Rudy & The Goop

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This is it. The greatest show on earth.
Sacramento and Long Beach are totally sold out. Then we go to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Niagara Falls.
Niagara's sold out. Windsor, it's right there about to sell out as well.
So if you live in Windsor, come see us. Come to Tucson, Arizona.
In Tucson, Arizona. And the final one, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Las Vegas, that's about to sell out as well. So come out and see us at badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com.
And also, bad news, good news. Good news, good news.
Good news is this. Good news is this.
We did a competition. That's right, a shirt competition.
What? A shirt competition. A t-shirt competition.
That's right. I knew I was going to win.
I always win. And I won.
By how much? A thousand or so. Yeah, way more than you.
So now what I get is a naked massage. Well, you're going to massage.
Naked? Yeah, you get naked too. No, you get a regular massage.
No, we said naked. We said naked.
We did say naked. Regular massage.
No, naked. If you want to see me pay the piper and do my due diligence, go to patreon.com slash badfriends to see the massage.
Patreon.com slash bad friends. Naked.
You're going to get what you want. Okay? Okay.
Pig? You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Goop dog.
Gooby goops. Goop dog.
Hello.

Do a song for goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop.

Goop. I can't be.
Ladies and gentlemen, the goop dog is back in the studio. Can you put the mic to your mouth, Goops?

This is a mic?

Yeah, mic.

I thought I was wearing the mic.

No, no, no.

You're going to put the mic to your mouth.

Still near your mouth, dude.

Okay.

Everything's fine?

Yeah.

Yeah.

You seem more panicky today.

Yeah, because I realized I can't be the goop anymore.

What do you mean?

Why?

I can't be the goop.

You don't like the nickname.

I love the nickname, but Gwyneth Paltrow is a goop, and I'm scared of Gwyneth Paltrow.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no.

They're two different goops. Yeah.
Gwyneth Paltrow has her line of cherry choo-choo candles. I don't.
I can't be the goop. I don't want to.
Buddy, buddy, buddy. Please insist.
Relax. You're the goop.
No, no, wait, wait. Her name is called goop.
You're the goop. Andrew, we should give him the opportunity to make up his own nickname.
Oh, no. Let's just try.
Let's see what he comes up with. Fuck that.
Goop, what would you like to to be called I like the goop because I didn't have to think of it Yeah I know So can we stay with the goop Yeah I do have a nickname But it's already taken in the comedy community What is it called I don't want to be it though okay Can I say something This eyebrow is thicker this time Yeah you grew one out Congratulations Thank. Really? Yeah, it's a little thicker.
Congratulations. Thank you.
It's uneven now. I'm balanced.
No, it's uneven. It's a little.
It's still uneven. It's still uneven, but what's the nickname in the comedy community that you're given? Oh, I wasn't given in the comedy community, but I can't have my out of the comedy community nickname because it's Coco, and there's already a Coco.
Coco. Diaz.
Joey Coco Diaz. Yeah.
Yeah, but he moved to Jersey, so you're, you know what I mean? You're good. Yeah.
Can you do an impression of Joey Diaz? He's Italian, right? He is Italian. So, hey.
Hey, that's all I have. It's gritty.
Let him do it. Oh.
Go gritty. No.
Imagine this. You smoked a carton of cigarettes in one hour.
Okay. And then all of a sudden, the spirit of JFK went into your throat.
Oh, wow. RFK.
RFK, my bad. Robert Downey Jr.? No.
I'm dyslexic, but... RFK.
RFK. You know who that is? Hey, God, he talks like this.
He's like this. He's married to Cheryl Hines.
But go deeper deeper isn't he trying to be fucking president this guy yeah yeah I'm doing a benefit show I'm doing a benefit show from I'm sure yeah oh I can't kid around anymore I'm doing a benefit let's move on I know wait let's bring up the lineup of who's on the benefit show for for RFK we'll go hi are you goop yeah is it Rudy Rudy that's the goop dog right there. I thought he'd be Asian.
You thought he'd be Asian. He did seem Asian.
Yeah. Shout out to the benefit for RFK, Cheryl Hines.
Tim Dillon, Rob Schneider, Bobby Lee, Dustin Ybarra, and Mike Binder. Yeah, Mike Binder.
I got to say something about this lineup All Star This is star studded Fuck you dude That's Chelsea Handler It's not Chelsea Handler, it's Cheryl Hines May I defend myself real quick? Why? I'm just teasing You can tease all you want That's why All right. But may I defend myself a little bit? Okay.
Okay. RF, wait, RFK, Cheryl Hines, they call me together.
Hey, Dika, will you mind doing a benefit for? Yeah, yeah. Or us? Well, talk to Cheryl.
Is that a disability we shouldn't be making fun of? No, it's just, I don't know what it is. Is he dying from that? No.
If he's dying from it, I can't make fun of it. If he's not dying from it, we'll do it.
Anyway, Cheryl gets on the phone. She said, can you do us a favor and please do this better? I can't say no to her.
You could. Spasmodic dysphoria.
Around 1996. One symptom with a rare neurological disorder is a raspy voice.
No cure. Patients can undergo surgery.
It kill him that's his red hair that's his red hair you know what I mean he's fine that's his Korean eyes I love my Korean eyes and if you have Korean eyes out there if you have Korean eyes out there be proud sleepy little boy you know who called me today? your mom I why I swear to god your mom called me I'll even prove it to you no I believe you she rung me up what'd she say just wanted to fucking link that's weird you know what she said to me what Andrew uh you're my sneaky link she called me sneaky link yeah you know what a sneaky link is you that I'm a side piece no that, that's not what it means sneaky link No sneaky link she called me that you're a problem solver Sneaky link is a slang term. They're first a secret discreet meeting between two people who are romantically interested in each other She called me say that she called me sneaky link No, or she said get a drinky drink.
I couldn't really make But I think she called me a sneaky link I swear oh That Oh, that's what she said. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Welcome also to the show.
The goop is back and also our beloved Rudy Jules. Rudy Jules.
Rudy Jules. Looking nice in her teddy fresh beard.
What do you think of the goop so far? I like his energy. It's like calming and chill.
What color is his energy? Yeah. Orange for some reason.
What color? Did you want to say pink you're red i'm red he's orange what's bob yellow that's not you can't yeah that's so racist you're right you know what your energy is shit brown poop no purple oh i had explosive diarrhea before okay coming here so end scene did you really have an upset stomach yeah What's been going on? What did you eat? I ordered coffee, but I forgot to order almond milk. I got whole milk.
Oh, you're lactose, like I am. Yeah.
Yeah. How are you? Is everybody lactose now? It's like a thing that's going around.
What do you mean? I feel like a lot of people are lactose intolerant now. Did you put on perfume this morning? Yeah.
Wow. You smell it? Yeah, I can smell it from here.
What is that? It's Tito Bobby's perfume, I asked. Wait, wait.
Did you ask for it or you took? I asked for it on my birthday. What was it? The Rouge Bak- Oh, that one, yeah.
Yeah. What is it? I don't know.
Rouge Bak-a-man? Yeah, Rouge Bak-a-man. Rouge Bak-a-man.
And you took the notebook, the notebook too no i forgot to get it all right yeah anyway goop how's the response been since the last time you were on our show oh my god uh i'm 800 000 people saw that episode i don't even know 800 000 people like it's it's overwhelming no one does do you think we know all of them yeah yeah you guys are 800,000 people saw it but even more people heard it whoa a lot of people listen to it yeah it's i've never i haven't gotten that much love and i didn't know there was that much love in the world for me it it was incredible you deserve it don't you't you feel good about it? What are you going to do with your newfound fame? I bought tickets to Adele's final performance. This guy, dude.
June 15th. You did.
That's her final performance. In Las Vegas.
I'm not going to Germany. Right.
Wait, you can't make me, huh? She lives in Germany? No, she announced a Germany residence. Oh, okay.
She's going to spend a whole, it's like a year doing shows just for Germans, huh? Yeah, which sounds kind of... Who's opening? Kanye? You like that joke? I do.
Yeah, you like those jokes. Dude, I got the goop.
And then you bought Esther something, no? Yeah, we're going to see Madonna. You got her the tickets.
Yeah second row i heard no it's it's it's a perfect view because it's from she has many stages so we're we're gonna be after all the stages in in the first row so she has like four stages i don't she has many four stages and you're in first row in all the stages no no no no um we're we're in a comfortable distance from, you know, there's two catwalks and then another catwalk in the middle. And then there's like a little break.
I want to make sure she could see. So there's a little break in the middle.
And then there's me and Esther and Emily. Who's Emily? From a comedy story.
The booker. Our Emily.
Our Emily. Oh, wow.
Wow. I have a feeling when this song comes up, you're going to get up and you're going to jiggle your little body.
There's no Madonna song that'll make me jiggle my body. Like a virgin.
No, I think my favorite song would be probably Frozen, or I like Miley's cover of Like a Prayer. Just like a prayer.
Is like the prayer, like you kneel down to suck the dick?

