The Yellow Man with a Green Thumb

Hey!

Bad Friends, look at these shirts. We got new shirts.
I love these shirts. They're our favorite shirts.
And it's got all of us on it. All the crew is on it.
McConey's on there. I'm on there.
Bob. Bob.
The Goop is on there too, I think. The Goop is in it, right? Who else is on it? Carlos and Jesse.
Is my brother on there? Who's that Asian guy right there to the left? Where? In the pink. Where? To the far right.
This? Yeah. That's your mom.
That's your mom. Oh, that's great, mom.
Bobby mom. My mom's sweet.
And she's on the shirt. Go to badfriendsmerch.com to get it, badfriendsmerch.com.
Dot com. Or on YouTube.
It's down below. Also, hey, we're coming down and down.
Hello, Ali-o. Where are we going down and down? Down and down.
We're going to Sydney, Australia, Brisbane, Australia, Auckland, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Adelaide, Australia, and Perth, Australia. We're going down and down, and we're going to be adding shows if we can.
We want to do more shows.

We want to come see you guys, so go get those tickets now.

Get it now. Badfriendspod.com.

They'll sell out. They'll sell out.
They will.

They definitely will. So go get them.
Badfriendspod.com.

Go get the tickets. You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something. We're bad friends.
I've got sleep. Apnea.
I got sleep. Four in the morning.
Wake up. Apnea.
I got four in the morning. Wake up.
Every four in the morning. I was up at six today for some reason.
My body woke me up to piss. Well, your body is athletic.
It's like Caitlyn Tomp. What's her name? Jenner.
No, no. The one.
No? Clark. I'm attracted to her.
I'm a little bit more of a Caitlyn Jenner than Caitlyn Clark. I'm a Clark girl.
I... Dude, I think she's so hot.
You don't think she's hot? It's insane. Uh, no comment.
Dude, I think she's hot, dude. Pleading the fifth.
He's gotta plead the fifth. Um, I know.
I don't think she's hot. She's not...
No. Oh, I love it.
No. Muscular titties.
No, but she's a talented ass. She probably has muscular titties, no? Big time.
Yeah. Is that her boyfriend or her husband? Oh, I could, hey, Clark, Kate and Clark, I'm better.
Nice try. Not husband, no.
Not husband, no. Look at him.
He comes so quick. Oh, he's the worst.
Her biceps. You think he shoots as far as she does? Yeah, yeah.

She shoots as deep as she does?

Yeah.

I've shot from deeper.

That's what she would say.

But dude, it's like three-pointers.

That's hard, huh?

Mm-hmm.

Dude, I've never watched basketball, but I've been looking her up.

Reels and stuff.

I go, oh, that's good.

I don't know what Stephen Curry or any of those guys do, but I'm sure it's pretty good. Yeah? Stephen Curry, the greatest shooter of all time.
Yeah. What are you talking about? I knew him.
Know him. I know him.
I knew him. I know him.
I know him, but you don't know him because you don't even know his name. Yeah, I've worked with him before.
He's a four-time NBA champ, two-time NBA Most Valuable Player, MVP, an NBA Finals MVP, an NBA All-Star Game MVP, an NBA Clunch Player of the Year, and an inaugural NBA Western Conference Finals MVP. Best shooter we've ever seen.
Probably one of the best. Nope, the best.
Did you see Civil War? I haven't seen it. You know why? Why? Because I know how it ended.
How does it end? The wrong team won, man. That's right, man.
It's so funny. It's like.
I saw it.

Oh, I didn't ask you.

Yeah, that's interesting that you say.

I didn't ask you?

He didn't ask you at all.

Yeah.

I just look at the box.

Kid looks at the box.

Yeah, look at the box.

Yeah, yeah.

And first of all, you didn't even tell us or approve with us that you brought a new blood to the studio.

Yeah.

Get on the mic here, kiddo.

Look at that kid.

What's your name?

Hi, I'm Ryan.

Hitler's dream. Hitler's dream, dude.
Yeah. You have the mic here, kiddo.
Look at that kid. What's your name? Hi, I'm Ryan.
Hitler's dream. Hitler's dream, dude.
You have hair down there yet? Do you have hair down there yet? I'm 21. I'd hope so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. When did you reach pubes? I mean, I think the same age as everyone is.
I'm looking for a man in podcast. Five, six, blonde hair, blue eyes, podcast.
I'm looking for a man who does podcasts. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're like an internet dream. You're like this cute little young-faced, blonde-haired kid who you're fresh off the boat.
You look like they open the box. You know they crack the box at Port Authority? Yeah.
And he's like, I'm Ryan. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's your name? Ryan Zyax. Ryan Zyax? Yes.
Yeah. Are you just petting him, Carlos? Yeah.
That's insane. What are you doing? He's not a Furby.
I want to put sesame oil on you. I don't know why.
Eat sushi off of his body? Yeah, yeah. Like one of those- Put sesame oil on his body, dude.
Yeah. Listen to the sun.
What's your favorite thing to eat, Ryan? Favorite thing to eat? Yeah. Probably- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa. i love when white dudes show all their teeth when they talk by the way he's so nervous this is so me ryan we love you you're a part of the family relax everything's good i love you guys too what's what's your favorite food favorite food definitely pasta that's the go-to 21 years old you're a single guy yes good good for you you're you.
You're out there, what do they say, playing the field?

You shoot, hey, how good is your riz?

How good is my riz?

It's not up for me to say.

Wow.

Whoa.

Who's it up to?

The scientists?

Up to the universe, I guess. Oh, the universe.

Okay.

You Christian?

Christian kid?

Christian conservative kid?

Oh, Catholic.

Catholic.

That's the same thing.

Can I ask you another personal question or is it uncomfortable?

Sure.

Ask me whatever you want. Are you a virgin? No.
Good. Very good.
Hmm. Body count.
What's your body count? Okay. No? Too much? Yeah.
You know. What? Citizen? He's never going to say.
Oh, he's never going to say. I can guess.
But you'd have to get there in a different way. May I guess? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I'm not going to say. See what I mean? He'll never say.
I understand. Gentlemen never tell.
I know they don't, right? But I can tell by your eyes. Three.
Dude, I was going to say three. I knew you were.
I could feel you. Yeah, yeah.
Because one is ridiculous. The first one was an accident.
Yep. The first one was a full fluke.
Yeah. Right? Fluke? Yeah.
The second one was a willing participant what are you guys psychics

yeah we are we are we are actually thank you i'm a psychic thank you google it all right anyway um and the third one was a family member or no third one was actually a professor in college Oh, fancy B.

Fancy B.

Wait, wait, you were his professor?

No, not exactly.

Not exactly. was actually a professor in college.
Oh. Fancy B.
Fancy B.

Wait, wait, you were his professor?

No.

Not exactly, no.

Not exactly.

No, but he taught at the school that he went to.

Did he really?

Yeah.

This is a kid from Quinnipiac.

Quinnipiac.

You went over there?

Yeah, we went to that fucking dump.

What a beautiful campus.

Piece of shit.

He's a shit campus.

It was a nightmare, dude.

I had to piss so bad.

We took nine hours to get out there.

I hated every second of it.

And then they shot us in a-

Oh, dude, that was like a-

Prison holding cell.

