Back To The Old School

Speaker 1 This fall, explore California in a brand new Toyota hybrid. From the stylish Camry to the adventure-ready RAV4 or the spacious Grand Highlander.

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See your local Toyota dealer for hybrid battery warranty details. You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Yep, yappin' away.
Yip yappin' away. Yip yappin' all day.
Yip yappin' away. Yay.

Speaker 2 Yes, I am. Wait, or no one.
No, you are. No, McCone.
Yes, you are. You are.

Speaker 2 All right, let's start the show. And then, um, I just, and then, did you know that Delaney has a prison tattoo on her finger?

Speaker 2 what delaney you went to prison she has a prison tattoo on her finger let me see um

Speaker 2 what does it say no it's just it's a stick and poke a stick and poke yeah so that's what bobby calls his sex life stick and poke

Speaker 2 because every girl ow ow ow

Speaker 2 it's not stick and poke asian have a choppa peanuts

Speaker 2 let's not go into negative let's go into positive did something happen though i can't yeah no nothing. Well, I have to go to Winnipeg.
I'm bummed about that. Wait, what? One morning.
For Tom's thing?

Speaker 2 One show at Tom, yeah.

Speaker 2 Winnipeg. Do you know where that is on a map? It's probably.
I'm not making fun of you because I don't know.

Speaker 2 I assume Winnipeg is

Speaker 2 more East Canada. I think it's middle.
Maybe middle. I have no idea.
Yeah. I genuinely don't know.
Edmonton.

Speaker 2 Edmonton's more left. It's a

Speaker 2 Alberta's.

Speaker 2 Let's zoom out, Carlos. That's pretty central.
Kind of...

Speaker 2 Yo, that is Dead Center. Dead Center.
Wow, it's right above Minnesota.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. I'm dirty.
I got to fly all that way. How long is it, you think? Four and a half.
Four. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 you got to go up and over, you know? Yeah, but it's also like the 330.

Speaker 2 I hate the border crossing thing. Yeah, but you got to get paperwork.

Speaker 2 And one time I was doing a movie, and it was years ago, and I had to wait there for hours in like a little lab room. In the Canadian border? Insecure.

Speaker 2 I can't even speak to her. I'm so tired.
Security room. Not a lab room.
Why am I saying that? Let me tell you something, by the way. Congratulations.
I've been watching the worst roommate show.

Speaker 2 Like I said. Wow.
Are you being real? Yeah. The second season?

Speaker 2 I'm cruising through it. I love it so much.
But the amount of murder.

Speaker 2 Too much. The woman that filmed her own, that recorded her own death.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
Wowzies, owsies. She turned on a recorder and she's like, what are you going to beat the shit out of me? And he did.

Speaker 2 She asked him and he did. And then they have it on tape.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's crazy. Yeah.
I didn't see the first season. Oh, really? I only saw the second season.
Oh, my God. It's so good.
I was going to go back to the first season. I do that with movies, too.

Speaker 2 Do you have roommates, Delaney? Yeah, I do. Don't? How many?

Speaker 3 Five.

Speaker 2 Jesus. Jesus Christ.
You have your own room? Wait a minute. Do you live at home? Are you talking about your parents? No.

Speaker 2 Wait. Do you have your own room?

Speaker 3 I've, yeah, because we have a house. Starting junior year, you move off campus.

Speaker 2 Ooh.

Speaker 2 Fancy.

Speaker 2 I moved off campus. Wait a minute.
How old are you? 21. You're a senior now? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I get my own electrical slot so I can plug in my iPhone. Ooh.

Speaker 2 You know, and my roommate, Samuel, she gets the second one underneath it with her iPod. Ooh.

Speaker 2 Delaney, five people? Yeah. How much is rent with five? Sneak in there.
These guys don't need attention.

Speaker 3 It's like $2,000.

Speaker 2 For you?

Speaker 2 You pay $2,000 to live

Speaker 2 for other people?

Speaker 2 Where are you living?

Speaker 2 Palisades? Are you living in Beverly Hills? No, New Orleans.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. You don't live in LA? Only, like, my parents are here.
You're from Orange County.

Speaker 3 No, I'm from the Palisades.

Speaker 2 What are you getting so angry for, man? I don't know. I don't know.
Timeout.

Speaker 2 I don't know. $2,000 per person.

Speaker 2 So it's a $10,000 a month house you're renting?

Speaker 2 You can get a nice place for that in New Orleans.

Speaker 2 Is that right, though? So it's $10,000 a month? In New Orleans. So all of you are paying $2,000?

Speaker 2 Yeah, probably.

Speaker 2 You don't even know what everybody pays. Well, because I'm not asking my other roommates.
You don't ask each other? That's not a point of... Some of them I don't know that well.

Speaker 2 Oh, so you live in a home with people you might not know? Yeah, you're perfect for this TV show. Yeah, you're too.

Speaker 2 I don't think so. She's too fancy for me out there.
She's gonna end up in the news 100%.

Speaker 2 Remember that girl Delaney we used to work with a couple years ago? Dude. Yeah, the weird girl.
They found her foot in Florida. Yeah.
They found her head in New Orleans. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They found her ankle in Tucson. Tucson, Arizona, dude.
Tucson. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And they still haven't found her butthole. No.
Yeah. Yeah.
What did they do with it?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I think they shot it in a street.
Dude, that's a cool killer, though.

Speaker 2 No, just hear me out. I'm just saying, right? A killer with a necklace with all these little rings.

Speaker 2 Don't Don't you think? Little butthole rings. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But they're dry, you know what I mean? What is that?

Speaker 2 What is this? Is that puka shells? No, man. You know, when you dig

Speaker 2 fruit loops. Oh, catch.
Yeah, you dig fruit loops, you put them in the water, then you let it dry in the sun, right? And then it just has this like a rubbery, like anal.

Speaker 2 You know what I'm feeling? It's like a rubber anal. Kind of smells.
Yeah, yeah. Necklace.
You like calamari? I love it. This is calamari.
Oh, nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is this?

Speaker 2 An ear necklace? Yeah, from Vietnam. American soldier in South Vietnam possesses the

Speaker 2 zoom in

Speaker 2 the stripped bodies of dead Vikings. Oh my god, so he would kill him and then put them on a necklace? Bro, that's hardcore.
That's cool as hell.

Speaker 2 Imagine cool as hell, Carlos. Dude, imagine, dude.
Imagine I was in the war. Imagine I was in the war, right?

Speaker 2 And I'm looking at you. I go, hey, man, nice necklace.
Thanks.

Speaker 2 Look.

Speaker 2 Oh, this. No.

Speaker 2 No, this is. Fuck you.
No, no, these are. Wait a minute.
Fuck you. No, dude.

Speaker 2 Imagine.

Speaker 2 What if they didn't kill him, right? They just took his ears.

Speaker 2 You had two. What if they got both of your ears? You come up to me and you're like, hey.

Speaker 2 You have something of mine? Wait, I don't really understand what you have. Can you pronounce? You have something of mine.
You have something of mine. Oh, what is it?

Speaker 2 No, no.

Speaker 2 What the fuck? Oh, my bad. That's you.
Oh. Hello.

Speaker 2 That's hilarious. That's insane.
That's insane. Cut off someone's ear and then wear it is crazy.
That's crazy. But also, Vietnam, craziest war in the craziest war in the world, dude.

Speaker 2 I mean, look at that. There's so many of them.
You know what I'm doing? Apparently, it was a trend. Those are the biggest ears I've ever seen either.
It's like me. I have huge.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I have little ears. You know, the Vietnam war, though, Ho Chi Man, what a guy.
What a trail. He makes trails so deep.
And, you know, those trails. But did you know that Ho Chi Minh?

Speaker 2 It's a little fun fact. Give me.
Before he was Hochi Man. That's not a fun fact.
That's just a fact. Pretty fun to me.

Speaker 2 Before he was, you know, the guy, right?

Speaker 2 He went all, like, he was like a baker in France for a year. I'm not kidding.
No way. Then he went to New York and then was like, he worked on film, like went to a film company, worked on film.

Speaker 2 Ho Chi Min was like an artist? No, he's just a world traveler. Just going around the world, probably fucking white chicks and stuff, right? Yeah, damn.
And he has to do that. Can I say that or no?

Speaker 2 Okay. And he probably has to do this because, you know, he's small.
Tiny man. And those are her shoulders.
Oh. Right.
And you tell you like that. You know.

Speaker 2 So anyway, Hochimeo was like a world-renowned, you know,

Speaker 2 a worldly man. A cultural worldly man.
And he saw what was going on in his country and he came back.

Speaker 2 He was like, that's it. That's it.
That's it. I love making croissants.

