Sleeping Away Your Sadness, Working Away My Pain w/ Dan Soder

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Peloton. Did you spread it? Yeah.
You have to open it up. You have to open it up.
You don't open it up? No, I'm a trumpet player. Oh yeah.
You ever have a coffee carrot? Please open it up. Oh! Coffee carrot.
Drink it. Drink it here a bit.
Mmm. You two are bad friends who are these two idiots macone just broke a piece of glass in the studio he broke uh...
My glass. A piece of glass.
It's about

yay big. I don't know.

What's this? That's how I describe you. Yay big.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Alright, well that was rude.

What do you mean, yay big? When somebody goes,

how big is Bobby? How big is your best friend Bobby?

I go, yay big. Okay, good.
So, yay

big.

Alright, anyway. So, you owe me

one. You owe him a new piece of glass.

Anyway, last night, well, it was my

first hurricane, and I'm going to say that

I'm going to go that not that big of a deal. Not that big of a deal at all.
Yeah, I went outside and everything. You know what I mean? I went to a local bar with my sister.
Really? My sister says hi. They're in town.
They want to come see you. See me where? They want to come say hi.
She came over at three in the morning last night anyway um jesus yeah was that the hurricane yeah that was the earthquake i felt yeah that was the earthquake yeah we had an earthquake and a hurricane yeah anyway it was fun last night but anyway um so anyway uh last, okay, I lived through it.

Hurricane Hillary ripped up Southern California.

So then I went into my, you know, I have a little, not a cover, what do you call it?

Pantry.

Okay.

How many pantries do you have?

One.

I have three.

How many do you have?

Pantries for food?

I have one place for food. You have a lot of pantries?

Well, I converted a couple of closets. Did you convert a whole bedroom? And another bathroom as a pantry.
Oh, cool. I have three, though.
For you, it makes a lot of sense. In your face, dog.
But anyway, pantry king. Pantry king.
Fat guys do. Oh, shit.
Do you think I could convert an entire bedroom to a pantry? That's true. But guess what? In my third pantry last night, I fucked real hard last night.
But anyway, let's... Whoa! Did you? Your sister.
Anyway. Oh, boy.
I'm kidding. I love her.
But anyway, last night I bought... Well, you better.
What did you buy last night? You're all fired today, dude. What did you buy last night? Is that something I bought? It's something that I forgot about.
Have you ever bought something you forgot to buy? No. You mean you buy something and you forget when it shows up? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you bought something, you put it away, and you're like, oh, I bought that? Yeah, what did you buy, babe? It was a blow... It was a...
Be nice. It was a blowjob machine.
It was a blowjob machine. So jealous.
Right? And this one, dude, I was like, there's no way it's going to work.

But you already have a few.

But this one in particular, I was like, usually the one, you charge it, right?

On a, like, UCB.

This one's a battery one.

So it was like, oh, my God, this is like the 80s where you're about to put, like, double-A batteries in it.

Yeah.

The plus and the minus, whatever.

So I put it in there.

I screw it in. And it looks like a fucking, um.
It looks like a blowjob machine i bet no it doesn't no it doesn't look like from afar it looks like a hair dryer it has the same setup like a handle yeah and like the right yeah so there's no way last night i'll try it i stuck it on and as soon as my penis went in it, I was like, this is different. Yeah.
This is new. Did you have to put anything inside of it or just get it started and get it going? Oh, I have a variety.
I have heat, cool. Whoa.
Every brand of lube. You know how I do it with sunflower seeds? Yeah.
I do it with lube, too. Yeah.
You know how David Sunflower sunflower seeds sponsors us? A multi-flavored lube. Do you taste the...
No, I don't taste it. It's not hot.
It's not like fucking... It's fully edible though.
They're food grade. You're going to trick me again because I'm going to do it...
Lube is food grade. I know, but I'm going to go home and do it and I'm going to get, and then you're going to laugh at my face.
Everybody knows lube is food grade. Imagine.

If you have to put it inside of people, it must be safe for you to consume.

Yeah.

You did that with my cum.

Yeah.

You said cum has a different flavor.

It is food grade.

I told you to taste it.

I tasted it.

It tastes the same.

On every day?

You have to do every day of the lube. You're going to trick me again?

Monday's different than Friday.

What do I do?

Anyway.

So last night, you know, the hurricane's going and stuff.

Yeah, I'm in the bathroom. Okay.
When you masturbate, you've masturbated before, right? A couple times. You're very good.
Yeah. Carlos, I bet you're a pro.
This guy's ranked. Are you ranked, do you think, on a national level? Top 5,000? Yeah, you've got to be top.
I don't know. Are you a master though? Masturbator? Yeah, I mean, you know, like chess, you know, because...
What's your rank? What's your rank? In chess, like 2,000 is unbelievable. Yeah, so 5,000 you think as a masturbator? Maybe like 20,000.
Out of 250 million in America, that's pretty good. Not bad.
Yeah. So what happened? You think you performed well last night, huh? You think you did a good job? Yeah, I bet you had Indian guy is fucking number one.
Those guys are always the best. Well, them and the Chinese, they do it the best.
Spelling B is chess, and then masturbating, they're the best. Which they can all do at the same time.
So, um... Rook to pond.
So, anyway, I just woke up, so I'm not even clear. But I've never made a noise orgasming.

I went like, oh, first.

Yeah.

I'm going to write you the lyrics.

Right?

O-H-O-O-O-H-H-O-O.

Right?

And then the last one is capital, capital.

You know how Trump, when he tweets and he's angry?

Oh. On true social, it's all capital.
Yeah. Oh, 15 times.
A lot of votes. So this is the lyrics of that song.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Dan Soder's here. Dan Soder, come on here, you fucking dipshit.
Ladies and gentlemen, Dan S Soder I thought you were out of the fucking Our beautiful state I never leave Dude he just cripped He cripped in here Did you see that? He was cripping in I see what you're repping dude Did you see me getting out? Damn what's up doc? Doc? Doc? What's up to you doc? I don't know I don't know I don't know Oh Really? Really? Okay Alright Please sit down in our blue chair. I'm not Buffalo Bill, but New York style.
Oh, dishonor! Whoa! Fucking, you're canceled! That's racism! Ticket sales cancellations bring. Gillis is selling out 6,000 seaters, dude.
Oh, cool. I love to fucking do an arena.
What did you bring? You brought a little gift, Danny? Yeah, I just did Mark Maron's podcast. He says, by the way, he knows you're gay.
Did he say that for real? He goes, by the way, tell Andrew I know he's gay. Finally, he reads my text messages.
Let me ask you, is it fun? Not fun. Was it fun? It was fun.
I got emotional. Can I just say this? He digs deep, huh? I know.
He's too deep. He got me, dude.
He goes too deep. What did he give you there? One of his bullshit coffee mugs? Yeah.
Oh, cool. It was like, hey, you cried about your sister.
Here's a mug. No, go get a cup of coffee.
How many times have you done it? I only did it once. Me too.
One time. Only one time.
I think he only does one. He has a one-time deal.
I think people he likes, he invites back twice. I know, like Tarantino.
Yeah. Well, Tarantino's huge.
My dumb ass being like, and then I like comedy again. Dude, I was just across the street.
I got to tell you guys this. I grabbed food real quick across at that diner.
I sat at the counter. The most L.A.
shit in the world. What happened? There was just this super old guy on the phone, and he's talking about Post Malone, and he's like, yeah, listen to his CD.
It's a good CD. He's good.
His CD's real good. Then he starts talking about naked ladies.
Oh, I love this guy. And it was so old and porny where he goes,

hey, look her up.

