Bobby Loves Giant Melons

Paradei presenta Ojos con Alergia y Picazón contra el Jardinero!

Y el ganador es Paradei Extra Fuerte para aliviar la picazón de los ojos por alergia.

Actúa más rápido y supera Clarity and Flow Nays aún a las 24 horas.

Paradei, adelante!

Hey!

Hey guys, we have new merch-y merch.

Merch-y, merch-y, merch-y.

We got these new shoes.

This is like a fear-loathing kind of a vibe.

And this is like a shout-out to the Beastie Boys album.

They come in a ton of different colors. Yeah.
A ton of different varieties. We've got crew necks, hoodies, long sleeves, all sorts of fun stuff for you.
Go to badfriendsmerch.com to get that now. Badfriendsmerch.com.
I am running new jokes to put together my new hour. I'm in Houston, Tampa, Phoenix, Nashville, Dallas, San Francisco.
I'm just doing a bunch of clubs to put together the new hour. Go to andrewsantino.com for those tickets.
andrewsantino.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something? We're bad friends. Hi.

Hi.

Hey.

Hi.

Hey, it's good.

Wow, Long Beach.

I know this guy,

but that was good enough.

I loved Long Beach.

That was such a fun time.

Did you not have so much fun?

Not just fun,

it was just kind of magical too.

Sometimes there's magic.

There was magic in the air.

Yeah, and I'll tell you this.

Proud moment.

What's your proud moment?

Proud boy moment? Yeah.

I think a proud boy moment last night was

all of our agents and managers showing up

simultaneously. And talking.
And they

talked, actually, for the first time in a long time.

There was hugs going on talking. I was like, what's going on here?

A couple of hugs. Not a lot of hugs.

And then I had all... What? What about the

goop? That's my...

That was the win. I was going to let you get

there. I didn't want you to get cut off by one of the producers.
I wanted you to get there organically. That's okay.
I know we were going to get there too. The proud moment last night was for the fans.
Hearing backstage people go, Goop, Goop, Goop, Goop. The Goop did five minutes.
Ten. Ten minutes? I don't even know.
I mean, he... Yeah, and you told me...
Because I told him. What'd I say? Can we just talk? Go ahead.
So you came up to me. The group can only do like, just bring him up and then take him out.
Well, here's why. I know.
I understand why. We started 25 minutes late.
The fans, I was like, oh, people are going to get ornery. Yeah.
Right? And also, this is my production brain. The seats were, there was no middle row.
So if you were in the middle and you had to get up to piss, you had to get up and be excuse me. Excuse me.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. For like 60 seats.
Yeah. So I was like, man, people are going to be antsy to get the show going.
So we started late. Then we had two of our friends who are store employees go up first.
So now the show is, you know, now we're getting deep into the show. And I thought, all right, if Goop goes on now and drags his feet, we're in some trouble.

But when I talk to him, I know, but here's what happens.

You tell me maybe the Goop shouldn't do it or maybe just say hi.

Because he was so nervous about it.

He goes, I don't want to do it.

Here's the thing about the Goop, dude.

He came through.

Not just came through.

Guys like the Goop, dude, they say, I don't know what I'm doing.

I'm sweaty.

You know what I mean?

I eat Skittles. You know what I mean? I'm sweaty You know I mean I eat Skittles you know I mean You know I mean I have all these Conditions yeah diabetes yeah Right he goes up there And he hits a home run and I realized That night I go he's one of those yeah He he he's a liar He walks around going I don't Know nothing but you know everything yeah he does Right he's like my brother in that way My brother acts shy and stuff but then he can do it he can do all of it yeah he can do all of it my point is is that goopy you're a liar i bet you muddy too he taps ass yeah he taps probably five times an eye we're not we're not aware we think he's five five different women wow and men wow and one gerbil Yeah.
And that gerbil dies. Wow.
A painful death. You get a new one.
Just inside. Oh, he hangs himself? What? He hangs himself? No, he's in his asshole.
He just grabs a butt hair and just brings it inside. Yeah.
The goop crushed last night. He crushed.
And then who else crushed? Ramsey and Angie, two employees of the store, did great on the show. They stayed open the show.
Then the Goop. Then Jetski and Bobby and me.
And the crowd was on fire. And then Angie, today she goes, thank you for the greatest moment of my life.
Really? Yeah. She said it was the best moment of her life.
You have to understand these people that work the door, what they get the belly room, the OR once in a while, they don't get thousands and thousands of people cheering them on. It was a magical moment for her.
Then some celebrities showed up. We wanted to name who.
Some celebrities showed up. We could say.
That's not a big deal. Our friends, Rob McElhenney and Caitlin Olsen showed up.
Yeah, from the Always Sunny showed up. Yes.
Super sweet and kind. They absolutely love the show.
Rob texted me this morning. Yeah, yeah.
And he was like, how fucking fun. Oh, wow.
So happy for you guys. He was like, how fun.
And I told him, I said, I'm giving you a heads up. This is not a typical stand-up show.
Because they were like, hey, we want to come to that show. And I said, it's not going to be what you think.
It's going to be weird. There's going to be standup.
There's going to be bits from the show. It's going to be kind of unique for our audience, for the bad friend, bad friends audiences.
They know what's coming. Yeah.
And he was like, it was perfect. It was so, yeah, he was so, they were both six.
Oh my God. They were so sweet backstage.
Oh dude, who else did we have? Are you kidding me? We have done founded back there. We had your boy, Jean Hong.
Yeah. yeah, yeah.
We had a lot of cool people come. And then- What happened? And then the agents.
Mm-hmm. I know.
Can we get some money before we leave? Oh, this is what they did. Yeah.
They flew into my dresser. Well, they first went into your dressing room.
Yeah, they all went into mine. Yeah.
Your agents came into my dressing room. I know.
All my agents went agents windows i was like i was like what i heard the flapping and the insect antennas buzzing around right we're making fun of agents because they're just kind of buzzing yeah they're always like so they came into my room oh they're biz buzzing by you and they were like this is our new one so they had a new agent yeah they did bring somebody new You're right. And they're like, she's your girl now.
Oh, really? Like it's some sort of sacrifice or something. Right? And then I go, who is she? She's like, she's the one.
And every year there's a new one. There's a one.
They promised me the world. And guess what? None of it happens.
I don't even get the world. I get not bad.
You get like. Zero.
You get like Ohio. don't even get the world I get Not bad

You get like

Zero

You get like Ohio

You don't get the world

You get Ohio

Ohio

I get a couple of gigs

A couple of lines

And some things

But they're always like

Yeah it's coming

It's the next big thing

It's not

Nah

And you know what

When you realize that

That's okay

It's great

Yeah I feel more at bay

I feel more at peace

Yeah

With the world

It is what it is

It is what it is dude

Also last night

Thank you. When you realize that.
That's okay. It's great.
Yeah. I feel more at bay.
I feel more at peace with the world. It is what it is.
It is what it is, dude. Also last night, pulling the Australian kid from the crowd was great.
Oh, he was great. Fantastic.
Dude. What a sweet boy.
And it's nice to know we got fans down under. He didn't kiss me though.
I was a little annoyed by that. Annoyed.
Yeah, pissed me off. I would have killed.
Because here you were face to face. You're a handsome guy.

He's a handsome guy.

