Rudy Has A Seizure

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. I have some good news for you, though, Carlos.
I'm glad you're here. What's up? So, you know, my friend Peter?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Peter, what? The gay Asian.
Exactly. Dingo.

Speaker 2 The only Peter around, my friend.

Speaker 2 And so, Peter, the other night, I was talking to him and he goes,

Speaker 2 I'm a top now, which is great. Now, is that a whole thing for them to make the switch? Hey.
Hello. God, you're tan, huh? Yeah, what the? Where have you been? Surfing.
Serbia?

Speaker 2 What'd you go to Serbia for? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wait, you've been surfing every day, huh? Every weekend. Santa Monica?

Speaker 3 Yeah, or El Porto Beach.

Speaker 2 Honestly,

Speaker 2 you are the most tan I think I've ever seen you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the goal here?

Speaker 3 I don't know. I'm just surfing and I just get really like

Speaker 3 brown.

Speaker 2 You're in brown face. Yeah.
I thought you were getting ready for your Kamala Harris impression. Oh, let's hear it.
Yeah, let's do it. I heard that.
Oh, no, no. I don't know.
Yeah, do the impression.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Give me a word. The phrase that you should say is, you think you just fell out of a coconut tree? Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah. That's the one she says all the time.

Speaker 2 I know how to do it. Yeah, I've never, yeah, just try.
Come on. Okay, you're at the Democratic convention, right?

Speaker 3 Can you give me a sample and then I'll follow up?

Speaker 2 She kind of sounds like she's like,

Speaker 2 you just think you fell out of a coconut tree. She almost sounds like she's going to cry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, you just think you fell out of a coconut tree. Let's play that look.
Coconut tree. You think you fell out of a coconut tree? Oh, there we go.
Here we hear.

Speaker 2 Here we hear. Here we hear.

Speaker 3 How are we approaching this issue in a way that we also understand we cannot support and help our young people if we also

Speaker 2 also

Speaker 2 go ahead.

Speaker 3 You think you just fell out of a coconut tree?

Speaker 2 That's pretty good. Dude, that's so good.
That's pretty good. Call Lauren Michaels.
Yeah. Call Lauren Michaels right now.
Call him Smith. Oh, my God, dude.
That was so good, dude. First try.

Speaker 2 Let him know he can make right by the Shane Gillis mistake, hiring an Asian,

Speaker 2 South Asian. That was very good.
You think you just fell out of the coconut tree?

Speaker 2 That's really good. That's so good.

Speaker 2 You're much darker than ever. And then the last photo that

Speaker 2 we saw with the other podcast that I do that you were all ugly. I know, but

Speaker 2 a lot of the comments are like, oh, she's now an adult. Because she's tan? No, there's something about the way.
Because, you know, you have to understand.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know, dude, like in different strokes. Yeah.
You know what I mean? When Willis,

Speaker 2 not Arnold, but when Willis grew up, people were like, oh, Arnold stayed the same. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Arnold didn't really. Yeah, he didn't.
Yeah. He kind of plateaued.
Yeah. But when Willis became right, when you saw him kind of transitioned to the camera.
People watch him grow up

Speaker 2 on the show. So we watched you grow up.
We watched you grow up on the show, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
And it's. She looks the exact same to me.
Yeah. To me, she looks like, you know, a kid.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Our little sister.
Our little sister. You know what I mean? And she's, you know.
Yeah. And this thing didn't grow, oddly enough.
Up here didn't grow. Oh, that never grew.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It kind of stayed the same. Yeah.
Have you learned anything? You've graduated college now. I haven't.
Wait, how many years has it been? Aren't you been there for four years? We're 46.

Speaker 3 I have one, well, two more semesters, and I graduate.

Speaker 2 What is that? A teacher in Mexico is teaching a student's physics using one piece? One piece? What is that? Oh, that's the thing that you love so much. The animated.
The anime.

Speaker 2 Would you like to learn through one piece?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that would be more interesting.

Speaker 2 Did you end up watching that one anime I told you to watch?

Speaker 3 Not yet.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Nothing I suggest she watches.

Speaker 2 Nothing. Well.

Speaker 3 No, it's just when you push, then I don't want to.

Speaker 2 Oh. But I feel like if I don't bring it up, you won't either.
Then yeah, that's true.

Speaker 2 You won't be informed at all.

Speaker 3 You gotta find some way.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'll find some way. I watched The Whale on the Plane.
Great movie. My God.
What whale? It's just the Brennan Fucking

Speaker 2 Whale. I watch a porn called Whale too.
Yeah. Yeah.
Oh, I've seen that. Yeah, yeah.
I think it's just that that was like that, it just bummed me out. Yeah.
It was just tough.

Speaker 2 You had never seen it before. No, you know what's so funny? I started it once and then I was like, yeah.
I just did.

Speaker 2 You know when you start something, you're like, this is going to fucking make me sad the whole flight? What's sad for me is I have a drawer like that.

Speaker 2 You do. Yeah, I have one of those drawers where I go, I know.

Speaker 2 Fried chicken at you. Watching him eat the chicken was the toughest.
That's so tough to watch. Yeah.
Because it's just like...

Speaker 2 The pizza. Oh, yeah.
But that actually looked kind of good. Yeah.
If I'm being honest. And then what's the Ching Chung Ching Chung, the China Asian lady?

Speaker 2 She's so good.

Speaker 2 She's so good in that movie. She's so good in it.
What is her name? Yeah. I just called Ching Chung Chung Chow that lady.
Yeah Hung Chow. Hung Chao.
She's so good, that lady.

Speaker 2 All right, so there's something I want to talk about that I was told not to talk about, but you know me. You got to chat it up.
I got to chat it up because if it doesn't, it turns into a a cancer.

Speaker 2 Chat it up. Chat it up.
It's not a rumor. It's not a rumor thing.
No, it's a fact. It's not a fact.
It's just that.

Speaker 2 So it's a rumor. It's not even a rumor.
It's just a little observation. All right, give it to me.
All right.

Speaker 2 I was in Butte. Butte, Montana.
For three weeks. With Jim Belushi, Leslie Jones.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Tiffany Haddish. No.
No. Eleanor Kurgan.
Eleanor. Tiffany was.
I think that's what Tiffany was there. No.
She's somebody. Little Real.

Speaker 2 No, Lil Rel. That's Tiffany, isn't that the same person? That's the same person.
Okay, sorry. That's Arthur.

Speaker 2 And Whoopee. It's all three.

Speaker 2 Whoopie, Tiffany, and Lil Rel, the same person. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like all the characters Martin played.
Right. So there was this guy named Brick Patrick who a talented actor.

Speaker 2 He was actually in the movie, the movie you did,

Speaker 2 but the second one.

Speaker 2 He was in Now You See Me Too. Yeah, but he was Woody Harrelson's brother in that.
His name is Brick Patrick Brick. Brick Patrick.
Brick Patrick. Patrick.
There it is. Right.
So Brick wrote the movie.

Speaker 2 Great actor. Good looking guy.
Good looking guy. Great guy.
Right. And he goes, he grew up in Butte, and he was like, yeah, dude, you've never had Chinese food.
Like, where I'm about to tell you. Oh.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 back in the 50s, you know, there was a gold rush or whatever, and a Chinese family moved there. And they just never left.
I just feel like a Chinese family got lost. Where are we going? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, what do you mean? Well, the gold rush was in Northern California. Oh, that's right.
And then.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you. I'll tell you what happened.
You're not wrong.

Speaker 2 There was gold in a lot of places. Exactly.
But

Speaker 2 they went too far. But they went east.
Keep on going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no.
But they love east. They love east.
Yeah, so we go east. So they go.
No, go north. That's where the gold is.
Oh, no, east.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And they walked east into the desert. So they end up in Butte Montana.
In Butte, Montana, right? All right. And they go, oh, fuck, we fuck up.

Speaker 2 And you know what I mean? The dad goes, what do you mean? You know, we should have gone north. Yeah.
There's nothing here but white people. Correct.
Yeah, yeah. So let's

Speaker 2 open a Chinese restaurant. Brilliant.
Called Pekkin. Pekin? Yeah, P-K.
Pekkin and Butte. P-E-K-P-E-K-I-N, I think.
Pekkin and Butte, Montana. Yeah.
There it is.

Speaker 2 Pekkin Noodle Parlor. Yeah.
And now, so upstairs, look at upstairs. The third photo.
I mean, see that? It used to be a brothel.

Speaker 2 Whoa. It used to be a brothel, and then they divided it up and they go, let me turn this in the restaurant now.

Speaker 2 I don't know what the logic is behind it, but that's exactly what it looks like. Wow.
They never changed it. So those are those little rooms to have sex in?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but now it's opened, and now there's tables where you can eat.

