Bad Friends

Barbie & Ken Breakup

October 23, 2023 1h 11m Episode 189 Explicit
Tour Tickets: https://badfriendspod.com Get MORE Bad Friends at our Patreon!! https://www.patreon.com/badfriends Thank you to our Sponsors: Morgan&Morgan, ButcherBox, Shopify & Vroom • Morgan & Morgan: If you’re ever injured, you can check out Morgan & Morgan. Their fee is free unless they win. For more information go to https://ForThePeople.com/badfriends or dial Pound LAW (Pound 529) from your cell phone. This is a paid advertisement. • Sign up today using code BADFRIENDS to receive free turkey + 20 dollars off your first order at https://butcherbox.com/BADFRIENDS • Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month tiral period at https://www.shopify.com/badfriends • You can buy a car from Vroom entirely online. So, next time you need to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to https://Vroom.com, and check out thousands of cars. YouTube Subscribe: http://bit.ly/BadFriendsYouTube Merch: http://badfriendsmerch.com 0:00 Barbie & Ken's Evil Spirits 7:44 Carlos Misbehaves at Santino's Party 13:10 A Barbie Girl in a Barbie World 19:20 Bobby's Spiritual Awakening 26:06 Does Everything Happen for a Reason? 33:15 Bobby Lee is a Dodo 39:13 Carlos Wants to a Taxidermy Bobby 46:33 Santino's Advice for Trick-Or-Treaters   59:49 A Fancy Jigsaw Shocks Bobby More Bobby Lee TigerBelly: https://www.youtube.com/tigerbelly Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bobbyleelive Twitter: https://twitter.com/bobbyleelive Tickets: https://bobbyleelive.com More Andrew Santino Whiskey Ginger:  https://www.youtube.com/andrewsantinowhiskeyginger   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cheetosantino Twitter: https://Twitter.com/cheetosantino  Tickets: http://www.andrewsantino.com More Juicy Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jetskijohnson/?hl=en More Fancy SOS VHS: https://www.youtube.com/@SOSVHS Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/fancyb.1 More Bad Friends iTunes: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bad-friends/id1496265971 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/badfriendspod/   Twitter: https://twitter.com/badfriends_pod   Official Website: http://badfriendspod.com/ Opening Credits and Branding: https://www.instagram.com/joseph_faria & https://www.instagram.com/jenna_sunday Credit Sequence Music: http://bit.ly/RocomMusic // https://www.instagram.com/rocom  Character Design: https://www.instagram.com/jeffreymyles Bad Friends Mosaic Sign: https://www.instagram.com/tedmunzmosaicart Produced by: 7EQUIS https://www.7equis.net/ Podcast Producer: Andrés Rosende This episode contains paid promotion. #bobbylee #andrewsantino #badfriends Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Full Transcript

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Come on, Barbie. Let's go party.
I've never seen. You've seen Barbie.
I've never seen Barbie. I don't even know how they talk.
They're like this. Well, I'm Ken.
And that's my girl Barbie. Hi, and I'm Barbie.
That's not how she talks. How do you talk? I'm Barbie.
No, that's not how she talks. That's how she talks? Yeah.
All right. Trans Barbie.
What did you just say? Stop. Stop.
They're all trans. I've seen the dolls.
That's right. They are.
They are. Okay.
Guys, we have a weird thing happening on the TV. Well, first of all, can we wish everybody a happy Halloween? What's going on right now? You go right into bits? Happy Halloween.
Say hello and everything. Start over.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots A white dude and an Asian dude You two are disgusting You two are something We're bad friends Hi I'm Barbie Come on Barbie Let's go party.

Come on, Barbie.

Let's go party.

It hurts.

It hurts.

Is that how it sounds?

So anyway, welcome to Halloween.

Halloween, Halloween. Halloween.
And be careful because you can, you know, indirectly summon evil spirits during the holidays. Ooh.
Halloween. And, you know, you're inviting the demon to come into your lives.
I agree. You agree? I agree.
I agree too. I saw a ghost this morning in my house and I'm not, I'm actually not.
Tell me about your'm not joking describe it to me the ghost so i was looking up we were cooking breakfast this morning and i looked up in the hallway there's a little hallway that goes into my living room and then into another hallway yeah and my dog will often sit and stare at that hallway and you're like she sits and stares at it all by the way your dog yeah the best black dog i've ever seen yeah i know we got rid one. It wasn't good enough.
Yeah. I mean, that dog was doing slam dunks.
Yep. Did you hear her rap? It was like jigging.
Yeah. Have you met the dog? It was like, if you put down a cardboard box flat, it starts to break down.
It's the best. It's the best black dog.
Yeah. Anyway, go ahead.
No, but my dog will sit there, right? And she'll stare at the hallway, creeped out all the time. Dogs have senses.
And then this morning, I looked up from eggs and looked back down, and a vision went by. Let me describe it to you.
Please, please. Let me close my eyes.
Tall, lanky, long, like shitty, wispy hair. It sounds like, okay.
Okay. And it's awkward, and it kind of hunches when it walks so it has like a very like forward hunch almost like um uh it was arish affair oh yeah he was there yeah he was it was that already he just slept over oh i see yeah he was just going because the hunch yeah and the way you okay exactly yeah yeah slept over no but no demon go back to the demon demon demon long like one of the tree people you know the tree people that have long like daddy long legs like Lord of the Rings tree people yeah the tree people long honestly I have no idea what those people look like oh you never saw it you know I don't know Lord of the Rings so anyways long Slenderman Slenderman yeah Slenderman there's two different the Slenderman and the Slenderman more Slenderman is my accountant Slenderman.
There's two different. The Slenderman and the Slenderman.
More Slenderman is my accountant.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

He's your business manager.

So my accountant, was that your?

Yeah, he was there.

Oh, I see.

And he kept walking to the house and he goes,

you have to do your taxes.

Oh.

He's always at my house doing that shit.

Yeah, yeah.

So I saw a vision of the body going through the hallway

and I got goose.

Do you call them goose pimples or goose bumps?

