The Yellow Man with a Green Thumb

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Speaker 1 Hey!

Speaker 2 Bad friends, look at these shirts. We got

Speaker 2 our favorite shirts. And it's got all of us on it.

Speaker 2 Everyone's on it. McConney's on there.
I'm on there. Bob.

Speaker 2 The goop is on there, too. The goop is in it, right? Who else is on it? Carlos and Jeff.
Is my brother on there? Who's that Asian guy right there to the left? Where? In the pink. Where?

Speaker 2 To the far right. This? Yeah.
That's your mom. That's your mom.
Oh, that's great. My mom.
Mom, Bobby Mom. My mom's on.
And she's on the shirt. Go to badfriendsmerch.com to get it badfriendsmerch.com.

Speaker 2 Or on YouTube, it's down below. Also, hey, we're coming.
Dananda.

Speaker 2 Where are we going, Dananda? And Dandanda. We're going to Sydney, Australia, Brisbane, Australia, Auckland, New Zealand, Melbourne, Australia, Adelaide, Australia, and Perth, Australia.

Speaker 2 We're going Dananda, and we're going to be adding shows if we can. We want to do more shows.
We want to come see you guys. So go get those tickets now.
Get it now. Badfriendspod.com, Badfriendspod.

Speaker 2 They'll sell out. They'll sell out.

Speaker 2 They will. They definitely will.
So go get it. Badfriendspod.com.
Go get the tickets. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. I've got sleep.

Speaker 2 Apnea. I got sleep.
Four in the morning. Wake up.
Apnea. I got.
Four in the morning, wake up. Every four in the morning.
I was up at six today for some reason. My body, well, it woke me up to piss.

Speaker 2 Well, your body's athletic. It's like Caitlin Tom.
What's her name? Jenner. No, no, the one

Speaker 2 Clark. I'm attracted to her.
I'm a little bit more of a Caitlin Jenner than Caitlin Clark. I'm a Clark girl.

Speaker 2 I think she's so hot. You don't think she's hot? It's insane.

Speaker 2 No comment. Dude, I think she's hot, dude.
Pleading the fifth. He's got to plead the fifth.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think she's hot. She's not.
No. Oh, I love it.
No. Muscular titties.
No, but she's a talented athlete. She probably has muscular titties, no? Big time.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's her boy. Is that her boyfriend or her husband? Oh, I could.

Speaker 2 Hey, Clark, Caitlin Clark. I'm better.
Nice try. Not a husband, no.
No,

Speaker 2 look at him. He comes so quick.
Oh, he's the worst. Her biceps.
You think he

Speaker 2 shoots as far as she does?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Does he shoot as deep as she does? Yeah. I've shot from deeper.
That's what she would say.

Speaker 2 But, dude, it's like three-pointers. That's hard, huh?

Speaker 2 I've never watched, dude. I don't never watch basketball, but her, like, I've been looking her up, like, you know, reels and stuff.
I go, oh, that's good.

Speaker 2 You know, I don't know what Stephen Curry or any of those guys do, but, like, I'm sure it's pretty good. Yeah.
Stephan Curry, the greatest shooter of all time. Yeah.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 2 I knew him. Know him.
I know him. I knew him.
I know him. I know him.
But you don't know him because you don't even know his name. Yeah, I've worked with him before.

Speaker 2 He's a four-time NBA champ, two-time NBA, most valuable player, MVP, an NBA Finals MVP, an NBA All-Star Game MVP, an NBA clutch player of the year, and an inaugural NBA Western Conference Finals MVP.

Speaker 2 Best shooter we've ever seen. Probably one of the best.
Nope. The best.

Speaker 2 Did you see Civil War? I haven't seen it. You know why? Why? Because I know how it ended.
How does it end? The wrong team won, man. That's wrong, man.

Speaker 2 Um, it's so funny. It's like I saw it.

Speaker 2 Oh, I didn't ask you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's interesting that you say,

Speaker 2 I didn't ask you. He didn't ask you at all.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I was in like, I just look at the box. Kid looks at the box.
Yeah, I look at the box. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And first of all, you didn't even tell us or approve with us that you brought a new blood to the studio. Yeah.
Get on the mic here, kiddo. Look at that kid.
What's your name? I am Ryan.

Speaker 2 Hitler's dream. Hitler's dream, dude.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 you have hair down there yet?

Speaker 2 Do you have hair down there yet? I'm 21, I'd hope so. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When did you reach pubes?

Speaker 2 I mean, I think the same age as everyone. I'm looking for a man in podcast.
5'6, blonde hair, blue eyes, podcast. I'm looking for a man who does podcasts.

Speaker 2 You're like an internet dream. You're like this cute little young-faced

Speaker 2 blonde-haired kid who you fresh off the boat. You look like

Speaker 2 they open the box. You know, they crack the box at Port Authority?

Speaker 2 and he's like i'm ryan yeah yeah yeah what's your name ryan zayax ryan zayax yes yeah yeah yeah are you just petting him carlos yeah that's insane

Speaker 2 what are you doing he's not a furby i want to put i want to put sesame oil on you i don't know why eat sushi off of his body like one of those sesame oil on his body dude listen in the sun what's your favorite thing to eat ryan favorite thing to eat yeah probably whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa i love when white dudes show all their teeth when they talk by the way he's so nervous this is so mean ryan we love you you're a part of the family.

Speaker 2 Rax. Everything's good.
I love you guys, too.

Speaker 2 What's your favorite food? Favorite food? Definitely pasta. That's the go-to.
21 years old. You're a single guy? Yes.
Good. Good for you.
You're out there. What do they say? Playing the field?

Speaker 2 You shoot. Hey, how good is your Riz? How good is my Riz? It's not up for me to say.
Wow. Whoa.

Speaker 2 Who's it up to? The scientists?

Speaker 2 Up to the universe, I guess. Oh, the universe.
Okay. You Christian? Christian kid? Christian conservative kid? Oh, Catholic.
Catholic. That's the same thing.

Speaker 2 Can I ask you another personal question or no, is it uncomfortable? Sure, ask me whatever you want. Are you a virgin? No.

Speaker 2 Nice. Good.
Very good.

Speaker 2 Hmm. Body count.
What's your body count? Okay. No, too much? Yeah, you know.
What?

Speaker 2 Nothing.

Speaker 2 He's never going to say. Like, I just.

Speaker 2 You'd have to get there. I could guess.
But you'd have to get there in a different way. May I guess? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to say I'm sorry. See what I mean? He'll never say.

Speaker 2 Gentlemen never tell.

Speaker 2 I know they don't, right? But I can tell by your eyes.

Speaker 2 Three.

Speaker 2 Dude, I was going to say.

Speaker 2 I knew you were. I could feel you.

Speaker 2 Because one is ridiculous. The first one was an accident.
Yep. Yeah.
The first one was a full fluke. Yeah.
Right? Fluke? Yeah. The second one was a willing participant.
What? Are you guys psychics?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 We are. We are.
We are. Actually, thank you.
I'm a psychic.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Google it.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 and the third one was

Speaker 2 a family member? No, the third one was actually a professor in college. Oh.

Speaker 2 Fancy B. Fancy B.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, you were his professor?

Speaker 2 No. Not exactly.
No. Not exactly.
No,

Speaker 2 he taught at the school that he went to. Did he really? Yeah.
This is a kid from Quinnipac. Quinnipiac.
You went over there? Yeah, we went to that fucking dump. What a beautiful campus.

Speaker 2 He's a piece of shit. He's a shit camp.
It was a nightmare, dude. I had to piss so bad.
We took nine hours to get out there. I hated every second of it.
And then they shot us in a.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude, that was a like a news. No, it was like, no, it was more like a news, but like a Bosnian news center or whatever, right? Yeah, like hostages were going to come in.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It didn't, it wasn't good. Give us the money or we kill.
I was like, we're shooting a podcast, sir. No, it's a great college, and you did great, and good for you for going there.

Speaker 2 And I'm glad you're working in the biz now and you're part of our new family. Give it up for Ryan, guys.
Thanks for coming. I'm not done.

Speaker 2 I'm done with it. I have one more question.
One more question. Yeah, let's get him again.
Did you wrestle? Did I wrestle? No, I played football, though. What position?

Speaker 2 Hold on. Yeah, yeah.
You're like 5'7? What are you? 5'8 at the most? 5'7, yeah. 5'7'165?

Speaker 2 More like 168.

Speaker 2 Are you fucking kidding me, Ryan? I almost guessed it right in the nuts. I'm three off.

Speaker 2 He said it like it's like 160. I was much heavier back in the day.
Okay, you were 174 back then? But in college, do they have like a special

Speaker 2 Olympics? Like a football team that's not that like, that's not varsity or JV, but it's more special. Well, they have a thing called special teams.
He could have been on a special team.

