A Bone To Pick With Bobby's Mom

You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots? White dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting. You two are something.
We're bad friends. Let me try to break down your bones.
I would love to break your bones. Let me say this.
Are you mad at Bobby or you're holding a little grudge because you wanted her to come to your house because you have a crush on this girl? Bobby did it out of spite. Do you have a on this girl no i just had to get the numbers up at the party i love angie you're just a friend with her well great gal yeah she's a good comic good comic good friend all this stuff aside you have a crush on her and you're mad that she she went to dinner with bobby yeah he's got a crush okay so this is what it is it's my turn to bone.
It is your turn to bone. Bone, baby.

How do you have a party and not invite your bosses?

Wow.

Very, very interesting. Bobby, I literally did invite you.

You're done talking right now.

Your bone is over.

You already picked your bone, buddy.

Bone's picked.

Bone's picked, kiddo.

Go ahead, Bob. I already said it do it do it again i did the hand thing and everything oh i like the right right what i'm saying is is that angie goes oh yeah i'm gonna go to mccone's party do you want to go and i go keep the hands up there's no way there's no way that the kid that i brought into my family yeah yeah yeah had a party yeah a party at his house didn't even fucking invite his bosses interesting move interesting move it's beyond interesting it's deception it's shadow play it's evil it's dark it's voodoo it's it's cambodian back in the 60s though back you know it is cambodian in the 60s when Pol Pot was doing it it's dark yes I agree no no no no you don't get to speak and also how was the party don't speak and also can I say something I would have gone oh yeah I would have gone wouldn't you have gone I love to get invited to parties because him and I went to the party store we had party we got the little cone party hat and i got the yeah yeah we got all of it we're just waiting for the call bud but this is interesting he doesn't invite us how by the way how do you throw a party in a tent off the off santa monica boulevard how do you throw a party in a tent you well you it's you have to bring your own tent you have to bring your own stuff yeah you bring your own beer and stuff b-y-oOT.
Bring your own tent. And I'll say this.
I just realized, Bobby, this is why we're best friends. I was angry at McCone other stuff.
Now I'm angry because he didn't invite his bosses to his house party. He didn't think about us, didn't consider us.
Carlos, did you get an invite? Oh, yeah. Are you being real? Yeah, I got an invite.
Now I have to teach you a lesson. Yeah, you do.
I have to teach you a lesson.

Yeah, you do.

What I'm going to do, what we're going to do.

Log in.

We're going to have a bad friends party.

A huge radio.

A huge party.

And I promise you, bud, you're not invited.

And if I see you there, your bones are going to be broken.

He's going to break your bone.

Bone to pick, bone broken.

I didn't go to the party, though.

I know you didn't.

And that's why, because it was out of respect.

For us.

And out of loyalty.

Of course.

And you're a comrade.

Pete, did you go to the party?

I don't know. bone broken bro i didn't go to the party though i know you and that's why because it was out of respect for us and out of loyalty and you're a comrade pete did you go to the party i did not yes thank you pete he was he was invited yep everybody but us interesting move interesting move the good news is bone's been picked yeah the bad news is mccone's gonna get docked pay for the next three months yeah that's fine you're not gonna be laughing bud you're not gonna be laughing you think that this is a all jokes you think this is a game fun and play no it's not this is a this is a real deal because when the fucking war begins there will be an apocalypse there will be blood right and there will be an alien invasion or there will be a zombie thing or something you're not gonna into the compound.
Nope. You're going to be out there and you know who you're going to be? You know what you're going to be, dude? You're going to be one of those zombies that are going to cut your legs and arms off.
Oh, I love that. Right? And you're going to be strapped your neck, right? To a little fucking room.
And guess what's going to happen to you, dude? We're going to let the dogs get you. Yep.
But not sexually, dude. I mean, yes, sexually.
I mean, I don't know what. I think sexually is right.
I think we're going to let the dogs get you. Yeah, it's all right.
Speaking of. What? That's the one, Carlos.
Pete, what was that face about? I just imagine dogs penetrating. But he's a zombie.
It doesn't matter. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true.
No, but here's the deal. Maybe cut that part.
No, no, no. Leave that in.
It doesn't make any sense. No, I want dogs.
I realize sometimes I say things. Hey, guys, listen.
I'm a professional podcaster. You're trying.
But sometimes I say things and they don't make sense. Here's the deal.
I want McCone to be sexually assaulted by dogs. Thank you.
It does make sense when you say it. Yes, of course.
And the whole time, while he's trapped in the room being assaulted by German Shepherds,

we're going to play Who Let the Dogs Out on loop. Who let the dogs out?

Who? And he has to do that part.

He has to go, who? Who? Who?

While they assault you. And that's your punishment.

And you won't be laughing, pal.

I hope the party was a bust. Did it get broken up

by the cops? No, apparently there wasn't a lot of people

there, I heard. Yeah.
Well, you know why?

Six people or something.

Because your bosses weren't invited.

Right, six?

We had about 20 on the roof at one point.

Oh.

Oh, 20 on the roof.

Well, there is no...

Whoa.

Otherwise, they're in his bedroom.

What is the Studio 54?

Well, it's a studio apartment that's about 54 square feet.

It was like Woodstock, huh?

Woodstock 23.

20 people.

What the fuck?

This is going to be McCone, by the way.

Show him a clip of this woman.

There's a woman I found on TikTok.

You have to see this woman.

No arms, no legs.

This is how badass this woman is.

Her TikTok handle I saw is called No Limbs,

which is dope that she's just going right into the fire.

You know what the craziest part is?

She's trans.

Look at that guy just kick.

That's her husband. Just kicks her to the ground.
That's her husband just kick that's her husband just kicks her to the ground that's her husband that's her husband kicks her to the ground wow they do this stuff all the time he throws her in the pool yeah oh does he really yeah here's the wildest shit bob yeah she's trans she was born with no arms no legs no way no arms no legs she is there's no at the top. It says trans.
Look at the very top. Look, trans right there.

Right there.

Look, she has the trans flag right in her profile.

Oh, yeah.

She talks about it the whole time.

She's born no arms, no legs, and she cut off the one thing God did give her, though.

That's.

She's dope, though.

I like.

I've been watching her stuff.

I showed this clip to my wife.

Yeah.

And I said, look at how quickly she does makeup.

She has no arms and no legs. Get ready a little bit faster when we go out please no arms no legs yeah yeah reach out see if she'll come on the show i mean if she she look at she's hilarious she's got it her tiktok is so fucking funny dude i love watching when she listens like aerosmith walk this way did she in her mind go roll this way roll this way what if we make her a playlist when she comes of all songs like they're like walking in la walking in la nobody walks in a carlos is she your kind of that's your kind of lady though you did say she's hot you think you this is what you're kind of into with makeup she's not bad looking at all i i feel like she has a great personality and sense what do you mean with makeup without makeup you say no look at you you think you're fucking brad pitt came out wrong i'm my bad my bad i think he's just i think she has a great personality and i'd be lucky to be with this trans god bless and you're right you would i see you got some new ice on your neck by the way oh yeah just good luck are you gonna move to texas no i just wrap it okay yeah i just wrap it i know but if that was your wife or you know and you're on the titanic you know quickly you could throw her in the boat you'd throw her right in the boat no one would even see it you know baby i'll save you i mean it's just one of those things it's like this is just a whole thing go ahead i mean Nobody go ahead.
I mean, look, they're having a nice dance. And then you would have to like, you know what I mean? I don't know what you do.
Carrie. No, I would use her as a buoy.
Is she like the door that Jack floats on at the end of the day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's insane.
That's insane. Anyway.
Is that her too? Yeah, she's the shit. Oh, she, oh, oh, you're right.
She's trans. She said she was trans she said she was trans yeah you're right I told you that this is great let's go back to oh so she was born that way she was born with no arms and no legs her fucking Instagram she could have got a nom yeah she went to nom yeah no she did no I'm just saying no she did desert storm yeah she went to dude she's like 20 something years old you mean she could have gone into like maybe afghanistan you know those like bomb specialists when they put the suit oh like hurt locker hurt locker hurt locker it's major kudos to this woman for fucking going into the fire of the internet and going no limbs is her fucking profile and making jokes and then letting her husband they do a game with pillows there's a funny thing where they can't guess a word.
They hit each other with a pillow. She uses her mouth to whip the pillow.

