Rudy Rates Drake’s… Personality

Speaker 1 Hey, bad friends. We're on tour still.
We have the last leg. That's it.
We have Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Yep.
Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. Oh, yeah.
Tucson, Arizona. We're going to the desert.

Speaker 1 Yeah, buddy. We're going out.
Yeah. Las Vegas, Nevada, closing it out.
We end the tour 4:20 in Las Vegas, Nevada. Please join the Bad Friends.
We will not be going out for a long time now.

Speaker 1 We've got our own stuff going on. We're going to tour separately.
We might not go out for years. Who knows? So go to Windsor, Ontario, Canada, or Niagara Falls, or Tucson, or Vegas.

Speaker 1 Go to badfriendspod.com for tickets. Badfriendspod.com.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. What are these pamphlets that you don't even know? It's from the fan, the religious guy.
Oh, yeah. Oh, my God.
We got to talk to you. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This guy. Where was it?

Speaker 1 In Salt L. No, no, no.
Reno? No, Salt Lake. No.
No, Reno. No, Temecula.
God damn it. Temecula, right? Yeah, he comes solo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we have. He has plastic see-through bags.
Yeah. Right?

Speaker 1 And, you know, so when we do meet and greets, we like it when the fans have a bag because you never know what's going to happen. The gifts are amazing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's either like somebody hand drew a naked photo of my penis or they'll. We've gotten like 30 of them.
30 of those, right? Right. For some reason.
Or like, you know, a letter of some sort.

Speaker 1 Like, you saved our lives

Speaker 1 with the

Speaker 1 art. A dope.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But I know, but we appreciate

Speaker 1 the fans so much. I really do.
And we we throw it in the garbage. No, we don't.

Speaker 1 You're sick, dude. No, we keep it.

Speaker 1 Anyway, we have a warehouse full of them. We actually do have a warehouse.
Thank you for the gifts.

Speaker 1 And we love them. So a man came up to us and said, Rudy, you're going to love this.
And hi, Rudy, welcome back. Welcome back.

Speaker 1 And your headband is on backwards, but leave it that way because that is perfect. No, no, leave it.
Elove. Elove.
Evol. Evol.
Evol.

Speaker 1 Evol.

Speaker 1 Ebola.

Speaker 1 You are evolved. Ebola.
Ebola. No, evol.
Evol.

Speaker 1 Evol.

Speaker 1 Evol. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, God. You're going to be this slow all day today.

Speaker 1 Jesus. This guy gave us, so he came up to us and he said, I think you guys would be interested in my church and my God.
And I said, would your God like us? Does he know about the show?

Speaker 1 It's almost as if, what show are you watching? He loves us. I know, but it's like, but

Speaker 1 he understands that if we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, the show changes. No, that's not true.
We can accept Jesus Christ. We talk about rabbits and sewing machines and all that stuff.

Speaker 1 Jesus invented all that. Oh, yeah.
Lord is behind all that. The Lord did it.
Have you ever heard Jesus style?

Speaker 1 What? You just go like this? I have. You pump away.
Yeah. You've never done that? Yeah, but so much blood on the hands.
Too much. You know what I mean? And I bleed out.

Speaker 1 The Bible prophecies about the second coming of Jesus. So he handed us these pamphlets and he goes, I really think you guys should, I really think you'd benefit from Lord.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I think I agree. You think we should use Lord more? Should we be more Lord-like?

Speaker 2 Is it like a different Lord where like it's like the religion is about like sex and like butt-fucking?

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no,

Speaker 1 what the fuck. What is that? I've never even heard of that before in my entire life.
It's like a volcano Filipino mountain god or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 How many gods do you have in the Philippines?

Speaker 2 We're Catholicism, so like

Speaker 2 we praise to like three three gods?

Speaker 1 I think Catholics only have one God.

Speaker 2 The Holy Son.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 the Spirit.

Speaker 1 The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Yeah, we...

Speaker 1 That's all the same guy. Oh.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Unfortunately, it's the same guy.

Speaker 1 Here's my fear. The Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost is different, but it's the same guy.

Speaker 1 It's like Steve Buscemi in Big Lebowski, in Conair, and

Speaker 1 in Billy Madison. Did you see that theory on the internet? Did I send you this?

Speaker 1 That they exist all in the same universe? Yes. Let's go to that theory after this God thing.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 My brain is running. I know it's

Speaker 1 running real wild. Well,

Speaker 1 I'm free today. And free too.
When it rains, I get free, baby. It pours.
That's what my grandfather used to say.

Speaker 1 When it rains, we pour. Anyway, when it rains, we pour.

Speaker 1 Are you

Speaker 1 is your boyfriend doing anything for you for

Speaker 1 Valentine's Day?

Speaker 2 I don't know yet. Maybe.

Speaker 1 Well, the good news is you can dump that guy because we have prospects that want to take you out for Valentine's Day. Yeah.
Who? Go ahead, Carlos.

Speaker 1 A lot of people reached out to the Carlos in the booth Gmail after a couple weeks ago when you said that you were open to dating a woman.

Speaker 1 A lot of people sent in applications, and we got a few of them right here. So we got a few right here.
Bridget M. I'm a 24-year-old living in Lake Tahoe, and I'm a ski instructor and lesbian.

Speaker 1 She's pretty. I heard the Bad Friends episode about Rudy and her curiosity about women.
I've been gay for a while now, and I'd love to take Rudy on a no-pressure, fun date.

Speaker 1 I'm an easygoing, fun, loving sweetheart. Big fan of the whole crew, and wish you all the best.
Let me know if you have any questions. Best, Bridget M.
What do we think about Bridget M?

Speaker 2 She sounds fun. That would be nice.

Speaker 1 You go skiing with her?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've never done skiing, so she can teach me.

Speaker 1 She would love to teach you. She'll teach you pizza pie.

Speaker 2 She's pretty.

Speaker 1 She is. So

Speaker 1 what do we think on the scale of would not date zero? Definitely would five out of one out of five. It's not a judging her looks or just judging the likelihood.
The vibe, the vibe, the vibe. Eight?

Speaker 1 Okay, it's out of five, but yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's okay. It's all right.
So you really like her?

Speaker 2 No, probably three.

Speaker 1 Okay, three. All right, let's go.
Let's see the next one.

Speaker 1 May I judge? You can do. Yeah, go back up.

Speaker 1 May I judge? Okay, one out of five you'd take her. Are you going to judge or no? No, no, I'm not a lesbian.
Oh, either am I, but okay. May I try? That's debatable.
All right.

Speaker 1 A four.

Speaker 1 So a four, you would go on a date. If I was a woman, yes.

Speaker 1 If I was a woman, my fear would be she would be a ski instructor. I'd take me on the hill.
I'd embarrass myself in front of her. Yeah.

Speaker 1 With the pole, you know what she can do with, you know.

Speaker 1 Oh, she's like, hold on to this. No.
I know where to put this, you know. Ah.
There's two of them. Oh, right.
All right. Let's go to the next person.

Speaker 1 Olivia M. It's Olivia from Dallas, 25.
I think Jules and I have some common interests, but I also believe we have a similar sense of humor, and I appreciate how straightforward she can be.

Speaker 1 I'm also recently opened about my bisexuality so we could find comfort in each other and with any initial awkwardness. Anyway, I'm an office manager by day.

Speaker 1 Beyond that, I enjoy riding motorcycles, playing video games, and adding to my Star Wars collection. I'm not much of a partier.
I don't drink or smoke.

Speaker 1 I'd much rather spend evenings unwinding with an anime binge. Not sure if I'm her type, but worth a shot.

Speaker 2 She's so cute.

Speaker 1 She is. Yeah.
One through five.

Speaker 1 I have a boyfriend.

Speaker 1 No, but it doesn't count if it's a girl. Yeah.
yeah. Yeah, that's the rules.

Speaker 1 Hypothetically. No sound.
Hypothetically. No, no, no.
Everybody knows. That's the rules.
That is the rules.

Speaker 1 Like, I have my guy. Yeah, I have my guy, too.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 This one's a five, I think, I know. Yeah? Yeah.
Well, she's got a job. She has a car.
She could also be.

Speaker 2 We haven't seen the other candidates, so let's put her into four.

Speaker 1 Whoa, whoa.

Speaker 1 You might go back. You might go back.
All right.

Speaker 1 You're a little bit of a snob, though, huh?

Speaker 1 You want a roster? You want to get four reserve?

Speaker 1 Five, for sure.

Speaker 1 she's beautiful

Speaker 1 she's gorgeous she could also be two foot two foot eight you can't oh the but man anyway no she's leaning against a vehicle she was doing that to show you scale how old is she oh no unless that's a micro car that's

Speaker 1 that a little i think it's a catfish you think it's a catfish this little blurry right there i don't know oh wait wait what do you mean what do you mean like who takes a it's not like in 1080 zoom zoom in

Speaker 1 that looks pretty legit to me lois who takes a photo in the office like that that's how it got to be her work photograph it's got to be no but that's how people that's how catfishes use photos like this.

Speaker 1 They do? Yeah. Have you been catfished?