Speaker 2 Like kick return. Oh, no, that's not what I mean either.
I played in high school, to clarify, not in college. Oh, well, then that makes sense.

Speaker 2 Were you a back?

Speaker 2 I was actually a center.

Speaker 2 You were a fucking center? Yeah. You were a center.
Yeah. I was much, much heavier.
You know how big you have to be to be a center? There's like some of the biggest guys in football.

Speaker 2 Bobby, that's the guy who snaps the football. That's like Jason Kelsey.
Yeah, which is the opposite of you. Way, way, way better than me.
No, well, yeah, he's a Hall of Famer. This guy's going to...

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Different. Different story.
I would have not guessed that. You seem the low and low and you could have been low and strong, and you could have been a good back.
That's me now. Low and strong.

Speaker 2 You know, I like you so much. Thank you.
I like you too, Bobby.

Speaker 2 You struck a cord here. That goes a long way with me.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 And already, already in that booth, you have more love for me than all three of the men. That's bad behind there.
Yeah, that sounds insane. That's insane.
That's crazy. You like Flattery?

Speaker 2 No, fuck you, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm tired. You know, honestly, I am tired of your shit as of late, dude.
I'm tired of your attitude, your little fucking digs, and your little snaps, dude. I'm fucking tired of it, dude.

Speaker 2 I come to work, right? And I want to just hang out with my friend, talk, be funny, but you come here with hostility, and you're like smashing me here and there, dude. And I don't like it, dude.
Yep.

Speaker 2 You're calling me fat. You know, me calling me old.
Oh, yeah. Calling me like you can't fuck in the sex.
Stupid, stupid, stupid. You're stupid to me, right? And it's like, oh, you.
Ugly. Ugly.

Speaker 2 He says that a lot. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You call me a piece of shit. A piece of dung shit, dude.
Beetle dung beetle dung dude you call me you know

Speaker 2 i don't like it it hurts my feelings stupid it's almost stupid it's almost like you're bad friends

Speaker 2 i see a smirk well

Speaker 2 stop stop

Speaker 2 stop so that when he said that

Speaker 2 no just

Speaker 2 stop no one say anything andrew when he said that it made me rageful. Pissed me right off.
Yeah, it made me so rageful. Piss me right off.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And it's a feeling of like, it's a feeling that I get as the TSA, actually. Yeah, why is this taking so long? Or when they go, we need to check this one.
No, you don't.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and there's nothing in there, I know. You know what I mean? Leave it alone.
And that frustration, it was like a similar feeling. I also wanted to stick my fingers in his Adam's apple.
Yes.

Speaker 2 And dig it into his body. Yep.
Slowly. Slowly.
Yeah, yeah. So no more love for you.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Good job, Ryan. We love you.
We love you, Ryan. By the way, this is a legitimate question.
I feel like you guys are like bad friends. Oh, fuck.
That's got to be in my dreams.

Speaker 2 You're going to wake up in the middle of the night. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Fuck that guy.

Speaker 2 It's almost like you're like, bad friends.

Speaker 2 Friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends, friends. Stuck on a loop in our head.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll never get out.

Speaker 2 Did we hire that guy? We hired. So we, do we.
He's an intern. Are you blushing now, Ryan? Yeah.
Maybe. Yeah, yeah, he's blushing.
You did great, buddy. You did great, bud.
Is he, is he,

Speaker 2 he's an intern, huh? Just so it's only for the summer? Yeah. Yeah, Yeah, because after the summer.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Hey, gon.

Speaker 2 What could he do to become like a regular, like get a job at Seven Ecky's?

Speaker 2 Get somebody else's brain.

Speaker 2 Dude, do you bring me in now? Like, he's still there. Oh, he can hear us? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Nothing. He's good.
He's a genius. He's a genius.
No, he's a good dude. We're just joshing with him.

Speaker 2 We're just, yeah, rubber. We're just ribbing him.
We're just ribbing him.

Speaker 2 He could be a long-term if he wants to stay. You want to stay in LA and become a full-time?

Speaker 2 That's the dream. All right, well, then do it.
Hire the kid. I don't know.
Who cares? Anyway, let's move on from him. And I gave him my cones job.

Speaker 2 It's not that he does much, anyway. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's in the blood. It's in your blood now.
You're an asshole.

Speaker 2 It's something about, well,

Speaker 2 he's raising a baby now, and I know that it's gotten to him a little bit because now he's got to be like a dad all the time, and he doesn't want to be a dad.

Speaker 2 He wanted to be a rock and roll star. You know that, right? That was his real dream.
And then he became a shitbag director. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, we're still, he's just, you know. Every day, my agents talk me out of Spain.

Speaker 2 Yeah. No, it's not even a joke.
It's not even a joke. Every day they call, and then the higher ups call.

Speaker 2 Are you sure about Spain? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's going to just put a wrench in the whole fucking thing. I go,

Speaker 2 I love him. I'm going to do him a favor.
I'm going to play a zombie. They're like, I know, but it's like, we read it.

Speaker 2 Not true.

Speaker 2 What? They haven't read it.

Speaker 2 Even worse.

Speaker 2 Let me. Okay, you're right.
Let me say, we tried to read it.

Speaker 2 We just couldn't get past the first page. Yeah.
Yeah, so yeah, they did try. And the first page is just the cover page.
Yeah. What's the title? What's the name of the film again? Jabberwocky.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is it really called Jabberwocky? Yeah. Like the dance crew? You do know about the dance crew? I do not know about the dance crew.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I think you should reconsider because there's an extremely famous dance crew called the Jabberwockies. And they're in Vegas and they're...
I think they're won America's Got Talent.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they do. It might be based on this little

Speaker 2 poem.

Speaker 2 But you do know culturally, people will think of this in America. Yeah.
Oh, I see. Oh, yeah.
They're like, oh, it's a documentary about our favorite dance group. Or they watch it.

Speaker 2 They're like, it's just a little shitty zombie movie.

Speaker 2 What is the meaning of Jabberwockie?

Speaker 2 What is that? Jabberwocky is a poem in Alice in Wonderland, and it's about a nonsensical creature.

Speaker 2 By Lewis Carroll. Jabberwocky by Lewis Carroll.
Whoa, interesting.

Speaker 2 But I do think, unfortunately, pop culturally, people will think of the damn screw from Vegas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Twas brilling and the slithy to the slithy toves did jaya and gimbal in the wild

Speaker 2 roll.

Speaker 2 This was based on this is your movie?

Speaker 2 Is this the script for your movie? Yeah, yeah, it is.

Speaker 2 That's the opening monologue. Right?

Speaker 2 So I'm a security guy. The only lines you have.
Yeah, so I'm a security guy, right? I'm sitting there and I see the fucking zombies. Go go to the beginning.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm just like looking at my thing, right? You know, putting my, you know, right, and I look out, I see, I go, ah, twas brilling.

Speaker 2 Do I have an accent?

Speaker 2 Sure. Yeah, good, good, good, thank you.
I might, I need one for that. Spanish.

Speaker 2 Olf. Twas a brilling.

Speaker 2 No, that's good. That is good.
Twas Brill and the Slithy Dwaves.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Didn't Geyer and Gimbul in the wabe.
Perfect. Yeah.
All my me were the bongo. Mimsy.
Okay. All mimsy were the borongoves.
Borogro. Borogro.
Borogovs. Borogovs.
And the mom rats all greb.

Speaker 2 Perfect. Very good.
Perfect. You get the next line.

Speaker 2 Beware the jabber woke, my son. But y'all's that bite to claws that catch.
Beware the jub jub bird and shun the firmoeous bander snatch. Okay, can you go back to the first? Sandersnatch is good.

Speaker 2 I think that's the right way to go. Yeah.
Twas bratling and the slithy toes did gar Gar and Gimbal and the Wabe.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Right? Good or no? All Mimsy were the

Speaker 2 Borrow Goves

Speaker 2 and the Moon Rats out grape.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's the movie. You got your film.
Take that. That's it.
Take that. Record that.
I'm not going to Spain. Take that.

Speaker 2 We're still trying to work it out that I'm going to, you know, I called him yesterday. I still might be.

Speaker 2 I promise you, I would bet a million dollars you're not going to go. Why?

Speaker 2 There's no way you're going, dude. Don't try to trick my mind.
Yeah, look at your face right now. I'm not gonna get tricked by your mind games right now, dude.
It's diabolical.

Speaker 2 Did I call you yesterday and I said we might be able to work out? He's not gonna work it out. I promise you won't be there.
I'll fucking put a million dollars on it. There's no way he's going.

Speaker 2 A million? I think we can work it out if you put a million dollars. $500.
$500. No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not doing it.
Well, let's talk about movies. Because I'll tell you this.

Speaker 2 Let's talk about movies. All right, last week, I'm in Portland.
I got a call about this. What? From Oliver Tree.
Oh, my God. Called me about you on set.