He fucking cracks her as hard as he can with a pillow.

She goes flying into the fireplace.

Yeah, that would I do.

I would do that too.

You would.

Yeah, you don't hold back.

Okay, let's just, you know.

Let's move on.

What else is there to say?

I'm impressed.

I think it's- What else is there to say?

I'm impressed.

I'm impressed too.

And she's the captain of her kickball team.

Stop. Yeah.
How amazing is this? No limbs and she can swim. How embarrassed would you be if you couldn't swim? She has no limbs and she can still swim.
That's amazing. Whoa.
Whoa. That's awesome.
Yeah. Pete?

Can I be honest with you though?

Go on.

That's what this show is for.

When he's at a public pool like that.

When she's at a public pool. My bad bad.

My bad.

My bad.

My bad.

My bad.

My bad.

My bad.

No disrespect.

No disrespect.

There should be a sign.

They should put a sign down going, I'm here.

Just say limbless person here.

No, because imagine.

No, because imagine a kid. He does.
He he a kid doesn't know that she's there what if she was a lifeguard oh dude what if it said if it said what if there was a sign that said yeah she can swim what if it said lifeless uh limbless lifeguard on duty yeah LLOD yeah limbless lifeguard on duty that's what you know what can i say something if she saved you from drowning oh oh beautiful she couldn't do chest compressions for cpr but she could blow into your mouth she'd headbutt your chest well if i'm on the bottom like i'm drowning i'm on the bottom of the pool yeah she you know i mean she does a i guess a eel eel stroke no what's the one

what's the one what's the one what's this the butterfly or not yeah no it's breast the cat she can't do butterfly i can't do any of it well no what's it do it neil what's the butterfly without wings what a caterpillar she does the caterpillar oh she's a caterpillar okay good caterpillar underwater caterpillar although you know those they have underwater snakes a sea snake a sneeze a sneeze snake a sneeze snake yeah yeah right so she would go down to the bottom and grab you by your hair she can bite she can bite i know she has her teeth no no i'm saying she's biting she was biting stuff to get stuff done before so she must use her teeth for almost everything i love it i love it too but i don't you know what's great about it is that she she's able to make a living off of it. Look at how many followers she has.
She's probably killing it. I love it.
I love it too, but you know what's great about it is that she's able to

make a living off of it.

Look at how many followers she has.

She's probably killing it.

I think it's 4 million.

Holy moly.

How many is that?

That's money in her pocket.

4.2 million followers.

That's incredible.

I love that.

Me too.

Fuck yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

Please.

When she goes to heaven,

is she just a...

Just a halo?

I don't know.

I mean, does she have...

Wings?

No.

Does she get them back?

Like, does God go, here you go.

I forgot to add these.

You know what I mean?

So in the afterlife...

Yeah, thanks.

Thanks.

What if she hates it?

It straps it back on.

What if she... You straps it back on what if she forgot god thanks right i don't know maybe she's thriving she's still she was skating in one of those clips she skates no she doesn't dude show the guy there's a professional skateboarder that has no legs that skates show the guy no legs skateboarder have you seen this fucking guy I've seen him, yeah.
He's incredible. Yeah, but before you even do that, he has arms.
Yeah, the pumps. But you can't do it without arms.
If you have a homie there with you that can start you up. You just push it with your foot? Yeah, it's your kick push, dog.
Okay. You just kick pushing.
It's just amazing. This is a, what's his name? Italo.
He's great. Italo Romano.
I've seen him before. He's great.
He fucking rips this guy. Look at this.
Look at this. Dropping in on a half.
Wow, that's incredible. Look at that.
Little big spin. Incredible.
Fucking rips. It rips, dude.
Yeah, you have to be able to push. He's cute too.
Look at his face. Yeah, he's the fucking man.
Look at his forearms, by the way. Amazing.
I think there was one clip of him. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. He's doing backflips in the ocean.
Look at how jacked he is. I have a question about him, too.
Yeah. Be honest.
Does he... Can he get on the rides at Magic Mountain? No way.
You don't think he can? If you hold him up in line, if you have to walk... When you walk to the height sign, you have to still go do this height thing or no? I feel like it's such a, let me look.
How about this? Here's what you would do. I don't know why I even would think of that.
You would just put on, put on pants that are just hanging down and you'd hold him. So it looks like, Oh, like his head.
Yeah. So you're like his homie, but yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah. I see.
That'd be the way to do it. Or you could just strap him onto your stomach and go he's my baby no what do you say no we're we're what we're siamese oh we're conjoined twin yeah but he's the kind that goes out of the stomach sure they wouldn't know and then could you ride with him like that i imagine they might have to let you yeah yeah but the bar wouldn't be able to go because they don't hide they don't do hide this way but how did i click click click click click i mean the click click click would stop here you're probably gonna fall out or i could just stick them up i mean you're right you're right i think you're right i think you're right i think you're right these are rides where you need legs at disneyland see now this is this is this is they have that yeah you have to have legs for these if you know dude we protest, dude.
I don't like this. They should go on any ride they want to.
What rides do you not have to have legs for? Does that say Space Mountain? Oh, Space Mountain, you can do no legs. That's one of the fun ones.
Yeah, they put you in some device or something. They give you legs for the day.
What's so funny, dude? You get Disney legs. You get Mickey legs.
He's right. They put you in a device? Yes.
Yeah, they have to transfer you from a wheelchair. To a device.
On these rides, a guy has to carry you onto the vehicle. Right.
All right. But it's like the special handicap part.
Be honest with me. Yeah.
Okay, I'll be honest with you. If at some point in my life I lost my legs, and do that carry me to places most of my weight is on my bottom half i got a big big tush you've seen it you know i'll be honest with you what i would do before i did that did that was i would make some phone calls well were the who to who i just would do some japanese scientists or something like just people i know that okay what's the state of the art stuff you have who can fix me yeah like no i mean stuff that like you know that's not even on the market oh you want you want like the fucking off menu shit yeah i mean i want i want to help i love you so i just you know i would never carry you i mean that's what it is i don't think i would ever carry you but like i would first call and go what's the future shit they got it right now like a million dollar man i'll see that stuff japanese robot suit yeah i'll I you that god damn japanese are so good they're the best they're the fucking greatest look at them what haven't they thought of look at that so that's helping paralyzed people walk yeah that's a fucking amazing that's amazing dude damn japanese did it again the fucking best they did it again they did it again dude he's carrying see that could be you in my robot legs carrying me upstairs this could be us but you playing yeah i'm not gonna do that man it's all good would you do it for me 100 you know i would you would that's what makes me mad no what makes me mad why don't you pull the camera no fuck you why don't you never fucking carry me around fuck you dude pull the pull the guys would i do it for bobby pete vote yes or no no be honest though He is.
He's never here. I would say for a day.
Okay.

For the guys. Would I do it for Bobby? Pete vote.
Yes or no? No, be honest though. He is.

He's never here.

I would say for a day.

Okay.

For the day.

Thank you.

Pete's never here,

but I will take the yes for a day.

Carlos?

I think Andrew would.

Thank you, Carlos.

McCone?

For the rest of my life.

Yeah?

I actually think so. I would call.

Okay.

Let me make an argument.

Let me make an argument, Carlos.