No, it was more like a-

Thank you. He's a shit cat.
It was a nightmare, dude. I had to piss so bad.
We took nine hours to get out there. I hated every second of it.
And then they shot us in a prison holding cell. Oh, dude, that was like a news.
No, it was more like a news, like a Bosnian news center or whatever, right? Yeah, like hostages were going to come in. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It wasn't good. Give us the money or we kill.
I was like, we're shooting a podcast, sir. No, it's a great college and you did great and good for you for going there.
And I'm glad you're working in the biz now and you're part of our new family. Give it up for Ryan, guys.
Thanks for coming. I'm not done.
I'm done with it. I have one more.
One more question? Yeah, let's get him again. Did you wrestle? Did I wrestle? No, I played football, though.
What position? Hold on. Yeah, yeah.
You're like 5'7". What are you? 5'8 at the most? 5'7", yeah.
5'7", 165? More like 168. Are you fucking kidding me, Ryan? I almost guessed it right on the nuts.
I'm three off. He said it like it's like 160.
I was much heavier back in the day. Okay, you were 174 back then? But in college, do they have like a special football team? Olympics? Like a football team that's not varsity or JV, but it's more special? Well, they have a thing called special teams.
He could have been on that. So you're on a special team.
Like kick return. Oh, no, that's not what I mean either.
I played in high school to clarify, not in college. Oh, well, that makes sense.
Were you a back? I was actually a center. You were a fucking center? Yeah.
You were a center? Yeah. I was much, much heavier.
You know how big you have to be to be a center there's like some of the biggest guys in football that's a kid that's a Bobby that's the guy who snaps the football yeah that's like Jason Kelsey yeah which is the opposite of you way way way better than me no well yeah he's a hall of famer this guy's gonna he's yeah different different story I would have not guessed that you seem the low and low and you could have been low and strong and could have been a good back that's me now low and strong you know i i like you so much thank you i like you too bobby and that means a court here that goes a long way with me thank you and already already in that booth you have more love for me than all three of the men that's bad behind there yeah that's not insane that's insane that's crazy you like flattery no fuck you dude yeah i'm i'm tired you know honestly i am tired of your shit as of late dude i'm tired of your attitude your little fucking digs and your little snaps dude i'm fucking tired of it dude i come to work right and i want to just hang out with my friend talk be funny but you come here with hostility yep and you're like smashing me here and there dude and I don't like it dude yep you're calling me fat you may call me old oh yeah calling me like you can't fuck in the sack stupid stupid stupid to me right and it's like oh you ugly ugly he says that a lot yeah yeah you call me a piece of shit a piece of dung dung shit dude beetle dung shit beetle dung not nice. I don't like it.
It hurts my feelings. Stupid.
Stupid. It's almost like you're bad friends.
I see a smirk. Well.
Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop.
So that, when he said that. No, just stop.
No one said anything. Andrew, when he said that, it made me rageful.
Pissed me right off it made me so rageful. Pissed me right off and it's a feeling of like it's a feeling that I get as a TSA actually.
Yeah why is this taking so long or when they go we need to check this one no you don't. Yeah and there's nothing in there I know you know what I mean.
Leave it alone. And that frustration it's like a similar feeling I also wanted to stick my fingers in his Adam's apple yes and dig it into his body yep slowly slowly yeah yeah so no more love for you okay good job Ryan we love you Ryan by the way this is a legitimate question like you guys are like bad friends fuck that's gonna be my dreams you're gonna wake up in the middle of the night.
Yeah, yeah. Fuck that guy.
It's almost like you're like bad friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends. Stuck on a loop in our head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll never get out.
So what's that? Did we hire that guy? We hired, so do we- He's an intern. Are you blushing now, Ryan? Yeah.
Maybe. Yeah, yeah, he's blushing now.
You did great, buddy.

You did great, bud.

Is he...

He's an intern, huh?

Just so it's only for the summer?

Yeah.

Yeah, because after the summer...

You know what I mean?

Hey, go.

What could he do to become a regular,

get a job at Seven Equis?

Get somebody else's brain.

Dude, you're being mean now.

He's still there. Oh, he can hear us? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's good.'re being mean now. He's still there.

Oh, he can hear us?

Yeah, yeah.

He's good.

He's a genius.

He's a genius.

No, he's a good dude.

We're just joshing with him.

We're just ribbing him.

We're just ribbing him.

He could be a long-term if he wants to stay.

You want to stay in LA and become a full-time?

That's the dream.

All right, well, then do it.

Hire the kid.

I don't know.

Who cares?

Anyway, let's move on from him.

Can I give him my cones job?

Not that he does much, anyway.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, it's in the blood.

It's in your blood now.

You're an asshole.

It's something about-

It's caked in.

It's caked in.

It's raising a baby now,

and I know that it's gotten to him a little bit

because now he's got to be like a dad all the time.

He doesn't want to be a dad.

He wanted to be a rock and roll star.

You know that, right?

That was his real dream.

And then he became a shit bag director you know we're still he's just you know every day my agents talk me out of Spain yeah it's not even a joke every day they call and the higher higher ups call are you sure about Spain? yeah it's gonna just put a wrench in the whole fucking thing I go I love him I'm gonna do him a favor I'm gonna play a zombie they're like I know but it's like we read it not true what? they haven't read it even worse let me okay you're right let you're right. Let me say, we tried to read it.
And we just couldn't get past the first page. Yeah.
Yeah, so yeah, they did try. And the first page is just the cover page.
Yeah. What's the name of the film again? Jabberwocky.
Yeah. Is it really called Jabberwocky? Yeah.
Like the dance crew? You do know about the dance crew? I do not know about the dance crewwocky. Yeah, well, I think you should reconsider because there's an extremely famous dance crew called the Jabberwockys.
And they're in Vegas and they're- They won America's Got Talent. Yeah, they did.
They might be based on this- Are they in it? Poem. But you do know culturally people will think of this in America.
Yeah. Oh, I see.
Oh, yeah. They're like, oh, it's a documentary about our favorite dance crew.
When they watch it, they're like, it's just a shitty zombie movie. What is the meaning of Jabberwocky? What is that? Jabberwocky is a poem in Alice in Wonderland, and it's about a nonsensical creature.
By Lewis Carroll. Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll.
Oh, interesting. But I do think, unfortunately, pop culturally, people will think of the dance crew from vegas yeah it was brilliant and the slithy tubes did jaya and gibble in the wab all mimsy with a bogo roll this was based on this is your movie is this the script for your movie yeah it is that's the opening monologue right be the jabberwocker So I'm a security guy.
The only lines that you have. is.
That's the opening monologue, right?

Be the Jebe walker myself. So I'm a security guard.

The only lines that you have.

Yeah, so I'm a security guard, right?

I'm sitting there and I see the fucking zombies.

Go to the beginning.

And I'm just like looking at my thing, right?

And I look out.

I see it.

I go, ah, tuas brillig.

Do I have an accent?

Sure.

Yeah.

Good, good, good.

I need one for that.

Spanish. Oluf, tuas no that's good no that's good that is good twice a brilliant and the slithy twos yeah the guy and gimbal in the wave perfect yeah all my me were the mimsy okay all mimsy were the borongovs borogov bors.
Borogovs. Borogovs.
Borogovs. And the Mawm Raths of Grabe.
Perfect. Very good.
Perfect. You get the next line.
Beware the Jabberwook, my son. But y'all's about to close that catch.
Beware the Jab-Jab-Bird and shun the firmolious Bandersnatch. Okay, can you go back to the first? Bandersnatch is good.
I think that's the right way to go. Yeah.

Twice Brelling and the

Silly Toves did

Guy and Gimbal in the wave.

Right?

Right? Or no?

All Mimsy were the borogos

and the moon rats

outgraved. Dude, that's

the movie. You got your film.
Take that. That's it.
Take that to Spain. Did you record that? I'm not going to Spain.
Take that to Spain. We're still trying to work it out that I'm going to, you know, I called him yesterday.
I still might be able to go. I promise you, I would bet a million dollars you're not going to go.
Why? There's no way you're going, dude. Don't try to trick my mind.
Look at your face right now. I'm not going to get tricked by your mind games right now, dude.

It's diabolical.

Did I call you yesterday?

And I said we might be able to work this out.

He's not going to work it out.

I promise you won't be there.

I'll fucking put a million dollars on it.

