Bad Boys & Fairy Fantasies

Speaker 1 This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

Speaker 1 These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Speaker 1 Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. You are these two idiots.

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 You two or something. We're bad friends.
You look so handsome today, Bobby. Yes, that's handsome.

Speaker 2 I'm not buying it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you look good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not buying any of that. What are you talking about? You look so good.
No, I

Speaker 2 do. Coming from you, dude, that's legit.
No, legit to quit. Too legit to quit.
You're a cutie pie. This is.
Stop saying it. It's weird now.
Eat some Skittles. Let me see you eat some Skittles.

Speaker 2 You eat some of those Japanese Skittles. Oh, Japanese Skittles.
Really turned me on.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? What's that? Oh,

Speaker 2 we got a bag of cookies. From what? From Whole Foods Cookie Bar.
Do you know about this? No. Open that up.
Look at how many cookies are inside of that thing. Whole Foods, though?

Speaker 2 Whole Foods Cookie Bar? Have you ever had Whole Foods? I only go to Air One Cookie Bar. Oh, gross.

Speaker 2 We're not. But open that up.
Look at how many different kinds. Ada Sira.
Should I give away my

Speaker 2 secret, Macon? Of what we do? Okay, so when I go to to like the cookie bar like this and I get like two pounds of cookies, what would it say? 2.6 pounds? Yeah, right.

Speaker 2 You have to pay for these cookies? Yeah, but check it out. You go to the self-checkout and then you just put it on the thing like you're going to weigh it, but you hold it right above it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So it only registers, you know, like, what did that say? Like point? I said I got 0.4 pounds.

Speaker 2 That's good.

Speaker 2 Cookie Mari Tricks? Well, I'm a cookie monster.

Speaker 2 Whoa, that's good. Wait a minute.
First of all, Whole Foods is Amazon. You only brought it for Bobby? Huh? I don't want any one of these rights.
Well, you guys can have it. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 We brought it for the crew. I'm going to have Japanese candy.
But I got to tell you, McColl, this is way too many cookies.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, this is way too many. It's two and a half.
How much was that?

Speaker 2 How much was it supposed to be? Yeah, how much was it supposed to be?

Speaker 2 I think we paid, I think we paid $4.68, and it was supposed to be $26.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 You're a tricky. I'm a tricky cookie boy.

Speaker 2 You know me. I'm a tricky cookie boy.

Speaker 2 Who, me? I'm a tricky cookie boy.

Speaker 2 Those are no, let me see, hold on. All right.

Speaker 2 Ah so. Ah so, ah, so, ah, so, ah, ah, ah, ah.

Speaker 2 They taste like radio skittles.

Speaker 2 They do. Yeah.
They're just Japanese. Why did you give me this? Macho.
That's from Carlos. I think Carlos wanted to bring you some.
What's going on today? No, just in case your day wasn't so good.

Speaker 2 It wasn't good. You had a long day.
Terrible. But it's okay now, aren't you? No.
No. It's not.
It's bad? Pretty bad, dude. Why is it so bad today?

Speaker 2 Oh, sit down. I have something to talk to you about.

Speaker 2 Sit down, asshole. Asshole.
Blue chair. Blue chair, man.

Speaker 2 Blue chew. Hi, Carla.
Hi. Hi, Davar.
Hello.

Speaker 2 Hi.

Speaker 3 Hi, Andre. Hi, McCone.

Speaker 2 Put your purse in the other way. Yeah, let me ask you a question.
What?

Speaker 2 You're about to get it. What's wrong with you?

Speaker 3 Because you're going to scold me.

Speaker 2 Dude, why do you have temple zits?

Speaker 2 Why do you have them?

Speaker 2 You're supposed to get them on your face, not the temple.

Speaker 3 What do you mean, temple?

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is your temple right here. She's trying to do when she does that.
Oh, she's she does, she does white eyes. And so when she does white eyes.
Oh,

Speaker 2 I used to get those. Yeah.
Don't do white eyes. Don't do that.
White people don't like them. No, don't do white eyes.
I know you're like, hello. I have a credit card.
Or whatever.

Speaker 2 I don't know what they say. What does that want to white people? Yeah, yeah, hello.
I'd like to pay in cash.

Speaker 2 What are some things that only whites can say? What are some things that you hear only whites say that you would never hear a Korean say? Or hear her go. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Gosh golly.

Speaker 2 That's good. Gosh golly.
Oh, gosh, golly. Gosh golly is good.
My gosh golly. Jiminy crickets.

Speaker 2 Heavens to Betsy.

Speaker 2 When you say this to somebody, they go, a white guy, and you go, you have to be at my house at seven. And they go, okie-dokie.

Speaker 2 No, tell me you'll be at my house. You have to be at your house at seven.
You got to be at my house at seven o'clock. I'll be there early.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, no. You're always early.
Yeah, white people love it. What do you got to yell at her about?

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 3 hey, you're a comforter.

Speaker 2 Oh, did you piss on the comforter? Oh, yeah, this is a fun game. Yeah, let's go.
Guess what it is?

Speaker 2 Why is Bobby mad today? Guess what it is?

Speaker 3 Uh, the cats, the cats are beautiful. I cleaned, I cleaned everything.
I'm not, I don't know.

Speaker 2 Well, there's one thing that you that you do that really disturbed me there today.

Speaker 2 I called you about it.

Speaker 3 Oh, the bottles, the cat, the cans.

Speaker 2 Not just the cans. What? What are you doing? Go ahead.

Speaker 2 God damn, man, this guy.

Speaker 2 I was about to Christian bail it again, dude.

Speaker 2 What happened with the cans and the bottles and the cats?

Speaker 2 And the cats and the bottles and the cans and the bottles and the bottles at the Bobby Lee house. It's the cats and the bottles and something is broken.
Whose fault is it? Yours. It's your fault.

Speaker 2 So I buy these chili. I buy chili from Erewhon.
You know, sometimes I don't finish them.

Speaker 3 You never finish. You don't even eat it.
It's just a design.

Speaker 2 It's just a design?

Speaker 3 Yeah, in your fridge.

Speaker 2 I do design.

Speaker 3 I have 25.

Speaker 2 I do designs in my fridge. Yeah, but I'm artsy.
You mean chili peppers? No,

Speaker 2 I formed them so it makes a configuration. You know what I mean? So it's artsy.
What do you mean chili from Erwan? Turkey chili? Yeah, that. Those bottles.
Oh, God, Bob.

Speaker 2 Just because you want people to come over and open your fridge and see Erwan? It's $50.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That is $50?

Speaker 2 For a jar of chili? It's the best chili you'll ever have. I fucking hope so.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let me get to Ertzo the water. Shut up, dude.
And don't go, don't give me a chili test either, dude. I'll know.
Why did you lie? That says $18. Yeah, he's a liar, dude.

Speaker 2 You're a little bad boy liar.

Speaker 2 All right, so we're going to

Speaker 2 stay on the stand the photo. Stay on the photo.

Speaker 2 So what I like to do is, because

Speaker 2 what am I good at, dude? What are you good at? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 When it comes to the environment.

Speaker 2 You're good at giving back.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Come on.
What do I say? What do I do? Because that goes right into the toilet or or the trash can.

Speaker 2 You're giving back. No, that's what I mean.
What do you do? What do I do? I'm a conversation.

Speaker 2 You're a conservationist? Yes, that's right. You're a constipationist.
Yeah, I'm a constipationist.

Speaker 2 Your IBS has got to be.

Speaker 2 I'm very mindful about the environment. Are you seriously?

Speaker 3 I don't.

Speaker 3 You don't even

Speaker 2 shut up.

Speaker 2 Do I have two trash cans in my fucking thing?

Speaker 3 Yeah, and you use the recycle as trash.

Speaker 2 Stop, because I don't know the difference. That's the only problem.
Well, let's learn because I actually don't fucking know. Can I be honest? We throw so much stuff.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 2 But can I get to this first and then we'll get to that? Please. I'm sorry.
No, no, no. It's your show.
It's both of our shows, actually. But your show now.
Okay. So that's not what I'm at.

Speaker 2 I think it's done beneficial things to your life, this podcast. Big time.
Your confidence is. Big time.

Speaker 2 Your social status, your Instagram account. Your communication skills.

