We Are Betas

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I know, you call me from the stage. And I said, I really miss you bad.
I know. But I had so much phoenix and they were chanting for you yeah and uh how did jesse do not good i know no she did great oh i mean she's great i mean she did so good i just agree with you she did so good because you're an honest guy you know we had a great host it was great jackie we had so much fun man phoenix was incredible it's a nice club it's a great club then i go to nashville dude this weekend yeah i got nothing i got nothing until september but my point being

is what's going on in september aren't you doing aren't you doing the thing with uh segura i'm

doing secure and kreischer oh wow i'm doing that i'm doing that um um fattapalooza thing yeah

welcome back to fattapalooza how much can you eat drink and fart out yeah but you know i i want to

Thank you. um fattapalooza thing yeah welcome back to fattapalooza how much can you eat drink and fart out yeah but you know i i want to say that you know i believe that things happen for a reason and you run into people for a reason do you agree or no yeah and like uh things are kismet or meet cute like a meet cute meet cute you think we met on a meet cute oh yeah yeah i do yeah um what's funny.
i don't even want to meet cute i've never heard of that meet cute meet cute meet cute meet cute i have an uncle named yeah meet cute he does nails he does nails yeah meet kit um you want jail i don't i think that i know i think that you know it was just inevitable that we would meet but in terms of like being you know partners for this project was me cute it was me yeah and um anyway so yesterday universal energies universal energy so sunday i was mark norman told me to come down and do his podcast at the store hey come on down buddy yeah and i came down whitney was on a bunch of people i met joe list for the first time, yeah Yeah He's the best Funny guy All those dudes are great Super funny I did good Hey, man Come down And I just kind of walked off You know how I do Yeah, you leave Yeah, yeah You know, like Elvis Bobby has left the building You think it's like Elvis? Whatever You think you're like Elvis? Because you cut your hair short now You're kind it is. I am.
You're a hunk of burning love.

No, I don't have his looks, but I think I have his energy, you know?

Do you do it?

No, you do. I don't like that laugh.

No, no, you do.

Yeah.

Do I have Elvis's energy?

No?

Okay.

Chinese Elvis.

Chinese...

Anyway, we've done it.

But I was leaving.

Yeah.

I was leaving.

And then I from the cure oh yeah yeah um just a little pale face pale face yeah and i go it was sunny too so it was during the day and then i i looked at him and he go and i recognized him and i go i've seen him online you know yeah and he goes i'm a big fan of you dude or whatever and i is he deaf i don't know that's how he sounds okay yeah yeah and then um we had a little conversation on the patio we exchanged numbers and now he's here You gave him your real number I did And here he is Yeah Say hi bud It's all now I talk Yeah What's wrong with you What's going on What's going on I love you so much Dude you're so good Is there something about you You know Can I say something about you dude Yeah Yeah yeah yeah There's a sadness about you And an anger i was thinking more hate and anger more than sad i'm not a sad guy you're not a sad guy no oh you're happy happy but angry we had an interesting conversation though you and i did we not very interesting yeah was i nice a nice guy i'm a nice guy small what do you mean because i thought you were gonna be a little bit bigger yeah yeah well okay um but is it like unnaturally small what do you mean oh like it's not natural how small you are but you know am i dwarf like um not that being a dwarf being a dwarf is natural yeah i think you're a little a little bit taller just a just a just a little bit taller than a dwarf. You wouldn't categorize me if you were a doctor you wouldn't be like I right above the the line.
Great. That means you know what that means I can get on the rides.
Can he? I have a lot of you guys at Universal. Yeah.
They made a whole theme park for you guys. What's you guys mean? Oh you know what I mean but'm no no no I don't know what you mean what do you no no no what do you Matan I know you're a kid alright so I I want to be gentle with you yeah look at me right now look at me right now no don't do that Matan are you talking about Harry Potter town is that what you're talking aboutter oh little tokyo no the little minions oh oh let me ask you because they're yellow now he's doing your material oh he does that he says that he says that joke before yeah i've said it before Matan, where are you from? Oh, I'm from Los Angeles Oh yeah

We're talking the valley, right, baby? Oh, yeah. I was born in Encino.
And now you live in Tarzana? No, now I live in Encino. Okay, good.
Yeah, so still Encino. Yeah.
You're a senior in high school coming up? Yeah, right now I'm the 11th grade. I don't know which one that one's called.
That's a junior. It's a junior.
Yeah. But you're homeschooled.
No, I went to school, but now I'm just doing online because I had to leave. Why? Some problems with the teachers, just problems.
You had problems or they had problems? I was, well, it was mutual, I guess. Yeah, it does seem mutual.
Yeah. There's no way that's a one-way street.
Yeah. But you know what? Who needs school? No, I mean, it's popping a little bit.
I've seen it. Yeah, it's very popular.
It's popping a little bit, you know? You're very aggressive on your podcast. You yell at people.
No, I'm not aggressive. You go, fat fuck.
Oh, that was my producer, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He died, actually, on the stairs. He what? We fell down the stairs after that.
You did? We said it in the thing.

It was we had a funeral for him.

You're killing it, bud.

Killing it, kid.

You met Dan Schneider?

Oh, almost.

I had one of his clients on.

Wow.

Whoa.

So that's pretty good.

Yeah.

Maybe by transference, you picked up some of that.

Yeah.

How do you feel about the liver king?

The liver king?

Yeah.

I think he's alpha.

Yeah, he is alpha. He's alpha.
Yeah. High you a real man you i know what you are what you're not alpha no i'm alpha i'm a real man no no you're not how much do you weigh like maybe close to 130 is my guess that's a real man right there man because he's real man, because he's pure.
Pure man. Pure brain and muscle.

How old are you?

I'm 17 right now.

I just turned 17.

Whoa.

Yeah, congrats.

What are your dreams, your goals, your hopes?

Real quick, I got you guys a gift.

All right, go, go, go.

Yeah, give me the gift.

Go give me the gift.

How exciting.

This guy's, oh, wow.

Wow.

Is that an M44, M4468? Vacuum. Oh, yeah.
That's a model. I got you a gift as well.
Oh, shit. Thank you.
Oh, this is my specific gift. Oh, yeah.
Okay, cool. Whoa.
Whoa. Who's that signed by? That's signed by me, but it's a poster of the Beatles.
Yeah, wow. That signature i've always wanted one of these yeah we just do you know the 7-eleven by the baskin robbins yeah yeah yeah so i bought that there it was 10 it was 10 dollars and the sharp was two dollars yeah how much was this i don't even i don't think i paid.
Does it work? I believe it makes a funny noise when you turn it off.

Yeah, but you don't think it works. No, it works, but it's

like half broken. Well, let's hear it.

Let's see if it works.

It's funny to watch

McCone. Did you sign it, though?

No, I signed the bill. I'd prefer you to sign

the vacuum as well. You want me to sign the vacuum?

Yeah, please. I can do it after, but

just don't sell it because it's going to...

Unless you can give me some of the money. Now, where did you get it?

Is this something that runs in the family? Are you guys

Thank you. the vacuum as well.
You want me to sign the vacuum? Yeah, please. I can do it after, but just don't sell it because it's going to...
Unless you can give me

some of the money.

Now, where did you get it?

Is this something

that runs in the family?

Are you guys cleaners?

No, that's one of the...

You know how sometimes people...

Yeah.

Oh, it sounds great.

Dude, it works.

Yeah, it's good.

Yeah, it's good.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

That's very nice.

Happy birthday.

Yeah.

Okay, but you know,

honestly, I thought it was broken.

I was kind of...

I'm a little mad about it.

