Rudy & the Cat Vomit Drama

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You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

A white dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Ladies and gentlemen.

So stupid.

Guess who's back?

Brown and she's cockroachy.

Hey, listen.

Let me say something to you, okay?

When I pay you money when I go out of town, okay?

And you say you're going to get cleaning supplies, right? And you get no cleaning supplies. Do I get some of my money back? I'm going to buy it tonight.
Yeah, but you had a whole weekend to do it, right? Because when I came in, there's vomit all over my house. Cat vomit all over the house.
You're lying. I swear to God.
I went yesterday and I cleaned all of it. Oh, so in the last 12 hours, vomit City.
Yeah, they had a cat rave Yeah, I went last night and I cleaned the whole house really yeah, because there's fucking cat litter all over the house as well What do you mean what do you mean what do i mean and also

you come in here and you go is this a skateboard and i go to the time machine it's a skateboard obviously you lost your mind you gotta need therapy you need to get some rest too much school for you is that a skateboard no oh rudy rudy sorry what cleaning supplies were you supposed to get at the house?

Soap, soap, dish soap.

Dish soap, two soaps.

Soap, soap, soap, soap.

No, sorry. What cleaning supplies were you supposed to get at the house? Soap, soap, dish soap.

Soap, two soaps.

Soap, soap, soap, soap.

No, no, in Philippines, soap soap is one soap.

Soap, soap?

You know what soap soap in Cebuano?

Soap soap in Cebuano.

Let me ask you something.

You're questioning a white man what soap is?

Soap soap.

Soap soap.

Oh, my bad.

Soap soap.

Sorry.

Not soap.

Let me guess. Oh, soup soup.
Oh, it's bat soup? No. No, it's lobster bisque and French onion.
No. Soup soap.
Right? In one bowl. Two part one.
It's not a food. It's like what you, it's like an action.
Soup soap. Oh, I know what it is.
Why? It's when you stab somebody with a machete. No.
Soup soap. Soup.
No soap. No.
Just sop. Yeah.
One soap, one soap.

It's an action.

Soap, soap.

Soap, soap.

Soap, soap.

Not sop, sop.

Soap, soap.

Soap, soap.

Oh, jumping jacks.

No.

Soap, soap, soap, soap, soap.

That doesn't sound like it.

No?

No, no, no.

Jump rope.

It's an action.

No, it's jump rope.

Oh.

Soap, soap, soap, soap.

I get it.

It's not.

It's not. It's an action, Bob.
Is it an action Oh it's fucking You know how You know how Close to it You're close to it I know Oh it's going down On someone Soap It's a thick dick Loose vagina Soap Soap Yeah Soap It's an echo Yeah There's an echo there It's eating ass Cause somebody goes Oh this needs soap soap What is it? No no no We gotta find it on our own We gotta find it on our own Well she said an action And it's close to sex It's close to sex So in the Philippines Soap soap means Is um Soap soap Oh when you suck tits When you suck tits No, no Soap, soap, soap, soap, soap, soap Sucking, yeah Sucking and sucking See, I'm close You do it You already guessed it Sucking Sucking tits Soap, soap No, is soap really sucking tits? Sucking It's just sucking Soap, soap Why is it twice? I don't know What, does it have to be sexual? Could it be like I always use like chicken fingers? Like if I'm eating chicken fingers, are you soap soap? You're not sucking chicken fingers. You don't suck chicken fingers.
How do you eat chicken fingers? You suck the juices from the fucking bone. What? First of all, you're talking about chicken wings.
Chicken fingers are boneless. You're getting bone filled chicken strips? Yes.
I request it. I go put the bone back in.
When you get chicken fingers, you want bone-in chicken fingers. Can I say something? Yeah.
They don't like it. There it is.
That girl's sulping. Yeah, they rolled their eyes.
And I got to tell you something, Patreon fans. So happy that you joined.
Yeah. You know? Let's climb this road together.
Let's get unlimited, unfiltered content like this. We're going to spit on Rudy on three.
One, two, three. Anyway.
Sup, sup. Sup, sup.
Good. Are you happy to be back here, Rudy Jules? Yeah.
You better be. How about you come? By the way, speaking of returning, I texted Doc the other night.
Oh, wow. Well, he texted me, actually.
Oh, great. He saw something on Instagram, maybe.
About the aliens? No, it's funny. It wasn't alien-based, but I thought it was.
No, he texted me something that we posted on the gram or something. Bad? No, no, no.
We gotta be positive with that. No, no, no.
It was good. It was good.
I promise it was good. But I'll show you exactly what it was.
Doc, our old friend Doc, who's a busy, busy man. He said, oh, yeah.
It was a picture of the I'm Bobby Mom tattoo that went around the internet. You've seen this? Yeah, I've seen it.
The guy got it? Yeah. And he loved it.
And he said, I've been great, fam. Working at Amazon till 2 p.m.
And this was late at night, I think. Uh-huh.
And I said, you're hustling hard. He said, I'll see you soon, fam.
Love you. Gotta go.
Talk to you. And that was it.
And then I said, Doc, miss you. And he wrote, nah,ling hard He said I'll see you soon fam love you gotta go Talk to you and that was it And then I said doc miss you And he wrote nah fam He said nah? No he didn't say that But we do miss our little doc But why did you just say that? I mean you made it seem like there was gonna be some way To get him back into the team I just wanted to tickle you a little bit It's like don't get my mouth watering I'm trying all right i'm trying because you know what the one i'm gonna do if i see him what soup soup i'm gonna soup soup all day long dude i'm happy that you're back rudy you're uh you're you've graduated in life how old are you now 21 21 she's been with the same guy now for over a year gross right so she's monogamous but you're not living with him no no And there's no chance they're monogamous.
These 21-year-old kids, they're little rabbits. They're fucking everything they talk to.
Are you sleeping outside the relationship? No. She's not sleeping.
Oh, soap soap. Soap soap.
She's soap soaping. Yeah, other guys.
How's school going, though? Is it good, though? The relationship with him is good? Yeah. What's his name again? Joey? Joey, yeah.'s Joey Good Joey's good he's a pharmacist Pharmacy tech Okay oh can he get us some pills Yeah yeah wait I'm being serious Can he because I actually need muscle relaxers I need oxycontin My back is bad again fentanyl and oxycontin Can we get fentanyl oxycontin and Muscle relaxers I'll ask him I love it that you ask For real drugs And I'm like Can I get Advil free How hard is it though If you work at a pharmacy So easy As a tech Easy I don't think so He hates it Why He hates drugs Because of the people Like customer service Oh well yeah Have you seen the people Have you been in line At a CVS late at night I'll leave It's literally thriller Yeah It's like Yeah just old.
They're just old. I'm here for my medication.
Their teeth are falling out. Yeah.
Dude, it's the scare. Being in line at a Walgreens or CVS late at night waiting for a prescription, it makes me feel like I'm in Carlos's dreams.
You know what I mean? Can I just say something elitist? Please. You know how sometimes I say elitist things? Never.
It's like, I hate it when they quam over. You see this in a pharmacy line always.
Yeah. About a dollar or two.
Well, this coupon and my insurance, $2. You know, you charged me two extra dollars.
They sure did, yeah. Yeah, but don't you just go, ah, fuck it.
If it's a dollar. Yeah, so when would you complain? How much money? $2.
Be real. Well, I'll tell you this.
I had a prescription change. And this was insane.
It went from like $1 a pill to $4.85 a pill. Now, when everything adds up, that's a shitload of money.
Oh, I see. So that's what it is.
It's not like the whole thing is a dollar more. It's per pill.
It's like per medication. That's when it gets insane.
But what I'm asking you is like if you're buying a car, for instance, and the car is like $80,000. I know you would never do that.
That's a little pricey. I know you would never do that.
Let's say $40,000. $40,000.
Okay, $40,000. $40,000.
I'm buying a $40,000. And then you do it through your accountant.
You have an accountant, right? Business manager. A business manager, right? And then you see later down the road your receipt, right? And they charge you $40,685.
What was the extra $685? You have no idea. It doesn't say.
What is it? It just doesn't say. You're my business manager.
What is it? Well, Mr. Santino.
Just call me Andrew. I've known you for 12 years.
Why are you doing that? Because I embezzled from you, so I have to call you Mr. Santino.
You stole $685? Well, no, it's a ghost. It's ghost money.
Oh, so it doesn't... It's an old term, you know what I mean? In terms of accountants.
This is a money term. It's a money term.
It's called ghost money. I get it.
I'm out of bounds. Yeah, you're out of bounds.
And so there's sometimes, you know what I mean, money, right? Yeah. That is invisible to you.
Right. But visible to my bank account.
You understand? I can't see it, but you do. I see it definitely.
This makes a lot of sense. Well, it's no longer there.
Oh, so it's yours. Well, I went to Thailand.
Yeah, I went to Thailand. Yeah.
Okay. So it's some woman's.
Okay. it's some woman's okay but my point though being some woman yeah but would you be mad at for that much 85 685 i'd want to know where it went and if it was if it was ghost money what would happen i'd have a little bit of a dispute i would be upset if you told me 65 you if you told me this and it became something be mad.
Well, what about this? Well, it's tax purposes. Oh, it's for taxes.
Yeah, there's like tire tax. Well, I haven't paid taxes in a long time.
No, in the car. Oh, oh.
When you buy a car, you pay for the rubber. Yeah.
The tire tax, right? Yeah. And there's transmission tax.
I've never heard of this before. It's new.
Let me Google it right now. It's a Biden thing.
I'm gonna Google it. It's a Biden thing.
Hold on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
look at that yeah joe biden implements tire tax and transmission transmission taxes well transmission taxes because you know what he's all about i know well let me tell you something about stolen money what i just watched something on the history channel here we go about the most corrupt dictator of all time in the philippines boom boom marcos you know about this piece of shit do you know about ferdin marcos do you know about ferdinand marcos i know about the dirty no do it the dirty is different who's worse that dirty boom boom no marcos marcos dude this guy is worse than the dirty for not bong bong no no ferdinand marcos ferdinand marcos who's bong bong bong is his son that's his kid all right all right bong bong is his son bing bong is his brother is there a soup soup the uh sup sup is Is there a this guy was a genius by the way this piece of him and his family they i mean terrible people while people in philippines in the 80s were living in abject poverty this fucking scumbag literally stole hundreds of millions of dollars they think maybe billions from the people the the filipino people that he

