Sleeping Away Your Sadness, Working Away My Pain w/ Dan Soder

Speaker 1 I still crazy.

Speaker 1 Well rested? That looks much better now. I can't wait to fucking sleep.
Tonight? Yeah, yeah. Have a good meal.

Speaker 1 Sleep? Did you thread it? Yeah. You have to open it up.

Speaker 1 You have to open it up. You don't open it up? No, I'm a trumpet player.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah.

Speaker 1 You ever had a coffee camera?

Speaker 1 Please open it up.

Speaker 1 Coffee carrot.

Speaker 1 Drink it, you're a drinking or you're a bit.

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You two are something. We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 McCone just broke a piece of glass in the studio. He broke.

Speaker 1 My glass.

Speaker 1 A piece of glass. It's about yay big.
I don't know how. What's this? That's how I describe you.
Yay big. Yay, yay, big.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, that was rude, but um.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, yay big? When somebody goes, how big is Bobby? How big is your best friend Bobby? I go, yay, big. Okay, good.
So yay! Big.

Speaker 1 All right. Anyway, so you owe me one.
You owe him a new piece of glass. Anyway, last night, well, it was my first hurricane, and I'm going to say that

Speaker 1 not that big of a deal at all. Not that big of a deal at all.
Yeah, I went outside and everything. You know what I mean? I went to a local bar with my sister.
Really?

Speaker 1 My sister says, hi, they're in town. They want to come see you.
See me where? They want to come say hi. She came over at three in the morning last night.
Anyway, um, Jesus.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Was that the hurricane? Yeah, that was the hurricane. Oh, that was the earthquake I felt.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was the earthquake.
We had an earthquake and a hurricane. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway, it was fun last night. But anyway,

Speaker 1 so anyway,

Speaker 1 last night, hurricane, okay. I lived through it.
But so I hurricane Hillary ripped up Southern California.

Speaker 1 So then I wanted to know my um you know, I have a little um, not a cover, what do you call it? Pantry. Okay, you have heard of how many pantries do you have? One.
I have three.

Speaker 1 How many do you have? Pantries for food. I have one place for food.
You have a lot of pantries? Well, I converted a couple of a closet and

Speaker 1 another bathroom as a pantry. Oh, cool.
I have three, though. For you, it makes sense.
In your face, dog.

Speaker 1 But anyway, Patrick King,

Speaker 1 fat guys do.

Speaker 1 You think shit. Do you think I could could convert an entire bedroom to a pantry?

Speaker 1 That's true. But guess what? In my third pantry last night, I fucked real hard last night.
But anyway, let's. Whoa.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 Did you? Your sister. Anyway.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy. Anyway.
I'm kidding. I love her.
But anyway, last night. Well, you better.

Speaker 1 What did you buy last night? You're on fire today, dude. What did you buy last night? It's not something that I bought.
It's something that I forgot about.

Speaker 1 Have you ever bought something you forgot to buy? No. You mean you buy something and you forget when it's going to be a bad thing?

Speaker 1 No, you bought something, you put it away, and you're like, oh, I bought that? Yeah, what did you buy, babe? It was a blow.

Speaker 1 It was a be nice. It was a blowjob machine.
Oh, it was a blowjob machine. So jealous.
Right. And this one, dude, I was like, there's no way it's going to work.
But you already have a few.

Speaker 1 But this one in particular, I was like...

Speaker 1 You're usually the one that you charge it, right? On a like UCB.

Speaker 1 This one's a battery one.

Speaker 1 It was like, oh my god, this is like the 80s where you've had to put like double-A batteries in it. Yeah.
You know, the plus and the minus, whatever. So I put it in there.
I screwed it in.

Speaker 1 And it looks like a fucking.

Speaker 1 It looks like a blowjob machine, I bet. No, it doesn't.
No, it doesn't look like a blow. But from afar, it looks like a hairdryer.

Speaker 1 It has the same setup, like a handle. Yeah.
And like, right? Yeah. So there's no way.
Last night, I got, I'll try it. I stuck it on.
And as soon as my penis went in it, I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 this is different. Yeah.

Speaker 1 This is new. Did you have to put anything inside of it or just get it sorry? You just and get it going?

Speaker 1 Oh, I have a variety. I have heat,

Speaker 1 cool. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Every brand of lube. You know how I do it with sunflower seeds? Yeah.
I do it with lube, too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know how David Sunflower Seeds sponsors us

Speaker 1 a multi-flavored lube. Do you taste the...
Do you ever taste it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't taste it.

Speaker 1 It's not hot. That's not like fucking.

Speaker 1 It's fully edible, though. It's their food grade.
You're going to trick me again because I'm going to do it at a time. Lube is food grade.

Speaker 1 I I know, but I'm going to go home and do it, and then I'm going to get sick, and then you're going to lose it. Everybody knows lube is food grade.

Speaker 1 Imagine if you have to put it inside of people, it must be safe for you to consume. Yeah, you did that with my cum.
Yeah. You said cum has a different flavor.
It is food grade. I told you to taste it.

Speaker 1 I tasted it. It tastes the same.
On every day?

Speaker 1 You have to do every day. Ah, you're going to trick me again.
Mondays are going to be. I'll try it, but what do I do?

Speaker 1 Anyway, so last night, you know, the hurricane's going and stuff. Yeah, I'm in the bathroom.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 And when you...

Speaker 1 When you masturbate, you've masturbated before, right? A couple times. You're very good.
Yeah. Carlos, I bet you're a prom.
This guy's ranked. Are you ranked, do you think, on a national level?

Speaker 1 Top 5,000? Yeah, you got to be 50. Oh, I don't know.
Are you a master, though?

Speaker 1 Masturbator? Yeah, I mean, you know, like chess, you know, because it masturbates.

Speaker 1 What's your rank? What's your rank? In chess, like, 2,000 is unbelievable. Yeah, so 2,000 you think as a masturbator?

Speaker 1 Maybe like 20,000. Out of 250 million in America, that's pretty good.
Not bad. Yeah.
So what happened? You think you performed well last night, huh? You think you did a good job?

Speaker 1 I bet you an Indian guy is fucking number one. Those guys are always the best.
Well, them and the Chinese. Yeah, yeah.
They do it the best.

Speaker 1 Spelling bees, chess, and then masturbating, they're the best.

Speaker 1 Which they can all do at the same time.

Speaker 1 So, um.

Speaker 1 Rook to pony.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyway, I just woke up, so I'm not even clear, but um, I made a no, I've never made a noise orgasmy.

Speaker 1 I went like, I went, oh, oh,

Speaker 1 It's like, oh, first. Oh.
Yeah. Like, if I go, I'm going to write you the lyrics.

Speaker 1 Right? Okay. O-H, O-O-O, O-H-H, O-O, right? And then the last one is capital, capital.
Like, you know how Trump, when he tweets and he's angry? Oh, oh. Until social, it's all capital.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, 15 times. A lot of times.
Listen to the lyrics of that song. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Speaker 1 oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

Speaker 1 Dan, soda!

Speaker 1 Come out of here, you fucking dip shit. Ladies and gentlemen, Dan

Speaker 1 Soda, I thought you were out of the fucking beautiful state.

Speaker 1 Dude, he just cripped in here. Did you see that? He was cripping in.

Speaker 1 Did you see me gang out?

Speaker 1 Damn, what's up, Doc? What's up, Doc? What's up?

Speaker 1 Doc?

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 I'm not.

Speaker 1 Please sit down in our blue chair.

Speaker 1 I like Buffalo Bill, but New York Star.

Speaker 1 Whoa!

Speaker 1 Fucking you're canceled.

Speaker 1 That's racist. Bring it, dog.
You know what?

Speaker 1 Ticket sales cancellations bring.

Speaker 1 Gill is just selling out 6,000 seaters, dude.

Speaker 1 Oh, cool. I love to fucking do an arena.

Speaker 1 What did you bring? You brought a little gift in? Yeah, I just did Mark Marion's podcast. He says, by the way, he knows you're gay.

Speaker 1 Did he say that for real?

Speaker 1 Finally. He goes, by the way, tell tell Andrew I know he's gay.
Finally, he reads my text messages. Yeah.
Let me ask you, not fun. Was it fun? It was fun.
I got emotional. Can I just say this?

Speaker 1 He digs deep, huh? No, he got me. He goes too deep.
He got me, dude. He goes too deep.
What did he give you there? One of his bullshit coffee mugs? Yeah. Oh, cool.

Speaker 1 He was like, hey, you cried about your sister. Here's a mug.

Speaker 1 No, go get a cup of coffee. How many times have you done it? I only did it once.
Me too, once.

