Rudy's One Piece Birthday

Speaker 1 Merch! You got merch and check this hat out. I've been wearing it on stage.
Have you seen me? Look at this, dude. Look at this shirt.
This is the OG shirt. The OG design OG design is back.
Yep.

Speaker 1 And also, bad friends on the back. In the back.
The cute little faces on the front. Bad friends on the back.
Go to bad friendsmerch.com.

Speaker 1 We also have coffee mugs for people that like coffee and beautiful beanies in a couple different colors. But go get some OG merch.
We're releasing new stuff as we go.

Speaker 1 Bob and I are in a competition to see who can design the best shirt. But for now, you want the OG original stuff.
Happy holidays. Happy holidays.
Get this for someone that you love.

Speaker 1 Go to badfriendsmerch.com, badfriendsmerch.com.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, guys, we're on tour. We're going to go to Minneapolis, Minnesota.
Minnesota. What happened to Minnesota? Every day for a summer.
Every day for a summer. Minneapolis, Minnesota.

Speaker 1 Then we go to Madison, Wisconsin to end this year. Madison, Wisconsin, and Minneapolis.
Next year, we're bouncing around. Atlantic City, Salt Lake City, Temecula, Reno,

Speaker 1 Sacramento, Long Beach, Long Beach, Snoop Dogg. Windsor, Ontario, bro.
Windsor, Ontario, Canada. Then we go to Niagara Falls, Tucson, and where do we end 420? Las Vegas, Vegas, Nevada.

Speaker 1 Gotta come see us. Go to badfriendspod.com.
Badfriendspod.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 3 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 happy birthday. Happy birthday.

Speaker 1 I'm Zorro.

Speaker 1 Monkey.

Speaker 1 Is his name monkey? Monkey be monkey. Monkey, what? Get this out of my head.
It's okay, kiddo. Help it.
Flip the hold on. I'll be over.
No, you're fine.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 Monkey L.

Speaker 1 Monkey De Luffy. Monkey D.
Loofy. Monkey D.
Loofy. Monkey D.
Loofy. Monkey De Luffy.
Monkey De Luffy. Monkey De Luffy.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. Look at a one-piece blanket.
One-piece blanket for you.

Speaker 1 Are you excited? Are you excited for it? It's the best.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And we got you a gift down there.

Speaker 1 We have the script for the two-piece.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Two-piece and three-piece. And it's going to be.
Your one-piece, two-piece, three-piece. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Can you guys

Speaker 3 do your famous lines?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You ready?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 1 I practice. Oh, yeah, you practice it.

Speaker 1 Right? Okay.

Speaker 1 To the window,

Speaker 1 to the walls.

Speaker 1 Till Zoro's got big balls. Oh, these one-piece crawl.
Oh, that's not it. Carlos, that's what he sent me.
This is what she sent me.

Speaker 1 I live on the treetops with my Montgomery Ward pass. Yeah.
Is that not it?

Speaker 1 What's my famous line? That's not the line. What's my famous line?

Speaker 1 That's the beginning. He says Montgomery Ward.
That's why you betrayed me. What is the line I'm supposed to say? Yeah, what's the line?

Speaker 3 So you have three swords.

Speaker 3 You attack with three swords.

Speaker 1 Three is un who holds the third one? My dick? Mouth. I hold it in my mouth.
Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 I go, sing, sing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. How can he he say his line with the

Speaker 1 mouth?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Zorro says it.

Speaker 1 What? Zoro says it. What does Zoro say?

Speaker 3 Santorio.

Speaker 1 Santorio. Santorio.
What is Monkey Man?

Speaker 3 You say, Gama Gamma Bazooka.

Speaker 1 Gama Gama Gabazooka.

Speaker 1 Santoro.

Speaker 1 Santoro.

Speaker 3 Santorio.

Speaker 1 Shut up, dude. I'm doing it.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Santorio.

Speaker 1 Kama Kama Kucha. What was mine?

Speaker 3 Gama gama bazooka. Okay, I got right.

Speaker 1 Hold on, hold on. Gama gamma kuba bazooka.
Go ahead. Santorio.

Speaker 1 Kama gama bazooka.

Speaker 3 And your

Speaker 3 hand stretches really far because you're a rubber.

Speaker 1 You got a big finger. Oh, this is my finger or my hand?

Speaker 3 Any.

Speaker 1 Any? Okay, right. We'll do it again.
Here, ready?

Speaker 3 You gotta make it serious.

Speaker 1 We are.

Speaker 3 Be serious.

Speaker 1 Santoro.

Speaker 1 Gama Kama Bazooka.

Speaker 1 If that's not it, now clap for us. Happy birthday, Rudy Jules.
What did you get in the bag there? And how old are you today? 40? 22. Ooh, those lines in your face are bad.
You do look old.

Speaker 1 It's nausea.

Speaker 3 I don't believe you got this. This is from Andres.

Speaker 1 No way. That's from me and Bobby.
We went to the fucking bitch. We went to the store yesterday.
We went to the Lil Tokyo. Lil Tokyo.
No. Yeah, we did.
Yeah, we did.

Speaker 1 We went to Lil Tokyo yesterday, dude. Santorum.

Speaker 1 This is the best. What is it? It's Nazika.
It's Nazika. That's great.

Speaker 1 Where I picked that.

Speaker 1 Nazi. No, you did.
He picked it up. First edition.

Speaker 1 It's the first one they printed. Isn't that incredible?

Speaker 3 Thank you, Andres.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's so ungrateful. It's so disrespectful.
Disrespectful.

Speaker 3 I know. Andres got this voice.

Speaker 1 Okay, can I also say this on the car? She goes, you know, I she goes, I'm a loser. I have no friends.
She said, Do you're not saying that I have no friends? And I go,

Speaker 1 Well, you're friends with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. That's not good enough.
Pretty huge, I would say. I would say pretty fucking huge, dude.

Speaker 1 And you also got Son Toro.

Speaker 1 Where's Gama? Come on, dude. No, but I want to see the doll.
If I don't have a. Oh, wait, wait.
When I do mine, you do have to do. I know, but Son Toro.

Speaker 1 And then there's Zaro. It's a bird! Relax,

Speaker 1 relax! Happy birthday! Okay, let's see. There's no Kama Gama.

Speaker 1 Sun Toro!

Speaker 1 Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo, dog. What's a Kama Gama?

Speaker 1 Monkey Monkey. I thought she would want the Zoro only, not Monkey.
Monkey. Why am I dressed like this now? Bobby, Bobby, we were the ones that brought those gifts.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 We were the ones that brought the store. Yes.
I bought four of them. We left the store.
We left the store. We had to go get it.
So, how happy are you today?

Speaker 3 10 out of 10.

Speaker 1 10 out of 10. Good gift giving.
Good gift, gift, gig, giving. And let me say this to you.
Now let's transition back into the show. Enough of her nonsense.

Speaker 1 So you're pissed off at Carlos, and because your best friend Andrew, okay?

Speaker 1 Can I say this too? So funny. I don't even, we have to air this.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 You, man. What? That fucking Zoom meeting, you made me look a fool.

Speaker 1 You have another one. You made me look like a fool.
Why?

Speaker 1 Don't ever do that again. Well, for the the nook fans.
And now they think I'm a fucking asshole. No.

Speaker 1 So for the fans, no,

Speaker 1 we are creating new merch shirts,

Speaker 1 my edition and Bob's edition, and we're going to see which one you guys like the most.

Speaker 1 And all we had to do was call a Zoom, a 10-minute Zoom with the merch company, to pitch what we wanted our editions to be, our special edition.

Speaker 1 And how did he mess that up?

Speaker 1 What's wrong? What's up? What happened?

Speaker 1 What happened? What do you mean? What happened on the Zoom that you are mad at him? Yeah, he did it. What did he do? He set it up.
And so why are you mad? I wasn't ready.

Speaker 1 Okay, we've known about it for weeks. I got him.
I told him. For weeks.
I told him I wasn't ready. You told him you weren't ready.
I told him I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready.
I wasn't ready, right?

