Bobby Out Raps mgk

Hey!

Hey!

Badfriendsmirk.com!

We got new shirts.

Yeah, I love them.

What are these shirts from?

Look at little baby Bobby on the cover of what was the Nirvana album.

Yeah, yeah.

When I was a senior in high school, this album came out and it really influenced me.

And I was in kindergarten.

We love this album.

This is an homage.

Yeah.

It's a tip of the hat to-

Nevermind Nirvana.

Also, we have posters.

We have posters, dude.

You don't have to buy just the shirt of this.

You can buy the poster if you want to hang that in your wall. Hang it in your wall.
Hang it in your wall. Right inside of your wall.
Go to badfriendsmerch.com badfriendsmerch.com. Hey, Bad Friends.
I'm on tour in the fall gearing up to shoot my hour. I'm going to be in Frank, California, Indianapolis, Charlotte, Waukee, Omaha, Kansas City, Cleveland, St.
Louis, Grand Rapids, Detroit, New Orleans san antonio chicago durham atlanta charleston philly new york phoenix san francisco san diego boston and minneapolis uh go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets andrewsantino.com you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an asian dude you two are. We're bad friends.
I wonder if there's nepotism in porn. Like Ron Jeremy's son has a small...
Let's not talk about Ron Jeremy. He's in prison.
Is that how you want to start today? John Holmes. He's dead.
Give me one alive porn star. Male.
Yeah. Rocco Siegfriedi.
What? Rocco Siegfriedi. Who's that? Rocco Siegfriedi? Yeah, this is the biggest one.
Italian. Oh, he's an Italian.
That's a woman, dude. Rocco Siegfriedi is an Italian pornographic actor.
Wow. You know your male porn stars.
Yeah. That was a really...
Oh. Yeah, I get it.
I've seen him in movies. He's so good.
You've seen this guy, though. I've seen him.
Colson, have you seen that guy in porn? I guess it's just his face, so it's hard to say. Yeah, yeah.
I have to see his dick. Right.
I have to see the dick. Yeah, yeah.
That's funny. I only look at their face.
When they go to talk, I look away. There it is.
Does that look familiar? Yeah. Great.
Yeah, I know Coles. I know.
I'm not Coles. I don't say Coles.
I know, isn't it? I know. That's your name? Coles? No.
It's got to be similar size. Yeah.
Yeah. That's got to be.
What is it? That's 10 and a half is huge. One time I was in, back in the day when there was no internet.
Yeah. And you'd have to go to the, I lived in San Diego, so I had to go to the F Street bookstore.
That was the porn bookstore? Yeah. And in the back, you know the videos, right? Yeah.
And the one time I was like, this is good, right? I was jerking off feverishly. Because you also – I didn't have a lot of money, so there's a timer.
You have to do it feverishly. You're racing against the clock? Right.
And then there was like one of this guy was from behind, a girl, and I was doing feverishly. And then they panned out with two dudes.
And then right when I saw it was two dudes, I nutted. It's a little too late.
Anyway. You want to introduce our guest? Yeah, start new.
Introduce our guest. Do I realize, are you Slenderman? Anyway, let's move on.
He's kind of Slenderman-y. You know what I mean? Anyway.
Anyway, so I know you. You saved my friend's life, by the way.
That's right. Oh, that was quite the ride.
It was the wildest. I have a gift for you, by the way.
I've never seen someone passed out for so long in my life. Oh, wow.
I brought back your sweater. I told you.
Okay, I'll take it. I thought that was a nice.
I thought it's a give and it's a get. We have a sweater for you.
Ryan, come give him one of ours. Does it have your puke on it? Yeah.
Puke and piss. So we got Colson, MGK.
Give him our MGK. MGK is in the house today.
Give himk's in the house right so um mgk colson from your point of view tell me the story what you saw that so andrew was okay go ahead i it was just he was so normal and this is what i talked about after you in the bathroom with megan i was like but he was so like coherent right like how did how did what was he I did you did you hear anything I said we had like a 40 minute talk before the plane took off I do the whole time I was thinking I'm about to puke I'm about to throw up so I hope I hope I don't throw up in the middle of this conversation and in my mind I thought I'm gonna be talking to him and I'm gonna look over at Megan she's gonna smile and I'm gonna throw up all over all over her that was my biggest fear if I puked on you I thought fine it's sure homie's fine no big deal and then the whole time I was like man I'm not feeling good but it wasn't like a communicable sick I just felt wrong by the way it was just one of the most I for someone who I just met for the first time I asked you an absurd amount of questions too so it was just like were you a fan of you knew who Andrew was for sure for sure and I've watched the show so I but I was just it was just like such an overloaded with questions conversation that I normally wouldn't even be hitting people with so the fact that I chose the most like so sick dude for four days after that I had so I had a gastrointestinal bug I lost nine pounds what was it nine pounds I was on the, for four days after that, so I had a gastrointestinal bug. I lost nine pounds.
What was it? Nine pounds. I was on the toilet for four days straight.
I went to the hospital twice. That's the first time I ever had to help someone get an oxygen tank out of the secret compartment in an airplane.
Whoa. I ripped through three of them, dude.
She couldn't reach it, and so I just became involved at that point. What a good dude, because if I saw him, even if we have a podcast, I wouldn't ignore him.
I would have been like, I don't know him. Is that a good bit? Part of it was also.
Is that a good bit? Yeah, it's a good bit. Yeah, it's not.
It's not a good bit? You'd be so concerned for me. No, I don't think so, dude.
He was talking to me. And then he came to the bathroom and he was like, are you okay? Are you okay, dog? Is it a good? And I was like, I don't think so.
Wow. But I also was like, I don't want you here right now.
Because I was so embarrassed already. Yeah, yeah.
And I was like, man, of all people, why did he have to be on the flight? The funny thing was, there was a lady in the back whose only concern was that she had to use the coach bathroom. That you were blocking up the only first class bathroom.
Really? There was a lady that was back there. That piece of garbage.
She was like, is that your friend? So like, I mean, how long do you think? Because he's in the only bathroom I can use. I'm like, oh, there's a bathroom back there.
She's like, I paid for these seats. Oh, damn.
That's a bad human being. That's a bad human being.
You can't go to the bathroom. That would have been me.
That's it. I'm sure.
By the way, I would have just sat next to the toilet and be like, go ahead. Just go right next to me.
No, you would let me, right? 100%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, they gave me Nar and everything so you gave you also gave him your sweatshirt yeah yeah he i want when i walked up to the bathroom he like looked up he's like oh and it was just puke everywhere oh my god and so yeah i just why are you laughing at your boss yeah don't don't do that it's not strike one man let's strike one keep it up yeah yeah no he offered me a sweater which was so nice nice. And I literally said, because I took off my sweater.
And then he goes, do you want my sweater? I was like, no, dude, I have piss and puke all over me. And he goes, dude, I don't give a shit.
And that's when I fell in love. Bro.
Piss and puke all over. I was like, he didn't care at all.
Bro, not only do you look like Slender Man, all right? But also, you have a probably, I've never seen your genitals, but probably great. Huge.
You're a very talented musician. Thank you.
But now we know that you're a good human being. Oh, man.
And so it just puts flutterly butterflies in my mind. Give him a round of applause.
So great. You know, you have a wraith.
I have three wraiths at home. You guys have a Chinese cat.
I was just shooting a video with the, I just did this arm pump and then I was just like, man, that's like I'm doing the Chinese cat. Oh, I thought you pointed me and called me a Chinese cat.
Yeah, you did. You are my Chinese cat.
Am I? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is it a Japanese cat? I don't want it.
Yeah, no, no. It's okay, Colson.
I call them ching chong cats, too. All right? Chat cats.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, first of all, cat.
I mean, what's the obsession with cats with Asia? Well, I mean, you're not going to mortalize dogs because you're not going to frame food, you know? Oh, God. What is the obsession? Why is it the cat? What is the obsession with it? It's funny because we've had this since we started the show.
This was on our desk when we started the show four years ago. And it's never left for some reason.
Well, I went to an island in Japan where the whole island was only cat statues. It was thousands and thousands.
Which island? I don't know. Were there cats? No.
But in my house, there's a bunch of cats. Bro, how many do you have? I have three.
He's got three. Bro, bro, bro.
Bro, bro. He's got three.
Bro, bro bro you have three cats bro bro there's something no no not no no no not yet no but bro let me say something that says a lot about you and this is a lot about me as well we're big dick people yeah yeah yeah we're big dick people no i don't know if that's that's the same. That's what it means.
Right? Marlon Brando had cats. Sick.