Look her up.

She used to do solo and girl on girl.

She real good body.

He goes,

but now she's doing regular porn.

Throw eight inches at her.

And I was like,

oh my God.

Oh, wow.

Carlos, you were next door before this?

I thought it was Bobby.

That's 100% Carlos's conversations

on the phone.

Yeah, you got to look up her stuff.

I was looking up the girls

he was saying.

No, I mean real.

I swear to God.

Do you remember any of the girls' names?

I don to God. Do you remember any of the girls' names? I left the tab up.
Yeah. Because I knew I was coming here.
Yeah, God bless. I wasn't like, let me delete the thing that we're going to definitely talk about.
Who was he ranting about? He was ranting about this girl named Sid Wilder. Oh, I know her.
Wait, wait, wait. First of all, Sid, I know her.
Sid, her. Sid Wilder.
Wait, wait, wait. She's not a porn star.
Okay. She's more of a, she's a comedian.
Oh, yeah, she does. I know who this is.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but she, I know her.
Yeah. She used to do stand-up or something.
Yeah. She did stand-up.
She did a Kato Kaelin. She's also more of a social media kind of a thing, but I know her.
She's not a porn star, and I see what you're trying to do. No, the other girl he brought up was something Scott.
I erased her one. Sydney Scott? There's one right there.
It's a blonde lady named... Just an elementary school teacher named Sydney Scott? No, I'm going to find fun.
He's like, and then there's a girl who teaches my kids. Yeah, I love her.
I'd like to see her tapes. Damn, dude, this guy was such an old perv.
By the way, we're setting records. Another teacher got busted for just this past week for a, I want to say threesome or foursome.
It was in the news. I think she was in Idaho.
Which one? Look up the news. Another one.
Well, there's one in the Bronx. I saw that one.
Yeah, but those are always. Threesome, that one.
Teacher allegedly arranged threesome with schoolgirl and mom wait and it was a dude that pulled this no I think this was a girl right oh no that guy oh that guy this guy pulled it whoa well I mean if you do it with a parent I mean they get consent right it's like a they had the field trip form yeah I mean you go listen before I suck and fuck you and your daughter you can bring your kid to a rated R movie if you're there, right? Exactly. I guess that's why you bring your parent to the school day.
I don't know. There's absolutely a slimy lawyer that's like, we got this.
It's called the permissionist. The permission slip defense.
This is like in Wisconsin if you're underage. You know, if your parent is there, you can drink.
Do you know about this? What? In Wisconsin?

It's kind of like local, not a law, but like people just go with it.

You're allowed to drink under, minors under this age are allowed to consume alcohol as long as they're accompanied by a parent, legal guardian, or spouse of legal drinking age

in Wisconsin.

It is a law.

Damn, dude.

They have, that's basically like training wheels for booze.

100%.

They're like, hey, I let go back a block ago. You've been blacked out with them.
You're good to go, buddy. Just keep pedaling.
Thanks, man. Yeah, dude.
Wisconsin would be the state that does that. 100%.
But we used to go up there when I'd go with my parents to Irish Fest, and we'd go to a bar, and it always felt like we were getting away with something. But the bartenders were like, what are you looking at? What do you want? I'm like, one of the beers? And they're like, okay, which one? How old are you? I was like 17, 18.
So you're already drinking. Well, yeah, but never in a bar.
If we got into a bar, it's because we knew someone whose uncle owned it, who was just a degenerate blackout. He would just sit at the end of the bar and he's like, just make sure none of you guys drive.
You guys wouldn't have wanted me around in high school getting drunk. Were you drinking in high school? I got super gay.
He was a meth head. I would get so gay, dude.
Tell him you did meth in high school. Bobby, you would do meth in high school? I did meth at 11.
What? Well, that's when you can get it, when you're about 10 or 11. That's when you start understanding society.
Wait, but what is that? Because at 11, you still have child energy. You know, you still have like, I want to go do that! And then with meth, were you just, did you shoot to the moon? No, my dad was always going to come in, so I had to prepare myself.
Oh, no, you did paranoid meth? Paranoid meth. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's coming, he's going, oh, yeah, yeah, my meth. When did you, who gave you the meth? My dad.
No, no. No, I got to know.

What happened was one day, from Minnesota to San Diego, it was like when I was 10 or whatever.

Sure.

And then we moved to the suburbs, Green Valley.

Okay.

Beautiful, beautiful.

You know what you get in the suburbs is good meth.

You get drugs.

You get real drugs.

You get bored kids doing drugs.

With this.

It was the first time I ever saw a Filipino kid, you know what I mean, with a mustache.

They had full-grown mustache at 11 or 12.

Do you know that?

Yeah, yeah.

I'll see you next time. You get bored kids doing drugs.
With this. It was the first time I ever saw a Filipino kid with a mustache.
They had full-grown mustache at 11 or 12. You know that? Yeah.
It was insane. They really do.
They come in and do it. Deep boys.
But they can't grow beards. They can grow the mustache.
Their bodies are hairless, but their upper lips. Their upper lip is insane.
From the time they're bored. And there was a kid.
He flipped over a skateboard, and he was doing a line. He must have been like five years older than me.
You thought it was coke? No, I didn't know what it was, but I remember going, I was in so much pain. I just remember just being in so much pain.
Like sad? Yeah, I mean, my parents were so violent. I got all Fs on my report card.
They thought I had Down syndrome. They thought I was re-re-re.
Yeah. And's.
Yeah. And I just walked across there and I go, can I have some? I just knew that it was a drug.
I knew that it was going to change the way I felt. You see that, kids? If you're doing bad in school.
Just your drugs. Little bump will do you.
Yeah. Just a little bump will do you.
A little bump will do you. Anyway, but in high school, we got drunk.
I would probably try some stuff with you guys. Really? When you get drunk, you'd be like, just kiss me, you fool.
He did. He did all that stuff all the time.
I did that all the time. Did any of your friends take you up on the offer? Oh, yeah.
Oh, my God, dude. Yeah.
San Diego, have you ever been down there? Yeah. Everybody's pansexual.
Oh, it's Pan City, dude. It's Pan City down there.
Panama! Let me say something. Let me say something.
Like, if, you know, the women back then like now it's like being an Asian guy you're like oh it's normal like I you know I think if I was young now I'd you would have been killing right in the party walking in like this right yeah the women did you ever have a friend do it and then like call you the next day and be like hey don't fucking tell anybody Oh, no, no, it was a There was a you know, you know conduct well you look at each other You guys do the predator? You still talk to any of those guys that you hooked up with from high school? You were drunk, so it's like no one knows.

He's right.

It is a hookup.

I didn't say you dated them.

It's not a hookup.

It's a hookup.

How is that not a hookup?

It's a drunk hookup.

Fuck you, dude.

What's a hookup?