Right?

When is he ever here?

Who are you talking about?

You.

I'll see you. Okay, let me make an argument, Carlos.
Right? When is he ever here? Who are you talking about? You. I fucking live here.
You're always somewhere. Paris.
Hawaii. In a golf tournament somewhere.
Then you would come with me. Somewhere.
You would come with me. No, you wouldn't invite me, dude.
I would love to have- You don't invite me now when you have your fancy fucking friend parties. And you know why because of this kind of stuff you're overreacting i can't have this happen in front of fucking jason momoa that when momoa and i are whittling a canoe i can't have this kind of behavior go down but you know what i'm saying he's never here dude so what i'm gonna end up doing is call ring ring oh dude i'm in fucking mazatlan oh where's that I love Mazatlan.
In Mexico in mazatlan i go okay when are you back oh you august uh if he's in america i think he would do it thank you if he's in town maybe one time a month that's more than you that's more than you that's a lot because i'm being thank you i'm being completely and utterly honest with you i would dedicate it one day a week to you when i'm in town and i would not you wouldn't get a single date from me that's fine that's the relationship that we have but you know what i would do i would call japanese people i would get i would pay for the finest equipment okay right and i would hook it all up i'll call le Lex Friedman. Let's figure this out.
Right?

You would never fucking call for me.

No, because I would just do the labor myself.

We're just two different types of guys.

Yeah, but it's the same thing.

No, no.

I'm going to dig the garden. Mine is just as good as yours.

Sure.

I'm not devaluing you.

I'm just saying I would carry you.

I already said I would

and it proved that I would.

And I would buy you the future shit.

Okay, fine.

This is it.

You show your love language is buying gifts

and mine is doing physical support. Now we're getting somewhere.
Your love language is here. is i'm gonna do for you now we're gonna yeah it's gifts that's my love language to you am i what what does it be acts of service acts of service yes that's my look at that that's all that is is 4700 i thought that would be so much money for some reason i thought it'd be like 50 grand look at that that thing.
You can't carry heavy shit with it. It's awesome.

Can we buy one of those for the show just for fun?

Yeah, we should do it.

Just in case something happens and one of us loses limbs.

Or you know what we could do?

Put Brad Williams in it.

I don't think you'd need this for that.

Oh yeah, he's taller.

He would be taller.

Put him in that.

I see what you're saying.

I thought you meant.

I mean, that's another thing they should come up with.

Stilts.

Mechanical stilts.

For little people?

Don't they have that already? I don't think so. Well, he's got those extenders on his car for his pedals.
But it'd be weird if he had long legs and still his little arms. You know what I mean? That would be weird.
Oh, yeah. These are just for...
They're not mechanical, right? That's just a step in that man's house. That's a step stool.
Jesus Christ. Carlos? No.
They don't have it. They don they don't have it i went looking i went looking for a house today i went house shopping nice not gonna not gonna get it why um we didn't like it because the woman showing it oh yeah that's a big thing yeah i love the house and then she you know well was she flaky just a little asian girl and i just i was like no chance okay i can't buy from an as.
No, we just, no, the house didn't, no, it just wasn't right. We don't know what we're going to, we don't know.
We're going to bulldoze our house and just leave. Oh, really? I think I'm going to light my house on.
I like your house. I think I'm going to set it on fire.
I'm dead serious. Collect the insurance and get out of town.
Me and Coletta were looking for houses. We went to a house and we had this old black man as a realtor.
Your business manager? No, no he was walking backwards. So on this side, you know what I mean? We have a new fireplace, but there was a step, like two steps.
But he was walking backwards and he fell on his back and he didn't move. And me and Khaled were just like, okay, thank you.
Get in the car. Get in the car.
Get in the car. It was so weird.
He could still be there right now. This skeleton.
Tell me this. If you knew for a fact somebody died in the house, would you still buy it? Well, you know, I used to live on 1055, not 1055, yeah, Sanborn.
Yeah, on Sanborn? On Sanborn. And that brick building that I lived in, you know, Charlie Chaplin.
Yeah, I remember. He it own an insane asylum there no it was a what i thought it was a halfway house it was in the same asylum at one point wait really yeah i thought it was for drug addicts this is what i heard and then um then some when i moved in they're like yes see on that floor right there some kid killed himself jumped off that off that floor.
And, you know, those are the two things. So late at night, you know, I could hear, you know what I mean? But Charlie's- That's Charlie Chaplin doing his little- Well, yeah.
Imagine, Charlie saw someone kill himself, but he's from the silent film, he couldn't say anything. That's right.
All right. Somebody jumps and Charlie's like- Right.
Yeah. Imagine, here, this is me trying to communicate to the cops.
Somebody killed himself. You're so funny today.
Ready? You're the cops. You're the cops.
Show up on the murder scene at Charlie Chaplin's house and I'm him. All right.
Do I ring? Hi. Oh, Mr.
Chaplin. I'm a huge.
Yeah. So.
So, yeah. So there's a young man's body in the front.
Can you tell me? Can you tell me what happened? Yeah. He walked up the stairs.
Yeah. Wait, wait.
He's. He's praying.
Oh, he's crying. Oh, he jumps off.
And there's blood squirting out we said wow wow you know did you you would have a great mind i would have mined myself to the top see if i'm doing it yeah go right okay let me see i think a great mind you you can see what they're doing by their hand movements well that's literally what they need to do yeah what do you mean that's that's the one thing you need as a mime is hands yeah okay so here we go our trans friend from tiktok could not be a good what am i doing okay here we go taking a shit oh climbing a rope climbing a rope climbing a dick climbing jack and the beanstalk climbing a giraffe dick climbing i was close i got there i got there i got there you're very good dude all right uh i'm a i'm a mime alright ready what am I doing ready yeah oh I know okay can I tell you what is it you were at you were cooking at a barbecue uh huh right and then you realized there's no meat. So now you have to go to the store.
I am dead serious right now. Dude? Yeah.
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Yeah, but could I... Because I went like this.
I was flying the plane. Oh, I...
But I do get... Yeah, but that's not flying a plane.
How do they fly? This is how they fly. How do they...
But you were doing this. Well, he's steering through the air.
Yeah, but you were... No, because they're...
They're steering around clouds? Is that what you're doing? I don't know what this was. I imagine if you're going to...
Oh, birds. Birds.
Oh, birds. Yeah.
Oh, I see. I see.
Look at this. Look at me.
If I'm a pilot, or if I'm a terrorist and I'm crashing the plane, you don't just hold it and go straight. I'm sure you want to just do one of these like...
You know what I mean? And you were kind of doing this. Well, he's gripping for knuckles have some flair can i ask you a real sensitive don't put your hand like that though but yeah you're doing it again about 9 11 please you know if you miss do you get another turn around chance no the other guy has to do it right but i'm just saying that would be a bummer can you if he's like, he spent a year in flight school.
You fucked up.

Oh, fuck!

Fuck!

I mean, you would be like,

oh, can I, oh!

Can you imagine?

They get over the PA system.

They're like, we have to land the plane safely.

We missed our target.

We missed our target.

They have to land safely because they missed the target.

It would be so fucking, that's such a good sketch.

Wow.

That's such a funny idea.

Pretty dark, but sorry.

And anyone a victim of 9-11 will never forget.

Well, they're not going to be able to do that. They have to land safely because they missed the target.
It would be so fucking... That's such a good sketch.
Wow. That's such a funny idea.

Pretty dark, but sorry.

And anyone a victim of 9-11 will never forget.

Well, they're not the victim.

You mean the people in the building?

Whatever.

We'll never forget.

We'll never forget.

And we won't.

We won't.

And we do apologize.

It was terrible.

It was awful.

The Miami was great.

Thank you.

You want to do another one or no?

