Bobby Turns 60!

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

What's up?

Oh, shit.

Kicking it all.

Wow.

I am scientist.

Put your headphones on.

Oh, so we're doing sketches now.

Put your headphones on.

It's all making sense. Now I'm having fun.
Ladies and gentlemen, Chili Chill is in the house. Chili was slow.
There it is right there. And who am I? Who am I? Do you know who I am? I am scientist from North Korea.
Well, it's that and a combination with that and Drugstore June. I'm the pharmacist.
Your favorite movie. Drugstore June, pharmacist.
Oh, God, guy. Look guy Look at this and the boys you know what they are Yeah You're Jisun Park You don't even know what it is That's the guy your mom likes Who are you that's son Who are you Pete Me Pete yeah you're the pete oh that's me yeah my god pete is back hey guys i missed you pete what did you bring us pete well uh for bobby's birthday i had my kids do some portraits of you in that uh blue bag over there yeah they do some portraits of you Let's get it out of the way real fast.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

No, no. They drew some portraits of you.
Let's get it out of the way real fast. Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday to you.

No, no.

Happy birthday, dear Robert.

Happy birthday to you.

All right.

Let's see the photos.

Okay.

Photo number one.

Ooh.

That's my son.

Five-year-old son.

I thought it was

The priest and

The exorcist

Wasn't it?

You know what I mean?

Yeah yeah

See you know

That's what your five year old son

Thinks Bobby looks like?

The priest and

The exorcist

Fantastic

Fantastic

And let's see the next one

Oh shit

My three year old

This is four in the morning Bobby

Let me see

That's right now actually

Like

I can't sleep Doing wide eyes I can't sleep A little wide eyes. I can't sleep.
A little wide-eyed Bobby. Yeah, yeah.
All right, who's the next one? Okay, next one. My three-month-old.
Oh. Wow.
Your three-month-old is retarded. Oh, man.
No. No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. He's a good guy.
And what's the next one? He's what a good guy you're in. What's the next one? He's a good guy.
I tried. I tried to make it.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, and this is Pete.
This is you? I tried kidding. I'm kidding.
He's a good guy. He's what a good guy you're in.
What's the next one? He's a good guy. I tried to make it.
This is Pete. This is you? I tried to make it.
Whoa, right here. What is this? Pretty similar to the three-month-old.
Yeah. Pretty right on par.
Yeah, so thank you so much for these. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday. That's the present? They worked really hard on that.
All right, all right, all right chill Probably costume of the day Chilly chill What did you get Bob for his birthday? Okay He can open it Give it to me Are you sick by the way? You sound sick She was a couple weeks ago Oh that's nice Nice bringing it here I'm not. I'm not contagious.
She's not contagious. Yeah, right.
I promise. Yeah, all you people say that.
All right, so this is great. And can I...
Can I just make... Okay, I'm gonna guess.
A candle. Nope.
Soap. Nope.
Well, kind of. Body wash.
No. Okay.
Just open it. All right, me see what is this is kind of cool dude this is for the bath show me is there a price Oh, that's nice.
This is bath salts.

You could smoke this.

Yeah, it's really nice.

You could smoke this and get ripped.

Yeah.

So this right here is.

I don't know if you like it, but I know you really like perfume.

It's a cologne for men or women?

I don't know.

I just like the smell, and I thought you'd like it.

Oh, my.

That's a sweet gesture.

Oh, it's too dark to be good.

No, I think it's going to be good No I think it's gonna be good Oh shit How is it? Really good Pass it It's musky What brand is it? I don't know Oh is it Fili Fragrance? Yeah. Fili Fragrance.

No, that says fragrances.

I really like it.

It does.

I'm sorry about that.

Oh, this is Pogostemon.

It's really good.

Pogostemon.

Do you know this?

And then the next one, because you smoke a lot.

Yeah, you do?

Yep.

We got to quit.

It's an ashtray.

Fucking amazing.

Let's see. Can I say something to you? Dude what a great gift Yeah? Honestly I have to give it a 9 out of 10 9 out of 10 That was really good dude Any gifts from the room up there? You know what it was thoughtful You thought about it You're not just giving me socks like Steve does Is that what he got you this year? socks? No, but he'll just go, hey, happy birthday, dude, and give me a pack of socks.
Well, you do like socks. I know, but still, it's not thoughtful.
All right, let's see what the boys got you. Okay, so...
Go ahead, Carlos. You want to set it up? Yeah.
Me, Andres, and McCone went to Echo Park. We put it out there on Instagram to all the fans to come do a video for us.
And this is from us and the fans to you. All real fans pulled up Taco Park.
That's amazing. Yeah.
Happy birthday, Bobby. Happy birthday, Bobby.
Thank you so much for making me laugh during my childhood on Matt TV. Happy birthday, Bobby.
We love you. Happy birthday, Bobby.
You have put me through a lot of things and I'm so appreciative of you. Happy birthday to my bisexual brother.
I'm sorry about everything on the road in 2023.

It's almost 2025 now.

So we can move past it all.

Happy birthday. I love you.

Happy birthday, Bobby. We love you so much.

We wanted to show how LA loves

you. So we pull a call out and

LA answer. Happy birthday,

Bobby!

Happy birthday, buddy.

Happy birthday to you.

Five?

Happy birthday, dear bossy.

Happy birthday to you.

L.A. Answer.

That's so funny.

That's so funny.

That's good. Well, that's cool.
Five people people showed up They came in droves huh Wow I guess that was hard to contain Did the cops show up Because that was too much of like a I mean the photo before though Looked like there was a lot of people Yeah That one What's that That's a stock photo Yeah stock image The wide didn't look good I thought that was I was like oh was like, oh, that's cool. No, five.
But then it's only five. Yeah.
Okay, well, thank you for showing up to that. God, you guys really love to do this to me.
We have a video from Fancy, too, because he's not here today. Okay.
Yeah. Oh, sad that he's gone.
Yeah. Happy birthday, Bobby.
I'm sorry I'm not there celebrating with you, but I'm doing something nobody else has ever done for you. I took a plane last night and I'm sorry I'm not there celebrating with you But I'm doing something Nobody else has ever done for you I took a plane Last night and I'm here in Springfield Ohio looking for Your favorite treat Happy birthday It's so topical It's so topical He's right on beat He good He's on beat that guy He doesn't miss Yeah He's looking for cat mate Well I got you I got you a gift Thank you I actually got something Really special and custom Made for you Thank you You wanna come here Ben I got you something real Actually look at me Very special for you Thank you man This is my good friend Ben Baller came by Whoa what's up Ben Fuck yeah homie Ben can you sit You want to sit in the seat for two seconds I love you Dude you came all the way over here Ben I just landed from Chicago man He just landed Wow and you came here for what Not just this There's no way you came here for this He did he came here just for this Why Just mail it to me No Nah this can't be mailed This can't be mailed Oh wow Ben Oh my god dude Dude I'm like Today what a day Well go ahead Rob Lowe earlier And now Ben Baller What did Rob Lowe do for you He just talked to me for a second You just But anyway No I'm just saying Running into people

You're filled with joy right now

Pretty joyous

Your 53rd birthday

This is great dude

How old are you Ben?

Shit I know he's older than me

He is yeah

How old are you Ben?

51

Fuck dude

But look at how much better

You do look really good

Doesn't he

Yeah Rudy agrees

You look really good for your age

You think?