Google what is hooking up.

It's a hookup.

That is a hookup.

You hooked up.

And then now their wives are like, so you guys went to high school together.

That's why he's never been to a reunion. He cannot face those things.
Being intimate, sexual with someone without being in a committed relationship with them. That's a hookup, buddy.
That's a hookup, dude. So you hooked up.
Yeah. No.
Yeah, there's nothing wrong with that. You get yours.
He's not a hookup. You don't like it.
No, it doesn't say anything about that. No, it doesn't mean.
Listen, if you eat a meal, it doesn't mean if it's good or bad, you still ate a meal. Oh, go, go, go, go.
Hey! Yeah, that's true. You've eaten a lot of meals.
You're a hungry bully. I feel like I'm being bullied right now.
You're not. Yeah, yeah.
Back up. Let's bring this down.
Back up? I just want to tell you right now, Bobby, I find this very... Do you really? I swear to God.
And I think if I would have been doing meth, I might have been tossing out some HJs. I wasn't doing meth at the time when I was doing meth.

I doubt it. You're not

an HJ guy. You don't think so? You would do meth

and go build something. Yeah.

Soders up, build in the shed again. Or go teach

me a different fighting style. What's an HJ?

Huh? HJ. What's an HJ? Handjob guy?

Suck job. Are you a handjob guy?

The first time I

got a handjob, I

almost said, please stop it. Really? It was so uncomfortable.
Oh, yeah yeah how young were you pulling from a guy or girl from a guy girl it's almost always been a girl for me yeah can we start from the beginning bobby i i still i just feel like what can we just probably you're I'm okay but can I just say something I was highly sexual

you have to understand

being a Korean dude in the 80s back then... What do you mean? Everybody was highly sexual when they were 15 years old.
Okay, okay, okay. 16 years old.
I'm just saying, in the 80s back then, they just didn't... No girls liked guys that looked like me.
Well, no, no, no. It's because of where you lived.
You live in an affluent, white San Diego. Okay, whatever.
You would have killed it up here. I would have killed it in Korea, maybe.
San Francisco, Los Angeles, maybe. What do you think was the biggest deterrent for girls when you were young? Me? Yeah.
Maybe because I was three foot two. Did you ever go hunting for small women? Did you ever see like, did a small girl...
We didn didn't have the viets I was looking for the viets dude I wore the fucking military hat I was out there Charlie Charlie What about a tiny white? No Tiny whites don't like you See you should have had Agent Orange with you. I would have taken him down for you.
With Agent Orange?

Yeah, I would have.

I mean, it trails and everything, dude.

Oh, my God. Dude, I had a Ho Chi Man trail and everything, dude.

Be real, dude.

You think because of your height was the biggest deterrent.

Also, I'm weird.

Yeah, let's do that.

I'm going to tell you right now.

I'm weird.

I was a tall.

Hey!

I fucked up!

I fucked up my personality.

I fucked up!

I was a tall weird and they didn't like me. See? They did not.
They were like, were an athlete. I sucked.
By proxy though, girls did just think you're tall and attractive. I'm an athlete.
I was on the tennis team and wrestling team. That's not athletic.
The wrestling team, though, the problem with that is those guys are so hardcore about wrestling. That's all they can think and talk about all day.
Yeah. Football players, basketball players, all they're thinking about is girls.
And the shitty basketball players and the shitty football players, a la me. Yeah.
We're playing the sport, but we're also concentrating on where are we going to get fucked up? Yeah, where are we going to get fucked up? We were the guy. I was the guy that was like, where are you going to get beer? And you're like, I got beer.
Don't worry. You know, you turn to me.
We're on the bench. But weird it does it stops you from getting pussy thank you but now but now short king thing this is a new thing dude all over the internet you're in your element right now dude you couldn't shine anymore short king look up short kings dude short kings are all over the place they're having short king parties what just for you guys they're having parties with dudes not above five foot seven and the girls are all like above five foot10.
Whoa. Do you want to go to one of these, bud? Dude, look up short king parties.
Let's get you a fucking tall queen, dude. Listen, Fred.
You don't think I fuck good? At first of all, hold on. Hey, pal.
Don't come over here with that. I think you fuck great.
You don't think I fuck good? You little hummingbird. I'm doing fine.
I think you're great in the last in the hey, hey, pal pal in the last 30 years I've been in the game A couple weeks your tone is different. You know what? I love you Before last week, you're different right now.
Let me tell you right now Bobby Bobby. And you're getting up on me with bullying.
I'm not doing anything. Bobby, all of you are against me.
Let me tell you right now. We had a lovely lunch last week.
You and I? Yeah. One of the best.
One of the best lunches. You pooed.
I did poo. Yeah, but you was good.
And you washed my back? I did. Like a real friend.
Wait a minute. Mid-lunch, you went to the bathroom? After lunch.
Yeah, yeah. I processed it.
Why did you wash his back? Well, he didn't wash. He watched my back.
He watched his back? What are you fucking? I'm not gay, dude. Yeah, dude.
What are you getting? Let's rewind the tape. Let's rewind this tape on this podcast.
Bobby, but I was saying, because we had such a lovely lunch, I want you to do even better than before when I met you. And I'm saying right now, I know you're doing great, but how much better could you do if you show up at a short king party?

You're the man.

You're the man at this short king party. Short king function, men under 5'8", and the dates have to be over 5'10".

This is amazing.

I love this.

This is Dana White matchmaking.

Now look at yourself.

Could you imagine yourself with these fellas right here?

I like these guys.

Pretty good energy.

Press play on that.

Let's see what they got going on, these guys.

Oh, hell yeah.

Look at all these girls are tall.

And a lot of times, tall girls are hot, but they're tall, so men are like, hey, big so like men are like hey they're intimidated by it by the way this is my favorite thing about short king parties all the girls have their arms wrapped around the guys like they have their arm resting on a man's shoulder because i've always dated girls five eight or taller you've never dated a short girl no and can i say this too and this is a little science when you're laying down i think it's's because their lengths are usually in the legs. Yeah.
So, torsos aren't really that much longer. So, it seems like you're making love to somebody that's your size.
Right. And then when you're laying down, it feels the same.
Feels the same. Exactly the same.
I mean, I have to do it a little bit. But if he goes down there, it takes him a long time to get back.
Yeah. I have to, like, when I want to kiss him, I have to stretch my neck a little bit.
Be careful. Yeah, yeah.
We just got to buy you one of those Joe Rogan neck stretchers. When I make a look, her neck is right here.
And then I go, I want to kiss. You go.
Yeah, I have to do that. I get that.
To get some breath. You're like, you're in the ocean.
Yeah. You're stretching your leg.
Let me get a kiss. Just keeping your

head above water.

Like Das Boot.

Das Boot.

Das Boot.

I have to do Das Boot.

You know what

Das Boot is?

No.

You've never heard

of Das Boot?

No, but I want to

find out what

Das Boot is.

Das Boot is a movie,

right?

It's one of the best

movies ever made.

It's pretty good.

It's a German movie.

Was it Russian or German?

I think it's German.

German.

Das Boot.

Das Boot.

Have you seen Das Boot?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Great movie, right? Yeah. Wolf von Peterson.
There's. Have you seen Das Boot? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Great movie, right?

