Fat King & The Lying Jester

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Let me do the horn, will you? Chishat shamanic.
Baby, baby. But I learned about...
Can I tell you what I... You know, let me ask you, how many jazz musicians Can you name Every single one Well give me ten Coltrane What's his first name John That's Dude This guy dude Thanks He knows everything Keep going dude Miles Davis Good Muddy Waters He's not in that Muddy Waters is blues He's not jazz Yeah He Yeah.
He's not in it. Okay.
I refuse to let him in. Dizzy Gillespie.
Dude, that was a good one, dude. Thank you.
Dude, that's deep cut, dude. Dizzy Gillespie.
Go ahead, dude. Dizzy Gillespie.
Yeah. Etta Fitzgerald.
Ella Fitzgerald. Bro, deep cut.
No, not really.

Pretty mainstream.

Go ahead.

Mike Martinville.

There's no Mike Martinville.

He used to be an insurance salesman.

There's no Mike Martinville.

Yeah, hi, I'm Mike Martinville.

Oh, yeah, okay, baby.

You don't remember him?

Oh, yeah, avant-garde.

Yeah, avant-garde.

Avant-garde.

Yeah, yeah.

Is there a Mike Martin go? I don't think so. That's him right there.
Oh, there he is. Right there.
A Mike Martin. Vale.
Okay. He went to Vale.
It's Martin Vale. No, it was hyphenated.
He got married. He took her name.
Super progressive for the 60s. What did you learn on this doc, though? Ken Burns taught you what about jazz? What did you take away from it? sucks it really legitimately sucks no jazz is great it's terrible but here's what i learned also um what i learned about it is uh man it's terrible and also i mean you're just because i wanted to go through i went through the whole thing and i was like maybe this from 1935 to 1940 maybe i'll like get it Right.
But I never did. It never, it never took.
The only one that I really like is Billie Holiday because she's so depressing. Right.
In my solitude. And I was like, kill yourself.
Why don't you? It's so depressing. She's like a heroine.
But you don't say the same thing about rock music that does sad, depressing stuff. Why? You just don't like the physical music.
I like her. Sarah Vaughn's okay, but I just went through the whole thing, and it's like, I just asked myself why.
Why? Yeah, yeah. Well, it touches people in a certain way.
Well, you know, Louis, goddamn man. I know.

What a guy.

I know.

Died in 1971.

And Duke Ellington died in 1974.

I memorized.

You just know when they die?

No, I just kind of memorized random things, you know what I mean?

In my mind, you know what I mean?

So he died in 74 and pretty good.

You know, modern day guy is a guy named Wynton Marcellus. Ooh.
Yeah. I've seen him on Kill Tony.
No. He's good.
Yeah, no, he is good. That guy, dude.
He is pretty good, dude. Look at him.
His style is great. And then he had a brother named Brandon or Brandon Marcellus.
Marcellus Wallace. Oh, from Pulp Fiction.
Marcellus Wallace is good. I heard it.
Yeah, yeah. Very funny joke.
Did not like it. And that bandit in his neck, that's where he puts the fucking trombone.
He can blow from the back of his neck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a dolphin.
You know he's half dolphin? Yeah. Marcellus Wallace was half black,olphin, dude.
You didn't know that?

Yeah.

I almost watched Pulp Fiction last night.

We were at the house that we stayed in,

had a little movie theater,

and instead we watched.

There was a vote on what to watch,

and my vote didn't win,

but I really thought it was going to. What did they want to watch?

One guy wanted Terminator.

Another guy wanted Pulp Fiction.

Another guy wanted Wolf of Wall Street,

and I wanted Wayne's World, but Wolf of Wall Street won. Of course it did.
Wayne's World is so funny. It's so funny.
It's a great one. Front to Back is one of the funniest movies.
The amount of lines. But yes, I wanted something uplifting.
Wolf is actually super funny. It's just I wanted Wackadoo funny.
Right. But we were, dude, I forgot how funny Wolf was.
It's pretty good. I forgot the scene with McConaughey is so unbelievably funny.
Yeah. When he's doing Rudy Tudors, when he's doing the little- You're going to be so mad at me right now, dude.
Why? I never saw the movie. You've never seen Wolf of Wall Street? I refuse.
Why? I don't like wolves. I really don't.
I don't like wolves. I don't like that creature.
You know what I mean? I like dogs. You know what I mean? But I'll watch Dogs of Wall Street.
Yeah. Yeah street yeah yeah that'd be fun right little poodle good you know i mean just a boardroom of dogs barking yeah yeah i'd watch that nascott or whatever you know because they're in the wall street whatever you know what do you do what is that do you hear about this how britney furlong's dog got attacked by a coyote and it's all over the news today what do you mean got attacked like in their house at the oh my Oh my God.
In their house? Yeah. Whoa, it's in its mouth? Yeah, right there.
That's fucking wild. And then what happened? Is the dog alive? It died? I think we can't leave the dogs out.
She says. They're safe.
Yeah. Nina was safe.
I gotta call her. Don't leave the dogs out.
I gotta call her. No, should I call her? Can we play that song while she answers the phone? She's not gonna pick up from for me.
I'm going to play Who Let the Dogs Out. Dude, before, dude.
But let me get a hold of her first and then play it. Hold on.
Let me get a hold of her. Try to get her.
Yeah, before. Hold on.
Hold on, hold on. Is she going to be mad? Is this mean? Is this mean? No, the dog's alive.
The dog's alive. It's very funny, though.
Please pick up. Brittany, please pick up.
Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Who let the dogs out? Wait, is she still there? Hello? Brittany, we love you. We're just calling to make sure everything is okay.
Well, hold on. That's amazing.
Well, who did let him out, though? Yeah. You know? That's so scary and sad, though.
Eat your pizza, fat ass. Telephone number.
What did you get? From the Prince Street. Oh, it's so good.
That's my favorite. Oh, it's the Britney phone line.
Britney phone line. She can call me back.
Get the phone. Hold on.
Hello? Oh my God, you're the devil. What do you mean? We heard that.
We're doing this podcast. Fuck you and Andrew are so good.
We love you. We love you so much.
We just wanted to make sure the dog was okay. We read that it was okay.
Yeah, she's good. Good.
She's a psycho. Yep.
I know, but we just saw the video. We didn't know about it.
And it must have been, because we have dogs. It must have been intense.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
It was awful. But we have to laugh at pain.
Yeah, we have to laugh at pain and the dog didn't die no i fucking pulled her out of its mouth is she injured oh my god look at it oh my god look at it oh it's so bad i'm so sorry she's um she's like i'm gonna take her to the vet she doesn't have any like puncture ones or anything but when i touch her she's starting to cry so i think she might have something going on i'm sorry we're sorry we're sorry can i ask you what are you wearing while you're out there in a robe?

Oh, I thought you were like you're not doing yoga or anything

I'm sorry. We're sorry.
We're so sorry. Where's Tommy during this playing drums?

Okay, well tell me said hi we love you so much. You're on Bad Friends.
Okay. Wait, wait, wait, what's your podcast called with Brittany? This is the worst.
This is the worst. Check their podcast out.
Yeah, and we did, we wanted to send you love. We were initially called to say we're happy the dog's okay, but I just, I had, we had to play the song just to show you some love.
You guys are literally Satan. Okay.
I love you. Bye.
The dog's alive. It's alive.
Rudy, you know what I mean? Yeah. But who let the dogs out? This is a big nightmare for me.
This is nightmare fuel for love. It's a nightmare.
Honestly, every time, so now at night. Yeah, yeah.
This is during big nightmare for me. This is nightmare fuel for Luffy.
It's a nightmare.

