Two Nuts in Cohoots

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Speaker 1 Heary, hear it! Hey, y'all! Hey! We're launching a Patreon! That's right, patreon.com/slash bad friends. And you get more than more.
You get more than more.

Speaker 1 Not only do you get the episode on Friday instead of Monday, you get it Friday.

Speaker 1 Ad-free. Ad-free.
So you get the episode ad-free on Friday instead of on Monday, and you get extras. Bonus content.
And, you know,

Speaker 1 weird stuff. Like this.
The Bad Friends Court is now in session. Honorable Judge Bobby Lee and Honorable Judge Andrew Santino presided.
Let's hear it. Here he, here, here.

Speaker 1 Daniel Ortiz versus his brother. He wants to take his brother to court because of dog support.
We need a better reading. We need a better reading.
We need someone that speaks English.

Speaker 1 Mama Mia claims that Tony Sertoria employees broke into her restaurant and stole her secret recipe for the legendary perfect pizza. Whoa, pizza gate! Pizza gate!

Speaker 1 We know the secret sauce on the counter three. One, two, three.

Speaker 1 Hello. Hello.
Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on.

Speaker 1 Hold on. There we go.
I got a speaker. Hello? Holy

Speaker 1 Alex!

Speaker 1 You have to press one. Yo, says he know, what's up, man? What's up, dude? You're on.

Speaker 1 He's too cool. Next, Regan snap hoodie up there in Canada.
Take a couple of pucks in her slit, eh? Are you Mormon? Yeah, that's great, man. I usually just listen to podcasts, but down

Speaker 1 back in at my phone to see it. I got hit by a trucker.

Speaker 1 How thick is it? How thick is it? Nobody fing cares. My fiancé's going to be so jealous.
He's at work, right, though. She has a fiancé.
Hang on. She has a fiance.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's up, you dork? Where does he work at? The Juice Factory. I'm a huge fan of the podcast.
I love you guys so much. Who do you like more?

Speaker 1 We love you, and I hope you don't get deported anytime soon. Goodbye.
So,

Speaker 1 patreon.com/slash bad friends. What is it, Bob? Patreon.com/slash bad friends.
Gotta do it. The link is in the description below.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 I dude. I'm an Asian dude.

Speaker 2 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You

Speaker 1 We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 Here we go. Here we go.

Speaker 1 I didn't like that beginning. Well, we should say.
We're going to talk about movies.

Speaker 1 We should say we're missing one of our favorite people here because he's back in Espana and we're sending all of our love to Fancy B. Thank you.
Thank you, Fancy B. We love you.
We miss you.

Speaker 1 I mean, miss you. I said, thank you.
That was ridiculous. No, no, thank you is also nice.
Thank you

Speaker 1 for being here. He's not here, but

Speaker 1 bye bye. Bye.
Okay. He's gone.
I love him. I miss him.
But we have Carlos here who got a brand new car. Yes.
Carlos got a brand new car. Hell yeah.
Why? Why don't you show it off?

Speaker 1 Show it off to everybody.

Speaker 2 New car, new puppy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and new apartment. Is the puppy still alive and stuff? It's at its past.
I get him on the second. This is the car.
Oh, yeah, that's right. He got a brand new Mercedes.
Oh, my God. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's insane.

Speaker 2 Damn, that tour paying you good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what the fuck? How much did we pay this guy? I did get it from a tour, and I thanked Andrew for it. He did very graciously.

Speaker 1 A brand new C-300 sedan. What color? Black? Black.
Yeah, I got it in black. Wow.
Honestly, how does he afford that?

Speaker 1 It's a down payment. We gave him 600 grand for the tour.

Speaker 1 I think that's what we paid him.

Speaker 1 We did.

Speaker 1 I wasn't there when we discussed that.

Speaker 1 No, but it's a good-looking car. Congrats.
Because he got into a car accident. He needed a new car.
Oh, I just don't know how you...

Speaker 1 Why didn't you go like Honda Civic? I mean, why that? Because it's sick. I know, but the thing is, is that

Speaker 1 I'm going to live in my car. I understand that, but where do you work?

Speaker 1 Here with us. I'm here with you.
Yeah, I know, but my mind is like, because I kind of know what you make here. I don't know why you would buy such an expensive car.

Speaker 1 Well, actually, I'm getting money from the insurance for my other car.

