Happy Stardew Birthday, Bobby

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Speaker 1 Hey! Hey, friends, on tour, don't miss out! Yes, we're going to be in Boston, Massachusetts, Boston,

Speaker 1 Massachusetts, Washington, D.C., October 21st, Denver, Colorado, October 28th.

Speaker 1 Then we go to the Midwest, we go to Milwaukee, Wisconsin, November 24th, and Chicago, Illinois, November 25th, right after Thanksgiving. Minneapolis, Minnesota, November 30th.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's where you're from, baby. And then we finish it out in Madison, Wisconsin, December 1st.
You got to come see us. Go to badfriendspod.com for tickets.
Badfriendspod.com.

Speaker 1 Also, a little hint for the inside fans: fans: we might be adding a ton of dates come in the new year. Oh, we are.
We might be going international, my friends. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Go to badfriendspod.com for tickets. Badfriendspod.com.
Hey, bad friendspod.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. We don't have a Patreon.
We got a Patreon. I'm so excited.
I know. And I'll tell you why we have a Patreon.
Why, why? People are like, oh, why do you guys have a Patreon?

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something. Because we're putting out more content on there.
We have behind-the-scenes stuff from On the Road, in which Lil McConney put together.

Speaker 1 Also, we have not really a bonus episode, but it's another extra little thing that we put on there.

Speaker 1 There's fun stuff we put on there for you guys to enjoy. If you don't want to join, that's fine.
Just still remain a fan, and the episodes will come out every single Monday.

Speaker 1 But if you really love us, you can join, and you'll get the episode on Friday, ad-free.

Speaker 1 You can have fun with us, and we're putting up more stuff as we go. It's being added as we go and edited.
So the Patreon will be there. Go to patreon.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 Bad friends, right? Is that patreon.com? Bad friends.

Speaker 1 Patreon.com/slash bad friends to sign up today. The link is in the description below.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. Are we ready to get started? Is your mic broken?

Speaker 1 I don't like the way it is. Well, you crank it up this way.
See how I have it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, will it? Oh, there we go.

Speaker 1 Of course, it will. It cranks up.
A little blue chew. Should we stay? A little blue cheek in the microphone? Should we start the right way?

Speaker 1 They're really hard to blow. Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday to you.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday

Speaker 1 I got to tell you,

Speaker 1 that did look like KKK for some reason. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is that? What's KKK in Korean? Oh, it means white power.

Speaker 1 That's the same thing it means with us. No, I know.
We're not so different. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Welcome back. Jetsky Juicy Johnson is back on the show.

Speaker 1 It's my birthday episode. It's a birthday episode.
I realize. I didn't realize.
Happy birthday. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 I like that shit. 52 years old.
Look at you. 52 years old.
Still playing Starfield video games all day long. No life.
Your loser. You look so Korean.
You look so Korean. I do.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, my birthday. Holy Molly.
So explain to all the viewers that are watching right now. We're wearing Stardew Valley costumes for your birthday.
I don't know why I stopped playing it. Who am I?

Speaker 1 You're Harvey in the game. You're the town doctor.
Harvey Weinstein, the town doctor. The town doctor.
And he likes.

Speaker 1 Come to my room. I'll take care of it for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And then you're Emily. She's got a lesbian.
She works at the bar. She's a lesbian that works at the bar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, art imitating life.

Speaker 1 And I'm Sebastian, the email guy that lives up north. Hell yeah.

Speaker 1 Where, dude? Like Portland? Where do you live, Doug? Oh, just up north in the mountains, Van. Oh, sick.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 Abigail's not here yet. But so can I just say what happened yesterday's? What happened, kiddo? So, you know, I had Robert Kennedy Jr.

Speaker 1 on, and I wrote one joke, and I wasn't able to tell the joke because I got scared. Tell the joke.
Well, you know, because I go, well, because his wife was on it too. Yeah.
Cheryl Hines. Cheryl Hines.

Speaker 1 So they're on it and I, so I do the setup. I go, hey, do you guys fart on each other?

Speaker 1 Come on. And right when I said that, I realized I couldn't do the joke.
Why not? Because that, their campaign manager went, No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. And then it was almost as if, like, what the fuck? They've never been asked that.
You didn't do any other Kennedy stuff, did you?

Speaker 1 No, I had a bunch of stuff written, but after this, what I was going to say is, if they'd said we fart on each other, then I'd go, does your fart sound different like your voice?

Speaker 1 That would have been a good joke. I feel like that would have been received by you.
I know.

Speaker 1 But because I set up the fart thing and they didn't respond to that, I couldn't do the fucking, does your farts sound like your voice? I get it. Yeah.
I get you. You had to bail.
Yeah. I bailed.

Speaker 1 You said you were really nervous. Oh, I was pacing back and forth.
Because I've never had like a politician and stuff. He's not really a politician, is he?

Speaker 1 Was he not in the Congress?

Speaker 1 I thought he was a YouTube guy.

Speaker 1 Robert F. Kennedy Jr.
I'm also a huge fan of Cheryl, too. She's the shit.
She's the shit. Yeah, she's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 What a power couple, huh? Politics and Hollywood, the ultimate cabal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How much baby blood do they have at their house? Huh? Oh, so much. So much.
Good babies, too. They have Obama baby blood.
Obama baby blood. Obama baby blab.

Speaker 1 Obama, Obama, Obama baby blood. Obama, Obama, Obama, baby blood.
Oh!

Speaker 1 What time is it? What time is it? She's late and she knows it. Yeah, yeah.
6.05.

Speaker 1 And you're running late, but you showed up. Let's give it up for the Rudy Jules.
Put on that wig. Put on the wig.
And there's a choker, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Carlos, for some reason, is really pushing the choker.
It's a part of the costume. Uh-huh.
All right. If the village people were stand-up comics, let's go through that photo down.

Speaker 1 That one, and let's see who.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 Craig Robinson. No.

Speaker 1 In the middle. Yeah, Craig Robinson.
Top left. Wait, wait, wait, let me...
Chris Spencer. Chris Spencer.
Yeah, yeah. In the middle of the Indy.
Charlie Finn. Not Charlie, Charlie Hill.
Charlie Hill.

Speaker 1 Charlie Hill. Charlie Hill.
Who's on the far right? Shane Gillis. Shane Gillis.
And then who's the bottom right? That's another. There's three blacks.
That's Tony Hinchcliffe.

Speaker 1 Well, that's a black guy. Yeah.
And the far left is... It's got to be me.
I got to be the band. You're not in it.
Oh, fuck. I hate to tell you, you're not in it.

Speaker 1 Oh, the guy, the far left is Jesus Trejo. There he is.
There he is. Yeah.
They should remake it. Look at the Rudy Jules back in.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you one last thing I think think about the village people, though? And I don't even know.

Speaker 1 And excuse me for even asking this question. I really don't know.
Okay. Are they all gay? No.
None of them know. Only one of them is gay.
Be real. How many are there? Let's guess.

Speaker 1 Okay, out of the six, let's just, before we go. Before you Google that, the obvious answer is all of them.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine being the one not gay guy in the village people?

Speaker 1 They're out having fun every night after shows. Yeah, and he is going back to the hotel room.
Just to read a book? Yeah, he's just bum. Imagine that one of them is really religious.

Speaker 1 He just goes and reads a Bible in the room while these guys are having fucking popper orgies. Right.
By the way, if they were still around, they are still around. Are they still dead?

Speaker 1 Are they touring? I mean, if they're touring, Carlos should go to a show. Oh, that'd be so cool.
That's where you'd find all that you're looking for. Everything you're looking for is there.

Speaker 1 Are the village people still touring? Glenn Hughes, the biker, despite the stereotypical connotations that surrounded his character, is straight. Wow.
There you go. Wow.
Here we are. Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Here we are, dude. Randy Jones, cowboy is openly gay.
Felipe Rose, the Indian, is openly gay. Victor Willis, the cop, his sexuality is unknown.
Let me just throw my hat in without getting to it.

Speaker 1 No, you can't. Point of your fingers.
Wait a minute. Glenn Hughes, the biker, isn't gay.
He's not gay. The one that we thought was riddled with AIDS.
Yeah, the one that we thought had the most.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he has no age.

Speaker 1 Well, you don't know that. Oh, that's true.
I don't know his extracurricular activities.

Speaker 1 By the way, these guys, imagine after a show, the amount of dick that these guys get. And then Glenn Hughes has to sit there and pretend.
Look at it, I'm Glenn Hughes.

Speaker 1 You You guys are the village people. This is the after-party.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, Glenn.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up? You having fun?

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay. Great show.

Speaker 1 It was such a good show. Dude, your ass was jigging.
Oh, cut it out. Your ass was jiggly, jiggly, jiggly, jiggly up there.
Please cut it out. No, anyway, um, hey, do the thing that you did.

Speaker 1 The improv jiggly thing you did on stage.

Speaker 1 The show is over. Put your pants down and do it.
The show is over. Put your pants down and do it.
The show's over, please. Come on.
Guys, please stop making me do this.

Speaker 1 I don't want to do this anymore. Anyway,

Speaker 1 I'm a man of the Lord. Hey, you want some of those popsicle?

Speaker 1 Is it a popper popsicle? No, it's my dick. Oh, that is?

Speaker 1 There's never a stick at the end of these things.

Speaker 1 It'd be such a bummer to be backstage. The amount of dick they would get would be absurd.
And then this guy would have to chill. That's not true.
What if they're all in relationships?

Speaker 1 Okay. No, I'm being real.
Now you're making an assumption.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Anderson just making an assumption that these guys are like still single.
Yeah, based on

Speaker 1 some of the more popular ideologies of touring gay superstars. Liberace,

Speaker 1 committed relationship. Maybe.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Elton John was?

Speaker 1 Committed. No.
Yeah, he was not? I hung out with Elton John. Oh, you fucked him?

