Uh Oh, Hot Dogs!

Hey! Bad friends! We go on tour and I'm going to say something. It's a delight live.
It is the delight live. And it's for you.
It's for you, but it's us, but it's for you. People have changed their lives because of our tour.
They come, they get a spiritual experience. They do.
They get more zen, more ohm. They get more zen.
More ohm. And we have four dates left here at the end of this tour.
Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Madison to end this year.
Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Madison. Then in 2024, we're jumping around.
We're playing some casinos and big rooms. We're doing Atlantic City, Salt Lake City, Temecula, Reno, Sacramento, Long Beach, Windsor, Ontario, Canada, Niagara Falls, Ontario, Canada, Tucson, and Vegas.
We end in Vegas. Go to badfriendspod.com.
The pre-sale code is badfriends if there's still pre-sale on them. Go to badfriendspod.com.
Badfriendspod.com. Hey, Bad Friends, we got our Patreon.
We've told you about it. Nothing changes.
Everyone thinks, what could change, Santino? You get your episodes a little earlier. You get them on Friday instead of Monday.
Right. Ad free.
Ad free. Right.
And then extra bonus content. Bonus content.
Hot dog stuff? Oh hot dog. Oh hot dog stuff.
There's all sorts of bonus content on there. If you want to join the Patreon, jump on board with us.
There's more stuff that we're adding, more tour videos, more exclusive stuff just for you guys. If you don't want to join, thank you for still watching and enjoying the show as it is go to patreon.com slash bad friends that's patreon.com slash bad friends you two are bad friends who are these two idiots a white dude and an Asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends bro bro you're so Bora Bora.
Bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro, bro. Ain't Bora Bora those Jamaicans? Bro, bro, welcome to Bora Bora.
Is it near Jamaica? It's right near the beach in Jamaica. Is it really? It's literally nowhere near Jamaica.
Couldn't be further from Jamaica. But what is that? Are those guns? That's what they say when you sit down for dinner.
Bro, bro, bro,, shrimp. You've never, by the way, French Polynesia.
Unbelievable. Had a great time.
Did my heart glow a little bit when you wrote happy birthday I love you so much on my post of my butt? It made me glow. Did you write anything? I flagged it.
You did flag it. I did flag it.
I don't want to see that. Independent independent post main feed that is sick that is sick and by the way not only do I know you flagged it other people must have flagged it because Instagram sent me a this is a violation of our community rules I didn't flag it no but enough people did but it's like I showed nothing in that photo yeah Instagram was like you should be getting paid for pictures hell yeah dude pay me Are these fans doing it or people who hate us? I think it's both.
Hey, fans, don't do it. Don't flag us.
Don't flag. Let us show our butt.
Please. By the way, there's girls on Instagram showing way worse than what I'm showing.
I've seen fallopian tubes on Instagram. Miss Pat saw my butt, or lack thereof in her opinion, and she goes, you look like your back go all the way down to your feet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So good.
Yeah, I had a great time. Bora Bora, French Polynesia.
Lovely time. And at the airport.
Recognized. A guy goes, a guy goes.
Buh-duh, buh-duh. Are you? Buh-duh, buh-duh.
Are you? Are you? Are you? No, really? I am. He literally goes, he goes, but this is the wildest shit about French Polynesia.
They look, they're, you know, they're Islanders. They look like Samoans and Tongans.
Are they black? Compared to us, yeah. But would you consider them black? No.
If you saw them in LA, would you like hold your wallet? Well, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, you would? Yeah. Then they're black.
Yeah, yeah. No, they look like islanders.
They're French. Honestly, they look like natives.
Like Hawaiians. Same kind of thing.
Pacific Islanders. Oh, Moana.
Moana. Moana Kai.
But the wildest shit. And you know as someone that goes to Hawaii a lot.
In Hawaii, they've got that language, bro in French Polynesia because it's fucking French yeah yeah they all speak French and they have French so you see a big like a big Polynesian looking cat yeah and he's like yeah how are you monsieur are you good no I swear it's the funniest shit can I ask you something yeah please what are the girls like yeah what do they look like let me. For Carlos.
Carlos wants to know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at his dick. Hard.
The women there are the exact same size as the men. It was wild.
Burrah, burrah. Burrah, burrah.
The women can beat the shit out of you. Wow.
And make you a good meal. There was not a lot of little women.

The legs are like tree trunks.

We didn't even take a boat to the island.

Small pussies though.

A woman just picked us up and walked us through the water.

It was pretty incredible.

We had a great time.

But is there a strip club and stuff?

Yeah, there was.

In Bora Bora?

No, I don't fucking.

What the fuck?

Oh, the beach.

You're in the white beach.

