Uh Oh, Hot Dogs!

Speaker 1 Hey, bad bad.

Speaker 1 We go on tour, and I'm going to say something. It's a delight live.
It is the delight live. And it's for you.
It's for you, but it's us, but it's for you.

Speaker 1 People have changed their lives because of our tour. They come, they get a spiritual experience.
They do. They get more Zen, more Zen.
More OM.

Speaker 1 And we have four dates left here at the end of this tour. Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Madison, Texas. Come this year.
Come. Milwaukee, Chicago.

Speaker 1 Minneapolis and Madison. And then in 2024, we're jumping around.
We're playing some casinos and big rooms.

Speaker 1 We're doing Atlantic City, Salt Lake City, Temecula, Temecula, Reno, Sacramento, Long Beach, Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada,

Speaker 1 Tucson, and Vegas. We end in Vegas.
Go to badfriendspod.com. The pre-sale code is bad friends.
If there's still pre-sale on them, go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bad Friends, we got our Patreon. We've told you about it.
Nothing changes. Everyone thinks, what could change, San Diego?

Speaker 1 You get your episodes a little earlier. You get them on Friday instead of Monday.
Right. Ad-free.
Ad-free. Right.
And then extra bonus content. Bonus content.
And we,

Speaker 1 hot dog stuff? Oh, hot dogs. Oh, hot dog stuff.
There's all sorts of bonus content on there. If you want to join the Patreon, jump on board with us.

Speaker 1 There's more stuff that we're adding, more tour videos, more exclusive stuff just for you guys.

Speaker 1 If you don't want to join, thank you for still watching and enjoying the show as it is. Go to patreon.com/slash bad friends.
That's patreon.com slash bad friends. You two are bad friends.

Speaker 1 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 3 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 3 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 Really, you two or something. We're bad friends.
Bro, bro, you're so Bora Bora.

Speaker 1 Ain't Bora Bora's Jamaicans? Bruh, bruh. Welcome to Bora Bora.
Is it near Jamaica? It's right near the beach in Jamaica. Is it really? It's literally nowhere near Jamaica.

Speaker 1 Couldn't be further from Jamaica.

Speaker 1 Just me. Are those guns? That's what they say when you sit down for dinner.

Speaker 1 Welcome to dinner. Shrim.
Shrim. Mahi mahi.
You've never, by the way, French Polynesia. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Had a great time. Did my heart glow a little bit when you wrote, happy birthday, I love you so much on my post of my butt? It made me glow.

Speaker 1 Did you write anything? I flagged it. You did flag it.
I did flag it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to see that.

Speaker 4 Independent post, main feed.

Speaker 1 That is sick. That is sick.
And by the way, now

Speaker 1 not only do I know you flagged it, other people must have flagged it because Instagram sent me a, this is a violation of our community rules. I didn't flag it.
Damn. No, but enough people did.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's like, I showed nothing in that photo.

Speaker 4 Yeah, Instagram was like, you should be getting paid for a picture.

Speaker 1 Hell yeah, dude. Pay.
Are these fans doing it or people who hate us? I think it's both.

Speaker 1 Hey, fans, don't do it. Don't flag us.
Don't flag.

Speaker 4 Let us show our butt.

Speaker 1 Please. By the way, there's girls on Instagram showing way worse than what I'm showing.
Miss Pat. I've seen fallopian tubes

Speaker 1 on Instagram. Miss Pat saw my butt, or lack thereof, in her opinion, and she goes,

Speaker 1 you look like your back go all the way down to your feet.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So good. Yeah, I had a great time.
Bora, Bora, French Polynesia, lovely time. And

Speaker 1 at the airport,

Speaker 1 a guy goes,

Speaker 1 are you, bruh, bruh? Are you? Are you? Are you? No, really? I am. He literally goes, he goes, but this is the wildest shit about French Polynesia.
They look, they're, you know, they're islanders.

Speaker 1 They look like Samoans and Tongans. Are they black?

Speaker 1 Compared to us, yeah. But would you consider them black? No.

Speaker 1 If you saw them in LA, would you like to hold your wallet? Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, you would? Yeah. Well, they're black.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, they look like islanders. They're French.

Speaker 1 Honestly, they look like... Natives, like Hawaiians, same kind of thing.
Pacific Island. Oh, Moana.
Moana. Moana Kaya.
But the wildest shit is, and you know, is someone that goes to Hawaii a lot.

Speaker 1 In Hawaii, they've got that language, bro.

Speaker 1 In French Polynesia, because it's fucking French,

Speaker 1 they all speak French and they have French. So you see a big, like, a big Polynesian-looking cat.
Yeah. And he's like, yeah, how are you, monsieur? Are you good?

Speaker 1 I swear, it's the funniest shit. Can I ask you something? Yeah, please.

Speaker 1 What's the women like? What are the girls like? Yeah, what do they look like? Let me tell you. For Carlos.
Carlos wants to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at his dick. Hard.

Speaker 1 The women there are the exact

Speaker 1 same size as the men.

Speaker 1 It was wild.

Speaker 1 The women can beat the shit out of you and make you a good meal. There was not a lot of big women.
The legs are like tree trunks.

Speaker 1 They are. Yeah, we didn't even take a boat to the island.
All pussies, though. A woman just picked us up and walked us through the water.
It was pretty incredible. No, we had a great time.

Speaker 1 They're beautiful, wonderful. But is there a strip club and stuff?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there was. In Bora Bora? No, I don't fucking.
What the fuck? I was with the beach. You're in the White Beach.
Yeah, I was at the White People Beach. I was at the All-White People Beach.

Speaker 1 Can I ask another question? Is there food? I mean, there's food, but is it good food?

Speaker 1 A lot of fish. Ate a lot of fresh tuna right out of the ocean.
That's great. Caught that morning,

Speaker 1 sliced it up, put it in my throat. What do you got to say? You're smiling, you little mischief.
No, I'm just laughing about the Borobora strip club. Bora Bora.
Yeah, there is one. There is one.

Speaker 1 And they actually strip on trees. They use trees as the poles.
And

Speaker 1 there's only one woman because she takes takes up the whole space.

Speaker 1 Bora and her sister Bora. Bora, Mora.
Mora Bora. Yeah.
It was amazing. They all speak French.
It's the weirdest fucking thing. Wow.
And they say,

Speaker 1 Maruru, that means thank you. Yeah.
Is it worth it? Oh, yeah, dude. Let's hope so.
Yeah. Because I might want to bring a lady over there.
It was 100% the best time I think I've had.

Speaker 1 I'll show you a photo of what the hut looked like. Oh, my God.
So you get like a hut over the water. And since the woman knew it was my birthday, she goes, she was a sweet little French girl.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she says,

Speaker 1 she goes,

Speaker 1 your room is ready. Something maybe a little special for you? What is it? And I said, what? Look, she put us at the very end of the pier.

Speaker 4 No way, that was where you stayed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was me. That's where you stayed? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's like a fucking, you know, that's avatar shit.

Speaker 1 Dude, it felt, it honestly. Is that Pandora? What the fuck is going on around here, man?

Speaker 1 We stayed at the very end of the.

Speaker 1 And can you walk out the door and just jump in the water? Yeah. Did you do that? I did it every fucking

Speaker 1 spot. Every day.

Speaker 1 Here,

Speaker 1 there's some other pictures I send you right there, Carlos.

Speaker 1 So you wake up in the morning, you jump off the back of your dock into the fucking water. It's insane.
Oh, my God. Incredible.
Yeah, so that's the...

Speaker 1 Right there is like when you walk up to the huts, they're all like over the water.

Speaker 1 And we're, she, look, you're still very private, but she put us at the very last hut because she wanted us to have full privacy out to the ocean. Bro, if Carlos went, you know what would happen? Hmm.

Speaker 1 The dolphins would press charges. 100%.

Speaker 1 In court.

Speaker 1 Gloyle, loyal.

Speaker 1 Don't ever go there, dude.

Speaker 1 I love dolphins. Don't ever go there.
Zoom in on that. So there's a picture of the reef in the lagoon.
You can literally swim in any of the lagoons.

Speaker 4 You took this picture? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, my. That doesn't look pretty.
It does to me. Yeah, that looks like whale shit.
That is whale shit. Oh, it is so.

Speaker 1 Give me color. It's so gray and dismal.
No, that's all. That's what it is.
Go to the next photo. You took that photo? Yeah.
Okay. And then this.
Let me look at this one. I mean, that's.

Speaker 1 That's the main beach. So if you want to go, so zoom in, you can see the huts on the water.
But if you just want to go to the main beach. Oh, is that a shark? Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's just a black guy. Oh, that's a black eye.

Speaker 1 No, no, if you want, that's the main beach. That's beautiful.
And people were there hanging out every day, but I prefer to swim off the back of the dock. Like, go to the next photo.

Speaker 1 You could see in the morning, I would wake up and just do that. That's right off the bat.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Are there sharks? Yeah, there was one in the water. I swear to God.
Like, tiger sharks? You guys can ask. My lady, she was like, uh, shark.
And I go, shut up. And she goes, shark, shark, right there.

Speaker 1 But what kind?

Speaker 1 I think it's called, I think it was called.

Speaker 1 So you're back. How's your energy right now? Very peaceful.
I feel good. It's a long flight.
It was a very long flight. How long, how long, how long? I think it's nine or something like that.

Speaker 1 Nine hours. From Tahiti.
And then you have to fly from Tahiti to Bora Bora.

Speaker 1 How long is that? Just another hour and some change or something like that. So you're looking at like a 10-hour, 11-hour experience.
Yeah, with the layover and all that stuff. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that first class? That's nice. No, not first class.
You did coach.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Are you making fun of me? I'm not making fun of you. I think you're fucking lying.
No. You did coach

Speaker 1 from LA to Tahiti, Tahiti. Back of the plane.
Really? How did I do that? How did I stay? How did you do it? I stayed in the bathroom for about three or four hours. Oh, you did?

Speaker 1 I just stood in the back. I was sleeping in the bathroom.
Yeah. Okay, so you did that.
Yeah. Okay.
That was fine. It worked for me.
That's no way you did. Yes, I did.

Speaker 1 I'll show you my ticket. 23A and 20.
I'm just swearing on my mother's life.