stole from japanese hidden gold bars in the caves of the philippines during the war and this motherfucker who's that lady that's his wife is that boom boom that's it that looks like a boom that's been beam that's been yeah that's been being bbap bap is in the coffin it's that's yeah Oh he died

That's Bop

That's Bim and Bop

No the guy that we're talking about died

Yeah he's dead

They're dead Yeah, that's Beam Beam. Beam Beam Bop.
Bep is in the coffin. That's Beam Beam Bop.
Oh, he died?

That's Bop.

That's Beam Beam and Bop. No, the guy that we're talking about died.

Yeah, he's dead.

They're dead.

Yeah, they're dead.

Are you upset about it?

No, she's happy.

They were evil, right?

They were bad.

You weren't even around.

But I watched this whole thing.

This fucking genius, this evil genius,

his brother or uncle was the judge

that allowed Cruz to start digging

to hunt for this missing gold genius. And he was like, like oh there's all these guys that are digging for fucking gold he's like perfect when they find it we'll either kill them or imprison them and then we'll just take it all so they did every time someone went down they were like oh he went missing and then they would just steal all look at this look at these gold bars that they would find in these caves well okay so that Okay, so that was...
Here's what you do. Yeah, what?

You know what to do.

What?

First of all, if I was one of the guys...

Which one, though?

No, I'm not Boom Boom or any of those.

I'm a guy that's...

You're a little Filipino.

I'm a hunter.

You're a hunter.

A Filipino that's got...

I'm a lamb herder.

Yeah, at best.

What do you mean?

Lamb singular.

You don't have more than one.

I know, but that's what I do for a living.

Yeah, lamb...

I'm a lamb herder.

I look at the fucking Filipino Express. Right.
Which is their local newspaper. Correct.
Right? And I go, you know what I mean? Gold bar hunter. Wanted.
You're signing up. Well, I would.
False name. What would your name be? Jackson Jackson.
Whoa. Well, they go boom boom.
You know what I mean? So I got to go Jackson Jackson. Soup all makes sense.
So I'm Jackson, Jackson, right? Yeah. And then I'd probably do something with my face.
What? I'd just put mud on it or whatever. No, no, no.
What? Not in this ear. I don't think you can mud up your face over there.
What do you mean? You can't do like browner face. That's not brown face.
That's mud face. Mud face.
Mud face is different than brown face. Because they're, let me say something you're the mud from the philippines is lighter oh so i'm more white mud what why do you need mud i want to change the way i look i'm jackson jackson now the lighter mud is that why is that i don't know let's say that right lighter mud not that that's too dark so listen let me tell you something me tell you something You think you're gonna get employed To go hunt for gold What skills do you offer Here listen I am the guy This is my confidant and I Right Okay I'm Chip Chip Yeah yeah And that's Chop Chop Yeah yeah And we're looking for gold hunters So tell us your qualifications Oh my god What are your qualifications I come in Ask him what his qualifications are Hello Do it in Sibonese Or whatever the fuck it is Oh Jackson Jackson? It's my lamb Excuse me I brought my lamb That can't be in here What? No my lamb Take that outside I'm a lamb herder Put that What? I'm Jackson Jackson I'm a lamb herder Huh? I'm a a lamb herder.
I lamb, one lamb. He's hurting lamb.
He's hurting lamb. That's what I do, but leaping.
And that's why I want to have this job because I make no monies. Okay.
I'm sorry. Hold on, let my constituent talk to you.
Soup soup, leap. Oh, you suck the lamb? Oh shit.
You dirty fucking pig. I'm kidding.
I feel like... Are you Shoup Shoup the Lamb? I feel like I'm getting accused of something that I didn't know to do.
Oh, you did. Okay.
It sounds like you... I come sitting here for a job.
First of all, you accused me of sucking my lamb? You said it to the lamb. I heard you Shoup Shoup the Lamb.
That's your name. Oh, you called him Shoup Shoup.
Yes. Oh.
What the fuck? What the fuck is going on around here? All right. My constituent wants to ask you...
Shoup Shoup, get the fuck out, right You're going around here Alright my constituent Wants to ask you Susu get the fuck out Right Okay Hold on let him leave Let him leave Let him leave Now Holy honey Now Leave leave leave All right He gone He gone What's going on Go ahead What's going on What's going on? Go ahead. Go on.
What's going on? What's going on? Jackson, Jackson. Yes.
Are you Chinese? No. Are you a man? You ever seen? You ever seen? Why do you sound Chinese? What? Why are you yelling at me? Are you Filipino? I am Filipino.
Real Filipino. Of course, I'm real Filipino.
Who's your mom? Look at my skin. Who's your mom? My, what? Who's your mom? Mon Mung Dupree.

Do you know Mon Mung Dupree?

I do.

Does she know Mon Mung Dupree?

I know her.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, she do one sheep.

She lives in the tree.

I have one lamb.

She lives in the tree with one sheep.

Mon Mung Dupree who lives in the tree.

Yeah, anyway.

There's a child song about it. And by the way, she don't suck on the sheep.

By the way, I know you can accuse of my mama

while sucking on sheep.