But since it works,

what a great gift. A vacuum that works? Thank you.
Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap. Yeah, wow.
Pull your hair back like you just did again and hold it like that. Now look at Bob.
No, hold your hands on your head. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, because you want my eyes too. No, no, no.
Hold your hair back. We're not doing that.
Pull your hair back and hold it tight like that. I love it.
What do you see? Anne Hathaway. Yeah.
Anne Hathaway? Yeah. Beautiful.
Yeah, beautiful. Who is that? A little Isla Fisher in there? A little Isla Fisher in there.
Yeah, gorgeous. I mean, dude, let me...
Matan, I mean, I don't know if this... Is this against...
Because he's 17? I'm just saying that if you transitioned... Oh, no.
No. Oh, because if you say it three times, it'll happen.
You can't do that. Oh, right.
We've already said it twice. Yeah because if you say it three times it'll happen you can't do that we've already said it twice yeah if you transition no that's two be careful because you might have to it would go pretty well for you if you want no no you have good jawline no no i'm not not one of those you are a pretty girl yeah you are pretty you would be a pretty girl you're a pretty boy but you're i don't want to talk about it because every time I get into that conversation, people get mad for what I'm saying.
Why? We're not going to talk about it. Why don't we talk about it? Yeah.
Talk about what? What? That you'd be a pretty girl? Yeah. You're a pretty girl.
You would be. Look at your little chin.
Look at your little cheeks. Look at his cute cheeks.
Yeah. You have cute cheeks.
The shit. You know, I know.
Oh, the Jewish thing. I know who you look like.

Joan of Arc.

Little Joan.

Little Joan.

She was Jewish, wasn't she?

That's the guy in the Bible?

Yeah.

There you are.

That really does look similar. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's pretty close.

She was a warrior.

Well, now you know where you are for Halloween, bud. She's not a not a real man that's why she has a lot of hate in her heart oh i thought you said you have hate in your heart yeah but if you have hate in your heart but it's the wrong hate you're not a real man so what's the real hate oh just hating oh no never mind no no no no no don't never mind it look at me matan look at me Matan Everything's fine

I love you No, no. No, don't never mind it.
Look at me. Matan, look at me.

Matan, everything's fine.

I love you.

Yeah.

Yeah?

No, he can't say that.

Well, I'm not going to say that.

What kind of alpha are you?

Like a push-up alpha?

Are you the guy that goes to the gym?

No, no, I don't go to the gym.

But just not like a strong alpha.

That's a different one.

You can do double, but... I know what.

What?

You're like Lex Luthor. Lex Luthor? Yeah.
No, I want to be like Ben Shapiro. Right.
Right. Oh, yeah.
I don't know if he would be considered alpha. Oh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No. You don't think so? No.
I don't think, but maybe. I think you're more like Alex Jones.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, you like that guy.
I went on there a couple times. I know know you saw that's incredible it's incredible i was 12.
how do people feel in high school about bobby lee like high school people think he's funny i never heard him right yeah there's not much conversation yeah okay but didn't you hi didn't you didn't you go you came oh no i know you okay that's because i'm like in this space i only knew you after high school right oh outside of high school yeah well no no not outside of high school i'm saying i knew you since i left oh since you left okay okay how long has that been about a year a little over a year good good so anyway what i wanted to ask you what i'm going to tell you is that we went through a list of things yeah and you know at the end of our conversation we no no stop this is manipulated no no we surmise that you were a full-blown liberal oh no no shit does that hurt your feelings because it's not it's true 100 is true we can over... No, we don't have to go over it right now.
I'm just letting you know that we've... I did a list and you don't subscribe to any Republican.
Oh, yes, I do. Like what? I'm pro-gun.
No, you're not. I'm anti-abortion.
You're not pro-gun. You're not anti-abortion.
You didn't say that! No, because I... You didn't say that, son.
Let me tell you, he didn Sunday. No, no.
How about... I'll tell you what he said.
How about gay marriage? No. Yup.
No. Where's your brother? Well, listen, he doesn't go on camera.
It doesn't matter. Anyway, he can defend...
I'm not... Just don't.
Just let him defend himself. Because listen, because we were at that place and all...
I could tell that it was just a lot of other people like that, unfortunately. So I want to hurt any feelings so I was just trying to the comedy store yeah a lot you know what I mean but we were outside the LPGQ fucking Mecca you know what I mean what are you talking about so other principles like what makes you more Republican you think what do you eat for breakfast? Two waffle and chocolate milk.

Sounds pretty liberal to me, bud.

No.

Yeah.

A Republican would eat eggs and steak.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No.

That's dinner.

That's dinner time.

Dinner?

What do you mean?

Dinner?

Republicans don't eat dinner, dude.

We're out there plotting and scheming.

Oh, you're a Republican?

Come on, man.

Come on, bud.

You know what I mean?

Bud, come on.

Because I know you're a liberal.

You told me. This is a Republican show.

This is a hardcore Republican show.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's why you're a liberal. You told me.
This is a Republican show. This is a hardcore show.
Awesome. Yeah.
Yeah. That's why you fit in.
Great. Yeah.
Should the government increase or decrease military spending? What do you think? All the way up. Increase it.
I want it to go to like five trillion a year. We're there.
All right. Should the U.S.
remain in the United Nations? No. No.
Okay. Why? Should foreign- Wait, wait, wait.
Why? Oh, we're doing a liberal test? Yeah a liberal test Look at me right now, why? Why what? Why should we get out of the US Because that one is made so Like a real liberal, he doesn't know what the fuck it even says Shut the fuck up Should we remain in the United Nations? Why? Why no? Because the United Nations is made for the peace and all that, but if we leave, then we can start to maneuver on other countries. That's right.
Whoa. Should foreign terrorism suspects be given constitutional rights? No.
No, lock them up, throw away the key. Kill them right away, kill them right away.
Gone straight away. Are you a fan of Guantanamo? Which one is that? Yeah.
It's over there by Encino. Oh, it's in Encino? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It goes Tarzana, Encino, Guantanamo. Yeah.
Maybe I've been over there on accident. Maybe I passed by on the way.
Yeah, there's a really good coffee bean there. Oh, it is so good.
Yeah, it's like the first one, I think. How many white BMWs are in your driveway right now? Oh, no, I'm not Armenian, but there's a lot of clues.
Great question, dude. Thank you.
Dude, great question, dude. Should welfare recipients be tested for drugs?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, why do you want to find out that they're on drugs?

Because I want to go, I wanted to tell me I'm a Republican.

Right.

Right.

That's good.

Okay.

You're like Middle Eastern Trump.

Should the technology of our financial system transition to a decentralized protocol that's not owned or controlled by any corporation similar to the internet?

Don't understand.

I understand.

That's my, yeah, I figured that one.

We'll skip after that.

Should the US raise taxes on the rich? No, I want it to go down. Way down.
Only for the rich though. No, but the rich, they work for their money.
That's why. Wow.
That's right. When I have a lot of money, I don't want to be taxed.
Should the government continue to fund Planned Parenthood? No. No, right.
You want to shut it down. I want to put them in jail.
Right. Oh, God.
What's your stance on abortion? We already know that you're pro-life. I already said it earlier.
Okay, can I stop for a second, okay? May I stop for a second? Sunday, he said, I go, gay marriage. He goes, yeah.
No, that's a lie. That's not true.
Look at me right now, dude. Didn't happen.
Matan, look at me right now. So one of you guys is lying, it seems like.
Number two, I go,

I asked you about the border.

And I said I want to be a couple more. He goes, I like

Mexicans. No, I didn't.
Yeah, you did.

You said I like Mexicans.

Did you not say you like Mexicans? I said we needed more white

babies. Okay, no, you did it.

No, you didn't. Yes, I did.
No, you didn't. No, you didn't, right?

He does have a point.

