The Power of P Compels Bobby

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 It's back to the old days. It's the two.
You and I? I have some problems with you, my friend. I got some problems with you, my friend.
And my problems with you is I love you too much.

Speaker 2 I love you more than I could ever love anybody. It's getting scary.
You're in my dreams. You're in my thoughts.
You're in my prayers. You're in my daydreams.
You're in my mind. Look who came back.

Speaker 2 Pete, Johnny, whatever your name is. Pete is back on the show.
Let's give it up for Pete coming back to the show. Yeah, guys, man, so happy that Carlos is gone.

Speaker 2 And, Pete, you brought us monster-sized Slim Jim. Um, and this isn't a sponsor plug, he just brought us beef jerky sticks for some reason.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, as a present, because I miss you guys, and I've been in a long time. So, you want us to die fat? Where were you?

Speaker 2 Where were you?

Speaker 2 Bobby, has this been busy? Where were you?

Speaker 2 I'm sorry, man. Did you need me? You don't betray the family.
You don't leave the clan. You don't leave the war.

Speaker 2 Let's not call each other a clan. That's not good for me.
Yeah, it's not. I know.

Speaker 2 Last time I said that online, people got real upset. I'm not in the Klan.
I'm not in any clan.

Speaker 2 Stop tagging me. We're just in the clan.
We're in KK.

Speaker 2 We're in two K's. Yeah, only two K's, not three, dude.
We're just, we don't have the balls to get to the third. We're Klu Klan.

Speaker 2 We're not Klux.

Speaker 2 We're not Kluxing it right now, dude. You You and I aren't Kluxers.
I have never.

Speaker 2 I've never Klux anybody. I won't Klux.
But, Pete, where were you? Because let me say something.

Speaker 2 You know, in my heart, I have a list of names that's in my heart that lives in my family, which is in my heart. And I'm telling you,

Speaker 2 you're off the list now. I'm off the list? What happened? Sounds like it.

Speaker 2 But because it got to the point where I was like, I don't even remember who that guy is. And when I came into this building, I'm getting really sad right now and emotional.

Speaker 2 uh i go well who what is that fat guy going doing in here

Speaker 2 he's not fat

Speaker 2 where's that thick guy where's that thick guy go the thick guy actually pete looks in the best shape i think we've seen him in yeah you look great i think you should have bigger big bone you're big boned i i am okay lifting weights people don't have bigger bones

Speaker 2 they do

Speaker 2 they actually do

Speaker 2 You look good. I saw your Borderlands trailer.
Shout out to the Borderlands. Did you say that came out? Yeah, I watched it.
Well, just a little snippet.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It looks good.
It looks pretty good.

Speaker 2 I think the movie's going to be rad.

Speaker 2 I think you're going to be very surprised by the reception of Borderlands. Do you think so? I do.

Speaker 2 You know why? Why?

Speaker 2 How big is your character? There's nothing like this. You know, it's so funny that you do this.
Me? No, him. Oh.
It's so funny that you do this right now. At this time and in this age.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 The time of our lives, in this time of our lives when we're feeling joy and we're rejoicing in our own lives You have to put me down. Yeah, you do

Speaker 2 And you have to put me in that foxhole and you get get down in there you fucking rabbit I just saw Andrew in a movie and he's like a protagonist It's like so cool. Okay, he's comparing us.

Speaker 2 You know what? Here's the deal. I want to I want to say something to you fancy

Speaker 2 I saw you put up a picture of you with Matt Reif the other night, by the way. Last night.
And you did say I'm better looking. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think you might be better looking than Matt Rife. You know how many you're laughing right now, dude? You know how many people direct message me going, yeah, yeah, yeah? How many?

Speaker 2 Beautiful women, too.

Speaker 2 So it depends on the context and where you see us. No, no, no.
Beauty is subjective, is what you're trying to say. I don't know what that word means.
I know.

Speaker 2 There it is. Wow.
Drops. Eli Roth.
Eli Roth. Put out a film with Bobby Lee.
Who would have thought? One scene. Two.
No, but I have no lines in the other one. Yeah.
My friend Charles is in town.

Speaker 2 He's from England. Hello.
Hello.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hello.
Jolly Jolly old England.

Speaker 2 Exactly. But anyway, um.

Speaker 2 What are you cackling at, Doug? Jolly old England. Hello, dung, gun, bung.
Bing, bing, right-rolling San Francisco.

Speaker 2 Bing, bang, bad, bing, bang, bing, bada, bing, bang, bang. Welcome to London, England.

Speaker 2 Over here, we talk of lockstock and two smoking bar. We do things a little bit differently here in England.
Anyway, You know what we do differently?

Speaker 2 What do we do there? Liam?

Speaker 2 Liam, Liam. What do we do here? Yes, Charles.
Over here in England.

Speaker 2 We do everything wet. Anyway.
Everything. I think I'm losing my accent.

Speaker 2 I think mine's turning more Asian. Yeah, yours turns something for some reason.
Oh, his turn. We just go Asian.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 2 Everything wet.

Speaker 2 Anyway, have you been to Big Ben? Have you been to my bag? Have you seen the clock?

Speaker 2 Have you ridden on the gems? Anyway. Have you visited one of my pubs?

Speaker 2 You've got to go get a shepherd spy in a pub.

Speaker 2 Yours is just a dog. I know, I know.
It's a dog with

Speaker 2 syndrome or something. Well, no, it's in English from

Speaker 2 Essex.

Speaker 2 From Essex. It's a dog from Essex.
Oh, it is. Anyway,

Speaker 2 I don't even know what I was talking about, dude.

Speaker 2 Borderlands. Oh, yeah.
So Charles calls me and he goes, hello. I go, hello.
He goes, I'm in town from a couple weeks. And I go, well, well, let's go have dinner.
Well, come to the show.

Speaker 2 So he came to the show. We had dinner.
You met him.

Speaker 2 And then. You sure did.
And I'm sitting there, a beautiful bloke.

Speaker 2 Beautiful bloke. Just a thick, handsome.
Very delicious-looking dude.

Speaker 2 I was going to do an English dog.

Speaker 2 So,

Speaker 2 good-looking dude. I love black guys with British accents.
I know, dude. If you're black with a British accent,

Speaker 2 you get my panties all in a bunch, man. Dude,

Speaker 2 him, when I was in Budapest shooting it, I wouldn't have survived that dude. Because he was your boy? He was a guy that, you know, you guys were going out all the time.
Because, you know. Dinners.

Speaker 2 There's not a lot of guys that you can hang out on that movie, you know? Like, what are the guys that are in it? Kevin Hart?

Speaker 2 Saw him once. Who else? Well, I saw him when we were doing scenes.
Every once I would see him, like, because he was with like 10 guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's like, Jesus. He's like, Jesus.
So I had Burger King with Jamie Lee Curtis one day. What did she order?

Speaker 2 Oh, one of those. Because I was with Penn, too.
From Penn and Teller? Yeah. Penn Gillette.
Pen Gillette's in it. Man, was he doing magic the whole time? No.
Didn't do magic once?

Speaker 2 No, no, no magic, which sucks. Yeah, you're right.
Like, if you're hanging out with Paul McCarney, okay, give me a ding.

Speaker 2 Yeah, give me something. He had a lick once in a while.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Teller should have been involved. He'd have done magic the whole time.

Speaker 2 And then, well, I told you what happened at the river. Yeah, but tell me what Jamie Lee Curtis ordered at Burger King.

Speaker 2 I don't know if they have it here, but if they're they have an impossible burger. Yeah, I think they do have it here.
Yeah, so they got impossible burgers. Fucking boo.
Boo-boo, boo-boo.

Speaker 2 You want to taste some Budapest cows, don't you? That's where you. You're in Budapest, right? Yeah.
Do you want to taste Budapest? You didn't eat meat there, did you? Me? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I love the Budapest pitch. I love Budapest cows.
I love other animals. So what did you get?

Speaker 2 From Burger King? A hamburger. No, I think I tried to be impossible because they were saying it's like the real thing.
What do we talk? There it is. Look at this.
That's a Budapest cow. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you know what you can do with the horns?

Speaker 2 What can you do with the horns?

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Hello. Hello, hello.
Hello, hello.

Speaker 2 Have you ever seen a Budapest cow?

Speaker 2 They're delicious.

Speaker 2 Why am I? I don't know what it is about that British accent I'm doing, but I really, it's a guy I see in my mind. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what movie I saw the other day that like, I'm like, oh, this could be the greatest movie ever made. Sexy Beast.

Speaker 2 i've seen it so many times great movie right great movie and sir um

Speaker 2 ben kingsley is exceptional in that movie you know what you know what movie he's so good in that scares me and is so sad the house of sand and fog oh yeah i saw that too it's

Speaker 2 incredible so dark it's beautiful creating the dictator but anyway i have a couple scenes with him but my point is um

Speaker 2 yeah just a little plug here's the deal you are very hollywood i know the joke on this show is but you have so much more hollywood stuff than me way more did I do a show the other night with Adam Sandler, the Sandman?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Did he ask about you? No. Did he ask about you? No.
Did he ask about you? Yeah. He made a joke about you.
What'd he say?

Speaker 2 What's out of Bobby up to?

Speaker 2 That's a joke?

Speaker 2 Is that a joke? He said something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did he really, though? I don't think he did. Yeah, he did.
Why would he? Oh, you guys are doing it as good.

Speaker 2 There's a way he would have done that. Yeah.
Nice guy, though. What are we talking about? Oh, yeah, let's go back to.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, the people in the movie. So, Charles, I hung out with him all.
Without him,

Speaker 2 I would have been so bored. Him and I went to sushi together.
Him and I, you know, we'd do things together. But the whole time I was like, this guy's a very sexy black English guy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I really enjoy it. He is a very sexy dude.
What's his last name? Bring him a photo so the fans can swoon over him as well. Charles what? Barra.
In charge? Barra. Charles Barra? I forget Baracoto.

Speaker 2 Barley? Barrocotto Barakoto or Barra. Take the two.
Just go to my Piccadilly Square.

Speaker 2 Get off. Walk around for a little bit.

Speaker 2 No, no, that's not him.

Speaker 2 Was that some sort of English writer? That's him. Where? Fourth picture, fifth picture in.
Right there. That's him.
Yeah. Look at how good looking that fucking guy is.
Jesus Christ. He's Shakazulu.

Speaker 2 He's Shakazulu. That's right.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying that in a racist way, but like, no, they're doing a show. They did a Showtime show about Shaka Zulzulu, right? And he's Zulu.
Say it right. Otherwise, it does sound racist.
All right.

Speaker 2 So let me just get that over again. Yeah, go ahead.
So

Speaker 2 he didn't recall. Stop pointing at him.

Speaker 2 I don't know. More racist.
So anyway, he's doing a Showtime show called Shaka Zulu. Uh-huh.
This is the problem with biopics and stuff. Yeah.
Me and you. Morgan Freeman.

Speaker 2 Who the fuck could you and I play? That's the problem. Oh my God.
I could play Kim Jong-un. No.

Speaker 2 You don't look like him. Even with a lot of makeup, you don't have anything.
You don't have enough similarities to him. You just don't.
Watch him smile. Watch.

Speaker 2 He doesn't smile. So you're already.
There it is. Now.

Speaker 2 That's actually kind of close now that I see it again. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So I could do that.

