Skibidi, Slay, Purr

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 So, anyway, um, let's start with uh

Speaker 2 start with love. Well, let her start the show.
Go ahead, Rudy. Start the show.

Speaker 1 Hello, everyone.

Speaker 1 Komosta.

Speaker 1 Hi.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Talk to the audience.

Speaker 1 How are you guys? I'm Jules or Rudy or whatever you want to call me.

Speaker 1 And this is Tito Bobby.

Speaker 1 This is Tito Andrew.

Speaker 1 And over there, we have Carlos, Andres, and Mico.

Speaker 2 They know the show.

Speaker 2 What we want is go into some of our biography. So just where he was born and the family.

Speaker 2 And then me too.

Speaker 1 Okay, we'll start with Tito Andrew. Tito Andrew is from Irish, Ireland.

Speaker 2 Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 He's

Speaker 1 38 years old.

Speaker 2 Sure.

Speaker 1 Sure. They moved to the U.S.
when he was eight years old. What city? In Ireland? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What city? Where are my family from in Ireland?

Speaker 1 Chicago.

Speaker 2 Chicago, Ireland.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 1 Chicago Island. Where the bear is?

Speaker 2 Yeah, where the bear is. The bear is.
Yes. The football team.
No. She's talking about my mom.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait, Andres. Congrats on Espana.

Speaker 2 No, boo. I don't want to eat you.
We're not doing that. We're not doing that.
Yeah, yeah. Let's go back to the biography.

Speaker 1 Tito Andrew has a cute dog.

Speaker 2 He does.

Speaker 1 He has.

Speaker 2 What's his name?

Speaker 1 Name is.

Speaker 2 You got it.

Speaker 1 Name is Curly Tops.

Speaker 2 Curly Tops. Curly Tops.
I love Curly Tops. Curly Tops.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go over to Tito Babby.

Speaker 1 Tito Babi is from North Korea. Yes.

Speaker 2 That's true. Obviously.

Speaker 1 And he moved to the U.S. when he was 10 years old.

Speaker 2 11. Oh, 11 years old.
11 years old.

Speaker 1 With his brother

Speaker 1 and his

Speaker 2 abusive father. Abusive father.

Speaker 2 I like the fist.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then he got famous over a video where he got hit by a Down syndrome boy.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 2 That's right. That's right.
You think that's where we're freaking? Isn't that funny? That is how he got famous.

Speaker 1 Well, that's what TikTok.

Speaker 2 Or TikTok. Yeah, TikTok.
That is true.

Speaker 2 They should call TikTok facts.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The facts channel or whatever. Tick facts.
Yeah, tick facts. Quick facts on TikToks.

Speaker 2 How about Carlos? Where is he from?

Speaker 2 Ooh. Mexico.
Mexico.

Speaker 2 What city in Mexico do you know?

Speaker 1 Mexico City.

Speaker 2 Mexico City, Mexico.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I don't know how he's that white, but yeah, whitewashing.

Speaker 2 You know what Michael Jackson did at the end? That's what he's been doing. He's been bleaching his skin, which is not okay.

Speaker 2 We can say it. This podcast will come out significantly afterwards, but congratulations to Espana

Speaker 2 in the Euro Cup.

Speaker 2 It was kind of, it pissed me off. It really pissed me off so much.

Speaker 2 You wanted the British to win that way. I did, because

Speaker 2 it was in the 60s. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You guys always win. Everybody wanted England to win that game.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Spain wanted England to win.

Speaker 2 It's been 50 years. How can I say this?

Speaker 2 Just in terms of players, I think England has the best players right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Obviously not.
And don't give us a Spain

Speaker 2 flag emoji. And we won Wimbledon too.

Speaker 2 That is true. That's true.
That is even more heartbreaking. What's going on over there? What's up with these Spanish players really showing up? I think we all was there.
No.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something. When you guys went to Africa and stole all those black people,

Speaker 2 and you're putting them on the ship.

Speaker 2 No, it was you guys, you guys invented that.

Speaker 2 Am I not right?

Speaker 2 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, why did you push them in the middle of the ocean? And, you know, if they were a little sick or whatever. What was that for? What was that all about? Testing.

Speaker 2 You're testing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you thought you heard a stereotype. Exactly.
Right. And you were like, maybe it's wrong.
Well, Well,

Speaker 2 was there a control to your experiment? You had to have a control. Yeah.
Can Spaniards swim? Most of them. Yeah.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I've never seen a Spanish.

Speaker 1 Don't forget the Filipinos.

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, that's right. Spain went to...

Speaker 2 Yeah, what's up with the colonizing, dude? Yeah, what happened down there? You know what's so funny? That should be that country's slogan. Don't forget the Filipinos.
Philippines. Don't forget.

Speaker 2 What did you see at Sinespia last night, McCone? I saw Midsummer. So So great.
Yeah. Have you ever seen a movie in the, we talked about this on the show.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen a movie in the cemetery in the summer?

Speaker 2 No. Oh, my God.
It's the best. I bombed there once at a show.

Speaker 2 You did that live show there? Yeah. Oh, I said no way.
And I bombed so bad, I was like, I can never come back to the Sarah Cemetery. You died as hard as those that are in the middle of the day.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It was, I think.
Yeah. It's one of the coolest venues I think.
That's it? Yeah. It's one of these pieces of L.A.
that people don't know unless you're a local, and it's beautiful.

Speaker 2 It's great. And you gather around.
I watched Killbill 1 and 2 last time I was was there. You know what? Let's watch a movie there.

Speaker 2 What's next? Well, let's see. Bring up the calendar.
Oh, there you go. There you go.
Empire Records,

Speaker 2 Bridesmaids, True Romance, La Bamba,

Speaker 2 The Nightmare Before Chris. Yeah, there's six left.
Yeah, I would do True Romance. Go up a little bit more.
No, let's go see La Bamba. Dude, La Bamba's great.
It's so good. I had a dream too, Richie.

Speaker 2 That's the only line I remember from that. Hey, say, say,

Speaker 2 Let me hear you say that.

Speaker 2 Have you heard of Richie Valley? God, you are tonight. You You never heard that song before.

Speaker 2 It's not like that. It's para bailar la bamba.
Don't fucking correct us. If you correct a host again, I don't know.
I can't continue. You stepped on

Speaker 2 five times.

Speaker 2 You're talking shit when Bobby walked in. Oh, is it.

Speaker 2 I thought they were just going, bala, bala, bada, baba, ba. I guess they're not.
Well, look, they're saying something, but who gives a shit? Yeah, yeah. So, para ba la la la bamba.

Speaker 2 And how awful does that sound? Parabaelar la bamba. Necesitita unapoca te crashia.
Say it the way that you know it. What? Say it the way you know it.
I was just doing it. No, the way you know it.

Speaker 2 Better.

Speaker 2 Better.

Speaker 2 Better song. Yeah.
It's more familiar. Creating a panga.
Right. Right?

Speaker 2 What do you think?

Speaker 2 That's it. That's a better version.
Yeah, I want to buy that record. Yeah.
Or what about this classic? Udana.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 What fucking song is that? I don't know what that is. Yeah, that's a fucking Richie Valent song.
Oh, you're fucking.

Speaker 2 I do the O really long. It's way longer.
Yeah, yeah, I love it. Oh,

Speaker 2 Donna.

Speaker 2 It's such a great song. It's a white girl, Donna.

Speaker 2 And their love wasn't permitted because of racial tensions. And that's what's gross about this country, man.
And we're changing it one step at a time. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
One step at a time.

Speaker 2 We're trying. Oh, Donna.

Speaker 2 Have you heard that song? No. No, she doesn't.

Speaker 2 I had a girl.

Speaker 2 Donna

Speaker 2 was her name. Dun dun dun dun.
Since she left me,

Speaker 2 I've never been the same. Dun dun dun.

Speaker 2 Cause I love. Yeah, whatever.
You got it. Yeah, yeah.
But guess what? You know how he died? How?

Speaker 2 Guess. Tragedy.
Guess. Guess the tragedy, how he died.
Like, uh. You're psychic.
We know you're going to get it right the first time.

Speaker 1 Like, like, who's that rock star? The fate Elvis Presley, that's right, he died on a toilet, yeah, yeah, because he was too constipated.

