I'm Bobby Mom With Bobby's Mom

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Terms and conditions apply. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are just...
It looks really cool. Does it? You two are something.
We're bad friends. Okay, go.
200 episodes. It's going smooth.
That was it. That was it.
That was it. That was it.
That was the intro. Go ahead.
Got a drink. It feels so good.
Anyway, welcome to another episode. What is this? 200th episode? 200th.
This is our 200th episode. From Las Vegas, Nevada.
Welcome to Bad Friends from Las Vegas, Nevada. We had a little fun last night.
We came in. We went out to a nice, beautiful family dinner, didn't we? Talking about came in.
Yeah. Go ahead.
Talk about it. I did it.
Yeah? Yeah, man. Did you make sweet love last night? No.
By myself. Two pillows.
Are you being serious? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Face me a little bit, will you? It's called Pete.
You turn and face me.

Move your chair that way so you're angled towards me.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I want to look at my guy.

Oh, sorry.

We have to connect.

I want to look at my guy.

We have to connect.

You know, can I say something?

Say it, baby.

You're a master of all things.

Oh, don't do it.

You are.

Can I tell you why

you're the master of all things?

Tell me why.

Number one,

you know so many things

about a great number of things.

Like, for instance, gambling.

You're good at... This is why I made you face this way so you wouldn't watch the people walking by because he's distracted I'm so distracted by the people if a butterfly flies by this guy an hour and a half you're like my dog with a squirrel you just can't let it go can I just say something please you're the master of all things like when we went bowling one time you're so good but also in gambling last night I started winning because you're next to me and you're like, you're very good.

You know,

manly things.

You also know things about like restaurants and stuff.

Like if I go out,

you go,

I can go in here at this one.

And what did we do last night

when we gambled?

Who won money last night?

Well, let's start from the beginning.

Let's start from all the way

you went.

Okay.

So number one,

you go,

I go,

I texted you.

I'm like,

where are we going to,

you know,

eat?

Do you know any restaurants?

And you're like,

don't worry about it.

Which is like,

you know what I mean? Don't worry about it. He knows that.
don't worry about it. Which is like, you know what I mean?

Don't worry about it.

He knows that.

Don't worry about it. We went to a restaurant last night called Delilah.

Delilah.

Right?

It was probably one of the greatest restaurants

I've been to in the last three and a half years.

That's pretty good.

Three and a half.

Yeah.

That's really good.

It's pretty good.

What'd you eat?

Psych.

Let me list off what you ate. Ham crudo You had tuna tartare You had pigs in a blanket Chicken fingers Truffle fries Crab Caesar salad Regular Caesar salad Tomahawk steak Branzino Carrot souffle Ro Roasted cauliflower, Ice cream sundae, Sexy chocolate brownie.
What was it called? Slutty brownie. I don't eat that.
Three Diet Cokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I spilled one. On me? I spilled a Diet Coke on you.
I'm so sorry. It's okay.
On her new dress. Jessica, you got a brand new outfit and you built an entire Diet Coke.
I didn't even care.

I was having so much fun.

I was like, pour another one.

So we had a delicious little dinner.

Amazing dinner.

Then afterwards, we're like, what do we do?

What does one do in the Las Vegas area?

So we went gambling.

We had to.

And then I started winning.

Oh, can I just say this?

Before even Delilah, I won $2,000, remember?

You won $2,000 in a machine.

And I said, what are you going to do with the $2,000?

I bought two jackets.

Two jackets.

That's what he bought right away. Two jackets.
At Aviator Nation. You got to do it, dude.
You got to do it. You got to spend.
If you're going to get it, you got to give it away. I also have to say about this wind casino.
Do you like it? Uh-oh. Penetrates and feels so good.

Okay.

Sticking my tip in. Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Makes me feel so good.

So the more you sing the song,

the more I think you actually made love to somebody.

A pillow.

So anyway, before we went to Delilah's,

I got the two things.

And then I have to say that the night before,

I was here by myself and I went to this place. You went to Best Friend.
Best Friend. Yeah.
How many times have you been here? Throughout my life? Yeah. Oh my God.
Remember, I've done something, probably a hundred. And this one you love a lot.
Yeah, I've been coming here since night. The first time I ever came was 1996 where I opened for Pauly.
What room did you guys play? At the Riviera. Oh, wow.
And then, you know, I performed at five minutes. And then Mitzi came up to me after the show.
And she goes, you're a paid regular. And that's where my journey really began.
You got passed here. Oh, yeah.
That's wild. I didn't know that story.
I thought you got passed in LA. Yeah.
So Mitzi was out here when they used to have a house. Can I ask you a question? Yeah.
What feels so good?

Penetrate. It feels so good.

Exactly, dude. Also, the 200th

episode feels pretty good and we have

a special surprise.

We have a special surprise. Yes, we do.

What is it? What is it? It's very special.

Do you guys want to say it? Yeah, I'd love to.

Okay. Carlos.

I get to see your penis finally. Yes.

Yeah. Oh my goodness.

My mom's here?

It's Bobby Mom!

It's Bobby Mom!

Why are you in a wheelchair?

Because Carlos broke her.

No, why are you in a wheelchair?

Because I want to surprise you.

Yeah, but you can't walk anymore?

She's just tired.

Really? She's just tired. Really?

She's like you.

She's tired.

I'm crippled.

No, no.

Why do you want to walk here?

She doesn't need the headphones.

No, because I couldn't sleep last night.

Yeah.

Because I want to see you.

Oh, I love you, mom.

Oh, my God.

What a surprise.

That is so sweet.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I walked here, not flying.

Oh, you walked here?

That's why you're not…

This is so shocking that you brought…

I feel so bad that I sang the penetration song. Why don't you he singing again for your mom? Mom, mom, I wrote a song.
Didn't I tell you I want to see you in my dream last night? Yeah. Uh-oh.
That's you? That was you? Yeah. You were a bullfrog.
I saw a bullfrog last night and that was my mom, I guess. She goes, I'm going to see you in dreams.
Sing her the song that you wrote for her. Pay the trace! No, that's not.
No, it is. No.
Anyway, mom, when's the last time you went to Vegas? About 40 years ago. What'd you do here? I lost $20.
And back then, that was like $20,000. $20 back then was like $20,000.
Yeah, like 1814. I guess that was a lot of money back then.
Yeah, yeah. You were here and you lost $20.
What'd you lose it on? What'd you gamble? What did you play? Quarters. Quarters? What's quarters? I don't know what quarters is.
Quarter. Quarter machine.
Oh, slot machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Quarter slot. Slot.
Sorry. Slop machine.
Slop machine. You know what your mom said to me? She said…

All right, don't do that.

Don't cut it out.

Oh, my mom.

Byeongshing.

Byeongshing.

Byeongshing.

Byeongshing.

Byeongshing.

Mentally handicapped.

Yeah.

Well, she's Shing.

She's not Byeongshing.

She's handicapped.

Yeah.

So she's half of it.

Please don't say that about my mom.

Well, you said Byeongshing,

and I just put it together.

It's mentally handicapped.

Please don't ever say that about my mom.

What does Byeongshing mean? See, they're doing it again. I'm not Byeongshing.
Yeah, about my mom. Well, you said Byung Ching and I just put it together.
It's mentally handicapped. Please don't ever say that about my mom.
What does Byung Ching mean? See, they're doing it again. I'm not Byung Ching.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, look.
Yeah, yeah, no. She's just tired.
She's old. You son of a bitch, dude.
Don't ever do that. In the quarter slots, Bobby last night won $2,000.
Really? $2,000. And you put it in again and you lost.
No, I cashed out and I bought jackets.

Oh, good.