Honestly, every time.

So now at night.

Yeah, yeah.

This is during the day, which is even more insane.

But they live in the hills.

Yeah.

Where there's way more coyotes by you.

Yeah, yeah.

So down by us, they sometimes get around the neighborhood.

But at night now, I walk with the dog in my arm, put her down to pee and pick her right back up.

I used to let her out.

But now I don't let her out anymore. Yeah.
Because neighbors have complained about coyotes everywhere. Isn't a cannibalistic? A coyote eating a dog? Well, they're the same species.
It's like me eating a monkey. We ate monkey last week.
Oh, that's right. Yeah, it was delicious.
Yeah, it was a really good monkey. A spider monkey.
It was so good. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're fun to catch. They are, dude.
They're the last one. You got to climb the tree, right? They made that noise.
You know what I mean? And they hate it. But my point is, dude, I just saw a video.
Did you ever see? Did I send you this? Oh, my God. I saw a video of a man eating a monkey.
It was terrifying. Pull it up.
On TikTok, I saw, like, a man cooking a turtle. I've said it once.
I'll say it again. What do you mean? It's the greatest app ever created.
Yeah, yeah. You can see a man eating a turtle.
I've said it once.

I'll say it again.

What do you mean?

It's the greatest app ever created.

Yeah, yeah.

You can see a man eating a turtle.

I got it.

I got it.

I got the monkey one.

Want to see it?

We'll send it to Carlos so he can play it for us.

All right.

So send this to...

In the meantime, Jules.

Yeah?

What's going on?

Take a bite of that pizza.

I know that's so good, isn't it?

So good.

It's one of my favorite.

Is this your favorite?

The Naughty Pie?

Naughty Pie's my favorite.

By far.

It's not even close. It's By far.
It's not even close.

It's the best.

It's not even close.

They're contending with some of my-

Here we go, here we go, here we go, here we go.

Oh, no.

Whoa, dude.

Snacking on some monk.

Yeah.

Mmm.

Just a-

The spine.

That's where the meat is, the spine.

It's insane, dude. As he's eating them, he's like, I miss you, George.
That was curious, George. Curious, George.
There he was. He got too curious, George.
I want to add, my aunt in the Philippines, she had a dog, and then the dog escaped. Went missing? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And then there was like a, like after a week there was a party, like her birthday party or something. Stop, stop.
Except for that. I love it.
I think I know where this is going. Can we guess or no? Yeah.
All right. So dog's missing.
Yeah. Then now there's a party.
Okay. What kind of party? Who party? Is it a birthday party? I think it was hers.
I don't remember, but there was a party. There was a party.
Yeah. And people just, party, right? Oh, boy, I'm hungry.
Are you hungry? Hungry. Hungry.
Hungry. Oh, did you get Jollibee? Who got Jollibee? Anybody? No, nobody got Jollibee.
Oh, fuck. And then what happens? And then her father said like, oh, try this.
Oh, okay. What's his name, the father? When someone says try this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Try this.
In the middle of the party, he has to yell it because there's a lot of party. Everyone, try this.
Try this. Yeah, yeah.
Music stops. DJ stops, right? And then they look at the dad.
And do they go, what is it? Yeah, she asked, like, what is it? And then he just said chicken. It's just chicken.
Just chicken. Just chicken.
Out of nowhere, chicken? Yeah. Just out of the blue, chicken.
So she ate it. Where did you get the chicken? I don't know, but she ate it, and she said, oh, it's really good, blah, blah, blah.
Okay, and then? And then the father laughed and said, oh, it's your dog. Oh, my God.
Which is the oldest prank in the book. It's the oldest trick in the book.
It's the oldest prank in the book. It's really a fun, it's a fun prank.
People think it tastes like a cross between beef and mutton. Very thin.
Wow. Terrible.
Would you be mad? If you ate my fucking dog. But in that context.
Oh, if someone fed me my dog? You're having a party. Yeah.
Right? I come in. Yeah.
Hey, eat this. Right? And it's my dog? And then you ask me? Yeah.
What is this? Chicken. Oh.
It's fucking chicken, dude. It's dark.
Eat it now. I'm delicious.
Yeah, yeah. And I go, ha, ha, ha.
Me and Carl, Carl, are you there? Yeah, obviously. You're obviously there.
You have to help. Who else helped do it? Yeah, yeah.
Blood on my shirt. Yeah, would you help? No, McCona wouldn't help.
Well, what did you do? Did you crock pot it? Did you put it in the oven? I want to know how you made it. We boiled it.
You boiled it. Yeah, yeah.
Terrible. Yeah, and then you ate it, and then I go, it's your dog.
Let me tell you the consequences now. I'll tell you the direct steps of action.
Tick, tick, tick. I walk in the kitchen, grab a knife, thing.
And I stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab, stab. I stab you to death.
And then I serve you at your own funeral. Oh, a wall, dude.
Pretty good. That's really.
Pretty good. Yeah, that's, you know, it was a prank, dude.
A little too far. It was a prank.
See, some people can't take pranks. That's right.
You know, it's like, you know that sometimes, you know that tree prank where people are like a tree or a bush. And they scare people.
And people walk by. And people, their general reaction is, ha, ha, ha, you got me.
Right? But sometimes you'll see a guy kick him. Yeah.
Right? And they're like, oh, you can't take him. That's you.
Kick the tree guy? Yeah, you're the kick the tree guy. There's one clip on the internet that tree guy jumps out at a handicapped girl and he feels terrible.
I love it. He scares her.
She starts crying. Let's see it.
It's awful. I love it.
This is awful. This is on kick the tree.
Did I hear you? What an asshole. See? Now, this is why guys like me kick the Bushmen.

Because you do that to a handicapped girl, and you ruin her day.

How do you feel now, pal?

How do you feel now, pal?

He wants to watch it again.

Can we play to the end now?

Where's the feeling bad part?

Does he come out?

Is she okay?

No, she's not okay. I tried to scare you, man.
Is she okay? Is she all right? Sorry about that. No problem.
That's just going to ruin that guy's day. Can I throw something out there? I don't know.
It's not that popular. Something.
A popular idea, but... Forget it.
it Go ahead I just No go ahead I don't want to give it a Let's give it a go Yeah yeah It's a process of elimination You think this is Darwinism? I just You know Survival I don't know Survival of the Take the jokers Okay got it Yeah yeah If you can't take a prank You don't deserve can't take a prank, you don't deserve to live. That's not what I was saying.
Prank or die. That's not what I was saying.
Welcome back to prank or die. Yeah.
Anyway, wow, that's incredible. I don't like the Bushman prank.
You know what I do like though? Even as a golfer, I like the guys that go to the public course and they honk their air horns while the guys are on the tee box. They get so mad.

I think it's so funny, and they freak the fuck out.

These guys, they'll do this in L.A.

They go to these golf courses, and they hide behind a wall of trees,

and then as soon as the guys are swinging, watch this.

I've always wanted one of those outfits.

Me too.

Can you get me one of those guys?

He fucking shat himself.

The real flagrant ones, the guys will be standing there.