Speaker 2 I could also do... Well, let me say this.

Speaker 2 If John Wayne can play him, I can play him. John Wayne did a great job.
Genghis Khan. Did a great job.

Speaker 2 But he looks like Genghis Khan.

Speaker 2 Put up John Wayne and Genghis Khan. I don't think you're right, dude.

Speaker 2 He looks exactly like him. Okay, so that dude looks like.

Speaker 2 Let's take a white dude on Halloween, dude. That doesn't look like,

Speaker 2 you know, he went to a really high-end look at that, dude. Trick or trade, Pelgram.

Speaker 2 There's just no way, dude. Now, see what, oh, yeah, go to this little thing with Genghis Khan on the little statue.
Yeah, right there. But there.

Speaker 2 He looks exactly.

Speaker 2 I see you do. He does look exactly.
He looks exactly

Speaker 2 like him, dude. Let me try to do that, though.

Speaker 2 That's pretty good.

Speaker 2 That's really good. Hello, hello.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I could play him. I'd like to have sex with all of you ladies.
You know what you call it? I'm going to school.

Speaker 2 Carrotop biopic. Fuck you.
That's so fucking annoying, dude. I knew you were going to go there.
Something simple.

Speaker 2 I love how angry you got. I just don't know a lot of red-headed people in history.
There's so many. Okay.
Annie.

Speaker 2 Little orphan Annie. I could play Ron Howard in his second in the second coming of his life.
Oh, Ron Howard, that's right.

Speaker 2 My bene or his daughter, Bryce Dallas Howard. I could play her.

Speaker 2 But you could play that too.

Speaker 2 I would absolutely love to do a male rendition of Annie with me with little curls and a dude. Absolutely love.
I wanted to do that too. I would love to do that, dude.
It's a hot. Imagine me and it.

Speaker 2 All the same people are about me. It's a hot knock life.

Speaker 2 Can't see her. Oh my God.
With your little Asian accent.

Speaker 1 It's a hot knack.

Speaker 2 life for us.

Speaker 1 It's a hardened life for us. Stay to treat it.

Speaker 2 And I fuck up the lyrics a little bit in the movie because that's what they would do. And you know who would be

Speaker 2 what was the old fucking? Daddy Warbucks. Yeah,

Speaker 2 you know who Daddy Warbucks would be? Fancy V.

Speaker 2 100%.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. You are bad little kids.
Come over here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Look at them.
Come here, Ranny. Give me the hug for the picture.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Come on, Annie, get close to Daddy Horbach.

Speaker 2 Especially because Daddy Horbach. Yeah, well, what about?

Speaker 2 Who's the who's the, what's her name?

Speaker 2 She was the orphanage lady.

Speaker 2 Miss Hannah. Yeah, Hannah.
Who plays Hannigan? George, that fucking nerd. Yeah, George Hannigan.
He would. And he does.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she sings a song, right? She hates a kid. See him all the time.

Speaker 2 Running around in cabinets. You know? So that.
Look at her. I think I would have loved that orphanage, I think.
You would have been. I think she would have had an attraction to me.

Speaker 2 You think. Because she gets drunk.
Look at how drunk she is. Miss Hannigan would have been all about the little Asian one.
Well, I'm the only male. Right.
Right. And you're Asian.
Tokana.

Speaker 2 Your name is Tokana. Yeah.
Tokana. Shishi.
Tokana Shishi.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And she's like, get over here, Chikana Shishi.
Right? Come sit on his Heriga's lap. Yeah, and then I would probably make her go,

Speaker 2 You

Speaker 2 like. No.
No. Don't do it.

Speaker 2 What? Don't do it. Do what? Don't do it.
I was going to say, you would like

Speaker 2 Asian gummy bears?

Speaker 2 And she's like, what are you talking about, right?

Speaker 2 Leachy favor. Okay.

Speaker 2 Right. And she's like, what? Let me try it.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then I'm going to go, equal amount. Uh-oh.
Okay. Uh-uh.
Why can't I do it? I'm the kid.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's a kid and an adult. Yeah, but she's Miss Hannigan.
It's a scenario. You're right.

Speaker 2 How is that a bad thing? Now, if I was Miss Hannigan, I was saying that to a little person.

Speaker 2 You know what it reminds me of? It reminds me of when they do those like porno ads for like Peter and Lois Griffin online. Have you ever seen that? Yeah.
Where they like anime porn them? It's insane.

Speaker 2 Pete's, you know, Pete's seen it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Chime. You know, when I was younger,

Speaker 2 I was terrible at banking. I was confused.
So bad.

Speaker 2 Overdraft charges. Yeah, I just didn't know how to handle my money.
I didn't know how to manage it. And also, no one was there to help.
But Chime understands that every dollar counts.

Speaker 2 That's why when you set up direct deposit through Chime, you get access to fee-free features like overdraft coverage, getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and much more, which definitely would have helped me when I was doing my PA jobs back in the day.

Speaker 2 Also, with qualifying direct deposits, you are eligible for free overdraft up to $200 or debit card purchases and cash withdrawal. You can learn more about it at chime.com slash bad friend.

Speaker 2 To date, Chime has spotted members over $30 billion, right? You need a little bit of help. You need a little money quicker than normal because something pops up.
It always does.

Speaker 2 You open up a check-in account. with zero monthly fees and no maintenance fees, and you got access to over 47,000 fee-free ATMs.
That's more than the top three national banks combined.

Speaker 2 All those ATMs are there for you to use and don't get clipped. You got to try Chime.
Work on your financial goals through QIIME today. Open an account in two minutes at chime.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 That's chime.com slash bad friends. Chime.
Feel like progress.

Speaker 4 Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services and debit card provided by the Bankor Bank NA or Stripe Bank NA, members FDIC.

Speaker 4 Spot me eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply. Timing depends on submission payment file.
Fees apply it out of network ATMs, bank ranking, and number of ATMs according to U.S.

Speaker 4 News and World Report 2023. Chime checking account required.

Speaker 2 Hydro. I got it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

Speaker 2 What is it? Hydro is your ultimate go-to for ultimate full-body workout.

Speaker 2 How ultimate is it? You may ask. It works 86% of your muscles, arms, legs, and core, twice as efficient as cycling or running.
Just 20 minutes, all it takes to feel the results. And this is true.

Speaker 2 I do it for 15 to 20 minutes in the morning, and I feel so good for the rest of the day. People have seen traditional old rowers.
The old ways are gone.

Speaker 2 Hydro's newest rower, the Hydro Arc, delivers such powerful results. GQ Magazine named it the best rower of 2025, and I agree.
You've convinced me I'm getting a hydro today. We should get you one.

Speaker 2 Head over to hydro.com and use code bad friends to save up to $600 off on a hydro rower during this holiday season. That's hydro.
H-Y-D-R-O-W dot com.

Speaker 2 Code, of course, is Bad Friends to save up to $600.

Speaker 2 Hydro.com, code is Bad Friends.

Speaker 2 Zock, Doc. Hey, Andrew, you know when you get cornered by that aunt at a family gathering and you feel like you have to bend the truth?

Speaker 2 You know, the one who's asking, like, when are you going to get married? I mean, already married. Yeah, yeah, I'm Susan.
Why are you asking me? How are you going to go to college?

Speaker 2 Well, because I'm stupid. And for her, it's not really about to listen.
It's not about listening or she's really there to judge you.

Speaker 2 While you have to grin and bear it with your family member, you shouldn't feel like that when you're talking about your doctor. That's right.
Right. That's right.
So enter Zock Doc. That's right.

Speaker 2 Because Zock Doc is a free app and a website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. Yeah.

Speaker 2 once you find the doc you want, you can book them immediately and no more waiting awkwardly on hold with a receptionist. Oh, God.
And these doctors, they have verified reviews, okay?

Speaker 2 It's not one of these like phony baloney, throw it up. I hate phony baloney, dude.
I don't like bots. I like real bologna.
Actual real patients.

Speaker 2 When I moved into the new neighborhood, I needed a doctor because I didn't get to use my doctor anymore because he was far, far away.

Speaker 2 And usually it takes forever to find a new doctor. But the typical wait time to see a doctor booked on ZocDoc is between 24 to 72 hours.
It's that fast.

Speaker 2 You can even score same-day appointments if you're lucky. Go to ZocDoc.com slash bad friends and download the ZocDoc app for free.
Then find and book top-rated doctors today.

Speaker 2 That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash bad friends, ZocDoc.com slash

Speaker 2 Shopify.

Speaker 2 You know a guy? Yeah. Can I call you guy? Yeah, you can call me guy.
You know, we have an online business. We use Shopify and it's the best.
Okay, Shopify, what is it?

Speaker 2 is the global commerce platform that helps you sell at every stage of your business. So basically, we sell our merch using Shopify.

Speaker 2 They help us get you, those shirts that you love so very much, the beanies, the hoodies, whatever we're pushing out, from the launcher online shop stage to the first real life store stage, all the way to the did we just hit a million order stage.

Speaker 2 Shopify is there to help you grow.

Speaker 2 I mean, whether you're selling scented soaps or offering outdoor outfits, Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system, wherever, and whatever you're selling, Shopify has got you covered.

Speaker 2 So we sell merch on this. You can sell whatever.
I don't care if it's something that you make from your home or if it's something that you're a big global platform.

Speaker 2 You're selling little tiny pieces of another machine. Shopify can help you do absolutely all that.
Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash bad friends, all lowercase.

Speaker 2 That's go to shopify.com slash bad friends now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in, shopify.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 I want to bring up something detrimental to our family today.

Speaker 2 It's an unfortunate event. Andreas assaulted someone in public the other day.
I heard about it.

Speaker 2 There was a fist fight at, where were you, Chipotle? Your new name is Andrea Zimmerman. Oh,

Speaker 2 and that line. That's your new name, dude.
So what happened?

Speaker 2 Explain what happened at Chipotle.

Speaker 3 These two ladies got into a fist fight just in front of me.

Speaker 2 What were they out of Barbacoa or something? What was going on over there?

Speaker 3 It was a DoorDash bigger lady.

Speaker 2 Sorry, what do you mean by that? I'm making fun of their heritage.

Speaker 3 What are you talking about? Like, like strong.

Speaker 2 What do you mean, strong? Black people are strong now, dude. I didn't even say.
How did you know they were black? Right.

Speaker 2 You just said he assaulted a black person. No, I said he just got he assaulted someone at Chipotle.
No, you said earlier, black. No, I didn't.
Is she black?

Speaker 3 I just, no, she was. Oh, shit.

Speaker 2 I don't know why that was in my head then. Oh, my God.
That's why I said Zimmerman. I know.
I know. What's going on? It was not a black person.

Speaker 3 She was Mexican.

Speaker 2 And you assaulted a Mexican? I didn't assault anyone.

Speaker 3 I would just stop a fist fight, and I just got punched in the face by Shannon.

Speaker 2 He tried to break up two girls in a fist fight, and one of them knocked the glasses off his little bitch-ass head.

Speaker 2 How funny is that? Oh, my God. Some Latino chicks smoked this fucking...
She could tell you were Spanish. I saw Frichie Poto afterwards.
You did? Yes. Wow.
Yeah, why did I think it was black?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I have no idea, man.

Speaker 2 I need help. I need help.
I'm not a type of person. Yeah, he wouldn't do that.
Yeah, yeah. So, and you got punched, and then did she say sorry? No.

