaker 1 Why are you listening to her?

Speaker 2 Why are you listening to her? Look up celebrities who lost a lot of weight. Jesse Plemons.
He looks great.

Speaker 2 He looks fucking great. All right, but that was natural, maybe.
No, let's see Jesse Plemons. Stars who have spoken about Ozempic.
Yeah, here we go. All right.
Oh, you could be like Fat Joe.

Speaker 2 Now, though. Look at Lil Go.
He looks great. But Fat's in his name.
How do you sell yourself as Skinny Joe? Middle Joe. Skinny Joe? Sounds like a local crackhead.
There goes Skinny Joe. Okay.

Speaker 2 Cut out Middle Joe. That wasn't even funny.
That made no sense. Cut out that joke.
Kathy Bates. Look.
Kathy Bates. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Bella Thorne. She didn't do it.

Speaker 2 Look at her. Ashley Benson.
I know Ashley. She's hot.
She's a sweet girl. Ice Spice.
Big fan of Ice Spice. She did it? Hold on, stop.
I want to see her quote.

Speaker 2 I wish y'all never learned the word Ozempic. That's one thing I wish.
Oh my god, like, what even is Ozempic? What the fuck is that? Genuinely, what is that?

Speaker 2 Like, you lazy ass bitches never heard of a gym. It's called the gym.
It's called

Speaker 2 healthy. It's called being on

Speaker 2 tour. Like, what the hell? Like, maybe if I was sitting home all day, it'd be easier to stay big.

Speaker 2 And by the way, it says during

Speaker 2 X Spaces chat.

Speaker 2 Nacy Gray.

Speaker 2 That was so good.

Speaker 2 Wait, what is that fancy? Hold on. Candy Burris.
I don't know who that is. She spells her name wrong.
Spence Dog.

Speaker 2 Wait, so no, no, no. These people, Carlos,

Speaker 2 that stars who spoke about Ozempic.

Speaker 2 God, you gotta get a hold of it. Tommy Bates was clearly on it.
I know, dude, but the other six weren't. Yeah, yeah.
Get to the ones that have been on it. Oprah.
Yes. Huge one.

Speaker 1 What about the girl that since you've been gone?

Speaker 2 I can breathe for the first time. That's okay.
Kelly Clarkson. Yeah.
She revealed in an episode of her talk show when speaking with Whoopi Goldberg that she's taking a drug to help her lose weight.

Speaker 2 Yep. She needed it.
She just said everyone thinks it's Ozempic. It's not.
She says it right there. Yeah, because there's offshoots,

Speaker 2 not Modera. There's other ones.
Modello? There are other ones that are like that. Does Modello make an offshoot like an offshoot? I don't know.
Yeah, you want to lose weight, bro? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Drink Estrella. Wait, wait, Amy Schumer.
It didn't help with her face, though, did it? All right.

Speaker 2 The Inzippic hit the body.

Speaker 2 But that doesn't go to the face. Did she get it?

Speaker 2 Schumer converted, she did triose epic like a year ago. She stopped because of the side effects.

Speaker 2 I got sick all the time. See? Yeah, yeah.
Go ahead. Keep going.
These people are going to. Yeah.
Whoopi Goldberg. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She got it for diabetes. Different.
Okay. I mean, you might have diabetes, but, oh, Tracy.

Speaker 2 I walk into the doctor. I say, yo,

Speaker 2 give me them weight loss pills. Give me that shit that make people look skinny.

Speaker 2 I want that shit.

Speaker 2 And I ain't letting it go.

Speaker 2 He's the fucking person. Yeah, that one that, yeah, Sharon? Yeah.
I had to lose the weight. Yeah, do her now, Heather Gay.

Speaker 2 I love love what Ozepic is doing for me.

Speaker 2 I feel friendly. Is that what she sounds like? I have no idea.
I don't know who that is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, Chelsea. Well, look, look, you're going to be in this list.
Bobby Lee will make it up there, but it's going to change the dynamic of this show.

Speaker 2 You're right. Remember when Piscopo got in shape? Ruined his entire comedy career.
Right.

Speaker 2 Joe Pisco. Do you guys even know who that is? Yes, I know.

Speaker 2 Well, I'll tell you about it. This guy, he was very funny, Rudy.
He got jacked.

Speaker 2 And then people didn't want to fuck with him anyway. But I'll tell you a real story.
Joe Piscopo, huh? If I may. Please.
When I was doing open mics

Speaker 2 when I was living in La Jolla, there was a guy that used to come down from LA. He was a fat kid, right? And he was funny.
We did open mics together. His name was Eric Edwards.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And all of a sudden, he Griffin, you mean? No.

Speaker 2 Loaded.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 and then all of a sudden he got two movies, big ones. He got Blade.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah. He plays the fat blob and blade.

Speaker 2 It says that on the breakdown. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fat blob.

Speaker 2 The fat blob and blade.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know this guy.

Speaker 2 Okay, go to images of the fat blob. Wait, haven't I met his guy? Give me a third.
Go to the third. Yeah, he got that.
Sick. Right?

Speaker 2 Wow. All right.
And then he got Sergeant Bilko,

Speaker 2 the Steve Martin movie. That's it.

Speaker 2 Go to Star Sergeant Bilberg, Bilco, Eric Edwards. I know this guy, though.
I feel like I've met him. Right?

Speaker 2 So go to any sort of, yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Go down here with Steve Martin down there. The third row? Third row? The left.
First one. So that's Eric Edwards.
That's when I met him, right? Then he lost 200 pounds. Wow.
I never saw him again.

Speaker 2 All that weight made him disappear. Now,

Speaker 2 what does Eric Edwards look like now? They're right there. Yeah, right there.
Look a healthy guy. Healthy.
Same thing with.

Speaker 2 And he's so talented, so funny, great guy.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 typecast Hollywood. Right.
People like you because you're this affable, round, beautiful Asian man.

Speaker 2 If you're. Oh, no.
When I was, dude, when I was on Mad TV, and on my thirds and fourths, I was skinny. But you weren't funny back then.

Speaker 2 I see. You're funny now.
I see I'm funny now. I'm funnier now.
Much. Yeah, yeah.
You're the funniest you've ever been. Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 I would argue right now in your career is the funniest you've ever been. Yeah, you think it has, it's equivalent to the fat.
There's a connection, I mean. I'm not saying it's,

Speaker 2 I'm just saying. Yeah.
What do you think? You think it's the fat? A little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 So it's over. I just don't know.
It's over. I don't know if it's a good idea.
Have you talked to your manager about this?