They'll just stand. Push pause for a second.
your watch for a second? Would that bother you? It would shock me the first time Then I would realize Someone's obviously fucking with me Would it bother you? A little bit I don't think a little No, but then I would know It's a prank And you'd get over it At some point No, that's the top one They do it the whole time though The whole game. Oh yeah.
Drive me nuts. Well, they're not there the whole time.
Uh oh. By the way, the Asian, the guy that picked us up today, the driver that picked us up from the airport.
Yeah. He, he, dude, this is why I love Asians.
I love Asians. Okay, good.
This is seriously, you you know you're my favorite people on earth he's an uber driver he was in the non-uber lane he was in the the lane he's not supposed to pick people up in cop comes over starts yelling at him pretends he doesn't speak english he was like um uh i i i i i i and the guy's like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, then we get in the car. He's like, sorry about all that.
It's the best. Genius.
It's the best. And what? Cause otherwise, if the guy says anything, he's racist.
Yeah. You being racist to the guy.
He's just an Uber driver. Doesn't speak English.
Perfect. I wish I could still do that.
You can, you can get away with it. I can't cause sometimes people know who I am So you never know I guess But back in the day

Yeah

You could do it all the time

All the time

Like during fucking

Virginia Tech

What do you think I did?

Me know

Yeah Korean

I'm Chinese

Right?

You could do that

Yeah

Yeah

Not anymore

You're too famous

You're too famous

No I'm not

Yeah

I get asked about

People ask about you so much now

It's like

They love you dude

It's really fissing me off

I was telling you that yesterday dude

They love you

That's nice

Thank you. You're too famous.
No, I'm not. Yeah.
I get asked about, people ask about you so much now. It's like- They love you, dude.

Really fissing me off.

I was telling you that yesterday, dude.

They love you.

That's nice.

It is nice.

It is nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

Eat your pizza.

I want to know what's going on in your world for real, though.

Take a bite.

No, take a bite.

What is this?

I saw her I love Muro I love Charamaine Charamaine What? It's a menu They got broccoli What? Chicken Chicken Make it spicy And you like It's beautiful And it tastes so so so good I like your egg rolls And the ron tonk soup This makes so, so good Portuguese Dumbabusion Chinese, Chinese food I love Chinese food This is fantastic This is fantastic too, love Chinese food. I, too, love Chinese food.
I know you, too. I, too, love Chinese food.
Yeah. But you know in five years where she's going to be.
Where? It's a fetish. Oh.
Yeah. In five years be living in fucking Thailand dude Really? She have long fingernail All painted fucking pink Hot pink Wow Right? She's gonna have a weird surgery She is? She is? Yeah yeah Using this girl That's the path she's taking Yeah yeah I get it She's gonna have a boyfriend That has a moped for sure.
Get on. Beep, beep.
Beep, beep, right? And this is a... This is a fetish.
Intro to fetish. It's also a dark path she's leading.
Really? We have to stop it now. We have to cut this off? No.
I think you got to let her run. Oh, you do? Yeah.
Why? Well, you like white girls. Why can't other...
Why can't Chinese guys have white girls? That's... So you're blocking Chinese from're blocking Chinese from getting white girls? Yeah.
You only like it... If it was, I like Korean food, that'd be better.
That song doesn't exist. It doesn't, yeah.
Alice in Gold. Alice in Gold.
It's a deep... Okay.
It's from a long time ago. Billboard Hot 100 singles.
What the fuck? Wow. It entered the Billboard Hot 100 singles, dude.
Click on her profile. Where is she now? Yeah, where is she now? I bet you she's in Thailand.
She released another single. It did not chart.
It was just the alphabet. A portion of it.
God. Wow.
She does know that someone already Captivated that market

Yeah

A B C D E F G

The guy that wrote that

A B C D E F G H A J K L M P

U R S T U V W H Y Z

Billionaire

Really?

Billionaire

I don't even know if I know the song anymore

A B C D E F

There's another TikTok song about

A B C D F G too

What is it?

A B C D E F

Thank you. A, B, C, D, E, F.
There's another TikTok song about A, B, C, D, F, G, too. What is it? A, B, C, D, E, F, you and your mom and your sister.
Okay. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, dude. I don't like that kind of stuff.
I don't like that. It's too aggressive.
I don't like that kind of stuff. Yeah.
F, you and your mom and your sister? Yeah. What about your brother and your dad? I think she also says that.
Yeah, she got to get the whole family. Okay, what's that? That I don't like.
It's the video. That's the music video.
For what? For ABCD. Hey.
Oh, yeah. You were wrong about the fetish.
Oh, yeah. What, I wasn't wrong.
I don't know. It went darker than I thought.
Yeah. Now I know what happened.
Right. It was like, Asians were her like, you know,

cigarette.

Right.

Right.

Intro.

It was right.

You know, she's like 14,

you know,

yeah,

I like Chinese food.

Right.

And that's at 16.

Right.

She's wearing a sombrero.

Right.

Is Asian fetish really bad?

Like,

what if they really like love the person?

It's impossible to like Asians that much. It's person? It's impossible to like Asians that much.

It's incredible.

It's impossible to like Asians that much.

No, I mean, that's not true to say that.

It's impossible to love Asians that much is not a truth.

It's the most insane thing I've ever ever heard.

Of course.

You're kidding.

No, what do you mean?

Is it bad to fetishize?

Like, they have an Asian fetish, but once they meet up and get together, they actually love the person. Of course.
Well, fetish. They just also just like the Asian side.
But when you say fetish, I think he's saying when you fetishize something, it's almost like you. Doesn't make any sense to me.
You don't respect it. So let don't respect you only like peanuts oh is that right

zoom in and you're eating peanuts it's a desire with gratification strongly linked to particular

object activity the part of the body other than the sexual origin organs so you have a fet you're

fetishizing something yeah but without the race or whatever that is you wouldn't like you wouldn't

like them right so you like that that's that has to be a you know a part of it do you have any

Thank you. I'm just saying.
But yes, there's? Mexican? Exactly. Thank you.
I'm just saying.

But yes, there's a white fetish.

For minorities to like whites, there's of course a white fetish.

There's minority women that have fetishes for white guys. There's a girl that I'm seeing now that her previous last four boyfriends, she's white,

have been Asian-y.

Yeah.

Either half or full.

This goes both ways on all sides.

Okay.

Everyone has a, if that's your flavor, the Kardashians, they only date black guys, except for the one. Which one? I don't know the name.
There's one girl that doesn't date black guys. She's married to the guy, the white guy on the show.
Kourtney? Yeah. Oh, Travis Barker.
I mean, he painted himself enough. Oh, my God.
What are you trying to say? I got it. He has so much tattoos that he's trying to be black.
Or he's not white anymore. He's not completely white.
Yeah. Yeah.
Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ, look at that.
That is legit. Yeah.
That's all of them. That's all of them.
You think that's sexy? Yeah. Wow.
You're full. You ever go to a tattoo artist?

He goes, you're full.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you're done.

The tattoos on the head thing is mind-blowing to me.

That would hurt so much.

Well, you never had a tattoo, right?

No, but I just-

It doesn't hurt.

The head tattoo's got to hurt.

I don't know.

People go, it's hurt.

It doesn't-

Have you had a tattoo?

No.

It doesn't really hurt that much.

The head's got to hurt.

Look at this.

The temple-

The eyeballs, maybe, but not the head, right? This temple is so sensitive. Maybe.
Maybe you're right. I mean, I don't want to.
I'm's got to hurt. Look at this, the temple.
The eyeballs maybe, but the head, right? This temple is so

sensitive. Maybe, maybe you're right.

