The British Are Coming w/ Dax Flame

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You two are bad friends. company and affiliates.
Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations. Hey man, we're good to be here That's me eating a dog That was our barbecue, yeah that's our 4th of July barbecue That's a dog on the grill I just ate eight of them Well happy 4th of July I want to name a baby Bucky I want to name another baby Jiminy Like Jiminy Cricket, but Jiminy We got it, yeah I want to name another baby Jiminy like Jiminy Cricket but Jiminy we got it yeah yeah yeah I want to name another baby Lunk Lunk L-U-N-K yeah I do alright yeah Lunk what else man what else can I do and also I want my last name to be McPherson Lunk McPherson that's right baby what's up man Bucky jiminy jiminy jiminy dude like the cricket and lunk mcpherson lunk mcpherson man is that your new name no i can be lunk right now bro you're mr mcpherson what's your name right now lunk is an awkward heavy or stupid person you are that's right that's right man you're luxurious dude i'm luxurious right now man i'm lunking it out right now, dog.
That would be your, if you were a Greek philosopher, you'd be lungchurius. Lungchurius.
If you're a Greek mythological character. Speaking of- Mythological characters.
Mythological characters. Dax.
Dax. I never thought I would ever see you again.
Flame is back. I really never, the last time I saw him, I was like, oh, that's the last time I see that guy.
Right. I'm happy to see you again.
Yeah. What's my name again? Bobby.
That's right. My name? Andrew.
Very good.

What are you holding there, bud?

A gun.

What is that for?

Oh, is that for me as a gift?

Yeah.

Go ahead and throw it at me.

Go ahead and throw it on the table there.

Yeah.

Oh my, that's not good news.

Pretty dangerous.

Yeah.

That was pretty dangerous. Sorry.

Have you ever handled a gun before, Dax?

Yes. My friend took me to a shooting range once oh go on and i shot the guns and um yeah america i feel like you've been to the ones where they have real human targets you know those ranges man hunger games yeah the hunger game range dude wow yeah mean, if you were to shoot somebody, not that you would.
Please don't. Please don't ever.
But what kind of person do you think you would shoot? Someone who deserves it. I would never do it, but if it was.
Yeah. Well, like, what would I have to do to deserve it? Yeah.
Let's not go there. Okay, that's fine.
Well, I mean, you know, self-defense. If you came at him with a gun he'd probably want to shoot you you think so uh yeah or just try to knock it out of your hands or something you would knock it out of my hands my gun i would try to do that before anything else i have a guess and i could be wrong but i feel like you might have done when you were young karate or taekwondo uh really briefly wait wait i knew it in no well let's guess which one because not both you went to a school that had both um a karate taekwondo kind of like it's like a taco bell fucking pizza yeah yeah yeah karate taekwondo yeah and sometimes jujitsu only on sundays they do jujitsu on sund.
What was your master's name? What? Your master, the sensei. Oh, what was his name? I don't remember.
I think I was like four or five. Okay.
Can you describe him? I don't remember him. I just remember asking to use the bathroom at one point and being scared to do that oh you took one class yeah one class was your instructor Asian I think so I hope so shouldn't that be a rule you have to be Asian to be a karate instructor or taekwondo instructor yeah but I've had've had jambalaya made by an Asian person.
Not as good. The jambalaya was pretty good.
It's just not as good. Just in your mind, the problem with me was I went to the bathroom and I peeked in the kitchen and there was a Chinese guy back there.
An occasion restaurant? An occasion restaurant. And all the servers were black.
So I made the mistake. But if I hadn if i hadn't looked i would have been like oh that's the best jambalaya i've ever had here's here's the deal occasion restaurant black or white southern people i'm in if a chinese guy is making my jambalaya i'm out why what if we i'm not there to eat jambaraya oh yeah there is a little bit jambarayaaya I want jambalaya I want soul food deep you know what maybe it is possible but how about this I like my Mexican food by Mexicans I like my jambalaya by Cajun people and I like my karate instructors to be Asian okay how about this if the karate instructor was Indian would that be be a problem hilarious i know anyway um so you don't remember if he's asian i i don't remember for sure yeah can i get my glasses off for a second no i'm gonna look at your eyes real quick you you didn't sleep well last night huh uh i think i went to bed a little late.
What were you doing? Hold on.

Can we guess?

Yeah, let's guess.

Give me three.

You can go three.

We only get one.

Okay, one.

So greedy.

I know.

Give me three.

I'm going to guess you were editing something.

No.

Okay.

You were scrolling.

No.

What were you doing?

I watched Ricky Stenicki.

You watched the movie I did?

Yeah, and then I watched your Sweet Dreams today.

Wow.

You watched those because why?

So that I would have

more knowledge of...

I have never seen Sweet Dreams.

Neither have I.

They were good.

Do you like the movies?

Yes.

Okay, interesting.

What are your problems with it?

I'm okay.

Let's be open. No problem.
Because I would be What are your problems with it? I'm okay. Let's be open.

No problem.

Because I would be critical of your movies as well.

In fact, when we get home tonight, we'll watch 20, what is it?

The movie he was in?

I've already seen all of the movies he's been in.

21?

They're all pretty good.

They are?

Yeah, they're better than stuff that we've done, I think.

Okay.

He's done a lot of big movies.

Thank you.

Yeah.

I think y'all's movies are better.

Nope.

Nope.

You're wrong about that.

But give us our criticisms of our films.

I love it. he's done a lot of big movies thank you I think y'all's movies are better nope you're wrong about that but give us our criticisms of our films I like this a lot to what level rip us to shreds how about this you and I are best friends and also brothers what? I know in this scenario you're cut okay but yeah and you're cut out of this wow yeah yeah and just for like two minutes you're gonna be not that bring me back in two minutes i will okay so for right now no you're not at mime what's going on what no that's not about oh i used the wrong power yeah yeah sorry i have different powers how.
So I'm going to transfer him into your... I know we have the same relationship.
So be very critical. And I'm an open book.
No judgment here. Okay.
Please go ahead. If you need help, we can help.
That's fucking good. That's fucking good.
Really? That zombie movie you're going to do is going to be just as good, you think? I don't think so. Named after Vegas' famous act.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is your movie everyone trying to talk me out of not doing it i've never had i have agents call me i don't even talk to it see i like consider reconsider yeah and i'm like yeah but he's my friend he's our friend we've never heard of him we don't like the script no we don't like anything about it no so go fuck yourself okay Go ahead, Dax.
I thought that I was confused why the softball tournament paid so much money to the winners. How much did it pay to the winners? $80,000.
That is an insane amount of money. That's how much they win for a softball tournament? Let me tell you something.
I was in a 16-inch, no-glove, Chicago-style softball league when i first moved here the winner got free chicken wings at the thirsty merchant i don't even know what it used to be called yeah that's it we got a you got wings yeah 80 grand it's a well the budget of the movie was 1 million dollars and they're stretching it out there's a lot people in the movie. I think they should have put some more money into that

because visually it doesn't look like

the stakes are high enough is what you're saying.

$80,000. You know how expensive.
I didn't write it

and I'm not the producer. It made for a good climax.

Thank you. No, he's saying that's an

absurd thing for people to

win in a song. I mean, look at that cast, Ed.

Alright, so that's Johnny Knoxville,

Theo Vaughn, you

and whom? Shakewell. Shakewell? Yeah.
Interesting. That's his name? You don't know Shakewell? I don't know Shakewell.
I'm going to tell you this. It's so funny.
I just figured you out just now. Oh, I just had an epiphany.
He only likes hip-hop artists if they're thinner. Zoom into Shakewell.
Don't make fun of Shakewell. He's a funny guy.

