SNL v MadTV ft. David Spade

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Speaker 1 Hey!

Speaker 2 Sad friends, we are on tour. We're only doing a couple dates this year.
This is it. Atlantic City, New Jersey.
This weekend, we're in Atlantic City. Then we go to Salt Lake City, Temecula, Reno,

Speaker 2 Sacramento, Long Beach, Windsor, Ontario.

Speaker 2 Canada, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. Louis, Arizona.
Ended 420 in Louisville.

Speaker 2 Come on and see us. Go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets.
Badfriendspod.com. Also,

Speaker 2 I'm Bobby Mom. Look, we got Miyazaki, Miyazaki.
Miyazaki. And here's the deal with these shirts.
This is a competition. You asked for it.
We want to see who's going to sell more shirts.

Speaker 2 Me or the Bobo. Okay, you can buy these right now for only two weeks.
That's it. For two weeks at badfriendsmerch.com.
Badfriendsmerch.com. It's also going to be in the description, right?

Speaker 2 And you can buy these. Whoever sells more shirts is the winner.
You're going to win.

Speaker 2 And the loser has to do what? What does the loser have to do? The loser has to massage the other person in a real

Speaker 2 masseuse table with the little donut head. Butt naked.
Butt naked.

Speaker 2 Head donuts. Full body massage.
Oil the whole thing. That'll probably be available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash bad friends.

Speaker 2 If you want to see us get massaged naked, the loser has to be butt naked for a full body massage. I just want to let you know, it'll be funnier if Andrew has to massage me.
You know that.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's funnier.
It's funnier than that. No, it's not.
So by the measurement. No, it's not.

Speaker 2 And by the way, by the way, we're both going to lose because the masseuse has to be naked and so does the person getting massage. Really? Yeah, it's a body on body.
I'm going to do it. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Go to badfriendsmerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com to get these shirts for two more weeks. That's it.
You two are bad friends.

Speaker 3 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 A white dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. Who would you open for when you were young?

Speaker 3 I was just seeing on there, Bobcat.

Speaker 2 Bobcat, you opened for him? Quick or leave, yeah.

Speaker 3 Really? That Police Academy movie with him, and he brought me on. Oh, gross.
Is somebody here?

Speaker 2 God, we were having such a

Speaker 2 lovely conversation. Yeah.

Speaker 2 You always do reminders, no?

Speaker 2 You know, how many reminders? Check your phone.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ, man. Yeah, it's my fault.
Sorry. Whose fault is it? My fault.
It's your fault? Sorry, buddy. Why? I had no idea.
How could you not? We couldn't stop talking about this. You scheduled.

Speaker 2 I forgot. You scheduled this.
You scheduled this.

Speaker 2 I drove here from Ojai at 7. Ohio! No, Ohio.
It's insane. Insane.
Say hi to David.

Speaker 2 Thanks for coming. Such a big fan.
I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you.
I know you're icy, angry, David. Dare you.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you furious?

Speaker 3 He should be. No, 32 movies.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. 15.
I've never seen you like this. Listen, I listen.

Speaker 3 77 commercials.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I understand.

Speaker 2 Listen. Let him finish.
One book.

Speaker 3 And a holding deal.

Speaker 3 Bobby, what did I text you this morning? I go, wake up. Today is your Super Bowl.

Speaker 2 And you didn't answer.

Speaker 3 Who canceled on me Friday and said, is there any way you can do it Monday? Is there any way? And I go, Bobby, for you, I'll do it Monday. I'll move everything around 1.30.

Speaker 3 And you go, yeah, yeah, let me turn off my phone and all my.

Speaker 2 So now he's been here for 44 minutes. He's like, well,

Speaker 2 guess what, though? No, no, no. No, I got time for one more question.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Put your hair in a fucking scrunchie. We're doing this.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Shug that Red Bull right now. God, just I'm not even fully.
What's in your mouth? Are you dipping right now, too? Yeah, I'm not fully in the give him something to spit in. I'm not fully in this realm.

Speaker 3 And sometimes you don't have time to paint your nails.

Speaker 2 You just got to get down here.

Speaker 2 Such an asshole.

Speaker 2 I want to hear more about this for one. Okay, KJ.
One more second. Bobcat was the first guy to take you on the road.

Speaker 3 We're talking about some comedy.

Speaker 3 Maybe you should sit this one out.

Speaker 2 And then I did.

Speaker 3 Bobcat was on Police Academy with me and said I got that part as my first part. And then you stole stole the movie.

Speaker 2 And we did. Can you shut up? Can you honestly shut up?

Speaker 2 Fake compliments. I don't offer fake compliments.

Speaker 3 It's just bad.

Speaker 2 I mean, at least it let me somebody.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 3 I did that one, and then we were up there in Toronto. We went to Yuck Yucks and shit.
He would bring me around just because I was a comedian. So

Speaker 3 he would let me go that he goes,

Speaker 2 can this guy go on? And then that's Bob Cat.

Speaker 3 And then for those of you who don't know, your crowd is what, four to eight year olds?

Speaker 2 I think we'd tap out at six.

Speaker 3 Six Bobby's big gesticular gestures funny hair and they watch it with the sound off

Speaker 3 and uh anyway so i went to the yuck yucks and then they go if bob kid if you go on we'll put him on so that's how it works and then i came back we stayed friends i open for him now when you're when he's off stage was the voice regular now were you no he was no i think that was an act he was a nice guy though and then uh i watched him do well then he got this movie hot to trot about a talking horse i don't know if you remember that oh my god he had so much heat on him and it all went I was there for the whole ride.

Speaker 3 It was terrifying.

Speaker 2 And you watched him crash, and then you skyrocketed. What a weird thing.
Did he ever call you after you got super fast?

Speaker 3 No, we stayed friends

Speaker 3 for a while until I got a certain level.

Speaker 2 Bobby,

Speaker 3 I do like you looking at your phone and throwing it like crazy. Like, oh, you mean you reminded me on my phone? Why would you do it on the phone? That's where everyone does everything, Bobby.

Speaker 3 He's like, no, I was saying you should throw like a

Speaker 2 you don't send pigeons anymore to fucking wait for a record? Can I just say something real quick? Yeah, go ahead. Two things.
Number one,

Speaker 2 this is great. I'm sorry should have been the first thing out of your.
I'm sorry, is the number one day?

Speaker 2 I already said I'm sorry. No, you didn't.

Speaker 3 No, you didn't. You yelled at this poor guy.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 Obviously, I'm sorry. No, no, it's not.
Obviously. Oh, my God.
What kind of games are we playing now? Dude, this is like when my dad used to hit me.

Speaker 2 You know what, dude? When my dad used to hit me, and he'd be like, obviously, I didn't mean to hit you. So, can I just say something? Okay, or I made a mistake.
I'm sorry. I'm so dumb.
No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I'm so disingenuous.

Speaker 2 But can I tell you something? Please. All right.

Speaker 2 There's good news here

Speaker 2 on this road.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you why. I'll spin it.
Check it out, right? Now, from now on, though, guess what? I owe you for the rest of my life.

Speaker 3 That will give me literally nothing.

Speaker 2 I mean, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Talk about nothing.

Speaker 2 I know. But you don't know that.

Speaker 2 Have you ever had a Korean? Have you ever had a Korean owe you a flavor? A flavor? A favor. I just woke up.
Are you an ice cream cream dealer? Fuck them. Have you ever had a Korean owe you a favor?

Speaker 2 You haven't, have you, Dave?

Speaker 2 No. And our favors are tremendous.
Gold bars.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Free Nobu.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Pussy.

Speaker 2 First of all, gold bars and nobody. You like pussy? No.
Yeah, you know, okay.

Speaker 3 These two immigrants don't know what's going on.

Speaker 2 They're here getting three credits. All right.
So, also, secondly, I want to say.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 When you did the young comedian special.

Speaker 3 Oh, boy, a real question.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not giving a question.

Speaker 2 I'm giving you a compliment. Oh, thank you.
Okay, good.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 I said, thank you for that. By the way, you look like Wolverine, and I love it.
Do I look good today? Yeah, you look good. Yeah, I really could.
You look like Wolverine. I suddenly.

Speaker 2 If he was sick, but Wolverine, nonetheless.

Speaker 2 It's a little gray here. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 So here. Do you agree to that? No.
Okay.

Speaker 3 Is your hair gray at all?

Speaker 2 Just strands.

Speaker 3 Is it dyed? I don't care if it is.

Speaker 2 No, no, I swear to God, there isn't. The strands.
That's good. I do like your hair.

Speaker 3 Thank you so much. I wish you had a mullet again.
I like that look.

Speaker 2 I'll go back to it. Because Because that's the favor that you always do.

Speaker 2 That's the favor.

Speaker 2 No, that's it. The favors go on forever with him now.

Speaker 2 They never end. It's like a godstopper.
It never ends.

Speaker 2 Congratulations, David.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. You get favors for the rest of your life.
Congratulations. What? You win.

Speaker 2 Now, let me say something. I have a real question for Andrew.

