Zac Efron & John Cena Make Bobby Cry

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Hey, everybody. Ricky Stenegi is out right now.
It's me. It's just me, actually.
The other guys that are in it, I don't know if they're important, but it is John Cena, Zac Efron, and Jermaine Fowler amongst a cast of other funny people. Great movie.
Watch it on Amazon Prime Video. Watch it on Prime Video.
Ricky Stinnicky, available right now. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
Hey, guys, quiet, please. We're doing a show.
Bobby likes to yell. I like to yell.
I'm so sorry. You guys are publicists.
I want you to introduce our guests the proper way. What? Yeah, so you guys split.
There's only two and two. We have Zac Efron, John Cena, Jermaine Fowler, Andrew Santino, and they're in a new movie called Rick Smiles.
Ricky Smiles is our new movie. He does smile a lot in the movie.
I'm telling you right now, I heard it's a banger, dude. Tell the boys everything you know about Ricky Smiles.
What I know about the Ricky Smiles is that he smiles a lot in the movie. And, dude, it's like, you know, remember the movie Smile? I do.
I've seen it. You know, my friends are in it yeah yeah we're in a movie called ricky stenicky so do another introduction welcome to the um bad friends podcast we have two three very five four very big actors and stuff yeah sorry thanks yeah i.
Yeah, they are. They're bigger than you.
Physically, yeah, they are. So we're with two very big stars.
One comic I've known for very years. I don't even know.
He's a star? I know he is, but you're not them. Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah. He's not! He's not them! And then we got Andrew, my buddy, right? John and I go way back.
We did MAD TV together. A couple of years, he punched me.
He slapped my stomach in a sketch okay so john he wants to know he was scared and nervous he's nervous now do you remember this guy yeah you are oh my god do i remember it i remember it like it was yesterday you got to understand uh i appreciate the kind words bobby and uh look up when he's speaking to you or don't whatever no i need him to look up state uh look up we uh you know wrestling in WWE for a long time has been looked at in a certain light. And you were kind enough to welcome me on your show and do a bit asking me to do some crazy stuff.
And boy, did you take a whole hell of a lot of punishment. But you also gave us an avenue to introduce WWE to a whole different audience.
So thank you for that. I greatly appreciate it.
I remember like it was yesterday.

You know what, man?

You know what, man?

Yeah.

The pleasure's all mine.

Wow, dude. He was so nervous

that you wouldn't remember him, John.

He was really scared, John.

He was so nervous.

I wasn't scared.

Yeah, you were.

I'm not scared, you bitch.

You're never going to remember me.

I'm not scared.

All right?

Anyway, tell us about the movie.

Tell us about the movie. Tell us about the movie.
Well, the movie comes out March 7th on Amazon Prime Video. And what do you think some of your favorite stuff is? What do you mean? Huh? What do you think some of your favorite things in the movie are? You saw the trailer.
I never saw it. Okay, good.
It's because of jealousy. Can we do something real fast, by the way, with the boys? This is kind of how chaotic our show always is.
But we're going to call somebody because it's her birthday today. Did you call her today? Who is this person? It's your mom's birthday today.
Is it really? Do you not know it's your mother's birthday today? Oh, fuck, dude. You seriously don't know that? I swear to God.
I sent her a happy birthday first thing in the morning. That's insane that you wouldn't.
What's the date? I don't want to be here if it is. Today is the 13th.
This is your mom's birthday. Yeah, she's not going to pick up for you.
Well, you call her. I'll pick her.
She's going to pick up for me, not you. She just sent me a bunch of texts.
She sent me photos this morning from the tub. What, like? No, just being like enjoying my tub.
She was shriveled up, Teddy. Her titties are shriveled up, dude.
Oh, she picked up and hung up. FaceTime her, so you can really? Because we'd like to sing happy birthday to Bob's mom.

Because Bobby's 52. His mom is...

How old is your mom?

1,000 years old.

1,158?

Yeah, and no one's counting. Here we go.

But I texted his mom. This is how I knew what would happen on this.

I texted her first thing in the morning.

Here we go.

If she doesn't pick up for me, I have no more money.

Every month I spend $3,500, no more money. I thought it was more than that.
That's it now? For 20 years, $3,500 a month is pretty good. It's not bad.
Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're a little bit...
I'm a good son. A little bit cheap if you mean...
I'm not here. Leave a message.
Let's leave a message. Yeah, let's leave you.
Happy birthday to you. No.
Happy birthday to you. No.
Happy birthday. Zach and John Cena are here to say happy birthday.
I'm with John Cena. You know him.
Zach, you know. Jermaine Fowler.
You're not going to do Jermaine. You're not going to do Andrew.
She does know me. She knows.
I know she knows you. So let's sing happy birthday.
We're going to sing happy birthday real fast. Ready? One, two, three.
Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday, dear mom. Oh, my.
Oh, my. Oh, my.
Oh, my. Happy birthday to you.
Thanks, mom. She's the greatest woman on earth.
She came back to our Phoenix show and just like the Lee fashion, she didn't want to talk to anybody. She sat on the couch and she was looking at BTSts pictures on her ipad for about an hour and a half she loves them that's her favorite she wishes her son was like bts she wishes you were in yeah yeah i'm a fat fuck you are i'm sorry but that's okay any i'm sorry the girls don't like that yeah i'm so sorry yeah well i did this to my body you know me and jermaine were talking about, we were playing a little game, guys.
Yeah, let's play a game.

Let's play a game.

So I was giving him some evergreen movies,

and let's just play a little game,

and he knew a lot, right?

So I'm going to give you some,

and if you do this, that's a buzzer.

Okay.

All right.

Name me one actor in the movie Mean Streets.

Come on.

Jermaine.

Did you make it?

Okay, go ahead.

There's a mic.

Get the mic, Zach.

De Niro, right?

De Niro. Ding, ding, ding, ding.
One point for Efron. One point for...
All right, how about this? One actor in the movie being there. Yeah, go ahead.
Who's back there? Go ahead. Who knows? Peter Sellers.
Fuck yeah. The random Spanish dude.
One to one. The first one to three weeks.
Thank you, John. John, you got to get in on this.
this. That's a killer film.
I'll help you out here, John. Here we go.
One actor in the movie, The Wrestler. Mickey Rourke.
What? Mickey Rourke? John, what the fuck, dude? That was yours. That was a layup, dude.
That was a layup for you. Todd Berry.
What? Yeah. Take this, because you're in the competition.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you're not in it? No.
Yeah, yeah. Say that line again.
It was very funny. I'm competing to the best of my ability.
I know you are, Jeff. You're doing so good, dude.
Name another one. You're doing so good.
Thank you so much. Yeah, one to two.
Okay, so here. All right.
Should I go deep? Secrets. Okay.
Name one actor in the movie. Ricky Snicky.
Zach. Zach.
Zac Efron. Bro, dude.
Dude, you're on. Dude.
He got it. Dude, you're in it, dude.
You didn't know that, John? I didn't know that. I almost said Matt Damon.
I almost said Matt Damon. I just wanted to say Matt Damon.
I don't know why. Is Matt Damon in it? All I could see was his face.
Maybe he could be in it. Are we done with the game or do you want to do one more? It's two to two to one.
Whoever goes to three. And what happens to the winner? What does the winner get? Oh, you're going to get a 10-second hug from me.

Wow.

Yeah.

It's not – I know this is a movie.

I know we're in Hollywood, right?

It's not sexually based.

It's more like a soldier –

Why did you say that?

It's good.

Because you know Hollywood –

It's more of a soldier coming home, visiting his dad.

You know how they surprise their dad?

It's like more of those kind of hugs.

Thanks.

You know what I mean?