Yeah, I was at the white people beach. I was at the all white people beach.
Can I ask another question? Is there food? I mean, there's food, but is it good food? A lot of fish. Ate a lot of fresh tuna right out of the ocean.
Oh, that's great. Caught that morning.
Sliced it up. Put it in my throat.
What do you got to say? You're smiling, you little mischief. No, I was just laughing about the Bora Bora strip club.
Bora Bora. Yeah, there is one.
There is one. And they actually they strip on trees.
They use trees as the pole. And there's only one woman because she takes up the whole space.
Bora and her sister Bora. Bora Bora.
More Bora. It was amazing.
They all speak French. It's the weirdest fucking thing.
Wow. And they say Maruru.
That means is it worth it oh yeah dude let's hope so yeah because I might want to bring a lady over there it was 100% the best time I think I've had in I'll show you a photo of what the hut looked like oh my god so you get like a hut over the water and since the woman knew it was my my birthday, she goes, she was a sweet little French girl. Yeah.
And she says, she goes, your room is ready. Something maybe a little special for you.
What is it? And I said, what? Look, she put us at the very end of the pier. No way.
That was where you stayed. Yeah, that was me.
That's where you stayed? Yeah. That's like a fucking, you know, that's avatar shit.
Yeah. Dude, it felt, it honestly.
Was that Pandora? What the fuck is going on around here, man? We stayed at the very end of the. And can you walk out the door and just jump in the water? Yeah.
Did you do that? I did it every fucking, every day. Every day.
Here, there's some other pictures I send you right there, Carlos. So you wake up in the morning, you jump off the back of your dock into the fucking water.
It's insane. Oh, my God.
Incredible. Yeah, so that's the...
Right there is like when you walk up to the huts, they're all like over the water. And we're...
Look, you're still very private, but she put us at the very last hut because she wanted us to have full privacy out to the ocean. Bro, if Carlos went, you know what would happen? The dolphins would press charges.
100%. It'd be like in court.
Oil! Dude, don't ever go there, dude. I love dolphins.
Don't ever go there, dude. Zoom in on that.
So there's a picture of the reef in the lagoon. You can literally swim in any of the lagoons.
You took this picture? Yeah. Oh, my.
That doesn't look pretty. It does to me.
Yeah, that looks like whale shit. That is whale shit.
Oh, it is? All right, that doesn't look good. Give me color.
It's so gray and dismal. No, that's all.
That's what it is? Go to the next photo. You took that photo? Yeah.
Okay. And then this.
Let me look at this one. I mean, that's.
Oh, that's. That's the main beach.
So if you want to go, so zoom in, you can see the huts on the water. But if you just want to go to the main beach.
Oh, is that a shark? Yeah. That's just a black eye.
Oh, that's a black eye. All right.
No, no. If you want, that's the main beach.
That's beautiful. And people were there hanging out every day.
But I prefer to swim off the back of the dock. Like go to the next photo.
You could see in the morning, I would wake up and just do that. That's right off the bat.
Wow. Are there sharks? Yeah, there was one in the water.
I swear to God. Like tiger shark? You guys can ask.
My lady, she was like, a shark. And I go, shut up.
And she goes, shark, shark, right there. But what kind? I think it's called, I think it was called.
So you're back. How's energy right now very peaceful i feel good i it's a long flight it was a very long flight how long how long i think it's nine or something like that nine hours from tahiti and then you have to fly from tahiti to bora bora and how's that how long is that another hour and some change or something like that so you're like um a 10 hour 11 hour experience yeah yeah with layover and all that stuff yeah yeah first class that's nice no not first class you did coach wait wait are you making fun of me i'm not making fun of you i think you're fucking lying no you did coach oh yeah from la yeah the tahiti tahiti back of the plane really how did i do that how did i survive did you do it? I stayed in the bathroom for about three or four hours.
I just stood in the bathroom. Yeah.
Okay. So you did that.
Yeah. Okay.
That was fine. It worked for me.
There's no way you did it. Yes, I did.
I'll show you my ticket. 23A and 23B.
You swear to God on my mother's life. No, that's crazy.
Well, then if you were telling the truth, you would. No, I don't want to swear on anybody's life.
That's dangerous. No.
Am I right, Fancy? If she dies tomorrow, then it's my fault for some reason. Did you just say, yes, I flew first class? I did not.
You lied! I did not. Okay.
I will say the little plane you take to Tahiti from Bora Bora. Yeah, yeah.
A scary. It's one of those where the guys out there like, and he spins the fucking.
Oh, it's a Buddy Holly killing. Oh, yeah.
I don't like Buddy Holly. The whole time.
And the Pilots on there. The Buddy Holly killing ones, man? Oh, my God.
Pilots on there singing. Ooh, wee, ooh.
I don't just have Buddy Holly. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Dude, but that plane wiped out Legends. Yeah.
The Big Bopper. Dude.
Yeah. That's the same plane that.
The Mexican guy who thinks he's white otis redding crashed the mexican guy who thinks his wife richie valence richie valence yeah yeah yeah the two propelled the two propellers the wobbly bobbly the wobbly i don't like the wobbly bobblies no meanwhile there's a woman next to me a french woman in the you know because most a lot of these people french citizens must get some sort of deal from the government because it's mostly french people yeah and this french woman is next to me across the aisle the whole flight and nobody is going fuck no one's looking everyone's like this that's how they laugh oh that's french laugh yeah i thought she was singing a French song on a microphone She was her character Karaoke It was ridiculous Let me What's the most tragic way a celebrity has died though? I got it Yeah Can I tell you? Sunny you do. Can I tell you? Yeah.
Sonny. Sonny, from Sonny and Cher.
Sonny Bono? Yeah. Wasn't that a car? He hit a tree, right? That's terrible.
He hit a tree on skis. Wasn't he skiing? He was skiing and he hit a tree.
I knew he hit a tree. I assumed it was by car.
I didn't know. Did the tree come out of nowhere? Yeah.
Yeah. You know how those trees do.
Yeah. Injuries occurred when he hit a tree while skiing at Heavenly.
Oh, I've been to Heavenly. It's a great mountain.
He went right after he went. So he directly hit a tree.
That's the tree. That's the tree.
There it is. Wow.
They didn't clean up those cenas? Yeah, it did. Yeah, chop that tree down.
Cut it down. That tree murders a legend and you're going to keep it up? That's wild.
Wait, the lawyers for the trees he's got some good ones that's cochran cochran did that and i think the tree won well yeah if the tree doesn't leave you must leave it alone i wasn't about to do that jesus that was good that was good that was good but um wow that's unbelievable it's still there and heavenly there. We could visit it.
I would not. Yeah, no.
How would you get there? What if you were going to visit it skiing down the hill and you hit another tree trying to go see that tree? No thanks. All right.
Actually, you know what the worst? I'll tell you one that's bad. Give me a celebrity one.
I'll give you one that's bad. It's a...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep doing it.
I think yeah keep doing it i think i got it yeah you got it bubbly it's bubbly um oh shit it's um it's a line dineons sell a lot of you don't know her so dude i know selling on dillians she would work there because sculptures she's very good at a good sculptor huh so you don't know her works i'll tell you i'll tell you one that's bad what sam cook how did sam cook die sam cook this is a terrible story yeah unbelievable sam cook had a bunch of money in his pocket was going to a was at a nightclub on the west side here in los angeles right had a bunch of cash out got fucking wasted a shit a woman who was a lady of the night saw this uh a gold digger if you will approached him to go back to a hotel with her he goes back to a dingy hotel uh her side of the story is tried to sexually assault her and so she self-defended herself shot and killed him the truth came out years later years later which is so sad she called the girl from the front desk to set him up to rob him he caught them in the act of being robbed while he was passed out drunk chased after them shot him in the chest and killed him and his final words were lady you shot me like one of the greatest singers of all time his last words if he would have lived that song would have been lady you shot me shot me in the belly that would have been number one lady you shot me shot me in the belly look at that such a good singer well there's self-inflicted ways, too Like, you know, the two Let me ask you something, a question, okay? Okay Give me the two people, celebrities Who died for audio fixation Auto, not audio That's when you're jerking off with headphones on What? Auto-erotic asphyxiation Say it with me Audio fixation This is like Audio-fixiation. This is like Sesame Street for adults.
All right. Sorry.
We're going to learn a term today. All right.
All right. All right.
Hey, boys and girls, say it with me. Audio-erotic.
Auto- No. Auto- Auto- Like a car.
Automatic. Auto.
Auto- Erotic. Auto-erotic.
Asphyxiation. I got it right now.
Let's do it. Auto-erotic asphyx- Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Close. Let's do it again.
Auto-erotic asphyxiation. It sounds like you're there.
I think that's right. I think I'm dead on, dude.
Do it again. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Can you say it without moving a part of your body? Oh, fuck. That's going to be hard.
Yeah, try it. Without moving your face.
Make no movement. Watch me do it once, then you stop.
I'm a robot. Can I be a robot in the future? No, you have to be Bobby Lee.
No, I gotta be a robot! No, because a robot

It's exactly what a robot would say.

Auto-erotic asphyxiation.

You're doing it there. You're still doing it.
The robot still did it.

What? You went like this. Auto-erotic

asphyxiation.

Alright, ready?

What would you like to know?

Robot, how did

Auto-erotic

asphyxiation.

Can you say it faster? I couldn't hear what you said. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Sorry? Auto-erotic asphyxiation. One more time.
Auto-erotic asphyxiation. Wait, now do it where you're just moving your feet like the Irish dancing.
Auto-erotic asphyxiation. Fuck you! I'm not doing this anymore.
Give me the two celebrities that died that way. Gosh, I don't...
Wait, give me a hint. I really don't even know.
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do.
Give me one hint. Okay, one of them was an actor.
Okay, that narrows it. And the other one was a singer.
This actor was also in, he played Bill in Kill Bill. Oh.
Okay. I don't know his name.
David Carradine. Yeah, I would have never guessed that.
Okay, so David Carradineine did that They actually named it the Carradine When you drink It's called Carradining yourself Yeah yeah And then Michael Mike Hutchinson What's his name Michael Hutchinson Never would have guessed it What's his name Come on From NXX NXS NXS The band Michael Hutchins You don't Michael Hutchins. Yeah, Hutchins.
Hutchins. Hutchins.
Yeah, yeah. Suicide while depressed on the influence of alcohol and drugs.
They didn't want to give you the rest? They just said he overdosed? No. He did that.
Have you heard of InXS? No, I don't think so. You know some of their songs.
That's one of those bands that I don't think you might, you might not recognize the name of the band, but you know the song. It's so funny because they were so huge when we were alive.
In the late 80s. In the late 80s that it's like, for me, when people don't know, it just boggles my mind.
But that's, I guess, that's what happens when you're old. Wise, wise.
It's very wise. No, it's old and wise.
But the shit though, it's like your music, I know about your music. I listen to Billie Eilish.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Getting tailored.
That's not her music.

I'm just saying like modern music, but I also go in the past.

I don't know why young people don't know anything about the past.

I don't know if that's true.

I think young people do.

I just think there's too much to know.

There's so much.

I'm so bad with references, which is terrible as a comedian.

Well, think about like this.

There used to be less to know.

It'd be like, what bands do you guys like?

