One Million Subscribers & Happy Birthday Andrew

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Hello. Hello.
Hello. I'm Thomas B.
Jefferson the Adams III. And I'm William Randolph's guest on Yes.
The first. The first.
We're coming to Washington, D.C. We are coming to Washington, D.C.
This weekend. October 21st.
Here we are. October 21st.

Here we are.

Here we are.

We're going to be here in D.C. this weekend.

You got to come out and see the boys.

Go to badfriendspod.com.

Next weekend, we're in Denver, then Milwaukee, Chicago, Minneapolis, and then Madison.

But this weekend, Washington, D.C.

Come to Washington, D.C.

Come respect your forefathers.

Go to badfriendspod.com.

Hello, hello.

Badfriendspod.com.

Badfriendspod.com.

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Happy birthday to you, my friend.
Happy birthday to me. And I got you.
I have two presents. I have one coming in the mail.
It hasn't come yet. But I got you one gift.
Sushi? Well, open it. Okay.
Are you going to be real? I hope it's sushi. It's not.
Come on. Oh, dude.
What is it? Open it. Happy birthday, buddy.
What did you get me for my birthday? Did you get me anything? Yeah. I got you one.
That's a lie. No, I literally got you one.
Oh, wow wow you don't like it wow who told you to get this no one you liar a brand new new pro x3 pro x3 something something a brand new rangefinder for the golf course this is so nice yeah it's a nice one huh did you open Why is it not wrapped? I don't know why. They sent it to me that way.
So it's been used. You bought a used range finder.
No, I swear to God I didn't. You bought me a used range finder for my birthday? I think it's right straight from the fucking range finder place.
Is this wish.com? No, I got it from the... I'll give you my receipt.
I don't know why it came that way. This is so cool.
This is like one of the best models. I know.
I got you it. I have another thing better even coming.

Even better than this? Yeah.

Really?

I can't believe it.

Yeah.

Wow.

I can't even believe that this is real right now.

Yeah, dude.

I feel like this is a scam.

It's going to explode on you.

No, no, no, no, no.

Happy birthday, dude.

Thank you, dude.

I love you.

Because, you know, I've never given you anything.

That's right.

And there was a sense of guilt.

There shouldn't be.

And shame.

And-

This is so nice.

Yeah.

And I did some research. You did? Yeah.
I i've never researched it and i usually get like standard shit yeah starbucks card you know what i mean nothing nothing is the most yeah it's my favorite gift to give is nothing brand new nothing from the factory i gotta tell you sometimes a brand new nothing is incredible it's incredible dude and can i say yeah best gift i've gotten in years are you being real i swear to god you wait for the second one though, you're gonna love it. It's incredible, dude.
Can I say? Yeah. Best gift I've gotten in years.

Are you being real?

I swear to God.

You wait for the second one, though.

You're going to love it.

Okay.

Okay, mine.

Okay, let's see what it is.

Ooh, I'm excited for this.

And by the way, in the meantime, we're celebrating our one million subscriber.

Can I just say, though, this?

That's for my golden chicken.

You got me a...

Golden chicken leg.

Is that a fake?

Is it like a toy?

No, it's real.

It's real.

It's a real chicken leg, dude.

Wait, you know where this is from?

Kentucky Fried Chicken?

Jollibee.

Oh no, the Jollibee.

Yeah, Jollibee.

Wait.

He got you a Jollibee?

I didn't cook this.

Okay.

This is Jollibee. Why did you have to touchibee.
I didn't cook this. Okay.
This is Jollibee. Why, did you have to touch it? I have clean hands.
Ooh. Ooh, happy birthday, dude.
Thank you, dude. Yeah.
Oh, so good. Try it.
I'm so good. You think I'm just going to eat a chicken? You came in with one single piece of chicken.
Where was this transported inside of? A bucket. Where's the bucket? There.
Get the bucket. Get the bucket.
We don't trust it. We don't trust it.
Wait, wait, wait. Let me say something.
There's more than one chicken finger in the bucket. He gets one? Give him the bucket.
Give me the bucket. Okay, let me just be honest.
I didn't give you a gift. Yeah, I know.
No shit, man. No shit.
Oh my God. Oh my God.
How dumb do you think I am? This was for the Filipino American ones. Wait! That's how I feel.
That's how I feel about Filipino American. Clean it up, McCone.
Right now. Yeah, yeah.
Get in here and pick up the chicken off the floor. I didn't, first of all, vote for it.
I would have checked no on it. Insane.
Insane, dude. That you didn't get me a gift, and then you brought me a fake offering.
It was a fake offering. A fake offering.
What's in your purse? I have to sanitize. Me too.
Why do you have to sanitize? What were you doing just before? Yeah, what was wrong with the chicken? It's Jollibee. You have to sanitize it.
it. I mean, look at how greasy my fingers are.
I didn't even eat it. Look at my hands.
They're shining. Is the light bouncing off of them? Just throw me the hand sanitizer.
It was embarrassing. Hey, Jules.
Jules, it's embarrassing. That's how greasy it is.
It literally hit me in the hands. What is that? Jollibee napkins? Come on.
Yeah, I'll take that. What company is it from? Chipotle.
Oh, Chipotle. Yeah, those are fine.
Chipotle and Africans are fine. Happy Filipino American month.
Yeah, yeah. Wait, but I bought Filipino snacks.
Oh, you really did? Oh, you did? No. Where? Hold on.
McCone, please get them. So she doesn't keep running out of the room.
This is insane. You could have sat in your chair the whole time.
We could have had someone do it. Why do we hire these people to be at the studio if they're not going to do work? Also, what? I thought the one million celebration fucking episode well it was kind of my birthday but kind of not at all but look at this oh whoa okay here we go oh wow i'll introduce it wait so wait a minute let me make something clear my best friend on earth bobby lee gave me an incredible gift for my birthday which i am genuinely very appreciative of did not get a gift from you or or you or you.
Did I? Did I? Also can I just say this too? Wow. On my birthday we did a fucking.
We did a thing. Bad friends for Bobby Lee birthday thing right? Nothing for my friend here man.
Nothing for me. He's my sidekick.
Is that what I get? I did talk to your wife about what I should get you etc so. And? So it's on the way.
We're good. It's on the way? Wait, wait, wait.
His gift. Bobby's is here.
No, but he has another one on the way. Okay, even better.
He has more to come. You have zero here.
My birthday's like Hanukkah. Every day you get one.
Every day you get one. For the week.
I'm offended. Honestly, I'm mad at all three of you.
Yeah, it's disgraceful. It's disgusting.
Go! Go! What? Oh. Okay.
So these are my favorite I'm mad at all three of you yeah it's it's disgraceful it's disgusting go what oh okay so these are my I want to take a minute to say a million subscribers on YouTube okay happy birthday a million subscribers on YouTube we want to thank the fans so very much for being here for us this is incredible this is such a pinnacle it's a pinnacle in fact I had I ran into a guy today who said to me and i mean this and we do really love the fans we appreciate you guys so much it's been incredible the show boston was unbelievable immense it's been so cool and i will say this about a fan he came up to me and he goes i'm a i'm a patreon i'm a subscriber of the patreon and he goes i gotta tell you i'm a little bummed because i get excited for Mondays but now I see the episodes on Friday and now I feel empty on Monday. So should we do an extra special one for him every Monday? Just for that guy.
Okay. His name is Michael Njok.
Njok? Michael Njok. Njok, okay.
Let's see some of this Filipino-American food you've got for us. Forgetting my birthday.
Okay, so these were my favorite snacks in the Philippines.

Growing up.

Growing up.

Okay.

Pull one at a time.

Just a bag of live bugs.

Are we just going to eat live bugs?

Okay, first one.

Cheese ring.

Cheese ring.

Okay.

Are they onion ring?

Are they like, no, Funyuns?

Funyuns.

Because I know you got to...

Let us open them.

I don't trust you.

You know what a Funyun is?

The onion rings? Forget it. Okay, try this.
Yeah, please. Let's rank them.
Let's look at the packaging and rank it. First of all, is that Japanese? It seems Japanese.
And there's a fucking Swedish girl in the fucking... Is it from Sweden? I don't know why is she so white? cheese flavored snack it's the best you know what they look like I mean why is it so puffed up? I don't know how does it smell? let me smell it.
First smell, a foot comes to mind. That's a foot.
Just try it. That's your favorite food as a kid? Is it mongoose toenail flavor? That's what it smells like.
Mongoose toenail flavor. That is so gross.
I can't eat it. We have to.
Now we have to try one. We can spit it out of the bag.
It's like a fucking. It's a little prolapsed anus.
It's Donald Trump's asshole. Look at that.
It's a little Trump. This is Donald Trump's asshole.
That's a Donald Trump prolapsed anus. And we're going to eat it live on the show.
Yeah. Okay.
Here we go. Let's try one.
He likes it. He actually likes it.
Bro. when it comes to taste and smell.
Let me see.