Speaker 1 Okay, that's all I need to hear. Okay, okay.
And your rich dad. Yeah, that's good.
But also, also from the insurance, look, Bob, his back hurts. You know what I mean? Oh, that's such a great idea.

Speaker 1 His spine's broke. I didn't get the car the day I went.
to the dealership because my dad still needs to do the co-signing and stuff.

Speaker 1 Are you being real? Your dad's doing it? Yeah. He's co-signing.
He's co-signing. He can't get the lease on his own.
What's your credit score? Genuinely, you're like 260?

Speaker 1 that well no it's like it's below

Speaker 1 it's got to be below three

Speaker 1 no it's like 720 or something like that whoa really good wow that's good that's really good but for like a benzo you can't you you would have to put a lot of money for that you have to have really good credit for a benz what's your credit score do you know it's i surprised i think it's like 720 which is kind of embarrassing it's lower than carlos

Speaker 1 which is embarrassing i've been alive longer i paid bills i just started establishing credit yeah that's right we got you on credit now finally yeah it's fun.

Speaker 1 I can look up my credit score right now on my City app. You guys want to see what it is? Let's hear what it is.
What's my FICO score? I know it's in the 800s.

Speaker 2 Bobby, what's going on with these?

Speaker 1 I just don't like this direction. Okay, let's start over.
865. Oh, my God.
Yeah. You get a boat.

Speaker 1 Should we buy a boat? I don't know.

Speaker 1 All right, Bob. I don't know how to even get a credit score.

Speaker 1 You establish credit.

Speaker 1 How many credit cards do you have? A bunch. I've always had them.
He probably has perfect credit. Yeah, do you pay him off every month? Oh, yeah.
Well, then you're done. Yeah.
You're good.

Speaker 1 You got great scores. I don't know how to get the actual.
Google Bobby Lee credit score.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't that be funny like net worth? They put up what your credit score is. Is your shifts publicly? What is your net worth right now? Nothing.
You pay your own bills. What does it say? 10 million.

Speaker 1 I can't imagine him, dude. Dude, it's so funny.
Six months ago, I was at 1 million. Wow, 10 million? Now my net worth.
1 million? That's insane. 5'4? That's wrong.
I'm five. You're free.
You're four.

Speaker 1 All right. Five, three.
What the fuck? Monthly. That's me? It says you make a quarter million a month.
Wow. That's pretty impressive.
What?

Speaker 1 Good for you, you, Bob. I toto! That's amazing.
I don't make that at all. Well, Steve Bennett says you do.
Yeah, Steve Bennett says it.

Speaker 1 Well, Luke,

Speaker 1 go look up Andrew on that. Okay.
Look up Andrew on that. This is how embarrassing this is.
Go ahead. Go, Andrew.
You know what? They're going to go, user not found.

Speaker 2 No, you're on there for sure.

Speaker 1 Yes, I told you.

Speaker 1 How is that impossible? How is that even? I'm not famous like Bob. Bobby's a famous.

Speaker 2 I know Bobby is

Speaker 1 famous. Did that hurt? You're hurt.

Speaker 1 Look at his face. No, he got hurt.
Look, there's nothing out.

Speaker 1 He got hurt.

Speaker 1 I saw it in your face. You got hurt.
You got hurt that you weren't found. No, I just told you.
I said you are not found.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that means.

Speaker 1 Where does it say it?

Speaker 1 That was so sad. Five mil.
You were so sad you weren't found. Yeah, five mil.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. That's wrong, too.
I'm so sorry, dude. No,

Speaker 1 you blew this up.

Speaker 1 I really don't. I'm the one that called it out.
Oh, my God. That was so sad.
Why would I care?

Speaker 1 I saw it. I hope it never found.

Speaker 1 Ever, ever, ever. Key takeaways.
He's blushing. Oh, God, that was so funny.
Anyway, let's move on. Holy shit.

Speaker 1 You know, you know, you're the greatest gaslighter I've ever seen in my entire life to make up something out of absolutely nothing. Yeah, yeah.
It's like it's. I'm the best at it.
It's probably

Speaker 1 a narcissistic skill that you possess. I don't have narcissism.

Speaker 1 Bob. I don't have narcissism.
Bobby. Yeah.

