Fat King & The Lying Jester

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 Let me do the horn, will you?

Speaker 2 But I learned about. I tell you what, you know how many.
Let me ask you: how many jazz musicians can you name?

Speaker 2 Every single one. Well, give me ten.
Coltrane. What's his first name? John.
That's very good. Dude.
This guy, dude? Thanks. He knows everything.
Keep going, dude. Miles Davis.

Speaker 2 Good. Muddy Waters.
He's not in that. Muddy Waters is blues.
He's not jazz. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's not in it. Okay.

Speaker 2 I refuse to let him in. Dizzy Gillespie.

Speaker 2 Dude, that was a good one, dude. Thank you.
Dude, that's deep cut, dude. Dizzy Gillespie.
Go ahead, dude. Dizzy Gillespie.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Edda Fitzgerald. Ella Fitzgerald.
Bro, deep cut. No, not really.
Pretty mainstream. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Mike Martinville. There's no Mike Martinville.
He used to be an insurance salesman.

Speaker 2 There is no Mike Martinville. Hi, and Mike Martinville.
Oh, yeah. Okay, baby.
You don't remember him? Oh, yeah. Avant-garde.
Yeah, avant-garde.

Speaker 2 Avant-garde.

Speaker 2 Is there a Mike Martin go? I don't think so. That's him right there.
Oh, there he is. Right there.
A Mike Martin.

Speaker 2 Vale.

Speaker 2 Okay. He went to Vale.
That's Martin Vale. No, it was hyphenated.
He got married. He took her name.
Super progressive for the 60s.

Speaker 2 What did you learn on this doc, though? Ken Burns taught you what about jazz? What did you take away from it? It sucks.

Speaker 2 It really legitimately sucks. No, jazz is great.
It's terrible. But here's what I learned also.

Speaker 2 What I learned about it is,

Speaker 2 man, it's terrible. And also, I mean,

Speaker 2 because I wanted to go through, I went through the whole thing, and I was like, maybe this, from 1935 to 1940, maybe I'll get it, get into it. Right.
But I never did. It never took.
It never took.

Speaker 2 Except the only ones that I really like is Billie Holiday because she's so depressing. Right.

Speaker 2 In

Speaker 2 my

Speaker 2 solitude. And I was like, kill yourself, Michael.
Why don't you?

Speaker 2 It's so depressing.

Speaker 2 She's like a heroine. But you don't say the same thing about rock music that does sad, depressing stuff.
Why? You just don't like the physical music. I like her.
Sarah Vaughn's okay, but

Speaker 2 I just got went through the whole thing, and it's like, um, I just asked myself, why? Why? Yeah, yeah. Well, it touches people in a certain way.
Well, you know, Louis, goddamn, man. I know.

Speaker 2 What a guy.

Speaker 2 Died in 1971.

Speaker 2 And Duke Ellington died in 1974. I just memorized.
I memorized. You just know when they died? No, I just kind of memorized random things

Speaker 2 in my mind. You know what I mean? So he died in 74, and uh pretty good you know

Speaker 2 modern day guy is a guy named um wynton marcellus oh yeah i've seen him on kill tony no he's good yeah no he is that guy dude he is pretty good dude look at him he his style is great and then he had a brother named brandon or brandon marcellus marcellos wallis

Speaker 2 oh from Pulp Fiction.

Speaker 2 Marcellus Wallace is good. Yeah, I heard it.
Yeah, yeah. Very funny joke.
Did not like it. And that bandaid in his neck, that's where he puts the fucking trombone.

Speaker 2 He can blow from the back of his head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's a dolphin. You know what he's half dolphin?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Marcellus Waltz was

Speaker 2 dolphin, dude. You don't know that? Yeah.
I almost watched pulp fiction last night.

Speaker 2 We're at the house that we stayed in at a little movie theater, and instead we watched, there was a vote on what to watch, and my vote.

Speaker 2 didn't win, but I really thought it was going what do they want to watch? One guy wanted Terminator.

Speaker 2 another guy wanted pulp fiction, another guy wanted Wolf of Wall Street, and I wanted Wayne's World, but uh, Wolf of Wall Street won. Of course, it did.
Wayne's World is so funny. It's so funny.

Speaker 2 It's a great one. It front to back is one of the funniest movies.
It's a great one. The amount of lines.
But yes, I wanted something uplifting. Wolf is actually super funny.

Speaker 2 It's just, I wanted Wackadoo funny. Right.
But we were, dude, I forgot how funny Wolf was. It's pretty funny.
I forgot the scene with McConaughey is so unbelievably funny. Yeah.

Speaker 2 When he's doing Rudy Tudors, when he's doing it. You're going to gonna be so mad at me right now, dude.
I never saw the movie.

Speaker 2 You've never seen Wolf of Wall Street? I refuse. Why? I don't like wolves.

Speaker 2 I really don't. I don't like wolves.
I don't like that creature. You know what I mean? I like dogs.
You know what I mean? But I'll watch Dogs of Wall Street. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That'd be fun, right, little poodle. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Just a boardroom of dogs barking? Yeah, yeah. I'd watch that.
NASTACK or whatever, you know, they're in the Wall Street. Whatever, you know? What do you do? What is that? Did you hear about this?

Speaker 2 How Brittany Furlon's dog got attacked by a coyote and it's all over the news today. What do you mean, got attacked? Like in their house? Oh my god.
In their house? Yeah, in the back.

Speaker 2 Whoa, it cracked. It's got in its mouth? Yeah, right there.
That's fucking wild. And then what happened? Is the dog alive? It died.
I think we can't leave the dogs out. She says they're safe.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Nina was safe. I gotta call her.

Speaker 2 I gotta call her. No, should I call her? Can we play that song while she answers the phone? She's not gonna pick up for me.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna play Who Let the Dogs Out. Dude, wait, before, dude.
But let me get a hold of her first and then play it.

Speaker 2 Hold on. Wait, let me get her.
Try to get her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 before, before. Hold up.
Hold on, hold on.

Speaker 2 Is she gonna be mad? This is mean? Is this mean? This is mean? The dog's alive. The dog's alive.
It's very funny, though.

Speaker 2 Please pick up.

Speaker 2 Brittany, please pick up.

Speaker 2 Who let the dogs out?

Speaker 2 Who let

Speaker 2 Wait, is she still there? Hello? Brittany, we love you. We're just calling to make sure everything is okay.

Speaker 2 Well, hold on.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. Well, who did let him out, though? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 2 That's so scary and sad, though.

Speaker 2 Eat your pizza, fat ass. Telephone number.

Speaker 2 What did you get?

Speaker 1 The Prince Street.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's so good. That's my favorite.
Oh, Britney Britney Farland. Britney Farland.
She picked. Call me back.
Get the fuck. Hold on.

Speaker 2 Hello? Oh, my God. You're the devil.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 We heard that in during the podcast.

Speaker 2 Andrew are so doubtful.

Speaker 2 We love you. We love you so much.
We just wanted to make sure the dog was okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's good. Good.
She's her psycho. Yep.
I know, but we just saw the video. We didn't know about it.
And it must have been because we have dogs. It must have been town.
I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry. It was awful.
But we have to laugh at pain. Yeah, we have to laugh at pain.
And the dog didn't die. No, I fucking pulled her out of its mouth.
Is she injured? Oh my God, look at it.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Look at it.
Oh, it's so bad. I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 She's, um, she's like, I'm going to take her to the vet. She doesn't have any like puncture wounds or anything, but when I touch her, she's starting to cry.

Speaker 2 So I think she might have something going on.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. We're sorry.
We're sorry. Can I ask you, what are you wearing while you're out there? In a robe.
A bathrobe.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought you were like you're not doing yoga or anything no i was like just about to get in the shower why just like it was terrible dude i'm sorry we're sorry oh we're so sorry where's tommy during this playing drums

Speaker 2 yeah no he was on a zoom in the living room okay we'll tell him we said hi we love you so much you're on bad friends okay watching wait wait wait what's your podcast called with brittany this is the worst this is the worst check their podcast out yeah we and we did we are we

Speaker 2 wanted to send you love we were initially called called to say we, we, we, we're happy the dog's okay, but I just, I had, I had, we had to play the song just to show you some love.

Speaker 2 You're, you guys are literally Satan. Okay.

Speaker 2 I love you. Bye.

Speaker 2 The dog's alive. It's alive.
Rudy, how do you know what I mean? Yeah. But who let the dogs out?