Speaker 1 No, that's crazy. Well, then if you were telling the truth, you would.
No, I don't want to swear on anybody's life. That's dangerous.
No. Am I right, Fancy?

Speaker 1 If she dies tomorrow, then it's my fault for some reason. You have to just say, yes, I flew first class.
I did not. You lied.
I did not.

Speaker 1 I will say the little plane you take to Tahiti from Borobor. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 A scary.

Speaker 1 It's one of those where the guys out there are like, muck, muck, brrrrr, and he spins the fucking. Oh, it's a buddy holly killing.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like the whole time.

Speaker 1 And the pilots. The buddy Holly Killing ones went.
Oh my gosh. Pilots on there singing, ooh,

Speaker 1 buddy. Buddy Holly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, but that plane wiped out legends. Yeah, what do you mean? The big bopper.
Dude. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the same plane that. The Mexican guy who thinks he's white? Otis Redding crashed.

Speaker 1 The Mexican guy who thinks he's white? Richie Valence. Richie Valence.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah,

Speaker 1 the two propellers, the wobbly bobbly. The wobbly.

Speaker 1 I don't like the wobbly bobby. Wobbly bobblies, no.

Speaker 1 Meanwhile, there's a woman next to me, a French woman in the, you know, because a lot of these people, French citizens must get some sort of deal from the government because it's mostly French people.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And this French woman is next to me across the aisle the whole flight.

Speaker 1 And nobody is going, fuck. No one's looking.
Everyone's like this.

Speaker 1 That's how they laugh. Oh, that's French laugh.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I thought she was singing a French song on a microphone. She was her kid.

Speaker 1 Karaoke.

Speaker 1 It was ridiculous. Let me.

Speaker 1 What's the most tragic way a celebrity has died, though?

Speaker 1 I got it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Did I tell you? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Sonny.

Speaker 1 Sonny from Sonny and Share. Sonny Bono? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wasn't that a car? He hit a tree, right? That's terrible. He hit a tree on skis.
Wasn't he skiing?

Speaker 1 He was skiing and he hit a tree.

Speaker 4 I knew he hit a tree. I assumed it was by car.

Speaker 1 I didn't know. Did the tree come out of nowhere? Yeah.
Yeah. You know how those trees do.
Yeah. Injuries occurred when he hit a tree while skiing at Heavenly.
Oh, I've been to Heavenly.

Speaker 1 It's Great Mountain.

Speaker 4 Right after after he went.

Speaker 1 Dude, he directly hit a tree. That's the tree.
That's the tree. There it is.
Wow. They didn't

Speaker 1 cut those scene out. Yeah, that did.

Speaker 1 You chopped that tree down.

Speaker 1 That tree murders a legend, and you're going to keep it up. That's wild.

Speaker 1 Who's lawyer? Who are the lawyers for the trees?

Speaker 1 He's got some good ones. Just Cochrane.
Cochrane did that, too.

Speaker 1 And I think the tree won.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah.

Speaker 1 If the tree doesn't leave, you must leave it alone.

Speaker 1 I was about to do that. Jeez, that was good.
That was good. That was good.
But, um, wow. That's unbelievable.
It's still there in Heavenly. Still there.
We can visit it. I would not.
Yeah, no.

Speaker 1 How'd you get? How would you get there? What if you were going to visit it, skiing down the hill, and you hit another tree trying to go see that tree? No thanks. Oh, right.
Actually, you know what?

Speaker 1 The worst? I'll tell you one that's bad. Give me a celebrity one.
I'll give you one that's bad. Is

Speaker 1 it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep doing it.
I think I got it.

Speaker 1 Let me get it. Yeah, you got it.
Bubblies, bubbly.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. It's

Speaker 1 a landylion.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Selenandylion.
Selenondylion, dad. Sell a lot of dollylions.
You don't know her? Oh, dude, I know selenandelions. She woodwork, dude, sculptors.
She's very good.

Speaker 1 She's a good sculptor, huh? You don't know her works,

Speaker 1 I think.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you one that's bad. What? Sam Cook.
How did Sam Cook die? Sam Cook. This is a terrible story.
Yeah. Unbelievable.
Sam Cook had a bunch bunch of money in his pocket, was going to

Speaker 1 West Side here in Los Angeles, right?

Speaker 1 Had a bunch of cash out, got fucking wasted as shit. A woman, who was a lady of the night, saw this, a gold digger, if you will, approached him to go back to a hotel with her.

Speaker 1 He goes back to a dingy hotel. Her side of the story is, tried to sexually assault her, and so she self-defended herself, shot and killed him.

Speaker 1 The truth came out years later, years later, which is so sad. She called the girl from the front desk to set him up, to rob him.

Speaker 1 He caught them in the act of being robbed while he was passed out, drunk, chased after them, shot him in the chest, and killed him. And his final words were, Lady, you shot me.

Speaker 1 Like one of the greatest singers of all time. His last words.

Speaker 1 If he would have lived, that song would have been Lady, you shot me,

Speaker 1 shot me in the belly.

Speaker 1 That would have been number one. Lady, you shot me, You shot me in the belly.

Speaker 1 Look at that. Such a good singer.
Well, there's self-inflicted ways, too. Like, you know, the two.
Let me ask you something, a question, okay? Okay.

Speaker 1 Give me the two people, celebrities, who died for audio fixation. Auto, not audio.
That's when you're jerking off with headphones on. What? Autoerotic asphyxiation.
Say it with me.

Speaker 1 Audio fixation. This is like Sesame Street for adults.
All right.

Speaker 1 We're going to learn a term today.

Speaker 1 Hey, music girls. Say say it with me.
Audio eroto.

Speaker 1 Auto. Auto like a car.
Automatic. Auto.
Auto. Erotic.
Auto erotic. Asphyxiation.
I got it right now. Let's do it.
Auto erotic.

Speaker 1 Auto erotic asphyxiation. Close.
Let's do it again. Auto erotic asphyxiation.
It sounds like you're there. I think that's it.
I think I'm dead on, dude. Do it again.
Auto erotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 1 Can you say it without moving a part of your body? Oh, fuck. That's going to be hard.
Yeah, try it. Without moving your face.

Speaker 1 Make no no movement. Rotate, watch me do it once and you.
I'm a robot. Can I be a robot in the future? No, you have to be Bobby.
No, I gotta be a robot. No, because a robot.

Speaker 1 It's exactly what a robot would say. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
You're doing it there. You're still doing it.
The robot still did it.

Speaker 1 You went like this. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 1 All right. Ready?

Speaker 1 What would you like to know?

Speaker 1 Robot, how did

Speaker 1 auto erotic asphyxiation?

Speaker 1 Can you say it faster?

Speaker 1 I didn't hear what you said. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 1 Sorry? Auto-erotic asphyxiation. One more time, Mr.
Autoerotic Asphyxiation.

Speaker 4 Wait, now do it where you're just moving your feet like the Irish dancing.

Speaker 1 Auto-erotic asphyxiation. Fuck you.
I'm not doing this anymore.

Speaker 1 Give me the two celebrities that died that way.

Speaker 4 Gosh, I don't.

Speaker 4 Wait, give me a hint. I really don't even know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.
You need one hint. Okay, one of them was an actor.
Okay, that narrows it down. And the other one was a singer.
This actor was also in, he played Bill in Kill Bill.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 I don't know his name, but David Carradine.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I would have never guessed that.

Speaker 1 Okay, so David Carradine did that. They actually named it the Carradine when you drink.

Speaker 1 It's called Caradining Yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then

Speaker 1 Mike Hutchinson. What's his name? Michael Hutchinson?

Speaker 4 I never would have guessed it.

Speaker 1 What's his name? Come on. From Inexx? In excess.
In excess. In excess.
The band is.

Speaker 1 I don't know either. Yeah, it is.
It's Hutchins, right? Michael Hutchins. Yeah, Hutchins.
Hutchins. Hutchins, yeah, yeah.
Suicidal depressed under the influence of alcohol and drugs.

Speaker 1 They didn't want to give you the rest? They just said he overdosed? No,

Speaker 1 he did that.

Speaker 1 Have you heard of NXS?

Speaker 1 No, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 You know, some of their songs. That's one of those bands that I don't think you might not recognize the name of the band, but you know the songs.

Speaker 1 It's so funny because they were so huge when we were alive.

Speaker 1 In the late 80s. In the late 80s, that it's like, for me, when people don't know, it just boggles my mind.
But that's, I guess, that's what happens when you're old.

Speaker 1 Wise, wise. It's very wise.
No, it's old and more. But this shit, though, is like this, your music, I know about your music.
I listen to Billie Eilish.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 That's not her. That's not her music.
I'm just saying, like, modern music, but I also go in the past. I don't know why young people don't know anything about the past.
I don't know if that's true.

Speaker 1 I think young people do. I just think there's too much to know.

Speaker 4 There's so much. I'm so bad with references, which is terrible as a comedian.

Speaker 1 Well, think about it like this. There used to be less to know.
It'd be like, what bands do you guys like? The Beatles. They're like, who else? They're like, that's the band.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I would argue against that. In the era of the Beatles, their competition was almost nil.
How many other fucking bands were around that? Beach Boys.

Speaker 1 Rolling Stones. The Rolling Stones.
The Monkeys. Yeah, but that's it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The Grateful Dead.

Speaker 1 Totally different category of music. No, but it's.
No, but I know, but I'm saying just there wasn't

Speaker 1 the competition wasn't that rich in terms of great bands. The Velvet Underground, I mean,

Speaker 1 that Velvet Underground wasn't Beatles. That was in the time of the Beatles.
Yeah, they were the same in time.

Speaker 1 In New York, of course, they were. They knew each other.
No, they were

Speaker 1 at the end of the Beatles. Okay, anyway.
The point is, now there's

Speaker 1 so much music. There's so much music.
Still, you and I, I hate to argue with you because I knew you just got back from Barbara.

Speaker 1 But my point is that the argument is that

Speaker 1 it's still that when modern music, I still,

Speaker 1 I'll go by a Taylor Swift album. No, you listen to it.
Yeah, 1975. Taylor Swift's awesome.
1979, whatever that album is. You complain about that.