Speaker 1 That way, same.

Speaker 2 You're saying that many, many years before Elvis died,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 So, Elvis is a hack, he stole it, he stole the death, yeah. I want to dine a toilet, I'm gonna die on a toilet.

Speaker 2 Somebody give me a pin-button sandwich. Wow, I'm gonna die on a toilet,

Speaker 2 Richie Valence died on a toilet. It was a tragedy because

Speaker 2 it's awful. Not only did they, it took three huge acts.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's like Radiohead, Billie Eilish.

Speaker 2 Back then. Taylor Swift.
And Taylor Swift dying on one plane crash. Imagine the tragedy.
Crazy. Crazy.

Speaker 2 Was it the Big Bopper? Big Bopper. Yeah.
And

Speaker 2 the guy with the glasses. You got it.

Speaker 2 Come on. Fuck, what's his name? The guy with the glasses.
Give me the first name. No.

Speaker 2 Give me the first initial.

Speaker 2 B.

Speaker 2 Benny Hooligan. No.
Benny Hooligan.

Speaker 2 Give me the last

Speaker 2 initial. Z.
That's not that.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's B either, you fucking liar. What is it? The song is...
It's BH. I just said that.

Speaker 2 The song is like. It's BH.
Every day.

Speaker 2 Look a little closer. I gave him a ring.

Speaker 2 Going down a road. Look coaster.
Come on. Love like that.
We'll take a look. Buddy Holly.
There it is. Buddy Holly, I got it.

Speaker 2 I got it. Buddy Holly.
But so Big Bopper, Richie Valens, and Buddy Holly died in one plane.

Speaker 2 And back then, they were like huge. Spirit Airlines.
It was Spirit Airlines. Yeah, yeah.
Even back then, it was good. Even back there wasn't good.
Yeah, yeah. Allegiant, maybe.
Allegiant.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. It's crazy.
Well, speaking of dead celebrities, and thank God we didn't call them out, because sometimes we call people dead on the show.

Speaker 2 Richard Simmons died, and right after Shelly Duvall died, like back-to-back. No, Shannon Doherty died.

Speaker 2 What? Today? Not next. Or last night or something.
Wait, are you fucking kidding me? Bro. Yeah, it's just been about.

Speaker 2 You got three, though, yesterday, right? She's your age. This week.
I know, 53. God, that's awful, dude.

Speaker 2 What is going on? What do you mean? Richard Simmons. I know.
He died cancer as well. I guess we're all going to get it.
And you just got to hope it's an easy one.

Speaker 2 Or one that doesn't hurt a lot. And with the butthole kind.

Speaker 2 You're working on it. Yeah, yeah.
Your diet. I know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I met him once. My dad had prostate cancer, which is good because you beat it if you find it quick.
Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he was a lovely man.

Speaker 2 Skin cancer. Oh, he had skin cancer.
Yeah. Well, you know, but he has that skin, you know, he's played out in the sun too much, I think.
He played in the sun is such a funny way to say that.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? He's playing out in the sun too much. Like he's a nine-year-old.
He's doing all that in the sun. He's dancing in the sun.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not good for the skin.
It can't be.

Speaker 2 Well, it depends on who you are. Yeah.
But he was a lovely man. What? If you're a white.
Yeah, whites, we're not. All All right, you fucking

Speaker 2 Filipino bastard. No, she's right.
We're not supposed to be in the sun.

Speaker 2 We're supposed to be inside, and you're supposed to be outside in the fields.

Speaker 2 I get it back out there.

Speaker 2 No, but

Speaker 2 what a bad skin. It's awful.
What about it? It's awful. Darker-skinned people are less, what did you just bring up? Are less likely to experience sunburn.
No shit.

Speaker 2 No shit. Google can black people be in the sun longer.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Fucking Carlos.

Speaker 2 By the way, it is funny. When EP came over to my house and we were outside and he was like, give me some sunscreen.
And I was like, Come on,

Speaker 2 you're black. I need it.
Oh, really? That's like stealing oxygen from somebody who's like, who has like COVID? You know what I mean? Like taking their tank at the hospital. I need it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't need any sunscreen. Can I ask a

Speaker 2 brink. I mean, look at this.
Sensitive question. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I want to be able to approach it in a very, you know,

Speaker 2 non-racist way.

Speaker 2 Okay. I want to be delicate here.
Yeah, dance lightly. Oh, very lightly.
You know,

Speaker 2 I've been on a beach.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you've been on beaches. I'm a beach guy.

Speaker 1 No, you're not.

Speaker 2 Just for the story. Okay.
Right. She's right.
You've been to a beach. Hawaii.
You go to the beach. I've been to a lot of beaches.
And that's the truth. I've been on beaches with you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you hate being there.

Speaker 2 I know, but I'm still.

Speaker 2 I didn't say I love being there. I said I've been on them.
That's what we share in common. I hate them.
Dude, I love you so much, dude. I have zero.
Why am I there? Yeah. I'll just go to the pool.

Speaker 2 Why am I there? Yeah. I just don't like sand in any of my cracks.
And it gets in all your cracks. And you have a lot of cracks.
I have more cracks. I have triple craps.

Speaker 2 I have triple cracks than most humans

Speaker 2 that care about where you're cracked up. I'm cracked up.

Speaker 2 Anyway, let's go sensitive. Thanks for the humor there.
I appreciate it.

Speaker 2 I've been on the beach before and I've seen, you know, African Americans. Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 At at the beach. At the beach, which is great.
No,

Speaker 2 come on. What are you saying? You've seen them at the beach, yes.
But I've seen them put the oil, suntan, you know. Sun tan lotion or sun or oil?

Speaker 2 Sun tanning lotion. Sun tanning lotion.
Yeah, yeah. Right.
And then they lay out, you know.

Speaker 2 And I'm talking about like Del Rolindo Black. You know, I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 Go ahead and finish that. I'm going to try, dude.
I'm talking about Samuel L. Jackson Black.
Right? Successful. Yeah, no, yeah.
Successful, great got people, spiritual, no,

Speaker 2 no, like, umbrella, no umbrella, just out in the sun, right? Yeah, and I always think to myself, and this is, and here's where the racism might be construed as, um, what's the point?

Speaker 2 What you doing? I always want to go, what you doing? Well, what, what, what, catching some beautiful vitamin D. Oh, is that what it is? That's just a little bit of vitamin D.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's all I wanted to hear. And thank you so much for cleaning that up.
Thank you. Just a little bit of vitamin D.
I'll tell you, though. What's What's so funny? Nothing.

Speaker 2 Have you ever thought that?

Speaker 1 No, never.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I'm the only one in this room that has thought that.
Look at me. Yeah.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Are you being fucking real right now? Why would I? I've never thought it, though. I just literally just thought of it now.

Speaker 2 In your mind, you go to the beach and you see a black person at the beach and you go, get out of here.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, no. You say, no, no, no.
Hey, you get out of here. No, I just want to go up to them and go and just go, hi.

Speaker 2 Right. And they're like, What are you doing? What? What's up, man? Yeah.
Yeah. What you doing?

Speaker 2 That's all. And then they're going, yo, man, I'm tanning.
I'll be like, okay, have a nice day. I mean, that's all.
Tanning complete.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Full tan.
Yeah. You're 33? 33 years ago.

Speaker 2 Or whatever. You know what I mean? But, you know, first of all, this comes from a place of humor and jealousy, okay?

Speaker 2 Because I can't be out in the sun for more than five fucking seconds without it hurting. It hurts.
I'm in pain right now. I think I have a mini sunburn on the side of my neck.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you look red, dude. I took out the trash.

Speaker 2 I take out the trash.

Speaker 2 I fried. It's disgusting.

Speaker 2 I belong in a basement, in a windowless basement, programming on the dark web.

Speaker 2 Can I ask a theoretical question? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What if, though?

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm putting, you know, I'm doing my Bill Nye here, dude. I see it.
You see my Bill Nye? You are a scientist.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What if blackness is infinite? Well, black people are infinite. No forever.
The color black.

Speaker 2 You can get blacker and black.

Speaker 2 And at some point, it gets so black, right? It just looks all black, right? But it gets blacker, you know what I mean? Scientifically. And what are you saying? I don't know.
I'm just... But I.