I want my shirt too. What do you mean? Tottenham shirt.
You want a Tottenham shirt? Uh-huh. Number seven.
Because of son? Son. Mom.
Fuck mom. Hey.
No, not fuck. Now, fuck you, man.
No, hey. Now, fuck you too, dude.
Hey, chill out. I want to say something, Omar.
Okay? You know that Tottenham is… You know, what team do I like? Arsenal. Yes.
Who is their main enemy? Tottenham. Tottenham.
Because of Sonny. No, that's not because of Sonny.
It's just their rivals. You can't just be all like, I like Tottenham now.
Because of Sonny. She likes Tottenham because there's a Korean dude.
Yeah. his name? Sonny.
Why do you like him? Because he's Korean. You like everything Korean, huh? Yeah, everything Korean.
Is there anything Korean that you don't... Yeah, you gotta talk in the mic.
I am? Oh. Yeah, yeah.
Mom, how are you doing in Phoenix?

Okay, you're doing okay?

Wonderful.

How old are you now?

Awesome.

How old are you now?

How old are you?

80.

80, wow.

In two months.

In two months?

So, don't call, don't send me any, you know, congratulations on my birthday.

You don't want me to say congratulations?

You didn't do last year. You didn't wish her happy birthday last year? I didn't say happy birthday last year? No.
Even Steven didn't do. So I'm going to let him know when it's my birthday again, you know.
It's February 13th. It's February 13th.
Okay, can I say this though? We don't do holidays. You know our family doesn't do it.
No, I do it on your birthday. Barely, though.
No, every, every year I do.

Yeah, but you don't send anything.

You just say happy birthday.

No, no, no.

Oh, that's what I want.

Oh, that's what February 13th, you want birthday.

No, I don't want any money.

I didn't say money.

I just said.

All right.

From now on, then.

February 13th, I'll give you.

Just to say, mom, happy birthday to you.

That's all I want.

Okay, okay.

Okay, okay. Is it too much to ask?

No, it's not too much to ask.

What's so funny?

From now on, you're 53.

What do you mean?

From now on,

you learned that at like 12.

You do?

Yeah.

I don't know. What do you mean? What do you learn at 12?

To be respectful to your mother. Yeah.
Okay, you gotta buy her that shirt now what shirt? the team jersey I'm gonna get you a Tottenham shirt yeah I'm gonna get you a Tottenham shirt why don't you get her why don't you buy that today? why don't you give her that shirt today? like a big one because I don't like small clothes okay okay I okay. I like 2X.
2X.

2X, why?

No, it's like pajamas.

What?

Pajama.

Like a pajama.

Yeah, but you know soccer jerseys

aren't fun to sleep in, mom.

I know.

What are you going to wear?

You're going to just wear it?

Wear it at home.

You're going to wear it at home?

Mm-hmm.

Okay, I'll get you one.

And dark color.

Yeah.

Yeah, dark.

Dark color.

No white.

Mom, Tottenham's colors is white and blue. No, they have...
No, they have a brown. They have green.
They have a way kits. As long as it's not white, right? You don't like white.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't like white anything.
Jerseys, people. I don't choose white.
He doesn't like white anything. Well, I'm white.
Mom, you got to talk on the mic, Mom talk on the mic mom we talk here you know what she said to me when i went and said she goes oh i'm not getting used to it she said i asked her what she goes your hair yeah he's red right yeah i know how do you feel about that but it's not red anymore yeah it's the same color it's like a blonde no it's not that's blonde what How do you feel about that? But it's not red anymore. Yeah.
It's the same color. It's kind of blonde.
No, it's not. That's blonde.
What the fuck are you talking about? Maybe I'm colorblind. Colorblind.
Yeah. Finally, I know I'm colorblind.
Is she? Well, let me see. She flew in today.
Yeah. She's flying back tonight.
Yeah. Okay.
So you flew in there for this.

Yes.

Okay, good.

Yeah, I'm...

Oh, tonight I'm leaving.

How was the flight?

Good?

Oh, yeah.

Was it Southwest?

Was it Southwest?

Yeah.

She gave her Southwest at 80.

No, no.

First class.

Okay, okay.

Well, let him sit and talk on the mic for a second so we can brutalize him for a minute I'm gonna explain here Bobby really light him up about this let her get on her iPad by the way what are you doing you wanna watch stuff no color you wanna cut color okay thank you find the color mom so my mom's listen you fly me and Andrew's first class, right? Yeah. Semi-private sometimes.
Yeah, yeah. Like today we had private.
Yeah, yeah. So why… Why my mom… The color, the color.
Yeah. The color.
The green one? It's in a wave kit. I will.
Can I see the color? This is the jersey. Green one in long sleeve.
This is sun. Long sleeve.
This is who we want. Long sleeve, okay.
Yeah, yeah. Hot.
Green one in like twigs. You know mom.
You're right. Here give me this.
Mom just listen to me okay. Just listen to me real quick okay.
I know. All the Korean men you like.
You like BTS right. They're all handsome.
Yeah, right? Talk to me. Talk to me.
Come on, people listening. He's kind of tall, handsome, athletic.
He's tall, athletic, handsome. But you spawned ugly.
You? Me? No, you're not. I know, but not ugly, but you spawned five foot two chubby weird dudes.
That's why I like another guy. You're perfect.
I know, but I'm just saying the guys you like don't look nothing like Steve and I. Well, I don't have to be like your height.
I know, but the thing is... I love you, that's all, you know.
I love you, that's all. What do you mean? She doesn't have to be sexually attracted to your type.
Her mother loves her enough. She's obsessed with- Why'd you bring that into it? That's fucking weird.
Don't even bring that into it. Why do you want your mom to be sexually attracted to your body type? No, I'm not saying that.
What I'm saying is that she likes good-looking Asian, even women. But she doesn't like- she's never said like, I like this Korean actress who's four foot nine and has a gigantic head.
To be fair, last night outside the wind, we were talking about our body types we like and you said no chunkos. Yeah, that's what you did say that.
You said you like them really, really tall. Whoa, what are you doing? I gotta tell you, Carlos Sober is the best version I've ever seen of himself.
This is amazing. The clarity is huge.
What are you talking about right now, dude? He's clear, dude. I'm seeing things in a different way, dude.
Tell him what happened. Tell me what happened last night.
He's going clear. You went clear? He went clear.
I went clear. Anyway, next time my mom's here, I get her first class.
She's old and she's like my mom. I know she...
I know her. We text.
She's Bobby's mom in my phone. Wait, you text her with him? Oh, yeah.
You like him? Oh, yeah. Why? Because he's good to me.
He is? Yeah. Mama, have you ever heard of glory holes? Glory holes? What is that? No, we did make a good...
I'm just saying, he's into glory holes. Yeah.
I don't want to tell you what they are, but it's not... I'm good.
It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter? Thank you.
Somebody good to me. We saw an escort.
Oh, you like it? Yeah. On the way here, we saw an escort while walking.
And I said, hey, that looks like a prostitute. And we had a good laugh, right? Remember that? What do I say? I don't know.
I don't know. What do I say? What do I say? This is a crazy guy.
I know say? What did I say? What did I say? Shut up, man. What did he say? This is good for our audience.
When you were walking in. What did I say? Seven words are making sense now for everybody.
What do you? Slow down Okay Yeah and don't yell Especially at your mother Okay She just couldn't hear me But the laugh is on camera What did he say? What he said So you don't know me like a tall guy and good looking? Yeah what's the problem? What's wrong with that? Thank you What's wrong with that? Yeah because, because I love it as you are. I never say you are too

short or too tall, whatever.

He's not too tall. He's never too tall.

I have to like all short guys.

No. You're right.

Yeah, you're right. You're perfect just the way

you are. Yeah, because you're perfect

to me. Yes.
I'm perfect to you.