Yeah.

That's what it's about.

Is it really?

Yes, it's about giving head.

Like a prayer is about giving head.

That's why people were mad about it.

Oh.

And then the music video is with like a black Jesus, right?

Remember that?

People got really mad about that.

That's before your time.

But in the music video, people were upset. She's like kneeling in front of a black Jesus.

It's about, and I say black Jesus. I just say Jesus, because that's what color he was.
That's hot. Yeah.
And she was sucking him. Well, he was fucking her.
Wait, what's on his face? He's crying. That's tears.
Oh, okay. It looks like goop.
Yeah, it looks like goop. That's your there.
But he's half wooden. He's like wooden turns into a man.
It's like goop nut on his face. No's goop nut.
Goop dog, what do you think about Rudy? Do you know about Rudy on this show? I thought she was going to walk in and then she was going to be like, stop being a little bitch. Do you? Do you have any advice to give to goop Rudy? Not really.
He seems so cute. I just want to squish him.
Go ahead and squish him squish Mello it's in his contract that he's allowed to get squished it is dude you signed it Pauly squished me and he also said that he watched the episode and said it was like watching an episode of Love on the Spectrum and then I watched Love on the Spectrum and he's not wrong let me me say something. You gotta be careful with that guy.
Why? With Pauly? Yeah. Why? Just be careful, dude.
Oh, you're saying... Right.
Yeah, you gotta be careful. You in particular have to be careful.
Very, very careful. And when I...
Yeah. You'll get scratches.
Hey. Scratches.
You like scratches? I got blue... What? Balls? Scratches?

No, no.

Have you ever had blue balls, Scoop?

No, but I will call 911.

I know that, you know,

they're not supposed to be blue.

They're not supposed to...

They don't physically turn blue.

Oh.

Then why do they call that?

They don't turn eyes blue.

What are you talking about?

It just means when you have, like,

backup of semen

and you, like,

you get close to ejaculating

and then you don't and the buildup causes pain and discomfort. Yeah.
They call it blue balls. Have you had that? Have you ever had pain and discomfort in your nutsack? I have pain and discomfort everywhere.
Like, sometimes, yeah, like, and, you know. You have blue shoulders then.
I just, like, I have pain in my chest and I have a tingly feeling in my arm. Wait, which one? That's called a stroke.
This one. The left one is a stroke.
Yeah, I just ignore it. Yeah.
Don't ignore it. No, we got to go to the hospital.
It has to be three days in a row. Oh, you Googled it.
What fucking? No, it doesn't. One in a row is...
If you feel something, if your chest feels heavy and your arm goes numb, you're having a heart attack. I thought it meant you're in love.
Yeah. That tingly feeling in your chest and then, you know, it's love.
Yeah, well, you're going to be in love with the afterlife if you can. Goop, dope, goop dog.
Do you really get tingles in your arms? Yeah, but they blame anxiety. Now you're either having an anxiety attack or a heart attack and there's really no difference there's a huge difference really yeah massive massive one is one is is from the uh from the skull brain and the other one is your heart stopping so totally different things one of them is your brain going uh i'm afraid of the world yeah and the other one is your heart being like no they send the same signals they do feel the same no they same.
No, they don't. I've had panic attacks.
They don't feel like a heart attack. No.
No. And I hope you do not.
Have you had a heart attack before? No, but my dad actually had a heart attack. And also, I forgot to say he has up the butt cancer.
So he had many things that he died from, not just COVID and heart condition. Slow down.
Slow down.

We'll approach up the butt cancer in a second.

Why do you say up?

You just mean, did he have rectal cancer?

I think it's prostate.

Oh, yeah.

There's a lot of them.

That's up the butt, if you ask me.

It is.

Yeah.

Have you ever felt your prostate, Coop?

No, but I know that they say that, you know, you have to do it, but I'm only 27.