I asked you about guns, right? I said I want an automatic toy. No, you go, you know go.
I said I want an automatic. This is what he said.
Can I just, may I talk now? I love you, dude. Thanks for coming.
Look at me. You're making me angry.
I know, I know. I'm on my name.
This is what he said, okay? He goes, well, you know, a lot of these school shootings are with, you know what I mean, AK-47, so we should get rid of those. Oh, you want to know what my, not to interrupt you, but I have a solution for that without taking away the guns.
What? Do you think a school shooter is able with the gun, whatever? It doesn't matter what gun. Let's say he has an automatic.
It doesn't even matter. Do you think he can take down one guard, like police dog? Listen, but can he do it? Wait, wait, wait, stop.
Can he shoot a dog? I didn't even understand. One of those school guys versus one trained dog.
Can he take him down? Yes or no? Well, with a gun, yeah. Okay, what about five? Yeah.
Ten? He's getting a little closer now, right? Yeah, ten is getting a little shaky. Okay, what about a hundred? A hundred, no chance.
Okay, so what if we do a hundred of those dogs per classroom, per school? A hundred dogs per classroom, per school. And then there's no need to take away the guys.
So you're talking about, what are we talking? In a classroom, in a school, you're talking 40 classrooms? Yeah, somewhere like that. Well, let's double down.
How about some lions? Well, they're not, I don't think there's enough of that. Well, they're not trained or legal.
He's proposing something legal. Oh, that's not my bad.
That does me. There's guard dogs for each student in the school.
And then every- This is the problem, dude. no you know what's a lot of money that's their issue but what we need to do they're gonna be no to they're gonna know to attack when there's a loud noise they're gonna just start going crazy and get whoever they can get so they're just gonna eat the kids as well no no just whoever so you're gonna lose some of the kids.
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I thought you were gay.

Oh!

Oh, yeah.

And you were like...

Look, I picked the blue chair, not the pink.

Smart.

That's smart.

He asked me, that other Asian guy asked me,

he said, do you want to sit in the blue chair?

I said, blue.

Does your family play chess in the fucking park in Griffith Park?

What Asian? What other

Asian? What Asian? That guy?

That guy's Mexican.

You think that guy's Asian?

Yeah, that guy's Mexican. That guy's Mexican.
No, he's not.

Yeah, he's from Mexico City. I don't believe that.

He's been my friend for

30 years.

See, that didn't sound real.

Well, no, he's a gay Mexican. I know, that's double down for you.
You ask him to move a little back. He's uncomfortable.
You move back to Mexico? That would be preferable, but fortunately. What do you think, Juan? Juan.
No, no. Okay, that's fine.
John? I mean, the amount of weed that he must have smoked today. Do you smoke a lot of weed? A little.
Yeah, a little. A lot-o.
Okay, well, fine. Guy, you do what you do.
We're just a fan of yours. They don't have water at homeschool? Do you know how to work that yeah I got it open it just took me a second okay well take a drink out of it oh no no we'd love to see you drink but I don't what if you guys put something in it because you just said something funny you just cracked the seal you just saw the seal crack open I just want to make sure you're not a narc okay I'll take a sip take a sip take a sip don't hide it don't hide it oh it tastes really good did he have a sip yeah i think i got a little it looked like he had a yeah oh yeah look i really took a sip yeah that's a good bit dude you have painted nails yeah and you saw that sunday and you and you complimented a sunday you are you're no no you're complimenting go go fuck yourself hey kid go fuck yourself you know look at the youtube go back to my youtube and go down look i want to show you that i'm not kidding around about that that's that's horrible about what's horrible painted nails i kicked somebody out of my podcast for that but he was a little more feminine than you you.
That's why. Here, go down a little bit.
Yeah, there he is. Look, the one with the fire.
You see? Yeah. I got him out.
Why? Because he painted his nails. Okay.
And what is that? Oh, he was painting his nails while he was shooting? No, I just realized in the middle of the podcast, he painted his nails and I told him okay yeah because it was it's feminine because it's beta yeah all right so watch i'm doing it are you getting rid of it no i'm paying it and what would you say oh if i saw this no let's act oh hypothetical do you see me painting my nails actually no This is a fucking bit Okay let me try Alright Do dee do Do dee do dee do dee do

Do Do you see me painting my nails actually? No, this is a fucking bit. Okay, let me try.
All right. Do-dee-doo.
Do-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo. Do-dee-doo.
Do-dee-doo. Do-dee-doo.
You're calling the cops? Yeah. I was trying to get to the numbers.
It's not illegal anymore, man. It's not illegal? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not anymore. No, what would you...
I want you to yell at me. No, I wouldn't confront you myself.
I would take a picture of you or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then I would have somebody find you later that day. Whoa.
Can we do a version of this? Whoa. Whoa.
Can we do a version of this where you do yell? What would you have somebody find him and do? Like have his nail pit and polish the mover? No, just say hello. Take it off? Yeah.
Catch him a little bit. Just like not a happy touch.
Just say hello to him. Just make sure everything's okay with him.
Yeah. Yeah.
God, man, those Israeli soldiers are wild. They're wild.
I know they're wild. Oh, no.
Don't associate me with that stuff. Oh, that's right.
Sorry about that. That's what you said Sunday.
But anyway. No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You, you.
What did I say on Sunday about that? You love Israel. No.
Yeah, yeah. Hold up.
Hold up. Hold up.
That's not what I said. Yeah, you, you.
You told me. Yeah, you did.
No, you told me you love Israel. I said that.
I did not say that. I said, no.
I told you that I... Haram, haram.
I said, hey, listen. Haram, bar haram.
I said, I'm not... Am I speaking something? Yeah.
I'm speaking in tongues right now. Haram, bar haram.
You're telling me that I'm not kosher. You're kosher.
You're telling me I'm not... You are not.
I'm not... I'm haram? Haram.
Oh, so I'm saying you're bad. I'm bad.
You're bad. Well, you don't even know.
I realize what you're saying. Was haram a real word? Yeah, in Arabic.
Fuck yeah, see? Yeah, good. I speak in tongues, bro.
You're good with Arabic. You've always been good.
Wait, wait, wait. Forbidden.
Haram means it's forbidden or unlawful. Yeah, it's like bad.
I'm trying to transfer my speaking tongue but he's not doing it habibi very good bb habibi habibi habibi means my love habibi means my love no but listen i'm no longer israeli i'm a born i'm a born again armenian just so you know god bless you were telling me sunday about like you're saving yourself until you get married? Oh yeah. Yeah.
That's nice. That'll be a while.
Old school. Yeah.
It'll be wild you think? Huh? It'll be wild huh? It's possible yeah. So you've never had a girlfriend? No.
Okay. Have you ever had girls that are friends? No.
No. Not really.
I try to stay away from them. Right.
Well that would make it tougher to have a girlfriend then too. Yeah.
Oh another thing you were saying. What's your idea of a perfect date if you're going to take a girl on a date? A romantic date? No, no, no.
Just a purely platonic date with a woman. A platonic date? With a woman, yeah.
I wouldn't do it platonic date. Right.
So give me the romantic one. Oh, I don't know.
I never thought about it. Okay, here, Matan.
Like Buffalo Wild Wings? Matan, check this out, all right? I know you don't like to play in a scenario yeah i know but we're gonna do it right now okay okay so i'm just curious to see how you would pick up on a girl so let's suppose you're at the glendale mall galleria you love it there right a lot of my people new people are over there yeah yeah yeah right and so i'm over at the sephora you see me i'm gonna just play this scenario and i'm like i'm i'm getting makeup right and you think and you want are you a man or a woman i'm a woman dude i'm a beautiful woman dude look at him hi see hi what are you doing so he gets nervous so i want you to act and i'll see what you would say, okay? Are you ready? Beautiful woman. Beautiful woman.
Okay, so not Bobby Lee. No, I'm Lucy Liu.
Oh, no, I wouldn't go up. Sandra Oh.
This just sounds like Asian people. I'm sorry.
Oh, you don't like Asians. All right, man.
Olivia Munn. She's half of you.
I don't know. Just give it.
It doesn't matter. I won't go.
Margot Robbie. Look, it's Margot Robbie.
Whatever. Sure.

I'm Margot Robbie.

Is that how she sounds?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Pretty accurate.

Pretty accurate, right?

Hey, this is.

Go ahead.

Let's see what you would say.

Oh, I'm trying to.