Speaker 2 Mine's not even that good, right? You're still in this country. You're still in this country.
Because of us. Yeah, yeah.
Do you you want to stay in the country? Yeah. Okay, good.
I get a call today.

Speaker 2 Disturbing. Yeah, bad.
Frightening.

Speaker 2 No, let me. I'm not done.
Okay.

Speaker 2 It felt like...

Speaker 2 Do you remember when In The Exorcist,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 2 The mother.

Speaker 2 Remember the mother? God, please, yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Go, go, go. What do you mean? Well, yes, I remember.

Speaker 2 I remember right, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she, the father, what's the father's name? Borg.

Speaker 2 Father Borg? Father Borg.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. What is his name?

Speaker 2 And this is a terrible analogy. Let's just, let's

Speaker 2 Damien. Yeah, Father Damien, Derek German.
She goes to German.

Speaker 2 The analogy doesn't make any sense. But you got to get there if you're going to go there.
Should I finish? Should I try to finish anyway? I'll try to finish anyway. You already started.
Right.

Speaker 2 So when she comes up to him and says,

Speaker 2 you know, I think my daughter, you know what I mean, needs an exorcism.

Speaker 2 And his face was like,

Speaker 2 either like, I've never done that before.

Speaker 2 Also, this is going to be super scary.

Speaker 2 But there's all these emotions. This is a terrible analogy.
I can tell. I'm going to find it with you.
I'm going to find it with you. Just keep going.

Speaker 2 I'm done, though. Oh, that's it.
Did you find it yet? Oh, no. Did you find it yet? How about this? Yeah, yeah.
Find it now. You're Father Dermis.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And every single day, you deal with a little devil. That's what I learned to saw.
And you want her to exude her evil. That's what I want.
Start doing good. Right.

Speaker 3 I'm so good.

Speaker 2 What I'm saying to you is that

Speaker 2 you're embarrassed about being on the show.

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 2 A little bit. Are you really? No.

Speaker 2 Do you have two Instagrams?

Speaker 2 I have three.

Speaker 2 Jesus. You're embarrassed about being on the show.

Speaker 3 No, I'm not. I'm just

Speaker 2 shy. No, you're not.
I'm just shy. No, you're a little shy guy.
You're not a shy guy. Yeah.
No, you're not.

Speaker 3 I don't know. It's just overwhelming.
There's just so many.

Speaker 2 Oh, you're being overwhelmed?

Speaker 2 Yeah. I do things for your family that you have no idea.
You have no idea, dude.

Speaker 2 The sacrifices I make.

Speaker 3 What do you do?

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Do you okay, honestly?

Speaker 2 You're on one. Oh, you're on one today, dude.
Okay, so what do I do?

Speaker 2 Interesting. What do I do? Let me see.
That makes me sick. Yeah, let me see.

Speaker 3 You do the dogs.

Speaker 2 You do a lot of dogs.

Speaker 2 Young lady. Young lady.
Young lady.

Speaker 2 Young lady. Okay, but I clean your house.

Speaker 2 barely now let's learn what recycling is i really want to know i'm serious yeah i want to know too that kind of bugged me out i have no idea what goes in the recycling well before we even look it up let's seek guess because i want to ask you something i'm being real okay all right so

Speaker 2 there's the blue one yeah the blue bin and that's the recycled correct then there's the black bin

Speaker 2 guys am i not you got it

Speaker 2 black bin what is that for garbage green one

Speaker 2 tree tree like tree kind of right? Like leaves and stuff, okay? Don't try to trick me with fucking garbage. Okay, that's a good one.
Why is the garbage can have to be the black one? I know.

Speaker 2 In this day and age. In this day and age.
They couldn't paint it any other color. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yellow would be more appropriate. No, not yellow.
That's trash.

Speaker 2 Yellow seems like, yuck, trash, gross, bad. Red, too, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Red seems like.
Red too is like fire. Well, first of all, there are red bins in the forest for hot coals and stuff like that.
Yeah, that's not good.

Speaker 2 Look at that. There you go.
All right. So let me.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. What is a red bin in the hospital? Is that for

Speaker 2 hazardous materials? Thank you. Oh, yeah.
I'm hazardous. Like, blood clots and stuff.
Well, blood. Yeah.
Just blood in general. Let me talk to you.
Okay. All right.
So

Speaker 2 in the blue one, I put plastics,

Speaker 2 glass.

Speaker 2 How much glass are you throwing away? A lot.

Speaker 2 Why do you have a lot of glass? Oh, from your chili jars?

Speaker 2 Keep those glasses. Well, no, that's the one thing.

Speaker 2 She threw away the lids.

Speaker 2 That's what I was mad about.

Speaker 2 Because I use them for my cachava.

Speaker 2 We'll talk about it later. We remember.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 plastic and glass. Glass, and that's it, right? Paper products.
Like, so

Speaker 2 paper towels you throw in the recycled? Yeah. No.
Yes. No.
Yes, you do.

Speaker 3 Paper towels?

Speaker 2 Yes, any paper product can go in there. Paper cups.
Unless it's soiled, meaning like if it has poop on it or food on it. Oh, so.
But if it's just paper towel that dried your hands with or something.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Really? 100%.
Okay. Go in there.
Look. Right here.
Recycle in the blue bin. Go up.
Zoom in. Recycle these items in the blue bin.

Speaker 2 Computer paper, ledger paper, arts and crafts paper, unwanted mail, flyers, telephone books, note cards, newspaper, magazines, file folders, paper bags, post-it notes, catalogs, envelopes, including window envelopes.

Speaker 2 Cardboard of all kinds. Cartons of all kinds, fruit juice, wine, cereal, heavy cream.
Metals. Metals.
Oh, yeah, I do soda cans. Soda, juice, veggie cans.
Right, right. Glass.
There you go, Bobby.

Speaker 2 Look at it. It It even says soda, wine, and it says chili jars.

Speaker 2 Chili. Chili jars.
Yeah. And plastics of all kinds.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And everything else goes in. You don't have

Speaker 2 one bin per category. Slow it down, dude.

Speaker 2 Did you move back to Spain in your mind? Did you have a stroke? What happened?

Speaker 2 What's going on, dude?

Speaker 2 Blue bin. Blue bin.
And then the green bin is all the yard waste. Yeah.
So they call it. You know the reason why I'm not going to do your movie?

Speaker 2 I'll tell you what the reason why.

Speaker 2 I got a whole fucking. Me too.
But the number one thing is. The number one thing is.

Speaker 2 How long do notes take? Forever. You take a take, right? He comes from behind Video Village.

Speaker 2 It's like. Imagine how bad it's going to be when you go over to Spain.
He's going to have a thicker accent. Oh, my God.
He's going to be with his boys back home.

Speaker 2 Oh, dude, if you change. He will.
Do you change when you're there?

Speaker 2 Hey, it's fancy. Do they call you fancy back home? No, no.
Now they should. What's fancy in Spanish?

Speaker 2 Pijo. Pijo.
You are a fucking man. Is that in Brazil? Where is that? Harmonized color.
Is this what it's like in Spain? Yeah. That I like.
So, what does that say? Vidro? Let me guess.

Speaker 2 Vidro is the plants and stuff. Glass.
Glass? That's okay.

Speaker 2 And let me guess. Let me guess Matal is

Speaker 2 paper. Paper.
Okay. Yeah.
Plastico. Plastico.
Papel. Papel.
And what's the white? No whites.

Speaker 2 No, no, exactly. Like food.
No, yeah, no food and stuff.

Speaker 2 What is that word? Recavaleadal.

Speaker 2 No recyclable. No recycled.
Interesting. Very good.

Speaker 2 Well, now we learn because I throw shit all over the place. But you know what's so funny? I learned on that Penn and Teller show, bullshit.
It all gets separate, put to the same place.

Speaker 2 It doesn't matter. Right.

Speaker 2 Interesting. And I want to say something.
What? If you're listening to this podcast and you'd pick up the trash in my neighborhood,

Speaker 2 I love these announcements. Neighborhood watch here.
This guy that picks up our fucking can. Here we go.
The arm, you know, the arm of the thing? Woo-doo-hoo!

Speaker 2 And then,

Speaker 2 and then, woo-doo-doo.

