Rudy Rates Drake’s… Personality

Hey, Bad Friends. We're on tour still.
We have the last leg. That's it.
We have Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Yep.
Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. Oh, yeah.
Tucson, Arizona. We're going to the desert.
Yeah, buddy. We're going out.
Yeah. Las Vegas, Nevada closing it out.
We end the tour. 420 in Las Vegas, Nevada.
Please join the Bad Friends. We will not be going out for a long time now.
We've got our own stuff going on. We're going to tour separately.
We might not go out for years. Who knows? So go to Windsor canada or niagara falls or tucson or vegas go to badfriendspod.com for tickets badfriendspod.com you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and an asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends what are these pamphlets that you i don religious guy.
Oh, you remember? Oh my God, we got to talk about this guy. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, this guy.
Where was it? In Salt? No, no, no. Reno? No, Salt Lake.
No. No, Reno.
No, Temecula. God damn it.
Temecula, right? Yeah, he comes solo. Yeah, we have- He has plastic see-through bags.
Yeah. Right? And you know, so when we do meet and greets, we like it when the fans have a bag because you never know what's going to happen.
The gifts are amazing. Yeah, it's either like somebody hand drew a naked photo of my penis or they'll...
Which we've gotten like 30 of them. 30 of those, right? For some reason.
Or like, you know, a letter of some sort. Like, you saved our lives.
Or a dope piece of art. A dope piece of art.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah yeah but i know but we appreciate we appreciate the fans so much i really and we throw it in the garbage no we don't you're sick dude no we keep it in a anyway we have a warehouse full of we actually do have a thank you for the gift shit i mean and we love them so a man came up to us and said rudy you this.
And hi, Rudy. Welcome back.
Welcome back. And your headband is on backwards, but leave it that way because that is perfect.
Yeah, yeah. No, no, leave it.
I love. I love.
I love. I love.
I love. I love.
I love. I love.
I love. I love.
You are evil. Ebola.
Ebola. No, evil.
Evil. Evil.
Oh, evil. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, God. You're going to be this slow all day today? Jesus.esus this guy gave us so he came up to us and he said i think you guys would be interested in my in my church and my god and i said would your god like us does he know about the show it's almost as if what show are you watching he loves us i know but know, but it's like, but he understands that

if we accept Jesus Christ

as our Lord and Savior,

the show changes.

No, that's not true.

We can accept Jesus.

I talk about rabbits

and sewing machines

and all that stuff.

Jesus invented all that.

Oh, yeah.

Lord is behind all that.

The Lord did it.

Have you ever

Jesus style? What? You just go like this i have you pump away yeah you've never done that yeah but so much blood on the hands too much you know i mean and i bleed out the bible prophecies about the second coming of jesus so he handed us these pamphlets and he goes i really think you guys should i really think you'd benefit from lord from lord yeah and i think i agree you we should use Lord more? Should we be more Lord-like? Is it like a different Lord where it's like the religion's about sex and butt-fucking? No, no, no, no. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck? What is that? I've never even heard of that before in my entire life. It's like a volcano of Filipino mountain god or something.
Yeah, I don't like that. How many gods do you have in the Philippines? We're Catholicism, so like we praise to like three.
Three gods? I think Catholics only have one god. The Holy Son.
No, the Spirit. I don't know.
The Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Yeah, we...
That's all the same guy. Oh.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Unfortunately, it's the same guy. Here's my fear.
The father, son, and the Holy Ghost is different, but it's the same guy. It's like Steve Buscemi in Big Lebowski, in Con Air, and in Billy Madison.
Did you see that theory on the internet? Did I send you this? Mm-mm. That they exist all in the same universe? Yes.
Let's go to that theory

after this God thing. Sorry.

My brain is running wild.

I know it's running real wild.

Well, I'm free today.

I'm free too. When it rains,

I get free, baby. It pours.

That's what my grandfather said.

When it rains, we pour.

When it rains, we pour.

Happy holidays. Is your boyfriend doing anything for you for I don't know.
Valentine's Day? I don't know yet. Maybe.
Well, the good news is you can dump that guy because we have prospects that want to take you out for Valentine's Day. Yeah.
Who? Go ahead, Carlos. A lot of people reached out to the Carlos in the booth Gmail after a couple weeks ago when you said that you were open to dating a woman.
A lot of people sent in applications and we got a few of them right here. So we got a few right here.
Bridget M. I'm a 24-year-old living in Lake Tahoe and I'm a ski instructor and lesbian.
She's pretty. I heard the Bad Friends episode about Rudy and her curiosity about women.
I've been gay for a while now and I'd love to take Rudy on a no pressure fun date. I'm an easygoing, loving sweetheart big fan of the whole crew and wish you all the best.
Let me know if you have any questions. Best Bridget M.
What do we think about Bridget M? She sounds fun. That would be nice.
You go skiing with her? Yeah I've never done skiing so she can teach me. She would love to teach you.
She'll teach you pizza pie. She's pretty.
She is. So what do we think on the scale of would not date zero definitely would five out of one out of five.
It's not judging her looks or just judging the likelihood. The vibe.
The vibe. The vibe.
Eight. Okay it's out of five but yeah.
No that's okay. It's alright.
So you really like her. No probably three.
Okay three. Alright let's see the next one.
May I judge? You can do. Yeah, go back up.
May I judge? Okay, one out of five, you'd take care of. Are you going to judge or no? No, no, I'm not a lesbian.
Oh, either of mine, but okay. May I try? That's debatable.
All right. A four.
So a four you would go on a date with. If I was a woman, yes.
If I was a woman, my fear would be she would be a ski instructor. I'd take me on the hill.
embarrass myself in front of her yeah and i put the pole you know what she can do it you know oh she's like hold on to this no i know where to put this you know uh there's two of them oh right all right let's go to the next person uh olivia m it's olivia from dallas 25 i think jules and i have some common interests but i also believe we have a similar sense of humor and i appreciate how straightforward she can be i'm also recently open about my bisexuality so we could find comfort in each other and with any initial awkwardness anyway i'm an office manager by day beyond that i enjoy riding motorcycles playing video games and adding to my star wars collection i'm not much of a partier i't drink or smoke. I'm not trying to spend evenings unwinding with an anime binge.

Not sure if I'm her type,

but worth a shot.

She's so cute.

She is.

She's crazy.

One through five.

I have a boyfriend.

No, but it doesn't count

if it's a girl.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's the rules.

Hypothetically.

Hypothetically.

No, no, no.

Everybody knows that's the rules. That is the rules.
Like I have my guy. Yeah, I have my guy too.
Okay. Yeah, that's the rules.
Hypothetically. Hypothetically.
No, no, no. Everybody knows.
That's the rules. That is the rules.
Like, I have my guy. Yeah, I have my guy, too.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.
This one's a five, I think. I know.
Yeah? Yeah. Well, she's got a job.
She has a car. Well, we haven't seen the other candidates, so let's put her into four.
Whoa. Whoa.
You might go back. You might go back.
Yeah. All right.
You're a little bit of a snob though, huh? You want a roster? You want a reserve five for sure. Yeah, but five for me.
He's so pretty. She's gorgeous.
She could also be two foot eight. You can't.
Oh, man. No, she's leaning against a vehicle.
She was doing that to show you scale. How old is she? Oh, no.
Unless that's a micro car. That's a little.
I think it's a catfish. You think it's a catfish? This little what do you mean what do you mean like it's not like in 1080 zoom zoom in that looks pretty legit to me lo who takes a photo in the office like that that's how it got to be her work photograph it's got to be no but that's how peep that's how catfishes use photos like this they do yeah i've.
Have you been catfished? No, because that looks like a,

what do you call it?

One of those like stock,

like a stock photo.

Stock photo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That doesn't look like a stock photo.

This looks like a real,

okay, it's the same girl twice.

Well, yeah, obviously yes.

It's not fake.

Oh, let's move on.

God, I would get catfished, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah, I bet.

The next one is Elsa Y.