Yeah

Yeah yeah yeah

Hey cool it out Cool it out You cool it out That That's enough of that. Yeah.
Pervert. Yeah.
Ben, you're married, right? In the middle of a divorce and the kids are outside. Oh, they are? They're outside? It's all good.
Okay. Thanks for bringing it up, man.
Sorry, sorry. My bad.
My bad. I even told you don't bring up the divorce.
You'll find somebody. No, no, I'm good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you're killing it.
No one's worried about him. Oh, yeah.
But he's got a special gift real fast. Okay.
Dude, already, dude, it might be better than hers. I did something for you that you probably won't believe.
And I called him up. I said, I need a favor from you.
And I need you to help me out. It's brass knuckles.
Please tell me. Do you want to show him what it is? You want to show him? A little something.
Just a little something from me to you. Nothing crazy.
there's one person to call it's been baller and i said ben will get you something dope and he'll know what he wants and it'll be great well and i think this is your style why are you is it alive don't worry about it uh don't worry about it okay well i'll close my but i said you got to match bob's style and he goes i know exactly how to match that guy's style. I know what he wants.
I know what he needs. How much you spent? We don't have to talk.
We will talk about it in a minute. Okay.
You can tell him after. Wait.
Wow. Put it around his neck.
There's no fucking way. Take off your headphones.
There's no way, dude. Take off your headphones.
There's no way, dude. Put it around your- There's no way, dude.
Okay. Wait, do you see how heavy this is? Wait, do you feel it? You're going to have to- Wait, God, your head is fucking huge.
No, his head's not big. It'll go up.
Trust me. I'll tell see how heavy this is wait god your head is fucking

huge

wow

that's over a kilo of gold

wow

well here's why

I said to Ben I know Korean culture

big on church we're trying to get you back into religion

and he

the weird thing that you would give me

I'm not a Christian

I have to walk around i have to walk around with this all and go hey first of all i mean thank you i appreciate it you told me spirituality was important to you again but not christianity it could have been a buddha would have i'm sorry it's 120 carats i i understand the carrots and the gold and all that I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Are you carats I understand the carrots and the gold I'm sorry Are you joking? No you fucking fucking ruin it with me What the fuck I thought it would be cool You really don't like this? No it looks cool I'm just saying that it's like I'm not a Christian It's more than that I mean, a Buddha or even the yin and yang maybe? Do you not like it? No, I really love it. Because this was not cheap.
No, I love it. No, I'm serious.
How much was this? Tell him everything about the piece he's wearing around his neck. Yeah, tell me everything about it.
It looks beautiful though. It's about 130 carats.
There's actual glacier blue diamonds on there. It's over a kilo on gold it's about 260 000 together you don't like it give it give it back you gotta give it stop you don't like it you have to give it back no don't take it off i have to take it i'm gonna be so offended if you take it off i'm not kidding can i be i'm gonna be fucking pissed off or can i be completely honest with you right now can i just because we're my you're my friend i love you Can I be completely honest with you Ben Ball I love your shit dude It's so beautiful right But can I be honest with you It's so heavy I can like feel it yank my neck forward It's like it's so heavy Well this can be exercise for you I know but it's like I have to literally Well yeah you should stand up straight Yeah yeah It's just it Okay.
It's $200,000. It's like a boa constructor on me or whatever.
You don't like it. I love it.
But why'd you spend that much? Get me a car. Okay.
No. I'm super offended.
I love it. I love it.
He hand designed that. It's for you.
I'm kidding. I'm playing it for comedy.
Of course. It's's great You don't like it No That's Hanguk made

It's Hanguk no

Of course I love it

Are you disrespecting

The culture right now

No I'm not

No of course I love it

But can I just

For right now

So I can perform

Can I take it off my neck

No

I get to keep it

On the whole fucking show

Yes

I have to wear this

All the time

I spend 260 fucking

Thousand dollars on it

I have to wear this

Every day

Like when I go to Hawaii tomorrow

It's a condo

I bought you a condo

And I thought that

I thought you were going to wear this every day. Like when I go to Hawaii tomorrow.
It's a condo. I bought you a condo and I thought you'd be appreciative.
Thank you so much, dude. What a fucking pleasure.
What a beautiful present. Cheeto, to be fair.
Yeah. In about 45 minutes, he needs some Advil.
It'll cut the circulation. It's a kilo of gold.
Well, it might. Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because Ben knows.
But still. I feel like you're trying to kill me Maybe So honestly Can I talk to you Talk to me on the mic we're on the show Talk to me on the mic we're on the show Yeah maybe okay but Can I Maybe I have to cut this part out but Why the fuck I don't even care he don't even care.
He sent the wire yesterday. Or it was Friday.
He's paid. He doesn't care.
It's over. You spent that much money on this? Are you out of your fucking mind? Did this guy or did this guy not talk consistently about I better get him something extravagant, unbelievable, expensive, over the top? Exactly.
I had to call my business manager and move money from a private fucking account to get this done for you. Yeah, fuck you think i have that money just like sitting somewhere i had to pull it out of my savings are you being offended right now what are you doing you're like doing a yakuza fucking thing like you're gonna fucking kill you he will fucking kill you with your legs right no namaste thank you so much very good i like it so what i'm saying to you is very beautiful.
It is. What do you think, Jules? It's really cool, but I feel like you would die from it.
Exactly. Yeah, thank you.
So, dude, I think you're being real. So here's the deal, dude.
Okay. I don't know.
Can you get your money back? How about this? You don't have to give me anything. Just get your money back.
No, dude. You can't get your fucking...
What are you talking about? That's it. It's over.
It's done. I'm going to put this in a vault then.
There's no way I'm going to... Because it's so expensive.
I'm going to put this in a vault. You're not going to wear it out? You don't even want to show it to people that it's a thing that I got you? If you wear that in Hawaii, you will look like a fucking G.
You'll be a king. Don't you want to walk around a king that you are? You're saying that if I walk around with this fucking thing, can I see what it looks like underneath the shirt? That's the whole point is to be on the shirt.
No. No one knows it's there.
Nobody knows. You can actually see how bling his neck is right now.
Yeah, you're iced out on your neck. It's beautiful.
shirt Yeah no shirt would be nice Oh my god So I'm just chilling on a beach Look at what you look like I'm chilling on a beach dude Are you married Bobby or no Bro just look real fast Just look at what Holy shit. Yeah, dude, I look like a future monk or something.
You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I don't look normal.
Okay. Yeah.
Do me if, I'm going to do this one last time. Okay.
If you don't like this piece. Yeah.
I mean. I mean, just tell me the consequences.
I'm being, I'm trying to play it for comedy, but I think you're being real. And I, I want to be completely honest with you.
Thank you so much, but it's a little too much. Like what I bought you was a couple of grand of little knicks, knickknacks, right? You $250,000 is so stupid.
260. Yeah.
260. I know'm just saying that How about this then Yes I'll keep it I'm going to buy a vault Do you have a safe at your house or anything? I do I'm going to get a better vault Because I don't have anything that's worth this much Can you tell them how hard it is to shine from across the room? I mean, look at how beautiful.

Okay, it looks shiny.

Is that what you're saying?

So, Ben, Ben, are you telling me that,

I swear to fucking God, dude,

I don't want to threaten you,

because you look like you know some people.

So I would have never started.

He is the people. I know, but look at what he's doing right now.

I don't know.

What are you doing right now, dude?

You're eyeing me down, dude.