So maybe when I turn 37.

Have you ever put anything in your butt at all?

No.

No.

Goop, goop, goop, goop.

Look at me right now.

Okay.

Look at me right now, dude.

Okay.

I'm not judging.

Okay.

I love you.

I love you too.

And I love you to be honest with me. Okay.
We're friends. Okay.
And I'm going to ask you a direct question. judging.
Okay. I love you.
I love you too. And I love you to be honest with me.

Okay.

We're friends.

Okay.

And I'm going to ask you a direct question.

Okay.

Okay.

And I would love you to be completely honest with me.

Okay.

Have you ever had anything up your butt?

No.

Dude.

Did I pass?

I think he passes, dude.

Put both of your arms up in the air. I can't have jigglies.
No, put them both like this. Okay.
Alright, ready? Yeah. Will you look at me again? Hello.
Have you ever had anything up your butt? No. Okay, that's great.
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. See? No.
No. You're not supposed to do this.
Have you ever touched your own butt? When you...

Like your butthole?

For fun, for fun.

The hello from the other side?

Yeah.

I do like Adele, but...

Hello from the other side.

I'm scared of my own body.

Why are you scared of your own body?

I'm not like other people.

It is a hello from the other side.

Yeah.

That's Adele.

Adele sucks is like anal sex.

Hello from the other side.

That's what the song was about. bet that or bad reception but or ghosting i don't know it's her weakest song actually i can't believe it's a hit you don't like hello from the other side no no well let's pull up the lyrics to hello from the other side and i want to see what your biggest beef is with and listen up Adele because she's a big fan of the show.
Hello, it's me, right?

Hello.

Who did that?

If after all the years

Was that Carlos?

To go over everything.

They say that time's supposed to heal you,

but I ain't done much healing.

Hello.

You sing the next line.

The fact that you don't like this song

boggles my mind. It's such a beautiful- You get the next line.
Go ahead. don't like this song It boggles my mind It's such a beautiful You get the next line Go ahead Hello Can you hear me? That one? Yeah, buddy Can you hear me? No, no, no Sing Hello You know the how it goes Can you hear me? I'm in California Alright, wait Don't let him do it So Go, go ahead.
And go. We're recording.
I'm going to lip sync. No.
Hello? Hello? Come on, Goop. Hello? Oh, no.
See, if I could sing, I would be singing. You want to get a stab, Jules? Okay, let's go.
Yeah, she can do it. Hello? Can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be.
See, she gave it a shot. She gave it a shot.
It sounds nothing like a nail. People in their cars were turning down the high.
Yeah. Just give it a sec.
Give it a sec. It's hard.
You've got it. Just repeat after me then.
Yeah. Hello.
Hello. Can you hear me? Can you hear me? I'm in California dreaming.
I'm in California dreaming. About who we used to be.
About who we used to be. This is Bobby's version.
That's very good. When we were younger.
When we were younger okay i'm free it sounds like a country and free i've forgotten how it felt i've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet before oh that's a pretty song yeah well so you like it now okay look she had an incredible record and for this to be the first single off her new record, you know, it was a bit of a letdown because all her singles from the previous album was better than this, you know? But I like the second single off this album. Judgy.
You can't even sing it, and you're judging. Oh, I bet I can't sing.
Hello? No more singing. We did that part.
That part is, yeah, yeah.

Do you know what a couch quarterback is?

Have you ever heard that phrase?

If it's anything like this, it's probably not very comfortable.

No, a couch quarterback is someone who, at their house,

criticizes NFL players if they could do it.

And they're so indignant about it.

So you criticized Adele putting out that single, but you can't sing.

I can't sing.

I really can't sing. So you've got to give it props.
It's a great fucking song. It's a good song.
Okay. And it's a banger single.
Why not? It's a good intro. So you think if you managed Adele's career, you would have put out a different single from that album? I think after being gone for that long, maybe that was a good choice, but it's not her best song.
Yeah, hello. It's a reintroduction.
Yeah, it is a reintroduction. Yeah.
Okay, you guys win. Thank you.
Okay, thank you so much. Thank you.
I'd like to give you a gift. McCone, give him a gift, because I feel like it's a midway point right now of his comfortability on the show.
We're almost comfortable. Oh, my God.
Got you some chippies, bud. Whoa, thank you.
I just had a big dinner yesterday. I had the Lay's barbecue, which is a classic, but maybe I could, you know.
You don't have to hold it like a it's i like to hold burritos and babies like like yeah yeah i would trust you more with a bag of doritos than a baby for oh yeah that looks like you care more about that yeah that's also these aren't doritos you don't like this is just restaurant style tortilla it's a good starter chip it's started startup do you want a baby uh look at me right now you want a baby babe i love babies but i hate children exactly yeah so you could you could steal a baby raise it and then when it becomes a kid give it away again that's true i mean i really do want a pet i'm shoshonia i'm your wife i like that that's a pretty name name. Let's do a scene.
Okay. And I'm your bigoted neighbor.
Yeah. Greg.
Hi, Shoshonia. Look what I got.
I don't see it. It's not improv.
Wait, stop. Let's teach him the rules of improv.

No, that was improv.

He didn't see what you had.

You had to explain it.

No, but he's supposed to add information and tell me what it is.

No, but he just said, I don't see it.

You can't hold the baby like this.

It's not a baby.

Okay.

I'll give you the ultrasound.

Oh, oh shit.

Okay.

Greg.

