SOS Bobby Needs Stitches

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Well, I'm back.
I'm back. You're back.
How was your world tour, guys? Great, donkey. It was a great little tour, my little Asian donkey.
Yeah. Had a great time in Scotland.
You and Charlie Day, huh?

Scotland.

Yeah.

Hollywood loves it.

Let me tell you something.

I've been hunkered down here, man.

Oh, you've been hunkering?

Have you been hunkering?

I'm hunkering down here making things happen, dude.

First of all, you've been falling out of bed bunks and busting your lip.

You have zero privileges anymore to talk about Andrew's headache.

I cannot.

Yeah.

My head bumps.

Look at your dumb lip. Show your lip to the people.
It's healed now a little bit. Whoa, you know what that looks like? A nasty disease.
It was nasty, dude. It was gross.
If I hit my head in a certain way, I could have died. And you smile now.
This is what I don't like about this show. And this is what I don't like about all of you guys, right? Dude, you mock me.
When I had the earthquake and I hit my head, you did the same thing. It was a little bump, dude.
Did you get stitches, dog? What? I almost knocked out my eye. You did it, dude.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Yeah, you watch your tone, dude. That's insane.
It's way too much. What I'm going to say to you is this.
What were you dreaming about when you fell out of the bunk? I didn't fall out of the bunk, dude. He listened to my story, dude.

Yeah.

Listen to the story, dude.

All right.

Follow along, my friend.

Also, I have some things I want to say about certain people.

You know, people won't.

Anyway, what I want to say is this, okay, is I do the show.

I'm in Savannah, Georgia.

About the, this is fully loaded.

I'm doing the fully loaded thing.

Right.

In Savannah, Georgia with Bert and everybody, right?

Went up.

It was okay.

Fun.

You did great.

Thank you. This is fully loaded.
I'm doing the fully loaded thing in Savannah, Georgia with Bert and everybody, right? Went up. It was okay.
It was fun. You did great.
We heard. I killed it.
We heard. I killed.
We heard. Great night with my friends backstage.
Then there's a little powwow. You know I love powwow.
You're a big powwow guy. I'm a powwow guy, dude.
Because I'm from Pow dude because i'm from poway yeah yeah right so we really love it and we go rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah rah that's what you do in a powwow that is yeah yeah we're on a campfire there's always a campfire and there's stories being told you smoke opium no i'm sober now okay yeah back in the day though we used to do that that's real power and suck dick oh yeah opium and dick and then vice versa They go hand in hand. Exactly.
So then the day, though, we used to do that. That's real powwow.
And suck dick. Oh.
Yeah, opium and dick and then vice versa.

They go hand in hand.

Exactly.

So then I go, all right, so what bus am I on?

And they're like, the last one, which is the fourth bus.

With who?

Big J and- No, I don't even get that bus.

Who was on your bus?

I don't even know.

That's how bad my bus was.

You were with the crew.

No, I wasn't with the crew.

I was with-

You were with the riggers and stuff?

No, I was with the- That's racist. I'm sorry.
You were with the riggers and stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Yeah. We be rigging.
Yeah, we be rigging. So anyway, what happened was I, no, what's his name? The thong song guy? Yeah, the thong song Cisco.
No, what's his name? Oh, Cypher Sound. Cypher Sound.
So he texted me. You know this, right? Right.
He was like boy your boy is not happy with me and i was like why what happened because i said you i'll tell you well yeah what may i tell you yeah what happened all right so it's two in the morning and when i get on the bus kelsey cooks you know i mean obviously bottom bunk she's awesome her boyfriend very funny guy chad daniel's both so funny but they're like we got bottom bunk we've already established well yeah they're a couple so funny. But they're like, we got bottom bunk.
We've already established.

Well, yeah, they're a couple.

They get priority.

But they're not in the same bunk.

They're separate bunks.

You can't sleep in there with another person.

You barely fit in there.

I know.

My point is, then why do they both get bottom bunk?

What does it matter?

Because they want to pull the curtain back and have a little chit chat.

What about up and down?

That's even better.

You have to look down.

Oh, that's true. That's true.

Anyway.

And by the way, when you're across, they can sneak, scurry across and then scurry back. Disgusting.
Okay. Anyway, so I go, so where am I? They're like, that top bunk.
Dump bunk. So I got to take all the shit off and then there's no mattress.
Right. I go, where's the mattress? Oh yeah, we took it out so we can put the stuff on.
So I go, where is it? You know, we had to put it in there, right? And then the pillow and the sheets smelled like Tony Hinchcliffe because he slept in it. It's misery, dude.
It's camping, the worst kind of camping. Once the pony's in there.
Right. That's my stable.
So I'm sitting there and I decide I'm going to watch Battlestar Galactica from season one. Nice.
Okay. I'm watching.
Then I drift. You know how I dream.
You be drifting. I drift.
I dream. And I fantasize.
Revenge fantasies. All the TikTokers I'm going to kill.
You know how it does. Yeah.
And then around two in the morning I go, you know how one does pee? Most do. One does.
All do. Sometimes.
That's right. All the time.
Mm-hmm. So me, I'm like, should I wait? You know how you're in a sleep? You're like, you contemplate.
You wake up because of the pee. You're like, can I sleep through this? Right.
But then it builds like a dam. It's bubbling.
You're bubbling, dude. Good to see you, man.
Good to see you. And I go to the bathroom, so I open the curtain.
It's pitch black. What's so funny? Let me guess.
You forgot. Don't say riga again.
Once I say pitch black, you can't say riga. I'm sorry.
Sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You forgot you were on the top bunk. I didn't forget.
Okay. Yeah, I know where I'm at.
I'm not confused. Watching you swing your little legs over the top bunk and dangle them.
Yeah. It's like the funniest shit I've ever seen in my life.
I know. It's just your little two little legs kicking in the air.
I shouldn't be up there. You'd have no business.
Did they get you a ladder? Should have put a little ladder up there. No, no ladder.
So what happened? So I scoot my little legs over. It's pitch black.
In my mind, I'm like, how do I get down? Right? And I said, this is a way. You reach over to the other side and put your hand on the edge of the other bunk that's across the hall.
So I reach and I go, there's no edge. And I fall.
Yeah. And my head hits the edge.
Hilarious. back i fall to the ground and i i'm not i'm knocked out i you know you know i mean i don't know what the fuck and then this pain in my mouth i thought i lost teeth and open up and i'm drenched in blood so i take off my shirt and i put it on my face and then i go into the the first half of the bus and I go to the bus driver and I go hey um I got locked unconscious and I think I need to go to the hospital it won't stop bleeding my lips and he got five hours away bud what am I gonna do we're in the middle of nowhere five hours away bud you can't just sit there five years five minutes away okay like i don't want to also it's my first day on the tour right my bus trip goes to the hospital then all the other buses i don't know how it works but there's a group text and i text i go you know sos well i'll show you i'll show you the text later so anyway i like i text everybody like so everyone's on the text atal but then also leanne k Kreischer Bert's wife everyone's on it and I take a I take a photo of my mouth and I go I don't know what to do I'm bleeding profusely profusely you got it yeah and uh I'm in so much pain and I just don't know what to do can somebody help me nobody helps me no one responded they're all asleep it's three in the morning oh right we're on the bus nobody going to west palm fall chad or no no and you know they don't like me yes they do but i'll tell you what pissed me off now here we go all right cypher sound cypher i'm sitting there blood drenched shirt okay he's awake he walks out like he just came out of a fucking, you know what I mean, rave.