Hey, Bad Friends Pod. My name's Elsa, 22 from Seattle.
I love the show. I think Rudy's cute as hell.
Super funny. I'd love to go on a date with her.
I think we might be a good match because I'm also bi-curious. I have kissed a woman and it was awesome.
Look at that. She likes pussy.
Aw, and she has a cat? Mm-hmm. That's not hers.
That's just for the photo. Oh.
Three. Three.
Okay. Let's see the next one.
How many of these do we have eight let's keep going Madeline 22 year old woman lives in Illinois I'm getting out as soon as humanly possible I like Rudy many others one of the most perfect addition to the podcast makes me laugh chilled out personality not sure what interests are I'd be more willing to learn I did see her briefly enjoying a knife which is sick as i love yeah yeah what's a bell song valley song i can't see it zoom in what is what's a valley song yeah you know is that your language valley song no valley song personally my favorite thing to do is is to learn pretty down to do anything seeing new places what's a valley song I got to be honest with you, and that second, oh, it's a butterfly knife. Oh.
Yeah. Whoa.
You know how cool that is to do that? That thing, you know how they flick it? Yeah. Go back to the photo.
Isn't that Dylan Klebold on the right? That's not the Columbine shooter on the right? That is very much Columbine-y. This is, honestly, this is what Carlos likes.
Really? Yeah, wild. I could die.
Well, she's got a ferret there or is that a what is that it's a ferret yeah bobby's projecting right now onto me you can tell how quickly george knew what a ferret was he's like that's been up my ass no because i went out with a girl since colina broke up and she was like super poor and i went into her bedroom and she had like you know like scully kind of posters and stuff no furniture but on her thing was like super poor. And it went into her bedroom and she had like, you know, like scully kind of posters and stuff.
No furniture. But on her thing was like switchblades and, you know what I mean? Like other like clippings of nails on the table.
Just weird shit. Some residue.
You don't even know what it is. You know what I mean? And so you look at the sheets and stuff.
You're like, oh my God, it's so dirty, right? It it sounds kind of familiar were you at your house you just walk into your real fucking asshole today so keep going she had any well she anyway was the sex good i never fucked her but i made out with her and in my mind i'm like oh i'm into this oh oh you like bad girls like a danger like harley Don't you love Harlequin, Nick? Yeah. You know what I mean? Nicky loves that kind of stuff.
And you have like your girl that you're going to go on and burn things down. She's like, meet me at the cemetery at nine.
Yeah. That's the start of the date.
And then you watch a movie there or what? No, you just, you chase each other around. Now they do the movies and the...
Oh, I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, go ahead. Let's move on.
You like her? One through five.

Three.

Three.

Okay, there's another three.

I'm a four.

Oh.

Okay, this is Michelle N.

My name is Michelle from San Diego,

Bobby's hometown.

I'm submitting my application

for girl, Juliana.

My hands and knees

for a woman.

I'm on my hands and knees.

I'm 21 years old

and I'd love to court her.

Four.

Well, she's biting a girl, right?

Why?

You know why?

Biting a cat. Because she's brown.
Yeah. Let me say something about white people.
Why? I want to defend George, Nick, right? They're pure people. And let me say something about that, okay? That's right, brother.
Yeah, they're pure people. Preach the word, brother.
They're dry. That's right.
Their skin is super dry. I'm cracking right now.
Right? When they age, they shrivel up. Oh, yeah.
Like a raisin. Like Clint Eastwood men.
Right? Get off my porch, Korean. Some of them are like, they seem dirty.
What kind? What? What kind? You know what I mean? Yeah, this type. What does that mean? They crease.
I'll just say your name. You're here.
All right? They seem dirty, but let me say something. Creative as fuck.
Like when they come up with like back in the medieval days with like- So you're saying- What I'm saying is that based on the photo, she wasn't the hottest one, but just because she was brown, you chose her. No, I- Because you feel safe.
No. Because you think white people are evil.
No, no. I think she's really cute.
Okay. And also, she thinks white people are evil.
These two things can coexist. Am I too much today? I think I'm- I think you're right on the mic.
No, should I calm down? I think it's- I'll be- I feel like I'm like very- No, no, no. Are you excited Nick's here or something? No.
I thought that was the excitement. Our good friend Nick Price is in the studio today.
I love him, but- Well, what, what?

He's not, he's being fine.

Stop judging.

I wasn't.

We're not judging.

I feel like I'm elevated or like yelling and-

Well, it could be George is here because when George is here, it kind of tunes you up a

little bit.

It gets me riled up.

It does.

Why is Fancy not here?

He's on the East Coast.

He's out of town this week.

I still also want to read more of this, okay?

Okay, that's okay.

Let's keep going. There's Holly L.
Too want to read more of this, okay? Okay, that's okay. Let's keep going.

There's Holly L.

Too much to read.

She's 22 from the UK.

Despite us English girls being known for looking like Gorlock.

Five.

I can assure you with my photos.

So pretty.

Five.

I absolutely do not.

I'm very single, interested in, not interested in anyone in England.

It's dire times.

I would marry her right now, five. What? She said she loves dogs.
She has a black Labrador. She underlined black in all caps for some reason.
I have black nutsacks. I'm extremely adventurous foodie.
She loves food. She looks like she's a dom.
She's a dom. Yeah, you're sub for sure.
I feel like I, yeah. She's pretty beautiful.
What do we think about this girl? Three. What?

You're so fucking dumb right now.

What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?

Fuck you.

What the fuck is wrong with you, dude?

We're giving you fucking-

That's prime white.

Also English.

Prime white.

But I want my color.

This is OG white.

OG white, dude.

Can I try my first time with my own color?

You fucking bigot, dude.

You're such a racist.

It's so crazy.

Get outside of your own

circle you know what dude what i'm kind of agreeing with some people about the border i'm tired of it i'm on your side i told you i'm telling you we gotta close it up yeah the separation maybe is right okay fine four four no don't change i'll do four four. Five it.
Go down. Give her a five.

All right, the next one is Sadie B.

Sadie 24 lives in Southern Maine.

She wants to, I look tough because I work in a prison.

Whoa.

Whoa.

And I'm also very soft and silly.

Whoa.

Rudy is hilarious.

Such a great person.

Question my sexuality while I go to.

But after hearing your awareness test, I can promise you, you're gay, babe.

Yeah.

I know we could have some good time together. Let's hang out.

Oh, man. She'll lock you up.
Yeah, yeah. Uh, three.

Dude. I think...

What? I don't know. I don't know.

What is happening here?

I mean, every one of these girls is pretty.

Every one of them. Yeah.

I have a little thing about the

second photo. What?

I mean, she sent the one

with the fucking pimple patch

on her face.

It's because it's showing

that she's human

just like you.

Ah, okay.

I like it.

She's in uniform there.

What's that little badge say?

Can you zoom in?

What does that say?

Derek Chauvin is innocent?

No.

That's crazy.

It says that?

No, it says

Kyle Rittenhouse is God. Oh, okay, okay.
That's what it says there no it says Kyle Rittenhouse's

God

oh okay

that's what it

says there

he's sexy

she is

he only gave

her a three

let's move on

I mean it's

insane

next up is

Bailey O

hi I'm

Bailey 21

I live in

North Carolina

okay yeah

this I get

I work at

Hooters so

I'm good with

women

5'10

she can be

a crazy

and bitchy

and she said

she also

doesn't have

tits

she says

she's flat

but she works

at Hooters

what is it

Thank you. 5'10".
She can be a crazy and bitchy and she said she also doesn't have tits. She says she's flat.
I love it. She works at Hooters.
What do you think? A one. We should open up I just feel like I'd be scared of her.
Yeah, she'd fuck you up. She's 5'10".
5'10"? Says she's a little flat. But she works at Hooters, which is crazy.
Small boobies are fun. Great chicken wings.
No, why would she have small tits and work at Hooters? It's the fucking whole thing. I know, but you know what? We should open up a restaurant called Peckers.
Huh? Peckers, little Peckers, and all the serving are men with little tiny penises. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. And you would be lead on the floor.
So one out of five? Yeah, I'm just, I don't know. I'm just scared.
She seems like nice, but I feel like- This is the white that you are scared of. I like it.
This is the white you're scared of. Yeah.
I understand. I'm a white.
More, more, more, more, more, more, more. That's it actually.
Oh, okay. All right.
So of all the candidates, let's slowly scroll back up and see. So unfortunately, Bailey is a no for you.
She lives too far. The cop.
Okay. The Sadie B that works in the prison.
Sadie B. Then we've got the Brit, Cheerio, Molly L.
Then we've got the brown that bites cat. She likes the brown.
Michelle. Then we've got Dylan Klebold, Madeline T.
And then we've got Elsa Y, Let It Go. And then we've got Olivia M.
We liked her too. She's, yeah, she's pretty.
You think she's a catfish maybe. And our first girl goes back to the very beginning.
That's Bridget. Can I do top three? Yeah.
Yeah, do top three. Okay.
First one is Michelle. Yeah, we know.
The brown one. The brown one.
Number two is this girl. It's Bridget.
Number three. Number three is the second one.
Three is this one, Olivia. For the wedding of the lamb has come,

and his bride has made herself ready.

