Rudy's One Piece Birthday

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Minneapolis, Minnesota. Then we go to Madison, Wisconsin to end this year.
Madison, Wisconsin and Minneapolis. Next year, we're bouncing around.
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Go to badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Hey!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

I'm Zorro!

Monkey!

Is his name Monkey?

Monkey D. Luffy.

Monkey what?

I can't get this on my head.

It's okay, kiddo.

No.

Help flip the...

Hold on.

I'll be over.

No, you're fine.

Oh, you did this?

Yeah.

There it is. Monkey D.
L it is Monkey D. Luffy Monkey D.
Luffy Monkey D. Luffy Monkey D.
Luffy Monkey D. Luffy Monkey D.
Luffy Monkey D. Luffy Happy birthday Look at a one piece blanket One piece blanket for you Are you excited? Excited for Yeah it, it's the best.
Yeah? And look at, we got you a gift on there. We have the script for the two piece.
Yeah. Yeah, two piece and three piece, and it's going to be- You're one piece, two piece, three piece.
Yeah. Can you guys do your famous lines? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. You ready? Yeah.
You know? I practice it. I practice it.
Right? Okay. To the window! To the walls! Yeah.
Till Zorro's got big balls! All these one-piece crawl! Oh! That's not it. Carlos, that's what he sent me.
This is what he sent me. I live on the treetops with my Montgomery Ward pass.

Yeah.

Is that not it?

No.

What's my famous line?

What's my famous line? Why?

That doesn't make any sense, Montgomery Ward.

Yeah, that's why I texted you.

You betrayed me.

What is the line I'm supposed to say?

Yeah, what's the line?

So you have three swords.

You attack with three swords.

Three is unnecessary.

Who holds the third one?

My dick?

Mouth.

I hold it in my mouth?

Uh-huh. I go, sing, sing.
Yeah. How can he.
Who holds the third one? My dick? Mouth. I hold it in my mouth? Uh-huh.

I go, sing, sing.

Yeah.

How can he say he's lying with the mouth?

I don't know.

Zorro says it.

What Zorro says it?

What does Zorro say?

Santorio.

Santorio.

Santorio.

What is monkey man?

You say, gomma, gomma, bazooka.

Gomma, gomma, bazooka.

Do-do-do. Yeah, yeah.
What was mine? Okay, hold on. Go ahead.
Santorio Gamama Gama Bazooka. Okay, I got it.
Hold on, hold on. Gama Gama Bazooka.
Go ahead.

Santorio!

Gama Gama Bazooka!

And your hand stretches really far because you're a rubber.

You got a big finger.

Oh, is it my finger or my hand?

Any.

Any?

Okay, right.

We'll do it again.

Here, ready?

You got to make it serious.

We are.

He's serious. Santorio!ama, gama, bazooka.
If that's not it. Now clap for us.
Happy birthday, Rudy Jules. What did you get in the bag there? And how old are you today? 40? 22.
Those lines in your face are bad. You do look old.
It's nausica. I don't believe you got this.
This is from Andres. No way! That's from me and Bob.
Dude, we went to the fucking bitch. We went to the store yesterday.
We went to Little Tokyo. Little Tokyo.
Yeah, we did! Yeah, we did. We went to Little Tokyo yesterday, dude! Shanto! Bazooka! This is the best.

What is it?

It's Nausica.

It's Nausica.

That's great.

I remember I picked that.

Nausica.

No, you did.

He picked that.

First edition.

It's the first one they printed.

Isn't that incredible?

Thank you, Andres.

Okay.

Dude, that's so ungrateful.

That's so disrespectful.

It's disrespectful.

I know.

Andres got this for me.

Okay, can I also say this? On the card, she goes, you know, she goes, I'm a loser. I have no friends.
You're not saying that. I have no friends.
And I go, well, you're friends with Bobby Lee and Andrew Santino. That's not good enough.
Pretty huge. I would say.
I would say it's pretty fucking huge, dude. And you also got...

Santoro!

Where's Gama?

Come on, dude.

I want to see the doll if I don't have it.

Oh, wait, wait.

When I do mine, you do have to do that.

I know, but...

Santoro!

Gama, Gama, bazooka!

Another Zoro!

That's the best!

Relax.

Relax.

Relax.

Happy birthday.

Okay, last time.

There's no Gama, Gama?

And another Zoro! Santoro! Yo, yo, yo, yo. Yo, dog.
Where's the Gama Gama? Monkey, monkey. I thought she would want the Zorro only, not monkey.
Why am I dressed like this then? Bobby, Bobby. We were the ones that brought those gifts.
I know. We were the ones that bought those.
We left at the store. Yes.
I bought four of them. We left at the store.
We left at the store. We had to go get it.
So how happy are you today? 10 out of 10.

10 out of 10.

Good gift giving.

Good gift giving.

And let me say this to you.

Now let's transition back into the show.

Enough of her nonsense.

So you're pissed off at Carlos and because your best friend Andrew.

Okay?

Can I say this too?

So funny.

I don't even, we have to air this.

Yeah.

You, man. What what that fucking zoom meeting you made me like a fool you have another you made me look like a fool why don't ever do that again well for the now they think i'm a fucking asshole no for the fans so for the fans no uh we are creating new merch shirts my edition and Bob's edition, and we're going to see which one you guys like the most.

And all we had to do was call a Zoom, a 10-minute Zoom with the merch company

to pitch what we wanted our editions to be, our special edition.

And how did he mess that up?

What's wrong?

What's up?

What happened?

What happened?

What do you mean?

What happened on the Zoom that you are mad at him about? Yeah, he did it do He set it up And so why are you mad I wasn't ready Okay we've known about it for weeks I told him For weeks I told him I wasn't ready You told him you weren't ready I told him I wasn't ready I wasn't ready I wasn't ready Right Because you have to do it I'm not ready Got it And then he puts me in the Zoom Yeah And now they think I'm an asshole And I know this happened I know that After I was off Yeah You had to apologize On my behalf Like I don't know I'm sorry guys Right? Not at all They're so used to Work with artists I don't like the way He just said that You know what he just said? They're so used to Working with Prima Donnas Prima Donnas Yeah Prima Donna Difficult people Is that what you're saying? That's what he said. I wasn't being difficult.
You fucked me and you put me in a difficult situation. You have another one on Monday.
This coming Monday. That's tomorrow.
Yeah, what time? At 1 p.m. I can't hear you that well when you're not talking.
At 1 p.m., it's in your calendar. Yeah, you're going to have to push it.
I don't know it. I don't know anything.
It's the middle of the night, 1 p.m. But he chose the time.
Yeah. You're going to push it to Tuesday.
Okay. Honestly, push it to Tuesday.
I don't know that. Don't get – see? That's – hold on.
Chill, chill, chill. Oh, no.
Santoro! Let me just – can I just – I want to say this, okay? Okay. I want to say this, okay? Yes.
Don't act like I'm having the attitude. Okay.
Okay? You're having the attitude. Right.
All right? I'm just being me. I'm not ready.
We're really taking it away from her birthday. Happy birthday! Happy birthday! So listen, you're 22.
That's amazing. You have no friends in America, you said.
Mm America you said You're just working constantly

Who is that?