I'm sure he is.

Great rapper.

Great rapper.

I'm sure he is.

Yeah, I like my rappers not diabetic.

I'm sure.

Shakewell.

Shakey, we're just playing.

Yeah, yeah.

We're JPN.

He's a rapper.

He knows.

He knows.

Go ahead.

So that's the only problem?

Or give me another one?

Do y'all have any suggestions?

No, Dax, we want you to give it to us okay I'm fine with I'm fine

with what you just what you just said let's move on the performances um maybe uh huh the performances problem yeah no is there any performances problems um let me think um oh no no but there were a couple lines that felt like they could have been less cheesy huh but the movie was very i didn't give any compliments yet yeah go ahead let's give me some compliments no no no yeah yes yes yes no i think we only do disses then the compliments later no compliments can i tell let me sit i know what you're about to say the movie was heartfelt yeah let me see that me see. That's all I need to hear.
Did it do really well?

It's a heartfelt movie, and I really liked it, and thank you so much.

Let's go to Sticky Snicky.

Sticky Snicky.

Go ahead.

Okay.

Wait, compliments?

No, I don't want any compliments.

Yeah, let's go Des.

Okay, so for Ricky Snicky, maybe they forgave a little too quickly. We forgave.
Ricky? The wives forgave them pretty quickly. At the end, yes.
For a lifelong. I totally agree.
But no compliments. Oh, nice.
That's the only criticism? No, but it's appalling.

It wasn't as heartfelt as some other movies.

No, it was like a comedy.

So you're saying Sweet Dreams is more heartfelt?

Yeah.

It connected your heart.

Maybe.

And it pulled on your strings a little bit better.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Ours was a comedy.

So was ours.

Okie dokie.

All right.

Whatever you say.

All right, bud. Okay, bud.
Who directed that? Sweet Dreams. My Dreams my friend Lige oh Lige did it yeah who did mine was it a fucking like a who was it was it a guy who was it yeah it was a comedy legend Peter Farrelly oh fuck that guy did mine this guy is such an asshole sometimes he's bragging but he does it in a comedic way and we forgive him, but it's

also gross.

Happy Fourth of July.

Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang.

Thank you so much for that.

Are you going to shoot fireworks for Fourth of July?

Are you that guy?

I don't buy them, but if my friends have them, I'll...

It's like weed.

Yeah, I'm not going to buy it, but I'll smoke it if you got it.

Okay.

Yeah.

You don't ever smoke weed? No. Do you want to? No.
Will you ever be down to take an edible with me? A small one, like a five milligram. It's a tiny little high.
Maybe a tiny, tiny one. Yeah? What about a chocolate mushroom? We have a bag full of them here.
No, not right now. Okay.
I wouldn't do it now. It's july um well you'll see our forefathers did it yeah they did i i feel like it just i don't i don't want it something bad to happen uh like if it goes wrong for me i'll keep you safe i promise but we will you mean having a bad trip yeah okay yeah okay have you had a bad trip before no no good yeah yeah good you know dax why You know, Dax, why didn't you get into science? Why don't I get into science? Why didn't you get into science? You look like a scientist.
I'm not that good at that. Oh, so God only gave you the look.
Maybe. Yeah.
What a bummer. But he has the gait of a scientist? What's the gait of a scientist? Gait, his stride, the way he walks.
Dude, that's what I'm saying.

The look, everything about him.

The dress.

Thanks.

Right.

I'm giving you that.

Adding on.

I'm giving you that, right?

Yeah, he has a scientific gait.

He has a stance.

The smell, for sure.

Stand up for a second.

Watch how he stands.

Tell me this isn't a fucking scientist.

Oh, my God.

Now, stay there for a second.

Put your jacket in the water down.

I just like to see how you science.

Let's see.

Okay.

Do this.

Just like you're holding something.

That's a Bunsen burner.

That's a beaker.

No, that's a Bunsen burner.

Oh, it's a Bunsen burner.

It's in your other hand.

Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Be careful.

That belongs in a lab, dude.

Come on, dude.

What are you doing with that?

What is that?

That's green glowing.

Put it in the Bunsen burner.

Whoa!

Whoa, dude. Drink it.
Drink it. Don't do it.
Don't drink it. Don't.
Drink it. Don't.
And then change. Oh.
That's how he changes into the Hulk. You are a scientist.
Just... Yeah.
I like you. You know...
I like you so much. I like you so much, though, too too and i watch all your videos online and you've been making some really new good ones by the way thank you andrew but can i before you do this can i because we the hulk thing i'm sorry i've always wanted to learn how to act in a transformation would you mind transforming for no i mean well let's us try i've always try I wanted to do that.
Well, I'd like someone to teach us. Yeah, can transforming for us? No, I mean, let's us try.
I've always wanted to do that.

Well, I'd like someone to teach us.

Yeah, can you teach us about a Hulk transformation?

So I'd say just get into like a,

you're supposed to be on the verge

of like something's making you angry

and you're trying to hold it back.

All right, so let's go there.

That's this entire skill.

Let's do that now.

Yeah.

And then it slowly creeps up on you that you just can't hold it back. What else? There's got to be more.
So you're trying really hard to hold it back. Because if it comes out, it's the worst thing that could happen.
You are going to freak out. No! No.
Don't do it. I met my sister's bar mitzvah.

So you're going to keep holding it in.

And then whenever you're at your breaking point, that's when you turn like super angry and just let loose.

Let me think of something that really makes me angry.

Oh, my God.

Happy Fourth.

Happy Fourth.

Do you know what Fourth of July stands for?

Do you know what it means? No. Independence Day? What is that? Independence from whom? Do you know what fourth of july stands for uh you know what it means no independence day what is that what independence from whom do you know uh britain why do you know why uh because people came from britain and then there's like a tea party or something you got it no taxation without fixations right no taxation without fixations that's why smoking became a big hit we had oral fixation yeah all kinds of fixations dude no taxation without fixation therefore yeah guns alcohol cigarettes that's what that freedom freedom my friend okay also can i say another thing just a observation.
You kind of look like Paul Revere right now to me. You're going to take a midnight ride? Have you taken midnight rides before? Like in my car? Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Have you ever yelled out the British are coming? No. Next time you're driving around in your car.
On the 101. Just open your window and yell out.
It's got to be the 101 though. Will you film that? Send it to us.
Have you yelling the British are coming out your window Yeah, I can do that But say it like they are coming Well they are I know they are, but don't go, British are coming, whatever Like really, like they're coming They're coming from Britain Show him with one of the flags you're waving out the window Show him what it would be like to yell out the British are coming Being real? Being very real What's flag do well it's letting people know that you're you're with it's me Paul yeah Paul oh yeah so I'm in the car like this right yeah oh shit don't spill that's a window mm-hmm I'll do the sound of the no here no I need it here's what somebody has to you know I know what it is I check a voicemail that's how i learn about the information well i just got a new voicemail you have one message what that was really funny i didn't know that i thought we were gonna go okay what the fuck did you think i was gonna fucking do hold on hold on hold on yeah traffic let me get into this for a while yeah do your thing Fucking old people are not. Yeah.
Traffic.

Let me get into this for a while.

Yeah, do your thing.

Fucking old people.

Oh, that's Asian.

Fuck, my bad.

Okay.

Oh, I have a voice.

Holy shit.

I have an aggro driver.

Beep. You have one new voice message from your mom.

Bobby mom.