No? With you? No, with McCone. What the fuck are you talking about? I don't want to do another one or no no with you no with mccone what the fuck you're talking about i don't want to do with mccone yeah but let me ask you another question about mimes that i never i don't know i don't know anything about them is there a famous mime who's the world what i'm saying is i think that i think it's a dead genre of performing a dead art form oh marcel marceau right he's the one legendary around he survived the nazi occupation and say save many children in world war ii regarded by his peers style pantomime moving audiences without uttering a single word you know how he survived what he pretended he was a wall and just soldiers just walking by you know what i mean you know when they know you know what he did he was the first guy to do you know the guy in the park who paints himself the still statue during World War II he was just a statue yeah is he dead yeah he's got he's gotta be dead yeah what am I mean World War II what am I talking about holy shit Marcel Marcel huh go to his Wikipedia Marcel Marcel I want to know i want to know what his his arrow was i don't know anything about the guy he died in 2007 not that long wow we could have met him and he died in cahors france but what a life what a long life now how did he have two wives what do you mean two wives for as a mime pretty good i'd be hard-pressed to find a mime with one wife yeah how do you get them what do you mean I listen I can I be honest with you I know you're doing a joke right now but I've never seen dude I've never seen you do that just now you know what what you just did? Uh-huh.
He did a comedy wink.

A little comedy wink.

Uh-huh.

That was so good.

I got it.

Because I've seen him do that before on stage.

It's so quick.

It's a quick little snap.

It lets me know.

Let's just go with it.

Let's go with it.

Yeah.

Did you just notice that?

I've seen him do them.

Yeah, yeah.

Let me see if I can do a comedy wink.

Give me one.

Oh, no.

You don't keep acknowledging it after it's over.

What do you mean?

Because you went like this.

No, because I imagine I was on stage.

I don't keep acknowledging it after it's over. What do you mean? Because you went like this.
No, because I imagine I was on stage. I know, but you do it and keep going.
All right. So, no, but I'm on stage, right? Yeah.
Yes. Is that good? That's good, but it looked a little flirtatious.
I did? That's the problem. If you did that and a girl saw that, she might go, No, I'm looking at you.
What the fuck are you talking about? I'm a girl in the audience. Oh, I didn't know.
Yeah, I'm a girl in the audience. Oh.
Oh, you're a girl in the audience? I am. But I'm winking at you, so where are you in this scenario? I'm backstage waiting to go on.
So why would I wink to anybody? Because it's a comedy wink. Oh, so for you.
It's a comedy wink. No, you know what? I would give you a sexual wink if you're a girl in the audience I am a girl in the audience go ahead let me see the difference so anyway yeah my pop pop

no no no no no

no

that fucked it up

I've never done a sexual wink before

do a sexual wink to me

I'm on stage

you're a hot chick in the audience

ready

yeah and so

I'm back home

in the Midwest

and

I was kind of like that

yeah yeah yeah

I just imitated you

yeah

ooh that's hot

yeah winking is cool man

Thank you. Yeah.
Ooh, that's hot. Yeah.
Winking is cool, man. You are cool, man.
What's that? Oh my God. Hold on.
Before you show this, this is a clip that we saw that happened here in Long Beach. I just want to know what side you're on.
Just want to tell, just ask, just, just asking you what side you're on. Carlos, let's see it.
Wait, wait, wait. Before you even play it, I got to get my head straight.
Get your head straight. This is a test.
This is a real test. I'm going to put some dip in my mouth and I'm going to really focus.
You got to focus on what's going on. Let me ask you something.
Could I go either way? You might, yeah. And if I go the wrong way, is that bad? There is no wrong way, right, Carlos? Is there a wrong or right way? There is no right or wrong.
I love challenges like this. And let me put the dip in my mouth.
And I have another challenge for you after this one's over. I love challenges.
And puzzles. You love puzzles.
I love puzzles a lot. All right, let's see what you- Here we go.
Who would you choose? Where would you choose? A Long Beach, California homeowner says he has no regrets after shooting and killing an unarmed woman who said she was pregnant. When the time comes to defend yourself, you best do something.
The words of the 80-year-old homeowner who confronted two robbers. I walked in on them and they downed me.
They jumped on me in the hallway. But Tom Greer says he managed to get his .
caliber Smith and Wesson revolver. He says when that unarmed couple saw his gun, they took off and he followed.
The lady didn't run fast as a man, so I shot her in the back twice. She's dead and they told her off, but he got away.
She says, don't shoot me. I'm pregnant.
I'm with a baby and I shot her anyway. Greer says he has no regrets and has a warning for the alleged partner in crime still wanted tonight i shot her so that's going to leave a message on his mind it's insane it's awesome he's like i don don't even understand.
Let me ask you something. Is it so they went into his house? They broke in.
They were robbing him. Yeah.
I agree. I'm saying, but if you listen closely, he goes, she couldn't run as fast as the man.
So I shot her in the back. It was fucking insane.
This is also information that he could have kept to himself. He shouldn't have said that.

Why is he incriminating himself?

Yeah, it's like, no, she ran as fast, right?

And she had this crazy look in her eyes.

He literally goes, she said, don't shoot me, I'm pregnant.

I didn't care, I shot her anyway.

Twice, twice, my friend.

Look how old I am, twice.

That's insane, dude.

All right, whose side are you on, man? You can't break into people's houses. Okay, you're on the old man's side.
I don't know if killing them is the right move. Just shoot her in the legs.
There we go. Yeah, shoot her in the legs.
Yeah. Shoot to injure, not shoot to kill.
I mean, that's insane that he did that. That's really insane.
By the way, he's so brazen. He couldn't care less.
He couldn't. And at the end, the woman's like, Long Beach police are still looking into it.
What else do you need to look into? He literally was like, they broke in. I shot and killed her.
There's the case. So you think he shouldn't go to prison? He's going to go to prison for sure.
In the state of California, which we're in, you cannot shoot to kill on your own property. This isn't Texas.
You guys have shoot to kill laws, right? Can't you? Florida too. If someone's on your property in Texas, somebody breaksas somebody breaks in his parents house they can shoot him and kill him we can't do that in state of california you should be able to yeah this place is fucking insane there's also a defense like self-defense clauses in florida where no no we have self-defense here right but you you can't just shoot and kill someone that's on your property i think it's unless they're shooting and trying to kill you i think that that's it.
If it's self-defense, if they're shooting it.

But she didn't have guns.

He had, he was, they were, they had, they were unarmed.

Yeah.

I wonder when it is with it.

But I know in California, the laws are so fucking weird here.

You can use proportional force when you reasonably believe that you're in imminent danger of physical harm and forces necessary to stop it.

You can use deadly force if you reasonably believe it's necessary to stop an imminent danger of death.

So there, number two. If you're good.
If they're, if you're, if they're stabbing you and trying to kill you, you can kill them in self-defense. But if they don't have a gun, you can't just shoot the kill on your property here.
Interesting. In Texas, these people don't even need a reason.
If you step on their property, they show you a gun and say, I can kill you, and they can. Wow.
Fucking bonkers. I love it.
Well, remember as a kid, you'd ride a bike somewhere.

Sometimes you'd be on someone's property.

Sometimes that would happen all the fucking time.

Well, your baseball goes under the backyard.

I used to sneak in the backyard.

Please.

And then you break into their house and steal something.

That happens all the time.

Yeah.

There was a guy named Mr. Kettleman who owned a big piece of land out by my mom's house.

And he had a tire swing.

He had he had probably like three, four acres of land.

And he had a big tire swing

from one of these old fucking huge oak trees.

And nobody, he had no fucking young kids that lived there

and he wouldn't let anybody play on it.

So we'd wait till his truck was gone

and then we'd go play on it.

And he caught us one time

and legitimately yelled

that he was going to fucking kill us.

We were kids, we laughed it off.

