You're A Good Boy, Bobby Lee!

Hey!

Bad friends!

We got new merch!

Okay guys, check out these beanies.

These beanies are high quality.

Very high quality.

Yeah, I love them so I love the way they turned out.

If you're not, you're not cool if you don't have one.

You're not cool if you don't have one.

We're back to the old school, the OG.

Our OG face is on here.

It says Bad Friends on the back.

Turn around and show them what it looks like on the back.

The shirts are so high quality.

These are so comfortable.

Oh, look at that, dude.

The OG is back.

Go to badfriendsmerch.com.

Badfriendsmerch.com.

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

First of all, I have to say some great things have happened in the last week.

Wow.

And what I want to say is what's happened Congress is back in session They've been in session What? It's great when they are It's great when they are Because I want them to keep going Why are you doing political? No I'm just telling you the good things are happening this last week What's good about that? Who cares? I couldn't think of something good So I just said that Yeah the lizard people the lizard people were back? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The lizard people are back licking each other in the room.
Oh, the strike is over? What strike? Weren't we in one? The actor's strike? Yeah. It's over? It's over, man.
I've been out there every day. I know, dude, you're by yourself, and I should have said something.
I drove by you the other day. You're by yourself.
I've been sitting out there. At Paramount.
It's so sad. What does your sign say? What? I mooned like four executives today.

Yeah.

What does my sign say?

Bring back two and a half men.

It also says red lives matter.

I don't know what that means.

I said red life matters.

Oh, red life matters.

I was attacked by a security guard outside of Warner Brothers.

Anyway.

It was racially charged.

Yeah.

There's no doubt in my mind.

What else is going on this last week?

This week was huge.

I just got back from Vegas. Yeah, you did, right right vegas was and you dude can i just say this that video you had with bert and at that party sucking on his titties was it the best party sucking on your titties like you wanted me calling me what yeah peaches dude i love her and also you know it's that party i'll never be invited to this is is my favorite.
What are you talking about? I love it.

This is my favorite.

I want to be a part of the party.

I'm going to Tim Dillon's party Sunday.

Are you going to go?

Yeah, I'm going.

Let's go.

I'm going.

What else happened?

Hold on.

A lot of butterflies hatched this week.

Where?

From cocoons.

Is it like a Hollywood thing?

I need to call someone.

Uh-oh.

I need to call someone.

I have people I can call too then.

It's not a competition.

Yeah.

I think that's it. Hollywood thing I need to call someone Uh oh I need to call someone I have people I can call too then It's not a competition Yeah I have cool people I can call No Yeah I want to call someone cool too I have someone cool too Yeah It just made me mad Because what you just said Was such a like Yeah who said that Who are you calling I was calling Leanne Kreischer Because I literally said I literally said at the party i go i go bobby would love this this is so fun and then and uh she goes um she goes yeah he got all upset about the bert you know the they offered you to go on the tour or something like that and you're like saying you never get invited if you get invited stuff all the time you just say no yeah but no means yes in my not to people in the business no means no no no no means yes for me dude no is no hey yeah no never in this what no means no yeah but i'm just saying me personally no means yes ah anyway and no no forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it forget it but how cute though i did mention leanne how much I wish you were at the party.
You would have liked it. I love her.
It was so much fun. Bert was doing his Bert thing, like holding down the fort.
If Bert ever leaves her, I'm going to slide in. You're going to slide in on Leanne? Yeah.
She's motherly, dude. Well, yeah, she's a mom.
Nurturing, mother, she's cool. House is clean.
House is beautiful. Lee and Lee.
Lee and Lee.

Watch out, dog.

It's just me, Lee and Lee.

Yeah.

What if she would have a Southern and Asian accent?

She's like, it's just me, Lee and Lee.

We'll do the Southern and Asian at the same time.

Watch out, man.

You can't do an Asian and Southern at the same time?

It's so hard to do. Hey, ho, man.

I own Chang Williams, man.

Chang Williams, man.

Yes.

From the Deep South.

From the Deep South.

Y'all want to go to Cracker Barrel?

Let's go to Cracker Barrel.

That's it.

It's almost sounds Swedish.

You just nailed it, dude.

What else happened this week?

Oh, yeah.

What?

No, nothing else. Oh, yeah.
Nothing really important. Jet ski got passed at the comedy store.
Let's give it up for the big jet ski. You know, we were there at your showcase.
We were there. We were there.
You told us to leave. Yeah, you did.
You were like, get the fuck out of here. Usually you guys do your spots and bounce.

Yep.

And the timing of it was probably an hour, hour and a half until I go up.

So I didn't want any pressure on you to stay.

Pressure on us to stay?

Yeah.

We're American citizens and we make decisions.

Yeah.

I pay my taxes sometimes and dude, you know.

I was also worried that I go up there and everyone in the room is just going to be like Bobby and Andrew here. Bobby and Andrew here.
Yeah, they did. They did.
They kept turning around. Should we laugh? We're like, laugh.
Right before you got on stage, you went like this. You went and laugh.
Right. And then they would turn to me and I go.
Right. They go.
You know what I mean? And they would turn. They would laugh at places they weren't supposed to laugh because they didn't really know.
That's okay. In your act, you know what I mean? But, you know, I would go, no, no, no, not then.
That's a setup. Chill, chill.
Chill, chill, chill, chill. So, you know, we directed them.
You guys were my stage mom. No, you know, Neil Brennan made fun of us, huh? Mm-hmm.
Neil Brennan ripped us apart. Yeah, so what? I'm not afraid of you, Neil.
Make fun of us. He was.
We did get made fun of. Yeah, we got made fun of.
made fun of we were a little stage mommy because we were standing by the booth and we were both smiling and we were holding each other we were cuddling a little bit there was no more room all the seats were sold out and you went up there to a packed room sold out house standing room only literally people were standing in the back what a magical night was incredible. What a magical night.
And you had to follow a tough, tough run because it went...

Ali Wong.

Ali Wong, Neil...

I'm sorry.

Rick Ingram or...

No, Ali Wong.

No, no, no.

Before Ron, someone went on before Ron and ripped.

Oh, I know.

Fihi Manwar.

Fihi.

Yeah.

And then Ron G.

Ali Wong, Fihi Manwar, Ron G.

Three killers.

I mean, and everyone...

You walked up. Really, really was doing well.
I mean, and everyone- You walked up.

Really, really was doing well.

I mean, you didn't do as good.

As good?

Oh, thank you.

What do you say?

As good as the other people?

No, dude.

I felt great about it.

She's a girl.

You killed her.

Of course she's not going to do well.

No, no.

She's a girl.

Am I honest with you?

You did so great, man.

Not just great.

You did better than Ron G.

Well, we don't need to be a second.

That's because you're racist, dude.

That's so fucked up, dude.

And you did better than Fahim. I really do believe that.'s because you're racist dude that's so and you did better than fahim i really do believe that racist again the laughs you were getting dude were real i had and i went i just went i teared up dude i was proud of our little girl yeah i teared up make me cry proud of my kid you ripped and now you're regular you get to call in and the best part is now you're gonna get really late night spots that's my favorite last night who brought me up? Who did? Bobby.
The Bob? You brought her on? Yeah. What time was your spot? Oh, he gave me the most beautiful intro, and he said- Let me say something to you right now.
I give the best intros in LA history, dude. I know.
I was waiting for- Of all the comics. Of all the comics.
I give- Ask anybody. I give the best intros of the world.
Give me your- I'm bringing you up, Carlos. Give me your name.
I know your name.

I forgot for a second, right?

This next guy, dude.

Hold on, hold on.

This guy's a regular at our club?

Oh, no.

He's showcasing.

Oh, okay, good.

Can you make sure you,

yeah, is this at the O'Hot Dog venue?

Yeah, yeah, this is O'Hot Dog.

Can you make sure that you say that

while you're doing the intro with him?

And we're also in Lancashire.

Where are we at?

Monterrey Park?

Modesto.

Modesto.

We're in Modesto.

The O'Hot Dog Comedy Club.

The O'Hot Dog Comedy Club

in Modesto, California.

Opening weekend.

That's how it works. you're doing the intro with him.
And we're also in Lancashire. Where are we at? Monterrey Park? Modesto.
Modesto. We're in Modesto.

The old hot dog comedy club.

The old hot dog comedy club

in Modesto, California.

Opening weekend.

That's how bad we are.

Let's hear it.

We get Carlos.

Let's hear it.

As our first opening weekend

headliner.

Thanks, guys.

Guys, next guy coming to stage,

man, dude,

in terms of like

the king of all holes,

glory holes,

this guy top three, dude.

Wow.

Right?