I only suck on lamb, okay?

So fuck you.

Okay, hey, hey.

Hey, fuck you too.

You're trying to get a job.

Oh, sorry.

Slow down.

I'm sorry.

Go ahead.

Okay.

Ma'am, go ahead.

There it is.

Nice.

Go ahead. Okay.
Can I call you auk Juk Uh oh Let me ask you something Wait you You wanna change my name From Jackson Jackson The Juk Juk Why So I can hire you And I can Remember your name You can't memorize Jackson Jackson Holy shit Don't question her holiness By the way Don't question her holiness I'm gonna go Because there's another Gold hunting No You stay Stay There's another Gold hunting That I went earlier And they accept my name Jackson Jackson No Stay Stay Okay Okay Yes You're hired Good thank you Wow That fast No skill nothing No I'm blind You'm blind, right? That's why I have the fucking lamb. He's my, you know, seeing lamb.
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Seeing eye, Lamb. No, see eye.
Seeing lamb eye. Seeing lamb eye.
That's what I just said. Right, it's backwards.
Fuck you. Sorry, you're right.
You think that I don't know how to speak my own language. I apologize.
So anyway, I get that. Fancy's glasses are fogging up again.
Yeah. So what I would do is, can I get out of Jackson Jackson? No, no.
What? Stay. Stay, stay, stay, stay.
This is who you are now. You're Jackson Jackson, baby.
I don't want to stay Jackson Jackson. All right.
So anyway. What would you really do? Check it out.
Check it out. Well, here's what I would do.
So I would go in there and lie to these people, right? Yeah. Because I knew there would be murdering going on.
Of course. Right? Yeah.
Because Tanya Tanya, my cousin. She got killed.
Yeah. Fredrick Fredrick.
Fredrick Fredrick killed. Fredrick Fredrick got killed.
They all got killed. What? Yeah, and my mom in the tree.

My mom in the tree.

Oh, no, don't tell me. Yeah, yeah, she told me.

Yeah.

They die.

Oh, no.

They get murdered when they find the gold.

That's why she's in the tree.

They can't get her up there.

So you know what I would say?

I would look up at the tree and go,

Mom, check, Mama, Mimi Jackson Jackson,

check it out, right?

And I'm going to lift up my leg like this, right?

And then she's going to, What happened to your leg It's gone Right And I go Prosthetic And she's like Ah So I'll find When I find the gold I find one bar Stuff it in your leg I stuff it in the leg Yeah And then I walk out of the whatever the fucking, you know what I mean, the cave or whatever. So you only want one bar.
And I'd be like, I'm blind, I can't see, no cold. Where's your sheep? What? Where's the sheep? Check it out, dude.
Look at his leg. Look at his leg, dude.
Prosthetic. Yeah.
There's gotta be small bar. Little baby bars of gold? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Little sheep leg bars ofetic Yeah There's gotta be small bar

Little baby bars of gold?

Yeah, yeah, yeah

Little sheep-like bars of gold?

There's gotta be a little one

Maybe

And he's just like

He's bummed

Well, you know what

Because it's heavy

The guards will see it, though

They'll go

He walked funny

They'll see the sheep walking funny

No, no, no

Because they don't like

Sheep shaming there

Read the culture

There's no sheep shaming

There's no sheep shaming

Read the culture right

In the Philippines

What about you?

They'll see you're walking funny

They'll go

Why, you're like

Thank you. sheep shaming shaming there.
Read the culture. There's no sheep shaming? There's no sheep shaming.
Read the culture, right, in the Philippines. What about you? They'll say you're walking funny.
They'll go, why are you like... Oh, excuse me? Look, I would take the fucking prosthetic out.
You'd show them the goals? No. The goals in the...
They're not gonna look inside. Sure they will.
Filipino fucking cave guards. Cave guards? What do you think they're doing? You don't know.
They're not TSA. Bro, you think I'm getting my fucking leg, my fucking prosthetic leg from America? I made it.
Well, that is definitely not going to work. It is.
You better get it from China. My thinking is this, dude.
Yeah. They are going to look in it.
Yeah, they're going to look right in it. Right, so you do an optical illusion.
Obviously. Mirrors.
Right, Carl. obviously mirrors Obviously obviously Like a swirl

Oh, yeah, you stare at a swirl in the center of the thing right?

Yeah, they look away

What are you talking about magic eye you put a magic eye

Yeah, yeah, and they're gonna be like, oh, what's going on? Everything's so boring. I think you got this all figured out.
I know, dude. We should put you in a time machine.
I know, dude. Don't you have a time machine right there? Yeah.
You got a time machine right here, dude. Good.
I can't, dude. We should go jump on that.
From Apple, dude. Yeah.
People think there's gold in the Philippines. You know this, right? In the caves.
Really? I don't know. Well, here genuinely i'm not lying at all what are they called the lily maps look up lily maps philippines i think it's called oh yeah yeah yamashira's gold yamashita's gold this is insane oh look at that i would love authentic look at that first guy general yamashita was convicted of war crimes this guy right god what a piece of shit dude look at him he well wait a minute wait a minute garbage human he got convicted of war crimes during the truman era that typically takes years to get they convicted this guy boom overnight yeah you know why why to get to the fucking gold oh we were all trying to get to the fucking gold it was everybody was on like every country was goonies we were all trying to get to the fucking gold and basically go up yama shida uh yama what is this general yama shida yeah read it right dude yama shida oh that's yeah general yama shida that's i read tomoyuki yeah that's his first name but general yama shida the wild shit about this fucking guy was they put him on trial and they convicted him on the day on the anniversary of pearl harbor obviously not a coincidence yeah and when he was on trial they have video footage and it's crazy to see his face because he's almost like smiling when they're like reading off the list of crimes he didn't do any of them his soldiers carried out a bunch of crimes yeah but when you tell your hey no he didn't that's the thing is like he didn't say anything he didn't instruct them to do the things that he's convicted of.
Like what? I mean, it was like torture and all this shit. His like troops were none of the people that did all the war crimes.
But they were like, we got to get this guy. He's the plug.
He knew where the gold was. He was like a woke guy.
Yep. Right.
So you would see his guys torturing. If you look at a picture.
And he would go, no torture. No, no, no.
Stop. Stop.
Stop. All right.
No red. no red look at a picture okay finish he has an lgbtq pin on in that photo yes look at him right there that's the lgbtq flag right there right on his chest whoa dude he's so woke look at his collar look what it says yeah acab all cops are bad yeah and he's got a blm shirt that he wears underneath that i'm telling you dude this guy this was like the, so when a Japanese soldier went to like a Filipino guy, right, or whatever, and goes, hey, what are you doing there? Or, you know what I mean? Who are you? Or where did he go? He goes, they.
They. Not he.
They. He corrected people.
He knew. He was ahead of his time.
Whoa. But apparently this guy's homies Told everybody where the gold was And they convicted this guy And there's still gold in the caves Today We gotta find it Let's go And you're our guy You're the guy You know What caves? Lily Maps Look up Lily Maps Is what it's called But do you know what region? No I don't know Well then you gotta then you got to fucking Google it, dude.
We got to get to this fucking goal, dude. I want it so bad.
But maybe Bong Bong Marcos already knows and like. Yeah, that's a thing.
But they say the maps are still out there to find. I want to find a treasure map so bad.
But what if they're saying they're still out there, but they already have it and they want to see us see us out there and they laugh about it that's funny that's a great tourist trap right that's funny that's like look at them sweating out yeah like like that's like people taking tours on hollywood boulevard that's their hollywood boulevard that's their star what's that down there what's that photo let me see oh that's a map oh sorry mccone by the way i learned show him what town he's from look at this the town he's from Faggy? Fagliesville Fagliesville is that really your town? he's from Fagliesville do you not know that? no what does it say underneath it though? Fagliesville this is Pennsylvania not Minnesota you're lying I was talking to Joe DeRosa on the phone today he literally is by he's like he may be gonna move back to near where he's from Pennsylvania and I'm scrolling through the map onlvania i come across fagliesville why not change this at some point why would you leave fagliesville as your town oh like fagly town yeah fagly city fagly city fagly area yeah yeah that's cool that's good fagliesville yeah i want to know more about fagliesville why you're obsessed with fagliesville what if i go what if i do you just want to say fagly all the time what's your problem with The way you're saying it? Are you bigoted against Fagliesville What if I go? What if I move? I think you just want to say Fagly all the time What's your problem with Fagliesville? The way you're saying it Are you bigoted against Fagliesville? No, I'm not What do you have against the citizens and I of Fagliesville? I don't have against the people I just have the way you're saying it This is how you say it Fagly I said Fagliesville You go Fagliesville Get back into the closet Fagliesville No dude say it right Fagliesville That's better Welcome to Fagliesville In colonial times a great quantity of pig iron From Warwick Furnace Was hauled over what became Fagliesville Road Wait zoom in I need to read this But say it in an accent in a gay accent no it's fancy gay and fancy in colonial times a great quantity of pig iron from warwick furnace hold over what became fagliesville road to the large maybury forge at green lane where the iron was refined was refined and formed into bar iron and nail rod blacksmiths could use. By the way, they loved all those terms.
Iron, nail, blacksmith. Put an adjective before blacksmith.
I think it's written wrong. Go ahead.
Just start with forge at Green Lane. Go ahead.
Forge at Green Lane Where the iron was refined