The Beatles. They're like, who else? They're like, that's the band.
No, I would argue against that. In the era of the Beatles, their competition was almost nil.
How many other fucking bands were around? Beach Boys. The Rolling Stones.
The Monkees. Yeah, but that's it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Grateful Dead.
Totally different category of music. No, but I know what I'm saying.
They knew each other. The competition wasn't that rich in terms of great bands.
Velvet Underground. That Velvet Underground wasn't Beatles.
That was in the time of the Beatles. Yeah, they were the same time.
In the New York, of course they were. They knew each other.
No, they were at the end of the Beatles. Okay, anyway.
The point is, now there's so much music. There's so much music.
But still, you and I, I had to argue with you, because I need to get back from boroborah but my point is is that the argument is it is still like when modern music i still i'll i'll go by a taylor swift album no you won't yeah 19 1979 whatever that album you complain about 89 1989 man that was a good album and the reason why i know know I listened to that album is because Ryan Adams covered that album from beginning to end. So I wanted to listen to Taylor Swift to see the difference between the two.
But I'm very curious still. My point is, why isn't your generation curious? I know why.
Because Google, we don't have to remember anything anymore. Oh, did I? Yeah, you don't have to either.
Fuck you. Why would I, dude? Yeah.
I don't know. So you don't sound like an idiot? Whatever.
Whatever, dude. Let me hit my vape pen.
All right. Oh, my God.
I'm in the fucking vape documentary. Whoa.
Oh, my God. You know where this is? I didn't approve this.
You look like Charles Bantz. I was Charlie.
Dude, that is you so this is what's crazy i'm i got sent this by a thousand people this vape documentary yeah um the rise and fall of jewel which is actually great as carlos smacks a jewel go ahead and smack yours too they're gonna think it's about jewels about rudy it's about rudy jewels yeah i got sent it so this is what's really fucked up i didn't approve this this footage. Obviously not.
No one's asked me. I mean, it's one frame.
But I say, I take a hit off of that and I go, this is really good. No.
Yeah, but here's the deal. This is, so Jule is a company called Plume.
They own this thing called the PAX, the P-A-X. I remember the PAX, yeah.
So the PAX was initially made as an alternative because the Jule wasn't really like ready yet. Yeah.
So they made this and it got really used for weed. And what happened was this is back in 2013 maybe.
Yeah. Because I have my mixology.
I was long beard, long hair. But dude, they would hand these out at shows.
They would give you weed and a PAX, right? Yeah. For free.
So a company member from PAX pulled me in a room. I don't remember this being on camera.
Yeah. But we were smoking weed.
And they said, hey, these are like $300, but we'll give you one. Just make an ad or something.
If you just say what's up for our website. Right.
2013. I'm like, oh, okay.
So I took a hit and I was like, this is actually red. And it was.
I really loved it because you could pack a little bit of weed and vape it in your car and move on. And now it's used in this fucking thing.
And I never said I want. Does it say your name in the.
No, no, no, no, no, no. You know what that says? I'm a flash in the.
You know why they did that? They don't even know that. That's me.
I don't think they know that. They do.
They don't know who I am. Oh, you're a fucking mind.
I want to give you a compliment. Jewel.
I know. I've been trying not to do this

Why'd you give me this?

Because you fucking asked for

Oh that's right

And you better have two more tomorrow

For when we travel

Yeah so

My point is that

You're on fire bud

No no dude

Yeah that's what it is

And this is

Dude I know what you're doing

This has nothing I can do with that

I know what you're doing dude

What you're doing is

I'm gonna put this little vape

You know this vape thing on

And pretend like

Why did they do this?

No I didn't like it

And then you wanted us to go

You wanted us to go

Because you're a is I'm going to put this little vape thing on and pretend like, why did they do this? No, I didn't like it. And then you wanted us to go, because you're a big name.
No. And he's going to go, oh, no, no.
That's not why I didn't do it. It's fucking bullshit.
It's Bora Bora shit. And enough.
I'm tired of the shit. Fuck you.
You're famous. No, dude.
This is weird. They don't use my name.
They don't say anything. It doesn't make any sense.
It makes perfect sense. I did not like it.
You're famous. No, dude.
The documentary is about vaping. It uses me for four seconds, and it's a clip that's meaningless.
It doesn't make sense. Are you mad? You made it.
You think I put that in there? No, I think you made it. See what he's doing? What is he doing? He's going against you.
They're in the pot. Smart.
Yeah, you're going against him, huh?

Very smart.

This is the first time you've ridden my wave, dude.

After he called me.

Cowabunga, dude, let's go.

Let's ride, dude.

He called me crying this past week.

Andrew, I don't know if I can take that show anymore.

It's too much work for me.

I can't edit and turn it around that fast that you're a Bobby

and nobody listening to my ideas anymore.

Shut up, bitch.

You really did that call?

Yeah. Fucking bitch.
And then what'd you say? I said say I said go take your kid bitch and I hung up on him I know it's like some people like I don't grow up you pussy other people that I work with are like I don't know if I can do this anymore it's like fuck off fuck off you mean you join the party when you needed it you join the party when you need it and now that you're riding the wave. Too much? I'm going to do a different wave.
Okay. All right, go right under the wave.
You know what? That wave is going to dwindle, and you're going to be stuck back on the beach, dude. Yeah.
And guess what? We're still out there cowabunging. Cowabunga.
E-H-S-S-O-F. Ten toes on the nose.
Yeah, let me talk about that. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
That's what you should have called your podcast, Fancy. Auto-erotic asphyxiation.
Yeah. He never, no, he didn't call me this weekend because if he did, I would have given him a beautiful phone call of solace and hope.
Right? Tell me. We have good phone calls.
We have good, beautiful phone calls. You're a good actor.
Yeah. Really good actor.
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Oh, I can't wait.

What's in there?

What's in there?

What's in there?

Oh, this is actually so cool. Look at this.
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A little coffee machine. A little coffee make-out.
Dude, that looks so expensive. A coffee make-out.
Look at how high class that looks. That's not just it.
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Yeah? What's inside of this? What? My sweet little prince. Guess what? Something else very cool.
It's paper. Sorry, that was just the paper.
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ZocDoc.com slash bad friends. How was Austin? You went? It was good.
I went to Austin, Yuma, Tucson. I've been all around.
You're in Bora Bora. I'm in Yuma, Arizona.
Same, same. Same, same.
What was that? Where do you play club? I've been headlining. Yeah.
When I'm on my own, I've been trying to. So Yuma, where'd you play? It was like a dance club that they made into a stand-up venue.
You were the headliner? Mm-hmm. Oh, cool.
It'm doing this. It's so fun.
I do the theaters with you guys, and then I do the dance rooms, and I'm by myself. How many people showed up? The dance room's good.
Close to 200. Congratulations.
That's rad. Thank you.
Fun. Amazing.
Yeah, I'm getting around one to 200. Spokane's coming soon, and Phoenix.
Yeah, my people are gonna come out. I know.
I know. That's the coolest part.
My people. You're sending people.
Oh, Spokane. Bobby got people all over the world, you know.
They come out to support me. Thanks, bud.
Thank you, bud. Yeah, you got people in Bora Bora, I told you.
Oh, I didn't even say it. The guy at the airport literally goes, he goes, sorry, are you on a podcast? And I said, yeah.
And he goes, the one with Bobby? And I said, yeah. And he goes, I love that show.
I said, thank you, man. Thank you so much.
So sweet. And I go, it's a priority tag on my bag.
No, but it was wild to get, you know what the wildest thing is when people do this? Another guy did this at the fucking hotel. Nice, you know, very like cordial, da, da, da.
And then he says, thank you so much for dining with us, blah, blah, blah. And I said, no problem.
And then he goes, tell Bobby I said hi. Did he really do? Yeah.
And I was like, it's so fucking cool. That's cool.
That international. But he didn't say anything.
He didn't make a thing. He just, as I walked away, he goes, just tell Bobby I said hi.
And I was like, oh, that's so fucking rad. It was rad.
It fucking feels cool. All cool all over the world dude we got fans in fucking South Pacific dude and Yuma everyone in Yuma and that's what I said to him you know who matters the most Yuma Arizona baby you know what also I've been good at and I've grown is I take photos of what I'm eating now what do you mean oh selfies no like you know just you chewing yeah I'm chewing at a restaurant And people will walk up And go, can I have a photograph? And usually I'm like, hey, I'll do it after I'm eating But now, dude, with a burrito in my mouth You've grown I stand out Alright, and I do it See, I like it after I'm eating Because I look like shit when I eat I eat like a nightmare I just inhale food is there any situation that bothers you when that happens when somebody wants a photo yeah um no no i don't really it doesn't really matter unless it's like obviously like come on dude this is a weird time you know what i mean give me an example like bathroom yeah bathroom is fucking weird you're peeing next to a guy yeah wait till i'm out we'll be outside in two seconds bathroom is weird also it's crazy disrespectful when they ask like if

if Peeing next to a guy Yeah wait till I'm out We'll be outside In two seconds Yeah okay Bathroom is weird Also it's crazy Disrespectful when They ask Like If I'm with somebody Whether it's like a wife Or a friend Or a whoever And they ask them To take the photo I'm always like No dude selfie Like vice When we're together That's the worst Dude the worst is when You and I The worst is when You and I are together And somebody says, hey, can you take a photo of me and Andrew?