Speaker 2 This is, this is a big nightmare for me. This is nightmare fuel for a lot of people.
It's a nightmare. Honestly, every time.
So now at night. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This is during the day, which is even more insane, but they live in the hills. Yeah.
Where there's way more coyotes by you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So down by us, they sometimes get around the neighborhood, but at night now, I walk with the dog in my arm, put her down to pee, and pick her right back up.

Speaker 2 I used to let her out, but now I don't let her out anymore. Yeah.
Because neighbors have complained about coyotes everywhere. Isn't it a cannibalistic?

Speaker 2 A coyote eating a dog? Well, they're the same species. It's like a meme eating a monkey.

Speaker 2 We eat a monkey last week. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, that was. Yeah, yeah.
It was a really good monkey. A spider monkey.
They're so good. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're fun to catch.

Speaker 2 Oh, they are. Yeah, you gotta climb the tree, right? They made that noise.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And they hate it. But my point is, dude, I just saw a video.
Did you ever see? Did I send you this?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I saw a video of a man eating a monkey.
It was terrifying. Pull it up.

Speaker 1 On TikTok, I saw a man cooking a turtle.

Speaker 2 I've said it once, I'll say it again. What do you mean? It's the greatest app ever created.
Yeah, yeah. You can see a man eating a turtle.

Speaker 2 I I got it. I got it.
I got the monkey one. Want to see it? We'll send it to Carlo so you can play it for us.
All right, so send this to in the meantime, Jules. Yeah, what's going on?

Speaker 2 Take a bite of that pizza. I know that's so good, isn't it?

Speaker 2 It's one of my favorite. Favorite?

Speaker 1 The naughty pie?

Speaker 2 Naughty pie is my favorite by far. It's not even close.
It's the best. It's not even close.
They're contending with some of them.

Speaker 2 Oh no.

Speaker 2 Whoa, dude. Snacking on some monk.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 The spine.

Speaker 2 That's where the meat is. The spine.

Speaker 2 It's insane, dude.

Speaker 2 As he's eating him, he's like, I miss you, George.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was curious, George. Curious George.
Yeah, yeah. There he was.
He got too curious, George.

Speaker 1 I want to add,

Speaker 1 my aunt in the Philippines, she had a dog, and then

Speaker 1 the dog escaped.

Speaker 2 Went missing.

Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And then there was like a, like after a week, there was a party,

Speaker 1 like her birthday party, or something, stop, stop.

Speaker 2 Stop where there, I love it. I think I know where this is going.
I limit, can we guess or no? Yeah, yeah, all right. So, dogs missing, yeah, then no, now there's a party, okay.
What kind of party?

Speaker 2 Who's is it a birthday party?

Speaker 1 I think it was hers, I don't remember, but there was a party, there was a party, yeah, and people were just done

Speaker 2 party right,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 Oh, boy, I'm hungry. Are you hungry? Hungie, hungry, hungry, hungry.

Speaker 2 Oh, did you get

Speaker 2 Jolly B? Who got Jolly B? Anybody? No, nobody got Jolly B. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 And then what happens?

Speaker 1 And then her father said, like, oh, try this.

Speaker 2 Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 What's his name, then, father? I know.

Speaker 2 When someone says, try this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Try this.

Speaker 2 In the middle of the party, he has to yell it because there's a lot of party. Everyone, try this.
Try this. Yeah, yeah.
Music stops. DJ stops, right?

Speaker 2 And then they look at the dad and do they go, what is it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, she asked, like, what is it? And then he just said, chickens.

Speaker 2 Just chicken. Just chicken.
Just chicken. Out of nowhere.
Chicken. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just out of the blue, chicken. So she ate it.

Speaker 2 Where'd you get the chicken?

Speaker 1 I don't know, but she ate it and she said, oh, it's really good.

Speaker 2 Okay. And then

Speaker 1 the father laughed and said, Oh, it's your dog.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Which is the oldest prank in the joke.
It's the oldest trick in the book. It's the oldest prank in the book.
It's really a fun, it's a fun prank.

Speaker 2 People think it tastes like a cross between beef and mutton. Very funny.
Wow. Terrible.
Would you be mad?

Speaker 2 If you ate my fucking dog. But in that context.
Oh, if someone fed me my dog?

Speaker 2 You're having a party. Yeah.
Right? I come in. Yeah.
Hey, eat this.

Speaker 2 Right. And it's my dog.
And then you ask me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What is this?

Speaker 2 Chicken. Oh.
It's fucking chicken, dude. It's dark.
Eat it now. I'm delicious.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I go, ha, ha, ha. Me and Carl Carls, are you there? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're obviously there. Yeah.
You have to help. Who else helped do it? Yeah, yeah.
Blood on my shirt. Yeah, would you help?

Speaker 2 No, McCone wouldn't help. Well, what did you do? Did you crock pot it? Did you put it in the oven? I want to know how you made it.
We boiled it. You boiled it.
Yeah, yeah. It was terrible.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then you ate it. And then I go, it's your dog.

Speaker 2 Let me tell me the consequences now. I'll tell you the direct steps of action.
Tick, tick, tick. I walk in the kitchen, grab a knife, thing,

Speaker 2 and I stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. I stab you to death.
And then I serve you at your own funeral. Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 That's really pretty good. Yeah, that's, you know, it was a prank, dude.

Speaker 2 A little too far. It was a prank.
See, some people can't take pranks. That's right.
You know, it's like, you know that sometimes?

Speaker 2 You know that tree prank where people are like a tree or a bush and they they scare people and people walk by and people you their general reaction is ha ha you got me right but sometimes you'll see a guy kick them yeah right and like oh you don't can't take a that's you kick the tree guy yeah you're the kick the tree guy there's one clip on the internet that tree guy jumps out at a handicapped girl and he feels terrible he scares her she starts crying

Speaker 2 it's awful I love it this is awful it was on TikTok

Speaker 2 did I scare you

Speaker 2 What an asshole. See? Now, this is why guys like me kick the Bushman.
Because you do that to a handicapped girl and you ruin her day. How do you feel now, pal?

Speaker 2 How do you feel now, pal? He wants to watch it again.

Speaker 2 Can we play to the end, though? Where's the feeling bad part? Does he come out?

Speaker 2 Is she okay?

Speaker 2 No, she's not okay.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to scare you, man. Is she okay?

Speaker 2 Is she all right? Sorry about that.

Speaker 2 No problem. That's just going to ruin that guy's day.

Speaker 2 Can I throw something out there? I don't know. This is not that.
Popular. Something.

Speaker 2 A popular idea, but.

Speaker 2 No, forget it. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I just. No, no, go ahead.
I don't want to give it a. Let's give it a go.
Yeah, yeah. It's a process of elimination.

Speaker 2 You think this is Darwinism? I just, you know, survival. I don't know.
Survival of the of the take the joke is the best.

Speaker 2 Okay, got it. Yeah, yeah.
If you can't take a prank, you don't deserve to live.

Speaker 2 That's not what I was saying. Prank or die.
That's not what I was saying. Welcome back to Prank or Die.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Anyway, wow, that's incredible.
I don't like the Bushman prank. You know what I do like, though?

Speaker 2 Even as a golfer, I like the guys that go to the public course and the guy, they honk their air horns where the guys are on the T-box. They get so mad.

Speaker 2 I think it's so funny and they freak the fuck out. These guys, and they'll do this this in LA.
They go to these golf courses and they hide, they hide, they hide behind like a wall of trees.

Speaker 2 And then, as soon as the guys are swinging,

Speaker 2 watch this.

Speaker 2 Top pay food.

Speaker 2 I've always wanted one of those outfits. Me too.

Speaker 2 Can you get me one of those guys? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, he fucking shattered.

Speaker 2 the real flagrant ones, the guys will be standing there. They'll just stand.

Speaker 2 Can you push pause for a second?

Speaker 2 Would that bother you?

Speaker 2 It would shock me the first time. Then I would realize someone's obviously fucking with me.
Would it bother you?

Speaker 2 A little bit.

Speaker 2 I don't think a little. No, but then I would know it's a prank and you'd get over it at some point.
No, that's the top one. They do it the whole time.
The first one's got to be the one the whole game.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, it would drive me nuts. Well, they're not there the whole time.

Speaker 2 By the way, the Asian, the guy that picked us up today, the driver that picked us up from the airport. Yeah, he, he, dude, this is why I love Asians.
I love Asian. Okay, good.

Speaker 2 This is seriously, you know, you're my favorite people on earth. He's an Uber driver.
He was in the non-Uber lane. He was in the lane he's not supposed to pick people up in.

