Salty Santa Comes Down Our Chimney ft. Stavros Halkias

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badfriends. You two are bad

friends. Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian

dude. You two are

disgusting. You two

are something. We're bad friends.

Santa Claus. Santa Claus.

E-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee-dee.

We're little Filipino elves. No.
Santa Claus. Santa Claus.
E is crazy, dude I was in Hawaii once, dude Yeah Aloha I was at an ABC store, Aloha Aloha And I heard Frosty the Snowman over the speakers. Aloha.
Wow. Frosty hates Hawaii.
Don't play that song. Why would he hate Hawaii? Because it's his enemy.
The environment is the worst environment Hawaii for a snowman. No, dude.
He's made of Teflon. He's not made of snow? No, dude.
He's Teflon Man? Teflon Man. I think he's made of snow.
I'm sorry to... Thank you so much, Dav.
He's made of snow. Really? Frosty the snow.
Even today? I think so. Even like post-Trump? You think he's still made of snow? Yeah, dude.
Still. Yeah, he can't just change who he is.
Yeah, that's right. You can't just change who you are.
You're born exactly how you are. Well, it's just like me could say, I'm in Iraq now.
I'm not. I'm human.
Right. Like for someone that's homophobic or racist, they can never change.
They're going to be that way forever. I'm that too.
Bad friends, welcome. Welcome back, Mary.
Our guest is beautiful, sexy Santa, Stavros. Hello, everyone.
Stav is the best, dude. I just want to also say before I get, I want to get over to it so I don't forget, I don't forget I don't forget Happy holidays to you Happy Hanukkah Happy Christmas Happy Chaka Khan I saw a movie last night Napoleon? No just check it out Oh my god it blew my mind It was awesome i've seen it too did it blow your mind it was i cry i got scared it's that good oh my god i was riveting go zero minus one did you get scared because it reminded you of your childhood when godzilla destroyed your village yeah i did did.
But he was a baby Godzilla. Oh, shit.
So he walked in. He warmed up.
And he went, to my dad. What was your favorite part? He fucked your dad? When he was a baby.
And then my dad in his penis, a blue light shot out. Because out of Godzilla's mouth.
Right. It was all electrified cum.

Whoa.

I know, dude.

That's crazy.

And then that's how I'm here.

How old was your favorite part of Godzilla?

Wait.

You think you got here?

You think Godzilla inseminated your dad's ass and you were born out of his ass?

Yeah, I did.

That's how it works.

But you just said you witnessed this.

I know.

I turned around when I came out.

Oh, wow.

Whoa. Yeah.
I turned around. I came out.
Oh, wow.

Yeah, I was in the list.

I turned around.

I go, wow, I'm here.

It happened that fast?

Yeah.

Wow.

I think therefore I am, Descartes.

Anyway, could I say something?

That's what I thought.

You're deep today. I'm good.

Awesome.

Let me say something about it.

I know we don't do movie reviews on the show.

I didn't know that.

It's not a movie review show.

We talk about movies all the time.

I know, but this time we're doing it too. Okay.
Okay. I want to say something.
All right. You've seen so many Godzilla movies, no? I haven't seen that many.
Well, how many Godzilla movies have you seen? I've seen two. I've seen a really old one and the newest one with fucking- Bryan Cranston? Bryan Cranston.
That's all I've seen is the original and this one. That's crazy.
The Bryan Cranston one. Yeah, the first one I saw and then the one that's new to us.
No, there's two other ones on top of that. But the first one that came back from- Yeah, the Bryan Cranston one.
Right. That was a very good one.
It was good. There was that one scene where everybody's got parachutes and they- Yeah.
Great scene. That's the coolest scene.
That's the first one, right? In Hawaii. Yeah.
Right, Hawaii. It was in Hawaii.
Yes. Anyway, may I finish my review, please god damn it I've seen all of them box office homo yeah I admit it and I'm not Bobby Lee the box office homo where you just come through I'm not saying not box office mojo just box office homo number one right this is the first Godzilla movie I've ever seen where the story is riveting you could take Godzilla out of it and it would be like a cool old school Miramax movie why didn't they then when you say old school Miramax you mean when Weinstein was running loose hell yeah dude when the.
When the Harvdog was at him. It feels like a rapist had his hands all over this thing.
It feels like... It doesn't rate vibes, do you? So it was the first movie where I was really moved by the story where I literally cried.
No. Yeah.
Really? Yeah, I was sitting next to Gene. Why did you cry? What made you cry? The ending.
It was so touching. Wow.
No spoilies. No spoilies.
I looked at Gene and Gene had tears in his eyes. Wow.
And I was crying too. And number two, it's the first Godzilla movie.
This is my last thing I'm going to say. Well, can I make a joke real quick? Go ahead.
When you guys cry. You know what? What shape comes out? What? Not a teardrop.
What shape comes out? It's like a line. It's just a line.
Yeah. Like lines come down.
Like Tetris pieces? Yeah. Alright, go ahead.
I thought you were going to say I cried joy because so many Japanese people died. Well, that's part of it.
Oh, yeah, it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Revenge. Revenge.
Okay, so. Godzilla's Korean.
Annyeonghaseyo, I'm good. That's awesome.
Yes, so. He is Korean.
Yeah, so this is the first Godzilla movie where I saw where I was literally scared of it. Okay, because I will say that.
The original one, what year would you say it was? 2014? What do you mean the original? The Bryan Cranston one. The newest of the series.
Yeah, 2014. Wait, wait, this is a series? It's not a fresh reboot? I guess, I mean, I don't know how to describe it.
You know what I'm trying to say. Here's what happened, all right? Please.
Hollywood is coming out with the Godzilla from the Cranston, right? Oh, right. They're going to do a sequel of that one.
It's already made. That couple.
Right. It's already made.
Right. That's so weird.
But Japan went, oh, ee, could we do one too? Right, right, right. And Hollywood's like, wow, go get it.
You created it, so go ahead. And, okay, but we only gonna use a $15 million to do.
Really? It's a $100 million movie looking $15 million movie. Get the fuck out of here.
Really? Yeah. $15 million? $15 million.
And I'm telling you, dude, when Godzilla's chasing things and when he appears, you get scared. You're like, sick.
You have that feeling of fear. Because that other one did not Godzilla was awful, dude.
The movie was good, but Godzilla itself was whack. They did it like Jurassic Park, kind of like this is a T-Rex.
Right. It just didn't look cool.
I don't like the idea that Godzilla has relationships with humans. He was barely in the movie.
That Godzilla was... because they needed to keep it like that you know they try to do that like the jaws thing was like what if we only show it when we need to and then when they showed it you were so unimpressed you're like maybe you shouldn't have showed it yeah it would have been rad if i almost never saw it yeah but in the new one is godzilla played by a human yeah like in the in the hollywood version of godzilla godzilla is like, he'll identify something, like a little girl.
Yeah. It'll like, you know, go, hello or whatever, right? But this Godzilla is like this beast.
It doesn't have, you know what I mean, empathy or it's just like a crazy. It's just a being.
It's a being. Huh? Makes sense.
Yeah. He's also not eating people.
He's just using his mouth to rip them apart. Whoa.
God, dude. It take his microphone i know i know what'd you say i didn't even know it's like a dinosaur it's like a dinosaur so how are you italian yeah it's like a dinosaur yeah i love it so anyway um i would give this movie a you heard it here from box Office Homo.
A. Whoa, dude.
You gave it an A? It was. A flat A.
When you watch a movie like El Mariachi, you know how that was made for $10,000? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. And you watch the execution and you go, wow, you can make a movie for 10 grand.
You can't, but. You can.
You cannot. I mean, they did.
Yeah. Yeah, but you can't.
Robert Rodriguez? This is like an anomaly. You can't do that.
You can't even find a rental equipment for fucking $10. No, what Robert Rodriguez is is one shot, one take, let's move on.
I know, dude. He does everything.
But you know, and by the way, you know what that really means is that everyone got screwed. Oh, no one got paid.
That's the worst. There's no residuals.
Like, no editors, no one got paid. Yeah, Mexican's like, I got one pacer this year from fucking a mariachi.

