Monkey Farts & Asian Fetish

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 Probably you two or something. We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 Welcome, welcome. And listen, last night,

Speaker 1 Andrew was on fire.

Speaker 1 We did Adam Ray's show. Yeah.
He was on, he was so quick.

Speaker 1 It was like, oh, I want to tell that. But he beat me to it.
We had a couple of good jokes.

Speaker 1 And you did. Adam Ray did a.
He's always quick, Andrew. Dr.
Phil. Oh, my God, dude.
He's already starting with you, right? You know what, dude? He is. He's quicker than me.
I'm slow, dude.

Speaker 1 No, you're not. Slow burn, dude.
I'm just starting shit. I'm speeding it up.
And I will see. You know what, dude? One day, dude, I'm going to be the champ of speeding it up.

Speaker 1 You'll see. Let's introduce our guest.
Not yet. No, please not yet.
Let's let him sit for another minute. Yeah, yeah, because

Speaker 1 he's been bothering me.

Speaker 1 Our guest?

Speaker 1 No, just he in general.

Speaker 1 You know? What's been going on? Well, over the years, you know, I've been seeing him around, right? And he,

Speaker 1 I feel like he gets offended easily and stuff. And like, he's just like, come on, Bob, and this and that.
But I love him as a performer. I really do.
I think he's just so interesting.

Speaker 1 What a vibe. You want to introduce him or you just want to leave it hanging like that? Do you want to

Speaker 1 Taylor Williamson? You do not know his name? I do. I just said it.
I got so nervous. Taylor Williamson.
Yeah, we couldn't get Taylor Tomlinson, but we got Taylor Williamson on the show.

Speaker 1 I said to get Tomlinson. Yeah, you said that is the wrong one.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It's a little too soon for that one.

Speaker 1 Is it too soon? Can I tell you?

Speaker 2 She's so talented. She is.

Speaker 2 We have nothing in common.

Speaker 1 Yeah. San Diego.

Speaker 1 But like, that's it.

Speaker 2 But, like, there's like a one-way rivalry I have with her because I get tagged every time she gets a Netflix special or she's she hosts a TV show. Congratulations, Taylor Comedy.

Speaker 2 And I'm like, I think you meant Taylor Tomlinson.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. I got brought up as her recently.
You know how they say

Speaker 1 dogs look like their owners? This one does not.

Speaker 1 To me, it does. Let me see.
His belly is like his head. Well, they both said, I asked you before the show, you both have the same

Speaker 1 trauma, right? What happened to the dog that happened to you?

Speaker 2 We both have abandonment issues and

Speaker 2 neglect. And

Speaker 2 we were both in a hoarding situation in a car with 20 dogs.

Speaker 1 Really? Really?

Speaker 2 Both of us, we grew up like that.

Speaker 1 And this is Betty.

Speaker 2 This is baby Betty.

Speaker 1 Baby Betty. And you knitted her sweater.

Speaker 2 I knitted this with my own hands.

Speaker 1 Is she on fentanyl? Why is she nodding off? Yeah, yeah. She's nodded off like four times already.

Speaker 2 She's honestly, don't take this the wrong way.

Speaker 1 Is she from Bakersfield?

Speaker 2 She's from Los Angeles area.

Speaker 1 I don't know where. So, yeah, Bakersfield.
Bakersfield, yeah.

Speaker 2 When she doesn't, when she's out vambunctious, I want her to sleep. I put on your show and she falls asleep very quickly.

Speaker 1 Okay. See what you're doing right now? Insult, insult does not.
See what you're doing right now? What happened? You don't do that.

Speaker 2 No, I'm a fan.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 I love how he tried to sandy. I love it.
It sounds inside of you that I love, dude.

Speaker 1 Keep doing it.

Speaker 2 So listen, so Bobby, Bobby, like, a couple of years ago,

Speaker 2 I see him in the hallway at the comedy store. Yeah.
And he's randomly very nice to me. Like, when I was 18 years old, he helped me.

Speaker 1 Can I just say one thing real quick?

Speaker 1 I just realized.

Speaker 1 You know, Hitler did that with his mustache, but he did it with his eyebrows. Oh, wow.
Wow. And it's really...

Speaker 2 Wow. Are you telling a Jewish guy that he has Hitler eyebrows?

Speaker 1 That you're comedy? That you're comedy during this time? Yeah, so anyway, go ahead.

Speaker 2 I still don't understand. You're saying that.

Speaker 1 It's obvious my eyebrows. They're just short.
I like it. Anyway, let's move on.

Speaker 2 These are natural.

Speaker 1 That's great. Those are natural eyebrows? Yeah.
Told you. Oh, you did? We had a bet.
I bet that before the show. I said, I bet you those are natural eyebrows.
There's no way you cut them that way.

Speaker 1 No, I said, those are natural. That's all natty, baby.
Yeah. Those are God-given.
Go ahead, sorry. Jewish, God-given, no less.
I know you were Jewish. We did not know you were Jewish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I didn't know you were Jewish. We would not have had you on the show.

Speaker 2 My mom told me to start mentioning it. It'll help my career these days, you know? Is that what you're saying? It'll help me get attacked.

Speaker 1 Say it how she would have said it, though. Say it how she.

Speaker 1 How does your mom say it? Hey, Taylor, you should say you're Jewish.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 She's shy? Is your mom your dad?

Speaker 2 Actually, a single mom, yeah, kind of.

Speaker 1 Oh, really?

Speaker 2 If I ever got punished, you would say I'm a mother and a father.

Speaker 1 You were abandoned? Yeah, a little bit. What happened to dad? He's around.

Speaker 2 We wish him well. He's a nice guy.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? What do you mean?

Speaker 2 He has a good LinkedIn profile.

Speaker 1 But he wasn't in the house when you.

Speaker 2 He was in his house. What does he do?

Speaker 2 He was an insurance agent. And then, yeah, no more of that.
But if you need insurance, you're.

Speaker 1 I don't think I'm going to look up for your dad. I want to support you, not your father.
And your father wasn't there for you, it sounds like.

Speaker 2 You know, with divorced parents, you know, you know, how old? Like a comedian. When I was really little, like a baby.

Speaker 1 One for me. Oh, yeah? Yeah, pre-one.
I think it it was just before I was one, they split. Oh, that's what you and I have in common.

Speaker 2 Oh, wow. There you go.
There's one thing.

Speaker 1 Just two

Speaker 1 divorced parents, children of divorced parents. With a puppy? I do have a dog, but my dog

Speaker 1 is not as aloof as yours. But she's more alive.
But your mom found another man. She did.
She found a great dog. Did your mom find another man? She did.
What's his name?

Speaker 2 David.

Speaker 1 If I thought he just made that. He was nervous to say it.
Well, I mean, it's just kind of weird.

Speaker 1 David.

Speaker 2 I don't know, it's just like we're giving out names.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we are. You can just make it up if you don't want to.
Yeah, yeah. But we're leaving that in.
Raphael? We're leaving that in now. Let's see what you want to do again.
We'll just cut that out.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's your mom's new guy's name? Name, name.

Speaker 2 Dave?

Speaker 1 No, you.

Speaker 1 God damn it, kid.

Speaker 1 He's not even a podcast in. It's different.
What kind of breed of dog is Betty?

Speaker 2 She is. Thank you for asking.

Speaker 2 She's a rescue. I'm a great person, you know?

Speaker 2 I did the DNA test. Allegedly, according to the thing, I said she's 50%.

Speaker 2 Do you want me to make guesses?

Speaker 1 Chihuahua, for sure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe a little bit of...

Speaker 1 I see some pit. Maybe some strong pit.
Some pit in there, dude. Maybe some American bulldog.
Yeah. Okay, so it's a Chihuahua

Speaker 1 Javanese right now. Chihuahua.

Speaker 2 Do you want to up close look?

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. From here is good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I feel like nothing's going to change.

Speaker 1 She's not a magic eye. It's just a dog.

Speaker 2 A magic eye?

Speaker 1 I don't need to get closer to see what the image is you don't know what a magic eye is is that those things and then uh you press the button and no look up magic eye magic eye was a thing that was like a scrambling of an image and if you got closer and pulled away slowly look there's magic eye if you got closer and you and you pulled away you got to see the image that was layered within that it's actually incredible technology do you remember magic eye well i is that the one where you look it's on glass and then you have to see through the glass and then the image is comes 3d

Speaker 1 I mean, I kind of just explained it seconds ago, but yeah. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, moments ago.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, if we could rewind in two seconds, that's it. It's different than what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 No, no, if you got close and as you slowly pull away, your eyes readjust, there is an image within that image. He's thinking.
But is it 3D, though? Well, dude, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, then. Because the ones that my mom has one, it says, I love New York.

Speaker 1 But she doesn't want people to really know, so they have to figure it out. Yeah, yeah, but it says, I love New York, but it's this thing, and she doesn't realize that she just thinks it's that.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's so.

Speaker 1 It's so beautiful, the color. I go, no, but it's a thing.

Speaker 1 It's good art, right? It is good art. And I stared at it, and I went away.
You see the buildings, and I love New York. And I go, Mom, look.

Speaker 1 No, it's red. It's good.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? So she doesn't. But so are we talking about the same thing? Yeah, when Asians do Magic Eye, do you have to get closer, you think?

Speaker 1 Or because your eyes are strained more often than ours, maybe you're not going to be a good person. Well, it's like longer.
I need a longer panoramic. Yeah, it's a panoramic.
A panoramic.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I need a panoramic, right? Panoramic.
Can I ask a question? No. No.
No.

Speaker 2 Is that true or are you being funny? Because I'm actually curious.

Speaker 1 This guy. This is fucking first time last time on the show.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you what this guy does?

Speaker 1 I'm fine with that. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 We love you,

Speaker 2 we love you, too. Can I tell you? So, this guy, when I was 18, he helped me get into comedy.
So it was a big deal for him.

Speaker 1 He helped you get in?

Speaker 2 Help me get in, you know? And he was very kind.

Speaker 2 But then

Speaker 2 once every three years, he comes up to me and says the sweetest, kindest thing, which means the world means I admire you so much as a comedian.

Speaker 2 But in between, he's weird to me the whole time.

Speaker 2 That's love.

Speaker 1 How am I to you?

Speaker 2 Be honest.

Speaker 1 Be honest.

Speaker 2 We don't talk that much, but you're always kind.

Speaker 1 I always say hi.

Speaker 2 We say hi. We have a kind exchange.
What did I touch?

Speaker 1 What did I touch?

Speaker 2 You touch my butt a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do touch your butt.

Speaker 2 A lot. And you've apologized for it, and then you do it again.

Speaker 1 I do it every time. Why do you touch his butt? Got a great little tush.
He does.

Speaker 1 You have a great little tush. Yeah.
Thank you. But it doesn't make you uncomfortable, but I do apologize because I go, he probably doesn't want me to touch his tush.

Speaker 1 But I do a little tip-tap as I go by in the hallway because it's a nice tush. You look like you come quick.
Oh, yeah. You come quick?

Speaker 2 No, actually.

Speaker 1 Are you sleeping? Whoa, whoa, wait, you last in bed?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm circumcised. I mean, I'm actually circumcised.
We're all that.

Speaker 1 We're all circumcised. What does that have to do with it?

Speaker 2 Like, I've talked to people about this. Isn't circumcised make it harder to?

Speaker 1 Well, they say if you've got the sleeve, it's more sensitive, but and you've been clipped, you have a helmet. We all have a helmet, buddy.
We're all

Speaker 1 in this.