And you go, get back.

And I go, all right.

I don't do it.

I say, get the fuck out of here.

I go, get the fuck out of here.

But not because it's like you don't want to photo me.

It's like take a selfie.

When people go, hey, can I have a photo?

And I go, yeah.

And then they go, they look around for someone.

I go, dude, we'll take it.

It's this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

We'll take it together. I hate it when somebody goes, can I have a photo? I go, of course.
And they go they look around for someone I go dude we'll take it it's this we'll take it together I hate it when somebody goes can I have a photo I go of course and they go excuse me yeah can you take a it's like no no dude fuck or they do an Andy Leibowitz photo shoot like okay can we let's figure out what we're gonna do no can you do a gang sign but be on your knees and I'll be backwards and I'll do a fucking tilt and I was like no they do that all the time the time. Or this.
I went on both angles. I went wide.
Yeah, and wide. And then, you know what I mean? And then, let's make the third one fun.
Yeah, can we do like a Dirty Sanchez or something? No, dude. Just take it.
It's fun. We're grateful.
It's fun. Thank you so much.
I know I'm just getting a taste of this, but this happened the other day. I was talking to my friend outside about a mutual friend of ours who's on drugs now.
Very sad story. Wait, do we know? I don't think you guys know him.
Then why did you say mutual friend? Me and my friend. Oh.
Stay with me. Whoa.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Wait, wait, let me get you. No, no, no, no.
Stop, stop, stop. No, I want to address to address that first I'd like to address that first Someone sells out One dance hall And boy oh boy Did it go to her head Earlier today You told me to go Fuck myself Yeah that's after You told me to fuck myself I know But that's the boss I'm the boss right I go fuck you I go fuck you And then I should And then you just did that So um I'm feeling feisty I know you're very feisty today alright so calm down but continue you guys taught me everything I know it was our fault he created a monster so we're talking about a friend who's lost his mind I think he's schizophrenic we've seen him on like Hollywood Boulevard and we were talking about what do we do is there anything to do and then this stranger came over and goes oh my god I love you on Bad Friends can i get a picture with you that's perfect timing those times are kind of bad that breaks it up but did you do it oh yeah with a smile on your face yeah i was like get out of my face i have a fan here yeah yeah jesse i really need your help if you could do anything juicy from bad friends i asked him to take the picture yeah hey by the way are to sleep tonight? What time are you leaving the airport? We're leaving at the same time.
Well, no, I'm leaving at 6. You're leaving at 5.30.
Yeah, but I'm probably going to get some sleep. And we're coming back Sunday, right? We are.
So we don't have to pack a lot. I'm packing a backpack.
I'm going to do a backpack. Yeah, fuck that.
We're going one night in and out. In and out, yeah, yeah.
Fuck that. And it's just you and I flying at the same time? And then you guys are flying a flight Yeah we're later than you guys A little bit later I know you guys want some alone time We'd like to be alone We have our moments I'm not gonna lie I hate it Cause I miss you guys We'll miss you too but we'll see you when we get there Showtime Wait a second you like flying with us Oh yeah like the Uber ride from your house.
It's like an hour of quality time together. Oh, that is true.
We do have a nice time together. Let me ask you something.
But Friday night, we have time. Are we going to all have dinner? Yeah.
Oh, I would love that. Well, I don't know.
What time do you guys get in? Nine. 9 p.m.? We'll have already.
We'll have already. No dinner.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Yeah. No dinner.
That's OK. That's OK.
Bob, you and I will go out to dinner. Where do you want to go? I'm killing you.
Where do you want to go? A little one on one date. Let's go.
I'd like to go somewhere very nice. Let's go somewhere fancy.
Can I be honest? Who invited me over to their house? Be honest. Let me guess.
Jim Jordan. Are you serious? Yeah.
No. Damn it.
Someone in D.C. invited me to their house.
Is he up? Pretty big Biden? Pretty high up Huh? Joe Biden? Do you know Joe? How do you know Joe? He's I've just seen him like online Like on real I want you to come over to my house Bring the Chinese boy over Maybe make something in the living room We'll watch him Are you still with the yellow yellow man is the yellow man there? I gotta take a nap I don't know if I was trying I was trying to say Chris Christie I love Chris Christie he invited me over are you being real? he does a buffet at his house every night do you know that? I can tell from the book really? It's a buffet every single day itself

It's like a fucking resort

It's unbelievable

You can get your eggs any way you want them

But you couldn't get them pre-made

Did you know Chris Christie?

No

Fuck do I know Chris Christie

I don't know anybody

D.C. is one of those places that is so fake

You know it's a fake city It's's Hollywood for ugly people. Did you say that before? No.
Did you say that before? I don't know if I said that before. I feel like I'm having deja vu.
I feel like you did. I think you said that one time or somebody said that.
Maybe I stole it from somewhere. No, it's such a good phrase.
Hollywood for ugly people. It's Hollywood for the power hungry.
No, it's people that grew up and they're like, I can't be an actor. Right? Look at my face.
Can't be a singer. And my body.
Right. Like Chris Christie.
Right. He looks in the mirror and he's like, you know, running lines as a kid.
Right? You know he was doing plays. A hundred percent.
What? He was doing like Fiddler on the Roof and shit. You know Chris Christie was doing fucking- No, he was doing scenes from What's Eating Gilbert Grape.
They wouldn out by him on the roof. Yeah, just playing the mom the old time.
You can't put him on... You gotta get him off the roof.
He's gonna break the roof. And misery.
Oh, hey, I was in Return of the Jedi. Just do a Jabba slide.
But he's featured in all these movies and plays, dude. That's true.
He's a main character. But anyway, at one point he's like, no, I think I'm going to go to DC.
Yeah, I got to move. Yeah, I want to be a politician.
Yeah, I want to change the world. Like, I'm really riveted by – like, if I saw Jim Jordan, even though I don't follow his politics, I would be starstruck.
Well, yeah. If we were at a steak house, and we'd go, holy fuck, there's Crockett.

You know,

she's a star.

Who?

Crockett.

Crockett?

Yeah,

her name is Jasmine Crockett.

I don't think I know who this is.

She's a congressman.

Dude,

she's a star, dude.

Jazz Crockett.

I mean,

what a name.

What's her real name?

Jasmine Crockett.

That's a fucking name.

Dude.

Jazzy Crockett.

Dude,

have you seen her?

She could be a rapper.

She's so smart,

but she has, I want to ride the line here, okay ahead and do it she has an attitude what do you mean go ahead and say it what are you trying to say sassy black woman is that what you're trying to say did i just say that well you looked over there i can say that look like you said it it looked like you said it no it's just she has oh go ahead what is that she it, dog? What? What is it? She's on the fucking floor laying it down. Who else? Hey, hey.
Okay. That's her.
How's it going? Is it like a Kia commercial? Yeah, yeah. No, she.
Ooh, this got Bluetooth. Look at that.
Yeah. Excuse me.
Mm-hmm. I'm a huge jet.
She's going to be the next president. Okay slow down in 30 years this woman 30 years 30 she's 40 first of all we'll be dead in 20 years this woman has a future she has Barack Obama um easy can I say swagger why wouldn't you say can I say swagger why wouldn't you say Michelle Obama? Of the Obamas, why wouldn't you compare her to Michelle Obama? No, because still, I don't think Michelle has Barack's speaking, you know what I mean? Yes, she does.
She's very talented. But I think Jasmine Crockett is a star.
Okay. You heard it here first.
When I watch her, I'm like, oh my God, I wish she represented. She's a congressperson.
She's so great, dude. She's rising.
She's a representative, what, district, what is she? Of Texas? She's a Democrat from Texas? No shit. She's so great.
Anyway, but I'm a huge, I love DC, I can't wait to go. Maybe we'll run into some people.
I would like to. Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to go. We've got to go to the Lincoln Memorial, the Washington Monument.
No. And the Jefferson Jones Out.
Do you know the Jefferson Jones Out? It's a big park where a bunch of crackheads are scratching their neck looking for rocks. The Jefferson Jones Out.
It's like a fun late night thing you can go do. Yeah.
He Googled Jefferson Jones.