Why not make the moment more special?

Why not make the moment a little bit more special and give a look?

One little smooch.

That's all you wanted.

Yeah, but you kept like, and I was like, I can't force it.

I know.

There's thousands of people watching.

Three, actually.

Yeah, that'd be bad.

A lot of witnesses.

Your Honor, we have all the witnesses.

Yeah, it was a beautiful theater, too.

What a beautiful.

That's where Richard Pryor shot Richard Pryor Live in 1979.

Wow.

Do you know that sometimes I'm like wow this is crazy but zoom in if you don't mind at the bottom this was in the hallway on the way to the stage I saw it and it says on December 10th 1979 Richard Pryor filmed Richard Pryor live in concert right here on the Terrace Theater stage hailed as the single greatest stand-up performance ever captured on film. This film not only had raw humor on police brutality, sex, race, marriage, but also helped kick off the stand-up boom of the 1980s.
Performing in the same stage as Richard Pryor is both an aspiration and a profound honor, symbolizing the completion of a comedic journey. Break a leg out there.
I thought that was a beautiful thing. And I read that literally before we started the show.
Wow show wow because i kind of saw the poster you see posters that you pass through these hallways and you think oh they showed like elvis had performed there they said the the beatles like they had all the posters in the basement yeah and it is amazing you're like we're sharing these age but this just hit me in the chest for some reason it was like wow this dude filmed there chose there the beatles performed there beatles and the rolling stones probably beatles stones elvis dude the basement was the amount of people that performed there was shocking yeah and i think we forget sometimes we're in that same venue we're not elvis first of all we are elvis no we're not we are our elvis yeah elvis yeah okay we're elvis with a butthole elvis didn't show the audience their butthole. Yes, he did.
That's why he would shake. Oh.
He was loosening up. Like I 69ed the fucking Australian guy last night with my ass out.
Yeah, Elvis didn't have the balls to do that. Yeah, and I'm like 69ing this guy, this Australian guy.
He's freaking out. And I look and I see my manager looking at me going.
And I'm like, I'm sorry. There is a tape I heard.
Google this. Elvis talking to girlfriend from war.
What? There was a recorded phone call of Elvis talking to his girlfriend over the phone from war. No, it's funny.
She's like pissed off because she's like, what's going on out with all the other girls and he's like i'm not there's no other girls baby she's like yeah this is it this is it okay play this

See? Because you don't miss me. Oh, shit.
Well, that's what it seems like to me, Elvis.

I don't know.

I'm fine.

I don't.

See, he's dealing with it.

They haven't changed.

They haven't changed.

Throughout the time.

Cavemen did this.

You know what I mean?

Oh, my God.

Hey.

I was.

I was.

I was.

Wow.

They haven't changed. She says at some point.
not a baby i'm a i'm a grown lady she says at some point i want to smack you and beat the shit out of you yeah she's like i want to hurt you and hit you but you hear this whole a need of wood conversation and i swear to god i had the same thought i thought it's the same what nothing was different we have this fascination that that back then there was like a glitz and a glamour to it. Where it's like, my love, I miss you so much.
I can't wait to get. She's like, I miss you too.
I can't wait to feel your embrace. And so she's like, I want to hit you in your fucking head, Elvis.
Yeah. And he's like, you ain't going to do that.
You ain't going to do that. Yeah.
It's exactly what happens today. Everything's different.
But he had power that we don't have now. Well, he was the global...
He could literally walk into anywhere. Hey, baby.
Fuck my dick. But listen.
And they were like, okay, I mean, there's no other... I mean, it wouldn't even...
That's how much fame he had. Yeah, sure.
This is when like the Beatles would show up and people would faint. Who faints now? If somebody fainted for you, I'd love every single second of it.
No, I would be concerned. I'd go, are you okay? You know, get them to the hospital.
No, I'd leave them there. No kidding.
Well, anyway, we share the stage with some of these great legends last night and we only have four shows left and boy, oh boy, is it four? There's only four left. We're doing well, Australia, the United States.
Oh, yeah. no yes we are going to australia in november the dates are going to be announced finally we are doing it we are going we're i bet your money in 2025 we'll go back out no yeah i bet your money if it's okay i'll bet you anything you've got because it would take two of us to say yes okay can i and i'm not gonna say yes yeah yeah really i think i want to reformulate uh i think i i want to work on my hour okay 2026 then 26 we'll be out and that's the last one and then we're done for good yeah yeah we'll be fun done for good fuck that you know that's not true you and i'll be doing this until we can't do it anymore i don't know man fuck you what do dude.
What do you got going on? We don't know. We don't know what...
Stardew Valley. Stardew Valley? Honda Chocolate Earth Tears.
Oh, can I say another thing about you? Yeah, go ahead. I know what you're going to do.
What am I going to do? It's what you did. Because you do it to me during the meet and greets.
If a fan says anything to me about anything I'm interested in, which they almost never do, but if a fan says, Hey, Santino, can I ask you a question about XYZ? You always go, oh, get the fuck out of here. No, but...
But then when you get... Am I wrong, Carlos? You're there every time.
He's there every time and he knows. Go ahead.
When they bring up golf, you get really mad because it's about your dad. Yeah, because I have trauma associated with it.
That's not true. Don't do that.
That's such a fake... He gets mad because it's not about him.
It's a selfish fucking piece of shit. That's not why.
You get mad because it's not about you for three seconds. I want to tell you what you did last night.
It's always about you. I want to tell you what you did last night and it's fucking wrong.
I'm glad you brought it up, dude. Go ahead.
You brought it up, you dummy. Dummy.
I'm going to tell you what you did. You get mad when it's not about you for three seconds.
You talk about golf. It's fine.
I'll just roll my eyes. That's what you did.
But it never happens is the thing. They always talk about your stuff.
Yes, thank you, Carlos. Thank you, Carlos.
Oh, really? No, that's true, though. No, can I just say what you did last time? Yeah, but do you not like the truth? You don't like the truth.
Yeah, yeah. Every fucking nerd comes up, I have a Star Wars shirt that I made with our faces on it, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And then I just sit there and smile, and I'm not rude, and then you go, who's your favorite kid? Whatever. No, I just let you do it.
But then last night you were fucking ho, ho humming on about fucking farming. No, that's a girl comes up to me.
She goes, um, there's going to be a new, um, not DLC, but a new like update for Stardew Valley. I go, well, maybe I should start a new, you know, main farm then.
She's like, you should. I go, and then we start talking about like,

I go about the melons

and how the gigantic melon forms.

When,

when you,

when you crop like the same kind of seed,

sometimes with cauliflower melon,

a gigantic one formed

and you have to chop it down with an ax.

That's the.

Whoa.

Okay.

That's fine.

But then what you.

Whoa.

That's fine.

But this is what you.

Fuck you. Stop.
Stop. And then this is what you did.
Whoa. That's what But then what you Whoa That's fine But this is what you Fuck you That's awesome Stop And then this is what you did Whoa Look at how big it is Right But then for four or five minutes You go Melons you fucking nerd Yep And you rub it in my face Even after like Ten minutes go by You'll go Fucking melons dude Chopping down with an.
And I'm like, dude, I don't say that about when you talk about golf. Yeah, you do.
When anybody says anything nice to me, you go, oh, shut the fuck up. You talk about sports.
You're racist the way you just did my... That's fucking racist, dude.
Did you see that? Have you not been watching this show? Are you not on this show, dumbass?