Did you see what he gave us?

He just does plane flyovers.

Smart.

Yeah.

But yeah, it was great, and I really highly encourage.

You saw it?

What did you rate it?

I think it was one of the best ones I've seen.

It's the best Godzilla movie I've ever seen.

Oh.

Okay.

I'll say that right now.

I love it.

Yeah, yeah.

Well, let's welcome back, by the way.

Stavros.

Give him a round of applause.

Let's welcome Stav to the pod.

Yeah, we're talking about my nips.

The Greek god.

Hey, is our sexy sober reindeer right there?

Is this our sexy sober reindeer?

Hey, guys.

Hey, man.

How are you?

Yeah.

I'm doing all right.

Do you want to talk about anything?

Let's talk about it.

If you want to.

Well, can we let people know what happened first?

Well, that's what I just asked him.

Give it to Stavros.

First, give him the thing and then he'll say.

Tell Stavros.

No, I want him to tell the story.

Please.

About the airport?

Well, that's the story, wouldn't it be?

Yeah.

Well, there's the weekend before where, yeah, two.

Right.

But let's just get, let's cut the fat.

What happened at the airport?

Yeah.

Thank you.

So we were going, let me just do a pre and then he going to.

Go for it.

So here's, we're going to. Check out Fat Rascal on Netflix, by the way, folks.
Before we get too far. I just want to get to that before.
We fucking covered Godzilla for some reason. Yeah.
Ask me how I'm doing. All right, sorry.
Bobby just kind of launched into an unplanned solo movie review. That's pretty much this entire show.
Now this fucking guy did some at the airport. We're going to talk about that for 15 minutes.
Before we do that, check out Fat Rascal on Netflix. And then buy a calendar.
Buy a calendar. Yeah, show them a calendar.
The calendar is hot. I have it right here.
Go to the calendar. It's hot.
Please support the Fat Rascal, the Greek god himself. That's right.
But anyway, I apologize. No, don't.
Because you know what? We usually do cover that before the show starts, but you decided to change up the format, and I think that's smart. Nice.
Usually we don't try to plug people's shit in the middle of the show because it ruins it. Well, you did that on Tiger Belly, too.
I liked it. I liked it.
No, you should do that. But please go watch one of our closest, and I mean this if I'm going to be genuine, one of my favorite comedians to watch.
Genuinely, one of our closest friends. Go watch Fat Rascal on Netflix right now and share it and send it all over.
And now back to the sad, sober reindeer. So let me just do a pre, an epilogue.
Yeah. Yeah, pre-log.
Pre-log, I mean pre-log. What's epilogue at then? Pro-log.
At the end? Pre-log then. Probably.
All right. So anyway.
You could write his epilogue right now if you'd like. Yeah, yeah.
Stop. So we're going to, on the road, we're going to Wisconsin and Minnesota.
That's right, yeah. Right? I'm at the airport.
Right? I'm at my gate. Bright and early.
Bright and early. Ready to go.
Right? And then I get emergency texts saying, you know, something about paramedics and something about Carlos' dad you know what I mean throwing up blood and all this and I'm like I just get on the plane I don't care I'm like texting like what the fuck is going on and apparently he didn't make it and then you posted photos of you in a wheelchair in a wheelchair which is fucking gross but lunatic lunatic oh it's videotaping myself he's videotaping himself in the er that's crazy he's that guy you remember that girl that got covid that died of covid and she was like she was like one of the first people she would document the whole thing she's like not doing too well and she died this guy in a wheelchair being rolled around and he's got the phone up and he's like winking at the phone in the er they were not happy about that either they were like not me they did not want yeah they didn't want to be in your shit all right so explain what happened i was leaving uh tsa pre-check whoa you were this happened at the airport yeah yeah what the fuck exactly a week ago actually yeah um so i'm leaving tsa i'm starting to like get all bloody and like i'm starting to get light headed and stuff and i try and find a wall to like lean against damn dude and i fall into the wall and as i'm falling i throw up everywhere what the fuck lean against the wall and like i call you just heard your your husband died in vietnam you were like lose Say like say it again what really happened I never even got to lean against the wall I fell into it you just fell it's like that movie Contagion like a scene from that like something what the fuck puked all over the place yeah like someone slipped on my puke oh alright imagine running late to a fucking. And some asshole throws up and you go, what?

He's also at the club, right?

He's in the-

He's at the United Lounge or whatever?

The lounge where a lot of the rich people are.

Yeah.

To the Delta Lounge.

Delta Lounge.

They took me there.

They got me like bananas, stuff like that.

That's a way to get into the Delta Lounge, by the way.

Fake being sick.

Yeah.

Make yourself throw up.

They'll go get you-

They'll take you in there.

They wouldn't medically clear me to fly though. Wow did you do anything bad that morning? Were you a bad boy that morning? Maybe nights before What did you do? Just some drinkies Nothing else? No and the cops actually showed up and asked me about that If you were on something? Yeah they were like no diet pills And was like no diet pills well that's a comment about your weight yeah well that's a nice they could tell they're shredded yeah but like he weighs like 30 pounds it's insane they asked me if i was like on anything else and i was like no i'm afraid of fentanyl and like right i don't do coke anymore yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah something i did say this week to someone.
Saying too much. Yeah.
It was bad. They said I almost had a stroke and they took my blood pressure and it was like through the roof.
Do you think drugs and alcohol is connected to it? Be honest. Yes.
Okay. And so how are we, what are we doing now? Do we think? So now for a while I'm going to take a break.
No. This Wednesday.
He's ready for Vegas. Vegas this Wednesday you're back on Wednesday we're from Vegas right you're coming back on Wednesday I have my meeting at noon yeah you're going you're gonna go to the meeting I think it's time what kind of meeting is this sober oh wow a meeting you're going to wait so you were just so hung over you threw up at an airport Stavros this guy spent the what would be the entirety of this year on tour raging.
Really? And I mean raging. What's his job? What do you do on tour? That's a very good question.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Explain it to us.
You're the one who was partying? Yeah, yeah. These are the fucking guys bringing everyone in? He's sober.
Plugging a couple microphones and then do fucking and then start doing fucking Jaeger shots.

That's fucking awesome.

Yeah, we need him around more because Stavros is

balancing out the cash. We pay this guy to come

on the road. I don't know.
He's a

producer on the show. Yeah, yeah.
How many producers?

He's a vital entity

but Bobby said to me, this is it. It's over.

It's done. I didn't say that.
You said that first.

What? Yeah, you were like, this is

it. I can give you the text.
I said, this has got to be the end. gotta be the end yeah and then I said yeah and you said I'll take him to rehab I mean I'll take him to the meetings well I mean it's only if you want I can't force you to go no no I'm forcing you to go do you wanna go this is like crazy to say but I was literally gonna like text you this week about this stuff but then at the the last second, I didn't.
You got to go. No, that was hard for me.
That's what happens. I wanted to reach out to you.
That's what happens when an addict embarrasses himself. He's like, yeah, I actually was just about to fix this.
Sorry I missed work. I got so fucked up.
I missed work, which I don't even do that much at anyway. Once I drink, things happen.
It's hard, it's hard for me to stop. Yeah.
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Rocketmoney.com slash badfriends. What did you do with McCone? The week before? Yeah, what'd you do? I sent you those.
Did you just text me? No, I sent it to you a few weeks ago. Oh, I mean, I ran through the hotel naked.
Show him. What the fuck? Show him.
Carlos blacked out and was in the hotel

just being a menace.

We share a room

and all these...

That's awesome.

So we make these two guys

share a room.

Right, right, right.

You have to.

And everybody else

gets their own room

except for these two guys.

And I will say this,

the beauty is

the stories that come about

from this thing.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also, by the way,

the boys know

we're going to Vegas

for our 200th episode.

Wow.

And they're also

sharing a room there.

Of course.