Completely different.

Okay, so the smell is atrocious.

Don't smell it.

Okay, I'll just hold my nose.

Fantastic.

Yeah, it's pretty good.

I told you, don't throw it away.

I'll keep it.

This is just like the Philippines.

Don't smell it.

You don't?

Just enjoy it.

Kalilah, I never smelled her pussy. Just enjoy you don't just enjoy it i've had kalilah i never smelled her pussy just enjoy it i just ate it really because if you smelled it you want you're out you won't want it these are really good but when you taste it it's like cheesy wow all right next we might get diarrhea though yeah okay next one piatos the sour cream and onion they.
Okay, yeah. Piatos, piatos.
By the way, the company is made by Jack and Jill. Flavored potato chips.
Okay. Smell it first.
Again, dude. Let me smell it first.
Oh, my God. Again, it's like footy.
It's bad? Feet, feet, feet, feet, feet, feet, feet. Oh, my God.
That's even worse than the other one, dude. Are we going to get sick? Is this going to make us sick? Maybe.
Okay, great. Great.
Yeah, this is like a Samoan armpit. Ooh.
Have you ever smelled a Samoan armpit? Of course, dude. I've been to the island.
Yeah. It's like, I don't know.
Try one. You have to try one now.
Also, visually. Yeah, really bad.
Really bad. What? This is terrible.
No design whatsoever. No design whatsoever.
They're like... What shape do you even call this? A pentagon.
A pentaron. A pentaron.
Yeah. This is a pentaron scene.
Pentaron. Yeah, let me taste it.
Let's see. Let's see if it...
Give it a whirl. Is it good? You seem like you're still in the middle of judging if it's good or...
Because the aftertaste means a lot in this kind of stuff. Because I still have it visually, so I'm trying to get that rid of my mind.
It's okay. Okay, it's not bad.
It's okay. It's not bad.
Rate out of 10. Well, the first one I'm going to give.
A three. I'm going to give this a six.
Six, yeah. Okay.
Out of 10. It's average.
It's like been there, done that. Cardboard-y.
Yeah, yeah, cardboard-y. This tastes like what I think a rainbow sandal would taste like.
Yeah, yeah. After like a San Diego bro war.
Right. Three or four years.
Exactly. With a little bit of beach sweat and a little bit of sand in your toes.
This is not good. This one's a three.
Yeah, yeah. And that three is generous.
It's pretty generous. Okay, this one is the best.
Okay. The second best.
Okay. Pillows.
Pillows. Pillows.
Amazing. They just name everything things they wish they had.
Yeah, yeah. What a random thing, right? She's like, next up is blankets and heat.
Yeah. This one's called lamp fixtures.
Have you guys tried electricity? Yeah. All right, here's pillows.
A better bag better bag a better design I like this kind of heavy you know what I mean a heavy rip and pillows is a ube filled cracker smell it first really I like it I like the smell of ube is good for me baby oh this is like that's top notch you can tell by the packaging it's higher end let's see let's eat some yeah we must test yeah yeah three out of ten six out of ten okay let's look at the right it's a square i've never seen something so purple what are we talking the pillow we said the sound of the crunch is very good.

High end crunch.

I don't like it.

You hate it.

Let me try.

I don't like it.

I don't like it.

Wow.

All right.

Let me try a pillow.

There's something inside of it.

I know.

I tasted it.

I don't like it.

You know what this looks like?

What?

It reminds me of what's that?

The cereal.

The shit cereal.

Wheat thin or whatever the shit cereal was.

It looks like that.

What's inside? Oube. ube juice is inside you don't like it there's something about it I don't like it's like perfume in a fucking chip or something I didn't want perfume in the chip you just gave me dracar noir I don't like it.
It's a cool water flavor. Okay.
By the way, this is five. This is below.
It's a five. It's below the cheese.
It's below. This is the top ranking one right so far.
Let's have the next. I think it's the white girl that's in the package.
That's what made me like it so much. I never put a white person in the pocket package.
No, I know. Is this final? This is the final.
This is my favorite. Okay.
I usually eat it with ketchup and rice, but I forgot to bring ketchup. Is this chicharrones? Is that what that is?

What's it called? Chicharrones is pork skins, as you know. Manghuon

chicharrones. Yeah, chicharrones.
I know.

Manghuon. This is the best.

Well, but you guys call them chicharrones.

But how do you say it?

Because where Fancy and I come from,

we say chicharrones, right?

We just say chicharron. Chicharron.

Chicharron. Chicharron.
Is this because you guys are going to, you're disguising yourself as Mexican sometimes? No. Yeah, she is.
She goes rogue. So this is, how do you say that? Ni manguan.
Mangguan. Oh my God.
This has got to be racist. That's pretty racist.
Juan? Juan, this is mocking. What does this mean? So, I don't know.
Yes, you do. No, no, no, it's not racist because you know what the Spanish right Spanish colonized right and did a little the little chuk chuk with your people right and then all of a sudden some other thing came out alright so at first at first smell woof is that wow good it is a heavy close the bag and open it fast.
Smell it fast. Smell it fast.
How fast though? Like. Okay.
Breathe it in. Ready? And.
Whoa. Good.
Yes. It's like smelling salts.
I love Juan. It hits you hard.
Juan's great. Yeah.
Juan is my friend. By smell alone, I like this the most.
But I like chicharrones. I am partial to.
Here we go. Here we go.
Pork skin. Let's see.
Let's see what it looks like. Pork skin, baby.

It looks like psoriasis.

Yeah, it's been flaked off.

It's a flaky psoriasis. Now, what hospital were these bags from?

Let's try it.

This is a scab.

It's a scab.

Yeah, yeah.

But most pork skin looks scabby.

Okay, well, hey.

Yeah, most look scab.

Let me taste it first.

Yeah, go ahead.

Hand it over.

The crunch is right. Pork skin crunch is almost perfect.
When you get the corner of one, you know it's hard and burned. Hold on.
Excellent. Excellent.
Excellent. So this is number one in your book.
Excellent. Now, how many people in your community have died eating some of these snacks? None.
Yeah, right. Excellent.

I mean, perfect.

You got a good one.

A hard curl.

This means it was fried a little bit longer.

There's a little bit more fat on this one.

Excellent.

I love pork skin.

Excellent.

Hey, give me one more cheese foot because I do like cheese foot.

Let me give you that.

Thank you for bringing these snacks.

This is very nice.

And thank you for forgetting my birthday. I really do appreciate it.
DT anus. I call it DT anus.
Yeah, DT prolapse. DT prolapse.
Mmm. Mmm.
2024, huh? Trump, Trump, Trump. Second place.
Second place for sure. These are delicious.
We have candy in there, too, in the Chinese box. Oh, we got candy in the Chinese box.
So these give you bad bathroom troubles? I used to when I wanted to.

We find it. Invisible candy.

Invisible candy.

This is the invisible candy from last week.

But can I tell you something? I've heard through the grapevine

since we did this episode, people said that

the paper's not edible. You're not supposed to eat the paper.

Not this paper. No, even the inside, you're not supposed to eat

that either, they said. This paper.

We used to eat that in the Philippines. People online say you don't eat the paper.
Yeah. Yeah, you eat that.
No, no. Why does it dissolve in your mouth like fucking deliciousness? Maybe because it's cancerous.
Give me one. Let me try.
This is the infamous white rabbit. Yeah.
See, look. See, look.
Eat it. Eat it.
You can't chew it. Why can't you chew it? You suck it up.
You suck it up. Are you not supposed to be able to chew these? It takes a minute.
It hurts. Well, this is a silly candy.
Are you supposed to look chewable but not be chewable? Yeah. It's not taffy.
What is that? White people love taffy. Why do you like taffy so much? Because it reminds us of the sea.
Do you like taffy? Fudge, taffy, go fuck yourself. I've never had a taffy before.
This hurts my teeth. I mean, it's not even enjoyable.
What about the flavor? Flavor's great. It's like sucking on a good tasting stone.
This is what my people, this is what the Irish used to do when they were bored. They would put sugar on a stone and suck on it for an hour and a half.
That's what it is I could do? Get yourself a sugary stone, Seamus. Seamus, grab yourself a sugar stone.
Yeah, because they could- Just suck on it. I'm doing it.
You'll love it. Anyway.
Where did these come from? Amazon. Yeah, see, are we going to die after all this stuff? feel like no this is fda approved no this is no this is a quality candy dude okay stuck on my teeth i know okay look you're doing it um yeah i'm done i'm done i'm done see that's the thing about the white rabbit you think it's fun at the beginning and then it's really runs out of steam there.
Well, thank you

so much for the birthday gift, Bobby Lee, and not

to anybody else on this show. Thank you so much

for the million subscribers. Thank you, Rudy,

for bringing us a taste of the Philippines and also

for me having to get more

toilet paper on the way home at CVS because I can

already feel the cheese puffs

loading up down below. Dude, talk about

poos. I had dinner

with Gene Hong.

