Ozempic Pukes & Santino's Spooky Birthday

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. These two idiots.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusted.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Peeb, pee, bee, pee, bee, pee be, pee be, pee be, pee bee, pe, pipe, pee, pee bee, pee bee, pee bee pee bee pee bee pee bee pee bee pee bee pee bee pee bbi.

Speaker 2 What are you supposed to be, grilled cheese? That's what I said.

Speaker 2 You said cheeseburger. No.
Yes, you did, guys. She said it.
You're grilled cheese.

Speaker 2 You know what I am.

Speaker 2 I'm beans on toast. Yeah.
I'm beans on toast. You know what I am? Benz on toast.

Speaker 2 You know who I am?

Speaker 2 Spring roll, man. Spring roll.
Spring roll, right here. That's my friend over there, Spring Row.
And what guy wears, Samara? I'm beans on toast. That's my friend.
Samara. Yeah.
God damn, you're scary.

Speaker 2 Samara. Well, cover your face up more.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Now that looks good. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Nice. Ooh.
Or are you Steve Ayoki? I can't tell.

Speaker 2 What are you doing? Tomorrow. Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 That looks rad.

Speaker 2 Are you going to trick-or-treat? You still trick-or-treat, don't you?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's always fun.

Speaker 2 Do you trick-or-treat? What? Do you trick-or-treat? Dude, I haven't trick-or-treated. I don't really remember the last time.
We should go.

Speaker 2 Is it legal? Yeah. For us to trick or treat? I've never seen adults do it.
Let me tell you something. We can only treat.
No tricking out of you, bud. Oh, I love tricks.

Speaker 2 You can't be tricking in them streets.

Speaker 2 Only treats, Mike. Back in the day.
Only treats.

Speaker 2 Ding dong, beans on toast. Ding dong, beans on toast.
Here we go with beans on toast.

Speaker 2 Honestly, when you do this, I do it.

Speaker 2 You know who we're fans of? Arsenal Football Club.

Speaker 2 We're the ghoulers. Yeah.
Ding dong, beans on toast. Oh my god, you're on fire today.
Love it. I love it.
Honestly, best costume I've ever had.

Speaker 2 This rivals when I was a kid, I was

Speaker 2 what is it? Little orphan. Wait, no, no, no.
Andy,

Speaker 2 no, Andy. Andy and Raggedy Ann and Andy.
Look up that. My mom made me wear this one time.

Speaker 2 You didn't choose that?

Speaker 2 Your parents did. My mother put me as Raggedy

Speaker 2 Andy from Raggedy Ann and Andy.

Speaker 2 She didn't need to do much.

Speaker 2 What did you just say? Yeah, what'd you say, man?

Speaker 2 You think I got a triangle nose? Is that what you're trying to say, dude? I got a big red triangle nose. You know who these two guys are.
You know who they are? I know what it is. Let me guess.

Speaker 2 Wait, let her guess. I get a guess, too.
Yeah, who do you think Fancy and Carlos are?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Can I have h clues? Yeah, they're wearing the costume.

Speaker 2 That's the clue.

Speaker 2 I think Andres is a city porg.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, a porg got off that planet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then got a job in the city.

Speaker 2 Do you not know? Do you not know who they are? Dude, this is a great opportunity. I know what it is.
What are they? Burton Ernie. That's right.

Speaker 2 Because they're gay. Whoa, that laugh, dude.
Pretty close. No, dude, they're the Menendez brothers.
Oh, they are? Oh, yeah. Oh, wow.
They're good. Is it Lyle and Eric?

Speaker 2 Which one's which? Eric's the handsome one. Eric is the handsome one, so neither of you.
So you're both Lyle.

Speaker 2 Just two Lyles.

Speaker 2 And then McCone is Hannibal Lecter? I don't know. What are you doing? I just wanted to muffle her.

Speaker 2 Well, what do do you want to do? All these years, you still can't get a joke out.

Speaker 2 I want to marshal him.

Speaker 2 Get it out, idiot. What is it? Muffle him.
Muffle him. I wanted to muffle him.

Speaker 2 He's Hannibal Lecter. That looks actually red.
Stand up on the box real fast so we can see the.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
Yeah, that looks Hannibal. Very cool.
Yeah. Don't wink.

Speaker 2 Dude, that is such a creepy costume. I like that a lot.
That's pretty good. Where'd you get the mask at? Amazon.
Okay. Well, you bought it for him? Yeah.
He asked to. No.

Speaker 2 Where did you get the mask from? Easy opportunity for a joke. He goes right to Amazon.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Don't do it so literal. Where'd you get the mask from? Let's do it again.
Yeah. Let's try to get another joke out, right? Yeah.
Where'd you get the mask from?

Speaker 2 Your mom's house.

Speaker 2 The podcast network? Yeah. The guru had it? No, at your mom's house in Phoenix.
Oh, that's an interesting approach. Yeah.
I don't know if that's going to work for you, bud.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's not going to work. No.
That made me mad. I'm into her house.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Where'd you get the mask at?

Speaker 2 Try it again. Oh, down in Essex, where you live.
Mr. Beanzon Toast.

Speaker 2 I see why these guys aren't comedy writers.

Speaker 2 That's really good. Jesus Christ.
Holy shit.

Speaker 2 He's Spring Roll, Jelly Roll's second cousin. Yeah.
Spring Roll. Spring Roll.
What's his famous song? What's the one he sings?

Speaker 2 Jelly Roll. Why can't I?

Speaker 2 I did do a show with him. I mean,

Speaker 2 I mean, I was on a show that he was on.

Speaker 2 And what a nice guy.

Speaker 2 Jelly Roll. What's the name of the song? Can we hear it?

Speaker 2 Save me. That's the one.

Speaker 2 Save me is really famous, right?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I want to hear it.
Yeah. You want to hear it? Just for a second.
I know what you're going to do.

Speaker 2 Can I take your instincts? No.

Speaker 2 Let me guess your comedy instincts right now. Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No.
I know. Okay, go do it.
Play it. Let's see.
Play it. Someone who

Speaker 2 save me.

Speaker 2 Damn it. Save me from myself.

Speaker 2 Oh, damn it. I knew you were.
You beat me.

Speaker 2 You beat me to me. I was waiting to catch you off guard.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's really good.
That worked. Yeah, that was really good.
Save me.

Speaker 2 Dude, you beat me to the... Come on, Spring Roll.
Let me hear you. Save me.
I don't even know what the song is.

Speaker 2 Have someone save me, save me from myself. have someone save me

Speaker 2 save me from myself

Speaker 2 okay very good really good yeah or can i just tell you what ladies and gentlemen spring roll save me from myself i gotta tell you what's going on with me okay

Speaker 2 what what what what's wrong happy birthday by the way i love you thank you so much what are you gonna tell me i'm gonna just what's going on what's why am i why am i i want to hear it but can i also clear the air with something else okay to the boys what's and you What?

Speaker 2 Bobby sent me the nicest text I've ever gotten on my birthday. Wow.
The nicest text I've ever gotten on my birthday. The nicest.
Read it. You want me to read it to everybody? Yeah, I want to.

Speaker 2 I'm going to read it. All right.

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell you why I sent it. Okay.
After you read it. Okay, here we go.

Speaker 2 By the way.

Speaker 2 People still think I gave you a quarter million dollar check. I know.

Speaker 2 Are people the dumbest people on earth? Are you guys all dumb? They're great. No, I love our fans, bro.