Number two, dude, he's not even like the brown kind of Mexican. He's the, I know, glory holes this guy top three dude right number two dude

he's not even like

the brown kind of Mexican

he's the

I know

but in terms of like

the upper

snooty Mexican

oh

right

yeah

he's top of the line dude

wow

this guy sounds like

he's gonna be great

right

he's like the CEO

of Baja Fresh

whoa

that kind of Mexican

and here he is

no no

I'm not

oh wow

yeah yeah

he's also dude

he's only had warts

twice

wow

yeah right Thank you. Whoa.
That kind of Mexican. And here he is? No, no, no.
I'm not. Oh, wow.
He's also, dude, he's only had warts twice. Wow.
Yeah, right? He's had warts twice. And then also on top of it, dude, he's like, dude, in terms of drug addict, he should be the president of all that.
President of drug addict. Of drug addict-ness.
Ladies and gentlemen. And alcoholism.
Carlos. And I'd go, last name? I would say to the side.
Herrera. Herrera.
First joke out of the gate. They come out.
Herrera. They come out.
First joke out of the gate. Go.
I would just throw my hat off. Hat off, that's it? Hat off and then walk off.
Ooh, a physical joke. No, we want a joke.
A stand-up joke. Go ahead.
And what's your opening joke? Your 45 minutes. I'd have to do an opening joke.
I would literally take my hat off. That's not a joke.
It's a joke that's like I walk off oh that's what I would do well then I'm gonna call you into the office I'm the manager hey can I talk to you for a second yeah uh yeah man what's going on hey Andrew how are you hey man uh don't call me Mr. Santino if you don't mind it's and I'm Mr.
Lee thank you like you're okay let me just can I ask you something Mr. Lee I know the way you did that.
I know, I know. Mr.
Lee, yes. What's his name? Mr.
Santino. Sit down.
Sit down. Sit down.
You called us and said, may I headline? So we agreed. Well, and begrudgingly.
It was only because earthquake fell out. Yeah, earthquake.
And we tried to get Hurricane Tsunami. Both of them out of town.
Out of town. All natural disaster comics are out of.
Then we tried to get hamburger. Right? We were the old hot dog.
Obviously, we need to get hamburger. And then you know the- Shucky Ducky.
Shucky Ducky couldn't do it. And you know Shrimp and Grits.
You know him. Shrimp and Grits.
He couldn't do it. He couldn't do it.
He was busy. Yeah.
So naturally, as we fell down the list, we got to you. Which I'm grateful I'm on that list.
And by the way, why did your email say, you to be called the mexican rexican what does that even what does that even mean it was just like a signature i had on g mexican rexican is your signature on your email yeah on gmail but like i just want you to recognize me as that i don't think so buddy and your rider is crazy it says um you want parachute pants uh-huh but from 89 we're not gonna get that 1989 parachute what What does that even mean? I need fly down from something and I'm hoping the pants well what is this that's for break on the writer this is you wanted a Sibian what would you see what's a Sibian it's so saying it's like a vibrating thing you sit on it and it energizes your pre-performance stuff yeah it's just so I can loosen up what's this llama that happens to have scoliosis why i don't even know where to find a llama specifically scoliosis i it's like a sexual thing i don't want okay all right what is this what is this thing on here that says you need one of the staff members to read you jack and the beanstalk when you're done with your set yeah yeah is that like a comfort thing it's a good i have to be naked that happens i was hoping mr lee could do that part yeah mr lee is not telling you mr santino that we talked earlier and he was we didn't actually talk this is what he said to me and i forgot to tell you it feels like a lie it is a lie this is what he said he goes um yo i he said yo by the way i'm like what's up dude yeah dude? Yeah Anyway, what's up, Wayans? Sean Wayans? Yeah, I have a writer Anyway, he said I don't need an opener I'm gonna go up cold He went up, he threw his hat down Then he said goodnight The show was 45 seconds long You thought 45 minutes, 45 seconds. You thought 45 seconds?

Wait.

Yeah. No, it said seconds

on the thing.

On the writer,

I was like,

this is for a 45 second show.

Did we screw up

in that right time?

I mean, it could have been

because she's our secretary.

It could be a clerical.

But you could,

but let me,

have you ever been

to a stand-up show

and the show was

45 seconds long?

Yeah, I saw you perform

at the Comedy Store.

Oh my God. Go.
Go fuck him up oh my god oh my god you know what dude that bit's funny so i'm gonna let it go but holy shit dude holy shit that's so funny that was so funny you're a fucking jerk why wasn't that in the show you know that could have been your opening thing i brought you up fuck face but i saved. St.
Oh, you should. Okay.
And this is juicy. So everyone wants their money back.
Everybody's going to get their money back. Yeah.
And here's how we're going to make you pay it back. Here's the deal.
We're all going to my mom and dad's house for Thanksgiving. Everyone's going to be there.
What day is that? Thanksgiving is almost always on a Thursday. Almost.
It's almost. Let me ask you something.
Is Halloween always On a specific day? The 31st Yeah it's the 31st Yeah But is it like A Monday, Tuesday? Is 31st always A certain day like You're conflating Two different things Thanksgiving's always On the Thursday Third Thursday The third Thursday Of November But it's not a specific The dates change The dates change The date, unfortunately. Are you being real? Yeah.
Okay, well, that's what I was confused about. But you've never known that in 52 years spinning on a shirt? I swear to God, I haven't.
All the time you're sitting on the shirt that it spins around? No. Are we going around? I always thought it was like the 26th or something.
I never did it, so. Well, you're about to do this here.
I literally Sunday, because Tim Dillon has having his Thanksgiving party, so I go, oh, I've never been invited on Thanksgiving at dinner. He's like, it's not Thanksgiving.
You were invited last year. I was going to say last year.
You were invited with me last year and you didn't come. I'm going now.
You're really going to go this Sunday? Yeah. Good.
You going to be? Do you want to go together? No, because I'm bringing somebody. Who are you bringing, bad boy? Who are you bringing? A friend.
What I would really like is you and i go to a comics party as each other's dates but we but you dress up like the woman and i dress up like a man in a suit and i take you on a nice little date but you have to be in character all night long sure but what it has to be like a halloween party right or no why i want it to be real so i just randomly show up to like Tim Dillon's birthday party as a woman. I'm going to pick you up as well.
No. You be the woman.
But you're the woman. How come I always was a woman? Listen to the way you said it.
You sound like a woman. Yeah, right.
I always have to be a woman. You sound like just a deep voice woman.
Yeah, yeah. All right.
How'd you do last night? It was hard work, but it was good what do you mean the crowd was a little thin or something last night was who mark maron bilber uh eliza fucking me bitch well yeah we already know you went up oh sorry my bad i thought you were leaving me out when he introed me he gave me this beautiful intro and he says so some of you guys know repeat it repeat it i'm on this repeat the intro intro repeat it what an amazing show we've seen tonight i said that yeah okay and then he said it's gonna get better i don't remember just what you think i said you said i'm i am going to bring up somebody very special some of you guys might know that I have a podcast already murmurs in the crowd oh my god is it him is it him she has been such a wonderful addition to our podcast and then I heard it fancy I heard an audible oh. Oh, no, no.
That's not.

And then he said, oh, my God, you're going to make me so fucking mad right now. But then he said that she is the newest paid regular.

That is what happened.

Now, can I tell you what happened?

OK, you tell me.

OK, first of all, I said we have something special coming up.

Yes.

