Rudy Has A Seizure

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. I have some good news for you, though, Carlos.
I'm glad you're here. What's up? So, you know my friend Peter? Oh, yeah.
Peter what? The gay Asian? Exactly. Bingo.
The only Peter around, my friend. And so Peter, the other night, I was talking to him, and he goes,

um,

you know, Exactly. Bingo.
The only Peter around, my friend. And so Peter, the other night, I was talking to him and he goes, I'm a top now, which is great.
Now, is that a whole thing for them to make the switch? Hey. God, you're tan, huh? Yeah, where have you been? Surfing.
Serbia? What'd you go to Serbia for? Yeah. Wait, you've been surfing every day, huh? Every weekend.
Santa Monica? Yeah, or El Porto Beach. Honestly, you are the most tan I think I've ever seen you.
Yeah. What's the goal here? I don't know.
I'm just surfing, and I just get really, like, brown. You're in brown face.
Yeah. I thought you were getting ready for your Kamala Harris impression Oh let's hear it

Yeah do the impression

Give me a word

The phrase that you should say is

You think you just fell out of a coconut tree

That's the one she says all the time

I don't know how to do it

Yeah just try

You're at the democratic convention right

Can you give me a sample and then I'll follow you She kind sounds like she's um like you just think you fell out of a coconut tree she almost sounds like she's gonna cry yeah yeah do the you just think you fell out of a coconut tree let's play the clip coconut tree you think you fell out of a coconut oh there we go here we here here we here we here we how are we approaching this issue in a way that we also understand we cannot support and help our young people if we also also also go ahead you think you think you just follow a coconut tree that's pretty good dude that's so good that's pretty good call lauren michaels yeah call lauren michaels right now call him oh my god dude that was so good First try. Let him know he can make right by the Shane Gillis mistake.
Hiring an Asian. South Asian.
That was very good. You think you just fell out of a coconut tree? That's really good.
That's so good. You're much darker than her, though.
And then the last photo that we saw with the other podcast that I do that you were on i know but the the a lot of the comments are like oh she's now an adult because she's tan no there's something about the way because you know you have to understand she it's like you know dude like in different strokes yeah you mean when willis not arnold but when willis grew up you were like oh Arnold stayed the same. Yeah, yeah.
Arnold didn't really. Yeah, he didn't, yeah.
He kind of plateaued. Yeah.
But when Willis became, right, when you saw him kind of transition into a- People watch him grow up on the show. So we watch you grow up.
We watch you grow up on the show, you know? Yeah. Yeah.
She looks the exact same to me. Yeah, to me, she looks like, you know what I mean, a kid.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Our little sister.

Our little sister.

You know what I mean?

And she's, you know.

Yeah.

And this thing didn't grow, oddly enough.

Up here didn't grow.

Oh, that never grew.

Yeah, it kind of stayed the same.

Yeah.

Have you learned anything?

You've graduated college now.

I haven't.

Wait, how many years has it been?

Aren't you been there for four years?

We're 46.

I have one, well, two more semesters and I graduate. What is that? A teacher in Mexico is teaching a student's physics using one piece? One piece? What is that? Oh, that's the thing that you love so much.
The anime. The anime.
Would you like to learn through one piece? In Spanish? Yeah, that would be more interesting. Did you end up watching that one anime I told you to watch? Not yet.
Oh my God. Nothing I suggest she watches.
Nothing. Well.

No, it's just when you push, then I don't want to.

Oh, but I feel like if I don't bring it up, you won't either.

Then yeah, that's true.

You won't be informed at all.

Yeah. You got to find some way.

Okay, I'll find some way.

I watched The Whale on the plane.

Great movie.

My God.

What whale?

It's just the Brennan whale.

Oh, okay.

I watch a porn called Whale too. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, I've seen that i've seen that yeah i think it's just that that was like that it just bummed me out yeah it was just tough you had never seen it before no i you know what's so funny i started it once and then i was like yeah i just you know you know when you start something you're like this is gonna fucking make me sad the whole flight i what's said for me is i have a drawer like that.
You do? Yeah, I have one of those drawers where like... I know.
There's chicken in it? Yeah, yeah. Fried chicken in it, yeah.
Watching him eat the chicken was the toughest. That's so tough to watch.
Because it's just like... The pizza with...
The pizza. Oh, yeah.
But that actually looked kind of good. Yeah.
If I'm being honest. And then the...
What's the Ching Chong, Ching Chong? The China Asian lady. She's so good.
She's so good in that movie. She's so good in it.
What is her name? Yeah, I just called Ching Chong, Ching Chong lady. Yeah, Hung Chow.
Hung Chow, she's so good, that lady. All right, so there's something I want to talk about that I was told not to talk about, but you know me.
You got to chat it up. I got to chat it up because if it doesn't, it turns into a cancer.
Chat it up, chat it up. It's not a rumor, it's not a rumor thing.
No, it's a fact. It's not a fact.
It's just that- So it's a rumor? It's not even a rumor. It's just a little observation.
All right. Give it to me.
All right. I was in Butte.
Butte, Montana. For three weeks.
With Jim Belushi. Yes.
Leslie Jones. Yes.
Tiffany Haddish. No.
No. Eleanor Kurgan.
Eleanor. Tiffany was- No, she wasn't.
No. She's supposed to be in that movie No Little Rel That's Tiffany Isn't that the same That's the same person Okay That's right And Whoopi It's all three Whoopi, Tiffany And Little Rel The same person Yeah Yeah It's like all the characters Martin played Right So there was this guy Named Brick Patrick Who A talented actor He was actually in the movie The movie you did But the second one he was in now you see me too yeah but he was Woody Harrelson's brother in that his name is Brick Patrick Brick Brick Patrick Brick Patrick there he is right so Brick wrote the movie great actor good-looking guy good-looking guy great guy right and he goes like he grew up in Butte and he was like yeah i yeah dude you never had chinese food like where i'm about to tell you oh so back the back in the 50s you know there was a gold rush or whatever and a chinese family moved there and they just never left i just feel like a chinese family got lost where we're going yeah what do you mean what do you mean well the gold rush was northern california oh that's right and then butte oh i know let me tell Tell you what happened.
You're mean? Well, the gold rush was in Northern California. Oh, that's right.

Not in Butte, Montana. I know.

Let me tell you what happened.

You're not wrong.

There was gold in a lot of places.

But they went too far.

But they went east.

Keep on going.

Yeah, I know.

But they love east.

They love east.

Yes.

We go east.

No, go north.

That's where the gold is.

No.

No, east.

Yeah.

And they walked east into the desert. So they end up in Butte, Montana.
In Butte, Montana, right? All right. And they go, oh, fuck, we fuck up.
And the dad goes, what do you mean? Yeah. We should have gone north.
Yeah. There's nothing here but white people.
Correct. Yeah, yeah.
So let's open a Chinese restaurant. Brilliant.
Called Pekin. Pekin? Yeah.
Pekin and Butte. P-E-K-I-N, I think.
Pekin and Butte, Montana. Yeah.
There it is. peckin peckin yeah peckin and butte p-e-k-i-n i think peckin and butte montana yeah there it is peckin peckin noodle parlor yeah and now so upstairs look upstairs the third photo i mean see that it used to be a brothel whoa it used to be a brothel and then they divided it up and they go let me turn this into restaurant now i don't know what the logic behind it, but that's exactly what it looks like.
Wow. They never changed it.
So those are those little rooms to have sex in? Yeah, but now it's opened and now there's tables where you can eat. I love the Wild West.
Yeah, right back in the day. I love the Wild West.
Wouldn't that be nice? And by the way, why don't they make it a brothel and Chinese food? Exactly. And opium den it used to be.
Oh, how fun. All three?