Speaker 1 I think he only does one. He has a one-time deal.
No, I think people he likes, he invites back to me. I know, like, Tarantino.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Well, Tarantino's huge.
Yeah. My dumbass being like, and then I like comedy again.
Dude, I was just across the street. I got to tell you guys this.

Speaker 1 I grabbed food real quick across at that diner.

Speaker 1 I sat at the counter, the most LA shit in the world. What happened? There was just this super old guy on the phone, and he's like talking about Post Malone.
And he's like, yeah, listen to his CD.

Speaker 1 It's a good CD.

Speaker 1 He's good. He's like a real, his CD's real good.
Yeah. And then he he starts talking about naked ladies.
Oh, I love this. And it was so old and porny where he goes, yeah, look her up.
Look her up.

Speaker 1 She used to do solo and girl on girl. She real good body.
He goes, but now she's doing regular porn. Throw eight inches at her.
And I was like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 Carlos, you were next door before this?

Speaker 1 It was Bobby. That's 100% Carlos's conversations on the phone.
Yeah, you got to

Speaker 1 look up her stuff. He was cataloging.
He was looking up the girls he was saying. He was saying.

Speaker 1 I swear to God. Do you remember any of the girls' names? I I left the tab up.
Yeah. Because I knew I was coming here.
Yeah, God bless.

Speaker 1 I wasn't like, no, let me delete the thing that we're going to definitely talk about. Who is he ranting about? He was ranting about this girl named Sid Wilder.
Oh, I know her.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. First of all,

Speaker 1 I know her. Sid Wilder.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. She's not a porn star.
Okay. She's more of a...
She's a comedian. Oh, yeah, she does.
I know who this is. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but

Speaker 1 I know her.

Speaker 1 She used to do stand-up or something. Yeah, right.
She doesn't dance. She's dated Kato Kalin.
It's more of a social media kind of a thing, but I know her.

Speaker 1 She's not, of course, her, and I see what you're trying to do. No, the other girl he brought up.
I know what you're doing right now, though.

Speaker 1 The other girl he brought up was something Scott.

Speaker 1 I erased her one. Sidney Scott, there's one right there.

Speaker 1 It's a blonde lady named.

Speaker 1 Just an elementary school teacher named Sidney Scott? No. I'm going to fight for her.
He's like, and then there's a girl who teaches my kids.

Speaker 1 I'd like to see her tapes.

Speaker 1 Damn, dude, this guy was such an old perv. By the way, we're setting records.
Another teacher got got busted

Speaker 1 just this past week for a, I want to say threesome or foursome. It was in the news.
I think she was in Idaho. Which one? Look up the news.
Another one. Well, there's one in the Bronx.
I saw that one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but those are the two. Threesome, that one.
Teacher allegedly arranged threesome with schoolgirl and mom.

Speaker 1 Wait, and it was a dude that pulled this? No, I think this was a girl, right? Oh, no. No, that guy.
Oh, that guy. This guy pulled it? Whoa.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, if you do it with a parent, I mean, they get consent, right? Yeah, it's like they had the field trip form.

Speaker 1 yeah, I mean, we go, listen, before I suck and fuck you and your daughter,

Speaker 1 I mean, you can bring your kid to a rated R movie if you're there, right? Exactly.

Speaker 1 Bring your parent to

Speaker 1 there's absolutely a slimy lawyer that's like, we got this.

Speaker 1 It's called the permissionist, the permission slip. This is like in Wisconsin, if you're underage, you know, if your parent is there, you can drink.
Do you know about this? What? In Wisconsin?

Speaker 1 It's kind of like

Speaker 1 local,

Speaker 1 not a law, but like people just go with it.

Speaker 1 You're allowed to drink under, minors under this age are allowed to consume alcohol as long as they're accompanied by a parent, legal guardian, or spouse of legal drinking age in Wisconsin.

Speaker 1 It is a law. Damn, dude.
They have, that's basically like training wheels for booze. 100%.
They're like, hey, I let go back a block ago. You've been black.
You're good to go, buddy.

Speaker 1 Just keep pedaling.

Speaker 1 Thanks, dad. Yeah, dude, Wisconsin would be the state that does that.
100%.

Speaker 1 But we used to go up there when I'd go with my parents to like Irish Fest, and we'd go to a bar, and it always felt like we were getting away with something.

Speaker 1 But the bartenders were like, what are you looking at? What do you want? Like one of the beers? And they're like, okay, which one? How old are you? It's like 17, 18. So you're already drinking.

Speaker 1 Well, yeah, but never in a bar.

Speaker 1 If we got into a bar, it's because we knew someone whose uncle owned it, who was just a degenerate blackout.

Speaker 1 He was just sitting at the end of the bar and he's like, just make sure none of you guys drive.

Speaker 1 You guys wouldn't have wanted me around in high school getting drunk. Were you drinking in high school? I got super gay.
He was a meth in high school. I would get so gay, dude.

Speaker 1 Tell when you did meth in high school. You would do meth in high school? I started, I did meth at 11.
What? Well, that's when you can get it when you're about 10 or 11. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's when you start understanding society.

Speaker 1 Wait, but what is that? Because at 11, you still have child energy. You know, you still have like, I want to go do that.
And then with meth, were you just, did you shoot to the moon?

Speaker 1 No, my dad was always going to come in, so I had to prepare myself. Oh, no, you did paranoid meth? Paranoid meth, yeah, yeah.
He's coming, he's going,

Speaker 1 when did you, who gave you the meth?

Speaker 1 My dad. No, no.

Speaker 1 No, I got to know what happened was one day because from Minnesota to San Diego, it was like when I was 10 or whatever. And then we moved to the suburbs, Green Valley.
Okay. Beautiful, beautiful.

Speaker 1 You know what you get in the suburbs is good meth. You get drugs.
You eat the best. You get real drugs.
You get bored kids doing drugs. It is.

Speaker 1 It was the first time I ever saw a Filipino kid, you know what I mean, with mustache. They have full-grown mustache at 11 or 12.

Speaker 1 You know that? Yeah, it was insane. They really do.
They come in and they grow deep boys. But they can't grow beards.
They can't grow the mustache. Their bodies are hairless.
But their upper lip.

Speaker 1 The upper lip is insane. From the time they're born.
And there was a kid, he flipped over a skateboard and he was doing a line. He must have been like five years older than me.

Speaker 1 You thought it was Coke?

Speaker 1 No, I didn't know what it was, but I remember going, I hate my I was I was in so much pain.

Speaker 1 I just remember just being in so much pain. Like sad? Yeah, I mean, my parents were so violent.
I got all F's on my report card. They thought I had Down syndrome.
They thought I was

Speaker 1 re-rese. Yeah.
And I just walked across the street and I go, can I have some?

Speaker 1 And I just knew that it was a drug. I knew that it was going to change the way I felt.
You see that, kids? If you're doing bad in school, just your drugs. Little bumple-dooya.

Speaker 1 Yeah, a little bump will do you.

Speaker 1 A little bump-loa. A little bump will do you.
But anyway, but in high school, if we got drunk,

Speaker 1 I would probably try some stuff with you guys. Really? When you get drunk, you'd be like, just kiss me, you fool.
He did. He did all that stuff all the time.
I did that all the time.

Speaker 1 Did any of your friends take you up on the offer? Oh, yeah. Oh, my God, dude.
Yeah. San Diego, have you ever been down there? Yeah, dude.
Everybody's pansexual. Oh, it's Pan.

Speaker 1 It's Pan City, dude. Dude, Pan City.
It's Pan City down there. Panama.
No, let me say something.

Speaker 1 Let me say something. If, you know, the women back then,

Speaker 1 now it's like, being an Asian guy, you're like, oh, it's normal. Like, you know, if I was young now,

Speaker 1 you would have been killing me. I would just be done.

Speaker 1 Right? In the party, walking in like this, right? Yeah. then

Speaker 1 did you ever have a friend do it and then like call you the next day and be like hey don't fucking tell anybody oh no

Speaker 1 it was a

Speaker 1 there was a you know you know code of conduct well you look at each other

Speaker 1 you do the predator

Speaker 1 you go you sign on those bitch

Speaker 1 just carrying your mouth don't tell anybody

Speaker 1 do you still talk to any of those guys that you hooked up with from high school I didn't you were drunk so it's like no one's hose he's right it is it is a hookup I didn't say you dated It's not a hookup.

Speaker 1 It's a hookup. How is that not a hookup? It's a drunk hookup.

Speaker 1 What's a hookup? Google, what is hooking up? It's a hookup.

Speaker 1 That is a hookup. You hooked up.
And then now their wives are like, so you guys went to high school together.