I don't know.

That's not, I don't know.

It's a totally funny.

Try it again.

We'll edit. Oh, shit.

All right.

He walks out and comes out of like a smokehouse crack.

A crack house.

A smokehouse crack.

It's just crack house.

No, that's even worse.

A smokehouse crack?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, it's not even a house.

It's a crack.

It's much more serious, a smokehouse crack.

It's so fucking serious. Because a crack house is one thing, but if you're in a smokehouse crack yeah it's insane that's bad yeah and so his assistant or his buddy his buddy god rest this kid's soul he dead he's dead no no what the fuck was that i don't know thank you can't god rest someone i didn I said, thank you so much, God, for putting him in my life.

This kid had come out like maybe a half an hour before Sypha and sat with me.

He goes, you know what?

I'll stay awake and I'll sit with you.

That's very nice.

Until we get to West Palm.

Because you didn't want to go to sleep in case you- I died.

In case you die.

Sypha comes out.

He goes, hey, I've got to go pee.

And I go, he goes pee, comes out.

He goes, I go, I got knocked unconscious.

I don't know what to do.

And he goes, I'm tired, man.

Thank you. gotta go pee and I go he goes pee comes out he goes I go I got knocked unconscious I don't know what to do and he goes I'm tired man and he went back that's all it pissed me off but what could he have done stay up with me he was tired dude he told you there's blood everywhere I have no shirt on I would have stayed up but the relationship is different you don't even know cypher you called him something else you don't even know his name yeah because i didn't memorize it because of the thing that he did oh you knew it before and you memorize if i know that he's going to be in my life that's right that makes there's not a lot of room up here you know that right there's like only three like the new girl what's her name i forgot wait a minute let's honestly guess Heidi.
She looks like Heidi to me. What's the letter of your first name? D.
Deanna. Whoa.
It's D? I was way off mentally. Deanna? No.
Dee Dee. No.
Diana. Did I just said that? Dork.
Dork. Dumb dumb.
Dork us. Anyway, forget it.
Whatever. So there's not a lot of room here, So I didn't memorize it.
Anyway, we get to West Palm.

I haven't slept.

Blood is gushing out of my mouth.

I had to get nine stitches.

No.

Nine?

Yeah.

That's so many. It went all the way to the bottom, dude.

Wow.

Yeah.

And then as soon as the bus, and thank God for Leanne.

She's the greatest person on earth.

One of the best.

She runs to the bus, grabs me. Panicked, I'm sure.
Panicked. Yeah.
See, we got to go to the hospital now. We got to go.
You know what I mean? She's number one. She got somebody, you know what I mean? And then, you know, they called the paramedics.
It was the whole fucking nine yards. Wow.
Right? And then I went to the hospital. Some Chinese man, you know, did it.
Whoa, whoa, whoa. It was the best.
Dude, the Chinese are the best at it. The Stitcher was Chinese? The whole thing was Chinese.
Everyone, you were in China? We were in a Chinese restaurant. Oh, wow.
It was got best Dude the Chinese are the best at it The Stitcher was Chinese? The whole thing was Chinese You were in China? We were in a Chinese restaurant Oh wow Yeah P.F. Chang's No we You just get some duck and get some Stitches No because we didn't go to the hospital We went to like a clinic Oh right So I go in there And there's a black lady there Yeah Excuse me What was that? Was that her? Or was that the Chinese guy? That wasn't the Chinese guy Well I can't tell anymore My impressions? Yeah It's not good What did she had an attitude Because of you? No that's rude I was trying to make it comedic But did she have an attitude? No she didn't She goes Can I help you? That's very nice That's better Right And that's more real But was there a white person in there with it? No, they were all black.
And I go, yeah.

And she goes, nah, we can't do that.

We don't do that here because in the mouth, right,

you might have to go to the hospital.

But then the Chinese doctor came out.

And he looks at me and he goes, no, we do it now.

Whoa.

Like, you do it now?

We do it now.

We don't know.

He goes, we don't know how, but we do it now.

If you weren't Asian, do you think he would have helped you?

No.

If it was me, he would have turned me around. Hospital.
Hospital And then This is not a lie Alright They had to like Move things around And then look for things That's not a good sign I know it wasn't But I'm like He's doing it for me It wasn't readily available No no She's like Well that's You know what I mean The sutures And all that stuff The pad We don't know They don't know They're like looking at things They don't know They're like scrambling They're bringing chairs in That aren that's, you know what I mean? The sutures and all that stuff. Yeah.
With the pad. We don't know where, you know, they don't know.
They're like looking at things, right?

They don't know.

They're like scrambling on.

They're bringing chairs in that aren't supposed to, you know what I mean?

Right.

And then she's like, he's like, there's no apparatus.

He goes to the lady and she goes, he goes, open him out.

Right.

So she opens my mouth.

Keep it still.

So she's like doing this with her fingers.

Right.

And he's like just doing it.

Like, yeah, I call it the first blood style. First blood.
Remember the first blood when he falls off the fucking cliff That was me dude Wait are these disappearing stitches or do they take them back out They're disappearing They're the ones that mold into you They mold in Well they go into your skin right don't they dissolve into your skin Yeah they dissolve into the skin But what that really mean? Is that... It's like...
You think there's... I'm a scarecrow.
Could that be another... I'm a scarecrow.
Is that another vaccine? Oh, maybe. They can actually dissolve by being absorbed by the body as wound heals, but I just don't trust them.
Yeah. Because it was a Chinese going to do that, right? It couldn't...
You know what it was? Bamboo, probably. Oh, wow.
Yeah, yeah. It was fucking bamboo, dude.
You think he helped you because you were Asian? 100%. If you weren't Asian, he'd have sent you away.
Go, go. Yeah.
What if you were a black guy? Because the black girl was up front. No.
He wouldn't even give me a suggestion, I don't think. The black girl would be like, Bleed to death.
Put some cussing on it. Yeah.
Bleed to death. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know. But he looked at me and he was like, I'm going to help this guy.
He felt like he had to do it for the motherland. Right.
So then I go, you know what? All right. So I get the stitches and they're like, well, what about the show tonight? I go, I think I can do it.
But I haven't slept all day. I've just been bleeding into my shirt.
So I'm going to go to a hotel, right? And I slept for like seven hours. Wow.
I wake up and I couldn't talk. Right.
You're swollen. I'm swollen's there's so much pain because i'm in aaa and stuff i can't take any medication for it right except ibuprofen and i just call them and i go this is i can't do this i'm so sorry they're like we understand what did it sound like okay i can't do the show like that yeah anyway so they go so i just took a flight back to LA You came home immediately I came home And I just spent like Five days alone Just Weathering through it Have you been Yeah you seem like You were upset When we talked Well I was upset Here's the thing I'm grateful that I didn't hit my head You know Like You know what I mean Like if I hit my Forehead Yeah would have been way worse.
Yeah, you'd have been like Carlos. Yeah, and I don't want to be like Carlos.
Nobody does. That's insane, dude.
You have a good body. Thanks, bro.
But I don't have that. So I would have just your mind.
Your body. My body, and it doesn't work.
It's endgame. I get that.
Yeah, so no offense. And none taken? None taken.
Okay, good.