Oh, fun.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

It's amazing.

It's like the Asian Walmart.

You can get anything you want that's Asian.

You know what I mean?

So I went there and it's not Chinese food.

What is it?

I have no idea.

Was it like spaghetti?

It was. Because I hate.
Okay. There there's two i have a problem all right this is this guy named jerry that runs it his parents ran it for many years you met the guy yeah yeah and um so i did a comedy show there at the china no no but next to it is theater.
And he came and he go, and we're sitting there in the lobby

and he was super skinny.

And I go,

man, do you have Kung Fu or something?

I was just making fun of him.

Right?

Eat something.

Oh, but you won't eat your food, right?

Because it's bad.

Right?

Whatever.

I kept making fun of him.

Then he had tears in his eyes.

He goes,

buddy,

I have cancer.

Oh my God. From his food? From the food? No.
Oh. Terrible.
No, terrible. Stop.
MSG from- MSG. Wait, he said I have cancer.
Yeah, yeah. Tears in his eyes.
Oh, Bob. He goes, buddy, you want me to be truthful to you? I go, yeah.
He goes, I have cancer. It came back.
And I'm on Medicaid. I'm like, oh, fuck.
Here we fuck here we go what kind what what kind uh you didn't ask i didn't ask why wouldn't you ask what i don't know what kinds there are all there's so many shoulder blade yeah it could have yeah yeah i don't know can you get it in the finger i don't know yeah yeah so anyway poor guy yeah i go oh man terrible so sorry for making fun of you man you know yeah but you know good luck to you he knew you were joking you're a comic you're a friend he didn't he had tears in his eyes oh bob so then i go back to the green room i'm sitting like this and brick goes what happened bud i tell him what happens he goes oh fuck dude i go what he goes i didn't even know. Oh, man.
Right? So like half an hour later, I go back out in the lobby, and the guy has tears in his eyes. Still crying.
Still crying. And he goes, I joking.
Fuck. This guy's great.
Fucking guy. I love this guy.
I love this guy. This fucking guy, Jerry.
I joking. Well, that's a good laugh.
By the way, he does definitely. He has cancer he has cancer What? No he has cancer That was his way Of playing it off But the food was It wasn't bad It's just not Chinese food He brought me out A bowl of water There's Jerry right there With noodles Is that Jerry? It was zooming Yep that's him I joking Look at Jerry There it's Jerry Good guy If you're.
Good guy. If you're ever in Butte, you would have pecked.
If you're ever in Butte. You know how often people are rolling through Butte? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm going. Look at him.
That's my guy. Does he not look like he has cancer? I mean, doesn't he look like I would buy it? Maybe.
Maybe I would have bought it. Yeah, you would have bought it work every day that's true maybe he just is staying thin to win it's in it is an interesting play yeah it's an interesting play because now do you feel bad for him no yeah but maybe he's telling the truth you think look there he is do you think he's got it and he's crying there he's always crying he's telling the guy he has cancer he's telling the reporter i have a cancer look at his face i have historic family-run chinese restaurant in montana yeah wow well we'll take we gotta go we gotta go there and um you know spending three i'll tell you another thing that happened give it to me and what would you do this is you know let's do a segment of the show what would? What would you do? What would Andrew do? Yeah, probably not through the movie.
Fuck you, dude. No, I'm kidding.
I'm sorry. I don't get Hollywood shit like you do.
Just kidding. Your shit, oh, Zac Efron.
I get the fucking ghetto shit. I'm just joshing.
I love when you're, and then I turn on the TV, you and Stavros commercial. Yes.
Yeah, yeah. Like, you're just killing it.
Well, that one I- So, you know, it's like, you know, don't make fun of me, bye pal. I can't get the shit you get.
Shut up. God, anyway.
You have an upcoming show on NBC with a brand new top. That's true.
That's true. By the way, the show should be called I Got a Brand New Top.
I Got a Brand New Top, yeah. And you guys work in a clothing store.
Yeah, yeah. I Got a Brand New Top.
That's funny. Brand New Top.
You should be the showrunner. I would love to.
So anyway, another thing that happened was I went to an AA meeting. You only went to one? You were there for like two months.
I went to two. Okay.
And it's at the school and I walk in. It's like a lot of people with like, you know, oxygen masks.
You know, tanks. Oh, the tanks.
Oh, yeah the tanks Oh yeah yeah yeah You know what I mean And I'm trying to like You know I'm trying to do it Trying to be in Right And then There's also only one Uber In Perbute So when you get an Uber You have to wait there For two hours It's just one guy And then when he shows up He's like Sorry dude I had six other He knows your name dude Like you've seen them before Yeah Yeah sorry dude do i had like eight other ones you know i mean was it jerry he's cooking he's got an uber he's gotta do it all yeah so then um this couple night the nicest couple i've met in a very long time he goes yo man you need a ride home because the ubers are bad around here and i go yeah man if you can you know i'm saying yeah so i get in his car with his wife and so the hotel i'm staying in um the finland has a gigantic finland you know i mean um a fine finish flag or something no no no no no not finland finland you're saying finland like no country no d f-i-n-l-e-n fineland fineland yeah that's it. So that.
See that thing? And that's a neon sign. And it glows.
It glows. I'm in the car and we're going opposite of that sign.
You can see it. I can see it.
It's the biggest building in Butte, right? So I'm turning around like this and we're on a freeway going the opposite direction. Uh-oh.
Right. Uh-uh.
So, you know, like me, I'm like, you know, I think of different things. I'm a thinker.
You a thinker you are and i'm a survivor yeah so i'm like what do i do here jump out you know i mean bail yeah no but i did the smart thing i go where we going well that's a good start that's a good start when you're being kidnapped am i right where are we going where are we going yeah like a little scared like a little i always do that too where do we go a little yeah a little accent comes out you have to yeah like i'm the asian oliver twiff more more potter japanese right so where we're going right and the guy goes oh yeah you're going to our house oh no oh yes no i want to go home yeah yeah i know me too me too at this time i want to go home yeah me too me too so also i had an early call yeah i had to get home i gotta go to work right so oh you go your house right yeah you got to our house i go why uh you're meeting the family oh no yeah yeah what's so funny it's insane i walk in these two gigantic two gigantic, I don't eat, Mastiff dogs. Bull Mastiff.
Yeah, they're jumping on top of me, right? I'm like, ah, right? These three kids come up. They were sleeping.
Oh, you woke them up. Yeah, these white kids.
They're coming out. And one of them looks at me and goes, Danny gave me a $300 allowance to get school closing in Missoula.
nice And I wanted to go Oh yeah I don't give a shit That's mean But that's what I wanted to say I know Hey kid I'm never gonna see you again But I didn't do that I go You know Cause I'm a good guy Yeah Oh yeah really Missoula That's beautiful Exactly I must have been there for like an hour now what would you do uh lee oh my god i would have never gone no you're in the car in the car would have made myself throw up in the car i would have stuck my fingers down my throat threw up all over the car so they gotta pull over yeah pull over and i'm out and i'm running by the way the nicest people i've ever met i have this number great guy just kidding but you were thrown up and made myself thrown up 100% gag myself and get out how do you get out how would you what would What did you do? I just I have his number. Great guy.
Just kidding. But you were thrown up.
I made myself thrown up. 100%.
Gag myself and get out. How do you get out? What would you do? I'd just scream and say stop the car.
You would scream? No. They're going to go, what are you doing? What are you screaming for? Then they would take you to a hospital.
And like seizure. Oh, do a seizure.
That's different. Let me see you do a fake seizure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're driving.
I'm in the the car We're both driving We're both driving Yeah Two wheeler Yeah yeah Those new two wheelers Two new wheelers My engine's different No my engine's different than yours Oh okay Yeah so mine goes What should it go Mine goes Mine goes For sure Yeah yeah It's broken The radiator The belt belt The belt is Your belt is wrong Alright we're going back To our house Are you excited Come back to our house Are you excited Stop the car No we can't No we can't do that Stop the car Whoa Whoa What happened That was insane That was insane you're not having fucking you're getting possessed yeah we gotta take you we gotta take you to a mental hospital stigmata dude that was stigmata dude oh my god six six six six I would stop the car and run out run we'd be running into the desert I guess she did it right Holy shit That helped Wow dude That worked

