SNL v MadTV ft. David Spade

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Hey! Bad friends! Bad friends, we are on tour. We're only doing a couple dates this year.
This is it. Atlantic City, New Jersey.
This weekend, we're in Atlantic City. Then we go to Salt Lake City.
Temecula. Reno.
Sacramento. Long Beach.
Windsor, Ontario. Ontario, Canada.
Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada. Houston, Arizona.
And we end at 420 in Las Vegas. Come on and see us.
Go to BadFriendsPod.com for those tickets. Bad Badfriendspod.com.
Also, oh boy! I'm Bobby Mom. Look, we got shirts.
Miyazaki, Miyazaki. Miyazaki.
And here's the deal with these shirts. This is a competition.
You asked for it. We want to see who's going to sell more shirts.
Me or the Bobo. Okay, you can buy these right now for only two weeks.
That's it. For two weeks at badfriendsmerch.com.
Badfriendsmerch.com It's also going to be in the description, right? And you can buy these. Whoever sells more shirts is the winner.
You're going to win! And the loser has to do what? What does the loser have to do? The loser has to massage the other person in a real masseuse table with a little donut head. Butt naked.
Butt naked. Head to toe, full body massage.
With oil, the whole thing. That'll probably be available on our Patreon at patreon.com slash badfriends if you want to see us get massaged naked.
The loser had to be butt naked for a full body massage. I just want to let you know, it'll be funnier if Andrew has to massage me.
You know that. I don't know.
It's funnier. It's funnier that way.
No, it's not. So by the way, we're both going to lose because the masseuse has to be naked and so does the person getting massaged.
Really? Yeah, it's a body on body. All right, all right.
I'll do it. I don't get it.
Go to badfriendsmerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com to get these shirts for two more weeks. That's it.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Who'd you open for when you were young? I was just seeing on there Bobcat.
Bobcat? You open for him? Yeah. Really? That police academy movie with him.
And he brought me on. Oh, gross.
Is somebody here? God, we were having such a lovely conversation. Yeah.
No reminder, nothing, huh? You do Asian reminders now? You don't. How many reminders? Check your phone.
Jesus Christ, man. Yeah, it's my fault.
Sorry. Whose fault is it? My fault.
It's your fault? Sorry, Bobby. Wow.
I had no idea. How could you not? We couldn't stop talking about this.
I forgot. I forgot.
You scheduled this. You scheduled this.
I drove here from Ojai 7 at the high. Ohio.
No, Ohio. That's insane.
Insane. Say hi to David.
Thanks for coming. Such a big fan.
I'm so sorry. I'll make it up to you.
I know you're actually angry, David. How dare you.
Yeah. Are you furious? He should be.
No, 32 movies. Oh, fuck.
I've never seen you like this. Listen.
I commercials yeah i understand listen let him finish one book um and a holding deal uh bobby what did i text you this morning i go wake up today is your super bowl and you didn't answer who canceled on me friday and is there any way you can do it Monday is there any way and I go Bobby for you I'll do it Monday I'll move everything around 1.30 and you go yeah yeah let me turn off my phone and all my so now he's been here for 44 minutes he's like well guess what though no no no no I got time for one more question okay you're hearing a fucking scrunchie we're doing this okay chug that red bull right now god just i'm not even a fully what's in your mouth are you dipping right now too yeah i'm not fully enough give him something to spit in i'm not fully in this realm sometimes you don't have time to paint your nails you just gotta get down i want to i want to hear more about this for one more second yeah bobcat was the first guy to take you on the road we're talking about it's comedy uh maybe you should sit this one out and then i did bobcat was uh bobcat was on police academy with the instant i got that part my first part and then you stole the movie and we did can you shut up can you honestly shut the fucking I'm all for fake compliments it's just bad I mean at least an Emmy sounds like so I I did that one and then we were up there in Toronto we went to yuck yucks and shit he would bring me around just because I was on I was a comedian so he would let me go he goes can this guy go on and then for those of you you don't know your crowd is what four to eight year olds I think we tap out at six Bobby's big gesticular gestures funny hair and they watch him with the sound off and anyway so I went to the yuck yucks and then they go Bobcat if you go on we'll put him on so that's how it works and then back and we stayed friends. I opened for him.
Now, when he's off stage, was The Voice regular? How were you? No, I think that was an act. He was a nice guy though.
And then I watched him do well. Then he got this movie Hot to Trot about a talking horse.
I don't know if you remember that. Oh my God, yeah.
He had so much heat on him. And it all went, I was there for the whole ride.
It was terrifying. And you watched him crash and then you skyrocketed what a weird did he ever call you after you got super no we stayed friends for a while until I got a certain level Bobby I do like you looking at your phone like and throwing it like crazy like oh you mean you reminded me on my phone why would you do it on the that's where everyone does everything Bobby he's like no I was saying you should throw like you don't send pigeons anymore to fucking wait for can i just say something yeah go ahead two things number one this is great i'm sorry should have been the first thing out of your i'm sorry is the number one today i did that's i already said i'm sorry no you didn't no you didn't you yelled at this poor guy i'm sorry in guadalajara obviously i'm sorry No, no, it's not.
Obviously. Oh, my God.
What kind of games are we playing now? Dude, this is like when my dad used to hit me. You do right now.
You know what, dude? When my dad used to hit me and he'd be like, obviously, I didn't mean to hit you. Can I just say something? All right.
Okay, all right. I made a mistake.
I'm sorry. That's so dumb.
No, no, no. I'm sorry.
You're so disingenuous. But can I tell you something? Please.
All right. There's good news here on this road.
I'll tell you why. I'll spin it.
Check it out, right? Now, from now on though, guess what? I owe you for the rest of my life. That will get me literally enough.
I mean, Jesus Christ. Talk about nothing.
I know, but you don't know that. Have you ever had a Korean? Have you ever had a Korean oil flavor? Oh, Jesus Christ.
Talk about nothing. It's a tea, I know.
But you don't know that.

Have you ever had a Korean,

have you ever had a Korean OU flavor?

A flavor?

A favor, I just woke up.

Are you an ice cream dealer?

Shut the fuck up.

Have you ever had a Korean OU favor?

You haven't, have you, Dave?

No.

And our favors are tremendous.

Gold bars.

You know what I mean?

Free Nobu.

You know what I mean?

Pussy.

First of all, gold bar for Nobu? You like pussy? No. Yeah, you know, okay.
These two immigrants don't know what's gold. All right.
They're here getting three credits. All right.
Oh, so subtly, I want to show those. Yeah.
When you did the Young Comedian special. Oh, boy, a real question? No, I'm not doing a question.
I'm giving you a compliment. Oh, thank you.

Okay, good.

Okay.

I say thank you for even knowing. By the way, you look like Wolverine

and I love it.

Do I look good today?

Yeah, you look good.

Yeah, I really could.

You look like Wolverine.

I suddenly get all the problems.

If he was sick,

but Wolverine, nonetheless.

It's a little gray here.

Oh, yeah.

So here, when you-

Did you agree to that?

No.

Okay.

You look like-

Is your hair gray at all?

There's strands.

Is it dyed?

I don't care if it is.

No, no.

I swear to God there isn't.

There's strands.

Looks good.

I do like your hair.

Thank you so much.

I wish you had a mullet again.

I love it. Okay.
You look like... Do your hair gray at all? There's strands.
Is it dyed?

I don't care if it is.

No, no.

I swear to God there isn't.

There's strands.

I do like your hair. Thank you so much.

I wish you had a mullet again.

I like that look.

I'll go back to it.