Speaker 2 What are we talking about? Do you guys really think I gave them a fucking?

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Oh, don't do that. Don't do that.
All right, I'm sorry. Don't do that.
All right, I apologize. Happy birthday, Andrew.
I just want to say you're one of my favorite people I've ever met.

Speaker 2 You're not only a friend, but family to me. You've been by my side during my toughest moments, and I'll never forget it.

Speaker 2 That being said, no object can hold more value than my heartfelt words, and therefore I've gone with a non-materialistic approach to your gift this year. In quotes, your gift is coming.

Speaker 2 I love you, and happy birthday, brother. And I wrote back, who wrote this?

Speaker 2 I wrote, I love you so much. I did too many.
I appreciate your friendship. I knew it took you a long time because it was really good.

Speaker 2 I appreciate your friendship more than I can say.

Speaker 2 You're my family forever. And then we texted a little bit.

Speaker 2 And then he sent a picture of throw-up, vomit.

Speaker 2 A picture of vomit.

Speaker 2 Right after a heartfelt. I'm going to tell you about what's going on for me.

Speaker 2 What are you doing? What is going on? You're taking Ozempic for a while. No, no, can we just go? Let's rewind.
Okay, go ahead. Okay.
Can I rewind a little bit? Okay.

Speaker 2 First of all, I have a couple of great announcements to make. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I think the Penguins is one of the best shows I've ever seen. You do? Have you seen it? No.
That fourth episode was.

Speaker 2 Very good. Okay, don't tell them.
Don't give a

Speaker 2 haeny. I've been watching

Speaker 2 the Great British Baking. Have you seen it? Not yet.
Okay. That's a great one, too.
I'm on my GBB, dude. Me too, doo-doo.
Welcome to the Great British British Baking Show. It's me, Beans on Toast.

Speaker 2 Today, you're going to be cooking a profillerette with a little bit of filling.

Speaker 2 All right, so that was good. Sorry.
I do love the show. Yeah, I love it.
It's such a good show. Okay.
When that guy got the handshake? I almost cried. I cried, too.
It was unfortunate.

Speaker 2 Because he was in shock. It was so emotional.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Paul Holly.
It was the Gochujang biscuits. The Gochujang biscuits.
Biscuits. And he goes,

Speaker 2 I've never tasted anything. Anything on ice before? Yeah, yeah.
And he also rolled them up, like they're perfectly formed. They were perfectly formed.
Yeah, he goes, You'll sell a million of those.

Speaker 2 He should. Yeah, yeah.
Can we get Paul Hollywood on the show? Probably not. Or Prue.

Speaker 2 Anyway, but you think Penguin number one?

Speaker 2 A great show so far. I need to watch it.
Yeah. Colin Farrell.
And no. No.

Speaker 2 Don't throw up. Are you going to throw up? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I mentioned Colin Farrell. He throws up.

Speaker 2 Because I want to suck his dick so bad. My mouth gets looped.
Is that good of an actor?

Speaker 2 Bye-bye. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 All right, so.

Speaker 2 It's going to be a tough episode. It's going to be great.
Are you going to throw up again?

Speaker 2 Please don't throw up. Halloween.
I'm going to yak if you throw up. It's Halloween.
Please don't do it. Spooky stuff.
It's Halloween. What?

Speaker 2 Spooky stuff. If you throw up, I'll throw up.
I'm serious. Don't throw it up.
Please don't throw up.

Speaker 2 I'm already getting a moist mouth. Anyway.

Speaker 2 Oh, the Romulus.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, no. Let's go back to the penguin.
Sorry. Are these announcements?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm going to make it announce. Yeah, yeah.
All right.

Speaker 2 Let me just do it. Okay.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Whatever.

Speaker 2 But the real star of the character is Sophia Falcone.

Speaker 2 You fall in love with this character. Sophia Falcone.
Yeah, yeah. The name is incredible.
Yeah. This woman, I mean, oh, I love her.
She kills it. She's from

Speaker 2 your mother. How my mother, Mother.
No, no, what did I see? There's something else she's in. She's in that Palm Springs time travel movie.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I like that. She's also in 30 Rock.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 Kristen Milatti. Yeah.
She kills it. She's fucking awesome.
Her character is so. Anyway, let's go back to.
Okay. So then Alien Romulus was pretty good, too.
Anyway, let's go back to what was going on.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. So I'll get to the vomit in a second.
Can't wait. Okay.
But

Speaker 2 so then you know what happened. So I was in, for the last 10 days, I've been in Canada.
In the woods? Yeah, in three hours. north of Toronto.

Speaker 2 And I was bamboozled into doing something, a favor for a friend,

Speaker 2 which is an extreme camping thing but you can't talk about i can't talk about yeah because it was like one of the most miserable human experiences of my life i didn't eat i didn't sleep i was frozen solid wet all the time it kept raining the food it was just fucking terrible damn and i learned how to make traps i learned how to make a tent what's so funny that's cool no what kind of traps squirrel traps what what kind for what for food no pussy traps oh no Oh, nice.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, no.

Speaker 2 Just laid money out all over the place? No, no, no. Like, I put like, well, they put these like a granola.
Like, you take the wood, you take a piece of a rock. Yo.
What?

Speaker 2 There's no way you know how to do that. I learned how to do it.
I know, but you forgot it already. I know, but I did a different thing.
What? I made it my own. Okay.
I took the cruel granola out.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I put candy corn.
You just ate the granola?

Speaker 2 So I can trap dwarves.

Speaker 2 You catch a Brad Williams? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think if you switch them out, you can catch a dwarf.
That's smart. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So anyway, that would be so funny to watch Bobby setting up a trap in the woods, and they're like, where's all the granola? He just ate all the granola out of the traps. Yeah, yeah.
What happened?

Speaker 2 So and then,

Speaker 2 so I didn't sleep for like 10 days. Jesus.

Speaker 2 I got in a fight with

Speaker 2 somebody.

Speaker 2 I don't give a fuck. Robert Kelly.
You know what I mean? Jim was the Norton was the only one I didn't get a fight with. Yamonika, I fought with.
I fought with the

Speaker 2 producer. The director.
It was bad. Wow.
And so then last night I

Speaker 2 raced to Toronto to get on the flight, flew here, and then my Ozempic was ready. But so I decided.
What do they got to cook it up?

Speaker 2 Like meth? What do you mean it's ready? Yeah, they put it in a fryer.

Speaker 2 Deep fried.

Speaker 2 You have deep fried Ozepic?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 what happened was, come get your Ozempic, baby. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So when I was

Speaker 2 the pharmacy was ready for it, so I went in my mind, it was the dumbest move I've ever made. I go, I'm just going to gorge now.
You're going to eat as much as you can. Right now, right?

Speaker 2 And then, so I ate a lot, like a burrito and taquitos, potato taquitos.

Speaker 2 Oh my God, I could just taste the

Speaker 2 like right here. Don't do it.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Don't. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Sorry. Happy Halloween.

Speaker 2 Happy Halloween, everybody. Okay.

Speaker 2 So then

Speaker 2 I put the zimpink in, but I hadn't digested all the food,

Speaker 2 but I haven't also slept in a week. So I go, I'm going to sleep.
But while I was sleeping,

Speaker 2 I tasted what I'm tasting now, which is potato taquitos.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. And I was laying on my back, and I went, you know, like, you know, in.
I know, we know. We don't need to know.
Alien Romulae. Let's go back to Alien Romulus, right?