Now as an adult, I thought,

he probably was going to go get a gun

and shoot and kill us.

Wow.

But he was a psycho old guy

And we'll see, I see. It was where he would go and he would leave.

I see.

I see.

It was a trap.

There was a pile of leaves underneath and you would fall in and you would have been a great business.

Building playgrounds for Epstein Island.

Oh my God.

Imagine.

So much money.

So much money.

He's so rich.

What are you looking at?

Flight logs.

Oh my God. He's back on Epstein's flight logs.
He he does this all the time you know when some people listen to audiobooks to go to bed are there names of people that are manifest of people on it of course like who's on it that we know that we know personally no just in in the public domain i was gonna say famous people who are on the flight logs you can google it i'm pretty sure it's it's like Bill Clinton. There's a couple of people we know that are on there.

Jesselnik, I think, was on there.

I'm kidding.

There you go.

Prince Andrew, Alan Dershowitz, Emily Taylor, Sarah Kellen.

I don't know these names.

I know Bill Clinton. I know Dershowitz.

He's a lawyer.

Yeah, Naomi Campbell, Stephen Hawking.

Stephen Hawking.

Yeah, there we go.

Stephen Hawking. Stephen Hawking.
It's insane. You think you had fun? I want to go to the island.
Why won't you let me go? Let me go. Do you think you had fun though? No, I had a blast.
One of the best times of my life. What did you do there, Stephen? Ate a lot of good food.
Hung out with good friends. Oh, there he is.

Amazing. There he is on the island.

What's so funny? That's insane.

Somebody stop me. Somebody stop

me.

Let's get into that position

he's in.

Let's get into...

Who, me? Just chilling.

Me chilling, too. Just hanging out for the day.
What a beautiful island. A butterfly has just landed on my nose.
I mean, what happens in their life, it's incredible. Like, that's an event if a butterfly lands on their nose.
That's an event for them. What does he do during the day when he's on the island? Oh, you guys are going jet skiing.
I'll just be here chilling. LOL, LOL.
He went on a tour on a submarine actually. Of the island? Yeah, that's Little St.
James. That's the island.
On the tour, yeah. Wow.
My God, how creepy is that, dude? He was married twice.ven hawk is married multiple times right yeah in that movie he like he like left his wife for some girl he met while he was in fucking grad school isn't that what it was how many times he married look that up click that yeah there you go married twice wow married to two chicks wow steven hawk was married to jane wilde for 30 years and elaine mason for 12 their longest marriage was 30 years to jane wilde and then he left and did he have a lot of money i guess right i don't know how did he make all his fucking money 20 million at the time of his death well he's an yeah an author and i think he got like grants to like study also i think he made a lot of his money like public speaking and engagement, private engagements. Yeah.
But if he was able-bodied, he could have made billions. A hundred percent.
I'm not saying that in a derogatory way. But that's why God did that to him.
I mean, imagine. He's like, this guy's going to get too rich.
Yeah, yeah. He knows too much.
He knows too much. That's incredible.
What a life he had. Incredible.
incredible incredible and he was able-bodied

for 20 what 20 years right i can't remember when it happened how old he was he was in his 20s i think when yeah when was he not when steve hung graduate school at 21 right at 21 aim fuck i can't even say that amyotrophic lateral sclerosis wow als we're commonly referred to in the u.s as Lou Gehrig's disease.

Wow.

Incredible.

But he lived so Wow. ALS.
We're commonly referred to in the US. It says Lou Gehrig's disease.
Wow. Incredible.
But he lived so long with ALS, right? Yeah. He had a slow progressive form, sis.
You guys, when I was a kid, I had a Duran Duran poster on my wall. Yeah.
And it got ripped apart in months. And it stayed up there for years.
And it tears at the corner. It looked corner.
But now we have this. This is the future, guys.
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Boxofawesome.com, code BADFRIENDS. Can you believe Jimmy Carter's still alive? I can't even see.
I've been like ghouling every day. He is today he's still alive you know what's gonna happen what we've done that on that we've done this on this show yeah when we start talking about someone they die do you know this this happened on the show multiple times i'm not kidding people have said that we've talked about someone like this and they passed it with like okay let's you know who it was you know who was fucking you just did that to Pee Wee Herman.
Pee Wee Herman. Alex Trebek.

We talked about on the show one time.

And then like a week later, he fucking died.

Sons of bitches.

Well, it wasn't us, Pete.

You fucking asshole.

Okay, let's do an experiment right now.

Exactly.

All right.

McCone, McCone, McCone.

Not McCone.

Not McCone.

Oh, okay, no.

Not McCone.

That would be too.

It would be a disaster.

Somebody.

Who's older?

Who's old? How about this? In the next year, Mitch McConnell. Mitch McConnell? Yeah.
He's so close. Yeah.
He's so close. Yeah.
By the way, he's only 81. That's not that old, but he looks wrecked.
When you see him fall asleep, when he robotically passes out in the middle of a speech. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's the fucking weirdest thing I've ever seen. I know.
You think he's going to go? I think Feinstein's going to go. Yeah, but that's obviously any second now.
Mitch McConnell, so you think he's out? I think in the next year, maybe. This has changed my perspective about age because I watched that Life in the Blue Zones documentary on Netflix.
Oh, I want to watch it. What is it?

It's the highest concentrations around the world

of the people that are

that are older than 100.

Dude, there are these people

in fucking Okinawa in Japan.

Yeah, I've heard.

I know about that.

They look like they're 70

and they're 100 years old.

And let me guess why.

Because they're Japanese.

No, that's not why.

Yes, it is.

No, because in Tokyo

it's not the same rate.

I'll tell you why.

I know what it is.

Tell me. Well, first of all, that's what the whole documentary is about.
I'll tell you what it is. What is it? Diet.
Yes, that's part of it. Okay.
There's tons of things. Community.
Yes, correct. Right.
So, community. Diet, community, and they're Japanese.
That's right. Those are three things.
So, I'll tell you what the common thread is of all these. Faith.
They all believe in something.

By the way, it's a blue zone in Japan.

There's one in Italy.

There's one he does around the world.

There's one here in Loma Linda, California.

There is the highest concentration of centarians.

Centarians?

Centarians?

What is it?

People over 100.

Centarians?

Oh, here's another reason.

Look up Loma Linda centarians.

Another thing about them is in Okinawa is that like old men and women, they do traditional