There's no way he's going.

A million?

I think we can work it out.

If you put a million dollars.

$500.

$500.

No, no, no.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're not doing it.

Well, let's talk about movies.

Because I'll tell you this.

Let's talk about movies. All right.
Last week, I'm in Portland. I got a call about this.
What, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're not doing it. Well, let's talk about movies.
Because I'll tell you this. Let's talk about movies.

All right.

Last week, I'm in Portland.

I got a call about this.

What?

From Oliver Tree.

Oh, my God.

Called me about you on set.

Not happy.

And says he might get a lawyer.

Apparently, you know, he said you faked COVID.

You made a whole deal.

You ruined a day of shooting. And then you you threatened Oliver now he's going to sue us he's going to sue you what I did was while he was in makeup I didn't know anybody in the crew and I go attention please I swear to god I did it I said attention please and everyone stopped probably like 30 people wardrobe everybody I go so Oliver has monkeypox and he's patient zero he's the monkey right so nobody touch him and I was being I'm fucking dead serious right he's gonna sue you and then I later I found that he was all fucking mad about it he said he's gonna sue you for defamation he texted me the whole thing it was a joke well he's suing does he not look like a monkey he said he's gonna say that does he look like a monkey raise your hand look at i'm the only one look at this yeah yeah he says to me in a long text i'm gonna call him i faked a covet scare didn't have to play a role acted like a diva he won't respond to my text or my calls i had to fly fly out my lawyer, Jeremiah Jeffrey, to clean the whole mess up.

He's going to sue you for defamation.

Yeah.

I'm going to call him right now.

Well, do it because now he's going to sue us.

Did he really text you though?

He did.

I just read it off.

Oh, yeah, but you're a good improviser, so.

That is true.

No, but I did.

There, look.

Okay.

He has more lines.

Look.

Wow, that's long.

Yeah.

He told me everything.

Yeah, yeah. He's not going to answer now.
I'm Wow, that's long. You told me everything.

He's not going to answer now.

I'm going to leave a message.

I'm sorry. The person you are trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

Oh, fuck you. Oh my God.

That's actually smart to not set up a mailbox.

I just got a text from your ex.

Kalilah?

About what?

Nothing.

What is going on right here, dude?

No, I can't get dinner.

I have to do.

Okay, that's not what she's doing.

Hold on.

You'd be the last person she would ask.

I can't stop by after dinner.

Yeah, go ahead.

Go ahead.

Red ginseng, royal jelly.

Well, what is it she says come to a hotel?

I mean, I can play the same thing with your wife.

All right.

You can.

Actually, no, you can.

Yeah, go ahead, please.

I'm not going to.

Swapadopolis.

I want to tell you something.

Okay, go ahead. I feel like, look, look at me in the face real fast.
You're my best boy. Then I love you and you know that.
No, well, what is it? Well, I want to come clean. What is it? I want to come clean to you about something.
Is it going to make me mad? I feel like it's serious. I feel like it's serious.
Well, it's not serious, but I do want to tell you something. It's going to make me mad.
It's not. It's not even that big of a deal.
Okay, go ahead. Okay.
Uh-oh. Oh, no.
I'm starting a podcast with Kalilah. No, no, no.
No. The woman that was here, the old lady that came in here.
Yeah, McCone's wife. Was not McCone's grandmother.
She's an internet personality named Angry Grandmother. And we put her up to the whole thing.
She is not related. And the internet's going to be surprised that you didn't know.
And I wanted to tell you, but she's got an internet following. Her name is the real Angry Grandmother and she's very funny.
Look, look at her. Wait, go to her main page.
There, you shoot a picture of us on her main page. Yeah.
Okay. Okay.
Nothing gets by you, pal. I swear to God, on my mother's lap, I didn't know.
Well, here's how I know. By the way, for the audience, here's how I know Bobby didn't know.
He called me, right, that night. I'm driving down to down to the comedy store i'm over the hill he literally calls and goes hey what why is she so mad at me and i was like what are you talking about and he goes why is mccone's family do you think he's talking shit behind our back to her about us i said no it could i say something it all lined up in my mind.
To be real.

That he could be that big of a bitch that he would go to his grandmother

and start complaining about me.

Yes.

And all of a sudden,

there's this family resentment.

Yes.

She had to fly all the way over here.

So that's not your brother?

No, that's her grandson.

I've never met them before.

No, we've never.

I thought it was just like the bit.

Like when you had me sit down,

I'm like, oh, he's continuing.

We thought you were playing with him.

Dude.

But then you texted me over the weekend and you never text me it's not just it's not just that i had to see i had to see beverly about it you had to go to your therapist yes wow yeah i literally had to go to my therapist for that reason and then i was just like i you know i said my behavior like I can't even see when I'm treating people so poorly

and I'm not aware

that there are things going on

and I was like

is it about me?

Why would you do this?

You have to be more mindful

No, it's fuck you!

Fuck all of you!

You guys are all involved in this!

Go fuck yourself!

I have nothing to do with it.

Yes, you do, dude!

How?

Because you knew!

I didn't know.

Yes, you did, dude!

You did!

They hid it from me.

Yeah, you didn't know. I didn't know who that was who that was So who did you think she was? His grandmother What do you mean? And then they told me And then I said When? We should tell Bobby After the episode And then I said We should tell Bobby And then the boys were like Don't tell him Okay I believe you Carlos No stop stop stop Okay Carlos said it I believe you I do But No, stop, stop, stop.
Okay, Carlos said it. I believe you.

I do, but...

No, I knew the whole time.

Okay, now I can go mad again.

Yeah, fuck us, fuck us, go ahead.

I'm not gonna fuck you.

What I'm saying is that, wow.

She did a great job.

She did great.

Let me see what my feeling is.

Yeah, close your eyes.

Who am I mad at the most?

You know. It was Andre's idea.
It was Andrew's idea. No, how was it my idea? Who sent it to me? It was my idea.
Yes. I didn't find her.
It's so funny because my anger still goes to McCown. It should.
Because you should have said over the weekend that, hey, dude, it was just there was an internet lady and whatever.

Did I ask you that, too?

It was like I said that.

You said you said, is that really his grandmother?

Yeah.

And I said, I think so.

And you went, why would she be so mad?

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Why would she be so mad?

And then I kind of replayed it in my mind because you said somewhere in Minnesota.

She said, right.

He was very good at playing along.

Right.

So I was like, was there an incident where his family was there and I was like not available? I feel like, because I feel like I'm really good with families. I go, hey, how are you? And I hug and all that stuff, right? Better than Andrew.
Yeah, I know. What did you just say? Thank you so much.
What did you just say? Bobby's a great, he loves to ham it up. Yeah, ham it up with families.
You're a more genuine, real.

No, no, no.

McCone. Get up to the mic.

Don't screw it up. No, McCone.

You were doing fine.

You were being honest, and I

appreciate it, but this thing you're doing

now? Nah, dude. No, go ahead.

Say your piece.

It's desperate. Go ahead.

I was like, Andrew will say hi to my parents. Andrew will say hi to a group of people.
But Bobby will go up to everyone individually and start, you know, grabbing them and touching them. Physically assaulting them? I say hello and I move on.
I'm just saying Bobby has more. I don't do that.
What the fuck? Let's not talk about the grabbing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, what he means to say. Is that you physically assault his family.
That's not what I'm saying. What he means to say is I shake hands.
I do hogs, right? And I'm really mindful. I'm really there, present.
I mean, you guys both have different ways of showing love, you know? Mine's more genuine. His is more artificial.
No, it's not artificial. We have different ways of approaching things.
Yours is more loud and in your face. Yeah, annoying.
And mine is more real and normal.

More distant and more unavailable.

He's a listener and you're a grab.

He's not a listener.

I would draw the line there.

He's not a listener, dude.