Yeah.

Wolfram Peterson.

Who is it?

Wolfram Peterson.

Wolfram Peterson.

There's a lot of scenes of them trying to survive.

That's you fucking...

Yeah, that's me fucking...

You stuff, bitches.

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You know what I rewatched? Alien 1 and Aliens. Aliens.
Oh, this weekend. Yeah.
I mean, that's James Cameron. Well, the first one's not.
Ridley Scott. Yeah, Ridley did the first one.
Yeah, Ridley Scott did the first one. But both of those movies, when you rewatch them, you're like, this is pretty good shit, dude.
Dude, I might, you might have inspired me to watch them back to back because it's been probably 20 years since I've watched Alien Man. So I just went, I went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery this past week.
You know, they show movies in the cemetery. Yeah.
And I went to go see, it's Kill Bill. It was a Kill Bill sleepover.
One and two. Great.
Here's the wild shit. A, the movie holds up to an incredible degree.
Like I thought, I've seen that movie so many fucking times. Maybe it'll be whatever.
Phenomenal again. 4,500 people in the cemetery.
My brain goes to, someone's gonna ruin this. They're gonna be talking, they'll be fucking around.
Yeah. Everyone.
Silent. Really? Clap when they clap.

Laugh when they deserve to laugh. I was like,

how come we can't do this in normal functioning

society? Like, how come we can't just

all be on the same page? Do you love

those movies? Kill Bill.

I adore Kill Bill. What's the actor Michael Park? He

plays a couple of roles in it, but he

plays this Tijuana-like.

He's like some sort of a pimp or

something. It is Michael Park, right?

Michael Parks.

Michael Park. That monologue

I'm not sure what the fuck. Tijuana like like he's like some sort of like a pimp or something it is Michael Park right that's his name Michael Parks yeah Michael Park that that monologue he does I don't know if it's one or two two yeah that monologue it's in two yeah it's in the second one and so you know he wasn't supposed to have that part really no the after that they hired was out of town during the like table read then you get back in town so Tarantino you fucking change your flight ifino, you fucking change your flight.
I know. If Tarantino's just like, well, you know, you're gonna miss it? It's my great aunt's birthday.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, so Tarantino asked Michael Park, because he was already in the movie.
Yeah. Can you just read this part? And he crushed.
And he crushed so bad doing that part that Tarantino's like, oh, the other guy's fired. That's exactly right.
If he would have just shown up. Skip your aunt's birthday, bud.
Also, what's more important? It would have to be like, it would have to be like, oh, a Stanley Kubrick was reborn. Yeah.
And I'd shoot for him. Or your wife was getting heart surgery and you had to help do it.
No, no. Honestly.
You still think. I don't skip fucking Tarantino's.
I don't skip fucking Tarantino's. Tarantino's.
Tarantino's. Tarantino's.
Yeah. I'd rather have my wife die.
I, uh. I haven't watched.
That's how big that is. You know that, right Table Read for that.
Tarantino Table Read? Yeah. I'd rather have my wife die.

I, uh... I haven't watched...

That's how big that is.

You know that, right?

You heard that, Quentin.

If you ever want someone

to sacrifice everything

they've ever known and loved...

I'll blow you out.

I'll do whatever Tarantino is.

I'll do whatever.

Yeah, you heard my history.

I'll fucking do whatever.

Tarantino, you bring a line to Matt.

This guy will be at the Table Read.

I haven't watched Kill Bill since it was out in theaters. Phenomenal.
Honestly. Oh, you have to watch it.
It's so good again. Soty, how long are you in town for? Just until Wednesday.
Are you here running around promoting, or what are you doing? I was supposed to promote, but then there was a strike. Oh, yeah.
Oh, that's right. So I can't promote.
We're not allowed to talk about it. Yeah, I'm not even allowed to.
I did Howie Mandel's podcast, and the whole background and the whole background was the show and I was like hey That's gonna get me in deep shit. I need my health insurance.
What did he say was he like yeah leave it up there? He's like, I don't know I'll change it. He's cool Oh, yeah, I think people LA is the city where they understand Nobody wants to lose did you grow up with how like liking howie yeah, Bobby's world.
Yeah, yeah So when you was that the first time you met him? Yeah, what a nice guy, right? I've known for years, but I love him. Sweetheart.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like walking around.
Yeah, very nervous. Because I didn't know.
You don't know how that's going to be. Kind of like an old school dude.
You're like, I don't know if we're going to get along. I don't know how it's going to go.
And he was super fucking old. Did he show you his hologram? Yeah.
He's got Tupac's hologram. I know.
I love that. Yeah, yeah.
And then I, he does have two pounds. In a warehouse in LA,

it's,

it's some real adrenochrome.

It's a 50,000 square foot warehouse.

And I was like,

what's all the other rooms for?

He's like,

we're figuring it out.

I was like,

he already knows.

Oh yeah.

You're harvesting the fear of children.

I,

I,

it was one of those things where I'm anti,

I'm against AI and chat GBT.

It just scares me,

you know?

And I was like joking at first,

being like,

yeah, that shit kind of scares me.

And he's like,

but why does it scare you?

Yeah.

Allow it in.

And it really was that moment

where you're like,

are you a computer?

Why are you so big

on pushing computers on me, man?

He's like,

write down your feelings.

We'll talk about it on the show.

Zero, one, zero, zero, one, one, zero.

Sorry, I fucked up.

What were you saying?

But he doesn't take a second.

He's constantly busy. And it's like, I look at him like, I don't ever want to be like that.
No way. Just constantly.
No, he's just constantly doing what. You stay on the path you're on right now.
You're just fine. You almost do nothing.
That's so rude, dude. What's wrong with you today, man? Isn't that true? You're attacking me at all kinds of angles.
Isn't it true? What's the matter with you right now isn't it true that you you do you you like to do almost nothing i do so many things in my life so what are you talking about what do you mean you just said i don't want to do what how i meant you know i'm just saying he's constantly like 8 a.m to fucking 9 p.m yeah he's scheduled booked booked booked going going going he really did that as we did his podcast he's like i got something Yeah, yeah. He's constantly going.
And one time I asked him, I go, dude, he's like, if I stop and think I'm going to get depressed and I get in my head and I get really depressed. And he goes.
Oh, that was a good one. Did he do that? Yeah, he did that.
By the way. Yeah, yeah.
Just as a fart connoisseur. Oh, really? I could hear the splash back.
Thank you, man. Well well these seats are built for that we did buy one specifically

I am a little lazier than most

I'm not saying you're lazy

I think you like to do less

because I will join your team Bobby

and I will sacrifice myself for this conversation

I love to do nothing

you do?

what's nothing to you?

lay on the couch

all day

if I can

I think you have it

I'll walk my dog

what do I have?

you have a little bit of Howie Mandel

Yeah, I want to do stuff all the time. No, but you're constantly going.
Yeah. Sometimes we'll go off the road and you're like, oh, no, I'm going to Hawaii.
I'm doing a golf tournament in Italy. And I'm like, dude, slow down.
You know what? I'm going to agree. This is all I've got.
I'm going to die. I should do it while I can.
But I'm going to agree with Bobby. I'll watch your stories and I'll be like, I just saw you were doing a show.
How are you golfing with Travis Kelce? Because I feel like I've got to get it while I'm having it right now. I understand that.
But to argue what Bobby and I love to do, I work hard so I can take a Monday. Next Monday, right? Yeah.
I got nothing. Nothing.
And it, to me,

is better than doing anything.