Speaker 2 I love the Wild West. Yeah, go, yeah, right back in the day.
I love the Wild West. Wouldn't that be nice? And by the way, why don't they make it a brothel and Chinese food? Exactly.

Speaker 2 And opium deny used to be. Oh,

Speaker 2 all three. All five.
Oh, come on. Come on.
It's amazing. It's like the Asian Walmart.

Speaker 2 You can get anything you want that's Asian. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I went there and it's not Chinese food.

Speaker 2 What is it? I have no idea. Was it like spaghetti? It was.

Speaker 2 Okay. There's two.
I have a problem. All right.

Speaker 2 This guy named Jerry that runs it. His parents ran it for many years.
You met the guy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 so I did a comedy show there. At the Chinese.
No, no, no, but next to it is the theater. And he came and he go, I, and I, we were sitting there in the lobby and he, I, he was super skinny.

Speaker 2 And I go, man, do you have, you know what I mean? Kung Fu or something? Yeah, I was was just making fun of him. Right?

Speaker 2 Eat something. Oh, but you won't eat your food, right? Because it's bad.
Right. Whatever.
I kept making fun of him. Bob.
Then he had tears in his eyes. He goes,

Speaker 2 Buddy,

Speaker 2 I have cancer. Oh, my God.
From his food, from the food? No. Oh.

Speaker 2 Terrible.

Speaker 2 Terrible. Stop.

Speaker 2 The MSG from the MSG.

Speaker 2 Wait, he said, I have to do it. Yeah, yeah, he said.
Tears in his eyes. Oh, Bob.
He goes, Buddy, you want me to preach toothbook to you? I go, yeah.

Speaker 2 I have cancer. It came back, and I'm on Medicaid.

Speaker 2 I'm like, oh, fuck. Here we go.
What kind? What? What kind?

Speaker 2 You didn't ask. I didn't ask.
Why wouldn't you ask?

Speaker 2 I don't know what kinds there are. All of so many.
Shoulder blade. Yeah, I could have it.
Yeah, yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Can you get it in the finger? I don't know. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. So anyway.
Poor guy. Yeah, I go, oh, man.
Terrible. So sorry for making fun of you, man.
You know? Yeah, but you know. Good luck to you.

Speaker 2 He knew you were joking. You're a comic.
You're a friend. He didn't.
He had tears in his eyes. oh bob so then i go back to the green room i've seen it like this and brick goes

Speaker 2 what happened bud i tell him what happens he goes oh fuck dude i go what he goes i didn't even know oh man right

Speaker 2 so like half an hour later i go back on the lobby and he the guy has tears in his eyes still crying still crying and he goes i joking

Speaker 2 this guy's great

Speaker 2 i love this guy i this fucking guy jerry i talking Well, that's a good laugh.

Speaker 2 By the way, he does definitely hate house candy. What? No, he has cancer.
That was his way of playing it off. But the food was, it wasn't bad.
It's just not Chinese food.

Speaker 2 He brought me out a bowl of water. There's Jerry right there.
With noodles. Is that Jerry? That was zooming.

Speaker 2 Yep, that's him.

Speaker 2 I talking. Look at Jerry.
There, Jerry. Good guy.
If you're ever in butte,

Speaker 2 put a peck at it. If you're ever in butte.

Speaker 2 You know how often people are rolling through but i'm going look at him that's my guy that's does he not look like he has cancer

Speaker 2 i mean you you doesn't he look like i would buy it maybe

Speaker 2 maybe i would have bought it yeah you would have bought it maybe he walks to work every day that's true maybe he just is staying thin to win it's an it is an interesting play yeah it's an interesting play because now do you feel bad for him No.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But maybe he's telling the truth.
You think, look, there he is. Do you think he's got it?

Speaker 2 He's crying there. He's always crying.
He's telling the guy he has cancer.

Speaker 2 He's telling the reporter, I have a cancer. Look at his face.
I have a historic family-run Chinese restaurant in Montana. Yeah.
Wow. Well, we'll take, we got to go.
We got to go there.

Speaker 2 And, you know, spending three, I'll tell you another thing that happened. Give it to me.
And what would you do? This is, you know, let's do a segment of the show. What would you do? What would you do?

Speaker 2 What would Andrew do? Yeah, probably not through the movie.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I don't get Hollywood shit like you do.
I'm kidding. Your shit.
Oh, Zach Afro. You know, I get the fucking ghetto shit.
I'm just Joshin. I love when you're.

Speaker 2 And then I turn on the TV, you and Steros commercial. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. Like, it's just killing it.
Well, that one I. So, you know, it's like, you know, don't make fun of me, my pal.

Speaker 2 I can't get the shit you get. Shut up.
God. And you have an upcoming show on NBC with a brand new top.

Speaker 2 That's true. That's true.
By the way, the show should be called I Got a Brand New Top. Yeah, I got a brand new top.
Yeah. And you guys work in a clothing store.
Yeah, yeah. I got a brand new top.

Speaker 2 That's funny. Brand new top.
You should be the showrunner. I would love to.

Speaker 2 So, anyway, another thing that happened was I went to an AA meeting. You only went to one? You were there? I went to two.
Two months. I went to two.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And it's at the school, and I walk in. It's like a lot of people with like, you know,

Speaker 2 oxygen masks, you know, tanks. Oh, the tanks.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? And, you know, I'm trying to like, you know, trying to do it.
Trying to be in. Right.

Speaker 2 And then there's also only one Uber in Burbut. So when you get an Uber, you have to wait there for two hours.
It's just one. And then when he shows up, he's like, sorry, dude, I had six other.

Speaker 2 He knows your name, dude. Like, he's seen him before.
Yeah. Yeah.
Sorry, dude. I had like eight other ones.
You know what I mean? Was it Jerry?

Speaker 2 He's cooking. He's got an Uber.
He's got to do it all. Yeah.
So then this couple,

Speaker 2 the nicest couple I've met in a very long time. He goes, yo, man, you need to ride home? Because I know the Ubers are bad around here.
And I go, yeah, man, if you can. You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I get in his car with his wife. And so

Speaker 2 the hotel that I'm staying in,

Speaker 2 the Finland, has a gigantic Finland, you know what I mean,

Speaker 2 Finnish flag or something? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, not Finland. Finland.
You're saying Finland? With no country.

Speaker 2 F-I-N-L-E-N. Finland.
Finland. Yeah.
That's it.

Speaker 2 So that. See that thing? And that's a neon sign.
And it glows. It glows.
I'm in the car and we're going opposite of that sign.

Speaker 2 You can see it. I can see it.
It's the biggest building in you, right? So I'm turning around like this and we're on a freeway going the opposite direction. Uh-oh.
Right.

Speaker 2 So, you know, look me, I'm like, you know, I think of different things. I'm a thinker.
You are. And I'm a survivor.
Yeah. So I'm like, what do I do here? Jump out?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Bail. Yeah.
No, but I did the smart thing. I go, where are we going?

Speaker 2 Well, that's a good start. That's a good start when you're being kidnapped.
Am I right? Where are we going? Where are we going? Yeah. Like a little station.

Speaker 2 I always do that, too. Where do we go? A little, yeah.
A little accent comes out. You have to.
Yeah, like I'm the Asian Oliver Twist.

Speaker 2 More part of the Japanese.

Speaker 2 Right? So, where are we going? Right. And the guy goes, oh, yeah, you're going to our house.
Oh, no. Oh, yes.
No, I want to go home. Yeah, yeah.
I know me too. Me too at this time.
I want to go home.

Speaker 2 Yeah, me too, me too. So also I had an early call.
Yeah, you got to home. I had to get home.
I got to go to work. Right.
So, oh, you go to your house, right? Like, yeah, you come to our house.

Speaker 2 I go, why?

Speaker 2 Uh, you're meeting the family. Oh, no.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Looks so funny.

Speaker 2 It's insane. I walk in, these two gigantic, I don't eat mastiff dogs.

Speaker 2 Bull mastiffs. Yeah, they're

Speaker 2 jumping on top of me, right?

Speaker 2 Right. These three kids come up.
They were sleeping. Oh, you woke them up.
Yeah, these white kids. They're coming out on this.

Speaker 2 And the woman looks at me and goes, Danny gave me a $300 allowance to get school closing in Missoula.

Speaker 2 Very nice. And I wanted to go, oh, yeah?

Speaker 2 I don't give a shit.

Speaker 2 That's me.

Speaker 2 But that's what I wanted to say. I know.
Hey, kid, I'm never going to see you again.

Speaker 2 But I didn't do that. I go, you know, because I'm a good guy.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, really? Missoula? That's beautiful.
Exactly. I must have been there for like an hour now.
What would you do?

Speaker 2 Lee, oh my God. I would have never gone.
No, you're in the car.