Speaker 1 1989, man. That was a good album.
And the reason why I know I listened to that album is because Ryan Adams covered that album from beginning to end.

Speaker 1 So I wanted to listen to Taylor Swift to see the difference between the two. But my point is, I'm very curious still.
My point is, why isn't your generation curious?

Speaker 4 I know why. Because, Google, we can just have to remember anything anymore.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you don't have to either.

Speaker 1 Fuck you. Why would I, dude? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know. So you don't sound like an idiot.
Whatever. Whatever, dad.
Let me hit my vape pen. All right.
Oh, I saw. Oh, my God.
I'm in the fucking vape documentary.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Do you know how weird this is? I didn't approve this.

Speaker 1 I got you, dude. Dude, I got Charles Vance.

Speaker 1 I was Charlie.

Speaker 1 That is you. So, this is what's crazy.
I got sent this by a thousand people, this vape documentary. Yeah.

Speaker 1 The Rise and Fall of Jewel, which is actually great. As Carlos smacks a Jewel, go ahead and smack yours too.

Speaker 4 They're going to think it's about Jewels, about Rudy.

Speaker 1 It is about Rudy Jules.

Speaker 1 I got sent it. So, this is what's really fucked up.
I didn't approve this footage. I didn't, obviously, not.
No one's asked me.

Speaker 1 I'm in it for, it's one frame, but I say, I take a hit off of that and I go, this is really good. No.
Yeah, but here's the deal. This is so Jewel is a company called Plume.

Speaker 1 They owned this thing called the PAX, the P-A-X. I remember the PAX, yeah.
So the PAX was initially made as an alternative because the Jewel wasn't really like ready yet. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So they made this and it got really used for weed. And what happened was, this is back in 2013, maybe.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I have my mixology. I was long beard, long hair.

Speaker 1 But dude, they would hand these out at shows. They would give you weed and a PAX, right? For free.
So a company member from PAX pulled me in a room.

Speaker 1 I don't remember this being on camera, but we were smoking weed and they said, hey, these are like $300, but we'll give you one, you know, if

Speaker 1 you just say what's up for our website. Right.

Speaker 1 2013. I'm like, oh, okay.
So I took a hit and I was like, this is actually red. And it was.
I really loved it because you could pack a little bit of weed and vape it in your car and move on.

Speaker 1 And now it's used in this fucking thing. And I never said I wanted it.
Does it say your name in the no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you know what that says on the flash in the picture?

Speaker 1 You know why they did that? They don't even know that that's me. I don't think they know that.
They do. They don't know who I am.
I owe you a fucking mind.

Speaker 1 I want to

Speaker 1 give you a compliment. Jewel.
I know. I've been trying not to do this.
Why'd you give me this? Because you fucking asked for it. Oh, that's right.

Speaker 1 And you better have two more tomorrow for when we travel. Yeah, so my point is:

Speaker 1 you're on fire, bud. No, no, dude.
Yeah, that's what it is. And this is.

Speaker 1 Dude, I know what you're saying. This has nothing to do with that.
What you're doing, dude.

Speaker 1 What you're doing is, I'm going to put this little vape, you know, this vape thing on and pretend like, why do they do this? No, I didn't like it. You wanted us to go.

Speaker 1 You want us to go, oh, because you're a big name. No.
And then he's going to go, oh, no, no, that's not why I did dude. It's fucking bullshit.
It's Bora Bora shit. And enough.
I'm tired of the shit.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 No, dude, this is weird. They don't use my name.
They don't say anything.

Speaker 1 It doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 It makes perfect sense. I did not.
You're famous. No, dude.

Speaker 1 The documentary is about vaping. It uses me for four seconds, and I don't...
It's a clip that's meaningless. It's not a...
It doesn't make sense. Are you kidding me? You made it.

Speaker 1 You made it. You think I put that in there? No, I think you made it.
Look, see what he's doing? What is he doing? He's going against you. You're in the pot.
Smart. Yeah, you're going against him, huh?

Speaker 1 Very smart. This is the first time you've ridden my wave, dude.
After he called me crying.

Speaker 1 He called me crying this past week.

Speaker 1 Andrew, I don't know if I can take that show anymore. It's too much water for me.
I can't edit and turn it around that fast. And And you a bubby and nobody listening to my ideas anymore.

Speaker 1 Shut up, bitch.

Speaker 1 You really did that call? Fucking bitch.

Speaker 1 And then what'd you say? I said, go take your kid, bitch. And I hung up on him.

Speaker 1 I know it's like some people like, I don't want to. Grow up, you pussy.
Other people that I work with are like, I don't know if I can do this anymore. It's like, fuck off.
Fuck off. Fuck off.

Speaker 1 You mean you joined the part?

Speaker 1 You joined the party when you needed it.

Speaker 1 You joined the party when you needed it. And now that you're riding the wave.
Too much? I'm going to do a different wave. Ah, okay.
All right, go ride out of the wave. You know what?

Speaker 1 That wave is going to dwindle and you're going to be stuck back on the beach, dude. Yeah.
And guess what? We're still out there cowabunging. Kawabunga.

Speaker 4 T-H-S-S-O-N.

Speaker 1 Ten toes on the nose. Yeah, let me tell you.
Autoerotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 1 Got it. That's what you should have called your podcast fancy.
Autoerotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 He never, no, he didn't call me this weekend because if he did, I would have given him a beautiful phone call of solace and hope. Right? Yeah.
Tell me. We have good phone calls.

Speaker 1 We have good, beautiful phone calls, my little good actor. Yeah.
Really good actor. I believe anything you're saying.

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Speaker 1 Bespoke Post, you guys, the holidays are arriving, and this is the best gift to give anybody. A loved one.
That is true.

Speaker 1 No matter where your adventures take you this fall, Bespoke Post has a box of awesome to make it just that more awesome.

Speaker 1 The box of awesome is filled with carefully chosen gear from the best small brands around the world. Let's see what we got.
Oh, I can't find it.

Speaker 1 What's in there? Oh,

Speaker 1 oh, this is actually so cool. Look at this.
Yeah. A primula.
Look at this, huh? A little coffee machine, a little coffee maquel. Dude, that looks so expensive.
A coffee maquel.

Speaker 1 Look how high-class that looks. But that's not just it.
That's the best part about Bespoke. There's all sorts of fun stuff in the box.
Bitter cue bitters to put in drinks.

Speaker 1 And then another box in here, Bobby. Yeah.
What's inside of this, my sweet little prince? Guess what? Something else very cool. It's paper.
Sorry, that was just the paper. Yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1 that.

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Speaker 1 Bad friends.

Speaker 1 How was Austin? You went?

Speaker 4 It was good. I went to Austin.
I got Yuma, Tucson. I've been all around.
You're in Boroboro. I'm in Yuma, Arizona.

Speaker 1 Same, same. Same, same.
What was that? Where did you play club?

Speaker 4 I've been headlining.

Speaker 4 Yeah, when I'm on my own, I'm trying to.

Speaker 1 So, Yuma, where'd you play?

Speaker 4 It was like a dance club that they made into a stand-up venue.

Speaker 1 And you were the headliner? Oh, cool.

Speaker 4 I'm doing this. It's so fun.
I do the theaters with you guys, and then I do the dance rooms when I'm by myself.

Speaker 1 That's about the dance room. How many people showed up? Dance room's good.

Speaker 4 Close to 200.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. That's rap.
Thank you. Fun.
Fuck you. Yeah, I'm picking around one to 200.

Speaker 4 Spokane's coming soon and Phoenix.

Speaker 1 Yeah, my people are going to come out.

Speaker 4 I know.

Speaker 1 I'm really excited. That's the coolest part.
People.

Speaker 1 You're sending people. Oh, Spokane or something.
Bobby got people all over the world, you know. They come out to support us.
Thanks, bud.

Speaker 1 Thank you, bud. Yeah, you got people in Bora Bora.
I told you. Oh, I didn't even say it.
The guy at the airport literally goes, he goes, sorry,

Speaker 1 are you on a podcast?

Speaker 1 And I said, yeah. And he goes,

Speaker 1 the one with Bobby? And I said, yeah. And he goes,

Speaker 1 I love that show.

Speaker 1 Thank you, man. Thank you so much.
So sweet. And I go, and it's a priority tag on my bag there.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No, but he, but it was, it was wild to get, to get, you know what the wildest thing is when people do this? Another guy did this at the fucking hotel.

Speaker 1 Nice, you know, very like cordial, da, da, da. And then he says,

Speaker 1 thank you so much for dining with us, blah, blah, blah. And I said, no problem.
And then he goes, tell Bobby I said hi.

Speaker 1 Do you really do? Yeah. And I was like, it's so fucking cool.
That's cool. That international, but he didn't say anything.
He didn't make a thing.

Speaker 1 He just, as I walked away, he goes, just just tell Bobby, I said hi. And I was like, oh, that's so fucking rad.
Great. It was rad.
It was fucking feels cool.

Speaker 1 All over the world, dude. We got fans in fucking South Pacific, dude.

Speaker 4 And Yuma. Everyone in Yuma.

Speaker 1 And that's what I said to him. You know, who matters the most? Yuma, Arizona, baby.
You know what? Also, I've been good at, and I've grown, is I take photos while I'm eating now. What do you mean? Oh.

Speaker 1 Selfies? No, like, you know. Just you chewing? Yeah, I'm chewing at a restaurant, and people will walk up and go, can I have a photograph? And usually I'm like, hey, I'll do it after I'm eating.

Speaker 1 But now, dude, with a burrito in my mouth,

Speaker 1 you've grown.

Speaker 1 I stand up. All right.

Speaker 1 And I do it. See, I like it after I'm eating because I look like shit when I eat.
I eat like a nightmare. I just inhale food.
Is there any situation that bothers you when that happens?

Speaker 1 When somebody wants a photo? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No. No, I don't really, it doesn't really matter.
Unless it's like, obviously, like, come on, dude, this is a weird time. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Give me an example. Like bathroom.
Yeah, bathroom's fucking weird. You're peeing next to a guy.
Yeah, wait till I'm out. We'll be outside in two seconds.
Oh, yeah, okay. Bathroom is weird.