Big dick guy.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'm going to say, let me just say something to you, everyone in this room, okay?

I'm tired of people calling me a small little dick guy.

Yeah, dude, it's not.

It's not right.

It's not right.

It's not wrong or right.

First of all.

Yeah, yeah.

It is right.

It's not right.

It's right.

No.

I'll tell you why.

It's right.

No.

I have a girl, lady friend.

And she validated you now? She's like, dude, you have medium. Great.
No, we measured it and everything. Dude, now we can hug.
Now we can hug. Dude, I'm medium dick, dude.
Medium, dude. I'm medium dick, dude.
You upgraded, dude. That's an upgrade.
Yeah, dude. That's an upgrade.
I'm tired of this shit, dude. You are the one that perpetuated it.
My feet are nine. Why are you laughing, dude? My feet are size nine.
It's all connected. It's a good thing.
Let's move on from it. I don't want to talk about my genitals again.
You brought it up. I know.
I'm just sorry. I don't know.
What's the name of your cats? You want to name your cats? Whiskey, Tickets, and Navi. Whoa.
Tickets is great. You want to know mine? Yeah.
Ming, Gooner, and Bojo. One more time? Ming.
Yeah. Gooner.
Gooner. And Bojo.
And Bojo. Okay, so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gooner after Arsenal, the soccer team.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
Ming after his mom, who passed away, and she came back to life as the cat, we think. No, she's still alive.
She is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know what to laugh at.
And then we have Bojo, which is Bobby Jr. That's right.
And we call him Bojo. Ah, that's cool.
And he looks the most like him. He's fat.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, they have the same vibe. But what do you mean? He doesn't do shit.
That's right. Right.
That's right. He's the sleepiest, the laziest.
Yeah, and it's like, you know, they think they're in Cirque du Soleil or something. I can they're ruining his entire house yeah like on top of the fridge I buy them beds but still they're just sleeping on top of the fridge like half the body you're dangling do your cats do that they sleep wherever they want yeah there's 8 million beds they choose like cardboard boxes with towels and a snare drum but do you buy fancy or no what do you say wait stop stop stop you understood what I said do you buy fancy yeah no? What did you say? Wait, stop, stop, stop.
You understood what I said. Do you buy fancy?

Yeah.

Yeah, thank you.

The food?

No, he needs.

No, no.

Do you buy fancy beds?

Absolutely.

Sorry, I'm yelling.

He's our guest.

Don't yell at our guest.

You're right, you're right.

Sorry you saved my friend's life.

I buy ridiculous cat beds.

They have palm trees.

Yeah.

Elevated.

Right.

I have those too, but I find that whenever I buy a fancy thing, they'd rather go the furnace or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah.
Yeah,ated. Right.
I have those too, but I find that whenever I buy a fancy thing,

they rather go the furnace or whatever.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You find that or no?

I do.

Why do you think that?

He built a cat sanctuary in his backyard.

And they haven't been in there.

How much was it?

Tell them how much was it.

10, 15 grand.

Yeah.

And they don't ever go out there.

Yeah.

Literally ever once.

I don't think I've seen a cat in your house,

outside of your house.

They haven't. But I want to say this, Colson, from now on, okay, can you understand me now? Yeah.
Okay, I love you. I love this guy.
I know. I've ran into you a couple of times now.
Yeah. Where? Comedy store? In the main room.
Yeah. Backstage.
Backstage, yeah. There's never a rapport between because I think it's, I'm scared.
that? Because you're at Machine Gun Kelly I think you're intimidated You're intimidated a little bit But now that we broke this barrier Now there's gonna be What's You know in front of everybody What's up You know what I mean What's up Colson I can call you Colson He's working on his His hip hop presence He wants to be Yeah I feel very Yeah Yeah What's up Is this working? That might make me like... Nah, dog, shit.
Colson, player. Lace up, dog.
Lace up. What do you think about Bobby blacking out an arm? You've talked about this.
Yeah? Because you're full. Yeah, I've left windows to the old, but is this a joke? No, no, no.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
He's talked about blacking out an arm. Yeah, yeah.
Just one. What do you think of me blacking out? An arm, I mean.
I think it would look rad. You do? Yeah, for sure.
Yeah, yeah. I will be upset if you do the go to sleep thing to get it.
I think that's super lame. What do you mean? People pass out when they do it? No, when people get put under to get the tattoos.
Oh, that's a thing? I don't know about that. No, those are for weaklings.
I just think part of the culture is to earn it. Dude, I earned my pain.
Yeah, yeah. So I think it would be sick.
What if I did the face? Would that be black face? That would be a very bad, bad decision. Well, if you did, it'd be Brackface.

It would be... Oh, my God.

Oh, I can't do Brackface?

No Brackface for you, buddy.

No way.

But, I mean, would it be?

Because if you can tattoo the whole arm...

Why can't you do the whole face?

That's black arm.

Yeah.

I can't do blackface.

Brack.

Yeah, I think it's just...

All right.

Anything above the...

What about half? Yeah, it'd be half Brack? Yeah, half Brack. Yeah, anyway.
What are you doing, dude? He's rolling up some. I have really bad, like, anxiety.
Oh, you do? Really bad. You want to smoke a weed? Public anxiety, so I just have to do something with my hands.
I'm just rolling a cigarette. Oh, really? I like it.
I mean, I have pre-rolled. You don't like these? I like those.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the yellow box.
Why does yours have trees and flowers on them? Because I special order them from American Spirit. I don't do standard.
Cool. I mean, I want fancy fuckers.
He's got to stand out. He likes the nicest version of the nicest thing.
Right. Needs to have it.
I need the nicest one. Have you ever thought? Nothing on the face, though.
You won't do it. You know, I don't think so.
I have stuff on my head. You know, like if you shave my head, you'll see.
You'll uncover things like a hidden treasure. What is a treasure? Like messages? Yeah, I shave my head to find out.
Oh, right, right. But are there messages? Yeah.
Whoa. You know what would be dope? A treasure map buried under map buried under your hair that'd be sick and then when you die like if you hid your money somewhere tattooed the map to your head right and then when you die then they can shave it and unearth this wow that's actually sick yeah we should really would you have like no you know what I would do no fuck that shit right because you're gonna do wait fuck my idea you just Wait, fuck my idea? You just said yes, it was great, then you shit on it.
No, no, I'm going to double make it better. Okay.
Can I make your idea better? Please. All right? You can't make it that easy.
You can't go Peoria, Illinois in a vault or whatever, whatever, right? No point, right? What you do, you do landmarks. Oh, right.
Right? So what you do is like, you know what I mean? Some, like... The St.
Louis Arch. There it is.
Fuck, bro. That's exactly what I was doing, the St.
Louis Arch. It does look like that.
Right. What's that one? Upside down.
Flip it. Flip it.
Imagine if you flipped. There's a new symbol.
What is that? What is this new symbol? That's obviously Cairo, Egypt. Bro, dude! Yeah, he's good.
Dude, my fucking symbols are working today, dude. Give me one more.
Oh, what's that one? That's the Leaning Tower of Pisa. That's right.
Fuck. You and I should go on a game show, dude.
Whatever that is. What is that? Some game show that they have.
Is there a... Give me one more.
What? That's racist. That's my dad.
That's my dad now. But anyway, wow.
Give me a symbol. Let me see if I can do it.
That's Beirut. No? That's the Parthenon.
Bam. Oh, not Beirut? No, it's Parthenon, dude.
I don't know. Do you know where the Parthenon is? I don't know.
I don't think I know any landmarks, but let me try another one. Let me try another one.
Empire State's buildings. Multiple? All three of them.
Well, they took down two of them, didn't they? Yeah, they did. Let me put this back on.
I know you're excited for him today. By the way, he's so excited to see you today.
I'm so excited. Because he gets a little sweaty and jumpy when he gets excited for someone we like.
I get so excited about new people. I really do.