Speaker 1 No, because that looks like a, what do you call it? One of those like stock,

Speaker 1 like a stock. A stock photo.
Yeah, yeah. That doesn't look like a stock photo.
This looks like a real. Okay, it's the same girl twice.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, obviously, yes. It's not fake.
All right, let's move on. God, I would get catfished, huh? Yeah.
Yeah, I bet. The next one is

Speaker 1 Elsa Y. Hey, bad friends, pod.
My name is Elsa, 22 from Seattle. I love the show.
I think Rudy's cute as hell. Super funny.
I'd love to go on a date with her.

Speaker 1 I think we might be a good match because I'm also bicurious. I have kissed a woman and it was awesome.
Look at that. She likes pussy.

Speaker 2 Oh, and she has a cat?

Speaker 1 That's not hers.

Speaker 1 That's just for the photo. Oh,

Speaker 1 three.

Speaker 1 Three. Okay, let's see the next one.
How many of these do we have? Eight. That's a lot.
Let's keep going. Madeline, 22-year-old woman, lives in Illinois.
I'm getting out as soon as humanly possible.

Speaker 1 I like Rudy.

Speaker 1 Many others. One of the most perfect additions to the podcast.

Speaker 1 Makes me laugh. Chilled out personality.
Not sure what interests are. I'd be more willing to learn.

Speaker 1 I did see her briefly enjoying a knife, which is sick. As I love.
Yeah, yeah. What's a bell song?

Speaker 1 Bell song. Bally song? I can't see it.
Zoom in. What is it? Bally songs.
What's a bally song?

Speaker 2 Bally song.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know. Is that your language? Bally song? No.
Bally song.

Speaker 1 Personally, my favorite thing to do is to learn. I'm pretty down to do anything with seeing new places.
What's a bally song? Google what that is. I got to be honest with you.
And that second.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a butterfly knife. Oh,

Speaker 1 that's cool. You know how cool that that is to do that thing? You know how they flick it? Yeah.
Go back to the photo. Isn't that Dylan Klebold on the right?

Speaker 1 That's not the Columbine shooter on the right?

Speaker 1 That is very much

Speaker 1 Columbine-y. This is honestly, this is what Carlos likes.
Really? Yeah, wild. I could die.
Well, she's got a ferret there. Or is that a...
What is that? Is it a ferret?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Bobby's projecting right now onto me. You can tell how quickly George knew what a ferret was.
He's like, that's been up my ass.

Speaker 1 No, because I went out with a girl since Kalalina broke up, and she was like super poor. And I went into her bedroom, and she had like, you know, like skully kind of posters and stuff.

Speaker 1 No furniture, but on her thing was like switchblades and, you know what I mean? Like other clippings of nails on the table. Just weird shit.
Some residue, you don't even know what it is.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And so you look at the sheets and stuff. You're like, oh my God, it's so dirty, right? That sounds kind of familiar.

Speaker 1 Were you at your house?

Speaker 1 You just walk into your room. You're a real fucking asshole today.

Speaker 1 So keep going. She had dirty little sheets she had.
Anyway, was the sex good? I never fucked her, but I made out with her. And in my mind, I'm like, oh,

Speaker 1 I'm into this. Oh, you like bad girls? Like a danger, like Harlequin.

Speaker 1 Don't you love Harley Quinn, Nick? Yeah. You know what I mean? Nikki loves that kind of stuff.
And you have like your girl that you're going to go out and burn things down.

Speaker 1 She's like, meet me at the cemetery at night. Yeah.
That's the start of the date. And then you watch a movie there or what? No, you just chase each other around.
Now they do the movies and the.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, go ahead. Let's move on.
You like her? One through five? Three. Three.
Okay, there's another three. I'm a four.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is Michelle N.

Speaker 1 My name is Michelle from San Diego, Bobby's hometown. I'm submitting my application for a girl, Juliana, my hands and knees for a woman.
I'm on my hands and knees.

Speaker 1 I'm 21 years old, and I'd love to court her. Four.
Well, she's biting a girl right now. Why? You know why? Biting a cat.
Because she's brown.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Let me say something about white people.
What? I want to defend, I want to defend George, Nick, right?

Speaker 1 They're pure people,

Speaker 1 and let me say something about that, okay? That's right, brother. Yeah, there are pure people, preach the word, brother.
They're dry, that's right, they're skinny super dry.

Speaker 1 I'm cracking right now, right? They, when they, when they age, they shrivel up, oh, yeah, like a raisin, like Clinton Eastwood men, right? Get off my porch, Karina. Some of them are like

Speaker 1 they seem dirty.

Speaker 1 What kind? What? What kind? You know what I mean? Yeah, this type. What does that mean? Decrease.
I'll just say your name. You're here.
All right. They seem dirty, but let me say something.

Speaker 1 Creative as fuck.

Speaker 1 Like when they come up with, like, back in the medieval days, with like.

Speaker 2 So you're saying.

Speaker 1 What I'm saying is that you're based on the photo, she wasn't the hottest one, but just because she was brown, you chose

Speaker 1 because you feel safe. No.
Because you think black people are evil.

Speaker 2 No, I think she's really cute.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And also, she thinks white people are evil. These two things can coexist.
Am I too much today? I think I'm. I think you're right on that.

Speaker 1 Should I calm down? I think it's cool.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm like very. No, no, no.
Are you excited? Nick's here or something?

Speaker 1 No. I thought that was the excitement.

Speaker 1 Our good friend Nick Christ is in the studio today. I love him, but.
Well, what?

Speaker 1 He's being fine. Stop judging.
I wasn't. We're not judging you.
I feel like I'm elevated or like yelling.

Speaker 1 Well, it could be George is here because when George is here, it kind of tunes you up a little bit.

Speaker 1 It gets me riled up. It does.
Why is

Speaker 1 why is Fancy not here? He's on the East Coast.

Speaker 1 He's out of town this week. I still also want to read more of this, okay? Okay, that's okay.
Let's keep going.

Speaker 1 There's Holly L. Too much to read.
She's 22 from the UK. Despite us English girls being known for looking like Gorlock, I can assure you in my photos.

Speaker 1 Five. I absolutely do not.
I'm very single, interested in, not interested in anyone in England.

Speaker 1 It's dire times.

Speaker 1 I would marry her here right now, five. She said she loves dogs.
She has a black Labrador. She underlined black and all caps for some reason.
I have black nuts. I'm extremely adventurous, foodie.

Speaker 1 She loves food.

Speaker 2 She looks like she's a dom.

Speaker 1 She's a dom. Yeah, you're subfood.

Speaker 1 Yeah. She's pretty beautiful.
What do we think about this girl? Three. What? You're so fucking dumb right now.
Fucking dumb. So we're not going to be able to do it.

Speaker 1 Dude, fuck you. What is wrong with you, dude? We're giving you fucking white.
That's prime white. It's also English.
Prime, prime white. But I want to be a little bit more.

Speaker 1 This is OG white. OG white, dude.

Speaker 2 Can I try my first time with my own color?

Speaker 1 You fucking bigot, dude. You're such a racist.
It's so crazy. Get outside of your own circle.
You know what, dude? What? We're kind of agreeing with some people about the borders.

Speaker 1 I'm tired of it. I'm on your side.
I told you, brother. I'm telling you, we got to close it up.
Yeah. The separation maybe's right.

Speaker 2 Okay, fine. Four, four.

Speaker 1 No, don't stand. I'll do four.
Five it. Go down.
Give her a five.

Speaker 1 All right, the next one is Sadie B. Sadie, 24 lives in southern Maine.

Speaker 1 She wants to, she, I look tough because I work in a prison. Whoa, whoa, and I'm also very soft and silly.

Speaker 1 Rudy is hilarious, such a great person. Questioned my sexuality a while ago, too.
But after hearing your awareness test, I can promise you you're gay, babe. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I know we could have some good times together. Let's hang out.

Speaker 1 Oh, man. She'll lock you up.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Three.

Speaker 1 Dude.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know.
What is happening here? Well, because every one of these girls is pretty. Every one of them.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I have a little thing with the second photo. What? I mean,

Speaker 1 she sent the one with the fucking pimple patch on her face. It's because it's showing that

Speaker 1 she's human just like you. Ah, okay.
I like it. She's in uniform there.
What's that little badge say? Can you zoom in?

Speaker 1 What does that say?

Speaker 1 Derek Chauvin is innocent?

Speaker 1 No. It's crazy.
It says that? No, it says Kyle Rittenhouse is God. Oh, okay, okay.
That's what it says there.

Speaker 2 She's sexy.

Speaker 1 She is. He only gave her a three.
Let's move on. I mean, it's insane.
Next up is Bailey. Oh.
Hi, I'm Bailey, 21. I live in North Carolina.
Okay. Yeah, this I get.

Speaker 1 I work at Hooters, so I'm good with women. 5'10.
Kanza.

Speaker 1 She can be crazy and bitchy. And she said she also doesn't have tits.
She says she's flat, but she works at Hooters. What do you think?

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 1 We should open up.

Speaker 2 I just feel like I'd be scared of her.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she'd fuck you up. She's 5'10.
5'10? She says she's a little flat. Sorry.
But she works at Hooters, which is crazy.

Speaker 2 Small movies are fine.

Speaker 1 Great chicken wings. No, why would she have small tits and work at Hooters? It's the fucking whole thing.

Speaker 1 We should open up a restaurant called Peckers.