Speaker 2 Not happy.

Speaker 2 And says he might get a lawyer.

Speaker 2 Apparently,

Speaker 2 he said you faked COVID.

Speaker 2 You made a whole deal. You ruined

Speaker 2 a day of shooting. And then

Speaker 2 you threatened Oliver. Now he's going to sue us.
He's going to sue you. What I did was, while he was in makeup, I went literally to say, I didn't know anybody in the crew.
And I go, attention, please.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I did this. I said, attention, please.
And everyone stopped one of the directors. I mean, it's like 30 people, right? Wardrobe, everybody.
I go,

Speaker 2 so Oliver has monkeypox, and he's patient zero. He's the monkey.

Speaker 2 So nobody touch him. And I was being, I'm fucking dead serious, right?

Speaker 2 And then later, I found out he was all fucking mad about it. He said he's going to sue you for defamation.
He texted me the whole thing this week. It was a joke.
Well, he's suing.

Speaker 2 Does he not look like a monkey? He said he's going to say that. Does he look like a monkey? Raise your hand.
Look at this. I'm the only one.
Look at this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He says to me in in a long text:

Speaker 2 I'm going to call him that. Guy faked a COVID scare, didn't have to play a role, acted like a diva.

Speaker 2 He won't respond to my texts or my calls. I had to fly out my lawyer, Jeremiah Jeffrey, to clean the whole mess up.

Speaker 2 He's going to sue you for defamation. Yeah.
I went home right now. Well, do it because now he's going to sue us.

Speaker 2 Did he really text you, though? He did. Well, I just read it off.
Oh, yeah, but you're a good improviser.

Speaker 2 That is true. No, but I did.
There, look. Okay.
He has more lines. Look.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's long.

Speaker 2 He told me everything. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 He's not going to answer now.

Speaker 2 I'm going to leave a message.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. The person you were trying to reach has a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.
Oh, fuck you.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. That's actually smart to not set up a mailbox.

Speaker 2 I just got a text from your exila?

Speaker 2 About what?

Speaker 2 Nothing.

Speaker 2 What is going on right here, dude? No, I can't get dinner. I have to do.
Okay, that's how she's going to do.

Speaker 2 Hold on. You'd be the last person she would ask.
I can stop by after

Speaker 2 dinner. Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Red ginseng, royal jelly. Well, what is it she says come to hotel? I mean, I can play with the same thing with your wife.
All right. You can.
Actually, no, you can. Yeah.
Go ahead, please.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to. Swapadopoulos.

Speaker 2 I want to tell you something. Okay, go ahead.
I feel like, look, look at me in the face real fast.

Speaker 2 You're my best boy.

Speaker 2 And I love you, and you know that. No, well, whatever.
Well,

Speaker 2 I want to come clean to you about something. Is it going to make me mad?

Speaker 2 I feel like it's serious.

Speaker 2 Well, it's not serious, but I do want to tell you something. It's going to make me mad.
It's not. It's not even that big of a deal.
Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 I'm.

Speaker 2 okay. Uh-oh.
I'm s oh, no. I'm starting a podcast with Kalila.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 the woman that was here,

Speaker 2 the old lady that came in here. Yeah, McCone's wife.
Was not

Speaker 2 McCone's grandmother. She's an internet personality named Angry Grandmother.
And

Speaker 2 we put her up to the whole thing. She is not related.

Speaker 2 And the. And the internet's going to be surprised that you didn't know.
And I wanted to tell you, but she's got an internet following. Her name is The Real Angry Grandmother, and she's very funny.

Speaker 2 Look, look at her. Wait, go to her main page.
There, you see a picture of us on her main page. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. Nothing gets by you, pal.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, on my mother's life, I didn't know. Well, here's how I know.
By the way, for the audience, here's how I know Bobby didn't know. He called me, right, that night.

Speaker 2 I'm driving down to the comedy store. I'm over the hill.
He literally calls and goes, Hey,

Speaker 2 why is she so mad at me?

Speaker 2 And I was like, what are you talking about? And he goes, why is McColl's family? Do you think he's talking shit behind our back to her about us? I said, no.

Speaker 2 Can I say something? It all lined up in my mind. To be real.
That he could be that big of a bitch.

Speaker 2 That he would go to his grandmother and start complaining about me. Yes.
And all of a sudden, there's like this family resentment. Yes.
She had to fly all the way over here.

Speaker 2 So that's not your brother? No, that's not. That's her grandson.

Speaker 2 No, we didn't.

Speaker 2 I thought it was just like the bit. Like when you had me sit down.
I'm like, oh, he's continuing. We thought you were playing with

Speaker 2 Then you texted me over the weekend and you never text me.

Speaker 2 It's not just it's not just that.

Speaker 2 I had to see Beverly about it. You had to go to your therapist.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 I literally had to go to my therapist for that reason.

Speaker 2 And then I was just like, you know, I said my behavior. Like, I can't even see when I'm treating people so poorly, right? And I'm not aware that people are, there are things going on.

Speaker 2 And I was like, is it about me? Why would you do that? You have to be more mindful. No, it's fuck you.
Fuck all of you. You guys are all involved in this.
Go fuck yourself.

Speaker 2 I have nothing to do with it. Yes, you do, dude.
How?

Speaker 2 Because you knew. I didn't know.
Yes, you did, dude. You did.
They hid it from me. Yeah, you didn't know.

Speaker 2 I didn't know who that was. But I didn't.
Who did you think she was? His grandmother. What do you mean? And then they told me.
And then I said, when? We should tell Bobby. After the episode.

Speaker 2 And then I said, we should tell Bobby. And then the boys were like, don't tell him.

Speaker 2 Okay, I believe you. Carlos.
No, stop, stop, stop. Okay, Carlos said it.

Speaker 2 I believe you. I do.
But

Speaker 2 I knew the whole time.

Speaker 2 Okay, now I can go back, man.

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Speaker 2 Hydro. I got it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

Speaker 2 What is it? Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

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And this is true.

Speaker 2 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers, the old ways are gone.

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Speaker 2 Fuck, let's go ahead. I'm not going to fuck you.
What I'm saying is, is that, wow. And I think the person.

Speaker 2 She did a great job. She did great.
Let me see what my feeling is. Yeah, close to me.

Speaker 2 Who am I mad at the most? You know. It was Andrew's idea.
It was Andrew's idea. No, how was it my idea? Bring his lady.
Who sent it to me? It was my idea. Yes.
I didn't find her.

Speaker 2 It's so funny because my anger still goes to McCone.

Speaker 2 It should. He goes, you should have said over the weekend that, hey, dude, it was just there was an internet lady and whatever.
Did I ask you that too? It's like, I suddenly said that.

Speaker 2 You said, you said, is that really his grandmother? And I said, I think so.

Speaker 2 And you went, why would she be so mad? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why would she be so mad? And then I kind of replayed in my mind because you said it somewhere in Minnesota.
She said, right.

Speaker 2 She was very good at playing along. Right.
So I was like, was there an incident where his family was there and I was like not available? I feel like, because I feel like I'm really good with families.

Speaker 2 You say, how are you? And I and I hug and all that stuff, right? You're better than Andrew.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. What did you just say? Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. What did you just say? Bobby's a great,

Speaker 2 he loves to ham it up. Yeah, ham it up with families.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. Don't

Speaker 2 know that matters. McCone.
Get up to the mic. Don't describe it.
No, McCone. What are you doing? You were doing fine.
No,

Speaker 2 you were being honest, and I appreciate it. But this thing you're doing now, nah, dude.
No, go ahead. Say your piece.
Say your piece.

Speaker 2 It's desperate. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I was like, Andrew will say hi to my parents. Andrew will say hi to a group of people, but Bobby will go up to everyone individually and start, you know.

Speaker 2 You're grabbing them and touching them. You're physically assaulting them? No, no, no.
I say hello and I move on.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying Bobby has more than a moment.

Speaker 2 I don't do that.

Speaker 2 What the fuck are you doing? Let's not talk about the grabbing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, what he means to say... Is that you physically assault his family? That's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 What he means to say is I shake hands, I do hogs, right? And I'm really mindful. I'm really there present.
I mean,

Speaker 2 you guys both have different ways of showing love, you know? Mine's more genuine, his is more artificial.

Speaker 2 No, it's not artificial. We have different ways of approaching it.
It's out and in your face. Yeah, annoying.

Speaker 2 And mine is more real and distant and more unavailable. He's a listener and you're aggressive.
He's not a listener.

Speaker 2 I draw the line there. He's not a listener, dude.
He's a listener.

Speaker 2 He only listens to himself.

Speaker 2 You can say whatever he wants. I mean, we know how wrong he is.
It's insane.

Speaker 2 Everybody in here knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway. Let him create his false reality.
So what I want to say is that that still doesn't give, that doesn't resolve our situation. You know, I called you over the weekend.
You texted me.