I appreciate it. But what I'm saying is that I will bring this to hawaii and i'll wear it every fucking day but i'm telling you right now i feel like i'm gonna get stares you know we're and also somebody's gonna jack me no they're not yeah they're gonna be like god damn that's 90 whatever and then i'm gonna be like not.
It's plastic. Right? And then they're like, yank it out.
What's wrong, dude? I'm sorry. You're a very craftsman.
Well, I'm a little... I know you're killing it.
All right, so... Can I go? No, no, no.
I can go? Yeah. I appreciate you.
Thank you so much, man. I love you.
I'll text you in a little bit. It's really nice to meet you.
Nice meeting you. I'll text you in a minute.
Thanks a lot, man. All right, take care, Hyeon.
I didn't know you were older than me. Wait, is this your iPhone? Is this yours? Yeah, it is.
I'll go get out. I'd rather have that.
No. God, it looks so good.
All right. Take care.
I'll talk to you in a little bit. All right, all right i'll talk to you a little bit what no please don't take it off no no i'm serious don't don't don't don't don't oh my god bob bob bob stop stop stop stop okay it really hurts my neck though i know i know know.
You have to leave it on for the show. It hurts my neck.
I swear to God, it hurts my neck. It really hurts my neck, dude.
You look very cool, Tita Bobby. Told you.
Yeah, I do. You look so dope.
What's up, boy? Seriously, I hear your mind. I don't care if you and I are married.
When you walked in the door and you asked me and you were like, why are you- I don't care if we're married and we're lovers and we live for 40 years together. You don't give somebody a $260,000 gift for no reason.
No, but there's a reason. What is the reason? And then why would you give me this symbol? Because if- A bad friend, yeah.
You know what I mean? First of all, Ben was like, Ben was in the korean culture because because god has so much

movement i want god to move through bobby and i said what was the piece that you think of making

he said i want to make a dope ass cross like old school hip-hop cross and i said that's so sick and

he goes does he like color blue i said he loves the color blue and he goes i'm i don't actually

no no i i feel like you don't know who i am color blue is not my favorite color no i didn't say

favorite but you like the color blue i like it's like top, but it's like not even the top five. Okay, I'll take top 10.
You know what I mean? We'll sit to six. Yeah, yeah.
Six is fine. And then it's also like, I don't know about the carrots.
It's so shiny and stuff, but it's like, are these real diamonds? There's no way there's real diamonds. What are they, much was this twenty dollars oh you know what i know you so well i know when you're frustrated and i know when you get mad and that's what you're doing right now so so what i'm so what i'm doing is thanks dude what wow and then you know here's another here's another problem i have with this now we're gonna one up each other so what do i have to get you next a maserati that's more than a maserati yeah yeah yeah too much i mean that's my point right here's a yacht and all of a sudden i have have no money.
I'll have no money, dude.

And then all of a sudden, we're broke, dude.

We're like there's two guys from Trading Spaces.

You know what we're like?

What?

You know what we're actually like?

What are we like?

Two bears, one slave.

That's right.

That's right.

Wow, that's crazy, dude.

Thanks a lot, dude.

Oh.

Hey, buddy. What, Dax Flames here? Dax is here Oh man Holy shit Dax Thank you so much Dax Dax are you Do you want to sit or do you gotta go? What should I do? Do you have to go? What do you mean we asked you to sit down down.
What should I do? Hi, nice to meet you. Dax, are you...
How did you know... Did you...
You got me a Hi-Ho Cheeseburger? I heard that you like burgers. Yeah.
And you got me a high-end one. Probably one of the best ones in LA.
You know, that's classy. Okay, check this out.
Yeah. Ask Dax.
Dax, do you like his chain? i got him a chain for his birthday yeah yeah do you not do you do like it or no uh i like it yeah would you wear it i wouldn't wear it yeah wait a minute that's a no wait stop thank you dax do you are you shirtless just for your birthday? No, no. Yes.
He's trying to emphasize the chain.

Yeah, I wouldn't take it to put the shirt back on today.

No, no, please off.

Please.

It looks so much better off.

Okay.

So, Dax, this was Andrew's present.

Okay, nice.

Yeah, and now, can I just say something, bud?

Sure.

It hurts my neck so bad.

Oh, yeah.

Maybe with the shirt on, it'll be a little cushiony.

Yeah, no, I'm just saying the weight of it is kind of pushing my fucking neck

Thank you. It hurts my neck so bad.
Oh, yeah. Maybe with the shirt on, it'll be a little cushiony.
Yeah, no. I'm just saying the weight of it is kind of pushing my fucking neck forward.
It kind of hurts. It's very heavy.
Just sit straight. Sit straight up.
There you go. Okay.
But so, Dax, if you got this, you wouldn't wear it? I would wear it in front of the person who gave it to me. Right.
And then what would you do when you got home with this? Maybe just send them a text. Thank you.
And I'm wearing it. Okay.
Then what would you do with it though? Give it to someone who like would wear it. Right.
This is $260,000. Well.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
So then would you give it to a friend or no or would you put it in a safe i would sell it um and just use the money on something you like oh that's true that's so good i'd prefer you to not do that yeah i'm gonna do that it's what what what do you care that will end our friendship if you do that you bought me a beautiful 200 and that's what it's supposed it's supposed to be. You don't sell it and then take the money and do something else with it.

Yeah, I want to buy other things with it.

Like something that I need, like a car.

You know that my car got totaled.

You have the money for that.

They gave you money for the insurance. I know, but maybe you could have got me a car instead of this thing that I'm not going to fucking wear.

Think about what you're doing, dude.

Why would you ask Ben Baller of fucking Chinese Mafia to come over here?

You know what I mean? With his fucking glare. And then do this to me He's not Chinese Whatever he is What is he? He's Korean Yeah Yeah, yeah He's so hot Rudy what? He's so hot Yeah, he is pretty hot You think he's a hot guy? Yeah You better watch your mouth Watch your fucking mouth And he's 50 something He looks good for 50-something, huh? He's so cool.

Okay, so he's 50-something, and then what are you going to say about...

You guys are...

Yeah.

Sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm getting stepped on today.

I thought it was a good person.

You guys are what?

Like, okay.

And Ben is, like, high up.

So Ben's a hot guy, and we're losers. Not losers, just okay.
And Ben is like, high up. So Ben's a hot guy and we're losers.

Not losers, just okay.

Ugly?

No, okay.

Okay or okay A-Y?

Okay or okay A-Y?

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Ben is like, okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

He's okay, okay, okay.

Okay.

Yeah, I get it.

So Dax, thanks for stopping by and getting, when did you get the cheeseburger? Just a moment ago. Really? Can I open it? May I? Yeah, go ahead.
Okay. When did you get the cheeseburger? Yesterday.
What do you think? He got it today. I don't know how some of you guys work.
Sometimes you guys will get me a cheeseburger from yesterday. Never have we ever.
Never done. Yeah, but from hours ago, whatever.
You've done that before, hours ago. It's been delivered 15 minutes before you're here But he went and got this for your birthday Really thank you so much He also wanted to sing you happy birthday while you took a bite So will you hold on will you take a bite and you sing Dex You said you had a special version of happy birthday for him Yeah yeah Go ahead while you take a bite So wait until I grab it I'm sorry can i just said something really appreciate it pretty cold though huh is it cold eh yeah honestly when did you get this uh maybe 35 minutes ago okay that's not bad not bad all right here we go go and go happy birthday to you happy birthday to you happy birthday dear bob Happy birthday to you.
And there's a little card for you as well. That was the rendition? That was your own rendition? Oh, happy Bobby day to you.
Happy Bobby day to you. I'm going to change the words in tune a little bit.
All right, let's not eat. Let's read the card.
Let's read the card. I'll eat this later, Ben.
Thank you so much. Ben?