To accept, press one oh fuck one boop Bob I'm in prison I go away for a long time love you boop hold on hold on Hold on Hold on dude What is she doing in prison? How do I know the British are coming from that? That's the key indicator That's She's That is the code That's her code word I wouldn't make that connection Between British people are coming Okay And that So it's like You have to to be more specific. No, Dax, let's do the math.
Oh my God. Bob's mom goes to prison.
Let's investigate. Why do you think she's there? A British person.
The British person did it. You believe that, Dax? Of course.
You truly believe that, Dax. Look at me right now, dude.
Look at me right now, dude. If your mom called you and says, I'm in prison, that's what you connected? The British are coming? Yeah.
Look at me, Dax. Dax.
Dax, be real. And not for comedy, be real.
Look at me right now. You think so? No.
I know, right? You know what I love about you? You can't lie. Thank you.
You haven't heard a second message. Yeah, there's another message.
Oh, fuck. I think there's a bunch.
Yeah, there's a bunch of messages. All right, so you have another...
Well, I got to go after that message. I got to go, my mom's in prison again.
Hello. No, I'm not...
Is that my voice? It hasn't happened yet. Let me press the button.
It must be malfunctioning. It's malfunctioning.
Hold on. Get to the button.
No, that's my hat. You know what I mean? That's my other guy in there.
All right. God, my mom's in prison.
What the fuck? Again? God. I got another message.
Beep. Hello.
You're in trouble.

I'm going to tax you.

Unfairly.

I'll be at your house when you get there.

Holy fuck, not again.

Not again.

Beep.

The British are coming.

Dude, you're right.

That was good.

By the way,

I wish an English accent

would have been nice.

It was kind of.

It would have brought me back

a little more grounded

into the situation.

I was trying to.

I don't know it off the top of my head.

You don't know?

Okay.

I'll do it for you.

You can drive and I'll do it.

I don't want to do that.

You be the British now.

I want to see how well you do it.

Here, get a flag.

I'm sorry. the situation i was trying to i don't know it off the top of my head you don't know okay i'll do it for you you can drive and i'll do i don't want to do that you be the british now i'm going to see how well you do it here get a flag i'm the british person no you're you and you're in the car and you hear a voicemail but do the driving you know what i mean do let's get into the scene get into it right you have a voicemail whatnot so yeah yeah that's how you drive yeah good good yeah What is that a Volkswagen?wagen what is that a bug what are you driving oh uh uh subaru a subaru outback or impressive cross track cross track nice yeah but why is the steering wheel like on the side there's a little off center it's off center all right okay okay yeah okay good oh let him do it no no let him act and get into it.
But do the driving and do whatnot and whatever you do, yeah. How about this? I'm going to raise my hand and that's when you do it.
I'm the director. Wait, what do I do? I'm going to go like this and then the voicemail.
Oh, okay. All right, so just because I'm the director, I want to see a little bit of this world here.
Okay. Okay.
And I'm just holding this? You can do whatever you want. Yeah, whatever.
It's your scene. But when you do yell out the window, you need that in your hand.
So maybe it's on the side. Okay.
Oh, you want to hold it. Okay.
Oh. He can.
He can. Yeah.
You listening to music or anything? Nice. Yeah, yeah.
Do you kind of jam out? What is love? Baby don't hurt me Don't hurt me No more Change the channel What is love? Yeah baby Oh you're connected to your aux Your aux is still Unplug your aux Yeah whatever was on your phone you have one voicemail to accept press one dude listen up here dex it's me beans on toast i'm coming for you i'm coming for everything i'm here too i'm here too we're you. We're coming to get you.
Me and my disabled Korean friend are coming to get you.

What do you think about that?

Beans on toast?

Boop.

What?

The British are coming.

Yeah, that's good.

You have your own choice.

No, you're doing it.

You made a choice.

That's good.

That's good.

No one could hear you. It's fine.
It doesn't matter. He's supposed to warn the people.
It's the sentiment that counts. Because I felt that they were coming.
How loud do you think Paul Revere was yelling that? He probably was just- Pretty loud, dude. I bet he was just going, British.
British are on their way. Oh, because he's got to tell- He's got to tell a million people.
Oh, that's right. He's going to lose his voice the first turn in fucking- Dude, imagine if he just had Twitter.
Yeah. We'd have to leave the house.
Just tweet it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Isn't that really funny to think when he rode through the North End and Charlestown, and by some point, he did lose his voice. Wouldn't that be so funny? That'd be insane.
He's sign languages. The British.
He sounds like RFK. Yeah, yeah.
The British. I'm in.
We're in his clothes right now, and I am so uncomfortable. You did wash his gum itchy.
No, there's no chance he washed this. He said, you know, he said to me, I said this.
It smells like you. Oh, it smells.
I go, this collar smells. He goes, that's because it leans up against my window that has sun hitting it.
Oh, wow, wow, wow. I bet you you're one of those assholes that doesn't use fucking detergent.
What's the point of washing if I'm not going to use detergent? Your energy right now? It's not 4th of July, dude. It's not 4th of July.
It's 5th of July. It's about a war.
1st of July is a war. Okay, well, you're trying to go to war with Bobby? I thought we're on the same team.
You're right. All right, so regroup.
All right? What I'm saying is that what I meant to say is You don't use You know how sometimes you see You smell Mexicans They smell delicious They smell so clean You go to East LA It smells so good They're always doing laundry When I hug Frankie Quinones I hug a little extra Because he's just so clean Yeah Yeah, they do always smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like bounce sheets.

Because they use a lot of detergent, I believe.

Good detergent.

I feel like good ones.

You know which one?

You can't even get in the market.

Fabuloso.

Fabuloso, though.

Those are more long sleeves.

I don't really wear a lot of long sleeves because I don't live in the Midwest anymore.

Your attitude is fucking insane.

Are you trying to do this because the intern's here?

Yes.

Yeah, you have a crush on the intern?

You have no chance with her.

Why are you showing off to the new intern? Can I bring the intern come out for a. Yeah, you have a crush on the intern? You have no chance with her.
Why are you showing off

to the new intern?

Wait, can I bring the,

can I, intern,

come out for a second?

What's your name again?

Delaney.

Hi, Delaney.

Where are you from, Delaney?

Los Angeles.

Oh, you live here?

Awesome.

Let her step on a boot,

let her step on an Apple box

and look at how much taller

she is than these two guys.

I know.

Wow.

Nice try, Carlos.

Nice try, Carlos.

No, don't hunch over.

Stay on the Apple box.

Delaney, Delaney,

does McCone have a chance

with you ever?

What do you do?