Speaker 2 I texted you. What did I say? You said, what's up with the all eyes on Rafa? Is this a movie?

Speaker 2 I said, no, this is a Palestine.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right. That's right.

Speaker 2 That was my way into, like, kind of like,

Speaker 2 this is a small talk. You wanted to see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't care about it.

Speaker 2 I knew what Rafael was. Yeah, yeah.
What? You do not like small talk.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but I was trying to get in like, hey, and then my next thing was going to be, you was going to be, hey, is there any way I can make it up or whatever? But then I was just like, nah, no.

Speaker 2 Because I thought that your grandma was acting way too fucking, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Intense for whatever the situation was. A little over the top.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So, wow, okay, so that's good. And that's not your brother.
And okay. So we're playing tricks.
That guy looks nothing like me.

Speaker 2 He was, he's like huge. No, he's a white guy.
Yeah, yeah. There's tricks, and I guess I'm going to have to get everyone back.

Speaker 2 I guess I'm going to have to do that. Whatever you feel like you need to do.
I need to do it. I mean, it was a

Speaker 2 pretty harmless thing, but yeah. It was a harmful thing.
No.

Speaker 2 Dude.

Speaker 2 When I fucking do a special session with my fucking therapist, right? And I'm fucking brooding about it and thinking about it all fucking weekend.

Speaker 2 What are you doing with your face, dude? I'm just mocking your bullshit.

Speaker 2 You didn't do a special session with your therapist. I did.
You had to do a regular session. You brought that up.
Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 But it was special.

Speaker 2 They're all special. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, well, then there we go. Still special nonetheless.
The RP is special. It's special nonetheless.
Okay. So, all right, so you got that.
Anything else?

Speaker 2 Let's just get out of the way today, guys. Let's get everything put everything on the table and go, this is what we did and this and that.
Anything else? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I took these dick pills

Speaker 2 and it lasted too long.

Speaker 2 Like four days, and I didn't think they would be that potent. Four full days? Yeah, four days.

Speaker 2 And so I thought. You could have had a stroke, by the way.

Speaker 2 No, I didn't know. No one told me.
I'm telling you now. Don't ever do that again.
Thank you, Andrew. Read the prescription.
Yeah, you got to read it. Well, you don't need a prescription for these.

Speaker 2 You buy them at a gas station on Vermont. Oh, you did like the little X-N's or whatever? No, the Mexican ones.

Speaker 2 It's called like

Speaker 2 the colour. Oh, the rhino cock.
There's a new one that says no headache, so I got that one.

Speaker 2 Did you get a headache? No. Okay, well,

Speaker 2 it's on the packet. Yeah, okay.
I know. Yeah, but the Hot Rod 5000s give you headaches, so the Rhino didn't.
So I was really happy.

Speaker 2 What's in there? Is it the same ingredients as? Oh, I don't know. Yeah, I don't know what's in it.
I just take it and I know I get an erection. I learned this early on.

Speaker 2 Can you not get an erection without it? No, I can, but I use it as insurance so I can have like an extra fun time.

Speaker 2 But if you're attracted to the person, do then you have trouble sometimes? Sometimes I will, so I'll get in my head and I'll start thinking, oh, like I want to watch something later.

Speaker 2 I'll like think about a million things. Watch what later? Like a film or something pornographic? No, like YouTube or something.
Like I'll think about later in my night, and like it'll affect me.

Speaker 2 So, you're sitting with the person that you're interested in, you're thinking about YouTube? I'll think about y'all. What, what? Don't.

Speaker 2 I don't think about you when I'm trying to get home. Please don't.
I love y'all.

Speaker 2 I love you too, but that's nonetheless. I don't think about you at all.
But when I get in bed, I think about everything in my life, and y'all are such a big part of it.

Speaker 2 And when I think of y'all, my boner goes down. Okay, when do you think about

Speaker 2 what? Who have you?

Speaker 2 Who's the last person you hooked up with that you had no thoughts like that, that it was just free and high school

Speaker 2 I hooked up with it was that long ago? No, I probably like years

Speaker 2 You haven't hooked up with someone in years that you felt comfortable just getting a heart on and not thinking about life? Yeah, it's been years. I have like I take medicine for it.

Speaker 2 It's in a couple movies. It's incredible.
It's been what do you mean it's in a couple movies? I saw I related to one of these characters.

Speaker 2 I saw a movie called Red Rocket with Simon Rex and he had to take dick pills all the time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love him. Yeah, I know.
I was like, oh, that's me.

Speaker 2 I went to the premiere over that movie. Oh, I'm jealous.
So, yeah.

Speaker 2 Why does it have to do with you? Yeah, what happened? Oh, just I was hooking up with this girl and like the insurance stopped working and I got really upset. In the middle of it.
Yes.

Speaker 2 It has nothing to do with me and the deception.

Speaker 2 I was saying, what, like, I don't care about your personal life. I could have done that too, dude.
Oh, yeah. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 What I'm saying is, is there anything that you want to put on the table where you lied to me or deceived me in any kind of way? I I thought we were just not your fault.

Speaker 2 Well, then I can do the same thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, but I do like life stories. It is really.
Yeah, what's up with this fault? But not in this segment.

Speaker 2 There's segments, dude, in the show. Yeah, I just, I was getting honest with my buddies here.

Speaker 2 Thank you for that. Very nice.
I mean, it's just like, I can't. Yeah, I don't know about these people.
I think we should start anew. I'm so down.
Yeah, yeah. You clip, fire everybody.

Speaker 2 Maybe the little kid from Connecticut can stay. Who, Ryan? Yeah.
I don't know, though. He said some things that were like suspect.

Speaker 2 Well, he walked in and he said, called everyone the N-word, which I thought was weird. Yeah, yeah.
I don't know why he approached it. Stop.
You know what I mean? I was like,

Speaker 2 Ryan, slow down. Yeah, slow down.
You're an intern. Yeah.
But anyway,

Speaker 2 well, look, let me think about it. If you want a clear house, we'll get these guys out of here.
I really do. I mean,

Speaker 2 stop for a second.

Speaker 2 What I want to say to you is

Speaker 2 excuse me. Oh, is I laughing too much? Yeah, like a hyena.
Okay, I'm sorry. I don't like hyena laughs.

Speaker 2 Excuse me. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Excuse me. This guy's kind of.
Please. This is not a comedy show.
Yeah, I'm just trying to be.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hello.
Hello. Are you here? I'm here.
Are you listening? Yes. So what I wanted to say is that, and

Speaker 2 I'm going to be truthful. And really dig into my feelings here.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It's just been an adventure adventure doing this podcast with you guys. It really has.
I mean, the kind of experiences we've had, I will never forget them. I don't know why you're laughing.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what are you smiling about? Yeah, you piece of shit. What are you laughing? I'm being fucking my no, either one of you.
You fucking.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yes. Both of you.
Stop. Like, when you get genuine, like, you know, I get genuine.
I get out of shit.

Speaker 2 And am I? No, it's not. Am I reading this wrong? No, they're doing it.
They're doing it. They're egging you on.
They're egging me out right now. And I don't like it.
You know what, dude?

Speaker 2 I don't even have to say it to them because this is how I feel. So I could just say it to...
Say it. I don't want to say it to you either for some reason.
Well, say it to camera then.

Speaker 2 I'll just say it to the wall. To the audience.
Well, no, no. To the audience.

Speaker 2 Okay, so.

Speaker 2 Please, dude. Well, I don't want to coach you.
Okay, go ahead. Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry. Please.
You do as you may. All right.

Speaker 2 So what I want to say is in the last, you know, since the beginning of Bad Friends, it's just been an adventure. I've, you know, when I was a young guy, I was like, it was never part of my...

Speaker 2 dream to do this, but it was like, was I mistaken? Because, wow, this has been a fucking wild ride. And it's been one of the greatest things I've I've ever experienced.

Speaker 2 And the people were, it's almost as if like they were all meant to be there. Like, we all fit like a fucking puzzle, dude.
Right. And when you put the puzzles together, it's a beautiful painting.

Speaker 2 And sometimes, yeah, a rogue piece gets in there. Exactly.
Like, what puzzle is this? What puzzle piece is this? Yeah, what does this go to? Yeah. And then that rogue piece, McCone, right? Right.

Speaker 2 But Andrew hammered it in. Yeah, yeah.
As hard as I could. I said, you put a fit.

Speaker 2 So it's basically, you know what I mean, a gigantic puzzle of a gigantic butterfly.

Speaker 2 But the rogue piece, you can tell, is the edge of a swastika. That's right.

Speaker 2 All right. So I'm like, try to jam in this little tiny swastika piece inside this butterfly.
Yeah. And then the whole thing becomes very Nazi, Nazi-S.
It's Nazi propaganda. Right.