Speaker 1 Also, it's crazy disrespectful when they ask,

Speaker 1 like, if I'm with somebody, whether it's like a wife or a friend or whoever, and they ask them to take the photo. I'm always like, oh, yeah.
I'm always like, no, dude, self. Like vice versa.

Speaker 1 When we're together, that's the worst. Dude, the worst is when you and I.

Speaker 1 The worst is when you and I are together and somebody says, hey, can you take a photo of me and Andrew? And you go, get benefit. And I go,

Speaker 1 I don't do it. I say, get the fuck fuck out of here.
I go, I go, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 But not because it's like, you don't want to photo me. It's like, take a selfie.
When people go, hey, can I have a photo? And I go, yeah. And then they go, they look around for someone.

Speaker 1 I go, dude, we'll take it. It's this.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll take it together.

Speaker 1 I hate it when somebody goes, can I have a photo? And I go, of course. And they go, excuse me.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Can you take a like, it's like, no, no, dude, fuck.
Or they do an Annie Leibowitz photo shoot. Like, okay, can we, let's figure out what we're going to do.
No, take a photo.

Speaker 1 Can you do a gang sign, but be on your knees, and I'll be backwards, and I'll do a fucking tilt. I was like, no,

Speaker 1 they do that all the time. Or this: I went on both angles.
I went wide. Yeah, and wide.
And then, you know what I mean? And then

Speaker 1 let's make the third one fun. Yeah, can we do like a dirty Sanchez or something? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, dude.

Speaker 1 Just take it. It's fun.
Enjoyed the moment. We're grateful.
It's fun. Thank you so much.

Speaker 4 I know I'm just gay and tasteless, but this happened the other day. I was talking to my friend outside about a mutual friend of ours who's on drugs now.
Very sad story. We don't know.

Speaker 1 Wait, do we know?

Speaker 4 He lost. I don't think you guys know him.

Speaker 1 Then why'd you say mutual friend?

Speaker 4 Me and my friend I was

Speaker 1 stay with me.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, let me keep it. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I want to address that first.
I'd like to address that first.

Speaker 1 Someone sells out one dance hall, and boy, oh, boy, did it go to her head. Earlier today, you told me to go fuck myself.

Speaker 4 Yeah, that's after you told me to fuck myself.

Speaker 1 I'm the boss. But that's the boss.
I'm the boss, right? I go, fuck you. You You go fuck you.
And then I shit. And then you just did that.
So

Speaker 1 I'm feeling feisty. I know.
You're very feisty today, all right? So calm down, but continue.

Speaker 4 Just, you guys taught me everything I know.

Speaker 1 It was our fault.

Speaker 1 He created a monster.

Speaker 4 All right. So we're talking about our friend who's lost his mind.
I think he's schizophrenic. We've seen him on like Hollywood Boulevard, and we were talking about what do we do?

Speaker 4 Is there anything to do? And then the stranger came over and goes, oh my God, I love you. I'm bad friends.

Speaker 1 Can I get a picture with you? That's perfect.

Speaker 4 Those sentences are kind of bad.

Speaker 1 That breaks it up. Did you do it? Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah. With a smile on your face.
Yeah, I was like, get out of my face. I have a fan here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Jesse, I really need your help.
If you could do anything. Juicy?

Speaker 1 From bad friends?

Speaker 4 I asked him to take the picture. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, by the way, are you going to sleep tonight? What time are you leaving the airport? We're leaving at the same time.

Speaker 1 Well, no, I'm leaving at six. You're leaving at 5:30.
Yeah, but I'm probably going to get some sleep. And we're coming back Sunday, right? We are.
So we don't have to pack a lot.

Speaker 1 I'm packing a backpack. I'm going to do a backpack.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fuck that we're going one night in and out in and out yeah yeah and it's just you and i flying at the same time and then you guys are flying a different flight yeah we're later than you guys yeah you're later than today

Speaker 1 i know you guys want some alone time we'd like to be alone we'd like to be alone we have our own moments i'll not i'm not gonna lie i hate it because i miss you guys we'll miss you too but we'll see you when we get there oh you you showtimer

Speaker 4 wait a second you like flying with us oh yeah i like the uber ride from your house it's like an hour of quality time together oh that is true.

Speaker 1 We do have a nice time together. Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 But Friday night, we have time. Are we going to all have dinner? Yeah.
Oh, I would love that. Well, I don't divide that.
What time do you guys get in? 9. 9 p.m.

Speaker 1 We'll have already eaten. No dinner by then.
Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 No dinner. That's okay.
That's okay.

Speaker 1 Bob, you and I will go out to dinner.

Speaker 1 Where do you want to go?

Speaker 1 Where do you want to go? A little one-on-one date. Let's go.
I'd like to go somewhere very nice. Let's go somewhere fancy.
Can I be honest? Who invited me over to their house? Be honest.

Speaker 1 Let me guess. Jim Jordan.

Speaker 1 Are you serious?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No.
Damn it.

Speaker 1 Someone in DC invited me to their house.

Speaker 1 Is it high up? Pretty, pretty big. Biden? Pretty high up.
Huh? Joe Biden?

Speaker 1 Do you know Joe? How do you know Joe?

Speaker 4 I've just seen him online, like on Rollins.

Speaker 1 I want you to come over to my house.

Speaker 1 Bring the Chinese boy, all right?

Speaker 1 Maybe he'll make something in the living room and we'll watch him.

Speaker 1 He's still with the yellow man. Is the yellow man there?

Speaker 1 I gotta take an hour. I don't know what's China.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Chris Christie.

Speaker 1 I love Chris Christie. He invited me over.
Are you being real? He does a buffet at his house every night. Do you know that?

Speaker 1 I can tell from the phone.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Oh, it's a buffet every single day at his house.

Speaker 1 It's like a fucking resort. It's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 You can get your eggs any way you want them, but you couldn't get them pre-made. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, fuck.
Did you know Chris Christie? No, what?

Speaker 1 Fuck do I know Chris Christie? I don't know any both. Dude, D.C.
is one of those places that

Speaker 1 is so fake. You know it's a fake city.
It's Hollywood for ugly people.

Speaker 1 Did you say that before?

Speaker 1 Did you say that before? I don't know if I said that before. I feel like I'm having deja vu.

Speaker 1 I feel like you did. I think you said that one time or somebody said that in it.
Maybe I stole it from somewhere. No, it's such a good phrase.
Hollywood for ugly people.

Speaker 1 It's Hollywood for the power-hungry. No, it's people that grew up and they're like, I can't be an actor.

Speaker 1 Right. Look at my face.
Can't be a singer.

Speaker 1 And my body, right? Like Chris Christie, right? He looks in the mirror, like, you know, running lines as a kid, right? You know, he was doing plays 100%. What?

Speaker 1 He was doing like Fiddler on the Roof and shit. You know, Chris Christie was doing fiddling.
No, he was doing scenes from What's Eating Gilbert Grape?

Speaker 1 They wouldn't let him on the roof. Yeah, just playing the mob the whole time.
You can't let him up.

Speaker 1 You got to get him off the roof. He's got to break the roof.
And misery.

Speaker 1 Oh, hey, also, return of the Jedi.

Speaker 1 Just do Java. But he's featured, but he's featured in all these movies and plays, dude.

Speaker 1 He's a main character. Anyway, he's like, at one point, he's like, no, I think I'm going to go to DC.
Yeah, I got to move. Yeah, I want to be a politician.
Yeah, I want to change the world.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm really riveted by.

Speaker 1 If I saw Jim Jordan, even though I don't like follow his politics, I would be starstruck. Well, yeah.
If we were at a steakhouse, it would be like, holy fuck, there's Crockett.

Speaker 1 She's a star. Who? Crockett.
Crockett. Yeah, her name is Jasmine Crockett.
I don't think I know who this is. She's a Congressman.
Dude, she's a

Speaker 1 star, dude. Jazz Crockett.
I mean, what a name. What's her real name? Jasmine Crockett.
That's a fucking name. Dude, Jazzy Crockett.
Dude, have you seen her? She could be a rap. She's so smart.

Speaker 1 But she has.

Speaker 1 I want to ride the line here, okay? Go ahead and do it. But she has an attitude.
What do you mean? Go ahead and say it. What are you trying to say? Sassy black woman.

Speaker 1 Is that what you're trying to say? Did I just say that? Well, you looked over there. I can't say that.
It looked like you said it.

Speaker 1 It looked like you said it. No, it's just she has.
Well, go ahead. What is that? She has it.
What is it, dog?

Speaker 1 What is it? She's on the fucking floor laying it down.

Speaker 1 Hey, her. Hey, okay.

Speaker 1 That's her. Is it like a Kia commercial? Hey, no, she's.
Ooh, this guy, Bluetooth. Look at that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Excuse me.

Speaker 1 I'm a huge jet. She's going to be the next president.
Okay.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Slow down. In 30 years, this woman? 30 years? She's 30.

Speaker 1 She's 40. First of all, we'll be dead.
In 20 years.

Speaker 1 This woman has a future, dude. She has Barack Obama.

Speaker 3 Can I say swagger?

Speaker 1 Why would you say Michelle? Can I say swagger? Why wouldn't you say Michelle Obama?

Speaker 1 Of the Obamas, why wouldn't you compare her to Michelle Obama?

Speaker 1 No, because still, I don't think Michelle has Barack's speaking, you know what I mean? Yes, she does. She's very talented.
But I think Jasmine Crockett is a star. Okay.
You heard it here first.

Speaker 1 Jasmine Crockett. When I watch her, I'm like, oh, my God, I wish she represented her.
She's a congressperson. She's so great, dude.
She's rising. She's a representative.

Speaker 1 What? District. What is she?

Speaker 1 Of Texas? She's a Democrat from Texas.

Speaker 1 No shit. She's so great.
Anyway, but I'm a huge, I love DCs. I can't wait to go.
Maybe we'll run into some people. I would like to.
Yeah, yeah. I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 We've got to go to the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument,

Speaker 1 and the Jefferson Jones out. Do you know the Jefferson Jones out? It's a big park where a bunch of crackheads are scratching their neck looking for rocks, the Jefferson Jones out.

Speaker 1 It's like a fun late night thing you can go do.

Speaker 1 He Googled Jefferson Jones. I did.
I did.