Speaker 1 It's war. You need a helmet.
It's war. Wait, a helmet?

Speaker 2 Wait, I don't understand. A helmet, what is a helmet? Helmet means you're uncircumcised, no?

Speaker 1 Circumcised, man.

Speaker 2 Circumcised means you have a helmet?

Speaker 1 Well, doesn't it look like a helmet? I mean, what does your head of your penis look like?

Speaker 1 Should I look right now? No, no, no. Well, you can, yeah.
Are there two parts to it? Or is it a one-sided? Do you have a sleeve covering up the head of your penis?

Speaker 2 My penis is in one piece.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something. Does your dick look like this? Or does it look like this?

Speaker 2 I thought, I'm not kidding. I thought that was the helmet because it covers it.

Speaker 1 Buddy,

Speaker 1 this is the helmet when it's out in the open.

Speaker 1 This is if you got a cloak on, you have a sleeve. Yeah.
You're sleeved up. This is uncircumcised.
They got sleeves.

Speaker 2 But that's not the helmet?

Speaker 1 No, it's not.

Speaker 2 No, man. The helmet protects it from beginning hurts.

Speaker 1 It's a hoodie. It's a hoodie.
It's a hoodie. You know,

Speaker 1 Assassin's Creed?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's out slashing, slashing, right?

Speaker 1 And then when he's fucking, he takes it off. Helmet.
Helmet. I didn't know that.
Yeah, no, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Anyway, let this fuck.

Speaker 1 Let me just...

Speaker 2 Because the Gentiles have a helmet, too. It's just covered up by a hoodie.
So they take off the hoodie.

Speaker 1 But aren't Jewish people just... I don't know.
They circumcise. They do circumcise.
They do a bris. They do a bris.
So you're circumcised. I am.
You have a helmet.

Speaker 1 And you got brised in front of a bunch of people. You got your dick snipped in front of people, right? I didn't.
You didn't do an old school brisk they did at the hospital?

Speaker 2 Well, can I tell you something?

Speaker 2 Carlos told me what I should do to be a good guest.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a good guy to listen to. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And he's like, just bring good truth. You're Bailey.

Speaker 1 Bailey, it's okay. No, you're doing great.

Speaker 2 It's funny. This conversation came up.
I don't want to, it doesn't, we don't have to do this, but I thought it'd be fun if we played Two Truths and a Lie and I shared things. And then

Speaker 2 I think we'd have a great time.

Speaker 1 I think I should do it. Two Truths and a Lie.

Speaker 2 I think it's fun because

Speaker 2 just set this up. At least I'm some fucking.

Speaker 1 The more I listen to you, the more I realize you're Jewish. Yeah.
By the way, you jump through conversation. Yeah.
All Jewish people go,

Speaker 1 and then they they say it, and then go,

Speaker 1 and then they say it. Slow down.
I'm not in a hurry. I know.
We're here. When you're back hurts, do you make a noise? Oi, oi.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you? Oi, oi. I sincerely started doing that.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Unironically, I make noise. How old are you now? 37.
Yeah, dude. Once you hit 40, it gets worse.

Speaker 2 Do you say oi when you're 40?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I am Jewish. As soon as I hit 40,

Speaker 1 you turned Jewish. You turned Jewish.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Oh, Muslims.

Speaker 1 Karatzi.

Speaker 1 Are you single?

Speaker 2 In the questionable.

Speaker 1 What is that? Oh, you're kind of in a relationship. You're seeing somebody.

Speaker 2 I've been seeing somebody and what are we doing? Right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is she a comedian?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 A lay person?

Speaker 2 Lay person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 A human. Human, yeah.
And then how did you meet her?

Speaker 2 I met her.

Speaker 2 I met her at the improv many years ago. We reconnected a couple of years ago, and she's really special and stuff.
And she lives in a different city. We're dealing some stuff.

Speaker 1 Where does she,

Speaker 1 what state? I wanted to get specific. Georgia.
Atlanta. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Have you ever been not, have you ever been into men? No. Only women.
Only women. Have you tried?

Speaker 2 I haven't tried. I haven't thought about it.

Speaker 2 Honestly, I've thought about it a lot because I've been offered it tremendous amounts of times. Yeah.
And I've been offered wonderful things in exchange for participating.

Speaker 1 Like what?

Speaker 1 A condo?

Speaker 2 Money.

Speaker 1 Honda Civic.

Speaker 1 I was going to buy him a Honda Civic. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Have you gone to a condo?

Speaker 1 I have a house.

Speaker 2 Well, that must have been a rich guy.

Speaker 1 You think I blew somebody from the house?

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 I paid American money. Well, but the money was acquired by fucking young guys.
By fucking flowing guys.

Speaker 1 I blew a guy, but yeah, but. That's great.
The only reason I ask is because

Speaker 1 when I first met you,

Speaker 1 I did think you were gay, and I don't mean that as an insult.

Speaker 2 No, up until I was like 26, people were like, you're gay, you just don't know it yet. And somehow it just stopped, like, it stopped completely, abruptly.
People cut it out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it just, I don't know, I need America's Got Talent when I was 27 or whatever. Like, it just became.

Speaker 1 You were fantastic on that show, by the way. Oh, thank you.
I do remember seeing you doing that and thinking, oh, this is like him proving himself nationally because you were quite young on the show.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 1 I got you in the comedy store before that show?

Speaker 2 That was like 10 years before, buddy.

Speaker 1 I did that.

Speaker 2 You and Moz and John Caprula.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but let's just give him the credit. Not those people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I give all the credit to you.

Speaker 2 Interesting. But you help me get like Mitzi watched me.
Oh, really?

Speaker 1 You look great. Good looking kid.
Who's that woman? Heidi Klume. Oh, great.

Speaker 2 I've kissed her on the mouth.

Speaker 1 Didn't that feel weird with a fucking Nazi sitting next to you? Did that not fuck up your ancestors? Oh, you did kiss her. Look at her.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 No, but you're going to be able to, there's a real mouth kiss one there somewhere.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. You kissed her a bunch.

Speaker 1 Now, what was this about? Yeah, what's that? And there's Ginger. I know Ginger.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
What's this about with you and Heidi Klume? Did you have a thing, dude?

Speaker 2 You know, you kiss the lady.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you don't just kiss a fucking on-air personality without a backstory.

Speaker 2 She's uh so I on the show we had a whole thing and like she was mean to me and I got her to like me and then like now like almost 10 years later people come up to me and go how's Heidi doing and like it's like a shtick was there yeah I know it's a shtick I bought a house off of

Speaker 2 a goofing with Heidi you know are you asking if I made love to her no dude I'm not bought a house off of the

Speaker 1 AGT money yeah and but also like like what do you mean I'm very talented and I. No, I know.
We get it. That's why you're on the show.
Dude, don't do that. I'm very confused.

Speaker 1 Listen, you're on the show

Speaker 1 for a reason. We see you around.
You don't have to do that. All right.
So, what I'm asking you is, did you buy a house based on the money that you got from AGT? Yeah. Wow.

Speaker 1 So, how much do you get for AGT? Touring and stuff. Touring.
He's saying from this career.

Speaker 1 Well, then that's not the same. But what I mean.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they pay no money.

Speaker 2 Carlos, you didn't tell me what to do when this happened.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Just get it.
But wait a minute. But what I really want to know, you're skipping through it.
So you and Heidi had, I know this is a shtick, but also you're kissing. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So she came, listen, she came up to me at the after the finale.

Speaker 2 The whole, like, I'm very lucky that I got to have like on these competition reality shows, you don't get to have a storyline, it's just performance and feedback.

Speaker 2 I got to have a storyline throughout the season because of what was a storyline. It was just a sense.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you some stuff.

Speaker 1 So he beat homosexuality.

Speaker 1 Yeah. When I was young, they all thought I was gay.
Yeah. Can I tell you my Heidi, get over here? Give me a kiss.
This was the definitive proof. This is when I actually shifted gears.
Interesting.

Speaker 1 I go, guys, not gay.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 on my season, there were two opera singers who their story was we're gay and our parents don't love us, but we're still going to sing for our family.

Speaker 1 And everyone has the storylines.

Speaker 2 I was like, I got bullied. Let's talk about it.
And they were just like, you're a cute comedian and you want to pay your bills. And I was like, yeah, you're cute.

Speaker 1 That's fine. You don't need something deep.
You're cute and you're fine. You grew up healthy, right? You didn't have crazy shit happen.

Speaker 1 so you didn't have that storyline like i was bullied and stuff well i mean i tried i tried to say i got bullied like i was like let me give you excited but everybody got bullied so it never really worked he got bullied i got bullied these two guys

Speaker 1 definitely got bullied i don't think anybody in our business didn't get bullied in fact the more i hear stories jennifer fucking lawrence is probably like oh they made fun of me when i was young yeah i think even like hot people in our business were bullied Everybody was kind of bullied because you would have to be a kind of person to think that you're going to make people feel entertained for living.

Speaker 1 I mean, I believe that a little loon, a little loony. I believe bullying is, for me, and I don't endorse bullying.
I do. I know you do.

Speaker 1 Keep on bullying. Yeah, baby.
But I believe that without the bullying, I wouldn't be where I'm at today.

Speaker 1 It pushed me. It's like every time I'm in a situation where someone says no, or I get fucked over, or this and that, my whole thinking is, I'll show you.
I use it as energy. I'll show you.

Speaker 1 He dude, he does that. It's like revenge almost.
Like Marvel wrote movies just about Bobby's.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm Korean. I think Koreans, we love revenge movies.

Speaker 1 Everybody likes revenge. I know, but

Speaker 1 Koreans, their movies, the theme, revenge is always a thing. Well, because of the history.
Yeah. Like fucking Old Boy is revenge.
You know what I mean? It's a great movie. Yeah.
So my point is.

Speaker 2 Gives you a thick skin.

Speaker 1 Who won your season?

Speaker 2 This guy Kenichi, Japanese.

Speaker 1 We love Kenichi.

Speaker 3 Did we have him on the show?

Speaker 1 Can we get him on the show? You know who I love? Kenichi and I like Wa. Oh, Kenichi and Wa, dude? Very good Wah.
Kenichi Wa is great, dude. Together?

Speaker 1 Oh, Kenichi the Magician.

Speaker 1 No, that guy won? Yeah, he's the kid.

Speaker 2 That guy's the best.

Speaker 1 Have you seen the head thing? Yeah, I saw it. He's great.
Clip, yeah, he's great. Yeah, but once you see it, once you've seen it, you know? Yeah, but can you take your fucking dog?

Speaker 1 You're writing new jokes. It's like once you've seen the head go down.
He's taking his head off his fucking torso. It's not coming off.
I checked it out. That's real, dude.
It's a rig, dude.

Speaker 1 No, it's not, dude. He's throwing his fucking head off his torso.
That's fucking big. So this guy, this guy won.
Look at that. This guy won.
Now he's in Act in Vegas, I imagine. He's in Japan.

Speaker 2 He lives in Japan.

Speaker 1 In Japan, Vegas.

Speaker 2 He made a lot of money doing private.

Speaker 2 That's the thing with the dancers, you can only do seven minutes before you go,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 You can't do an hour's show.

Speaker 1 In Japan, every other person could do that. It's not even a big deal when he's in Japan.
Dude, I had a guy. He goes, and the owner of the goes, I can do it too, you know? Seoul?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I do think the whole goal used to be, right, getting a Vegas show, right? Wasn't that the whole thing?