Like, welcome home, son. I can't wait.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
And the Vietnam War. The Korean War.
Let's make it Korean War because I'm Korean. What the fuck? What war do you want, Jermaine? I don't know.
You got to pick one. Jermaine, we can do any war you want.
What kind of war hug reenactment would you like? Vietnam. You want Vietnam? Yeah, yeah.
Okay, Korean. Jermaine, we can do any war you want.
What kind of warthog reenactment would you like? Vietnam. Vietnam from a hunker.
Yeah, yeah. Okay, great.
Oh, you want to do Vietnam? Okay, so it's a tie, two to two to one. Because of the Lord's Finchburn? Yes, the reference, yes.
With the tune, right? No. No, no, Apocalypse Now, Jinx.
Apocalypse Now, my bad. All right, my bad.
All right, so go ahead. What's the final movie question? Okay, here we go.
Let's go. By the way, Zach paused long enough to not know it was his name in this movie.
Who's in the movie? He was like, he said Zac Efron. He said Zac Damon.
I almost wanted you to like look at your hand like Zac Efron. That's me.
I just hit the table. One actor.
One actor. In the movie, Close Encounters of the Third Kind.
Ooh, this is good. Come on.
Come on, boys. John, do you know? Oh.
I can't think of a single person. The guy from Jones is in it, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's his name? He's in like all of his movies. Well, he's going to get a hug now.
Oh, yeah. You're going to have to cherish this hug.
This is important. Richard Dreyfuss.
Richard Dreyfuss is in it? No. Oh, my God, dude.
Zach's buzzed. He didn't buzz.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's Richard Dreyfuss.
He's in it? Give him a hug. We do? Yeah, Zach gets along.
Build this up. Hold on, hold on.
Let me set the scenario, though. What? You did.
Yeah, you did. Yeah, dude, you didn't want to hug me.
You knew the answer. You didn't want to hug me.
That's fucked up. That's fucked up, dude.
You know what, Jermaine? You play out the scene right now with Bobby right behind us. Give a hug like you're coming home from the war.
We can both be coming home from the war. Yeah.
Or we've built it up so much we can just take it away from him. Yeah, we could.
Never give him the satisfaction. This is a joke.
Yeah, yeah. All right.
All right, Zach. Zach, you've just come home.
Zach, you play the dad. You're the dad.
I was adopted. Obviously, I was adopted.
No, no, no. What if his wife was Korean? I don't look half Asian.
Yeah, you do. You look full Asian, but there.
Now that's half. That's half.
That's half. Look at that.
This is a guy from Tennessee. This is a guy from Tennessee.
There he is. How you doing, man? All right.
Hey, Dan. Welcome home, son.
This is the Korean War. It doesn't make any sense.
Why? What did it make? Why? You're a soldier from Korea. 1950s.
You're a soldier from America who fought in Korea. You're half.
Welcome home, son. Oh, but there he is.
Well, well, well. Oh, we're so glad you're back.
You're my dad. You're his dad.
Welcome home, dad. You thought I was going to be dead.
Wait a minute. This doesn't make any sense.
You're a half Korean kid who went to fight in the Korean War on the American side fighting against the North Koreans. Yes.
It makes perfect sense. Now it makes perfect sense.
Of course. So walk in the door and hug your son, Dad.
Yeah, but when I walked in, Dad didn't even give a fuck I was in the room. That's what a dad would do.
Really? He thought his son was going to die? I'm surprised again. You? He thought you were going to make it through? I don't think you...
You're the first one to go. I know.
That's my point. You should be more surprised.
You should be shocked that he made it home. I don't think he knew you left.
He's a stoic. He's a stoic.
Oh, he's a stoic. I didn't know the acting chops.
All right, so here you go. Zach, this is really showing some good acting chops with your son coming home.
Your half Korean son coming home from the Korean War, fighting on the American side, of course. He's home.
You're reading the paper. Go ahead.
My eyes are burning. Hurry.
Do it like Matt Damon would do it. Okay, let him do it.
He's settling in. Go ahead.
Who's there? Who is there? Why would I knock him? I'm going to walk into my own house. No, you don't live there anymore.
He thinks you're dead. I still have a room.
Okay. Okay.
Great. What the fuck are you doing? Get the fuck out of here, man.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Sorry. My bad.
He's literally doing his job I'll snap dude I'll Christian Bale don't CB it right now don't oh man good to be home who's that who's there Dan no friggin way way. No way.
Is he blind? No, he got blinded from a bomb. Yeah, from a bomb.
Wow, you're back. I can't believe you beat him.
Congratulations. How was the war? It was terrible.
Was it? That's all kinds of things, Dad. What have you been wanting more than anything? A hug from your daddy.
Get a hug from your daddy. You're back.
Count the seconds. Daddy.
Oh, son, I'm so happy you're back. One, 1,000.
Two, 1,000. Three, 1,000.
It's a multi-cam audience. Four, 1,000.
Five, or is it not 1,000? It's like Oklahoma One Mississippi. Two Mississippi.
Okay, there it is.

Give it up for that. That was a great scene.

And you know what? That should be in the movie.

That should be in the movie.

It was a long 15 seconds.

Felt like three years to me.

Jermaine,

okay, we like to do some unorthodox questions

on the show.

We like to throw you off. We like a game called Who's the Fatty? And every week we measure on our crew who's gained a little bit of weight.
If you can guess the correct weight of Bobby, you get a prize. We have a scale.
Did we bring the scale? Did we bring it? We didn't bring it? I've got the scale. Okay, so what do you think his current weight is? He's looking right at me, man.
Yeah, stand up and do a spin. Yeah, spin.
God, he's looking right at me. Lift up your shirt.
He's staring. Yeah, because gray looks like, there it is.
Thanks, that helps. It actually does help.
But it's not heavy weight. And now if you guess the weight, you get a prize.
And tell them how tall you are. Five foot? Five four.
No, five two and a half. Five two and a half.
Five two and a half. Five two and a half.
Five two and a half. You look good.
168. 168 from Zach? Go ahead.
I was going to say 165. 165? Six and a half stone.
Six and a half stone. I have no idea.
I don't do any of that European stuff. It's got to be.
He's good. That is John.
John would give us a task. How many pounds is six and a half stone? It's 91 pounds.
I don't wear 91 pounds. That's insane, dude.
Just call it like a season. A guess is a guess is a guess, dude.
I'm 170. Who got it closest? Zach did? Yep.
And you know what you get, Zach? Another 10-second hug. Yes! Another hug.
Another hug. He's home from the war again.
I'm doing it again. Oh, my God.
Another war. Another war.
Vietnam this time. Vietnam.
Vietnam this time. Oh, Dad.
He loves our country. One Texas.
Three Texas. Texas Christian University, four Texas Christian University,

five Texas... Very good, you guys.

Very, very good.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Thanks for your service, Bobby.

No, you gotta go

every one of their weight.

No, no, no, just you.

That's the show.

Well, because yours

is the most fun.

Yours is the most deceiving.

170 is good.

Yours is deceptive.

Being 5'2", 170 is good?

I think so, right, Joe?

That's not good. Good.
How tall are you? 5'7"? 5'2", 170 is good? I think so, right, Joe? That's not good.

Wait, how tall are you?

5'7"?

5'7".

How much do you weigh?

150?

What is that?

That's normal.

Yeah, it is.

That's normal.

I'm abnormal.

So what are you supposed to be?

I should be 140.

You know how good I'd look, though?

Move over, Steven Yoon. You carry it well.
Oh, yeah. He wants no real question from everybody.
What your answer might be. Okay, so very serious.
John, hi. Good to see you again.
Good to see you, too. You have not aged.
You look so good. Neither of you.
You look the same. That's not true.
That's completely true.

Thank you.

You grew the hair a little bit, sideburns. Thank you so much.

And congratulations.

Thank you.

You as well.

On all your success.

You as well.

I'm doing okay.

You are.

I'm doing okay.

You are.

Don't do this.

What the fuck are you doing?

John, why was I not in the movie?

That's an honest question.

My answer is those choices are way above my pay grade.

That's the political one.

That's the genuine one.

I don't have any stroke. Okay.
What do you think? Why wasn't he in the movie? Did you audition? Maybe that too. Maybe that too.
Were you aware of it in any capacity? Yeah, I was aware of it. I tracked it.
You know how you track projects?

Oh, were you on the tracking boards?

No, but I was like, okay, Ricky, Ricky.

What role in the movie do you think you could have played in this film? Ricky, Ricky.

Okay, so John is Ricky Stenicki, right?

Of course he is.

He's the guy that we hire to play our alibi best friend.

Of course he is.

Efron and Jermaine and I are the three best friends.

Where do you think you slide in?