You still got Ben on your mind.

Yeah, Ben's still on my mind.

Sorry.

Ben Baller's still on my mind.

Do you know Ben Baller?

Did you meet him on the way out?

He's incredible.

And Rudy thinks he's really hot.

He's a very handsome, cool dude.

He's the man.

He looks handsome.

He is.

He very much is.

Oh, a card.

What does it say Can I see it No you may not Well let him read it I memorized it That's how short it was What did it say Keep up the good work Well that's true isn't it No there's no Dax Nothing Well you know who gave it to you He just gave it to you It doesn't matter Like when I 20 years from now Because I keep these In a fucking box Maybe he'll sign it for you And for memories Because I'll, Dax, nothing. Well, you know who gave it to you.
He just gave it to you. It doesn't matter.
20 years from now, because I keep these in a fucking box.

Maybe he'll sign it for you.

And for memories, I'll... No, fuck off.

Hey, what?

I'm sorry.

This is bullshit.

My neck hurts.

So what?

Grow up.

You're 53.

Fuck you, man.

Fuck you.

Sorry, is that me?

Yeah.

I'm being the wrong one?

All right, sorry, McConaughey. thank you so much dax for sure dax thank you man this was i appreciate him thank you dax thank you so much we'll see you later buddy thanks a lot man bye dude thanks dax very nice what a sweet sweet guy like guy.
Like, honestly. Honestly.

Rudy has something to tell us.

What?

You fucking know.

Don't play dumb.

Don't you dare play dumb with me.

That's so good.

Tito Bobby.

Are they good or no?

Oh, hold on.

I'm going to try to see if I can get it.

No, that's going to hurt, dude.

No, it won't.

Yeah.

Sticky.

Hold on. Can I have this? No.
No. Why do you want to take that home? Because I need to shave.
Yeah, but that's for a man. That's for men.
It's better. Is that womenscaped? I know, but men's ravers is usually better.
Why? Why? I don't know they make it better for men Why would they make it better for us than for you guys It doesn't make any sense Isn't it the same because sometimes I'll go out on the road I'll use a woman's shaver on my tootie You do on your toot suit? They say men's razors are better It's more sensitive for sure I have a little Can I tell a little gripe or not? Please. I thank you so much for your happy birthday messages on Instagram.
But next time you do that, you don't have to throw in a fun fact. Give us some fun facts.
So today I get, happy birthday, buddy. By the way, Pat Morita, you're older now than Pat Morita was when he did Karate wow when he was wow you are right it's insane and then guess what two hours later i bought a bonsai tree wow pat marita during car how old was pat marita when he did 52 yeah you're 53 i'm 53 so you're older than Miyagi.
Dude, I'm older than Mr. Miyagi in that movie.

Wow.

Isn't that crazy?

That's beautiful.

No, I don't like that.

I love that because look at how much younger you look than he looks.

That's a compliment.

Oh, no, you look the same.

Never mind.

You look the same.

Pretty good.

Let me hear you say wax on, wax off.

Wax on or wax off?

No.

How do you say it?

Really go for it.

Wax on or wax off? Kind of play it out. Play it out? I don't even know what you mean, your notes.
Play it out. Oh, play it out.
Mm-hmm. Bring up the wax on, wax off scene, please.
Yeah. Bring up the wax on, wax off scene, please.
Okay. I think I'm doing it way too much, I think.
I think his is subtle his is more low yeah yeah here it is i'm what have you seen this movie oh my god you have to watch this movie what are you doing what are you doing dude that was literally so huh i'm what i'm being you goddamn slave is what i'm being man now we made a deal here so so so you're supposed to teach oh you're supposed to learn remember for four days i've I've been busting my ass, I don't want a goddamn thing. Ah, you've had plenty.
So? So? So?

You learn plenty

Not everything is a sim

Not everything is a sim

Tanyo-san

Come here Tanya-san!

Oh I remember this whole thing. It doesn't work but they try to help other people ow what are you doing now show me sand the floor how did you do that show

so good it's such a great movie sand the floor

you do that all the time show me i thought it was blowing him when it went Sander floor Sander floor Big sucker Sander floor Sander floor Now show me Wax on, wax off Wax on, wax off oh again he goes to blow him again it's like

oh come on Wax on hat. Wax off hat.
Concentrate. Look my eye.
Backhand. Thumb inside.
W on, hat. Wax off, hat.
Wax on, hat. Wax off, hat.
Wax on. Wax off.
Show me paint the fence. down up down up down

I love this guy look I always look I

gotta want to watch this whole movie

me too right now it's so good yeah all

right pause it no no I want to see the

part where he I gotta see this part

not released when he actually does it

I'm going to go ahead. I gotta see this part.
When he actually does it.

Side side.

Yes.

Show me wax on, wax off.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Show me pen to fence.

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Yes!

Show me side of side.

Yes!

Yes! paint the fence show me side of the face show me sand of floor karate kid dude that's how you learn. By Emanuel Leiber.
I feel like the Jackie Chan version is better. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. What? Oh, my God.
I just. What do you mean? What do you mean? What do we mean? What do you mean? What the fuck do you mean? That movie is so good.
No. Oh my God, dude.
Have you seen it? Have you seen it? I've seen it. It's with Jaden Smith? Yeah.
No. No.
Ralph Macchio, my guy. Ralph Macchio guy.
I even cried at the end. You would.
Oh, why? Because there's black people in it? Oh, because he won. What? He won.
Yes, who did fucking Ralph Macchio? No, this is better. No, you haven't even seen Karate Kid to say that this is better.
Did Jaden do the crane? Yeah. He did.
It did a great job. Oh, really? It's actually really impressive.
Honestly, it's actually a really good movie. Yeah, it is.
But don't do that to Pat Morita. Not on his birthday.
Okay. Not on his birthday.
Yeah, yeah. But I never saw this version.
I did. Did you? Yeah, it's pretty good.
It is pretty good?

Yeah, it's very good.

All right.

It's actually very good. It is, okay.

Well, Jackie's incredible.

Yeah.

Jaden is phenomenal.

He's the child of an egomaniacal sociopathic maniac.

So he, of course, is going to be a good actor.

Yeah, yeah.

It's like, what are we talking about?

The guy's incredible.

Wow.

The whole family, he breeds talent.

All these kids have talent.

All of them.

That's amazing. What does it say on the hill? Cheap? Cheap, cheap, cheap, cheap Let me see you zoom in Oh, it's written in This way to dog hill Oh Is this in Springfield? Wow Wow It's interesting I think you should watch it You'd like it Do you think Koreans got offended by this Haitian stuff? we're the one that eat the dog do you think or not? that is our thing that's our thing that's us yeah don't take credit for a dog yeah so I'm gonna watch that movie then you should okay it's actually really good what do you have to announce to Tito on his birthday you told me before the show you wanted to ask and tell him something tell him what it is go ahead um that i just wanted to say that i appreciate you i see you as like a father

figure i think you've you've um you've always been there for me you're very supportive and i think

Thank you. I think you've always been there for me.

You're very supportive.

And I think, yeah, you're just, I love you.

I mean, coming from her.

That's huge.

That's the best.

I believe it.

She said, I love you.