You didn't do it in a comedy way.

You did it in a fucking racist way, dude.

Really, dude?

Again, look at that.

Really, dude?

Well, the lights are hitting me bright.

All right.

Anyway, fuck you, dude.

Fuck you.

Anyway.

Loser.

See?

I'm not a loser, dude.

I'm a winner.

I'm tired of people talking to me like that.

Whatever you need to tell to yourself, dude.

Yeah, I'm a winner. Fucking nerd.
of people. Whatever you need to tell to yourself, dude.
Yeah, I'm a winner.

Nerd.

Yeah.

The watermelons get so big.

Did you cut them down?

No.

Can I just explain to you what happens?

And I think we're mis-

Right.

When you plant melons in it.

Yeah, dude.

No, just let me finish.

I think you're misunderstanding.

See you in your underwear with like food on your belly. Just like Look at how fake the watermelons are You're fucking You're idiocracy You're literally what Mike Judge wrote about Yeah Like just numb Stuffed with junk food Watching a melon The melon is big You know what's so funny I'm up to walk, dude.
I'm about to walk, dude. You really got me on the fence, dude.
Skidaddle. I like some of the nerd shit.
You and I share a lot of nerd shit in common, actually. Well, then there we go.
What the fuck's the problem, dog? But let's be honest. Okay.
All jokes aside. Yeah.
You know I love when you connect with the fans. I don't like it when you're mean to me about what I like with the fans.
That's my retaliation. Because if a fan goes, Santino, I'm wearing a Bulls jacket.
And you immediately make fun of them. I don't make fun of the fans for liking your stuff.
Stop. I don't make fun of the fans for liking your stuff.
I make fun of you when they're gone. Am I right, Carlos? You see it first hand.
You see it first hand. Look at the way he paused.
No, he knows. No, he's trying to.
No, here's what it is. Because you're such a fucking manipulative, gaslighting bully.
Look at what he's doing now. Andrew is right.
Thank you. I know it is.
You get mad at the spot. I know, but does it carry over into two or three other Well, this is a whole new argument.
Yeah, it's a whole new argument. Exactly.
You're making a total I let it go quickly. I'll you do...
I'll say you let it go quickly. Yeah, yeah.
He does not. But you bully the fans.
He seethes in. But you bully the fans.
And I don't bully your fans. I don't...
Oh, you don't bully my fans! No. We just went over this.
Two seconds ago. Like when they go, we got you gummy bears.
You're like, gummy bears. No, I've never...
I know you. I just made that up.
I just made that up. I just made that up.
Thank you. See? Yeah, you're right.
I made that I made that up Let's get back I don't even know Why we're fucking I'm not fighting with you Can I just say I don't want to fight with you I love you I don't know, man I'm supportive as fuck Of you and your I know you are But I'm just saying Here's the one thing That happened With one of your fans He goes This has never happened With any of my fans he looked at me he goes i just want a photo with andrew and it had it happened in atlanta do you remember that and it hurt my feelings okay well none of my fans would do that here's here here's how selfish and unaware you are if you want to get into this many many many if not multiple times every time you've named one shitty instance multiple times we have fans in the meet and greet? Multiple times. They beeline to you.
They're so excited. They say hi.
They don't even look at me. What's there not to like, baby? Or say hi.
Or say hi. Well, if they knew the real you.
But they don't even say hi or look at me. And I just politely do the thing and take the phone oh let's move on let's go oh you don't like that

oh you don't like

when it's real

yeah yeah

oh you wanna go

I handle it professionally

I have nothing else

yeah you don't

thank you

I handle it professionally

and I move on

and I move forward

let's talk about

something more fun

that can get you and I

because as best friends

I don't wanna

I don't know man

shut up

don't do that

what are you doing

don't say I don't know

I do know

say I love you right now one two three I love you oh you son of a god say it i won't not right now say i love at the end no say it why say it or i won't move forward you're acting like such a baby today say i love you i won't i don't like when people tell me when to say it say i love you know i do know I do, right? Say it. Do you not know I do? I don't know it right

now. Right.
There are times where I love

you. What's that

laugh? I don't know it

right now. Okay.
I'm going to say it around

the room. Andreas,

I love you. McCone,

I like you.

Carlos, I like you. I don't get love?

No. Not lately.

Not lately.

Andrew,

I'm going to the world. They clink it.
They did it at Lord of the Rings. Well, you're sober, so let's not do a cheers.
Okay. Let's do a liner.
When people smoke crack, do they cheers pipes with other people that smoke and rock? That's so funny. They do do a cheers okay um let's do a liner do people when they smoke crack when people smoke crack do they cheers pipes with other people that's so fucking rock that's so funny they do do a little clink and then lose teeth yeah say i love you right now why say it i love you say it for real i swear to god i just said it look me in the face and say it for real otherwise i will we will end the show tonight well you're acting like i'm such a baby you know what can i say something you need to out of this.
It is so funny when he says you're acting like a baby knowing you're the biggest baby. You're the biggest baby I know.
All right. I love you, man.
I love you, too. Love you, dude.
I love you. All right.
Let's do something real. I love everything, dude.
No, no, you don't. McCone.
Let's talk about McCone. Oh, boy.
This fucking idiot. Get up to the mic, you dumbass.
This moron. Oh, my God.
Duck down so you can talk in the mic. Yes, keep your head like that.
So this moron, we're leaving Sacramento, right? It's a 30-minute ride from the hotel to the airport, okay? We get to the airport, right? Plenty of time. It was not too early in the morning.
It was fine, right? We had a noon flight. Plenty of time.
We get there. McCone, in a moment of panic, says says i left my car keys in the hotel right and i said dude what are you gonna do and he goes well i don't know i'm calling around to people and i'm trying to figure out how i can do my week without my car because i have an extra key my roommate can bring it to me but it won't unlock my car because i need the digital whoop because somebody tried to break into my car with a screwdriver this guy's whole life it's kramer he's kramer right so then i said okay dude then you need your original car key otherwise you're not going to be able to get into your car and who knows if the if they're going to ship it blah blah blah my assumption andrew santino's assumption he's already contacted the hotel about his key of course you would obviously thank you bobby this fucking moron didn't do that no he decides he decides i'm just gonna take a car to the hotel because i'm pretty sure it's there not checking his own backpack on his person wait check not checking his own backpack on his person gets off of our flight doesn't take our flight books another flight pays for a flight to go to lax instead of to go to burbank.
And what happens, Dumbo? Okay, well, first of all... He found the keys in his bag.
I know that. The keys were in his bag the whole time.
The whole time. I have a new backpack.
I'm not familiar with all the crevices, how deep they go. I was rifling the whole car ride and I couldn't find it.
Well, then you know what? If it's too many crevasses, we need to get you a one-bag crevasse, which is a purse. We're getting you a purse for the next tour and all your stuff is going in one bag.
Is this fair? Yeah. You're getting a purse.
To be honest, Bobby, when he heard his story, said you sometimes lose keys in your backpack. Me? No.
Him. Bobby? Oh, that night, before Bobby left Long Beach, I went back in the room and I said, Jesse, there's a charge in one of the rooms.
Is that yours? said no it's Bobby's I think he's about to leave Can you grab the phone Wait wait wait I cannot I can't I can't I can't Bobby Carkey's I cannot Oh my god dude We can't air this podcast We can't air this podcast Because I'm about to go off now Light him up Light him up Hey guy Light him up Let me say something guy Alright Light him up Did I leave Did You were about to leave. No, it wasn't.
I was up. You were like, oh, my God.
Don't talk to me like that. I'm your boss.
That's what you said. Don't talk to me like that.
I'm your boss. All right? Number one, I was out there smoking a cigarette with friends.
I haven't left yet. You had all your stuff.
Can I say this, too? You shitbox. You fucking RR.
Okay? My car was right there. Yeah.
What happened is this. Oh, my keys are back in there.
Yep. What's the big deal? Yep.
Did I go to the airport and forget it? No. No, you didn't.
You didn't have to because I was there. No, you weren't there to save me.
I did save you. What? No, you weren't.
I didn't save you. You didn't save shit, shit dude and here's another thing you didn't save your job you're fired you piece of shit see you later how could you talk to me like that honestly you white fuckers dude it is the whites it's the whites you would not talk to andrew that way no no be honest with you no and let me say something the the little relationship that you and i had Is now severed It's gone It didn't exist Fuck you dude And let me say something It was nice to your fucking parents Your farmer parents Like hey man Oh this is what Outside of the woods looks like I'm like yeah welcome Well the one thing you did like about his dad was he talked about those big watermelons.