None taken?

Yeah.

We're good at this point.

Take some.

Yeah.

Take some.

I secretly took some.

Take one.

Leave some for others.

Yeah, leave some.

Yeah.

Leave some.

Leave some for the other people.

So, um.

Did you hold your pee this whole time?

All right, dude.

It's not like I was bleeding in my shirt.

I'm like, I gotta hold the pee too.

It's like, no, I went to pee.

That's what you were thinking about the whole time I was telling the story?

Like, when's the pee happen?

Yeah, when is the pee?

That's insane.

It's true.

Did you pee at any point?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, well, it's like watching a movie.

You just assume, like, I just saw Planet of the Kingdom of the Apes, right?

Yeah.

Right.

There's no shit scene, but you just assume that the monkeys are shitting somewhere.

I would like to see that.

I would love to see a shit scene with a monkey.

Why are they not?

Why are they not showing that? Yeah, they don't show that. Because the ones that throw the shit, that's always fun.
I'd love to see that. Yeah, you weaponize it.
Yes. Weaponize your poo.
So anyway, yeah, any movie. When's the last time you saw a movie and they go, oh, that's a good shit scene? Never.
Not one movie you can tell me. Unless it's a comedy.
Oh, yeah, I know. There's no dumb and dumber.
That's the only one where he can't flush the toilet. I assumed that in Pulp Fiction.
Travolta. Right? I assume he was shitting because he took long enough.
Oh, yeah. That's it.
The Pop Tarts came up. So that's a good scene.
Yeah. Let's think of another really powerful one.
Trainspotting. Trainspotting.
Very good. Oh, I know one.
What? But I don't think he was shitting. It doesn't matter.
It's a good bathroom. All right, so it was the guy, the lawyer in Jurassic Park.
Yeah. Oh, so good.
Runs to the fucking photo body like a coward. Leaves the kids there.
Yeah. It's just they're trembling and then there's fucking the T-Rex just Oh, it's a great scene.
They split him up half, right? They split him in half. Yeah, bit him in half.
Yeah, yeah. Something about Mary.
Such a good bathroom scene when he zips his beans over the frank. But rarely in a drama or a suspense.
It's always in comedy. It's never in a serious movie.
Well, because Daniel Day-Lewis is not going to poop on camera unless it's a vital part of the story. I would love to see Abe Lincoln poo, though.
What is he thinking When he's pooping Three scores

Four scores

How many scores

It depends on how many

Drops you hear

Yeah yeah yeah

He just hears like

Bloop bloop bloop

Yeah yeah

Four scores

I mean that's the way

He came up with that

Yeah yeah

So are you good now

I'm gonna go back out

Two days from now

Oh good

Yeah I'm gonna do two more

And then I think I'm done

But they

They've been so nice

And caring about

What's going on

The tour is great

You've done it

Yeah I did it last year

It was amazing Thank you. I'm done.
But they've been so nice and caring about what's going on.

The tour is great.

You've done it?

Yeah, I did it last year.

It was amazing.

And this one, you were with Whitney.

No, I was not with Whitney.

Oh, she's on it now.

Yeah, I'm not on hers.

I'm on another.

The other leg.

Yeah, mine tour is with Soder.

Love Soder.

Morel.

Sam, the best.

Yeah.

What a crew. David Tell.
Sam, the best. Yeah.
What a crew.

David Tell.

King.

Greatest.

Yeah.

Big J, I said.

Big J Oakry.

He's on Oprah's son.

Yep.

I love him.

He's a great guy.

Who else?

Kelsey Cook.

And Dan.

Dan, yeah.

I mean, not Dan.

Matt.

Wait.

Why'd you say yes if I said Dan?

Sullivan.

What's his name?

Matt.

No, Chad.

Chad O'Daniels. Chad O'Daniels.
I just met him, so I don't know Chad Daniels I just met him He's gonna be in my new I'm gonna put his name in here He's very funny But psycho psycho, no You don't like Psycho-sypha sounds Psycho-sypha sounds is gone I can't even memorize it, no You know what, it's so funny Because I know he called you in Scotland Yeah, Dana Is your name your name Dana? No. Okay.
Yeah. Go ahead.
Debbie. No.
It's like, it's something hippie. Like Dandelion or something.
Danica. Dormat.
Denise. Denise.
No. No, it is.
Darla. No, it's Denise.
Is it Denise? No, it's not. Okay.
We'll figure it out later. Don't Yeah So yeah And I'm gonna go back out They assure me a bottom bunk this time You should I would hope Yeah I refuse to get on it It's not the bottom It's so funny if they made you go up top again And I fell again Who's sleeping in the backpack? Nobody Why don't you sleep back there? I know You deserve it You busted your lip Because they left Yeah I should do that You deserve that and i'd make i'd throw a fit yeah i'm gonna i'm gonna get back bunk back bunk yeah yeah yeah thank you so much you deserve back what are you texting somebody i'm gonna text i'm gonna text bert i'm back bunk yeah but you know you know i haven't broken a bone ever i really haven't and i've never been hurt like that as an adult so it was sort of like i was kind of like when i was healing i was like

i'm just grateful you know i mean i have you seem so disinterested who carlos i'm not why you're such a piece of dude i was looking at andrew to see what he was doing we're doing multiple things it's fine i mean we are like just talking about the same injury for 20 minutes Oh great Did you hear him just on?