Go ahead, Carlos. Me? You want me to say something? Way to go mccone go ahead and do try it again yeah i don't think you know what you're doing what's happening he's jerking it it's the way the arrow go i i think it's a lost dude that's your guy that's my guy that's your guy that's my guy yeah Wow.
That That was so sad Here's the best part Here's the best part You fucker Well Carlos said it because Carlos has to clean that up That's the best part Happy birthday Thank you man Anyone else have a speech Oh I have one. Okay, go ahead.
Bob, I've met you like 14 years ago. And you're one of the only people in Hollywood or in my life that's ever just been consistent.
Thank you. And I just want to say thank you.
Thank you, bud. And I've always looked up to you.
Thank you, bud. You're the man.
Thank you, bud. McCone? McCone You got me through some of the toughest times in my life Back when I was FedEx driving during the pandemic Didn't know where I was going This is before I met you Yeah But parasocially He's saying he was a fan Parasocially Been a fan Okay And then through you Belly, I heard about Brandon Dermer, got a lot of my first jobs through there.
And then also you were nice enough to talk to me that one night at the comedy store. And I was so happy that you did.
I walked three miles home to my apartment in central Hollywood because I couldn't believe that you talked to me and you were nice. And I was so nervous.
I was stumbling over my words and slow down it's okay let's take a seat we sat down and we talked i remember that you gave me your number and i couldn't believe i was calling the front patio i was calling everyone front patio yeah yeah i remember unbelievable and then uh i just i i always look back that's good that's a lot you're doing too much Just stop God God damn dude I love you Yeah Alright Pete Pete Bobby I've been a fan Of yours Alright that's good So let's get back On the show Let's just kind of Continue the show That's not real But anyway Let's go back to the show Jules He already did it What's going on in your life Yeah what's going on Well in class We made Fruit flies drunk And I learned that they don't have any lungs, so they just breathe through their skin. We're trying to get you citizenship? We're paying for a citizenship? This is insane.
You're getting fucking fruit flies drunk? Drunk. Wait, why? To find out what? Just to find out if, I don't know.

They're doing research and we're doing that kind of procedure for the flies.

She's already becoming a nurse.

Already.

Look at that.

Start with the insects.

Researchers suggest that alcohol stimulates the flies' brains as a reward in a similar way to sexual conquest.

The work points to a brain chemical called neuropeptide F, which seems to be regulated by the fly's behavior. Something with a brain.
Yeah, well, I just read it. Yeah.
Yeah. Jesus Christ.
Just read it. You're in school.
Uh-huh. I thought you were done.
Didn't we think you were done? No, next year. Next year you're done.
You know, I rewatched some of the paranormalivity movies. Oh, wow.
Do you want to creep yourself out a little bit? Do you see? No. You've never seen Paranormal Activity? I have, but I haven't seen anything recently.
No, like the first two. Sure.
The original ones. Yeah.
Have you seen it? They're like 20 years old. Oh, yeah, yeah.
2019, 2009. Yeah.
I'm just saying they're good. No, they're very good.
I'm just saying, you're talking about like it's in a theater now.

I know, but what I'm saying is that

that's a horror movie where

when you do watch it alone

and you actually go to bed,

any creak, anything is-

Gets you.

It gets you.

It gets you more than the modern.

The modern shit doesn't get me anymore.

No, that Paranormal Activity got me.

Got me good.

Have you seen it?

No.

It's incredible.

Oh, it's so good.

Yeah.

But my question is, I don't know if it's incredible so good yeah but my question is

i mean oh it's an old movie but that guy micah do you remember micah in it oh no what what do you what what no what do you want i just have a question yeah i want to i'm waiting that guy so he's the husband of that group first in the first movie yeah he leave I leave

Right you leave

You can't that's your

No you leave

You can't

Yeah dude

You don't break up things that are so good look at this you stay if you and i even when it's hard if you and i were camping go and there was a ghostly presence in the forest yeah okay and i go you know what i do experiment and you're telling me and you're fucking telling me oh yes Ever since I was a baby A ghost has been fucking haunting me Yeah Right And then I go, you know what? I do an experiment. And you're telling me, and you're fucking telling me, oh yes, ever since there's a baby, a ghost has been fucking haunting me.
Yeah. Right? And then I go, I have some baking powder.
Out of nowhere. Sure.
Just have some in my trunk. Just in case.
Right. So I did an experiment.
At three in the morning, I put baking powder outside our fucking tent. The next morning, if we saw ghostly footsteps on that baking powder, you'll never see it.
No more bad friends. That's it.

Yeah, it's just friend.

Just friend.

By yourself.

Old friend.

Yeah, because there's no way.

Anyway.

Is this real?

Yes.

Yeah, it's real.

What do you mean?

I don't know anything about it.

It's a fucking movie.

Oh.

Yeah. You never saw Paranormal Activity? No What? Okay He can do it It's just not hard, nice and slow He's got it And do you want glasses or no? You've never seen Paranormal Activity? No Why not How not? Why not, dude? It's such a good movie It's such a fucking good movie, dude I watched the David Chase documentary about Sopranos Oh my god Did you see Chimp Crazy? Oh my We watched it together on a plane What are you talking about? We were both watching it Do you see Chimp Crazy? I wanna see that I haven't seen it Oh my god It's Chimp Crazy is so good Donnell Donnell Rawlings Wowlings.
Wow, D. Wow.
Good to see you. What's up? What's up, D? What's up? You want to wish Bob a happy birthday? What's up, D? Before we even start, I just want to say, Diddy is not my boy.
Yes, he is. Yes, he is.
I've got to be clear. Kim Jong is not your boy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Diddy, Sean Puppet Kong, Sean John is not my boy.
Have you met him before? Yes, I have met him before. Pictures of Donnell Rawlings and P.
Diddy together. No, wait, wait, wait.
They're on the internet. Let's see what's on the internet.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Spaghetti. Someone's been to the island.
Whoa. Uh-oh.
Where, where? There's got to be photos of them together. Boys.
Yeah. Okay.
Zoom in, zoom in. Oh, wow.
There's the dogs. Just be.
Okay. First off.
Okay. What do we got here? Photoshop.
That's not Photoshop. That's 100% you.
That's you. That's not me.
That's you partying in St. Barts with Diddy.
Okay. Yeah.
It wasn't Diddy. Diddy was the freak.
I was with Sean Combs. Oh, sorry about that.
Oh. My bad.
I was with Sean Combs. That was a very good night.
Okay. I bet it was.
There's Dave. Interesting that this would take place also on an island.
Is that Tiger Woods? No, that's not Tiger Woods. That's so funny to say that.
Is that Magic Johnson? Yep, that's Magic Johnson. To the left.
No, it's not Magic Johnson. The fact that y'all think everybody looks like Magic Johnson.
First of all, that's Magic Johnson on the left. No, it's not Magic Johnson.
The fact that y'all think everybody looks like Magic Johnson.

First of all, that's Magic Johnson on the left.

No, it's not.

It's all Chris Spencer.

Yeah, that's what it looks like.

French Montana.

Serena Williams.

No, it's not Serena Williams.

No, yeah, yeah.

Okay, the kid from Black-ish.

Oh, God.

Hold on, let me guess.

Honestly, tell us who that is.

No, no, let us guess.

Okay.

Okay.

Dave Chappelle, Sean Combs. Russell Simmons, let us guess.
Okay. Okay.
Dave Chappelle, Sean Combs.

Russell Simmons.

Let me guess.

Okay.

Okay.

That guy on the far left is Bo Diddley.

Above Bo is...

The Invisible Man from the book.

That's Invisible Man.

Right next to him is Whitey Ford.

Yeah.

