The Power of P Compels Bobby

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. It's back to the old days.
It's the two. You and I, I have some problems with you, problems with you my friend i got some problems with you my friend and my problems with you is i love you too much i love you more than i could ever love anybody it's getting scary you're in my dreams you're my thoughts you're my prayers you know my dreams you're in my mind look who came back pete johnny whatever your name is pete is back on the show let's give it up for pete coming back to the show.
Get out of here. Thank you guys, man.
So happy that Carlos is gone. And Pete, you brought us Monster Size Slim Jim.
And this isn't a sponsor plug. He just brought us beef jerky sticks for some reason.
Yeah. No, as a present, because I miss you guys.
And I was in a long time. So you want us to die fast.
Where were you? Where were you? Bobby, has it been busy? Where were you? I'm sorry, man. Did you need me? You don't betray the family.
You don't leave the clan. You don't leave the war.
Let's not call each other a clan. That's not good for me.
Yeah, it's not. I know.
Last time I said that online, people got real upset. I'm not in the clan.
I'm not in any clan real upset I'm not in the clan

I'm not in any clan

stop tagging me

in the clan

we're in KK

we're in 2K's

we don't have the balls to get to the third one

we're not cluxing

we're not cluxing it right now

you and I aren't cluxers

I've never cluxed anybody

I won't clux

but Pete where were you

because let me say something

you know in my heart I have a list of names that's in my heart that lives in my family which is in my heart and i'm telling you you're off you're off the list now i'm off the list yeah what happened sounds like it and and no but because i would it got to the point where was like, I don't even remember who that guy is.

And when I came to this building, I'm getting really sad right now and emotional.

I go, well, what is that fat guy doing in here?

He's not fat.

Where's that thick guy?

Where's that thick guy?

Actually, Pete looks in the best shape I think we've seen him in.

Yeah, you look great.

I think you're just a bigger, big bone.

You're big boned.

I am.

Good lifting weights.

People don't have bigger bones.

They do.

They actually do.

You look good.

I saw your Borderlands trailer.

Shout out to the Borderlands trailer

that came out.

Yeah, I watched it.

Well, just a little snippet.

Yeah.

It looks good.

Looks pretty good.

It looks like,

I think the movie's gonna be rad. I think it's, I think you going to be very surprised by the reception of Borderlands.
Do you think so? I do. It's a, you know why? Why? How big is your character? There's nothing like this.
You know, it's so funny that you do this. Me? No, him.
Oh. It's so funny that you do this right now.
At this time and in this age. Yeah.
the time of our lives in this time of our lives when we're feeling joy and rejoicing in our own lives you have to put me down and you have to put me in that foxhole and you get down in there you fucking rabbit I just saw Andrew in a movie and he's like a protagonist it's like so cool okay he's comparing us you know what. I want to say something to you, Fancy.
I saw you put up a picture of you with Matt Reif the other night, by the way. That's right.
And you did say I'm better looking. Yeah.
I think you might be better looking than Matt Reif. You're laughing right now, dude.
You know how many people direct message me is going, yeah, beautiful women too so it depends on the context

and when you where you see us no no no it's beauty is subjective is what you're trying to i don't know what that word means i know i'm when i'm there it is wow drops eli roth eli roth put out a film with bobby lee who'd have thought one scene two no but i have no lines in the other one yeah Yeah. My friend Charles is in town.
He's from England. Hello, hello.
Hello, hello. Jolly old England.
Jolly old England. Exactly.
But anyway, what are you cackling at, Doug? Jolly old England. Jolly old England.
Bing, bing, rice-a-roly. Rice-a-roly.
The San Francisco tree. Hello, hello.
Bing, bing. Bing, bing.
bing bong bing bong bing bong bing, rice-a-roly. Rice-a-roly.
The San Francisco tree.

Hello, hello.

Bing, bing.

Bing, bing, bing, bong, bing, bing, bong.

Welcome to London, England.

Over here we do...

Lark, stalk, and two smoking bars.

We do things a little bit differently here in England.

Anyway.

You know what we do differently?

Where do we do them?

Liam?

Liam, Liam.

What are we doing here? Yes, Charles. Over here in England.
All right. We do everything wet.
Anyway. Everything is wet.
I think I'm losing my accent. I think mine's turning more Asian.
Yeah, yours turns something. Always turns Asian.
Always go Asian. Hello.
Everything is wet. Anyway.
Have you been to Big Ben? Have you been to Big Ben? Have you seen the clock? Have you ridden on the terms? Anyway Have you visited one of our pubs? You've got to go get a ship and spy in a pub Yours is just a dog I know It's a dog with Down syndrome or something Well no it's in english from essex from essex it's a dog from essex oh it is anyway um i don't even know what i was talking about dude we went on borderlands oh yeah so so charles calls me and he goes hello i go hello he's i'm in town from a couple weeks and i go well let's go have dinners well come to the show so he came to the show You met him. And then.
Sure did. And I'm sitting there.
A beautiful bloke. Beautiful bloke.
Just a thick, handsome. Very delicious looking dude.
I'm just going to do a English talk. So.
Good looking dude. I love black guys with British accents.
I know, dude. If you're black with a British accent,

Yeah.

Get my panties all in a bunch, man.

Dude, without him,

when I was in Budapest shooting it,

I wouldn't have survived that dude.

Because he was your boy?

He was a guy that, you know... You guys were going out all the time?

Well, because, you know...

Dinners.

There's not a lot of guys

that you can hang out on that movie, you know?

Like, what other guys are in it?

Kevin Hart? Saw him once. Who else? else i saw him on when we're doing scenes every once i would see him like with because he was with like 10 guys yeah he's like jesus he's like jesus so i had burger king with jamie lee curtis one day what did she order oh one of those because i was with pen too from pen and Tell? Yeah.
Penn Gillette? Penn Gillette's in it. Man, was he doing magic the whole time? No.
Didn't do magic once? No, no, no magic. Which sucks.
Yeah, you're right. Like if you're hanging out with Paul McCartney, I won't give me a ding.
Yeah, give me something. He had a lick once in a while.
Teller should have been involved. He'd have done magic the whole time and then well i told you what happened at the river yeah but tell me what jamie lee curtis ordered at burger king they have i don't know they have it here but if there they have an impossible burger yeah i think they do have it here yeah so they should they got impossible burgers fucking boo boo boo boo you want to taste some budapest cows don't you that's where you're in budapest right yeah do you want to taste budapest you didn't eat meat there did you me Yeah I love the Budapest You some Budapest cows, don't you? Me? You're in Budapest, right? Yeah.
You didn't eat meat there, did you? Me? Yeah. I love the Budapest cows.
You love Budapest cows. I love all their animals.
So what did you want from Burger King? A hamburger. No, I think I tried to be impossible because they were saying it's like the real thing.
What are we talking about? There is. That's a Budapest cow? Yeah.
And you know what you can do with the horns? What can you do with the horns?

Oh.

Hello.

Hello, hello.

Hello, hello.

Have you ever seen a Budapest cow?

They're delicious.

I don't know what it is about that British accent I'm doing,

but it's a guy I see in my mind.

Yeah.

You know what movie I saw the other day? I'm like, like oh this could be the greatest movie ever made sexy beast i've seen it so many times great movie right great movie and sir um ben kingsley is exceptional in that movie you know what you know what movie he's so good in that scares me and it's so sad the house of sand and fog oh yeah i saw that too it's incredible dark yeah beautiful great in the dictator but anyway i have a couple scenes with them but my point is um yeah just a little plug here's the deal you are very hollywood i know the joke on this show is but you have so much more hollywood stuff than me way more did i do a show the other night with adam sandler the sandman yeah time did he ask about you Did he ask about you? No. Did he ask about you? Yeah.
He made a joke about you. What'd he say? Boy, what's that what Bobby up to? That's a joke? Is that a joke? He said something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did he really though? I don't think he did.
Yeah, he did. Why would he? Oh, you guys are doing it.
There's a way he wanted it. Yeah.
Nice guy though. What are we talking about? Oh yeah, let's go back to...
Oh yeah, the people in the movie. So Charles, I hung out with him.
Without him, I would have been so bored. Him and I went to sushi together.
Him and I would do things you know, the whole time I was like, this guy's a very sexy

black English guy.

Yeah.

I really enjoy it.

He is a very sexy dude.

What's his last name?

Bring up a photo

so the fans can swoon over him as well.

Charles what?

Barra.

In charge?

Barra.

Charles Barra?

I forget, Barra Cotto.

Barley?

Barra Cotto or Barra.

Take the tube

to Piccadilly Square.