And formed into bar iron

And nail rod

That blacksmiths could use

For its touch

I didn't think it was going to be that

You gotta beep that out

But keep it in

Beep it out

But keep it in

Beep it

Beep it

Fagliesville takes its name

From the descendants

Of Hans Heinrich Vogeli

Of Swiss descent

And born in 16 Oh, God. Beep it out, but keep it in.
Beep it. Beep it, yeah.
Fagliesville takes its name from the descendants of Hans Heinrich Vogeli,

of Swiss descent and born in 1684 in Germany.

We got to find him.

We got to put Hans George Fagli.

That's the guy we have to fucking Google.

We got to find that guy.

What does he look like?

Well, he's dead.

He was born in 1733.

There's got to be a photo.

There's got to be a photo of Hans George Fagli.

Well, get me a picture of that.

Bring him a photo of this Fagli. Yeah.
Oh, it's Vogue-ly. What? Vogue-ly.
Vogue-ly. No, go back to Google Hans George Fagley.
There's nobody? No, there is. There's got to be There's got to be a guy.
Where is a photo of this guy? Yeah. There he is.
Zoom in. Zoom in.
He looks like a white supremacist he was from Germany the world council of churches there's the guy look at him what is he saying there Bob what is he saying in that meeting I love pussy that's what he's saying yeah right Faxley I love it the middle of the meeting yeah be honest with us fagsley what's been going on with you rude tell me what the deal is in life i want to know wait i have a question first before there we go here we go here we go you know this always goes who is who is that behind you who oh who the little that little guy The AI created that. Look at this.
This is me if I lived in India, and that's Bobby if he lived in India. Literally, a fan gave it to us.
I created it from AI. That is exactly what he looks like if he was an Indian citizen.
That's me. Bollywood star.
You want us to do one of you? No. Yes, yes, yes.
And see what happens? Yes, yes, yes. And see what fucking happens can't She's not famous enough to We'd have to get a picture for the AI To run through like this guy No no we'll find that Figure it out Alright let's do it Okay You got a lot of nerve talking about him Yeah yeah Talking shit And you know that's me That doesn't look like you That's what's rude about what you just did You knew what was me What have you been doing Before What I asked you Before you asked a question What's been going on in life Okay I went to the strip club And I discovered That I'm lesbian Whoa That's so stupid Did you tell your boyfriend You're a lesbian Did you tell your boyfriend You're a lesbian You're not a lesbian Okay bye You're not bye Let me ask you some questions Oh conservative dad Yeah man Ask you some questions Cause you seem You're not like my daughter I raised you Right So when you look at a vagina I'm like What Amazed by it And like I just wanna go inside Is it better than yours Whoa You love it You love it Yeah cause like In the strip club I could see everything First of all Was it full nude Cause there was no booze In California if it's full nude it's no alcohol In Hawaii Oh Hawaii there's no rules When were you in Hawaii When you were there Three weeks ago You were there I wasn't When you were there.
Three weeks ago, you were there. I wasn't there.
You were there. Yeah, you were there.
You didn't go to the strip club, but you were there. I didn't go to the strip club.
Was that the strip club? Yeah. No, I wasn't.
You weren't. Yeah, thank you.
You weren't. Wait a minute.
Was I at the strip club? How does this game work? Was I there? No. No.
I was not there. You weren't.
No, I don't do that shit. So tell me.
You go to the strip club club You don't have a lot of money So did somebody give you money? Kalilah I think Kalilah Auntie Kalilah gave you how much? Like this much What? You don't know how much this is? Yeah It's just a stack of ones? Mm-hmm So you walk in There's no door fee Right? You sit down Do you get a lap dance? How do you do a strip club? How does a 21 yearyear-old girl do a strip club? I just kept yelling. Were you just yelling at the women? Like when they were dancing? Nice pushing! Not like that.
No? Give me something. I'm dancing.
Okay. Okay, go.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Are you getting stabbed? I'm not backing up. That's way too much.

Let me bring you to the stage.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen.

Ladies and gentlemen, coming to the stage.

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So wait a minute. You would just yell.
Were you also throwing dollars? Were you making it rain? Yeah. So you spent all your money? Mm-hmm.
And did you get a lap dance? She put her boobs in my face. They do that, yeah.
Whoa. It's one of their things.
Insane. That's a move.
Yeah. And she jiggled it.
Yeah, you get a little milkshake. Yeah.
It was like I was in heaven. What kind of milkshake? Was it vanilla or chocolate? Chocolate.
Chocolate milkshake, yeah. Much better, aren't they? Yeah.
Yeah. I went to one.
So when me and Kalilah broke up, I went to one. I went to a rage.
I went to a rage strip club. In a rage.
What does that mean? Just with money. In a rage.
Oh, irresponsible vibe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just in a rage. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Just old timey money. Like the Monopoly man.
Yeah, and it was like a disturbing human experience. Why? I went to the Seventh Vale.
Here? Why'd you make that face? Why would you go to that place is gross. I haven't been to them.
Dude, when I drive past it, I go like this. I know.
It freaks me out. Yeah.
It looks so sad. It's inside of a motel.
Yeah, I know. What the fuck are you doing? And when you walk in With wads of cash Old timey Oh my god They're like

They get rabid

They're like

Put in your teeth girls

He's here

So anyway

I went

I don't wanna

Talk about this girl

Cause I don't wanna

Break her heart

Well you shouldn't

Just talk about the

Don't talk about

Someone specific

Okay

But somebody

How long ago was this

By the way?

A year ago maybe

Ah talk about it

Really?

It's a long time

She probably's not there

Yeah

And she was

I can't

I can't. Oh, please, Bob.
She's not there anymore, probably. It's what she did.
I can't talk about this. What did she do? What? I know what she did.
She wasn't attractive really that much, but she was a huge fan. You know what what I mean You know how sometimes they're up there and they go I love bad friends And already in your head you're thinking Well maybe that's the one Even though you're not attracted to them Because maybe they'll do extra And then she violently Played with my penis Hard? Violently Over the jeans? No You're like no It was out You pulled it out No she did She just pulled out your penis I was wearing sweatpants And just started yanking at you Yeah yeah yeah I thought you couldn't do that Oh 97th fail my friend Unfortunately You can't do that You can't do that Yeah Unfortunately they can't That's insane It was insane

I've had it offered

I was in San Francisco

Has that ever happened to you?