What's that? Oh, no, I said the wrong. What is that? We're not doing that.
Oh, sorry, sorry. That's not that.
Okay, what were you going to ask? You. Oh, yeah, that's right.
Sit back down, thank you. Wait.
Delaney, get back up for a second. Get back up.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, sorry. Get back up.
Let's start again. Let's try it again.
Yeah, let's try it again. You do it then.
Yeah. Okay, go on.
McCone, who you just met, right? Just today, right just today right first time yeah so here's his thing whenever there's a woman in his presence uh he tries to show off you know like he'll belittle us he thinks that's funny right get get out of the shot get out of the shot get out of the shot and he'll do this thing where he's like he's like tries to be alpha and stuff. Let me ask you a question, okay? Do you know, are you familiar with the podcast? Yeah.
Okay, so you know the power dynamics, right? Do you believe that Andrew and I are McCone's bosses? Sure, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And do you think that we have the power position in this scenario? Yeah, we should. Now, listen to the way McCone talks to to us does that sound like a man who is not in the power position no really yeah exactly interesting it sounds like a man who what thinks he is say it the boss the boss he thinks he's the boss yeah and i i want your opinion how do you feel about that um i mean he has the confidence so that's good.
Okay. I don your opinion.
How do you feel about that? Um, I mean, he has the confidence. So that's good.
Okay. I don't know.
Does it make you, does it make you like McCone or hate McCone when he does that kind of stuff? Probably lean towards hate. Yeah.
Yeah, fuck. I mean.
Yeah. And give her a full time.
We'll get her job here. Okay.
Yeah. You're just an intern right now.
Yeah. Full time.
Amazing-time and i like that and and you know what honestly how tall are you 5 11 yeah 5 11 that's i can replace mccone because we need someone tall yeah exactly perfect yeah if you don't mind if this is cool will you just stand right behind the box with the guys there for the rest so i don't have to look at him for a little while yeah yeah yeah thank you so much yeah that area yeah no that's great right right that's where he's great. Right.
Right. That's fine.
That's fine. Yeah.
That's where he usually is. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you. And if you have anything to like dive in, like a comment.
If you want to throw in, just throw in your two cents. You can lean in.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Like a real, just lean in real quick.
Don't have to get back on the box. Just lean in.
Just fast. We do like a lot of fast stuff like this, like a hot dogs or hamburgers.
Go fast. Hamburgers.
Pizza, pizza. Calzones pizza pizza or calzones pizza or calzones pizza why why no no no fast fast fast uh uh uh Israel Palestine fast yeah um yeah yeah okay do I have no give her a job this is great yeah give her a job the way you paused I loved it way to go Delaney anyway Delaney way to go thank youaney.
I called her Panini when I first met her. That's what I thought her name was, Panini.
Well, it is- It sounded- Only white people go there, I think. I'll do it fast.
Ask me what my name is. I'm her.
What's your name? I didn't- That's what she said. Well, that's what it sounded like to me.
It sounded like- And so what did you get out of that? A donut. A donut.
Yeah, a donut. I got it.
All right, well. Can I call you Don? Sure.
Okay. I'll call you panini.
All right. Anyway.
Wait a minute, get back. Wait, whose hat is this? That's new.
Brand new. It's so itchy, my head.
Oh, man. What would you call your strip club if you owned it? If you owned a strip club? Dax's strip club.
Okay. What? Dax's strip club.
Oh. Hey, man, what do you want to do tonight, man? Oh, I don't know, man.
Probably go over to Dax's. You can go to Dax's.
I mean, they don't have a cover. That's great.
They don't have a cover. There's no girls there.
I know, man. So it's just a bar, man.
Well, but he just stands there and looks at you. I know.
I kind of like him. Yeah, yeah.
He doesn't sleep much. He hasn't slept in days.
He's got bags under his eyes. Yeah.
Poor guy. Poor guy.
Let's go to Dax's, man. Yeah,ax's Yeah we gotta go We'll go see that guy What would your strip club be called If you had one Coconut banana Oh your two favorite flavors Yeah two coconuts One banana Right Oh men too Two coconuts One banana What do you think It's for bisexuals No Oh Not on oneuts would ruin the tits and the kind of way i try to do a plan that's what he just said no but he's saying that it's on one body it can be yeah you can't why why can't it be oh you took it there i know exactly i thought there would be like a section with men and a section with women and if you like both you can go to both oh oh oh this is a great idea a strip club where i just you just blew my mind what kind of like a smoking section a non-smoking section restaurants go to both.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. This is a great idea.
A strip club where- Dude, you just blew my mind, what?

Kind of like a smoking section

and non-smoking section restaurants used to have.

Yeah, yeah.

You could have a dude side and a chick side.

Yeah.

So then you could bring your wife or girlfriend,

bring your boyfriend or husband-

Yeah, yeah.

And go all seen a little bit.

Split off, do your thing, meet back up, you know?

Do you have anything that you're planning to do

for the 4th of July?

Do you do something to celebrate?

My friends just did fireworks on the roof last year. On the roof? Fun? Yeah.
There was one that went wrong and just didn't shoot up and just exploded right by us. Wow.
Could have lost a... Ear.
Yeah, an ear. Eardrum.
Eardrum, yeah. There's a famous football player who lost a finger doing that years ago whoa jason pierre paul jpp jason yeah pierre paul i said it right is it true that if you hold a piece stick of dynamite and you close your fist and you light it your hand will disappear yeah look okay look he lost a finger during during he set off a firework he lost fingers.
But did he grip it? I think it went off in his hand earlier. He was probably lit up on the 4th of July, drunk as shit.
He still played football afterwards. It still was great.
Those were his fingers? Look at that. There's his mitt.
Oh, my God. What's your favorite? Do you watch any sports? What's your favorite sport? Basketball.
Oh, who's your team? The Lakers. Yeah, Los Angeles or Minneapolis? Los Angeles.
Okay, great. Do you know that they're from Minneapolis? No.
Cool. Yeah.
Soccer? I don't know anything about it, but my friend's like the Utah team. Yeah.
That's the MLS. And Messi I know about.
You know about Messi. What do you know about him? That he's great.
What country is he from? Argentina, right? Wow, that's very good. Say it the right way, though.
Argentina? No, you can say it. Say how you're supposed to say Argentina.
Argentina? Come on, Dax. I know you know how to do it.
Dax, come on. Wait, you're an actor, dude.
Come on. Argentina.
Well, let him get into it. Wait, can you do it so I know how? No, he does not know how to do it.
He knows how to do it up there. Look at the guy in the hat.
Oh, you do it. Argentina.
There it is. Argentina.
Argentina. Say it with confidence.
Yeah, yeah. Argentina.
So Messi's from where?

Argentina.

Oh, great.

Very good.

Very nice.

And what soccer club was he playing for for most of his career?

Argentina?

No.

What?

Barcelona.

Barcelona.

Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, you're doing an Italian guy.

I know.

You're going Barcelona. great So you're pretty much bored all the time There's not much to do You don't do much I feel like he reads I don't think he reads either I don't read anymore I'm not bored but my life is probably boring To other other people but i like it well everyone's life is boring to somebody else he's he his life would bore the shit out of me i was so bored yesterday what'd you do at night yeah i just kind of walked around like you know playing side music because i got one of those bluetooth speakers a new one pretty loud and i was listening and i was i was like god i'm so miserable right now? I'm just alone you just kind of get you tap into like loneliness and I'm just kind of wandering around and I'm going God this is I'm miserable you know What could you do to change that? Nothing I just have to let it pass my point is do you get that way? No I like to be alone But you never get depressed then? Sometimes but not really have you ever been depressed maybe maybe in high school i didn't like high school yeah high school kind of stuff last time you were fucking depressed pretty good pretty healthy good relationship with himself i mean is it spirituality baby uh why do you keep looking over there not gonna help.
Oh, Panini's over there. He keeps looking at Panini.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You pray? What's going on here, bud? Maybe just, I like to just go for walks and listen to music.
Same. And then if something sad happens, I definitely feel depressed.
Like what would happen? Do you have a dog or a cat or anything? No, no. No animal.
But if, I feel like you like lizards or something. They're fine.
Right, like, look at this, you know what I mean? Chameleon I got. Or spider.
I do like lizards, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. If one, if I had one and it died, I would be depressed.
There we go. I mean yeah i think that would make sense that makes perfect you loved him true yeah yeah but you've never had one so how do you even know well i mean i know shit tastes bad but i've never tasted it that is true but like you have a dog i love your dog what's her name cubby cubby the cubs the cub is I've been on planes with the cubs she likes you yeah she feels dude i like you dude she feels comfortable with you and here's why why she knows that you're an animal guy she really doesn't like people that aren't animal guys or gals right you know when someone lies to you and say they like dogs and then they come into your fucking house and they fake pet and you're like, you don't have to do that.
It's okay if you don't like dogs. Yeah.
And they go like this. Doggy.
Yeah, yeah. Good doggy.
Good, yeah. And you're like, it's okay.
A month ago I had a girl at my house. She goes, ugh, cats.
And I went, leave. Get out.
That quick. Get out.
Already, it's like a red flag. It's like, like what are you talking about and another one made a snide comment like as she entered my you know that my downstairs area as she enters she goes cats smells like cats i go yeah it's a good smell there's cats here yeah yeah it's a good smell what you're gonna do about it and she goes nothing why are you so weird i go nothing either you know i mean don't say shit like that.
Whatever. You know what I mean? Like, I'm so defensive.
Well, yeah, it's yours. You love them.
Yeah. So I know how you are with your dog.
Yeah. Like, it's an extension of you.
It is. What are you laughing? Is this one of the girls that runs off your car quickly? I can't hear a word he's saying.