You think you could have gotten Jermaine's role? Yeah, yeah. I mean, is yours black specific? Well, yeah.
You're the minority friend, right? It was minority. You're the minority friend.
You want to be the minority friend. Where would I be? What would I be? Thank you, dude.
We're in the same category. What would you be? Well, at one point, what could he have been? We ate at a restaurant.
My partner? You couldn't have been his partner. Why? Because in the movie, his partner is a beautiful little handsome man.
And they, and that's, you could have been his partner. Oh.
You know, you could have been his partner. Why go? Seconds on Steak Fries? Yes.
Yes. Could have been him.
What's that? A commercial actor? You saw the movie. No.
Yeah Yeah, if you saw it, it's coming out after you. We actually sent it to you.

We sent it to you

and you didn't watch it,

but can I just...

That's okay.

I know what you're trying

to do right now.

I know what you're trying

to do right now.

I didn't do anything.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What did I do?

I want to let you guys

know right now, okay?

I wish I was in the movie,

but I'm okay.

I'm doing my other things

as well.

What are you doing?

I'm not going to mention

the things I'm in,

but I'm just saying

I got other things as well and I'm okay with my life. So going to mention things I'm in, but I'm just saying I got other things as well

and I'm okay with my life. So I know

what you guys are trying to do and you know what I mean?

Fuck you.

You said you were fine.

You said you were fine.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Fucking pieces of shit.

I love you. As long as you're good.

I'm good, Zach.

I'm good, Zach. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't worry. We'll edit all that out.

You can't say fuck you on this? Well, I don't

Thank you. As long as you're good, man.
I'm good, Zach. I'm good, Zach.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Don't worry.

We'll edit all that out.

You can't say fuck you on this?

Well, I don't think the press is going to like us saying fuck you to the guys on the movie.

I promise you.

I'll cut it out.

Can I still do the eyes coming in like that?

That was pretty good, right?

What?

No, no.

We're going to leave it out.

Who sponsors this?

Evian.

Honestly, Evian.

Anymore? Yeah. You see how empty this room is? And we have seven publicists and people that are working on the film on the other side of the camera for the boys ready to pounce at any moment.
They're working. So where's the movie airing? It's going to be on Amazon Prime Video March 7th.
Very good. Amazon Prime Video March 1st.
Condescending, condescending, condescending. Bobby, you're doing it on purpose, man.
It's the 7th. What? March 7th.
March 7th, Amazon Prime. Video.
There will be a square. No, it's not.
Just Prime. Prime Video.
Prime Video. No, it was Amazon Prime Video, not just Prime Video.
He said just Prime. Say Video Prime.
Amazon owns Video Prime. It's Prime Video.
It's going to be on somewhere. Prime Video.
It'll be on. The internet.
The internet. And your TV.
And your TV. And I'm going to say this.
I can't believe, and I'm going to be completely honest with you. Please be honest.
May I be honest? Please be honest. Why would this star of caliber, with the Farrelly brothers behind it.
Pete Farrelly himself, not Bobby. Whatever.
That's why we only got one of the two Farrelly's. Anyway, and I cannot believe that it's not going to theaters.
We agree. It should be in the movie theaters.
And I don't know who's behind it, but it's probably... What? Amazon is behind the whole thing.
You know that. Jeff Bezos.
Should we call him? Yeah, do you have a stop? I'll call Bezos right now, and I'll ask him what's going on. Call Bezos.
I hope this one works. I'm going to call

Jeff Bezos right now. He's with his mom.

Because I'm

going to say, and I want you to say, Jeff, put it in the

theaters. Will you do that if he picks up? Yeah, yeah.

Please? Yeah, yeah, I will.

I've never talked to him, but I'll...

Hold on.

He's on a yacht or something.

La lavanda ha vuelto

a Starbucks.

Pon un toque de primavera en tu taza con el Ice Lavender Matcha. Que lo disfrutes.
Tus Ice Lavender Lattes están listos en Starbucks. Here we go.
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Hi.

Hello?

Hi.

It's your mom.

It's your mom.

But act as like it's Jeff Bezos. Mom.
Are you Jeff Bezos? Yeah, Jeff. Talk to Jeff.
Anyway, Jeff Bezos. Good.
Jeff Bezos. How come Ricky Sostenicki is not in theaters? No, I can hear you.
Happy birthday. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, mom. Happy birthday, Jeff Bezos.
Happy birthday, Jeff Bezos. Mom? Oh, you're on the iPad? She doesn't want to speak in English.
Okay. It's okay,, Daddy.
No, it's okay, Mom. Answer one question for us.
She's about to die. I think that was her back.
She's going, I, I, I, I, what? I want to talk to my son. Yeah.
She just called me my brother's name. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. I heard it.
Okay, Mom. Anyway.
The better brother? Okay. Good birthday.
Jeff Bezos. Jeff Bezos.
Sounds weird. What is he doing? Jeff.
Jeff. Put it in the theaters.
Please. Okay.
Mom, what the fuck is? Okay. I'll talk to you later.
Okay. Bye Bye, Jeff.
Wow. I don't think I needed this for this interview.
Sounds different. The call was redirected a little bit.
Yeah, he's under a little medication, Jeff. What's been going on with you? What do you mean? What's been going on, dude? Slow down a little bit.
Yeah, he's living that fast life, man. You know he gets so excited He does he turns Korean He turns into an old Korean woman It's interesting You know one of those things It's going to be out on March 7th And that is The new world that we live in And it's going to be everyone's TV They don't have to watch it.
They can watch it at home. Yeah.
Watch it on your phone. It's going to be great.
It's going to be a hit. And I'm really very looking forward to it.
You're very looking forward to it? Yeah, I cannot wait. Okay, so do some sign-off questions with the boys.
I know you want some one-on-one time. You begged for it.
You got all nervous before we came here. I wasn't nervous.
You were so nervous. No, I'll tell you what I was.
He was pacing and smoking again. He put my cologne on.
Which we're not smoking. I put your cologne on.
It was great. I wasn't pacing.
Here's why, right? Here's why is because, you know, we live in a podcast world where we can say whatever we want. And here I have to be a little bit more, you know, professional about it.
No. No.
It lives. It happens.
It lives. It lives.
It happens. Yeah.
I mean, you know, I meant it. You know, I meant it.
No. It lives.
It lives. It lives.
It lives. Yeah.
I mean, I, you know, I meant it. You know, I meant it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I meant it. But no, I was like, thank you so much.
It's very good acting. So I was just wondering, like, how am I going to be able to navigate it? But I think it went pretty good so far.
I think you did a wonderful job. Yeah, I think you did a wonderful job.
So do a sign-off question with each of the guys. What does that mean? You asked in that final question that you read the final question you really wanted to ask.

Okay.

So I want to.

All right.

So, John.

How's your mom?

She's fantastic.

Honestly, she's fantastic.

I often confuse her with Jeff Bezos.

But she's fantastic.

Thank you so much.

You are.

I'll tell her.

She said you said signing off. Thank you.
Yeah. Zach.
She's fantastic. Thank you so much.
I'll tell her you said hello. Signing off.
Thank you. Zach.
Oh, yeah. Can I say something? Sure.
I'm not, you know, I like women. What's that? You like women? I like women.
Do you want me to tell the guys what you said before we started? No, I don't want to do that.

But what I'm going to say is that I like women.

You like all people?

Humans, yeah.

You like humans.

100%.

But you're saying right now at this stage in your life, you're into girls?

I've always been.

Well, okay.

Okay.

Yeah, that's fine.

I was just saying that, you know, I was like, I wasn't wondering if Zac Efron is as handsome as in real life.

Oh, so you're saying in case you might not be into women, would Zac?

I'm 100% into women.

It's fine if you're not.

But I'm 100% into women. It's fine if you're not.
But I remind you of a woman? No. Does he remind you of a woman? No, no.
Is that what you're trying to say? I've got to get it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm just saying what I'm saying is that you look just as good as I perceived you to be. On the scale of what you thought he was going to, what does this have to do with you liking him? Thanks, brother.
Just because I don't want him to think he's hitting on me or whatever. Well, try to hit on him and see if he's into it.
I don't want to do that. Try to hit on him and see if he's into it.
You have beautiful eyes. Your eyes are stunning.
That was more of a statement. You got to turn it off.
All right, all right. Thanks for these questions.
Are those your real eyes? Yeah. I told you.
I'm fucking your eyes. I told you the whole time.
Those are his fake eyes. No, CGI.
He bought those. CGI, I thought.
He bought those on Amazon. AI, dude.
What the fuck? Those are face-to-face made eyes. Those are real, dude.
No, they're real. They are.
Amazing. I'm asking the question you wanted to ask.
Bobby wants to know if you'd ever be interested in any sort of world if you'd go to a dinner date with him. No, that's one-on-one.
I never said that. I don't even answer that.
That's ridiculous. One-on-one.
I'm never going to see you again. We're going to get a date with him.
It's platonic. I'm never going to see him again.
It's platonic. It's a friend.
Do you want to go? We could do a group thing one day. No, you one-on-one.
I'm not going to one-on-one. Back to Jermaine.
Fuck you. Ask him.
Will you want to go on a date? Bottom of my heart, I'd love to. I'll get that.
I said thank you. I told you.