I did.

We are staying only a couple blocks

in the White House.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

I've never seen it.

Yeah, it's fucking stupid.

It's so dumb.

When I was with Adam Ray

at DC once,

you know what I mean?

I did a little monologue.

It was pretty funny.

If there was an Asian

Martin Luther King,

that'd be great.

And he did a speech.

I had a dreaming.

That white people would do their own laundry.

I did this whole fucking speech.

And what's the white Martin Luther King speech?

Go, go ahead.

I can't get to sleep.

Because I'm worried about my 401k.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And there's only three people there.
Hear me. Hear, hear, brother.
Yeah, we can't sleep too, brother. That's funny.
But anyway, DC is, yeah, I'm not going to do it. I did the monuments.
I'm not doing it. No, I know.
I've done it before too, but I got to take you to the White House. I got to take her to the White House.
You've never been there? I've never been. Oh, you're going to love it? It's clean.
We should make a phone call. Well, it's some area.
We should make a phone call and see if we can get a private tour for her of the White House. Can you get Jet Ski in? Come on.
Or that hot dog place that Barack used to go to and Bill Cosby. Uh-oh.
Hot dog. How is that not the name of that place? I don't know't know I mean how do we not open up a bad friends hot dog hot dog joint I'm from Chicago hot dogs is what we do and you are the hot dog king can we open up hot dog here that's how you have I'm not listen please John Crane Crane was an author? I don't know who that is.
John Crane. Go on.
Is a Groundlings guy. He became the high producers on Mad.
He wrote Oh Hot Dog. Oh Hot Dog.
We could gut him in. That's him.
John Crane. Okay.
Okay. What do we got to do? We got to break him off.
I'm just saying we have to call him first. Do you think he's interested in the Ohoh hot dog business i think he's probably doing a little bit better than that but i remember him calling me over like he wrote it and he goes before the table read because he didn't know how i was gonna do it yeah and he goes you gotta go oh he did it you gotta go oh hot dog you know what i mean like one guy and i'm like in a hallway going okay what like oh hot dog you're like no not as much you know what i mean more asian i remember working on it with him That's awesome.
Yeah, yeah. Can you do it again right now? Uh-oh, hot dog.
You're like, no, not as much. You know what I mean? More Asian.
You know what I mean? I remember working on it with us.

That's awesome.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you do it again right now?

Uh-oh, hot dog.

Perfect.

God, it's so much money you're messing out on.

Buddy, why don't we open up an uh-oh hot dog right here in the valley?

Your ketchup, your mustard, it's perfect.

It literally is perfect.

Why am I mustard?

What?

Yeah, because of the yellow thing.

Your yellow beanie.

You're calling Asians yellow? No, you're right behind you. No, I'm being real.
The yellow beanie is true. Yeah, but you're calling Asians yellow or what? Uh-oh.
I don't want to get out of this. Door Dash.
I think I would be a dead man without Door Dash because I get everything from them. I get my vitamins.
I get food. I get groceries.
I get all kinds of stuff from DoorDash. They're reliable, quick.
They have a beautiful selection of things. Also, I like their app.
It's so user-friendly. That's a big thing for me is I want to be able to use something seamlessly, simply, and it's laid out very easily.
And they have literally anything that you need, they can get it for you. Let me ask you something.
Missing the syrup for your pancakes? Yeah, I was. Right.
Or you just ran out of your favorite coffee creamer? That happens. With DoorDash grocery delivery, Andrew, focus on me.
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That's 50% off up to $20 on your first order through DoorDash when you enter the code BF m a r t that's bf mart don't forget that's code bf mart for 50 off your first order up to 20 when you try doordash dude that's it we're opening up oh yeah okay david dobrik's got a fucking pizza place you think we can't fucking smash we have hot dogs we have to call a guy like david chang to make gourmet hot dogs no No. Honestly, if I was going to do a real

hot dog restaurant,

I'd have to figure out

number one, I want it to be quality.

Oh yeah.

Where do we get the dogs?

We got 100%

from China.

You know, you're lucky that was funny.

That was so funny. That is not okay That pause though, was me laughing Because I was hoping But then I'm also offended Guy dude, every once in a while dude Very funny Uh oh, hot dog From China I mean, dude, the timing Let me see here, you You say, uh-oh, hot dog in Spanish.
Spanish style. Go ahead.
Uh-oh, perrito caliente. And that will be on the menu as well.
Yeah, yeah. If you want a Spanish style hot dog.
But I would call David Chang and go, listen, can we reinvent the hot dog? I just want to, I don't want to just because, I want people to go, oh, the food's good too. I got it.
I have something really great that I've always thought was amazing. Okay, go ahead.
My biggest pet peeve when I, because every time I go to a baseball game, I have a hot dog. You have to get a Dodger dog when you go to Dodger Stadium.
My wife and I, anybody I take, you have to. I don't like hot dogs.
I don't give a fuck. You have to get one there.
You have to take a bite, throw it away. It's fine.
I don't like it. You're putting on all the condiments and they always fall over.
And sometimes the condiments get ketchup or mustard on them. I know where you're going.
I want the hot dogs injected with the condiments. I want to make a condiment mixture and inject the hot dog with the fucking condiments.
Tell me this isn't an amazing idea. But I'll tell you.
This is an amazing idea. I'll take you one step further.
Give it to me, baby. You put the bread in there too.
Whoa, how do you even do that? That's crazy. Wait a minute.
So you're just sucking on a glizzy. Just a big round chunk of meat.
No, because the bread will absorb some of the glizzies. Oh, yes.
You know what I mean? How do we get it in there, though? Good question. Dude, leave it up to the fucking engineers.
Yeah, you don't need to worry about it. We'll call the guys that made Juul.
The guys that made Juul, they'll figure it out. Right.
So we inject it. No, how about this? If they can get a pack of cigarettes into your hand like that, they can bread inside of a hot dog that's true dude so we put what we put ketchup mustard relish well there's different ones you can get onions relish cheese this is a standard one right cheese the peppers chopped up right we stick it inside the thing yes right I think the bun if I think about it it wouldn't work of course not I just thought about it that's insane That's fucking insane.
I was just throwing out ideas. I have an idea.
Cut the hot dog in half long ways. Put the bun inside.
You're fired. What do you mean? You're fired.
I don't even know what you mean. Like, make the hot dog the bun.
No. Oh, what you said? You're with me.
This is insane. You're going.
I know what you're doing. You're doing a McDonald's McGriddle.'s McGriddle kind of vibe, right? Pancake.
No, no, no. No.
So what you're saying is you make the hot dog, but he has a point. The hot dog is usually oily and wet.
It's greasy, wet. And greasy, right? And the bun is the handle, so we have to figure out.
That's where the uh-oh comes from. That's right.
And we have no napkins.

No napkins. No napkins.

If you want to buy a shirt, an uh-oh hot dog shirt,

you can use that.

It's one big napkin.

Our merch shirts are made of napkins.

You'll save so much money with no napkins.

Yeah, but we'll charge them for the shirts.

What if we make, you know,

instead of make the bread a stick?

Time out.

Time out.

Put the hot dog on a stick time out pretzel time out put the hot dog on a stick no i'm in time in do we should we deep fry it no and make it a corn dog we're gonna have corn dogs on the menu that's not what i'm doing guy uh-oh business problems listen to my fucking go ahead i'm trying to, right? What you're saying is it's not breaded like a corn dog. It's not a stick, right? What I'm saying is I'm trying to get around, right? How do we reinvent the bun? Do we have a hot dog on a stick? Yes.
What is this stick? A chopstick. We got to make this menu right now.
That's beautiful. We got to make this menu, and it's wrapped in fucking that Asian chili zing sauce from Trader Joe's.

What's a chili zing sauce?

Asian zing. Got the green lid.

Thank you. You know.
So good.

