Rudy & the Cat Vomit Drama

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Speaker 2 Hey guys, Juicy Jesse Jetsky Ski Bask Johnson here. And I just wanted to let you know that on August 25th, if you're in Austin, Texas, I'm headlining the Sunset Strip.
Would love to see you there.

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Speaker 1 Bye-bye. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. Ladies and gentlemen,

Speaker 1 guess who's back? Man, and

Speaker 1 she's brown and she's cockroachy. Hey, listen, let me say something to you, okay? When I pay you money, when I go out of town, okay, and you say you're gonna get cleaning supplies, right?

Speaker 1 And you get no cleaning supplies, do I get some of my money back?

Speaker 1 I'm gonna buy it to do it. You had a whole weekend to do it, right? Because when I came out, there's vomit all over my house.
Cat vomit all over the house. You're lying.
I swear to God.

Speaker 1 I went yesterday and I cleaned all of it oh oh so in the last 12 hours cat vomit city yeah they had a cat rave

Speaker 1 I went last night and I cleaned the whole house really yeah because there's fucking cat litter all over the house as well what do you mean what do you mean what do you mean what do I mean and also you come in here and you go is this a skateboard and I go it's a time machine it's a skateboard obviously you lost your mind.

Speaker 1 You gotta need therapy. You need to get some rest.
Too much school for you. Is that a skateboard? No.
Oh.

Speaker 1 Rudy. Rudy, sorry.
What cleaning supplies were you supposed to get at the house?

Speaker 1 Soap, soap, dish soap.

Speaker 1 Soap, two soap. Soap, soap.

Speaker 1 No, no,

Speaker 1 in Philippines, soap soap is one soap. Soap soap.

Speaker 1 Do you know what soap soap in Cebuano? Soap, soap in Cebuano.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. You're questioning a white man what soap is? Soap, soap, soap, soap.
Oh, my God. Soap, soap.
Sorry. Not soap.
La Moza. Soup soup.
Oh, it's bat soup?

Speaker 1 No, it's lobster bisque and French onion. No.
Soap soap.

Speaker 1 Right. In one bowl.
Toupot, one. It's not a food.
It's like what you. It's like an action.
Soap soap.

Speaker 1 Oh, I know what it is.

Speaker 1 It's when you stab somebody with a machete. No.
Soap, soap, soap.

Speaker 1 Yeah, one soap, one soap. It's an action.
Soap, soap. Soap, soap.
Soap, soap. Not soap, soap, soap, soap.
Soap, soap. Uh-oh, jumping jacks.
No. Soap, soap, soap, soap.
Soap, soap.

Speaker 1 That doesn't sound like it. No? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Jump rope. It's an action.
No, it's jump rope. Oh, soap, soap, soap, soap.
I get it. It's not.
It's not. It's an action, Bob.
Is it an action? Oh, it's fucking.

Speaker 1 You know how. You're close to it.
You're close to it.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's going down on soap. No.
It's a thick, thick, loose vagina. So,

Speaker 1 yeah. So

Speaker 1 there's an echo there. It's eating ass.

Speaker 1 Because somebody goes, oh, this needs soap, soap.

Speaker 1 What is it? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 We got to find it on our own. We've got to find it on our own.

Speaker 1 Well, she said in action, and it's close to sex. It's close to sex.

Speaker 1 So, in the Philippines, soap-soap means

Speaker 1 soap-soap. Oh, when you suck tits.
When you suck tits.

Speaker 1 Soap, soap, soap, soap, soap, soap.

Speaker 1 Sucking. Sucking is

Speaker 1 sucking. I'm close.

Speaker 1 You do it. You already guessed it.
Sucking. Sucking tits.

Speaker 1 Soap, soap. No, is soap really sucking tits? Sucking.
It's just sucking. Soap, soap.
Why is it twice? I don't know. Does it have to be sexual? Could it be like?

Speaker 1 Chicken fingers?

Speaker 1 Like, if I'm eating chicken fingers, I'm like, I use soap, soap. You're not sucking chicken fingers.
You don't suck chicken fingers?

Speaker 1 How do you eat chicken fingers? You suck the juices from the fucking bone. What? Yeah.

Speaker 1 First of all, you're talking about chicken wings. Chicken fingers are boneless.
You're getting bone-filled chicken strips.

Speaker 1 I request it.

Speaker 1 I go put the bone back in. When you get chicken fingers, you want bone-in.
Yeah, chicken fingers.

Speaker 1 They don't like it. There it is.
That rolls their eyes. They chopping shit.
Yeah, they roll their eyes. And I got to tell you something, Patreon fans.
So happy that you joined. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, let's climb this road together. Let's get unlimited, unfiltered content like this.
We're going to spit on Rudy on three. One,

Speaker 1 two, three.

Speaker 1 Anyway. So, so.
So, soap. Good.
Are you happy to be back here, Rudy Jules? Yeah. You better be.

Speaker 1 How about you come? By the way, speaking of returning, I texted Doc the other night. Uh-oh.
Oh, wow. Well, he texted me, actually.
Oh, great. He saw something on Instagram.
It was the aliens?

Speaker 1 No, it's funny. It wasn't alien base, but I thought it was.
No, he texted me something that we posted on the Gram or something. Bad? No, no, no.
You gotta be positive with that.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, it was good. It was good.
I promise it was good. But

Speaker 1 I'll show you exactly what it was.

Speaker 1 Doc, our old friend Doc, who's a busy, busy man, he said, oh, yeah. It was a picture of the I'm Bobby Mom tattoo that went around the internet.
You've seen this? Yeah, I've seen it. The guy got it.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And he loved it.
And he said, I've been great, fam. Working at Amazon till 2 p.m.
And this was late at night, I think.

Speaker 1 And I said, you're hustling hard. He said, I'll hope to see you soon, fam.
Love you. Got to go talk to you.
And that was it. And then I said, Doc, miss you.
And he wrote, nah, fam. He said, nah.

Speaker 1 No, he didn't say that. No, he didn't say that.

Speaker 1 But we do miss our little dog. I know, but why did you just say that? I mean, you made it seem like there was going to be some way to get him back into the team.

Speaker 1 I just wanted to tickle you a little bit. I wanted to tell you.
It's like, don't get my mouth watering. I'm trying.
All right. I'm trying.
Because you know what I'm going to do if I see him? What?

Speaker 1 Soup, soap.

Speaker 1 I'm going to soup, soap all day long, dude. I'm happy that you're back, Rudy.

Speaker 1 You've graduated in life. How old are you now? 21.
21. She's been with the same guy now for over a year.
Gross. Right? So she's monogamous.
But you're not living with him. No.
No.

Speaker 1 And there's no chance they're monogamous. These 21-year-old kids, they're little rabbits.
They're fucking everything they talk to. Are you sleeping outside the relationship? No.

Speaker 1 She's not sleeping. Oh, soap so.
So.

Speaker 1 She's soap, soaping. She's with other guys.

Speaker 1 How's school going though? Is it good, though? The relationship with him is good? Yeah. What's his name again? Joey? Joey.
Yeah. Call him Joey.
Joey. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How's Joey? Good? Joey's good. He's a pharmacist?

Speaker 1 Pharmacy tech. Okay.
Ooh, can he get us some pills? Yeah. Yeah.
Wait, I'm being serious, can he? Because I actually need muscle relaxers. I need oxycontin.
My back is bad again.

Speaker 1 Fentanyl and oxycontin. Can we get fentanyl, oxycontin, and muscle relaxers?

Speaker 1 I'll ask him. I love it that you asked for real drugs, and I'm like, can I get Advil free?

Speaker 1 How hard is it, though, if you work at a pharmacy

Speaker 1 as a tech? Easy. I don't think so.

Speaker 1 He hates it. Why? He hates drugs? Because of the people, like customer service.
Oh, well, yeah. Have you seen the people? Have you been in line at a CBS late at night? I'll leave.

Speaker 1 It's literally a thriller. It's like, yeah,

Speaker 1 they're just old. They're just old.

Speaker 1 I'm here for my medication. Their teeth are falling out.
Yeah. Dude, it's the scare.

Speaker 1 Being in line at a Walgreens or CVS late at night waiting for a prescription, it makes me feel like I'm in Carlos's dreams. You know what I mean? Can I just say something elitist, please?

Speaker 1 You know how sometimes I say elitist things? Never. It's like, I hate it when they qualm over it.

Speaker 1 You see this in a pharmacy line always. Yeah.
About a dollar or two. Well, this coupon and my insurance, $2, you know, you charge me two extra dollars.
They sure did, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but don't you just go, oh, fuck it. If it's a dollar.
Yeah, so when would you complain? How much money? $2.

Speaker 1 Be real. Well, I'll tell you this.

Speaker 1 I had a prescription change,

Speaker 1 and this was insane.

Speaker 1 It went from like $1 a pill to...

Speaker 1 $4.85 a pill. Now, when everything adds up, that's a shitload of money.
Oh, I see. So that's that's what it is.
It's not like the whole thing is a dollar more. It's per pill.
It's like per medication.