Speaker 1 Because you have to do it. I'm not ready.
Got it. And then he puts me in the Zoom.
Yeah. And now they think I'm an asshole.
And I know this happened. I know that after I was off,

Speaker 1 you had to apologize on my behalf. Like, I don't know.
I'm sorry, guys. Right? Not at all.
They're so used to working with artists.

Speaker 1 I don't like the way he just said that. You know what he just said? They're so used to working with

Speaker 1 Primadonna. Yeah, Primadonna.

Speaker 1 Difficult people. Is that what you're saying? That's what he said.
I wasn't being difficult. You fucked me.
And you put me in a difficult situation. I have another one on Monday.
This coming Monday.

Speaker 1 That's tomorrow. Yeah, what time?

Speaker 1 At 1 p.m.

Speaker 1 I can't hear you that well when you're not talking to me. At 1 p.m., it's in your calendar.
Yeah. You're going to have to push it.

Speaker 1 I don't know it. I don't know anything.
It's the middle of the night, 1 p.m. But he chose a time.

Speaker 1 You're going to push it to Tuesday. Okay.

Speaker 1 Honestly, push it to. I don't know that.
Don't get... See? That's...

Speaker 1 Chill, chill, chill. Oh, no.
Santorum!

Speaker 1 Come on, bazooka! Let me just say, can I just, I want to say this, okay?

Speaker 1 Okay, I want to say this, okay? Yes. Don't act like I'm having the attitude.
Okay. Okay.
You're having the attitude. Right.
All right. I'm just being me.
I'm not ready.

Speaker 1 We're really taking it away from her birthday. Happy birthday.

Speaker 1 So listen, um, you're 22,

Speaker 1 that's amazing. You have no friends in America, you said.

Speaker 1 You're um, just working constantly.

Speaker 1 Who is that?

Speaker 1 Oh, my god, wow, sorry, sorry, it's hard to see. No, you have to answer it, you have to answer it.
You have to answer it.

Speaker 3 It's Matas,

Speaker 1 answer it,

Speaker 1 speaker,

Speaker 3 Matas,

Speaker 3 no poco podcast.

Speaker 1 Oh, no pocos podcast. No poco podcast, no popcos podcast, no podo podcop, no pocos podcast.
Huh?

Speaker 1 Bye, bye, bye. Show us, show us.

Speaker 1 Santoro!

Speaker 3 Okay, bye, Matas, bye.

Speaker 1 She didn't want to see us. She didn't want to see us at all.
She was so

Speaker 1 upset. We have something else for.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. It's Jolly Bee Spaghetti.
Jolly Bee Spaghetti.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday. That's enough.
That's enough. That's enough.
No, no, no. She doesn't get the whole song.
That's insane. Okay, then.
You have to make voice.

Speaker 1 Macon, good job lighting seven of the ten candles.

Speaker 1 Close your eyes. Hold on.
Got to make it. No, let her have the other ones unlit.
That does, that's a symbolic.

Speaker 1 What'd you wish for?

Speaker 3 Nothing. Good.

Speaker 1 Good. Well, you got it.
And you got it. Let her eat the spaghetti.
You have to manifest something, man. Yeah, you got to manifest something.
You have to manifest something, man.

Speaker 1 Why don't you manifest a little bit of friendship here in the United States? Just close your eyes right now and manifest something. Okay.
Try it again. Think.
We'll all think together for you. Okay.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
What'd you think? Friends, friends, friends, friends, friends. Four of them.
That's it. Friends, friends, friends, friends, friends.
Five. Five.
That's good.

Speaker 1 Five friends? That's great. Let's hope you get a friend.
So it'll be like the show. Friends.
Six people. Well, five now.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. It was right there.
That was so good. I'm sorry.
It was right there. I sent you up.
That was great. I'm sorry.
It was right there. Yeah, yeah, five.
Five people. And you know what? What?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Son total.

Speaker 1 I gotta take this out. It's fine.
No, you have to leave it on. It's for her birthday.
I hate it.

Speaker 3 You're the captain.

Speaker 3 He loves the cat, the hat.

Speaker 1 Just move it back out of your eyes a little bit.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Good? Yeah. Good boy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, so he's. Oh, wait, wait, wait.
What kind of captain?

Speaker 3 What are you. He's the captain of his ship.

Speaker 1 The

Speaker 1 pirate. How many people are on the ship?

Speaker 3 There's you, Zoro, Nami, Sanji.

Speaker 1 She's saying five, five or six people.

Speaker 3 Chopper,

Speaker 3 um, Brooke, Frankie, Jinbei.

Speaker 1 Oh, can you handle that kind of responsibility? That's a lot of people on your ship. No, but can I kick Jimbei off? You!

Speaker 3 Luffy's really irresponsible, so you're the same.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 3 Luffy, the captain.

Speaker 1 So the captain is an irresponsible captain?

Speaker 3 Yeah, he doesn't do anything.

Speaker 1 I thought I was the captain. Yeah, you're Luffy.
I'm Luffy, too? Your name is Luffy. You're

Speaker 1 a monkey then. What's a monkey part?

Speaker 1 What's his name? Luffy the monkey. D.
Luffy. Oh, Monkey D.
Luffy. My bad.
Isn't that it? Monkey De Luffy. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so, no, what I was saying is that being a captain of an eight-man ship doesn't seem that important. I don't know, dude.
Well, double dun tiger belly cruise.

Speaker 1 Wow. We got to turn off that guy's mic.
Wow, wow, wow. So here's the deal.
You know what? I'm not doing that fucking meeting.

Speaker 1 Thanks, I'm not doing the meeting. Thanks, Fancy.
Yeah, go ahead. What's the deal? Are you excited to eat your spaghetti, your Jolly Bee spaghetti?

Speaker 3 Yeah, and I even have the peach mango pie.

Speaker 1 We each got a peach mango pie from Jolly Bee. So thank you to the boys.
A very good birthday to Rudy Jules.

Speaker 1 Now, in an effort to exercise your anger, being your best friend on planet Earth, what I've done is something very special. Look over to your right at Carlos.
Look over to your right.

Speaker 1 You look to the left. That's the funniest thing I've ever done.
Like there's a meeting.

Speaker 1 No, but there's camera left.

Speaker 1 No, I said, look to your right. Look to your right, kiddo.
But I've been on sets before, so I just went. Camera left.
Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 So you see that thing that McCona's holding in his hand? Yeah. This is great.

Speaker 1 Because you were upset at Carlos and I wanted to make up for how angry you were at this idiot and you wanted to fire him, you didn't want him back.

Speaker 1 So I said, you have to make up for the fact that you guys shocked him. So that is a butt plug that is remote controlled.

Speaker 1 He is going to put that in his tush. And at any time during the show, you're allowed to make it go off.
Number one, I have to see it go in. Yeah, duh.
And I have to, first of all, I need the.

Speaker 1 Before it goes in, I need it to see if the remote control works. You can feel it and test it.
McConnell, get over it.

Speaker 1 Bring it over, man. Here, put on.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 when we do segments like this, it does remind me why I don't want anybody to watch this show.

Speaker 1 That I receive. It's family.
Yeah, I just can't have anybody watch it.

Speaker 1 So there's an app for it. There's an app.

Speaker 1 And you can feel it.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 Let me feel it. And there's all different sensations.
But it feels good, though. It's going to feel good to him.
I don't think so. Okay.
That whole thing's going in his butt.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good. Put it on the mic.
That's real good. Put it up to the mic so they can hear it when it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's good. He can move it around.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Can I just do something real quick? Yay! No, just.

Speaker 1 Yikes.

Speaker 1 I want one of these.

Speaker 1 You can have it when the day is done. Okay, okay, good, good, good.

Speaker 1 How does it charge? Can I have this? Yeah. Okay, great.

Speaker 1 I have the plug.

Speaker 1 How funny is that? When Bobby asks for a brand new charged vape, he'll also want this charged. You're like, Carlos,

Speaker 1 my butt plug.

Speaker 1 Is it charged? So let me bend over and put this in.

Speaker 1 Turn this off first.

Speaker 1 It's on, it's still on.

Speaker 3 Wait, Carlos, don't you have to clean your butt?