Speaker 2 You know, when the fucking punctures? No, you know, I think it's better. You know how the androids in Alien Romulus, when they get punctured, that little white fluid comes out of their mouth?

Speaker 2 Yes?

Speaker 2 I'm saying yes, so we can move on.

Speaker 2 I have no idea.

Speaker 2 You feel it, you taste it in your mouth. Yeah, so I was like, and I just literally, and ask anyone.

Speaker 2 I don't have to ask anyone. I don't know who you would ask.
Ask them all. Ask everybody.
Okay. I've never vomited.
Has he ever vomited? I've never seen it. No one's ever seen me vomit.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Because I don't do it. I diarrhea diarrhea all the time.
Yeah. That's my thing.
That's your thing. Yeah, I go the other end.
Yeah. The other end, I'm pro.
This is closed. Closed off.

Speaker 2 That thing's wide open. Yeah, wide open.

Speaker 2 So then I raced over here and it's like, so I don't know. Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 You know you can't eat full burritos and then go to bed, too. That's also bad.
Outside of Ozempic. You're not supposed to like eat and then go to sleep.
That is double failure. Right, double failure.

Speaker 2 So how many, are you on

Speaker 2 a regimented dose now of Ozempic? Yeah.

Speaker 2 you're taking it yeah why did you do this well do you want to hear the story yeah that's why i asked you it was something that i was going to keep a secret i let it out okay i was with a woman

Speaker 2 we have to go on

Speaker 2 we're making out

Speaker 2 first base

Speaker 2 then she stopped

Speaker 2 yeah yeah Yeah. Oh, no, I was.
Her body, her choice. All right, yeah, yeah.
Her choice, yeah. Her body, her choice.

Speaker 2 Her body, her choice. Her body, her choice, right? Her body, her choice.
And then she looked and she goes, I just, I'm not attracted to you. Yep.

Speaker 2 And she goes, you're fat. You're fat.
No. Yeah.
No, that's boo. She called you.

Speaker 2 And I go, oh.

Speaker 2 She didn't realize until that moment.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Damn, Lyle. For Lyle? Oh,

Speaker 2 yeah. That was.
Yeah. Dude, Menendez killers are hard, dude.
Dude, dude. I swear to God, dude.
That was good. That was good.
I'm going to let you have that one. Yeah, I love it.

Speaker 2 And I'll tell you why I liked it. It came out smoothly.
Yeah, finally. Yeah, the delivery was perfect.
You didn't miss a beat. Yeah, you didn't miss a beat.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you another thing.

Speaker 2 It hurt bad. Yeah.
It hurt real bad. So, wait a minute.
Did you insult her? She said you're fat. Did you insult her back? No, I go, oh, well, then, okay.
No, you got to take a shot back at her.

Speaker 2 And then,

Speaker 2 like, what? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I have to see you.

Speaker 2 No. Oh, yeah, that's not good, right? No, no, I'm not going to do it.
No, no, I just kind of contemplated and I went, oh, I think I have to lose weight. Because a woman called you fat?

Speaker 2 I've been also seeing it, a feeling it, like, you know what I mean? Like, like when it's photos of me on stage. Yeah.
You know what I mean? It just doesn't look right to me. Well, we Photoshop those.

Speaker 2 We make you look fatter and those on purpose. You know, like all the ones that you try to put on there, I go, you got to take that off?

Speaker 2 You know, it's been an issue for like a year because I'm like, I don't like the way I look. A year?

Speaker 2 So you let it go.

Speaker 2 She didn't realize it until then.

Speaker 2 It hurts. It hurts again.
Thank you. Wait a minute.

Speaker 2 You're beautiful just the way you are. Shut up.
No, you aren't. I'm done.
But I also don't want to. I'm on it.
Ozempe is bad. It's not bad.
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 Because you're going to get off and they say as soon as you get off, it's bad news, bears. I'm not going to get off it.
You stay on it for life? I don't know, dude. I don't know what else to do.

Speaker 3 But you're not even fat, fat.

Speaker 2 Thank you. You're not fat.
You look good. You do look good.
Yeah, she didn't. That's not what she said.

Speaker 2 Who the fuck is she?

Speaker 2 She has eyeballs.

Speaker 2 We have eyeballs. Yeah, yeah, but your eyeballs are

Speaker 2 your eyeballs come with already a

Speaker 2 feeling. That's right.
Right. Yeah, because I want to, because I feel people.
You don't just judge based on one thing. No, but we have history and there's a relationship that goes beyond a nonsense.

Speaker 2 And maybe she needs to create that. That has nothing to do with looks.
Maybe she needs to create that with you. Right.
But she didn't. Well, then, so why listen to her?

Speaker 3 And she was the only one that complained.

Speaker 2 What about the other girls? That's exactly right. There's other girls that have said, like, you can lose some weight.

Speaker 2 She said, you could lose some weight. She was calling her doctors to see if she can get me.
It was a big that. Like, this is six months ago.
Rush Ozempic.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's like, I'm going to call my doctors to get you it now. Wow.
And I was like, oh. Are there people selling the Oz on the streets?

Speaker 2 Huh? It's hard to get that. They're running out of it.
I'm just, dude, 10 days of survival. You know what I mean? And then

Speaker 2 it. This, you know what I mean? Because we're going to Australia.
And New Zealand. And we have 10 days before Singapore.
I'm not doing anything between. Yeah, I'm going to rest my body.

Speaker 2 Well, or exercise. Whatever.

Speaker 2 Whatever you mean. But anyway, that's what.
So that's why. I don't like that somebody called you fat because it hurt your feelings, obviously.

Speaker 2 Why don't you call someone in this room fat to make it fair? I'd be a big,

Speaker 2 I mean. But really hit them.

Speaker 2 Really hit them. Hit him.
Really hit him. Really? Yeah, hit him hard, dude.
Yeah, it's like

Speaker 2 when you take marshmallow and you over-microwave it where it bubbles. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah. Delicious.
What? Delicious? Yeah, but that's not a human body. You're going to love that.

Speaker 2 I was watching the Great British Baking Show. Yeah.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 It wasn't even funny what I did. It was funny.

Speaker 2 Cut it out.

Speaker 2 That was so mean. I'm watching the Great British Baking Show.
You know when they're like, they needing the bread and then they put it in the proofing drawer.

Speaker 2 drawer it has to proof and rise you know the guy opened the drawer i'm not kidding yeah as it proofed i saw the show and rose and i remember i pointed and i go andres yeah there's fancy yeah my little proofing drawer better slam

Speaker 2 is that a better slam way better yeah yeah

Speaker 2 but you know what the funny thing is is that i i mean that's the only thing that i can get you with is your pork kits because everything else is perfect as a beautiful wife and a beautiful daughter yeah you have yeah you have your whole you have a great life and it's been a pleasure working with you.

Speaker 2 And you're a talented director, and I don't think we'd be able to do this show without you.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. Oh, my God.

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Speaker 2 Oh my God, I had to swallow that one in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That makes it worse.
What? Don't swallow your vomit. It's just going to come.
Get it out. Yeah, well, this is coming from a bulimic guy.
He'll tell you all that stuff.

Speaker 2 You used to do that.

Speaker 2 I mean, I do throw up a lot. You do? I have indigestion.
I read a book about

Speaker 2 a Korean boy

Speaker 2 and he was living in Minnesota. Oh, God.
What happened? What's going on? You read this book? I feel like it sounds familiar.