And next to me is a bottle of uh baby oil one of the thousand one of the 10 000 bottles of baby do you remember that night though big time yeah i faded i was supposed to be in faith but the thing about it was i just did a podcast a while ago and i say you know it's hard like it's when when someone you know gets in trouble you have mixed feelings because you have a relationship different from what the media sure sure yeah i know as crazy as it may sound this is something that he does he does every like christ during the christmas break and it's a very very family family oriented retreat yeah i know it may sound crazy but that day was a great day it was filled with candy canes and popcorn and all the festive things that people like for the holiday candy canes but i will say who likes candy i don't like candy canes i left that party at a reasonable hour and i tell people all the time puffy throws the best party but you got to leave before four co-clock in the morning.

Four co-clock.

Four co-clock.

It's going to go crazy.

Can I say something?

Do you have the same disease Gary Coleman had?

I don't have a disease.

Okay.

All right.

Donnell, take this the right way.

Yeah.

I have never in my life seen a black person with a candy cane.

Ever.

Me either. I mean that in my entire life.
Me either. I bet you can't even Google black guy with candy cane.
I'll tell you this. There's two candy canes that black people fuck with.
Oh, shit. The colors, all the colors.
All the color, and we fuck with them. But the peppermint- There's a candy cane right there, dude.
I've seen that. Who is that? What? Who is that? I've never had a candy cane.
That's Donnell's uncle. D, is this you? No, that's not.

That was in your Instagram slides.

No, it wasn't.

So what kind of conspiracy is this?

Yeah, when he comes in, we're just going to shit on the fact that we all connected a week ago.

It was a love fest and we had a good time.

We hugged up each other and everything.

Now it's back to like, okay.

Okay, D, we're done.

We're done.

D, D, what did we learn about each other last week uh we learned that i'm consistent with not liking you and i thought that was just reserved for hollywood but it works in the midwest i know you are an asshole yeah the funny thing about it is people say this is i don't know if this is white culture or whatever and i'm not going to make everything race. He said rice.
I know he said rice. He's not going to make everything rice.
Sorry. Yeah, yeah.
Sorry, but I'm not a fan of yours. Yeah.
I'll tell you what I'm not a fan of. What's that? If I may.
Your feet. Yeah.
You don't know anything about my feet. Yeah, I saw your feet.
No, he didn't see him. You don't know anything about my feet is that whole day you know what it's the black arrow this is because his his foot is like an arrow i got something for you since you're talking about socks you got socks because i found out that i hear you go what color do you want you only have options now all right you don't have any options but speaking of feet uh this is what i do to protect the innocence of my feet.
Yeah. And what did you learn about my feet? They're shaped in an unusual way.
They're like an arrow. Yeah.
Very girthy and long. No, pointy.
Skinny. Pointy and skinny.
I know you're not familiar with that. Oh, boy.
I'm just saying, we're going to do it, Bobby. Let's just do it.
We're not doing what, dude? All right. You come onto my podcast.
I'm not doing anything. I'm doing anything I'm like welcome you could talking about my dick dog no I'm not talking about that I'm talking to lack of that's that's you know people can speculate whatever they want yeah you go on record it's yeah it's it's his birthday let's be nice my birthday thanks man I got I got him a nice gift you like the gift I gave him chain.
Did you bring a chain in just because I was going to be here? Insane to think that. That's nice.
I knew that he was going to have that twisted fucking fountain thinking. No, I thought he was like this.
Oh, Donnelly, this is real hip and cool. Wait a minute.
You dress like a doctor. What are you? Let's not talk about clothing over here.
Okay, pal. Let's not talk about it.
Let's not talk about it. No, you got a doctor.
That a doctor's dress yeah we're look and look at how she's dressed it's for his birthday we're playing his famous roles in movies she's chilly chill right there and i'm in his favorite all-time movie the banger that is drugstore june okay see i didn't know that there's some history i didn't know i thank you for bringing me but i bought him this chain from ben baller i had to 260 grand dog that's friendship right. How long before you sell it? See, that's what I said.
Yeah. Now, let me ask you something.
Is it something that you would do? What, give somebody a chain? No, no. Sell it.
If somebody gave you a $260,000 chain, would you sell it? It all depends who gifted me. Me.
If they gave it, I would definitely sell it. I don't want any memories.
He slammed you too, dude. He comes in here with fucking...
This is what he does to me all the time. What the fuck is your problem? You asked me last week, yo man, I'm going to be in town, dog.
Can I do your podcast? I go, yeah, you're welcome. You come here and you fucking do this? Horrible impression of me.
That was a horrible impression. Yo, dog, why you had to do all that stuff? Now, if I would have been like this, and you was like, don't help.
You can't go do that special. Then that you was like this You can go do that special

You can do that special

I didn't do that

When I saw you I did roll up to you

Playing Kung Fu Fighting

You did

I thought that was good

So I saw your toes

Didn't like them

Honestly they're not

I don't do pedicures

So then we did the show

Very funny Thank you. toes um didn't like them and then they got man toes i got another honestly they're not i don't do pedicures yeah so then we did the show yeah very funny and then um what did i do to you on stage do you remember i don't yeah i tackled you a little bit i don't remember that what did he show you he showed you something on stage no he didn't yes i did yeah he.
What? You commented about it the whole time. Inside of my butthole.
You know what? Damn, you know how something sounds like it's a good idea? And you start up, you're like, this man, I would love to. Yeah, yeah.
I fucked up. And you stared a little too long, dog.
No, I didn't. What I did tell you- He went like this.
Yeah. Huh? Huh? Yeah, you did you did that i didn't tell you i said that what i did tell you was that uh black people are one of the racists still hold tight to being homophobic and with that said you crossed the roads with me every time you try to get close to me i told you to get the fuck away from me but you're used to people being aggressive towards you being negative so that wasn't anything that just made you more excited about being an asshole right but this podcast is not going to be about my disdain toward you good all right what do you mean man it's gonna be about a bond yeah good there was a fucking bond and i'll tell you another thing chachi okay oh go ahead yeah yeah this.
So this is the truth. You want to hear the truth? Yeah.
I got the truth, dog. Give it to me, baby.
Okay. You want me to preach? Preach.
What's the truth? The truth is this. Player.
Okay. You and I got booked on...
Let me talk, dog. You and I got booked on a TV show, right? We did.
Got booked on a TV show right We did Burk Ryser The Cabin You weren't the first choice Yeah yeah yeah yeah Let me finish Can I tell the story Default Okay go ahead Can I tell the story You thought you were gonna do the show with Bill Burr Right You woke up that morning What Excited About Bill Burr About Bill Burr right No I'm not excited about Bill Burr I'm excited about the history and what i was were told about the shows this is going to be a show where you go out in the woods and you bond with your boys you have great conversations yep i didn't know it was going to be a show that invited a person like bobby or would be excited about bobby getting there and when i was there because i had to talk to bill in a while yeah and when i this is what this was what my response was i my response was. I looked at the trailers and I was like, where's Bill's trailer? Right.
Then I look and it was a, and he didn't have a plaque. It was a piece of tape.
They just wrote his name. Right.
That's when you know the person wasn't supposed to be there. And I saw it and I said, Bobby, and I said, fuck.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I was like, he's going to be naked. Yeah.
it no it wasn't and that one time it took away from like what a show i thought it was i was like it's one of those shows and sure enough soon as i walk in the joint this naked ass no no no that's i'm so offended by bring up the picture of bobby naked in the cabin on netflix i'm so offended that you would even say something like this are you yeah yeah i'm so you were naked on the cabin on no no no no no no no no on a bare skin not a bare skin no skin what are you guys doing i mean bring up the photo there's a photo of it yeah nothing but naked right there with burt oh this is what i walked into right yeah so but and this is what bill no no no i'm sorry could i may sorry. Can I...
May I say something? He got naked first. Ibtukcha.
Ibtukcha. Right.
He got naked first. Ibtukcha.
What are you doing? Guys. We're not watching the show.
Oh, yeah. There we go.
And that's so disrespectful. Oh, here we go.
Caucasian people time. Oh, Bobby.
When did you get here? Oh, for did you get here and look how comfortable he is watch how long it takes this is a set up cause I had no idea what the fuck this show was about and then Bobby came back and made it feel like it's rest hour three I don't want to be a part of this shit is there any way I could take a photo with you me naked as well don't even't even put this on the show. 10 seconds on set.
10 seconds you got there. I asked politely.
Did you hear me ask politely? Thank you. Street thread, gone.
Oh, no. It's the two fingers.
Is that not a joyous occasion? For you, it was. Did you not think that we did good together? Good chemistry.
I think that there was a part of the show that we had good chemistry. Other than that, I just wanted to get the fuck out of this.
Can I just say this? I promise you this. I guarantee you.
You did that with Bill. Our still would have done better numbers.
We wasn't doing that at all. You do that.
You're comfortable. You want to do it.
And that's, I sense that you want to do it. You want to do it.
You fucking want to do it. And you're too afraid to say yes.
And I'm saying you're going to get there. Help me out.
Well, I agree with you. You're comfortable exposing a body that looks like an old man and a baby in the same person here it goes how are you shaking here it goes how are you shaking like an old man don't do this it's my birthday dog peace all right no all right honestly dude yo honestly dude give me a hug give hug, Donnell.
You smell good. They're like Cuban cigars.