Can we also have a hot dog

called the Carlos? Yeah. And all it is

is, you know those hot dogs at like 7-Eleven

that have been on the rotator for like 48 days

and they're gray and sideways

and lumpy? That's the Carlos. One hair on top.
One hair on top. That's the Carlos.
Oh no, the Carlos. Oh my God, the Carlos hot dog is just, it's a glory hole.
It's a hot dog with a hole. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And you can fuck it. Yeah.
That's the Carlos. But let's reinvent the onion ring.
What do you think? Reinvent the onion ring. Right, instead of onion.
It's just one whole onion we throw in a deep fryer. that's so good and instead of like dude that's so good like a caramel apple but it's just an onion on a stick onion ball an onion ball on a stick we do onion balls dude yeah dude right we bread the whole thing deep fried onion balls right in the middle we gotta put something ooh what is in the middle the invisible the invisible paper for the fucking candies.
Yes, the white rhino. The rabbit.
The white rabbit. Something like that.
You know what would be really great? Onion balls? What? If it's all a surprise, and sometimes it's not cool. Like one of them's a balut egg is in the middle of one or two of them.
You don't know what you're going to get. Not cool onion balls.
Yeah, right. Not cool onion balls.
Like someone will go, oh great, I got a regular onion. Some guy goes, oh my God, I got fucking Juju bears.

Juju bees.

Juju bees.

Juju bear is my business manager.

I love him.

The man.

No, wait.

So some of them are bad.

Some of them are good.

You know how like you get shishito peppers

and some of them are hot?

That's the risk you take.

I see.

This is our shishitos.

Yeah. We should have a golden ticket.
Willy Wonka style for a guest oh yes a golden ticket yeah oh golden ticket and you get to use it so stupid no i think it's honest i'm not even kidding when i say this is such a good idea it's such a good idea the uh-oh hot dog restaurant yeah and you who's going to work there. Who? These guys.
McCone. 100%.
McCone's the fucking onion ball guy. I think he cleans out the grease pits.
Okay. I think he dumps out the grease.
And you know him, he'd be like, could I take some of the grease home? Yeah, dude, take the grease home. Chili.
Let's reinvent chili. Careful.
Why? I don't know anything about chili. You don't know anything about chili.
What do you mean? I know I like it.

I like it too.

I don't know how to make it.

That's what you call the people.

You got to call David Chang.

Yeah, yeah.

About chili.

What's in chili?

Well, it's just beef.

Let's guess.

Let's guess.

I'm being real.

Yeah.

All right.

So is there bone marrow?

There can be.

Your chili probably has bone marrow.

You can put bone marrow in anything.

So my chili, bone marrow.

Love it.

Chopped up meat.

Okay, what kind of meat?

The cow kind.

The cow kind?

Yeah, yeah.

If we had in Toronto, that it was like, what was it?

Like $70 an ounce, that fucking...

Wagyu?

Wagyu.

Wagyu.

That was so good.

What about baby cow calf?

What do they call that?

Baby cow calf? The calves of the calf. Veal? Veal.
Yeah, veal's so good. We do veal meat.
Okay, chop that up. Chunky chug chump.
Put the bone marrow. Right? And then you put some sort of like base.
Booyah base. I don't know.
What's the liquidy vibe about it? Tomato. Tomato.
Tomato paste. You put tomato paste? Well, you put a stock in there, whether it's a beef stock or a chicken stock.
I love sesame oil and everything. That's just an added.
Yeah. Okay, put sesame oil in there.
So the beef. And beans.
Then they put beans in chili. Kidney beans.
Yeah, yeah. And you just mix it around, right? Elbow beans.
What else? What kind of beans are there? Lime beans? Amoeba beans? Lime beans?ime beans Yeah yeah Some of Carlos' family members

Anyway we'll do that

We're gonna stick in hot dogs

No chili then

You think it's too big

And you know how when you walk into a convenience store

And then

What does ours do?

Let me guess

Let me guess

And I'm offended by it

Okay

Yeah every time you walk in I wanna hear that, hot dog. That do you mean? It's our fucking restaurant.
So you walk in. Oh, hot dog.
Right? And then. And then Daddy Why You Die is playing on loop.
Right. The whole place.
And then we have to have. Dude, we have to have a mascot.
Like, you know. Your dad.
Your dead dad is our mascot. You want a hot dog.
And he walks around just to go through your father. Free hot dog for you.
We have to put, we have to, he's got to be a furry creature, no, or no. No, a furry creature? Make him purple.
Oh, okay. Put fur on him, purple by my dad.
Alright, okay. Oh, I'm purple.
I'm purple. That's his name, Pupaw.
Pupaw. Pupaw.
And people think it's Pawpaw. Yeah, but it's purple.
We're so good, dude. I'm telling you, this is a great idea.
Fancy, start to make up a business plan for this, please. I would love to do something like that.
No shit. You don't have a choice.
We're talking about it. Because this job is about to end for you soon, and you're going to be taking over the fucking restaurant.
We're talking about it, dude. You're a fucking lunatic.
Fiendog! What's up, dude? Good to see you. Bobby, say hi.
Hi. So Asian, dude.
Hello. Get on the mic.
Get on your headphones. I'm intimidated by your looks, dude.
Yeah? Good looking kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Good looking kid. Smells good.
Yeah, I'm like... Bobby's always...
I'm really intimidated by your look. I've always have been.
Yeah, there's something about you, man. I just...
I don't know what it is. He's always trying to fight me.
Yeah. Well, when you walked into the olive tree last time...
I remember. You did try to fight him.
I did. Last time we were in...
On sight. Yeah, on sight.
You look like a 1940s bellhop. Where are our bags, by the way? Don't you? A 1940s bellhop at a hotel? Dude, look at them, dude.
But a good one. Yeah.
I feel like... Yeah, maybe a...
What's that way of talking that we did? A Paul Thomas Anderson hotel or something? Oh, yes. What's that kind of talking we did? Yeah.
It was a white supremacy? What was it? No, no, no. The talkies, see? The talkies, the talkies.
He looks like that. You're a talkie, dude.
And you go, put him up. Put him up.
Stick him up. Stick him up.
Stick him up. Duke him up.
Sorry. Duke him up Chang.
Duke him up up. Chang.
Is Duke him up. Chang related to the new exorcist.

Oswald Chang.

But anyway,

you have that.

But you know what?

I did attack you at the,

at,

in New York.

And in LA last time I was here.

I did.

And,

um,

let me see if I want to apologize.

Here we,

here we,

here we,

here we,

here we,

here we,

he does not want to.

It's fine.

I love you though.

Ladies and gentlemen,

our,

our,

our pop-in guests,

one of,

uh, one of the homies, uh, a New York finest uh comedian mike feeney is here uh looking as dapper as ever if you're if you're on audio only he's got some of the best hair in the business some have quoted him as saying second or third to malaney i've heard you're right behind john yeah hair wise a lot less a lot less uh coke yeah less coke you don't have a coke problem yeah. But you do have a family now, just like he does.
So it could happen soon, dude. I'm looking to destroy it.
Mike, you have kids, Mike? I have one, yeah. Oh, that's congratulations.
A lot of months old. Thank you.
Oh, I'm sorry. That felt, there was a lot of resentment in that.
I just learned the words, so I think I'm doing pretty good. Oh, gotcha.
Yeah, I mean. When he learns words, he's got to use them often.
Yeah, congratulations. Otherwise, they go away.
Like a word a day. Yeah, you work it it in.
Like what is it called when you're masturbating and you're choking yourself out at the same time? Asphyxiation. Autoerotic asphyxiation.
He had a little bit of trouble with that too. Yeah.
Say it fast. Autoerotic asphyxiation.
He did it good and he didn't change shape in his face. Look at that.
Now watch Bobby try to do it. But you were also mouthing the words like a stage mom while I was saying it.
Autoerotic asphyxiation. He has to change his face.
See how he goes like this? He goes, autoerotic asphyxiation. See if you can do it like this.
Autoerotic asphyxiation. I didn't do anything.
Yeah, you did something with your eyes. Autoerotic asphyxiation.
Blink again. I blink? Oh, don't blink.
So make it creepy? No, just don't blink. Autorotic asphyxiation.
There you go. You look like someone who does it all the time.
It's crazy. It feels like that's your move, dude.
In a good way. In a good, like a punk rock.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like rock and roll.
Yeah, not in like a Chester Bennington kind of a way. As he comes, rock and roll.
Do it, babe. I think I should go.

No, stay. Now you're in trouble.

See, you cross a line and you knew what you were getting

into. This job is really hard.

It's like they want me to cross it, but when I do,

they hate it. You fucked me up.