That's the favor that you owe.

That's the favor.

The favors...

No, that's it.

The favors go on forever with him now.

They never end.

It's like a God stopper.

It never ends.

Congratulations, David. Congratulations.
You get favors stopper. It never ends.
Congratulations, David.

Congratulations.

You get favors for the rest of your life.

Congratulations.

You win.

Now, let me say something.

I have a real question for Andy.

Oh, fuck.

Is this podcast usable?

Or will this be like a practice?

This is like a, it's for Patreon.

It'll be probably.

No, no.

This is going to air. Relax.
Jesus. I don't like crazy box.
It's going to be the biggest episode in planet Earth. It's going to be Smart Addict.
I don't know what that's called. It's going to be.
Smart Addict? What's it? With your friends, your three friends. It's going to be fucking.
Smartless? Yeah. Smart Addict.
First of all, this is definitely not beating smartless. It will this episode.
Not unless you tone it down. Does this thing do well? I'll just.
Someone else is out. Am I going crazy? This does well.
I like this because I see it. I'll come down.
I'll come down. It's pretty funny.
Well, we like your show. We just, you know, the problem is you guys are respectful and business-like and on time and professional and i was telling when we get there

45 minutes early this sounds crazy just hear me out on the day of like a shoot of a podcast this ragtag operation held in a fucking strip mall in the middle of nowhere you're gonna give him money i go to i go to you he's gonna give you money i go to use the bathroom i go you have a bathroom here oh here's a key with a cinder block on it there's a shell down in tohunga i go guys where is the money going

I know we make money

it's right there

pay them

inflatable Here's a key with a cinder block on it. There's a shell down in Tohunga.
I go, guys, where is the money going?

I know we make money.

It's right there.

Pay them.

In that inflatable chair and all this other dog shit.

Look at that money.

Did you do a set last night or a couple?

Hey, thanks for coming, man.

Normally, I wouldn't accept it.

Give me some lunch.

But today, get some lunch.

Get some lunch.

Now, let me say something.

I didn't even do a full set.

No.

I'm not Brian Monarch. Yeah, I was about to stay aware.
I should afford more than that. Just be Brian Monarch and be Alan? Yeah.
Oh, so can I just say, so you did this HBO Young Kimmy's Smash Mouth. I was a kid, young, high school.
And you did a promo though for it. And I remember the promo, it was an interview, right?

And you said something at the end

and I'd never heard this

and then people have said it before,

but you said something,

you go, hold me.

I don't know why he said that.

Oh, yeah.

Right?

But I remember laughing super loud as a kid.

Yeah.

Weird things like that.

Like when I was-

Let me see it right there.

First one.

When I was on my first Johnny Carson, I think in the middle, i go oh i had a sweater on i go somebody went to the gap anyway

so in the middle of my set yeah so people thought that was interesting because it was so weird

to say on a regular set on my first set on tv so i know what you're saying i'm not giving myself a

compliment i'm saying i like to throw in i think i said hold me yeah it was a segue or like it was

a throwaway or something.

But I remember going, it was so random.

It was so funny.

That's an old, it wasn't in that.

Look at that, look at you.

I know, look at that belt.

That tucked in.

That's fine.

This is the Seinfeldian era of tuck it in.

This is way before the untuck it store.

God, look how cute he is.

And I buttoned it to the top for fucking God knows why.

You don't have a stylist. None of these old shows.
You have anyone telling you anything. I forget who else is on this lineup with you.
Rob Schneider. Yeah.
Drake Sather, who is fucking great. He unalived himself since then.
God, you're such a hip cat. Yeah.
You know the kid's talk. I want to make sure you can use it.
I know, that's great. Don't use words like cat because he's a little older.
That's crazy. Sorry.
Anyway, yeah, yeah. Am I older than you? You could be anywhere, don't tell me, from 20 to 90.
Honestly? Yeah, yeah. Are you? We're kind of close, like five year difference probably.
Oh, we are? Yeah. You look good though.
Thanks, man. And it was Jan Karam, Warren, not Hutchison, Warren Thomas, who passed away.
Did not on a live. He did not.
God did not. Sometimes God does.
Tough disease. Anyway, that was very influential in my comedy.
Thank you. That moment of him saying.
Yeah, because I remember going, I liked the act, you know what I mean? But I was like, I loved it. But I was like, that right there made me laugh so loud.
It was so weird and random to me at that time that I was just like, oh. And also you were so young.
You look at me like you're my age. I was just like, this is a kid doing, you know what I mean? Like on age speed.
This is insane. That's how I felt about Swartzen.
When I saw Nick, he was like, we're not too far off in age. And when he did his Comedy Central Half Hour and was that young what was he was 17 or something was he really he was the young he had the youngest half hour oh these guys actually do something yeah they do okay he had the youngest half i think it was the youngest guy to get a half hour on comedy central 22 years old youngest comic star on comedy central presents but i remember seeing it and being like that's me i'm that's like us.
Like it was, it does do that thing. Cause if you're 22, you're like, that guy's doing better than me.
And I have to do more. I got to do something.
I was still in college. I mean, I was, he, he was already.
It's not a race guys. Huh? It's not a race.
Oh, you're not running. That's for sure.
Cause you're losing. Yeah.
No, I'm kidding. No, Bobby, when we did that HBO thing, they go, you have 30 seconds.
We're just going to film you. You say whatever you want.
It was so weird because we all were like, what are you going to say? They go, we're going to do you separately. You say anything you want for 30 seconds.
So everyone, you didn't know until you watched it. And I remember my manager goes, I saw the one you did.
Do you want to redo that? Do you like that one? And I go, well, I didn't know what to say. He goes, well, yeah, obviously.
And here's what I said. Just picture you have 30 seconds and your new comic.
And here's what I decided to say. I go, I went to Kmart the other day and I got a flat tire.
This isn't even a bit. I go, I got a flat tire.
So I went and I was hungry. So I went in the back and there was a little dirty rotisserie with hot dogs in it.
And I said to the lady working there, are these all beef? And she goes, I don't think so. This is funny.
And I go, and I go, and that was it. And they go, so that's the one.
I think it's funny. It is.
Because it really happened. And I go, I i should have done more that type of humor because it was a little offbeat than just regular joke joke joke but when i got on snl and then uh oh a couple people remember when i got on uh snl i couldn't figure out how to write a sketch or do a weekend update piece without just being do jokes from my act yeah and i think it was conan Conan O'Brien was there and he goes, you have to like a concept, like a whole feel of a bit and then the idea will sell some of the stuff without being like punchlines.
And it took so long. So the first one that actually worked like that where I was a receptionist and I was going, oh, and you are? And it was more like an attitude.
And when I was getting laughs on stuff that wasn't like a punchline,

then I really was like another thing went off.

Like, oh, you can do it like this.

So I started learning, oh, that's how you write sketches that are just the idea of it everyone's rolling with.

So do you remember that one where I'm like

sort of a condescending receptionist?

A greeter, yeah, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I pretend I don't know who anyone is.

And I go, it's a little crazy right now.

And then that worked and then they put it up in the front. Oh, look at that picture of me looks who anyone is at the time.
And I go, it's a little crazy right now. And so, and then that worked

and then they put it up in the front.

Oh, look at that picture of me looks good.

Look at the bottom.

See where I have a coat on?

Yeah, he wants the one,

the newer one from Vanity Fair.

Oh, wow, you look great there.

That's a good one.

It actually says, sorry, David Bowie.

David Spade turned down a request from you.

You also kind of look like Tom York Radiohead a little bit.