Get off, walk around for a little bit No no that's not it Was that some sort of English writer That's him Fourth picture Fifth picture end Right there That's him Yeah Look at how good looking that fucking guy is Jesus Christ He's Shaka Zulu He's Shaka Zulu That's right I'm not saying that in a racist way But like no he's they're doing a show they did a showtime show about shaka zulu right and he's shaka zulu say it right otherwise it does sound racist all right so let me just get that over again yeah go ahead so um he's he didn't recall with that pointing at him i know more racist so anyway he's doing a showtime show called shulu. Uh-huh.
This is the problem with biopics and stuff. Yeah.
Me and you. Morgan Freeman.
Who the fuck could you and I play? That's the problem. Oh my God.
I could play Kim Jong-un. No.
You don't look like him. Even with a lot of makeup, you don't have anything.
You don't have enough similarities to him. You just don't.
Watch him smile. Watch.
He doesn't smile. So you're already there it is now that's actually kind of close now that i see it again yeah um so i could get to do that i could also do well let me say this if john wayne can play him i can play him john wayne did a great job genghis khan did a great job.
But he looks like Genghis Khan. Put up John Wayne and Genghis Khan.
I don't think you're right, dude. He looks exactly like him.
Okay, so that looks... Let's take a white dude to Halloween, dude.
That doesn't look like... You know, he went to a really high end...
Look at that, dude. Trick or treat, Pilgrim.
There's just no way, dude. Now see what...
Oh, yeah, go to that little thing with Genghis Khan on the little statue. Yeah, right there.
Right there. He looks exactly like him.
I see you do. He does look like him.
He looks exactly like him, dude. Let me try to do that, though.
That's pretty good. That's really good.
Hello, so i i could play him i'd like to have sex with all of you ladies you know what you can do carrot top biopic fuck you that's so fucking annoying dude i knew you were gonna go there something simple i love how angry you got i just don't know a lot of Redheaded people in history There's so many Okay Annie Little Orphan Annie I could play Ron Howard In his second In the second coming of his life Oh Ron Howard That's right My bad Or his daughter Bryce Dallas Howard I could play her But you could play that too I would I would absolutely love To do a male rendition of Annie With me with little curls And a Dude Absolutely love it. I wanted to do that too.
I would love to do that too. Imagine me.
All the same people are in it but me. It's a hot neck life.
You know what I mean? Dancing around. Oh my God.
With your little Asian accent. It's a hot neck life for me.
It's a hot neck life for us. Instead of treated.
a kick yeah he may be by the way oh maybe we we're not nearby and I fuck up the lyrics a little bit of course in the movie because that's what they would do and you know who would be uh what was the old daddy warbucks yeah you you know who daddy Warbucks would be fancy V 100% oh yeah you are bad little kids come over here yeah yeah look at him come here Annie give me the hug for the picture yeah yeah come on Annie get close to Daddy Warbucks that would be amazing especially cause daddy whart box

yeah well what about

who's the

what's her name

she was the orphanage lady

Miss Hannigan

who plays Hannigan

George that fucking nerd

yeah George Hannigan

he would

what's the song again

I hate kids

kids I hate them

she sings the song right

I'll be him all the time

running around cabinets

you know

look at her

I'm kids. Kids, I hate them.
Yeah. She sings the song, right? She hates the kids.
I beat them all the time. Running around the cabinets.
You know? So that- Look at her. I think I would have loved that orphanage, I think.
You would have been- I think she would have had an attraction to me. You think- Because she gets drunk.
Look at how drunk she is. Miss Hannigan would have been all about the little Asian one? Well, I'm the only male.
Right. Right? And you're Asian.
Tokana. Your is tokana yeah tokana shishi tokana shishi yeah and he's like get over here right come sit on his head against his lap yeah and then i would probably make her go you you you like no no don't do it what don't do it do what don't do it i was gonna say do you like asian gummy bears and she's like what are you talking about right leachy fable okay right and she's got what let me try it right and then i'm gonna go equal amount why can't i do it i'm the kid yeah it's a kid and an adult yeah but she's miss hannigan it's a scenario you're right how is that a bad thing now if i was miss hannigan i was saying that to a little person it's you know what it reminds me it reminds me when they do those like porno ads for ads for Peter and Lois Griffin online.
You ever seen that? Yeah. Where they anime porn them.
It's insane. Pete's, you know Pete's seen it.
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I want to bring up something detrimental to our family today. It's an unfortunate event.
Andreas assaulted someone in public the other day. I heard about it.
There was a fist fight at where were you? Chipotle? Your new name is Andrea Zimmerman. Oh, and that lines up.
That's your new name, dude. So what happened? Explain what happened at Chipotle.
These two ladies got into a fist fight just in front of me. What were they, out of Barbacoa or something? What was going on over there? It was a DoorDash bigger lady.
Sorry, what do you mean by that? I'm making fun of their heritage. What are you talking about? Like strong.
What do you mean strong? Black people are strong now, dude. I didn't even say.
How did you know they were black? Right. You just said he assaulted a black person.
No, I said he just got, he assaulted someone at Chipotle. No, you said earlier black.
No, I didn't. Is she black? No, she was.
Oh, shit. I don't know why that was in my head then.
My that's why i said zimmerman i know i know what's going on it was not a black person she was mexican and you assaulted a mexican i didn't assault anyone i would just stop a fist fight and i just got punched in the face he tried to break up two girls in a fist fight and one of them knocked the glasses off his little bitch ass head how funny is that oh my god some God. Some Latino chicks smoke this fucking, she could tell you were Spanish.
I got free chipotle afterwards. You did? Yes.
Wow. Yo, why did I think it was black? I have no idea, man.
I need help. I need help.
I'm not that type of person. Yeah, he wouldn't do that.
Yeah, yeah. So, and you got punched and then did she say sorry? No.
He was trying to stop the fight and they were like, get the fuck out here was it two mexicans let me give you the description the other one was black not the one he hit but there we go though yeah i know okay yeah and who won the fight really the black one i think it was it was pretty even it was even oh really yeah the black one was 19 which is crazy how do you know she said how old she was yeah she said i'm 19 19 how did that come out because the other one was like a grown-ass woman you know and she was just beating on the 19 year old and the 19 year old girl said i'm 19 yeah i'm 19 wow were they arguing they're both postmates drivers no one was a worker at chipotle and the other one's a postmate driver oh wait? You didn't say that? So a woman that worked at Chipotle? Yeah, she was just cleaning the... Let me guess, the Mexican worked at Chipotle? No.
Wow, the tables have turned. Yes.
Wow, the drama. This girl is just cleaning the glass, and then this Postmates person...
It's like Bridgerton, you know what I mean? You're like... You know? It is.
You're like, oh, the white people aren't going to play in this movie. You know what I mean? Yeah.
So, yeah. It is kind of nice to see there was a black girl, a Mexican girl, and a Spanish guy.
No whites involved in this crime. Right.
Finally. Yeah.
I feel good about this. So, wait.
She's cleaning the glass. The other person, like, you know, just walks and, like, hits her.
She just hit her. Yeah.
All right. And then there was a lot of like flirt.
That's interesting, dude. Wait a minute.
She just punched her and started calling her the N-word for no reason? So she brushed against her. The other guy said, hey, excuse me.
And then she went berserk. Wow.
Punching and scratching. Who said the N-word? The black girl or the Mexican girl? The black girl called the Mexican girl the N-word.
Yes. Oh, that's kind of...
Oh, wow. A little balance.
No, this is the equality that we wanted. Yeah.
This is equity and inclusion. Everyone gets to be a racial slur.
Were there other people around? Yes. Okay, so I'm going to say something where you fucked up.
Oh. Okay.
No one else stopped it, by the way. No one else stopped it.
Do you know why they didn't stop it?

I'm not getting them in all that fight.

No.

They want to watch it.

I know.

It's a free fight.

A free fight.

You don't stop a free fight.

Here at Pay-Per-View at Chipotle,

we're watching two girls go at it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, never again.

So you don't stop a...

What?

What, Pete?

Were any of them hot?

No.

No, they said...

Pete.

Pervert Pete sliding in.

Sliding in, dude.

Hey, were any of them hot?

Yeah.

Hey, was...

This is a video. what what pete any of them hot no no these pete pervert pete sliding in sliding in dude hey were any of them hot yeah it was did you happen to jerk off to it later andres i don't know it's relevant don't you love street fights i love it but let me tell you something hot women rarely are fighting and if they are it's not at a chipotle yeah okay it's like Coachella or something.
Yeah, exactly. They're fighting over VIP wristbands.
Okay, okay.

My boyfriend's back there yeah yeah yeah I sucked his dick first yeah look we can all suck Wiz Khalifa's dick yeah just get in line and when do they when do they stop playing when Post Malone gets on stage that's when they stop fighting have you been to Coachella Coachella I went to let me say it right they stop fighting. Have you been to Coachella? I went to...