Speaker 1 Peckers, Little Peckers, and all the servers are men with little tiny penises. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. And you would be lead on the floor.
So one out of five?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm just, I don't know. I'm just scared.
She seems like nice, but I feel like

Speaker 1 this is the white that you are scared of. I like it.
This is the white you're scared of. Yeah.
I understand. I'm a white.
More, more,

Speaker 1 Actually, okay. All right.
So, of all the candidates, let's slowly scroll back up and see. So, unfortunately, Bailey is a no for you.
She lives too far. The cop, okay.

Speaker 1 The Sadie B that works in the prison,

Speaker 1 Sadie B.

Speaker 1 Then we've got the Brit, Cheerio, Molly L.

Speaker 1 Then we've got the brown that bites, that bites.

Speaker 1 Michelle, then we've got Dylan Gleebold, Madeline T,

Speaker 1 and then we've got Elsa Y, Let It Go.

Speaker 1 And then we've got Olivia M. We liked her too.
She's, yeah, she's pretty. You think she's a catfish, maybe.
And our first girl goes back to the very beginning. That's Bridget.

Speaker 2 Can I do top three?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, do top three.

Speaker 2 Okay, first one is Michelle.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. We know.
The brown one.

Speaker 2 The brown one. Number two is this girl.

Speaker 1 Oh, Bridget. Number three.

Speaker 2 Number three is the second one.

Speaker 1 Three is this one, Olivia. For the wedding of the lamb has come

Speaker 1 and his bride has made herself ready.

Speaker 1 Blessed. are the.
Dude, what the fuck are you doing, dude? We're trying to have a moment. I'm doing my fucking monologue.
Can you not? Fucking sorry, dude. Rude.
I'm sorry. It's out of pocket, dude.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Truly. Truly out of pocket, dude.
Pig. For the wedding of the lambs come.

Speaker 1 All right, you know what, dude? Get out. Get out of the room, man.
If you're going to fuck up his shit, you got to get out. Talk about God and the Lord, dude.
They're one and the same.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm out. I'm out.
No, can you just learn to not laugh when I'm being serious? Sure, yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at me right now, dude. I'm gonna look at you while I say this.
I'll think of it. And if you fucking laugh, I swear to fucking God, you're fired.
All right, let's go. What do you think?

Speaker 1 I've been wanting to fire him for a while. I know.
Here we go, dude. All right.

Speaker 1 George, I swear to fucking God, dude. Ready? Here we go.
For the wedding of the lamb has come,

Speaker 1 and his bride has made herself ready. Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the

Speaker 1 Lamb.

Speaker 1 Very good. Is that what it says? Yeah, I don't know what it means.
Let me read it. I don't know what

Speaker 1 it is.

Speaker 1 I know what it means.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Say it the way I said it. Or do it better.

Speaker 1 For the wedding of the Lamb has come. There we go.
And his bride has made herself ready. Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb.

Speaker 1 The bridegroom is the lamb. The bride is the wife of the lamb.
Guests invitees. Who is the bride? The wife of the lamb.
This is why I don't fuck with this stuff because it's too much.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 What are you fucking talking about? I've never seen a lamb. Anyway,

Speaker 1 blessed are the.

Speaker 1 I've never have. Have you ever seen the lamb?

Speaker 1 People talk about the Bible talks about lambs and sheep. I've never seen them.
Well,

Speaker 1 it's just not, it's not

Speaker 1 a part of my life. The bride of Christ or the lamb's wife is a metaphor used in a number of related verses in the Christian Bible, specifically.

Speaker 1 Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I believe in something. I have a belief system.
I just, I don't like rhetoric. I don't like words.
I just don't like all this. It's like, let me just believe in my fucking.
Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Let's be real, dude. Yeah.
Okay. Let's, let's, let's, as a consensus, in the bad friends, you know, I mean, ecosystem here, let's get a consensus over here, right? Consensus, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Nick, please. Okay.

Speaker 1 Consensus. Let's get a consensus.
That's what I said.

Speaker 1 Let's go. Gay marriage.
What do we feel?

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 1 Supportive. We'll say it on the count of three.
One, two, three. No.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 It's a sin.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 No, let's be real, though. I'm trying to get the ecosystem.
Okay, of course.

Speaker 1 Yes, I'm going to a gay marriage soon. Yeah, I love them.

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Let me tell you something. I don't like any weddings anymore.
I don't want to go to anybody's wedding. I don't want to go.
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Oh, there's like a beach, right? Look at that beach. What do you mean?

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Speaker 1 Liquiddeath.com/slash bad friends. Yeah, what do you think of gay marriage? Yeah, I don't give a fuck.
I don't care what people do. Okay, how about this one? Sex before marriage.
One

Speaker 1 absolutely against it. You've done.
No. You've 100%.
Never had sex before marriage. Really? No.

Speaker 1 Waited.

Speaker 1 Never even got a tugger.

Speaker 1 Interesting. Nothing.
So, and your wife, your wife? Yes. Scouts on her.
Scouts hunter. Right.
Sex before marriage. Yes.
How about yes? Yeah. How about these guys? Yes.
Nick?

Speaker 1 You're fine with it. Sinner.
Sin, sin, sin. Okay.

Speaker 1 Does a border have anything to do with the Bible? A little bit.

Speaker 1 I say we. I'm running out of things, guys.
I got to say, oh, it's murder. Here we go.
Murder, yes, right? Wrong. Right.
It depends. It's wrong.
It depends on who you're killing.

Speaker 1 Self-defense. Yeah.
Yeah. You can kill.
Dude, this girl loves fucking murder. That's her whole thing.
All right, let me give you a scenario. Okay.
By the way, we should build the border out of Bibles.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's so brilliant. Then when they try to get over here, they can grab one and read what's really going on.
Get the word of the Lord while they're trying to scale the wall. That's so good.

Speaker 1 We should put other things in the wall if we're going to put pamphlets on Bibles. What? Well, something that's exciting.
Like, how about that new, how about that with that crab book that people like.

Speaker 1 What's it that? No, I mean, the

Speaker 1 they did a movie about it. It's about the southern.

Speaker 1 It's a.

Speaker 1 They did a movie about it. It's a southern movie.
I read it. It's about the crabs.
Not the crabs, but.

Speaker 1 What are you looking for, buddy? It was a book. Anyway, other books.
How about this? I don't know much books. So

Speaker 1 what do we put in? Like, The Sun. Sun Also Rises by Hemingway.
I love. Oh, yeah.
There we go. Or something that they.
Oh, remember that book I saw online today? Hatchet. Remember the book Hatchet?

Speaker 1 Everyone had to read that? It popped back up to me. This book.
Yeah. Like every kid in junior high had to read that fucking book.
Wait, what did it have to do with

Speaker 1 Hatchets?

Speaker 1 I don't fucking remember the book. Yeah, yeah.
Gary Paulson, though. I remember the name.
Gary Paulson. What was it about, McCone? Do you remember?

Speaker 1 I think it was about a kid that got lost in the Alaskan wilderness. That's right.
And he had a kid. And he had a kid.
And then he...

Speaker 1 It's an honor. Zoom in.

Speaker 1 It's an honor award-winning young adult wilderness survival novel, Gary Paulson. I think he's from Minnesota.
Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Fuck shut. You ruin everything.
You ruin everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah. About Brian Roberts' survival following a plane crash.
Explores the theme of positive thinking and perseverance.

Speaker 1 He faces challenges from nature, bears, porcupines, dehydration, and starvation with only his trusty hatchet to help him. Can we go back to the wall or do we want to go back to the fucking Bible?

Speaker 1 The wall. Wall, wall, wall, build the wall.
Build the wall.

Speaker 2 What about incest love?

Speaker 2 But not like direct, like relative. Like what about second cousin?

Speaker 1 Oh, you're talking like royal family stuff. Yeah.
Yeah, like monarchy. Yeah.
Yeah. You know what? That's a good question.
Yeah. Thank you for that question.
And I'm going to go. I'm going to dive in.

Speaker 1 Oh, God, please. Right? First cousin, no.

Speaker 2 Second, yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm done with first cousins. Jesus Christ, so fast.
So I'm not also done with first cousins. There's caveats.
Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. You can marry your first fucking cousin

Speaker 1 in like 10 states.

Speaker 1 Laws regarding. California, you can.
I know. California, Alaska, Hawaii, New Mexico, Colorado,

Speaker 1 Florida, Georgia,

Speaker 1 South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Virginia, New York, and Jersey. And the places.
And Massachusetts and Maine. And the places they actually do it, it's super illegal.

Speaker 1 Like Texas. Right, it's a criminal offense.
Yeah, yeah. Texas.
That's when they do it. That's where they do it.
And it's like, no. Can you imagine North and South Dakota had to bond together?

Speaker 1 What if one of them was like, no way, and the other one was like, come on.

Speaker 1 And they're like, come on, we're a package deal. We're North and South Dakota.
Do you have any hot cousins? No. Yeah, either do I.
I mean, I don't, I don't feel. No, but that's rude to say.

Speaker 1 I'm sure they're pretty. My cousins are, yeah, like it's like I have, they're, they're, I have,

Speaker 1 they're not ugly people. How many first cousins do you have? A thousand.
My mom's one of 10 kids. You have 28 first cousins.
I have a million. 28.
Are you a dog?