Speaker 2 The recycling guy, woo-doo, drops it down. The fucking trash guy,

Speaker 2 and throws it, and it hits my fucking aggressively. Oh, my God.
It's

Speaker 2 it's hucks. It hucks.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Stop it. Whoever the fuck you are, cut it out.

Speaker 2 Because it broke the top bin. I had to get a fucking new one.
I can't blame.

Speaker 2 Oh, he's at the controls. No, it's not controls, dude.
It's the mechanic back at the fucking trash place. What?

Speaker 2 What? Whoever the

Speaker 2 programmer.

Speaker 2 It's not a programmer. It's not a robot.
No, I don't know. He uses fucking joysticks.
I'm just saying the mechanics of the fucking...

Speaker 2 It's off. It's the same truck.
You gotta oil it up or something, dude. No, it's not a fucking Android.
That's not what I was fucking referring to. It's the same.
It's a programmer.

Speaker 2 What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

Speaker 2 This is not fucking Wally.

Speaker 2 We've programmed the truck. Yeah, yeah.
No, it's the same kind of truck. It's just.
So what you're saying is that he has two modes.

Speaker 2 Softly release or chuck. Okay, look.
Yeah, yeah, I see. What the fuck are you talking about? I stare out the window with my coffee.
I watch him do it.

Speaker 2 The one guy knows how to do the lever, so it, woo-doo, it drops.

Speaker 2 This guy, before it gets to the ground, he lets it go.

Speaker 2 Can I ask you this? Look at the fucking lever. Okay, is it the same lever? Is it the same lever that does your regular trash? It's the same plastic.
Same thing.

Speaker 2 So basically. But the recycling truck does it nicely.
Oh, wait. So.
Oh, they're not the same truck then. Buddy, have you ever seen a trash? No.
Have you ever seen your trash get picked? No.

Speaker 2 Never, not one. Different trucks.
Oh, I thought they were the same truck. Oh, then my bad.

Speaker 2 What the fuck?

Speaker 2 I thought he was saying that there was two guys.

Speaker 2 Two guys in one truck, right? And it's your turn, buddy.

Speaker 2 And he goes, watch this Chuck and shit. Have you never heard? Chuck? You hear me? That's what I thought.
You're telling me he's never watched it. Let the other guy do it.
What?

Speaker 2 You've never watched the chuck. I've never even heard it.

Speaker 3 He doesn't even return his bins back to.

Speaker 2 Yeah, somebody does it for me. I know who does it for me? Your gardener.
My gardener does it. That's a lot of fun.
Raul. Raul?

Speaker 2 Hey, Seaways. Yeah, Seaways.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But yeah, so that's what I thought. So I get what you're saying.
Yeah, he throws it. Yeah, we're going to have to make a call.
I don't know what's going on. He does that.

Speaker 2 And he doesn't just do it to me because I thought, does this guy fucking not like me? Yeah. Every house.
He hucks it. It might be kind of fun for him to do.
I mean, it's just like a. Remember

Speaker 2 at the park when you were a kid in the fucking sand digger thing? Yeah. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah.
Do you not know what that is? No, no. Playground.
Well, what do they have there?

Speaker 2 In the Philippines.

Speaker 2 Do you not have a playground in the Philippines?

Speaker 3 Only like rich areas.

Speaker 2 You just don't. But it's just a rich area.
Playgrounds are like in all neighborhoods. There's just a place to.
No, that's not called that. That's a Filipino playground.
Look how beautiful that is.

Speaker 2 That looks great. That's a rich.
So that's a rich. Is that a rich playground?

Speaker 2 Not really. They're not wearing shoes.

Speaker 3 We didn't have any of that.

Speaker 2 You didn't have a playground? Look at that. Old tires.

Speaker 3 The playground that we go to is near the cemetery.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Is it a part of the cemetery? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. If you find a bone, you can play with it.

Speaker 2 Let's play hide and go bone.

Speaker 2 Hey, that's my uncle.

Speaker 2 Put down on my uncle. You can find me.
You can't find me. Yeah, all right.
They play tag with someone's arm.

Speaker 2 Chime. You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 2 I was terrible at banking. I was confused.
So bad.

Speaker 2 Overdraft charges. Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money.
I didn't know how to manage it. And also, no one was there to help.
But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 2 That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and much more, which definitely would have helped me when I was doing my PA jobs back in the day.

Speaker 2 Also, with qualifying direct deposits, you are eligible for free overdraft up to $200 or debit card purchases and cash withdrawal. You can learn more about it at chime.com/slash bad friend.

Speaker 2 To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion, right? You need a little bit of help. You need a little money quicker than normal because something pops up.
It always does.

Speaker 2 You open up a check-in account with zero monthly fees and no maintenance fees, and you got access to over 47,000 fee-free ATMs. That's more than the top three national banks combined.

Speaker 2 All those ATMs are there for you to use and don't get clipped. You got to try Chime.
Work on your financial goals through Chime today. Open an account in two minutes at chime.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 That's chime.com slash bad friends. Chime.
Feel like progress.

Speaker 4 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bank Corp Bank NA or Stride Bank NA.
Members of FDIC.

Speaker 4 Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission of payment file.
These apply at out of network ATMs. Bank ranking and number of ATMs, according to U.S.

Speaker 4 News and World Report 2023. Chime checking account required.

Speaker 2 Hydro. I caught it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

Speaker 2 What is it? Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 2 How ultimate is it? You may ask. It works.
86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running. Just 20 minutes.
All it takes to feel the results. And this is true.

Speaker 2 I do it for 15 to to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers, the old ways are gone.

Speaker 2 Hydro's newest rower, the Hydro Arc, delivers such powerful results. GQ magazine named it the best rower of 2025, and I agree.
You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today. We should get you one.

Speaker 2 Head over to hydro.com and use code Bad Friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season. That's hydro, h-y-d-r-o-w.com.
Code, of course, is bad friends to save up to $600.

Speaker 2 Hydro.com, code is bad friends. So that's interesting.

Speaker 2 You're probably not at night, though. It's probably scary.
No, not at night. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, that's why I remember.

Speaker 2 What is the Filipino association with the afterlife? And I mean this because you know how, like, dias de les muertas. So in Latin culture, it's a celebration of life.

Speaker 2 Here, it's like, ooh, scary bullshit. Is it the same there? We couldn't have this

Speaker 3 dia de los muertos.

Speaker 2 It's called cala kalagalag spirit spirit.

Speaker 3 And it's kind of the same.

Speaker 2 Why can't you just be kalag?

Speaker 2 Why don't you say it twice? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Calag calag. Listen.
Spirit, spirit. That's why.
That's how they would say it. Oh.
Spirit, spirit. Yeah.
That's like a frog saying spirit. Spirit, spirit.
Cala kalag is spirit-spirit.

Speaker 2 That's kind of what... That's the same as Dia de las Huertos or whatever.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and we go to the cemetery and we bring food for the dead.

Speaker 2 But if I said kalag, right? You wouldn't know what I was saying. I'd say it twice.

Speaker 3 No, it's not the same.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute, you bring food for the dead? Don't didn't you guys not have a lot of food as kids? So you'd sacrifice food for the dead?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but we also eat it. Like, we wait and pray, and then we eat it.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a guarantee. That's guaranteed.
Okay, he's not going to eat it holiday episode.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 You put it on the gravestone and then wait five minutes.

Speaker 2 Basically, you're having just dinner at the graveyard.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Dinner at the graveyard.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and there's always drinking, and then yeah, it's funny.

Speaker 2 Do you guys throw parties like that in Spain? No, you don't do that. You do the masks and stuff.

Speaker 2 That's Mexican culture. Oh, my God.
What do the Spanish do?

Speaker 2 They don't do anything. You guys are not fun, dude.
It's not fun. It's not.
What is with Spain being so fun? People go to the cemetery. They clean their graves.

Speaker 2 That might be the saddest thing. There was a video on fucking TikTok the other day of a guy cleaning graves.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was cleaning people's graves. No, during the middle of the day, like cleaning.
Oh. Like to be nice.
And then a little kid walks up. I mean, dude, I almost started crying.
It's in the video.

Speaker 2 They're videotaping him cleaning. And a little kid walks up and goes, hi, mom, to one of the graves.
And I was like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 It shattered my fucking soul. And the guy cleans graves like this.
There's a guy that goes around. I don't know where it was, but he's all over TikTok.
He just cleans graves because they're dirty.