It wasn't that hard.

You just asked.

All right, Jermaine's final question. So, Jermaine, you know, can I say this?

Can I make a statement first and then a question?

You've done that the whole time, so yeah.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I don't know why you'd stop now.

Thank you.

I have to say, look at me, dude.

Jermaine, lean in, please, if you don't mind.

I've known you for a while.

Why are you so shy right now?

Yeah.

So cute. And before we did this, I said you checked every one of my boxes.
Yes, you did. Yeah.
Is that your question? No, I'm making a statement first. Oh, right.
It's always statement first. And, you know, the look game, the style.
Yeah, man. I like it.
And also the funny game, dude. Too legit to quit, dude.
Amazing. You don't have to do like a black phrase when you do that.
You don't have to do that. You can just say.
How about this? I'm sorry, my bad. You don't have to do that.
Your comedy game is okie-dokie. That's so white.
That's so white. Give it like a more uplifting white phrase.
What? Like, you know. Cowabunga, man.
Cowabunga, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Cowabunga, man. Your comedy game is cowabunga.
Cowabunga, dude. It's out of sight.
But guess what? Guess what, dude? What game did I realize today? That my movie game? No, no, no. Oh, Cologne game.
Yeah. You like my Cologne game.
Your smell, dude? Bro. I was going to say too legit to quit again.
Yeah, don't do that. A-OK.
Amazing. A-OK.
Top of the line. Let's go higher.
Top notch. Thank you, man.
I took a photo of the cologne you were wearing.

You did?

Yeah.

Have you smelled him, guys?

Could you guys get in and smell him real fast?

Just smell him.

No, because I sprayed...

How is it, Zach?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What does it smell like?

Yeah, yeah.

John, take a huff.

John, take a huff real fast.

I appreciate it.

Wow.

Too legit, right?

Is that too legit to quit?

John, John, John.

John, John, John.

Too much, John. John, is it? Yeah.
That's the assessment. Is he too legit to quit? John, John, John.
John, John, John. Too much, John.

John, is it?

Yeah.

That's the assessment, John.

Is he too legit to quit?

I don't know how legit that is, but it smells great.

Thank you, man.

Wow.

I'll tell you what.

It's not going to quit.

That's for sure.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Honestly, you hit the smell game, dude, and you're number one on my bunk.

Out of all the people at the table?

No.

He's third.

Oh, my God.

All right.

Give him the sign-off.

Thank you. you're number one on my bunk.
Out of all the people at the table? No. He's third.
All right, give him the sign-off question.

Yeah, so do you like me?

Can I be honest with you?

Yeah, be completely honest.

I've been a fan of you since I was in middle school, man.

And I've always thought you were fucking hilarious.

And this is really cool.

Me too, bro.

He's going to cry.

No, I'm not joking.

I think I told you this in the van when we did that comedy festival. I'm joking.
I just wanted to hear it again. Huge fan, huge fan.
John? John? Huge? John is huge. I know you're huge.
Huge fan, huge fan, huge. I know you're huge.
John's huge. Yeah.
Anyway, good luck with the movie. Thanks for doing it.
You want it? Yeah, I did. Why don't you tell everybody at home, where do they see the movie? What's it called again? As a Maison Prime.
March 5th. March 7th.
7th. Ricky Stenicki.
Prime Video. Prime Video.
Ricky Stenicki. Stenicki.
Watch it. Fairly.
Peter. Peter Fairly.
Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Hey, bad friends. This shirt.
I don't trust soup. Is in the movie Ricky Stenicki.
John Cena is wearing it, and one of the writers of the film, Brian Jarvis, and the director,

the great legendary Pete Fairley, decided, make these shirts, sell them out there, and

a big, big chunk of the proceeds goes to Make-A-Wish Foundation, which Mr. John Cena

is heavily involved in, and we love and believe in it too.

So you want to support Make-A-Wish, go to idontrustsoup.com and buy this shirt, idontrustsoup.com

and buy it for the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

Thank you.

Welcome back to the Bad Friends Podcast.

Coming to you live.

Zach Efron is not that good looking.

Hottest guy on earth.

You know,

I could talk shit now, man.

He's thicker than I,

he's too thick for me.

Thick?

Is he hot, Bobby?

Yeah.

What do you mean he's thick? What would be too thick? I suck it. Strong? Yeah, he's so strong.
No, he's just too perfect. Too perfect? Yeah.
His blue eyes, dude, pierced my butthole, dude. Beautiful.
He was so handsome. That's like an X-Men fucking mutant power, dude.
I was so into him. When you shot in the officer? So hard to shoot with him because I always wanted to kiss him.
I put that in the script. I'd say, what if we had a kissing scene? Yeah, he's cute.

And he was like, what do you mean a kissing scene?

I said, what if we're best friends?

Yes.

And he says, yeah.

And I said, what if we have a little smooching scene?

Yeah.

Look at that.

There's a picture of the crew.

There's me, John Cena, Zac Efron giving you bunny ears.

Classic one.

Classic F-dog.

Yeah.

And Jermaine Fowler, another great actor and comedian, a fellow standup.

The new Lawrence Fishburne. You know, I don't if he like he would like that but maybe he is I already told him he doesn't really look like Lawrence Fishburne I know you you thought that was the essence like I have the essence of Jet Li no that's what everyone says no you don't everyone says no maybe maybe maybe maybe jumbo Jet Li I was gonna say that uh jumbo Lee jumbo Jet Liumbo Jet Li.
I was going to say that.

Jumbo Lee.

Jumbo Jet Li.

Jumbo Jet Li.

That was fun though today with the guys.

What a great job.

I really do hope people like the movie somehow.

And I'm thank you very much.

Grateful for you to come do that for me.

It's a great movie.

You saw it?

Yeah.

How?

For the first time.

How about Drugstore June?

You see that?

See, that's the thing.

That's the thing.

See, that's the thing.

You're into his shit.

You're not into my shit. Okay, first of all, it's not a competition.
And let's be real here. We're supporting both of our films.
Drugstore June is going to be an incredible film, a great success. And I hope this one is too.
It's going to be. They're both great with a lot of people that we hope do well.
I want to talk about Vegas for you for a second. I want to hear all about Vegas.
Number one. Man, it looked so fun.
The number one question I got from everybody was, where's Andrew? Shut up, dude. 100%.
Don't pander to me now. Don't do that because you know I was upset.
Don't do that. Shut up.
Everyone's, Tom, Bert, is Andrew here? Tom and Bert asked about me? Yeah. Shoot me a text and invite me to the show.

Fucking put me on the show.

I told you I invited myself.

They didn't invite me.

Yes, they did.

Can I go?

Are you sure?

I go, yes.

And I went.

You know why they fucking

didn't invite me

and they invited you on the show?

Because they wanted this

to happen on the air.

That's not why.

Yeah.

They wanted us to have

some live beef.

Will Compton was there.