Speaker 1 That's why he's never been to a reunion. He cannot face those.

Speaker 1 Being intimate, sexual with someone without being in a committed relationship with them, that's a hookup, buddy. That's a hookup, dude.
So you hooked up? Yeah. No.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with it.

Speaker 1 You were getting, you get you. It's not a hookup.
You don't like it. No, it doesn't say anything about that.

Speaker 1 Felix is doing it. No, it doesn't mean.
Listen, if you eat a meal, it doesn't mean if it's good or bad. You still ate a meal.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 that's true. You've eaten a lot of meals.

Speaker 1 You're a hungry bully. I'm still going to be bullied right now.
You're not. Yeah, yeah.
So back up. Let's bring this down.

Speaker 1 Back up. I just want to tell you right now, Bobby.
Yeah, yeah. I find this very.
Do you really? I swear to God. And I think if I would have been doing meth, I might have been tossing out some HJs.

Speaker 1 I wasn't doing meth at the time when I was doing doubt. I doubt it.

Speaker 1 You're not an HJ guy. You don't have to.
You would do meth and go build something. Yeah.
Yeah, soda's up, building a shed again. Or you go teach me a different fight.
What's an SJ? Huh? HJ.

Speaker 1 What's an HJ? Handjob guy? Suck job guy.

Speaker 1 You hand job guy?

Speaker 1 The first time I got a hand job, I almost said, please stop it. Really? It was so uncomfortable.
Oh, yeah. I was yanking and pulling

Speaker 1 from a guy girl. It's almost always been a girl for me.

Speaker 1 These odds are going to throw you off.

Speaker 1 Who's women? Can we start from the beginning?

Speaker 1 Bobby, I still.

Speaker 1 I just feel like. What? Can we just.
Bobby, you're.

Speaker 1 Okay. Can I just say something?

Speaker 1 I was highly sexual. You have to understand, being a Korean dude in the 80s back then.
What do you mean? Everybody was highly sexual when they're 15. Oh, okay.
Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying, in the 80s back then, they just didn't. No girls liked guys that looked like me.
Well, no, no, no. It's because of where you live.
You live in an athlete. Live in San Diego.

Speaker 1 Okay, whatever. You would have killed it

Speaker 1 up here. I would have killed killed it in Korea, maybe.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 San Francisco, Los Angeles. Maybe.
What do you think was the biggest deterrent for girls when you were young?

Speaker 1 Me? Yeah. Maybe because I was three foot two.

Speaker 1 Did you ever go hunting for small women? Did you ever see, like, did a small woman? We didn't have the noms. We didn't have the viats.

Speaker 1 Wait, so no, I was looking for the Viets, dude. I wore the fucking military hat.
I was out there, Charlie, Charlie.

Speaker 1 What about a tiny white? No, no, dude. Tiny Tiny whites don't look.
They don't like you. See, you should have had Agent Orange with you.
I would have taken them down for you. With Agent Orange?

Speaker 1 I've had a trail and everything, dude. Oh, my God.
You all had a Hochie Man trail and everything.

Speaker 1 No, be real, dude.

Speaker 1 You think because of your height was the biggest determinant. Also, I'm weird.
Yeah, let's do that. I'm going to tell you right now,

Speaker 1 I was a tall.

Speaker 1 I was fucked up.

Speaker 1 I was a tall weird, and they didn't like me. See? They did not.
They were like, you're weird. You're weirder.

Speaker 1 But you were an athlete. I sucked.
I wasn't

Speaker 1 obviously, though, girls did just think you're tall and attractive. I'm an athlete.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Well, I was on the tennis team and wrestling team. That's not athletic.

Speaker 1 Well, the wrestling team, though, the problem with that is those guys are so hardcore about wrestling, that's all they can think and talk about all day. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Football players, basketball players, all they're thinking about is girls. And

Speaker 1 the shitty basketball players and the shitty football players, all on me. Yeah.
We're playing the sport, but we're also concentrating on where are we going to get fucked up this year.

Speaker 1 Yeah, where we're going to get fucked up. We were the guy.
I was the guy that was like, where are you going to get beer? And you're like, I got beer. Don't worry.
You know, you turned to me.

Speaker 1 We're on the bench. But being weird, it does.
It stops you from getting pussy. Thank you.

Speaker 1 But now, short king thing, this is a new thing, dude, all over the internet. You're in your element right now, dude.
You couldn't shine anymore. Short king.
Look up short kings, dude.

Speaker 1 Short kings are all over the place. They're having short king parties.
What? Just for you guys? They're having parties with dudes not above 5'7, and the girls are all like above 5'10. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Do you want to go to one of these, buddy? Dude, look up short king parties. Let's get you a fucking tall queen, dude.

Speaker 1 Listen, friend. You don't think I fuck good?

Speaker 1 I do. Hold on.
Don't think I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 Hey, pal, don't come over here.

Speaker 1 I think you're doing good. Listen, Pal.

Speaker 1 You're a little fucked good. You're a little half good.

Speaker 1 I'm doing fine. I think you're doing great.
In the last

Speaker 1 pal,

Speaker 1 in the last 30 years, dude?

Speaker 1 I've been in the game, dude.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're trying to accuse me of, bro. I'm not hearing you anyway.
All right, I met you a couple of weeks ago. Your tone is different.
You know what? I love you.

Speaker 1 We've never really talked before. Last week,

Speaker 1 you're different right now, Dad. Let me tell you right now, Bobby.
And you're giving him bullying. I'm not doing anything.
I love you organizing. Let me tell you right now.

Speaker 1 We had a lovely lunch last week. You and I? Yeah.
One of the best. One of the best.
You pooed. I did poo.
Yeah. But you was.
And you washed my back? I did. Like a real friend.
Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Mid-lunch, you went to the bathroom? After lunch. Yeah.
Across the lunch. Why did you wash his back? Well,

Speaker 1 he watched my back.

Speaker 1 I washed his back. What are you fucking up? I'm not gay.
Yeah, what are you getting? Let's rewind the tape. Let's rewind this tape on this podcast.
Anyway, Bobby, but yeah. But I was saying,

Speaker 1 I, because we had such a lovely lunch, I want you to do even better than before when I met you.

Speaker 1 And I'm saying right now, I know you're doing great, but how much better could you do if you fucking, you show up at a short king party? You're the man. Look at that.

Speaker 1 You're the man at this short king party. Short king function, men under 5'8, and the dates have to be over 5'10.
This is amazing. I love this.

Speaker 1 This is Dana White matchmaking. Now look at yourself.
Could you imagine yourself with these fellas right here? I like these guys.

Speaker 1 Let's press play on that. Let's see what they got going on, these guys.
Oh, hell yeah. Look at all these girls are tall.
And a lot of times, tall girls are hot, but they're tall.

Speaker 1 So, like, men are like, yeah, you peeked. They're intimidated by it.
By the way, this is my favorite thing about short king parties. All the girls have their arms wrapped around the guys.

Speaker 1 They have their arm resting on the man's shoulder.

Speaker 1 I've always dated girls 5'8 or taller. You've never dated a short girl? No.
And can I say this too? And this is a little science.

Speaker 1 When you're laying down, I think it's because their lengths are usually in the legs. Yeah.
So torsos aren't really that much longer. So it seems like you're making love to somebody that's your size.

Speaker 1 Right. And then when you're laying down, it feels the same.
Feels the same. Exactly the same.
I mean, I have to do it a little bit of. But

Speaker 1 if he goes down there, it takes him a long time to get back. Yeah, I have to, like, when I want to kiss him, I have to stretch my neck a little bit.

Speaker 1 You gotta pull up. Yeah, yeah.
Who's gotta buy you one of those? So I'm not like that. I'm gonna get Joe Rogan neck stretcher.
When I make love, her neck is right here. And then I go, I want a kiss.

Speaker 1 Oh, you go. Yeah, I have to do that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I get that.
To get some breath. You know, like you're in the ocean.
Yeah. You're stretching your like.

Speaker 1 Let me get a kiss. Yeah.
Just keeping your head above water. Like Das Boot.

Speaker 1 Das Boot. Das Boot.
I have to do a Das Boot. You know what Das Boot is? Yeah.
You've never heard of Das Boot? Yeah. You know what Das Boot is? Das Boot?

Speaker 1 Das Boot is a movie. Yeah.
Right? It's one of the best movies ever made. It's pretty good.
It's a German movie. Was it Russian or German? I think it's German.
German. Dasput.
Das Boot.

Speaker 1 Have you seen Das Boot? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Great movie, right? Yeah. Wolf von Peterson.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of scenes of Wolf von Peterson.

Speaker 1 There are scenes of them. That's what they survived.
That's you fucking giddy.