Speaker 2 He wants them to look nice. I saw TikTok, all right, of a father giving

Speaker 2 his son a teddy bear. Like for his birthday or whatever.
Yeah. And his mom had just died like six months before, right?

Speaker 2 And so, you know, this kid's like, teddy bear, right? Oh, I know.

Speaker 2 And the kid, what, what is it? It's got her voice in it. Yeah, and you press it, and he goes, I miss you, Timmy.

Speaker 2 Why is that funny?

Speaker 2 Why is that funny?

Speaker 2 Because it's so cruel to me. You know what I mean? No, it's beautiful.
You get it.

Speaker 2 It's not. It's like.
Let me see it.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is one. Yeah, one more.

Speaker 2 There you go. Now go ahead.
You gotta touch the hands one at a time.

Speaker 2 Oh man, that's gonna make me.

Speaker 2 Why is that funny? You're insane.

Speaker 2 It's so cruel. It's so cruel.
Can you imagine? I'm gonna get Bobby.

Speaker 2 I'm gonna get Bobby. You cried? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, Rudy. Are you being real? You cried.
Oh, my God. That's so funny.
It's so sad. Oh, my God.
It's so sad. Let me have a response.
Cut out my response. No, it's fuck you.
Maybe it's too much.

Speaker 2 Maybe Maybe you're not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 2 Let's see a little bit of comedy just to bring us back.

Speaker 2 It's sad, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah. This is a commercial for a cement company.

Speaker 2 We're still doing this. Hold on.
Andrew said he wants to see some comedy. I just want to see a little bit of comedy.
Oh, let's do a comedy. All right, right.

Speaker 2 Oh, cute.

Speaker 2 Nagar Juna. That's insane.
They're saying if they built the Twin Towers, they would have never fallen.

Speaker 2 Anyway.

Speaker 2 That is so funny. I'm sorry for laughing at that video.
No, you're not. I really am.

Speaker 2 Because the first time I saw it, I cried. If I get you a golf club and it makes a noise when you swing and it goes, are you gay?

Speaker 2 It's just your dad.

Speaker 2 And I grab it.

Speaker 2 Damn, issue. That's really funny.
If you had your dad in something, you would cry.

Speaker 2 You would cry. You'd cry.
It depends on what he says. Yeah.
You know what I mean? If he says something that like I didn't expect

Speaker 2 that was really like sentimental, then

Speaker 2 well, if we're on the subject of death, I want to say something serious for two seconds. Stay crying.

Speaker 2 We had a beautiful show in Long Beach, California. One of our fans passed away that was on the show with us.
Do you remember this guy? We brought him on stage.

Speaker 2 He passed away, sadly, but we got some love from his family saying, thank you. We don't know.
We didn't inquire. But we want to give a shout out to Devin's family.
We love you guys.

Speaker 2 He's fucking terrible. I know, but how beautiful his family is.
Why do you show me this photo? Is he in there? Yeah, we were going to show you the video. Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 But his family said that thank you guys for. What did the family say? Just say.

Speaker 2 I believe it was his girlfriend. And she was just like, she was talking.
She's single. She was just like.
That girl in the beanie is hot. Did you just hear what Carlos just said?

Speaker 2 That girl in the beanie? No, real quick. Did you hear what Carlos just said? But just stop stopping.
Who's single?

Speaker 2 That's so you're a piece of shit it's so good

Speaker 2 you're a fucking piece of shit

Speaker 2 wait a week okay yeah oh it's already been a week okay yeah you're clear we'll see single then he said what she was basically just like thanks don't say basically just say literally

Speaker 2 thanks for showing him love like he's like a big fan like thanks thanks bad for let me see let me see let's see this is this is our boy Devin

Speaker 2 huh

Speaker 2 You don't know? Pick two people. Come on, buddy.
We can't. I just come up on stage.
You, come up on stage. Fuck it.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2 I was picking murderers, to be honest. I know.
I know. We were making fun.

Speaker 2 That's him. What's your name, dude?

Speaker 2 Devin. Oh, god, damn, man.
Yeah. Monday's.

Speaker 2 I'm Devin. No laugh.
Devin, where are you from? I am from La Marada, California. Hell yeah.
What do you do? What do you do, Dev?

Speaker 2 I live.

Speaker 2 My answer would be barely, but I do. Oh, pause.
Push, push, push, pause, pause, push, pause. You know,

Speaker 2 honestly, dude, let me just say. In the moment.
No, honestly, dude.

Speaker 2 Honestly, that's fucking fucked. In the moment.

Speaker 2 You're a piece of fucking shit, dude. What a piece of fucking garbage that you murdered that guy.
You have a death touch, yeah. In the moment, it was very funny.
It got a good laugh. We talk about it.

Speaker 2 Sit down.

Speaker 2 That got a good laugh. Pretty good laugh.
He actually was cracking up. I will say this before we continue.
Everything that we do to our fans is because we love them and we were having fun with them.

Speaker 2 And he was having a fucking great time. Even though you.
I don't want to see the rest. Oh, you do.
You do.

Speaker 2 Did you get in here? Did you buy tickets? My girlfriend brought me. Did you sneak in here, Devin? Yeah.

Speaker 2 He lives here. Under the board.
He's like, I'm here to clean up, but they told me to come early. All right, Dev Dog.
We love you, man. And we hope you win because

Speaker 2 I got some gift cards for you. I need them.
All right. Bobby.

Speaker 2 You fucked up. I you fucked up.
We love you. I'm kidding.
I'm fucking with you guys. Okay, here we go.
What grisly animal lives in Chicago? What grisly creature? Yes, Devin. Your mother.

Speaker 2 Fuck you, Devin, you son of a bitch. Fuck you.
Yeah. You son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 Devin, you son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 In your face.

Speaker 2 You know what, Devin? You know what? I'd come over there, but I don't want to catch anything, Pat. Andrew.
Andrew.

Speaker 2 I got a fart. Oh, good.
Thank God.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Well, I'll be put that in his face.

Speaker 2 Oh, do you? Let's see it.

Speaker 2 Fart Mike, right?

Speaker 2 Maybe that did it.

Speaker 2 Oh, no. Look at his face.
Maybe that did it. I will say, this guy was a great sport.
He had a lot of fun. He was rad.
And he took a bunch of jokes. We were making fun of him, and he was having fun.

Speaker 2 I was there, I remember. Like, all good, bad friends fans can take a good fucking joke, and he was awesome.
So rest in peace to Devin. Sorry, Devin.

Speaker 2 Sorry, Devin. I'm so sorry.
Let's say it again. No, no, no.
Leave that in. Because what the fuck? No, no.

Speaker 2 So sorry. Rest in peace, Devin.
What do you have to say with a voice? I don't. Just say, rest in peace, Devin.

Speaker 3 Why are you smiling?

Speaker 2 I'm not. Why are you smiling? You're smiling.

Speaker 2 By the way, he would love this. Yeah, he would love this.

Speaker 2 All right, just relax, okay? Rest in peace, Devin.

Speaker 2 Devin, what's that? And to your family. No, don't.

Speaker 2 Why'd you laugh? Why are you doing that? Why'd you laugh just now, dude? God, we're sorry. Why are you laughing? Because you're double-piecing a guy who passed away.
Like,

Speaker 2 what the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 I'm so... See, here's the thing.
Every funeral I go to, I laugh. You have to.
Yeah, because I just can't handle it. It's hard to cry.
It's so painful to me. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So it's like, you know what I mean? David. Well, we love you, Big D.

Speaker 2 We love you, Big D. And rest in peace to his family.
We love you guys, too. And thank you for being bad friends.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Anyway. Wow.
Anyway. I just had to try.
Maybe save that for the end of the show, you know? Nah. Not in the middle.
It's important in the middle. Yeah, yeah.
It's important because it was real.

Speaker 2 How many funerals have have you been to? Just one. Who?

Speaker 3 My great-grandma.

Speaker 2 Your great-grandma. Did you know her well?

Speaker 3 Yeah, but she was also crazy and evil.

Speaker 2 Oh, what do you mean? Did she curse you?

Speaker 3 No, she would just like to steal. She would do drugs.

Speaker 2 She hated everyone.