Speaker 1 To get a residency in Vegas. Shinlin did it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's still there. He's our boy.
Yeah. Shinlin did it.
He came on this show. Oh, yeah.
Gave us some magic, and I got to tell you, enjoying you much more. Wow.
Much, much more.

Speaker 1 Also, we have a rapport, so it's different. Wow.
Thanks.

Speaker 2 My favorite compliments are like, I like you better than whoever.

Speaker 1 Oh, I could say that about you, but so many more people. Well, don't let me get started.
The list will never end.

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That's Buffy.co with code bad friends for 25% off your Buffy order. Can I ask you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't want to be mean. Oh, what you doing about

Speaker 2 my hair?

Speaker 1 No, I just, you know, you know.

Speaker 2 Are you doing his?

Speaker 1 Are you going his face? You're not like his face?

Speaker 1 Oh, his hair?

Speaker 1 Like, fucking make a decision, you know.

Speaker 1 Like, can we do it?

Speaker 1 Either do no, not a yes, yes, or no, but don't do this. What are you trying to say, man? You're trying to say I have thinning hair and no, I'm just saying, what are you doing?

Speaker 1 What's up? What's up? Have you asked me? Happy Thanksgiving.

Speaker 1 I'm on Happy Thanksgiving. That's how I do it in Korean.

Speaker 1 What are you trying to say? Why don't you hash it out? I love you.

Speaker 1 Thanks for being here.

Speaker 2 Listen, I got bullied as a kid, so I have thick skin. I can handle it.

Speaker 1 He can take it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Please ask me a direct question. I got you.

Speaker 1 Go direct if you're going to ask. Okay, okay.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What I'm saying is that.

Speaker 1 Just, let me try.

Speaker 1 I just, what? Nothing. I just, I feel you trying to load up.
Oh, yeah, I'm trying to load up. You know, it's like when I see a q-tip,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 You know, it's either I want, because sometimes I take the, what's it, the cotton off. The cotton off, yeah.
It hits the, you know, it hits parts of my ear differently, right?

Speaker 1 I don't think q-tip is the right analysis.

Speaker 2 This is insane that you just, everything that you just, you're not even supposed to put q-tips in your ear, by the way.

Speaker 1 I know, is that funny?

Speaker 2 And you're saying you take off the safety part?

Speaker 1 He tickles it inside of his ear. I tickle the

Speaker 2 wire. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The hardened paper part, the stick, he put the stick part.

Speaker 1 We had him on the bus. He loved it.
Let's pass. Pass on that.
What I'm saying is it's just what you're doing right now is it's balding, right? But you have a few hairs and you're just trying to like.

Speaker 1 Does it bother you?

Speaker 1 It wasn't until I saw it now, and there's like a little, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, in the Bible that sees the parting of the Red Sea. That's what I'm saying.
So you're Moses.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's happening, and it's kind of distracting me a little bit. I'm sorry.
No, it's okay. I'm just wondering why.

Speaker 2 You're going to put your...

Speaker 1 Please don't be mean.

Speaker 1 Please don't be mean. You can let him defend himself.

Speaker 2 I'm not defending myself. No, I'm asking you.
I want you to be comfy.

Speaker 1 I'm so comfortable.

Speaker 2 You see, it's making you uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 For a second, I was just kind of wanting to ask you a question. It's not really, you know, I can live with it.

Speaker 2 Do you want me to turn around?

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. I don't want you to turn around.

Speaker 1 Dude, you know, I love you, dude. I'm just because I've been wanting to ask you.
Yeah. I go, and I go, you know, because what Carlos is doing, he's like full.
Have you seen Carlos without his hat?

Speaker 1 How long have you known Carlos? Do you go back?

Speaker 2 I've known him probably like 15 years or something.

Speaker 1 So Carlos, this is, this is, we've talked about this. So, you know, this is, you know, this is how he gets laid.
He's the man.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You don't like that? He's beautiful. No, the hair.

Speaker 2 But his hair isn't like. I would have fucked him before I was 26.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Until Heidi Klum got a hold of you.

Speaker 1 Anyway, let's move on. I'm happy to talk.
No, I don't need to. Was that inappropriate? No, I need.
I can't. Can you ask?

Speaker 1 You didn't want to ask? No, not really. I mean, it didn't hit me.
I don't really look at it. Does it hit you now, though? Look at it now.

Speaker 1 Well, now that you've made it uncomfortable that you've mentioned it. Yeah.
No, I'm still not thinking of it.

Speaker 1 It's not on my mind even a little bit. Okay.
I think it looks good. Oh, you know what? Yeah, that's good.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But as someone who has so much hair like you, I get that you look at other people's hair and you judge everyone because you have such long, luscious hair. That's not what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 What? What the fuck am I doing? Am I wrong? That's what I'm doing. Am I wrong?

Speaker 1 You're right. You have long, luscious hair.
You see other people's hair. You immediately mock them.

Speaker 2 You're a bully.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, this is a bully.

Speaker 2 Because one time I was looking at this guy.

Speaker 2 It's funny because you are being a bully, actually. And here's why.
Because

Speaker 2 I was talking to this guy once and I was looking down in his hairline and it was like, he has the thicket of hair. And while I was actively thinking, oh my God, you have so much hair.

Speaker 2 He looks at me, up at me, and goes, you're so tall.

Speaker 1 Oh, right.

Speaker 2 It's funny how normal, healthy people, we see kind people, I'm sorry. We see what we wish we had,

Speaker 2 that someone else has. But you go, I have all of it, and you have none.

Speaker 1 That is really tall.

Speaker 1 Is that what I'm doing? Yeah. You know what? Can I say something?

Speaker 1 Take your beanie off my hand just to show them how much nicer you are. I know.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 That's like 40 grand of hair right there. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Thank you. At least.
Yeah, thank you for

Speaker 1 you. You shone a light at my frailties and my character defects.
Yeah. And I want to apologize deeply.
No, I love you. No, no, I'm just saying this, okay? And you know what? Godforsaken.

Speaker 1 And God bless you.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 This looks like a scene. This looks like a scene from Old Boy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And, you know, you've given me deliverance.

Speaker 1 You have. And

Speaker 1 I've seen the errors of my ways. And I will correct myself.
It's very nice. I apologize.

Speaker 2 Listen, we're all evolving and we're all doing the best we can with what we were given. And I appreciate this exchange.

Speaker 1 Does the dog sleep in bed with you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 2 I was not going to be that person.

Speaker 1 Is that a point of contention with the person that you're dating?

Speaker 2 No, it's honestly, it's wild, like who I am. Like, if you told me at 37, I'm going to be the guy with a tiny dog, I take places unironically.
I'd be like, what the fuck happened?

Speaker 1 No, there's nothing wrong with that. Yeah.
We love, this is animal-friendly room here. I love animals.
I'm comfy.

Speaker 2 My girlfriend's so comfy. She has a dog in the bed.

Speaker 2 In Atlanta.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I just get scared of rolling over on my dog.
That's what I get fucked up about because I'm a big baby. What are you bigger guy? Well, I'm just a, all right.

Speaker 1 Not fat. I'm just making fun of his hair, and I'm fat now.
No, no, no. You want to knock out everybody in the room?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Knock out everybody in the room. Yeah, man, I'm having trouble right now.
I got high cholesterol. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I get it, man. I'm on fucking...
What am I on? Oh, you're gayweight.

Speaker 1 You gain weight. I did.
What am I on right now? On my cholesterol medication? What's it called?

Speaker 2 Ozempe?

Speaker 1 No, I'm on Lovitra.

Speaker 1 Is that what it's called?

Speaker 1 No, Lipitor. Lovitra's the boner pills.

Speaker 1 I'm on Lipitor. I'm on Lipitor.
This is my new thing.

Speaker 1 Honestly, it's pissing me off. Why am I taking this? My cholesterol, I did get a little fat.
I got a little fat. Does that affect you when you take Libitor?

Speaker 1 I mean, not really. What are the side effects? I mean, maybe let's see if I got any of those because I just started fucking taking it.
Anger.

Speaker 1 Anger? Hunger? Are you saying hunger? No, anger. Nice try, bitch.

Speaker 1 Diarrhea, normal. Joint pain, normal.
Headache, get real. Stuffy or runny nose.
Appetite, increased. Nausea, constipation.
So this is normal shit. This is basically, they gave someone a placebo.

Speaker 1 They said all these things that usually happen to regular people. They have to write it down in the book as possible side effects.
So, no, I haven't had any of this stuff.

Speaker 1 The only thing I have had, I'm not going to lie, when it first, when I first started taking it, is

Speaker 1 the moment I would eat, and I mean, the moment food would be, like, if, you know, in the cartoon when it like splashes in your belly, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Like, you feel like it goes down your throat splashing your belly? My body immediately was like, get it out.

Speaker 1 Get it out. I'd have to go right to the bathroom.

Speaker 1 But it wasn't nasty. It just had to come out.
You know what it was? It was like the train got in the station. The other train needed to leave.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you something? No joke. My dog has that.

Speaker 1 Is your dog on Lipitor?

Speaker 2 Like, after she eats, she has this look of like, uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Gotta go. Yeah.
Yeah, I gotta go.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know what it is, but it's not. It is, honestly, it's not gross.
It's just one train's gotta go for the other one to get back in the station.

Speaker 2 You know what it is?

Speaker 2 It's a Jewish thing.

Speaker 1 I know, I'm Jewish. I know.

Speaker 2 You became Jewish.

Speaker 1 She's Jewish. Yeah, dude.
My wife is Jewish. I get it, dude.
She's Jewish. I know.
She is Jewish. Bob's the only one that's not not Jewish in this room.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 By the way, let's congratulate right now. Speaking of dogs, South Korea unveils its plan to ban dog meat by 2027.

Speaker 1 Why is the law? Well, you got to get cut.

Speaker 2 Let it catch up. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They got freezers full of it. Yeah.
Well, imagine like dogs in cages like

Speaker 1 five years. How are we going to make it? No, they're not going to make it.
They got fucked. No, five years.
What do you mean? It's 2027? Yeah, they have to phase it out. Buddy, it's 2024 and an inch.

Speaker 1 Tomorrow is 2024. Right, so three years.

Speaker 4 Three years.

Speaker 1 It's not that bad. Oh, he doesn't.
Yeah, that's. What's so funny? Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Math, math. An Asian who's bad at math,

Speaker 1 it's just nuts. It's nuts.

Speaker 1 It isn't. It's crazy.
It's rude. It's like when a black guy can't play basketball, you're like, what's going on? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't know. You can't even shoot.
I don't know much.

Speaker 1 Korea unveils that plan to ban the dog meat. See, those dogs right there waiting to get eaten? They might, well, one of them.
They're fucked. They're fucked.
That's a dog meat farm. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is a dog meat farm. Yeah.
Wow. I know.
Zoom in on who wrote the article. Minju Kim.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Well, Minju, I hoped you saved some of those dogs when you got that nice photo of them.

Speaker 1 By the way, zoom in on Minju Kim. That looks like Bobby in a wig.

Speaker 1 Is that not you? That's insane. That's you.
God, I feel so bad for those dogs, man. This is what's crazy because we're a big dog show over here.
Everybody in here has pets.

Speaker 1 Well, except Carlos, did you your dog die yet? No. No.
He's alive?

Speaker 4 I know you told me I have to give him to Bobby if I fuck up again.

Speaker 1 Did you fuck up again?

Speaker 4 No, I didn't. So I'm just, I'm holding him.