Oh my god

Sorry sorry

You have to answer it

It's Matas

Answer it

Speaker

Matas

Napakos podcast

Napakos podcast

Napakos podcast

Napakos podcast

Napakos podcast

Huh?

Bye bye Thank you. Show us.

Show us.

Santoro!

Okay, bye.

She didn't want to see us.

She didn't want to see us at all.

She was so upset.

We have something else for us.

Oh, shit.

It's Jollibee Spaghetti.

Jollibee Spaghetti. Happy birthday to you.
Happy birthday- That's enough. No, no, no.
She doesn't get the whole song. That's insane.
You have to make a wish. McCone, good job lighting seven of the ten candles.
Close your eyes. Hold on.
Got to make it- No, let her have the other ones unlit. That's symbolic.

What'd you wish for?

Nothing.

Good.

Good.

Well, you got it.

And you got it.

Let her eat the spaghetti.

You have to manifest something, man.

Yeah, you got to manifest friendship.

Manifest something, man.

Why don't you manifest a little bit of friendship here in the United States?

Just close your eyes right now and manifest something.

Okay.

Try it again.

Think.

We'll all think together for you.

Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

What'd you think?

Friends, friends, friends, friends, friends.

Four of them.

That's it.

Friends, friends, friends, friends, friends.

Five.

That's good.

Five friends?

That's great.

Let's hope you get a friend.

So it'd be like the show Friends.

Six people. Well well five now I'm sorry it was right there that was so good I'm sorry it was right there I set you up that was great I'm sorry it was right there yeah yeah five people and you know what what okay suntan I gotta take this out it's fine no you have to leave it on it's for her birth

You're the captain

He loves the hat

Just move it back out of your eyes a little bit

There you go good

Good boy

What kind of captain

He's the captain

Of his ship

How many people are on the ship

There's you

Zoro, Nami, Sanji

She was like,

Thank you. he's the captain of his ship the pirate how many people are on the ship? there's you, Zoro, Nami, Sanji you're saying five or six people Chopper Brooke, Frankie Jinbei can you handle that kind of responsibility? that's a lot of people on your ship can I kick Jinbei off? but you Luffy's really irresponsible so you're the same wait.
Wait, wait, wait, wait. What? Luffy, the captain.
So the captain is an irresponsible captain? Yeah, he doesn't do the captain. Wait, wait, I thought I was the captain.
You are, you're Luffy. I'm Luffy too? Your name is Luffy.
What's the monkey part? That's his name. Luffy the monkey.
Monkey D. Luffy.
Monkey D. Luffy.
My bad. Isn't that it? Monkey D.
Luffy. Yeah.
And so, what I was saying is that being a captain of an eight-man ship doesn't seem that important. I don't know, dude.
Double done, Tiger Bradley. Wow.
We gotta turn off that guy's mic. Wow, wow, wow.
So here's the deal. You know what? I'm not doing that fucking meeting.
Thanks. I'm not doing the meeting.
Thanks, Fancy. Yeah, go ahead.
What's the deal? Are you excited to eat your spaghetti, your Jollibee spaghetti? Yeah, and I even have the peach mango pie. We each got a peach mango pie from Jollibee.
So thank you to the boys. A very good birthday to Rudy Jules.
Now, in effort to exercise your anger, being your best friend on planet Earth, what I've done is something very special. Look over to your right at Carlos.
Look over to your right. You look to the left.

That's the funniest thing ever.

Like there's a mirror. Because you know, but there's camera left, right?

No, I said look to your right.

Look to your right, kiddo.

But I've been on sets before, so I just went.

Camera left.

Okay, go ahead.

So you see that thing that McCona's holding in his hand?

Yeah.

This is great.

Because you were upset at Carlos and I wanted to make up for how angry you were at this idiot.

And you wanted to fire him.

You didn't want him back.

So I said, you have to make up for the fact that you guys shocked him. So that is a butt plug that is remote controlled.
He is going to put that in his tush. And at any time during the show, you're allowed to make it go off.
Number one, I have to see it go in. Yeah, duh.
And I have to, first of all, I need, I need the, before it goes in, I need it to see if the remote control works. You can feel it and test it.

McCone, get over here.

Bring it over, man.

Is it on?

You know, when we do segments like this, it does remind me why I don't want anybody to

watch this show.

That I respect.

Like family.

Yeah.

I just can't have anybody want it.

Yeah.

So there's an app for it.

There's an app.

And you can feel it.

There you go.

Let me feel it.

And there's all different sensations.

But it feels good, though.

It's going to feel good to him.

I don't think so.

Okay.

That whole thing's going in his butt.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, that's good.

Put it on the-

That's real good.

Put it up to the mic so they can hear it when it-

Yeah, that's good.

He can move it around, too.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can I just do something real quick?

Yikes.

Dude, I want one of these.

You can have it when the day is done.

Okay, good, good, good.

How does it charge?

You kind of have this?

Yeah.

Okay, great.

I have the plug.

How funny is that?

When Bobby asks for a brand new charged vape,

he'll also want this charge.

You're like, Carlos, my butt plug. Is it charged? So let me bend over and put this in.
Turn this off first. It's on, still on.
Wait, Carlos, don't you have to clean your butt? Wait, clean your butt? There's going to be poo. Yeah.
It's off. What do you mean? He wants to go all the way.
You want him to clean the actual tube? Yeah, inside. No, I don't think that's how it works.
Yeah, bend over and win a seat. Go in.
This part is for Patreon. Sorry.
And the honest truth is I wasn't really that mad about it. Yeah, you weren't even that mad? About the thing.
So was it worth putting a butt plug in him that vibrates? I don't think so because I think deep down he likes it. He's into it.
Right. This was a way for him to just get us to pay for a butt plug.
Yeah. That's really what that was.
Yeah. What's the matter? Happy birthday, by the way.
Happy birthday. That was another gift we gave you.
That was a gift? Yeah. You didn't like that gift? You don't think that was gift worthy? I don't think I can eat my spaghetti.
Oh, come on. Come on.
I got to take it out and put it outside. Says who? Why? The captain.
Santoro! Come on, come on, come on, bazooka, why? I thought it was going to be in the whole show. Oh, I thought you were going to vibrate, though.
No, just keep it in. Just keep it in, dude.
It feels good. I like the idea it's there.
A home. It's home.
I don't like it homeless. Okay.
It's where it belongs. I fucking hate this thing.
Just put on the strap on your chin. There you go.
Okay. This is for her birthday.
I know, you're right. I'm doing it for her birthday.
Do you feel like this is everything you've ever wanted for your birthday yeah this is the best go you're saying that like the popular kids in college don't like you no I'm just saying I I don't think I I can like relate like why in what way like what do they talk about that you can't relate to they're just like so like, so, like, you know how I'm always tired and I'm always so sleepy?