I'm super nervous, so I hope that I don't.

You shouldn't be.

You're killing it, and you're in the pocket, and no need to be.

I'll show you who's exponentially more nervous than you could ever be.

Okay.

Right?

Ryan, come here for a second.

This is our intern, Ryan.

Look at him.

Ryan, do you know who MGK is?

Of course, of course.

What's one of your favorite songs by MGK? My favorite would be Invincible, the one you sang at WrestleMania. Oh, man, thank you.
I watched that as a kid. I was a huge John Cena fan.
That was the first time I got booed by 80,000 people. You got booed? Because you have to play into the storyline of The Rock versus John Cena, and I was bringing out John Cena, and it was in Miami in The Rock's hometown, and I thought it would be a really good idea to be like, fuck the rock.
It's crazy. And I just, you know, but they boo, but they love you.
It's love. It's the heel.
It's the heel theory, right? It's like you become the enemy. So you're a hardcore John Cena fan.
I was growing up. Yeah, you're still growing up.
What the fuck are you talking about? You're not grown yet. Who else did you like growing up? Like wrestlers? No, just in general.
I'm always big into movies. He's like John Wayne Gacy.
I love. Yeah.
I'm in a movie with John Cena about to come out. What is it? What's it called? It's called Jackpot.
Jackpot. I'm in there.
Aquafina's in it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, we love her.
I love Nora. She's so cool.
Did you work with her? I did. Nora's a good- I love Nora.
She's the best. Wait, oh, I saw a trailer for this.
Yeah, I'm in it very shortly. I don't want to pitch it as if I'm like a, you know, a character.
But you know who else is in this? That's my cameo right there. The top left.
Top left, click on that. Whoa, let me see.
That's my like MGK room. That's why it's pink.
Wow. And that's my signature guitar right there.
Is that your arm? Whose arm is that? Unfortunately, I'm not that buff. Wait a minute.
Is that your actual guitar in the show? That's my actual guitar. You brought it.
When you do something like this, right? Like if you do a shoot, whether it's a film or a music video or anything like that, do you always dress it with your shit? No. The joke was that I was playing MGK in the movie.
So I was myself, which of course upset a lot of people. And by a lot, I mean like two bad comments.
MGK, when you're on a movie set, when you're acting, do you get nervous or you're good? I get more nervous for stuff like this, like quick cameos, because you only have like, you know, what, two minutes to like make an impression on a hour long movie.

So, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was on a show called Sean Saves the World.

Yeah.

It was a sitcom.

Yeah.

And I had.

So there was a.

He opens the door.

I have to say a line quickly.

What's the line?

I forgot.

Yeah.

Like probably something.

Hey, how are you?

Right.

But I kept repeating the line in my mind. And, you know, it's a front of a live audience.
And as soon as the door. Yeah.
Like, probably something. Hey, how are you? Right? But I kept repeating the line in my mind.

And, you know, it's in front of a live audience.

And as soon as the door.

Yeah, that.

I was on that.

As soon as the door opened, I go, how are we?

Because I thought about it.

I guess some audiences probably understood it.

I know.

They redid it.

Right.

But I got.

Well, as a director, would you have me do it over again? I'd have fired you on the spot. You would have fired me? Was this a multicam? Yeah.
Fired immediately. Look at me, dude.
Handsome. Because you gotta be so on point for multicam.
You gotta be... But do I look nervous there? A hundred percent.
I do. I'm petrified.
Yeah, you're staring right at his chest. I have a question.
Yeah, go ahead. So on like Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and sitcoms, like when the audience is laughing, there's an actual audience there? There is.
And then what they call sweeten it. So they- They sweeten it.
They sweeten it. They put more laughs on top of the laughs.
So what if you have to do a take six times? It has to be funny six times? No, they do do a take six times. Then sometimes they just interject more laughs into where the laughs are.
But also the audience gets it. Uh-huh.
Right? So they kind of pretend. They almost like that's oh yeah yeah it's like this positive what it's like this show we laugh all the time we're gonna turn off your mic any second yeah yeah keep that bullshit yeah it's bullshit then what you're doing no but this is what's interesting about that world that you're asking is is like people go to a taping expecting one thing they're like we're gonna be there for the recording of the show like as if it would be a 30 minute tape no they're there for hours and hours it's like a 10 hour event it's a long long it sucks because they're changing and then when they change scenes and rooms it's different stages so the audiences sometimes have to move and it's it's way bigger than people think and i think when people go once that might be the last time they go they're like it was cool we saw it but it's a it yeah, yeah.
You're watching people work. Or sometimes they're paid to be there.
A lot of times they pay, yeah. Yeah, they paper the room, so they're like, what if it's a big show? If it's what? A big show.
Like what? Give me a show. Boy Meets World.
Yeah, they did. That's what came to mind? Yeah.
I've never even heard of that. Who's that? Boy Meets World? Boy Meets World? Yeah, I don't know Boy Meets World.
Is it a white show? What the fuck are you talking about? I've never heard of it. It's a white show it's definitely it's a white show for sure.
Yeah, boy meets world. Yeah, I've heard of Seinfeld friends.
Come on Come on was come on on me. Yeah, come on.
It's a good show. Just pop out going No, what's boy meets world beat is it a black show? It's yeah, it's no other black people in it.
No, it's a very white show. Okay, okay, so who's in it? Ben Savage, Fred Savage's brother and that's no other black people in it no it's a very white show okay okay so who's in it

ben savage fred savage's brother uh and that's topanga right there oh fred savage is there

yeah i have a problem with him no that's that's ben savage okay but like martin like people come

they just martin same thing yeah yeah they would stay there but the thing is back then it was much

more like it was a cultural thing right slowly multi-cams have you know become less and less

Thank you. there but the thing is back then it was much more like it was a cultural thing right slowly multi-cams have you know become less and less popular now single camera television has taken over there's boy meets world there's yeah i mean now i don't think you'd have to pay oh my god dude what i was watching curb your enthusiasm last night you're in it i popped up in that yeah he.
Yeah. He's in it too.
You're in it. It's okay.

He needs the attention.

You have to tell him he was in it too.

But did I get to the episode yet?

I haven't seen you, Bobby, yet. I haven't got to the episode.

No, what season did you do?

I just saw him yesterday.

If I wouldn't have put it on yesterday,

I wouldn't have seen him in it.

I'm so sorry, Bobby.

I'm about to see yours tonight, I'm sure.

I'm sure it's great.

And it's probably better than Andrew.

So it's all good.

What season is yours?

This is like nine.

Yeah.

You don't start with number one?

You're in season one?

I'm in season five. You're in season five? Yeah, yeah.
You don't start. Wait, wait.
Dude. Fuck you, Coulson.
Don't look away from me. I'm not afraid.
Wait, what happened? No, I'm going to tell you right now. You're pissing me off right now.
No, you're not. By the way, I hope he gets up and beats the fucking shit out of you on this show.
But just tell me, season five. Look at how young I was.
That was you? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Back then he was Chinese.
Yeah, it was Chinese. Before he switched.
Dude, I've totally seen you. Dude, that's a hard.
What do you mean? Did you see this episode? Yes, I saw that episode. Yeah, and you don't think that was me? That's either you or Joe Coy.
That's not Joe Coy. What do you mean? Well, that doesn't look like you, Bob.
That doesn't look like me, dude? That looks nothing like me. No, that looks nothing like no because no mustache put a mustache on that fucker do your face do that face no you look different no yeah different guy yeah that's me dude that that with them i'm i'm putting a mustache on so did you see that episode i did see that okay so now can you give me my props or no dude 100 great job thank you thank you you were so brilliant that's all i want Go to the first picture.
Okay, so now can you give me my props or no? Dude, 100% great job. Thank you.
You were so brilliant.