He was like, big watermelons out there.

Yeah.

Gotta cut them down.

Is that a Stardew Valley?

It is, yeah.

Okay, stop.

Come on, it's a fun.

Stop that. Stop that, man.

Anyway, get back off the post.

So get back off the post.

So let's go back to this.

Andreas, fuck you too, dude.

Oh, I like this a lot. Yeah, I just said said to you Just to make McCone feel better I go Well yeah sometimes I lose my keys in my bag Just to make him feel better Right But you just use it against me Make me look like fool No just to How sympathetic you are See that in the mic What did he say? I don't even know But I think it's a fucking bad thing Yeah me too It was too.
It was just to show how sympathetic you are. Oh, I see.
I thought you said pathetic. I thought you said pathetic too.
And I was about to go rage. Yeah, man.
I was hoping. I was like, dude, this is going to get good.
Yeah, yeah. Might break a neck.
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McCone, let's just start some boundaries.

I'm going to start some boundaries with everyone in this room right now.

Okay? You're fine.

Thank you. I love you.
I love you too, man.

Thank you. You're welcome, dude.
I love you too man thank you you're welcome dude

I'm glad that we're back

get rid of these guys

no

the boundary is this

I think I've been too nice

I pinch your ass

don't I pinch your ass

in a loving way

what's so funny man

loving way

just ass pitching

yeah

I don't do it like a rub

like a sexual

I just pinch it

I know

you're cute

what a cutie Spanish

right

you McCone dude

I swear to God dude

It's a good thing. I don't do it like a rub, like a sexual.
I just pinch it. I know.
I'm like, you're cute. What a cutie Spanish.
Right? You, McCone, dude, I swear to God, dude, it's going to take a while for you to get back. Take it back, what you said.
But don't say anything. But take it back.
But don't say a word. Very good.
Good. Carlos, I don't know what you did.
You did good. Thank you, man.
Carlos has stepped up a lot By the way, Goop, the Goop, when he got off stage Let's talk about the Goop He came up to me and I said, Goop, man, you did so good And he goes, thank you, Andrew And then he pulls out of his pocket a pack of sour Skittles Yeah,, he did. And I said, is that your little celebration, Skittles?

And he said, not till I don't have to talk anymore because I don't want my mouth to get cut when I'm still here.

He just lied to you.

Why?

He ate him there?

No.

What?

The Skittles were a fallback plan.

What do you mean?

To his act.

Is that real?

Yeah.

He goes, I'm bringing Skittles up here because if I'm bombing, I can eat the Skittles.

And I go, it's a prop?

He goes, yeah.

I really love that guy. Right? And since he killed, he didn't need to use it.
So he lied to you, dude. Wow, dude.
That's two lies out of the goop? Yeah, two lies, dude. Hold on, Lance.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
I can't believe it. I thought you were kidding that you got Lance.
And I was like. Okay, look like Okay look We have to tell I'll tell our audience We have a guest on the show today Who I met at the comedy store I'm kind of a fan of A new fan Never really met him You guys have never met I'm a fan of the albums Alright come on Lance can you please come in here And take a seat down there Great to see you man It's great to you live.
Which one? Blue or? Blue is fine, yeah. Blue.
Blue is good. Blue.
Unless you want pink. You like pink? No, blue.
Blue is good, right? Yeah, it's good. Put on your headphones there, Lance, if you don't mind.
Oh, fuck. You have water? Yeah, we have water, man.
Yeah, man. Demand is pretty crazy.
I know. It's just standard is all.
Probably water right by your foot there, Lance. Okay, cool.
Wow. Thanks, man.
I fan too, dude. You've seen it.
Yeah, no, for real. No, you win a lot of stuff.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
What have you seen him in that you like? New Sex City. That one.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that one.
What else? You don't have to put those on if you don't want. No, I put them on.
I pro, man. I do podcasts.
I know how it works. Oh.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Do you have your own podcast? Yeah. No, I don't.
I used to back in the day, but then I got close on a Hollywood job, so I delete, delete, delete. Oh.
You know? Paper trail. You seem pro-Israel to me.
Whoa, bro. Out the gate, dude.
What? Out the gate. Oh, God.
Let me thrive before cancel, all right? Give me a minute. Outside of our show in Long Beach, there was a pro-Palestine march, and half of the fans said they couldn't get through the traffic.
I know. To get in.
Were you down there by any chance? Perhaps. Perhaps, dude.
I don't want to ruffle those feathers. So I've seen you at the comedy store.
You're a pretty funny guy. Thanks, dude.
You're on your way up. You've only been doing it for how long? I mean, I'm there.
On my way up. You think you're- Oh, you're a pretty funny guy thanks dude um you're on your way up you've only been doing it for how i mean i'm i'm there on my way up you think you're oh yeah why am i here if i'm on my way up why am i here well i mean i'm doing this as a little bit of no i know i'm just saying i kind of arrived this is pretty cool right right this is cool yeah it's cool but how long have you been doing stand-up well i don't like his energy right now it's a little aggressive It.
It's a little aggressive. Yeah.
Come back in, maybe. What, redo come in? Yeah, redo it.
Redo it, man. I'm so comfy right now.
All right, well, Lance, stay there then. Maybe I marinate on this, and then if I want to redo, I redo? All right, you can redo it, yeah.
Okay, what if I come in and it's even cockier? See if we can do that. Cockier? Oh, yeah.
Oh, cockier Yeah yeah go cockier That was me Reining it in Bobby Okay let me see That was me being humble Coming in I wanna see what you wanna do You're probably dancing huh Me no filter Yeah yeah Me no filter cock coming in We don't want a filter We want you to be free Okay straight Do who you are Okay here we go You ask I put a limiter on it But you go Go full Lance on it Ladies and gentlemen Our guest Lance Canstopolis is here Where the fuck Do you want me to sit Alright Lance Maybe sit down In the blue chair there Yeah Wow Wow Wow So my childhood Growing up It was tough Do you have a power raid? I went power raid this time I was being humble Going water We don't have power raid Sorry Where did you grow up Lance? I don't I don't really say Where I grow up Okay You know I'm not doing Like a one man show Who give a shit Tell some jokes You know Yeah yeah yeah Wow And then my dad Told me Who give a fuck What's funny Yeah I don't care about your bio I don't want a spotlight Of you on stage And then this happened to me So when you see comics You don't like them When they get personal And talk about their own lives No I go Who give a fuck From the back Right Cause I Because I'm up next. Right.
Everyone crying.