You know Gene, right?

Of course.

Right.

We're eating at our favorite Chinese restaurant in Koreatown.

Then we go, let's get some ice cream.

We're in waiting in line of ice cream.

And I look at him.

I go, eight minutes.

In eight minutes, Gene,

I'm going to poo my pants.

Eight minutes, flash.

I gave him the fucking time.

He goes, get in the car.

That's pretty good to know the time though Dude 7 7 minutes And 55 seconds I enter his house As soon as I go to the toilet It came out It was like It could have been A disaster dude It is funny to think about It must be in there Going like I know Like when you One of your guys Holding on to the ledge Building you know Trying to evade But like I think I know How to like count it out now. When? Your timing is that good.
It's so good, dude. And that's what I want to say.
I have talent. You do have a lot of talent.
You know, there are certain talents. I know I can't play badminton.
You know what I mean? I can't really run the good. You're not good at horseshoes.
I'm not good at horseshoes. Bowling.
You're great. I love a good boy.
You want to play bowling with this guy? Don't. Don't even play bowling with me, buddy.
Cause I'm going to beat you. He'll destroy you, dude.
Speaking of which, what's this thing doing in front of the picture there of a... This? Yeah.
It's just like, oh, one million decorations. Why is it in front of you? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Don't go anywhere with it. Leave it right there if you think you deserve it, because it's on your picture.
It's on your last picture. Why is it when we're on stage in Boston and we have a girl on stage and I go, you know,

what's your name?

She says her name.

And I go, how do you, do you like our pocket?

No, she goes, I fuck Carlos.

Yeah, I fuck Carlos.

We hooked up that night too.

You did.

Yeah.

I saw you guys necking at the bar.

Okay.

So there's 5,000 people there, right?

You have to bring your buddy on stage.

Is that what the deal is?

She signed up.

It was deliberate though.

He put her name.

It was deliberate.

Yeah, it was deliberate. There's no way.

How much easier it is for him to score when the girl that he's hooking up with gets randomly selected? I'm going to give you a little fame. That's what you did.
Exchange fame for pussy. That's what it was for him.
That's what you did that night. And also, don't blame me for picking her.
You put her name on the list five times. I think it was a bit...
You know when like a magician is shoveling cards and it's like, any card, but this one for sure. Yeah.
That's what he did. Can I say thank you? Because it did help me.
You're welcome. Also, that was the third time you had sex with her.
Fourth. Whoa.
So she's not right. No.
I mean, she... No.
Her judgment's a little wrong. She's off.
I'm not saying anything about her. She probably burns herself in the fucking fire every once in a while.
Right, just to feel something. No, like accident.
Like, oh yeah, that burns. I forgot.
I think she might turn on the stove once in a while just to see if maybe it'll hurt her. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
You know, like, you'll leave the stove on. You leave one of the burners on.
But do you want to see what I had to deal with while I was hooking up with her? This is what I... Oh yeah, what did you have to deal with while you were hooking up with her? I had to listen to this.
What? Shotgunning beers? But come in the other room. Who that guy so this guy this is that guy i didn't see him all night my boyfriend he showed up to the after party the little after get together we all got together yeah this guy showed up straight out of the outback i mean not where do you find people like this in a shed somewhere being hidden from society? This guy is born in a rave, born, right? He was born in a rave, dude.
It makes patchouli and Molly. Yeah.
In a bucket for a few days. And this guy was born out of it.
I mean, this guy, what a strange, strange bird. It's a crazy one.
And this is McCone's good buddy. So he was in the, while you guys were hooking up, they were in the kitchen, shotgun the kitchen shotgunning beers yeah and i could why did you bring him back to the place you were hooking up at well macone brought well you guys share a room yeah i know but kick them out and make them go wait wait you share a room we shared a suite on that one so there's two different rooms exactly oh i see but usually there's not okay usually he has to they have to you know yeah i know that yeah so back to the room with Cone out of respect.
Carlos, put a sock on the door and tell him, come back later. That's the code.
That's bro code. Cone, you're really living the life, huh? Doesn't deserve any of it.
Look at that. Doesn't do shit at the show.
True. Right? He takes, I told him to do one thing.
The photo was pretty good. Okay.
Right? But not great. Let's be honest.
It was fine. It was fine, okay.

He takes one photo of me.

Fancy an ad right before I did that, and that was just to celebrate

sending Fancy the ad for last week.

3 a.m. Yeah.

3 in the morning. So you waited until 3 a.m.
to send him,

hey, I did some work. It's 3 in the morning.

3 in my time. So it was

6 a.m.? You were up

until 6 a.m. in Boston?

The sun was starting to come up a little bit.

Wow. Why are we

paying? And I also texted, in the morning. Like, where's the video? Where's the video? How long did it take me to get it? How long did it take me to get it? I'm asking you a question.
It's not a fast one, yeah. He did it in L.A.
when we were traveling. Exactly, exactly.
You did it in L.A. He did it in the Uber.
You did it in the Uber, did you not?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, that's not professional, dude.

I know, man.

I don't understand.

Happy birthday, man.

Thank you, dude.

Happy birthday.

Thank you, Bobby.

Let's focus on something positive.

The only one that cares about it.

I know.

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I love you, dude.

None of your business, you fat ass.

You don't know?

You don't ask me that stuff.

I don't have no!

You fat ass.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, pal, do you have Google?

Google it.

Oh, okay, I'll do it.

He's not just a...

How about you guys? Oh, you think he's just a random guy who works at fucking somewhere? I guess so. No, have Google? Google it.
Oh, okay. He's not just a...
How about you guess?

He's just a random guy who works at fucking somewhere.

I guess so.

No, this guy, Google it.

No, no, no.

How old is Andrew Santino?

Why don't you guess?

I'd like you to guess.

Let's see, like in Filipino terms, what am I?

38.

Wow, close.

Feels good.

39?

Pretty close.

40?

Pretty close. 42 older pretty close 45 47 pretty close 48 oh pretty close 40 40 i'm 40 i'm 40 years old i thought you how does it feel i thought i thought i was what i thought you were 47 you know what i'll tell you why no it's your maturity thank you and that's where i'm gonna'm going to go.
Because I saw the rage come up. Yeah.
And I saw what happened. And I'm trying to fight it back.
Fight back. Because I'm doing some zen stuff lately.
I've been zenning out a little bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And that one. And you know what? I know.
It's a positive. I'm about to do it.
Look at me, dude. I'm about to do it.
What? I'm about to go after that little fucking piece of shit. Don't call her that thing again, man.
Fucking piece of shit. Yeah.
Let me tell you something.

Yeah, let me tell you.

You know how quickly we can ship the lot of here, bud?

Back on a boat.

You'll be back on a boat making stuff out of bamboo again.

Yeah, you will in no time.

I'll have you deported.

I'm sorry.

No, you're not sorry at all.

You brought me one rogue chicken wing.

What a shitty birthday gift.

It was good, though.

Yeah, I'm sure it was. I'm sure it was.
You can clean a house, though can clean a house so i can tell you that right yeah they all can can't they dude you can clean my house can you yeah fuck yeah man i feel 40 how do i feel like how do you feel i feel 40 i feel 40 it's it's a milestone it's a big deal you're so you're thinking about it i don't like it yeah Yeah yeah Dude try 50 Yeah but When I turned 50 I was like Oh is death around Death is around the corner Somewhere but not that close To me it's You're closer Yeah you're definitely closer I'm closer than you Yeah well Yeah yeah yeah I feel like you and I Will die at the same time Oh that'd be great I think we'll think we'll die together. And I have dreams of this.
In a chalet. We'll die in a Swiss chalet.
A Swiss chalet. On a mountain.
But it's not snowing. Why isn't it? Because it's summertime.
We're in a Swiss chalet in the summertime. There's not a lot of tourists.
I'm drinking a cup of coffee. I'm naked on the patio.
Right. I have melted.
I don't know why. I have melted chocolate on my body.
What do you mean you don't know why? You know what we just did. What did we just do? Well, I do know.
Yeah, you know. I do do, but I don't.
The fans won't. I do and I don't.
Yeah I have melted chocolate on my body what do you mean you don't know why you know what we just said what do we just know yeah you know I do do but I don't the fans I do and I don't yeah but so I'm out there you're drinking your thing I'm naked butt naked snus on melted chocolate on my body tanning a little bit tanning and then for some reason there's like a what are those rubber ducks little tiny rubber duckies yeah rubber duckies on the because I'm'm making a chocolate lake on my stomach.