Speaker 1 That's when it gets insane. But what I'm asking you is, like, if you're buying a car, for instance, and the car is like $80,000, I know you would never take it.
That's a little pricey.

Speaker 1 I know you would never take it. Let's say $40,000.

Speaker 1 Okay, $40,000. $40,000.
Right. I'm buying a $40,000.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 you do it through your accountant. You have an accountant, right? Business manager.
A business manager, right?

Speaker 1 And then you see later down the road your receipt, right and they charged you forty thousand six hundred and eighty five what was the extra six eighty five you have no idea it doesn't say what is it it just doesn't say it's a you're my business manager what is it well um

Speaker 1 mr santino um just call me andrew i've known you for 12 years well in this in this because uh i embezzled from you so i have to go

Speaker 1 you stole 685 no i know it's a ghost

Speaker 1 It's ghost money. Oh, so it does.
It's an old term, you know what I mean? In terms of accountants. It's a money term.
It's a a money term. It's called ghost money.
I get it. I'm out of bounds.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you're out of bounds. And so there's sometimes, you know what I mean, money

Speaker 1 that is invisible to you. Right.
But visible to my bank account.

Speaker 1 You understand?

Speaker 1 I can't see it, but you see it. I see it definitely.
This makes a lot of sense. Well, it's no longer there.
Oh, so it's yours. Well, I went to Thailand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I went to Thailand. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So it's some woman's. But my point, though, be.
Some woman's? Yeah, but would you be mad for that much?

Speaker 1 $685.

Speaker 1 i'd want to know where it went and if it was if it was ghost money what would happen i'd have a little bit of a dispute i would be upset if you told me 685 you if you told me this and it became something else yeah yeah i gotta be mad well hold up this well it's tax purposes oh it's for taxes yeah there's like tire tax well i haven't paid taxes no in the car oh oh when you buy a car you you pay for the rubber yeah the tire tax right yeah and there's transmission tax i've never heard of this before it's new let me google right?

Speaker 1 I'm going to Google it. It's a Biden thing.
Hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Look at that. Yeah.
Joe Biden implements tire taxes. And transmission taxes got some.
Transmission taxes.

Speaker 1 Well, transmission taxes, because you know what he's all about. I know.
Well, let me tell you something about stolen money. What? I just watched something on the history channel.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 About the most corrupt dictator of all time in the Philippines. Boomboom Marcos.
You know about this piece of shit. Ferdinand Marcos? Do you know about Ferdinand Marcos? I know about Duterte.

Speaker 1 No, do Duterte is different. Who's worse? Duterte or Boom Boom? No, Marcos.
Marcos. Dude, Bong's worse than Duterte.

Speaker 1 Not Bong Bong. Ferdinand Marcos.
No, Ferdinand Marcos. Ferdinand Marcos.
Who's Bong Bong? Bong Bong is his son. That's his kid.

Speaker 1 Bongbong is his son. Bing Bong is his brother.
Is there a sub-soup?

Speaker 1 Is there a sub-soup? Sup-soup? Yeah, there's got to be. This fucking guy, this guy was a genius, by the way.
This piece of shit. Him and his family, they, I mean, terrible people.

Speaker 1 While people in the Philippines in the 80s were living in abject poverty, this fucking scumbag literally stole hundreds of millions of dollars, they think maybe billions from the people, the Filipino people that he stole from Japanese hidden gold bars in the caves of the Philippines during the war.

Speaker 1 And this motherfucker, who is that lady? That's his wife.

Speaker 1 Is that boom boom?

Speaker 1 That looks like a boom boom. That's being beam.
That's being beamboom. Yeah, that's beam beam.

Speaker 1 Bepp is in the coffin. That's Bimbim Min.
Oh, he died? That's Bup. That's Bimbim Mini.
The guy that we're talking about died. Yeah, Mark Needle.
He's dead.

Speaker 1 Okay, all right. Yeah, they're dead.
Are you upset about it? No, she's happy. They were evil, right? They were bad.
You weren't even around. But I watched this whole thing.

Speaker 1 This fucking genius, this evil genius, his brother or uncle was the judge that allowed Cruz to start digging to hunt for this missing gold. Uh-huh.
Genius.

Speaker 1 And he was like, oh, there's all these guys that are digging for fucking gold. He's like, perfect.
When they find it, we'll either kill them or imprison them, and then we'll just take it all.

Speaker 1 So they did. Every time someone went down, they were like, oh, he went missing.
And then they would just steal all of it. Look at this.
Look at these gold bars that they would find in these cases.

Speaker 1 well they okay so that was here's what you do yeah what you know what to do what you first of all if i was one of the guys which one though no i'm not boom boom or any of those you're just i'm a guy that's you're a little filiofer i'm a hunter you're a hunter a filipino that's right i'm a lamb herder yeah at best

Speaker 1 lamb singular you don't have more than one i know but i'm that's what i do for a living yeah lamb i'm a lamb herder i look at the fucking filipino express right which is their local newspaper correctly right right and i go you know i mean gold bar hunter wanted.

Speaker 1 You're signing up. Well, I would.
False name. What would your name be? Jackson Jackson.

Speaker 1 Well, they go, boom, boom. You know what I mean? So I got to go.
I get it. Soup soup, Jackson Jackson.

Speaker 1 Tom Jackson Jackson, right? Yeah. And then I'd probably do something with my face.
What? I'd just put mud on it or whatever. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 What? Not in this ear.

Speaker 1 I don't think you can mud up your face over there.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? You can't do like browner face. That's not brown face.
That's mud face. Mud face.
Mud face is the same with the brown face. Because they're.
Let me say something.

Speaker 1 The mud from the Philippines is lighter. Oh.
So I'm like, oh, I don't need mud. What? Why do you need mud? I'm going to change the way I look.
I'm Jackson Jackson now. The lighter mud.

Speaker 1 Is that why you is that?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Let's say it.
That. Right, lighter mud.
Not that. That's too dark.
So listen, let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 You think you're going to get employed to go hunt for gold? What skills do you offer? Here, listen, I am the guy.

Speaker 1 This is my confidant and I, right?

Speaker 1 Okay? I'm Chip Chip. Yeah, yeah.
And that's Chop Chop. Yeah, yeah.
And we're looking for gold hunters. So tell us your qualifications.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 What are your qualifications?

Speaker 1 Come in. Ask him what his qualifications are.
Hello, Jackson. Do it in Sibanese or whatever the fuck it is.
Oh, Jackson Jackson?

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 That's my lamb.

Speaker 1 Excuse me. I brought my lamb.
That can't be in here. Why? No, my lamb.
Take that outside.

Speaker 1 What? I'm Jackson Jackson, Jackson Lamb Hunter. Huh? I'm a lamb herder.
I lamb one lamb. He's hurting.

Speaker 1 He's hurting lamb. That's what you believe in.
And that's why I want to have this job because I make the monies. Okay.
I saw it. Hold on.
Let my constituent talk to you.

Speaker 1 Sup, soup, leap.

Speaker 1 Oh, you sucked a lamb?

Speaker 1 You dirty

Speaker 1 fucking pig. I'm getting, I feel like.
Are you soup-shooped a lamb? I feel like I'm getting accused of something that I did not know to. Oh, you did? Okay.
It sounds like. You're

Speaker 1 you accused me of sucking my lamb. You said it to the lamb.
I heard you shoot shoot the lamb. Dicky name.

Speaker 1 Oh, you called him ship shoot.

Speaker 1 What the fuck?

Speaker 1 What the fuck is going on around here? All right, my kids who want to ask.

Speaker 1 Get the fuck out, right? Okay.

Speaker 1 But hold on, let him leave. Let him leave.
Let him leave.

Speaker 1 Hold it, hold it.

Speaker 1 What's going on? Where else?

Speaker 1 Jackson Jackson.

Speaker 1 Yes. Are you Chinese? No.

Speaker 1 Are you a mine?

Speaker 1 Why do you sound Chinese?

Speaker 1 What? Why are you yelling at me? Are you Filipino? I am Philip. Of course I am.
I'm a real Philo. Who's your mom? Look at my skin.
Who's your mom?

Speaker 1 What? Who's your mom? Mong Mong the Pri.

Speaker 1 Do you know Mong Mong Dupree? I do. Does she know Mong Mong Dupree? I know her.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she does sh one sheep. She lives in the tree.

Speaker 1 She lives in the tree. I have one lamb.
She lives in the tree with one sheep. Mong Mong Dupree who lives in the tree.
Yeah, anyway.

Speaker 1 By the way, she don't suck on the sheep.

Speaker 1 By the way, I know you're going to accuse of my mama while sucking on sheep. I only suck on lamb, okay? So fuck you.
Okay, go ahead. Hey, hey.
Hey, fuck you. You're trying to get a job.
Oh, sorry.

Speaker 1 Slow down.

Speaker 1 Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Okay. Ma'am, go ahead.

Speaker 1 There it is. Nice.

Speaker 1 Go ahead. Okay.
Can I call you Jookjuk?

Speaker 1 Uh-oh.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Wait, you? You want to change my name from Jackson Jackson to Jook Chuk? Why? So I can hire you and I can remember your name. You can't memorize Jackson Jackson?