Speaker 2 I love this film we're doing about, you know, this film, what a life film might the photographer what would have been if he actually became a director instead of going back home

Speaker 2 oh my god like imagine if he made really good film I'm trying to go see long legs tonight oh this is gonna be it's gonna you like it everyone says it's phenomenal do you see it

Speaker 2 and scary right I have my different opinion creepy I have a different opinion all right you don't like it

Speaker 2 what it is it's very creepy the tone of the movie is very creepy um it i mean at through the whole movie you know it gave me hereditary vibes in terms of like they got the tone right, but then there are times where I'm like, that doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 Or what is that? And what's going on? What is going on with the little orb?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? The doll orb?

Speaker 2 You know what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't. Because I'm going to go see it tonight.
Yeah, but if I say doll orb, you're not going to know what that is. Oh, I see it in my head.

Speaker 2 Well, you know what doll orbs are? Well, I'm just obsessed right now with the afterlife because I watched this guy on TikTok. I don't even know if I sent it to you.

Speaker 2 There's a guy on TikTok who goes to graveyards, he cleans the grave,

Speaker 2 and as he cleans them, he has one of those machines that picks up electromagnetic vibes and then it says words through the voice box.

Speaker 2 And I'm not, when I dude, okay, he'll go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, he'll go, he'll, it'll go, it'll go, thank you. And he's like,

Speaker 2 I'm cleaning your grave, Charlie. Uh, how did you die? And it'll go, stab,

Speaker 2 there's no way, dude. He does it.

Speaker 2 He'll hit the spirit there. Play it.
Play it for him.

Speaker 2 My name's Mary.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, little one.

Speaker 2 Stop.

Speaker 2 If I heard that, I would just go to the car. I know.

Speaker 2 Wow, dude.

Speaker 2 You think those are like demons and stuff? There's got to be. I mean, look, people that have passed over, right? Isn't that the theory? Yeah.
Stop. I already know what it is.

Speaker 2 There's a little person behind that grave server. Like, eat, what the?

Speaker 2 I mean, how do you know that it's the grave thing? I don't understand. There's a machine that does it.

Speaker 2 So there's a box, there's a spirit box, and spirits can electromagnetically communicate through the box, and it's filled with like thousands and thousands of words.

Speaker 2 And it electromagnetically picks the word and it comes out. So it'll be like death.
Oh, I see. Striking.
I see anything. Mom.
Right, right. Bob.
Yeah. Meli.
Yeah. That's it.
We should buy one.

Speaker 2 A ghost box. And it records.
But what if there's some words in there that I'm a spirit and I want to say it and it's not in the fucking box? It gets as close as it can.

Speaker 2 Like, which ones are you trying to say? Megatron.

Speaker 2 Would that be in it?

Speaker 2 I bet. You know what I mean? Voldemort.
It's loaded. Voldemort for sure is in the spirit.
I don't think Voldemort's in the spirit. Analbeads.
That's in there.

Speaker 2 Oh, you know, analbeads have to be in there. Yeah.
Yeah. Balenchain.
Oh, but can I put so do you? B D S M. B D S M.
Yeah. When you put that against a gravestone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he just does a thing and then as he walks through. Let's get one.
Let's go to Hollywood Cemetery. Done.
And let's experiment with this stuff, man. Absolutely.
We can go to like Humphy Bogart.

Speaker 2 Who's buried over there? Humphy Bogart? Isn't Monroe? Isn't Marilyn Monroe? You got to go to Marilyn Monroe's thing. At Forest Lawn, we got there.
At Forest Lawn. They're all there, right?

Speaker 2 Like Mae West, all these people are there.

Speaker 2 Paul Newman, right? There's all those guys. Oh, I love your pizzas, Paul.
He'll say, thank you. Will they do that? Yeah.
Oh, wow. Paul, you make the best pizza sauce.
Yeah. Thank you.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Have you seen my work? No.

Speaker 2 But I love your pasta sauce. I can't name a movie.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But wow. And I have to say, out of all the Hollywood male stars from back in the day, he's probably the best looking.
Humphrey Bargard or Paul Newman. Yeah, not even close.

Speaker 2 Bro, he killed it back then. He was so handsome.
Dude. So handsome.
Dude, if I look like that now, oh, I wouldn't even be here right now, dude.

Speaker 2 But there's two kinds of Hollywood guys: there's a Paul Newman or there's a

Speaker 2 Steve McQueen. Yeah.
So, so Steve McQueen is our generation's

Speaker 2 probably like

Speaker 2 either Charlie Hunnam or

Speaker 2 what's his name? Tom Hardy?

Speaker 2 And Paul Newman is like. Austin Butler.
Oh, I was going to say Gosling. Gossling Butler.
I think Austin Butler. I'll say Austin Butler.
No, you're right. You're right.

Speaker 2 But I think Gosling is hotter. Gosling's so hot.
He's the hottest guy in Hollywood. Delaney, you like that guy? You like Rye Goss? Not really.
Whoa!

Speaker 2 Give me a star that you like.

Speaker 1 Jake Jillenhall is my favorite.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 he's a mega babe. And he's jacked.
He's jacked. I saw him one night at a bar on Fairfax, and I didn't realize how big he is.
Yeah. Not tall.
He's fucking huge. His arms were massive.
Yeah. Jilly.

Speaker 2 You know, here's the joke with me. Hmm.
Because I met him one time.

Speaker 2 I swear to God. So you know my friend Gene? Yeah.
They're best friends, right?

Speaker 2 And so Gene goes,

Speaker 2 you can come to the dinner. Like, I can come because finally I can come.
Where was it? Damien.

Speaker 2 Right? So I come to the dinner. And

Speaker 2 when you're at a dinner like that, everyone's like either a showrunner or like a huge person. Yeah.
So I'm like, I'm there. Like, you get to read the pockets.
Uh-huh. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Nowhere to slip in. Exactly.
Know where to slip in. Yeah.
Exactly. Right.
And I didn't slip in anywhere. I found no pockets.

Speaker 2 No, I was just eating.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like that kind of thing. No words to Jilly.
I don't think so. He was so funny.
And then I got so nervous. I was like, okay, I'll see you guys later.
I left, right? Who is this?

Speaker 2 Who's this girl? She posted pictures of the day she wanted to wear for her trip to Auschwitz. Let me get this right.
This young lady

Speaker 2 went to Auschwitz.

Speaker 2 And she did like a get ready with me. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, I'd like to see what she wore.
That's what she wore. It looks great.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So people on the internet are mad because she said, get ready with me to go to Auschwitz. Is she Jewish?

Speaker 2 Push pause for a second. She doesn't look Jewish.
But the spirits at Auschwitz probably look at her like, look at that fat fuck.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Was that a pig?

Speaker 2 Oink, oink. You know what I mean? The spirits didn't like her.
Didn't like her, yeah. No, they probably bet you they did.
She's very pretty. What? She's a bachelor contestant and a Redmond.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, if like, I imagine the spirits see that.
They're like, oh,

Speaker 2 hot. What? If you had the little machine, they would probably say, hot

Speaker 2 yeah it's like it's not good not today hot hot if they have that little i can't

Speaker 2 hot it's not even good you sometimes you don't have to swing you know i mean sometimes they let the ball pass

Speaker 2 they let the ball pass all right Let the ball pass a couple times. You know what I mean? Don't go hot, hot.
You know what I mean? That's what you did.

Speaker 2 Let's try it again. Let's try it again, dude.
So this girl,

Speaker 2 this girl,

Speaker 2 she did a get ready with me to go to Auschwitz. And this is her outfit she wore? Yeah, it was just a black dress and sneakers.
Now, is that disrespectful?

Speaker 2 What is the appropriate thing to wear to Auschwitz?

Speaker 2 I got to say, it's probably that, but probably not.

Speaker 2 Well, we have a resident Jewish kid here, Nick. What's the appropriate thing to wear to Auschwitz? Something understated.
Understated. Solemn.
Solemn. Something drab and quiet, not loud.

Speaker 2 Imagine doing get ready with me to only go to tragic sites.

Speaker 2 Right. Get ready with me to go to Hiroshima.
Yeah. Get ready with me.

Speaker 2 Get ready with me to go to Chernobyl. Today, we're going to be visiting one of the most tragic, weird, fucked-up sites you've ever seen.
Yeah. Get ready with me.

Speaker 2 Now, I'm doing a blush that's very like blow you away blush. Get ready with me to go to Ed Gein's house.
We're in Wisconsin. We're at the farmhouse, okay?

Speaker 2 And this is the lamp. See, this lamp, this lamp is made out of human skin.
All right. And I know I'm wearing Gucci right now.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. And this kind of looks like skin.
I mean, that's, I think, what Prada was trying to say. So that's why we're here.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Get ready with me to go to Epstein's Island.