Speaker 1 yeah bobby no i have empathy for things i cry every day for things excessive interest in admiration of oneself or one's physical appearance i don't know the second half no the latter part no but admiration of oneself no you know that i'm i i feel like i'm a piece of

Speaker 1 i don't deserve anything

Speaker 1 that's not true oh i do that's that's my

Speaker 1 that's my whole thing

Speaker 1 i bombed i suck but knowing it's your thing makes it not your thing then all i hear is i i mean

Speaker 1 no if i I, no, if I'm just in that zone, yeah, I mean, it's never good. I would never set

Speaker 1 you, you're not, you're definitely not. I mean, narcissists do this, right? They'll purposely not feed their dog to watch them suffer.
Oh, my God. No, no, that's different.

Speaker 1 That's animal abuse. That's not narcissistic.
No, no, that's what narcissists do, though. No, narcissists.
They would like to see things suffer. No, no, no.
That's Schaudenfreude. Yeah.

Speaker 1 What's Scheidenfreude? Schudenfreude is getting enjoyment from other people's pain. That's Schaunfreude.
But that's still all. Masochism is the enjoyment.
But that's still

Speaker 1 a personality trait within narcissists. I don't think so.
These are two separate things because narcissism is just self-involved.

Speaker 1 Masochism refers to the enjoyment of experienced pain while sadism refers to the enjoyment of inflicting pain. So sadists like watching other things suffer.
Masochists like...

Speaker 1 I mean, if I was a narcissist, why would I go on a darkness retreat?

Speaker 1 Let's get you on that darkness retreat, baby. So it's like, you know,

Speaker 1 why would I do that? Because it's all about you. No, it's because I'm in pain.
I want to I want to use because I hate myself.

Speaker 1 No. I really.
You don't hate yourself. Yeah, it is.
That's it. So it's like, why would I have my well, Melanie, what?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 What? What? You looked at Carlos. What'd you just do? Just a friendship.
I hello. What? What?

Speaker 1 What are you doing? I just saw you do something like this and then

Speaker 1 what's going on here? What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm surprised.
Wait, let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 What in God's name is going on here? What are you afraid of right now?

Speaker 1 I'm not afraid of anything. I'm just saying, you guys have sort of fucking...

Speaker 1 No, no, no. There's no cahoots.

Speaker 1 You guys are communicating in your own language with your eyes? There's no cahoots. There's cahoots there.
There's no cahoots. This is riddled with cahoots.
Stop what's going on.

Speaker 1 This podcast right now is riddled with cahoots, and I want to get to the bottom of it. Pete.
Yeah, yeah. Make sure so.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Stop doing that.
What?

Speaker 1 We cut that out.

Speaker 1 No, we didn't say cut that out. We got another clip.

Speaker 1 There's no clips there is no clip yeah nothing's out pete who finds okay thank you anyway what i'm saying is look at him go get it get it pet it what are you gonna get oh my god what are you getting no no nothing's happening nothing we're good something is happening something is happening here let me ask you something

Speaker 1 i don't have

Speaker 1 what is going on dude major cahoots by the way love the word cahoots yeah i don't even know where it came from but i love the word cahoots but there's something going on though there is no cahoots yeah there is how do you look up cahoots.

Speaker 1 Where does that come from? Man, I love cahoots. In cahoots.
Colluding or conspiring. That's exactly what it is.
Good. Bro, but let me say something.
You've always been a colluder, dude. Cahooter.

Speaker 1 I've been cahooting my whole life.

Speaker 1 Since 1829, Southern and Western American English of known origin, perhaps the French cahoot cabin hoot.

Speaker 1 Cohort. Oh, it's from some cohort.
It's just redneck. Couldn't say cohort.
Down there, cahoot, cahoot. Cahootin down there.

Speaker 1 You know they're out there. Oh, it's Cahoon.

Speaker 1 Root and turn.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I'm not. So I'm going to this darkness retreat.
I'm going to go in January. And I can I to New Hampshire.
You don't know what it is. Yes, I do.
It's when

Speaker 1 you spend five days in complete darkness. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And it's great. And when I talked to a comic the other day, I was like, I said I was going to go to a darkness retreat.
He goes, you going to Baltimore? And I go, that's racist.

Speaker 1 That is racist. I said, I'm not going to Baltimore.
But my point is, is this, I'm going to do it for five days. I think that's going going to be good for you.
I define myself because,

Speaker 1 you know, I'm really sensitive. Lately, are you feeling on edge? Yeah, I've been like, you know, some weird things online and I read things about myself and it really bums me out.
Cut it out. What?

Speaker 1 Stop reading shit. I know.

Speaker 2 It's hard not to.