Bumps. You say bumps, bumps.
What do you say um what i've never gotten them you've never gotten goosebumps before never our skin doesn't do it asian skin doesn't goose bump no we don't do shock you don't do you guys duck bump we don't have awakenings you guys duck bump we goose bump you duck bump yeah no i do i get fucking goosebumps as big as coconut balls what is it coconut balls you mean a coconut i just woke up so you know when i just woke up i don't know what i'm like yeah i get goosebumps as big as coconut coconuts no but i get them i mean when's the last time i had a goose bump when's the last time you got people cheer yeah dude i'm getting it right now yeah that worked coconut balls whoa yeah or when i i have a spiritual awakening give me one did you have one recently i went at a spiritual awakening in um many many years but you know i had one when i was the biggest well let's talk about later but i never shared it but i had the craziest where I went. This is where I went Coincidences At all and this is what this is the Lord's work Hmm.
This is the Lord's work and I could share but anyway tell me to go back to the thing I'd rather you share it right now. You're deep in the middle.
You're talking about a demon your house. Let's go there Okay, all right.
So more slenderman was in the house more slenderman walking through the house right filthy floors he hated hated the house it was dirty it was we didn't clean but I immediately got this feeling in the pit of my stomach that someone had died in the house so I texted my real estate agent and I said did anybody ever pass away yeah in this home he blocked my number whoa Whoa. So what that means to me is he killed someone in the house while he was selling it.
What I think was, this is my brain, he was showing the house, someone was criticizing it. You know when you go through a house and you're like, I don't like the fixtures.
This door seems a little, he couldn't do it anymore. Well, I was at your house last night.
Yeah, we had a little mini get together. It was a great get together.
I ran into people that I hadn't seen in a long time. Nick Kreis.
Nick Kreis, yeah. And then, dude.
And I'm kind of mad at you. Why? In fact, I'm furious.
What did I do? Because, you know that kid, Matt? Yeah. He did Fairfax? Yeah.
You know him, right? Yes, yeah, he's a good friend. All right, so check it out, dude.
Last time I was like, he goes, yeah, and i offered you that thing he did yeah on fairfax yeah he offered you a role on an animated and i go wait it's you yeah matt because i've known matt but when you called me and said do fairfax you never said it was him i'm sure i did no you didn't you just gave me what the money was and i said no well that's right yeah you said no to the money i'm sure if he was if he reached out though i would have done it here's what it sounded like boys it sounded like this hey my buddy matt is making this show called fair fact that's actually a cool show on amazon it's an animated show and it's offering you x amount of dollars that's what i said what you heard was 800 that's what i heard yeah you heard charlie but you said you know the chubby cheek guy with the glasses yeah the Jack Osborne-y chubby cheek guy with the glasses I would have been oh have him call me well that was the second time I had to push you so you great party another thing I saw was oh you had some you walk in you go okay this is andrew santino's private mini party elite only no elite only right in my mind yeah it should have been i was driving up to your house i was like who's gonna be there right chris pratt right yeah you know i mean some of the some other guy he was cleaning the pool he was yeah anyway i walk in and i'm like oh that's pretty good that's pretty good that's some producers there some high tech but then you had mixed in with it borderline homeless yeah well when you refer to that you're talking about McComb oh it's not fancy well here's the deal it's not elite we needed someone to get ice he goes dad do you mind if i stop by and i said you can be there for 15 minutes yeah i said drop off the ice 15 minutes then you gotta go but the worst person that showed up by far let me guess go ahead one two three carlos obviously and here's what why why why no i'm gonna tell you i know you think i'm kidding around he tried to hook up with my wife twice hit on on her two times, drunk as fuck, dropped multiple shit on the ground. I picked it up.
I picked it up. Barely, barely.
Dude, and here's the funniest part. Late at night, I'm not making any of this up.
There's a bag of Tostitos chips, right? Yeah. I hear from the fucking other room.
And then I go in. this fucking lunatic like tyrannosaurus rex is shuffling i mean look a handful of chips he's crunched him and yeah inhale him like a pig and he's spilling all over the floor yeah and i go dude one at a time yeah one at a time and he goes as a hy Yeah.
Right? So it's like the crunching. Look, go like this with your hand.
Yeah. So he's digging in there and he's crunching them into his little mouth.
And I was like, buddy, one chip at a time. That's not going.
They're not going anywhere. Yeah.
They're your chips. And those chips.
What did you say? What was your response? I don't remember. I just was trying to get them all in at once.
That's what you said. That's what I said.
That's insane. What are you doing? Oh, so if the chips were closer to the mouth, they start whittling away because of his breath.
Oh, my God. They jump off.
The chips are like, you know what I mean? They just, no. No.
It's insane. Yeah, dude.
He was shoveling. I'm sorry.
No. You're a good guy, but your breath, come on on.
And on top of that, on top of that, so little patio. We have a nice little patio.
Beautiful patio. Everyone's hanging out.
I put out, in the case that there might be bugs, just little spindles with little thing. You light it and it's for bug, you know, bug off, like little off candle.
Andrew, I swear this will. Time out.
You shut your mouth. This guy uses it as an ashtray dude bobby bobby you might as well just ask it in that baby's head there's a baby there oh no no it gets worse hold on hold on let me get to that part not only to use the off candle thing as an ashtray he's smoking sharing cigarettes yeah dude next to my buddy's pregnant wife Yeah, dude.
Lunatic. Lunatic.
You're a lunatic. It was a joint.
Yeah. Yeah.
No, you smoked a cigarette. Then you guys smoked joints.
Then you smoked more cigarettes. Next time, if you're going to bring Mexicans, bring the darker skinned ones.
That's right. Because these lighter skinned ones, they're arrogant.
Well, you know what else? And they think they're above it. And he didn't even help to clean up, which, you know, a darker Mexican would have definitely done.
They would have done it. And they would have also built a gazebo and helped with the fence.
Dude, ripping butts next to my buddy's pregnant wife. And I mean, huffing down cigarettes.
They took no breaks. It was chain smoking weed and cigarettes.
How long, honestly, though? Because I left, I was there for an hour, maybe. You were there for an hour and a half.
How long? Three hours. And be honest, was Carlos there for? All night.
One of the last ones to leave. To midnight.
Yeah, midnight, 30. Yeah, one of the last ones to leave.
When did McCone leave? In my mind, he was never there. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But his physical presence, he was around the same time. They left together because, you know, these two are up to no good together all the time.
Did most of the people stay? A lot of people. Okay, cool.
A lot of the people had to kick it. And also, you know, people that wanted to stay late to talk to the old lady was nice and what did we do by the way you want to talk about a dual halloween birthday party we served ramen for you that's true that i was wondering why there's so much ramen here for you we had homemade rum did you get some homemade ramen that was good it's really good you made home we make the we make the broth from scratch and then we get the fresh noodles from the market.
Wow. Is it good? I mean, it was so good.
You didn't have any? He already ate. No, no.
You know what he ate before that? What? Ramen. Well, if I knew that you were going to have ramen, I wouldn't have gotten the ramen.
I just assumed you said, I'm probably going to go to dinner, and I thought, well, fine. He's going to go to dinner.
Why? It was friends. Anyway, my point is, okay, so back to the, And then you said Slenderman, and then what else?

You look good, Barbie.

Okay, thank you.

Honestly, when I see you, I realize why I'm in love with you.

Thank you. Come on, Barbie.

Let's go party.

Do you know that song that I'm singing?

No, but I don't want to know.

But I don't want to know it.

Look it up.

Who sung that?

You don't know this song?

I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world.

Life is plastic.

It's fantastic.

Vote for Trump 2020 for to get him back.