I didn't understand the joke.

What did he say?

I know it's going to make me mad.

Yeah.

I'm kind of glad I didn't hear it,

so slow it down.

What did he say?

McCone, what did he say?

What did he say, McCone?

Is there one of the girls

that run from your car quickly?

Oh, is it one of the girls

that ran from your car quickly

that you tried to kiss? I get it. Oh, shots when are you going to spain don't come back listen listen i'll be honest honest let's let you want to do real talk hit him hard no no no let's do real talk hit him hard baby i want to do real talk because i love you man i want to do real talk all right it's, dude.
Right? Am I not right? Yeah. I know.
This is how you do when you- It's very nice. When you fire somebody, you've made that before.
You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
It's been a pleasure. You know, and it's really- What a- Memory is what we built together.
We did. We did, right? We did.
Yeah. But what I want to say is you're on your last leg.
That's it? Okay. I had to tell her a couple of days ago, like, I can't hang out because I know I'm in the friend zone.
And it really hurt me. The FZ.
Yeah. And so I don't know why you're crying so hard that you left.
Yeah, what is that? What is wrong with you, dude? He hasn't slept in days. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The baby's keeping him up. He is keeping...
Oh, is that what you're justifying for him? Gotta be. I mean, what else is it? But guy, dude.
No, it's not like that. It's not.
Okay. Okay.
Dax, what's your favorite midnight snack? Look, you're up late. Dax gets out of bed and goes, I'm snacky.
What are you going to get? Maybe order something from like an app. Okay.
And what would you order? Where would you go? Maybe just get some French fries or something. Just fries.
Just fries. Yeah.
From where, do you think? Fred 62 because I live near it. Oh, Fred 62 is great.
Yeah. May I say that? I love Fred 62.
Yeah. Still open late? Yeah.
Yeah. 24-7.
Still 24-7. Yeah.
Great breakfast sandwich at 3 in the morning if you want one phenomenal i'll tell you what i had the other night at 2 in the morning it's i don't know it's not a i don't know what brand it is but it's they're like they look like fries they're chips but they're fiery and on the cover of it there's a cheetah cheetos that's not cheetos flaming hot cheeto no no there's another cheetah takis yeah it's that oh chester's chester's but the same thing i know but anyway um i like how you go not cheetos it's the same fucking thing it's not it's a that's not a cheeto that's chester chester's are made by cheetos are they really you think they fucking have a mutual split over a iconic figure i think they're two different tigers no, no? Chester is his name. Chester Cheetah is the fictional character by Frito-Lay's Chester.
What in the fuck are you talking about? Okay, I'm sorry, I didn't know. Because I was mad about that and I got, these hacks.
Yeah, I was scolding the company. I ate a whole bag of those fiery fries.
Delicious. Very delicious.
Yeah. But then the next morning, I'm a little embarrassed.
You paid for it, didn't you? I paid for it on this way. This tooth right here, right? In the back of it was just the mush of it caked into my tooth.
Did you didn't brush? I didn't brush. I brushed then.
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I went to bed. I'm hungry.
I know there's a bag. Yeah.
In my drawer. I ate it.
Went back to sleep. And in the morning I had this gigantic mushed up.
You know what I mean? Caked onto my tooth. Right? And I had to.
I couldn't do it with a toothbrush. Because it's gross to do it with a toothbrush.
So I had to gigantic mushed up you know what I mean? Caked onto my tooth.

I couldn't do it with a toothbrush because it's gross to do it with a toothbrush so I had to do it

with a toothbrush. It was really bad.
Then you had breakfast.

Yeah. And it came back out

you put it right back in. I think I did it.
You eat it back in.

You gotta. Yeah.
Do you brush

multiple times a day? Twice a day.

Morning and night and that's it? Yeah. You ever do a midday

brush? No. A little clean up? No.

No. No.
No floss? I should should yeah it looks good it's fine dude you're like a clean upstanding citizen i just realized thank you you brush your teeth right you pay your bills all your and all your um um expenses are paid for right like you know expenses like your car rent do you buy it yes right it's paid for, right? Like, you know, expenses like your car.

Do you buy it?

Yes.

Right.

It's paid for?

Mm-hmm.

Insurance.

Yes.

Everything on time?

Yes.

Yeah.

Do you pray?

No.

Okay, that's a little, you know.

What's your credit score?

I've never looked it up.

Probably exceptional.

It's got to be so good, I bet you it's like 800.

Yeah.

And I think the last time you told me,

you don't masturbate that much.

I didn't say that.

Show me your hands.

What's a normal amount to you?

What is it to you?

What is it to you is a good question.

Yeah, but he's answering with another question. Okay.
To me, a normal amount would be every other day. Unless you have a partner.
Unless. Right.
Yeah, maybe like that. Is that what you do? Yeah.
No. Nope.
I'll tell you why. You don't believe it? Yeah.
Back up for a second with the thing. Don't lie to me, pal.
Okay? I asked you a question. You could have said every other day, but you didn't.
You were going to see, because you don't know what the normal amount is, because you do it all the time. Feverishly.
Yeah, you do. Feverishly.
Yeah. Aggressively.
And that's not my...

That's you.

Yeah.

Right?

I don't have an opinion about that.

No judgment here.

It sounds like you're judging.

I'm not judging.

Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I know it sounds like it.

Right.

And I am, but I'm not.

All right?

So, Guy.

Can I call you Guy for a sec?

Yes.

Pocahontas?

No, no.

Fuck it.

I don't like liars.

Pocahontas?

Yeah, yeah.

Or Chachi?

Can I call you Chachi?

Sure.

All right. Lunk.
Lunk. Give me the real amount..
Yeah, yeah. Chachi? Can I call you Chachi? Sure.
All right.

Lunk.

Lunk.

Give me the real amount.

Come on, baby.

Maybe less than every other day.

Maybe a few times a week.

Nice.

Oh, you're going the opposite way.

You thought it was more. Whoa.

Yeah.

You?

Every full moon. Oh, because I hear the the howling and i don't like it you have to howl when you come do i have to it's instinctual i know do it again that howl i know you know it's not my fault the moon gets up there and i get i get hornet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. When I see the moon.
Yeah. Whenever

the mood strikes me. Yeah.
I bark.

I don't howl. What noise

do you make?

No noise. When you complete

That's the creepiest one. Right.
Sorry.

This is what you do. This is what Dak says.

I think he goes like this.

Completed.