Speaker 2 What? I'm just... It's a theoretical question.
Can we ask Neil deGrasse Tyson? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I blocked.
Is black

Speaker 2 Vanta black absorbs 99.96? That's what they're trying to get Vanta Black, is what I'm trying.

Speaker 2 Maybe black people are trying to get Vanta Black. In the next Black Panther movie, if Vanta Black isn't a superhero, that's a character.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Vanta Black.
Yeah. It's a beautiful.

Speaker 2 I mean, look at

Speaker 2 that. Dude, look at that.
Gorgeous. Yeah.
What's my favorite color on it?

Speaker 2 Black is the best. Black is the best color.
Yeah. It looks the best on ever.
Look at that. It's Vanta Black.
That's so black. I've never even heard of that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You've never heard of Vanta Black? No. Zoom in.
Zoom in on that. Dude, Zoom in.
Oh, my God. Wait, wait, zoom into the original, the Vanta Black, the guy holding it?

Speaker 1 It looks edited.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it looks funny. It's like edited black.
Wait, zoom in a little bit. You can hear it.
Listen. Hey, motherfucker.
All right.

Speaker 2 Keep that in. You got to keep that in.
That's funny. That's funny.
It's funny. It's a fucking teaser.
Anyway, Jesus Christ. I went to the San Diego Zoo once.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 And I learned that rhinos also get sunburned. Rhino.
Oh, they do. Yes, they do.
And they get into

Speaker 2 mud. Mud to protect their skin.
So I never thought that a rhino would get sunburned. How does an animal born in the sun not like how is that not progressed? They can get sunburned.

Speaker 2 They're like one of the only ones that can. Whoa.

Speaker 2 What are the animals in the animal kingdom that can get sunburned? I think all of them.

Speaker 2 No. Theoretically, all of them.
Lions can't. There's so much fur.

Speaker 2 Just as clothing and shade protects against a good... Pigs.

Speaker 2 Pigs get sunburned. Hippopotamus, warthogs.
Oh, cute. A little sunburnt.
By the way, a little sunburnt pig. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 How cute. A little bacon in in the air.
Little guanchale. Huh? Yeah.
By the way, I had.

Speaker 2 You had guanchale? I had guanciale the other night. That's great.
Oh, my God. Is it good? It's so hard to eat a pig because look at them.
Look at how rad they are. But boy, oh boy.

Speaker 2 Is that a sunburned pig? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, oh,

Speaker 2 oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It looks like Litson.

Speaker 2 I have a question. Okay, here we go.
This is the good part of the shot. Okay.
I can't wait.

Speaker 1 Since there's like a deregatory name for black people,

Speaker 2 what about man, is it Sunday today?

Speaker 2 It's Sunday. It's the Lord's Day.

Speaker 1 I'm just asking, what about for white people? That's

Speaker 1 like really, really bad.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 we haven't come up with the best one, but I'll give you some of them. We're still trying.
Yeah, yeah. Cracker.
That's.

Speaker 2 I'm just telling you, right? It's tough because I love Ritzcrackers. They're so good.

Speaker 2 White Devil. Is that one? Yeah.
Yeah, White Devil. Honky.
Honky is one.

Speaker 2 Colonizer.

Speaker 2 Colonizer, yeah.

Speaker 2 Bitch ass. Bitch ass.
We get bitch ass, don't we? No, you get bitch ass.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm just telling you, that's what happens.

Speaker 2 But if you're, yeah. He says it so.
It's just, there's no filter. And he says it like you would say French fries.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 There's a term.

Speaker 1 It's W-I-G-G-A.

Speaker 2 Wigga. Wigga.
Wigger is that can you say that or that's a positive I think no well I think that's a positive

Speaker 2 I think that's a positive I put this in my first special I used to kids used to call me a wigger all the time when I was a kid I got made fun of a lot because I wanted to wear yeah I wanted to wear clothing that all my black friends wore so people made fun of me a lot and said that okay yeah may I build Bill Knight real quick right um

Speaker 2 just as a scientist and this is not it has nothing to do with race um

Speaker 2 What does soap do?

Speaker 2 Yeah, that doesn't have anything to do with race. You set it up like it was going to.

Speaker 2 Wait, what does soap do? I mean, I was bacteria on your skin. You know, I was in the shower last night using soap, lathering it.
But in my mind, I'm like, what is it doing?

Speaker 2 Well, look, dude, there's parts of the world that don't have access to soap, and they get just as clean by water on their skin. Yeah, so it's washing off dead skin bacteria that can just build up.

Speaker 2 But you don't need it. Not really.

Speaker 2 I mean, dude, we use it for

Speaker 2 we use it for germs. You need it if you're touching something that's bacterially.

Speaker 2 You're touching raw chicken, you need to wash your hands. Right.
Because you don't spread disease. But in the Philippines, you guys use soap? I mean, for the most.
Is that terrible?

Speaker 2 That's a legitimate question. We have soap in the Philippines.
No.

Speaker 2 That's not. Hold that.
Stop. Stop.
Of course. What are you talking about? No, of course.
They do. What are you? I've been there.
I use soap there.

Speaker 2 Do you guys have Irish Spring? No, it's called mud. But anyway.

Speaker 2 No. Harold, look this up.

Speaker 2 Is that a bad question? No, it's legitimate. I think it's a legitimate question.
Well,

Speaker 2 this is a forever, never-ending race. This is a race thing that I've talked to about many black friends.

Speaker 2 White people don't use washcloths. Do you use washcloths? Washcloths.
Wow, you don't use washcloth either.

Speaker 2 What do you use? I might be one of the only whites I know that uses a washcloth. What is a washcloth, though?

Speaker 2 A little tiny towel in the shower that you use soap to get the reaches of your body, not just soap in your hand. You use for your back.

Speaker 2 Well, I use.

Speaker 2 another joke. White people don't wash their legs.

Speaker 2 Have you ever wash your legs? No, see, white people don't wash their legs. Wow.
Yeah. So I use one of those

Speaker 2 loofs, but love the long ones. What do you call them? A loofah.
But not the spongy kind. There's a loofah on the

Speaker 2 long sheet kind.

Speaker 2 And I put the soap on it. That's a washcloth.
And I do the. That's not a washcloth.
What? Is it cloth? No. Are you washing with it? It's not cloth at all.

Speaker 2 It's what do you call that? Loofah. Sponge.
It's not even a sponge. It's the blue.

Speaker 2 It's like plastic. It's like a...
Plastic? No, look it up.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 What are you fucking talking about?

Speaker 2 I don't know what you call it. Hold on.
Washcloth blue thing? No, it's not that. It's.

Speaker 2 Bob, where do you think?

Speaker 2 The fourth one. That one.
The color ones.

Speaker 2 Rainbow color ones.

Speaker 2 Like a microfiber test. No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I have that.

Speaker 2 I have that.

Speaker 2 What? It says washcloth right on it, you fuckhead. Nylon washcloth, loofah towel.
It's all the same thing.

Speaker 2 The fuck? Come on. That's a washcloth.
It's a cloth that. There's no cloth in it.
What are you saying? Cloth is just a term for a fucking woven material.

Speaker 2 That shirt is cloth. It's like this is a metallic chicken.
If it's a regular chicken, it's not a fucking. I mean, what are you talking about? Is it a metal chicken? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, that's a washcloth. It's not a future metal chicken, dude.
It's like a fucking chicken, dude. You can't just use a fucking word and then

Speaker 2 have it not be that fucking element. It's a washcloth.
There's no cloth in it, dude.

Speaker 2 It is a broad term for

Speaker 2 something in the shower you use to wash other parts of your body. Oh, so it's not made out of cloth.
Fuck. It doesn't have to be.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It's a washcloth. Nylon.
It's a nylon washcloth. That's what I use.

Speaker 2 That's what I use all the nylon. I think it's like two minutes of this.
But you know what I do, though? What? I just, if people want to know my ritual,

Speaker 2 okay?

Speaker 2 I take two soaps.

Speaker 2 So I lay it down on the,

Speaker 2 you know, I have a nice little shower. I know you do.
You know what I mean? And I, I, I, I do two, so I do, I get like a body wash, you know, like an axe.