Speaker 2 No one likes it. Yeah, no one, see? Yeah, no one likes it.

Speaker 2 Okay, so here's the other thing. Uh-oh.
Do the trial, do the six, whatever it is, weeks. Yeah, let's go.
Let's let the audience, they'll see me lose weight. Let's see what the audience says.

Speaker 2 Wow, they're not going to, they're going to support you. They're going to love you no matter what.
No, I don't know. Some of them, they're very vocal.
They're going to turn on you. They're very vocal.

Speaker 2 Because you take Ozempic, they'll turn? Yeah, they might. So let's just see what the audience says.
Okay.

Speaker 2 You know, because I'm going to be on it during Australia. When we're playing down under, you're going to be still taking it.
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
Yeah. So, you know, we'll see.
It's still good, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Get out that night.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I'm excited to see if it helps you,

Speaker 2 but I don't love it. I don't love it either, pal.
Then why are you doing it? I don't know. Yeah, it's because of women.
You know that. That's women.
These women got to your head. No, it's not that.

Speaker 2 You've always been so secure and so self-assured, but now that you're this single, it's this, it's women. Outside voices are doing this to you.
Because what

Speaker 2 I notice now, and this is the truth, is

Speaker 2 you factor in your age. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah. And it affects it.
Affects what? Just dating in general. Apart, you know, it's in their mind.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, so it's like, and then, you know,

Speaker 2 you go to Raya and all the hot 35-year-olds,

Speaker 2 they're in fucking Belize, you know what I mean? On a white sandy beach. No, that's just a vacation photo.

Speaker 2 Do you think they live? They don't live there. They don't live there, buddy.
No, sir. They seem like they live there.
No. They're so relaxed on the beach and stuff.
Right? I love this.

Speaker 2 I think your Raya photos are just every room in your house. Yeah.
None of them are anywhere else. Yeah.
None of mine are. That's where I live.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, I don't know, but maybe you're right.

Speaker 2 I just think if it's going to make you happy, fine. I support it, but I don't think it's going to.
Here's what I, my goal.

Speaker 2 If you want to hear my goal, you want your wiener to look bigger. No.

Speaker 2 What the fuck, dude? And you think skinny.

Speaker 2 That has nothing to do with it. Ask Carlos.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He wants to say skinny because it makes his penis look bigger.

Speaker 2 I know, but you know, I have boyfriend-size. Huh? Somebody said I had a boyfriend-sized penis.
I thought you said boys and I was like, boysen. No, boys and boys and full flavor.

Speaker 2 You're the boys and berry of penises? Yeah, yeah. You have boyfriend cock.
Yeah. Small? No.

Speaker 2 That's what it means. Reliable.
No, it's reliable. It's like perfect.
It's a Honda Civic. Yeah, but also like

Speaker 2 lowered.

Speaker 2 It's very low. It's a rice racket.
low. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I can, here's the thing. I think that once I

Speaker 2 find somebody that I'm in love with, like we saw Nikki the other day, you know, he got, he's got a girl that he likes. You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I just want to meet somebody that I like that, you know, I hang out with all the time, and then maybe I'll, you know.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, that's all.
Now, what about this? What if a girl falls in love with you when you get skinny and then you get fat again? I mean, you get regular again.

Speaker 2 Because what you do is then you put in the hooks.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, you, you know, then they, you know, you

Speaker 2 financial. That's it.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Oh, are you looking for a sugar mom? No, no, no. What I'm saying is, is that Carlos is what I'm saying, right? Just little subtle things like, yeah, you don't need a job.

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't need a job.

Speaker 2 Okay. Right.
They become dependent on you. Right, right.
But then

Speaker 2 two years later, hey, baby,

Speaker 2 you can't leave. What are you going to eat? And survive.
Smart. Yeah, so that's my goal.

Speaker 2 If you can do it with or without it, the guy from the Big Ed guy, he got engaged after, I think, 24 hours. Big Ed? They canceled it after 72 after that.

Speaker 2 That's so cool. He's alone now.
I I love that guy.

Speaker 2 He's the best. Didn't we have him on the

Speaker 2 Tiger Belle? We were trying to get him on here. And he was so

Speaker 2 not engaged. Yeah.
Like,

Speaker 2 he's not engaged anymore. Yeah, but he's also

Speaker 2 a little full of it.

Speaker 2 Right? And in my mind, I'm like.

Speaker 2 Full of what? Just a little bit like I'm a star. Did you make any neck jokes? No.
You didn't do like, I've had it up to here with you.

Speaker 2 No. Look at him.

Speaker 2 Head and shoulders. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Knees and toes. Also, San Diego.
Head and shoulders, knees and toes.

Speaker 2 If he was just a head here and then a set of knees with feet and that face. He's probably super famous in San Diego, too.
That's where he lives. I guess.
Yeah. I mean, what do you get, you guys?

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, I don't know what they throw at him, but I'm sure, yeah, they say hi when they see him.

Speaker 2 No, he's funny, man. I like him a lot, actually.
We wanted him on this. When he dies, God's going to go, we forgot to give you this.

Speaker 2 My neck.

Speaker 2 We're sorry we didn't put this in.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, we were just having a rush day. Yeah, yeah.
I can't believe we put that order out.

Speaker 2 Hey, it's on the ticket. What the fuck? You forgot.
We'll give it to him later. Yeah.
He's

Speaker 2 nice guy. That clip of him and that Filipino chick was the funniest clip on her.
He's like,

Speaker 2 you're my best view. She's like, eh.

Speaker 2 You see that? That's fucking, that is Rudy, Jules. And that, I seriously, every time I watch that show, I was always like, that's Rudy's dating this guy.
That's Rudy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's 100% your face.

Speaker 2 And she's very pretty.

Speaker 2 I like the view. You do? Yes.

Speaker 2 You're my best view. Me.

Speaker 2 That's you, dude. Me.
That's 100% something she would say. If a guy said something corny to her,

Speaker 2 you would say it. You'd go,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 2 Ne,

Speaker 2 that's my new thing. Me.
Yeah, me,

Speaker 2 me, yeah. Hey, did you like my set?

Speaker 2 There was a thing I wanted you to try. I was going to text you this morning.
I was on the couch.