Speaker 1 You know what? A girl doesn't kiss and tell. Yeah, yeah.
Rudy Jules, welcome to the party. Hello.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Why do you think we're doing this episode today? Because it's your birthday. And you didn't say shit yet.

Speaker 2 Because I'm waiting for you to be finished.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's doing the polite thing now. Oh, that's so nice.
Um, sing happy birthday right now in Tagalog or in your light, whatever it is.

Speaker 2 We just say, we just sing it.

Speaker 1 No, sing it. I want you to hear it in a different language.
You're relate, so you have to sing to him.

Speaker 2 Witlang.

Speaker 1 Witlang. That's it.
That's how cool it is. That's it.

Speaker 1 That's how fast.

Speaker 1 That's a great song. It's so quick, but to the point.
If you slow it down, if you translate, it's happy. Happy yes.

Speaker 1 Given they don't say that often out there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
You never hear Witlang. Go ahead.
Yeah, Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Did they sing the Christmas songs as well?

Speaker 2 There's like English and there's Tagalog.

Speaker 1 I know, but you celebrate Christmas there? Yeah. Can I say something? What? Look at me right now.
Santa doesn't go there. Santa doesn't go there.
No chance. Yeah, he does.
Oh, really? Yeah, you think.

Speaker 2 It's the happiest there. Every Christmas.

Speaker 1 You think

Speaker 2 every Christmas, and there's always.

Speaker 1 Imagine what Santa has to do. Santa has to go to all the states, all the cities in America,

Speaker 1 all of Europe. You think he goes to America first?

Speaker 1 No, definitely. L.A.
first. Yeah.
Yeah, L.A., New York. LA, New York.
Chicago, Atlanta.

Speaker 1 He's done. He's in London.
It's 5.30 in the morning. Son's coming, right? Elf calls him.
Hey, hey, you forgot.

Speaker 1 Hey, boss. It's a Filipino Elf? No, I don't know.
Hey, boss, you forgot. You forgot.
You forgot to dirt the gifts. Yeah, you forgot to go to the Philippines.
Oh, no. Yeah.
What is he going to do?

Speaker 1 Bail. Bail.
Yeah, he's going to bail. He's like, I'm not going to get

Speaker 1 across the Pacific.

Speaker 1 I go to that little island. What the fuck? And then, what does it give you guys? Pineapples and coconuts.
What give the fuck? You guys pick those. Pick them.
Sing it right now. I want to hear it.

Speaker 1 You don't even know the words. Maliganyang.

Speaker 2 Maligayang Ka Arawan.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 I don't care.

Speaker 2 Maligayang Ka Arawan.

Speaker 1 Maligayang Ka Arawan. Mali Gay Yang Kan.
Maligay Yang. Maligay Yang Kang.

Speaker 1 Now, how often do you sing happy birthday to someone you love in the Philippines? Do they never sing?

Speaker 2 We sing, but it's in English.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're stealing our culture again. Cultural appropriation.
Do you guys steal Fourth of July? You can't.

Speaker 2 You can't.

Speaker 2 You got to win that.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you got to win that, man. Undefeated.

Speaker 1 Undefeat. You guys have Black History Month? No, we don't.
Fuck you. You should have one.
Yeah, you really should. Yeah.
How many black people are in the Philippines? 16, I think, less than people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Wait, do you guys have Gay Pride Month or any of that stuff?

Speaker 2 I think so, yeah.

Speaker 1 You think so? You would know. You would know.
You would know. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at this. Metro Manila Pride.
Pride, safe spaces, and lab lab. What's a lab lab? It's when you get tested, tested.
Oh, tested. Oh, that's what this lab lab? Tested, tested? I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Tayo, and kolalang.

Speaker 1 So that's the Metro. Oh, there is a Manila Metro Pride 2024, gayout.com.
Why has that been clicked a bunch by you, Carlos?

Speaker 1 So zoom in. Oh, look at those.
Stop, stop.

Speaker 1 Are those your gay men? Yeah. God, look at how handsome all he looks.
He looks so good. Wow.
Let me see. Let me see.
Let me see a photo.

Speaker 1 That looks exactly like here.

Speaker 1 And then let me ask.

Speaker 1 Cute. Yeah, cute.
They're all going to be cute. Filipinos are all cute.
Once wondering what he does for a living. Let's take a guess.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He scrapes. He's a scraper.
He scrapes something. I definitely see scraper.

Speaker 1 There's no doubt. Yeah, he scrapes some sort of dried.
Something that was there for a few days.

Speaker 2 Like a dentist?

Speaker 1 On the wall.

Speaker 1 On the wall? On the wall. On a wall.
High up. High up on a wall.
He's got to have a ladder to get up there. Oh, I see what he does.
I don't know how that's going to be. I know what he does.

Speaker 1 I know what he does at all. Like a carpenter? No, not like a carpenter.
No. You know something? What? Let me say something.
A carpenter? A carpenter? Yeah. Like Jesus? What is this? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Scraping.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, no. He doesn't.
Carpenters always scrape walls, do they?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 What does a carpenter do?

Speaker 1 They build and they make houses you know how there's some like podcasts that are like for science and arts and and all that stuff and you know why we're so big in the comedy world why there is nothing smart to be gained on this show we don't know anything it's really pathetic not one person even our help doesn't know anything i know they know less than most i'm the help

Speaker 1 yeah you're the help i didn't say it but i'm what do you think you are i'm the sidekick

Speaker 1 i don't think so you know what you're not the help because you don't never help yeah that's true you're not the help is Is sidekick a Asian thing?

Speaker 1 You know, when someone said, like, you're my sidekick, is that. Am I your sidekick? Yeah, but you're my sidekick.
I'm your co-host.

Speaker 1 Wait, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 1 This is my birthday. And stop, all right? Let's get to the root of this.
You're my sidekick. Stop stick.
And I'm your co-host. So, am I your sidekick? Yeah, welcome back to the show.

Speaker 1 You're my sidekick, and I'm your co-host. Yeah, so I'm your

Speaker 1 Ed McMahon. You're my sidekick.
This is your show, and I'm the sidekick. No, No, no, no, you're misinterpreting.
Okay, go ahead. You're my sidekick.
I can't be your sidekick. Why? Because

Speaker 1 you're my little sweet guy. You're my picky little guy.
But you're my noodle boy. You're my fucking

Speaker 1 roast beef man. I'm your roast beef man.
Yeah, yeah. You can say that.

Speaker 1 I'm your left-hand roast beef. No, you're my side side.
No, I'm not your sidekick. I'm not even.
But because of the size?

Speaker 1 Listen to sidekick.

Speaker 2 He wants to be main chorus.

Speaker 1 Yeah, sidekick. Oh, what are you?

Speaker 1 Yeah, gunfire. Gunfire.
I go, hi-yah. I'm your left chef.
I'm Cato. Yeah, yeah.
Is that what you're referring to Kato? Now you're picking up what I'm putting down. Hey, Psychic's fine.

Speaker 1 If I'm Cato. Yeah, you're Cato.
Okay, good. Yeah.
Yeah. And then I'm Tanto.
That's right. Am I Tanto? And I'm John Wayne.
Yeah, beast John Wayne. He's racist.
He's not racist. Prove that he's racist.

Speaker 1 He played Genghis Khan in a movie. Pretty well.
Acting, acting. Acting, acting, acting.
And he campaigned for it. Did you know that? God bless.

Speaker 1 Has John think, look, has John Wayne said anything racist ever? Let's see. USC will remove a John Wayne exhibit after actors' racist tirade.
Oh, my, my bad. So let's see what he said.

Speaker 1 Let's see what Mr. Wayne said.
All right. You, go ahead.

Speaker 1 Zoom in. The University of Southern California's School of Cinematic Arts will remove an exhibit dedicated to John Wayne as the actor's past bigoted remarks have come under increased scrutiny.

Speaker 1 Systemic racism. Let's see what he said.
What did he say? I believe in white supremacy until the blacks are educated to a point of responsibility, the actor said.

Speaker 1 I don't believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people. That's literally.
Wait, wait, zoom in.

Speaker 1 I feel like you're improvising. Zoom in because I can't read it.

Speaker 1 Let me read it. Let me read it.
I can't fucking believe this is. I believe in white supremacy.
That alone. Take the statue down.

Speaker 2 This is out of context. Not failure.

Speaker 1 It's out of context. It's out of context.
Let me finish it. I can't believe it.
I believe in white supremacy until the blacks are educated to a point of responsibility.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't even know what he's talking about. Maybe he's not talking about people.

Speaker 1 He might be talking about about like colors of kit like mic and ike's like candy oh like licorice exactly black licorice black licorice oh i don't believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people interesting

Speaker 1 interesting interesting interesting interesting interesting by the way he said that in a 1971 interview in playboy uh that that uh that accredited uh piece of journalism

Speaker 1 imagine

Speaker 1 what if they say you know what he said you know when he said that fucking weirdo you know how sometimes like um actors what do they speak at a graduation what At a college graduation?

Speaker 1 Yeah, when they when they do the commencement. What? Commencement.
You did it at Brown University.

Speaker 1 Imagine it. Right.

Speaker 1 Brown University. Commencement.
You go do it. We're black people.
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Say it again. It's great to be here, pilgrims.

Speaker 1 Go back to the speech. Go back to the speech.
I got to tell you.

Speaker 1 Wait. All right.
Let me say something.

Speaker 1 Hold on. I believe.

Speaker 1 Let me introduce you. He always gritted his teeth.

Speaker 1 You're doing Clinise Wood, by the way. Oh, I thought it was the same guy.
No, it's not. John Wayne is kind of Clint Eastwoody.
Yeah, similar. Yeah.
Howdy, partner.

Speaker 1 I'm John Wayne. John Wayne, howdy, partner.
John Wayne kind of talked like this.

Speaker 2 This town ain't big enough for the both of us.

Speaker 1 This town ain't big enough for two of us, black guy.