Speaker 2 Really? You're an axe guy? No, a ghetto axe. Then I put a high-end in it.
Oh. And I mix the moistures and the smells.
A little science experiment. A little science experiment.
You are Bill Nye. I am.

Speaker 2 I'm still Bill Nye right now. Beautify.

Speaker 2 And I really get in there. So do you do that? And I, but the first thing I do is my legs.
Yeah. I do, I always do legs and

Speaker 2 but that's also because I when I sweat and work out my legs get sweaty. I get sweaty legs.

Speaker 1 Do you immediately shower when you work after you work out?

Speaker 2 Yeah, man, I cannot stand not, I don't like sweat on my skin.

Speaker 1 Okay, I noticed in Soul Cycle and I noticed you go to Soul Cycle with that tele.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. I didn't know you do that.

Speaker 1 And I noticed mostly white girls after

Speaker 1 the workout, they dry their underwear in the that's disgusting.

Speaker 2 What's it called?

Speaker 1 The air dryer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the air dryer thing.

Speaker 2 What? They dry out their panties in a fucking... What do you mean, what's it called? A hair hand dryer.
The hand dryer. Yeah, I mean, you know what it's called? Well, they might not have it.

Speaker 2 It's not the worst thing. Sorry, my bad.
In the Philippines, you wash your hands and you just go like, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. So they wash their, they dry their panties in there? That's so fucking gross.
Go home and shower.

Speaker 1 That's what I noticed.

Speaker 2 These white girls, man.

Speaker 2 These white girls are gross. You know what's hot? What? The other other day, I was in my.
He's inside the hair dryer.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 The other day, I found some female underwear in my bedroom. I don't know who it's from, but it was kind of cool.
Were you sniffing it? You did, you little pig. You sniffed it, didn't you?

Speaker 2 Is that wrong? I mean, it's in your house. It's somebody that you had over.
So obviously, no, it's not wrong. I mean, it's not wrong.
Then I did. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 If it's not wrong, I did. I mean, if it's someone that you know, I don't remember.
You can't do it to someone. You never walk into somebody else's house and do it.
Would that be weird?

Speaker 2 If I went to your house

Speaker 2 and sniffed my wife's underwear. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Stop, stop, stop for a second. Everyone, you're getting angry.
And I just stop, stop. What I'm saying is, what's the problem?

Speaker 2 It's so gross. I know, but what's the problem? And you explained to me what the problem is.

Speaker 2 You're a little greasy face in her underwear.

Speaker 2 I know, but

Speaker 2 what harm is it doing? I just said it. Your greasy little face in her underwear.
I'll wash it. What if I grabbed your wife's underwear? Sniffed it, then washed it?

Speaker 2 No, and I said, dude, I will wash it after I sniff it. No problem.
Get to wash it. Okay, good.
Hand wash, though. And I went,

Speaker 2 what if I went to the bathroom with it?

Speaker 2 Would that be weird? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. Yeah.
Would that cause a rift in our friendship? Yeah, it'd probably be a little bump.

Speaker 2 Okay, my bad. By you sniffing.
Holy shit. So insane.

Speaker 2 Now, if you sniffed mine, fine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That doesn't bother me. It doesn't bother me.
Yeah. Okay.
Don't sniff. I won't sniff.
Don't sniff.

Speaker 2 What are you confused about?

Speaker 2 It's just crazy. It's crazy town.
Yeah. It's crazy town.
I will say,

Speaker 2 I noticed that when you go to certain people's houses, some people give you a towel,

Speaker 2 a hand towel, and a washcloth on top. We always do that.
I provide, when people come, three towels, a body towel, a hand towel, and a little washcloth. What do you mean when people come?

Speaker 2 When people come and stay at the house. Family, friends, visitors.

Speaker 2 This is a very Bill Nye again. I don't think.
No, take Bill one nye out. I don't, it's not a science thing, okay?

Speaker 2 But can I ask you a question? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And what,

Speaker 2 I don't know how to, okay, okay.

Speaker 2 Over the years, I think I've lost friendships over this. I've had friends from San Diego.
I just had Shea Matosh, a comic from Las Vegas.

Speaker 2 And they say, dude, I'm going to be in L.A. for a couple of days.
Can I stay at your house? And I always go, nah,

Speaker 2 never.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 They should know better. You would never know better.
I know, but what I'm saying is, you know, if it's a woman that I'm seeing, you know what I mean, dating, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm totally fine with that, right? But for the same reason, like

Speaker 2 my friend from San Diego, a guy, you know what I mean? Like, I want to be there for four days. I always go, no.
I'm like, I'd rather get you a hotel. Yeah, but is there anything?

Speaker 2 I'll pay for your hotel. Are they hanging out with you? That's the problem.
I don't know what they're up to. But if they're coming to see you, clearly they can stay at your house.
No.

Speaker 2 So they're coming to hang out with you, but they can't stay at home. I don't want them to come up to hang out with me then.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, come up to hang out with you? Hey, Bob, I want to come up from San Diego. I don't do that.
And I want to spend a couple days. And that's the difference between you and I.

Speaker 2 That I have real friends. No, that's not what I'm saying.
That's literally what this is. You don't have towels.
Is it a towel problem? It's not a towel problem. No.
Do you not have towels?

Speaker 2 No, I'm just, I guess. How do you dry off?

Speaker 2 Dude, you standing out of the shower just like shaking your body dry?

Speaker 2 Like, what do you mean when I dry off? Do you have extra towels for guests? Yeah. Yeah, he has a lot.
Thank you so much for taking it. So what are you going to do with them if no one can use them?

Speaker 2 I use them.

Speaker 2 Okay, so they're your towels. Yeah.
I mean, I use them. Like, if I have 12 towels, there's 12 days of towels.

Speaker 2 Use a towel every day? Oh, yeah. You change towels every day.
Do I not?

Speaker 2 That's insane. That's how I do it.
Every day? It's America. Wow.
Exactly. Yeah, it's a great country.
Okay. Because I don't know, I'm like, I'm oddly clean.

Speaker 1 Tito Bobby, like, his bathroom smells so good.

Speaker 2 Thank you. It should.

Speaker 1 Even if there's a lot of poo stains, it smells good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. For some reason.
God damn it, there's no poo stains. Yes, woman.
Yes, there is. No, there isn't.
There sure is. Right.
So, um, like, I do hang out.

Speaker 2 Like, so I want to tell you, last night, I was at the comedy store

Speaker 2 and finance is in town. Yeah, Ian.
Yeah, Ian Finance. We love Ian Finance.
And

Speaker 2 the other day we ran into this guy, and he goes, There's a Hollywood party Saturday night, man. You know, a lot of women going to be there.

Speaker 2 And he said in front of me and ian edwards i mean at finance and we were like i'm like oh okay and ian was like let's go i'm not

Speaker 2 so saturday night he's at the store and i actually went you went to the hollywood party yeah it was way up to the famous there

Speaker 2 we couldn't even get in what why so i park my car right five miles up a hill we have to walk yeah it's 12 30 at night We go and we go and then we overhear somebody in the car goes, yeah, you need a yellow bracelet.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 I know, not human. You're like, I'm wearing it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Not a human.
Yeah, you know what I mean.

Speaker 2 Okay. Like a Livestrong? Like for.
I don't know what it is. No, it's not like a.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Like a Lance Armstrong?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's so, um,

Speaker 2 and we were outside this fucking gate for an hour. Not one person saw you and didn't go, that's Bobby Lee, let him in.
No. And then the guy that invited you showed up.
Shows up.

Speaker 2 The guy invited us shows up and he goes, oh, don't worry about it. We'll get, you know what I mean? And he keeps texting the guy.
And then all of a sudden, helicopters appear. Cops? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then all of a sudden, ambulances and cops,

Speaker 2 and they're all now there. Oh, shit.
Going in. And my instinct is like, leave.
I guess it's over. Yeah, I'm gone.
No, we'll get in.

Speaker 2 The cops are there. I know!

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 It's not a great story. No, but did you, you went, did you guys try? Did they try to get in still? No, I made Ian Golan Co, we left.
You guys did not.