Speaker 3 Oh, fuck. Is this podcast usable?

Speaker 3 Or will this be like a practice?

Speaker 2 This is like a, it's for Patreon. It'll be probably

Speaker 2 relax. Jesus.
I don't like crazy bots. It's going to be the biggest episode in planet Earth.
It's going to beat Smart Attic. I don't know what that's called.
It's going to be

Speaker 2 Smart Attic. What's it? Well, your friends, your three friends, it's going to be fucking...
Smartless? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Smart Addict. First of all, this is definitely not beating Smartless.
It will this episode.

Speaker 2 Tone it down.

Speaker 3 Someone else's episode. It might go crazy.

Speaker 2 This does well. I like it because I see it.
I'll come to it. It's pretty funny.
Well, we like your show.

Speaker 2 We just, we just, you know, the problem is you guys are respectful and business-like and on time and professional.

Speaker 3 I was telling when we get there 45 minutes early, this sounds crazy. Just hear me out.

Speaker 3 On the day of like a shoot of a podcast, this rag tag operation held in a fucking strip mall in the middle of nowhere.

Speaker 2 You're going to give him money? I go to you. He's going to give you money.

Speaker 3 I go to use the bathroom. I go, you have a bathroom here.
Oh, here's a key with a cinder block on it.

Speaker 2 There's a a shell down in Tahunga. I go, guys,

Speaker 3 where is the money going? I know we make money.

Speaker 2 It's right there. Pay him.

Speaker 3 Inflatable chair and all this other dog shit. Look at that money.

Speaker 2 Did you do a set last night or a couple?

Speaker 3 Hey, thanks for coming, man. Normally, I wouldn't accept it.

Speaker 2 Give me some lunch. But today,

Speaker 2 get some lunch. Get some lunch lunch.
Now, let me say something. I didn't even do a full set.
No.

Speaker 2 I'm not Brian Monarch. Yeah, I was about enough paywear.

Speaker 2 You can afford more than that.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, so can I just say, so you did this HBO Young Kim Music Smash? I was a kid, young, high school.
And

Speaker 2 you did a promo, though, for it. And I remember the promo, it was an interview, right? And you said something at the end, and I'd never heard this.
And then people have said it before.

Speaker 2 But you said something, you go, hold me.

Speaker 2 I don't know why he said that. Yeah.
Right. But I remember laughing super loud as a kid.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Weird things like that. Like when I was

Speaker 2 in my first one.

Speaker 3 When I was on my first Johnny Carson, I think in the middle, I go,

Speaker 3 ooh, I had a sweater on. I go, somebody went to the gap.
Anyway, so in the middle of my set.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 So people thought that was interesting because it was so weird to say on a regular set on my first set on TV. So I know what you're saying.
I'm not giving myself a compliment.

Speaker 3 I'm saying I like to throw in. I think I said hold me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was a segue or like it was a throwaway or something, but I remember going, it was so random. That was so funny.
That's an old. Wow.

Speaker 3 It wasn't in that. Look at that.
Look at you. I know.
Look at that belt.

Speaker 2 That tucked in. That's very, that's fun.

Speaker 2 This is the Seinfeldian era of tuck it in.

Speaker 3 This is way before the untucked story.

Speaker 2 God, look how cute he is.

Speaker 3 And I button it to the top for fucking God knows why. You don't have a stylist.
None of these old shows, you have anyone telling you anything.

Speaker 2 I forget who else is on this lineup with you.

Speaker 3 Rob Schneider. Yeah.
Drake Saylor, who's fucking great. He unalived himself since then.

Speaker 2 God, you're such a hip cat. Yeah.
You know this. I want to make sure you can use it.
I know. That's great.
And don't use words like cat because he's a little older. That's crazy.
Sorry.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Am I older than you? You could be anywhere and don't tell me, from 20 to 90.

Speaker 3 Honestly? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you?

Speaker 2 We're kind of close, like five-year difference, probably. Oh, we are? Yeah.

Speaker 3 You look good, though. Thanks, man.

Speaker 3 And it was Jan Carom, Warren,

Speaker 3 not Hutchinson, Warren Thomas, who passed away.

Speaker 2 Did not on a live.

Speaker 3 He did not.

Speaker 2 God did not. Sometimes God does.
Tough disease.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 2 anyway, that was very influential in my comedy. Thank you.
That moment of him saying. Yeah, because I remember going, I liked the act, you know what I mean? But I was like, I loved it.

Speaker 2 But I was like, that right there made me laugh so loud because it was so weird and random to me at that time that I was just like, oh, and also you were so young.

Speaker 2 You look like you're my age. I was just like, this is a kid doing, you know what I mean, like on HV.
This is insane. That's how I felt about Schwartzen.

Speaker 2 When I saw Nick, he was like we're not too far off in age and when he did his comedy central half hour and he was that young what was he was 17 or something was he really he was the young he had the youngest half hour oh these guys actually do something yeah they do okay

Speaker 2 he had the youngest half hour i think he was the youngest guy to get a half hour on comedy central 22 years old youngest comic star comedy central presents but i remember seeing it and being like that's me i'm that's a kid like us like it was it does do that thing

Speaker 3 because if you're 22 you're like that guy's doing better than me and i have to do more i got to do something

Speaker 2 I was still in college. I mean, I was, he, he was already,

Speaker 2 guys. Huh? It's not a race.
Oh, you're not running, that's for sure. Because you're losing.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 3 No, Bob,

Speaker 3 when we did that HBO thing, they go, you have 30 seconds. We're just going to film you.
You say whatever you want. It was so weird because we all were like, what are you going to say?

Speaker 3 They go, we're going to do you separately. You say anything you want for 30 seconds.
So everyone, you didn't know until you watched it. And I remember my manager goes, I saw the one you did.

Speaker 3 Do you want to redo that? You like that one?

Speaker 3 Well, I didn't know what to say. He goes, Well, yeah, obviously, but

Speaker 3 and here's what I said: just picture, you have 30 seconds, and your new comic. And here's what I decided to say: I go,

Speaker 3 I went to Kmart the other day and I got a flat tire.

Speaker 3 This is even a bit. I go, I got a flat tire.
So I went and I was hungry. So I went in the back, and there was a little dirty rotisserie with hot dogs in it.

Speaker 3 And I said to the lady working there, Are these all beef? And she goes,

Speaker 3 I don't think so.

Speaker 2 This is funny. And I go

Speaker 3 and I go,

Speaker 3 and that was it. And they go, so that's the one?

Speaker 2 I think it's funny. It is.

Speaker 3 Because it really happened. And I go,

Speaker 3 I should have done more that type of humor because it was a little off beat than just regular joke, joke, joke. But when I got on SNL and then, oh, a couple people remember? When I got on

Speaker 3 SNL, I couldn't figure out how to write a sketch or do a weekend update piece without just being do jokes from my act.

Speaker 3 And I think it was Conan O'Brien was there, and he goes, you have to do like a concept, like a whole,

Speaker 3 a whole feel of a bit, and then the idea will sell some of the stuff without being like punchlines. And it took so long.

Speaker 3 So the first one that actually worked like that, where I was a receptionist, and I was going, oh, and you are, and it was more like an attitude.

Speaker 3 And when I was getting laughs on stuff that wasn't like a punchline, then I really was like, another thing went off. Like, oh, you can do it like this.
Right.

Speaker 3 So I started learning, oh, that's how you write sketches that are just the idea of it, everyone's rolling with. So, do you remember that one where I'm like a

Speaker 3 sort of a condescending receptionist? A greeter, yeah, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I pretend I don't know who anyone is,

Speaker 3 and I go, It's a little crazy right now. And so, and then that worked, and then they put it up in the front.
Oh, look at that picture. Me looks good.
Look at the bottom. See where I have a coat on?

Speaker 2 Yeah, he wants the one of the newer one from Vanity. Oh, wow, you look great there.
That's a good one. It actually says, Sorry, David Bowie.
David Spade turned down a request from

Speaker 2 Tom York. That was radiohead a little bit.
A little bit.

Speaker 3 That was for this sketch where Bowie, I couldn't get it on, and then Bowie was on the musical guest with Tin Machine. And I said, oh, I'm going to write Bowie.

Speaker 2 I love

Speaker 2 the one album they did, Tin Machine. I love it.
I didn't. Let's move.
Okay. So,

Speaker 3 as I just push him away. Yeah, I love that.

Speaker 2 It feels good. So I'm in it.

Speaker 3 I feel so good. So then

Speaker 3 I say, oh, I put Bowie in at the end going, I'm David Bowie. And I'm like, I'm sorry.
And he's like, I was in, I've actually done it.

Speaker 3 It's just, I'm not much of of a music guy, you know, just talking down to him. So then they go, oh, David Bowie read the sketch.
He once talked to you about it. I go, about his three lines?

Speaker 2 I go, oh, sure.

Speaker 3 So they gave me his fake name. They said, call this hotel.

Speaker 2 Do you remember his fake name?

Speaker 3 I do not. God, I wish I remember.

Speaker 2 I want to know his A-list.