I mean, I don't want to, I'm not going to do it.

I just can't, I can't imagine

the head,

the most sensitive areas are

your neck, your vagina,

your butthole, the back of your

front of your knees, and your feet.

Yeah. That's why when you

see those, is it? The tongue.

The Maori, is it the Maori people that get the?

Oh, right. That is, that is, must be so painful right here.
Yeah. Because it goes from your lip to your neckline.
Do people get them on their gums? People get them in their mouth all the time. On the gums.
They say they, it doesn't hurt. In here? Yeah, it doesn't hurt.
You don't have any tattoos. Are you going to get them? Oh, whoa, look at that., whoa.
Look at that. That looks cool, dude.
You have a what? The black? The one that has the tattoo. That looks like you.
What, because I have gingivitis? What are you talking about, dude? Dude, this guy. Do you have gingivitis? What is wrong with you today? I already told you I have a bad, some bad things are happening, and then you're like, and then you're just attacking me like that.
He's not attacking you. You do have gingivitis.
Does it look like I have black gums? No. Honestly.
No, they're like brown. Yeah, but is that bad? They're not black.
They're not black. They're Mexican.
I know, but have you looked at... I'm not being paranoid.
Your teeth look totally normal to me. Yeah, so you never...
Because you never said anything like, hey, dude, you should get that... Let me see.
Smile. You have great teeth.
Yeah, but what the fuck are you saying then? He's just egging you on. I joke about that.
I'm sorry. Okay.
Do you ever go to the dentist? No. Yes.
The guy from Glendale, whatever. You've seen that guy, right? Yeah.
Yeah, I like him. How often? It's been like eight years, but yeah.
No, there's a tooth hanging out right now. Put it back in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Be honest with me.
Yeah. Have you flossed ever? I flossed lately, yes.
Now I get it. Every day? I've been trying to, yeah.
How many days a week, really? Because of the beef... Well...
What? So in Hawaii, they had that dried beef jerky. You have like crispy beef jerky chips.
I love that. Right?

Yeah.

But for some reason, they get lodged in between my teeth,

and they stay in there for like three days.

No, no, no, no.

Buddy, you got to floss it out.

I know, but so one had been, and I was with somebody,

and she was like, it smells like that beef jerky.

I haven't been a beef jerky in three days.

You're like, I know.

Isn't it good?

Yeah, yeah.

And then I realized there was like in between my teeth,

so I flossed them out.

That happens.

That's not embarrassing. That happens all the time.
Beef jerky in the teeth? That happens to all of us. All the time.
Yeah. Okay? You're not alone on this island.
Yeah. Yeah.
You feel better? I guess you're right. Thank you.
Yeah, I just, you know, you attack me with that. Who, me? No, he's attacking the shit out of you today.
What's your deal? Why are you so uppity and throwing darts at people? I don't know. I just feel good.
You feel good. Oh, is that what it is? When you feel good, you like to attack, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. It's so funny.
But it's never him, though. Have you noticed that? And I'm not complaining.
I'm grateful to be here, but I'm just saying I love the show and I love you guys But I just kind of I look at it and I go Why him? Why not him? He talks shit about me Yeah but he never Not on the show though He's not around Yeah when I'm not around You're gonna go Hey Andrew your skin's too pink Go ahead Because Andrew's scarier than you Thank you Oh that's right So if everyone Let's get into that If people don't know about the show, what do you do with your face? I'm just waiting to hear what you have to say. Right, so the power dynamics of the show is what? Here we go.
Here we go. So the power of the dynamics of the show is Andrew is, let's suppose that this is a kingdom, right? That he the you know um the king the false king right he's like

the false king

he's the king but not

like blood

he's i don't know he's a royal blood that's a

redhead thing no it's not a redhead attack

like i'm not born pure

like i'm a mutt

but the blood's not pure no okay

yeah and that's not you're the king

i just gave you the props and what are you

So, let. Okay.
Yeah. And that's not, you're the king.
I just gave you the props. And what are you? That's exactly what I'm saying.
I'm the king. Okay.
I have pure blood, dude. You do? Yeah, yeah.
But I let you, you know what I mean, sit on the throne. Right? I let him sit on the throne, and I'm kind of like, you know who I am?

Louis XV.

No, Aragorn.

I don't know who that is.

From Lord of the Rings.

He's supposed to be the king, right?

Strider.

I'm supposed to be king,

but I'm out, you know what I mean,

defending. You do have a lot of similarities to kings.

Bloated.

Gout ridden.

But here's the, there we go.

Okay. Look up fattest king's the, there we go.
Okay.

Look up fattest king.

Yeah.

There you are.

Beep bop boop.

And he's in yellow.

Ironically.

There you are.

Yeah.

Okay.

Henry VIII, right?

He was a glutton.

Wasn't Henry VIII

like the fattest fucking king

of all time?

That's him.

Look at the size of this moose.

Yeah.

Half Asian.

So anyway,

let's be real.

You're the king.

Thank you. king of all time.
Look at the size of this moose. Yeah.
Half Asian.

So anyway, let's be real. You're the king.

You're the real king. No, here's the power dynamic

for the show, okay?

You are the boss.

Mm-hmm.

So I know it's a

50-50 enterprise,

but I let you,

I don't let you, you make

most of the decisions.

Let's be honest. Well, someone has to get up and do it.
Exactly. And I let you do it.
No, no, I have to do it. You have to do it.
If I don't do it, it doesn't happen. But I also go, do it.
No, you never have told me that. Yeah, I go, get it.
No, you say, you're too lazy to do it. That's not it.
That is 100% true. No, I guy that goes you know i mean i understand but i'm gonna let him have make the decisions that's not true you don't have you don't have the knowledge of the wherewithal in fact you don't even communicate with your fucking assistant of your own schedule how could you make decisions if you don't even know how to schedule your own i purposely do that so i give you the fuck no you do that because you're fucking lazy i'm not here dude bro you started you fucking started all dude i'm not dude did i start this i'm not i'm not fucking started i'm not starting anything i'm just telling you what the power dynamics of the show i want to i'm letting the people know how the show is run they know they all fucking know okay i want to i don't know do you think they think that's what i don't know and i want to know you think they think the Slept King is the organizer? fucking know.
Okay. I don't know.
Do you think they think- That's what I don't know and I want to know. You think they think the slept king is the organizer? They know not.
Okay. They know not to know.
They know not to know. Yeah, okay.
They know that you are a beautiful entity that needs its beauty rest. Right.
And I like to organize. Right.
So you're the organizer, right? It is a 50-50 enterprise. 100%.
What are you laughing at? On camera. Oh, what are you saying? Off camera, it's not.
Off camera, you don't organize any of this bullshit. No, but it's a 50-50.
Talent-wise. Yes.
Talent-wise. Yeah, you're my brother.
Right, right. Well, that's, okay.
45, 45, 10. Right.

She's very talented.

Very talented.

She's an important part of the show.

And these three guys, take them or leave them.

Yeah.

And then these guys act as buffoons.

Puppets.

No.

These guys act as a very integral part of the organization.

We need them.

We need them very much.

