Tim Dillon Breaks Down Diddy

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

Speaker 1 These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Speaker 1 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Speaker 1 Hello,

Speaker 1 Andres.

Speaker 1 I'm here.

Speaker 1 Tea to Bobby.

Speaker 1 Andres

Speaker 1 wonderful.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 To Andrew, Carlos, Macon.

Speaker 1 Rooty, Rudy

Speaker 1 Rudy

Speaker 1 Come out wherever you are

Speaker 1 Little pigs, little pigs, let me in

Speaker 1 not by the hair of my chin attention

Speaker 1 Then I'll huff

Speaker 1 and I'll puff

Speaker 1 and I'll blow your house in

Speaker 1 Here's fancy.

Speaker 1 Oh, Rudy,

Speaker 1 I just wanted to let you know that we're live streaming October 24th at 6 p.m. on moment.com/slash slash bad friends.
It's gonna be awesome, guys.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 we're doing a bad friends live show. It's called Scary Times USA.
Scarytime USA. And how do you watch it? Go to moment.co slash bad friends.
It's Thursday, October 24th at 6 p.m.

Speaker 1 We're gonna have exclusive merch available for it. So Bad Friends Scary Time USA,

Speaker 1 dude, America, dude. Yeah, live streaming 24th at 6 p.m.
PST. We're live streaming it.
So join us at moment.co moment.co/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 We'll also be hosting an interactive VIP After Party after the show, and active Patreon members can join the VIP After Party for free.

Speaker 1 Scary Times USA.

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You two or something. We're bad friends.
Yeah. Oh, see, in Japan, White Eyes is scary.

Speaker 1 Have you known? Look at that.

Speaker 1 That's horror. They can't even come to America.

Speaker 1 They get petrified. They're scared of us? Yeah, yeah.
If they go to Ohio, dude, they'll cut. Oh, everybody's so scary.
That's so funny. Oh, White Eyes.
Look at that little boy, dude.

Speaker 1 A Japanese guy has nightmares of just being in like Canton, Ohio. Yeah, yeah.
He wakes up downtown. He's like, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 State federal. I don't like a state federal.
So much of corn. Yeah.
So much of corn. What was that? Italian? So much of corn.

Speaker 1 So much of corn. So much a corner.
Don't even get me stunned. I'm telling you.
Oh, no.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you right now. Don't even get me stunned.
I'm telling you right now.

Speaker 1 Hey, forget about it. Oh, no.
Yeah, dude. He's back.
Yeah, he's back.

Speaker 1 You know what? It's astonishing to me how fat I've gotten. You're not fat.

Speaker 1 Dude, the last couple of podcasts, everybody's talking about how fat I am. Yeah, you're fat.
I know. But not bad fat.
It's pretty bad, dude. No, no, it's fun fat.
You're fun fat.

Speaker 1 There is a level of bad fat. There is like a line of when you're when you're fat fat.

Speaker 1 Well, I've had dates on like I've gone to the beach with dates. You know what I mean? And when I take my shirt off, there is like that kind of like hesitation.
That is a bad date spot.

Speaker 1 Why are you going to the beach? What do you mean? The beach is such a bad date spot. Sand.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I do picnics. Do it in a park.
Okay, that's right. Go down to Echo Park.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I bring boba. I bring it all.
Buns.

Speaker 1 Boba buns? Yeah. I bring it all.
But tell me for real, how do you wash your laundry on hot or on tap?

Speaker 1 What temperature? Warm? I honestly don't know how any of it works. I just press regular and that's all I know about it.

Speaker 1 And then sometimes I don't even know how to like my dryer. I don't even know how to do extension of the time.
Do you dry everything?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, well, my blankets are so large that I have to hang them afterwards. I hang dry.
You hang dry? I feel like because you're supposed to, it shrinks. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have so many blankets.

Speaker 1 I really do. You're a little blanket boy? I have a lot of blankets, but I get them at parachute.

Speaker 1 What is that? To To jump from a plane? No, no, it's a... Some sort of fancy bullshit.
It's fancy blankets and sheets. Free waffle cotton throw.
Yeah, yeah. Look at that.
How much is it?

Speaker 1 Are they expensive? Airborne water. I don't get the bathroom.
Those are bathrobes. Go to the fucking sham blankets.

Speaker 1 What's the point of a bathrobe? Yeah, I don't know what it is. What's the point? You wrap in a towel and then you walk around in the towel until you're dry and then you put on some underwear.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess if you're old and you're cold a lot. Yeah.
They're pretty reasonable, $3.29. Yeah, that doesn't seem crazy.
I don't even know. Probably seems like

Speaker 1 I've got the Jenna Jameson collection from Target. Oh, that's nice.
Yeah. Is it good? Nothing sticks to those sheets.
They're still

Speaker 1 can't stain them. It's good.
It's good. Cannot stain them.

Speaker 1 Dude, so Dave Navarro texted me the other day. What? That's rad.
Right. No, but it's.
It's not rad. Because you know what happened, right? What happened? With him, Perry Farrell?

Speaker 1 Oh, I saw Perry like, what did he, he like, he like pushed him on stage. They got into a fight?

Speaker 1 So Dave Navarro, after getting into a fight, texts you. Yeah, but I don't know if it was for me.

Speaker 1 So check this out. Oh, no, I'm being real.
Check this out. What did he say? He goes,

Speaker 1 whoa. So he texted me.
Come in here. Come here.
I want to hear this. Come here and sit down.
Set him up in the blue chair. Sit down.
Where would I sit? In the blue chair. In the blue chair.

Speaker 1 Ladies and gentlemen. Tim Dill.
Tim. The infamous.

Speaker 1 I swear to God. If what happens? If I injure myself in this chair.
What? Okay. Which is a very big possibility.
Yeah. That's a you problem.
You're going to be fine.

Speaker 1 Well, we're talking about we're talking about Dave Navarro getting. So, Dave, remember Dave Navarro? Yeah.
What happened to him with Perry Farrell on stage? Have you seen this clip?

Speaker 1 Jane's addiction. Yeah, yeah.
Look at he pushed him. This is like a week ago.
This is a week ago. He looks like he's juiced up.

Speaker 1 Look at this. He's pissed off.
He's pissed off. Look at him.
Stop it on each other. When Perry's like that, you got to back away.
Yeah, he looks amped. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's angry.

Speaker 1 He's like, Jane says, look at Jane Saz. Right, look at him.
And then he starts to attack him. Yeah.
Coming down the the mountain. Look at him.

Speaker 1 He's just trying to amp him up. Let's go.
Play your licks. He goes, what? What are you doing? Whoa, what is going on there, dude? Weird.

Speaker 1 All right, so then

Speaker 1 Steve Navarro texts you after

Speaker 1 two days later. So Thursday,

Speaker 1 he goes,

Speaker 1 Did you just?

Speaker 1 He goes, Did you just wake up from a dream I was in?

Speaker 1 Whoa, did you? Yeah. Ironically, yes.
Wow. So this is, and then, because it's obviously for a girl, right? So then I go, what? I've been dreaming about you for years.

Speaker 1 Play the girl thing. Good.
Are you okay from that stage incident? And? Nothing. Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, so it was a girl that he was trying to tag named Bobby. B-O-B-B-I.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But she might have also cared about how he was. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Well, I mean, she could have asked that. Oh, yeah, she could have.
Absolutely. But why didn't he respond? Because he didn't get the answer he wanted.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, should I do another answer? Absolutely not. Okay.
That's the way to get a number.

Speaker 1 All right. You do one more, you're going to come up green.
Oh, really? Okay. Yeah.
Ladies and gentlemen, Tim. The guest of we've never potted together.
Tim Dylan. Never.
Ever.

Speaker 1 No, you're not allowed to stand. Because he canceled the tiger belly three times.
You've canceled me multiple times. No, that's not that's insane.
You've canceled.

Speaker 1 Bobby, you've canceled.

Speaker 1 We've both. That's fucking insane that you would even say that.
Bobby, Tim. We've both Tim Tim.
Tim. He goes through.
Everybody knows Bobby never canceled. Also, Tim, Tim, this too.

Speaker 1 I've canceled more. You canceled first.
I canceled first, and I have canceled more. You have canceled.

Speaker 1 I'm more wrong. Okay, but you know the game tag where you tag and then you run away, right? I didn't start the game tag.

Speaker 1 You did. I fully take responsibility

Speaker 1 for canceling. Okay.
And then let me ask you this.

Speaker 1 But I believe if I had not canceled first,

Speaker 1 you would have canceled. That's correct.
That's what you believe. It is my belief.
I'll go, okay. It's my belief.
It's a belief system, yeah. You are the cancel king.
You cancel kind of.

Speaker 1 But we both can. By the way, the funniest thing ever is when me and Bobby are both on a lineup and neither one of us goes.
All the time. Happens all the time.
That is very funny.

Speaker 1 I get a call from the producer going, I had Tim and Bobby cancel. Are you around?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 We never show up. A lot of times

Speaker 1 stuff happens. Yeah.
Well, sometimes I call you. Well,

Speaker 1 one time I called you and I go, are you going? And you go, I'm not going. I go, I'm not going either.
Yeah. That one time.
You both do that a lot.

Speaker 1 One time I sent him a COVID test.

Speaker 1 I'd sent him a photo of a covet yeah yeah yeah of the covet by the way years after covet years years many years many years like people had the young kids didn't even know what it was i was sending him a picture of the covet lines but he didn't send the promoter that test but i did so he goes he said that i had covet to the guy right but then i actually sent him the test the test that he gave me to him right brilliant right saying that i have it right so he it makes him look like he didn't have it correct yeah right yeah good move bob i mean

Speaker 1 you know. Yeah.
But the thing is, me and Bobby will lie and then get found out. And then we don't care that much.
Well, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 We don't care. We don't really care.
We don't know. So it's, you know,

Speaker 1 no one's going to get that mad. That's the problem.
It doesn't matter. But we're being used.
That's right. We are.
It feels like we're being used. It's like some guy that never said hi to me before.

Speaker 1 Yeah. He's like, hey, can you do my show? Yeah, you'll put me on the flyer.
Right. That's why.
And they'll use your name to sell tickets. Right.
So then I don't show up. Right.

Speaker 1 I don't like being. One promoter, and I'm not going to say who.
Can I guess? You can guess after I've said this. Okay.

Speaker 1 One promoter literally said, I can't pay anyone tonight because my father has Alzheimer's.

Speaker 1 I swear to God.