Will's there. You know? DeStefano.
Chris DeStefano. Soder.
Soder. Shane Gillis.
Shane Gillis. Well, of course, Shane Gillis.
He's sponsored by Bud Light now. He has changed the game.
And then who else was there? Pauly Shore came. He lives in Vegas.
Oh, that's right. Adam Ray.
What? Adam Ray. Adam Ray did it.
Warren Sapp was there. Joey Fatone.
Can I tell you about that fucking old timey fucker, Warren Sapp? What do you mean? You don't like him? That old fucking timey motherfucker. What happened? I'll tell you something right now about that old times.
Yeah. Open up about Warren Sapp.
I'll tell you about Warren Sapp right now. I'm going to say this to his fucking face, dog.
Do it, dog. Warren, listen to me right here and be clear about it right now.
I'm going to be very clear, right? Yeah. You ain't got shit.
What does that even mean? You ain't got shit? I'll tell you why, dude. Can I tell you why? I'm waiting.
So Bert and Tom, they do teams. Yeah, football teams.
Yeah, they divided you guys up. Right.
Obviously, I'm the last guy picked. No.
Yeah, right? They even picked you as wild. And then Warren Saps.
Is that his name? Snappy Snap. Sap.
Like tree sap. I'm called snap.
Warren tree snap. Warren Snap goes, nah, nah.
To you. To fucking Tom Segura.
Nah, nah, not him. I was the last guy.
Of course me. Yeah, but maybe they could have done it without you.
So then we just want this time motherfucker, you know what it's... What'd he say? So, number one, I did the best out of everyone in all the competitions.
I was MVP. In all the athletic competitions? All of them.
They couldn't believe it. Ask Segura.
What were the competitions? Punting, throwing a ball. Eating rice was one of them? No, no, no.
And also punting it through the fucking goalposts.

You did that better than anybody.

Tom didn't make one.

Let me, can I tell my story?

Please.

All right.

Will Compton didn't make any?

Look at me, celebrating.

Like a champion.

And ask Tom right now.

I was so proud of you.

No, so take it.

I really was.

So it's the last event.

They do the punt.

OT comes up to me. OT? Yeah.
OT Genesis? No. Old time.
Oh, Sapadap. Sapadap.
Yeah, yeah. Old time comes up to me and goes, sir, let me tell you how you do it.
And I go, how do I do it? So you place the ball. He goes, put your foot right here.
Take three steps back. Then just follow the motion forward and then kick it.

Yeah.

Seems pretty logical.

Exactly.

But I go, yo, my body doesn't work like yours.

Yeah.

My body is more- You guys might have similar working bodies.

I don't know.

But my kicking is more karate.

Oh, right.

Hayah.

It's more of a hayah kind of a thing.

Right?

Yeah.

See, nah, I'm worn sap. I know what I'm doing.
So I I do it his way. It went right into the ground, went up to the left.
Didn't get even any lift. So when you did his one, yeah, you're more hi-yah.
Right, so I have two tries, right? Hi-yo. So, and I, the second try, he goes, no, do it again.
Because you just, that was a practice. I go, no, man.
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about, dog. Back off, Warren Sapp.
Yeah. Back the fuck up, Sapp dog.
I took 50 steps back. 5-0? Yeah.
Okay. Were you in the stadium still? And I ran toward it.
What? Were you in the stadium still? No. Yeah.
I ran toward it. Okay.
Kicked it right between the goalposts. God bless.
And I got it. Tom didn't make one.
Bert? Compton didn't make one. Bert made one.
Was Taylor there with Will? No. Taylor wasn't there.
Wow. But my point being is that there he is.
There's my man. So tell us what else you did in Vegas.
Did you gamble? I lost thousands of dollars. Did you meet any ladies? No.
No ladies? No ladies. What about...
Nothing. How about Guy Fieri? Are you his new BFF? We argued about mozzarella sticks.
What was your argument?

His is no good.

He doesn't like them.

He goes, what do you mean?

I go, yours is no good.

I had it at a restaurant.

It was no good.

Oh, yeah.

And then he goes, I don't know what you're talking about.

I don't even know what restaurant we would have mozzarella sticks.

I swear to fucking God, Guy Guy.

I call him Guy Guy.

Look up Guy Fieri's restaurant menu.

I bet you there's mozzarella sticks on there.

Was he lying?

I don't know. And I go,

it's no good. It's too much.

Too much cheese. Too much deep fries.

Oh, right. And then we

kind of fight. It was like, no, you don't know what you're talking about.

I make the best mozzarella

sticks. There we go.

I don't think I don't see it on there.

I know. Jalapeno pig poppers.
Yeah.

Dynamite shrimp. All right.

So he doesn't have mozzo sticks. So then he was there.
And then who else was there? Vince Vaughn was there. PV.
Who else was there? What? And who's the most Hollywood motherfucker out of this crew? It's you, papa. Yeah, yeah.
You little baby. You know Zac Efron and John Cena? I don't.
I did a movie with them. Exactly.
That's Hollywood. I didn't work with these people.
I just did a show. How much more fun did you have? You just got to go to Vegas and kick footballs with Warren Sapodopoulos.
That's true. Yeah.
I didn't know who he was. I still don't.
I refuse to know. Okay, I won't tell you.
I refuse to know. Well, God bless.
Did you have any other fun in Vegas that you want to share? No. You ate a lot of good food.
You called me. Oh, no, no, no.
Oh, fuck. Thank you for saying that.
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No, no, no. It's a good intro.
I know, but I'm so excited. I went to the best restaurant I've ever been to.

What is it called?

I forgot.

No, I'm kidding.

It's called Bizarre Meats.

Oh, Bizarre Meats.

Yeah.

By Jose Andres.

By Jose Andres.

By Jose Andres.

And I'm going to say something to you, dude.

Yeah.

Okay.

They brought out the Wagyu A5 Kobe beef. Sure.
and they brought out a certificate with a stamp and everything what does that even mean i didn't read it somebody's i didn't read it but i held it right and it looked professional well it was some of it was in japanese and it was signed by some maybe a cow like this're like, this is my meat. You know what I mean? I'm very delicious.
What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? Yeah. And so the guy goes, this is what the guy goes, the guy goes, you know, sometimes, you know, sometimes people eat it raw.
And I go, give me raw.

Yeah, you can.

I know.

So he gave me a slice of Wagyu beef raw.

And it melted right in my mouth.

Who picked up the tab?

Tom.

Tommy.

Yeah.

Good.

It was, can I tell you, guess how much it was?

It's 10 people at the table.

10 people?

Yeah.

I don't know, 20 grand?

No.

Not that much, what the fuck? People were drinking, right? I'm sure a bunch of those alcoholics were going ham. $7,500.
Jesus Christ. He picked up the tab.
But it was the best meal I've ever had. I mean, everything that they brought out was like, that was the best of whatever that is.
Yeah. And in the middle of eating Wagyu, you guys were like, where's Andrew? They did.
No, the fuck they did it. Yeah, they did and i didn't get one phone call i didn't get one text i got nothing you know how many you know what i got you know what i got i called you to say hi to chat you didn't you didn't the fuck i didn't i did to call you yeah you did piece of shit you did i got nothing from nobody oh shut up dude i sat home.
You fucking did the Burt Kreischer one in Vegas. Was I invited to that? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. You were.
I didn't do it. I said no.
Anyway, we missed you. We really did.
It would have been great to have you there, bud. Good to see you now, though.
When I saw you today, I was very excited. I was excited to was excited to see anyway i just don't like being not with my prince i figured i should be with my little prince in vegas it's but think about the lineup it went trevor wallace okay me shane gillis sent because stefano didn't go up soda didn't go up oh they didn't go't go up.
Yeah. They were just hanging out there.
So what I'm saying is that it's overkill.

What they should have done is gone.

Trevor, me and you together

and just have me sit there

and watch you perform on stage.

That would have been great.

And then just Shane.

Yeah, yeah.

Why not?

Yeah.

I would have brought out a chair,

sat there,

eaten some The Bazaar by Jose Andres.

You would have...

But I want to...

Because it was tag team. Back again.
So I had to bring Shane up. Oh, right.
On stage. Yeah.
Let me guess. The reception was huge.
Let me guess. People lost their fucking minds.
Let me guess. How'd you know? It broke the fucking noise barrier or whatever.
In my body, it did.

Was it a Concorde jet flight?

Yeah.

Let me guess.

It was incredible.

He's the most famous comic in the world.

Let me guess.

Yes.

Oh, that's right?

100%.

Of course it is, dude.

Shane's top tier shit, dude.

He's the biggest comic in the world.

I don't think there's a bigger comic right now, in my opinion.

Yeah.