I heard what he said

Where's the pill? I'm going to take it tonight. Oh.
Forget it. Not good for the lip.
Is that the boner pill? Yeah, yeah. You're going to take that? Okay, this is what happened when I was cleaning the other day.
If I don't get a pill at the end of this podcast, there's going to be another thing coming. I got to go to Chevron.
All right, we'll go to Chevron get it you wanna take that? no I just want it are you doing shows tonight? no we're not on the same show tonight? no oh be sick if you took it and got on a show yeah no I'm not on tonight or tomorrow I'm gonna take a break you say no you're not taking a break you're getting the rhino pill and you're gonna go be a bad boy no I'm gonna jerk off what? i found it's fun you take it to really yeah dude i found i can't even talk about it talk about it baby well during my pain um i was like i don't know what to do tonight because i'm not going up so i go you know when you don't know what to do you go to the hospital store yeah everyone does generational my family my family's always done that in pain and I go and they know me now they go hey bob what's up and they you know it's like you know cheers all right what's up norm was he there was norm was there cliff was there too and they go it's you know you know what it reminds me of you know in like um triple x or like bond movies there's like you know me come here and they open up a thing and there's like these gadgets yeah i have that guy there mr lee come on in you know i mean and i go in there look what we got this black market and they have all these like you know there's a new toy that i got right and i literally kiss it when i'm done using it i literally go thank you and i kiss and i put it to bed what what's the toy it's just a new apparatus right And it's so powerful and it's so beautiful. It's a suck machine? It's beyond that.
It's my girlfriend. How much does it cost? How much did it cost? They're not.
Also, I went online and I bought like four of them because you know what happens is. You break them.
Not just to break them. They always discontinue things.
And in my mind, I'm like, I got, you know what I mean? As if it's like, you know... It goes out of season at some point.
Yeah, yeah. They're never going to make it.
It's like those breakfast carnation bars in the 70s and 80s that I loved. And they don't make them anymore.
So I'm afraid that they're going to... Discontinue them.
Discontinue them. Yeah, yeah.
I get that. I showed McCone my collection.
Did you like it, McCone? I mean, I've never seen anything like it. I don't know.
Oh, my God, dude. It's so good, dude.
Is that an add-on? Yeah, yeah. He's been very, you know, also he snaps on me now, McCone.
Have you noticed that? Yeah, he gets a little attitude. Even when I'm running into him at the comic store, he'll snap.
What does he say? And so now I know that underneath there's a resentment and he won't tell me what the resentment is because I don't want it to get out of control. We know what happens when that happens.
No, yeah, and I apologize for that. Do you remember what the snap was about? I remember exactly what it was.
Okay. I took a picture of your busted lip and then you said let me see it and then i said it's film then you got mad oh that's but that's not how we said it can i tell you right yeah let me see it you go it's film and i go whoa dude i just said film like what's the fucking anger about i was just texting leanne i, you got to give my boy the back bunk.
And what did she say?

In a show with Bert, call you in a few.

Okay.

Probably going to discuss.

We'll have to discuss the deal terms though,

but I will act as your attorney for this.

Thank you.

Look, I just think that given my client's trauma,

I just believe it's safer and better for everybody,

including Psycho Psycho Towns,

to have you removed from his area.

No, I want to see sci-fi. And I want to say about's him he's a very funny guy he's great he's dynamic he also djs right yeah yeah he's got the whole thing and he really is a nice guy in fact in the morning i think he was too high and in the morning before i got shipped off to the um the makeshift hospital the chinese man um he was like very apologetic he was like i was super high i didn't know what the fuck was going on oh that's nice and so i was just as a joke putting him out blast you know on blast but it worked yeah but it's just as a joke and he's a nice guy he's a bright future i'll never do anything with him right yeah i mean but i'm sure he'll pave his way yeah he'll pave his way i don't know i guess can't we only hope i hope so i hope he has all the fucking equipment to do that to physically pave like his you mean like road work stuff yeah he's because his limited days in comedy is over no i'm kidding no he's very funny and i just met him he's a super nice guy he was just super high and it was like a yeah it was a.
Yeah. It's funny who, you know, when I was in pain, it's like, who called me? You did a lot.
Yeah. What the fuck? And you were in Scotland.
I called you from Scotland. Hold on.
Leon's calling right now. Let's let's discuss.
Okay. But I do want to hear who called you.
Okay. Hi.
Mister. What's up? Hey, you're on Bad Friends with me and Bobby.
So don't don't say anything that you usually say. Don't say crazy shit like you usually do, okay? We have to be good with our audience, and I know that you're known to just say wild shit.
I noticed that my client, Robert Lee, is injured from your tour. Yes.
You know I'm an attorney at law, and I'm not going to take legal action, but I am going to fight for my client. Okay.
you mean the operator error that happened when getting out of his own bunk oh wait it was my client's fault yeah it was operator error okay my client tells me that the gap between his bunk and the next bunk was significantly larger than normal buses is this not true uh i think it's about length of arm, maybe. Length of arm.
Okay. Yeah.
But you know how his arms are not human arms. My client's arms are much smaller than normal human arms.
You are aware of that. I am now.
Well, moving forward. So let's put him on a bottom bunk, if you don't mind, please.
I can do that. I can make that happen for him.
fair enough uh you will see no legal ramifications for this i really appreciate you and and have a wonderful day nice i can't wait to have him back we love you we're coming to me too i know i miss you guys and uh i'm sending him on behalf of me so i love you guys have fun we'll talk to you soon love you love you bye bye she's the best she's the best number fucking one she's number one She's too good for him For Burt? Yeah No what are you fucking talking about? Oh I mean he's good too He is really good too No but you see her and you go Wow I get it Every guy That's with a woman That like that Is always gonna be worse than the woman Like they're always out kicking their cover Yeah You're gonna end up with someone who's Like your their cover. Yeah.
You're going to end up with someone who's way better than you. Like, your wife is way better than you.
Yeah, you're going to be with someone who's way better than you. That's how it goes.
Look at Fancy. Look at Fancy.
Above his league. His wife is stunning.
Stunning. Yeah.
Look at... That's it.
That's it in the room. Yeah, that's it.
That's it in the room. And McCone, he outkicks his coverage.
I mean, so does you see anybody macone not currently yeah how about you carl you just call him carl it feels better right carl are you not hooking up with anybody right now or dating or anything i hooked up with someone last week i don't think it'll last i'm talking to a couple girls right now yeah that's it yeah nothing fun it doesn't sound fun you sound a little low today. It's, yeah, I'm not like super into it.
I'm not like, I'm not like crushing or anything like that. Well, the summer's coming.
Don't you want to be a little free summer boy? Like a white boy summer? Yeah, don't you want to have a little white boy summer? Mm, kind of, but I'm just more hanging out. He seems low.
I can't wait until you find, there will be one woman that he's going to go, that's it. Or man i mean yeah yeah exactly right well it could could it not be a guy it could be a really handsome like cool guy and no honestly can you see yourself marrying a guy be real no no that's illegal isn't it yeah in some places i think i know i wouldn't marry a man.
But there are guys, like Henry Cavill.

So if Superman, Henry Cavill, goes, hey, let's get married, would you marry him?

Yes.

Why?

Because he's so handsome.

All right, so that's the rest of your life.

Oh, and you wouldn't.

Henry Cavill.

Or Tom Hardy.

Or Austin Butler.

I would fuck one time.

For the story.

For the story.

You wouldn't marry. No, I wouldn't.

100% now. I would marry.

Okay, good.

What's so funny?

What do you mean? You would definitely marry. No, I wouldn't.

Shut up. No, I wouldn't.

Yes, you would. I would not marry.

Security. I have security.

Well, you love the fame. You would love the fame.

Not as famous as you.