Is that the lyrics?

Yes.

We should vote for Trump.

And who sings it?

Barbie.

Aqua.

Zoom into the lyrics and let me see if I can get this.

Hiya, Barbie. Oh, is that the part of the lyrics? I'm saying it to you it's the beginning of the song hiya barbie oh let's do this as a dialogue well we're trying right now i'm trying to all right all right okay hiya barbie i can you want to go for a ride sure can jump in i'm a barbie girl okay listen to the beat oh i thought I was just doing the dialogue still No that's the song I'm a Barbie girl In a Barbie world Life in plastic It's fantastic You can brush my hair Undress me anywhere Imagination Life is your creation Very good dude that's very very good Okay Come on Barbie let's go party And then you have to go like this Ready Come on Barbie let's go party What was that That was a real orgasm dude Did you really just pop one that's a real orgasm dude come on Barbie?

Let's go party

Is that what you sound like when you shoot yeah, dude?

You don't like it. I do not much.
I do not but I'm not the girl so it doesn't matter

Well, what I do is I give them that little plug earplugs. Oh, so they can't hear you

I put them in right when I'm about to come oh put them in

Do you know what Carlos said to me last night no No joke. Hey, man, this area, this area that you live in has a ton of good prostitution spots.
Oh, my God. Did you say that? Am I making that up or not? No, I did say it.
It's in the suburbs. It's the valley.
Yeah. But he literally goes, this is a hotbed of prostitution spots.
Did you say that or not? I did. I did.
I did say that. Okay, so don't make it sound like you didn't say that.
No, I was embarrassed of my words, that's why. You said it to the entire party.
Well, I was just trying to tell you and some guys-

Everybody heard! Andrew, I gotta tell you, I woke up and I was like, oh no. I know, you don't remember what happened last night.

No, I remember a little bit and I was like, oh no. I'm calling you right now, let me see how you react.

Blum, blum, blum, blum, blum, blum, blum.

Bob. I haven't picked up yet.
I know, I just like to talk to you. Bl.
Hello? Bob. Carlos.
Wait, wait, wait. What? Who is this? You don't have caller ID? It's me.
No, I just... Andrew? Yeah.
Okay, Carlos left my house last night drunk. He sucked your house? What? You said Carlos sucked your house last night? I gotta go.
I know. Is that your cousin's girlfriend? Was that your cousin's girlfriend? He doesn't have a girlfriend.
Who's that girl, though, then? She was a single girl. There's just girls that were there.
There's people that were there. Yeah, she's pretty cute no but who is she you're interested who is she though well i'm not telling you on air okay but i mean are you interested there was something about her eyes i like the eyes too what the eyes were i like when women's eyes are close together yes this is interesting i always date girls with cross eyes and close together what do you mean she doesn't eyes.
They're like, you know what she told me? She's never been in a relationship in her whole life. God bless.
She really? Are we talking about the same person? Yeah, close eyes. Well, first of all, Carlos was talking to a plant for like three quarters of a day.
All right. Anyway, can I talk about the Spiritual Awakening Network? Please.
I've been waiting. I know, but it's not funny.
It doesn't matter. But I want you to ask questions.
You bet I will. Okay.
I'll do it as quick as I can because I don't want to bore the audience. Okay.
Because it's not like there's no comedy. Well, the buildup is killing me, so please do it.
I'll start. Okay.
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So a long time ago, when I was 17 years old, I got sober. Yeah.
Well. That's it.
What do you guys think? I'm kidding. No.
So I got sober, and I was very active in local San Diego recovery scene, right? I had a sponsor you know and all that stuff right and so then after about five years i fucking quit going to meetings right right and i started doing stand-up because it filled my heart right and then i just it got to the point where years went by and i didn't know anybody from the thing anymore from what thing oh from the recovery or anything i didn't have a single number i didn't nobody hadn't been to a meeting many many years and then when i was 30 when i had almost 13 years of sobriety when did i relapse when i was on that tv yeah that was the first time you relapsed that's the first time right right so and i went but that was an opiates run that's bad i had a had a Vicodin addiction. Pills are so bad.
So bad. It was fucking bad, dude.
At one point, how many Vicodin pills were you taking a day? Do you remember? Probably anywhere 40 to 60. In a day? Yeah.
They said Brett Favre takes that. I do Brett Favre's numbers.
I've hung out with him. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He does. I can throw a football.
He's always like, come on, man, take one.

You're like, Favre, chill out, dude.

I was taking a lot.

40 is insane.

And there was this sketch guy.

I can't see his name.

No, don't.

But he's like a 500-pound Mexican dude.

Fluffy?

No, who also does sketch comedy.

Gabriel Iglesias.

No, no, it wasn't Gabe, right?

Was doing opioids with you?

Yeah, and he would like, I lived on Sanborn. I remember Sanborn.
Right, and and I would look out the window and he would just roll down the hill here I come and he had fucking bags of pills Joey Diaz I almost died and then what happened was I went through a withdrawal that you wouldn't believe and I went to a hospital in San Diego and I was desperate I was dying dude and what they did was they Abby my manager she booked me at a place called the optimum optimum health institute it wasn't a fucking rehab it was a it was a wheatgrass farm oh my, my God. So I show up.

I'm detoxing alpha-vicodin, and I'm in a room.

Abby has a room next to me.

Is she really into wheatgrass?

No.

She's like, I want to lose weight, and so you can detox here,

but I can also lose weight.

She was shoehorning her weight loss into your fucking rehab.

So check it out.

I'm at the Optum Health Institute.

I wake up.

I'm shaking.

I'm going through. They don't have pills or nothing.
Right right and then they're drinking you get weak rest for lunch is that dangerous can't you die i could have died yeah right and also i need recovery i need to go to a meeting right and i was desperate dude i was are you bored no i said niche stop doing the boardage yeah i don't like the boardage i'm sorry is boring? No not at all Here's the spiritual awakening part It's fun for me Oh yeah Here's the spiritual awakening So one night I go I need to go to meet She goes This is not a recovery place I go Why am I here? Right And so I go I go Give me money She goes Why? I need money Give me money So she gave me like 40 bucks She goes Why? I go I'm gonna leave this place tonight At 1130 I'm gonna going to hop over the fence. I'm going to round.
It was in San Diego. I was going to run down this hill.
It was probably like a quarter of a mile this hill, right? And I know that there's an in and out. Because I'm from San Diego.
Yeah. Around there.
There is one down there. So I run down this hill, right? And I go to the in and out.
And it was like. All they had was wheatgrass? I ate you know a hamburger and then I went there was a Vons next door and also what I go to the Vons there's always a Vons next to In-N-Out yeah and it's 24 hours right yeah always and I was also like crying desperate I was desperate I was praying to God when I was running like I need help yeah i feel lost and so um this is gonna sound