Completed? Wow, that's really good Is that close? Do you ever say something to yourself when you're done Do you go good Dex I know but I could try it Let's try it Tonight will you try it Maybe When you're done tonight I want you to go Very good Dex Do you like somebody right now? I can tell You like somebody right now A little crushy wash? I do have a crush But she doesn't live here How far? New York We only hung out a couple times It's fine This is romantic I love New York New York City know why they call it that? No. Yeah.
Because in hotels they used to leave an apple on your pillow when they and chocolates. That's right.
And chocolates. Do you know that? No.
Why? They would call it the Big Chocolate then. They used to leave an apple on your pillow after you stayed at a hotel when they turned over the hotels.
Why did they do that? Well the apple industry had like a stronghold on the government and New York was kind of feeding it. Red Delicious.
Yeah, upstate New York was kind of, they had an overflow. You know how we use corn syrup and everything because corn overgrew? Same thing happened in northern New York, northern New York state, upstate, and they just were like, we have to get rid of a lot of these apples.
Hey, pal. They forced the hand.
This is a lie, but... I know it is.
It's a lie, but it was so good. It's a long lie.
It's a long lie. Did you believe any of it? Well, just until you started explaining it.
Yeah, thanks. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. That's a fun exercise, you know what I mean, of like kind of just trying to be a, have knowledge about a thing.
Yeah. Like beef jerky.
You and I do this on this show every single day. But with you, I want to ask about this real love situation, right? I'm so interested.
I'm so interested. And honestly, we're not teasing you.
No. We want to help you.
We want to help you. You're our dog.
You're our guy. Okay? So without saying any names, I don't want you to feel uncomfortable.
How did you meet her? A friend of a friend. And then she offered to help me with an editing thing.
A video that you did? No. She offered.
That's important. Very important.
Is she a fan, you think? No. But the friend was.
That's okay. So the friend loves your shit? I don't know how much they like it, yeah.
But that's okay. But you know that you like it a little.
Yeah. Well that's like us we don't know how much they like it.
Yeah. But that's okay.

But you know that you like it a little.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, that's like us.

We don't know what the degree is.

We don't ask.

What percentage do you like me?

I mean, that's insane.

But my point is, all we know is he likes you.

And she probably, if she offered to help you edit, she finds you cute.

Yeah, big time.

Maybe.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Was she tall, short? What are we talking? Brown hair, blonde hair? Shorter than me. Shorter than you? Shorter than you.
What color hair? Brown. What color eyes? Brown? Yeah.
What size feet? I don't know. Okay.
You got to know. Okay.
That's an extremely important detail. Is she more, and I don't even know how to say it.
Is she more, is she really feminine or is she, you know? Maybe more feminine. Feminine.
Okay. Soft.
Soft. Yeah.
Small, petite. Does she know you have a crush? Maybe.
Maybe. Because we got an email from this girl emailed us.
What'd she say? Alexi. Can we Google this girl? I mean, go to her Instagram.
So this girl asked. So let's see if...
We have another option for you, bud. Okay.
All right. Wow, she's good looking, Dax.
She's very pretty. She said, are you single? She's a hot Latina.
How the fuck does he get her? I can't get her. I don't want to date with her.

What are you talking about?

She's pretty.

You're on a million dates with a million pretty girls.

Go ahead.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

That was wrong of me.

No.

She really likes you, dude.

Look at how cute she is.

Would this be something you'd be interested in dating this girl?

She reached out to us.

Do you want us to connect you?

She's very pretty.

Sure.

Yeah.

Is she your type, just based on that profile?

I want to let you know. She has no legs.
This is all torso. Yeah.
She has no legs. Is that okay? Yeah.
Okay. But just facially, is that something that's down your line? Okay, good.
You want us to set up a date with her or no? What would that date be? Well, we'll pay for a dinner date, movie, an outing. We'll ship you off to Catalina Island if you'd like.
You tell us what you want to do with this. What is your date? Like your dream date, what is it? You have a car, right? What did you say? You have a Subaru? What do you have? A Frostrack.
What? A Frostrack. Subaru, yeah.
Yeah, a Subaru, right? You pick her up, right? Beep, beep. Right? Beep, beep.
She comes out. The British are coming! Yeah, yeah.
Right? Do you open her door for her or no? Yeah, yeah. You open the door.
Well, actually, it's kind of hard to know what to do. I did go on a hinge date where I picked someone up, and I didn't know if I should get out and open the door.
And then when she got in, I, like, tried to give her, like, a side hug kind of thing.

That's too soon.

Too soon.

No, no.

He's allowed to do that.

No, it's too fucking soon to do that.

No, no, no.

Stop.

Stop.

What the fuck?

You don't know her.

You open the door and you try to do a side hug?

It did feel up.

Carlos.

It's too much, right?

If you were standing up, I get it.

Get Panini on the mic. Panini, get up.
Panini up panini come here because panini how old are you 21 okay are you dating right now not like are you in a relationship nice okay you're not in a relationship okay so if you're on a date and a guy did this with dax if he did give a little cute side hug is that are you mad about it you upset no but i feel like you should have gone out of. Okay.
Okay, that would have been better because it did feel weird. Wait, wait, you weren't out of the car? No, I wasn't out of the car.
Were you open? Oh, you leaned over and opened it that way? I can't remember if I opened it. I feel like he leaned across and opened it.
Yeah, you leaned and go, whoa, whoa, whoa. Open it right there.
She came in and you do it. Will you? Come on in.
Side hug, right? Be honest. Whenever she sat there, then I was like, nice to meet you.
Oh my God. That's not a move that I would do.
Anyway, that's your own thing. I think it's great.
All right, anyway. So how else does the day go? I'm the girl.
Where are we going? Would you like to grab some food? Yeah. Okay, let's get some food.
Where are we going?

Oh,

what do you like?

Wait, you didn't make

reservations?

Oh,

yeah, I made some reservations.

Okay, where?

At

a

awesome place,

sushi place.

Oh, I love sushi.

What's it called?

Sugar fish.

Oh, I like sugar fish. That's good.
What are you looking at me for? I'm doing it wrong? Sugarfish. Oh, I like sugarfish.

That's good.

What are you looking at me for?

I'm doing it wrong?

I'm not fucking here.

You guys are on a date.

Yeah, you're judgy.

No, I'm the neighbor.

I'm just looking at my window.

Oh, you're looking.

All right.

All right, so, okay, sugarfish.

We go to sugarfish, and then, like, we're sitting down.

So, what do you like to order here?

I like to just get whatever the chef recommends. Hey, welcome to Sugarfish.
Let me take your fucking order, eh? What's up, man? You want something to drink first to start? Just water, please. Oh, yeah? Water? Ice or no ice? Ice is fine.
You're out of luck. We don't have any, bro.
What about you? Do you guys have any high-end sake? All we have right now to drink is Sprite, horchata, water. Is this sugar fish? What? Are we at sugar fish? No.
What is this? This is pink taco. What the fuck? Yeah, why are we at a pink taco, Dax? What the fuck? You thought this was a sugar fish? Yeah, I got, it was closer.
No, man. Yeah, yeah.
All right, well, I guess I'll get a horchata. Yeah, horchata for you.
All right, for the lady, for you. Water, right? Okay, great.
Be right back. Anyway, wow, I just, it's weird that you would say we were going to sugar fish and now we're at pink taco.
Sorry. Hey, there's your horchata, there's your water.
Yeah's your water yeah yeah that was fast