What am I doing?

You're trying to ask me out on a fucking date, man.

I wouldn't ask Bobby Lial.

No, you're. No.

I am Margot Robbie in this scene. Oh, so there's Margot Robbie there? I am.
So why. I'm Margot Robbie in this scene.

Oh, so there's Margot Robbie there?

I am.

So why are you the Margot Robbie?

Because I'm acting.

But why not him or the other Asian guy?

No, no, because they're not on the show.

Matan, just do it.

Oh, just interact with your hypothetical?

Yeah, yeah, hypothetical.

This is, I'm Margot Robbie.

But what am I trying to do?

Ask me on a date

Do I know that it's a celebrity or no?

Yeah

You know who she is

Also but

Okay let me think

Because then I'm going to approach it differently

Okay good good

Don't think too much

Don't think too much

Just

Instinct

Hello what's your name?

It's a good start

Very good start

You can't laugh at this

I'm trying to

I'm Margot

I'm Margot Robbie Oh the the celebrity wow wow what the fuck that was crazy what are you doing sir i think maybe he had a muscle twig yeah yeah sir what was that why are you coming your face what's wrong with well he's embarrassed about how he just acted yeah yeah okay i, yeah. Okay, I'll see you.

My eyes hurt a little bit. Okay, okay.

I mean.

That's what love feels like, bud.

No, you missed the point of what I did.

You wouldn't be talking anymore.

Elbow.

Oh, let's get over again.

I don't know, all right?

Okay.

Hello, what's your name?

Margot.

Oh, shit.

Whoa.

Whoa, dude.

Well, yeah, maybe. Oh, wow.
What are you doing? Dragging your legs? Yeah. He's going to cry.
It's emotional. Are you crying? Yeah, I felt really bad.
All right. Water break.
Yeah, put some more of that water on your jacket. You know, maybe you and I should talk for a bit.
Let him... Yeah, well, we can...
Let's have him plug something and we can... He's here to something right no oh i'm doing a promo yeah oh yeah i'm sponsored on this podcast do your promo yeah do it i'm not understand i don't have a sponsor though i think you do i have a sponsorship no listen you just broke the table no how the fuck do you did i? Did I really? No.
Yeah, it's been broken.

Yeah, how the fuck?

Are you making money off of YouTube?

No, I sell a course.

I guess that would be my promo.

You can buy my course.

I'm going to teach you a lot of stuff,

how to get girls, make money.

Okay.

Teach you all different stuff.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

Well, those who can't.

You can make a lot of money with my course. Oh, you can.
But you don't make a lot of money, but other people can. If they go to your course.
Really, it's only me. You're the only one? Yeah.
That's signing up for your own course? No, I'm the only, they're not making money. They're not making money.
Okay, so you make all the money from them. No, because- How much does it cost to join the course? Because I'm telling them, you can't hear the mic, right? No, we can't hear it.
I can't hear it. But I'm telling them that if they join the course, they're going to make money, and then the course tells them that they need to start a course with my affiliate link.
Right. How much? Oh, that's genius.
To join, it costs like $100. $100? Oh, anybody can join my course for $100.
But also, can I just say something? Yeah. can't hear me okay okay they can't hear you no they can't hear you all right so what i'm saying is just you know sunday when we're talking you're liberal right no i'm not anyway anyway um so what i was gonna say is that you know so you tell them to to teach a course but you get 10% of what they do, right? So it's a pyramid.

Oh, no.

Well, yeah, actually.

Yeah, yeah, actually.

That's the way to make money.

Oh, no, but not a pyramid.

I let them start other courses.

I know, but you're...

On the mic.

I know.

Okay.

But what I'm saying is that you still...

When they're teaching other courses, you just get a percentage of their course.

Not 10%, more than that.

Well, 25%, whatever it is. 20, whatever.
What am I doing? Oh, okay, 30%, 30%. That's fair.
Not 80, that's insane. But that's what I'm charging them.
Okay. Go back, take your mic off now because we're ever going to hear you.
I think I'm going to get out of here. Why? I was just thinking about tomorrow.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on tomorrow? I want to know about the course.
Oh, you want to know about my course? I want to know about the course. What about it? That's smart.
Yeah. As a salesman, that's smart.
You make me dig to find out. I like that.
Try selling you the course? Yeah, sell me the course. How much money do you make? I make $22,000 a year.
$22,000 a year? Yeah. Are we interacting with you or is it just a random person? Either way, man, take the ball and run with it.
I make $22,000 a year. Oh, that's not a lot of are we interacting with you or you is it just a random person either way man take the ball and run with it i make twenty two thousand dollars a year oh that's not a lot of money how are you affording rent well i mean i'm barely getting by but my my my wife makes a pretty fair amount of money and she does also the wife is making more money than you you're a beta and if you don't want to be a beta then i'm going to help you but if you want to continue with the wife excuse me i'm his wife yeah that's that's really i'm not gonna speak to her i'm not gonna speak to her don't put your hand in front of my face okay thank you i'm not listening to women about business all right so whoa wow wow wow wow wow take your fucking i'm a fucking judge hold on hey babe i'm a judge babe babe babe babe babe babe babe will you too? Well, it's kind of helping.
So listen, how do we get-

Like this.

How do I make enough money to leave this fucking bitch?

Sorry.

But you need to join my course.

How do I make enough money to leave this fucking bitch?

I'm going to teach you multiple different ways.

I'm going to teach you crypto trading.

We already do crypto trading.

We do crypto-

Hey, you fucking kid, moron.

We do-

Babe. Where'd you go? Baby.
Where'd he go Hey, you fucking kid. Moron.
We do. Babe.

Where'd you go?

Baby.

Where'd he go?

Where'd he go?

Baby love.

Yeah.

He's gone.

He's gone.

Okay.

That's why you're not.

Oh, there he is.

That's why you're not making any money to crypto because your wife is involved.

So I got to get her out of my life.

Is she telling you which ones to buy and sell?

She always has.

Yeah.

That's why you're losing because it's a woman doesn't know when it's going to go up and down. The man knows.
Only men can know that kind of stuff. Only alpha men.
And you're right now a beta so you would lose money anyways. Okay, can I just say something right now? I can still see you with your hand in front.
I can see you. Okay, I'm just going to let you know.
So anyway, I own our house, right honey? Honey, do I own our house? Yeah, she does. Yo, our house is $12.5 million in Beverly Hills, dollars in beverly hills okay this guy makes 20 000 a month yeah right no no but he's got a great dick okay and i like to fuck his dick thank you baby yeah you're welcome all right what do you think about that i just want to say this at least you live at home with your parents no i live in no you don't you do you live at home with your parents with your brother no 12.6 million mansion in Beverly Hills.
Oh, it's bigger than mine? By the point, yeah. What's the address? The address? Yeah, what's the address? Yeah, what's the address? Well, you go there every day.
You must know. Beverly Hills.
Oh, that's the address. Oh, but I'm not going to give you my address.
The Pacific. I don't want to.
Well, what if we just want to send you like a card in the mail? Yeah, but I don't want a woman involved with the mail. That's going to end really bad.
Yeah. Yeah, women shouldn't touch mail.
I've said that for years. That's insane.
No, I've said that. What you're saying is insane.
What I'm saying is insane? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's because I'm writing.
Do you love your mother? Yeah, but she doesn't get involved with business. Do you love your mother? Yeah.
You respect her? Yeah. Respect women.
If they know the place.

She doesn't get involved with the business in the house.

Right.

What about outside the house?

What do you mean?

She's not going to go outside the house to do business.

Is she allowed outside of the house?

Well, that's not up to me.

Who's it up to?

Well, no, that's up.

No, no, no.

Not up to God?

God?

God?