Yeah, they don't have... Oh, there he is.
Let's play the video. Full screen it, please.
He was going to bed. Pause it.
Hold on, hold on. Pause it.
Set the clip up. Go ahead.
Yeah. Wow, that's great.
He was laying down in his bed. Yeah.
Just screaming and muttering, and then I was like, alright, I'm gonna go down. There's still some people from the venue in the locker hanging out.
Sure, sure. That's baby Godzilla.
Remember I was gonna go to my dad? Baby Godzilla right there there That's the guy Who fucked your dad's ass He looks like an old Japanese guy right here I know Look at him Yeah Carlos Footsteps quickly running Down the hallway After me So he's chasing you Naked here Let's take a look Wow Giggling Go back to the room Go back to the room There he goes What the fuck Yeah I would have liked it See this is He was sober to do this Because he's covering his dick

But if he's truly drunk

He's going, this is performative

That's a very good song

You're a fucking detective, dude

Break this one down

You have to go to bed

Go to bed

Don't do it Go to bed He did, he hit it three times It didn't go off Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha these idiots I think I'm almost naked Aren't you looking for A new producer? Yeah I'm good Yeah, I'm good Do you ever fantasize about fear and loathing in Las Vegas? Like when I watch that movie, I go, I get that kind of mayhem and lunacy. It's a fantasy mind.
Do you have that? Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.
I'm sorry. So you're just getting fucked up at all these tour stops, running around naked.
Yeah. Are you, is there other ways you're embarrassing yourself? Are you trying to get pussy this are you are you failing at that you do a lot of things yeah and it i don't realize that they're crazy yeah the reality i want it's a surprise to me that it's crazy come on man your your hairline that's those are revelations for a man with a full hairline you how fucking old are you you know what i mean that? That's a 20 year old kid says that.
You're fucking old as shit. You look like shit.
You can't be drunk as fuck and be like, I don't even know. It's bad to pull my dick out at work.
And then like four drinks later, I'm nuts. Yeah, dude.
How many years have you been doing this? Well, I met him. I met him in AA.
They were sober together. What the fuck? 20 years ago, I was at a meeting.
I saw him. We him in AA they were sober together what the fuck 20 years ago I was at a meeting I saw him we became friends 20 years ago you had quit drinking 20 years ago and now you're like I don't even know what it's like to be drunk what the fuck are you talking about dude that's fucking ridiculous but I want to be serious real quick for a second okay what what what you have to do is you have to look ahead in your life and go if this lifestyle continues inevitably it's going to end up here right and hopefully you can nip it before it gets there because what what i'm seeing is a guy who's going to get there yeah i know right and when you get you get there, you might lose a lot.
I know. And you could lose your health.
You can lose a lot of things. This is literally the only job you're qualified for.
You are so fucked if these guys get tired of you. I know.
I'm aware of that. I'm aware of that.
Dude, you know what's crazy? He hit me and was like, I'm so sad I can't be there. I'm sorry.
And I was very supportive. I called you every day and I was like, hey man, I just want you to get healthy.
And he's like, no, I should be there. And then at some point I'm like, is this because you're not going to get paid because you're not coming? Is that what this is about? Yeah.
Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Wow. Yeah, that is.
No, you don't get paid.

No, he wants to get paid for the days he was off.

No, you don't get paid.

You go to the hospital, you don't get paid, man.

Yeah.

I wasn't asking for money.

I was just sad I wasn't there with my bros.

Hey.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the show's went fine without you.

I'm interested.

I think that, huh.

Yeah.

It was easier without him?

Yeah.

Yeah.

No problems and no one fucking diarrheaed on the poor bus? Wow. Wow.
So Wednesday, I'll see you Wednesday. I'm happy that you're leveling out.
I will say that. I told you, you said you feel better.
I'm glad you feel better. Yeah.
We need to get you to a good place before anything bad happens. What about Vegas? You're not going to Vegas.
Is he not allowed? No. You should be in timeout.
Yeah, you're in timeout. He's he's not going? no okay who's going? all of us but him okay yeah yeah yeah but that's not that's how life's gotta be we don't have a choice man am I wrong? what the fuck are we gonna do? you guys have been too lenient I don't even know this motherfucker and I know you've been too nice to them yeah see this is fucking crazy we need to stop us around for every for every episode.
Yeah, yeah. Because he knows the balance.
We're fucking up. You and I, we're letting too much slide.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course you are.
I know. I'm so drunk he misses work.
And you guys are like, hey, man, this is getting kind of weird. You're on notice, pal.
The hotel stuff was at four in the morning. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. This guy.
back. We should take this to Judge Joe Brown, one of those TV judge shows to see if he should...
Miss Pat. Miss Pat Show.
We should do this on Miss Pat Show. What's your case? I'll lose.
Yeah, you will lose. It's like what Bobby said.
I'm here because of the history. Here by the grace of Bob.
By the grace of Bob. By the grace of the Bob.
Yeah, that's nepotism at its finest. You want to talk about nepotism in Hollywood, this guy.
Sticking around. That's awesome.
But we love you. I'm happy that you're getting healthy.
Yes. Thank you.
Are you been working out? I mean, I'm eating well. Okay, that's not the same thing.
I'm eating sweet green. Okay.
Are you plugging sweet green right now? No, no, no. It's just healthy.
Yeah. You're eating salads? Yeah.
Okay. I'm sorry.
How did you... What is the history? Just quickly.
How did you guys meet? Well, he did stand up. He used to do stand up.
Oh, okay. Okay.
I met him in AA. I met him in AA, and then I would see him at the comedy store.
He hung out with the same group.

Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

And then,

did he quit like a coward?

Yep.

Coward.

But they became a writer.

I would say his quitting

was very successful.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But then he worked with Apatow,

did some Apatow stuff

and then he's just around,

you know,

and then he got into the podcast

and now he's here.

But he's got,

you know,

that's how he has history.

That's cute.

The history is,

yeah,

he was a part of the comedy community and we knew it for years. You know, that's not that much to be honest with you i thought he like saved your life no this is an acquaintance from 10 years ago yeah he just gets to fucking he gets away with all this bullshit this is crazy let's go back to the holidays okay merry christmas but we love you we want to i do want to say that i love you and i'm just i want you to be good and feel feel good.
Thank you. Whatever that means, we need to get there.
Okay. I have a question for everybody.
Mm-hmm. May I? Please.
To change. Did you celebrate Christmas growing up, Stonfros? I did, of course.
And was it, the Greeks do that? The Greeks do it, yes. I mean, do they have different kind of like festivities that they do or no? No, pretty much.
I mean, we don't really give that much of a fuck about Christmas. New Year's is more people's.
That's when they give presents in Greece. But they give presents on New Year's in Greece.
But we're here. We're, you know.
But your mom didn't do that. They tried.
And we were like, come on, what the fuck? Just give us the fucking present. See, I kind of agree with the Greeks on this one.
I think all that bullshit from Christmas could go just at the end of the year and should be one big celebration yeah because here was my thing about Christmas as a kid like if anybody had a birthday in your family around it that was always fucking weird and annoying but that doesn't get solved if your birthday is on fucking December 31st yeah but no it's then you did all three things at once New Year's your birthday and Christmas sounds bad you don't like it no you got a space it's only because I don't believe in New Year's. When people are like, we're going out for New Year's, it's a thing.

Yeah.

After you did it one time as a young kid.

No, you need three.

You need three.

You need three.

Three?

Because at New Year's, if you get all the ones, you wouldn't just get socks.

Some people do just get socks.

I know, but I'm just saying, if I get socks for my birthday, I can tell my parents, I

go, for Christmas, this ain't happening.

Well, this is privilege.

Some people only can get socks, buddy.

Yeah.

So yeah.

To summarize.

Yes.

Yes.

You did it.

We did celebrate Christmas.

Yeah.

Everybody does.

Yeah.

You know the actor Richard Kind?

You know Richard Kind?

Oh, I love him.

Of course.

He's the man.

I saw him at a Christmas party last night and he comes up to me and I give him a big hug.

I love seeing him.