yeah they're right behind me

oh okay

what would you like to order

uh just uh

shrimp tacos

okay how many

three

you want them blackened

uh sure

yeah you have to say yes

yes yeah

um so I'm

any modifications

no thank you

you like them as is

yes

okay

do you know everything

that comes on it

uh no

ah fuck you then

all right

Thank you. You like him as is? Yes.
Okay. Do you know everything that comes on it? No.
Ah, fuck you then. All right.
What about you? I love this guy. I'm vegan.
Hurry up, China. We got to go.
Are you vegan? Yeah, I'm vegan. So what are my vegan options? You could either fuck off or...
Okay, yeah, just fuck off is all it says here. Yeah, yeah, I'll get three fuck offs.
Okay, three fuck offs. Any modifications? Well, does it come with guacamole? Yeah, it's extra.
Yeah, all right. Okay, do you want a blackened? Yeah, I don't know what blackened fuck off sounds like.
Fuck off! Okay, yeah. That's what that shit is.
Oh, that's what a black. That's a black and fuck off.
That is so funny, dude. Okay.
I'll be right back. Yeah, that was, dude, that was, dude, you're on fire today, dude.
We're just humming. You're humming too.
So you took this girl, finish the date. So the date's over.
You left the restaurant. Okay.
Yeah. All right.
right. We're back.
Fucking losing his mind. Anyway.
I need to get a grip on this guy. So that pink taco was okay.
I mean, the fuck off. I've had better fuck offs.
You know what I mean? And I should have gotten blackened. I really, I barely ate it.
But what are we doing now? What are you in the mood for? Oh, wow. Well, we can go watch a movie, I guess.

Okay.

What have you watched?

Oh, Furiosa?

You want to go see Furiosa?

Have you seen it already?

I've seen it.

Yeah, I saw it too.

Okay.

I want to go to the house.

What?

I want to go to the house.

Maybe, you know, but there's probably some new streamers or something that come out. You want to come to my house? Yeah.
Really? Yeah. Okay.
Come on. We walk in the door.
Anyway, I have like nine roommates. Okay.
All right. This is my roommate, Tito.
You recognize him from the restaurant, Pink Taco. What's up? Good to see you.
I see you as my roommate. He's like, you know what I mean? Good to see you again.
I mean my roommate You know what I mean Good to see you again I mean what's a blackened Fuck off anyway right He knew I mean it was a joke Yeah yeah So Tito say hi to him Yeah good to see you What's up Hello Yeah yeah yeah 15% huh Piece of shit Now you treat people In the industry bro Sorry Yeah cheap okay oh anyway okay pretty cheap yeah hey hey tito yeah that's okay though no no tito shut the fuck up all right okay all right he he you know he hasn't been in a movie like 15 years oh yeah yeah yeah an actor bro uh i was and i do more tiktoks oh yeah i fucking love tiktok anyway tito all right can we Tito. Peace out later, bro.
Where's Raul and your brothers? Raul, you want me to go get him? Go get Raul because I want to introduce him. Go get Raul.
Raul. Raul.
Raul. Yeah, he has a bike.
It's got that weird horn. Hey, I'm Raul! Raul! Raul! Yeah.
Yeah, he has a bike. Hey.
He's got that weird horn. Hey, I'm Raul.
Yeah. Nice.
Hey, Raul. Yeah.
So anyway, I just want to let you know, Dax, I've always been in open relationships. I fuck all these guys.
Yeah, we fuck her. All of us.
We run a train. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You want to be the caboose? Yeah, yeah. No, thanks.
I mean, the train's taken off in about 45 minutes, right? If you look at the schedule, we have a schedule. Yeah, right on the wall.
Right on the wall. Look at the wall.
And it flips like a European train station. It flips, tells you the stops.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, let him be the front this time.
You're always the front. Why don't you be the caboose, okay, Raul? All right, I'll let him.
All right, right. I'm the white guy.
Yeah, yeah. But do you want to watch something first? Sure.
Okay. What do you want to watch? Some kind of movie on.
You like sci-fi? Yeah. You do? Let's watch something sci-fi.
Okay. Oh, I know.
Hobbit, Return to the Netherlands is out. Okay.
they leave the middle. Hobbit returned to the Netherlands is out.
Okay. You know, they leave the Middle Earth and they go to the Netherlands.
You know what I mean? And it's like, you know, the adventure continues. I haven't seen the other Hobbits.
Oh, really? Yeah. We should start with the first one, the destination of whatever, Smaug.

Alright, so you want to watch it?

Yes. And you was the star of it? The guy from

the office, the English office.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, what's his name?

Freeman. Yeah, Martin Freeman.

Yeah, whatever.

Should we watch it?

Yeah.

So, what are we going to watch it on?

Oh, do you have... Raul.

Raul.

I don't like the way this guy looks at me, bro.

I don't like the way this guy looks at me bro I know He has a creepy look right If you want me to leave the TV room Just say so Yeah yeah That's fine You want me to stay? Can you watch Do you Actually do you want to Because you've seen all this Hobbit Do you want to watch Return to the Netherlands? I guess for the third time. All right.
Let's watch the Netherlands one. All right.
And so we're just going to sit on the couch. And then, oh, okay.
The TV, it works? Yeah, of course. Okay.
So turn it on, Raul. All right.
So anyway. I'm going to take off.
I got to go. Wrong movie.
Why'd you put on The Femptive Menace? That's my favorite movie. I got to go in case you guys want to hook up.
Are you going to hook up with my girl? Yeah. Well, no, the train's taking off.
Are you going to hook up with my girl? Wait, the train's taking off, right? Go get Tito. Go get Tito.
Get Sam. Get all the boys.
All the boys? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You ready? You ready, dude? Here's your conductor's hat.
Ready? All right. Well, I'm the front, right? So I'm bending over, all right? And we're going to Fresno.
That's where you're born, right? Choo-choo. Very good.
What a date. So you landed.
You landed. It seemed like that worked.
That worked. Yeah.
What do you think you think panini is that a kind of date that you'd want to go on is that something that that's not what it usually goes like maybe that's hinge stuff then to each his own to each their own to each his own how many dating apps are you on uh tinder and hinge nice why not uh what's the other one the What's the big one? Raya. Raya? Are you on that? I'm on Raya.
No, no.

Why not? you on uh tinder and hinge nice why not uh what's the other one the big what's the big raya raya are you on that i'm a ryan no no why not i applied once and they just didn't let me no here's what he can recommend you right carlos you're on it yeah i'm on mccona you want it yet he's he hasn't gotten in yeah yeah because i denied his yeah wait a minute you you you applied and didn't get in no I got a request from him and I denied it. I have like six applications.
Dude, that's so fucking funny. I got in like what? How long did it take me? Probably a couple days.
A couple days, yeah. Days? Yeah.
Even that? No. You're famous.
Isn't that what that whole bullshit is about? Two days. He's been at it for six months.
Still not there. No, over like two years.
Two years is not there. They'll never let you in.
You're not going to get in. I check it every couple months.
Panini, are you on there? No. Would you want to be on those apps? No.
Okay, that's not for you. You like it naturally.
You're meeting a guy on the beach. So you're not on any of the apps? No.
Wow. Wow, wow, wow.
That's it for 21. Am I crazy? Doesn't it? Yeah, but she's, you know, she has her own style.
No, I know, but everyone's on the apps in your age range. McCone's 25 now.
Yeah. I mean, I don't really use the apps that much.
They're not. So no one that young does.
So maybe it's the people in their 30s or use them more. People are holding on to it.
And in their 50s. 30s and up, I meant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But wait, so the people in their 20s now, you guys, no one's using them.
I mean, everyone just kind of knows that it's all kind of like, a lot of it's just bot activity. A lot of it's algorithms designed against you.
It's not great. So their business is dropping.
Yeah. Tinder saw its paid users fall by nearly 10% last year.
That's fucking huge. Wow.
Wow. This will continue to fall.
You guys are finally going to do what we did, which is go talk to people all the time and get rejected to your fucking face, which is actually fucking rad. Getting rejected is such a healthy part of growing.
It's so funny. When I get rejected, I do often.
you know? And I'm being real. Not true.
That's bullshit. No, I do.
I mean, have I had great dates? I'm dating somebody right now I really like. Yeah.
And that's not a rejection. She really likes me.
I like her and whatnot, right? Yeah, you've never been rejected. I know, but you mean that other girl that, you know, when you were trying to tease me.
Cobra. The Cobra, right? other day she basically said it's the age it's the age yeah she goes you know i'm 27 or whatever and you're 52 and when i'm this age you're gonna be this age and and she's like i just i don't think i can do it we're all just looking for love i know and that's what i told her too and you said i don't care how and she's just said still the yeah.
Yeah, the age. And I go, okay, that's fine.
I completely understand and

good luck. She hasn't, she's got to have,

she doesn't have any,

you know, she doesn't have

What is it? Foresight.