Speaker 1 I have him on,

Speaker 1 what is it called? He's on probation because he fucked up. When he first got a dog, we were all supportive.
And then he fucked up. What'd you do?

Speaker 4 I just messed up an airport pickup for Bobby.

Speaker 2 Does it involve the dog? No, not at all. Oh, I don't care.
Well, I thought you were going to say he injured his dog.

Speaker 1 No, he has done dumb shit with it.

Speaker 1 He's left the dog places.

Speaker 1 He left it in a Jeep for four hours without the AC on or anything.

Speaker 1 Carlos. No, not really.

Speaker 1 Bobby was actually mad at him. I know, I liked it.
Oh, my God. No, but we did say if we find out that he's not

Speaker 1 behaving correctly with the dog, like if he's doing dumb shit, like not feeding it and forgetting about it, leaving you places, we're removing the dog from him.

Speaker 2 I love that. I think everyone should have the.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You have to hold responsibility for your family.
You're so talented.

Speaker 2 Thank you. I'm the second most talented person in America.
Like, literally.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. No, no, no.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, no, but I'm just saying you're very talented. Thank you.
That means a lot.

Speaker 1 I think the times when I made fun of you and stuff. I never made fun of you.
No. But the times I make fun of you is I was trying to.

Speaker 1 Because a lot of times you just, you know, at the comedy clubs. Yeah.
You know what I mean? You're just like.

Speaker 1 This is what you know what I mean. You're very inside yourself.

Speaker 1 Which I think is why I tap you on the tush, just to scare you a little bit. Like you turn into Kramer when I tap you on the butt.
And then

Speaker 1 just to shock you because you look so like. But we also talked about things that are going wrong.
You always come up to me with things that are going wrong and things aren't happening.

Speaker 1 What's going wrong right now? Yes, you have.

Speaker 2 I have once, but you don't know. That's what I'm saying.
You want to know the advice you gave me?

Speaker 1 Okay, yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 2 This is Bobby Lee's career advice from a few years ago, right before COVID. I was like, I'm really stressed.
I'm hard. I'm whatever.
Things didn't work out. So I'm some pilots, whatever.

Speaker 2 And I don't know what to do. I'm feeling like a dead end.
And he goes,

Speaker 2 sincerely and loving, like no shtick. Like, he cares.
I know you care about me so much. He gave me his heartfelt advice.

Speaker 2 He says, Taylor, stop trying to do anything, stop hustling, stop pushing yourself. Because when I stopped doing those things, that's when everything happened for me.

Speaker 2 And he gave me examples of his famous friends who have helped him because he's very talented. They've known him for many years.
And I'm just like, Bobby, I think this is not good advice.

Speaker 1 I don't think it's good. It is good.
No, I think it's a good idea. It's very good.
I think stop trying to do everything. No, last night.
No, okay. Can I say stop doing anything?

Speaker 1 Can I hear how it worked for you and I respect?

Speaker 1 And all due respect. May I talk?

Speaker 1 With all due respect. Okay? Do less.
Am I. What? I'm doing too much? Do less.
Go less. Yeah.
Okay. Don't hit him so hard.
You're right. He's here.
He's brave.

Speaker 1 Because he'll keep striking. Okay, you're right.
Because he's really ripping me apart right now. I know.
Well, relax. Not at all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've attacked him a couple times.

Speaker 2 I don't find that to be true. I found the opposite to be true.

Speaker 1 I got to tell you, if we put up an attack board, I think it's tied. It's got to be two to two.
It's two.

Speaker 2 Tell me one time I've attacked this gentleman.

Speaker 1 Well, look, you just pointed at him. Yeah.
That was rude. Derek did it again.
You keep doing it. Sorry.
The three, four. This is classic.
This, I don't like. He doesn't like that.
This is diminutive.

Speaker 1 Yes, it's rude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I took Japanese classes. This is rude, but this is polite.

Speaker 1 No, this is like here in the future.

Speaker 1 Okoshi. Goshi, goshi.
And poco. Let me hear if I, do a sentence.
Let me hear if I can translate it.

Speaker 2 Ogenki desu ka?

Speaker 1 Ogenki desu means

Speaker 1 good day.

Speaker 1 Not too far. Yeah,

Speaker 1 how are you? How are you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 People say for how are you or good day? It's kind of the same thing.

Speaker 1 No, I know this is a fact. It's the same way we say what's up.
We're not really asking you what's up. It's like what's up is like saying, hey, how's it going? Or what? It means 50 things.

Speaker 1 You have an Asian fat.

Speaker 1 Me? No.

Speaker 1 No. You have an Asian fat.
Of course he does.

Speaker 1 You thought his girlfriend was white? In Atlanta. Are you out of your life? Is your girlfriend white? No.
What is she? She's Asian. She's half Filipina.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it.

Speaker 1 I'm going to learn the language, huh? Well, I mean... You can't get into their minds.

Speaker 1 Do you get in their mind? You get in their pants. Yeah.

Speaker 2 She doesn't speak Japanese.

Speaker 1 It doesn't matter. How much do you weigh? That's what you want.
That's your ultimate goal.

Speaker 2 I think I'm 165.

Speaker 1 I knew it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, anybody under 170, a white guy under 170 who's tall cannot date a white girl.

Speaker 1 They all like Asians. Any tall, you're listening right now.
If you're a tall, white guy, how tall are you? I'm six. Yeah, see?

Speaker 1 Any guy that's over 5'10 that's less than 170 pounds 100% has an Asian girlfriend or wife. Small vaginas, long udon like penis.

Speaker 2 She does not have a long udon like penis.

Speaker 1 no you no you do he's saying u do

Speaker 1 i know she doesn't yeah you've seen it though your penis can i tell you what

Speaker 1 i have too many thoughts right now but are we flirting right now no i'm not flirting no i'm no i'm just coming to revelations but so i can i fit this i fit all the check marks but i can tell you why i study japanese and it's like it ruins it no no well oh you don't you don't i'm gonna calm down i'll let you fit no i'm gonna calm down i like it all right i'm i'm trying to i'm trying to calm down your standard you're not taking you're not taking away anything my friend.

Speaker 1 Touche. Okay.
But what I'm going to say is.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to be calm. I'm not in the pony because he gets me all rolled up.
I know. He gets you jazzed.
What I want to say is I don't need to know the reason because I already know the reason.

Speaker 1 That's right. You understand? I understand.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 1 I do too. I've been to countries and I've seen dudes like you.
Yeah. Expats.

Speaker 1 Like you, you know what I mean? Yeah. And you have that energy.
It's fine. Have you been to Singapore or Malaysia?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 Not even. You've never been to Asia.
Thailand?

Speaker 1 You've been

Speaker 1 just to Japan. How long? Well, when he was on the hunt.

Speaker 1 That's where you hunt.

Speaker 1 Once a year you go on a hunting trip with your buddies. He goes on the streets.
Yeah. White buddies.
Yeah. We're here.
Konichiwa. Konichwa.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And what did you say? What was the first thing? Mugu Gai Pan?

Speaker 2 Close is Ogenki desuka.

Speaker 1 O Genki desukai.

Speaker 1 Deska, what does that mean? It means how are you? How are you? That's him yelling from the road. It's a vagina in Japanese.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you do. Well, we can Google it.

Speaker 2 You really don't?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Oh,

Speaker 2 on this topic, so I asked him if I do the podcast. I texted him.
He didn't write back. And

Speaker 2 I don't understand that's your style. I understand.
So I didn't take it personally. But then I saw you in the hub, and you're like, I know you asked me to do my podcast.

Speaker 2 I don't know if you can handle it, man. And I'm like, I think I can.
And then, and then on this topic, he goes, I'm going to ask you questions you can't handle. I'm like, I don't know.

Speaker 2 He's like, and he goes, I'm going to ask you, like, do you eat, do you lick pussy?

Speaker 2 And I was like, I think I can answer that.

Speaker 1 Do you? Yeah. That's a pretty easy answer.
You think he loves it? He does. He does.
Yeah, he does. Yeah, he does.
I feel like he gets nervous, though. Do you get nervous when you're down there?

Speaker 2 What's fun about this interview is I don't have to be here. You know the answers already.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I kind of

Speaker 1 shaking. I love it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm packing it.
Anyway, so let's go back to what I was going to say about my advice.

Speaker 2 I hear you, but I've, for I've done like 20 years of

Speaker 2 just being really working really hard on my stand-up and being funny. And then I got on your show because I asked, you know?

Speaker 1 And like, I have a special

Speaker 2 coming, I have a special coming out because I self-financed it and made it myself.

Speaker 1 What's it called?

Speaker 2 Live at the Comedy Store. Creative? Hanukkah release.
We're doing a Hanukkah release.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good, dude. That's great.
So you release the special in 12 parts?

Speaker 1 That'd be kind of fun to do. It's eight, but that's funny.
But 12 is good. You know what I mean? 12 is a better.
It's a better number.

Speaker 2 We could have re because Jews are back.

Speaker 1 Make it a dozen.

Speaker 2 Let's make it. It's Hanukkah the 12 Nights because of the oppression work.

Speaker 1 I like this.

Speaker 2 More presents. But yeah, so it's live at the comedy store.
It's a special, my best jokes I've ever told, and I'm so proud of it. Okay.

Speaker 1 This is your first special.

Speaker 2 Second.

Speaker 1 Second special. Yeah.
But the first one,

Speaker 1 you didn't self-finance the first one.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. Other people financed it.

Speaker 1 This is out of your pocket.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's like very freeing.

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Speaker 1 dot com slash bad friends bad friends i want to know more about you instead of instead of this father yeah yeah

Speaker 1 when's the first time you fucked i say 20 were you say 20 but it wasn't

Speaker 2 whatever a fucked fuck is 21 then why 20 i got on crack why 20 i did a little bit of something when i was 20 you know like you dipped it in yeah yeah one of those

Speaker 2 what is it called let it soak you let it soak you soaked in i didn't even i just did like it was just like she was like all the every woman i've ever, by the way, like, every woman I've ever dated, like, has been like, or hooked up with whatever has been like,

Speaker 2 condom, I don't need it. Like, all the stereotype of a man is like, guys are like, I don't want, oh, I forgot it.
We don't need it. Right.

Speaker 2 Every woman I've ever, you know, you know, you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 No, I don't know what. I don't know.
I don't know what you're saying. Well, here's why.
He looks. I don't know what you're saying.
If I'm a girl, you look clean. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what I'm saying. If I was a woman, I would be like, no.
This guy's fine. Yeah.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Also, I wouldn't be afraid of you getting me pregnant.
I figured, you you know, like you'd decent genetics. No, no, no.
No, no, no. I feel like they would be

Speaker 1 relaxed relax. But they're not going the right direction.
Right. Okay.
Yeah, yeah. They're going back in.

Speaker 2 Do you think I'm infertile or just no, no?

Speaker 1 You have a lot of sperm, but they go back into your penis. Okay.
And all you get is the liquid part. Okay.
Yeah, but they're back in. I think they get nervous.

Speaker 1 They get out there and they're like, oh, no.

Speaker 1 And they go right back. Thank you.
They get a little, I think they get a little tepid.

Speaker 1 I also think that your testicles are cozy. Oh, yeah, yeah, like a cozy testicle.
Warm balls. Yeah, yeah.
Warm, warm balls. Yeah, listen.
I love this. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Rep at the opposite of bullying. Jebediah, let's go back.

Speaker 1 I don't know what their names are.

Speaker 1 What's the bigger testicle, right or left?