so cheesy no i like it barbie come on okay hi i'm back so here so i'm at the vons and i go you know what i'm getting an apple oh no what guess and adam came out and you were eve and you started

no

I thought that was

what

and nothing to do Bible those are biblical. Oh cool.
Yeah. Yeah I didn't think so at all.
So all right. So here.
This is the cheesy part. What kind of apple? For me, I like last I like lax and superb.
I would have I would imagine Fiji for, Fiji. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Red Delicious is good. Oh, so good.
Golden Delicious are so good. They're very good.
Anyway, can we move on? Washington, there's so many. So I pick up an apple, right? And I hear, Bobby? The apple is talking to you? No.
Oh. What? Yeah.
Yeah. No.
And I turn around, and there's a dude right behind me and he seems familiar you know him but you don't remember yeah it's been a while like i it was a teacher of my older man and he goes it's me will smith no okay some random guy named Some random guy. Yeah.
And I go, dude, you were my first sponsor. You know what I mean? When I was 16, you know what I mean? Whoa.
And he goes, yeah, dude. He goes, what are you doing here? I go, I relapsed and then I took a Vicodin and then I ran down the hill.
I told him the whole story, right?

And I go, what are you doing here? He goes, I was speaking at an A meeting in Arizona

and I was driving back.

Wow.

And I'm on the freeway

and I'm like, something told me to come here.

I swear to God.

Shut up.

I swear to God, he says this.

Whoa.

And he goes, and he goes,

and I walk in and there you are.

And I go. How you like them apples? He didn't say that.
It's not. Sorry.
He could have though. Yeah.
And then he goes, I have all your, like, you want to call, I have everyone's number from all the numbers I lost in the past. Right.
So I got, you know, Dan, old man Dan, or Dan, Dan, right. And I got all these guys' numbers.
And then that week, everyone picked me up at the Optimum Health Institute. To get you back.
To go to take me to meetings. It was a very essential part of that.
And I stayed sober for 17 years after that. That worked.
But to me, that felt like a spiritual awakening. That is very deep.
That is an actual spirit. It's probably coincidence i don't believe so i've never asked you this do you believe that things happen for a reason like it's sort of like pre-planned uh destiny destiny or do you think it's just random chaos you know what i mean and it's tough.
What do you think? It's tough for me.

What do you mean?

Because my answer is going to sound annoying.

I want to know for real.

Well, it's going to be annoying.

Can I take this out? It's really bothering me.

No, you look so pretty.

I know my kids can't do it.

Well, the hat, but please leave the hair.

No, it bothers me.

I'll leave the hair.

You look so pretty.

You look so pretty with it.

I actually looked at you a few times,

and I thought, you sexy little Korean chick.

That would be great.

What's your name?

Tutuine. Oh, Tutuine.
Where are you from? Oak Island. Hook Island? Oak.
Oak? Like oak trees? No. What, no? Oak, my back.
Oh, Oak, my back. Oh, Oak, my back island.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, so what do you believe? I believe that there is a part, there is things that are out of our control that I'm not saying it was supposed to happen, but I do think you do things in life that lead you to where you're definitely supposed to go.
We were supposed to do this show, and it was kind of unbeknownst to us. you do believe that a little bit that it was that that when we met that day at the store and became friendly with each other years and years ago the universe was like these energies will meet again wow and i do kind of believe that i don't know why i i'm not saying like we're destined to have a huge podcast and go and tour.
No, I'm just saying, I believe that the universe wanted us to continue to come back together. And just like partially, if I'm going to be honest, I think the universe wanted me to be there for you and you to be there for me for my reasons, for your reasons.
Me kind of helping you get sober again or this show kind of reinvigorated a part of you as a comedian and as a person and I don't know and then you for me get more balanced I understand that but then how do you explain the kids that die in like no I'm not gonna say like in Darfur they're born with HIV it's a war torn country they die as baby I mean what is their destiny what do you mean they they met i mean did they have a desk i know but that was their destiny yeah to be born with hiv to die in a war of course not no of course not no i think that i think um i think that like i said it's not no one's life is like perfectly mapped out but i think that when things happen in your life sometimes it's out of your control and life is a mystery life is a mystery um but no why do kids get that's why that's why i don't believe in one omnipotent being right why would you give children cancer that's insane yeah i believe when i die i'm gonna open my eyes and i'm gonna be in some sort of machine, right? And it's going to open up, right? And I'm going to have a bunch of people I kind of vaguely know. They're going to go, that was fun, right? Oh, that's cool.
And I'm going to go up and I go, whoa. And I'm going to be at some sort of arcade in the future.
Yeah. Like, dude, that was only three spectics.
So they played you. It's their money.
Spectics. Spectic.
I go, spectic, that's our money, right? Yeah, dude. Yeah, you cost.
You want to do, because you did the fat Korean comedy one. Yeah.
You got to check out this other one. It's so much more fun.
The one that's successful. You could be Tom Hardy.
I go, oh, there's a Tom Hardy. Yeah, but that's 40 spectics.
I don't have 40 spectics I go oh my god and I'm gonna look at my body I'm gonna be like 9 foot 9 that's how tall I am doubt it yeah for their I'm 7 foot 3 but everyone else is 9 that's right right right right and I'm not even I'm speaking a different language I'm like spectic you know what I mean? And I'm going to realize, oh, shit. I wash dishes at this truck stop in space.
Right? And I just, I'm going to realize the three spectics that I spent, right, was my month worth of- Month. A month of- Life.
That was your lifetime. My life savings.
Back to the dishes. And then my mom's like, why did I pick the fat Korean ride? Imagine you're a beautiful, handsome, like, male model in that other world.
Yeah. You pick this body and this thing because you thought it'd be funny to be a comedian.
Then you go back to watching dishes and you realize the whole time you'd rather be a hot guy that watches dishes in space. Right.
Than pay three spectics to be a Bobby Lee. Yeah, but it'd be interesting.
I think that's what's going to happen. I'm kidding.
I would pay so many spectics to be you you're worth all the spectics well if if everyone's life is a ride like let's see how much spectics it would be yeah like like Carlos's ride you know the ones at you we're future people we're aliens or whatever we're at an arcade that has this thing you know that you know the rides at Six Flags that do just like 80 loops in a row? Yeah. Mine's scared straight.

Like if you're in trouble,

you're a teenager in space.

Oh, right.

They make you be me on Earth.

If you were a roller coaster.

They're going to wake up.

They're going to die.

Oh, wow.

Glory holes are bad.

You're right.

They'll learn something.

If they did your ride at the arcade.

Oh, okay, okay, yeah.

Are we on the right comedy?

Frequency?

Frequency, dude.

Oh, my gosh.

He's not.

You know why?

Because he's hungover

and he's guilty about what he did last.