Hold on, hold on.

Let me say it right.

Yeah, I got it.

Have you been to Coachella?

Very good.

Thank you.

I went to like the fourth,

whatever,

it was early on,

years and years and years ago

when I worked in the music industry

and I was doing desk work

and they got us tickets

and backstage,

they got us VIP.

Who was playing,

do you remember?

I love him. He's good yeah i mean seconds album was the best it was probably the best album he's ever made yeah uh who was playing who was playing who was playing who was playing i want to say the closing night was the killers.
Oh, wow. I love that.

I think so.

I think that's right.

Do the killers Coachella.

I think that's who it was.

I've had one nightmare experience.

What?

At a Coachella?

Yeah.

I didn't actually go inside.

What year was that?

What?

What year was this?

It was probably three or four years.

Right before the pandemic.

Click on the image of the Coachella image.

Do you remember when I did this? Can I just tell you what I, okay. 2009? 2009, that sounds about right.
So Kalilah. Wow, it was a long time ago.
He goes, can you get us Coachella? Because I know CAA reps people from the festival and they have connections. So I call CAA, is there any way you guys are getting ready for everything backstage? And Matt was just like, I mean i mean you're gonna have to pay some we'll get you a deal but we don't just give out free you know i mean yeah they do they absolutely do they do a hundred percent so i paid for no reason uh yep okay so anyway you're bobby lee i know i can't get bobby lee a couple of fucking tickets yeah but no backstage VIP everything.
I think there was a- Who do you think they give those to? Brad Pitt. Bobby- Brad Pitt's not fucking going over there.
Yeah, he's not going over there. He's too busy.
They give them to guys like Bobby Lee. C-list celebrities, that's exactly who VIP is.
I know. That's- And when he says that, dude, and when he says that, there's no shame on my part.
That's who we are. We're C.
We're C-list celebrities. God damn it.
That's who VIP tickets are for. Yeah.
B-listers don't want them because they're a little above it. And A-listers, that's- It's me, Andrew, Vern Troyer, the little guy from Webster.
You know what I mean? We're all back there, dude. It's me and you and little people.
That's all it is. Little people.
Oh, yeah. So anyway, I pay the thousands of dollars, right? And then the day, Claudia makes some phone calls and she goes because i'm not going and she comes to me she goes you have to go your name is on the thing or whatever your name is at the will call and they won't give it i go you think i'm gonna drive two hours three hours into the desert at least with traffic with traffic and they.
So now I'm on the fucking 10. You did it.
Driving. I drove all the way over there.
Went to the will call. Got the tickets.
Drove back. Dude, the power of pussy compels you.
Is that in Lord of the Rings? They should put that in there. It is.
I think it's in the Bible. I think it's in Corinthians.
Isn't it Corinthians? The power of pussy compels you. The power of pussy compels you.
It does compel you. You drove to the desert.
If I was bleeding out, right? No, no desert. You're dead.
Yeah, see? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There it is.
I don't even know. I don't even hear their scenario.
You're dead. The power of pussy compels you.
The power of pussy compels you. Okay.
It's amazing. Oh,'s amazing oh the things i've done drive to the desert i know to turn around and drive back well it was also jesus money compelled me because i'm like oh i'll lose all the money that i paid like if it was free you don't care it was more about that person you're right yeah cut it out the things i've done for it it's like i'll get you're like as a kid remember I begged my mom because this guy Art Kimball was wearing Drakkar Drakkar Noir yeah and I smelled him he bullied me that guy yeah anyway I'd go where is he now I have no idea yeah exactly thank you we took care of it he's dead he died he died I remember going well can we remember going, well, can we get your car? She goes, Bobby, you don't, you smell fine.
You know what I mean? But I went and got it anyway. Right? And then two years later, because I know ladies like that.
Mommy, can I get cool water? Cool water, Dave it off. Right, Dave it off, right? I went and got cool water.
You were a little curve for men. Do you ever work? Yes.
Every time a new one came out yeah and then even my 20 i was 25 i would call my mommy could i get whatever i might be

abercrombie woods i used to wear that wow polo i wore polo sport yeah and then it and then it

got funky the smells like you know my santel 33 yeah you don't like it yeah yeah what did you

start wearing fancy Fancy?

What did the kids wear in Spain?

I think polo was a big one.

Polo?

Yeah.

Yeah, polo.

But that's because you're rich?

Is that why?

Do rich kids wear polo over there?

No.

What do the poor kids wear over there?

Dirt?

Nothing.

Essence?

Yeah.

Pete, what did you smell like?

Cool water.

You're a cool water guy. Water man, huh? What do you wear now, Pete? Nothing.
Yeah, you have children. If anyone wants to give me a gift, get me Golden Goose, the tennis shoes I like.
It has a smell called Venice, and they're always sold out of it. It smells so good.
Get me a bottle. Well, I'll tell you what.
We tried to buy you yesterday, but it sold out, and I'm fucking pissed about it i tried really hard you know i know what it is what no the apple glasses no they're they're available we can get them no we tried to buy you the trump shoes i tried super hard i actually went offline and tried to get them the gold ones i was thinking about getting one i wanted you to get them they're sold out they're fucking i think it'd be worth something later they're There was something now. I know, no, but I did like 45.
My guy, look at that. Trump promotes.

Oh, you to get them they're sold out they're fucking i think it'd be worth something later they're worth they're worth something now i know no but i did like 45 my guy look at that trump promote four four hundred dollar sneakers after 400 450 million dollar penalty in fraud case hey man you got to make it back somehow and did it um i'm sold out well he only made a thousand pairs of the gold ones and then the other ones are now go to go to trumpsneakers.com, I think is what the website is or whatever. Can you get me some? I tried.
Oh, size nine. I'm trying to get you some Trump sneakers.
If any fans out there have the plug for the T-Sneaks, we're looking for them big time, dude. Get Trump sneakers or something like that is the get Trump sneakers or some shit.
I mean, it's just, they're so cool looking.

Even those digital cars he was selling them a couple years ago,

I was like, I should have got some of those.

I know.

What are we thinking?

Look at that.

Sold out.

Official President Trump sneakers.

Sold the fuck out, man.

Damn, dude.

Damn, dude.

It was a 400 times a thousand.

It's not a lot of money.

Not a lot of money.

For him, I mean, it's just. that's they're called never surrender high tops wow so dope so dope dude somebody called them insurrection 11s that's a yeah insurrection those are pretty dope dude yeah they look like air jordan ones they look like the ones wow anyway i mean thank you i mean honestly dude this guy you you can hate him you can hate him you can hate him you can hate him i don't you can you hate him i don't hate him i don't know him i don't know him either but how can you hate him people hate him but those are shoot those are great shoes yeah those are great shoes man so i don't hate him as.
What do you mean? There was a time in my life where I wanted him dead. Why? Not dead, but it just bothered me, you know? Right.
And then you realize that's a bad way to think about? Yeah, about people. But in the last couple of years, I've grown to kind of like, you have to, okay, so I know, I know, I know.

Like, so you ask your question, why do people like him?

And then when you dive into why, this is just the,

and then you kind of, you can latch on to some of those ideas.

Yeah.

And then change your perception a little bit.

I don't want to get into it because I don't want to get canceled, but you know.

Well, you're not going to, you're allowed to have an opinion.

Yeah, but he doesn't you know biden doesn't really um i like him too you know didn't i like him too didn't believe that for a second yeah i like him too You know what I did this morning? Dead on.

Oh man. Oh man.

You know Trump wants to this morning? Dead on.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

You know, Trump wants to come on our show.

Show them the clip.

Do we have that clip?

I can send it.

Wait, send it to Pete.

Honest question. Trump actually said he'd come on our show.

We have a clip of it.

Do you have it, Andres?

I have it.

But for real, let me ask you something.

And give me the real answer. If he wanted yes you would do it what would i have trump on our podcast yeah yeah do i want a billion dollar deal from somebody i want to be joe rogan and get 250 million dollar deal because joe didn't get trump yet right i don't think he's been on the show.
But look at this. I think he's funny.
A very funny Chinaman.