A little bit.

That was for this sketch where Bowie,

I couldn't get it on and then Bowie was on The Musical Guest With Tin Machine And I said I'm going to write Bowie I love that The one album They did Tin Machine I love it Let's move on Okay So As I just push him away Yeah I love that It feels so good It feels so good So then I say Oh I putie in at the end going, I'm David Bowie. And I'm like, I'm sorry.
And he's like, I was in, I've actually done it. It's just, I'm not much of a music guy, you know, just talking down him.
So then they go, oh, David Bowie read the sketch. He once talked to you about it.
I go, how about his three lines? I go, oh, sure. So they gave me his fake name.
They said, call this hotel. Do you remember his fake name? I do not.
God, I wish I remember. I want to know his alias.
It was cool. I had it written on a piece of paper because he called me and they said, call him back.
And then I called him. Oh my God.
And they put me through. Imagine.
Can you imagine? I can't imagine. I'm 26, 25.
And I haven't gotten the sketch on it. Imagine.
He goes, David, I'm reading this reception. And I had met him at see look now we're buddies so I had met him before but not this this was after so I say oh yeah I said oh he goes this is so funny I run into these people all the time anyway I can play your part and I go oh well did you read it Dave he goes that's way funnier and it was my lesson in like quit just plugging people in to make you look good uh you know you do a sketch and the host because the host has to do something because when they go in the meeting they go i like that one it's really funny but what do i do and they're like yeah get rid of it and you go the sketch killed and then you figure out later make sure alec baldwin does something yeah what does he have to play yeah because he wants to score or whoever the host is so i go well i it was kind of one of the sketches where like wayne's were like i want to do it more than once and he's like i'd love to do it and they were like if david bowie play we'll put it on for sure yeah and i said no because i go i want to try meanwhile it had the stink of it it didn't get on and then so when you put it read through again it's tougher because they don't get on and then all right and then they go and then it just fades away so i still didn't do it and then everyone's like i probably would have let him do it i'm going so good.
Anyway, I got it on about four months later. Wow.

And he was weird about it.

That's what I was. Who'd you get it on with?

I think I was Roseanne.

Oh, that's cool.

No, MC Hammer was the first one.

And it was the last sketch

in the whole show.

And then the next one was Roseanne

and it was the first sketch.

And that was the best one

that ever worked.

Wow.

And I did it one more time

and then it,

but the Roseanne one

was the best one.

Did you ever have one

that you did,

you know,

like the, the Lauren removes it but then plugs it back in last minute, you know, like right, right after, right before dress or whatever. They don't do that because they have to build the whole set.
So if it doesn't get on a read through, you're fucked, but they might take a weekend update and say, Hey, did you want to do that? We have a light weekend update. And throw you in.
Yeah. Do you have anything? But Sandler would sometimes write a song after read through.
You know, if anything happens during the week and you can write you can throw something in you know and then uh if it's very topical that's the beauty of it now when you when you did when you had your regimen of snl you'd have to be to places on time right and like i'm looking at bobby already drifting off he's like i'm not drifting off is there one of these where you like had fun and No, I've had enough. First of all, number one, I've had enough of it.
I don't give a fuck. I know you're a dog.
Please, that's fine. You do what you do.
Go down your path. I'm already down it.
I'm running full speed. I'm not trying to be controversial.
You guys talk. I'll dip.
I'm slowly waking up. I realize what's going on here.
Just be on the show. I'm on the show.
I'm listening to everything you're saying. What are you talking about, pal? He told me.
I love you, dude. I made a mistake.
I'm sorry. No, we are buddies.
We're buddies. It's not like he's somebody that like, I've gone to do many dinners with him.
We've gone out many times. I've known him for years.
You know what I mean? And as a friend, I'm allowed to make a mistake. I made a mistake.
But I don't like being fucking persecuted.

Persecuted?

Persecuted.

Persecuted.

I don't like being in a corner.

I don't like, these are years of years.

Are this us being friends?

Yeah, that's a sudden Hawaii.

Is that me?

That's you dude with Chris Wintanke.

Witowski.

Yeah, yeah.

Witowski.

Wrong.

That's from the wrong Missy.

Yeah, yeah, it was from the wrong Missy.

A tour de force for Bobby. Do you remember that day? Oh yeah.
That's from the wrong Missy. Yeah, yeah.
It was from the wrong Missy. A tour de force for Bobby.
Do you remember that day? Oh, yeah. That day.
Let's talk about it. Was the worst day of my life.
You know better. Yeah, yeah.
That was the worst day of my life. But it turned out to be the best.
So, um. Oh, that movie was such a fucking monster.
I love it. Great, great.
I looked like shit the whole movie and that killed me. Wait, why? What do you mean? Because I had to shave.
actually voluntarily shaved i was in portland and they i should have like darker hair and fucking shave and not look like myself and i look so bad then they gave me a clip-in wig of darker hair they didn't want to dye your hair it was a bigger pain in the ass why don't you just want to dye your own hair i did and then we added more i go i don't need this anyway once we were locked into it anyway we did the whole movie Lauren was great that's Sarah's shock and that's look at Bobby Freshface God look at how young you look right there for some reason that was like two years ago but you looked so young me? that was five years ago really? no four years ago when did you before COVID dead inside oh COVID that was before COVID right? yeah it right before. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
I look like shit now. No.
That's what you just said. I looked young and fucking springy back then.
You look like you got up on time back then. Like you were humming along schedule.
Oh, do you remember that? I sent that in. That was funny.
Yeah, that was fun. I was just talking to Heather.
I was like, Bobby didn't do Lights Out that much, but- How many times did you do it? Leo didn't do it at all. Once or twice, but I did send a couple of videos.
But you sent stuff in, which is- Yeah, I sent a couple of videos. That was funny.
I did three times? I think I did three times. Two or three times.
I think it was very funny. Can we talk about what happened at the wrong missy? What happened? You think it's just that or no? had well I did so I had one line yeah

no you had

we you were you were greeting us another problem with that scene was not your fault but we walk in and Sandler's kids play the kids there and they walk in and then they're talking loud and Lauren goes hey kids shut the fuck up she screams at him so it's hard to follow that bit because it was really funny and then we get to the front desk and you go good evening Mr. and Mrs.
Tim yeah yeah yeah but mine wasn't a bit it was just a line you were written in because you're Bobby Lee and everyone loves you it's like what people say you're just funny but we didn't give you a great funny part so I said the line which is fine I don't remember it but I remember this I said the line, which is fine. Do the line right now.
I don't remember it,

but I remember this.

I did the line

and I remember,

stop.

And then

it was horrible.

Sandler walking up

and he goes,

I don't know what you're doing, man.

Goddamn.

I go,

what do you mean?

He's like,

yeah,

I just don't know.

I mean,

it's like,

you know,

it's real.

It's a good Sandler impression too.