Speaker 2 Cop comes over, starts yelling at him, pretends he doesn't speak English. He was like,

Speaker 2 and the guy's like, what don't you understand? I'm calling the cops. And he's like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, then we get in the car.
He's like, sorry about all that.

Speaker 2 It's the best. Genius.
It's the best. And what, because otherwise, if the guy says anything, he's racist.
Yeah. You're being racist to the guy.
He's just an Uber driver. He doesn't speak English.

Speaker 2 Perfect. I wish I could still do that.
You can. You can get away with it.

Speaker 2 Sometimes people know who I am. So you never know.
I guess so. But back in the day, you do it all the time.
All the time. Like during fucking Virginia Attack.
What do you think I did?

Speaker 2 Mino. Yeah, Korean.
I Chinese.

Speaker 2 Right? You could do that. Yeah.
Not anymore. You're too famous.
You're too famous. No, I'm not.
Yeah. I get asked about, people ask about you so much now.
It's like

Speaker 2 really pissing me off. I was telling you that yesterday, dude.
They love you. That's nice.
It is nice. It is nice, isn't it? Yeah.
Eat your pizza.

Speaker 2 I want to know what's going on in your world for real, though. Take a bite.
No, take a bite. What is this?

Speaker 2 I saw her.

Speaker 2 I love bright bright.

Speaker 2 I love Chinese food.

Speaker 2 You know that it's true, friends.

Speaker 2 I love bright bright. I love you.

Speaker 2 I love Champagne.

Speaker 2 They got broccoli.

Speaker 2 with a chicken. Egg is spice, see it's a spice.
And you like a dance.

Speaker 2 Cause it's beautiful

Speaker 2 and it tastes so, so, so good.

Speaker 2 I like your egg rolls and the rong tongue too.

Speaker 2 Dance makes me feel so, so good.

Speaker 2 Port your cookies,

Speaker 2 some of us.

Speaker 2 Chinese, Chinese food.

Speaker 2 This is fantastic.

Speaker 2 This is fantastic.

Speaker 2 I too love Chinese food.

Speaker 2 I too love Chinese food. I know you do love Chinese food.
I know you too. You know that? I too.

Speaker 2 I too love Chinese food. I love Chinese food.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you know in five years what she's going to be

Speaker 2 where

Speaker 2 there's it's a fetish

Speaker 2 yeah in five years dude she can be living in fucking Thailand dude really Really? If you have a long fingernail all painted fucking pink, hot pink. Wow.
Right? She's going to have a weird surgery.

Speaker 2 She is. She is? Yeah, yeah.
You think this girl, that's the path she's taking. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 She's going to have a boyfriend that has a moped for sure. Get on.
Beep, beep, beep. Beep, beep.
Right?

Speaker 2 And this is a.

Speaker 2 This is a fetish, intro to fetish. It's also a dark path she's leading.
Oh, really? We have to stop it now. We have to cut this off? No.
I think you got to let her run. Oh, you do? Yeah.
Why?

Speaker 2 Well, you like white girls.

Speaker 2 Why can't Chinese guys have white girls?

Speaker 2 So you're blocking Chinese from getting white girls. I don't, yeah.
You only like it. If it was, I like Korean food.
Well, that'd be better.

Speaker 2 That song doesn't exist. It doesn't, yeah.

Speaker 2 Alice in Gold. Alice in Gold.
It's a deep. Okay.
Well, it's from a long time ago. What, Billboard Hot 100 singles? What the fuck? Wow.
It entered the Billboard Hot 100 singles, dude.

Speaker 2 Click on her profile. Where is she now? Yeah, where is she now? I bet you she's in Thailand.

Speaker 2 She released another single.

Speaker 2 It did not chart.

Speaker 2 It was just the alphabet, the portion of it.

Speaker 2 God,

Speaker 2 she does know that someone already captivated that market, you know? Yeah.

Speaker 2 ABCDEFG.

Speaker 2 The guy that wrote that, ABCD, EFG, H-A-J-K, L-M-M-A-P, Q-R-S-T-V, W-X-Y-Z,

Speaker 2 billionaire.

Speaker 2 Really? Billionaire. I don't even know if I know the song anymore.
A B C D E. There's another

Speaker 1 fuck song about AB C D F G too. What is it? A B C D E F you and your mom and your sister.

Speaker 2 Okay, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, dude.
I don't like that kind of stuff. I don't like that.
It's too aggressive. I don't like that kind of stuff.
Yeah. F you and your mom.
Your mom and your sister?

Speaker 2 Yeah. What about your brother and your dad?

Speaker 1 I think she also says that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she got to get the whole family. What's that?

Speaker 2 That I don't like. It's the video.
That's the music video. For what? right

Speaker 2 hey oh yeah you were wrong about the fetus oh yeah

Speaker 2 wasn't wrong

Speaker 2 it went it went darker than i thought right yeah now i know what happened right it was like asians were her like you know um cigarette right right

Speaker 2 intro

Speaker 2 was right you know she's like 14 you know yeah i like chinese food right and that's at 16 right she's wearing a soprero

Speaker 1 right Is Asian fetish really bad? Like, what if they really, like, love the person?

Speaker 2 It's impossible to like Asians that much. It's incredible.
It's impossible to like Asians that much. No, I mean, that's not true to say that.

Speaker 2 It's impossible to love Asians that much. It's not a truth.

Speaker 2 It's the most insane thing I've ever done. Of course.
You're kidding.

Speaker 2 No, what do you mean? Is it bad to do to fetishize?

Speaker 1 Like, they have an Asian fetish, but once they meet up and get together, they actually love the person.

Speaker 2 of course you say well fetish they just like they just also just like the Asian but he said when you say fetish I think he's saying when you fetishize something it's almost like you

Speaker 2 doesn't make any sense to me you don't receive that if you only like peanuts is that right now

Speaker 2 zoom in and you're eating peanuts It's a desire with gratification strongly linked to a particular object activity to the part of the body other than the sexual organs.

Speaker 2 So you have a fet, you're fetishizing something. Yeah, but without the race or whatever that is, you wouldn't like them.
You wouldn't like them. Right.
So you like the...

Speaker 2 That's that has to be

Speaker 2 a part of it. Do you have any fetishes?

Speaker 1 Is there a white fetish?

Speaker 2 Well, I mean, I feel like the numbers don't lie. You know what I mean? We're doing pretty good.
Oh, really? The girl that you submit yesterday, would you think she was white?

Speaker 1 No, but I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 What was she last? Yesterday. Mexican? Exactly.

Speaker 1 Thank you. I'm just saying.

Speaker 2 But yes, there's a white fetish. For minorities to like whites, there's of course a white fetish.
There's minority women that have fetishes for white people.

Speaker 2 There's a girl that I'm seeing now that her previous last four boyfriends, she's white, have been Asian-y.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Either half or full.

Speaker 2 This goes both ways on all sides. Okay.
Everyone has a, if that's your flavor, the Kardashians,

Speaker 2 they only date black guys, except for the one.

Speaker 2 Which one? I don't know the name. There's one girl that doesn't dip black guys.
She's married to the guy, the white guy on the show.

Speaker 1 Courtney?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, Travis Barker. I mean, he painted himself enough

Speaker 2 oh my god

Speaker 2 what are you trying to say

Speaker 2 I got it he has so much tattoos that he's trying to be black or he's not or he's not white anymore

Speaker 2 yeah yeah

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ Jesus Christ look at that that is that is legit yeah that's all of them that's all of them you think that's sexy yeah

Speaker 2 wow You're full. You ever go to a tattoo artist? He goes, you're full.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're done.
The tattoos on the head thing is mind-blowing to me. That would hurt so much.

Speaker 2 Well, you never had a tattoo, right? No, but I just doesn't hurt. The head tattooed's gotta hurt.
I don't know. People go, it's hurt.
It doesn't. Have you had a tattoo? No.

Speaker 2 It doesn't really hurt that much. The head's gotta hurt.
Look at this. The temple.
The eyeballs, maybe, but not the head, right? This temple is so sensitive. Oh, maybe.
Maybe you're right.

Speaker 2 I mean, I don't want to. I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 2 I just can't. I don't.
I can't imagine

Speaker 2 the head. The most sensitive areas are your neck,

Speaker 2 your vagina, your butthole, the back of your front of your knees, and your feet.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That's why when you see those, is it the tongue? The Maori? Is it the Maori people that get the...