Speaker 2 In the car, I would have made myself throw up in the car. I would have stuck my fingers down my throat.
So,

Speaker 2 I threw up all over the car. So they got to pull over.
Yeah, pull over and I'm out and I'm running. By the way, the nicest people I've ever met, I have his number, which I'm just kidding.

Speaker 2 I'm just kidding, but you were thrown up. And made myself thrown up.
100%. Gag myself and get out.
How do you get out?

Speaker 2 What would you do?

Speaker 3 I just scream and say, stop the car.

Speaker 2 I want to. You would scream? No, that.
No. No.
They're going to go, what are you doing? What are you screaming? And they would take you to a hospital. And like seizure.
Oh, do a seizure.

Speaker 2 Right, seizure. I know, no, that's different.
Let me see you do a a fake seizure. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we're driving. I'm in the car.
Hey, go. Hey.
We're both driving. Oh, we're both driving.

Speaker 2 One of those two wheelers. Yeah, yeah.
Those new two-wheelers. Two-do-wheelers.

Speaker 2 My engine's different.

Speaker 2 No, my engine's different than yours. Oh, okay.
Yeah, so mine goes, what'd your shoes go? Mine goes,

Speaker 2 mine goes,

Speaker 2 for sure. Yeah, yeah, it's broken.

Speaker 2 I'll talk about the radiator where the belt, the belt is. Your belt is wrong.

Speaker 2 All right, we're going back to our house. Are you excited? Come back to our house.
Are Are you excited?

Speaker 2 Stop the car. No, we can't do that.
No, we can't do that.

Speaker 2 Stop the car.

Speaker 2 What happened?

Speaker 2 That was insane. That was insane.

Speaker 2 You're not having fucking... You're getting possessed.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 we got to take it to a mental state. Stigmata, dude.
That was stigmata, dude. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I would stop the car and run out. Run.
We'd be running into the desert. I guess she did it right.
Holy shit.

Speaker 2 That helped. Wow, dude.
That worked. That was really good, dude.
Well,

Speaker 2 I hope that never happens. Oh, shit.
I never encountered that. That's the funniest thing I've ever seen.
So you had a fun time.

Speaker 2 I should have done that. You had a fun time in Butte.
I should have done that.

Speaker 2 God.

Speaker 2 Right? Not as good as hers. Hers was really good.
You do a stigmata.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, that's good. Wow.
Juicy, you're grown up. Yeah.
Yeah, you're all grown up.

Speaker 2 But the movie was fun to do. The movie's going to be good.
I heard Little McConney Boney says you're very excited about it.

Speaker 2 I'm excited because, you know, Jim Belushi, like, I never thought I'd ever meet him. He's the man.
And just one of the nicest guys. Just what a great, generous guy.
He seems like a cool dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 How was throwing. Let's go to you, Chicago.

Speaker 2 This is the ball. Yeah.
I threw the first pitch. If anyone knows, he went to the Cubs game.
Yeah, and I sang the seventh inning stretch with and

Speaker 2 throwing out the first pitch. So this is a big deal as a kid from Chicago.
Throwing out the first pitch is fine. They let like local insurance agents do that.

Speaker 2 But to sing the stretch, that's a big deal.

Speaker 2 Was there a pop when they said your name? Yeah, it was actually kind of fun. Yeah.
They go, Andrew Santino. And you can hear Prick.
Well, you can see it. They'll play.

Speaker 2 He's doing my credits.

Speaker 2 Stop, push, pause. Didn't hear bad friends at all.
He definitely says bad friends. He 100% says it.
Listen.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah, it was pretty cool.
Is that your wife screaming? No, it's a ton of people around. I mean, there's 30 of us.
Bam.

Speaker 2 Yes. Wow, that was so good, dude.

Speaker 2 And I had to give Clark a big hug.

Speaker 2 Wrap my legs around the boy.

Speaker 2 So fun.

Speaker 2 I'm so proud of of you. But the coolest thing was this: getting up in the booth and singing.

Speaker 2 Singing was the best part by far. Well, let me see you saying.

Speaker 2 How exciting!

Speaker 2 and cracker dance.

Speaker 2 I don't care if I am.

Speaker 2 This is my favorite.

Speaker 2 For the cubbies. I love it.
It's great. Anyway.
What a dream. It was, actually.
What a star. It actually was one of the coolest moments of my life.

Speaker 2 I even said, I was off a couple of drinks, and I turned to my mom and my wife, and I said,

Speaker 2 I can die now.

Speaker 2 And they got a little upset, but I really did mean mean it. That was it.
I did it. I'm done.
That's it. This is it.
That's it. I know, man.
Doing that.

Speaker 2 That's the death. That's it.
You've done everything. I did it all.

Speaker 2 Popular podcast. Bingo.

Speaker 2 It's a very small, but

Speaker 2 supple television career. Very good.
Couple of films. Very good.
Stand-up, not bad. Pretty good.
Sing in the seventh inning stretch. Yeah.
Check all the boxes. You did it.
Bury me, baby.

Speaker 2 I think you did it. Please.

Speaker 2 I need you to to be around for a long time. I'm going to stick around.
For years. Yeah, that's fine.
Until we do something. And then die.
Yep, I will. You'll die, and then I'll disappear.

Speaker 2 So it was a big moment in my life. This

Speaker 2 is one of those things for me that was huge. And

Speaker 2 also,

Speaker 2 we had a family member that passed away. Oh, no, who? Not during this.
Oh, thank you. I mean,

Speaker 2 and some of his ashes got spread on the field, which is also, boom, nice little tip of the hat because he grew up around the corner from it. I thought that was kind of nice.
We spread his ashes.

Speaker 2 Well, we did. I didn't.
Someone did.

Speaker 2 You don't do that?

Speaker 2 Have you never spread ashes somewhere sacred?

Speaker 2 That just sounds

Speaker 2 insane. How's that crazy?

Speaker 2 I'm watching a game. All of a sudden, there's a powder in my face.

Speaker 2 Well, no one's near you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 A little powder on my face. It gets done.
It gets done.

Speaker 2 Oh, Andrew's uncle.

Speaker 2 Real sly. Real like the

Speaker 2 real quick. Real low.

Speaker 2 No. Is there a smell?

Speaker 2 There's some right there. Look.
Whose ashes? Luke's mom. Someone on tour gave us this.
What? Yeah, a fan's mom. Right, a fan gave us some of his mom.

Speaker 2 So weird. Yeah, he hangs with McConnell back here now.
Is that really that weird? That's some of his mom. He wanted some of his mom to be with us.

Speaker 2 McConnell, I'll give you $1,000. I'm not kidding you.
If you snort that whole thing. I'll do it.
No. No.
No. No.
You will do it. You're sober.
Yeah, you'll do it. You can see bone chunks.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 You can see bone chunks.

Speaker 2 Imagine giving him an important job. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Like anything of any importance.

Speaker 2 I mean, if you think of like Castaway, right, in the movie, Tom Hanks is out there on this island for years, right? Yes. You ever see that movie? No.
She has no idea what it is.

Speaker 2 Wait, do you know what it's about? No.

Speaker 2 Okay, we can tell you. Castaway with Tom

Speaker 2 Hanks.

Speaker 2 So Castaway is this, okay?

Speaker 2 He's best friends with a volleyball. What?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 but don't laugh. That's not funny.
That's not funny. He grew up.

Speaker 2 He's a little slow. Chime.
You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 2 I was terrible at banking. I was abused.
So bad. Get overdraft charges.
Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money. I didn't know how to manage it.
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Speaker 2 Hydro. I got it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

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You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today.

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Speaker 2 remember forrest gum yeah he's playing the same kind of thing it's like a sequel to forrest gum yeah yeah so what ends up happening is he gets he gets in he gets hiv

Speaker 2 and they banish him to this island they banish him to the island But they go, you can bring one person, your friend. Your friend.
This is kind of in the post-future. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 And he goes, well, I want to bring this volleyball. And they're like, dude, you can pick a human.
And he's like, that is a human. Yeah, that is a human.
So he gets HIV. They banish him to this island.

Speaker 2 And see, that blood on the thing? It's some of his HIV blood

Speaker 2 on the thing. So that Wilson has

Speaker 2 HIV as well. Right.
They want to be the same. What's so funny? It's not funny.

Speaker 2 And then what ends up happening is on the island, he makes a wish one night to grow old. Grow older.

Speaker 2 He does it on like, you know, this is Oltar, is like a little animal that lives on the beach. And so then he starts to grow old.
But then what happens is, like, in, you remember in Benjamin Button?

Speaker 2 Yeah. He goes the other way.
He goes backwards. But since Wilson is a volleyball, he doesn't go backwards.
He just gets.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Stop, stop. I know, I know.
Stop, stop, stop. First, first of all,

Speaker 2 hitting on her, all this stuff

Speaker 2 today. Your thinnest of ice.
Thinnest of ice. Right.
Says he wants to snort the mom's ashes. Well, you were saying.
You totally. Don't tote to me, bro.
You don't totally miss me. You don't tote to me.