Speaker 2 Yeah, is this?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's walking toward the field.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 during the winters. Is this a John Carpenter book? It is.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I remember. During the winters, you know what I mean? It's like a snowy field.
Snowy field. It's ice skating rink.
I see it.

Speaker 2 There's a Zamboni and a shed. There's a Zamboni out in a field? No, but there's a gigantic shed that a Zamboni is that they put it.
And

Speaker 2 during the summers, a man who has mental disabilities, you know what I mean, is taking care of mowing the lawns during the summer. Right.
And taking care of the Zenbone. In the field.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and he has candy in the shed. How much? What kind? A lot.

Speaker 2 The good kind. The good kind.
Yeah, dipping dips. Dip and dips? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So no dots. Yeah, yeah, dips.
Just did dips. Just the dipsticks? Just the dipsticks.

Speaker 2 Later, I found it was his penis.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 yeah, it was a great book. Great book.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday, dear Tito.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday

Speaker 2 to you.

Speaker 2 You're not wearing any underwear, McCone. It's not.
Okay.

Speaker 2 The smoke alarm is going to go off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's okay. No, no, let him try.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday, dear.

Speaker 2 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 3 Smells like barbecue.

Speaker 2 41, huh?

Speaker 2 How's it feel? You don't want to get kidnapped, do you?

Speaker 2 This is awesome. This is a Rudy cake.
Yeah, is this you guys put this knife in there? This came like this. Uh-huh.
That's so is it a high-end cake? Yes, whoa. We only get do you get photos of this?

Speaker 2 What a great cake. So dope.
What did it say down there? Happy birthday, Santino. Oh, that's amazing.
Can we eat this? Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Wow. Probably a couple bites.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, you got to cut it up or something.
Is this gutsy? Yeah. Ooh, gutsy.

Speaker 2 Thanks, Bud. This cake goes well with your sample.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Thank you, guys. Okay, you're so funny today.

Speaker 2 You're on fire.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Wow. What a nice shirt, dude.
For golfing. That's a great shirt, dude.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's a great shirt.
Who did this? You did this? Wow. Amazing.
That is so nice. It's a nice shirt.
That is so nice.

Speaker 2 What a dope shirt. That is dope.
Do you guys have the receipt? Yes. Okay.
Thank you. What did you guys do? This is awesome.
I forgot. Would you get me?

Speaker 2 What? No, no, no, I'm not mad. We got you the cool butterfly cake.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was.
No, I'm not mad. No, I'm not mad.
That was dope. I know, I'm not mad.
It's probably my behavior.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, let's get. No, I'm not mad.

Speaker 2 It's probably my behavior. No one said you were.
Okay, so let me just get this out of the out in the open. I'm not mad.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. Enjoy your cake.

Speaker 2 So I got nothing, but it's fine.

Speaker 2 I wasn't here. It's fine.
It's fine. I bring not being a fan.

Speaker 2 That's okay. But it's probably something that I've done wrong.
Wow.

Speaker 2 That cake is really cool.

Speaker 2 It really hurts my feelings.

Speaker 2 So, why are you laughing? Rudy got you a lot of cool things for your birthday, Marie. Yeah, the ashtray.

Speaker 2 Don't be cutting my cake.

Speaker 2 Rudy, come here, get a big piece.

Speaker 2 I mean, how is this?

Speaker 2 What a great cake. Thank you.
Guys, that's a big piece.

Speaker 2 Happy Halloween. Happy, happy Halloween.
Happy Halloween. Can we talk about our favorite horror movies? Ooh, yes.
What would be yours? My favorite horror movie of all time is White Checks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, pretty scary. Ooh.

Speaker 2 What's your favorite horror movie? Well, I said for years hereditary, but

Speaker 2 I think the best movie is Let the Right One In. Let the Right One In.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up. You even know what I'm saying? Why do you say it like that? Let the Right One In.

Speaker 2 Why are you saying it like that? You saw it? That's a movie. You saw it.
Now that is a movie. What's it about?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you exactly what. Have you ever seen Let the Right One In?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You've seen it? Yeah. It's so good.
What's it about? What's it about?

Speaker 3 It's about

Speaker 2 a white person. Ooh, that's yes.
That is true. It is about a white.
Yeah, yeah. And

Speaker 3 he only lets the right ones in.

Speaker 2 Right. So he's a bouncer at a nightclub.
Yeah. And a guy comes up and he's like, sir, no baseball hats, no jean shorts.
You know, and he, that's what happens. It's a bouncer at a nightclub.

Speaker 2 No, I thought it was about a southern country club. It's a southern, it's a bouncer at a southern club.
A southern construct

Speaker 2 in the 1960s. Yeah, he's a bouncer at a country club.
Yeah, yeah. And it's like, nah,

Speaker 2 nah. He says that a lot.
Nah.

Speaker 2 And then, well,

Speaker 2 we have our own clubs.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Uh-uh, mm-mm.

Speaker 2 No, what do you, uh,

Speaker 2 that's what that's what the movie is about. And so he has to choose which one he lets lets in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he lets the right come on, man!

Speaker 2 No, no,

Speaker 2 we let go, no baseball hats, pal. Okay, all right, sorry.
There's a dress code. Is that what it's about? There's a dress code.

Speaker 2 What is it about?

Speaker 2 Would it be real or joking?

Speaker 2 Either way at this point. At this point? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Jesus, are you going to puke? No, I'm fine. Okay.
But

Speaker 2 it's considered, if you look up the scariest the best vampire movies of all time it's probably either one or two in every list better than dracula yeah better than dracula probably in the one or two if you say the greatest vampire movies probably top three type in greatest vampire movie of all time

Speaker 2 so it's from dusk till dawn interview with the vampire dracula that's the list no no that's just

Speaker 2 go down to like mojo or like any of the lists like they have a list about IGN. Yeah, do that then.
Okay. And go to top three.
Okay.

Speaker 2 25 best vampire movies of all time.

Speaker 2 All right. Number one.
Or 25. No, that's 25.
No, no, Sfaratu. Yeah, that's great.
Go to two.

Speaker 2 Thirst. Go to one.

Speaker 2 Bram Stroker's Dracula. What did I say? Go to four.
Dracula. Go to four.
Go to Stoker. Go to four.
Number one. Dracula.

Speaker 2 Afflicted. Five.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 Snear Dark. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 There it is. Let the right one in.
So, sixth. Top six.
Not even top five.

Speaker 2 Okay. And mine was number one.
Dracula. Number one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I would, I would, in my opinion. This is better than Dracula.
You think that's a good idea. Take notes, chance.
Bram Stoker.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Bram Stoker. This movie.
Bram, two words, pal. Bram Stoker.

Speaker 2 Go down.

Speaker 2 Look at him. Right.

Speaker 2 Hey, bud.

Speaker 2 Bram Stoker.

Speaker 2 Is that Will Farrell? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's the same character that he was in. No, Francis Ford Coppola did that.
Come on. Yeah.
It's a Coppola movie. Yeah.
It's the best. Yeah, I mean, it's probably the second best.

Speaker 2 Megalopa is number one.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 So can I tell you what the little Ryan one is about? Yeah. It's a young Swedish boy.
Okay, in the 19, probably 70s, probably early 80s. It seems like the 70s.
Alfredsen, yes, little Swedish boy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Tiny.

Speaker 2 He's a single mom. You can tell that he's been bullied.
People have a piketon to me.