That's all I want. Go to the first picture.

Okay, and go to the

fourth picture.

And I gotta ask you.

Are you doing an eye thing on purpose

on this thing? Is this like a thing you were doing

the whole time? You're doing wide eye

on this. This is round eye shit.

Go to the first one? That's round eye shit the whole time.

But why does the left eye go in the opposite direction? Go to the first one? That's round eye shit the whole time. But why does the left eye

go in the opposite direction? Go to the fourth one?

You see what I'm talking about?

Oh, I see what you guys are doing. You're saying that

Asians are cross-eyed. No.
No, no, no.

Clip that, dude. Asians are cross-eyed?

Well, you might be. Yeah, yeah.

Go big. Go big.

Alright. Let me see your eyes.
Stop, stop, stop.

Let me see your eyes, Bob. Open them up.
Bob Yeah they kind of go cross-eyed when you do that

Your left one leans in

I think what you're seeing

Both of you

I also knew this was going to happen

I knew this was going to team up

No no no

Next time I'll get Steven you and some of my guys

Alright you want me to bring my boys in

I'll bring my boys in

Benedict Wong, I'll bring him on. He would never come on the show.
I think he would. To be fair, I have a big ass left ear.
So if we're talking about things left. Yeah, there we go, dude.
Look at your ears, dude. My left ear has its own ears.
Yeah, you're like half Dumbo, half fucking Slender Man. 100%.
I'm already on the same page. All right, dude.
dude. Let's talk about you, dude.
Left falters, for sure. My point is this.
Also, this is, I'm scared. Yeah, you're doing a great job.
I'm so young, right? I did it when Curbs first started. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. So it's like maybe that's what you're reading.
But anyway, let's move on from it. I was just kidding.
I was fine. I want you to get your props props you're more talented and more hollywood no no come on i like you dude you're my guy i'm certainly not more hollywood you might be the most hollywood guy out i don't think so i don't getting all sorts of work now dude yeah you do anyway let's talk about something else man what the fuck man don't get nervous about it um do you like jelly jelly what's your like this no jelly Jelly.
Jelly Roll. Oh, I thought you meant peanut butter and jelly.
What is that? Trader Joe's Snacks. Peanut butter and jelly.
Really? Yeah. You already ate it? No, it's probably the best.
I brought this just in case I got too nervous. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Those are... Can I have one? I want to try one.
Have you never had one of those? I want one of those. They're phenomenal.
You know this? Oh, my God, yeah. It's the best thing I've ever had in my life.
Trader Joe's, baby. Okay.
They're undefeated. Dip in, dude.
You don't want more jelly? Okay. Yeah.
Isn't that insane? God, those are good. It's so good.
TJ's has by far the best snacks on planet Earth. My daughter got...
Well, my friend Ray got me hip to these, but my daughter is like a huge TJ snack person. So they have the best snacks.
I actually don't buy meals there as much as I buy bullshit. I buy snacks.
If your daughter goes, Daddy... My daughter has grown.
She's 14. Yeah, but let's just move.
She's like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right? Daddy. Good morning, daddy.

Now she's Asian.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right, let me white it up.

No, no, no.

Am I Scott, daddy?

Well, my daughter's black, but.

Oh, so you really?

Yeah.

All right.

Oh, yeah, do that one, Bob.

No, no, no, no.

I'm going to go with my original, right?

Yeah.

Okay, go back to the original.

Yeah, go.

Daddy, how are you today? How are you today? How are you feeling today, Daddy? Good? And then what's the question? Daddy, is it okay that I smoke weed in the house? What do you say? You're an infant and you shouldn't be smoking weed. What? Okay, good, good.
I don't know because I think I would be the guy like, you know, just do it in the house, right? I'm one of those guys. You're saying if your daughter was 14, if your kid was 14.
If my kid was 14, I'd be like, yeah, just don't do it outside. I'll get you the stuff.
Do it in a controlled environment. When does that talk happen? Yeah, that happened.
Yeah? Yeah, yeah. So, Daddy, can I get tattoos like you? Oh, yeah, what's tattoo called what's that what's that what's that could talk that one happened when she was really young oh she wanted to get tattoos and you said what when you're older i but i i also i just don't want to limit her you know creativity in any way so um this gets the best i don't it really is if yeah as far as weed goes i mean a lot of this stuff she grew up just seeing i i didn't really hide who i was to her so and i also never really wanted to because i didn't want that to i didn't want that from another person to like lure her like the right The person of being like, you know, the perception of, oh, I want what I'm not supposed to have.
It's almost like very just, she could never be impressed by someone being like, I got cars and weed. She's very comfortable in her own skin and a very strong, woman who is like you know i come from a father who gives me flowers and tells me how beautiful i am and you know is very open about you know his his his lifestyle to where that doesn't impress me like i need someone who's gonna you know court me and uh all that but she needs genuine she there's none of the bullshit can impress her because she's you you've not tried to pretend like that's not a reality for sure yeah but if if you know i i would assume she's gonna want to smoke weed at some point you know like i'd rather like just i'd rather get her some get her the weed and it be like not laced and shitty from some sketchy person the other side of it is right like otherwise you're so restrictive and like bobby was uh an addict when he was like 12 was smoking meth at 14 15 don't move on no that's a real story i mean you're smoking meth and 15 years old yeah and it's because you had a crazy upbringing well i just didn't know how to um i didn't know how to feel to feel good.
Right. And that was the only way I could feel good and soothe.
You escaped by using drugs. But that's not the situation that his daughter had.
No, I'm saying that this is what he's avoiding. Yeah, but he already did it.
You can already tell. She's mindful and healthy.
I think the phrase that you said that's powerful is, I didn't hide didn't hide who i was to hide my lifestyle that's a cool that's a i think you kind of have to be transparent as a parent i think because otherwise they're gonna know they're gonna find out yeah and also you know it hit me at a certain age like when i really needed to to mature as an individual when she was like when she started seeing when she she has the internet too and so

she started seeing you know me in ways that I'm like oh I'm not proud of that as a father you know like that it's different when they're little you know I had a baby when I was 18 or 19 and uh that was before I was ever famous I was working job you know she was very young like it was it didn't hit until she was, you know, able to kind of admit that she was disappointed in me. And I was, you know, as a father who views her as, you know, like my best friend and someone who – probably the only person i really care to impress you know i i didn't i wasn't proud of a lot of the things the ways i was representing myself so you know i'd say probably when i was 30 is when i really got my and that's also your saturn return you know just as and as far as astrological uh things go that's a very powerful year

like your Saturn return is when you're 30

and that's

a very powerful year for everybody

you know like it's a karmic

even for me? for sure

for you it's 60

like 30 is a very powerful

it's a powerful number

and that year is everyone's Saturn return

so that's your karmic

I didn't know that when I was 30 though

but regardless your karmic. I didn't know that when I was 30, though.
Yeah, but that's fine. But regardless, your karmic purpose started setting in.
I forgot. And you can either choose to take advantage or.
I didn't take advantage. I'm sure you did.
I didn't even know. You seemed great.
Yeah, yeah. It was fine.
I will say. You're not on meth.
Well. That's true.
Yeah, not anymore. Not anymore.
Not anymore. That is true.
That is true. Yeah, I'm not anymore.
Yeah, you're right. I will say.
I mean, can I. Yeah, go ahead.
but I think that's true yeah I'm not anymore yeah I will say I mean I'm gonna go ahead but I think that's one of the reasons why I haven't had a kid because of the shit that I've done oh my god I would have to go no internet until you're 18 mm-hmm it's hard man but it's hard yeah I I accept it and I also you know I'm weighed down by it a lot a lot and plenty of people on the internet choose to remind me all the time.

but it's also my job as a leader of, or one of the leading voices of a generation who also can relate to being misjudged by things they did when they were younger

or, you know, maybe needing someone to show them how to mature and you know like we all i i at least like i looked at uh the people on tv or in music as my parents you know that was kind of like those were the people it's like when jordan took the nike and was like this shoe is cool and people are like yeah yeah we we are what we embed ourself in and to me frequency like music was always in here so i was you know trusting these people as my leaders like okay and i don't do a great job with that all the time with my lyrics but you know as i grow out i'll continue to do so i continue to you know try and take my job as a Fuck up who is no longer that but people know there's a there I think more than ever There is always a separation between the art and the artist I think people are more cognizant of that in this day and age than we've ever been I think because we should be you and I we're not doing any no dude. dude, you know I'll tell you what no we have to change our thing.
No

I'm telling you the rawness of what you guys do

I'm telling him this on the plane when he was completely incoherent about the puke on my face

It's so important what you guys do the on the unfiltered

You know the just taking the pendulum and swinging it the complete opposite way of what it just was the past five years of just like where everyone's so scared to be funny or say anything at the, you know, fear of people being like, I'm gonna come for your platform and take it away. We keep doing it, then.
I think we have to. I think we have to because for us, it was the thing that made us laugh the most.
And I think with audiences, going back to what I just said, people know what we're saying when we're fucking around. Clearly, it's coming from a place of love and heart.
We shit on each other. It's all for the art of the fun of the thing.