Speaker 2 It's like this universal thing on TikTok where people call their cats and apparently they're like, you know, like if you've never instructed, you need to instruct your dog to sit, stay,

Speaker 2 whatever, lay down. But like, you know, cats are pretty indignant.
They don't want to fucking hear it from you.

Speaker 2 But there was people on the internet have found out that if you make this sound, cats will come to you. If you go like,

Speaker 2 it's like a weird little, I'm not kidding. It's like a noise.
I want to memorize it. Go ahead.
Playing the sound. Yeah, that's the one.
Playing the sound that makes your cat come to you or something.

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 2 Look at this.

Speaker 2 Oh. Dude, you got to play that sound.

Speaker 2 Let's see if I can do it.

Speaker 2 You dude, I want you to.

Speaker 2 Will you test this out at home? Let me say something, okay? Yeah. This is bullshit.
What do you mean? The internet never lies. No.

Speaker 2 Because I went and downloaded the Cat Sounds app,

Speaker 2 and there's millions of them, right? Sure. There's even like cougars.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And they come. Okay.

Speaker 2 Cougars.

Speaker 2 My cats, what's going on?

Speaker 2 Right? It's not just that sound. All right.
I guarantee you. You know what? It's so funny.
I don't have cats. I don't know.
I'm going to download the app again and do it. And I'm going to tape it.

Speaker 2 I'm going to tape it. Because I want to see it.
Yeah, because that's bullshit. Okay, I want to see it.
You know that? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
By the way, did you feed my dog sausages last night? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You did? Yeah. You fucker.
Yeah. The amount of shit.
It was horrible. It was so much shit.
He loves me, that guy.

Speaker 2 It's a girl. Whatever.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 it was runny, but also

Speaker 2 it was runny and solid. I mean, it was everything.
People must have been feeding the dog because so much. Your dog, right, is a little user.

Speaker 2 Every animal, every pet is a user. This dog, he came up to me.
It's a girl.

Speaker 2 She came up to me and went, right?

Speaker 2 And I went, and she just ran away. And she went to the next guy.

Speaker 2 Well, you had nothing for her. Except what I'm saying is that he's fickle.
She's not fickle. What's the word?

Speaker 2 Transactional.

Speaker 2 Transactionary. Transactional.
Yeah. She came up to you and she was like, you're not going to fucking, you're not going to eat me, are you?

Speaker 2 That's not what it was.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he did pick up my dog and get it near the oven and goes. Can we talk about your party? Yeah.
Happy birthday, by the way. Thanks, man.
What a great party.

Speaker 2 And, you know, I'm sitting outside, if I may,

Speaker 2 express myself. Whatever you want.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 First of all, I have to say, and I don't want to start a fight with you, but I'm about to. Sounds like it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're an OCD freakazoid.

Speaker 2 Right? It's just like any crumb. Yeah.
Like I was sitting in his, right?

Speaker 2 Wipe, you know, come on, dude. Use the plate.
Right? Put a Diet Coke on the table. What on a coaster, man? Right? And you were just all around your place doing that.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then you're like, can I smoke in your backyard? No, you smoke out front. You know, that's when I went, nah, I'm smoking in your backyard.
It's a fucking party. And I had everyone smoke back there.

Speaker 2 Do you see that? It was just you and one other guy. No, no, it wasn't.
It was five people smoking back. Well, the other people respectfully smoked away from

Speaker 2 the reason I said don't smoke, I have a validation for all this. The reason I said don't smoke back there, there were a few people had their babies or kids were there.
Oh, well,

Speaker 2 yeah, it's respectful. Also, this.
And then also,

Speaker 2 and also, yeah, put it on a coaster. That's what the coasters are there for.
What happens if it's three years old? What happens if I put it?

Speaker 2 Just because it's a party doesn't put it in the middle of it. What happens not at my house? What happens if I don't put it on the coaster? What happens? What are the consequences? Rings.

Speaker 2 Oh, you get a ring. Yeah, I don't want rings on the table.
Get a new table.

Speaker 2 Rich guy. Rich, spoiled.
Went to your house. Pretty rich guy.
Pretty rich guy, dude. And the only reason that's the best thing is

Speaker 2 that I don't have you over. I'll tell you another thing, pal.
And here, and by the way, crumbs, have you ever seen an adult eat? Who gives a fuck?

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen an adult eat a plate of food and spill half of it on the table? Me?

Speaker 2 You're 53. You think I do it by accident? I have to say, I purposely put it out there.

Speaker 2 I know, I can tell. I wasn't doing that all over the party.
He was just doing that around you. You're just around me.
Thank you so much. You saw.
Here's another thing.

Speaker 2 Didn't spill once any of these guys, by the way. Yeah.
Not once. Also, these guys are the worst of parties.

Speaker 2 Okay, well, they're not going to fight you on that.

Speaker 2 We're going to huddle together in the corner of the house and not talk to anybody. No,

Speaker 2 they really. No, they weren't.
They were like so nervous.

Speaker 2 And then when a celebrity would walk in, and

Speaker 2 I'd see these guys, hey, man, how's it going? And they're like, oh, I'm fine. And just dead.
Stopped. Wow.
Right. And then they would just move on.
Oh, my God. It was sad to watch.

Speaker 2 I was a celebrity there, and you mentioned his famous dad to me, and he heard us from across the party and was exactly. That's the way to do it.
He heard the movie. You mentioned it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's the way to do it. That's the way to do it.
Fucking ding-dong.

Speaker 2 Here's another thing. But I am proud of you, by the way.
No alcohol, no drugs. You're still staying sober.
And I know that's hard. That's why.

Speaker 2 So when you have a party, right?

Speaker 2 You don't form, and everyone knows this, it's in the handbook. You don't form a power circle.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 Do you know what I'm saying when I say that? I think so. Yeah, exactly.
He doesn't know. Yes, he does.

Speaker 2 I'm going to ask him to. I'm going to make him explain it.
Explain me the power circle. The most famous people are all together.
Exactly. Who's that? Oh, so I'm outside.

Speaker 2 I'm basically the host of the fucking party at this point. Right? I'm talking to everyone out there.
For you.

Speaker 2 To you, yes. No, for sure.
For you, yes. I was the life of the party back there.

Speaker 2 I was killing it. Okay.

Speaker 2 Please.

Speaker 2 I looked through the window. He did it too, and we were duo.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to give him the property. I'm going to give the property.
He's much stronger than you at a party. No, because he will.
You're more wacky and he's more funny.