Speaker 2 Oscar. You're on fire today.
I get the piketon today. I'm so glad.
So, um,

Speaker 2 so he's being picked on. Stop.
Yeah, yes, stop. And he goes outside, and what he does, he has no friends.
I don't have any friends. Yeah, yeah.
Now I'm you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Just a little Swedish boy, don't have any friends. So he's at nights he stands, he stands outside and he takes that little knife.
I will stand outside with a little knife. Yeah, and he stabs a tree.

Speaker 2 I kill the tree. And he, as if he's fighting back the bullies.
Oh, wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But at the same time, he sees that there's somebody moving in

Speaker 2 to an apartment.

Speaker 2 And he sees an old man and a little girl move into an apartment. And then he looks up and it's at night.
And he sees the old man put cardboard on the windows. No light gets in.

Speaker 2 And then a couple of nights later.

Speaker 2 Cardboard?

Speaker 2 So no light gets in?

Speaker 2 Cardboarded light would still get through.

Speaker 2 Like newspapers, cardboard. There's layers.
Newspaper wouldn't do it either. Yeah, if you do a layer, though? A couple layers of duvetine, maybe some blackout cardboard.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's really tough. Blackout light completely is really hard.
I know. I've been trying it for years.
I was fired at I did it. Well, I kidnapped this.
Your instincts? I kidnapped this.

Speaker 2 Every instinct is the right instinct.

Speaker 2 Wow. So tell me.
I am telling you.

Speaker 2 But here's here's why I don't want to tell you. Because I'm doing comedy stuff? No, no, not just comedy stuff, right? Because I'm telling you, I didn't control.

Speaker 2 Was I the set designer for the fucking movie? I wish you were. I know, but it's a better set.
I didn't raise my hand. Dude,

Speaker 2 we should get fucking

Speaker 2 light blockers.

Speaker 2 I don't even know what to call it. What sets you? Light blockers, yeah.
Whatever. You know what I mean? That's why they wouldn't hire me.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You think this is one of the best vampire movies of all? I'm not done with the fucking description of the fucking movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah. All right.
So any, what, boring? This guy's putting cardboard up in the windows to block out the light. Right.
Then, then the next night, the kid's out there and Oscar.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And he looks, and there's like a, there's like a jungle jammy kind of area.
Oh, wow. And he looks, and

Speaker 2 there's the girl on top of the jungle gym, barefoot, right?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And they start talking. She's just on the top.
Yeah, she's on top.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And then they form a relationship. You know what I mean? They become friends.
How old? Like, we're talking 10. 8 to 10.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And formidable years.
And then she tells him.

Speaker 2 That's when I started having crushes. Eight to 10.
Formidable years.

Speaker 2 Fuck up. Come on.
I'm just saying. I know.

Speaker 2 But that is. When you're on fire like this and I'm not, I like it.
You're cruising. Yeah.
I'm cruising for a bruising. Do you remember when you were like eight to ten? When there's like,

Speaker 2 that's when there was one girl in class who had boobs. Do you remember that?

Speaker 2 Do you remember her name? Dude, do you remember her name? There's always one girl by like I saw it

Speaker 2 in, yeah, when you're like in fifth year. I was at play in my fifth year.
I played Huckleberry Finn. Who had the boobs? No, I didn't know her name.
You don't know her name?

Speaker 2 But I walked into a room that wasn't supposed to walk in, and one girl had her shirt off because she was changing. Uh-huh.
You're right. And I saw them, right?

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 McNifi saw it with blue

Speaker 2 at the time. My friend.
Was that where the Italian? Hey,

Speaker 2 it was like, I just, it was like a spiritual awakening. Wow.
You know, it was like, I'd never seen boobs before. Live.
Live. For my mom's.
Right. The yellow, shriveled-up pieces of shit boobs.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 She had. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Anyway, custard used to come out of that.

Speaker 2 Anyway, no, they're beautiful boobs, mom. I love you, mom.
But yes, and when I remember, when's the first time you saw boobs?

Speaker 2 The first time I saw a nice, nice set of boobs. Well, I'm just saying the first girl when we were in like fifth grade that had boobs.
That's what I mean. That story reminded me.

Speaker 2 I remember when girls started to get boobs, and I thought, whoa,

Speaker 2 they just keep going, huh? Whoa, gnarly, whoa, intense. I wonder what they look like.
Yeah. The first time I saw boobs in real life, 26, 27.
Oh, wow, wow, wow. 27, 28.
Oh, wow. Late blueberry.

Speaker 2 I remember my first pube.

Speaker 2 Do you? Yeah, dude. And I celebrated.
Did you?

Speaker 2 I mean, it was.

Speaker 2 I howled in the night because I was 17. Yeah.
And everyone had already had done it in their 15. Everyone already had them.
So I thought I would have had

Speaker 2 a mutation or there was genetically something wrong with me. You still don't have a lot of pubes.
You're pretty, you're pretty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not when you're in the middle of it.

Speaker 2 I had the one. I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 It was, I celebrated. They kept growing in.
I was so happy. How stoked were you? I was so stoked.
Add some fuzz down there. Remember the first time come came out?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You You do? Kind of.
What do you mean, kind of?

Speaker 2 I've never told you the story, but when I um, when I was uh,

Speaker 2 I used to love watching Beverly Hills Cop. Yeah.
That much? I loved that movie. And then there was a there was a song in it: The heat is on,

Speaker 2 don't,

Speaker 2 the song is street. Okay.

Speaker 2 I know the song, I've seen the movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 When I first started wanking,

Speaker 2 serge. That song of Serge killed that movie.
Ahuel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 With Bronson Pinchot. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When I first started jerking off, that song was in my head. Okay.

Speaker 2 Heat is on.

Speaker 2 I swear to God.

Speaker 2 And when I would come.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That owl.

Speaker 2 Tell me, can you feel it? Tell me, can I? I swear to God.

Speaker 2 My song was. And so now, Pavlovian, if you play that song now, boom, I'll come everywhere.

Speaker 2 It's close to yours, Eddie Murphy.

Speaker 2 My girl likes to party all the time, party all the time, party all the time.

Speaker 2 You don't know these songs, do you? No.

Speaker 2 Are we going to trick-or-treat this year? Let's do it. I would love to.
Remember when we used to throw eggs at houses when we trick-or-treated? Yeah. Did you ever do that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Were you a bad boy at Sandy? I TP'd and egged my own house.

Speaker 2 I was too afraid to get in trouble. Yeah.
So I just did my own house and I had to clean it the next day. Your dad would come outside and clean it? Yeah.
He even let me.

Speaker 2 I told him I was going to do it. You egged your own house? Yeah.
But you have to clean next day. So I cleaned it.
My brother and I, Steve, cleaned it next day.

Speaker 2 Here's another thing just that has nothing to do with Halloween that I've been obsessed with on the YouTube. What? Is

Speaker 2 Rock Virgin.

Speaker 2 R-O-C-K? Rock Version? Yeah. What is that? So there's this lady, she's like a classically trained woman.
She has an accent. I think she's from some village somewhere.
But she's a classically trained,

Speaker 2 and she's never listened to rock and roll before.

Speaker 2 Oh, they play her the song for the first time? So

Speaker 2 she'll like go, okay, today I'm going to a song by a band called Queen. Right.
Right?

Speaker 2 Bohemia Rhapsody. And she plays it.
And she listens to it. And it's so interesting to see her.

Speaker 2 That's her. Virgin Rock, I mean.
That's her. And then she played Paranoid Android by Radiohead.
Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 yeah, and it's really interesting her reactions to you know, I mean, like listening to rock and roll for the very first time. Now, what's wrong with her that she hasn't heard any of this stuff?