Speaker 2 He was trying to stop the fight, and they were like, get the fuck out of here. Was it two Mexicans? Give me the description here.

Speaker 3 The other one was black.

Speaker 2 Not the one he hit. But there we go, though.
Yeah, I know. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And who won the fight, really? The black one. I think

Speaker 2 it was pretty even. It was even.
Oh, really?

Speaker 3 Yeah, the black one was 19, which is crazy.

Speaker 2 How do you know? She said how old she was? Yeah, she said, I'm 19.

Speaker 2 How did that come out?

Speaker 3 Because the other one was like a grown-ass woman, you know, and she was just beating on this 19-year-old.

Speaker 2 And the 19-year-old girl said, I'm 19. Yeah, I'm 19.
Wow. Were they arguing? They're both postmates drivers?

Speaker 3 No, one was a worker at Chipotle.

Speaker 2 And the other one was a postmate driver. Oh, wait, what? You didn't say that? So a woman that worked at Chipotle?

Speaker 3 Yeah, she was just cleaning the...

Speaker 2 Let me guess. The Mexican worked at Pochipotle? No.
Wow, the tables have turned.

Speaker 2 Whoa, the drama.

Speaker 3 This girl is just cleaning the, you know, the glass. And then this postmates person like goes.

Speaker 2 It's like Bridgerton, you know what what I mean? You're like,

Speaker 2 you know, it is like the white people, oh, the white people aren't gonna play this movie, you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so yeah, it is kind of nice to see there was a black girl, a Mexican girl, and a Spanish guy, no whites involved in this crime, right? Finally, yeah, I feel good about this.

Speaker 3 So, wait, she's cleaning the glass, the other person, like, you know, just walks and like hits her.

Speaker 2 She just hit her, yeah, all right,

Speaker 2 and then there was a lot of like flirt.

Speaker 2 That's interesting, dude. Wait a minute,

Speaker 2 She just punched her and started calling her the N-word for no reason.

Speaker 3 So she brushed against her. The other guy said, hey, excuse me.
And then she went berserk.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 3 Punching and scratching.

Speaker 2 Who said the N-word? The black girl or the Mexican girl? The black girl called the Mexican girl the N-word. Yes.
Oh, that's kind of... Oh, wow.
Balance. A little balance.

Speaker 2 No, this is the equality that we wanted.

Speaker 2 Yeah. This is equity and inclusion.
Everyone gets to be a racial slur. Were there other people around? Yes.
Okay, so I'm going to say something where you fucked up. Oh.
Okay.

Speaker 2 No one else stopped it, by the way. No one else.

Speaker 2 Do you know why they didn't stop it? I'm not getting in the middle of that fight. No.
They want to watch it. I know.
It's a free fight. A free fight.
You don't stop a free fight.

Speaker 2 Here at Pay-Per-View at Chipotle, we're watching two girls go at it. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, never again. So you don't stop a...
What? What, Pete? Any of them hot? No. No, they.
Pete.

Speaker 2 Pervert Pete sliding in. Sliding in, dude.
Yeah, were any of them hot? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, was it... Did you happen to jerk off to it later, Andres?

Speaker 2 I don't know what's relevant. Don't you love street fights? I love it, but let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 Hot women rarely are fighting. And if they are, it's not at a Chipotle.
Yeah. Okay.
It's like Coachella or something. Yeah, exactly.
They're fighting over VIP wristbands.

Speaker 2 Okay, okay. My boyfriend's back there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I sucked his dick first.
Yeah, when I was a kid. Look, we can all suck Wiz Khalifa's dick.

Speaker 2 Just get in line.

Speaker 2 And when do they stop playing? When Post Malone gets on stage.

Speaker 2 That's when they stop fighting.

Speaker 2 Have you been to Coachola? Coachella? I went to

Speaker 2 it. Yeah, I got it.
Have you ever been to Coachella? Very good. Thank you.
I went to like the fourth, whatever. It was early on, years and years and years ago when I worked in the music industry.

Speaker 2 And I was doing desk work, and they got us tickets and backstage. They got us VIP.

Speaker 2 Who was playing him? Remember?

Speaker 2 I love him. He's good.
What the fuck?

Speaker 2 He's good. Yeah.
I mean, Seconds album was the best. It was probably the best album he's ever made.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Who was playing? Who was playing? Who was playing? Who was playing? I want to say the closing night was the Killers. Oh, wow.
I love that. I think so.
I think that's right. Do the Killers Coachella.

Speaker 2 I think that's who it was. I've had one nightmare experience.
What, at a Coachella? Yeah. I didn't actually go inside.
What year was that? What? What year was this?

Speaker 2 It was probably three or four years,

Speaker 2 right before the pandemic. Click on the image of the the Coachella image.

Speaker 2 Do you remember when I did this? Can I just tell you what I okay? 2009?

Speaker 2 2009. That sounds about right.
So Kalila

Speaker 2 goes, can you get us Coachella? Because I know CAA reps

Speaker 2 people from the festival and they have connections. So I called CAA, is there anyone you guys are getting connections backstage?

Speaker 2 And Matt was just like, I mean, you're going to have to pay some.

Speaker 2 We'll get you a deal, but we don't just give out free. You know what I mean yeah they do

Speaker 2 they absolutely do they do a hundred percent so i paid for no reason uh yep okay so anyway you're bobby lee i know they can't get bobby lee a couple of fucking tickets yeah but no but they wanted backstage vip everything i think there was a who do you think they give those to brad beat bobby brad beat's not fucking going over there yeah he's not going over there he's too busy they give them to guys like bobby lee sea list celebrities that's exactly who vip

Speaker 2 i know that's

Speaker 2 and when he says that dude and when he says that, there's no shame on my part. That's who we are.
We're C. We're C-list celebrities.
God damn it. That's who VIP tickets are for.

Speaker 2 B listers don't want them because they're a little above it. And A-listers, that's.
It's me, Andrew, Vern Troyer, the little guy from Webster. You know what I mean? And we're all back there, dude.

Speaker 2 Me and you and little people. That's all it is.
Little people. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 So anyway,

Speaker 2 I pay the thousands of dollars, right?

Speaker 2 And then the day Claudia makes some phone calls and she goes, because I'm not going. And she comes to me and she goes, you have to go.

Speaker 2 Your name is on the thing or whatever? Your name is at the will call, and they won't give it to you. I go, you think I'm going to drive two hours, three hours into the desert? At least with traffic.

Speaker 2 With traffic. And they're, please?

Speaker 2 So now I'm on the fucking 10

Speaker 2 driving. I drove all the way over there, went to the will call, got the tickets, drove back.
Dude, the power of pussy compels you.

Speaker 2 Is that in the Lord of the Rings? They should put that in. It is.

Speaker 2 I think it's in the Bible. I think it's in Corinthians.
Isn't Corinthians? Power of pussy compels you.

Speaker 2 The power of pussy.

Speaker 2 It does compel you. You drove to the desert.
If I was bleeding out, right? No, no, no, no desert. You're dead.
Yeah. See? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There it is.

Speaker 2 I don't even hear their scenario. You're dead.
The power of pussy

Speaker 2 compels you. The power of pussy compels you.

Speaker 2 It's amazing. Oh, the things I've done.
Drive to the desert to turn around and drive back.

Speaker 2 Well, it was also

Speaker 2 money compelled me because I'm like, oh, I'll lose all the money that I paid. Like, if it was free.
You don't care. It was more about that process.
You're right. Yeah.
Cut it out.

Speaker 2 The things I've done for it, it's like, I'll get, like, as a kid, remember I begged my mom because this guy, Art Kimball, was wearing Drokar. Drakar Noir.
Yeah. And I smelled him.

Speaker 2 He bullied me, that guy. Yeah.
Anyway, I'd go.

Speaker 2 Where is he now? I have no idea. Yeah, exactly.

Speaker 2 Thank you. We took care of it.

Speaker 2 He's dead.

Speaker 2 He died. He died.
I remember going, Mom, can we get your car? She's like, Bobby, you don't, you smarter fight. You know what I mean? But I went and got it anyway.
Right.

Speaker 2 And then two years later, because I know ladies like it, mommy, can I get cool water? Cool water, David Off. Right, David Off, right? I went and got cool water.
You wear a little curve for men.

Speaker 2 Do you ever work? Yes, every time a new one came out. Yeah.
And then even my 20, I was 25, I would call my mom, Mommy,

Speaker 2 could I get whatever I might be? Abercrombie Woods, I used to wear that. Wow.
Polo. I wore Polo Sport.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then it got funky, the smells. Like, you know, Masantel 33.
Yeah. You don't like it? Santal, yeah.
What did you start wearing, fancy? What did the kids wear in Spain?

Speaker 3 I think polo was a big one.

Speaker 2 Polo? Yeah. Yeah, polo.

Speaker 2 But that's because you're rich. Is that why? Do rich kids wear polo over there? No, I don't.
What do the poor kids wear over there?

Speaker 2 Dirt?

Speaker 2 Nothing. Essence? Yeah.
Pete, what did you smell like as a guy? Cool water. You're a cool waterman.
Waterman, huh? What do you wear now, Pete? Nothing. Yeah, you have children.

Speaker 2 If anyone wants to give me a gift, get me Golden Goose, the tennis shoes I like, has a smell called Venice, and they're always sold out of it. It smells so good.
Get me a bottle.

Speaker 2 Well, I'll tell you what, we tried to buy you yesterday, but it's sold out, and I'm fucking pissed about it. I tried really hard.
You know, I know what it is. What?

Speaker 2 No. The Apple glasses? No, they're available.
Damn it. Fuck.
No, we can get them. I know.
We tried to buy you the Trump shoes. I tried super hard.
I actually went offline and tried to get them.

Speaker 2 The gold ones? I was thinking about getting one. I wanted you to get them.
They're sold out. They're fucking.
I think they'd be worth something later.

Speaker 2 They're worth something now. I know, no, but I did like it.
$45, my guy. Look at that.

Speaker 2 Trump promotes $400 sneakers after

Speaker 2 $450 million penalty and fraud case.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, you got to make it back somehow. And did it

Speaker 2 sold out? Well, he only made 1,000 thousand pairs of the gold ones. And then the other ones are now.
Go to TrumpSneakers.com, I think, is what the website is or whatever. Can you get me some? I tried.

Speaker 2 Oh, size 9. I'm trying to get you some Trump sneakers.
If any fans out there have the plug for

Speaker 2 the T-Sneaks, we're looking for them big time, dude. Get Trump sneakers or something like that is the Get Trump sneakers or some shit.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's just... They're so cool looking.
Even those digital cars he was selling a couple years ago. I was like, I should have got some of those.
I know. What are we thinking? Look at that.

Speaker 2 Sold out. Official President Trump sneakers.

Speaker 2 Sold the fuck out, man. Damn, dude.
Damn, dude. Was it 400 times 1,000? It's not a lot of money.
Not a lot of money. For him, I mean, it's just.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're called never surrender high tops.

Speaker 2 Wow. So dope.
So dope, dude. Somebody called them Insurrection 11s.
That's another.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Insurrection 11.
Those are pretty dope, dude. Yeah, they look like Air Jordan 1s.
They look like the ones. Wow.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 I mean, honestly, dude,

Speaker 2 this guy,

Speaker 2 you can hate him. You can hate him.
You can hate him. You can hate him.
I don't. You can hate him.
You hate him? I don't hate him. I don't know him.
I don't know him either.