Speaker 1 What did you just say?

Speaker 1 Did you just say, are you a dog?

Speaker 1 You are what you eat.

Speaker 1 You are what you eat.

Speaker 1 No, no, just, just, just, just, just, just, let that sink in.

Speaker 1 You are what you eat.

Speaker 1 And I'll tell you why that's good.

Speaker 1 It was fast. It was very fast.
It was something that you would say. It's something I would say.

Speaker 1 He's learning. I'm going to give you credit.
That was very funny. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I just stood stood up because of the timing. That was perfect.
It was very good. I'm going to keep you props forever.
Thank you. Very good.

Speaker 1 Wow, that was very good. That was good.
What do you think? That was very, very good. Why do you ask, Rudy, do you want to marry one of your cousins?

Speaker 2 No, I'm just saying, like.

Speaker 1 Have you ever kissed a cousin? No. You ever had a crush on one of your cousins?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've told you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm just saying, like,

Speaker 2 I feel like that's fine to marry your second cousin.

Speaker 1 Why is it of all the people you could meet? You just feel comfortable with family? No.

Speaker 2 No, like, what if there's like an actual like attraction and like it's just pure love?

Speaker 1 Yeah, let's say you're you're single. You're at a fucking family function.
Your second cousin is Margo Robbie. Yeah.
Right. She's single.
Yep. You're at the banquet.
Yep. Buffet table, whatever.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you guys eat, but

Speaker 1 fried chicken. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Anyway, anyways.

Speaker 1 Right. Anyway, you know what I mean? You guys are at the ch chicken plate.
Okay, I'm me and you're Margo Robbie.

Speaker 1 Hey.

Speaker 1 I don't know how it's from with that.

Speaker 1 She's from Australia.

Speaker 1 Hello. Oh, yeah, I don't want to do.

Speaker 1 Hello?

Speaker 1 Hello. Hey, what's up, Margo? How are you? Good to see you.
Congrats on everything that's been going on. Barbie, what a success.
Thank you, thank you. It's incredible.
I heard you.

Speaker 1 Are you sick?

Speaker 1 I'm only a little cold.

Speaker 1 You sound different, Margo.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine how hot Margo Robbie is? And with with this voice,

Speaker 1 you'd never fuck her. Anyway.

Speaker 1 I love you on the bad friends. Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Margo. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. Can I have some of that Gouda? Can you pass that Gouda?

Speaker 1 Sorry?

Speaker 1 Anyway, Gouda? Yeah, the Gouda.

Speaker 1 Thank you. He's a Gouda.
Thank you, Margo. Yeah, yeah.
Thank you. Allah, allow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would never hook up with this cousin. That's, I mean...

Speaker 1 I don't, I don't know. Anyway.
No, even if Margo Robbie was your cousin, no, of course not. Second cousin.
No, because you'd still be like, that's my family. Okay, okay.

Speaker 2 What if you met someone and then you fall in love with them? Then you find out.

Speaker 1 You find out. Then I kill myself.
I jump off a fucking bridge.

Speaker 2 I feel like it's fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I know. But can you have a baby with your second cousin and the baby become normal? Yeah, the likelihood slides, I think, after

Speaker 1 something. Well, look at all of us in this fucking room.
Yeah, yeah, we're a guy. Are we cousin babies? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The child of a second cousin is known as a second cousin once removed. To put this in perspective, you're the second cousin once removed.
Right. But the chances of having.

Speaker 1 What are the chances of having birth defects

Speaker 1 from cousins? This is insane. I know.
She's.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she did it. The risk of birth defects is slightly higher than for the child of unrelated parents, 3% to 4% compared to 2% to 3% for any child.

Speaker 1 So really, you're only a percent higher with your second cousin. It's still a gamble, huh?

Speaker 1 You're like, yeah. Get Cats Vegas, baby.
What? Hit the tables. But third cousin, you're fine.

Speaker 1 4% to 7% if there's closer blood. Whoa.
Now, if you had a baby with, God forbid, no one does it. God forbid.
With your sister, biological system would happen. But give me the percentage on that.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 with sibling, 75%. No, what is it? The birth defect rate of all kinds is about 2%.
Between siblings, it's 3 to 4. The increase is 75%, not 25%.
75%.

Speaker 1 No, it just says the increase is about 75%. From two.
From two.

Speaker 1 Wow. Wow.
Okay.

Speaker 1 The problem is when multiple generations do it. It's not just

Speaker 1 wow, wow, wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Or just not. Can I have babies? Can I say something? Yeah.
They shouldn't just fucking up this just to make people more deterred. I know.

Speaker 1 Because if you're a pervert and you're looking online about like, what if my sister, and then you're like, 2%, fucking whatever.

Speaker 1 Manipulate the numbers. Yeah, they should change the numbers to be a little bit higher.

Speaker 1 0.2% of all marriages in the United States are between second cousins or closer. That means there are about 250,000 Americans that are in second cousin relationships right now.
That's interesting.

Speaker 1 So, somebody we know, maybe. Yeah.
Do you think if you and I go back, our ancestries, that we find some sort of like

Speaker 1 incest? No, but just maybe how many generations would you and I would have to go back? Never, ever in a million. Nothing.
There's got to be.

Speaker 2 You kind of look the same, though.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up are you talking about?

Speaker 1 No, but

Speaker 1 you're like, back in the day, there's you don't think we can go like 100,000 years back. No, because I'm from an island.
Ireland's a little fucking peninsula. Yeah, it's not like how would we

Speaker 1 yeah, they don't work. I know about this guy, yeah, the blooming, yeah.
But how would we even link up? We would never link, we would never have any sort of connection. I mean, it's just too far back.

Speaker 1 Okay. You two, no, for sure.
No, island, peninsula. Yeah, but you're still on the same side of the world.
Not only that,

Speaker 1 they've been mixed with other bloods.

Speaker 2 Spanish.

Speaker 1 No, he means like creatures from the from the sea.

Speaker 1 Oh, I like that. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Trust me, I know you do.
No, but you know, like like the span of you guys have been colonizing. That's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you hear about that?

Speaker 1 So look if this is true. They say all blue-eyed people are related.
Oh, wow. All blue-eyes stem from one man.
Wow, wow, wow, wow. Is that crazy?

Speaker 2 And they said it's incest, right?

Speaker 1 Well, here you keep going back. Yeah, yeah, we're going to move past incest right now.
Yeah. Get everything out now, and then we'll move past.

Speaker 1 New research shows that people with blue eyes have a single common ancestor. Go up to the top.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 Scientists have tracked down a genetic mutation which took place six to 10,000 years ago, 6,000 thousand to ten thousand years ago, and is to cause the eye color of blue-eyed humans alive on the planet today.

Speaker 1 So you're all a part of one fucking answer. Not you, no, not you.
Are you blue-eyed, George? Oh, yes. You would be.
You fucking not, you're Hitler's dream. Look at this guy, blue-eyed blonde hair.

Speaker 1 But North India has a lot of blue-eyed people, too. Yeah, you know, George is actually one of those guys I would kick it with.

Speaker 1 Hitler, who do you think you'd hang out with if you came back today? Well, George Kimmel seems like somebody I would like to maybe get a snack with. The way he dresses, the way he laughs, his glasses,

Speaker 1 he reminds me of myself when I was his age.

Speaker 1 You do have rage, man. Yeah.
There's a rage deep down in you. Bubbling.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen you in so long. It's deliberate, but it's good to see you now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's just a little rage.

Speaker 2 I'm scared of George more than I'm. What?

Speaker 1 I know, exactly. Wait, really? Why? Thank you.
There's something.

Speaker 2 There's like rage.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's a rage for it. Yeah, yeah.
It's bubbling. I'm not rageful.
Because mine comes with heart and love, and his is from something dark. Something.
Something dark. Yeah.
You're right.

Speaker 1 Well, so you don't suppress yours. You express your feelings.
I let it rip. The other day we did the show, you got a little depressed.
I'm right there.

Speaker 1 I came into the room and I go, you okay? I need my space. And I get it.
You're very honest about your emotions. And I love you so fucking much.
I love you.

Speaker 1 And when you get sad, my little man gets sad, man. I get real sad too.
You know what bummed me out the most? The pizza was terrible. Dude,

Speaker 1 I had the shit. Not only that.
I had the shit that fucked my day up the next day. It lingered in my body.
Is that where you got a stomach? Dude, yes. It fucked me up.
My stomach hurts so bad.

Speaker 1 When we were sitting on that plane, we sat on the tarmac in Reno for like a couple hours. They had to de-ice us, take us back, de-ice us, take us back.

Speaker 1 The whole time I'm thinking, I'm going to shit myself. I'm going to shit myself.
I'm going to shit myself right. I'm either going to shit right on McCone because he sat next to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Or I'll just take one for the team and just do it in the seat. I'll tell you, no, I know why it's bad.
Because I took six emodium ADs and I still had diarrhea.

Speaker 1 Shout out to Round Table Pizza. Really putting in work.
Now that you say that, I want to bring up a gripe. Bring up a gripe.
I love that. And I don't want to say the restaurant.