And I said, happy Hanukkah. It's the second day or whatever.
And he was like, oh, please. No, it's trash.
And I was like, why? What's wrong with Hanukkah? He goes, oh, you want to compare? Do you want to compare? A man dies and everybody celebrates that moment for the rest of time as the beginning of time for the rest of time. You celebrate this man.
A man comes in your house. You get gifts and people and party.
We were just counting the days left of oil. Yeah.
That's our holiday. And I was like, yeah, he was like, that's fun.
No, thank you. Merry Christmas.
I was like, all right. I believe Greeks were the villains in the Hanukkah story.
Really? I think it was Greeks versus like some kind of the Maccabees or some shit. The Maccabees? Is that a type of Jew? Is that a type of warrior Jew? Sounds like a sitcom on WM.
No, I swear to God. The Maccabees.
The Maccabees, yeah. I think that's- Sheila's in trouble again.
I think that's a style of ancient- The Maccabees? The Maccabees? Some Jew. Really? I believe so.
So Hanukkah stories, look this up, your literal only job. Yeah.
Look this up, Maccabee. The name Maccabee was a title of honor given to Judas, the son of Matthias, and the hero of the Jewish wars of independence, 168-164.
It's so funny when time went down. How fucking dope is that? It's going down.
They don't even know it. Later, that name Maccabees was extended to include his whole family, specifically Matthias' father, Judas' four brothers.
Okay. I think that's a type of Jew.
The Maccabees. A style of Jew.
Wow. A vibe of Jew.
But I do think they beat the Greeks, which I don't like. Did the Maccabees beat the Greeks? That's something we definitely need to know.
They got a bunch. No, they said they had a bunch of, the history is with the rebellions of the Jews, according to that.
The Maccabees destroyed Greek altars in the villages, forcibly circumc boys and drove Hellenized Jews off their land so dude honestly fuck the Maccabees no no no I agree I agree with random I agree with random circumcision no no no you gotta grab someone that you see if they have a little fucking a snout you gotta clip no dude fuck that as an adult you get circumcised that hurt? Of course. Bobby, if I cut your penis right now, would it hurt? If I'm in a hospital probably now, they put anesthesia afterwards.
No, no, no. Would it hurt if your penis got cut in any way, shape, or form? If they numbed it, no.
When the numbing goes away, would it hurt? Yes, it would. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so answer your own question. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're right, you're right. It's a penis.
What the fuck? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's still going to hurt that they clip your cock.
That's why they do it when you're a kid because you- It doesn't hurt then? Well, that's how the trauma starts. They say that's where all the trauma begins.
Oh, I see, I see. Right.
It's fucked up to do that to babies. It's crazy to cut a baby dick.
Just chilling, dude. Leave that baby's dick alone.
Leave the baby's dick alone. That's what I'm saying.
Fuck the Maccabees. Go watch Fat Rascal right now on Netflix leave that baby take it home random circumcision in the streets is insane to like grab people's kids and circumcise them wow yeah that's insane yeah it's pretty crazy and by the way you lost they were so good they circumcised all the boys and still won that's crazy good they were taking in the middle of a war you're just taking a little break to cut a little voice people off.
You're showing off. All right.
But be gentle and delicate. They got arrows.
And then Sandra Bullock shows up and puts it on our face. This is still good.
This is still good. That's lunacy.
I didn't know about the Maccabees, baby. I think so.
No, we just learned. Well, they fucked you guys up.
Well, you know, they did, unfortunately. Give us a piece of Greek Christmas tradition or holiday.
A song. Maybe sing us a Greek song.
What's a Greek tradition? A Greek tradition. For during the holiday season.
Is there some Greek shit that we need to know? Oh, I don't know. And I want to apologize.
My mom, you know I wanted to bring you cookies. Yeah know, I'm pissed off.
You didn't. My mom had her hip replaced and she was- Oh, really, dude? Cookies.
Did she get a new hip? Yeah. Then give me some new fucking cookies.
They're still- No, dude. The hip is still a little tender.
I talked about the treats that you brought from your mother on this show for weeks. Yeah, I'm sorry.
I liked it so much. It's going to have to wait.
day yes you did yeah you did dude we ate them in front of you ate we ate them on the show oh they were so good yeah they were really good yeah um but yeah i don't know that we have any like you guys don't do anything particular anything specific not really not really nothing like there's nothing super what do the koreans do do you guys do? Do you guys do... My parents didn't do shit.
Really? We got one tree when I was like six. That tree stood in our living room for four years.
It wasn't a plastic. It was one of those real trees.
So it died? So my mom would hang squid on it. Squid? To dry.
To dry. And socks.
To dry. And then and then one day i go no we'll never do again

we finally got it out and we never did it again the origin story of squid game was born

you want to go sock you got to get past the squid yeah you owe us money netflix and then my parents

would give just give us cash i told you that yeah the money that's the weirdest thing his parents

wouldn't give him gifts they would just hand him money that's crazy yeah and i would go get weed

yeah it's the best

by the way

speaking of

quick transition

I just saw

Thank you. I told you that.
Yeah, that's the weirdest thing. His parents wouldn't give him gifts.
They would just hand him money. That's crazy.
And I would go get weed. Yeah.
It's the best. By the way, speaking of quick transition, I just saw, you have to look this up.
That girl that won Squid Game, you know the woman? Oh, the- You know they did like a real Squid Game? Yes, yes, yes. They haven't paid her a dime.
What? There's a whole article about it. This woman says they didn't give her any of the money that she- Look at that.
Squid Game, the challenge winner says she hasn't received 4.56 million dollars 10 months after she won a calendar year almost she hasn't received a dime that's crazy for by the way 4.6 million and they didn't give her shit she's not getting shit why i think they're gonna fight this somehow and say something you could read in the article deeper about it but she says uh she's fighting for them to give her money on time i'm sure they've worked out some sort of deal in the contract where it's like we pay you over a certain amount of time there's no way they hand you a check for four fucking million bucks you go win on wheel of fortune or something like that yeah it's not like that either yeah they have to take out taxes and fees and all this bullshit you choose you want to get sucked off by vander white or you want the money i'd rather have pat all right i don't know did he i think he died no he died really yeah google pat sajak and if he passed away in hell right now i mean after after all the good god work he did on that show 77 years or no he's alive he's alive i'm so sorry man oh you know what i'm doing i'm it's it's it's it's no no it's what not for long now no no it's Not for long now. No, no, it's what's his name.
I know we kill people on the show. Do you know that? Dude, we do it.
We've done it like 10 times. What the fuck? I'm thinking of what's his name? Jeopardy.
That's my bad. Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's my bad. Pat Sajak.
That's a guy we've just been talking about. Oh.
Fuck. Bob Barker, Bob Barker.
Yeah, that's, he's also dead. Bob Barker's been dead as hell.
Yeah. No, dude, Jeopardy is fucking.
Trebek. Trebek.
Alex Trebek. R..I.P.
Dude if Pat Sajak dies now

I'm gonna be so fucking

Fucked up

I did that didn't I

Yeah

Let's talk about something

We want to die

Yeah exactly

Oh good good good

Yeah good good

Who do we want to die

Bobby's dad

Already

Already gone

He said your dad

How about Jeffrey Dahmer's dad

No

He died last week

Did he

Yeah

Aww

Alright P

God bless

God bless

What was his dad like

He was a good father Good like? He was a good father. Good guy, yeah.
Real good father. Dr.
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Wow.