Speaker 1 You stopped, bitch.

Speaker 1 Hello, Fresh. Oh, my God.
I love HelloFresh because whenever there's a HelloFresh box outside my door. You get giddy.
Not only do I get giddy, I get giddy. You get giddy giddy.
I get super giddy.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why because I'm a foodie. I love food.
I love food that's clean. And I like deliciousness.
You like delicious, healthy, fresh ingredients.

Speaker 1 With HelloFresh, you get farm fresh, pre-portioned ingredients, and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep.

Speaker 1 You can skip those trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable. That's why it's America's number one meal kit, obviously.

Speaker 1 Kickstart a fresh fall routine with HelloFresh. HelloFresh handles all the meal planning and shopping to deliver everything you need to cook up a tasty meal right at home.

Speaker 1 They do the hard part, and you can get to take the credit. You ever wish you could spend less time planning, shopping, and cooking for the family and more time with them?

Speaker 1 I got to tell you, they got easy time saving breakfasts and family dinners to kid-approved lunches and snacks. HelloFresh has what it takes to keep everyone, including you, happy and satisfied.

Speaker 1 I've been using HelloFresh for a long time now, far before they were on our show, and they have such good stuff, great meals that are quick, easy to make, and healthy, so you can feel good and it tastes good.

Speaker 1 Go to hellofresh.com slash 50bad friends and use code 50bad friends for 50% off plus 15% off the next two months. That's pretty incredible.

Speaker 1 Go to hellofresh.com slash 50bad friends and use the code 50bad Bad Friends for 50% off plus 15% off the next two months. HelloFresh America's number one meal kit.
Morgan and Morgan.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1 I feel safe because I know that if I ever get in a car accident, I know who to call. I'm going to call Morgan Morgan.
That's right. Because they're the best in the business.
They are.

Speaker 1 Nobody is better than Morgan Morgan. If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan.
They are going to get it done for you.

Speaker 1 The best part about Morgan and Morgan, all right, if you're getting hurt in an accident, you don't know what happens if I don't have insurance, what if they don't don't have insurance, where do I turn to?

Speaker 1 Do I call the police? What do I do? Where do I go? How do I get this done? Morgan and Morgan, they're America's largest injury law firm.

Speaker 1 They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers there to help you get your situation figured out.

Speaker 1 With over $15 billion recovered for clients, Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation.

Speaker 1 So here's the deal: everybody gets in a little fenderbender once in a while.

Speaker 1 And if you're confused and don't know where to turn or where to go, if you are ever injured, you can check out Morgan and morgan their fee is free unless they win for more information go to for the people.com slash bad friends or dial pound law that's pound five two nine from your cell phone that's for the people for the people.com slash bad friends or pound law pound five two nine from yourself this is a paid advertisement you know what i re-watched alien one and aliens alien this weekend yeah i mean that's james cameron that's well the first one's not really scott yeah really did the first one yeah really scott did the first one but both of those movies when you re-watch them you're like this is pretty good shit, though.

Speaker 1 Dude, I might, you might have,

Speaker 1 you might have inspired me to watch them back to back because it's been probably 20 years since I've watched it. So I just went, I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery this past week.

Speaker 1 You know, they show movies in the cemetery. Yeah.
And I went to go see it's Kill Bill. It was a Kill Bill Sleepover one and two.
Great.

Speaker 1 Here's the wild shit: A, the movie holds up to an incredible degree. Like, I thought I've seen that movie so many fucking times.
Maybe it'll be whatever.

Speaker 1 Phenomenal again. 4,500 people in the cemetery.
My brain goes to someone's going to ruin this. They're going to be talking.
They'll be fucking around. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Everyone, silent. Really? Clap when they clap, laugh when they deserve to laugh.
I was like, how come we can't do this in normal functioning society?

Speaker 1 Like, how come we can't just all be on the same page? Do you love those movies? Kill Bill. I adore it.
That's the actor, Michael Park.

Speaker 1 He plays a couple of roles in it, but he plays this Tio on a like.

Speaker 1 Like, he's like some sort of like a pimp or something. It is Michael Park, right? That's what it is.

Speaker 1 Michael Parks. Yeah, Parks.
Michael Park. That monologue he does.
I don't know if it's in one or two. Two.
Yeah, that monologue. It's in two, yeah.
It's in the second one.

Speaker 1 And so, you know, he wasn't supposed to have that part. Really? No, the actor that they hired was out of town during the

Speaker 1 table read. Then you get back in town.
So Tarantino, you know, for Tarantino, you fucking change his time. I don't know.
For Tarantino, you're just like, well, you know, you're going to miss it?

Speaker 1 You go, yeah, it's my great-aunt's birthday. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. So Tarantino asked Michael Park, because you're already in the movie.
Yeah. Just, can you just read this part? And he crushed.

Speaker 1 And he crushed so bad doing that part that Tarantino was like, oh, the other guy's fired.

Speaker 1 That's exactly right. If he would have just shown up.
Skip your aunt's birthday. Also, what's more important? It would have to be like,

Speaker 1 it would have to be like, oh, Stanley Kubrick was reborn. Yeah, or your wife.
You shouldn't shoot for him. Or your wife was getting heart surgery and you had to help do it.
No, no.

Speaker 1 I don't skip fucking Table Read for that. Tarantino, Table Read? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd rather have my wife die.

Speaker 1 That's how big that is. You know that, right? You heard that, Quinton.
If you ever want someone to sacrifice everything they've ever done,

Speaker 1 I'll be like, I'll do it every Tennessee.

Speaker 1 You heard my history. I want to do whatever.

Speaker 1 Tarantino, you bring a line to Meth. This guy will be at the table.
I haven't watched Kill Bill since it was out in theaters. Phenomenal.
Honestly,

Speaker 1 it's so good again. Sodi, hello, you in town for.
Just so Wednesday.

Speaker 1 Are you here running around promoting or what are you doing? I was supposed to promote, but then there was a strike. Oh, yeah.
Oh,

Speaker 1 right. So I can't promote.
We're not allowed to talk about it. Yeah, I'm not even allowed to.
I did Howie Mandel's podcast and the whole background was the show.

Speaker 1 And I was like, hey, that's going to get me in deep shit. I need my health insurance.
And what did he say? Was he like, I'm going to leave it up there? He's like, oh, no, no, I'll change it.

Speaker 1 He was cool as hell. Oh, he was.
Yeah, I think people, LA is the city where they understand.

Speaker 1 Because nobody wants to lose their life. Did you grow up with liking Howie? Yeah, Bobby's World was massive.
So was that the first time you met him? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What a nice guy, right? I've known him for years, but I love him. Sweetheart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like walking around? Yeah, very nervous.

Speaker 1 Because I I didn't know, you don't know how that's going to be. Kind of like an older school dude, like old school dude.
You're like, I don't know if we're going to get along.

Speaker 1 I don't know how it's going to go. And he was super fucked up.
Did he show you his hologram? Yeah. He's got Tupac hologram.

Speaker 1 I love that. Yeah.
And then he does have Tupac holograms. And in a warehouse in LA, it's some real adrenochrome shit.

Speaker 1 It's a 50,000 square foot warehouse. And I was like, what's all the other rooms for? He's like, we're figuring it out.
I was like, he already knows. Oh, yeah.
You're harvesting the fear of children.

Speaker 1 It was one of those things where I'm anti-I'm against AI and chat GBT. It just scares me.
You know, and I was like joking at first, being like, Yeah, that shit kind of scares me.

Speaker 1 And he's like, But why does it scare you? Yeah. Wow, it did.
And you're like, it really was that moment where you're like, are you a computer? Why are you so big on pushing computers on me, man?

Speaker 1 He's like, write down your feelings. We'll talk about it on the show.
0100110. Sorry, I fucked up.
What were you saying?

Speaker 1 But he doesn't take a second. He's constantly busy.
And it's like,

Speaker 1 I look at him like, I don't ever want to be like that. No way.
Just constantly. He's just constantly, man.

Speaker 1 You stay on the path you're on right now. You're just fine.

Speaker 1 You almost do nothing.

Speaker 1 That's so rude, dude. What's wrong with you today, man? Isn't that true? You're attacking me at all.

Speaker 1 Isn't it true? What's the matter with you right now? Isn't it true that

Speaker 1 you like to do almost nothing? I do so many things in my life. So what are you talking about? What do you mean? You just said I don't want to do what Holly Met.

Speaker 1 No, I'm just saying he's constantly like 8 a.m. to fucking 9 p.m.

Speaker 1 He's scheduled, booked, booked, booked, really going. He really did that as we did his podcast.
He's like, I got something right now. Yeah, yeah.
He's constantly going.