Speaker 1 It's hard not to. But then I,

Speaker 1 so the other day, I was, I couldn't sleep because I had read some weird things about myself online. And then I called my girl, Melanie, and I go, get me a darkness retreat.
And so we booked it.

Speaker 1 Cost thousands of dollars, dollars, but I'm going to do it. How much?

Speaker 1 It's like $1,000.

Speaker 1 But then without the plane tickets and all that stuff. Yeah.
Yeah, it's a whole thing. Well, I'm going on a retreat.
Where? I'm going to Bora Bora.

Speaker 1 What's so funny? Going to the Four Seasons? No.

Speaker 1 Dude, that was a cahoot's laugh, bro. Yeah, what is going on? Yeah, I just said, he said Bora Bora.
You laughed. That wasn't necessarily that funny.
I know, excuse me. So, what are you laughing about?

Speaker 1 That I already knew the story of there's something going on already. Right, right.
He's coming with me to Bora Bora? Bora Bora. How come I can't go to Bora? Yeah, why me? Just Carlos and I.

Speaker 1 Two Boras only. Because I've been to Bora.
Yeah, look, Bora, Bora. Oh.
It's not Bora, Bora, Bora. All right, so

Speaker 1 why can't we make it Bora, Bora, Bora? We can't.

Speaker 1 I like Bora Bora. Let's do Bora, Bora, Bora.
I'm going there. I can't wait.
Show him what it looks like over the huts, over the water, you know? Well, not that image.

Speaker 1 Give me the fucking hut water image.

Speaker 2 Oh, my gosh, it's beautiful.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going going to be

Speaker 1 one of those huts. Yeah, one of those.
No way. Yeah, isn't that fucking wild? I hope a tsunami happens.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Whoa, look at that one with the pool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we got one with a pool. Are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 Cool.

Speaker 2 Put me in your suitcase.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but imagine getting

Speaker 1 DoorDash, though. You can't.
Like, how do you get DoorDash there? No, no, they do. They still have DoorDash.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they do. Really? No, they come in on little prop planes.

Speaker 1 Wow. I'm going here.
So I'm going here for my 40th birthday. It was my birthday gift to myself.
Who's going? Your wife?

Speaker 1 Yeah. And Carlos.
Yeah, and Carlos, my wife and Carlos.

Speaker 1 Why? Because Carlos. Why can't I go? I got to take care of the dog.
He's got to take care of the pup and stuff. We need to go into like along for the ride.

Speaker 1 And also, you know, I can't reach my back with sunscreen. Sometimes she sleeps in, and Carlos will do that.

Speaker 1 Carlos also said he would cook our meals, clip my tone in. Zoom into that red spot.
That's where Bora Bora is. Yeah, it's way up there.
Holy shit, dude. Middle of nowhere.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Isn't that scary? It's so scary. What are these other islands? Go down a little bit? Well, it's French Polynesia.
So there's Tahiti and all that stuff is down there. Oh, what's French Polynesia?

Speaker 1 The French and the Polynesians got together and they decided they'll split it. Oh, really? Yeah.
Oh, I want to go there.

Speaker 1 The French part is the northern part, the gay part, and the southern one is Polynesian. Oh,

Speaker 1 I want to go to the south part then.

Speaker 1 I'm staying in the north. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Go to the north park.

Speaker 2 Damn, well, I want to do something.

Speaker 1 Come on, dude. Do something.

Speaker 2 You're doing your darkness retreat. You're going to Bora Bor.

Speaker 1 I'm turning 40. It's a big deal.

Speaker 1 Happy birthday.

Speaker 2 Are Are you going in October?

Speaker 1 Thank you. Yeah, we are going in October.
Yeah. My birthday.

Speaker 1 I always wanted to go here. I've dreamed about going here for years.
I'm going to get you something. Yeah, fucking.
No, this is different. Buy my plane ticket.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Got some Korean barbecue last night.

Speaker 1 Did you go to the place I told you to go? Couldn't. It didn't take reservations.
We went to another place. Where would you go?

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, it was fucking phenomenal. We went over to

Speaker 1 Dado. Oh, Dato, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, Dato. Wow.
Great. You know what I love about these fucking Koreans, man? You know what I fucking love about these people? Here we go, dude.