I'm going to walk my dog twice.

See, I'm going to do that too.

But then I'm going to literally go upstairs.

I'm going to play PlayStation.

I'm going to watch TV shows.

I'm going to order food.

I'm going to maybe walk

to the Starbucks

at the base of my building.

Maybe.

And then that's going to be

a sick fucking day. When we went on tour, right? we would wake up on the tour bus, he's already got, he comes back with a bandana, a hiking backpack, a test racket, and you're like, where'd you go all morning? I went spearfishing.
Yeah, yeah. And it's like, you're just constantly going and it's like, I think you have the same thing that Howie has.
It's a sickness, without a doubt. It's a sickness.
You sleep away your sadness and I work away my pain. First of all, that's a beautiful song.
You sleep away your sadness and I work away my pain. Sounds like a Lana Del Rey song.
Oh, yeah. I work off all my pain and you sleep away your sadness.
You don't want to face it and neither do I. We're the same guy.
No one wants to face it. Two separate ends.
I just keep going and going and going and going and going and going and going. Yeah, but I like facing sadness.
Sometimes, yeah. I like to put a little dip in my mouth, lay down with my cat gooner, right? And listen to some really sad shit, dude.
Dude, that sounds honestly. And I bring out that machine, ooh, ooh, you know? See me, I listen to sad music in my car.
If I'm really sad, starting to sound the same, I miss the comfort of being sad. Yeah.
Nirvana. I like to take a drive and listen to sad shit.
Oh my God. So look, I'm still moving even when I'm...
Yeah, you can't, you're a shark. Just the machine has, yeah, I can't sleep.
You can't stop. I think I'm going to get one of those aura rings to find out how often I sleep at night.
Yeah. And I think genuinely, it'll register four hours a night, maybe.
I mean, I looked at mine because I don't snore, but I toss and turn. Yeah.
And I didn't know that until I lived with Katie. And she's like, dude, you flip and flop all the time.
Does she sleep really easy? She can't fall asleep, but once she's asleep, she's dead to the low. See, Katie's brain, I would think, is she does what I do where it's like...
Yes. Constantly.
Yes, she can't slow down. Once she slows down, she can sleep or whatever.
But then I'm, I can fall asleep fast and then I'm moving in my sleep and I'm up. So I sleep for like an hour.
Then I'm like, I'm up and I sleep for another hour. And I went and did the test and they were like, you're waking up 23 times an hour.
23? Oh, I have the same thing. And so I got a sleep apnea mask, but it didn't work.
It's like, there's something up with my nose Well, I feel like I'm suffocating fucked up face. I think what that is your You're Sorry Now it's so long it's long this way.
You gotta stop that I can't yeah, you do some don't put water on it. You know you know what? The prep his brain is so big.
It's weighted down his skin is I don't know why I'm what there's Dan Soder's head There it is, dude. Yeah, there did.
Don't put water on it. It keeps growing.
His brain is so big, it's weighted down.

His skin is...

I don't know.

That's why.

There's Dan Soder's head.

There it is, dude.

Yeah, there it is.

That is absolutely it, dude.

That's a bit long.

Look at that long-ass flat.

Is that me?

That's hilarious.

That's a long skull.

Yeah, yeah.

Wait a minute.

Look.

Give me Korean guy skulls.

What do they look like?

All right. No, I just want to see.
What the fuck? He's just doing some light racial phonology. Sassy normal.
Totally normal. There's no way.
Wait a second. Whoa.
That's cool. That's bad.
What does an Irish guy's head look like? I'm sure there's not a lot of room. What if a Korean guy's skull had little slits? Is that what you're looking for? You go, oh my God.
The orbital bone. What is that, just a Dropkick Murphy's album? Is that all we have inside of our heads? The pogues floating around our brain the whole time? It's just the shoulder tattoo of a Boston firefighter.
But when will you stop doing stand-up? 65 if I'm lucky. When they do not buy another ticket.
I'll be done at 60, 65. What do you think would be the next chapter of your life then? After that? Yeah, what do you do then? Dan, I'm 52.
You do the thing. I'm 52.
You're not going to quit at 60. Really? Yeah, because I'm 52 right now.
I can't even imagine quitting at 60. What about 65? No, I think 70.
Kevin Neyland, I'm done. See, you say this, but I think you're just like me in this regard.
You'll want to do stand-up performance or something like that until they tell you. I bet there's a form of podcasting when I'm like 65, 70, where I can do it from the comfort of my own home, get the creative outlet, be funny, because I'm going to want to be funny still, but stand-up with the traveling and writing a new hour and putting all the effort in i think like uh a while ago i was like if i can make nine hours of published stand-up throughout my whole career yeah then you're good i feel like i did it jesson said like almost the exact same thing remember we were backstage and he goes i'm working on my six hour or something like that and he goes i think this is it because he goes i want to for hours yeah he goes i want to look at it like a a discography yes and he goes i want to be proud of all them and he should be all his shit is great and he was like when i'm when i reach the thing i want to be at he goes then i don't put out hours anymore because you save your legacy that's what he wants because i think there is there is a little bit of that of like it's like a band, man.
When an old

band comes back together like Metallica, you're like

can you guys stop? We went and saw

them at MetLife and I was like, this is

a bummer. Should I not go? I'm gonna go see them

this Sunday. They're here.
They rock.

It's just not.

Who? Metallica.