And then they're just, like, alive and they know, like, the trendy things.

Well, like, give me a trendy thing.

A shoes?

What is it?

What's trendy?

I don't know.

Like, right now they went to Camp Flogna.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Tyler, the Creator's concert. Yeah.
I know that. Camp Flogna.
And, yeah. Tyler, the Creator's concert.

I know that.

Camp Flogna.

And you didn't go?

No.

Were you invited?

No, because I don't know any of the...

What?

I don't know any of the artists,

any of the performers.

Like that.

I'm not cool like that.

I see.

Okay.

But you're cool in your own little way.

Yeah.

You've got your own cool things.

You like One Piece. Yeah.
Like if One Piece was in... I would go...
Lake Mongo. What's it called? Lake Mongo? Flagna? Oh, Flagna.
One Piece is a cartoon. What's Lake Mongo? No, Flagna is a...
What's Lake Mongo? Morongo is what you're thinking. No, Lake Mongo is something.
What are you talking? There's no Lake Mongo. There's a Lake Mongo, dude.
I've heard of Lake Mongo. It's a movie.
I've been there. It's a movie.
Lake Mongo? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's it.
It's a horror movie. Yeah.
I might have to poop soon. All right.
You take it out. No, I think you just think that way.
Yeah, just take it out. Just take it out.
Just take it out. We'll have McCone take it out with us.
Yeah, yeah. Go.
Go take it out. The last couple of podcasts have been weird, huh?

Very.

Is it us?

No, well, this is very weird, but this was fun.

But you wanted payback to the guy.

He shocked you.

I know.

We thought you'd be shocking him during the show with that.

But I got to tell you, he liked it way too much.

Yeah.

Go take it out, dude.

I am.

I'm just looking for something.

What's the matter?

Uh-oh.

I don't know. You're covered? No, it's just i keep thinking of his poo yeah okay no i get it i get it i get it yeah are you guys into anal stuff no no no no no no no no have you tried no my my counselor says no no no you don't like that stuff no no no you don't like that stuff like my priest i go i don't like it and he goes oh come on come on i don't like Come on.
No, no, no. You don't like that stuff.
My priest, I go, I don't like it. And he goes, oh, come on.
Come on. I go, I don't like it.
Come on. The Father's from the Holy Spirit.
I don't know, because I want to get into heaven. I know that was disturbing, but I do want to see you eat that spaghetti, because it's delicious Jollibee spaghetti.
Okay. So enjoy the spaghetti for your birthday, for your 20-second birthday.
How old is it, though? The spaghetti? Yeah. They got it this morning at 7 a.m.
That's still fine. Enjoy.
Yeah, it's not that bad. It's a day old.
Now, is the spaghetti in America different than the one in the Philippines? This one's like sweet spaghetti. That's like the thing in the Philippines.
They put sugar in the... But in America, they don't put the sugar? I don't know the recipe, but it's a sweet spaghetti.
Have you tried it? No. No.
Do you want it? No, thank you. No, thank you.
Definitely no thank you. Yeah.
But is the McDonald's different in the Philippines? I don't know. I haven't tried McDonald's there in years.
Are the McDonald's up in the trees or are they at ground level? Up in the trees. You got to go get it, huh? That's why everyone stays skinny.
It takes too much. Also, as Ronald McDonald's there in like years.
Are the McDonald's up in the trees or are they at ground level? Up in the trees. You gotta go get it, huh? That's why everyone stays skinny.
That's too, it takes too long. Also, is Ronald McDonald's makeup just running down because it's so humid there.
Is it, is it, is it sweaty Ronald McDonald? Yeah, he looks like the Joker probably. He does, yeah.
Why so serious? Why so serious? Ronald McDonald's Joker. Ba-da-ba-ba-ba.
So CBS. Hit me.
Insane. Insane.
Yeah, the Batman in Philippines must be the big bat. It's just a gigantic batman.
Right? It's a bat village. Yeah.
Was it good, the spaghetti, Jollibee? Really good. Well, happy, happy 22nd birthday.
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let's do positives. Positives

let's say things that we feel about Jules

I think that's good. Okay

I'm glad you're a part of the bad friends

family all those years ago

three years ago was it?

No? Since the beginning. Almost four

almost four years. Four years

We're having our 200th episode. Amazing.
That's gonna come up in the new year. And surprise for these.
We've done 200 of these? We will be. Oh my God.
We're gonna be going to Vegas to celebrate for the holidays. We're gonna do a holiday party.
We're having a nice dinner. I can't wait.
So listen, here's, can may never have children why are you laughing okay i may never have children and um and i may and even if that i may never have a daughter but i think you've given me um a glimpse into maybe what it might be like and it's been um a fucking disaster. Okay.
No, I know it's been great. Watching you grow, you're a hard worker, you're a nice kid, and I love you so much.
Thank you. What do you think about it? I may never have children.
And if I ever do get to have one. Don't go then i hope to god she's not brown no i i i you're a great uh young lady now uh you're growing up on our show which is crazy crazy you're an adult and i hope the future is so bright for you and And I hope you get to stay in America much longer.

Because I know when Trump gets back in again, he is going to change around some of those rules.

Yeah.

He is going to probably remove.

I mean, the Philippines is probably the first to go.

Don't you think?

Yeah.

They got to go.

But I want to stay.

I know.

But that's Trump's rules, baby.

You got to get behind the T.

We're going to have to marry McCone.

What's marry McCone? Oh, McCone. What's marry McCone?

Oh, McCone?

Who's Mayor McCone?

Mayor McCone.

Well, you could marry McCone just for the green card.

Yeah, for the green card.

To stay.

Yeah.

Can I just hide?

You'd rather hide like Helen Keller.

Like Elian Gonzalez.

Look what happened to him.

They ended up finding him.

Was Helen Keller hiding?

What girl that was hiding?

Was Helen Keller hiding?

No.

Helen Keller was blind and deaf.

You're talking about Anne Frank.

Anne Frank.

Anne Frank.