Right.

So you like to talk

just jokes.

People eating chicken fingers.

Chingers.

Whoa.

You know Freudian slip.

Yeah.

Where'd my fucking water go?

Dude, he just called me

a chinger, dude,

and I don't like it.

I love it.

Did you hear it?

Yeah, chinger.

Chinger.

Yeah, I'm not a chinger, dude.

All right, I spill a little.

That is...

I'm a chinga.

Chinga.

Yeah. That's like Mexican stuff? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway. I'm a chinga.
Chinga. That's like Mexican stuff? Yeah.
Chingo or chinga. Chinga tomare.
It's probably a food. Yeah, it's a good food.
Lance, how long have you been doing stand-up, Lance? Not long, dude. Maybe, what, five years? Do you have any material out? Do you have specials? I don't have material.
I just show up other con because i do comedy store you guys do comedy store right people go up there and they go i've been having problem with my girlfriend lately and i see this motherfucker talk about his problem with his girlfriend yeah he onto like girlfriend number three doing same joke because jokes still work so he doing he doing pretend what like pretend extemporaneous who are you saying this about specifically every comic really every comic on stage saying this just happened to me or i you ever notice this every night they do it bobby lee bobby bobby lee do it yeah sorry you know go ahead dig no you do you do um but i i just show up i go up i start dancing for a minute they play club music I dance for a minute Set the tone I've seen it Yeah And then it's fun And then I just do Q&A From the audience I go Anybody have any questions for me? Lance do you There's a rumor And you can squash this If this isn't true I'm not gay I know Well Can we just Form our own opinions I just want to squash Form our own opinions opinions, though. Okay, yeah.
Do you have beef with Bill Burr? Somebody said you have big beef with him. Not big beef, slight beef.
Do you want to tell us what happened? I mean, it's a great way to kind of get it out. Just I fist bump, you know, and maybe he moving too fast to not see the bump.
Oh, so you punched him. I didn't punch.
No, I do respect fist bump.

I like what he's doing.

I like how he trash women sometimes.

The rumor is that you- Sometimes.

He doesn't trash women, dude.

The rumor is you hit him a little bit.

What, like I punch him?

That's what's going around the store.

People are saying that you assaulted-

When I say trash women, I mean respectfully.

When they need to be knocked down a peg.

Right, right, right.

Not like, yeah, not Andrew Tate, although that sometimes you know like I don't like all his video but some video you go you got a point you know like I would never at a party be like hey everybody check this out but when you're in your car you go yeah you bring up a point are you a citizen here of the United States or no? you know I'm here could you vote? in theory would you vote in November? I would love to vote. Yeah.
Who would you vote for, you think? The pause says everything. Yeah.
It's tough though, because Biden or Trump pretty much, right? RFK. Basically, yeah.
RFK. Nikki Haley's probably not going to run.
You're going to do RFK? I have no idea. Who do you think you'd vote for, Lance? It's's tough Because Biden not great Trump not great RFK is a new option Yeah Right now Yeah But he too small time Maybe you can run America not ready Because I don't want to get a haircut or anything I don't want to You don't have to cut your hair But as a president What would you be What like laws would you enact? Okay so if you are If you're in a drive-thru for In-N-Out and your car is in traffic.
Yeah. No, you go to jail.
Wait, wait, what do you mean traffic? You have to be in the parking lot of In-N-Out. When the line is so low.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
Cars are, you know what I mean? What you're saying is this. Now we get it.
So sometimes the one on Sunset. All of them.
Sometimes there's so many fat people who need In-N-Out so bad. Right.
And they clog up Sunset or Orange. What I'm saying is.
Look, it's not going to happen to you today. All right.
Go to Burger King. Go to when they're willing to be in traffic.
And they're about to die. They're about to get T-boned by car because they're so fat and want to be in a drive-thru.
Yeah, yeah. I would get rid of those people.
Okay, that's a good law. First order of business.
Your administration, that's the first law that we... I would drop a bomb on the traffic.
Okay. You know, if you are inside the parking lot, you're safe.
The shrapnel won't get you. I gotta know.
Can I be your vice president? Because I have a law. Please, what is your law? All right, Chick-fil-A, you open on Sundays.
Yeah, yeah. I know you're Christian,ian right and i know you have moralities and value open on sundays you live in america yeah like hindu people can operate this on that day right it's so brilliant job creator right that's so brilliant yeah and if you love jesus you stay home and you have atheists you have wiccans and stuff you operate yeah You're going to have a warlock.
Do you have any redheaded people where you come from? Have you ever associated with redheads at all? Or even, do you know anything about Asian people? It's very rare. I mean, I don't see a lot of you.
We see you, yeah. What do we do there from where you're from? Laundry stuff.
Oh, so like here. Oh, here still? No, but from where you're from.
Back in, yeah, yeah, yeah. This magical place where you're from.
Right, right. You see people that look like me.
Some, yeah. What do we do there? Yeah, some laundry.
One guy have GameStop. Oh, there's a GameStop there.
He ran a GameStop. He was doing laundry, but he made enough money to follow his passion of video games.
Wow, he still has a GameStop out there. Okay, good.
Yeah. What did you do before you did stand-up? What I do, just odd job stuff.
Task Rabbit, you know, building furniture. Oh.
A little modeling here and there. You were a model? Yeah, some model stuff.
At leisure, so I wear the jogging suit and then... For like what? For Lululemon or one of those? Lower brand, you know.
Yeah, not Lulu. Lulu was like pinnacle.
Yeah, yeah. But Cheetah was pretty good get for me.
Like champion? No, champion really good too. No, Cheetah sweatpants.
Oh, Cheetah sweatpants. Yeah, Cheetah sweatpants.
Wow. Pretty good.
High Sierra. High Sierra.
High Sierra, yeah. One time there was a small time gym.
You ever see people like a wallpaper on the gym of like a guy doing a squat? Mm-hmm. I was a squat guy.
Oh yeah so how long have you been in the states a while now man i'm pretty assimilated like i know i know lingo i know stuff like what like what like what give me a saying what lingo you know ik is a good one yeah yeah girls have ik yeah yeah that? You know, like a chick's fat or something. Yeah.

It's like an ick.

It's one of my icks.

That's one of your icks.

Yeah, I don't like- Give me a list of Lance's icks.

Weird face.

Well, does anybody in here have a weird face?

No, pretty good face.

Yeah, he's a little weird.

But then he has glasses.

Yeah, nobody is good.

Pretty good faces, yeah.

Here, you're hiding.

Can I see your face a little more?