Speaker 2 So what I have to do is I have to fucking unpuzzle it to its pieces, throw it in the garbage, and go buy a new puzzle. And buy a Mein Kampf book.
Yeah. You have to start all over.

Speaker 2 Whatever it might be. Sure.
Yeah. I mean, mean, I don't know Mein Kampf.
Oh, my God. Great book?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Can't put it down.

Speaker 2 But I'll tell you what, you're right. I think you need to throw away this old puzzle.
It's not working. The puzzle's not working.
So thank you for being my old puzzle pieces.

Speaker 2 But it's not fitting together anymore for me. The way it is.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 What you doing, dude? I'm just bummed. Well, lies and deceits are going to get you there, but yeah.
That's you too, dude. Yeah.
Thank you. Are you throwing me off the show?

Speaker 2 No, I said you too. I love you.
Oh, I love you too.

Speaker 2 That's what I was saying. I love you too.
You too, dude. You too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Not with them, but you too in terms of love. I love you.
I love you, too. Hey, who's the highest?

Speaker 2 Who do you think is the highest-grossing touring musical artist of last year? Taylor Swift. Correct.
Who's number two?

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 That's a good one.

Speaker 2 I know you got it. I know.

Speaker 2 I know you got it. I know.
Oh, really? Yeah, I know you. You think I got it? I know you do.
Yeah, yeah. These guys don't fucking have it.
Did Harry Styles go last year? He's in there. Not two, though.

Speaker 2 But he's number five. Number five.
Wow. Okay.
Did Beyonce do anything? Number two. Did I get it? You got it.
Fuck yeah, who's number three? I don't know if I... No.

Speaker 2 You're this good. You've gotten fucking three of the five.
You think you can't knock out two more? So who else went out there last year?

Speaker 2 I'm going to tell you this. Yeah.
It's a group.

Speaker 2 This number three. Room five.
Is a group. No, but that's a very good guess.
This is a group, and it's a group where you go,

Speaker 2 I mean, yeah, they were very, very popular 10 years ago, but I cannot believe they're still making that much money.

Speaker 2 Lincoln Park.

Speaker 2 Bigger. Much bigger.
Much bigger than Lincoln Park. Michigan.
Yeah, chain smokers.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Okay. Now you're going,

Speaker 2 you're so cold. You're freezing cold.
You're the middle of the cold.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know.

Speaker 2 In the sunlight.

Speaker 2 That's what I said. I guess.
Yeah. No?

Speaker 2 The guys heard the song I did. No, keep doing it.
They all heard.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Oh, I know what it is.
I know what it is.

Speaker 2 Coldplay. Yeah, cold play.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.

Speaker 2 And then.

Speaker 2 That doesn't surprise me. And okay, but.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, cold play? Clockwork. Is that what the song?

Speaker 2 And then the next one is

Speaker 2 I got this one right. We were doing trips.
I know one. What is it? Imagine Dragons.
No, it's a solo art. Well, it's a man's name that is the band.
It's a man's name that is the band.

Speaker 2 It's his name, but it's a band, but it's him. Do you know what I mean? Like, he's not a solo artist because that's not a real fan.
Wait, wait, is the is his name in the band's name?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's his name. Okay, well, okay.
They go by him. They go by him.
John Mayer. No, but he's with, because he's with

Speaker 2 the. Yeah, he's with the dead.
I have no idea. Do you guys know? Give it a guess.
And I got this. I was shocked because I thought, what's an old-timer guy that's touring? By the way, Bruce?

Speaker 2 Springsteen. Wow, very good, fan speed.
Bruce? Bruce Springsteen. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, you could look it it up, the number is like 300-something million. It kills it.
Awesome. You know how much Taylor Swift made?

Speaker 2 Over a billion dollars. I know.

Speaker 2 A billion fucking dollars. In one year.
Yeah. It's crazy.
It was the top touring, touring. And what would I do with that money?

Speaker 2 A billion dollars? Oh, I'd never see you guys again. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Honestly? I would hope not. No, if you got a billion dollars, would you call me and go, I think I'm done? No.
No. You know what I would do? What? Give me a half a billion?

Speaker 2 Half a billion.

Speaker 2 Half a billion. Yeah, yeah.
No.

Speaker 2 Would you give me any of that money? No.

Speaker 2 A billion dollars? You give me the sum. I don't think so.

Speaker 2 I think I would give you... Well, I would say what.
Outrageous. What? Outrageous.
Outrageous. I would say, what do you need? $10 million.

Speaker 2 For what? Just to give it to me. So I don't feel jealous.
Okay, but I want to, but I, okay, but how about this? Then you have to turn the receipts of what you buy with it.

Speaker 2 I want to know every dime you spend.

Speaker 2 That's fine. I will do that.
Really? Every dime. I want to see every dime.
Yeah. Cash, clash at clans, 40 000

Speaker 2 that kind of thing yeah yeah yeah yeah you will spend that much on a on a video game no remember when clinton called me and goes no more classic clans delete it right now because i spent ten thousand dollars in one month or whatever on classic clans anyway um jesus no i would give you i would give you as much as you wanted no no no just 10 million i don't think you would yes i would because when people get money they hoard it what do you mean i'm generous i would absolutely give you money i wouldn't even think twice about it i give fucking i i would give i would give in this room yeah like tell what what everyone would get If I won a billion dollars.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And if I won the lottery, I would give, well, first of all, I'd do my family first.

Speaker 2 No, I mean, my mother and my father

Speaker 2 would take care of me. Of course, of course, of course.
My little sister. Of course, your little sister.
And then when I got to the bad friend's family, I would give McCone

Speaker 2 10K.

Speaker 2 Pretty generous. That's really nice.
Pretty generous. Yeah.
I'd break Fancy off with a mill. I'd give him a millie.
Nice. Well, he's a dad.
Yeah, nice.

Speaker 2 And I'd give Carlos probably one of those. Did they sell gift cards for rehab? Do they have gift cards? They don't have that.

Speaker 2 They should. No.
Maybe get him insurance.

Speaker 2 I'd give him health insurance.

Speaker 2 I'd pay for his health insurance. You can blur rehab.

Speaker 2 I would give him health insurance. Yeah, yeah.
And then Ryan, the new guy, I'd give him, I don't know, a couple hundred grand. Just toss it to him.
Just to see what, you know, fuck up his life.

Speaker 2 You know what? It's so fun. Just to see what would happen.
Yeah, just to see what happens with Ryan. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, I've been gardening. What? Yeah, I've been gardening.
What are you gardening, babe?

Speaker 2 Right now, I'm.

Speaker 2 Does my little yellow man have a green thumb? Yeah, don't call me that.

Speaker 2 What is yellow? Don't call me a green colour. But if you mix yellow and green, what color is it? No, I just, the green thumb.
What color is yellow and green? Not the yellow part. What?

Speaker 2 I have a problem with the green thumb, not the yellow part. Why? You have a green thumb.
Okay, anyway,

Speaker 2 I've been growing catnip. You've been growing catnip

Speaker 2 in your yard. No, outside of my front yard.
How do you grow catnip?

Speaker 2 This is a hard thing to grow.

Speaker 2 Available to buy and plant at any time, sunny and well-drained, large pot. Yeah, so I've been getting, I got the pot, I got the soil.
It's weed for cats, right? Yeah, yeah, they love it, right? Wow.

Speaker 2 So I've been growing it, right? Right now, there's like only nine little pieces that stuck out. Okay.
You know what I mean? So there's like only nine little grass hairs that are sticking out.

Speaker 2 But I just planted a week ago. Yeah, anyway.
Do you grow the catnip? Yeah, but I experimented and I put Diet Coke in like a little piece of

Speaker 2 see if that would work. It doesn't work.
No, it doesn't. Yeah, typically.
That's my point, though. I don't know why you even brought that up.
What was it? Was it? No,

Speaker 2 I experiment. You're experimenting.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're trying.
I try. It doesn't work.
I like it. It's water.

Speaker 2 It's water.

Speaker 2 And I'll tell you why. I'm going to now go to carrots and other things.
Carrots is probably pretty easy to do. I think you could do carrots.
Yeah, yeah. And the reason why is because of this movie.

Speaker 2 It's fine. What movie?

Speaker 2 It's fuck. I don't know.
It just fucking... Oh, I know what it is.

Speaker 2 Perfect Days. Perfect Days.

Speaker 2 Vim Vinders. So

Speaker 2 this got you into gardening. You've now got a green thumb.
Oh, This is supposed to be really good. This is about a little Asian guy who gardens?

Speaker 2 No, he's

Speaker 2 Janitor

Speaker 2 Bizarre? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a beautiful film, huh? It's just a beautiful film. It's a film of...

Speaker 2 Just give me a second. Yeah, we are.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I want to say...

Speaker 2 When I was a young man, I had nothing.