Speaker 2 Oh, right. That is, that is, must be so painful right here.
Because it goes from your lip to your neckline. Do people get them on their gums? People get them in their mouth all the time.
On the gums.

Speaker 2 They say they...

Speaker 2 It doesn't hurt. In here? Yeah, it doesn't hurt.
You don't have any tattoos, are you? Oh, whoa, look at that. No, but I have a that looks cool, dude.
You have a what? The black?

Speaker 1 The one that has the tattoo.

Speaker 2 That looks like you.

Speaker 2 Well, because I have gingivitis. What are you talking about, dude? Dude, this guy.
Do you have

Speaker 2 you today? I already told you I had

Speaker 2 some bad things happening, and then you're like,

Speaker 2 and then you're just attacking me like that. He's not attacking you.
You do have gingivitis.

Speaker 2 Does it look like I have black gums? No. Honestly.
No, they're like brown. Yeah.
Yeah, but it's not bad.

Speaker 2 They're not black. They're Mexican.
I know, but I know, but have you looked at? No, I'm not being paranoid. Teeth Teeth look totally normal to me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so you never, because you never said anything like, hey, dude, you should get that. Let me see, smile.
You have great teeth. Yeah, but what the fuck are you saying then? He's just egging you on.

Speaker 2 A joke about that. I'm sorry.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Do you ever go to the dentist?

Speaker 2 No. Yes.
The guy from Glendale, whatever. You've seen that guy, right? Yeah.
Yeah, I like him. How often? It's been like eight years, but.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, there's a tooth hanging out right now.
Put it back in. Yeah, yeah.
Be honest with me. Yeah.
Have you flossed ever? I flossed lately, yes. Now I get it.
Every day? I've been trying to, yeah.

Speaker 2 How many days a week, really? Because of the beef.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 So in Hawaii, they had that dried beef jerky.

Speaker 2 You have like crispy beef jerky chips. I love that.
Right? Yeah. But for some reason, they get lodged in between my teeth and they stay in there for like three days.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 Buddy, you got to floss it out. I know, but so one had been, and she, and I was with somebody, and she was like, it smells like that beef jerky.
I haven't had beef jerky in three days.

Speaker 2 You're like, I know, isn't it good? Yeah, yeah. And then, so, and then I realized there was like in between my teeth, beef jerky, so I tossed them out.
That happens, that's not embarrassing.

Speaker 2 That happens all the time.

Speaker 2 Beef jerky in the teeth.

Speaker 2 That's that's that happens to all of us all the time. Yeah.
Okay? Yeah, yeah. You're not alone on this island.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You feel better? I guess you're right. Thank you.
Yeah. I just, you know, you attack me with that.
Who, me? No, no, he's attacking the shit out of you today.

Speaker 2 What's your deal? Why are you so uppity and throwing darts at people? I don't know. I just feel good.
You feel good?

Speaker 2 Oh, is that what it is? When you feel good, you like to attack, huh? Yeah, yeah. It's so funny.
But it's never him, though. Have you noticed that? And I'm not complaining.

Speaker 2 I'm grateful to be here, but I'm just saying, I love the show and I love you guys. But it's just, I just kind of look at it and I go, why him? Why not him? I mean, he talks shit about me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he never

Speaker 2 on the show, though. Not around, yeah.
Yeah, when it's, I'm not around. I'm scared.
You know, hey, Andrew, your skin's too pink. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 Tito Andrew's scarier than you.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Thank you.
Oh, that's right. So if everyone, let's get into that.
If people don't know about the show,

Speaker 2 what do you do with your face? I'm just waiting to hear what you have to say. Right, so the power dynamics of the show is

Speaker 2 what?

Speaker 2 Here we go. Here we go.
So the power of the dynamics of the show is:

Speaker 2 Andrew is, let's suppose that this is a kingdom, right? That he would be the, you know,

Speaker 2 a king? The false king.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 He's like,

Speaker 2 the false king. He's the king, but not like blood.

Speaker 2 He's not royal blood. That's a redhead thing.
No, it's not a redhead attack. Like, I'm not born pure.
Wow. Like, I'm a mutt.

Speaker 2 But the blood's not pure, no. Okay.
Yeah. And that's not, you're the king.
I just gave you the props. And what are you? That's exactly what I'm saying.
I'm the king.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I have pure blood, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. But I let you,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean, sit on the throne.

Speaker 2 Right? I let him sit on the throne, and I'm like, kind of like, you know who I am? Louis XV. No, Aragorn.
I don't know who that is. From Lord of the Rings.
He's supposed to be the king, right?

Speaker 2 Strider.

Speaker 2 I'm supposed to be king, but I'm out. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You do have a lot of similarities to kings. Bloated,

Speaker 2 gout-ridden.

Speaker 2 But here's the. There we go.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Look up Fattest King. Yeah.
There you are.

Speaker 2 Beep, bop, boop. And he's in yellow.
Ironically. There you are.
Yeah. Okay.
Henry VIII, right? He was a glutton. Wasn't Henry VIII like the fattest fucking king of all time? That's him.

Speaker 2 Look at the size of this moose.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Half Asian.

Speaker 2 So anyway, let's be real. You're the king.
No. You're the real king.
No, here's the power dynamic to the show, okay?

Speaker 2 Is

Speaker 2 you are the boss.

Speaker 2 So I know it's a 50-50 enterprise,

Speaker 2 but I let you.

Speaker 2 I don't let you. You make most of the decisions.

Speaker 2 Am I not right? Let's be honest. Well, someone has to get up and do it.
Exactly. And I let you do it.
No, no, no. I have to do it.
You have to do it now. If I don't do it, it doesn't happen.

Speaker 2 But I also go do it. No, you never have to be able to do it.
Yeah, I go, get it. No.

Speaker 2 You're too lazy to do it. That's not it.
That is a hundred. That's insane.
No, I'm a guy that goes, you know what I mean? I understand, but I'm going to let him have, make the decisions.

Speaker 2 That's not true.

Speaker 2 You don't have the knowledge of the wherewithal. In fact, you don't even communicate with your fucking assistant of your own schedule.

Speaker 2 How could you make decisions if you don't even know how to schedule your own schedule? I purposely do that so I give you the fucking schedule. No, you do that because you're fucking lazy.

Speaker 2 I'm not here. Dude, bro.
You started this. I'm not, no.
You fucking started all the.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm not, dude. Did I start this? I'm not.

Speaker 2 You fucking started. I'm not starting anything.
I'm just telling you what the power dynamics of the show.

Speaker 2 I'm letting the people know how the show is run. They know.

Speaker 2 They all fucking know. Okay.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Do you think they think? That's what I don't know, and I want to know.
You think they think the slept king is the organizer? They know not. Okay.
They know not to know.

Speaker 2 They know not to know. Yeah, okay.
They know that you are a beautiful entity that needs its beauty rest. Right.
And I like to organize. Right.
So you're the organizer, right? It is a 50-50 enterprise.

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 2 What are you laughing at? On camera.

Speaker 2 Oh, what are you saying? Off camera, it's not. Off camera,

Speaker 2 you don't organize any of this bullshit. No, but it's a 50-50.

Speaker 2 Yes. Talent-wise.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're my brother. Right, right.
Well, and also. Okay, 45-45, 10.

Speaker 2 Right. She's very talented.

Speaker 2 She's an important part of the show. And these three guys, take them or leave them.
Yeah. And then these guys act as buffoons.
Stop it.

Speaker 2 No. These guys act as a very integral part of the organization.
We need them. We need them very much.
So

Speaker 2 in terms of my relationship with them,

Speaker 2 they're pretty much, aside from Andreas, these two are moral handlers for me. You're the wacky uncle who comes into town.
So

Speaker 2 this is what pissed me off today.

Speaker 2 I'm going to just get into it. Let's get into it.

Speaker 2 I'll show it right here, dog. So shoot move to 7.30 tonight, he says.
But then I emphasized it two hours later because he did. Exclamation marks, which made me mad.
Yeah, you know you can't do that.

Speaker 2 You can't do that. That doesn't make sense.

Speaker 2 Because then I said to you that, like, he already gave me the information yeah no i just like i don't act that you know i know i'm in direct contact with him 24 7. oh what about david spade

Speaker 2 i slept through that i made a mistake but that has nothing to do with me not knowing i knew i would get in trouble for that is what i'm saying so i wanted to be on top of it andrew would get mad at me if you were here at a weird time okay i don't know why you brought up spade that was a bad move

Speaker 2 it was it was why it was evidence because why are you poking the bear you're poking the bear dude because he was really

Speaker 2 he was horny

Speaker 2 the bear, dude.