Speaker 1 Hey, 2022 graduates from Brown University. You guys ready for a commencement speaker?

Speaker 1 Yay!

Speaker 1 So we're huge fans, guys, of this guy.

Speaker 1 He's the lead in so many good Western

Speaker 1 He also played Genghis Khan in a movie called The Conqueror.

Speaker 1 So give a round of applause for John Wayne, everybody.

Speaker 1 Well, hey there, pilgrims.

Speaker 1 I believe in white supremacy until the blacks are educated enough to a point of responsibility.

Speaker 1 Nobody?

Speaker 1 I don't believe in giving authority and positions of leadership and judgment to irresponsible people. Anyway, thanks to John.
It's not time. Thank you, John.
Thank you, you, John.

Speaker 1 Give him a round of applause. Oh, my God, imagine.
So they pulled down a statue of him. Is that what it was? USC? Yeah.
An exhibit. Well, that's what you get.

Speaker 1 They're not going to read.

Speaker 1 His name is still in the fucking airport in Orange County. It's still John Wayne Airport in Orange County.
Yeah. I mean, what should we take away from him? From John Wayne? Yeah.
I mean, he's gone.

Speaker 1 He's dead. What do you think? He is dead, but

Speaker 1 do we take out, give him, I mean, why doesn't

Speaker 1 we re-import?

Speaker 1 That's an even better question. Yeah, why does it matter anymore? But do you know who he is?

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 1 So, John Wayne. So, you know who Keanu Reeves is? Yes.

Speaker 2 That's his father?

Speaker 1 Yes. Yes.
That was his dad. That was his dad.
John Wayne was Keanu Reeves. Keanu Reeves is John Wayne's third son.
Yeah. You know who his other one was? John Wayne is John's middle name.

Speaker 1 His last name is Reeves. So his name is John Wayne Reeves.

Speaker 1 And you're not going to believe this, but the original Superman, Christopher Reeves,

Speaker 1 John Wayne's other son. Yep.

Speaker 1 And he was on a rhino. Yep.
Many years ago, he was on a rhino. Yeah.
Rhino back, you know what I mean, through the forest. Rhino flipped, and Christopher Reeves, his neck broke.

Speaker 2 I thought it was a horse.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they call it a horse, but it's a rhino. Yeah, it was a rhino.
Yeah. In the modern day, we would call it a horse because we didn't know what it, what it was back then.
Back then, we didn't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now. He said it was a gray, fat horse.
Big fat horse. Dude, that horse has been eaten way too much.
Way too much.

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Speaker 1 Look, I wanted to go get a little. I got a cat food the other day, dude.
I got a Zintin. I wanted to go get myself a Zin Pill.
What's a Zintin? A little lip pillow. That's great.

Speaker 1 I want to get a little lip pillow. I didn't want to go to 7-Eleven.
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Yeah, yeah. Sunflower seeds.
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Speaker 1 So the Reeves, so the Reeves, let's go back to the Reeves. Let's go back to the Reeves.
Because John Wayne Reeves. John Wayne Reeves.
I had two kids, Christopher Reeves, and he also had

Speaker 1 Keanna Reeves,

Speaker 1 the youngest. And,

Speaker 1 yeah. So, do you know who John Kennedy? They're superstars now.
Superstars now.

Speaker 2 But why is the father important?

Speaker 1 He was the star of many leading Western films.

Speaker 1 He was basically Brad Pitt back then. He was.

Speaker 2 Was he handsome?

Speaker 1 Let's put it in the face. But back in the day, he was considered handsome, I think.
Well, let's see if she likes him. There he is.
There's an image of this guy.

Speaker 1 Now, keep in mind,

Speaker 1 he was six foot three, big guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Leathery skin. He looked exactly like Trump.
He was the same height and weight. Look at him.
What do you think? No. You don't like that? You don't like that?

Speaker 1 Too much of a white guy? Yeah. Yeah, too much of a bad boy.
Look at him now. Now, do you like him? Look at him on that rhino.
Look at that brown rhino. Look at that brown rhino.

Speaker 1 Look at him on that brown rhino right there. No.
You still don't think he's handsome now? What is it? He's got a little gut then. He started getting a gut.
This was great about this guy.

Speaker 1 You could be a star of fucking film and be fat. He was fucking fat.

Speaker 1 Google John Wayne as Genghis Khan, please. I want to show you.
He played Genghis Khan. You know Genghis Khan is, right? No.

Speaker 1 Genghis Khan was like this.

Speaker 1 Genghis Khan, one of the greatest. Look at that.
He played an Asian guy in a movie.

Speaker 1 But tell me, who was going to play it better than that? I mean, that looks really good. Speaking of Asian stuff, dude, I got acupuncture yesterday.
It worked, didn't it? I love acupuncture.

Speaker 1 Did it work? A little bit, but you know, because I have the herniation in my back, so my back and my butt and my leg is all messed up.

Speaker 1 So he tapped a lot of the acupunctures in my butt, and it was wild.

Speaker 1 Your butt kind of convulses and he says, oh, it's grabbing the needle.

Speaker 1 And it grabs it and pulls it in more.

Speaker 1 So it got deeper into my butt cheeks. And then they put on the infrared.
You've done it before, right? No. You've never done acupuncture? Wow, it's incredible.

Speaker 1 And then they put on these heat lamps over you. So it's supposed to extract.
I'm normal. Huh? I'm like a normal guy.
This came from you guys. I know, but I don't, my body doesn't need fixing.

Speaker 1 Your honor, I'm going to have to disagree politely. Yeah, yeah.
Well, I don't have like, ooh, ooh. Your body's had too much fix-ins.
That's the problem. Oh, you think so? Too many fixins.

Speaker 1 Oh, too much fat. Well, fix-ins is usually side courses.
There's a main course and some fix-ins. Right.
Okay, anyway.

Speaker 1 Like when we go out to eat and you go, I'll take a steak and I'll also take everything off the sides menu.

Speaker 1 Do I do that? You go mac and cheese. Come on, Carlos.
Give me a fucking. Do I do that?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and it's awesome.

Speaker 1 It is red. Thank you.
I love it. And we're about to go back out of the door and do it again.
This poor girl has to clean up my refrigerator every week. God bless.
And I eat it.

Speaker 2 I was going to say, I bet you have some great finds in the corner.

Speaker 1 That's the scraper we were talking about. Like, what do you find? What do you find that you can eat?

Speaker 2 You keep ordering Din Taifeng, and you don't eat it. And it's so good.

Speaker 1 I love Tin Daifeng. Yeah.
It's so good. So good.
You know what it is? Yeah. What do you mean? It's soup dumplings and all that stuff.
They are so good.

Speaker 1 They're everywhere, dude. Everybody has a good one.
Everyone has one. Everyone has one.
They're also such a rip-off. It's like six dumplings for like 30 bucks.
You're like, what?

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's not like. We went there, I think, at the restaurant.
Yeah, it's not like Mr. Chow's.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I haven't been to Mr. Chow's in a long time.
25 years ago, Mr. Chow in Hollywood, I remember being an assistant.

Speaker 1 Mr. Chow was the spot for famous people to go to, but the food is medium at best.
Yeah, so I have a photo with him on Instagram. Mr.
Chow. Mr.
Chow, right?

Speaker 1 Well, the reason why is because it was at the store, and he comes, I get off stage, he goes, hey, buddy, let me talk to you, right? And he pulls me out and he goes, I'm Mr. Chow.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Where I go, I don't know, what?

Speaker 1 Like, I didn't know what it was.

Speaker 1 I go, okay, cool. He's like, come to my wedding.

Speaker 1 Why wouldn't you go to that guy's wedding? That's didn't know who he was until later. I was like, oh, he owns that restaurant.
Always say yes when a little Asian guy offers you

Speaker 1 a wedding. I've always said yes.
A little Asian guy comes up to you and goes, hey, buddy, come to the Bahamas with me. I've been to 16 weddings of people I don't know.

Speaker 1 I just little Asian people, they ask me and I go. And two of them have turned out to be famous.

Speaker 1 Ronnie Chang

Speaker 1 didn't know who he was. Invited me, went to his wedding, had a time.

Speaker 1 Who do you think the second one was? Well, I know it wasn't Ken because I was at the wedding. You weren't.
Stephen Yeon.

Speaker 1 Never met them before. Went to their wedding.
Oh, you went to Stephen Yeon's wedding. Sure did.
I had no idea. Sure did.
Is that how you got beef? That's definitely how I got beef.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine me?

Speaker 1 Wait, let me ask you. You know, remember I had to read three times for beef? Yeah, I posted a picture of it on my Instagram.
But how many times did you read? For beef? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Zero, right? No, I think I read. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, 10, 11, 15, 15, 4, 5, 3, 7, 7, 8, 9, 20.
Zero, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's not true. I read over the phone twice.
We had to do it over the phone. You read over the phone? Well, we had to do phone chemistry, Zoom chemistry tests.
We were doing Zoom tests back.

Speaker 1 We didn't do it in person. Okay.
So I did it over Zoom. Anyway.
And you weren't available.

Speaker 1 And Mr. Rehab.

Speaker 1 Mr. Rehab here.
Mr. Rehab.
Tell us what's going on in your world, Jetsky, now that you're living alone. You're free.
We're back from tour, although we're going back in literally a week.

Speaker 2 I'm headlining. I've been going around.
I just got back from Austin. I went to my high school reunion in Arizona not too long ago.
Everyone thinks I'm famous.

Speaker 1 You are famous. You are famous.
Talk about the high school reunion. Did you

Speaker 1 shake it at some of the boys that rejected you back in the day? Oh, no, no, no. Oh, okay.
There wasn't.

Speaker 1 Are you tan?

Speaker 2 I've been going outside.

Speaker 1 She's been leaving the house. Are you trying to look a particular way for the male?

Speaker 2 No, I don't.