Speaker 1 Oh, should I have not said round table? No, no, but there was a restaurant that we wanted to go to.

Speaker 1 Carlos called and said, the boys are in town. I know you close, you know what I mean? Oh, right.
And we would love to. And they go, we don't give a fuck.
They don't. They're here.

Speaker 1 We don't give a fuck. They're here.

Speaker 1 No, thank you. Don't come in.
And I'm disclose a fucking, you know, I'm disclose. Oh, I wish you would.
I I know. I don't really remember.
That's why I can't do that. You're doing your dear.

Speaker 1 I don't remember. When you do de Niro, it means you're higher.
I'm this fucking close. I'm telling you right now.
I'm fucking this close. That's really good.
And let me tell you something, right?

Speaker 1 But why don't we give credit where credit's too? You know, a restaurant stayed open for us?

Speaker 1 Roundtable. No.

Speaker 1 In Salt Lake City. Oh.
In the bubble at the rooftop. Well, not really rooftop of the higher regency in Salt Lake City.
Remember we saw that. Oh, my God.
Now that place? Respect. Phenomenal.

Speaker 1 Phenomenal respect. Heavy props.
Loved it. Heavy props.
They stayed open late, and then outside, Bobby was first like, they're going to fucking walk us outside. We're going to eat outside.

Speaker 1 But it was like little huts, like little outdoor, your own little hut with your own little. Like we were in the Caribbean.

Speaker 1 I want to go there. And it was on the look at that's our little hut right there.
That hut.

Speaker 1 And it had music and a heater. Yeah.
Of course, this guy immediately bluetooths his own fucking eye, his fucking phone. Yeah.
Like you're DJ. Why are you DJ every time? Let's rewind.

Speaker 1 You literally turned to me in the middle of the dinner and goes, I love every song you've played. I know, I did.
So what what are you fucking talking about?

Speaker 1 I played everything you liked. I know, but I played Big Thief, and you were like, Holy shit, I love this.

Speaker 1 I played so much shit you liked, and now you're fucking flipping it for the pod. It's not that I'm not flipping it for the pod, and this is just a gripe that I have.

Speaker 1 And you, can you guys back me up, please? For once, here we go. Anytime there's a Bluetooth, whether in the backstage, in the green room, or any restaurant, right?

Speaker 1 It's always him that's in charge of the DJing. It is, and I'm wondering why.
Did I see? Have I fucked up?

Speaker 1 Is he the leader? Oh my God. Are you the leader? I try to make the ambiance not.
I'm an ambiance guy too, my friend. Well then say I want the Bluetooth.
You won't even let me. That's right.

Speaker 1 But say you want it so I know you do and then I go no. Anyway, let's go back to the restaurant.
That restaurant wasn't. Carlos, what were you going to say? What were you going to say?

Speaker 1 Just that, was it your like Bluetooth speaker? Like whose was that? It was the restaurants. Oh.
They left it for us. But no, even in any situation, have you.
Clotrus is trying to be nice, bro.

Speaker 1 Thank you, dude. I really do, because we had a tough night.
It was just, I think he's just. And the music selection was righteous because you fucking liked everything.
That's what you do. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Great.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
I'm a part of fucking this society. And I'm playing by these rules.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 1 What you do is you think to yourself, gee, in every single situation, I'm usually DJ, and I hook up the Bluetooth really quickly and just play my own music. I think that's a nice thing to do.

Speaker 1 I just stop, right? Is that a nice thing? This situation, may I, I'm going to do this. Hey, guys, you guys want to be DJ for tonight?

Speaker 1 But he doesn't do that. Unbelievable.
You know, he goes right to the fucking Bluetooth thing. Oh, and then they, you know, we connect with the speaker.

Speaker 1 They pair. He's pairings too.
He's like,

Speaker 1 he looks around the room. You'll see what I got in store for you.
You know what I mean? It's like, all right, we get it, Dan. No lie told.
Yeah, yeah. And then I play fucking bangers.
Some of them.

Speaker 1 Bangers. Some of them are not.
What? What did I play that you didn't like that night? Every fucking song. Well, there's one song that you played that I can't stop listening to.
What? Warren Zivon.

Speaker 1 the best so you're welcome song warren zivon i know i so i guess you're right when sometimes you dj

Speaker 1 i do flirt i do circle yeah but i i can influence you too you won't let me no that's not true help me the fuck out you know what and then and then this is insane it's to say you don't bring it up bob you don't say anything if you said i want to dj no no no but do it

Speaker 1 i said do it immediately

Speaker 1 don't don't george bush him yeah don't felt like that reporter when george bush right just now don't push him bush ducked yeah That was the best duck. That was the best shoe.
He threw two shoes

Speaker 1 in world history. He eyed it.
Dude, he is my president. When I saw that, that's the guy, dude.
That's how you know he has good reaction time and good precision.

Speaker 1 I mean, he put both of those planes into the tower. Yeah.
This is Biden. Yeah, right in there.

Speaker 1 This guy, he can throw a pitch.

Speaker 1 He can throw a pitch. He can dodge a shoe, and he can crash three planes into government buildings.
He's the man. He is the man.
I love him.

Speaker 1 Anyway, let's move on.

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Speaker 1 And I'm losing money because, you know, you don't even, you're not even aware of these things. You know what I mean? Some sort of like game thing.

Speaker 1 Especially now that all these companies are now putting out new apps and new versions of the old one that you used to pay for. I swear to God, I just got an email two days ago.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say from the company. And they said, we've been raised, we raised the rates already.
We're doing it again. Right.
I had no idea.

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That's rocketmoney.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 Rocketmoney.com slash bad friends. Butcher box.
When I drive up to my house and I see a butcher box, I know that week I'm going to have beautiful pork chops.

Speaker 1 I'm going to have bacon.

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Speaker 1 Sign up today at butcherbox.com slash bad friends and use code bad friends to choose your free offer and get $20 off. Anyway, so DJ, let's go.
Oh, the restaurant.

Speaker 1 So let's go back to the restaurant, right? Oh, it's phenomenal. No, the restaurant that they denied us.
Oh, this is what it felt like. Well, what's the name of the one that we liked?

Speaker 1 Harold, pull it up right here. Yeah, oh, you don't know how to say it.
Mar Muntayana.

Speaker 1 It was phenomenal on the rooftop of the Hyatt Regency, and saw, like, shout out to those guys. They were and also, the service was ooh la la.
She was incredible. Everybody was food was great.
Yep.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Back to the fucking place, right, that we call. Go ahead.
We call, and they acted as if, like, we don't want that garbage

Speaker 1 in our restaurant. Yeah.
Right.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 One of the top 10 comedy walkers

Speaker 1 on planet Earth.

Speaker 1 No, on planet Earth.

Speaker 1 You know why?

Speaker 1 They didn't want it. And I could right now

Speaker 1 write down the restaurant and go like this and go fuck this arrogant piece of shit, the food of diarrhea. Worse than fucking.
Yeah, I could do that, but I'm not. You're not.

Speaker 1 But next time we're in town, if you do that again, fuck you.

Speaker 1 War. War.
You don't want war with the league. Am I being a dirt jerk? I feel like I'm being arrogant.
But let me tell you something right now, though, all right?

Speaker 1 They would probably do it to, like, oh, the manager at fucking, you know, write it is here.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, they, you know what I mean? That's how. Come on in.
Let's go down the list of comics. You think would they do that to Burke Kreiser and Tom Seguro?

Speaker 1 They wouldn't. I think they wouldn't.
They would have had a table for them. I really, I truly believe they would.
What about Theo? No. They would deny him.
Yeah, he's garbage.

Speaker 1 I mean, in terms of the, like, we're rat people. Yeah.
Right? And he's a rat. And I love rat people.
He's the rat king. He's a rat king.
I love rat people. I love him.
He's hot. What? He's hot.

Speaker 1 It's enough. Okay, enough of you.
We said stop him. He's not your cousin.
He's our friend. All right.
So, anyway.

Speaker 1 You like him, huh? Give me another name.

Speaker 1 Give me another name that would not get or get sent. If they would get it or not.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Spade. Oh, yeah.
100%. Oh, you want to close? We'll close the restaurant down for you.
I know. Right.
Give me another name. Schneider.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's like us. He's like us now.
Damn. Yeah.
He's in the wild.

Speaker 1 But maybe he is still him, yeah. Jim Jeffries.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Get a table, you. Yeah, he was.
Set up a table, you fucking. Yeah.
I mean, I can tell you who

Speaker 1 just off the table. You wipe your cheek, your left cheek.
I don't know if it's a booger or something.

Speaker 1 On your left cheek. That's a that, yeah.
What is that?

Speaker 1 Is that a boog?

Speaker 1 It's wax or something.

Speaker 1 Is that what you find on the tub? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're going to open your gift right there I got you? The barrel? Turn it around. Oh, this one? Yeah, turn it.
Yeah. Open it up.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 yay.

Speaker 1 You see Drake's dick?

Speaker 2 That was leaked today?

Speaker 2 It's as long as that. It's big.

Speaker 1 Let's see it. I heard it got leaked.
Look. That's not Drake.
It is.

Speaker 1 That doesn't. That guy.
So don't pinch the

Speaker 1 base. That gets more flow to the top.
I know, but it's still not accurate. So wait a minute.
He sent this as a.