Speaker 2 How'd you bring that up? Bro, what did you do before the shoot? What shoot? You peed on this one. We're on right now.

Speaker 2 I can't believe.

Speaker 2 Bro. Bro.
Bro.

Speaker 2 I can't believe that you are. You're soaked with lies.

Speaker 2 Dude, you're the lying fucking gesture. In this kingdom, you're the lying gesture, dude.
And you, dude, some people, you're the guillotine, dude. Bro.

Speaker 2 In in the medieval times, you've been the guillotine. What are you trying to accuse me of?

Speaker 2 Peeing on the court jester's

Speaker 2 coach. Okay.

Speaker 2 Say what you're claiming. Yeah, what do you claim? He peed on my Mercedes.
That he bought

Speaker 2 basically. He peed on your car.
That I bought. Do you have any proof of this?

Speaker 2 I took a video of Andres looking at a puddle. And we can go lick it and see if it tastes like pee.
Send McCone out there to lick it. McCone, go lick.
No.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. You're claiming that Bobby urinated on your vehicle.
That's so. Yeah.
And like where you would pump the gas, too. So I have to touch that area now.
Bob, did you pee on his car? Did you?

Speaker 2 You saw me here, right? I didn't see you pee on his car. I know, but did you see me? Yeah, so you had your eyes on me the whole time.
I've seen you the whole time. Right.

Speaker 2 You were, you know, did I pick up the cigarette? I didn't see it. I didn't see that.
And the case is closed.

Speaker 2 And that, I apologize. I just feel like the

Speaker 2 in this kingdom is so corrupt.

Speaker 2 No, apologize, dude.

Speaker 2 For being soaked in lying. I'm a Menendez brother now, dude.
You're I'm gonna watch it. I haven't seen the document.
I'm gonna do it. I can't wait to see it.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna watch it tonight, but apologize, please.

Speaker 2 Interesting. No, dude, I can't.
You peed on my car. I didn't pee on your car, dude.
You know what? I feel you. That's fucking insane.
I didn't pee on your car. You're telling everyone

Speaker 2 I did not pee on your car. It's illegal, too.

Speaker 2 It's public indecency or whatever. That's insane.
Apologize.

Speaker 2 Apologize. I didn't pee on your car.
Apologize. I'm sorry, sir.
Okay, I pee it on your car.

Speaker 2 I pee it on your car, dude. I pee it on your car.
That was a good liar. Yeah, yeah.
Hey, what? What? What, what's up?

Speaker 1 I was just going to say that Titobabi has a tendency to do that because he even pees on a cup in his room.

Speaker 2 Yes, he will pee in a cup in his room. Okay, what?

Speaker 2 Sometimes. No, what are you saying? Well,

Speaker 2 that's the next level.

Speaker 2 I don't pee in the cup in my room. Okay, that's crazy.

Speaker 1 You can't in the garage in your gaming room where I have to clean.

Speaker 2 Okay, back then I did.

Speaker 2 You're saying the past. A couple years ago.
Yeah, yeah. Because it was so far down and I'm playing.
Listen, when you're playing Warzone with your with

Speaker 2 your fire team. You can't walk away.
Right? And I'm like, I and I have to pee real bad. I'm like, hold up, right? And I'm like, I'll crouch down and then I'll, you know, pee in a cup.
I'm here.

Speaker 2 I'm still here, right?

Speaker 2 And then I'll pee and then I'll go I'll do this later. What kind of cup? Like a sometimes it was like coffee.

Speaker 2 Like a no, like a sometimes a coffee coffee cup but sometimes also like sometimes like an empty bottle of water like plastic

Speaker 2 wow you can get it in there yeah

Speaker 2 you have a thin dick dude all right i have a thin dig right that that's rude i've seen it it's great all right what you're doing is rude i didn't i'm sorry

Speaker 2 he did pee on your car it was very funny it was very laughing we did it as a joke Yeah. I go where the laugh is.

Speaker 2 He goes right for the laugh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Also,

Speaker 2 then be honest on your side. If we're going to be honest over here, that he peed on your car.
He did not pee on. He peed on your tire.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He peed on your wheel.
No. Well, am I wrong? I think you are, actually.
Where did he pee? Just above the tire, and it hit the body of the car. I wanted to get the whole tire.

Speaker 2 Only half a tire, dude. If you don't, if you don't, he's right, though.
You gotta start with the top. Well, because angle-wise, it has to go.
I see. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah

Speaker 2 sprinkle yeah i mean i i could have opened the door and peed inside it was that would that wouldn't have been bad that would have been bad yeah yeah yeah you're welcome then thank you it was unlocked yeah he could have crossed the line there yeah i'm sorry where's the weirdest uh place you've peed

Speaker 2 what's the strangest in a mouth you have peed in someone's mouth

Speaker 2 have you peed on

Speaker 2 have you peed on somebody yeah you've done that yeah and they said please pee on me they were like into it i know where i peed and i can't say I'm going to trouble for this. Please.

Speaker 2 Please.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get into so much trouble for this. Please.

Speaker 2 I peed at the

Speaker 2 in right on the side of the stage. No way.
No way. Yeah, because have you been there? Yeah.
If you have to walk to the backstage, there's no bathroom back there.

Speaker 2 The only way to go to the bathroom is the front of the fucking venue. And you had to pee so bad.
So I'm back there and they're about to bring me up and I'm like, oh, fuck, I gotta pee.

Speaker 2 And I just peed on the wall. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. A lot?

Speaker 2 As much as I peed on his car. That's a lot.
That was a lot. That was a huge puddle.
In my mind, I was like, while I was on stage, I was like, I'm going to clean it when I get off.

Speaker 2 I was going to spray it down.

Speaker 2 With what? What? There's a hose nearby? No, like

Speaker 2 a bottle of water or whatever. Just to wash it.
Yeah, I washed it away. Yeah, yeah.
And I completely forgot. Well, you know, now.
Sorry. Yeah, but I love that club.
Please, I'm going to work it again.

Speaker 2 I'll never do that again. Okay.
Okay. Where's the weirdest place you've peed?

Speaker 1 I'm a girl. I can't just pee anywhere.
I wish I had a dick.

Speaker 2 No, you don't wish you did had a dick. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Or you don't. Like a dick.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a dick tube? Yeah. A piss tube.
You guys should have a piss tube. They make those.
Oh, that's cool. That's cool.
You're going to get one of those. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That is very cool. That's pretty cool.
You pee anywhere. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I was on a radio station once, and

Speaker 2 my ass crack was so exposed on their white couch that it left a brown streak right and so then the next time I was at the radio station station, they got a new couch, but they cut out the streak and they framed the fucking

Speaker 2 in my honor.

Speaker 2 Would you ever get a piercing on your balls?

Speaker 1 That would be cool, Tito Bobby.

Speaker 2 On my balls? People pierce their nuts all the time. No, no, no.
The Prince Albert goes through your wiener, but the other one just goes through your balls. Scrotum piercing.

Speaker 2 That'd be tight. A little dumbbell right there? Or a little, just like a little nose ring, but on your

Speaker 2 balls.

Speaker 1 There's like a porn guy that I remember that has

Speaker 2 that. There's a porn guy that has

Speaker 2 in a weird way, that could be like Dune Part 3 is a fucking poster.

Speaker 2 In a weird way, right? Dune 3. You know what I mean? Dude, well, that'd be Dune 2.
Oh, look at those hills. What? That's Dune 2.
Two rings. Two rings.
Yeah, yeah. Wow, look at that.
Okay.

Speaker 2 This is a thing that, oh my god. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, thanks. Yeah, pass.

Speaker 2 I pass on that. You know what we should do? We should get your tongue pierced, Bob.
No, I'm not. Please.
No. I'm not getting piercings through that.
That's a stupid thing. How about your nose?

Speaker 2 No, I don't want to do any of that. Your septum, you'll never see.
Yeah, I'm not in

Speaker 2 your ear. I've had it pierced.
Oh. When did you have your ear pierced? Right here, this one.
You can even feel the cartilage. Right here.
I never knew you with an ear piercing. What?

Speaker 2 You never wore an earring when I met you. No, I did it when I was 17.
That's rad. I had a little bit of a bad boy.
Yeah, yeah. Was it both pierced or just one?

Speaker 2 What? Both or just one? Just one. Yeah.
Yeah. Left side.
And then my dad was like just so so mad about it.