Fondue.

That's what they call it, right?

Fondue.

A fondue, right?

Right.

I got little duckies, right?

Yeah.

My dick?

Yeah.

Where is it?

In my ass.

Yes.

No, wait a minute.

How did you do that to me?

That's incredible.

Pretty good, right?

How did you get there?

I know.

Wow.

I got there.

I tricked you, dude.

Yeah, you know,

I see us at a Swiss chalet

and I see that happening.

I see that part of our pinnacle of our friendship. And you know who's not there? What? You, gone.
You're not there at all. What's in our chalet? I can see.
What's inside of our chalet? There's got to be a dojo. Oh, yeah.
There's a dojo for short. Where do you think we eat dinner? What? In the dojo.
In the dojo. Japanese style.
Yeah. Take your shoes off.
I can't crisscross apples. My knees hurt so bad when I get down on the ground.
Yeah. What do you do that? What? Can you sit Indian style? You can't say that.
Can you sit indigenous people style? What? I can. You can sit.
You can? I can do I can do the old school the knee the you know how they sit with their knees hold on let me just What it? Let me just... I have no idea what that is.

Let me get it.

Let me get it out.

Yeah?

The crouching sitting.

The Asians do.

Oh, yes.

What's this right here?

What I'm doing?

It's smoke attack sit.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm smoking.

Yeah.

I'll show you.

You can smoke attack stall.

I can still do this, dude.

That's really good.

That's not low.

You gotta go lower.

This is as low as it gets, baby.

That is pretty low. That's pretty fucking low.
Crouching. Could you i can do that are you okay that i can do but i can't sit you can sit cross-legged yeah i can't wow that's interesting not right now not with my back uh there's a new system in california called the ebony alert it's amber alert for black people and it just got passed.
Wait a minute. Yeah.
Cut it out. They're being real.
There's a new system in California called the Ebony Alert. It's Amber Alert for black people.

It just got passed.

Wait a minute.

Yeah.

Cut it out.

You're being real.

There's an app that says when-

Amber Alert.

Amber Alert, but Ebony Alert?

Yeah.

Well, why Amber?

That doesn't mean that they're white.

Although white kids probably get kidnapped much more than any other kind of kid.

Well, I don't know about that.

Well, they're worth more.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Street value for a white kid.
I think an ebony alert is needed. I've always prayed for one.
You know why? Why? Because I want to know that they know that I have them. Right.
Right. You want everyone to know.
I want everyone, because then if I have them, I could go, oh, they know I have it. This is good.
And then I'll change locations. It's working.
It's going to work. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wait. You're really being serious of the thing called Ebony governor or the California governor, Gavin Newsom has signed a new law that can help track down young people of color who have disappeared.
And it's called Ebony alert. Why not just a regular children kidnapped alert? And anyway, Andreas had a funny joke.
What is it? I don't know what he did, but before we did the pocket, we talked about a little bit this Ebony alert. And he said something that that was like out of pocket.
What'd he say? And I want him to repeat it. What'd you say? I didn't say anything.
Well, may I repeat it maybe? Yeah, please. Well, how is that going to work out? You all right? Yeah.
How do you know who's who? They all look the same. That's what the fuck.
That's what you said? You scumbag. McCown? He said it.
Carlos? Yeah. Can I tell you something? When I first looked in the room here and I saw this set up and I saw your flag and my flag, I thought- It's good.
I do love my flag. I love my flag.
I do like your flag a lot. What are the black lines for? What are the black lines on the Korean flag for? I stand with korea the the gion bar symbolize air air south summer the gam bar symbolize water west autumn the gone bar symbolize earth north winter and the rebar symbolize fire east spring you guys are doing way too much much.
I think the sides are a little

too much. The black

lines are just so heavy.

I thought it was like threes. Do you know what the three colors

on the Irish flag stand for? What?

It's really easy to guess. So redheads?

The hair. Hair.
The skin.

The skin. The soul.

The soul's not green. Soul green.

Symbolize the inclusion in the air. Oh, is that what liquor

does to your soul? Yeah, turns you green.

This is a whiskey liver. This is after

whiskey liver. I see.
I see. Symbolize the

Thank you. soul green symbolize the inclusion oh is that what liquor does to your soul yeah turns you green this is a whiskey liver this is after oh I see I see symbolize the inclusion and the aspiration between people of different traditions island you know we don't know it means nothing what is a Filipino flag I don't even know bring up the Filipino flag I mean do they have one yeah we do I mean they're the ones that make them after all that's a pretty good good flag.
That is nice. Yeah, the sun.
Is that the sun or what is that? It's the sun. Wow.
We understand. A little bit of attitude.
We get the sun too here, bitch. It's the sun.
She only gets the sun. We get the sun too.
Yeah, we also get the sun. Yeah.
Okay, so the sun, what's the blue mean? Peace. That's why it's above the red because...
That's peace and then the other one's war.

Yeah.

Is it really peace and war?

White triangle stands for equality.

Blue stripe stands for peace, truth, and justice.

And the red stripe represents patriotism and valor.

Ah, you guys have a lot of valor, huh?

Stolen valor.

I've seen a lot of fake, fake military over there.

Walking around.

Walking around.

Pretending like they're in the military and they're not.

The eight sun... You guys have been colonized a lot, right? sun is a lot right oh yeah so is that a lot of valor but do you know okay you can come in I mean what did you say yeah hi come in are there any kids you know growing up named Valor did you grow up with anybody named Valor yeah what's the weirdest name because I know you guys have fucked up weird names.
Fun names. What's the weirdest guy's name that you know? Agapito.
Agapito. Agapito.
What does that mean? I don't know the meaning, but Agapito. So he was like, hi, I'm Agapito.
Agapito. Agapito.
Okay. Bongbong and...
Bongbong is common. Bongbong and spaghetti?bong and spaghetti Spaghetti's a common name there Yeah yeah Like look at They're crazy dude You're really telling me spaghetti Yeah spaghetti is one Is Lolo weird? I know Lolo Yeah You know I know Lolo Yeah I love Lolo Fort McKinley is not a name Yes it is That's somebody's name My dad is a retired AFP personnel That's a guy's name Fort McKinley is not a name.
Yes, it is. That's somebody's name, a Filipino name.
My dad is a retired AFP personnel

in our place.

That's a guy's name,

Fort McClendley, dude.

Cute.

Number 10, what is that?

Drekexix.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a guy's name.

My name is a combination

of my father's name.

Zoom in.

Yeah.

My father's name,

Drexikar and Zeus

from Greek mythology.

Look at the next one.

Yeah.

Sagatius, Junehurst and grow wizard

these are unpronounceable girl wizards great look about yin yin yin hill this one right how do you even say that yeah wait yin yin yin my name is pronounced yin yin yin but it's spelled Y-G-H-N-G-J-H-Y-L-L

It's pronounced

Holy fuck

My name is inspired by stenography according to my father yeah right okay number five sincerely yours wait a minute i mean because you're welcome is common you're welcome yeah or thank you By the way, the sister's name is Spaghetti88. Yeah.

My brother's name is Spaghetti 88. Yeah.
My brother's name is Macaroni 85. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
These people. So, sincerely yours, Macaroni, Spaghetti, is that it? Go to two and one.
No, no, no, dude. Drink water.
Well, that's stealing from the natives. Not only that, though, it's a positive name.
Well, yeah, you should hydrate.

It reminds me.

Hydrate.

Yeah, when I meet them, it reminds me.

See, this one isn't as weird.

God is with us.

God is with us.

It's God is with us.

Yeah.

God is with us.

Yeah.

Sentences are names for them.

I've never met any Filipinos.

It's like...

Go down.

You've never met Spaghetti 88?

No.

Go up.

God is with us?