No, because she's in jail right now, but regardless. God is in fucking jail? No, no.
My mother is in jail right now. What did she do? Really? Yeah.
What did she do? So that would be up to the police. What did she do? What she do? Yeah.
I don't think I can say it. Am I allowed? Yeah, you are.
Because it was a really nasty felony. Why don't you take a look at one of your attorneys up there? They might tell you if you're allowed to say it.
Yeah, you're good, man. There you go.
Oh, they're allowed? Yeah, you're good. Okay, well, she was going to give me a car.
She tried to steal it. No, I mentioned it earlier.
I had my body going to give me a car so I can learn to drive. Unfortunately, they got her.
Hmm. Grand Theft Auto.
No, no, no Grand Theft Auto. That's what they claim, but she didn't do it.
Yeah, Yeah I know How did she get the car then?

She was in it for a little And then they

I mean

Going like 105 on the freeway

That's why I didn't want her to drive in the first place

How big is the bed that you sleep in?

Is it a twin?

I bet you it's a single

It's not a king

It's a single?

Single yeah

Like one of those race car beds

Who tucks your sheets?

Your mom tucks your sheets at night?

She's in jail

No she's not

She's not

Because you talk to how much you love your mother

Yeah I think you love your mommy. Yeah, yeah.
And I love your father. I think you love your mommy and your papa.
Yeah, I do. You do.
And I bet your mother, she does your laundry and she makes your bed. She used to, but now it's jail.
And you come home. See, but you're describing a woman's role in the house.
Every night. You're describing a woman's role in the household.
See, you were doing it subconsciously. I caught you there.
You said you love your mother. She does the laundry and the dishes and tucks you in the bed.
So you just described what a woman's supposed to do. He just got me, dude.
He got you good. Oh, fuck.
You deep down are able to become alpha. But you...
Oh, I'm not alpha? Right now, if you... What would you describe me as? Beta.
Yeah, yeah better you think i'm a bitch yeah basically yeah it's unfortunate you had potential you ever had a 17 year old call you a little bitch no i didn't i'll be honest with you no and it fucking it hurt me so angry it makes me feel fucking this isn't no it doesn't do anything yeah I think we figured that out yeah yeah

drinking

yeah yeah

no I took a sip

he's safe

and I'm watching

hey hey dude

you're a bitch too

whoa whoa whoa whoa

but that doesn't mean anything

yeah that's true

why because I'm a beta saying it

yeah

okay

an alpha calls you a bitch

then it hurts huh

oh if well

they won't do it

hmm

why is that

because they know not to say

to a different alpha

alpha can't do that

to another alpha

they have mutual respect

listen kid

in a physical confrontation

to be able to get the Well, they won't do it. Why is that? Because they know not to say to a different alpha.
Alpha can't do that to another alpha? They have mutual respect. Listen, kid, in a physical confrontation between you and I...
Do you think you've been in a fight? Yeah. That's just...
That's false. You're false.
Don't these guys all know Krav Maga? Oh, yeah, they do. No, what's...
No, no, that one is for those fucking Israeli people, but's a new one I'm learning What's it called?

I forget, that's what I'm trying to think

Jiu-jitsu?

No, not Jiu-jitsu

Really funny

Thanks

Dude, Jiu-jitsu is funny, dude

Thanks, man

Yeah

Anyway, okay

You want to wrestle?

Bobby was a fucking state wrestler

I don't want to touch him What's your favorite meal? A raw piece of cow A piss of cow? Raw piece Like a raw slab of the meat A raw cut of steak Yeah Like a carpaccio situation Thinly sliced No, no Tartar No Just one like this Like that one Like a carpaccio situation. It was thinly sliced.
No, no. Tartar.
No. Just one like this, like that one.
Like a T-bone steak. This is a guy that's never probably eaten a steak.
When you describe steaks like this. Yeah.
You know what I mean? It's like somebody's. It's a square.
Yeah, yeah. You get a square of fucking cow meat and you eat that.
Yeah, because it doesn't. They cut it so it can cook correctly.
But if it's raw, it doesn't matter. So it's a perfect square.
Oh, yeah. Well, they cut it to look nice.
What cut of the meat? You know what? I know what you eat. Let me guess.
Peanut butter for sure. No, I'm allergic.
I'm done. Really? Whoa, only what beta would be allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a beta move.
So are you allergic or not? Are you beta or not? Whoa. Well, for one, it better than- get him some of that peanut butter.
Make him eat it in front of us to prove it.

Right now,

there's peanut butter over there.

Make him fucking eat it.

Yeah.

I want to prove that you're-

You love,

I bet you love macaroni and cheese.

It's not bad.

Yeah.

Okay.

Go over there and go get one of those.

And then you like jelly?

There's cashews over there.

Go get them.

Are you saying I like peanut butter sandwich?

Yeah.

What does the macaroni have to do with that?

I know,

it's just a separate thing.

So a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and probably cheesy macaroni. You love it.
like cheesy mac I don't like the way he did that Yeah Come here Are you allergic to peanuts? You're allergic to nuts? No I can all eat some This is to prove if you're an alpha If you're a fucking No but that's his cashew Same thing dude Yeah yeah Open up Oh an alpha would have caught it That's nervous That makes me nervous tried to throw it over there. No? Okay, put it in your mouth.
You want me to eat it? Yeah, you have to. Oh, wow.
You know what I realized? No. You should be a magician.
Oh, magic? You're good at sleight of hand. Yeah.
Like, I didn't know where that cashew went. You don't know where it went? Yeah, yeah.
You got to have it.

What?

Dude.

Shin Lim, move over.

What the fuck? That's magic, dude.

Okay, show me the peanut or the cashew

and then make it disappear.

Go.

Move over, Shin Lim.

Move over.

Wow.

Move over, Shin Lim.

It's Schindler.

Yeah.

It's Schindler. Yeah's Schindler Yeah So let's Really good Let's plug your podcast My podcast? Yeah Okay Do you want me to do it Or you to do it? I think you should do it I don't know anything about I literally don't want it Okay please Your guy's not even subscribed On the TV No But Oh there you go Unsubscribe Yeah so please guys Unsubscribe please I guess the people watching I do my own thing Look our last guest I don't know when this will release He was a homeless guy on crack Uh huh That was the last guest Yeah So yeah hopefully In future I can get some better guests And please take a look at it It's a great podcast Okay Before you go, can I ask you another question? Because we were talking about Sunday.
You said you had an interest in doing stand-up. Yeah, I've never done it because they don't let me.
I'm 17. I know.
Because I met him at the comedy store. He was just kind of wandering around there.
Yeah. You know what I mean? You literally was just kind of hovering around.
I was going to try to get in. That's why.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You remember that? Not my brother.
You remember the other guy I had with me? Yeah. He went in the kitchen.
I swear. He literally, he went in the kitchen.
And what did he do? He reported back whether or not we could get inside through the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you can do it through there. It doesn't work? It doesn't work.
He said there was an entrance through there. There's no entrance through there? Yeah.
You'd have to go through the manager's office. I don't know.
I don't know. I never went in.
Anyway thinking about doing it yeah okay good when are you gonna start i don't know i i wanted to call the people i want to see if any of them give us a bit right now oh you want me to do stand up yeah oh shit you that's on the spot though is there a topic or what is it i'm just bringing you out hey guys welcome to chuckle chuckles love this fucking place dude you're in a mood today

yeah I'm just bringing you up. Hey guys, welcome to Chuckle Chuckles.
Love this fucking place. Dude, you're in a mood today.
Yeah. Yeah, you're tired.
I'm not tired. Okay.
Hey, welcome to Chuckle Chuckles. I'm Alfie Smith.
Hey, everybody. Love this.
Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang, bang. What's up? Anyway.
That's a good comment. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, he's got a claw hand. Yeah.
Ding, ding, ding, ding. What do you think? And they compete.
I would leave. They're competing.
No, you're backstage. Yeah, yeah.
I got to warm up the crowd, dude. Oh, so I don't hear this? Yeah, you're backstage.
You're going, oh, my God. Can I follow this? You're nervous.
You're nervous. You're like, this guy's crushing.
Oh, okay. Anyway, yeah.
What is up with putting the trays down on the airplane? What is that about? Yeah, what is it about? It's like, hey, if it crashes, we're all going to die anyway. Right.
You know? And then it's like the emergency. I can do it.
Yeah. Anyway, look at the tiger.
Anyway, next comment coming to the stage. Wow, he's from Glendale.
Yeah. Yeah, he's Armenian, I think.
Yep. Matan, give him a round of applause, everybody.
Hey, guys. What's going on? Hey, let's do some crowd work.
Hey, sir, what's your name? Is that your, I don't know. I'm going to imagine I'm talking to them, right? Hey, you're white, but your girlfriend is black what's up with that hey look take a look at him let's do some crowd work that guy is asian out hey let's i think we've had enough crowd work let's make some jokes hey all right let's do some crowd work what's up with your girlfriend man yeah is that still the same black guy black girlfriend black guy yeah i'm targeting him a little i get oh yeah it's great right i love When you target.
Yeah. Is that still the same black guy, black girlfriend, black guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm targeting him a little.