I'm gonna be honest. Do you wanna

go on Sunday with me? Go to

the show. I love them.
Let's go. Go to the show.
I'm gonna say this. I love Metallica.
I've loved Metallica my I'm going to be honest. Do you want to go on Sunday with me? Metallica? I love them.
Let's go. Go to the show.
I'm going to say this. I love Metallica.
I've loved Metallica my whole life. For the first time seeing Metallica, it felt like James Hetfield was old.
Oh, no. Oh, no.
You felt it. I was like, oh, man.
I love Metallica. But it's the same as a professional wrestling fan when you watch them get too old.
You're like, don't get in the ring. Like Ric Flair, you're like, stop getting in the ring.
You don't need to get in the ring anymore. But you want them to be associated with it still, right? If you can.
In the world somehow. If they can be.
In a way that makes sense. In a way that makes them, doesn't, it's what Jesselnik was saying.
You want to leave a legacy where you're like, don't come back and make it Eddie Murphy should not come back to stand up comedy there's no legacy there's no legacy yes there is there is no legacy look let me see something who was one of the best comics that died in the last 10 years Patrice right yeah none of the kids know him that's not true that's not true they don't I think okay you're naming someone who's. Well, if you have no hours out, maybe there's no legacy.
Uh-oh, that's a shot. No.
Why didn't you look at me when you said it? Can I tell you that? I noticed that too. Why did you look at him and not me? You took the shot at Bobby.
Look at me and say it. Yeah, take the shot if you're going to take the shot.
Take the shot. You're going to shoot a guy in the back? Yeah, that's what you do.
No, you shoot, you shoot him. You know what he did, dude? He sucker punched you.
Yeah, that was. He walked up to me, boom, and punched you without even...
Just say it, you fucking coward. Go ahead.
Now, I was just saying the legacy thing. You know that you have to put...
Bro, bro. I love how red he's getting.
Go ahead. Yeah, go ahead.
Slow down. You have to put something out there to get a legacy.
I know what I'm saying, though, is that I know so many great comics that have died, right? Sure. Greg Geraldo.
There's no legacy. Okay, but what he's saying is if you built up something.
No one has it. In this day and age, in 100 years, future people are going to go, oh, look at Caligula by Anthony Jeselnik.
They're not going to say that. Someone might.
One guy. Who gives a fuck? You're dead.
No, but he's not saying it to himself. He's saying it for the sake of...
Take the legacy thing out. Yeah.
As fans of yours. Yeah.
Come see me live. That's the Jay Leno theory.
That's what he says. Yeah, come see me live.
He's not going to put out hours because he says, just come see me live until I don't do it anymore. Really? That's his whole thing? He did an interview with Rolling Stone or something like that where they were saying, how come you don't put out specials like everyone in your generation is doing now? Like Romano put out one, and he was like, just come see me live.
You want to see comedy? Come see me live. I've seen this.
I've heard about this. Hey, I'm the Jay Leno thing.
Yeah, he's got to go, hey, guys. Look at me, look at me.
I'm the Jay Lindner thing. You seen this? You heard about this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Apparently. I'm going to say, I mean, like, legacy is just a weird thing.
Okay, how about this? When Seinfeld dies, will he have a legacy? I've never seen him perform. I think Seinfeld should not have put out that Netflix special.
The one where it was all the old jokes? I don't think he should have done anything after I'm telling you for the last time. Right, right, right.
That was such an iconic way to close with the funeral at the end. Yeah.
Or at the beginning, and it was like all of his classic jokes in one tight HBO special. I think you hit hard.
What? When you said, I sleep away my sadness. Oh, you brought that back? Yeah, I'm bringing that back.
I love sleeping away my sadness. I know, I've been thinking about that just now.
You sleep away with sadness. I work away my pain.
Okay. All right.
So what I'm saying is that what you did, what you did, I'm never going to forget. You're referencing.
What you did, dude? Yeah. Nope.
Like 9-11, I will never forget. Never, dude.
Okay? What you did was fucking put a plane inside my body. Yeah.
Two of them, all right? You know what? And I'm falling right now, dude. And what you did, dude, I'm never doing your movie.
Can I tell you this right now? That movie that you watched the last week? That movie that you wanted me to do? Fuck you, dude. Bobby.
You're fucking dead with me, man. I'm going to tell you right now.
Fuck you, piece of shit. A lot of people say fancy.
You fuck! They say that he took the lessons on how to take off but never how to land.

So he was a terrorist.

I mean, the way you try to hit his

building, when he looked at

you and you went and hit me?

But he's building seven. I'm seven.
I'm tower seven.

He collapses. Yeah, you collapsed

him too, dude. But let's be honest.

This is very 9-11 because you do

self-implode. What are

you doing now, dude? Nothing.

Whoa, dude. I'm just saying you look like

it just looks like maybe the planes didn't do Thank you. This is very 9-11 because you do self implode.
What are you doing now, dude? Nothing.

Whoa, dude.

It just looks like maybe the planes didn't do as much damage as some of the internals.

It's an inside job.

All I'm saying is...

You're a deep state.

You're a deep state.

I don't know if his comment can melt steel beams.

That's all I'm saying.

I don't know if it's got to be...

Something else was at play.

Yeah, something was at play.

You notice how it was a control fall?

It was a control fall.

Why didn't it spread out?

Where's all the debris?

Where's all the debris?

And if you were around the fancy Bobby comment,

please check in because you might have

some carcinogenics.

Bro, though. Oh my God, I'm never never gonna forget.
I don't think you'll quit. I think you'll transition to something else.
What are you trying to drive me into a different fucking genre? What the fuck is going on here? I want you to take the music. You're gonna be the best plumber.
I swear to God. And honestly, I'm gonna give you this number while we're done with this podcast and they're gonna get you enrolled.
You're gonna be, I mean, it's gonna be sick. I think you should take the music more serious.
No, I'm going to give you this number while we're doing this podcast, and they're going to get you enrolled. You're going to be, I mean, it's going to be sick.
Yeah, yeah. I think you should take the music ability more serious.
No, I'm going to say what? I think you should take your music ability more serious. What do you, are you going to start a podcast with him? No.
I'd love to. And what's your dream, though? What's the name of this conversation right now? Our friendship will not be changed, and this podcast won't be changed by the fact that I do support you digging deeper into your music abilities and your love of music.
Okay. It is funny.
I want you to do it. It is funny how podcasting is.
Isn't this nice? I'm giving the guy a fucking huge compliment, and then you're taking it like it's scary. There's nothing underneath it.
There's nothing underneath it. Okay.
What are you doing? You good? Yeah. To me, it's funny that podcasting is like the swinging of comedy where you go like,

what are you guys going to do a podcast?

You go like, no, unless you'd be down with that.

I don't know.

I mean, we haven't really talked about it.

I don't know if we're just like sitting around riffing, you know?

Like maybe just.

No, I think it was a genuine compliment.

I mean, that.

That was.

He took a shot.

Okay, let me ask you something.

Be real though. He produces a show.
kinda yeah kind of he also has something to do with my other one too yeah right yeah he's always around the people's around right yeah what how do you feel about his comment be real though the part that upset me and I'm just gonna tell you this as someone that witnessed it the part that upset me was that he looked at Andrew yeah he does that and I know that because when he said here's just where I was sitting okay the comment happens and I go he just put out of now yeah and then I went oh my god and then oh my god he's talking about Bobby and I and I'm gonna tell you this right now I have felt guilty guilty since the moment you said you thought we were teaming up on you. Right.
So I'm in defensive Bobby mode. And so when I noticed that the shot wasn't at you.
It was at you. That there was a gunman on the grassy knolls.
Yeah. Take an aim.
Okay. That made me upset.
I've been molested. Okay.
Yeah. So when it's happening to you as a kid.
Sure. Is this happening? And you're in a different fantasy in your mind.
Like, I'm playing baseball with my friends. When he was saying that to him, that's what I was feeling.
Where am I? So he molested your mind. He molested his mind.
Dude, you. He just came in.
You molested his mind. Dude, you molested my mind, dude.
He just came in and played with his mind penis. And he had to fantasize you were talking about Andrew.
Yeah, dude. How dare you, dude? He thought you were talking about Santino, and you're over here fucking touching his brain dead.
Anyway, you don't feel bad about it, do you? I apologize. Sorry.
Really? You know why he's doing that? You greasy pork. So you do his movie.
Yeah, yeah. I'm not doing your movie.

I'm out.

I'm fucking out, dude.

All right, we talked a little bit before you showed up, by the way.

I want your gauge on this.

Bobby's got a couple of sex toys, the blowjob toys.

Oh, yeah, the ones with the mouth.