And I go, that's what he sounds like okay when he's not fucking performing real people or thank you so much I don't like what the fuck you're doing right now so anyway I do it again and then you know there's another problem it's like you're not clear about this this and that and it just kept going and as it went I just started sweating and I remember David looking at me going i'm sorry i was trying not to laugh because i go if he fucking fucks us up again we were laughing i didn't fuck it up i don't think did i fuck it up they just go you go good evening mr i'm like is he trying to sound like a real person that's making me sick because i'm so used to being a goofball you being goofball yeah and you were being I couldn't take it. But it was weird to put him in such a straight role.
It was sort of. I tried to be real about it, but he was like, that's what are you, what are you doing? I go, no, you're great.
And it was just an odd situation. Then we got the giggles cause it was taking forever.
And Adam was there. One line took forever.
He's not there all the time. And he's drinking coffee in the back.
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So then I left that set like in a fury. Mr.
And Mrs. Morris.
Say good evening, Mr. Mrs.
Morris. Let's see you do it right now.
Action. Good evening, Mr.
And Mrs. Morris.
That's perfect. That's what I did.
That's what I fucking did, dude. All right.
Sandler didn't sandler didn't think so i know i know so i get in the van i'm depressed i go to fucking the hotel eat you're right and what happens i go upstairs i'm at the bar eat eat eat and there's a guy next to me at the hotel now that's that this is that day he's an asian dude it was gene oh gene hung right. Right.
And he looks at me and he goes, hey, you Bobby Lee, right? I go, yeah. And he goes, I produced Magnum P.I.
And he goes, I'm going to write you in. That led to a bunch of episodes.
Fucking four years of work. Oh, see.
And you know what? So if Sandler wasn't mean to you that day, you wouldn't have gone on that little eating binge, your little sad boy binge, and you wouldn't have met Gene. If I hadn hadn't gone in general because i remember it was one line and david was like just do a favor i go it's one line but i did it for you know i do it because it's david right but it was good to have you there it was great anyway it did so much for me thank you so much for having me on there i apologize for being late let's not go to nobu that night because we went to eat while you were in town oh no you and i went to that restaurant we went to the strip steak to the strip steak.
Oh, yeah. That was strip steak.
Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But after that, no, that night we didn't go eat.
What hotel was that at? I was embarrassed to be with him. I go, what if someone was seeking? Sandler gives notes on how he's eating the steak.
Oh, my God. Yeah, you're eating it like a fucking robot.
Yeah. Just eat it.
No, it's tough. The Four Seasons was that beautiful.
Do you like girls with tattoos? It depends. Not on the facial structure of the face, but like on the neck.
Who has that? No, there's some girls. Like in the bone.
I don't like the bones. Like, you know, there's this new service you can flirt with girls that are locked up right now doing time.
And there's some face tat chicks that are just stunning. Really? Yeah, go to this.
I see them online all the time. On TikTok, they show these girls that are still in prison.
There's a dating app a dating app for girls. They're going to get out soon.
Right. And.
I would only date, I would go, they'd have to be out within under a year. Yeah, I think it's, I think it's like six to eight months.
I'm serious. It also depends on the, with the crime.
Well, here you go, meetininmate.com. Yeah.
No, the crime doesn't really matter. They're, they're absolving their sins in there.
Like pen pals. That's where it's from.
Oh, there's a whole, it's like a, oh my God, look at all of them. Some featured ladies.
Look at the mugshot Twitter I follow where it's just mugshots. Mugshots of beautiful women who got arrested.
Are there body shots or just the face? She just... You can be deceived.
They usually just do hear from up. Can you call them on the...
Okay, here we go. What do you mean? Okay, Samantha Bullchild.
Tough name. Is she your type? She's out in Couchilla, California.
Couchilla is a name of a place we have here yeah my name's sammy chow chilla oh chow chilla that's even worse it's chow chilla yeah i enjoy meeting new people i'm interested in your culture what's your right and killing you says it right there to get to know people yeah kill you date of birth 8387 so you 8387. So, you know, they tell you stats.
Go down height 5'9". Weight.
Don't worry about it. Is that what she said? No.
I love TikTok, frijoles, and killing. Like slow torture.
Yeah. Give me another one because I'm not really into the Mexican thing right now.
Why not? You're over it? Yeah, I'm over it. Wow.
That phase is done. He does go through big phases.
This is white right here? Yeah, this is white. You like good old fans.
Now, what does she do, this girl? Say what they did? Let's see if they say what they did. What does she do, this girl? Okay, so hold on, hold on, hold on.
What does it say there? Maximum release date would be 2028. Too long.
What did you do, young lady? Sorry. That's a red flag.
When you're in for more than 30 years. Yeah, I mean, that means the crime was pretty bad.
She's a masseuse. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
You know what? She can hit the ground running when she gets out. Back to work.
Right back to work. Go to the four C's.
I do want to know what they did. Yeah, I need what they did.
That's what this site needs. What they did.
Do you like girls that have tattoos with sayings on them? You don't have tattoos, do you, Dave? I do have two, but they're just stupid. What are they? You started it.
What is it? Well, this one I got on Saturday Night Live is a joke. You could even pull that up.
Sean Penn gave me a tattoo. There you go.
It was just a joke, and then he gave me another one about five years ago because I wanted a life's a garden dig it no that's not it I know other people that's very funny so you have a Calvin and Hobbes yeah because he couldn't do the one we picked and so we just had to pick one out of the cartoon I hate it when people go Matt you know you're on that TV it's like SNL I go who says that no one's ever said that no people have said that Mexicans have said that I go well that is that's SNL. I go.
Who says that? No one's ever said that. No people have said that.
Mexicans have said that. No but.
I go. Well that is that's SNL 4 I know but our biggest star was like Nicole Richie.
She was on Mad TV. And we would get people like before they were like one time we got Ryan Reynolds but we didn't know who he was.
Think how crazy it is. In Living Color had bigger stars.
I know.

But then we would get like Marilyn Manson Green Day played.

We had the Strokes play.

That's cool.

So we had cool younger bands

but it's like

I would look at their show

and go,

I mean,

it was a completely different program.

It was a completely different level.

But everyone knows MADtv

so that's kind of good.

It was very well known.

I've heard of Italy.

I don't know if it was like

churning out superstars but Artie Lang was on. Were you on the show? I've heard of Italy.
I don't know if it was like churning out superstars,

but Artie Lang was on.

Were you on the movie?

I like Artie Lang.

Why?

What's wrong with that?

I don't know.

I mean,

the class of guys

I was in on,

I mean,

they've gone on to work.

From ATV,

you?

That's good.

It is.

Key and Peele.

Oh,

Key and Peele is great.

Yeah,

but they weren't on

as long as you were,

right?

But they were on for five years. You did seven? I did eight.
It's real. Who's who? Who cares? Matt Bronger.
There's Matt. Matt Bronger was on it.
Yeah, yeah. We had...
Arden Mirren. Arden Mirren.
Who's in the middle? Who's that girl in the middle? Rockwell on the right? Nicole Parker. That's Nicole Ari Parker? Bobby, are you 11? Is that you? Yeah, I'm in the bottom.
That was my eighth year. That was the last year.

That was your eighth year?

That was the last year, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Who's the person at the top?

Eric Price.

Like, Keegan did it still one last year.

Johnny Sanchez.

I know, I see Johnny.

He's so funny.

He looks so young there.

So young.

Let's move on.

That is a good class.

Bring up Spade's class.

Where's my class?

Look at your fucking... Do you ever play Asian characters on there?

Look at this cat.

Look at Spade.

You were on with nobodies.

David Spade was on SNL with fucking literal nobodies.

Who are any of these people?

I recognize none of these fucking humans.

Dude, holy shit.

I mean... This is honestly...
Al Frankenen this is like when the when it's farley oh my god this is like when the fucking when we were doing the the men's basketball olympic team this is the dream team and then they'd have to play like fucking sweden or some shit the women's side yeah the women's team that was a good year this is dream team Where's Mike Myers though? Mike's probably taking the women's team. That was a good year.
This is dream team shit.

Where's Mike Myers up?

Mike's probably taking the picture, right?

He was there.

You guys always know.

Mike, can you take this?

He's like, well, I wanted to.