Thank you. like Elian Gonzalez look what happened to him they ended up finding him was Helen Keller hiding what girl I was hiding was Helen Keller hiding no Helen Keller was blind and deaf you're talking about Anne Frank Anne Frank she was hiding by the way Helen Keller was deaf and blind often she was hiding without knowing it Helen Keller had no she was just hiding all the time people just she just didn't know I mixed the two up how they're nothing alike they're girls one of them is deaf and blind and the other I know but they, but they're both girls.
Yeah, they're both ladies. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, that's gonna be you. That's Alien Gonzalez.
Alien Gonzalez. Why do you have Alien Gonzalez up there? Well, she said she wanted to hide.
That's what's gonna happen if you hide from the feds. Yeah, yeah.
During the Trump era, they're gonna come find you in all those clothes. Is that too much, you think? I don't know.
I just think there's a little overboard. But why do they have the guns? Well, you never know what that kid's gonna do, that Alien Gonzalez.
That kid, he Gonzalez. He came over on a raft.
He could have knives all over his body. Dude, Zorro has three knives.
You don't think Elian could have multiple knives? But he's not illegal. Santoro! Gama, gama, bazooka.
Okay. That's him today.
Is that him now? He's hot. That's him now, yeah.
What did you say? He's hot? I said he's hot. Is the butt plug still in? I think he's a good looking guy.
Yeah. Yeah, he's a good looking dude.
Pretty good looking guy. Yeah.
But it's gross that that's where you went to. Yeah.
I'm glad he's alive. Is he in Cuba? Yeah, he became a lawmaker there apparently.
Oh, really? That's pretty actually smart. We probably became famous when he came back.
He was very famous. Very famous.
He was famous here. We know him.
Should we get him on this podcast? That'd be great. I would love to have him on this podcast.
Oh no, Fancy doesn't like that. He doesn't like Cubans.
You don't like Cubans? You know how they're the Spanish. They're so racist towards every other Latin community.
Yeah. He goes to a teacher how to float on those.
On a raft? Yeah. Do you think he's still got raft skills? I think he's, dude, he went from Cuba to here, right? That's so far.
That's so far. Being a kid? He's got skills, dude.
I mean, how far is it from Cuba to Florida? Okay, there you go. 12 days.
12 days. What would you need? On 12 days on a raft? Yeah, I would see.
I would probably get- You know that- The bottle of water from Air One? I need a couple of those. You need a $30 bottle of water? Yes, I need two of them.
Smart. Right.
But they're heavy yeah okay glass okay yeah i'm willing so you think for 12 days you could two vapes two vapes how many vapes two like six six or seven yeah right but you have to charge them before i go yeah me yeah you have to charge them right sugar-free red bull for sure how many a dozen 24 20 oh my god okay two dozen okay great right what else would i need i would need dozen? 24. Oh, my God.
Okay. Two dozen.

Okay, great.

Right.

What else would I need?

I would need- Two a day.

That makes sense.

Uncle Pauly.

You got to have a sandwich.

A bunch of them.

You have limited-

The BLT-

Limited weight, though, in this thing.

You can't-

If you put too much in there, you know, the rest-

Well, I'm not going to bring my fucking Switch.

Really?

Yeah, I'm not bringing my-

I'm not playing Stardew Valley out there, dude.

Really?

What are you going to do? What are you doing all day? All right, I'll bring it. Yes, you are.
I you are I'll bring my Switch That's the first thing I thought you'd bring I'll bring my Switch What else would I bring? I'd have to bring Do you get internet out there? Of course Starlink, dude Thanks to Elon Oh, really? It's everywhere Alright, so I can Bring my iPad Of course you can And it's like A portable charger So I can jerk off Right Right, so I can still Get on the Pornhub. Imagine that the Navy is like, we see him down there.
Oh my God. We can't rescue him yet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're giving them one second.
One second. One second.
Right. I don't want to get rescued.
Imagine that moment where I lose the switch in the water. Oh my God.
What would you bring? Water. What kind? it's very important mountain valley baby bottle my fave i know but it's but you still see that's what you made fun of me about my bottle yeah but yours is 30 dollars mine's 30 for like two cases of them okay so you bring two two two big ones um i would bring, I'm trying to think, food.
I think pizza would last the longest. Because pizza, you can eat it warm or cold, it doesn't matter.
Sandwich is going to be nasty when it's sitting in the sun. Remember, you're out in the sun.
Right. It's baking you.
That sandwich is going to get nasty nasty. Not if you use elven bread.
Elfin bread? Elven bread. Elephant bread? Elven.
Who's elven? Do you remember when Frodo and Sam widens Gamgee? They survived on Elvin bread. That's not part of this world, buddy.
For five months, dude. And you know what? Elvin bread too, when you eat it, dude, that's the bread, right? It keeps you full for like days.
Do you turn into what he is? A good looking white dude, yeah. Is that a good looking white dude?

Orlando Bloom?

Yeah.

Orlando Bloom, not like that.

I don't think that's a hot version of Orlando Bloom.

You're just looking at the fucking ears.

Anyway, you're fucking an asshole.

So just go back to what you're gonna do.

Water?

Water, what?

Pizza?

Pizza.

Okay, that's it?

Probably, I mean, to be honest, I probably would bring a flashlight.

Oh.

Bring a flashlight.

To jerk off.

Yeah.

But no porn?

No, just use the brain.

Oh, you're a brain guy.

Well, you're out at sea.

You're probably disillusioned.

You're probably going to see, what is it called?

Like mirages and stuff like that.

Oh.

So you may see like-

Mastery to a mountain or something.

Well, yeah.

Like the clouds may be big, huge boobs. Oh, I see Caesar's Palace and Palace And you just Yeah Cause you know how sometimes You're in Vegas Uh huh I go oh we go walk to Caesars Palace And then three days later You're still not there Yeah you know you never get there Yeah it's how far is Caesars Palace Are you alright Four miles Those fucking casinos Are so fucking far dude They don't want you to leave baby Yeah yeah But you think it's Anyway go ahead Pizza, fleshlight, water.
Water. What else? And then a pillow.

I want a pillow.

I know what kind.

My pillow.

Yeah, the MyPillow.

Yeah.

The Mike Lindell.

Mike Lindell.

The Mike Lindell pillow.

I want Mike Lindell in the boat with me.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just screaming out all sorts of conspiracy theories.

Well, I write down all his conspiracy theories.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What's your favorite so far of Mike Lindell's?

Of his conspiracy theories? The yeah yeah what's your favorite so far of mike lindell's of his conspiracy theories um the hugo sash chavez this is not one of them like they like argentina and all these other countries have something to do with i like michelle obama's a man that's my favorite do you not know this i know that michael obama you don't know about this no this is so good what do you mean he there's a lot of these guys that believe in this, that Michelle Obama's just a dude.

It's so fucking fucked up. It's so fucking funny to me.

It's funny, but fucked up.

It's so funny.

It's so funny.

Yeah, yeah.

They believe in it deeply.

Yeah.

They're like, show me a picture of her pregnant.

And they have pictures of her walking, and they have an outline that they say is a penis.

It's so funny, dude.

It's mean.

It's mean-spirited.