Thank you. Yeah.
Not as perfect as

Steve, but you're perfect. And I'm always your

side, right? So what do you ask more? You're right, right. I love you.
Are you attracted, Bobby, to women that look like your mom? Shut up. Are you attracted to- I don't even know why you brought that up.
Let's not even do- Let's move on. You were the one that did it.
You said it. He kind of is, actually.
What? Because she's thin. BTS, whatever.
Shut the fuck up. Everyone shut the fuck up.
Let's calm down. Be nice.
So what he said was- What do you mean? Be nice to Carlos He's clean now When we were coming in Mom He said that when you were coming You saw a prostitute You know what a prostitute is? Pakistan? Pakistan Pakistan yeah That's what? A Pakistan We saw a Pakistan No a prostitute Prostitute? Did you laugh? Okay, good. See? Confirmed.
I don't know. Thank you.
These noises just sound like drums. What are you saying? She was saying that she was basically telling me what a prostitute is.
They receive money and all that kind of stuff. Oh, yeah.
What's a prostitute in Korean? What's it called? What's the word? What's it called? I don't want to say it. You say it.
Korean? Yeah. Well, you just said it earlier.
Oh, the shame. You already said it.
But not in there. Yeah, you did.
Yeah, yeah. Bungtang? What is it? Prostitute.
Hooker. Oh, no.
No, you're not going to say it? Chang-yeo. Chang-yeo.
Chang-yeo. Chang-yeo.
Yo, it's a 여자. Oh, Chang-yeo.
So many words. So many words just to say hooker.
It's like nine words for one thing. Yeah.
Let's tell your mom about some of the things that happened last night. Okay.
So we're going to tell you what happened last night. Okay.
Yeah. You don't have to say anything.
Just listen. Okay.
I always listen to you. All right.
So tell me what happened last night. Well, I went to bed at 10 PM.
I had a headache. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
I did my thing. But, you told me to go cash out my winnings and give them to McCone because McCone lost your- Lost my $300.
Yeah, so I gave him $300. He lost that too.
And then he went to a strip club with Andrew. And me- Do you think he deserved one to go to the strip club? Yeah.
Okay. He deserved to go.
I like that. That's good.
Yeah, when you're down- That. You got to go.
So Jesse can help tell the story. So he lost $600 of mutual friend money, right? Yeah, he spent everybody's money last night.
Everybody's money last night. I gave him some money too.
She gave him some money too. So then I take him to the strip club, Bob.
Okay, I go to the strip club. Me, Jesse, McCone, and my friend Baldino.
We go to the strip club. It's nice.
It's low key. It was awesome.
We're having a great time. I don't know much.
I don't feel weird vibes from Baldino. You do? Yeah.
Why? He's just right there. Yeah, I want him there.
Yeah, yeah. In case something happens, he's our secure.
Okay? He's just a little strong for me. He's very strong.
That's why you feel threatened. Yeah, that's why you're threatened.
He's sharp. No, but he like when I play fight, he goes a little too far.
Yeah, because why are you playing with fire?

What are you doing?

You're going to get burnt, kiddo.

Stop putting your hand on the stove.

It's going to hurt.

And I just kind of like to grapple a little bit.

No, he doesn't want to grapple a little bit.

And then he puts me in a thing.

Right.

Just don't put me in the thing.

No, he's got to.

Yeah, yeah.

So we went to the strip club.

I said to, I handed, we got a couple hundred and ones.

And immediately McCone gets attacked like the sucker he is.

She sits on him so he can't move.

A girl does.

Beautiful or what?

Yeah, she was pretty. They were all pretty.

But I mean, she sat around his lap so he couldn't move

like a sucker.

Anchored him. Yeah, anchored him down.

And then what do I get a text that says what? What do you think?

What do you think the text says? From who?

From McCone. Help? No.
Okay. Can I have cash, please? Oh, can I have cash? That's because it's a PLZ.
Can I just say something? He's already out $800 about a deal of money. Do you have an ATM card? Yes, I do, but earlier in the evening, Andrew said you better not go to the ATM.
Okay, but you have an ATM card. I do.
Alright. Do you have money in your account? I do.
Okay. Do you know your password?

Yeah.

Just get money on...

What are you asking Andrew for money for?

I did eventually go to

the ATM. How much did you pull out? I pulled out

$80. Tell him why.

Why? What can you do with $80?

Because I needed to

tip them as well. Two beers.

Two beers. Oh, well, no.
The two beers were separate. I put that on my card and then I had to pull out because she was like tip.
And I was like, oh, I guess. And then I pulled out $80 in cash and I gave her 40.
Idiot. He just thought she was into you.
Did you think she was just like into you? No, but I'm just I'm bad at like, it's so awkward to say no. It's like the coffee shop when they make you on the iPad, give a tip.
It's like that times a. Yeah, but you ordered the coffee.
Yeah, you did. The coffee sat on my lap.
I didn't order any coffee. The coffee came up to me.
You didn't walk in there and they started making it. You go, Uncle Andrew, can I have money for the lap dance? He comes over and gives you cash.
I went over to him. How many dances did you get? One? Six minutes.
How good was the dance? She kneed me in the balls accidentally. But other than that, it was pretty good.
Did you get erect? Yeah. Was it a little moist in the tip? No moisture.
Okay. Has your mom been to a strip club? Have you been to a strip club?

What do you mean?

No, don't, don't, don't, don't.

She did, but she doesn't know.

It's okay.

I think she'll be so much fun.

I cannot hear.

Put on the headphones if she wants, no?

Can you put this on, mom?

It'll be better.

It's better.

There you go. That's delicate.
Oh, you're doing it so nicely. Is it better? Can you hear? Yeah, yeah.
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Last night, they went to a strip club.

Strip club.

Strip club.

Women, they take their clothes off and they all went. And they get money.
Me too. I went to one time in Michigan.
Tell us. You went to a stroke club in Michigan? Yeah.
Tell us, yes. Oh no, a friend.
Oh, you went, a friend went? Oh, women or men? Women. But the dancers were men or women? Oh yeah, men, naked.
Naked men. Oh, it's men.
Yeah. Then you're're a man.
I'm a man. I'm a man.
I'm a man. I'm a man.
Oh, so you're a man. I'm a man.
I'm a man. I'm a man.
I'm a man. I'm a man.
Did you see Guchu? Huh? Oh. Penis.
Big one. Really? The Brazilian boy.
Big one. Long, long.
Wait, his name was Dragon Boy? Dragon Boy? Brazil.

Brazil?

Oh, Brazil.

Wait, it's called Brazil.

No, he was Brazilian.

He came from Brazil.

He came from... Oh, Brazil.

Oh, my God.

Oh, ugly.

She was scary.

Oh, my God.

She said scary.

Too big.

Come on.

Yeah.

How's dad's?

Dad's penis. Small.
No. Not Brazil.
Not Brazil though. Not Brazil.
That's ugly. It's ugly.
Yeah. So you were sitting there with your friend.
And Brazil was coming dancing to you. Yeah.
Did you give him money? I don't. You didn't know.
Because I didn't enjoy it. Oh, you didn't enjoy it.
Jinguro. Jinguro.
Scary, she said. Well, it is scary when you get a big Brazilian penis in your face.
Oh, you're not doing it. I don't like it.
You're not doing it. Except daddy.
I don't want naked money. Daddy's dick is the best.
It is. That's what my mom just said.
Daddy's dick is the best dick. That's the name of this episode.
Daddy's dick is the best dick. Can I tell you the coolest thing of the strip club though? Please.
The lady gets on her hands, spreads her legs, puts a dollar on her vagina. Love this.
It goes in the air. Floats it in the air.
Like confetti. One girl made it hover for a minute.
Yeah, it was so awesome. A few women were doing this.
On her back, legs in the air. It was like a shin limb stripper situation.
Magic. Also, we don't know.
No, we do know. Oh, we do know? Yeah.
So it kept in the air by our queefs? Yeah, I think so. Okay.
It was awesome. Dude, it was honestly amazing.
Some of the acrobatics of some of these girls was shocking. One of the girls was walking on the ceiling.
Walking on the ceiling. Like crossing tiger head and dragon style.
Yeah, like Mission Impossible. She dropped from the pole and hovered on the ground.
She said, right before she had to go. Ethan Hunt.
And all that was queef noise. Me and this guy, Mark Babbitt,

back in the late 90s,

I used to open for Mencia.