Speaker 2 So how can you hate him? People hate him, but

Speaker 2 those are great shoes. Yeah.
Those are great shoes, man. So

Speaker 2 I don't hate him as much. What do you mean?

Speaker 2 There was a time in my life where I wanted him dead. Why? Not dead, but it just bothered me, you know? Right.
And then you realize that's a bad way to think about people. Yeah, about people.
And then,

Speaker 2 but in the last couple of years, I've grown to kind of like,

Speaker 2 you have to, okay, so

Speaker 2 I know, I know, I know.

Speaker 2 Like,

Speaker 2 so you ask your question, why do people like him? And then when you dive into why, that's just the,

Speaker 2 and then you kind of, you can latch on to some of those ideas and and then change your perception a little bit.

Speaker 2 I don't want to get into it because I don't want to get canceled, but you know. Well, you're not going to, you can have, you're allowed to have an opinion.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he doesn't, you know,

Speaker 2 Biden doesn't really.

Speaker 2 I like him too.

Speaker 2 You know, I like him too. Didn't believe that for a second.
Yeah, yeah, I like him too. Hey, but a marriage, married, married.
You know what I did this morning?

Speaker 2 Dead on.

Speaker 2 Oh, man.

Speaker 2 You know, Trump wants to come on our show.

Speaker 2 Show them the clip. Do we have that clip?

Speaker 2 I can send it. Wake, send it to Pete.

Speaker 2 Honest question. Trump actually said he'd come on our show.
We have a clip of it. Do you have it, Andres? I have it.
But for real, let me ask you something. And give me the real answer.

Speaker 2 If you wanted to,

Speaker 2 you would do it. What? Would I have Trump on our podcast?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Do I want a billion-dollar deal from somebody? I want to be Joe Rogan and get $250 million deal.
Yeah, because Joe didn't get Trump yet, right?

Speaker 2 I don't think he's been on the show. But look at this.

Speaker 5 I think he's funny,

Speaker 5 a very funny Chinaman. And I know funny people say I am one of the funniest, but he's funny too.
And if they ask me, I would do their podcast show, Bad Friends, I think it's called, Why Not?

Speaker 2 Wow. Look at that.

Speaker 2 Funny Chinaman. You can call me Chinaman.
Yeah, you better believe you can.

Speaker 2 Of course, I'd have him on the show. You know how much fun we would have with that guy on the show? I'm going to throw you some names.
Say yes or no? Sure. O.J.
Simpson. Of course.

Speaker 2 You would. Of course.
I mean, I would make sure we remove Rudy's knives from the studio.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right. I stumbled on that joke, but I got it.
That was pretty good. That was really good joke.
Thank you. Who else? So,

Speaker 2 O.J., Bill Cosby.

Speaker 2 I don't think so. There's a lot of open beverages in the studio.

Speaker 2 Well, I wouldn't drink anything. I wouldn't.
No, I don't think I'd want him on. Yeah, I wouldn't.
Oh, you wouldn't want him on? He's so fucking creepy. He's creepy.
He creeps the fuck out of me.

Speaker 2 I'm just throwing names out. Woody Allen.

Speaker 2 I don't know, dude. You do look like a little Asian girl.
I'm a little scared of that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's more of a threat for me.

Speaker 2 No, I know. I'll just say, I'll just put the pigtails and be sony.

Speaker 2 I think I would spread my little legs open. You'd love it.

Speaker 2 We cut a hole in the desk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just staring and drooling at your legs. So, so, no Woody, no, no, OJ.
Kevin Spacey.

Speaker 2 No, yes to OJ. Oh, yes, OJ.
I think think I said no to everybody. O.J., no Woody, no Bill.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I said no to everybody except Trump so far. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Can I just throw some words? Who did you just say? What? Who did you just say?

Speaker 2 Spacey. Who?

Speaker 2 Kevin Spacey. Kevin Spacey.

Speaker 2 Great actor. Oh, you would.
No, shit. You know shit.
You wouldn't say that. No, shit, dude.
Say that, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I think the only reason I would

Speaker 2 be hesitant towards it is because of the amount of young men in here like McCone that are on the show. Oh, right, right.
You know what I mean? Yeah. This kind of feels like a bar.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? There's drinks in my office, and Spacey sees McCone and his little haircut. Oh, right.
Well, okay, yeah. He's like, young man,

Speaker 2 help me get mic'd up for the show.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, I see. And McConnell's like, no, the microphones are actually on the desk.
We don't do chat. He's like, I'd like a lavalier mic.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Why don't you tape one to my chest, young man?

Speaker 2 Putin.

Speaker 2 No, because I don't want to pay for a translator. Oh, that's right.
You know, we got to have some other guy who's not really. That's my biggest beef with someone foreign would be tough.

Speaker 2 What if they're fucking lying?

Speaker 2 Oh, through their language. Don't you see that all the time in the translator says something? And I'm like, that's probably not.
No, we, no, no.

Speaker 2 We get our own translator. Oh, that's cool.
Right. So then

Speaker 2 he's lying. Wait, what is the accent? He's dressed by Russian.
You know what our translator is going to be? He's lying. No, we'll get our translators.
That's English. What?

Speaker 2 We'll get our English translator. Yeah.
Yeah, he says lying through his teeth.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, that Putin's lying through his teeth.
Interesting.

Speaker 2 But all of those I mentioned would

Speaker 2 be interesting. It would blow our shit up, though.
But in a bad way. You know who we want on the show is Gypsy Rose.

Speaker 2 So I went to my. Didn't we ask to get her on the show and she said no? It fucking sucks.
And I said that. I said it on.

Speaker 2 I direct messaged her on Instagram. Fucking ghosted me.
Wow. But she said, did she leave you on scene? Or she didn't even.
She didn't even look at it. Damn.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I want Gypsy Rose, man.

Speaker 2 What's that called again? What's it called when you do that to somebody? When you capture that what her mother did was called

Speaker 2 Munchhausen. Munchhausen.
Munchhausen, Munchhausen. Munchhausen syndrome.
That's what Eminem claimed he had with his mother, right? Wow. Isn't that true? Remember that? You used to talk about that?

Speaker 2 In that photo.

Speaker 2 She looks like she could be related to you.

Speaker 2 I know, but she looks a little hot.

Speaker 2 She looks a little hot? Yeah, in that photo. Well, it's okay to say that she's an of-age adult, right? How old is Gypsy Rose?

Speaker 2 You're saying it like it's not allowed to be said or something. No, I didn't know it.
Isn't she 30?

Speaker 2 She's a grown-up. I know.
Yeah, so what's

Speaker 2 well, why'd you whisper it? Why are you embarrassed about it? Because, you know,

Speaker 2 when you saw the documentary, you would never dream, would you, that like, well, when she grows up,

Speaker 2 well, because they shave her head and all that shit and give her those glasses. Yeah, I mean, she looks, you know,

Speaker 2 not.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get in trouble.

Speaker 2 Let's move on. But

Speaker 2 I know what you're saying.

Speaker 2 She grew up. She looks like a grown-up now.

Speaker 2 Why can't we say that? She looks hot. Well, it's not.
You're allowed to say she looks hot now. She's 32-year-old.
She's a fucking woman. I know.
You can say she looks good.

Speaker 2 I'll need another photo because that one I don't trust.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, she's already married, right? Isn't that her husband, that guy in the blue, the big blue shirt? Oh, really?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Wait, she married that guy?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he's got Munchhausen syndrome.

Speaker 2 He has it too? It's a cyclical thing. It's a different.
She married into it. She, well, yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
He's got Munchhausen's syndrome.

Speaker 2 Oh, Munch can.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 What's that? Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom, nom. Yeah.
He's a foodie.

Speaker 2 That's a fun. That's a joke.

Speaker 2 Munch. I got it now.
Jesus.

Speaker 2 How? The whole fucking studio got it. I know.
I don't know why,

Speaker 2 but I just got the joke. I know.
Very funny. I thank you.
Yeah, yeah. I'm trying.
Why did it take me so long to get that joke?

Speaker 2 Robin Hood. Did you know that even if you have a 401k for retirement, you can still have an IRA?

Speaker 2 Oh, Robinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. But get this.

Speaker 2 Now, through April 30th, Robinhood is even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. That's right.
No cap on the 3% match.

Speaker 2 Robinhood Gold gets you the most for your retirement thanks to their IRA. With a 3% match, this offer is good through April 30th.
Get started at Robinhood.com/slash boost. Subscription fees apply.

Speaker 2 And now for some legal info. Claim as of Q1 2024 validated by Radius Global Market Research.
Investing involves risk, including loss. Limitations apply to IRAs and 401ks.

Speaker 2 3% match requires Robinhood Gold for one year from the date of first first 3% match. Must keep Robinhood IRA for five years.
The 3% matching on transfers is subject to specific terms and conditions.

Speaker 2 Robinhood IRA available to U.S. customers in good standing.
Robinhood Financial LLC member SIPC is a registered broker-dealer. Liquid Death! Liquid Death is my favorite water.
I love it. Wow.

Speaker 2 It is actually just delicious water. And it comes in these tall boy cans, which I love so very much.
I've been drinking this jazz for so long. I'm happy that they're a sponsor.

Speaker 2 Mango is my favorite flavor. It keeps sending that mango to me, baby.
but they also have sparkling. They have still.

Speaker 2 They have this armless Palmer. This is iced tea and agave with vitamins.
My favorite is the water-flavored water. You like the water-flavored water? It's the best kind.

Speaker 2 I also like it because there's a very, very, very, very low amount of sugar in some of the flavored ones, and it's a great alternative to drinking Soda Pop.

Speaker 2 You can get free shipping at Liquid Death's Mountain Water, flavored sparkling, and iced tea eight packs with Amazon Prime, or grab a can or a case at your local 7-Eleven Target Walmart Whole Foods or on Instacart.

Speaker 2 Go to liquiddeath.com slash bad friends to check out all their healthy, infinitely recyclable beverages and find your closest retailer.

Speaker 2 That's liquiddeath.com slash bad friends. Liquiddeath.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 Something about today is,

Speaker 2 you know what it is? I know what it is. I know what it is.
The rain fucked up your sleep last night, didn't it? Yeah, it was too much. I know.
Was that too much last night? 100%.

Speaker 2 You know why? I have this fear because everyone doesn't, people that don't know at home, the roofs here in Los Angeles are made of paper-mâché. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Fucking, I'm afraid they're going to fall in because they're not made well. The first year that we moved into this fucking shitty house, our roof leaked.

Speaker 2 The first fucking year we moved in, the fucking living room collapsed. Wow.
Yeah, it sucked, dude. It was like...

Speaker 2 But here's what I get that you don't get.

Speaker 2 Nuts.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not a big fan of nuts. No, no, no.
What do you mean? I have these trees. Oh, you at sheds.
Yeah. With these gigantic, I don't know what they are.
Big, beautiful nuts. Nuts, right?

Speaker 2 Brown nuts. Big, beautiful nuts.
Oh, black nuts. Nuts.
So this tree is like, I'm going to shed all these big, black nuts. Yeah, yo.
It raining.

Speaker 2 Hey, it raining, dog. Big, beautiful black nuts fall on your roof.
So not only do I get the hard rain, but I get

Speaker 2 like this kind of, right?