No. You don't know what God is with us? Yeah.
It's God is with us. Oh, God is.
God is with us. With us.
That's amazing. By the way, shout out wherever you are, Spaghetti 88, go off, girl.
Yeah. Go off, queen.
Spaghetti 88. Cheese pimento.
Give me a name. Give me a name right now.
I got one. What? Go.
My name is son. Because if this, these, it's opened my mind.
Yeah, it doesn't. Yeah, you can be anything.
My son, Jimmy Crackhorn, and I don't care. Well, those two of them, Jimmy Crackhorn.
And I don't care. All right, right, right, right.
Jimmy Crackhorn, and I don't care. Those are my two kids.
You give me one. I'm going to name my kid.
Yeah, yeah. Wallet, keys, cell phone.
So when I leave leave the house I go, what the fuck are my wallet, my keys And my cell phone, there they are, right there There they are, that's amazing What are you gonna name your kids if they're Filipino? Anything you want really Um Poo poo Poo poo Poo poo, okay Pee pee Poo poo pee pee Doodoo What's the third? Doodoo No it's Chinese Poo poo pee pee And Kevin Kevin Yeah That'd be great Yeah just to throw off everybody Just throw everyone off Poo poo pee pee Kevin Spaghetti 88 Maybe one of the greatest names I've ever heard of my entire life Sheath Guess what underwear I'm wearing What is protection protecting... Sheath your balls right now.
Sheath.

Oh, a little bit of sheath.

Underwear.

Shing, shing.

It's got a little pocket for your testes.

For your...

Yeah, yeah.

Your papitos.

It feels so good.

It's like their own little like condo.

It's like a little condominium.

Yeah, yeah.

And by the way, condominium is the key word there.

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I want to add something more.

Please.

Please do.

Okay, so in the Philippines

did you know that we also have

our own KKK?

Wow! I did not know.

Thank you.

That was coming out of my nose. Give me a napkin.
Wait a minute. Hold on.
Please give me a napkin before a booger is coming out of my nose. Dude.
Dude. Did you know? Hold on.
Hold on. Thank you.
Dude, I did not know. Say that again.
I did not know. Holy shit.
shit Did you know That we also have Your own KKK Your own KKK In the Philippines You have a KKK In the Philippines But the good KKK What does that mean? What is it? The good KKK? Yeah Why? Why are they good? Okay KKK Kataas taasang Kagalang galangang katipunan ng mga anak ng bayan. No, and you're making this up as we go along.
There's no way, dude. Katipunan.
Was made when the Spanish colonize us. Oh, you pieces of shit.
Oh, so it means... Oh.
Yeah, it's... Yeah, yeah.
Let's try to say that. Yeah.
On the count of three, Bob. One, two, three.
Katasangang, kagalang-galang-gang. And look at that.
Look at that. The founder says Andres.
Andres Bonificio. So there's Andres.
There's Andres' great-grandfather. Wow, dude.
Wait, what does it mean? What does it represent? Do you know anything really about it? It's just like an honorary organization that fought the Spanish and wanted like independence. It was a Filipino revolutionary society founded by anti-Spanish colonists Filipinos and Manila.
Primary goal was to get independence from Spain throughout a revolution. Wow.
So you used the KKK to defeat his people. On their defense though, it's like- They couldn't have picked any other name? No, because- Well, actually this formed before the KKK.
Yeah, there was no internet back then. So it was like, you know, they just probably didn't know.
No, but dude, look at when this started. This is way before the KKK.
I'm sure the Philippines have a prod boys too. That's why I was confused.
1892. The KKK probably didn't start until what? What do you think? Oh, actually.
Way before that. 1892? Way before that.
Right after slavery was abolished, probably. 1865.
All right. So this KKK was first.
Dude, I would love to have gotten that first meeting.

What do you think? In 1965, 1865, I would have loved.

Do you think I would just show up?

By the way, if a non-white guy came up with white power.

Yeah.

And they're like, it's too good.

We have to.

I know.

We have to use it.

We have to use it.

Like you were sweeping up the floor and you just left and you're white power.

That meeting must have been crazy. 1865.65 oh my where was it in a barn pulaski tennessee holy shit pulaski tennessee where and you know what what uh how what a bummer it must be to be born anywhere near there today knowing the history of that right right you're just born there yeah Where is it it's it's south of nashville it's in the middle of nowhere wow no shit do you think there's like a historical building that we could on the way to huntsville yeah i've been there by the way i passed through this i've told you this story when you go down to play huntsville when you do the double when you do nashville zanies and you go down the driver told me that he's like you see that right see that right over there? Okay, okay, okay.
He started right down that road. Wow.
And I was like, wow. Wow, wow, wow.
Maybe I should go back home is what I said. Maybe I should go back home.
What is this? This is a Spanish journalist on TV while a Spanish man walks by her and grabs her ass and it becomes a whole thing. See, this is very par for the course for Spaniards.
Yeah, you want to see this?

Let's see it.

Smacked her on the butt.

Oh, I love this. culo es que es que no puedo entenderlo me pones a ese señor delante por favor este tío tonto por favor por mucho que quieras intentar preguntarnos de que canal somos de verdad me tienes que tocar el culo estoy haciendo un directo y estoy trabajando me gustaría que me dejaras trabajar No te quería tocar el chile man bad bunny is up to no good these days huh this guy causing trouble he looks exactly like that guy sorry i didn't want to touch your butt i respect you but i didn't want to touch your butt Okay, just have a photo.
Okay, go ahead. And he touched her hair.
Wow, dude, that's even worse.

Wow.

That's... your butt i respect you but i didn't want to touch your butt they touched their hair dude that's even worse wow that's worse than the fucking butt dude can you imagine if a guy did this in american culture they would they would destroy his entire existence it's over yeah and so whenever somebody's like oh uh uh we're so sexist here in this country yeah okay we need to work on some stuff this kind stuff.
This kind of shit, you could never do this on America. That guy would be ruined.
He is ruined. That guy? Yeah.
No chance. He's going to walk off just fine.
He didn't lose his job, probably. He probably didn't lose his job.
Probably nothing happened to him. I mean, it's just a little smack.
See? You see? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. See? That's how they think.

That's how they think.

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Watch this.

Let's give them a barometer.

Let's test it.

Are you allowed to kiss strangers wherever you want, whenever you want?

Just on the face.

See?

Just on the face.

Just on the face.

Okay.

Because they kiss you.

They would go up to people that kiss you.

Do you have the culture

where you kiss your dad on the lips?

You know he does for sure. There's no doubt in my mind Yeah No we don't You don't On the cheeks Yeah Nobody you know Kisses on the mouth My dad kissed us On the mouth I know I didn't like it at all Yeah yeah No not really There is like the two kisses Two kisses Yeah that's European What about in the Philippines Do they kiss on the mouth no like your mom would you kiss your mom on the mouth no your dad no no one in your family would kiss on the mouth no what about a cousin that's our thing yeah that's your that's our thing yeah yeah yeah no you never kiss a cousin no let me ask you is incest wrong in the Philippines I can take this one I mean what is it looked upon it looked upon? It's wrong, but...
But it's an island. Right.
There's only so many people you can pick from. Most of my uncle like each other's cousins.
Oh my... Wait, but...
But not blood. Not blood.
Blood. Oh my god.
So tell me a story. Yeah.
Yeah. No, like the murderer.
I know the murderer, yeah. Yeah.
Okay, so his- Great guy, by the way. Son.
Aside from the murdering. His sons were also weird that liked my mom's siblings and their cousins.
And did they do anything? I mom said they did something. Like what? Like they dated.
They dated and everybody was okay with it? No one says anything? That's not a weird family get together? I don't know. Cousin is here with cousin! And cousin's here! Where the line second cousin is that okay blood is the line blood is the line blood is the line if there's a blood line that runs through okay so if i like let's for instance yeah right you and i are kids yeah your dad single yeah that's you yeah mom passed away yeah okay sorry my mom right single yeah they got together right we're brothers yeah could we fuck yeah no blood oh I see there's no blood there so in that's Woody Allen that's well no Woody Allen was a little bit weirder than that okay that's a little weirder that's a little weirder than what you just made up yeah yeah yeah and you know I'm tired of you defending Woody Allen all the time you do it all the time why because you're a director let it go let it go dude alright right he's canceled you know before the podcast what he literally he literally goes to me what did bill cosby do that's what he said i don't get it's a date specifically it's a date yeah yeah yeah he goes out he said date yeah yeah no no yeah there's no blood if it's like you married someone's family through family it's like that's just someone you met through a family i don't think it's chill, but it's no, there's no bloodline there.
Right. That's not, you know.
But have you ever like thought that your cousin was pretty? No. Why'd you pause? Because it's mean to say, because my cousin, that's like saying, are all your cousins ugly? Yeah.
I have one cousin. You were.
I have one cousin. You know what I mean? Like, you were, like, excited to meet them.
No. But that's not the same thing.
Because, like, they're, like, handsome. I love them.
I love them. And I do think that my cousins are, they're not ugly people.
But to say, do you think they're pretty is weird. Do you never been attracted to them is what you're trying to say? Yeah.
No. No.
No. But your cousins and go she's attractive although i i can look at them and go i they're uh not attractive i'd say oh oh uh he's good looking or she's good looking they're good looking right never no no yeah yes no no i have handsome and pretty looking but you've never been like attracted and was like excited to like excited to to see them because they're my cousin.
Excited in what way? In a crush way. No.
No, no, no, no. Not in a crush way.
You have. One time.
Yeah, you see. You have.
She's trying to bury me into her shit. I know because of your fucking Did you see that? Yeah, yeah.
She projected being like You have, right? That pretty. You have to say It's like She didn't do that.
She didn't do that. That was such a.
That was fucking clever. So clever.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my god my god this is your shit that's your shit so when were you attracted to your cousin yeah like when i was 15 go on and how old was your cousin 18 was that is that weird i mean like you're both in high school that's it seems like that's when i think it's natural what to be attracted to your cousin