Speaker 1 We are staying only a couple blocks from the White House. Yeah.
Really? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 4 I've never seen it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's fucking stupid. It's so dumb.
When I was with Adam Ray at DC once, you know what I mean? I did a little monologue. It was pretty funny.

Speaker 1 If there was an Asian Martin Luther King, that'd be great. And he did a speech.
I had a dreaming

Speaker 1 that white people would do their own laundry.

Speaker 1 I did this whole fucking speech.

Speaker 1 What's the white Martin Luther King speech? Go, go ahead.

Speaker 1 I can't get to sleep

Speaker 1 because I'm worried about my 401k.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's only three people there?

Speaker 1 Hear me? Here, here, brother.

Speaker 1 We can't sleep too, brother.

Speaker 1 That's fine. But anyway, DC is, yeah, I'm not going to do it.
I did the monuments. I'm not doing it.
Now I know. I've done it before, too, but I got to take you to the White House.

Speaker 1 I got to take her to the White House. You've never been there? I've never been.
Oh, you're going to love it. It's clean.
We should make a phone call. Some area.

Speaker 1 We should make a phone call and see if we can get a private tour for her of the White House.

Speaker 4 Can you get Jetsuki in?

Speaker 1 Come on. Or that hot dog place that Barack used to go to and Bill Cosby.
Uh-oh, hot dog.

Speaker 1 How is that not the name of that place? I don't know. I mean, how do we not open up a bad friend's uh-oh, hot dog, hot dog joint?

Speaker 1 I'm from Chicago. Hot dogs is what we do.
Uh-oh, hot dogs. And you are the hot dog king.
Can we open up

Speaker 1 hot dog here?

Speaker 4 That's how you have.

Speaker 1 I'm not. Listen.
Please. John Crane.

Speaker 1 John Crane was an author? I don't know who that is. John Crane.
Go on. is a Groundlings guy.

Speaker 1 He became

Speaker 1 the high producers on Mad. He wrote Oh Hot Dog.
Oh, he got him in. That's him, John Crane.
Okay. Okay, what do we got to do? We got to call him.
I read him all saying we have to call him first.

Speaker 1 Do you think he's interested in the uh-oh hot dog business? I think he's probably doing a little bit better than that. But I remember him calling me over.

Speaker 1 Like, he wrote it, and he goes before the table read because he didn't know how I was going to do it. Yeah.
And he goes, you got to go, uh-oh, he did it. You got to go, uh-oh, hot dog.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like a white guy. And I'm like in a hallway going, okay, what? Like, oh, oh, hot dog.
You're like, no, not as much. You know what I mean? More Asian, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I remember working on it.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. Yeah, yeah.
Can you do it again right now? Uh-oh, hot dog. Perfect.

Speaker 4 So much money you're messing out on.

Speaker 1 Buddy, why don't we open up an uh-oh, hot dog? Here, right here in the valley.

Speaker 4 Your ketchup, your mustard. It's perfect.

Speaker 1 It literally is perfect. Why am I mustard? Uh,

Speaker 4 what? Yeah, because of the yellow thing. Your yellow beanie.

Speaker 1 You're calling Asians yellow? No, you're right behind you. No, I'm being real.
The yellow beanie is true. You know, but you're calling Asians yellow or what? Uh-oh, how do we get out of this?

Speaker 1 DoorDash! I think I would be a dead man without DoorDash because I get everything from them. I get my vitamins.
I get food. I get groceries.

Speaker 1 I get all kinds of stuff from DoorDash. They're reliable, quick.
They have a beautiful selection of things. Also, I like their app.
It's so user-friendly. That's my

Speaker 1 that's a big thing for me is I want to be able to use something seamlessly, simply, and it's laid out very easily. And they have literally anything that you need.
They can get it for you.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. Missing the syrup for your pancakes? Yeah, I was.
Right. Or you just ran out of your favorite coffee creamer? That happens.

Speaker 1 With DoorDash grocery delivery, Andrew, focus on me, dude. You can get what you want right when you need it.
That's what I need it is right now.

Speaker 1 When I need it, I want it, and I want it, and I get it, and I want it from DoorDash. And I'm telling you, we've both been using DoorDash.

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Speaker 1 Don't forget that's code BF Mart for 50% off your first order up to $20 when you try DoorDash. Dude, that's it.
We're opening up. Uh-oh.
Yeah, okay. David Dobrik's got a fucking pizza place.

Speaker 1 You think we can't fucking split

Speaker 1 some hot dogs? We have to call a guy like David Chang

Speaker 1 to make gourmet hot dogs. No, if I was, honestly, if I was going to do a real old hot dog restaurant, right?

Speaker 1 I'd have to figure out. I want, number one, I want it to be quality.
Oh, yeah. Like, where do we get the dogs? What do you mean they're 100%?

Speaker 1 We got 100% from China.

Speaker 1 You know, you're lucky that was funny. That was so funny.

Speaker 1 That is not okay. Yeah, that pause, though, was me laughing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I was hoping, but then I'm also offended.

Speaker 1 Guy. Guy, dude.
Every once in a while, very funny. Dude.
Uh-oh, hot dog. Yeah.
From China.

Speaker 1 I mean, dude, the timing.

Speaker 1 Let me see where you say, uh-oh, hot dog in Spanish. Spanish style.

Speaker 1 Oh, perito galiente.

Speaker 1 And that will be on the menu as well. Yeah, yeah.
If you want a Spanish-style hot dog, but I would call David Cheng and go, listen, can we reinvent the hot dog?

Speaker 1 I just want to, I don't want to just because I want people to go, oh, the food's good too. I got it.
I have something really great that I've always thought was amazing. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 My biggest pet peeve when I, because every time I go to a baseball game, I have a hot dog. You have to get a Dodger dog when you go to Dodger Stadium.
My wife and I, anybody I take, you have to.

Speaker 1 I don't like hot dog. I don't give a fuck.
You have to get one there. You have to take a bite, throw it away.
It's fine. I don't like you putting on all the condiments and they always fall over.

Speaker 1 And sometimes the condiments get ketchup or mustard on them. And they fall under.

Speaker 1 I want the hot dogs injected with the condiments. I want to make a condiment mixture and inject the hot dog with the fucking condiments.
Tell me this isn't an amazing idea. But I'll tell you.

Speaker 1 This is an amazing idea. I'll take you one step further.
Give it to me, baby. You put the bread in there, too.
Whoa, how do you even do that? That's crazy. Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 So you're just sucking on a glizzy. Just a big round chunk of conduct.
It's because the bread will absorb some of the glizzy. Oh, yes.
Yeah, I mean?

Speaker 1 How do we get it in there, though? Like,

Speaker 1 dude, leave it up to the fucking engineers.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you don't need to worry about it.

Speaker 1 We'll call the guys that made Jewel, the guys that made Jewel. They'll figure it out.
Right. So we inject it.
No, how about this?

Speaker 1 If they could get a pack of cigarettes into your hand like that, they can get bread inside of a hot dog. That's true, dude.

Speaker 1 So we put what? We put ketchup, mustard, relish. Well, there's different ones you can get.
Onions. Onions, relish.
Cheese. A standard one, right? Cheese.
The peppers. One is filled with cheese.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 We stick it inside the thing. Yes.

Speaker 1 I think the bun, if I think about it, it wouldn't work. Of course not.
I just thought about it. That's insane.
That's fucking insane. Yeah, I was just throwing out ideas.

Speaker 4 I have an idea. Cut the hot dog in half long ways.
Put the the bun inside.

Speaker 1 You're fired. What do you mean? You're fat.
I don't even know what you mean.

Speaker 4 Like,

Speaker 4 make the hot dog the bun.

Speaker 1 No. Oh, what you said was...
You're right, Jesus. No, no, no.
This is insane. Yeah, you're going.
Yeah, I know what you're doing. You're doing a McDonald's McGriddle

Speaker 1 kind of eye, right? Pancake. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No. So what you're saying is you make the hot dog.
But he has a point. The hot dog is usually oily and wet.
It's greasy, wet. And greasy, right?

Speaker 1 And the bun is the handle, so we have to figure out where the uh-oh comes from. That's right.

Speaker 1 And we have no napkins. No,

Speaker 1 no napkins. You could, if you want to buy a shirt, an uh-oh, hot dog shirt, you can use that.
It's all it's one big napkin. A shirt is made of, our merch shirts are made of napkins.

Speaker 4 You'll save so much money with no napkins.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but we'll charge them for the shirts. What if we make, you know, instead of make the bread a stick?

Speaker 1 Whoa. Time out.

Speaker 1 Time out.

Speaker 1 Put the hot dog on a stick?

Speaker 1 No. Time in.
Time in.

Speaker 1 Should we deep fry it? No. And make it a corn dog? No, no, no.
That's not what it is.

Speaker 1 That's not what I'm doing, guy. Uh-oh, business problems.
Uh-oh, guy. Listen to my fucking...

Speaker 1 Go ahead. I've tried to do it, right?

Speaker 1 What you're saying is it's not breaded like a corndog. It's not a stick, right? What I'm saying is I'm trying to get around, right? How do we reinvent the bun? Do we have a hot dog on a stick? Yes.

Speaker 1 What is this stick? A chopstick. We got to make this menu right now.
That's beautiful. We got to make this menu.
And it's wrapped in fucking that Asian chili zing sauce from

Speaker 1 Trader Joe's. You know what an Asian chili? What's a chili zing sauce? Asian zing.

Speaker 4 Got the green lid.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah, come on.

Speaker 1 Okay. So good.

Speaker 1 Can we also have a hot dog called the Carlos? Yeah. And all it is is, you know those hot dogs at like 7-Eleven that have been on the rotator for like 48 days? And they're gray and sideways and lumpy.

Speaker 1 Oh, and one. That's the Carlos.
One hair on top. One hair on top.
The Carlos.

Speaker 1 of the Carlos. Oh my god, the Carlos hot dog is just a glory hole.
It's a hot dog with a hole. Yeah, yeah, and you can fuck it.
Yeah, that's the Carlos. But let's reinvent the onion ring.

Speaker 1 What do you think? Reinvent the onion ring. Right, instead of onion.
It's just one whole onion we throw in a deep fryer. Dude, that's so good.