Speaker 2 All right. Well, you know what? You're more unpredictable.

Speaker 2 I'm still not going to stop with this power circle business. Well, here's it.
Here's the deal. So I'm more unpredictable.
Right. All right.
So now I look out inside the house, right?

Speaker 2 And I see three men

Speaker 2 side by side like this in a power circle. There's no room to get, there's no room to get in.
A triangle. A triangle.
Right? Of sadness. A triangle of sadness.
Thank you so much. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's Andrew, right? Charlie Day and Scott Kahn in a fucking triangle of sadness. Sounds like.
And guess, and guess what I did?

Speaker 2 Sounds like the little Zempic boy is a little jealous that he wasn't invited. Oh, no.
What did I do?

Speaker 3 It sounds like little Zempic boy wanted to smoke cigarettes. No one invited me in a triangle.
It could be a square.

Speaker 2 That's what it is, you fucking bitch. Exactly.
All right. Well, just say that's what it is.
Don't concrete triangles. I'm talking to my friends at my house.
Right. I'm talking to my friends.

Speaker 2 Right, but you guys formed one, and then guess what I did? I walked in there. You formed shit.
You naturally stand in a fucking pattern. You stand near people when you talk to them.

Speaker 2 And I talk to everybody. There's no gaps.
Not for you.

Speaker 2 Not for you. So guess what I did? Mine.
I broke it up. You did.
You came by.

Speaker 2 I came by, and I go, enough of this triangle bullshit yeah and what happened they all laughed yeah they laughed they loved it yeah and then you were included that's all you have to do is just stick your head in there bud yeah but you know i mean these fuckers can't interrupt a power circle well no they don't belong they know that what are you guys doing there uh laughing at your jokes

Speaker 2 someone's got it here's the last thing i want to say yeah it was the saddest thing i saw all night okay at your party number one as parties go it wasn't a party it was a get-together i loved it it was a get-together never been invited to a get-together like that in the world.

Speaker 2 A get-together, right? That's not a party. Parties like crazy.
It's a get-together. McCone went to a party later that night.
Right.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 how many dogs do you have?

Speaker 2 I don't know. How many dogs do you have?

Speaker 2 Being real. No, no, no.
You have one, right? Yeah. Yeah.
You have two. McCone.

Speaker 2 Because what I saw through the window is everywhere you were, he's right behind you. He does follow.
Yeah, yeah. And he does whack.
He's my shadow. He does whack.
Yeah. He's my little shadow.

Speaker 2 You would, honestly, dude. Have you sucked his penis?

Speaker 2 Yet.

Speaker 2 It's so sad to watch. Tell him.

Speaker 2 It's so sad to watch. He's just at your beck and call.
All right. Yeah.
You want, you, you want, you, you want, let's get there. You want to get there? I want to be there.
Okay, here we go. You ready?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Here it is.

Speaker 2 I don't have any children. I probably never have children.
Oh, here we go with this sad story. I probably will never have children.
Oh, and guess what?

Speaker 2 I get to feel like a brother and a father to McConnell.

Speaker 2 Sit with that. That hurts.
Who? Who does that hurt? You.

Speaker 2 How does that hurt me? It's sad. It's beautiful.
I mean, it's a beautiful thing.

Speaker 2 The way that this is your daughter, sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That little fuckbag is my son-brother. She doesn't give a shit about me, this one.
The fuck, she loves you. I do.
She loves you to death.

Speaker 2 All right, you're right. Tell him.
You're right. You're right.
You're right. right, you're right.

Speaker 2 But isn't he like a dad-brother to you? Yeah. That's my son-brother.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It's the same thing. Yeah.
Now, do you get it? I do get it. And you give her the world.

Speaker 2 You gave her your fucking car, money, place to live, job,

Speaker 2 everything she would ask for,

Speaker 2 you would give it to her. Wouldn't you? Yeah.
You wouldn't even think twice. Yeah.
My son. Okay.
Enough said. Thank you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Andrew, are you the cool guy?

Speaker 2 No. Yeah, yeah.
Dude, thank you.

Speaker 2 Let me say something. I know you're my daughter.
You know what? Because I was thinking the same thing. And I was too afraid to say it.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 let me answer that question on his behalf, okay?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Bobby shows up late. Jules.
And

Speaker 2 everyone claps him in like it's a sitcom. Bobby is the guy.
I am the.

Speaker 2 You know what I am? A sitcom. What were you wearing?

Speaker 2 What were you wearing for your birthday party? It wasn't a birthday party. Gathering.

Speaker 2 I was wearing a traditional German outfit.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So who's the sitcom?

Speaker 2 You. You, dude.
Somehow, even me in costume isn't as big as you walk in my house. No, here's another thing.
That's the funniest part.

Speaker 2 Me in costume isn't as wackadoo as you walking in, half jacket off. Hey, what's going on?

Speaker 2 You drape your legs over the chair like

Speaker 2 you're in a fucking movie set. You're so fucking funny.
You live in space.

Speaker 2 You don't know it. We love it, but you live in space.
You don't exist. You float.
You float.

Speaker 2 You are the cool guy. Okay.
I'm, you know what? I'm Phil Jackson.

Speaker 2 From the Lakers?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm the coach. Okay.
The coach, I organize. I get great talent.
I organize. I like to, I'm particular.
Yeah. And you're Dennis Roddy.
You missed a joke there. What?

Speaker 2 I said, from the Lakers, and you said, no, the Orthodontus or something. Oh, sorry.
Do it again.

Speaker 2 Do it again. Try it again.
I was like, give me a question. I'm Phil Jackson.
You mean the Lakers coach? Yes.

Speaker 2 That's funnier that way. Yeah, it's funnier that way.
I'm Phil Jackson. You're Dennis Rodman.

Speaker 2 Okay. Unpredictable, phenomenally talented.
Okay. Fun, whack,

Speaker 2 bring up Dennis Rodman. I know who he is.
But I mean, for the viewers, he doesn't know who the fuck that is. Do you know who Dennis Rodman is? No.
Look at him. They used to call him the worm.

Speaker 2 That's Bobby. Is that Bobby? If Bobby was a basketball player, would this be him?

Speaker 1 He looks cool.

Speaker 2 He does. He is cool, dude.
My point. You're making my point.
He paints his nails before anybody else did it. He got tattoos.
He wore dresses to press conferences.