Yeah, we know. The great Carlos Mencia.

Yeah, we know.

And we were at a theater in Texas

and this guy, Mark Babbitt,

who was like back then a promoter,

he goes,

yeah, I got a girl to come back here

to give us a dance.

And then she got naked

and me and Mark sat sitting next to each other. She bent over and her vagina.
Just use a different word. Oh yeah, her gash.
There it is. Her sexual organs.
That's better. More scientific.
Approved by your mom. Her sexual organs were green.
Women's sex. Green? Have you ever seen a green? Ask your mom.
Have you ever seen a green? A green vagina? I don't never see any. Me neither.
You and me. Wait, you've never seen other people's vagina before? No.
Why? I don't see mine. You've never seen yours? No.
You've never seen your old vagina? No, why? I know exactly why. Why would you? Yeah, I guess that is true.
It's weird. It is weird.
It is weird to look at it. It's weird, right? Yeah.
How can you see yours? Well, you have a mirror, right? Yeah. You don't just lay there in front of the mirror and just look at it or no? No.
That's what you do if you had one. When I put something like, you know, something in there, you know? Like what? Okay.
Acne. Okay.
She goes… Don't go too far. I'm not going too far.
I think you went too far, mom. I think you went too far, okay? So she's looked at it if there was acne.
Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Let's move on from it. I've seen it, but she's… Why did I see it? I hear you went too far, okay? So she's looked at if there was acne.
Sure. Yeah, yeah.
Let's move on from it. Anyway, she was...
I know you're right, you're right, right. Did you say banana? What was that, banana? She's like, why would I look at my own? Yeah, why would we look at her own? And you're absolutely right.
That's a good point, Mark. That's a very good question.
Why would you look at her own? Anyway, I don't know why... So me and Mark Babbitt, we said, pull it back up to the lady.
No. And she left.
She was super sad. Well, yeah.
But it was like, not just green. It was like, the hue was like a, you know how like in the Incredible Hulk mid transition, it was like kind of grayish green.
All the skin, everything. It was like really bad.
Like almost fluorescent. Tints.
I didn't like it. No, thank you.
Anyway. We didn't have that experience last night at all.
No, but one lady was asked if she could use me prop and I said no thank you and then she put her sexual organs in Andrew's face. Right in my face.
And he said it smelled bad. She said who's my next victim? It smelled bad? It didn't.
I think she had been she had been working. She'd been working.
Long shift. Long shift.'s like World War II, Normandy.
Yeah, she was in the trenches. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There was a couple of girls there that went on stage a few more times than they should have. Do you know what I mean by that? Yeah.
Where you're like, you already got yours, dude. Let some of the movies.
Mom, how do you feel about the Japanese? Oh, boy. Oh, Mom.
How do you feel about the Japanese? Do you have any Japanese friends? No. Chinese friends? No.
Korean friends? Oh, yeah. Are you going to therapy still? No.
No more therapy. I don't need it.
You don't need it. I'm a normal person.
You're a normal person. You're a normal person.
Yeah, you're a pretty normal person. I said, well, I have to pay $110.
You were paying. Yeah, we paid.
Oh, paid. Okay.
And she sent me, you know, like a text message. And you don't like it? No, no, no.
It's okay. She said, how are you? You only went one time? I thought you said you were going to go up.
I said, I wasn't feeling good. You know, I have to lie to her.
Because I cannot tell her I don't have any problems. People have a problem, right? Yeah, yeah.
But I don't want a problem. You don't have any problems? No.
Not that kind of to talk to people. Oh, okay.
I can talk to myself at home. But mom, but can I ask you something? Growing up, there was a lot of trauma.
Well, I got over. What do you mean? I have a trauma.
So you don't have dreams about your little sister? Yeah, but that's not trauma. That is.
It is, mom. Well, she died and she was in my dream.
She died in front of you. Yeah, in the kayaks.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's not traumatic? Well, it was like 70 years ago.
Oh, okay. You know, I'm 80.
You're 80 now. And you happened when I was like 80.
She was like she's over my point is that even if I'm a 10 year old kid and I saw Steve get run over by a truck but I didn't see her that accident oh you came back down and then you saw no we went to school first and she followed us to school later because she woke up late oh she woke up late yeah so we didn't see her accident I guess that's a lesson you waking up on time good comedy universal dude no you wake up normal time yeah five in the afternoon yeah so mom in terms of the Japanese though you have normal resentment yeah let's get back to racism yeah no let's go let's move on no no the Japanese though, you have no more resentment. Yeah, let's get back to racism.

Yeah, let's go. Let's move on.

No, no, no. Japanese, he says you don't

like any Japanese people at all.

I didn't say that. He did.
He said that.

I never said that. I was just asking.

I didn't say I didn't like Japanese people.

I know, but you remember they oppressed us.

I know that the government.

Yeah, not people.

Just like in Godzilla minus one. That's right.
That's the exact same lesson. That's the same theme.
You're right, mom. It's the government, not people.
Yeah, not people. Whoa, dude.
Why did you say that growing up? You never said that shit growing up. You never asked.
Yeah, you would say crazy shit. You never asked.
I know. But that was very clever.
I mean, I'm sorry. You're right.
It's the government, not the people. Right.
Because when I see the Japanese, they're very nice. I love them.
I love them too. You know? Yeah.
But maybe their government isn't nice to Korea. Yeah, like Emperor Hirohito.
Yeah, they... Emperor Hirohito.
About 40 years. 40 years.
They took everything. They took rice.
Rice, trees.

They cut all the Korean trees

to make them

to war.

They took them down all Korean.

So they chopped down

the trees to make war.

To make war.

Yeah. And they labor.

Korean go there and labor. They labor.
Yeah. No pay.
No pay. No.
No rice? And even 여ja go there. Oh, 여ja.
Women. To do what? Changye.
Changye. What is it? Prostitute.
Oh. Well, it's all full circle.
It's all full circle. No pay.
No pay, okay.

Oh, so the prostitutes didn't get paid.

So back in the... Now that I won't stand for.

I won't stand that, yeah.

The trees I'm fine with.

The rice was fine.

Back in the day,

Japanese came to Korea.

They chopped down their trees

for some reason.

Well, because they take away their oxygen.

Oh, that's...

How cruel.

It's actually pretty clever.

How cruel.

Japanese, man.

They're so smart.

That's wild.

Yeah. You're Emperor Hito.
I'm like a... Cut them off where they breed.
Emperor Hito, what do you mean? What are you implying? Choke them out. I know, but how do we do that? We're about to trees.
You are genius, Emperor Hito. Can you you imagine what a roundabout way

to try to kill people

is to rip out trees.

Trees,

well,

that's crazy.

That's insane.

Yeah,

yeah.

Then after that,

Korean War broken.

Everything,

you know,

everything destroyed.

You saw it all.

No,

no,

no trees.

No trees.

No house.

No house.

And how old were you

when that happened?

What?

How old were you? I was like seven years. No house.
And how old were you when that happened? What?

How old were you?

I was like seven years old.

Wow. And I remember exactly, you know.

All the stuff.

Oh, yeah.

That really never forget.

You never forget.

So that's maybe trauma.

Yeah, that's a trauma.

That's real trauma.

Yeah, that's a trauma.

To me, you know, that was really the best bad memory.

Right.

To you what?

I want to talk to you. Yeah, do you look at him still? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that was trauma. Oh, but that's not bad memory to me.
I have a really not bad memory. No.
I remember what happened. Mom, mom, did you see dead bodies? Huh? Did you see dead people in the queer world? Oh, yeah, streets.
On the street. How many? Many, many, many.
And that's no big deal? Because we live in the mountain. I remember the mountain.
Yeah. Oh, okay.
This was the original concept of the Sixth Sense. What do you mean? She saw dead people.
She does stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That was a success. She said she saw thousands of dead people bodies,

but that's not fine.

But it's no big deal.

No big deal.

Yeah, well.