i i i mean i would am i the white guy in this room or not i thought that was our thing no bro i've never done it right but to me like just a girl like your cousin your cousin paul okay i have another cousin yeah that's very attractive she's older than me but growing up I knew that she was attractive.

Just, you know.

Sure.

But.

What do you mean?

But. cousin yeah that's very attractive she's older than me but growing up i knew that she was attractive just you know sure but what do you mean but there was never any they know that's like not even like i'm sure brad pitt's cousins are like yeah he's good looking yeah but it doesn't mean they want to fuck their cousin right but you think they would would they yeah yeah yeah you would have i mean at some point it Brad Pitt.
Yeah. A Rappler investigative reporter entitled, the Philippines silent incest problem and the incest rate of the country is 33%.
That's huge! One third of your country. 33%? That's huge! A third of your country.
Oh my God! That's an epidemic! Dude, look what it says. This number is likely underreported as many cases of incest are not brought to the attention of authorities.
This whole country is fucking their family. Yeah.
Island. What? It's a small island.
That's what I said. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a cult related. Any person who shall come.
That is crazy. Yeah.
No, don't laugh it off. So your cousin was 18.
You were 15. Did you tell him you thought he was attractive? No, because then that would just be so weird.
Yeah, but then do it on a podcast for millions of people, I guess.

It makes it less weird.

Did you?

Wait.

You never acted on it, though.

No, but I was...

I told my other cousin, my girl cousin, and she thought it was weird, and she stopped.

Like, she said, don't ever say that again.

I like her.

She's smart.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

She knows what she's talking about.

But I was like...

You still?

No, not now.

Well, she hasn't seen him in a long time. Yeah, yeah.
But I was like, like, hardcore crush. Wow.
Other than your one cousin. Who did you tell your mom? No, that was it.
You just told one cousin. And how did you get rid of this? This crush? Well, because he lived like far away from another island.
Too far for you to do something bad. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Jesus, you're bad.
But let me ask you, if he lived on your street. 100%.
I'm not finished. Oh, sorry.
Would you eat rice cakes with him? Yeah. That's what I wanted to ask.
You have a late night bat wing snack? Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
That's interesting. 33%.
He was really cute. What was this? USA, between 1980 and 2022, around 15% of families in the United States reported to have an event of incest in the family.
That's a lot, dude. 15%? I mean, that's 15%? 15%? It's a lot.
Okay, let me tell you this. 85% of the country doesn't do that.
Now, does that seem better? No, because... 85% doesn't do it.
When you're at the Grove, you're walking, right? Count 10 people. Yeah.
One of them has done it. That doesn't sound weird to you? No.
When you see some of the people at the Grove, it actually adds up. Okay.
My point is you been out in public a lot of weirdos out in public the more people i go out the more people i see the more i'm like wow there's a lot of weirdos oh there's more weird than that i would assume there'd be way more crossing than 15 yeah you're friends with brody jenner yeah how long have you guys been friends i love his coffee he makes coffee yeah let's see all right so i just came out to make us both some coffee and we are out of almond milk but i did find one thing now i hear great things about breast milk i hear it's very nutritious i hear it's very delicious he's putting his fiance's breast milk in his coffee? In her coffee too, though? In her own? Probably. I mean, if he's into it.
Now, how do we feel about this? I'm okay with that. I would do it.
Not surprised. Act like I just ate your foot chips an hour ago.
He had a splash of unconventional creamer to him and his partner is he getting cancelled for this or what no why would he get cancelled there's nothing wrong about it I think it's cool for the baby to drink for nutritional purposes but unless that espresso shot is for his baby would you drink your wife's breast milk and coffee I I've always wanted to try breast milk. You've never tried it? I'll do a shot of it, yeah.
You never tried it? There's a place on Melrose that sells tit milk. It's called tit milk.
What does it taste like? Does it take, like, kind of work? I've never tasted it. Who's...
Pretty sweet. You know that there's a store in the Philippines that sells breast milk.
You've had it? Yeah, but my mom. But you don't remember.
As a baby? No, because when she gave birth to my youngest. Oh, yeah, because she's much older than her brother.
So you tried it or she gave it to you? I tried it. Shut up.
Did you drink a full cup of it? Did you steal it or was she asleep and you took it? Okay, when she was. She was just resting.
And Rudy. When she was pumping milk, I just asked her, oh, can I try it? And she just...
And you sucked it from the tit. Say you sucked it from the tit.
Do you suck it from the tit or... Say you sucked it from the tit.
I sucked it from the tit. Did you really? Very good.
Yeah. Okay, you sucked it, and it tasted sweet.
Hmm. Huh.
How old were you? 17? Yeah. No! Like 12? Was this during your crush with your cousin? 12.
I don't think there's anything wrong with this, him and his wife. That's fine.
It's just unusual. I would just drink my coffee black that day.
Yeah, me too. I'm not going to put my wife's breast milk what i have a confession here we go here we go this is the stuff we love go ahead i had some this summer you had breast milk this summer whom's from a lady that came over to my house so a pregnant woman or a woman who i mean a woman who had just given birth she just gave birth and she's milking yeah she was milking and that was like part of the appeal i was like oh like an extra thing time out did you ask for like is this a service you order a a woman who is this a thing you do no it wasn't this is a service he orders women that just give birth to come over so you can suck on their breast milk it was an escort and like an extra thing was like Oh, that's a bonus add-on? Oh, major.
Is that like a fetish?

In the escort category, there was a fetish of people who want to drink breast milk with their escort. It's like while you're doing things, she'll like squeeze them and like milk goes everywhere.
How much more money is that than the regular? Like a hundred dollar add on. It's like, oh, it's an easy way to make money if you just had a kid i just it's an easy way to make money if you sound like a sad pimp yeah hey baby it's an easy way to make money if you just had a kid go ahead go ahead no but i thought it was go ahead and honk that titty all over that dude i thought it was really hot so when brody jenner is like doing the coffee thing i was like oh i would definitely explain to me when you're hooking up with this person.
Yeah. You need help.
You do, yeah, you do. It's just more liquids.
You need help, man. Did you drink it while you were hooking up? Some guy, I went like.
And was it sweet like Rudy said? It was slightly sweet. It was like, yeah.
Oh, that sounds good though. That sounds good, yeah.
Well, sometimes you get parched in the middle of it. I know.
Sweet is good. You know, you run, I always, I can't think.
If it was sour, then we'd have a problem. No, but maybe that...
I like sour stuff too. Like a sour patch kit? Love a good sour patch kit.
Oh, that'd be nice. A little sour patch tit? Yeah.
So you hooked up with this person. You did this.
She gave you some breast milk during hooking up and after. And then you did it again? Was this your last time? I had seen her before and last time she did it too.
Let me ask you something. Have you eaten poop? I've never eaten cum.
Why are you looking at me like I... Because we don't believe you.
Really? I've never eaten cum. That wasn't my own.
That wasn't your own? I've tried my own. Never.
When did you try your own? I mean like in my lifetime. When? It wasn't like last month.
I didn't want to know it could have been the last year. I've tried my own.
Never. When did you try your own? I mean, like in my lifetime.
When?

It wasn't like last month. I didn't want to know

it could have been the last year. I think

the past couple years.

Yeah. We got to get

you to a facility. Yeah.

With real doctors. With a real doctor.

You can't go to one of those ones on sunset.

Yeah. I didn't know that was bad to try your own company.

It's not bad, but it's not cool. It's not good either.