Speaker 1 The way they take pride in cooking this meat, dude. That's right.
And they cook it to perfect temperature. They don't ever overcook it.
And he cooked it, and he goes, he goes,

Speaker 1 how do you want? And I said,

Speaker 1 like medium rare. That's okay.
He goes, anything okay. You tell me.
And I said, that's right. Medium rare then.
And he goes, okay. And then,

Speaker 1 and then they pick it up and they cut it with scissors, with literally like shearing scissors, which I love. And he goes, and then he shows me, he goes, medium rare.
And I go, that's medium rare.

Speaker 1 He goes, I know. And puts it down.
That's the best. What are the best? I kissed his hand.
He had his hand. Yeah, that's what you said.
After he put it down, I went, thank you. And he goes, okay.

Speaker 1 Really? It was so good. Korean barbecue is so fucking good.
And we had those little frittata pizzas with sausage and

Speaker 1 what's it called with that special sauce. Ooh, what is it fucking called?

Speaker 1 God damn it. It was so good.
It's like a frittata pizza almost. Korean with sauce and sausage on it.

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 Man, I wish I knew the name of it. It looked like a frittata pizza.
Anyway, you went to fucking Pizzeria Uno. No, is that where I went? Yeah, I think that's what you went.
Did I go to Pizza Hut?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we don't have that.
No, it was. It was really good.
It was almost like an egg frittata dish with it.

Speaker 1 One time I was in Virginia, and some Korean dude comes up to me and goes, hey, bro, you know we have the best Korean food. In Virginia? I go, Virginia? Maybe.

Speaker 1 He goes, yeah, he goes, I'll show you where to go. So after the show, I was so hungry.
I go, well, let's just go. He's just an hour.
I go, yeah, drive you back.

Speaker 1 He goes, okay, we drive out in the woods.

Speaker 1 I'm not kidding you. This could have been the end of your life.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 Korean food was his dick.

Speaker 1 No. So we went to this place, right? And it had the Korean flag on the fucking.
In the woods and in the woods of Virginia, dude. You're like, why are there big, three big K's above your house?

Speaker 1 What is that? No one's in there. Yeah.
Completely empty, right? And it was like

Speaker 1 like steak and ketchup mayo i'm not kidding there was no like barely any korean food on there some rice you know what i mean he tricked you into going to the it was a korean restaurant but it was like the worst korean restaurant you've ever been to and you still ate though i had to yeah

Speaker 1 there was no other options Did you tell him? And like the fucking guys were all Mexican. It was fucking crazy.
Mexicans in Virginia and Korean food?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Mexico. This is a sitcom.
It was insane, dude. It was insane.
Four Mexicans moved to the woods of Virginia with their Korean friend, and they open up a restaurant right in the heart of the KKK.

Speaker 1 Y'all got that bim, bim, bap in there.

Speaker 1 Y'all better give me some kimchi, buddy.

Speaker 2 One of the K's stands for Korean.

Speaker 1 Korean. Korean, Korean, Korean.
That's what they chant. No, we're

Speaker 1 a totally different agenda now. We're just Korean, Korean, Korean.
Yeah, I've always wondered, what does Klux mean?

Speaker 1 Ku Klux. Yeah, but are they different? I think Klux just sounds dope.
Yeah. Because the Ku Klux? Like Ku Klux? When you just do Klux, Klux, Klux.

Speaker 2 Like chickens.

Speaker 1 Their origin of the name. The name was probably formed of combining Greek kyklos, kluk, which means circle, with clan.

Speaker 1 So clan's cool. Klux, I've never heard.
What's Ku?

Speaker 2 But then if Klux means Klan, then it's the Ku Ku Klan Klan.

Speaker 1 The Klu Klan Klan. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 A Ku means like an up

Speaker 1 a void.

Speaker 1 Wait, really? It's a void. I thought a coup meant like a a revolute, like a revolt.
Isn't a coup a revolt? I think it's spelled different. Yeah, it spells different with a C, I think.

Speaker 1 I know, but so is Klan is spelled with a fucking C, too, not a K. Okay, okay.
Okay, relax. Okay, K-K.

Speaker 1 Huh. These guys, man, they just are not good guys, huh? What do you think? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. You know what I mean? I keep reading about these guys.
The more I read about them, the more I'm like, they are not good fellas. These guys are just bad boys.

Speaker 2 Their costumes are weird.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, get better costumes.
After all this time, you think they would get in. Also, don't use a torch.
Use your iPhone, you know what I mean? As the light. The light.
Yeah, yeah. That's true.