Speaker 1 And then that person said, that was the way. And I was like, okay, I guess.

Speaker 1 God damn. Well, yeah.
Have you canceled? You cancel.

Speaker 1 There's times I have to cancel. Why? If I'm just like, if I just can't make it, if we're doing too many pods and all this bullshit, it's like, I'm never going to make it.

Speaker 1 You'll cancel because you're tired.

Speaker 1 True. Yep.

Speaker 1 Every now and then, Emily at the store will call me. She'll go, are you close? And I'm at Nobu Malibu and I have a tuna roll in my mouth.
You're not that far. You're that far.
I go, oh, ah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm right down sunset.

Speaker 1 You're the most nightmarish person to follow. That's not true.
Yeah. 100%.
It's very nice of you. I've heard you say this before, and I really appreciate it.
I've texted Emily that.

Speaker 1 That's very nice of you.

Speaker 1 But I feel that way about you. I hate going up after you.
When you're on, dude, it's unfollowable. Well, that's something.
Because you're off.

Speaker 1 When you're off, I like it. But when you're on, dude, oh my God.
When I'm off, I'm off. But if I'm on, it's good.
But you're funnier when you're off. Because you get angry.

Speaker 1 By the way, I agree with you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I agree with you.

Speaker 1 But I love you. I feel like we have a similarity in that sense.
Just energy-wise. Yes.
Yeah. Because sometimes we don't want to do it.
What's going on? No, I'm listening. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I do enjoy it. What's going on, dude? Sometimes we don't want to do it.
And we have shorts or sweatpants on, and we're on stage, and we're angry that the audience came.

Speaker 1 I know, I know, and that's the best time. You're moody girls, you're both moody little girls.
Also, he also contemplates things afterwards sometimes, yes, so he'll go, Maybe I should open my own club.

Speaker 1 Remember that one time, yes, guys.

Speaker 1 That's what you call it on having my mental illness, yeah, yeah, yeah, a full mental break, you know, because he was trying new stuff, and you know what I mean. It was, you know,

Speaker 1 I get you, the main room can be packed, just wasn't working, there's a pressure, sure, right? And so, Tim's the only comic that's tri-coastal. Tim moved, Tim moved to fucking

Speaker 1 moved to Austin for seven minutes, came back, moved back to New York, came back, went back to New York, bought a house again in New York, bought a house here, sold a house in Austin.

Speaker 1 Right, you had a Hamptons thing, right? Yeah, yeah. Got one out there still.
Still? Well, we're opening the mothership Hamptons,

Speaker 1 which is coming up, and it's very exciting.

Speaker 1 Got to get out there. I'm trying to get Joe to do Mothership Vegas.
That would make more sense.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't we be all happy? That would be great. That's great.
Mothership Great. Vegas would be great.
I'll move there. There's really no club where we can go, is there? In Vegas?

Speaker 1 I mean, there's a millions of clubs, right? But it's like where I'm going to feel like, oh, I want to go there twice or three times a year.

Speaker 1 There's

Speaker 1 a lot of people who are going to be a big week. There used to be this thing called Playboy Comedy.
And you'd want to go because it was a simple gig. Sometimes it's just one show a night.

Speaker 1 Friday, Saturday. Steve Byrne was doing it? No, it was Ahmed Ahmed.
Oh, yeah. And what's that little?

Speaker 1 His partner. What's his JJ? Jay Davis? Jay Davis.
Jay Davis used to have it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I heard about this. I never was privy to this.
Playboy Comedy Room in Vegas, but it closed down, right? Yeah, it was at the Palms. It was the best.
Anyway.

Speaker 1 Now there's... No, there's a bunch of clubs out there, but you're going to go and you're probably going to dip into a theater is the problem.
No. You'd want to play a club there?

Speaker 1 You guys are theater guys. I'm a club guy.
Yeah, right. You're a fucking theater.
What do you do? Are you a theater guy or a club guy? I like them both. Okay.
Just depends on, you know.

Speaker 1 I like them both. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What's up with your nose right now, dude? I don't know. It's like I had like a thing.
I'm having like a thing. What do you mean? Like allergic reaction.
He's looking at his nose, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is. It doesn't even look real.
No, I know. It's like a red.
I've had like an allergic reaction to something. I don't know what it is.
You got to change your face wash, Tim.

Speaker 1 I know. I've been telling you that for years.
What's that? The glasses and the nose thing that you get at novelty shops? Yeah. It's like a modern version of that.
I know. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 I was on a medication and I had a reaction to it. Like you get your glasses.
Antibiotics. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, keep them on. Keep them on.
See?

Speaker 1 That's why I'm wearing them. Better with them on.
Yeah. That's why I'm wearing them.
So are you in town for a while? I love, first of all, you have the best parties. The parties are decent.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable. You go to those parties? Yeah, of course.
Yeah. They're the best.
Your parties are the best. Well, I go to the parties.
You're there for five seconds. I know.
You leave.

Speaker 1 I know, but I love just coming in and out. But my godson met you, and he is Chinese and loved you.
It was a big night for him. Oh, that's what we were gods on? Was the Chinese kids? Yeah.

Speaker 1 The little Chinese baby. Yeah, yeah, it was a beautiful detection.
That is the funniest part about Tim's parties. You'll see a TikTok star and a little Chinese baby all in the living room together.

Speaker 1 Caitlin Jenner for no reason. Yeah.
Yeah. Pops on the bottom.
How do you know her?

Speaker 1 You know, we're both patriots.

Speaker 1 We love the country. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We love America. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I like her. I'm fascinated by her.
I think she's got an amazing American life. Yeah, yeah, she does.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Amazing American life.

Speaker 1 There's very few countries you can do what she did.

Speaker 1 Think about it. Well, explain it to us.
Well,

Speaker 1 let's say we're from a European nation. Yeah.
All right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's Cyprus? Is that one? It's probably more likely that we're from an Eastern European country. We're from an Eastern, like maybe like on the border of Russia and China.

Speaker 1 So we kind of look, you know what I mean, Asian, maybe, and some people look white. It's very difficult to be born a guy, become an Olympian, become the spokesman for Weedies,

Speaker 1 marry a woman whose husband defended another athlete who murdered his wife. Yeah.
Then have a bunch of stepdaughters. One of them does a sex tape.

Speaker 1 They all become billionaires, the most famous people in the world. You then decide that actually you were a woman this entire time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You get surgery to become a woman and then decide that the only way to save America is to elect Donald Trump. That's right.
Wow. That's a pretty American story.
American life.

Speaker 1 And then become a female of the year on Vanity Fair. Yeah.
That's right. And then also kill someone somewhere in between.
And then kill a woman in Malibu with your truck, right?

Speaker 1 Did you really do that? Yeah. Yeah.
She killed a lady.

Speaker 1 Is that real, though? Unintentionally. Unintentionally.
It's an accident. There it is.
There it is. And when was that? In Malibu.
It was a couple years ago.

Speaker 1 I mean, right, it was mid-transition, right? That's right.

Speaker 1 She was... 2015.
I'll tell you, that sped up the transition. She was on focus.

Speaker 1 You got to finish the job at that point. She was on focus.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, didn't Brandy kill somebody too? Yeah, Brandy killed someone in a car accident. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then she kind of disappeared after that. Because she didn't transition.
Oh, is that what it is? You get one. Yeah.
I think you get one car accident.

Speaker 1 If there's a certain level of fame, you need to kill one person in a car. Yeah.
That is true. True.
Well, let's go through the.

Speaker 1 Another guy. Would you know anybody? I know.
That's killed someone in a car. A celebrity.
No, well, yes, I do. What? Yes, I do.
Who? Uh, uh, um,

Speaker 1 uh, Ferris Bueller, yeah, that's who. I was thinking, yeah, he killed with Molly Ringwald, right?

Speaker 1 In England, in England, in England, when they were like 17, yeah, yeah, and then and then Laura Bush, George W. Bush's wife.
Wow, really? Someone in a car. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Uh, uh, another Bush, Ted Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, Ted Kennedy, killed someone in a bunch of people. He killed somebody.
How about this?

Speaker 1 Another Bush, different family, the Anheuser-Busch son, Augie Bush, maybe, killed a guy in college, D-U-I. And the Sonny Bono

Speaker 1 got killed by a tree. That's right.
That's right. You remember that?

Speaker 1 If I was killed by like a really rich person, let me tell you how easy it would have been to get my parents to not press charge.

Speaker 1 Let me explain how easy that would have been. It would have been a five-minute conversation.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, yeah.
They would have sent, like, not even their top people, they would have sent some very low-level attorneys to my parents' house in Long Island.

Speaker 1 My parents, they would have just said, listen, we can kind of, we can, you know,

Speaker 1 we can mitigate this. We can make it go away.

Speaker 1 And they would have said, we think you deserve like $44,000.

Speaker 1 My mother and father would have lit up. They would have said, can we do 50? And they would have said, absolutely.

Speaker 1 And they would have given them 50 grand. And my mother and father would have dropped the case.
100%. Immediately.
Wow, wow, wow. Especially because

Speaker 1 you were such an asshole. You were such a troublemaker when you were a kid.
Well, listen, I'm from them. They were troublemakers.
But the problem is, in 1997, 50 Gs, it's real money. Real money.

Speaker 1 Pay off the house. It's real money.
My parents were so immigrant, they wouldn't even know the rules. Right.
They're like, oh, he died?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he died. Good.
No, not good.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 Right? There'd be an oh, no. One, oh, no.
Yeah, yeah. That's also what my parents would have said.

Speaker 1 My parents would have also said, oh, no.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Asian accent said that. But they assume it was your fault.
Oh, yeah. And even if they offered them money, my parents wouldn't understand.

Speaker 1 They'd be like, Um, well, 44,000, and my dad would be like, I don't have, yeah, right, right, I don't have a portable, they end up making your daddy, right?

Speaker 1 And they're like, well, well, then we'll see you later. Okay, bye.
And then my dad would feel like he got one, you know what I mean? Yeah, he won. He won one.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got, we had to pay 44, we didn't have to, you know. You're allowed to, yeah, so a certain level of fame, I guess.
Who's at the cusp that got washed away then?

Speaker 1 Who's killed someone that never returned? Who never made it back? I don't know. Who never made it back? Just kill or driving.
Well, look at what is this going to do to what's his name?

Speaker 1 To

Speaker 1 who? Alec Baldwin? Alec Baldwin. He's fine.
He went to court. He got acquitted.
He did? Yeah, I think he was kind of on the back nine anyway. So he's done now? No, well.
Yeah, he is.