And I know funny. People say I am one of the funniest.
But he's funny too. And if they ask me, I would do their podcast show, Bad Friends, I think it's called.
Why not? Wow. Look at that.
Funny Chinaman. You can call me Chinaman.
Yeah, you better believe you can. Of course I'd have him on the show.
You know how much fun we would have with that guy on the show? I'm going to throw you some names. Say yes or no.
Sure. O.J.
Simpson. Of course.
You would. Of course.
I mean, I would make sure we remove Rudy's knives from the studio. Yeah, you're right.
I stumbled on that joke, but I got it out. That was really good.
Yeah, really good joke. Thank you.
Yeah. Who else? So, um, Bill Cosby.
I don't think so. There's a lot of open beverages in the studio.
I wouldn't drink anything. I wouldn't.
I know. I don't think I'd want him around.
Oh, you wouldn't want him around. He's so fucking creepy.
He's creepy. He creeps the fuck out of me.
I'm just throwing names out. Woody Allen.
I don't know, dude.

You do look like

a little Asian girl.

I'm a little scared of that.

Yeah.

That's more of a threat for you.

No, I know.

I'll just say,

I'll just put the pigtails

and be soonyi.

I think I would spread

my little legs open.

I would love it.

We cut a hole in the desk.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just staring and drooling

at your legs.

So no Woody, no OJ. Kevinvin spacey no yes to oj oh yes i think i said no to everybody oj no woody no no bill yeah um i said no to everybody except trump so far yeah what can i just throw some more did you just say what who'd you just say who What? Who did you just say? Who? Kevin Spacey? Kevin Spacey.
Great actor. Oh, you would.
No shit. You would.
No shit, dude. Say that, dude.
Yeah. I mean, I think the only reason I would be hesitant towards it is because of the amount of young men in here like McCone that are on their show.
Oh, right, right. You yeah this kind of feels like a bar yeah yeah you know what i mean there's drinks in my office and spacey sees macone and his little haircut oh right well okay yeah he's like young man help me get mic'd up for the show yeah yeah i see and macone's like no the microphones are actually on the desk we don't do chat he's'd like a lavalier mic.
Yeah, yeah. Why don't you tape one to my chest, young man? Putin.
No, because I don't want to pay for a translator. Oh, that's right.
You know, we got to have some other guy who's not really. That's my biggest beef with someone foreign would be tough.
What if they're fucking lying? Oh, through their language. Don't you see that all the time? And the translator says something.
I'm like, that's we don't know they get their we get our own translator oh that's cool right so then you know he's lying wait what what is the accent he's just my russian you know what our translator is going to be lying no we'll get it's english what we'll get our english translator yeah yeah yeah oh that potent through his teeth. Interesting.
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But all of those I mentioned

would be interesting.

They would blow our shit up though.

You know who we want on the show is Gypsy Rose.

I tried.

Didn't we ask to get her on the show

and she said no? It fucking sucks.

And I said that. I said it on

I direct messaged her on Instagram

fucking ghosted me. Wow.

But did she leave you on scene? Or she didn't even look at it. Yeah.
I want Gypsy her on Instagram. Fucking ghosted, man.
Wow. But did she leave you on scene?

Or she didn't even...

She didn't even look at it.

Damn.

Yeah, I want Gypsy Rose, man.

What's it called again?

What's it called when you do that to somebody?

When you capture what her mother did was called...

Munchausen.

Munchausen.

Munchausen.

Munchausen syndrome.

That's what Eminem claimed he had with his mother, right?

Wow.

Isn't that true?

Remember that?

He used to talk about that.

In that photo.

She looks like she could be related to you i know but she looks a little hot she looks a little hot well it's okay to say that she's an of age adult right how old is gypsy rose you're saying it like it's not allowed to be said or something no i didn't know i isn't she 32 she's a grown-up i know yeah so well why'd you whisper it why are you embarrassed about because you know when when you saw the documentary you would never dream would you that like well when she grows up well because they shave her head and all that shit and give her those glasses yeah i mean she looked you know not i'm gonna get in trouble let's move on but i know i know what you're saying she it she um she grew up she looks like a grown-up now why can't we say that she looks well it's not she's allowed to say she looks hot now she's 32 year old she's a fucking woman i know you can say she looks good give me another photo because i that one i don't trust yeah yeah well she's already married right isn't that her husband that guy in the blue the big blue shirt oh really yeah wait she married that guy yeah and he's got munchhausen syndrome he has it too it's a cyclical thing it's a different she married into it she well yeah yeah yeah he's got munch houses oh munchkin oh what's that yum yum yum yum yum yum yum Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom. Yeah.
He's a foodie. That's a, that's a joke.

Sorry about that.

Munch.

I got it now. Jesus Christ.
I do it. Okay.
How? The whole fucking studio got it. I know.
I don't know why, but I just got the joke. I know.
Very funny. Thank you.
Yeah, yeah. I'm trying.
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Liquid death! Liquid death is my favorite water. I love it.
It is actually just delicious water. And it comes in these tall boy cans, which I love so very much.
I've been drinking this jazz for so long. I'm happy that they're a sponsor.
Mango is my favorite flavor. Keep sending that mango to me, baby.
But they also have sparkling. They have still.
They have this armless palmer. This is iced tea and agave with vitamins.
My favorite is the water flavored water. You like the water flavored water? It's the best kind.
I also like it because there's a very, very, very, very low amount of sugar in some of the flavored ones. And it's a great alternative to drinking soda pop.
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I know what it is. The rain fucked up your sleep last night.
Didn't it? Yeah. It was too much.
I know. Was it too much last night? A hundred percent.
You know why I have this fear? Cause everyone does. People that don't know at home, the roofs here in Los Angeles are made of paper mache.
Yeah. Yeah.
Fucking. I'm afraid they're going to fall in because they're not made well.
The first year that we moved into this fucking shitty house yeah our roof leaked the first fucking year we moved in yeah the fucking living room collapsed wow yeah it sucked dude it was like but here's what i get that you don't get nuts yeah i'm not a big fan of nuts no no what do you mean i have these trees oh you it's sheds yeah with these gigantic i don't know what they. Big, beautiful nuts.
Nuts, right? Brown nuts. Big, beautiful brown nuts.
Oh, black nuts. Black nuts.
So this tree is like, I'm going to shed all these big black nuts. Yeah, it's raining.
It's raining, dog. So big, beautiful black nuts fall on your roof.
So not only do I get that hard rain, but I get boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Like this kind of, right? And it's just, it's...
Does it fuck with the animals? Yeah. Yeah, my dog hates when it falls from, we have a tree above our house.
And when it sheds, she's always like, what the fuck is that? Like a branch will just hit the roof. And then she sneaks onto the bed and she's bummed the rest of the day.
And I had a flooding. Remember I spent like $10,000 on getting in the upper hardwood floors because of the balcony.
I have a gigantic balcony and it flooded into my fucking thing, right? So every five hours I go out there and to see if it's like, because I've cleared the filter, the drainage I'm in, but it's like, I just get paranoid because I don't want to spend that much money. It's insane.
Any kind of flooding with hardwood floors is a nightmare. Probably with rugs as well.
You're also in the hills, so you could slide down. I think about you all the time.
What if your house starts to slide? I'm not on the hills, man. When you say that, it makes me feel like...
What? I'm not in the hills. You're in the hills.
You're a hills guy. I'm in the flats.
You're in the hills, you're a hills guy I'm in the flats, you're in the hills but you're 52, I'm 40 you're more successful than me I belong down with the people and you're above people the other day we were at the comedy store do you remember that whole horde of people went, Andrew and they hugged you and I walked by that was their that was no that was her cousin and and no that's what reality is reality is you're a beetle i just see this and you're a beach boy no you're brian wilson no i'm and i'm ringo okay that makes perfect sense yeah ringo star more famous no huh he's more famous ringo than brian wilson yeah if you saw brian wilson walking straight and ringo star who would you be able to i'd go up to brian wilson yeah but most people don't know what brian wilson looks like they know what ringo looks like yeah but that's only because of the publication but brian wilson that's not it's tit for tat let's i don't know what we're doing right now look at him. Can you imagine that guy laid in bed for how many years was it?

He just laid in a bed.

Yeah.

Remember when he was like had agoraphobia or whatever, couldn't leave the house?

He's still alive, right?

You know, I don't know.

This is what's bad about this show because we're going to talk about it.

He's going to die in a month.

Oh, that's right.

We do this all the fucking time.

And I hope, how old is he?

81 years old.

He's 81.

Still alive.

Fuck.

What?

It's close.

We're going to do it. We're going to do it.
I guarantee you he's going to pass soon. We just Still alive.
Fuck. What? It's close.
We're going to do it.

We're going to do it.

I guarantee you he's going to pass soon.

We just did it.

Fuck.

Whenever we do-

How many months though?

Let's make a bet.

All right.

Let's make a bet.

I'm going to go-

I'm going to go three.

Oh my God.

Why are we doing this?

I don't want him to pass away.

I don't want him to do August.

August.

Okay.

I get August.

In August he's gone.

And God bless you.

What a talented man.