Blessed are the... Dude, what the fuck are you doing, dude?

We're trying to have a moment.

I'm doing my fucking monologue.

Can you not?

Fucking sorry, dude.

Rude.

I'm sorry.

It's out of pocket, dude.

No, no, no.

Truly.

Truly out of pocket, dude.

Pig.

For the wedding of the lamb's come,

Thank you. truly truly out of pocketed pig for the wedding of the lambs come all right you know what dude get out get out of the room man if you're gonna fuck up his shit you gotta get out talk about god and the lord dude they're one in the same all right i'm out i'm out no will you can you just learn to not laugh when i'm being serious sure yeah look at me Look at me right now, dude.
I'm gonna look at you

while I say this.

And if you fucking laugh,

I swear to fucking God,

you're fired.

All right, let's go.

What do you think?

I've been wanting to fire him

for a long time.

I know, here we go, dude.

All right.

George, I swear to fucking God, dude.

Ready? Here we go.

For the wedding of the lamb has come And his bride has made herself ready Blessed are those Who are invited to the wedding supper Of the lamb Very good Is that what it says I don't know what it means Let me read it I don't know what it means Say it the way read it. I don't know what it means.
Let me read it. Yeah, yeah.
Say it the way I said it. Or do it better.
For the wedding of the lamb has come. There we go.
And his bride has made herself ready. Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the lamb.
The bridegroom is the lamb. The bride is the wife of the lamb.
Guess invitees. Who is the bride? The wife of the lamb.
This is why I don't fuck with this stuff because it's too much. What are you talking about? What are you fucking talking about? I've never seen a lamb.
Anyway. Blessed are the.
I've never have. Have you ever seen the lamb? People talk about the Bible talks about lambs and sheep.
I've never seen them. Well, it's not.

He tried a part of my life.

The bride of Christ of the lamb's wife is a metaphor used in a number of related verses in the Christian Bible specifically.

Whatever, blah, blah, blah.

Yeah.

I believe in I believe in something.

I have a belief system.

I just do.

I don't like rhetoric.

I don't like where I just don't like all.

It's like, let me just believe in my fucking.

Let me ask you something.

Let's be real, dude. Yeah.
Okay be real dude yeah okay let's as a consensus in the bad friends you know ecosystem here let's get a consensus over here right consensus yeah okay Nick please okay consensus let's get a consensus that's what I said let's let's go gay marriage what do we feel yes supportive we'll say it on the count of three one two three no no why it's a sin okay no let's be real though i'm trying to get the ecosystem okay of course yes i'm going to a gay marriage soon yeah I love them I love the Abbey let me tell you something I don't like any weddings anymore I don't want to go to anybody's wedding I don't want to go I don't want to go Viator yo dog what's up what's up sometimes I go on vacations dude and I need Viator well what is Viator Viator has over 300,000 bookable travel experiences. Because you're on an island.
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Yeah, what do you think of gay marriage?

Yeah, I don't give a fuck.

I don't care what people do.

Okay, how about this one?

Sex before marriage.

One.

Absolutely against it. You've done.
No. You've 100 this one? Sex before marriage.
One. Absolutely against it.

You've done... No.

You've done 100%. Never had sex before marriage.

Really? Nope. Waited.

Never even got a

tugger. Interesting.

Nothing. So your wife...

Your wife? Yes.

Scout's honor. Scout's honor.
Right.

Sex before marriage. Yes.
How about yes?

How about these guys? Yes. Nick? You're fine with it sinner sin sin sin does the border have anything to do with the bible a little bit I'm running out of things guys oh that murder here we go murder yes right wrong right it depends it's wrong depends on who you're killing.
Exactly. Self-defense.
Yeah. You can kill.
Dude, this girl loves fucking murder. That's her whole thing.
All right, let me give you a scenario. Okay.
By the way, we should build the border out of Bibles. Dude, that's so brilliant.
Then when they try to get over here, they can grab one and read what's really going on. Get the word of the Lord while they're trying to scale the wall.
That's so good. We should put other things in the wall.
If we're going to put pamphlets in B well something that's exciting like how about that new how about that with that crab book that people like what's it no i mean the um what no no they did a movie about it it's about the southern it's a it's a they did a movie about it's a southern movie i read it it's about the crab not the crabs but what are you looking for buddy?

it was a book

anyway other books

how about this

I don't know much books

so what do we put in?

like

The Sun Also Rises

by Hemingway

I love

there we go

or something that they

oh remember that book

I saw online today

Hatchet

remember the book Hatchet

everyone had to read that

it popped back up to me

this book

yeah

like every kid in junior high had to read that fucking book why Why would it have to do with hatchets? I don't fucking remember the book. Yeah, yeah.
Gary Paulson though. I remember the name.
Gary Paulson. What was it about? McCone, do you remember? I think it was about a kid that got lost in the Alaskan wilderness.
That's right. And he had a kid.
It's an honor. Zoom in.
It's an honor award winning young adult wilderness survival novel. Gary Paulson.
I think he's from Minnesota. Shut the fuck up.
You ruin everything. You ruin everything.
Always. Yeah.
About Brian Roberts survival following a plane crash. Explores the theme of positive thinking and perseverance.
He faces challenges from nature. Bears, porcupines, dehydration, and starvation with only his trusty hatchet

to help him.

Can we go back to the wall

or do we want to go back

to the fucking Bible?

The wall.

Wall, wall, wall.

Build the wall.

Build the wall.

Build the wall.

What about incest love?

But not like direct,

like relative?

Like what about second cousin?

Oh, you're talking like

royal family stuff.

Yeah.

Yeah, like mona. Yeah.
Yeah. You know what? That's a good question.
Yeah. Thank you for that question.
And I'm going to go. May I dive in? Oh, God, please.
Right? First cousin, no. Second, yeah.
Well, I'm done with first. Jesus Christ, so fast.
So, I'm not also done with first cousins. There's caveats.
Okay. All right.
You can marry your first fucking cousin. Where? In like 10 states.
Mm-hmm. Laws regardless.
California you can. I know.
California, Alaska, Hawaii, New Mexico, Colorado. Yeah.
Florida, Georgia. Yeah.
South Carolina, Tennessee, Alabama, Virginia, New York, and Jersey.

And the places- And Massachusetts and Maine.

And the places they actually do it, it's super illegal.

Like Texas.

Right, it's a criminal offense in Texas.

That's when they do it, that's where they do it,

and it's like, no.

Can you imagine North and South Dakota had to bond together?

What if one of them was like, no way,

and the other one was like, come on.

And they're like, come on, we're a package deal. We're North and South Dakota.
Do you have any hot cousins? No. Yeah, either do I.
I mean, I don't view them. No, but that's rude to say.
I'm sure they're pretty. My cousins are, yeah, like, it's like I have, they're, I have, they're not ugly people.
How many first cousins do you have? A thousand. My mom's one of 10 kids.
You have 28 first cousins. I have a million 28 you a dog

What did you just say did you just say are you a dog?

You are what you eat

You are what you eat

No, no, just just just just just let that sink in. You are what you eat.
And I'll tell you why that's good. It was good.
It was fast. It was very fast.
It was something that you would say. It's something I would say.
Right. He's learning.
I'm going to give you credit. That was very funny.
Yeah. Okay.
I just stood up because of the timing. It was perfect.
It was very good. I'm going to keep you props for her.
Thank you, mom.

Very good.

Awesome.

Wow, that was very good.

That was good.

What did you think?

That was very good.

Very good.