I was in San Francisco

With my buddy

Yeah

And we went to a real

Real dicey joint

In Chinatown

And the girl

Was

I don't know

75

Maybe

Pounds?

No late

She was age

Maybe 75

Oh shit

I think the young ones were 60

I think those are the young bucks

Right

But this woman

Was an older experienced woman

And literally

Was like

Thank you. She was age, maybe 75.
Oh, shit. I think the young ones were 60.
I think those are the young bucks. Right, right.
But this woman was an older experienced woman

and literally was like, booth?

And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's like the VIP, you know?

No, no, she goes, booth.

Like this.

Booth.

Oh, spit.

Well, spit jerk.

That's probably more money.

Spit jerk, yeah.

Because someone just don't do the spit.

Yeah, dry jerk.

Take a booth.

Yeah.

And some of you, booth. Yeah.
Offer me both. Offer me the first one.
All right. Huh? Boot.
Oh, no, thank you. I'm okay.
They do this then. Yeah, they finger up.
Hold on. I can't put any of these gestures.
Wait, why? Why? Oh, we'll get banned? Fuck me. Oh, my God.
So you have to explain it again without the gestures Maybe you should take out the Seven Veiled Mead Jean and jerk it off. Maybe.
Yeah, take that off. Yeah.
Let's get away from it. Let's get away from the...
Yeah, from porno stuff. Porno stuff is bad stuff.
They don't like it on the YouTubes. It's just the motion.
The motion they... Jerking off motion.
Yeah, for some reason. Some weird.
Okay, let's go back to this. Let's go back to Hawaii and you're a lesbian.
So you're in Hawaii. You're not a lesbian.
You're bisexual, first of all, because you're still with your boyfriend. Yeah, but you still, you haven't hooked up with a girl yet, so I don't know.
Yeah, maybe you don't know what you're talking about. I'm not really sold on it.
I know, but there's like a feeling. What is it? Like, I want to try.
Yeah, I have a feeling when I watch Lord of the Rings. What is it? I want to slay a cave troll, but in real life, I wouldn't.
No, in real life, I would. Is that a metaphor for suck a cave it? I want to slay a cave troll But in real life I wouldn't No, in real life I would Is that a metaphor for suck a cave troll life? Is that what you're really trying to say? I want to slay him? Yeah, yeah I want to swoop a cave troll? Yeah Yeah, I mean it's just like a feeling Still doesn't You have to act on it I think No, no, but what she's saying is look Let's say you and I go to I think she's just trying to be You know what I mean? out dad yeah that's what you're trying to do all right you're trying to be hip and young and slow down i fucking bullshit dad let me tell you something fox news you're hetero fox news uh look at it like this you and i go to thunder down under the male strip club yeah would you get a feeling there no okay so she my point is what feeling? I didn't know what the feeling was But we already know Tito Bobby's bi He was He's done now He's done he said He cut that off No I swear to fucking god I swear to god What? I so regret you even coming here What the fuck do you mean? We already know We confirmed it No we What do you mean we No nobody knows We confirmed it No we didn't confirm it with nothing Well maybe has it been confirmed in your mind yeah so you think i'm bisexual i think so you think so i even asked it to call isla oh really here we go what did she say she said yeah insane go ahead well this will maybe prove her point if we went to thunder and under and saw Male strip club.
Yeah. male strip club Male strippers What would you feel? I would spit on the floor This is blasphemy And I would leave Would you dance in the spit For a little while? You would You'd rub your little butt Well I spit on my dick actually Can I put that in? Yeah God Let me tell you something You do have feelings feelings For guys when they're Oh it's so ridiculous

You do

What are we even doing

Here right now

What are we even doing

Here right now

You don't like

You don't like boys

A little bit

No you're the one

That keeps talking

About Mr. Fagley

First of all

Yeah who's gay

He was a great pioneer

I never said I wasn't

I'm not the one

That came up with

This guy right here right

Yeah

Before we even came

To the fucking podcast

What did we talk about today

Right

And then Fagley

Is the first thing

That came to your mind

I'm sorry. the one that came up with this guy right here right yeah before we even came to the fucking podcast what do we talk about today right and then fagly is the first thing that came to your mind we did this whole history about the city and this and that who's bisexual friend i never said i wasn't but are don't be real are you bisexual yeah i don't know yet me either why haven't i be there with you sure can i be in that little space with you i haven't i don't know yet either I haven't taken the test I haven't taken the test either Well let's take it No I don't want to take the test Carlos give us the test You already done the test And you No I lied I lie all the time What do you think I fucking tell the truth? I'm Dr.
Lie dude Everything I do is a lie You're not You never got your doctorate No No That's not true You don't have have a PhD. Yeah.
Not the M.I. Let's take the quiz.
Let's take the quiz. Again.
Let's take it for you. Fine.
Thank you. Yeah, because he never took the test.
It's never going to work. What do you mean work? You're not going to get me.
Quiz. Well, I never took the gay one.
I only took the bi-one. Have you had feelings for a same-gender close friend? Yeah, of course.
You. Okay, good.
I love you. Yeah.
I think so. Yeah.
i think so yeah i think so next yeah have you ever kissed someone and wanted to kiss someone of the same gender you have i have you have kissed me yeah you have kissed me yeah oh yeah yeah yeah definitely it was great well it says definitely i haven't done it but i want to try it yeah and i'm not sure i felt about it yeah i'm sure okay but go with three i'll. Yeah, that's fine.
How do you feel about queer characters in TV shows and movies? Oh, you love it. Oh, my God.
Your favorite movies. I think they're the only people that should be in film.
I've totally watched shows with just queer ships and storylines. Yeah, there we go.
Yeah, yeah, please, please, yeah. When someone asks you who you're crushing on, I make up a name or I pick someone random.
Yeah, that's it. Number two.
I make up a name and I pick someone random. Yeah, there we go.
Yeah. Has anyone ever asked you if you were gay? Yeah.
I've asked you every day for the last six years. Okay, so just do people pretty much assume that about me all the time.
When you imagine being in a relationship, what do you picture? I can, you know, I'm not sure. No, we with someone.
I can only see myself with one of the same sex. I'll probably be with someone of the opposite sex.
I think four would be the thing. I can only see myself with someone of the opposite.
Yeah, there you go. Yeah, the four.
Yeah, that's true. Okay.
How do you feel about identifying as being gay? I'm not sure how I feel about that. Yeah, yeah.
You know, I'm not sure. Have you ever felt attracted to someone of the same gender? Yeah, but everybody has, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How do you feel about dating someone of the opposite gender? Yeah, I don't think you would. Maybe, no, I would go for it.
Opposite gender. I definitely.
Yeah, the last fourth. Yeah, I definitely do it.
I would do it. Okay.
Do you ever fantasize being someone of the same gender? Oh, sometimes. No, I would say no.
No, that's a no. That's a no.
Yeah. When you imagine kissing or being intimate with a future partner, how do you feel? Good, I guess.
Good, I you scroll through Your feed or FYP Your for you page Do you see content From queer creators Yeah You got me Yeah but only because I've looked at one or two Related posts Yeah yeah yeah Flash forward five years How likely is your partner Is the same gender as you? Oh, not very likely. Not very likely.
Yeah, not very likely. Not very likely.
Would you be comfortable using LBGTQ dating app? Oh. No, there's no way.
Not really, but I wouldn't rule it out completely. Really? You never know what happens.
Okay, good. Relationship ends, you never, are the LGBTQ individuals in your friend group? Yeah, absolutely.
Yeah, for sure. Yeah, absolutely, yeah.
What inspired you to take this quiz? How long is this quiz?