You would love the fame. You're famous.
No, I'm not. You are.
And would I marry you now? Yes, you would. No, what? Fucking nah.
If I set it up right. What? If I set it up right.
Operation? Yeah. No, because you know what it is? Once you smiled, I've heard of sex, and once you smiled, we would erupt in a laughter.
And we wouldn't be able to finish. It would be too funny.
Who else called you while you were hurt, by the way? Oh, here we go. Because I called you from around the fucking world.
Yeah, so you called. Obviously, the people from, you know what I mean, the two were called.
Right. You know, people that were close to me, like my manager and stuff, right? But no one else from this side of my business.
Really yeah none of these people call i texted you i texted you never called though because you never pick up my call so i texted you in this when it comes to lifetime injuries yeah and in severe things you call it's a call yeah yeah but he didn't reply because this is a call time. That's call only.
Injury call. Yeah, injury call, dude.
You don't text. I'm sorry.
I didn't want to bother. Nothing from Carl.
Carl, you had nothing? Nothing from Carl. I don't want to bother Bob.
He called me Bob now? I always call you Bob behind your back. Yeah, you call Andy.
No, you don't. I've never said anything.
You don't call Andy. No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah. Big guy.
You hate Andy, right? Yeah, it's so gross. But why? Because now, because we're so close now, can I please be the one guy to call you Andy? No, I'd rather you make up a nickname for me.
No, I want to call you Andy. Make up a nickname.
And? No. Yeah, yeah.
Angie yeah angie can i call you it doesn't have to be derivative of my name it can be anything yeah like you you're my dumpling my noodle i call you all sorts of stuff hot link hot link yeah hot link yeah i'll be your hot link yeah or a red hot ht hot link i don't know i want to call you andy ht yeah i'm gonna call No, I'm Andy. I'm going to call you Andy.
No. Please.
I want to be the one guy on earth. That'd be cool.
And then people are like, I can call him that? No, no, this is reserved for me. Let me have the one thing with you.
Make him cute, though. No, Andy's so cool.
Look at fucking... Piglet.
Call me your little piglet. That's better? Yeah, I'm a little piglet.
But what is your thing with Andy? It just sounds too childlike or?

Yeah, it sounds like a kid.

Yeah, people, you call me Bob.

I don't like that.

I let you do it.

I don't often call you Bob.

You have though.

And I don't correct you.

Well, then I won't anymore.

Okay.

Deal.

That's how offensive Andy is then?

No, it doesn't really, it doesn't bother me.

It's just as weird. I just don't, it's not my not my name okay a nickname would make more sense for me than that okay and carl you don't like that no it's like no you are carl though you are carl i don't like it i like it yeah yeah can we do carl 100 yeah it's already changed yeah like there's a guy that i know that that calls me you know because it's cheeto me cheese.
And I don't like it, but I do like it. Is he a black? If a black guy calls you anything.
Yeah, yeah. It's going to sound cooler than if a white guy says it.
Right, because I have black comments call me Chan. Love that.
What's up, Chan? Like Jackie? Yeah. Yeah.
And then like the other day I saw a post, Chrissy D, right? They were doing a baby pod like about like what's cuter, black babies or Asian babies. Right.
And Miss Pat was the guest. And she goes to her assistant, hey, you're not Chinese guy.
I do this podcast sometimes. She doesn't even know my name.
I know that. Yeah.
And she's done it my podcast so many times. That's okay because it's just on brand almost.
Yeah. But if anybody else did that, I'd be so mad that they forgot my name.
She said all them Chinese babies look like Bobby Lee. Yeah, yeah.
That's Bobby Lee. That's Bobby Lee.
That's Bobby Lee. She said very funny.
But it is true. Bring a bunch of Asian babies and she's right.
Yeah, yeah. That's true.
I mean, it's collectively. Yeah, but the argument is- Which baby's cute or black babies or Chinese babies? Yeah, what is, do you think?

Black baby, it's not even close.

It's not even remotely close.

Bro, look at the one in the hoodie, dude.

That looks like Baby Yoda right there, dude.

Dude, that right there, dude?

I will bet on that baby over any black baby you find me.

I'll find you.

Look at that baby, dude.

Yeah, look at that one.

That's what they usually look like.

Yeah, yeah.

Not cute, though? Just give me black babies. Yeah, cute black baby, let's see.
Not even close. Look at at that one.
That's what they usually look like. Yeah, yeah.
Not cute, though?

Just give me black babies.

Yeah, cute black baby.

Let's see.

Not even close.

Look at the first one.

Click on the fucking first one.

That's a 26-year-old guy.

Yeah, you're right.

Look at how good looking that kid is.

Yeah.

He's a baby.

He wrote a book already this one.

He wrote, yeah, yeah.

He's on tour right now with Matt Reif.

Him and Matt Reif are opening stadiums. Wow.
Oh, my God, Cute. Little Black Babies is number one.
Yeah. Number one, dude.
And then also when they have attitude, I love it. Yes.
You know what I mean? Mr. I don't know.
You know what I mean? When they do that, I love it. I love it.
You know what I mean? And then it's like, you're two. How do you know that attitude? Amazing.
I love it, dude. And the Chinese one, they don't have, they don't know.
Right, they don't know, dude. No.
Yeah, yeah. Chinese babies.
I saw this one Asian baby. She was so in touch.
She's probably six years old. In touch with her feelings.
She was basically, Mom, I just want you to know that you're the greatest and you know what I mean? Feel your heart. Cute.
And just live in the moment. Like all these fuck, I was like, let you know that you're the greatest Feel your heart And just live in the moment At six, dude I didn't even know the English language No, yeah You were still behind Eating my booger And then there are these kids Full sentences And they're very mindful Emotionally developed That's weird like that, right? Six.
Lunatic. If I asked you at six years old, I go, how do you feel about life now? I was so far.
I was at six? Yeah, you be a six-year-old. Yeah.
Go ahead. Yeah, that way.
How do you feel about life so far? Yeah, no, me too. Yeah, yeah.
I'm a toy. Toy, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My dad's gone. A file.
Yeah, that's it. Yeah, yeah.
I put you on file. Break, break, break, break, toy, break, break.
Yeah, yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah, that's it.
Ruin, break, destroy. When did I even learn to even put a thought together? Probably 12.
Mid-20s. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a real thought.
Maybe in my- Like, why am I here? Well, that one is. Yeah, that one, yeah.
That'll get me. Yeah.
Maybe teens I started to think about stuff. Before I was a teenager, I didn't think about shit.
You're just living. Yeah.
You're just kind of going about your shit. I remember when I thought, why am I here? I was, and I know the guy's name.
I was at Painted Rock Elementary School. We were playing softball, right? I was, and I know the guy's name.
I was at Painted Rock Elementary School.

We were playing softball, right?

I was running from first base to second base.

And you know what I mean?

Kicked me in the nutsack.

Why?

I don't know why.

I don't like that.

And I fell to the ground.

And I remember it was so much pain.