That was really good dude

Well I hope

I hope never

I hope that never happens

Oh shit

I hope we never encountered that

The funniest thing I've ever seen

So you had a fun time

I should have done that

You had a fun time in Butte

I should have done that

God

Right

Not as good as hers

Hers was really good

You do a stigmata

Yeah yeah it's good

Wow

You see

You're growing up

Thank you. Right? Not as good as hers.
Hers was really good. You do a Stigamata.
Yeah, yeah, it's good. Wow.
Do you see? You're growing up. Yeah.
Yeah, you're all growing up. But the movie was fun to do.
The movie's going to be good. I heard Little Maconi Boney says you're very excited about it.
I'm excited because, you know, Jim Belushi, like, I never thought I'd ever meet him. He's the man.
And just one of the just what a great generous guy he seems like a cool dude yeah how was uh throwing let's go to you Chicago this is the ball yeah I threw the first pitch if anyone knows he went to the Cubs game yeah and I sang the seventh inning stretch with and there he is and thrown out the first pitch so this is a big deal as a kid from Chicago throwing out the first pitch is fine they let like local insurance agents do that but to sing the stretch that is a big deal as a kid from Chicago. Throwing out the first pitch is fine.
They let local insurance agents do that. But to sing the

stretch, that's a big deal.

Was there a pop when they said your name? Yeah, it was actually kind of fun. They go, Andrew Santino! And you can hear...
Well, you can see it. They'll play.
Oh, let's see. He's doing my credits What's that? Push pause Didn't hear Bad Friends at all He definitely says Bad Friends He 100% says it, listen Okay Wow Yeah, it was pretty cool Is that your wife screaming? No, there a ton of people around I mean there's 30 of us Bam Oh Yes Wow That was so good dude And I had to give Clark a big hug Wrap my legs around the boy So fun man I'm so proud of you But the coolest thing was this Was up in the booth and singing.
Singing was the best part by far. Oh, let me see you sing.
How exciting. I want to hear you good and loud! A one! A two! A three! Take me out to the ball game! Take me out to the crowd.
Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks. I don't care if I am.
Oh. This is my favorite.
For the Cubbies. I love it.

It's great.

Anyway.

What a dream.

It was actually.

What a star.

It actually was one of the coolest moments of my life.

I even said, I was off a couple of drinks and I turned to my mom and my wife and I said,

I can die now.

And they got a little upset, but I really did mean it.

That was it.

I did it.

That's it? This is it. That's it.
I don't know, man. Doing that.
That's the death. That's it.
You've done everything. I did it all.
Popular podcast. Bingo? It's a very small but supple television career.
Very good. Couple of films.
Very good. Stand up, not bad.
Pretty good. Sing in the seventh inning stretch yeah check all the boxes you did it bury me baby i think you did it please bury me i need you to be around for i'm gonna stick around another four years four years yeah that's fine until we do stop then die yep i will die and then i'll you know i'll disappear so it was a big moment in my life this is one of those things for me that was huge and uh also we had a family member that passed away no no who not during this oh thank you i mean and some and some of his ashes got spread on the field which is also boom nice little tip of the hat because he grew up around the corner from it i thought that was kind of nice we spread his ashes well we did i didn't.
Someone did. You don't do that?

Have you never spread ashes somewhere sacred?

That just sounds insane.

How's that crazy?

I'm watching a game.

All of a sudden, there's like powder in my face.

No one's near you.

Yeah, yeah.

A little powder on my face.

It gets done.

What the fuck was that?

Oh, Andrew's uncle.

Real sly.

Real quick. Real low.
No. Is there a smell? Andrew's uncle.
Real sly. Real like this.
Real quick.

Real low.

The fuck is?

No.

Is there a smell?

There's some right there.

Look.

Who's ashes?

Luke's mom.

Someone on tour gave us this.

What?

Yeah, our fan's mom.

Right, a fan gave us some of his mom.

So weird.

Yeah, hangs with McCone back here now.

Is that really that weird?

That's some of his mom.

He wanted some of his mom to be with us.

What do you- McCone, I'll give you $1,000. I'm not kidding you.
If you snort that whole thing. I'll do it.
No. No.
No. You will do it.
You're sober. Yeah, you'll do it.
You can see bone chunks. Oh, wow.
You can see bone chunks? Yeah. Imagine giving him an important job.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah, I know.
Anything of any importance. I mean, if you think of like Castaway, right?

In the movie, Tom Hanks is out there on this island for years.

For years.

You ever see that movie?

No.

She has no idea what that is. Do you know what it's about?

No.

Okay, we can tell you.

Castaway with Tom Hanks.

So it's about, so this, Castaway is this, okay?

He's best friends with a volleyball.

What?

Well, okay. But don't laugh.
That's not funny. That's not funny.
He grew up. He has a little, he's best friends with a volleyball what well okay but don't laugh that's not funny that's not funny he grew up he has a little he's a little slow he remember forrest gump yeah he's playing the same kind of like a sequel to forrest gump yeah so what ends up happening is he gets he gets in he gets hiv and they banish him to this island they banish him to the island and but they go you can bring one person your friend your friend this is kind of in the post future yeah right and he goes well i want to bring this volleyball and they're like dude you can pick a human and he's like that he no human yeah that is a human so he gets hiv they banish him to this island see that blood on the thing is some of his hiv blood uh-huh on the thing so that wilson has hiv as well right they want to be the same.
What's so funny? It's not funny. Nothing.
And then what ends up happening is on the island he makes a wish one night to grow old. Grow old.
And he does it on like you know this is Ultar is like a little animal that lives on the beach and so then he starts to grow old. But then what happens is like, you remember in Benjamin Button?

Yeah.

He goes the other way.

He goes backwards.

But since Wilson is a volleyball,

he doesn't go backwards.

He just gets...

Right.