Speaker 1 you guys

Speaker 1 slow down john wayne what man

Speaker 1 i don't like it when you get too tan pilgrim pilgrim well i went to phoenix and then austin for like two weeks and that was just it was so hot out there what it was just uh an are you showing are you showing cleavage um if i knew it would have this effect on you i would have stayed inside

Speaker 1 holy moly bling

Speaker 2 you did a great thank you for supporting us oh that was austin that was amazing i had one night off of no shows and bobby was like come by do tiger belly i popped in there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know it was

Speaker 2 as good as Bad Friends, but the crowd was electric.

Speaker 1 It was electric, yeah. It was really fun.
It was good. So you did, and you did Joe Rogan's club.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did his club. I headlined my own show, sold it out, Sunset Strip.
A lot of bad friends there. It was really exciting.

Speaker 2 The mothership was awesome. It's like a parallel universe to the comedy store.

Speaker 1 It feels similar. No, because I haven't been there.
Tell me about it. A lot of the same people that you recognize from the store work there.
So

Speaker 1 it feels like you're in a,

Speaker 1 you know, it feels, you know what it's like? It's like a, it feels like you're, you're okay. No, I can't do it.
It's okay. I don't have to do wig.
That's okay, buddy. My head's so itchy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It feels like you're at a subsidiary of the comedy store. It has the same kind of like classic comics, comic, run-the-show vibe.
Oh, I see. It's run by comics.

Speaker 1 I feel at home there, is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1 Without a doubt. I'm going back in October.
Oh, wow. You're moving down there, I heard.
You're moving in with Shane Gillis.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's got it rid of his New York apartment. We're going to just like.

Speaker 1 But do they have just like nights you can just call in response? Or is that what the deal is there?

Speaker 2 Anytime you want to go, they would love to see you.

Speaker 1 I know, but do I call what do I do? I call Adam and go, hey, can you? You can just text or call Adam. But on the weekends, they have headliner shows, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but people drop in all the time.

Speaker 1 But that's also in the Fat Man. The Little Boy has a bunch of different shows going on.
That's the secondary room.

Speaker 2 There's only two rooms. Yeah, and they're both great.
Oh, great. They would freak out to see you.
Bobby was like, nobody wants to see me there.

Speaker 1 Oh, they would love to see you there.

Speaker 2 All the door guys were

Speaker 1 such big fans. I went down there.
I did six shows. I mean, there's so many comedy fans.
It's pretty incredible. That's great.
It's pretty incredible. It's great.

Speaker 1 You okay? Yeah. Yeah, she looks at the bottom.
What's the matter? You look miserable and bored.

Speaker 2 No, I just feel like pooping, but I don't think I'm going to poo.

Speaker 1 Do you have to poop?

Speaker 2 There's a bathroom. No, I don't like pooping in public.

Speaker 1 Speaking of which, did you see this Delta flight that had to get grounded because of the diarrhea?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Somebody had diarrhea on a Delta flight.
So bad they had to bring it down, right?

Speaker 1 Delta flight disrupted by passenger with diarrhea. Somebody was spraying shit in the middle of the aisle on a Delta flight.
I swear to God. Can he just go to the bathroom or what?

Speaker 1 Or the seatbelt light was on? I think he couldn't hold it. Look at this.
Look at this. Look at this.
All over the middle of the aisle. Oh, my God.
Imagine.

Speaker 1 He was wearing pants or I think he just pulled him down because I think he was spraying shot.

Speaker 2 I think he couldn't hold it. What if you go in your pants? You couldn't hit it.

Speaker 1 No, I'd go right in the aisle like that. Really? You would? Well, yeah, the way these prices of these flights now are so absurd.
The least you can do is let me shit on the floor. What? Someone what?

Speaker 1 Andrew.

Speaker 1 Just stop for a second. Stop.
We really should. No, no, no, no, no.
Here's the deal. Yeah, you're right.
He was attempting to do a joke from a Dumb and Dumber reference. Oh.
It didn't land well.

Speaker 1 I didn't like it. It didn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 Did you just do Dumb and Dumber on SOS VHS or something? With me.

Speaker 1 And so I think that there needs to be a boycott. I agree.
So the boycott is this. That was your last straw, friend.
That's it. You and I will never do his stupid show again.
Correct. Well,

Speaker 1 we already did it once, unfortunately. We gave him a favor.
Never again. Give that mic to Carlos's side.
I want that facing Carlos from now on. Carlos? Yeah.
Yeah, face you. There we go.

Speaker 1 I can't have this guy just yab-yabbing into the mic about nothing. Because Andrew was going to do gold.
Yeah, I couldn't. I could feel it.
I had something building up. As his sidekick.

Speaker 1 As his sidekick. Ay-ya.
Ay-ya. I was feeling gold coming on, and then you, my friend, you fucking put a fucking dam in the middle of it.
Well, let's give you another chance to do this bad joke.

Speaker 1 What is it? Go ahead. Yeah, so you say what you were going to say.
No, no, no. I want to hear him do it.

Speaker 1 No, you, but he had to interrupt you. The timing is impeccable.
Don't worry. He'll interrupt me like he always does.

Speaker 1 So, yeah, it was a Delta flight.

Speaker 1 Someone did a dumb and dumber

Speaker 1 thing

Speaker 1 there.

Speaker 1 Now, I know you're editing this, but I want you to slowly punch in on yourself. Slowly zoom in on how dumb you look right now.

Speaker 1 Thank you.

Speaker 1 He thought,

Speaker 1 he's my perfect opportunity to do that dumb and dumber. Why is this inter monologue Korean? I don't know.

Speaker 1 This is my perfect opportunity to do my dumb damn damn you only get one shot you get one shot here it goes here's my timing someone did damage

Speaker 1 you can't try to throw a joke when you barely speak

Speaker 1 no it just didn't colour good not at all yeah all right so you went your high school reunion though i do want to know about this you showed up yeah did they did everyone was everyone excited to see you Yeah, and I was excited to see everybody.

Speaker 2 It was a celebration of my teacher who started the sketch comedy group when we were in high school.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's cool.

Speaker 2 Kind of just let us do whatever we wanted. And it it was fun.
I had a lot of memories come back. We used to like

Speaker 2 say crazy shit. Like, we'd play this game.

Speaker 1 Give me an example.

Speaker 2 Okay. Well, we used to, like, joke around like we were going to kill ourselves because we knew our teacher would have to file a bunch of paperwork.

Speaker 1 This is funny. So for good.
I love when people threaten to kill themselves. Yeah, I love it.
That, to me, grade A comedy.

Speaker 2 But I talked to him about it, and he's like, yeah, the kids are still doing that. So that, like, continued tension.

Speaker 1 So kids are still pretending to kill themselves.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they'll be like, hey, Navarro, I'm going to go kill myself. And then laugh because a teacher, if they hear that, they have to file a bunch of paperwork.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, the teacher came to your reunion?

Speaker 2 Yeah, so it wasn't like a typical high school reunion. It was a celebration for this teacher who started the schedule.

Speaker 1 Mr. Navarro.
Yes, Simon Navarro.

Speaker 1 So it was in the sanctioned reunion.

Speaker 2 Right. It was at the school, though.

Speaker 1 That was at the school. How many people showed up? Look at this.

Speaker 2 100.

Speaker 1 I went in my mom's high school yearbook when I was at home this past week. Yeah.
Look at me. That's you.

Speaker 1 That's me.

Speaker 1 Oh. That's me, and that's my boy boy, Dave Walton, Mr.
Buns. Mr.
Buns, chilling at North Stadium. You were a cool kid, huh?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was cool enough. I mean, I had a vibe there.
You're a really cool kid, though. How do I look? Do I look like I have a vibe? You look cute.
You look cute there, dude. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And like family problems?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I had family problems. Yeah, that's a kid with family problems.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 So cool and distant.

Speaker 1 By the way, I like it. It says you will usually see them chilling.
Me and Dave Walton chilling at North Stadium. Diverse friends? Support.
Well, yeah, bro. Come on.
What's up? Come on, baby.

Speaker 1 But I've chilled. Look at this.
Chilling at the state, supporting their teammates. This means that we weren't playing that day.

Speaker 1 We were benching. It looks like, I can't tell, but it looks like you're muscular, maybe.

Speaker 1 I was always been pretty good in shape.

Speaker 1 What year do you guys think this is? This is 19.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, what year? What grade am I in? 70. No, this is.
You're in. Sophomore.
You're a freshman. Freshman, sophomore.
What do you think?

Speaker 2 I'll say junior.

Speaker 1 Just for the sake of it, yeah. I was a junior.
That's my junior year. Oh, hello.
Wow, cool. And I went back in the book and I looked in the back.
Have you fucked?

Speaker 1 Have I fucked him? Have you fucked? No, I mean, have you, did you fuck before that? I had just fucked right before. Actually, like moments before this.
That's why I. You fucked your friend Dave.

Speaker 1 He was there. He's congratulating you.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 he was putting his arm. He's like, that's great, Buns.
I think. But I had just had sex that year right before then.
But man, the amount of gel in that hair was something else.

Speaker 1 That's all gelled out, baby. Was that the Roman?

Speaker 1 The Roman look, right? Yeah, a little Roman. This is, dude, this is the late 90s, my dog.

Speaker 1 And your friend, how come you've never introduced me to your friend Buns?

Speaker 1 He passed away. So thanks.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Lucky it's your birthday. No, really? Did he die?

Speaker 1 Oh, man. It's my birthday, man.

Speaker 1 Let me have that one. I fucked up.

Speaker 1 How about this? Yo, what's up, Buns?

Speaker 1 Yo, rest in peace, Buns. My boy, Buns.

Speaker 2 You feel like an urban medium right now?

Speaker 1 This is good. Just for you, right? Happy birthday, bro.
Yeah, Yeah, good. Andrew,

Speaker 1 he was your home.