Oh, there's a little more.

What inspired you?

Just curious about the result I'll get.

Number three.

Yeah.

Oh, let's see.

Yeah.

Drum roll.

What does it say?

What do my results mean?

You may experience... Right there.

You may experience a small amount of attraction to people the same gender.

Small amount.

Small amount. So I'm bi.
Is that what it says or no? Yeah Well The internet said it Sadly I'm not bi Sorry you're alone on this island I thought you said you're bi Oh come on dude I don't like guys So if you break up with What's his name

Ricky

What's his name

Joey

Joey

If you break up with Joey

You're going for girls

You could see yourself

Being in a relationship

With a girl

I might be

Because I have this

Classmate

In my bio class

Ooh

Here we go

And she's

She's like really pretty

And everything

What's everything mean

She has big tits

Smart

What

Big tits

Smart

Big butt

Big tits

Yeah

How big the butt

That's great

How big the butt

I'm sorry. pretty and everything what's everything mean she has big tits what big tits big butt big tits yeah she has that's everything how big the butt that's great how big the butt i don't know i don't know show us with your hands yeah yeah so this and then what's this her back the body and then like that her body's something like straight up and down straight up and down like that there's no spine she has're looking sideways Sideways She has good posture Oh like that Good posture Oh so it's got like So you would say she was thin But had a bubbly butt Bubble butt Bubble bubble bubble butt Yeah And she has big boobs And she's smart And she has a nice smile Yeah And just make up a name for her Ryza Oh yeah Ryza Alright so I'm Ryza You're single now No I can't I can't ask I can't ask yeah yeah yeah I'm Riza you're single now but she's not gay I can tell how do you know how do you know that's fucking blasphemy what you just said because she has a boyfriend oh so do you yeah cut to school cut to school she just broke up with her boyfriend you broke up with fucking Joseph right and I'm And I'm going, now I'm like writing, I'm writing an essay.

Do-do-do.

Do-do-do-do-do-do-do.

Writing an essay.

Do-do, yeah.

I can't, I don't know how to do it.

Well, you're never going to be able to get this done in real life.

You can't do it here.

Excuse me, why are you standing there?

We're friends.

Oh, hi.

Jules.

Hi, Ryza. Hi.
What's up? I'm doing my essay. I was wondering if you wanted to hang out later.
Hang out. What does that mean? Like go to the movies.
Oh, as friends? Yeah. That's the wrong move.
What do you say? I'll do it. I'll be you.
Ready? Yeah, go ahead. Do-dee-doo.
Do-dee-doo-dee-doo-dee-doo. Hey, are you writing an essay? Yes, I am.
Oh, cool. What are you doing later? Well, first of all, let me finish.
I'm doing the etymology of the word anthropology. Whoa.
You are smart. Yeah, I'm doing an essay doing the etymology of the word anthropology whoa you are smart yeah i'm doing an essay about the etymology of the word anthropology so you're not just big boobs and big tits you also got big brains excuse me i'm half brazilian oh i can tell it sticks out like that yeah yeah so anyway what's up do you have a boyfriend do you have a boyfriend well you.
Oh, my God. I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Well, I was about to tell you what happened. And you said, anyway, what's up? I just broke up with my boyfriend.
Oh, I'm sorry. What happened with yours? Oh, God, he died.
He died. Oh, he's dead? Yeah.
Oh, my God. It's so fucking sad.
This morning. I don't know how to say this.
This morning. Really? Yeah.
This might be too soon. That's okay.
I don't know how to say this to you, but I was wondering if maybe I could eat your pussy. And then this is why I would have You know what that is? You know what that is? What? Stick in the pen.
Now you didn't notice. I was writing with a pen.
And now it's down here like this, right? Oh. And the tip is in mine.
Say it again notice I was writing with a pen And now it's down here like this right Oh Say it again I was wondering if I could Look you should ask her out on a date Did you have to cut that out? No You gotta ask her out on a date Maybe not that way Not like Do people do their essays at the desk? I don't know. No.
I don't know. What do you mean essays? I don't know how it works.
You do essays later? Also, people have computers. Computers.
Oh, that's where I went wrong. Yeah.
You haven't been in high school in 30 years. I know so.
Things have changed. That's better.
Can you believe that you haven't been in high school in 30 years? I haven't been to a class since... 30 years.

Palomar College, so.

I did go to a junior college for like a semester.

Okay, but you were in high school 30 years ago.

That's insane.

I don't know what... Yeah.

You graduated in 90...

Yeah, 1990.

90, right?

Yeah, so here's what I remember.

I remember Bunsen burners. Do they still have those? Yeah.
Well, ask her. I'm not in fucking high school.
remember I remember Bunsen burners Do they still have those? Ask her, I'm not in high school I remember this guy What's the guy? The skeleton Who is it, Jesus? There's a skeleton in science class You guys still have those skeletons? They're just skeletons like this They didn't prop their arms up i put the arms up like that oh you got in trouble for that yeah yeah and then there's like little like things on the skeleton bones yeah like little needle points no not just needle points it was like you know a5 and then you could look at a chart oh yeah that's a femur bone yeah i remember that or whatever i remember that yeah that's that i also remember um that's it you remember nothing else from high school no i remember one time this girl named heather oh my god made me so fucking mad so i had just got on my third rehab third time yeah and i don't know why history teacher because i was gone for like a month so the history teacher goes um and we want to welcome mr lee back he just went to a rehabilitation center and he's now sober she wanted like people to applaud and this girl heather goes why do you have to do drugs anyway because of you heather that's why exactly because of you people like you heather you fucking asshole freak and i remember her break i was like she liked you what she had a crush on you that's what it is 100 a girl had a crush on me that pulled some shit got me suspended yeah in health class yeah we were drunk they had they had they had diagrams of penises of the inside of a penis like if you fillet it tell me what it looks like kind of like her you know what we go on vacations yeah we do we go on ventures i'm about to and sometimes when you go to like hawaii or alaska right, you don't know what to do. And you got to go to Viator because Viator has over 300,000 bookable travel experiences in over 190 countries.
They offer everything from simple tours to extreme adventures, by the way. If you want to do a little hike or you want to go in a volcano, you want to go in a helicopter, they got that and all the niche interesting stuff in between.
Viator is the place to go to book memorable travel experiences. It says, i am going on a little trip bobby used Viator and bought me something yeah it's very sweet maybe we'll show it to you guys yeah it was incredible and i'm very appreciative because Viator it involves so much to choose from and you fly you fly that's why tour is a website and app where you can book travel experiences so that's what it is and they offer so many things simple tours to adventures.
If you're like Laura Croft and you want to go into extreme, but if you want to do something simple, you have simple ones too. You can do John Wick type of stuff or you can just do Bobby and Andrew type of stuff.
When you book a travel experience with Viator, there's always flexibility and support with free cancellation, payment options, and 24-7 service. What else do you need to know if you're going on vacation and you want something to do go to viator download the viator app now and use code viator 10 for 10 off your first booking one app over 300 000 experiences you'll remember do more with viator if you fillet a penis and they showed you the diagram yeah so i was tracing the cock so i was just tracing cock on on loose leaf paper.
Yeah. Because why not? And then I would sign it and then hand it to my friends in class.
That was your merch back then. Yeah.
Five bucks, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was slinging cock.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I signed one.
One of them I drew and I drew something with the teacher's name in it. Why would you put her name on that? I think I put her name in like a puddle of jizz or something underneath it.
That's it was high school yeah yeah and i threw it away yeah and then this fucking snitch from my class fucking bitch dug it out of the trash oh my she should and gave it to the teacher and then i got fucking suspended after the fact for how long a week and then what did your parents say my dad was like you know do you have a future in the arts are you looking my parents were so fucking i got suspended so many times so many times i one time i got suspended one time i brought a bb gun to school i got suspended for that oh yeah but i was shooting people at the bus stop so that was a big deal yeah this is back before school shootings i was just shooting people and i would shoot people out of the bus as it was moving but it was bb's it wasn't going to kill anybody so many schools with the loved BB guns. I loved it.
And I shoot them all the time. Then I got suspended for opening up the back door of the bus and us jumping out of it.
Why did you do that? We just wanted to jump out of it while it was moving. I thought that was funny.
Then I got suspended. I brought an IED to school.
You did? A non-functioning though. Oh, it was over.
Well, I was bringing it to my other friend. Toot.
Yeah. Toot.
Toot. Bobby, what's in your bag yeah why do you have to do drugs anyway yeah no but I um yeah I was kicked out of school all the time I just got I got suspended so many times yeah that's a funny thing I used to sell weed and I never got caught for that wow but I got caught for everything else yeah dumb shit if you're young listening to this podcast in high school, generally probably a male.