Seven years ago.

It's a war.

It's a war? What do you expect?

What do you expect?

Parties?

What?

Party?

A party?

Yeah.

A war party.

Yeah.

By the way, imagine if a dictator was like,

it's war.

What do you expect?

Parties?

Dead people. Dead people.
Hunger people. Hunger people.
No food. What did you eat then as a kid? Like most...
Mom, look at me. No.
We. No, I don't eat.
No, no. I don't need any.
But you know people that eat dog? No, I don't lick. I don't like.
You don't lick? You don't lick dogs? No. No.
Oh, no. I never eat.
Did you eat dogs back then? Yeah. Dog.
Gay gogi. Some people eat.
You never ate gay gogi? No. Okay.
You can tell. You can tell she hasn't eaten dog? Yeah, you don't have it.
It's innocent. Yeah, you don't have it here.
It's innocent taste. No, no.
You can tell it. You can tell.
You can always tell. I didn't eat any meat when I was young.
No meat. Yeah, vegetarian.
Until like I came here. To America.
Yeah. You know.
Okay. How old were you when you moved to the United States? 24.
24. So've been here like almost 60 years old.
And my English... Is so good.
So good. No, it is.
It's not like Korean. I speak perfect Korean.
Well, your Korean is flawless, but your English is pretty good. It's better than his.
Fancy? Yeah, listen how bad his English is. My English is okay.
See, he's from Spain. Oh, hola.
Oh, yeah, there it is. There we go, there we go.
How are you? Very good. And how are you? And how are you? Yeah, I speak a little.
You do. A little.
That's his wife's nickname for him. Do you remember this song, mom? San.
San, Toki. Tokia.
Yeah, sing it. Rabbit.
You want to sing it? Yeah. They don't know.
Yeah, I want to sing it with you, right? San, Toki, Tokia. San, Toki, Tokia.
Odiro, odiro gainen ya. Kamchun, kamchun, dimun so.
Odiro gainen ya. I know, I know.
Thank you. I can't believe there hasn't been any Korean superstar musicians.
You don't think that's a good song? That's like, row, row, row your boat. Row, row your boat.
Right. And that's not really a Grammy award winning song, is it? Row, row, row your boat.
Gentry in the stream. Pretty good.
Yeah, good very merrily now this now this part's gonna be hard for both of you yeah you gotta go through right right to that one yeah anyway let's go back so last night um you went to strip club you lost all our money he owes us the red that kid with the hat he owes us 16 1600 give it to me give it to her give her give her the money i'll bring it home she's gonna bring it home yeah what's the consequences you asked yeah i'd like to know i mean cash only Cash only. Yeah, okay, yeah.
Cash only, bitch.

I think consequences

that you're just on...

You're on your last straw.

Are you meaning it right now?

Yeah, you're on the last straw.

You're on the last straw.

Like he is.

Carlos is the last straw.

You're on the last straw.

You fuck up one more time.

We're going to have to let you go.

And I'll tell you this.

I'm going to be real.

Yeah. Everywhere I go...
So don't you see? Don't you hear speaking Spanish? No, he doesn't speak English. Oh.
Yeah, yeah. Everywhere we go, they go, hey, women, men, cooler than you, harder working than you, more likable than you.
Yeah. Can we work for you guys? I'll do anything.
You get asked a lot. Right? You're ungrateful.
You lose our money. Yeah.
Right? At dinner last night, we probably spent thousands of dollars. A couple thousand dollars, yeah.
Right? Guess what he asked for in the beginning? Caviar. Caviar.
The guy asked for caviar. This kid right there in the red, he wants caviar

for dinner. No, it wasn't a joke.

It wasn't a joke. That was not a joke.

He was like this.

Oh, is he smoking?

No cigarette was in it.

That's how insane it is.

He had a monoclon.

He's like, caviar.

He goes, Bob, we can get caviar.

He didn't say, can we get. He said, we can get caviar.
He didn't say, can we get, right?

He said, we can get caviar.

And I said, I wanted it.

Yeah.

But what did I say?

No.

No.

Because you fucked it up.

By the way, if you didn't say anything, he would have got the caviar.

But then you said something and you expect the caviar.

And I made him finish everything.

He wanted tuna tartare and hamachi crudo.

So I made him eat it all.

And then when he was full and he said, I can't eat any more food. There was tomahawk steak left over from you guys.
I made him finish everything he wanted tuna tartare and hamachi crudo so i made him eat it eat it all and then when he was full and he said i can't eat any more food there was tomahawk steak left over from you guys i made him finish that too yeah because you have to finish you don't have a choice jesse you um don't come to vegas often this is your second time here yeah well i've i've been doing but open mics like not even on the strip like yeah and i well i headlined wise guys to shout out to paulie but this is the most fun i had on the strip. We had so much fun last night.
I'm sad that you weren't with us. You had to go to bed early.
I understand you got to get your sleep, but we had a great time. Well, I don't drink.
We weren't drinking. At some point, I was also hanging out with people.
I know, I get it. He's on his last straw.
Are you leaving? Where are you going? Yeah, please get out of here.

I don't want to look at your face anymore for a little while.

Oh my God.

Unbelievable.

He just deserves the world.

I know.

We give him so much.

He did Vegas, right?

He didn't spend a dime off his own money.

That is exactly correct.

The best way to do Vegas is to have everybody pay for everything for you.

That's right, right?

So this is our 200th episode.

It's pretty powerful.

If we're going to sit in it for a second,

it's pretty amazing.

We've done 200.

We did 200 episodes.

Let's be honest.

It's hard.

Yeah.

To constantly,

you know,

I mean,

it's hard,

but I think that we have a really good team.

And boy,

what a good combination,

me and Andrew.

It's true.

It is. It is.
It's a good combination. It's the best thing I've done in a very, very long time.
Same. You do bring riffraff.
I can't help it. It's like charity work.
I got to bring my boys around. I don't have a choice.
But I have to say to the fans, it's the greatest thing I think that's ever happened to me in show business. It is me too.
I've said that multiple times. I spent so long trying to find a real audience.
And I have audiences from different things I've done. But this is like, this fan base feels like they're going to be there for a very long time.
I hope so.

No, I know so.

I feel it.

I know.

And when I meet them in the streets, there's an immediate sort of like bonding I have.

I'm just saying, I'm so grateful for it.

You know, other things I've done have been good, but this has been amazing. And, you know, it's funny when this old guru told me a long time ago, can I tell you what an old guru told me? Tell me.
He goes, he goes, if you stay sober, he said to me, right? He said, all the things that you dream of, they're not going to happen. I go, okay.
If you stay sober? If you stay sober, why? He goes, what God's going to do is give you things that you're not going to expect and that are better. Right? And I go, oh.
And that's, it's been true. Zoc, doc.
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Whoa, whoa, what's going on there, bud? I don't know.
My neck hurts. Well, you know what to do.

What do I do?

ZocDoc.

Oh, yes.

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I went on a first date. Wait, what? Yeah.
I went to meet this guy and I really liked him and I got to the restaurant and he was with 10 other friends. And then he said, we're all going to a strip club.
And it was just like really awkward. And so I always thought of them negatively, but last night was so fun.
Oh, wait, here's the best part that she told me the story last night. How long did you still see that guy for after the first day? Three months.
So it obviously didn't matter. It didn't matter.
Clearly, it didn't really matter. Three more months after that, you still were like, maybe he'll change.
But I never went back to a strip club. This was like 10 years ago.
It was the first time that we busted that strip club cherry for her and for McCone for real. I can't look at women the same a good way yeah you respect them even more as acrobatic entities of athleticism these women were un-fucking-real i mean it was almost as if they got girls from cirque du soleil and they were like hey i know you love doing acrobatics do you mind money being thrown at you oh wow and they were like instead of a check can we just money thrown at you because you're so good? They're so good at the acrobatics.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Shocking.
There was a girl that could hit her legs above her head on the floor so hard, it shook the floor and it hurt my feet. Wow.
Like, stung my feet. Can I ask you something? Yeah.
If you were with your wife and she did that, is that sexy? I don't know why they would even need to do that. Well, if the setup was, was like that, like if I had a pole at my house with a stage.
Yeah. How funny if she came up to me and she was giving me rates and she's like, you want to dance? And I'm like, yeah.
And she's like two 50. I'm like, come on.
Your wife. And she turns around.
She's like, get this guy out of here. Get kicked out of my own house.
I'm just saying the things they do in the strip club isn't stuff that you would see in the bedroom. Okay, but here's the deal.
What's sexy about it is that it's like this naughty, ungettable fantasy world. It's like you're watching anime.
It's like it's not real. It's real, but it's not...
Oh, he's got a fart. What are you doing? What's the one? No, okay.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Do it, do it, do it.