Sponsored by Bud Light, doing SNL, which is insane. He flipped that motherfucking place that's incredible yeah biggest netflix special of the year yeah who's bigger than that guy and i mean it but you know what i did dave chappelle somewhere just like this motherfucker's out of his mind but he's the biggest i did something weaselly oh what did you do do this is what i wanted to hear this is the weasel part of me.
And the coward part. Yeah, they're usually the same thing.
Yeah, yeah. The night before, I saw the lineup.
Yeah. And it went Trevor, Shane, and then me.
Oh, how's that weasely? How I got out of it. That makes perfect sense.
It doesn't. No, I'm saying you switching is the right move.
I know, but

I had to beg. Shane?

No, I had to beg Tom. And I said,

number one, ask him. I said, I swear

to God, I'll blow you. Did you

do it? No. And I go, you can have your money

back. Did you give him his money back?

No, he said he refused. Okay.
And after some

begging, I got on my hands and knees.

Begging. No, I go,

please. He's the man of the moment.
Why would he care if you switch? That's just bad lineups. Would you be scared if you followed in front of 15,000 people Shane Gillis? I'm not scared.
It's just not the right order. I would have done it.
He's the bigger comic. It's not the right order.
He should be. Exactly.
That's what I thought. It's not like you're not going to do great.
You're going to i know but it does but it's just he's the thing right now yeah he's the man of the moment you got to give him his fucking what do they call it give him his dew do yeah yeah his roses and then his dad too nice man yeah yeah anyway we're done with vegas all done with vegas ha ha ha anyway let's move on go to that thing i sent you the thing about bobby i This is insane. Bobby, full screen.
I love it. What the fuck is this? Were you recording for a movie? I'm so embarrassed that you saw that.
It's all over the internet. Yeah.
Everybody saw this. What is this, dude? Are you recording for a...
It has to be for like Death and Ramen or a movie. No, no, no.
You're licking an ice cream cone? Yeah, I'm on Instagram Live. What's up? What were you shooting? This was you shooting for something.
No, I'm not. I'm on Instagram Live.
What's up, dude? I can't do Instagram Lives anymore on the streets. I mean, this is the most Asian shit I've ever seen you do in my entire life.
Yeah. What does it say? Can someone help me find Bobby Lee NPC burner account? Because I've never seen him go live.
Okay. Dude, so what is the deal though?'s you know dylan francis yeah it's his music video music video yeah that's what it is i knew it was something yeah i don't know why that's out there someone recorded a crazy person well you're out on the fucking middle of the street it looks like a crazy person what do you think you're thinking there what what do you think is going through your head career's over i don't know i was you know i committed like he wanted me go out there and do that and i committed to it you really did yeah i commit to everything i do but it was uh it was fun that that music video so anyway let's i love him it's great but no let's let this ride in the background why i don't really really well that's all over the internet yeah they love it some guy posed someone out their window must have recorded it.
Yeah. Wait, does that look like me? Yes.
Does that look like you? It could be any other guy. Couldn't be anybody but you.
Really? There's not even, if you drove by. You're the only guy I know that wears 70 pounds of shit in their pockets.
Yeah, you're right, you're right. You at all times look like you have cargo pants on because your pockets are so full.
You're right, you're right, you're right. You know how Joe Rogan is like a fanny pack guy? You're a full pocket guy.
I have a lot of things in my pockets. You're a big pocket dog.
Can we move on from it? Because I don't want to see it again. I kind of love watching it.
You do what you do. You do what you do.
Yeah. You do what you do.
It's not embarrassing. I was fascinated by it.
You do what you do, my friend. What else do you want to talk about? I don't know.
Don't live in it so deeply. What? Don't live in the moment so deeply.
I want to live in the moment. Live right now.
Feel me. Feel me right now.
What do you feel? Okay. I'm about to sell my house.
That's what you? I know you are, but the house you're going to get? No, no, I'm not getting it. I'm going to move.
Where are you going?

New York?

I don't know if I should tell you.

Tell me.

Before you say it, may I say something?

If you move to a different city outside of Los Angeles, I'm ending the podcast.

Okay.

And that's just a warning to you and the fans out there. I will not do it unless we move together.
So then move with me. Where are you going? We're going to Austin, Texas.
I'll go. I knew you would say yes.
I'll go to Austin. No, I'm not going there.
You know what I would do is I would. You do want to move there.
You told me. No, what I would do is I would get you.
We would like rent a house there. Maybe it'd be the bad friends kind of like that i could escape we do a residency down residency down there we should revive and make our own show called uh called um i'm gonna ask you a question i know you're gonna be so mad what promise you're not gonna be mad well no i'm but you just promise me yeah i promise i'm not gonna get and you're not gonna infuriated.
Well, no. But...
You just promised me.

Yeah, I promise I'm not going to get mad.

And you're not going to get infuriated?

I promise.

And if you say no, that's fine.

I'll do no.

Okay.

You know I love Star Trek.

Oh.

Already.

Already?

Already?

I didn't say anything.

What is it?

And me and Adam Egott want to start a Star Trek podcast. If you do that, I'll quit this show.
I will quit this show. Why? Because that is insane.
First of all, we've gotten in fights relentlessly because you do too many podcasts. Can I pitch it? Every fucking person on earth that's like that's like hey bob come on my podcast you're like where is it where do i gotta be and then with this show it's like when do we have to shoot it's like this is the fucking one to do that's not what i do you do everybody's podcast i do this one as well and i do it with this is the one that matters i know this is the one okay can i pitch it though you know what this is like this is like you you this is like you're I'm gonna try You're on Johnny Carson Every week you're on Johnny Carson And Johnny can do another show somewhere else On Bravo or whatever He doesn't He doesn't that's the point You're fucking Johnny Carson You have your own show And instead you're like maybe I should go check out what's going on on CW Why Can I stop though No you can't do a podcast with fucking Adam Eget about Star Trek Cause when are you gonna get around to do it It's not as much It's going on on CW? Why? Can I stop though? No, you can't do a podcast with fucking Adam Eget about Star Trek because when are you going to get around to do it? It's not as much.
It's going to be more less frequent when we put it out. Like once a month.
No, I don't approve. Absolutely not.
Four times a year? No. Can we do one pilot? You can't do any.
What if you produce it? Interesting. Because I'm telling you, it's not going to seep into our numbers.
We're going to wear Star Trek. We're wearing Star Trek uniforms.
The whole background is going to be Star Trek. And we're only going to talk about Star Trek.
I don't want to. I'm not hindering you and I never have.
Anyway, ever for our whole life and career. You know?, dun, dun.
Dun, dun, dun. You know? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Dun, dun, dun, dun. Come on.
All I'm saying. Please.
It's just more time. Let me.
It's time that you don't have. No, here's.
Can I just last thing? It's time you don't have. I'm going to go to Austin.
Okay, then I'm going to do a podcast with DeStefano in the same amount of episodes you do. It's got to be specific to a thing though.
Yeah, sure. It'll be funny.

It'll be a funny podcast. No, but if it's like,

we're going to do a podcast about like-

Comedy.

It'll be about comedy.

90 Day Fiancé.

Then I'll be like,

it's a specific thing.

Okay.

I'll find some bullshit to make up.

For every episode you do with him,

I'll do one with Chris.

Okay.

I'm not doing it then.

Thank you.

Also, Adam Egret,

he has his hands full.