Speaker 2 I'm offering my services. No, what I'm saying is when we're doing a bit, you know what I mean? And you know what the bit is, right? And you're cackling like a fucking hyena, right?

Speaker 2 How's that going to work? You too, McCone. I was holding it together.
You know?

Speaker 3 Wait, what's the end of Castaway?

Speaker 2 Oh, the end of the movie is amazing. Well, so that's, see, though.
So his friend Andy

Speaker 2 comes to rescue him. His friend Andy

Speaker 2 comes to rescue him.

Speaker 2 And there was a rift between

Speaker 2 him and his old boss, Buzz. And when Andy comes to him.
Oh, there was also a rift in the

Speaker 2 time continuum. Space-time continuum.
Space time continuum. Time continuum, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he goes back home and his wife has already fallen in love with someone else. Helen Hunt.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Now, let me ask you something. Great movie.
In that scene,

Speaker 2 when they find him and he comes back and Helen Hunt is remarried. Yeah, got a family, right? Didn't you? Right.
But then doesn't she try to fuck him after that? No. No, it's over.

Speaker 2 She doesn't chase after. They have a moment.
They have a moment where they kiss, right? No, they don't kiss.

Speaker 2 I think they do. They kiss.
Well, it's her ex-husband.

Speaker 2 I think they fuck one time. No, they don't.

Speaker 2 No, they don't. Really? No, they don't.

Speaker 2 Okay. But I will say they have a moment, then he leaves and then jumps in front of a train.
And he dies, yeah. Yeah, he jumps in front of a train.

Speaker 2 yeah it's a bad ending here's another movie by the way it was a local train dude it wasn't even an express like a local it stopped a lot yeah which i think was nuts yeah that's sad it's super you gotta watch it it won't 15 academy awards okay it's yeah you know we talked about this the other day tom hanks has never been except for the elvis movie he's never been a bad guy in anything he's ever done in any movie he's ever done he's always been the hero in a night no what about the one catch me if you can he's not a bad guy at all he's chasing leo he's chasing a criminal oh he's the bad guy yeah okay Okay, that's right.

Speaker 2 I mean, I do agree with you. Yeah, Leo's the bad guy.
Leo is not the bad guy, but he is the bad guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's interesting.

Speaker 2 You can't name any movie he's done where he's the bad guy. A memorable movie.
A good, memorable movie. Oh, no, don't.
Well, go to any of them then. Go to his top hits.

Speaker 2 Don't go scroll through everything, but go to the top hits.

Speaker 2 But before you do, let me think, though.

Speaker 2 Okay, Saving Private Ryan, good guy. Philadelphia.
Yeah. Big.

Speaker 2 Great guy. Mr.
Rogers. Oh, yeah, of course.
Lady Killers. Lady Killers.
Lady Killers. Yeah.
He's a bad guy. No, he's not.
They're killing ladies. Yeah.
They deserve to be killed. What murder?

Speaker 2 Go to the movies. Seriously, go to the movies.
Castaway Philadelphia, Big Forrest Gump.

Speaker 2 I mean, go down. You can see all the things he's done.
It's just all the toy stories, Charlie Wilson's War, the Da Vinci Code, Polar Express, the Terminal.

Speaker 2 I mean, just look at that fucking career. Road to Perdition.
That career. Green Mile.
He's a hero or a good guy in everything. He's that thing you do.

Speaker 2 Apollo 13. What a great.
Have you seen Apollo 13? A League of Their Own.

Speaker 2 Watch Apollo 12 first.

Speaker 2 Watch all the Apollos before that, but 13 is the best one. You can start at like four.
Start at Apollo 12. Let's start with four, yeah.

Speaker 2 By the way, we have to play this trailer real fast because we were going through movies to what to watch back home with my mom. And

Speaker 2 I wanted to watch Mr. Baseball with Tom Selick.
Do you remember Mr. Baseball? Yes, sir.
Oh, my God. This is one of the best.
So good, so good. Watch how fun this trailer is.

Speaker 2 Tom Selick is Mr. Baseball.
Look at how these two do trailers, by the way.

Speaker 2 Okay, this is phenomenal.

Speaker 2 Elliot's really struggling up there, Ralph. I know I haven't exactly been raking the ball lately.

Speaker 2 Well, there's some Japanese people in this.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah. No, say it's not Cleveland, but the smart money says he's east.
We got a call from a manager in

Speaker 2 far East. There's no way I'm gonna play in Japan.
What's gonna Japan, Mr. Baseball? What do you think of our country?

Speaker 2 The airport's nice, and there's lots of little people walking and talking very fast. Have you slept with Madonna?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Practice. We're not athletes.

Speaker 2 We're baseball players.

Speaker 2 This is your manager. You're gonna have the way.
Must-shape mustache.

Speaker 5 Probably can't even grow one.

Speaker 2 He's learning their ways. What's next?

Speaker 5 Somebody gonna tell me how to go to the can?

Speaker 5 Hey, Max, I need somebody to tell me how to go to the can.

Speaker 2 They'll warm-up after a season or two. Well, I don't plan to be here that long.

Speaker 2 They're learning his ways.

Speaker 3 Cat Sway, always making jokes.

Speaker 2 You're the hokey-pokey! I've turned it off around.

Speaker 5 Baseball is a game.

Speaker 2 Games are supposed to be fun.

Speaker 2 No offense.

Speaker 3 I don't eat bait. We have business to discuss.

Speaker 2 Really, not much of a bath guy.

Speaker 2 In any language, it's a whole new ballgame.

Speaker 2 Speech, coach.

Speaker 2 Dude.

Speaker 2 I want to remake this movie so bad.

Speaker 2 Give me a little kamikaze. He falls in love with the manager's daughter.

Speaker 2 This is a great movie. It's so great.
Explain to me why.

Speaker 2 Because it's a fish out of water.

Speaker 2 I know. And I mean that from a sushi reference.
It's a fish out of water.

Speaker 2 Can you go anywhere else? No, it's got to be Japan.

Speaker 2 It's so funny in Japan. Like, can you go to like Bosnia?

Speaker 2 Okay, we can try Bosnia. Let's try Bosnia.
War-torn Bosnia. Is that where we're going? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow. It's such a good movie.
It's such a funny

Speaker 2 because it's filled with racist stuff. I know.
I know. It's hilarious.

Speaker 2 I get PTSD. I don't know why.
When I hear it.

Speaker 2 When I hear that,

Speaker 2 for some reason, how do you feel about that?

Speaker 2 How do you feel about that? It's very racist. Yeah, yeah.
But how do you feel?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you have a seizure?

Speaker 2 It hits us in a way. For her, it's like.

Speaker 2 That almost, wow. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's see if you have a seizure when that music comes on.

Speaker 2 dun dun dun dun dun. Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun.
See, it didn't. You're fine.
Or a gong. Yeah, the gong.
I've never seen a gong. It's ever.

Speaker 2 Well, we got one right here, don't we? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I know. It's crazy.
That's why. It's like you could only have made this then.
Then. You could not make this today.
But it would be funny as shit today.

Speaker 2 No, what you do is you get a bunch of just Asians and just show this movie. I would love to see the reaction.
Oh, yeah, react. That'd be fun.
That's very funny. That's fun.

Speaker 2 What are you scrolling through, sweetheart? Oh, just some like...

Speaker 2 Well, well go to mickey rooney have you seen mickey rooney pay asia oh so there was a white guy named mickey rooney so good you're gonna love this before still alive yeah yeah

Speaker 2 that's a white guy that's a white guy with like prosthetic yeah yeah he's like oh no

Speaker 2 is there any video or no what some of his work

Speaker 2 And this was completely accepted in America. Promoted.
Promoted. We loved it.

Speaker 2 They loved it. This is the good oh.
This is what Trump is talking about. This is what he's talking about.
Make America Chinese.

Speaker 2 This is real, Dad.

Speaker 2 No, don't laugh. Don't laugh.
Try not to laugh.

Speaker 2 To be fair, this is how you wake up. Yeah.

Speaker 2 What happened to you? That's the funniest thing you've ever said.

Speaker 2 That's the funniest thing you've ever said.

Speaker 2 All right, that's it.

Speaker 2 I want to see him to talk to these people.

Speaker 2 Audrey Hepper,

Speaker 2 you can't

Speaker 2 wanna keep ringing my bill. You're disturbing me.
You must have a key me.

Speaker 4 But it won't do any good. I just lose them all.

Speaker 2 Time, that's it.

Speaker 2 He really does look Asian. He looks it doesn't sound the voice he is a practice.
Perfect.