I mean, dude, he showed up by his son's side, went to every trial, and did all that. Dude, if my son, would you ever talk to him again? What? If your son ate a bunch of black people, would you like visit him and stuff? Well, I'd want to know what they tasted like.
I mean, yeah. Well, yeah, for your, yeah.
But my point is, is that. No, I would.
Of course not. That's insane.
I would cut off all communication. I would.
Your son. I'd change my name and I would never.
I'd pretend like I never knew them. If I would pretend like that person never.
Because then everyone always points at you. Remember how crazy the Columbine lady was? The mother who was like.
She was Dylan's mom or one of the. Who? Which one? Sue.
Yeah, Sue Kle Sue Klebold she was like I don't remember her at all oh dude it was such a crazy story she was so adamant about like being the face and the representation of of like her son's legacy and she tried diligently to be like this has this is not us it's not on us right it gotta be on you dude it's the parent it's always gotta be it's actually video games in maryland man's yeah 100 right you remember that when they were like maryland man's is forcing kids and then he did and then he did some fucked up shit yeah years later kind of weinstein style guy you know yeah yeah turned out which is like one of the most, oh yeah, of course. Yeah, of course.
Oh, what were we thinking? A dungeon that he, women. Right.
I mean, he looks exactly like he would. That's who he is.
Yeah, like. I mean, there were signs like, you know, Jeffrey, you know, he had animal bones.
Back to Jeff. What's so funny? Big JD fan over here.
Really? It's so crazy. He had animal bones, you know what I mean? And bringing carcasses back.
What would you say to that? Your son. I'm your son.
Huh. And I have a bag.
Oh, and you have a bunch of animal bones? Well, I don't know. I'm coming out of the forest.
What's in the bag, little Bobby? Oh, my stepdad. Hi, John.
Hi, John. Hi, Dad.
Yeah, I'm just picking you up for the weekend. Yeah, yeah, I know.
What's up? What's in the bag, bud? Oh, just toys. John and I want to know what's in the bag.
Show us what's in the bag. No, toys.
My toys. Legos.
Show me right now. Hey, don't talk to him like that.
Ask him nicely. Yeah, John.
Thank you, John. Ask him nicely.
Let me tell you something, John. I let you fuck my wife.
You're not going to fuck myself. That's how it started.
That's how it started. This is why I'm fucked up.
First, it started a c cuck situation then I dicked her down so good she came over to me yeah yeah yeah yeah maybe if you fucking talked to him nice he wouldn't be fucking gay but now it's gay you're gay yeah yeah I'm gay I'm gay I caught him looking at my dick and licking his lips I licked his lips and his gay dick what he didn't lick my lips yeah yeah licked your lip sounds like he licked your lips John he licked my lips. And his gang dick.
What? He didn't lick my lips. Yeah, yeah.
I licked your lip. Sounds like he licked your lips, John.
I licked my lips. I'm calling Child Protective Services.
Anyway, see you guys later. All right.
We let him get away with it. The two dads fight.
That's how he kept getting away with murdering people. The two dads were fighting.
Yeah. Yeah, go back outside, little Bob.
What do you say? I would, you know what? I would take you on, I would take leave you somewhere. I would take you to the woods.
But no, you're right, Bob. The second he starts fucking killing animals, it's like, let's figure this out.
Let's figure it out. Yeah, you go to therapy.
They say the animal thing is the original thing that gets people, because they want to do something to humans, but they don't have the balls. So they do it to an animal thing, and if I can get away with this.
Yeah, yeah. It's like that documentary, Don't Fuck With Cats.
When that- Ah, it's so gross. I know, Luca Malala- Luca- I don't remember.
That's his name. When he was- The videos they showed in the documentary where he's torturing- No, it's- I can't watch it.
It's fucking wild. It's fucking wild, then.
Yeah. It's loopy that he recorded it.
It's weird when all these people record their crimes. That's got to be the weirdest part of all of it.
They just turn on a video camera. That's the guy, right? You might want to watch it.
What's his last name? Malaka or Luca? Luca Magliotta? Magnata. Magnata.
Yeah. He's dead, right? No, he's in prison.
Really? Yeah. They even killed that guy by now? Like I saw Derek Chauvin got stabbed again.
I know. On Black Friday.
Yeah. That's such a good day to do.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, if you're gonna do it.

Yeah, absolutely.

What does he get hurt?

What happens to him on Cyber Monday is the real question.

Somebody beats him with a keyboard.

Keyboard, yeah.

I mean, how does that happen?

iPhone shoved up Derek Chauvin's ass on Cyber Monday.

He's at lunch and he gets, how does that happen?

Well, I haven't been to prison,

but I imagine they coordinate the fuck out of it. But your dad gave bedtime stories.
Should I ring them up? When he came back. They usually stab them when they're in gen population.
Gen population. Yeah, if they're somewhere where there's others like eating lunch or out at the yard, that's usually when they get, but also I watch.
You've got stabbing opportunities. Well, I've watched these prison shows enough.
They do a lot of like when they're just in a common area, right? Depending on their level of being in trouble. I watched one of these max security prison ones.
They all, it's in an octagon and they sit in the middle of round tables and they're allowed to chill until they tell them, you know, back in the cell to hit the buzzer and then they go back in. So there's just a community chill time.
It's time to chill. Playing chat.
And that's stabbed opportunity. Because their cells are open.

So they can go get shit.

Go bring them in.

And also that's where I see them force people into the cell to like check them down.

Like you watch paperwork.

Yeah, you check their paperwork.

Right, check their paperwork. Make sure if they're a child molester or not.

So when they found out about Chauvin, you know every opportunity.

They couldn't wait to get to get to that.

Why is he even?

If I was him, I would just be in my cell the whole time.