So in terms of my relationship with them,

they're pretty much, aside from Andreas, these two are more handlers for me. You're the wacky uncle who comes into town.
This is what pissed me off today. I'm going to just get into it.
Let's get into it. I'll show it.
I'll show it right here, dog. So shoot moved to 7.30 tonight, he says.
But then I emphasized it two hours later because he didn't respond. Exclamation marks, which made me mad.
Yeah, you know you can't can't do that you can't do that that doesn't make sense because then i said to you that like he already gave me the information yeah i just like i don't act that you know i know i'm in direct contact with him 24 7. oh what about david spade i slept through that i made a mistake but that has nothing to do with me not knowing i knew i would get in trouble for that is what'm saying.
So I wanted to be on top of it. Andrew would get mad at me if you were here at a weird time.
Okay. I don't know why you brought up Spade.
That was a bad move. It was evidence.
Because why are you poking the bear? You're poking the bear, dude. Because he was really...
Is he? He was 40. Should I get mad? Should I get mad? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're poking the bear, dude.
Why'd you bring that up? Bro, what did you do before the shoot? What shoot? You peed on... This one, we're on right now.
I can't believe... Bro.
Bro. Bro.
I can't believe that you are... You're soaked with lies.
Dude, you're the lying fucking gesture. In this kingdom, you're the lying gesture, dude.
And you, dude, some people, you're guillotined, dude. Bro.
In the medieval times, you've been the guillotined. What are you trying to accuse me of? Peeing on the court jester's coach.
Okay. Say what you're claiming.
Yeah, what are you claiming? He peed on my Mercedes that he bought me, basically. He peed on your car? That I bought.
Do you have any proof of this? I took a video of Andres looking at a puddle, and we can go lick it and see if it tastes like pee. Send McCone out there to lick it.
McCone, go lick. No.
Wait a minute. You're claiming that Bobby urinated on your vehicle.
That's so- Yeah, and like where you would pump the gas, too, so I have to touch that area now. Bob, did you pee on his car? You saw me here, right? I didn't see you pee on his car.
I know, but did you see- Yeah, so you had your eyes on me the whole time. I've seen you the whole time.
Right. You smoked a cigarette.
I didn't see it. I didn't see that.
And the case is closed. Case is closed.
And that- Apologize. I just feel like the- No, I- In this kingdom is so corrupt.
No, apologize, dude. For being soaked in lies.
I'm a Menendez brother now, dude. I'm going to watch it.
I haven't seen the documentary. I'm going to do it tonight.
I can't wait to see it. I'm going to watch it tonight, but apologize, please.
Interesting. No, dude, I can't.
You peed on my car. I didn't pee on your car, dude.
You know what? That's fucking insane. I didn't pee on your car.
You did not pee on your car! That's illegal too. What? It's public indecency or whatever.
That's insane! Apologize! Apologize! I didn't pee on your car! Apologize! I'm sorry, sir! Okay, I peed on your car. Fuck! I peed on your car, dude.
I peed on your car. That was a good liar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, what were you going to say?

I was just going to say that Tito Bobby has a tendency to do that because he even pees on a cup in his room.

Yes, he will pee in a cup in his room.

Okay, what?

Sometimes.

No, what are you saying?

Well.

That's next level.

I don't pee in the cup in my room.

Okay, when in the garage in your gaming room where I have to clean. Okay, back then I did.
You're saying the past. A couple years ago.
Yeah, yeah. Because it was so far down and I'm playing.
Listen, when you're playing Warzone with your fire team. You can't walk away.
Right? And I'm like, and I have to pee real bad. I'm like, hold up i'm like i'll crouch down and then i'll you know pee in a cup i'm here i'm still here right and then i'll pee and then i'll go i'll do this later what kind of cup like sometimes it was like coffee cup no like a sometimes a coffee cup but something also like sometimes like an empty bottle of water, like plastic.

Wow.

You can get it in there?

Yeah.

Yeah, I have a thin dick, dude.

All right.

I have a thin dick, right?

That's rude.

I've seen it.

It's great.

All right.

What you're doing is rude.

I didn't.

I'm sorry. He did pee on your car.
It was very your car was very funny we were laughing we did it as a joke yeah i go where the laugh is he does he goes right for the laugh yeah yeah yeah also then be honest on your side if we're gonna be honest over here that he peed on your car he did not pee on he peed on your tire yeah he peed on your wheel no well am i wrong i think you are actually where did he pee just above the tire and it hit the body of the car i wanted to get the whole tire only half a tire dude if you don't if you don't he's right though so at the top well because angle wise it has to go i see yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean i could have opened the door and. That would have been bad.
That would have been bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're welcome then. Thank you.
It was unlocked. Yeah.
He could have crossed the line there. Yeah, I'm sorry.
Where's the weirdest place you've peed? What's the strangest? In a mouth? You have peed in someone's mouth. Have you peed on somebody? Yeah.
You've done that? Yeah. And they said, please pee on me.
They were like into it. I know where I peed and I can't say, I'm going to get in trouble for this.
Please. I'm going to be in.
Please. I'm going to get in so much trouble for this.
Please. I peed at the, right on the side of the stage.
No way. No way.
Yeah, because have you been there? Yeah. So you have to walk to the backstage.
There's no bathroom back there. The only way to go to the bathroom is through the front of the fucking venue.
And you had to pee so bad. So I'm back there and they're about to bring me up and I'm like, oh fuck, I gotta pee.
And I just peed on the wall. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. A lot? As much as I peed on his car.
That's a lot. That was a lot.
Yeah, yeah, puddle in my mind I was like while I was on stage I was like I'm gonna clean it when I get off I was gonna spray it down with what with a hose nearby no like a empty bottle like a bottle of water or whatever just to wash it away yeah yeah and I completely forgot well you know now sorry yeah but I love that club please I again. I'll never do that again.
Okay. Okay.
Where's the weirdest place you've peed? I'm a girl. I can't just pee anywhere.
I wish I had a dick. No, you don't wish you had a dick.
Yeah. You don't.
Or like a dick. Yeah, dick tube.
Yeah, dick tube. A piss tube.
You guys should have a piss tube. They make those.
Well, that's cool. That's cool.
You gotta get one of those. Yeah.
That is very cool. That's pretty cool.

You'd pee anywhere. Yeah.

I was on a radio station once and

my ass crack was so

exposed on their white couch

that it left a brown streak.