Speaker 3 That's cool. I had it written on a piece of paper because he called me and they said, call him back.
And then I called him. Oh, my God.
And they put me through. Imagine.
Can you imagine?

Speaker 2 I can't imagine.

Speaker 3 He's 26, 26.

Speaker 3 And I haven't gotten the sketch on him. Imagine.
He goes, David, I'm reading this reception. And I had met him at the young comedian special.
Oh, see, look, no, no, no buddies.

Speaker 3 So I'd met him before, but not this, this was after. So I say,

Speaker 3 oh, yeah. I said, oh, he goes, this is so funny.
I run into these people all the time.

Speaker 3 Any way I can play your part?

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, well. Did you read it, Dave?

Speaker 3 He goes, that's way funnier. And it was my lesson in like, quit just plugging people in to make you look good.

Speaker 3 You know, you do a sketch and the host comes. The host has to do something because when they go in the meeting, they go, I like that one, it's really funny, but what do I do?

Speaker 3 And they're like, Yeah, get rid of it. And you go, The sketch killed.
And then you figure out later, make sure Alec Baldwin does something. Yeah, what does he have to play?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because he wants to score, or whoever the host is. So I go, Well, I, it was kind of one of those sketches where, like, Wayne's were like, I want to do it more than once.

Speaker 3 And he's like, I'd love to do it. And they were like, If David Bowie plays, we'll put it it on for sure.
Yeah. And I said, no.

Speaker 3 Because I go, I want to try. Meanwhile, it had the stink of it.
It didn't get on.

Speaker 3 And then, so when you put it in read through again, it's tougher because they don't get on. And then they go.

Speaker 3 And then they go, and then it just fades away. So I still didn't do it.

Speaker 2 And then everyone's like, I probably would have let him draw.

Speaker 3 I'm going, I know, but it's so good. And anyway, I got it on about four months later.
Wow. And he was weird about it.

Speaker 2 That's what I was saying. Who did you get it on with?

Speaker 3 I think I got it with Roseanne. Oh, that's.
No, MC Hammer was the first one. And it was the last sketch in the whole show.
And then the next one was Roseanne, and it was the first sketch.

Speaker 3 And that was the best one it ever worked. Wow.
Then I did it one more time, and then it, but the Roseanne one was the best one.

Speaker 2 Did you ever have one that you did, you know, like Lauren removes it, but then plugs it back in last minute, you know, like right after, right before dress or whatever?

Speaker 3 They don't do that because they have to build the whole set. So if it doesn't get on read-through, you're fucked.
But they might take a weekend update and say, hey, did you want to do that?

Speaker 3 We have a light weekend update

Speaker 2 and throw you in.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Do you have anything? But Sandler would sometimes write a song after read-through.

Speaker 3 You know, if anything happens during the week and you can write, you could throw something in, you know, and then if it's very topical, that's the beauty of it.

Speaker 2 Now,

Speaker 2 when you had your regiment of SNL, you'd have to be to places on time, right? And like, you'd be.

Speaker 3 I'm looking at Bobby already drifting off. He's like, I'm not drifting off.
Is there one of these where you like had fun?

Speaker 2 No, I've had enough.

Speaker 2 First of all, number one, I've had enough of it. I don't give a fuck.
I know you're, don't, please. That's fine.
You do what you do. Go down your path.
I'm already down it. I'm running fast.

Speaker 2 I'm not trying to be controversial. You guys talk.
I'll dip.

Speaker 2 I'm slowly waking up. I realize what's going on.
Just be on the show. I'm on the show.
I'm listening to everything you're saying. What are you talking about, pal? He told me a lot.
I love you, dude.

Speaker 2 I made a mistake. I'm sorry.
No, we are buddies. We're buddies.
It's not like he's somebody that, like, I've gotten to do many dinners with him. We've gone out many times.

Speaker 2 I know for years. You know what I mean? And as a friend, I'm allowed to make a mistake.
I made a mistake. But I don't like being fucking persecuted.
Persecuted? Persecuted. Persecuto.

Speaker 2 I don't like being in a corner. I don't like.

Speaker 2 These are years of years.

Speaker 3 Is this us being friends?

Speaker 2 Yeah, years. That's a son in Hawaii.
Is that me? That's you, dude, with Chris Wintanki. Watowski.
Yeah, yeah. And

Speaker 2 that's from the wrong missy. Yeah, yeah, it was from the wrong missy.

Speaker 3 We're tour de force

Speaker 2 for Bobby. Do you remember that day?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 That day. Let's talk about it.
It was the worst day of my life.

Speaker 3 You know, Bobby.

Speaker 3 yeah that was the worst day of my life but it turned out to be the best so um that movie was such a fucking monster i love it great great but i looked like shit the whole movie and that killed me wait why what do you mean because i had to shave i actually voluntarily shaved i was in portland and they i should have like darker hair and fucking shave and not look like myself and i look so bad then they gave me a clip and wig of darker hair They didn't just want to dye your hair?

Speaker 3 It was a bigger pain in the ass.

Speaker 2 Why didn't you just want to dye your own hair?

Speaker 3 I did. And then I added more.

Speaker 3 I I go, I don't need this. Anyway, once we were locked into it, anyway, we did the whole movie.
Lauren was great.

Speaker 3 That's Sarah Shock. And that's, look at Bobby Fresh face, Bobby.

Speaker 2 God, look at how young you look right there for some reason. That was like two years ago, but you looked so young.
Me? That was five years ago. Really? No.

Speaker 2 Is that that old? When did you turn it up? Before COVID.

Speaker 3 Dead inside. Oh, COVID.

Speaker 2 That was before COVID, right?

Speaker 3 Yeah, it aired during COVID. Yeah, so we did it right before.

Speaker 2 Wow. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I look like shit now. No.
That's what you just said. I looked young and fucking springy back then.

Speaker 2 Why do you look like you got up on time back then?

Speaker 2 Like you were humming along scheduled. Oh, do you remember that? I sent that in.
That was funny. Yeah, that was fun.

Speaker 3 I was just talking to Heather. Like, I was like, Bobby didn't do lights out that much, but how many times did you do it?

Speaker 2 Theo didn't do it at all. Once or twice, but I did send a couple of videos.

Speaker 2 Yeah, a couple of videos.

Speaker 3 I did. That was funny.
Three times?

Speaker 2 I think I did three times. Two or three times.

Speaker 2 And I was very funny. We were talking about what happened at the wrong message.
What happened?

Speaker 3 Do you think it did that or no?

Speaker 2 You had

Speaker 2 well,

Speaker 2 so I had one line. Yeah.

Speaker 3 No, you had we were okay. You were greeting us.
Another problem with that scene was not your fault, but we walk in and Sandler's kids play the kids there.

Speaker 3 And they walk in and then they're talking loud. And Lauren goes, Hey, kids, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 3 She screams at them. So it's hard to follow that bit because it was really funny.
And then we get to the front desk and you go, Good evening,

Speaker 3 Mr. and Mrs.
Tim.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But mine wasn't a bit, it was just a line, right? It was a joke there.

Speaker 3 You were written in because you're Bobby Lee and everyone loves you. It's like what people say, you're just funny.
Yeah, yeah. But we didn't give you a great funny part.

Speaker 2 Yeah. So I said the line, which is fine.
Do the line right now. I don't remember it, but I remember this.
I did the line, and I remember, stop.

Speaker 2 And then it was horrible.

Speaker 2 Sandler walking up, and he's like, I don't know what you're doing, man.

Speaker 3 God damn. I go, I go, what do you mean?

Speaker 2 He's like, yeah, I just don't know. I mean, it's like, you know, it's hit real.
It's a good Sailor impression, too. And I go, that's what he sounds like, okay?

Speaker 2 When he's not fucking performing.

Speaker 2 But thank you so much. I don't like what the fuck you're doing right now.
So anyway, I do it again. And then,

Speaker 2 you know, there's another problem. It's like, you're not clear about this, this, and that.
And it just kept going. And as it went, I just started sweating.

Speaker 2 And I remember David looking at me going, I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 I was trying not to laugh because I go, if he fucking fucks this up again, we were laughing.

Speaker 2 I didn't fuck it up. I don't think did I fuck it up?

Speaker 3 They just go, you go,

Speaker 3 good evening, mister.

Speaker 2 I'm like, is he trying to sound like a real person? It's making me sick.

Speaker 3 Because I'm so used to being a goofball, you being a goofball. Yeah.
And you were being so straight, I couldn't take it.

Speaker 2 But it's weird to put him in such a straight.

Speaker 3 It was sort of.

Speaker 2 I tried to be real about it, but he was like, that's, what are you doing?

Speaker 3 I go, no, you're great. And it was just an odd situation.
Then we got the giggles because it was taking forever. And Adam was there.

Speaker 2 One line took forever.

Speaker 3 He's not there all the time. And he's drinking coffee in the back.

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Speaker 2 So then

Speaker 2 I left left that set like in a fury. Mr.
and Mrs. Morris.

Speaker 2 Say good evening, Mr. and Mrs.
Morris. Let's see you do it right now.
Action.