Speaker 1 And instead of like a

Speaker 1 caramel apple, but it's just an onion on a stick. Onion ball.
An onion ball on a stick.

Speaker 1 We do onion balls, dude.

Speaker 1 Right, we bread the whole thing. Deep-fried onion balls.
Right? In the middle, we got to put something. Ooh.
What is in the middle of it?

Speaker 1 The invisible paper for the fucking candies on it. Yes, the white rhino.

Speaker 1 Rabbit. The white rabbit.
Right. Something like that.
You know what would be really great with onion balls? What? If it's all a surprise? And sometimes it's not cool.

Speaker 1 Like one of them's a balut egg is in the middle of one or two of them.

Speaker 1 You don't know what you're going to get. Not cool onion balls.
Yeah, right. Not cool onion balls.
Like somebody will go, oh, great. I got a regular onion.

Speaker 1 Some guy goes, oh, my God, I got fucking juju bears. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Juju bees.

Speaker 1 Juju Bees.

Speaker 1 Juju Bear is my business manager.

Speaker 1 I love him.

Speaker 1 The man.

Speaker 1 No, wait. So some of them are bad, some of them are good.
You know how, like, you get Shoshido peppers and some of them are hot? That's the risk you take. I see.
This is our Shoshitos.

Speaker 4 You should have a golden ticket. Willy Wonka style.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes. A golden ticket.
Yeah. Uh-oh, golden ticket.

Speaker 1 And you get to use it to become a little bit. No, I think it's honestly, I'm not even kidding when I say that.

Speaker 2 This is such a good idea.

Speaker 1 It's such a good idea. The uh-oh, hot dog restaurant.
Yeah. And you know who's going to work there.
Who? These guys. McCone.
100%. McCone's the fucking, the fucking onion ball guy.

Speaker 1 I think he cleans out the grease pits. Okay.

Speaker 1 I think he dumps out the grease.

Speaker 1 I knew him. He'd be like, could I take some of the grease home? Yeah.
Yeah, dude. Take the grease home.

Speaker 1 Chili. Let's reinvent chili.

Speaker 1 Carol. How do we? I don't know anything about chili.
You don't know anything about chili? I know what you mean. I know I like it.
I like it too. I don't know how to make it.

Speaker 1 That's the way to call the people. You got to call David Chang.
Yeah, yeah. About chili.
What's in chili? Well, it's just beef chocolate. Let's guess.
Let's guess.

Speaker 1 I'm being real. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. So, is there bone marrow? There can be.

Speaker 4 Your chili probably has a bone marrow.

Speaker 1 You can put bone marrow in anything. So my chili, bone marrow.
Love it. Chopped up meat.
Okay. What kind of meat?

Speaker 1 The cow kind.

Speaker 1 The cow kind. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 4 If we had an in Toronto, that it was like, what was it, like

Speaker 4 $70 an ounce? That fucking Way you.

Speaker 1 Wagyu. Wagu.
What about

Speaker 1 cow-calf? What do they call that?

Speaker 4 Baby cow-calf.

Speaker 1 The calves of the cow calf. Veal? Veal.
Yeah, veal is so good. We do veal meat.

Speaker 1 Okay, chunk, chop, chop that out. Chunky chug, chunk.
Put the bone marrow, right? And then you put some sort of like base. Booyah base.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 What's the liquidy vibe of

Speaker 1 tomato? Tomato paste. You put tomato paste? Well, you put a stock in there, whether it's a beef stock or a chicken.
Sesame oil. I love sesame oil and everything.
Oh, that's just an add-in. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, put sesame oil in there. So the beef, the beef.
And beans, then they put beans in chili. Kidney beans.
Yeah, yeah. And you just mix it around, right? No? Elbow beans.

Speaker 1 What else?

Speaker 1 What kind of beans are there? Lime beans? Amoeba beans? Lime beans. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Some of Carlos's family members.

Speaker 1 Anyway, we'll do that. We're going to stick with hot dogs.
No chili then.

Speaker 4 You're thinking too big.

Speaker 1 And you know how when you walk into a convenience store and then

Speaker 1 what does ours do?

Speaker 1 Let me guess. Let me guess.

Speaker 1 And I'm offended by it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, every time you walk in, I want to hear that, dude.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, hot dog.

Speaker 1 Come on. Come on.
That is so fucking cool. Right, but it's not.
I have to be, it's got to be my voiceover. Yes, of course.
What do you mean? It's our fucking restaurant. So you walk in.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, hot dog.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 And then.

Speaker 1 And then Daddy Why You Die is playing on Loop. Right.
The whole place. And then we have to have, dude, we have to have

Speaker 1 a mascot.

Speaker 1 Your dad. Your dead dad is our mascot.

Speaker 1 You want a hot dog?

Speaker 1 And he walks around just the girls.

Speaker 1 Free hot dog for you.

Speaker 1 He's got to be a furry creature. No, or no.
No. A furry creature.
Make him purple.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. Furry.
Put fur on him, purple, my dad. All right, okay.
Oh, I'm poopo.

Speaker 1 Purple.

Speaker 1 That's his name, Popwa. Popo.
Popoa. And people think it's Pawpaw.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 purple. Purple.
Yeah, yeah. That's so good, dude.
I'm telling you, dude, this is a great idea. It's great.
Fancy, start to make up a business plan for this, please. Yeah, yeah, seriously.

Speaker 1 I would love to do something like that.

Speaker 1 No shit. You don't have a choice.

Speaker 1 Because this job is about to end for you soon, and you're going to be taking over the fucking winter. We're talking about it, dude.
You're a fucking lunatic. Fiend Dog.

Speaker 1 What's up, dude? Good to see you. Bobby, say hi.
Hi.

Speaker 1 So Asian, dude. Hello.
Get on the mic. Put on your headphones.
I'm intimidated by your looks, dude. Yeah.
Good looking kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good looking kid.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm like. Bobby's always.

Speaker 1 I'm really intimidated by your look. I've always have been.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's something about you, man. I just, I don't, I don't know what it is.
He's always trying to fight me. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, when you walked into the olive tree last time, I remember. You did try to fight him last time we were in.
On site, yeah, on site. You look like a 1940s bellhop.

Speaker 1 Where are our bags, by the way? Don't you? A 1940s bellhop at a hotel? Look at them, dude. But a good one.

Speaker 2 Yeah, maybe a. What's that way of talking that we did? A Paul Thomas Anderson hotel or something?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Was that the kind of talking? We did.

Speaker 1 Tron Hopstick. It was like white supremacy.
What was that? No, no, no. The Takis.
Translate Hobstick. The Takeis.
The Take.

Speaker 1 He looks like that. You're a Taki, dude.
And you go,

Speaker 1 put him up. Put him up.
Stick him up. Stick him up.
Stick him up, Nob. Duke him up.
Sorry, Duke him up Chang. Duke him up Chang.
Is Duke him up Chang related to the new exorcist?

Speaker 1 But anyway, you have that vibe. But you know what? I did attack you

Speaker 1 in New York.

Speaker 2 And in LA last time I was here.

Speaker 1 I did.

Speaker 1 That's true. Let me see if I want to apologize.
Here, here, here we are.

Speaker 1 He does not want to. It's fine.
I love you, though. Ladies and gentlemen,

Speaker 1 our pop-in guest,

Speaker 1 one of the homies,

Speaker 1 New York's finest comedian, Mike Feeney, is here

Speaker 1 looking as dapper as ever.

Speaker 1 If you're on audio only, he's got some of the best hair in the business. Some have quoted him as saying second or third to Mulaney.
I've heard you're right behind John. Yeah.
Hairwise.

Speaker 2 A lot less Coke.

Speaker 1 Yeah, less Coke. You don't have a Coke problem.
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But you do have a family now, just like he does. So

Speaker 1 it could happen soon, dude. I'm looking to do that.
Mike, you have kids, Mike? I have one, yeah. Oh, that's congratulations.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm sorry. That felt, there was a lot of resentment in that.

Speaker 1 I just learned the word, so I think I'm doing pretty good. Oh, gotcha, guys.

Speaker 1 When he learns words, he's got to use them often. Otherwise, they don't shoot.
Like a word a day, yeah. Work it in.

Speaker 1 Like, what is it called when you, what is it called when you're masturbating and you're choking yourself out at the same time?

Speaker 2 Asphyxiation. Autoerotic asphyxiation.
I see that today.

Speaker 1 He had a little bit of trouble with that, too. Yeah, say it fast.

Speaker 2 Autoerotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 1 He did it good and he didn't change shape in his face. Look at that.
Now, watch Bobby Charles. I bet you were also mouthing the words like a stage mom while I was saying it.

Speaker 1 I was sitting there saying,

Speaker 1 autoerotic asphyxiation. He has to change his face.
You see how he goes like this? He goes, autoerotic asphyxiation. Uh-huh.
See if you can do it like this. Autoerotic asphyxiation.
You just

Speaker 1 be honest. I didn't do anything.
Yeah, you did so with your eyes. Autoerotic erotic asphyxiation.
Blink again. Don't blink.
Blink? Oh, don't blink. Don't blink.
Don't make it creepy?

Speaker 1 No, just don't blink. Auto erotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 4 There you go. You look like someone who does it all the time.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 It feels like that's your move, dude.

Speaker 4 In a good way, in a good, like a punk rock, like.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like just rock and roll.

Speaker 2 Yeah, not in like a Chester Bennington kind of a way.

Speaker 1 As he comes, rock and roll.

Speaker 1 Do it, babe.

Speaker 4 I think I should go.

Speaker 1 No, say.

Speaker 1 Now you're in trouble. See, you cross the line, and you knew what you were getting into.

Speaker 4 This job is really hard.

Speaker 1 Autoerotic asphyxyl.

Speaker 4 It's like they want me to cross it, but when I do, they hate me.

Speaker 1 You fuck me up.

Speaker 1 Here we go.

Speaker 1 Autoerotic asphyxiation. Now you're broke.

Speaker 1 Dude, you're doing it worse now. All right.
For some reason.

Speaker 1 Autoerotic asphyxiation. Yeah, it's better.

Speaker 2 Better.

Speaker 1 You left out like five letters.