Speaker 2 It's not a great story. No, it's a good story.
I'll tell you why I'll tell that story, though.

Speaker 2 Because I've never done that before.

Speaker 2 No. I've never been to a Hollywood Hills party before.
And not gotten in. No.
I've gone to Tim Dylan's house.

Speaker 2 That's in the Hollywood Hills party. I understand that, but it's a little different.
Why? Because it's not like, you know what I'm talking about, Hollywood, you know, where it's like clubby.

Speaker 2 But timeout, I think you're missing the I think you're missing what's right in front of you. We're doing the robotic chicken, the metallic chicken thing again with the cloth.

Speaker 2 Is that what we're doing or what? Tim doesn't have any washcloths at his hat. No.

Speaker 2 No, dude,

Speaker 2 Tim is famous. He has very famous people there.
It is a Hollywood Hills party. I'll tell you why I don't think it is.

Speaker 2 And you're right. You're absolutely right.
So what is it? Andrew Santino is absolutely right. Thanks.
Okay. But I'll tell you why I don't think that.
Why?

Speaker 2 It's because they're all people I know.

Speaker 2 Because you're famous. No, I'm not.
No, No, what I'm saying is I'm famous in a certain way. So it's like, if I show up at a house and I see Whitney Cummings, I'm not like, oh my God,

Speaker 2 I know, but to the outside. I understand that.

Speaker 2 What I'm saying is, I want to go to a party where it's like, oh, my God. DiCaprio.
Yeah, that. Right.
You never will go. Yeah, I know.
We'll get over it. Okay.
They don't want us there. I know.

Speaker 2 What would we do? You've been there. To where? Those parties.
No, I haven't. Dude, you're going to make me so mad right now, dude.
I've been to.

Speaker 2 I've been to a couple of like. No, you've been to golf resorts in Washington or whatever.
Yeah. With super big guys.
Yeah, but those.

Speaker 2 That's a party. Only people I know.
Gladiators party. Yeah, Gladiator Party.
Gladiator's too. Yeah, Gladiator.
That wasn't Hollywood party. It's still very high-end.
It was weird. No.

Speaker 2 See, that's what I'm saying. I've never been there.

Speaker 2 I have. Yeah, you have.
Let's move on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you 100% have. Let's move on.
Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 2 Is it it a real question?

Speaker 2 And, you know, I've thought to myself, with you,

Speaker 2 I want to be more, you know, open with you and honest. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 When I got off the stage the other night when we did a show together, you and your wife were standing there in that little opening. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you guys looked at me with shame. Is that what the look was?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No. What the fuck fuck are you talking about? Did I look upset? You guys both looked at me like you were upset with me.
Well, I'll tell you why

Speaker 2 I was a little upset.

Speaker 2 I wanted, selfishly, I wanted to go up after you.

Speaker 2 I didn't want, because you brought up another comic and then they brought me up, which is fine, but I like going after you or vice versa. I just like that.

Speaker 2 So I was a little bummed that I had to wait because

Speaker 2 I prefer to fight. I think it's a nice synergy.
So I wasn't upset at you, but I do love when we're paired. It feels good.
It's funny what the rhythm is really good. It's funny what one mind does.

Speaker 2 We assume all these things that aren't true. Yeah, it's not true.
Yeah. But you, but, but, but I was just bummed because I saw you were having great a great time.

Speaker 2 And I thought, fuck, I would love to go up there right after you and have fun. Because I saw you guys do this.
I think your wife was doing this like this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she's, well, she was airing it out. She's got to air it out sometime.
And she was like, you guys were like.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, because we knew we had to wait for that.
And I go, bye.

Speaker 2 Remember? Yeah, and I had to wait for another comic. And I was like, I'd rather go right after Bob.
That's what it was.

Speaker 2 That's almost always what it is.

Speaker 2 That's selfish. But I mean, can we talk about, though,

Speaker 2 if you ever had any grievances with me, that you would say it or no?

Speaker 2 Would you hold it into your soul? No, I would tell you.

Speaker 2 I would tell you because I love you, but I don't, you're hard to grieve. Now,

Speaker 2 some people in the studio

Speaker 2 easier

Speaker 2 to grieve. Yeah.
Yeah. I got some vinces with some of these people, including McCone.

Speaker 2 Well, get it up because i knew you were going on a rant earlier mccone has made his way into my social circle yeah he's found a way to infiltrate

Speaker 2 uh by the way and and and i can't stop doing favors for him he's getting free furniture for his new apartment

Speaker 2 i think you're doing him a disservice i know i know i'm being real i i know i'm sorry okay no it's true because what i realized over the years

Speaker 2 is it's in the struggle where we find it. And he doesn't get to struggle.
He's not struggling. You're not struggling.
Not anymore. Well, so do you.
You never did.

Speaker 2 You're 21, 4? 25. Oh, excuse me.
Gary Oldman. I mean, like,

Speaker 2 you've been in the business for a long time. Excuse me.
25? Wow. Wow.
So

Speaker 2 we struggled for at least a decade. Yeah, a long time.
Do you think we should decrease his pay? No, I'm just saying. Well, when I look at you with him, I'm like, God, he's giving him so much love.

Speaker 2 I know. I don't know.
I'm having a hard time with him. And and then it makes me be the guy because I want him to grow to be the dick.

Speaker 2 I'm like in a position where I have to be the dick. I'm being real.
That's what I realized, you know? And then you look at me with resentment and anger because

Speaker 2 I'm doing more love. I'm giving you more love.
Tough love. Tough love.
Good love. The good love.
Good love. That's the real love.
The real love. I give you fake love.
He gives you fake love.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm a phony baloney. You're not.
You love him. I do.
It's a deep father-son kind of connection, but I'm just saying that it does him a disservice.

Speaker 2 Speaking of real love, we were talking about you at dinner the other night. Me and Spade and Swartzen.

Speaker 2 Why aren't I ever invited to those? You were, and you said no. That's right, all right.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. So annoying.

Speaker 2 But Spade,

Speaker 2 Spade

Speaker 2 was joking about Swartzen the way he orders, and he orders exactly like you order. Who does? Swartzen.
So does Spade?

Speaker 2 He did a little bit, but he was, well, we told him he was paying for the meal. Wow.
So he immediately was like, okay, slow down.

Speaker 2 And Nick was like, we'll get three more orders of the Toro sushi with the caviar on top. You went to Nobu.
We went to another sushi place. Unless I say, I got it.
Another sushi place.

Speaker 2 We went to the other one. I know, that is the other one.
And he goes, can we get the Toro with the caviar on top? And Spade was like, come on. And Sportsman goes, six pieces.

Speaker 2 And the guy's like, oh, okay. Well, you have six coming.
He goes, keep it coming. And Spade was like, all right, that's enough.
Also, tell me something about Spade.

Speaker 2 When you're eating with him, he sits on his knees, like a 12-year-old rich kid.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like he grew up in Aspen.

Speaker 2 This is a fucking seat. And he's just like eating like this, you know what I mean? And just, it is really cute.
It's fucking crazy. It's so cute, though.
It's so cute.

Speaker 2 But you see, everyone looks because he looks like a cutie. And he stands up to talk to you.
He stands up. He lets you know.
Yeah, he does. In the middle of the meal, he wants to talk to you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then here's another thing I hate about it. No, we love Spade.
I know. I love him.
I'm just saying. So I go every time you go to the the host and you have to go,

Speaker 2 I'm here for with David Spade, and they look at you and they go,

Speaker 2 Really?

Speaker 2 And I go,

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 how do you know that? How do I know that he's here? And they go,

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 and then they walk me and I'm like, Are you his driver? Yeah, I mean, that's what it feels like. Leave your keys, yeah, that's what it feels like.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they have to, the hostess of a restaurant eyes me up and down. You're with Spade, huh? Yeah, you're with Spade, huh?

Speaker 2 In what capacity?

Speaker 2 And then I feel like I have to explain myself, but I, you know, but usually they do it. Yeah.
And then he's so nice. He's great.
He's got great. He is a sweet guy.
Anyway, he's a little sweet prince.

Speaker 2 Which is, this is cool. Can I just say a cool thing that happened? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was one of those things where I want to do for somebody else one day. Go ahead.
Right?