Speaker 1 He's probably done. He's done.
He's done.

Speaker 1 No more court. But he's so famous.
I know, but he didn't do anything. Yeah, he killed a lady.
I doubt it. I know.
Shot a woman. I know, but I mean...
I get it. You're on set.
You're like, you think.

Speaker 1 You know why you're doing this? He's doing this because one day this accident could easily happen to him. Oh, yeah.
Oh, really? You fucking around on a set, and I could easily see this.

Speaker 1 I could do it with a machete, I think. You break all the rules.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Bobby, please be careful with this. The thing about Alec Baldwin is afterwards,

Speaker 1 just what he didn't, and I like him, and he's a great guy. I did his podcast.
I think he didn't seem super remorseful.

Speaker 1 That was the problem. I think he had to turn on the remorse like a little more.
Yeah. Like he, he was kind of like agitated by the whole thing.
Right. He was like frustrated.

Speaker 1 Like he was kind of like, what is this?

Speaker 1 That was his attitude. Like, he'd shot the woman in the head.
And then his attitude was like, what's, hey,

Speaker 1 what the hell's going on here?

Speaker 1 On set, you think he did that? That and

Speaker 1 publicly known. Yeah, they were like, you shot a woman and he goes, he was like, listen.

Speaker 1 You know, like, that's, and that was the energy. Right, right, right.
The interview started with listen. I think he said, listen.
No, he did. Like, accidents happen on set.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And they're putting that woman away, that armorer. Yeah, they, she's going to prison.
Good. Yeah, she's going to prison.
The woman that supplied the gun. Oh.

Speaker 1 She goes to prison. Does the movie come out ever? No.
No chance. I'm Rust.
Huh? They finished the movie. Yeah, but does it come out? It's got to come out.
I hope it comes out.

Speaker 1 I just got Kessen

Speaker 1 Rust 2. What?

Speaker 1 I just got Kess and Rust 2. Really? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's got to come out.

Speaker 1 You should have made up artists in the head.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's coming out in 2024 at the end of the day. Whoa.
You think it'll it'll do good numbers? Huge.

Speaker 1 Huge. I'd watch it.
I'll watch it. I definitely want to see the scene.
They left it in there, didn't they? Oh, that's

Speaker 1 the scene. He shoots her in the scene, right? They should have a little thing.
No, no, no, no, no. It was obviously.
No, no, but wasn't he practicing a scene?

Speaker 1 They were doing it. They were doing it.
They got to leave that scene in. Yeah, that's what I mean.
Yeah, you got to leave that scene. I think he meant would they leave him?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, that's kind of a brilliant marketing, but kind of insensitive. What if they did that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but they're doing a walkthrough of a scene. By By the way, please, God, please do,

Speaker 1 when this gets released, please, in very poor taste, do at the end, in Memoriam, and then her face.

Speaker 1 Please do a very poor taste, just to prove that Hollywood is still Hollywood.

Speaker 1 At the end, do In Memoriam and then go,

Speaker 1 don't even say her name. What did she do again? What was she? She was a cinematographer.
She was the DP, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I saw Christopher Reeves.

Speaker 1 There's a new Christopher Reeves documentary coming out, and the kids, his kid children made it. And apparently, it's really good.
Their story. But, so there was a, what, their story? You're right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but there was a, it's like a footage of him at the Academy Words like a year later. And he comes out on the stage.

Speaker 1 And the audience are just, they're trying to be, you know, emotional and be supportive. But there's also some people are like in a horror.
Why? Like, I saw Brad Pitt kind of go.

Speaker 1 He goes, I'll tell you why. Why? Brad Pitts going, I've been on a horse.
Yeah. Oh, right.
What if that happened to me? That's it. Yeah.
Brad Pittsburgh. The audience looks kind of like,

Speaker 1 like this.

Speaker 1 That is kind of wild. That picture.
Zoom into that photo. That kind of looks like a Madame Toussaux.

Speaker 1 You sure that's real? That seriously looks like a Madame Toussaux. It is.
Oh, so put on like football gear or something. I mean, because the football gear?

Speaker 1 You want him to come out dressed like a... No, but what I'm saying is the, because

Speaker 1 the body is withered. Got it.
Yeah. So put on some, I get it, like baggy rap.
Bulk him up. Bulk him up.

Speaker 1 Like a wrap-out. I mean, he's just like, you know what I mean? Talk about Bobby Lee, the costumer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So just, that was costume design.
Hydro.

Speaker 1 I got it. You? They gave me one.
I got one at the house. I love it so very much.
It's incredible. And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced.
Well, what is it? What is it?

Speaker 1 Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 1 How ultimate is it? You may ask. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running.
Just 20 minutes. all it takes to feel the results.
And this is true.

Speaker 1 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers.
The old ways are gone.

Speaker 1 Hydro's newest rower, the Hydro Arc, delivers such powerful results. GQ magazine named it the best rower of 2025, and I agree.
You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today. We should get you one.

Speaker 1 Head over to hydro.com and use code Bad Friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season. That's hydro.
H-Y-D-R-O-W dot com.

Speaker 1 Code, of course, is Bad Friends to save up to $600.

Speaker 1 Hydro.com, code is Bad Friends. Bad Friends.
I'm putting some padding. Yeah.
I would just put some padding in. You Superman.
Bulk him up. Yeah, bulk him up, Dad.

Speaker 1 Well, it would be kind of tight if he did have a Superman shirt underneath the suit. That would have been the crest.
Right. That'd be the move.

Speaker 1 Wait, so his kids are making a doc about him right now?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And when does this come out?

Speaker 1 Soon. Look at the hands.
Okay, anyway. Was he ever unparalyzed? No.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Not so super, huh? Like, did he ever, did it ever get better? No, he got worse and worse. So, sadly, I got better.

Speaker 1 Sadly, no, it's he, it was a really awful, it's awful, awful, spinal cord injuries, and it was from a horse.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know why you asked that.

Speaker 1 Well, no, I

Speaker 1 don't remember it. A horsey did it.
No, did the horsey? No, I don't think they call it a horsey.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 that horsey ruined someone's ability to walk. Yeah, you think the horsey got in trouble? I think that horse is glue now.
Okay, sadly, that horse is gone. It lives with Whitney Cummings.

Speaker 1 Whitney has it. Whitney's got it.
Whitney would show it to you. She'd go, this is Christopher Reeves' horse.

Speaker 1 She'd go, this is the horse that killed Christopher Reeve.

Speaker 1 And they were going to kill it, but I decided it should come here and watch me do makeup tutorials on Instagram Live. Yeah, because she has knickknacks.
That's right. On the shelves and stuff.

Speaker 1 He has that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that's interesting. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She would have the thing that killed an American, that hurt an American hero. That would be, she would take pride in it.
Yeah, like, you know, like the body of Bubbles, like Michael Jackson's. Right.

Speaker 1 She definitely has bubbles stuffed, his monkey in a room. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 This was Bubbles' pacifier. Do you know that? Born in 1983.

Speaker 1 This was such a polarizing thing when he would walk around with this monkey. He's from Austin.
Bubbles? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. You can see him at the mothership this weekend on Kill Tony.

Speaker 1 Bubbles will be there.

Speaker 1 How long did Bubbles live? Give it up for the great Bubbles. Huh? He's alive still.
Yeah, you better believe he's 20. Is Bubbles literally still alive?

Speaker 1 Wow. He's 40 years old.

Speaker 1 Wow. No, 40.
It says 1983 he was born.

Speaker 1 He's at the Center for Great Apes. That was the craziest Google.
Bubbles Now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I knew Google would have.

Speaker 1 Despite the fact that he is very photogenic, Bubbles is difficult to photograph because he does not like the camera. Often will turn his back when he sees a camera.
Well, Bubbles knows.

Speaker 1 The camera's the one that causes all the problems. That's exactly right.
That's where the pain begins. Bubbles knows.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, Bubbles could have gone chimp crazy like the Rock documentary. You watched it? You see it? Chimp Crazy? I haven't seen it yet.
Fantastic. It's fantastic.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And how about a chimp who loses it?

Speaker 1 It's about a group of people who are in the

Speaker 1 chimp industry, and it focuses what you would think was supposed to be on an original lady, but it ends up being about this woman right here. This lady is and her involvement in the chimp chimp trade.

Speaker 1 What is the chimp industry? Oh, dude. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 What do you think it is, Tim? Exotic animals? People.

Speaker 1 In the state of Missouri, there is no exotic animal ban law. So in Missouri, you can buy, sell, and trade exotic animals that are on the banned list in most places.

Speaker 1 But did you notice in the documentary,

Speaker 1 she has the little ones too. She's got them all.
Right. Spider-Man.
But still, they're deep, like the coveted thing is chimp. Right.
They can have 50 of the little guys, right?

Speaker 1 But they're like dreaming of chimp. Right.
Chimp, the biggest one you can have? No. Gorilla.
You can get a gorilla?

Speaker 1 No, you can't, but I'm seeing, I'm sure that's the biggest word, that's the hope, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I think they can, I seriously, I think they can have any, you can you can have a gorilla, there's no way you can have a look at that. What's the largest uh exotic animal

Speaker 1 you can purchase in America on the documentary? They talk they show you one of these like exotic animal auctions. People buy the wildest fucking shit.

Speaker 1 You know, like you've ever seen those like chics that have like

Speaker 1 white tigers in their fucking kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was in a house in Beverly Hills, supposedly there was a guy who had a couple of tigers in the backyard.

Speaker 1 Some incredible Pretty fucking cool. But in the documentary.
Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1 In the documentary, though, they show past incidences, like famous incidences with chimpanzees. And you notice when the chimp, because they never leave the house and they're in a cage.

Speaker 1 They're supposed to, right? They're supposed to be around. And then one of them, right, for like a year would just be sitting there like rocking, rocking back and forth, right?

Speaker 1 What do you do at that point?

Speaker 1 You got to shoot it. No, no, no, no.
You got to shoot it.

Speaker 1 I'm a chim. It's going to kill you.

Speaker 1 Am I doing a good job? Yeah, that looks like it.

Speaker 1 Why would you have a chimp and just have it sit in the cage and do that? It's kind of disturbing. Well, psychologically, what they kind of break down in this is.
That's not even impressive. No.

Speaker 1 If I went to your house and I saw like an animal doing this. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not, yeah. I'm like, that's not really that cold.
No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got to get my Uber. You have a fentlamony.