Why do you ask, Rudy, do you want to marry one of your cousins?

No, I'm just saying.

Have you ever kissed a cousin?

No.

You ever had a crush on one of your cousins?

Yeah, I've told you.

Yeah, that's right.

I'm just saying.

That's right.

I feel like that's fine to marry your second cousin. Why is is it what of all the people you could meet you just feel comfortable with family no no like what if there's like an actual like attraction and like it's just pure love yeah let's say you're you're single you're at a fucking family function your second cousin is margot robbie yeah right she's single yeah you're at the banquet yeah buffet table whatever i don't know what you guys eat but um fried chicken i don't know anyway anyway right anyway you know me you guys are at the chicken plate okay i'm me and you're margot robbie hey i don't know how she's she's from aust.
Oh, yeah. I don't want to do...
Hello? Perfect. Hello.
Hey, what's up, Margot? How are you? Good to see you. Congrats on everything that's been going on.
Barbie, what a success. Thank you.
Thank you. It's incredible.
I heard you... Are you sick? Yeah.
I'm under a little cold. You sound different, Mark.

I am.

Can you imagine how hot Margot Robbie is and with this voice?

Yeah.

You'd never fuck her.

Anyway, I love you on The Bad Friends.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you so much.

Thank you, Margot.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah.

Can I have some of that gouda?

Can you pass the gouda?

You like the fuck?

Sorry?

Anyway, gouda?

Yeah, the gouda place. Thank you.
Here's the gouda. Thank you, Margot.
Yeah, yeah. Thank you.
Hello, hello? Yeah, I would never hook up with this cousin. That's, I mean.
I don't know. Anyway.
No, even if Margot Robbie was your cousin. No, of course not.
Second cousin. No, because you'd still be like, that's my family.
Okay, okay. What if you met someone and then you fall in love with them? And then you find out? And then you find out.
Then I kill myself. I jump off a fucking bridge.
I feel like it's fine. You, you're, yeah, I know.
But can you have a baby with your second cousin and the baby become normal? Yeah, the likelihood slides, I think, after. Maybe a little autism.
Something. Well, look at all of us in this fucking room.
Yeah, yeah. Are we cousin babies? Yeah, yeah.
The child of a second cousin is known as a second cousin once removed. To put this in perspective, you're the second cousin once removed.
Right. But the chances of having, what are the chances of having birth defects from cousins? This is insane.
I know. She's a person.
Yeah, she did it. The risk of birth defects is slightly higher than for the child of unrelated parents.
Three to four percent compared to two to three for any child. So really, you're only a percent higher with your second cousin.
It's still a gamble, huh? You're like... Get Cats Vegas, baby.
What? Hit the tables. But third cousin, you're fine.
Four to seven percent if there's closer blood. Whoa.
Now, if you had a baby with... God forbid, no one does it.
God forbid. With your sister, biological sister, what would happen?

Oh my God, what?

Give me the percentage on that.

I mean, with sibling, 75%.

No, what is it?

The birth defect rate of all kinds is about 2%.

Between siblings, it's three to four.

The increase is 75%, not 25.

75%.

No, it just says the increase is about 75%. from two from two oh wow okay the problem is when multiple generations do it it's not just one wow wow wow wow wow wow wow or just not can i have babies can i say something yeah they shouldn't just fucking up this just to make people more deterred i know Because if you're a pervert and you're looking online about like

what if my sister and then you're like 2%

fucking whatever. Manipulate

the numbers. Yeah they should change the numbers

to be a little bit higher.

0.2% of all marriages in the United States are

between second cousins or closer. That means

there are about 250,000 Americans that are in

second cousin relationships right now. That's interesting.

So somebody we know

maybe. Yeah.
Do you think if you and I go back, our ancestries, that we find some sort of like connection? Incest? No, but just maybe how many generations would you and I would have to go back? Never ever in a million. Nothing.
There's got to be. You kind of look the same though.
Okay. Shut the fuck up.
What the fuck are you talking about? It's like something. Back in the, you don't think we can go like 100 000 years back no because i'm from an island ireland's a little fucking i'm from peninsula yeah it's not okay how would we yeah they don't work i know about this yeah the blooming yeah but how would we even link up we would never link we would never have any sort of connection i mean it's just too far back okay you two, for sure.
No, island, peninsula.

Yeah, but you're still on the same side of the world.

But not only that, they've been mixed with other bloods.

Spanish.

No, he means like creatures from the sea.

Oh, I like that.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Trust me, I know you do.

No, but you know, like the Spanish, you guys have been colonized.

That's right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Did you hear about this?

Look if this is true.

They said all blue-eyed people are related. Oh, wow.
All blue eyes stem from one man. Wow, wow, wow, wow.
Isn't that crazy? And they said it's incest, right? Well, here you keep going back. Yeah, yeah.
We're going to move past incest right now. Yeah.
Get everything out now and then we'll move past. New research shows that people with blue eyes have a single common ancestor.
Go up to the top. Scientists have tracked down a genetic mutation which took place 6,000 to 10,000 years ago.

6,000 to 10,000 years ago.

And it's the cause of the eye color of blue-eyed humans alive on the planet today.

So you're all a part of one fucking answer.

Not you.

Not you.

Are you blue-eyed, George?

Oh, yes, sir.

You would be.

You're Hitler's dream.

Look at this guy.

Blue-eyed, blonde hair.

But North India has a lot of blue-eyed people too.

Yeah, you know, George is actually one of those guys I would kick at this.

Hitler, who do you think you'd hang out with if you came back today?

Well, George Kimmel seems like somebody I would like to maybe get a snack with.

The way he dresses, the way he laughs, his glasses.

He reminds me of myself when I was his age.

You do have rage, man.

There's a rage deep down.

Bubbling.

I haven't seen you in so long.

It's deliberate, but it's good to see you now.

Yeah, it's just a little rage.

I'm scared of George more than I do.

What?

I know, exactly.

Wait, really, why?

Thank you.

There's something.

There's like rage.

There's a rage there.

Yeah, yeah.

It's bubbling.

I'm not rageful. Because mine comes with heart and love, and his There's something.
There's like rage. There's a rage there.
Yeah, yeah. It's bubbling.
I'm not rageful.

Because mine comes with heart and love.

And his is from something.

Something.

Something dark.

Yeah.

You're right.

Oh, so you don't suppress yours.

You express your feelings.

I let it rip.

The other day we did the show, you got a little depressed.

Very fucking depressed.

I came into the room and I go, are you okay?

I need my space.

And I get it.

You're very honest about your emotions.

And I love you so fucking much.

I love you.

And when you get sad, my little man gets sad, man. I get real sad too.
You know what bummed me out the most? The pizza was terrible. Dude.
I had the shit. Not only that.
I had the shit. It fucked my day up the next day.
It lingered in my body. Is that what you got a stomach? Dude, yes.
It fucked me up. My stomach hurts so bad.
Yeah. When we were sitting on that plane, we sat on the tarmac in Reno.
Yeah. For like a couple hours.
Yeah. They had to de-ice us, take us back, de-ice us, take us back.
The whole time I'm thinking, I'm going to shit myself. I'm going to shit myself.
I'm going to shit myself. I'm either going to shit right on McCone because he sat next to me.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or I'll just take one for the team and just do it in the seat.
I'll tell you, I know why it's bad. Because I took six Emodium ADs and I still had had diarrhea shout out to round table pizza yeah really putting in work now that you say that i want to bring up a gripe bring up a gripe i love and i want i don't want to see the restaurant oh should i have not said round table no no but there was a restaurant that we wanted to go to uh-huh carlos called and said the boys are in town i know you close you know i mean oh right right and we would love it and they go we don't give a fuck they don't they didn't they're here they were we don't give a fuck they're here no no thank you don't come in and i i'm i'm this close to fucking you know i'm this cool i wish you would i know i don't even remember that's why i can't you're doing your de niro when you do de niro it means you're mad i'm this fucking close i'm telling you right now i'm fucking this close that's really good and let me tell you something right now but Why don't even remember.
That's why I can't do it. You're doing your De Niro right now.
When you do De Niro, it means you're mad. I'm this fucking close.
I'm telling you right now. I'm fucking this close.
That's really good. And let me tell you something right now.
But why don't we give credit where credit's due? You know what restaurant stayed open for us? Round table. No.
Oh. In Salt Lake City.
Oh. In the bubble at the rooftop.
Well, not really rooftop of the higher regency in Salt Lake City. Remember we said outside? Oh my God.
Now that place? Respect. Phenomenal.
Phenomenal respect. Heavy props.
Loved it. Heavy props.
They stayed open late and then outside Bobby was first like, they're gonna fucking walk us outside? We're gonna eat outside? But it was like little huts, like little outdoor, your own little hut. Like we were in the Caribbean.
I wanna go there. And it was on the, look at that's our little hut right there.
That hut. And it had music and a heater.
Yeah, of course

this guy immediately

bluetooth his own fucking

phone. Yeah.