Right? And so the next time I was at the radio

station, they got a new couch, but

they cut out the streak and they framed the fucking

That's really cool

it was really

in my honor

would you ever

would you ever

get a piercing on your balls

that would be cool

on my balls

people pierce our nuts

all the time

no no no

the prince albert

goes through your wiener

but the other one

just goes through your balls

scrotum piercing

that'd be tight

a little

a little dumbbell

right there

or a little

just like a little nose ring

but on your

oh okay

on your balls whoa there's like a porn guy that i remember that we go back to that other one there's a porn guy that has uh piercings in a weird way that could be like dune part three is fucking poster you know weird right right dune three you know what i mean dude well that'd be dune two. Oh, look at those hills.
That's dune two. Two rings.
Two rings, yeah, yeah. Wow, look at that.
Okay. That's a, this is a thing that, oh my God.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
No thanks. Yeah, pass.
I pass on that. You know what we should do? We should get your tongue pierced, Bob.
No, I'm not. Please.
No, I'm not getting piercings to that. That's a stupid thing.
How about your nose? I don't want to do any of that. Your septum you'll never see.
Yeah, I'm not. What? I've had it pierced.
When did you have your ear pierced? Right here, this one. You can even feel the cartilage.
Right here. I never knew you with an ear piercing.
What? You never wore an earring when I met you. No, I did it when I was 17.
That's rad, huh? Yeah, I had a little pierce. Bad boy? Yeah, yeah.
Was it both pierced or just one? What? Both or just one? Just one. Yeah.
Yeah. Left side.
And then my dad was like, just so mad about it. What? We were eating bibimbap, and he looks at it and he goes, oh, you're gay.
Like, I'm not gay. No, you're gay.
He kept saying that. Yeah, he's right.
Yeah. Why was it that your left side was not gay, your right was gay when we were a kid why was that a whole thing both was fine left was fine right was gay who started that that's something that she doesn't know about yeah when we were kids if you had one in your right ear only it was gay if you had one in your left it was straight but if you had both it was totally fine oh it's called the gay ear myth signaling signaling rich history of jewelry being shown off to show wealth nobility or status but then it was used to show off sexual preference that's cool so this was like a code it was like tipping i see yeah interesting the effects of the gay ear it became common for men to secretly communicate their sexual identity wearing an earring in their right ear by the 90s it becomes so widely accepted as a secret code that it was article about in new york times after that there weren't many questions about which ear was the gay ear left or left for straight men right for gay men interesting but you know who can pull it off without sexual orientation ties who black dudes there'd be black dudes when we were young that would have a right earring in

and no one would say anything.

Yeah.

Dude, I just got a fucking text

that would make me so mad.

What is it?

I left $3,000 in my hotel.

Cash?

Yeah.

Why did you have $3,000 cash in your hotel?

Loves cash.

I love cash.

What would you need three grand for?

Well, because sometimes my cards don't work. How much are you eating? A lot.
You're not going out drinking. You're not going out gambling.
What do you need that much cash for? There's no chance you're spending three grand on dinner. It's safety.
I feel safe. Well, you should feel unsafe

because you just lost it.

No, I left it in the safe.

I left it in the safe.

That makes me feel safe.

How did they know?

Did somebody open the safe and find it?

No, I left the hotel,

came back to LA,

and I go, fuck,

I left $3,000 in the safe.

They're never going to give it back to you.

So I just,

then we went out to them and goes,

here's his code.

There's some money in there. And they're like, well, we'll just put it back into his credit card.
Can they do that? I think maybe. I mean, that seems strange.
Could they do that? Can they do that? Probably. It seems shady.
But it's the Ritz. Oh, they'll do it for you.
They'll do it, right? They'll do it for you. Yeah, they're a high-end.
A five-star hotel would do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Any other stars you're not getting that much. So I should do that.
I think that's fine. Or they say, we'll send you a check, but I'll just put it back into the thing then.
Put it back into the thing. Yeah, okay, good, good.
Put it back into the thing. Yeah.
Here's another thing, and this is a dangerous path that I'm going to just show you because I don't know what else to talk about. Take me down that road.
This is what I've been doing all day. I'm pretty sure...
What is that? Send the photo to Carlos. Jules, what's been going on with you, though? Is there any new news to share? I think I have narcolepsy.
Really? Really? Yeah. Tell me about the narcolepsy.
Well, my aunt, she also has narcolepsy, and she gave me a medicine for it. And then she just said to try this.
Because I'm always so tired. I feel so heavy in the morning.
My brain is just always so empty. Have you ever fallen asleep while driving? No.
But I can sleep anywhere immediately.

Like right now you could go to sleep? Yeah.

Yeah, she has a sleep thing for sure. So do you.

No, but she can sleep at like right now. So can you.
That's right.

What is this

thing? Guess. I mean, is it

a mold of your penis? Are you molding your penis? No, no, no.

I'm not molding your penis, no. Huh?

This is what I've been making.

What have you been making?

It's kava, dude.

You're making kava?

Yeah, dude.

What the fuck are you talking about?

Kava, dude.

What kava?

The root.

What are you doing?

Are you making drugs?

Is this new drugs?

It's not a drug, no.

Is it new drugs I don't know about?

It's not a drug.

I'll tell you what happened.

So I'm in Hawaii.

Okay?

And I'm with Gene.

You know my buddy Gene?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And we're at The Cove.

The Cove.

Yeah.

The best I say bowls, don't you think?

Mm-hmm.

In Hawaii.

Okay.

Okay.

So, you know, we're regulars there.

So, you know, they came up to us and they said, here's some of this.

And it's a glass of, like, muddy water.

Uh-huh.

That.

Kava. Yeah.

And I drank it

and we were both like you're not high but we were just like yeah it's supposed to it's a calming

agent the calming agent wow and so i got some kava and i brewed some at home so it's a root

it's a kava root and you break it down and you don't get high did you strain that in you're

supposed to strain it but i didn't have um a cloth strainer it's cheesecloth yeah it's called a cheese yeah yeah so i used a t-shirt i thought it's the same kind of there you go theory drinking kava during recovery is it a relapse is it no it's not nope it can affect the brain similarly to alcohol and narcotics but um it could be helpful tool in managing cravings right yeah alternative to consuming alcohol illicit drugs it's a healthy alternative so i drank some last night before i went to bed and i slept for like 14 hours give me some of your kava dude kava's the best do bobby kava yeah i'm bobby kava yeah powder. You can make it at home.
Got it. Yeah, yeah.
I can make it myself. You don't have to go buy kava root somewhere? No, I have the powder.
Do you order it off Amazon or something? No, I got it at the cove. Oh, you brought it back? Yeah, yeah.
I brought it back with me. Did you clarify that when you got to the border? Oh, yeah.
You didn't declare it, did you? Well, now you've outed yourself. Arrest me for kava powder.
Can you buy some kava powder here online? Yeah. It's totally legal, right? Totally legal.
Yeah, yeah. But it really helped me with my sleep.
I took mushrooms the other night. That helped me with my sleep.
Whoa. It was great.
I hadn't taken mushrooms in a long time. Like a lot? No, just a little bit.
We had just a little something, something. It really jazzed me up.
Yeah. Do you perform with it?

No, no, no. We were in the woods.

Oh. Why is it when you're super

drunk you call me? Because I love you.

But it's weird. I love you.

And then whenever you call, you're with friends

and you always go, hey, my little Chinese

guy. I didn't say that.
Something like that, yeah.

Hey, little man, little man.

You know what I mean? And you guys all laugh.

What's up? It's not true. See, now you're lying to the audience.
No, what do you do though? I call you- But you say little things. What is it? First of all, when I called you, I don't call you all the time like that because I don't like to call you when I'm drunk.
You call me on stage too. I love calling you on stage.
Yeah, yeah. But I called you because I was with friends and we were talking about you and my friends were saying how much they love you and I was like, well, I want to call them.
Yeah, okay. Yeah, because- always call you back.
You always, well, you answered that time. And then, um, I was in fear for my life for a second of it.
Why? I was tripping a little bit. Oh, you were high too? Mushrooms? You were seeing things? Were you seeing things? Not seeing things.
I was just feeling the wave. When you're out just sort of like playing around, it takes you away from what, what is really important, I think.
What's really important? The quiet times. Like sitting there with a girl looking at her eyes, right? And sometimes you attach heads in bed, right? And you can make little nicknames.
Hey, Mongo. You know what I mean? You kind of hit your head against yours.
Mongo. Yeah, Mongo.
Mongo, Mongo. Mongo.
Right? And you go, what? So aggressive. Too much? Yeah.
It's a love tap. It's a love tap.
You go, hey, Mongo. Like that, right? And they're like, ow.
Right? Shh, Mongo.

Shh, Mongo quiet.