Speaker 2 Sounds perfect. The sound is? Look at that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 How do you feel about that? Scary. Scary.
Yeah, it is really scary.

Speaker 3 But he looks

Speaker 2 like your uncle. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Hair and makeup did a great job.

Speaker 2 You know what? Did he get an Oscar for hair and makeup should have got an Oscar for? 100%. I wish.
Yeah, yeah. Breakfast at Discord Yushinoi's.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then John Wayne, we've seen that, right? Oh, yeah. I think we've shown this.
Have we seen this?

Speaker 2 I think we did.

Speaker 2 She's never seen it. I know.
And she needs to know what it was like. You got to know.
Yeah. All right.
Tell me what's going going on with Gen Z. Yeah, we want to know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we want to know what's up on the streets for Gen Z.

Speaker 3 Gen Z?

Speaker 2 What was the segment? Spill the tea. Spill the tea with Rudy.

Speaker 3 The tea?

Speaker 3 There's no tea, but I have a story.

Speaker 2 God bless.

Speaker 3 I went to Hermosa Beach to party.

Speaker 2 Wow. With who?

Speaker 3 With like my friends. And they said that they were going to be cute guys.

Speaker 3 And all I saw when I went there was old white guys with cowboy hats yeah you went to hermosa beach yeah and i got and i got sick from it whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa tell me tell me what's something in your drink no i don't know but i was sharing sharing drinks and i got like i'm i have a cold

Speaker 2 now you do yeah i'm i'm i'm okay it's been a week it's been a week thanks for coming to the show it's been a week wait a minute don't share drinks Don't share drinks and don't take drinks from other people.

Speaker 3 No, just friends.

Speaker 2 I don't trust your friends either. Yeah, friends.
I know, but whenever you do.

Speaker 2 When you see old, are you talking 30-year-olds?

Speaker 3 Like 40 and up.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 3 And they were trying to like dance

Speaker 2 on you.

Speaker 3 It was so weird. It was so weird.

Speaker 2 They all had cowboy hats on.

Speaker 3 It was so weird. And the girls were like, oh, there's going to be cute guys.

Speaker 2 But they paid for the drinks. That's why people want, that's why you went.
No. Where did you guys go? A bar?

Speaker 3 Yeah, a bar. Sharkies.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Sharkies and Hermosa Beast. That's insane.
Yeah. Wow, how gross.
You got to get new friends, I think.

Speaker 3 That's what I think Kalila said.

Speaker 2 Did anybody recognize you? At school. No, at aware.

Speaker 3 Like at work, like this random guy just came in the office and was shouting, are you from Brad Friends?

Speaker 2 Yeah, from Brad Friends. Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 Was that Mickey Rooney?

Speaker 2 Wait, so at the, I want to know, though, at Sharkies, when you go to Sharkies,

Speaker 2 it's your girlfriends and four old white guys in cowboy hats?

Speaker 3 No, it was just the crowd was older.

Speaker 2 It's why don't you believe you just leave? Why don't you just leave?

Speaker 3 I don't know because they don't know anywhere else. I thought we were going to LA.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 you need a completely new group of friends. You got to switch.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 They're the party girls, so I thought, oh, they know.

Speaker 2 They're not party girls. Obviously, their partying is bad.
Yeah, they're bad. They don't know how to do it.
This is bad partying. And it smelled like piss.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 3 The music was so bad. I just, and I was

Speaker 2 like,

Speaker 3 I don't know. Like, Budots, like,

Speaker 3 what's Budot's like Filipino disco song.

Speaker 2 Budot?

Speaker 2 Yeah, never heard that before in my life. I actually know that song.

Speaker 3 It's a Filipino disco.

Speaker 2 It's a Filipino disco song.

Speaker 2 No, you don't know.

Speaker 2 You're honestly, you know, you know, Budot. Yeah.

Speaker 3 What's

Speaker 3 popular on TikTok, right?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2 I believe you.

Speaker 2 I believe you oh yeah yeah I believe you're emergency

Speaker 2 well it's got to be nurse oriented if it's Filipinos

Speaker 2 come on good. Thank you.
I like it.

Speaker 3 But yeah, that's what happens.

Speaker 2 That's what happened. But I thought you had if you're cruising for dicks, I thought you had a boyfriend.

Speaker 3 I'm not cruising for dicks.

Speaker 2 I'm just like why would you care?

Speaker 3 I like to look.

Speaker 2 Oh, you want to look. Window shopping.
Window shopping.

Speaker 3 It's always fun when there's there's cute guys.

Speaker 2 I see. It is always fun when there's cute guys.
I want to have a party that you would have loved. Where?

Speaker 2 Malibu.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Little Malibuian over here. I have a friend that had a little party in Malibu at her house.
Yeah. And they're all 20-somethings.
You should have invited her. Men and women.
And you.

Speaker 2 And what?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you this. I'll tell you, hey, guy.
No, no, I.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 spit spit it

Speaker 2 out. I can handle it.

Speaker 2 I was gonna say

Speaker 2 range.

Speaker 2 He's saying, and then there was you.

Speaker 2 Somebody walked in the living room. They're like, did somebody order Chinese food? Are you dropping off or picking up? That's strange.

Speaker 2 Interesting. But the party was nice.

Speaker 2 It's interesting that you would say that because that's exactly the demographic of people that like our show. That's right.

Speaker 2 And so I have to say that they were big fans. Big fans.
And they even knew who you were, my friend. Okay.

Speaker 3 Oh, so you were vibing with

Speaker 2 the guy's King Viber. I'm the master vibe.

Speaker 2 In any situation, I'll go to a library. I vibe.
He vibes everywhere. Yeah, I can go to a fucking Pet Boys.
Vibing. I'm vibing, dog.
You know what I mean? I can be in Mazatlan.

Speaker 2 Vibing hard. Hard.
Hard vibing. Hard vibe.
Where else can you be, you think? With me? Yeah. The point of...
No return. No return.
Yeah, you're vibing out there.

Speaker 2 When I'm at the point of no return, king vibe, dude. King vibe.
Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? When I'm

Speaker 2 cruising. Oh, you're cruising.
You're vibing, dude.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? My the cruises I go on. Hard vibe.
Fuck yeah. But then I went to the

Speaker 2 chili cook-off in Malibu with the gang.

Speaker 2 Have you been there? No. You know what it is? I do.
Have you been to the chili cook-off? You guys know?

Speaker 2 What is it? It's a chili cook-off in Malibu. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 There's shirts that Advator Nation about it. I know, but do you know what it is? It's a fair.
Okay, well, there's rides. I don't go to fairs, dude.
It's rides. That's right.

Speaker 2 And they have those rides, like the zipper. Yeah, I like the zipper.
Remember the zipper? Yeah, it goes this way and that. It's like a...
Yeah, yeah. It's so scary.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then now, you know, back in my day, they had the thing where it looked like a saucer. You go in and

Speaker 2 you get stuck to the wall. Right, I like that.
You like that? I love those. But check it out.

Speaker 2 The new generation improved it. They walk in the middle, don't they? No.

Speaker 2 Wait, would they do that? I've seen guys walk in the middle of those things. Oh, I've seen the, yeah, black kids love to do that.
First of all, it's called the Graviton. Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 It's called the Gravitron. Yeah, yeah.
Gravitron. And now what it does, it tilts.
Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Before, back in my day, it never tilted. No, now it goes sideways.

Speaker 2 It goes sideways and back, right? So, yeah, anyway. There it is.
Gravitron. Gravitron.
Love this thing.

Speaker 2 You'll always see there's a guy who's bold enough to get in the middle. Yeah, there's always a nerd.
Fuck around. Yeah.
What's going on here? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just like younger people know our podcast. Yeah, I think I know.
I mean, no, it was, I'm talking middle school. Why were middle school people there? I don't know, but it was like.

Speaker 3 My boss's son knows about us.

Speaker 2 And how old is your boss's son? Middle school. That's what I'm saying.
I had kids come up and go, can we get a Mr.

Speaker 2 Hey, Mister? Well,

Speaker 2 if we have this kind of influence for middle school, excuse me, me, mister. I go, yes, son.
May I get a photo with you, mister?

Speaker 2 Sure. We're your parents.
Fuck them. Oh, wow.
I go, whoa. A rebel.
Fuck YouTube, mister. Wow.
I go just take the photo quick before I, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And that, you know, it's shocking to me that, you know, it's like, I know. It's a good thing.
It's good. Play to the youth.
Play to the youth. But how are they listening? YouTube?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we're on YouTube. Okay, that's good.
Yeah, we're on YouTube and we're on Spotify and Apple Music and we're everywhere you can get podcasts. That's really good.
That's really good. So

Speaker 2 Dean's what?

Speaker 2 What? Son? Whose son?