Like your DJ. Why are you DJ every

time? Let's rewind. You literally

turned to me in the middle of dinner and goes, I love

every song you've played. I know, I did.
So what

are you fucking talking about? I played

everything you like. I know, but I played Big Thief

and you were like, holy shit, I love this. I played so much shit you liked and now you're fucking flipping it for the pot it's not that i'm not flipping it for the pot and this is just a gripe that i have and you can you guys back me up please that for once here we go anytime there's a bluetooth whether in the backstage in the green room or any restaurant right it's always him that's in charge of the djing and it is and i'm wondering why did i see have i fucked up is he the is he the leader oh my god are you the leader i try to make the ambiance nice guy too my friend well then say i want the bluetooth you won't even let me that's right but say you want it so i know you do and then i go no anyway let's go back to the restaurant that restaurant was carlos you going to say what were you going to say just that was it your like bluetooth speaker like whose was that it was the restaurants oh they left it for us but no even in any situation have you noticed I think Andrews is trying to be nice bro thank you dude I really do because we had a tough night it was just I think he was just and the music selection was righteous you fucking liked everything I could this is what you do oh my god great I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm a part of fucking this society and I'm playing by these rules okay okay what you do is you think to yourself gee in every single situation I'm usually DJ and I hook up the bluetooth really quickly and just play my own music I think that's a nice thing to do I just stop just stop, right? Is that not a nice thing to do? In this particular situation, I'm going to do this.
Hey, guys, you guys want to be DJ for tonight? But he doesn't do that. Unbelievable.
You know, he goes right to the fucking Bluetooth thing. Oh, and then they connect with the speaker.
They pair. He's pairing too.
He looks around the room. You'll see what I got in store.
You know what I mean? It's like, all right, we get it, dude. No lie told.
Yeah, yeah. And then I play fucking bangers.
Some of them. Bangers.
Some of them are not. What? What did I play that you didn't like that night? Every fucking song.
Well, there's one song that you played that I can't stop listening to. What? Warren Zivon.
The best. So you're well.
That song. Warren Zivon, I know.
So I guess you're right. When sometimes you DJ, I do learn.

I do learn.

Full circle.

Yeah, but I can influence you too.

You won't let me.

No, that's not true.

Help me the fuck out.

You know what?

And then.

This is insane.

It's to say you don't bring it up, Bob.

You don't say anything.

If you said I want to DJ.

No, no, no.

Do it.

I said do it immediately.

Don't.

Don't George Bush him.

Yeah.

Don't George Bush him. I felt like that reporter when George Bush don't Bush him Bush duck yeah that was the best duck that was the best shoe duck he threw two shoes in world history he eyed it dude he's my president when I saw that that's the guy I did that's how you know he has good reaction time and good precision I mean he put both of both of those planes into the towers.
Yeah. This is Biden.
Yeah, right in there. This guy, he can throw a pitch.
Yeah, yeah. He can throw a pitch.
He can dodge a shoe and he can crash three planes into government buildings. He's the man.
He is the man. I love him.
Anyway, let's move on. Rocket Money.

You guys,

you know,

I have so many subscriptions on my phone

and iPad in stock.

It's ridiculous.

And I'm losing money

because, you know,

you don't even,

you're not even aware

of these things.

You know what I mean?

Some sort of like game thing.

Especially now that

all these companies

are now putting out

new apps and new versions

of the old one

that you used to pay for.

I swear to God,

I just got an email

two days ago.

I'm not going to say

from the company.

And they said,

we've been raised, we raised the rates already. We're doing it again.
I had no idea. And Rocket Money is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills.
You can see all your subscriptions in one place, which is great because usually you have no idea where they are and what you're paying for. And if you see something you don't want, you can cancel it with one little tap and it's gone.
You never have to get on the phone with customer service. And they're even going to try to get you a refund for the last couple of months of wasted money and negotiate to lower your bills for you up to 20%, which is impressive.
All you have to do is take a picture of your bill and Rocket Money will take care of the rest. Rocket Money has over 5 million users, including me and Bob, and has helped save its members an average of $720 a year with over 500 million in canceled subscriptions.
Stop wasting your money on things you don't use. Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocketmoney.com slash badfriends.
That's rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. Rocketmoney.com slash badfriends.
Butcher box. When I drive up to my house and I see a butcher box, I know that week I'm going to have beautiful pork chops.
I'm going to have bacon. I'm going to have some seafood.
You love salmon. What you're getting with butcher box is not just meat.
You're getting high quality meat. That's right.
Free range, organic chicken, pork raised, crate free and wild caught seafood. Humanely raised.
No antibiotics or added hormones. Here's the deal.
Exactly. You got to know what ButcherBox is at this point.
You've seen it. You've seen it either through us or through someone else that is in your neighborhood.
A variety of high quality cuts at an amazing value. This is the way to do it.
Why are you going to the butcher store or going to the grocery store? You don't need to do that anymore, man. Get it delivered right to your door.
Yeah. Okay.
I've been getting this now for a long time prior to them being on this show and uh they have seasonal uh recipes which is incredible uh this is delivered right to your front doorstep and uh butcher box is offering our listeners their choice of uh a weeknight meal essential three pounds of chicken thighs two pounds of ground beef or one pound of premium steak tips for free in every order with for a God. It's incredible.
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Sign up today at ButcherBox.com slash Bad Friends and use code code BADFRIENDS to choose your free offer and get $20 off. Anyway, so DJ, let's go.
Oh, the restaurant. So let's go back to the restaurant, right? Oh, it's phenomenal.
No, the restaurant that they denied us. Oh.
This is what it felt like. Well, what's the name of the one that we liked? Here, I'll pull it up right here.
Yeah. Oh, you don't know how to say it.
Marmuntayana. It was phenomenal.
On the rooftop of the Hyatt Regency in Salt Lake. Shout out to those guys.
They were great. And also the service was ooh la la.
She was incredible. Everybody was so great.
Ooh, it was great. Yep.
All right. Go back to the place you hate.
Let's go back to the fucking place that we call. Go ahead.
We call. And they acted as if like we don't want that garbage.
Yeah, they did. In our restaurant.
Yeah. Right? And I'm like, oh oh i'm sorry i'm just one of the top 10 comedy podcasts

on planet earth no on planet earth you know what i eat they didn't want it i could right now

write down the restaurant and go like this and go fuck this arrogant piece of shit the food

diarrhea worse than fucking yeah i could do that but i'm not you're not but next time we're in town if you do that again fuck you war war you don't want war with the league am I being a jerk I feel like I'm being arrogant but I'm gonna tell you something right now though alright they would probably do it to like oh the, the manager at fucking, you know,

Ryan is here.

You know what I mean?

That's how, come on in.

Let's go down the list of comics.

You think, would they do that to Burk Resher and Tom Segura?

I think they wouldn't.

They would have had a table for them.

I really, I truly believe they would.

What about Theo?

No.

They would deny him.

Yeah, he's garbage, I guess.

I mean, in terms of the, like we're rat people. Yeah.
Right, And he's a rat. And I love rat people.
He's the rat king. He's a rat king.
I love rat people. I love him.
He's hot. What? He's hot.
That's enough. Okay, enough of you.
We said stop doing that with our friend. He's not your cousin.
All right? So anyway. You like him, huh? Give me another name.
Who would, give me another name that would not get, or say gets sad. If they would get it or not? Yeah.
Spade. Oh, yeah.
100%. Oh, you you want to close we'll close the restaurant down for you i know all right give me another name schneider no yeah he's not like us he's like us now damn yeah he's in the wild but maybe he is still him yeah jim jeffries yeah yeah yeah get a table you yeah he would sit up a table you fucking Yeah Yeah, he would.
Sit up a table, you fucking-

Yeah.