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Don't question yourself.

Speaker 1 By the way,

Speaker 1 question though because there's another gold hunting.

Speaker 1 There's another gold hunting that I went earlier and they accept my name.

Speaker 1 No, stay. Okay.
Stay. Okay.
Okay. Duke, duck? Yes.
You're hired. Good.
Thank you. Wow.
That fast. No skill, nothing.
No. I'm blind.

Speaker 1 You know I'm blind, right? That's why I have to fucking lamb. He's my,

Speaker 1 you know, seeing lamb.

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Speaker 1 Seeing I lamb.

Speaker 1 No, see, I see

Speaker 1 lamb eye. Seeing lamb eyes.
That's what I just said. Right, it's false.
Sorry, you're right.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to speak.

Speaker 1 I apologize.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I get the. So what do you think? Jesse's glasses are fogging up again.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So what I would do is, let's can I get out of Jackson Jackson or? No, no.

Speaker 1 What? Stay. Oh, stay.
Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay. I don't want to stay.
This is who you are, Jackson Jackson.

Speaker 1 You're Jackson Jackson, baby. All right, so I don't want to stay Jackson Jackson.
All right, so anyway. What would you really do?

Speaker 1 Check it out. Check it out.
Well, here's what I would do.

Speaker 1 So I would go in there and lie to these people, right? Yeah. Because I knew there would be murdering going on.
Of course. Right? Yeah.
Because Tanya, Tanya, my cousin, she got killed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Frederick, Frederick. Frederick Frederick killed.
Frederick Frederick got killed. They all got killed.
What? Yeah, and my, you know, my mom in the sheet in the tree.

Speaker 1 My mom in the tree. Yeah, yeah, she told me.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 They die. Oh, no.
They get murdered with the final goal. That's why she's in the tree.
They can't get her up. So, you know what I would say?

Speaker 1 I would look up at the tree and go, mom, check, mama, me, me, Jackson, Jackson, check it out, right?

Speaker 1 And I'm going to lift up my leg like this, right?

Speaker 1 And then she's going to, what happened to your leg? It's gone.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 And I go, prosthetic.

Speaker 1 and she's like, ah,

Speaker 1 so I'll find when I find the gold, I find one bar.

Speaker 1 Stuff it in your leg. I stuff it in the leg, dude.
Yeah, and then I walk out of the whatever the fucking, you know, I mean, the cave or whatever. So, you only want one bar? I'll be like, I'm blind.

Speaker 1 I can't see. No gold.

Speaker 1 Where's your sheep?

Speaker 1 What? Where's the sheep? Check it out, dude. Look at his leg.

Speaker 1 Look at his leg, dude.

Speaker 1 Prosthetic. Yeah.
There's got to be small bars.

Speaker 1 Little baby bars are going to be a little sheep leg bars. There's got to be a little one.
Maybe.

Speaker 1 And he's just like,

Speaker 1 he's bummed. Well, you know what? That's heavy.
The guards will see it, though. They'll go, he walked funny.
They'll see the sheep shaming.

Speaker 1 No, they're not because they don't like sheep sham shaming there.

Speaker 1 Read the culture. There's no sheep sham shaming? There's no sheep shaming.
Read the culture, right, in the Philippines.

Speaker 1 What about you? They'll say you're walking funny. They'll go, why you're like...
Oh, excuse me? Look, I would take the fucking prosthetic out. You'd show them the gold? No.

Speaker 1 The goats in the prosthetic. They're not going to look inside.
Sure, they will. Filipino fucking caveguards?

Speaker 1 Caveguards? What do you think they're doing?

Speaker 1 They're not TSA. Bro, you think I'm getting my fucking leg, my fucking prosthetic leg from America? I made it.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 that is definitely not going to work. No, it is.
You better get it from China.

Speaker 1 My thinking is this, dude. They are going to look in it.
Yeah, they're going to look right in it. Right.
So you do an optical illusion. Obviously.
Mirrors. All right, Carlos, obviously.
Obviously.

Speaker 1 Like a swirl.

Speaker 1 You know how you stare at a swirl in the center of the thing? Right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they look away.

Speaker 1 Everything's like blurry.

Speaker 1 What? Are you talking about magic eye? You put a magic eye in there? Yes. I would do an optical illusion.

Speaker 1 What do those swirling swirls do? Yeah. Yeah.
And they're going to be like, oh, what's going on? Everything's so blurry.

Speaker 1 I think you got this all figured out. I know, dude.
We should put you in a time machine. I know, dude.
Don't you have a time machine right there? Yeah. Yo, I got a time machine right here, dude.
Good.

Speaker 1 We should go jump on that.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 People think there's gold in the Philippines. You know this, right in the caves.
Really? I didn't know. Well, here's gold.

Speaker 1 We got to go. Genuinely.
I'm not lying. We got to go.
Genuinely. What are they called? The Lily Maps? Look up Lily Maps Philippines.
I think it's called. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yamashira's gold.

Speaker 1 Yamashita's gold. This is insane.
Oh, look at that. I would love that.
That's authentic. Look at that first guy.
General Yamashita was convicted of war crimes, this guy, right?

Speaker 1 God, what a piece of shit, dude. Look at him.
Well, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Garbage human. He got convicted of war crimes during the Truman era that typically takes years to get.

Speaker 1 They convicted this guy, boom, overnight. Yeah.
You know why? Why? To get to the fucking gold. Oh.
We were all trying to get to the fucking gold. Everybody was lying, like, every country was goonies.

Speaker 1 We were all trying to get to the fucking gold. And basically, go up.
Yamashita. Yama.
What is this? General Yamashita.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Read it right, dude. Yamashita.
Oh, that's that's right. Yeah, General Yamashita.
That's I read Tomoyuki. Yeah, that's his first name.

Speaker 1 But General Yamashita, the wild shit about this fucking guy was they put him on trial and they convicted him on the day on the anniversary of Pearl Harbor.

Speaker 1 Obviously, not a coincidence.

Speaker 1 And when he was on trial, they have video footage, and it's crazy to see his face because he's almost like smiling when they're like reading off the list of crimes. He didn't do any of them.

Speaker 1 His soldiers carried out a bunch of crimes. Yeah, but when you tell your a No, he didn't.

Speaker 1 That's the thing is like. He didn't say anything.
He didn't instruct them to do the things that he's convicted of. Like what? I mean, it was like torture and all this shit.

Speaker 1 His like troops were none of the people that did all the war crimes. But they were like, we got to get this guy.
He's the plug. He knew where the gold was.
Wow, he was like a woke guy. Yep.
Right?

Speaker 1 So he would see his guys torturing. If you look at a picture.
He would go, no torture. No, no, no.
Stop. Stop.
Stop. All right.
No red. Look at a picture of him.
Okay, finish.

Speaker 1 He has an LGBTQ pin on in the chest. Oh, whoa.
Yes. Look at him right there.
That's the LGBTQ flag right there.

Speaker 1 Right on his chest. Whoa, dude.
He's so woke. Look at his collar.
Look what it says. ACAB.
All cops are bad.

Speaker 1 And he's got a BLM shirt that he wears underneath that. I'm telling you, dude, this guy, this was like the first.

Speaker 1 Oh, so when a Japanese soldier went to like a Filipino guy, right, or whatever, and goes, hey, what are you doing there? Or, you know what I mean? Who are you? Or where did he go?

Speaker 1 He goes, they.

Speaker 1 They.

Speaker 1 Not he. They.
He corrected people. He knew.

Speaker 1 He was ahead of his time. Whoa.
But apparently,

Speaker 1 this guy's homies told everybody where the gold was.

Speaker 1 And they convicted this guy, and there's still gold in the caves today. We got to find it.
Let's go!

Speaker 1 And you're a guy. You're the only guy.
You know. Look up.

Speaker 1 Lily Maps. Look up Lily Maps is what it's called.

Speaker 1 But do you know what region? No, I don't know. Well, then you got to fucking Google it, dude.
We got to get to this fucking gold, dude. I want it so bad.

Speaker 1 But maybe Bong Bong Marcos already knows and like.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's a thing. But they say the maps are still out there to find.
I want to find a treasure map so bad.

Speaker 1 But what if they're saying this still out there, but they already have it and they want to see us out there and they laugh about it? That's funny. That's a great tourist trap.
Right? That's funny.

Speaker 1 Look at them sweating on it. Yeah, like that's like people taking tours on Hollywood Boulevard.
That's their Hollywood Boulevard tours. That's their star.
What's that down there? What's that photo?

Speaker 1 Let me see. Oh, that's a map.
Oh, sorry. McCone, by the way, I learned.
Show him what town he's from. Look at this, the town he's from.
Faggy. Fagleysville.
Fagleysville. Is that really your town?

Speaker 1 He's from Fagleysville. Do you not know this? No, what does it say underneath it, though? Fagleville.
This is Pennsylvania, not Minnesota. You're lying.

Speaker 1 I was talking to Joe DeRosa on the phone today. He literally is by, he's like, he may be going to move back to near where he's from Pennsylvania.
And I'm scrolling through the map on Pennsylvania.