Holy fuck. Yeah.
Yeah. he's good pretty good faces yeah here you're hiding can I see your face a little more holy fuck yeah yeah but pretty standard face good yeah he have a lot of accessories going on like mustache he's like biting a little bit of me what about my face you have great face man oh you've always thought that yeah yeah yeah thank you like very castable I could in everything.
Like I see you, I picture you handing a beer to your white best friend. Right.
In a rom-com. Yeah, no, no.
Sure, but like a commercial too, like a Michelob Ultra. Right.
He kind of have a long jog. So let's do that commercial.
So he's the white friend? This is the commercial, right? Right, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he's doing something. You ran five miles before, you know, just to get your heart rate up.
And then, but you're still a fit guy. You know, you still like beer, even though you run a lot.
Right. And at the very end of the commercial, here I show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, perfect.
Thank you. Yeah, the smile, maybe a bit much.
It seemed like you have like mental. Well, you don't direct me.
Is that your natural? Because it seemed like you have mental problems. You smile like that.
All right, so just direct me. So that was too much? Direct me? Yeah, a little smile.
Give me another shot. Ready? So he just won.
So you're wiped. You've done your run, but you still want a beer.
I love a beer. I'm so tired from that run.
Here comes your boy. Okay, why are you looking at me? Why? I'm looking at him.
Yeah, yeah, you're looking at him. Oh, my bad, my bad.
Give him a line at least. Yeah, yeah.
A line will probably help the rhythm. I think that would help me.
This should quench your thirst and get you fucked up. Okay, ready? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, man. What a long run.
I'd really love a beer. This should quench your thirst, get you really fucked up.
Yeah. Well, he kind of bobbles the line up top.
Can you ADR it? No. I'll do it again, right? You mouth it, I do the line for you.
Oh, okay. I ADR, I do ADR on the spot.
Here we go. Man, I'm really tired of that run.
I love a beer. This should quench your thirst.
It'll get you fucked up. Print it.
Check the gate.

Wow.

That was pretty good.

That's pretty good.

Thank you, someone. All the films from when we were in our youth,

all the films that were dubbed over.

Yeah.

These will get your thirst.

Yeah.

Are you a fan of cinema?

I love cinema, dude.

Like, my dream, you know,

we meet at a comedy store,

and you see me rip and shit,

and like, you know.

You do okay.

I do, but I mean,

the building shakes. It does shake, yeah.
You saw it shake. I've seen it shake, yeah.
There's this heckler video and there's footage of me. It was an earthquake at the same time.
No, no. Give me credit.
Come on. All right.
Yeah. And I just didn't know how you got that camel up on stage.
That was amazing. Yeah.
Yeah. I did get a full-blown camel on stage.
It's a tough closer to every time yeah i go good luck following that yeah well the amount of water that comes out of that thing is absurd it's absurd a lot yeah it's in the hump and then to have it disappear yeah it's a little kind of um i don't want to give away his act on this i know but it's still i don't do you i don't even do that bit that much anymore so yeah all right you don't not anymore really i've seen you do it five times when where where where do i store no now you don't even do that bit that much anymore. The Calipit? Yeah.
All right. You don't? Not anymore, really.
I've seen you do it five times. When? Where? Where do I? Store? No, you don't do it at the store anymore.
Yeah, I do it at Flapper sometimes. Carnegie Hall, we saw you do that.
You closed with the Calipit. Yeah, but then David Copperfield was like, I do a similar thing, and so I have to start.
And to juggle three koala bears is, I mean, I just don't, and they're alive. And they all have herpes, because koalas, have herpes you have to dodge you have to like dodge their lips when you're juggling them incredible work thanks man thank you yeah but yeah i want to get into cinema like i want to be in action movies it's my dream whoa i would do a rom-com to like whatever i got to do to build my way up well let me see i how about this i'd like to see your cast ability because we are making a movie right now yeah why don't you't you show me if you're the love interest for Bobby.
Bobby's a sweet little lady and you're obviously you. I'd like to see you flirting with her at a bar to try to see if I could put you in our movie.
We do have a scene where we have a scene. We need a guy that's flirting with this girl and they end up getting into a big fight scene physically.
But let's just see you flirt and see if it works. Sure, sure.
So we're at the bar? Yeah, you're at a bar. It's actually, it's in New York.
It's in the village. It's kind of a hip, cool, young bar.
She's a NYU grad student. Okay.
How old is she? Grad student. She's 23.
23. 23 years old.
Tight pussy? Huh? Tight pussy? It's pretty tight, yeah. Well, it Hold on Oh sorry I don't want people To talk about my pussy No it's tight It is tight It is tight It's tight Alright I mean Why wouldn't you want it To be tight? Why are you Throwing away tight pussy? Okay I'm fine Alright let's go And her name is Camille Camille And let's see how this takes place.
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Camille, right?

Yeah, how'd you know?

Just your reputation procedure.

Oh, really?

You mean at law school?

Yeah, and everywhere.

Oh, thank you.

What's your name?

My name is Lance.

Lance. Oh, I think I've heard of you.
Lance Canstopolis. Hopefully all good things.
Holy shit. Yeah.
So I need legal help. Okay.
I hit a guy with my car. Yeah.
Yeah. What would you do? It was totally my fault.
But I needed to not appear so. I'm sorry.
Did the police show up? Did you call I ran You ran? I ran So there's probably a war now for your rest? Perhaps But I'm trying to get ahead of it Okay But aside from that Did he die? Maybe Okay, well I didn't really stick around to find out Alright But let's table what I told you. Okay.
I want to fuck you tonight. Oh, wow.
What a turn. Are you okay? No, I'm sorry.
I just, you know. Can we get her some water? No, I'm fine.
I got water right here. What a switch though.
That was really fast. I move fast.
I know you do. When I see something I like, I go for it.
You went from you're a wanted fugitive And then you went to fuck. Yes.
Okay. Well, let's deal with the first problem first and then maybe I'll think, do you like loose pussies? They're not ideal.
Mine's very, I've had five kids. What? It's loose.
It's pretty loose.

Bye.

Hi.

I'm John Quinonez from What Would You Do?

We just did a scene from What Would You Do?

Yes.

And you, you failed.

I did?

Yeah.

Okay.

You were going to have sex with Lance.

I was, yes.

Bad.

Okay, why? Bad girl.

Why?

He's a fugitive.