Speaker 2 Like a private, and then someone leaked it.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's mean. Oh, that's mean dude.
But I guess

Speaker 2 it's so long.

Speaker 1 Let me see.

Speaker 1 Go back again. How'd you find it the first time?

Speaker 1 I think that's an, yeah, I don't know. That's long.
It's not. I think that's just an image.
I think that's. Just a video.
All right. All right.
Anyway. What did you do all day today?

Speaker 1 Let's see. Can we talk about your private life? So let me say something.
You say you're still at school.

Speaker 2 Wait, I want to share my story.

Speaker 1 Please.

Speaker 2 Okay, so in our new house, we think we have

Speaker 2 a ghost friend.

Speaker 1 Go on.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 every time Atikalaila goes to Hawaii, I hear like footsteps and like Atikalaila's voice, like just talking in her room.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's me.

Speaker 2 It's not you.

Speaker 2 But it's been happening like

Speaker 1 by myself.

Speaker 2 But it doesn't seem like it's a bad energy. It's just

Speaker 1 there.

Speaker 1 So the ghost is mocking it's like a parrot it's mocking her kind of and it's like walking around like at night especially at 12 a.m does it say rudy does it say anything to you no but it's specifically at the kale's voice okay um the four dogs are they in the room with you yeah and they don't care they're not going crazy you would think that a fucking ghost

Speaker 1 talking rudy you know what i mean it's not saying my name any name that the dogs would go ape shit because dogs can see they sense that shit i don't know you've ever seen the movies?

Speaker 1 They sense it before anyone else.

Speaker 1 I've told you this before. My dog has stared at the ghost.
Because I've told you about the ghost in my house. She'll stare.
She'll sit and stare right at the hallway.

Speaker 1 And then she'll turn around, look at me, and then look right back at the hallway.

Speaker 2 That's what my dogs do.

Speaker 1 Well, they're good. I mean, if they're good spirits, it's fine.

Speaker 1 Mine's an old woman that died into my house. Do you know what Bojo did to me? What?

Speaker 1 I'm fucking watching videos on my iPad. Bojo walks under my fucking table, right to the edge, and looks at me like this.

Speaker 1 Right? And I look at him like this. Oh,

Speaker 1 and we do this for about a minute.

Speaker 1 Then I go, I'm gonna get some water. I get up.
Bojo's still staring where I used to be.

Speaker 1 Whoa, right?

Speaker 1 So I'm like, oh, he wasn't fucking looking at me. Right? He just, you just, and then, and then watch what he does.

Speaker 1 He's looking at nothing now, and he gets scared. He goes

Speaker 1 at nothing.

Speaker 1 I ran out of the house. Maybe you're dead.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 What if you're...

Speaker 1 What if you're dead?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. Holy shit.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Do you want to tell him?

Speaker 1 Bob,

Speaker 1 I was driving drunk, and you were in the passenger seat, and we crashed into McCone's car outside of Bad Friends.

Speaker 1 And McCone and you are now gone. You guys have been dead.

Speaker 1 It was funny, though, at the end. We were having a good laugh, and you.
That's right. So, in the other world,

Speaker 1 Makon is funny because of that dog joke. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's now it all makes sense.

Speaker 1 He would only be funny and smart because of the funny thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because he's getting the energy from all the other spirits up there. Yeah, it's not his shit.
It's not original. Oh, yeah, he's a hack.
Yeah. He's stealing, he's stealing humor from

Speaker 1 the other world.

Speaker 1 That's interesting. I did decide, by the way, this past week that I'm going to be wrapped in a

Speaker 1 forever suit

Speaker 1 where it's the forever suit. What do you mean, my friend?

Speaker 1 When you die,

Speaker 1 they basically wrap you in this

Speaker 1 forever suit that detoxifies

Speaker 1 your blood and the toxins inside of you so you can be put into the earth directly. They wrap you, a mushroom suit.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Pretty rad. Oh, let me see it.

Speaker 1 And the good death. Yeah, they wrap you in this stuff and you just You grow into the earth.

Speaker 1 Eternal suit or something like that. I don't know.
Yeah, and I've seen that before, but wouldn't you grow without the suit? Like,

Speaker 1 your dead bodies would still

Speaker 1 give the soil nutrients. No, because we have so much toxins inside of us that it's like bad for the, it's bad for the ground.
So

Speaker 1 this suit helps you kind of detoxify and organically decompose. Yeah.
So the plants around you can. That's not it, Carlos.
What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, yeah. What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 1 Avatar shit. No, because I saw a documentary called Eight Ways to Die.
Eight New Ways to Die. Yeah.
Right. And that was one of them.
Yeah. Where there's a place where they wrap you in a thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you find the plot of land where you want to go. Right.
And then they die and you, and then a tree grows on top of you. I love it.
I think that's amazing. I want that.
That's what I want.

Speaker 1 I don't, why?

Speaker 1 Because I'd like to be rebirthed into the earth. Yeah, do it.
I'll chop down the tree. You'll be fucking way dead by the time I die.

Speaker 1 You're not going to fucking outlive me.

Speaker 1 Well, you be dead.

Speaker 2 Can I got, um, can I burn you

Speaker 1 when like you're done right can i be the one to do it no i don't want to be burned i want to be in a suit okay can i wrap you then you can wrap me yeah and teach the lobby well he wants to be cremated you can burn him

Speaker 1 what

Speaker 1 i don't want any of that man i want i want there's in this in this fucking documentary i saw about death there's a new way what

Speaker 1 you get put into rocket ship

Speaker 1 and shoot you into space yeah kind of tight i'd rather be up there what are you wearing

Speaker 1 is there you're right am i not right no this is real yeah no i saw a documentary about it you you go into that's nice into space but i think your ashes get squirted out into the fucking whoa you know what i want launch into space and return to earth for three grand huh launch into earth orbit for five grand launch into lunar orbit or surface starting at twelve grand and voyager launch into deep space for twelve thousand nine hundred nine so you can be launched into fuck off space for $13,000.

Speaker 1 But I don't want to be ashes. I want full body.
Well, no,

Speaker 1 no, I want to be out there just

Speaker 1 naked, just, you know, yeah, yeah. And maybe I'll be the first welcoming thing for the aliens.
Imagine my naked body. You're an alien.
It's cremated remains or DNA. No, I want my whole body.

Speaker 1 Oh, no.

Speaker 1 If that's what they look like down there, we should avoid going there. You'd be like a red flag.
A human red flag. No, I'm cute, dude.
You are cute. Let's penetrate the

Speaker 1 right, but let's fuck it and eat it. No, I mean, no, no, baby, there's more of that down there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but what if

Speaker 1 I think they should be able to shoot your body into space? Yeah. Why couldn't they shoot your whole fucking body up there? It's too much weight.
Yeah. It costs a lot of money.

Speaker 1 No, but if you gave them like one million dollars. Oh, they would do it.
They would do it. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What you could do is like pay a couple million to go to space and then just open the door and just go out and just die if you wanted to end it all.

Speaker 1 And and you're just floating forever. No,

Speaker 1 I think that's a terrible way to die. Why?

Speaker 1 You would implode from the inside out. Well, here's what you do:

Speaker 1 take like a cyanide pill or something, and then go on for a spacewalk. Yeah.
Then you have like minutes to die. Then you're dead, and your body died.
You would die instantaneously out there.

Speaker 1 And it would be the most painful death. What are you talking about? You'd be wearing a suit.
You'd be wearing a suit. Oh,

Speaker 1 for a spacewalk. A spacewalk.
Die in the suit, and then you float forever.

Speaker 1 What? Oh, no, I was just going to say we do have have some Valentine's Day stuff. Let's do it for y'all.
Valentine's Day stuff? Yeah, let's do it. Let's see it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my colon's bringing it out right now. What's this? It's a scratch off.
Scratchers. What is this? I don't like it.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is this? It's candy. Oh, it's

Speaker 1 candy. Yeah.
I thought it was real meat. I go, what the fuck? You would eat that.
These are from

Speaker 1 Christmas. These are old.

Speaker 1 I want to win something on these scratchers.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 This is very nice. Thank you for the Valentine's Day gift, you guys.
Thank you. We love y'all.
Clearly, I didn't match anything ever.

Speaker 1 Look at this. It says...

Speaker 1 This is the thing about Scratchers. My whole family plays Scratchers.

Speaker 1 How is that? Don't chew Mike.

Speaker 1 Tastes like chicken. What is that? Lunchables? Lunchables, but the flavor is like the meat and stuff.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 You guys just got me regular old chocolate? Yeah. No, I like it just fine.

Speaker 2 Do you need to have all the numbers or just one?

Speaker 1 What does it say? It says on it.

Speaker 1 Would you win a dollar?

Speaker 2 I have 28, 28, 1 million.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about? Yeah, how do you do this?

Speaker 1 How do you play this game? Let me, it just says if just one, right? You need scratch off the entire play area on any of your numbers.

Speaker 1 You're gonna match three of them. Oh, three? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's on his. You have a different one.
When any of your numbers match any winning numbers, the prize under the matching reveals a money

Speaker 1 win-all system symbol. Win all 20 prizes.
When any of your one numbers match any winning numbers, where's the winning numbers? 436, 28, 15, 20.