Speaker 2 I don't know. Are they different sizes?

Speaker 1 They sure are. One hangs lower for sure.

Speaker 2 I just learned they moved like recently.

Speaker 1 They go wherever they want. Recently.

Speaker 1 You're never in cold weather.

Speaker 2 But I mean, like, you can hold them and then

Speaker 2 they're kind of like what are those Mexican jumping beans?

Speaker 1 Sorry, Carlos.

Speaker 2 No, but that's what they're called.

Speaker 1 That's what they're called. I know.

Speaker 2 Thank you. Sorry.

Speaker 1 By the way, somehow Mexican jumping beans

Speaker 1 sound so racist. Yeah, yeah.
Is it not what they're called? It just sounds like something Trump said. It does.
I was at the airport. They're Mexican jumping beans.
Right over the wall.

Speaker 1 Over the wall they go. Bing, bang, bing.

Speaker 1 It sounds like he's

Speaker 1 Mexican jumping beans.

Speaker 2 But is that not what they're called?

Speaker 1 No, they are.

Speaker 2 They are. I was at the airport in Tucson, and they have them for sale.
I haven't seen those in like 20 years.

Speaker 1 It's like, what the THEY. Yeah, they probably got rid of them for them.
Well, they're little insects in the bean, right? Yeah, and they're trying to get out. Yeah,

Speaker 1 they're slowly dying.

Speaker 2 They're tortured animals. It's like sea monkeys.
They're just like creatures you're torturing.

Speaker 1 Well, what creatures are we okay with torturing then? I guess let's make a standard.

Speaker 2 I don't like this, but lobsters, people are down for just like it's like, dude, do you know about lobsters, though?

Speaker 1 They're evil. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 They're satanic. I didn't.
Oh, God. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Their claws are fucking this is what they're doing the whole time. Well, yeah, yeah, they're doing this, and then they're like molesting crabs.

Speaker 1 Six, six, six, six, six, six, six. That's how they do it.
They fondle crabs, and crabs are like, dude, they're victims, dude.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but someone hurt. It's not, doesn't make it okay, but someone hurt her people hurt.
Someone did that to them, and now they do it.

Speaker 1 To the lobster? Who did it to the lobster? I don't know, but I don't know. Squids? Oh, yeah, those fucking squids.
Those fucking assholes. You know who we like the least on this show? Dolphins.

Speaker 1 Dolphins can fuck right off. Perverts.
Yeah. Pigs.
They're perverts. Honestly, do you like dolphins? Be real.

Speaker 2 Do I, I mean,

Speaker 1 like, if you're in the ocean, you saw a dolphin next to you, what would you do?

Speaker 2 In the ocean, I would be scared, honestly, if I saw a dolphin next to you. If I made the ocean and then do anything to you, yeah, yeah, what are you scared of?

Speaker 2 I don't want, I'd be like, is that a dolphin or a shark, first of all?

Speaker 1 Well, he just told you it's a dolphin.

Speaker 2 Well, the dolphin's like, don't worry, I'm a dolphin, bro.

Speaker 1 I'll be like, they don't say that. They don't say that.
So then I'd be like,

Speaker 1 and then they start fucking.

Speaker 2 Are they just chilling next to you, like, so you can get a good look?

Speaker 1 They'll swim by you. I know they're chilling.
They're not like.

Speaker 1 I don't want

Speaker 2 to be next to a dolphin in the water.

Speaker 2 But if I'm in, like, if I was recently at a friend's house who's doing well for himself, and he has a house by the beach, and we saw dolphins in it, Daniel Tosh, we get it.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, Danny, yeah, you know, Danny, yeah, Florida, yeah, Danny from Florida, that's what we call him. You call Daniel Tosh Daniel from Danny from Florida? So, you went to Danny's house?

Speaker 2 Danny from Florida.

Speaker 1 From Florida's house?

Speaker 2 When he calls into radio shows, that's what he calls me.

Speaker 1 Okay, so you went to his house, Danny from Florida. I was at Mac Friend Max's house, and Max has money and he lives on the beach in Malibu.
Yeah, wow, that's cool, man.

Speaker 2 It's great, but the problem, though, is that in like 10 years, the house is going to be gone and you can't

Speaker 1 be dead in 10 years We'll be dead in 10 years.

Speaker 2 Oh, good. I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 Did you not hear Joe Biden address a country yesterday? What do you say? We'll be dead in 10 years. He was like,

Speaker 1 10 years of margin

Speaker 1 fall apart.

Speaker 2 Did you say I'm going to be dead in 10 years or what?

Speaker 1 I couldn't make it out what he was saying, but I did think he was saying the world's over. Did you translate any of that stuff?

Speaker 4 No, but he did mention something about Taylor, too.

Speaker 1 About this Taylor? Yeah, Biden. What did he say?

Speaker 4 No, he said that we're all going to die, but specifically Taylor Williams.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's all fucked up.
Did you see the picture of his cake on fire? Did you see that photo? Well, no, let me see it. Let me see it.
This is classic Joe Biden.

Speaker 1 This is our president.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. It's crazy, though.
81 candles. It's on fire.
It's crazy. It's not.
Happy birthday, Joe. You're on fucking fire.
Should I blow these out?

Speaker 1 No, dude. You'll die.

Speaker 2 That's really, that's like a joke. Why is how is that real?

Speaker 1 Here's the problem with this guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So many, I could go on for hours. He's really genuinely so unaware.
It's not even his fault anymore. They're parading this guy around like fucking.

Speaker 1 I mean, genuinely, they're parading this guy around,

Speaker 1 and he has no clue what's going on. Yeah.
Like, they literally posed him for that, but they put his arms like that. He's like Gumby.
You think he was posed like that? 100%. I bet my life on it.

Speaker 1 That's so he doesn't fall. You know,

Speaker 1 this guy, the earth is spinning fast for this guy. But when you put your arms out like that, the candles were probably normal, and he could have done that with his dark brandon.

Speaker 1 oh, wow, laser eyes,

Speaker 1 yeah, dude.

Speaker 2 That's cool if that's true, honest.

Speaker 1 Now, have you ever met a lizard person, a politician of any sort of strength or power? Have you ever been in a room with any lizard people?

Speaker 2 Not lizard people. I've done some USO tours, so I've met like the chairman of the joint chief of staff.

Speaker 1 Whoa,

Speaker 2 that's pretty good.

Speaker 1 I know, yeah, close.

Speaker 2 I spent 4th of July with General Millie.

Speaker 1 Whoa, Millie Bobby Brown. Yeah, when did she get generalized? First Ranger.

Speaker 1 I didn't know she got generalized. Congrats, Millie Bobby Brown.
Is he nice, General Millie?

Speaker 2 He's so badass and cool. I think he's a Massachusetts guy.

Speaker 1 Said him right there.

Speaker 2 That's a badass dude. And he's a Trump, like, he's famous because Trump.

Speaker 2 We're not supposed to know who these people are, you know, but he's famous because Trump is always hating on him because he kept democracy intact. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's cool, though.
Look at all those fucking things on his chest. Look at the little flags.
Those are all the countries that he bombed.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is there one for swimming or something? Yeah. Are there other, like, is it canoeing and stuff? Like the Boy Scouts or not? The very top one is for swimming.

Speaker 1 If you can hold your breath in an Olympic pool down and back once, give you the first one. You get the top one? That's the first one.
Can you zoom in a little bit? I'll tell you what all those are.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tell me what all those are.
All right. So the top one's swimming, right? The fervor.
Right underneath it, to the left, the green and yellow. A dozen chicken wings in under a minute.

Speaker 1 Really? That's what it is? I had no idea. Yeah, my uncle's in the military.
He tells me all this fucking stuff. It's wild.
Oh, I know the one to the right. He broke three boards with the karate chop.

Speaker 1 Yeah, karate chop. That's karate chop board.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I have one of those. It's the one that's somehow not that impressive.

Speaker 1 I know. I mean, I have one.
My dad has one. Well, my whole family has one.
Do you have a karate chop medal?

Speaker 2 No, I got to yellow belt, and my mom started taking karate single mom, the cool single mom style. She took it the same.
I was taking karate the same time. She was taking karate.

Speaker 2 And then so she took it because I was taking it. And then I failed the orange belt test, and she passed the orange belt test.

Speaker 1 I was like, fuck karate. Really? Wait, did she keep going? Is your mom a black belt now?

Speaker 2 No, she stopped after I stopped.

Speaker 1 After she fucked you up, she quit. That's so funny that your mom stopped after she beat you.
So you have yellow still for the rest of your life and your mom has orange. Yeah.
Man, that's so cool.

Speaker 1 Your mom's the shit. Is she available to come on the show at some point? Um,

Speaker 2 I mean, what does she do for a living? She's a brilliant artist. Like, she was famous in Japan and the shit.
That's why I started Japanese.

Speaker 1 What's her name? Can we look? Can we showcase her art?

Speaker 2 If you really, I would love to. Unfortunately, her online presence isn't killer.
Someone else has her name. If you look up Suzanne Marie Art Del Mar, you'll find her.

Speaker 1 Suzanne Marie Art Del Mar. So down in Del Mar, does she have a shop?

Speaker 2 So yeah, that's one of her, like that one, the second one. Like that's some of her art.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Let's see some of her.

Speaker 2 Her art's been in a bunch of movies and stuff. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 Whoa, that's beautiful. That's beautiful.
Let me see. Zoom in on that.

Speaker 2 She was like a legit superstar in the 90s. Can I tell you? I was in Japan a few years ago.
Yeah. And I walked by an art gallery and I went inside.
And in Japanese, these people don't speak English.

Speaker 2 I was like, Bokuno Okasan Suzanne Marie des. Like my mom is Suzanne Marie.
And they were all freaking out.

Speaker 1 Because she was like, I knew they were freaking out because you spoke Japanese.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know. Oh, Peterman.
Peter

Speaker 2 And this creepy old Japanese guy who's probably 70, he was like, oh, Suzanne Maria, very tall.

Speaker 1 And I was like, okay, wait, wait, wait. Oh, that's fucking great, actually.
She's so special. Is that oil?

Speaker 2 I don't know what it was made on.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Do you watch her work ever? I know.
You don't fucking know what your mom's what medium of art? She's oil.

Speaker 2 She uses acrylic.

Speaker 1 Where does she live? San Diego? Yeah, yeah. Del Mar.
We don't. And do you go down there and visit her? Yeah.
And you don't see her studio?

Speaker 2 she's not doing as much as she used to. She's older.
She's not old. She's not older.
She's been doing some other stuff.

Speaker 1 But she's still with your stepdad? Yeah, yeah. You like him? Yeah.
What does he do?

Speaker 2 He's a doctor.

Speaker 1 Ooh, she did good. Yeah, he said Del Mar.
Oh, Del Mar, nice. Living in Del Mar if he's.
Have you ever go to the Del Mar Fair?

Speaker 2 It's great.

Speaker 1 Del Mar Fair. I love the Del Mar Fair.
Yeah. It's a nice part of San Diego.
It's very nice. I like it up there.
Del Mar is beautiful.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm lucky. It's funny.
Like, I grew up a single mom style in like a little townhouse, you know, and like, but like, and like artist style.