Speaker 2 And it just, it's, it's. Does it fuck with the animals? Yeah, it does.

Speaker 2 Yeah, my dog hates when hate falls from, we have a tree above our house and when it sheds, she's always like, what the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 Like a branch will just hit the roof, and then she sneaks under the bed, and she's bummed the rest of the day. And I had a flooding, remember I spent like $10,000 on getting

Speaker 2 the upper hardwooden floors because of the balcony. I have a gigantic balcony, and it's, and it flooded

Speaker 2 into my fucking thing, right? So every five hours I go out there and to see if it's like, because I've cleared the filter,

Speaker 2 the drainage I mean, but it's like, I just get paranoid because I don't want to spend that much money. I don't know.
It's insane. Any kind of flooding with hardwooden floors is a nightmare.

Speaker 2 Probably with rugs as well. You're also in the hills, so you could slide down.
I think about you all the time.

Speaker 2 What if your house starts to slide? I'm not on the hills, man. Come on.

Speaker 2 When you say that, it makes me feel like, huh.

Speaker 2 What? I'm on the hills, man. You're in the hills.
You're a hills guy. I'm a fucking guy.

Speaker 2 I'm in the flats. You're in the hills.

Speaker 2 But you're 52. I'm 40.
You're more successful than me. I belong down with the people.
You're so much more successful. And you're a buck.
The other day, we were at the comedy store.

Speaker 2 do you remember that whole court of people went andrew and they hugged you and i walked by

Speaker 2 that was their that was no that was her cousin and and no that's what reality is reality is you're a beetle i just see this and you're a beach boy it no

Speaker 2 you're brian wilson

Speaker 2 no i'm and i'm ringo

Speaker 2 okay that makes perfect sense yeah ringo's still more famous no huh he's more famous ringo than brian wilson yeah if you saw brian Wilson walking a street and a Ringo star, would you be able to.

Speaker 2 I'd go up to Brian Wilson. Yeah, but most people don't know what Brian Wilson looks like.
They know what Ringo looks like. Yeah, but that's only because of the publication.
But Brian Wilson.

Speaker 2 That's not, it's tit for cat. I don't know what we're doing right now.
Look at him. Yeah.
Can you imagine that guy laid in bed for how many years was it? He just laid in a bed. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Remember when he was like, had agoraphobia or whatever? Couldn't leave that? He's still alive, right? You know, I don't know. This is what's bad about this show because we're going to talk about it.

Speaker 2 He's going to die in a month. Oh, that's right.
We do this all the fucking time. And I hope, how old is he? 81 years old.
He's 81.

Speaker 2 Still alive. Fuck.
What? It's close. We're going to do it.

Speaker 2 We're going to do it. I guarantee you he's going to pass soon.
We just did it. Fuck.
Whenever we do that. How many months, though? Let's make a bet.
All right. Let's make a bet.
I'm going to go.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go three.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Why are we doing this? I don't want him to pass away.
I don't want him to. August.
August. Okay.
I get August. In August, he's gone.
And God bless you. What a talented man.

Speaker 2 Let's just do a fucking

Speaker 2 death poll. No, a death pact is when we both do it, right?

Speaker 2 We got to get rid of this voodoo. Well, you know what we should do is you know.
We got to do a seance right now. You know what Paulie's trying to get me to do his ayahuasca with him?

Speaker 2 Paulie's doing big ayahuasca trips now.

Speaker 2 Bro, last night, he comes up to me.

Speaker 2 Paulie. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He goes, dude, I just did the ayahuasca. I was like, all right, right, right.

Speaker 2 And then he started taking his hands and twisting my nipples and he wouldn't let go that's what they do after ayahuasca so that's what happens it's one of those effects that's how you that's how you really tune into go

Speaker 2 all right they twist your titties and they hurt so bad oh yeah he doesn't assault you huh he gives me big tight hugs Oh, he does? But I'm also bigger than you guys. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's hard for you, a littler guy, hard to assault a bigger guy. But since he was raised with Asians.
Yeah, he was. Raised by Asians.
By Asians, whenever he sees me, he gets so excited.

Speaker 2 And I have this like flight or fight kind of response. But I let him do it.
It's so funny to hear you say that. What? Fight or fright.

Speaker 2 Because it's almost like a perfect non-Asian phrase. Almost fright or fright.

Speaker 2 What is it? Sorry? Fight or fright. Almost fight or fright.

Speaker 2 Did I say it that way? It's like you own a haunted house. Fight or fright.
Come in tonight for fright or fright.

Speaker 2 Really? You're going to be scared or get in a fist fight?

Speaker 2 Fist fight. I'm going to be broken.
You are on today, dude.

Speaker 2 You know what? You're on an accent kick today, dude. I don't know why.
Yeah, you're on a rhythm, dude. You know why? The rain rings out my accents.
That's amazing. Also, this morning on the radio,

Speaker 2 I heard a preview for some guy's new show. That's where the British thing came from.
And it sounded so funny. It made me laugh.
He's a gold serious friend. It was so thick.
It just made me laugh.

Speaker 2 So it got in my mind. Mao.
Once it sinks in, Mao, did you say Mao?

Speaker 2 I said, Mao. You mad.

Speaker 2 What is it? Wow. I said, wow.
You said Mao.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
Do they say that over there? Do they say Mao instead of Wow? Mao. Oh, Mao.
And then some guy comes out of the hut. Me?

Speaker 2 Not you, Mao.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I don't know. I thought I said wow, but.
That's okay. Yeah, I think you're really into things with me.
Like, I think I said fight or fright pretty good. But you're like, fuck or fright.

Speaker 2 It's right, right?

Speaker 2 Fight or flight. Flight or fight.
Oh, fight or fright. Oh, that's why.
Yeah, dude. Fight or flight.
I'm not making fun of you. Oh, you are.
I fucked it up. Yes.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 2 I am Asian.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. You're right.
I said, fight or fright. It's supposed to be flight.
Flight. Yeah, but I mistake.
All right, you're right. Oh, fuck.
And maybe I did say Mao.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. Oh, I gotta wear this.
Oh, my God. I gotta wear this.
I think this is what might be. I need beanies.
Which is interesting

Speaker 2 that you messed up fight or flight because you always flight. You never fight.
You hate confrontation. You much rather flight.
I've been sitting up. I know.
I've been setting boundaries.

Speaker 2 Tell me a boundary you've made recently. I just, you know, when people used to come talk to me in a certain way, you know, and I usually absorb it.
Like, you know.

Speaker 2 People that we know, friends of ours? Yeah, comics and stuff. You know what I mean? I go, hey, man, I don't like when people talk to me like that.
Oh, I like this.

Speaker 2 Like, people are disrespecting you as well. Yeah.
Like, who's disrespected you recently?

Speaker 2 You.

Speaker 2 First of all, I'm your best friend. I know, but I did.
It's different. I tried to set a boundary with you.
We have boundaries. We have very,

Speaker 2 I don't want to bring up anything, but I'm just saying that I said something and I remember saying it going, I'm glad I said it. What did you say? No, I don't want to get it out of that.

Speaker 2 What did you say?

Speaker 2 I don't want.

Speaker 2 You're the one that's...

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 2 You're the one. This is a trick, dude.
What did you say? All right. Let's.
All right. So

Speaker 2 sometimes when you make fun of Tiger Belly, it makes me mad a little bit. Okay.
So I go, hey, come on, man. Don't talk about that like that.
Okay. And then you kind of went, okay.
And I respect that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And I, and I don't, and I.
And then you did it like two times after that, but, but, but, and I'll never do it again, but my point is that. That's comedian instinct.

Speaker 2 The instinct, right, right. Because you know how my heart, where my heart lies.
Yeah, I know. First of all, let's clear the air.
Yeah. I have a hard time telling you anything.

Speaker 2 You know how much I love. Wait, about what? About tiger belly stuff? No, just in general, like I don't want to like...
You call me every day. I know we do.
I know.

Speaker 2 No, can I just, let's just get this out of the way then, all right? Why are you laughing, okay? Let's do it. All right.

Speaker 2 It's because I love you so much and because I love this podcast and I love what we have going here. Yeah.
That a lot of times I

Speaker 2 go, I shouldn't say that because I don't want to get in a fight or this and that. So I absorb it because I don't want to ruffle any feathers.

Speaker 2 I want... it to be smooth.
But you can tell. And I feel like Simon and Garfunkel, there was one point where they got in a fight and all of a sudden it was over, right? And

Speaker 2 you and I never fight in that way. But I'm just saying that,

Speaker 2 you know, I get a little bit more

Speaker 2 scared when it comes to any kind of confrontation with you.

Speaker 2 I said it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you can tell me anything. I know, I can tell.
And I've never not been supportive of you. In our whole friendship.

Speaker 2 Ditto. But so I'm saying.
That's not what I'm saying. So what is it that you can?

Speaker 2 Ditto. That's not what I'm saying.
And tiger belly stuff is a crux of it, big time.

Speaker 2 It's not even that. You do it as a joke, but it's like sometimes I just feel like that's fine.
I don't even, and you haven't done it since then, and it's fine. And you know how much I love Kalila.

Speaker 2 I understand that. I just don't like

Speaker 2 me. I just hate Gilbert.
I know. Gilbert sucks.
I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
But I mean, there's just, you know what I mean? Jesus. But with you is the hardest

Speaker 2 because I don't want to ruffle any feathers. But when I said that, I was just like, I'm glad I said that.
And I'm glad you said what you were saying. Right.

Speaker 2 So what I'm saying is that, but in the world, comedy world, and also I'm not as scared to say things to people. Like, you know.

Speaker 2 Lately, you've been letting go up. Well, like the Matt Rife thing last night.
What happened? You left. Yeah.
You did a show. Yeah.
And then it went up, Liza. Then Matt Reif comes in, right?

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 somebody was trying to get Matt Rife to go up before me. To bump you.
To bump me, me, which is fine. But

Speaker 2 I remember saying, no, like, yeah, I think Josh Adam Myers goes, Hey, dude. Yeah, yeah.
Matt Rife's kind of good. No, he goes, I'm not going to do that to you.
Yeah. Right.
And I go, okay, thank you.

Speaker 2 But then when Matt was there, I was just like, you know, I walk up to Matt and I go, you want to go up before me? He goes, I mean, I have another spot. I go, okay, go ahead.

Speaker 2 When that happens, it's fine. It's my decision.
I mean, sometimes when you're at a club and they go,

Speaker 2 yo,

Speaker 2 T. Williams, I just made up a name, wants to go before you.
And he's going to go up before you. And they tell you what's going to happen.
I don't like that. Right.

Speaker 2 So now I can go, no, I can go, no, or I can go make my own decision. I'll decide.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Did Matt was on the lineup? Was he on the line? He was on the lineup, no. So he was a pop-in.
Yeah. And then he also had another spot? Yeah.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Don't do it.

Speaker 2 He doesn't get to do it? No, here's the deal. Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is an incorrect move. Oh, my God.
Comedy is chess. This is a bad move.
It's not a bad move. What are you talking about? I love that.
It doesn't matter. Here's why.

Speaker 2 I like the kid too. It doesn't matter.
My point I'm making is if you had another spot,

Speaker 2 then you don't do a

Speaker 2 slide into

Speaker 2 another show if you have another time constraint. I think he lied.
Oh, well, that's even worse. Because in my head, I'm like, what spot do you have? It's 11 at night.
Well, then that's even worse.