Hello.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Look what I got. Hello.
Good morning. Good morning.
Look what I got. Whoa.
Where do you get back from? Well, I was feeling a little nauseated. And I went to the doctor.
And my doctor thought that maybe I was pregnant. And I got an ultrasound.
And here we go. Whoa.
We're having a baby. No way.
I was going to say we should have a dog but i guess we're having an armenian baby and it's furry and it's cute so it's like the best of both worlds um are you having a baby or are we having a baby no i mean you came inside me remember what do you mean okay you were there but that doesn't answer the question if you're gonna have it or if we're gonna have it together you remember in the missionary in the military remember you were looking at me right yeah just say what you said you said i'm about to come i'm about to goop yeah and then right and then right inside me okay and that's what look whoa is it a girl baby or a boy baby? It's a girl. Okay.
Okay. The sex scene between you guys is just like the one in Forrest Gump with him and Jenny.
They have sex in Forrest Gump? In my mind, that's the exact same. That is the exact same.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like how many pumps you think? Two? Not even.
He stuck it in a cane. Slip, bruh.
Yeah. Slip, bruh.
Because he had waited all his life. His whole life.
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Boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. Newsflash, Bob.
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I love when you do it. And I collected the hairs.
I saved them for you in a little Ziploc bag. I love when you do that, too.
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We thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast. Let me say something to you, okay? Okay.
We're family. Whoa.
No, don't wallow it. Okay.
Never wallow it, dude. That should feel nice.
You don't have any more. Yeah.
I drove by Forest Lawn on my way here and I thought of carlos why why because i passed by all my family members yeah oh they're all at forest lawn yeah how many do you think uh i think uh there's four buried together and then two buried together and then two buried somewhere else and then i might be missing a few well with the two that's buried somewhere else on forest lawn how come they get not closer to the we have prime real estate at at Forest Lawn. For your family, I'm sure.
Yeah, we have some great spots. You're not in my family.
Are you Forest Lawn Burbank or Forest Lawn Glendale? The one that's on the way here. Do you bring flowers? I actually don't visit people because it's kind of like, what's the point? But if I do go, I would.
But I'm not going to go been i've i go visit from the funeral every time someone dies we kind of see the other people but like oh so it's like a and i don't drive i can't eat for one yeah do you cry at funerals be honest at funerals yeah it depends rudy when's the last time you yeah i I think last week. But also, I don't cry a lot, so I force myself to cry.
What did you cry about last week? Last week, it was like a... Because I tried to force myself to cry, so I read negative comments.
What? On the internet? Yeah. How about you? That's how I cry.
Why do you do that? well don't look at negative comments Because then I can't cry You don't need to cry Does it hurt your feelings when you read in negative comments? Sometimes Yeah What's the meanest thing that you've read? It's mostly just Oh she's No They said I look like a giant blueberry That's cute Yeah that is true though Bring up the picture Bring up the picture of Violet from Willy Wonka That's what I pictured Somebody's got a painting Of your face with that fucking pose Can a great artist please paint The goop as violet That's's our shirt. Violet.
That's our goop shirt. Yeah.
You're turning goop, goop. Wait, goop, how old are you? No, I'm 27.
He said that. He said he's been 27 for over a decade.
Oh, he. You don't know.
He looks like 20. Whoa.
Whoa. See, the fuck he does.
No, he does not. Yeah, he does.
20 does not oh i feel like uh yeah i mean connection

yeah because yeah go ahead i was in special ed classes that's why that's why yeah but there was

this one special day where they were enrolling people in honors programs yeah and i asked my

teacher if i could be in honors programs so she wrote a recommendation and they sent me to honors

classes and they sent me back the same day back to special ed but in community in public schools

I'm sorry. programs so she wrote a recommendation and they sent me to honors classes and they send me back the same day back to special ed but in community in public schools you have the choice of choosing okay sometimes you would be so hard to teach yeah i'm a good listener i would get nothing done i teaching him i would just i would give up first day i know i can't do it i would want to just chat with them yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Like I couldn't be.
So somebody said you have to go to special ed. I was in special ed.
Why? I have a learning disability. Which is what? I have.
I think it was a mixture of. I just can't learn.
Yeah, but you. It's hard.
But you can't learn anything. You're intelligent, though yeah i can tell that you're intelligent so it's so what do you mean you just didn't absorb school shit yeah there was too much going on do you independently learn stuff on your own are you a reader yeah i i guess i i got right here to check this out here we go i i think you're undermining yourself and i think that you have information common knowledge that we all know and I'm going to ask you some questions and this is going to prove a point to your best of your ability you know what I mean why did we attack Japan with the two bombs Nagasaki and Hiroshima what led up to that those were the bombs names no those were the yeah those are the two guys two guys the two cities that we bombed hiroshima and nagasaki it sounds like it's like the olympic celebration uh when they have i what led up to that though here we go come on come on goop i don't have japan knowledge i don't even know a Japanese star.
I don't know. I think he's right.
Yeah.

He could be right. Give him another historical, common knowledge everyone would know.
I think that one was pretty easy. All right, here you go.
Let's see what Rudy says. How about that? Yeah, why did you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, go ahead.
Pearl Harbor? Yeah, Pearl Harbor. Exactly, Pearl Harbor.
Thank you. Do you know what Pearl Harbor was? Yeah, that movie, right? Yeah.
With that came in? Yeah. Yes.
And it's Private Ryan's or something? Fictional movie, Pearl Harbor. No, no, no.
That was about Matt Damon. That war was started over Matt Damon.
Yeah, yeah. The Civil War.
By the way, two goops, two goop chuckles for me. I got two.
Goop Dog, the Civil War. Yeah? Was between the who and the who.
The what and the what. The Indians and the Cowboys, bro.
You better believe it. You better believe it.
The Indians and the Cowboys. Did you say the Indians and the Cowboys? Yeah, and it's about being civil.
Whose team would you have been on? I would have to be the Cowboys because I can't pull off skirts and feathers and slits. I can't show legs.
You wouldn't look good. I have my mother's legs, but still.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, you would look good with those two little gun holsters.

Yeah.

You would look good with that and with the bullets over your-

I'm wearing jeans.

Yeah, that's what they all wore.

Rudy, I want to know for a second about how life is going because we're getting a little worried about you.

Well, my visa expires.

I know.

I know.

What's going on?