Speaker 1 Wait, clean your butt?

Speaker 1 There's going to be poo.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Was it off? It's off.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, what do you mean?

Speaker 1 He wants to go all the way. You want him to clean the actual tube? Yeah, inside.
No, there's...

Speaker 1 I don't think that's how it works. Yeah, bend over.
When does he go in?

Speaker 1 This part is for Patreon. Sorry.

Speaker 1 And the honest truth is, I wasn't really that mad about it. Yeah, you weren't even that mad? About the thing.
So, was it worth putting a butt plug in him that vibrates?

Speaker 1 I don't think so, because I think deep down it said he he likes it. He's into it.
Right. This was a way for him to just get us to pay for a butt plug in there.
Yeah, he yeah.

Speaker 1 So that's really what that was. Yeah.
What's the matter? Happy birthday, by the way. Happy birthday.

Speaker 3 That was the gift?

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was the girl. You didn't like that gift? You don't think that was gift-worthy?

Speaker 3 I don't think I can eat my Spaghetti again.

Speaker 1 Oh, come on. Come on.

Speaker 1 I gotta take it out and put it outside. Says who? Why? The captain.

Speaker 1 Santoru!

Speaker 1 I thought it was gonna be in the whole show. Oh, I thought you were gonna vibrate, though.
I thought if no one was in the middle of the. No, just keep it in.

Speaker 1 Just keep it in, dude.

Speaker 1 It feels good.

Speaker 1 I like the ideas there. A home.
It's home. I don't like it homeless.
Okay. It's where it belongs.
I fucking hate this thing. Just put on the strap on your chin.
There you go.

Speaker 1 Okay. This is for her birthday.
I know, you're right. I'm doing it for her birthday.
Do you feel you feel like this is everything you've ever wanted for your birthday?

Speaker 3 Yeah, this is the best.

Speaker 1 So you're saying that, like, the popular kids in college don't like you?

Speaker 3 No, I'm just saying I don't think I can like relate.

Speaker 1 Like, why, in what way? Like, what do they talk about that you can't relate to?

Speaker 3 They're just like, so, like, you know how I'm always tired and I'm always so sleepy,

Speaker 3 And then them they're just like

Speaker 3 alive and they know like the trendy things.

Speaker 1 Oh like give me a trendy thing that they like shoes or what is it? What's trendy?

Speaker 3 I don't know like right now they went to um camp Flogna.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah. Oh yeah yeah.
Total the creators concert. Yeah I know that stuff.
Camp Flogna. And you and you didn't go? No.
Why were you invited?

Speaker 3 No,'cause I don't know any of the what?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Do you know any of the artists? Any of the performers? Oh.

Speaker 1 Like that.

Speaker 1 I'm not cool like that. I see.
Okay. But you're cool in your own little way.
Yeah. You've got your own cool things.
You like One Piece.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like if One Piece was in.

Speaker 3 I would go.

Speaker 1 Lake Mongo. What's it called? Lake Mongo?

Speaker 1 Phlagna. Oh, Flagna.
One Piece is a cartoon. What's Lake Mongo? No, Flagna is a

Speaker 1 Morongo is what you're thinking. No, Lake Mongo is something.
What are you talking? There's no Lake Mongo. There's a Lake Mongo, dude.
I've heard of Lake Mongo. It's a movie.
I've been there.

Speaker 1 Lake Mongo. It's a movie.
Lake Mongo. Oh, yeah, yeah.
That's Australia. Oh, okay.
It's a horror movie. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I might have to poop soon. All right.
Oh, you take it out. No,

Speaker 1 I think you just think that way. Yeah, just take it out.
Just take it out. Just take it out.
Go have Macon take it out with you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go take it out. Okay.

Speaker 1 The last couple of podcasts have been weird, huh? Very. Is it us? No, well, this is very weird, but this was fun.
But you wanted payback to the guy. He shocked you.
I know.

Speaker 1 We thought you'd be shocking him during the show with that.

Speaker 1 But I got to tell you, he liked it way too much. Yeah.
Go take it out, dude. I am.
I'm just looking for some.

Speaker 1 What's the matter? Uh-oh. I don't know.
You got COVID?

Speaker 3 No, it's just, I keep thinking of his poo.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 No, I get it. I get it.
I get it.

Speaker 3 Are you guys into anal stuff?

Speaker 1 No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Have you tried? No.

Speaker 1 My counselor says, no, no, no. You don't like that stuff.
No, no, no. You don't like that stuff.
Like, my priest, I go, I don't like it. And he goes, oh, come on.
Come on. I go, I don't like it.

Speaker 1 Come Come on.

Speaker 1 I want to get into heaven.

Speaker 1 I know that was disturbing, but I do want to see you eat that spaghetti because it's delicious Jolly Beef spaghetti. Okay.
So enjoy the spaghetti for your birthday for your 12th.

Speaker 1 How old is it, though? The spaghetti? Yeah. They got it this morning at 7 a.m.

Speaker 1 That's so fun. Enjoy it.
Yeah, it's not that bad. It's a day old.

Speaker 1 Is the spaghetti in America different than the one in the Philippines?

Speaker 3 This one's like sweet spaghetti. That's like the thing in the Philippines.

Speaker 1 They put sugar in the

Speaker 1 but but in America they don't put the sugar?

Speaker 3 I don't know the recipe, but it's a sweet spaghetti.

Speaker 1 Have you tried it? No. No.
Do you want to know? No, thank you. No, thank you.
Definitely no. Thank you.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But is the is the

Speaker 1 McDonald's different in the Philippines?

Speaker 3 I don't know. I've never I haven't tried McDonald's there in like years.

Speaker 1 Are the McDonald's up in the trees or are they at ground level? Up in the trees. You gotta go get it, huh? That's why it's probably that's why everyone stays skinny.
That's too it takes too long.

Speaker 1 Also, is Ronald McDonald's makeup just running down? Because it's so humid there.

Speaker 1 Is it

Speaker 1 sweaty Ronald McDonald's? Yeah, he looks like the Joker, probably. He does, yeah.
Why is all CBS?

Speaker 1 Why is all this idiot?

Speaker 1 Ronald McDonald's Joker.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 hit me.

Speaker 1 Insane. Insane.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Batman in

Speaker 1 Philippines must be the big bat. It's just

Speaker 1 a gigantic Batman.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 It's a bat village. Yeah.
Was it good? The spaghetti, Jolly B?

Speaker 3 Good.

Speaker 1 Well, happy, happy 22nd birthday.

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Speaker 1 That's ZocDoc, Z-O-C-D-O-C.com/slash bad friends. ZocDoc.com slash bad friends.
Bad friends.

Speaker 1 Let's do positives. Positives.
Let's say things that we feel about Jules.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's good. Okay, I'm glad you're a part of the Bad Friends family.
All those years ago,

Speaker 1 three years ago, was it? No? Since the beginning. Almost four.
Almost four years. Four years.
We're having our 200th episode. Amazing.
That's going to come up in the new year.

Speaker 1 And surprise for the news. You've done 200 of these? We will be.
Oh, my God. And we're going to be going to Vegas to celebrate for the holidays.
We're going to do a holiday party.

Speaker 1 We're having a nice day. Oh, I can't wait.
So, listen, here's, can I say what I want to say?

Speaker 1 I may never have children.

Speaker 1 Why are you laughing? Okay. I may never have children.
And

Speaker 1 I may, and even if that, I may never have a daughter. But I think you've given me a glimpse into maybe what it might be like.

Speaker 1 And it's been

Speaker 1 a fucking disaster. Okay.
No, I know. It's been

Speaker 1 great.

Speaker 1 Watching you grow. You're a hard worker.
You're a nice kid. And I love you so much.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Chito. What do you think about it? I may never have children.

Speaker 1 And if I ever do get to have one, don't go racial then. I hope to God she's not brown.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 you are a great young lady now.

Speaker 1 You're growing up on our show, which is crazy. Crazy.
You're an adult.

Speaker 1 And I hope the future is so bright for you. And I hope you get to stay in America much longer.
Because I know when Trump gets back in again, he is going to change around some of those rules. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He is going to probably remove. I mean, the Philippines is probably the first to go, don't you think? Yeah.
They got to go.