Speaker 1 They talk about in the thing, they talk about the psychology of these, these women who fall in love. They think that they value them more than their own children because she says it in there.

Speaker 1 She goes, a baby only needs you for so long. The chimp needs to be for you.
That's what it is. The chimp needs you for life.

Speaker 1 It's a baby that's a baby forever. Forever.

Speaker 1 They have the needs of a baby. And they never grow.
Even when they're 40, they don't grow out of those instinct needs of you. But

Speaker 1 if they don't get to play with other monkeys at some point, that's it. Yeah, that's it.
That's it. So these are women who want to have a baby forever so they get a chimp.

Speaker 1 And they have babies of their own, but after like three or four years, they're like, well, the kids even say there's kids interviewed in the documentary, they're like, she doesn't fucking love us.

Speaker 1 There's no way any of these women are good mothers. Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no. There's no way like their kids are like, she was an amazing mom

Speaker 1 and also had this chimp.

Speaker 1 No way.

Speaker 1 Something broken. Something broke.
Yeah, something broke. Something broke.
Yeah, they talk about the kid.

Speaker 1 They interview some of the kids, and they have to, unfortunately, on camera, passively go, no, yeah, no, she, she, she, she did a good job raising us. She just loves, she loves her chimps.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I mean, you can see the sadness in the through line. It's right.
It's a, the documentary is fantastic. Does the does did any of the chimps act out violently? Oh, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I mean, they show you some footage on there. It's wild.
There's one that I had to pause and walk away and go, that's, I can't do this.

Speaker 1 Well, you'll remember when we were kids, famously, one of the women went on Oprah because her face was what happens. Her face was taken, removed.

Speaker 1 She went on. Look at the picture of the chimp attack woman, Oprah.
Yeah, that's the. Is that her? Yeah.
Yeah. She went on Oprah and she had to wear a veil.
Tim, you would love this for your new show.

Speaker 1 I got to be honest. Not only would I love her for the show, but I don't think she looks that bad.
No, she doesn't. It's not bad.
She actually doesn't look that bad.

Speaker 1 By the way, there are people in LA walking around that look exactly.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Beverly Ellis.
I've lived here long enough where that doesn't shock me at all. An old gypsy woman with one eye.
That shocks no one. That shocks no one.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've seen that too, I guess.

Speaker 1 Look at her up on a chimp woman on Oprah. She had to wear a veil, and then Oprah, that's the funniest clip.
They use it in the movie. Oprah goes, Can we lift up the veil? Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Can we lift up the veil? That's bad. That's pretty bad, dude.
That's a rough one. Yeah, it's tough.
Now, wait a minute. Is that Oprah? Which one? Who's that?

Speaker 1 That's Oprah, Tim. What the fuck? That's Oprah.
I don't mean, is that done? I don't know before the money.

Speaker 1 By the way, that's almost no thought being put into that veil.

Speaker 1 All she should think about is the veil. I know.
It makes it more ominous almost yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 this looks like the batman villain well this is a perfect like this is an islam like go with that go with

Speaker 1 time to start thinking about it yeah you think just where i'm just oh just convert to muslim you convert immediately that's actually smart the documentary though it does something

Speaker 1 it's so powerful the way it tells this this story because i'm not giving anything away but the guy who's making it

Speaker 1 there it is the guy who's making it can't really make it they have to like go incognito while they're making it. Why? It's brilliant.
Because he's a known figure. Because he directed Tiger King.

Speaker 1 Tiger King. Oh.
Right.

Speaker 1 And then when he asked the lady, can I do it? And they're like, I don't want to work with you. Nobody in the chim community likes this guy because he's exposed the exotic animal community.

Speaker 1 So he'd hired an actor to act as the director. It's fascinating.
It's fascinating. It's amazing.
They did such a great job. It's a great job, baby.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to see characters like this on your show, and that's a perfect transition because I do want to talk about it. Tim's got a new show on Netflix.
Yeah, we're excited about it.

Speaker 1 We're trying to get people like this who don't have faces.

Speaker 1 What is it? And I watched it. Well, this is your country.
Oh, this is the talk show. Yeah, it's the talk show.
We're trying to bring back like a Jerry Springer type concept.

Speaker 1 You know, this was my senior ditch day in high school. We went to Jerry Springer.
That's awesome. Was it in Connecticut? No, in Chicago.
He came out of Chicago. He was out of Chicago.
That's awesome.

Speaker 1 We did a senior ditch day and went down there.

Speaker 1 Dude, I loved Jerry Springer so much in high school because it was... It was a perfect world of comedy.
It was pure comedy. Yeah.
And it's comedy on purpose where

Speaker 1 people are taking it serious, but you're like, Do you not understand that this is no? I think it's funny.

Speaker 1 It's like it's also ends up those shows end up being weirdly a better satire of America than the daily show 100% because, like, this is what we got. These are the voters, these are the people.

Speaker 1 This is who's out there, these are all real people. These are no scripts, they're not actors.
They came on, we did like 20-25 minutes with each group.

Speaker 1 We edited it down because, like, you got to get, you know, like, because a lot of people that aren't accustomed to being on TV will just drone on for hours about something, so you got to edit it down to like, but it's amazing.

Speaker 1 I mean, can can we show the trailer? Absolutely. Before you do, can I ask you a favor? Sure.

Speaker 1 Could I please, you know how in

Speaker 1 what's his name?

Speaker 1 Just breathe. That's okay.
I'm very emotional about it. Yeah, what's going on? I just want to be like a handler.
Come, be a handler. You're like, I bring guests on stage.
I don't say much.

Speaker 1 You know, you're like, you know, like Steve. You've Steve Wilkes.
Yes, Tele Wilkes. That's what I want to do.
You'll be security. Yeah, but I'll be security.
Making him security is so fucking good.

Speaker 1 We want security.

Speaker 1 The idea would be security that runs away.

Speaker 1 I just want cowards.

Speaker 1 I got to be your main thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We want people running away.

Speaker 1 You never enjoyed it. By the way, nothing is better than if a melee brawl starts and me and you run away out of this.
Yeah, it would be the greatest

Speaker 1 ever. Just run away.
You don't even have to pay me. Let me do it, please.
Oh, absolutely. Okay, cool.
Thank you. All right, let's see it.
I do want to watch it again. It's fantastic.

Speaker 1 You're here to confess to your girlfriend that you used to do porn.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The music.

Speaker 1 Hello, pigs. I think we can all agree to be the rotting corpse of an empire and we live in hell.

Speaker 1 Your husband brought you here today because he wants to confess something. Wait a minute, wait a minute, hold on.
Let's talk to the food poison, drug-addicted, sex criminals who live here.

Speaker 1 You can play Minecraft Fortnite. I've never met a more hatable person.
How do you think she's gonna react when you tell her? What? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait a second.
No.

Speaker 1 Are you insane?

Speaker 1 Do we pop it up? We pop it up. Do we pop it up?

Speaker 1 Kidding me, all three years I gotta deal with you. Since I was a child, I don't know any life that's not like this.
Oh, this. Oh, shut the f up.

Speaker 1 This is what America's about.

Speaker 1 The Unibomber wants to say,

Speaker 1 bring out the BBL.

Speaker 1 My name is Tim Gillen, and regrettably, this is your country.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 We had some homeless people, I think, in the audience, because we shot it in Van Nuys, and we just, people like came out of tents and got Central Castle, right? It was great. Yeah.
It's so funny.

Speaker 1 You've done one episode. We've done one.
We're putting it out, and we're super excited.

Speaker 1 We didn't know what was going to, it was a weird thing because they wanted us to do something like political. And I was like, it's boring.

Speaker 1 It's just boring going to a political convention. Nobody's going to ever do it better than Triumph.
Nobody's going to ever do the daily show better than Jon Stewart.

Speaker 1 No one's going to, like, everybody, you know, so I said, maybe we'll bring back something people haven't seen in a while and it'll just be silly.

Speaker 1 And like, our dream, we have dream ones that we couldn't get, but like our dream segments are like, my husband said he was at January 6th, but he was just cheating on me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. My sugar daddy's going to cut off my Ozampic and I'm scared of what I'll eat.

Speaker 1 Things like that. Like we have dream ones where like we want to put things out into the universe and get these people.
Yeah. But I didn't see any violence.
There's no real violence because

Speaker 1 the people there,

Speaker 1 there is arguments and there is anger. Yeah.
But violence is harder to get to. And a lot of the Jerry violence, I think some of it was staged.
There was a lot of it was staged.

Speaker 1 And none of this is staged. So the reality is it's like, our hope is that if we get more episodes, there is violence naturally.
We hope for there needs to be violence.

Speaker 1 The hope is that we're going to get violence. But we have, we're now, we learned a lot doing it.

Speaker 1 We've made some mistakes and then corrected them so that we had two shoots, we figured it all out, and then like, we're going to try to get, you know, if we keep doing it, like, we'd love to get some people that really are going to attack each other

Speaker 1 while me and you run out of it.

Speaker 1 Jerry Springer did turn into this fake fight show, which I think was kind of partially the demise of the show because it organically was so wild.

Speaker 1 It's got to be organic. Somebody's got to really want to fight.
Yeah. I don't want

Speaker 1 somebody's got to want to fight, but there are like we have a guy confessing he lost a lot of money to his wife with crypto.

Speaker 1 We have people like, you know, we have all kinds of stuff going on that's interesting. Guys saying, I used to be a porn star.
Yeah. Chick.

Speaker 1 Like, and these are all real things, but like nobody slapped anybody else. But, you know, knock on wood, that could happen.
Yeah. I really hope it does.
That's the hope.

Speaker 1 My name is Yashi Toto for this. Yeah.
Yeah. He's still working on the character.
I'm working on the character, dude. I'm going to lose.

Speaker 1 No, it's me and you run out of the studio during a large fight, and then there's a kind of an older female security guard who is tasked with handling everything. Do you have this woman cast?

Speaker 1 No, but it would be hilarious.

Speaker 1 Like an older female security guard trying to get a handle on everything.

Speaker 1 Me and Bobby sprint out of the studio. Yeah, yeah.
Just run out. Yeah, yeah.
Let her deal with it. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hope this is a hit. I hope it is, too.
When's it come out? October 1st. October 1st.
October 1st.

Speaker 1 It'll be out on Netflix. You got to go watch it.
Yeah, we hope it should be fun. There's no chance it won't be successful.
I totally, yeah, it's fantastic.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm glad we did this and not, because they were like, go to the convention and talk to people. And I go, why? Yeah.