High school kids?

Yeah.

Probably going to be a guy.

Yeah.

And I've noticed that with our podcast.

Well, we get a lot of chicks, but they're not in high school.

Yeah.

And they're also like a little funny eyed.

You mean every girl that listens to the show is lazy eyed?

No, they're beautiful.

Yeah.

Right.

But there's something wrong.

Right.

If you go deep.

Look at us.

I know.

Yeah.

Look at their leader. Yeah.
Their leaders are something. Fucked up you too you especially you too though probably me you too the most yeah yeah but anyway um yeah so my point is is that what was i even don't follow us are you saying don't do what we do no but no in high school if you're just no because back then we would behave like that and what would the counselors and teachers say? He has no future.

Yeah, they used to say, if you could focus your energy, you'd actually be successful in life.

Yeah, yeah.

Meaning, you're not going to be successful because you can't focus your energy.

Yeah, yeah.

And they always looked at us like, oh, you have no future.

You're screwed, right?

And then look at us now.

My point, though, if you're young, light the thing on fire.

Light it on fire.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Break it, steal it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Bring the gun to school. Doodle penises.
Yeah, you might as well doodle the dick yeah go crazy a little bit it doesn't matter i ended up hooking up with that girl years later no really is that yeah and did you grab her hair why'd you fucking knock me up bitch bing bing bing bing against the head board yeah no i do we hooked up years later how weird was that it was like the strangest. It was like revenge.
Yeah. It was like weird revenge.
Do you guys have talked about it though or no? I've never seen her. That was 20 years ago.
No, do you have to talk about her opening the thing up? Doing that? Yeah. Yeah.
At one point, we talked about that. Why she tried to.
And then what did she do? She said, I had a crush on you. And I liked you and I hated you.
That's not the weirdest way to fucking show somebody. Girls are fucking weird, dude.
Girls do weird shit. Guys are also Guys are also weird too Yeah you're weirder than us So Because when we have a crush on you We're literally like I like you No no no Someone kept bullying me in high school Yeah And then American or Filipino Filipino Okay And then a year later He's told me I like you Well that's But that's the Filipino way Yeah In America we don't do it We don don't do that.
Yeah, yeah. What do you mean he bullied you? Do you physically push you? No, he kept saying...
What? You're dark. You're ugly.
Oh, yeah. Here's the thing with you Filipinos.
Not a lie, I've been told. You guys don't like the dark skin.
Yeah, you're so racist. You get so racist.
You get shamed for dark skin. Yeah.
It's insane. What do you mean? That happens all over Asia.

I don't like it.

They go to Japan.

I know.

They're all white.

The whiter they feel like it's more...

Yeah.

These bigots do it too.

Yeah.

The Spanish do that shit.

You guys look down on the fucking Mexicans.

That's why I came to the US.

To do what?

To get really bullied.

A country that doesn't do that.

Huh?

A country that doesn't do that.

That respect everybody.

Yeah, right.

But you go back to Spain like you just did.

You know he loves talking shit.

He's gross, dude.

These guys, these Spanish people... Thank you.
a country that doesn't do that that respect everybody yeah right but you go back to spain like you just did you know he loves yeah talking shit he's gross dude these guys these spanish is another one yeah light-skinned yeah yeah elitist yeah he's got mexico city my dad's yeah my dad's not uh light your dad's from mexico city right yeah my mom is too but she's white because she's like fancy your mom's not white she's mexican yeah but she's like

she okay but honestly she's hot when her and i were chatting i know me too at some point i looked

over her dad and he was like penetration like this and i was like in your mind though i was

trying to kick your mind though penetration do you want me to leave so you can say it we'll say

it here we'll say i don't give a fuck yeah i think you should stand around she's hot

okay bobby she actually is sexy yeah she's pretty sexy. Well, I've been in an Uber alone with your mom.
That's interesting. Interesting, interesting, interesting, interesting.
Very interesting. That's very interesting.
So you went to pick up my mom at her house, right? Yeah, she was waiting outside for me. Wait a minute.
What was she wearing? Do you remember? I mean, she was going out that night, so it was like a beautiful dress i believe he remembers yeah ew he knows what color lipstick did she have he did red red what kind of shoes do you remember what kind of shoes she had on like rubbery like abuelita type shoes like grandma shoes yeah yeah yeah what's grandma in korean harmony harmony harmony harmony It sounds like you're trying to say harmony in korean no harmony so it's harmony but they just can't say it no it's not harmony harmony harmony how many just one grandmother yeah that's what i'm saying how many yeah just one oh one yeah yeah no um... She was cool.
I think we five.

Whoa.

He's doing it.

You open this door. Do you find my mom to be funny?

Yes.

She was cool.

She's so funny.

Yeah.

And she says weird things?

Yeah, like she kept trying to tell the Uber driver how to go, like get to the freeway,

but it was like really obvious.

Giving him directions?

Yeah, he had directions.

Can she still drive?

Yeah.

She's getting close though, isn't she?

Close to what? Not driving anymore. Oh, I thought she was getting her nascar Imagine and in lane 10 Bobby's mom Yeah, no, she's she's fine Anyway, well, so um She was hot when she was younger though.
That's what people said. Oh, really? In her 20s.

Who said that?

His fucking sister?

No, have you seen?

I have a photo of her.

Of his mom.

Of my mom.

Oh, you're in her 20s.

He's bragging about his mom being hot.

In her 20s, all the kids from my school were like,

oh, your mom was hot in her 20s.

How different did she look then?

I mean, I have a photo of my phone.

I want to see.

Can we show the fans? Yeah. So would you...
You'd have fucked your mom in her 20s? No. Fuck you, dude.
What are you talking about? The way you said it, she was hot in her 20s. Nobody says she's hot.
No, people thought she was cute or whatever. Did your friends say that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I hooked up with your mom. Your mom was cute when she was in her 20s.
She was a babe she was a babe she was she's babraham lincoln

it's almost here i got it oh that's my dead dad okay i still have photos of my dead dad on my phone is that insane i mean you know not really wow there she is right there where yeah damn she is hot Yeah, she was kind of cute.

You know what I mean?

Why did you not get any of that stuff How come you didn't get that stuff Okay Enough about me And then here's me as a baby You've never heard Bobby say enough about me Me as a baby Now that looks like your dad That's the problem is that you look exactly like your dad. How does your dad look right now? Let me see.
What does your dad look like now? This is a stunning photo. I'm going to have to blur this out.
Let me see. And my brother took this.
I don't know what the fuck is going on there. Is this his dick out? Is he pissing?

He's peeing in a toilet.

I have no idea what's going on here.

Oh, that's so lovely.

We have now bad advice.

Welcome to the bad advice.

Hello, bad friend.

Is that you?