Speaker 3 But I want to stay.

Speaker 1 I know, but just Trump's rules, baby. You got to get behind the T.
You're going to have to marry McCone.

Speaker 3 What's Mary McCone? Oh, McCone?

Speaker 1 Who's Mayor McCone? She said he is Mayor McCone. Mayor McCone.
Well, you could marry McCone just for the green card. Yeah, for the green card.
To stay. Yeah.

Speaker 3 Can't I just hide?

Speaker 1 You'd rather hide

Speaker 1 like Helen Keller. Like Ilian Gonzalez.
Look what happened to him. They ended up finding him.
Was Helen Keller hiding? What was what girl that was hiding? Was Helen Keller hiding? No.

Speaker 1 Helen Keller was blind and deaf. You're talking about Anne Frank.
For Anne Frank, Anne Frank. She was hiding.
By the way, Helen Keller was deaf and blind. Often she was hiding without knowing.

Speaker 1 Helen Keller had no. She was just hiding all the time.
People just didn't know.

Speaker 1 I mixed the two up. How? They're nothing alike.
They're girls. One of them is deaf and blind and the other.
I know, but they're both girls. Yeah, they're both ladies.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's going to be you. That's Ilian Gonzalez.
Ilian Gonzalez. Why do you have Indian Gonzales up there? Well, she said she wanted to hide.

Speaker 1 That's what's going to happen if you hide from the feds. Yeah, yeah.
During the Trump era, they're going to come find you in all those clothes. Is that too much, you think? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I just think that's a little overboard.

Speaker 3 Why do they have the guns?

Speaker 1 Well, you never know what that kid's going to do, that Ilian Gonzales. That kid,

Speaker 1 he came over on a raft. He could have knives all over his body.
Dude, Zorro has three knives. You don't think Elian could have multiple knives?

Speaker 3 But he's not illegal.

Speaker 1 Santoro!

Speaker 1 Gama, gama, bazaoka. Okay.
That's him too. Is that him now? He's hot.
That's him now, yeah. What did you say? He's hot? I said he's hot.
Is the butt plug still in?

Speaker 1 I think he's a good-looking guy. Yeah.
Yeah, he's a good-looking dude. Pretty good-looking cubes.
Yeah, yeah. But it's gross that that's where you went to.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm glad he's alive. Is he in Cuba?

Speaker 1 Yeah, he became a lawmaker there, apparently. Oh, man.
Oh, really? That's pretty actually smart. Well, he probably became famous when he came back.
He was very famous. Very famous.

Speaker 1 He was famous here. We know him.
Should we get him on this podcast? That'd be great. I would would love to have him on this podcast.
Oh, no, Fancy doesn't like that. He doesn't like Cubans.

Speaker 1 You don't like Cubans? You know how they're the Spanish. They're so racist towards every other Latin community.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He goes to teach how to float on those. On a raft? Yeah.
Do you think he's still got raft skills? I think he's... Dude, dude, he went from Cuba to here, right? That's so far.

Speaker 1 That's so far of being a kid? He's got skills, dude. I mean, how far is it from Cuba to Florida? Okay, there you go.
12 days. 12 days.
What would you need? On 12 days

Speaker 1 on a raft? Yeah, I would see. I would probably get...

Speaker 1 you know that the bottle of water from erwon i need a couple of those you need a 30 bottle of water yes i need two of them smart right but they're heavy yeah they're very heavy okay glass okay yeah i'm willing so you think for 12 days you could two vapes two vapes how many vapes two like six

Speaker 1 or six seven yeah right but you have to charge them before i go yeah me yeah you have to charge them right sugar-free red bowl for sure how many a dozen 24 20 oh my god okay two dozen okay great right what else would i need i would need two a day that makes sense.

Speaker 1 Uncle Polly. You've got to have a sandwich.
A poncho phone.

Speaker 1 You have limited BLT. Limited weight, though, in this thing.
You can't, if you put too much in there, you know, the rest of the. Well, I'm not going to bring my fucking Switch.
Really? Yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm not playing Stardew Valley out there, dude. Really? What are you going to do? What are you doing all day? All right, I'll bring it.
Yes, you are. I'll bring my Switch.

Speaker 1 That's the first thing I thought. I'll bring my Switch.
What else would I bring? I have to bring. Do you get internet out there? Of course.
Starlink, dude. Thanks to Elon.
Oh, really? It's everywhere.

Speaker 1 All right, so I can bring my iPad. Of course you can.
And a portable charger so I can jerk off. Right.
Right. So I can still get on a porn hook.
Imagine that

Speaker 1 the Navy is like.

Speaker 1 We see him down there.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. We can't rescue him yet.

Speaker 1 You're giving them one second. One second.

Speaker 1 One second. Right.
I don't want to get rescued. Imagine that moment where I lose

Speaker 1 the switch in the water.

Speaker 1 What would you bring?

Speaker 1 Water. What kind? It's very important.
Mountain Valley, baby. Bottle? My fave.
I know, but it's. But you still.
See, that's what you made fun of me about my bottle. Yeah, but yours is $30.

Speaker 1 Mine's $30 for like two cases of them. Okay, so you bring two? Two.
Two bottles? Take one.

Speaker 1 I would bring...

Speaker 1 I'm trying to think, food. I think pizza would last the longest.
Because pizza, you can eat it warm or cold. It doesn't matter.
Sandwich is going to be nasty when it's sitting in the sun.

Speaker 1 Remember, you're out in the sun. Right.
It's baking you. That sandwich is going to get nasty, nasty.
Not if if you use elven bread. Elven bread? Elven bread.
Elephant bread? Elven.

Speaker 1 Who's elven? Do you remember when Frodo and Sam, White and Gamgee?

Speaker 1 They survived on elven bread. That's not part of this world, buddy.

Speaker 1 For five months, dude. And you know what? Elven bread, too, when you eat it, dude, that's the bread, right? It keeps you full for like days.
Do you turn into what he is? A good-looking white dude?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that a good-looking white dude? Orlando Bloom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Orlando Bloom, not like that. that.
I don't think that's a hot version of Orlando Bloom.

Speaker 1 But you're just looking at the fucking ears. Anyway, you're fucking an asshole.
So just go back to what you're going to do.

Speaker 1 Water.

Speaker 1 Water, what? Pizza? Okay. That's it?

Speaker 1 Probably, I mean, to be honest,

Speaker 1 I probably would bring a flashlight.

Speaker 1 Oh. Bring a flashlight.
To jerk off. Yeah.
But no porn? No, just use the brain. Oh, you do your brain guy.
Well, you're out at sea, you're probably disillusioned.

Speaker 1 You're probably going to see, uh, what is it called, like mirages and stuff like that? Oh, so you may see like the masturbate to a mountain or something.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, like the clouds may be big, huge boobs.

Speaker 1 Oh, I see Caesar's Palace, and you just

Speaker 1 know how sometimes you're in Vegas? Uh-huh. I go, oh, we go walk to Caesar's Palace, and then three days later, you're still not there.
Yeah, you know, we never get there.

Speaker 1 Yes, how far is Caesar's Palace? Are you right? Four miles. Those fucking casinos are so fucking far, dude.
They don't want you to leave, baby. Yeah, yeah.
But you think it's anyway, go ahead.

Speaker 1 You just have fleshlight, water. Water, what else?

Speaker 1 And then a pillow. I want a pillow.
I know what kind.

Speaker 1 My pillow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the my pillow. Yeah, the Mike Lindell.

Speaker 1 Mike Lindell.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I want Mike Lindell in the boat with me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just screaming out.
Well, I will write down all your conspiracy theory. Conspiracy theories.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. What's your favorite so far of Mike Lindell's?

Speaker 1 Of his conspiracy theories?

Speaker 1 The Hugo Chavez. This is not one of them.

Speaker 1 Like Argentina and all these other countries that have something to do with. I like Michelle Obama as a man.
That's my favorite. Do you not know this? I know that.