Speaker 1 20 people doing that. Yeah.
And then they were really cool. Netflix was awesome.
We said, we'd like to do this. And they said, okay, cool.
And left us alone.

Speaker 1 Because if you go to the convention and do the chat things, that's already on YouTube. There's like a dozen of those videos.
Everybody's doing that. You'll never beat YouTube.
It's fast. And

Speaker 1 it's already out. And it's going to be what's the point? Yeah.
There's nothing to be learned anymore about people's

Speaker 1 opinions about politics. The only thing that's left to be learned is like, how are people living?

Speaker 1 What are people doing? That's the more interesting element than why you like Trump or why you like Kamala. It's like,

Speaker 1 how do you earn money?

Speaker 1 How does your family dynamic work? Like, who do you hate and why? Would you take this to another state? And move it. I mean, shoot it in different places? I would shoot it wherever.
Absolutely.

Speaker 1 I think it would be interesting to

Speaker 1 shoot episodes in different spots.

Speaker 1 I know that's more expensive no no i agree with you because then you really get a gist of like the you know shoot it in nevada then you're in washington we flew these people in oh you did yeah from all over from all over okay right on because you know but we would i you know it depends on where they'd want to shoot it but i would shoot it wherever let's take these people that got flown in what's the what's what was the general spot that a lot of them came from we talking florida i'm trying to think there was colorado yeah there was florida gotta be florida how do you still admit to be on the show well we there was a casting call we're like do you are you this person?

Speaker 1 Do you want to reveal a thing? Do you want to do whatever? People do it. People are like, why would anyone go on that? I go, anyone will do anything.
Yeah, people want to do that.

Speaker 1 I love all this idea. People are like, why would anyone go on a show like that? You go, anyone will do anything.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? Are you crazy? Yeah, yeah. There's no value to dignity anymore in this country.
There's no economic value to it, and there's no emotional value.

Speaker 1 Like, you don't even sound good anymore if you tell someone you passed up on something and you go, I'm not going to go make a fool out of myself. No matter what it is, people go, man, I don't know.

Speaker 1 No matter what it is,

Speaker 1 it used to be like 20 years ago, you'd tell a guy at a bar, they want me to go make my family into a laughing stock and I'm not doing that. And the guy would go, good for you.

Speaker 1 Now the same guy goes, I don't know. I would have done that.

Speaker 1 There's not much left. There's no meat on the bone of it.

Speaker 1 So it's like, maybe something would have walked out and made it work out.

Speaker 1 What did you think you learned over the course of the show? What's the collective thought after seeing all these people do all this shit? What's like the one thing you took away from it?

Speaker 1 I think genuinely. Yeah, no, genuinely, what I took away was number one,

Speaker 1 how hard it is to do these types of shows. Yeah.
Because it's, it's, you don't have a script. You don't, you can't just re-edit, like go back and say, let's do it again.

Speaker 1 Like, that's not the way it works. Right.
If somebody's going to say something to someone else, they say it one time, you're doing it in front of a live audience. Right.

Speaker 1 So I had to learn how to be a talk show host. And because of my podcast, I do it by myself.
I just talk. Right.

Speaker 1 So for for me, it was like listening to people and then, and I would lose track of time, so I'd hear PC in, and they'd be like, all right, you've done 10 minutes with them.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, like, and I'd go, oh, okay, bring out the guests because there's always somebody we're bringing out. Right.
And a lot of times the people in the church don't know.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, you know, somebody's been listening backstage. And then we bring somebody else out.
So it's like, it was learning how to do all of that. And then me like

Speaker 1 appreciating Springer, Jenny Jones, Ricky Lake, Donahue, Maury,

Speaker 1 all those people who did shit like that, Sally Jesse,

Speaker 1 appreciating it and going, oh, that was not, it was not as easy as it looked. Right.
It's not. I mean, you have to be a host and you have to be kind of this,

Speaker 1 you're almost like a,

Speaker 1 you're almost manipulating them as you're telling the story with them. And those shows did it every single day all year.
We had one shot. We had two live shows Saturday and Sunday, and we edited them.

Speaker 1 You know, we shot 11 of these segments. We kept five.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it took a minute, but as we get better at it, we would be able to like, we would know. Now, I know more about like, okay, I understand why that segment.

Speaker 1 Some people say they have a problem with each other and then get on stage. They really don't.
Of course, they really don't. We would find that out when we did Bad Friends Live stuff.

Speaker 1 We'd find out, people would bail on a thing that we thought they were really committed to. We had a woman who's a QAnon mom, and the older producers were like, She's a nut.

Speaker 1 Wait till you hear what she says. She's crazy.
And then I brought her on stage and go, What's your craziest opinion? She goes, I like Trump. I go, all right, come on.

Speaker 1 Anything else? Wow. I'm like, are there tunnels underground? Like, give me something.
I'm just like, I'm pro-Second Amendment. I like Trump.

Speaker 1 And the LA producers were so crazy that they thought that was like the most confidential.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? They're like, wait till you hear what she says. And she's like, I just think Biden's too old.
And they're like, see,

Speaker 1 what a fucking nut job. And I'm like, oh, no, this isn't.
But we did find some people that were, it was really good. And there was some magic on it that happened where you're just in awe of it.

Speaker 1 Some shit went down where you do just stand back and go, what the fuck is happening? I love it. It's kind of wild.

Speaker 1 Well, the reason why this has legs is because there's two other comics that I can think of that had this, a daytime show.

Speaker 1 You know who they are? Well, I don't remember. No, I mean, probably.
Kirk Fox. Oh, yeah, Kirk did.
And Greg Barrent. Greg Barron.

Speaker 1 But the problem with those shows is that they try to be molded into a talk.

Speaker 1 They're playing a role.

Speaker 1 But you're yourself here. That's right, yeah.
That's why this is. Well, he's in on the joke.
Yeah, that's what it is. These guys were trying to, like, wow,

Speaker 1 you know, well, tell us, you know, they were just playing like some role.

Speaker 1 But we're basically like Netflix. We were talking to them and we go, we want to satirize like America.

Speaker 1 And then the idea was like, well, let's talk to political figures and everything. And I'm like, but that's not America.
No. So the Republican and Democrat conventions are not America.

Speaker 1 And then I thought about it and I was like, and me and my collaborator, Brian Frangie, really smart, good writer, uh we were like

Speaker 1 and i work with him on stuff but he produced co-producers we came up with the idea of basically going like why don't we just do like a talk show like we grew up with but with modern problems right

Speaker 1 i want to talk about joker 2 yeah well let's do it

Speaker 1 so by the way and i'll grew up let's make some news because i'll talk right about it and yeah yeah but tim was in joker too you guys know that i'll speak about it right now He plays a security.

Speaker 1 A lot of people, a lot of people are shitting on it in the press. Why? Why? They're panning on it.
I don't know why, but I'll tell you right now,

Speaker 1 I had suggestions.

Speaker 1 They were not followed by the director. Okay, okay.
By Joaquin? Yeah, yeah. By Gaga?

Speaker 1 So the reality was, I was a security guard. I had two or three lines.
Yep. I felt underutilized.

Speaker 1 I said, I will direct it.

Speaker 1 I said, I will direct it. Well, I will assistant direct it.
I don't know who that guy was. He did something with Pen Affleck.
I don't care.

Speaker 1 I would have done any of that.

Speaker 1 I would have done cinematography, which I didn't, I wasn't hugely clear on what exactly it entailed, but I knew that like I had a lot more to give that movie

Speaker 1 than any lines that it accepted from me. Right.

Speaker 1 Now, if it's a stunning success, I'm proud to be a part of it.

Speaker 1 But if it does fail, it is because they didn't utilize me in a proper way.

Speaker 1 But if it's a success, I am proud to be a part of it. But what was it like? Fails.
What was it like? Because I know your scene has Joaquin was in the scene, right? He was in the scene, right?

Speaker 1 So, what was that like? I didn't, I didn't learn the lines,

Speaker 1 yeah, because they always lie. The agent lies, and they go, they want you to be you and be funny, and they lie because they never want that.
Andrew's a great actor, and he does like the work of it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I showed up, and I'm like, I'm going to. Okay, too, yeah,

Speaker 1 both of you both of you but i he was the one i was he's white but what i was saying is thank you yeah yeah i showed up and i was like you know i didn't you didn't get the script ahead of time because they were they didn't want you to leak it oh i hate when they give you lines in the morning and i like read them real quick and i guess i should have drilled them a little more but they kept changing them And, you know, I was a bit nervous.

Speaker 1 And it's Joaquin. I've never done a scene in any movie in my life before.
This is the first scene in any movie I've ever done in my whole entire life. It's with Joaquin Foox.

Speaker 1 With Joaquin Foox and Brendan Gleason, who's

Speaker 1 a genius.

Speaker 1 So I'm like scared.

Speaker 1 Truly, truly terrified. Like, I'm not even kidding.
Like, I'm nervous in my trailer. I call my agent.
I don't even think I should be in this.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. I love that.
It's all fine. It's good.
Yeah. Okay.
Cause I'm out of my element. This is not what I do.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And, but I'm, listen, I like acting. I like challenges and whatever, but it's a tough one to start with.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of blocking in the scene. There's a book that I have to move across the table.

Speaker 1 There's lines, but like as I'm doing the lines, like the, you know, I have to look, like the director would come up to me and goes, listen, here's a scene. You say your first line.

Speaker 1 After you say your first line, you move your book, the book, you put your hands on the book. Don't block the title of the book.
Don't block the cover.

Speaker 1 Move it 70% across the desk.

Speaker 1 80%. It's at a frame.
Do you get that? Yeah. And I go, yes.
And you go, then you're going to look and Brendan, you're going to look at Brendan, but you're going to wait for him to say his line.

Speaker 1 After that, joaquin's going to pick up the phone at that point you wait one beat you say half of your line

Speaker 1 okay joaquin's gonna look at you he gives you a look acknowledges that you're there yeah and then you finish your second line yeah okay i don't know what and he would say this to me he'd go what the fuck is the problem here because he was being very like and i get it i respect him he's a great director yeah i like being yelled at and it was deserved yeah and but joaquin was like he's doing fine like joaquin would turn around to the director and go he's he's he's okay and i'm like i don't know i'm doing fine yeah But they would yell.