Speaker 2 I have 28.

Speaker 1 Did she win a million dollars?

Speaker 2 Is this real?

Speaker 1 Be real. Is it? Is it real? I mean,

Speaker 1 let me say it. Honestly,

Speaker 1 there's no way.

Speaker 2 It's not all the the winning numbers.

Speaker 1 No, you got to match all the winning numbers. It says any.

Speaker 1 Okay, so 28.

Speaker 2 28. 28, 28.

Speaker 1 I don't see 28 on here. There is.
No, there isn't.

Speaker 1 There's 29. Under.
28.

Speaker 1 Oh, right here, 28. You give it to me.

Speaker 1 First of all, let me say this. Is it any?

Speaker 1 We're figuring this out, but also

Speaker 1 our house. Also, you don't get all of it.

Speaker 2 I know. I'll share.

Speaker 1 We're splitting it. I'll share it.
No. No, we're not splitting it.
You and I get it, and that's it.

Speaker 1 We're splitting it. No.

Speaker 1 You're in our house. Honestly, this is weird because winning numbers, 28.
That's awful. It should be 1 million.
I mean, honestly, based on this,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 based on this, she won $1 million.

Speaker 1 I swear to God. That's fucking crazy.
Is this real? Yeah, it's real. I got him at 7-Eleven before this.

Speaker 1 Off of a coin. I'm not fucking kidding around, dude.
28,

Speaker 1 28, 1 million. You have to win three of them.
No, you don't. Yeah, you do.
No. Winning number, right?

Speaker 1 When one of your numbers matches any winning number, right? So, any of these winning numbers,

Speaker 1 one of these numbers. Give it to me.
28, 1 million. Give it to me.
If you rip it up, I swear to fuck you. Why would I do that? Rip it.

Speaker 1 Don't rip it. Oh, I think the bottom.

Speaker 1 That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Is that real? Yeah, but you don't get to win it. No.

Speaker 1 Fuck you. I'll share it.
What are you doing, dude? Happy Valentine's Day.

Speaker 1 Is it real?

Speaker 1 Put it back together. Are you sure?

Speaker 1 Fake? Yeah, dude. Where'd you get that at?

Speaker 1 Where'd you get that at?

Speaker 1 That's insane, dude.

Speaker 1 That's insane, dude. Because I swear to God, dude.
I thought it was real. I thought it was real, too.
Dude, their faces when I ripped it up. He literally got, you know, literally a bad friend's movie.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 here comes Trinal Island.

Speaker 1 The way we want to make it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, so funny the way that her face looked when I ripped it. Yeah.
So fucking incredible. Wow.
I thought it was real.

Speaker 1 Wow, that was pretty good. Change your life forever.
Yeah. And then I got a fake one.
A real one. That's a real one.
We have a real one. I got nothing.
Yeah, I never win. Those things are bullshit.

Speaker 1 Anyway, what do you got? Thank you for the Valentine's Day game. Hey, it was really nice.
It was very, very nice of you guys.

Speaker 1 Give me chocolate. I don't like that.
Yeah. Let me throw one in your mouth.
Say ah. No, I want to pick the one.
Open up.

Speaker 1 Oh, that fucking hurt. Let me try again.
No! One more, please.

Speaker 1 Well, I can't give you your mouth. There you go.

Speaker 1 All right. One more, one more, one more.
I do you now. One more.
I do you. See how it feels.
Okay.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 You're going to fucking lie. Don't don't throw it hard

Speaker 1 i'm gonna love it you chip my teeth i'm not gonna love it

Speaker 1 this is not a lot

Speaker 1 you get twice right

Speaker 1 all right no more

Speaker 1 okay okay give me the here can i pick though yeah just have one whatever you want take the whole thing i spit one out because one tasted it tasted bad

Speaker 2 Have you guys seen Mr. and Mrs.
Smith?

Speaker 1 No. No, because we saw the original movie.

Speaker 2 No, and I was like, but it's not the same thing.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why I don't want to watch it.

Speaker 1 Why? Because

Speaker 1 I know why. Why? Hold on.
Why? I know why. Tell me why.
Why don't I

Speaker 1 want to watch it? You don't like Donald Glover?

Speaker 1 Why? That's not true. The shit he was talking about, Dave? I don't not like Donald Glover.
The shit he was saying about Dave. You want me to clarify? I'll clarify.

Speaker 1 I don't not like Donald Glover. I don't have any beef with Donald Glover.

Speaker 1 But since I was on that show, Dave,

Speaker 1 there's been like speculation and back and forth about

Speaker 1 somebody comparing us to his show because we were both on FX.

Speaker 1 And then a while ago, it came up that I guess he, I don't know, in some way he was kind of like

Speaker 1 offended that people

Speaker 1 compared us. Yeah.
And so then Vanity Fair did this thing with Maya Erskine, who's phenomenal from Penn Penn15, interviewing Donald. And then here, look.

Speaker 3 Do you think you're more talented than this person?

Speaker 1 He's on a lie detector.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you know, I'm just going to start beef, but I actually like him. I think she's a really nice guy.

Speaker 4 I'm just conceited.

Speaker 3 Were you insulted when critics compared Dave to Atlanta?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I don't remember any critics.

Speaker 4 I think it was just people, but I definitely was insulted.

Speaker 1 Not because I think that they're that Dave is bad, because I actually really think Dave is a good show.

Speaker 4 I just don't think they have a lot in common.

Speaker 3 That's true.

Speaker 1 True. Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 first of all, fuck Vanity Fair. What a fucking lame, weird setup.
Elitists. Yeah, but that's a bullshit

Speaker 1 question. Elitists.
So I don't. We don't play that game here.
I don't fucking. I mean, look, Dave is done.
Our show is over anyway. Kick a dead dog in when it's sleeping, you know?

Speaker 1 Kick a dead, it's a Jewish dog, no less. So they should, you know what I mean, given the circumstances of the world right now.
No, but I just don't have any hate for Donald fucking Glover.

Speaker 1 I don't, I just think it's a fucking

Speaker 1 shit he was saying. Anyway, no, I think it's a lame line of questioning.
Are you more talented than this guy? It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? That's so subjective, anyway.

Speaker 1 And then for him to be like, we will get revenge.

Speaker 1 There's no revenge. I think we will get revenge.

Speaker 1 No. Here, Vanity Fair, you hear it.
Listen here. Listen now.

Speaker 1 The race isn't over. The race is over when I'm dead.
And I will get revenge.

Speaker 1 We will, too. We will, too.
We will. And

Speaker 1 DG,

Speaker 1 watch your back, dude.

Speaker 1 Do you think you're more talented than this other person? I'm tired of elitism. Aren't you tired of elitism? We see it in comments.
Do you think you could beat this guy in a foot race? I hate it.

Speaker 1 It's like, can we just fucking just do what we do and let's move on i commented on this video

Speaker 1 you think your dad could beat up my dad

Speaker 1 that's what this is do you think you're more talented do you have more of a skill set than this other human being yeah what the are you doing you know that comic right now that's doing the little voice get the out of it what's that the voice um the auto-tune auto-tune guy what's it he's very funny yeah i see his clip i've heard comics go well that's cheating like a white because he's crushing with the fucking like who cares it's different than you different what you're doing he came up with it he's great at it.

Speaker 1 It's fun. Who are you talking about? Yeah, he's great.
He just did, he's doing Brian Marnock's show. He's very funny.
I think I met him once. He's nice.
But I don't give a fuck, dude.

Speaker 1 Who are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Watch. Oh, you're talking about...
I know who it is. His name's Morgan Jay.
Yeah, I like him. Yeah.
And I've heard a comic sound say the name go, like, isn't it cheating? I go, no, it's brilliant.

Speaker 1 Did you do it? Yeah, you didn't do it. So then shut the fuck up.
Dude, it's like, we're all going to die soon. Yeah, boo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, God willing, right? Let's just get through this. No, so I have no, I didn't see the show.
I have no fucking hate towards Donald. I think I liked Atlanta a lot.

Speaker 1 I think he makes a lot of great shit. I don't understand the industry trying to pit them against each other.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a weird thing to even put an article out and then shame on Vanity Fair, suck a dick for fucking being like, who's more talented? I mean, get bent.

Speaker 1 It's fucking get a better writer, write better questions. Snooty bullshit, man.
And Snooty bullshit. I'm going to get my fucking revenge on you.
Bobby's going to get his revenge on you.

Speaker 1 You'll see.

Speaker 1 Did you like the show? You liked it a lot?

Speaker 2 I'm still watching it, but it's really good.

Speaker 1 I'm sure it is. They're both fucking extremely talented.

Speaker 1 Are they assassins and they live together or whatever?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's not more on the spy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, can I say that?

Speaker 2 It's not more on the spy stuff. It's more like.

Speaker 1 Did you see the original with Brad Pitt and

Speaker 1 so good? You did.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're saying that this version is better.

Speaker 1 This is a TV show. Or

Speaker 1 is it hacky? Or is it, oh, we've been there, done that.

Speaker 1 I love Bobby. Wait, it's a TV.
Be honest, B, because your generation, you guys are shit when it comes to fucking film.