Speaker 1 I come across Fagleysville. Why not change this at some point? Why would you leave Fagleysville as your town? Oh, like Fagley Town? Yeah, Fagley City.
Fagley City. Or Fagley area.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, that's cool. That's good.
Fagleysville? Yeah. I want to know more about Fagleysville.
Why? You're obsessed with Fagleysville. What if I go? What if I use it?

Speaker 1 You just want to say Fagley all the time. What's your problem with Fagleysville?

Speaker 1 The way you're saying it? Are you bigoted against Fagleysville? No, I'm not. What do you have against the citizens and I of Fagleysville?

Speaker 1 I don't have it against the people. I just the way you're saying it.
You go, you, this is how you say it. Fagley.
I said Fagley. Fagleysville.
Fagleysville. Get back in the closet! Fagleysville!

Speaker 1 No, dude, say it right!

Speaker 1 Fagleysville. That's better.
That's how you say it. Yeah, it's not threatening.
Welcome to Fagleysville. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 In colonial times, a great quantity of pig iron from Warwick Furnace was hold over what became Fagleysville Road. Wait, too, but I need to read this.

Speaker 1 Let's say it in an accent. In a gay accent.

Speaker 1 No, it's fancy. No.
Gay and fancy.

Speaker 1 In colonial times.

Speaker 1 a great quantity of pig iron from Warwick furnaces hold over what became Fagleysville Road to the large Mayberry Forge at Green Lane, where the iron was refined and formed into bar iron, a nail rod.

Speaker 1 Blacksmiths could use.

Speaker 1 By the way, they loved all those terms. But put iron.
How about this? Nail black.

Speaker 1 Put an adjective before blacksmith. I think it's written wrong.
Go ahead. To start with forge at Green Lane.
Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Forge at Green Lane, where the iron was refined and formed into bar iron and nail rod that blacksmiths could use hearts.

Speaker 1 I didn't think it was going to be that.

Speaker 1 We got to beat that up and keep it in.

Speaker 1 Beep it up and keep it in. Beep it.
Beep it. Fagleysville takes its name from the descendants of Hans Heinrich Vogeli of Swiss descent and born in 1684 in Germany.
We gotta find him.

Speaker 1 We gotta Hans George Fagley.

Speaker 1 That's the guy we have to fucking Google. We gotta find him.

Speaker 1 What does he look like? Well, he's dead. He was born in 1788.

Speaker 1 There's gotta be a photo of Hans George Fagley. Get me a picture of that.

Speaker 1 Bring him a photo of this Fagley. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's Vogli.

Speaker 1 Vogeli.

Speaker 1 Vogili. No, go back to, Google Hans George Fagley.
There's nobody? No, there is.

Speaker 1 There's gotta be. There's gotta be a guy.
Where is a photo of this guy? Yeah.

Speaker 1 There he is.

Speaker 1 Zoom in. Zoom in.
He looks like a white supremacist. He was from Germany.
The World Council of Churches.

Speaker 1 There's the guy. Wow.
There he is. Look at him.
What is he saying there, Bob? Zoom in. What? What is he saying in that meeting? I love pussy.

Speaker 1 That's what he's saying. You're right, Faxley.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love it.
In the middle of the meeting? Yeah. Be honest with us, Faxley.

Speaker 1 What's been going on with you, Rude? Tell me what the deal is in life. I want to know.
Wait, I have a question first before I go. Here we go.
Here we go. Here we go.
You know how this always goes.

Speaker 1 Who is that behind you?

Speaker 1 Who? Oh, who?

Speaker 1 That little guy? Yeah. The AI created that.
Look at this. This is me if I lived in India.
And that's Bobby if he lived in India. Literally, a fan gave it to us.
I created it from AI.

Speaker 1 That is exactly what he looks like if he was an Indian citizen.

Speaker 1 That's me.

Speaker 1 Hollywood star.

Speaker 1 You want us to do one of you?

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1 Yes, yes, yes. See what fucking happens? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're going to get one.
Well, I can't. She's not famous enough to, we'd have to get a picture for the AI to run through like this.

Speaker 1 No, no, we'll find it, figure it out. All right, let's do it.
Okay. You've got a lot of nerve talking about him.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Talking shit, dude.
And you know that's me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's what's rude about what you just did. You knew it was me.

Speaker 1 What have you been doing before what I asked you before you asked a question? What's been going on in life? Okay.

Speaker 1 I went to the strip club and I discovered that I'm lesbian. Whoa, that's so stupid.
Did you tell your boyfriend you're the dumbest thing ever? Did you tell your boyfriend you're lesbian? I did not.

Speaker 1 You're not a lesbian, okay. Bi, you're not bi.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you some questions. Whoa, conservative dad.
Yeah, me ask you some questions. Because you seem, you're not like my daughter.
I raised you, right?

Speaker 1 So, um, when you look at a vagina,

Speaker 1 I'm like

Speaker 1 amazed by it, and like I just want to go into the doors. Whoa, whoa,

Speaker 1 you love it, you love it, Yeah, because, like, in the strip club, I could see everything.

Speaker 1 But, yeah.

Speaker 1 First of all, was it full nude? Because there was no booze? No. In California, if it's full nude, it's no alcohol.
In Hawaii. Oh, Hawaii, there's no rules.
Oh, you do it in Hawaii? There's no rules.

Speaker 1 When were you in Hawaii?

Speaker 1 When you were there.

Speaker 1 Three weeks ago. You were there.

Speaker 1 I wasn't there.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you were there. You didn't go to the strip club, but you were there.
I didn't go to the strip club. Was that the strip club? Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I wasn't. You weren't.
Yeah, thank you. You weren't.
Wait a minute. Was I at the strip club?

Speaker 1 How does this game work?

Speaker 1 Was I there? No. No.
I was not there. You weren't.
No, I don't do that shit. So tell me.
You go to the strip club. You don't have a lot of money.
So did somebody give you money? Kalila. Anti Kalila.

Speaker 1 Anti Kalila gave you how much?

Speaker 1 Like this much. What? You don't know how much this is? Yeah.
It's just a stack of ones?

Speaker 1 So you walk in, there's no door fee, right? You sit down. Do you get a lap dance? How do you you do a strip club? How does a 21-year-old girl do a strip club? I just kept yelling.

Speaker 1 Like what? Yelling at the windows, like when they were dancing. Nice pushing!

Speaker 1 Not like that. No, no.
Give me something. I'm dancing.
Okay. Right.
Okay, okay, go. Woo! Woo! Woo! Whoa, are you getting stabbed?

Speaker 1 I'm not backing up.

Speaker 1 That's way too much. Let me bring you to the stage.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ladies and gentlemen,

Speaker 1 ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage. Ling Ming.

Speaker 1 Let's go!

Speaker 1 Let's go!

Speaker 1 We put a rope inside the room for Mingling, not a pole.

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You had a beautiful little lake.

Speaker 1 My mom was there. Yeah.
My mom was at the lake.

Speaker 1 And she's like, why don't you wear your bird dogs? Yeah. So I went to the pool, right? And I wore my bird dogs.
And I got stares from all the locals. And all the locals were like, what's going on?

Speaker 1 What are you wearing? Yeah, I got, never mind. It's none of your business, pal.
Yeah, but my mind. And you know what? You stop and you say, it is your business.
They're bird dogs, baby.

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It comes with an inner lining that I love so much. It's so comfy and snug on all your parts.
All right.

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Speaker 1 Bring out those tips, ladies. So wait a minute.
You would just yell. Were you also throwing dollars? Were you making it rain? Yeah.
So you spent all your money. Mm-hmm.
And did you get a lap dance?

Speaker 1 She put her boobs in my face. They do that, yeah.
Whoa. It's one of their things.
Insane. That's a move.
Yeah. She jiggles.
She shook it. Yeah.
You got a little milkshake. Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was like I was in. What kind of milkshake? Was it vanilla or chocolate? Chocolate.
Chocolate milkshake. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Much better, aren't you? Yeah. Yeah, that'd be better.
I went to one. So when me and Kalila broke up, I went to one.
I went to a rage. I went to a rage trip club.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? Just with money. Oh,

Speaker 1 irresponsible vibes. Yeah, yeah.
Just in a rage. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Just old-timey money.

Speaker 1 Like the Monopoly man. Yeah, and it was like a disturbing human experience.
Why? I went to the Seventh Veil.

Speaker 1 Here?

Speaker 1 Why'd you make that face? Why would you go to that place? Is gross?

Speaker 1 I know. I haven't been to them.
Dude, when I drive past it, I go like this.

Speaker 1 I know. It freaks me out.
Yeah. It looks so sad.
It's inside of a motel. Yeah, I know.
What the fuck are you doing?

Speaker 1 And when you walk in with Wads of Cash, old-timey, oh my God, they're like, they get rabid. They're like, put in your teeth, girls.
He's here. So anyway, I went.

Speaker 1 I don't want to talk about this girl because I don't want to break her heart. Well, you shouldn't.
Just talk about the. Don't talk about someone specific.
Okay, but somebody.