Thank you. If they did your ride at the arcade.
Okay, okay, yeah. Are we on the right comedy frequency? Frequency, dude.
Oh, my gosh. He's not.
You know why? Because he's hungover, and he's guilty about what he did last. No, I had a burger.
I've been drinking water all day. What did you do when you left my house? I woke up the next morning.
Where did you go? Did you go get food? No, I went home. I didn't.
You didn't go through a drive-thru? No. What do you think is going to happen when you die? Don't give me heaven.
Give me something else. I don't, heaven.
I don't fucking. When you die, what's going to happen?

Nothingness?

No, I think I'm reincarnated.

I believe in reincarnation.

Into what?

I come back.

I mean, this time, I kind of know.

A grasshopper.

Holy shit.

I'll tell you why.

When I was a kid.

Wow.

Kids were killing grasshoppers in the neighborhood.

What kind of fucked up kids were you hanging out with?

I went to a terminally mentally challenged school. these kids were killing grasshoppers and i stopped someone from doing it and he was like why i was like i don't know i don't like it i didn't like it and i thought that's gonna be me someday and something's gonna save me wow and the universe paid itself off that day wow there was weirdo in our neighborhood who used to remind me he'd go catch fish down by the water and he'd throw them against the wall.
What a fucking asshole. Dude, I remember the first time I saw it and I was like, he's going to kill people when he gets big.
He'll kill people. He would just throw a fish against the wall.
Yeah. And he was so crazy, but no one could say anything because he would have beat the shit out of us.
He was huge. He was like a fat, one eye was lower than the other one.
He was like a fat goon. And he would catch fish and be like, and he would huck it against the wall.
Dude. And we were all so scared to say anything.
Imagine if that happened to us. We get dragged into water, and a fish throws us against the fucking coral reef.
That's what you'd get. I'm already drowning.
I hope that's what he would get. That's why reincarnation is real.
Wow, real whoa dude i think so i think i'm coming back as a grasshopper what would you think would happen because i i indirectly killed a bird dude that's weird you said that i thought i think you'd come back as a bird but a flightless bird whoa like a what do you call it you're a dodo something a flamingo just a dodo a dodo what's it don't call me that A duck. You're a dodo dodo bird no he's a dodo this is a hundred percent of bobby lee that's not you that's a hundred percent i guess that is me look at that that's me i just woke up as three look at that yeah and look at how happy oh he's so happy that is bobby a flightless bird the only reason they say these survived so long is because there was no predators.
Really? Nobody wanted to eat it. Wow.
But where are they? They were in Australia, right? They're still alive. I don't think there's a lot left.
They're still going? Are they still around? Extinct. Dota became extinct less than 80 years later because of the deforestation, hunting, and destruction there.
Yeah, so they did die out. We could bring them back.
They've got to be able to bring these things back. Imagine all the things, man, that we fucked extinct.
Well, dinosaurs weren't our fault. I know, but after that, man...
What things do we extinct? Well, I know there's like two snow leopards left. No, there's more than two.
How many snow leopards are out there there's six seven thousand not bad dude for a species of animal four thousand is not that good that's not a good number okay boston was about that like four five thousand people that was a lot of snow leopards in that the boston the arena that or the theater we played in boston you tell me if those were all snow leopards you wouldn't be like like, that's a fuckload of snow leopards. Let me think.
Yeah. Spread across the world, though? Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lot. That's a lot.
Too many. Plenty.
This is the animals humans have killed off. The stellar sea cow, which is also Carlos's mom.
Burn. You've met my mom.
What'd you say? You've met my mom. I know.
I love your mom. I want to hook up with her.
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Vroom.com. I got to gotta be honest with you most of these animals that we've extinct were pretty unattractive it's like we killed all the ugly ones and kept the cute ones but why like you know you know people get killed for like tusks it's if you're an animal with a tusk yeah right or horns or any of that kind of stuff you're pretty fucked huh no no what do you mean well i mean that's why people got why that's why people killed them for like hey look what i got not all of them you know people took elephant tusks for ivory because it was a it was a tradable good i'm not saying well i mean what what do they use ivory for huh what do you use ivory for well it used to be piano keys for one thing but ivory can be used for a my things.
Countertops, tables. I mean, figurines.
That's why they killed them? Jewelry, piano keys. Wow.
Yeah. That's insane.
I mean, chess sets. You ever played chess with ivory chess pieces? Oh, buddy.
Are they nice? Oh. Wow.
Very nice. So interesting.
I've never played chess. A collector's mentality.
People have also been known to use bribe government officials because it's rarer than money or gold. Right go on those hunting expeditions and they get elephant tusks yeah like trump's kids yeah yeah they got to do it right you gotta do it yeah go get me a tusk have you ever been to somebody's house who has like deer antlers on the fucking wall no have you never but i've never thought of it creeps me out yeah i've never seen i've never been to a hunter's lodge yeah why would we go i don't I want to go to a hunter's lodge I mean I've been to that's not true well I've never been to like a guy's house that hunts but I've been to a place to hunt yeah it's interesting people do it and you know they have the half the body of a something something on the wall yeah right no it's usually the head oh it's a head why don't they do humans why don't step stop stop let's just

that's again it the way you asked humans did was something that you've been

thinking about for so long for so long and you were like and you looked at me

like I'm about to bond with Bobby mm-hmm you go humans fuck it that's what

Thank you. For so long.
And you were like, and you looked at me like, I'm about to bond with Bobby. You go, humans? Fuck it, that's what I've been thinking about.
Yeah, but if you died and I had like a Bobby, like your original body, like in my living room, that'd be insanely awesome. What? Like the top of Bobby.
You want to keep his dead body in your living room? Well, I mean, they make it all nice and stuff like they do for the lawnmowers. They make it all nice and stuff? Yeah, they put wax on him.
Do you mean they... Who's they? They petrify him? You're talking about taxidermy? Yeah.
You want a taxidermy Bobby? Just the top. Sticking out of a wall? Like his bust? Yeah, exactly.
But not standing free, it could come out of the wall of the wall like a tv oh cool yeah so when you have people over you're like that's my old buddy bobby yeah and what expression do i have let me guess let me was your friend taking a shit when he died no no he's asian yeah he's asian if you had the bust of me in your house what would my expression be very stoic and serious also look like i'm taking a shit yeah yeah we both look like we're taking you should do both of us then yeah next to each other yeah those are the bad friends yeah let me be honest you just poked a little bit of the southerness out of you when he said that. Because you know he's been waiting to be like,

don't you guys think slavery is not that bad?

You know what I mean? He says stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You know he says stuff like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's deep inside.

No, I'm not pro-slavery.

What about...

Sounds like there's a butt coming after that.

What about formaldehyde?