Let's just do a fucking-

Thank you. I don't want him to pass away.
I don't want him to. August.
August, okay. I get August.
In August, he's gone.

And God bless you.

What a talented man.

Let's just do a fucking... A death pact?

Right now.

A death poll?

No, a death pact is when we both do it, right?

We got to get rid of this voodoo.

Well, you know what we should do is...

No, we got to do a seance right now.

You know what Pauly's trying to get me to do is ayahuasca with him.

Pauly's doing big ayahuasca trips now bro last night he comes out to me paulie yeah he goes dude i just did the ayahuasca i was like all right right and then he started taking his hands and twisting my nipples and he wouldn't let go that's what they do after ayahuasca so that's what happens it's one of those effects that's how you that's how you really tune into god all right twist your titties and then it hurts so bad oh yeah he doesn't assault you huh he gives me big tight hugs oh he does but i'm also bigger than you guys do you know what i mean like it's hard for you a litt littler guy, hard to assault a bigger guy. But since he was raised with Asians.

Yeah, he was.

Raised by Asians.

By Asians.

Whenever he sees me,

he gets so excited

and I have this like

flight or fight

kind of response.

But I let him do it.

It's so funny to hear you say that.

What?

Fight or fright.

Because it's almost like

a perfect non-Asian phrase.

Almost fight or fright. What is it? Sorry?-asian phrase almost fight or fright what is it sorry fight or fright almost fight or fright did i say it that way it's like you own a haunted house come in tonight for fright or fright really you're gonna be scared or get in a fist fight fistfights will be broken you are on today dude you know what you're on an accent kick today dude I don't know why.
Yeah, you're are on today, dude. You know what?

You're on an accent kick today, dude.

I don't know why.

Yeah, you're on a rhythm, dude.

You know why?

The rain brings out my accents.

Well, that's amazing.

Also, this morning on the radio,

I heard a preview for some guy's new show.

That's where the British thing came from.

And it sounded so funny.

It made me laugh.

He's a serious accent.

It was so thick.

It just made me laugh.

So it got in my mind wow once it

sinks in mao did you say mao i said now you man what is it wow i said wow you said mao wow do they say that over there do they say mao instead of wow mao oh mao and then some guy comes Me?

Not you, Mao.

Yeah, I don't know.

I thought I said,

oh, wow, but. That's okay.
Yeah, I think you're really into things with me. Like, I think I said fight or fright pretty good.
But you're like, fight or fright. It's fight or flight.
Flight or flight. Oh, fight or flight.
Oh, that's why. Yeah, dude.
Fight or flight. I'm not making fun of you.
Oh, I fucked it up oh fuck I am Asian oh fuck you're right I said fight or fright it's supposed to be flight flight yeah but I mistake alright you're right oh fuck and maybe I did say Mao which oh my god oh my god oh I gotta wear this wear this. I think this is what it might be.
I need beanies. Which is interesting that you messed up fight or flight because you always flight.
You never fight. You hate confrontation.
You much rather flight. I've been setting up.
I know I've been setting boundaries. Tell me a boundary you've made recently.
I just, you know, when people used to come talk to me in a certain way, you and i usually absorb it like you know people that we know friends of ours yeah comics and stuff you know i mean i go hey man i don't like when people talk to me like that oh i like this like people are disrespecting you yeah like who's disrespected you recently you first of all i'm your best friend i know but i did i it's different i try to set a boundary with you we have boundaries we have very obvious i don't want to i don't want to bring up anything but i'm just saying that i said something in that and i remember saying it going i'm glad i said it what did you say no i don't get it what did you say i don't want you're the one that wait you're the one this is a trick dude what did you say alright let's alright so sometimes when you make fun of tiger belly it makes me mad a little bit okay so I go hey come on man don't talk about that like that okay and then you kind of went okay and I respect that yeah yeah yeah and I don't but then you did it like two times after that but and I'll never do it again but but my point is that's comedian instinct instinct right right because you know how my heart where my heart lies yeah i know first of all let's clear the air yeah i have a hard time telling you anything you know how much i love wait about what about tiger belly no just in general like i don't want to like you call me every day i know we do i know can i just let's just get this out of the way then all right why are you laughing okay Let's do it. All right.
It's because I love you so much and because I love this podcast and I love what we have going here. Yeah.
That a lot of times I go, I shouldn't say that because I don't want to get in a fight or this and that. So I absorb it because I don't want to ruffle any feathers.
I want it to be smooth. But you can tell me anything.
I feel like Simon and Garfunkel, there was one point where they got in a fight and all of a sudden it was over, right? And you and I never fight in that way. But I'm just saying that, you know, I get a little bit more scared when it comes to any kind of confrontation with you.
you i said it yeah but you can tell me anything i know and i've never not been supportive of you in our whole friendship ditto but so i'm saying that's not what i'm saying so what is it that you can what i'm ditto that's not what i'm tiger belly stuff is a crux of it big time it's not even that you do it as a joke but it's like sometimes i just feel like that's fine i don't even and you you haven't done it since then and it's fine and you know how much i love kalilah i understand i just don't like you said you asked me i just hate gilbert i know gilbert sucks i'm kidding but i mean there's just you know jesus but with you is the hardest because i don't want to ruffle any feathers but when i said that I was just like I'm glad I said that you know I'm kidding. I'm kidding.
I mean, there's just, you know what I mean? Jesus. But with you is the hardest, because I don't want to ruffle any feathers, but when I said that, I was just like, I'm glad I said that.
You know what I mean? I'm glad you said what you said. Right.
So what I'm saying is that, but in the world comedy world, and also I'm not as like scared to like say things to people, like, you know. Lately, you've been letting go of- Well, like the Matt Reif thing last night.
What happened? You left. Yeah.
You did a show. Yeah.
And then it went up Liza. Then Matt Reif comes in, right? And then somebody was trying to get Matt Reif to go up before me.
To bump you. To bump me, which is fine.
But I remember saying, yeah, I think Josh Adam Myers goes, Hey, dude. Yeah, yeah.
Matt Re goes I'm not gonna do that to you yeah right and I go okay thank you but then when Matt was there I was just like you know I walk up to Matt and I go you wanna go before me he goes I mean I have another spot and I go okay go ahead when that happens it's fine it's my decision I, sometimes when you're at a club and they go,

yo, T. Williams, I just made up a name,

wants to go up before you.

And he's going to go up before you. And they tell you what's going to happen.

I don't like that.

Right.

So now I can go, no.

I can go, no.

Or I can go make my own decision.

I'll decide.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did Matt was on the lineup?

Was he on the lineup?

He was on the lineup now.

So he was a pop-in. Yeah.
And then he also had another spot? Yeah. Mm-mm-mm.
What do you mean? Mm-mm-mm. Don't do, um, he doesn't get to do it? No, here's the deal.
Yeah? This is an incorrect move. Oh my God.
Comedy is chess. This is a bad move.
It's not a bad move. What are you talking about? I love that.
It doesn't matter. Here's why.
I like the kid too. It doesn't matter.
My point I'm making is if you had another spot, then you don't do a slide into another show if you have another time constraint. I think he lied.
Oh, well, that's even worse. Because in my head, I'm like, what spot do you have? It's 11 at night.
Well, then that's even worse. But I don't know.
No, so then what we're saying is that's even worse then you should say I'll go whenever you've never done that I've lied I've said to people oh no I got two spots I gotta go up right now I've never lied about have another spot if I'm bumping in on a show I'm not even I've never bumped in on a show so case in point this is literally the point I'm making if you're gonna bump in on a show't have another engagement. That doesn't make sense.
You slide in on a spot like Chappelle does it. All right.
Listen. I'm doing a learning lesson for people.
I'm a learner. You're learning.
Right. I'm a learner, dude.
You and I just don't bump. We don't slide.
In fact, how guilty did I feel the other night? There was miscommunication on the show that we were both on. You literally said...
Oh, that was bullshit what you did. What was bullshit? That's another boundary I'm gonna set.
Here we go, right? Boundary time. Okay.
Oh, don't do this. No, what's the boundary? Don't...
You raise your voice. Fuck you.
You raise your voice. Now he's scared.
Now he cannot put the boundary out. No, I'm gonna put the boundary down, man.
See, he's up. What you did was did was sabotage how did i sabotage don't do that with your little eyes your little chicago italian first of all let's not go let's not talk about little fucking eyes here all right all right you know but you do this little thing hey hey grass house don't throw stones at the grass house all right fight or fright fight or fright okay so So Friday night you were on the lineup.
And I had to cancel. Stop.
Let me...