I'm going to go. people over 100 centurions oh here's another look up loma linda centurion another thing about them is in okinawa is that like old men and women they they do traditional fishing so they'll go out in the ocean and spear fish and do activities like that yes they're constantly active well here's the other thing though about all these places yeah diet spirituality they all believe in something they're all different faiths so.
Right. Community.
Yeah. Family.
And they grow their own fucking food. They grow their almost all these places, harvest their shit and they make shit by hand.
In Mexico, there was a spot. No, not.
No, sorry. Costa Rica.
There was a spot. They make everything by hand.
So this old Rolling Stone, she was making tortillas. She's like, how old? He's like, how old is the stone? She's like, I don't know, it was my mother's mother.
So this stone has made tortillas for fucking hundreds of years. Not us.
We go to fucking, we go to Uncle Paul Lee's and order, I know, you know, 6,000 calorie sandwiches and they're so good. This? They're the best.
They don't have this in fucking Okinawa. They make that.
They all work at a vape factory. They don't.
Dude, we gotta change our... Dude, bad friends have to...
We have to change the way we live our lives. Nope.
I don't want to get to 100. That's nuts.
But it's not just that. It's quality of life.
It's... They're peaceful and serene you're right like last night at two in the morning i went into a conniption fit because there's a bug on starfield right and it's like i'm already like 60 i've been playing all day every day and there's a bug and it's said online that i have to start over.
No. Yeah.
And I was like, oh my God. Oh my God.
I was like, two in the morning. I didn't even know what to do.
And that's, they don't do that in Okinawa. No, they don't.
They don't do that. They do not.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I have to change. You do.
We do. I do i do that's ridiculous i'm 52 years old you know i mean i'm fucking freaking out like that but think about it like this if you change then you can get to 100 you're only halfway through that's incredible 50 more years yeah i was i was when people die i always go okay how old were there they were 80 and then i always look back where was i 30 years ago because 52.
20. And then I go from 20 to now, how long was that? And that was a long time.
Long time. So I kind of, that makes me relieved.
You got a long time left, buddy. Yeah, but when you're somebody like Argus Hamilton, you know, the comic.
He's older. Yeah.
We're the 70, right? Early 70. 70 something, I don't know.
Maybe. That window is shorter.
I mean, how does that, I don't even know how you live but he's lived a great fucking life he's lived a long glorious life right on the tonight show more than anybody else yeah 72 years old I mean he and he and by the way still killing it at the store having a great time writing new shit every fucking day yeah loving life is always polite and sweet and nice and funny so he I love him so by the way he might dude, I've lived a full life. I'll go when I go.
I'll go whenever the fuck I go. Yeah.
One of the guys on the documentary was so funny. He's like, how do you feel about living to be 100? And he's like, I don't know if God forgot to kill me.
That's funny. I love when they're funny.
God forgot to kill me. Yeah, yeah.
We need more vegetables, more fruits, more fruits less dairy less sugar it's like no meat on all these diets no meat either well i see that's not true because some of the places did have me but it was limited meat yeah i see limited meat but this helped me i watched this because i'm reading this book from my back and i feel so different the past couple of days oh you're you're using a different method huh i do still holistic i gotta tell well yeah you see the cupping the cupping marks on my back incredible i went to acupuncture i'm doing holistic and i read this book that i suggest called the way out the way out the way out it's fucking that one right there the way out uh man it's so fucking good and so you've been applying the rules and the way out things. Yeah, so I was listening to it in the car.
I listened to the audio book and holy fucking shit. It like changed my life.
It's fucking insane. I'm like annoyed because he talks about being a skeptic.
He goes, you're probably a skeptic. He's like saying this to me in the car.
And I'm like, yep, as I'm like you probably think i can't fix your pain i go you fucking nailed it bud yeah because i'm writhing in pain most days as i'm driving i'm in so much pain yeah and then he teaches you these steps it takes a long time to get into you have to listen to all the storytelling and he gives you a lot of background and exposition give me two steps when you have pain in your body yeah because it's physical pain is what he's talking about so one of the things that he teaches there is this thing it's called um neuroplastic pain which means it's pains that when your body is healed right your body's already healed your your brain has still been you your brain is confused thinking these signals are still there and there's pain but you're healed so the arm's not broken but still feeling stuff maybe. Neuroplastic pain.
He said a high percentage of these cases they found people that are in heavy pain throughout their life, chronic pain, it's neuroplastic. It's kind of fabricated.
Wow. And this, some of this, this is, I'm doing an abridged version, but one of the steps is they teach you how to sit and almost meditate thinking about literally the pain.
You're pain thinking about the pain and he takes you different steps about how you are thinking about the pain where it's moving in your body is it shaping is it shifting through your body does it feel like fire is it pins so he's talking to you about what the pain is doing and how it's doing it and how your brain is relearning itself to go, this is okay. I don't have fear of this.
Fear causes more pain. If I'd have no fear of the pain, it's not there.
Yeah. And you're literally reprogramming your fucking brain to remove fear of the pain that is coming.
It's going to get worse. It'll never get fixed.
It might come again tomorrow morning. It happens every time at 7 PM, fear, fear, fear fear fear fear and you're fucking sucking the fear out of your brain and honestly dude it's changed my fucking life i couldn't recommend that book more it's wild you could apply it to everything in your life so can you stop can you stop think about the thing that's making you mad sad or hurt and can you really dig in why am i in pain why am i sad why is this hurting me physically or mentally and you reprogram your mind to slowly pull away the fear and pull away the or yeah you can take vicodin you can take vicodin either one you could yeah you could do that i'm vicodin i saw you judging me think i i saw you looking at me.
But it's interesting. It's psychological.

Like, have you seen

old samurai movies?

Yeah.

Right?

Right?

They're in a battle.

Yeah.

One man versus one man.

They pull out the fucking thing, right?

And then an arm will slice off

and they'll smile.

Right? It's psychological. Through the stomach.
You'll pull it out. Yeah.
Right? Yes. And they keep going.
Head falls off. Puts it back on.
Puts it back on. They say that, right? And then once he kills the guy he just falls and dies

it's amazing

all samurai movies are like that

it's in the mind

this thing helped me out tremendously

it's actually for life as well

that's what the book is about

how do you sit in it

feel it

you gotta feel it

it's dope as shit

I can tell you that I'm fucking in love in it? Yeah. Feel it.
You got to feel it. You got to fucking feel it.

It sounds psychedelic.

It's dope as shit.

I can tell you that.

I'm fucking in love with it.

So are you, is the pain subsiding?

Yeah.

I mean.

You seem like, because I've never, I haven't seen you like this in months.

When I pulled up, you opened the door and you had a smile on your body.

Yeah.

I had never seen anything like that.

Big smile face.

Yeah. The pain, the pain comes and goes, but I'm learning to fuck it off.
Fuck it off. Get the fuck out of here.
Wow. Get the fuck out of here.
But I don't really need to read the book then because I'm not in pain. You're not.
Okay. But I'll tell you, I want to tell this one story real fast that they talk about in the book.
This is one of the greatest tricks of all time. They tried to find out how prevalent neuroplastic pain is and they took these case studies and they did this a bunch of different ways a bunch of different times this one's the most interesting to me by far this is incredible scientifically there is no such thing as chronic whiplash right like people that get in a car accidents they'll say i got whiplash it's a diagnosis for either a bruising or a aggravation of the muscles or the tendons right this happens a lot people getting like little fender brothers and they say oh well what you're experiencing is whiplash when they go to the doctor right they give pills and most people are fine in a couple of weeks some people say they experience remnants of the whiplash days months years down the road it comes back right they did this study to find out because it's been proven that whiplash chronic whiplash doesn't exist once the neck is healed that thing that you're thinking is the pain it's not that's not true it's there is nothing they're harboring it so they put all these people in a car in a fucking test facility and they jolted the car a little bit just a little bit like an inch not anything, crashed a bunch of glass and stuff and had lights and sound, loud, heavy sound to emulate a car crash.
All of these people thought they had whiplash. All of them.
Wow. There was no accident.
They barely moved in like this, like this, an inch in their seats. So all of them reported feeling the thing saying, I got whiplash.
Yeah, I had a i had 100 and 68 percent of these fucking people said they had physical effects from the whiplash days weeks later yeah when they told them never happen these people were befuddled they were like i was in the accident like no you weren't we'll show you the footage it never happened all of them all of them said oh yeah i guess no i don't really i guess i don't is it the same is it the same as like experiencing trauma as a child huh you know how you experience trauma as a child and then years later you're in a scenario that seems similar you meet somebody that reminds you of your dad or whatever and all those things come back up is it the same theory there or no because you're psychologically telling yourself that that's the reality there was a guy there's one more quick story there was a guy who was a worker at a construction site he stepped on a fucking nail the nail went right through his boot everybody saw it he was writhing in pain pulled the fucking pulled his boot up and the nail was in the boot and they and they he he was grabbing his leg they took him to the hospital they took off his boot and they found out where they cut the boot the nail went right through his toes right through didn't puncture anything no blood no nothing he himself was like wow i was sure that i was stabbed i felt it i felt it go through my foot he felt it go through his toes he assumed this is it so psychologically this is an example in the book they say of like the brain is so fucking powerful it made this man think he was stabbed in the fucking foot he felt the pain in his leg like he was stabbed yeah i've seen a test where like they put like you hide your arm or whatever and they put a fake arm. Yes.
And they smack it with a hammer. And you go, ah! Right, right? Yeah, and you think you feel it.
Yeah, yeah, you think you feel it. It's so weird.
What the book is saying is that pain exists. It's just a lot of pain is neuroplastic that we've exacerbated because we've tricked our brain into thinking this is how we should be suffering from the pain and feeling from the pain so then your body reacts accordingly you overcompensate right and it's wild it's it's what the mind can do is amazing incredible like even like when i you know talk to young comics i was telling angie this we were having dinner and she goes like how do you do it this and angie that didn't go to your party yeah yeah she's a's a young comic and i go and i go you know i'll be honest with you like i'm literally the laziest dude you'll ever meet i can vouch for that that's not a bad thing not at all right i've never done anything right so the two things i've done is i've always shown up yeah so i've gone on stage you see me at the club you show up i show up to auditions and stuff like that right unless you have to cancel right and number two there is a belief i've always believed that i was funny and talented and was gonna make it yeah did you believed it too in you yeah no you believed in yourself be honest not all the time no just you can't have that 24 hours a day but i'm just saying for the majority of the part, really deep inside, I just knew that I- You had something.
This is the right direction. And it was going to all work out.
And I visualized the way I think I wanted my life to be. And it just kind of slowly fell into place.
Yeah. You know what I mean? A lot of it's mental.
It's psychological. Manifestation.
It is. I don't know.
That word, people throw that around. I don't know if I want to use that word, but it is.