OK, as you know, that I have a podcast called Bad Friends. They all thought it was Andrew.
No, three people stood up, right? And I go, she, you know, I said, you know, in order to do this stage, you have to get passed as a paid regular. And it's a very difficult thing to do.
It's a big deal. It's a big deal, right? This girl is our sidekick on back.
She opens first on the road or something like that. And I go, this is her first spot as a paid regular.
And I can't. I'm so proud of her, right? That's what I fucking said.
It made me so happy. It sounds like that's what you said.
But it was for real. Literally, there were people in the audience I could hear from backstage going, No one said that.
You fucking idiot, dude. Why would I make that up? Because you're delusional.
No. You're influenced by them.
Can't you see how that could... And then I walked on stage and I said, thank you.
Like, give it up for Bobby. That was such a nice intro.
And sorry, I'm not Andrew. And a bunch of people left.
Yeah, that's nice. They left, right? Yeah, they got in.
Well, the reason... Oh, that they left.
And it was an all-stars lineup. So they were thinking, Santino's coming up.
Well, I was originally on the lineup. Yeah.
Yeah. And I had to not be on it.
And then what did you call yourself at backstage? I never heard that before. Riff Raff.
Riff Raff. After Bobby, I said this is where the Riff Raff starts.
So I didn't know- Who was after you? Bruce and Quincy. Great comics, but- Great Riff Raff.
We just don't have any. But I've never, because we never, when we were new as a paid regular, we never called ourselves Riff Raff.
What'd you call yourself? We just thought we were part of the lineup. People are at different levels, but it made me sad that you would say that about yourself.
Really? I was just being self-aware. People come to the comedy store to see stars so there's a divide in the show where it's like yeah but you got yeah but you're you're you're part of the you're a peer you're a regular now so you're a peer even more so that you got passed your name's going to be written in cursive on that wall it feels so crazy isn't it kind of cool to be on that wall yeah that's a cool part are you in the wall the wall? I've seen urine on my name no less than a dozen times.
I don't know what part. I'm not kidding.
Where? I'm by the back entrance, and I'm low to the ground. People are pissed all over the bottom wall.
Drunk guys pee all over the wall there. Can you move yours? I've asked to move it multiple times.
You don't mind this? Where? Up front. You're up front.
Not just up front. Above the main room.
Oh, you are? Yeah, next to Eddie Murphy. Your headshot is also right by the original room.
Yeah, I mean, you've been there for 15 years. I don't have a headshot in the original room.
In the main room, I do. In the hallway, leading to the original room.
I don't have a headshot in the hallway. You want to bet? I swear to God, I don't.
I've never seen a headshot there. Better money.
Bet me. 100 bucks.
100 bucks. I'm going to go there tonight.
Airshake, airshake, airshake, air shake. Air shake.
Air shake. Okay.
I'm texting the door guys because I don't want you moving it. Oh, that's smart.
So it's somebody that put it in there accidentally. I saw it last night because I was like, where's my.
It's got to be new then. It's got to be.
No, it's an old headshot. Okay.
Yeah, but they put it up new. Maybe.
Maybe they just re put it up. Maybe but your headshot And I got a little mad I'm sorry But your headshot At the improv It's in a very nice place Mine is not They're moving it next to mine Are they really? No be honest I talked to him He said they're moving them They want He goes do you want Bobby Right next to you I said yeah Because mine's in the back Somewhere weird.
You're in the, you're in the hall, but you're going to come up to you and I. No, I'm not in the hall.
I'm in the same hall. I have three up.
Yeah. I have one in the hall, one where the bathroom is, and one tiny one upstairs.
Yeah, I have one upstairs. You're going to be right next to me in that, in that entryway.
Thank you so much. Moving me up.
I want you there. Thank you so much.
Thank you so much. It's not moving you up.
It's moving you where you're. No, you're moving where, the cool people are thank you so much there are yeah they're the best it is it's like the highest like level of right and i'm up with whitney in the corner of some you know i did say that at the party that was the first club that passed me the store didn't pass me the improv passed me first wow and i still have the email it's a great club i have the email from the day i got i got passed on my birthday you know the chances of that? Isn't that insane? I got an email from Eric Abrams at the improv saying congratulations from the improv.
You're now allowed to call in for spots. I have something to share with you.
It's going to make you mad. Go ahead.
And they told me not to say anything. Who these guys did? No, the improv.
What? And I want a white do list. What is it? Vroom I got my brother a car, and the only way I would go do it is if I went through Vroom, because Vroom is the most reliable, easiest way to get a car.
So simple, because you know what? Getting a car these days, it's hassling. It's a nightmare.
You spend so much time driving around from dealership to dealership, trying to find the perfect car, negotiating. Thanks to Vroom, there is a better way to buy and sell used cars.
It's so, so simple. When you go to vroom.com, you can shop thousands of cars right from your phone.
They have all the popular makes and models and no haggle pricing. So you know you're getting a good deal.
Best of all, they deliver your new ride directly to you. Come on, man.
You can also sell or trade in your current car on Vroom and they'll pick it up for free. They're going to get it for free.
Just answer a few questions about your car on the Vroom website. You're going to get an offer in as little as two minutes.
You got two minutes? Get an offer on your car. You got no obligation to sell, so there's nothing to lose.
So whether it's buying your next car, selling or trading in your current one, Vroom has you covered. Start shopping today at Vroom.com.
That's vroom.com. Bespoke Post.
Hey, guys. The holidays are coming.
They're here, baby. Just listen to me right now.
The best gift you can give anyone is a box of awesome. This is a box of awesome.
What did I get? What did you get today? I got the Stealth, baby. The Sideliner Pocket Knife by Baron Sincolary.
Ultimate 7-in-1 Tool Pen. Money Clip Key Capsule.
This capsule this is pretty incredible this is the best part you don't know what you're getting it is so much fun to open these up even if you're not getting it for someone else you can get this for yourself to get new gifts all the time in the mail but how rad is that huh little pen mate with a leveler on it to make sure that i'm still level um you get to uh go online all you have to do is take a quiz it's not really a quiz because there's no wrong answers but it helps them build the right box of awesome for you and they release new boxes every month across a ton of different categories and these things are valued around 70 bucks you're going to pay a fraction of that price plus with each box of awesome Andrew you support small businesses 90% of everything that comes in your box of awesome is from a small up and coming brand I do love this man it great. You get 20% off your first monthly box when you sign up at boxofawesome.com and enter the code BADFRIENDS at checkout.
That's boxofawesome.com code BADFRIENDS for 20% off your first box. Boxofawesome.com code BADFRIENDS.
What? I just got a pay bump. They're paying you more money to do spots? Yeah, and Am I making more than And they said don't tell him It's great And I go I will not play in this room unless I always get more Whoa And they go okay How more? It's got to be at least 100.

That's funny, because I just do it for the art.

It's so not true.

I don't go for the money.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But anyway.

You don't go to the improv. Thank you, improv.

I'm glad you're a paid regular at the Comedy Store.

And let's all say congratulations to our love, our sweet juice, the jet ski herself. Congratulations on getting.
That's a big deal, man. Do you want to tell her the bad news? You're fired from the show.
Sorry, we did say we made a pact and we said as soon as you get past the story, you're fired from the show. That was literally a pact and everybody knows and it's kind of a bummer that we didn't tell you earlier, but we're telling you, right? This is how you're telling me? Yes.
Are you for real you know. You hurt though? Well, I feel weird that this public firing.
I know. So if we're being honest, make sure you don't like, don't wiggle in too much into the chair.
We'd like someone else's butt to be able to be fitting. You guys are crazy.
I don't believe you. I can't imagine never doing shows with you.
Oh my God. We're probably going to- Clip it.
No, no, no, no. I was going no no no no no because um you know i went through some hard times and stuff and um eight months ago whatever and it i had the right kind of person to go on the road with all of you but you are involved in that big time that i i went your temperament your support your positivity positivity was just something I needed at the time.
That I went, your temperament, your support,

your positivity was just something

I needed at the time.

Unmatched.

Unmatched.

But now I think

your attitude is insane.

Take that back.

But I really,

no,

I really can't imagine

not ever knowing you.

Oh my God.

You know what I mean?

I don't think that

you would betray me.

Never.

I would never betray you.

People are betrayed. People betrayed, in this room No one in this room If someone were going to betray It would go Carlos and then McCone I think McCone first for sure I wouldn't betray you Look what I did for you You did that for me You did that for laughs And You did that for laughs.
And also, I'll tell you why you would. No fries.
Yeah. Yeah, no fries.
You get a burger. This is not even a lie, dude.
Ever since I saw that hamburger with no fries, that right there was worse than not getting it. I'd rather get not a hamburger.
I can't let this go on any longer. That was my call.
No, no, no, no. You're in the hoots.
You're a part. I was with McCone in the car, and I told him not to get fries.
Why? What's your logic? And you waited a whole week to tell us this? I was projecting because I wouldn't want fries because I'm trying to stay trim. So you get a double, double cheeseburger from fucking In-N-Out and that's how you're staying trim? Well, protein style half the time.
He didn't get protein style. Yeah, but he doesn't need the extra fries and salt.
Whoa. Oh my God.
You're saying he's fat? Yeah, he is. You're saying he's fat.
But I'm saying he's not a kid. It's McCone's responsibility to go, no, dude.
Thank you, Bob. I'm going to get the fries.
No, no, no, no. That's his challenge.
Carlos, you're not exempt, you fuckhead. No, Bob got me out.
He's saying you both fucked up. McCone should have been like, no, I bet you he wants fries.
And your dumb ass shouldn't have stepped in the way of projecting about his weight because you think he's overweight. I am overweight.
No, you're not. Allie said it the other day.
Who? In front of you, Allie Wong. Because she weighs about nine pounds.
I know, but she goes, this is what she said. We're in the kitchen.
Yeah, I know. And she looks at you.
She goes, what are you doing? You look so good. And you're like, I'm doing this and this, right? Yeah, but why is he shaped like that? She said, and why are you still shaped like this? Yeah, yeah.
And I looked at her, I'm like. But at least you retained.
That means you retained. You stayed the same.
She sees you the same. You're not overweight.
I know. I am a little.
No, you're not. I'm fine.
I love it. I feel great.
I do have arthritis, but yeah, I'm fine. Dude, we're falling apart.
I'm falling apart. I went to the doctor and I'm on fucking...
Oh. I'm on Levitra.
What is it called? Levitra? No, I've said it wrong three times. Levitrol.
Did you talk about what happened in the hotel room? What is this for? That's for erectile dysfunction. Oh, yeah.
No, I'm on Lipitor. Lipitor.
Levitra's boner pills i'm not on those why i don't need them i honestly i'm not against boner pills but i don't need them i i am still very blessed you know one day when i was fucking like 16 years old i remember like an ad came on about boner pills and my dad my dad like really slyly was smoking a cigarette and he's like you're never gonna need those and I was like what and he's like runs into family you got strong blood you said that yeah I was like holy my dad still gets owners Clint Eastwood yeah yes and then he said it's just the way he smokes and then he said something about he was like get out of here Koreans he was all you know He got real Clint Eastwood. Yeah.
Right. I'm on Lipitor right now.
High cholesterol.