If you put me in a tuxedo and a top hat,

and I'm just floating in formaldehyde, is that creepy? They they don't you don't float it they dip you in it well so what's the stuff that they put with the frogs they put in the jar like an Independence Day well yeah they put a jar and there's that liquid what's that liquid in the jar that might be formaldehyde that's what I'm saying I don't think you could float in that I think when they do that they put but they put it inside of your body look up I thinkdehyde inside of your body to preserve it. But Bobby wants to be in a jar.
Like Disney? Like Walt Disney's head? Yeah. Well, he's cryogenically frozen.
Isn't he frozen? I thought they put him in jars. There we go, dude.
There we go. Go to the head.
Well, that's just Halloween. Oh, there I am.
That's at a Portuguese university and it's well preserved. See, this is perfect.
That kind of looks like you. I know, dude.
So doing that, but my whole body. I don't know if that's a good idea, dude.
And this would be y'all, too. Oh, cute.
You wouldn't want that whole body? Imagine how weird your penis looks floating in a jar with you. Oh, that's right.
You know, I think about that all the time. You know how people say they slip in the shower and they die You know that happens a lot like a slip in the tub And I think I would Please God don't let me slip in the shower and die Because they see you What do you mean? And you're wet with your little penis is wet And it's tiny because you're in the shower Like your little wet penis and you're dead That's why I got rid of my fungus because you don't want to die my left foot remember I had a fungus on my yeah it's all gone but the reason with my biggest fear was if I died and they had to identify my body my brother would be like yeah that's him look at the foot look at his foot I gotta get rid of that you gotta get rid of it like my dick why do you care about your dick after you're dead listen what i'm saying is i'll tell you i used to have a joke about it but i wanted to die with clothes on because it genuinely scares me because paramedics are going to come in the room and they're going to go dude no they're not yeah they are no they're gonna wait santino if it was a murder scene no right but if it was just i had a heart attack they're gonna laugh they laugh.
They're going to go, dude, that's the bad friends guy. Look at his little naked wet penis.
Like if I had to identify your body, you know, the unzip. Yeah.
And they look at your face, right? You know how the unzip? No, no, no. I'm going to go, can you zip it further down? No, not you.
I want to do it. I'm saying the paramedics walk in, the coroner walks in, and they go, don't touch it.
You know, we're trying to leave the body alone until go. And they all get in there, and they're looking at me in the shower, and the water's running, and I'm wet, and my penis is tiny resting against my balls, and I'm dead.
And you know one of them is going to go, it's not even that cold in here. You think those guys don't make jokes sometimes? If it a murder scene no but if it's just a regular death you don't think those guys make some kind this is how do you deal with this is what i would do this is what i would do yeah i'd see your body i would look at your head i'd go oh fuck i'm a huge fan and i would look down i'd go see yeah exactly yes it's a little yes everybody's penis is gross and water right right when you get out of the shower yeah Unless you're like, exactly.
Yes. Just a little.
Yes. Everybody's penis is gross in water.
Right, right. When you get out of the shower, unless you're hooking up and you have a heart on, when you just get out of the shower, your penis is so weird and wet and sad.
You know what? It looks like one of the extinct animals that we had. One of those little weird extinct animals.
Yeah, yeah. It's gross, dude.
You look at your penis after you take a shower, huh? i'm looking at it the whole time right i'm trying to kiss it yeah i've been doing stretches that's why i hurt my back my dick though it goes if i pull it out right now don't even see it i'm not going to but it's in my body oh it goes all the way in it's the whole thing just goes in my body do you know why you're you know why it does that why it wants to stay warm it gets closer to gets closer to the warmth. Is that why? Yeah, it squiggles in.
That's why your balls go upstairs when you're in cold water. I stole.
You stole? I stole your wife's joke. What? I stole it.
What joke? With the little people. Oh, my God.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said it on a podcast.
That's okay. And I didn't give her credit.
credit that's okay i just feel like i was a thief that's nice that joke was so good yeah that was my wife it got a huge laugh what pod i don't i'm trying to think about what but i remember thinking when i said it i was like oh my god what am i mencia but i was like i but i was like oh i have to tell them that i i said that yeah they don't want you guys You know what I mean? That's okay. But that's nice to say that to the audience.
I mean, this will never cross paths, but- Tell people the joke. You tell people the joke.
You're the one that told it. Well, your wife didn't tell the joke.
She just made an observation at that. Which was a joke.
That was very funny. Yeah, it was a joke.
Yeah. And somebody proposed, you know, little people have bad breath.
Yeah.

And then your writers proposed,

it's because their assholes are closer to their mouth.

Their esophagus is so short.

And when she said that, I was like,

dude, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

It's a very good joke.

She knocked that one.

That's a home run. That was a very good one.

Fucking so funny.

Very good one.

I got to tell you, we have... Never mind.
Let's just say it. There's a little people couple in our neighborhood and they went trick or treating last year.
And they went as full size people. They wore stilts.
That's clever. No, they didn't do that.
I'm kidding. I was like, that's genius.
No, they didn't do that. Wow no they didn't do that i was like that's genius no they didn't do wow they didn't do that but i am i am excited to to feed the little kids candy because i love i get excited in fact anybody who doesn't decorate their house if you live in a neighborhood where kids come through right well you're in the hills no one's going to come up in the hills but if you live in the flats if you live in the neighborhood that's not hard to get to, and you don't decorate the house a little bit, and you don't hand out candy, you're a piece of shit person.
And I mean- Yeah, I agree. You're a piece of shit.
Because I remember what it felt like when I was a kid, and we would go to houses that were decorated, and it felt like what a fucking cool, weird night where people you never met before open up their home, and they give you candy. And we're all in this together.
It's like a mob mentality, but for good. And then there's people I remember, houses that never turned all the lights off and they never decorated and there was no candy.
And I wanted to fucking break all their windows. Right.
And we'd egg those houses. When I was a teenager, we'd egg the dark houses.
If you didn't decorate, you got egged. And I think today, kids should be doing that.
i think you should be egging houses that don't decorate you know what i would do smoke meth no i would i dress up too right and when they bring my doorbell and i open it they go trick-or-treat you know what i'd go i'd be like i'd have my own basket i'd go trick-or-treat oh nice yeahse psychology. And then they would have to give me their candy.

Smart.

Smart.

Has that ever been done?

Oh, yeah.

Got to be.

Yeah, yeah.

By a mentally unstable person.

Imagine what Halloween is like in a mental institution.

Oh, right.

Everyone's just going around.

What do you mean?

Imagine a mental institution during Halloween.

Yeah.

They dress up like normal, full-functioning adults.

And they have full conversations like,

how was your 401k, Mark?

They pretend to be totally normal.

That'd be cool, man.

How's your wife and your kids?

That'd be cool.

Oh, dude, there was an old woman in our neighborhood

who used to hand out change.