I get that.

Oh, yeah, it's great.

I love when you target.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Hey, well, yeah, that's,

we don't allow that type of interracial in here.

Just like that guy over there.

So you might need to leave the,

what was the place called?

Chuckle, chuckle.

Chuckle, chuckle.

You might need to leave the building.

So Asian guy's gone

and the white girl with the black guy's gone too. Yeah, they just left.
No, no, white, white man with a black girl and Asians out. mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm you're saying but keep going i love it we're in the crowd too yeah yeah okay let me think let me hey you suck hey Hey, let i'm coming up with something yeah this guy fucking sucks hey hold on i'm trying to yeah hey man we want our fucking money back dude tell a joke fucker where's long now yeah yeah all right here we go so um oh i you i have a crazy story you guys want to hear my crazy story yeah it was 1990 better than the racism no no don't call me racist but listen this is my this is the story it's unbelievable story it's 1993 i'm in class in college or whatever and i i don't want to go to class but the teacher says please you have to or i can't teach the class what are you laughing at yeah one second one second i need to remember the story oh he's gonna reset stop for the top stop stop you want me to restart it this happens to all the best comments you're good we do that all right so sorry about that i forgot the story so i'm in spanish class the teacher said hey make sure to come to class but i don't want to go and anyways let's skip a little forward it results in me taking russian classes i'm do russian one russian two russian three now it's russian four we're going to russia okay we get off the training this is back when russia was owned by the mob it's run by the mob so the teacher says hey so these are your two security guards here i forget the names and one of the able like i go or something right so then they said don't, they don't want to talk to you.
And then after, we're at like the hotel or something and I leave my room, they said, don't get near them, but I knocked on the door and then he opened it and he said something and I didn't know what to do. I'm getting nervous.
I go, I'm the machine, right? And then he liked it and he let me in, okay? And so we started drinking with him and he tells all the Russian people, he tells them

I'm the machine.

Right.

So I'm drinking vodka with my friends, the new Russian friends.

And then from there, I don't know, I'm trying to think.

He told everybody to leave me alone.

So I'm the one running it with them.

Right.

I'm hanging out with the two mobster guys who's running Russia now.

And then on our way to Moscow, I'm sitting in the back. The two Russians come and get me.
They say sit in the first class with us. Yeah, yeah.
I think the crowd works better. No, no.
This story gets better. I love this story.
Okay. My bad, my bad.
Let him tell this is a great story. I've heard this before.
No, you haven't. It's brand new.
No, I thought you've told me this story before. Oh, I said this story? Yeah.
Probably a lot of times. Yeah, a bunch.
I'm just going to keep telling it. What happens on the train? Oh, on the train, the teacher comes to the front and then my friend Igor, he speats fucking vodka in our eyes.
Whoa. Isn't that crazy? Why would he do that? It's unbelievable.
And guess what? And then after we robbed- It is pretty unbelievable. It's not believable at all.
At all. But it's real.
Okay. So then what happened? Yeah.
So then I'm thinking we robbed the little train cart. You're wanting to rob the train.
Well, no. They told me, hey, take some vodka, take some money.
And then I realized I'm the only one. I'm stealing from it.
Wow. Whoa.
Right? What ends up happening? Anyway, so then the teacher, here's the best part. So then the teacher um let's laugh no no it's gonna get better okay so then the teacher says i call the police on you guys and then we steal all the rest of the stuff at night and then and then hey hey hold on okay hey hey see this i'm gonna i'm at a comedy club don't tell me when to laugh i'm listening to the tough on you all right see you get spit on when you do that kind of stuff Fuck, fuck, alright, sorry.
Fucking sorry. I thought it a comedy club.
Don't tell me when to laugh or not. I'm listening to the comedian.
Tough on you. All right.
See, you'll get spit on when you do that kind of stuff. Fuck, fuck.
All right. Sorry.
Fucking sorry. I thought it was a comedy club.
I paid good money to be in here. You just spit on my face.
Well, then go outside. All right.
Sorry. Yeah.
Okay. So anyways, the train stops.
The police are outside. So I get out of the truck.
I'm in the train. The truck? Truck.
Yeah. Well, no.
Truck. the front of the train called a trog? Truck.
Truck. Truck? There's a truck on the train? Truck.
Oh, a trog. Yeah.
Oh, the middle car. No.
Hey, guy. What the fuck is this? Let him tell the joke.
Oh, yeah. I just, I did it.
It's a trog. Everyone knows it's a trog.
Oh, a trog. After we walk out of the trog, I'm the train.
Yeah, the trog, dude. Right.
Okay. So then the police are there and then the police, they're taking statements from the teacher and all the students.
Right. And then we party with the police because my Igor told them I'm the machine.
Whoa. Whoa.
You know, most comics won't clap after their own shit

But I fucking love that

That's a great story

Was that in Burt's movie

Who's that

What's with the machine mean

I don't get it

Don't look at me like I'm

What's going on

You're the odd man out here

I know

Explain

I'm the machine

What's that

You got it

Trogs

Okay

Yeah yeah

Trogs. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. Trogs.
It's a lot of Trogs. I was waiting for you to get the Trogs part.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was probably the sickest part.
Yeah. Do you believe in God? Yeah, I do.
You do? Yeah. I was going to say because I know you have a history with that.
History with my relationship with God? My personal relationship with God? Your history with that conversation. We believe in God.
That's good to know. Yeah.
Do you believe in God? Oh, yeah. What do you think he thinks about you? Oh, I think he loves me.
I've been getting close with him recently. Are you a Jesus guy? Yeah, me and George Enko.
You love Jesus. Yeah.
What's your favorite thing that Jesus did? My favorite story is the book of Job. Oh, tell, explain.
I don't know it. That's my favorite.
Honestly, I've heard about Job. I heard it's a great book.
It's a great book. Right.
You know, Genesis was great. You know what I mean? But.
I tried to get it on audio, but you can't find it anywhere. You don't know that story? I don't know anything about Job.
So just in a nutshell. I think it proves God is real.
In a nutshell, explain to me the story of Job Okay so God and Satan They're talking and then Satan Like on a phone? No in heaven Yeah on a phone Oh so sometimes Satan goes up there I think he used to be an angel or something I'm getting more knowledgeable on it Satan was an angel I don't think during Job they were still hanging up in heaven Regardless they were speaking somewhere I'm sure they were like like in line somewhere together and they ran into each other they were talking must happen there's a starbucks what are you talking about there's a pete's coffee oh pete's coffee yeah okay so that pete's coffee okay satan and god are in line well regardless yeah okay so so then certain tolerance you know they have a journeys up there in heaven shoes yeah oh that's cool yeah i thought that was fun that's pretty bad added it yeah yeah and those funny socks i love culver socks funniest sock yeah god what what can't stance do exactly this guy should just make the best stance are you kidding me what do they what can they not do probably make shoes yeah they don't make sure yeah that's probably a big miss that's probably a big market they should have. Yeah, but every mall I go to, I always stop by the Hot Topic, and I always go by the Journeys.
Because they're all different. N.E.N.'s pretzels.
Got to get me a hot pretzel. What kind do you have? The one with the shit all over it.
Cheese, you mean? Well, yeah. Well, it's not- Honestly, you sound like you don't know what's there.
Well, it's not cheese, is it jalapeno one with like some cheese on it oh that one I like that one and what kind of sauce do you get the bog sauce the bog sauce is so good dude do they even make the fucking bog sauce because sometimes it's a Harry Potter theme so they have a bog yeah they have a bog sauce and what else do you go in the mall yeah I'll go to fucking have you ever been shopping with Andrew in New York he knows all the good spots I bet I do when we walk down we are like let's come in here and you're always right you know where you catch me you're always right about everything you know where you catch me the most in lids fuck yeah dude I can't I can't stand love I love it let me tell you something I love lids you don't tell me something about Lids. What? How much does a Lids hat cost?