You know, it's like liking your second cousin. It's not bad, but it's not good either.
Yeah. Okay? Like we said to her.
Yeah. Thanks for being honest.
I appreciate it. Yeah, yeah.
But I do think that that's a crazy thing that there's add-ons now. Sex is not good enough.
You need to suck tit milk to like amp it up. But it's also like a performance, like while you're having sex.
It's like a show. Exactly.
You need more than just the sex and the companionship. At this point.
Really? I need a whole production. See, this is what my fear is, Bob.
We talked about this. I'm afraid he's going to get to like, it's like choke stuff.
Oh yeah, and NXS. Yes, and then- David Carradine.
NXS, and God bless NXS. Oh wow.
So I'm afraid that you're going to go to the next level. Yeah, that's- Don't do that.
Please don't do that. I'm not.
Because it'll be embarrassing for bad friends. Well, it'd be make for a good pod.
It would be nice. Yeah.
But I'll say this. I went to a store in New York that was a high-end sex store in Soho.
Really high-end. Like super, super dope high.
Because when you walk in, you don't think it's a sex store. That's what's the cool thing about it.
But the toys were crazy creative.

And there was one of them where you can tie yourself up like a little machine where you can wrap ropes around yourself, around your head and your neck and your arms.

Like tie yourself up because you don't – sometimes I think people need someone to tie them up.

And you can still perform with toys and stuff like that.

There's a harness for a toy.

Wow.

I kind of wanted to buy it for you. I would never.
It was four grand. I mean, you know what I would use? What? One of those Mike Pence, you know, hang my...
What? They brought to January 6th the... A guillotine? No, one of those...
A guillotine. No, a Mike Pence one.
A noose. A noose, yeah.

Can you give me a Mike Pence noose?

Why?

Does he make them?

No, but didn't they do that on January 6th? Yeah.

You know, hanging Mike Pence.

But he should have used that and branded it and then made...

Dude, that would have been great.

MP nooses?

Oh my God.

Those would have flown off the shelves.

MP noose?

It would have, dude. Get yourself an MP noose? Yeah, dude.? It would have, dude.

Get yourself an MP News?

Yeah, dude.

Look at that thing, dude.

That was soon.

Traitor.

Yeah.

Wow.

What is this?

You sent me this.

Oh, yeah.

Find this video.

Oh, yeah.

I love this.

What?

So this is this asshole

on YouTube

who like goes up to people

And he fucks with them

You know like pranks

All these guys that do pranks

Yeah yeah

I hate these guys

I hate this fucking guy

I hate these guys

Puts a phone up to his ear

The guy says stop

He says get away stop

He keeps doing it

Now look what the guy does

Pulls out a gun

Shoots him

Pulls out a gun

And shoots him

That was good

That was good

That was good

That was good

Thank you

Yeah yeah

Shoots the guy

And by the way

The kid lives

He does

Guy lives

Yeah Thank you. Yeah.

Shoots the guy.

And by the way, the kid lives.

He does.

Guy lives.

Yeah.

They took this case to court.

And if I'm not incorrect, the shooter won.

He did not get charged because it was an act of self-defense.

The jury found that this guy was acting in self-defense.

And I love it.

I love it too.

Because leave that guy the fuck alone.

I know, dude.

Leave him alone. You see those ones in Home Depot where like a guy will come up with a fucking thing and you and scare people? You should be able to shoot that guy.
Yeah, shoot that guy. Shoot that guy.
Yeah, yeah. No, I'm not even kidding.
And you know what's so fucking annoying? So the guy got off on the charge. That's the best thing I've ever seen.
But the guy got off on the charge. The kid lived.
He didn't kill him. If he killed him, I think it would have been a different story.
Why? Well, because it's murder. I mean, it's murder.
I know. I get it now.
I get it. You know murder, right? Yeah.
But this idiot, this YouTube kid says, I'm not going to stop doing it. Now he's like, oh no, I'm still going to, I'm still going to keep doing pranks.
That's what he said after court. There he is right there.
And then why do they always look like big, dumb fucking goons? Look at this fucking big, dumb. Still lives at home with his mom.
By the way, the guy who shot the gun, Bravo. Aim up.
You know what I mean? Aim up. No, no.
All right. I'm just.
Stomach, stomach. This is a bad ad for Popeyes, though.
Yeah, yeah. Love that gun from Popeyes.
What was the bit, though? Was it a bit like he was playing him something? It was something on the phone. It was an audio thing I couldn't make out.
But I think it was probably like, you know, like whatever it is. Yeah, yeah.
But he shot him and he got away with it. And I got to tell you.
What? Totally cool with it. And what state is it? Well, Dulles is DC, right? I don't know.
That's what it looks like, Washington. Yeah, DC.
Prepare something for you guys. We were so excited for one million,

for the one million episodes

that we decided to sing a song to you guys.

Oh my God, they're going to sing a song to us?

Like Barbershop Quartet?

Let's see.

It's got to be harmonized.

Gilbert did such a good job with your acapella,

you know, 400 episodes.

With your acapella.

We decided to do the same.

Okay, good.

I love it.

Okay.

I pay my dues. Wait, stop.
Time out, time out, time out, time out. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop.
We want an original song. No.
Yeah, we want an original song. You are going to sing We Are the Champions? Yeah, here's the deal.
You sing a song, It can't be a mockery of another song.

Right.

No.

It's going to be an original song that we've never heard before.

No.

So start over.

I don't care what you have lyric wise.

Make it up.

Make it up.

Make it up.

All right.

Andrew just paid me in Boston.

We need to talk about that.

We shouldn't pay him anymore.

Yeah. Go ahead.
Yeah. I got laid.
why are you looking down like you're reading it you're making it up it's also still too much like Queen nah nah nah nah I don't want that do a different harmony come on thank you Andrew thank you Bobby y'all are my friends we work together thank you for the hotel rooms they are fun sometimes I bring girls back thank you Rudy for being here and always supporting me Rudy likes dogs Bobby eats dogs Bobby loves dogs Andrew kinda likes his dog I think I think you're gonna harmonize and stuff this is a bullshit song dude I was gonna do Freddie Mercury i mean me and andrew gonna sing a song right now easily we're not but we're not good yeah all right well i need fancy and mccone to help me out here you three you three are shit you three you three are shit you're at your jobs. You're bad at your jobs.

We can't rely on you.

You're the bottom of the barrel.

We don't like you.

We're chip.

We're chip.

What'd you say?

What'd you do?

What'd he say?

We're chip?

Wait, I just want to hurry.

We're chip, you're chip.

We're chip, you're chip?

What? You're chips, you're chip What?

You're chips

What did you say?

We are chip

Oh cheap

Oh cheap

I thought he was saying we're Doritos chip

Yeah we're chips

I'm sour cream and onion chip

Cool ranch chip

I'm a cool ranch Dorito chip

McCone is a

Funyon

Actually no McCone is a bugle

I don't know. chip yeah cool ranch chip i'm a cool ranch dorito chip yeah macon is a fun yeah yeah actually no macon is a bugle remember bugles yeah that guy's a fucking bugle actually if we're gonna name them as chips fancy would be what fancy would be just regular lays like the like the original lays greasy little kind of they're underrated they're good but they're not that good carlos is a cheap tortilla chip with bad salsa with like yeah with like uh oh yeah yeah with the one you know i mean and there it's watery water super watery and then uh what's my cone a wood chip yeah a bag of wood chips your bag of wood chips man well thank you for the 1 million subscribers thank you for being a bad fan I have a question this is what we like wait there's this trend in TikTok where the girls ask the boys if they ever think about the Roman Empire and all of the yeah what is this thing yeah I don't get it they say like three times a week they think about it how often do you think about the Roman Empire we'll say it at the same time because I know it's the same answer one two three zero every day what no every day every day oh fuck of course I think about it every day, one of the most influential time periods in history? Yes, of course I think about the Roman Empire.
Really? How could you not? Yeah, I don't think about the Roman Empire ever. I don't stop thinking about it.
I'm thinking about it constantly. Yeah.
There isn't one moment in my day that I don't think about the Roman Empire in comparison to what I'm doing. I'm at Jersey Mike's thinking about the Roman Empire.
What about you guys? Like three times a month. I only know one Roman Empire guy, Pontius Pilate.
Yes! That's the main guy, right? What did he do? That's the Bono, what? It's the Bono of... It's the Bono of Romans.
He's like the U2 of Romans, no? He cleared his hands. Isn't Pontius the one that did the stab? Yeah, man.
In Jesus? Yeah, he's the fucking, he's the evil fuckbag. Yeah, he's from abrusso italy i don't ever think about the roman empire that's an insane question i've never girls think about the roman no they're asking young men when how often they think about it and men are like i don't know like once a month i've never thought about what i've never think about it i don't i don't ever think about it so okay because all the men on tiktok say they think about it like three times a week maybe some of these men do i don't ever are they are they all white guys be honest yes yeah yeah yeah whites yeah what else do you see what what else is trendy shit for your age rube we could wait i want to show you something it's my it's my nostalgic filipino song and i want you to see the video oh boy okay we sing along try long uh look at her this is the cut press pause yeah so are these guys popular they were really popular when i was like 13 years old 1.7 million views 14 years ago that's before anything got that kind of number yeah so um like if you had seen them in the streets you would have chased down the street like you chase them yeah but that's what i would like always like listen to imagine if that was his her cousin oh my god the tag the tag along rap that rise.
But do you know what they're saying?