He's a listener and you're alone.

He only listens to himself.

He can say whatever he wants.

I mean, we know how wrong he is.

It's insane.

Everybody in here knows.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyway.

Let him create his false reality.

So what I want to say

is that that still doesn't give,

that doesn't resolve our situation.

You know,

I called you over the weekend.

You texted me.

I texted you.

What did I say?

You said,

what's up with the all eyes on Rafa?

Is this a movie?

I said, no,

this is a Palestine thing.

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

And then a couple of jokes.

That was my way into like,

kind of like,

let's just do some small talk. You wanted to see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't care about it.
I knew what Rafa was. Yeah, that's right.
That's right. That was my way into like kind of like just a small talk.
You wanted to see

Yeah, I didn't care about it.

I knew what Rafa was. Yeah, yeah.
What?

You do not like small talk. Yeah, but I was trying to get

in like, hey, and then my next thing was

going to be, was going to be, hey,

is there any way I can make it up or whatever?

But then I was just like, nah. No.

Because I thought that your grandma was acting

way too fucking, you know what I mean?

Intense for whatever situation.

A little over the top.

Yeah.

So, wow.

Okay, so that's good.

And that's not your brother.

And okay.

So we're playing tricks.

I feel like the guy looks nothing like me.

He was, he's like huge.

Yeah, he's a white guy.

Yeah, yeah.

There's tricks and I guess I'm going to have to get everyone back.

I guess I'm going to have to do that.

Whatever you feel like you need to do i need to do it

i mean it's a pretty pretty harmless thing but yeah it wasn't harmful no

dude when i when i fucking do a special session with my fucking therapist

right and i'm fucking brooding about it and thinking about it all fucking weekend it's

what are you doing with your face dude i'm just mocking your bullshit you didn't do a special

session with your therapist i did you had to do a regular session you brought that up

Thank you. all fucking weekend.
What are you doing with your face, dude? I'm just mocking your bullshit. You didn't do a special session

with your therapist.

I did.

You had to do a regular session

and you brought that up.

Yeah.

Okay.

But it was special.

They're all special.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, well, then there we go.

Still special nonetheless.

Therapy is special.

It's special nonetheless.

Okay.

So you got that.

Anything else?

Let's just get out

of the way today, guys.

Let's get everything, put everything on the table and go, this is what we did and this and that anything else go ahead um i took these dick pills and it lasted too long like four days and i didn't think they would be that potent four full days yeah four days and so i could have had a stroke by the way no i didn't know no one told me i'm telling you now don't ever do that again thank Yeah, you got. Could have had a stroke, by the way.
No, I didn't know. No one told me.
I'm telling you now. Don't ever do that again.
Thank you, Andrew. You have to read the prescription.
Yeah, you got to read it. Well, you don't need a prescription for these.
You buy them at a gas station on Vermont. Oh, you did like the little- Extends or whatever? No, the Mexican ones, the- It's called like- Yeah, Rhino, Rhino.
Oh, the Rhino cock. There's a new one that says no headache, so I got that one.
Did you get a headache? No. Okay.
Well, it's on the package okay i know yeah but the hot rod 5000s give you headaches so the rhino didn't so i was really happy what's what's in there is it the same ingredients as i don't know yeah i i don't know what's in it i just take it and i know i get an erection i learned this early on do you not can you not get an erection without it no i can but i use it as insurance insurance so I can have an extra fun time. But if you're attracted to the person, then do you have trouble sometimes? Sometimes I will, so I'll get in my head and I'll start thinking, oh, I want to watch something later.
I'll think about a million things. Watch what later? Like a film or something pornographic? No, like YouTube or something.
I'll think about later in my night and it'll affect me. So you're sitting with the person that you're interested in and you're thinking about YouTube? I'll think about y'all.
What? Don't. Don't.
I don't think about you when I'm trying to get hurt. Please don't.
I love y'all. I love you too, but nonetheless, I don't think about you at all.
But when I get in bed, I think about everything in my life and y'all are such a big part of it. And when I think of y'all, my boner goes down.
Okay.

When do you think about what, who have you,

who's the last person you hooked up with that you had no thoughts like that,

that it was just free and high school.

I was that long ago.

No, I probably like years.

You haven't hooked up with someone in years that you felt comfortable just getting a heart on and not thinking about life yeah it's been years I have like I take medicine for it it's in a couple movies that's incredible it's been what do you mean it's in a couple movies I saw I related to one of these characters I saw a movie called Red Rocket with Simon Rex and he had to take dick pills all the time oh yeah yeah yeah I love him yeah I know I was like oh that's. I went to the premiere of that movie.
Oh, I'm jealous. So, yeah.
What does it have to do with you? Yeah, what happened? Oh, just that I was hooking up with this girl, and, like, the insurance stopped working, and I got really upset. In the middle of it.
Yes. It has nothing to do with me and the deception.
I was saying, what? Like, I don't care about your personal life. I could have done that too, dude Oh

I'm saying is is there anything that you want to put on the table where you lied to me or just

Get away

Not your fault. I can do the same thing.
Yeah, yeah, but I do like life stories. It is really

They're not in this segment

There's segments dude in the show. Yeah, I just I was getting honest with my buddies here

Thank you for that. Yeah, I mean, it's just like I can't

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know why he's re-approaching.
Sup? he walked in And he called everyone The n-word Which I thought was insane

Which was weird

Yeah yeah yeah

I don't know why

He approached

Sup

You know what I mean

I was like what

Ryan slow down

Yeah slow down

You're an intern

Yeah but anyway

Well look

Let me think about it

If you want to clear house

We'll get these guys out of here

I really do

I mean

Bobby no

Stop for a second

What I want to say to you

Excuse me

Thank you. Excuse me.
Oh, is I laughing too much? Like a hyena. Okay, I'm sorry.
I don't like hyena laughs. You know that.
Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Excuse me.
This guy. This guy, dude.
Please. This is not a comedy show.
Yeah, I'm just trying to be... Hello.
Hello. Hello.
Are you here? I'm here. Are you listening? Yes.
So what I wanted to say is that... I'm going to be truthful and really dig into my feelings here.
Okay? It's just been an adventure doing this podcast with you guys. It really has.

I mean, the kind of experiences we've had, I will never forget them.

I don't know why you're laughing.

Yeah.

What are you smiling about?

Yeah. You piece of shit.

Why are you laughing?

I'm being fucking.

No, either one of you.

You fuck me.

Yeah.

Yes.

Both of you.

Stop.

Like, would you get genuine?

Like, you know, I get genuine.

I get out and shit.

And am I?

No, it's not. Am I reading this wrong? No, they're doing it.
They're doing it. They're egging you on.
They're egging me out right now. And I don't like it.
You know what, dude? I don't even have to say it to them because this is how I feel. So I could just say it to.
Say it. I don't want to say it to you either for some reason.
Well, say it to camera then. I'll just say it to the wall.
To the audience. Well, no.
To the audience. Oh, yeah.
To the camera, not to the wall. Okay.
Please, dude. Well, I don't want to coach you.
Okay, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry. Please.
You do as you may. may all right so what i want to say is the last you know since the beginning of bad friends it's just been an adventure i've you know when i was a young guy i was like it was never part of my dream to do this but it was like was i mistaken because wow this has been a fucking wild ride and it's been one of the greatest things i've ever experienced and the people people were, it's almost as if like they were all meant to be there.
Like we all fit like a fucking puzzle dude. Right? And when you put the puzzles together, it's a beautiful painting.
And sometimes, Yeah. A rogue piece gets in there.
Exactly. And you're like, what puzzle is this? What puzzle piece is this? Yeah, what does this go to? Yeah.
And then that rogue piece, McCone, right? But Andrew Hammered in. Yeah, yeah.
As hard as I could. I said, this has got to fit.
So it's basically, you know what I mean, a gigantic puzzle of a gigantic butterfly. But the rogue piece, you can tell, is the edge of a swastika.
That's right. All right? So I'm like trying to jam in this little tiny swastika piece inside this butterfly.
Yeah. And then the whole thing becomes very Nazi.
Right. It's Nazi propaganda.
Right. So what I have to do is I have to fucking un-puzzle it to its pieces, throw it in the garbage, and go buy a new puzzle.
And buy a Mein Kampf book. Yeah.
You have to start all over. Whatever it might be.
Sure. i don't know my comp oh my god great book