Can I... oh yeah don't throw stones in the grass house all right fight or fright fight or fright okay so so friday night you were on the lineup and i had to cancel stop let me can i tell you know i hate when you do that too when you roll your eyes because you talk about it like you know you didn't know what happened you were there oh my god friday night go i just rolled my eyes too it's hard to do with my head it's harder to see when you do it yeah so um fuck you dude let me say something okay I'm fine with your sabotage and your little antics oh god dude I just said I love you immensely I didn't sabotage anything I'm fine with it dude I had to cancel on Friday what happened on Saturday let me tell the story man you tell my story alright so Friday I'm at the comedy store yeah right and And I go, cancel on Friday.
What happened on Saturday? Let me tell the story, man. You tell my story.
All right, so Friday,

I'm at the comedy store, right?

And I go,

oh, Andrew's going to be here.

This is great.

And then somebody came up to me

and said,

Andrew canceled.

Friday night.

Friday night.

Yeah, Friday night.

I don't care what the excuse is.

You have every right to,

even if you didn't feel like doing it,

you have every right to cancel.

Okay.

Okay?

So Saturday night,

you're not on the lineup.

All right? You only canceled Friday night. Yeah.
They canceled Saturday on accident. They don't do that.
They did. Okay.
Anyway. Do you want proof of it? I'll call Emily right now.
No, no, no. Stop.
Do you want me to call her? No, don't. Yeah.
Cause you'll be wrong. So they did it.
Let me call Emily. Go ahead.
It was an accident. She thought I was canceling both spots,

but I was only supposed to cancel Friday.

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, but okay,

even if you're not an outlay,

they took you off the lineup,

which they did.

Yeah, how would I know?

Exactly.

Yeah.

But how do you know what time you had?

What do you mean? You went up before me.

Oh, this is exactly how I know.

Yeah.

Because the booker said,

I slid in Maz in your spot

because you weren't there. I thought you weren't there so boom boom fuck you fuck you how's that boundary i always get this random number from let me see rhoda island can we pick it up pick it up pick it up yeah hello hello who

oh yes

hi robert hello hello who oh yes hi Robert actually this is Lee and this call will be super quick because it may not apply to you what the fuck is it hello Robert can you hear me yeah fuck That's how you do that's how you handle it for everybody at home that's how you handle one of

those calls you act belligerent you don't do that that was so good i never yeah fuck you come fuck

i never pick it up yeah you gotta come fuck yeah fuck and he just hung up scared robert

yeah yeah fuck yeah boop boop boop boop boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.

Anyway, Emily.

And that'll teach him a lesson.

Yeah.

No, don't call her.

She'll panic.

She will?

Yeah, dude.

She'll freak out.

She slid in Maz for me.

And then I got there and I was like,

oh, I have a guest here.

I have two guests to see me.

My buddy, Jake Lacey, phenomenal actor

who was in town doing the People's Choice Awards.

I'll see both of us. Sure.
Okay. And Mark- Can I say something? What you did? Yeah.
I'm glad you brought this up because now it's bringing me another thing what did i do after your set you took all those guys out of the room they weren't there what are you talking about when i got off stage all your fancy friends were not in their seats and they had not seen my set how do what how do i have what do i have to do with that i want after your set, this is what I believe you did.

Let's go out in the patio and party.

Oh, you know me.

I'm a big patio party guy.

No, but let's go talk or something.

I go home every time after my set.

Interesting, because when I went to the parking lot, you were still there.

With whom?

Polly.

Yeah, he cornered me.

Okay. This is our lives.
This is what we think about we have nothing we have nothing better to do you know what I mean all right can I give you something go ahead let's move on all right I got dry needled this morning it's revolutionized my life pins in your back I'm gonna do it all the time now pins in your back pins in my butt and my back in my glute and my back dry needling i think i'm gonna do this all the fucking time you feel great amazing here's what they do they put the needle in there yeah then he moves it around until your muscles your muscle like retracts and twitches yeah because it's releasing and then he lets it sit sometimes i go to the guy and he puts on uv light on it kind of like extract some of the shit. Yeah.
And I got to tell you, you guys, ancient Chinese medicine, so good. The best.
It's amazing. It's fucking amazing.
Is there ancient Korean medicine, by the way? Why are people giggling? What's going on? Surprise. What? Who is it? Who's the surprise? Oh.
Well, well, well. Well, well, well.
Someone doesn't look fatter than usual. Yeah.
Est? Mom. Is your mom here? Your mom's here? Mom.
Mom. My God.
I love your mom. Sit down, sweetie.
Is your mom here for the premiere yeah oh wow hi mom come

on in hi mom come on in ladies and gentlemen esther and her mom sit on here i love your mom put on the headphones mom have you been here this whole time this is the last time i saw you no i went home for five days and you came back she had to go get my dad because he can't travel by himself why is that because? Because he's 80. Oh.
And he's a liar. Oh.
And he lies to the TSA. He's like, I do have a bomb in my backpack.
Are you excited about tonight's premiere? I am not. Why? Are you being serious? No, it's just because, you know, when your parents are there and it's like embarrassing.
No, because Bobby and I, our parents don't support us.

Do we?

You don't have to wear them if you don't want to, but it's nice for sound.

Maybe you can hear how you sound in there and then you can judge your own voice.

Yeah.

Oh, I probably won't like how I sound.

I mean, you sound amazing.

Like Judi Dench.

I just threw out that.

First of all, it's Dame Judi Dench.

Sorry, my bad.

Yeah, you have to say that.

No, but we, so my mom was here two weeks ago and...

Can you pull your shirt up?

You're pulling it down.

I'd rather it be up if you don't mind.

She was here two weeks ago and we have like all these security cameras at our house to

monitor my dad like entering and leaving.

And we caught him in a lie about going to a casino.

And so, she had to fly back to get him and bring him. Is this in Chicago? Do you go to Rivers? Where do you go? He's banned.
He's banned from Rivers. Yeah.
Why is he banned? Why is he banned? He's banned from Rivers Casino. He self-banned himself.
Oh. He didn't do anything inappropriate and they kicked him out.
So he had to drive to Pottawannabe. Yeah, you got to go to Pottawannabe.
Do you know it? Yeah, what do you mean? We're from Chicago. Yes.
What are you talking about? So you went to Pottawannabe. Pottawannabe.
Yeah, go to Pottawannabe yeah you know it yeah what do you mean we're from Chicago yes what are you talking about so you went to Pottawannabe Pottawannabe yeah yeah which by the way don't no yeah don't I can't do what well I was gonna make a joke about you know Pottawannabe no go ahead the show you did oh reservation dogs yeah yeah what's Yeah, yeah. What's the joke? Tell the joke.
Tell the joke. He said no.
Yeah. No.
Anyway, he's banned. Yeah.
You know Baby Gap? The clothes at Baby Gap? Yeah. It's actually for the babies, not you.
You know you're not supposed to actually wear. Yeah.
Just because you have a baby. This is a Sk is that kim kardashian yeah wow also you guys have been having my literal my closest friend on your show who what greg is like one of my closest friends of the comedy first of all he's never mentioned that also never mentioned your name also he's not your closest friend he's our closest friend we've asked the goop first of all his name is the goop the goop yeah and we've asked the goop multiple times who his closest homies are in the game yeah and you didn't come up once have you gone to see wicked with him once no but have you gone to an adele concert you know that he's taking me to madonna he's the only person i've ever had common interests with at the comedy store like every time i see him he just he he and i have so we talk about casegraves, Lady Gaga, Miley Cyrus.
Like he's my closest friend in comedy. Okay.
I mean, I don't buy it. I don't buy it either.
I've never seen you guys together. It's very interesting, you know? And you know, I could play the same game.
Brad Pitt's my closest friend. That's actually not funny.
That is true. That is true.
Yeah. They've been hanging out a lot lately.
Yeah. We have some of the similarities.
You were in Seven. Yeah.
Taekwondo. We love Taekwondo.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And we love Grease, the musical.
The movie? Oh, the musical. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And the actual Grease for the car. Love Grease.
Yeah. So let me say something to you.
How do you feel about the billboards around town? With your face on it. Your tongue, your face.
Let's ask your mom. I don't want to hear from her anymore.
How do you feel about seeing your daughter around town on billboards? Is that amazing? Well, I haven't actually seen one, but I've seen the pictures. Yeah, that's pretty cool.
Just make it up. Look at the billboard.
Oh my gosh. Yeah, that's amazing.
And by the way, just above Sunset Liquor. Look at that.
You can't get better placement than that, baby. Can I ask you a question? Why did they put...
Zoom in on that photo. Yeah, how did you get all those sprinkles on your tongue? It's actually not they go toward the center of the poster the center no yeah yeah go down why is go no why is my name in yellow i had nothing to do with that i don't make these decisions okay oh every other name one was white i understand yeah but bill Burr is white.
They could have put yellow in reverse. Anyway.
It's a great poster. And you know what's nice about it? It's your face.
It is not my tongue though. No, but what I'm saying is it looks like you.
It's weird when I see posters for films or television shows and it's like, that's not that. They've airbrushed it so much or they've done where you're like, that's the person that i know oh so this is your face it's nice that's a really good compliment that it looks like me still it is you what do you mean what's not you about that they didn't they you're just wearing makeup they didn't do anything to you thank you why you think did they do stuff and i just photoshop you yeah did they have to photoshop everyone like a little bit well they like you.
You know what I mean? They can't be you. She didn't get all your jeans, huh? What are you talking about? I mean, the smile.
Beautiful. Her mother, yes.
She's stunning, your mom. Thank you.
It's kind of a bummer. Yeah.
She took after her dad. Yeah.
Oh, really? So what does the dad look like? A Jewish man. Okay.
I see. I okay i see apparently the apple does fall pretty far away from the tree sometimes so um have you seen the movie yet esther uh i have i well i was involved in editing and stuff i haven't watched i'm gonna watch it tonight though at the premiere i'm not you know i'm going but i'm not watching it really i'm leaving i actually was considering that too because it is a little stressful yeah to be in a room of- The move is to leave.
Yeah. I'm leaving.
I left the last bunch of premieres. My agent was with me last time and he was like, after we say hi, just go inside and then we leave.
And I was like, is that a thing? He's like, yeah. What do you mean? We'll go get sushi.
Oh, okay. He's like, you don't want the anxiety of being in the room.
I was like, I don't. Yeah, it does feel scary.

