Bussin' Boys Bully Bobbo
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1:47 Bobby Kisses Will Compton & Taylor Lewan
5:30 Bobby's Passion for Sports
16:00 Being Zest with the Boys
23:56 Will & Taylor's Improv Games
33:01 Bobby's Wing Man
41:02 ET Phone Home
45:40 Bobby Tests Will & Taylor's Friendship
56:52 The Bussin' with the Boys Snitch
59:52 Two Trues and a Lie
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Transcript
Hey everybody, we have a Patreon and let me say something, okay?
Give it to them.
Nothing changes.
Yeah.
You're going to get the episodes when you get them like normal.
Just like normal.
If you're a bad friends fan, a super fan, and you like deep cuts and you like extra stuff,
you're going to get it.
You're going to get lovely things.
That's right.
So let me tell you something.
There's two tiers to this.
Both people are going to get great stuff.
You're going to get behind the scenes footage.
And if you want, we might sneak in some tour footage that we had documented
like this.
Both of us being judges is funny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Both of us being lawyers.
She should be the only one with one of these.
It's a first night out, dude.
There's much more to come.
Yeah!
So, Bob,
nothing has changed for all of the Bad Friends fans out there, but if you want a little extra and you want to see the episodes on Friday instead of Monday without ads, join the Patreon.
You could go to high school, right?
But you could also be a cool kid.
You could be a cool kid.
Right, and I want to be a cool kid.
You do.
So, if you want to be just a guy going to to high school, that's fine.
That's cool, too.
Yeah, that's cool too.
Yeah, yeah.
But I, you know, I got the leather jacket, cigarette.
You do?
Yeah, and I'm the guy leaning against the wall going, hey, baby, what's up?
I'm a cool kid.
Why don't you click on it?
Yeah.
Go to patreon.com slash bad friends.
Patreon.com slash bad friends.
I honestly love you guys so much, and I'm being real.
And I feel like I was being a bully this episode.
What are you talking about?
I was being really bullied, too.
Well, then do you want to make up for it?
Give him a kiss on the mouth, both of them.
Okay.
Give him a kiss.
If you want to feel good about the boys, give the boys a kiss.
Nobody's going to think you're a bully now, pal.
Get in there for that one.
He enjoyed it.
You see that?
I'm sorry.
Do you feel better now?
My lips were a little bit open, and then when you hit them together, the saliva closed my lips.
I was puckered up, too.
Yeah.
And honestly,
there could have been a spark.
A little zest, a little zest.
That was zest.
You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?
A white dude and an Asian dude.
You two are disgusting.
We're bad friends.
Introduce our guest, Bob.
All right, I'll try, man.
Yeah.
Busting, man.
You like busting?
You like bus boys?
I love restaurants.
You know, you know, people, you know what, the waitresses and waiters, they get all the credit.
And the manager.
Servers and servettes.
Exactly.
Right?
But what the people, the dishwashers and the bus boys, they didn't get nothing.
Just let me get there.
Dishwasher, busboys.
Let me get there.
And these guys are the bussin' boys.
And let me say something.
We've got right here, dude.
His name is Will.
Will what?
What's his name?
I don't know.
Come on.
Will Arnett.
It's a city in Southern California here.
I'll take that.
Where is
Fontana?
No, no, no.
Slow down.
South Central Los Angeles.
Compton.
Where is it?
Will Englewood.
Yes, Will Englewood.
William Englewood.
We got Will Englewood.
Taylor.
And Taylor Hawthorne.
Hawthorne?
No.
Swift.
Just naming cities.
All right.
Taylor is a city.
It's another city in Southern California.
Anyway, we got Taylor.
Well, it's not fair because I've never met him before.
Will Compton and Taylor San Pedro.
Ah, where the bell is.
Ah, I saw, I saw.
Lewin.
Yeah.
Lewin.
What are your last name?
I'm sorry.
Lewin.
Compton.
Hey, fuck it, man.
Hey, dude.
Sorry.
Scott's down,
yeah.
No, no, no.
It's good.
The Hawaiian shirt is good.
I'll go back.
Me, we're colorful.
You guys look like we usually look, and then we were trying to look like busting.
Oh,
special guests.
We're like, let's be festive.
We got excited.
You guys look great.
You look great.
So we heard that we couldn't coordinate this with you guys because you guys were at camp.
Did you boys go to camp?
We went to some summer camp.
What happened at camp?
You know, we hung out with some boys.
What else do you do at camp, dude?
Hang out with a couple of boys, relax.
Did a little podcast with just, you know, grab everybody.
Hey, how you feeling?
You healthy?
You healthy out there?
Size them up a little bit.
They were at camp.
Do you know where they were?
Why?
Dissemed.
Yeah, right.
Big Bear?
Big Bear.
Mammoth.
They were at Mammoth.
Mammoth.
Yeah.
What were you doing out there, dude?
Our parents were away, and so we went there for a three-night stay, and we just finished.
We're back in town, baby.
When mom and dad are over here.
We're happy to be here.
The business is a little bit more.
And boys will play.
Yeah.
You guys are at the Chargers camp today?
Chargers yesterday, Raiders today.
Yeah.
Raiders, dog.
But they're in Los Angeles.
They're in fucking Vegas.
Hey, that's really good.
Is that good?
That's a fucking really good.
Fucking Raiders dog.
What about me, dog?
I fucking eat some chicharrones.
Chicha Rones.
Hey, my dog.
What about me, dog?
That's all.
It's me, it's a little homie.
So wait a minute.
What?
The Raiders Raiders are out here for a camp?
Yeah, the Raiders are practicing against the Chargers.
Why do they do it?
Oh, right, right, right.
No, no, the Raiders are practicing against the Rams.
Yep.
And we were at the Chargers.
They did their thing.
We went to see the Rams.
They were going against the Saints.
Beautiful minds right now.
Nothing's adding up.
Anyways, they were at football.
You don't watch football?
You don't have big football?
He's a big guy.
He's a football guy.
You're not as much a football guy.
Oh, fuck yeah, dude.
He actually is a football guy.
T.O., dude.
Football
on a global scale.
Bobby, what is your soccer?
What's your fucking deal?
What's your do you have a sport I have many deals what's your
what's your area of life what are you into it's me little homie yeah
well actually
you know all the little homies we're based off yeah no uh what's up what do you mean like what are you into buddy this is you and I'm a sports person dude I'm a jock dude so um you know I'm into like fucking I'm into like soccer and stuff stop looking at them
I was very are you shocked your favorite soccer
whoa whoa what's up Will hold on okay I'm gonna tell you something I'm feeling about myself dude wow I know Ron Gronkowski.
Rob Gronkowski?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, he thinks his name is Rom Gronkowski.
Rob Gronkowski.
I know Serena and Jesus Williams.
I know.
But
I play soccer.
I watch soccer.
Slow down.
It's okay.
Listen, when I have alpha mills.
You're doing it again.
I know.
When there's alpha mills in the room, dude, dude, when there's alpha, I feel like a trip.
I feel like a trip.
When you're graduating, dude, he gets so nervous.
I'm a predator.
Yeah, you guys get a predator during me.
You're okay, buddy.
So, anyway, I'm surviving, dude.
Fight and fight.
Do you want to go get a fancy film?
Yeah,
I want to ask a genuine question.
Go ahead, dude.
Were you fired up when Messi came over to Miami?
Oh, no.
To the MLS.
Well, I mean, you know,
I wasn't a Real Madrid.
I mean, a Barcelona fan.
I wasn't a PSG fan because those were the teams.
And I'm not an Argentina fan, but I think he's a great player.
But no, so I wasn't not.
Now, if you were going to say that, like, because I'm an Arsenal FC fan, if you said that Bukayo Saka was going to LA Galaxy, I'd be excited.
Yeah, but you're going to like the MLS.
Yeah, but if one of my Arsenal dudes came to America, then I'd be a fan.
Yeah, but what would you do?
You wouldn't go to a game.
He might.
He might.
He didn't make him a jersey.
First of all, dude, Arsenal was here and played here.
He didn't even go to that game.
His favorite team was
from London.
Can I tell you why?
Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Hell yeah.
Gentlemen.
Because you said you gave me a ticket.
I did get you a ticket.
No, you didn't.
But I gave it to someone else.
I did.
You're a fucker.
You go,
you made it.
I'm going to get box seats.
We did.
Yeah.
You red, red carpet the whole thing.
I loved nothing.
You never called me nothing.
Well, I would just be.
Somebody more important came along.
Who was it?
Yeah, who was it?
Ken Jong.
Okay.
That was funny, well.
I'm an easy crowd.
I'm an easy crowd.
He's a hardcore
soccer football fan.
I am a football fan, but I wouldn't say that's my.
That's not your bag.
No, no, no, it is.
I just think that's not my number one.
I'm a baseball basketball guy.
Really?
I can get behind basketball, but baseball, bro.
Love baseball.
You got to put steroids back in it.
Baseball, you got to fucking
baseball is the greatest.
No question.
Live sport to go to that you don't have to be at.
It's the best.
The best live sport you can go to to not be at.
The best live sport you can go to, and you don't have to be at.
at.
You can just exist.
You catch a couple innings, you go get drunk, you can mill about.
You don't need to physically zoom in, you can just kind of go as you please.
You don't need to pay attention the whole time.
It's so fucking long.
You just take your time at a football game, at a basketball, I have to watch everything all the time.
It's because baseball is not as fun of a sport.
No, no,
no, you're looking at it wrong.
It's more goofballness going on.
You just go do other shit.
It's more of a thing that's happening while you're there.
I feel like if that was the intention of other baseball games, they would put some music.
They sucks.
They do.
At the park.
They do.
What do they do?
There's a pool.
There's a pool in Arizona.