We'll get right back to you, Mateen.

Yeah.

The book of Job.

Yeah, we're going to get to the book of Job.

How much is that hat?

How much is that Lids hat?

That's so affordable.

$30, $40, right?

So affordable.

Okay.

You're telling me they sell enough fucking hats to have a store in the mall?

Lids is 100% affront.

Hats? Right. How many fucking hats are people buying every day lids is selling that many fucking hats what's going on back there that this sounds like it looks like a pizza party place if you know what i'm saying yeah who owns lids it's that it's ruben michael rubin ceo fanatics ruben created an apparel logistics company global logistics company, Global Sports Incorporated.
Let's look deeper into Ruben. Let's look deeper into Ruben.
Look at his hair. He doesn't have any.
He doesn't have any. And that says a lot.
He's never wearing a hat either. Okay, go to his Wikipedia.
Businessman, they say. Yeah.
Scroll in. Get in tighter.
Now scroll down. Career.
Let's see. Anything conspiratorial? Keep going.
Keep going keep going personal life philanthropy this will be a front this is good make a wish the all-in challenge sounds like bullshit raise more than 60 mil okay let's go down media appearance let's go back to job maybe hold on hold on hold on yeah there is personal go down go down to personal stop stop stop Ruben is divorced from local dance teacher megan specter now megan not megan he hosts a white party in the hamptons independence day jay-z beyonce beaver brady kim kardashian you've been to that party no dude this is an infamous illuminati party it's called the white party the white party it's out in the hamptons. This is a famous thing.
This is Illuminati Central. Dude.
And I'm not even joking. Would you go if you were invited? To the White Party? Yeah.
Well, I think I would get it. Yeah.
Could that be your number, your guest? We'd have to do some serious makeup. Oh.
Look at that. Look at that.
That's a White Party. Oh, they all wear white.
She'sican jennifer lopez now whoa they invite black people though oh they do well now after after yeah yeah yeah whoa after after uh after covid they had to no dude this is a real party this guy throws in the hamptons and it's illuminati central they say and this is the guy that this is the guy that owns Lids, yes? Mm-hmm. Yes? Wow.
And there's Robert Kraft, yes? Mm-hmm. Wow.
What else do we need to know? White, white, jizz, jizz party, party time, time to buy a hat. Someone's going to fucking prison, Kevin Hart and James Corden.
Wow. Two guys that we know do not- I know both those guys.
They do not buy hats. They never bought a hat.
So what am I saying? Not one guy there has a hat on. This guy owns fucking lids.
They're wearing masks and stuff. I don't get invited to things like this.
I know. We're going to get you something though.
Yeah, yeah. All right, tell me about the book of Job.
I wanted to go to an Eyes Wide Shut party where there's masks. We put that well together.
Thank you. That was awesome.
Where's Job? Oh, so yeah, to really recap of the book of Job, it's that God and Satan, they made a bet and then he said that, Satan said Job is only such a devout follower of God because he's wealthy, he has everything happy. So God wants to show Satan that he's wrong.
So he burned down his farm, he killed all of his animals. Because God is all about love.
Oh, no, well, listen to the story. You're trying to make some judgment here.
I'm not making a judgment. I know.
God is about love, no? But this story will prove it's real. So give me a minute.
Okay, go ahead. So anyways, he burns down his farm.
He kills the animals. He kills his family.
All right, so I'm Job. Let's just put myself in Job's position, all right? My wife that I love and my children and my cow.
And I have a llama too. You always have.
I love llamas. And I have two meerkats named Joe and Saul.
Saul. Yeah.
Saul. So my meerkats, llama, dogs, everything dead.
I wife my two kids. All the money's gone.
So I'm like, okay, God. God.
What the fuck, God? No, he said thank you.

Thank you for killing everything.

Thank you, God.

That's what he said.

Okay.

Is that the end of Job?

That proves God is real.

I get it.

I get it.

How can you deny it after hearing that? Yeah, but he fucked hard.

You spit on me. Whoa.
You spit on me. On you spit on me whoa you spit on me oh on you okay i do it better yeah pie on you pie on you yeah well that that was okay yeah it was very good that was better for korean our lips don't do that yeah i know that's why i'm surprised okay right john yeah yeah he knows and he's also asian i mean i can't i've been thinking about that this whole time i know yeah so let me let me show me your turn the other way do you have both ears pierced yeah uh-oh unfortunately they did that to my eyes that's an alpha thing buddy no i want to get it out.
They did it to me when I was a baby. You have tattoos? No.
Okay. No tattoos? No.
Not alpha. You think tattoos are alpha? Look at this guy.
He has tattoos? Yeah, yeah. Then that's why I'm not going to get any.
Okay. Because he has them? Because I don't want to have any similarities with somebody like that.
I get that. You love me, you said did not you did Sunday.
You see I was a big fan. Yeah, and then Sunday you said that you You hated lip.
I just did that with my mind Dude, you keep fucking with Bobby and that you keep talking to fuck around. That's not good.
Hey, dude Hey, dude, he can make the whole fuck around or what? No anymore. That was, I just.
Hey, look at me right now, dude. Tonight, you'll see.
Oh, what the fuck? That was another spit. I wasn't supposed to.
Whoa. What do you think of that? That's like black magic, but for Asians.
So what do you call it? Yellow magic. Yeah, that's right.
Yellow magic. Yeah, yellow magic.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stop.

I take offense.

Why?

I take...

Yellow magic is fine.

He said yellow magic.

No, the second time he did...

No, look at me.

I can still see you.

You're still there.

All right?

He just...

No, no.

I take offense.

I'm sorry.

John?

It sounded like he said yellow magic.

John, back me up, dude.

There's some R.

Yeah, no.

You said...

You did it with an accent.

Now, what the fuck, dude? No, I'm trying to make... You go, yayo, yayo.
No, no. He said yellow magic.
Say up dude yeah no you said you did it with an accent now what the fuck dude you go yayo yayo no no he said yellow magic say it again say it again I'm trying to make it so you understand what I'm saying I say yellow magic I'm trying to I admit what I did I want you to understand me yeah I think when you go to Italy and you go scusi you're saying excuse me but I see what he's doing he's being polite being sweet okay you're being sweet Yeah Yeah yeah yeah You don't have a lot of Asian friends it seems like Fortunately You don't Yeah no Fortunately Fortunately you don't I don't say fortune Around Asian Yeah yeah Delicate thing The trigger word Yeah yeah yeah I mean we love our cookies No but you guys That was Panda Express You can't take credit for that Yeah they did You guys take the fucking credit for the orange they fuck you man what you talking about you think you want the orange chicken it's not real that one's my i never said we claim orange chicken did i say that out loud no i can feel in your no i i did never talked about orange chicken i don't like orange chicken what color chicken did you guys start uh uh chef andy ko yeah he started it yep see it panda express thean province. But let me say something to you.
Have you had Korean chicken? No. Yeah.
Yeah. And I don't plan to.
Yeah, you will. No, I won't.
Guess why. I'll tell you why.
Why? Because after this, we have each other's numbers. Okay.
I feel like... Is that like a threat? No, I feel like there's going to be some dinners you and I are going to have Oh yeah You know that And I'm going to be your mentor Yeah you know that We talked about it I'm going to help you Oh he's overwhelmed No I'm good No you're not Matan I really like you I think you're a good kid okay okay and I think that