That is, I mean, dude, what a fucking,

you were in the gut of some of the great,

it's unbelievable.

It's incredible.

Today is actually a sad anniversary of Chris.

Today?

Wait, is it really today? Get the fuck out of here someone on twitter told me i think no way i knew it was close to christmas

you know why i thought you know what's so weird about this this is one of those things december

18th holy fucking shit today oh my god that is today there's in 2020 you were on set when and

you were fucking late today the disrespect is on farley's i slept in for him oh yeah that

Thank you. god that is today there's in 2020 you were on set when and you were fucking late today the disrespect is on farley's i slept in for him oh yeah that make this actually makes a lot of sense that's nice yeah oh my you know why i when i was dry this morning when i got up and i was getting coffee and i was scrolling i did see someone posted a new photo of chris with a crown hat on with a cigarette in his mouth have you seen that go around yeah man it's such a fucking cool photo and it made me go, I just thought it was just like, you know, someone posting that photo.
Look at this fucking photo. Look at how awesome that photo is.
He was actually a good looking dude. He took some cool fucking pictures.
I mean, that is fucking powerful shit. I don't know.
He just had, you know, I don't know. How are you? When you found out, you told me you were on set, right? I remember that you told me that.

You were on the sitcom.

Did I open up to you one day?

Yeah, you did.

I was on Just Shoot Me.

Just Shoot Me, yeah.

A couple people remember.

Thank you.

A couple in the back.

You went Just Shoot Me and... What's that, your vape pen?

Yeah, he's a vape kid.

Drug dealer runs it in.

He's like this.

You did see the Minnesota junkie there. He's our

little house slut. Oh yeah.

You don't have to tell me which one's which.

I saw that dude dragging

the cinder block. But I do have to say

I want to say another good thing about you.

I just want to say because I just now

I'm fully awoke. I just

woke up. God bless.
I'm fully here.

So I want to say this. Okay, here we go.

48 minutes in.

Yeah, the show's over. Yeah, yeah, I know.
so i want to say this okay here we go 48 minutes yeah the show's over yeah yeah i know i just want to say this honestly david yeah and this is i'm being completely listen look at me i i'm so ashamed that i woke up late i fucking forgot i'm so sorry and it'll never happen again i don't know what i owe you i owe you favors forever for the rest of your life not Not number two. But I do have to say, even before I even knew you, you were just one of the nicest guys in the scene because it's like, I remember you would like randomly take photos with me and stuff and I didn't know you that well.
You were always like available and really cool. These compliments are sort of mid-level.
Like you always had nice shoes. No, no, no.
You're also stylish. Okay.
Now we're getting started. I remember one time I was wearing a Montclair jacket.
And you put your finger around it and you go, someone's doing well. With your finger around the Montclair logo.
Right? See, that's the thing. I was hitting on you.
I remember little moments with Dustin. And that goes a long way.
I like that you guys pull up Moncler. Nothing to do.
And I just feel... Pulled up the word moment.
I like that. Moncler is no fucking bullshit, by the way.
No bullshit. He's doing fine.
Bobby, is it true? And I have a question for you. Okay, go ahead.
Juan Clair. It's called Turning the Tables.
I do an interview show myself. Is this getting lower? Like, my dick.
This is... As it goes, it just...
You know, I took it to variety class. You don't have to come out here.
Go fix it, Matt. Oh my God.
All right.

Come on, Jim Varney.

Fix it.

My God.

Dude, you're fired, dude.

That was so dumb.

What you just did.

He broke the phone.

He's going to break that.

The TV's broken.

I mean, I got it, guy.

He's like,

say sorry, David Spade.

Sorry, David Spade.

That a boy.

He's like,

I saw a dusty sleigh video.

Anyway, so I, what was I even telling you? You were about to give him a compliment. He wanted to give you a compliment.
No, no, it wasn't that. I was just telling another story.
What did I just say? I just started something. No one fucking remembers.
It was literally 18 seconds ago. You did because he kept complimenting you.
Mm-hmm. I go this and that and then...
And you said, I'm going to compliment you. No.
No. I want to turn the tables on you because I...
I do all for the interview. Thank you.
I do an interview. It's a fucking guy.
He finally pipes up. Update that visa.
Give him another six months. Oh, he knocked up a chick here and I locked.
Oh, he did? Smart. Yeah.
Okay. Are you going to remember or are you fucking high? I got to put up a haze.
I can't handle it, man. This is a nigga dude.
I can't handle it. I'm a haze i can't handle it man i can't handle it i'm a millionaire i can't handle it everything's going right in my life all right jesus crow anyway so is it true you don't know how much money you have because i thought this is very interesting i don't because i have uh an accountant and and i go in once a month and i go over it and i thought bobby, I could probably guess not how much money you have, but you do very well.
But I think that would make me more anxious to not know. Because obviously you can afford whatever you want.
You're not going crazy. It makes me more anxious to know.
I know how much he has because I have better communication with his accountant. Do you guys have the same guy? No, because I went in because my therapist goes, you got to go in because you want to know what's, you know, you got to be responsible and know what's going on in your life.
So he's not stealing from you. Yeah, so I went in there and when he told me what I had, I got really upset.
Right? Because I thought I had more than that. That's the problem.
When I go in, it's always less than you. Yeah, so I'm like, I'm never going to know again.
I don't ever want to know. I want to think that I'm rich.
His business manager also is no less than 94 years old and lives at the beach. He's like this visor.
Yeah. Are you touring anyway? I'm on tour right now.
davidspade.com. I don't like to talk about it.
Let's bring up some dates. Yeah, let's put some dates on that.
Yeah, this is why I'm here. I'm here i want to push are you going to record a new hour that's such a fucking big decision okay so you're playing the riv in chicago my hometown love that's my first one in january dude i love the riff that's such a this have you played that before so when this is out you'll be in spokane washington I'm moving the Moore Theater so I'm going to be in Spokane, Washington.
I'm moving the Moore Theater. So I'm going to be in Spokane.
I have Santa Rosa. Seattle.
We played Balboa. It was tough this year because I did not as many as like Nate or Theo, but I did a lot for me.
Yeah. Because I'm fucking did it too late.
You know, I should have been doing this. I'm 30, 40, but I just always, I feel like I was always in a show or movie

and I couldn't, no one was doing theaters.

I mean-

Now everyone-

Five years ago, eight years ago,

it was all like,

this guy did a week at the improv,

sold it out so you can make some money

if you go down to Irvine, it's a bigger improv.

I would do those,

but man, to go to a theater tour is tough.

This is the first year.

Well, so now you're going to Austin in March.

Are you going to do Joe's Club or no?

I just do the Paramount. I might go over there and do uh pop up no what's that thing called kill tony oh yeah yeah kill tony i don't really know them but uh i think i might go see if i can try to do that yeah you should and then uh just do something different and um i'll see adam eget maybe i'll go there and watch see him yeah and uh yeah i don't know this is it's all fun then i do the venetian with nikki glazer we do that oh yeah yeah yeah and you're doing netflix is a joke festival too you should do that you could probably do the venetian both you we're playing the cosmo four five four wait what i'm sorry what is it 420 we're playing the cosmo is that small it should still be open it's closing down right now it is we're going where they're going on a business show yeah are you being real and they're giving away the tickets If you jump in the Bellagio fountain, you get a free ticket to our show.
Don't forget to bring your merch. Are you being real though? No, man.
Doing good. Cosmo's good.
Don't worry about it. Are you guys known to close down theaters? We're fine.
We'll be fine. We'll be fine.
You guys do good. No, we do very good.
I didn't know when you guys had just done it. We do a bunch of shows.
We do do like uh what could your show be you do it with this one and then the other unnamed podcast that we don't talk about here do you hate it andrew no no no i think it's a total waste of his time but i think it's fine that he does it finally a real answer it's a remarkable uh well soft white underbelly is what it's called.