Speaker 2 So like somewhere, we have money, somewhere he's he's like we're broke what are we doing you know and uh but all my friends are like filthy rich yeah that's gonna be wild to grow up in that world where you are the poor artist scumbag child and everybody else is finance kids i remember like my buddy got like a bmw m3 for his 16th birthday for his birthday oh yeah and then and then he has a job at the they'll this is what they do because the one of them marries

Speaker 2 the dad marries a normal kind woman you know who's like not rich you know that's the generation you know now women have jobs that's beautiful yeah you know what i'm saying am i canceled so then, um, but then, uh,

Speaker 2 but then, like, they they get jobs at like the movie theater because, like, my mom told me I have to get a service job, but they have to just work a regular job, jobs is M3 to make like uh five dollars an hour at the movie, keep them humble in some way, right?

Speaker 1 It's a balance, yeah. I get that

Speaker 1 that makes sense, though.

Speaker 1 Because you had money coming, you worked at the fucking coffee shop or whatever.

Speaker 2 That's right, yeah, I worked at Postal Antics.

Speaker 1 Did you really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, uh, uh, three years, Postal Antics.

Speaker 1 God, that's so funny. Can you go back to your mom's art or not?

Speaker 2 I could hold an envelope and tell you how much it weighed and how many stamps it needed. That's so pathetic.
That's my mom's art.

Speaker 1 Can I buy it? How much is a piece?

Speaker 2 You're so sweet. I would love to connect you.

Speaker 2 She's been. How much is it? I don't know.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Guess it says $600. Oh, that's $600?

Speaker 2 This is a serigraph. It's not an original.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 I'll do the $600. Okay.
I mean,

Speaker 2 this doesn't go to her, but this is some creepy guy who has her stuff from a long time ago.

Speaker 1 Then I won't add it to cart.

Speaker 2 Yeah, don't buy it from this.

Speaker 2 I don't like these people. Whoever they are, they're just scumbags who own her stuff from a long time ago.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? And they're reselling her art? Yeah. Well, this show is going to help.

Speaker 1 So I guess don't buy any, any of the fans that are interested, please don't buy anything unless it's going to be direct.

Speaker 1 And if you want to buy direct for Taylor's mom's art, his phone number is right here on the screen. We're going to put it up right on the screen, Taylor's direct cell phone number.

Speaker 1 Call him and ask him for the link to his mom's art. Thank you.

Speaker 2 I appreciate it. Honestly, like my, please,

Speaker 2 there's another Suzanne Marie, respect to her, but it's not my mom. The one that's mostly on the internet, not my mom.
She just didn't adapt to social media and all that.

Speaker 2 She's just more private collector. She's a big thing at Hebrew University if you ever go out there.
She does a lot of things for private collectors.

Speaker 1 If you can't get a hold of Taylor from the phone number, we just put on the screen, we're going to also put up his home address right now.

Speaker 1 I'd like you to go by his house, say hi to him, give him a handshake,

Speaker 1 and tell him that you'd like to buy some of his mom's art.

Speaker 3 Keep going.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah.
She teaches it. So she teaches art at Hebrew University.

Speaker 2 Her work has been in.

Speaker 1 Let's go back to your past. I think her art.
Can we go back to your past?

Speaker 2 Her arts in the movie Bachelor Party where it falls off the wall.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah. Tom Hanks.
Yeah. Woo!

Speaker 1 Great movie. I love that movie.
She has the art piece that falls off the back of the wall. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Barry Diamond's in that movie.

Speaker 2 Barry Diamond. I've opened for him.
Rest in peace.

Speaker 1 He's not dead. Is he not? No.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Some people just think are dead. Yesterday, I thought, is John Goodman dead? No, he's still alive.
I know. I know.
And but, but, but do you. You knew he just died? Who? Jimmy Carter's wife.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rosalind Carter. She did? She was 94.
Oh, no. He's 99, still alive.
What's he up to, JC?

Speaker 1 Like, just every second. I'm going to stay alive.
He's just staying alive. Staying alive, dude.
That rest in peace. I saw a video today of a guy who's 103 years old.
They said, what's the secret?

Speaker 1 I mean, it's go. No.
No, no, you got to ride it out. Oh, you got to ride it out? So the wheels fall off.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Now, with that picture of him with the thing over his eye, I remember this happened. Who fucked him up? Was he at a bar and just got fucking not? Imagine Jimmy Carter.
Oh, I know what it is.

Speaker 1 Look, he looks Japanese there.

Speaker 1 Oh, stop Asian hate. That's what happened, dude.
Did someone attack Jimmy Carter thinking he was Asian?

Speaker 1 Fuck you, you old Asian piece.

Speaker 1 Doesn't he look kind of look at? Oh, he's going in the sky. Oh,

Speaker 1 he's staring right at an eclipse, and they tell you not to look at it, but there he is, looking right at it.

Speaker 2 These aren't the best photos of him.

Speaker 1 The internet does this, man. When you get older, they put up so many fucking rude photographs of you.
Yeah. This is why you're supposed to die young, dude.
Right. Marilyn Monroe is the best example.

Speaker 1 She died at 36 years old. There isn't a bad photo of the girl.

Speaker 2 And the guy,

Speaker 1 James Dean, James Dean, same guy. Yeah, same thing.
Steve McQueen. You know what I mean? There's no bad photos.
Look up Steve McQueen. There's no bad photos of this fucking guy.
It's impossible.

Speaker 1 When you die young, they can't take a bad photo of you.

Speaker 1 Look at that fucking guy.

Speaker 2 Dude, he was like 70 there, no?

Speaker 1 No. He looks great.
No, when did Steve McQueen die? Didn't he die young on the younger side? He died of cancer, right?

Speaker 1 When did he die?

Speaker 1 How old was Steve McQueen?

Speaker 1 50. Yeah, he's a young guy.
That's younger. That's young as shit.
50 years old, man. 50, so fucking young.
What's that? He died in Juarez. Yeah, Juarez, Mexico, right?

Speaker 1 You cannot get a bad photo while you're 50?

Speaker 1 You know what, dude? I know what you're fucking doing right now. I know you're right.
He's targeting at you all day today.

Speaker 1 Are you talking? Look up Bobby Lee. See if there's any bad photos of him.
You're trying to talk shit.

Speaker 1 Look at these images. Handsome, cute, cool,

Speaker 1 funny, sharp. Okay.

Speaker 2 You look like Sarah Jessica Parker in that one picture.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you do.

Speaker 1 Cool shirt. Look at that, though.
Not one bad photo, Andres.

Speaker 1 You jerk. You can't even tell the difference there between me and Steve.
No, you can a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, good photos. So recamp what you said.
Take it back, Fancy, please. I was just asking.
No, no, no. You know what you were doing.
You were shooting your shot.

Speaker 1 Honestly, honestly, dude, I'm going to be real.

Speaker 1 I was going to fucking let it go, dude. What is your fucking problem with me today, dude?

Speaker 1 I was gonna let it go, but what the fuck is your problem with me today, dude? You've been attacking me since fucking I got here. Yeah, I've only been nice to you.
And also, can I say something?

Speaker 1 I've been giving you hugs, dude. Yeah, he has been hugging me.
Have I not been hugging you? Your fucking ugly pork body. Oh, my God.
Hey, be nice.

Speaker 1 You felt like a sea fly. No.
I don't know what sea fly. Shrimp shumai.
I don't know if you said shrimp shoe mai.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I'm so sorry that you went through that.

Speaker 1 What food won't you eat?

Speaker 2 I don't eat a lot of foods.

Speaker 1 I'm a picky eater. Yeah, I can tell you.
I can tell who's eating. He's got that fucking picky white eater guy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. Yeah.
Would you eat

Speaker 1 fried butterfly wings?

Speaker 1 That's a good question. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't want to. Like, I'd prefer not to.
Like, if I was, I wouldn't eat.

Speaker 1 Are you a meat eater?

Speaker 2 I don't eat red meat. How about this?

Speaker 1 But we eat white meat.

Speaker 2 I eat like chicken and turkey. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How about this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm at a restaurant. I'm a waiter.
I put down a nice plate of sauteed monkey farts. Yes.
You would eat it.

Speaker 1 What region are they from? Right. Papua New Guinea.
Oh, my God. You're not going to eat that? I'll eat that.
Pass it my way. Papua New Guinea has the best.
Fried monkey farts? Yeah. Oh,

Speaker 1 delicious. Sauteed.
Oh, sauteed monkey farts. Not fried.
A little bit of garlic. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I would eat it because I feel bad that it's going to waste. Like the monkey farts just die.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're a preservation guy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Probably not a lot of food there. Can I guess what your favorite meal is? It doesn't seem solid.
Your favorite meal? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I want to say pizza for some reason. You feel like you like pizza.
Mac and cheese. Mac and cheese.

Speaker 2 I never liked mac and cheese.

Speaker 2 I get the vibe why you.

Speaker 1 You never liked mac and cheese.

Speaker 1 That's an insane. That's a claim I don't think I've ever heard a human say before.
Porridge. Oh.
No, I don't like that. A little porridge bowl.
Porridge porridge. Are you a pot pie guy?

Speaker 2 No, I don't like those consistencies.

Speaker 1 Whoa, so you give me consistency and I'll tell you what you eat.

Speaker 2 Beans?

Speaker 1 That's it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Do you just eat beans? Yeah, bacon.
I don't like beans. You don't like beans? No.
No, give me a consistency you like, and then we're going to try to guess.

Speaker 2 I mean, it's not like all I eat, but like, I guess, like.

Speaker 1 You're a big Chick-fil-A guy, aren't you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, see, I got it. Did I get it? I got it.
Did you see it? Fuck Chick-fil-A? It only took me a few. What?

Speaker 2 Did you see in my car?

Speaker 1 I didn't look at your car. I didn't know where you parked.
That was a natural guess. You do it.

Speaker 2 I love the Chick-fil-A bit. I have a bit about Chick-fil-A.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Really? Let's not hear it. No, I don't want to.
I'm not hearing you. I don't want to hear it.
The waffle fries?

Speaker 1 They got you.

Speaker 1 I like it.

Speaker 1 How many little nugs are we getting? What pack? 20?

Speaker 2 They're all good. I'm usually driving, and I would get the sandwich because I'm driving.

Speaker 1 The sandwich driving. If I'm not driving, the strips.
Oh,

Speaker 2 but then the nuggets are probably the most delicious.

Speaker 1 So I understand. You have a childlike appetite.

Speaker 2 Sure, but I've gotten better at it, though. Like, I can go on dinner with a lovely lady or a business thing, and I can pretend I don't want fish sticks.

Speaker 1 Will you push around the salad, though? You're not going to eat the salad. I don't love salad drinks.
I know. I can tell you.
I'm a beautiful woman. I meet you online.

Speaker 1 You broke up with your girl from Atlanta. Yeah.
I'm a Japanese.

Speaker 1 What's your name?

Speaker 1 Tico. Oh, Kiko.
Tamya. Konichiwa.
No, Tico. Tiwa.
Tico Tamya. Yeah, Tico Tamya.
You're half Japanese. No.

Speaker 2 I don't think Tico is a name.

Speaker 1 No, it's my internet name.

Speaker 1 I'm an influencer.

Speaker 1 First of all, dude, let's not disrespect Tico Tamya. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She's pretty well known.

Speaker 2 All right, Gomena Sai. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know that.

Speaker 2 Are you American? I'm an American. I respect that.
I'm so sorry for assuming that you should speak a language. Anyway, anyway.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Tewo.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Tewo.

Speaker 2 You have the accent, though, even though you were born in San Jose.

Speaker 1 She's an influencer, dude. I'm an influencer, dude.
All right. Yeah.
And I, you know, I hawk seaweed snacks. Yes.
On my TikTok. Yes.
So anyway, where are we eating?