High trig... And then he said something about it.
He was like, get out of here, Koreans. He was all, you know, he got real Kenny.
He got real East Woody. Yeah.
Right. I'm on Lipitor right now.
High cholesterol, high triglyceride level. So my doctor put me on this.
My young Asian doctor put me on this. And what is that supposed to do? Lipitor.
Make it so I don't have a stroke or heart attack. Oh.
I have a bad, I already have a bad ticker. As everybody knows, I've talked, my heart's bad.
I've got a fucking murmur. I have a hole in my heart.
And he said my cholesterol levels were high. And he said, have you experiencing any semblance of high stress, traveling a lot, being near a Korean for an extended period of time? Dude.
And I said, no, not that I can remember. I had a dream that you died.
Don't. Why would you do that? Can I just say something? No, it's good.
It's good that I die. No, how I did it.
You killed him? What the fuck? You killed me in your dream? No, no. Let me explain.
Well, get through it. Right.
I don't know how you died. You don't know the details.
But I remember me making decisions of like leaving the country. I remember just living in living in like a cottage like my complete life changed so when i die that's your eat pray love moment when i die you get to go on a journey and find yourself no that's where i die in a cottage by myself in france eating cheese and wine what the fuck you're talking about so i die so you go kill yourself you slowly eat i'm just saying i'm just saying i love you so it would just devastate me.
It sounds like a happy story. It sounds like you quit the pod, you took the money, you moved away.
From my death. On your will? Not anymore.
Not if you're having dreams about it. You're on my life insurance.
Do you have a will? I do. I have a will too.
You're on my will.

You're not on mine. And I want you to put I want to put it on.
I'm not on your will.

I just didn't consider it until now.

I'm going to call my guy. I said if

any sort of revenue from this company

in the event of my death would

all go to you. Well, no.
In your death

half of it would go to your family and I would keep the other half.

No, I cut my family out.

You think I want those pigs with my money? They're going to spend it on bad stuff. I want it to go to you.
My family. Do you get family members? I get cousins.
Asking for money? Yeah, I'm getting it this week a lot. Out of nowhere.
A guy I haven't talked to in 30 years. Yo, man, I need 15 grand.
I go, how do you start with one?

$15,000?

Are you out of your fucking mind?

That's so much money, dude.

I mean, I could get it if it was like my mom, she needed surgery.

Anything for your mom.

Yeah, yeah.

I would pick it for your mom.

You know, my titty.

What's wrong?

My titty gone.

Your titty's gone? Yeah, it died. Well, let me taste them.
I'll find out if they're okay. I would not taste know, my titty.
What's wrong? My titty gone. Your titty's gone?

Yeah, it died.

Well, let me taste them.

I'll find out if they're okay.

I would not taste my mom's titty.

It's gone.

Let me taste your mom's titties.

It's getting weird.

How do you say good boy in Korean?

I don't know.

And it's so funny.

How do you not know how to say good boy?

They never called him that.

That's right.

Oh, Jess. Oh, Jess.
God, you're so quick called him that oh Jess how do you say good boy in Korean imagine me kissing on your mom's boobs while she says that I would say whataga chaga is nice so that's me i'm kissing on your mom's boobies chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chaga chagayan. All right.
Stop. Stop.
Stop. Stop.
Now there's going to be fucking t-shirts with... Chakan Sonyan.
I got to deal with it deal with it somebody make a t-shirt of Bobby's mom with her titties and be sucking on him and probably chuck on Sonia I gotta deal with it no more about my mom if I died what would you do oh my god please don't ever die no but just sit here I to know. I already.
What would you do? I'd have a charity event at the comedy store. Yeah, I'd raise money and she'd take it all.
Should we quit this thing and start a band and be happy without Hollywood? You know, a lot of my fears and my sadness comes from Hollywood. So yeah, maybe.
We should quit it. Yeah.
I don't want to do it anymore. Hollywood is scary.
I watched just to kind of change subjects a bit, but that movie you're in. What movie? Fool's Paradise.
I didn't even know you were in it and you opened it up, a small scene, but that's all about Hollywood and the industry. Yeah, Charlie Day.
My buddy Charlie Day did a movie called Fool's Paradise. It's great.
I loved your cameo in it. You liked the movie? Yeah, I liked it a lot.
I thought it was really funny. It was me and actually I get tagged in it.
People say it's me and you. Yeah, I also thought it was going to be Bobby.
Should have been. No, it's fine.
I love Ken. I thought it was you about halfway through the movie.
What are you laughing at, dude? I'm not laughing. Yeah, you are.
How come you keep picking roles with other Koreans that aren't Bobby?

They hand it to me.

They ask me to do it with other Koreans,

and I keep fighting to do it with Bobby.

But if I'm going to make an announcement here, I will.

I'll say it.

I'll say it even though it's not done yet.

But Bob and I are doing an animated series right now.

We're working on it literally right now.

I had a call about it a couple hours ago.

We're going to be doing a little animation.

You're not going to overplace him?

What do you mean by that?

Because he keeps working

with all these other Koreans.

Do you know how

Hollywood works?

No, I don't.

This is what we do together.

And when it comes

to everything else,

you know,

it's fine.

Yeah, it's fine.

Yeah.

Everything's fine.

I know my place in the world

and I'm very happy. It's a good place.
I enjoy my life. What are you going to do for Christmas, by the way? You kill myself.
Bob. I kill myself.
So you're getting me a gift. Yeah.
Finally. Are you going to go back to Arizona and see your mom for Christmas? I might have to, yeah.
I need something, you know. You really just bummed me out just now, man.
I did? Yeah. Wait, because I reminded you about all the other Koreans Andrew works with besides you.
I love it. I love what you're doing right now.
Well, you can rest easy. I won't be in Beef Season 2.
Why? I died. You never watched it? They shot me in the head.
They shot me in the face. I don't know.
I think they might bring you back. Two good friends of mine are now riding on that show.

Really?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dumbfounded is? Yeah, yeah.

And Gene.

Gene, yeah, that's right.

Yeah, yeah.

It's rad.

It's great.

Rad.

Well, I had a fun little weekend in Vegas, and I'm sad that I came back early because

I didn't go to go to F1, but boy, oh boy, did I have fun out there.

F1?

Tell me about it.

I mean, it's just, I didn't get to see F1, but I got to hang out with some of the other

people that were in it.

It was wild to like-

Give me a name.