Can I tell you what happened?

Which by the way is great.

If you've never seen

soft white underbelly

can I tell you what happened?

You heroin addict.

Are you sure you don't want

to save it for the other one?

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When we started podcasting man

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Well because we didn't know

if we were going to sell merch.

We didn't know but now that we do we do Shopify dude. Well here's the deal you gotta our minds.
Well, because we didn't know if we were going to sell merch. We didn't know.
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Well, here's the deal. You got to use Shopify.
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Now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in shopify.com slash badfriends can I just tell you what happened like we had to move the thing just real quick or no? yeah please what's that? well I was gonna go to lunch when this was over first fucking hour I was here it is insane to eat a banana but you had to do it quickly because nobody wants to see you eat it. Well, I did it because I knew he was blabbing away.

There's no...

Fucking turn the camera off me for a while.

I'm just trying to stay alive.

I'm a survivor here fucking walking in this dead mall.

Remember that one time I drove you to Sarah Silverman's house?

That was cool.

Did you?

Yeah, remember she had a party I wasn't invited to?

You did.

I wasn't invited to, so I just dropped you off and I'm like, bye, and I left. I don't think I get a plus one.
Yeah, yeah. Like, I've done things, man.
You drove him to Sarah's house? Yeah. I've been to that rooftop party.
Everyone goes. You've never been? Next year, you should go.
I don't think she likes me. Yeah, she said that.
Yeah. I don't know.
It is fun, though. Everybody likes you, buddy.
I know, but I wanted to go up. i just felt like the vibe wasn't like like can i i can't go i can i go i went to a holiday party last night who was there you know i knew if for those of you at home last night was a sunday and last night i knew of two christmas parties on a sunday is so weird don't you think that's weird see i found it weird too is Pete Holmes lives up, up, up and away from here.
And we made the long drive. It was nice.
And it's one of those moments where I realized it's a Sunday. It's too far.
It's a far Sunday. Was that the Ojai party? Yeah.
Fuck off. Yeah.
But it was, no, it was actually wonderful. It was great to go see.
I wanted to go see them up there and I never go up there.

So I wanted to go see.

How far is Ojai from here?

An hour and 25.

Oh, did you spend the night last night?

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

I didn't know.

Yeah.

Sorry.

Is there a hotel up there or did you just take his house?

Ojai Valley Inn is right there.

There's a hotel right there.

It was nice.

Bobby, do you think you'll get married?

This is what everyone asked me and I hate it.

I don't think so.

I think...

You think you're too damaged?

You were sort of married to... Kalilah, yeah., I look at finish it for me.
Kalilah. Yeah.
And then how long did that go? They're still doing the podcast together. You love that.
It's an interesting move. I don't know what the fuck you're doing.
I have no idea what you're doing and I don't like it. Parents fight.
I don't like what you're doing. I don't like it.
And I don't like it. I think this thing, what you're doing right now, I made a mistake.

It's been like this whole, right?

Be honest.

Really dying out.

Back me up here.

It's good, though.

This whole time.

No, just back me up for a second, all right?

This whole time.

Back me up.

Asking for you to be on his side before making the valid argument.

Go ahead.

Also, yelling at them, and they've been hitting you up for the last three hours to come down

here, and you're like, what the fuck?

Oh, I'm not done with them.

I'll tell you that right now. Ah, stay after.
I'm not done with them. I'll tell you that right now.

Stay after.

I'm not done with them.

I'll tell you that.

Stay after, right?

They are assholes, Bobby.

I'm almost done.

I don't even want,

I don't even want to even go there

with you, buddy.

How?

I don't even want to go

into the arena with you

because I will fucking bring out

my fucking swords, okay?

Let me say something.

Ching, ching, all right?

Ching, ching.

Ching, ching.

All right, so let me say something.

Swords. This whole fucking podcast, I've been looking over and you do this thing like.
Ching, ching. All right.
Ching, ching. Ching, ching.
All right. So let me say something.
Swords.

This whole fucking podcast,

I've been looking over

and you do this thing like-

Yeah, give us his moves.

What does he do

when he's fucking with you?

He tries to smile,

but his eyes are rage.

So this is what he does.

He goes,

and I know that luck.

Right there.

It's in your eyes.

The fury is in your eyes, dude.

And what I'm saying to you is just let go. Soften your eyes.
It's a quarter inch. The fury is in your eyes, dude.

And what I'm saying, dude, is let go.

Soften your eyes.

It's a quarter inch from Bobby's mud up.

Don't talk about my eyes, buddy.

Soften your eyes.

Talk about soften your eyes. And let's just, let's be positive now, dude.

I don't critique your eyes.

Don't critique my eyes.

Oh.

That's right.

I'm sorry.

Thank you.

Do what you want to do with your eyes. Thank you.
Yeah, thank you yeah you're right i want this camera to be directly straight i'm just fucking making faces by the way david was too good for our chair he said our chair was bullshit yeah yeah he doesn't like our bullshit chairs i didn't like your fucking raft yeah a blow-up chair i'm sorry this makes millions. I know you got orange paint.
You did that, so start cutting corners up there. Orange paint.
Let's bring up the set from their show, from him and him. Oh yeah, mine's stupid.
But ours isn't like a real show. Oh, fuck off.
It's a very real show. Well, we don't really have people in that much.
Let's see the images. We never have video.
That's our problem. Why not? Why don't you do it? We're trying to do one with just me and Dana this year.
Oh, that's right. I kept telling you guys to do it.
It's so crazy. They just didn't want that.
And I was like, it's like having a newspaper, guys. We should have video.
That's why you can't find video. Oh, so two TV movie stars should be a fucking...
And I can't believe it does well even without... Because you know what? It was smartless you could point to.
They don't Conan didn't do it and guess what this year Conan did it Smartless is a little different than you guys Smartless is different but we have people you know There you go There's just us Look how adorable Where are you guys being held captive That's in my basement Jesus fucking Christ Did you come Bobby? You've been in my house. Late times.

I mean, yeah,

late times, man.

Or the games?

We saw fights.

I've been doing fights.

You know,

I will give you a compliment.

What is this?

Santino is pretty funny.

I saw his act.

I see his act.

My friends like you,

they always go,

did you see this guy?

He's very funny.