Dodgers games.
There's stabbings out in center field all the time.
You can get to a knife fight in the middle of a Dodgers game.
Nothing like a little read and react.
Wayne, why does it, in football, you take breaks, bro?
Yeah.
Keep it going.
Yeah, just keep it going.
They stop at commercial.
And then they're huddling.
What are you talking about?
Just fucking what to do next, brother.
Oh, yeah, bro.
I'm fucking into it.
Yeah, yeah.
Formations?
Formations,
Keep going, dude.
What should happen in the world?
Soccer, they just jog around the whole time.
Oh, balls.
They jog around the bar.
They just jog around the whole time.
Okay.
They jog around.
He's just jogging around.
The ball's in front of you.
Let's try to kick it.
I tell that to Cristiano Ronaldo.
I tell it to him.
I mean, I would if he was.
How many calories does a soccer player burn in the course of a game on average?
More than fucking football.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
No, he cared about it.
I don't tell you that right now.
Catch a pracky in the fall, brother.
Average person burns 500, 700 calories per hour in a recreational soccer game, 750, 950 calories per hour in a competitive one.
So it's how long is the game?
90 minutes.
90 minutes.
Yeah, but it's always overage.
So let's just say.
It's 93 minutes.
No, it's more than that.
Is it?
What's the other one?
The average soccer game is like over 100 minutes.
A game of catch.
175 is more than 100.
This is football.
What's more soccer or football?
So soccer is, huh?
No.
Yeah, there we go.
Football.
Who's jogging?
Nothing like two podcasts coming together in high-end mutual food.
This is outstanding.
Isn't that a ceiling excess?
You know what, guys?
We're being too competitive.
This is yours.
I don't like it.
I don't like it because you came in with the alpha.
You got nervous.
I got nervous.
Bobby, I literally.
I want to reset.
I want to reset.
Bobby, I literally walked in.
I shook your hand.
You go, this is your words.
You go, oh, my God, what is that?
In my eyes.
And I shook your hand.
And I literally said, been a big fan my whole life.
And that is true.
When you two went on the bus, I was literally like, fuck.
Yeah, where were you?
I was hated having to tell him that y'all were coming on top.
Another camp, I'm sure.
Yeah, I had to be another camp or something.
But, dude, fucking Comedy Central, Mad TV was my shit growing up.
Okay, okay, and fucking you being out there doing your best, doing the thing.
I fucking loved it.
I thought you were actually so losing.
Take off a button.
I'll let you know you're in this guy.
What's up, dude?
Let's go.
Fuck, man.
Hey, man.
And then, Andrew.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, all right, all right, man.
Take your clothes off.
Yeah.
I need a guy.
Hell yeah, guy.
Oh, guy.
That's good, Eddie.
I love it.
You never did that, Will, huh?
Did you?
I tried to right after you got done.
I was like, can I bring you something and take it however you want?
When I picked you up,
I expected you to weigh way more than you actually did.
I was expecting.
You wish that a compliment.
Hold on,
it didn't feel good, but I was expecting to lift and go
in my back area.
And I didn't have to do that at all.
Nope.
Yeah, because the outer, I'm hollow.
Right?
But I just got a lot of skin.
Got a lot of skin.
It's on all here.
You're like a fucking puppy bulldog.
Yeah, dude.
He's like a squash that's been scooped out.
Muscle weighs more than sat.
He's so funny.
You see what I'm saying?
Scooped out squash.
So let's say this.
Can I say something real fast?
I saw a clip that went online about someone chirping at you recently just got circled around again.
And you were teasing someone.
It was all over Twitter.
Josh Norman?
Had to be the arrow?
Was it Story Norman?
Yeah, the Arrow.
Yeah.
Why did it get circled around the internet again for some reason?
I don't know.
People were texting me and they're like, man, did you see this?
I was like, it's like five years ago.
Watch him.
Watch him.
You're going to like this.
Even if you don't give a fuck about football.
No, I'm going to love it.
I feel like there should be a little backstory on this before we show Bobby.
So, Bobby, there's this cornerback.
His name's Josh Norman.
It's right there.
I see it.
Third video down there.
That's it.
Let me know.
Josh Norman.
One of Josh Norman's.
Please pause for a second.
So that's Josh Norman.
One of his celebrations, he pulls out the arrow and he shoots a figurative arrow into the sky.
It's a badass.
It is a badass.
Like Robin Hood or Legolas?
Like one of the reds of Robin Hood.
Which one?
Robin Hood or Legolas?
I don't know who Legolas is.
I don't know who.
Honestly, when you say, Lord of the Rings.
I felt uncomfortable saying that I don't know if I was allowed to say that.
I know.
But was it like Robin Hood or Legolas?
Oh, I think it was.
Get ahead.
It's Robin Hood.
It's Robin Hood.
It's Robin Hood.
Okay.
Will played with him.
So Robin Hood.
Yeah, he literally statues and stuff.
We were playing these guys like December 23rd, like right before Christmas.
And we were in four minutes.
I'll explain to you a four-minute.
Four minutes at the end of the game.
We're up.
We need to run out the clock to win the game.
I know.
It's so condescending.
But there's a lot of people that are listening.
Hey, that's so bad.
That's your baggage.
Get to the good parts.
Okay, so.
Cut the fact.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we run a play, and Josh grabs Derrick Henry, our running back, and Gator rolls him.
And I didn't fucking like that.
So after the game, he's sulking on the sideline.
Why, why, why, why, why, why don't you like Gator?
Gator rolls.
Oh, so that's not condescending.
I was going to explain that too, but it seemed like there was a lot of fun on that.
I like the fact.
An alligator ate this guy's mom when he was a child in front of him.
He doesn't like Gator rolls.
I really appreciate it.
Ripped his mother to shreds.
You don't know about this?
It was in the fucking news.
Oh, shit.
Dude, that's sympathy.
She's been out for a while, man.
It really has.
You know, my mom died from a seal roll.
Your mom's still alive.
I know.
She's eating a seal right now.
Go ahead.
Strong.
Yeah.
So, anyway, so I go up to Josh after the game, and he's soaking on the sideline.
I hate Josh.
And he looks over at me, and I fucking give him his own celebration to his face.
I said, get the fuck out of my stadium.
And this is essentially what happened.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
So he fronts on him.
Look at this.
Barely missing him.
Throws his helmet at you.
Boop.
And you don't even move.
Take the noise out, buddy.
You know what's incredible about this?
A couple bumps.
Shut up, Ben Jones, coming in there, too.
Ben Jones, break it up.
Wait, back it up real fast.
The best part about this is
he throws his body against you.
Doesn't even move.
Look at this.
Look at how hard he pushes him.
It doesn't do shit.
Where'd the helmet hit?
It's like Gary Coleman attacking Hulk Hogan.
Right?
I mean, it's like, what a guy, huh?
I'll tell you what, Gary Coleman.
But Will played with this Josh guy, and he said, Josh is fucking awesome.
Yeah, I love Josh.
Let me ask you, why did you antagonize him, though?
That's what I am.
I'm an Inskitter.
I'm a Nat.
I like the.
If he was white, would you have done it?
No.
I'm just kidding.
I'm just kidding.
And you didn't like that one, huh?
I got to tell you something.
I won't stand on this show.
I'm so sorry.
That's the crutch of this entire show.
I said it.
I got kind of uncomfortable to see Andrew like that.
He's a country boy.
Everything I've heard about Josh is a very broad individual.
Will.
Very sweet.
Zest.
Zest?
No, I'm just kidding.
That ain't.
Well, not that I know what.
What is Zest, maybe?
You know, Lil Zest.
Lil.
No, I don't know the terminology.
Lil' Zest.
Say it out loud, Will.
What's zest?
What is zest?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like, if you and I are at a club.
A couple of boo-boos.
We're at a club, you and I.
Okay, and we look at each other.
It's the 80s.
Late 80s.
A little bit of squeeze.
Dun, dun, dun.
Right?
I'm at the bar.
These guys.
I know, they don't get it.
They're millennials.
What?
Not 80s?
They're teasing us.
No, they're probably born in fucking the year 2000.
No, and they don't.
He's dumber.
How old are you?
I'm 40.
He's using terminology.
Hey, Taylor.
First off, congratulations on the way you've aged.
Not a lot of gingers can say that at 40, you look at the best.
You're going to flirt with me right now, Live Real.
I'm just saying, brother.
I'll fucking kiss that
right off your fucking face.
Mid-30s at the most.
Oh, boy.
I'm 92.
That's out.
Actually, Bobby died twice.
The Asian community does a fantastic job of aging.
Everybody.
Tell the soy.
Everyone that comes up to us live at the show always goes, man, you look good for your age.
They all say that.
How old are are you legitimately he's 52 you're 52 years old well 50 51 51 51 yeah and you know what
i fuck like a fucking sewing machine no right dude
and i fuck everybody up here you know
you're gonna try to fight everybody here sounds like he's gonna fuck us all sounds like this has become a hardest topic
yeah
what are you talking about these guys covered around you not just these guys but just in general man yeah just
say that i got you think you're the tough guy that owns this town i think so dude dude.
I think I'm good.
I'm the captain of it.
I'm the sheriff in town.
Which one, captain or sheriff?
Both, dude.
I have two badges on my fucking outfit, dude.
Wow.
You make the call.
Yeah, you come around my town with that energy, dude.
I'll fucking get you.
What's the word he just chill?
What's it?
You got to put it on your own, but what's your ass?
I'll zest your asshole.
Are we zested?
Is he zest?
My zest is what I'm asking, man.
That sounds a little zesty.
That sounds a little zesty.
Yeah, dude.
My energy is a little weird today.
I had a weird day.
Why?
What happened?
Do you know why?