Speaker 1 How long ago was this, by the way? A year ago, maybe. I'll talk about it.
Really? It's a long time. She probably's not there.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And she was.

Speaker 1 I can't.

Speaker 1 Oh, please, Bob. Yeah, yeah.
She's not there anymore, probably. It's what she did.
I can't talk about this. What did she do?

Speaker 1 Oh, I know what she did.

Speaker 1 She wasn't attractive really that much, but she was a huge fan. You know what I mean? You know how sometimes they're up there and they go, I love bad friends.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Pretty rad.

Speaker 1 And already in your head, you're thinking, well, maybe that's the one, even though you're not attracted to them. Right.
Right? Because maybe they'll do extra or whatever. Right.

Speaker 1 And then she violently played with my penis. Hard? Violently.
Over the jeans?

Speaker 1 No. Like, no, it was out.
You pulled it out. No, she did.
She just pulled out your penis. I was wearing sweatpants.
And just started yanking out. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How big?

Speaker 1 I thought you couldn't do that. Oh, 9th and 7th family.

Speaker 1 Unfortunately. You can't do that.
You can't do that. Yeah.
Unfortunately, they can't. It's insane.
It was insane. I've had it often.
I was in San Francisco. Has that ever happened to you?

Speaker 1 I was in San Francisco with my buddy. Yeah.
And we went to a real, real dicey joint in Chinatown.

Speaker 1 And the girl was, I don't know, 75, maybe

Speaker 1 pounds.

Speaker 1 No, late. She was age, maybe 75.

Speaker 1 I think the young ones were 60. I think those are the younger ones.

Speaker 1 But this woman was an older, experienced woman and literally was like, booth?

Speaker 1 And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no. That's like the VI, you know, no, no.
She goes, booth.

Speaker 1 Like this. Booth.

Speaker 1 Oh, spit. Well, spit jerk.
That's going to be more money. Spit jerk, yeah.
Because some of them just don't do do the spit. Yeah, drive jerk.
They go boot. Yeah.
And some people boot.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Offer me both. Offer me the first one.
All right. Huh? Boot.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. No, thank you.
I'm okay.

Speaker 1 They do this then. Yeah, that finger up.
Hold on.

Speaker 1 I can't put any of these gestures. Wait, why? Oh, we'll get banned.
Fuck me. Oh, my God.
So you have to explain it again without the. Maybe you should take out the seven-bill need you and jerk it off.

Speaker 1 Maybe. Yeah, take that off.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let's get away from it. Let's get away from the

Speaker 1 porno stuff. Porno stuff is bad stuff.
They don't like it on the YouTube. It's just the motion.
The motion there. Jerking off motion.
They don't like it. For some reason.
Some weird.

Speaker 1 Okay, let's go back to this. Let's go back to this.

Speaker 1 So you're in Hawaii.

Speaker 1 But you're not a lesbian, you're bisexual, first of all, because you're still with your boyfriend. Yeah, but you haven't hooked up with a girl yet, so I don't understand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe you don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 I know, but there's like a feeling. What is it? Like, I want to try.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I have a feeling I want to watch Lord of the Rings. What is it? I want to

Speaker 1 slay a cave troll, but in real life, I wouldn't. No, I.

Speaker 1 Is that a metaphor for sucker cave troll, bro?

Speaker 1 Is that what you're really trying to say? I want to slay him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to super cave troll? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it's just like a feeling still doesn't.

Speaker 1 You have to act on it, I think. No, no, but what she's saying is, look, let's say you and I go to.
I think she's just trying to be. You know what I mean? Cool.
Timeout, Dad.

Speaker 1 Time's what you're trying to do. All right, Fox.
She's trying to be hip and young and

Speaker 1 I fucking bullshit.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something, Fox News. Your hetero.

Speaker 1 fox news yeah uh

Speaker 1 look at it like this you and i go to thunder down under the male strip club yeah would you get a feeling there no okay so she the my point is oh what kind of feeling

Speaker 1 i didn't know the feeling but we already know tito bobby's by he was he's done now he's done he said he comes

Speaker 1 i swear to god i swear to god what i so regret you even coming here

Speaker 1 what the fuck do you mean we already know we confirmed no we know nobody confirmed it We didn't confirm it with nothing. Well, maybe.
Has it been confirmed? Mm-hmm. In your mind.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So you think I'm bisexual? I think so. You think so?

Speaker 1 I even asked the Tikala. Oh, really? Here we go.
What did she say? She said, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm bisexual. Yeah.
Insane. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Well, this will maybe prove her point. If we went to Thunderdown Under and saw a male strip club, male strippers, what would you feel? I would spit on the floor.
This is blasphemy, and I would leave.

Speaker 1 Would you dance in the spit for a little while? You would. You'd rub your little button on.
Oh, I spit on my dick, actually.

Speaker 1 Can I put that in? Yeah. God.
Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 You do have feelings for guys when they're fucking. Oh, it's so ridiculous.
What are you doing

Speaker 1 here? What do you do? What are we even doing here right now?

Speaker 1 You don't like boys a little bit? No, you're the one that keeps talking about Mr. Fagley.

Speaker 1 First of all. Yeah, he was gay.
He was a great pioneer.

Speaker 1 I never said I wasn't gay. I'm not the one that came up with this guy right here, right? Yeah.
Before we even came to the fucking podcast, what do we talk about today? Right?

Speaker 1 And then Faggley is the first thing that came to your mind. We did this whole history about the city and this and that.
Who's bisexual, friend? I never said I wasn't.

Speaker 1 But no, be real. Are you? Bisexual? Yeah.
I don't know yet. Me either.

Speaker 1 Can I be there with you? Sure. Can I be in that little space with you?

Speaker 1 I don't know yet either. I haven't taken the test.
I haven't taken the test either. Well, let's take it.
No, I don't want to take the test. Carlos, give us the test.
You already done the test. And you

Speaker 1 lied.

Speaker 1 I lie all the time. Well, you think I fucking tell the truth?

Speaker 1 I'm Dr. Lie, dude.
Everything I do is a lie. You never got your doctorate.
No. No.

Speaker 1 You don't have a PhD. Yeah.
Not the MIG. Let's take the quiz.
Let's take the quiz. Again.
Let's take it for you. Fine.
Thank you. Yeah, because he never took the test.
It's never going to work.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, you're not going to get me? Quiz.

Speaker 1 Well, I never took the gay one. I went to the Bible.
Have you had feelings for a same-gender close friend? Yeah, of course. You.
I feel like

Speaker 1 I love you. Yeah.
I think so.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I think so.
Next. Yeah.
Have you ever kissed someone and wanted to kiss someone of the same gender? You have. I have.
You have kissed me. Yeah.
You have kissed me. Yeah.
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Definitely.
It was great. Well, it says, definitely, I haven't done it, but I want to try it.
Yeah, and I'm not sure I felt about it. Yeah, I'm not sure how I felt.

Speaker 1 Okay, but go with three. I'll give you three.
Yeah, that's fine.

Speaker 1 How do you feel about queer characters in TV shows and movies? Oh, you love it. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I think they're the only people that should be in film. I've totally watched shows with just queer ships and storylines.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Please. Please.
Yeah. When someone asks you who you're crushing on, I make up a name or I pick someone random.
Yeah, that's it. Number two.
I make up a name and I pick someone random.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Has anyone ever asked you if you were gay? Yeah.
I've asked you every day for the last six years. Okay, so just do people pretty much assume that about me all the time.

Speaker 1 When you imagine being in a relationship, what do you picture?

Speaker 1 I'm not sure.

Speaker 1 I can only see myself with one of the same sex. I'll probably be with someone of the opposite sex.
I think four would be the thing. I can only see myself with someone of the opposite.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there you go. Yeah, the four.
Yeah, that's true. Okay.
How do you feel about identifying as being gay? I'm not sure how I feel about that. Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm not sure how I feel.

Speaker 1 Have you ever felt attracted to someone of the same gender? Yeah, but everybody has, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah. How do you feel about dating someone of the opposite gender?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think you would. Maybe.

Speaker 1 No, you absolutely. Opposite gender.
I definitely do.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the the last fourth. Yeah, I definitely do it.
I would do it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Do you ever fantasize being someone with the same gender? Oh,

Speaker 1 no. I would say no.
No, that's a no. That's a no.
Yeah, that one's a.

Speaker 1 When you imagine kissing or being intimate with a future partner, how do you feel? Good, I guess. Good, I guess.
Number two. Yeah, good, I guess.
Good, I guess, I guess. Yeah, good idea.
That's great.

Speaker 1 If you scroll through your feed or FYP, your For You page, do you see content from queer creators? Yeah. You got it.
Yeah, but only because I've looked at one or two related posts.

Speaker 1 Flash forward five years. How likely is your partner is the same gender as you? Oh, not very likely.
Not likely. Not very likely.
Yeah, not very, not very likely. Not very likely.

Speaker 1 Would you be comfortable using the LBGBTQ dating app? Oh, no. No, there's no way.
Not really, but I wouldn't rule it out completely. Really? You never know what happens.