Speaker 2 He went to North Korea to hang out with Kim Jong-un. With Bobby Lee.
He hung out with Bobby Lee up there, according to Haktua. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did y'all see that video of Dennis Rodman hanging with Bobby Lee in North Korea? Okay, you know what my favorite meme of this was? What?

Speaker 2 Because Dennis Rodman really went to North Korea, right? So there's a meme where a general is is talking to kim jung-un and kim jung-un is going what do you mean that's not barack obama

Speaker 2 that's so funny it's a funny meme the fact that they kicked it is wild yeah yeah that's great that is really funny internet is undefeated the undefeated yeah what's been going on in your little life i want to know you got some news to tell us um i've just had my first ever hot sub in a class Oh, a hot remember the hot sub?

Speaker 2 No. When a substitute teacher kicked.
Oh, I thought you meant a sandwich. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey. Like a spicy sandwich.
I know you remember those. I do.
I love hot subs. But I've seen every time we pass a Jimmy Johns this guy.
Yeah, yeah. So a hot substitute teacher.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but he's white and old.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. He was so hot.
He was buff, smart. He's a chemistry professor.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 And then if you, you know, would you... Yeah.
Did the other? No, no. Did the other...
You didn't even finish. I think she got it.
Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do the other girls did you talk to about him?

Speaker 1 No, they don't. they don't like older guys.

Speaker 2 Right. And you like old guys.

Speaker 1 I like, well, him, because he was so smart. And then he was just wearing like a normal shirt, but his arms were like buff, buff.

Speaker 2 How old do you think is old? How old do you think he was?

Speaker 1 40 plus.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
That's us. I know.
We're old chemistry teachers. So, but this guy was a hot guy.
Yeah. Did you would you ever flirt with him?

Speaker 1 No, but I never talked to anyone in school, but I made an attempt to like say, bye, Professor.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 What's his last name? We'll blank it out. Just Professor what? I forgot.
I just. Well, he's a substitute.

Speaker 1 I just remember Dr. Ruiz.

Speaker 2 Dr. Ruiz? Ruiz.
Oh, how about this? This is a great idea for a movie. What?

Speaker 2 A college co-ed falls in love with her professor, right? Yeah. But it's a sub.
Yeah. She realizes...
What if she never gets to see him again? So she kills her main teacher.

Speaker 2 So the sub becomes permanent. Wow.
That's a fucking great idea. But does that.
I didn't know that once the teacher's dead, they just, the first sub. I mean, isn't there like.

Speaker 2 We're going to fucking. Well, since the last guy was just here, I'll just hire him.
Well, that works. It sounds like a 90s comedy.
That is what would happen. In a 90s comedy, they'd be like, well, Mr.

Speaker 2 Ruiz, I mean, you are here, and we don't know where she's gone missing. Oh, I see.
And you keep teaching for the week. Right.
And he becomes permanent. Right.
But then they fall in love, right?

Speaker 2 One night, they get together. They go out to dinner.
You know, I shouldn't do this because you're my student. Yeah.
And although you're an adult. No, I got a better idea.
Hold on. Okay.

Speaker 2 Although you're an adult. Can I get in the writer's room here? Yes.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm too old for you. We shouldn't do this because you're my student and I'm the teacher.
Yeah. And she admits over a glass of wine.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I killed Mrs. What was the first one? What's the original one? Pickleson? What was her name?

Speaker 2 Barbara Pickleson. I killed her.

Speaker 1 Barbara Arcelon.

Speaker 2 Arcelon. Would still Barbara Pickleon.
Pickleson's so much better. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Stop fucking up the writer. Stop fucking it up.

Speaker 2 And then he goes, so now he's indicted. He knows that she killed Barbara Pickleson.
Right. And they need to dispose of the body together.
That's the adventure movie.

Speaker 2 I'm going to throw in another layer.

Speaker 2 Please.

Speaker 2 He finds out about Barbara Nick Pickleson. Right.
Right. Right.

Speaker 2 And he's okay with it. He loves it.
Right. But then she's still in school, right? He no longer works there, right? Wait, she didn't get the job.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 You're new, the guy, right? He's sick. So they have a new sub.
A new sub? He's hotter. Oh, no.
Yeah, he's even hotter than who the one right we're talking about like you know um

Speaker 2 um this is like brad pitt no the fucking elvis what's his name uh butler butler austin austin butler dude i like jacob belordi okay

Speaker 2 we'll cast we'll cast it jacob belordi yeah yeah jacob ligoria jacob laguardia yeah

Speaker 2 and that's that's a new jacob lagui

Speaker 2 and that's a new sub to do yeah

Speaker 2 now right wow she doesn't know what to do what do you do yeah who do you got to kill

Speaker 2 ruiz yeah you kill ruiz has got to go because you want la guardia but la guardia's not in it's the hook at the end oh no yeah here's the hook at the end i know what it is what is it barbara pickleson's not dead

Speaker 2 she's not dead

Speaker 2 she's not dead she's not dead you thought you fucking killed her yeah you left her for dead but she was buried she was she dug herself out she does no she does a kill bill thing yes yes right

Speaker 2 like wait right She

Speaker 2 like a zombie gets out of there, right? Picklson comes back. Right.
She's like going to a diner. The return of Miss Pickles.
Nicolson. Dude, that's part two.
That's so good. Right.

Speaker 2 We had to make this a two-parter. Write this.
Right, right. Write this fucking movie.
But all right, so Ruiz, right? Yeah. She kills Ruiz.
She hits on the other side. La Guardia.
Gay. He's gay.

Speaker 2 He's full-blown gay. Of course he's gay.
Right. So now what do you do? You try to flip him, don't you? You flip him, dude.

Speaker 2 You can be a beard.

Speaker 2 But did the beard ever get laid? The beard never gets laid.

Speaker 1 Not even like

Speaker 1 sucking his dick.

Speaker 2 No, you can't suck his dick. No, because he doesn't like that.
Yeah, he doesn't like it. He might let you watch Carlos suck his dick.
But because you're the beard, it has no physical attraction.

Speaker 2 You're just for public show. Maybe he's not gay.
What if I put it?

Speaker 2 That's a harder thing to get around. I like the gay thing.
I know. LaGuardia is gay.
And get this. What? She tries to flip him.
Yeah. So then,

Speaker 2 trans.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. She becomes a trans man for LaGuardia.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm a guy now. Flip-flop.
Flip-flop. We can name it.
Flip-flop Terminal 2. What?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, that's a pretty good premise. There's something about it.
There's something about it.