Speaker 1 No, he's alive and well. Oh, good, good.
Yeah. I'd love to meet him.
He's the fucking. Where is he? Where does he live? Atlanta, Georgia.
How come? Did he come to our show? No, he doesn't like

Speaker 1 Koreans. Oh, shit.
He's not a big fan of Korean. No, but why didn't he come relay? No, not a big fan of Koreans.
From a neighborhood. He's fucking real?

Speaker 1 Do you know anything about blacks and Koreans?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 You mean we get along? What the fuck are you talking about? Stole their art.

Speaker 1 Who stole what art? Korean stole breakdancing. Oh, wow.
Hip-hop stuff. That's true.
BTS stole it.

Speaker 1 I don't know. No, he didn't come to the show.
But do you still talk to him?

Speaker 1 No, we haven't communicated in a long time. Why? I wish we did.
I don't know. You kind of grew, you just grew apart from it.

Speaker 1 I wish we did. I was in San Diego when my friends came, but I hadn't seen them in 30 years.
I know. None of those guys.
And this guy and I were very, very close.

Speaker 1 I mean, him, me, and this kid, Brandon Anderson, a bunch of guys from the basketball team, but it was wild. You kind of, when you grow up, you grow out and you just keep going.
And it's tough.

Speaker 1 That's why the high school union thing, I never went back to those things because I felt like I talked to the people that I kind of still knew and I just never have gone back. But think about this.

Speaker 1 I never went back. That means 30 years from now, we could be like that.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 You're 80 and you're going to show a photo of your D with a little Asian, like half of the face and the photo. Yeah.
And somebody's going to go, you're a nude podcast guy.

Speaker 1 By the way, in 30 years, I'll be 70. I'm 40.
Okay. And in 30 years, you'll be

Speaker 2 cryogenically frozen.

Speaker 1 You will be what? You'll be cryogenically frozen. Honestly, you think I'll be dead?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So by the time I'm 80, you think I'm dead? Pretty close. Yeah, but I could still be here.
You could be of this person. Let's just go back to the scenario.
Thanks.

Speaker 1 But in 30 years, you might be like, oh, yeah, it was a guy I used to hang out with. No, we'll talk to you.
Well, you and I will talk to each other till we die.

Speaker 1 So you and Dave didn't have that, what you and I have. Well, I knew Dave for a short short period of time, right? I knew him for a couple of years in high school.
That's true.

Speaker 1 I know you very well for a long time. Very long time.
That's true. And by the way, do I love Dave? I miss Dave.
I miss Dave. But you love.
You're something else. I suck your dick.

Speaker 1 It's your birthday. I love a happy birthday, I mean.
Should we 69 on a panel for your birthday? I'm not 69 years.

Speaker 1 But I read some of the comments in the back of this book. The stuff that we said, insane.
I couldn't even take a picture and put it on the show. Why?

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 Absurd shit.

Speaker 1 Like just fucking dark, weird, wild shit written in the back of those yearbooks. And I only did it once.
You know, we should bring our yearbooks there. I'm going to go back.

Speaker 1 When I'm in Phoenix, I'm going to grab my yearbook and bring it back. And just, let's just read some of them.
I would love to. Yeah, I would love to read it.

Speaker 1 I'd love to see what people wrote to you in your don't overdose on the on the horse this summer

Speaker 1 don't OD this summer

Speaker 1 I mean it's got to be something about drugs yeah yeah I had I had a weird oh did you just toot no what the fuck are you doing

Speaker 1 I didn't I had had a weird, I'll tell you one, this is wild. I think I talked about this on this show.

Speaker 1 We were driving past this guy's house that I used to remember. I'm not going to say his name, but I've told you the scenario.

Speaker 1 We used to go there to do drugs because both of his parents were deaf and he had a brother with Down syndrome. Okay, stop, stop, stop.
Wait, stop, stop, stop. There's too much information.

Speaker 1 Have I talked about this on the show? Go back again. Say it again.

Speaker 1 I used to in high school go to this guy's house.

Speaker 1 High school used to go to this guy's house. To do drugs.
To do drugs. Because we could get a drink.

Speaker 1 So you're in your car. Yeah.
You're going to the guy's house. In high school.
You

Speaker 1 walk in.

Speaker 1 There's always a lot of people. Okay, I need to just one line at a time.
Go ahead. I'm in.

Speaker 1 And his dad is probably there. And his dad is deaf.

Speaker 1 So he's basically like, is anybody here? Well, no, no, no. We knew he was deaf.
He didn't do that all the time.

Speaker 2 Just all days? Yeah.

Speaker 1 He wasn't just walking around going, anybody here?

Speaker 1 Oh, I see. He was aware that he was deaf.
Oh, so you walk in and he's like, hey,

Speaker 1 he wouldn't really say hi. He would kind of just go like this.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay, all right. Acknowledging that, he would kind of suck.
Okay, good. Sinara.
I'm in there. See, he goes, hello.
I go, what's his name? Mr. Watson? I'm not going to say his name.
Mr. Watson.
Mr.

Speaker 1 Watson. Hello, Mr.
Watson. And Mrs.
Watson, also deaf. There she is.

Speaker 1 There it is. Okay.
And then we would go into his room, and sometimes his brother would be in there who had Down syndrome. Wait, so you would go into Mr.
Watson's room? Mr. Watson's son, our friend.

Speaker 1 Oh, his son. What's his name? Fred Watson.
Fred Watson. So you go into Fred Watson's room.
You're in Fred Watson's room. And they'd be doing whippets or sniffing something.
So Fred's like, hey,

Speaker 1 Chunco. Chunko, yo.

Speaker 1 Idiot.

Speaker 1 Chunco. Sure.
What's the guy's brother's name? Willie. Willie.
That's better. Fred and Willie.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Hey, Willie. Hey, bud.
That's how he sounded? That's exactly how he sounded. I thought he had Down syndrome.
Well, you do it.

Speaker 1 No, you do it. No, you do it.
But I'm playing...

Speaker 1 I'm playing the other guy. And I'm playing Fred.
So you're

Speaker 1 Willie. you're willie yeah you're willie no yeah yeah go ahead yeah what hey willie here's some weed willie

Speaker 1 willie

Speaker 1 by the way willie didn't do drugs with us he would just hang sometimes near us oh so he's in the corner he was actually so fucking nice

Speaker 1 and by the way we'd eat lunch with him a lot of times really good kid very nice

Speaker 1 but we did we did a lot of drugs in front of him yes it was a house of of chaos two deaf parents and a kid with down syndrome and my buddy and our buddy. Wow, wow.

Speaker 1 And we could do whatever we wanted there, dude. Of course we could.

Speaker 1 Of course you could. Well, they weren't blind, but they were just

Speaker 1 as if the cops came, they were like, we couldn't hear them smoking. Like, you know, right.
I don't know. Yeah, they could smell.
They could smell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they just let us do whatever the fuck we wanted in there. It was.
He also taught me, I talked about this, I feel like he taught us IP relay. His dad let us use IP relay to play pranks.

Speaker 1 Do you know what this is?

Speaker 1 Morgan and Morgan. McCone, our buddy, got into a little fender better.
Look at his neck. Your neck okay? No, but you told us, you did say, you say, hey, man, I got a fender batter.
I'm not injured.

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It's easier than me looking at McCone and saying, you're going to be okay, little guy. Hey, small fry.

Speaker 1 Fry?

Speaker 1 Small fry? You're going to be okay. You're going to be okay.
And let me tell you something. A lot of people don't know where to turn when they get into an accident.
McCone called me.

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Or dial Pound Law, pound529 for yourself. This is a paid advertisement for Morgan and Morgan.
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Speaker 1 That's right, because I'm going on vacation and Bobby got me a little gift, which I'm not going to reveal until

Speaker 1 Viator. Well, I'm going to do more with Viator, man.
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Do more. You can do more.
You can do anything you've ever wanted to do.

Speaker 1 And when you travel, look, most people don't know what they're going to do. And you grab those little pamphlets at the airport.
Who does that? If you do that, you're done. What should I do?

Speaker 1 No, don't do that. Do more with Viator.
Get on Viator's. They got Viator.
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You're welcome. You know what?

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Speaker 1 IP Relay is a government-provided service for the deaf where what they do is you use a phone with it with it.

Speaker 1 It had a keyboard on it, internet protocol relay, and someone is on the other end receiving these calls and dictating that to you, right? Like, I'm deaf. I call you.

Speaker 1 I type in on an IP relay box what I want the person to say to you. And it's an operator that has to say everything I type.
It's a human operator. Yeah.
And everything I type, it has to say it to you.

Speaker 1 So the person would say, like, if I typed an IP relay and I was like, hey, Bobby, I can't wait to come cream out of your asshole tonight.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bobby, I can't wait to come and cream out of your asshole tonight. And that's what I would say.
You would have to say it to the other person on the other side. All right, so she's calling me

Speaker 1 on the phone. Yeah.
So go ahead. Ring, ring.
Hello?

Speaker 1 Hi, I'm the IP relator.

Speaker 1 IP relay. I'm the IP relay.
Sorry, it's my first day on the job. That's okay.

Speaker 1 I apologize. Yeah, anyway, we've got Mr.
Gonzalez

Speaker 1 that needs to have, he has a message for you.

Speaker 1 You have a tan. Why do you have a tan? Is it because you're trying to attract boys?

Speaker 2 No, I've just been out in the sun too long.

Speaker 1 And now you reap.

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 2 And then you charge Reap $50.

Speaker 1 Well, that's right. And then they would charge it.
But we would use this all the time and we would prank call tons of people and place all this random names. Oh, that's fun.
It was so fucking naughty.

Speaker 1 It was so mean. And then you'd listen to the other person had to say it.
Oh, they had to say it. It's awful.
They have to say it.

Speaker 1 It's like when they do the sign language person when we're doing a show, they have to do it. They have to do it.
So I do think there's no way they would possibly know. We had that at one of the shows.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was fun.

Speaker 2 Are they changing signs like they change words to be more progressive?