Yeah.

Stop, stop.

I know, I know.

Stop, stop, stop.

First of all,

hitting on her,

this, like all this stuff today.

Your thinnest of ice.

Thinnest of ice, right?

Says he wants to snort the mom's ashes.

Well, you were saying-

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Don't tell- Thank you. and you're cackling like a fucking hyena.
How's that going to work? You too, McCown.

I was holding it together.

Wait, what's the end of Castaway?

Oh, the end of the movie is amazing. So his friend Andy comes to rescue him.
His friend Andy comes to rescue him. And there was a rift between him and his old boss, Buzz.
And when Andy comes- there was also a rift in the time continuum space time continuum time continuum yeah and he goes back home and his wife has already fallen in love with someone else Helen Hunt yeah great movie in that scene when he does when they find him and he comes back And Helen Hunt is remarried Yeah got a family right Right But then doesn't she Try to fuck him after that No No it's over She doesn't chase after They have a moment They have a moment Where they kiss right No they don't kiss I think they do They kiss Well it's her ex-husband No I think they fuck one time No they don't No they don't really no they don't okay but i will say they have a moment then he leaves and then jumps in front of a train and he dies yeah yeah it's a sad ending yeah it's a bad ending here's another movie by the way it was a local train it was it wasn't even an express like a low it stopped a lot yeah which i think was nuts yeah that's sad it's super you gotta watch it it won 15 academy awards okay it's Yeah You know we talked about this The other day Tom Hanks has never been Except for the Elvis movie He's never been a bad guy In anything he's ever done In any movie he's ever done He's always been the hero In an idea No what about the one Catch me if you can He's not a bad guy at all He's chasing Leo He's chasing a criminal Oh he's the bad guy Yeah Okay that's right I mean I do agree with you yeah leo's the bad guy leo is not the bad guy but he is the bad yeah yeah oh that's

interesting you can't name any movie he's done where he's the bad guy a memorable movie a good

memorable movie oh no don't well go to any of them then you can go to his top hits don't go

scroll through everything but go to the top hits and before you do let me think though okay saving

private ryan good guy philadelphia yeah big great guy mr rogers oh yeah of course

Thank you. Before you do, let me think, though.
Okay, Saving Private Ryan, good guy. Philadelphia.
Yeah. Big.
Great guy. Mr.
Rogers. Oh, yeah, of course.
Lady killers. Lady killers.
Lady killers, yeah. He's a bad guy.
No, he's not. They're killing ladies.
Yeah. They deserve to be killed.
What murder? Go to the movies. Seriously, go to the movies.
Cast Away, Philadelphia, Big Forrest Gump. I mean, go down down you can see all the things he's done it's just all the toy stories charlie wilson's war the da vinci code polar express the terminal i mean just look at that fucking road to perdition green mile he's a hero or a good guy in everything he's that thing you do he's just ap.
What a great... Have you seen Apollo 13? A League of Their Own.
Watch Apollo 12 first. Watch all the Apollos before that, but 13 is the best one.
You can start at like four. Start at Apollo 4.
Yeah, start with four, yeah. By the way, we have to play this trailer real fast because we were going through movies of what to watch back home with my mom.
And I wanted to watch Mr. Baseball with Tom Selleck.

Do you remember Mr. Baseball?

Yes.

Oh, my God.

This is one of the best.

So good.

Watch how fun this trailer is.

Tom Selleck is Mr. Baseball.

Look at how these two do trailers, by the way.

Okay.

This is phenomenal.

Elliot's really struggling up there, Ralph.

I know I haven't exactly been raking the ball lately. The word is he could be traded north.
well there's a japanese people in this oh yeah yeah no say it's not cleveland but the smart money says we got a call from a manager in far east there's no way i'm gonna play in j. Welcome to Japan, Mr.
Baseball. What do you think of our country? The airport's nice, and there's lots of little people walking, talking very fast.
Have you slept with Madonna? What? Practice. We're not athletes.
We're baseball players. I hate this place.

This is your manager.

Must shave mustache.

You probably can't even grow one.

He's learning their ways.

What's next?

Somebody going to tell me how to go to the can?

Hey, Max, I need somebody to tell me how to go to the can.

They'll warm up after a season or two.

Well, I don't plan to be here that long. They're learning his ways.
That's way. Always making jokes.
Do the hokey pokey. Turn yourself around.
Baseball is a game. Games are supposed to be fun.
No offense. I don't eat bait.
We have business to discuss. I'm really not much of a bath guy i'll be there in any language it's a whole new ballgame

speech coach dude i want to remake this movie so bad

he falls in love with the manager's daughter yeah this is a great movie it's so good

Thank you. So bad.
He falls in love with the manager's daughter.

Yeah.

This is a great movie.

It's so good.

Explain to me why.

Because it's a fish out of water.

I know.

And I mean that from a sushi reference.

It's a fish out of water.

Can he go anywhere else?

No, it's got to be Japan.

It's so funny in Japan.

Why can't he go to like Bosnia?

Okay, we could try Bosnia. Let's try Bosnia.
War-torn Bosniania war-torn bosnia is that where we're going yeah wow it's such a good it's okay funny because it's filled with racist stuff i know i know it's hilarious i get ptsd i don't know why when i hear it when i hear that i know for some reason how do you feel about that? How do you feel about that? It's very racist. Yeah, yeah, but how do you feel? Yeah.
Do you have a seizure? It hits us in a way. For her, it's like.
That almost, wow. Yeah, yeah yeah let me let's see if you have a seizure when that music comes on see it didn't you're fine or a gong yeah the gong i've never seen a gong it's ever well we got one right here don't we oh yeah yeah yeah i used to have one that's right what i that's why you could only have made this then you could not make this today but it would be funny as shit today no what you do is you get a bunch of just Asians and just show this movie I'd love to see the reaction oh yeah react that'd be fun that's very good that's fun what are you scrolling through sweetheart oh just some like well go to Mickey Rooney have you seen Mickey Rooney asia oh so there was a white guy named mickey rooney so good you're gonna love this he's still alive yeah yeah that's a white guy that's a white guy with like prosthetic yeah yeah no no no is there any video or no some of? Some of his work.
And this was completely accepted in America.

Promoted.

Promoted.

We loved it. Loved it.

They loved it.

This is what Trump is talking about.

Yeah, this is what he's talking about.

Make America Chinese again.

This is real, Dad.

Don't laugh.

Don't laugh.

Try not to laugh.

To be fair, this is how you wake up.

Yeah.

That's the funniest thing you've ever said.

That's the funniest thing.

All right, that's it? No, really it I want to see him talk to these people Audrey Hepburn insane you must have a key made but it won't do any good I just lose them all he really Okay, that's it. He really does look Asian.
He looks, it doesn't sound,

the voice is a practice. He sounds perfect.

It sounds perfect. The sound is? Look at that.

Yeah. How do you feel about

that? Scary. Scary.

Yeah, it is really scary. But he looks

like your uncle. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Hair and makeup did a great job. You know what?