I'd post him to my meals. I would have called Hillary Clinton to take me out.
Yeah. Oh, wow.
Well, she took on Epstein. I mean, fuck.
Oh, yeah, yeah. I would have called her and been like, Hilldog, you got to snap me one, bro.
Can the cameras turn off? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, but if you got to think, if you're Derek Chauvin, whatever the fuck his name is, you got to immediately just become a white supremacist in jail.
100%. It's like those guys are going to support you.
Yep. You're like a hero to them.
You got to shave the head, get the swastika immediately. That's the move.
I would get it before I went in. 100%.
Right on my face. The swastika right on my face.
You have to just be like, all right, well. You got to do it, dude.
I lost. I guess I got to stop pretending I wasn't racist.
You got me. I'll put the swastika on my head and I'm going to fucking jail.
Imagine Derek Chauvin going shopping before he goes away. He's on eBay looking for SSU.
He's like, let me get some cool vintage Nazi stuff. If I went to prison, there was no Asian gang.
Which gang do you think I should join? There is an Asian gang. But what's up there wasn't? Latino.
I show up. You have to be Mexican.
My first day. Mexican.
You think Mexican? Because some of our fans mistake you for Mexican. I've had a bunch of people be like, Bobby, you're not Mexican at all.
Really? You're some Mexican. Why, because I look like Chichmarin? You too, guys.
Yeah, yeah, yeah That's weird. So Mexican I go.
You 100% you can't go with the white. Where would you go? Where would I go? Not white.
Because you're not a white supremacist. They there's no way.
In prison I am. What the fuck are you talking about? There's there's.
Oh you're telling me the whites only have white supremacy group. Yeah.
What the fuck? There's not another group like a Christian group? Like a Christian gang? No. Do you think there's like a fucking kumbaya clique in prison? Yeah.
No, dude. There's gotta be a clique that's like not the violence.
You're either with the black gang, with the fucking white supremacists, or you're with the Mexican. So he's white supremacist too? No.
What is he? No, he's black. No, he's black.
Oh, he's black. As they say in the culture, he's invited to the cookout.
I'm invited to the cookout. Ah.
And I am on the outside, but the outside but on the inside gotta go with white supremacy and I go with the Mexican because of how pale I am they're gonna get me I would get fucking the tattoos on my eyeballs yeah oh wow what would they say what what would it say in your eyeballs no it's all one color what yes what are you talking about they get tattoos on their eyeballs and turn it into a specific color. What? Really? Eyeball tattoos.
Oh, shit. What the fuck? They look like demons, bro.
You know how much that hurts? Well, it's on your fucking eyeball. Yeah, yeah.
I imagine, dude. Taking out a contact irritates people.
Dude, that's loopy. They tattoo their fucking eyeballs? Eyeballs.
So the whites of their eyes, they change to different color. Yeah I would, my man yellow and I would look like I have jaundice.
Is that a baby? They didn't do it to a baby. No, it's a fat Filipino.
Wow, look at that. That's a baby.
Look at that. That sucks.
It's so crazy. Lunacy.
But the ones in the MS-13, some of them go blind because they do it wrong. The thing gets infected.
Oh, gang members accidentally. Giving themselves prison eyeball tattoos.
That goes wrong sometimes. Hey, dog.
Hey, hey, hey. Hey, did you sanitize? I don't want an infection player.
God damn. Yeah.
Aryan Brotherhood. Yeah, the Aryan Brotherhood.
The Nazi lowriders. Oh, I could be a part of the nazi lowriders give me some more give me some so the nazi lowriders even nazis do cultural appropriation yeah they're stealing lowriding they're nazi lowriders the public enemy number one is a white street gang dirty white boys oh there's a lot for me to choose from yeah dirty white boys i don't know if i'm a dw yeah i think you else? European kindred.
Too much. Too much narrative there.
Aryan circle, which is kind of tight if you've seen some of their stuff. Ooh, DMI, the dead man incorporated.
That sounds cool, dude. I like that because it says predominantly white, so there's maybe a little...
Yeah, see, that's the one I want to... Inclusive, it's inclusive.
Oh, in Baltimore. That's yours.
I think if I had to choose... Now, look, I would like to say that I could not have to join a white supremacist gang, but it would be nice to be able to do one that mixes it up a little bit.
I would like the Simon City Royals. That would be me.
Predominantly white street prison gang established in Chicago. So that's mine.
I'm a Simon City Royal. You're part of the Dead Man Incorporated.
Let's not claim that. I don't want these guys kind of- Oh yeah, I just realized.
In the comments- We're just saying- Yeah. If we want if we want if if we went oh my gosh i've just realized what we've done yeah we can't be like yeah we're actually in a gang no no we're not doing anything for it no okay so and bobby where's the asian gang can i just say something even listed when you guys go and join that white supremacy group you can change it from the inside yeah right if somebody says the n-word you go i'm african-american please you think there's a board what you think there's a board and they have meetings yeah and you could just slowly through time change well here you could be the asian boys fuck yeah also known as the abz's of the ab26 or abc crips that's fine that's here in southern california long wow founded in the 1980s to protect cambodian refugees cambod.
They're the most violent gangs in the world. Yeah, they're crazy.
Cambodians. Cambodia's crazy.
I mean, they got their shit fucked up. Yeah, Henry Kissinger in hell right now.
He's sucking on Hitler's dick as we did. Did we wish that one? Did we fuck off Kissinger on that show? Oh, yeah, yeah.
We did that, huh? Yeah. I mean, that piece of shit.
That's like just proof that there was no- Go ahead and say it. Yeah, I agree.
There was no God or anything good. It's like he's a war criminal that lived to a hundred and everybody just was like, everyone was like, yeah, he just gets, it was fat as shit.
It looked like shit. Yeah.
He got pussy too. Pol Pot.
Pol Pot. They let him live in a village.
Yeah. He had a bunch of wives, had kids.
He just died out his days. Yeah.
Yeah. He died chilling.
There's no karma. Every slave owner died an awesome life.
Yeah. They just got, they died like in a fucking, in a, in a, in a, in a breathable, in a breathable fabric, in a rocking chair, having a mint julep.
Oh yeah. There's no karma.
Well, I say goodbye to my land. Yeah.
This could be you, the tiny rascal gang. That's it.
I feel good. I feel good there.
Or simply just the rascals. The rascals.
The rascals. Predominantly ethnically Cambodian gang based in Long Beach,

California. Yeah, dude.

That's where I'm going to join.

We should close this by saying

we respect all of these gangs

and everyone in it and we want

no trouble. We are just

talking on a show here. That's right.

Fuck 12. The cops show the back guys.

Fuck 12 for sure. You guys are cool.

Stab shoving again.

Stab him again, baby. Let's make that motherfucker look like a pin cushion do you guys believe there's no car mlk day's coming up you did black friday now let's do mlk let's go baby he's back i don't think it's real i think i think portionally karma has its things i think it doles itself out in different ways.
Like in what way? No, if you're Pol Pot, you kill three and a half million people. There's no justice in the world.
You die your later days with pussy. Yep.
Yeah. And then what? Where's the karma? He stubs his toe real hard one time.
I see. I see.
No, I don't think there's like a, there is no such thing as like an eye for an eye. It's like that doesn't- What does karma mean then? There's no justice in the world.
Well, there's a karmatic, people believe in universal justice as if the universe is going to give you back what you did to it, good or bad. Potentially maybe in another life.
Maybe. Here, the sum of person's actions in this and previous states of existence viewed as deciding their fate in future existences.
Now, this is the part that I get hippy dippy on because I do believe we've done a thousand lives. I think you've lived a thousand lives.
I do think maybe your manifestation in this life is perhaps an amalgamation of what you did before. Doesn't mean if you were bad now, you're bad then, you're good now.
I just think all of these things collect together to make this thing and it'll happen again and again and again. Yeah, like if it's real, Pol Pot is a guy getting fucked in the ass in prison right now.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like that's- Ah.

Maybe it's almost like, it's like your Delta status.

It's like the year before, how many flights you took, it's like, oh, I'm platinum.

Yeah.

I was a really good guy.

I'm a platinum guy.

And then they change their policy and they're like, sorry, you're gold again.

Yeah.

What if that's the, what if karma works where it's like the reward is you get to be evil

one time?

like what if what if you spent

had a really awesome

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if you spent

like what if that's the what if karma works where it's like the reward is you get to be evil one time like what if whatever you spent had a really awesome life you did nothing but like charity and then it's like all right now you get to be fucking polpot kill whoever you want that's the so his evil is actually actually a reward for being good he worked in a soup kitchen for three lives in a row or something wow wow he's like a monk for three lives and for three lives. He was sweeping shit in the streets of London, you know, and he had to pick it up with his hands.
Yep. Yep.
Yep. Yeah.
Exactly. I heard about this.
This is the thing I heard about this, that New York elevated, you know, like elevated brownstones was because of all the fucking horse shit everywhere. Yeah.
And they didn't want to build houses at ground level for weather reasons. Right? And also for all the fucking shit in the streets.
They had to get their shit off their body and shoes because they walked through tons of shit. Whoa.
The horse just shit all over the place. That makes sense.
Yeah. And you go to New York now and there's no more horses shitting all over the place, but it still smells like it sometimes.
Now there's human shit. Yeah, human shit.
Yeah. It's unbelievable.
Yeah. I heard San Francisco's bad.
You know, listen- I haven't been there, but. I feel like people have been saying this for so long now.
They're like, oh, it's really bad. We went up there.
We were up in the Bay. Who? I had a good time.
I was up there doing shows. You went up.
We were up there. Weren't we in the Bay together? No, we never did.
Oh, we didn't. Oh, you skipped it.
I went up there by myself. I had a fight.
It's fine. I don't.
It doesn't feel like people. People sound like it's.
Yeah. like like the you know like the apocalyptic like it's like not there's homeless people there so same here over here yeah yeah it's the same chaos i didn't feel like it was as wild as people made it out to be yeah it was bad but it's not like yeah it's not like fucking people it's bad here yeah i guess we live in the shit so i'm right right wing people go look how bad la is and they they should take a photo of like the mission.
Right. Right? And this is LA.
It's like, bitch, that's not Beverly Hills. I mean, there's areas- This thing is huge.
Studio city, I mean- Although they did light our freeway on fire, which is impressive. Woo.
Do you not know this? No. They shut down the 10 freeway because a woman lit it on fire.
Oh, I saw a dead guy yesterday. Oh, give it up.
Let's give it up, you guys. Two days ago, me and Eugene saw a dead guy.
Where?

On Western. What, did you do anything?

No, we drove by. Oh, okay.

We caught traffic. Are you sure he's dead?

He was dead, dude. How do you know?

Because the paramedics, and they

just left him there. No one touched him.
Oh, good.

And he was just... There you go.

Are you... Paramedics were there?

Yeah. Oh, okay, okay.

Wait, wait, wait. Stop, stop, stop.
I thought you said... No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. Uh-oh.
Oh, okay, okay. Wait, wait, wait.
The paramedics left. Wait, wait, stop, stop, stop.

I thought you said-

No, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Uh-oh.

What's up, man?