I have to go back. Shit.
When? Uh, June. Can we help this? We gotta help this.
Can we write a letter to somebody? No, I can just renew it. It's just a...
But you have to go home before you renew it. Yeah.
You can't do it here. No.
Right, so what if you go home and they don't let you back? I know, that's why I'm scared. Because they can do that.
they can deny it. I'd be so, we have to do something.
I know, I'll do whatever it takes. Well, I mean, number one, she's a public figure, a personality on our show.
What if they hate my... Yeah, they could.
No, no, they could. Yeah.
Yeah, they could. And I keep saying I hate white people.
Yeah, yeah, you do. Yeah, stop saying that.
Your visa end date is in June. You have to go home.
You have to schedule an appointment there and then they may or may not let you back. Yeah, because I heard from my cousin because he had a tourist visa when he was young and it expired and then he went to an interview and they denied him.
But this is different though. You're going to college.
She had a student visa. Yeah, that's different than a- I know, but the student visas run out when you're out of school.
Ask this guy. But you're still in school, right? How many more years? I have one more year.
So they can't deny me though. No, no, they actually can.
They definitely can. What? Well, because you're only allowed a visa for their- They don't give a fuck if you finish school or not.
They're just saying you have to finish it in this amount of time we've given you, and then you have to reapply. So she's got to...
I mean, we might not let you back in. Or you can get married.
Your boy. He can come through, dude.
Yeah, but he's scared of his mom because his mom's really religious. So what? She doesn't want you...
Wouldn't they want you to get married then if they're very religious? No, because she thinks we're still young. You are.
But you're Filipino. He's Filipino.
Yeah, but... You got that in common.
Would this be somebody you'd marry for real in the future? Yeah. Wow.
Wow. Holy shit.
How long? So if he asked you to marry you right now, you'd say yes? Not right now. No, if he said, will you marry me but down the road and give you like a, what is it, a promise ring? That's scary, but yeah.
Wow, he would do it. That's incredible.
Congratulations. Thank you.
Love. Have you ever been in love before this? No.
No. Have you ever been in love, Coop? No.
Well, yeah, but not real people. What have you been in love? What do you mean not real people? Like an Ottoman or something? Imaginary love? Yeah, Shakira.
Oh, Shakira. Imaginary thing.
You've been in love with people that don't know you're in love with them. Yeah.
Kind of like a stalker. Like unrequited love.
No, it was young love. What's young love that they don't know about? No, no, no.
No, young love is when two people are very young and they get infatuated with one another. That is a phrase.
You were just young when you fell in love with... Yeah.
Yeah. It's like the guy from Florida, the Bjork killer.
Yeah, the guy that... Bjork's dead? No, he's not dead.
But there was a guy who was so obsessed with Bjork. Okay.
It was a real thing. You could still see his YouTube videos.
Yeah, he went to Wicked like 24 times or so. or something no yeah and he um that you know back then he there was no like internet i guess so he went to ricardo lopez yeah ricardo lopez this guy so this guy so scary i know so he went to a fucking i'm not gonna say it but that doesn't what is he that doesn't not look like goop no no that doesn't look like you that doesn't look like no so he's like this is how scary this guy so check this out he goes to a fucking you know a bookstore and he goes to like the magazine section and he sees that bjork is in a photo with a black guy yeah right wait who's bjork you don't know bjork is see the girl right there touching her mouth? She was a singer.
She is a singer. She whispers.
She's very talented. Oh.
So Bjork took a photo with a black guy. So then this Mexican guy from Florida, the guy at the right, because that's the scariest thing I've ever seen in my fucking life, right? He goes, oh, no.
And he says the N-word of times. Yeah.
And it's like, you're going to die.

So you know what he did?

This is unbelievable.

This story.

So he decides to create a book.

Okay.

So he's going to go,

I'm going to pretend I'm like some sort of like literary company.

And I'm going to propose Bjork with an idea of like a pop-up book,

an interactive book where you can press buttons and stuff. That's right.
And in one of the buttons, a needle comes out with HIV. What? This was his plan.
That was his plan. Oh, plan.
Yeah, but he didn't figure out how to get, I don't know how you get HIV. You know what I mean? I think that was a problem.
I think they sell it at Ralph. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But like that, and then he killed himself. Yeah.
Via the phone. Yeah, right there yeah no but he he was a lunatic lunatic who who put his on he put this on video which was the craziest part his youtube videos are still his monologues is still online and we'll i will not support that don't no we're not gonna watch it but if you're at home yeah you can watch you can watch it at home yeah yeah yeah but it would this was like this was a big big deal it was like a big turning point because it's not like we hadn't had weird stalkers do crazy shit in the past yeah we have but this was something different there was like a breaking point do you remember how it was like such a it was creepy and scary scary yeah for the first time it was scary instead of just gross.
Imagine you're living your life. You're singing.
You're doing shows. Ma, ma, ma.
Yeah, yeah. Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma, ma.
Meanwhile, before. You know what I mean? My Japanese soccer? No, I mean, I'm sorry.
You're my Japanese soccer. Hey, bro, fuck.
I'm going to. There it is.
Yeah, yeah. Get some eggs over here, you know.
Mix it with this. Put a button in.
He has a grocery store checklist. He's like, book, yeah.
AIDS, got it. Needle, got it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's scary that, like, there are things going on in the world.
But you don't stalk. No.
Do you know where, like, these people live? That's their business. But I know when they're on tour.
Right. And she's not on tour.
You know where Miley Cyrus lives? people live that's their business but i know when they're on tour and she's not you know where miley cyrus lives yeah i lived close by you know where she lives specifically not anymore but you did goof what don't don't don't no no you don't i don't No. Don't implicate yourself.
And if you did. You would forget.
You wouldn't do anything. No.
No. Have you ever made fan art and delivered it to someone personally? I promise you that's exactly what.
Well, okay. Yeah.
Actually, that's what we did. But it was funny.
You know. Like you delivered to their home? Yeah.
Well, my brother kept bringing home people home people and i'm like what am i supposed to talk about with these people i was much younger so i brought out my crayons and my construction paper and we all made cards for miley cyrus and and one of them was esl so he wrote i love you montana so you know we had a few drinks and then we dropped off the cards and how old were you you You had drinks in your coloring? I was underage drinking. How old were you? Probably 20.
And you went to her house? No. It was fun.
It was like a little prank thing. You think she was pranked? Yeah, she got three cards.
Yeah. I imagine.
She ah call the cops no he's like you got me you drew a broccoli from my leg you know that's funny that's funny oh so funny drawings yeah i know it was innocent we're just kidding i know you're from a good place yeah a really good place so when you do get deported rudy do you think do you think you'll miss us? I i'll miss you guys i don't want to be deported i don't want it either but can i be honest with you you think i'm gonna get deported yes but i do too are you gonna go quietly no no okay good put up a fight yeah good rip everything i i um don't don't say it out loud because it's gonna happen no i I'm going to tell you how I feel, fuckface. Oh, okay.
Okay? You came, what, junior year in high school? Yeah. You lived in my house.
Mm-hmm. And I saw you go through it.
The trials and tribulations of life. Yeah.
And I honestly, I know sometimes I go, Dad's here when I call. Yeah, I know you're not.
I'm not your dad. You know? it feels like it there's there's parts of me that do feel like it that I did something to help you I helped a lot yeah and um you'll never be able to repay me but um I mean there's no way you don't know that maybe but she's on to something but it breaks if you were not let back in it would break my fucking heart

and that's why we have

as a bad friends company

seven eckies

whoever needs to get involved

we have to get

write letters to the government

I don't want to

I know

please

I don't want to

not for us

oh we'll make them do it

yeah

yes we will have someone

at the company write letters

okay

to the government

yeah

it'll

honestly

your honest opinion

of course you know me

no be no

I want to hear it out of your mouth Thank you. them doing? Yeah.
Yes, we will have someone at the company write letters to the government. Yeah.
It'll...