Speaker 2 Good evening, Mr. and Mrs.
Morris. That's perfect.
That's what I did.

Speaker 2 That's what I fucking did, dude. All right? Sandler didn't think so.

Speaker 2 I know. I know.
So I get in the van. I'm depressed.
I go to fucking the hotel. Eat.

Speaker 2 And what happens? I go upstairs. I'm at the bar.
Eat, eat, eat. And there's a guy next to me at the hotel.
Now, that's that. This is that day.

Speaker 2 He's an Asian dude. It was Gene.
Oh, Gene Hong, that's right. Right.
And he looks at me and he goes, hey, you, Bobby Lee, right? I go, yeah.

Speaker 2 He goes, I produced Magnum PI, and he goes, I'm going to write you in.

Speaker 3 That led to a bunch of episodes.

Speaker 2 Fucking four years of work. Oh, see.
And you know what? So if Sandler wasn't mean to you that day, you wouldn't have gone on that little eating bench. You little sad boy, Benji New York.
Hey, Metjean.

Speaker 2 If I hadn't gone in general, because I remember it was one line, and Dave was like, just do a favor. I go, it's one line, but I did it for, you know, I do it because of David, right?

Speaker 2 It was good to have you there. It was great.
Anyway, it did so much for me. Thank you so much for having me on there.
I apologize for being late. Let's not.

Speaker 3 Did you go to Nobu that night?

Speaker 3 Because we went to eat while you were in town.

Speaker 2 Oh, no, you and I went to that restaurant. We went to the strip steak.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, that was strip steak.

Speaker 2 Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But after that, no, that night we didn't go eat.
What hotel was that at?

Speaker 3 I was embarrassed to be with him. I go, what if

Speaker 2 Sandler gives notes on how he's eating?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're eating it like a fucking robot. Yeah.
Just eat it.

Speaker 3 No, it's tough. I,

Speaker 2 the four seasons was that, it was that beautiful.

Speaker 3 Do you like girls with tattoos?

Speaker 2 It depends, not on the facial structure of the face, but like on the neck. Who has that? No, there's some

Speaker 2 bone. I don't like the bones.
Like, you know, there's this new service you can flirt with girls that are locked up right now doing time. And there's some face tat chicks that are just stunning.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, go to this. I see them online all the time.
On TikTok, they show these girls that are still in prison.

Speaker 2 There's a dating app for girls. They're going to get out soon.
Right.

Speaker 3 And I would only date. I would go.
They'd have to be be out within under a year.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think it's like six to eight months. I'm sure.
It depends on the crime. Well, here you go.
Meetaninmate.com. No, the crime doesn't really matter.
They're absolving their sins. And

Speaker 2 that's where it's from.

Speaker 2 Oh, there's a whole, it's like a, oh my God, look at all of them. All right, some featured ladies.

Speaker 3 Twitter I follow where it's just mug shots.

Speaker 2 Mugshots of beautiful women who got arrested. Are there body shots or just the face? She just

Speaker 2 do here from up.

Speaker 3 Column on the uh

Speaker 2 okay, here we go. What do you see? Okay, Samantha Bullchild,

Speaker 2 tough name.

Speaker 3 Is she your type?

Speaker 2 She's out in Cowchilla, California. Cowchilla is a name of a place we have here.
Yeah,

Speaker 3 my name's Sammy. Chow Chilla.

Speaker 2 Oh, Chow Chilla. That's even worse.
It's Chow Chilla, yeah. I enjoy meeting new people.
I'm interested in your culture

Speaker 3 and killing you.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because they're right there. You get to know people.
Yeah. Kill you.
Date of birth, 8387. So, you know, they tell you stats go down.
Height, 5'9.

Speaker 2 Weight, don't worry about it. Yeah.
So she said, No,

Speaker 2 I love TikTok, free joles, and killing

Speaker 3 like slow torture.

Speaker 2 Yeah, give me another one because I'm not really into the Mexican thing right now. Why not? You're over it? Yeah, I'm over it.
Wow. That phase is done.

Speaker 2 That is sculpture. He does go through big phases.
This is white right here. Yeah, this is white.
You like going to white.

Speaker 2 No, what does she do, this girl? Did they say what they did? Let's see if they say what they did. What did she do, this girl? Okay, so hold on, hold on, hold on.
What does it say?

Speaker 2 Their maximum release date would be 2028.

Speaker 2 Too long. What did you do?

Speaker 3 What did you do later? Sorry. That's a red flag.

Speaker 2 When you're in for more than three years. Yeah, that means the crime was pretty bad.

Speaker 3 She's a masseuse.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know what? She can hit the ground running when she gets out.

Speaker 2 Back to work. Right back to work.
Go to the fourth season.

Speaker 2 I do want to know what they did. Yeah, I need what they did.
That's what this site needs, what they did.

Speaker 3 Do you like girls that have tattoos with sayings on them?

Speaker 2 You don't have tattoos, do you, Dave?

Speaker 3 I do have two, but they're just stupid.

Speaker 2 What are they? You started it though.

Speaker 2 What is it? What is it?

Speaker 3 Well, this one, this one I got on Sarnite Live is a joke.

Speaker 3 You could even pull that up. Sean Penn gave me a tattoo.
There you go. It was just a joke.
And then he gave me another one about five years ago because I wanted to.

Speaker 2 Life's a garden digger.

Speaker 3 No, that's not it.

Speaker 2 I know. Other people.
That's very funny. So you have a Calvin and Hobbes?

Speaker 3 Yeah, because he couldn't do the one we picked. And so we just had to pick one out of the cartoon.

Speaker 2 I hate it when people go, Matt, you know, you're on that TV. it's like snl i go

Speaker 2 who says that no one's ever said that people have said that mexicans have said that no but

Speaker 2 i i remember i go well that is that is that's snl4 mexican i know but our biggest star was like nicole ritchie she was on mad tv like

Speaker 2 and we would get people like before there was like one time we got ryan reynolds but we didn't know who he was think how crazy that is in living color had bigger stars i know we would get but then we would get like marilyn mans and green day played we had the strokes play that's cool so we had cool band, younger bands, but it's like I would look at their show and I go, I mean, it was a completely different program.

Speaker 2 It was a completely different level.

Speaker 3 But everyone knows Mad TV, so that's kind of good. It was very well known.

Speaker 2 I've heard of it at least.

Speaker 3 I don't know if it was like churning out superstars, but Artie Lang was on. Were you on the movie?

Speaker 2 I like Artie Lang. I like that movie.
Wait, what's wrong with that? I don't know.

Speaker 2 I mean, the class of guys I was in on, I mean, they've gone on to work from Mad TV, you?

Speaker 2 kee and peel oh key and peele is great yeah but they weren't on as long as you were right but they were for five years you did seven i did that eight who's who who cares

Speaker 2 matt bronger there's mattress matt bronger was on it yeah yeah um we had arden mirren arden who's in the middle who's that girl in the middle rockwell on the right nicole parker oh nicole that's nicole ari parker bobby are you 11 is that you yeah i'm in the bottom that was my eighth year That was the last year.

Speaker 2 Eighth year? That was the last year. Yeah, yeah.
Who's the person at the top? Eric price

Speaker 2 like keegan did it still one last year

Speaker 2 johnny sanchez i know i see johnny yeah

Speaker 2 he looks so young there so young

Speaker 2 let's move on that is a good class bring up spade's class

Speaker 2 look at your

Speaker 3 do you ever play asian characters on the

Speaker 2 Look at this cat. Look at Spade.
You were on with nobodies.

Speaker 2 David Spade was on SNL with fucking literal nobodies.

Speaker 2 Who are any of these people? I recognize none none of these fucking humans.

Speaker 2 Dude, holy shit. I mean, this is honestly.
Al Franken. This is like when the Farley.
Oh my God.

Speaker 2 This is like when the fucking, when we were doing the men's basketball Olympic team, this was the dream team.

Speaker 2 Then they'd have to play like fucking Sweden or some shit. The women's side of it.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 That was a good year. This is dream team shit.
Where's Mike Myers?

Speaker 2 Mike's probably taking the picture, right? He was there. You guys were there.
Mike, can you take this?

Speaker 3 He's like, well, I wanted to.

Speaker 2 That isn't, that's, I mean, dude, what a fucking, you were in the gut of

Speaker 2 some of the. You did it.
It's unbelievable. It's incredible.

Speaker 3 Today is actually a sad anniversary of Chris.

Speaker 2 Today?

Speaker 2 Wait, is it really today?

Speaker 3 Get the fuck out of here. Someone on Twitter told me.
I think. No way.
I knew it was close to Christmas.

Speaker 2 You know why I thought, you know what's so weird about this? This is one of those things, December 18th. Holy fucking shit.
Is that today? Oh my my God, that is today.

Speaker 2 You were on set when I was. And you were fucking late today.

Speaker 3 The disrespect is on Farley's.

Speaker 2 I slipped in for him. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 This actually makes a lot of sense. That's nice.
Yeah. Oh my God.
You know why?