No.

Can you translate?

I know.

Okay.

What is it?

It was kind of saying, I really do knew.

I picked up on somebody.

It was saying something to the effect of like, there's plenty of fish in the sea, but it's

like, if you catch the right.

You read that.

What?

You read that on the comments.

Read what on the comment?

What are you talking about?

He knows about that along.

No. He read that.
When did I read it in the comments? He knows that. No.
Yeah. When did I read it in the comments? Okay.
There's no way you read that on the comments. Yeah, yeah.
What? When? We just showed the video. So go ahead.
Fish on the sea. Yeah, I got that too.
There's plenty of fish in the sea. See? Exactly.
But it's easy to catch... If you're just heart is open.
Yeah. Is that what he means? You read that somewhere! Where did I read it? We have iTunes and fucking Spotify.
We listen to this shit too. You read that somewhere.
No, dude. Where? Where did I read it? That's kind of true.
But on the chorus, it says we're tired of girls playing us. Yeah.'re going yeah exactly so we're going to go to go down to the so we're gonna go to the the beach right to see the fish to the gays yeah to the gays this song is about being gay but where's the gays at the beach bitch yeah where do you think they live yeah yeah gay guys live at the beach right yeah anthem yeah it's a gay anthem of the 90s wow look at them oh they are so they're basically saying girls are shit guys are the best and if you want to be happy in life you got to be gay yeah if you want to be happy for the rest of your life never make a woman your wife so they're not the personal point of view get a fucking dude

to marry you

are they still big in the Philippines like if like

are there what I don't know I haven't heard

from them in a while oh you keep in contact with

those guys no

what do you mean you haven't heard from them you haven't heard like there's

new songs by the way look

at how corny even the parental advisory

look at the top right look at the ballas

be careful balla

go get your balla

Thank you. new song.
By the way, look at how corny even the parental advisory. Look at the top right.
Babala is it. Babala, be careful.

Babala.

Go get your Babala.

Okay, I have another question. What does it say? By the way,

before you go, what does it say at the bottom? Daitanglasan?

That's their group name.

Is Daitanglasan? Yeah.

What does that mean? I don't know.

I'm not Tagalog. I'm Bisaya.

It doesn't matter. It's close.

I speak Ebonics and English. I know slang, right? That's slang If somebody said that shit is cap, dog I know he's saying that What's the other thing? You're lying Oh, my other thing is Tito Andrew, are you a football fan? Not the soccer.

American football. American football, yeah, why?

Did you know that Taylor Swift put...

I forgot his name.

Well, this joke isn't going to work unless you say it the right way.

Okay, let me look him up.

Travis Kelsey?

Yeah, did you know that Taylor Swift put Travis Kelsey on the map?

Yeah, I've heard this before. And let me tell you something.
Okay. Easy, dude.
I know. I get it.
She does that to me, too. She doesn't even know who Travis Kelsey is.
She has no idea. You don't know who that is? That's why what I'm saying is true.
Did Taylor Swift win two Super Bowls? Did she win two Super Bowls? Is she a world champion twice? Okay, but Taylor Swift can soul sell that. I want to say something right now.
I'm fucking tired of this shit. Let me say something right now.
What does pop music stand for? Popular music. Popular music.
Right? Popular music is for dum-dums. Wait a minute.
I like a lot of pop music. I know me too.
Some of it. Some of it I like.
But my point is that, you know, for instance, one of the greatest albums ever made is the Velvet Underground album with the banana on it, right? They only sold 500 copies of that when it first came out. But the reason why it's in the top 100 best albums ever made is because it's influential.
It's fucking good shit, right? My point is popular doesn't mean that it's fucking great. And Taylor Swift is talented, but she's not the be all be of all of it.
Preach, preach, preach. One million subscribers.
We're so popular. We're a million.
God, man, I'm tired of this Taylor Swift shit, dude. She's talented.
I get it. She's very talented.
Yeah, but she's not in 20 years. No one's going to give a fuck.
She's like Tiffany. No, I think.
I think she's a little bit more popular than Tiffany. Okay.
All right. Sorry.
All right.

A little bit.

A little bit more.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But look, in the same way that like Madonna was an international superstar, right?

Huge.

Madonna was globally.

Obviously, because it was predated the internet, she wasn't as big as Taylor Swift, right?

Because the internet.

But if Madonna came in right now, we'd be like, what's up, Madonna?

Well, we'd be like, hey, is everything okay?

Because she's been scaring me in the last couple of years.

Yeah.

Yeah.

She has a British accent for some reason, and she's from Jersey.

My point is that things fade.

It's a fad.

No, but she's incredibly huge.

Talented person.

Very talented.

It's a fad.

And you know what?

She put Travis Kelsey on the map.

Hey, no, I want to see that video.

After the first round, I realized that she was a lot tougher than I was expecting.

Although I expected her to be tough. I just expected her to show a bit more tiredness.
I went all the five rounds. It did not look like it.
I enjoyed the whole process and I enjoyed being in the room. Press pause.
You enjoyed the whole process? Oh my God. Your face is in other parts of the country now.
what the fuck do you mean a tooth is missing she's gashed up you're a mr potato head like your eyes and your fucking neck your neck is in your eye this is by the way you know i don't know if you know this this is bare knuckle women's bare knuckle boxing not ufc this is bare knuckle raw knuckle to face that's why it's so brutal because there's no padding at all look at her she. She's fine.
One little baby wrap. She's fine.
Look at her. She enjoyed the process a little bit more.
Yeah. I mean, go back to the original photo.
The very first. What? What fight? I got to see this fight, by the way.
You enjoyed the fucking fight? I mean, she's getting worked. It didn't go the way I wanted.
How long do you think I would last with that girl?

In bed?

No, in the ring.

Oh, in bed?

I'd be like, probably a long time.

Yeah, yeah.

But in the ring, you think?

Bare knuckle?

Bare knuckle.

One punch, you're gone.

Give me two punches.

No chance.

I bet my bank account.

Please give me two punches.

If the first one didn't land.

Yeah.

All right. It was like a chip.

You probably do a round.

I could get a whole round with her.

You think so?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'd get a whole round.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you think you'd lose? Most likely, i'd want i don't want to look like that when it's over i'd want to bail but wouldn't it be fun to watch a dude fighting no you me specifically her it'd be fun to watch yeah yeah just me fighting bare knuckle i'd be in your corner right i'd splash water in the air that's not what they do in the corner i know but that's what you think that's what they do in the corner? That's what I would do.
Splash, splash, splash. The referee comes over like, sir, if your corner doesn't stop splashing water in the air, we're going to disqualify you.
Yeah, I would do all kinds of stuff. I would do the powder.
Why? What is that going to do for me? Don't they have powder? Yeah, but that's for keeping your... I don't care.
I would do it. I would do it in their eyes.
Don't they do that in WWF? You know what you'd want to do. You want to rub the goop, the wound, rub my wounds, the goop over there.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Close up my wound.
What would I put in there? You know what I would put? I would put the tiger. Tiger balm? Tiger balm.
In my eyes? Yes, right in your eyeball. No, I don't want that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Bengay.
I would do a mixture, my own mixture. And I would blow fucking, I would put tiger balm, blow fucking powder in your eyes and splash it with water, dude.
You'd be ready for round yeah I'd lose immediately yeah yeah yeah they couldn't have called it what would you do in my corner huh what would you do in my corner I wouldn't be there I know you wouldn't yes I would I'm always in your corner I'd turn around and you're gone no I'd go like this and go Bobby run run run oh yeah yeah I would make you get them tired god that would be so fucking petrifying to being in a bare knuckle fight with her anybody

period yeah i don't want to be bare i could do it with her jules i she could put up a fight dude

no i'm weak yeah she's weak okay well thank you for being a bad friend Woo-hoo. Yeah.

Woo-hoo.

Yeah.

Woo-hoo.