Speaker 2 We're eating beeb and bob. And he looks at me and he goes, oh, you, you gay.

Speaker 2 Like, I'm not gay. No, you're gay.

Speaker 2 He kept saying that. He's right.
Yeah. Why was it that your left side was not gay, your right side was gay when we were a kid? Why was that a whole thing? Both was fine.
Left was fine. Right was gay.

Speaker 2 Who started that? That's something that she doesn't know about. No.
Yeah, when we were kids, if you had one in your right ear only,

Speaker 2 it was gay. If you you had one in your left, it was straight.
But if you had both, it was totally fine. Oh, it's called the gay ear myth.
Signaling. Signaling.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Rich history of Julia being shown off to show wealth, nobility, or status, but then it was used to show off sexual preference.

Speaker 1 That's cool.

Speaker 2 So this was like a code. It was like tipping.
I see.

Speaker 2 Interesting. The effects of the gay ear.

Speaker 2 It became common for men to secretly communicate their sexuality by wearing an earring in their right ear.

Speaker 2 By the 90s, it became so widely accepted as a secret code that it was an article about in the New York Times.

Speaker 2 After that, there weren't many questions about which ear was the gay ear, left or left for straight men, right for gay men. Interesting.

Speaker 2 But you know who can pull it off without sexual orientation ties? Who? Black dudes. There'd be black dudes when we were young that would have a right earring in and no one would say anything.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, I just gotta fucking text that. That'd make me so mad.
What is it?

Speaker 2 I left $3,000 in my hotel.

Speaker 2 Cash? Yeah. Why did you have $3,000 cash in your hotel? Loves cash.
I love cash. What would you need $3,000 for?

Speaker 2 Well, because sometimes my cards don't work.

Speaker 2 How much are you eating?

Speaker 2 A lot. Well, like, you're not going out drinking.
You're not going out gambling. No.
Like, what do you need that much cash for? There's no chance you're spending three grand on dinner.

Speaker 2 It's safety.

Speaker 2 I feel safe.

Speaker 2 Well, you should feel unsafe because you just lost it.

Speaker 2 No, I left it in the safe.

Speaker 2 I I left it in the safe.

Speaker 2 That makes me feel unsafe. How did they know? Did somebody open the safe and find it? No, I left the hotel.
I came back to L.A., and I go, fuck, I left $3,000 in the safe.

Speaker 2 They're never going to give it back to you. So I just, then we went out to them and goes, here's his code.
There's some money in there.

Speaker 2 And they're like, well, we'll just put it back into his credit card. Can they do that?

Speaker 2 I think maybe. I mean, that seems strange.
Could they do that?

Speaker 2 Can they do that? Probably.

Speaker 2 It seems

Speaker 2 It seems shady.

Speaker 2 But it's the Ritz.

Speaker 2 Oh, they'll do it for you. They'll do it, right? They'll do it for you.
Yeah, they're a high-end. A five-star hotel would do it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Any other stars, you're not getting that.

Speaker 2 So that's, I should do that. I think that's fine.
Or they say, we'll send you a check, but I'll just put it back into the thing then. Put it back into the thing.
Okay, good, good.

Speaker 2 Put it back into the thing. Yeah.
Here's another thing, and this is a dangerous path. I'm going to just show you because

Speaker 2 I don't know what else to talk about. Take me down that road.
This is what I've been doing all day.

Speaker 2 I'm pretty sure

Speaker 2 what is that? Send the photos

Speaker 2 to Carlos, Jules. What's been going on with you, though? Is there any new news to share? Um, I think I have narcolepsy,

Speaker 2 really, really, yeah. Tell me about the narcolepsy.

Speaker 1 Well, my aunt, she also has narcolepsy, and she gave me um a medicine for it, and then she decided to try this because I always, because I'm always so tired, I feel so heavy in the morning.

Speaker 1 I just like my brain is just always so empty.

Speaker 2 Have you ever fallen asleep while driving?

Speaker 1 No, but I can sleep anywhere immediately.

Speaker 2 Like right now, you could go to sleep. Yeah.
Yeah, she has a sleep thing for sure. So do you.
No, but she can sleep like right now. So can you? That's right.

Speaker 2 What is this thing? Guess.

Speaker 2 I mean, is it a mold of your penis? Are you molding your penis? No, no, no, I'm not molding your penis. No, huh?

Speaker 2 This is what I've been making. What have you been making? It's kava, dude.

Speaker 2 You're making kava?

Speaker 2 Yeah, dude. What the fuck are you talking about? Kava, dude.
What kava? The root. What are you doing? Are you making drugs? Is this new drug? It's not a drug.
No, I'm not saying it's not.

Speaker 2 Drugs I don't know about? It's not a drug. I'll tell you what happened.
So I'm in Hawaii. Okay.

Speaker 2 And I'm with Gene. Mm-hmm.
You and my buddy Gene? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And we're at the Cove. The Cove.
Yeah. The best assay bows, don't you think? Mm-hmm.
In Hawaii. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So, you know, we're regulars there. So, you know, they came up to us and here's here's some of this.
And it's like a glass of like muddy water. Uh-huh.
That. Kava.
Yeah. And I drank it.

Speaker 2 And we were both like

Speaker 2 you're not high, but we were just like,

Speaker 2 yeah. It's supposed to it's a calming agent.
It's a calming agent. Wow.
And so I got some kava and I brewed some at home. So it's a root.
It's a kava. It's a root.
And you break it down in the middle.

Speaker 2 You don't get high. Did you strain that?

Speaker 2 You're supposed to strain it, but I didn't have

Speaker 2 a cock cloth strainer. It's cheesecloth.
Yeah. It's a cheesecloth.
It's called a cheesecloth. Yeah.
So I used a t-shirt.

Speaker 2 I thought it's the same kind of

Speaker 2 theory. Drinking kava during recovery, is it a relapse? Is it? No.
It's not. Nope.
It can affect the brain similarly to alcohol and narcotics, but

Speaker 2 it could be a helpful tool in managing cravings. Right.
Yeah. Alternative to consuming alcohol or illicit drugs, it's a healthy alternative.

Speaker 2 So I drank some last night before I went to bed, and I slept for like 14 hours. Give me some of of your kava.
Dude, kava's the best. Dude, Bobby Kava.
Yeah. I'm Babby Kava.
I'll give you the powder.

Speaker 2 You can make it at home. Got it.
Yeah, yeah. I can make it myself.
You don't have to go buy kava root somewhere. No, I have the powder.
Did you order it off Amazon or something?

Speaker 2 No, I got it at the Cove. Oh, you brought it back? Yeah, yeah, I brought it back with me.

Speaker 2 Did you clarify that when you got to the border? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You didn't declare it, did you? Well, now you've outed yourself. Oh, yeah.
Arrest me for kava powder. But you can buy some.
Can you buy some kava powder here online? Yeah. It's totally legal, right?

Speaker 2 Totally legal. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But it really helped me with my sleep. I took mushrooms the other night.
That's helped me with my sleep. Whoa.
Whoa. It was great.
I didn't take mushrooms in a lot. Like a lot? No, just a little bit.

Speaker 2 We had just a little something, something. It really jazzed me up.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you perform with it? No, no, no. We were in the woods.

Speaker 2 Oh. Why is it when you're super drunk you call me? Because I love you.
But it's weird. I love you.
And then whenever you call, you're with friends, you always go, hey, my little Chinese guy.

Speaker 2 I didn't say that. Something like that, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, little man, little man. You know what I mean? No, I say that.
And you guys all laugh.

Speaker 2 What's up? It's not true. See, now you're lying to the audience.
No, what do you do, though? I call you. But you say little things.

Speaker 2 First of all, when I called you,

Speaker 2 I don't call you all the time like that because I don't like to call you when I'm talking. You call me on stage, too.
I love calling you on stage. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But I called you because I was with friends and we were talking about you, and my friends were saying how much they love you. And I was like, well, I want to call them.
Yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because I always call you back. You always.
Well, you answered that time, and then I was in fear for my life for a second of it. Why? I was tripping a little bit.
Oh, you were high too? You were

Speaker 2 seeing things? Were you seeing things? Not seeing things. I was just feeling the wave.

Speaker 2 When you're out, just sort of like playing around,

Speaker 2 it takes you away from what is really important, I think. What's really important?

Speaker 2 The quiet times.

Speaker 2 Like sitting there with a girl looking in your eyes, right?