Bobby, you do a nice job and I saw you the other night

and you act like there's,

this is what people tell you. You act like you're just thinking About this on stage You are That's why there's no punchlines But no No you did good You were over there And I watched you Remember I saw you the other night With improv Yeah And you always are funny Always funny Okay here's the next thing you have to do for me.
Next time we do a gig together, you tell whoever it is, give me your money. Okay.
Okay. How many times do we have to do that though? Just once.
One more time. Just once.
So I'm going to have them give you my money. That'd be funny.
That'd be kind of funny. That'd be funny.
You think? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
And they'll be like, Bobby, you sure you want to do this? I'll tell him. Yeah, yeah, I will.
I'll go needs it, right? And then I'll go, he won't know. He doesn't even know how much he has.
He's sick. Yeah, he's sick.
We'll start a rumor that he's sick. Yeah, yeah.
So you bought some drugs off me. Spadey's sick.
Yeah, he needs help. He's on his, he's like an Ozzy.
Ozzyn pick, Ozzyn pick. No, that wouldn't make you.
Ozzyn pick is for weight loss. I know.
He's on Ozzyn pick. But that's what I bought him from.
Oh. Is that bananas hitting? The bananas hitting? The sugar, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm in it now i'm in it once you get here's bobby i'm in i'm in it you can start filming yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah she's the most unusable podcast i've ever done in my life do you think um where's your list of questions where's your i have some do you do any prep any prep yeah no dude we had like this.
Look, I know. And I'm like, look at this.
Go ahead. Go ahead.
He's a legend. You motherfucker.
You're a legend too, but we're friends. I like his idea.
You don't hang out with Dan Aykroyd, do you? He says legend, I go like this. I'm one too, I go.
No, Danny Aykroyd is one of the all-time greats of SNL. So, of course, I want to go.
There's too much from Ghostbusters. Yeah, too much.
And he also loves fucking paranormal shit. What about Mike Myers, though? Mike Myers is great.
Don't you think he might be one of the most prolific post-SNL guys? Sure. I mean, and the movies he didn't do, he didn't do Sprockets.
They wound up not doing that. He didn't do Coffee Talk.
Ugh. What? I just think about fucking beyond Wayne's World and then Shrek.
Sh absurd oh yeah shrek right to get into that franchise oh my god do you have any can you pull up google guys can you uh do you fight over who punches the keys or is it no it's carlos only carlos see if you can find farley doing shrek there was not right he was supposed to Shrek. I finally found video where he was doing it.
Wow. That's it right there.
Rare footage of Chris Farley of Shrek. Yeah.
Wow. I mean, listen, he did it in sort of his own voice.
Now, come on. What do you want? Is that really weird? I don't have time to set it to music.
Oh, this is another one of those onion things. No, this is one of those drop it and leave me alone.

He's doing his exact voice.

Why don't you want to talk about it?

I think Mike did.

I like that.

That's so wild. It's so wild.

He had four days left, I heard.

Five days left of that.

No way.

And they asked Johnny, his brother, to finish it.

But Johnny was too like.

Oh, so he had already done the movie and then he passed? Yeah. And Johnny could have finished it because he can do his voice.
How are you? And then Johnny said no because he was too torn up. What a different world that would have been.
Not weird. But listen, Shrek is Scottish or whatever.
I wouldn't have picked that, but it was a very interesting, weird mic thing to do and it paid off. It worked so well.
I mean, but how would you tell Mike, let's do just a couple normal, like on a regular basis. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.
That's funny. Do a couple like that and then a couple of the ones we're going to use.
Yeah. I got a trick.
I want to try something. All right.
Wow. But just do the script once and then do whatever you want.

But Mike obviously was great

and that's all.

That took a lot of balls though

for somebody on the production team

to go,

maybe the Scottish thing

is going to work.

And how about,

how weird it is,

you know,

Mike's great

and you trust him.

It's still like,

what if everyone goes,

what the fuck,

why is he Scottish?

Right, right.

The question's never posed.

No one ever.

You never go,

how come nobody else is Scottish? Even Cameron Diaz, the should I'm like where are you from again yeah yeah castle wow where is Scotland are we yeah a lot of questions is it something that you tell the producer I'm going to do or do you just do it on day well you know someone like him I would imagine just did it read-through. Well, we all read-throughs with him, and he just does different things and different reasons.

Wow.

Like, you give him something in a sketch, and he wants to make something of it, and everyone does there.

So, someone will put a spin on something you don't even see coming, but you can get mine more laughs out of it that weren't there.

Did you ever make a choice that they didn't end up using that you really liked?

Like, one time, I was Hitler's assistant in a sketch. Yeah, yeah.
And so they go like this and I go, yes, mine, Fiera. And every time they kept coming, but it kept getting a laugh.
Yeah. I'll get right on that, mine, Fiera.
And the line is just something mine, Fiera. Yeah.
And then like Lauren looks over. So then you're like, oh, because if you're fucking up like Smigel, Sketch or Jack Candy, you know they're going to be like a read through going, what the fuck are you doing? Because it's too scary.
Wow. Because everyone in there is a great writer.
Did you get nervous? Because I remember just even my show, I would get so nervous before table reads. When you're looking over here and you look, is that where you're looking when you keep looking away from me here? He looks at the guys.
He always looks at the guys. Look at the guys.
But you look all the way over there or do you look here? Why does it matter? Because you're not looking at me. I'm looking at you now.
When I look- I'm looking at you now! You're like this. When you did SNL.
Oh, yeah, yeah. It's his nervous tick.
I have a nervous tick. Yeah.
Thanks for bringing it there. There it is.
Thanks for bringing it looking better. Yeah, yeah.
Do it again. Do it again.
See? Oh, God damn. Now do the lip thing go ahead when I did that see I have time for one more yeah so did you get nervous before table reads because I just that's a lot of pressure right because what you do yeah of course you read a lot of sketches not all of them is gonna get picked well in fairness I wasn't in that much so if i was in something because there's a lot of little birds in that fucking nest give me a little crumb like guys give me something so i want more everyone wants to be in more yeah i'd see love it's sad he's like i'm only in three things i'm like do you even count like who gives a fuck when i first got there i saw him and i go do you really even care like i just think you're hilarious yeah i just see you in a sketch i go oh this is funny he's funny but they do and i go i'll never be like that and fucking four days later i was like it was exactly what i said i wouldn't do freak out could not be more stressed in my whole life than that wow it's too hard the whole time too hard but I wasn't really gaining ground it was just and of course the jealousy is yeah off the charts wow setting off jealous meters in Japan I just see everyone killing and I'm like it's just hard to keep your head keep your friends pull for everybody and not go what about me well that book Live from New York did you read that book it's just it's fucking crazy it's just a weird thing you're you're on the bachelor where they're all nice at the beginning and then it gets whittled down and then they have to hate each other not hate each other but you go how much can you pull for a guy because i'm out so you have x amount of sketches yeah and this happens today i talk to people they go i'm trying to keep my head together, but I just, they give this one so many in you.
It's like, it's not fair. And you just go, I know.
I believe I've been there. But if you're good, usually, and you need some people picking sketches on your team because you have to have an alliance in there to help you because there's so many good ones.
If you're not like writing with the person or whatever, they might just go, we'll the ones we like and there's just not enough even if some are good they don't make it so i'm kind of frustrating place i'm glad i never got to do it uh i mean it would have killed i didn't really need it like back then when there was only a handful of things to do oh yeah but uh it did help me get everything else i did i did okay in there but i once i got on just shoot me that was a sitcom and that i had way i it's sort of more fun because it was less it was more relaxing you were helping me write i would add stuff but it was pretty much them and i'm like you just show up and read these jokes it's such a fucking miracle it was so different yeah best and uh and then doing out more sitcoms like that that was i'll probably do another one i i did like doing it you would do another sitcom i probably would i don't know a multi-camera single i don't know because singles are good but they're hard like movies if it's good i would do whatever was best right but there's two i'm talking about right now and i go they're both pretty good ideas so i might happen that'd be great really unpredictable you really are yeah you are not at down? No, no, no, no. Do you want me to go? No.
No, what do you mean? How many of these do you have today? How many of these do you have? Five. No, this is it, right? This is it.
Do you always have a guest or do you just- No, we never, we have, we've had my be in my lifetime, maybe six guests. Is that right? We don't do a lot of guests.
We usually do just- Oh, is that why I was such- Dude, we've been wanting you for so long. But is that why it was such a colossal fucking hassle

to have me come on?