Have you ever done these things?

I did at Moon Tower.

They gave us a... Fleshlight?

Fleshlight.

Yeah, we all use that.

And I went upstairs and used it once, and it made me feel like a serial killer. Yeah, cleaning it.
The second I was, oh, I didn't. I fucking spunked in that bitch and threw away.
DraftKings Sportsbook. Can you believe we had seven months without an NFL game, Andrew? Let me tell you, I was bummed about it.
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Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance, eligibility, and deposit restrictions apply. Let's stop talking about sex now.
Okay. Too much sex for you? Yeah, let's do an exercise here, bud.
Okay. Let's go with the extreme opposite.
Show him that clip. Right.
Show him this woman. Look at this Korean woman from the hood.
This Korean I I ever seen. He been going in almost two hours.
I've been calling since I've been here. What? Might be stopped.
What's wrong with the house phone? You rush a man at the restaurant. No, Jonathan, I've been here since the end client.
Look at the 930. You're still 18, 930.
He ain't got that. Shit.
No, you're not in the bathroom. No, you're not in the bathroom.
Two hours?

Shit.

Wait, watch when she calls.

Rocky, call me.

I've been calling you.

I don't know where you at.

Shit.

That motherfucking ass with trouble in any fish and shit.

I love her.

I love her.

That motherfuckers out there fishing and shit.

Yeah.

Bro, what was the exercise? What is it it We'll just talk about something completely different Mrs. Kim in the hood They said she makes the best collard greens Oh you want to talk about butterflies buddy You know this guy Yeah Before the hurricane I've been out on my patio In the sun the sun.
Sure. Right.
There's a lot of butterflies out. Yeah.
Okay. And what I realized is that butterflies, they fly together and they do a dance.
Oh, they're mating. Is that what I'm about to sex, dude? When they're flying in tandem, they're mating.
What did you do? Yeah, you brought it right up. And you're over here, birds and bees.
How do you know? Couldn't that be? Why are why are they flying were they in an aerial show couldn't they be in their own

Studio 54

like boom boom boom

they're just fucking dancing

and what did they do

in Studio 54

they danced

so they could go fuck

I see what you're saying

oh fuck

you're right

okay

taking the air out of my chair

dude

okay

okay

look at them fucking

dude that's butterfly porn

they do fuck then

butterflies

everything does buddy

it's one of my favorite moments

Thank you. chair dude okay okay look at them fucking dude

that's butterfly

porn

they do fuck

them

butterflies

everything does

buddy

one of my

favorite moments

like a dad

everything fucks

yeah yeah

seventh grade

seventh grade

the toughest kid

in my neighborhood

david clark

it's always first

name last name

david clark

he would always

talk shit to the

teacher we were

in mr coons

science class

and he

first off got

kicked out one

day for just

putting car

he got bored

so he started

putting carmacks

on his shaved

head

I don't know. fuck shit to the teacher.
We were in Mr. Coons' science class.
Jeez. And he, first off, got kicked out one day for just putting, he got bored, so he started putting Carmex on his shaved head.
What? Yeah, he goes, I thought it'd be funny. And then one day, he was like a big kid.
Yeah. This was before he got sent to military school.
He's just sitting in science class and he goes, hey, Mr. Coons, we were learning about mosses, the moss and stuff.
He goes, hey, Mr. Coons, how do mosses fuck like that? And everyone was like.
He's like, get the hell out of here. Legitimate question.
Legitimate science question. He was saying that.
He goes, I'm sorry, that's a science question. That technically is a science question.
And I really, as an adult, I'm like, if you phrased it different, it's a great question. You'd have stayed in the class.
Yeah.

But that's the story of our whole lives.

Guys like us was like, man, you should have just done it a different way.

I know what you were trying to do, but that's why you think you're funny.

Could I always go the other way?

Because he kicked him out, and then he went, now, reproductive-wise.

So you're going to answer the question.

You got to ask an honest question.

You just have to get there the right way. That was the thing.
I could never do that in school. Me neither.
That's why us guys, that's why comics, we always were trying to find the tricky, funny way to do the thing, to get away with it. Because even though we knew, we were smart enough to go, I know this is going to get me in trouble, but it's going to be great.
And then I'm going to tell my parents, I just drew a dick and gave it to the health teacher. It just a dick they gave us pictures of dicks i got suspended in seventh grade because we were learning about onomatopoeias and acronyms and i was just doing like wild onomatopoeia acronyms like splat and i would like write out like a crazy shit and my teacher was like what is this it was like aliens barfing on this and i like write this like crazy ass shit and they were like we gotta suspend you you can't be writing that and then my mom was like technically you did the assignment yeah you did it yeah yeah what do you want me to do lady so can i play nintendo 64 or not are you gonna take it out of the basement or can i go downstairs and play nintendo i definitely definitely lived in the basement, by the way.
It was the only place. The Nintendo 64 couldn't get on a second floor.
It had to stay low. That's subterranean game.
It had to stay deep in a cave. That's what we did when we played.
For some reason, when we all played games like that, like when we played 007 and shit, it was always in the dark. We would always turn off all the lights for no other reason than it made me feel like we were more in it.
It just mind boggles that that's what you grew up with. I grew up with Intellivision.
Well, you're fucking 52. I know, that's what I'm saying.
It's crazy. I remember when Pong was happening.
Yeah, that was like you're in the future. I mean, yeah, Santino and I were seniors in high school when PlayStation 2 came out.
Wow. Which you were like, this fucking rules.
Tecmo Bowl was a huge thing. We liked Tecmo Bowl, but we had the advancement from your generation to ours was insane.
I mean, you guys were literally playing Tecmo Bowl, and we were playing NCAA college football, which you could then take your guy and move him to Madden. There was like a whole world you could play through EA Sports.
I had a kid in high school, in elementary school, he did it in television, and there was an RPG, but the RPG was a dot. So that was your character, right? And there were just walls, right? He goes, hey man, I'm in a dungeon right now.
I was like, holy fuck. And he goes, check this out.
And he put the dot against this line, and he hit it a couple of times he goes it's a secret room it was just another little square that's so funny i was like mind boggling is there a dragon in there you know i mean it's insane that you guys grew up with nintendo yeah i remember when i was little game boy came out and i got a i got a game boy for my birthday and my dad was trying to outdo my mom. So he's like, yeah, I bought you a bunch of games.
And I was like, let's go. But he bought me Nintendo games.
Oh, Dad. Because he thought they went into the game.
And I remember taking Mario Brothers 3 and my Game Boy going, see? And my dad's like, all right, I got it. There's got to be an adapter or something like that.
That's exactly what he said. Such a said.
Did you guys ever play that snake game on the Nokia?

Oh, my God, yeah.

All the time.

See, here's the thing.

We can go back and play all your games.

You can't go forward and play all our games.

What do you mean?

Our games are too advanced.

I grew up with them.

Oh, dude, I'm advanced.

Look at him now.

I saw your whole brain act.

I think the game that shocked me the most visually that I was so into,

Doom on PC was fucking crazy.

Dude, that one, that one.

Doom?