That's good. This is so mean.
Then the kids, when they would leave, they'd throw it at her house. Oh, they would? Well, it was like pennies.
She'd give you like four pennies. Oh, wow, wow.
So kids would walk down the street and they would throw it at her house. Yeah.
And it was like mean but funny, but like also don't give people pennies. What the fuck? Yeah, or don't put razor blades in the apple.
No, no, apple you got to be way more creative nowadays what do you mean you got to put in something that's a little bit tricky i mean a peanut if you put in a reese's peanut butter cup i got to tell you it lays a tootsie roll you could unwrap that you put a needle in there yeah not a needle but what's fun to put it by the way i think this is i think this is lore how many times did they really find who's taking the time to do this and And also, you're going to be able to find the house. Yeah.
Well, no, you're not because you're getting food with candy. All right, right.
Wow. Let me look at that.
Whoa. See, this is my problem.
Who does that? Somebody did that. They put a nail in a fucking Kit Kat.
Yeah, somebody's a piece of shit. What a piece of shit, dude.
But you know what's crazy? What? That's Carlos. Yeah, Carlos.
Carlos Zeno, caramel apples is here. What's insane is they say, check your kid's candy.
Do you think parents go through all of their kid's candy? That'd be hard to do. No way.
Would you let your kid trick or treat when your kid's old enough? I think so. Because I never had Halloween when I was a kid.
Do you guys don't do anything like that? Now it's universal. But when I was growing up, they had and things like that but it wasn't as fun as Dias de las Muertas that's Mexico oh I love Mexicans this is maybe the dopest version of Halloween that's the coolest so cool what do you call that makeup? the calaveras skulls what is this called in Spain? this do you call that makeup? the calaveras the skulks skulks what is this called in Spain? this is Dia de los Muertos but we don't celebrate it like this Dia de los Muertos the day of the dead? yeah but you don't celebrate anything like that huh? no you think it's because you guys have killed so many people for so many centuries? right you're afraid they'll all come back and fucking kill you? yes this reminds me of Coco i don't know if you saw coco one of my love that movie made me cry of course what do you mean bald if you didn't cry at coco you're that movie made me cry dude i love

coco if you didn't cry at almost every pixar movie you're a fucking weirdo okay what's the

the most you cried at a pixar movie i guess i said i know right now go up the month that's a

month the montage scene in up the beginning yeah it'll break your little fucking heart but the rest of the movie you don't cry but you cry there yeah when his wife died beautiful montage I didn't cry at all for inside out that wasn't a cry for me I didn't cry I didn't cry that I liked it though it was good it was good yeah I didn't cry there and what was what was one with the black guy who's a jazz musician? So Eric Griffin. Yeah So yeah, so do you see that? Yeah, but I didn't make me cry either.
I didn't see it. Is it good? It wasn't good No, it wasn't that good Yeah, Mulan Mulan that's not that's not oh, that's not yeah Mulan, but that's not about Pixar Yeah, they call it Yeah, they call it Pixar.
Turning Red. Turning Red is my documentary.

It's also not Pixar.

Turning Red, is it about Asians who drink?

Yes.

I never saw Turning Red.

You saw that?

The first Asian-led movie is what it is.

The first Asian-led Pixar film?

Yeah, it's Turning...

Yeah.

Is that you, Bob?

Yeah.

And all of the kids got to meet Bobby Lee that day. I did one movie.
It's called Wish Dragon, but I don't think anyone saw it. Show me Wish Dragon.
Wish Dragon. Oh, that's so cute.
Is it all Asian? Yeah. Are you the dragon? No, I'm like a henchman.
Cool. I'm a henchman.
Who plays the dragon? A famous Asian guy? Yeah. At the Jackie Chan.
Really? I think so. He can barely speak English.
What does that say? There you are. That's you playing the henchman.
Oh, is that you, Bobby? Oh, Constance Wu, Jimmy O. Yang, John Cho.
Oh, that's great. Yeah, yeah.
I mean, that must have made some good money, huh? I've never heard of this. Is it not out? Maybe it's not out.
It's out. It's been out for years.
Fuck you, man. You never heard of that? Hey, Box Office Mojo.
And I watch everything. It's bad.
Box Office Mojo, that movie. Dragon, whatever.
Wish Dragon, Box Office Mojo. Let's check it out.

It made 21 million.

Holy shit, that's bad.

That movie probably cost like 300 million to make.

I know, it was bad.

Whoa.

It was bad.

Wait, 21 million?

There was never a United States release.

Right.

They only put it there. They only streamed it.

We'll do Wish Dragon budget.

Why?

I play a henchman. Who gives a shit? It's not shit it's not your fault do nothing well they lost four million bucks no plus all the market to him right so they lost 50 million bucks dude can you imagine being part of a production company that's a great rating though 68 70 it's really good yeah yeah can you imagine being the production company and they're like this is going to be it it's going to to be this beautiful animated Asian movie where it's going to crush.
Yeah. And then they're like, we lost 50 million.
It's funny. You know, you have literally no control.
Like when you get stuff like that. No control.
You get it. You go, me? I hope it works.
You want me? And then you dream. Yeah.
You know, you kind of go, oh, this is going to be it. And then I'm going to do other things.
This is going to be my Ted Lasso. It never.
It's always like that. and then you're.
Yeah. You kind of go, oh, this is going to be it and then I'm going to do other things.
This is going to be my Ted Lasso. Yeah, but it never, it's always like that and then you're like, oh, I'm way back in line.
Yeah, I'm back where I belong. And a couple years later you get something else and then you go back in line.
It's really, when people hit a home run out front, no, people do though. Yeah, it almost never happens.
Yeah, I know. The point is it almost never happens.
But people, yes. You know who I think is going to hit a home run soon? Who? Fancy.
Oh, yeah. I actually think something's coming for him.
You know why? This universal thing? I swear to God, I feel like something's coming. But what I do want to say that I'm not happy about is this SOS VHS and how we deserve residuals for it.
You know, it's... He started it on the heels of this place.
He's utilizing all of us. On my back.
On our back. You started it on my back, dog.
And also on- Have we gotten paid for that? Do we get paid for that? Did you guys get anything you want? Really? Insane. Okay, give me your wife and kid.
No, no. Are the numbers good? The numbers are okay.
No. You know.
They're good. They're good.
It's good for a guy who literally never did podcasting until he came to us. Right.
You know, some people, you give them a little thing. Give them an inch and they take a mile.
But you. They take the whole empanade.
I've seen you on stage before. Yeah.
Have you seen him at the live shows? Yeah. Do I watch him when we're doing it? No.
And when he walks out, I can see the crowd cheering. Yeah.
And I can see his ego and see his ego and everything. He just gets out like it's a drug.
Yeah. You're addicted to it.
Then why do the S-R-E-A-T? You're projecting. Whoa.
Whoa. Trying to start a fight, dude.
I'm not projecting, dude. Dude, you better leave Barbie alone.
You saw me going to the stage. I'm shaking.
He is a little. With excitement.
No. Yeah.
You know what? George has it. Yeah, George does.
George is sick. George has it.
George wants it. He loves the fame.
What about you, Carlos? You know he loves the fame. He's fucking eating it up.
Yeah. Yeah, that's nice.
Is your Instagram following growing? Yeah. Are you getting a lot of DMs? Because I saw you in Boston.
Remember what I whispered to you? Yeah, it was so weird. What did he say? What I whispered to you on stage.
Do you feel like you're a big deal? No, he said that to me when I grabbed him out of the elevator at the hotel. Do you feel like you're a big deal? No, and then I yelled, you're projecting onto me.
No, no, no. You are a big deal.
You act like you're a big deal. That's so not true, bro.
And so I want to see if your actions correlate with how you feel. But I don't act like I'm a big deal.
I mean, his head is getting bigger for sure. Oh, my gosh.
And this year. Yeah.
You have, like, when you pick us up at the hotel and stuff to go to the venue, you have this when you're walking, this way, guys. And you're like, almost like, get out of the way.
Yeah, I'm trying to do my job well. Important people are coming through.
And when I look at you, I go, just calm down, dude. You're not that big of a deal he's power hungry a little bit dude be honest yeah are you a little power hungry just a tiny bit okay yeah that's okay at least I know just admit it yeah projection see you like it too you think I I'm like not me dude you think me yes I think you Bobby oh well give me an example why I'm power hungry no i think you like power you like fame like no no i know you when i'm at the venues i know i i don't i i'm i'm scared that's so not true oh who acts more of a star him or me i think you you hide in the green room.
That's what shy people do.