Speaker 2 And sometimes you move attach heads in bed, right?

Speaker 2 And know, you can make little nicknames, nicknames.

Speaker 2 Hey, Mongo.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? You kind of hit your head against her. Mongo.
Yeah, Mongo. Mongo, Mongo.
Hey, Mongo. Right?

Speaker 2 And you go.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 So aggressive. Too much? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a love tap. It's a love tap.
You go, hey, Mongo. Like that, right?

Speaker 2 And they're like, ow, right? Shh, shh, mongo, quiet. Yeah, mongo quiet, right? Quiet mongo.
Yeah. Mongo.

Speaker 2 Get me. No, seriously.
I love you. You have to say that.
You have to say that. I love you.
I love being with you. Headbock.
Right.

Speaker 2 Make me a sandwich.

Speaker 2 Can you please make me a sandwich? You miss the quiet times. Yeah, I like those times.
Right? And then.

Speaker 2 Let's get you back. Or, you know, when you're watching something with somebody,

Speaker 2 you know, you're watching it. Like a sunset.

Speaker 2 Oh. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You miss those.
I miss it. Let's put it out to the world.

Speaker 2 You're ready. So I was watching The Penguin last night by myself.
Yeah. I know you haven't seen it.
I haven't. But I was going, what an interesting character.
The Penguin. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I also thought to myself, why isn't there more?

Speaker 2 More.

Speaker 2 Why doesn't Batman have more enemies?

Speaker 2 Well, The Joker was big. It's just not enough.
Because they're recycling. They're recycling through the fucking on all the movies.

Speaker 2 I think the next one, I think the Scarecrow's back for the next next one, right? But look at how many. The Joker, Hugo Strange, Penguin,

Speaker 2 Clayface, Mr. Freeze, Man Bat, Bane, Killer Croc, Too Face, Dead Sheep, Boys Ivy.
This is a lot of fucking energy. I know, but you...
No, but let me... I have a...

Speaker 2 Can I say something? Yeah, that's 30 guys. I know, I understand that.
But you can't use the Killer Croc.

Speaker 2 Okay. How about this then? Because you can't, you know, because all the Batman movies now are based in reality, right? So it's like, you know, The Riddler was just a serial killer.

Speaker 2 Okay, but Catwoman made it through, and that's a that is they recycle them, okay. But Catwoman, get some new ones that are human-based.
That's so many, yeah. What? You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like their calligraphy, Raz Al Ghul. Oh, Raz Alga.
But they're going to use, yeah, we already did that. Okay.
We got to find other ones. Like, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Calligraphy is not a good enemy name. Black Mask.

Speaker 2 What? Black Mask. Oh, that, yeah.
Black Mask. Yeah, but he's not.
Woke enough. What?

Speaker 2 What did you say? It's not woke enough. It's got to be woke.
Oh, it's got to be, yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, what if Black Mass transitioned? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hush. What if they transitioned? What if they? Sorry.
I apologize.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Man, bat.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can't do that, guy. The Philippines.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
That's just a Filipino with wings. I come to kill you, Batman.

Speaker 2 You're going to go down, Batman. Yeah.
Batman, you die, Batman. Yeah.
But why do they always recycle them? Because if you, because nobody, look,

Speaker 2 people are afraid of new property. They want the old stuff.
Give them the old shit. They want the stuff they've seen before.
They want the stuff that's familiar with them. I guess you're right.

Speaker 2 But we all like the flavor that we know. Yeah.
You know? Yeah. Like, how would you do poison ivy in this more realism Batman?

Speaker 2 The same way they did Catman.

Speaker 2 Catman. But she uses plants to like poison people.
She has to be

Speaker 1 the, what's it, Botanis?

Speaker 2 A botanist. A botanist.
A botanist, yeah. Okay.
Yeah, she's a botanist and she and she literally gives people poison ivy. Yeah.
Yeah. Okay.
You scratch yourself to death. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Good luck with that without lidocaine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I've been strolling a lot. Here's ones I don't understand.

Speaker 2 Why do I always get the fucking eggs? Huh? What? Yeah, the mother smashing the egg on a baby's face. That was like fucking a year ago.
I still get that, though.

Speaker 1 Jesus. You're behind.

Speaker 2 You're behind. Yeah, yeah.
So I get that a lot.

Speaker 2 Or I get like riddles.

Speaker 2 I get a lot of riddles. Can I show you a riddle? Give me a riddle.
All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 Okay. Riddle me this.

Speaker 2 You have to say riddle me this. Why? Because.
Riddle me this. There.
Riddle me this.

Speaker 2 There's two fathers and two sons.

Speaker 2 Okay. Chinese riddler.

Speaker 2 Riddle me this. There's two fathers and two sons.
That'd be really hard for him to read me. Riddle me this.
Riddle to me this.

Speaker 2 There's two fathers and two sons. in a car, but there's only three people.
How?

Speaker 1 I feel like

Speaker 1 Andrew can answer this.

Speaker 2 You know that one yeah two father there's two fathers and two sons yeah but there's only three people in a car but there's two fathers and two sons right yeah it's a it's a grandfather a dad and a son right

Speaker 2 you're so good no it's it's really easy logic that's that's that's right down the road give me a riddle i don't i could i've never solved one you've never solved one no no no i get confused go ahead a train is going 30 miles an hour right yeah it leaves the station at six o'clock but there's no way there's numbers

Speaker 2 a train is is going. Oh, yeah, so

Speaker 2 I need visuals. I need a visual.
A train? Okay, this is a train. There it is.
Right? The train leaves the station. This is the station.
At 6 o'clock. Okay.
It's going 30 miles an hour.

Speaker 2 Hold on.

Speaker 2 Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm being real.

Speaker 2 Hold on, hold on, hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on.
What time?

Speaker 2 6 o'clock. I got to put 6 o'clock right here.
I put 6. Okay.
6 o'clock train. The train leaves the station at 6 o'clock.
We got to read the 6. And it's going to go 30 miles an hour.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 How do I do 30? And Tucson

Speaker 2 there.

Speaker 2 30 miles per hour. And Tucson is 40 miles away.
Whoa, Tucson?

Speaker 2 Tucson, Arizona? Tucson? Right here. So 6 o'clock.
30 miles per hour. Tucson.

Speaker 2 40 miles away. 40 miles away.
30, 40.

Speaker 2 How did the train get there

Speaker 2 at 6.30?

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, it's going 30 miles an hour, right? But it's 40 miles away. How to get there at at 6.30?

Speaker 2 It's sped up.

Speaker 2 Can it speed up? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say

Speaker 2 I'm going to say this too right now, dude.

Speaker 2 If this is a fake fucking riddle, dude,

Speaker 2 I'm going to be so fucking mad at you, dude. Okay.
It doesn't make any sense. So 30 miles per hour and it's 40.
Well,

Speaker 2 it gets there because the math just is right. He gets there at 6.30.
What's the math? Well, the 40, it'll make it if you do it. What is the math?

Speaker 2 30 miles per hour,

Speaker 2 30 miles per hour in 30 minutes. You can get there in 30 minutes, 40 miles.

Speaker 2 So the math is correct.

Speaker 2 So math's correct. Okay.
He makes it there. Sure.
Is that it? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's the riddle? Of course. Yeah, of course he makes it there.

Speaker 2 So I got it? You got it. Oh, good, dude.
Is that a real riddle? It's not. You made it up.
Yeah, I did. Give me a real one, dude.
I'm not filled with riddles. Give me a real riddle.

Speaker 2 Look, get me one at me online. Riddle me this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Riddle me this, dude.
All right, here we go. Give me a real riddle.
Don't look up at the screen. Okay.

Speaker 2 Riddle this. You don't look either because you're going to be my problem solver.
Oh, my. Kids can make it, but can never hold it or see.

Speaker 2 I got to sit next to her.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I get over there.

Speaker 2 Hold on. He'll flip the cam.

Speaker 2 Look at me. Riddle squad.

Speaker 2 These are, by the way, these are riddles for kids that I'm reading. Okay.
These are for kids. All of you should be able to figure it out.
All right, let's go. Let's go.
All right, zoom in. Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 What can kids make but can never hold it or see it? What do kids make that they can't hold or see?

Speaker 2 Fart. Laugh.

Speaker 2 Laugh. Laugh, fart.
You're both right. Noise.
Noise.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you're one for one for riddles. Okay, very, very good.
Riddle squad.

Speaker 2 USA. Let's go.
What question can you never answer yes to?

Speaker 2 Oh, did you ever kill anybody?