What word did he throw?

Manifestation.

Oh, I thought he said the N word.

I thought that's what you were throwing around.

Yeah, yeah.

That's why you said they throw that around a lot.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

Oh, what's going on here?

Well, I want to show you something.

Yeah.

McCone sent me this.

Now, by the way, you want to get, you want McCone to be on your shit list more.

McCone sent this to me and he goes, Bobby's got to see this.

Okay.

Wow.

You did that? Yeah. Okay.

This is a, dude, this is a real thing.

Show him.

Lid lifts for babies.

This is a real thing that

they do. Lid lifting.

And it works. Look at you.

What do you mean? Well, it works

on you.

Oh, you think without that I would just be skin over my eyes well didn't you talk didn't you get lid lifted no dude i think that's they're doing that so that their kids get rounder eyes no i have no idea why do they do lid lifting in japan yeah why do they do that uh lid lifting with tape in japan though but you know it is in japan that Yeah, yeah yeah lid lifting but famous the eye glue they do eye glue i mean it it's definitely just to look more western i don't know what they were doing i have no idea i figure that's why we brought it in to see if maybe you had an answer bob well sankapool is a operation that um my mom got and all my uncle's aunts sankapool in korean is sankapool and sankapool is an eye operation to make my mom got and all my uncles and aunts. Sankapul? In Korean, it's Sankapul.
And Sankapul is an eye operation to make... My mom got the eye operation so she can look more Western.
Are you serious? I swear to God. Type in Sankapul Korean.
I don't know. I mean, I think I'm pronouncing it different, but it's Sankapul or...
Right there. Yeah, Sankapul.
See? So, Sanp kaku san paku yeah significant white part is visible so sankapu eyes means so they that's a physical surgery that people do in korea all my uncles and you know also they used to do in the 70s not only would they get sankapu sankapu they would get their hair permed the Is that a two for one? Can you get that done at the same time? Yeah. So they all look like, what's that Bob, the painter? Bob Ross.
You all kind of look like Bob Ross. Yeah.
Yeah. I mean, it was crazy.
Because I like one year I would, I'd be a kid. I would look at my Uncle Han, right? And I go, hi, Uncle Han.
Literally a year later, he came back. He didn't live in our city.
Yeah. I saw him again.
I did not recognize him. But he did have a canvas and some paint.
And he kept going, happy trees. Yeah.
But my mom goes, when you're older, I get San Kapu. I don't want it.
So how old was your mom when she got Sanpaku? In her 20s.

Late 20s.

But you don't, you're, why would you do it?

It makes a complete difference.

But your eyes are big.

No, they're not.

Your eyes are as big as my eyes.

What's wrong?

Oh, no, I was seeing if he had Sanpaku eyes.

He does not.

I was just, yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, it would.

Wait, do I have?

Oh, no.

Sanpaku is just three sides of the eyes are white. So it's just, for bigger eyes yeah it's a bigger eyes yeah but Asians don't have that a lot so they get the surgery how do you know racial profiling oh yeah yeah wait look at me your eyes are the same size as mine my eyes are as open as your eyes I don't think so dude I don't I don't have big eyes.
I don't have big eyes. Then you need some kaput.

Let's get it together then. Yeah, we'll get it

together. But I refuse to do it.
Like I refuse

to do... I was like, mom,

I don't want to look like white people. No.

And she's like, you become more accepted.

I'm like... You can't get more

accepted than you are. I'm like, yeah, because

things change. But I guess in the 70s...

Right. It was...
Maybe

it was like there's some sort of pressure that they had. But here's the thing with doing a lot of stuff to your face and your eyes i saw a girl today that had a lot of stuff done and she was like maybe 25 years old and you're like you're not even face isn't even done yet you know like i don't think your face is done till you're like 30 once you hit 30 your face kind of is what it is for the rest of your fucking life and why is it when they get the old ladies in the like if you go to beverly hills you see like a bunch of 50 year old 60 year old ladies with all the bow ties they all look like benedict cumberbatch don't they they look like benedict cumberbatch i do especially if they have short hair yeah though so this is a woman who had sanpaku so there we go what go.
What's better? That looks identical. What's the difference? The white under the eye.
I like the before. Yeah, me too.
I think that's how her face is supposed to look. Yeah, I like the before too.
It's weird. God made you perfect.
That's not Korean. That's Filipino, it looks like.
No. Give me a Korean person with sankapu.
God made you perfect the way you are. I always felt that about myself.
That's how I feel.

Oh, like K-pop stars do it all the time. Oh, wow.

Yeah, look at them. They do it all the time.

And this one says Sambagian

eyes. What's Sambagian

mean?

S-A-M-B-E-A-G-A-N

Sambagian.

What does that indicate?

Oh, it's like a superstition maybe.

Oh, it means ill-fated. Individuals with Sampaku eyes are considered ill-fated and destined for a life filled with misfortune.
That's why I didn't get it done, maybe. Yeah.
Whoa. And look at your mom.
She's filled with misfortune. We call her misfortune.
She really is. Well, we call her misfortune.
If you look at my mom's life, there's so much misfortune in it. I'm being real.
In your mom's eyes? No, in her life. Yeah, because, yeah, your fucking dad.
Yeah dad. Yeah Raising you two, you know what happened? You know, I told you the aunt story.
Huh? Dude, I can't believe I've never told this story before what we did it's fucking insane. What is it? So during the Korean War, well, you're laughing McCone Okay He likes physical yeah, he really does does like Prats like well here let me throw let me throw something at his head yeah he lives prompted so when my mom so you know i've been to my um mother's house where she grew up and it's on this hill it's generations live there it was in a part of seoul maybe a residential district but during the korean war you'd have i remember this winding road that came down so they lived on top of this you know there was like four or five houses on top of this hill and you had to walk down this thing and my mom's job during the korean war was to walk my her little sister my aunt to to school right what's it anyway and so one day they were walking down the thing and then my mom forgot like a book.
She told my aunt, stay here. I'm going to go run and get my book.
And when she came back, this is terrible, a military truck had whizzed around the corner and ran over my aunt. And mylos what what what dude and i was it an american truck no it was like a korean military truck but here's the worst part there's worse oh way worse okay way worse so it was this is one i don't know why my mom would describe this

in detail but he did do it as her let me hear it as your mom so i come down the baby i come down you know one side of the street her head other side of the street her leg and then on the middle row

everything inside

I go

oh no

I don't know what to do. It's awful to me.
So I run back up. I tell your uncle, right? You know, auntie or my sister, she dead.
So they had to take empty rice bag no yeah no yeah yeah we had to empty

a rice bag i go what i was like you guys have lunch what the fuck you talking about they threw

away good food so they took these bags and because there's no ambulance during the war

this is the what 50s yeah right and they they ran down and they had to pick up parts of my aunt