Fuck you, dude.
Well, I had something personal happen today that I can't talk about that was so devastating.
I had such a devastating day today, so I cannot talk about it.
But I'm going to say that I've had a bad day, and you guys came, and you guys are really making my spirits so good right now.
And I'm so glad you guys are in my life right now.
And I'm thank you so much for being here, dude.
And let me tell you something, Taylor.
I've never seen you on YouTube or nothing before, bro.
But let me say something.
That hurt a little bit.
I know, but can I say this, though?
Yeah.
As soon as I met you, I get it.
Dog.
You have a future.
Wow.
She's living it right now.
Yeah, and it's amazing, dude.
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DoorDash!
You know what, guys?
Right now, I'm going to say something, okay?
I'm going to say something right now.
I'm going to say something right now.
All right, so DoorDash is, I'm going to prove to you right now, DoorDash is the number one food app delivery service I use, right?
Just today, just today, order, right?
Look at my order, right?
Today, I went to Sunlife Organics and I got a Wolverine shake.
Oh, you love Wolverine.
I love shake.
Because Because I'm Wolverine.
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You can get glue.
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Pencils, backpack.
paper.
Those little animals that you put in the tub and they start small, but they
get really big.
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Terms apply.
Morgan and Morgan.
Oh, my God.
I'm in a car accident.
What do I do?
What do I do?
I'm Morgan and Morgan because I need help with it.
I know it's Morgan and Morgan.
It's easier to contest us than doing almost anything else.
By the way, Morgan and Morgan, what do we got to say about these guys that we haven't said?
They're America's largest injury law firm.
That's right.
They have over 100 offices nationwide and more than 800 lawyers, bro.
That's so many people to say.
So
we've all been in accidents.
I mean, unfortunately, Bobby and I have both been in car accidents.
Thankfully, they weren't that bad.
And what happens when you get in one?
You don't know if they have insurance, you don't know who to turn to.
You call me and go, bro, bro, bro, what do I do?
And I said to you, Call Morgan and Morgan.
If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan.
Their fee is free unless they win.
Wait a minute, wait a minute.
They don't take any money?
No!
Unless they win, they don't take any money.
For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash bad friends or dial pound law pound529 from your cell phone.
That's for the people.
F-O-R thepeople.com slash bad friends or pound law pound five two nine from your cell.
This is a paid advertisement for Morgan and Morgan.
Do you see Will's future?
Oh, yeah, dude.
Do you see it?
Oh, I see.
He's at the same house.
Is he?
But he's wearing some weird butler uniform.
Oh, right.
He's wearing a butler uniform, right?
And he's just always smiling.
And also on his lips, you can see poo
because he's kissing ass so much.
Oh, right.
Wow.
And you're, though, the captain.
You're the guy.
He's...
I don't know.
He's just kind of like...
Hello, sir.
Is it just these two men, or do you see women inside the house at all?
No women.
No women.
Good.
No women.
No women inside the home.
It's so weird, my vision.
No women.
Okay, so late at night, can you see into late at night when there's just the two men in the house?
What's going on?
There's a double king.
He invented it.
A bed?
A double king bed?
Yeah, a triple king.
Triple king bed.
I just, it saw a triple king bed, gigantic bad dude.
I get it.
Right?
Two guys, I feel.
Is it just two guys who are in there?
Yeah, two guys.
Just making the bed?
What are they doing?
Are they cleaning up in the room?
Yeah, because something happened.
What happened?
Moisture.
Moisture.
There were things that went all over the sheets.
Condensation, maybe?
There you go.
Blood, come.
Okay.
Pause.
Okay.
No?
I don't know.
This is your vision.
I don't.
I see yellow, red, and white moisture.
Yellow.
What's the yellow from?
Wait a minute, time out.
Yeah.
Yellow, red, and white.
Is it me and you are at their house?
Oh, no.
We're there.
Oh, my God.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
That's just us at his house.
We're like this.
You know what?
I don't think this is my house.
I think this is your house.
Calls are coming from inside the house.
Two lines.
This is your house.
It's a painting of you two.
You don't even live there.
We're not even there.
That's you and I.
Holy shit, dude.
Wow.
I see your future.
Oh, tell me.
Do you want me to tell you about your future?
Wait, hold on.
Yeah.
Why do you have to take your hat off?
Because I want to make my hair nice.
Oh, for for your future.
For my future.
Oh, please.
Give him his future.
We're in
Southeast Asia.
I'm seeing Southeast Asia right now.
And they just go down, and there seems like buildings and buildings, and they go straight up in the air.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Wait, is it nighttime, daytime?
No, it's dusk.
It's dusk right now.
And there's two gentlemen, three gentlemen,
and they walk into a restaurant.
Three whites.
Three whites.
To catch some Asian food, and you're there.
You are working for the restaurant.
What's the what's the restaurant called?
Yeah, what's it called?
What kind of food is it?
I can't pronounce it.
I can't pronounce it.
I don't have that jurisdiction.
I don't
easy.
I can't say that.
I can't do that.
Bung bong gay is still there.
Great.
Is it it's franchise hardy zone?
No, it's not a buffet.
Is it a Chinese buffet?
It's very affordable, though.
No, it's extremely affordable.
It's French.
It's dollar sushi?
It's not French.
Is that French?
No,
yeah.
There's little pieces of wood, sticks, at every single table.
Is it bamboo?
No.
Drumsticks.
Oh, drumsticks.
Yeah, everybody plays the drums while they're.
Oh, yeah.
Boom, boom.
Boom, boom, guy.
Bum boom guy.
Boom boom guy.
What's my future?
Can you see my future?
I can't.
That's for Will.
Will Will can see you?
Will do you see my future?
Will know you better than I do.
Close your eyes and see my future right now.
Close them.
What do you see?
There we go, Will.
I see a bright sun.
Uh-oh.
Your eyes are open then?
Close your eyes.
Yeah, close your eyes.
You're looking right at me.
I see you
outside.
First of all, the sun and outside, two things that are really testamental to my future.
I see Bobby.
He's yelling at you.
Yeah, that sounds right.
Get in the shade.
Get in the shade.
Get in the shade.
Get in the shade.
Get in the shade.
Get in the shade.
There's an
island.
No, there's not an island.
There's not an island.
Is it tropical?
What's the scene?
Where are we?
Yeah, yeah.
A cave.
No, we're outside.
Okay.
The sun.
Just generally.
Get in the shade.
Whatever you do.
Because there's the sunlight and we're outside.
Who's all there?
Just him and Bobby?
No, I see you as well.
You're running a stand.
You're running a stand.
Our friendship's gone a long way.
Well, you're running a stand?
Yeah, I'm on a stand.
I'm running or I have a stand.
It's a food stand?
Yeah, it says like sun bum.
Sun bum sandwiches.
Suntan lotion.
Oh, sun bum.
Okay.
Is that it?
That's it.
That's all I saw.
Man, your improv work?
Not good.
No, it's great.
I got to tell you, your visions are nothing.
Could I take improv class from you?
Yeah, I'll fucking move.
We'll start getting after it.
I would love to do an improv with you right now, dude.
All right?
We're on stage.
Where are we at?
Where are we at?
Here we go.
Here we go, right?
Okay.
Hey, honey.
What's a cat?
What are we going to do?
What am I going to do?
Give me care.
Your show's over, you guys.
Thank you so much.
No, hold on.
Everyone's already gone.
You're on two rules.
I feel like you don't know the rules.
You never always agree.
Do you know what that means?
You lucky taught me that.
You said something I thought always agree.
Never disagree.
Always agree.
Okay.
And also, add information.
Always add information.
Do you understand what that means?
Yeah,
add information.
Add value.
So here we go.
Hey, honey, how was it work?
Sweetheart, it was great.
I had a great day today.
Did you get it?
The job?
Yeah, the job, and also the thing that I told you to bring home.
Sweetheart,
I couldn't remember what you told me to bring home.
See, that's disagreeing.
Yeah, that's disagreeing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eric, go to Taylor.
Go to Taylor.
All right.
Yeah, go try.
Yeah, yeah, let me.
I want to see this happen.
I feel like that seemed really difficult.
I feel like that seemed tough.
You're going to do it.
Ready?
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, sweetie.
Welcome back home, Taylor.
How was your day?
Well, how do I look?
How do I look?
Not the best day, obviously, but here I am.
Well, you look fine.
What do you mean?
What's wrong with you?
It was a tough day at the office.
You know Bill.
You know how he can be sometimes, and he was riding my fucking ass the entire day, to be honest with you.
I love to get that TV dinner that you have to cook all the time and just sit down and watch the news.
I'm tired of you being so abusive.
I've been fucking your brother.
Excuse me?
I've been fucking your brother.
You want to know something?
Yeah.
I don't care.
I've been fucking your sister.
So how's that?
You're fucking my dead sister.
Your dead sister.
You've dug up my sister and you're fucking her.
Honey.
Pig.
You know what I like in the bedroom.
Why do you think I always like to you like you asked me to dead fish?
You sit there and dead fish all the time.
You think I'm not into that kind of stuff?
That's me.
My brother, I've seen his piece.
And you're it's smaller.
Why, in God's name, would you want to be with this guy?
Right, this is what I'm saying.
What is it?
Because it's different?
Because it's different?
We look the same.
We're just saying.
You do look the same.
And he is a little bit smaller.
But.
Don't say it.
Don't say it.
He's smarter than you.
Don't.
You know how I feel
about my mental state.
My cognitive state.
What do we call you?
Behind your back, we call you Stoopy Poopy.
Did you call me Stoopy Poopy?
We say he's Stoopy Poopy.
That's funny.
He must have told you that.
That's from high school.
Who's this man you brought?
This guy right here?
Who are you?
Yeah.