Honestly, your honest opinion. Of course you know me.

No, I want to hear it out of your mouth.

Look at her in the...

Look her in the eyes and tell you how you feel

about her. How about this? Yeah.

How about this? Do you know

that I would do it for you?

I think so. Yeah, same.
Do what?

Anything. Whatever she wants.
Anything

she asks me, I would do it. She knows that.
When I call her sometimes and she goes, Tito Andrew? It's always a question mark. Me too.
Because she's always nervous. Why are you calling? Yeah.
Because I should be texting. So you have his number saved.
Mm-hmm. Uh-huh.
And he greets me. Happy birthday.
Merry Christmas. I do.
And when I call you and we talk, you know that if you could, you ask me for anything, would I give it to you or get it for you? I think so. Yeah, I would.
Same here. I know.
You wanted me to fucking speak my piece. I told you.
There's no one in this studio that I wouldn't do everything for other than McCone. Yeah, me too.
Other than McCone. I fired you yesterday, dude.
What are you still doing here? People do hate that your head is behind their heads. I have heard this, that people go, what is that fucking guy's head lingering behind the head yeah carloski or fancy keeps him close and carlos by the way we we should give a little bit of credit if we're gonna bounce around the bad family room uh is sober now for over a month over a month very good better thank you yeah you know what it is honestly beyond look better i can tell that you're functioning at a higher level now i can feel you feel better about stuff when we text at night and stuff i can feel you're more like uh uh what's the word you're just more like involved and aware i also texted you what did i text you give me cigarettes no no not today not today not today last week what'd i say you're doing great but we're proud of you thank you man we're proud of all of our bad friends and we mean that and we don't want you to get deported and we want you to stay around the goop for a long time we're proud of all them and fancy we'll talk about it yeah morgan and morgan it's 2024 now so let's talk about something very important.
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That's right, yeah. What else is hard? I would say welding is hard.
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That's display.com slash bad friends. March 1st and 2nd, I'm in Phoenix.
I'm probably not going to be able to do that one. What's going on in Phoenix? I'm doing standup live.
With who? I'm just going to headline. So you're going out to do weekends again? Just one.
I'm probably not going to be able to do that one. What's going on in Phoenix? I'm doing stand-up live.
With who? I'm just going to headline. So you're going out to do weekends again? Just one.
I'm not jealous. I'm just interested.
Is this because we're prepping for something? No, I just... Can I be honest with you? Well, that's what we're here for.
Okay. It wasn't even me wanting to do it.
Well, then you could say no. No, but I know.
But it's like, you know who I'm talking about. Don't say her name.
Yeah. Right.
She was insisting. That you do it.
Yeah. And I'm like I did it for her.
I get it. Okay.
That being said I will announce that I'm putting together 10 club dates because I'm working on my hour. Good.
I'm going to be going out. Where do you want to go? I've already got it.
We already have them. They were.
I'm not locked into all of them. Are you doing clubs? I'm doing clubs.
I'm doing clubs. Two Friday, two Saturday shows to work out my hour.
Yeah, that's what I'm doing. Got a good amount of time.
That's great. But are you going to film it? Don't be that guy.
What's that guy? Arrogant. What you just said was arrogant.
No, I just said, are you going to film it? You know I don't have that. You know i don't have the technology or the equipment to do that all right so don't be that guy right now you don't have to record shut the fuck up what you can just have someone do you see what you're doing here i'm asking you a simple question are you going to be filming an hour at the end of this run i'm doing one weekend i thought you're going to start doing shows on your own yeah i got one weekend yeah you've won in you have one in the books now.
That's it. Short run.
Short run. That is equivalent to the amount of running you would actually do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little quick jaunt.
You know, the honest truth is I prefer staying in town. I like doing his shows.
I like being around my friends. I like being in town.
Yeah, I do. Is Goop also a comedian? He used to be He was And he's gonna get back into it At any moment Yeah We can feel it Because you gotta get ready For Long Beach I can't I will die I barely made it to Here Buddy No You have to do it You're going up on stage At Long Beach No It's not even that big of a deal It's like 5,000 people It That's it.
It's like a baby. It's way less than 800,000.
You're doing it too.

You know that, right?

Huh?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, you're coming out.

You're coming out.

I can't do that one, please.

Yeah, you do.

Yeah, you do.

I can't.

I can't.

Why?

Why?

Why can't you do it?

Because I'm one.

Why can't you do it?

Because I'm one of these away from a heart attack.

Oh, you're not.

You're fucking doing it.

No.

Stop living in fear.

No.

Bad Friends has no room for fear.

It's next week.

It's next week. It's next week.

You have plenty of time.

Plenty of time.

I literally almost died today, and I'm going to die tomorrow too.

You're not going to die.

I'm going to die.

I promise.

You don't have a choice.

Literally anyone after this.

I need more time.

I need time.

Don't ever call us again.

I need time.

Can I share a video too?

Yeah, please.

Yeah, go.

This is something I want you to be a-

Rudy texted to me.

Rudy texted to Carlos.

This is something I want your judgment on, Bobby, because you're somebody that is into

fighting.

You love professional fighting.

I love fighting.