oh yeah yeah can't put it down but i'll tell you what you're right i think you need to throw away

this old puzzle it's not yeah the puzzle's not working so thank you for being my old puzzle

pieces but it's not fitting the other anymore for me the way it oh yeah what you doing dude

i'm just bummed well lies and deceit are gonna get you there but yeah that's you too dude yeah

thank you are you throwing me off the show no i said you too i love you oh i love you too

that's what i was saying i love you like you too dude you too yeah yeah yeah not with them but you

too in terms of love i love you i love you too hey who's the highest who do you think is the

highest grossing touring musical artist of last year taylor swift correct who's number two whoa

Thank you. Hey, who's the highest Who do you think is the highest grossing Touring musical artist of last year? Taylor Swift Correct, who's number two? Whoa That's a good one I know you got it I know you got it Oh really? You think I got it? I know you do These guys don't fucking have it Did Harry Styles go last year? He's in there Not too though But though.
But he's number five. Number five.
Wow. Okay.
Did Beyonce do anything? Number two. Did I get it? You got it.
Fuck yeah, I did. It was number three.
I don't know if I... You're this good.
You've gotten fucking three of the five. You think you can't knock out two more? So who else went out there last year? I'm going to tell you this.
It's a group? This number three... Room five.
Is a group. No, but that's a very good guess.
This is a group and it's a group where you go. I mean, yeah, they were very, very popular 10 years ago, but I cannot believe they're still making that much money.
Lincoln Park. Bigger.
Much bigger. Much bigger than Lincoln Park Park.
Much bigger. Yeah, Chainsmokers.
No.

Okay.

Now you're going,

you're so cold,

you're freezing cold.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know.

in the sunlight i guess yeah no you guys you guys heard the song i don't keep doing it they all heard it

oh i know what it is i know what it is sunlight. I guess, yeah.
No? You guys heard the song.

No, keep doing it.

They all heard it.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na.

Oh, I know what it is.

I know what it is.

Na-na-na-na-na-na.

Coldplay.

Yeah, Coldplay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

And then-

That doesn't surprise me.

Okay, but-

Na-na-na.

I like it.

What do you mean?

Coldplay-

Clockwork.

Is that what the song is?

Ten years ago, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And then the next one is,

I got this one right.

We were doing trips.

I know one.

What is it? Matching Dragons? No, it's a solo art. Well, it's this one right.
We were doing trivia. I know one.
What is it?

Matching Dragons?

No, it's a solo art.

Well, it's a man's name that is the band.

It's a man's name that is-

It's his name, but it's a band, but it's him.

Do you know what I mean?

He's not a solo artist because that's not a real-

Wait, wait.

Is his name in the band's name?

Yeah, it's his name.

Okay.

They go by him.

They go by him.

John Mayer. No, because he's with- Grateful's with uh yeah he's with uh yeah i have no idea do you guys know give it a guess and i got this i was shocked because i thought what's an old timer guy that's touring by the way springstein wow very good fans b bruce bruce springstein really yeah i mean you could look it up the number it was like 300 something million It kills it Awesome You know how much Taylor Swift made? Over a billion dollars I know A billion fucking dollars In one year Yeah It's crazy It was the top Touring What would I do With that money? A billion dollars Oh I'd never see you guys again Yeah Honestly I would hope not No if you got a billion dollars Would you a billion dollars, would you call me and go, I think I'm done? No, no.
You know what I would do? What? Give me half a billion. Half a billion? Yeah, yeah.
No. Would you give me any of that money? No.
A billion dollars? You give me some. I don't think so.
I think I would give you, well, I would say- Outrageous. Outrageous.
Outrageous. I would say, what do you need? $10 million.
For what? Just to give it to me. So I don't feel jealous.
Okay, but I want to... Okay, but how about this? Then you have to turn in receipts of what you buy with it.
You want? I want to know every dime you spend. That's fine.
I will do that. Really? Every dime.
I want to see every dime. Yeah.
Cash, Clash of Clans, $40,000. That kind of thing.
Yeah, you will. You spend that much on a video game? No, remember when Clinton called me and goes, no more Clash of Clans, delete it right now because I spent $10,000 in one month or whatever on Clash of Clans.
Anyway, Jesus Christ. No, I would give you as much as you wanted.
No, no, just 10 million. I don't think you would.
Yes, I would. Because when people get money, they hoard it.
What do you mean? I'm generous. I would absolutely give you money.
I wouldn't even think twice about it. I give fucking...
I would give in this room... Yeah, tell what everyone would get.
If I won a billion dollars. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I won the lottery, I would give... Well, first of all, I do my family first.
Would I be... No, I mean my mother and my father.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I would take care of them.
Of course, of course, of course. My little sister.
Of course your little sister. And then when I got to the Bad Friends family, I would give McCone 10K.
Pretty generous. That's really nice.
Pretty generous. Yeah.
I'd break Fancy off with a mill. I'd give him a millie.
Nice. Well, he's a dad.
Yeah, nice. And I'd give Carlos probably one of those.
Did they sell gift cards for rehab? Do they gift cards they don't have that they don't they should no maybe get him insurance i'd give him i'd give him health insurance i'd pay for his health insurance i would give him health insurance yeah yeah and then ryan the new guy i'd give him i don't know a couple hundred grand just toss it to him just to see what you know fuck up his life you know what it's so fun just to see what would happen yeah just to see what happens with ryan yeah like like i have You know what? It's so fun. Just to see what would happen.
Yeah, just to see what happens with Ryan. Yeah.
Like I have been gardening. What? Yeah, I've been gardening.
What are you gardening, babe? Like right now I'm- Does my little yellow man have a green thumb? Yeah, don't call me that. What's yellow? What is yellow? Don't call me a green.
If you mix yellow and green, what color is it? No, I just, the green thumb- What color is yellow and green? Not the yellow part. What? I have a problem with the green thumb, not the yellow part.
Why? You have a green thumb. Okay, anyway.
I've been growing catnip. You've been growing catnip? Yeah.
In your yard? No, outside of my front yard. How do you grow catnip? Is this a hard thing to grow? Available to buy and plant at any time, sunny and well-drained large pot.
Yeah, so I've got the pot, I've got. It's weed for cats, right? Yeah, yeah, they love it, right? Wow.
So I've been growing it, right? Right now there's like only nine little pieces that stuck out. Okay.
You know what I mean? So there's like only nine little grass hairs that are sticking out, but I just planted it a week ago. Yeah, anyway.
So you grow the catnip. Yeah, but I experimented, and I put Diet Coke in like a little piece of, see if that would work.
It doesn't work. No, it doesn't, Yeah, typically not.
That's my point though. I don't know why you even brought that up.
What was that? No, I just, I experiment. You're experimenting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're trying.
I try. It doesn't work.
I like doing this now. It's water.
And I'll tell you why. I'm going to now go to carrots and other things.
Carrots is probably pretty easy to do. I think you could do carrots.
Yeah, yeah. And the reason why is because of this movie i said it's fine what movie um it's fuck i don't know it just fucking oh i know what it is um perfect days perfect days vim vendors so this got you into this got you into gardening you've now got a green thumb oh this looks this must be really good this is about a little asian guy who gardens no he's um janitor you saw it yeah yeah it's a it's a it's it's a beautiful film huh that's just a beautiful film it's a film of just give me a second yeah we are Okay.
I to say When I was a young man I had nothing Really Hi Hello I don't know about that Yeah yeah yeah yeah You actually had a pretty substantial amount Who? You You grew up in a fucking country club No no no What I'm saying in my early 20s Okay Please I mean. I mean, I'm just trying to be...
Be specific. In high school, you definitely had something.
What you're doing right now is not good. You're a rich drug addict.
Hyena? Hyena again? That's enough, Carlos. Enough of that.
It's not funny. Okay.
All right, go ahead. So anyway, in order for me to be happy is I had to look at the little things in life, right? And be mindful about the things around me and find joy in those things.
Right. Like, for instance, I've said this before.
I would work at this restaurant and it would be like, you know, a breakfast place. I would be slammed.
It was in the cove. I would sit on the edge of the cove and watch the seals and the oceans.
And that would give me joy.