Did he get an Oscar? Hair and makeup should have got an Oscar for that. 100%.
I would. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Breakfast at Mr. Ushinoi's.
Yeah. And then John Wayne, we've seen that, right? Oh, yeah.
I think we've shown this. Have we seen this? I think we did.
But she's never seen it. I know.
And she needs to know what it was like. You gotta know.
Yeah. All right, tell me what's going on with Gen Z.
Yeah, we wanna know know yeah we want to know what's up on the streets for gen z gen z give what was the segment spill the tea spill the tea with rudy the tea there's no tea but i have a story god bless i went to hermosa beach to party with who with like friends. And they said that they were going to be cute guys.
And all I saw when I went there was old white guys with cowboy hats. Yeah, you went to Hermosa Beach.
Yeah. And I got sick from it.
Whoa, whoa. What do you mean? Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Tell me, tell me. Put something in your drink? No, I don? No, I don't know, but I was sharing drinks, and I got, like, I have a cold.
Right now you do? Yeah. But I'm okay.
It's been a week. It's been a week.
Thanks for coming to the show. It's been a week.
Wait a minute. Don't share drinks.
Don't share drinks, and don't take drinks from other people. No, just friends.
I don't trust your friends either. Yeah, you're friends.
I know, but whenever- Not at but whenever... When you say old, are you talking 30-year-olds?

Like 40 and up.

Okay.

And they were trying to like dance.

On you?

It was so weird.

It's so weird.

They all had cowboy hats on?

Mm-hmm.

It was so weird.

And the girls were like, oh, there's going to be cute guys.

But they paid for the drinks.

That's why you went.

No. Where did you guys go? A bar? Yeah, a bar.
Sharky's going to be cute guys. But they paid for the drinks.
That's why people went. That's why you went.
No.

Where did you guys go? A bar? Yeah, a bar.

Sharky's. Oh my god.

Sharky's in Hermosa Beach.

That's insane. Yeah.
Wow.

How gross. You're going to get new friends, I think.

That's why I took Kalilah's. Did anybody recognize you? At school.

No, at where?

Like at work. Like this random guy

just came in the office and was shouting, are you from Brad Friends? From Brad Friends? Bad Friends. Is that Mickey Rooney? Wait, so I want to know though, at Sharky's, when you go to Sharky's, it's your girlfriends and four old white guys in cowboy hats? No, the crowd was older.
It's hard to believe. Why don't you just leave? I don't know, because they don't know anywhere else.
I thought we were going to LA. Yeah, you need a completely new group of friends.
You gotta switch. Yeah.
They're the party girls, so I thought, oh, they know. They're not party girls.
Obviously, their partying is bad. Yeah, they're bad.
They don't know how to do it. This is bad partying.
And it smelled like piss. Okay.
The music was so bad. I just, and I got sick.
I don't know, like, budot's like... What's budot? Budot's like Filipino disco song.
Budot? Budot. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Never heard that before in my life.
I know that song It's a Filipino disco song No you don't know You're honestly you know You know Budot Yeah It's popular on TikTok right now Oh yeah okay I believe you I believe you. I believe you.
Oh, yeah, yeah, I believe you. Then you say, paging Dr.
Vic. Paging Dr.
Vic. Emergency.
Paging Dr. Vic.
Well, it's got to be nurse-oriented if it's Filipinos. Hey.
Come on. Good.
Thank you. I like it.
But, yeah, that's what happened. That's what happened.
But I thought you had, if you're cruising for dicks, I thought you had a boyfriend. I'm not cruising for dicks.
I'm just like. Then why would you care? I like to look.
It's okay. had If you're cruising for dicks I thought you had a boyfriend I'm not cruising for dicks I'm just like Then why would you care? I like to look Oh you wanna look Window shopping Window shopping It's always fun When there's cute guys I see It is always fun When there's cute guys That's one of my mantra I went to a party That you would've loved Where? Malibu Oh Little Malibuian over here I have a friend that had a little party in Malibu at her house

and they were all 20 somethings

men and women

and you

and me what

I'll tell you this

hey guys

no no

spit it

spit it spit it out I can handle it I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. spit it out i can handle it

age range

oh the age range he's saying and then there was you somebody walked in the living room they're like did somebody order Chinese food you dropping off or picking up that's strange interesting but the party was nice it's interesting that you would say that because that's exactly the demographic of people that like our show that's right and so I have to say that they were big fans big Big fans. And they even knew who you were, my friend.
Okay? Oh, so you were vibing with a... The guy's King Viber.
Dude, I'm the master vibe. In any situation.
I'll go to a library, I vibe. He vibes everywhere.
Yeah, I can go to a fucking Pep Boys. Vibing.
I'm vibing, dog. You know what I mean? I can be in Mazatlan.
Vibing hard. Hard.
Hard vibe. Hard vibe on Mazatlan vibe Where else can you be you think Me? Yeah The point of No return No return Yeah you're vibing out there When I'm at the point of no return Yeah King vibe dude King vibe Yeah yeah yeah You know what I mean When I'm cruising Oh you're cruising You're vibing dude You know what I mean The cruises I go on Hard vibe Fuck yeah But then I went to the Chili Cook-Off in Malibu with the gang.
Have you been there? No. You know what it is? I do.
Have you been to the Chili Cook-Off? You guys know? What is it? It's a Chili Cook-Off in Malibu. No, it's not.
There's shirts at Aviator Nation about it. I know, but do you know what it is? It's a fair.
Okay, well. There's rides.
I don't go to fairs, dude. It's a rides.
That's right. And they have those rides, like the zipper.
Yeah, I like the zipper. Remember the zipper? Yeah, it goes this way and that.
It's like a. Yeah, yeah, it's so scary.
Yeah, yeah. And then now, you know, back in my day, they had the thing where it looked like a saucer.
You go in and you get stuck to the wall. Right, I like that.
You like that? I love those. But check it out.
The new generation improved it. They walk in the middle, don't they? No.
What, would they do that? I've seen guys walk in the middle of those things. Oh, I've seen them, yeah.
Black dudes love to do it. First of all, it's called the Gravitron.
Yeah, yeah. Gravitron.
But now what it does, it tilts. Oh, yes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Before, back in my day, it never tilted.
No, now it goes sideways. It goes sideways and back, right? So, yeah, anyway.
There it is, Gravitron. But now what it does, it tilts.
Oh, yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Before, back in my day, it never tilted. No, now it goes sideways.
It goes sideways and back, right? So, yeah, anyway. There it is.
Gravitron. Gravitron.
Love this thing. You'll always see, there's a guy who's bold enough to get in the middle.
Yeah, there's always a nerd like that. Fuck around, yeah.
What's going on here? Yeah. Just, like, younger people know our podcast.
Yeah, I think. No, I mean, you know, it was, I'm talking middle school.
Why were middle school people there? I don't know, but it was like... My boss's son knows about us.
How old is your boss's son? Middle school. That's what I'm saying.
I had kids come up and go, can we get a Mr. Hey, Mr.
Well, if we have... If we have this kind of influence for middle schoolers...
Excuse me, Mr.? I go, yes, son. you mister Sure Where are your parents Fuck them Oh wow I go whoa A rebel I fuck you too mister Wow I go just take the photo quick Before I you know Yeah And that you know It's shocking to me that you know It's like I know It's a good thing It's good Play to the youth Play to the youth But how are they listening YouTube? Yeah we're on YouTube

Okay that's good

Yeah we're on YouTube

And we're on Spotify

And Apple Music

And we're everywhere

You can get podcasts

That's real good

That's really good

So you're Dean's

What?