Speaker 2 What's up? I'm here. It's desolate and quiet.
Yeah. Seems like all the kids are asleep.

Speaker 2 I mean, how could it is funny? Look, I'm sure she didn't do it disrespectfully. She just planned to go to Auschwitz for the day, which millions of people do.

Speaker 2 And she was like, here's what I wear. Is this what she does on the internet? She shows people her day.
Yeah, she posted this as a part of her schedule. Auschwitz in the a.m.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, you got to go in the morning. You can't go to Auschwitz at night.
That's fucking.

Speaker 2 Bro, if you had a daughter and that's what she was a social media person and you're in the house and you're carving wood, I don't know what men do. Carving wood.

Speaker 2 Just making a canoe. Yeah, you're making a canoe, right? Right.
And she's constantly, get ready with me, get ready with me. And let me, oh my God, oh my God, look at this, look at this.

Speaker 2 Would you snap? No. No, because she's probably.
I'm like, shut up.

Speaker 2 I bet she's making a good living. You wouldn't snap Nick?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would go crazy. That's the funniest part.
The best packing hack for going to Auschwitz. No.
Make sure you pack food. There is not a snack bar.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 2 Visiting tragic locations and doing a get ready with me for them is very funny to be. And I tell you what the bae did.
How did the bae go? How was it with the bae? Did he reprimand you?

Speaker 2 Well, let's go. But why was I nervous? Do you know why I was nervous? Because you were talking shit.

Speaker 2 I'm not talking shit. Well, Bae heard you talking that shit.
Okay, I was talking shit.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 So for years, I talked about this IBM commercial. Not IBM, Pepsi commercial.
Yeah. And how he goes, here's the light.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Put your face. Put your in the light.
Put your face in the light.

Speaker 2 And you told it on Rogan. Put it on Rogan.

Speaker 2 The biggest podcast platform. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't really want anybody to know this story. I'll go on Rogan and tell it.
Yeah, yeah. So millions and millions of people.
Sunday, I'm at the comedy store. I have his name on the list.

Speaker 2 I'm up at like 845. It's a good spot.
It's a very good spot.

Speaker 2 And ask anyone that's working there. I've told these guys this.

Speaker 2 He's not there. I'm literally getting brought up.

Speaker 2 And he's not there. And like, you know how you go, ah,

Speaker 2 he ain't coming.

Speaker 2 Come here, right?

Speaker 2 And as I'm getting called up, somebody at the lot goes, The bay, Michael Bay's in it. Like it's a whole thing.
Like sirens go off. The bay has ascended.
Right. So they obviously let him park there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And so I just yell, I go, just go. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 The back. Bring him in the back.
Set him right. And then I'm literally walking to the stage.
While I'm on stage, he's walking in with his entourage. So cool.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And, you know, you remind yourself, so it was like 80 people. You know how sometimes the OR.
Main room? No OR. Okay.
I know the OR is sometimes light on a Sunday. Yeah, sometimes.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But, you know, well, I killed him. You still did good.

Speaker 2 You did good.

Speaker 2 You survived. I survived.
You did good. Thank you, Daddy.
I love you. Okay, kiddos.
And then what happened? I don't know. I just love you so much.

Speaker 2 I end as I'm walking off the stage. He gets up to meet me

Speaker 2 in the back.

Speaker 2 So then we get in the hallway and he goes, hey, man. I go, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I don't even know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 But, you know, we worked. I go, yeah, we worked.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Pepsi, yeah. Oh, yeah.
And I go, let's go in the back and talk about it.

Speaker 2 Right. You drag him to

Speaker 2 drag him to zeros. Higher ground.
You get to be on that. That's your territory.
Thank you. Vulnerable in the hallway.
In the back. In the back.
This is my. You regain power.
That's my den.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's your den. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So you sit the bay down. I'm still funny, Nick.

Speaker 2 Okay. I sit the bay down.
And now I'm like, how do I, you know what I mean? I got to figure. Mm-hmm.
So immediately, like a coward, I go, well, you know, sometimes in podcasts. No, I swear to God.

Speaker 2 You know, sometimes in podcasts, you know, like I experience a story.

Speaker 2 And then when I say it, it's like, you know, I have to to make it entertaining for the people, whatever, whatever, create conflict, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about? What? And I go, yeah.

Speaker 2 And he goes, no, Mike, you know, just the girl I'm seeing, right, is she said that you mentioned it, but I never heard it.

Speaker 2 You think he had to have heard it? No. Really? No.
Because it turned out she

Speaker 2 is a

Speaker 2 she

Speaker 2 is the fan. Oh, so she's a, she's a Bobby Lee fan.
She said, I think Bobby Lee talked about you in a podcast. Yes.
Oh, okay. Right.

Speaker 2 Then we just start talking for like 45 minutes, and it was great. Hollywood stuff.
He was super nice. I couldn't believe how

Speaker 2 reachable he was. You know what I mean? And is that the right word?

Speaker 2 I mean, reachable. Relatable.
Relatable. Relatable.
Relatable. Yeah, reachable.
What the fuck are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I mean, you did reach him. I did reach him.
No, and he was like so super open and nice. And we talked about a variety of things.
And did it end well? Yeah, really good.

Speaker 2 Was it like, hey, like, no, he's just like, no, he was just kind of like, you know what I mean? I really want to do something with you or something like that.

Speaker 2 A little bay movie, huh? I don't know. Little Bay.
You know, things like that are said.

Speaker 2 And I just take it, you know what I mean, with whatever it is. Right.

Speaker 2 You know, chalk it up. Sometimes they forget, but my point is that

Speaker 2 it was a positive thing. And apparently he hung out there all night.
And like Jason Collins and some comics were like, he's still here. We're hanging out.
He's so cool. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So he watched more shows. Yeah, he stayed there.
I laughed. And he was just stayed there all night.
Everyone's saying that he was the nicest. He's such a nice guy.
And it was a fun night.

Speaker 2 I want to be like you when I go off. You are.
Because guys like the bay, you actually go golfing with and go to like Oregon and some of these Mensa, like, I don't know, these deep state.

Speaker 2 These Mensa Deep State, like private fucking mansion parties. You mean Qnonnie? I'm sure you go in there too.
You mean QAnon? Yeah. Yeah, we go to QAnon.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. But there's something going on with you.

Speaker 2 I'm not in the party. I'm at Jason.

Speaker 2 It's funny the way that he can say this. And the internet will be like, what is going on, man? What parties does he get to go to? None.
I sit at my house all day.

Speaker 2 He does. He sits around all day.

Speaker 2 No, I actually do shit all fucking day. He does.
I do shit all day. You know what I did today? I washed my car.
And it's my favorite thing in the world to hand wash my car.

Speaker 2 And I went to a little shop in Burbank and I bought all my little supplies. And it was really nice because the girl didn't know me, which is always nice.
And she spoke to me like a car guy.

Speaker 2 And it was like, I like that. Like I'm a nobody because I am a nobody, but it was nice.
She didn't like... But you're like a car guy.

Speaker 2 You're a pet boy? We were talking cars.

Speaker 2 We talked about stuff we like. We talked about certain waxes and soaps that we prefer.

Speaker 2 Can you improvise that stuff or not? Even if you don't know?

Speaker 2 If you don't know what you're talking about? Yeah, I think I can do it. Okay.
You try it. Oh, have you ever tried this carnuba wax? Oh, yeah.
Well, the

Speaker 2 carnubal? Carnuba? Well, that's what it was originally called. What did you say? In 1972, right? Carnubal wax.
No, carnuba. Yeah, but they used to call it carnubu.
Carnubu? Yeah, wax.

Speaker 2 Like Nobu owned it? Yeah, exactly. Carnubo? Yeah, in 1972.
Eat sushi off of Hudov car. I don't know why you're doing Asian accents, or I'm just here at the car manufacturing.
I'm sorry about that.

Speaker 2 It's a little bit more. I see you, and I think, I don't know.
Yeah, but when you do great.

Speaker 2 Sorry, I'm so sorry.

Speaker 2 I'll get. I'm so sorry.
You know, I'm going to leave. No, no, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute, am I the customer? Yeah, you're the one.
You work there. I work here.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Holy fuck, I'm fired.

Speaker 2 Oh, how offensive. You know what I mean? I wonder if you did that.
They would leave, right? 100%.

Speaker 2 Unless they're from Japan. Then they'd love it.
I don't know. They might not know what was going on.