Just the simplicity of watching nature

and the wind and all that stuff.

And I had no money, no pussy, nothing.

Okay.

And then since I was doing standup,

you get away from that, right?

And you want, you know what I mean?

Dopamine hits.

And you want to get to the next level,

all these things that fix you,

that things you're going to fix, right? But then I saw i saw this movie i was like it brought me back to those days so this this guy's a gardener right and he janitor i mean he's a janitor right and it's every day he just shows up goes cleans toilets but he looks at little things in life like you know i mean the wind blowing through the trees right or like you know i mean people just homeless people i just and he finds little things and he finds joy in those things and it's like i i when i saw that i was like oh shit i think that's what's missing in my life that's all if he was an asian would you have liked this as much yeah absolutely i'm gonna say that's all of it yeah yeah, that's most of it. That's most of it.
Janitor in America. Spit right on it.
Two thumbs down, dude. Two thumbs down.
Yeah, yeah. I'd pick it fucking the theater.
Fuck that movie. If this movie was called Tough Times and it was just about a janitor and- Fuck you, janitor.
You know what I mean? Is that him washing at the sink? No, he's at a spa. That's a spa? That's how- You remember? Yeah, that's- Stop, stop, stop.
Look at me right now, dude. Thank you.
Look at me right now, dude. You're not looking at me, dude.
I've been to a spa. It doesn't look like that.
No, no, no. Stop, stop, stop, stop.
I've asked you for like five years... To sit on a bucket and wash my balls? Shut the fuck up.
That guy's washing his balls on a bucket. I know.
I've asked... The only reason this works with you guys is because your penises don't touch that bucket.
balls don't touch that bucket you're sitting on a bucket he's sitting wide butthole on that bucket look at those that was me last night look at those little cock washers and so what you pull up to it and you wash your penis there is that what those things are it's not just a penis can i just finish what i was gonna say and then we go back to it i want to know what the cock washer is what is that it's not a cock washer just stop okay zoom in on that little cock washer so five years ago andrew yeah i keep saying let's go to the korean spa i go every night you won't go i know right and so if you had gone if you go with me that's what the shower like the baths well this isn't gonna make me want to go it's the best you get really what you do is you get the little plastic stool you sit down then you see that bucket underneath them yeah sometimes it's a bigger bucket but it's

plastic right and you get you get a towel you take the soap right and you you know i mean you

get the fucking suds going you cover the bucket with a towel why you just sit raw ass on a fucking

bucket no that's not the bucket he's sitting the blue thing there's a one right right by this fit

right right there that white thing what's he's sitting on a blue thing do you say that's a seat

Thank you. ass on a fucking bucket? No, that's not the bucket he's sitting, the blue thing.
There's one right by this foot right there, that white thing.

He's sitting on a blue thing.

Yeah, that's a seat.

It's a plastic seat. But he's raw ass on it.
He's open raw ass on it. That's what you do on it.

No, I'm good. Okay, well, then

you're not good. Why do I want to sit

on where some other guy's asshole was spread

out washing? What I like to do is I like to spray it

down a little bit. That's not going to do

it. Anyway.

Go ahead. I don't want to go.

And by the way, then you stand up and your dick is in mirror

I'm sorry. out washing.
What I like to do is I like to spray it down a little bit. That's not going to do it.
Anyway. Go ahead.
I don't want to go. And by the way, then you stand up and your dick is in mirror.
It's like a weird, it's just a weird, this is a weird sexual. It's not.
I don't like it. Those little cock washers I don't like.
We have to do it. Tell me something.
You bathe sitting, this is what you do. You take a shower sitting down.
So what I do is I, so I Do you know how many people that are paralyzed that would dream about taking a standing up shower that's like this is ableist this is mocking the disabled and i won't stand for this kind of shit go ahead thank you back to me when i'm sitting there with the towel with the suds i get every piece of my body i And I take the, you know what I mean? There's a bucket. It's full of water.
I rinse it. I do it again.
Then I'll dump the bucket, put fresh water in it, put it over my body, right? It's more of a, it's kind of like a bath shower. It's a therapeutic bath.
Yeah. And it's, you can turn to the guy next to you and go, how was your day? I don't want to.
What did you golf today? I don't want to talk to someone when I'm washing my cock. What did you golf today? I didn't golf today.
How many golfers did you encounter there? Well, it's in Korea town, so it's a lot. By the way, it's connected to a driving range.
Yeah. Well, I was just saying it because I'm making it seem like he was next to me.
I would never go. Here's me.
Go ahead. Yeah.
What did you golf today? Hey, I'm washing my cock. Don't talk to me when washing my balls.
That's insane. Yeah.
I don't want to have a conversation while I'm washing my balls. Although there should be a rule.
Last night I was at the Wii Spa. Okay.
I'm in the steam room. It's packed for some reason.
There's a lot of black people last night, which I love. You said it.

I love it.

Thank God for the steam.

I love it, right?

So I'm like in the steam room.

Then I see this tall Asian kid.

Just walk in there.

He keep tripping on black dicks.

Jesus Christ.

Pick that up, will you?

And this guy,

I have two rules.