Speaker 2 But I don't know. I don't know.

Speaker 2 No, so then what we're saying is that's even worse. Then you should say, I'll go whenever.
You've never done that. I've lied.
I've said to people, oh, no, I got two spots. I got to go up right now.

Speaker 2 I've never lied about having another spot. If I'm bumping in on a show, I'm not even.
I've never bumped in on a show. So case in point, this is literally the point I'm making.

Speaker 2 If you're going to bump in on a show, you can't have another engagement. That doesn't make sense.
You slide in on a spot like Chappelle does it.

Speaker 2 All right. Listen,

Speaker 2 I'm doing a learning lesson for people. I'm a learner.
You're learning. Right.
I'm a learner, dude. You and I just don't bump.
We don't slide. In fact, how guilty did I feel the other night?

Speaker 2 There was miscommunication on the show that we were both on. You literally said, you're not.
Oh, that was bullshit what you did. What was bullshit?

Speaker 2 That's another boundary I want to set. Here we go, right? Boundary time.
Okay. Oh, don't do this.
No, what's the boundary? Don't you raise your voice. Fuck you.
You raise your voice.

Speaker 3 Now he's scared. Now he cannot put the boundary up.

Speaker 2 No, I'm going to put the boundary down, man. See, he's up.
What you did was sabotage. How did I sabotage? Don't do that with your little eyes your little chicago italian

Speaker 2 let's not go let's not talk about little fucking eyes here

Speaker 2 all right all right you know but you do this little thing hey yeah yeah grass house

Speaker 2 don't throw stones in the grass house all right fight a fright fight of fright okay so

Speaker 2 so friday night you were on the lineup and i had to cancel stop let me can i tell it's

Speaker 2 You know, I hate when you do that too. When you roll your eyes.
Because you're talking about it like you know. You didn't know what happened.
You were there.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, Friday night, go ahead. I just roll my eyes too.

Speaker 2 It's hard to see it with my head. It's harder to see when you do it.
Yeah, so um

Speaker 2 fuck you, dude. Let me say something, okay?

Speaker 2 I'm fine with your sabotage and your little antics. Oh, right.
Oh my god, dude.

Speaker 2 I just said I love you immensely. I didn't sabotage anything.
I'm fine with it, dude. I had to cancel on Friday.
What happened?

Speaker 2 Let me tell the story, man. You tell my story.
All right, so Friday, I'm at the comedy store. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I go, oh, Andrew's going to be here. This is great.
And then somebody came up to me as Andrew canceled Friday night. Friday night.
Yeah, Friday night. I don't care what the excuse is.

Speaker 2 You have every right to,

Speaker 2 even if you didn't feel like doing it, you have every right to cancel. Okay.
Okay.

Speaker 2 So Saturday night, you're not on the lineup. All right.
You only canceled Friday night. Yeah, they canceled Saturday on accident.

Speaker 2 They don't do that. They did.
Okay, anyway. If you want proof of it, I'll call Emily right now.
No, no, no, stop. Do you want me to call her? No, don't.
Yeah, because you'll be wrong.

Speaker 2 so they did it let me call emily go ahead

Speaker 2 it was an accident she thought i was canceling both spots but she can't but i was only supposed to cancel friday yeah yeah anyway but okay even if you're not now late they took you off the lineup which they did they did was that an end yeah how would i know exactly yeah but how do you know what time you had What do you mean?

Speaker 2 You went up before me. Oh, this is exactly how I know.
Yeah. Because the booker said, I slid in Moz in your spot because you weren't there.
I thought you weren't there. So, boom, boom.
Fuck you.

Speaker 2 Fuck you.

Speaker 2 How's that boundary?

Speaker 2 I always get this random number from

Speaker 2 Rhode Island. Can we pick it up? Pick it up.
Pick it up. Pick it up.
Pick it up. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hello.

Speaker 2 Hello?

Speaker 2 Robert?

Speaker 2 Who?

Speaker 2 Oh, yes. Hi, Robert.
Actually, this is Lee.

Speaker 2 And this call will be super quick because it may not apply to you. What the fuck is it? We're calling you.

Speaker 2 Hello, Robert. Can you hear me? Yeah, fuck.

Speaker 2 That's how you do it. That's how you handle it.

Speaker 2 For everybody at home, that's how you handle one of those calls. You act belligerent.

Speaker 2 You don't do that? That was so good.

Speaker 2 Yeah, fuck. Come fuck.
I never picked it up. Yeah, you gotta come fuck.
Yeah, fuck. And he just hung up scared.
Robert? Yeah. Yeah, fuck.
Yeah. Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Speaker 2 Anyway, Emily. And that'll teach him a lesson.
Yeah. No, don't call her.
She'll panic. She will? Yeah, dude.
She'll freak out. She slid in Moz for me.

Speaker 2 And then I got there and I was like, oh,

Speaker 2 I have a guest here.

Speaker 2 I had two guests to see me. My buddy Jake Lacey, phenomenal actor, who was in town doing the People's Choice Awards,

Speaker 2 who did I'm Dying Appear with me,

Speaker 2 who was up for an Emmy for fucking White Lotus, who's on a new amazing film. And then Mark Rebier came to see both of us.

Speaker 2 Okay. And Mark.

Speaker 2 Can I say something? What you did? Yeah. I'm glad you brought this up because now it's bringing me another thing.
What did I do?

Speaker 2 After your set, you took all those guys out of the room.

Speaker 2 They weren't there. What are you talking about? When I got off stage, all your fancy friends were not in their seats and they had not seen my set.

Speaker 2 What do I have to do with that?

Speaker 2 After your set, this is what I believe you did.

Speaker 2 Let's go out in the patio and party. Oh, you know me.
I'm a big patio party guy. No, but let's go talk or something.
I go home every time after my set. I leave.

Speaker 2 Interesting because when I went to the parking lot, you were still there. With whom? Polly.
Yeah, he cornered me.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 This is our lives.

Speaker 2 This is what we think about it.

Speaker 2 We have nothing better to do. You know what I mean? All right, can I give you something? Go ahead.
Let's move on. All right.
I got dry needled this morning.

Speaker 2 i it's revolutionized my life pins in your back i'm gonna do it all the time now pins in your back pins in my butt and my back in my glute and my back dry needling i think i'm gonna do this all the fucking time it feels great amazing here's what they do they put the needle in there yeah then he moves it around until your muscles your muscle like retracts and twitches yeah because it's releasing and then he lets it sit sometimes i go to the guy and he puts on you uv light on it kind of like extract some of the shit yeah and i got to tell you

Speaker 2 you guys, ancient Chinese medicine,

Speaker 2 so good. The best.
It's amazing. It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 2 Is there ancient Korean medicine, by the way? Why people giggling?

Speaker 2 What's going on? Surprise.

Speaker 2 Who is it?

Speaker 2 Who's the surprise?

Speaker 2 Oh!

Speaker 2 Well, well, well. Well, well, well.
Someone doesn't look fatter than usual. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Est? Mom. Is your mom here? Your mom's here? Mom.
Mom. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I love your mom. Come down, sweetie.

Speaker 2 Is your mom here for the premiere? Yeah. Oh, wow.
Hi, mom. Come on in.

Speaker 2 Hi, mom. Come on in.
Ladies and gentlemen, Esther and her mom. They're here.
I love your mom.

Speaker 2 Put on the headphones. Mom, have you been here this whole time? This is the last time I saw you?

Speaker 1 No. No, I went home for five days.

Speaker 2 And you came back.

Speaker 1 She had to go get my dad because he can't travel by himself.

Speaker 2 Why is that? Because he's 80. Oh.

Speaker 1 And he's a liar.

Speaker 2 Oh. And he lies to the TSA.
He's like, I do have a bomb in my backpack.

Speaker 2 Are you excited about tonight's premiere?

Speaker 1 I am not.

Speaker 1 Why? Are you being serious? No, it's just because you know when your parents are there and it's like embarrassing?

Speaker 2 No, because Bobby and I, our parents don't support us. So

Speaker 2 you don't have to wear them if you don't want to, but it's nice for sound. Maybe you can hear how you sound in there and you can judge your own voice.

Speaker 2 Oh, I probably won't like how I sound. Well, you sound amazing.
Like Judy Dench.

Speaker 2 First of all, it's dame Judy Dench.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you have to say that.

Speaker 1 No, but we, so my mom was here two weeks ago.

Speaker 1 Can you pull your shirt up?

Speaker 2 You're pulling it down. I'd rather it be up if you don't mind.

Speaker 1 She was here two weeks ago, and we have like all these security cameras at our house to monitor my dad, like entering and leaving.

Speaker 1 And we caught him in a lie about going to a casino. And so she had to fly back to get him and bring him.

Speaker 2 Is this in Chicago? Do you go to Rivers? Where do you go?

Speaker 1 He's banned. He's banned from Rivers.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Why, why, why, why, why is he banned? Why is he banned? He's banned from Rivers Casino.

Speaker 1 He self-banned himself.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 he didn't do anything inappropriate and they kicked him out.

Speaker 1 So he had to drive to Pottawatomie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you got to go to Pottawa.

Speaker 2 Do you know it?

Speaker 2 What do you mean? We're from Chicago. Yes.
What are you talking about? So you went to Padawatomami. Potawatomy.
Yeah, yeah. Which, by the way,

Speaker 2 don't. No?

Speaker 2 I can't. Do what? Well, I was going to make a joke about,

Speaker 2 you know, a little Pottawatomie. and you know,

Speaker 2 the show you did.

Speaker 2 Oh, reservation dogs?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 What's a joke?

Speaker 2 Tell the joke. Don't tell the joke.
You said no.

Speaker 2 Anyway, he's banned. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, you know,

Speaker 2 you know Baby Gap, the clothes at Baby Gap? Yeah. It's actually for the babies, not you.
You know, you're not supposed to actually wear just because you have a baby.

Speaker 1 This is a skims, okay?

Speaker 2 Oh, is that Kim Kardashian? Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 1 Also, you guys have been having my literal, my closest friend on your show.

Speaker 2 Who? What?

Speaker 1 Greg is like one of my closest friends of the comedy store.

Speaker 2 First of all, he's never mentioned that. Also, he's never mentioned him.
Also, he's not your closest friend.

Speaker 2 He's our closest friend. We've asked the goop.
First of all, his name is the goop. The goop, yeah.
And we've asked the goop multiple times who his closest homies are in the game. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And you didn't come up once. Have you gone to see Wicked with him once? No, but.
Have you gone to an Adele concert with him?

Speaker 1 You know that he's taking me to Madonna. He's the only person I've ever had common interests with at the comedy store.
Like, every time I see him, he just

Speaker 1 he and I have so we talk about Casey Musgraves, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus. Like, he's my closest friend in comedy.

Speaker 2 Okay. I mean, I don't buy it, but I don't buy it either.
I've never seen you guys together. Sounds like it's very interesting, you know.
And you know, I could play the same game.

Speaker 2 Brad Pitt's my closest friend.

Speaker 2 That's actually not funny. That is true.
That is true. Yeah, they've been hanging out a lot.
Yeah, we have similarities. You were in seven.
Yeah, Taekwondo. We love Taekwondo.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And we love Grease. The musical.
The movie? Oh, the musical. Yeah, yeah.
I was going to say, and

Speaker 2 actual grease for the car. Love grease.
Yeah. So let me say something to you.
How do you feel about the billboards around town? I think. With your face on it.
Your tongue, your face.