Speaker 1 So then there was like 80 people around you. We're on the universal lot, all the cameras.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And then they would go action. And I would go, I mean, I would fuck it up every which way.
One time, one time I was so nervous. I didn't even say the line.
Yeah. I just moved the book.

Speaker 1 I just moved the book and looked away. And the director starts going, why the fuck are you looking away?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.
He goes, just say the goddamn line. Does that make you even more nervous? Oh my.
Yeah, yeah. I can't imagine.
This was one of the worst experiences of my entire life.

Speaker 1 Except it was good at the end, I guess. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Did you sing?

Speaker 1 What? Did you sing? No, it's a musical. I should have.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I couldn't even speak.
So then he would come up to me. Sing.
He can't get through a fucking line in the book shit.

Speaker 1 So he'd go like this. But it was hard.
I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 I know it was. It's just his questioning is.

Speaker 1 But I get it.

Speaker 1 I apologize on it. No, but I should have sang.
Yeah, yeah. But the point is, I was there, and then I would do it again.
And then he would come up to me and go, okay. He'd go,

Speaker 1 he goes, listen, he goes, the line is actually this. And I said, and I'm not saying that.
He goes, no, you've never said that.

Speaker 1 You've never said the line. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Because you've actually never said this line.
And I said, he goes, so he goes, just forget it.

Speaker 1 He goes, just say, he goes, this, just sit close enough to it, you know? Yeah. And then eventually I got it and I did it, but it was very hard.
It's like hard to do.

Speaker 1 And I felt bad because, again, I'm not an expert and I felt bad. It's your first one.
What are the chances the scene does not make it? I didn't think it was going to be in it. Okay.
But is it?

Speaker 1 Do you know? It's in it. That's great.
That's great. Do we see a photo of you on the internet at all? I don't think.
I think maybe there's one little photo. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 I haven't seen the scene because it's not a pivotal scene, I don't think.

Speaker 1 Where is it? Yeah, that's

Speaker 1 yeah. It's with security guards.
Yeah. Yeah, it's with security guards.
But I didn't know if they were going to put it in, but they put it in because Todd said he got it at the end.

Speaker 1 He said it was good at the end. Zoom in.
Is that him?

Speaker 1 I don't know where I am. Where am I? There's Timmy.
There's Timmy. There's Timmy D.
Timmy D. And maybe, and you know what? I look like I'm doing acting there.
Yeah, that was.

Speaker 1 So I actually look like I'm doing acting. If I saw that photo, I was like, oh, that guy's a good actor.
No. And you know what?

Speaker 1 Maybe, literally, maybe I shouldn't have said anything because maybe my scene is great. I bet you it is.
I bet it is. Here's the problem.
It's shot so beautifully. We internalize it.

Speaker 1 Because Because the things that we're feeling and thinking, right, no one else feels your things. That's right.
But because it happens to us, right? It becomes a big thing.

Speaker 1 I think just because I wasn't saying the line or doing the blocking doesn't mean I was doing a bad job. Exactly.
No. I was.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was feeling. Yeah, yeah.
Because I was feeling it out. And that's what actors do.
Yeah. I'm like becoming the, you know, thing.

Speaker 1 How was this guy in the middle that's kind of Ricky Gervais looking? Was he good? Yeah, he was really. They're all really.
Here's the thing. I mean, Gleason's phenomenal.
They're all really good.

Speaker 1 All these actors in this film were excellent. And it's hard to be an actor because I was talking to them and like they just got out of COVID and they hadn't booked anything.

Speaker 1 And a lot of them were like, this is their big thing. One guy went out and got COVID and they had to get rid of him.
Wow. Jesus.
And this was like his thing. It was his time.

Speaker 1 I have a story that's kind of like this.

Speaker 1 Forget it.

Speaker 1 Forget it.

Speaker 1 Forget it. I said, forget, forget it.
I'm interested. No, no, forget it.
Forget it. Forget it.
I'm not even going to do it now. What is it? What's the fucking look for? That was rude.

Speaker 1 I was waiting for you to tell your story. No, you're like, how dare you interrupt this magical thing we got going on? Well, no, I mean, he is giving us some really great juicy shit.

Speaker 1 But no, let's hear the story. I don't want to know because it's not even that good now.
You have to. It's not even that good now.
Let's go back to the. No, we're not going to carry out Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 Thanksgiving was going to be good. I saw Thanksgiving.
You were great in that. Thanksgiving was good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanksgiving was really good.

Speaker 1 But this is.

Speaker 1 Tell your story. I'm not.
Thanksgiving was it? What movie was it that you had?

Speaker 1 Forget it. It's okay.
No, no, don't let it.

Speaker 1 When you did a bad acting job, what movie?

Speaker 1 It was pretty bad. Well, because that's what I'm, yeah, yeah.
So, anyway, and you, you know, that's all. Well, come on, tell your story for real.

Speaker 1 Well, cut it out then, because I don't think it's going to hit now. What? Tell it.

Speaker 1 If you're, if this can we do the segue again, then, yes, let's do it. Let's do the segue.
Well, you got, you remember what you were talking about? Anyway, yeah, so this and that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did you ever have any experience? No, I'm doing it. All right.
I get to do it. I didn't know.

Speaker 1 I'm very good at segueing. I know you're very good.
Oh, wow. So, yeah, Gleason.
Wow. Well, I have a story kind of like this.
What is that? What happened? That was so good. Yeah, thanks.

Speaker 1 And I wish that happened before. No.

Speaker 1 Don't you wish it? Have you ever had an experience that's similar to mine? It's over, Tim. What is the experience? What happened? Well, I was in the movie The Dictator.
Yeah, we remember. Great film.

Speaker 1 Beautiful. Playing Kim Jong-un.
No, I wasn't playing Kim Jong-un. No? No, no, no.
No, I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Already now? Yeah. This is what's going to happen.
That's not Kim Jong-un. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's not Kim Jong-un.

Speaker 1 right

Speaker 1 so i have this right so i have a couple of scenes in this movie okay

Speaker 1 and i have you know my that's my wife in the movie

Speaker 1 dude i'm handsome you look really good dude i look so good you really do yeah yeah yeah so there's a scene where i'm walking out of a bathroom with ed norton yeah and i just blew ed norton in the bathroom okay right and so um larry charles and sasha are on set and they're like all right bobby you're gonna walk out first right you're gonna hit the mark right turn around right and then he's going to come from behind you.

Speaker 1 And this whole thing, I have to memorize this whole thing, right? Just like yours. That's why I'm saying this story, right? Hard.
So I'm like kind of panicking. And I'm doing the best I can.

Speaker 1 I'm going, okay, he's going to hit the mark, turn left, say the line, this and that. And he's going to walk this way, right? So me and Ed go into the bathroom.

Speaker 1 And he goes, Ed Norton goes, nah, we're not doing that way.

Speaker 1 I go, he goes, I'm going to go out first.

Speaker 1 And I go, what?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And I'm, so, you know, I know he said to say that.
I think it's better if I say this, then you turn around and you do that. You know what I mean? And he he changed the whole fucking thing.

Speaker 1 And now in my mind, I'm like, oh, fuck, whose idea do I do? Right. Do I do Ed Norton's or Larry, the director's? In your head, you're like, the director.
Right.

Speaker 1 Even though he's a star, right? So that I said something, this is the smartest thing I've ever done. I went, you know what, dude?

Speaker 1 I love that. That's fucking great.
Let's do it Larry's way first. And the second tape, we'll do it your way.
And he kind of thought about it and he goes, all right, man.

Speaker 1 He'll hate you forever now. Why?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you don't step on Ed Nort.

Speaker 1 Wait. Fight Club?

Speaker 1 What? You're going to step on Fight Club? Are you fucking out of your fucking mind right now? Shouldn't have done it.

Speaker 1 It was incredibly disrespectful to Ed Norton.

Speaker 1 Are you fucking joking me with me right now, dude? Yeah, fucker. Yes.
Relax. All right.
Jesus Christ, you're getting so caught up. Yeah, Yeah, that scene.

Speaker 1 He's handsome. Yeah, he's very handsome.
That is really, but it's an interesting note, though, that he told you he wanted to go out first. You think that has to do with, is that star shit? Yes.

Speaker 1 It could have been. Is that star shit?

Speaker 1 He's also an actor's actor, right? I know, but that's also some star shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, Tom Cruise will say that often, that people, it'll be written a certain way, and he'll often be like, no, no, no, I want to be in the front of the line.

Speaker 1 Joaquin would do stuff like that on set because, you know, he'd go, I'd like it to go there. I'd think this way.
And he's a genius. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's like, yes probably our greatest greatest living actors top five he's in there i mean him it's gotta be daniel delewis let's go through the list daniel de lewis right that joaquin phoenix joaquin right uh um kevin james kevin james we bought a zero that's great that's great

Speaker 1 what would happen if someone yeah kevin james

Speaker 1 yes um who's the you know it's good kevin james right ready governors comedy club in long island i'm headlining my first time yeah the owner of governors great guy love him Jimmy, comes back to me, Italian guy, swag, comes back, he goes, listen, he goes, Kevin James is doing his new TV show on Long Island.

Speaker 1 I go, great.

Speaker 1 We love him, and that's great. He goes, he's coming tonight.
He's doing 20 minutes on all your headlining shows right before you go up. Great.
So it's going to be

Speaker 1 the feature, Kevin James, for 20 minutes, and then you. Great.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Now, listen. If you're, so Kevin James goes up and they bring him up and they go, ladies and gentlemen, you know, every now and then we get a drop in.
You know how it goes. Yeah.
The King of Queens.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's already famous. Oh, he's he's bringing, he's coming back to TV.
He's massive.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, okay. I thought this was young Kevin James.
No, no, no, no, no, no. That's before he made his second TV show.
Huge. Kevin James comes out.
Right. Okay.
He gets an applause break

Speaker 1 in Long Island that I would only describe as like,

Speaker 1 it's unreal, right? It's like, it's just, it's. John Lennon coming back to alive.
Yeah. The Beatles reunion.
It's not one of those. You know what I mean? It's one of those things.

Speaker 1 It's like, it's like,

Speaker 1 like crazy. Right.
And it's, it's, it's several minutes of clapping and standing before he does his first joke. He then kills for 20 minutes

Speaker 1 with like new stuff, with just stuff he thought of, like, whatever, murdering.

Speaker 1 Then he leaves. Then the host comes back on and goes, now please, well, by the way, no introduction.
He goes, now please welcome Tim Dylan. I walk out on stage.

Speaker 1 The people in the back are so drunk, they think it's still Kevin James.