Speaker 2 This morning when I got up and I was getting coffee and I was scrolling, I did see someone posted a new photo. of Chris with a crown hat on with a cigarette in his mouth.
Have you seen that go around?

Speaker 2 Man, it's such a fucking cool photo. And it made me go, oh, that's, I just thought it was just like, you know, someone posting that photo.
Look at this fucking photo.

Speaker 2 Look at how awesome that photo is.

Speaker 3 He took it. He was, he was actually a good looking dude.
He took some cool fucking pictures.

Speaker 2 I mean, that is fucking powerful. I don't know.
He just had,

Speaker 2 you know, I don't know.

Speaker 2 When you found out, you told me you were on set, right? I remember that you told me that. You were at the sitcom.

Speaker 3 What's up? I opened up to you one day. Yeah, you did.
I was on Just Shoot Me. Just Shoot Me.
Yeah. A couple people remember? Thank you.

Speaker 2 Come in back. You want Just Shoot Me and What's that? Your vape pen? Yeah, he's a vape kit.

Speaker 3 His drug dealer runs runs it in.

Speaker 2 He's like this. You did see the Minnesota junkie there.
He's our little house slut.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah. You don't have to tell me which one's which.

Speaker 3 I saw that dude dragging the cinder block.

Speaker 2 But I do have to say he's not stealing. I want to say another good thing about you, and I'm just going to just, I just want to say, because I just now I'm fully awoke.
Oh, thank you. I'm wake.

Speaker 2 I just woke up. God bless.
Thank you. And I'm fully here.
So I want to say this. Okay, here we go.
48 minutes in.

Speaker 2 Yeah, the show's over. Yeah, yeah, I know.
I just want to say this.

Speaker 2 Honestly, David,

Speaker 2 and this is, I'm being completely,

Speaker 2 look at me.

Speaker 2 I'm so ashamed that I woke up late. I fucking forgot.
I'm so sorry, and it'll never happen again. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 I owe you favors forever for the rest of your life. Not number two.
But I do have to say,

Speaker 2 even before I even knew you, you were just one of the nicest guys

Speaker 2 in the scene because it's like, I remember you would like randomly take photos with me and stuff. And I didn't know you that well, you know, but you were always like available and really cool and um

Speaker 3 these

Speaker 3 compliments are sort of mid-level

Speaker 2 no like you always had nice shoes no no no no you're also you're very I kind of can identify you're also stylish okay now we're getting I remember one time I was wearing a Montclair jacket and you put your finger around you go someone's doing well

Speaker 2 with your finger around the monclair logo right I see that's the thing I was hitting on you

Speaker 3 I remember little moments with Austin.

Speaker 2 And that goes a long way.

Speaker 3 You guys pull up Montclair.

Speaker 2 Nothing to do.

Speaker 2 And I just feel.

Speaker 3 Pulled up the word moments.

Speaker 2 I like it.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Monclair is no fucking bullshit, by the way.

Speaker 2 No bullshit. It's going to be fine.

Speaker 3 Bobby, is it true? And I have a question for you.

Speaker 2 Monclaire.

Speaker 3 It's called Turning the Tables. I do an interview show myself.

Speaker 2 Is this getting lower?

Speaker 3 Like my dick?

Speaker 2 This is going to... As it goes, it just...

Speaker 3 You know, I took a Devari class. You don't have to come on.
Fix it.

Speaker 2 Go fix it, Matt. Oh, my.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Come on, Jim Varney. Fix it.

Speaker 2 My God. Dude, you're fire, dude.
That was so dumb. What you just did?

Speaker 2 He broke the fuck. He's going to break that.
The TV's broke.

Speaker 2 I got it, guy. He's like,

Speaker 2 sorry, David Spade. Sorry, David Spade.
That a boy.

Speaker 3 He's like... I saw a Dusty Slay video.

Speaker 3 Anyway, so I...

Speaker 3 What was I even telling you?

Speaker 2 You were about to give him a compliment. He wanted to give you a compliment.
No, no, it wasn't that. I was just telling you another story.
Why did I just say?

Speaker 3 I just started something. No one fucking remembers.
It was literally 18 seconds ago.

Speaker 2 You did, because he kept complimenting you.

Speaker 2 I go this and that. And then.
And you said, I'm going to compliment you. No,

Speaker 2 I want to turn the tables on you because I'm going to show you. I do all.

Speaker 2 Thank you. I do an interview.
This fucking guy. He finally pipes up.
Update that visa.

Speaker 3 Give him another six months.

Speaker 2 Oh, he knocked up a chick here and I lost it. He's smart.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 3 Are you going to remember? Are you fucking high?

Speaker 3 I got to put up a haze.

Speaker 3 I can't handle it, man.

Speaker 3 I can't handle it. I'm a millionaire.

Speaker 2 I can't handle it.

Speaker 3 Everything's gone right in my life. I can't hear you.

Speaker 2 All right. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Anyway, so is it true you don't know how much money you have? Because I thought this is very interesting. I don't.
Because I have.

Speaker 3 An accountant and I go in once a month and I go over it. And I thought, Bobby, I could probably guess, not how much money you have, but you do very well.

Speaker 3 But I think that would make me more anxious to not know.

Speaker 3 Because obviously you can afford whatever you want. You're not going crazy.

Speaker 2 It makes me more anxious to know. I know how much he has because I have better communication with his accountant.
Do you really? Do you guys have the same guy? No, because I went in.

Speaker 2 I went in because my therapist goes, you got to go in because you want to know what's, you know, you've got to be responsible and know what's going on in your life. So he's not stealing from you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I went in there and when he told me what I had, I got really upset.

Speaker 2 Right. Because I thought I had more than that.

Speaker 3 That's the problem. When I go in, it's always less than.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I'm like, I'm never going to know again. I don't ever want to know.
I want to think that I'm rich. His business manager also is no less than 94 years old and lives at the best advisor.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Are you touring anyway?

Speaker 3 I'm on tour right now. DavidSpade.com.
I don't like to talk. Let's bring up some dates.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's put it up dates.

Speaker 3 Announcing it. Yeah, this is why I think I'm here.
I want to push.

Speaker 2 Are you going to record a new hour?

Speaker 3 That's such a fucking big decision.

Speaker 2 Okay, so you're playing The Riv in Chicago, my hometown. Love.

Speaker 3 That's my first one in January.

Speaker 2 Dude, I love The Riv. That's such a

Speaker 2 good thing. I'm going to play that before August.
Crazy. So when this is out, you'll be in Spokane, Washington.

Speaker 3 I'm moving the Moore Theater. So I'm going to be in Spokane.
I have Santa Rosa, Henry.

Speaker 2 Seattle. We played Balboa.

Speaker 3 Love. It was tough this year because I did not as many as like Nate or Theo, but I did a lot for me.
Yeah. Because I'm fucking did it too late.
You know, I should have been doing this.

Speaker 3 I'm 30, 40, but I just always, I feel like I was always in a show or movie and I couldn't. No one was doing theaters.

Speaker 2 I mean, no, everyone, five years ago?

Speaker 3 It was all like, this guy did a week at the improv, sold it out so you can make some money. If you go down to Irvine, it's a bigger improv.
I would do those, but man, to go to a theater tour is tough.

Speaker 3 It's the first year.

Speaker 2 Well, so now you're going to Austin in March. Are you going to do Joe's Club or no?

Speaker 3 No, I used to the Paramount. I might go over there and do Pop-Up.
No, what's that thing called? Kill Tony?

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah. Kill Tony.

Speaker 3 I don't really know them, but I think I might go see if I can try to do that. Yeah, you should.
And then just do something different. And

Speaker 3 I'll see Adam Egan. Maybe I'll go there and watch, see him, yeah.
And yeah, I don't know. This is, it's all fun.
Then I do the Venetian with Nikki Glazer. We do that.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're doing Netflix as a Joke Festival, too?

Speaker 3 We should do that. You could probably do the Venetian both.

Speaker 2 We're playing the Cosmo 4, 5.

Speaker 2 Wait, what? Oh, I'm sorry. What is it? 420.
We're playing the Cosmo. Is that small? It should still be open.

Speaker 2 It's closing down right now. It is?

Speaker 2 We're there going on a business show. Yeah.
Are you being real? And they're giving away the tickets. Yeah.
If you jump in the Bellagio Fountain, you get a free ticket to our show.

Speaker 3 That was good to bring your merch.

Speaker 2 Are you being real, though? No, man.

Speaker 2 Cosmo is good. Don't worry about it.

Speaker 3 Are you guys known to close down theaters?

Speaker 2 We're fine. We'll be fine.
If you guys do good, I did.

Speaker 3 No, we do very and you guys had just done it.

Speaker 2 We do a bunch of shows. We do like.

Speaker 2 What could your show be?

Speaker 3 You do it with this one and then the other unnamed podcast that we don't talk about here.

Speaker 3 Do you hate it, Andrew?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. I think it's a total waste of his time, but I think it's fine that he does it.

Speaker 2 Finally, a real answer.