Speaker 2 No, you could easily answer yes to that. You could know but I didn't, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's possible. It's not possible.
I will never do it. What question could you never answer yes to? It would be impossible to even say yes.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Are you dead?

Speaker 2 That's pretty close. Are you asleep yet? Yeah, that's good.
Are you dead is even better? Don't look at the fucking. Okay, dude, where are you at? I was thinking.
Where the fuck are you at, dude?

Speaker 2 You're running a race, and at the very end, you pass the person in second place. What place did you pay? Second, second, second, second.
Bitch. Wait, wait.

Speaker 2 She's right. She's right.
She's right. Wait, I didn't even get it.
Ask it. What has 13 hearts, but no other organs?

Speaker 2 13 hearts, but no other organs. Artichoke.

Speaker 2 Very good. Is it artichoke? It's not.
Okay, that's really good.

Speaker 2 It's a fruit.

Speaker 1 13 hearts?

Speaker 2 13 hearts, but no other organs. 13 hearts.

Speaker 1 Can you give a clue?

Speaker 2 Oh, cards, deck. A deck of cards.
Yeah, it was not more than a clue. I just told you what it was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 I'm light as a feather, yet the strongest person can't hold me for five minutes. What am I?

Speaker 2 Breath. Oh, yeah, Bob.
That was so fast. That's really good.

Speaker 2 You're a math whiz. Don't look at the screen.

Speaker 2 What has many, many needles, but doesn't ever sew?

Speaker 2 Hey. It's a pine tree, but that's, we'll take it.

Speaker 2 What kind of band never plays music?

Speaker 2 Rubber. A rubber band.

Speaker 2 Honestly, you suck. I suck.
You suck. You haven't gotten one of these.
These are for you. These are for you.
Is a rubber band really the thing? Yeah.

Speaker 2 A rubber band. Okay, one more, one more, one more.
What gets bigger? Did you see it? You suck. I swear to God.
What gets bigger the more you take away?

Speaker 2 It has to do with feelings.

Speaker 2 I want it to be, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Like when you take away.

Speaker 2 Bigger. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know,

Speaker 2 your rage gets bigger

Speaker 2 when you leave more. Oh.
You know what I mean? Like a woman leaves and you get bigger with your rage and your hole in your heart. Oh.
Wow.

Speaker 2 So love?

Speaker 2 You're so close, though. Ironically, you're so close.
Well, I think it's something like that. You said it.
Yeah, yeah. What is it? A hole.
Huh? Oh,

Speaker 2 but you got there. I got there organically.
Organically in a weird way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got there. This is great.
Okay, this is dumb. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm trying different things. No, it's really good.

Speaker 1 Do you guys watch K-drama?

Speaker 2 Here we go. Do I watch K-drama? What is that? Korean shows.
Give me K-dramas.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm watching this one, Judge from Hell.

Speaker 2 It's called Judge from Hell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so she's basically a judge, but um,

Speaker 1 and he's a a demon went inside her body

Speaker 1 and her task is to kill 10 murderers who who doesn't repent, no regrets about anything that they do and it's so cool.

Speaker 2 Wow, wow, is it all in Korean? Yeah, but there's subtitles. Yeah, I hate reading.
Yeah, I really

Speaker 2 can't. Yeah, we have that it we have that in America.
It's called Judge Judy. Judge Judy, yeah.
Oh, it's the same thing. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 You know, you ever seen Judge Judy? No. I'll tell you about Judge Judy.
Tell them about Judge Judy.

Speaker 1 That's not a demon. Yes, it is.

Speaker 2 Yes, it is. That's a demon.
That is a demon, and it's fine. Look at her hand.

Speaker 2 She curses it. She curses it.
Yeah, she's not lifting her hand. The demon is.
So she's also been taken over by a demon. Yeah, yeah.
That's demon shit. That's demon shit.
Yeah. She's dark.
She's dark.

Speaker 2 Anyway, there's another Korean one. What about the one? Have you seen the North Korean one? What's it called?

Speaker 2 It's called Flyby Me. What's the plane? The lady that crashes the plane? Crash Landing? Crash Landing.
A Korean show about North Korea?

Speaker 2 No, so this lady, let me get, I haven't seen that, but this lady, right, is on a plane. She crashes in North Korea, and then she falls in love with a North Korean soldier.
Did you not?

Speaker 1 It's not a plane. She was on a

Speaker 1 parachute.

Speaker 2 She jumped out of a plane, right? Oh, so she just jumped from the ground. No, no, no, she jumped from the ground

Speaker 2 as if she's fucking Superman and then she fucking fell down in North Korea. What happened?

Speaker 1 It's the one where you use the wind, you run, and then you jump in.

Speaker 2 Oh, parasel. Paragliding.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that one. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 That makes sense. Oh, honey.

Speaker 2 Honey. Yes.

Speaker 2 Let's go paragliding today.

Speaker 2 But you know where I like to go do it? The DNZ. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes, at the DNZ. We'll go to DNZ.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because you know, we love to paraglide on the border. The wind is apple strong.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, honey, we're going.
Oh, oh, no.

Speaker 2 Makes no sense.

Speaker 1 There was a storm.

Speaker 2 Oh, a storm. A storm.
Oh, so you're. Oh, really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then she was...

Speaker 2 She's paragliding on a storm. Lands in North Korea.
And then what happens? She meets a North Korean soldier.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but she has to hide.

Speaker 2 You think there's a hot North Korean soldier? You think there's a hot North Korean fucking soldier standing there? This guy's hot. This guy's hot.
But he's South Korean. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 That's the trick. Dude,

Speaker 2 he looks like he's been eating.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he looks healthy. You think North Korean's shoulders are eating? No.

Speaker 2 Dude, there's a fucking dude.

Speaker 2 There's a North Korean,

Speaker 2 there's a North Korean Instagram site, and I get into my feed. What's it called? I don't know, but

Speaker 2 it's like basically they're making it. So basically, it's like this: who says there's no disco text in North Korea? And they'll show disco text.
Oh, it's like the government. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Who says there's no

Speaker 2 Burger King in Korea? And then it's like,

Speaker 2 is that it?

Speaker 1 Who said North Korea doesn't have McDonald's?

Speaker 1 Yes, North Korea has an even better version of the American fast food chain.

Speaker 2 Do you think they build this on a stage? Do you think it's on like a sound stage? There's people, there's actors sometimes and they get hamburgers and they don't know what to do with it.

Speaker 2 So they open it up, they go, what is this, right? And it's like, they, you know, I mean, it's their government. You can tell that there's people going, eat it

Speaker 2 behind the camera. And they get fucking scared.
You know what I mean? So crazy. Go back to that video, though.
Click on the profiles.

Speaker 2 All those videos. What are you doing, dude?

Speaker 1 Who said North North Korea doesn't have marriage?

Speaker 2 Nobody said that.

Speaker 2 No one ever said they don't have marriage there.

Speaker 2 But look at how nervous he looks. Yeah, they're all nervous.
They're so scared. They're so scared.
Look at them. Because they're going to be beaten after this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at that camera from 19. Go to Morgan.
Go differently. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what's this one? North Korea doesn't have delivery service. There's a body

Speaker 2 who's carrying a man's body. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And they bought a DHL jacket on Amazon. Yeah, yes, North Korea has a very fast and efficient delivery store.
It better be efficient.

Speaker 2 They'll kill you if it doesn't get there on time. What is yeah,

Speaker 2 who said any of this shit?

Speaker 2 No one said that.

Speaker 2 Go to more, go to more, go to more. This is insane.
There's so many more cool.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's see this general store. Well, yeah, there's a motorcycle inside of it.
The fuck kind of general store is that?

Speaker 2 Right. That looks like a weed shop.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Honey, should we get the rice or should we get

Speaker 2 a motorcycle?

Speaker 2 Yeah. We'll take two bags of rice and motorcycle.

Speaker 2 Go just keep scrolling. Can you go scroll and keep scrolling or no? Or do you have to do that? I think because it's not on the phone.
It's not like the phone. Oh, do the roller coaster one.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 North Korea doesn't have to do cat rollers.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. Dude, it just falls off of a cliff on the other side.
Do you know what North Korea don't have?

Speaker 2 A cat.

Speaker 2 A cute cat.

Speaker 2 Do you know that

Speaker 2 we have to build?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who said North Korea planes always crash?

Speaker 2 What? Nobody ever thought there wasn't fucking cars there.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. Rudy, end the show the right way.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.