Speaker 1 Michael Obama, you don't know about this? No. This is so good.
What do you mean?

Speaker 1 There's a lot of these guys that believe in this, that Michelle Obama is just a dude. It's so fucking fucking funny.
It's so fucking funny to me. It's funny, but it's so funny.
It's so funny.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. They believe in it deeply.
Yeah. They're like, show me a picture of her pregnant.
And they have pictures of her,

Speaker 1 they have pictures of her like walking, and they have like an outline that they say is a penis. It's so funny, dude.
It's mean. It's mean-spirited.
I know, I know, but it's a conspiracy theory. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. Melania Trump or Michelle Obama? Melania Trump.
Racist.

Speaker 1 That's not why. You piece of shit.
No, I just like cold Eastern Europeans. Yeah, you're right.
They're cold. Like, after you hook up with her, she's like.
No cuddle.

Speaker 1 No cuddle. Yeah.
She barely wants to touch you. That's great.
That's amazing. Yeah.
When she's done shit. Michelle's just like, come here, baby.
Michelle wants to have a conversation.

Speaker 1 Come here, baby. Come here, baby.

Speaker 1 Michelle's an intellect. She would want to converse with you.

Speaker 3 Don't you want that?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 What? What? What? Get out of here.

Speaker 1 Oh, Oh, so Michelle Obama seems like the person, like, if you're fucking playing your PlayStation, two days in, she goes, Give me that, and throws it off the fucking ball camera. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Melania doesn't give a fuck. She's not even there.
She's not there. She doesn't even know what it is.
As soon as you guys are done having sex, she's just like, I go now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, no, no, no, you don't have to.
She's like, I want to. Yeah.
You're making me sick.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. She's pretty hot.
How hot is that if she said that to you?

Speaker 1 Right after you have sex. Yeah.
You're making me sick. Oh, my.
I would go, let's fuck again.

Speaker 1 I just reloaded. But what about, okay, Melania or Ivanka? Vanka.

Speaker 1 Why? For sure. Why? I don't know.
I know what it is. Me too.
Me too. Me too.
I don't know. She testifies well.

Speaker 1 She's in the pocket. She's cool.
She does. Yeah, yeah.
All right. Lauren Bobert, the girl who.
Oh, yeah, no. I know Lauren.
Yeah, yeah, Colorado. Or AOC.

Speaker 1 In what way, though? To date. Oh, to date? Yeah, this is your girlfriend now.
AOC to date. Really? Yeah, one night stand? No chance.
Albert. She's so much more fun.
I'd want to date her.

Speaker 1 She's a lunatic. It's embarrassing.
It's awesome. I love Hamilton.
You're going to get kicked out with her.

Speaker 1 First of all, you, of all people, you're not staying through a whole play. You know how great that is? She causes a scene.
You get kicked out. It's great.
But it's embarrassing. It's like,

Speaker 1 no, I wouldn't. Hey, don't vape now.

Speaker 1 She's vape. Don't vape now.
You're vaping too. Not in the show of Hamilton.
Yes, you would. If you could get away with it, you would.
You'd vape and blow it in your shirt.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've been with you in places where they tell us not to vape. I got kicked out of Ellen John.
Do you guys know that? For vaping? No.

Speaker 1 I was drunk. What did you just yell gay or something in the middle of a song? He's like, no, this is your song.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say what I did.

Speaker 1 I spent $850

Speaker 1 on the front row in Vegas. And they kicked you out.
And I was so drunk. And he just stood behind this fucking piano.
I have five songs. And I just go, this is so boring.
I go, dance.

Speaker 1 You yell dance at Elton John? Yeah, because he was standing, sitting behind the piano. He's old.
Yeah, you want to see an old guy geo the afternoon? Because you're back in the 70s when he was like,

Speaker 1 and he's moving his fucking legs.

Speaker 1 We're over there in the fucking chubador.

Speaker 1 Right? And like, he didn't do any of that, man. He was just like, come with house.
So I go dance. Then they pull me out of the fucking place.

Speaker 1 And then the, um, you know, the talent.

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Speaker 1 He slapped me.

Speaker 1 You got physically assaulted by Elton John's talent coordinator. Tell that talent guy.
He slapped me. How dare you? Well, he's right.
How dare you? Well, move your legs.

Speaker 1 Elton John's paralyzed.

Speaker 1 You don't know that? That's what the crocodile rock is about. You know,

Speaker 1 his legs drag behind him. But I love him.
Elton John? And then years later, I got invited to his birthday party. I never went because of that.

Speaker 1 He would have never remembered. Imagine you walk into a birthday party, and Elton John is like telling a story.
He's like, well, that night

Speaker 1 and sees you. Oh, right.
And he goes, dance.

Speaker 1 Dance. Would you dance for him? Yeah, I would dance better than he did.
Well, he didn't dance at all, so I died better than well. Exactly.
All right. Anyway, so let's go back to the float.

Speaker 1 All right, so I want water, pizza, a fleshlight. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And honestly,

Speaker 1 I need music, but I don't know. But I don't know what I would do.
Make your own. Okay, so I'd bring a ukulele.
No, I'd

Speaker 1 do ukulele. Okay.
I'd bring a hang drum.

Speaker 3 But aren't you going to attract like sharks?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they love music. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm a shark yeah

Speaker 1 is that music yeah that's what i meant oh i better go see what's going on yeah do you think that's what sharks do i don't know they're just gonna hear it and they're gonna be curious all right me and you are sharks and we're swimming around we're like hey marcus yeah ted do you hear that up there not not really oh is that a ukulele uh-huh let's go check out that check it out Oh my god, it's a red-headed guy playing a ukulele.

Speaker 1 And what's that on his penis? What's that contrast? I think they call that the fleshed line.

Speaker 1 You know how we fuck dolphins? Imagine if you got eaten by a shark while you were jerking off. Oh, that'd be terrible.
Like the moment of shark. Oh, you don't stop.

Speaker 1 You're just like, oh, what are you going to do? Do they like calm or no? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like a fancy. Does that like blood or calm more?

Speaker 1 Probably blood. Probably both.

Speaker 1 I think I'd bring as minimal stuff as I could.

Speaker 1 I would just bring a little bit of food, water, and then something for music to keep myself occupied. Yeah.
Light. What would you bring? One of those butts.

Speaker 1 One of those little butts you could have sex with? Yeah. Because I've never done that before, so I was just thinking.
I can't believe none of us could last 12 days without doing without sexual stuff.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, but not a butt, but kill two birds with one stone.

Speaker 1 Make the flotation device a gigantic butt. Whoa, that's a good idea.
Right? That ain't yours. So just, you know, create something, kill two birds with one stone, is what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 All right, I was just bringing, yeah, Xanax, and

Speaker 1 I would make a sex toy out of my raft. Easy, easy.

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All you have to do

Speaker 1 is you get these pod packs, right? And then you clip it on. You take it out and then you clip it on to the water bottle, no matter what flavor you want.

Speaker 1 Vanilla Orange Swirl, they got mango passion fruit. And you clip it on, you put your regular water in here, and by breathing in

Speaker 1 and sucking, your brain thinks you're drinking flavored water, but it's just the nose, the sniffer, your sniffer smelling this. It literally tastes like a berry kind of a drink.
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Speaker 1 And it's just water. It's just water.
And your nose is doing it, and it's incredible. Honestly, this might be one of the most

Speaker 1 easy, cool, new inventions I think I've ever seen. It makes me mad I didn't think of something like this.
Yeah. Honestly, because I hate drinking regular water.
It's annoying.

Speaker 1 I always want flavors or whatever, but I'm afraid of sugars and all this stuff. You're not getting anything other than a good sniff in your nose and drinking delicious water.
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Speaker 1 I really like this. This is genuinely fun.
And also during the holidays, this is a cool gift. That's a really good gift.
Yeah. That's a great

Speaker 1 stocking shift. You have this, and then you just have this, and boom.
And there's so many flavors of pods. There's so many flavors of pods.
Yeah, give me some of the flavors. Oh, here, do mango.

Speaker 1 Let me try a different one. Yeah, or try orange vanilla swirl.