And I remember also thinking, wow, my nuts are so small. small he hit it right on So he was a sniper Right? And I remember going Why am I here? What's the point of this? This is ridiculous What's that? That's painted rock I lived literally five minutes from there Painted rock That's amazing that they have that On the, yeah.
You forget. I guess sometimes when I go to Poway, I'll drive by my house.
You drive by your old place? Yeah. I drive by it and it just, it instantly puts me back.
Do you smell something? What is it? What's the take, what's the moment that brings you back? Like what's the thought or what's the emotion? I think of my dad, I think, you know, mainly. Like the way your dad talked or sounded? Yeah, I mean, because, you know, I talk about my life as it was kind of grim, but there were pockets of joy and there were pockets of good, you know, memories with him, you know, and my mom.
What was your best memory with your dad? My dad, my mom would yell at him like, you don't ever talk to him to nothing. You nothing you don't ever take him to nothing nothing like he was not one of those guys that's like you know let's go to the ball game or you know i mean well you let me talk to teach you how to do this yeah so one day he didn't know what to do so he like just put me in his car and he didn't know where to go so he's just trying to drive him around and just knew this as a kid instinctually i go this fool doesn't even know where to go we're supposed to be father's sunday you know what i mean and he just went to some like generic park with a bench he goes i guess you know family come here yeah right we get out and we just sit on this bench right and i remember this because he yelled at me later because i forgot my jacket there yeah but i remember being on the and this is why what's it why are you smiling i'm listening to a so in my mind i'm like this is the reason the reason why i remember this is because it was so it was such an anomaly right yeah and i sat there we didn't talk but i just remember thinking He's trying It was nice But then later it was like Hit me I think But I just remember that day though It was nice I like those moments Do you remember how it smelled In the house Do you know what I mean when you remember how a house used to smell? It smelled like kimchi.
The whole time? Yeah, I remember having to tell people, you know what I mean? Hey. Get a load of this.
Prepare yourself for this smell, right? Because my house always smelled. Now, when you're in it and you're like during the summer, you don't smell it.
But then when you go to school and then you come back, you smell like regular, you know what I mean? Like a classroom. Right.
And always when you're in it and you're like during the summer, you don't smell it. But then when you go to school and then you come back,

you smell like regular,

you know what I mean?

Like a classroom.

Right.

And then always when you came in and go,

oh yeah,

here it is.

You know what I mean?

Right.

It's like dead whale pussy.

That's what it smelled like.

Dead whale pussy.

Yeah.

What do white people's houses smell like when you were a kid?

I love it.

When you went to a white house.

There was a little bit of moth,

like with the cotton,

moth balls. Yeah.
There's a hint of moth balls i don't know i always smell a hint of coffee yeah well we're always drinking coffee yeah a hint of coffee and then it's always like um and i didn't know the word for it back then bologna soap no oh my god pumpkin spice there was always a little pumpkin spice like a hint of that kind of like it's a nutmeggy. Nutmeggy, like, you know what I mean? Like fall smell, which I love.
It has another smell that you hear, because I'm a connoisseur of white smells. I don't know if you know that.
I've been in many white houses. Big with the whites.
I've spent the night there, you know what I mean? And there's a little bit of leather. Yeah.
And you know where the leather's from? A baseball mitt, usually. We leave those around the house.
Do you really what I mean and there's a little bit of leather yeah and you know where the leather's from a baseball mitt usually we leave those around the house do you really I have one in every room yeah yeah I always smell that and I always talk about it when I did NACA your college the college thing yeah you know one night I was in Indiana and they're like you have to spend the night at these old people's house in the attic for one night and then you kind of take the Greyhound bus to the next thing. Yeah.
You know, one night I was in Indiana and they're like, you have to spend the night at these old people's house in the attic for one night. And then you kind of take the Greyhound bus to the next thing.
Right. So I remember, and they're like, lights out at nine.
Right. And it's, no, it's the dead of winter and it's cold as fuck.
And they gave me a thin, like, you know, one that they fucking knitted. One of those blankets.
So it's like itchy. Yeah.
So I'm in this attic like this, i'm like oh there's no way i'm gonna sleep there's fucking no way i'm gonna sleep right but i remember going let's analyze the smells what's in there all the things i told you about yeah and that's how i'm an expert leather yeah leather stands out are you an expert of smells of people's houses no but i do walk into some people's houses I do not like the way It smells sometimes Yeah okay So let's say I'm Armenian What would you smell do you think I'm not coming over Really No Not even to play chess No of course I'm coming over Yeah yeah Yeah no It smells like cologne A lot of it Oh a lot of it yeah So much that it's I can't I'm a little I can't breathe I'm stuff. I'm stuffy.
I get stuffy. Right.
I get stuffy. But what's, let me ask you something, pal.
Andy, if I may. Go ahead.
Right. What would be the perfect smell in a house? If I walked in.
Laundry. Mexicans.
Mexicans. Laundry.
Best smelling houses. Their houses always smell laundry.
Way too much though. Doesn't matter.
Why do they use so much? I love it. I use a lot because of them i'm they inspire me yeah yeah yeah i over dump i over dump i over yeah i would smell my shit but that's why because i want to smell my shirt four days later and it still smells like laundry dude it's probably they figure that out they just overuse i think that's a good thing yeah yeah that's cultural yeah i love how they refried the bean.
That's what I'm saying.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, they're clever.

They're clever in that way.

If they're going to fry the bean twice, they're going to put in two Tide Pods.

That's the same theory.

Exactly.

Dude, that dude.

The thinking behind it.

Might as well do twice, huh?

Two times the concentration.

You eat that bottle right there.

It looks like that black people love that to drink.

Right?

Y'all got anything in the fridge? Yeah. We got Fabuloso.
Hey, we got a Coca-Cola classic, orange juice, Fabuloso. Holy, that just gives you diabetes once you drink it, I think.
Fabuloso? Yeah, yeah. That gives you die.
You die. You die.
Yeah, you die. That's insane, that stuff.
Yeah. So I want to talk about another thing, and I don't know what to do.
I'm at my last. I'm at my last.
Your last gas? Yeah. And there's nothing I can do.
But, you know, I spent some money to interior design my house. So I have brand new funeral furniture at my house.
It looks great. Yeah.
It Yeah It looks like a movie My house But I can't sit on Any of the furniture Because of Ming What's going on? My cat Ming Decided I don't like this furniture So I'm just gonna pee On every bit of the furniture Oh my god So she goes to Every piece of furniture And just pisses on it Right So then I go online and I go okay like the spray You know what I mean She loves it She thinks it's like oh pee more You know what I mean It's almost like I should pee here Where the spray is right And we went to the hospital you know what I mean Everything's fine right And I just don't know what to do so it's just like and i talk to ming every night i go yo dog it's like bro it's like i really do have these what if you keep ming in one of your rooms that like because i don't i want my cats to be free as well but i mean does she do this when you're home or when you're not home usually when i'm not home well that's right so when you're not home keep her in a room where she's learns her lesson right but then when i'm I'm sleeping, I don't want to. No.
She won't do it. Yeah, I can't do it.
You got to coach her through it. Really? Right, though? I mean, you do that with dogs.
You got to train the cat. The cats are smarter than dogs.
But she's 12. She knows what she's doing.
She just started doing it. Because she doesn't like your fucking taste.
She doesn't like it. Yeah, like, you know, I don't like modern she's doing she's more of a contemporary oh i see that's what it is no i think what it is is because um during the construction we had so many people over oh she didn't like it stressed her out well that yeah you shouldn't have done that that pissed her off yeah i know but anyway you spent the fortune and all that furniture it's all fucked up yeah but still it's still worth keeping a cat my cat i love her so well yeah i'm not saying get rid of the cat yeah but you know i um i do look at her and i go why why yeah yeah it was so nice to come home and see my dog yeah what was he like she what was she like freaking out freaking the fuck out piddled a lot she piddles a lot when she sees me when i come home a road trip, I have to greet her outside because she pisses everywhere.