Speaker 1 And one time I asked him, I go, dude, he's like, if I stop and think, I'm going to get depressed. And I get in my head.
And

Speaker 1 I get really depressed. And he goes,

Speaker 1 oh, that was a good. Did he do that? Yeah, he did that.
By the way,

Speaker 1 just as a fart connoisseur. Oh, really? I could hear the splash back.
Thank you, man. Well, these seats are built for that.
Yeah, yeah. We did buy one.
But you're right.

Speaker 1 I mean, I am, you know, a little lazier than most. I'm not saying you're lazy.
I think you like to do less. Because I will join your team, Bobby, and I will sacrifice myself for this conversation.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I love to do nothing.
You do? Love to. Thanks, man.
What's nothing to you? Lay on the couch. All day.
If I can. I think you have it.
I'll walk my dog. What do I have?

Speaker 1 You have a little bit of Howie Mendel. Yeah, I want to do stuff.

Speaker 1 No, but you're constantly going. Yeah.
Like, sometimes we'll go off the road and you're like, oh, no, I'm going to Hawaii.

Speaker 1 I'm doing a golf tournament in Italy. And I'm like, dude, slow down.
You know what? But

Speaker 1 this is all I've got. I'm going to die.
I should do it while I can. But I'm going to agree with Bobby.
I'll watch your stories and I'll be like, I just saw you were doing a show.

Speaker 1 How are you golfing with Travis Kelsey and Florida? Because I see it. I feel like I've got to get it while I'm having it right now.
I understand that. But to argue what Bobby and I love to do,

Speaker 1 I work hard so I can take a Monday, next Monday, right? Yeah. I got nothing.
Nothing. And it, to me, is better than doing anything.

Speaker 1 I'm going to walk my dog twice. Yeah, I'm gonna do that too.
But then I'm gonna literally go upstairs. I'm gonna play PlayStation.
I'm gonna watch TV shows. I'm gonna order food.

Speaker 1 Maybe walk to the Starbucks at the base of my building. Maybe.

Speaker 1 And then that's gonna be a sick fucking day. Yeah, when we went on tour, right, we would wake up on the tour bus.
He's already got, he comes back with a bandana, right?

Speaker 1 A hiking backpack, a test racket, and you're like,

Speaker 1 I went spearfishing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, and it's like, you're just constantly going, and it's like, I think you have the same thing that happened.
It's a sickness, without a doubt. It's a sickness.

Speaker 1 You sleep away your sadness, and I work away my pain.

Speaker 1 First of all, that's a beautiful song. Sweep away.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I work away.
I'm a little bit more sorry.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I work off all my pain and you sleep away your sadness. You don't want to face it, and neither do I.
We're the same guy. No one wants to face it.
Two separate ends.

Speaker 1 I just keep going and going and going and going and going and going and going. Yeah, but I like facing sadness.
Sometimes, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I like to put a little dip in my mouth, lay down with my cat, Gooner, right? Yeah. And listen to some really sad shit, dude.
Dude, that sounds honestly. Right.
And I bring out that machine.

Speaker 1 You know. See, me, I listen to sad music in my car.

Speaker 1 If I'm really sad, starting to sound the same. I miss the comfort in being sad.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Nirvana.

Speaker 1 I like to take a drive and listen to sad shit. Oh, my God.
So look, I'm still moving even when I'm. Yeah, you can't.
You're a shark. Just the machine has.
Yeah, I can't sleep.

Speaker 1 You can't stop. I think I'm going to get one of those aura rings to find out how often I sleep at night.
Yeah. And I think genuinely, it'll register four hours a night, maybe.

Speaker 1 I mean, I looked at mine because I didn't, I don't snore, but I toss and turn. Yeah.
And I didn't know that till I lived with Katie. And she's like, dude, you flip and flop all the time.

Speaker 1 Does she sleep really easy? She can't fall asleep, but once she's asleep, she's dead to sleep. See, Katie's brain, I would think, is she does what I do where it's like, yes.

Speaker 1 Constantly. Yes.
She can't really, she can't slow down.

Speaker 1 Once she slows down, she can sleep or whatever. But then I can fall asleep fast, and then I'm moving in my sleep and I'm up.
So I sleep for like an hour, then I'm like, I'm up.

Speaker 1 And I sleep for another hour. And I went and did the test, and they were like, you're waking up 23 times an hour.
23. Oh, you have the same thing.
And so I got a sleep apnea mask, but it didn't work.

Speaker 1 Like, there's something fucked up with my nose.

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm just like, fucked up face, I think. Stop it.
That is.

Speaker 1 It's too fast.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 But I just looked at it now. It's so long.
It's long this way. You got to stop that.
I can't. Yeah, you do.

Speaker 1 Don't put water on it.

Speaker 1 His brain is so big, it's weighted down. His skin is

Speaker 1 wide.

Speaker 1 There's Dan Soder's head. There it is, Dan.
There it is. That is absolutely it.
That's it. Yeah, long.
Look at that long ass.

Speaker 1 Last brain shot.

Speaker 1 That's hilarious. That's a long skull.
Yeah, yeah. Wait a minute.
Look.

Speaker 1 That is funny. Give me Korean guys' skulls.
What are they like? All right. No, I just want to see.
What the fuck? He's just doing some light racial phrenology.

Speaker 1 That's normal. Totally normal.
There's no way. Wait a second.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's cool. That's cool.

Speaker 1 What does an Irish guy's head look like? I'm sure there's not a lot of room for you. What if a crazy guy's skull had little slits in it?

Speaker 1 It was not what you were looking for. You go, oh my God.

Speaker 1 The orbital bow.

Speaker 1 What is that? Just a dropkick Murphy's album? Is that all we have in the room?

Speaker 1 The pogues floating around our brain the whole time? It's just the shoulder tattoo of a Boston firefighter.

Speaker 1 But when will you stop doing stand-up? You think, what age? 65 if I'm lucky.

Speaker 1 When they do not buy another ticket.

Speaker 1 I'll be done at 60, 65. What do you think would be the next chapter of your life then? After that? Yeah, what do you do? Nothing.
Dan, I'm 52. You do the thing that you're doing.
I'm 52.

Speaker 1 You're not going to quit at 60. Really? Yeah, because I'm 52 right now.
I can't even imagine quitting at 60. What about 65? No, I think 70.

Speaker 1 Kevin Nealand, I'm done. See,

Speaker 1 you say this, but I think you're just like me in this regard. You'll want to do stand-up performance or something like that until they tell you.

Speaker 1 I bet there's a form of podcasting when I'm like 65, 70, where I can do it from the comfort of my own home, get the creative outlet,

Speaker 1 be funny. Because I'm going to want to be funny still.
But stand-up with the traveling and like writing a new hour and putting all the effort in. I think like

Speaker 1 a while ago, I was like, if I can make nine hours of published stand-up. throughout my whole career.
Yeah, then you're good. I feel like I did it.
Jesselnick said like almost the exact same thing.

Speaker 1 Remember, we were backstage and he goes, I'm working on my sixth hour or something like that. And he goes, I think this is it.
Because he goes, I want to for hours. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He goes, I want to look at it like a discography. Yes.
And he goes, I want to be proud of all them. And he should be.
All his shit is great. And he was like,

Speaker 1 when I reach the thing I want to be at, he goes, then I don't put out hours anymore. Because you save your legacy.
That's what he wants.

Speaker 1 Because I think there is a little bit of that of like, it's like a band, man. When an old band comes back together, like Metallica, you're like, can you stop?

Speaker 1 We went and saw him them at MetLife, and I was like, this is a bummer. Should I not go? I'm going to go see them this Sunday.

Speaker 1 They're here. They rock.
It's just not.

Speaker 1 Who? Metallica. I'm going to be honest.
Do you want to go on Sunday with me? Go to the

Speaker 1 show. I love them.
Let's go. Go to the show.
I'm going to say this. I love Metallica.
I've loved Metallica my whole life.

Speaker 1 For the first time seeing Metallica, it felt like James Hetfield was old. Oh, no.

Speaker 1 You felt it.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, man.

Speaker 1 I love Metallica, but it is... It's the same as a professional wrestling fan when you watch them get too old and you're like, don't get in the ring.

Speaker 1 Like Ric Flair, you're like, stop getting in the ring. You don't need to get in the ring.
And you want them to be associated with it still, right? Like they should be.

Speaker 1 In the world somehow. If they can be.
In a way that makes sense. Right.
In a way that makes them, doesn't.

Speaker 1 It's what Jeselnik was saying, like, you want to leave a legacy where you're like...

Speaker 1 Don't come back and make it shit. Eddie Murphy should not come back to stand-up comedy.
There's no legacy.