I'll see you next time. and because there's no ambulance during the war this is the what 50s yeah right and they they ran down and they had to pick up parts of my aunt oh my god put it in the rice bag and then my mom goes for years you know i could never sleep yeah no shit no shit i go no shit how does she still eat rice i know right Right So And then she comes to America And she meets my dad Who's like Violent Abusive alcoholic Like an abusive rageaholic So she would get beat by him Right So she And if I guess God knew that she was gonna get the operation God gave her San.
I don't know. Wow.
But it was a tough life. That's insane.
It's a tough life, yeah. What can we do to make your mother's years now more better? What can we do to better your- She's- she right now is living her best life.
Good. Because she doesn't have to deal with my dad.
She doesn't have to worry about money because I, you know, I hook her up. Can we find her love? No, she doesn't want that.
No, I don't mean sexually. I just mean a companion.
Well, my brother was just out there for two weeks. That's not what I'm talking about.
I don't know. She doesn't, she's like, you remember when she was at the Arizona show? Yeah.
And her and I were sitting on the couch and she was just on our gadgets just like on our gadgets she was on her ipad you were on your iphone iphone right that's she's that's it that she's content but i mean like don't you think she could benefit from a companion because she goes in the morning she goes to exercise she doesn't like people in that way right she doesn't no some people don't need it it would be a do you think do you think you're that way could you when you get older just be alone and you're okay with being alone? No, some people don't need it. It would be a...
Do you think you're that way? Could you, when you get older, just be alone and you're okay with being alone? No, because I don't think that I've experienced the kind of trauma that she had. I also think you love love.
You love... I do love love.
Companionship. Yeah, I do.
I need it. Could you be alone, Carlos, for the rest of your life? Yeah.
Yeah, you could. I can't believe I never told you that story before.
I thought you said your aunt...

I know you said your aunt died,

but I thought she...

Well, first of all,

you know I have 28 first cousins.

28.

I know.

And I have a bunch of uncles and aunts.

And they're all dead.

No, a lot of them are alive.

Did anybody else die tragically

at the hands of a military truck?

Petey, could you be alone in your remaining years of life? Oh hell no yeah no you need a companion i need someone yeah and mccone you don't get to answer you couldn't be alone he likes he's he's a little sweetie pie too he likes love he loves love but the one thing about my mom that this is serious and i've i've i've like I've called people.

She's got a great ass.

That I want to say.

It is plump.

That dump is plump.

I talk to my therapist and I go,

is there anyone that you know that speaks Korean,

a therapist, right?

And she didn't know any, you know what I mean?

There's got to be that online. You've got to Googleorean therapist in phoenix in phoenix google korean therapist in phoenix yeah i i would i wish you would do that find korean therapist and psychologist in arizona there you know but let's find her one let's get her someone to talk to we can pay for it yeah i would like her to do that but if but i brought it up and she's like let's go through do you want soul key oh jenna's hot all right that's not the point do they speak korean though yes soul key is fucking her profile's in korean oh jesus yeah you're right you're right i'm gonna ask my mom if she's she's willing save the profile i'm dead serious save this so you might not be willing though call her and ask call your mom and ask it's for the show i don't want to bother her but okay hold on tell you're with me she loves me she does love me dude whenever i talk to her she's excited to hear me she's she's gonna go no she's gonna watch watch she's gonna be so like what are you talking about it's 125 i don't care about that i know i'm just saying.
Okay. $125 per session? Yeah.
Bad friends will pay for it.

I like how she answers. She goes...

Hello?

Yeah, I'm here.

I'm in LA. How are you?

I'm fine. Where are you?

What are you doing? I said LA.

Are you awesome? I'm a senior. I'm fine where are you what are you doing I said LA oh you are I'm a genius my kid I'm a moon I'm a moon I'm a moon I mean you're on bad friends right now don't worry about it but me and Andrew want to know would you ever want a therapy therapy for what I mean just if you want to do you mean, oh, you know, sometimes I'm under the weather, you know, just one day.
No, but how about your sadness? Are you sad or no? No. You're never sad.
I'm never sad. You're super happy.
Super happy. Okay.
Remind her about her sister. As a matter of time, I'm super happy.
Okay, good. if but if we got you a therapist would you talk to someone who speaks korean oh my ability oh my no we found a crew we found a girl that we found a korean therapist in gilbert and i was i was wondering if you ever wanted therapy that we could get you her.
Maybe I could one time. You want to try? Because, you know, outside I'm happy, maybe inside I'm not.
I know, because I feel like you don't talk to people about your feelings and your emotions and how you feel. Yeah, I can do it.
We all do therapy. We love it.
We're going to try it. We all do therapy.
We're going to try it with her. Because you know why I bring it up? Because we talked about, remember your little sister?

Oh, Juga-nan?

Yeah, what's Juga-?

Don't speak Korean.

Try speaking English.

You mean my younger sister?

Yeah, what happened?

Good one.

She died when she was-

Okay, okay.

It's fine. But anyway, I love you, Mom.
I miss you. I miss you.
I miss you too. Okay.
Ask if she misses me. Do you miss Andrew? Andy Troy? No, that's our cousin.
You know my friend Andrew, the redheaded guy? Oh. That's the guy Andy Troy.
No, he's right here, Andrew. You remember Andrew, right? Yeah.
Yeah, she does. Do you miss him or no? Oh, yes.
Very much. I love you.
I love you, mom. Oh, I'll cry.
Okay. All right.
So if you ever need help, I'm here, okay? Okay. Okay.
Think about it.

I'll pay for it. I pay for it.

Sometimes I'm thinking

maybe after they're gone,

you know,

maybe I don't feel,

you know,

I don't express

maybe inside I am,

you know?

Yeah,

I really want you

to see a therapist

and she speaks

full Korean,

this lady.

Oh, really?

Yes.

So let me know

if I can set it up, okay? English, I cannot express, but how I can do, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really, let's try it one time.
What do you think? Yes, just one time. Okay, okay.
All right, I love you. I'm going to hook it up.
Okay. Okay.
Nah. Bye.
Bye. I love you.
I love you too. I'm so fucking excited.
This'm sorry for bringing it up. Well, why would you say it? I was just kidding.
I know because you were saying bring it up. No, I didn't mean it.
It was for the show. I was joking for you.
Yeah, but I thought you... She can't hear me.
You can hear me. I think you went at me.
I did. It was a little comedy wink.
I gave you a comedy wink. By the way, you know we grew up the same way in that, right?

Irish people, we just don't.

Yeah.

Irish Catholics just don't talk about stuff.

They push it away.

It didn't exist.

It's okay.

Dark shit that happened to someone,

like if a kid died or something tragic,

we just don't, they don't talk about it.

So we grew up in that same world of like,

don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, but we're going to blow up an English building.
The fuck you're talking about? He knows. There's something about Irish Catholics.
Yeah. They just don't.
Well, I mean. They drink away their feelings.
There's something about like the Irish and the Asians. They built the railroads.
We were bonded from the beginning. I think we're bonded from, we're bonded, dude.
You're my best friend. Oh're we're bonded dude you're my best you're my best friend hey you're my best friend

thank you for being a bad friend Yeah. Woo.
Yeah.

Woo.