Speaker 2 Let's ask your mom. I don't want to hear from her anymore.

Speaker 2 How do you feel about seeing your daughter around town on billboards? Is that amazing?

Speaker 1 Well, I haven't actually seen one, but I've seen the pictures.

Speaker 2 Let's make it a Chris Pretend.

Speaker 2 Pretend like a bunch of people. Look at the billboard.

Speaker 1 Oh, my gosh. Yeah, that's amazing.
It's amazing.

Speaker 2 By the way, just above sunset liquor. Look at that.

Speaker 2 You can't get better placement than that, baby. Can I ask you a question? Why did they put

Speaker 2 zoom in on that photo?

Speaker 1 Yeah, how did you get all those sprinkles on your tongue? It's actually not

Speaker 2 and they go toward the center of the poster.

Speaker 2 Go down.

Speaker 2 Why is my name in yellow?

Speaker 1 I had nothing to do with that.

Speaker 1 I don't make these decisions. Okay.
Oh, every other name. Why was white won't?

Speaker 2 I understand.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but Bill Burr is white. They could have put in yellow in reverse.
Anyway,

Speaker 2 it's a great poster. And you know what's nice about it? It's your face.

Speaker 1 It is not my tongue, though.

Speaker 2 No, but what I'm saying is it looks like you. It's weird when I see posters for films or television shows and it's like, that's not that.

Speaker 2 They've airbrushed it so much or they've done, where you're like, that's not the person that I know. Oh, so this is your face.
That's nice.

Speaker 1 That's a really good compliment that it looks like me still. It is you.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? What's not you about that? They didn't,

Speaker 2 you're just wearing makeup. They didn't do anything to you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Did Did they do stuff and I just did they photoshop you?

Speaker 2 Yeah, did they photoshop you?

Speaker 1 They have to Photoshop everyone like a little bit.

Speaker 2 Well, they can't look like you. You know what I mean? They can't be you.
She didn't get all your genes, huh?

Speaker 2 What are you talking about? Well, I mean, the smile. Beautiful.

Speaker 2 Her mother, yes. Yeah, she's stunning.
Your mom. Thank you.
It's kind of a bummer. Yeah.

Speaker 2 She took it after her dad. Yeah.
Oh, really? So, what does the dad look like?

Speaker 1 The Jewish man. Okay.

Speaker 2 I see.

Speaker 2 I see. Apparently, the apple does fall pretty far away from the tree at times.

Speaker 2 So have you seen the movie yet, Esther? I have.

Speaker 1 Well, I was involved in editing and stuff. I haven't watched it.
I'm going to watch it tonight, though, at the premiere.

Speaker 2 I'm not. No, I'm going, but I'm not watching it.
Really?

Speaker 1 I'm leaving. I actually was considering that too, because it is a little stressful to be in a room full of.

Speaker 2 The move is to leave. I'm leaving.
I left the last bunch of premieres.

Speaker 2 My agent was with me last time, and he was like, after we say hi, just go inside and then we leave. And I was like, is that a thing? He's like, yeah, what do you mean? We'll go get sushi.
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 He's like, you don't want the anxiety of being in the room. I was like, I don't.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is. It does feel

Speaker 2 scary. And if you're comfortable with that feeling of being in that room, you're a lunatic.

Speaker 1 This is validating me right now so much. Thank you.
No, it's

Speaker 2 the man Chinese. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is the man Chinese?

Speaker 2 Man's Chinese. Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 What did I say?

Speaker 2 Is the man Chinese? Is the man Chinese? Yeah, yeah. Ask me a guy question.
It's the man Chinese.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it is. Answer it.
Okay, it is. So it's a big theater, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, it's a decent theater.

Speaker 2 My fear is that it's going to be half full. No, shut up, Bobby.
Because when I did...

Speaker 1 But even if it is, that doesn't scare me.

Speaker 2 Well, who cares? Yeah. No, because when I did, I went to the Get Out premiere there.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.
All right. Anyway.
Well, why are you doing that? Why are you pitting this against Get Out?

Speaker 2 Both of them are directed by strong black men. That's right.

Speaker 2 Nicholas is black, his butt.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You're obsessed with his butt.

Speaker 2 I know. I'm obsessed with Nicholas Gustin's butt.
He brings it up a lot. Have you seen his butt before? No.

Speaker 2 Wait, wait, wait. In what world would I see his butt? If you see it, it's unbelievable.
It's so puffy. He's got a nice tush.
Like Brazilian. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. So, how long are you in Los Angeles for?

Speaker 1 We actually leave tomorrow morning.

Speaker 2 So dad is here, but where is he? In the hotel?

Speaker 1 He's at my house.

Speaker 1 He didn't want to come to any of the things that we had going on except the premiere.

Speaker 2 Oh, cool. What else did you do today?

Speaker 1 Oh, I had a doctor's appointment, and then I got there, and

Speaker 1 the doctor had to leave. So I didn't see my doctor.

Speaker 2 That's like his movie premiere is when you get into his office.

Speaker 2 He's like, I can't stay around for this. I got to get out of here.
I don't want to go through with this shit.

Speaker 1 She had an emergency delivery.

Speaker 2 Someone was sliding out.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And is everything okay with your belly?

Speaker 2 I don't know how you say it.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I don't. It doesn't feel good.

Speaker 2 That sounded right. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Is it a boy? It's a girl.

Speaker 1 Why is that your guess?

Speaker 2 Because you kind of have masculine energy. So I feel like it's...
No, it's a girl. And I think we said that you talked about the name, but you said you wouldn't tell Bobby.
No. I remember that.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What's the name? No, she said she wouldn't tell me.

Speaker 1 I can't say that. Tell me the name.
No, Dave said I can't.

Speaker 2 To me. No.
Specifically. Yeah.
Dave King said specifically, I can't know. That's what he said tell me the name

Speaker 2 i'm sorry mom tell me the name right now i'm kind of listening i've known you for 20 fucking years tell me the fucking name

Speaker 2 sorry mom

Speaker 2 the only person who knows the name is my mom and she hates it and how about this we'll really hate you really hate the name seriously we'll bleep it out oh wow we'll bleep it out say it cover your mouth and say it yeah i'm sorry she told me oh really oh no

Speaker 2 you hate it because it's a f is it no

Speaker 2 you don't like it.

Speaker 1 Be honest. Yeah.
It's not my first choice.

Speaker 2 I think it's one of those like Levi or something.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. I wish it was.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Esther, please tell us and we'll bleep it out of Parliament.

Speaker 1 If you promise to bleep it out of the car,

Speaker 1 I will tell you guys. And you can't tell anyone.

Speaker 2 This is amazing. Amazing.

Speaker 2 Hold on. There's only one person in the room we can't trust.
McCone, go outside.

Speaker 2 Macone's got to go outside because you know he'll tell somebody. He's a yapper.
Get out there. Get out there.
Nick, make sure the door closes because he's a yapper.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. By the way, hi, Pete.
I know your wife is pregnant.

Speaker 2 How beautiful, Pete. Congrats.

Speaker 1 How many weeks is she?

Speaker 2 I can't believe I just kicked that guy out. Six months.
Oh, my God. Yeah, get him.
Let him in here. It's okay.

Speaker 2 I was just kidding. Give me the name.
Give me the name. Okay.

Speaker 2 Cover your mouth, though. Oh, okay.
You just chose for the camera so they can't see. Because you have to believe.
Go ahead. What is it?

Speaker 1 You have to believe it.

Speaker 2 Yes. And we all have to have an honest reaction.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. And just know that most people don't like it, so I'm okay.

Speaker 2 Stop setting it it up. Just do it.
Most people hate it. Just do it.

Speaker 1 Okay, so it's a girl. That's important.

Speaker 2 Close your eyes. Everyone, close your eyes, hands up.

Speaker 1 It's important to remember it's a girl. Got it.
And the last name is very integral to the storyline here.

Speaker 2 Wait a minute. Your last name? No.
King. King.
King. Right, got it.

Speaker 1 That's very important. Got it.
Got it.

Speaker 2 Can we guess? No, just let her do it.

Speaker 1 Okay, the baby's name is.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait, hold on. Let's guess.

Speaker 2 Bobby? King. Because the king is crown.
Crown king. Crown king.

Speaker 2 Crown the Burger. Crown the king.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, burger king. Could be named Burger.
Yeah, yeah. Crown Royal King.
Oh, very good. Oh, wow.

Speaker 2 She might need to fill in this chair sometime. Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's better than Rudy.

Speaker 2 Nat Cole.

Speaker 2 Oh, Natco King. That's wrong, but

Speaker 2 Natco King. Dr.
Martin Luther. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The kid's name Dr. Martin Luther.
Yeah. Do you guys have a guess? What do you guess, Pete? Come on, Pete.
What do you think? Something king.

Speaker 2 Rat king. Is it Theo Vaughn?

Speaker 2 Tiger. Tiger King.
Tiger. Good.
Good.

Speaker 1 I also want to say that Dave

Speaker 1 was the first one who pitched it and has since gone back on it, but I'm like heels in the ground.

Speaker 2 So you're all in no matter what. Yeah.
Wow. Okay, go ahead.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 he pitched it for a boy.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. Wow.

Speaker 2 All right, eyes closed. Hands up.
Hands up. Eyes closed.
All right. Hear it naturally.
React naturally. Cover your mouth.
Cover your mouth. Okay, go ahead.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 King. Oh.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought everyone's.

Speaker 2 Look at me. Hey, look at me.
I'm absorbing it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you like it or not.

Speaker 2 It's really bad.

Speaker 2 It's embarrassing. Not just embarrassing.
I've never heard anyone. In my dad.

Speaker 2 Why would you do that to that poor kid?

Speaker 2 We love it. We love it.
That's a great name. Oh my God.
My God. Original.

Speaker 2 Wait, so you don't like it? I actually, I got to tell you, I'm not pandering. I kind of like it.

Speaker 1 It's so cool.

Speaker 2 I think it's cool. I think it's pretty cool, I guess.
And it's cute.

Speaker 1 Did you guess?

Speaker 2 No, it's cool because I've never, imagine meeting a woman. I'm not going to say the name again.
No. But meeting a woman with that name.
With that name. I'd be like, oh.
But the only thing.

Speaker 2 Are you a sniper?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. The only thing is that it's a really kind of a weird name for like the child of me and Dave.

Speaker 2 What would you want to be called? Anxiety?

Speaker 1 She's just going to be very, I think, you know, Jewish and

Speaker 1 small.

Speaker 2 So what would you want her to be named then? What would be a better Jewish name? It's

Speaker 1 a gender-neutral name,

Speaker 1 but I think in school, everybody's going to assume it's a boy.

Speaker 1 You know, anywhere she goes, they're going to think it's a boy.

Speaker 2 You told me the name a while ago was going to be Schmaltz.

Speaker 2 That's what she said. Schmaltz King.
Schmaltz. Schmaltz King.

Speaker 2 And honestly, at some point, could open up a restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Schmaltz King sounds like a great spot.

Speaker 1 I just, I've been Esther Pavitsky my whole life, and so I'm overconfident.

Speaker 2 To be fair, mom. To be fair.
You did screw up on that.