Speaker 2 Excuse me, you have a Kanuba Works?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we

Speaker 2 have it up there, but it's on the top shelf and it's

Speaker 2 pretty expensive. oh are you from tokyo too

Speaker 2 maybe they would do that

Speaker 2 oh i remember you what's true me to behi avenue uh i think bonsai bonsai way oh next to the mcdonald's yeah yeah yeah yeah it's a good mcdonald

Speaker 2 um yeah wow no i talked car stuff and it just felt nice to be like a a human with someone instead of but let me can i ask you about the wax yeah what do we give a shit oh i love it i know but because i've never had wax on my car.

Speaker 2 I know, I can tell. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm waxless. You're waxless.
And people seem to like it still. Who likes your car?

Speaker 2 People go, no, it's right, except when they see the other side. It's a piece of shit.
It's smashed to shit. I know, no, you're right.
But

Speaker 2 what does the wax do, my friend? It protects the, it protects the paint. It protects the.

Speaker 2 So it doesn't get skin cancer? What are you talking about? Yeah.

Speaker 2 SPF 35 is on there. It's in the sun all day, that poor car.
Oh, yeah, yeah. So it protects the paint, it keeps it shiny and fresh and glossy.
And more than anything, if you watched Karate Kid,

Speaker 2 you would learn wax on, wax off. It's more about patience.
It's more about life lessons. It's deeper than just getting dirt off a car.

Speaker 2 It's about connecting to these roots of like, I purchased a thing. I want to take care of it.
I want it to look nice. It's work.
You sweat. It feels good.
You get meticulous. It shows.

Speaker 2 It shows a lot of different things in life. So Mr.
Miyagi was teaching him.

Speaker 2 I love that scene. Do you remember? It probably doesn't make any sense, but.
What do you mean? It makes perfect sense.

Speaker 2 Oh, so he's waxing cars, he's painting fences, and then one day, you know what I mean? Mr. Miyagi does that, and he does this, like if he's painting a fence.
That doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 It taught him patience and time. Oh, that's true.
Okay. And he had to do his chores.
Someone had to do all that shit. But what a cool scene.
I mean, one of the best movies of all time. I think so.

Speaker 2 Daniel's Son. That's right.
Daniel's Son. It's a metaphor.
Whoa. Daniel's Son.
That was a great movie. Phenomenal.
I love that movie. I mean, honestly, I could watch it right now.
Can we put it on?

Speaker 2 No, no. Yeah.
Can we throw it on, please?

Speaker 2 But, okay. I dreamed about going to do crane kicks at the beach, standing on one of those old wooden things.
I thought about that all the time. Yeah, but here's the thing.

Speaker 2 There's things that you like.

Speaker 2 Like, you have little things like, you know,

Speaker 2 you can go to a golf store and look at the little, like, you know, the little... What am I looking at? I'll tell you what you're looking at.

Speaker 2 You look at the little jackets that go over the like little, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 This part. The little jackets? Well, you know, like, you know how the

Speaker 2 one next to Intro? Yeah, right there. I call those a little jackets.
Oh.

Speaker 2 A little club jacket? Yeah, a little club jacket. This is a little club jacket.
Yeah, yeah. And I'm going to call that from now on.
Okay, good. I go, can you get my club jacket, please?

Speaker 2 And then you probably look at like.

Speaker 2 You won't believe what that's called. What? Head cover.
Oh, head cover. Mm-hmm.
I didn't know. No, I know.

Speaker 2 It's not something that I...

Speaker 2 I'm not interested in that. Right.
But you have other interests like cars, like that kind of stuff. Yeah.
You can walk walk into like a Pet Boys, I guess.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I walk into a Pet Boys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And look and go, oh, look at the collaborator.

Speaker 2 This goes really well with the rotation. Some of the collaborators? Rotation cuffs.
Right. Yeah.
Rotator cuffs. Yeah.
And the oil, petroleum oil is very good with these rotation clubs, too.

Speaker 2 Petroleum jelly. You put petroleum jelly all over them.
Exxon has the best kind. I don't know what they do.
My point is, is that, and you're with watches, too. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, German-made or whatever you say. You know what I mean? But it's like, I literally have none of that.
Yeah, we like different things. No, I don't have any interest.

Speaker 2 I can't go into any store and go, oh, look. You know what I mean? Look at it.

Speaker 2 What? Not true. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Chinese stars.

Speaker 2 You like. Yeah, this one was a Mandarin.

Speaker 2 Clothes. You like shoes.
Sex shops. Sex stores.

Speaker 2 I mean, this is all true. You have the same meticulous love.
It's just our loves are different.

Speaker 2 I think it's different shoes, though, no? There's not a... I don't.
Oh, yeah, I guess you may be right.

Speaker 2 I'm like that with smells.

Speaker 2 Fragrances. Have you ever been to my house? Yeah.
Have I been home? There's smells all over my fucking house. Yeah, it's a fragrant house.
Yeah, yeah. I have.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding you. I probably have 450

Speaker 2 colognes of various kinds. Yeah, that's, yeah, that's.
And then I also have oils for the little rocks that I have. You know what I mean? So I guess I do have little things.
You have little trinkets.

Speaker 2 And you would go to a little trinket smell store and you'd want to smell everything. I want to be a man, is what I'm saying.
I don't have man things.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you do.

Speaker 2 Tell me one. You have

Speaker 2 Animals.

Speaker 2 Cats. You have dogs.

Speaker 2 They don't live with me. Right.
Yeah. Well, that's what I'm talking about.
Okay, let's move on. You're manly, though.
You think so? I gyrate good.

Speaker 2 Show me.

Speaker 2 Show me.

Speaker 2 Let me see you gyrate, bud.

Speaker 2 You can't put that in there, right? Yeah, you can. Yeah,

Speaker 2 your hump, your hump skills. So what time are you going to watch Long Legs Tonight? I'm going to go see Long Legs Tonight.
Yeah, you're going to like it. It's pretty cool.
But I'm going to go alone.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's good.

Speaker 2 He's scared. Yeah, yeah.
And

Speaker 2 you can't do that when you're with somebody. Yeah, he's probably...

Speaker 2 I mean, what a career, Nick Cage.

Speaker 2 The best. Yeah.
Because there was a while where he wasn't... He did all those small movies because Hollywood probably pushed him out.
Why did it? Why? He didn't get in trouble or something?

Speaker 2 No, he did that one. Remember the Christian movie was one of the worst movies ever.
What was it called? Left behind. Left behind.
One of the worst movies ever made. I don't remember that scene.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he phoned every scene in. It was one of the worst movies.
You got to watch this movie. Oh, there he is on the back.

Speaker 2 There. Yeah.
He's phoning it. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, there's literally one scene where he has his captain's hat over his face. You can't even see his face.
He's just saying his lines.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? He hated it.

Speaker 2 But they probably paid him a lot. Think about how hard that is.
Go back to the poster. And you see all those people in it.
Like, this could be the break of their lifetime. And he's just like, fuck it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 chad michael murray cassie thompson nikki whelan jordan sparks yeah i gotta be love jordan sparks i don't know who those people are am i stupid chad michael murray was famous what i'm stupid i don't know years ago jordan sparks was a pop singer right oh wow

Speaker 2 oh i know him yeah yeah i know him personally

Speaker 2 you do yeah

Speaker 2 no seriously we have lunch on wednesdays i know we have lunch every wednesday that's a way yes jamie and cmm that's what i call him i didn't know that was was his real name.

Speaker 2 Wow. He's a good guy.
No, I never met him, but I bet he's Rad. I mean, think about that.
Maybe, maybe Chad was like, fuck, this film is going to be awesome.

Speaker 2 And then the guy that stars in your movie is like, fuck this. And bails.
That would bump. You'd break your soul.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean,

Speaker 2 I think they were also going. Oh, they didn't like it either.
I don't think so. Oh.
Terrible script.

Speaker 2 You have to watch. It's one of the worst movies ever made.
It's about what he's a pilot and a plane disappears and it's. No, no, this is what it is.
It's a Christian.

Speaker 2 So a a Christian production company made it. You got me? So basically, the rapture.
All right. Right.
So like one day, just people just kind of disappear and then the clothes just fall to the ground.

Speaker 2 Whoa. And it's like six dudes left going, oh, fuck.
Oh, no, we didn't believe in God. Where do we do? Right? And they start.

Speaker 2 I know, dude. Number one, I would go to the pharmacist.
Yeah. Right? Unless the pharmacist is still alive.
No, they're gone. Oh, good.
He's in heaven, right? Yeah, he's in heaven.

Speaker 2 So fuck, I would go, you know, like drugstore cowboy.

Speaker 2 That's my one one-on-fantas.