Speaker 1 What restaurant are you going to take me?

Speaker 1 Well, no, when you do that, let me say something. I love that noise.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You do that with the waffle fries and the fucking chicken sandwiches, right?

Speaker 1 Is that the noise your penis made when you kissed Heidi Klum?

Speaker 1 It may actually be hard. Did you get hard?

Speaker 2 No. Okay.

Speaker 1 No. So anyway, back to me.
Respect to her, though.

Speaker 2 What's my name again?

Speaker 1 Tico. What's my last name? Tico Tamai.

Speaker 2 Komai. Tico Komai.

Speaker 1 Anyway, where are we eating?

Speaker 2 I'm not sure. I'm like, I.

Speaker 1 Wait, you need to make reservations?

Speaker 2 It's like. I think you maybe like a nice vegan Thai food restaurant.
Interesting.

Speaker 2 I saw Ed Begley Jr. there once.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Ed Begley Jr.

Speaker 1 That's a good one. That is good.
I love him. I met him once.
He's super sweet. So a vegan Thai joint.

Speaker 2 Maybe. I mean, I'm not vegan, but like somewhere interesting conversation.
But have you been there before? Yeah, I scope it out.

Speaker 1 Have you eaten there before? Yeah. Is it good? Yeah.
Okay. Where's it at?

Speaker 2 I'm not looking to plug. I mean, there's one in the studio city area.

Speaker 1 Okay. You should go.
Do you think that's a good date? No. This sounds like a bad date.
I don't like it. You're not going to die.
Okay, what do we do afterwards?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 I don't know. Like, I've been in the relationship thing.
I'm just trying to think of what's single life. What do you do? Like, maybe I don't know.
You go to a bar down the street. This

Speaker 2 venture has a lot of bars.

Speaker 1 Tico, you're sober. Yeah, I'm sober.

Speaker 2 Maybe I say goodnight and like, because I'm not in a hurry. I'm an older guy now.
Like, I'm like, I'm like, I have a dog to go home.

Speaker 1 I want to smash.

Speaker 2 Then maybe I go, listen, let's.

Speaker 1 I want to, where are we going to smash?

Speaker 2 I have a dog now, so I don't know. I mean, I've had,

Speaker 1 I guess, I

Speaker 1 we can't. Man, I hope you, I hope you stay in this relationship.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, no, no.
Can I tell you? So, wait, wait, so this is going to be tough.

Speaker 2 I don't even know where to start. Like, where do you start? Like, I would say, come to my place.

Speaker 1 No, you're talking to me, so don't go. Yeah, so.

Speaker 1 So, where are we going to go?

Speaker 2 I'll say, Tico, I've had a great time.

Speaker 1 After dinner?

Speaker 2 So, checks paid. We're staring at each other.
Are you paying? You're staring at me.

Speaker 1 Are you paying? Yeah. Oh, thank you for paying.
Yeah. Where are we going?

Speaker 1 Where are we going to smash? Oh, God, Tico, look how much he tipped. 16%.

Speaker 1 Wow. That's pretty cool.
You know, when I saw that?

Speaker 1 A little juice. A little wet?

Speaker 2 Yeah, a little juice.

Speaker 2 A slightly over.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 16.

Speaker 1 She likes it when

Speaker 1 you're a bad boy.

Speaker 2 It's a bad boy. Are you telling me that?

Speaker 1 No, no. If you hear it,

Speaker 1 you have hearing, right?

Speaker 1 What do you think that is when you hear that?

Speaker 2 I had a tumor as a child and I can't hear in this early.

Speaker 1 Are you being serious? Yeah. You can't hear out of your left ear that way?

Speaker 2 Very poor hearing in my left ear.

Speaker 1 Where was the tumor?

Speaker 2 He laughs at the

Speaker 2 sad parts of it.

Speaker 1 It's just so sad. When I'm sad,

Speaker 1 this is great. You have a tumor there now?

Speaker 2 The tumor has been removed, but I have a titanium thing that allows me to hear it.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you can't hear?

Speaker 2 I can't hear whispers. If you whisper it, sweet.

Speaker 1 All right, so you don't hear it. What if I say it? So I go,

Speaker 1 and then I know you didn't hear it. I go, well, I just,

Speaker 1 my vagina just made a noise.

Speaker 2 But can I ask a question on this? No, go ask, ask me. I like to ask me, ask me.

Speaker 2 Tico. Tico,

Speaker 2 ma'am.

Speaker 2 Are you, was it attractive to you that I tipped so little or that it's a lot to you? Which part was hot to you?

Speaker 1 Well, you know, usually guys try to impress and they'll they'll pay like you know, I dated Bobby Lee once. That guy, he tips like 30%.
Yeah, 30%. And it's like too much.

Speaker 1 It's like, look at my big dick. Right? And he has one.
Yeah. That's why he does stuff like that.
Right. Excuse me?

Speaker 1 I don't. Excuse me?

Speaker 2 He does. We're talking about Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 Yes, the comedian. Big dick.
Okay.

Speaker 2 I'm happy to hear it. I heard.

Speaker 1 What'd you hear? What'd you hear?

Speaker 2 I'm just going to tell you what I heard. I wrote it down.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, what'd you hear, really?

Speaker 2 I'm telling you what, this is true. Yeah.
So we did a photo shoot, me and Betty, with Jen Rosenstein today, the photographer.

Speaker 1 You love Jen Rosenstein.

Speaker 2 And she told me to say,

Speaker 2 because I told you I was worried you were going to be mean to me, like you told me you would be. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And she says for me to tell you, be nice to Taylor or his dog is going to bite off your tiny pee-pee.

Speaker 1 She's not a comedy writer, is she?

Speaker 2 I'm just, I didn't.

Speaker 1 You know who she's married to, right? Yeah. My ex-girlfriend.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I.

Speaker 1 That's a bad shot. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't, don't, don't. I'm calling Jet.
All right, call her up. I'm going to call her.
Call her up. That's fucked up.

Speaker 1 No, I want you to call her up.

Speaker 2 Are we done with the roleplay, though?

Speaker 1 No, we're not done. Please.
No, we're going back. Are we done with the role play? You're just getting started, baby.

Speaker 2 Filmmates large.

Speaker 2 I don't like stereotypes, you know.

Speaker 1 Hi, Bobby. Hey, Sarah.
How are you?

Speaker 1 I'm good. How are you? So, you know who Taylor Taylor Taylor Williamson is? I do.
So we're having him on the pod right now, me and Andrew. He's on the show right now.
He's on the show right now.

Speaker 1 So are you.

Speaker 1 So are you?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 your wife

Speaker 1 wrote a letter to me claiming that I have a small penis.

Speaker 2 A tiny pee-pee.

Speaker 1 A tiny peepee. Okay.
So what the fuck is going on around here?

Speaker 5 What is she writing? She wrote a letter?

Speaker 2 It was.

Speaker 2 She dictated it to me.

Speaker 1 She dictated to taylor and says that if would you well tell me exactly what he said i'm gonna

Speaker 2 um she said for me to tell bobby be nice to taylor or his dog is gonna bite off your tiny pee-pee it's gonna bite off my tiny pee-pee now

Speaker 1 it's very interesting um are you telling your wife that i have a tiny peepee no

Speaker 1 no we've never talked about your genitalia my love ever talk about it yeah yeah so you've seen my genitalia right yeah yeah yeah you're good i'm good thank you yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 5 Listen, listen, listen. You know,

Speaker 5 I have, and I have complete, we are not, we don't function the same. That is her own autonomous opinion based on whatever is going on.

Speaker 5 She told me that story when she got home that she told Taylor to say that to you. I was like, did you really? And she's like, yeah.

Speaker 1 I was like, okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, you know, she needs consequences.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She needs consequences, or there's going to be a problem between you and I.

Speaker 1 There needs to be consequences. She needs to be reprimanded.
Bobby. Where's Jen at?

Speaker 5 She's not here. Okay.

Speaker 1 I need consequences. I'll talk to you soon.
All right. Love you.
I love you. Bye.
Bye. Kai puts the hammer down.

Speaker 2 That's great.

Speaker 2 I'm Tico.

Speaker 1 Tico back. By the way, she's back.
Tico goes back.

Speaker 2 Tico's back.

Speaker 1 Tico's back in the scene.

Speaker 2 Tico, please tell Bobby that my dog also won't bite off.

Speaker 1 Anyway, we're not talking about Bobby Lee. What I want to say is we're going to go to your place and we're going to smash.

Speaker 2 Sure. Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Tico.

Speaker 2 Is this a first date, by the way, Tico?

Speaker 1 Well, you would know, right?

Speaker 1 Have I met you before this? Right. Right.
Right. So then, ding-dong, it would be our first fucking date, right? He must be dating a lot of Asian girls.
Yeah. How many fucking...

Speaker 2 He just looks so much like

Speaker 1 anyway. We're going to go to your house and smash.
Okay. No condom.

Speaker 2 I can't.

Speaker 1 You can't wear condom?

Speaker 2 I can't do no condom.

Speaker 1 Please stop.

Speaker 1 I want to break out a character real quick. Go ahead.
May I? Yeah. Why not?

Speaker 2 If I was in a monogamous thing, I would be.

Speaker 1 How many times have you won a condom?

Speaker 1 Every time?

Speaker 2 In my relationship, I have never not. I mean,

Speaker 2 I'm not going to have

Speaker 2 no condom sex with a stranger.

Speaker 1 Good for you. I listened to Loveline.
It's great. It's great.
It's great. I didn't have condoms.
Carlos?

Speaker 1 Learn.

Speaker 4 Have you had sex without a condom with a stranger? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Every time. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, I mean, I've gotten, I've gotten, I've gotten, I've gotten STDs with my skin.

Speaker 1 Let's go to commercial breaks.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. It's just like the scare.

Speaker 2 Like, I've had stuff on my.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, skin?

Speaker 2 My skin, my body.

Speaker 1 So you've had STDs.

Speaker 2 My trunk.

Speaker 1 So you've had sex with a girl and then you had STDs on your skin? Yeah.

Speaker 2 On your chest? Yeah, there's like

Speaker 2 skin stuff that you can get from towels and stuff. It's not that exciting.

Speaker 1 What are you into sports at all?

Speaker 2 As a fan?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like are you a fan of sports? Do you watch sports?

Speaker 2 My thing is I always like pro wrestling.

Speaker 2 Nice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so not real.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Well, no, it's like a play.

Speaker 1 You like the theatric theater. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, who's your favorite

Speaker 1 pro wrestler?

Speaker 2 I mean, there he goes.

Speaker 2 I mean, I can't. These are great questions.
I wasn't prepared for, and they change over the years. You know, you don't meet your heroes.

Speaker 2 You meet them, and you're like, well, he's off the list, you know? Like, when I was a kid, I don't know, like,

Speaker 2 Gerald Briscoe, I've become friends with Gerald Briscoe, who's an amazing, he's like WWE Hall of Famer.

Speaker 1 He's nice.

Speaker 1 Do you still go to the events?

Speaker 2 I go less now, but I've been spoiled. You know, we get to invited to things.
I've been to so many, like, yeah, big ones.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm to WrestleMania this year in L.A.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Oh, you did?

Speaker 2 I was supposed to start working for Fox Sports. They were going to, I was going to be like a daily show correspondent for Fox.
Do you go?

Speaker 1 You have a little He-Man in your pocket.

Speaker 1 Right. He's got like a Yoda Pez dispenser.