I mean, I can tell you who-

Just off the-

You wipe your cheek, your left cheek.

I don't know if it's a booger or something.

Where?

On your left cheek.

That's a, yeah.

What is that?

Is that a boog?

It's wax or something.

Mm.

Is that what you find on the tub?

Yeah.

Mm.

You gonna open your gift right there I got you?

The barrel? Turn it around. Oh, this one? Yeah you The barrel Turn it around Open it up Yay You can't drink's dick That was leaked today It's as long as that It's big I heard it got leaked That.
I heard he got leaked. Look.
That's not Drake. It is.
That's, that doesn't, that guy. Also, don't pinch the base.
No, you got it. That gets more flow to the top.
I know, but it's still not like accurate. So wait a minute.
He sent this as a, as a. Like a private and then someone leaked it.
Oh, that's mean. Oh, that's mean, dude.
But I guess, or he, or he. It's so long.
Let me see. Go back again.
How'd you find it the first time? I think that's an yeah, I don't know. It's long.
It's not. I think that's just an image.
I think that's just. There's a video.
Alright. Alright, anyway.
What did you do all day today? Can we talk about your private life? So let me say something. So you're still at school.
Wait, I want to share my story.

Please.

Okay, so in our new house,

we think we have a ghost friend.

Go on.

Because every time Atikalaila goes to Hawaii,

I hear like footsteps and like Atikalaila's voice,

like just talking in her room.

Yeah, that's me.

It's not you.

Okay, sorry.

But it's been happening like-

Then you're in the house by yourself when she's gone?

By myself.

But it doesn't seem like it's a bad energy.

It's just there.

So the ghost is mocking, it's like a parrot, it's mocking her?

Kinda.

And it's like walking around like at night, especially at 12 a.m. Does it say Rudy? Does it say anything to you? No, but it's specifically at the Kalilah's voice.
Okay. The four dogs, are they in the room with you? Yeah, and they don't care.
They're not going crazy. You would think that a fucking ghost is talking.
Rudy, you know what I mean? It's not saying my name. Any name! That the dogs would go apesh can see they sense that shit I don't you've never seen the movies they sense it before anyone else I've told you this before my dog has stared at the goat because I've told you about the goat my house she'll stare she'll sit and stare right at the hallway and then she'll turn around look at me and then look right back at the hallway that's what my dogs do well they're I mean if they, it's fine.
Mine's an old woman that died in my house. Do you know what Bojo did to me? What? I'm fucking watching videos on my iPad.
Bojo walks onto my fucking table, right to the edge, and looks at me like this. Right? And I look at him like this.
Oh. And we do this for about a minute.
Then I go, I'm going to get some water. water i get up bojo's still staring where i used to be whoa right so i'm like oh he wasn't fucking looking at me right he just you just and then and then watch what he does he's looking at nothing now and he gets scared he goes at nothing i ran out of the house maybe you're dead oh wow what if you're what if you're dead oh man holy shit what do you mean do you want to do you want to tell him bob i was drunk, and you were in the passenger seat, and we crashed into McCone's car outside of Bad Friends.
And McCone and you are now gone. You guys have been dead.
It was funny, though, at the end. We were having a good laugh, and you- That's right.
So in the other world, Makona's funny because of that dog joke.

Yeah.

That's now it all makes sense.

He would only be funny and smart because-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because he's getting the energy from all the other spirits up here.

Yeah.

It's not his shit.

It's not original.

Wow.

Yeah.

He's a hack.

Yeah.

He's stealing humor from the other world.

That's interesting. I did decide, by the way, this past week that I'm going to be wrapped in a forever suit.
Where it's the forever suit. What do you mean, my friend? When you die, they basically wrap you in this forever suit that detoxifies your blood and the toxins inside of you so you can be put into the earth directly.
They wrap you. A mushroom suit.
Yeah. Pretty rad.
Oh, let me see it. And the good death.
Yeah, they wrap you in this stuff and you just grow into the earth. Eternal suit or something like that.
Yeah, I've seen that before, but wouldn't you grow without the suit? Like your dead bodies would still give the soil nutrients. No, because we have so much toxins inside of us that it's bad for the ground.
So this suit helps you kind of detoxify and organically decompose. Yeah.
So the plants around you can, that's not it, Carlos. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, yeah.
What the fuck are you doing? Fucking avatar shit. No, because I saw a documentary called Eight Ways to Die.
Eight New Ways to Die. Yeah.
Right? And that was one of them. Yeah.
Where there's a place where they wrap you in a thing. Yeah.
And then you find the plot of land where you want to go, right? And then they die and then a tree grows on top of you. I love, I think that's amazing.
I want that. That's what I want.
I don't. Why? Because I'd like to be rebirthed into the earth.
Yeah, do it. I'll chop down the tree.
You'll be fucking way dead by the time I die. You're not going to fucking outlive me.
Why do you say shit like that, man? Well, you'll be dead. Can I burn you when you're dead? Jesus Christ.
Can I be the one to do it? No, I don't want to be burned. I want to be in a suit.
Okay, can I wrap you then? You can wrap me. Yeah.
And then teach the Bobby? Well, he wants to be cremated. You can burn him.
What? I don't want any of that, man. In this fucking documentary I saw about death, there's a new way.
What? You get put into a rocket ship. And shoot you into space? Yeah.
Kind of tight. I'd rather be up there.
What are you wearing? Is there, you're right? Am I not right? No, this is real. Yeah, it's real.
No, I saw a documentary about it. You go into space.
But I think your ashes get squirted out into the fucking... Whoa.
You know what I want? Launch into space and return to Earth for three grand. Huh? Launch into Earth orbit for five grand.
Launch into lunar orbit or surface starting at 12 grand. And Voyager, launch into deep space for $12,900.
So you can be launched into fuck off space for $13,000. But I don't want to be ashes.
I want full body. Well, no shit.

No, I want to be out there just naked.

Yeah.

Maybe I'll be the first welcoming thing with the aliens.

Imagine my naked body.

You're an alien.

It's cremated remains her DNA.

No, I want my whole body.

Oh, no.

If that's what they look like down there,

we should avoid going there. You'd be like a red flag a human red flag no I'm cute dude you are cute let's fuck it and eat it no I mean no maybe there's more of that down there yeah but I think they should be able to shoot your body into space yeah why couldn't they shoot your whole fucking body fucking body up there? It's too much weight.
Yeah. That costs a lot of money.
No, but if you gave them like a $1 million. Oh, they would do it.
They would do it. Yeah, yeah.
What you could do is like pay a couple million to go to space and then just open the door and just go out and just die if you wanted to end it all. Oh.
And you're just floating forever. I think that's a terrible way to die.
Why? You would implode from the inside out. Well, here's what you do.
Take like a cyanide pill or something and then go on for a spacewalk. Yeah.
Then you have like minutes to die. Then you're dead and your body- You would die instantaneously out there.
No, no. And it would be the most painful death.
What are you talking about? You'd be wearing a suit. You'd be wearing a suit.
Oh, suit. You'd go for a spacewalk.
A spacewalk. Die in the suit and then you float forever what is it what oh no i was just gonna say we do have some valentine's let's do it for y'all valentine's day stuff yeah let's do it let's see it yeah mccullin's bringing it out right now what's this it's a scratch off scratchers what is this i don't like it what the fuck is this it's candy oh it's oh it's candy.
Yeah. That was real meat.
I go, what the fuck? You would eat that. These are from Christmas.
These are old. I want to win something on scratchers.
No. This is very nice.
Thank you for the Valentine's Day gift, you guys. Thank you.
We love y'all. Clearly, I didn't match anything ever.
Thank you. Look at this.
It says... This is the thing about Scratchers.
My whole family plays Scratchers. How is that? Don't chew it, Mike.
It tastes like chicken. What is that? Lunchables? Lunchables with the flavor is like the meat and stuff.
Oh, wow. You guys just got me regular old chocolate? Yeah.
No, I like it just fine. Do you need to have all the numbers or just one? What does it say? It says on it.
Would you win a dollar? I have 28, 28, 1 million. Shut the fuck up.
What are you talking about?