Speaker 2 Deloted. You know what I mean? I would just go try to find all the shit, right? Get all the delota.
And then you know what I would do? Dude,

Speaker 2 I fantasize about this all the time. Dude, I can't wait, right? Then I'm going to go to San Marcos.
Why? San Marcos, California. Do you know why? Why? That's where the real doll factory is.

Speaker 2 Right? So I go to the pharmacist, right?

Speaker 2 Probably nine pharmacists. Get all the drugs.
I'll relapse. I don't give a fuck.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 I don't care. I'm so excited.
So I'll relapse, right? So then I'm going to get... Because cars probably still work.

Speaker 2 Yeah, cars work.

Speaker 2 Everything works until it stops working.

Speaker 2 But you can't get them fixed. That's right.
But you assume that for the next 20 years, you'll be able to find cars. You'll be fine.
You just keep getting into cars. You'll get some cars.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Go to San Marcos, right? And I would go to, but I don't know how, but they have like pre-built, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 I'd get 20 of them.

Speaker 2 Don't you think? I think you would just go in and use it when you're done. You'd leave.
No, because I don't want to live in San Marcos. I think, where do you want to live? Everyone's gone.

Speaker 2 I would go back to Malibu or something, like a nice beach property. Okay, then get yourself an 18-wheeler truck and load that bitch up with sex doll toys and bring it up to a house in Malibu.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Bring it to Spielberg's house and pack that thing with real dolls.
Yeah, I would love to have sex with a real doll on Delaude, right? With a fucking Amistad poster back.

Speaker 2 That's like fantasy.

Speaker 2 I'm mad,

Speaker 2 right? So, um, and you're talking to her, you're like, you know, I directed that movie.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Shiz all over her face.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I have all these fantasies, what I would do. The real doll factory is where you'd go.
I'm trying to genuinely think if that happened. And a bookstore, probably.
A bookstore?

Speaker 2 Yeah, because

Speaker 2 I need to be doing something.

Speaker 2 So I'll be like, I'm going to read. You're not.
Yes, I am. Yes, I am.
You don't read now. What's the difference? I would learn to read.
I'd be so bored.

Speaker 2 You can't just fuck a real doll all day long on the Laden. Try me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eventually, you're like, oh, Hemingway.
Yeah, sun also rises. I don't even know what I would do.

Speaker 2 I can't even imagine what I would do.

Speaker 2 So, how many people are gone of the population? It's like almost everybody. Only a few people are gone.
No, half the population is possible. Oh, well, that's a lot of people still left.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, but I have scenarios in my brain when I go to bed. I think of these things.

Speaker 2 Imagine if there's only 50 people

Speaker 2 on planet Earth. You're never going to run into anybody.
So what would you do? You're never going to. So you're alone, basically.
This is the scenario. Yeah.
What would you do?

Speaker 2 The first thing I would do. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You can't kill yourself.

Speaker 2 Boring. Boring.
Yeah. Don't kill yourself.
No, you want, well, I'd stay alive. But you're never going to see anybody again.
So you're the last person on earth. Basically, yeah.

Speaker 2 You don't know that they're there, the 50. So you're never going to see them.

Speaker 2 But what if? What if you run into one of them? Yeah, yeah. And it's the most annoying guy.

Speaker 2 Like, who would be the annoying, you think?

Speaker 2 To have on earth. Yeah.
It's not going to also be because it's like, if there's 50 people. Like a teacher from high school that's still around right

Speaker 2 and there's probably half of them are women right probably

Speaker 2 and then probably seven of them that'd be great if it was 49 dudes and one chick and you got to go find her oh wow the hunt

Speaker 2 no no no

Speaker 2 so what would you do 50 people all right the first thing you do first thing i do yeah boom everyone's gone clothes drop yeah boom what do i do well at first you would go like what what's going on all that what's going on panic panic sheer panic so So after a week, you find out, you know what I mean, that there's no one around, then what do you do?

Speaker 2 I go to downtown L.A.,

Speaker 2 go to Skid Row. Because the bodies are gone, but the drugs are still there, right?

Speaker 2 Right? You know, they leave all the belongings.

Speaker 2 I mean, there are other drugs other places. Where are they? CBS.
No, no, I'm talking about H. I'm riding the horse.
I want a heroin. So I'm going downtown, kiddo.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm going to a safe needle drop spot. Yeah, yeah.
And I'm grabbing those needs, jamming them in my arm.

Speaker 2 And also downtown, there's a Lamborghini dealership, and I'm grabbing one of those things, and I'm on the horse as I'm flying through LA on that stuff, dude.

Speaker 2 Whoa, and I'm driving right to the sunset on the 10. Yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 Just horsed out of my mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Whoa, dude. Yeah, right.
Dude, going as fast as I can, just slamming into shit. And then as soon as I get to the beach, we're watching it meets the water, right off of the pier into the ocean.
No.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I'm jerking off.

Speaker 2 Wow. 100%.

Speaker 2 But here's the horror. What if you can't die?

Speaker 2 Oh, shit. Like groundhog.
Yeah, like grown up. You can't die.
Well, then you find a new fun thing to do every single day. Right.
I would jump.

Speaker 2 Well, a couple of times you want to jump off of something. You want to know what that feels like.
Yeah. Also, fashion, you can just wear whatever you want.
Well, I'd be naked. I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm not going to bother with clothes. Socks and underground.
And have like those gigantic green rave pants.

Speaker 2 Right. With the loops.

Speaker 2 I've always wanted to wear one of those little fucking hats with the little propeller.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 And you know what I would wear? One of those, like, you know, the Eric Griffin masks?

Speaker 2 Oh, the big nose. The big nose with Eric Griffin masks.

Speaker 2 Right? And I would probably take a tattoo gun and just be. Tattooing yourself.
I always would post Malone. Yeah.
On the face. Yeah.
But would I put just like a bunch of fours?

Speaker 2 Four, four, just all over my face.

Speaker 2 Some arbitrary number, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then all of a sudden they come back.

Speaker 2 Then I'm going to be like, what? I got needles in my arm.

Speaker 2 Where have you guys been? Insane. My teeth are all gone.
Yeah. Wow.
It'd be fun to pull out a tooth. That would be fun.
Oh, that's yeah. The things that could go wrong.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what would go wrong. What if you get sick? Oh, yeah.
Well, this is. Like, I don't know how chemo works.
Or how to get it.

Speaker 2 I don't even know if I have, how do you even know you have cancer? I go to the scripts. There's no one there.
I don't even know. I press a button.
I don't know what to do.

Speaker 2 You just sit in the machines by yourself. Boo-doo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. You print it out.
I can't read this. Yeah.
And you leave. Wow.

Speaker 2 That'd be a nightmare.

Speaker 2 And you know what the lesson in life is, guys? We need people. So be nice to each other.
That's exactly what the lesson is. We need each other.

Speaker 2 We don't want a society without whether we agree or disagree. We need each other.

Speaker 2 You know, I mean that. Yeah.
Here's another fantasy I have at night. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I need fantasies before I go to bed. And over the years, I just put scenarios in my head.
And I go, what if this happens? So

Speaker 2 I'm a big fan of the movie Highlander. Love.

Speaker 2 Right. So what if you couldn't die, but you were born from the beginning of time?

Speaker 2 Right. And you had to just live through time.
So

Speaker 2 you're immortal. Yeah.
But

Speaker 2 in my head, it's like, if I looked five foot two in Asian, I could only hang out in Korea until like 1960.

Speaker 2 In my mind, I think that, right? Because

Speaker 2 there's no part of history

Speaker 2 where I'd be completely accepted. You know what I mean? Well, yeah.
What do you mean? What do you mean?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? What do I mean?

Speaker 2 What place would you be accepted for? What Korea, China? I'd probably learn all the languages.

Speaker 2 Asian and

Speaker 2 past for a Mexican. Abru.
See? Oh, right, man. Maybe he sold me out of it.
I probably wouldn't even know how to get there until 1960. If I was you.
Yeah. And I wanted to last from the beginning.

Speaker 2 It'd be the islands. Oh,

Speaker 2 anywhere on on an island. Any island.
Any island. They're never going to fuck with you because you look so native

Speaker 2 to a place surrounded by water. You look like a guy.
Thank you so much for saying that. I've always thought that, but thank you for saying that.
Am I wrong? Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 You look like a water boy. Yeah, yeah.
But then who would I have sex with?

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Nick, you're not around. Who would you have sex with on the island? Yeah.
Well, people would inhabit it. Natives would inhabit it.
Right. Right? Just brown people, like Samoans and stuff.

Speaker 2 It's just dark, yeah. Darker hues.
Oh, darker hues. Darker hues.
Yeah, yeah. But in my mind, yeah.
I wouldn't even see it, know what a white person is, maybe.