I also don't know how else to do it.

Yeah, well, we don't.

I mean, you could say, you know,

that's why I don't do certain shows.

Even if they ask, I go, that's not...

That's not for me.

When I did Chelsea lately,

I struggled every show.

I mean, I don't care.

I mean, people even said,

why you struggled?

You know what I mean?

Because it's not my thing.

Right. It was never my thing, but I tried to fit into that format,

and it came out weird.

It didn't work.

It didn't work.

This is my format.

This is why it works.

What you guys do is important.

Laughing saves our lives.

It's a grim world, and so to make us laugh is very important,

and I'm very appreciative of what you guys do.

I'm appreciative of you. Take me back, by the way.
take me back to you're 18 or 19 and you have a kid uh-huh are you feeling like uh you're you're fucked did it feel like that or was it oh yeah yeah it was scared yeah i me and my friend slim we were sharing in a a single bedroom apartment we were in in cleveland i was working at Chipotle. I gave up my job because I went to chase my dreams at this new music seminar that was coming into town.
I spent my rent money to get a VIP pass to get a meeting with the A&R that they do at the seminar where you get like an individual meeting with an A&R. But I had to, it was on a day I was working and I don't remember if this was the day I traded two days in, like one day I traded my off day to a manager.
I gave her Jay-Z tickets so I could have an off day to go do something to go, Oh, to go to the Apollo. And I got the off day band, but this, this one I couldn't get off, but it was more important than my job.
So I went there, didn't get a record deal, did get fired. Wow.
Did meet my manager who was behind the scenes over there somewhere. Yeah, yeah.
And she's been rocking with me since that day. Wait, wait, how did you meet her? I love her.
Yeah. Oh, Ashley, yeah.
Yeah, how did you meet her? She was there. I thought she worked with a record label because I saw a white girl with a clipboard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. a record label.
She tricked you. When you see a white woman with a clipboard, you do think, this is corporate.
I met her, and she was like, yo, everyone's talking about... Oh, because they did an open mic at the seminar, but they gave it to a like uh you know a kid from atlanta who danced

and after he was done performing i stood up and i was like guys like you're in cleveland let someone from cleveland perform and they were like well who and i was like me dude dude i love this i got up there lenny yes ironically who works over at rock nation and had become my neighbor years later he was there so and uh it's it's always great seeing that's how i get invited to the Roc Nation brunch was Lenny S. Shout out Lenny S.

Lenny S. But he was there.

And become my neighbor years later he was there so and uh it's it's always great seeing that's how I get invited to the rock nation brunch was Lenny S shout out Lenny S but he was there um and so afterwards yeah they were talking and I met her and then you know she came over to my house after or a day later with with my friend Slim and we were all there and I was like dude like I met this record label person like we're on bro and she came over and she was like yeah like I'm I was interning there uh helping out like checking checking the names for everyone who's coming in and uh yeah i go to college i'm about to graduate and i i had just gotten fired from chipotle and anyway she was like i'll i'll leave everything like i believe in this so she dropped out of college and she got me a job working on a red bull as a penske truck driver to go drop off pallets of Red Bulls and stuff to people. I had a buddy of mine do that when we first moved to LA.
Yeah. So I was doing that, and she had a car, so she was letting me put all my clothes in her car and crash there because we ended up getting evicted from that apartment.
And yeah, man. And you're loyal is what I love about it.
Because i'm pretty sure since then you've had every manager go come to you and go say it with us you're like you won't leave her you won't you won't leave her that's for life that's for life dude i'm the same way wow and also can i say this may i say something to you is there was that moment where you said i'm gonna go up and do it without that. Without that, you would have never probably met her, right? Never.
Right. Never.
And that's the thing that everyone needs to make it, I think, in any kind of art form. It's that you see the window of opportunity.
Like when my friend Randy signed me up at the open mic, I didn't know I was supposed to perform. And then when they said my name, I could have gone, I'm not going up.
You know what I mean? But I went, you know what? I'm going to do it. It's just like an instinctual thing of like, I have to do it.
You risk it all. You risk it all and I just go up there and it didn't go well but it's that instinct to do it, you know what I mean, is I think you need.
You do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you had to have the balls to do it but that's also what kickstarts that sickness that we have where we're like, I need to, I have to, I don't have a choice. I must must fucking do this i'm not going back to chipotle yeah the one memory i'll take from chipotle besides it was great i met a lot of great friends and and and i just the the extreme hate that boiled in my chest from seeing people that went to my school come back from college on winter break to see me working at chipotle and being like ah you were supposed to be a rapper what happened like that probably fueled a lot but i would be in the back washing the sour cream out of the like those tin yeah things and the hot steam from the sour cream would always come up my face and mrs officer by lil wayne was always playing so every time i hear I always just re-smell hot steaming sour cream.

Wow.

Because it was like the hottest song on the radio at that time right yeah yeah yeah so you don't like that when that song comes on i love like sour cream i love wayne today i don't know if it's i think my beef is more with the sour cream yeah yeah because i haven't used sour cream in many years there's a smell i used to wash dishes i was a bus boy and i did dishes and for outback steakhouse and there's a smell for everything like that exactly we were talking about when steak and mashed potatoes is like sitting on a plate for a while and then hot water hits it holy shit it's the fucking worst it's burnt oranges that are rotting or something. It just smells like old feet.

It smells like old, wet feet.

Yes, sir?

I got a smell.

Yeah.

You know, in Korea, you know how they.

All right, here we go.

Take us back to the motherland.

Well, do you remember I told you that, like, at my grandparents' house, they had a bathroom.

It was just a hole in the ground.

Yeah.

And it was, like, generations and generations of poo.

It was, like, literally 2,000 years of poo. They never emptied it? They never emptied it.
No, it's not. It just a hole in the ground and it was like generations and generations of poo it was like literally 2,000 years of poo

they never emptied it?

they never emptied

no it's a hole in the ground

so it's a hole in the ground

right

and you look down

so my great grandparents

poo was way down there

right

my great great great

great grandparents

kind of beautiful

yeah

but that smell

I can't get rid of either

you know if you

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit

and it smells like shit.

and it smells like shit In those holes in the ground

Those old bathrooms

If you dig all the way down

You can dig all the way to China

If you can go all the way through to China

Isn't that where that comes from?

No it's not

Wouldn't they do that?

They go we're going to dig all the way to China

I tried that when I was a kid

Did you really?

Yeah

I also tried

I got about 6 feet

Maybe about 4 feet

I got to Bakerfield

But I digged

I mean this way

I also

You guys do everything sideways. I dig north.
Yeah, I dig north. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait, I have one. Can I insert one activity really quick? Please.
Yeah, I love activities. Remember what I texted you yesterday? Yeah.
I don't remember the exact text, but I think... What about it? it i was like can i come later for the podcast because i have to fight a samurai yeah yeah i wanted you to talk about it did you fight a samurai i did today yeah yeah i feel actually i don't know if i look dehydrated but i feel like a piece of beef jerky like i'm so just like dried meat my whole i feel so dehydrated i was in the sun fighting a samurai all day it was for a music video but I was thinking because there's this part in the video where the song it goes really fast and I kind of did that it's for a five year anniversary of an album that came out in 2019 but my fans as an ode to them they love when I rap fast so I kind of did a part in there where I was rapping fast.
And could I just please get Yara off

to attempt to do the part?