What?

Son?

Whose son?

My manager's son

At work?

Yeah at work

She said like

Oh my son listens to your podcast

Oh wow

And what'd you say?

Like oh

Like how old is he?

And then she said like

Thank you. Yeah, at work she said like, oh, my son listens to your podcast.
Oh, wow. And what'd you say? Like, oh, like, how old is he? And then she said like 12 or 13.
Yeah, it's strange. And I was like, oh, is he? Is he Asian? No.
You're going to ask him, is he Asian? No, I was. Yeah.
He's. Is your manager Asian? Latina.
Latina, okay. That'd be a weird question to ask then man.
The first one was like, is he Latino? Yeah, first. And then Asian maybe next.
Anyway. God, you know, it must be so nice to not wear sunscreen.
I think whenever I just, it's unbelievable. Yeah.
It's my whole life. You look red right now.
I know. I was out in the sun.
I spent $600,000 last year on sunscreen. $600,000.

Yeah, $600,000.

$600,000.

SPF 100.

What's that there?

What is this?

Some really cool new commercial that just came out.

Oh, is it a brand new commercial out?

Yeah.

Let's see it.

Wait, I feel like this.

Hey, Sudha, what happened to your face?

You want 9X. Wow.
Finally. Wow.
Nine shades lighter. That's what it means.
That's awesome. We should get you some of that, Rude.
Yeah. I tried whitening skin.
You need 12X, I think. It doesn't work.
Kid's on fire today. So you tried what? I tried it and it doesn't work.
Wait, you've tried it?? Not that Another product A whitening cream? Yeah I bought like a whole set of like scrubbing And like the whitening soap And then the liquid thing This is terrible It's so terrible dude You have to be proud of who you are You gotta be proud of who you are I used to do it in the Philippines Because everyone was using it yeah well look at that guy look at that guy white fade yeah get yourself a white fade we have a white lady here she doesn't even know how good she has it yeah tell me yeah she just walks in and gets these white broads yeah yeah they get whatever they want whatever they want wow so not what 9x what do you think of that though of people that are brown wanting to be white. I get it in certain, like in India, it's a huge thing, right? Yeah.
It's a, it's a sign of class. Right.
And prestige or whatever. But why is that in the mentality of human beings? Well, this is a, we having a real conversation about it.
Colonizers. Yeah.
Yeah. It's colonization.
Colonizers. you no you're in our you're on a clan i'm one of the good ones yeah i got through i was at the cookout yeah yeah i don't like i think it's it's it's mind-boggling that this is a this is like a promoted this product probably i bet you they make a ton of money people use shit out of it.
What did you use when you were in the Philippines then? Gluta. I forgot.
Gluten-free? What? Something gluta. Gluta.
That is how you turn into a white person. You want to be gluten-free? It's like an orange soap.
Was it expensive? Gluta orange soap. Put that in.

Gluta orange soap.

And then you would rub it on your skin every day.

Yeah, every day.

It worked for other people.

You saw like, oh, Sabrina.

Like my friends.

They were so.

There it is.

That one.

The brightening.

Lemon.

Brightening lemon.

That one.

Kojic.

Yeah.

That one?

Yeah.

Both.

How much is it?

50 bucks.

Wow. On sugarbaby.co.

Yeah. You think that would make me disappear suicide yeah let's let's order that order some what are we gonna do with that i just i'm gonna use it on one hand you're you're pretty light dude yeah oh you think so you're very i'm very light okay i mean you're ethnic i'm pretty light you're very light i was thinking about that the other day one very light kind of uppity in that way you don't even look yellow you just look white thank you and that's the most that's compliment well maybe this will help yeah oh yeah brightening lemon lemon turmeric and kojic acid soap but it let's say you let's suppose let's see you there was a time machine yeah and you went to 16th century china no thanks i know but this is a scenario oh okay yeah okay i know where i when i okay so you're in 16th century you have you're confused right and there's peasants and that but if you ran into me be real would you think i was a part of like the you know i mean the empire like you know, like, you know what I mean, royal? Or would you think I was an immigrant?

Well, based on- Or like a peasant, I mean.

Based on your weight, I would think you're a superior-

Well, because they do say if you were a little chunky, that means you ate well and you had

money.

That's not a comp-

No, it's good.

No, no.

That's not an insult.

No, no.

I like it.

Right.

Like, I would be seen as a poor peasant because I'm thin and in shape.

They'd go, this is a poor peasant worker boy.

Oh, I see.

But you're rotund and they'd go, this guy eats well.

He is royalty.

He is clearly of some sort of hierarchy class.

Carlos, peasant boy.

Yeah.

Peasant boy.

I'd probably sound, I'd probably go, had all.

Oh my God, sexy.

I'm eating like bread.

No, a plum.

A plum.

You always have a plum.

Had all.

Mmm, little plum boy.

That's what they call it. I'd probably go, ha-da.
Oh, my God. Sexy.
I'm eating like bread. No, a plum.
A plum.

You always have a plum.

Ha-da.

Little plum boy.

That's what they call you.

Would you like to see my concubines?

Yeah.

My collection of concubines.

Yes, I would love to see them.

My little plum boy.

What about her if we ran into her?

Yes, royal.

Witch.

I like that.

Clear witch. Yeah, clear witch.
What are those photos? are those photos oh just looking up okay look at that one yeah put yeah push zoom it this is a rich guy in ancient china dude that's me there you are just a little bit more beard hair yeah yeah but that's genuinely you that's genuinely me i'd wear that hat and everything oh my god look right there the writing it says bob. It says Bobby Lee in the writing.
Yeah. Yeah.
That's beautiful. Wow.
That's beautiful. If you could take a time machine when would you go back to? Oh, that's interesting.
And I look like me? You're Bobby Lee right now. Oh, so Bobby Lee time machine.
And no one would know you in this past. I mean, this is you.
You're not you. My own.
I would not get in that time. There isn't an era that I want to go to.
This is the best my people have ever had it. But I think you, specifically, would thrive.
In what? In like the late 60s, early 70s. In America.
The cultural revolution. I'd be in San Francisco.
That's what I mean. Yeah, yeah.
I think you'd be like. I would just stand up.
Well, you'd be a musician. No, I see.
I think you'd be a musician. You'd be a super popular musician.
All right. Making like funk and fucking like intergalactic- You want to have a good time, baby, every day.
Yes. Right? See? Everybody peace.
Yes. Whoa, dude.
I think you would be an intergalactic electronica- Intergalactic love going down every day. Here's kind of a view.
That's me, dude. This is it.
That's me, dude. Every day.
Intergalactic love. Right? That's me, dude.
Johnny Pandora. That's me, dude.
Intergalactic. That guy gets no pussy, dude.
What do you mean? After that show? He goes on Malone at the hotel. What? Right? You don't think he gets pussy That's now though But in the 60s I don't know how that would play You would have crushed Late 60s early 70s I'm telling you The cultural revolution the hippie revolution in Northern California You would have been it man Why can't I just do shows with Lenny Bruce and do stand-up? It wouldn't have worked.
What? Why? I just don't know if... I just don't think referentially it would work.
My style. Yeah.
Your style's too... Too wild.
Too wild. Okay.
Like Lenny was like a beat poet. Yeah.
You have to be a musician to let your freak flag fly oh here let's go you're

in a jazz club let's hear some let's hear some uh comedic poetry

Mind reading I don't know

I've never

Desert

Hey baby I don't know. I've never...
Don't... Desert.
Hey, baby. Come down to the street.
Meet my parents. My cat, dog.
Liverpool. Sensual.
Sightings. See? It wouldn't work.
It just doesn't work. I literally...
Dude, I literally... I literally didn't know...
I don't even know what they sound like. That was I was trying to commit but I didn't know what the fuck I said Liverpool come down to the street how about you you do it no corporate white man killing us with their rules that's what that's good in their shoes cut your hair I don't care where do I need to be where I am.
Very good.