Oh, no.

What happened?

No, dude, he wants to fight, you know.

You're questioning my story, or?

I was wondering, I thought-

What's up, bro?

What's good?

Shit.

Shit, I was just a member of the tiny Asian boy.

Am I being checked by a Cambodian right now?

What's the meaning of this, friend? just a follow up question. Yeah.
Yep. I take rescinded.
No, don't rescind it. Fight for your right.
Fight for your right to suck up. I don't care that much, honestly.
OK. I was just going to ask him to follow up.
How fucking dead was the guy? Was his head cut off? No, we just drove by. We just mean, Gene and I were like, I think he's dead.
And because no one touched him. I think people were like weeping.
Oh. Yeah, it was a whole thing.
I was walking home from a show in Hollywood Boulevard. I just, this just reminded me of so wild.
I was walking west on Hollywood and a woman came kind of like, like quickly up to me and was like, hey, can you come help me? And I was like, uh, what? You know, like any city, if you live in a city when someone's like,, can you help me? Oh yeah. Just had to let one fly.
So good. When you live in a city, when someone goes, can I help you? Always go maybe.
Yeah. What is it? Yeah.
And she's like, this man, this man, something's wrong. And there's an apartment complex right there.
And there's a little like inlet where the gate would be to go to the garage. You know what I'm talking about when you go there? Yep.
And she's like, please come, come. And I go over there and she looks like well to do so i was like what is this she doesn't she must not know this guy and this dude was clearly overdosing or something of that i mean dude he it was real bad damn he was whiter than me and he was just like oh and i could tell he was like choked up and he was like super out of it and he was od'ing so of course i'm like put him out of his misery yeah i kicked him in.
I mean, what are you going to do, dude? You're running late. Dude, I immediately, I was like, did you call the cops? And she was like, no.
I'm like, what the fuck are you waiting? Call the fucking, call the ambulance. And she's like, okay, okay.
She was panicked. And I was like, do you know this man? She's like, no, I live here and I saw him.
I was like, get out of here. I'll do it.
And I called him. You called him? Yes.
And you stayed? No. Yeah.
Oh. Dude, I had a thing to go through oh I see no I stayed there until a crowd fucking formed he was pitching a game on the Roku channel he couldn't fucking stay yeah I had a tubi pitch later that day wow no I know until a crowd started to form around people were all like standing there you know doing that you know that's what's funny about when something bad and then everyone crowds around who will do nothing to help.

Yeah.

But they're just want to stare at them.

So a crowd gathered and I literally started to walk home.

I was like, fuck this.

I mean, the cops.

Oh, once the crowd gathers.

What am I going to do?

Yeah.

Also, the cops are going to come or they're not going to come.

And in LA, they're not going to come.

They're not coming.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I've been, I've been, my car's been broken into.

My wife's been robbed, like, like pushed down to the ground, robbed.

The cops have never come once.

Not even come.

I've called the cops.

I hit a guy with my car.

I told that story on this show.

I hit a man with my fucking vehicle.

Cops never came.

Wow.

I waited there for two hours.

Two hours.

Cops never came.

Wow, wow, wow.

The guy left, by the way.

The guy I hit with my car.

I was like, ah, fuck it.

No, he was,

I told the story.

It was wild though.

He was, they were fucked up. Like I tell they were on some shit.
He had a backpack and his boy was like, let's go.. I was like, ah, fuck it.
No, he was, I told the story. It was wild though.
He was, they were fucked up.

Like I tell they were on some shit.

He had a backpack and his boy was like, let's go.

And I'm like, dude, give me your information.

And he's like, get the fuck out of here, man.

Leave me alone.

And I'm like, bro, if you, if something happens, what if you have a brain bleed, you die.

I'm fucked.

Right.

Because you're gone.

And it's as if I left the scene.

Right.

I stayed there, stayed there, stayed there.

Cops never came.

I called multiple times.

Wow.

We already said a unit is on its way, sir. That's what they said.
That's awesome. Dude stayed there, stayed there, stayed there.
Cops never came. I called multiple times.
Wow. We already said

a unit is on its way, sir.

That's what they said.

That's awesome, dude.

Dude, LA,

the cops aren't coming.

They're not coming.

Don't call them.

They're not coming.

You know where they are?

The Grove.

They're at the Grove, right.

Last night.

They're at the mall.

Six of them.

They're nice guys

and they talk to me.

I talk to them.

Yeah.

I had my coffee with them.

We're talking about them.

But I'm like,

why so many cops?

He's like,

well, you know,

Apple store.

Yeah, people are robbing Apple store. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I guess that's happening now. People are just...
Oh, the mob? talking about yeah but i'm like why so many cobs he's like well you know apple store yeah they'll

rob people rob an apple store yeah yeah i mean i guess that's happening now that like people just

oh the mob mob robbing yeah groups of people are coming and just carrying shit out been going on

dude smash and grab grab in la i think it hits the news every fucking day it's go to go to the

news go to the news there's we still have community in this in this country yeah this is nice they're

at least they like gathering that's also like even, even when people like watch, like some guy passed out, people milling around, as useless as it is, it's like such a human thing. To like be near it? Just to be like in the village of some fucking like, you know what I mean? If somebody like fell down, if somebody got kicked in the head by a donkey, people would just mill around.
That would be what they do all day. Well, imagine, dude.
That's awesome. People- You have him just coming in here like he's the tennis ball boy.
Yes. Giving you a fresh vape.
Ha ha ha. By the way, mind you, he's had three vapes on his desk.
I want a different flavor. Unbelievable.
Anyway, yeah. No, but think about what you're saying is true in a very creepy way.
People would make an event out of going to like a public hanging or some shit. Right, right, right.
That was like a night out. Yeah.
Oh, back in the day. Yeah.
That was their Netflix. Yeah.
Yeah. Would you go? And when they hung someone, it went.
The Netflix got that sound. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, dude, you would get dressed up for this occasion. This was like a thing to go to do.
People would wear like their Sunday's best to go to these fucking things it's insane yeah and then by your friend get usually if i if i went if i was getting home i'm bringing popcorn i know i'm selling it popcorn here execution of a korean popcorn if i'm there right and i'm looking at you and you're just i'm smiling oh my god you would infuriate knowing Bobby and how fucking self involved he is if I was looking away for one second he'd be like hey watch me get hung watch me he would be so mad if I'm like I'm looking I'm tying my shoes watch me get fucking hung yeah yeah yeah not a good friend yeah

I mean what if people

weren't crying

like

just

dude I imagine

a lot of people didn't cry

I can imagine

okay who would not cry

I think

yeah I think Burt

Burt would laugh

he would laugh

yeah

okay I'm hung

give me Tom Segura

he'd pretend to cry

he would never show up

oh yeah he wouldn't be there

he's got shit going on

he wouldn't be there

alright who else

Theo

Theo would be there

but he would leave early

yeah

but he'd watch to cry he would never show up yeah oh yeah he wouldn't he's got shit going on he wouldn't be there all right who else theo uh theo would be there but he would leave early but he'd watch you get hung and the second you're dead he's out you know i gotta go yeah you gotta go yeah shit is wow all right um um whitney uh whitney would bring a bunch of dogs right to watch oh reverse the dogs eat you. Whoa.
Karma. Karma.

Karma.

That's karma, dude.

Karma.

Wow.

That's funny, dude.

Who else would be there?

Who else?

I would.

Who would come to your public execution? You know who would get too self-involved?

Rick Glassman.

At his own hanging?

Not my hanging.

Oh, yours.

Yeah, he'd be in the back, like, talking to people.