Thank you. boy did I have fun out there.
F1. Tell me about it.
I mean, it's just, I didn't get to see F1, but I got to hang out with some of the other people that were in it. It was wild to like...
Give me a name. You don't know F1, do you? No, but there are celebrities there you're hanging out with? No.
I mean, F1 guys are celebrities in the F1 world, but if you don't know... Are they drivers? Yeah, do you know who Lando Norris is? Or the Bush guy? Or Carlos Sands? Bush? Yeah.
But that's NASCAR. Kyle Busch? Yeah.
Wrong game. Is it a machine,? You're driving around a machine? F1? It's a different level.
It's this, dude. Alright, alright, I learned! Alright.
I love it. Did you know that? I don't know anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just impressive to watch them operate.
But the NASCAR drivers, you guys are also very talented. I mean, is cockfighting like that? Is there like different levels? Oh, yeah.
Top cock. Oh, top cock is different than just regular street level cockfighting.
Top cock on Netflix. It's one of the best shows out on Netflix.
Oh, really? Top cock. Who has the best cockfighting skills? You have no idea who top cock is right now? Orlando Philandro won top cock this season.
Is that a real guy? Are you joking? Orlando Folando won top cock Orlando Fernando? Orlando Folando He won top cock this year Really? And where is he from? Spain? He's a Cuban guy that lives in fucking Miami And his chicken His cock And he comes out with his cock And he goes To intimidate the other top cock Really? Yeah Wow for lando is here yeah and everyone hates it and what are their are those cocks what are their names like his cock what's his cock's name well he his cock must retire i mean how many fights can they do buddy you don't know anything about cock fighting they retire when they die they kill they fight to the death. Oh, so he's been alive.
So his main cock, what's his name? Orlando's Cock. The name of, it's called Orlando's Cock.
That's the joke. Oh, really? So if I saw Orlando's Cock, I'd go, hey, Orlando's Cock.
You'd go, hey, nice cock. Not Jimmy? No, Orlando's Cock.
Hi, Jimmy. And he walks out, he goes, who wants to see Orlando's cock? That's what he does when he comes out.

Yeah.

Wow.

I had no idea.

And that's kind of his little bit.

It's Top Cock on Netflix.

Top Cock on Netflix.

Download it right now.

Is it all about him or there are other cockfighters?

Well, he's featured because he won this season.

But name me another guy.

That's maybe his nemesis.

Who?

Orlando's nemesis?

Yeah.

Miami Jabeen.

They're all from.

They're all Cubans that live in Florida. Oh, I don't know.
So Miami Jabeen. Miami Jabeen.
Jabeen. Yeah, Miami Jabeen.'re all from They're all Cubans that live in Florida Miami Jabeen Lives in Miami too Miami Jabeen He's one of the other ones And then does he have a cock? Oh he's got a real nice cock What's it called? Marcus That's what he calls it Has Marcus and Orlando's cock Fight before? they fought in season 1 or 2 but I thought they fight to the death yeah they fought in season 1 or 2 you know who I'm rooting for so he no longer one of them no longer exists Marcus Marcus died Marcus is gone there's an undercard though Susan Smith oh Susan Smith is pretty good she lives in Florida but her cock is Crazy.
Susan Smith's cock is really nice. Is it nice? Yeah.
This cock can knit. It knits right before a fight.
Maybe one of the nicest cocks I've ever seen. She's from Connecticut, but she moved for the competition.
Whoa. And they have the little, the knives.
Razors. Razors.
Razors, dude. They don't have hands to hold them.
Honestly, if you're going to about stuff like that At least see the fucking show I know But do they have the little razors Yeah Susan's cock is shredded Is there a company that makes that Or is it like dueling companies You know because in F1 we have the dueling car companies And this and that and brands So does like the razors have their own Oh companies that make the razors Yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I mean, cock cutters, that's out of Dallas, Texas, probably. They're the best? Yeah, cock cutters.
Anything from different lands or different country? Well, well. You think the Philippines probably would have? I don't know if I should mention this now, given what's going on in the world right now.
Yeah. Israel.
Israel probably made some of the best cock cutting tools of all time. Wow.
I mean, Israel probably made some of the best cock cutting tools. But they're not using them right now because of what's going on over there.
I see. But you could still probably get stuff from black market.
Like if I had a cock I was raising and I want the best Israeli. Cock cutter.
Cock cutter. Yeah.
I could probably get in the black market. Honestly, the black market has the best cocks.
Yeah. Some would argue that the black market has the best cocks, but.
The black market has the best cock cutters. And cocks.
And cocks. But people are so afraid to use them.
Well, they're probably must be heavy. Yeah.
I tell you, when they hit you, they hurt. I bet.
Yeah. Just lugging that around.
It's just bigger than normal. Yeah.
It's bigger than usual. I want lightweight, like NASA shit.
Right. If I had a cock, I would have lightweight, like a small little Asian one.
You want a tiny little Asian cock. Yeah, maybe from China.
Little China lightweight one. You can get into it.
There's different leagues. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You get a yellow league. There's a yellow card league.
There is? Yeah. I tell you what, once you get one of those black cocks, you never turn it back.
Once you get a black cock, you never turn it back. Oh.
Once you let that in the arena.

Right.

You'll never go back.

Never.

You'll never get a little Asian one.

Well, why would you?

It's just once you've graduated, you know?

Okay.

You don't go from a four-door car down to a fucking smart car.

You know, like you already have a sedan. Right.

I can't even know.

I didn't know.

You got to stay up there.

What's it called?

Top Cock on Netflix.

Top Cock on Netflix.

I think season three or four.

Carlos, what is it?

We watched it together.

We're on four now.

Four season. Season four.
We're binging it together. Wow.
What's the origin of cockfighting? I don't know anything about it. Where did it start? Yeah.
This is kind of like a history piece. If you're a history buff out there, people that were coming to South Florida from Cuba or the DR, mostly from Cuba.
Oh, Dominican Republic. Republic, yeah.
When they're floating over here, when they're rafting here, what ends up happening is you have to bring, you know, food and provisions and also pets and friends, and they all bring a cock with them, at least one cock. Right.
And when you bump into another raft, you have to go head-to-head, otherwise you could sacrifice your rations on the way in. Yeah.
They can basically def... I heard that one story 30 years ago where a cock still had his little...
andated deflated one of the other and they all drown i remember that that's partially where yeah i was like take them off and put it in the thing right but he went in and they sank and he was like your cock popped my rest and that was all right i remember that story yeah i know a little bit about it your cock sunk my battleship it was basically what happened right right a little bit yeah yeah that's interesting it was it's you got to watch top cock on netflix right now yeah it's great door dash tis the season to skip the in-store rush when the holidays knock answer with door dash my friends we've been using door dash for so long now before they were even sponsors of this show i love them we uh also are big fans of it when we're out of town on the road if i'm If I'm in Spokane, if I'm in D.C., if I'm in New York, if I'm in L.A., if I'm wherever, wherever, wherever, I get DoorDash. Do you know why? It's the most reliable one.
You want something to celebrate this holiday season? Be the host with the most and the guest with the best with DoorDash. Get missing ingredients, unexpected side dishes, and those last-minute gifts delivered fast.
Fast, baby, whether it's same-day delivery of gifts, groceries, or last-minute party essentials, DoorDash has got you covered. They got thousands of grocery and retail stores available nationwide.
If you've never used DoorDash, you don't know what you're missing out, but they also have DashPass. As a DashPass member, you can enjoy exclusive offers and perks all season long on stocking stuffers, decor, groceries, meals, and way, way more.
You also get zero delivery fees and reduced service fees on eligible orders too. How do they get it, Bob? Order now and get the holiday help you need from DoorDash.
Use code BFHOLIDAY to get 50% off to $10 value when you spend $15 or more at convenience, grocery, or select retail stores on DoorDash. That's right.
Order right now. Get the holiday help you need from DoorDash.
Use the code BFHOLIDAY to get 50% off up to a $10 value when you spend $15 more at convenience

grocery or select stores on DoorDash.

Terms apply.

Dr. Squatch.

Do you smell that?

Do you smell this wonderful bag?

What are you talking about?

Dude, that smell is who I want to be.

This is Dr. Squatch, my good friend.