Speaker 2 Really.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 2 Hello. I don't know about that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You actually had a pretty substantial amount.

Speaker 2 You, you grew up in a fucking country club. What are you talking about? No, no, no.
No, what I'm saying in my early 20s. Okay.

Speaker 2 Please. I mean, I'm just trying to be.
What you're doing. Specific.
In high school, you definitely had to. What you're doing right now is not good.
You're a rich drug addict.

Speaker 2 Hyena?

Speaker 2 Hyena again? That's enough, Carlos. Enough of that.
That's not funny. Okay.
All right, go ahead. So anyway,

Speaker 2 in order for me to be happy, is I had to look at the little things in life, right, and be mindful about the things around me and find joy in those things, right?

Speaker 2 Like, for instance, I've said this before: I would work at this restaurant, and it would be like you know,

Speaker 2 a breakfast place, I would be slammed.

Speaker 2 It was in the cove, I would sit on the edge of the cove and watch the seals and the oceans, and that would give me joy, just the simplicity of watching nature and the wind and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 And I had no money, no pussy, nothing.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And then since I started doing stand-up, you get away from that, right?

Speaker 2 And you want, you know what I mean, dopamine hits and you want to get to the next level and all these things that fix you, that thinks you're going to, right?

Speaker 2 But then this, I saw this movie, I was like, it brought me back to those days. So this, this guy is a gardener, right? And he's janitor, I'm like, he's a janitor, right?

Speaker 2 And it's every day he just shows up, goes, cleans toilets, but he looks at little things in life, like, you know what I mean, the wind blowing through the trees right or like you know i mean people just

Speaker 2 homeless people and just and he finds little things and he finds joy in those things and it's like i i when i saw that i was like oh shit i think that's what's missing in my life that's all

Speaker 2 If he was an Asian, would you have liked this as much? No, no, no. Yeah, absolutely.
I was just going to say, that's all of it. Yeah.
Yeah. That's just a janitor.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 In America.

Speaker 2 Two thumbs down. Two thumbs down.
Yeah, yeah. I'd pick it fucking the theater.
Fuck that movie. If this movie was called Tough Times and it was was just about a janitor.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, janitor.

Speaker 2 Is that him washing at the sink? No, he's at a spa. That's a spa? That's how.

Speaker 2 You remember? Yeah, that's.

Speaker 2 Stop, stop, stop. Look at me right now, dude.

Speaker 2 Look at me right now, dude.

Speaker 2 You're not looking at me, dude. I've been to a spa.
It doesn't look like a dude. No, no, no.
Stop, stop, stop, stop. I've asked you

Speaker 2 for like five years to sit on a bucket and wash my balls.

Speaker 2 That guy's washing his balls on a bucket. I know.
I've asked you. The only reason this works with you guys is because your penises don't touch that bucket.

Speaker 2 Your balls don't touch that bucket. You're sitting on a bucket.
He's sitting wide butthole on that bucket. Look at those little.
That was me last night. Look at those little cock washers.

Speaker 2 And so, what? You pull up to it and you wash your penis there? Is that what those things are? It's not just a penis. Can I just finish what I was going to say?

Speaker 2 And then we can go back to it. I want to know what the cock washer is.
What is it? It's not a cock washer. Just stop, okay? Zoom in on that little cock washer.

Speaker 2 So, five years ago, Andrew,

Speaker 2 I keep saying, let's go to the Korean spa. I go every night.
You won't go. I know.
Right. And so if you had gone, if you go with me, that's what the shower, like the baths look like.

Speaker 2 Well, this isn't going to make me want to go. It's the best.
You get really, what you do is you get the little plastic stool, you sit down, then you see that bucket underneath him? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Sometimes it's a bigger bucket, but it's plastic. Right.
Right. And you get, you get a towel, you take the soap, right? And you, you know what I mean? You get the fucking sun's going.

Speaker 2 You cover the bucket with a towel? Why? You just sit raw ass on a fucking bucket? No, that's not the bucket he's in, the blue thing. There's a one right by this foot, right there, that white thing.

Speaker 2 He's sitting on a blue thing. Do you see that? Yeah, that's a seat.

Speaker 2 It's a plastic seat. But he's raw ass on it.
He's open raw ass. That's what you do on it.
No, I'm good. Okay, well, then you're not good.

Speaker 2 Why do I want to sit where some other guy's asshole was spread out washing?

Speaker 2 What I like to do is I like to spray it down a little bit. That's not going to do it.
Anyway, go ahead. I don't want to go.

Speaker 2 And by the way, then you stand up and your dick is in mirror. It's like a weird, it's just a weird, this is a weird sexual.

Speaker 2 It's not. I don't like it.
Those little cock washers, I don't like it. We have to do it.
Tell me something. You bathe sitting, this is what you do.
You take a shower sitting down.

Speaker 2 So what I do is I, so I think. Do you know how many people that are paralyzed that would dream about taking a standing up shower? That's like a.

Speaker 2 This is ableist. This is mocking the disabled.
And I won't stand for this kind of shit.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Thank you.

Speaker 2 Back to me.

Speaker 2 When I'm sitting there with a towel, with the suds, I get every piece of my body, I scrub, I scrub, right? And I take the, you know, there's a bucket, it's full of water, I rinse it, I do it again.

Speaker 2 Then I'll dump the bucket, put fresh water in it, put it over my body, right? It's more of a, it's kind of like a bath shower. It's a therapeutic bath.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and it's, you can turn to the guy next to you and go, how was your day? I don't want to.

Speaker 2 What did you golf today? I don't want to talk to someone.

Speaker 2 What did you golf today? I didn't golf today. How many golfers did you encounter there? No, I just talked about it.
Well, it's a great town, so it's a lot.

Speaker 2 Yeah, by the way, it's connected to a driving range.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, I was just saying it because I'm making it seem like he was next to me. I would never go.

Speaker 2 Here's me. Go ahead.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What'd you golf today? Hey, I'm washing my cock. Don't take me.

Speaker 2 Talk to me when I'm washing my balls. That's insane.
Yeah. I don't want to have a conversation while I'm washing my balls.
Although, there should be a rule. Last night, I was at the Wii Spa.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm in the Steam Room. It's packed for some reason.
There's a lot of black people last night, which I love.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you said it.

Speaker 2 I love it. Thank God for the steam.
I love it, right? So I'm like in the steam room. Then I see this tall Asian kid.
You just walk in there. He keeps tripping on black dicks.
Jesus Christ, holy shit.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Pick that up, will you? And this guy, and I have two rules.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you my two rules where I don't like being recognized?

Speaker 2 AA meetings.

Speaker 2 Okay. You're going to get recognized at AA meetings.
I know, but I don't like when they go. I'll say if they go after an AA meeting, I'm on the road.
Like, I just went to Portland.

Speaker 2 I went to an AA meeting. Yeah.
And people were like, hey, can I get a photo with you? And I go, not at AA meeting. I'll do it anywhere else but here.
Right. That's a private time.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because also it's like I'm like one of many.

Speaker 2 I don't get that. Okay, so

Speaker 2 Steam Room is another one. So last night I'm at WeSpa, right? And I see this tall Asian guy, probably young, early 20s.
And he's completely naked. And he goes, yo, like with his legs like this.

Speaker 2 He goes, yo, like this.

Speaker 2 Bobby Lee, like this, right?

Speaker 2 And I was like,

Speaker 2 it drives me nuts. They cut to, I'm taking a photo with him.
I don't know why. But I was like, all right, let's just do it real quick or whatever.
But like, my point is that those are two places.

Speaker 2 If you ever see me there, don't ask for a photo. But

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 it makes his life.

Speaker 2 Not when I'm naked in a steam room trying to relax.

Speaker 2 Well, oh, ah. So yes.
Oh, ah, haha. This is my point.
What? Why am I going to this place to do a cock washing here when I can go to a very comfortable private place? You're proving my point.

Speaker 2 Because when I go to a spa, when I go to a spa and I get a massage and I go to sit in the steam room, there's like one other person in there. Then I go in the hot tub, maybe one other guy.

Speaker 2 You know what we do? We go like this.

Speaker 2 That's it. Little head nod, little acknowledgement.
Then we don't say a fucking word to each other.

Speaker 2 Then I go in my little private stall and I wash my balls in my butthole with nice soap and I take a hot shower and then I go up to my room and I go lay down. Okay.
This is is what we're doing.

Speaker 2 And that version of a spa to me is the one I like. There's no one there and I don't have to talk to anybody.
I go there to get away from chit chat.

Speaker 2 You like the chit chat. No, I don't like the chat.
You're afraid to admit it, but you like to chit chat. I don't like the chit chat.
Your next special should be called chit chat.

Speaker 2 I don't like a chit chat. You do.
No, I don't. McCone even said it.
You come up to his family and you. So chit-chat.
Yeah, yeah. So here's what we're going to do.