Oh, I can.

Yeah.

What are we talking about here, homie?

This is amazing.

Yeah, Bob has to do it first.

Homie, what's up, dog?

I'm going to play you how it's supposed to sound.

No, no, no, I can just do it.

Bobby can do it without direction.

Is this rap or is it singing? I'm going to play it for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck yeah, no. I can just do it.
You know? Bobby can do it without direction. We're going to start.
Is this rap or is it singing? It's rap. I'm going to play it for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Fuck yeah, dog.
This is... Never been a typical...
All right, ready? Hold on, wait, wait. No, don't do it yet.
Okay, okay. Okay.
Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Can you slow it down or no?

No, that's the point.

I'll do it.

Okay, all right.

This is the one.

Yeah, yeah, but am I going to sing with you?

Sure, you'll try.

I want you to try first, Bob.

Try, I'll do.

What are you talking about, dude?

All right, let's go.

I'm going to give you a cue.

You point to me when I...

Right here, sir.

Never been... Okay, no, that was rehearsal.
That was rehearsal. Let me try it again.
I was always a little cynical. My condition was cynical.
I had a fancy facial. I knew when I was a miserable.
Listen to growth. Don't do me criminal.
Wow. That was faster than that.
Wow. What's up, dog? That's really good.
Yeah, dude. I could just do it acapella.
Never been a typical was always a two-second cynical my condition I'm kind of calling a friend of the fictional no no one's coming to listen to go to be a criminal. Holy shit Bobby Wow You do it now.
How come you can't look how come you can't do the ad reads? Holy shit, that's so impressive. Yeah, let me see you do it dude Do it faster than me.
I don't think so. Okay.
Do you want to do it with the track or you talk about it? No, let me hear the track. Let me try.
Okay. What's up, dude? Never been a typical individual.
I was a little cynical. My condition was clinical.
I had a friend that was fictional. I knew I was in physical.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, you know what, guys? Well, that's it. You're dealing with professionals.
You're dealing with pros over here. Professionals, yeah, yeah, yeah.
By the way, that sounds amazing. That sounds really good.
I want to hear the whole thing, but we'll wait. I mean, sing Daddy, Why You Die.
You probably couldn't do that. Yes, he could.
100%. Yeah, 100%.
Yeah, we could. Tell me about the samurai fight, though.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so there was a kid i saw um online his name is shaquan and he does these uh really maybe type like shaquan like instagram martial arts yeah yeah we got it we got a crack team over there shaquan parson is that his name yep oh look at this go go down size of, dude, is this the guy that does the crazy flips? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, this guy's unreal. Go down even more.
It doesn't really impress me. Bobby, this guy can walk backwards when he flips.
Let's try this one on the right. Watch this shit.
Oh, shit. Yes, I've seen this cat.
Un-fucking. Oh, fuck.
No way, dude. Turn on the volume.
I'm going to hear him scream. Look at that.
Whoa, dude, that's fucking crazy shit. Wait, wait, wait for it.
He's about to go back. Yoink, I'm not done.
What the fuck? Fuck. Whoa.
Now, is that cultural appropriation? Yes. Yeah.
That goes the other way. That goes the other way.
Wow, and they do it so much, but like everything, they do it better. They do it better.
That's insane. There isn't one Asian guy that can do it that good on earth.
Dude, this guy. Imagine him.
You brought him 2,000 years in old Japan and bring that guy in there. He'd be all rough.
We give up. Where's he from? Where's this guy? Atlanta.
Atlanta. Atlanta.
And so he came over to. And yeah, we just kind of, we both like love Dragon Ball Z and Naruto.
And so we kind of. You bonded over that? Yeah, low key.
And then we tried to kind of just pay a little homage to that in the videos for that song I was playing. Yeah.
Can I talk to you about your childhood? So your parents were religious, no? Oh, my father was very religious yeah have you ever seen american psycho yeah oh yeah yeah um he kind of experienced such bad things that he over he overcompensated by becoming ocd like how oh yeah so everything like was either black or white there was no gray area with him So even religion I'll never forget First time I got arrested He Like his solution was sitting me down Like besides like Whooping me Like his His solution was like Reading the bible to me Wow To like cure you Yeah Yeah The evils that you were doing. Did it work? It did the opposite, dude.

Will you shut the fuck up? It did the opposite. It worked.
Look at him, dude. It fucking worked.
I kind of... Dude, are you mad? I hid from God my whole 20s, you know, and kind of found him later.
Where are you now? Completely with God. Yeah.
Yeah. Dude, I'm with God too.
And ultimately, I've just tapped so much more into the Norse magic that was given to me in my blood that also plays like a...

You probably love the movie The Northmen, huh?

I thought it was all right.

I wish that they...

I mean, it was great.

It did show a lot of the magic that is on our culture and our ancestors and so i appreciated that you know yeah but i i wish they wouldn't have focused on one guy on a farm i wish they would have just shown like war whoa that's my only critique for that but i did love like you know the the magic was great and that's such an important part of our culture so and i think that like you know we know, I watch the Internet view that stuff as, like, Illuminati or things like that so much. But really, you know, magic, Jesus did magic.
You know, like, that was, magic was such a huge part of our culture. It's just, like, been stripped because if we all tapped into our own magic, you know, government would be fucked.
Everyone would be fucked. If you're, you know, with Norse people, you know, runes are they're secret words, you know, that the legend is that Odin hung upside down from the tree of life for nine days and nine nights.
And that sacrifice unlocked the secret of what the runes were, which runes are like things like what's on my hands, right? Was he on a tree or something? Yeah, the tree of life. from a branch He had the legs on a branch It was backwards I'm sure it was I mean I wouldn't know Just visually what it was I wasn't there When Odin did that Yeah but he was backwards how That's the tree He was upside down I said Yeah how was he upside down Was he dangling backwards Why are you so fucking aggressive I'm not being aggressive I just want a fucking answer answer from Colson.
Yeah, but you're yelling. I'm so sorry.

God damn it.

Colson, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to see it.

Let me see the image.

Yeah, Igdrasil.

Yeah.

Igdrasil.

Whoa.

I've seen this tattoo.

Yeah.

Many, many times.

Yeah, so Norse people have that.

That's a big thing in our culture.

And that's what's on your hands right there, the words.

The runes, yeah.

Yeah.

What's going on?

You want a lighter?

Give him a lighter.

I got a lighter, dog. Thank you, Bob.
Wait, toss it and make it fun. Yeah, toss it.
Thank you. Boom.
I like playing catch. You're not a lighter collector.
What? Of all people that started smoking again, you don't collect lighters. You don't care about them.
Do you care about lighters? No. Also the most stolen object in human history.
Lighters? Yeah. Absolutely.
Not money? Probably come second to lighters. Yeah.
TSA. So many lighters they owe me.
Hold on, Bob. Catch that.
Good job. Good job.
That hit my finger. 100% I knew how that was going to go.
Did you? Yeah. If this was a sports betting place somewhere, I would have bet all my back would count.
But there was three or four years where, like, no liners. So it's like they have thousands of my liners to TSA.
Well, they throw them away, for sure. Yeah, they do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But then they got rid of that rule.
Now you can do it. Yeah.
Why do they make you take your laptop out? That's a real question. I have so many questions.
Why do they make you take your fucking laptop out? I don't know. Why do they make you put your tray table up when we're going 700 miles an hour and we're going to die anyway?

Yeah, you're going to die.

Why do they make me move my seat up six inches if we're already... And because of one shoe bomb guy, now we have to take your shoes off.

I mean, no, you don't. You have TSA.

I don't.

Oh, you don't have pre-check.

I don't have pre-check.

That's so funny to me.

I don't have it either.

Fuck yeah, you wanted to say three cats and now we got this.