No, no, no.

No, let her do it.

What I'm saying is all they have to do is just stand there like this.

No, no, no.

No.

That's not what they do.

They do a lot more.

No, that's all they have to do.

You know what it's like?

That's all they have to do.

It's like stand-up.

Oh, yeah.

You kept doing this last night.

You kept saying it's like stand-up.

Yeah, they got the host.

He's bringing them on.

They do their act.

And you watch and you're like, wow. But you're not going to go home and do your act to your friends.
See, exactly. No, she's right because she even said that there was three stages and she goes, so this is like the main room and that's like the belly room, she said to the small stage.
Oh, really? Yeah. And it was, you could tell they were working out over there.
Yeah, yeah. They were working out.
They were trying some of the tricks. Wow.
And by the way, the DJ is just like a host. Yes.
The DJ is a little middle host.

And then sometimes

there was two girls

that came at the same time

and she goes,

that's like the Scar Brothers.

Yeah, there was a duo.

There was a duo.

There was a twins?

Yeah.

Thank you.

I forgot about that.

They were just women

that looked a lot alike.

Oh, really?

Yeah, yeah.

She goes,

that's like the Scar Brothers.

I go, that's exactly,

this is just like standup.

All night she kept doing that.

It was very cute.

She kept going.

Wow.

I should have gone.

She goes,

this is just like standup.

Yeah.

Wow. Don't you guys feel like we're just funny strippers? We are funny strippers.
But it's also they're both in the same environment, you know, to drink minimum usually. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's really sad. What's going on? No, let her do your thing.
Do your iPad thing, baby. Do your iPad thing.
The last time we saw Bobby's mom, I'm Bobby mom. Had to do it.
Had to do it. The last time we saw Bob's mom, we were in Phoenix and the moment we got her in there, she got right on her iPad like this and she showed me she was downloading photos of BTS boys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's got to be 10,000.
I'm not even kidding. How many photos are in there of BTS boys? 45.
45,000. 45,000 photos.
45,000 photos You know what dude

I'm going to let her do

What she

She wants to do

I don't hurt anybody

You never hurt anybody

No

She would be a great dictator

For real

I know

I know

You should give her

Some dictator lines

You think she'd be

A good dictator

Yes

Yeah let's hear it

Let's give her a line

What's a line

The baker must

The baker

Just

Chop his head off

But don't set him on fire

Alright here we go. This is what you want me to say.
The baker... Repeat after me.
The baker? Baker? Yeah. Don't chop his head off.
Don't chop the cut off. Yeah.
No, no. The baker.
Baker. Yeah.

Chop his head off.

Chop the head off.

Don't set him on fire.

Don't set him on fire.

Can you do that on your own?

Go ahead.

No.

The baker.

Don't chop his head off.

Oh, no.

The baker.

Chop his head off.

Don't set him on fire.

Say it.

Go.

More aggressive. The baker.
The baker. Chop his head off.
Don't set him on fire. Say it.
Go.

What did you say?

The baker.

The baker.

Chop his head off.

Chop.

Chop off his head.

Yeah. Yeah.
There we go.

And don't set him on fire.

Don't set him on fire.

That's what you do. Do it now.

Okay.

I'm fine.

Say it now. Say it now.

Baker.

Yeah.

What did you say?

Don't chop.

Oh, don't.

Don't forget it.

Don't cut off his head. Yeah, yeah.
No, chop his head off. Cut off his baton and set on fire.
Yeah, that's good. This is the same as...
Yeah, yeah. This is the same one.
We should write it down. I think she can say it.
I want to find... I tell you, I think we got to start this one-on-one class over again.
I think that... What do you mean? We got to...
If you're going to do it, you got to really get her into it. You got to set the mood, set the character.
I mean, you were so quick. And you kept telling her the wrong thing to say every time.
What do you tell her? All right, you ready for a dictator phrase? Okay. Say, all the women, burn them alive.
Burn them alive. Burn them alive.
Burn them alive. Burn them alive.
So, okay, say that. Burn them alive.
That's good enough. That's a pretty good dictator.
This is also how Biden prepares for his. So good.
Same consistency. That's pretty good.
That very good yeah very i'd vote for you are you would you run for president in 20 would you run for president run for president would you want to be the president of the united states yeah no you'd never run that's why she'd be so good can i just can i grab this real quick this is concerning who's that uh no no no? This is concerning. Who's that? No, no, no.

Sorry.

This is concerning.

What is it?

She's got…

Show me.

Hamas.

Oh, yeah.

What's going on over there?

What's going on over here, mom?

Arab.

Arab.

I know, but talk in the mic.

Talk in the mic.

Is this Hamas?

He's very good looking. Yeah.
And it's somebody you've been, mom? Arab. I know, but talk in the mic.
Talk in the mic. Is this Hamas? He's very good looking.

Yeah.

And it's somebody

you've been talking to?

Oh my God.

Yeah.

He get out of,

kick out of the country.

Yeah.

Because they're afraid

every woman

going to fall for him.

Oh, right.

So many women

are throwing themselves.

So he can live his country.

Right.

And you think he's handsome?

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So he has to live in seclusion. He's handsome.
Right. But you think he's handsome.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So he has to live in seclusion.

He's handsome.

Right.

But what if he had a Brazil dick?

Huh?

Brazil penis.

He's more than that.

Oh, you like this better? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You don't like Brazil penis.

No, I didn't.

But what if he had one?

What if he had a big gochu?

No, I don't want to see that.

Oh, you want to see the penis?

No.

No, no.

You just want to shake hands and play chess or something?

Yeah.

Why does somebody ask a penis? All right. Okay, you want to see the penis? No.
No, no. You just want to shake hands and play chess or something? Yeah.
Why does this

not play as penis?

All right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, okay.

Lunatic.

Lunatic.

Me?

Yeah.

Yeah, sorry.

Hold on.

Okay.

We got to get her a bigger iPad.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right. There's going to be a different way of doing this.
100%. There's got to be a different way to do it.
Mom, what are you doing? Don't bother me. Don't bother her.
This is what she does all day. That's what's concerning to me.
She lives by herself. That's what you do all day.
What do you do that's so different? You play video games all day. How is that so different than this? That's true.
That's true. That's true.
What is the difference? That is true. Nothing.
There is no difference. Yeah.
This is fine. At least this is like exercising and engaging and fun.
Yeah. Yeah.
Because yours is a little too immersive. Right.
You go to the gym too. Yeah.
Yeah. She goes to the gym.
You go to the gym every day. You swim every day.
Once a week is a lot. Ask him how often he goes to the gym.
Never. Okay.

Yeah.

Thanks mom.

Well,

she is right though.

She is right.

Do you think we can get you on a workout plan for 2024?

We talked about it.

Are you really going to come through with it or no?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yep.

Good change subject.

I can feel that.

Yeah.

I don't want to talk about that.

You know,

why not?

Because I'm not going to do it.

Why?

Really?

What's concerning about you?

Do you have concerns of my health? Andreas? No, you look what's concerning about my health? Do you have concerns of my health?

Andreas?

No, you look very healthy.

How about you?

Do you have concerns?