Speaker 1 Okay, the relationship ends. Are the LGBTQ individuals in your friend group? Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What inspired you to take this quiz? How long is this quiz? Oh, there's a quiz. What inspired you?

Speaker 1 Just curious about the result I'll get. Number three.
Yeah. Let's see.
Yeah. Drum roll.

Speaker 1 What does it say? What do my results mean? You may experience, right there. You may experience a small amount of attracting to people the same gender.
Small amount. Small amount.
So I'm bi.

Speaker 1 Is that what it says or no? Yeah. Okay.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 the internet said it.

Speaker 1 Sadly, I'm not bi. Sorry, you're alone on this.
Not neither, me either. Sadly, I thought you said you either.
No, me either. Me either.
Oh, come on, dude. I don't like guys.
So if you break up with

Speaker 1 Ricky? What's his name? Joseph. Joey, yeah.
Joey. If you break up with Joey.
You're going for girls.

Speaker 1 You could see yourself being in a relationship with a girl. I might be because I have this classmate in my bio class.
Ooh. Ooh, here we go.
And she's like really pretty and everything.

Speaker 1 What's everything mean?

Speaker 1 She has big tits. What?

Speaker 1 Smart, big butt, big tits. Yeah.
She has a big titan.

Speaker 1 How big, big, butt butts. How big the butt?

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know.
Show us with your hands. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 So this, and then that.

Speaker 1 What's this? Her back.

Speaker 1 The body, and then like that. Her body's like straight up and straight up and down like that.
There's no spine. She has good posture.
Sideways, sideways. She has good posture.
Oh, like that.

Speaker 1 Good posture. Oh, so it's got like.
So you would say she was thin, but it had a bubbly butt.

Speaker 1 Bubble butt. Bubble, bubble, bubble, butt.
Yeah. And she has big boobs, and she's smart, and she has a nice smile.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then just make up a name for her.

Speaker 1 Ryza. Oh, yeah, Ryza.
Ryza. All right, so I'm Ryza.
You're single now.

Speaker 1 No, I can't. I can't.
No, no, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Ryza.
You're single now. But she's not gay.
I can't tell you. How do you know? How do you know? That's fucking blasphemy, what you just said.
Because she has a boyfriend.

Speaker 1 So do you. Yeah, cut to school.
Cut to school. She just broke up with her boyfriend.
You broke up with fucking Joseph, right? And I'm going. Now I'm like writing, I'm writing an essay.

Speaker 1 Writing an essay.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to do it. Well, you're never going to be able to get this done in real life.
You can't do it here. Excuse me while you're standing there.
We're friends. Oh, hi.
Jules? Hi, Riza. Hi.

Speaker 1 What's up? I'm doing my essay.

Speaker 1 I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later. Hang out? What does that mean?

Speaker 1 Like, go to the movies?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 as friends?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's the wrong move. What do you say? I'll do it.
I'll be you. Ready? Yeah, go ahead.
Do-dee-doo.

Speaker 1 Do-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo. Hey, are you writing an essay?

Speaker 1 Yes, I am. Oh, cool.
What are you doing later? Well, first of all, let me finish. I'm doing the etymology of the word anthropology.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 You are smart. Yeah, I'm doing an essay about the etymology of the word anthropology.
So you're not just big boobs and big tits. You also got big brains.
Excuse me, I'm half Brazilian.

Speaker 1 Oh, I can't do that. That's why it sticks out like that.
Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, what's up? Do you have a boyfriend?

Speaker 1 Do you have a boyfriend? Well, you know, we just broke up. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 I just broke up with my boyfriend. Well, I was about to tell you what happened, and you sit right up to me.
Anyway, what's up? I just broke up with my boyfriend. Oh, I'm sorry.

Speaker 1 What happened with yours? Oh, God, he died.

Speaker 1 He died. Oh, he's dead.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
It's so fucking sad.

Speaker 1 This morning. I don't want to say this.
This morning. Really? Yeah.
This might be too soon. That's okay.
I don't know how to say this to you, but I was wondering if maybe

Speaker 1 I could

Speaker 1 eat your pussy. And then this is why I would have.

Speaker 1 You know what that is?

Speaker 1 You know what that is? What? Is that a little. Sticking the pen.

Speaker 1 So now you didn't notice. I was writing with a pen.

Speaker 1 And now it's down here like this, Ryan. Oh!

Speaker 1 And the tip is in my

Speaker 1 hand. So say it again.
I was wondering if I could

Speaker 1 eat your pussy.

Speaker 1 Look, you should ask her out on a date. Did you have to cut that out? No.
Okay. You got to ask her out on a date.
You got to ask her out. Maybe not that way.
You know what I mean? No. Not like that.

Speaker 1 Not like that. Let me ask you something.
Do people do their essays at the desk? I don't know. No.
I don't know how. Essays.
I don't know how many essays are. Do you do essays later?

Speaker 1 Also, people have computers. Computers.
Oh, but that's where I went wrong. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You haven't been in high school in 30 years.

Speaker 1 Things have changed.

Speaker 1 That's better. Can you believe that you haven't been in high school in 30 years? I haven't been to a class since

Speaker 1 Palomar College.

Speaker 1 I did go to a junior college for like a semester. Okay, but you were in high school 30 years ago.
That's insane. I don't know what.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 you graduated in 90.

Speaker 1 Yeah, 1990. 90, right? Yeah, so here's what I remember.
I remember Bunsen burners.

Speaker 1 Do they still have those? Yeah. Well, ask her.
I'm not in fucking high school. Did they have Bunsen Burners, right? I remember this guy.
What is that? What's the guy?

Speaker 1 The skeleton. Oh.
Who is it? Jesus? No, those are skeleton and science parts. Yeah, yeah.
You guys still have those skeletons? Yeah. Well, they don't go.
They're just skeletons like this.

Speaker 1 They don't do it. They didn't prop their arms.

Speaker 1 I put the arms up like that. Oh, yeah.
I got in trouble for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then there's like little things on the skeleton bones. Yeah, like little needle points.

Speaker 1 No, not just needle points. It was like, you know, A5, and then you could look at a chart.
Oh, yeah. That's a femur bone.
Yeah, I remember that. Or whatever.
I remember that. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that. I also remember,

Speaker 1 that's it. You remember nothing else from high school? No.
I remember one time this girl named Heather, oh my God, made me so fucking mad. So I had just gotten out of my third rehab.
Third time.

Speaker 1 And I don't know why history teacher, because I was gone for like a month. So the history teacher goes,

Speaker 1 and we want to welcome Mr. Lee back.
He just went to a rehabilitation center, and he's now sober. She wanted like people to applaud.
And this girl, Heather, goes, why do you have to do drugs anyway?

Speaker 1 Because of you, Heather. That's why.
Exactly. Because of you.
People like you. Heather, you fucking asshole.

Speaker 1 And I remember her breaking. I was like.
She liked you.

Speaker 1 What? She had a crush on you. That's what it is? 100%.

Speaker 1 A girl had a crush on me that pulled some shit, got me suspended in health class. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They had diagrams of penises of the inside of a penis. You can relate it.
Tell me what it looks like. Kind of like her.

Speaker 1 Viator. Viator is the best.
You know what? We go on vacations. Yeah, we do.
We go on ventures. I'm about to.

Speaker 1 And sometimes when you go to like hawaii or alaska or whatever right you don't know what to do and you got to go to viator because viator has over 300 000 bookable travel experiences in over 190 countries they offer everything from simple tours to extreme adventures by the way if you want to do a little hike or you want to go in a volcano you want to go in a helicopter they got that and all the niche interesting stuff in between viator is the place to go to book memorable travel experiences i am going on a little trip Bobby used Viator and bought me something which is very sweet.

Speaker 1 Maybe we'll show it to you guys. It was incredible and I'm very appreciative because Viator

Speaker 1 has so much to choose from. And you fly.
You fly. That's right.
Viator is a website and app where you can book travel experiences. That's what it is.
And they offer so many things.

Speaker 1 Simple tours to extreme adventures. If you're like Laura Croft and you want to go into the extreme, but you want to do something simple, they have simple ones to do.

Speaker 1 You can do John Wick type of stuff or you can just do Bobby and Andrew type of stuff.

Speaker 1 When you book a travel experience with Viator, there's always flexibility and support with free cancellation, payment options, and 24-7 service.

Speaker 1 What else do you need to know if you're going on vacation and you want something to do go to viator download the viator app now and use code viator 10 for 10 off your first booking what app over 300 000 experiences you'll remember do more with viator if you fillet a penis and they showed you the diagram yeah so i was tracing the cock

Speaker 1 so i was just tracing cock on on loose leaf paper yeah because why not and then i was just sign it and then hand it to my friends in class that was your merch back then yeah

Speaker 1 five bucks you know what what I mean? Yeah, yeah. I was slinging cops.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So

Speaker 1 I signed one, one of them I drew, and I drew something with the teacher's name in it. Why would you put her name on it? I think I put her name in like a puddle of jizz or something underneath it.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry, yeah, it was high school. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I threw it away. Yeah.
And then this fucking snitch from my class

Speaker 1 dug it out of the trash. Oh, my shoesh.
And gave it to the teacher. And then I got fucking suspended after the fact.
For how long? A week. And then what did your parents say?