He's fancy.

Great.

We got fancy calling.

Yeah, yeah.

I miss you guys.

Here it is.

Some advice.

I just basically figured out that my biological mom is actually my cousin i put basically what happened was my cousin donated an egg to my mom and then my mom birthed me but my cousin is actually my biological mom and i was wondering if you have any advice on that well thank you guys the good news is i think you could fuck your mom now yeah go for it buddy right i mean honestly your cousin yeah but his mom still carried him but does that affect it it does in what way well i'm saying you know you could he could okay how about that you could okay don't fuck your cousin though that's your mom so they say yeah that's what you say so they say yeah yeah that's interesting and he just found that out to me if she carried him i wouldn't want to know that information whatsoever i don't think so either i wouldn't want well i'm also not going to Fuck any of my family members So I don't need to be like Don't fuck your cousin That could be your mom Yeah That's never been a problem Well you know I watched that show Long Lost Family Yeah Are there a lot of cousin fuckers On that show? No but there's a lot of like You know one girl This is an interesting one This is not even that funny But I have to tell you anyway Please There was a girl that was like When she was 19 She got in a fight with her mom and she found out that her dad wasn't her dad. Yeah.
I mean that happens constantly. Right.
So then she like got some, you know, genetic testing. Yeah.
23 and me and all that stuff. Right.
And she couldn't find her real biological dad. She had her mom basically said one night in the 60s.
I was at a pizza joint and there was a guy that worked at the pizza. Fuck the guy guy in the pizza joint? Yeah, and then that's your dad, right? That's awesome.
It's awesome, right? Yeah. So through the show- That's why your name's Pepperoni.
So through the show, this is cool, right? So what she does for a living, right, is she has like, she rescues animals. Okay.
Right? That's what she does for a living. That's cool.
So now she's in her 40s and she contacts her. So they find the guy.
No, the pizza guy. He's still working there.
No. Oh.
He is in charge of the Oregon like animal conservation. Animal lovers.
Right. So she goes to see her dad and they do the same thing.
Yeah, they do the same exact thing. That's cutie pie shit.
Yeah, yeah. That is cutie pie shit.

Yeah, that's what that show's about.

It's cool when you see that.

Like, it's like,

it was in the blood.

It was in the DNA.

Right, that's nature,

not nurture.

Yeah.

I love this.

Next.

Anyway, let's move on.

We have so much stuff

planned for you guys

on the Patreon.

So you sign up at

Patreon.com

slash badfriends.

That's right.

Patreon.com slash badfriends. Sign up right.
Patreon.com slash badfriends.

Sign up with us today.

What is this?

I think it's you.

No.

Wait a minute.

Let me ask you to pause that.

Okay.

I don't like that part.

He's kicking him.

Why does he kick him?

Yeah, yeah.

But that, right, who would win, him or Brad Williams? I think him. He's a him.
Why does he kick him? Yeah, yeah. But that, right,

who would win,

him or Brad Williams?

I think him.

He's a black belt.

That's true.

But I would give anything to see that fight.

100%.

Now, let me ask you something.

Be honest.

Be truly honest.

Yeah.

Me versus that guy.

Him.

Black belt.

100%.

Dude, I would fuck that guy up.

I would just beat him just by submission. Dude, I would fuck him up.
I'd beat beat him by submission What are the rules? What are the rules? You can't jump over him You gotta stay in front of him I gotta use what I gotta You gotta stay in front of him I have to be on my knees? You have to fight on your knees No dude Yeah No that's not Well then you'd win No shit But if I could use my legs You just asked me Can I do like A Muay Thai kick to his face It be a fair fight oh that's not well then then then yeah then you're done yeah wait a minute google this have you seen the fucking swimmer who set the record with no arms oh yeah this asian guy do you not know about this like that's cheating but go ahead this is insane he set a fucking world record swin chinese swimmer with no arms no arms he uses his head to touch the wall you know when he's like when he's instead

of your arm out wait wait he's known as the armless flying fish in china because of his

performance yeah but does he use an apparatus no a motor yeah yeah i mean he just holds on

with his mouth i mean is he is he replacing his arms with anything no he's just bobbing show him

show a different video of him swimming you have to see this and he can beat people with arms he's

Thank you. I mean is he replacing his arms with anything No he's just bobbing Show a different video of him swimming You have to see this And he can beat people with arms He smokes them He doesn't beat them he smokes them Dude he did the fucking Not the butterfly but Chinese no arm swimmer Why are you laughing at that Obliterates look at this It's just little wings It's all little wings yeah yeah it's oh you can do with those nubs no okay freestyle obviously freestyle yeah it's all shoulder now watch this yeah go ahead watch what this guy fucking does okay all right so that's what it is watch how fast he swims okay let's go this is gonna blow your mind yeah what if he just sinks to the bottom i know okay.
Okay, look. All right.
Watch. Watch.

Where is he?

You'll be able to tell in seconds.

Look at him.

No arms.

He's so fast. Oh, he's so fast, dude.

Well, no one else is using their arms.

Look at him.

He's cruising.

His head, look at his head.

He's bobbing just above the water there.

He's getting...

Which one is it?

He's that one and the one in the lead.

He's murdering everybody.

Oh, my.

He's murdering him.

And he uses his head to hit the wall. Please pause for a second.
Can I just say something? Let me just say something. And I'm the one in the lead.
He's murdering everybody. He's murdering them.
And he uses his head to hit the wall.

Push pause for a second.

Can I just say something?

Let me just say something.

And I'm not ripping on the guy.

It sounds like you're going to be.

I know, but this is one competition

where no one's using their arms.

No, that's not true.

Some people have arms.

No one's using them.

Go back to the beginning.

No one's using them.

Yes, they are.

Go back to the beginning.

This is for legs only.

Look, look, look.

Go back to the very beginning.

Look, see, there's a guy with arms right there.

I know, but the swim is no arm. It's an armless.
No, it's freestyle. Go back to the very beginning.
Go to the start. Look, see, there's a guy with arms right there.

I know, but the swim is no arm.

It's an armless.

No, it's freestyle.

So they are using, some of them are using their arms.

Point to one guy that's using his arms.

I'm not trying to be a dick, but.

Press play.

Go ahead.

Now watch.

Watch that guy.

Swim with his arms.

No.

Okay, go ahead.

Those guys are swimming with their arms right there.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Yes, they fucking are.

Yeah, he is using his arms.

You're right.

The only guys that aren't using their arms are the guys with no arms.

Wait, all three of them have no arms?

Yes.

And he's beating all of them.

He's especially beating the guy with arms.

Can I just say,

this is not an Olympic thing though.

This is like,

hey, anybody.

Hey, you know how to swim?

This is the Paralympics. Some guy, no, I never swim in my life.

Come on, you have arms?

Yeah.

And that's what this is.

Paralympics. Oh, it's the Paralympics? Yes.
Well, yeah. What does that mean? Everyone has something.
I don't know what the other guys have with the arms. This guy would smoke you.
Maybe they don't have abdomens or something. Of course they have abdomens.
Oh, it's a para. Okay, it's a work for underwater.
Look at him. This is an underwater view.
Carlos, I swear to God, dude. Look at his head He's just like Coasting right above the water In the water though I feel like he's using his tongue You gotta use You gotta use what you got Yeah yeah A lot of blinking Everything You have to use everything Yeah You sucking water in his ass I like that this show is dark It's so weird That's great for him It's good for this guy Yeah yeah yeah You gotta celebrate this kind of guy.
But you know when he wins, you know what you can't do?

High five him.

You have the nub five.

And those are,

you need to get close.

And nub him.

For a nub five?

Nub him, baby.

Hey, good job.

All right.

Okay.

Dark.

Dark.

So dark.

Fun.

Thank you for being a bad friend.