It's weird because on paper, yes,

but I know you personally,

and you are so spiteful,

and you'd seem much younger than your age.

How about you guys?

No.

You think, Carlos, you're concerned? The Red Bull, yeah. Oh, Carlos.
Carlos, Mike. The pot.
Who's that? He's making. What? Who is this? Can we show who this is now to the group? Oh, a Korean chef.
No, but she goes... Pull the mic closer.
Mom, you have to talk on the mic. Oh, why? Because no one can hear you.
They don't have to. Oh, yeah.
So what is he doing? He's ceramic class in there. He's ceramic class, yeah.
They are making something. Yeah.
But like he's saying, what is this? Because he's doing bigger and bigger. Oh, yeah, yeah.
So you think it's a penis. It looks like a penis.
Yeah, it looks like a penis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you laughed at that's bigger and bigger. Oh, yeah, yeah.
So you think it's a penis.

It looks like a penis.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you laughed at that?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He's BTS.

He's BTS.

A big brat.

He's the oldest one.

He's oldest.

He's an army.

Mom, you know that she does that

every night in this fight.

No.

They are like a saint.

They're like saints.

They don't.

Mom, they do, Mom. They're like saints and priests.
They're like saints and priests They go after little boys They don't touch They don't touch their own She thinks that the BTS They're like angels They are Tell me they're not How would they not be angels We don't know what they do I think late at night When they're done performing They go eat dinner They pray And they go to bed and they don't know what they do, but there's no way that's insane to think that. I think late at night when they're done performing, they go eat dinner, they pray, and they go to bed.
And they don't go to party. They don't go to party, baby.
When they have a Grammy here. Yeah.
After that, they don't go to party. They go to a hotel and they do.
And they suck each other off. No.
They go to the hotel and they suck each other off. No, they talk with their friends.
Oh, really? Do they talk? What? Yeah, she doesn't. Mom, you...
Like in general, don't pay attention. I know, but we can't hear you.
And they're ruining the show. We can't hear you.
You don't know me. I'm here.
Okay, so pretend I'm not here. You don't know me.
Superstar. Honestly, this is the kind of superstar stuff that I strive to be be This is what I'm feeling Like childhood shit right now Like my throat

There we go

That's my favorite

Let's see

Oh my goodness

It's my favorite

She's like Elvis Presley

Yeah

I like Elvis Presley

Elvis

Elvis

Elvis

His lips like that

Oh yeah

Yeah your lip was crooked

That was something they had to fix

You are that good looking

If you lose your

You know

Stomach

If you lose your

Stomach

Yeah

I'll see you next time. lip was crooked.
That was something they had to fix. You are that good luck if you lose your, you know.

Stomach.

If you lose your,

Stomach.

Yeah.

Fat stomach.

Extra fat.

Yeah.

Exercise.

Exercise.

Yeah.

You are,

you have a young face.

You look like about Tony,

but this one doesn't go together.

Right.

What?

Your face and this doesn't match.

What's this mean?

No, what's this mean?

My stomach.

You think I'm fat?

Fat.

Yeah.

Okay.

Look at you.

You look like him.

Exactly.

Yeah, I know.

You do kind of have like an eldest.

You know why, mom?

Why?

Because that's fucking me.

Hey, hey.

Be nice. Be with me, guys.
She just said I'm fat. She speaks the truth.
You look like Song Hong Min. Okay.
You do kind of have the same Elvis pattern. When you were young, you looked like him.
And then, you know, when he got like bloated and ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches, you kind of look like that Elvis right now. The one that died on the toilet.

That's what she's saying.

I know what she's saying.

That's what she said.

It makes my throat sore.

It gets me flustered.

It does.

It gets me.

She makes me flustered.

Why?

And gets my emotions running.

He's sad now.

Now he's sad.

She doesn't care.

Look at her.

You get,

you take that from your mom though.

What?

Like the other day you said,

I look like a turtle. Oh, that's right.
Is that the same thing? Yeah it's kind of And then I get flushed You do that good You learn a special skill I learned that from my mom It makes you stronger Yeah No no being direct No being direct Oh I know mom Jonah What? You don't look like a turtle. No, I don't.

You look like Elvis Presley.

Thank you, mom.

You said that before.

Thank you so much.

She looks like a turtle.

I look like a turtle.

No.

What does she look like?

Women.

Okay.

She looks like a woman.

All the women.

What do I look like?

No.

Red hair.

Orangutan.

Yeah, orangutan.

Orangutan.

I heard it.

I know what she was saying.

That's what she means.

Yeah.

It's stuck on me. It's stuck on me.
Red hair know what she was saying. That's what she means.
Yeah. It's stuck on me.

It's stuck on me.

Red hair is forever red hair.

It's forever red hair.

Yeah. Yeah.

What am I going to do with it?

You know?

I'm trying my best.

Yeah.

That's your-

Am I ugly?

No.

Is he handsome?

No.

Mom.

Is he handsome?

You know-

Is he handsome?

His shape is-

Is he handsome?

You're top, mom.

Be nice. Why are you like muscling her? Because you don't talk about the thing.
Be nice. All right.
If I shave my beard, would I be handsome? Yeah, yeah. I'll get rid of it.
Because I don't like... You don't like beard? No.
Sheeper has beard. All right.
Well, because it's too strong. What about his facial hair? Do you like his facial hair? His face on his...
The mustache? Yeah. It looks nice? His one is okay.
That one's okay. And I like his long hair too.

He has beautiful long hair.

No, like when he was high school,

his hair is this long.

I know.

They used to pull on it.

And I say,

you know,

can you cut your hair?

No.

My ancestor has a,

man has a long hair.

Who said that?

I said that?

You said that.

I know.

Because yeah,

they have hair and bonded

and they have,

you know, yeah. Yeah, I told them, because in high school I had.
Because yeah, they have hair and bonded and they have, you know,

yeah.

Yeah,

I told them

because in high school

I had long hair

down to my ass.

4,000 years,

you know.

Yeah.

And I said,

our ancestors had long hair.

I said,

I cannot say nothing

because they're

He said nothing.

That's true.

He said nothing.

Your ancestors did have long hair.

Yeah.

And no trees.

He had beautiful long hair.

Beautiful.

He still has beautiful long hair.

So 200, huh? 200 episodes huh 200 episodes this is our 200th episode wow wow yeah it's a miracle it's a miracle huh straight from heaven I mean it is impressive 200 I know it's a lot I know and I'm glad you came out for this this is big Carlos Carlos you know Carlos is right there is right there. We exchange texts for three days.
Yeah, yeah. Three days? Yeah.
Whoa. Because he sent me an airplane ticket.
Yeah. He didn't say what airline.
Oh, he didn't say what airline. Carlos, you bought her a ticket.
It's an American airline or Southwest. You know, he says Southwest.
Right. But their color is American Airlines.

Right.

Idiot.

And he didn't know

where I can meet him.

Right.

He doesn't know much.

Yeah.

So I say,

I'm at the,

in a baggage claim.

Yeah.

He said,

I'm there too.

And he said,

one number,

I said two,

and he came right back.

He came right back.

But he's a good guy.

He's trying.

Oh, yeah. He's trying.
He holds me and, you know. He's a good guy.
He's trying. Oh, yeah.

He's trying.

He holds me and you know.

Wait, wait, wait.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back it up.

What did he say?

Hold.

He holds you?

How does he hold you?

He's pretty.

Nicely.

Nicely.

Yeah.

Very gentleman-like.

Gentleman-like.

Not hold like.

Oh, yeah.

Where's his hands at?

Where did you put your hands? On your butt? Back. Oh, no.
No. Right here.
Right here? Back. Yeah.
Okay. Watch your hands, bud.
Watch your hands, dude. Watch out.
Watch out! No butt, you know. No butt.
No butt. No butt.
Because he gets handsy with women. He grabs butts.
That's it. Yeah.

I'm going to hit him.

Yeah, you hit him.

I'd love to see that.

Yeah.