there's something about you

that's very interesting

and I just wanna

be around

wherever it grows

I wanna be there

wherever it grows

it goes

thank you Ray Will

thank you Matan

thank you Matan

thank you Matan

thank you Matan

yeah

thank you

Thank you. thank you thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you

there he is

I don't know

what else

oh that's it

yeah that's it

thank you

thank you

thank you

thank you Matan thank you Matan oh you're back you're back nope what oh Matan oh Matan thank you Matan thank you Matan buddy. Thank you.
Thank you. No, I don't know how to get it out.
Yeah, yeah. If you take that, I'll break your legs, you know? South Koreans are dealing with burnout and loneliness by getting pet rocks.
I told you they would find a solution. But you realize now, because rocks, they have flat faces.
Right? So it's like, of course. of course let me tell you you can't skip a korean guy but you can skip a rock that's so true uh kuah young 33 told seon she didn't have anyone to talk to about the burnout she experienced over starting a new office job in seoul didn't want to worry your friends and family felt that getting a pet animal like a cat or dog would have been too much responsibility.
So got a pet rock named it Bang Bang E. Bang Bang E.
Bang Bang. It's a fiber of the Korean word for jumping and happiness.
According to the journal, she says, talks to the rock about her day, carries out it in her pocket when she goes out for the walks to the gym. Yeah.
I mean, it feels- I love it. It's a good solution.
Yeah. And it's cheap.
Yeah. I'm going to wait until I get those robots going.
Yeah. Oh, what? there's a new ai robot that looks pretty real the girl i forgot her name but no not in a sexual i don't like your look dude they're always in a sexual well they have some sexual undertone yeah there's no i'll get a black guy then rob robot that would still be such no reason that's way more sexual yeah but without i wouldn't i won't a big beautiful black I won't pay for the genital part.
That comes with it. I know.
Can you detach it? No. I want to put a little Asian one in there.
It's too threatening, but I do want to get an AI. Welcome home, baby.
Well, we can't get you AI, but we have another gift for you. Come here, McCone.
Give him a gift. What is it? We got a gift for you, my friend.
I got you this gift. Oh, my God.
Oh, wow. I got you this gift.
It's open. I don't know what it is, but it's kind of open.
Is that going to make me mad or no? No, that's just extra wrapping. No, it's open because you used it.
Oh, my God. No, I accidentally bought two copies.
Did you see it? Yeah, dude. That shit's fucked.
Very good. Good or no? Very good.
Yeah, but fucked. but fuck half of it at like i i watched it in two parts yeah yeah and like it is uh happiness really dark movie bobby wanted it for so long you can't find it anywhere it's banned yeah it's i'm not banned i just never got proper distribution because it was rated nc-17 it's just really hard to market yeah and if you watch it you it, you understand why.
Who's in it? Anybody famous?

Philip Seymour Hoffman, Molly Shannon, John Lovitz.

Yeah, we talked about it on the show.

Well, congratulations on that.

Thank you so much, dude.

How does that feel?

Good?

Dude, this is like one of the best.

I mean, I don't have a DVD player.

Well, look at this.

No, do you have a video game?

You have an Xbox.

PS5.

I can watch it on my-

Yeah, it's a Blu-ray.

On my Xbox, I can?

Yeah.

Yes.

Oh, I'm going to watch it tonight.

And PS5.

Thank you.

Hey, now you don't have to get a Pet Rock. Look at that.
Yeah, I'm still going to get it. You still should get it.
I'm still going to get a Pet Rock. I know what this is.
What? This is insane. This is insane.
I want to see it. Oh, yeah, Bobby.
You guys were eating in Tucson. If this doesn't encompass Tucson as a whole,

a cockroach was crawling

on Bobby outside while you

guys were eating food.

Dude, that night was a

nightmare.

I'll tell you why. Tucson closes at

5 p.m. Yeah, there was nowhere to

eat, so we had to go to a hot dog vendor.

So gross. Right.
And then these

two ladies right there, aside from the the cockroaches they got three photos. What do you mean? Wait.
Keep playing it. Oh my god.
It was a cockroach. It was a cockroach.
You get it off sooner than that. Now you an answer.
It's my job. No.
I got it off with my hair. You just had a cockroach on you and she can't wait to get a photo.
Oh, my. Sweet.
Cute. Bobby, that's a meat cute.
That's a meat cute meet cute Yeah remember when you had that cockroach on you outside in Tucson I just fell for you Would you date her? Is she your type? She looks fucking cool Yeah The tats Also that jacket I can never wear again Do you know why? Well Four times people go You going to work? Yeah It looks it looks like i'm a chef somewhere yeah i said that yeah yeah it's all it's also physically physically physically what it's not flattering physically i mean it makes you look bulbous as shit and go turn the volume off but go back down the front i told you that when you wore it i said you're you're prettier than that coat. Why did you say that earlier? I did.
So like that shot right there. Like, look at that.
Well, it's the hot dog stuff on me. But this kind of thing.
It has a relish on me. I know.
Such like a chef. It feels like it retains shit.
You know what I mean? Like, that's supposed to have. Oh, I'm never going to wear it again.
All right. I'm never going to wear it again.
Was that an expensive piece of clothing? It was, yeah. I can imagine it was.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's got to be handmade in Japan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got in San Fran once.
All right, I'll never wear it again. Yeah, I don't like it.
Yeah. And no one ever says, that's a great jacket or whatever.
No, no one did say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that it? You know what? What? There's this. Oh my God, we didn't even talk about this.
Yeah, so let me tell you, where's that at? It's off the 101. And Sunset.
No. Did we find out the artist that did this? Yes.
This is fucking amazing. It's amazing.
It's fucking amazing. This dude is the shit.
I love you. I retweeted it and I said, we love LA, man.
This was like such a... And honestly, dude.
Yeah. This is...
I'm not saying keep doing this all over LA. But I am.
But please do. Yeah.
Yeah. That's so dope i love sucky i love sucky i mean covid joke is just laid all over that was yeah wait so so put the fucking we'll put his name up there sucky bat shout out to that cat i know this is uh we shouldn't probably that's so cool promoting graffiti but i love it yeah i mean fucking is great.
Sucky Bat. I thought that was in the Middle East.
Promoting our Dubai show. Yeah.
Well, we could, we would help. If anybody wants to fly to Dubai and tag the walls down there.
Yeah. If you do graffiti down there in UAE.
Oh, you're done. You get time in, I mean, like time in prison, real time.
Wow, wow, wow. Real time.
Yeah. We're excited to go to Dubai.
I can't wait.'t wait according to law UAE any damages of disfigured public property is considered a crime includes graffiti yeah how much time I just want to test it though no I'm telling you you're there alone I'm not bailing you out you bail me out how about if I spit gum no that's in Singapore right yeah but can I do it there I don't even. They're not allowed to have gum in Dubai.
No gum. Wow.
It's a no gum country. How about a Mentos? And a cop's feet.
Whoa. I think they just have Tic Tacs.
Oh, they do? Yeah. I'll go.
Yeah. Because we're playing there and there's all these rules.
No, there's not a lot. No nudity.
No talking bad about UAE. That's that's the that's all you have to do can't show any part of your naked body i'm not going to if you do i'm not going to please i won't please i'm not gonna it sounds like you're gonna i am i know i'm not i'm not gonna do it know that and then we can't be defamatory about uae you can't be i'm not I don't even know what...
I know. You don't even know what that stands for.

I can't do that.

You can do that.

All right.

Save that for the casinos.

Okay.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo-hoo.
Yeah. Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo. Yeah.