Yeah, how do you do this?

How do you play this game?

It just says if...

Just one, right?

Scratch off the entire play area, uncover nine symbols.

Show Tito, Andrew.

I'm tired.

You're going to match three of them.

Oh, three?

Yeah, yeah.

No, that's on his.

You have a different one.

When any of your numbers match any winning numbers, the prize under the matching reveal a money win all symbol, win all 20 prizes. When any of your one numbers match any winning numbers.
Where's the winning numbers? 436, 28, 15, 2. I have 28.
Did she win a million dollars? Is this real? Be real. Is it? Is it real? I mean- Let me's no way.
Let me see it. Let me see it.
It's not all the winning numbers. No, you got to match all the winning numbers.
It says any. Okay, so 28.
28. 28, 28.
I don't see 28 on here. There is.
No, there isn't. There's 29.

Under it.

Oh, I hit 28.

Give it to me.

First of all, let me say something.

Is it any?

We're figuring this out, but also you're in our house.

Also, you don't get all of it.

I know.

I'll share.

We're splitting it.

I'll share it.

No.

No, we're not splitting it.

You and I get it, and that's it. We're splitting it.
No! Yeah. You're in our house.
Honestly, this is weird because winning number 28. That's awful.
It should be 1 million. I mean, honestly, based on this, but based on this, she won 1 million dollars.
I swear to God. That's fucking crazy.
Is this real? Yeah, it's real.

I got him at 7-Eleven before this.

I'm not fucking kidding around, dude.

28.

28.

1 million.

You have to win three of them.

No, you don't.

Yeah, you do.

No.

Winning number.

Close.

When one of your numbers match any winning number, right?

So any of these winning numbers, one of these numbers.

Give it to me. 28.
1 million. Give it to me.
If you rip it up, give it to me 28 1 million give it to me if you rip it up i swear to fuck why would i do that don't rip it no insane that's crazy Fuck you

Is that real?

Yeah but you don't get to win it it's me so Andrew

fuck you

is that real

yeah but you don't

get to win it

no

fuck you

I'll share it

what are you doing dude

happy valentine's day

is it real

put it back together

are you sure

fake

yeah dude

where'd you get that

oh my god

where'd you get that out

Amazon

that's insane

that's insane that's insane dude because I swear to god dude I thought it was real I thought it was real too dude their faces when I ripped it up he literally and my body goes you know what I mean we'll do the Bad Friends movie I mean here comes Trinidad Island the way we want to make it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dude, so funny.

The way that her face looked when I ripped it.

It's so fucking incredible.

Wow.

I thought it was real.

Wow, that was pretty good.

Changed your life forever.

Yeah.

And then I got a fake one.

A real one.

That's a real one.

We have real one.

I got nothing.

Yeah, I never win.

Those things are bullshit.

Bullshit.

Anyway.

What do you got?

Thank you for the Valentine's Day game.

It was really nice.

Thank you.

It was very, very nice of you guys. Give me chocolate.
I don't like that. Yeah.
Let me throw one in your mouth. Say ah.
No, I want to pick the one. Open up.
Ow, that fucking hurt. Let me try again.
No! One more. Please.
Well, I can't give you... Your mouth is...
There you go. All right.
One more, one more, one more. I do you now.
One more. I do you.
This You're gonna fucking help it Don't throw it hard I'm gonna love it You chipped my teeth I'm gonna love it This is not a lie You did twice, right? Alright, no more Okay. Can I pick, though? Yeah, just have one.
Whatever you want. Take the whole thing.
I spit one out, because one tasted... Fuck.
It tasted bad. Have you guys seen Mr.
and Mrs. Smith? No.
No, because we saw the original movie. No, and I'll...
Yeah, but it's not the same, like, thing. I'll tell you why I don't want to watch it.
Why?

I know why.

Why? Hold on. Why?

I know why.

Why? I don't know why. Why don't I want to watch it?

You don't like Donald Glover.

Why? That's not true.

The shit he was talking about Dave?

I don't not like Donald Glover.

The shit he was talking about Dave.

You want me to clarify? I'll clarify.

I don't not like Donald Glover. I don't have any beef with donald glover but since i was on that show dave there's been like speculation and back and forth about somebody comparing us to his show because we were both on fx right and then a while ago it came up that I guess he, I don't know, in some way he was kind

of like offended that people compared us.

Yeah.

And so then Vanity Fair did this thing with Maya Erskine, who's phenomenal from Pen15

interviewing Donald.

And then here, look.

Do you think you're more talented than this person? He's on a lie detector. Yeah.
Yeah, you know, this is going to start beef, but I actually like him. I think he's a really nice guy.
I just, but I'm just conceited. Were you insulted when critics compared Dave to Atlanta? Yeah.
I don't remember any critics. I think it was just people.
But I definitely was insulted. Not because I think that Dave is bad.
Because I actually really think Dave is a good show. I just don't think they have a lot in common.
That's true. True.
Okay. So, first of all, fuck Vanity Fair.
What a fucking lame, weird setup. Elitists.
Yeah, but that's a bullshit, it's a bullshit question. Right, are they not elitists? So I don't, we don't play that game here.
I don't fucking, I mean, look, Dave is done. Our show is over anyway.
Kick a dead dog in when it's sleeping, you know? Kick a dead, kick a dead it's a jewish dog no less so they should you know what i mean given the circumstances of the world right now no but i just i don't have any hate for donald fucking glover i don't i just think it's a fucking no i sure you was saying anyway no i think it's a lame line of questioning are you more talented than this guy it's like what the fuck are you talking about that's so subjective anyway and then for him to be like we will get revenge

there's no revenge we will we will get revenge the game is no here vanity fair you hear listen here listen now the race isn't over the race is over when i'm dead and i will get revenge all right we will too we will and d dg watch, dude. Do you think you're more talented than this other person? I'm tired of elitism.
Aren't you tired of elitism? We see it in comedy. Do you think you could beat this guy in a foot race? Yeah, I hate it.
It's like, can we just fucking just do what we do and let's move on? I commented on this video. Do you think your dad could beat up my dad? That's what is do you think you're more talented do you have more of a skill set than this other human being yeah what the fuck are you you know that comic right now that's doing the little voice get the fuck out of here what's that the voice um out of tune guy what's it very funny yeah i see his clip i've heard comics go well they're cheating i cheating.
I go, why? Because he's crushing with the fucking thing.

Who cares?

It's different than you.

It's different what you're doing.

He came up with it.

He's great at it.

It's fun.

Who are you talking about?

Yeah,

he's great.

He just did.

He's doing a Brian Monarch show.

He's very funny.

I think I met him once.

Nice.

But I don't give a fuck,

dude.

Who are you talking about?

What?

Oh,

you're talking about,

I know who it is.

His name is Morgan J. Yeah, I like him.
Yeah. And some, I've heard a comic sound, I'll say the name, go like, what, isn't it cheating? No, it's brilliant.
Did you do it? Yeah, you didn't do it. So then shut the fuck up.
Dude, it's like, we're all going to die soon. Yeah.
Right? Yeah. God willing.
Right. Let's just get through this.
No. So I have no, I didn't see the show.
I have no fucking hate towards Donald.

I think I liked Atlanta a lot.

I think he makes a lot of great shit.

I don't understand the industry trying to pit them against each other.

Yeah.

It's a weird thing to even put an article out and then shame on Vanity Fair.

Suck a dick for fucking being like, who's more talent?

I mean, get bent.

It's fucking.

Get a better writer.

Write better questions.

Snooty bullshit. It's snooty bullshit.
I'm going to get my fucking revenge fucking... Get a better writer, write better questions.
Snooty bullshit, man.

I'm gonna get my fucking revenge.

Bobby's gonna get his revenge on you.

You'll see. Did you like the show? You liked it a lot?

I'm still watching it, but it's really good.

I'm sure it is. They're both fucking extremely talented.

Is it... Are they

assassins and they live together or whatever?

Yeah, but it's not more on...

It's not more on the spy stuff.

It's more like... Did you see the original with Brad Pitt

in it? Yeah, I see. So good.
You did?