I know, I know, but it's a conspiracy theory. Yeah.
Let me ask you something melania trump or michelle obama melania trump racist that's not why you piece of shit no i just like cold eastern europeans yeah you're right they're cold like after you hook up with her she's like no cuddle no no cuddle yeah she barely wants to touch you that's great done, she's like- Michelle's just like, come here, baby. Michelle wants to have a conversation.
Come here, baby. Come here, baby.
Michelle's an intellect. She'd want to converse with you.
Don't you want that? No. What? What? What? Get out of here.
Oh, so Michelle Obama seems like the person, like, if you were fucking playing your PlayStation, two days in, she goes, give me that, and throws it off the fucking balcony. Yeah, she- Melania doesn't give a fuck.
She's not even there. She's not there.
She doesn't even know what it is. As soon as you guys are done having sex, she's just like, I go now.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like, no, no, no, you don't have to.
She's like, I want to. Yeah.
You're making me sick. Oh my God.
She's pretty hot. How hot is that if she said that to you? Right after you have sex.
Yeah. You're I would go to the fuck again I just reloaded

Melania or Ivanka

Ivanka

For sure

I don't know

Me too

She testifies well

She's in the pocket

She's cool

Lauren Boebert

Colorado

Or AOC

See you next time. she's in the pocket she's cool she does yeah yeah alright Lauren Boebert the girl who oh yeah I know Lauren yeah yeah Colorado or AOC in what way though to date oh to date yeah this is your girlfriend now AOC to date really yeah one night stand no chance Boebert she's so much more fun I'd want to date her she's a lunatic it's embarrassing it's awesome I love Hamilton you're gonna get kicked out with her first of all you of all people you're not staying through a whole play you know how date her.
She's a lunatic. It's embarrassing.
It's awesome. I love Hamilton.
You're going to get kicked out with her.

First of all, you of all people, you're not staying through a whole play. You know how great that is? She causes a scene

you get kicked out. It's great.
But it's embarrassing.

It's like, no, I'm going to get

like, don't vape now.

She's vape. Don't vape now.

You're vaping too. Not in

the show of Hamilton. Yes, you would.
If you could get

away with it, you would. You'd vape and blow it in your shirt.

Yeah. I've been with you in places where they tell us not to vape.
I got kicked out of Elton John. Do you guys know that? For vaping? No.
I was drunk. Would you just yell gay or something? In the middle of a song? He's like, this is your song.
I'm going to say what I did. Gay! I spent $850 On the front row In Vegas

And I was so drunk

And he just stood behind this fucking piano

I have five songs

And I just go this is so boring

I go dance

You yelled dance at Elton John

Yeah because he was standing

Sitting behind the piano

He's old

Yeah you want to see an old guy

Geometric dance

Because you're back in the 70s

Remember he was like

Are you moving his fucking legs

Over there at the fucking troubadour

Right

I'm sorry. Yeah you want to see an old guy Geriatric dance No because you're back in the 70s Remember he was like Da da da da da da da da da da Are you moving his fucking legs

Da da da da da da da

Over there's the fucking troubadour

Da da da da da da da

Right and like

He didn't do any of that man

He was just like

Comatose

So go dance

Then they pulled me out

Of the fucking place

And then

You know the talent

He slapped me

You got physically assaulted

By Ellen John's

Talent coordinator

Talent guy

Right

He slapped me

How dare you

Well he's right

How dare you

Well move your legs

Let's go. He slapped me You got physically assaulted by Elton John's Talent coordinator Talent guy Right He slapped me how dare you Well he's right how dare you Well move your legs Elton John's paralyzed You don't know that? That's what the crocodile rock is about You know His legs Yeah yeah Dragged behind him But I love him Elton John? And then years later I got invited to his birthday party I never went because of that Like he would have never remembered Imagine you walk into a birthday party And Elton John is like then years later, I got invited to his birthday party.
I never went because of that. Like, he would have never remembered.
Imagine you walk into a birthday party, and Elton John is, like, telling a story. He's like, well, that night we...
And sees you. All right.
And he goes, dance! Dance! Would you dance for him? Yeah, I would dance better than he did. Well, he didn't dance at all.
Exactly. Exactly.
All right. Anyway, so let's go back to the float.
right so i want water pizza a fleshlight yeah and honestly i need music but i don't know but i don't know what i would do make your own okay so i'd bring a lately no i don't know how to do ukulele okay i'd bring a hang drum but aren't you gonna going to attract like sharks? Yeah, they love music.

Yeah.

I'm a shark.

Yeah.

Is that music?

Yeah, that's what I meant.

Oh, I better go see what's going on there.

Do you think that's what sharks do?

I don't know.

They're just going to hear it and they're going to be curious.

All right, me and you are sharks and we're swimming around.

We're like, hey, Marcus.

Yeah, Ted.

Do you hear that up there?

Not really. Oh, is that a ukulele? Uh-huh.
Let's go check it out. Let's go check it out.
Oh, my God. It's a red-headed guy playing the ukulele.
And what's that on his penis? What's that contraption? I think they call that the fleshlight. You know how we fuck dolphins? Imagine if you got eaten by a shark while you were jerking off.
Oh, that'd be terrible. Like the moment you're, you don't stop.
You're just like, well, what are you going to do? Do they like cum or no? Oh, yeah. Do sharks like blood or cum more? Probably blood.
Probably both. I think I'd bring as minimal stuff as I could.
I would just bring a little bit of food, water, and then something for music to keep myself occupied yeah light what would you bring one of those butts one of those little butts you could have sex with yeah now because I've never done that before so it's just saying I can't believe none of us could last 12 days without doing without sexual yeah well you have another butt but kill two birds with one stone make the flotation device a gigantic butt whoa that's a good idea right that ain't yours just you know create something killed two birds with one stone. Make the flotation device a gigantic bite.

Whoa, that's a good idea.

Right?

That ain't yours. So just create something, kill two birds with one stone is what I'm saying.

All right, I would just bring Xanax and I would make a sex toy out of my raft.

Easy, easy.

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That's a really good gift. Yeah.
That's a great stocking stuff. Because you have this, and then you just have this, and boom.
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Have you taken up any sort of like now because of the baby?

Are you doing anything that you weren't doing before?

Are you smoking?

Are you secretly sneaking off and having a cigarette?

No, I'm just not sleeping.

That's it?