But I'm an old

man, dude. But the good news is

you die, she gets your

shit. Prenupt, dude.

No, no, no. Oh, okay.
You're not going to get married. If you live with someone in California for a certain time.
That's not true. Yeah, 100% it is.
It's not. It's not a thing.
It absolutely is. Look it up, California.
What's it called? Common. Common law.
There's no common law in California. Yeah, because he would have gone through it.
I would have gone through it with Kalilah. Yeah.
No statue that confers the right to marry couples. There are statues that wear a couple, but they're in fact not's got to be something there is i feel like i've heard horror stories yeah in other states yes not here yeah it doesn't you know why because everybody here is a fucking child nobody grows up that's it right we live in peter pan land yeah but it's it here's but also what i don't get is they look at like right now me and this girl are having a great time.
We get along and this and that, right? But immediately she lives not in the moment. She lives 20 years down the line.
You know, what if this happens? You know what I mean? So you'll die at the same time then? Yeah. That kind of makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, that's perfect. Right, but they don't think that way.
So it's like, i you know i um i live in the moment i don't think about like oh if this happens this happens that's insane the way that the thing well because it's all going to go away when you at least expect it well they say what in the next two years we don't fix the um the environmental problem it's it's irreversible blah blah blah yeah yeah heard it before show me a couple videos for fun that's me tell me this isn't you tell me this isn't you oh dude he's my friend dude yeah your jacket i love him dude that's your jacket your backpack and your hat i know it was like that's bobby lee i know what's that actor's name benedict benedict cumberb Yeah. That's what he looks like, Benedict Cumberbatch.
Yeah, he just texted me like, in LA, we're going to have dinner. He's a great guy, dude.
Well, make sure he doesn't wear that jacket. That'll be a bummer if you're wearing that.
But when he did see me, he did see me, I was wearing all that stuff. He saw me perform once and he goes, oh, good look, bro.
You think he's just copying? He might be. I'm not kidding when I say this.
Yeah, yeah. but can i say this now that i see it on another person you see how ridiculous you no no i see how cool i am oh am i right dax you know him uh just from this this clip you've never seen the movies that guy yeah he was in doctor strange no i haven't seen that yeah yeah see yeah now do you remember now you remember no yeah yeah i mean it's it's a great guy it looked so much like you it fucking i love it it was like you alternate if i'm like similar to that good you're give me another thing not similar you look exactly like okay here's a new move you can do on girls since you keep getting cobra'd you get the lice oh the lice move what is it he's pretending to look for lice oh very smart look at that guy that's smart who is that guy that's a guy that got a mail order bride off the internet yeah yeah but that's smart he looks pretend to look for lice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's smart.
That's pretty smart.

He looks, pretend to look for lice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does it have to be lice?

What is it?

What are you looking for in somebody's hair?

Well, I just saw the omen.

What's in the omen?

Six, six, six on the skull.

Whoa.

Do you have to shave their head to see?

No, you go, are you the Antichrist?

And then you kind of look, right?

Oh, you give them a kiss?

That's just like this.

The Antichrist symbol is on the head. Right.
Right, so there's other ways let's give me another one um is that a wig or no um you're you're balding oh yeah let me see your hairline yeah that's 666 on the zoom in it yeah that right on the crown yeah i don't believe in any of that stuff but i don't want to be near you don't believe that damien do you believe in damien who's that he's the devil's son no i i don't know i don't believe in that person okay yeah it's not a person it's a fucking he's saying he doesn't believe in you don't believe in demons or angels or any of that uh no so when you see constantine you're like i don't know who constantine the movie wait what you don't believe do you adamantly not believe in devils oh no no I just like don't like ever see ghosts or think about it but do you believe they exist like hey man I'm living with a demon right now baby I guess I would believe you if you really that's a bad example Well if he doesn't believe you Like this you've never had that kind of image In the middle of the night No I have had sleep paralysis Where like I feel like I'm Have like a shadowy thing holding me down Whoa Slenderman No just a shadowy thing It could be Slenderman Who knows who it could bey thing. Are you sure? It could be Slenderman.
It could be. Who knows who it could be? McCone, get him.
Come over here and get him a water. What does he need? Water? Just a water, yeah, or something.
Yeah. He has another water in his hand.
Oh, you do? Yeah. Oh, he's got it there.
He's got the- Oh, cool. Get you another one.
Thank you. Your legs are just putrid.
I'm sorry, you're a great guy from the waist up. Your legs kind of look like your thighs because they're so hairless.
They kind of look like... It's Rosie O'Donnell's legs.
It's like my aunt's legs. Like one of my aunts.
Doesn't it look like one of your aunt's legs? Yeah. That's like my aunt's leg.
You know what would be work? You have snow hair on your legs. You should tattoo.
Look at how he stands. I know.
Look at how he stands. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You saw here. Get out of here.
You're freaking me out, man. He's such a weird guy.
You love him, though. Yeah, you do.
He's like your son. He is, but if he can be replaced, Panini seems chill.
She seems like she could be around. Panini, do Right? Panini, do you want to come back? Yeah, I'd love to.
All right. I'm Panini.
All right. I guess we'll bring her back.
Do you think Panini should stick around on the show? Yeah. Do you want to come back on the show? I would come back whenever y'all would like me.
So our fans- Love you. Love you.
Oh, cool. I mean, I love you.
We had really good numbers with you. Cool.
What? I think we have a good camaraderie. Rapport.
And rapport. Y'all are fun to talk to.
Yeah? Do you think there's a bond? Yeah. Yeah.
Will you do me a favor the next time you come? Yeah. Have you ever shaved your face? Yes.
I usually just shave it like once a month. I want to see you shaved.
Okay. I'm so interested to see what your face looks like shaved.
Yeah, me too. I've only seen you with a beard.
Can you wear something else? Yeah. What do you want him to wear? He just wears the same old, like maybe jazz it up a little bit.
No, he looks great. Like a full button up? Yeah, a full button up maybe.
It would be funny to get him. A tie? For us to outfit you in like a.
FUBU or. Yeah, FUBU.
I was going to say hip hop clothing. Yeah.
Or just like maybe some Some Ed Hardy Just try to bring it back You know Back to 2002 Yeah yeah yeah Okay we could do Something like that European jeans You know with the Little embroidery Like zippers on the side Yeah yeah What about that It's not my style But I could give it a try Yeah If you like once Yeah yeah yeah Do you wanna say anything In in the camera to the girl in new york real fast in case she watches this um hi thank you for being a bad friend Yeah. Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.