Speaker 1 I was hanging out with a girl the other day, and you know, and I go,

Speaker 1 would you watch movies? Yeah, like she'll say, so like, like, I like that, Mr. and Mrs.
Smith. I go, well, you never saw the original, no, you haven't seen any Cohen Brothers movie,

Speaker 1 Fargo, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 No country for old men, yeah, raising Arizona, Blood Simple.

Speaker 1 Get your shit together, man. There's shit out there, dude.
De Palma, Scorset, all those fucking legends. Legends.
Right? Do you ever see The French Connection? Never. Then go fuck Mr.
and Mrs. Smith.

Speaker 1 What? You gotta

Speaker 1 pressure a paper. Sure, because you're a movie elitist.

Speaker 1 No, I'm not a movie elitist. Yeah, you are.

Speaker 2 You're saying you have to watch all these other good classic movies to

Speaker 1 say that you're like. I am saying.
No. Thank you.
Welcome. Oh, so basically, what you're saying is this.
I've seen everything, right? And you're going, you should watch Mr. and Mrs.
Smith.

Speaker 2 Yeah, why can't you just enjoy a movie without like, oh, I've seen better movies?

Speaker 1 I don't because I don't trust your opinion.

Speaker 2 I also don't trust your opinion.

Speaker 1 I know exactly.

Speaker 1 And the reason why you're upset right now is because you know I'm right. No.
And that's sad. That's sad.

Speaker 1 I refuse to watch it. Okay, fine.

Speaker 2 Okay. I'm just saying I like it.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. What is this? Tokyo Cafe offers jobs for people with disabilities to remotely operate robots that serve customers.
Okay, but Tokyo?

Speaker 1 So if you want to go to a robot cafe, the robots are being operated by kids with disabilities. Yes, exactly.
Wow. It's a nice place for them.

Speaker 1 So the kids with disabilities are operating them remotely from their home? I think they're like in the back or something like that. They hide them? Yeah, like they don't want them to be remote.

Speaker 1 So they hide the kids with disabilities so you don't see it. Why don't they just have the kids with disabilities work at the restaurant? Or put the robot stuff on them.

Speaker 1 Or make them in robot suits. You want more.
That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
You know, so you know, if they're acting natural, you're going, oh,

Speaker 1 the mechanics is

Speaker 1 malfunctioning. Right.
Employees of waistaff remotely operated by individuals with a physical with physical limitations or disability. So it could just be somebody without legs.

Speaker 1 Or maybe, like, see that robot over there? Maybe they're like designed based on the person. So maybe the person in the back has no legs and stuff.
Right, there you go. Yeah.
That's interesting.

Speaker 1 How do you talk to the manager?

Speaker 1 Let me talk to the manager.

Speaker 1 I'm the manager. What's Japan?

Speaker 1 South Korean EAFC pro found guilty of faking a low IQ to avoid mandatory military service. Now, this is fucking brilliant.

Speaker 1 This is brilliant. Say, I'm dumb so you don't have to go to war? Yeah.
Fucking genius. That's genius.
How do you feel about that?

Speaker 1 You're in BTS.

Speaker 1 You're killing it. Millions, millions.
And then you got to do two years in the army.

Speaker 1 I think they should have some exemptions. If you're BTS, you don't get a fucking.
No, they have to go.

Speaker 2 They say there's some exceptions for like

Speaker 1 do they have to go? Sports.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sports, but not the BTS. Oh, so is Pop Wave Wait? So is Sun from Korea

Speaker 1 Tottenham. Did he ever do two years? I think he did.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Tens of thousands of young South Koreans are drafted each year to perform their duty, but athletes and artists can get exemptions if they're seen. So artists.

Speaker 1 So I guarantee you, the BTS doesn't have to do it. No, they're doing it.

Speaker 1 They are doing it. They're doing it because they want to, because it's going to help their image.
They obviously could get an exemption.

Speaker 1 Oh, but if you don't do it, you can get an exemption, but they'll probably shame you. 100%.
Ah.

Speaker 1 Huh. I think we should do this in America.
We should make you serve. Well, Elvis did.
They made Muhammad. Remember, Ali got his fucking championship fucking torn away from him because of that.
Elvis?

Speaker 1 He wouldn't go. Elvis served.
He did. Yeah.
But Ali did it, and then he got fucking fucked for it.

Speaker 1 Muhammad Ali, Cassius Clay.

Speaker 1 Hey, thank you. I didn't know who Mohamed.
I knew Cassius, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, Toby Keith died. You didn't know that? Toby Keith is dead? Yeah.
The music artist. Yeah, he'll put him in 62.

Speaker 1 It's the American way.

Speaker 1 Wait, he fucking. How did he die? Do you know this? Stomach cancer.
He just died, I think, today. Holy shit, really? I don't know who Toby Keith is.
He was a famous country music artist. He died?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. He was so young, he died of stomach cancer.
Oh, no. I kind of don't care.
Dude. Jesus, what do you mean you don't care? An An American icon, dude.
I don't like country singers. Who cares?

Speaker 1 They don't like you. What? It's an insane.

Speaker 1 I don't like him. He's dead, dude.
May you relapse and die. That's insane.
It's not that crazy.

Speaker 1 Based on what you said. I have 30 days tomorrow.
Oh, congratulations. Congrats.

Speaker 2 You know, I've never been noticed when I go public. And I guess the podcast is like getting really popular.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait. What's up, stop? You've been noticed before.
What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Barely.

Speaker 2 And then now it's like every time i go out someone like

Speaker 2 knows me and then at work when when did it start

Speaker 2 december like every time i go out someone knows me and then at work the chair of the cinema and television department knows me what's she say he was like he he was like oh you're from that podcast hey what'd you say i was like uh yeah

Speaker 2 and then he kept asking like oh how how's the podcast been how are you how's Bobby and Andrew? It's like, they're okay.

Speaker 2 But then my manager found out about it. And then she was like, oh, you're in a podcast? It's like, yeah.
And then she was like, oh, what's the name? And

Speaker 2 I said, no, you don't have to know.

Speaker 1 Trust Tuesday. Just say Trust Tuesday.

Speaker 2 Because I don't think she'll like it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Don't let anybody know.

Speaker 1 Don't be. No.
No, no, don't let anybody know. Be ashamed.

Speaker 2 But it's my manager.

Speaker 1 Be ashamed.

Speaker 2 Like, we've talked about sex,

Speaker 2 anal, everything here. I don't think she'll like it.

Speaker 1 Well, how do you know her? What if she loves it?

Speaker 2 No, I know her. She's like, I don't.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, don't say anything now because you're listening now.

Speaker 1 Do you like her? I like her.

Speaker 2 She a bitch. I like her.

Speaker 1 I'm just scared of her. Yeah, yeah.
You do great work on the show. Nah.
No, they do. They love her.
Good work on the show. Yeah.
And let me say something. No, you agree.

Speaker 1 There's a new sheriff in town, though. There's a new sheriff in town.
Oh, the goop. And it's called The Goop.
The Goop has taken over.

Speaker 1 In fact, we should have you and the goop together. Yes, yeah.
I think you and the goop together will be good.

Speaker 1 Dead ski? No. No, there's a new sheriff in town.
Sheriff in town. The goop.

Speaker 1 And he's got water guns. Obviously, you don't listen to the show then.
Yeah, clearly. Yeah.
Well, this week's episode. Uh-huh.
What? Listen to it. The goop.
The goop is the best. He's the best.

Speaker 1 Wait till you see this. You wait to see this.
I'm in love with him. The way that people love you, we love the goop.
And I will say this, all joking aside. Yeah.
I do love you, Jules.

Speaker 1 I think it's wild to think

Speaker 1 how much we've like watched you grow and grown up with you and it's fucking crazy it like really moves me sometimes to think you're family to me I love you and it's

Speaker 1 it's crazy used to hate him yeah not hate scared

Speaker 1 are you afraid and you I used to be so scared of you when and I wouldn't talk to you when all the time still now no because we're family now yeah you love me now like when I first moved I know you were pretty scared she never hated us.

Speaker 1 She was scared because we're squeezed. You're not scared anymore.
No. No.
Yeah, you feel great.

Speaker 1 But you know what made me think how beautiful it is, what this family means to me and the fans truly when we go out on the road. It's great.
Is I think what a weird world and time we're living in.

Speaker 1 When we started this show during the pandemic after your dad died,

Speaker 1 and this little fucking brownie came into the studio to stop you

Speaker 1 from going to get COVID.

Speaker 1 The whole goal was to keep Bobby away from 7-Eleven, from Rydeid. Oh, she came as a microphone.

Speaker 1 She was your chaperone, a child.

Speaker 1 We were going to have her on. No, we didn't want to put her on.
And then once she showed up, how was she on? You asked her? Well, we started talking to her because she was in the room. Oh, right.

Speaker 1 We gave her a microphone. Right.
And then to think you were guarding Bobby from getting COVID. Yeah.
Now you've had it five times.

Speaker 1 Five or six, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, my lower back. Oh, my God, it's terrible right now.
Not only have you had it five or six times,

Speaker 1 you've had it so many times, so frequently, you don't even fucking give a shit anymore. I don't care about it.
Yeah, it's lower back. Wow, how we've grown.
You know? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway, guys, thanks for listening. Thank you for being a bad friend.