Yeah, Mongo quiet, right?

Quiet Mongo.

Yeah.

Mongo, get me.

No, seriously.

I love you.

You have to say that.

You have to say that.

I love you.

I love being with you.

Head bump.

Right?

Make me a sandwich.

Can you please make me a sandwich?

You miss the quiet time.

Yeah, I like those times.

Right?

And then- Let's get you back.

Or when you're watching something with somebody.

You're watching it.

Like a sunset.

Oh.

Yeah.

You miss those.

I miss it.

Let's put it out to the world.

You're ready.

So I was watching The Penguin last night by myself.

Yeah. I know you haven't seen it.
I haven but I was going what an interesting character the penguin yeah and I also thought to myself why isn't there more more why doesn't Batman have more enemies well the Joker was big it's just not enough because they're recycling through the fucking – on all the movies.

I think the next one, I think the Scarecrow is back for the next one, right?

Well, look at how many.

The Joker, Hugo Strange, Penguin, Scarecrow, Clayface, Mr. Freeze, Man Bat, Bane, Killer Croc, Two-Face, Deadshot, Toys-Divy.
This is a lot of fucking energy.

I know, but you – no, but let me – I have a – can I say something? Yeah, that's 30 guys. I know, I understand that.
But you can't use the killer croc. Okay.
How about this then? Because you can't... You know, because all the Batman movies now are based in reality, right? So it's like, you know, the Riddler was just a serial killer.
Okay, but Catwoman made it through, and that's a... But they recycle them.
Okay, but Catwoman... Get some new ones that are human-based.
That's so many. Yeah, what? You know what I mean? Like their calligraphy.
Ra's al Ghul. Oh, Ra's al Ghul.
But they're going to use... Yeah, we already did that.
Okay. We got to find other ones.
Like, you know, I don't know. Calligraphy is not a good enemy name.
Black Mask. What? Black Mask.
Oh, yeah. Black Mask.
Yeah, but he's not... Woke enough.
What? What did you say? It's not woke enough It's gotta be woke Oh, it's gotta be Yeah, white Well, what if Black Mask transitioned? Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Hush What if they transitioned? What if they? Sorry, I apologize Man Bat Yeah, you can't do that guy. The Philippines.

Yeah, yeah.

That's just a Filipino with wings.

I come to kill you Batman.

You gonna go down Batman?

Batman!

You die Batman!

Yeah.

But why do they always recycle them?

Because if you, because nobody, look, people are afraid of new property.

They want the old stuff.

Give them the old shit.

They want the stuff they've seen before.

They want the stuff that's familiar with them.

I guess you're right.

But we all like the flavor that we know.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah.

How would you do poison ivy in this more realism Batman?

The same way they did Catwoman.

She uses plants to poison people.

She has to be a botanist.

A botanist.

A botanist.

Yeah.

Okay.

Yeah, she's a botanist,

and she literally gives people poison ivy. Yeah, okay.

You scratch yourself to death.

Yeah.

Good luck with that without lidocaine.

Yeah.

I've been scrolling a lot.

Here's ones I don't understand.

Why do I always get the fucking eggs?

Huh?

What?

Yeah, the mother smashing the egg on a baby's face.

That was like fucking a year ago.

I still get that, though.

Jesus.

You're behind.

You're behind.

Yeah, yeah.

So I... Huh? What? Yeah, the mother smashing the egg on a baby's face.
That was like fucking a year ago. I still get that though.
Jesus. You're behind.
Yeah, yeah, so I get that a lot. Gambling.
Or I get like riddles. Huh? I get a lot of riddles.
Can I show you a riddle? Give me a riddle. All right, here we go.
Okay. There's two fathers.
You have to say riddle me this. Why? Because.
Riddle me this. There.
Riddle me this You have to say riddle me this Why? Because Riddle me this

There

Riddle me this

There's two fathers

And two sons

Okay

Chinese Riddler

Riddle me this

There's two fathers and two sons

That'd be really hard for him

Riddle me this

Riddle me this

There's two fathers and two sons

In a car

But there's only three people.

How?

I feel like Andrew can answer this.

You know that one?

Yeah, there's two fathers and two sons.

Yeah, but there's only three people in a car.

But there's two fathers and two sons.

Right, yeah.

It's a grandfather, a dad, and a son.

Right.

Very good.

You're so good.

No, it's really easy logic.

That's right down the road. Give me a riddle.
I've've never solved one You've never solved one? No, no, no I get confused Go ahead A train is going 30 miles an hour Right? And it leaves the station at 6 o'clock There's no way There's numbers? A train is going I need visuals I need a visual A train Okay, this is a train There it train leaves the station. This is a station.
At six o'clock. Okay.
It's going 30 miles an hour. Hold on.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. I'm being real.
Hold on, hold on, hold on. No, hold on, hold on.
What time? Six o'clock. I got to put six o'clock right here.
I put six. Okay.
Six o'clock. Train leaves the station at 6 o'clock.
We got to read the 6.

And it's going to go 30 miles an hour.

Oh, fuck.

How do I do 30?

And Tucson.

30, 30.

There.

30 miles per hour.

And Tucson is 40 miles away.

Whoa.

Tucson?

Tucson, Arizona? Tucson.

Right here.

So 6 o'clock.

30 miles per hour.

Tucson.

40 miles away.

40 miles away. 30, 40.
How did the train get there at 6.30? Wait, wait. It's going 30 miles an hour, right? But it's 40 miles away.
How did it get there at 6.30? It's sped up. Can it speed up? I don't't know i'm gonna say going i'm gonna say this too right now dude if this is a fake if this is a fake fucking riddle dude yeah i'm gonna be so fucking mad at you dude okay it doesn't make any sense so 30 miles per hour and it's 40 well it it gets there because the math just is right he gets there at 6 30.
what's the math? Well, it'll make it if you do it. What is the math? 30 miles per hour in 30 minutes.
You can get there in 30 minutes, 40 miles. So the math is correct.
So math's correct. Okay.
He makes it there. Sure.
Is that it? Yeah. That's the riddle? Of course he makes it there.
So I got it?

You got it.

Oh, good, dude.

Is that a real riddle?

It's not.

You made it up?

Yeah, I did.

Give me a real one, dude.

I'm not filled with riddles.

Give me a real riddle.

Get me online.

Riddle me this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Riddle me this, dude.

All right, here we go.

Give me a real riddle.

Don't look up at the screen.

Okay.

You don't look either because you're going to be my problem solver.

Oh, my. Kids can make it but can never hold it or...
I got to sit next to her. Yeah, get over there.
Hold on. It'll flip the cam.
Look at me. Riddle squad.
These are, by the way, these are riddles for kids that I'm reading. Okay.
These are for kids. All right.
All of you should be able to figure it out. All right.
Let's go. Let's go.
All right. Zoom in.
Okay. Okay.
What can kids make but can never hold it or see it? What do kids make that they can't hold or see? Fart. Laugh.
Laugh. Laugh, fart.
They're both right. Noise.
Noise. Okay.
So you're one for one for riddles. Okay, very good.
Riddle squad. USA.
Let's go. What question can you never answer yes to? Oh, did you ever kill anybody? No, you could easily answer yes to that.
No, I didn't though. Yeah, but it's possible.
It's not possible. I will never do it.

What question could you never answer yes to?

It would be impossible

to even say yes.

Oh.

Are you dead?

That's pretty cool.

Are you asleep yet?