Thank you. you taken up any sort of like, now because of the baby, are you doing anything that you weren't doing before? Are you smoking? Are you secretly sneaking off and having a cigarette? No, I'm just not sleeping.
That's it? That's it. Are you eating bad? Yes.
Did you gain some weight? Yes. What's your little bad boy snack that you have because the baby's keeping you up? I will eat anything.
You'll eat everything that's around. Exactly.
Meanwhile, your wife is still skinny and gorgeous and beautiful. Right.
You didn't have the baby. You know that, right? This is an american theme but like the baby weight goes both ways oh you think because you're an american now you're allowed to get right out of shape but your wife maintains a good shape she's in great shape right she yeah she exercises and eats healthy right so you think because you're now an american citizen you're allowed to be fat right right it's your right to be a fat slob while she works her ass off.
Yes. Wow.
I thought that was I worked so hard for her. Right.
That's why you took that test. Right.
How old is her baby? Nine months. Is it recognition now or no? Yes.
Like, she's looking, oh, there's a porg. Yes, she does that.
How often do you have to update her? Do you have to do like an update? I mean, is she connected to Wi-Fi? Every day, yeah. Yeah.
But she knows who you are. Yes.
Oh, that's cool. Does she go dada? I'm talking to her in Spanish only, so no dada.
What do you say? Papi. Oh, my God.
That's so gross. That's worse than daddy.
Hi, papi. Hi, papi.
Papi chulo. Papi is so gross.
What does she call your wife? Mama. Mama.
Mama papi. When you go home today, the baby's gonna look at you and go, papi.
Yes. Oh, that's so cute.
No, it's not. It's gross.
Papi is what, that's what like... I mean, if she were to say it like you said it, then I would change.
She's going to. Papi.
Hi, papi. I don't like papi.
I disagree with this. This is the same thing with me and daddy.
I don't like daddy. I don't like daddy.
Yeah. I don't like...
When little girls and their dads, it's like daddy. Just say dad.
Dada. Dada is good.
Dada's fine. Or pap.
Or pap-pap. Pap-pap-pap.
Dada. But papi is papi.
I don't like it. You're only teaching her, you're only talking to her in Spanish?

Only, yeah.

And your wife is not though?

No, she's speaking to her in English.

So hopefully.

She's going to get bilingual?

Hopefully.

Wow.

What a superstar she might turn out to be.

Yeah.

Isn't that incredible?

Yeah.

That's a good one.

And has your family met your baby yet?

Yeah.

Oh, that's cool. Oh, because when you went to Spain,

you brought the baby.

Oh, that's cool.

Coach?

Coach.

Yeah. Where did you put the baby? In the overhead? Yeah.
In the suitcase. Sir, you have to put your baby in the overhead.
Do you buy three seats for the baby too or no? Oh, they sit in the lap. The baby gets to sit in the lap.
But you and your wife are sitting together. She has a little bassinet that goes on the plane.
Okay. Do you and your wife like to sit together or do you like to sit separate? Together.
You sit together? Yeah. I'd buy three seats.
One at the ends and the baby in the middle. The baby goes on your lap though.
Yeah, but sometimes you want to, you know what I mean? Put it down? Yeah. That's expensive.
Just to buy a seat? Do you buy three first class seats? No. If I was going to sit a couch, I would do, is that more expensive or? I mean, it's expensive to just buy a seat.
Okay, my bad. don't know I should make it more comfortable for you that's all thank you well do you want to buy his next trip to Spain no I've never met the baby if I meet the baby you will never interview the baby how about this if you meet the baby will you pay for his next trip to Spain yeah I met George's baby and he cried right I'm scared you are a little shocking do you mean? You're scared for him to meet the baby? Yeah.
Wow. Who would you trust more to babysit your baby, Andrew or me? Well, this is hard.
Andrew. Oh, my God.
Didn't even stall. May I explore this? Please.
It's obvious. Yeah, pretty much.
What is it? What's the obvious part? No I'm good I'm good Honestly no Listen I've had a negative attitude today And I got into a little slump But dude I'm open to hear anything right now And I really am not going to be argumentative I want to learn So may I ask you. I'll give you an example.
Give me an example. Okay.
You wanted to have the dogs for one night. One night only.
Yeah. Yeah.
And what? And then what happened? The dogs were taken care of, no? No. What happened? There was diarrhea all over the house.
Dogs poo. No, no, no.
Diarrhea. Dogs don't just diarrhea all over the house.
My dog poops outside. Okay.
And you texted me 8 a.m. to say get them already.
Like you wanted them gone. A dog's not a baby.
Yeah, they are. It's easier than a baby.
May I ask you another question, please? Okay. I'm open.
Okay. I feel great.
Okay. Thanks for being here, guys.
The other question I want to ask you is I have three cats.

Do they seem fine? Self-sufficient.

You don't have to do anything with cats. Do they seem fine?

Well they got

skinny

and they seem more afraid.

They seem more afraid? Are you going to make me

mad right now? I'm just like I'm fine.

I feel great. I feel great.

I feel good.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

You, why?

Well, my-

You, why?

Brief experience with you and babies.

They just get riled up and-

You've never seen him with a baby?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm not saying his-

If he wasn't with his wife alone for 24 hours. He met my baby My baby was so happy Yeah You met his baby? How? We had a little get together Right A baby thing? A baby thing A baby thing I wasn't invited to the baby thing It's just because You're not good with babies You're not good with babies God, everyone's so mad.
So many other strings. You're just triggering me, man.
Every fucking corner is just really tappy, tappy, tappy. You wouldn't come to the baby thing, even if you were invited.
You wouldn't come to the baby thing. Right.
Okay. Would you have gone? I'm sorry.
Let me ask you something. Andrew.
Okay, we're doing it again tomorrow. Do you want to? Yeah, I'll be there.
I'm sorry, Andrew. Let me ask you something.
Let me ask you something, Andrew. You invited me to your party.
Did I not show up? Party is different than a baby hangout. I show up to everything people invite me to.
There's no babies at my party. His baby thing is not a party, like a baby bash? It's just to hang out.
It's just to meet the baby. Or the shower.
Shower. Okay, ready? I'm calling you right now.
Hello? Hey, Bob. I'm going to go to this meet Fancy's baby.
Playing Starfield. Okay, so you don't want to go?

What's going on?

We're just going to meet the baby and say hi and then leave.

What baby?

Fancy's baby.

It's nine months old.

Who's that?

The guy who works on our show.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, he has a baby.

Yeah, but are you busy?

Playing Starfield, just said.

All right, man.

I'll talk to you later.

Bye-bye.

See, that's what I mean.

You wouldn't go to the baby thing.

That's true.

Yeah, you're not going to go to the baby.

You're right.

You're right.

No, you're right.

So it's based on evidence. That's fine.
Everyone spoke their mind. Can I make you feel a little bit better? Because I love you so much as my best friend on earth.
Who would you trust the least with the baby in the room? I mean, any of these. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, you're way above. Oh, so I beat up these two? Of course.
Of course. Why? These don't qualify.
Wait a minute. Time out, time out.
You asked why? Yeah. We made that guy put a butt plug in his butt and you moved around.
That's true. Yeah, that's why.
That's true. I've had multiple abortions, though, so, like, I was there.
I could be a dad right now. No.
What? No. That's your logic? That's your logic? For why you'd be good with babies because you got rid of them? You kill them.
Yeah, but that's because I'm responsible. You're a baby killer.
What? You got rid of them. Who knows how good you'd be with them? You got rid of them.
It's responsible to get rid of them if you're not ready, though. Oh.
For you. So that's why I keep them a little bit.
Away from you. Yeah, he doesn't want you to kill his baby.
But if it was a competition, you would want to pick me because I always want to win. Yes, that's true.