Can I tell you my two rules? Where i don't like being recognized a meetings okay you're gonna get recognized at a meetings i know but i don't like when they go i'll say if they go after an a meeting i'm on the road like i just went to portland i went to an a meeting yeah and people were like hey can i get a photo with you and i go not at a i'll do it anywhere else but here right that's a private time because also it's like i'm like one of many i i get that okay so i get that steam room is another one so last night i'm at we spa right and i see this tall asian guy probably young early 20s and he go and he's completely naked and he goes yeah like with his legs like this he He goes, yo, like this. Bobby Lee, like this, right? And I was like, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill.
Chill it out, man. It drives me nuts.
They cut to, I'm taking a photo with him. I don't know why.
I was like, all right, let's just do it real quick or whatever, but like my point is that those are two places, if you ever see me there, don't ask for a photo. But, you know you know it makes his life not when i'm naked in a steam room trying to relax well oh ah so yes this is my point what why am i going to this place to do a cock washing here when i can go to a very comfortable private place you're proving my point because i go to a spa when i go to a spa and i get a massage and i go to sit in the steam room there's like one other person in there then i go in the hot tub maybe one other guy you know what we do we go like this that's it little head nod little acknowledgement then we don't say a fucking word to each other then i go in my little private stall and i wash my balls in my butthole with nice soap and i take a hot shower and then i go up to my room and i go lay down okay this is what we're doing and that version of a version of a spa to me is the one I like.
There's no one there and I don't have to talk to anybody. I go there to get away from chit chat.
You like the chit chat. No, I don't like the chit chat.
You're afraid to admit it, but you like to chit chat. I don't like the chit chat.
Your next special should be called chit chat. I don't like the chit chat.
You do. No, I don't.
McCone even said it. You come up to his family and you chit chat.
Yeah, yeah. So here's what we're going to do.
You see someone on the street and you chit chat. I don't like a chit chat you do no I don't McCone even said it you come up to his family and you chit chat yeah yeah so here's what we're gonna do you see someone on the street and you chit chat I don't chit chat you're a little chit chat stop doing that a little ching chong chit chat oh really a ching chong chit chat for the hip hat hiena shop it fuck you this is what we're gonna do Carlos that's not funny that's not funny that stuff this is what we're gonna do and I think it's gonna not funny.
That's not funny, that stuff. This is what we're going to do.
And I think it's going to be good for the show. All go to the spa? No, the Wii Spa.
We'll all go? Yes. We all go as a team.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Right? Bring your baby.
I'm going to Andrew's spa. No, no.
And then we're going to do the Bulgama room. They have Bulgogi in there? No, not Bulgogi.
No. No.
There's a room there called the Bulgama room at Wee Spa. Look it up.
Oh, that's it. That's it.
That's it. That's the Bulgama room.
Okay? Yeah. So that's the Bulgama room.
It's 200. Sometimes it's like 215 degrees.
206, it says. Yeah, sometimes it's higher, right? It's very hot.
So it's a sauna. Yeah, it's a sauna.
Yeah, white people just call it sauna. It's just a sauna.
what's the degree of a sauna google it what's the average degree of a sauna well they have of a dry sauna it depends on where you go no no no I want to look at this you're really really really really really 150 175 right so the bulgama takes it to the next level it's like you know what know what I mean? It's not regular. More sweat? Yeah.
So I can smell more kimchi pouring out of your fucking mouth? God, you're being so negative right now. So basically what I'm saying is you go in there and most dudes walk in and they walk out.
But not us. We sit.
We're going to sit. Until someone dies.
No, no one dies. No, nobody dies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's the Wii Spa Bulgama room, right? I'll go in that.
We will?

Yeah.

And you're fully closed.

There's people doing hot yoga and all that stuff, right?

No, no, no, no.

People are doing yoga inside of the Bulgama, inside of there?

Sometimes, yeah.

Absolutely not.

Sit down.

Then you can tell them to stop.

I'll go sit down.

Okay, okay.

I don't want to play that.

And then look up the clay room.

The clay room at Wii Spa.

Because Ari and I went to the Russian Spa in New York, and I fucking love it.

You got in the cold, do you do cold plunge?

Yeah, there's cold plunge here too.

You don't do it, though, do you? I do. Go there with me, and I'll show you my wise ways.
Okay. Yeah, well.
All right? That's the clay room. Not going in that either.
Yeah, you are. Nope.
Yeah, and we're going to do that same exact thing. How many bodies? All the bodies that lay in that? You're going to use my shoulder as a pillow, and we're going be like that.
Dude, look how relaxed, you and I lay there? I would do it for the photo. Yeah.
It's fun. So anyway, we go there, right? Play room.
Hey. Play room.
No. Yeah.
Don't you think that'd be a fun thing to do as a group? Yeah. We're gonna do it, let's set a date now.
Do it. All right? Do it.
All right, let's, can you guys do it Sunday during the day? Yeah. You have to bring your kid.
Which Sunday? This Sunday during the day. Not this Sunday again.
Well, then he's not going to do the movie. Yeah, I'm not doing the movie.
I'm available. How about this? How about this? No, honestly.
We'll do a family trip. Monday night.
Okay. Monday night, we do Wii Spa as a family.
I'll pay. And then we can vlog it it or whatever for the Patreon well we're not they won't let us film in there obviously and we can film all the way up to when we get naked I think sure yeah and then it'll be a fun night right and then you and I guarantee you at the end of the night we'll walk out of there and you're gonna look me in the eyes and go I get it I get why you go there it's 24 hours to a spa it's 24 hours it's not russian it's korean it's 24 7 i like russians it's 24 hours a day seven days a week we got it you're selling us

on it we got to go now there's a restaurant up there i'm not eating after fucking staring at

your cock for an hour and a half you know no i'm not gonna be hungry i'll tell you that

if anything it'll be for a small meal. Okay.
Maybe appetizers. Let's move on then.
Let people eat there. Shrimp? Yeah, yeah.
Look at the little hats. Anyway.
Are they there? Yeah, they are there. Asian women? Oh, yeah.
Naked. No.
See, that portion, we all get dressed. The third floor where the Bulgama room is.
And then the first half of the thing, we go in the men's department. Yeah.
We get naked there. And I'll get you a locker far away.
You don't have to look at my genitals. No, I've seen it a thousand.
I know. But you haven't seen it in the wild.
It's different. It's different.
Smaller? More claws. Wow.
And fangs. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You have to see in the wild. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that Bobby's dick? Anyway, so next Monday night we're going to do a Bulgama room Wii Spa experience, right? We'll go. You're flipped on it.
We'll go. Anyway, perfect days.
Vin Vinders directed it. And I think it's going to just, I think it's greatly going to redirect my life into a different area.
So the gardening. Let's go back to the gardening.
Yeah. He gardens in it.
Okay? Yeah. Does he not? He has a little gardening in his little studio.
And I've always wanted to do that. Yeah, me too.
I just don't. Yeah, I don't.
And so I went and bought a catnip setup to start after watching the movie. And I've been watering it, watching it grow.
And there's just something about watching something grow from the soil that really- It's beautiful.

... does it for me.
I had a gardening thing at our old house that we had for a long time. We grew a lot of stuff and ate it all the time, but then I just couldn't keep up with it.
But it was like a mechanism. It was pods.
Have you seen these things before? Oh yeah. I saw them online.
Yeah. We had one at the house and it was incredible.
We had basil. We had lettuce.
We had I mean, peppers.

I don't remember what that thing is called.

We got it gifted to us and we put it outside. The problem is it's circular.
Hydro Builder. Is that what it was called? Let me look at the Hydro Builder.
Yeah, that's kind of what it was. It wasn't this company.
I was thinking about getting one of those. don't i don't know which one it was but it did it was kind of similar to that but the problem is it's 360 so it has to be placed in a place that gets all sides get sun which is pretty tough very difficult yeah instead of being flat like a garden so it gets direct overhead it doesn't spin no they make ones that have wrote that you can rotate but it's because the base of that is filled with water it's heavy as fuck yeah and And what happens is it waters itself every 15 minutes, so you don't have to do anything.
You just have to test the pH and make sure it's balanced. Okay.
It was cool, but then I was like, this is not really gardening. This is city gardening.
So I want to do it the right way, but then I have to get pots. Are you just growing it in the front of your house, like in a little dirt spot? Yep yep yeah you got to build a box you got to build boxes i'll build a box will you really i'd come over and do that with you i'm gonna raise that's my we spa we'll do some white people shit like gardening but we're gonna do both then by the way you know what movie i got caught in we're not movie but series and you're gonna be over it but on the plane ride just now from dallas tiktok I watched four episodes of Long Strange Trip.
Dude, I love that. That's what got me back into the fucking, got me back into the Grateful Dead.
Here's what's crazy. Yeah.
Like a couple years ago, because the guy who I play on, Dave, Mike, the real guy, him and I are friends, and he's a big Fish fan. He, you know, likes this world a lot.
And I said, hey, I started listening to the dead again. I don't know why.
In high school, I liked it okay, but I wasn't really... And then I really started to kind of get into it a couple of years ago again.
And I watched this documentary to kind of validate why I liked them because I didn't really understand. I was like, I just like their shit, I guess.

But man, this goes so deep.

Bro.

It goes so deep.

And I don't know if Deadheads are probably fucking,

I don't know if they like it,

if like real fans like it.

They do.

I don't know.

I'll tell you why they do.

May I tell you why I do?

Please.