Have you ever heard of the train sweetie?
Who are you?
You know,
you gotta do.
You can't peel.
You can't peel.
Oh, my God.
Will, you know the rules.
You know the rules.
If you can't improv, you have to take your pants off.
That's the whole rule around here, buddy.
It seems like I got to take them off.
You want the pants to come off?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you got to be pantsless on.
Wait, shit.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It'll be like I didn't hit it past the women's tee.
I'll just go down to the ankles.
Hey, God bless.
But, bro, hey, Taylor?
Taylor, sir.
Great job.
Bro, hey, instead of the bad bad bad.
You guys got it in spades, man.
Real good.
Wow.
I don't know if that's actually.
How much did the bus cost?
10 grand.
2,000.
That was the money we put it.
Sorry, yeah.
Wait a minute.
You bought a school bus for $2,000.
$2,000.
And then we put eight into it, so technically it was also correct.
Wait, you put eight grand in into outfitting it with everything.
But two grand.
Where did you find a $2,000 bus?
Just in a back gravel parking lot.
God, fucking Tennessee, huh?
Tennessee.
You got to love it.
You know, when I went there.
You guys should move there.
No.
Why?
He's liberal.
No, I'll go down the list.
He's liberal.
That's so funny.
You're wrong about that.
You're wrong about that.
What do you mean?
Tell me why.
What?
Am I not a liberal?
I would say you're in the middle.
I am definitely a centrist, yeah.
Yeah, I'm a centrist as well.
Yeah.
We're definitely a centrist.
We're centrists.
You guys are smart using a word like that around here.
That's pretty wild.
What's a centrist?
What's the core root of that word?
Yeah.
Send.
Hey, don't fucking talk to my guy like that.
Hey, that was condescending as fuck, but I learned something.
But he learned something.
And it's all about just saying.
Having moderate political views or policies.
I feel like I'm a little bit of a centrist.
I'm somebody who.
Would you guys say you're centrists?
No.
Absolutely.
Yeah, 100%.
Right.
100%.
Right down the gut.
Right, right-center thought.
Let's be real.
Right, right, center.
Will ask a
political view.
Just a basic one.
He'll tell you exactly how he feels.
The Mexicans.
Build it.
And they will come.
Build it and they will come.
See, that was the miscommunication.
Yeah, there we go.
They were like the people.
I'm all about the Hispanics, dude.
Me too, dude.
They fucking grind.
Do you ever see a homeless Mexican?
Yeah.
No.
I have actually.
I'm 34%.
Do you?
Are you really?
Jalisco, Mexico.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Will, what are you?
What percent of white are you?
100%.
God bless you.
100% white.
Greatest country.
Dutch, European, German, all of it.
All of them.
European, German.
Mostly German.
Mostly German.
Wait, timeout.
Why wouldn't we move to Nashville?
I'll tell you.
We don't have any family or anybody over there.
We would know you guys.
That's a good time.
That's all you need.
Yeah, we would know just you guys.
Theo barely lives there, so we wouldn't see him.
He's never fucking there.
You guys don't see him.
Court McCollan.
Court McCowan just moved there, and Bargatzi has a family.
So who are we going to see besides you?
We can't bug you guys every day.
Hey, guys, let's hang.
Hey, guys, you'll get over it.
I feel like if I move out there, you'd be pretty good.
You guys would ghost me.
Yeah, you'd ghost me.
I sell my house and go out there.
I call you guys.
Hey, I'm out here.
Nothing.
Yeah, what do you got?
Yeah.
I think we would have a great time hanging out together.
I know, but look at this.
It's the eighth day in a row.
We're calling you.
Hey, I swear Taylor wants people around him at all times.
Okay.
I mean, it's a hard way for me to get around that, but for the sake of this argument, I will 100% agree with you.
You're going to say, yes, that's true.
You wouldn't disagree with that?
Yeah, but I feel like I didn't like the way you make me sound needy.
I didn't like the way you said that.
I did sound needy.
I don't mind that sound.
I don't mind being solo.
I don't mind, but I do enjoy people at the house.
You enjoy people at the house, people being around.
Hey, where's Bobby at?
You know where he's at.
He's upstairs in the fucking area.
Can we go live with him?
How many bedrooms do you have at your house?
You could for sure live with Taylor.
A few.
I got a couple.
I got four, I think.
Dude.
But how about this?
No nicknames.
No.
I feel like you're going to give me a nickname.
You've got to have a nickname.
Yeah.
Hey, come on, chopstick.
Nah, no, no, no.
Odd job.
No, don't say odd job you're at.
Hey, GoldenEye.
That's a good poll.
Did you play Golden Eye on N64?
It's a fun game.
Dude, the best.
N64 is the best console.
Give me a nickname.
Ooh, big.
That's tough.
What would you call me out there?
Man.
Yeah?
I feel like a nickname it has to be kind of in the moment when something happens.
Oh, I see.
That is true.
You know what I mean?
All right.
It can happen any time.
PF Chan, for example.
Oh, okay.
Fancy.
What was it?
PF Chang.
How did you say it?
How did you say it?
PF Gang.
He's from Spain.
He's from Spain.
You just call me PF Chang?
Yeah.
That's a nickname?
Yeah.
It doesn't even hurt.
What's PF Chang?
Boy, what would it hurt?
He's taking shots at you, buddy.
No.
Bobby.
You know what?
I'm not doing your movie.
Oh,
it gives me a movie.
I said I would do it.
I'm not doing it now.
Well, that's that, buddy.
That's what you get.
Are you guys single?
What's the situation?
He's married.
Married, married.
We're both married?
Two kids on here, one kid over there.
So if I went out, because I'm a single guy, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You set me up or what?
No question, dude.
You want to see a wingman?
I am the best fucking wingman you've ever seen.
He's very good.
Really?
I'm the best wingman you've ever seen in your life.
Okay, good.
I am just loud.
Okay, prove it.
Yeah, prove it.
Here we are right now at the bar.
I'm a hot chick.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Obviously.
Yeah.
Okay.
Play some music.
Play some like a loud.
Well, no, no, no.
We have to.
I'm going to have him actually play music.
Okay.
Play some music.
All right.
before we're walking in.
We're walking in.
Bobby!
Point him out!
Who is your best?
Who are you into, bad?
Pussy!
Let the beautiful babies out!
Okay!
Who?
White!
White!
White pussy!
White pussy!
How you doing?
I'm pretty good.
Buddy, you over here.
He might not look like Budge, but he is an absolute kid in the bathroom.
Don't say that don't look too like too much.
Why?
He doesn't look like too much.
Buddy, the the key to happiness is low expectations.
Let's keep this thing rolling, bro.
He's condescending.
You're going to be alright, follow me.
You're too bad today.
What's your name?
Sheila.
Sheila!
You come here along with me, Cobbo Left?
This is my first time here.
I'll tell you what, nothing says combo like a hot Asian man.
I'll tell you what, like I said, it doesn't look like much.
Hey, you're Asian.
Don't say that I'm Asian.
You can't hear us, buddy.
I know.
Don't say that I'm Asian.
You ever see that?
I'm kind of into black guys.
Black guys, I tell you what second passes, you don't see a lot in combo.
Well, for me, it goes black, Mexican, white, and then that's kind of it.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
He's Mexican.
He's 46%.
I'm not Mexican.
It's alright, brother.
We're going to get you home.
We're going to get you home.
So, what do you say?
One drink?
Talk to him for a second.
I'd rather suck your dick than his.
That's very nice of you to say, but you'd be very disappointed.
The tall statues will get thrown off when you see this piece.
Move on!
What?
Move on!
Alright, hey!
Can I tell you?
Yeah, yeah.
This is the problem that I see.
Yeah, yeah.
Go ahead.
That he's out there.
You're working like a dog.
Like a dog.
But the girls are still wanting to fuck you.
That's the problem.
That's the problem.
You can't have a wingman that's good looking.
That's a fucking choice.
I will.
You can't have a six foot seven fucking Adonis wingman.
Yeah.
No, it doesn't work, dude.
You got to have an algo be a wingman.
No, he's not going to be a good one.
I will say, when you were trying to make that happen, I was like, man, he's...
Why wouldn't she want him?
I did.
I told him.
I feel like
we're less complimenting me and more insulting Bobby.
No, what you did was...
No, that's not true.
What you did was you were so sweet and cute and fun.
He couldn't even hear us.
Yeah, if I'm in a club, Gal Godot, is that her name?
That's who I was.
Right.
Who's Wonder Woman?
Gal Godot?
Yeah, Gal Godo.
If Gal Godot walks up to me and goes, hey, my friend Kathy Bates,
I'm going to be like, oh, Gal Godot.
And then Kathy Bates, I'm gonna be like, nah.
It depends on how much you really appreciate acting.
Oh, she's a better actor.
She's a much better actor.
You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.
It depends on if you're a cinephile or not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because I gotta tell you, Gal Cado.
Buenos dias, cafe bustelo espresso-styled iced coffee is hitting refrigerators with a cold front that'll sweep through your senses.
So keep the coffee pours long and the cold sits slow.
Cafe bustelo estake.
Mega babe, fucking Kathy Bates.
Come on, legend.
Award-winning.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean,
I couldn't do it.
What if it's Galilee?
I feel like you're a better wingman.
Whoa, shots fired.
That's tough.
Yeah, what was that?
And Will told you I'm a great wingman.
It's not about
who you're interested in.
It's about just bringing her along, getting her at the table, and then you ignore her.
I get it.
That's smart.
Thank you.
And you walk away, right?
You ghost.
Yeah, and I just hand him drinks over your shoulder.
Who is a good wingman to you, Bobby?
Stop for a second.
What?
Let me ask you something.
Go ahead.
You think you're the same?