No, he wants-

Our dream. Who's producing that podcast? Not you guys It was gonna be Tom Segura Really? He said he wanted to do it? That's even funnier Yeah Tom wants him to do it Well here's the deal Yeah You go do whatever it is That you want to do No because if you're gonna do With DeStefano I'm not gonna do mine Interesting Yeah Yeah It's Could I say something? You're saying that Adam Egret Is DeStefano.
You got to pick somebody at Adam Eget's fucking level. They're the same.
It's not. Chris owns a comedy club in New York, just like Adam runs fucking Joe's.
Yeah, but Adam's not a fucking podcaster. Neither is DeStefano.
Yes, he is. No, he's not.
He's a big name. So I'm saying, if I said, oh, I'm going to do one with like Tom Arnold.
Fine. I'd love that.
Not Tom Arnold, but. Yeah, do it.
But that's different than. I know, but this wasn't going to be a fucking tit for tat.
This is going to be just. If you want to do your little nerd podcast and fly out to Austin and play dress up with him, then go do it.
Okay. You know what I'm going to do? I'll go to New York.
No, no, no. Get my apartment.
You're not getting an apartment there. I am.
And I'll fucking live in my little apartment with Chris and he'll come over and we'll have fun. All you move to New York though I'm not going out there to shoot episodes the fuck you're not yes you are I'm not I'm flying you out I'm not flying out what's that the average weather in Austin it's terrible oh really that's gonna be a deterrent yeah you like jungle shit I like jungle shit how dare you dude you like tropics and jungle I know that about you I like all environments I'm a mountaintop guy too I don't think you like Texas I'm a mountain man you're not a mountain man fuck you first of all you're a mountain boy you're not a mountain man okay I'll be boy you can't start a fire on your own you can't pitch a tent excuse me can you catch and kill an animal in the wild and eat it and clean a butterfly how much protein is in a butterfly yeah you'd last like 60 seconds no and you ever watch those we talk about survival i love alone yeah i'm more of a fucking you know gather her i oh you know what i saw today on the internet that blew my fucking mind i love it google the amount of churches that are in the united states this is crazy this i was on my car ride this morning the amount of churches in the united states guess look at me guess before you see it.
How many churches are in the United States. This is crazy.
I was on my car ride this morning. The amount of churches in the United States.
Look at me. Guess before you see it.
How many churches are in the United States, do you think? Oh my God. I mean, I- Just, I know it's tough, but guess.
It's a hard one. Don't look.
Don't look. Okay.
How many churches do you think exist? Just for perspective, there are, Google this. There's, I think there's 15,000 McDonald's.
How many McDonald's in the United States?

This will give you a perspective.

Yeah, McDonald's.

Because you see McDonald's everywhere.

Starbucks too.

Starbucks too.

McDonald's currently has 36,000 restaurants

in 100 countries.

That's the world.

In the United States, 14,000 McDonald's.

And they look like they're fucking everywhere.

14,000.

Yeah.

In the whole United States.

Yeah.

How many churches?

It can't be as much as that guess 12 000 350 000 350 000 oh you just you all congregations i said church i was thinking about just like you know what I mean? Zoroastrianism. No.

But look at that.

Okay, so of those, 314,000 are Protestant or Christian.

So yeah, it's almost all.

How many are Christian?

314, the majority.

The dominant majority.

Holy shit, dude.

Isn't that crazy?

I've never been to one.

I know, we should start going to some.

Have you been to any of them?

Yeah, what do you mean?

I've been to church.

Oh yeah, you went, right? I'm going to go back. You went with, who would you go with? To church? Yeah.
Did you recently go? With my, with my, no, I haven't gone in a long time. Oh.
With my family, I've gone. Somebody would just, as a friend of mine, just went.
I got invited to go to one of those new age churches. Oh, dumbfounded.
He goes, well, Koreans go to church. You know why, though? Because that's where you hook up that's where they are because I'm you know man

I'm just gonna look at a different pool

like a church

no that is where it is

but he's saying you would be surprised

I might go

no you should

but then I have to do the whole thing

what pretend

pretend to listen

no to get them

maybe you know what can I say something

maybe you'll get something out of it

I'm about to start going to church

you know I'll go with you

will you really

I will suit up

because I think it's important

we should try it

I'll put the little hat on

Thank you. Will you really? I will.
Suit up. Because I think it's important.
We should try it. I'll put the little hat on.
You don't, no, you're not going to wear a yamaka. That's insane.
Can I, why? Why don't you wear a samurai outfit to church? Be more appropriate. Okay, I still have a yamaka.
Yes. Okay, good.
If you wear the samurai outfit. Yeah, I wear the samurai yamaka and two swords.
Will you go to synagogue with me for real? Let's go. Not a synagogue.
Why not? Oh, with the yamaka yes okay if you wear the samurai outfit yeah i wear the samurai yamaka and two swords will you go to synagogue with me for real let's go not a synagogue why not oh with the yamaka you said yeah no i want to go to christian church with the yamaka let's go to both but let's not wear the yamaka for the jewish one no i think i think we wear the yamaka the christian one buddhist monk robes buddhist monk robes at the fucking well we better start growing our pubes out oh yeah isn't whole thing with Buddhist monks? Yeah. What is this? All right, this guy got pulled over and he had to call his girlfriend to convince her that it was the truth because she thought he was lying.
Oh, God. Joel got pulled over.
He's on his way home now. Damn.
What do I got to lie about? He's not lying. He got pulled over.
He's good to go, though. Jesus.
Thank you. I don't understand.
Rewind. I don't understand what's going on.
This young kid got pulled over by the cops and his girlfriend thought he was full of shit. And so he had the cop FaceTime her? Yeah.
That's fucking hilarious. I don't understand.
Tell me. That's a black guy and that's the cop that pulled him over.
And then what is he saying to... Who's that? That's Lil Yachty.
Okay. That's Lil Yachty and that's Officer Wackadoo.
And who else? Who is he talking to on the phone? Girlfriend. And what is he saying to his girlfriend on the phone? She doesn't believe he got pulled over.
She thinks he's full of shit. He's out doing something.
Oh, it's because of pussy. She thinks that he's out getting pulled.
Yeah, he thinks he's out. Say play it again.
Now we get it. You can use this.
Okay, go here. He's not lying.
He got pulled over. He's good to go, though.
Jesus. You had to get like the whitest nerd cop, too's like he did he did it i pulled him over he looked like george yeah i saw him driving while black and i had to pull him over how about what you want to be hello tanisha it's me officer docent i pulled him over i saw him flying in that scat pack or that hellcat zooming down the road i had to pull him over and i said how could you afford this he's fucking guys he gets like the whitest nerd fucking cop yeah it's real i pulled over your boyfriend denisha he had to get him anyway he's good to go but he had to explain to him what was going on right to the cop yeah my girl thinks i'm hooking up right now yeah by the way they didn't show he didn't pan out to show the girl that's already in his car with him it is a girl that is she holding it yeah she's filming she's filming the whole thing his side piece is filming the whole fucking thing yeah that you uh oh i've got a clip but just let me talk about this for yeah um do you want to be with a woman that's paranoid like that though well no how would you right you're constantly going i know dudes that have to do that well you know what we talked about this yesterday yeah i talked about when someone says would your it was like would your wife let you go because you know i'm going to scotland this year yeah and a friend said could never i said well look i don't have kids so it's not like i'm saying to her hey can you stay with the kids while i go to Scotland? It's me saying, I want to go to Scotland.
And she goes, you should go. My buddy goes, my wife would never let me.
I said, do you have kids? No. I said, what do you mean she wouldn't let you go somewhere? She just doesn't, she wouldn't, she'd be like, either I'm going or you're not going alone.
And I was like, you know, why would you get out of that? I don't understand. Dude, but millions of people are like that.
Millions of people have demand. Look, if you're sharing responsibility of children different story i that's can i just say something i'm just i'm so glad you brought this up please all right see here's the deal okay when i used to play video games right it was like a day ago two weeks ago yeah i haven't done in two weeks yeah you said i'm trying to find a new game you say that two weeks has been like five days oh whatever yeah I did it yesterday.
One work week. Yesterday a little bit.
Oh, you're right. You're right.
So can I just get back to my point? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right.
And so when I was with Kalilah, right, she'd be like, eight hours is enough. Right? Well, it's pretty reasonable.
It's not. It's not.
Eight hours is a lot of it. It's not.
It's not. Not the kind of games I play.
And I think what you guys are doing right now Is you're not educated Okay You're not educated Educate us Everyone in this room is not educated Eight hours is how long people go to work for I understand that But the thing is The things I have to do in that eight hours is a lot Okay There's a lot I have to You know what I mean Rank up Rank up I have to explore caves Rank up dog I mean I have to you know Design my house Look at i i'm okay with it thank you golf takes a long time right so my thing was like and i and i one day i looked at colina goes you like the beach right she does she loves yeah and i go if you were at the beach for eight hours i wouldn't be like hey eight hours in fact you could call me and go listen for a month i'm gonna go to the fiji islands and go deep you want me to pay for it i don't give a fuck i don't think you should pay for it but i'm just saying what my point is is that i agree with your point you to be happy if that's something that you want to do to be happy then i'm gonna support it okay but when it comes to video games it's a whole to do i agree with you you're look at this look at me i'm on your are you on my Are you on my side? Everyone on my side. Everyone is.
Thank you. But let me say like this.
The reason it gets a bad rap and you know I'm pro video games. Yeah.
The reason it gets a bad rap is because like if I go to play golf and it takes three and a half hours to four that's a long time. Yeah.
But it's because I'm leaving and it's separate but video games gets a bad rap with her because you're in the same house as her but you're paying no attention to her. Get a different apartment.
Get a different apartment for video games. If you're a guy who loves video games, get a separate apartment for video games.
And then you go, I'm going off. No, but let's be real.
Play video games. Financially.
Yeah. Let's be real.
That's an insane thing. Yeah.
But there should be a place for people to go to play video games outside of their house collectively in a room. You don't have to talk to each other.
You just, there's video game consoles there. Should we open up Bobby Lee's getaway? Bobby Lee's video game.
That's really like a man candy. Well, arcades used to exist, but no one does arcades anymore.
But you can go, we have your own little area. They have this in Japan.
In Japan, they're all over the place. I know.
And you can play whatever game you want. Yep, you don't have to talk to anyone.
Smoke cigarettes. You drink, smoke.
We drink Red Bull. We sell all kinds of fun candies.
In, in, in, uh,ajuku? No, whatever in Japan. Yeah.
What's the one with all the hookers? What's the hooker one? Shibuya. They literally, you can get hookers through the video game place.
We do have, okay, upstairs, we do have private rooms. Relaxation rooms.
Relaxation rooms. Right.
For the ones that want to get like funky with it. Relaxed.
Yeah. They want to get relaxed.
We'll have those girls. Yeah.
So. Yeah.
What else do we have there? At the video game place? It's not a video game place. It's a getaway.
Bobby Lee's getaway. Yeah.
Man cave getaway. Man.
No, it doesn't have to be for men. It's a Bobby Lee's getaway.
Women can go. Of course.
Why can't they? Women play video games. It's illegal not to let them in.
Oh, it is? Yeah. Well, Christians do it when it comes to cakes.
For now. For now, it's illegal till we change it.
Remember the gay couple that was getting married, they went in Colorado and they went to try to get a cake? Yeah. And they go, we're not going to serve you because you're gay? Why can't we do that with a man cave? You'll probably get sued in California.
Yeah, you get sued here. We have to open it up somewhere.
We'll go to Texas. Yes.
They're not going to sue us there. We'll do it in Texas.
Smash burgers we have there. Smash burgers.
Yeah. Fanta grape drinks.
Only grape? Can we get other kinds? Diet. Diet grape.
Okay. What else do we have there? We have...
You know what I think we should have? What? An indoor trampoline. Just to bounce out some of that.
No. Bounce it out.
So much space. What do you mean? Costly? Yeah.
We bought a fucking, it's 50,000 square feet the place we got.