So you take your fucking shoes off when you go through? No, you have a private security cocaine at LAX you got caught with coke at LAX. How long ago? Six seven years ago.
Wow not on purpose obviously. Oh shit.
Yeah, you put it in a place for God I'm sober now. So all of this is behind me, but uh the Yeah, he would and you know it was funny i had a championship ring the caps championship ring in my backpack when he was searching it um i come back from new zealand and he was like uh oh my god this is my daughter's favorite team like can i take a picture of it with i was like absolutely man no problem took the picture and then he found this you know this this this bottle he was like oh what's this and i was like i don't know you know you know sometimes when like pills expire yeah like it just turns or whatever so i was assuming because no way i would be that stupid but was definitely that stupid based off the test and he was just looking at me and he was giving me the kind of vibe like he was going to be cool oh can i borrow that lighter again Wasn't cool.
Was not cool. Yeah.

It is funny, though.

He takes a picture, finds cocaine, and then when he's like, I got a bus here, you're like,

I got to delete that picture.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I got to get that picture back.

In my head, I was thinking that, like, wait, this exchange is not even.

Oh, watch him throw it.

This is going to be even funnier.

Can you get it right this time?

Because I want to keep doing this.

100%.

100%.

Why don't you just let him keep the fucking light?

I won't light it again.

This will be my last light.

Give it to him as a gift. Let's just see.
You know what? This will be my last light Let's just see This will be my last light Alright ready Yep He's going over him Okay Dude look at that Yeah athleticism We'll throw it back I'll catch it I was making a joke earlier Dude focused so fucking hard It was unbelievable Unbelievable Dude I saw his eyes Dude I know I learned from Bush Remember the shoe He dodged him Yeah yeah No but I know I know that know that look you know i know how to do it yeah he dodged you see how good that was dude i was able to rap that fast rap i did i'm winning today that was really good dude i'm winning all the time right now dude you're yeah you are you're winning that catch this right him and i have that you know i mean we're doing good, dude. What are you going to do?

Do you have any mortal enemies?

Mortal enemies.

Like, Bobby has mortal enemies.

And we've talked about it on the show.

We don't need to mention the names, but Bobby has mortal.

I don't have mortal enemies.

What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

Really?

I love everybody.

Really?

Yeah, they're just fun little wars I like to start with people.

They're not enemies.

I love them.

If they died, I would fucking weep like a little baby.

Not all of them. I'll tell you why, though.
Okay, here's the thing with me. You do have mortal enemies.
I'll tell you why, though. Machine gun, can I call you machine gun? Absolutely.
I like machine. Machine.
Machine. Check it out.
So, um, if somebody physically touches me in a very violent way, that's when I go, okay, that's the boundary that I... Sure.
Right? So, like, if anyone assaulted you would you fucking have you'd be like unless you were my friend yeah but somebody that like was like hey fuck you bitch and pushed you onto the ground yeah no it depends if we were close and then we made up somehow yeah yeah but otherwise no i've never i've never physically assaulted you right i don't think it's assault if you're less than you know what I mean? There's a better way to say it. I don't think you could hurt me.
Dum-dum-dum. No, dum-dum-dum to you, machine.
I'll tell you this. I'll tell you this, machine, dum-dum-dum to you, is that I could physically hurt both of you right now, and I choose not to.
Do it. No, I don't want to.
No, get up and do it. No, because I'll tell you why.
Get up and do it right now. I'm not a do it right now I'm not a violent man I'm not if I'm not my state for life and don't talk violent shit but what I'm saying is is that in a situation dude in the right moment I will fucking go monkey style on what when I'm asleep yeah spider monkey onto your head and I'll do damage to your fucking head top tippy top don't don Dum-dum-dum.
Dum-dum-dum be you, okay? All right? You guys are mocking me, dude, but it's like, you don't want to race me out. You're the one that started it.
Why? Because you're talking like you could physically assault us. It's crazy.
It's an insane thing to think. No, I'm just saying that I just...
Dum-dum-dum-dum. Dum-dum-dum.
All right, dude. Comedy is in threes.
You do that well. It that well.
You do that well. But what I'm saying is...
You know, you would never put a hand on me. That would be crazy.
I know. But you put hands on me.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I don't think that's right. And I'm going to draw the line now.
Don't do it again. I'll do it whenever I want.
I know you will. And I'm fine with it.
I'm fine with it. Get this out of love.
Do you have any mortal enemies? I'd say I had an ego death. And so that kind of dissipated with that.
Oh, beautiful. When did the ego death come? 2022.
Why? Realizing public perception will always change if you just continue running the marathon.

And I think also realizing I have no control of outward opinions and that what is important is how I feel about myself, and that's what radiates. So it's also not my job to be liked by everybody because art is what I do, and art is always supposed to be conversational, and if the conversation is just one way, then it's boring.
So as long as I do my job and create conversation, bad or good, I am an artist. And by by the way bad and good is an interesting because you're i agree with everything you're saying there's no such thing as like a bad version of the conversation about you because it's all it's all surrounding what you're making so whether whether people like it or not doesn't really matter.

But people that like you and the people that hate you, it's all the same thing.

Sometimes people that hate you like you more than people that like you. It's all money in your pocket.

To me.

I'll tell you why.

Well, it's not just the money.

I don't know why you laughed at that, you Spanish friend.

Okay?

I'm going to say this, okay?

Let me get my points out, if I may.

Please.

I'm 50% of the show 40 I'm 70 do 75 yeah yeah yeah so what am I what I meant but say not money your pocket but what I meant to say is is that you're a correct it's the conversation you're right yeah it's just like if I wasn't causing conversations out there that I wouldn't be successful true as especially as a comic right i think the reason why we do well maybe you know me is because we do cause you know i mean there are people that don't like us sure of course in our style of comedy or whatever and i just think that um and you're right machine right there's nothing we can do no the one thing you can't do is finish the book. Finish the book.
They're going to read the beginning. Oh, God.
I got to finish the book. They're going to read the beginning, and they'll make their assumptions.
And as long as you finish, as long as you get them through the entire book, they might find out that the perceived antagonist was really the protagonist, and there was a nice spin at the end. God.
So. This guy.
It's fucking great. Yeah, I do.
But it's also so true. The amount of people that even like as a kid, someone that was famous or a celebrity of some kind that I had a perception about and then I got older and then you saw their life change or saw their, saw them develop and I changed my opinion of them.
It's, there's tons of them so many people like that yeah give me one example well i would say not my first thought thought was the way people always perceived rodman when i was a kid because dennis rodman was such a polarizing figure and then the more people that learned about him about who he was or who he you know versus who they perceived him to be it was kind of a beautiful flip or a change tyson had the same thing people didn't understand mike tyson i feel like now they're getting to see who mike tyson really is yeah but as a kid it was always like celebrities and certain athletes or certain famous people that i was like i don't even know if i like that guy or they bothered me then you see them grow in their whole you're you're reading more of their book and you're like, Oh, I, no, I do. I guess I didn't know that person.
Yeah. I was, I was scared of Mike Tyson for some reason.
And then one day I was, he's pretty fucking scary. Yeah.
But I was at the comedy store. He goes, Hey man, I'm Mike Tyson.
Yeah. I'm a big fan of your work.
Right. And I go, Oh shit.
We took a photo. I remember showing my dad the photo.
My dad cried. He called Michael Tyson.

I can't believe you know. He called him Michael

Tyson. Michael Tyson.

He literally weep because my dad's a big boxing

fan. Yeah.
Right? And then

I did a movie with Mike Tyson.

You know what I mean? And he's just a nice guy.

Anyway. What movie did you do with Mike?