Speaker 2 So the sub comes in. Yeah.
What if you never get it? But you don't know if he'll ever be back. You might never see him.
Can the next sub be a sandwich?

Speaker 2 That's the third installment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's like Godfather's.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like a meatball. Okay, Claire.
Hey, how are you doing? You know what I mean? Maybe he's Italian. How are you doing? I'm a fucking meatball sandwich.

Speaker 2 That's your cameo in the movie. I mean it.

Speaker 2 I have to be in it. That's your cameo.
How are you doing? Yeah, okay, good. That's great.
So how did I become a walking meatball sandwich? We got to explain that.

Speaker 2 That's a question our fans have been asking about you for a long time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but in the movie, how do we explain it? Okay, okay. We have to explain it.
I don't know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How did he become a walking meatball sandwich?

Speaker 1 Well, he can be trans meatball.

Speaker 2 Trans meatball.

Speaker 2 Oh, I see. I see.

Speaker 2 Okay, so what you're saying to me is this, right?

Speaker 2 I'm a human, right? You're always a human.

Speaker 2 I'm always a human right but i identify as meatball sandwich yes my pronouns are meat right and ball i go to korea because they have good they're good at surgery right right

Speaker 2 and i make my my balls much bigger yes like meatball sandwich huge meatball right and they always have marinara on them all the time right right and i come up with i don't think the skin should be the breading well you're you should have a jacket you're a big piece i think i have a jacket you're a big piece that's little cheese bread you're a big piece like a big cheese like a bag you're a big piece of cheese no the inner clothing is the cheese oh Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 For wardrobe and stuff. I don't want to get into CG.
I get it. Right, right.

Speaker 2 We have to save some money. Right, so the jacket is like a baguette.

Speaker 2 Right? And then I have inner clothes that look like cheese, but I pull up my

Speaker 2 balls.

Speaker 2 Your meatballs.

Speaker 2 Meatballs.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And I put fucking like red sauce on it. And you identify as a meatball.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm your new sub. You don't think we can make this movie?

Speaker 2 He's your brand new sub.

Speaker 2 Sandwich, that is.

Speaker 2 Wow. And

Speaker 2 his balls are in his hand. He's like, remember, test tomorrow.

Speaker 2 Well, I hope this guy. Yeah, I hope this guy comes back.
I hope he comes.

Speaker 1 But the main professor, he's also really hot. He's brown, and his name is Professor.

Speaker 2 When you say brown, how brown? Like brown, brown. Okay.

Speaker 2 Like Pooh?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Close to me. Okay.

Speaker 2 He has like a long beard. Oh, you know what that means? What? He's a long face.
I think you're in love with just all your professors. I like older.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is a youth. This is just because you like, it doesn't even matter who they are.
You just like the idea that someone who's knowledgeable and like really smart. Really smart.

Speaker 2 Oh, you like bright guys? Bright guys. Yeah.
Interesting. But aren't you still? Are you still dating that guy? Yeah.
And he's really smart. He is smart.
He's a sweetheart.

Speaker 2 Did you do you tell him about the crush on the professor?

Speaker 1 And he's like, go talk to them.

Speaker 2 He encourages me. So he's cucking.

Speaker 2 Would he cuck?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but he says, like, go talk to them.

Speaker 2 He's a real sweetheart, that guy.

Speaker 2 I really like him. Promotional of her getting with a new guy, it sounds like.
Yeah. I mean, one time he just waited out here for hours to pick you up.
Yeah. He did.

Speaker 2 I've seen him wait for six hours for you.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Yeah.
What a guy. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. One time I was hanging out with my friends and he picked me up and then dropped me off with my friends and he just waited for me to be done.

Speaker 2 How long? Wow. Like four hours? He just waited in the car? Yeah.
He's a serial killer.

Speaker 2 I know, dude, no.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to defend him. I'm teasing.
I know, but that's what's lost with us new men.

Speaker 2 Is what? Everyone in this room is that kind of chivalry. My father would have never waited in a car for four hours for my mom.
What are you talking about? Well, that's she. He lost it too then.

Speaker 2 No, it didn't exist.

Speaker 2 This is unusual. Nobody waits in a car for four hours while they're hanging out.
In the 1700s, no guy wasn't a horse. No,

Speaker 2 he took a walk. I took a walk.
But he still went around the neighborhood. I'll be back to get you later.
Just go.

Speaker 2 He'd go fuck off to the bar and then he'd come back. Oh, I see.
That's what you would do. He would go to a bar, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he went to like eat.

Speaker 2 I bet you I know where he went. I bet he did.
To a boba place. No.
He loves that shit.

Speaker 2 He loves that shit. But I'll tease it.
I bet you he went and got the food, but came back just in case you wanted to leave early. He ate it in his car.
I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he doesn't even eat in the restaurant. Yeah, but

Speaker 2 he loves. All this is he loves you.

Speaker 2 I'm teasing because I'm sure he's sweet, but he loves you. That's all.
Can I ask a real question? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think that's what.

Speaker 2 Would I ever be able to meet a woman where I'm willing to do that? No.

Speaker 2 I think there is somebody out there that I'm willing to do that. Bobby.
Yeah. You're late to this show.

Speaker 2 You think you're going to wait for a girl for five hours? Time for you is not that thing.

Speaker 1 You did that with Atikalai. You drove to Long Beach.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. And not only that, one time I drove all the way.
Here's the worst I did for her. Best you did.
The best I mean. Yeah.
It It was the worst. Okay.

Speaker 2 And you're not going to believe this.

Speaker 2 And this is truth. Yeah, what is it? Okay.

Speaker 2 They call me and they go, can you get us Coachella tickets?

Speaker 2 Right. Remember that? Yeah.
So then I had to, and I go, I'm not going. So I

Speaker 2 had to pay so much money. Yeah, they're expensive as shit.
No, but through CAA. Oh, you got them from the agent.
So I got backstage. I got

Speaker 2 VIP. I got the whole fucking thing.
BIP. Right?

Speaker 2 And I spent thousands of dollars. Oh, my God.
I know. I know.
Exactly. Right.
And you didn't even know. So the day of Coachella, I get woken up.
I thought they were leaving.

Speaker 2 And Khalil goes, there's a problem. I go, what?

Speaker 2 You have to be there to pick up the tickets at Will Call.