In the late 80s, right,

Omar and all my friends,

they were all Deadheads

and they would still go to the shows back in the day, right? And I was a velvet underground guy. I was more like New York street.
I didn't like flower power. You like grungy.
I like heroin, S&M kind of things. Dirtbags.
Yeah. Yeah.
There's a better way to say it. You like CBGB.
Yeah, I like CBGB. The Ramones, that kind of thing, right? Dirty.
Sorry. You're right.
say it you like cbgb yeah like cbgb the ramones and that kind of thing right dirty so i sorry you're right yeah you like dirty um dirty fingernails so that's fine but these people had dirty fingernail fans too right right so different kind my whole life i hated the fucking dead all right hated them so not hateable well i'll tell you why i don't like 45 minutes jams and g minor when minor. When you're ripped, you do.
I know you do. But it's like I'm more like two, three-minute song, whatever, right? Right, right, right.
So I don't know where I was, but I was with a bunch of, like, hippies, old hippies. And I was going – it was just like – now I'm 52, right? And I'm like, yeah, fuck the dead.
And, like, did you see Long Strange Strip on Amazon? And I'm like, no, I will refuse, right? But then one guy was like, dude, I know who it was. I know who it was.
It was J.H. Harris.
J.F. Harris.
J.F. Harris, the comic, yeah.
It was J.F. Harris.
We were with a bunch of high hippies on him. And J.F.
goes, dude, I was always like you, but then I saw that documentary and it changed my whole thing. Yeah.
And I go, are you sure? He's like, just saw it dude i just started that's all he listened to it's it's incredible well i think with something that he said we related to jerry jerry was jerry jerry had said some things in it that i related to so much as a comic he one time said maybe we're was quoting about him but he had said that musicians have tricks. And I immediately thought of us.
I go, so do comics. We have tricks.
And he goes, when you're live, there's tricks that you know gets them in the, ah, or does the thing. And without getting too deep into it, performers know what your tricks are that you can kind of get away with.
And sometimes you do the tricks and you go, I don't even like that, but I know it's going to razz him up a little bit. You know what it is.
I rely on mine so much. Well, and that's fine.
But Jerry said once they learned how to do tricks, he realized how little he wanted to do them anymore because then he thought everybody can do these tricks. That means he was saying, it's like in our reference, if you play a video game and once you beat it once

and someone else is talking to you about them trying to beat it,

you know when you're a kid and somebody's like,

dude, and then do you know when you get to the castle?

And in your head you're like, I already know this.

And I already know where you have to go.

And he was saying-

Where do you go in the castle?

You have to go down again.

You have to go one more level down.

Yeah, you always have to go down.

And you know why you have to go down?

Why?

To get up.

You got to get back up.

Got to go down to get up.

To go down again. And so he, Jerry was translating that tricks, he fucking hated.
And he was like, I don't give a fuck if the set suffers a little bit, if we can find it more organically than us doing a trick to get back. And I thought, that's what all comics are striving to do, is to wipe away your tricks, and what? And take some fucking risks, and maybe a joke bombs and maybe a transition doesn't work as clean but without the trick you feel more real and it feels more and when jerry professed that that's part of the reason i think the band became so prolific because they were like no more tricks we'll try we'll just keep working it till it's magic.
What's wrong? Did I piss you off? No, he doesn't do the, he relies on the tricks. No, you don't.
That's not true. I do.
No, you don't. You just taught me.
No more tricks. No, you don't.
What are you saying? No more tricks for me. By the way, Jerry without a beard? Not good.
Not a great looking guy without the beard. Rest in peace.
But man, when you see some photos, you're like the beard was good sometimes like a guy like me if i shave my fucking beard look yeah that's a different guy it's a different different guy yeah yeah like me without a beard is not i'm not i do not like my face without a beard i'm born i am born with beard some people must have beard carlos must have beard i've seen you without a beard must have beard Thanks man Thanks, man. Yeah, no, dude, you and I, same face.
Must have beard. You don't need beard.
I can't. That's your Native American name.
Don't need beard. I must have beard.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He must have beard.
But anyway, that documentary really kind of, it changed me. It brought me back to what I, what, you're fucking laughing at me? What are you laughing at, man? Just must have beard.
Must have beard. Very funny joke.
I laugh at your joke. Gone are the days when the ox fall down.
I really like him. And I'm a big John Mayer fan and then listening to John do it is, I don't know, it's pretty cool.
With Dead and Company, it was actually pretty cool. So I watched that on the way to Dallas and I'm telling you, I validated why I like him.
I was was like, why do I like them? Right. I was like, right, yes, because they fucking, they're free.
And they really are because the acid tests open up their range of freedom. And they just- Also, we are, you know what I mean? They all stuck together for many, many years together.
As long as they could until fucking, I think, unfortunately, the doctor talks about how drugs just separated the fuck out of them. Pigpen's death, and I think- We should do this as long as we can.
Until we die. I will do this forever with you.
Okay. And let's do more magic.
Well, I've got some exciting news. Congratulations.
Well, it's actually for you. Oh, shit.
I got a phone call from our agents saying, hey, we are probably gonna have to add seats and shows for Australia for Down Under. Sold a good amount of tickets.
So people, our Australian fans, coming to see us. They're excited.
So we're going to add seats. We're going to add shows.
Go to badfriendspod.com. You can actually see all the tickets.
And we're coming down to Sydney, Brisbane, Oakland, Melbourne, Idlite, Pyth. By the way, this was a big point of contention.
I said to my agent, Perth is on the western part of Australia. It's fucking forever away.
Australia is like America. Will we be able to stay in a couple of cities for a couple of days or no? We kind of can do it.
It's going to shift around. We can also stay longer.
We have friends I want to hang out with and stuff. Yeah, we can do that.
But not over there. Yeah, yeah.
But I think we're going to add some seats in Sydney and all that stuff because they showed up. Yeah, it's a five-hour flight from Sydney to Perth.
It's huge. It's a huge place.
But here's what boned us. We're going to Perth last.
So we're going west and then we got to go all the way back east, back to America. I always want to see a cane frog.
You're going to see a cane frog. Really? And we're going to go pet kangaroos.
You know about the story about the cane frog? No. Okay.
We'll give it. I don i do no what happened was um the cane frog is cane frog look up cane frog it's a 20-hour flight back home from perth so you know sugar cane uh trees of plants yeah right there was a bug that was like you know i mean eating those up in in austral attacking the crops.
So they've shipped cane frogs over there because they thought that cane frogs would eat those bugs. But they couldn't jump high enough, right, to eat.
They could get the bug. And these fuckers fucking reproduce so fast.
The whole fucking country is riddled with cane frogs. I mean, maybe I've seen them then when I was out there.
Yeah, it's destroying things. I'll tell you what we're fucking littered with is cicadas.
Cicadas are disgusting. I was back in, dude, when I was in Nashville, they're so loud that when you go outside- What is it, locust? No, a cicada.
I've never heard of it. You don't know what a cicada is? Never even heard the, even the sounding of, the sounds I've never heard.
Oh my God. Cicadas.
cicadas cicada with a c do you guys not know what a cicada is i don't carlos do you don't know what a cicada is uh these things go underground bob they bury themselves for how long is it decade is it 10 years every 10 years they resurface and they infest parts of the country and they're my lord think about how creepy that is bob underneath you right now what there's there's a billion different versions of this burrowing beneath our feet holy shit creating an infrastructure in a system it's insane chit chat just chit chat periodical cicadas are insects that spend most of our lives on the ground feeding off the sap of tree roots underground underground yeah wow every 17 years you can't tell me this doesn't mean something this is like like, you know, you remember when they thought that like, you know, like in the Bible it says raining locusts and all that bullshit.

It was just this.

It's just this.

We're just seeing it differently.

Yeah.

Chit chat.

Chit chat.

Chit chat.

Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend. Yeah.
Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.