Speaker 2 Is this because she's just not

Speaker 2 hated nine-inch nails, though? Didn't like Closer? Yeah, she's like, It's ugly. She goes, It's sexual, but not in a good way.
It's a negative, I know, it's gorgeous.

Speaker 2 I know, it's like, I want to penetrate you,

Speaker 2 I want to complicate you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I want to violate you. Oh, it's such a good song.
Tool, sober. Yeah, great song.
I mean, she, it's just interesting to hear her. Even Simon and Gruffel, she had never heard of.

Speaker 2 How? How? I know that. I can't, you know, I don't even know.
Yeah, we believe it. She listened to.

Speaker 2 Well, we can't hear any of them. No, no, we don't do it.
No, but I'm just saying. It's just an interesting.
No, that is really cool.

Speaker 2 To see, you know, someone's real reaction to it.

Speaker 2 Wow. And by the way, only 19,000 views.
So

Speaker 2 you're getting in this niche. This is.
Oh, I'm a niche guy. You're a niche guy.
Oh, my God. Things.
Oh, my God. Can I tell you what happened? Yeah.
About niche. Yeah, giving niche.
All right.

Speaker 2 So the first night we were at this camping trip,

Speaker 2 we were not actually camping. We're at a restaurant for the first night.
Just eating? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And Yamanika, black female comic, one of the funniest people on planet Earth in New York, you know, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she was talking about algorithms. So then I told them about me and Carlos is an algorithm.
Is that her cousin?

Speaker 2 Very funny.

Speaker 2 And then I

Speaker 2 very funny. Thanks.
Very good. And I go, I go, well, and I showed her like a video that I would watch.
And it was like an African man eating a monkey. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she saw it. That's not in her algorithm?

Speaker 2 You showed her a video of an African man eating a monkey. She started crying.
Yeah. What? At the table.
She got mad at you because you showed her a video of a man eating a monkey. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why would you show her that? I was giving her an example of

Speaker 2 my algorithms. Oh, okay.
I shouldn't eat this. Can you take this away? Yeah, please, please, please, please, before it makes me feel.
Now the vomit's cakey. You got into a big fight with her?

Speaker 2 Not only that,

Speaker 2 she refused to eat dinner

Speaker 2 because of the monkey eating video. Yeah.
I couldn't believe it. Well, yeah.
yeah. And then Bobby Kelly, I don't know why he would do this.
He just got found monkey toys.

Speaker 2 No. Yeah.
Like 20 minutes later. Just playing them? And he just played it right just randomly.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 And then me and Jim and Robert Kelly laughed to the point where we had to leave, because we were in a room. Yeah.
We had to leave the room and we were in this hallway side, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 And she's just sitting there. You know what I mean? Pissed.
Yeah, but then we were laughing so so hard, like uncontrollably, where I couldn't breathe. Like, we could not breathe, right? Even Norton.

Speaker 2 Is she still mad at you? No, then she starts laughing. No.
And that's how.

Speaker 2 That breaks it up. That breaks it up.
That breaks it up. As long as you go far enough there that she laughs to bring it back.
What are you doing?

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding when I say this. You have to finish that cake.
You took a big piece. Yeah, it's not right.

Speaker 3 Look at this.

Speaker 2 It's not right. You took that piece.
I didn't do that. It's not right.

Speaker 3 But I just wanted to say on TikTok, you can also watch porn in it.

Speaker 2 How? Golly. How?

Speaker 3 Like, my grandpa from the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go. Yeah.
Here we go. We know all the tidbits about TikTok, Philippines.
Wait, your grandfather watches porn on TikTok?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what my mom says. Like, oh, he's watching porn again

Speaker 3 on TikTok.

Speaker 2 Can you not just watch it on regular internet?

Speaker 3 He likes TikTok.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he likes TikTok. You can watch porn on TikTok? I don't think so.
I think you can do it on Twitter. Twitter has porn stuff.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what's incredible, by the way.

Speaker 2 Here I was in my my hotel in like Kentucky or Indiana or whatever. Do you know about this? Yeah, tell me about this thing.
A lot of these states.

Speaker 2 They block porn.

Speaker 2 You can't watch it. Like you go, if you go to Pornhub, they block it.

Speaker 2 You have to do, look it up. You have to do like...
VPN. VPN.
Yeah, yeah. But if I didn't have a VPN on my new phone, so you have to log in and register.
Pornhub is blocked in Texas.

Speaker 2 All these places are there.

Speaker 2 But not all sites. Almost all of them.
No, I mean, I got site sites? Well, I I called Greg Fitzsimmons, and he told me the ones to find. He was like, I got the side one.
Yeah, yeah, I have the sites.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the webcams still work. Yeah, but look, Texas, Missouri, Arkansas, Louisiana, Mississippi, Virginia, North Carolina, and Utah, they blocked Pornhub.
They want you to log in with your information

Speaker 2 so you can watch porn. Yeah, they do that now here.
There's a whole new security check in even California. No, I can turn on Pornhub right now.

Speaker 2 Not in the sites that I have.

Speaker 2 I have to go through five processes to even get on now.

Speaker 2 we got a log and you got to do like a retinal scan to get I have to do a face scan and then what thumb prints you have to do a thumbprint yeah yeah yeah all that Bobby Lee welcome back for the seventh time today

Speaker 2 good but just a side note too so um we were three hours north in Canada and you know there the producer's bacon camp was at a college, this remote college in the woods.

Speaker 2 A college in the woods is so hot. And it was late at night and there was a security guard, and he came down with bad friends' t-shirts.
And he,

Speaker 2 I had never seen a man

Speaker 2 so shocked and happy to see you. To see me.
How cute. Yeah, it was just really.

Speaker 2 Bobby A. I can't believe you're here, bud.
Yeah, it was all the way in the woods with us at our college. Yeah, it was like that.
It was cool. I signed everything.

Speaker 2 Now, do people ask you, hey, where's Andrew? Yeah, all the time. They ask me, where's Bobby every as if you're where I go? Yeah.
Oh, he's right there. Yeah.
No.

Speaker 2 The guy in Cleveland. Hey, man.
Hey, man. Yeah.
Big fan. Thanks, man.

Speaker 2 Where's Bobby? Yeah. I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 We're two different guys. I know.
We have to relax. I don't know where you are.
You know what's so funny? I do know where you are pretty much all the time.

Speaker 2 What's going on? They ready? Anyway, so we have a guest. Oh, we have a special guest.
It's a guy that I've done his show. Have you done his interaction? I did his show, I did his show.

Speaker 2 I did the new show, I did the old show. Well, let's see, Goblicon.
Oh, wow,

Speaker 2 show him where to go, McCone. Yeah, yeah, John Goblicon.
John Gobble's here, dude. Wow, wow, John, yeah, John, woo, give him a round of applause, John Gobblecon.

Speaker 2 Wow,

Speaker 2 wow, what's up, John? Oh,

Speaker 2 hello, hi, wow, yeah, what

Speaker 2 okay, uh,

Speaker 2 Everyone looks a little different than I remember. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why is that?

Speaker 2 Who am I, John? You think? It's Halloween. Who are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm dressed as somebody.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 okay.

Speaker 2 You're a juggalo without the makeup. Oh, good.
Very good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, very close.