Speaker 2 You see someone on the street and you. Here's a chit-chat.
I don't chit-chat. You're a little...

Speaker 2 Stop doing that. A little ching-chong chit-chat.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? A ching-chong chit-chat for the hit pat.

Speaker 2 Hyena. Shop it.
Fuck you. This is what we're going to do.
Carlos, that's not funny.

Speaker 2 That's not funny. That stuff.
This is what we're going to do. And I think it's going to be good for the show.
All go to the spa? No, the Wii Spa. Logo? Yes.
We all go as a team.

Speaker 2 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Right?

Speaker 2 Bring your baby. I'm going to Undra's spa.
No, no, no.

Speaker 2 And then we're going to do the Bugama room. They have Bulgogi in there.
No, not Bulgogi. No? No.
There's a room there called the Bulgama room at WeSpa. Look it up.
Oh, that's it. That's it.
That's it.

Speaker 2 That's the Bulgama room, okay? Yeah. So that's the Bulgama room.
It's 200, sometimes it's like 215 degrees. 206, it says.
Yeah, sometimes it's higher, right?

Speaker 2 It's very hot. So it's a sauna.
Yeah, it's a sauna. Yeah, white people just call it sauna.

Speaker 2 It's just a sauna.

Speaker 2 What's the degree of a sauna? Google it. What's the average degree of a sauna? Well, they have a dry silver.
It depends on where you go. Sometimes it's No, no, no.
I want to look at this.

Speaker 2 You're really, really, really, really, really, really.

Speaker 2 150, 175. Right.
So the Bulgama takes it to the next level.

Speaker 2 It's like, you know what I mean? What do you mean? It's not regular drinks. More sweat? Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I can smell more kimchi pouring out of your fucking mouth.

Speaker 2 God, you're being so negative right now. So basically, what I'm saying is you go in there, and most dudes walk in and they walk out, but not us.
We sit. We're going to sit.
Until someone dies.

Speaker 2 No, no one dies. No, no one dies.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the wee spell Bugama room, right? I'll go in that.
We will? Yeah. And you're fully closed.

Speaker 2 There's people doing hot yoga and all that stuff, right? No, no, no, no. People are doing yoga

Speaker 2 inside of there? Sometimes, yeah. Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 See, come to stop. I'll go sit down.
Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 I don't want to play that.

Speaker 2 And then look up the clay room.

Speaker 2 The clay room at Wee Spa. Because Ari and I went to the Russian spa in New York, and I fucking love it.
You got in the cold plunge. Do you do a cold plunge? Yeah, there's cold plunge here, too.

Speaker 2 You don't do it, though, do you? I do it every.

Speaker 2 Go there with me, and I'll show you the fucking my wise ways. Okay.
Yeah, wow. All right.
That's the clay room. Not going to that either.
Yeah, you are. Nope.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and we're going to do that same exact thing. How many bottles? All the bodies are going to be there.
I'm going to use my shoulder as a pillow. I wouldn't be like that.
Dude, look how relaxed.

Speaker 2 You and I lay there?

Speaker 2 I would do it for the photo. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's fun. So anyway, we go there, right? Clayroom.
Hey. Clayroom.
No. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Don't you think that'd be a fun thing to do as a group? Yeah.

Speaker 2 We're going to do it.

Speaker 2 Let's set a date now. Do it.
All right. Do it.
All right. Let's, you, can you guys do it Sunday during the day? Yeah.

Speaker 2 You have to bring your kid. Do it Sunday? This Sunday during the day.
Not this Sunday. I can't.
Well, then he's not going to do the movie. Yeah, I'm not doing the movie.
I'm available.

Speaker 2 How about this? How about the

Speaker 2 we'll do a family trip? Monday night. Okay.
Monday night, we do We Spa as a Family. I'll pay.

Speaker 2 And then we can vlog it or whatever for the Patreon. Well, we're not going to, they won't let us film in there, obviously.

Speaker 2 And we can film all the way up to when we get get naked, I think. Sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then it'll be a fun night, right? And then you, and I guarantee you, at the end of the night, we'll walk out of there and you're going to look me in the eyes and go, I get it.

Speaker 2 I get why you go there.

Speaker 2 I do. It's 24 hours.
I'm going to go to a spa. It's 24 hours.
It's not Russian. It's Korean.
It's 24-7. I like Russians.
It's 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We got it.
You're selling us on it.

Speaker 2 We've got to go now. There's a restaurant up there.
I'm not eating. After fucking staring at your cock for an hour and a half.
no not i'm not gonna be hungry i'll tell you that

Speaker 2 if anything it'll be for a small meal okay maybe appetizers let's move on then let people eat there shrimp yeah yeah look at the little hats anyway

Speaker 2 are they there yeah they are there asian women oh yeah naked no see that portion we all get dressed the third floor where the bugama room is and then the first half of the thing we go in the men's department yeah we get naked there and i'll get you a locker far away you don't have to look at my genitals no i've seen it a thousand times

Speaker 2 but you haven't seen it in the wild

Speaker 2 it's different it's different smaller more claws wow and things yeah yeah yeah you have to see in the wild yeah yeah bobby's dick anyway so next monday night we're gonna do a bogamaroom we spa experience right we'll go you're flipped on it we'll go and then anyway perfect days win vendors directed it and um

Speaker 2 i think it's gonna just i think it's greatly greatly gonna um

Speaker 2 redirect my life into a different area. That's what so the gardening.
Let's go back to the gardening. Yeah.
He gardens in it. Okay.
Yeah. Does he not? He has a little gardening in his little studio.

Speaker 2 And I, um, I went, I've always wanted to do that. Yeah, me too.
I just don't. Yeah, I don't.
And so I went and bought a catnip setup to start after watching the movie.

Speaker 2 And I've been watering it, watching it grow. And there's just something about watching something grow from the soil that really

Speaker 2 does it for me. I had a gardening thing at our old house that we had for a long time.
We grew a lot of stuff and ate it all the time, but then I just couldn't keep up with it.

Speaker 2 But it was like a mechanism. It was pods.
Have you seen these things before? Oh, yeah, I saw them online. Yeah, we had one at the house and it was incredible.
We had basil, we had

Speaker 2 lettuce, we had

Speaker 2 peppers. I don't remember what that thing is called.

Speaker 2 We got it gifted to us and we put it outside. The problem is

Speaker 2 it's circular. Hydro builder.
Is that what it was called? Let me look at the hydro. Let me look at the hydro builder.
Yeah, that's kind of what it was. It It wasn't this completely.

Speaker 2 I was thinking about getting one of those. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know which one it was, but it was kind of similar to that. But the problem is it's 360.
So it has to be placed in a place that all sides get sun, which is pretty tough. Very difficult.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Instead of being flat like a garden, so it gets direct overhead. It doesn't spin? No, they make ones

Speaker 2 that you can rotate, but it's because the base of that is filled with water. It's heavy as fuck.
Yeah. And what happens is it waters itself every 15 minutes, so you don't have to do anything.

Speaker 2 You just have to test the pH and make sure it's balanced.

Speaker 2 It was cool, but then I was like, this is not really gardening. This is cheap, city gardening.
So I want to do it the right way, but then I have to get pots.

Speaker 2 And are you just growing it in the front of your house, like in a, in like a little dirt spot? Yep. Yeah.
You got to build a box. You got to build boxes.
I'll build a box. Will you, really?

Speaker 2 I'd come over and do that with you. I'm only going to raise front.
That's my wee spot. We'll do some white people shit, like gardening.
But we're going to do both then.

Speaker 2 By the way, you know what movie I got caught in? Not movie, but series, and you're going to be over it. But on the plane ride just now from Dallas, TikTok dancing.
I watched

Speaker 2 four episodes of Long Strange Trip. Dude, I love that.
That's what got me back into the fucking great. It got me back in the great hotel.
Here's what's crazy. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like a couple years ago, because the guy who I play on, Dave, Mike, the real guy, him and I are friends, and he's a big fish fan. He, you know, likes this world a lot.

Speaker 2 And I said, hey, I started listening to the dead again. Like, I don't know why.
In high school, I liked it okay, but I I wasn't really here.

Speaker 2 And I started, and then I really started to kind of get into it a couple years ago again. And I watched this documentary to kind of validate why I like them because I didn't really understand.

Speaker 2 I was like, I just like their shit, I guess. But man, this goes so deep.
Bro. It goes so deep.

Speaker 2 And I don't know if deadheads are probably fucking, I don't know if they like it, if like real fans like it. They do.
I don't know.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why they do.

Speaker 2 May I tell you why I do? Well, please. In the late 80s, right, Omar and all my friends, they were all deadheads.
And they would still go to the shows back in the day, right?