Speaker 1 This one I like the most. I have that one at home.
Sorry.

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Speaker 1 Have you taken up any sort of like, now that, now because of the baby, are you doing anything that you weren't doing before? Are you smoking? You secretly sneaking off and having a cigarette?

Speaker 1 No, I'm just not sleeping. That's it.
That's it. Are you eating bad? Yes.
Did you gain some weight? Yes. What's your little bad boy snack that you have because the baby's keeping you up?

Speaker 1 I will eat anything. You'll eat everything that's around.
Exactly. Meanwhile, your wife is still skinny and gorgeous and beautiful.
Right. You didn't have the baby.
You know that, right?

Speaker 1 This is an American theme, but like the baby weight goes both ways. Oh, you think because you're an American, now you're allowed to get out of shape.
But your wife maintains a good shape.

Speaker 1 She's in great shape. Right.

Speaker 1 She exercises and eats healthy. Right.
So you think because you're now an american citizen you're allowed to be fat right right it's your right to be a fat slob

Speaker 1 yeah while she works her ass off yes wow i thought that was i worked so hard for her right right that's why you took that test right how old is your baby nine months is it recognition now or no yes like she look at you oh there's a porg yes she does that how often do you have to update her do you have to do like an update on i mean do you is she connected to wi-fi every day yeah yeah but she knows who you are.

Speaker 1 Yes. Oh, that's cool.
Does she go dada?

Speaker 1 I'm talking to her in Spanish only, so no dada. What do you say? What is papi?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, that's so gross.

Speaker 1 That's worse than daddy.

Speaker 1 Hi, papi. Papi.
Papi chulo.

Speaker 1 So poppy is so gross. What does she call your wife? Mama.
Mama. Mama, papi.
Mama, papi. When you go home today, the baby's going to look at you and go, Papi.
Yes. Oh, that's so cute.
No, it's not.

Speaker 1 It's brush. Poppy is what.
That's what, that's what, like. I mean, if she were to say it, like, you said it, then I would change.
She's going to. Papi.
Hi, Papi. I don't like poppy.
I just,

Speaker 1 yeah, yeah. This is the same thing with me and daddy.
I don't like daddy. I don't like daddy.
Yeah. I don't like when little girls and their dads, it's like, daddy, just say dad.
Dada. Dada is good.

Speaker 1 That's fine. Or pop.
Or pop pop. Pop, pop, pop.
Dada. But poppy is poppy.
I don't like it. You're only teaching her, you're only talking to her in Spanish? Only.
Yeah. And your wife is not, though.

Speaker 1 No, she's speaking to her in English. So hopefully.
She's going to get bilingual. Hopefully.
Wow. What a superstar she might turn out to be.
Yeah. Isn't that incredible? Yeah.
It's a good one.

Speaker 1 And has your family met your baby yet? Yeah. Oh, that's cool.
Oh, because when you went to Spain, you brought the baby.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's cool. Coach?

Speaker 1 Coach. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Where'd you put the baby? In the overhead. Yeah.
In the suitcase. Sir, you have to put your baby in the overhead.
Do you buy three seats for the baby too or no? Oh, they sit in the lap.

Speaker 1 The baby gets to sit in the lap. But you and your wife are sitting together? She has a little bassinet that goes on the plane.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Would you and your wife like to sit together or do you like to sit separate?

Speaker 1 Together. You sit together? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd buy three seats. One at the ends and the baby in the middle.
The baby goes on your lap, though. Yeah, but sometimes you want to, you know what I mean? Put it down? Yeah.
That's expensive.

Speaker 1 Just to buy a seat? Did you buy three first-class seats? No. If I was going to see a coach, I would do...
Is that more expensive or? I mean, it's expensive to just buy a seat. Okay, my bad.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know. Just make it more comfortable for you, that's all.
Thank you. Well, do you want to buy his next trip to Spain? No, no, no.
I've never met the baby.

Speaker 1 If I meet the baby, you will never introduce me to the baby. How about this? If you meet the baby, will you pay for his next trip to Spain? Yeah.
I met George's baby.

Speaker 1 And he cried. Well, right, I'm scared.
You are a little shocking.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What do you mean? You're scared for him to meet the baby? Yeah. Wow.
Well, no.

Speaker 1 Who would you trust more to babysit your baby, Andrew or me? Well, this is hard. Andrew.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Didn't even stall.

Speaker 1 May I explore this? Please.

Speaker 3 It's obvious.

Speaker 1 Yeah, pretty much.

Speaker 1 What is it? What's the obvious part?

Speaker 1 No, I'm good. I'm good.

Speaker 1 Honestly, no. Listen, I've had a negative attitude today, and

Speaker 1 I got into a little slump, but dude,

Speaker 1 I'm open to hear anything right now, and I really am not going to be argumentative. I want to learn.
Okay. So, may I ask you?

Speaker 3 Please.

Speaker 1 I'll give you an example. Give me an example.
Okay.

Speaker 3 You wanted to have the dogs for one night, one night only.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And what?

Speaker 3 And then what happened?

Speaker 1 The dogs were taken care of. No?

Speaker 3 No.

Speaker 1 What happened?

Speaker 3 There was diarrhea all over the house.

Speaker 1 Dogs poo. No, no, no.
Diarrhea. Dogs don't just diarrhea all over the house.
My dog poops outside. Okay.

Speaker 3 And you texted me at 8 a.m. to say, get them already.

Speaker 1 And you wanted them gone. A dog's not a baby.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's easier than a baby. May I ask you another question, please? I'm open.
Okay. I feel great.

Speaker 1 Thanks for being here, guys.

Speaker 1 The other question I want to ask you is: I have three cats. Do they seem fine? Self-sufficient.
You don't have to do anything with cats. Do they seem fine?

Speaker 3 Well, they got skinny

Speaker 3 and they seem more afraid.

Speaker 1 They seem more afraid. Are you going to make me mad right now? I'm just going to be afraid.
I'm fine.

Speaker 1 I feel great.

Speaker 1 I feel great. Happy birthday.
Happy birthday. Happy birthday.
You I.

Speaker 1 Well, my

Speaker 1 brief experience with you and babies, they just get riled up and you've never seen him with a baby? Yeah, yes.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying his.

Speaker 1 If he wasn't with his wife alone. Yeah, I.
For 24 hours. He met my baby.
My baby was so happy. Yeah.
You met his baby?

Speaker 1 How?

Speaker 1 We had a little get together. Right.
A baby thing? A baby thing. A baby thing.
I wasn't invited to the baby thing.

Speaker 1 It's just because you're not good with babies. You're not good with babies.
God, everyone's going to move. We're so mad.

Speaker 1 So many of you are straight.

Speaker 1 You're just triggering me, man.

Speaker 1 Every fucking corner. It's just a bad thing.
You wouldn't come to the baby thing, even if you were invited. You wouldn't come to the baby thing.
Right. Okay.
Would you have gone? I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. Well, then we're going to.
Andrew? Okay, we're doing it again tomorrow. Do you want to? Yeah, I'll be there.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, Andrew. Let me ask you something.
Let me ask you something, Andrew. Right? You invited me to your party.

Speaker 1 Did I not show up? Party is different than a baby thing. I show up to everything people invite me to.
There's no babies at my party.

Speaker 1 His baby thing is not a party, like a baby batch. It's just to hang out.
It's just to meet the baby. Or a shower flip.
What is it? A shower shower? Okay, ready? I'm calling you right now. All right.

Speaker 1 Hello. Hey, Bob, I'm going to go to this meet Fancy's baby thing.
Playing Starfield. Okay, so you don't want to go? What's going on? We're just going to meet the baby and say hi and then leave.

Speaker 1 What, baby? Fancy's baby. It's nine months old.
Who's that? The guy who works on our show. Oh, yeah.
Okay, he has a baby. Yeah, but are you busy? Playing Starfield.
I just said. All right, man.

Speaker 1 I'll talk talk to you later. Bye-bye.
See, that's what I mean. You wouldn't go to the baby thing.

Speaker 1 That's true. Yeah, you're not going to go to the baby.
You're right. You're right.
No. You're right.