Speaker 1 There's no legacy. Yes, there is.
There is no legacy.

Speaker 1 Let me say something. Who was one of the best comics that died in the last 10 years? Patrius, right? Yeah.
None of the kids know him. That's not true.
That's not true. They know.

Speaker 1 I think. Okay, you're naming someone who's

Speaker 1 if you have no hours out. Maybe there's no legacy.
Uh-oh, that's a shot. Oh, no.
No.

Speaker 1 Why didn't you look at me when you said it?

Speaker 1 Did I tell you that? I noticed that too.

Speaker 1 You took the shot. Look at me.
Look at me and say it. Yeah, take the shot if you're going to take the shot, dude.
Take the shot. You're going to shoot a guy in the back? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's what you. No, you shoot him.
Go ahead. No, what he did, dude? He sucker punched you.
Yeah, that was. He walked up to me.
He looked at you. Boom, and punched you without even.

Speaker 1 Just say it, you fucking coward. Go ahead.
No, I was just saying the legacy thing.

Speaker 1 You know that you have to put...

Speaker 1 He's getting red.

Speaker 1 Bro, bro. I love how red he's getting.
Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead.
Slow down. You have to put something out there to get a legacy.

Speaker 1 I know what I'm saying, though, is that i know so many great comics that have died right sure

Speaker 1 there's no legacy okay but what he's saying is if you built up if you built up something no one has it in this day and age there's no in a hundred years future people are gonna go oh look at um caligula by anthony jeselnik they're not gonna say that someone might one guy who gives a fuck you're dead no but he's not saying it for our fine yeah he's saying it

Speaker 1 for the sake of take the legacy thing out yeah as if fans of yours

Speaker 1 come see me live.

Speaker 1 That's the Jay Lenov theory. That's what he said.
Yeah, come see me live. He's not going to put out hours because he says just come see me live until I don't do it anymore.
Really?

Speaker 1 That's his whole thing? He did an interview with Rolling Stone or something like that where they were saying, how come you don't put out specials like everyone in your generation is doing now?

Speaker 1 Like Romano put out one, and he was like, just come see me live.

Speaker 1 Come see me live. I've seen anything.

Speaker 1 Hey, I'm Gay Lindleton thing. Yeah, he's got to go.
Hey, guys. What do you mean? What do you mean?

Speaker 1 You seen this? You heard about this?

Speaker 1 Apparently.

Speaker 1 I'm going to say, like, I mean, like, legacy is this is a weird thing. Okay, how about this? When Seinfeld dies, will he have a legacy? I've never seen Seinfeld.
I see him perform.

Speaker 1 I think Seinfeld should not have put out that Netflix special. The one where it was all the old jokes? I don't think he should have done anything after I'm telling you for the last time.

Speaker 1 Right, right, right. That was such an iconic way to close with the funeral at the end.
Yeah. All right, at the beginning, and it was like all of his classic jokes in one tight HBO special.

Speaker 1 I think you hit hard. What? When you said, I sleep away my sadness.
Oh, you brought that back? Yeah, I'm bringing that back. I love sadness.

Speaker 1 I've been thinking about that just now. You sleep away your sadness? I work away my sadness.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Alright, so what I'm saying is that

Speaker 1 what you did, what you did,

Speaker 1 I'm never gonna forget. Irreprehensible.

Speaker 1 What you did, dude? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Like 9-11, I will never forget. Never, dude.

Speaker 1 What you did was fucking put a plane inside my body.

Speaker 1 Two of them, all right? You know what? And I'm falling right now, dude. And what you did, dude, I'm never doing your movie.
Can I tell you what I'm doing? That movie that you took last week?

Speaker 1 That movie that you wanted me to do? Fuck you, Bobby. Bobby.
And I'm fucking dead, Bobby. I'm going to tell you right now,

Speaker 1 a lot of people say fancy. You fuck! They say that he took the lessons on how to take off, but never had to land.
Oh, yay! So he was a terrorist. He was a terrorist for a while.

Speaker 1 I mean, the way you try to hit his building.

Speaker 1 When he looked at you, he's building something.

Speaker 1 But he's building

Speaker 1 seven. I'm tower seven.
He collapses. Yeah, you collapse.
You collapsed him too, dude. But let's be honest.
are very. This is very 9-11 because you do self-implode.

Speaker 1 This is what are you doing now, dude? Nothing. Yeah, you are.

Speaker 1 Whoa, dude. I'm saying.

Speaker 1 It just looks like maybe the planes didn't do as much damage as some of the internal. Inside job.

Speaker 1 Inside job. All I'm saying is.
Keep state. I know.
Keep state.

Speaker 1 I don't know if his comment can melt steel beams.

Speaker 1 That's all I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I don't know if it's got to be. Something else was at play.
Yeah, yeah, something else was at play.

Speaker 1 You noticed how it was a control fault? No, I'm going straight to it. Control fault.
Why didn't it spread out?

Speaker 1 Where's all the debris?

Speaker 1 Where's all the debris? And if you were around the fancy Bobby comment, please check in because you might have

Speaker 1 some carcinogenics that.

Speaker 1 Bro, though. Oh, my God.
I'm never going to forget.

Speaker 1 I don't think you'll quit. I think you'll transition to something else.
What are you trying to drive me into a different fucking genre?

Speaker 1 What the fuck is going on here? I want you to take the music. You're going to be the best plumber.
I swear to God.

Speaker 1 And And honestly, I'm going to give you this number while we're doing this podcast. And

Speaker 1 they're going to get you enrolled. You're going to be...
I mean, it's going to be sick. Yeah, yeah.
I think you should take it. You know, I'm not going to say it.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to take it more serious. No, I'm going to...
What? I think you should take your music ability more serious.

Speaker 1 Are you going to start a podcast with him? No. I'd love to.
And what's your dream, though?

Speaker 1 Our friendship

Speaker 1 will not be changed, and this podcast won't be changed by the fact that I do support you digging deeper into your music abilities and your love of music. Okay.
It is funny. I want you to do it.

Speaker 1 It is funny how podcasting. Isn't this nice I'm giving the guy a fucking huge compliment? And I'm taking it like it's

Speaker 1 there's nothing underneath it. There's nothing underneath it.
Okay. It doesn't exaggerate.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 To me, it's funny that podcasting's like the swinging of comedy, where you go, like, what are you guys going to do? Podcasting? You're like, no, unless you'd be down with that.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I mean, we haven't really talked about it. Yeah.
We're on. I don't know.
Like, if we're just sitting around riffing, you know, like maybe just.

Speaker 1 No, I think it was a genuine compliment. I mean, that was

Speaker 1 okay. Let me ask you something.
Be real, though.

Speaker 1 He produces a show, right? Kind of. Yeah, kind of.
He also has something to do with my other one, too. Yeah.
Right. Yeah, he's always around.
He's always around, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 How'd you feel about his comment? Be real, though.

Speaker 1 The part that upset me,

Speaker 1 and I'm just going to tell you this, as someone that witnessed it, the part that upset me was that he looked at Andrew when he said it. He does that.
And I know that.

Speaker 1 Because when he said, here's just where i was sitting okay the comment happens and i go he just put out an hour yeah and then i went oh my god

Speaker 1 and then oh my god

Speaker 1 he's talking about bobby and i and i'm gonna tell you this right now i have felt guilty since the moment you said you you thought we were teaming up on you right so i'm i'm in defensive bobby mode and so when i noticed that the shot wasn't it right it was at you that there was a gunman on the grassy knolls yeah

Speaker 1 Take an aim? Okay.

Speaker 1 I've been molested, okay. Yeah.
So when it's happening to you as a kid, sure. Okay.
Right. Yeah, I know.
You're like, is this happening? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you started, like, you're in a different fantasy in your mind. Like, well, you know, I'm playing baseball with my friend.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we're just having a bad thing. When he was saying that to him, that's what I was feeling.
Yeah. Where am I? So he molested your mind.
He molested you?

Speaker 1 He molested me. He just came in.
You molested his mind. Dude, you molested my mind.
He just came in and played with his mind penis.

Speaker 1 And he had to fantasize you were talking about Andrew. Yeah, dude.
How dare you? He thought you were talking about Santino, and you're over here fucking touching his brain, dick.

Speaker 1 Anyway, you don't feel bad about it, do you? I apologize. Sorry.
Really?

Speaker 1 You know why he's doing that? Just because you pulled you do his movie. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm not doing your movie. I'm out.
I'm fucking out, dude. All right, we talked a little bit before you showed up, by the way.
I want your gauge on this.