I used to call him and I go,

he goes, can you come on when I see him in real life?

And then I hit him the next day.

Hey, where are you?

Like Wednesday to Friday, anything next week?

Nothing, crickets.

Two weeks later, oh yeah, I can't do it then.

I'm like, right.

Yeah.

Okay, but when you go, okay,

but we'll let's do it for sure, definitely.

And then I go, all right, what about when I'm back from the road and he's like yeah and the real reason i was late is because i wanted you guys to have a little rapport that's smart yes yeah that's my you did that thinking because you know i didn't come in here for a little bit because like on mine i didn't want to i don't want to see i actually love that I love that you stayed out there because I don't like seeing the guest before too much

because then it feels like

well you guys didn't talk

no we did

I went out for a while

because I go

the first thing I was going to say

is something jokey

and I'd rather just save it

yeah yeah

the problem was

we were waiting on the co-host

so I was doing a lot of due diligence

trying to get the co-host here

the problem was

Andrew is professional

he got here early

I go oh they're not here

and he goes well Andrew's in there

right behind the desk

so then I get in the mental space

of like fuck is Bob going to

and then because David

walked in the room

and he goes

I'm probably going to leave soon

Thank you. Andrew is professional he got here early I go oh they're not here and he goes well Andrew's in there right behind the desk so then I get in the mental space of like fuck is Bob gonna

and then cause David

walk in the room

and he goes

I'm probably gonna leave soon

cause today it felt like

when I was on a sitcom

with Oliver Hudson

yeah

with Jenna Fisher

just let me finish

you just plugging sitcom

let me finish

let me finish my story

I did a show called

I'm Dying

and also it flopped

I know

but I remember one day

I woke up

in my house

and there was a man

in my living room

I'm Dying in P.A. And also it flopped.
I know. But I remember one day I woke up in my house and there was a man in my living room.
Oh, I remember that. Right? And I go, there's someone in my living room.
I walk out there and it's a guy that works on the show. He goes, it's 10.
And I go, so? He's like, call time's at 6. And that feeling of, holy shit, you know what I mean? And just getting in the car.
Like that feeling I have every single day when I'm late for something. Every time at that comedy show, I go, mom, after Bobby's here, they go, oh, he's not coming.
I go, Jesus. Perfect.
Anyway, today felt like that. When you said, come on, man, the way you said, say that again.

Come on, man.

Oh, my God.

That's really sad.

I jumped out.

Everyone was sad.

We started on a sad note.

When I say, come on, man, like that, it's like, I'm not upset.

I'm just disappointed.

You got my last text to you.

I'm going to go say bye to Santino.

Oh, my God.

I feel so bad.

You know what?

That we did it.

I don't give a fuck.

We have it in the can. It was a good podcast, so fuck it.
This great it was very good it was great comparing it to hey santino and then i go by the way the whole drive here he doesn't go on way or anything he's just like you texted me i'm like what's better than your phone to get to you what's easier because most people it's phone yeah you don't like to call you're. And then the old, I used to joke about girls when they don't, they go, I'm the worst texter.

Like, you text them.

And then four days later, oh my God, I just saw this.

I'm the worst at this.

I'm the worst texter.

And you go, it's always a lie.

No one does know how to text.

And then, you included.

And then like five, and then I answer.

I make her sweat about a minute.

And then I answer.

And then another five days goes by.

And she's like, oh my God, I'm so bad at this.

And then we go to dinner.

And the whole night, she's hunched over her phone like this.

I'm so bad at this and then we go to dinner and the whole night she's hunched over her phone like this you're getting the hang of it wow that's so true yeah yeah you're like a yeah I you do well you leave a lot of voicey voice yeah yeah that good You have voice text It's called a gift Yeah I have so many voice texts saved You gotta save I save them You gotta save them They're good You gotta save them You know I'll tell you a horrible story Then I gotta go Okay I used to have a voice recorder Like old people You know like Beep Leave a message On the phone You know those Answer machine Answering machine Answering do you have those in uh where do you live again spain morocco so i go uh they make them over there they get all the way over so i i have this and then i got one that's electronic or something because it was getting they're phasing out but i when i moved to town i was doing just shoot me so So it maxed out at 35 messages and I had 33 and it was getting, they were phasing out. But when I moved to town, I was doing Just Shoot Me.
So it maxed out at 35 messages. And I had 33.
And it was Farley, Norm, Sandler, and everyone doing fucking bits. Because when they call, yeah, you, Sandler.
They just do a fully committed, fully formed, hilarious run on bit. And so many of them are like, yeah, are you good? Good.
Wow. Dave Spade.
What are you rolling doobies? Just goes on and on the stupidest shit and I go, I want to make an album something one day just and then the old girl that worked with me went through my office. She goes, I moved your desk and I go, and I ran in there and't worry i put your phone machine over there unplugged it no and it was zero and i go no and i went to the store and they're like oh we can there's nothing oh my god i'm so mad sickening wait it's not the girl that you brought today no that one i haven't beat up because i would have beat the shit out of her yeah that's insane no she's great it was just one of those things where you just go there's nothing you can do like holy fuck but there was so many funny ones oh well thank you so much for coming to our program really appreciate it shut up safely like sick feeling yeah drive safely and good luck with the last time i blow dry my hair for you yeah I'm so sorry.
I love you so much. I'll make it up.
The Farley ones, that obviously hurts the most because the other ones you could talk to again. Do you have other stuff saved from him that no one will ever hear or see? You know, it's funny.
I was just saying the other day that I haven't looked back to my norm messages because just texting. Because Farley, it wasn't in a text era, but even Brody Stevens, I don't delete him from Twitter, Instagram.
No, I still have all those texts. It's too weird and there's texts and messages, but I can't read them, it's too heavy.
But Farley stuff, I have his coat from Tommy Boy, I have his security shirt from Wayne's World that he wore in that scene, and I watched that Lauren gave him. I still have some stuff on the house but it's not super sad.
I showed it to Ackroyd because he did Tommy Boy with us. Oh yeah.
I almost didn't even remember that. Wayne Zielinski.
No, yeah. Zielinski.
Zielinski, that's right. Wayne Zielinski.
All right. Zielinski Auto Parts.
So you don't have to. We need to do the work.
So you don't have to. Yeah, something like that said but you did save a bunch of you i did yeah some stuff but you know it's more it's two-tier jerky to go through it yeah like do you ever do this i know this is dark i know we're going on this road but if i've lost somebody sometimes for some reason i'll just call their phone i'll just call their fucking phone with some weird hope or something i don't even know what i why i do it but i call the phone until the number gets disconnected or changed too heavy i know i don't know why but i do it i've done that for years what did they answer hello i think about that like what if someone what would you do you'd freak out no i'd be like you owe you owe me 50 bucks and you're gonna die.
What do I do with the bad friends fucking- Keep it.

Is this your merch?

Yeah, it's our merch.

We sell bad friends.

David, thank you so much for coming.

Give it up for David Spade.

Give him a round of applause.

Give me a hug, man.

And remember to take your chair back, too.

Oh, wow.

Rude.

Rude.

Rude.

Very rude.

Fuck you, dude.

Listen.

I'll take it.

I thought this was the key chip. that's a real gun that's a real no i'm kidding it's not a real gun if you're gonna shoot anybody shoot one of these fucking idiots who would you shoot if you're gonna shoot someone in this studio other than me who would you shoot if you were going to shoot someone in this studio? Other than me, who would you shoot?

Other than Bobby?

Yeah, Bobby first. Bobby's the first to go, in any scenario.