Speaker 2 What a blessing.

Speaker 2 But here's the thing: to never see a white. Yeah, but in the, but in my mind, I would have loved to have been at historical places.
Oh, okay. Like,

Speaker 2 like, go to Jesus' shop.

Speaker 2 Did he have a little store? Yeah, yeah, like, yeah, like, oh, this nice Ottoman.

Speaker 2 Not like really get involved. He would probably know who I was.
Like, oh, you're the guy that, you know what I mean, that we, God made from a lot of

Speaker 2 whatever. But what if Jesus, you go in a store and he's real chatty?

Speaker 2 Yeah, like I walk in, ding, ding, ding. Do they, does there, is there like a hey, welcome.
How are you, brother? Hey, I'm just new in town. You know, I'm from

Speaker 2 where are you from? Palestine.

Speaker 2 Welcome. Thank you.
Yeah. Whoa, there's something different about you because at all the other stores, they won't even let me in.
Well, let me tell you something about those other people.

Speaker 2 They don't have a heart like me. Oh, my arm fell off.
Oh, hold on. Whoa.

Speaker 2 You're welcome. Thank you.
What's your name? Jesus.

Speaker 2 Hello, Jesus.

Speaker 2 Last name?

Speaker 2 God.

Speaker 2 Oh, hi. Hi, Jesus, God.
Hi. Hi.
What can I help you with today? What are you looking for? Oh, I'm looking for actually

Speaker 2 a guillotine. Do you make those? We make guillotines.
Yeah. Is that what? Oh, they're called from where I'm from.
Oh, they call them Gilla?

Speaker 2 A guillotine? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Gillia, Gilla. Yeah.
Oh, guillotine. Guillotine.
I've been saying it wrong for a long time. Yeah.
Yeah. Because we get a brochure, a guillotine brochure, and, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It's just spelled guillotine.
I got to tell you, they're going to kill me soon. I got to go.
They're going to be killing me soon. When? Today.
Oh. Yeah.
People I trust a lot. Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Some of my best friends, actually. Oh, because I was ordering to a guy named Paul.
You know him?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good dude. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, good dude. He taught me how to surf last week.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. At the Dead Sea.
Oh, cool. No waves.

Speaker 2 No waves. And we still surfed.
It's an unbelievable. Bodyboarding? Bodyboarding.
Yeah. Cool.
All right. I have a real genuine concern.
I need your help.

Speaker 2 Hold on.

Speaker 2 Because I want to help you. Please.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's got to pray.

Speaker 4 Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangza, Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangzala, Mangza, Maza, Maza, Mazanga, Mazang Mumbaji, Manbaji, Mambaji, Mumbao.

Speaker 2 I love you so much, and I'm going to be here as a friend. This is friend talk

Speaker 2 with Bobby Lee. And I'm going to be an open fucking vessel.
And I am going to, I'm not going to go for comedy. I'm going to go for real.
Okay. So, what is your problem, my friend?

Speaker 2 Are you being serious?

Speaker 2 When I go mumboji, mamma ji, mammoji, mamoji, and I do friend talk, I'm 100% serious. I'm not going to go for comedy.
I need your help.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. I forgot my iCloud password, and I don't know how to reset that fucking thing.

Speaker 2 And it's really been driving me nuts.

Speaker 2 No, what is my, I really have a concern, and I'm being serious about this.

Speaker 2 My memory feels like I'm, I'm slipping away. Dude, I'm not, bro, I swear to fucking God, dude.
The other night, I thought I was losing my memory. I've like started to forget things way more.
Me too.

Speaker 2 Me too. And here's another thing, dude.
The other day I was laying in bed and I was like trying to think of Arsenal players that I'm a big fan of and I couldn't remember like four or five of them.

Speaker 2 What's going on with us? No, I'm being real. Me too.
I'm not making it. It's so there's something in the water.
Something in the water. There's something going on where I'm like forgetting things.

Speaker 2 Or sometimes I'll please play Stardew Valley and I'm like, like, like if I have, I have to pick turnips, or not turnips.

Speaker 2 What was it? Oh, yeah, it was melons. I go, I.
Look, you just forgot that. I forgot that.

Speaker 2 I know. I know.
And I was like running to because I had to pick melons, right? Because I had to make pancake. Oh, Oh, pink cake.
Yeah, because it was a

Speaker 2 pancake? No, pink cake.

Speaker 2 Pink cake. Oh, pink cake.
No, I didn't say it like that. Okay.
All right. Right.
And I'm like, because it was fucking Haley's birthday, right? No, Penny's birthday. I forgot that.
See? Right.

Speaker 2 And then I was running and I was like, what am I running toward? Whoa. Like, I didn't know what I was running toward.
And I go, what was I doing?

Speaker 2 And I had to think for a while. I go, oh, yeah, melon, melon.
What? But when you're running for melons and and you forget it, that's a danger, dude. I've been running for melons my whole life.

Speaker 2 Dude, so what is going on with you? Tell me what you forgot. I'm doing little things now that I used to never do.
My memory's usually, I'm usually very sharp. And well,

Speaker 2 I've always said I have no long-term memory. It's crazy.
It's gone. But the short-term used to be so good, but I'm doing things I used to never do that would bother me.
Like what?

Speaker 2 I'll put a thing somewhere, forget where I put it. And I never do that.

Speaker 2 I lost a car key. Dude.
I lost a car key. Hello.
What is going on? The other day I was like, where's my car key? I'm being real. Where is it? I lost a car key.
It was in my hand. In your hand.

Speaker 2 The woman at the dealership goes, well, you got the car home because I have the second key. And she goes, so it's somewhere in your house.

Speaker 2 Don't, you don't know. I can't.
I cannot tell you. Yeah.
And I'm telling you this, without Find My, I would have no fucking devices. Oh my God.
Thank God for Find My.

Speaker 2 Dude, without Find My, no devices. Isn't that a cousin of yours, Find My?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's what I meant.
My cousin runs around.

Speaker 2 Where's my phone? I find it. And he just runs around, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm forgetting stuff, dude. I'm getting a little worried.
I'm not going to lie. Dude,

Speaker 2 I swear on my life right now, dude. It's scaring me.
I'm literally going through the same thing. It's been in the last couple of weeks.
I go, am I losing my mind?

Speaker 2 In fact, a couple of times, didn't I tell you guys that on this podcast where I go, am I

Speaker 2 forgetting things? Do I seem like I'm losing? Do you remember I said that? But you know what I've learned to humble us out?

Speaker 2 Stress and anxiety can make you feel like you're not remembering stuff, but it's because your brain is overwhelmed. There's too, you know what it is?

Speaker 2 There's too many things clogging up the production line, and so nothing can get produced. My God.
You know when a chip bag gets caught? You know, like a chip bag is like, oh, fuck, and it gets caught.

Speaker 2 And then you boop, boop, another one,

Speaker 2 and it gets another one in there. That's our brain.
That's a chip bag. A chip, a bag of chips in the machining machine.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And all it needs. B9.
Sometimes you get a B7. Yep.
Oh, it meant to be B9. But all you need.
And now you're getting the fucking, you know what I mean? You need A6.

Speaker 2 You drop and knock everything out. Whoa.
And you fucking drop it. I never thought about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm taking an A6 in a couple of days.
You are? I'm A6 and out to Hawaii.

Speaker 2 And what are you going to do there? Golf? Don't even golf. Muka Lakahiki.
You're going to golf there? Manawanaleya. Whoa.
Who are you going with?

Speaker 2 Who you going with?

Speaker 2 Who are you going with?

Speaker 2 A good friend of mine,

Speaker 2 Barbaduke Salamanon.

Speaker 2 Barbaduke Salamanon was my shaman for many years. Oh, I knew you told me about it.
I read his book. Barbaduke Salamanon.
Yeah, yeah. The one thing I hate is the happy nights.

Speaker 2 He makes me wrote Happy Nights. Happy Nights.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He makes me dock.
I don't want to die. He makes me dock with him.
But that's because you're trying to connect energy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Barbaduke is a strange guy.

Speaker 2 When you and I dock, yours swallows up mine.

Speaker 2 It does. And it's like, it's not right.
It's too, the power, your power is too much. No, you know what? It looks like, you know, those little attachments on a vacuum.

Speaker 2 Yours is the attachment hose, and mine is the one that clips it. Oh, right, right, right.

Speaker 2 I suck it in. You suck it so hard.
What does the rest of the summer hold for us? Greatness. We're going to Montana.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Let's make an announcement.
We're going to Montana because Bobby's going up there to shoot a movie or a TV show. A movie.
With who?

Speaker 2 What? Who is in it? That's good.

Speaker 2 Who's in it?