Speaker 1 Bobby's got a couple of the sex toys, the blowjob toys. Oh, yeah, the ones with the mouth.
Have you ever done these things?

Speaker 1 I did at Moontower, they gave us a

Speaker 1 flashlight. Flashlight.
Yeah, we all use that. And I went upstairs and used it once, and it made me feel like a serial killer.
Yeah, cleaning it. The second I was, oh, I didn't.

Speaker 1 I fucking spunk in that bitch and threw her away.

Speaker 1 DraftKing Sportsbook. Can you believe we've had seven months without an NFL game, Andrew? I'm going to tell you, I was bummed about it.
I've been watching all preseason. I was Jones before.

Speaker 1 I love it. Let's go, baby.
It's crazy, right? Well, good thing that's over.

Speaker 1 NFL is here, and DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL, is giving you a can't-miss offer for week one.

Speaker 1 This week, new customers can get $200 in bonus bets instantly when you bet just five bucks on any NFL game. That's huge.
DraftKinks is hooking everyone up with game day greatness.

Speaker 1 All customers can take advantage of two new offers every single game day this September. Check out the app to see what you get.
Look, are my Chicago Bears going to be good this year? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I really hope so. All right, my name is Michael Bantezis.
I went to Sullivan High School. I can run.
I can play office and DC. Refresh Red or Perry.
I can do everything.

Speaker 1 And I got to tell you, I'm going to be putting my money down on DraftKings Sportsbook for my Chicago Bears. You can bet on your team too.
Download now and use the code Bad Friends to sign up.

Speaker 1 New customers can take home $200 in bonus bets instantly just for betting five bucks. That's code BAD Friends, only on DraftKings Sportsbook, an official sports betting partner of the NFL.

Speaker 1 The crown is yours. If you got a gambling problem, call 1-800-GAMLER.
Visit www.1-800-gambler.net. In New York, call 877-8 Hope NY or text Hope NY467-369.

Speaker 1 In Connecticut, help is available for a problem in gambling. him a call, 888-789-7777.
Or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly on behalf of Booth Hill Casino Consort.
KS 21 plus age.

Speaker 1 Varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario's CCDKNG.co slash football for eligibility.
Terms of responsible gaming resources. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance.

Speaker 1 Eligibility and deposit restrictions apply. Let's stop talking about sex now.

Speaker 1 Too much sex for you. Yeah,

Speaker 1 let's do an exercise here, bud. Okay.
Let's go with the extreme opposite. Show him that clip.
Show him this woman. Look at this Korean woman from the hood.
Biggest Korean I ever seen.

Speaker 1 He's been going in there almost too long.

Speaker 2 I've been calling since I've been here.

Speaker 2 What's wrong with the house?

Speaker 2 You rush a man out of the restaurant. No, John,

Speaker 2 look at it at 9:30. You told 8 to 9:30, he ain't got that.
Shit.

Speaker 2 No, you're not in the bathroom. I know he ain't in the bathroom.
Hey, yo.

Speaker 2 Two hours? Hey, shit.

Speaker 1 Wait, watch when she calls.

Speaker 2 Rocky, call me. I've been calling you.
I don't know where you're at.

Speaker 1 Shit.

Speaker 2 That motherfucking ass was probably fish and shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I love her. I love her.
I love her. Motherfuckers out there fishing and shit.

Speaker 1 What was the exercise? What is it? We'll just talk about something completely different. What do you want to talk about? Mrs.
Kim in the hood.

Speaker 1 That's Mrs. Kim in the hood.
They said she makes the best collard greens. Oh, you want to talk about butterflies, buddy?

Speaker 1 You know this guy. Yeah.
All right, so I I was before the hurricane, I've been out in my patio and just in the sun. True.
Right? There's a lot of butterflies out. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And what I realized is that butterflies, they fly together and they do a dance. Oh, they're mating.

Speaker 1 You brought it back to sex, dude. When they're flying in tandem, they're mating.
What did you do? Yeah, you brought it right to the sex.

Speaker 1 And you're over here, birds and bees in the middle. How do you know?

Speaker 1 Couldn't that be fine? Because why are they flying? Were they in an air shot? Didn't they be in their own Studio 54? Like, boom, boom, boom. They're just fucking.

Speaker 1 And what did they do at Studio 54? They danced so they could go fuck. I see what you say.
Oh, fuck. You're right.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Taking the air out of my chair, dude.

Speaker 1 Okay. Okay.
Look at them fucking, dude. That's butterfly porn.
Did you fuck then? Butterflies? Everything does, buddy. Two of my favorite moments ever.
Like a dad? One of my favorite moments.

Speaker 1 Everything fucks, though. Yeah, yeah.
Seventh grade. Seventh grade, the toughest kid in my neighborhood, David Clark.
It's always first name, last name. David Clark.

Speaker 1 He would always talk shit to the teacher. We were in Mr.
Coons' science class.

Speaker 1 And he, first off, got kicked out one day for just putting car, he got bored, so he started putting CarMax on his shaved head.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he goes, I thought it'd be funny. And then one day, he was like a big kid.
Yeah. This is before he got sent to military school.
He's just sitting in science class, and he goes,

Speaker 1 Hey, Mr. Coons, how we were learning about mosses, the moss and stuff.
He goes, hey, Mr. Coons, how do mosses fuck like that? And everyone was like,

Speaker 1 get the hell out of here.

Speaker 1 Legitimate question. Legitimate science question.
And he was saying that. He was leaving.
He goes, I'm sorry. That's a science question.
That technically is a science question.

Speaker 1 And I really, as an adult, I'm like, if you phrased it different,

Speaker 1 it's a great question. You'd have stayed in the class.
Yeah. But that's a story of our whole lives.
Guys like us was like, man, you should have just done it the different way.

Speaker 1 I know what you were trying to do. That's why you think you're funny.
Could I take it? Always go the other way. Because he kicked him out and then he went.

Speaker 1 Now, reproductive-wise, you're like, so you're going to answer the question.

Speaker 1 You got to ask an honest question. You just have to get there the right way.
That was the thing. I could never do that in school.
Me neither.

Speaker 1 That's why us guys, that's why comics, we always were trying to find the tricky, funny way to do the thing, to get away with it.

Speaker 1 Because even though we knew, we were smart enough to go, I know this is going to get me in trouble, but

Speaker 1 it's going to be great. And then I'm going to tell my parents, I'm just, I just drew a dick and gave it to the health teacher.
It was just a dick. They gave us pictures of dicks.

Speaker 1 I got suspended in seventh grade because we were learning about onomanopoeias and acronyms. And I was just doing like wild onomanopoeia acronyms.
Like splat.

Speaker 1 And I would like write out like a crazy shit. And my teacher was like, what is this? It was like aliens barfing on this.
I was just like, ooh la. And I like write this like crazy ass shit.

Speaker 1 And they were like, we got to suspend you. You can't be writing that.
And then my mom was like.

Speaker 1 Technically, you did the assignment. Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. What do you want me to do, lady? So can I play Nintendo 64 or not? Are you going to take it out of the basement or can I go downstairs and play Nintendo 64?

Speaker 1 Definitely lived in the basement, by the way. It was the only place.
The Nintendo 64 couldn't get on a second floor.

Speaker 1 Had to stay low. That's subterranean game.

Speaker 1 Had to stay deep in a cave.

Speaker 1 That's what we did. When we played, for some reason, when we all played games like that,

Speaker 1 when we played 007 and shit, it was always in the dark. We would always turn off all the lights.
For no other reason than it was like, made me feel like.

Speaker 1 That's what you grew up with. I grew up with with in television.
Well, you're fucking 50. I know that's what I say.
It's crazy. Well, you had a lot of people.
I remember when Pong was happening.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that was like... You're in the future.
I mean, yeah, Santino and I were seniors in high school when PlayStation 2 came out. Wow.
Which you were like, this fucking rules.

Speaker 1 Techmobile was a huge thing. Ooh, I still played it.
We liked Tecmobull, but we had, we had the advancement from your generation to ours was insane.

Speaker 1 I mean, you guys were literally playing Techmobile, and we were playing NCAA College Football, which you could then take your guy and move him to Madden.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you had like, there was like a whole world you could play through EA Sports. I had a kid in high school,

Speaker 1 as an elementary game. He hit it in television, and there was an RPG, but the RPG was a dot.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was your character, right? Oh, my God. And there were just walls, right?

Speaker 1 He goes, hey, man, I'm in a dungeon right now. I was like, holy fuck.

Speaker 1 And he goes, check this out. And he put the dot against this line and he hit it a couple of times.
He goes, it's a secret room. It was just another little square.
That's so funny.