No,
don't do that shit.
Will is handsome.
Hang on, hang on.
Are we talking about looks?
Shit.
You shouldn't have.
This is bad.
In every department.
Boof, boy.
What are you doing?
Interesting.
What are you doing, Bob?
Maybe you need to see a head shrink.
Okay.
You think so?
Yeah, because
you're delusional.
Take your gloves off, Will.
What makes me delusional?
I'm just saying you're a good-looking dude, right?
And I gave you respect when I went to Nashville, didn't I?
Didn't I not?
Did I not?
Absolutely.
Oh, yeah.
I absolutely did.
I absolutely did, man.
Gave you respect, right?
See what he's doing right now?
He's like laying the blanket over you before he hits you in the pan.
Just slowly putting the pillow on my face.
Yeah, but I'm going to say it right now, okay?
No offense.
None taken.
You can't say the none taken for him.
That's his.
I will.
I absolutely did do it.
You can't say, you can't say, I'm sorry, and it's okay.
I absolutely do.
You don't go, hey, I'm sorry, but it's okay.
It's like a talented night.
With all due respect.
No offense, none taken.
You heard it here first.
Okay.
I'm the first guy to do it, right?
You're not the same.
What are we talking about?
Are we talking about?
He's a great-looking individual.
He's the best.
He's a great-looking individual.
He's the best in the market.
But what I'm
doing is I'm not a bad guy.
I mean, dude, this guy's not cattle, brother.
Bro, hey, number one guy.
I'm not cattle.
I've literally
seen women take shots at him, flight attendants, while we were on the plane.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm very aware of the league he's in.
I'm just saying, you're like, oh, it seems like Will could be my wingman, that you would think that I'm on, we're on the same place.
It would just be easier with you.
Why?
We're in the same place.
Because it's like,
and I don't.
All right, can I say something?
Go ahead, go ahead.
This is free.
This is a free room.
Taylor, just stay there.
Taylor, please.
No, please.
Taylor, please, please.
Please stay there.
Hey, the worst thing to do would be to walk out.
Bro,
you know, when I got my car.
Where'd you get it from?
Well, you know, a lot of people go,
go to the lot.
I go, I'm not going going to do that.
I want to go into the future.
I want it simple, and I want it honest, and I want it the best kind.
You do.
And you know what?
Vroom is the better way to buy and sell used cars.
You're looking for your next ride right now.
Go to vroom.com now to shop thousands of cars right from your phone.
You don't got to go to these dealerships anymore, all right?
You don't have to haggle and negotiate pricing.
That's the most annoying thing on earth.
You have a full week or 250 miles, whichever comes first, to make sure your new ride is right for you.
All the cars on vroom.com come with a 90-day limited warranty and one-year nationwide roadside.
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The crown is yours.
Finish your thoughts.
Thank you so much.
No, I was actually just fixing my shorts.
Oh, you were?
Okay, and also, can I say this?
Have at me.
Afterwards.
Okay, but what I'm saying, though, is that...
It's not necessarily what the action means.
Do you know the word angles?
What angles mean?
It's the.
angles means.
Yeah, you're angles.
In every angle,
on a coin?
Great.
So you're saying if he's on a coin and he's on a coin,
he's on the silver dollar and he's on the what?
How many angles do you have, Bobby?
He's like, I have so many angles.
Dog,
your accent fires me up.
That's why we have a lot of people.
You're a good-looking guy.
Sorry, you're kidding.
I'm kidding.
You're a ring-linger.
He's a ring-wing, man.
It's not the result that you're saying.
It's the way you're getting there.
It's the hey,
what I'm about to say, yeah, you know what, dude,
that's what makes it hurt.
That's what makes it hurt a little bit.
Yeah, because kind of say this too, I don't give a fuck.
I know, yeah, you're aware.
Because you know what?
Yeah, these guys have it all, they do, right?
I want to get mine too, player.
Oh, so this is projected.
I'm projecting.
I want to get mine too, player.
Oh, so you're out of the woods.
I'm ready to roll.
Look at you.
Okay, so it's like, I love you guys, dude, but I'm going to get mine.
This is, this is like, if this is like if they remade E.T.
today,
Fuck you.
They would cast you as E.T.
100%.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you phone home.
Let me see you phone home.
Oh, my God.
I'm sending you back.
You're right, dude.
I am E.T.
But by the way, who is the best wingman?
You know, say it.
Go ahead.
You are.
Yes.
I'm your greatest wingman.
I'm your greatest wingman.
Carlos, fuck you.
I've hooked you up a girl.
No, it's fine.
No, you haven't.
You're a sabotager.
That's insane.
Please don't tell me.
Look these guys, dude, I'm going to say this.
If men were,
if you can manufacture men in a factory,
you're not even in the same department.
This is like the grade A.
I know.
They're super handsome.
Keep going.
No, you're in the same grade A.
Well, what floor are they on?
They're on like the fourth floor.
No, they're in like a basement because it's like private.
Oh, that's insane.
You need security codes to get to these guys.
Where do they make Carlos?
In a different country, somewhere deep in Mexico.
Right, we outsourced him to China.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They don't give a fuck about this.
Right, yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But it breaks down in a year.
There's no warranty or nothing.
No warranty at all on this guy?
Yeah, no warranty at all.
I don't want to return him before we fucking
break the year.
So anyway, we had the same dimension.
Okay, I can't.
What about Fancy?
What about Fancy?
Where's he made?
In space.
I knew you were going to say that.
Remember Star Wars, the porgs?
Do you remember the porks?
I've never really seen Star Wars.
He always showed this.
Right, right.
He's a pork.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's fancy.
That's fancy right there.
Same body.
It's loving and fluffy.
And the thing is more terrible.
I just have to Google that for you.
It sucks.
Like, you were just typing your way into an insult.
It's fucking terrible.
You know what, guys?
I'm sorry.
I was being aggressive.
You know, Will, let me see.
Let's start over.
Hey, Make Will.
I love you guys, dude.
I love you guys.
And thanks for coming here.
Awesome.
And I think this has been a magical time.
I've had a great time.
I really have.
I mean, some lows, but
I think it's been mostly highs.
I think it's been mostly highs, though.
I think I'll get.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think this is a good combination of four guys.
Why don't you?
Hey, this is a nice little.
Hey, and a matter of fact,
them, you getting to show off your improv skills,
it was fun to watch.
Why don't we take some time here for you to really get to know the boys?
That's a good thing.
Okay, without any attacks.
That's right, right.
Why don't you ask them something that you really want to know?
Okay, that's right, that's right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we can feel like they're more at home in our home.
They invited us into their bus.
Lovely.
That's right, that's right.
Cheerful, sweet people.
You know?
I will.
Okay, so go on.
Okay.
Fire away, Bob.
I will.
Okay, so
us three, we're in the same platoon.
We're in Vietnam.
Where the fuck am I?
You're dead.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
That makes perfect sense.
And we don't even talk about you.
Really?
Yeah, yeah.
You guys don't even.
No.
Am I laying near you?
You died in the first campaign.
You sent me out early.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you were just like wandering around and you got shot in the head.
Anyway, we don't know where your body is.
Thanks, man.
Oh, you want to be included?
Yeah, man.
What the fuck?
Yeah, I want to be fucking included.
I thought it was about these guys.
I already know you.
Yeah, go ahead.
I thought you were going to ask us a question, and it seems like we're going back and in.
Just gotta fucking yell at me.
You're right, Taylor.
You're right, you're right, you're right, you're right.
My nightmare is coming back.
We're always in playland over here.
This is a fantastic time.
Okay, here's a question for you then, okay?
So, if, listen, I want to talk about friendship, okay?
If Will came to you and goes, Taylor, fuck, I was a little drunk last night, I was on a dirt road, I hit somebody, right?
I think they were illegal.
I don't know.
I don't agree with the body.
Well, that does change things.
I know it does.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
And, yo, I, dude, I was drunk.
You're the only one I'm telling.
If the cops come, can you back me up and lie for me?
Well, I was with you.
That's the easiest.
Absolutely.
Yeah, I'm just thinking, like, when is it going to get a little harder?
When would you get difficult?
Like, if the cops came to me, we were out all night.
There would be no
town and we actually tried to help him get a girl.
And I struck out, but thank God for you.
You helped him be the wingman.
Okay, another layer.
Another layer.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
I would literally be like, hey, I fucking hit somebody and they're dead.
And we'll.
I would say, I would literally say, this is what I would say.
I would say, well, how do we get out of it?
The cops are coming.
Wow.
I'm going to literally, you're going to have to lie to them for me.
Okay, check this out.
But
that's the other thing that's in your freezer.
Yeah, it's really.
I don't know why I should be coming in.
Those cops will never make it to to my freezer, dude.
Oh, it's a private freezer.
Well, I mean...
He's got some freezers.
Oh, he's got several freezers.
I don't think...
I think I got one freezer.
I wish there was one.
In this situation, he got freezing.
I got a whole factory of freezers.
Listen up, boys.
Here we go.
God damn it.
I don't know who I believe at this point.
Now, Will, we caught you going, you know.
Going over to Taylor's house first thing in the morning.
There's security footage of it.
What were y'all doing over there?
Hey, Sheriff Johnson, you need any help?
No, I got this one, Wong.
Let me take care of it for now.
Can you call me Private Young?
Wong?
Listen up, Private Wong.
Back to the vehicle.
All right, I'll be handy, boys.
I'll see you later.
Wait, wait, wait, Wong.
Wong,
Wong, Wong.
Hey, hey, hey, Sheriff.
Go get me something to eat.
What would you like, man?
Sir?
Sir.
Good boy.
Sir.
Good boy.
I'll give you massage later, sir.
Good boy.
I'll get you whatever you want.