Speaker 1 So it's based on evidence. That's fine.
Everyone spoke their mind. Can I make you feel a little bit better? Because I love you so much as my best friend on earth.

Speaker 1 Who would you trust the least with the baby in the room?

Speaker 1 I mean, any of these people. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you're way above. Oh, so I'm going to do it.
You're way above?

Speaker 1 Of course. Of course.
Why? These don't qualify.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Time out.
Time out. You asked why? Yeah.
We made that guy put a butt plug in his butt and you run it. Yeah, that's why.
That's true. I've had multiple abortions, though.

Speaker 1 So like I was there.

Speaker 1 I could be a dad right now. No.

Speaker 1 What? No. That's your logic? That's your logic? For why you'd be good with babies? Because you got rid of them.
You got to kill them. Yeah, but that's irresponsible.
You're a baby killer. What?

Speaker 1 You got rid of them. Who knows how good you'd be with them? You got rid of them.
It's responsible to get rid of them if you're not ready, though.

Speaker 1 For you? So that's why he gave them a little bit of it. Away from you.
Yeah, you might kill. He doesn't want you to kill his baby.

Speaker 1 But if it was a competition, you would want to pick me because I always want to win. Yes, that's true.
Okay. So if there was a baby competition, I think the baby would be stoked with me.

Speaker 1 Would you be better than the merch competition or worse?

Speaker 1 Before I choose, I need to know. That's good.
I'd be better with the baby. Okay, then I'll choose you.
Okay, thank you. That's going to be your merch, by the way.
It's just a picture of Andreas' baby.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'd be better with the baby. Okay.
Let me say something. I bet you'd be very.
I don't care. You're good with whatever.
No, no, you're good with kids. Whatever.
You're good with kids.

Speaker 1 I'm irresponsible. No, you're not.
You're good with kids. I'm the worst.
You're good with kids. Thank you.
We know you're good with kids. I love him.
This dude right here. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I'm not a man you. And I understand why he...
How do you know this guy? This guy's all over the internet. He's my favorite guy.
He's blowing up right now. Because

Speaker 1 he gets, because Manu's not playing great, so he gets devastated. He's the best.
We got tagged in this a thousand times. People said it was it was you in like another universe, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, he's so funny. This guy,

Speaker 1 go ahead. What

Speaker 1 he's the best.

Speaker 1 Are you telling me that's not you?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I like that his chair said XL on it.

Speaker 1 Let you know. Also, smart of him to not have a lot of breakable shit in his room.
Yeah. But do you know why he likes Manu?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I know why.
Why? I don't know. Is Is there a Korean player on the team?

Speaker 1 There was a legend on their team when Beckham played. Yeah.
His name is Jisung Park. Jisung Park.
And he was a regular Alex Ferguson's menu.

Speaker 1 And this guy was so good. He's like a busy bee.
What do you mean? He's just all over the field. He has Asian work ethic.
Non-stop. Yeah, I mean, he's nine jobs.

Speaker 1 When the game is over, he's still playing. He's running around.
I mean, if you see on the map where he is, everywhere. He is a hero.
Say his name?

Speaker 1 jee-soon park look that up ji-soong park i want to see this guy this dude was a beast dude park ji-soong yeah

Speaker 1 so this guy just the just the king of the pitch the king dude king of the pitch and he's the koreans probably went because at that time there were not any korean players now you have sun and you have the guy from uh wolves um but back then they were like and this guy was a star, dude.

Speaker 1 Explain something to me. I'm being genuine, not being, I'm ignorant.
If you are saying say he looks like a chimpanzee, I'm going to go out of my mind.

Speaker 1 Santoro!

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
Why is it when it's this in sports? I'm being honest. I'm dumb.
Park Ji-sung, but on the back of his jersey, would say Park. Why would it say his first name?

Speaker 1 Because it's in reverse.

Speaker 1 They say the last name first in Korea.

Speaker 1 But on that thing, his name is... What's his name? His name is...
Jisung Park. That's why I said Jisung Park.
In America, it would be Jisung Park. In Korea, it's Park Si Jisung.
Why do they do that?

Speaker 1 Because the last name is first. Why would the last name be first? It's last.
It says last.

Speaker 1 It's the first name there.

Speaker 1 Your last name is your first name? Yeah. Well, how does this make sense? I'm Lee Young Bobby.

Speaker 1 I'm Lee Young Bobby in Korea, dude. You're Santino Andrew.
I'm Santino James Andrew. Yeah, you're Santino James Andrew.
But why? I don't understand this. That's the way we do it.
But I don't get it.

Speaker 1 What does it mean? I don't know. Why does the rest of the world not? I don't question it.
Just do it. Let's question it.
It makes no fucking sense. Yeah, yeah.
Did they do that in the Philippines? No.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah, yeah.
Why is it like that? Like, for example, the name Kim Min Su. Kim is the family name.
The family name surname is inherited.

Speaker 1 The use of personal names is guided by a strict system of honorifics. So it seems like it's rude.
It's rude to refer to a stranger, a person, higher social status by their personal name.

Speaker 1 Perceived gender in names is less consistent than in Western names. That doesn't make any fucking sense.
Yeah, yeah. I'm an aristocrat.
You're not at all.

Speaker 1 I am. You're a kid from Powei.
Yeah, hi. Hi.
How we hi. How we hi.

Speaker 1 i just don't understand this i think they're just like hiding the personal name last like every what's personal about a first name that the least personal i think the last name is more personal i think to them it's the because the last name is where your is your family root like if i'm in korea with you and i go hey andrew you you if you're a korean you'd be like no call me santino i don't know you well they call me santino here but that's out of term of endearment but i wouldn't say that in a formal sense i'm like my name on my jersey wouldn't say andrew It would say Santino.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and in America, I mean, in England, Ji Sung Park, they said Park on on the back. I know, but you're saying, but when you're referring to it.

Speaker 1 Why are you so angry about it? Because I don't like the way you guys do things.

Speaker 1 I'm an American. I don't know.
You call the embassy and fix it. Okay.
Thank you. I'll call them.
What's this? This is when something goes awry. This is so, you know, the Vikings and the

Speaker 1 Vikings and the Packers are not a fan of the Chicago Bears. I know.
And these two guys, they found common ground in disliking a Bears fan that they saw in the parking lot. Okay.

Speaker 1 This is a Packer and a We have some common ground. We have some common ground.
We got to start talking shit.

Speaker 1 Hi.

Speaker 1 How are you doing?

Speaker 1 Nice to meet you. Go Bears.

Speaker 1 Go Bears. Go Bears.
Yes. Yes, sir.

Speaker 1 Ding dong.

Speaker 1 Have a good day. All right, man.
Yeah, they backed right off.

Speaker 1 Why wouldn't you? They thought they were going to go talk shit to that guy.

Speaker 1 They walked on with me at Down syndrome. They were both like, okay, never mind.
We can't say anything to this guy. Oh, no.
You're not a real fucking Packer. And

Speaker 1 you've got a fan. Yeah, you should have lit him up.
What would you have said if you saw a Tottenham fan?

Speaker 1 If you go, see,

Speaker 1 I'm a Tottenham fan. You say Ding-Dong to me.
And my back is turned, and you tap on my shoulder, and you've wearing an arsenal. Hey, fucking, what's up? Hey.

Speaker 1 You asshole. Why?

Speaker 1 It has nothing to do with the teams.

Speaker 1 Because if you say ding-dong, I go, yeah, that's right. You're a ding-dong.

Speaker 1 Well, why did they commit?

Speaker 1 They got scared. What would you say? What are you going to fucking say to that guy? Hey, fuck the Bears.
Yeah. The kid with Down Dong is going to be like, why are you so mean?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But they should have even known that he had it in the first place. How do they know it's his back was turned?

Speaker 1 Fucking Bears fucking. He's the only one wearing it.
No, no, no. There were other people.
There were other fans. Oh, there were.
Okay. No, but I mean, how would they know? You're right.

Speaker 1 How would they know? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're assuming that every Bears fan has Down syndrome. and I got to tell you, you're not too far off as a Bears fan.
Yeah, you're probably right.