See, I would have been in.

That just sounds like the worst.

You and I.

We'd get eaten alive.

We wouldn't even go to that show.

It would have killed us.

We'd be like, boring.

Yeah, it would have been bad.

Show us your dick.

You think you'd show your butthole in the set?

Oh, imagine what would happen.

You'd get arrested.

Like with Lenny.

Yeah, you and Lenny.

He's like, what are you in for, man? Saying your truth? No, I showed my butthole to the audience. What, do you think you would like it or no? Nah.
You wouldn't like it? No. Wow.
He'd be like, hey, man, I'm at this hack in prison. I know, I'd be a hack.
Showing your butthole back then when he's doing his thing? But no Asian's ever done that before. Well, I guess that's breaking the mold.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, maybe you would be king shit back then.
Yeah. Because they were like, you can't believe this kid's wild, man.
He's just his butthole. Inside of his butthole.
He's insane. He's Asian.
Whoa. Whoa.
Sideways? Yeah. Wow.
Everybody turns their head when they see your butthole. Do you know anything about the beatnik era? No.
Yeah. And you don't know any of the music.
She didn't know who. Bob Dylan.
Last week we said Bob Dylan. Yeah, you don't know who Bob Dylan was, yeah.
Blew my mind. It blows my mind.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter.
You know, it's all going to go away. It's all going to go away.
I'm almost 53. You're going to be 53 soon, kiddo.
What do you want for your birthday, speaking of which? Well, remember what I got you? Yeah, I do. I got you a bunch of shit.
You got me a watch case and you got me a range finder. Yeah.
Very nice. Well, you didn't.
I mean, your assistant did. I got it for you.
Okay. So, you know, I've wrote all that, how much that is.
No, I have. Okay.
So I just want ballpark, whatever that is, you get me. How much did you spend? Grand.
You spent $1,000? Yeah. So whatever that ballpark, you get me whatever.
If it's like $1,000 worth of Kit Kats, get me Kit Kats. But I want all of it.
I got to be honest with you. I've already gotten you your gift.
It's at $1,000? It's a gift card to Panda Express for $1,000. That's great.
You're going to be going a lot. I'm good.

I love it.

Is that okay?

Yeah, because I love their Kung Pao chicken.

It's pretty good.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know my favorite thing to do, by the way, lately?

Should I have a party?

For your birthday?

A dinner.

No, you got to have a dinner.

Okay, should I have a dinner?

Yeah, we got to have a big dinner.

You know what we should do?

What?

Have a party. Well, I was going to say have a party here, but that's probably a bad idea.
No, I don't think 53 is a milestone. I think when I do my 60, I'll do a big one.
Buddy, you're not. You're not going to make it 60? No, yes, you will.
No, 53 is big, man. Okay.
It's an angel number. 53 is the smallest prime number that does not divide in the order of any sporadic group Oh here's what I want to talk to you about This is what I want to You got me in a conundrum Well it sounds like it You got me in one Go ahead It's the pressure of doing a special now Yeah he texted me this guy He texted me and he says I don't like this pressure.
I said, what pressure are you talking about? I said, don't push. Let it go.
You know, let it happen on its own. Well, they came to this club.
Yeah. They didn't come to the club.
They came and they're like, we need to sit down with you. What do we need to talk about? Like where it's going to be, what we expect it, what it to look like.
You know what I mean? This and that. It just made it so fucking real.

There is no pressure.

Okay.

It's also not for a holy calendar year.

Okay, that's right.

And you know what?

What?

You're prepared.

I'm ready.

You're ready.

Yeah, yeah.

You deserve it.

I deserve it.

People deserve it.

But here's why I fucked up.

I should have done one in the long time.

That's right.

Do you know why?

Because I've held out this long,

I feel like there's way more expectation on it.

No.

Is that not true?

No?

Probably.

No.

Oh, thank you, Carlos.

You don't think so?

Carlos, you are such a fucking...

You're a piece of shit.

I mean, it's the truth, dude.

No!

Yeah, yeah.

You know what?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is good.

This is good.

This is good. No, no.
Really. Right.
People don't Right people don't believe It's gonna happen Right Well I signed the contract Sure But America doesn't Do you think I can pull out Am I You sure could How could you not It's a year away They haven't paid you a dime You don't get paid Until you shoot it So if they didn't give you Any money You can always leave Okay Which you should not do I'm gonna do it People are excited for you to do i 100 want to do it what do you think you might call your special my first special perfect why can't it be i just said perfect or first time no i think what you just said was good my first my first special yeah but when posters show up people will be like oh this is gonna be a big deal well you know what you should call it my last special that's funny that's actually fun my last special my last special yeah that's it yeah my last special thank you so good with words yeah i'm smart you're very smart thank you what do you guys think of that i like it you like it my last special yeah ask the foreigner and the lunatic or dumpling what dumpling What? Dumpling. It says the fucking porg.

He looks like a space bird.

All right, let's talk.

When you also called me,

you said you want me to help you buy a new car.

And I said, we got to do it.

We got to get you a new car.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I need a new car.

So let's take an audience vote.

Let's have the audience write in

what they think Bobby should be driving now.

Genuinely.

And based on the audience,

truly, we'll do a poll.

And whatever they pick, you got to buy it. Does that sound fun? Well, I like the one i have right now what's what do i have right now you have a hyundai a genesis a genesis hyundai no no just a genesis you just need a lot of car rails you know like a a tank what was the car you just had a lamborghini he's not gonna buy a fucking lamborghini and then you said a mercedes what you said you wanted a luxury car I said you either do BMW or Mercedes you want a luxury branded car but then I said if you wanted but you want a sedan or an SUV I want a small little sports car yeah he said a sports car so I was trying to pick what's a good little sports car for him so audience at home what's a good little like a Honda S2000 that's fun yeah but I, but I want something that's...
How appropriate would it be for you to have a Rice Rocket? Like lower it and all that stuff? Just like a little... Yeah, wouldn't that be so cool? That'd be cool.
I'd love that. Look up a Honda S2000.
When I was young, I thought this was the coolest fucking car on earth. Look at that thing.
That's cute. That? I love that thing.
But I don um i don't like the um what when it's convertible oh you don't want a drop top no i want i want a real top a hard top give me a hard top one you wouldn't want a drop top car i don't like drop top you don't want your beautiful hair wait i hate it in the wind no no it's gonna break what do you mean it's gonna break i'm gonna not know how to do it and it's gonna rain and all of a sudden oh right well that you'll leave the roof open 100 that is a fact that how fun is that that's cool how much is that well they don't make them anymore these are old they're this is from from the early 2000s oh fuck you can bid on this one for 27 grand but is there a they don't make new ones of those no i don't think there's any new honda s2000 mean they make something like it I imagine now the Genesis I have that's not a Hyundai Hyundai is the parent company okay it's Genesis give me a Genesis a brand new Genesis to see what they look like maybe I'll get a Genesis you can do Genesis is Hyundai's like luxury brand okay right there you go you're in the G70 right now I'm not going to mad at last time no don't mad no don't mad at it look at all tonight that's a slick car man that's pretty good not that one that's a hyundai bud just write genesis not hyundai dude get hyundai out of there just genesis and then what's that i like that that's what you have that's the smaller one of what you have okay go to the website for genesis we're gonna kill most of this anyway yeah we'll kill it hold on i just want to see which ones might look at that's fly that's fly dude that's a g80 and it's electric do you want electric i don't want electric no you want gas good for you man i like gas what's that magma shmegma that's the shmegma the all-new hyundai shmegma what is under your skin okay good i'm gonna get that maybe you know where hyundai is made korea korea yeah so we korean car i'm gonna get a korean car foolish for you to not yeah you know why i drive german cars right why well exactly yeah because you're because you're italian yeah that's right okay yeah because i can't afford italian car yeah i got or mars or something i had bug bites all over my lake in the mid, there was this thing going on. This is so gross.
We have cicadas.