And I want you to take a... Rudy texted to me.
Rudy texted to Carlos. This is something I want your judgment on, Bobby, because you're somebody that is into fighting.
You love professional fighting. I love fighting.
And I want you to take a look at this fight here and tell me if this was a fair fight. Yeah.
So far, pretty good. Pretty good fight.
Pretty good fight so far. And it's mostly kicks, which is strange.
No one's thrown a punch. Not one punch has been thrown.
No shoulder shot. You can do a shoulder shot.
Yeah. No arm barring going on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow.
No takedowns. I think takedowns, they'd have to pause it.
Yeah. If you're just listening, we're watching a video of two men fight without any arms in the cage, and it is pretty remarkable.
It's remarkable. And pretty good kicks going in.
No head kicks, though. Yeah.
Now, do you think you need an arm to get all the way up to the end? You know what I would like? Wait, look who won. Look at this.
Ready? And? And the winner is? Get your arms up there. Yeah.
You know what I like to see? You know what I like to see? The two-leg guy fight, you know what I mean, a two-arm guy. I would rather see a fight with two guys without legs.
It would be way doper to me. Yeah, that'd be cool.
Just two guys, just big arms, no legs. Just going at it.
Stumptown. What's this video that you sent? What is this? Let's see what this is.
Yeah, Bobby, you're in the Australian news. We made the Australian news? Oh, wow.
I'm in it? You sent this? I sent it. No, let's see it.
Bobby Lee, who gets an instant reality checked when he claims that Korea didn't oppress people or have slavery. But some societies, like Koreans, they might have a God complex, but they don't have a history of oppression, oppressing another group of people.
Each other, right? Are you out of your mind? What the ? What do you mean? You don't think Asians had ? They didn't oppress. Koreans didn't have slaves.
We didn't fly. Did Koreans have slaves? Yeah, Google that.
Yeah, because I think that's wrong. Docs laugh.
Somebody built them pyramids. It wasn't just somebody like you.
Pyramids? Korea had the longest unbroken chain. We were kidding about the Korean.
Korea had the longest unbroken chain of slavery of any society in history spanning 1500 years off that's not what it says my eyes are blurry I want to read it all right read it out loud you piece get close all right Korea had the longest unbroken chain of slavery of any society in history. You guys are scumbags.
I just love that. He's not a lefty, by the way.
I'm not sure where he is on the political spectrum, spectrum but that was hilarious now to a lefty losing it in lefty heartland this is weird is this this this is sky news yeah it's not like fox it's like sky news but she's doing lefties probably a lefty commentator a righty righty commentator she must be but sky news i thought was one of these kind of apolitical news thing right we made it onto it onto the news in Australia. I know.
Incredible. Fucking rad.
Yeah. Wait till we go down there and play those shows.
Maybe we'll make the news again, mate. Yeah.
And you made her laugh. Look at you.
She was laughing. Yeah.
She was laughing at you. Guess what? I make a lot of people laugh.
That's right, Goop. That's right, Goop.
We make a lot of people laugh. What's this Rudy wants? And guess what? Next week in Long Beach, you're going to make a lot of people laugh.
Whether you like it or not. That's way too sad.
Oh, God, Rudy, what is this? Is this a real balut? Is this balut? Mm-hmm. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. God.
I'm actually going to throw up because I can smell it from here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hmm. What is it playing with? It's brother? Is that another one in there? Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. So you'll just eat that? Yeah.
I'm going to throw up. Turn it off.
Yeah, yeah. But I've been craving that.
You know what? That's why we'll deport you. You're deported.
You're getting deported. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's insane. You're 100% getting deported.
Wait, can I share also my other craving? It's like this dried fish, but how they do it is they ferment it as long as possible until you get worms out of it.

Until it gets infected?

Well, they say once you have the worms, it takes out all the bacteria.

Those are maggots.

Yeah, maggots.

And then you take out all the maggots and then you eat it and you put tomato

sauce and everything. You need the tomato sauce.

Yeah. You definitely need the tomato sauce.

Is it Lapu-Lapu? No, no, no.

It's called

Tinabal. Yeah, but you have to spell

that.

T-I-N-A

B-A-L

Tinabal.

But it smells like pussy. Like bad pussy.
Okay. All right.
Okay. But it's so good.
Wait, wait, wait. Zoom on.
Zoom in. Those aren't worms on top of it.
That's probably some sort of- No, they take it out. Oh, they take it out.
So this is post maggot removal. Yeah, yeah.
Wow. It looks okay.
No, it does not. No, it does not.
It doesn't? But it's good. Okay.
That's what I've been craving too. So you really miss that and Balut a lot.
Mm-hmm. Ten abal.
When you get back there, are those your first two meals? Yeah. Yeah.
That's so funny. That's like I go back to Chicago and I just want Italian beef and she goes back.
gets maggot fish Bro That Italian beef Remember you gave me that It's the best dude You changed Dude can I say something Yeah You've changed my life In so many different ways You've changed my life In so many ways No but in terms of like foods Same I'll tell you what That Italian beef Give you another one Give me another one That you've inspired me Well you tell me I don't know the eggs with the fucking baked beans oh my god i would hello i know goodbye hello and come on back yeah i'm all around i love it i love it too you and me have introduced me to do new dishes in korean barbecue that i've never had yeah and you've introduced me to music warren's of on yeah yeah hello hello goodbye goodbye ain't coming back come okay no not coming back yeah yeah. Coming back.
What else, dude? We've influenced each other in a wonderful, beautiful place. I love you so much, man.
You're my best friend. I really do love you so much.
I love you more than I love anybody. And I mean that.
And I'm saying that. I'm doing the podcast with Adam Eget.
Fuck. I knew this was leading up.
I'm not, I'm not. I knew it was baiting.
I'm not, I'm not. No, but you really have, you know.
You changed my life. Who's changed your life, Goop? Not Miley Cyrus, but in terms of somebody in your life.
I think he was going to say Miley Cyrus. I know he was.
That was very smart. Is there anybody in your life where you go, wow, that guy really, if I didn't meet that guy in the right time.
That guy or girl changed my life. Changed your life.
I like my brother. Okay.
Did your brother change your life? Yeah. What has he done for you that really stood out?

He pushed me to go into improv and learn how to play nice with white people.

And then that was the first step.

And then I took Sam Shorts class. You got to play nice with the white people.

Yeah.

That's where I learned.

Yes.

And actually I failed improv.

They made me take it again.

I took one-on-one twice.

Look at what I got here. I'm Beyonce.
What is this? That's a MRI. It's an ultrasound.
Ultrasound. Yeah.
Well, the improv paid off. Yeah.
That's for sure. MRI.
But no, that was very nice. MRI.
You say whites as if you don't appear to be a little white yeah you look white goop what thank you it's not a compliment but I'll take anything as a compliment okay it's funny that day that you did the podcast you also sent me a photo did you not yeah is that the goop dog that's the goop okay so by this photo we can tell you're you're not 27 how that van is from the fucking late 80s early 90s yep this is really good zoom in on the license plate i want to see the registration year oh you know what that is what does it say i know what that says 84 84 so you say? I know what that says. 84.
84.

So you were born in, what is this, 78 or 79? How old is he here?

What?

How old are you here?

Probably two.

He's about six years old there.

No.

I'm practically standing.