It was called... Oh my god.
I hated this

movie. I even forgot what it was called.
I hated it. I can't wait to see this.
to see this I have a funny Rodman story I think that's what it Give me the Rodman story So I was directing and writing a comedy With my friend Modson And we were looking for a Oh my god Dude that was me in the movie Oh my god Dude why didn't you tell me dude Well I mean I just why do you tell that look like a fat lesbian I look like shit there dude that is wild look at that dude it's a bad fit when you put that on you weren't like giving me something else that's a tough but that does my body look like that now no be real it doesn't okay good god the boys will tell you yeah from now on if I ever look like that just say Ozempic and I'll get on it alright because that's fucking I look like anyway give me your Dennis Rodman story Rodman can I have your lighter one more time? no bum bum bum no alright the teasing of it is great yeah can you throw it back can you just do it as hard because you did it hard last time Do it hard? No don't do it as hard Okay gotcha That's what she said Alright give me Dennis So Do you know who this is? Yeah the red headed guy Correct yeah Me and Madsen were doing a comedy And we wrote this for um you know an athlete to come and punch me in the face and we were like man what athlete could we do and mod has dennis robin's face tattooed on his arm and so we were looking and i was like you know we were like oh my god dennis robin for sure we should hit him up and so we hit dennis robin up he agreed to do it as long as we booked him a Rolls Royce to bring him from Orange County up. Seems fair.
For sure. And I was like, great, no problem.
And so he's on the way up and the Rolls Royce driver is like, he's smoking a cigar in my Rolls Royce. Like, I'm turning the car around.
I was like, this is Dennis Robin. You let him do whatever the fuck he wants just please get him to this we rented van nuys airport out for like an hour and and up until this point the producers were basically like why did we do this like we don't have a confirmed athlete this was all like we were doing the dennis robin things behind the scenes just kind of just please do this right and so he finally gets there and you know mod is the one that has his face tattooed on him and so he walked up and he was like dude dennis what up and he goes straight past him out and he sees me he's like what up superstar and me and mod laugh about that to this day it was so funny and then he did the scene and he killed it.
And he had on a wrinkled T-shirt that we were like, do you want to change?

He was like, I'm already in my outfit.

And we were like, yeah, for sure.

Of course.

Yeah.

He was good.

And it was great.

Yeah, he was awesome.

He was so, so cool.

And I really appreciate him for doing that.

Smoking in the Rolls Royce.

Smoking a cigar in the Rolls is so.

Machines.

Yeah.

Mr. Machines.

So awesome.

Mr. Machines.

I'm going to manifest something right now

and I hope it happens.

I want to play an aardvark or something

in one of your music videos.

Cool.

Honestly, I want to be a creature of some sort.

Now, being real. I'm not fucking around here, dog.

You can't go from that voice

to that and be like, I'm not fucking around.

You can't go,

Mr. Machines, I want to play an aardvark and and they go, I'm serious.
Let's be real for a second then. Yo, machines, what's up, bro? That doesn't need to be that way.
Yeah, it's going to be that way right now, dude. I'll tell you that right now.
Play ya. I'm done fucking around in this fucking hood, dude.
When he does this, man, this is sick. Give it to him, dude.
Urban Bobby. Look up aardvark.
What does that look like? Let's see if this is proper caspain Yeah, it's proper It's pretty close You're more of a roly-poly How about that? No, don't say roly-poly, let me be a furry animal How How about a red panda? Red panda's great. Red panda you could be.

Red panda's great.

Yo, yo, yo, brah.

Is that how they sound?

No, I'm not doing the red.

You want to do a red panda?

I'm doing a red panda now, though.

Something like that, man.

It's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Yeah, that's actually really good.

I don't know.

I think you got it.

Can I play some sort of furry animal in one of your music videos? Yeah. How do I incorporate that? Dude, it'd be funny, dude.
Watch. You're at LAX.
I don't know where you do your videos, right? At some airport. Always at airports.
However you do it, right? You can't have exotic animals at airports. Anyway, fine.
Then Griffith Park cool it's cool right you're wearing a ranger's outfit what's a ranger like a park ranger and you're rapping about etymology of things of the fungi etymology of fungi this flopped yeah yeah yeah whatever it might be right okay and then it's like yeah i mean like yeah man the fungi whatever you know i mean communicate each other underneath the trees you know because you know they have a network yeah it's good so far yeah yeah they have a network a thing right and in the background i'm in the back in a tree with a leaf like that right as a cameo mm-hmm yeah yeah you want to do it I'm out I'm not you don't want to do it no I'm out can I be in it what's the disposition of a red panda like what is there what's their thing well give me their Wikipedia what is it about them they're they're a small mammal through the lesser panda the lesser panda. There we go.
Number one. That's true.
That's true of me. I'm lesser.
Yeah. Number two.
What's another thing? Their population is decreasing. Exactly.
So are you. There's a few of us left.
All right. I'll have a pitch.
Yeah. What? Yeah.
What's yours? Let's switch it from. I think the pitch would be.
And I'm going to run on the theme of the ego death that you spoke about. Oh my god.
There is a sea of red pandas all over the place. Bobby is one of them.
You are a red panda but you don't look like the other red pandas. You stand out.
Me. Yeah.
Very dramatically. A lot of the other red pandas including bobby kind of don't like you they make fun of you they isolate you and so what you do is then you try to become a red panda you try to do what they do try to look like them and you realize in doing so it's less and less of who you really are then they see you stripping off all of this makeup and nonsense to become them and you shine as bright as you've ever shown and you rap to these other red pandas about who you really are can you pass me that water for a second yeah can this be the end scene it will kind of be a little bit like is this kind of like yeah that's exactly what it is dude did you go to rip hand a school that was insane yeah very good well what about this then Maybe he's've hurt You realize that you've hurt my feelings I'm sorry Good good good Keep going go go go go More You want to leave Take it back Let's take it back I take back what you're saying.
What was I saying? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.
Good. Good.
I forgive you. Okay, see, dude.
Can I propose one little thing? Instead of like, there'll be a thousand repentance. Can you just multiply my body? Sure.
Yeah, we'll do O'll do oompa loompa Johnny Depp Wonka. Yeah, Wonka.
We'll do that with you with the red panda

It'll be all all the red panels will be you

And you can do that with technology do we have a deal we have a deal yeah

But machines if we don't do it dude bro, we're gonna're going to have a fucking problemo in the next two years.

This has got to happen. So you're threatening him.

Yeah, maybe a little bit.

Always a good move. Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry.

Always a good move. You know what I mean? But it's like, I would love to work

with you. That's all.
Is the rest of the show

just going to look like I'm crying?

No, you're good.

Actually, your face looks a lot better.

You're still a little red in the eyes.

Let me see.

Go like this.

Be you on curb from the fifth season.

Oh, my God.

Good.

Pretty good?

Yeah, it looks really good.

Can you cry on command?

We've done this.

Oh, we already did.

I did that on Schultz's show.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You already did that.

I've done it on Schultz's show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

I found my letter.

It's right here.

I know.

Oh, Bob.

Another one?

Oh, go, go.

One more.

You want to thank our guests for coming? Dude. Be real.
I'm being real. Fuck you, dude.
I'm really real. I feel like I'll probably never get your number.
Yeah, don't do that. Yeah, yeah.
Which is fine. But I feel like like and this is the truth honest truth I didn't know much I know who you were I mean but I didn't know you I feel like I know you a lot more I respect you thanks man I like you a lot thank you and I think you're good dude I think you're also intuitive I think that you're mindful and I think that're going to the right places.
Thank you. And I appreciate you for doing our program.
And hopefully in the red pants, we don't have to do it. I'm being real.
I mean, if that doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. And I won't take offense.
I get it. I've done other people.
I've done Eminem's video. Careful.
I have. I've done other videos.
That's not the move. I'm not, you know, I've done other people.
I've done Eminem's video. Careful.
I have.

I've been in other videos.

That's not the move.

I'm just, it's a threat.

Wow.

Yeah, it's a threat.

But anyway, my point being is. Oh, you're saying if he doesn't do that.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just saying I've been there, done that.

Wow.

That's all.

You know what I mean?

But my point is, honestly, dude, I love you, dude.

And thank you so much for doing it, man.

Oh, thank you, man.

I really appreciate it. Thank you, guys.
We appreciate you very much. Thank you for saving my life

I hope we see you again

and I

Want to thank you for being a bad friend

Thank you so much guys. Thank you awesome Woo-hoo, yeah, woo-hoo, yeah, woo-hoo, yeah, woo-hoo, yeah.