Speaker 1 Ooh, that's interesting. Look that up.

Speaker 1 That's interesting. That's an interesting thing.
Interesting. That's an interesting, interesting.
Like updating, what do you call it? Updating website. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This needs to be changed. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Location could be like this.

Speaker 1 Is sign language changing? Yeah, look at this. Is it changing over time? It must be, right? Today's ASL includes some elements of LSF plus the original location sign language.

Speaker 1 Over time, these have melded and changed into a rich, complex, mature language. But why would you, like, let me ask you something? Yeah, yeah.
Why would you change the symbol?

Speaker 1 They changed midget to little person, right?

Speaker 1 But But why can't it be the same sign language? It is. It's just lolo, lolo.
It's even lower? Yeah, it's way lower.

Speaker 1 Oh. Other changes attempt to make ASL more inclusive and accurate.
Old sign for Italy included a cross, but many Italians are now secular.

Speaker 1 The new sign traces the squiggly outline of Italy shape, the famous boot. So instead of just going like this to represent Italy, you have to fucking trace

Speaker 1 it way harder.

Speaker 1 See what the young generation

Speaker 1 made it harder. This could have been Italian.

Speaker 1 Or this.

Speaker 1 Or this. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 yeah

Speaker 1 what would the Philippines what would the sign for the Philippines be yeah

Speaker 1 whoa

Speaker 1 yeah yeah oh my yeah yeah yeah no no no I guess that's right yeah she's like

Speaker 1 dude that's that's narcissist but she said it so fast she knew that was it yeah

Speaker 1 imagine doing the symbol for all the fucking like you know Italy is the good

Speaker 1 Yeah, but then what if it just all the, like, what's Hungary? I mean, you have to trace the country. Yeah, yeah, the whole thing.
They're not all the tracings.

Speaker 1 Like, some of them, like Spain, for instance. You know what Spain is? Let me guess.

Speaker 1 Do it again.

Speaker 1 I do it.

Speaker 1 Spain. Oh, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just a piece of shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I see what it is.
Oh, this is Spain. Little tiny heart.
Look at that. Little tiny heart.
Because they do.

Speaker 1 That Spain be real. Well,

Speaker 1 they're conquerors. They're bad people.
Yeah, look at that. This is Spain, little heart.
What's Korea in sign language? God, I'm loving that. We're learning this.

Speaker 2 This is great for the people listening to the podcast.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, look at this.

Speaker 1 They want to go to the eye. Asian with Down syndrome.

Speaker 1 All right. Asian down.
Right. Wow.
I think the first one was this. Yeah, that's Chinese.
And then somebody went lower.

Speaker 1 And they went down to

Speaker 1 here, right?

Speaker 1 But we know what he means. We know what he's saying.
He's pointing at the eye. Now, what is it for Japanese? I really hope Japan is the superior.
What is it?

Speaker 1 If it's higher, that'd be great.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, it's something cool. Yeah, let's go.
It's this. They're so, so cute.
Yeah, because they always use hand. They're always about.
That's why it's this. This is Japan.

Speaker 1 No, they're taking it together separate. This is it right here.

Speaker 1 How is A?

Speaker 1 No, it's this. Oh.
It's a heart.

Speaker 1 It's a sideways heart.

Speaker 1 It is kind of fucking wild.

Speaker 1 I'm glad that we have these people at our shows. I think America should be this.

Speaker 1 This is America. Yeah, this is America.
Right? That'd be cool. America.
And this is Canada. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. Mexico.
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that'd be cool. That's good.
Yeah. What's France? France? Probably this.
Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 1 and this is England.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 That's really good.

Speaker 1 We're having fun.

Speaker 1 That's fun. That's fun.
That's fun. What do you really want for your birthday? Do you want us to give you your gifts? I think it's gift time.

Speaker 1 Can I just, can I tell you what I want? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'll text you the company, but there's this pocket pussy that I have. Yeah.
It keeps breaking.

Speaker 1 And I bought two of them already, and I guess it's not waterproof. You want us to go to you?

Speaker 1 There's one kind that I really like. What's it called? I forgot.
That's why I went to text it the other day. You'll text it and I'll buy it for you.
How much is it, though? A couple hundred dollars.

Speaker 1 Oh, kiddo, you know, I will. That's so funny.
Tom Segura and Bert give each other cars and jet skis, and I'm going to give you a pocket pussy for yourself. Very nice.
Well, let's get your gifts.

Speaker 1 Do you have a gift, uh, Fancy?

Speaker 1 Interesting. Come on, Fancy.
Come on. I don't think you deserve anything.
Whoa.

Speaker 2 Fancy told us all to get gifts and didn't get them himself.

Speaker 1 Okay. Wow.
Let that slide. No, no, no, no, no.
No, because you'll see what I get you for your birthday. What did you get me?

Speaker 1 When is your birthday? He was already. Yeah, we already passed it.
When was it, though?

Speaker 1 He's going to have another one. When was it? When was your birthday? In March? Yeah, March.
Yeah, and I'll get you one in March. Oh, hold on.
And then you're going to look like a fool.

Speaker 1 If you're around that long.

Speaker 1 Him. Yeah.
Yeah, you might be fine. You're going to look like a fool.
All right, McCone, come give him your gift. McConnell, you know he's itching to come be back on camera.

Speaker 1 He's been relegated to the bowels of the show, but he got you something really fucking good. I was with him.

Speaker 1 That's just a bag. No, no, I like it already.
It's a t-shirt. But look what kind of t-shirt it is.

Speaker 1 Wow, buddy. Show the audience, kiddo.

Speaker 1 Only faux.

Speaker 1 Do you like it?

Speaker 1 McCone's asking if you like it. It's not OnlyFans, but it's funny.
It's funny. Wait, you didn't get him the other shirt?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what are you fucking doing? Give him the real one. This is an actual one.
That was funny. That was a really really good one.
That was his bit.

Speaker 1 This you're going to fucking love. He already knows he loves it.
Look at that. Show it to the crowd.
Star Trek Deep Space Nine, Commander. So that's this is.
Let me say something.

Speaker 1 You thought about it. You pondered.
You articulated. You registered.
And I appreciate that. Oh.
And what is he out of 10?

Speaker 1 Four.

Speaker 1 Okay, Pocket Pussy eight.

Speaker 1 Thoughtful gift. I'll give it a four.
I'll give it a seven. All right, Jetsky, what do you got?

Speaker 2 Okay, I got in a lot of trouble last time I got Bobby a gift. If you guys remember, I do.
I think the words you gave me were, never buy me anything again.

Speaker 1 That is pretty close.

Speaker 1 No, you gave me the cologne.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so I got you something, but I didn't spend any money on it. But I think it's worth a lot more than money can buy.
Okay.

Speaker 1 By the way, we should tell that story about your cologne in Philly outside of the hotel. This is your cabinet.

Speaker 1 Read it, read it, read it. Let me tell the story in the meantime.
Where the the valet is going to make us move. Oh, my God.
We got to get out of the way.

Speaker 1 Act like a fool.

Speaker 1 Bobby's full

Speaker 1 fanny pack. Okay, I'm sitting on one of those rollers.
That's right.

Speaker 1 A luggage cart. And he goes, excuse me, young man.
Oh, that was nice. Yeah, I need you to move.

Speaker 2 He's like, can I please? He was so nervous.

Speaker 1 He was very polite. Oh, he was.
He was nervous. I guess he was nervous.
He was polite, and he asked you, could you please move off of that ID?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then I got up, and I was wearing my little duffel bag bag thing, you know, the shoulder strap called a fanny bag.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I was wearing my fanny pack. Sure.
And I had my Lalabo Santel 33 cologne and it was, and it spilled out and it crashed on the ground. Shattered.
Shattered. Cologne all over the place.

Speaker 1 Brand new bottle.

Speaker 2 Brand new bottle. We get in the car and Bobby is furious.
That's a $300 bottle of cologne.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Liv it.
It was livid. Screaming.
And then you got me another one.

Speaker 2 And then we went to New York and I saw the place was 10-minute walking from my hotel, so I got it for him as a thank thank you gift from the tour.

Speaker 1 She spent $300 and some odd dollars. Thank you so much.
And

Speaker 1 I use it. I use it now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you are so mad.

Speaker 1 I'm going to read this, okay? Okay. Let's read it.
Hey, do you have a lighter? Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's not a joint.

Speaker 2 You want to read it first. I think you're really going to like it.

Speaker 1 How funny if I just lit it on fire, though.

Speaker 2 I think you'd regret it when you read what it is.

Speaker 1 I double-dogged Aria.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what it is after. No, no, no, no.
Honestly, don't burn it. Don't burn it.
No, but if you want a double dog.

Speaker 2 It's a selfless gift, so I'd rather you not have it.

Speaker 1 Triple dog.

Speaker 1 No, don't do it.

Speaker 1 This is really sweet. It's really sweet.
Let's see. I think it's going to be sentimental.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I think it's, I honestly think, here's what I think it is: I think it's an appreciation for all the things I've done for you. Yeah.
It's sentimental. Yeah.
It's going to hit the heart. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's going to stay with me for the rest of my life. I agree.
If it's not that,

Speaker 1 we're going to have issues.

Speaker 2 I think you're going to be pretty happy. Great.

Speaker 1 So here we go. Here we go.

Speaker 1 temporary restraining order

Speaker 2 for you to use on me plaintiff bobby lee

Speaker 1 a plaintiff has filed an undertaking as required by code siv proc 515 no siv proc 515 jargon no no it's true 515 okay plaintiff has established the probability of slight annoyance

Speaker 1 so cute it is ordered defendant jesse jet sky juicy johnson is restrained from doing the following looking at bobby standing near or going for a hug near Bobby, contacting Bobby via phone or social media for eight hours.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Must be consecutive.

Speaker 2 Consecutive eight hours.

Speaker 1 Eight hours. Okay.
Plaintiff, maybe.