Speaker 2 An autoerotic asphyxiation.

Speaker 1 He doesn't know all the letters. Okay.
I don't know all the letters, dude. There's so many.
Okay, let's move on. Let's move on.
Anyway, Mike, good to see you, bud. What are you you doing out here?

Speaker 1 That was a fun. That was a fun.

Speaker 2 You turned that into a talk show.

Speaker 1 He's good at that, too. Mike,

Speaker 1 Mike, what are you doing out here?

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're really Byron Allen me. Well, I'm out here.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're comparing me to Byron Allen. I heard you don't like sunshine.
You like the sunshine?

Speaker 2 A very rich, successful man.

Speaker 1 He owns the weather, right? Doesn't he own the weather channel? Yeah, Byron does, yeah. Does he? He owns the weather channel.
Bought the weather channel. Look at this.
Byron Allen, look it up.

Speaker 1 He bought the weather channel a couple years ago, but I remember at Mitzi's funeral, everybody was talking about it. Wow.
Owns the weather channel.

Speaker 2 Dude, so every time there's a hurricane, he just fucking sits there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he's getting papered up, dude.

Speaker 1 Also, he fucked me, dude. What happened? He had sex with Bobby.
No, that was years ago. No.

Speaker 1 He has a show. I forgot what it's called.
The Byron Allen show? No, there's a show that he does.

Speaker 1 That's Jody Miller works on what's up. It's called

Speaker 1 Funny You Should Ask?

Speaker 1 Is that the game show? Yeah, as if. Yeah, yeah, that's it.
Funny You Should Ask, right?

Speaker 1 So I did it once. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I got it right. So I was there and Byron, you know, says, hello, this and that.
And he goes, that's your seat. I did it with like when Louis Anderson was still alive.
There you are.

Speaker 1 And the shirt says, old fart. That's a great shirt.
That's a great shirt. What happened to that shirt? I don't know.
But that's my shirt, right? Old fart, right? Can barely see you.

Speaker 1 And I was supposed to do like two more after that.

Speaker 1 And I found out right after I was leaving, somebody called me and goes, yeah, Byron's going to do your spots. Wait, what do you mean? Byron's doing your spots? He's going to sit on the chair.

Speaker 1 He wants to be on camera. On his own show? He hosts the show, right? No.
Some other guy hosted it at the time. Oh.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's fucked up. Fuck.
So I got bumped. I got bumped by the guy that owns it.
Rand owns it, right? So I'm going to say to Byron, dude, we have issues, dude. And I don't care you own the weather.

Speaker 1 Put a fucking tsunami at my house.

Speaker 1 Yeah, give me a hurricane. No, never.
Because you live close to me. Don't do that by me, please.

Speaker 1 You're in charge with the weather. I don't care, dude.
Well, you're Storm now. Yeah, he's a storm.
Storm from Mex-Men. Storm is black.
I know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So we have a fucking bone to pick, man. No, no, you've picked it right now.
That's what I meant. Bone is picked, my dog.
So anyway, don't even

Speaker 1 say his name. Oh, sorry.
I didn't. I love you, Mike.
What do you think? Mike. Mike.
Mike, Mike.

Speaker 1 Hi. Can I also say?

Speaker 1 What are you doing out of here, bud?

Speaker 2 Can I also say this is the largest amount of water I've ever been offered on a show before?

Speaker 1 Welcome to LA, dog.

Speaker 1 This ain't New York, buddy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'll be drinking this the next two weeks.

Speaker 1 This is crazy. Yeah, that's as big as your apartment in New York.
That's the fucking problem with New York is everything is smaller. Out here, bigger, bro.
You think this is Chrissy Chaos?

Speaker 1 Yeah, fuck that, dude. This is a real podcast.
Yeah, all right. I'll give you all the water.
Yeah. Feeney's got a new special out right now.

Speaker 1 We'd like people to go see it and watch it because he's a friend and he's wonderful. It's out available right now.
Tell them the title. You're going to love it.

Speaker 2 Mike Feeney and Night at the Comedy Cellar. It's on my YouTube channel, youtube.com.

Speaker 1 That's the title? Mike Feeney Comedy. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I kept it pretty, pretty.

Speaker 1 I didn't want any. Mike Feeney doing stand-up.
Spell it that.

Speaker 2 Well, it's the reason why it's called that. You know what I mean? There's a story.

Speaker 1 What is the story? Well, maybe I'll tell it. Dude, you know what?

Speaker 1 No, I got what it is. You know what the deal is, dude? What is the deal? Ever since I've known you, right? You're conflicted with me.
No, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
There is.

Speaker 1 What are you saying? Well,

Speaker 4 from my perspective, an outsider. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. And you're not really an outsider.

Speaker 4 Young comic, an apprentice.

Speaker 1 You're literally an insider of this show. Yeah, yeah.
So what is your so you're going to tell your boss something?

Speaker 4 You came in kind of hot.

Speaker 1 Ah, dude. This is pretty amazing.
Bobby is mad.

Speaker 4 But maybe there's something I don't know. There's a past.
You said.

Speaker 4 Exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah. You got to put it into context, dude.

Speaker 4 Yeah, so what happened?

Speaker 2 I think the first time we met was outside the comedy cell at the Village Underground. I said, what's up, dude? I'm Mike.
And then I think your first words were, you motherfucker.

Speaker 1 And you lunged at me.

Speaker 2 And I think that's been kind of our M.O. since I'm not, I'm not mad about it.

Speaker 1 Does that sound like something I would do? Yeah, would you? Oh, my God, yeah.

Speaker 1 Guys, vote here if we could have a fucking click. Is that something I would do? That's insane behavior.

Speaker 4 Were you like holding your eyes far apart or something?

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Sounds like he's forever.
He's not pulling my eyes. Oh, yeah.
He was.

Speaker 1 That's what you were doing. Mike, he doesn't sound like.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you went like that, and that's why he lungs, dude.

Speaker 1 That makes more sense.

Speaker 4 Stop Asian hate, Mike.

Speaker 1 You didn't see me doing that. All right.
Mike Feeney walks up to you and goes, Welcome to Virginia Ground. No.
That's what he did. No, you know what he did? He did the reverse.
He made his eyes wider.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 Just to prove his comments. Yeah.
Just to prove his comfort. Yeah, I'm white.
Yeah, yeah, Mike. What the fuck, dude?

Speaker 2 Looking up and down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, the peripheral.
So anyway, so we've had conflict, but let's resolve it now, dude. Wash the beef.
I literally have no beef with you, dude.

Speaker 2 It's great. I don't want to have beef with you, man.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I have beef with somebody else.

Speaker 2 Byron Allen.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, and, you know, but

Speaker 1 you're in some shit. You're in some shit, dude.

Speaker 1 I'm glad you stayed. Would you fight Byron Allen? Like, let's say he, like, heard about this and he wants to square up with you.
Would you fight him for real?

Speaker 1 Like, in a physical, like, boxing? Yeah, like, let's say Byron Allen hears this, takes it serious, and wants to square up with you. He's fucking big.
He's six foot three.

Speaker 1 There's no way, dude. He's going to fuck you up.
What the fuck? Why are you talking shit on our show? He's going to fuck you up. I'm never going to see him again.
I doubt it, dude.

Speaker 1 He owns the weather.

Speaker 1 The fog every time he's around? Yeah, dude.

Speaker 1 What a cool superpower. I heard Byron is here.
I can't see him. Imagine a group of kids, a bunch of kids sitting around elementary school.
I want to be a firefighter. I want to be a spaceman.

Speaker 1 I want to own the weather.

Speaker 1 Byron. You can't own the weather.
That's not the original.

Speaker 1 He bought the weather. So,

Speaker 1 Mike Feeney

Speaker 1 live at the comedy cellar.

Speaker 2 A night at the comedy cellar.

Speaker 1 Oh, I got it wrong. Yeah, it's all right.

Speaker 2 See what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 See,

Speaker 1 start tone. Yeah, you are throwing, you're throwing these weird verbal darts at him.

Speaker 1 Let's start over. Try it again.
Let's do it again. Go ahead.
Introduce his special. So, Mike Feeney, a night at the the comedy cellar.
Yes, correct.

Speaker 1 I assume it's taped at the comedy cellar. It's taped at the comedy.
You're doing really cool with your eyes. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Cross-eyed. You know, and you're doing it live.
It's a night. It's at night.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And it's you, Mike Feeney.
It is. So, Mike Feeney, night at the Comedy Center.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it's also, there's four rooms of the comedy cellar.

Speaker 1 No, don't, don't talk. See, that's what.

Speaker 2 As you know, I said. Okay, go ahead.

Speaker 1 He did say, as you know.

Speaker 1 I know, I know, I know.

Speaker 2 And it's me doing all four rooms in one night.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's a cool idea.

Speaker 2 And then I directed it and I edited it because I pitched it to production companies and they said it couldn't be done and it would cost over a year.

Speaker 1 Kind of what didn't Fihim Anwar do that? Exactly.

Speaker 1 He did all three rooms at the comedy station.

Speaker 2 He did three. This is four, so it's more.

Speaker 1 I like that. That's smart.
Yeah. I got to one-up.
Want to one-up our buddy, dude. Wanted to one-up our buddy.
Yeah, yeah. It's great.
Original.

Speaker 1 It's great. You're thinking, you know? Yeah, the box.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Tell him about your special. Nothing.
Okay. So anyway, let's go back.
Be nice. Be nice.
Oh, you don't think I can do one? No, you can't. I could do it.
I could do it. You know what? I bet you can't.

Speaker 1 You know what? I'll do

Speaker 1 how about this. There we go.
You know what?

Speaker 1 I'll do mine every room at the Comedy Store and at the Laugh Factory and at the Inbrook and at the Ice House. So I

Speaker 1 wound up the Mike. Really?

Speaker 1 Like, I could do that. You're leaving out so much flappers.
You're not going to do flappers? Yeah, flappers and all that stuff. What about the Comedy Castle or whatever? yeah

Speaker 1 what about the flappers i'm sorry i'm sure it's great where can they see what could mike good to be here

Speaker 1 what a pleasure thanks for visiting us here in la

Speaker 1 um where can they see your um special they can see it on my youtube channel youtube slash mikephineycom we'll put the link in the description for people that want to watch it yeah yeah mike and um let me say the reason why we have this is because i respect you is that what it is

Speaker 1 100 dude okay the pause gave me pause because you know um hold on i think think you're more of a Ronnie Chang fan.