Speaker 2 Why? Who's in it? Jim Belushi. Famous.
You love him? Yeah. What do you mean? Legend.
Yeah, he's the man. Yeah.
According to Jim? Great.

Speaker 2 That guy. That guy.
And he's got a weed show, right? That's great. Isn't that good? And then I'm doing it with Miss Jones.
Oh, my mom. Hi.

Speaker 2 I was downtown in Katie's apartment today, ready to help her with the move. We'll chat tomorrow.

Speaker 2 Is that a translator?

Speaker 2 It's probably that.

Speaker 2 It's probably like a phone translator.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love her so much. When I saw her, I hugged her so deep.

Speaker 2 They were happy to see you when they ran in. I really love them.

Speaker 2 Let me read you this poem, though, real quick. I am the Mayfly, metamorphosising.
Look, I can't even read it. I am the Mayfly metamorphosing on the surface of the river.

Speaker 2 And I am the bird which, when spring comes, arrives in time to eat the mayfly. I am the frog swimming happily.
in the clear pond.

Speaker 2 And I'm also the grass snake who, approaching in silence, feeds itself on the frog. I am the child in Uganda, all skin and bones, my legs as thin as bamboo sticks.

Speaker 2 I am the arms merchant selling deadly weapons to Uganda.

Speaker 2 I am the 12-year-old girl, refugee on a small boat, who throws herself into the ocean after being raped by a sea pirate. I am the pirate, my heart not yet capable of seeing and loving.
Wow.

Speaker 2 What are you looking up? What is that? He goes, wow. Oh, I saw something wild.
What did you see, wild? I was at a coffee shop,

Speaker 2 and the gentleman making the coffee had one. He had two arms, but only one hand.
And it was... Wait, wait, let me stop.
You know me. I need visual

Speaker 2 vision. He had two arms.
He had two arms and what? One hand. One hand was missing.
That gut. Yeah, he had a, yeah.
Okay, the hand's missing. Okay.

Speaker 2 And I didn't notice it until he handed me my coffee. With obviously the nub hand.
Yeah, but the nub was inside my coffee. And he moved it like every piece of it.
Yeah. Got all over the place.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I assume it was the one with the grip. No, like a chess piece.
He went, your move. All right.
Your move. Oh, it's like a rook.
He was rooked upon. Rooked.
Rooked upon. Yeah, rooked upon.

Speaker 2 Latte, rooked upon. I see.
No, but he had, but he had one hand. And honestly, I'm not mocking him at all.
He was unbelievably fast, doing the orders, taking the thing.

Speaker 2 And it was

Speaker 2 so quick. And I thought,

Speaker 2 how is it?

Speaker 2 No fingers? I mean, he, I mean, look. Yeah, yeah.
Move things around like.

Speaker 2 I mean, let's say there's a coffee cup right here, right?

Speaker 2 If it spills, most of the time it's going gonna, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, most of the time it's gonna spill. And maybe the nub is more sensitive.

Speaker 2 It had one of the, you know, the coffee sleeve you put on the outside of a cup? He had that on his nub. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, here's what I don't like. You know, here's what I don't know.
That's very funny. You know what I don't like? When they have a nub, but only two fingers.
Oh, wow. Top thumbs up.

Speaker 2 Get those right. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I mean, it's like, you know, just commit to one.
You know what I would do every time?

Speaker 2 If I did have a nub, every time, like this, like that rock, if I had a nub, I'd be like, yo, throw me that rock. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Toss to me.
Ah, fuck. I would do it with the nub hand.

Speaker 2 I'd try to go for it with the nub hand. And people would laugh.
Yeah, because it's a good bit. Right.

Speaker 2 Like, dude, you know, you got to give yourself a little bit of that. Right, right, right.
Like, he, I don't think he said anything about it.

Speaker 2 But if I'm him, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 No, I don't. I would make a joke about it.
Yeah, dude. You know, you'd have to say something.
Yeah, yeah. He's like, you, uh, you, what kind of milk? What kind of milk do you want? What? Oat milk.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Uh, you want to, do you want anything inside of it? Vanilla? Here's what I don't want.

Speaker 2 Here's what I don't want inside of it. What? Your nub.

Speaker 2 I think it'll taste funny. Excuse me? Yeah, I just don't want nub in my coffee.
You're rubbing my nub the wrong way.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Now rub it for good luck.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.

Speaker 2 You'd have to pound everyone. You'd have to.
Oh, you know what? It'd be cool if you had one hand missing and you saw another guy with one hand. You probably from across the restaurant go.

Speaker 2 And they go, right? Like we relate. Yeah.
Yeah. Now, by the way, did I overtip the guy with with the nub? Yes, you did.
Under tip.

Speaker 2 You need half as much. Right.
Yeah. No, I overtip him.
I put 20 bucks. You always do.
I put 20 bucks in the thing. Yeah.
But, but he's not. It's not like.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? No. Like I'm

Speaker 2 a sucker. You're a sucker.
I felt bad, but it's like, I shouldn't feel bad.

Speaker 2 Well, you see them all the time. Are they burn victims? You see them a lot? Yeah.
When was the last time you saw a burn victim?

Speaker 2 Perump. Perump, Nevada.
Yeah, yeah. That's where they keep them.
Yeah, yeah. I saw one burn victim in Perrump.
You go to Perrump. Yeah, yeah.
You know what I almost did yesterday? Here we go.

Speaker 2 On the way to the store, I almost went to Carney's, and it's been years since I've had a hot dog at Carney's. Love at that place.
I know I should go.

Speaker 2 I don't know. When's the last time you had a hot dog? Yeah.
When's the last time you had a hot dog?

Speaker 2 Three days ago? From Dog House? You eat hot dogs that often. I love hot dogs.
Dude, let me say something about hot dogs. Wait, what? You eat hot dogs with me? Dude, I do.

Speaker 2 That's why I always purposely go to Chicago airport. For the hot dogs.
Because I need a Chicago dog. Me too, but it's a very special occasion.
You're eating a midweek.

Speaker 2 You're eating like a hot dog on a Wednesday? Yeah. That's insane.
I love them hot dogs. And I've been really getting into Smashburgers as of late, but I love Doghouse.
That's nice.

Speaker 2 But always something bad happens at Doghouse. You know why? You know why?

Speaker 2 Why? Why? Because Doghouse is where I found out that my dad was dying.

Speaker 2 Are you serious? Yeah. And you still go back? Yeah, I was in the Burbank Doghouse.
I remember sitting there.

Speaker 2 I didn't even eat my meal you left the dog yeah i left two dogs two dogs and tater tots i got it yeah yeah and i'm puppy you know and i go yeah daddy i go oh

Speaker 2 every time i go to a doghouse something bad kind of happens ever since then you think about your dad yeah maybe that's what it is so sad yeah it's very sad we should go make it a happy we should go to dog house and do something for your dad and you want to do that i would love to do that yeah yeah why have his ashes maybe sprinkle some on there on a dog yeah yeah i usually just do mustard but i can i can

Speaker 2 yeah Bring him the spirit radio. See if he's there.
We should bring the spirit radio to the dog house. See if we can contact your father through dog, through hot dog.
Yeah, please.

Speaker 2 Did your dad like hot dogs? Hated them. That's why.
Fucking hated them. Yeah, maybe he hated them.
Right. You know, I was on.

Speaker 2 This lady goes, I saw the Rolling Stones last weekend and they were great. And she showed me a video.
What the fuck? How?

Speaker 2 The stones? Yeah. How are they still doing it? Yeah, Mick Jagger just going out and still.

Speaker 2 I mean, how's he doing? He's killing it.

Speaker 2 He's probably in the best shape ever. He's 80.
It's amazing Keith Richards is alive because

Speaker 2 he smoked, what, a pack of Marlboro,

Speaker 2 Marlboroughs every day for like 30 years or whatever. Yeah.
And he's still up there. It's proof that it's all bullshit.

Speaker 2 It's an accident. Delaney's young.
She might die tomorrow. Right.

Speaker 2 Who knows?

Speaker 2 You could live to be 96 years old. I know.
Chances are actually higher that you'll outlive.

Speaker 2 In fact, I read a study that says some people that exercise too regularly have a higher risk of dying because stress that exercise puts on your body. It does.
Exercise has stress.

Speaker 2 There are stress-related things that goes to your heart. Yeah, like my organs don't move much.
They don't need to move. Yeah, maybe they're being preserved in my body.
Yeah, you're pickling yourself.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm pickling my own body. That's great.
Heavy stress, heavy stress from, like, people who usually live,

Speaker 2 look, working out's obviously good for you. But people who live a lifestyle that work out often tends to be the same kind of personality traits of people that lose sleep because they're overworking.