On PC because I was like, so immersive. The original game, Doom, was like, it was Duke Nukem, but also Spear of Destiny.
Yes. And my fucking, big dick Nick.
Big dick Nick. My stepdad was super into computers, and he was like, oh, do you want to play this game called Spear of Destiny?

And I was like, you're shooting Nazis?

Wow. And I remember him loading that up on the computer

and me being like,

am I allowed to touch this computer?

This is very advanced.

I fucking loved it.

I love that, and then I love Turok, Dinosaur Hunter.

Turok.

Turok was fucking rad.

You didn't know any of those games, did you?

I didn't know anything about it.

And then GoldenEye comes out,

and you're like, let's go.

And then Perfect Dark.

That was a great deal. Dinosaur Hunter Turok Turok was fucking rad You didn't know any of those games I didn't know anything about it And then Goldeneye comes out And you're like

Let's go

And then Perfect Dark

That was Turok

Dinosaur Hunter

Turok

Turok shit was fucking

Look at the cover

Zoom in

Look at how dope that cover is

64 was

For me the game changer

Nintendo 64

Nintendo 64 did do everything for me

Nintendo 64

Even the first Mario

You're like

That's the future

But see

Could they pitch that today

Him stabbing a dinosaur in the throat

That's that new

Adam Driver movie

Thank you. do everything for me.
Nintendo 64, even the first Mario, you're like, that's the future. But see, could they pitch that today? Him stabbing a dinosaur in the throat? That's that new Adam Driver movie.
What? 74? 65? 65. That's Turok Dinosaur Hunter.
Ariana Greenblatt's in that. Yeah, they just did that movie where they're like, what if Adam Driver fights dinosaurs? That's sick.
By the way, I just saw a preview for a movie that's going to come out about GameStop, the GameStop Bitcoin thing. I heard Paul Dano's in it.
Yeah. He's the star.
I heard it fucking rips. I mean, it looks amazing.
I saw the preview. One of my friends saw a screening of it and said it fucking rips.
It's about the GameStop. You know, they were fucking...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's Paul Dano, Seth Rogen, Pete pete davidson and and uh sebastian stan yeah yeah dude the trailer i was like holy fuck and dano he's so he's the best he's so like uh small and so good at small stuff he's the he is our like uh philip seymour hoffman he's like oh that's a really good call he just he just can do everything he can be the the Riddler.
He can be a dickwad in this. And Pete is...

Pete! Really good call. He just can do everything.
He can be the Riddler. He can be a dickwad in this.
And Pete is... Pete.
Pete. He's doing Pete.
Pete does Pete perfectly. Pete does Pete the best.
Pete does Pete. No one's doing Pete better than Pete.
Yeah. Pete's Pete and right there he's Pete.
I always love when you see Pete in movies because you go, yeah, he just wore that there. Yeah.
He's like, oh, no, I don't feel like changing. I don't know how these kicks are pretty sick.
Do you want me to change them? I can just put them on a gun. It is true, though.
He's gotten away with that. Just being him the most, that's gotten him the furthest.
Honestly, for a lot of us, it's a good lesson. Just be yourself more.
Yeah, why change? But also, I was explaining that to my little sister about how she's like, she's saying, oh, so-and-so. It wasn't in reference to him, but it was like, oh, that guy always does that whenever I see him.
And it's like, yeah, that's because they do the best at that thing. Why would they shift? I saw that Ricky Gervais said that years ago when he was like really blown up after The Office and all this shit.
And he was like getting all those movies and stuff. He was like, sometimes I see people and he's like, people criticize me.
They say, you do the same thing. He goes, but sometimes I prefer someone that does the same thing incredibly versus a lot of things okay.
He's like, so I'm doing one thing, but I do it the best. Yeah, so Jack of all trades, master, and none.
You might as well just do the thing that you're the fucking thing. When I see Danny McBride, I want to see him Danny McBride.
100%. Well, that's why Will Ferrell has always been Will Ferrell.
Whether you like it or not, he stayed Will for 25 fucking years. He made George Bush lovable.
Yeah, dude. You, like, saw George W.
Bush, and you're like, well, in my mind, it's the Will Ferrell version. Same thing growing up in Chicago.
Harry Carey, like we knew Harry Carey as kids,

but when Will Ferrell did it, it was like I almost remember Will Ferrell

more than I remember Harry Carey.

Yeah, you remember that impression of him.

Who I think one time flirted with my mom.

Harry Carey did?

Yeah.

At a bar, yeah, flirted with my mom.

And I think I might be Harry's boy.

I could give your boy

a baseball,

but it's going to cost you.

Your mom's like, oh, I understand.

What's up with the little redhead?

Oh!

Oh!

Hey, okie-dokie.

Alright.

Okay, here's the deal. I'm being real.
I know. When I first met you, the first time that you were even in my visual range was maybe a couple years ago.
Which is only about a foot or two. It's only two or three feet.
Yeah. And I go, I had heard your name

but I couldn't put a face to the name

and then you were like, I'm Dan

Soder in the hallway there at the store

and I go, oh, okie

dokie. Every time

I think about it, I say okie dokie and then

and then years

and then all of a sudden there's algorithms and stuff

and then you would pop up on my thing and then

but then I hadn't seen you until you came to my house. Yeah.
Right? And I didn't know how it was going to go. Yeah.
It went excellent. It was very fun.
It was so excellent. And you and I have a good chemistry.
Great. And I think we respect each other.
Absolutely. But I think that in my mind and in my heart, what's so funny? Nothing.
Why are you laughing? I'm being real.

You're funny.

In my mind and my heart, I believe that you're a part of my regime.

You're a part of my company.

You're a part of my, what?

Your troop.

I like that.

Yeah.

And you're always going to be in my heart.

Can I tell you something?

Go ahead.

Always, obviously known of you.

Watch you on MADtv. Thank you.
I was there when you hosted my first episode of Live at Gotham. Was the episode before yours.
Don't remember. In New York in 09.
Yeah. So I'd always been around you, but never really met you.
Yeah. You didn't meet me that night? No.
Because I didn't do well, and I wanted to go get drunk. Oh, I see.
Okay. Those were tough.
Yeah. It sucked.
I hated watching them. It made me anxious.
Yeah. But now, when I got to go do Tiger Belly, because I had met you in the store, and I met you briefly at a festival, but we never really got to hang out.
Doing, going over to your house and hanging out with you, then getting lunch, I was like, man, not only do I get why everybody loves this guy, but I fucking love this dude. I'll go to war for Bobby Lee.
Thank you. I was like, dude, that guy fucking rules.
If you talk to anybody that I talk to after, I went to Bert's house right after that, I was like, Bobby Lee's the fucking man. We just had a great lunch.
He said He agreed He agreed But I'm telling you

And I've loved this fucking

Ginger Snap

Love this fucking guy

He's in my heart too dude

This Ginger Snap and I

Are the same age

And we just fucking

You know

And this

This right here

Is the best

It's the fucking best

It's the future

And the past

It's the present

I love it

It's all three

You're dead to me

It's a goddamn legacy Bobby

I love you though

Thank you for being A bad friend I love it. Well, I gotta tell you.
It's all three. You're dead to me.
It's a goddamn legacy, Bobby. I love you, though, Borg.

Thank you for being a bad friend. Be a bad friend.
Yeah. Woo.