Speaker 2 It's a remarkable, it's a remarkable

Speaker 2 soft white underbelly is what it's called. Yeah, yeah.
Can I tell you what happened to you? Which, by the way, it's great.

Speaker 2 If you've never seen soft white underbelly, can I tell you what happened to you?

Speaker 2 Are you sure you don't want to save it for the other one? No,

Speaker 2 Shopify.

Speaker 2 When we started podcasting, man, an online store was the first thing from our minds. Well, because we didn't know if we were going to sell,

Speaker 2 we didn't know. We didn't know.
But now that we do, we do Shopify, dude. Well, here's the deal.
You got to use Shopify. It's so easy.
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Speaker 2 Now, to grow your business, no matter what stage you're in, Shopify.com slash Bad Friends. Can I just tell you what happened? Why we had to move the thing just real quick?

Speaker 2 Yeah, please. What's that?

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 3 I was going to go to lunch when this was over.

Speaker 3 First fucking hour I was here.

Speaker 2 it is insane to eat a banana but you had to do it quickly because nobody wants to see you eat well i did because i knew he was blabbing away there's no

Speaker 3 turn the camera off me for a while

Speaker 3 i'm just trying to stay alive

Speaker 2 my survivor here fucking working in this dead mall remember that one time i drove you to sarah silverman's house that was cool did you yeah remember she had a party i wasn't invited to you did i wasn't invited to so i just dropped you off and i'm like bye and i left i don't think i get a plus one

Speaker 2 yeah yeah like i've done things man you drove him to

Speaker 2 yeah i've been to that rooftop party that oh that guy everyone goes you've never been next year you should go i don't think she likes me yeah she said that yeah i don't know it is fun though everybody likes you buddy i know but i i wanted to go out but i just felt like the vibe wasn't like like can i i can't go i can i go i went to a holiday party last night who was there you know i knew of

Speaker 3 For those of you at home, last night was a Sunday. And last night I knew of two Christmas parties on a Sunday.
It's so weird. Don't you think that's weird?

Speaker 2 See, I found it weird too.

Speaker 2 Pete Holmes lives up, up, up and away from here. And we made the long drive.
It was nice.

Speaker 2 And it's one of those moments where I realized

Speaker 2 it's a Sunday.

Speaker 2 It's too far. It's a far Sunday.
Is that the OHI party? Yeah. Fuck off.
Yeah, but it was, no, it was actually wonderful. It was great to go see.

Speaker 2 I wanted to go see them up there, and I never go up there, so I wanted to go see. How far is Ojai from here? An hour and 25.
Oh, did you spend the night last night? Yeah. Oh wow.
I didn't know. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 2 Is there a hotel up there or do you stay his house? Ohio Valley Inn is right there. There's a hotel right there.
It's nice.

Speaker 3 Bobby, do you think you'll get married? This is what everyone asked me and I hate it.

Speaker 2 I don't think so. I think you think you're too damaged.

Speaker 3 You were sort of married to Kalila, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I look at

Speaker 3 finish it for me. Kalila, yeah.
And then how long did that go?

Speaker 2 Oh, they're still doing the podcast together. You love that, huh?

Speaker 2 It's an interesting move. I don't know what the fuck you're doing.
I have no idea what you're fucking doing, and I don't like it.

Speaker 2 I don't like what you're doing. I don't like it.

Speaker 2 I think this thing, what you're doing right now, I made a mistake. It's been like this whole, right? Beyond it.
You're really dying. Back me up here.
It's good, though.

Speaker 2 This whole time, no, this is back me up for a second, all right? This whole time. Back me up, asking for you to be on his side before making the valid argument.
Go ahead. They are.

Speaker 3 Also, yelling at them, and they've been hitting you up for the last three hours to come down here. And you're like,

Speaker 2 I'm not done with them. I'll tell you that right now.
It's day after. I'm not done with them.
I'll tell you that. It's day after, right? They are assholes, Bobby.

Speaker 3 I'm almost done.

Speaker 2 I don't even want to even go there with you, pal. I don't even want to go into the arena with you because I will fucking bring out my fucking swords, okay? Let me say something.

Speaker 2 Ching Ching, all right? Ching Ching. Ching Ching.

Speaker 2 So let me say something.

Speaker 2 This whole fucking podcast, I've been looking over, and you just

Speaker 2 do this thing like.

Speaker 3 Give us his moves. What does he do when he's fucking with you?

Speaker 2 He tries to smile, but his eyes are rage. So this is what he did.
He goes,

Speaker 2 and I know that look right right there.

Speaker 2 It's in your eyes. The fury is in your eyes, dude.
And what I'm saying to you is just let go. Soften your eyes.

Speaker 3 It's a quarter inch from Bobby's mud.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Don't talk about my eyes, buddy.
Soften your eyes. Talk about softening.
And let's just, let's be positive now, dude. I don't critique your eyes.
Don't critique my eyes.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 That's right. I'm sorry.
Thank you. Do what you want to do with your eyes.
Thank you. Yeah, yeah.
You're right.

Speaker 3 I want this camera to be directly straight up.

Speaker 3 I'm just fucking making pages.

Speaker 2 By the way, Davy Neron is too good for our chair. He said our chair was bullshit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't like our bullshit chairs.

Speaker 3 I didn't like your fucking raft.

Speaker 3 A blow-up chair. I'm sorry.
This place makes millions. I know you got orange paint.
You did that. So you're cutting corners up there.

Speaker 2 Orange paint.

Speaker 2 Let's bring up the set from their show, from him.

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, mine's stupid.

Speaker 3 This isn't like a real show.

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck off. Fuck off.
It's a very real show.

Speaker 3 Well, we don't really have people in that much.

Speaker 2 Let's see the images.

Speaker 3 We never have video. That's our problem.

Speaker 2 Why not? That's our problem.

Speaker 3 Why don't you do it? We're trying to do one with just me and Dana this year.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's right. I kept telling you guys to do it.

Speaker 3 It's so crazy. They just didn't want that.
And I was like, it's like having a newspaper, guys. We should have video.
That's why you can't find video.

Speaker 2 Also, two TV movie stars should be a fucking.

Speaker 3 And I can't believe it does well, even without, because you know what? It was Smartless you could point to. They don't do it.

Speaker 3 And Coney didn't do it. And guess what? This year, Conan did it.

Speaker 2 Smartless is a little little different than you guys.

Speaker 3 Smartless is different. Yeah.
But we have people, you know. There you go.
There's just us.

Speaker 2 Look how adorable.

Speaker 2 Where are you guys being held captives?

Speaker 3 That's in my basement.

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 3 Fucking. Did you come there, Bobby? You've been to my house.

Speaker 2 Many times.

Speaker 2 Yeah, many times.

Speaker 2 Or the games? We saw fights. I've been to fights.

Speaker 3 You know, I will give you a compliment.

Speaker 3 Santino is pretty funny. I saw his act.

Speaker 2 I see his act.

Speaker 3 My friends like you. They always go, do you see this guy? He's very funny.
Bobby, you do a nice job. And I saw you the other night.
And you act like there's... This is what people tell you.

Speaker 3 You act like you're just thinking about this on stage. You are.

Speaker 3 That's why there's no punchlines.

Speaker 2 But no,

Speaker 3 no, you did good. You were over there.

Speaker 3 And I watched you.

Speaker 2 Remember, I saw you the other day.

Speaker 2 With improv. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And you always are funny.

Speaker 2 Always funny.

Speaker 3 Okay, here's the next thing you have to do for me. Next time we do a gig together, you tell whoever it is, give me your money.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Okay. How many times do we have to do that, though?

Speaker 3 Just once.

Speaker 2 One more time. Just once.
So I'm going to have them give you my money.

Speaker 3 That'd be funny. That'd be kind of funny.
They think?

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And then, Bobby, you sure you want to do this?

Speaker 2 But tell me, yeah, I will. Go, he needs it right now.

Speaker 3 And then I'll go, he won't know. He doesn't even know how much he has.

Speaker 2 He's sick. Yeah, he's sick.
We'll start a rumor that he's sick. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 So you bought some drugs off me.

Speaker 2 Spadey's sick. Yeah, he needs help.

Speaker 2 He's like an odd spot. Ozimpic.
Ozimpic. No, that wouldn't make you.
Ozimpic is for weight loss. I know.
He's on the option. But that's what I bought him from.

Speaker 3 Oh. Guys, that banana's hitting.

Speaker 2 The bananas is. Sugar, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I'm in it now. I'm in it, 10.
Once you get.

Speaker 3 Here's Bobby. I'm in it.
I'm in it.

Speaker 3 You can start filming.

Speaker 3 Jeez, it's the most unusable podcast I've ever done in my life.

Speaker 2 Do you think?

Speaker 3 Where's your list of questions? Where's your list?

Speaker 2 I have some. Do you do any prep? Any prep.
Yeah. No.

Speaker 3 Dude, we had Dan Aykroyd.

Speaker 2 I was like, this, look,

Speaker 2 I'm like, look at this. Go ahead.
Uh-oh. Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. He's a legend.

Speaker 3 You motherfucker.