Okay.

So if there was a baby competition, I think the baby would be stoked with me. Would you be better than the merch competition or worse?

Before I choose, I need to know.

That's good.

I'd be better with the baby.

Okay.

Then I'll choose you. Okay.
Thank you. That's going to be your merch, by the way.
It's just a picture of Andreas' baby. Yeah.
I'd be better with the baby. Okay.
Let me say something. I bet you'd be better.
I don't care. Whatever.
No, no. You're good.
Whatever. I'm irresponsible.
No, you're not. You're good with kids.
I'm the worst. You're good with kids.
Thank you. We know you're good with kids.
I love him dude right here Yeah And I'm not a Man U

And I understand why

How do you know this guy?

This guy's all over the internet

He's my favorite guy

He's blowing up right now

Because of

He gets

Because Man U's not playing great

So he gets devastated

He's the best

We got tagged in this a thousand times

People said it was

It was you

In like another universe

Right

Yeah yeah

He's so funny this guy

Go ahead

What

Thank you. people said it was you in another universe.
Yeah, yeah. He's so funny, this guy.
Go ahead.

He's the best.

Are you telling me that's not you yeah i like that his chair said xl on it let you know Also smart of him to not have a lot of breakable shit in his room Yeah But do you know why he likes Man Yu? I don't know I know why Why? I don't know this for a fact Is there a Korean player on the team? There was a legend On their team When Beckham played Yeah His name is Ji Sung Park Ji Sung Park And he was a legend on their team. When Beckham played, his name is Jisung Park.
Jisung Park. And he was a regular Alex Ferguson's menu.
And this guy was so good. He's like a busy bee.
What do you mean? He's just all over the field. He has Asian work ethic.
Nonstop. Yeah, I mean, he's nine jobs.
When the game is over, he's still playing. He's running around.
I mean, if you see it on the map where he is, everywhere. He is a hero.
Say his name. Ji-Sung Park.
Look that up. Ji-Sung Park.
I want to see this guy. This dude was a beast, dude.
Park Ji-Sung. Yeah.
So this guy, just the king of the pitch. The king, dude.
King of the pitch. And he's, the Koreans probably went, because at that time, there were not any Korean players.
Now you have Sun and you have the guy from Wolves. But back then, they were like, and this guy was a star, dude.
Explain something to me. I'm being genuine.
I'm not being, I'm ignorant. If you're going to say he looks like a chimpanzee, I'm going to go out of my mind.
Santoro! Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
Why is it when it's this in sports? I'm being honest. I'm dumb.
Yeah, go ahead. Park Ji Sung, but on the back of his jersey would say Park.
Why would it say his first name? Because it's in reverse. They say the last name first in Korea.
But on that thing, his name is... What's his name? His name is...
Ji Sung Park. That's why I said Ji Sung Park.
In America, it would be Ji Sung Park. In Korea, it's Park Ji Sung.
Why do they do that? Because the last name is first. Why would the last name be first? It's last.
It says last. It's the first name there.
Your last name is your first name? Yeah. How does this make any sense? I'm Lee Young Bobby.
I'm Lee Young Bobby in Korea, dude. You're Santino Andrew.
I'm Santino James Andrew. Yeah, you're Santino James Andrew.
Why? I don't understand this. That's the way we do it.
But I don't get it. What does it mean? I don't know.
Why does the rest of the world not do that? I don't question it. Just do it.
Let's question it. It makes no fucking sense.
Yeah, yeah. Did they do that in the Philippines? No.
No. Yeah, yeah.
Why is it like that? Like, for example, the name Kim Min Su. Kim is the family name.
The family name, the surname is inherited. The use of personal names is guided by a strict system of honorifics so it seems like it's rude it's rude to refer to a stranger or person higher social status by their personal name perceived gender in names is less consistent than in western names that doesn't make any fucking sense yeah yeah I'm an aristocrat you're not at all I am you're a kid from Poway yeah hi, hi.
Hi. Poway hi.
Poway hi. I just don't understand this.
I think they're just like hiding the personal name last. What's personal about a first name? They're the least personal.
I think the last name is more personal. I think to them it's the opposite.
Because the last name is your family root. Like if I'm in Korea with you and I go, Hey, Andrew, if you're in Korea, you'd be like, No, call me Santino.
I don't know you. Well, they call me Santino here, but that's out of a term in Medearmint.
But I wouldn't say that in a formal sense. Like on my jersey, I wouldn't say Andrew.
I would say Santino. Yeah.
And in America, I mean, in England, they said Park on the back. I know what you're saying.
But when you're referring. Why are you so angry about it? Because I don't like the way you guys do things.
I'm an American. I don't know.
You call the embassy and fix it. Okay.
Thank you. I'll call them.
What's this? This is when something goes awry. This is so, you know, the Vikings and the Packers are not a fan of the Chicago Bears.
I know. And these two guys, they found common ground in disliking a Bears fan that they saw in the parking lot.
Okay. This is a and a...
We have some common ground. We gotta start talking.
How you doing? Nice to meet you. Go Bears.
right, man. Yeah, they backed right off.

They thought they were going to go talk shit to that guy.

They walked in with me a Down syndrome, and they were both like,

okay, never mind, we can't say anything to this guy.

Oh, no, you're not a real fucking Packer and Viking fan.

Yeah, you should have lit him up.

What would you have said if you saw a Tottenham fan?

Imagine.

If you go to Ding Dong.

I'm a Tottenham fan.

You say Ding Dong to me.

And my back is turned, and you tap on my shoulder and you've worn our... Hey, fuck it.

What's up?

Hey.

You asshole.

Why?

It has nothing to do with the teams.

Because if you say ding-dong, I go, yeah, that's You're a ding dong In that scene Well why didn't they come in? They got scared What would you say? What are you gonna fucking say to that guy? Hey fuck the bears Yeah The kid with Dallas is gonna be like Why are you so mean? Oh yeah But they should have even known That he had it in the first place How do they know it's his back was turned? This is one of the fucking Bears. He's the only one wearing it.
No, no, no. There were other fans.
Oh, there were? Okay. No, but I mean, how would they know? You're right.
How would they know? Yeah. You're assuming that every Bears fan has Down syndrome? And I got to tell you, you're not too far off.
Yeah. As a Bears fan.
Yeah. You're probably right.
What's the ding dong? It was great. It's what they do.
No, but do you not understand what he- It's what they did. Do you not see what he was doing there? He shook the hand of the Vikings fan, right? Let me guess.
Stop, stop, stop. Yeah.
Do you not understand what happened here? Racism. Yeah, he's racist.
He just called the black guy ding dong. Yeah, that's right.
And that, in a street term, in the Down syndrome community, ding dong is the N word. N word.
You're right.