Thanks, Wong.
Bye-bye, bye.
I'm going to say this.
I want to say this.
Imagine if the details were worse than that.
If you called him and you go, brother, hit someone last night.
Took it upon myself to dismember the body already.
There's stuff all over the place.
I need you to help me hide all these body parts.
Are you doing that?
No question.
Parts.
Everywhere.
It's a mess.
Here's what I would do.
Yeah.
I would meet Will wherever he was at at that moment.
I would find all the body parts.
I'd figure out how to do it.
He's at Kid Rock's bar.
I would figure out how many body parts there were.
Yeah.
And then I would strategate.
He's parting after I discovered him.
He's parting after.
I would strategically place a body part in the
to where when you looked over on a map of Nashville, it would say, fuck you.
Whoa.
That's how she is.
I would fucking not only save Will, but I would taunt the police as well.
How long have you guys been close?
Like this?
Not long.
No.
2018.
I'm so envious
of your relationship.
Bobby.
Can I say something?
Go ahead, buddy.
I'm so envious of your relationship.
This is good.
Because
this piece of shit,
I'd be prison.
He would narc at me.
He would fuck my life up.
Next on Magnum PI.
Was that a good ad for Magnum PI?
Yeah, but you just made fun of my acting.
Yeah.
Can I tell you something?
That's not Magnum PI acting.
Yeah, it kind of is.
That was HBO.
And that felt like Magnum PI acting.
Am I wrong?
What'd you think?
That was Magnum PI.
Yeah.
Yeah, I didn't buy that.
You needed a tear to come out.
Yeah, I was getting there, you fucker.
But it's not all the way there.
That's daytime TV.
You didn't get it there.
All right.
Anyway, I am.
You want to call from Max?
Hey, would you guys not do that for each other?
Yeah, he knows the fucking fact.
There's no way.
I mean, he would go, he would be like, this is what you need to do.
Go to the police.
police.
Say,
I mean, let's be real.
Go to the police, right?
Say, just be honest with them.
I'll call Theo to replace you for a while.
And then all of a sudden, I'm going through trial.
He's not this.
He won't even show up to court.
I'd show up.
For sentencing.
For sentencing.
Well, yeah.
And I go, You're honored, give him the max.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, that's the kind of relationship we have.
But he doesn't, we don't have that.
And I'll be honest with you.
I fucking love that.
That is not true.
We would never do that.
Bury a body with you?
Yeah.
Be real.
Think about it.
You want to talk about something?
What happened today?
I don't know.
When are we having?
Okay.
That's what I thought.
Okay.
You guys want to talk about it?
Yeah, can you.
Hello.
Go ahead.
Bobby, this is a safe space, Bobby.
Yeah, go ahead.
You own all of this creative.
You have the creative freedom to cut whatever you want.
And we do.
Your Spaniard will do whatever you say.
I've told you I would do anything for you.
See, senor.
You can keep a secret.
I've told you.
I've been so close.
I've got
to talk talk about it?
Bobby and I have known each other for 15 some odd years, 16 years.
We've gotten him through rehab three times.
I've been there through all the pain, haven't I?
Pain.
A lot of the strife.
A lot of things I hold dear that he says, please don't tell anybody.
Not a soul.
Protected him, helped him, loved him, nourished him, cherished him.
So don't do this, that I wouldn't do that for you.
Don't do that.
That's not true.
It's a body.
It's different.
Well, how much?
Okay, first of all, is it a guy or a girl?
How old is it?
How heavy is it?
Oh, the body?
Well, yeah.
Oh, it's like a 400-pound, like 600-pound life guy.
He was an actor on that show.
On my 600-pound life?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he never got the operation.
Dr.
No said, we can't do it, buddy.
There's no way we can do it.
Yeah, so he's just,
you know, I just stepped on him.
Bobby, would you do it for Andrew?
No.
No.
No.
That's strong of you to say.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because in the hypothetical situation,
the rules are different in Tennessee.
Actually,
I'll give it to Andrew.
Please.
Because I feel like you would
answer this question very easily.
Guy breaks into this place right now.
Yeah.
Runs in, knocks out our boys in the back, puts a gun to Bobby's head.
He says, if you don't fucking suck this guy off right now,
you.
I'm sucking who?
No, he's sucking you.
If you don't suck this guy off.
You can't throw that stuff around.
He loves sucking.
That's why I said I was going to ask you and not himself.
He's quick to suck.
Okay.
I'm quick to suck.
That's how Nisi water.
You don't even need a gun.
Yeah.
Let's do this.
You do a finger gun to this guy.
He's sucking you dry.
So go ahead.
There's a gun to your head.
Yeah.
So you don't have to suck.
Okay.
They say you got it.
Like me and Will are out.
We're just sitting here, like, oh my God.
And he's like, who's this guy's friend?
You're like, I'm his friend.
Yeah.
He says, you got to suck his dick or he's going to blow his brains out.
I have to suck him or the guy's going to kill him.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
Well, if you guys are here, legitimately.
If you guys were here,
he wouldn't do it.
Well, how about it?
You weren't here, he would do it.
If you guys weren't here, I would do it, but also, I'd want to put it on Patreon.
Oh, that's right.
I want to get some hits.
But what I would really do is I'd go down, right?
I'd go down like I was going to do it, and I'd sing our little song, our little code fight song, because he knows our little song.
Can you give me a taste of it?
And then we would then immediately beat the shit out of that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Turn the gun on him, and you know what we say?
Now you got to suck both of us.
And that's also going to be on Patreon.
Right.
A double, a triple suck.
Now, reverse.
Go ahead.
Guy comes in, puts a gun to his knee.
You got to suck and I have to suck Andrew up.
What I would do, you know what I would do?
I would suck Will first.
Just let him know what's coming.
He would suck Will, then he would suck the gunman.
yeah the gunman would kill himself yeah yeah yeah yeah so it's like yeah he'd flip it on himself man i don't know what we're saying yeah listen i'm a man dude do what you want i'm good dude can i ask a question go ahead oh my god
yeah who
honestly do you guys think is a better actor between the two of you
that's not that's not a uh
it's not a fucking it's not close no i'm just saying it's not that's we're totally different
that's not how you feel though no what do you mean we're totally different you you offer things that i don't I couldn't do, and I offer things that you couldn't do.
Like, what?
But that's not how you feel, though.
What does he offer that you don't have?
He's good.
What does it say ethnicity?
He's good at.
So, okay, what I'm good at is if somebody gives me a script, I'm good at, like, seeing it, ingesting it,
learning the lines.
Learning the lines, becoming the character.
I'm not doing your movie.
And Bobby's good at
being there and
doing it.
You know what you're doing right now?
Yeah, you you know what you're doing right now dude it's blasphemy it's uncalled for bobby's a great actor categorically he knows i'm kidding categorically no no no he's a great he's a wonderful he is actually a very good actor i don't think i mean i mean i think we're just two completely different guys also just can i say this i know what you're trying to do taylor if i can tell you that it's pretty smart right you may but um
look at my mdb yeah
what i tell you hey what i constantly work dude he did so i don't know what you're trying to do the wrench and the fucking engine drone no i'm saying that i continue to work do you think all right so
here's what's happening.
I hate that.
You're projecting again.
Yeah, yeah.
You're projecting again because I'm trying to look.
Yeah, yeah, I don't like that photo.
Take that photo off.
That's a good photo of you.
My favorite thing.
Very early 2000s.
Yeah, exactly.
I don't like it.
The foha?
What are those three words at the top above the photo?
What?
Actor, writer, director.
What writer, director?
What have you written or directed?
I've written my life and directed my life
to this moment.
Yeah?
Yeah.
What's the box office return?
Nothing.
On any of this.
Nothing so far.
He's been killing it.
Let's pivot on that categorically.
Okay.
That's enough.
Bobby, in the Asian community, where would you rank yourself?
Are you top five?
What are we doing?
What are you trying to do?
In the white community, where are you?
3,695?
It's a much stronger category.
Are you that high?
3,000?
3,699.
My point is that I'm who I am.
All right, listen, Taylor, listen.
I love you, Will.
And I get, I understand.
No, I'll just say, Will, dude,
let me say something.
When it boils down to survival, dude, you and I have it.
And we will beat these guys out and we will be the winners.
Remember that.
Absolutely.
And we're going to look at each other and we're going to go, we got them.
Okay.
We're on a team now.
Is that what you're saying?
Dude.
Let's do a competition.
The crazy thing.
Let's break off.
You and I do a podcast.
Him and I do
do a podcast.
Oh, you don't like it?
No, no, no.
That wasn't a look of.
No.
You got to move to Nashville, buddy.
Okay.
So you'll do it?
Yeah.
All right.
Honestly, I think you can mix and match any of the money.
Don't you think?
Now, how are your employees that work with you guys?
Those guys are all steel vaults.
They wouldn't fucking say anything to anybody about anything, would they?
Who do you think would snitch?
Who's the fucking guy?
Which one of the crew?
Yeah, which one of the guys are going to be?
Bring them out.
Bring him out.
Bring him out.
Bring him out.
Let's compare.
Honestly.
Like what we have and what they have.
But
let's see if they can get.
So they can get on camera.
Okay.
That way in front of the producers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's see who we think would snitch.
All right, I'll tell you.
Jesus, huge one.
What the fuck?
Bring 14 guys.
I'm going to kick these guys.
What do you mean?
Hell yeah, boys.
Stay strong.
Okay, you ready?
We run a great scouting department.
Yeah.
I've got this figured out.
Okay, who's the biggest snitch?
Okay, far left, that's your lawyer, right?
Yeah.
That is your accountant and/or lawyer or manager or agent.
How much we would buy them for?
Like, it was like they were slaves.