All right.

No.

Thank you, Donnell.

Thank you, Donnell.

Very good.

Very good.

So, Donnell.

I got to take this off.

It's so heavy.

Take it off.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Be careful taking it off. I can't believe I'm here.
Ben Baller was in here Before you got here Gave me that He just gave me that And then you just Gipped it to him So it wasn't like a gift I didn't give him that shit That's $260,000 That's for real It's yours You didn't give it to him I didn't give him shit No that's going right back to Ben That shit was all fake Oh yeah Oh fuck yeah I thought that was my big gift He thought that was his big gift And I 100% We 100% had I was You know dude Okay let's go back to real You do have a real gift coming Honestly though dude Hold on Hold on Put your shit on Go ahead I want to be real with you My bad I'm sorry And I'm never gonna do that again You will I won't You will I won't It's in your nature I've never done anything like that to you ever i've only shown you love and respect since i've known you and secondly dude i literally um you're like one of the few guys i think in the country where i just wouldn't want to follow on stage yeah thank you that's why we made him close the show you're a fucking destroyer dude you really are You really are You are equally Let me just get this off my chest I honestly only feel Pure respect And love for you dude And you know it's like I think I sense certain things like a sexuality Or energy but I know I'm probably reading it probably i'm sorry i do see that with you too i think i'm reading i think i'm reading it wrong but i might not be you know i don't know because i'm usually right right i feel a sexual tension but i will ignore it i'll bypass it welcome to the show we will honestly we will never do that again we'll never hug and it wasn't a we it was a. I didn't participate with that.
Right. All right.
It wasn't a we. It was a you.
That's what he's saying. It wasn't reciprocated.
He was bummed about it. That's what he's saying.
Thank you so much. Yeah.
It's his birthday. It's a two-way street.
Yeah. It is a two-way street friendship.
What can you do for your birthday that you haven't already did to embarrass yourself and ruin your career. How do you celebrate?

What do you mean?

What do you mean?

How do you celebrate?

You've done everything despicable, everything that you can.

But I've done some high-loose.

What do you celebrate during your birthday?

He's never fucked a guy.

Yeah, that's true.

Thank you so much. Well, you didn't have to fuck a guy, but if you got fucked by the guy, that's the same.
Fucking a guy. It's in the same boat.
You know what I'm saying? No. I didn't fuck him.
He just fucked me. I'm still gangster.
Give me my charm back. Please.
Give him that charm back. That's the only thing that's going to keep them together.

So anyway, yeah.

I mean, what is it that scares you about flesh and flesh?

Yeah.

Flesh and my flesh is what's scary.

Oh.

You know, I've-

Here's another interesting thing you did last week.

Because Andrew and I were in Springfield, Ohio.

Yellow Springs.

You were in Yellow Springs.

In your neighborhood.

Don-

Hanging out all night.

Don Allen Day.

Right?

Yeah.

And late at night, I swear to God. And if you don't admit this I'm gonna lose my fucking mind you're gonna do what? I'll lose my mind again yes I just wanna be clear you turn to me stop stop fucking stop sorry it's okay it's your birthday you go nuts thank you guys I'm close to...
No. Stop, stop.
Stop. Fucking stop.
Okay. Sorry.
That's okay. It's your birthday.
It's my birthday, yeah. You go nuts.
Thank you, guys. All right.
With your little beautiful eyes, you looked at me, and you go, yeah, dog. I would say you have beautiful eyes, but I can't see them.
I mean, if we're going to do it, let's just do it, Bobby. All right? Wake up.
is still sleep you look at me and you go yo man come to my house let me cook you something no yeah you did yeah you did that's not what i said this is what you said bobby yeah and i said you no i don't have my lube i don't have my lube on me shut the fuck up on your birthday yeah how about that that's the gayest thing I've ever heard. No, what I said...
Three don't have my lube. I don't have my lube on me.
Shut the fuck up on your birthday. That's the gayest thing I've ever heard.
What I said. Three in the morning, come to my house.
Let me make you some fish, dog. Did you not say that? Did you not say that? Did you not? I'm going to let you do you.
I'm going to let you calm down. I'm going to respect the fact it's your birthday.
This is what I said. Okay, sorry.
Too much? No, this is what I said. Keep going.
You said, Donnie, where is it a good place to get some food in Yellow Springs? I said, at my house. And you said, this is what you said.
You said, I don't want your fried chicken, your collard greens, or your chitlins. He did not say that.
Yes, he did. He said, no, he said, I don't want pig's feet.
He said, I don't want pig's feet. That's right, pig's feet, yeah.
He said, I don't want pig's feet. Yeah, yeah.
I don't want grits or okra. That's all he said.
Or jammy jam. He doesn't want jammy jam yeah i don't like your jammy jam after he started talking to people in town he realized that there's one thing this is a cool town but it's not good it's not known for its food space and what i was doing was i wanted to offer that to you because i like cooking for people when they come in it was three in the morning you said to come you i don't see it that way you said come over right now to my house now.
Right? And I go, wow, it's three in the morning.

In my mind.

Let me cook you up something.

Now, to me, from where I'm from, dog, right?

You would have jumped over.

Where you from, you would have jumped over.

Yo, where you from, if I would have invited you over.

It is.

Where you from?

Exactly.

That's where it's from.

That's where it is.

That's where it is.

Where you're from, you would have jumped on the opportunity to come to my crib no i would have loved to see where you live yeah i wish we went over to your house we weren't there long enough yeah but i i invited you i know we were there for three in the morning it's a little weird we're there for 17 hours yeah right and i couldn't get an hour of your time david david had most of our time yeah okay that's not my fault I tried I thought it was a good experience and I was excited to see you guys hanging out that was a really fun and I'll be honest with you what did I do in the car Bob started crying we were leaving the shack where we were all uh our beloved dave chappelle and uh beloved what the fuck is that that's good beloved we do beloved him we beloved him i beloved him yeah and we were riding home after hanging with you and the family and talib kwali and then he turned to me and he said you know what and he just started bawling He just started crying in the car. I'm a hand to God.