Speaker 2 You think I like Ronnie Chang more than you, you're saying?

Speaker 1 A little bit.

Speaker 2 I know Ronnie Chang more than you, but maybe that's just a, maybe that's just an issue we can work through.

Speaker 1 Well, he's trying to say, do you like Chinese people or Korean people better? Is what he's trying to get to the root of?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 2 I have a history, though, with

Speaker 2 I have a there was a kid in my high school.

Speaker 1 You have a history, what, with Chinese people?

Speaker 1 We all do, buddy.

Speaker 1 Runs pretty deep.

Speaker 2 There was a kid that we grew up with in my neighborhood. He moved there in high school, and we called him Mexican Tony, but he was incredibly Chinese.

Speaker 1 That's amazing. That's really funny.

Speaker 1 But he was from

Speaker 1 Mexican Tony. Mexican is so funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 he was from China. He was like a transfer kid, and his family was so rich.

Speaker 2 They had the biggest house in our neighborhood, and he went to our high school, and he wanted to ingratiate his friends into the, you know, people, make friends.

Speaker 2 So he had all the people over for a house party in 11th grade, and we all went to his house, Long Island, you know, scumbags. We all got very drunk.
There was probably 50 people there.

Speaker 2 Got way out of control. People like destroyed his house, like punched holes in the walls.
People were fighting and brawling. I lost my virginity on his sister's bed after seven Mike's hard lemonades.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 ever since then, I felt bad about that. So I feel like I owe the Chinese people

Speaker 1 a little bit of gratitude.

Speaker 2 He opened his home to me and we really.

Speaker 1 Where's Mexican 20 now?

Speaker 2 Honestly, I know he got in a ton of trouble for that. His house was pristine, beautiful, impeccably.
He just, he thought he would just have a few friends over, and then everyone texted him.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you a question. He's in Trump's cabinet.
I heard he was working with Trump. He's probably doing.
And Mexican Tony.

Speaker 1 We all love Mexican Tony.

Speaker 1 That really Mexican Tony.

Speaker 1 When his parents came back,

Speaker 1 I mean, what do you think they would say to him? Accent, please.

Speaker 1 So here you are. Here you are.
Set the scene. I'm Mexican Tony.
Yo, mom, dad, what's up? Sorry. Mom, dad?

Speaker 2 I am very disappointed in you, Mexican Tony.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, dude, no.

Speaker 1 No, dude. Let's do it again.

Speaker 2 Well, they were proper speaking, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Also, you're saying that Mexican Tony's parents were born in America? No, no. So they had accents, right? Are you an actor, Mike?

Speaker 1 Are you an actor, Mike? Sure. This is the role.
Okay. Right? Oh, mom, dad, sorry.
We had a party last night. My bad.

Speaker 2 I am very disappointed.

Speaker 1 Very good. Very good.
Very good. Very good.
Would you ever come out of here?

Speaker 2 I was going to move out here in 2019. I was having so much fun.
Remember, 2019 at the comedy store was

Speaker 1 just.

Speaker 1 I came out here.

Speaker 2 It was the first time I came out to LA and I was like, oh, fuck, this might be better than New York now. Like, it's like, it's like at that level.

Speaker 1 Every comic, you guys are all driving like Ferraris and BMWs. I was like, what's happening?

Speaker 2 I was like, how is everybody doing? And then I was like, you know what?

Speaker 2 I did New Year's Eve at the comedy store, and it was amazing. And I was like, I'm going to move out here in this year, in 2020.
And then, you know, it all ended.

Speaker 1 And you knew who did that? Yeah. Byron Allen.

Speaker 1 Oh, he brought it with the weather. He brought it with the weather.
Yeah, that was weird. Oh, shit.
Chinese fog rolled in.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. He's unstoppable.
He really is, dude. Yeah.
Hit TV shows, controls the weather.

Speaker 1 I think the combination of COVID and then Rogan and everyone moving out of LA kind of fucked up the scene a little bit. I have to admit that, I think.
But I think we're the scene now. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I don't like, do you like being the scene? Do you like being top dog? I'm having so much fun.

Speaker 1 I'm having fun, but I don't sometimes like I look at the lineup and I'll go, oh, I'm the guy on the lineup. I don't like that.
I like seeing. But you were always one of the guys in the lineup.

Speaker 1 To be one of many, but to be the only one sometimes, you know, sometimes you look at the lineup and go, oh, shit, I'm the only guy.

Speaker 1 Well, I think what a lot of times happens with us, that also happens in New York, that I see, and Hit can attest to this, comedy seller lineups, Everyone's on fucking tour all the time.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think more comics now are on tour than I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 2 Every single comic is, and also, every single comic seems to be in Australia and New Zealand.

Speaker 1 We just got an offer to go down there.

Speaker 2 It feels like Australia and New Zealand have every comedian in America.

Speaker 1 Well, tell him where you're staying right now. You care to talk about it or no? Yeah, I'm staying at Tim's, Tim's mega mansion over in the Hollywood Hill.

Speaker 1 You're like five minutes from me, like three minutes from me. Yeah, let's hang out, dude.

Speaker 1 We leave tomorrow for

Speaker 1 you.

Speaker 1 But you weren't leaving. How long have you been in? Wait a minute.
How How long are you in town for?

Speaker 2 I'm only in town till Sunday, then I go to Austin.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oops.

Speaker 1 Time. Yeah, yeah.
Just

Speaker 1 next time, Doc, from Austin.

Speaker 1 Do you have any words of wisdom

Speaker 1 for Feeney for Austin?

Speaker 1 Give him one of the inside dips.

Speaker 4 Yeah, get like a whole carton of cigarettes.

Speaker 1 You're going to be smoking them. Okay.
I mean, have you been there yet? Yeah. Okay.
Austin? Yeah.

Speaker 2 I haven't been to the mothership, though, since it's open, though.

Speaker 1 So that'll be my first time. Are you going to to play there?

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm doing

Speaker 2 Kill Tony when I'm out there.

Speaker 1 That's great. Yeah.
We're opening up. Bob and I are opening up a club down there, The Fathership.
And I don't know if he's going to be mad about it, but we're doing it. We don't be doing it.

Speaker 1 And we have also a hot dog stand where a restaurant work. We are opening up a hot dog stand for real.
It's called Uh-oh, Hot Dog.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. What's why is it uh-oh?

Speaker 1 Go ahead and show him. Uh-oh, hot dog.
It's a great character he did.

Speaker 1 It's a great character he did on Mad TV.

Speaker 1 Bring up Uhoh Hot Dog real fast.

Speaker 1 Uh-oh, the hot dog.

Speaker 1 I mean, two camera, no less. Just a full right at the camera.

Speaker 1 So we're opening up a hot dog joint. I mean, that's for that.

Speaker 2 That's how that's how that sketch ends, by the way. It just ends up.

Speaker 1 All the sketches end with all the hot dogs. And then you just.
That's fun. Yeah, yeah.
It was Mad TV at the time. And we can move on.

Speaker 1 I don't need to do this because he's going to not want to talk about it. But honestly,

Speaker 1 the reason that I think it was so successful up against SNL was that the sketches were way more like whackadoo.

Speaker 2 Insane.

Speaker 1 I think SNL tried and still does have kind of a cohesive like front, middle end, right? Like it always has like a bow on it, like a very traditional, well-written sketches. Sure.

Speaker 1 But I like that that show was fucking weird. It was like shooting at the sky sometimes, and it didn't matter if it didn't really miss Swan and it was so

Speaker 1 fucking weird.

Speaker 1 What was the one that,

Speaker 2 what was the one that

Speaker 1 Michael McDonald? Yeah, Michael. Michael McDonald.
Stewart, Stewart. Stewart.
I mean, not all of that shit was weird. Look what I can do.

Speaker 2 The amount of times that people, yeah, my friends, I used to just do that, like, look what I can do.

Speaker 1 And then you jump and just do the dumbest thing. It was wonderful.
We're having dinner with Michael, by the way. I know we are.
I know we are.

Speaker 1 But here's the one thing I want to say is when I auditioned, there was like, they didn't want me.

Speaker 1 They were like, we want a white guy. So they wanted to kill me.
Wow, the times have changed. They wanted Taryn Killum.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, at the end, it was down to me and Terren Killam.

Speaker 1 And they basically said, we got to give this kid a shot. I mean, I know he's Korean.
They've never had, I mean, they've never had anyone like that.

Speaker 1 None of the sketch shows really had had someone like me. And then you both got it.
And me and Taryn both got it. And so, you know, my hats off to them for hiring me.
Hats off to them for hiring.

Speaker 1 We actually met some of the Mad TV people in Boston. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Some of the old executives came to the writers and stuff like that.

Speaker 1 It was great. It was great.
Wow. Anyway, we had a good time.
Mike. Michael.
Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me.
We'll check out his special. Please go watch his special right now on YouTube.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Mike Feeney will link it. The boys will link it in the description.

Speaker 1 Also, I'm going to get your number after this so that the next time you're in town, no more fighting. I can book you on Tiger Valley.
Yeah, I would love to do that.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I'm going to get your number after this thing. Wow.
And let's cause peace. I love that.
Yeah, there's too much turmoil in the world. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's settle this conflict right here. What was the wink, though?

Speaker 1 Yeah, see. Yeah, that's the thing.

Speaker 2 That wink undid everything you just said.

Speaker 1 Cahoots. Yeah.
The wink was,

Speaker 1 first of all,

Speaker 1 what was that? It's a miracle that an Asian guy can wink. Yeah.
It is pretty surprising. Yeah.
Because it's.

Speaker 1 It's very subtle. Well, they're so close together.

Speaker 1 and that's right and the words wink and blink are also too close together

Speaker 1 i don't know

Speaker 1 how do we know what you're really doing

Speaker 1 yeah so no that wink was pleasant okay it's a pleasant wink and i want to say uh-huh let's do that thanks for coming by here thanks for having me and thank you for being a bad friend