Speaker 2 You're a legend, too, but we're friends. I like it.
You don't hang out with Dan Aykroyd, do you?

Speaker 3 He says, Legend, I go like this. I'm one too.
I go.

Speaker 2 Mew.

Speaker 3 No, Danny Aykroyd is one of the all-time greats of SNL. So, of course, I want to go, there's too much

Speaker 3 from Ghostbusters. Yeah, too much.
And he also loves fucking paranormal shit.

Speaker 2 What about Mike Myers, though? Mike Myers is great. Don't you think he might be one of the most prolific post-SNL guys?

Speaker 3 Sure. I mean, and the movies he didn't do, he didn't do Sprockets.
They wound up not doing that.

Speaker 2 He didn't do Coffee talk oh wow i just think about fucking

Speaker 2 beyond wainsworld and then shrek

Speaker 2 is absurd oh yeah shrek right to get into that franchise is oh my god do you have any can you pull up google guys

Speaker 3 can you uh do you fight over who punches the keys or is it no it's carlos

Speaker 3 only carlos see if you can find farley doing shrek

Speaker 2 There was no, right, he was supposed to be Shrek.

Speaker 3 I finally found video where he was doing it.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's it right there.
Rare Rare footage of Chris Farley a Shrek.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Wow.
I mean, listen, he did it sort of in his own voice, I think.

Speaker 2 Now, come on, what do you want? Is that really? I don't have time to set it to music. Oh, this is another one of those onion things.
No, this is one of those drop it and leave me alone.

Speaker 2 He's doing his exact voice. Well, why don't you want to talk about it?

Speaker 3 Why don't you? I think what Mike did. Why you answering?

Speaker 2 I like that. That's so wild.
It's so wild.

Speaker 3 He had four days left, I heard. Five days left

Speaker 2 of that.

Speaker 3 No way. And they they asked Johnny, his brother, to finish it.
But Johnny was too like.

Speaker 2 Oh, so he had already done the movie and then he passed? Yeah.

Speaker 3 And Johnny could have finished it because he can do his voice.

Speaker 2 How are you?

Speaker 3 And then Johnny said no because he was too torn up. What a different world that would have been.

Speaker 2 Wow, that's so funny.

Speaker 3 But listen, Shrek is Scottish or whatever, I wouldn't have picked that, but it was a very interesting, weird mic thing to do, and it paid off you.

Speaker 2 It worked so well.

Speaker 3 How would you tell Mike, let's do just a couple normal, like on a regular basis?

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 That's funny. Do a couple like that and then a couple of the ones we're going to use.

Speaker 2 But there were so many.

Speaker 3 I got a trick.

Speaker 2 I want to try something.

Speaker 3 Wow. But just do the script once and then do whatever you want.
But Mike obviously was great and that's all.

Speaker 2 That took a lot of balls though for somebody on the production team to go. Maybe the Scottish thing is going to work.

Speaker 3 And how about how weird it is? You know, Mike's great and you trust him. It's still like, what if everyone goes, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 Why is he Scottish? Right, right. So the question's never posed.

Speaker 3 No one ever.

Speaker 2 You never go, how come nobody else is Scottish?

Speaker 3 Jush and Cameron E. is the other character.
I'm like, where are you from again?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Castle.
Wow. Where is Scotland?

Speaker 3 Where are we? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Exactly. A lot of questions.
Is it something that you tell the producer I'm going to do, or do you just do it on day? You know, someone like him, I would imagine, just.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, I'd be a read-through. You know, well, we are all read-throughs with him, and he just does different things and different reading.

Speaker 3 Like you give him something in a sketch, and he's made, he wants to make something of it. And everyone does theirs.

Speaker 3 So, someone will put a spin on something you don't even see coming, but you can get mine more laughs out of it that weren't there.

Speaker 2 Did you ever make a choice that they didn't end up using that you really liked?

Speaker 3 I remember one time we were, I was Hitler's assistant

Speaker 3 in a sketch.

Speaker 3 And so, they go like this, and I go, Yes, mine, Fiora.

Speaker 3 And every time they kept coming, but it kept getting a laugh. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I'll get right on that, mine.

Speaker 2 Fiera.

Speaker 3 The line is just something mind fear.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 And then like Lauren looks over.

Speaker 3 So then you're like, oh, because if you're fucking up like Smigl Sketch or Jack Handy, you know, they're going to be like a read-through going, what the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 2 Because it's too scary. Wow.

Speaker 3 Because everyone in there is a great writer.

Speaker 2 Did you get nervous? Because I remember just even my show, I would get so nervous before table. You're looking over here and you look.

Speaker 3 Is that where you're looking when you keep looking away from me? Here?

Speaker 2 He looks at the guys. He always looks at the guys.
Look at the guys.

Speaker 3 What? You look all the way over there or do you look here?

Speaker 2 Why does it matter?

Speaker 3 Because you're not looking at me. I'm looking at you now.
When I look, I'm looking at you now.

Speaker 3 When you did SNL.

Speaker 2 And I go like, oh, yeah, yeah. It's his nervous tick.
I have a nervous tick. Yeah.
Thanks for bringing that up. There it is.
It's really looking better. Do it again.
Do it again. See? Oh, God.

Speaker 2 Do the lip thing. Do the lip thing.

Speaker 3 Go ahead. When I did SNL.
See? I have time for one more.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 you get nervous before table reads. Because I just, that's a lot of pressure, right? Because what you do is you read a lot of sketches, not all of them is going to get picked.

Speaker 3 Well, in fairness, I wasn't in that much. So if I was in something, because there's a lot of little birds in that fucking nest.

Speaker 3 Give me those crumbs.

Speaker 3 Like,

Speaker 3 give me something.

Speaker 3 So I want more. Everyone wants to be in more.
Yeah. I'd see Lovett sad.

Speaker 3 He's like, I'm only in three things. I'm like, do you even count? Like, who gives a fuck? When I first got there, I saw him and I go, do you really even care? Like, I just think you're hilarious.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I just see you in a sketch.
I go, oh, this is funny. He's funny.
But they do. And I go, I'll never be like that.
And fucking four days later, I was like, oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 It was exactly what I said I wouldn't do.

Speaker 3 Freak out. Could not be more stressed in my whole life than that show.

Speaker 2 Wow. It was too hard.
The whole time.

Speaker 3 Too hard. But I wasn't really gaining ground.
It was just,

Speaker 3 and of course, the jealousy is

Speaker 3 off the charts. Wow.
Setting off jealous meters in Japan.

Speaker 3 I just see everyone killing it. I'm like, it's just hard to keep your head, keep your friends, pull for everybody, and not go,

Speaker 2 what about me?

Speaker 2 Well, that book, Live from New York, did you read that book? It's just, it's fucking crazy.

Speaker 3 It's just a weird thing.

Speaker 3 You're on the bachelor where they're all nice at the beginning, and then it gets whittled down, and then they have to hate each other, not hate each other, but you go, how much can you pull for a guy?

Speaker 3 Because I'm out. So you have X amount of sketches.
Yeah.

Speaker 3 And this happens today. I talk to people.
They go, I'm trying to keep my head together, but I just, they give this one so many. And you, it's like, it's not fair.

Speaker 3 And you just go, I know, I believe, I've been there.

Speaker 3 But if you're good, usually, and you need some people picking sketches on your team because you have to have an alliance in there to help you because there's so many good ones.

Speaker 3 If you're not like writing with the person or whatever, they might just go, we'll pick all the ones we like. And there's just not enough.
Even if some are good, they don't make it. So

Speaker 3 it's a frustrating place.

Speaker 2 I'm glad I never got to do it. I mean, it's I would have killed.

Speaker 3 In retrospect, you don't really need it like back then when there was only a handful of things to do. Oh, yeah, yeah.
But it did help me get everything else.

Speaker 3 I did, I did okay on there, but I once I got on just shoot me, that was a sitcom, and that I had way

Speaker 3 sort of more fun because it was more relaxing, you know, helping me write, I would add stuff, but it was pretty much them.

Speaker 3 And I'm like, you just show up and read these jokes, it's such a fucking miracle.

Speaker 2 It was so different, yeah.

Speaker 3 Best, and uh, and then doing up more sitcoms like that. That was, I'll probably do another one.
I, I, I did like doing it, and

Speaker 2 you would do another sitcom, I probably would, I don't know, a multicam or a single.

Speaker 3 I don't know because singles are good, but they're hard like movies. If it's good, I would do whatever was best.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 3 But there's two I'm talking about right now, and I go, they're both pretty good ideas. So

Speaker 3 I might happen.

Speaker 2 I'd be cool. I'm really unpredictable.
You really are. Yeah, you are.
Not at all.

Speaker 3 I'm shining down.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. Do you want me to go? No.

Speaker 2 No, what do you mean?

Speaker 3 How many of these do you have today? How many of these do you have?

Speaker 2 Five.

Speaker 2 No, this is it, right?

Speaker 3 Do you always have a guest or do you guys just?

Speaker 2 No, we never, we have, we've had maybe in our lifetime, maybe six guests.