Speaker 2 Is it Carlos?

Speaker 2 Carlancho? Your great-grandmother doing drugs.

Speaker 2 It's insane. Pretty good.
Like, what kind of drugs?

Speaker 3 Meth.

Speaker 2 Wow. How old is she?

Speaker 3 I don't know, like, 60-something.

Speaker 2 Wow. 60?

Speaker 2 That's not old.

Speaker 3 And she had like a method.

Speaker 2 60 to die. Yeah, but 60 to do meth is crazy.
Your body, I don't know how your body handles. Did she die from meth?

Speaker 3 I don't know. It just happened like suddenly.

Speaker 2 Did you cry? Probably from the meth.

Speaker 2 Did you cry?

Speaker 3 Me cry? Yeah?

Speaker 2 A little bit.

Speaker 3 No, you didn't.

Speaker 3 I was crying because other people were crying.

Speaker 2 All right. Does that say in the Philippines you guys have funerals for seven days?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 What? What?

Speaker 2 And the family will hold a wake-up for up to seven days in honor of their loved one?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because we think the soul is still there and it's confused.

Speaker 2 Seven days? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 2 It needs a week to get its shit together. Directions.
Yeah, so

Speaker 2 how do I get to Heban? Yeah, yeah. Which way is Hebon? What's confused about what?

Speaker 3 Like, what happened to it? Like, oh, am I dead? Like, where am I going?

Speaker 2 It takes seven days to realize that?

Speaker 3 That's what they say.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 And then, like, people go to that place and then they, like, gamble.

Speaker 2 On the casket?

Speaker 3 No, no, no. It's just the casket.
And then outside of the house.

Speaker 2 You gamble if whether or not he's going to find his way into the afternoon? No, let's play games. Oh, just for fun.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 Gamble, like, drink. Like, there's so many relatives that are like drunk.

Speaker 2 Many Filipinos believe that the soul of the dead wanders the earth for 40 days after his or her death. You think they walk around for 40 fucking days?

Speaker 2 Why the laughter? It just seems unlikely. What is that? Pasayam? It seems unlikely we've been doing it.
Is that what it's called? Pasayam? Pagsayam? Pagsi Siam. Pagsisiam.
They pray

Speaker 2 for nine days.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you believe people are just chilling for 40 days. This is funny, though, to be honest.
Of all people that would die and need to take time to get to the afterlife, it's YOU.

Speaker 2 You think you're going to fucking take a direct flight to the afterlife? You're going to take your time. When you die, you probably need seven days to get there.

Speaker 2 First of all, on the first day of the day. Yeah, but it's not out of confusion.

Speaker 2 No, Confucius says. No, no, no, no.
What I'm saying is. You're going to take seven days.

Speaker 2 I'll take seven days.

Speaker 2 Don't get me. You're going to get me angry today.

Speaker 2 To you. Don't.

Speaker 2 Fuck you. Okay.
Or let me say something.

Speaker 2 Stop. What's this painting? That's the painting of this whole situation.
Oh, this whole situation. That's kind of a.

Speaker 2 What's up with that trick's big tits? Yeah. Do you get to suck her tits in the afterlife?

Speaker 2 Is that what what that is? No, but the seven days I'll purposely wander around, right? Just to see what's going on, how people are reacting and stuff.

Speaker 2 You want to know what people are saying about you. Well, rest in peace to ourselves

Speaker 2 to our business. Rest in peace for that.
And let's move on. Let's not talk about that.
Let's go. Positive, positive.
Well, she started it with all this Filipino nonsense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And the Filipino nonsense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's this? You good? I'm good. Are you biting your nails again? Yeah.
Why? I don't know. You've got to cut it out.

Speaker 2 You know there's poop under your nails?

Speaker 3 Oh, I clean my hands. I'm not like you guys.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Are you watching Shogun?

Speaker 3 No, but I'm watching

Speaker 3 Dairy Girls.

Speaker 2 Oh, so good. Yeah, you're pointing at me when you do that?

Speaker 2 Were you pointing at me? What is Dairy Girls? It's such a complicated comedy, right? It's from England. It's so fucking funny.
Irish.

Speaker 3 And I've been trying to do their accent.

Speaker 2 Let's hear you do their accent. This is great.
Okay.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry, Claire. I'm just not that into you.

Speaker 3 Not interested in me?

Speaker 2 Look at the state of you.

Speaker 2 That's pretty pretty fucking good, dude. Almost just sounds like a white person, but it's good.
Sorry, Claire.

Speaker 3 Sorry, Claire.

Speaker 2 Not India. Not India.
Not India. Sorry, Claire.
Not India. Daddy Girls.
Daddy Girls. Dude, they're so fucking funny.

Speaker 2 Have you seen the show? No, I've heard of it, though. So good.
It's good. They're fantastic.
You love it? How many seasons is it? Just three. Three or four, right? Three.
Three. And it's over.

Speaker 2 Fallout now? I don't know. Okay.
You don't know her. It's so good.
Okay. Our good friend Johnny Pemberton's in Fallout.
It's amazing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Very good too. I haven't seen it.
It's based on the video game. Yeah.
Yeah. It's my favorite video game.
Anyway, let's not talk about shows anymore.

Speaker 2 Why can't I get into stuff like that? What? I like preemptively because it's a video game. I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 You know, it's funny. People have seen it that didn't even know it was a video game.
Yeah, that's what I've heard that people like it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But if you do play the video game, you literally go

Speaker 2 after like three scenes, you go, oh, yeah, they have it right. They got it, and it's it, and it's one of those games when I was playing it back in the day.

Speaker 2 I'd be like, There's no way they'll do a show on this, it's too hard, and they did it, you know. Well, they also made Grand Theft Auto

Speaker 2 movie, really, it happens every day. I leave my fucking house.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, dude? Honestly, I was driving today under one of the bridges, and they were five city trucks, five city trucks, two cops,

Speaker 2 one guy to spray off the piss and shit off the sidewalk. Yeah, one guy to collect his tents and all that stuff.

Speaker 2 And it's one dude, and it's five city trucks to move one guy from out from under a bridge. I'm like, this is Grand Theft Auto.
We live in fucking Grand Theft Auto. It's like a movie.

Speaker 2 It is like a bad movie. I saw a man.
This city is fucking mad. It's so fucked.
Awful. I saw a man.
He was on some sort of drugs, right? And he was like half naked.

Speaker 2 Traffic. Like Western.
What's so funny? Nothing. Like Western and Olympic-y, right? Yeah.
And he fell on his ass 42 times. 42 times.
yeah. I counted, and I would, the light wasn't that long.

Speaker 2 We go one, two, three. I was with my friend Haley, four, five.
He kept falling, and we just started beckling, laughing. But then he was in traffic, like cars whizzing by him, and he's falling on him.

Speaker 2 But he's in the middle of the road. Oh, yeah.
Well, you didn't go help him? What am I going to do? Well, I don't know, shuffle him along or something. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So I, it was, but then sadness occurred, and I'm like, oh, this is, you know, it's so funny. You look around, and things you shouldn't accept, you accept.
Like homelessness?

Speaker 2 Not just homelessness, things that you see, like, you know, a syringe next to a baby shoe.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like, why are these together in the middle of the street? You know what I mean? Like, things that you shouldn't, and you just kind of walk by them. It is what it is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you see a naked dude. You're like, amen, sucka, sucka, sucka, you know?

Speaker 2 And you're like, and you try to walk around him. And like, have a good day, sir.
It's like,

Speaker 2 these are things in society we shouldn't accept. We should help.
Sometimes it brings you joy.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, Sakasaka?

Speaker 2 Amen.

Speaker 2 I was at the, at Fairfax, Fairfax, you know, where all the stores are by Supreme and all that shit. I was waiting at that light by Cantors.
I'm not kidding. I was having kind of a shitty day.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm sitting. I just look over to my left just to glance, and there's the bus stop there.
And there's a woman with her pants on her ankles taking a shit. On the bus bench.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And a guy is sitting there on the bus bench.

Speaker 2 He's just sitting there. Yeah, yeah.
And she's pooping on the bench right next to him. He doesn't even glance over.
He just lets her shit right at the bus bench. I was dying laughing, yeah.

Speaker 2 It made my day, yeah, it was fucking hilarious. Wait, it's not okay, it's not okay.
I feel bad, but it was very funny to watch someone just poop on a bench with a guy sitting there.

Speaker 2 That guy's just trying to go to work, yeah, and she's just shitting right on the bus bench.

Speaker 2 It was so fucking funny. I was like, this is insane.
This city is fucking terrible. Why do we live here? By the way, yeah, I just want to say, we can't reveal what happened at Family Feud.

Speaker 2 Oh, can we talk about it? So,

Speaker 2 I don't know about you guys,

Speaker 2 but I was nervous. Yeah, I was so anxious.
I was so anxious because I'm wearing a suit. We're driving up there.
You looked good. Yeah, I think you did too.
We looked great. We were sharp as we were.

Speaker 2 We looked sharp. We show up at the place, and then once you go into the studio, you're like, there it is.
It's real.

Speaker 2 It's real. Flava Flav had all 55 of his family members.
Yeah. We had no entourage.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's that?

Speaker 2 What's that fucking face? You could have had one entourage. Didn't want you.
Didn't want you there.

Speaker 2 Sorry?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. If we were going to have somebody else there, Rudy was invited.

Speaker 3 No, you didn't.

Speaker 2 Yes, you were invited not to be on the show. You're Rudy.
You told me. You fucking liar.
We invited you to the show, not to be on the show, but you were invited to come and have.

Speaker 2 Yes, you fucking were.

Speaker 2 Yes, you were.

Speaker 3 No one told me.

Speaker 2 That's your fault.

Speaker 2 Anyway, my team was. Get told.

Speaker 2 My team was me, Andrew. This is the order.
Kalila,

Speaker 2 Esther, and my friend Gene. Love Gene Hong the best.

Speaker 2 Gene and Esther should have switched. Yeah.
Flava Flav came in swinging. He came in.
You don't know who that is.

Speaker 3 Is Steve Harvey's teeth really white?

Speaker 2 I'm glad you're back on the show. Yeah, yeah, me too.

Speaker 2 Is his teeth really white?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's what they they say.

Speaker 2 Every time he came up and said something to me,

Speaker 2 so sweet and nice, I couldn't help but think about Cat Williams' interview talking shit about him. Yeah.
Isn't that crazy? Crazy.

Speaker 2 It was like running through my mind that that guy has that much weight now. We had a great time.
It was a wonderful experience. It was.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I'd love to go back and do it again.

Speaker 2 If your family ever does it. If my family ever does it, you'll be on it, of course.
And you will not.

Speaker 2 Yeah. But you'll be invited.

Speaker 3 That's fine,

Speaker 2 but

Speaker 2 as we're leaving,

Speaker 2 oh my god, today I just want to finish this. Well, finish it,

Speaker 2 you're allowed to take a break.

Speaker 2 I just felt pressure.

Speaker 2 There is no pressure. I was chewing too much.
This is chewy Skittles, man. These are really good, though.
Where are these from? Japan. A gas station.

Speaker 2 A gas station.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know. Put the nice one.
But

Speaker 2 it's one of those... Family thing is one of those things where you watch it on YouTube and you never in your wildest dreams would think that you would ever be on it.
Right.

Speaker 2 You know, him and I were kind of crazy. You know what I mean? You know.
Idiots. We're idiots.
You know,

Speaker 2 and they used to have like, you know.

Speaker 2 Respectable families on there. You know what I mean? Well, who was before us? Ken Marino and the Osmonds.
Yeah. Donnie Osmond and his whole family.
And then us.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're really scraping at the bottom, right? That's why we're getting asked. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But it was like.

Speaker 2 It was fun, though.

Speaker 2 It was fun, though. It was like, and we were leaving.
I was just like, wow, we just did that. That was incredible.
Well, I'll tell you,

Speaker 2 I have something to report to you. What is it?

Speaker 2 Everybody knows that we've been talking about playing in Abu Dhabi. We're excited to go there.
We got a list from the promoter. We are not allowed.

Speaker 2 I knew this was going to happen. We can't do it then.
No, no, we have just absolutely, undoubtedly, no nudity. Like literally nothing.
Like nothing. I mean like.
It's different punishment there.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay, I can abide by it. I know you can.

Speaker 2 But I'm letting you know.

Speaker 2 That's not insane. This is a no-joke.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, like, we can say what we want on stage.
It's so weird, though. No nudity.
Yeah, it's so weird. Not really.
Really?

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 people don't want butthole stuff all the time. Yeah, but sometimes.
We do.

Speaker 2 Everyone wants butthole some of the times. Raise your hand in this room if you want butthole stuff all the time.
No, some of the times. Some of the times.
Okay. All the time.
All the time. Too much.

Speaker 2 Thank you Matt.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he does too.

Speaker 2 So send the list.

Speaker 2 What else? Oh, it says, it says very, and it says,

Speaker 2 it says, like, under no circumstances will any of this be violated or we will be, it'll be terminated, right? So then we'll lose out on the contract. Okay.
Public nudity is against the law.

Speaker 2 And there are also signs in malls, shopping center advocates, modest clothing. So this says, check this out.

Speaker 2 This is, some of these are so easy. Okay, good.
No consumption of alcoholic beverages. I mean,

Speaker 2 I said it. While in public, this is interesting.
Live streaming through professional platforms without a permit, meaning doing like TikTok live or Instagram live, is illegal.

Speaker 2 Permits are obtained easily.

Speaker 2 If we want to request to get a permit to film in public, but if you're caught filming in public, highly illegal without permit. Okay.
This one's going to be tough for you and I.

Speaker 2 Making rude gestures in public is not permitted. It's going to be tough.
What do you mean, rude gestures?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 in public. I think outside in public.
Like on stage.

Speaker 2 Public outside. Stage is a.

Speaker 2 So I can show a butthole on stage. No, what the fuck did you do?

Speaker 2 You said, okay, I don't know. No.
So

Speaker 2 butthole nowhere. Nowhere.
How about in my hotel room? If I'm in there, yes. Okay.

Speaker 2 Making rude gestures in public, plus on stage, insulting UAE royal family government members, et cetera, not permitted. Wow, that's what goes 20 minutes.
I know.

Speaker 2 It's my first show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 On stage, no consumption of alcoholic beverages. Great.
I'm sober. Smoking is absolutely not permitted on stage.
Okay. In the venue.

Speaker 2 I've never done that. And on stage, of no kind, no form, nudity at all.
Yeah, you just said that. That's what it says multiple times.
Okay, okay, multiple times.

Speaker 2 So they just want to make sure that we know. Okay.
But in terms of, because I remember the first time I went, I went there many, many years ago with Eric Griffin and Sebastian Monascal Cow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And the list was no talking of religion.

Speaker 2 What? Yeah. No talking about sexual of any nature.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I was like, literally going, crossing out, like blacking out 90% of my act. I'm like, I was supposed to feature.

Speaker 2 And I go, guys, I looked at both of those guys. I go, Good luck.
I'm hosting.

Speaker 2 Because then I can, like, kill time by crowd work and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 We can be fined up to $50,000 for what? For nudity. I'm not going to do it.
Why do you keep saying that? Because I want to really lay it on you. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I'll tell you what you did the other night, dude. What did I do? We did a live show, and you go, show them.

Speaker 2 Did you not do that?

Speaker 2 Inside in.

Speaker 2 No, on stage. It was in not Niagara Falls, but Old War.

Speaker 2 In Windsor? Windsor. Yeah, but Windsor, it's fine.
Right, but if you say that.

Speaker 2 I know my point, though, being is if you say in Abu Dhabi,

Speaker 2 show it or a wink or any of that nature,

Speaker 2 I will do it. Well, it's good to know I got that power.
Okay. I got that power.
Don't do it. Power of that butthole.
Yeah, baby. I promise I won't.
I don't want to get. Can you imagine?

Speaker 2 That's a movie in the making. We go to Abu Dhabi, you show your butthole, and we're in prison.
That's a 17-hour flight. 18 fucking hours.
We're going to get over there.

Speaker 2 Does it stop anywhere? No, that's direct. That's direct.
We're not doing direct. No, there's.
I think it's got total flight from LAX to DXB is 17 hours, 11 minutes. Wow.

Speaker 2 And then.

Speaker 2 And then we turn around and come right back home. The next day? No, we're supposed to do some stuff.
Let's do some stuff. Are you all going to do that? I think so.

Speaker 2 I've never seen a camel thing up close.

Speaker 2 I've always seen a camel toe.

Speaker 2 You've never seen a camel up at all? No. And I'll I'll tell you the animals I've never seen.
Camel. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Kangaroo.

Speaker 2 Wombat. Well, you're going to see all that when we go to Australia at the end of the day.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I've never seen any of those.
Walla, I don't think I've ever seen it. Tasmanian devil.

Speaker 2 Never seen a task. There's a lot.
Honey badger. There's a lot.
Alligator, crocodile? Yeah, I don't want to go on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just realized there's a lot.

Speaker 2 You've never seen anything, really. Yeah, yeah.
What is that? A fennel fox? Animals in the UAE. Oh, those are cute.
Fennel foxes. Can we take one of those back? Dude, look how cute they are.

Speaker 2 Will they freak out if we bring one home? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's so cute. They're so cute.
Now, what the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 It's bison or something. No, that looks like an antelope.

Speaker 2 Bison. I know what bison looks like.

Speaker 2 Give me a photo. Another photo.
Give me another photo.

Speaker 2 There we go. Zoom in on that.
Let me guess. The right is a

Speaker 2 pelican. Flamingo.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Monkey.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Lion. And that's a giraffe, right? A giraffe.
A giraffe. Yeah, yeah.
A giraffe. Yeah.
Have you seen a giraffe? Yeah. What kind of weird animals are in the Philippines that we'll never see?

Speaker 2 Well, those bats we saw. We already talked about those bats.

Speaker 2 Whoa. Whoa.

Speaker 2 What is that? It's a hawk. No.

Speaker 2 Eagle. What about that? Oh, there we go.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What is that? Tarshier? What? Tarshear.
Tarshear.

Speaker 2 That's three in the morning, Greg. That's goop.

Speaker 2 I was just thinking the exact same thing. That's goop.
Yeah, yeah. That's 100% goop.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Armadillo.

Speaker 2 Okay. All right, let's forget this fuck.
What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Let's regroup. What is going on in your life, Rudy?

Speaker 3 I've been reading, like, fairy smuts.

Speaker 3 And it's like.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, man? It's like a fantasy novel.

Speaker 3 And then I'm just reading it because there's so many hot, spicy

Speaker 3 things to read

Speaker 3 like fucking

Speaker 3 and like

Speaker 3 you're reading fairy fucking fairies with like the ears that are long and they're like magical like people

Speaker 2 yeah fairies are pretty mythological but pretty magical yeah but they're even like

Speaker 2 longer and they're like so hot can you do okay wait wait stop what the fuck not that dude the titties on that fucking fairy is so good wait a minute you're looking at fairy porno basically it's fairy porn.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 How do I find it?

Speaker 3 It's a novel. Can you do A Court of Mist and Fury?

Speaker 3 Raisan. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Risan.

Speaker 2 Okay, that guy. Okay, zoom into that photo.

Speaker 3 Okay, so they have wings. They're called bad.

Speaker 2 Let's zoom in more. Sorry.

Speaker 2 I don't see wings, bud.

Speaker 2 Those three guys, they have wings. The ears on the bottom, the three in the bottom.
Let's go to the bottom. No, not them.

Speaker 2 Those are fairies. Look at the ears.
Are they L?

Speaker 3 Oh, they turned. They turned into.

Speaker 2 Oh, they transition. Yeah.
Because some people.

Speaker 2 Oh, this is progressive. It's progressive.
But the boys

Speaker 2 are girls.

Speaker 3 Boys.

Speaker 2 But they are girls when they transition. No.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 But the voice.

Speaker 2 They say. Are you seeing the voice? Boys.
The boys. The boys.
The boys.

Speaker 2 The men. Yeah.
They're called boys.

Speaker 2 Are they under 18? No, they're young. They call men then.

Speaker 3 But they're called bat boys.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'm a bat boy. Yeah, and they but but boy, but but but but but but boy it's just so hot.
I'm a little bat boy. But boy.
I'm a butt, but but but boy. They're butt boys? Come on sex with me.

Speaker 2 I'm a bat boy. Do they have butt sex?

Speaker 3 Not in the book. Okay.

Speaker 2 So you're reading these erotic novels, but they're all based on fairy fucking. Yeah.
Wow. Is it romantic? Do they go to high school? They're like buildings.

Speaker 3 Yeah, it's romantic. It's like serious, but I just like it because of the sex part.

Speaker 2 Wow,

Speaker 2 it's so hot.

Speaker 3 I just so gross, and then when they fuck, they say if you touch their wings, they like orgasm fast

Speaker 2 if you play with their wings. That's that's how they come.
Imagine this, imagine this. Imagine this, right? You're down there, right? You're down there.

Speaker 2 This isn't working.

Speaker 2 Is that what you mean?

Speaker 2 You touch their wings. Why don't you just go for the wings at the beginning? Yeah, why don't you go right for the wings? Well, foreplay.
Oh, foreplay.

Speaker 2 Foreplay is just regular sex. Then you stroke the wings.
That's.

Speaker 3 And if you have longer wings, that means you have a longer wing.

Speaker 2 Oh, also, the black ones have the longer ones.

Speaker 2 Is there any little Asian, little Asian flames?

Speaker 2 They probably can't even fly.

Speaker 3 But I want to be in that world.

Speaker 2 That's who you want to be.

Speaker 2 You want to be in a fantasy world. Don't turn into one of these people that dynamically changes their.
Are you going to get plastic surgery to become a fantastic person? Cosplay it. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Do you cosplay it?

Speaker 3 No, that's cringe. Okay.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's cringe. That's cringe.
But this isn't cringe, though. Touch my wings.
Touch my wings. Is that what you say?

Speaker 2 I don't know if the author had that in mind with that voice, but. I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it is. I don't know what's going on.
Touch my wings. That's my wing.

Speaker 2 You gotta touch my wings. Yeah.
That's interesting. Are there other creatures in that world?

Speaker 3 There's different creatures.

Speaker 2 Name me one.

Speaker 2 Like sirens?

Speaker 3 They're sirens, but they're ugly.

Speaker 2 The sirens are ugly. Yeah.
These are gargoyles.

Speaker 3 There's different kinds. There's even like the half-horse, half-centaur.

Speaker 2 Centaur. Yeah.

Speaker 3 There's different kinds. But I like the bat voice because they're the hottest.

Speaker 2 The Court of Mist and Fury.

Speaker 3 It's a series.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine how much money these people make writing this show? And then the movie writes.

Speaker 2 Is it good enough to be in the movie? No. I don't think so.

Speaker 3 Well, it's not going to be good if it's like a person playing it.

Speaker 2 This is Election Night in Seoul Korea. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I always

Speaker 2 stay up for these. What? I love it.
I'm very interested. This is their coverage.
Yeah, there we go. Wait, where's the volume?

Speaker 2 It's great.

Speaker 2 It's all AI generated?

Speaker 2 Whoa.

Speaker 2 See, they're having fun with it. It's like Tekken.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this is like Tekken. Fight.
Mission Impossible. This is Mission Impossible the last one.
Yeah, Mission Impossible. Boom.

Speaker 2 So one guy's winning 62% to 38%. He's fucking smoking them.
Smoking them.

Speaker 2 I will change the roads.

Speaker 2 I will change a bulletproof vest for free.

Speaker 2 And we both go to fight.

Speaker 2 This isn't Mission Impossible because the train and everything, that's so funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 See, they know how to do it fun. That's fun.
How come we can't do it fun? Could we take ourselves serious? Is that what it is? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why don't we do it here? Like British Parliament. How come we don't do that kind of shit? Where it's all wacky and they yell at each other.

Speaker 2 And a lot of these European countries now, they don't have the death penalty. I didn't realize that.

Speaker 2 We should still have the death penalty. I don't think so.
You don't think so at all?

Speaker 2 I don't think eye for an eye is the thing. Do you think? I think it's cruel.

Speaker 3 Not even if it's a mass shooter.

Speaker 2 oh yeah yeah that for sure so what are you talking about exactly i just changed my mind that's why i wouldn't be a good politician well no that's why i would change so quickly i just think

Speaker 2 i stand for you know i mean strict borders and somebody got like

Speaker 2 yeah uh i stand for strict borders and uh heavy

Speaker 2 building a wall heckles who's gonna build the wall dude you're right about that no wall

Speaker 2 that's a great politician what that's a great politician that is actually what they're good at capital punishment has been completely abolished in all european countries except for belarus and Russia.

Speaker 2 Shout out to fucking Belarus and Russia. That's nice.
The latter of which has a moratorium and has not carried out an execution since September 1996. If you do heinous, crazy shit,

Speaker 2 I think we got to. Yeah,

Speaker 2 but there are some people that are, you know, falsely accused of a crime and they're in death row. Okay, how about this?

Speaker 2 If you're not falsely accused, if you're the one that's like, yeah, I went to that thing and shot all those people. It's like, well, then we're going to get you.

Speaker 2 Hmm. But isn't it more punishment being in a cell your whole life?

Speaker 2 Here's the debate: we pay for it as taxpayers. So you're like, do you want to just pay for them or do you want to just get rid of him? Because he's killed so many people.

Speaker 2 Okay, I'll promote something else. There you go.
Maybe propose something else? Totally. Okay.
Do it quickly.

Speaker 2 As soon as the next day.

Speaker 2 You're saying, oh, because, right, there's like thousands of people still on death rows. Right, because we're paying all the tax, right? It's just.

Speaker 3 No, but you should torture them.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
A week of torture. A month.
A month of torture. Yeah.
Or the seven days that you're supposed to be gone. The seven days

Speaker 2 in the Filipino law. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So look at that. 2,4,500 people are still on death row.
They're just chilling. They're chilling.
It's not going to happen for most of them.

Speaker 2 What kind of torture would you think should happen?

Speaker 3 You know, the one they did in Game of Thrones where they put a mouse.

Speaker 2 Yeah. They just put a mouse on the belly.
That is so disgusting. So it chews through a bucket.
A mouse. A rat that chews through the abdomen.
Yeah. Okay.
You got there. I got there.

Speaker 2 It's that's that would be unbelievably bad to me.

Speaker 2 A rat chewing through your stomach isn't that bad. How about this one? How about we put you down at the bottom of a well and we just lower a little bit of water down there every day.

Speaker 2 Just a little bit of water every day. What does that do? It keeps you alive because you're going to go nuts.
Oh, down the well? Yeah, you're going to go nuts. How long can you live with just water?

Speaker 2 A while. A pretty long time.
Yeah, yeah. Until, how long can you live on just water?

Speaker 2 I got to tell you, it is longer. It's a long time, but it's not two to three months.
It's pretty good, though. Two to three months.
But think about that. That's a sling.
Can you eat your fingernails?

Speaker 2 You can eat your whole body if you wanted to. Yeah.
Or if that, well, if other people have used it, because I thought about this during, like in Silence of the Lambs, you know how that late.

Speaker 2 That's such a good movie. Great movie.
Remember, she looked at the walls and there were nails.

Speaker 2 I would eat those.

Speaker 2 A metal, what is that? How painful. The brazen bull.
Oh, right. The slow and truly agonizing death to the person inside.

Speaker 2 The device was engineered to convert the screams of suffering victims into sounds that were eerily similar to the bellowing of a bull. So you're stuck inside the bellowing bull.

Speaker 2 How about this? Brazen Bull. That's what it's called.
You take a man, a man, who's like completely like,

Speaker 2 you know, an alpha male.

Speaker 2 Right? He's, oh, that's crazy. That's how Jesus died?

Speaker 2 They cooked him inside of a bull? And they organized the horn to just.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 That's how they know dinner's served?

Speaker 3 What about for men?

Speaker 2 Cut off their penis, cut off their penis.

Speaker 3 No, you just, they just get like fisted.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take it. No, I'm going to take you further.

Speaker 2 You get a surgeon.

Speaker 2 You take a man, you give them all female parts, right?

Speaker 2 And then you have...

Speaker 2 You charge a cover. Oh, wow, yeah.

Speaker 2 You can make the money back. This is pretty expensive.

Speaker 2 No, because you're going to make it back. You're going to have to pass in somebody.
Yeah. But you're going to make the money back by the cover.
What are you charging? How much?

Speaker 2 What? $500.

Speaker 2 Come on. You got to make it more economical.
$1,000. $100.
Oh, $100. $100.
And you can just... It's about volume at this point.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
And just imagine, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Oh, uh-uh. You know.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I'm sorry for robbing that bank.

Speaker 2 What if we tied people to a helicopter and you got to pinata them?

Speaker 2 Ooh. That's kind of wild, right? I got something better.
Give it to me.

Speaker 2 A water slide.

Speaker 2 It's a water slide. It sounds fun.

Speaker 2 You think you're going to have a good time. Okay.
Yeah. You get in, you have your short, your favorite bathing suit on, right?

Speaker 2 There's a guy up there going, all right, have fun, buddy. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 2 You slide down,

Speaker 2 but the fucking gets thinner and thinner.

Speaker 2 Right? Slide, yeah. The slide.
And then eventually you get stuck. Right?

Speaker 2 Right. Wow.
And then the water, because water slides have water, you drown in it. Ooh.
Ooh.

Speaker 2 How do we get you unstuck for the next guy, though? You pile them on. Whoa, okay.
Right? So you're like on top of each other. Right.
Right. Just like pet, pop, pop, pop, pep, pop, pop.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then you maybe, maybe you can make the fucking

Speaker 2 like a kebab. That's what I was saying.
Yeah, like a big kebab. Yeah.
Yeah. Or just make, can you, can you, can you make the tube more of a tortilla kind of a thing? Oh.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Some sort of what?

Speaker 2 It's like a a tortilla shape? No, it's actual tortilla.

Speaker 2 No, yeah, he's saying, if you want them to be edible.

Speaker 2 Oh, so they slide down naked. You put them in a, like, a really thick tortilla where they can, they're not going to slip out of it.
Right. Right.
And then once you have like 10 guys,

Speaker 2 you tie it up, right? We eat them. You eat them.
You pick them and you eat them. This makes a lot of sense.
I don't know. Just throwing it out there.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I don't know what I'm talking about right now.

Speaker 2 What's the video I sent you?

Speaker 2 Didn't I send you another video? Oh, yeah. That one, that one.
Go back. That one, other one.

Speaker 2 We found out where Doc is. Uh-oh.
He's been training.

Speaker 3 His breath hold is so good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for little tiny lungs. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Where does he hold it all? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Look at him. We're not scared, buddy.
I think that guy would fuck shit up. Yeah.
I don't know why this went around the internet, but man, it's just cute to watch him. It's just cute to watch him.

Speaker 2 I don't know why. Yeah.
I would hire him just to swim in my pool, bud.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man? Yeah. He wants to come on the show? Bring him on the show.
He lives in LA? No. Okay.
We have to fly him out. No, he's always around here.
He lives in Miami.

Speaker 2 He's always come back.

Speaker 2 Let me ask you something. Did you go to Coachella?

Speaker 3 Do you guys even go to Coachella?

Speaker 2 I've never been. Have you been?

Speaker 2 Let's go next year. Absolutely fucking good.
Let's go next year. No.
I really need to go. I've already gone once.
You have? I went in like the fourth year or fifth year when it was brand new.

Speaker 2 And then now.

Speaker 2 We got to go next year.

Speaker 2 No matter who's playing look at this you see justin bieber and uh and what's his name jaden smith making out yeah look at their humping and then he gives him a big kiss i love you baby i love justin bieber

Speaker 2 oh my god this clip circulated like crazy

Speaker 3 gave porn is so good okay enough

Speaker 2 it's honestly dude this is what are you talking about

Speaker 2 yeah i'm just saying because they're kissing no they're just kissing on each other in the cheek like i've done that to andrew but men not like this this looks interesting yeah you've never kissed me like that?

Speaker 2 It just looks. No, I don't think so.

Speaker 2 Let's just get to a nice little angle there.

Speaker 2 So I'm walking by.

Speaker 2 What is he saying, Jay?

Speaker 2 What's he saying? Sit down.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 Sit down.

Speaker 2 you should sit down. You didn't want to even do it.
I was just like, What is this bitch? Thank you for

Speaker 2 what? I gotta go. Let's do it.
Thank you for being a bad friend.