You know, guys, years ago, I was looking for a soap because I don't like this you know the traditional ones and I got Dr. Squatch that's all I use now it's the best give me the wood barrel burden I want the wood barrel burden oh then give me the um that one you want birchwood yeah because you're very breezy you're a little breezy girl a lot of people don't know but this is the big deal with with bar soaps all right bar soaps are making a big big comeback a lot of people thought body wash was the way soaps are the best and here's, I'll tell you why.
This is 98% natural. You're not going to get all that other crap that other people put in there.
You're going to look, smell, feel good and you're going to be feeling good in your mind knowing that this is very natural, 98% without all sorts of nonsense in it for your skin. Let me just throw you out some of these smells here, buddy.
Give it to me. Cool fresh aloe soap, man.
Pine tar soap, fresh fall soap. We got bay rum soap, wood barrel bourbon soap, birch wood breeze soap.
Dude, they're all great. They're so really good.
This cool fresh aloe smells so nice. So good.
It's going to smell great on your skin. So right now, Dr.
Squatch is offering our listeners a huge savings. All new customers will get three free bar soaps.
three free bar soaps, plus free shipping with any purchase of three bars. Just go over right now to drsquatch.com slash badfriends to receive this buy three, get three offer.
That is drsquatch, D-R-S-Q-U-A-T-C-H.com slash badfriends to buy three soaps to get three free. It's time to get all the daily routine essentials you'll need to start feeling good and smelling like a man today.
I was going to say, Andrew, I've been to a real cock fight before in Bali. There's blood everywhere I had to get out.
From the cocks? There's cock blood all over the place? Yeah, it was crazy. Did they have a guy that comes up and cleans the cock blood? Because that sounds like a job from cone no as soon as there's blood i was like i gotta roll you know it's so funny because we took a comedy bit and made it sad and riffed riffed on it and then you brought reality into the game which sort of fucked up the momentum no it was really bad i mean it's like what are you doing it was funny i went I mean a lot of fucking birds died.
It was gnarly. Yeah, yeah, we get it like intense.
Yeah, yeah, it is disgusting. It is disgusting.
I'll tell you what's more disgusting. What dog fighting? Oh, I can't even don't even don't even don't even.
Okay, you want to hear something then? No, I don't want to know. I don't I hate it.
No, we're about anything. Listen, yeah, we're about about Listen We're about to get another dog And one of the dogs We're rescuing Was part of One of these Train kill shelters Oh I thought you were training A pit bull It has pit in it Yeah yeah It's mixed But is he nice Well I haven't met him yet We're about to go We want to go get him Okay Make sure though Make sure No dude You can They can reverse it, yeah.
But also this is their puppies. They're puppies.
Oh, they're puppies. Oh, good, good, good.
Yeah. I'd love to meet it.
We're trying to save them because it's crazy to think people fucking see a puppy and they're like, I'm going to make it a killing machine. Yeah, it's insane.
A puppy? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with people on earth? I think if you fuck with dogs and fuck up and hurt dogs, I think that should be a higher penalty than when you murder a human yeah well am i wrong my babies they have they're defenseless is the thing yeah a human can fight back if you killed a human but you had a reason for someone killing someone right like a gang that hates another gang there's reasoning and a human has defense animal a puppy has a dog has no defense.
What about cocks? Cocks are very defensive. Okay.
And their mood swings are insane. Sometimes they're kind of buckled in.
Sometimes they're really showing off. True, true.
You know what else videos I don't like? When people are, when their dog or cat is passing. When they have the music, they have some sort of.
I've never seen those videos. Your algorithm is different than mine.

Right?

And it's too white.

Right?

Why is it white?

Because we care?

No, because they want to show off their grief.

Let's be real.

Yeah, because when Asians...

They're like, okay, and go.

They're not crying beforehand.

Record.

Right?

And they do it, right? And they cut it off. They're like, They're like okay Well let's go You know what I mean Bye Bye Yeah yeah yeah You can keep it But I don't like it It makes me so sad Like I'm so sensitive to it I don't like it Yeah I don't like it either Anything with animals I don't like Here's another thing I fucking hate It makes me so fucking angry dude I saw a video once Where this guy Had his dog They're by a swamp.
And an alligator just comes out of nowhere and eats the dog. I saw that.
Yeah, and it's like, bro, lease it! Lease the fucking puppy! You know there's alligators in that shit! What are you doing, dude? Lease it! Yeah. There's a piece of me that- God!

Maybe that guy did that on my wrist.

Everybody that lives in Florida knows

there's alligators on those fuckers.

Oh, you think he purposely did this?

I think he was fucking-

A poodle.

It was a poodle, I think.

Well, maybe he was getting on his fucking nerves.

Do you think when the alligator burped,

like fur just-

What if the dogs were running around

and it was a Chinese guy that came out?

That'd be a switch. Thank you.
What if like the dogs were around And it was a Chinese guy that came out

That'd be a switch

Crocodile

Crocodile

He's just wearing a crocodile mask

Yeah

A full blown crocodile mask

That'd be so funny

Anyway yeah that drives me crazy What is this what is this thing what was you adamant to show us oh that this july a portuguese man in turkey was in prison for three weeks for looking gay go up to the top a man was arrested for looking gay and wearing crop top in turkey in prison for three weeks is he gay gay? No, I believe that he just looks gay. He's European.
Oh, stolen valor. Yeah, stolen valor.
Dude, dude, dude, that's a little too gay for me. That's the guy that got arrested for quote unquote not being gay? I mean, he's guilty.
He's fucking gay. Lock him up.
Carlo, he's guilty. Yeah, lock him up.
Somebody put a ring on that. If he's gay, I'm gay.
Fuck it, let's do it. Somebody put a ring and handcuffs on this guy.
Lock him up. So cute, though.
When the cops arrested him, he was like... First of all, in Turkey...
Turkey is not illegal to be gay. What's going on here? Is this your Thanksgiving stories for us? Right.
So what? Is it because he was wearing inappropriate clothing? Yeah, it's not illegal, but... Eligibility remains problematic despite certain legal advancements.
Homosexuality is decriminalized. Although homosexuality is decriminalized.
Wow, thank... Like, it's like weed.
It's decriminalized. You can have homos on you, but you can't be using them when we catch you.
Can't do it in public. Yeah, you can't do that in public.
Well, in some African countries... Do that in private.
You can do that stuff. You can do gay stuff in private, like weed, but you, but you can't there's some African countries that's death penalty

What do you mean if you're gay? There's some Middle Eastern countries or it's fucking death penalty

You go Google get caught in Middle East and half the places they'll fucking kill you. That's insane to me

Places that same to you

Yeah, what the fuck? I don't think it's even an argument if you wait those are the countries

Why'd they make them pink?