Speaker 2 You've disappointed your parents. Yeah, yeah.
Very good. Yeah, okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you talking about me or the character I'm playing? Because those are both several.
I think it's both

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee, who just got a tattoo, correct? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Guy, John, wow.
Very good.

Speaker 2 What? Just.

Speaker 2 He's on Ozempic. Yeah, Ozempic.
Burps. This is the Oz kicking in, baby.

Speaker 2 And then what about her? What do you think she is?

Speaker 2 Alanis Morcet.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
Very good. Very good.
Very good. You got one.
All All right. You got one, dude.
And what am I? Yeah. Oh,

Speaker 2 okay. Hold on.

Speaker 2 Whitebread.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I mean, it's kind of like, kind of look like

Speaker 2 a golf caddy.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
Yeah. That's it.
That's good. Golf caddy.
Yeah. Yeah, that's it.
For a Wonderbread tournament. That's it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's it. That's it.
John Gobbleton, I mean, John.

Speaker 2 Now, your fingers are very long, John. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Thank you.
Yeah, I'm worried worried about popping this. I don't want to get too excited.
Sometimes I get nervous and I grip it, but I didn't know you guys had...

Speaker 2 These are what I have in my home. Oh, I see.
Yeah, this is a kind of...

Speaker 2 Are the other limbs

Speaker 2 that long?

Speaker 2 Are the other limbs?

Speaker 2 Do you have long toes? He's saying, do you have a long toes? Oh, yeah. I mean,

Speaker 2 these are nine and a half. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's not bad.

Speaker 2 That's pretty average.

Speaker 2 He's bigger than you. Yeah, I'm nine.
Yeah. He's a half-size bigger.

Speaker 2 That speaks volumes, doesn't it? how are your other limbs bobby my limbs are um

Speaker 2 well i'm

Speaker 2 they're fine well he's on ozempic yeah i was gonna say they're fine i mean no i i i i froze up there for a second yeah you did yeah that was the ozempic yeah that's not the ozempic um what i want to say is

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 let me give you give me that ask me again

Speaker 2 what what are your hey bobby yeah what are your other limbs are fine

Speaker 2 oh no good he he did a retake retake to go with five. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 2 Let's go and take two.

Speaker 2 Take two. Yeah, let's go with take two.
How about one more? Walmart. Walmart.
Walmart. Just this is one.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bob. Proportional to my body.

Speaker 2 That's what I wanted to say.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I froze up. Proportional to my body.
In terms of your guests on your show,

Speaker 2 who's the biggest guest you've ever had? Mr. Podcast Andrew Santino.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Thank you, John.
Thank you, John. Yeah.
Yeah, who's the second?

Speaker 2 Probably a a DJ, you know. You had some DJs, yeah.
So you've had, what, Dylan Francis on? Yeah, that was him. Yeah, he had Dylan Francis on.
His favorite instrument, the laptop.

Speaker 2 That's what he does. DJs, he's pressing a button.

Speaker 2 But I had Bobby on. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'm glad I'm here.

Speaker 2 You know, I'm glad me being a goblin, my culture can be all of your comedy on Halloween. Sorry.

Speaker 2 But I'm happy I'm here because I want to clear the air. Okay.
You came on my podcast,

Speaker 2 broke my set, flipped the table, kicked over my Southwestern egg rolls. That's right.

Speaker 2 And we kind of left on a sour note.

Speaker 2 I think the problem was that you brought, like, when I came, you had egg rolls. Southwestern.
Which is kind of, you are a Southwestern egg roll. You're from San Diego.
That is true. That's perfect.

Speaker 2 That is actually perfect. You are my little Southwestern egg roll.
So he was doing that to compliment you, and here you are. Then you.
Yeah, I took it as an

Speaker 2 insult. An insult.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, you know what? In retrospect, I'm my bad, and I apologize.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, because it would kind of be like me, a green guy, walking in here, and you just having like another fat-deformed green guy on your desk or something. It would be like that kind of offensive.

Speaker 2 Do you think it would be like that kind of offensive, Bobby?

Speaker 2 Do you think it would be like me, a guy

Speaker 2 self-conscious of his teeth? Just leave it. Yeah, do you know how many people in high school we should have been more mindful? We're like, oh, look, there goes Slimer.
Oh, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 Do you know how

Speaker 2 many times

Speaker 2 people would say that to me? I said, Tino. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you do this? Honestly, if you really want to know the truth about this, this is new to us. She put that on the desk.
Yeah, she did. Yes, she did.

Speaker 2 Yes, she did.

Speaker 2 You ought to know. Yes.
Valon Morzette. I like it.

Speaker 2 What she said was, I was at the CVS and I got a John Goblicon statue. I'm like, that's not John Gobblekon.

Speaker 2 She was trying to get. Oh, you're trying to get a John Gobblekon.
Oh, well, I'll send you. That's what she thought.
Oh, we do have John Goblicon plussies available now.

Speaker 2 Are you guys going to do the graphics for me like I do on my show? Yeah. Okay, great.
Because, like, that's kind of like my thing, though. Yeah, they will.
You know, like,

Speaker 2 it's like, kind of like, that's my, like, you might be a redneck. Mine is right now.
Yeah. I like that.
Is that your own?

Speaker 2 The name of the show is. Right now.
It's a good show. Wow.
Yeah. It's a great show.
Can we just talk? I want to know about your history. Like, what part of.

Speaker 2 I don't know where goblins are.

Speaker 2 Because we have a Korea town. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is there a Goblinville? Yeah, is there a Goblinville?

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 it's probably Van Nuys or. Oh, okay.
Yeah. Because you're the only one I've seen.
We've moved south, you know. Yeah, yeah.
You're the only goblin I've seen in LA. Yeah, well,

Speaker 2 I, you know, full disclosure, I don't really know a lot about my childhood or my family. And it's.
Oh, you were adopted or something.

Speaker 2 Okay. I mean, I.
Why would someone give him up for adoption? I have no idea. What is that? What's that? Why is that assumption?

Speaker 2 Why are you looking at me? Well, you're assuming that he would be like given up for adoption. Did you say that? You said.
No, I just said that, like, where I go, where's the gobbles hanging out?

Speaker 2 No, you said, you said you don't have, he said he doesn't know much about his family, and then you said, oh, you're

Speaker 2 adopted.

Speaker 2 I don't like that.

Speaker 2 Wait, no, hold on, stop, stop. Okay.
What the fuck are you doing? What the fuck are you doing, dude?

Speaker 2 Are you trying to insult this fucking person? No, I just fucked up. That's insane.
He's a fan of the family. No, but I fucked up.
When I said that, I fucked up. Well, here's the deal.
Obviously, why?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he knew why. So he looks different.
Big deal. Different.

Speaker 2 Pay a lot of

Speaker 2 people. You can't call him out.

Speaker 2 Call him out.

Speaker 2 I have a question for you. Okay.

Speaker 3 Do you have magic?

Speaker 2 Do I have magic? Very good question. Very good question.

Speaker 2 Great question. Yeah, very good question.

Speaker 2 I could. Yeah.
I mean, are you feeling? I mean, he's not a warlock.

Speaker 3 Well, but he looks magical.

Speaker 2 He does. Oh, yeah, yeah.
So I'm just asking. Have you ever performed magic before? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Comedy magic.

Speaker 2 I think we're all performing it right now. We're all a part of it.
That is true. We're all a part of it.
You, not so much, but I would say this side.

Speaker 2 That's what I mean.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying. No, wait, I don't.
Because now I realize why I kicked the tables on the side. That's energy.
John is. Right now, the way you're looking at it.
Fuck you, John. Don't know.