Speaker 1 Wow. They're far away, they're in the back, and they're drunk.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so they're just looking at shapes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they're going.

Speaker 1 And then literally, I start to talk, and people audibly start yelling, that's not Kevin James. Wow.
They think like they switched out Kevin James in the middle of his set. Yeah.
They're drunk now.

Speaker 1 They go, what happened? Who's this? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 This isn't Kevin James. This is something.

Speaker 1 Do you have a story like that?

Speaker 1 No, I don't.

Speaker 1 Do you have a story like that? No, never. What? No, no.

Speaker 1 I never had

Speaker 1 a mid-bump. I do have a story like that.
See, I don't like this. That's what you're doing, dude.
What am I doing? Get excited about my stories, too.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, Tim. I'm excited.
Tim, wait till you hear this story. Do you have a story like that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but forget it. I mean, I get bumped at the comedy store more than anybody on earth.
And I've said this before to Bill. I think Burr specifically

Speaker 1 comes in. He's like,

Speaker 1 who's in Maine? And they're like, Santino's on the X. He goes, me.

Speaker 1 He bumps me every time. Wow.
Without fail. I think I said that to you.
I was like, it's magical. I think he loves bumping my.
He doesn't go long, so that's good.

Speaker 1 No, I think he's just, I think it's just,

Speaker 1 he knows me, so he doesn't care. Like, what do you do?

Speaker 1 Have you been bumped at the comedy store? I think we all got bumped by Leslie Jones. Leslie Jones.
Oh, that's right. That's right.
Yeah. She's bumped me up.
How do you feel about that?

Speaker 1 I didn't love it, but it's okay. I just said,

Speaker 1 I'll just leave. Yeah, we just

Speaker 1 get in my car and leave. I leave.
Yeah, I just leave. Yeah.
Sometimes we don't even show up. That's right.
A lot of times we're being bumped and we don't even know because we're at our house.

Speaker 1 We're gone. Yeah, that's true.
That's true. But do you think that's bad karma on our part? No.
Like calling in. No.
No. No.
It's fine. It is.
No. I used to get bumped at the laugh factory back.

Speaker 1 Nothing means anything.

Speaker 1 Dane used to love bumping. Oh, he loves it.
And he would bump and do an hour back then. That's when he would bump, you know, and I'd sit in the back, 30, 40, 50.
And then by that time, they're gone.

Speaker 1 You're gone. And then the next couple of times I go back and I would tell Jamie, I'd say, oh, I'm not going to be.
Bobby, why will you live? He's going to be quick.

Speaker 1 I was like, no, no, no, I'm fucking. I'm already home.
I'm already home. Fuck that.
Wow. Sometimes I would text a comic I knew that was there and was like, is he still on? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'd be, he's cooking, baby. That's what he'd say about that.
I haven't been in Laugh Actory since I broke his foot. Yeah.
Why? Yeah. I broke his foot.
Dane's? No. Jamie Masada's.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I broke his fucking foot. How? I was like, I did a good spot.
This is years ago, and I was in that front area, you know? Yeah, the hangout.

Speaker 1 And, you know, he always hangs out there, sitting on those stools. And I walk up to it, and I'm jumping up and down like a fucking orangutan dude.
I'm like, I killed it, I killed it.

Speaker 1 And I stomped on his foot. He screamed, goes, oh, buddy!

Speaker 1 Buddy! Right. And

Speaker 1 then two days later, he goes, I went to the hospital, you broke my foot. And I haven't really been in there since.

Speaker 1 I feel so bad. You know what's so fun? He's like a fun little toy to play with because he's funny stories.

Speaker 1 And he, I, I used to like bully him into money because they were, at one point, they were like not paying anybody right now. Right.
And so I was like, give me money right now. Give me money.

Speaker 1 And And I'd be joking with him, but he'd pull out money as like a bit. I'd see him go, okay, I'll give you $100, buddy, for food.
You want $100?

Speaker 1 And he'd pull out money and I would steal money from him. And I did it a lot.
Like, I would do this a lot. I feel like I did it way too much.

Speaker 1 And I would just grab his money and he'd be like, buddy, come on, come on. But I was like, no, you're fucking the club never paid.
It's Robin Hood. It did Robin Hood.
Do you play there?

Speaker 1 I've never seen you at the Laugh Actor. I go occasionally and I'll do, there's a few shows there that I've done that's fun.
And it's always fun when I go, but I just, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm usually at the improv in the store. Story.
Yeah, yeah. Store in the improv.

Speaker 1 What's your favorite though what what's your favorite store I think I all you know but I'm starting to love the improv a lot and I would say overall

Speaker 1 the store but I got to be honest with you the improv especially recently I feel like is amazing I do love it I love it too and I'm actually starting to like the ice house yeah even though after you and I had a real wild experience we had a wild experience and I just didn't do well and I handled it maturely I went to like salt and straw and just climbed in the thing you know that with all the ice creams I just climbed in and said, just leave me here overnight.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 he called me and goes, just come back. I'm like, fucker.
I go, Tim, you got to come back. Yeah, because it's the second show.
I was like, I hate it. We can't not do the second show.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not doing it.

Speaker 1 But I came back. I did come back.
You did? I did come back. They have changed too.
Yeah. And it's better now.
It's really good. Yeah.
Yeah. Because when I first went there, they treated me so poorly.

Speaker 1 Oh. Right.

Speaker 1 Like, like, like, they didn't know who I was. They don't.
They're like, go around.

Speaker 1 I go, no, I've been coming for three years. This is where you come through.
Go around.

Speaker 1 You have to walk around and I have to show my ID. Oh, yeah.
Right. And then come in, and I'm like, where's the green room? Only comics go in the green room.
I'm on the show.

Speaker 1 Like that kind of vibe. Yeah.
But then when I fucking talk shit, and then they go. Then they come back.
The best thing is watching someone go to the mothership who doesn't know.

Speaker 1 Like someone who just rolls in who's not known and they roll in with like a crew of people and it's like, oh, no, no, no, no, no, there's security.

Speaker 1 Like this is a legit place. Now, obviously.
You mean a comic that comes in with a group of people? Yeah, like a person who just doesn't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because there's just not knowing.

Speaker 1 There's just not knowing. Yeah.
You know, and it's like, it's just funny to watch someone who's like, hey, this is my buddy or whatever. And they're like,

Speaker 1 yeah, and then there's like, there's like, you know, like Navy SEALs looking at them.

Speaker 1 It's just an energy. It's an energy, you know? Yeah.
So a bunch of guys kind of standing there saying they're like, this, who's this? Yeah. Like, oh, this is my buddy.
He's just going to hang out.

Speaker 1 And they go, huh? They just look. There's a feeling.
Yeah. And I always like to watch that happen.
Yeah. It wasn't me that night with Rogan.
We went to Black Keys.

Speaker 1 That's when I realized, oh, he's the mayor of town. Come on.
Yeah. He's the mayor of that town.
Of Austin? I mean, he's absolutely.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bulletproof fucking, you know, SUVs, absolutely, the whole fucking thing. Absolutely.
Yeah, that Black Keys concert was weird. It did feel like we were, the CIA was protecting us.
Right.

Speaker 1 Like, I felt like we were being watched and protected. Like, guys with radios and shit were talking to each other the whole time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Can I tell my story now? Yeah, please. It was like a little too late, but give it.
All right. So, anyway,

Speaker 1 what is it? I did a movie.

Speaker 1 What's the movie that you did? With Henry Lau. With who? Henry Lau.
Yeah. He's a pop Korean pop star.

Speaker 1 What happened with Henry Lau? Oh, it was crazy, dude. Tell me.
Yeah. Anyway, I did a movie with Henry Lau.
That movie. Final Recipe.
Yeah, there you go.

Speaker 1 I did a movie with Michelle Yao's in it.

Speaker 1 And he's a right. So that, that event.

Speaker 1 So that event was like.

Speaker 1 It looks like

Speaker 1 a K-pop guy and his manager. That's what I mean.
So this is what happened. It's like, look at it.
It's all K-pop stars. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 And they go, ladies and gentlemen, Henry Lau, which I introduce me first. No, no, no.
Right. So the place goes insane, but in the mayhem of the sound, they had said my name, but no one heard it.

Speaker 1 Right. Abby Lee, right? And so I now look like...
See, now I wish you didn't do the,

Speaker 1 I look like his manager. You do.
I know, but the thing is that that was the joke. Oh, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so now I can't go. Hey, now everyone thinks I'm his manager.
But run it back. Yeah, try it.

Speaker 1 Just try it now. Yeah, try it now.
We'll cut it. It's good.
Try it now. Okay, try it now.
You go. Anyway, so, you know, we're at this puck pop.
Henry Lau comes out.

Speaker 1 The audience is, wow, right?

Speaker 1 And in the midst of this gigantic sound, they said my name. Now no one knows what, now they think I'm his manager.
Oh my God.

Speaker 1 That's fucking crazy. That's fucking funny.
It's crazy the way it all works. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah. Yeah.
It was crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You think Diddy

Speaker 1 is going to be okay? He's in trouble. Yeah, he's going to be fine.
He's in big trouble. I think he'll come back.
He'll bounce. I think he'll be okay.
He'll bounce back.

Speaker 1 It happens. Yeah, well, he's cooked.
Effects of the ditter. Son, he's cooked, son.
I mean, Eminem's lyric is phenomenal. Did you hear that? Which one? What did he say? He goes,

Speaker 1 look up Eminem's lyric about him. It's actually, because I don't want to misquote it.
He goes, like, I'm an R-A-P-E-R. Got so many essays, huh? Essay?

Speaker 1 And he goes, he didn't just leave out the, he didn't just leave out an R, a P, did he?

Speaker 1 My God.

Speaker 1 My God. Listen to that.
How long ago was that? I'm an R-A-P-E-R. Got so many essays, huh? Essay? He didn't just leave out the letter P, did he? Jesus Christ.
Wow. Eminem.
That's killer. That is.

Speaker 1 Did he just recently write that? But if Diddy is innocent, we're all going to feel stupid, including him. Yeah.
Take it back, Eminem. To be honest with you.

Speaker 1 Take it back. He'll feel bad.
Well, everyone will feel stupid.

Speaker 1 All of us. Is there a shot that he can get out with good lawyers? No.
Why? Yeah, I mean, O.J. Diddy, me when I was a kid.
Cochrane's not around.