There's one little pink area in South America. Where's that? What country is that? Yeah.
Oh. What? Guyana.
Life in prison. Guyana.
Guyana. And gay is in it.
Yeah, yeah. Guyana.
Let's see how gay all these countries sound. Go over the name of it.
Let's see if it sounds gay. Chad.
Chad. I used to fuck a guy named Chad.
Yeah, yeah. I am Chad.
What else else Well you get fined 500,000 West African CFA France Oh that's like 30 bucks Indonesia I do know that It is criminal to be gay there Uzbekistan Stan That's pretty like Death by stoning Where? Stoning in Maritana Maritania you know why they do that they're trying to get attention I've never heard of this fucking country in my life where the fuck is that on the horn of Africa stoning Jesus Christ imagine the guy that's gotta go get the stones that's even more insane you gotta go get stones if you're getting stoned can you cover your face with your hands or no they tie you up it's a crazy shit you can't do this no you can but it's like no you can't no no they tie their hands behind their back 40 people no no oh well you've been to a couple I've seen spain i'm sure being by the way you guys have invented gay right let's not do a picture of it bud no i'm just what's that that's a stoning carl's like i actually went to a stoning one yeah there was blood everywhere what's that what's that right that is a stoning that's insane what is that i would go to one just to see all right a stoning yeah you're fucking disgusting he had a cock fight versus a stoning of a human being well the animals still like fight to the death yeah but at least they have a fair shot yeah the person getting stoned doesn't isn't throwing rocks by the way that's if you do get stoned and they just give you a few back to throw back to like all right let's go, let's go. Oh, yeah.
That'd be fair. Fight back? Yeah, yeah.
Well, it still wouldn't be fair. That guy threw a first stone when he sucked that dick, though.
Oh, my God. Jesus Christ.
I just got back from Texas. Yeah.
People in well-decorated interior houses should not be throwing stones. It is unbelievable how some parts of the world is just not the same.
I mean, it's like they're not. They just haven't caught up or they have these old traditions and rules it's weird yeah because we're so connected you know i mean through the internet that like i just can't see how it's possible what do you mean that did people have these weird rules like you know well these are based on thousands of years of them being indoctrinated with an idea of their most, 99% of that is religious based.
That homosexuality is against their religious practice. Yeah, but as a kid, I'm not kidding you.
My dad would be like, if you are still gay, everybody is going to die. I'm going to kill everybody.
Yeah. He would say stuff like that.
Yeah, thank God. Like everybody? Yeah, your friend, Charlie, Franco, they all die.lie franku they all die that's insane insane right he was just joking no he was like saying it was another one if you marry a vietnamese woman don't call well that i understand yeah yeah it's like i won't call then fuck you you know what i mean but even as a kid you listen to that you're six years old at dinner you know what i mean yeah if you get everybody and i'd be eating my you know korean food i'd be like that's insane that doesn't make any sense what did your mom say she's okay okay you're not gay you're not gay you know what i mean like try to play it off but it's like you hear all these things and even as a kid living in that house yeah i was able to go you know what that just sounds like insane and it doesn't make any sense yeah it doesn't it just doesn't seem right it doesn't seem right so it's like and you kind of so i'm just saying like these countries you don't there's not a kid they're going yeah this seems weird you would think there would be a bunch of kids i think but i think if everybody around you is speaking the same language it'd be hard to learn another one really like i just don't i just think if everyone dude if you're if you're only shown one thing and and particularly if you're shown that western culture is bullshit if they're talked about that we're bullshit that we're disgusting and against what they believe in their religious beliefs then of course they fucking hate us or you see like a group being oppressed and you're doing over the oppressive.
Like I would in my mind be like, no, this is not, this seems. You would think so, but that's only because you've gotten what you've got.
No, I think that, I mean, maybe I'm wrong and I don't know, but maybe I'm wrong. But I feel like no matter what society that I'm in, I would look at the circumstances and go, you know, that doesn't make any sense.
That's if you're lucky enough to be educated. No, I think it's just a thing.
No, but I'm saying if you're young and you're uneducated, Bob, you don't have these kind of... I was uneducated.
I've never read a book in my life. You grew up in America.
Okay, okay. You know what I mean? But do you guys understand what I'm saying? Uneducated and if your needs are not met, then you're thinking of other things like survival.
There's always a group of people that think like that in every country. Yeah, there's people that think...
You see how those women like march in Iran despite the fact that they were like- This is also helped because of the internet and knowledge, right? So for a long time, no one had knowledge of any other way. Like they would live kind of sheltered off.
So they would shelter people from learning about Western ideology and culture, about our freedom of sex and religion and blah, blah, blah. And I think a lot of that was like, that's an evil shit when they do read about it but now with the internet right they're privy to seeing way more that's why fucking north korea he can't doesn't have the fucking internet he doesn't want them to learn what the fuck's going on in the world because they'll all go what yeah we're we should leave we would get the fuck out yeah it's like for me like my dad beating me and my brother, right? It's like in my mind, I'm like, oh, I'm never going to do this to another human being.
But there are some kids that perpetuate that cycle and they do it to their own children. Yeah.
I guess I was just have this weird way of thinking. Maybe you're lucky that it turned out that way because you could be an abusive lunatic too.
I think it's now. Yeah, I think it's luck.
into you no i just think that some i don't know no i think you're lucky it's like that you could have turned out the other way i think it's also like this ability i don't know forget it it's not comedy but you know i just want to argue this fact that i see this in you know when people get sober right it's like um last week some guy just got sober that we know right and he was able to go inside himself and go you know um i think i have a problem you know i'm no longer in denial and i i think that if i keep doing this i can see down the road that i'm gonna lose everything so i'll stop here i've always been like that where i'm like you know i that, where I'm like, you know, I haven't lost anything. Like every time I get sober, I haven't lost anything, but I can feel in a year or two, if this behavior continues, that I will.
So I stop it here. Right.
And some people don't have that ability. They just go all the way to the end.
Yeah. They can't help it.
And I don't know why that is. Yeah.
But some people just have that. That that's right some people just can't help the way they react to how their inner demons or shortcomings or addictions or things control them that's my point is some people have traumatic things when they were a kid and they it's almost like this deep rooted thing they can't get rid of and you're very blessed that you're able to shift i don't think it's a gift i just i just don't understand it myself.
That's why it must be a gift. It's not you.
If it's not you, it's something else. It's the Lord.
It's the Lord Jesus Christ. The Lord Jesus Christ.
I knew who I was. It was the Lord Jesus Christ.
Our Lord and Savior. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Our Lord and Savior. And I'm sorry for that guy who got arrested for being gay in Turkey.
You come over here to West Hollywood. Yeah.
We'll open our arms and our buttholes to you and you're, even if you're not gay. I know he's not gay Yeah He looks gay though He does? Yeah I mean I feel like he's lying Have you been to the Abbey? I went years and years ago I used to go to the Abbey It was a little underrated Yeah I got hit on like Twice And I was a little let down I was like twice So I was I was wearing a crop top And everything Really? No That guy was So I I went to the Abbot with some straight guys And they met with some other gay friends And we're at a table Straight guy And one of the guys kind of put his hand on my knee From across the table And I go, oh no, no And he goes, oh I'm sorry, I read it wrong I just remember that What do you mean? I think I exude, you know, before people knew who I was Whatever I think I exude it Oh yeah Same What do you mean? Oh yeah one big time You do big time yeah Yeah If I take you to a gay bar No no no no What does that mean? If I took you to a gay bar They'd look at me and be like What is he doing here? And then go Just leave that one Get out of here Leave him and get out of here They'd think I was dropping you off Really? Yeah I think I would have been like One of.
No. Yeah, because he loved Asians.
He would have taken you back and been like, this one's too crazy. Too crazy, yeah.
No, but he really fit tiny little in-shape Asians, like little Twinkie boys. He liked Twinks.
You're saying I wouldn't fit in the drum? He liked... Yeah, you wouldn't fit in the drum.
Imagine him like... He's like a suitcase.
He's like sitting on it. Yeah.
He's got like 15 drums of... Bobby Lee.
15 drums of Bobby Lee. This egg roll just won't go down.
This egg roll just won't go down. This egg roll? Yeah, yeah.
I think that I would... Because, you know, if you watch the show, I think once I saw his you know If you watch the show