Speaker 3 He's just ready. I don't know.

Speaker 1 He's just ready to go. I don't understand.
Do you like boxing?

Speaker 2 I'm not a fan of like these. I know it's not good for my comedy career, but like I'm not a big MMA fan.

Speaker 1 No, we're not big MMA guys either. I've never said that either.

Speaker 2 You guys aren't like front row.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know people.

Speaker 1 We've been to the fights. Yeah, we've been to the fights.
But it's not like we're not big. I'm not a fight.
You couldn't ask me.

Speaker 1 I don't know the ins and outs. I think you could take Etsen

Speaker 1 Barbosa

Speaker 1 in a fight.

Speaker 2 You know, that's the third time I've heard that today.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I'm going to show you. There's a new boxing league that I'm really into.
I want to show you guys, and I want to get your opinion on it

Speaker 1 because I'm a huge fucking fan. This is like one of their premiere fights that they just had.
And you tell me who you think won. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 A couple of points. That's pretty good.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Whoa, who's talking? You go to the race.

Speaker 1 So, for people that love the show, they've been asking us for years, what's Doc up to?

Speaker 1 Dude, how crazy is that? that's a great double punch double punch whoop yeah whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa

Speaker 1 whoa

Speaker 1 whoa

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 the black guy hasn't landed a punch

Speaker 1 it's so unfair because the other guy's got like a full full upper body yeah

Speaker 1 oh there we go there we go a little tip tap little tip tap yeah

Speaker 2 is that a pacifier in his mouth yeah yeah

Speaker 1 he's just a widow baby fighting no dude it's a mouth guard it's pacifier you lunatic all right he's knocked that guy down no less than 12 times in this clip

Speaker 1 god it's it's incredible

Speaker 1 but it looks legit whoa whoa it's like a very see he gets up the same way i do because of my bad back like i can't he can't really bend

Speaker 1 god he's

Speaker 1 killing that guy but look

Speaker 1 he won he was

Speaker 1 it's so funny he won wow yeah no we're laughing at the brutalization But the other guy laughed after he saw you lost. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Somehow, some piece of me thinks it was a plant.

Speaker 1 But man, the way he goes to the very first second, the way he charges him. Look at how hard he charges at this guy.
He could have really fucking hurt him.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, man. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's insane. That's a little much.
It's a lot. Anyway, I'm into this now.
Yeah, but it looks like the guy in the blue, though, is

Speaker 1 a little person from just from the waist down almost. Yeah.
He has like

Speaker 1 a well when he was getting born, he halfway came out and then his mom sneezed and then

Speaker 1 I see how that works.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 2 That is funny. It's funny.
And then it's funny 30 seconds later when she visualizes it.

Speaker 1 No disrespect to these guys. We love the hustle, the tenacity.
Yeah, it's amazing. We're not really into any of that.
We don't fucking.

Speaker 1 He loves soccer. Oh, yeah.
That's his number one football, football, football. And we love soccer in this room because of him.
We support soccer. But you don't like any sports that aside from WWE.

Speaker 1 I like them.

Speaker 2 I kind of rack about my little cousin. He's 10 years old.
He's being scouted by Ellie Galaxy.

Speaker 1 Keep plugging your family, man. We're buying your mom's art.
We got to fucking. Yeah.
I mean, holy shit. And your son's being your, who, your cousin? Who?

Speaker 2 Cousin is Ellie Galaxy. He's like, he like, he's like a little soccer prodigy.

Speaker 1 Wait, LA Galaxy is scouting him? Yeah. And he's 10? Wow.
No, 10? Yeah. 10? Yeah.
They know.

Speaker 1 At 10? Yeah, they know.

Speaker 2 They know at 10. He's gone out to their stadium.

Speaker 1 He's white. Yeah.
How old was Messi when we went to Barcelona? How old was Messi when we went to Barcelona? Probably 14, 15.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I know that the Arsenal Academy, the team that I like, you know. 13.
He was 13. That's not a stretch.

Speaker 2 I think the Americans are doing that now.

Speaker 1 But he was also doing it.

Speaker 1 He didn't just show up at 13 and go, can I do it? I know, but I know.

Speaker 1 He had done it for like five years.

Speaker 1 He's saying, I get it with

Speaker 1 basketball and football because these guys are just bigger than everybody. But at 10, you really can't tell who's they're all the same size.

Speaker 1 He's from Argentina, too. Argentina, too.
So they had to fly him out. They're flying him out.
You're living here or staying at the academy. Right.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, he must be killing it at seven, eight years old. They can tell.
He must be just like murdering everyone around him.

Speaker 2 Jackie Chan did that. His parents sent him away.
What? Jackie Chan was sent to go to be like a martial artist.

Speaker 1 You think he doesn't know about his own uncle?

Speaker 1 Relax. relax dude i know what my uncle did

Speaker 1 what a asshole wait where's toki oh he wants a where's toki where's she go oh tiki

Speaker 2 the tiki i could i could say where is tiki in japanese do you want to hear no yeah go ahead

Speaker 1 i am here

Speaker 1 tiki wa doko de desu ska is such a long way of saying where is she yeah

Speaker 1 in my special i have jokes is there slang language yeah i never learned i only learned formal speaking like really the way you talk to a grandma how do you talk you're like that very how are you proper wow thank you for asking i'm having a nice day you know because most guys if they're with a woman for the first time and she goes i don't want to condom i think i would just gamble

Speaker 1 would you

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 she's hot sure yeah right and she's like yeah we just don't if it's tokey then yeah oh tiki toki if it's yeah yeah yeah yeah then you would then i understand yeah yeah yeah yeah then it kind of makes sense

Speaker 1 it's the voice for me yeah that's kind of what sells everybody

Speaker 1 When this episode comes out, we do want to remind our friends and family of the bad friends people to go watch live from the comedy store a Taylor Williamson special. Yeah, go check it out.

Speaker 1 Not Taylor Tomlinson. Respect her.
Taylor Williamson. Don't watch her stuff anymore.

Speaker 1 That's what Taylor says. Don't watch her stuff.
I've never said that. Watch me.
He says that stuff a lot. She's your arch nemesis, you said.

Speaker 2 I'm making it. I made a joke.
She's wonderful.

Speaker 1 Okay. Are you friends with her?

Speaker 1 It doesn't sound like it.

Speaker 1 We're friendly. No, you're not.

Speaker 2 I would love to be friends with her.

Speaker 1 When she walks by, you give her a look.

Speaker 2 No, I give her a give her a hug.

Speaker 1 Oh, your hug status with her.

Speaker 2 She's open for me in San Diego.

Speaker 1 Wow. Oh,

Speaker 1 how does that feel? No, no.

Speaker 1 She's now a talk show host.

Speaker 2 It's wonderful.

Speaker 1 She's selling out huge theater.

Speaker 2 I'm on tour, by the way. You want to hear where I'm going?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Did you know that she was going to blow up when she opened for you?

Speaker 2 I mean, I've never,

Speaker 2 it didn't even exist when you were younger, the superstard she has.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I knew she was really special. I didn't know that she's going to be.

Speaker 1 Well, we know that you're really special.

Speaker 2 Do you want to hear what cities I'm going to?

Speaker 1 Okay, go ahead. Just let them do it.
Play music over this. Go ahead.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Loud, though, so you can barely make out the days and the dates. Oh, thank you.

Speaker 2 Calgary, Fort Wayne.

Speaker 1 Turn the mic off. That's so good.
No, where are you going? Calgary?

Speaker 2 Stop me anytime. My website is my.

Speaker 1 Calgary is good.

Speaker 1 Go to his website.

Speaker 2 Daylayerlivson.com as my calendar.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go to dailywinstop.com. They'll find you.

Speaker 2 I'm I'm going around America, and I'd love to have people come watch me.

Speaker 1 We're going to come watch you. We want our fans to come watch you.
What did you just pull up? Was that him? Was that his website? No, it's Bob.

Speaker 1 Man Noses Asian Nazi facing federal charges of illegal gun purchases. I want to bring this.
What are you doing, man? You know what, dude? Yeah. We talked about.
I stopped. We had a famous.

Speaker 1 I quit after that article. No, well, it looks like you didn't.
You're still on the move. Yeah.

Speaker 1 An East Texas man with a pension for dressing as a Confederate soldier and singing Dixie online now faces multiple charges is related to illegal gun purchases. I think he's Korean, too.
He is.

Speaker 1 We talked on this show years ago. About him, right? About wouldn't it be funny about having all an Asian Confederate soldier? Yeah.
This guy's it. Wow.
Should we have him on? I think he's amazing.

Speaker 1 We got to have him on. He's whistling Dixie

Speaker 1 with a Confederate flag and he's staunch. He's very racist.
Yeah. All right.
Let me tell you something. We've had such a good show with our guest who we love very much.
Yeah. Bobby

Speaker 1 said to me, We got to get Taylor on this show. And I said, absolutely.

Speaker 1 Did you say that? I don't think so. No, let me.
No, let's go. If I'm being honest, yes, of course I did.
You said, really?

Speaker 3 And I go, yeah, don't you think?

Speaker 1 And then you said, yeah. Yeah, I actually, you know what? Yeah, he said, I want Taylor on the show.
And I go, really? And my instinct was, and you'll know why. This is not an insult.

Speaker 1 I thought, is he going to be able to handle you to you? Why, me? You're trouble. What are you fucking talking about, Taylor? Trouble in Little China.
Is that what you're going to say?

Speaker 1 You were going to say that. Trouble in Little China.
But I did. Fuck you, did you? But I did say that.
But I was going to say that. Yeah, fuck you, did.

Speaker 1 I thought because you're a comic, you can handle anything.

Speaker 1 I don't try to be diminutive of you being able to handle stuff, but I thought sometimes Bob can be heavy, and sometimes guests don't know how to do it. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 We've had guests before that just don't feel comfy because we have fun and go goofy and he goes wild. Yeah.
And then sometimes they're like, I don't even know how to feel.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I thought, no, Taylor can handle it. He's funny enough and quick enough.
The hair stuff.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're in the pocket.

Speaker 2 What does that mean?

Speaker 1 You were like, I'm sticking to my guns. Well, listen, I'm like, I'm a.
And I love it.

Speaker 2 Can I tell you, like, I'm a fan of both of you's stand-ups, and I enjoy your show. Like,

Speaker 2 this show makes me laugh when I watch it. Do you really watch it? It comes up on my YouTube algorithm.
Really?

Speaker 1 I watch clips all the time. Give me a moment.

Speaker 2 Carlos talking about getting milked in the.

Speaker 1 Okay. That's his fault.

Speaker 1 Guy watches the show. Wow.

Speaker 2 I don't watch everyone, but I watch it. And

Speaker 2 also, I'm curious curious how people participate. But I get it.
You have a vibe and get the vibe if you go on it or don't go on it.

Speaker 1 You're doing it. And I got the vibe.
You got the vibe. I brought, by the way, you brought vibe.

Speaker 2 I had to come back. And you came and attacked me a little.

Speaker 1 I loved it.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.
But you've warned me, too.

Speaker 2 You said, I don't know if you can handle it. And I prepared myself to handle it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did. And

Speaker 2 I brought too much ammo, by the way. So you got to have me back because I have this two truths in a lie thing that would be so much joy for all of you.

Speaker 1 I know. We will do that when you come back.
And when you do come back, we'll have Chick-fil-A for you. How's that sound, kiddo? Huh? Has daddy make you happy now?

Speaker 1 Bada?

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.