And if you're comfortable with that feeling of being in that room, you're a lunatic.

This is validating me right now so much.

Thank you.

Is it the man Chinese?

Yeah.

Is the man Chinese?

Man's Chinese.

Oh, what'd I say? Is the man Chinese? Is the man Chinese? Yeah, yeah. Ask me, guy, I say is the man Chinese is the man Chinese yeah yeah ask me a guy question the man Chinese yeah it is answer it okay it is so it's a big theater right yeah yeah it's a decent my fear is that it's gonna be half full no shut up Bobby no because when I did but even if it is that doesn't scare me Yeah.
No, because when I did, I went to the Get Out premiere there.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

Anyway.

Well, why are you doing that?

Why are you pitting this against Get Out?

Both of them are directed by strong black men.

That's right.

Nicholas is black.

His butt.

Yeah.

You're obsessed with his butt.

I know.

I'm obsessed with Nicholas Goosen's butt. He brings it up a lot.
Have you seen his butt before? No. Wait, wait, wait.
In what world would I see his butt? If you see it, it's unbelievable. It's so puffy.
He's got a nice tush. He's Brazilian.
Wow. Yeah, yeah.
So how long are you in Los Angeles for? We actually leave tomorrow morning. So dad is here, but where is he? In the hotel? He's at my house.

He doesn't, he didn't want to come to any of the things that we had going on except the premiere.

Oh, cool.

What else did you do today?

Oh, I had a doctor's appointment and then I got there and my doctor, like the doctor had to leave.

So I didn't see my doctor.

That's like his movie premieres when you get into his office.

He's like, I can't stay around for this. I got to get out of here.
I don't want to go through with this shit. She had an emergency delivery.
Someone was sliding out. Yeah.
And is everything okay with your belly? I don't know how you say it. You know what I mean? I don't.
It doesn't feel good. That sounded right.
Yeah. Is boy? It's a girl.
Wow. Why is that your guess? Because you kind of have masculine energy, so I feel like it's, no, it's a girl.
And I think we said that you talked about the name, but you said you wouldn't tell Bobby. No.
I remember that, yeah. What's the name? No, she said she wouldn't tell you.
I can't say that. Tell me the name.
No, Dave said I can't. To me.
No. Specifically.
Yeah. Dave King said specifically I can't know.
That's what he said. Tell me the fucking name.
I'm sorry, mom. Tell me the fucking name right now.
I'm fucking tired of this shit. I've known you for 20 fucking years.
Tell me the fucking name. Sorry, mom.
The only person who knows the name is my mom and she hates it. How about this? You really hate the name?

Seriously?

We'll bleep it out.

Oh, wow.

We'll bleep it out.

Say it.

Cover your mouth and say it.

Yeah, I'm sorry she told me.

Oh, really?

Oh, no.

You hate it because it's...

No, I mean...

You don't like it.

Be honest.

Yeah.

It's not my first choice.

I think it's one of those like Levi or something.

Oh, no.

I wish it was.

Wow.

Astrid, please tell us and we'll bleep it out of promise.

If you promise to bleep it out.

I swear to God.

I will tell you guys and you can't tell anyone.

This is amazing.

Amazing.

Hold on.

There's only one person in the room we can't trust.

McCone, go outside.

McCone's got to go outside because you know he'll tell somebody. He's a yapper.
Get out there. Nick, make sure the door closes because he's a yapper.
By the way, hi, Pete. I know your wife is pregnant.
How beautiful, Pete. Congrats.
How many weeks is she? I can't believe I just kicked that guy out. Six months.
Oh, my God. Yeah, get him.
Let him in here. It's okay.
I was just kidding. Give me the name.
Give me the name. Okay.
Wait, cover your mouth though. Oh, okay.
You chose for the camera so they can't see. Because you have to believe.
Go ahead. What is it? You have to believe it.
Yes. And we all have to have an honest reaction.
Yeah. Okay.
And just know that most people don't like it. So I'm okay.
Stop setting it up. Just do it.
Most people hate it. Just do it.
Okay. So it's a girl.
That's important. Close your eyes.
Everyone close your eyes. Hands up.
It's important to remember it's a girl.

Got it.

And the last name is very integral to the storyline here.

Wait a minute.

Your last name?

No.

King.

King.

Right.

Got it.

That's very important.

Got it.

Got it.

Can we guess?

No, just let her do it.

Okay, the baby's name is...

Oh, wait.

Hold on.

Let's guess.

Bobby?

King.

King.

Because the king is crown.

Crown king. Crown king.
Crown the. Burger.
Crown the king. Oh, yeah, burger king.
Could be named burger. Yeah, yeah.
Crown royal king. Oh, very good, mom.
Oh, wow. She might need to fill in this chair sometime.
Yeah. She's better than Rudy.
Nat Cole. Nat, oh.
Nat Cole King. That's wrong, but I like it.

Nat Cole King.

Dr. Martin Luther.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's the kid's name Dr. Martin Luther.

Do you guys have a guess?

What do you guess, Pete?

Come on, Pete.

What do you think?

Something King.

Rat King.

Is it Theo Vaughn?

Tiger.

Tiger King.

Tiger King. Good.

Good.

I also want to say that Dave, he was the first one who pitched it and has since gone back on it but i'm like heels in the ground so you're all in no matter what yeah wow okay go ahead yeah but he here we go he pitched it for a boy oh all right eyes closed hands up hands up eyes closed all right, hear it naturally. React naturally.
Cover your mouth. Cover your mouth.
Okay, go ahead. Yeah.
King. Oh.
Oh, I thought everyone's. Look at me.
Hey, look at me. I'm absorbing it.
What? Yeah, I don't know. It's really bad.
It's. It's embarrassing.
It not just embarrassing I've never heard it why would you do that to that poor kid we love it we love it that's a great name very good my gosh original wait so you don't like it I actually I gotta tell you I'm not pandering I kinda like it it it's so cool i think it's i think it's pretty cool i guess and it's cute you guess no it's cool because i've never imagine meeting a woman i'm not gonna say the name again but meeting a woman with that name with that name i'd be like oh but the only are you a sniper yeah yeah the only thing is that it's a really kind of a weird name for like the child of me and Dave. Why? What would you want to be called? Anxiety? She's just going to be very, I think, you know, Jewish and small.
So what would you want her to be named then? What would be a better Jewish name? It's a gender neutral name.

Which I like.

But I think in school, everybody's going to assume it's a boy.

You know, anywhere she goes, they're going to think it's a boy.

You told me the name a while ago was going to be Schmaltz.

That's what she said.

Schmaltz King.