No, we get a gigantic, you know, the swimming pool,

the inflatable swimming pool.

Yeah. We put fucking oil in it.

What?

Yeah.

So what is it?

Imagine, Nick.

Oil, gigantic.

A vat of oil?

Yeah, in a fucking, right?

And you can wrestle.

I don't like this.

What?

Why?

A swimming pool with oil in it?

and then we'll And you can wrestle. I don't like this.
What? Why? A swimming pool with oil in it? No, it's like an inflatable one. Oh, a little baby one.
Yeah, no, you blow it up, right? Yeah. You put oil in it.
Let me see how you blow it again. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. What if you suck some of it back out just in case? There it is.
Right, and then you put, you know, if you're Asian, you can use fucking sesame oil, whatever you want. Well, it does burn a higher rate yeah no you're not burning it you're wrestling in it well when you're done you want to cook something i'm starving all right we waste all this fucking energy all right right right tip it over and use the fucking idea you don't think that's a good idea is that a good idea it's a great idea thank you but i am gonna cook in it when i'm done with it and above it like one of those disco balls i've always wanted one of wanted one of those.
It's so cheesy. Above the fucking...
It's just cheesy. Oh, you're right.

How about, can we get like

gigantic lava lamps?

Yes. That's not cheesy.

No. And you know what I want? Dildos

all over the place. No, why?

Just in case somebody needs one. Right.

They're there in case you need them. Don't use them, but if you

need it, it's like in case of emergency,

break ass.

In case of emergency, break ass. And then downstairs, we have a bad room.
If you've been a bad boy. Careful.
What? Careful what? Bad boy? What's going on down there? Very, very bad. What's going on down there? Lots of things.
You're being a bad boy? If you want me to be. But's- Like a BDSM room? I don't know.

What is that? Now you're a boom mic off?

What? What are you

doing? Oh yeah, like the scene in Pulp Fiction.

Is that what's going on down there? Yeah, but not with the blood.

It's not going to get violent. One of the best scenes.

It's one of the best scenes.

And that, the gimp, was my favorite.

And then the guy that plays

what, Z? What's his name? Zed.

Zed's dead, baby.

I yelled at him once in the OR.

Was he talking? No, he was completely

I'm going that guy. Peter Green.
Peter Green. Great, talented guy.
What's he up to? What a great fucker. What's Peter up to today? Can we find out on his IMDb? We should get him on Bad Friends.
I love that guy. What's he doing right now? Upcoming.
He's got a lot going on. Holy shit.
This kid's working a lot. I'd always Working last year.
Yeah. Yeah.
That always makes me emotional. I see people with 30 upcomings and I'm like, wow.
I went on a date with a girl and she said she has never seen Pulp Fiction. Is that a red flag? 100%.
To me it is. I have no business with you.
Is that a red flag? How old is she? Exactly. 32? Red flag.
Wait a minute. If you, I don't give a fuck if she's 25.
Yeah. She should know Pulp Fiction.
Never seen it. Pulp Fiction.
I know. Yeah, that's a breakup.
Well, she never seen Raising Arizona, which is- That's understandable. That was much older.
Right. She never saw Tenenbaums or Rushmore.
Okay. Much older.
I get it. Okay.
She never saw Reservation. But then when I said Pulp Fiction, she goes, never seen it.
And I go, it's such an iconic movie. It's just, it's just, it's an iconic movie.
It's like in the social zeitgeist. It's like saying, I bet you a 20 year old still knows who the Beatles are.
You know what I mean? Yeah. It exists beyond.
It's something you should know. Yeah.
Pulp Fiction for sure. So if you're listening, lady, you know who I'm talking about.
Watch it. Watch it now.
Next time I see you. Oh, so before the next time you see her, you better have watched it.

And you get some of the lines. I want you to memorize some of the lines.
Yeah, it's really just

a, I mean, raise your hand if you

think it's a great movie. What?

It's not even a... I just wonder if it's

like an afterthought. Anyway, let's move on.

Have you seen the trailer? No. Please watch the trailer.

Oh, I don't think our building takes pets.

Hello? What? Hello?

You want a cat? I own Firebrand. He likes to keep the change let's do this what are you doing in there wait a minute when does this come out was it in the theaters yeah i want to see how much this made nine lives well look at by the way round tomatoes see what round Rotten Tomatoes.
See what Rotten Tomatoes was. Jennifer Gardner.

Yeah.

Cheryl Hines.

Yeah.

Christopher fucking Walker.

Kevin Spacey.

Yeah.

Huge.

Yeah.

Budget was $30 million

and it made $6 million.

Oh, my God.

And by the way,

when it says $30 million...

Yeah.

Oh, this says domestic worldwide.

It made $57.

$57.

Yeah, but...

Broke even.

Broke even.

Not even.

No way. Now, give me the rotten tomatoes wow all right I take it back a little bit I do love Christopher Walken I just don't like that no but I just don't like that everyone's not bad not bad 14 that's about what some of my movies yeah my movie range 41 this kind of where you know we're not gonna do your movie now no no he's making fun of me no I don't care I don't like your smug fucking we're not doing my movie range.
41%. You know, we're not going to do your movie now.
No, no.

He was making fun of me. No, I don't care.
I don't like

your smug fucking... We're not doing your movie, dude.

I... What?

I... Look at the four views.

Oh my God.

I take it back. I love Chris Erwagin.
I just...

I just... You know what it is? Yeah.

I just don't like that everyone does an impression.

I know. That's my...
It's just too many

people.

It's just too many people doing the impression.

Can you do it?

Everyone can.

Everyone can.

To some degree.

Yeah.

I'm Christopher Walken.

Right.

Hello, this watch up his ass.

Like everyone has a version of it.

All right.