Speaker 1 You know, honestly, I have to sign it.

Speaker 2 When you want to use it. When you want to use it.

Speaker 1 Honestly, I want to frame this. Can I have it? Let me see.
Please don't terror.

Speaker 1 Why would I? No, I'm not going to do that. Look at what she did.

Speaker 2 Put one of those hammers next to it because I know there will be a time where.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we need to put this in glass, but make it breakable glass. Yeah, that's really sweet.
That's really nice. You know what? That, you know, can I say something? Good handwriting.

Speaker 1 That was thoughtful, precise,

Speaker 1 ingenious, clever,

Speaker 1 and it was, it hit my heart. I really appreciate it.
Rudy, you're up.

Speaker 2 Go ahead.

Speaker 2 Wait, where he is going to rate the gifts?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, rate it. Nine.
Oh, wow.

Speaker 1 That's a nine. Wow.
Okay. Kind of nervous to give mine.
Okay, mine. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, mine is.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'm going to explain. Yeah, please.
Okay, okay,

Speaker 2 since I've been cleaning your house, I know that you really like to take baths, you get your salt, and you like to like stay there and be like chill.

Speaker 2 And so, I thought I would buy you this.

Speaker 1 Okay, guy loves bath salts.

Speaker 2 Don't say anything yet, okay,

Speaker 1 yeah. Don't say anything mean yet.
Just let him say something mean.

Speaker 1 Wow, look at a big bag. Ultra's a good this company's Ulta, not Ultra.
There is is no, whatever.

Speaker 1 I'm going to stick my finger in it.

Speaker 1 What is it, bud?

Speaker 1 I'm Lemon Mask Sheet. Ooh, it's a face mask.
A lemon face mask. Love those.

Speaker 1 I know. I'm going to pull them out individually.

Speaker 1 I'm Pearl Face Mask. Another face mask.
Okay, good. Yeah, this is good.
Really good.

Speaker 1 Really good. Now, can you do brown and black face if you have face masks on?

Speaker 1 Is that okay? How many?

Speaker 1 Because those are brown. Yeah.
You're not going to be able to see if they have a mask on. No, hold on.

Speaker 1 Oh, changing you magic foot peeling shoes.

Speaker 1 Somebody needs to. What does this do?

Speaker 2 You put it on your feet and then you just

Speaker 2 stick it there.

Speaker 1 But what does it do?

Speaker 2 The dry skin.

Speaker 1 Yeah. The dead skin.
Oh, this is going to be great. Yeah.
Thank you. We do think you need that.
Yeah. I'm just going to pull them all out.

Speaker 1 Another mask sheet. Another mask.
Another mask. Face.
Be juicy juicy skin.

Speaker 1 Corgi face mask. Nice.
And this is another mask sheet. A lot of masks.
Yeah, a lot of masks. Did they do a deal? Was it like 10 for five?

Speaker 1 Well, that's really good.

Speaker 1 I really appreciate it.

Speaker 1 A little lazy. Rank, rank, rank, rank.
A little lazy. Rank, rank.
Because it's like you went to one place. Ulta.
I know you went to one place.

Speaker 1 Rank it, baby.

Speaker 1 A six.

Speaker 1 Very good. A six.
Okay, who's next? I got you something. It's honestly.

Speaker 2 And it's parked outside.

Speaker 1 It's not that good.

Speaker 1 It's not that good, but it is fun.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Dude. Fucking dope, dude.
Is that sick?

Speaker 1 Fucking sick. Whoa.
Isn't that sick? Well, first of all, you know that I like designer toys and plush toys. By the way, that's from Japan.
That thing is so fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's amazing. I feel pretty good right now.
Can I say something? Yeah. You want your ranking? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Come on, baby.

Speaker 1 9.5. What?

Speaker 1 Fuck yes. 9.
Fuck yes. 9.5.

Speaker 1 Now this, you ordered it? I'm not going to talk about it. Was it in your house? No, that was not in my house.
Okay. No.
Did your wife order it? No, no, no, no. This was all me.
Dope as fuck.

Speaker 1 Thank you. Dope as fuck.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday to you. The candle went out.
Fucking light it again. Let it again.
Light it again. Macone.
Fuck. God damn it.
Wait, wait. Can I just also say this? But before you do, all right?

Speaker 1 I want to say

Speaker 1 this isn't something you get at like Safeway. No.

Speaker 1 This is something that was ordered. This is a little pricier.
That's right. High-end.
That's right. And this right there is a 10.
This is

Speaker 1 never gotten a high-class cake before. Well, from you guys.
Hate to break it to you. Fancy got that, so that's a 10 for Fancy.
He got the 10. Wow.
Let me see this fucking thing, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's got the. Oh my god, it's got all this stuff.
I gotta take a photo of it. Take a photo, kiddo.

Speaker 1 Yeah, light the candle, baby. Where's my phone at? It's underneath all that stuff, I think.

Speaker 1 I panicked.

Speaker 1 Oh, Bobby.

Speaker 1 It's me, your dad. Dad! Oh my god, it worked!

Speaker 1 Dad!

Speaker 1 I come to Andrew Body.

Speaker 1 I know Dad. Dad, Dad.
Dad.

Speaker 1 What? Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Why all these guys? Are you gay? No, no, no, I'm not gay, Dad. I kill you if you're gay! No, he just looks gay, Dad.
But the kids, you don't know the last couple of days. Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 The kids look like this now. He's village people? No, he's not a village person, Dad.
He looked like this village. I know, Dad.
Does he look sick? Sickly. Yeah, sickly, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Like he has that thing, huh? I miss you, baby. I miss you, dad.
Oh, that's all.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Whoa.
What the fuck? I feel like I just got lightheaded. Yeah, my dad just came through.

Speaker 1 Can I eat some of this? Yeah, of course.

Speaker 1 Honestly, guys, thank you so much. Honestly, you didn't get me.
You got me the cake. Let him eat the whole fucking thing.
Just give him a fork and start eating it.

Speaker 1 don't even, I don't want any. Do you guys want any cake? No.
Oh. Is that good cake, kiddo?

Speaker 1 That's next level. Now, pretend like you're on a cooking show and tell us what the notes and the hints of flavors that you're getting.
Give it to me.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, usually in a cake,

Speaker 1 you expect breading.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No, you like a cake-like texture. Not breading.

Speaker 1 I know. I know.
Do you mean spongy and squishy? Not even, yeah, like but more drier, but spongy. Spongy, dry sponge, dry sponge, right?

Speaker 1 Like a flourless chocolate cake. Yeah, and it's also Mike Cooking Show, so don't

Speaker 1 cut that part up. Cut that up.
Sorry about that. So ask me again now, cut.
Go ahead. All right, here we go.
Yeah. Leave it in.

Speaker 1 Welcome back to Bobby's Birthday, where we're reviewing Bobby's birthday cake. Yeah.
What are the notes and flavors you're experiencing, Bob? It's a bread.

Speaker 1 Very good.

Speaker 1 I know. It's dry and spongy, but that's not what I have.
What do you have? When you go in here,

Speaker 1 it's like a pudding.

Speaker 1 It tastes like tapioca pudding. Do we leave it out too long?

Speaker 1 It's unbelievable. It's very good, huh? If I tell you how much that costs, you're going to lose your mind.
How much was this? Take a fucking guess.

Speaker 1 $100.

Speaker 1 You wish.

Speaker 1 $50?

Speaker 1 You wish. Less or higher? Less.

Speaker 1 $8. $19.95.

Speaker 1 $10.

Speaker 1 Less. $5? We got it from Ralph's.

Speaker 1 It was on the Everything Must Go rack. It was literally $5.99.
There's no way. $5.99 in the morning.
There's no way. There's a must-go rack.
Literally no way. It got cooked three days ago for a guy.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Here's what happened.

Speaker 1 This guy came in and asked for a birthday cake, and then he found out it was a gay birthday, so he wouldn't sell it to him. Because I'll tell you why.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why you're wrong. No, it's an expensive cake.

Speaker 1 You know what it is now? And you're going to love this. You know why? Why?

Speaker 1 It's tapioca. You know the rice.
Get her a fork.

Speaker 2 The rice pudding.

Speaker 1 Yeah, go ahead and take a bite. The rice pudding.
Get up there, you fat ass.

Speaker 1 Give that little fatty a little piece.

Speaker 1 Get up there, fat ass. By the way, you are gaining a lot of weight.
You do look heavy.

Speaker 1 You look hefty.

Speaker 1 You look hefty, hefty hippo. And you also have like a Jodi Fox and Foster walk.
Yeah, you do. Are you lazy now? Yeah.

Speaker 1 You do kind of look heavy. You kind of look like...

Speaker 1 We'll play softball. You kind of look like one of John Wayne's horses.
Yeah, the rhino kind. The rhino kind.
Yeah, yeah. Do you want some? Have you seen the bear? Yes, yes, chef.

Speaker 1 Yes, chef. Say that every time you take, take a bite and then yell yes, chef.
Okay. Mouthful.

Speaker 1 Woah, whoa. There it is.

Speaker 1 Very good. Can I make you a little bit jealous right now? What? I forgot to bring this up on my flight back home to Chicago.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Well, I got on the flight and I noticed a man.

Speaker 1 A man that you, I think you like very much.

Speaker 1 And he sat right behind me.

Speaker 1 It's Chicago.

Speaker 1 Can I ask some questions? Sure.

Speaker 1 He's not from Chicago. I know, but what's so funny?

Speaker 2 I just like the way you asked that.

Speaker 1 What? Why? Because you knew what it was going to be?

Speaker 2 Well, no, because you always just want to guess the thing before it's just handed.

Speaker 1 Of course, he does.

Speaker 2 And I think it's charming.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I just think that it's good for the podcast, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and I allow you to do it.

Speaker 1 To just say the fucking thing. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So this man

Speaker 1 is in Chicago. Is it a sports figure? No.