Schmaltz King. And honestly, at some point could open up a restaurant.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Schmaltz King sounds like a great spot.
I've been Esther Pavitsky my whole life, and so I'm overcompensating. To be fair, mom, to be fair, you did screw up on that.
Oh, that was not my choice. Oh, that was dad's.
Oh, yeah. Esther was...
Oh, yeah. The guy that got banned from Rivers got to pick this yeah yeah yeah i had no choice i i picked out the middle name actually i wanted her middle name to be her first what's her middle name lauren that's beautiful beautiful you know what you kind of look like a lauren yeah i mean well every jewish girl from back home yeah every jewish girl growing up you're the only one i know named that esther yeah well for this century Yeah.
Yeah. For the century.
For the past hundred years. No, you know what? I like that name.
I'm down with it. I did it when I was a little bit.
She hated it at first. Yeah, I did.
And then I envisioned when she grew up that she would go by E. Lauren.
Which is weirder. Or just Lauren.
Most people just do the middle name. Yeah.
You could have gone by like Bessie or what are other- Oh bessie right your husband's got a what was your maiden name before pavitsky oh no i don't you know is that illegal to put out to the world yeah because i want to know how much better that was too because then you got this man who's got shitty name taste and weird last name it was pretty bad yeah you double that you could do better i'll say it if you don't if you believe it out you bleep it out cover your mouth mom cover your mouth what is it that's not that bad no that's kind of cool pretty cool oh he'll bleep it out yeah so she she could have been lord that sounds actually rad that looks pretty cool to it it's very Midwest. It's like more Midwest.
Yeah. It's very not Jewish.
Yeah. Well, yeah.
I mean, once I see your face, mom, mom, when Esther years ago said, I want to do comedy. How'd you feel? Be honest.
I was shocked to be honest with you. Yeah.
Yeah. We are still shocked.
Yeah. We're pretty.
Yeah. It's, it boggles myles my mind boggles my mind so we thought she'd be a dancer because she's been dancing ever since she was five wow she actually does i have i do know this we've talked about this because my wife was a dancer as well and esther shares some of the same fluidity fluidity well you're coordinated oh yeah do you know, yeah.
Do you know Andrew's wife, Esther? Yeah. So you guys talked about dancing before? I believe we did.
Yeah. And also you guys used to be building mates.
Remember, you guys lived in the same building. Which one? 1111 North Dearborn? Yeah.
You used to live on, really? Yeah. What floor? 17th floor.
We were above you. Did you guys get it for like were you in the discount we let we had um i we were low income housing yeah it was yeah yeah that's how we lived there because of that uh because my mom we were my mom was a single mother so we got we registered for low income housing and that's how wow yeah at 11 11 that's so wild now where'd you go to school? LaSalle.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
I went to LaSalle. Yeah.
Do you know that? LaSalle Language Academy, right? It's not too far away. Yeah.
Yeah. And then Moody.
I went to Moody. So did my daughter.
And they removed me from Moody. Yeah.
Yeah. They literally kicked me out.
Yeah. She went the first year of preschool and then they had all day kindergarten.
That's wild. Yeah.
So you sent your kid to a Catholic, that's like a hardcore catholic school too see i like that i was a working mother so i hadn't you know yeah there was my sister wasn't jewish oh i really i wish i met her insane my sister wasn't jewish and then you met um estra's dad how'd you guys meet uh at work oh wow what would you work at the time? Can you say it? Yeah, Cook County Treasurer's Office. Cook County, baby.
Wow. Treasurer's Office.
Was it instant love or would it take some time? No. We were coworkers and, you know, I'd worked there for a couple years and, you know, we saw each other and then one day we went to lunch and then that was it.
Wow. So did he pursue you and you were okay with it right away? it's not one of those old stories from your generation where it's like couldn't stand the guy and then he kept bugging you no not at all okay good but you had a stalker oh tell us everybody loves a good stalker story yeah she she had like a guy who was stalking her that's why she so at her job she there my parents met working government jobs which is so cute um and this guy like was kept coming to her to find her and he broke into the building where you guys lived yeah wow yeah and so then they had to move her into like the underground floor you lived in the garage no like like they moved me to the vault to the vault in the cook county treasurer's office and then my dad also got moved to the basement because he was disobeying his boss i knew it was gonna be actually it was the first floor right yeah but you could tell he got he got he did something bad they were like you go down there yeah and so that's kind of that's such a cute story i mean it's no it is really i love that story it's not not like these days.
It's not like I was swiping on an app, taking a shit at a Starbucks, fell in love. I think when you meet like that too, it lasts.
Well, it has been. Look at this.
Yeah. I want to meet somebody where- What is it? 37? Yeah.
Wow. Wow.
Because right. Because Esther's 46.
Because when your mom met your stepdad, Jeff. Yeah.
Right. It lasted and they met in similar circumstances of where.
Well, my mom met my dad. My mom worked for the property management company that managed a lot of those buildings.
And she showed my dad an apartment. I think it was at, I think it was at, it was on LaSalle, but showed him in the.
Yeah. Because, because it was the same owner.
I was between Dearborn and LaSalle. Right.
And I think she showed him an apartment there and then he asked her out on a date. Wow.
I think that's how that, they met through that whole thing. It's amazing that you two from that region of the country came to LA and carved out a career.
That a testament to many things but your resilience subsidized housing subsidized housing but also the talent I think it's amazing because I've been out there you know it's harder probably because I grew up in San Diego it's a two-hour drive from LA it's not that big of a this was a big leap it's a big leap and a scary leap and your mom probably wasn't

that supportive right in the beginning no in the beginning yeah and it must have been a real um risk and you did it and now you're on a billboard and with a huge movie out that it's your movie it's your movie that's unbelievable dream come true oh let's clap oh what a beautiful story and you're about to be a I mean, it's like, what more do you want, asshole? That's the most amazing thing. That is.
What do you mean by that? That you're going to have a baby. Everything else you've done is shit, she's saying.
Mom, did you meet her previous boyfriend? It's like Tony Hinchcliffe. Oh, sure.
Yeah, yeah. Tony.
You like Tony? Red band. Red band.
Did you like any of the other guys at all or no? No, they were all nice. Yeah, they're nice.
They go to Tony's shows when he's in Chicago. Oh, that's cool.
Did you hate any of the guys that she dated? Was there any guys you were like, I cannot stand that guy? No. Wow.
But you like- They have low standards though for me. So like, I think they were just any, if I had a boyfriend, they were like, this is good.
But David's an upgrade for sure oh yeah he's a real upgrade he's a keeper yeah yeah it's so funny that they had low standards the way she said it they didn't believe in me at all but it was nice to hear you say that honestly that you didn't really support the dream when she first came out here no because she was her third year of college semester. Yeah.
And my husband picked her up at the bus station. She was coming home for the weekend.
And she comes through the door crying. And my husband's like, you're not going to believe this.
She wants to quit school. I mean, she only had maybe eight weeks left of her second semester.
No, but a year. And everything was paid for.
A year plus an additional, my senior year. Yeah, you had, you know, another year,

but we wanted her

to at least finish out

her third year.

Of college.

Yeah.

Where'd you go to school again?

Champagne.

Oh yeah, U of I.

Wow, that's a great school too.

Did you guys think she was funny?

Hold on, hold on one second,

one second.

No.

Bob, can you please?

It's embarrassing.

It's embarrassing. Shut the fuck up man shut the fuck up man it's my friend dude hey good question yeah good question did you think she was funny we didn't have a clue why she even wanted to go out there yeah right yeah she never made you laugh and can I tell you something yeah same no she is Esther is esther is a bright light in the comedy scene since we met yeah maybe i'd like to guess 15 years ago i don't know how long we've known each other yeah a long time a long long time guys yeah and what's funny is um this is going to sound very corny but i'm going to do it anyway because we're here.
There's sometimes when you're young, you just know some people have it. Some people are probably going to quit.
Some people are probably going to get too into drugs and alcohol or just disappear. And Esther was always someone that I knew was she was just going to do whatever she wanted to do anyway.
And it was going to work because she was just good at being authentic to what she wanted to do anyway and she was very good at whatever i explain to people asked her i'm just gonna get that over again i think you just gotta run with it i gotta run with it yeah um yeah i go um she's an anomaly yeah and there's just no one and i feel that way about myself too like I think that

I'm just

who I am

I'm different

focus on her

okay go back to you

yeah

Esther right

I forgot her name

that's Lauren

Lauren

so Lauren

and you

I've always got

as soon as I saw you

I got it

yeah you get it right away

I look at you and went

oh yeah that's

that's gonna work

you should be proud mom

oh I am

you made something good

and you shouldn't be proud

of getting banned from Rivers

but you should be proud of

I love you made something good and you shouldn't be proud of getting banned from Rivers but you should be proud of of what you've created on the other side of it yeah and we want everyone to please go watch go watch Drugstore June if it's available after it's on theater it's gonna be on VOD I imagine yeah it's already for pre-sale and I just have to say about my part in it. Oh, Lord.
You were great, Bobby.

No, I... Thank you for being a bad friend.

A bad friend. Woo-hoo.
Yeah. Woo-hoo.

Yeah.