Speaker 2 We don't do a lot of guests. We usually do just us.

Speaker 3 Oh, is that why it was.

Speaker 2 Dude, we've been wanting you for so long.

Speaker 3 But is that why it was such a colossal fucking hassle to have me come on? I used to call him. I go, he goes, can you come on when I see him in real life?

Speaker 3 And then I hit him the next day, hey, where are you like Wednesday through Friday? I think next week, nothing, crickets.

Speaker 3 Two weeks later, oh, yeah, I can't do it then.

Speaker 6 I'm like, right.

Speaker 3 Okay, but when you go, okay, well, let's do it for sure, definitely. And then I go, all right, what about when I'm back from the road?

Speaker 2 And he's like, well,

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And the real reason I was late is because I wanted you guys to have a little report. That's smart.
Yes. Yeah, that was smart.

Speaker 3 Because, you know, I didn't come in here for a little bit because, like on mine, I didn't want to, I don't want to see you. I actually love that.

Speaker 2 I love that you stayed out there because I don't like seeing the guests before too much because then it feels like. Well, you guys didn't talk? No, we did.

Speaker 3 I went out for a while because I go, the first thing I was going to say is something jokey and I'd rather just save it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. The problem was we were waiting on the co-host, so I was doing a lot of due diligence trying to get the co-host here.

Speaker 3 Andrew is professional. He got here early.
I go, oh, they're not here. And he goes, well, Andrew's in there right behind the desk.

Speaker 2 So then I get in the mental space of like, fuck, is Bob going to, and then because David walked in the room and he goes, I'm probably going to leave soon.

Speaker 2 Because today it felt like when I was on a sitcom with Oliver Hudson, yeah, with Jenna Fisher.

Speaker 2 Just let me finish. Are you just plugging sitcoms? No, let me finish.
Let me finish my story. I did the show called I'm Dying and Play.

Speaker 2 And also flop. I know.

Speaker 2 But I remember one day I woke up in my house and there was a man in my living room. Oh, I remember that.
Right.

Speaker 2 And I go, there's someone in my living room. I walk out there and it's like, it's a guy that works on the show.
He goes, it's 10. And I go, so? He's like, call time's at six.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 that feeling of, holy shit, you know what I mean? And just getting in the car.

Speaker 3 Like that feeling I have every single day when I'm late for something.

Speaker 3 Every time at the comedy show, they go, I go, mom after Bobby's here. Yeah, they go, oh, he's not coming.
I go,

Speaker 2 Jesus.

Speaker 2 Perfect. Anyway, Today felt like that.
Yeah, like that. When you were, you, when you, you, you, you said, come on, man.
The way you said, say that again. Come on, man.
Oh, my God. That's

Speaker 3 Emma was sad. We started on a sad note.

Speaker 2 When I say, come on, man, like that, it's like, I'm just, I'm not upset. I'm just disappointed.
Here's my last text to you.

Speaker 3 I'm going to go say bye to Santina.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It feels so bad.
You know what? We did it. I don't give a fuck.
We have it in the can. It was a good podcast.
So fuck it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was great. It was very good.
It was great.

Speaker 3 Comparing it to, hey, Santino. And then I go, by the way, the whole drive here, he doesn't go on way or anything.

Speaker 2 He's just like, you texted me?

Speaker 3 I'm like, what's better than your phone to get to you? What's easier? Because most people, it's phone.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you don't like to call. You're like,

Speaker 3 and then the old, I used to joke about girls when they don't, they go, I'm the worst texter. Like, you text them.
And then four days later, oh my God, I just saw this. I'm the worst at this.

Speaker 3 I'm the worst texture. And you go, it's always a lie.
No one doesn't know how to text. And then you included.
And then like five days.

Speaker 3 and then i answer i make her sweat about a minute and then i answer and then another five days goes by and she's like oh my god i'm so bad at this and then we go to dinner and the whole night she's hunched over her phone like this

Speaker 2 you're getting the hang of it

Speaker 2 wow that's so that's so true yeah yeah yeah you're like a yeah i i you do well you leave a lot of voicey voice yeah yeah that's good you have voice text it's called a gift yeah i have so many voice texts saved you got to save them.

Speaker 2 I save them. You got to save them.
They're good.

Speaker 3 You got to save them. You know, I'll tell you a horrible story.
And then I got to go. Okay.
I used to have a voice recorder, like old people, you know, like beep, leave a message on the phone.

Speaker 3 You know, those

Speaker 2 answering machine. Answering machine.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Do you have those in, where do you live again? Spain. Morocco.

Speaker 3 So I go,

Speaker 3 they make them over there. They get all the way over there.
So I have this, and then I got one that's electronic or something because it was getting, they were phasing out.

Speaker 3 But when I moved to town, I was doing just shoot me. So

Speaker 3 it maxed out at 35 messages. And I had 33.
And it was Varley, Norm, Sandler, and everyone doing fucking bits because when they call, yeah, you? Sandler, you know,

Speaker 3 they just do a fully committed, fully formed, hilarious run-on bit.

Speaker 3 And so many of them are like, yeah, Lord,

Speaker 2 good.

Speaker 2 Good.

Speaker 2 Good. Wow.

Speaker 2 Dave Spade.

Speaker 2 What are you rolling, doobies?

Speaker 3 Just goes on and on, the stupidest shit. And I go, I want to make an album, something one day.

Speaker 6 And then

Speaker 3 the old girl that worked with me went through my office. She goes, I moved your desk.
And I go. And I ran in there and she goes, don't worry, put your phone machine over there.
Unplugged it.

Speaker 6 No. And it was zero.
And I go, no.

Speaker 3 And I went to the store and they're like, oh, there's nothing.

Speaker 2 Oh, my

Speaker 2 God. I'm so mad.
Sickenings. Wait, it's not the girl that you brought today.

Speaker 3 No, that one I haven't beat up.

Speaker 2 Because I would have beat the shit out of her.

Speaker 2 That's insane.

Speaker 3 No, she's great. It was just one of those things where you just go, there's nothing you can do.
Like, holy fuck. But there were so many funny ones.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Well, thank you so much for coming to our program. I really appreciate it.

Speaker 2 Shut up. Drive safely.

Speaker 3 Sick feeling.

Speaker 2 Yeah, drive safely and good luck. With the chill.

Speaker 3 I might blow dry my hair for you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry. I love you so much.

Speaker 2 I'll make it up.

Speaker 2 the farley ones the farley ones that obviously hurts the most because the other ones you could talk to again yeah do you have other stuff saved from him that no one will ever hear or see

Speaker 3 you know it's funny i was just saying the other day that i haven't looked back to my norm messages because just texting because farley wasn't in a text era but went like even brody stevens i don't delete him from twitter instagram no i still have all those texts it's too weird and there's texts and messages and i but i can't read them it's too heavy but uh

Speaker 3 farley stuff you know i have his coat from tommy boy I have his security shirt from Wayne's World that he wore in that scene. And a watch that Lauren gave him.

Speaker 3 I still have some stuff from the house, but it's not super sad. I showed it to Ackroyd because he did Tommy Boy with us.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 I almost didn't even remember that.

Speaker 2 Wayne Zelensky. No, yeah.
Zelensky. Zielinski.
That's right. Wayne Zelensky.
All right. Zelensky Auto parts.

Speaker 3 So you don't have to.

Speaker 2 We do the work.

Speaker 3 So you don't have to. Yeah, something like that.

Speaker 2 But you said, but you did save a bunch of...

Speaker 3 I did, yeah. Some stuff, but you know, it's more, it's too tear jerkery to go through it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, do you ever do this? I know this is dark.
I know we're going down this road, but if I've lost somebody, sometimes for some reason, I'll just call their phone.

Speaker 2 I'll just call their fucking phone with some weird hope or something. I don't even know why I do it, but I call the phone until the number gets disconnected or changed.
It's too heavy.

Speaker 2 I know. I don't know why, but I do it.
I've done that for years for people.

Speaker 6 I didn't even answer. Hello.

Speaker 2 I think about that. Like, what if someone? What would you do? You'd freak out.

Speaker 2 No, I'd be like, you owe me 50 bucks. And you're going to fucking die.

Speaker 3 What do I do with the bad friends?

Speaker 2 Keep it. Keep it.

Speaker 3 Is this your merch?

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's our merch. We sell bad friends.
David, thank you so much for coming. Give it a fuck David Spade.

Speaker 2 David Spade a round of applause. Again, give me a hug, man.
And remember to take your chair back, too. Oh, wow.
Rude. Rude.
Rude. Very rude.

Speaker 2 Listen, I'll take it.

Speaker 3 I thought this is the key chest.

Speaker 2 That's a real gun. That's a real gun.
No, I'm kidding. It's not a real gun.

Speaker 2 If you're going to shoot anybody, shoot one of these fucking idiots.

Speaker 2 Who would you shoot? If you were gonna shoot someone in the studio other than me, who would you shoot? Mean other than Bobby? Yeah. Bobby first.
Bobby's the first to go in any scenario.