Yeah.

Because that was a hard dong.

Yeah, it was hard.

Hard G.

That was a hard ding dong.

Yeah.

Hard G.

Whoa, dude.

Well, so what do we got?

We got to cancel this guy.

Yeah, let's cancel.

Let's get it.

Wow.

That's fucking crazy.

Wouldn't shake his hand.

No.

Or can I just say this?

Let me see.

No, no.

Let me explore this.

Right.

And say maybe he was rapping. I think that He wanted him to kick off a- Yeah.
Yeah. Ding dong.
How about somehow more racist? Yeah, he was kind of doing a- No, that's more racist. He starts rapping to the black guy? Right.
No, because he wants to be cool. Oh.
So he doesn't know what to say. Oh, okay.
He's like, oh, it's my first time in front of a black guy. He's like, what's up, ding that dude I've just that just by the way that just the building was good Bill Bellamy so funny he doesn't know who that is that is the rapper designer that's not Bill Bellamy that's.
Say hello to the Chinese fan right here. Yo, much love, man.
Sound to all my Chinese fans. Y'all know what time it is.
We in the building. BTS, man.
Mike, drop. We about to drop it real soon.
Shout out Steve O'Kee. Y'all know what time it is.
We out here. We making the moves, man.
Across the world. Y'all know how we rocking.
Hello in China is Ni Hao. how you did what's me how the asian girl was dancing thinking he was rapping when he was just simply talking that show it again that's hilarious she was just she just this whole thing is embarrassing Say hello to the Chinese fan right here.

Yo, much love, man.

Silent all my Chinese fans, man.

Y'all know what time? This whole thing is embarrassing. Say hello to the Chinese fan right here.

Hey, yo, much love, man.

Silent all my Chinese fans, man.

Y'all know what time it is.

We in the building.

BTS, man.

Mike drop.

We about to drop it real soon.

Okay, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Damn, that is insane.

That's insane, dude.

She starts dancing.

She thinks he's rapping.

She thinks he's rapping.

He's just talking.

That's so embarrassing.

I need to see that again.

No, that's hilarious.

Yeah, okay.

We out here.

We making the moves, man.

But he is doing... He is speaking rhythm.
Yeah. Are you taking her side? Yeah, all right.
You're right. That is crazy.
Oh, my God. It's like two cultures that shouldn't mix.
Nowhere near each other. Yeah, yet they have so much in common what well they both love uh kung fu movies but that's good yeah yeah love what else anime that's good black people love anime yeah yeah uh breakdancing yeah okay dancing yeah can i can i share what i've been mourning this week oh my god is God.
Is everything okay? It's about Harry Styles' hair.

He died?

No.

What happened?

He's bald now.

What do you mean he's bald?

He shaved his head?

Let me see.

Harry Styles shaved his head?

Another Carlos.

This is tragic.

Tragic for you.

What's wrong with that?

Yeah.

That looks cool.

That's cool.

You don't like that at all?

No.

He'll grow it back.

No?

What if he can't grow it back?

No, because he's balding here already.

Yeah, he's balding a little bit, so you're saying this is it for him, huh?

Yeah, and everyone's like mourning about it because he had like such luscious hair.

God, he's so hot though, huh?

I don't know.

The butterfly tattoos don't do it for me.

What?

That would distract me the whole time.

I would lick it.

I'd want to know what they are. Is that a monarch? I'd want to know what kind it is.
He's hot though. Look at him.
Not for me. That's not my style.
He's so hot. I'm sorry about Harry Styles.
I think his hair will grow back and it'll be just fine. Okay.
Yeah. I've also discovered something.
Go ahead. So you know how you and I think that I'm a bit slow and like a little bit R-word? Yeah.
So I discovered, you know, I thought my mom was just smoking weed the whole like her... Pregnancy? Teenage year to like 20-something.
Yeah. And then it's called shabu.
And then when I asked my mom, oh, what's what did you use again? And she said, oh, I use meth. Yeah.
So we all knew that. No, we all didn't.
I discovered I'm a meth baby. You are? Yeah, you were a meth baby because because what Kal's dad did That is huge Yeah, it's great What Kalilah's dad did was She had to, remember, shave her head And then lock her in a house Tied her to a fucking radiator For a month And she just got off meth I always thought I was weak That's how you do it in the old days Transporting style Just tied tied her to a radiator and said no more meth.
I said her. Could you go to the bathroom? Yeah.
You have to ask them. The radiator's by the bathroom.
Oh, okay. That's fine.
Not radiator, but they locked her in a room. So your mom smoked meth the whole time you were, yeah? I don't know.'t know i asked her like how long did you stop before you had me and she said oh like two years three years that doesn't make any sense i i think that's a cover-up yeah and help is available call 1-800-662-4357 if you have meth problems please 1-800-662-4357.
Call today. Do not smoke meth when you're pregnant.
That's crazy. It's called what? Shabu.
Shabu is what they call meth in the Philippines. Sounds more fun.
How do you use meth? Because from what I- Two ways. You snort it or you smoke it.
Well, I've only smoked it. But people do snort it.
From what I saw in my village, they use a plastic.

Yeah, that's because they can't afford the real pipes. The good pipes.

Yeah, the good pipes don't make their way down there.

By ages one and two, toddlers showed delayed motor development.

Preschool and school age, children had settled with significant attention impairments

and were more likely to have cognitive behavioral issues in school,

including liking anime, like One Piece.

Wow, read it in the article.

That's what it says right there. Meth baby's like One piece.
But a lot of the meth is from North Korea. No.
Yeah. Most meth doesn't come from North Korea.
No, the meth that the Philippines get. Well, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. They make meth in North Korea, and then there's ports in Philippines, and it ends up there's crystal meth is North Korea's trendiest

lunar new year gift to the rest of Asia.

Yeah.

Where do you think our meth comes from?

The stuff that we get.

Bakersfield.

Yeah, Midland, California.

The desert.

That's terrible, man.

I'm sorry that you're a meth baby.

Yeah.

So what's your new name on this show?

Meth baby.

Meth baby.

Meth baby.

There's a little meth baby over there.

Well, I'm sorry, meth baby,

but we're happy that you're here with us.

How about that?

And now you're a meth grown up and you're 22.

Thank you, Tito Andrew.

Thank you, Tito Bobby.

You're welcome.

Thank you, everyone, for giving me the best gifts.

Thank you.

And?

Thank you for being a bad friend.