Speaker 2 Bob, Bob, no, Bob, Bob, be nice. Come out of my fucking house.
Bobby, green shit. When you look like that, it makes your jelly roll.
You really? Okay.

Speaker 2 Don't do that. Because, Bobby, I'm just going to let you know, this is a very tense holiday for me.
Why? Why? Yeah. It's the worst holiday for me.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because every time when I was a kid, you know, I wanted to be somebody, you know, for Halloween. I'd be like, you know, I'm going to be Ross Perot, you know? And then everyone,

Speaker 2 everyone would come up to me and they'd just go, oh, it's a goblin. Right.
You don't need to hear that all the time. Yeah, yeah.
It's like I couldn't be anybody. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you're someone now. You could be a booger.

Speaker 2 Like a gigantic booger. I mean, there are things that you can be, right?

Speaker 2 He already said he wanted to be Ross Perot. Yeah, yeah.
I'm just saying it's a side game. I get it.
Like me saying, I'm going to be Shaquille O'Neal. I'm actually going to pick up you know my list.

Speaker 2 Yeah, right, right. You're saying

Speaker 2 Kim Jong-un, yeah, be who you are, right? Instead of go Ross Perot, you're the opportunity to be someone else. Right, and you really didn't have that opportunity.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Would you like to have that opportunity tonight? I would

Speaker 2 love that, Santito. Okay.
Can we get a costume for John?

Speaker 2 You guys have a costume for me? Probably. You got a little something for me.

Speaker 2 Did you do this?

Speaker 3 No, they did it.

Speaker 2 They did it. Well, I know he did it, but someone did it.
Because, John, we just, I wanted you feel, I wanted you to feel like you're included, you belong. And

Speaker 2 I got told from one of our producers, got told that your whole life

Speaker 2 you were put down. Yeah.
And we would like to welcome you to our family. Here we have a little costume for you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, what? This is great.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is perfect. Let's go ahead and throw that on there.

Speaker 2 Is it a lot of? Could you.

Speaker 2 could you it's got a I mean it's it's it's for normal size faces. Oh Bob.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh wow.

Speaker 2 There we go. There we go.
Bobby. Yeah.
Yeah. What do you think? What am I? Oh God.
What am I? Well, it's I know what it is. What? You're not going to want to hear it.
I want to hear it.

Speaker 2 It's, you know, a Vietnamese soldier with gangrene and a little bit too much napalm.

Speaker 2 All right. Let me get in the kitchen.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That sounds great. Yeah.
It does. Yeah.
Yeah. So, um.
Do you feel like you fit in? Have you ever done an Asian accent, John Gobblecon?

Speaker 2 And I won't be tonight.

Speaker 2 Why? Yeah. Why, John? No, I don't.
You're not even human. Yeah, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 What do you mean he's not human? Of course he's human. I said my podcast is going well.
I want it to go. I want it to go well.
Really well.

Speaker 2 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 Let's not point it at the ceiling. He's not judging.
Real quick. Sure.
I mean, see that? But anyway,

Speaker 2 no pointing at the ceiling.

Speaker 2 We just got our first ad sale. That's great.
Congrats. yeah.
Enron. Yeah.
Enron. That's fun.
That's funny. That's a good company.
Enron's a great company. I do like Enron.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So we're doing well. Yeah, we had BP for a while.
Okay. We've been at British Patroling for quite a long time.

Speaker 2 Red Lobster.

Speaker 2 They're on the hook. John.
John. I'm not John.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 John.

Speaker 2 Very good. Very good.

Speaker 2 So now do you feel a little bit more at home now that I've squashed the beef for you guys? I know I'm playing mediator, but I have to do that on this. No, it's Bobby, do you feel okay now?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I do, man.

Speaker 2 I feel great. Like, I just want to say,

Speaker 2 I think you're super funny. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think

Speaker 2 you're a great actor.

Speaker 2 You're.

Speaker 2 I said,

Speaker 2 he's beat me out for so many roles. I mean, we go up for the same

Speaker 2 role. It's the same category.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Every time I go in for a role, it's like looking for a Bobby Lee Lee type. Yeah.
Ring ring. John Gobbleton.
Wow, wow, wow, wow. Yeah.
Now, what has he gotten that you came close on? Borderlands?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was yours. Yeah.
Yeah, that was yours. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Anything else that means? What about Robin? Oh, yeah,

Speaker 2 Death and Robin. Yep.
So you, I want to do an art house film. You know, I wanted to show my range.
And this guy is like, sorry, we're doing Bobby Lee. I was like, come on, dude.

Speaker 2 Now, have you been able to beat him for anything? Have you ever gotten a role that he was up for that you got? What's that, Mucus commercial? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Music X.

Speaker 2 You beat me with Music and X, EAA. Yeah, they were like, do a little Brooklyn thing.
It wasn't the voice. It was the guy.
But anyway,

Speaker 2 there you go. I see.
There you go. John.

Speaker 2 That's so rude, dude. Yeah, you beat me out of that for sure.
He doesn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at him. Look at him.
John, I live in Messina. Real quick.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Real quick.
Nice.

Speaker 2 That's my boy, Greg. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Cool guy. Yeah.
Seam High.

Speaker 2 Seems like he's cool. Okay.
He's kind of like stuck in the commercial world, but he's cool. Yeah.
I mean, hey, it's a living. So you have a show.

Speaker 2 I do. Yeah, you want to plug it? Sure.
He did. Right now.
Let's do it again.

Speaker 2 It's called the Right Now Podcast with John. Goblin.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And you know what, Bobby? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think that you should invite me on again. I want to have you on.
So I can do a redo. I want to do a full redo.
I want to have you on. Yeah.
I'll bolt everything down. No, you know what? I will not.

Speaker 2 No, I'm going to wear a suit

Speaker 2 really yeah i'm gonna come with a different angle oh yeah

Speaker 2 what's the angle drunk

Speaker 2 what's the angle the angle is i'm gonna come

Speaker 2 with

Speaker 2 he didn't do comedy the first time not on my show right you know did the numbers do good or no on our show yeah yeah they did really good yeah yeah yeah people there it's a big hate watch period right now.

Speaker 2 But here's the thing. Yeah.
So many people in the comments of my show are like, is John Goblicon Bobby Lee?

Speaker 2 So I'm going to come back on. You got to go back on.
I can't wait to have it. I can't wait to do it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I can't wait. I can't wait to do it.
Anyway, anyway, thanks for coming. Thanks for coming.
What? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I got to go to bed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I got to go to bed. I have those Zimbik burps.
Oh, Zimbik Burps are pretty tough. Yeah, yeah, and I'm super tired.
I got to get, I have to get up in six hours.

Speaker 2 Well, I want to say thank you to John Jobs for coming on the show. And I hope that next time that you go on his show, you don't.
It's all good. I can't wait to have you on, Bobby.

Speaker 2 I really, I really made it. And you know what? I'll say something to all you guys.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm okay with Halloween now. That's great.
I really am. Thank you, Graduate, baby.
Hey.

Speaker 2 Can I say this too? I'm going to read me this right. It's so great that we don't have to give you an Uber because you have your fucking broom.

Speaker 2 It's so just

Speaker 2 whatever you do. the fuck out of here man.
Hey hey to be honest fucking freak John

Speaker 2 get him out of here no hey yeah

Speaker 2 no for being a bad friend

Speaker 2 are we having our first fight