Here we go.

Autoerotic asphyxiation.

Now you're a pro.

Dude, you're doing it worse now for some reason.

Autoerotic asphyxiation. That's better.
Better? You left out like five letters. An autorotic asphyxiation.
He doesn't know all the letters. I don't know all the letters, dude.
Let's move on. Anyway, Mike, good to see you, bud.
What are you doing out here? That was a fun, you turned that into a talk show. He's good at that, too.
Mike, what are you doing out here? Yeah, you're really Byron Allen me. Well, I'm out here.
was a fun that was a fun you turned that into a talk he's good at that mike great mike what are you doing out here yeah you really byron allen me well i'm out here yeah oh you're comparing me to byron i heard you don't like sunshine you like the sunshine yeah a very rich successful he owns the weather right doesn't he own the weather channel yeah does he he owns the weather channel bought the weather channel look at this byron allen look it up he bought the weather channel a couple years ago but i remember at mitzi's funeral everybody was talking about it owns the weather channel shit dude so every time there's a hurricane he just fucking sits yeah he's getting papered up dude also he fucked me dude what happened he had sex with bobby no that was years ago no he has a show i forgot what it's called the byron allen show no there's a show that he does. It's tricky.
That Jody Miller works on. It's called...
Funny You Should Ask? Is that right? It's a game show. Yeah, yeah.
Funny You Should Ask, right? So I did it once. Yeah, I got it right.
So I was there and Byron, you know, says, hello, this and that. And he goes, that's your seat.
I did it with like when Louis Anderson was still alive. There you are.
And the shirt says old old fart that's a great shirt a great shirt what happened to that shirt i don't know but that's my shirt right old fart right can barely see you and i was supposed to do the like two more after that and i found out right after i was leaving somebody called me and goes yeah byron's gonna do your spots wait what do you mean byron's doing your spots? He's going to sit on the chair and he wants to be on camera.

On his own show?

Yeah.

He hosts the show, right?

No.

Some other guy hosted it

at the time.

Oh.

Whoa.

That's fucked.

So he got bumped?

I got bumped by the guy

that owns it?

He owns it, right?

So I'm going to say to Byron, dude,

we have issues, dude,

and I don't care

you own the weather.

Put a fucking tsunami

at my house.

No.

Yeah, give me a hurricane. No, because you live close to me.
Don't do that, Byron. Please.
You're in charge with the weather. I don't care you own the weather.
Put a fucking tsunami at my house. No.
Yeah, give me a hurricane.

No, because you live close to me.

Don't do that, Byron.

Please.

You're in charge with the weather.

I don't care, dude.

What, are you a storm now?

Yeah, he's a storm.

I'm from X-Men.

Storm is black.

I know.

Yeah.

It doesn't make sense.

So we have a fucking bone to pick, man.

No, no, you've picked it right now.

That's what I meant.

Bone is picked, my dog.

So anyway, don't even,

don't say his name.

Oh, sorry.

I didn't. I love you, Mike.
Mike. Mike.
Hi, bud. You look great.
What are you doing out here, bud? Can I also say this is the largest amount of water I've ever been offered on a show before? Welcome to LA, dog. This ain't New York, buddy.
I'll be drinking this the next two weeks. This is crazy.
Yeah, that's as big as your apartment in New York. That's the fucking problem with New York is everything is smaller.
Out here, bigger, baby. You think this is Chrissy chaos? Yeah, fuck that, dude.
This is a real podcast. We'll give you all the water.
Feeney's got a new special out right now. We'd like people to go see it and watch it because he's a friend and he's wonderful.
It's out available right now. Tell him the title.
You're going to love it. Mike Feeney, A Night at the Comedy Cellar.
It's on my YouTube channel, youtube.com. That's the title? Mike Feeney Comedy.
Yeah. Yeah.
I kept it pretty. I didn't want any.
Mike Feeney doing stand up. Let's call it that.
Well, it's the reason why it's called that. You know what I mean? There's a story.
What is the story? Well, maybe I'll tell it. You know what? No, I got what it is.
You know what the deal is, dude? What is the deal? Ever since I've known you, right? You're conflicted with me. No, no, no.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. There is...
What are you saying? Well, from my perspective, an outsider. Yeah.
Okay, you're not really an outsider. A young comic, an apprentice.
You're literally an insider of this show. Yeah, yeah.
So what is your... So you're going to tell your boss something.
You came in kind of hot. Dude.
This is pretty amazing. Bobby is mad.
But maybe there's something I don't know. There's a past.
You said. Exactly.
Yeah. You got to put it into context, dude.
Yeah. So what happened? I think the first time we met was outside the comedy cell at the Village Underground.
I said, what's up, dude? I'm Mike. And then I think your first words were you motherfucker.
Yeah. And you lunged at me.
And I think that's been kind of our emotion. I'm not mad about it.
Does that sound like something I would do? Yeah. Oh my God.
Yeah. Guys, vote here if we could have a fucking click.
Is that something I would do? That's insane behavior. Were you like holding your eyes far apart or something? No, no, no.
It sounds like he's for eggs. I was not pulling my eyes back.
Oh, yeah. He was.
That's right. That's what you were doing, Mike.
Yeah, yeah. That doesn't sound like it at all.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you went like that and that's why he lunged, dude.
He literally goes, Stop Asian hate, Mike. You didn't see me doing that.
All right. Mike Feeney walks up to you and goes, Welcome to V-Rick Underground.
That's what he did. No, you know what he did? He did the reverse.
He made whiter Yeah, yeah Mike what the fuck dude looking up and down yeah

Yeah, yeah the peripherals so anyway, so we've had conflict, but let's let's resolve it now. Did I wash the beef?

I literally have no beef with you dude. It's great.
I don't want to be a few man. Yeah

Yeah, I have beef with somebody else Byron Allen yeah yeah and you know but um you're in some shit you're some shit then i'm glad you stay would you fight byron allen like let's say he like heard about this and he wants to square up with you would you fight him for real like in a physical like boxing yeah like let's say byron allen hears this takes it serious and wants to square up with you. He's fucking big.
He's six foot three. There's no way, dude.
He's going to fuck you up. Why are you talking shit on our show? He's going to fuck you up.
I'm never going to see him again. I doubt it, dude.
He owns the weather. Oh, there's a fog every time he's around? Yeah, dude.
That's all awesome. What a cool superpower.
I heard Byron was here

I can't see him

imagine a group of kids

a bunch of kids

sitting around elementary school

I want to be a firefighter

I want to be a spaceman

I want to own the weather

Byron

we can't own the weather

watch me bitch

he bought the weather

so it's Mike Feeney

live at the comedy cellar

night at the comedy cellar

oh I got it wrong

yeah it's alright

see what I'm saying there's a tone you're throwing these weird verbal darts at him let's start over try it again let's do it again go ahead introduce his special so Mike Feeney a night at the comedy cellar yes correct I assume it's taped at the Comedy Cellar.

You're doing really goofy things

with your eyes. Yeah.

You went cross-eyed. And you're doing it

live. It's at night.

And it's you, Mike Feeney.

It is. So, Mike

Feeney, night at the Comedy Cellar.

But it's also, there's four rooms

of the Comedy Cellar. No, don't talk.

See, that's what. As you know, I said.

Okay, good.

He did say as you know.

I know, I know, I know.

And it's me doing all four rooms in one night.

Oh, that's a cool idea.

And then I directed it and I edited it because I pitched it to production companies and they

said it couldn't be done and it would cost over $1,000.

Kind of what, didn't Fahim Anwar do that?

Exactly. He did all three rooms of the Comedy Cellars.
He did three. Kind of what, didn't Fahim Anwar do that? Exactly.

He did all three rooms

at the Comedy Store.

He did three.

This is four,

so it's more.

I like that.

That's smart.

Yeah.

You got a one-up.

Wanna one-up our buddy, dude.

Wanna one-up our buddy.

Yeah, yeah.

It's great, the original.

It's great.

Yeah, yeah.

You're thinking, you know.

I am.

I said the box.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Tell him about your special.

Nothing.

Okay.

So anyway, let's go back. Be nice.
Oh, you don't think I can do one? No, you can't. I can do it.
I can do it. You know what? I bet you can't.
You know what I'll do? How about this? There we go. You know what? Oh, I bet you can't.
I'll do mine everywhere at the comedy store and at the Laugh Factory and at the Improv and at the Ice House. So I wound up Mike.
Really? Like I could do that.