He'd be doing a bit. Oh, you think so? Yeah.
Yeah, he'd be doing a bit the entire time oh i i would think that he would be like you know i mean so um what happens to the body afterwards and trying to figure out the logistics of everything i'll tell you what i think rick would try rick would somehow finagle his way into convincing them to do it later what do you mean he'd be like listen listen this doesn't work for me like the light and the warm he would make them hang you later in the day oh that's good that's a friend you know he's very smart very smart and adam ray would dress up like one of the executioners in character right and accidentally have to execute no you would do his dr phil yeah he would do his dr phil i'm gonna hang you guys yeah a the execution. Wow.
You think there would be a lot on mine? Oh, yeah. You'd have them probably the most.
No, I don't think you, I think both of you would have good numbers. No, you'd.
No, you'd have the most. I think you would sell out too.
No, no. You wouldn't, you and I wouldn't sell out an execution.
No. You'd sell out an execution.
Absolutely. Imagine going to Ticketmaster to an execution and being like.
It'd be funny to watch you like flail around your little body. Oh, you think so?

I think so.

You think I'd have residual...

You would die funny.

You'd pull your dick out.

You think I would die funny?

You would.

I think you'd pull your dick out at the end.

Yeah.

All right.

He's hanging.

He's like, you get a pube shot.

You know what would actually be a serious power move?

Yeah.

Start jacking off while you're getting hung.

It's not an erotic asphyxiation.

Fuck you. It's not your own game.
It's not ironic asphyxiation. Fuck you.
Now you're okay.

Now you're okay and this feels awesome.

And then you fucking bust the sweetest

nut of all time. Because it's going to feel

sick. And then you die.

That's actually how you do it. You're chanting, now you

all are gay. Now you guys are gay.

You're watching that.

Fuck you.

That would be sick. I would purpose to do a funny face.
Right so I'm Hong Overdo it Right I want to get a laugh Yeah Yeah the classic tongue out like I'm da vi ma Or you know what would also be really good Paint two X's on your eyelids Ahead of time That's a funny bit. That's a funny bit.

That's a funny bit.

Oh, you know what you do?

Yeah.

You make it so that the moment you get hung,

your pants fall down.

Wow.

We got a lot of great ideas. You rig it so your pants fall down.

And you know what you're doing?

I'm going to do it with a slide whistle in the crowd.

Yeah, yeah.

Dude, how about when you get hung,

your pants fall down

And you're tucking

You're doing the mangina

I'd have enemies there too though I think

No you wouldn't

I would I've had a couple enemies

You have no enemies

There's a guy named Yoshi

He hates me

Who's this fucking guy

He just hates me

And um

You know Yoshi right

He hates me

He wants me dead

Okay

So he'd be there

What'd you do to him

I fucked up

So it is your fault

Yeah totally my fault Thank you. He just hates me.
And you know Yoshi, right? He hates me. He wants me dead.

Okay. So he'd be there.
What'd you do to him? I fucked up. So it is your fault.
Yeah, totally my fault. I fucked up bad.
I fucked up. Okay, then it is what it is.
Right? Who else? I can't say his name out loud. Luigi too? He would be there.
Yeah. Mario and Luigi was doing a Yoshi joke.
I do think a lot of times we should actually remove the microphone from up there. I think about that.
Like as good as we're doing is we're humming along. Well I let it go.
You shouldn't. I try to let that joke go.
Step on it. I just went through it.
Yeah. Yep.
And it just sort of gave me a really bad vibe right now. Yeah.
God you fucked it up up, dude. Mario and Luigi there too.
Carlos, what did I send you? Did I send you something yesterday? Yeah, you sent me a bunch of stuff. I want to make amends to Yoshi if I could now.
Please do, yeah. No, this is not that.
That's funny. We can show them that.
Oh, this is great though. Can I make amends real quick? Please, I would love for you to hear while you make amends.
Okay, so this this is why yoshi hates me a long time ago i was on a friend of ours podcast and he goes he compared me to yoshi sorry he compared this my friend compared to the real guy yoshi the real guy yoshi a comic like we're at the same level or something so i defended myself like i'm much funnier than him he's not even a real you know i mean i said something like that right you know exactly what i know what i said right and then his brother found out and i was like i didn't even mean to say that i just said it out of defense or whatever also to your credit they just picked a different asian guy right exactly if they just picked the fattest comic thing you and they're like yeah you stop you're like him right yeah yeah yeah yeah and so like john panett so i found out he he was really hurt by it and i didn't even mean it so i'm just sorry dude but he every time i see him he just literally just stares at me like he's gonna kill me i don't i've never i don't know this guy do i know who this is i feel like yeah he's he's uh he's friends with brody yeah he was friends with brody yeah anyway um thanks carlos thanks carlos Yeah's like bringing up one of our dead friends what's Shaquille doing the guy hold on that's the kind of behavior you guys gotta listen he brings this to the table now that you're sober I assume you'd throw something fun out you bring up our dead friend well that's and that's how I knew Yoshi was he podcast with Brody that breaks my fucking heart well I almost I almost died and I'm here. Yeah, but you're here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like fucking didn't work, you know? All right, let's see what he says.
Akil O'Neill has been to every zoo in the world and they all have one thing in common. True story.
Yes. I promise you.
I don't went to every zoo in the world. I went to every zoo in the world.
You have not been to every zoo in the world. I've been to every zoo in the world.
Okay.

And every time I go to a gorilla section, they look at me like, hey, man, where your fur at?

No, for real.

For real.

That's how they look at me.

And then they also look at me like, hey, what am I doing in here and you out there?

And they always look at me like, wow.

That's awesome.

Wow. Shaq posted this clip.

For proof.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

That's awesome.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow. Thank you.
That's awesome. Shaq posted this clip for proof.
Since Shaq felt his co-hosts didn't believe his story, he called the director of the Miami Zoo personally to validate his claim. This is nuts.
No, but y'all don't believe me, so I want to call my guy guy from the zoo. This is Ron McGill, the director of Miami Zoo.
Tell him what happens when I walk by the gorilla exhibit. He gets intimidated, and he looks at Shaq and thinks that Shaq's going to take away his girls.
No, it's just possible. He's anything, Shaq! Shaq also shared a similar story while on the Impulsive podcast.
I'll go to him and I'll mess with them and they all come to the glass and they all do this.

Every zoo in the world, they just go crazy, just go to the glass and go.

Wow.

I mean, it's insane.

It's insane.

It's insane that he keeps telling this story. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, why are you retelling this story? It's fun. It is insane, though.
It's fun. It's one of those things where it's like, like, it would make a racist person really happy.
That's what I'm saying, though. He's baiting racists.
Yeah. He's like baiting people to be like, see? How much a white person enjoys that story is a good barometer of how racist he is.
Yes, 100%. If they're smiling, wave.
They're like, ah, yes. If you like smile like, oh, that's pretty funny.
Then you're good. I can see this as a bit on Gutfeld on Fox.
Absolutely. Them being like, told you so.
Welcome back to told you so. On this section of told you so.
I love that. Shaqq goes to every zoo this is why I like Shaq though

the guy knows how to fucking

take a piss out of himself

better than anybody

from the

like the athlete world

yeah

he like most athletes

are too cool for

like Deion Sanders

yeah

he won't get any dirt on his shoes

you know he's like

nah fuck that

I'm a shit

we might get into his

wound

and affect his foot even further yeah I think we can get him on here. Shaq? Yeah.
I would kill to have Shaq on. Because he's done Bobby Althoff.
Yeah. He's done now Impulsive.
Yeah. I think he could do us.
I mean, you mean you think we could get him? I think we, yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What did I just say? I think he could do us.
I think we could get him. Why did I say that? Let's end this the way that we really should end it, by giving Stavros the platform to say whatever he wants at the end to wrap this whole thing up.
Oh, wow. Go ahead.
Thank you so much. I just want to say, everyone, please watch Fat Rascal on Netflix.
Please buy a calendar. If you're a sexy black guy, hit up Bobby.
He's trying to get in there. He's trying to dip his toe.

You know what I mean?

If you're like a Tyrese style black guy.

Loves it.

You know?

He loves that shit.

Hit up Bobby, get in his DMs,

take him out for, I don't know, dancing.

Take him out dancing.

And then you guys can kiss in your,

maybe like a Mercedes.

You gotta be a classy guy.

How's that sound, Bob? Good. Thank you for being like a Mercedes.
You got to be a classy guy. How's that sound, Bob?

Good.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Woo-hoo! Yeah!

Woo-hoo!