It's the second time today.
Yeah.
Okay, so here we go.
I love the extreme.
What's our budget?
How much are we doing?
They're slaves we gotta buy 10 grand.
10 grand.
Right?
So we're both.
Just make it $10.
Yeah.
$10.
Just $10.
Hang on, hang on.
What work do you need done?
Are we talking manual labor?
We've got a different job.
We have a lot of stuff to do right now.
Are we talking manual labor?
For laughs, how about this guy?
45 cents.
Trust me,
it's tough taking.
You should have sit there, Stephen, and take it over.
Dude, I'm sorry.
That was so mean.
Give me a hug, man.
Very mean.
Welcome to my building, dude.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
That was so mean, dude.
You're You're $3.
You know that, right?
You say you're $3.
Check this out, dude.
What?
Go ahead.
Two bucks a guy.
You got two bucks a guy?
Well, it's five guys.
You know what I mean?
That's how I treat everybody.
Behind their back,
I treat them worse.
But right away, you know, the one thing I have, this guy's got a lot of stuff in his pockets.
I don't know if he's trustworthy or he's busy.
I was going to spend four bucks on him.
That was a $4 guy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I got to tell you, this guy right here with his arms crossed, that guy and that guy right there, those two are, to to me, worth the most.
Why?
Because this guy can kill people.
That guy can murder humans, and this guy knows what to do with it.
Do you understand?
This guy can make bombs, huh?
He's made bombs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He's made bombs.
Yeah, you can make bombs, dude, huh?
He's got the brains, and he's got the buff.
But you know what?
I'll make money with this guy.
This guy?
Yeah.
$8 I pay to spend.
I got to be honest with you about this guy.
What do you do on the show?
Hey, Stephen, he just did the same thing to Will that he just did to you.
I want you to know.
What did I do?
You just said 45 cents.
You felt bad.
So once you went back, you went to eight.
That's right.
That's called.
Essentially,
you're an abusive person.
You're an abusive human being.
Emotions are the same thing to us.
Emotionally abusive.
You're right, dude.
You're right.
Would be a good thing.
Thank you, boys.
I appreciate all you guys.
The bustin' boys.
Good job, Phillips.
And they do have a real good crew.
They have a good crew.
You know who would be a phenomenal person?
Oh, you think you're guys?
Yeah, I'm trying.
It's like two truths and a lie type of thing.
No, so you, I'll say it.
Two truths and a lie.
I think you guys have to say something.
I'm going to say something to see if I'm lying.
I'm going to say something to see if I'm lying or not.
Let's see.
We have to tell two truths and one lie.
That's how it goes.
I can't even think of a lie or truth.
All right, then.
Okay.
I got it.
I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome.
I've seen this bit.
But you don't know if it's a truth or not.
I've seen the bit.
Look, Shob and Callan?
Yeah, but forget it.
Let's move on.
I'll do it.
It's got your fucking library.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm a fan, brother.
Okay, that was very funny too all right I was in the Minnesota boys choir
I I played ice hockey
and
I'm a purple belt in taekwondo
there's two truth and a lie that's pretty good do you know the answer I do I know which one is the lie Willie go first buddy
The first one was you were in a Minnesota choir?
He wasn't listening.
Yeah, you weren't even listening.
Minnesota Boys Choir.
Yeah.
Yeah, Minnesota Choir.
You're saying that's a lie.
No, he's asking the three.
No, I'm not a child.
Oh, you're asking what they are.
Give him the three again.
Minnesota Boys Choir.
Yeah.
Ice hockey.
I played ice hockey.
Plays ice hockey.
Played ice hockey.
Yeah, and then I wasn't.
Purple Belt and Taekwondo.
Purple Belt and Taekwondo.
Who are the boys?
I'm going to say.
I think who are the boys.
And could I say this too?
If you get it right, dude,
I'm going to give you a leg massage.
Which leg?
Both.
Whoa, that's dude.
He never does both.
That's so nice.
That's fucking cool.
I'm going to go with Minnesota Boys Choir.
Okay.
Go ahead.
So here's where I think it might.
Like Minnesota Boys Choir.
I just don't see him being in Minnesota.
They're in the same game.
I don't see you being in the middle.
But then he said purple.
He said purple belt, which I'm like, man, he's just going off what?
Like, Minnesota?
And it's almost hockey.
It's almost racist of us to even believe the purple.
Who are we to put him in a box to say, oh, that's the truth?
Wow, you're good.
A to-go box?
But putting Minnesota choir and then hockey in together, the sport in Minnesota is hockey.
Right.
But I don't think you're from Minnesota.
That's what I was going for.
You don't have it from Minnesota.
These are all very fighting words.
Fighting words, huh?
Yeah, I don't know.
Can you stand up and can you show me a hockey shot?
Oh, fuck yeah.
You got to show them what you do, baby.
He played hockey.
He played hockey.
Because, can I be honest with you?
Yeah.
And what I'm about to say might hurt, but it's okay.
Yeah.
You don't strike me as a very hand-eye coordinated individual.
Oh, boy.
This guy.
It's a video game.
I'll let that slide.
Okay.
But it burns.
It burns bad.
And it hurts bad.
And I know this is weird because we kind of just met, but that was a legitimate shot.
So the hockey's the truth.
You know, he's a video game.
Which makes me believe that the choir is now true because Minnesota and hockey play together.
I'm going to go purple belt and and Taekwondo.
My fucking cut, dude.
You got it.
No way.
Wow.
I swear to God.
Really?
Yeah, because I lived in Adina, Minnesota.
He's my dad's from Adina.
Okay.
So,
when I was a kid, right, my favorite hockey player was Dino Cicarelli in the 70s, right?
And I played hockey and I had a good voice, so I was in the Minnesota Boys Choir.
I just never took Taekwondo.
Sing us something.
Loves Hitler songs.
That's his favorite shit to say.
Every
morning you greet
me.
It's been a while.
It's been a while.
It's been a while.
So, Bobby, you came from money.
Yeah.
My parents had money, but they went bankrupt in high school.
08?
No, you're 50-something.
Yeah, you went.
You were 52?
Yeah.
You said you went bankrupt in high school.
So how would 08 be that answer?
Wow, you're smart.
1908.
1908.
No, so after the turn on the screen, did you play the same game?
Do you guys want to play this?
Do you like this game?
I love it.
Two truths and a lie.
I feel like that could easily get sponsored.
Your EP should have been on top of that.
You actually have a sponsor.
That's what I'm going to do.
That's going to be a good one.
I'm going to get me started about these guys.
Pretty good game.
Okay, Two Truths and a Lie.
So you're going to do it?
Sure.
Can I play or no?
Yeah.
Okay.
But don't say the answer because you're probably going to know the answer.
I probably won't.
I don't know anything about him.
He doesn't know who I am.
Yeah, Yeah, I really don't know much.
It's fun.
I used to
coach Will Farrell's kid.
I
lived for a short period of time in the John Hancock building.
I've I've uh
I've took a I've taken a shit near the Eiffel Tower
outside
Andrew.
Yeah, that last one bugged me because I thought you're taking way too long with this.
Last one's obviously a lie, but then a shit near the Eiffel Tower.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It bugged you because it tricked you a little bit?
No, because it's like, what is near with the way this.
I said, I took a shit near the eiffel tower outside okay can i go no is that but do you get that you get the framing oh yeah yeah because you see i don't know much okay i'm gonna say that will farrell is a lie his kid you all right yeah brother will go ahead yes you're gonna say the will farrell one is a lie yeah do you know the answer i don't see you guys are thinking more than you
gave me
what's yours you go ahead uh you said the john hancock building that's right where's that located chicago illinois chicago illinois Illinois.
Where did you start doing comedy?
You can't ask questions like that, man.
That's insane.
Because I didn't do it.
That's why you should have never got up and did the hockey shot.
Oh, well, I feel like that's a fun part of the game.
Oh, you're right.
I fucked up.
I fucked up.
But
they'd be giving you too much information.
That's okay, go ahead.
You can ask.
In this nick game, you can only ask two questions.
Two questions per
yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, so John Hancock building is in Chicago, Illinois.
Yeah.
Where did you start doing comedy?
No, don't.
I started doing comedy in Los Angeles, California.
And we didn't have to waste that question because he's a Chicago Bear fan.
So that's a good play.
Oh, yeah, you already could play.
Oh, yeah.
So that's his truth.
That could be.
That's his truth.
Fucking.
But I can ask for each.
I can ask for each, right?
So now I can ask you.
No, you're out, though.
You can't get any more questions.
Yeah,
you just said two for each.
No, no, no.
For each,
for each.
Yeah, so now I can go to pooping.
Go to pooping.
Yeah.
No, no, you get two questions in total.
That's insane.
What was the first one again?
What was that?
What was that one?
He taught
Will Farrell's kid.
Coached Will Farrell's kids.
What'd you coach him in?
Wait, you can.
He just can't use it.
Will can do it.
You can use it, too.
Yeah, you already used it too.
This is your segment.
I don't know if you guys have
rules.
What'd you coach him in?
Soccer.
Are you looking at my legs?
I'm going to say, I'm going to say,
what is that?
What is that?
What the fuck is that?
Go ahead.
Go, go, go.
What is it, kids?
You want to go?
You want me to go?
You guessed, right?
So I'm going to go with coaching Will Farrell's kid.
This is good.
I'm good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What is it?
I never lived in the John Hancock.
God, God.
Hey, that is really good.
Yeah, never.
That was really cool.
Caught Will Farrell's kids in soccer?
Yeah, I coached him
when his kid...
One of my first jobs when I moved to Los Angeles was coaching little kids.
By the way, he was like fucking six.
It was little kids' soccer at the park behind the Fox lot.