Five, five, five.

No, he's three or four.

Three or four.

Yeah, give or take.

So in 1980, you were born dude what a cute baby man congratulations still a cute guy greg cute guy but now we found out you're born in 1980 is that i'm trying to figure out if you guys think i'm younger or older than i am i don't i'm still doing the math you're 43 yeah no oh my god no no no no no i'm getting the shit out of the stick it funny i want to show what is it i want you to watch this so this is a guy named charleston white who is maybe one of the most prolific uh comedic internet personalities i think i've ever seen in my life and the guy in less of course is is cam newton who's a football player let's hear what he's got to say i list of names. Describe each person using the first word that comes to mind.

Will Smith. Gay.
Jada Pinkett Smith. Fucked up, bitch.
How would you approach a woman like

Brittany? You got to handle a rough. You got to be a dominant man to deal with

Thank you. you gotta handle a rough you gotta be a dominant man to deal with Britney Britney Renner when you say rough you're not talking about domestic violence yeah pause it so what do you think about Charleston's answers there is every relation needs someone one of the two people need to get they ass whooped? Is this Cat Williams' nephew? No.
This is Charleston White, baby. He is his own entity.
Do you think in a relationship there needs to be one person needs to get they ass whooped? How do you feel? How do you feel, Goop? No. No, no ass.
Not in a relationship that's willing, if you guys are in it were you ever hit as a kid i'll answer that please goop were you struck as a child did your head did your dad hit you to be continued which is the camera they're all there's a whole bunch of cameras okay well you were then no no no no no no that's actually that's a bad place to be continued no never were hit ever not never no no i mean like they weren't like you know abusive at all but they hit you no uh i had a different growing up situation because you know anytime they were sick of one of the kids you know like like i mentioned before like i had like three aunts and a grandmother living in one four apartments and then the house in the back so they could just you know anytime they're sick of you they just push you another apartment yeah they play a game it's it's called uh it translates loosely they the the the mother or whoever's sick of you will send you to someone else's house and they ask do you have it it's called dut brahma dut brahma yeah which means hold this child and do not let him go and that's how they would get little breaks from us oh so then they would just pretend to look for things and then just keep us occupied but they they wouldn't hit us. I want to play Duke Brockma.
Wouldn't you love to play Duke Brockma? Like if you had a baby with your wife, you could Duke Brockma me. You or the baby to you? You send them over to Bobby's.
You think I would give you the baby to watch for a while just because? No, I just i could do your house no okay no no no i'm not we're not gonna play then this duke it's a fun game this is emotional sabotage yeah yeah it's terrible duke brakma is bad it's bad that's what i meant it sounds like a torture technique no you just basically look at cabinets forever and wait for for them to find an imaginary thing And then when enough time has passed, then they grab any random thing in the house and say, oh, I found it. And then they send you back off to your parents.
Did you have an imaginary friend? I did. What's the imaginary? Out of spite.
We talked about that, right? Didn't we? Did we talk about that? Shakira? Oh, no, no. She's not imaginary.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's real.
Yeah. No, I did have an imaginary friend, and I think that it basically had a span for one day because my parents had enough.

Because I cried because they sat on her, and they said, this is too much.

Your parents sat on your imaginary friend?

Yeah, I just made a whole big thing.

That's abuse.

Your parents are pretty abusive at times.

Yeah.

Emotionally, emotionally.

That's abuse.

What did your imaginary friend look like? It was a girl. I was mad that day.
I think I made her on purpose. Yeah, yeah.
Human though? Yeah, yeah. I didn't know any other kinds.
Yeah, yeah. No, but he means what did she look like? Yeah, did she have like a little horn? I mean, as an imaginary friend, we only spent a day together.
I wish I, you know. You don't remember her that well.
Yeah. Not that good of a friend then, huh? Not a great friend.
Imaginary acquaintance. Where was your favorite hiding spot when you were a kid? I would hide because I would have to poo, but I didn't want to poo.
So I would hide behind a tree and then just poo there. yeah okay that's where you went to the bathroom that's not i guess i guess i regret not really a hiding spot that's my hiding spot that's where you pooed you don't you don't hide where you poo that's what they kept saying to me that's the old friend yeah don't shit where you sleep but you hide where you poo i think that's a great hiding spot, Rudy.
Can I open my present?

Yeah.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

Who gave you a present?

The Goop.

The Goop brought Fancy a present, but not the two guys that put you on the show?

Well, technically, I booked him.

Speaking of the mic, first of all.

Technically, I booked him.

Technically, you arrange his arrival.

Right.

We made the choice to put him on the show.

Sure. So that gift is ours, whatever it is.
You know what now? We get an extra hundred. Oh, okay.
On your shows. Happy to discuss.
Yes. No, no, no, no.
That is actually it. That's it.
No, that's more of... What is it? What's the gift that you were given? Oh, my God.

I did it.

It's OJ's book.

That's very sweet. I did it.

Right?

Confessions of a killer.

Yeah.

We know.

No.

Yeah, that was for what he said at the end of the last podcast.

What do you say?

Well, because we blamed him for killing his whole family.

Yeah.

But you really didn't kill your family.

No.

No.

No.

Okay.

No.

You don't have a violence freak in you, do you?

No.

No.

Have you ever killed anything not even a not a bug spider well i see i i won't kill it but i i kind of if i there is a bug that i don't want there then like what happens i have to tell someone else to do it destroy come kill this please yeah but you live's going to come kill it now? Well, my dad used to live up there, so now I have no idea. I'm going to have to be a big boy.
Maybe he's ghosts. I hope so.
Oh, your dad's ghost. You believe in ghosts, right? I try not to.
I think I have enough to believe in, honestly. Okay.
Yeah. I would watch a show called Goop's Ghosts where he's a ghost hunter.
Oh my god. It'd be amazing.

You'd have to quietly eat chips while you're hunting though.

You don't want to scare the ghosts.

They'll find me for sure.

Put the chips down maybe.

No, no, no.

It's been an hour of it. It's an hour of you holding that.

So Goop, you know what you're in for.

You're coming to Long Beach and you're doing this show.

No.

Go ahead and tell everyone thanks for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend.

Smile. Go ahead and tell everyone thanks for being a bad friend Thank you for being a bad friend Smile You're the one that's getting naked You're getting naked too No you're getting naked It said you too What are you talking about No you're naked too says both.
We fucking been killed, dude. Roll those hairs out.

You're naked.