Speaker 3 My manager's son.

Speaker 2 At work.

Speaker 3 Yeah, at work, she said, like, oh, my son listens to your podcast.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. And what'd you say?

Speaker 3 I'm like, oh, like, how old is he? And then she said, like,

Speaker 3 12 or 13.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's strange.

Speaker 3 And it's like, oh, is he?

Speaker 2 Like, I don't know. Is he Asian? No.
You want to ask him, is he Asian? No, I don't. Well, yeah.
That's a valid.

Speaker 2 Is your manager Asian? Latina. Latina, okay.
That would be a weird question to ask then.

Speaker 2 The first one was like, is he Latina? No. That's health care.
Yeah, first. And then Asian, maybe next.

Speaker 2 Anyway. God, you know, it must be so nice to not wear sunscreen.
I think whenever I, I just, it's unbelievable. Yeah.
It's my whole life.

Speaker 3 You look red right now.

Speaker 2 I know. I was out in the sun.
I spent $600,000 last year on

Speaker 2 sunscreen. $600,000.
Yeah, $600,000. $600,000.
SPF $100. What's that there? What is this? Some really cool new commercial that just came out.
Oh, it's a brand new commercial out? Yeah. Let's see it.

Speaker 2 Wait, I feel like

Speaker 2 it's

Speaker 3 a 9x.

Speaker 2 Wow, nine shades lighter. That's what it means.
That's awesome. We should get you some of that, rude.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 I tried whitening.

Speaker 2 You need 12x, I think. It doesn't work.

Speaker 2 Kids on fire today.

Speaker 2 So, you tried what?

Speaker 3 I tried it and it doesn't work.

Speaker 2 Wait, you've tried that? 9x?

Speaker 3 No, not that. Another product.

Speaker 2 A whitening cream?

Speaker 3 Yeah, like I bought a whole set of scrubbing and like the whitening soap and then the liquid thing.

Speaker 2 This is terrible. It's so terrible, dude.
You have to be proud of who you are. You gotta be proud of who you are.

Speaker 3 No, I used to do it in the Philippines because everyone was using it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, look at that guy. Look at that guy.
White fade. Yeah.
Get yourself a white fade.

Speaker 2 We have a white lady here. She doesn't even notice how good she has it.
Yeah. Tell me.
Yeah, she just walks in and gets shit. These white broads.
Yeah, yeah. They get whatever they want.

Speaker 2 They get whatever they want.

Speaker 2 Wow. So what? 9x.
What do you think of that, though, of people that are brown wanting to be white?

Speaker 2 I get it in certain, like in India, it's a huge thing, right? Yeah. It's a sign of class

Speaker 2 and prestige or whatever. But why is that in the mentality of human beings? Wow, this is a...
Are we having a real conversation about it?

Speaker 2 Colonizers. Yeah, it's colonization.
Colonizers. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Wow. White.
White.

Speaker 2 Not me. Not you.
No,

Speaker 2 you're on a clan. I'm one of the good ones.
Yeah, yeah. I got through.
I was at the cookout.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't, like, I think it's mind-boggling that this is a, this is like a promoted, this product probably, I bet you they make a ton of money.
People use the shit out of it.

Speaker 2 What did you use when you were in the Philippines then?

Speaker 3 Gluta.

Speaker 2 I forgot the product. Gluten-free? What?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Something gluta.

Speaker 2 That is how you turn into a white person. You want to be gluten-free?

Speaker 3 It's like an orange soap.

Speaker 2 Was it expensive? Yeah. Gluta, orange soap.
Put that in.

Speaker 2 Gluta orange soap. And then you would rub it on your skin every day.

Speaker 3 Yeah, every day.

Speaker 2 It worked for other people. You saw, like, oh, Sabrina.

Speaker 3 Like, my friends, they were so

Speaker 3 that one. The brightening lemon.

Speaker 2 Brightening lemon.

Speaker 3 That one. Kojic.
Yeah. That one.

Speaker 2 Kojic soap. Yeah.
Both. How much is it?

Speaker 2 50 bucks?

Speaker 2 Watch. Sugarbaby.co.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You think that would make me disappear?

Speaker 2 Suicide. Give me order song? Yeah, let's order that.
Look at order song. What are we going to do with it? I'm going to use it on one hand.

Speaker 2 You're pretty light, dude. Yeah.
Oh, you think so? You're very light. I'm very light.
Okay.

Speaker 2 First, I think I'm pretty light. You're very light.
I was thinking about that the other day. Well, I'm very light, kind of uppity.

Speaker 2 You don't even look yellow. You just look white.
Thank you. And that's the best compliment you're ever going to do.
Well, maybe this will help. Yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Brightening lemon turmeric and kojic acid soap. But let's say you, let's suppose, like, let's say you, there was a time machine.
Yeah. And you went to 16th century China.
No, thanks.

Speaker 2 I know, but this is a scenario. Oh, okay, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I know where I'm at when I'm. Okay, so you're in 16th century China.
You have, you're confused, right? And there's peasants and that.

Speaker 2 But if you ran into me, be real, would you think I was a part of like the, you know what I mean, the empire, like, you know what I mean, royal, or would you think I was an immigrant? Well, based on.

Speaker 2 Or like a peasant, I mean. Based on your weight, I would think you're a superior.

Speaker 2 Well, because they do say if you were a little chunky, that means you ate well and you had money.

Speaker 2 That's not a comp. That's not.

Speaker 2 That's not an insult. No, no, I like it.
Right. Like, I would be seen as

Speaker 2 a poor peasant because I'm thin and in shape. They'd go, this is a poor peasant worker boy.
Oh, I see. But you're rotund.
And they'd go, this guy eats well. He is royalty.

Speaker 2 He is clearly of some sort of hierarchy class. Carlos, peasant boy.
Yeah. Peasant boy.
I'd probably sound, I'd probably go, had all. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I'm eating like bread. No, a plum.
A plum. You always have a plum.
Had all.

Speaker 2 Little plum boy. That's what they call it.
Would you like to see my

Speaker 2 concubines?

Speaker 2 Yeah. My collection of concubines.
Yes, I would love to see them. My little plum boy.
What about her if we ran into her?

Speaker 2 Yes, royal. Witch.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah. I like that.

Speaker 2 Clear witch. Yeah, clear witch.

Speaker 2 What are those photos? Oh, just looking up. Okay, look at that one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, push it. Zoom it up.
This is a rich rich guy in ancient China. Dude, that's me.
There you are. At all.
Look at this. Just a little bit more beard hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But that's genuinely you. That's genuinely me.
I'd wear that hat and everything. Oh, my God.
Look right there at the writing. It says Bobby Lee in the writing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's beautiful.
Wow, that's beautiful. If you could take a time machine, when would you go back to?

Speaker 2 Oh, that's interesting. And I look like me? You're Bobby Lee right now.
Oh, so Bobby Lee time machine. And no one would know you in this past.
I mean, this is, you're not.

Speaker 2 I would not get in that time machine. There isn't an era that I want to go to.

Speaker 2 This is the best my people have ever had in the world. But I think you specifically would thrive.
In what? In like the late 60s, early 70s. In America.
The Cultural Revolution.

Speaker 2 I'd be in San Francisco. That's what I mean.
Yeah, yeah. I think you'd be like.
I would just stand up. Well, you'd be a musician.
No, I see. I think you'd be a musician.

Speaker 2 You'd be a super popular musician. All right.
Making like funk and fucking like intergalactic. You want to to have a good time baby every day yes right

Speaker 2 see everybody peace yes whoa dude i think you would be an intergalactic electronic intergalactic love

Speaker 2 going down every day here's kind of a very that's me dude this is it that's me dude every day

Speaker 2 interlacalactic love right that's me dude johnny pandora that's me dude intergalactic that guy gets no pussy dude what do you mean after that show i think he goes on on Malone Pelojo.

Speaker 2 You don't think he gets

Speaker 2 pussy? 100%. I think he gets pussy.
100%. Okay, look at the hair.
That's now, though. But in the 60s, I don't know how that would play.
You would have crushed. Okay, good.
Late 60s, early 70s.

Speaker 2 I'm telling you. Really? The Cultural Revolution, the hippie revolution in Northern California, you would have been it, man.
You'd have been.

Speaker 2 But why can't I just do shows with Lenny Bruce and do stand-up? It wouldn't have worked.

Speaker 2 Why?

Speaker 2 I just don't know if.

Speaker 2 I just don't think referentially it would work. My style.
Yeah. Your style's too

Speaker 2 wild. Too wild.
Okay. Like Lenny was like a beat poet.
Yeah. You have to be a musician to let your freak flag fly.

Speaker 2 Oh, here. Let's go.
You're in a jazz club. Let's hear some.
Let's hear some comedic poetry.