And Will Farrell, Ryan Philippe, and Reese Witherspoon's kids were there.
It was like celebrity kids.
I got it through a friend of a friend at the movie studio I used to work at.
Wow.
And they were like, they need someone to coach soccer.
I was like, I've never fucking played soccer in my life.
And they were like, they're six.
I was like, perfect.
So I coached a bunch of little famous kids.
Isn't that fucking.
Is that that?
Let's do more of that.
You guys got to do it now.
You guys got to do it now.
By the way, the John Hancock was a good seller.
That was a good pull because the Bears thing, and that was a nice pull from that, too.
That was fantastic.
You want to do yours first?
I want Will to do two truths and a lie.
Fast.
Fuck.
Let's go.
I need to think about something real quick.
Think about the lie.
I wet the bed until I was
14.
I won a Yu-Gi-Oh!
tournament in high school.
I lost my virginity on the 4th of July.
I didn't like your screen.
I won a Yu-Gi-Oh!
tournament in high school.
That's fucking what do you want to do?
I wet the bed till I was 14.
I lost my virginity on the 4th of July.
Just mad as fuck?
Like, what do you want me to fucking do?
Pretend to what I'm saying.
Let me tell you something.
Because I think with the lie.
Go ahead.
I get two questions.
You got to let them just do their thing.
Because he's not allowed to play.
He knows that.
I guess
he might because I low-key.
Yeah, yeah.
He knows too much.
So we only get two two questions per person.
Yeah, yeah.
So I'll get one and you'll get two, you get two.
So my first one would be.
Where was the Yu-Gi-Oh tournament?
Where did it take place?
Missouri.
No, I mean like where?
My area.
I'm saying like in a what?
In a warehouse, at a school?
Where was it?
Flea market.
At a flea market.
Really?
At a flea market.
Okay, okay, hold on.
Let me get one more question.
Insane.
Didn't you just ask a couple?
That's one.
I asked one, but I said where.
I didn't mean the state.
I meant like where did the tournament take place?
And like, what room?
Facility.
What facility is what I mean?
And just give me a brief example of how Yu-Gi-Oh!
tournament.
No, wait, wait, wait.
Just a brief example.
Yeah.
No, no, no.
Hold on.
What are the rules?
Let me get one more question.
Let me get one more question.
Let me get one more question.
You son of a bitch.
You're a fucking son of a bitch, aren't you?
Yeah, he's a son of a bitch.
Is he a son of a bitch?
One of the purest kind.
This is one of the purest son of a bitch.
This fucking German son of a bitch.
Yeah.
Nazi fucking son of a bitch.
I would say the other question I would want to know is
what was the first thing you said?
It was the Yu-Gi-Oh tournament.
No, you pissed yourself
until 14.
So he doesn't remember that one.
And
I lost my virginity on the 4th of July.
4th of July.
Yeah, we heard that one.
I believe the 4th of July, Virginity.
That's corny, but I believe it.
Yeah, I believe it.
He's the type of white dude that would do that.
He would.
And
I'll be coming when the fireworks are blasting off.
It's America, our freedom.
Right, he's American.
So the pissing the bed thing is the thing we think I'm doing a lot.
Let me just.
You know, because it's like I can see this guy's pissing the bed until he's 14.
That's the thing.
I guess I could.
It's just an obby for me.
thing seems like.
But you know what, dude?
It's a shot at you.
It seems like a shot at you.
It is, but it's also a specific thing.
And it's like.
Were you a Yu-Gi-Oh!
guy?
No, it was not a Yu-Gi-Oh!
guy.
Oh, why'd you say...
Oh.
There you go.
There are the pieces.
There's that puzzle coming in.
I'll make my guess.
Oh, my God.
Do you have one?
Go ahead.
You can ask another question if you want.
No, I'm good.
Because those other ones are.
You didn't piss your pants into your 4chan.
That's crazy.
Go ahead because you wouldn't be a real man if you did that go ahead you didn't lose your fucking virginity on the fourth of july
yu-gio was the lie
yeah damn it
let's flee market
god god damn it and you only knew that because i flexed on the pokemon badge yeah recently yeah i honestly but i feel like you've talked about pokemon all i did was switch pokemon and uh yeah yu-gio all right what's it different that's why i didn't like it's a fucking difference yeah but it worked yeah but it also because i i could answer your question I could answer questions.
Okay, okay.
It's like he did something so similar, I was like, oh,
right.
That's why he was pissed because you won a Pokemon tournament.
Pokemon tournament at a flea market.
You cocksucker.
So it's partially true.
He won a card game.
Disqualified.
Go ahead, Taylor.
Disqualified.
You will, you sneaky son of a bitch.
You did?
You lost your virginity on the business?
I think you're pissed I lost my virginity once you lie.
No, not a chance.
Where was it?
My room.
It wasn't that.
You invited a girl to your room when you were how old?
14.
14.
Right after you stopped pissing the bed.
No, when he stopped pissing the bed, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah, let me ask you something.
Your parents didn't say anything or get you psychology or something.
Your dad didn't hit you or nothing?
It was the only.
Are you talking about pissing the bed?
Yeah.
The only thing was like we'd go to the doctor and the doctor would just say, I couldn't drink Kool-Aid after 7 o'clock.
He's right, though.
Yeah, he can't do it either.
All right, Taylor, give me two truths and a lie.
Let's go, baby.
I'm having a hard time.
I'm having a hard time.
I know, you saw me.
And the scariest thing is pissing your pants over at your boys' house, like when you're having a little slumber party.
You still peel your pants now?
You still peel up your pants?
I have before.
I have before.
My latest time was college.
You pissed the bed in?
Pissed the bed.
But drunk, that's why.
No.
Oh.
Wow.
You shame?
Is there shame there?
No,
I'm talking about it right now.
When you piss
in college, when you do it, are you cognizant of it while you're sleeping?
Like you know,
pissing?
Yeah, I mean, mean, I would, like, wake up at the tail end of it.
Oh, you'd be pissed.
I'm fucking pissed that.
I'm ready.
Okay, he's ready.
I'm ready.
Here we go.
I
once won a Nintendo 64 Super Smash Bros.
tournament when I was 12 years old.
Okay.
Kind of piggybacking.
Go ahead.
I did
over 20 hours in flight lessons.
I've landed a plane.
20 hours is not that much.
I get it.
Go ahead.
And everyone's flown a Cessna.
You know what I mean?
Go ahead.
And I
propose to my wife in five weeks of knowing her.
Okay.
Off the bat, the five weeks thing is true.
100%.
There's no doubt in my mind.
He looks like he loves hard and he loves fast.
Yeah, dude.
20 hours, 20 hours of flight.
Anybody can do 20 hours.
I think you and I have done seven.
I've done many.
Yeah, I was going to say.
I don't even know what it is.
The problem is the tournament thing sounds too close to home.
Like he's going to get us again and be like, I fooled you too.
Yeah.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah, but to me, the number one first thing, the tournament thing, Super Mario Smash Bros.
Seems like a lie, but still,
I did that with the number of people.
It wasn't Super Mario Bros.
It was Super Smash Bros.
Super Smash Bros.
Whoa.
Okay, let's ask two questions.
You were 12 years old?
12 years old, yes.
What was the prize?
The prize was a $250 gift certificate to David Busters.
This is a lie.
That could be true, though, too.
No, I can smell it.
DNB didn't have $250.
They only had $200 gift cards, I remember.
Okay.
Yeah.
Go ahead.
What do you mean?
What's your other question for him?
So
in five weeks, when
you propose to your wife,
what's so funny?
What?
I just love you, man.
Why?
Because I don't know what I'm doing.
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
You're saying the question just so you kind of can sort of find it.
I'm trying to find it.
He's in the dark with me.
I'm in the dark.
I'm in the dark.
So the five weeks.
Did anyone tell you that it was too soon?
We didn't tell anybody.
Yeah, he did it out of the blue.
And did she expect it?
Did she expect it?
Yes, yes, and no.
Oh, wow, man.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, I'm going to pick.
Go ahead.
He doesn't have 20 hours of flight lessons.
A flight time.
Go ahead.
I say the plane things.
Bananas.
I still don't believe the five weeks.
Okay, so no on the five weeks.
What is it?
Man, I thought you guys were smart.
I literally piggybacked off him.
Damn.
Yeah, five weeks.
Five weeks and you had it for a minute.
Dog, he really did.
I thought to myself, you're such such a fucking idiot not like navigating through essentially the same thing.
I knew it was a live day for me.
It made me like 12 years old.
I had to fucking move in the old noggin for a second.
I was like, God damn, what would you surprise?
That would have been iconic if you're like, you just stick with, they didn't have 250 alley, they just had 200.
It's that one.
There's no chance.
I did think that would have been nuts.
I knew it.
These guys are fucking with us.
God.
All right, well, here's the deal.
The busting with the boys boys are here.
It makes my heart glow to know that you guys are here in our studio after we came on your bus.
And we came on your bus.
And we appreciate you.
We love you.
And the next time we're in Nash Vegas.
100%.
We had so much fun in that city, man.
The Ryman was one of the, I mean, one of the best venues I think we've ever been.
It's incredible.
Are you feel duped?
Do you feel bamboozled again?
I feel.
He doesn't like to be lied to.
I was lied to.
It's emotional.
I think it's like we lost.
We did.
There's some losing here.
What do you mean?
They didn't guess mine, so I was good.
And they didn't guess yours either.
I guess yours.
Yeah, yeah.
Taylor did.
Oh, he guessed yours.
Taylor pieced that thing apart.
So honestly,
they won.
You lost.
I did lose.
Yeah.
I did lose.
Do we be honest for a second?
Yeah.
You're the only loser here.
Close us out then.
Thank you for being a bad friend.