Speaker 1 Oh, that was not my choice. Oh, that was dad's.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Esther was...
Oh, yeah. The guy that got banned from Rivers got to pick this.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
I had no choice. I I picked out the middle name.
Actually, I wanted her middle name to be her first.

Speaker 2 What's her middle name?

Speaker 1 Lauren.

Speaker 2 That's beautiful. Beautiful.
You know what? You kind of look like a Lauren. Yeah.
I mean, well, every Jewish girl from that poem. Yeah.
Every Jewish girl growing up.

Speaker 2 You're the only one I know named that Esther. Yeah.
Well, for this century, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, this century. For the past hundred years.
You know what? I like that name.

Speaker 1 I'm down with it. I didn't when I was a bit.
She hated it at first. Yeah, I did.
And then I envisioned when she grew up that she would go by E. Lauren.
which is weirder.

Speaker 2 Or just Lauren. Most people just do the middle name.
You could have gone by like Bessie or

Speaker 1 what are other names? Oh, my husband had an aunt Bessie.

Speaker 2 Bessie, right. Your husband's got a...
What was your maiden name before Pavitsky? Oh, no.

Speaker 2 You know, is that illegal to put out to the world? Yeah. Because I want to know how much better that was, too.
Because then you got this man who's got shitty name taste and weird last name.

Speaker 2 It was pretty bad. Yeah.
You double it out. You could do better.

Speaker 1 I'll say it if you don't, if you bleep it out.

Speaker 2 I will bleep it out.

Speaker 2 Cover your mouth, mom. Cover your mouth.
What is it?

Speaker 1 That's not that bad.

Speaker 2 No, that's kind of cool. Pretty cool.

Speaker 2 He'll bleep it out.

Speaker 2 So she could have been Lauren.

Speaker 2 That sounds actually red. That looks pretty cool too.

Speaker 1 It's very mid. It's like more.
Midwest. Yeah, it's very not Jewish.
Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 yeah, I mean, once I see your face.

Speaker 2 Mom, Mom, when Esther years ago said, I want to do comedy, how did you feel? Be honest.

Speaker 1 I was shocked, to be honest with you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. We are too.
We're still shocked. Yeah, we're pretty.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It boggles my mind. It boggles my mind.

Speaker 1 We thought she'd be a dancer because she's been dancing ever since she was five.

Speaker 2 Wow. She actually does.

Speaker 2 I do know this. We've talked about this because my wife was a dancer as well.
And Esther shares some of the same fluidity. Fluidity? Well, you're coordinated.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Do you know Andrew's wife, Esther? Yeah. So you guys talked about dancing before? I believe we did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And also, you guys used to be building mates, remember? You guys lived in the same building. Which one?

Speaker 2 11-11 North Dearborn. Yeah.
You used to live on. Really? Yes.
What floor?

Speaker 1 17th floor.

Speaker 2 We were above you.

Speaker 1 Did you guys get it for like, were you in on the discount?

Speaker 2 We had,

Speaker 2 we were. It was low-income housing.
Yeah, it was. Yeah.
Yeah, that's how we lived there because of that. Because my mom.

Speaker 2 My mom was a single mother, so we got, we registered for low-income housing. Right.
That's how

Speaker 2 at 11-11. That's so wild.

Speaker 1 Now, where'd you go to school?

Speaker 2 LaSalle. Oh, okay.
Yeah, I went to LaSalle. Yeah.
Do you know that? LaSalle Language Academy, right? It's not too far away. Yeah.
Yeah. And then Moody.
I went to Moody.

Speaker 1 So did my daughter.

Speaker 2 And they removed me from Moody. Yeah.
They literally kicked me out.

Speaker 1 Yeah. She went the first year of preschool and then they had all-day kindergarten.

Speaker 2 That's wild. Yeah.
So you sent your kid to a Catholic. That's like a hardcore Catholic school, too.

Speaker 1 See, I like that. Yeah, Yeah, but I was a working mother, so I hadn't, you know,

Speaker 1 there was my sister wasn't Jewish.

Speaker 2 Oh, I really wish I met her.

Speaker 2 Insane. My sister wasn't Jewish.

Speaker 2 And then you met Astro's dad. How did you guys meet? At work.
Oh, wow. Where'd you work at the time?

Speaker 2 Can you say it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Cook County Treasurer's Office.

Speaker 2 Cook County, baby. Treasury's office.
Was it instant love or would it take some time?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 We were co-workers. And, you know, I'd worked there for a a couple of years and, you know, we saw each other and then one day we went to lunch and then that was it.

Speaker 2 Wow. So did he pursue you and you were okay with it right away? It's not one of those old stories from your generation where it's like, couldn't stand the guy and then he kept bugging you.

Speaker 2 No, not at all. Okay, good.
Not at all.

Speaker 1 But you had a stalker.

Speaker 2 Ooh, tell us.

Speaker 2 Everybody loves a good stalker story. Yeah.

Speaker 1 She had like a guy

Speaker 1 who was stalking her. That's why she so at her job,

Speaker 1 my parents met working government jobs, which is so cute.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 this guy

Speaker 1 kept coming to her to find her, and he broke into the building where you guys lived.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 1 And so then they had to move her into the underground floor.

Speaker 2 You lived in the garage.

Speaker 1 No, like,

Speaker 2 in the Cook County Treasurer's Office.

Speaker 1 And then my dad also got moved to the basement because he was disobeying his boss.

Speaker 2 I knew it was going to be the basement.

Speaker 1 It actually was the first floor. Right.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But you could tell

Speaker 2 he did something bad. They were like, you go down there.
yeah.

Speaker 1 And so that's kind of that's such a cute story.

Speaker 2 Come on, it's no, it is really cute. I love that story.

Speaker 2 It's not like art these days, it's not like I was swiping on an app, taking a shit at a Starbucks,

Speaker 2 fell in love. I think when you meet like that, too, it lasts.
Well, it has been. Look at this.
Yeah, yeah. I want to meet somebody where

Speaker 2 what is it, 37? Yeah, wow. Wow.
Well, because, right, because Esther's 46.

Speaker 2 Because when your mom met your stepdad, Jeff,

Speaker 2 right? It lasted. And they met in similar circumstances.

Speaker 2 Well, my mom met my dad.

Speaker 2 My mom worked for the property management company that managed a lot of those buildings.

Speaker 2 And she showed my dad an apartment. I think it was at...
Wow. I think it was at...

Speaker 2 It was on LaSalle, but showed him in the

Speaker 1 other one. It was the same owner.

Speaker 1 I was between Dearborn and LaSalle. Right.

Speaker 2 And I think she showed him an apartment there. And then he asked her out on a date.
Wow. I think that's how they met through that whole thing.

Speaker 2 It's amazing that you two from that region of the country came to L.A. and carved out a career.
That's a testament to many things, but your resilience. Subsidized housing.
Subsidized housing.

Speaker 2 But also the talent. I think it's amazing because I've been out there, you know.

Speaker 2 It's harder probably, because I grew up in San Diego. So it's a two-hour drive from L.A.
It's not that big of a... This was a big leap.
It's a big leap and a scary leap.

Speaker 2 And your mom probably wasn't that supportive, right, in the beginning. Not in the beginning.
Yeah, And it must have been a real risk. And you did it.
And now you're on a billboard.

Speaker 2 And with a huge movie out that it's your movie. It's your movie.
And that's unbelievable. Dream come true.
Oh, that's clap!

Speaker 2 Oh, what a beautiful story. And you're about to be a mom.
I mean, it's like,

Speaker 2 what more do you want, asshole?

Speaker 1 That's the most amazing thing.

Speaker 2 That is. What do you mean by that?

Speaker 1 She said you're going to have a baby.

Speaker 2 Everything else you've done is shit. She's saying.
Mom, did you meet her previous boyfriend? It was like Tony Hinchcliffe? Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah.
Tony. You like Tony? Red Bane.
Red Bane.

Speaker 2 Did you like any of the other guys at all? Or no? No, they were all nice. Yeah, they're nice.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 They go to Tony's shows when he's in Chicago.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's cool. Did you hate any of the guys that she dated? Was there any guys you were like, I cannot stand that guy? No.
Wow.

Speaker 1 They have low standards, though, for me. So, like, I think they were just anyone.
If I had a boyfriend, they were like, this is good.

Speaker 2 But David's an upgrade. For sure.
Oh, yeah. He's He's a real upgrade.
Yeah, he's a keeper. Yeah, yeah.
It's so funny that they had low standards.

Speaker 2 The way she said it, they didn't believe in me at all. But it was nice to hear you say that, honestly, that you didn't really support the dream when she first came out here.

Speaker 1 No, because she was her third year of college, second semester.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And

Speaker 1 my husband picked her up at the bus station. She was coming home for the weekend, and she comes through the door crying.

Speaker 1 And my husband's like, you're not going to believe that she wants to quit school. I mean, she only had maybe eight weeks left of her second semester.
No, but everything was paid for.

Speaker 1 A year, plus an additional my senior year. Yeah, you had, you know, another year, but we wanted her to at least finish out her third year of college.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Where'd you go to school again? Champagne.
Oh, yeah, you will buy. Wow, that's a great school, too.

Speaker 3 Do you guys think she was funny?

Speaker 2 Hold on, one second. One second.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 Bob, can you? It's embarrassing. It's embarrassing.
Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Shut the fuck up, Mixon, my friend, dude. Hey, good question.
Yeah, good question. Did you think she was funny?

Speaker 1 We didn't have a clue why she even wanted to go out there.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Right.
Yeah. She never made you laugh.

Speaker 2 And can I tell you something? Yeah. Same.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 She is. Esther is a bright light in the comedy scene since we met.
Yeah. Maybe.

Speaker 2 I'd like to guess 15 years ago. I don't know how long we've known each other.
Yeah, a long time. A long, long time.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And what's funny is,

Speaker 2 this is going to sound very corny, but I'm going to do it anyway because we're here. There's sometimes when you're young, you just know

Speaker 2 when some of us, some people have it. Some people are probably going to quit.
Some people are probably going to get too into drugs and alcohol or just disappear. And

Speaker 2 Esther was always someone that I knew was,

Speaker 2 she was just going to do whatever she wanted to do anyway, and it was going to work because she was just good at being authentic to what she wanted to do anyway. And she was very good at it.

Speaker 2 Whenever I explain to people,

Speaker 2 Esther,

Speaker 2 can I get that over again?

Speaker 2 I think you just got to run with it. I got to run with it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I go,

Speaker 2 she's an anomaly. Yeah.
And there's just no one. And I feel that way about myself too.
Like, I think that I'm just who I am. I'm different.
Focus on her. Okay, go back to you.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Esther, right?

Speaker 2 I forgot her name. That's Lauren.
Lauren. Lauren.
So, Lauren. And you, I've always got, as soon as I saw you, I got it.
Yeah, you get it right away.

Speaker 2 I looked at you and went, oh, yeah, that's going to work. You should be proud, mom.

Speaker 2 You made something good. And you shouldn't be proud of getting banned from Rivers, but you should be proud of what you've created on the other side of it.
Yeah. And we want everyone to please

Speaker 2 go watch Drugstore June.

Speaker 2 If it's available after it's on theater, it's going to be on VOD, I imagine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's already for pre-sale on theater.

Speaker 2 And I just have to say about my part in it. Oh, Lord.

Speaker 1 You are great, Bobby. No, I

Speaker 2 thank you for being a bad friend.