Speaker 2 And I was a Velvet Underground guy. I was more like New York street.
I didn't like flower pops. You like grungy.
I like heroin, SNM kind of things. Dirtbags.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 There's a better way to say it.

Speaker 2 You like CBGB. Yeah, I like CBGB, the remote, that kind of thing, right? Dirty.
So I...

Speaker 2 Sorry. You're right.
Yeah, you like dirty.

Speaker 2 Dirty fingernails. So that's fine.
But these people people had dirty fingernail fans, too. Right, right.
So

Speaker 2 my whole life, I hated the fucking dead.

Speaker 2 What? Hated them. So not hatable.
Well, I'll tell you why. I don't like 45-minute jams and G minor.
When you're ripped, you do. I know you do.

Speaker 2 But it's like, I'm more like two, three-minute song, whatever, right? Right, right. So

Speaker 2 I don't know where I was, but I was with a bunch of like hippies, old hippies. And I was going, it was just,

Speaker 2 now I'm 52, right? And I'm like, yeah, fuck the dead. And like, did you see Long Strange Strip Strip on Amazon? And no, I will refuse, right? But then one guy was like, dude,

Speaker 2 I knew who it was.

Speaker 2 I knew who it was. It was J.H.
Harris, J.F. Harris.
J.F. The comic, yeah.
It was J.F. Harris.
We were with a bunch of hippies and him.

Speaker 2 And JF goes, dude, I was always like you, but then I saw that documentary and it changed my whole thing. Yeah.
And I go, are you sure? He's like, just watch it.

Speaker 2 And once I saw it, dude, I just started, that's all he listened to.

Speaker 2 It's incredible. Well, I think with something that he said, we related to Jerry, Jerry was, Jerry had said some things in it that I related to so much as a comic.

Speaker 2 He one time said, maybe Weir was quoting about him, but he had said that musicians have tricks. And I immediately thought of us.
I go, so do comics. We have tricks.

Speaker 2 And he goes, when you're live, there's tricks that you know gets them in the hand or does the thing.

Speaker 2 And without getting too deep into it, performers know what your tricks are that you can kind of get away with.

Speaker 2 And sometimes you do the tricks and you go, I don't even like that, but I know it's going to razz them up a little bit.

Speaker 2 You know what it is. I rely on mine so much.
Well, and that's fine.

Speaker 2 But Jerry said, once they learned how to do tricks, he realized how little he wanted to do them anymore. Because then he thought, everybody can do these tricks.

Speaker 2 That means he was saying, it's like in our reference, if you play a video game and once you beat it once, and someone else is talking to you about them trying to beat it, you know, when you're a kid and somebody's like, dude, and then do you know when you get to the castle?

Speaker 2 And in your head, you're like, I I already know this, and I already know what, where you have to go.

Speaker 2 And he was saying, Where do you go in the castle? You have to go down again. You have to go one more level down.
Yeah, you always have to go. And you know why you have to go down? Why? To get up.

Speaker 2 You got to get back up. Got to go down to get up.
To go down again. And so he, Jerry, was translating that tricks he fucking hated.

Speaker 2 And he was like, I don't give a fuck if the set suffers a little bit if we can find it more organically than us doing a trick to get back.

Speaker 2 And I thought, that's what all comics are striving to do: to wipe away your tricks

Speaker 2 and what? And take some fucking risks. And maybe a joke bombs.
And maybe a transition doesn't work as clean. But without the trick, you feel more real.
And it feels more.

Speaker 2 And when Jerry professed that, that's part of the reason I think the band became so prolific because they were like, no more tricks.

Speaker 2 We'll just keep working it till it's magic.

Speaker 2 What's wrong? Did I piss you off? No, he doesn't do the, he relies on the tricks. No, you don't.
That's not true. I do.
No, you don't. You just taught me.
No more tricks.

Speaker 2 No, you don't. What are you saying? No more tricks for me.
By the way, Jerry without a beard,

Speaker 2 not good. Not a great-looking guy without the beard.
Rest in peace. But, man, when you see some photos, you're like, the beard was good.

Speaker 2 Sometimes, like, a guy like me, if I shave my fucking beard, yeah, that different guy is a different guy. Yeah, yeah.
Like, me without a beard is not, I'm not, I do not like my face without a beard.

Speaker 2 I'm born, I am born with beard. Some people must have beard.
Carlos, must have beard.

Speaker 2 I've seen you without a beard must have beard thanks man yeah no dude you and i same face must have beard you don't need beard i can't that's your name american name don't need beard

Speaker 2 i must have beard yeah yeah yeah he must have beard but anyway that that documentary really kind of it changed me it brought me back to what i uh

Speaker 2 what what you're fucking you're laughing at me um what you're laughing at man just must have beard must have beard very funny joke i laugh at your joke gone other than i didn't say that when the ox fall down I really like them.

Speaker 2 And I'm a big John Mayer fan. And then listening to John do it is, I don't know, it's pretty cool.
With Dead and Company is actually pretty good. So I watched that on the way to Dallas.

Speaker 2 And I'm telling you, I validated why I like them. I was like, why do I like them? Right.
Yeah. I was like, right, yes, because they fucking, they're free.

Speaker 2 And they really are because the acid tests open up their

Speaker 2 range of freedom. And they just.
Also, we are, you know what I mean? They all stuck together for many, many years together.

Speaker 2 As long as they could until fucking, I think, unfortunately, the doc talks about how drugs just separated the fuck out of Pig Pen's death. We should do this all as long as we can.
Until we die.

Speaker 2 I will do this forever with you. And let's do more magic.

Speaker 2 Well, I've got some exciting news. Congratulations.
And I'm, well, it's actually for you. Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 I got a phone call from our agents saying, hey, we are probably going to have to add seats and shows for Australia for Deananda.

Speaker 2 Sold a good amount of tickets. So people are Australian fans coming to see us.
They're excited. So we're going to add add seats.
We're going to add shows. Go to badfriendspod.com.

Speaker 2 You can actually see all the tickets. And we're coming down to Sydney, Brisbane, Oakland, Melbourne, Idlaid, Pith.
By the way, this was a big point of contention.

Speaker 2 I said to my agent, Perth is on the western part of Australia. It's fucking forever away.
Australia is like America. Will we be able to stay in a couple of cities for a couple of days or no?

Speaker 2 We kind of can do it. It's going to shift around.
We can also stay longer over there. We have friends I want to hang out with and stuff.
Yeah, we can do it.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 I think we're going to add some seats in Sydney and all that stuff because they showed showed up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a five-hour flight from Sydney to Perth, it's across, it's huge, it's going across the root, it's a huge place, but but here's what boned us: we're going to Perth last, so we're going west, and then we got to go all the way back east, back to America.

Speaker 2 I always want to see a cane frog.

Speaker 2 You're going to see a cane frog, really, and we're going to go catch kangaroos.

Speaker 2 You know what the story of the cane frog? No,

Speaker 2 okay, we'll give it.

Speaker 2 I don't know either. No, I do.
No, what happened was um

Speaker 2 the cane frog is cane frog, look up cane frog, it's It's a 20-hour flight back home from Perth.

Speaker 2 So, you know, sugar cane trees

Speaker 2 plants? Yeah. Right? There was a bug that was like, you know, I mean, eating those up in Australia, attacking the crops.

Speaker 2 So they've shipped cane frogs over there because they thought that cane frogs would eat those bugs, but they couldn't jump high enough to eat, they could get the bug.

Speaker 2 And these fuckers fucking reproduce so fast, the whole fucking country is riddled with cane frogs. I mean, maybe I've seen them then when I I was out there.
Yeah, it's destroying things.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what we're fucking littered with is zicadas. Cicadas are disgusting.
I was back in, dude, when I was in Nashville, they're so loud that when you go out to the city. What is it, locust?

Speaker 2 No, a zicada. I've never heard of it.

Speaker 2 You don't know what a zicada is? Never even heard the sounding of the sounds I never heard. Oh my gosh.
Cicadas. Cicada with a C.
Do you guys not know what a cicada is? Yeah, it is. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Carlos, do you not know what a cicada is?

Speaker 2 These things go underground, Bob. They bury themselves for how long? Is it a decade? Is it 10 years? Every 10 years, they resurface and they infest parts of the country and they're

Speaker 2 my lord. Think about how creepy that is, Bob.
Underneath you right now,

Speaker 2 there's a billion different versions of this burrowing beneath our feet. Holy shit.
Creating an infrastructure and a system. It's insane, dude.
Chit-chat. Just chit-chat.

Speaker 2 Periodical cicadas are insects that spend most of their lives on the ground, feeding off the sap of tree roots underground. Underground, yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 2 Every 17 years. You can't tell me this doesn't mean something.
This is like, you know, you remember when they thought that, like,

Speaker 2 you know, like in the Bible, it says raining locusts and all that bullshit. It was just this.
It's just this. We're just seeing it differently.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend.