Prunes Are God's Ozempic w/ Dave Attell & Louis Katz

Speaker 1 Hey, everybody. We went to Austin and we did something for Patreon.
Yeah, we did a little Austin show with our boys, the basement yard, and now you can watch it. It was an amazing live experience.

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If you're not, you can still watch it by going to our Patreon shop. The link will be on the screen.

Speaker 1 And remember, paid members will get anything we share there for free as part of their membership. So it's a great time to become a bad friend.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Our Patreon shop is open to anyone, whether you're a member or not. And it's where we'll be able to sell any live shows, specials, et cetera, directly to you.
We're going to be doing more Patreons.

Speaker 1 We're going to give bonus episodes on Patreon. We have some good ones.
Sign up, baby. We have some good ones on the way.

Speaker 1 I had to massage Bobby naked when I lost a bet on the show, and I couldn't get over how purple it was. It's like Barney's dick.
Top six.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay, okay. Hold him, get him.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Give it up for the bad friends, man.

Speaker 1 Thank you guys very much. Appreciate you.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, we're going to be at Abu Dhabi Comedy Week. And Abu Dhabi Comedy Week as part of Abu Dhabi Comedy Week.
Bad friends are coming to Abu Dhabi for the first time. May 21st.
That's right.

Speaker 1 Where are we playing? Etiad. Etiyadi.
Arena. Yas Island.
Yas Island, man. Book your tickets right now.
Brought to you by Theory11. Go to badfriendspod.com for the tickets.
Badfriendspod.com.

Speaker 1 I'm doing a couple dates. I'm doing Tampa, Florida, Phoenix, Arizona, Nashville, Tennessee, Dallas, Texas, and San Francisco.
Dallas and San Francisco shows have been added.

Speaker 1 Go to AndrewSantino.com for tickets. those AndrewSantino.com.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. What do they call transition lenses? And that's very progressive.
These aren't transition. They're going to stay this way the whole time.
Oh, wow. I have to change glasses.

Speaker 1 It takes all the cool out of having sunglasses. When did you do the when did you have you ever had the transition lenses? I had them for a while, and then I was told they're not cool.

Speaker 1 Wait, why are they not cool? I don't understand. I don't know.
Some girl told me that, and I listened to her. Oh, you got to listen to girls.
Yeah. Yeah.
Are you married? I am married. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can't believe that. It's hard to believe.
What a miracle. Yeah.
You know,

Speaker 1 where he had his wedding? Where? Downtown LA, 4th of July. The only way to go.

Speaker 1 They fit right in with all the tents down there. He's really agreeing.

Speaker 1 Got a good tent for the weekend.

Speaker 1 Is she Jew or what? She is not Jew. Okay.
So thank you for asking. Not Jew? Not Jew.
Wow. Wow.
It's the status symbol among white people. Not Jew is the step.
Okay. That's what you're supposed to say.

Speaker 1 Not you. Yeah, not you.
Bobby is interested in dating a Jewish woman. Can you help him? Never had one.
Acquire him. Never had one.
Never? Never one Jew. Wow.
I think you could do that. How?

Speaker 1 Do you, though? I know you. Yes.
Do Jewish girls. I'm Palestinian.

Speaker 1 Opposites of trap. It's going to be tough, Bob.

Speaker 1 We do want to get him. He's never dated a Jewish girl.
And I said,

Speaker 1 we're in Los Angeles. Like, how not? And he just.
What? He says he can't land any Jewish girls. Well, I've been hooking up with Arabs.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love it. He's a big Arab fan.
I love the Arabs. You like a little sideburn on your lady? Yeah.
I mean, they never used to like me. Uh-huh.
But now, with this new fame, yeah.

Speaker 1 And my options have opened. They have the same kind of mustache, him and the Arab women.
Yeah, yeah. But they have it down there.
They have it down there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, that's what we're looking for on the chics of Sunset. You coming in.

Speaker 1 Season cliffhanger.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you like giggling boys? Yes. I love it too.
Okay.

Speaker 1 These boys are our. Did you meet? Did everybody meet? Yeah, we met earlier.
Our nice production team of rag tag individuals. Misfits.

Speaker 1 And Carlos is

Speaker 1 97 days sober. I'm a little bit over 100 now.
Oh, it's over 100 now. Hey, that's great, dude.
Congrats. You guys are David, tell fans? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Name me an album. No, no, no.
Stand for the memories. Oh, that's a great album.
I only have one. I know.
I love that. Stand for the memories is amazing.
That'd be great.

Speaker 1 That's a good test. Fancy doesn't know.
Andres doesn't know. Isn't Angel Spanish? Yeah.
Do you have any stuff in Spanish for him?

Speaker 1 Do I have any? I was going to give him a comb. I mean, that's the hair.

Speaker 1 How'd you get here, buddy?

Speaker 1 Power glider.

Speaker 1 Yeah, see?

Speaker 1 I love this guy. See you, senor.

Speaker 1 You really have a multicultural feel going on in here. I love it.
What do you mean? Would you just look at me and saying that?

Speaker 1 I mean, you're not paying anybody.

Speaker 1 Can I say one thing, guys? Have we started yet or is this what you guys

Speaker 1 call tailgate? No, we just kind of get going. We just kind of get going.

Speaker 1 This is the podcast that I've been dying to do. I'm out here promoting and promoting.
I'm like, when do I get to sit with these guys? Yeah. Now I am.
And I'm sitting in the, this is awesome.

Speaker 1 I remember these in that movie, Wonka. I mean,

Speaker 1 that's what happens when you're bad and they put an oat value in the chair and give them a talk down. Because they can't get out of those.
We actually got those. There was an estate sale.

Speaker 1 We We got those from Puff Daddy's house right here that they raided. Wow.
Yeah, they put those on the lawn. I was going to say after Pee-Wee died, this is his

Speaker 1 straight out of the playoffs. The reading of his will.

Speaker 1 So let's introduce. Please do.
May I? Please, I just said. All right.
So the first time I met Dave was years ago.

Speaker 1 This guy named Ned. Remember Ned? Ned.
Carlos Mencia. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 You know him by his superpower name. Super anyway.

Speaker 1 And we did a tour. Remember that tour we did? Uh-huh.
That was a big deal for us. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Back then, Ned was like, I'm going to, you know, get the biggest white dude, the biggest black dude, biggest Asian. I was the only Asian who was like,

Speaker 1 who was the biggest black dude? Who was a DC Curry? Not DC Curry. Was it DC Curry? No.
I don't remember playing like that, but I remember it was like a big deal tour. It was like a theater tour.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Outdoor venues.
Yeah. I think Alfie was on some of those.
Yeah, yeah. It was huge.
It was huge. And it was the first big tour I've ever done in terms of theaters.
Amphitheaters outside.

Speaker 1 No, they weren't amphitheaters. Oh, no.
They were like 3,000, 2,500. Yeah, I don't remember.
I don't really. I remember bombing.
That's all I remember.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, no. I did not do well.
He would do the talk for me, like, you know, this guy coming out. I think he's funny.
You should think he's funny.

Speaker 1 He's trying to like strong arm his crowd, you know? Yeah, it was like a Mexican crowd.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, it was.
Yeah, pretty Mexican. Yeah.
So they loved you.

Speaker 1 I wasn't, I was so green. Yeah, but you, you did good.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. And even when you were green, you were still a little yellow.
So you got through it. Wow.

Speaker 1 You were laughing too.

Speaker 1 You can't do the hard look every day.

Speaker 1 You're right. You laugh first.

Speaker 1 Laugh again.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 That's how it was supposed to go down. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, Kanye, he doesn't want to be caught laughing. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then Louie.

Speaker 1 This is my, I'm just my history with him.

Speaker 1 Used to live in LA. Yes, I'm from L.A.
Yeah. And we used to write together.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 You mean Louis used to write and you were near him?

Speaker 1 Oh, he's got you.

Speaker 1 You know what? I knew, dude,

Speaker 1 when you squint your eyes

Speaker 1 and your face gets all red, right? I know you're about to dig.

Speaker 1 He's a phenomenal

Speaker 1 writer. And I know Louis was just ripping through paint.

Speaker 1 And he was sitting there smoking, like looking over your shoulder. Good stuff, Louie.

Speaker 1 it's sorry anyway it's so funny insane it's great it's great it's great guys great stuff

Speaker 1 can i throw can i throw more stories in yeah yeah yeah throw it in what what i always loved about you bobby is like you you would do a great set they would love you and then you then you'd come running off and then you immediately go like i can't do an hour all right there's no reason why I should be up there for an hour.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, what? They could have watched you for like two hours. They were really having a great time.

Speaker 1 Still does it. That's the only question you got to.

Speaker 1 I still do it.

Speaker 1 I still do it. You can't do it.
Yeah. I feel the same way.
I feel the same way. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I feel exactly the same way. I'm like, I want out.
I want out of here. You know what I'm saying? Or

Speaker 1 you've gone through all your material and then you look at the clock and it's like 33 minutes. I hate that.
Oh, I hate it. I hate it.
Like, I guess I'm going to have to do improv. Yeah.
I hate it.

Speaker 1 So, Louis used to write. Yeah, that's right.
He's probably one of the best joke writers ever.

Speaker 1 I have a better situation. Go ahead, dude.

Speaker 1 Remember

Speaker 1 we were on the sitcom together? Oh, my God. This is crazy.
I hate it. This is crazy.
This is PTSD. This is my

Speaker 1 favorite Bobby story. Go ahead.
In the early aughts,

Speaker 1 we were all, you were a regular on the sitcom, too.

Speaker 1 I was on Mad TV. Okay, but no, no, this is not that.
We were on a thing called Use Car Smell. Yeah, new Car Smell.
New Car Smell. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The guys who did it were really cool.

Speaker 1 They wanted comics on it. I fucked them.
But there was also Rick. Fuck them.

Speaker 1 Wait, hold on. No, no, I'm going to get into it.
Okay, but hold on.

Speaker 1 It was you, me, and jimmy shubert yes and i'm not an actor totally not an actor and they kept giving me these long like setups for the regular people to get the punchline and i'm like what the i i can't i can't do i can't you know and i wanted to like uh red fox it and like write it on the walls and stuff but anyway yeah so i'm not even on the thing right brooke shields no see i thought you were like a special guest or something no no no i was a real i was shields was in it the the guy the league guy is like a great actor and he was like rolling his eyes every time i opened my mouth what's his name over there but he was like a really good actor.

Speaker 1 Oh, Christopher McDonald? Yes. Yeah, I was supposed to be.
He's like, he's like

Speaker 1 A-plus. A legit actor.
Anyway, you and I, hold on a second. You and I and Jimmy, we were all going into our scenes, and then we'd be smoking outside.

Speaker 1 And every time, I believe this was like on the warm-up or whatever it is, the dry run-through or something, we'd all run out and say the same thing. I can't act.

Speaker 1 I can't believe they're going to fire me. I'm getting my stuff now because they're going to fire me by lunch.
I'm out of here. And it's like, when you said that, and then I felt like so much better.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, great. I'm not the only non-actor here.
But you were killing it. And then it went on.
And then finally, we were doing it in front of a crowd. You know that? Like, yeah,

Speaker 1 and then the real actors, they were like stumbling on the lines, but we were rocking it because we were like totally hooring it up to the crowd. Like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Whatever you say, JJ. You know, like, we were totally calming it.
Yeah, yeah. Then Mitch Hedberg died.
A lot happened in that week.

Speaker 1 It was a big week.

Speaker 1 Was that the week? That was the week. Oh, my God.
Wow. Look at David Walton.
There it is. New car smell.
Put it up full screen. Let me see what.
This is the full pilot.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine, Bobby, if that went? Can you imagine? We'd be retired now. I would have been fired.
Dave. No, no.
Oh, there he is.

Speaker 1 Look at that.

Speaker 1 Awesome. I will say, it's weird to not see you in all black.
I love it. And that look is still really in, you know, mostly in the Middle East.
How come dressed up?

Speaker 1 Somehow dressed up, you look sleazier.

Speaker 1 It really does. I hate it.

Speaker 1 Well, can I tell you my experience on that real quick? Brooke Shields, by the way, is so, she's she's very cool. She was very cool.
I hated her. You didn't like it.
Why? I fucking hate her.

Speaker 1 I like her. No, I don't give a fuck.
Get out of your podcast. Oh, wait, I have to leave.

Speaker 1 Wait, what did you not like about her? What did she say? Am I edited out of that thing? Yeah, I can't find you. You can't find you.
Look at me lurking in the back.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're such a good lurker, though. What's going on over there? No, I had to go there because I was overacting so much.
They had to push me back. They had to push me way back.
You stand natural.

Speaker 1 You're standing in a weird way. That's a Meisner I'm using.

Speaker 1 You can't find me in there, right? Well, you think they scrubbed you? They cut you, right?

Speaker 1 They cut me out.

Speaker 1 So Fox calls me and they go, there's a show called New Car Smell. We want you in it.
And I go, okay. And then they go, but the Cullen brothers don't want you in it.
The guys who made the show.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was their names. Yeah, the Cullen Brothers.

Speaker 1 Not the Cohen brothers. The Cullen brothers.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 it doesn't seem like a Cullen Brothers. I'm glad you caught that, Louis.
I thought it was a Cohen Brothers, too. So then they go,

Speaker 1 but they want Getty Wananabi. Oh, yeah.
Long Duck Dong. Yeah, he's great.

Speaker 1 He is. Objectively.
He's great.

Speaker 1 I would hire him.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you, friend. Yeah.
If you're a showrunner, right? Yeah. You pick him before me? 100%.
Not even. I wouldn't even think about it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you were the backup, basically. Right.
So they forced me in.

Speaker 1 And Rob Cullen would pull me aside and go, listen, man, you got to learn how to act.

Speaker 1 I swear to God. I can't believe it.
Am I in the pilot? They cut me out of it, Dave. I thought you did a great job.
Oh, thank you so much. Honestly,

Speaker 1 I can't believe he would say that. That would ruin your confidence.
He did. It sure did.
I still fucking

Speaker 1 psyching you out. Psyching me out.
And then, like, I had two pages of dialogue.

Speaker 1 It's not worth watching, even for Bobby Leaf.

Speaker 1 it's a terrible show should have never been made it's a waste of time money and talent yeah did you put just put that in there yeah he just wrote that

Speaker 1 wait go back to the pilot and scrub through it this guy he's got to be in there I want to see the image of go back to the pilot I'm not in it dude but my my point is is

Speaker 1 I had two pages of dialogue and by the pilot I had one line

Speaker 1 that's almost impossible one line it's a restaurant scene anyway um and I it was the worst human experience of my life well what it brings And I run into Rob.

Speaker 1 I've seen Rob a couple of times since then. I won't even look at him.
Really? Yeah, yeah. You really? I fucked that guy.
What?

Speaker 1 What did Brooke Shields do to you that you're so negative about? Well, because the show owners didn't want me, you could feel it, you know. And so

Speaker 1 I was at Craft Service, and you know, and in my mind, I'm like, you know, you're in Hollywood. I know you're a comic, but let's break in and let's

Speaker 1 mingle.

Speaker 1 Let's move it. And then I was sitting by the nuts and stuff, and I go, Good morning to

Speaker 1 Brooke. Yeah.
And she didn't even. Wow.

Speaker 1 Like, I wasn't even there. I got to to tell you, I'm probably taking it.
I think here, this is the scene. Yeah.
Well, we don't see you. You're not in it.
No, no, before

Speaker 1 they start talking. Oh.

Speaker 1 Before there's any dialogue.

Speaker 1 Is there a mannequin by any chance in there? Is there a...

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Who's that? Dukes. That's you?

Speaker 1 Nice rack.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was cut out of it. I was cut out of the pilot.
Wow. Yeah.
So is this this other guy that you mentioned? That guy is kind of your dot. That's the person you're always up against.
No.

Speaker 1 The long dung. What happened? Long dung? No, who knew against?

Speaker 1 Getting Wananabi

Speaker 1 was much older. And at that time, he had done a couple of movies,

Speaker 1 like classics. He was famous, though.
Yeah, yeah. He was like very famous.
Very famous, right?

Speaker 1 And I was like the new kid. And Fox was trying to get the new kid in.
I see. Well, because they were cheaper, I'm sure.
Oh, much cheaper. That's what it was.
I'm serious.

Speaker 1 I bet you they were like, we can just get this. Because I'm sure the pilot, you know, they overpay.
Like, Brooks Shields probably got all the money. Well, they're the stars.

Speaker 1 and then, and then I'm sure with him, they were like, let's just look at Bobby Lee. Yeah, how Asian can you look? Wow.

Speaker 1 How'd I?

Speaker 1 I remember him. How did I? The nerds.
Yeah. That was that was grand.
You need to be like that. That was a different Asian.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But do you think? I know what you're saying. Well, you're so good on that show, Showgun.

Speaker 1 You're a dramatic actor.

Speaker 1 Comedy.

Speaker 1 Common is worth

Speaker 1 I'd love to see all the parts that you had to do over the years. It must be so crazy.
Yeah, I mean, I mean, there are some good experiences, and then they've just been nightmares.

Speaker 1 The best ones, not to make it all like an actor's workshop, but as a non-actor, when you work with other comics and they just go,

Speaker 1 just do what you do.

Speaker 1 That's the best you can ever do with guys like me. Yeah, yeah, me too.
That's the best you like. Immediately, like, they get it.
They just want it funny.

Speaker 1 They can edit, you know, like you forget all these other things that get involved. So I'm always like, you know, I work with Amy or I was working with Michael Che.
I mean, like, they're all so good.

Speaker 1 Like, Pete, you know, like, there are the comics that get it. You know, it's like, just get to the funny, you know.
Yeah, yeah. So that for me is cool.
But I always thought you were a good actor.

Speaker 1 Oh, thanks.

Speaker 1 Definitely. I'm getting like.
I'm serious. Okay.
You have a heart. Yeah.
Your old writing partner.

Speaker 1 But the things I've been doing lately are pretty much offers. And then when I show up, they're like, oh, just do you.
It's great. Yeah.
So it's been easier because you're a great actor.

Speaker 1 You're great. That's why they want you to do you.
You're a great actor. I feel there's something behind that compliment.

Speaker 1 When you're a really good actor, they just want you to do you.

Speaker 1 You're a fucking asshole today.

Speaker 1 Shut up. It's in your face, dude.
Shut the fuck up. Oh, fuck you, dude.
I do like this pink shirt today. I do think it's cool.
Oh, thanks, man. It's a rad shirt.

Speaker 1 Anyway, what did you do last night, by the way? Dave, were you at the store last night? What's that? Were you at the store last night? I walked by.

Speaker 1 What are you getting at?

Speaker 1 I've been podcasting my little ass off. Did you not go? You didn't get up last night.
No, I didn't go. Because I heard you were going to come by.

Speaker 1 They had a special guest in the OR, and I thought it was you. I know what it was.
Who's Martin Lawrence? And again? Oh, awesome. Wow.
He did a half hour.

Speaker 1 He's doing a theater tour is what the rumor was, and he was working out for the theater tour. But what fucked up, he brought me on.
It was a great moment.

Speaker 1 But what fucked up was he's more quiet on stage now. Wow.
So they turned up the the mic, like really, really loud. And then he brought me on.
And my first joke, I'm like,

Speaker 1 and the whole, you can tell the audience. And then in the middle of my joke, they turn it way down.

Speaker 1 So it was fucking weird. And I looked over at the booth and I did this and they were like,

Speaker 1 how was his intro? Because they're hit and miss. No, I will say this.
It was awesome. I said, Emily goes,

Speaker 1 the manager said, he's going to bring you on. He knows who you are.
I told him,

Speaker 1 and I thought, if he, I don't care if he fucks it.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know me personally. I said, it's fine.

Speaker 1 fine but he got it it was and it was very nice because it was his road managers there and they rehearse it before it was really nice though yeah they rehearse he could have just been like next comic no he used to do this I'm done and then just walk off stage yeah Natasha has a bit about him being rude to her when he brings her oh really yeah yeah yeah yeah that's on one of her specials I'm sure yeah he was apparently very rude I don't know that's always low energy now huh well he's just he's just I don't it's weird to describe he's just much quieter yeah adult I think there's yeah he's grown you get older and like you know, like we do two shows in one night and you can't remember like what you did in the first show.

Speaker 1 I mean, sometimes like when I'm coming off like a hard, like, just like, you know, no, no booze, no, no, no, nothing anymore. It's just being tired and old.

Speaker 1 And you're like, always messing up the MC's name, you know, that kind of thing. All right.
I've called him a million different names when we're on shows together. You know, thanks, Reggie.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like,

Speaker 1 yeah. It's not even close.
Are you sober now for completely? Oh, for years, for years. For how long? So long.
Since that new car smell.

Speaker 1 Wake-up call.

Speaker 1 You don't smoke weed or anything? No, I know weed is like a vitamin out here, but I don't do it. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 I missed out on the whole weed evolution, too. Are you a 12-step guy or no? No, I don't do anything.
You just do it. Just cold turkey.
Yep. That's amazing.

Speaker 1 Shopify. When we started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from our minds.
That's right. Now we're selling

Speaker 1 jeanies, shirts, buckets. Not buckets, but like cups.
Not buckets. Well, these are coffee buckets.
Yeah, so. This should be called a coffee.
It's easy all because we use Shopify. That's exactly right.

Speaker 1 Shopify is incredible. It's the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business, from the launcher online shop stage to the first real-life store stage.

Speaker 1 We've got so many different things juggling on the show. And with Shopify, it makes it so simple and easy.
It doesn't matter what you're selling or who you're selling it to.

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Wow.

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Speaker 1 Wow, that is code badfriends50 at factormeals.com slash bad friends50 to get 50% off your first box plus 20% off your next box while your subscription is active. Are you sober, Louis?

Speaker 1 No, I just don't. I don't drink that much, but I've never quit anything.
I just keep moderation. I think that's what's going to kill me.
Yeah. Moderation.
He's a food guy. Yeah, I like to eat.

Speaker 1 He's a foodie type. So, every city you go to, are you one of the guys that you know how to pick out the spots? You have the.
There's nothing open. Yeah, well, the problem is

Speaker 1 he only doesn't drink and he only eats one meal a day after the shows.

Speaker 1 And now everything's closed early. So it's like, yeah, I know to pick the best waffle house.
I mean, there's not options. Okay, it worked for Lance Armstrong.
Why doesn't anybody?

Speaker 1 Hey, the guy from the guy over there.

Speaker 1 Now, what's your name again?

Speaker 1 Andres.

Speaker 1 And I know you're one bite away from being a full vampire, but

Speaker 1 let's get the palest side

Speaker 1 in Burbank.

Speaker 1 That's so true.

Speaker 1 Holy shit, dude. He is worth it.

Speaker 1 Please keep going with that. This guy did all the stunts for Oppenheimer.

Speaker 1 Sorry, Bobby, no offense in your house.

Speaker 1 Oh, please. We love this.
Sorry, guys.

Speaker 1 We love this.

Speaker 1 Hit him as hard as you want. He's fine.

Speaker 1 He's smiling on you. Dave, you don't wait.
When you wake up, you don't eat breakfast? No. Nothing.
What am I, a girl?

Speaker 1 For what? What am I going to go to school? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 So you literally don't eat anything. You know what I got on me right now? You want to know? Yeah.
I got a bag of prunes. You want to look at it?

Speaker 1 No, thank you. I'm kind of hoping like a cop goes, what do you got in that bag? And you pull out a bag of prunes.
You can't go, you loser.

Speaker 1 You have a cup of coffee. You have a lot of coffee.
A lot of coffee. And a lot of cigarettes.
This guy doesn't smoke. I really feel bad for him.

Speaker 1 You don't mind, do you? Yeah. I mean, I've learned tricks.
Like, I keep my jacket outside of the green room so it doesn't smell.

Speaker 1 No, I can't wait to apologize to him at his funeral.

Speaker 1 I outlive him.

Speaker 1 You had that special go, good? Yeah, thanks. Thanks to you.

Speaker 1 I mean, you had me on your, on the other podcast, which helped a lot, and it's great I was able to sneak onto your more successful podcast now.

Speaker 1 Louis Special has so many great jokes in it. And yeah, it just hit a million views like the other week.
Wow, dude. Wow.

Speaker 1 Allie, that's great doing the intro for it.

Speaker 1 The best comedian you've never heard of. Italy.
I'm rapping. It's interesting that you didn't ask to see what I'm doing and or to be the intro.
Well, I wasn't sure if you guys would do it.

Speaker 1 I had to see

Speaker 1 first.

Speaker 1 I asked about this podcast. I had to sneak in with Dave, you know, so like this is this, I get what I can.
Well, and also

Speaker 1 he directed it, he produced it. He, I mean, like, that's the full tilt.
That's him. Where'd you shoot it at? The comedy fort in Fort Collins.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I didn't have other people working me, but I'm hands-on with the whole thing. It was.
Because he had to connect to his ski base, you know, ski fans.

Speaker 1 You're a big ski bomb, that's why. It's a great club, but it's still like it's the best club you could possibly have in a small town in Colorado.

Speaker 1 So you're telling like jokes about Jews and blacks, and they're like, What are those? And it's

Speaker 1 what are those?

Speaker 1 Interesting. But no, I'm pretty happy with it.
And I love that set, the art of the set, you know, a brick wall and two waters. What more do you need?

Speaker 1 It's not, it's not, it's no high. Let's move on.
Let's move on. Let's move on.
Wait, we plug play. We wait.
Go back to the beginning. I'm in the beginning.

Speaker 1 Come on. There he is.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Bobby's in it, though.
Weren't you just in that? Scroll through. I think Bobby was in there.
There he is. Oh,

Speaker 1 there's Robert.

Speaker 1 It really is an insult to Allie. Such a beautiful girl.
Why would I say that about her to you? Look at how much prettier she is. Never mind.

Speaker 1 All right. Honestly, dude.
Just an elephant. Look at me right now.
Just a better Asian.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I don't know what happened today, but dude, but it's like, it's aggressive. It's not.
It is. There's something that you're doing with your squinchy face and your fucking red face.

Speaker 1 I don't like it. You know what I'm going to say? What? We're renaming the show.
What is it? It's very bad for you. Very bad for me.
Today, we went a new level. It's a new level today.

Speaker 1 Dave, are you...

Speaker 1 You're not married. Look at me.
Of course, I'm not. Girlfriend.
Nothing. I'm totally.
I want to meet this Jewish girl like you're talking about. I've heard tell of them.

Speaker 1 Just zero. Nothing.
Wow. That's the best thing when you come out here.

Speaker 1 So many. I was just in Austin, the most beautiful.
Am I right? Yeah, beautiful. Everywhere.
And I'm just once again lurking around without the tie on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. No, I don't know, buddy.
I'm so old. I really, you know, I guess I have a lot of issues.
My mom, I have to take care of OJ's dementia. Oh, stuff like that.
So

Speaker 1 it's a lot of work. And luckily, she's doing okay.
But the

Speaker 1 road is not fun. I mean, it's like you go out there, you do your thing.
Maybe you find a place to eat when you're, you know, like old. So these young pups out there, of course, having some laughs.

Speaker 1 How about you, buddy? I mean, honestly,

Speaker 1 I can assume on one of these apps, you must be the real get.

Speaker 1 No, I'm no apps. I'm, I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm just, no, Raja.
I'm on the Raja. I figured you were.
Raya, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on it.
Yeah. Is that what it's called? Raya? Yeah, it's called Raya.

Speaker 1 But what did I sign up for? You got banned? You got banned from a few apps. I got banned from all of them but Raya.
Wow. Really? Wait, like, guess why? This is even better.

Speaker 1 Why do you think he got banned?

Speaker 1 I didn't know you could get banned. Oh, you can.
You can. Was it politics no

Speaker 1 nudity no no no

Speaker 1 but very accurate guess

Speaker 1 yeah yeah

Speaker 1 it's your hashtag bring money on the date something

Speaker 1 you got banned for being asian how dare you wow you son of a bitch he lied about his age wow on all of them

Speaker 1 that's okay i thought that's okay it's not really yeah wow well i said i was 34 he was reported

Speaker 1 i'm 52.

Speaker 1 And what happens is. Wait, that is not even like you can't dance around that.
Like, did I tell you? Well, I kind of lied. I'm about 19 years ago.

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, I don't know what to tell you. Two decades is a lot.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But they could just Google me, and my name, my age is on the internet. So it's like, that's not what I was doing it for.
I mean, can't they see the picture of you running from the 9-11 tower?

Speaker 1 You said back to the group.

Speaker 1 Steve Renazizi.

Speaker 1 I thought you were in grade school. You're a day trader.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 because when you're 52, you get matched on those sites with other 50, you know, people because they're younger,

Speaker 1 younger. I know.
Women in their 30s are like, their cutoff points are 40. Okay.
Right. So you're not getting them in, you know, they're not getting your profile in there.

Speaker 1 And there's a reason for that.

Speaker 1 I'm curious.

Speaker 1 They are not interested in 52-year-old men. I understand.

Speaker 1 But can I, let me defend myself.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. I will.
Please.

Speaker 1 Who's aggressive now? I don't know. Yeah, yeah.
I'm sorry. So

Speaker 1 let me defend myself. Please.
I'm going to. You're thinking about, well, how? No,

Speaker 1 I'll defend him. I'm not talking about Albert.
Dude, this is what he does. No, that's not what he does.
I'll defend him. He's a young 52.
A very young 52.

Speaker 1 No, because by going to 34 and I've gotten on dates, you know what I mean? And then they go, yeah, my thing's at 40, but I'm glad I met you. It's like,

Speaker 1 I play young.

Speaker 1 They want you to lie. They're forcing you to lie.
They're forcing you to lie.

Speaker 1 They shouldn't have that thing on their age thing.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 All is welcome. That's what it should be called.

Speaker 1 All is welcome. No, it's all famous people.
They don't want the trash exactly. Right, right, right, there.
Yeah. Oh, I'm a doctor, and I work with spice.
Get out of here, Luther.

Speaker 1 Get out.

Speaker 1 There should be a scale where you can lie about your age to the amount of money you have in your bank account yeah the higher the bank account the more you can lie wow

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 what about that sugar daddy thing i mean you'd be the awesome like i mean come on the young you know what i'm saying oh yeah there's so there are sugar daddy sites yeah want that do you want that yeah i mean yeah but let me ask you about the sugar daddy sites yeah how much money are you if you're a sugar daddy yeah what's the limit here what do you mean of limit of what you have to spend yeah because i there are there are sugar daddies i've been on them right and then it's like you you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 They're asking for a certain amount of money. I'm like, that's insane.
How much money did I ask for? Somebody say, like, you know what I mean, like 50 grand a month. I don't know.
50 grand

Speaker 1 to keep them in the lifestyle. Why not just get a lot of stuff? Keep it in life.
It's so much cheaper. I know.
But

Speaker 1 that's his expertise. The guy with the backwards hat.
Carlos is a that he loves paid paid friends. Yeah.
Paid friends. Yeah, you don't have to go on seeking to get like a hot girl, though.

Speaker 1 Can we go on seeking and look at the profiles or no? What's seeking?

Speaker 1 It's a Sugar Daddy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Can we look at the

Speaker 1 see what's available here? My profile. Oh, look at that.
Oh, you have a profile? Yeah, he's already.

Speaker 1 You have one? I had one, yeah.

Speaker 1 But the girl I saw, she died like two months later.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 So I got off. I knew this would lead to a cold case.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, I did.

Speaker 1 What's even funnier about this is that you were on Seeking. Yeah, but what? You don't have any fucking money.
You have no money. Because they're not all.
They're asking you for 50 grand.

Speaker 1 They know you're worth more. Right.
They're asking you for $50.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 shit.

Speaker 1 You get the bus pass, girls. They call us salt and pepper daddies.
What does that mean? What does that mean? It means it's not all like sugar.

Speaker 1 It's a little bitter. That's a little bit of a.

Speaker 1 So, how much money do you think is like if a girl goes, well, I just need three grand a month.

Speaker 1 Well, I would say no to everything. Even if I was single, I'm not fucking paying you four grand to hang out.
That's insane.

Speaker 1 That's the, I said you had to put them up in an apartment and fly them around the world. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Some of them are like that. This is if you want a total total disconnect, and if you, but if you just want, yeah, okay, I don't, I know that's connected now.

Speaker 1 Don't do this because they're here, you know, that's not true. I like disconnecting.
He wants to find love so far. I want love,

Speaker 1 he's lying. Yeah, you know, you do.
This would be so weird, and you wouldn't get any sort of connection whatsoever. It'd be fucking weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, then you have to do it like everyone else in this town. You have to shop at that Ralph's.
That's right. That seems to be the place.

Speaker 1 The place. Wait, the rock and roll Ralphs on Sunset? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I remember. That's a good one.
You go down there, man. It's crazy.

Speaker 1 That is a pretty good. There's some hot chicks there.
But more rock. Yeah, like, like, also, vampires like yourself.
You know what I mean? You're not into that?

Speaker 1 What kind of, you just like a, you don't like tats and stuff like that? They have to be taller. Easy.
Which is everybody.

Speaker 1 Everybody.

Speaker 1 And maybe taller, right? They have to have some education. What? What? Some form of an education.

Speaker 1 You don't.

Speaker 1 No, not cheap. Give me something.
GD. No.
What about above? What about street smarts? No. Street smart doesn't work with me.
Wait a minute. You don't have a college education.
Why do you care?

Speaker 1 That's why I want to breathe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to breed what's wrong.

Speaker 1 Everything Seeing doesn't, he doesn't have. He wants the other partners.

Speaker 1 You like?

Speaker 1 Attractive. We connect.
Yeah, I get it.

Speaker 1 Attractive?

Speaker 1 Very attractive. Very attractive.
That's a big one, right?

Speaker 1 They have to have

Speaker 1 driver's license.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Some semblance of

Speaker 1 culture, you know?

Speaker 1 What does that mean? Well, they have to just, like, basically what I'm saying is the things that you know,

Speaker 1 you know that when we the other day, I was telling that you like you, it's odd that you know certain things, like you surprise me all the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but like, I want that people that read, no, no, no, no, the people that just have that, they're just kind of like, oh, I know about Rem Brandt, or I know about it's from reading, that's how you mean.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's not like you're bit by a historian, and all of a sudden, you have all the tower trouble. It's not like Spider-Man

Speaker 1 in 1476.

Speaker 1 That's so funny.

Speaker 1 I think those are all accessible. I think those are really good.
You didn't say anything crazy. Nothing crazy.

Speaker 1 Actually, the Reigns of Women that he has dated, because I've been here for all of it, is it's actually pretty great. You haven't had a typical...

Speaker 1 They all kind of have a different style, a different look.

Speaker 1 They've all been pretty cool. So he's.
Some of them you haven't liked. There's been, there's been, there, well, there's one I'm like,

Speaker 1 you didn't like her either. What the fuck is this?

Speaker 1 I know, but you said, I don't like that. You know, and you know, right away when your friend is with somebody and you're like, oh my god, this is

Speaker 1 like, I can't wait till you find out.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, that's what I do. You know that this is a terrible thing.
But the one thing you didn't say was sense of humor. That's right.
Yeah, sense of humor. Yeah.
No, you don't want that. No, I do.

Speaker 1 You don't want that. You didn't say,

Speaker 1 but I don't want here.

Speaker 1 I've dated hams. Breathe.

Speaker 1 I've dated like, I'm out of

Speaker 1 the boom. You know what I mean? Like hammy, people.
I don't like that. No, terrible.
Is that a real word world song? I don't even know. Yeah, I got it.
I'm on a booty. I'm on a booty.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I don't like that.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I like, you know, like little sly jokes. You got to get your stuff, right? Little roast, like a little roast.
Yeah, that's true. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Witty, but laid back, not like your improv one class.

Speaker 1 Exactly. Yeah, I don't like sketch, like a sketch artist.

Speaker 1 Like a sketch player. Like what you do.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I don't want me.
You don't want for the opposite. I get you.
I think

Speaker 1 you want a complimentary partner. Yeah, and also I need somebody that's

Speaker 1 that isn't against, like, that loves the culture of Korea. Who doesn't love the culture? Yeah.

Speaker 1 This guy.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I want somebody that, like, like, like, you know, I was on it, the girl last week. Yes.
And, you know, I would take, I go, have you ever had Shabu Shabu? Have you had Shabu Shabu?

Speaker 1 I was just in Vegas. I didn't see him playing any.

Speaker 1 Is that in the kitchen? Is that a contortion? Who is that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, Shabu Shabu.

Speaker 1 Hey, Jabba. I know him.
Yeah, he was the roommate of Sir Han Sirha.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Bobby, for charming my memory of culture. Shabu Shabu.
You know Shabu Shabu? Boiling water. It's the grilled stuff? Oh, no, it's the boiling water.
It's boiling water.

Speaker 1 And it's fucking final. I can't recommend this more.
If you're a big foodie dude, go to a Shabu's place while you're here. I'm down.

Speaker 1 Do they make you cook it? Yeah. I don't like that.
No, no.

Speaker 1 I need someone else to cook. I understand what you're doing.
You can get them to cook it. They don't.
It's fine. The places I go, they don't.
They don't like to. But you choose your broth.

Speaker 1 Right. So it's like, you know, there's always a variety of five, like bone broth, a tomato broth.
Hot pot.

Speaker 1 Hot pot is correct. That's correct.

Speaker 1 That is correct. That is correct.
Okay. All right.
So, like, you know, last week, she's like, and she goes, well, she's from the Midwest. She's like, I haven't even heard of that.
Yeah, that's okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's not fair. I mean, maybe she just cultured.
No, but she did go. She was like, but I'm willing to try.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she went and she had a great time. She's like, I love this.
She'd say, what is this garbage? You're like, spit it all out on the American flag.

Speaker 1 God, what are you doing to me?

Speaker 1 My point is, I want them to be able to, you know, try things. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She did wear Trump shoes to the date. You did say the turn of the game.
Yeah, yeah. What?

Speaker 1 No, no, she didn't have a little bit of the golden ones. The gold ones.

Speaker 1 Limited edition gold ones.

Speaker 1 You want the kind of girl you could sit on the couch and watch a movie with, right? What would the movie be? Go ahead. Oh, shh.

Speaker 1 Glad.

Speaker 1 Paris?

Speaker 1 What would it be?

Speaker 1 I hope you know the Korean cinema.

Speaker 1 Well, like, you know, I've done like Old Boy with a date. Squid Game.
No, that's a serious. It's too long.
Well, it depends on how much you like her. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's true.

Speaker 1 You start with Old Boy, then you get to Squid Game if you can. A good movie is

Speaker 1 Memories of a Murder. Of a geisha.
Oh. Memories of a Murder.
And right in it. It's good.
It's so good. And so, you know, a Korean film.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 that's it. Have you guys seen Old Boy, by the way? Yeah.
Which version of it, though? There's like two?

Speaker 1 The Korean version. That's the one.
The other one, I'm not so sure about. Yeah, yeah.
So good. Korean Korean one? You got to watch it.
I saw it when it someone gave me a bootleg when it came out.

Speaker 1 This was back when there were bootlegs. And right when it got good, it started skipping.
Kevin Shea got me a bootleg that started skipping. Kevin who? Kevin Shea.

Speaker 1 I'm not supposed to mention him on here.

Speaker 1 Sorry. I'd like you to mention more.

Speaker 1 Very good.

Speaker 1 Would your lady also be like, she smokes? Like, she's not, that's not like a. Well, I quit for a while.
I just started smoking again. Okay.
You know, he's giving me shit about it.

Speaker 1 I've been giving him a little bit of shit because we're trying to put it away, but it's he's. I quit for two years and then what what what made it you Jesse our opener.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, we have an opener, yeah, and she smoked, and you know, and every once in a while I'd be like, and then all of a sudden everyone was fucking smoking, and then it was like, you know, then he started sneaking them, and then

Speaker 1 he's out of control. It's so crazy how it grabs you.

Speaker 1 I've heard it's the most addictive thing, like more than anything else. But there's nothing like nothing like it.
Really? There's nothing like it.

Speaker 1 The vapes don't, you know, I mean, the dipping, it just, it's.

Speaker 1 You are so right, buddy. Yeah.
A pack a day, what?

Speaker 1 More than that, no. Wow.
But I would say that do you kind of regret the two years you didn't smoke?

Speaker 1 What'd you say? The two years that you took off? No, because look.

Speaker 1 What happened?

Speaker 1 He would just dip the whole time. Oh, well, there you go.
Cans and cans of dip. Now, that's hard to find a lady that enjoys that.
I know, I know. Got to go down south.

Speaker 1 You kind of look like you run a Bucky's anyhow, so this would be great.

Speaker 1 Got to sail on jerky and dip.

Speaker 1 I mean, what are you looking for, Dave? Everything you just said. I thought that was great, except for that that Korean knowledge stuff.

Speaker 1 I mean, maybe we'll watch a mash, you know, occasionally.

Speaker 1 Do you guys think it's actually harder to meet someone because you're successful and famous? I've said that to him all the time.

Speaker 1 I'm happy that I'm married because now that he's single again and we go out on the road and like, you know, our nights usually end in such dramatically different ways now where like me and some of these bozos will get food and then he wants to go on the hunt.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. The hunt.
He's on the hunt. I'm on the hunt, yeah.
He likes to fish. That's what we call it when he goes.
I know when he's going fishing, when he sneaks away. I sneak away.

Speaker 1 And he likes to be a, you know, he likes to go in his little, we let him go into the reef. You have my mask.
Yeah. Do you have them like my swords? I sneak away.
Very sneaky, sir.

Speaker 1 Do you like to have them put like your TV shows on the TV at the bar? And so you're just casually sitting there like, hey, look at that. That's me.
Do you try and show that you're

Speaker 1 new car smell in the bar sometime?

Speaker 1 This is perfect. No, no, Louie.
But what do you do? What does going on the hunt mean? Like, why don't you just wait till after the show and meet someone after the show?

Speaker 1 I don't know how how Dave feels about it, but I don't think in the last 20 years I've hooked up with somebody that didn't know who I was before. Well, I'm just going to say this, buddy.

Speaker 1 You know what my lady is? Merch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Hey, guys, Bobby, you got to get with religion, and that's merch.

Speaker 1 That'll take all the energy out of you. Put up a link right here to Dave's merch, please.
That's his lady.

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Speaker 1 ZocDoc.com slash bad friends. Why are you bringing your backpack, leaving? I'm getting on my prunes.

Speaker 1 Please don't leave, Dave. I'm not leaving.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's just distracting. You know what I mean? I can't do this talk when I'm searching for prunes.

Speaker 1 Love that.

Speaker 1 What's the prunes do? Wow.

Speaker 1 Did you do any schooling or not?

Speaker 1 No, what do the prunes do?

Speaker 1 It's weird weird when an Asian guy doesn't know anything about pruning. That is just really weird.

Speaker 1 What do they do? Yeah.

Speaker 1 They move things through the body.

Speaker 1 It's God's Ozimpic. So, anybody, prune? I'd love a prune.
Throw me a prune. I would love a prune.
Bob, you want a prune? I like prune. While you do your speech.

Speaker 1 Good thing it's easy to hose down these plastic chairs because.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. I'd be careful with those guys.
Thank you. You're not used to them?

Speaker 1 Just one of them, right? I'm serious. I'm not fucking around.
One prune is going to fuck you. I'm careful with them.

Speaker 1 They're going to make you poo? Like a lot. Yeah, you're going to shit a lot.
Oh. Yeah, but one prune isn't going to knock me out.

Speaker 1 No, you got to eat it.

Speaker 1 If you're not used to it. All right, relax.
Louis, one prune. I don't want you getting high off prune, man.

Speaker 1 Leave me alone, dude. I'm making my own choice.
What about dates? Is dates the same as brews or no? Here. No.

Speaker 1 Eat all of them. Well, this is

Speaker 1 sad. Here, you want some? No.

Speaker 1 Holy shit. He's got to eat all of them.
Hello. These are delicious.
I'm Bobby and me. It's a healthy choice.
Oh, my God. I got a shit.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 what are you plugging, Dave? I got the Hot Crest Buns on Netflix. That just came out.
Check that. This is the recorder.
Oh, look at that. Or is they

Speaker 1 the Middle East, the saxophone? Now,

Speaker 1 I'm going to take you through it because I know we got a lot of homeschoolers in the room

Speaker 1 who never played the recorder. It's a musical instrument.
It's somewhere between a flute and a bong. All right?

Speaker 1 I hate watching myself, but seeing my bags under my eyes, I think, tells the whole story.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Where'd you shoot that? Cobb, San Francisco.
Great crowd.

Speaker 1 Great crowd. And my crowds are really good.
He'll tell you. My crowds love to.
They kind of ruin you for other crowds because they're so they really are. You guys got to come on my show sometimes.

Speaker 1 I love them.

Speaker 1 How is that room?

Speaker 1 It's so that ceilings are so high. I love Cobb.
We're about to go both do it. Yeah, I know.
I haven't done it anymore.

Speaker 1 You remember the punchline? The old punchline punchline has a lot of stuff. I love that one.
Yeah, that's the thing. It's like some of those clubs, they really spoil you too.

Speaker 1 But I like Cobbs, and I really love the crowds up there. They totally like, there's no filter with them.
They like it hard. They're good.

Speaker 1 But the punchline, I mean, if you guys could just sell less tickets, I'm telling you, it's the best.

Speaker 1 We talked last night about

Speaker 1 Cobbs

Speaker 1 because I said

Speaker 1 it's so funny that years ago, there was like this weird, I don't know, narrative. Sometimes comics would be like, oh, San Francisco.
Like they had this idea. It was all bullshit.
It was all bullshit.

Speaker 1 Like, they were like, oh, they're tight up there.

Speaker 1 You don't think so?

Speaker 1 I do not. Every time I've played San Francisco, it doesn't feel the way that I was prepared for it to feel.
Because you're fans.

Speaker 1 No, but even when I, no, when I first was starting out touring, when I first did, when I first played Punch, you know, or whatever, it was still great.

Speaker 1 I mean, maybe I was also just a little, I think I was expecting worse. And so it turned out, I was like, fuck, this is great.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 But I think that that narrative was just filled into our brains for some reason. And I just assumed the worst.
but now even more so. It's phenomenal.
I mean, I have so much fun when I go there.

Speaker 1 Cool, because that was always a big comedy town. San Francisco was like,

Speaker 1 a lot of great comics came out of there. You know, Allie, of course.
Right. Me.
And Louie, that's where you started, right? So you feel like it might have been tight, huh? I find it. I find it.

Speaker 1 Every time I go there, I'm like, it's beautiful. Maybe I could live here.
And then I do a set, like, just trying to work out around town. I'm like, nah, I couldn't.
I can't work out here. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 But that's different. That's at like the little bar shows where I'm just working out between, you know.
I say I feel like that's bar shows in any city are going going to feel a little unwelcome.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's the being in New York for so long because I've been living there for like 15 years, it changes the West Coast up and down the West Coast, the crowds feel different than except for San Diego.

Speaker 1 San Diego's pretty good. San Diego and Irvine are both pretty dope.
I love them. We have so much fun in San Diego.
Yeah, so much fun. Yeah.
That's because he's from down there, too. So it's

Speaker 1 chaos. Yeah, I love it there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That show we did there was magical.

Speaker 1 We get like an all-Mexican audience down south, and it's my fucking favorite. It's my fucking favorite.
Wow.

Speaker 1 They want to party. Like, they just want a full show to just go nuts.
They're not, they're, they're live right away. There is no like warming them up, you know? It's awesome.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They are loyal fans, too. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Bobby, you've done like towns, you've done like that Southwest circuit that, like, you really have to be like, you know, it definitely is like the Tex-Mex circuit, like Corpus Christi.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I loved it. I've never, like, I've never played there.
Wow. You never did any of that? No, because whatchamacallit? I'm, you know, El Diablo Blanco.
Right. I'm a white man.

Speaker 1 They just hiss at you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, I've done El Paso. That's fun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I like El Pas. Have you done El Paso? All the Texas fans.
Oh, my God. I played the Malde Oyo, the Evil Eye.

Speaker 1 Some kind of Maya shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But, you know,

Speaker 1 but there's some markets I've never even played, like

Speaker 1 Montana, North Dakota. Have you done those? We're trying to.

Speaker 1 I'm going to keep trying to do it. Do it.
Stanhope.

Speaker 1 Doug Stanhope was the only guy who really has paved the path through those kind of areas where he'd just get in a van and go from bar show to bar show to bar show. That was like Wyoming, Montana.

Speaker 1 Bisbee.

Speaker 1 I played the Dakotas, you know, but not like he has. So he's always the guy.

Speaker 1 Where to go? Yeah. When you were living out here, did you ever do triple runs? Do you know what that is?

Speaker 1 Maybe just a little bit, but

Speaker 1 I never did the full one. Is it anything? I didn't know.
Is it somewhere like scissoring?

Speaker 1 Oh, how about a tribble run? There was a guy

Speaker 1 who used to make a thing. That was it.
Look at that. Dave Tribble.
That was his name back then. And he would get young comics to play like Sea Rooms, and you would do

Speaker 1 North Nevada, Montana,

Speaker 1 you do Idaho, and you do small little. Yeah, Stanhope, I think, talked to me about doing them a few days ago.
They'd be like six to 10 hours apart. So days would be fucked.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You're in a van, you're driving. Yeah.
Yeah. And I lost money.
I got two speeding tickets trying to make the shows. Really? Yeah.
And I lost a bunch of money. Wow.

Speaker 1 And I was crying the whole way almost. Like, I'm fucked.
I can't make it. Yeah.
So sad.

Speaker 1 It's sad how there aren't good flights anymore.

Speaker 1 I guess I took it for granted all those years, like the

Speaker 1 flights to Idaho, flights, all these different things. It's so difficult, you know, like to get to these towns, but I still miss doing the towns, you know? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's your favorite town?

Speaker 1 What do you like?

Speaker 1 San Diego is your home base. Go ahead.
I'll tell you my favorite clubs. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's too funny. I don't know the way you said it's funny.
Yeah, I wanted to get involved.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Comedy on State Street.
Yeah. That's a great one.
Fucking love it. Yeah.
Denver Comedy Works downtown. Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm not yelling at you. All right.
Just give us one more and then you can like. No, I want to keep going.
All right. All right.
I got another one.

Speaker 1 I know what it is.

Speaker 1 Be Cleveland. Hilarity.
Yeah. Hilarity.
He's a great one. Nick.
Yeah, yeah. He is.
I mean,

Speaker 1 I love him.

Speaker 1 Great fucking guy.

Speaker 1 So good. And after you do the week there, does he give you like a bat with your name on it? Like, just use a little something.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Something like that.
You know, I know you have to fly and you're going to have to get this new airport security for him.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You know, you don't mind carrying this wooden train that these prisoners made.
They're big fancy.

Speaker 1 But even when you, I've stopped by, like, when we played Clifford, I stopped by the club. That's nice.
And he was there and he was so like, you want a meal? Yeah. Let me make you something.

Speaker 1 Like, he's like the nicest guy. I wish I went.
You didn't let me go.

Speaker 1 And then there's that little alley, Printer's Alley, they call it. Yeah, Printer's Alley.

Speaker 1 That's what it's on. Oh, that's right.
That little alley with the coffee shop and the restaurants. Yeah, it's so tight.

Speaker 1 So, and then, but they used to want to have one in Bellevue in Seattle called Parlor Live. Yeah, Parlor Live.

Speaker 1 It's no longer there anymore.

Speaker 1 What's in Seattle now? What club is it? Laughs. But it's weird.
It's one of those cities where it's like, there's not really a big club. There's Laughs, but yeah, everything keeps shutting down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why do some cities don't have a major? Like Boston, does Boston have one? Yeah. Wilbur.
The Wilbur Theater. The Theater is kind of taken over, but it's not a comedy club.

Speaker 1 But there used to be a big comedy tag. Well, Nick's was there, right? Nicks and Laugh Boston.
Laugh Boston. But they're both smaller clubs.
It's weird.

Speaker 1 Portland has a better scene than Seattle, and Portland's a smaller city. Healing, Portland, Austin.
Oh, yeah. But my, of the improv is D.C.
Improv, give it up. The best.
Give it up. Allison.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So good.
That's great. Oh, my God.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But also, but they don't give you the money you want. Sorry? Well, it is in a basement.
We're only going to give you this amount, and that's it. This is what we give every, right?

Speaker 1 I'm like, yeah, but I, but I'm going to sell it out. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is this recent or years ago? Maybe 10 years ago. Okay, well,

Speaker 1 I'm going to get more money now. Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 Okay, Dave. All right.
Fuck, man. I mean, honestly, otherwise play the Kennedy Center.

Speaker 1 But here are a couple of towns I don't like.

Speaker 1 Pittsburgh.

Speaker 1 Pittsburgh, really. I'm going there.
Pittsburgh improv. I can't wait.

Speaker 1 Prove Bobby Ross and come to that shoe. Do you like it? Yeah, well, it's fine.
It's just, what was it going to say? Like, it's me. It's more about the flight.
That's the direct flight. So I'm in.

Speaker 1 Okay. Direct flight.
Big deal. Oh, I have some shit right here.
And I want to talk shit right now. Let's hear it.
Hartford, Funnybone. No.
And Virginia Beach, Funnybone. No.
Fuck them. Wow.

Speaker 1 They had me one time. Uh-huh.
Right? One fucking time.

Speaker 1 And then I try to go back. And they're like, it's not for us.
Really? Yeah. It's not for us.
It's not for us. Wow.
Because I show my little pee-pee.

Speaker 1 It's for everybody.

Speaker 1 Everyone knows. I can see in Connecticut because that's a rough market.
I mean, there's no, I play the casino there. That's what you should do.

Speaker 1 I've never heard of a company being like, I will sell out your club. And they're like, no, thanks.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, the contingency is his penis.
I mean, that's.

Speaker 1 It's not like I pulled it out. I just, you know, I'm wild.
Yeah, you're crazy. I'm free.
You know, I'm wild up there. But the beauty is you're not for everybody, and they're not for you.

Speaker 1 So that's a yeah, but it's it's a business, right?

Speaker 1 So if I'm selling tickets, don't you ever just want to like uh rent out the parking lot across the street, say I'm doing my own show, and say, fuck you.

Speaker 1 I fantasize about that all the time. Didn't Stanhope used to do that? He did that at the JFL, right? At the JFL thing.
And who's got the last laugh?

Speaker 1 It's Doug.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I win this one.
He would outlive JFL.

Speaker 1 Did he really do that? Yeah, he had his own party. It was dope.
He'd rented out a car wash, and he just had it in the car wash. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He kept dripping away and going over to his party. Because it was fucking incredible.
Yeah, it was awesome. Oh, my God.
I wouldn't want to go to JFL if you could do that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because they dissed him in some way or what? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think it was also that, but he also kind of, he just likes making fun shit take place and just a place for comics to go. Yeah, it's just like, you know, like all the, you know, the laws.

Speaker 1 Corporate hubbub. Yeah.
Well, it was like the cool thing was it's always, you know, those parties up there, like, they're kind of parties, but you're kind of schmoozing, so it's not really fun. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And also, agents don't know how to have fun, and, you know, execs don't know how to have fun. He made an act, he had an actual fun party at JFL.
Right.

Speaker 1 Mostly for comic. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Doug is my favorite comic.

Speaker 1 Of all time, you think? Yeah. No, I think Doug, nobody doesn't like him.
No one ever. He's like the, whatchamacallit?

Speaker 1 He's the original, I think. Who's your least favorite comic of all time? Well, in this room?

Speaker 1 See, you did the lights again.

Speaker 1 Did you have a story where you and I, when you and him stopped talking for some reason, was there like ever a fallout with you guys? No. When you guys were writing together, why did it stop?

Speaker 1 We were writing together for like four days. When I opened for him, it It wasn't like months and months.
I thought it was the thing. I wore it.
No, no, no. It was a brief.
It was a brief thing.

Speaker 1 And they moved. Yes.

Speaker 1 He would come to New York. He's like, you look pale.
Go back to LA. Everything sucks here.

Speaker 1 Because you're the, I'll be honest with you. Out of all these years of riding with so many people, you were the best one.
Thank you. That's very nice.
No one takes it more. He really does the work.

Speaker 1 But he understands also the way I talk and my voice. And he was able to

Speaker 1 cut around the fatter on the setups and stuff so we can get to the thing. And you were just able to get my cadence down.
Oh, thanks. And so, and then you moved.

Speaker 1 And like, the couple of jokes that we did, I still have it in my act sometimes. Awesome.
And it's like, and it's like, where the, come back. Wow.
Come back. So let's do it.
Do you live here now?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm here in New York, but I am here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, but I thought it was going to be like, we only worked for four days, and then we wrote the karate kid.

Speaker 1 It was just, he's football, and I'm writing it down, and then I'm playing this guy, and I'm like, Mr. Miyagi, and he's like, watch out, Daniel.
And it's like, just boom. Next thing you know, Emmy.

Speaker 1 I mean, whatever that is. Awesome.

Speaker 1 It's come back, man. But I would love to work with you again.

Speaker 1 Well, maybe, I mean, I mean, how many dates do you do with Dave on the road?

Speaker 1 He's a headliner.

Speaker 1 He's his own guy. Yeah, less and less as it is.
But, yeah. Awesome.

Speaker 1 Okay. I don't want to downgrade you as a feature.

Speaker 1 My bad. As a headline.

Speaker 1 I know that you're a headliner, right? Congratulations. You have your own special and everything.
I do. Congratulations.
It's on YouTube. I know.
I've not ever head on there.

Speaker 1 It's on YouTube, all right? I talked to you. How many hits? Over a million.
Watch out, beheading videos.

Speaker 1 Watch out, Islamic Jamahad. Jamahad.
I'm heading your way.

Speaker 1 Anyway, anyway,

Speaker 1 welcome back.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'd like to meet your wife, too.
Oh, yeah, you should. She's really nice.
Okay. This would be great.
Your wife makes a mean, what is that again? Turnip soup. You'll love it.
Makes a great,

Speaker 1 give me a a name, something.

Speaker 1 I didn't buy a Ukrainian bride.

Speaker 1 She's not turnip soup. She's a very nice lady, Italian lady.

Speaker 1 From the West Coast? She's from the West Coast. But we met in New York.
I think when you live in New York, you're kind of still drawn to California people. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not Dave. No.
Well, he's from New York, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dave, is there a date where you're going to be like, okay, this is, I'm getting, I mean, is there an age where you're going to be like, I'll be 60 next year? It's going to either happen then or no.

Speaker 1 It's either that or I started dog sanctuary. I figured it's got like one of those things like, yeah, you know, the dogs get me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But you think, can you see yourself doing it at 70? No, I don't think I'll live that long.
I mean, but I'd say 60. I probably made it next year, but I already did a will.

Speaker 1 Did you really make a will? Yeah, I think I did.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 I have arthritis in my hands now.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You do?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I can feel myself getting old.

Speaker 1 That sucks. My knees, you know.
Those nunchucks really do. When you mishandle them all the time, it just kind of gets your nuts.

Speaker 1 That's true. That's true.
Oh, so you're thinking now's the time, now or never, right? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 With a woman, right? You want to get a.

Speaker 1 I think I'm. Well, I talked to this girl this morning.
She's just had a baby. Okay, so that's the girl you're kind of hoping for.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 She was telling me, she's like, Bob, she goes, Bobby, I'm telling you, I don't know why I didn't do this earlier. This is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Oh, how old is she?

Speaker 1 She's probably 34. 35th age for it.
Right, right.

Speaker 1 I'm trying right now.

Speaker 1 Like right now. No, not right now.

Speaker 1 No, but she is ovulating. So

Speaker 1 I have to go and bust it. You want to get out of here? No, I mean, like, we'll see what time we have.
How old are you? I'm 44. So it's still.
That's another great age. Yeah.
It's a good age.

Speaker 1 They're all good ages.

Speaker 1 Look at your staff of young men over there.

Speaker 1 What is that?

Speaker 1 Well, that great fathering years. Very young.
Our vampire, Andre, he's 116. Oh, my God.
That's a great age. Do you regret not having a baby? Yeah, I'm regretting it.

Speaker 1 I'm regretting it right now.

Speaker 1 Really? No, I do. Yeah, I mean, like, you know, relationship, whatever, but it would be nice to have some kids.
But honestly,

Speaker 1 you know, the lifestyle we have is not very conducive. A lot of the road stuff is just, you know, endless amount of travel and all that kind of stuff.
But yeah, I would like to, you know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But you could tell me Steve Martin did it late. Well, but he's a genius, though.
Everybody always brings stuff up.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of legendary comics.

Speaker 1 But Albert Brooks,

Speaker 1 but these guys are like one of the kind.

Speaker 1 Dave. yeah you are that yeah all right but i can't see me and my son on a tribble run

Speaker 1 son you ever been to a comfort in in montana son but you know you're a legend right i don't like i know i'm just saying i don't say it i know but you're like somebody that's like don't i know i'm going to no i don't what are you smoking for we're all in this i'm not smoking

Speaker 1 getting nervous but

Speaker 1 we're all we're all we're all in the trenches together i know but i know but i'm just i dude let me say

Speaker 1 Yeah, I want to smoke that too.

Speaker 1 What I want to say is, like, I have Asian kids come up to me and go, oh, man, dude, like, thank you. And you're letting, you know what I mean? And I go, I haven't made it yet.

Speaker 1 You know, that's the feeling.

Speaker 1 I haven't, like, I'm still trying to discover and get to the next level or whatever. So it doesn't feel, it feels like I'm old when they say that.
But

Speaker 1 it's true to them.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. That they look up to me and when they were young, they saw me on Mad TV or whatever I might be.

Speaker 1 Wait, what? I'm listening. Okay.

Speaker 1 So it was about me for a minute, wasn't it? Yeah, for a minute. No, but no.
No, that was back to you. No, but I like that.

Speaker 1 No, but I'm just wondering if you're not. I wish you could both accept that about yourselves and stop talking shit to yourselves in your heads, you know? Yeah, yeah.
Easy, Dr. Seuss, whoever you are.

Speaker 1 So, Dave, isn't it? No, but I was just thinking about it.

Speaker 1 But whenever somebody comes at you with that, like, dude, you don't know, man. Like,

Speaker 1 it's always your worst day. It's always for me.
It's like, oh, my God, my catheter fell out. What are you saying?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. But yeah, no, you hate.

Speaker 1 I'm just not a compliment guy, but I understand. Like, we've been doing this for decades.
And the thing that people really don't understand is that, you know,

Speaker 1 the best comics are the ones that are fun to hang off stage and on stage. You're definitely both of those, man.
Like, it's just, you're a good guy. And

Speaker 1 I'm good to us. So, you know, it's a scene.

Speaker 1 It's a lifestyle. It's a lifestyle, yeah.
I think a lot of the new comics that come in and they kind of go like,

Speaker 1 Do you have any advice? They'll say, and I'll be like, Well, get comfortable shoes because you're going to be standing in front of comedy clubs probably for the next 20 years.

Speaker 1 You know, yeah, yeah, it's that kind of a thing. Take care of your feet, and it's never what they want to hear, but it really is like you got to like commit to it, you know.

Speaker 1 And once you can, like, there's nothing more you'd ever want to do. So, it is unbelievable.
I mean, you never think because remember the early days where you're like, I don't know how I'm gonna do it.

Speaker 1 I mean, what was your backup plan? There was no, I didn't have one with your love of art and history,

Speaker 1 Yeah. And so I just remember going, how? And then I'm so glad I didn't quit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what it is.

Speaker 1 Just not quitting. Well, just the hard work and talent.
But yeah, not quitting is all. I know, you got to have that.

Speaker 1 I believe more in hard work than talent, but I agree that there are some people that are just like gifted at this.

Speaker 1 But I'd say that the hard work, especially like, you know, when things like you have those highs and lows and when like you're like, we talk about this all the time, like, just this no new material.

Speaker 1 I can't believe it. Like, we're trying and listening to the tapes and all this stuff.
And then they finally get like the clouds part, and like, God looked down on you, or whatever.

Speaker 1 You're like, okay, great. Well, this will keep me going till the next, you know, till the next run.
So that feeling is so

Speaker 1 when you first start, that's what it is. You're like, oh my God, oh, I figured something out.
That'll keep me going. You know,

Speaker 1 yeah. That's it.

Speaker 1 That's it. I like it.
Is something happening under the table?

Speaker 1 No. Nothing.
No, no, no,

Speaker 1 I'm absorbing what you just said, the information. Yeah.
And that's right. I have to take more risks.
That's what it is. Is that what you got out of it? I think I got out of that.
Yeah, I got it.

Speaker 1 You got to start.

Speaker 1 I would love to. You keep saying that, but we should just start.
Let's just move on from it. I don't want to talk about that.
No, we're not going to do it. Yeah, yeah.
Again, what about?

Speaker 1 Do you exercise? Yeah, I do.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 I think that's a little personal. What do you do? I think it's a little personal.
Sorry, my bad. My bad.
No, I. How many you do the.
I just had

Speaker 1 my shoulder operated on, and that was like six months ago. And then you have to ease your way back in.

Speaker 1 So I do like a little hotel workout, but this is the guy who really, he knows, he actually goes to the hotel gym, which I don't like to do. He does that.
He's active. Yeah, I can see that.
I love it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It keeps me kind of a little sane. Yeah.
Especially because it's like, I like the scheduling of it all.

Speaker 1 Because if I say I'm going to go get coffee and write and read and hang for a minute, then I'll go make sure I just go to the gym from this time to this time. Then I feel like I'm good to not.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I feel like it frees me up in some weird way. I can't sleep if I don't do some kind of exercise.
I got some kind of crazy

Speaker 1 energy. I'll go sometimes on the road.
I'll go for super, super late night walks. I'll just walk for a while and I'll get tired.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'll just think it out, put stuff down on my phone, and then I'll be exhausted by the time I get home. I like to walk as well.
Yeah, I love it. What?

Speaker 1 When we're on the road, I'll wake up and then I'll go to the lobby. And he's already had a full day.
Full day. Yeah.
I'll have had a full day. He's got golf clubs.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 He's running I mean, he's got all kinds of things. Meetings he had.
And I'm literally just like, I'm just like,

Speaker 1 what is that?

Speaker 1 And I just feel like, oh, I started a small business by the time he got there. But it's like,

Speaker 1 will you just wake up at eight in the morning? It's like seven o'clock every day.

Speaker 1 Like when you're on the road, what time do you wake up? I don't really sleep on the road. I keep falling asleep in my clothes, which I think.

Speaker 1 Do you really? Because there's something about like you put that hotel TV on, and it's always like movies like, oh my God, Lord of the Rings, the trilogy.

Speaker 1 I mean, like, I'll just watch a few minutes and it's just like the whole thing goes and I'll just wake up my clothes and I'll run downstairs to smoke.

Speaker 1 So I'd say the majority of my action on hotels is going out to smoke, coming back in,

Speaker 1 reassuring the desk guy out front that I'm not, you know,

Speaker 1 a threat, you know.

Speaker 1 And then I'd like to walk. That's what I do.
And, you know,

Speaker 1 I think, especially if you're like, It's rare to be in a downtown now. It's usually all these clubs are out of town.
So you're like walking on highways.

Speaker 1 You're going, you know, like all these weird things. But when you're downtown, there's a lot to do, so or at least walk around.
So that I try and do that.

Speaker 1 Do you try to get hotels with balconies so you can smoke on the balcony?

Speaker 1 You can't do that. They don't want you to do that anymore.
Oh, really? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Every fun thing about smoking has been ruined. Even in Vegas,

Speaker 1 there's very few smoking hotels now. It's funny because there's a hotel we're playing in Vegas, and there's a hotel right near us that is part of the chain of hotels that they own.

Speaker 1 And one of them is non-smoking and non-gambling. And it's like right off the strip.
Wow. Who is that for? It's called Aria or Aria.
What is it? Aria, right? Yeah. What is it? An Amish?

Speaker 1 It's so strange, though. It's non-smoking, non-gambling.
It's not, it's right, is it? It's not a casino or is it

Speaker 1 just a hotel. Oh, wow.
Which is right next to where we're playing. And it was weird because they talked to us about that.
They were like, do you want to stay at this, this, or whatever?

Speaker 1 Well, do you want to stay there? No. Why? Because I want smoking and gambling.

Speaker 1 That's fucking Las Vegas. Isn't it Vegas? Don't they have a lot of clubs?

Speaker 1 What's that?

Speaker 1 Don't they have like nightclubs and stuff there? Isn't it like it's still like

Speaker 1 a party there? No. No dancing.
No, it's Amish. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's footloof. And the lights are an illusion.
It's actually, there is no lights

Speaker 1 at CGI. No, that's just the brightness of the people in there.
We're such good people.

Speaker 1 Hey, great.

Speaker 1 I would live there. I mean, if I live

Speaker 1 in Second City, I would probably live there. Really? Let's move.
I'm with you, buddy. Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool.
Let's do it. They got great restaurants.
They do. Yeah, 24 hours.
24 hours.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were talking about the access. Save a couple of bucks on taxes.
Really? Yeah. Nevada, no state tax.
Yeah. Nicholas Cage.

Speaker 1 Oh, we got a good guy. Nikki lives there.
Yeah, Nikki's there. That'll be cool.
And Pauly Shore. Paulie's back now.
Oh, yeah. There's a lot of guys we know that live there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you need stage time.

Speaker 1 What is that? Stage time? Doesn't Regan live there now? Brian Regan. Yeah, Regan there.
Regan move there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But there's that club, Wise Guys, have you been there? No. It was great.

Speaker 1 Really? It was the one like off the strip. It's like

Speaker 1 it was in the strip mall. And I'm telling you, it was so much fun.
Like, Jeff Ross was in town, so he came by and did shows with me. Wow.

Speaker 1 It was just the locals, they get it, you know, like talk about a more jaded crowd. Like, you know, they like live with these Cirque du Soleil people.
So it's like, when they see it, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, and it's also like pretty, pretty big coin out there to go to see any show. It's so expensive.
So like comedy is pretty reasonable on that level. But like amphitheater style, not so much.

Speaker 1 What's the room seat? Probably about 400. Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 That's great. Yeah, I want to play that.
Why? You would kill it. Yeah, I'll play that.
Let's do a little sneaky one. You'll do

Speaker 1 Sneaky One Night or there. Yeah, let's do a Sneaky White.
That'll be be fun. Yeah.
No, Sneaky White?

Speaker 1 White people are sneaky. I'm sure.

Speaker 1 You've never seen the movies?

Speaker 1 That's not the Oppenheimer. That's not the sneaky, sneaky.
That's not the Pearl Harbor was sneaky, but what they did, sneaky, sneaky, sneaky.

Speaker 1 And then, bam, bam.

Speaker 1 Meow die.

Speaker 1 Put a Japanese person in that movie, man. No.

Speaker 1 What? In Oppenheimer. Yeah.
It's already over. What do you mean?

Speaker 1 It's done. We can't do it again.
Well, Oppenheimer, too, man. Well, you were the one.
You wanted more black people in Black Panther. Yeah, I did.
The limit.

Speaker 1 What kind of too small for me? Too small. He wants more, bigger.

Speaker 1 More. He wants more.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. There's a documentary on.
I already talked about this on HBO about. Oh, my God.
What? About what? About fucking the Hiroshima Nagasaki. Oh, right.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then the people, so people ran into like, they had these vats of water. This is the fun part of the show.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It took a turn. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to love it. Well, you know,

Speaker 1 when the bombs hit,

Speaker 1 have you heard of black rain? Yeah. No.
What is it? That's the radiation coming down with the soot and all that kind of stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 When the bomb, that's the actual material stuff that goes up off the initial plane. But people got so thirsty, they drank it.
Chemical. Oh, no.
Yeah. And then

Speaker 1 with the nuclear explosion,

Speaker 1 they had shadows of people that would just melt it actually into the

Speaker 1 sidewalk.

Speaker 1 Cement. Why'd you wink at me just now? You winked right back at me.
I know. You know why I winked at you.
We love it.

Speaker 1 That was actually a cool movie. That was, what's his name? Michael Rainbow.
Yeah, I like that one. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Black Rain. Broccoli Rain.

Speaker 1 Could you ever be like an action person?

Speaker 1 Movie guy. That's actually the best because there's very few lines from people like us.

Speaker 1 Watch out. You're funny.
You're being

Speaker 1 Bobby would be great in an action movie. Thank you so much, Louie.
Two days ago, I got offered one. Yeah.
What is it? The lead of a fucking action movie. Yeah, what is it?

Speaker 1 It's a doppelganger where I'm a doppelganger. That's great.
You got to say the word first.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're a boggle ganger? A doppelganger.
Quite frankly, I think I'd be a good assassin. I do think you would be a great assassin, my friend.
Number one, I don't sleep. That's right.
Right?

Speaker 1 And I'm very focused. Like, when I'm playing Stardew Valley, it's a farming simulation game.

Speaker 1 Sorry. Yeah, yeah.
For his ancestors. For my ancestors, yeah.
I'm very focused. And that's why I'm good at video games is because I like grinding.
So I'm very good at like noticing things.

Speaker 1 Would a scope be hard for you to look through, though? I'd get a different

Speaker 1 And I think I could

Speaker 1 sit there.

Speaker 1 Put your arm straight up. Can you hold your arm steady? Put your arms straight forward.
Why? Just straight up. Are you going to shame me? No, how steady is your hand?

Speaker 1 That's the whole big thing about snipers. Oh, bro.
Oh, yeah. Steady hand.
Oh, fuck yeah. Steady hand.

Speaker 1 Look at that.

Speaker 1 This is great. That's shaking.

Speaker 1 You do yours.

Speaker 1 Shaking. No, it's not.
Look at it. Yeah, me either then.
That's pretty good. You guys are both pretty good.
I think you can both be silent. Thanks.

Speaker 1 It looks like you both were hiling a young Hitler. Hey, little guy, keep it up.
Yeah, keep it up. Young Hitler coming soon.

Speaker 1 One day you will be great.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry to funding our way out of that.

Speaker 1 That was during the 92 LA. Yeah,

Speaker 1 good old days. Do you remember that? Yeah, I was here.
The Koreans were

Speaker 1 up on the fucking store. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Fighting. Look at them laughing.
Oh, I got cash out of the block. Okay.

Speaker 1 Why don't you thank our guests for being on the show? We're really going to end on that. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to let that sit.

Speaker 1 Why? It's always nice. Oh, did we get a long time? It's always nice to put it in that spot.

Speaker 1 Did we really do a long time? Yeah. Awesome.
See, we're breaking it, dude. Over an hour.
I love that.

Speaker 1 Thank you. That was long.
It was good.

Speaker 1 Thanks for having me. So let's plug your

Speaker 1 Dave Netflix special. Yes.
Hot Crust Buns. Hot Crust Buns.
Yes. Netflix special.
And big thanks to all the fans who've been watching it, supporting it, tweeting it, all that stuff.

Speaker 1 And my comedy friends, awesome. Dude, I can't thank respect love to you guys.
Thank you. Yeah.
Louis Katz. Yes.
I got a new special on YouTube. And

Speaker 1 I'm going to plug some dates to you. I'll be at the.

Speaker 1 No, don't do it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, please, please do.

Speaker 1 I'm at Zane's in Chicago, and I'm at the Punchline in San Francisco, and I'm in the DC improv also. Go to Louiscatz.com to get any of those tickets.
I will say this before we go.

Speaker 1 I really do, I want to give you, I know this is annoying for you, Dave, but massive amount of props for you're always such a supporter of the comedy community and comics.

Speaker 1 Are my good friend Ian, who, you know, you know,

Speaker 1 yes, just with Ian in Austin. He crushed it.
Check out Ian, B and Ian. That's his podcast.
Being Ian, which is I would say, if you're going to see a guy live, he's the guy.

Speaker 1 This guy, great joke writer. I mean, I have a compliment.

Speaker 1 This guy blows me away every time I see his stuff. I have a compliment for you.
Okay. Oh, this is great.
It's like a circle jerk. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And this is the true thing. Yeah.
So any comic. Thanks for listening, you guys.
Have a good night.

Speaker 1 Good night.

Speaker 1 No, I'll do it, please. No, any young comic, when they're like, I don't know how to write or whatever, right? I always like to refer to them to certain albums, right? And Skanks for the Memories.

Speaker 1 In terms of switches and just like, you know, being in the pocket, and you know, and they, they, I always refer to them to that album. Oh, thanks.

Speaker 1 It's one of the best comedy albums of all time, I think. It is.
Yeah. It's just the jokes are so good.
Oh, thanks. Yeah.
So anyway, good night. Thank you, boys.

Speaker 1 Thanks for being a bad friend.