Speaker 1 Is it

Speaker 1 an actor or an actress? No.

Speaker 1 Does it have to do with entertainment? Yes. Okay.

Speaker 1 Is it somebody that you know personally? No.

Speaker 1 Although I do now. Whoa.
No, no, we don't. We don't.
You didn't say hi? We did. We chatted a lot.
But did you say, did he know who you were?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Is he over the age of 60? No.

Speaker 1 He's probably your age. You're probably the same age.
In fact, I bet you're the same age. Yep.
He's a year off. Does he have to do with music?

Speaker 1 Okay, good. Now we're getting somewhere.

Speaker 1 Is he in a band?

Speaker 1 He's in a band.

Speaker 1 Is he the lead singer? He is the band.

Speaker 1 So he goes up. His name is the band.
He's the band. Okay.

Speaker 1 Is it

Speaker 1 rock and roll?

Speaker 1 It is a crossing multiverse of music. He does so much.
I don't know who this is then.

Speaker 1 Okay, let me see. He's the band.
His name is the band. How many guys do you know? He's a multiverse.
He's touched a lot of basses in his extremely long and beautiful career.

Speaker 2 So he plays bass?

Speaker 1 Stop it. No, he does not.
Oh, okay. But that's good.

Speaker 1 Okay,

Speaker 1 what decade genre? Is it 80s?

Speaker 1 No, it's 90s and

Speaker 1 still. 90s and still.
90s and still. I think I know.
Do you do? I think.

Speaker 2 Okay, you guess. Does it start with a B?

Speaker 1 It does. Okay.
Bon John Jovi. No.
Bon John Jovi.

Speaker 1 Who was John Bon Jovi's brother? Oh, John Bon Jovi.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, Bon John Jovi. Bon John Jovi.

Speaker 1 It starts with a B.

Speaker 1 Bonnever. Bonnevar.

Speaker 1 Bon Iver. You mean Boniver? Boniver.
No.

Speaker 2 Four letters?

Speaker 1 Jetsky knows.

Speaker 2 It's four letters. It starts with a B.

Speaker 1 Jetsky knows. Bono.
No, but that's obviously a good guess. But that's you too.
And they didn't cross a lot of multiverse. I think they were pretty stuck in one kind of B.

Speaker 2 I'm jealous of you is my favorite.

Speaker 1 He's your favorite? Yeah.

Speaker 1 But if if it's not who I'm thinking,

Speaker 1 especially with a B and it's four letters. You got it.
I got it right there. People at home literally are yelling it at their computers and their phones and their cars.
Bojo. No.
Bojo.

Speaker 1 That's her God.

Speaker 1 This gentleman has made. I know it.
I know. I know it is.
I know it is. I know it.

Speaker 1 Beck. Yes.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Yay, Bobby. I know it.
Beck sat behind me on the plane. That's so.
That's insane. And by the way,

Speaker 1 the two tour managers that are with us, that are with him, one of them was fucking Morrissey's tour manager. How rad was that talking to that fucking man? Wow.
Wow.

Speaker 1 But I talked to these guys, and then Beck was like chilling, super cool, nice. We chatted a bunch.

Speaker 1 We talked about the podcast. He knows about bad friends.
I think maybe a little, maybe fringe.

Speaker 2 He's like, can you give me a shout out?

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, fucking shout out Beck. But he doesn't know that I've met him before.

Speaker 1 Really? Beck? When did you meet him? I dated a woman. Yeah.

Speaker 1 For almost a year. I met her.
So I, so Martin Lawrence used to do these shows in the main room, and he would just go, throw any, I don't care who's going opening.

Speaker 1 So the store would always just put me up before him. And she was at the show.
I met her. We started dating.

Speaker 1 And she

Speaker 1 lived in a big actor's house. Whoa.
And she was the nanny of his kid.

Speaker 1 Okay. Giovanni Rubisi.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess it, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And so I, what's so funny?

Speaker 2 What's so funny?

Speaker 2 I was thinking about someone earlier.

Speaker 1 So I would, we'd be down, because she lived downstairs, I would be downstairs, and I, and I go, how come you don't, that's Giovanni. I could see his little feet.
Little tiny feet. Yeah,

Speaker 1 when you hear him run the fridge. So one morning, she went to go somewhere.
I wake up and

Speaker 1 I went upstairs. And

Speaker 1 all these people were there.

Speaker 1 And one of them was Beck. And did you talk to to Beck? Yeah, I said, Hi, I'm Bobby.
I'm dating so-and-so. What did he say? He's like, Hey, how are you? I remember there was a buffet table.

Speaker 1 Of course, you remember that part.

Speaker 1 And just remember, like, this is like

Speaker 1 over 20 years ago. Did he have a devil's haircut?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 he did. And

Speaker 1 was he a fucking loser? No, dude.

Speaker 1 That's funny. You're doing references.
Yeah. Come on.

Speaker 1 He went au deleté.

Speaker 1 He was, let me say this. He was nice then, though.
He's so nice. He was so cool.
We chatted all a bunch.

Speaker 1 And they, of course, were polite enough to go, hey, you want to come to the fucking show tomorrow? Whoa. Come backstage in Northern Lee Island is where they played in Chicago.
It's a little.

Speaker 1 Did you go?

Speaker 1 How awful is this? I go, it's tomorrow. And they're like, yeah, tomorrow night.

Speaker 1 It's my wife's birthday.

Speaker 1 Does she like bank? And she turned to me and she was like,

Speaker 1 we can go if you want to go. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 She said, No. Well, dude, we had a whole thing planned for her birthday.
We had all this shit planned, and it was like, What am I going to do?

Speaker 1 Tell my fucking parents, hey, guys, we're going to bail on all the shit we fucking planned because we want to go to Beck. Yeah, but 20 years from now,

Speaker 1 if you divorce, that's going to be a part of the. Yeah, 100%.
That's what I'm going to say, Your Honor. Yeah.
We couldn't go to fucking Beck because the bitch's birthday happened.

Speaker 1 Oh, Dice Clay is my lawyer. Did you? But I'll be honest with you, right? I was fucking bummed.
If, honestly,

Speaker 1 if it was Taylor Swift,

Speaker 1 if it was Taylor Swift, and she said to you, your wife. Somehow I got on Taylor Swift's private plane.

Speaker 1 Give me someone more reasonable. She's not going to fly in a commercial fucking airline.
Taylor Swift is sitting in 14. Oh, fuck.
All right. It's Adele.

Speaker 1 Again.

Speaker 1 Another miss.

Speaker 1 You think Adele flies commercial? I don't know. Rihanna.
No.

Speaker 1 Man, you're not good at this. I don't know what level.

Speaker 1 The little one that was Melina Gomez. Selena Gomez? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Melina Gomez. Yeah, Melina Gomez.
Her sister. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Selena Gomez. Give me a rock star from the 90s.
Give me a name. All right, let's go back.
Somebody that we. Alanis Morsat.
Great, perfect. She's definitely flying commercial.

Speaker 1 Why can't she be on a private plane? That's rude. No, I just think they don't.
She doesn't pay for it. Is that rude? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 So many good songs. I'm just saying.
Sarah McLaughlin. She's definitely not on a private chair.
All right. So it's Sarah McLaughlin.
Sarah McLaughlin, right?

Speaker 1 By the way, way, all these people could be on private, but they wouldn't. It's a waste of money.
But if you're Rihanna, you're not going to fucking LAX.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. Anyway, Sarah McLaughlin.
In the arms. Love it.

Speaker 1 Far away

Speaker 1 from here.

Speaker 1 In the arms.

Speaker 1 All right. Let me down, let me down.
Is that the next words? Let me down.

Speaker 1 I don't know. We stopped at the time that I didn't know any more words.
I didn't know those words. I ran out.
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, all right.
So she's sitting behind me.

Speaker 1 Right, and she looks at your wife and goes, Hey, I'm doing a show.

Speaker 1 All right, it's your birthday. My birthday.
It's your birthday. Yeah.
But she says to your wife, I'm doing a show tomorrow night. Get you backstage.
Great seats. Come.

Speaker 1 And your wife said to you, She goes, Who the fuck is that bitch? Right. She doesn't like her.
I don't know if she likes her. All right.
No, no, I'm kidding. What does your wife like? Cheese.

Speaker 1 Okay, so cheese is back.

Speaker 1 Cheese is back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a big block of cheese. A big block of cheese is macdon.
A big block of cheddar. A big block.
No. I don't know.
Gorgonzola. She likes Brie.
She likes Brie. Alright, so there's a melting Brie.

Speaker 1 Cheese. Look at it on Brie.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm doing a cheese show tomorrow night. Yeah.
And guess who's next to Brie? Cracker.

Speaker 1 Me. Yeah, there's a cracker next to Brie.

Speaker 1 We're doing a show tomorrow night at Navy Pier, downtown Chicago. You should go.
Yeah, I ain't headlining. I'm Brie.
I'm a cracker. Yeah, anyway, right? So then.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then, like, there's an assistant who's fruit. Yeah.
Right. So we can get you guys backstage.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. So fruit's there, right?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 whatever you guys want, all access passes. Right.
And it's slice salami. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Security guard.
Yeah, security of salami. Yeah, we'll get it.
Don't worry about it. Whatever you guys need.
It's a whole security replacement. It's a security plate.
Yeah. So anyway, and they.

Speaker 1 And they're throwing a bash. Right.
On my birthday.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 And your wife goes, can we go? Would you go?

Speaker 1 Absolutely, we're going. See, then that's what she didn't do that.
I know. You need to call her and tell her this kind of fucking stuff.
Can I call her?

Speaker 1 Call her right now and tell her she'll be so fucking mad. She'll be mad.
Yeah. Yeah.
Blow it up her shit. You're one year older.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I appreciate you being here, and I'm happy that you're alive. I'm happy to be here.
And I want to say

Speaker 1 thank you for being here.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's good.