Speaker 2 Stop because I'm going to get pissed off. You drove to Coachella and then drove back.
12

Speaker 2 hours in the desert. And drove back.
And also, it's Coachella, so there's traffic. The whole way.
The whole way, right? Both ways. I had to get out of the fucking car, wait in line.
Nope.

Speaker 2 Get Get their tickets, and I go, have fun, ladies. You drove 144 miles just to get them a ticket to come right back.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 How long is that? 100?

Speaker 2 Two and a half hours. Exactly.
They're about five hours drive.

Speaker 2 And ladies, if you're listening to me right now, that's what I'm willing to do.

Speaker 2 Used to, used to. No, I would do it now.
You'll do that now. Yeah.
I would never in a million years. You would, I think.

Speaker 2 If my wife was like, hey, you need to be there for the tickets, I'll go, don't, I, no. You would do it.
No, you guys.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 I'd say, you know what? I'll drive you to Hollywood Park. You can go watch the horses race.

Speaker 2 No, the alternative. If you went out of your way, you spent all this money.
It's also Beyonce was playing? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? You would do it. No.

Speaker 2 You went, right? Who went? Who went?

Speaker 2 Yeah, right. And you all had a good time, huh? Yeah, yeah.
Did you spend a dime?

Speaker 2 Did you spend a dime, did you? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Me here. I would have.
Right. I would have.
And that's the kind of shit you should remember. That's right.

Speaker 2 Anyway, log it in. So what I'm saying is that I'm willing to do it to go that extra yard.
I would do that. I think you would do it too.
I would do it, but I would make, here, here's the thing.

Speaker 2 I made a stink. Trust me.
I complained the whole time. Big stink.

Speaker 2 I'm stinking. The windows have to be down.
I'm stinking.

Speaker 2 I'm stinking the whole ride.

Speaker 2 And I do this thing. I do this thing where I'll get real quiet, you know, and then we pull into a gas station.
And then you ask me, you know,

Speaker 2 you're my wife or whatever. And you ask me, what am I getting inside? Oh, yeah.
Guess it right here.

Speaker 2 Why are you stopping? What are you going to get inside?

Speaker 2 Then walk inside.

Speaker 2 Just the

Speaker 2 little nasal breath.

Speaker 2 Walk inside. Hold on.
You got to do it again.

Speaker 2 That was a good action. Holy shit.
That was such a good acting. But that's the stink I pull.
If I'm driving you fucking. I would do a inner sigh,

Speaker 2 right? And not even at that. Don't even eat it.

Speaker 2 That's it. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
But see, I would have gone to a casino out there. You know, I like to play little cards.
I would have stopped by a casino. Yeah.
I would have stopped by a casino.

Speaker 2 Or you would have done one of your moves. Golf? No.
Like you did on the tour when you got all mad. Yeah.
And you went, I'm going to go to a bar during the day and drink myself to death.

Speaker 2 Well, I didn't die. I know, but you did that.
Remember when you were mad?

Speaker 2 It was Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville.

Speaker 2 I love that place. By the way, I bought half of the bar of their dinners.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is everyone was so fucking happy when I got there and away from you guys that literally every young couple at the bar, I was like, what did I have? Buy their whole thing.

Speaker 2 I bought everyone to watch. Was that a long time ago? No, it seems like a long time ago.
I think it was.

Speaker 2 Almost a year. Wow.
No. A year.
It was over. Over a year.
What the fuck am I saying? Wow, wow, wow. God, it doesn't feel like that, does it? No.
I mean, what I'm saying is I'm willing to.

Speaker 2 I want to meet somebody that I'm at least willing to do that for.

Speaker 2 I think you will. But I do think the problem is

Speaker 2 you're quite known.

Speaker 2 What does that mean?

Speaker 2 Well, then

Speaker 2 I would imagine it's hard being as famous as you are meeting a girl who

Speaker 2 doesn't expect stuff from you.

Speaker 2 All right, I love that one.

Speaker 2 We have the merch competition from the fans. We got a bunch of million submissions.
Yeah, we have 15 here. 15 of the top ones you've guys picked.
Exactly. All right, let's see.

Speaker 2 Okay, let's go to the first one. Satchel Freiberger.
I love that one. So, Hitler loved him too.
This is

Speaker 2 come here, Freiberger. What do you think of that one? This is cool.
Yeah, because she's in the middle. No.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No. I like that.
Pretty creepy. I like that it looks like it it was done on school paper.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's pretty cool looking. What's the name of that stuff? Why can't I say this? I got a notebook.
Yeah, but what is it called? The paper. Notebook.
Let's move on. Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 But you know what I'm talking about?

Speaker 2 No, we don't. Let's move on.
The boys nodded. I do like that one.
This one I like too. That's cool.
That's Gavin Reyes.

Speaker 2 Shout out to him.

Speaker 2 Is that imitating?

Speaker 2 Is this a

Speaker 2 Halloween-themed? No. No.
Oh, okay. No, what? Some of them kind of ended up being Halloween-themed.
Because of the time of the year. Because of the timing.
Okay, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But is that imitating a certain kind of art?

Speaker 2 Is that the, we're on the bottoms of Turtle Island, I imagine? Yes, not. I love.
Wait, wait, zoom in on my arm there. You got a mad TV? He's got your tattoo? Dude, he put the Mad TV tattoo on there.

Speaker 2 And the comedy's

Speaker 2 insane. And Steve.
And Steve, that's incredible. And he has the one in your right arm, and you can barely see it.
Yeah, that's incredible detail.

Speaker 2 I really like that a lot. Okay, let's go.
Let's go to the next one.

Speaker 2 Stephen Lee McLaughlin. Okay, zoom in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you look like George W. Bush there.

Speaker 2 Come on over here, Bobby. Yeah, yeah.
Zoom in, please. So, what's that on his other arm? Oops.
Yeah, do I have to do that? A tumor? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Oh, I know what it is. I'm your underdeveloped Simeus twin.
Oh, my God. That's great.
Yeah, yeah, that's what it is. I do like my teeth.
Those are pretty accurate. Yeah.
I like that a lot.

Speaker 2 That's fucking good. I really like that.
That is really kind of good. That's what my teeth look like.
Really good. All jagged.

Speaker 2 Pablo Serrano.

Speaker 2 So that was. Oh, wow.
Wow, I like that one.

Speaker 2 That's cute. That is so cute.
That one on the top right is really good. I think that right now is.