Speaker 3 What's a ding-dong? Who's great?

Speaker 1 It's what they do. No, but do you not understand what he's seeing who he was doing there? He shook the hand of the Vikings fan, right?

Speaker 1 Let me guess. Let's stop, stop, stop.
Yeah. Do you not understand what happened here? Racism.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's racist. He just called the black guy ding dong.
Yeah, that's right. And that in a street term, in the Down syndrome community, ding-dong is the end word.
N-word, you're right.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because that was a hard dong. Yeah, it was hard hard G.
That was a hard. Ding dong.
Yeah, hard G. Whoa, dude.

Speaker 1 Well, so what do we gotta cancel this guy? Yeah, let's cancel this cancel. Whoa, that's fucking crazy.
Wouldn't shake his hand. No.
Or, can I just say this, though? Let me say this. No, no.

Speaker 1 Let me explore this.

Speaker 1 Right? And say. Maybe he was rapping.

Speaker 1 He wanted him to kick off a

Speaker 1 ding dong. How about somehow more

Speaker 1 racist? Yeah, he was kind of doing. So that's more racist.
He starts rapping to the black guy. Right.
No, because he wants to be cool, so he doesn't know what to say.

Speaker 1 Okay, he's like, oh, it's my first time meeting one of a black guy. So, what's that, Ding Dong? I get it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I get that.

Speaker 1 Dude, I've just

Speaker 1 by the way, that just

Speaker 1 Bill Bellamy. So, so funny.
He doesn't know who that is.

Speaker 4 Yo, do that thing. Good, good, good, good.

Speaker 1 That is the rapper designer.

Speaker 1 That's not Bill Bellamy.

Speaker 1 That's designer.

Speaker 4 Say hello to the Chinese fan, man.

Speaker 5 Hey, yo, much love, man. Shout out to all my Chinese fans, man.
Y'all know what time it is. We in the building.
BTS, man, Mike dropped. You about to drop it real soon.
Shout out to Steve O'Keefe.

Speaker 5 Y'all know what time it is. We out here.
We making the moves, man, across the world. Y'all know how we rocking.

Speaker 4 Hello in China. It's Nihao.

Speaker 1 Mihao, you dude.

Speaker 1 What's Mihao? So the Asian girl was dancing thinking he was rapping when he was just simply talking. That showed again.
That's hilarious.

Speaker 1 She was just this whole thing is embarrassing.

Speaker 4 Say hello to the Chinese fan right here.

Speaker 5 Yo, much love, man. Shout out to all my Chinese fans.
Y'all know what time it is. We in the building.
BTS man, Mike dropped. We're about to drop it real soon.

Speaker 1 Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop. Damn, that is

Speaker 1 insane, dude. She starts dancing.
She thinks he's just rapping.

Speaker 1 He's just talking. That's so embarrassing.
See that again? No, that's hilarious. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 5 We're out here. We're making the moves, man.

Speaker 1 But he is doing

Speaker 4 China is near.

Speaker 1 He is speaking rhythm. Yeah.
Don't. Are you taking her side?

Speaker 1 Yeah, all right, you're right.

Speaker 1 That is crazy. Oh my god.
It's like two cultures that shouldn't mix nowhere near each other. Yeah, yeah.
And yet they have so much in common. What? Well, they both love kung fu movies.
That's true.

Speaker 1 That's good. Yeah, yeah.
Love kung fu

Speaker 1 anime.

Speaker 1 That's good. Black people love anime.
Yeah, yeah. Break dancing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Okay.
Breakdancing? Yeah.

Speaker 3 Can I share what I've been mourning this week? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Is everything okay?

Speaker 3 It's about Harry Styles' hair.

Speaker 1 He died? No. What happened?

Speaker 3 He's bald now.

Speaker 1 What do you mean he's bald? He shaved his head? Let me see. Harry Styles shaved his head.
Another Carlos. This is tragic.
Tragic for you.

Speaker 1 What's wrong with that? Yeah. That looks cool.
That's cool. You don't like that at all? No.
He'll grow back. No.

Speaker 1 What if he can't grow it back? Look at

Speaker 3 his balding here already.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's balding a little bit, so you're saying this is it for him, huh?

Speaker 3 Yeah. And everyone's like mourning about it.
Because he had like such luscious.

Speaker 1 God, he's so hot, though, huh? I don't know. The butterfly tattoos don't do it for me.
What? That would distract me the whole time. I would lick it.

Speaker 1 I'd want to know what they are. Like, what is that? A monarch? I'd want to know what kind it is.
He's hot, though. Look at him.
Not for me. That's not my style.
He's so hot.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry about Harry Styles. I think his hair will grow back and it'll be just fine, okay? Yeah.

Speaker 3 i've also discovered something go ahead so you know how

Speaker 1 you

Speaker 3 and i think that i'm a bit slow

Speaker 3 and like a little bit awward

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 3 so i so i discovered you know i thought my mom just was just smoking weed

Speaker 3 the whole like her pregnancy

Speaker 3 teenage year to like 20 something yeah and then it's called shabu and then when i asked my mom oh what's what did you use again and she said oh i've i use meth yeah so we all knew that

Speaker 1 no we all didn't you're my discovered i'm a meth baby you are yeah you are a meth baby because

Speaker 1 because what what kalila's dad is huge yeah it's great what kalila's dad did was she She had to remember, shave her head and then lock her in a house, tied her to a fucking radiator for a month, and she got off meth.

Speaker 3 I always thought it was weak.

Speaker 1 That's how you do it in old days. Transpotting his dial.

Speaker 1 Just tied her to a radiator and said, no more meth. I fed her.

Speaker 1 Could she go to the bathroom? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You have to ask her.

Speaker 1 The radiator's by the bathroom. Oh, okay.
That's fine.

Speaker 1 Not radiator, but they locked her in a room. So your mom smoked meth the whole time you were.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 I asked her, like, how long did you stop before you had me? And she said, oh, like, two years, three years.

Speaker 1 That doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 I think that's a cover-up. Yeah.
And help is available. Call 1-800-662-4357

Speaker 1 if you have meth problems. Please, 1-800-662-4357, call today.
Do not smoke meth when you're pregnant.

Speaker 1 That's crazy. It's called what?

Speaker 3 Shabu.

Speaker 1 Shabu is what they call meth in the Philippines. Sounds more fun.

Speaker 3 How do you use meth? Because from what?

Speaker 1 Two ways. You snort it or you smoke it.
Well, I've only smoked it, but people do snort it.

Speaker 3 From what I saw, like in my village, they use like a plastic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's because they can't afford the real pipes. The good pipes.
Yeah, the good pipes don't make their way down there. By ages one and two, toddler showed delayed motor development.

Speaker 1 Preschool and school age children had subtle but significant attention impairments and were more likely to have cognitive behavioral issues in school, including liking anime, like One Piece. Wow.

Speaker 1 Right in the article.

Speaker 1 That's what it says right there. Meth baby's like One Piece.
But a lot of the the meth is from North Korea.

Speaker 1 No. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Most meth doesn't come from North Korea. No, the meth that the Philippines get.
Well, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. They make meth in North Korea and then there's ports in Philippines and it ends up there.

Speaker 1 That's crystal meth is

Speaker 1 North Korea's trendiest lunar new year gift to the rest of Asia. Yeah.
Where do you think our meth comes from? The stuff that we get? Bakersfield. Yeah, Midland, California.
The desert.

Speaker 1 That's terrible, man. I'm sorry that you're a meth baby.
Yeah. So what's your new name on this show? Meth Baby.
Meth Baby. Meth Baby.
There's a little meth baby over there.

Speaker 1 Well, I'm sorry, Meth Baby, but we're happy that you're here with us. How about that? And now you're a meth grown-up and you're 22.

Speaker 3 Thank you, Tito, Andrew.

Speaker 1 Thank you, Tito Bob. You're welcome.

Speaker 3 Thank you, everyone, for giving me the best gifts. Thank you.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 1 woof,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 woof,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 woof,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 woof, woof,

Speaker 1 a proof, and

Speaker 1 a hundred, and a hundred, and the windows.