Speaker 1 My dad was like, you know, do do you have a future in the arts? Are you looking to get

Speaker 1 my parents were so fucking me? I got suspended so many times. So many times.
One time, I got suspended. One time, I brought a BB gun to school.
I got suspended for that. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 But I was shooting people at the bus stop. So that was a big deal.
Yeah. This is back before school shootings.
I was just shooting people, and I would shoot people out of the bus as it was moving.

Speaker 1 But it was BB's, it wasn't going to kill anybody. I had so many scrolls with the BB guns.
I loved BB guns. I loved it.
And I shoot them all the time. Right in their fucking time.

Speaker 1 Then I got suspended for opening up the back door of the bus and us jumping out of it. Why did you do that? We just wanted to jump out of it while it was moving.

Speaker 1 I thought that was funny.

Speaker 1 Then I got suspended.

Speaker 1 I brought an IET to school. You did? A non-functioning, though.
Oh, it was over. Well, I was bringing it to my other friend.
Dude. Yeah.
Dude.

Speaker 1 Dude, Bobby, what's in your bag? Yeah. Why do you have to do drugs anyway?

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, but I,

Speaker 1 yeah, I was kicked out of school all the time. I just got suspended so many times.
That's a funny thing. I used to sell weed and I never got caught for that.
Wow. But I got caught for everything else.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Dumb shit.
If you're young listening to this podcast in high school,

Speaker 1 generally probably a male.

Speaker 1 High school kids? Yeah. Probably going to be a guy.
Yeah. Yeah.
And I've noticed that with our podcast. Well, we get a lot of chicks, but they're not in high school.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they're also like a little funny-eyed.

Speaker 1 You mean every girl that listens to the show is lazy-eyed? No, they're beautiful. Yeah.
Right, but they're something good looking, but there's something wrong. Right.
If you go deep. Look at us.

Speaker 1 I know. Yeah.
Look at their leader. Yeah, their leaders are something wrong.
Fucked up. You too.
You too. You especially.
You too, the most.

Speaker 1 Probably me. You too, the most.
Yeah, yeah. But anyway,

Speaker 1 yeah, so my point is that, what was I even saying? Don't follow us? Are you saying don't do what we do? No, but no, in high school, if you're just, no, because back then we would behave like that.

Speaker 1 And what would the counselors and teachers say? He has no future. Yeah, they used to say, if you could focus your energy, you'd actually be successful in life.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Meaning, you're not going to be successful because you can't focus your energy. Yeah, yeah.
And they always looked at us like, oh, you have no future.

Speaker 1 You're screwed, right? And then look at us now. My point, though, if you're young, light the thing on fire.
Light it on fire.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, break it, steal it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Bring Hugon to school, doodle penises, yeah, you might as well doodle the dickle. Let's go crazy a little bit, it doesn't matter.

Speaker 1 I ended up hooking up with that girl years later, no funny as that, yeah. And did you grab her hair? Why'd you fucking nerk me up, bitch?

Speaker 1 Bing, bang, bang, bang! Against the headboard. Yeah.
No, I do. We hooked up years later.
How weird was that? It was like the strangest. It was like revenge.

Speaker 1 Sex? Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was like weird revenge from the sky. Did you guys talk about it though or no? I've never seen her.
That was

Speaker 1 her. Did you talk about her opening the thing up and doing that? Yeah.
Yeah, we talked one at one point. We talked about that, why she tried to.
And then what did she tell us?

Speaker 1 She said, yo, I had a crush on you, and I liked you and I hated you. It's like the weirdest way to fucking shit.
Girls are fucking weird, dude. Girls do weird shit.

Speaker 1 Guys are also weird, too. Yeah, you're weirder than us.
Because when we have a crush on you, we're literally like, I like you. No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Someone kept bullying me in high school. Yeah.
And then... American or Philippines? Philippines.
Okay. And then a year later, he's told me, I like you.
Well, that's, but that's the Filipino way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, in America, we don't do that. We don't do that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you mean, he bullied? Do you physically push you? No, he kept saying what? You're dark. You're ugly.
Oh, yeah. You know, here's the thing with you, Filipinos.
Not a lie, but told.

Speaker 1 You guys don't like the dark skin. Yeah, you're so racist.
You're so racist. You're so ashamed for dark skin.
It's insane. What do you mean? That happens all over Asia.
I don't like it.

Speaker 1 Like, go to Japan? I know, they're all white.

Speaker 1 The whiter they feel like it's more subjective.

Speaker 1 These bigots do it too. Yeah.
The Spanish do that too. They look down on the fucking Mexicans.
That's why I came to the U.S. To do what? To do that.
A country that doesn't do that. Huh?

Speaker 1 A country that doesn't do that. That respect everybody.
Yeah, right. But you go back to Spain like you just did.
You know, he loves talking shit.

Speaker 1 He's gross, dude. These guys, these Spanish.
And Carlos is another one. Look at that.
Yeah. Light-skinned.
Yeah, yeah. Elitist.
Yeah, he's got Mexico City. My dad's all from.
Yeah, my dad's not light.

Speaker 1 Your dad's from Mexico City, right? Yeah, my mom is too. But she's white because she's like fancy.
Your mom's not white. She's Mexican.
Yeah, but she's like...

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Honestly. I know she's hot.
When her and I were chatting. I know me too.
At some point, I look over. She's fucking me too.
Her dad, and he was like

Speaker 1 this and I was like, In your mind, though? I was trying to kick you. In your mind, though.

Speaker 1 Penetration?

Speaker 1 Do you want me to leave so you can say it? We'll say it here. We'll say it.
I don't give a fuck if you. Yeah, I think you should stand around her.
She's hot. Yeah, she's hot.
Okay, Bob.

Speaker 1 She actually is sexy. Yeah, she's pretty sexy.
Well, I've been in an Uber alone with your mom.

Speaker 1 That's interesting.

Speaker 1 Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting. Very interesting.
That's very interesting. So you went to pick up my mom at her house, right? Yeah, she was waiting outside for me.
Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 What was she wearing? Do you remember?

Speaker 1 I mean, she was going out that night, so it was like a beautiful dress, I believe. He remembers.
Yeah. Ew, he knows.
What color lipstick did she have? Have you dude? Red.

Speaker 1 Red?

Speaker 1 What kind of shoes? Do you remember what kind of shoes she had on? Like rubbery, like abuelita type shoes. Like grandma shoes.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. What's grandma in Korean? Harmony.
harmony

Speaker 1 how many

Speaker 1 how many yeah it sounds like you're trying to say harmony in korean

Speaker 1 so it's harmony but they just can't say it no it's not harmony harmony how many

Speaker 1 how many just one grandmother

Speaker 1 yeah that's what i'm saying how many yeah just one oh one yeah yeah no um so she was cool we i think we

Speaker 1 whoa

Speaker 1 you open this door do you find my mom to be funny yes she was cool she's so funny yeah and she says weird things.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like she kept trying to tell the Uber driver how to go, like, get to the freeway, but it was like really odd. Giving him directions? Yeah, he had directions.
Can she still drive? Yeah.

Speaker 1 She's getting close, though, isn't she? Close to what? Not driving anymore. Oh, I thought she was getting her NASCAR at this point.

Speaker 1 Can you imagine? And in lane 10, I'm Bobby's mom. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, she's she's fine. Anyway,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 she was hot when she was younger, though. That's what people said.
Oh, really? In her 20s? Who said that? His fucking sister? No, have you seen a... I have a photo of her.
Of his mom. Of my mom.

Speaker 1 Oh, of your mom. In her 20s.
I was bragging about his mom being hot. In her 20s, like all the kids from my school were like, oh, your mom was hot in her 20s.

Speaker 1 How different did she look then? I mean, I have a photo of my phone.

Speaker 1 I want to see. Can I see? Oh, yeah.
Can we show the fans? Yeah.

Speaker 1 So would you you'd have to? She'd have fucked your mom in her 20s? I know. Fuck you, dude.
What are you talking about? The way you said it, she she was hot in her 20s. Nobody says she's hot.

Speaker 1 No, people thought she was like cute or whatever. Did your friends say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Your mom was cute when she was in her 20s. She was a neighborhood babe.

Speaker 1 She was a babe. She was Babraham Lincoln.
It's almost here. I got it.
Oh, that's my dead dad? Okay.

Speaker 1 I sell photos of my dead dad on my phone. Isn't that insane? I mean, you know, not real.

Speaker 1 Wow, there she is right there. Where?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Damn, she is hot

Speaker 1 yeah she was kind of cute you know what i mean why did you not get any of that stuff yeah

Speaker 1 how come you didn't get that stuff okay enough about me and then here's me as a baby never you've never heard bobby say enough about me me as a baby

Speaker 1 now that looks like your dad that's the problem is that you look exactly like

Speaker 1 that don't do Don't do, don't do.

Speaker 1 How does your dad look right now?

Speaker 1 Let me see.

Speaker 1 What does your dad look like now?