She keeps pissing.

She pisses.

On you?

She pisses on everything.

She just pisses.

Because she's so excited.

Yeah, she pisses.

Yeah. They call it piddling or coddling or whatever.

Yeah.

But honestly, dude, she just keeps pissing.

And she'll roll over on her back and I'll scratch her.

She likes bellies.

And she'll just be pissing in the fucking all over the place.

Inside the house.

That's why I greet her outside.

Whenever I come home from a road trip.

Yeah.

Like a show or tour.

Yeah.

I'm going to go ahead and get it. please and she'll just be pissing in the fucking all over the inside the house that's why i greet her outside i whenever i come home from a road trip yeah like a like a like a show or tour yeah i keep i put my suitcases aside i open the door and i let her run out and greet me outside because she pisses everywhere wow and it's got to be weird for someone walking by like look at that that's so cute and it's just me smiling scratching dog and piss all over the place.
She usually pisses all over my clothes when I come home.

She does.

She's excited.

She loves you so much.

It's hilarious how much she freaks out.

And then she'll lay on her back waiting for me to keep bellying her.

But I don't want to keep doing it because I'm pressing on her stomach.

So then she'll pee more.

That brings me to this question.

Yes, I lick it off.

Or no, what is that?

Yeah, do you eat it? Drink it no i'm no um so i'm dating a vegetarian oh no what is well what so now she's bringing up you know you should not yeah you're such an animal lover you know i mean why can't you you know apply the same thing with dogs and cats to the cows and chickens, right? No, stop.

No, well, I know.

And she makes complete sense to me.

Because, you know, whenever I'm eating meat,

you go in denial.

You think it's just that.

No.

You don't know that it's a part of a living thing, right?

So it's like.

But what did it look like when it was alive?

Right.

Bring up a chicken.

I mean.

No, I'm serious. This is my point.
Yeah. No.
I. Bring up a chicken.
I mean. No, I'm serious.

This is my point.

Yeah.

No.

I got no problem eating that.

Yeah.

I got zero problem.

Yeah, okay.

The chicken, yeah.

Chicken.

Okay, fine.

Just eat chicken and fish.

Right, right, right.

But then what about.

Cows?

Cow.

I mean, look, I could.

I get the argument for cows.

You do?

Yeah, cows are cute.

They're so cute. Look at that cow, dude.
Oh, my God so cute. Imagine how good that thing tastes.
I know. Pig, what about pig? We shouldn't be eating pigs at all because they're so fucking bad for you.
I mean, so shitty for you. Right, so pig.
And also, you and I are Muslim. We shouldn't be eating.
We are so Muslim. Well, and also, they're very smart, right? Aren't pigs really intelligent? Yeah, they are.
I could stop eating pigs and beef i could but chicken it's like fuck that dumb bird i'm eating that stupid fucking thing but it still have feelings the chicken yeah i doubt it you ever talk to one they don't they have no idea it has to have feelings it has to have nerves i don't know look at that guy dude no that's a chick not a chicken oh so you wouldn't eat her i won't eat the baby cute i'll eat the adults right yeah i'll fuck up an adult yeah i'm not eating a baby can we do like an age thing yeah what's the what like you know like how long do chickens live for generally let's guess before you do oh yeah i would say three, four years? No, I would would say 12 they last a long time? I don't know 12 years 5-10 split the difference so at age 8 yeah they're edible by 8 midlife what do you think? I'm eating it at yeah yeah is it as good though no well you think at

the younger it's better gross fancy fucking pervert disgusting it's gross to even say yeah but have you ever thought about that or no i've gone veg vegan to me is out of control for i can't but i've gone veg two times i've tried this i've done it for a month a month or two stretch and I didn't like the way I felt.

I felt really tired.

So I probably needed something. this i've done it for a month a month or two stretch and uh i didn't like the way i felt

i felt really tired so i probably needed supplemental protein that i wasn't getting and i couldn't eat more fucking beans i just couldn't do it so i've tried it i think the thing i could get away with is pescatarian i could get away with just fish because fish i love yeah If I can eat shit from the sea.

It's okay to eat fish

because they don't have any feeling.

It's okay to eat fish because they don't have any feeling. It's okay to eat fish.
Is that song? Because they don't have... No, that's a song? Yeah, Nirvana.
What song is that? Something in the Way. It's okay to eat fish because they don't have...
Any feeling? Is that the line? Yeah, it's okay to eat fish because they don't have any feeling. Yeah.
You know it's okay to fish because they don't have any feeling yeah you know they probably do that's what i'm saying i think could copain was being sarcastic okay what about a what about a plant they don't have feeling how do you know that because they're just like you know what i mean but they have vibrations oh yeah what yeah or like mushrooms they're connected they communicate correct that's what i'm saying guy Fungi. Oh my God.
Let's just, we're going to die. What should we eat? Soy.
Does soy have feelings? Yeah. Soy is a bean.
It's a plant. They're all connected.
Fuck, dude. Let's just drink water.
Right. Does hydrogen have feelings? Yeah.
So are you thinking about it? Is that why? No, it's just, it's comes up. As time goes on, it becomes harder to do.
There's a certain level of hypocrisy that we're able to just bank and accept. And you have to judge your hypocrisy levels.
Yeah. Like your phone, this is made by fucking slave kids.
Why are you cool with this? I know. Why did you even say that you bring it up dude this is just this is a testament to you got to pick what you're okay with so if you're okay with consuming animals sometimes that's true you got to pick or there could be just a completely different revelation and revolution in our minds and then we just stop all of it we'll go veg then i want you to try it try it for a go to the earth and just we just mine our own food make our own food you know i mean no electricity we just go back to the old days yeah it's just yeah who's gonna stitch your lip when you fall out of a bunk bed yeah let's see yeah you're right i need to have my own you need it yeah you need to be we need future i just yeah i know it's hard well what are you getting pressure to switch no i'm not getting pressure but it's like interesting like we went to a um hope yeah and you've been there no but i've seen it a million times yeah um you know who told me about it was the englishman what's his name um talk show host um oh james corden yeah corden told me you've got to go to hope yeah you got to go when he produced he produced a show i was on and we were talking about my area where I lived and he was like, you've got to go to Hope.
Is he vegetarian? I think so. When I go there, I'm always going, oh, this is good.
Yeah. It's good food.
Yeah, of course it is. This is lying to yourself for a girl.
I'm worried. Well, it's not going to...
He's going to keep eating meat. Yeah.
eating meat You gonna give up bulgogi

Oh shit why'd you say that son

I know what gets you horny

I love bulgogi dog

You gonna give up Korean barbecue

That's like your wettest adventure

Yeah you're right man

I can't do it

I'm just a hypocrite

You're allowed to

We're hypocrites

We lie we live in a lie

But it's not hypocritical to eat meat it's hypocritical to tell other people not to eat meat and then you do it or you don't do that right you don't say shit to other people people make their choices yeah when you know when you're vegetarian i i go enjoy wonderful no judgment they don't do it back well they judge us they they look at us, I go, enjoy. Wonderful.
No judgment. But they don't do it back.