Speaker 2 I was with a date, okay, and we were

Speaker 2 on the west side. We're walking, and we walk by this nice restaurant.
It's just during the day. And I see this older, nice lady eating a meal.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 Adam Sandler's there with her. Oh.
And Sandler looks at me and he calls me over.

Speaker 2 That's hot. It's the best.
Isn't that cool to look like? He goes, Lee, what's up? Hey, get up, man. Yeah, yeah.
I go,

Speaker 2 and Sandler goes, dude, he looks at my daddy and goes, this guy, what a funny guy. What a great guy.
Right. And he does one of these taps.
I do like, hey, man, it's good to see you.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And I go, I'll see you soon. I see you soon.
But it was just like one of those gestures where I'm like, very good.

Speaker 2 I like, you know what I mean? It was like, you know, it makes you look really cool. Like, I want to do that for somebody else.
You do do that for people.

Speaker 2 You say hi to people and it makes people feel good. McCone.
No, I want to help a guy get laid.

Speaker 2 Oh, that would be tougher for you. Well, I don't.

Speaker 2 Well, what I'm saying is that why, why, you know.

Speaker 2 What I mean is... You don't have that transferable.

Speaker 2 That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 well I don't think no no no well you're not can no what I said before was I would like to do that with someone and then you're like yeah you can and then now I'm explaining it to you now you're like oh yeah you can well not get laid you're not gonna help someone get laid no you so you don't think that you think a woman is gonna walk up with a guy no no

Speaker 2 and then you see the guy and you go hey buddy and then you say to the girl this guy is the man she doesn't care what you say That's what I said before, but then you then you sort of build me back up and now you shut me back up.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry, but it's not going to happen. I know, but don't build me back up then.
I'm sorry. I was already falling.
I'm sorry, Buttercup. Okay.
I apologize. Could you do it? No, but you could.

Speaker 2 We don't have that power. Are you fucking myself? We don't have that power.

Speaker 2 We don't have that power.

Speaker 1 Tito Andrew has the power.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 I love it. But you don't think I do.

Speaker 1 You have. Tito Andrew has this kind of power.
You have this kind of power.

Speaker 2 I think so. I think so, too.
I love you, Rudy. I think so, too.
Okay, can I tell you what? I did a nice thing. Did I talk about this on the podcast?

Speaker 2 Go ahead. A police officer held the door for me to get.
I was going into Jersey Mike's, and he held the door very politely for me and my lady. And then I said, you know, I'm going to buy his sandwich.

Speaker 2 And then so I got to the front, and then I turned around and I said, are you going to get chips and a drink? And he goes, no. Why?

Speaker 2 I said, because, you know, I'll get the sandwich, but I don't want to get the meal deal. Do you know what I mean? I'm not going to pay for the whole fucking thing.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Just a sandwich. I'm kidding.
No, but I said, I said, are you going to get chips and drink? He said, no, just a sandwich. I said, well, whatever he gets and put it on there.
And I paid for it.

Speaker 2 And he looked at me so earnestly and he shook my hand and he said, thank you so much. That's very nice.
Very nice of you. And I said, well, thank you for,

Speaker 2 you know, because honestly, how many people say anything nice to a cop during the course of the day? I'm being serious.

Speaker 1 I'm scared of cops. Well,

Speaker 2 you should be.

Speaker 1 I had to go to a police station.

Speaker 2 Well, you're fucking illegal, dude.

Speaker 2 Wait, why are you scared of a cop? You had to go to the police station?

Speaker 1 I'm just scared of them in general, but I had to go to the police station to report my missing passport.

Speaker 2 And did they help you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I was crying before I was going before I went because I was so scared of them.

Speaker 2 Have you had bad interactions with them when you were a kid?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 So why are you scared?

Speaker 1 Just like the idea that they're kind of superior.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 When you cry, oh my god. Your eyes bulge out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's an ugly cry.

Speaker 2 No, like a cartoon. Like,

Speaker 2 ooh, God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's like crazy. But were the cops nice to you? They were really nice.

Speaker 2 So then stop being so scared.

Speaker 1 Yeah, after that, I stopped being scared.

Speaker 2 You change your mind. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm imploring all of our fans to buy a cop a sandwich or something if you see. You know what you're also good at? Nice? I say hi.
You know what?

Speaker 2 Another thing that you do is, and I do it too, you always say thank you for your service to military people. You should.
I do it too. Because

Speaker 2 I don't have the balls to do that. So fucking, we should all say something.

Speaker 2 Although, when we were coming back from somewhere. No, no, this made me laugh.
I don't know where we were traveling from, but you know when they call the airport lines and then they say

Speaker 2 families, military. Do you know what I'm talking about? Of course I do.

Speaker 2 Of course I do. There's a guy that walks up and Bobby's like, that guy's not in the military.

Speaker 2 I was like, yes, he probably already served. He's like, no, he's not a military guy.

Speaker 2 Like, you knew that he wasn't in the military. I don't think he was.

Speaker 2 You think he was stolen Valor just to get on the plane? When When you see a guy that looks like Ralphie May,

Speaker 2 right, I'm going, yeah,

Speaker 2 I'm in the Marines. I'm like, that's not the guy.
What is he, an explosive guy? I mean, what does he do? He lays on the bunk.

Speaker 2 He's the IED guy. Yeah, yeah, all right.

Speaker 2 All good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But you know what I mean? You can tell sometimes.
Sometimes he looked a little bit like he might have, well, but look, he might have worked in the computer.

Speaker 2 He might have just been a maybe, but I'm just saying that guy shouldn't go.

Speaker 2 When I say military, you have to be either on a boat in a war. So you're saying...
You know, jumping over one of those large fucking things, you know. You're doing a

Speaker 2 net. With the net.
A tough mutter. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You're the wired fans and they're underneath crawling. You have to be doing that.
That's what you're saying.

Speaker 2 You have to be.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that guy. You have to be in shape military to get on the plane first.
That's what you're saying.

Speaker 2 No, he's just got to be, like, in military, he's got to be like a guy that we're like, yeah, John, war, war, yeah, not, you know what I mean? Get in the office and do whatever, right?

Speaker 2 Leah, right, right. Yeah, yeah, I can't do it.
I get it. Yeah, and then it's also this.
It's like, um,

Speaker 2 what I just

Speaker 2 can I say another thing? Yeah, it's when they go, all right, people that need help to get on the thing, on the plane. Yes, I get it.

Speaker 2 What a headache, right? You mean people that are like disabled? And my heart's out to you. Okay.
But there are some, and I've tried to call them out,

Speaker 2 right? Where it's like they get wheeled up,

Speaker 2 Right. I know what you're saying.
No, no, it's just up. Right?

Speaker 2 They get, right? Yeah. They get wheeled up, right? And then, and then all of a sudden, they're fucking Carl Lewis.

Speaker 2 They get up and they start running to their fucking seat. It's like, what is that?

Speaker 2 That's deception and lies, right? I don't like that.

Speaker 2 And we should call that out. Don't you think we should call that out? No.
Yes.

Speaker 2 It's not that you, oh, you couldn't get from there to there, but you can run to the rest of the. I don't get it.

Speaker 2 What, what? Also, you're right.

Speaker 2 What drives me nuts is when they say people that need help get on the plane, and it's like one person disabled and nine family members that get on with them.

Speaker 2 I hate that, and they're like, We're all helping. You're not all helping.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy.
I hate that. That is crazy.

Speaker 2 Okay, so one time, Gabriel Glasias, right?

Speaker 2 This is before us. I love him.
I love him too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is before us, which means, you know what I mean? I wasn't where I was. Yeah.
So I was, you know, I would do, you know,

Speaker 2 coach,

Speaker 2 coach guy.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? What'd you say? Oh, coach. Oh, oh, oh, right, right.
A flight coach. Right.
I was in Canada playing yuck yucks.

Speaker 2 I know. I was at the airport and I was like group nine or something.
I was like the last group. You're in the cargo?

Speaker 2 Yeah, to the point where I had to like, there was no more overhead compartment space. So I had to wheel up my thing and go, can you check this?

Speaker 2 Right. Like one of those guys.
right? I'm sitting there and I see Gabe with his entourage. Okay.
In first class. No, they weren't just in first class.
Gabe walks up to me, goes, what's up, dude?