I think once I saw

His hallway

And his house

I would have been like

Ah

Yeah but they were

Unamored with this guy

They thought he was cute

Like a hot cool guy

Yeah right

He was cute

He was a charmer

Yeah yeah yeah

Or workman's boots

You know

Remember that thing

We should listen to

On Spotify

No no

The moth

But the moth

Yeah the moth

There was a great story

On the moth

About this

About a guy

Who had an interaction

With Dahmer

Yeah so he's basically

You guys know about this

Thank you. No, no, the moth.
The moth. Yeah, the moth.
There's a great story on the moth about this, about a guy who had an interaction with Dahmer. Yeah, so he's basically, you guys know about this? Yeah, we were in the car.
In the car, yeah. Yeah, for anyone that's listening.
No, give it to him. It's basically a guy that's, he was talking about something that happened to him in the 80s.
He didn't really come out, and somebody suggested you should go to this gay bar. So he went to this gay bar in Wisconsin, and this guy should come in.
And when you're listening to the thing, you don't think it's about Dahmer. And he's like, I started dressing like him and he's like, why wouldn't he hit on me? And he was always leaving with other guys.
And then a couple years later, he was teaching in New York and he saw the news. Insane.
How insane is that? He was coming into a sexual revolution as a college man who was becoming out of the closet. It's a great moth story.
I was wondering how many brushes of death I evaded. How many serial killers have I walked by? Not even knowing.
Maybe not. Also, just moments in life you could have died.
Yeah, like seconds away from it. even i took a left instead of a right you don't really hear about serial killers no more hi yeah they've got one that's active now there's one right now what's his name the guy that's out there he's doing his thing so there's a look at this there's a uh what's it called gilgo beach serial killer suspect rex howerman yeah uh texas serial killer pleads guilty to murder many juice there's so many there's too many that's why I thought there was none I liked my reality 10 seconds ago No it's they're out there I thought they solved it Well I think the problem is There's a mistake of thinking that a serial killer Has to be this like famous Notorious and killed hundreds or whatever But a lot of these guys they just they just kill dozens of people.
They're not as talented. Yeah, they're not as good.
They're getting caught fast. I mean, let's be honest.
Are they not as good or are they getting caught faster? They're not F1 drivers. They're the NASCAR of killing.
The NASCAR of serial killers. I mean, it's dark.
It's dark. But there are ones that are...
You know, you can see. They got potential? Not they got potential.
They just have their own thing going. I thing going I mean you gotta be Really good right now Yeah John Wayne Gacy The clown stuff So good Hiding the bodies Inside his mom's house So good In the walls of her home In the walls of her home Underneath Very good You can't do that anymore though Well there's Forensics Oh I know it's too hard And cameras Yeah yeah yeah Can we talk about, there's too much.
Like, do you think if the Zodiac, because they have never caught him, the Zodiac, you think if it happened now that we'd be able to catch him? Yeah. I think so.
With the fucking phones. But also, I think sometimes like simple shit can get away.
Like the woman at the, one of the dealers at the casino, a guy that was sitting at my table made a joke. He goes, what if I just grabbed that whole tray and just ran out of here? And he goes, yeah, I'd get tackled or shot right away, right? And she goes, yeah, but we had a guy not too long ago grabbed a whole tray and just ran out of here and he goes yeah i'd get tackled or shot right away right and she goes yeah but we had a guy not too long ago grabbed a whole tray ran outside into a car that was waiting in like one of the turnarounds and actually got away but at the place where he was sitting you know because he was sitting faking playing cards for a while he left his id she was like yeah even the cop was like he's like the joker leaving his calling card Well that's happened before Killers leaving their license or wallet At the fucking crime scene Don't bring it And why do you have your actual ID You're not going to get carded You're 40 You're fine You imagine a killer goes into a place but he gets carded And he's it's like why he's like i'm going in there to kill somebody i don't want to leave any evidence the honest killer yeah and the bouncer's like all right get in there man you're not gonna kill anybody i don't like i don't like the fact that i've been in groups of people where everybody gets carded and then they look at me and they go go ahead man and you're like just card me anyway no I'm in line they probably recognize you because you're famous no because I have an old face I got an old weathered face I still get carded sometimes that's because they want to make sure it's you they're like is this that guy because all Asians look alike they're like this just could be another Asian right tell me I'm wrong they literally bo? Touche.
All I'm going to say is touche. That's interesting.
Maybe you're right. I think you're just, you know, you're one of those guys.
I went to a cocaine party on Saturday night. Wait, wait.
I don't know how interesting it is, though. Cocaine parties are always interesting.
It might end nowhere, but yeah, I went to a billionaire's house and partied. Wait, wait, Saturday night? I smoked a bullpen.
In Austin? I didn't do cocaine. In Austin? In Austin, yeah.
You went to Joe Rogan's house and did cocaine? No, no. So you did a show.
I'm hanging out with Tony Hinchcliffe. He's got a billionaire friend.
He takes me and a bunch of comics. We go to this beautiful house.
Elon Musk. How many people are there? 50.
Hot chicks? Yeah. Hot dudes? All the chicks are hot.
They're like all from different countries. Wow.
I'm like, they're looking at me like, what is it? You know? But then they get to talk. Why is the servant in street clothes? But then by conversation, they're all like, I love her.
Isn't that Ellen DeGeneres? I was dancing for him. You were dancing? Oh, yeah.
They all thought I was Ellen. It was just a joke, okay? No, but I leaned in.
Be honest. Did you go skiing? No, no, no.
But it was everywhere. You didn't hit the slopes? No, no, no.
Jess, you can be honest. I used to do it.
I'm all transparent. No Coke near you.
No, I can't. Honestly, if you ever did it and you died from fentanyl overdose or whatever, I would be so mad, yeah.
I know. Don't do it.
Just test it. Ketamine? Oh, yeah, you can test it.
You can test it and get Narcan. You're fine.
Go do Coke. I can't.
It's too addictive. I used to do so much of it.
Yeah. That's why I can't do it.
Even when I saw it at the party, I was like I could had to hold my we're all the hot model chicks doing coke I I Didn't actually like see people doing the coke. It was just like on the table.
It was just obvious Conversations were there could I if I was there and I was using do I have to ask or can I just do it? If you like I could do you go whose is this? it looked like. Excuse me.
Yeah. Whose Coke is this? Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Is this your Coke? Yeah. Is that cool? Okay.
That's what I would do. No.
You wouldn't do. So there's Coke at the, what if somebody, you're doing it like, hey dude, that's my Coke.
Well, then you go like this and you just put it right back out. Sorry, my bad.
Yeah, yeah. If you showed up to a party and they knew you were using it, everybody would be giving you coke.
You would leave with extra coke. Could I shoot heroin right there or not? To coke bags.
At a coke party, can you shoot heroin? No, it's a little faux pas. It is? That's what I thought.
What about other drugs like ice? What's ice? Everybody wants to smoke ice. Meth.
Cocaine was out like a bowl of chips. Anyone could could go in there.
Wow. And there was a DJ who played like guitar and DJed and sing.
He was on cocaine. Yeah.
Any guy that's doing that much music. I think I'm going in a couple of weeks I'm going to Austin.
I want to ask. You are? Yeah, I'm going to ask Tony.
I want to ask Tony if he's going to take me to a cocaine party. No.
No, just to hang out. I'm not going to do it.
Don't go to that house. What? I just want to see what it's like.
Too much there. Too much available.
Carlos is nodding his head. He knows.
Yeah, don't hang out with fucking Tony in Austin. Why? He's fun to hang out with.
No, I'm saying don't go to the coke house is what I'm saying. I'm saying don't go to the coke house.
Was William Montgomery there? No, no. Love him.
William is sober. He has skin cancer.
He went and got it removed, though.

Oh, good.

Thank God.

Jesus Christ.

Melanoma.

Yeah, but he's doing good. Love that guy.

Melanoma's been hunting me down for years.

Really?

I mean, what do you mean?

What the fuck?

Like, I mean, do you have cancer?

I have a lump in my armpit.

Let me see your lump.

Right here.

Is it a bump lump?

It's a big lump in my armpit.

It's a lump, yeah.

Yeah.

Underneath, inside your skin?

Inside my skin.

You gotta go get it checked out.

Why? Bobby. take a guess why what do you have lymphatic cancer or something like that that's where your lymph nodes are underneath your armpits it's dying down oh it's gone down a little bit oh you're fine don't worry about it you go get it checked out yeah i went to the doctor i had to go get you know how hard it was for him to call he called me and and was like, oh man, your fucking, your levels are elevated.
I was like, what? Yeah.

It's such a bummer to like hear it.

Yeah.

He's like, I gotta put you on cholesterol medication.

I'm sorry.

He said, and he said your sugars were high.

I was like, I don't even eat sugar.

Yeah.

I don't even eat sugar.

Carbs.

Huh?

Carbs.

I don't eat that many carbs.

Skinnier than you, fat ass. But can I be honest with you?

I think I need you guys to really push me into getting healthier.

Really?

I'm at the level.

Hike with me.

No, he's not going to do that.

No, I'm at the level. Hike with me.
No, he's not going to do that. No, I'm at a level.
Well, let's find something to- I can feel my body. I don't feel right.
Hot yoga. You said you want to do that.
That'll make you feel so good. You'll sweat out.
I honestly need help. I don't feel good.
Let's start a program. We'll start a program.
I really don't feel good. Like neck hurts.
I'm groggy. I'm weak.

Let's start a program.

What should it be?

The Bobby Healthy Lee.

The Uh-Oh Hot Dog Workout Program.

I just did Dylan Francis' music video and had a dance in it.

And it was like.

Exhausting.

Just, I almost died.

Well, how about this?

If you are bad friends out there

and you have any health tips for Bobby,

please let us know about your health tips.

I need help.

We really need to know

how we can get him back to square one.

Oh, I have one idea.

Give Andrew full control

of your DoorDash account

and any food delivery account.

That's actually very interesting.

And anytime you're hungry,

you will order you the food.

You hit me up

and I'll order for you.

That's actually fucking brilliant.

What?

That's actually fucking brilliant.

I have to get my Pinkberry.

Well, you work out

the deal with him.

You might be the only guy

in LA that still eats pink berry.

You know, Gene, too. We're addicted to it.

It's you, too. We love it.
It's dog shit.

Ah.

I think the market share showed

how bad it was. They opened a thousand,

they have like four left. It's a nostalgia.

Yeah, it's dog shit. What is it?

Ice cream? No. No, it's a shame.

It's disgusting. It's not disgusting.
You get the

malt crunch with it?

What is it? Pink berry with malt crunch.

It's frozen yogurt. It was like a tart

Thank you. ice cream? No.
No, it's a shame. It's disgusting.
It's not disgusting. You get the malt crunch with it? What is it? Pinkberry with malt crunch.
It's frozen yogurt. It was like a tart frozen yogurt.
Yeah, yeah. And there was a hype for it.
When I first moved to LA, it became like a big thing. I love it.
And they shut it down. I love it.
Because Starbucks bought it. No, it's because everyone realized it was shit.
And they were like, fuck this. Let's just have ice cream.
Anyway. Ice cream for life.
What would you order? For life. You'd have to get a salad every once in a while.
I'm going to get you, yeah. I think it would be more of restricting.
Jersey Mike's going to get that? No. I'm going to read you what I get.
You can get sub in a tub. Yeah, no, that's so disgusting.
What's a sub in a tub? It's literally like all the ingredients for the sub, but in a plastic tin.

In a tub.

Instead of a- No bread.

No bread.

Okay.

There's a sub in a tub right there.

It's actually delicious.

It looks so gross though.

It's just a salad.

That's sub in a tub.

What's wrong with that?

Sub in a tub.

Sweet green salad's way better than that.

It's just the ingredients without bread.

Okay.

Look at the second one.

That's sub in a tub.

That's traditional how they do it with a turkey one.

Okay, I'll get sub in a tub. I've gotten it before.
It's not that big. It's actually great.
All right. Okay.
Look at the second one. That's sub in the tub.
That's traditional how they do it with like a turkey one. Okay, I'll get sub in the tub.

I've gotten it before.

It's not that big.

It's actually great.

All right.

Okay.

Anyway, thank you for being a bad friend.

Bye. Yeah Woo Yeah

Woo

Yeah