Well, they judge us.

They look at us and they go, ugh.

Vegetarians to meat eaters are the way that San Francisco is to Los Angeles sometimes.

Explain.

I get it, but I don't.

Where they're like, LA.

Oh, yeah.

And we're all like, I love San Francisco.

Yeah.

And they're like, oh, really?

And also, I have my car window in place.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

It's not smashed in, dog. Nobody's pooping in my car right now.
Yeah. I'm my car window in place.
Yeah. You know what I mean? It's not smashed in, dog.

Nobody's pooping in my car right now.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm going up there this weekend.

Oh, you're doing cobs?

Yeah, I'm so excited.

I love San Francisco.

Yeah, me too.

I have so much fun.

Every time I go up there.

We never did.

We never did our show in San Francisco, huh?

Did we not?

No, Bad Friends never went to San Francisco.

Oh, well, then we should do it.

Let's just do one off. Let's do one San Francisco one.
I'm so down. Let's do it.
Because I love it up there. That'd be fun.
What's this new feeling? Can I tell you something before we move? Yeah. I will say this.
Yeah. Had a great time in Scotland.
Oh yeah, tell me about your adventures. It was amazing.
I had a wonderful time. People are great.
The food is, and I mean this with every ounce of my of my heart great the worst food i've ever had in my life yeah it was un-fucking-real you could be a vegetarian there because you can't fucking eat and let me guess a lot of potatoes no dude it's just it's okay when when you get meat and somebody told me i don't know this is true but because of mad cow disease maybe swept through there years ago and that was a popularity they cook meat to it's not even fucking it's burnt to a place where you're like is this a character from a batman movie what dain would eat it fuck am i eating what are you talking about no it looks all oh right right right it Two-Face's face. Did you ever see this? You know that new Matt Reeves Batman? Yeah.
Okay. This is amazing.
So they cut out a Joker scene. Did you know that? No.
Right? What's this? Barry Kogan? Barry Keegan, yeah, yeah. It's fucking amazing.

And the Joker's face in it

looks like the meat from Scotland.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

So try to Google what he looks like in the...

The deleted scene?

Yeah.

At the end,

go toward the end of this scene.

Right?

While he's leaving.

While he's leaving.

Right there, right there, right there. That's perfect.
Is that what the meat looks like 100 that's that's the meat in scotland that's the meat in scotland when you go home watch that and that looks a little bit more tender than the meat in scotland oh really but i think it was just it was just the food was just fucking unbearable we had fish and chips like seven times and so okay but it must be that must be the best fish and chips you've ever had no of course i love fish and chips i know but we do it we do there's long john get it anywhere all right and then they had haggis i had haggis for the first time what's what is it gonna eat haggis what's haggis eat shit haggis it's fucking gross it actually tastes good but it's fucking gross it's ground up uh uh organs go up the description. I think it's organ meat ground up and spiced and flavored.
Zoom in there. It's a savory pudding containing sheep's pluck minced with chopped onion oatmeal.
Yeah, it's like minced meat. Yuck! Encased in the animal's stomach.
Artificial care. Yeah.
Haggis. There's no nobu there? Yeah, yeah.
That was the first thing I said when we landed in Edinburgh. I said, where's Nobu? Because when I was in Hungary, Budapest, every night I ate the Nobu.
Yeah, it was tough. You just knew you were going to get a good meal.
The meals were just weird. And it just was not what I wanted.
Couldn't get a good old-fashioned blanket. We'll go to France next time.
No, it was good. Where's the good European cities to get food? Italy.
France? All of them. Italy? London.
Spain? London? Everywhere. Right.
Maybe not Eastern European, you know? No, I'd love so. Are you kidding me? I'd love some, what am I thinking of? I have no idea what you're saying.
Well, I went to Czech Republic. Prague.
Prague had great food. You went to Prague? Yeah.
Wow. Yeah, it's delicious.
Yeah. Why do you think the women over there are so beautiful? The Eastern European women are the prettiest women on the planet.
I know. Aren't they? Oh, yeah.
For some reason, they're like the prettiest women on the planet. Yeah, you can tell their daughters when they're American, then they'll be hot.
Oh.

Because when they come over here, it's like there's something off.

Like, whenever there's a hot girl on Hinge

and it says Ukraine, it's like, okay, that

doesn't count. You don't support Ukraine?

No, I just don't get to support. Carl,

what the fuck are you talking about right now? Come on, Carl.

Right now. Explain yourself.
Yeah.

When you have a girl, she's super

hot, and then you see, oh, she's not American.

It's a whole thing with her. Why? What is that?

What is it? Because she has

PTSD from the war? No, it's like

Thank you. When you have a girl, she's super hot, and then you see, oh, she's not American.
It's a whole thing with her. Why? What is that? What is it? It's like...
Because she has PTSD from the war? No, it's like, they'll think you're cool. Like, you need the American mind.
That. That's why? You need the American mind.
You need to be validated by the American mind. That affects the hotness.
Yeah, only like Italy or Spain. But if it's like Bulgaria or something, it's like, I'm with that It could be like a sex trafficking thing too.
You never know could it be? Yeah, well fuck are you talking about what if it's just a girl from there that's coming here to your talk? Which website? Yeah, yeah, yeah, what do you yeah? Yeah, you keep showing me this? I wouldn't oh like you don't know what's her name. What's your name? Yeah, do good diggin diggin.
what is it uh just tell me delaney delaney delaney delaney delaney i'll remember that now because there was an old bar on santa monica boulevard called delaney's and i think it's closed look at that's closed sorry about that now you're bad i've been bad all day i'm so tired i'm still on jet lag i'm so fucked up still dude? Rhino. Yeah, get him his Rhino pill.
Do you not want to be on camera handing him... Yeah, just throw it on the table here.
No, no, keep the change. Yeah, you keep the change.
That's how it goes. You keep the change! That's how it works.
That's how it works, Delaney. Delaney, that's how it works.
You keep the change. She kept it? Oh, fired.
She didn't know. Just keep it.
We'll take it and let's roll. Okay, hold on.
My pixelate. Mm.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo-hoo.
Yeah.

Woo-hoo.