He murdered people. Shut your mouth.
Do you want to be added to the list? Wow, wow. Great.
Lance, I apologize. Very good.
Very good, man. That skill set is pretty incredible.
Yeah, I feel my range is pretty. I can do high octane, like get on a motorcycle, but then I can bring it down and tell you I like tight pussy.
Are you a single guy? Yeah, I'm only single. You've never been in a relationship? No, sometimes it's a fear that way where they kind of want that.
And then I get very busy. What do you get busy doing? You know, work.
What are you doing working? You know, writing, acting. When's the last act? Just nebulous stuff where they can't keep tabs, you know? Okay, good.
Like I don't work in a... Yeah, you know, like when you're an artist, you go, oh, my process.
And then they have to respect the process. You do have to respect it.
And then if they get really, really upset, I just say, baby, you're an artist you go oh my process and then they have to

respect the process

you do have to respect

and then if they get

really really upset

I just say

baby you're my muse

and then they like

because they have

no talent themselves

right

so they are

like to know

that my jokes

and my art

come from me

being bad to them

is alluring to them

like

that's why Picasso

you know

Picasso had so many

chicks and stuff

I just don't think

you have a lot of range

what the fuck

yeah

give me

what do you mean? I don't think you have a lot of range. And I just want to do a different movie scenario, if I may.
Yeah. Like, dear Daniel Day-Lewis.
No, not Daniel Day-Lewis. We're on a different planet.
And we're an alien species, right? So CGI? Yeah, some CGI, but I'm an alien creature. It's like Star Trek 9.
Right. All right? And you're playing an alien.
Okay. Okay? And we're at the same scenario.
We're at a bar. Okay? So you're coming to me.
I'll have a drink, right? Holy fuck, he has it. Wow.
Dude, he has the rage. Wow.
So good, dude. That sounds like a camel.
Did that get you horny? Yeah it did. Wow.
But you would have to do subtitle because that was gibberish. Like I didn't speak a real thing.
Yeah and I wasn't either fuck. But it sold me on it.
Yeah it sold it. Lance let me ask you.
This was a real language. You seem to be you seem to be connected to the universe that we live in.
You know a lot of people that I know, although a lot of people don't know you well.

What are some comedians?

If we name comedians, because I know I said you had a little bit of beef.

Nah, slight beef.

You're trying to stir pot between biggest guy in comedy and me right now.

No, I'm not doing it.

I just, people said that, you and Bert.

Who do you-

Where?

You say it's trending or something.

It's just a fist bump that, you know, a miscommunication. All right, let me name some comics and see if you have an association with them at all.
Sure. Okay? Yeah.
Is that fine? Yeah. Okay.
How about Jesselnik? Jesselnik, yeah. I know of him.
No beef with him? No beef. You like him? I like his style.
You think he's cool? Yeah, he wears a jean jacket too. You get it.
What about Spade? You like David Spade? Love Spade. Longevity.
Right. Great.
Chicks right great chicks great with chicks what about Fahim you know Fahim Anwar you like him nah he's okay I guess why did you pause why he alright he kind of you know what I'm talking about he has a great special coming out that's great he does he's putting in a special right now yeah where is it is it going to be? What do you mean, where is it going to be? What's the home? Netflix? No, it's going to be on YouTube. It's called House Money.
Oh, YouTube. Can't anyone upload on YouTube? Yeah.
Oh. Yeah, but let's not talk shit.
You don't have a special on YouTube. I don't need to.
Every time I go on stage, it's special. Okay, I highly doubt that.
No, for real. Ask audience, just the building.
I know, but I'm saying you can't take shots of people that have been in comedy for a long time that are doing shit, and you haven't proven yourself yet. I mean, maybe not on a large scale, but anybody who know comedy and shit, know Lance is fucking on the rocket ship to success.
I don't know. We've asked a lot of people.
I would say some people know who you are, but I think you need to be humbled a little bit. All right.
Yeah, I take your note. I take your note.
But you know Fahim, right? I know Av. Right, so you've talked to him about the house money, have you? No, we haven't talked about it.
Just say fucking yes, maybe? I don't know. Yeah, sure.
He a great special. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a great special, right? I've never seen it yet. It's February 28th.
Who's going to watch it? I don't know. People, yeah.
I mean, I will watch it. I'll watch it too.
Well, you're friends. I love that.
He's my oldest friend in comedy. I met him when we both came, when I was out here and we started together.
So that's why I don't want you to disrespect him. Sure, sure.
Nah, I hope to have a YouTube special someday too. Listenahim Anwar.
Again, I see that you're being condescending.

No, I'm being Rahim.

I don't like it.

I want one.

Don't disrespect my friend.

Okay.

You're on our show.

I don't like that kind of thing.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, dude.

I'm sorry.

Well, I mean, come on.

Fahim Anwar is one of the best comics on planet or I believe.

He used to open for you?

He used to open for me.

And he is a sweet kid.

You could see his talent from just the first time you see him. Sounds like he's dying.
No, he's not dying, kid. He's not, man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does he have illness? Does he have illness? He's the sweetest kid.
The left side of his face is paralyzed. And we're just proud of the guy, you know? We are.
Well, that's cool. When I do a special someday, you guys, you give me this type of thing.
Maybe. We'll see.

I mean, look, if you kind of stay in your lane, that's what we like to say here on the

Stay in my lane.

Yeah.

Don't, don't, don't step on toes.

Again, let's not step on toes.

Yeah.

Their hierarchy, their respect, you know, that's what I, cause I'm so new to stand up, you

know, I'm only five years in and I don't realize that there is like, it's like the mob.

You got to pay your dues.

You got to kiss certain people.

Kiss the ring.

Yeah.

You can't, you can't like talk about certain people, certain way. They're secret cows.
It's like the mob. You got to pay your dues.
You got to kiss certain people. Kiss the ring.
Yeah, you can't talk about certain people a certain way. They're secret cows.
It's just rude. Yeah, it's rude.
It's rude. It's rude, yeah.
But in hip hop, you take shots at people, then you become fucking. Yeah, but were you ever a hip hop artist? No, I love it though.
You do? Yeah. Big fan of hip hop.
Who do you listen to? Right now, I mean Kanye. Oh, that's a tough one.
No good? Well, no, no. His talent is there.
I just think publicly he's having a tough time. Sure, sure.
But I mean, you could play his music to the most Jewish person, and he's still... Even with the curls and the yarmulke, you'd be fucking...
Wow. Yeah.
Yeezy's still comfy, you know? What'd you learn how to dance? Is that improvised? It's improvised. I'm glad you asked.
glad you asked i'm glad i did too yeah i just music come on and then i kind of black out like i go into a fugue state or something and and i'm not even dancing i'm a vessel for whatever the music is this is how you get laid typically typically no words just you know if we're at the club or a rave or something and the music come.

Yeah.

And after I'm done.

You know what?

I'll be honest.

I think I dance pretty good.

Maybe can you critique some of my moves? Sure, sure.

All right.

Oh, my God.

What is this?

So, let me, I would just do maybe some dancing.

Oh, get ready for the beat to drop, Bobby.

Oh, shit.

The drop before the drop.

Whoa!

Check his vitals, everybody. Oh, yeah.
Put it in the air. Holy shit.
Wow. One thing I will say.
What do you think? What do you guys think? He feels it. Not good? No, that was good.
No, I think it's very good. Also, what I like.
Be real. No.
I took a risk. No, it was a really good risk.
Curious. What were the sounds you making? My emotions.
That's pure emotion. I think the risk was cardiovascular.
It hurt. It actually hurt.
Yeah, I could tell. The emotion of pain.
Well, my body hurt. Lance, do you think you can upstage him? I mean, no, no, no, no, no.
Upstage, bad word. Yeah.
Because that was uniquely Bobby.

Thank you.

When you go to a club, not one other person will be doing that.

Right.

They should.

Well, if you open up a class and you want to impart that to other people.

Well, that was purely improvised.

Improvised, yeah.

I could tell.

Well, what song would you prefer to get down to?

Choose, do you have more royalty-free music?

He always, yeah, that's what he's, yeah.

Because I don't like popular stuff.

I'll see you next time. What song would you prefer to get down to? Choose Do you have more royalty free music?