Hand to God.

It was like, I'm just getting really emotional.

This was such a wonderful day, a great moment in my life.

It was really, really nice. He goes, I just really wish, I really, really wish that,

I really wish Donnell wasn't there.

Yeah.

And I could agree with that.

And he started crying and I said, I wish Donnell wasn't there either.

And it hit me in my chest and I said why did don't show up i know because because honestly when i saw your fucking crooked feet i saw your turkey turkey feet right it was like it was like ah like that right stick it out like that right I go I wish I hadn't seen that could it give me PTSD and I have to do fucking trauma work on it because those are fucking nasty I know when I when I when I when I yeah yeah he did I was gonna say this yeah when we did Burke I want to say this. Yeah.

When we did Burk Rites' show, I heard about the stereotypes of Asian little Chinese looking motherfuckers, right?

And I would be in a situation where I saw what was close to, an Asian penis. And then I said to myself, and I didn't think about it, and I said, this is why they like anal so much.
It's the only place that it fits, and you know it's there. You know what?

He did really cry in the car i didn't really find the car real he really did we got emotional it was such a beautiful day with you we had a lovely beautiful day we had a beautiful day and you went on stage and you i didn't think this hold on i'm sorry give him a minute yeah a minute We'll give you a minute Give you a minute

Okay

What's going on?

Birthday cake

Oh we got a little

Birthday cake

Why now?

He said there's no better time

Than now

Okay

Wow

Donnell look at this

This is from Donnell

I love Hogwarts

No say thank you

He did

Did you really make this?

You brought this?

If a penis pops out No I didn't And I know know what you're wishing for before you even open that box. Is this a trick? No, it's not a trick, bud.
Whoa! Wow. That's not one of the greatest cakes you've ever seen what i mean i'm listening to the song oh

sorry where's the cake right here oh it's cake inside yeah is that korean love music no no do it again one One more time, Donnell. So money, you have no money.
If you don't have any money, what's the second one? If you don't, you have money. You have money.
You have moneyobaseo, Edywa. Sir, sir, sir.
Come here. Yeah.
Edywa. Come here.
Yobaseo, Yobaseo, Yobaseo, Edywa. Yeah.
Money, oops, so, if you don't have no money, get the funny. Money, oops, so, hop, she died.
You got money, you can fuck. This is really fancy.
Who bought me this? Donnell did. Really? Donnell, you really bought me this? Yeah, I didn't.
Yeah, there's no way you're going to buy me. The reason I did, I wouldn't have done it because it's making you happy and I would have never wanted to.
I know. But you didn't even know it was my birthday today, huh? I didn't.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I would have loved to stand you up on your birthday.
Yep. Why are you so mean, dude? You bring the worst out of me.
I know, but you know you love me. I mean.
Be honest. I know the what's going on here The whole episode's been chaos It's chaos right But let's be honest with our fans I'll be honest I like fucking with you When I see you we have fucking around we have fun Why don't you ever say when you have these emotions Say Donnell look me in look me in my eyes.
Why do you never say that? That's an eye joke. It's another eye joke.
Yeah, it's coming. Yes, it is.
I promise you, it's not an eye joke. Donnell, Donnell.
I don't know what you're talking about. Can you just open? What? How do y'all do this? Donnell, seriously.
I you so much And we're good friends Why do you have a hammer? Just take a scissor and cut the tape out of there I love you I don't I do respect you You only respect me So if you found out that I passed away There would be be no sadness? If I found out what? I passed away. Only thing I would be mad about is that I don't have a picture with you where I could just do my bullshit RIP post.
All right, right, right. Say this one hurt and put the prayer sign up.
Yeah. We're going to get that tonight.
If I did take a picture with you, if you died, Bob, I'd be like, just, well, he'll be missed.

I think.

No, I wouldn't be hurt if you passed away.

I don't even want to talk about that.

Is that good?

Pretty good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Good.

Pretty good.

I'm going to watch you eat it.

You guys, honestly, what a beautiful birthday edition.

I thought that was a wild episode.

It was really fun.

Dude, wild. Really fun.
There's so much to it. There's a lot.
Yeah, it's going to kill it. Donnell was on.
Wait, wait, wait. No.
Icing on the cake. So Donnell, do you want to plug anything? He has a podcast.
What's it called? It's called The Donnell Rawlings Show. Okay.
Subscribe to it. I go to my...
I don't know when this comes out. You guys come out the next day or so, right? Yeah.
No? No? This will be out. A couple weeks.
In a week. November 30th.
I'll be at. Check out his podcast, Jamming with D.
J with D. J with the D.
What up? What are your dates? You got some dates, dog? I don't know when this is going to come out. We just said the 30th, man.

The 30th?

I will be at October the 4th.

I'll be at NJ Pack Theater in New Jersey.

Yeah, check them out.

What else?

Improv and Schaumburg, you're playing my home, Chicago.

Love that club.

Addison, love that club.

Mothership, going to see Rogan, Comedy Zone, Charlotte, ATL, then he goes to DC and the Irvine Improv

and Milwaukee.

Go to DonnellRawlings.com.

You are making some money. DonnellRawlings.com.

I know what those rooms feel. Probably the greatest stand-up

we know.

We love him to death.

Look at his eyes.

Look at his eyes on TV.

Oh my God.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Donnell, come on. We gotta take a photo, Donnell.
Thank you. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Donnell. Donnell, come on.
You're not gonna... Somebody has to help me take this off.
I will. Okay.
It's a little expensive. I can't fucking believe you.
I can't fucking believe you right now, dude. Take your fucking head.
Take your hat off because I got to do it with your hat and your glasses off. There's no cook.
Stop, stop, stop. Relax.
Take your glasses off, dude. You're my glasses.
Hold on. Is it really heavy? Yes.
Huge fucking head. Is there a cook or? Yeah, there was a class, but I think he took it off.
I don't know how he... Oh, he didn't take it.
Hold on, hold on. There you go.
Gentle, dude. Gentle, gentle.
Gentle that way. Gentle.
There you go. Oh, my God.
Thank God. Like, be thankful.
Thank you. It's okay.
No, you're right. You're right.
It's fine. You're right.
No, no, you're right. If you don't like it, I get it.
If you don't like it, I get it. No, no, no, I don't want to.
Yeah, give it back. No.
Don't. Give it back.
Give it back. That's mine.
You don't fucking like it, so don't like it. I like it.
It's going to appreciate through time. It's going to go home with me.
I want a real gift then.

You're out of your fucking mind.

You're out of your fucking mind.

You're out of your fucking mind.

You're out of your fucking mind.

This is a real fucking gift.

This is a real fucking gift.

Why would you give me a $260,000 for a gift?

It doesn't make any sense.

It's the oldest sense in the world.

It's a gift.

God.

That's just like...

Why would he give me that? Man, that is one of probably the greatest bits we've done on this show. That was really good.
What?

Isn't that good?

How much was that though?

He just gave it to me.

I'm gonna give it back to him tomorrow.

Oh, okay.

Isn't that fucking amazing?

Yeah.

How good is that bit though?

Holy fuck, this thing is heavy.

How funny is that bit?

She thought it was real.

There's no way I knew that.

I thought, for a second, I thought it was real.

Hey, but everyone give me a little credit.

No, no, no.

You bit on that.

You were scary.

Yeah, you bit on that. You were scary.
Yeah. You bit on it.

I thought that was amazing.