Speaker 2 Some people die from drinking water. Never.

Speaker 2 Well, if you drink too much. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There was one girl that did it one time that's the one i'm talking about what's that the girl that died from drinking what did she drink like eight gallons of water no there was a college kid who took molly and he got scared he kept drinking water and died that's how you die on molly you think you're dehydrated indiana woman dies from drinking too much water i wonder what the like the um the first sign is a pain a dizziness they say dizziness and and you start to get headache real bad headache and then you drink more water thinking that'll help your headache

Speaker 2 interesting that is crazy man it's like when you know somebody's on like a reality show like alone or

Speaker 2 naked and afraid. Yeah.
They can't eat right away. No, because they're like, I'm going to get a fucking Philly cheese.

Speaker 2 That would kill you. Well,

Speaker 2 they throw up usually. Your stomach is shrunk by that point.
Well, you could die, maybe even.

Speaker 2 What's the first thing you would eat? Peanut.

Speaker 2 A peanut? Like, if I'm on a show alone, like, I go, okay, give me a peanut first. I don't want to die.
I don't overwhelm my system.

Speaker 2 One peanut shifts in electrode levels can cause serious complications, including seizures, heart failure, and comas. If you just got off the show, you and I did naked in a fridge.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 All right? Yeah. We're done.
They're like anywhere you want to go, anything you want to eat. You don't go to right to fucking Barcelona and go to a restaurant.
No, you, you have to go to a camp.

Speaker 2 They, they, they have doctors and stuff that observe your body. I know, I'm saying the first meal you have when you get home.

Speaker 2 But is this right when I'm off the show or when I go home? Pretend that it is. For the sake of the show.
Are we going home together? You and I? Yeah. We're going out to eat together.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So we would probably go to what restaurant would we go to? Mastros.

Speaker 2 okay i would want steak i'd want steak potatoes vegetables salad i'd want a fucking little little bone marrow

Speaker 2 i would slurp up some bone marrow and that bacon that that that cracked bacon i want cracked cracked bacon yeah sugar cracked bacon baby and then i would get seafood tower

Speaker 2 oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh you know what we get caviar

Speaker 2 with creme frache right on potatoes on your nipples i'll lick them off you really yeah yeah yeah it doesn't even have to be creme frache for me it could be your my my creme frache yeah yeah my creme

Speaker 2 I mean, I would literally probably do that if I was starving. You're hungry enough.
Yeah, yeah. If I had some like caviar.
That I'd make you watch me cook, you know?

Speaker 2 You'd stand right there while I'm cooking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, anyway. If you're going to eat the chef's meals.
And the chef's got to taste his, you know, he has to spoon in his own. That's enough.
I don't think bread would be good, would it? Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, like a whole sourdough bread. Dude, we went to

Speaker 2 dinner a couple nights ago. I ate a whole, you know, when they bring out the bread basket, I ate the whole thing to myself.
Oh, I love it. I fucking housed it.
Housed it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 My wife is like, What are you doing? Yeah. I was like, We didn't eat lunch.
I'm a hospital. There's sticks in there.
Oh, yeah. You like when they do that? I'll eat the sticks.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't like the sticks. You don't like the breadsticks? I like the warm, like, bready bread.
You like the pretzel bread. That's what you like.
How do you know that? That's my favorite.

Speaker 2 How do you know that? Because we eat together. That's right.
I love the pretzel bread. Oh, yeah.
I love pretzel buns on like hot dogs.

Speaker 2 And you know who has it? I don't care what you say. Wiener schitzel.
Yeah, yeah, I know you like that. Chicago dog with a pretzel bun.
That's it, dude. Wiener schnitz.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you my glorious day of eating.

Speaker 2 A perfect day of eating for breakfast. Like we said, baked beans.
Pussy. Oh, sorry.
Yeah. Of course, pussy.
Yeah, yeah. Baked beans.
Your perfect breakfast. That's my second breakfast.
Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Your perfect breakfast is

Speaker 2 spam,

Speaker 2 rice, egg, and kimchi. Done.
Lunch, Chicago dog with the pretzel bun, tater tots with some sort of spicy like dip. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Spicy mayo. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dinner. Now here we go.
Here we go. I don't know.

Speaker 2 That's what I mean. I don't know.
There's so many options. Too many.
Yeah. The Chicago Cubs have invited me to throw out the first pitch and sing the seventh inning stretch in Chicago.
No.

Speaker 2 September 6th against the New York Yankees. Wow.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. I would love for you to be there.
I can't. Okay.

Speaker 2 I will not be there. Fine.
I'm going to watch you pitch. You're your mind? You'll come out with me.
No, I'm not going out there, dude. Come on.
They're not going to know me. You'll be the catcher.

Speaker 2 I'll be the pitcher, just like in real life.

Speaker 2 K-Sach joke.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. That's a huge thing, dude.
I can't wait, man. They reached out and they said

Speaker 2 they would love for me to do it. So I'm going to throw out the first pitch.
So you and I, here's what I want to do. I need to warm up.
Will you do... I'll do it.
Will you warm me up?

Speaker 2 I'll warm you up, dude. Okay, so.
Congratulations, though. You want to watch me warm up on Patreon? You got to watch me and Bobby are going to go.
In honor of Brody Stevens, we'll go to a cage in,

Speaker 2 what is it?

Speaker 2 Huh? Sepulveda. We'll go to one of those cages up north in the valley somewhere where he used to throw.
Congratulations. It's a huge thing.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Santino. Yeah, I'm going to get to throw out the first pitch and sitting in the seventh-inning stretch, which I can't wait.
It's funny how you don't think your friend is big, but they are.

Speaker 2 You don't think I'm

Speaker 2 so mean? No, you know, no,

Speaker 2 I mean, you don't look at me like

Speaker 2 I'm just your friend Bob. Bob you don't think of like

Speaker 2 What you know I don't think of you like a famous guy

Speaker 2 Yeah I do yeah, I seem to yeah same to you to it, but you but you know yeah It takes you out of it's just weird well when you see like you I'll see like you know Nikki Glazier on something I go oh shit Yeah, well, she's on everything.

Speaker 2 Yeah, or any of your friends. Well, you watch a movie and go, oh fuck.
That guy's in the movie. Oh yeah, he's my friend.
He's in a movie. Yeah, yeah.
Thank you for being bad friend friend of.

Speaker 2 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 Tired, guys. Heads up.
I mean, it's.

Speaker 2 He ran around all fucking day. The guy had shit to do all fucking day.
I did. He had to go to a fucking meeting, go to a podcast.
He had to go return a motorcycle.

Speaker 2 He had to go meet someone at his old house.

Speaker 2 He had to meet someone at his new house. Then he had to run back across town and do errands.

Speaker 2 And then on top of that, he had to take a couple of meeting phone calls about writing projects he's involved in. Dude, the guy's been working on it.

Speaker 2 You know, that's fucking Andrew was very busy too, guys. You know? All day.
You got to wake up, hang out with his fucking Hollywood friends at the golf studio, playing golf, do a couple teas.

Speaker 2 Everything I named today. Eight or nine teas.

Speaker 2 Everything I named, I did today. I did the same thing.
You didn't do shit. You woke up and you didn't do shit.
No, I didn't. Fuck you.
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
I'm tired. Suck my fucking dick.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up. You don't do shit.
Shut the fuck up. Okay? Back to the old days.
We're going back to the beginning of Bad Fear. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Shut up. Shut the fuck up.
up. You don't do shit.

Speaker 2 You know what? Sleep all fucking up. I'll tell you this then.
You contribute

Speaker 2 goose. Goose egg.
Your lips are so dry and blending into your face that I can't even tell that there is lips, okay? Get your shit together. Get some lips.
Yeah, that's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And your cute little bump teeth coming out, dude. You're hitting it hard.
You're a beaver. You're hitting it hard.
You're a beaver, dude.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? You're hitting it hard. You want some wood? Make a dam, whatever they do.
You know what I mean? Clog it up, dude. Clog up the river, dude.
This is good. You piece of...

Speaker 2 What are you wearing, my friend?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
You know what he's wearing? What Josh Vol was wearing after the murder at Pulp Fiction, remember? Shut the fuck up. Get your foot together, dude.

Speaker 2 What's wrong with it? Oh, my God. Your legs, too.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 it's out of control, dude. Don't fuck around, dude.
You ready to get started? Don't fuck. Shut the fuck up.
Tell me what's going on.

Speaker 2 See, this is when I know when he's not good. Fat fuck.

Speaker 2 Oh, because I'm morbidly obese.

Speaker 2 I put my fucking weight and my height in a fucking app thing. It said I was morbidly a beast.
You're going to tease me like that?