Speaker 1 Why can't they do that? Jews will not replace it. Just put your fucking iPhone

Speaker 1 in the sky.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 The burning the cross thing must be a whole fucking...

Speaker 1 I mean, like, imagine the guy that, like, that fashions a really nice cross just so they can burn it.

Speaker 1 And he's like, you know, you guys keep it around for a couple more days instead of just burning it every fucking time. It takes a long time to put that thing together.

Speaker 2 But that's like their burning man, you know, that is part of of it.

Speaker 1 And some guy lights it early, and they're like, come on, man, Matthew, what are you doing, man?

Speaker 1 That is pretty fucking ominous there, huh? It's so dark and disgusting.

Speaker 1 Destroying a Christian

Speaker 1 cross lightings. They call it lightings so that they're not burning a Christian cross.
But the irony is staggering.

Speaker 1 It looks so anti-Jesus. It's supposed to be extremely pro-Jesus.
Yeah. I'm guessing.
Lighting shit on fire seems pro.

Speaker 1 Seems like the opposite. Yeah, exactly.
Yeah, I went and go ahead and lit my wife on fire. That's insane.
Didn't want to burn her. I wanted to show how much I loved her.
So I

Speaker 1 wife lit her.

Speaker 1 I didn't burn her. I didn't burn her.
I wife lit her. Have you been watching the Black Mirrors? Yeah.
Yeah, man, and I watched one and I just. The first one?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the one with the one with the Jane is awful.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Joan is awful.
Joan is awful. Yeah, yeah.
And it gave me the heebie-jeebies. I like it.
What do you mean, heebie-jeebies?

Speaker 1 It gave me a yucky feeling in my bones.

Speaker 2 That's what it's supposed to do.

Speaker 1 That's what it's supposed to do. I know, but sometimes sometimes then it's like sexy, you know? Like, sometimes the Black Mirrors are like, oh, yeah, fuck, that's so wild.
What a weird twist.

Speaker 1 This one wasn't as fun of a twist in that. It was just a little bit of a.
I thought the first three were pretty strong. Did you see the second one and the third one?

Speaker 2 I did, but it reminded me. I watched them all, but I don't remember the Oregon.

Speaker 1 Well, the third one is those two dudes that are in the space. Oh, yeah.
And then they have their like robot.

Speaker 1 Don't say anything. I don't want to watch it.
That one's really good. That one's insane.
So dark.

Speaker 2 So dark. And I like that actor who plays Jesse on Breaking Bad, Aaron Paul.

Speaker 1 Yes, here's my problem. This is actually my problem with the new Black Mirror is that I recognize too many people in it.

Speaker 2 But there's such great acting.

Speaker 1 I know, but I like the old Black Mirrors because I didn't know anybody. I loved that.

Speaker 1 Like, even in that first episode, it's like Jabuki Young White and all these people that I've seen before that I'm like,

Speaker 1 oh, I like Black Mirror when it was

Speaker 1 unknown to me.

Speaker 1 Because then I didn't get to attach a person to a thing. Now I see Black Mirror.
I'm like, I know these fuckers.

Speaker 2 Maybe you're just getting so much more famous each year that you recognize everybody in television.

Speaker 1 that's what it is no i think the first season it wasn't that popular it was a new show right and then once something becomes popular actors now they kind of campaign for that like i want to do that i know but i like it when this if they had the if they had the balls to be like well we're successful without you we'll just use unknowns like like I begged to get on Galafanakis' show.

Speaker 1 I told them I would pay them to be on that show. And they're like, we don't use a lot of actors.
We almost use no actors. Martha Kelly was like the only actor that was on that show.
Baskets.

Speaker 1 On Baskets. Oh, yeah, that show.
They barely would employ actors. They wanted locals from Bakersfield and like people that really hadn't done anything.

Speaker 1 And I was like, even in the last season, I was like begging, like, please make me like a fucking rodeo clown and it wouldn't even look like me and dress me up. And they

Speaker 1 do that. You campaign for yourself like that.
Only a few times I've done this. I've only done this.
I'm starting to do that now. Things that I want to do.
It feels gross, though. I don't fucking

Speaker 1 ask to be on something you enjoy.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I feel like that with stand-up shows, but a lot of times the people booking in don't even know you're interested.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they'd like to know. In fact, there's shows where they go, yeah, Bobby's interested.
Your agent calls and goes, Bobby would love to be on that. And they're like, Seriously?