Speaker 2 That's a top runner. Top runner.
Let's see the next shirt. So he just put these on shirts.
Oh, that's cool. They're like a wrap shirts, like street wrap shirts.
Yeah. That's cool.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Pablo Serrano. Pretty cool.
And this is

Speaker 2 a whole presentation here. Joe Mar Cabala.
Oh, he has a good old. Oh, that's got like a

Speaker 2 Taco Cabana kind of vibe. Taco Cabana? The restaurant?

Speaker 2 Is that what you're talking about? Yeah. Do the right thing almost.
He's talking about, yeah, he's talking about

Speaker 2 spike leave. Yeah, do the right thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's great. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Jomar. That's cool.
Go to the right.

Speaker 2 This is Noelle Hoffman. Whoa, this is weird.
Oh, I think you showed one of you guys sent one. Zoom it in.
Zoom it in. Yeah, I like that one.
Yeah, yeah. That's cute.
That's pretty cute there.

Speaker 2 By the way, it does look like a gay couple. Yeah, it does.

Speaker 2 But it's so cute. He just looks like a big bear in his little twinkle.
It's so cute.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Marlos Amigos, Tito Babby, Tito Randrew, Andres. This is Ana Pimantel.
Pimantel. Oh, so one of them is Dumb and Dumber.

Speaker 2 I know the other one is. And the other one is

Speaker 2 Coco from Cuzco. Coco.
That's pretty cool. By the way, I cried so fucking

Speaker 2 movie.

Speaker 2 Oh, before we go on. Side note.
Oh, maybe we did talk about that. What? Penguin is riveting.
You saw the fourth one? I'm not there yet. I'm on the third.
The fourth one is going to make you.

Speaker 2 I'm going to watch it when I get home tonight. Amazing.

Speaker 2 I'm done with three. Four is going to blow your mind.
The whole thing is fucking fantastic. It's so fantastic.
But can I say something? Okay, go, tell me. This is going to annoy you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Four hours of makeup every day. I know.
You couldn't just get a fat guy. I know.

Speaker 2 Just get. Do you know how long? Just get a fat, ugly guy.
There's so many fat, ugly guys. Have you ever been to Van Nyman? When I played John McCain,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 It's funny that he was in the. I played John McCain.
He was in the military. He tried to kill you people.
I know, I know.

Speaker 2 I'm doing this with my hands, and my people fucked up his hand.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 It was like, oh, yeah,

Speaker 2 2 a.m. call time.
Yeah, six hours of makeup. And we don't shoot till 10.

Speaker 2 Imagine what he has to go through. Colin Farrell, they showed the process on YouTube.
It's in the watch. Anyway, let's go to the next one.
Shout out to him. Whoa.
Joe Kay. That's

Speaker 2 cool. Yeah, very cool.
Pretty cool, dude.

Speaker 2 Oh, I like this kind of stuff. All right, let me tell you this.
Yeah. Ian Shaik.
Shake. Yeah.
I love this. I know.
Zoom in what the dialogue is.

Speaker 2 It says, I'm Bobby Mom. Can you say something? Can I say something? I'm Bobby Mom.
Yeah. Honestly, I think this art is so fucking rad.
I look on the shirt.

Speaker 2 If you go over to the shirt, the thing I thought would be cool is if it was actually threaded, if these were like threaded, you know what I mean? Oh my god, that'd be cool. Right?

Speaker 2 Doesn't that look like that a lot? That is a

Speaker 2 lot. Ayan Ayan

Speaker 2 Shake.

Speaker 2 Shake, come on, get a shake.

Speaker 2 Get us a way to say your name. Just put in phonetics next to it.
I don't know how to say that. I'm sorry, but.
That's a cool one. Love you, Ayan.
Ayan.

Speaker 2 And this is Alex Villalobos.

Speaker 2 Los Malos Amigos.

Speaker 2 Okay. I don't know what you're doing, but.
Oh, I love that. Yeah, that's pretty cool.
You're ripping a heater on a horde. Look at the horses look tired.
They look tired. We've been riding all day.

Speaker 2 That's so good. That is.
Such a fucking art. I would buy that right now.
Yeah, me too. I got a bag of golf clubs.
You got a heater.

Speaker 2 Okay, next one. By the way, I do want just a little note for Alex Villalobos.
Make his horse a little smaller. Yeah.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Lindsay Wolt. Oh, I love those ice cream bars.
Those are pretty cool, dude. That's fucking red.
It's so creative. That is man.
I like that a lot. Dude, the fans are fucking.

Speaker 2 They're unbelievable. So, like, talent.
Lindsay Wolt. Wow.
Shout out to her. And this is.
Oh, this is so cool, dude.

Speaker 2 Dumb and dumber. Asha Keister.
Yeah, but Zoom in. Zoom in.
So good. And

Speaker 2 the shirt goes back in the back of the shirt, the hat. That's rad.
It's so rad, dude. That is so radical.
It's so rad.

Speaker 2 I like it so much. Damn, dude, there's so much good stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Octavio Garcia, Bobby Mom's Left King. I love the Rock'em Sock and Robots.
That's so

Speaker 2 dope. Got it.
Next one.

Speaker 2 Creon.

Speaker 2 Creon Chickenhead. Dude.
Bobby the Loom.

Speaker 2 You know what this is? Dude, this is great. Dude, this is what

Speaker 2 I want my life to be.

Speaker 2 That's what I want my life to be with you. And you're wearing your beautiful birthday chain.

Speaker 2 Dude, what are you wearing? What you dressed me up this morning. Oh, yeah.
Dude, that is so cool. Can I tell you something? I would love to get a bad friend's choker.
That is such a funny piece of

Speaker 2 dude. That's rad.
Giovanni Zanette. Oh, and this is a merging of us.
It's art. Wow, that's fucking wild.
It's art. That is pure art.
Like Andy Warhol.

Speaker 2 I think that's so sick. I'd love to frame that on the right.
Yeah. You're going to have to send us those five.
Send us the pictures to our phone. Those are so good.
You have to look at them again.

Speaker 2 Rudy, you have to vote for us, too. What is that? It's Dragon Ball Z.
Just one more.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like that one a lot, too. That's cool.

Speaker 2 Although,

Speaker 2 they made you a little too big. Yeah, maybe.

Speaker 2 You should be a little small. Yeah, maybe.
Well, you're more fragile. You're more tiny.