Yeah, that's good.

Are you dead is even better.

Don't look at the fucking...

Okay, dude,

where are you at?

I was thinking...

Where the fuck are you at, dude?

You're running a race

and at the very end

you pass the person

in second place

Thank you. Are you dead is even better.
Don't look at the fucking... Okay, dude, where are you at? I was thinking...
Where the fuck are you at, dude? You're running a race, and at the very end, you pass the person in second place. What place did you...
Second, second, second, second! Bitch. Wait, wait.
She's right, she's right, she's right. Wait, I didn't even get it.
Ask it. What has 13 hearts, but no other organs? 13 hearts, but no other organs.
Artichoke. Very good.
Is it artichoke? It's not. Okay.
That's really good. 13 hearts? 13 hearts but no other organs.
13 hearts. Can you give a clue? Oh, cards.
A deck of cards. Yeah, it was not more than a clue.
I just told you what it was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right, here we go.

I don't clue.

I'm light as a feather, yet the strongest person can't hold me for five minutes.

What am I?

Breath.

Yeah, Bob.

That was so fast.

That's really good.

Dude, I'm fucking a math whiz.

You're a math whiz.

Don't look at the screen.

What has many, many needles but doesn't ever sew? Hey. It's a pine tree, but we'll take it.
What kind of band never plays music? Rubber. A rubber band.
Honestly, you suck. I suck.
You suck. You haven't got one of these.
These are for you. Is a rubber band really the thing? Yeah, a rubber band Okay, one more, one more, one more What gets bigger Did you see it? I swear to God What gets bigger the more you take away? It has to do with feelings I want it to be, yeah Yeah Like when you take away Bigger? Yeah, yeah.
It's like, you know, your rage gets bigger when you leave more. Oh.
You know what I mean? Like a woman leaves and you get bigger. I get it.
Like rage and you're whole in your heart. Wow.
So love? You're so close though. Ironically, you're so close.
Well, I think it's something like that. You said it.

Yeah, yeah.

What is it?

A hole.

Huh?

A hole.

But you got there organically.

Organically in a weird way.

Yeah, yeah, I got there.

This is great.

Okay, this is dumb.

Yeah.

I'm trying different things.

No, it's really good.

Do you guys watch K-drama?

Here we go.

Do I watch K-drama?

What is that? Korean shows. Give me K-dramas.
Okay, I'm watching this one, Judge from Hell. It's called Judge from Hell.
Yeah, so she's basically a judge, but... That's horrible.
And a demon went inside her body, and her task is to kill 10 murderers who doesn't repent no regrets about anything that they do and it's so cool wow is it all in Korean? yeah but there's subtitles yeah I hate reading I can't yeah we have that in America it's called Judge Judy oh it's the same thing? yeah it's the same thing? Yeah, it's the same thing. You ever seen Judge Judy? No.
I'll tell you about Judge Judy. Tell them about Judge Judy.
That's not a demon? Yes, it is. That's a demon.
That is a demon in its finest. Look at her hand.
She curses people. Yeah, she's not lifting her hand.
The demon is. So she's also been taken over by a demon.
Yeah, yeah. That's demon shit.
That's demon shit. Yeah.
She's dark. She's dark.
Anyway, there's another Korean one. What about the one? Have you seen the North Korean one? What's it called? What's that? It's called Fly By.
What's the lady that crashes the plane? Crash Landing? Crash Landing. A Korean show about North Korea? No, so this lady, let me get, I haven't seen that, but this lady, right, is on a plane.
She crashes in North Korea, and then she falls in love with a North Korean soldier.

Does she not?

It's not a plane.

She was on a parachute.

She jumped out of a plane, right?

Oh, so she just jumped from the ground.

No, no.

She jumped from the ground up as if she's fucking Superman, and then she fell down into Korea.

What happened?

It's the one where you use the wind, you run, and then you do it. Oh, parasailing.

Paragliding.

Yeah, that was- He fell down in his career. What happened? It's the one where you use the wind, you run, and then you do it.
Oh, paracel.

Paragliding.

Yeah, that one.

Oh, yeah.

That makes sense.

Honey.

Honey.

Yes?

Let's go paragliding today.

I really love to.

But you know where I like to go do it?

The DNZ.

Yes.

Yes, at the DNZ.

We'll go to DNZ.

Yeah.

Yay.

Because, you know, we love to paraglide on the border. The wind is awful strong.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, honey, we're going...
Oh, no! Makes no sense. There was a storm.
Oh, a storm. Oh, really? Yeah, and then she was...
She's paragliding on a storm. Lands in North Korea.
And then what happens? She meets a North Korean soldier. Yeah, but she has to hide.
You think there's a hot North Korean... You think there's a hot North Korean fucking soldier standing there? This guy's hot.
This guy's hot. But he's South Korean.
Yeah, yeah. That's the trick.
Dude, he looks like he's been eating. Yeah, he looks healthy.
You think North Koreans' children are eating? No. Dude, there's a fucking...
Dude, there's a North Korean... There's a North Korean Instagram site, and I get it in my feed.
What's it called? I don't know, but it's like... Basically, they're making...
So basically, it's like this. Who says there's no discotheques in North Korea? And they'll show discotheques.
Oh, it's like the government's promoting. Yeah, it's the government.
Who says there's no discotheques in North Korea? And they'll show a discotheque. Oh, it's like the government's promoting.
Yeah, it's the government. Who says there's no Burger King in Korea? And then it's like, is that it? Who said North Korea doesn't have McDonald's? Yes, North Korea has an even better version of the American fast food chain.
Do you think they build this on a stage? Do you think it's on like a sound stage? But there's people, there's actors sometimes and they get hamburgers and they don't know what to do with it. So they open it up, they go, what is this, right? And it's like, you know what I mean? It's their government.
You can tell that there's people going to eat it behind the camera. And they get fucking scared.
You know what I mean? So crazy.

Go back to that video though.

Click on the profile

to see other videos.

All those videos.

What are you doing, dude?

Who said North Korea

doesn't have marriage?

Nobody said that.

No one ever said

they don't have marriage there.

But look at how nervous he looks.

Yeah, they're all nervous.

They're so scared.

They're so scared.

Look at him.

Because they're going to be

beaten after this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Look at that camera from 1958. Go to more.
Go different. What's this one? There's a body.
Who's carrying a man's body. And they bought a DHL jacket on Amazon.
Yeah. It better be efficient.
They'll kill you if it doesn't get there on time What is it Who said any of this shit No one said that Go to more This is insane Yeah let's see this general store Well yeah there's motorcycle inside of it. What the fuck kind of general store is that? Right.
That looks like a weed shop. Yeah.
Honey, should we get rice or should we get a motorcycle? Yeah. We'll take two bag of rice and motorcycle, please.
Go further. Just keep scrolling.
Can you just scroll and keep scrolling or no? Or do you have to do that? I think because it's not on the phone.

It's not like the phone.

Oh, do the roller coaster one.

Yeah. Who said North Korea doesn't have two pet roller coasters?

Oh, my God.

Dude, it just falls off of a cliff on the other side.

You know what North Korea don't have?

A cat.

A cute cat.

Did you know that, Hong?

Yeah, we have to build.

Yeah. Who said to build.
Yeah.

Who said North Korea planes always crash? They don't have automotive vehicles.

What?

Nobody ever thought there wasn't fucking cars there.

Yeah.

All right.

Rudy, end the show the right way.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah.
Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.