Speaker 2 And we hug all that. Yeah.
And he goes, you're Same Fly. I go, Yeah, same flyer.
And he goes, Yeah, we get on before everyone.

Speaker 2 Like, they get on before even, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? All those guys.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. They get on before, right? And I go, and for a split second, I was like, I don't like, because if I saw this and I was outside the, you know what I mean, the circumstance, right?

Speaker 2 It had nothing to do with me, I wouldn't like it if I saw it. You'd be pissed.
I would be pissed. Right.
But I did go on. You went with them.
I mean, I'm not going to say no. But then what?

Speaker 2 When they go to first class, then you just kept going back to the back. With the very back in the middle seat in the back.
Yeah, yeah. And then I couldn't even go, but I got on first.

Speaker 2 I had the overhead, but it's underneath now.

Speaker 2 I already checked it. Yeah, anyway.
I know what you're saying, though. It is.

Speaker 2 I don't like it. What is this? What is that? You're showing us? The private celebrity-friendly terminal? Yeah, at LAX.

Speaker 2 I mean, we've done that.

Speaker 2 Whoa, is that new? No, have you done that? It's new. Right there.
Have you done that? I don't know. Be honest.
Have you done that?

Speaker 2 Stop suck.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at me right now.

Speaker 2 Stop stop.

Speaker 2 And because we talked earlier, we're up front and honest with each other. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you done that? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Have you done it?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Yeah, you have.
I don't think so.

Speaker 2 When you looked at it, you're like, oh, I know where that is. What does it look like? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 What's that like? It's so cool.

Speaker 2 It's so cool. Who's there?

Speaker 2 They, it's really cool. I'm not a member.
I was brought by a friend, right? And if a friend has a pass, you can bring people.

Speaker 2 And what you do is you park your car there, and then you see where all the planes are across, right?

Speaker 2 You get to sit, you can have breakfast, drinks, lunch, whatever. And then they drive you in an SUV to the plane, and then you get on from the outside stairs that go up to the plane.

Speaker 2 Okay, so what do I need to do to get there?

Speaker 2 It's pretty expensive. I think it's, I don't know how much money.
Well, it says it runs $3,500, and then you pay a monthly fee, and then other stuff. What do you mean? $3,500 a month?

Speaker 2 $3,500 is to get in. One time.
No, no, no, that's to have the membership, and then you pay monthly fees. And what is the monthly fee? I don't know.
I've never known.

Speaker 2 I don't do it. I was a guest, but I will say it's fucking unbelievable.
There it is. Okay, so

Speaker 2 can you zoom in? Because I can't read that far. All right, so

Speaker 2 annual fee, $4,800. So $5,000 and then $750 per person you bring with you.
A time. One time.
Every time. Every time.
Every time. I see.

Speaker 2 And then the private suite rate for four travelers is that, $3,500. And then they valet your car and then.

Speaker 2 Per person.

Speaker 2 Is that worth it? I don't think so. I I don't think so.
It's so fancy. Why do you need it? I mean, look,

Speaker 2 it was very cool. It was very nice

Speaker 2 to be a part of it. But also, I just don't know.
I don't know. Yeah.
I don't really.

Speaker 2 We're of the people. You know who does that? And I can just guess.
Burton Tom. 100%.
Well, they take private jets. Yeah, yeah.
Those guys are private jet guys. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think Theo does that now, probably.

Speaker 2 They're more famous. You and I won't do it.
Well, they're more famous. No, let's do Southwest for life.
I'll do Southwest for life. I don't give a fuck.
I'll fly Southwest.

Speaker 2 I'm going to Vegas in two weeks. I'm flying Southwest.
I don't give a fuck. Why do I care what? I love Southwest.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't say I love it.

Speaker 2 You know that I don't, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You didn't. I thought you were going to jump on me for that.
No, but I'll fly it. I just don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 Do you know what's like sleigh, pussy, purr?

Speaker 2 I know slay, sleigh purr. Slay, pussy, purr?

Speaker 2 Slay is a term in the gay community that means like go off. Yeah.
But pussy purr, I don't know. Yes, pussy purr.

Speaker 1 It's the same thing, but my friends, like the girls, they see

Speaker 2 one line. You make the pussy purr.
You better believe it.

Speaker 2 Not actual pussy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But like, you say, oh, slave, pussy, purr, purr, slave, purr.

Speaker 2 Appropriating gay culture. Very good.
Stealing from the gays. Give me another one.
That's what you're doing.

Speaker 1 Another one.

Speaker 2 Slay queen.

Speaker 1 It's a new one. I don't really use it, but skibbity.

Speaker 2 Skibbity. Skibbity-dooda.
Skibbity.

Speaker 2 We started

Speaker 2 it. Our generation.

Speaker 2 Skibbity is a word that means nothing. Oh.

Speaker 1 No, it says it's bad. Like, it's bad.

Speaker 2 Well, let me tell you, the Today Show says cool, dumb, bad uses a filler word. So, how would you say it in a sentence?

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's the younger generation.
I know.

Speaker 2 If it's nothing, it's like

Speaker 2 how was the party?

Speaker 2 How was the party last night?

Speaker 2 It was all skibbity, dog. No, that's not.
That can't be it. That's it.
It was nothing.

Speaker 2 You sound like an old guy going, hey, young kid. No, I'm not.
No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that sounds weird.
Yeah, skibbity toilet. What? Skibbity toilet?

Speaker 1 I don't know what skibbity toilet is.

Speaker 2 See, even you don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Stealing is phantom tax.

Speaker 2 Stealing is phantom tax?

Speaker 1 Phantom. Phantom.

Speaker 2 Phantom or Phantom? Phantom. Phantom.
It's got to be Phantom. Phantom tax is known as Phantom Income or Dry Income.
This is like a tax. What are you talking about? Taxes?

Speaker 2 It's... That's what there's.
Oh,

Speaker 2 I know what Phantom Tax is. It's residuals in our world.
Yeah, Phantoms. Right? Residuals.
You know, sometimes... Like, for instance.

Speaker 2 Phantom tax, an internet slang term describing the theft of food between friends.

Speaker 1 P-F-A-N-U-M.

Speaker 2 Phantom tax. It's the theft of food between friends.
Man, the future is fucked. It's fucked, dude.
What are we talking about? Phantom tax. Stealing food from your friends.

Speaker 2 So if you. I have French fries.
Go steal it. Here,

Speaker 2 I'm going to charge you a Phantom tax. Is that what it is?

Speaker 2 Skibbity, no.

Speaker 2 I don't fuck it. I don't know.
I don't know. When we were young, though,

Speaker 2 do you remember, I don't know if this was like this for you, but like at lunch. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I

Speaker 2 never, okay, my parents never, my parents worked.

Speaker 2 I, my mom never made lunch. So I had to buy lunch at school, school lunches.
And all the time, I didn't want to spend money.

Speaker 2 So I would steal, or I just asked friends for their side shit or their leftovers. Did you do that? No.
Oh, yeah. You were rich.
And I wasn't rich. I just wouldn't do it.
I'd rather starve.

Speaker 2 I would just be like, can I have that? No. Can I have your apple? That's insane.
Yeah. People will go, yeah, I don't want it.
Yeah. And, but that you would rely on it.

Speaker 2 So sometimes you probably got a bunch of no's and then you didn't eat. Some days.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So your mom didn't pack you.

Speaker 2 No, I'm kidding. Your mom didn't pack you a lunch? No, no, no, no, she never did.
But here's what she would do. She'd leave me $2 on the planning desk, on the desk by the door.

Speaker 2 She goes, there's $2 or $3 there. And then what I would do is, if I'm being real, I'm not joking around now, all jokes aside, I wanted the money.
So I would save the $2 a day and just steal other

Speaker 2 hustler items. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So then by the end of the week, I'd have $10 to $15.

Speaker 2 Look up Korean school lunch.

Speaker 1 They're so good.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen the photos of these? Korean school lunch?

Speaker 2 No, what do they give them? What does that say? Grilled Australian Shepherd. Dude, that's at school, dude.

Speaker 2 That's insane.

Speaker 2 It's insane. That's an American school lunch on the left.
Yeah, yeah. Dude, by the way, zoom in.