Yeah, that's what he's Because I don't like popular stuff

Other than Kanye

Let's hear something else, let's see if it gets you down

This

Turn it up

That's pretty good

Yeah, crank it up

Do I stand?

Put the water down

It's part of it

Oh, it's building

Thank you. crank it up do i stand yeah yeah put the water down uh it's part of it oh shit turn it up oh shit oh shit oh that's for real Oh, no.
Are you? Oh, that's for real. Oh, that's how you...
Oh, shit. Oh.
Wow. Wow, dude.
Yes. Wow, in my face.
Wow. I'm horny.
Oh, shit. I magic mic you at the end.
You magic mic my mouth. Yeah, so, thank you.
That was incredible, dude. But yeah, you know, that wasn't prepared.
mine out. No, leave it.
Mine sucked. No, yours was good.
I was like, what the fuck? But you make cool noises. I thought it was really good.
You know, mine sucked, man. I didn't dance at all, dude.
No, you did. No, but to do all, you know what I mean? I love all that.
But what's great about yours, because like I was doing a lot of movement. I'm a disaster.
Nah, you're like. It's like a mask throwing up.
No, you're like knives in.

No, I'm a fool.

I'm a fool. You're knives in right now.

I thought it looked good.

It was good.

Compared to that?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Fool right now.

No, no, Bobby, Bobby.

What the fuck?

Bobby, hear difference.

I was moving around a lot.

Yeah.

But you had suspense.

Yes.

Oh, I see.

Stationary suspense.

So it's...

It's... It's the movement without movement.
right and that's important but i was okay because it's it's uh i was doing a lot right i was doing a little but a lot yes you're doing a lot little littleness you're doing a lot with a little yeah also if i do that at the club i get sweaty very fast yeah and then my chances of fucking fucking go down You're not going to be sweating as much Doing what you do But can I say something? I'll be real too When I was watching a dance, I could feel my pussy tighten Yeah, but you're not My market audience I'm saying that my pussy got real tight Did you or not? I think the whole market got tight Whatever your market is, that market got tight Yeah, I I was like a virgin. Oh, okay.
So that's good then. Yeah, it's a good thing.
Yeah. Okay.
For you. Because sometimes when Pussy get too tight, then it's like you don't want it so tight you can't get in.
Okay. Yeah, okay.
Anyway, yeah. Right.
Okay. I understand.
All right. Consent.
Consent. Not, you know, like.
We understand. No, no, no.
You know what I mean? We understand what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It goes without saying. It goes to consent.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I big consent.
I love it. No, no, no.
We know. We know.
Yeah. But when you say it so much.
Yeah. But I just like to reiterate that, yeah, I'm for that.
Yeah, it goes without saying. It's just move on.
Right. Yes.
Move on from me. Yes.
We agree. We agree agree to disagree Anyway, can I ask you a question? Yeah Do you dance? I don't Okay, yeah, I can tell that But I can try Yeah Please, I would love Because we both kind of bore our soul right here Yeah, I can Please, I would love You're going to stand or probably I just have to feel the music, I guess Oh, I guess, yeah,, yeah, yeah.
You go clubbing? Us sometime? Uh, maybe. Maybe.

Yeah.

So good.

Yeah. So good It's got ripped Yeah yeah yeah Yeah yeah yeah It's so good It's so good Oh my god it's less is more Right oh my god Oh that was so good So It's so good.
Oh, my God. It's less is more.
Right? Oh, my God. Oh, that was so...
Come on. Clapton.
So good. That is pretty good.
It's almost as if he didn't dance. I thought it was building up.
You moved people to tears. Moved him to tears.
I don't want to be... I'm a little embarrassed.
I just don't ever really dance much, but... Yeah.
It was interesting because it's like build up, but that it, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like you think it's building up to a drop.
No, no. Yeah.
Like you're all build up, which is great. That's great.
Yeah. Do you have any notes? I mean, I'm just trying.
There's no notes. No notes.
No notes. They're broke.
Okay. That was kind of angry at the beginning, kind of upset and hitting the table.
Yeah. It was almost like you got bad news in the morning.
Right. Or got told he had to stay late to work.
Your uncle Jack died. Right.
And you're just kind of like, whoa, my uncle Jack died. I've never danced in front of people.
I've just, that's the first time I've ever danced. You know, to be honest with you, I'm embarrassed about mine.
Why? No, yours is good, dude. No, mine was too much.
It was the opposite of his. I went all climax.
There was no buildup. But that's okay.
Sometimes you don't need foreplay. I mean, I wish I could learn how to do that style.
I got to be honest, that's unteachable, that kind of style. That's what I gathered.
Yeah. That'd be great if you do open up a class.
Dance class? Yeah, yeah. With a rolling chair and a desk and all these hot chicks are learning.
I mean, I would just have to have some business investors to get that kind of thing off the ground.

Do you have the time to do that even?

You seem kind of busy with stuff.

No, no, no, I have a lot of time.

I don't have much going on.

I think I got it.

Yeah, yeah, that's part of it.

That's similar to what you do.

I kind of want to learn too.

Yeah, let's learn it, learn it.

And then you do this a lot?

Just kind of to get me involved in the mode. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. No.
So that's too much. That's your signature move.
Yeah, my instinct. He just shoots like lightning bolt.
I try to do what you do, but I just, my instincts goes there. It was too much.
It was very, I think you're right. No, I like it.
I couldn't stay in that pocket. It's very thrilling.
It's a discipline. What you did was a discipline.
It's all I've ever known. That's all you need to know.
That's all I need to know. Yeah, that's all you need to know.
Stay deep in the mind. Wow, dude.
With that kind of stuff. Incredible, dude.
I really can't go further. Yeah.
It was amazing, dude. Thank you guys for sharing your dance with me.
Thank you, dude. Thank you, Len.
Yeah, oh my God. I feel like, you know, you came in here really hot, heavy, and I think the bonding is stronger after I knew you.
To be real, part of it, you know, I scare. You're scared of us.
I'm scared too. Well, you know, yeah, yeah.
You put on a bravado to protect you from being injured or hurt as a person. Anyway, Fahim Special.
Oh, yeah, you want to plug a special? Yeah, what's it called again? I have no idea. House Money.
House Money. Everybody watch Fahim's special, House Money.
It's on YouTube, February 28th, and it's going to be great. That's our boy.
He's our boy. And I want to thank Lance Castapolos for coming to the podcast.

Thank you so much.

We learned so much.

Yeah.

Can you say this to the camera, Lance?

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Oh, I would love to.

What camera do you want?

That one right in front of you that's facing you.

And what's my line?

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Look in there.

Yeah.

Do here.

Yeah.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Look in there, yeah.
Do here? Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend.

You know what?

Let me do...

That's pretty good.

I'll do the voice and you do that.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, so like repeat from...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ready?

One, two, three.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Let me try.

Ready?

One, two, three. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Let me try. Ready? One, two, three.
Thank you for being a bad friend, man. Let's try again.
Yeah, yeah. Go ahead.
Me again? Yeah. Thank you for being a bad friend, man.
You don't have to say man at the end. Can I do it again? Yeah, go ahead.
Thank you for being a bad friend. Wow.
Wow. Let me try one more.

Okay.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Good.

You do one.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

All right, I'll do one.

Ready?

Thank you for being a bad friend.

All right, that's good.

Now, one more.

Come on.