Speaker 1 When I was a kid old, we believed in was high-profile defense attorneys. We grew up with them.
We watched them get OJ out. We watched him get all these people out.
Like, we got excited.

Speaker 1 They all had names like

Speaker 1 Irv Fishman.

Speaker 1 Or Ben Brathman. And they would come in there and they would just fucking kill.
And his DA would get up and she'd be like, they found the gun. And he'd be like, you shut up, bitch.

Speaker 1 And he'd have a $4,000 suit. Yeah.
And he'd have a Rolex and he'd have a bunch of rings. And he'd go, look at this bitch.
Like, that's what he'd say. He'd go, look at this bitch.

Speaker 1 And be some like frizzle-haired

Speaker 1 state representative. And as kids, we were like, the best thing about our country is that if you're rich and you kill someone, you get one of these guys who are the coolest people in the world.

Speaker 1 Johnny Cochran. What's the other guy's name? Bob Shapiro.

Speaker 1 Dude, these people were fucking awesome. Is Dershowitz one? Alan Dershowitz?

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, and he went down with

Speaker 1 the good one. He was.
He went down. The Dershog.
Look at him. The Dersh.
The Dersh dog. Look at him.
They got his ass. He got him.
The Dersh dog. But he's still out there.
He's debating CNN.

Speaker 1 Like, he's on Pierce Morgan all the time debating. Yeah.
Yeah. Wow.
Man, they really, they made him look so bad, though.

Speaker 1 The Dersh dog got taken down. Well, what happened to him? Because he was,

Speaker 1 wasn't he for, what's his name?

Speaker 1 Flight logs. Yeah, he was defending all the flight logs and all that bullshit.
Well, he's trying to, he was like advancing the argument that Epstein had a a nature conservatory.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this whole thing's been a big misunderstanding. Right.
The guy just said

Speaker 1 he had a green thumb. Yeah.
Who you mean, green thumb Epstein? Look, how many times did he go to the island? Look at that. Look at that.
Him and Larry David.

Speaker 1 He got in a fight in a grocery store in Martha's Vineyard. Him and Larry David? Yeah, Larry David was like yelling at him.

Speaker 1 His Jershowitz was like, I think, you know, obviously coming out for like Epstein and Trump and all this stuff.

Speaker 1 And Larry David and him got into it. That's fucking radical.
Look at that.

Speaker 1 This is the world we live in. And what do we learn today, truly, that if you're rich enough and you kill someone, you can get away with it.
If you got a Dershanger. It depends.

Speaker 1 If you got an IRV to come in with a nice suit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 We learned the title of this episode should be somewhere in the middle. The truth is somewhere in the middle.
The truth lies somewhere in the middle. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 1 Because that's the way it is. That's what it is.
That's the way life is. That's the truth.
And that's what

Speaker 1 I think that we should remember with Diddy. The truth lies somewhere in the middle.
Somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 1 Well, I'd that that's what we should all and that's by the way I wouldn't even try to say innocence if I was his lawyer that's where I'd go I'd go I wouldn't even go like innocent because that's never gonna happen right yeah yeah so I get up there I go listen is it as bad as they say no was it great not great

Speaker 1 you're a great lawyer no I'm telling you you're a great defense I would have been a great defense wow I would have said listen none of this is great I'm not here to tell you that this was great what I'm here to tell you

Speaker 1 is that I'm a jury. I'm a jury.
It's not nearly as bad as what they're saying. And like many things in life, and I would say to you, pay attention.
I'd say, please pay attention to that.

Speaker 1 I would say. No,

Speaker 1 when I'm looking at the sky, you're contemplating. Okay.
It would take me a while to learn that and trust that.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's start.

Speaker 1 You know what? Start over. We're jury.
Here we are. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I'm here representing Mr.
Combs, and I'm going to tell you this.

Speaker 1 Am I going to stand up here and tell you that this was great? No. I'm not not going to say it was great.
No.

Speaker 1 But was it as bad as all these people are saying? No.

Speaker 1 Like many things in life, the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

Speaker 1 That's life.

Speaker 1 People have parties.

Speaker 1 Things get out of hand.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 it takes a lot of people to bake.

Speaker 1 I don't know what the exact term is, but the point is that. Cake.
Yeah. Can't speak on on the jury.

Speaker 1 No, but I would actually, I got to be honest, I would actually kind of like that.

Speaker 1 I like a kind of explanation. Yeah, that's really good.
I kind of want a crowd work jury, like a give and take. Yeah, yeah.
But I would say, I would say, before you go into deliberate. Cake.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.
Well, now it sounds like he's just being disrespectful to me.

Speaker 1 You're just yelling cake at this guy. It just sounds like you're being rude.
I bet this guy likes cake. Yeah, yeah.
That sounds like you're being a little rude. Okay.

Speaker 1 But I'm not going to motion for you to be dismissed. What I'm going to say is this.
When you are deliberating, I want you to remember that this is a person.

Speaker 1 Wow. This is a person with children.

Speaker 1 This is a person with children and a career.

Speaker 1 And this is a person who is more than the sum of his worst acts.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Wow. He's more than the sum of his worst acts.
Let's deliberate.

Speaker 1 Deliberate. What do you think? Not guilty.
No, he's guilty. Yeah, he's definitely guilty.
But he'll be guilty. He'll be guilty.
I could be sweet so easily.

Speaker 1 You would be such a bad jury.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, guilty.

Speaker 1 What is it called? A hang jury?

Speaker 1 That would be because of you. But what's great about the defense attorneys is when they lose, they go on CNN and CNN's like, what happened? And the defense attorney goes, well, he's a rapist.

Speaker 1 Oh, right, right, right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a terrible person.

Speaker 1 Of course. It's like, what did you want me to do? I was making money.
Yeah. Wow.
That was very intriguing. Well, compelling.
That's how I would do it. Yeah.
I would also go into, if I may,

Speaker 1 into like, we've all been at parties. Right.
We've acted a fool.

Speaker 1 no, that's your defense. No, I'm just, I'm, I'm just like, you know what I mean? I think he's not going to hire you.
I'm at the firm. We've all been to parties.

Speaker 1 Imagine the kid in the room of a law firm pitching ideas over how to. Yeah, that's what I would pitch you.
Like, you're the main lawyer. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 It's Dylan and, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Jewish guy.

Speaker 1 That's what the fucking firm is. That's the name of the firm.
Dylan and Jewish guy.

Speaker 1 Smart. Well, because it rotates.
It rotates. Yeah, yeah.
Who knows? You know what I mean? Who knows? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I'm working at Dylan and Jewish guy, and I'm like, well, we could talk about like, you know, know, people get drunk at parties and they make mistakes too, no? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm going to say, what about people who went to the parties and had a completely great time? Right. Exactly.
Bring them out. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 How about we bring out a bunch of people that went to the parties and weren't assaulted? Interview Big Sean. Right.
Bring him out. How about that? How about me asking me ask this question?

Speaker 1 I'm like, what is assault? Well, also, what is human trafficking? What is that? I'm going to write that. That is the whole point.
What is it? What are you even saying?

Speaker 1 What is that? Okay, okay. I feel like you're hired at the firm.
Dude, I'm working with Dylan and fucking Jewish guy. Yeah, Dylan and Jewish guy.
Dude,

Speaker 1 that would be a great law firm, by the way. Yeah.
You would be like, yeah, I'll take that.

Speaker 1 But what you really got to do, what they really actually have to do, is go and go, the people coming out against him right now are all hoping for compensation.

Speaker 1 Where have they been? Where have they been? This has been happening for decades and nobody's said anything. That's how they pick up.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, they, oh, they just, oh, like all these people in Scientology. Oh, they just figured it all out.
Lee Remedy, you rat. They're all rats.
And I go, oh, you all figured it out now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're all liars. Oh, they were all, they're trying to get money from this client of mine who is a Christian man.
Yeah, very good. The Christian lien is always good.
Always good.

Speaker 1 Christian lien is good. Would you rather be a prosecutor or a defense attorney? I would rather be a prosecutor.
I feel like I'm a prosecutor. I think you are a prosecutor.
Yeah, I'm a prosecutor.

Speaker 1 What am I? What am I? You're a defense attorney for sure. I think, well, here's what I think is interesting.
You're mumble bumble scramble eggs. You're a defense attorney.

Speaker 1 You come in all sloppily late. You do something brilliant.
Like, there was a guy, like, you do, there was this crazy, this woman, Dana Goldblatt. She was an attorney.
I was a juror on a murder trial.

Speaker 1 Murder tried to do murder, torture, and rape. Literally.
Holy shit. Wow.
And we convicted him.

Speaker 1 He did the wrong. He killed his baby mom and all that.
That's her, Dana Goldblatt? Yeah. So she was an attorney.
Now, which, oh, is that her? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got to be her.

Speaker 1 So she defended this guy, and she would wear these wacky outfits like Miss Frizzle and Patrick's School Bus. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you would end up staring at this bitch's outfits all day and not listening to the thing. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 So like, I think you could do a fun tag where you're like the prosecutor's up there doing something and you're doing something very distracting yeah even some of my language i wouldn't even talk i would say something like

Speaker 1 a new my cousin vinny

Speaker 1 hey drew i would go to the jury and go hey

Speaker 1 you know what i mean right yes yeah because they're going did he say hello or hey hey yeah

Speaker 1 that's the whole thing yeah yeah yeah and then it's who cares who raped who no i get it and i would say something witty like i just had some kombucha yeah right like no for breakfast for breakfast and dance like you would dance in kombucha you bring in your kava yeah yeah you gotta like dance a little too right i would do yeah where did they say he hit her?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, dude. You got me, dude.
I think I'd be a very good defensive. You'd be a good person.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine? Kylan Jewish guy Lee. By the way, can you imagine if you were going like

Speaker 1 if you were charged with murder and you looked at the two people defending you and it was me and Bob?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I had my sunglasses on and a red nose.
I'd be like, what is going on with this woman?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm just like, yeah.

Speaker 1 Kombucha.

Speaker 1 baby. Dancing in with your kava, baby.

Speaker 1 Well, what do you want to plug dates? No, I don't care. No, I mean, they're on their website.
Come see me. Yeah, come on.

Speaker 1 One of the funniest guys on planet Earth. Thank you very much.
Watch, if you want to watch it on Netflix, it's October 1st. Thank you guys for having me.
I'm glad we finally did this. Thank you.

Speaker 1 And it gave Tim Dylan a run. Oh, thank you for being a bad friend.
Tim Dylan, everybody.

Speaker 1 That was so fun.