Stars do.

That's what the stars do.

Oh, they do?

Yeah.

Yeah, Andrew says hi to like the stagehands.

Will we hide?

I go say hi to everybody.

Yeah.

I want to talk to them.

Yeah.

They're probably, every time I meet a stagehand, I go, are you related to me?

They're probably family members of mine.

Yeah.

As many laborers I have.

What is this video?

Oh, gosh.

It's actually the Bigfoot video. And also, what are we doing? Can we do this? What is this? Oh, yeah.
Well, let's see this real fast. What is this? It's a new Bigfoot video.
It's pretty crazy. Dude, I saw this.
Tell me if you think this is bullshit. I've never seen it.
So this couple from a Colorado train says they captured this, and it's a video of a Bigfoot. Okay.
Now loop it again. Go backwards.
You can see. Look at that.
Oh, wow. It's a Bigfoot.
Shut up, Fancy. Oh shut up fancy oh wow god damn it what do you think i like how they're highlighted like you didn't see it wow what do you think any head down i just i gotta say this if this was coordinated pretty good timing on a moving train going on to colorado because this is far away yeah wow that's not no bigfoot dude but if bigfoot who is that what is that it's like a duncan trussell you think that's dt no but it's like that that type of dude you know those guys that like i'm gonna live in the wild and go do something fucked up that's yeah yeah you know ari shaffir yeah like hairy out there i want to be detached from society i just don't get it that's a hairy thing it's weird you can't really tell but i can't tell dude but it's in the middle of nowhere they did say it's in the middle of nowhere also of all the places that i thought bigfoot would be not in colorado yeah i thought it'd be way up north in canada like and he decides, in open sun, sit in the middle.
He would sit behind a tree or underneath. Why would he do this? Well, he's going to get food or something.
Or maybe take a shit. It is weird.
He does blend in really well. Yeah.
What do we think? Do we think this is real? I've got body dude i gotta see we gotta kill it well we gotta

kill it yeah i gotta kill one and see what if that's what if that what if when jesus came back he came back as bigfoot wow that's how he hit it all these years he's just super evasive he's having fun with us um what is it what is this thing we're gonna do yeah what is this let's do Oh no.

Hey Andrew, hey Bobby.

You been really really really bad friends And now you have to prove that you care about the ones who work so hard for you We have been to glory holes and milk and table for you at least us has. Only one.
Anyway, in front of each of you, there's a collar. Please put it on.
This won't work unless you put it on, so please put it on. I'll wait.
Yeah. Are you gonna put it on? I don't want to be shocked.
Does it hurt? Yeah. Yeah, for sure it hurts.
It's not on. Let me see.
Set it off. It's not on.
It's not on. Macon got the wrong thing, so this is a barking thing.
It doesn't work. It's just out.
Do we believe these fucking guys? No, for real. Macon got the wrong one, so I don't do the remote control.
So how does it work? You have to bark like a dog.

Wait, really?

Put it on and bark.

Oh, you put it on and bark.

Roo!

Roo!

Roo!

Wait, put it on and get your arm.

It has to be against your throat.

Who doesn't know if it's a throat?

Roo!

Roo!

Roo!

Roo!

Roo!

Roo!

Nothing.

This is them fucking with us just making us bark at these collars.

That's so funny. I'll be's so funny.
You fucking asshole. That was good.
That is very fucking. Dude, that's very good.
Fuck you. No, that's good.
You got us. That was embarrassing, dude.
If you fucking do something, Carlos, I'll fucking eat the shit out of you. I'm dead serious, I'll fuck you up.
Fucking dicks.

I want to say something, Carlos.

Yeah, what's up?

I will give you $1,000 in cash

if you just shock him.

There's no remote, I promise you.

I'll give you 10 grand to fucking...

Wait, this is not...

Okay, we're obeying the orders

of this obviously Spanish... I mean, dude, it's so funny when you hear him, he's like, dude.
OK, we're obeying the orders. OK, sorry.
Obviously, Spanish. I mean, dude, it's so funny when you hear him.
He's like, dude, people have done so much for you. Of all the people that speak clear, coherent English at the studio.
I found it to be a lot more menacing. Yeah, with the Spanish accent.
It's a little bit more menacing. All right, let's see the rest of the video.
Is there something that's that's gonna you have to answer two or three questions correctly for every wrong answer you get a shocking surprise ha ha ha ha ha ha ha answer wisely oh okay when did bad friends start what are you wanting to know? What year?

Yes.

Oh, fuck.

No, this is good.

Now I wish we did have the shockers.

2020.

That's right.

Good day.

I don't know.

Yeah.

What is what?

This is just for them to have fun.

Yeah, go.

What is the...

Do it.

In the soft way.

At this point, this has nothing to do with us.

Get it out. my god oh my god you can't get he can't get through it?

What is Carlos' birthday?

Month.

The month, Carlos' birthday month.

April.

I can't hear what he's saying.

No surprise.

Yeah, no shock.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah. What part of Spain is fancy from?

What direction?

Southern.

That's not true.

Okay.

What the?

What the?

What the?

Dude.

Ah!

No. Oh Got it wrong You lost It's not funny dude, you just said that it wasn't on it Happy Halloween!

And thank you for being a bad friend Woo-hoo Yeah

Woo-hoo

Yeah Thank you.