You know what cicadas are?

I love them.

No, you don't know, do you?

Nope.

This is so wild.

Only people that know.

Cicadas are these things that come out.

Are they like- Look at this.

That's what they fucking look like.

Oh my God.

Alien looking.

Wait, this is weird.

You've never-

You don't know cicadas.

Yeah, they are alien.

They live underground for like-

Oh my God, look at that thing.

Seven years.

Seven years, they come out every-

No, is it more than that?

Isn't it?

I think it's seven.

Weren't there so much cicadas during early summer? Where? Not here. We don't have cicadas.
No, not here. Somewhere.
Well, all over the country. But look, two to seven years, they bury themselves underground.
Look, tell me this is not fucking... I'm listening to you.
This is dinosaur alien shit. I love it.
Then every two or seven years, they just come back out and they breed and they de-shell. So these little shells of their body are left all over the place.
And they breed and they make this like, do a cicada noise when they're all together. It's like this, no, it's like a hum though because there's so many.
It's so alien. Do the sound of it.
Do YouTube cicada sound. So back home, they're everywhere.

And then they bury and they leave these like little mites and shit in their eggs.

And then they bite you.

Oh, shit.

Yeah, they're gross.

You got lime disease?

I got limes.

I got orange disease, too.

Look at my hair.

Here, hold on.

Listen.

It literally sounds like running water all day.

And you can just see them flying around all day. Listen how loud that is.
Wow. But you know what's even scary noise? Huh? Have you heard of the trumpets? Little tiny trumps? No.
Oh. No.
Yeah. Oh.
Eric and Barron.

You know what I'm saying though?

Eric Barron. Jim said it's very good people.

Very good people on both sides.

No, so in these, no, I'm telling you,

in remote places where there's no city,

no planes, nothing, right?

The sound of angelic trumpets.

What are you talking about?

Look it up then.

Angelic trumpets in remote areas? Remote areas, yeah. Strange sounds are being heard around the world.
This is from six years ago, it says. Now go to the first comment.
It's fake. They're all fake.
It's fake. They're all fake.
Who says that? Everybody. All the videos are saying it's fake.
What about the Appalachian Mountains? Here we go, maybe that. What's happening with the Appalachian? What's going on with Appalachian? Right now? No, I don't know how to pronounce it, but...
Appalachian Mountains. Appalachia? Appalachia.
Yeah, we got you the first time. Yeah, we fucking...
God God. God, get her some of that white cream.
But on TikTok, they're saying like, it's really like the lore on that is really scary. And like, you hear like voices when you hike.
Oh, up in the Appalachian mountain range. Yeah.
Yeah, they do say that they're very haunted. That I have heard.
My dad, that's where my dad's from. Seriously.
they do say that the appalachian mountains are home to a lot of ghostly haunted seriously no that and you know where that you know what they think most of those people are civil war uh whoa that's that's insane i think that they've it's just the souls have a treated retreated to the mountain range can you you imagine if they won? Oh, I wouldn't be here. What a dream.
So good. You don't really mean that.
No. There is this post I saw that Bobby liked.
What did you like? No women. What is this? No women, no alcohol, no drugs, no smoking, no party, no entertainment, no video games, no distractions, no fast food, no hookups, no scrolling, no Netflix, no junk food, no negative people.
This place is something different. They removed everything that's not making men grow.
When you enter the... So no Bobby Lee? That's everything you.

That's all you.

First of all,

how do you know that I liked it?

It says it right there,

liked by Bobby Lee.

I know, but stop doing that.

That's so private.

It's so intrusive.

Instagram shows what you like.

But don't look.

I see what you like all the time.

I know, but don't look.

Don't look and don't like.

How?

If the thing comes up in my...

Yeah, but don't bring it up.

It's so personal.

Yeah, I like that.

I want that. I want to be there.
Well, let's go let's go yeah yeah i want a place where i can just kind of detach and just you know i mean i know you're laughing mccone because you're not my a you're young vibrant you got your whole life in front of me but i have baggage i have things that i'm dealing with all right what else i time this does look great the bali time chamber Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are there other things that I like that you've seen what else does he like I mean I no it doesn't show you what you like how'd you know that I like that one because it popped up on my algorithm and it said liked by Bobby Lee but why is it in your algorithm you're in my algorithm because we're all together I see shit that you like all the time okay I see shit that he likes all the time and it's fucking scary scary it suggests stuff to me and I'm like no thank you the one who was like build your own glory hole at home wow why would you need that why would you need that yeah oh here's this Asian woman who sells houses for single people love this woman house folder single, she's speaking English.
What? Oh my, I just got that. Do it again.

House for the single.

Oh, house for, oh, I literally thought you were speaking Chinese.

Did you?

It says it right there.

I know, I was just watching her and watching the house, actually.

No, because.

Wow.

Can I ask you something about that?

I thought about buying that.

Like a little single man?

Yeah, but where do you put it? I mean, where would you put it? Yeah. Probably in the front yard of your current home.
Just have two houses. It's a tiny little thing.
It's like a little... Right, yeah, but to get one of those, do you have to buy land and then put that on the land? I would imagine this is in a community, in a tiny home community where they all are, or you have to find a place to put it.
Would that be interesting, huh? huh do you want to do that to buy a little land and get three of those things but then connect them oh oh for friends yeah it'd be fun no or you could just live in a house a regular house all right rudy if you have nothing else to contribute right now um if you have nothing else that's burning inside of you that you need to get off your chest well we moved houses i know it makes me so sad wait what do you mean like we're not in the current house anymore where are you guys farther where away from me away from here away from los angeles you moved out of la good that's fine do you like is it a bigger or smaller room?

It's about the same But the drive to here is really far

Oh wow, I'm sorry

Alright, so you moved and it's okay

You like it

I like it a lot

Have you decorated your room?

No, I'm too tired

That makes perfect sense

Well, take us out

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Perfect.

Perfect. Yeah.
Woo.