Yeah. And you're saying that this

Thank you. yeah but it's not more on the spy stuff it's more like did you see the original with Brad Pitt and it was so good and you're saying that this version is better this is a TV show or is it hacky oh we've been there done that I love Poppy be honest because your generation you guys are shit when it comes to fucking film I was hanging out with the girl the other day and I go, would you watch movies? Yeah.
She'll say, I like that Mr. and Mrs.
Smith. I go, well, you never saw the original? No.
You haven't seen any Coen Brothers movie? Fargo. You know what I mean? No Country for Old Men.
Yeah. Raising Arizona, Blood Simple.
Get your shit together, man. There's shit out there.
Dude, De Palma, Scorsese, all those fucking legends. Do you ever see the French Connection? Never.
Then go fuck Mr. and Mrs.
Smith. You're not allowed to even express your opinion.
You're a movie elitist. No, I'm not a movie elitist.
Yeah, you are. You're saying you have to watch all these other good classic movies.
Yeah, yeah. That's what I am saying.
No. Thank you.
So basically, what you're saying is I've seen everything, right? And you're going, you should watch Mr. and Mrs.
Smith. Yeah, why can't you just enjoy a movie without like, oh, I've seen better movies.
I don't like it. Because I don't trust your opinion.
I also don't trust your opinion. I know exactly.
And the reason why you're upset right now is because you know I'm right. No.
And that's that. Not right.
That's that. Not right.
I refuse to watch it. Okay, fine.
Okay. I'm just saying I like it.
All right. I'm sorry.
What is this? Tokyo Cafe offers jobs for people with disabilities to remotely operate robots that serve customers. Okay, but Tokyo, what? So if you want to go to a robot cafe, the robots are being operated by kids with disabilities.
Yes, exactly. Wow.
It's a nice place for them. So the kids with disabilities are operating them remotely from their home? I think they're like in the back or something like that.
They hide them? Yeah, like they don't want them to be around. So they hide the kids with disabilities so you don't see...
Why don't they just have the kids with disabilities work at the restaurant? Or put the robot stuff on them. Or make them in robot suits.
Do you want more coffee? That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
You know, if they're acting natural, you're going oh, the mechanics is malfunctioninging. Right.
Employees of waste staff remotely operated by individuals with physical limitations or disabilities. So it could just be somebody without legs.
Or maybe, like, let's see that robot over there. Maybe they're, like, designed based on the person.
So maybe the person in the back has no legs and stuff. Right.
There you go. Yeah.
That's talk to the manager let me talk to the manager i'm the manager what's japan south korean eafc pro found guilty of faking a low iq to avoid mandatory military service now this is fucking brilliant. This is brilliant.
Say I'm dumb so you don't have to go to war. Yeah.
Fucking genius. That's genius.
How do you feel about that? You're in BTS. You're killing it.
Millions, millions. And then you got to do two years in the army.
I think they should have some exemptions. If you're BTS, you don't get a fucking- No, they they have to go they say there's some exceptions for like do they have to go sports yeah sports but not not the biggest pop group of all time so is Sun from Korea I don't know Tottenham did he ever do two years I think he did I don't know tens of thousands of young South Koreans are drafted each year to perform their duty but athletes and artists can get exemptions if they, so I guarantee you The BTS doesn't have to do it No, they're doing it They are doing it They're doing it because they want to Because it's going to help their image They obviously could get an exemption Oh, but if you don't do it You can get an exemption But they'll probably shame you 100% I think we should do this in America We should make you you serve.
Well, Elvis did. They made Muhammad.

Remember, Ali got his fucking championship fucking torn away from him because of that.

He wouldn't go.

Elvis served.

He did.

Yeah.

But Ali didn't.

And then he got fucking fucked for it.

Muhammad Ali.

Cassius Clay.

Thank you.

I didn't know who Muhammad.

I knew Cassius.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Anyway.

Toby Keith died.

You didn't know that? Toby Keith is dead? Yeah. The music artist.
Yeah. He'll put a boot in your ass.
Yep, 62. It's the American way.
Wait, he fucking... How did he die? Do you know this? Stomach cancer.
He just died, I think, today. Holy shit.
Really? I don't know who Toby Keith is. He was a famous country music artist.
He died? Oh my God. He was so young, he died of stomach cancer.
Oh no. I kind of don't care.
Dude. Jesus, what do you mean you don't care? An American icon, dude.
I don't like country singers. Who cares? They don't like you.
What? It's an insane thing. That's why I don't like him.
He's dead, dude. May you relapse and die.
That's insane. It's not that crazy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Based on what you said.
I have 30 days tomorrow. Oh, congratulations.
Congrats. You know, I've never been, like, noticed by when I go public.
And I guess the podcast is, like, getting really popular. Mm-hmm.
Wait, wait. What's tough to stop? You've been noticed before.
What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Barely. And then now, it's like every time I go out, someone, like, knows me.
And then at work. When? When did it start? December.
Like every time I go out someone like knows me and then at work when when did it start december like every time i go out someone knows me and then at work the chair of the cinema and television department knows me what'd she say he was like he he was like oh you're from that podcast and what'd you say i was like uh yeah and then he kept asking like oh how's the podcast been how are you how's Bobby and Andrew's like they're okay but then my manager found out about it and then she was like oh you're in a podcast I was like yeah and then she was like oh what's the name and I kept I said no you don't have to know it just say trash tuesday because i don't think she'll like it yeah don't don't let anybody know don't be no no no don't let anybody know be ashamed but it's my manager be ashamed like we've talked about sex anal anal everything here i don't think she'll like it well how do you know her what if I know her. She's like, I don't.
Well, you don't say anything now because you're listening now. Yeah.
Do you like her? I like her. Or is she a bitch? I like her.
I'm just scared of her. Yeah, yeah.
You do great work on the show. Nah.
No, they do. They love her.
You do good work on the show. Yeah, and let me say something.
No, you great. There's a new sheriff in town, though.
There's a new sheriff in town. Oh, the goop.
And it's called the goop. The goop is taking over.
Who's the goop? In fact, we should have you and the goop together. Yes, yeah.
I think you and the goop together will be good. Jetski? No.
No, there's a new sheriff in town. Sheriff in town.
The goop. And he's got water guns.
Obviously, you don't listen to the show, then. Yeah, clearly.
Yeah. Well, this week's episode.
the goop the goop is the best he's the best wait till you see this wait to see i'm in love with him the way that people love you we love the goop and i will say this all joking aside yeah i do love you jules i think you're it's wild to think how much we've like watched you grow and grown up you. And it's fucking crazy.
It really moves me sometimes to think, you're family to me. I love you.
And it's crazy. You used to hate him? Yeah.
Not hate. Scared.
Scared. I used to be scared.
And you. I used to be so scared of you.
When? And I wouldn't talk to you. When? All the time.
Still now? No, before. We're family now.
Yeah. You love me now.
Like when I first moved, I was scared of it. I know.
You were pretty scared of it when and i wouldn't talk to you when all the time still now no we're family now yeah you love me now like when i first moved i know you were pretty scared you never hated us she was scared because we're you're not scared anymore no yeah you feel great but you know what made me think how beautiful it is what what this family means to me and the fans truly when we go on on the road it's great is i think what a weird world and time we're living in we started this this show during the pandemic after your dad died. Yeah.
And this little fucking brownie came into the studio to stop you from going to get COVID. The whole goal was keep Bobby away from 7-Eleven, from Rite Aid.
Oh, she came as my chaperone. She was your chaperone, a child.
We were going to have her on. No, we didn't want to put her on.

And then once she showed up, how was she on? You asked her? Well, we

started talking to her because she was in the room.

Oh, right, right. Gave her a microphone.
Right.

And then to think

you were guarding Bobby

from getting COVID. Yeah.
Now

you've had it five times.

Five or six, yeah.

I might do my lower back. Oh my God, it's terrible

right now. Not only have you had it five or six times,

you've had it

Thank you. You've had it five times.
Five or six, yeah. I might do my lower back.

Oh my God, it's terrible right now. Not only have you had it five or six times,

you've had it so many times so frequently,

you don't even fucking give a shit anymore.

I don't care about it.

Yeah.

Lower back.

Wow.

How we've grown, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, guys, thanks for listening.