Speaker 2 Dude, I am having flashback nightmares

Speaker 2 in the top left.

Speaker 2 The fucking peas and carrots cut up. They're hard as a rock.
They're not even cooked.

Speaker 2 It's so fucking gross that they fed that. That shit was so gross.
It was so wacky. The patty and the hamburger, I found an ice cube in one in high school.
It was a full-blown ice cube in that.

Speaker 2 By the way, that carton of milk

Speaker 2 never was cold. It was left out on a shelf.
Oh, there's different states now. Well, Oregon.
Yeah. Of course, Oregon's better.
Yeah, way better. Yeah, yeah.
Well, it's all Chinese.

Speaker 2 What state has the worst school food? Oh, let's guess. What state has the worst lunch food? High school or element? High school lunch food? Okay, let me try to guess.

Speaker 2 State.

Speaker 2 Mississippi. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Mississippi.

Speaker 2 Louisiana. Fuck, we're right next door.

Speaker 2 It has the worst in the country based on several factors. How many fruits and vegetables? And the state is followed by Idaho, and the most popular lunch is Pizza Cheeseburger.
Pizza Cheeseburger?

Speaker 2 That's good. I bet it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Pizza cheeseburger does sound fucking good. It's pretty good, yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Oh, by the way, I went when I was up in San Francisco,

Speaker 2 when I went to go golf at this place,

Speaker 2 they do a famous thing called a burger dog. Look up Olympic Club Burger Dog.

Speaker 2 This was, dude, I got here. A buddy took me as I was a guest.
This, I could eat fucking a thousand of them. Oh my God, they look so good.
Dude, I'm not even kidding.

Speaker 2 You have one of these fucking things and you're like, I don't even feel like playing golf. I could just eat this all fucking day.
I could eat a hundred of them. They're so fucking good.

Speaker 2 And I don't know why no one else does. It looks so good.
It's an uncle. It's like a Philly cheesesteak almost.
No? Kind of, yeah, kind of. Kind of, yeah.

Speaker 2 I think we should wrap up by talking about the David Chang thing that that we did. No? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 No, we don't have the picture. I mean, we were there, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know what they look like. I lived it, you know?

Speaker 2 Is he bringing it to us? Oh, no. Please don't bring it.

Speaker 2 Did you see us do David Chang's dinner time? Who's David Chang?

Speaker 2 You don't support us. We're trying to get you a visa to stay in this country.
You don't support us. You don't love us.
You say you love us. You don't clean his house when you're supposed to.

Speaker 2 You know.

Speaker 1 I don't know who's David Chang.

Speaker 2 You really hurt my feelings.

Speaker 2 Famous chef. Oh.
A very famous chef. So he has a Netflix show where he cooks stuff for his friends.
We were on it live.

Speaker 2 So Andrew and I did it. So good.
It was very good. And I have to say.
Go watch it on. What did he make?

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 He started off with Wagyu sliders, in little Hawaiian rolls. Yeah.
Wagyu sliders. You ate all of it.

Speaker 2 I couldn't stop. Wow.
I couldn't stop. Dude, it's so good.
And then he made us

Speaker 2 lightly fried scallops and lightly fried crab. Crab, yeah.
Crab. So good.

Speaker 2 Then we had

Speaker 2 ramen with more wagyu in it, with

Speaker 2 spicy tofu. Yeah, with

Speaker 2 burnt rice.

Speaker 2 Krispy rice. Krispy rice, I mean.
Yeah. Then he made us.
Dude, then he made a creme frache cheesecake. Cheesecake.
With caviar. Yeah.

Speaker 2 and the uh breading was uh ritz crackers ritz crackers right and then a bunch of caviar and i'm telling you right now dude that

Speaker 2 was the best thing i've ever eaten in my life it was so soft it was you know if you you know what what do you think a cloud tastes like if you could bite a cloud yeah it tastes like i ate a little slice of heaven in my mouth and by the way jesus pussy jesus pussy yeah yeah and he never made it before

Speaker 2 he never made it before he improvised it

Speaker 2 he's a he's an he's a culinary genius yeah and he's a really good dude and we did it people should watch it on netflix and you should have watched it, by the way. Yeah.
That was a good idea.

Speaker 1 Was he better than your other chef friend, Titobag?

Speaker 2 Careful. Who's the other chef friend?

Speaker 1 The one on the bear?

Speaker 2 Maddie Maddie. Oh, Maddie.
Yes. They make two different kinds of chefs.
It's not competition. Okay.
There are two different styles.

Speaker 2 I think during that thing, though, you know,

Speaker 2 I think I overdid it up front. Because you gave me a look.
What are you talking about? When we did the live. Yeah.

Speaker 2 For some reason, because it's live, I'm like, I got to stand up and do things. Yeah, you put on a show.
I try to put on a show. You're a showman.

Speaker 2 I know, but then you were sitting there and you were looking because you were so calm in the pocket. And I looked at your eyes and I, just through your eyes, you were like, you're doing too much.

Speaker 2 Well, here's the funniest part. Bobby forgets we're mic'd up.
So he turns to me at one point and he goes, do you think I'm doing too much? Am I doing way too much?

Speaker 2 And I go, no, but they can also hear you. And he goes, right.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it made the cut, but I hope it did. I don't know if they cut it out.
Yeah, yeah. But it's so funny because I was like, dude, we're mic'd up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I can do everything that we're fucking doing. You're right.
I think you're right. I think you're right.
You weren't too much. Here's the deal.

Speaker 2 I'm going to end the show like this. You're a showman.
You're a scholar. You can and will help someone get laid one day, and you will crush tonight in front of Michael Bay.

Speaker 2 He'll be begging to put you in his next film because that's the future that lays in front of you. You too is a great band.
And don't forget the 2026 special.

Speaker 2 On Hulu.

Speaker 2 Spain won today.

Speaker 2 That's all you get. Barely.
Okay. And take what you get.
And by the way, before you come here, I don't know if you need need to stretch or something, but

Speaker 2 something's not working up there. All right, Rudy, say goodbye to everybody.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad boy.

Speaker 2 Who sings?

Speaker 2 You don't know Sting? No. Oh.

Speaker 2 Sting is a singer was in the of the band The Police.

Speaker 2 And he was also a solo artist. You don't know this guy, Sting.
You've never seen Sting before? No, never.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 this is a fun game.

Speaker 1 Sing a song.

Speaker 2 What? Sing a song. The most famous song you would know.

Speaker 2 I know this one. I'll get one.
Go ahead. Roxanne.
She doesn't know that. Okay.

Speaker 2 You know what song she knows if she's going to know anything. What? What?

Speaker 2 About stalking.

Speaker 2 Come on, dude. The whole song is about stalking.
What song am I thinking of? Gonna stalk you tonight. Gonna stalk you, stalk you, stalk you tonight.
All night long. I'm staying.
Yeah, what is it?

Speaker 2 Seriously? Every breath you take? Oh, yeah, that's a great one.

Speaker 1 Every breath you take.

Speaker 2 You take. That's That's a sticky.
I told you she would know. You don't.
Why are you? Yeah, okay, you do that. She likes stalky stuff.
She's a stalker.

Speaker 2 Have you ever stalked? Everything she does is magic? Is that how do you say that? Everything she does. Every little thing.

Speaker 2 Every little thing she does is magic. Wait a minute.
You stalked? Who would you stalk?

Speaker 2 Like crushes. I bombing.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. You stalked the...
She's a stalker. She's admitting.
You stalk the ex.

Speaker 1 I have a specific account for stalking people.

Speaker 2 What do you do? Do you do anything shady?

Speaker 2 I wouldn't say this out loud, I don't think, but they don't know the account, yeah. They don't know the account.
That's true, okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a little stalky account because you look at your exes, what they're doing, yeah.

Speaker 1 If they got fat, if they got uglier, and did they just pathetic?

Speaker 2 Did they get fat and ugly and pathetic? Yeah, you're catfishing, kind of.

Speaker 2 Do you ever talk to people through the stalky account? No, no, I don't know. Is that what catfishing is? No, that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2 It's not catfishing, it's catfishing if she spoke to people through it.

Speaker 2 Okay,