Speaker 2 Boom. Mind.

Speaker 2 I've never.

Speaker 2 Come down to the street.

Speaker 2 Meet my parents, my cat, dog.

Speaker 2 Liverpool.

Speaker 2 Sensual

Speaker 2 sightings. See? It wouldn't work.

Speaker 2 Just doesn't work.

Speaker 2 I literally didn't know. I don't even know what they sound like.
That was it. So I was like trying to commit, but I didn't know what the fuck.

Speaker 2 I said Liverpool.

Speaker 2 What else did I say? Come down to the street.

Speaker 2 Come down to the street.

Speaker 2 Be my parents. How about you? You do it.
No.

Speaker 2 Corporate white man

Speaker 2 killing us

Speaker 2 with their rules.

Speaker 2 That's what. That's that.
That's a good point.

Speaker 2 And the shoes.

Speaker 2 Cut your hair. I don't care.
Yeah, you can. Where

Speaker 2 do I need to be?

Speaker 2 Where I am.

Speaker 2 like that very good see i would have been in that that just sounds like the worst would you you and i we'd get eaten alive we wouldn't even go to that show it would have killed us we would be like boring yeah it would have been bad show us your dick

Speaker 2 you think you'd show your butthole in the in the set oh imagine what would happen you get arrested like with lenny yeah you and lenny he's like what are you in for man saying your truth no i showed my butthole to the audience

Speaker 2 what do you think you would like it or no nah you wouldn't like it no wow he'd be like hey man i met this hack in prison

Speaker 2 i know i'd be a hack i was showing your butthole back then when he's doing his thing but no asian's ever done that before well i guess that's breaking the mold yeah yeah maybe you would be king shit back then yeah

Speaker 2 because they were like you can't believe this kid's wild man he has his butthole inside of his butthole inside he's asian whoa

Speaker 2 sideways

Speaker 2 yeah wow everybody turns their head when they see your butthole

Speaker 2 do you know anything about the beatnik era? Nope. Yeah.
And you don't know any of the meatnicks. You didn't know who Bob Dylan was.
Last week we said Bob Dylan.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't know who Bob Dylan was, yeah. It blew my mind.
It blows my mind. It doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter. You know, it's all going to go away.
It's all going to go away. I'm almost 53.

Speaker 2 You're going to be 53 soon, kiddo. What do you want for your birthday, speaking of which? Well, remember what I got you? Yeah, I do.
I got you a bunch of shit.

Speaker 2 You got me a watch case and you got me a range finder.

Speaker 2 Very nice. Well, you didn't.
I mean, your assistant did. I got it for you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So, you know, I wrote all that, how much that is.

Speaker 2 No, I have. Okay.
So I just want ballpark. Whatever that is, you get me.

Speaker 2 How much did you spend?

Speaker 2 Grand. You spent $1,000? Yeah.
So whatever that ballpark, you get me whatever.

Speaker 2 If it's like $1,000

Speaker 2 worth of Kit Kats, get me Kit Kats. But I want all of it.
I got to be honest with you. I've already gotten you your gift.

Speaker 2 Is it $1,000?

Speaker 2 It's a gift card to Panda Express for $1,000. That's great.

Speaker 2 You're going to be going a lot. I'm good.
I love it.

Speaker 2 Is that okay? Yeah, because I love their kung pow chicken. It is pretty good.
Pretty good. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know my favorite thing to do, by the way, lately? Should I have a party? For your birthday? A dinner. No, you got to have a dinner.

Speaker 2 Okay, should I have a dinner? Yeah, we got to have a big dinner. You know what we should do? What? Have a party.
Well, I was going to say have a party here, but that's probably a bad idea.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think 53 is a milestone. I think when I do my 60, I'll do a big one.
Buddy, you're not.

Speaker 2 You're not going to make it 60? No, yes, you will. No, 53 is a...
53 is big, man. Okay.
It's an angel number. 53 is the smallest prime number that does not divide in the order of any sporadic group.

Speaker 2 Oh, here's what I want to talk to you about. This is what I want to talk about.
You got me in a

Speaker 2 conundrum. Well, it sounds like it.

Speaker 2 You got me in one. Go ahead.
It's the pressure of doing a special now. Yeah, he texted me this guy.

Speaker 2 He texts me and he says, I don't like this pressure. I said, what pressure are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I said, don't push. Let it go.
You know, let it happen on its own. Well, they came to this club.
Yeah. They didn't come to the club.
They came and they're like, we need to sit down with you.

Speaker 2 What do we need to talk about? Like, where it's going to be, what we expect it to look like. You know what I mean? This and that.
It's just, it just like,

Speaker 2 it just made it so fucking real. There is no pressure.
Okay. It's also not for a holy calendar year.
Okay, that's right. And you know what? What? You're prepared.
I'm ready. You're ready? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You deserve it. I deserve it.
People deserve it. But here's where I fucked up.
I should have done one of the long time.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 Do you know why?

Speaker 2 Because I've held out this long, I feel like there's way more expectation on it. No.
Is that not true? No? Probably. No.
Oh, thank you, Carlos.

Speaker 2 You don't think so? Carlos, you are

Speaker 2 such a fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's the truth, dude. No.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what? Let me.

Speaker 2 This is good. This is good.
This is good. No, no, really.
Right. People don't believe it's going to happen.
Right.

Speaker 2 Well, I signed the contract. Sure.
But America doesn't. Do you think I can pull out?

Speaker 2 You sure could. How could you not? It's a year away.
They haven't paid you a dime. You don't get paid until you shoot it.
So if they didn't give you any money, you can always leave. Okay.

Speaker 2 Which you should not do. I'm going to do it.
People are excited for you to do it. I 100% want to do it.
What do you think you might call your special?

Speaker 2 My first special.

Speaker 2 Perfect. Why can't it be? I just said perfect.
Or first time. No, I think what you just said was good.
My first. My first special.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But when my actors show up, people will be like, oh, this is going to be a big deal. Well, you know what? You should call it my last special.

Speaker 2 That's funny. That's actually funny.
My last special. My last special.
Yeah. That's it.

Speaker 2 My last special. Thank you.
So you're so good with words. Yeah, I'm smart.
You're very smart. What do you guys think of that? I like it.
You like it? My last special? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Ask the foreigner and the lunatic. Or dumpling.

Speaker 2 What? Dumpling. It says the fucking Korg.

Speaker 2 He looks like a space bird. All right, let's talk.
When you also called me, you said you want me to help you buy a new car. And I said, we got to do it.
We got to get you a new car. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I need a new car. So let's take an audience vote.
Let's have the audience write in what they think Bobby should be driving now, genuinely.

Speaker 2 And based on the audience, truly, we'll do a poll. And whatever they pick, you got to buy.
Does that sound fun? Well, I like the one I have right now. What do I have right now? You have a Hyundai.

Speaker 2 A Genesis. A Genesis Hyundai.
No, no, no. Just a Genesis.
you just need a lot of guardrails you know like a an armor thing

Speaker 2 a tank what was the car you just had up a lamborghini he's not gonna buy a fucking lamborghini and then you said a mercedes what

Speaker 2 you said you wanted a luxury car i said you either do bmw or mercedes if you want a luxury branded car but then i said if you you wanted it you but you want a sedan or an suv I want a small little sports car.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he said a sports car. So I was trying to pick what's a good little sports car for him.

Speaker 2 So audience at home, what's a good little, like a Honda s2000 that's fun yeah but i want something that's um how appropriate would it be for you to have a rice rocket like lower it and all that stuff just like a little yeah wouldn't that be so cool that'd be cool i'd love that look up a honda s2000 when i was young i love i thought this was the coolest fucking car on earth look at that thing

Speaker 2 that's cute that i love that thing but i don't like the um i don't like the um

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 2 when it's convertible oh you don't want a drop top yeah i want i want a real top A hard top. Give me a hard top one.
You wouldn't want a drop-top car? I don't like drop-top.

Speaker 2 You don't want your beautiful hair waiting

Speaker 2 in the wind? No, no, no. It's going to break.
What do you mean it's going to break? I'm going to not know how to do it, and it's going to rain, and all of a sudden it's going to be a bad thing.

Speaker 2 Oh, right. Well, you'll leave the roof open 100%.
That is a fact. That.
How fun is that? That's cool. How much is that? Well, they don't make them anymore.
These are old. This is from the early 2000s.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. You can bid on this one for 27 grand.
But is there a... They don't make new ones those.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think there's any new Hyundai S200. I mean, they make something like it, I imagine.

Speaker 2 Now, the Genesis I have, that's not a Hyundai. Hyundai is the parent company.
Okay. It's Genesis Genesis.
Give me a Genesis, a brand new Genesis, see what they look like. Maybe I'll get a Genesis.