Speaker 1 But it was a secret room. But I was like mind-boggling.
What dog? Is there a dragon in there? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's insane that you guys grew up with Nintendo. Yeah.
I remember when I was little, Game Boy came out, and I got a Game Boy for my birthday, and my dad was trying to outdo my mom.

Speaker 1 So he's like, Yeah, I bought you a bunch of games. And I was like, Let's go.
But he bought me Nintendo games

Speaker 1 because he thought they went into the game. And I remember taking Mario Bros.
3 and my Game Boy going, C?

Speaker 1 And my dad's like, all right, I got it. It's got to be an adapter.

Speaker 1 That's exactly what it is.

Speaker 1 Did you guys ever play that snake game on the Nokia? Oh, my God. All the time.

Speaker 1 See, here's the thing.

Speaker 1 We can go back and play all your games. You can't go forward and play all our games.
What do you mean? Our games are too advanced. I grew up with them.
Oh, dude, I'm advanced. Look at them now.

Speaker 1 I saw your whole brain acting. I think the game that shocked me the most, like, visually, that I was so into, Doom on PC, was crazy.
Dude, that was

Speaker 1 on PC.

Speaker 1 Because that was like, if you remember the original immersive the original game doom was like it was duke nukem but also it's uh spear of destiny yes and my fucking big dick nick big dick my stepdad was super into computers and he was like oh do you want to play this game called spear of destiny and i was like you're shooting nazis

Speaker 1 and he was like yeah and i remember him loading that up on the computer me being like am i allowed to touch this computer this is

Speaker 1 very advanced

Speaker 1 i fucking love that i love that and then i love turok Dinosaur Hunter. Turokin's hunter.
Turok was fucking red. You didn't know any of those games.
I didn't know anything about it.

Speaker 1 And then Goldeneye comes out, and you're like, look, that changed the game. And then Perfect Dark.
That was Turok, Dinosaur Hunter. Turok.
Turok shit was fucking. Look at the cover.
Zoom in.

Speaker 1 Look at how dope that cover is. Yeah.
64 was, for me, the game changer. It was Nintendo 64.
Nintendo 64 did do everything for me. Nintendo 64, even the first Mario.
You're like, that's the future.

Speaker 1 But see, could they pitch that today? Him stabbing a dinosaur in the throat. That's that new Adam Driver movie.
What?

Speaker 1 74? 65? 65.

Speaker 1 That's Turok Dinosaur Hunter. Ariana.
There's Dreamblots in that. Yeah, they just did that movie where they were like, what if Adam Driver fights dinosaurs? That's sick.

Speaker 1 By the way, I just saw a preview for a movie that's going to come out about

Speaker 1 GameStop, the GameStop Bitcoin movie. I heard it.
I heard Paul Dano's in it. Yeah.
And I heard it. He's the star.
I heard it fucking rich. I mean, it looks amazing.

Speaker 1 One of my friends saw a screening of it and said it fucking. It's about the GameStop.

Speaker 1 You know, they were fucking. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But it's Paul Dano, Seth Rogan,

Speaker 1 Pete Davidson, and Sebastian Stan. Yeah.
Yeah. Dude, the trailer, I was like, holy fuck.
And Dano, he's so

Speaker 1 small and so good at small stuff. He's the, he is our, like, Philip Seymour Hoffman.
He's like, oh, that's a really good guy.

Speaker 1 He just can do everything.

Speaker 1 He can be the riddler. He can be a dickwad in this.
And Pete is.

Speaker 1 Pete. Pete.
He's doing Pete. Pete does Pete.
Pete does Pete the best.

Speaker 1 No one's doing Pete better than Pete. Yeah.
Pete's Pete and right there.

Speaker 1 I always love when you see Pete in movies because you go, yeah, he just wore that there. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's like, oh, no, I don't feel like changing.

Speaker 1 I don't know. All these cooks are probably suck.
Do I want to change them?

Speaker 1 I can just put him on a gun. It is true, though.
He's gotten away with that.

Speaker 1 Like, just being him the most, that's gotten him the furthest.

Speaker 1 Honestly, for a lot of us, it's a good lesson of just like, be yourself more. Yeah, it's not going to.
why, why change?

Speaker 1 But also, I was explaining that to my little sister about how she's like, she's saying, oh, so-and-so, it wasn't in reference to him, but it was like, oh, that guy always does that

Speaker 1 whenever I see him. And it's like, yeah, that's because they do the best at that thing.
Why would they shift? I saw that.

Speaker 1 Ricky Gervais said that years ago when he was like really blown up after the office and all this shit. And he was like getting all those movies and stuff.

Speaker 1 He was like, sometimes I see people and, you know, he's like, people criticize me. They say, you do the same thing.

Speaker 1 He goes, but sometimes I prefer someone that does the same thing incredibly versus a lot of things okay. Yeah, right.
He's like, so I'm doing one thing, but I do it the best.

Speaker 1 Yeah, instead of Jack of all trades, master, or none, you want, you might as well just do the thing that you're the fucking thing. When I see Danny McBride, I want to see him Danny McBride.
100%.

Speaker 1 Well, that's why, that's why Will Farrell has always been Will Farrell. Whether you like it or not, he stayed Will for 25 fucking years.
He made George Bush lovable. Yeah, dude.
You like saw George W.

Speaker 1 Bush and you're like, well,

Speaker 1 in my mind, it's the Will Farrell version. Same thing with, well, same thing.

Speaker 1 Growing up in Chicago, Harry Carey, like we knew Harry Carey as kids, but when Will Farrell did it, it was like, I almost remember Will Farrell more than I remember Harry Carey.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you remember that

Speaker 1 impression of him.

Speaker 1 Who, I think, one time flirted with my mom. Harry Carey did? Yeah.
At a bar. Yeah.
Flirted with my mom. And I think

Speaker 1 I might be.

Speaker 1 That's so good. Harry's boy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I can give your boy a baseball.

Speaker 1 But it's going to cost you. And your mom's like, oh, I understand.
What's up with the little redhead?

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 Oh!

Speaker 1 Okey-toky. All right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Here's the deal. Yeah.
And I'm being real. I know.

Speaker 1 When I first met you, the first time that you were even in my visual range

Speaker 1 was maybe a couple years ago.

Speaker 1 a quarter two it's only two feet yeah and I and I I go I I had heard your name but I couldn't put a put a face to the name and then you were like I'm Dan Soder in the hallway there at the store and I go oh Okie dokie

Speaker 1 every time I think about it I say okie dokey and then

Speaker 1 and then years and then all of a sudden there's algorithms and stuff and then you would pop up on my thing and then but then I hadn't seen you until you came to my house yeah right and I didn't know how it was gonna go yeah it went excellent.

Speaker 1 It was very fun. It was so excellent.
And you and I have a good chemistry. Great.
And I think we respect each other.

Speaker 1 Absolutely. But I think that in my mind and in my heart,

Speaker 1 what's the funny? Nothing. Why are you laughing? I'm being real.
You're funny. In my mind and my heart, I believe that you're a part of my regime.

Speaker 1 You're a part of my company.

Speaker 1 You're a part of my what? Your troop. I like that.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're always going to be in my heart. Can I tell you something? Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Always obviously known of you, watch you on Mad TV. Thank you.

Speaker 1 I was there when you hosted my first episode of Live at Gotham was the episode before yours. Don't remember.

Speaker 1 In New York in 09. So I'd always been around you, but never really met you.
You didn't meet me that night? No. Because

Speaker 1 I didn't do well, and I wanted to go get drunk. Oh, I see.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Those were tough. Yeah,

Speaker 1 it sucked. I hated watching them made me anxious.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But now, when I got to go do Tiger Belly, because I had met you in the store and I met you briefly at a festival, but we never really got to hung out.

Speaker 1 Doing going over to your house and hanging out with you, then getting lunch, I was like, man, not only do I get why everybody loves this guy, but I fucking love this dude.

Speaker 1 I'll go to war for Bobby Lee. Thank you.
I was like, dude, that guy fucking rules. If you talk to anybody that I talked to after, I went to Bert's house right after that.

Speaker 1 I was like, Bobby Lee's the fucking man. We just had a great lunch.

Speaker 1 He said, Yeah, he agreed. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He agreed. Okay.
But I'm telling you, and I've loved this fucking ginger snap. You love this fucking guy all of a sudden.
He's in my heart, too, dude.

Speaker 1 This ginger snap and I are the same age, and we just fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 this, this right here, it's the best. It's the best, it's the fucking best.
It's the future and the past, it's the present. I love it.
Well, I gotta tell you. It's all three.
It's a goddamn damn.

Speaker 1 You're dead to me. It's a goddamn legacy, Bobby.
I love you, though, Pork.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a big friend.