Speaker 1 This is a stunning photo. I may have to blur this out.
Let me see. And my brother took this.
I don't know what the fuck is going on there.

Speaker 1 Is his dick out?

Speaker 1 Is he pissing?

Speaker 1 He's peeing in a toilet. I have no idea what's going on here.
Oh, that's so lovely. We have now bad advice.
Welcome to bad advice. Hello, bad friend.
I am. Is that you? He's fancy.

Speaker 1 Great. We got fancy calling.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I missed you, guys.
Here it is.

Speaker 4 Some advice.

Speaker 4 I just basically figured out that my biological mom is actually my cousin.

Speaker 1 I put

Speaker 4 basically what happened was my cousin donated an egg to my mom and then my mom birthed me.

Speaker 4 But my cousin is actually my biological mom.

Speaker 1 And I was wondering if you have any advice on that. Well, thank you guys for good news.

Speaker 1 I think you could fuck your mom now.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Go for it, buddy.

Speaker 1 Right? I mean, honestly.

Speaker 1 Your cousin. Yeah, but his mom still carried him.
But does that affect it? It does.

Speaker 1 In what way?

Speaker 1 Well, I'm saying, you know, you could. He could.
Okay, how about that? You could. Okay.
Don't fuck your cousin, though. That's your mom.
So they say.

Speaker 1 So they say. Yeah, that's what you think.
So they say. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's interesting. And he just found that out.
To me, if she carried him. I wouldn't want to know that information whatsoever.

Speaker 1 I don't think so either. I wouldn't want to.
Well, I'm also not going to fuck any of my family members. So I don't need to be like, don't fuck your cousin.
That could be your mom. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's never been a problem. Well, you know, I watched that show Long Lost Family.
Yeah. Are there a lot of cousin fuckers on that show?

Speaker 1 No, but there's a lot of like, you know, one girl, this is an interesting one. This is not even that funny, but I have to tell you anyway.
Please.

Speaker 1 There was a girl that was like, when she was 19, she got in a fight with her mom and she found out that her dad wasn't her dad. Yeah, I mean, that happens constantly.
Right.

Speaker 1 So then she like got some, you know, genetic.

Speaker 1 Genetic testing. Yeah, 23andMe and all that stuff.
Right. And she couldn't find her real biological dad.
She had

Speaker 1 her mom basically said one night in the 60s, I was at a pizza joint and there was a guy that worked at the pizza plant. You fuck the guy in the pizza joint? Yeah, and then that's your dad.

Speaker 1 That's awesome. It's awesome, right? Yeah.
So through the show. That's why your name's Pepperoni.

Speaker 1 So through the show, this is cool, right? So what she does for a living, right, is she has like,

Speaker 1 she rescues animals. Okay.
Right. That's what she does for

Speaker 1 her.

Speaker 1 So now she's in her 40s and she contacts her. So they find the guy.
No, the pizza guy. He's still working there.
No.

Speaker 1 He is in charge of the Oregon, like animal conservation. Animal lovers.
Right. So she goes to see her dad and they do the same thing.
Yeah, they do the same exact thing. That's cutie pie shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. That is cutie pie shit.
Yeah, that's what that shows about. It's cool when you see that.
Like, it's like it was in the blood. It was in the DNA.
Right. That's that's nature, not nurture.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I love this.
Next. Let's move on.

Speaker 1 We have so much stuff planned for you guys on the Patreon. So you sign up at

Speaker 1 patreon.com slash bad friends. That's right.
Patreon.com slash bad friends. Sign up with us today.
What is this?

Speaker 1 I sent it to you. No.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Let me ask you to pause that.
Okay. I don't like that part.
He's kicking him. Why does he kick him? Oh, yeah.
That's not a real kicking.

Speaker 1 But that, right? Who would win? Him or Brad Williams?

Speaker 1 I think him, he's a black belt. That's true.
But would you, I would give anything to see that fight. 100%.
Now, let me ask you something. Be honest.
Be truly honest. Yeah.
Me versus that guy. Him.

Speaker 1 Black belt.

Speaker 1 I would fuck that guy up.

Speaker 1 I would just beat him just by submission. Fuck him up.
I'd beat him by submitting.

Speaker 1 What are the rules? You can't jump over him.

Speaker 1 You got to stay in front of me all all the time.

Speaker 1 You gotta stay in front of me.

Speaker 1 I have to be on my knees. You have to fight underneath.
No, dude. Yeah.
No, that's not, well, then you'd win. No shit.
But if I gotta use my arms.

Speaker 1 You just asked me.

Speaker 1 Can I do like a Muay Thai kick to his face? It's gotta be a fair fight. Oh, that's not.
Well, then then, then, yeah. Then you're done.
Yeah. Wait a minute.
Google this.

Speaker 1 Have you seen the fucking swimmer who set the record with no arms? Oh, yeah. This Asian guy? Do you not know about this? I feel like that's cheating, but go ahead.
This is insane.

Speaker 1 He set a fucking world record.

Speaker 1 Chinese swimmer with no arms. No arms.
He uses his head to touch the wall. You know, when he's like, when he's instead of your arm out? Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 He's known as the armless flying fish in China because of his performance. Yeah, but does he use an apparatus? No.

Speaker 1 A motor? Yeah. Yeah, I mean,

Speaker 1 he just holds on it with his mouth.

Speaker 1 I mean, is he replacing his arms with anything? No. He's just bobbing.

Speaker 1 Show a different video of him swimming. You have to see.
And he can beat people with arms. He smokes them.
He doesn't beat them. He smokes them.
Dude, he did the fucking, not the butterfly, but

Speaker 1 Chinese no-arm swimmer. Why are you laughing at that? Obliterates.
Look at this. The butterfly.

Speaker 1 It's a little wing. It's just a little wing.
It's all little wings. Yeah, yeah.
Oh, he can do it with those nuts. No, okay, freestyle.
Obviously, freestyle.

Speaker 1 It's all shoulder. Now, watch this.
Yeah, go ahead. Watch what this guy fucking says.
I know, but it's a pause there. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right, so that's what it is. Watch how fast he swims.
Okay, let's go. This is going to blow your mind.

Speaker 1 What if he just sinks to the bottom? I know.

Speaker 1 Okay, look.

Speaker 1 Watch. Watch.
Where is he?

Speaker 1 You'll be able to tell in seconds. Look at him.
No arms. He's so fast.
Oh, he's so fast, dude. Well, no one else is using their arms.
Look at him. He's cruising.
Look at his head.

Speaker 1 He's bobbing just above the water there. He's getting it.
Which one is it? He's that one in the one in the lead. He's murdering him.
Oh, he's murdering him. And he uses his head to hit the water.

Speaker 1 Chris pause for a second. Can I just say something?

Speaker 1 Let me just say something. And I'm not ripping on the guy.
It sounds like you're going to be. I know, but this is one competition where no one's using their arms.

Speaker 1 No, that's not true. Some people have arms.
No, no one's using them. Go back to the beginning.
No, no one's using that. Yes, they are.
Go back to the short legs only. Look, look, look.

Speaker 1 Go back to the very beginning. Please start.
Look, see, there's a guy with arms right there. I know there.
I know, but the thing swim is no arm. It's armless.
So it's freestyle.

Speaker 1 So they are using, some of them are using their arms. Point to one guy that's using his arms.
I'm not trying to be a dick, but. Press play.
Go ahead. Now watch.
Watch that guy. Swim with his arms.
No.

Speaker 1 Okay, go ahead. Those guys are swimming with their arms right there.
Oh, yeah, you're right. Just thinking about that.
Yeah, he is using his arms. You're right.

Speaker 1 The only guys that aren't using their arms are the guys with no arms. Wait, all three of them have no arms? Yes.
And he's beating all of them. He's especially beating the guy with arms.

Speaker 1 Can I just say that this is not an Olympic thing, though?

Speaker 1 This is like, hey, anybody?

Speaker 1 Hey, you know how to swim. This is the Paralympics.
I bought another swim in my life. It's the Python.
Come on. You have arms? Yeah.
And that's what this is. Paralympic.
Oh, it's the Paralympics? Yes.

Speaker 1 Well, then, yeah.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? Everyone has something. I don't know what the other guys have with the arms.
This guy would smoke you.

Speaker 1 Maybe they don't have abdomens or something. Of course, they have abdomens.

Speaker 1 Okay, the worst para underwater. Look at him.
Look at this underwater view.

Speaker 1 Carlos, I swear to fuck. Carlos, I swear to God, dude.
Look at his head is just like coasting right above the water. In the water, though.
I feel like he's using his tongue.

Speaker 1 You gotta use

Speaker 1 a lot of blinking.

Speaker 1 Everything. You have to use everything.
Yeah. You sucking water in his ass?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I like that this show is dark. It's so weird.
That's great for him. It's good for this guy.
You got to celebrate this kind of guy. But you know when he wins, you know what you can't do? Tie five him.

Speaker 1 You have the nub five. Those are

Speaker 1 close. And nub them.
For a nub five? Nub them, baby. Hey, good job.

Speaker 1 All right, okay. Dark.
Dark. So dark.
Fun.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend. That was a fun episode.