Speaker 2 You can do. Genesis is Hyundai's luxury brand.
Okay. Right, there you go.
You're in the G70 right now. I think that's what we're doing.
Yeah, I'm not going to matt it last time. No, don't mat it.

Speaker 2 Look at Okny. That's a slick car, man.
That's pretty good. Not that one.
That's a Hyundai, bud. Just write Genesis, not Hyundai, dude.
Get Hyundai out of there. Just Genesis.
And then. What's that?

Speaker 2 I like that. That's what you have.
That's a smaller one of what you have. Okay.

Speaker 2 Go to the website for Genesis. We're going to kill most of this anyway.
Yeah, we'll kill it. Hold on.
I just want to see which ones might be. Look at that.
Fly. That's fly, dude.

Speaker 2 That's a G80, and it's electric. Do you want electric? I don't want electric.
No, you want gas. Good for you, man.
I like gas. What's that? Magma.
Shmegma. That's the shmegma.

Speaker 2 The all-new Hyundai Shmegma. What is under your skin?

Speaker 2 Okay, good. I'm going to get that maybe.
You know where Hyundai is made? Cororillo. Corrillo.
Yeah. So we should get you a Korean car.
I'm going to get a Korean car. It's foolish for you to not.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know why I drive German cars, right? Why? Well. Exactly.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because you're Italian. Yeah, that's right.
Okay. Yeah.
Because I can't afford an Italian car. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or Mars or something. I had bug bikes all over my leg.
In the Midwest, there was this thing going on. This is so gross.
We have zicadas. You know what zicadas are? I love them.

Speaker 2 No, you don't know, do you? Nope. This is so wild.
Only people that know, zicadas are these things that come out.

Speaker 2 Are they like look at this that's what they fucking look like oh my god alien looking wait this is weird you've never you don't know cicadas yeah they are alien they live underground for like oh my god look at that thing seven years seven years they come out every no is it more than that isn't it i think it's seven weren't there so much cicadas during early summer where not here we don't have no not here somewhere well all over the country but look two to seven years they bury themselves underground look tell me this is not fucking This is not

Speaker 2 dinosaur alien shit. I love it.
Then every two or seven years, they just come back out and they breed and they deshell. So these little shells of their body are left all over the place.

Speaker 2 And they breed and they make this like,

Speaker 2 do a cicada, do cicada noise when they're all together. It's like this, like, no, it's like a hum though because there's so many.
It's like,

Speaker 2 it's so alien.

Speaker 2 Do do the sound of it. Do

Speaker 2 YouTube cicada sound. So back home, they're everywhere.
And then they bury and they leave these like little mites and shit in their eggs and then they bite you. Oh shit.
Yeah, they're they're gruts.

Speaker 2 You got lime disease? I got limes.

Speaker 2 I got orange disease, too. Look at my hair.
Here, hold on. Listen,

Speaker 2 it literally sounds like running water all day.

Speaker 5 And you can just see him flying around all day.

Speaker 2 Listen, how loud that is. Wow.

Speaker 2 But you mustn't even scare a noise. Huh.
Have you heard of the trumpets?

Speaker 2 Huh? Little tiny trumps? No. Oh,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Eric and Baron.

Speaker 2 You ever seen them? Eric, Baron. Tim said it's very good people.

Speaker 2 Very good people on both sides.

Speaker 2 No, I'm telling you, in remote places where there's no city, no planes, nothing,

Speaker 2 the sound of angelic trumpets. What are you talking about? Look it up then.

Speaker 2 Angelic trumpets in remote areas. Remote areas, right?

Speaker 2 Strange sounds are being heard around the world.

Speaker 2 This is from six years ago. It says, Now go to the first comment.
It's fake.

Speaker 2 They're all fake.

Speaker 2 They're all fake. Who says that? Everybody.
All the videos are saying it's fake.

Speaker 3 What about the Appalachian mountains?

Speaker 2 Here we go. Maybe that.

Speaker 2 What's happening with Appalachia? What's going on with Appalachia right now?

Speaker 3 No, I don't know how to pronounce it, but.

Speaker 2 Appalachian Mountains.

Speaker 2 Appalachia?

Speaker 3 It's Appalachia.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we got you the first time. Yeah, Yeah, we fucked up.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 God, get her some of that white cream.

Speaker 3 But on TikTok, they're saying like it's really like the lore on that is really scary. And like you hear like voices when you hike.

Speaker 2 Oh, up in the Appalachian mountain range. Yeah.
Yeah, they do say that they're very haunted. That I have heard.
My dad, that's where my dad's from.

Speaker 2 Seriously, they do say that the Appalachian Mountains are home to a lot of ghostly, haunted.

Speaker 2 Seriously. No,

Speaker 2 I'm and you know that you know what they think most of those people are

Speaker 2 civil war uh whoa deaths that's insane they think that they've the souls have retreated retreated to the mountain range

Speaker 2 can you imagine if they won

Speaker 2 oh i wouldn't be here

Speaker 2 what a dream

Speaker 2 so good you don't really mean that no there is this this uh post i saw that bobby liked what did you like

Speaker 2 No women. What is this?

Speaker 6 No women, no alcohol, no drugs, no smoking, no party, no entertainment, no video games, no distractions, no fast food, no hookups, no scrolling, no Netflix, no junk food, no negative people.

Speaker 2 This place is something different.

Speaker 6 They removed everything that's not making men grow.

Speaker 2 When you enter the So no Bobby Lee?

Speaker 2 That's everything you.

Speaker 2 That's all you.

Speaker 2 First of all, how do you know that I liked it? It says it right there. Liked by Bobby Lee.
I know, but stop doing that. That's so private.
No, it's so intrusive. Instagram shows what you like.

Speaker 2 But don't look. I see what you like all the time.
I know, but don't look. Don't look.
I don't like it. How? If the thing comes up in my mind.
But don't bring it up. It's like, it's so personal.

Speaker 2 Like, yeah, I like that. I want that.
I want to be there. Well, let's go.
Yeah, yeah. I want a place where I can just kind of detach and just, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I know you're laughing, McCone, because you're not my age. You're young, vibrant.
You got your whole life in front of you. But I have baggage.
I have things that I'm dealing with. All right.

Speaker 2 What else?

Speaker 2 This does look great. The Bali time chip.
Yeah, yeah. Are there other things that I like?

Speaker 2 What else does he like? I mean, I...

Speaker 2 Let's see. No, it doesn't show you what you like.
Okay. How'd you know that I like that one? Because it popped up on my algorithm and it said liked by Bobby Lee.
Because they, there's a.

Speaker 2 But why is it in your algorithm? You're in my, I mean, everything, because we're all together. I see shit that you like all the time.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I see shit that he likes all the time and it's fucking scary. It's scary.
It suggests stuff to me and I'm like, like, No, thank you. The one who was like, Build your own glory hole at home.

Speaker 2 It's like, Why would you need that? Why would you need that? Yeah, oh, here's this Asian woman who sells houses for single people. Love this woman.

Speaker 2 Oh, she's speaking English.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Oh, my. I just got that.
Do it again.

Speaker 3 House for the single.

Speaker 2 Oh, house for a single. Oh, I literally thought you were speaking Chinese.
Did you? It says it right there. I know.
I was just watching her and watching the house, actually.

Speaker 2 Wow. Can I ask you something about that?

Speaker 2 I thought about buying that. Like a little single man? Where do you put it?

Speaker 2 I mean, where would you put it? Yeah. Probably in the front yard of your current home.

Speaker 2 Just have two houses. It's a tiny little thing.
It's like a little...

Speaker 2 right yeah but can do you buy you know to get one of those do you have to buy land and then put that on the land i would imagine this is in a community in a tiny home community where they all are or you have to find a place to put it

Speaker 2 would that be interesting huh do you want to do that to buy a little land and get three of those things but then connect them oh oh for friends yeah that'd be fun though or you could just live in a house a regular house yeah

Speaker 2 the dialogue dazzle out of it all right rudy if you have nothing else to contribute right now um if you have nothing else that's burning inside of you that you need to get off your chest.

Speaker 3 Well, we moved houses.

Speaker 2 I know. It makes me so sad.
Wait, what do you mean?

Speaker 3 Like, we're not in the current house anymore.

Speaker 2 Where are you guys?

Speaker 3 Are there.

Speaker 2 Where? Away from me.

Speaker 3 Away from here.

Speaker 2 Away from Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 You moved out of L.A.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 2 That's fine.

Speaker 2 Is it a bigger or a smaller room?

Speaker 3 It's about the same, but the drive to here is really far.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. I'm sorry.
All right, so you moved and you're it's okay. You like it? I like it a lot.
Have you decorated your room?

Speaker 3 No, I'm too tired.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that makes perfect sense. Well, um,

Speaker 2 take us out.

Speaker 3 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Perfect.