You're leaving out some flappers?

You're not going to do flappers?

Yeah, flappers and all that stuff.

What about the comedy castle or whatever?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What about the fart run?

I'm sure it's great.

What can they see?

Mike, good to be here.

What a pleasure.

Thanks for visiting us here in LA.

It's great.

Where can they see your special?

They can see it on my YouTube channel.

YouTube. YouTube.

Slash Mike Feeney.

We'll put the link in the description for people that want to watch it. Yeah, Mike.
And let me say the reason why we have this is because I respect you. Is that what it is? 100%, dude.
Okay, the pause gave me pause. Hold on.
I think you're more of a Ronnie Chang fan. You think I like Ronnie Chang more than you, bit i know ronnie cheng more than you but maybe that's just a maybe that's just an issue we can work through well he's trying to say do you like chinese people or korean people better is at what he's trying to get to the root well i have i have a history though with uh i have a there was a kid in my high school what do you have a history what with chinese people we all do buddy yeah runs pretty deep um i uh there was a kid that we grew up with in my neighborhood.
He moved there in high school, and we called him Mexican Tony, but he was incredibly Chinese. That's really funny.
But he was from China. He was like a transfer kid, and his family he was so rich they had the biggest house in our neighborhood and he went to our high school and he wanted to ingratiate his friends into the you know make friends so he had all the people over for a house party in 11th grade and we all went to his house Long Island you know scumbags we all got very drunk there was probably 50 people there got way out of control people like destroyed his house, punched holes in the walls.
People were fighting and brawling. I lost my virginity on his sister's bed after seven Mike's Hard Lemonades.
Wow. Ever since then I felt bad about that.
So I feel like I owe the Chinese people a little bit of gratitude. He opened his home to me.
Yeah. Where's Mexican 20 now? Honestly, I know he got in a ton of trouble.
His house was pristine, beautiful, impeccably. He thought he would just have a few friends over and then everyone texted him.
Let me ask you a question. He's in Trump's cabinet.
I heard he was working for Trump. He's probably doing...
And Mexican Tony. We all love Mexican Tony.
Not really Mexican. When his parents came back what do you think they would say to him accent please so here you are set the scene yo mom dad what's up sorry mom dad I am very disappointed in you, Mexican Tony.
No, no, no. No, dude, no, dude.
No, dude. Let's do it again.
They were proper speaking, you know what I mean? Also, you're saying that Mexican Tony's parents were born in America? No, no. So they had accents, right? Are you an actor, Mike? Are you an actor, Mike? Sure.
This is the role. Okay.
Right role okay right oh mom dad sorry we had a party last night my bad i am very disappointed very good very good very good very good would you ever come out of here or i was gonna move out here in 2019 i was having so much fun remember 2019 at the comedy store it was best it was just it was i was just, it was the first time I came out to LA and I was like,

Oh fuck,

this might be better than New York now.

Like it's like,

it's like at that level and every comic you guys are all driving like

Ferraris and like BMWs.

I'm like,

what's happening?

I was like,

how is everybody doing?

And then I was like,

you know what?

I'm going to,

I say I did New Year's Eve at the comedy store and it was amazing.

And I was like,

I'm going to move out here in this year in 2020.

And then, you know, it all ended. Yeah.
And you know who did that? Yeah. Byron Allen.
Oh, he brought it with the weather. Oh, shit.
Chinese fog rolled in. He's unstoppable.
He really is, dude. Yeah.
Hit TV shows, controls the weather. I think the combination of COVID And then Rogan and everyone moving out of LA Kind of fucked up the scene a little bit I have to admit that, I think But I think we're the scene now Yeah, but I don't like Do you like being the scene? Do you like being top dog? I'm having so much fun I'm having fun, but I don't Sometimes I look at the lineup And I'll go, oh, I'm the guy on the lineup I don't like that I like seeing but you were always one of the guys in the lineup to be one of many but to be the only one sometimes you know sometimes you look at the lineup and go oh shit I'm the only guy well I think what a lot of times happens with us that also happens in New York that I see and he can attest to this comedy seller lineups everyone's on fucking tour all the time yeah I think more comics now are on tour than I've ever seen in my life.
Every single comic is, and also every single comic seems to be in Australia and New Zealand. We just got an offer to go down there.
It feels like Australia and New Zealand have every comedian in America. Well, tell him where you're staying right now.
You care to talk about it or no? Yeah, it doesn't matter. Yeah, I'm staying at Tim's.
Tim's mega mansion over in Hollywood Hills. Oh, you're like five minutes from me, like three minutes from me.
Yeah. Let's hang dude.
I will leave tomorrow for. Okay.
But if you weren't leaving. How long are you in town for? I'm only in town until Sunday, then I go to Austin.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oops. Timing.
Yeah, yeah. Timing.
Next time, though, for sure, right? Do you have any words of wisdom for Feeney, for Austin? Give him one of the inside dips. Yeah, get like a whole carton of cigarettes.
You're going to be using them. You're going to be smoking them.
Okay. Have you been there yet? Yeah.
Okay. Austin? Yeah.
I haven't been to the mothership, though, since it's open, though. So that'll be my first time.
Are you going to play there? Yeah, I'm doing Kill Tony when I'm out there. That's great.
Yeah. Bob and I are opening up a club down there, the fathership.
And I don't know if he's going to be mad about it, but we're doing it. We don't give a fuck.
And we have also a hot dog stand. We are opening up a hot dog stand for real.
It's called Uh-Oh Hot Dog. Why is it Uh-Oh? Go ahead and show him.
Uh-Oh Hot Dog. It's a great character he did.
It's a thing he does. It's a great character he did on Mad TV.
Bring up Uh-Oh Hot Dog i mean two camera no less just a full right at the camera so we're opening up a hot dog joint i mean that's for that that's how that that's how that sketch ends by the way it just all the sketches end with all hot dogs and then you just that's fun yeah it was mad tv at the and we can move on. I don't need to do this because he's going to not want to talk about it.
Yeah. But honestly, the reason that I think it was so successful up against SNL was that the sketches were way more like wackadoo.
Insane. Insane.
I think SNL tried, and still does, have kind of a cohesive front middle end, right? It always has a bow on it. Very very traditional well-written sketches sure but i like that that show was fucking weird it was like shooting at the sky sometimes and it didn't matter if it didn't really miss swan and it was fucking weird what was the one that um what was the one that uh michael mcdonald yeah michael mcdonald stewart stewart i mean not all of that shit Yeah.
The amount of times that people, yeah, my friend I used to just do that, like, look what I can do. And then you jump and just do the dumbest thing.
It was wonderful. We're having dinner with Michael, by the way.
Don't pay. I know we are.
But here's the one thing I want to say is when I auditioned, there was like, they didn't want me. They were like, we want a white guy.
So they- Wow. How the times have changed.
They wanted to tear and kill him. And so at the end, it was down to me and tear and kill him.
And they basically said, we got to give this kid a shot. I mean, I know he's Asian, Korean.
They've never had anyone like that. None of the sketch shows really had someone like me.
And you both got it. And me and Taryn both got it.
And so my hat's off to them for hiring me. Hats off to them for hiring.
We actually met some of the MADtv people in Boston. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Some of the old executives came to the show, Riders and stuff like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great.
It was great. Wow.
Anyway. We had a good time.
Mike. Michael.
Thanks for being here. Thanks for having me.
Would you check out a special? Please go watch a special right now on YouTube. Yeah.
Mike Feeney will link it. The the boys will link it in the description it's also i'm gonna get your number after this so that the next time you're in town no more fighting i can book you on tiger valley yeah i would love to do it okay so i'm gonna get your number after this thing wow and let's cause peace i love that yeah there's too much turmoil in the world yeah we did let's let's settle this conflict right here what was the wink though yes yeah that's undid everything you just said cahoots yeah the wink was um first of all what was that it's a miracle that an asian guy can wink yeah it is pretty surprising yeah because it's it's very subtle well they're so close together that i live and that's right and the words wink and blink are also too close together.
I don't know.

How do we know what you're really doing?

Yeah.

So, no, that wink was pleasant.

Okay.

It was a pleasant wink.

And I want to say, let's do that.

Thanks for coming by here.