I'd love to see you hit him.

We've had a good time.

This has been the most confusing episode.

It's so confusing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I do want to say I wish Rudy could be here.

Me too.

Yeah, that would have been great.

She was taking her final.

For people that want to know,

she's in the middle of her finals

to complete her second year in college. Mm-hmm nuts And that's You know when she was in high school right? Yeah Isn't that crazy? It's crazy And she's She's grown up to be a good girl Yeah She is the best She really is Grown up to be a really And I'm so You know I have to say I I had a lot to do with it.
I think you had some to do with it for sure.

A lot.

Some,

a lot.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Some of principles,

values,

ethics,

ethics for sure.

A moral foundation,

moral fiber that you have.

Exactly.

And you need more fiber,

by the way,

we were talking about that earlier.

My mom saying that I was fat

really fucking threw me into a,

you're not fat.

I think she goes,

if I lost this,

I would look like BTS.

And that's not true.

We know that

because your weight isn't going to change your face and that's nuts. I mean, it'll change the way your face is structured.
You're not going to turn into Matt Reif. How funny.
If you did. Imagine if you lost 20 pounds and you became Asian Matt Reif.
What would I do? Somebody please make that image. Asian Matt Reife please asia matt rife matt rice matt rice

that's funny sushi matter all right um so i want to say uh i love you guys and let's take one quick minute bobby had a great little speech in the middle of the set that was very touching and meaningful we appreciate the fans so very much it's meant the world to us to be able to travel to see you guys

to come see us live.

I think 100,000 people

came and saw us. We appreciate the fans so very much.
It's meant the world to us to be able to travel, to see you guys, to come see us live.

I think 100,000 people came and saw us this year

or something like that.

It was pretty incredible.

That's incredible.

And we did a ton of cities

and we're going to do a ton of cities more.

And from the bottom of my heart,

it's been incredible.

And I hope we continue this journey for a long time.

And thank you for being a bad friend.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Thank you for being a bad friend.

I told you my Dice story here already,

right?

Andrew?

My Andrew Dice collector story?

No.

I've never told you that?

I don't think so.

I was working the back door at the comedy store,

my comedy store t-shirt.

I didn't know him.

And he walks in and he goes,

he goes,

hey,

Ching.

I go,

yeah.

Who's your name?

Ching. He just called me Ching.
Oh. Hey, Ching.
That's a good guess. I know, but he would go, I go, that's racist.
He would go, no, Ching, it's money. Oh, yeah, that's really good.
That was good. I didn't know him.
I was working the back tour. And I go, this is 1997, six.
He goes, let's go. I'm working the back tour.
I go, where are we going? He goes, Vegas. I go, I can't.
He goes, I already talked to them. You're going.
Whoa. So I go from literally working the back door.
What? Yeah. Into his car and we're driving to LAX.
Here's another interesting note. When we were at the gate, I remember I was so scared.
I didn't know him. He lit up a cigarette.
In the airport. At the gate.
Holy shit. And I go, excuse me, Mr.
Clay, you can't smoke. He was like, I can.
And I will. And then they were coming.
He goes, watch this. He put it on the ground.
He stomped on it. And he pointed at it.
And they're like, okay. Sounds like a nice guy.
Yeah, he's great. That sounds really nice.
That's where you learn some techniques. Uh-oh.
Looking for a fight mid-show. Looking for a fight mid-show.
He's looking for a fight mid-show. He literally pointed fingers.
Slow it down and look at me. I'm not mad.
Go ahead. Tell me what you were saying.
So that's where you learn some techniques. Learn what? About the cigarettes and how to...
Honestly, dude, I didn't know that you're not allowed to smoke here. I know.
Right? You know that at a gate, at an airport, a real cigarette... Also, this isn't a cigarette.
When people complain about vape vipers... Vape vipers.
Vape vipers, I mean. Vapers? Vapers? It's not the same.
That was our little gay gang. I smoked this on the plane.
No one does a fuck. It's not like a cigarette.
You know, that's okay. So anyway.
I wanted to transition real fast. You have penny loafers on? I didn't even notice you have cute little penny loafers on.
Yeah. Do you not put pennies in the loafers? What are those? You're wearing penny loafers.
You see those little slots of the tongue? That's for putting a penny in for good luck. And if you come on a hard time, at least you have a couple of scents in your shoes.
Like children wear those shoes.

They do, actually.

We used to wear those to church when we were kids.

And they hurt so much on your feet, don't they?

Is that why you're wearing four socks?

Yes.

I didn't learn that from Dice.

I'm a good guy.

So how was Vegas with Dice?

I want to know.

It gets crazier.

What happened?

So he goes, I go, where am I staying?

In my room.

No.

Yeah, yeah.

I have no bag, no toothbrush, nothing. No clothes.
Holy shit. I'm in Vegas for now days.
Right? And he goes, you're my good look charm. So we go to the Mirage.
Cha-ching. And he starts losing.
I have no money, by the way. He lost 100 grand in 30 minutes.
What was he playing? Blackjack. He would do $20,000 bets.
That seems foolish. I know.
Yeah. But he had his good luck.
I know. So check this out.
For the next 24 hours, he lost a half a million. Oh my God.
Okay. Then he goes, get back in the car.

Tells me to go back in the car.

I haven't eaten, slept, anything.

We fly back.

He doesn't talk to me for two more years.

Yeah, that makes sense.

You know why?

You were his good luck charm.

He's bad luck.

He told everyone.

Oh my God.

Oh my God.

First of all, hey dude.

I got to side with him.

I didn't even want to be there. I know, but you should have rubbed some of that chinese luck off of him or something i don't know he doesn't know i'm korean i know that's why you had to play just play it up but you can't play it when you i can't manifest chinese luck when you're korean i guess that's true yeah yeah but you are the golden pig we learned yesterday yeah yeah yeah but no no i'm a water pig i'm the year of the water pig he's year of the golden pig.
But then later, he changed it to Dice, changed it to, we only lost, I only lost a hundred grand. That was not true.
He lost so much that he had to do shows for Mirage for free, a couple of shows, I remember. He made a deal with them.
But my point is that and then no one talked to me for like two years because he was like, oh no, that guy's bad luck. I go, what the fuck? I didn't do anything.
That was crazy. That was my, one of my first introductions.
That was my second time in Vegas. The first time was with Pauly when I got passed.
So good things have happened here too. Yeah, that's really good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I turned 21 in Vegas.
That was a big deal for me. Yeah.
I turned 21 in Vegas. What'd you stay at Circus Circus? Where'd you go? We stayed at, where did I stay for my 21st? I think I stayed at the Luxor.
Oh, that's nice. No, it's not.
It's not? No, the pyramid. I've stayed there.
It's fun. The elevators go this way.
Fun is what you say when it's sad. It's fun.
It's fun. Yeah, no, it's very sad.
What happened that night? The rooms were all wet. I feel like I remember the room being wet when I walked in.
Yeah, like the air conditioning was like so old that I feel like it was moist.

The walls were wet.

Do you know what I mean by that?

It felt damp and dewy.

The building was sweating.

It was sweating.

It's a pyramid.

Yeah.

Well,

the sun's beating on it all day,

but I,

I've gambled.

We went to a little bit like,

um,

by the big Ferris wheel we went to,

there was like a nightclub there and it was outside and we're dancing.

And my dad handed me,

can't remember how much money he gave me a couple hundred bucks. Your dad was was there.
Yeah. Death.
No, my biological father, he was here and he gave me a couple hundred dollars. I gambled and I was winning and I was winning.
And then I almost got kicked out multiple times because I was being a loud mouth at the table and you can't be loud and rude. They ask you to leave if you start cussing and I'm winning and I'm winning.
And then like the moron I am, I take all my chips

and I go put it on red

and lost everything immediately, just like

this moron did. That's what I did

to him last night. He won twice.
I said, you

got to put it away. He went and gambled

again. And you lost it again.

And that's what you get. That's what Vegas