Speaker 1 They don't think that you might want to do it. Really? Yeah.
Well, because they don't, if it's not in their thought process, they might not think you'd be interested. Yeah, I've been doing it.

Speaker 1 I love it. I think it's awesome.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you'd be great on Black Mirror.

Speaker 1 Really? I think it's Yellow Mirror. Yellow Mirror, better.
Yellow Mirror.

Speaker 1 This one's oddly dirty.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

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Speaker 1 Hair Story. Oh, the other day I took a shower and I did the hair story.
I put the stuff in my hair and I used that little syndrome. What's it called? Oh, that little hair scrubber.

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Viator. Oh, who's going to Borabor Bor? I'm going to Borboro, Borbor.
Yeah, and guess what, dude?

Speaker 1 What, babe? I got you a package from Viator. Did you seriously? Yeah, you're going to swim with the fish.
I'm going to swim with the fishes.

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Speaker 1 Show Bob that thing I sent you. This is insane.
Look at this. This is what society is today.

Speaker 1 This is Black Mirror in real life.

Speaker 2 And everyone here.

Speaker 2 You give consent to everyone to kick you in the nut?

Speaker 1 This guy's giving consent to these women to rack him in the parking lot. Oh my god.

Speaker 1 And she makes him bow down.

Speaker 1 Also, look at the shitter on this girl. Nice.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 This poor guy is saying yes to this stuff. You want to go round too?

Speaker 1 For sure.

Speaker 1 Sure. Sure.

Speaker 1 That's not very confident. Sure.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at this. This guy's in.
They're in a parking lot. He's in like a JCPenney parking lot getting fucking racked in the dick at 9 p.m.

Speaker 2 You think he's wearing a cup?

Speaker 1 No, listen, you can hear it. Listen, listen to this next one.

Speaker 1 There's no way. This has got to be what he gets off to, huh? This is his thing.

Speaker 1 Listen to this. Listen to this.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 God.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know what I would do? And then they push him down. If I was that guy, you know what I'd do? Okay, now it's my turn.

Speaker 1 Get on your knees. And I would

Speaker 1 kick my kick

Speaker 1 in his mouth.

Speaker 1 Spitting in this guy's mouth. Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 I guess board shorts might be a good choice because you could have a little bit of room. Oh, my God.
There she goes. Doing it again.
This is weird.

Speaker 2 I think it'd be funnier if they were wearing like business suits.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I tried to find these girls because I was like, you know, I'm interested. I couldn't get a hold of anybody.

Speaker 2 Bobby and I will do it.

Speaker 1 I don't want to, dude. The idea that people can get killed.
This is how sad people's lives are. He loves it.
That guy loves it. That's a Saturday night.

Speaker 2 Yeah, man.

Speaker 1 That was in his calendar. Can you imagine he's texting his buddies? What are you guys doing tonight? We're going to go out to the bar and ba-da-da-do.
You want to come along? He's like, no, man.

Speaker 1 I have

Speaker 1 a double date. Yeah, yeah.
Two girls.

Speaker 2 It used to be funny when people got hit in the nut.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now it's sad.

Speaker 1 It's so sad. What's happening to the game? But that guy is sexually gratified from it.
I think he's a sexual thing. He walks away from it.
He's smiling. Yeah, happy.
But I don't know.

Speaker 1 He doesn't get off to it.

Speaker 2 No, Carlos does.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Carlos watches this. Yeah, I know.
I sent this to Carlos. He goes, I've seen it.
Seen it. Seen it.
Had my way with it. My guess is that he jerks off to it later.
That's what my guess is.

Speaker 1 Like they videotape it. They send him the videotape.
Yeah, I think he jerks off to it. Yeah.
Yeah. There's going to be some sort of sexual.

Speaker 2 Isn't that Dominatrix? Yeah, kind of.

Speaker 1 I don't know. But Dominatrix is not usually just racking you in the nuts.

Speaker 2 I don't. That's how I've been doing it.

Speaker 1 Well, keep getting paid, Lila. Can you cheat? Huh? Can you cheat? Can you cheat? Yeah.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Put a nut cup in. No, because, but then they would hear it and they'd bully you to take it out.
You'd like to say, I have hollow nuts. That's why it sounds like that.

Speaker 1 I guess, you know. I guess you know what? Yeah.
It's just a sack. There's nothing in it.
That's why it makes that noise. Imagine if he was trans and he was like, go ahead, kick me in the nuts.

Speaker 1 And they go to kick him in the nuts, and he's like, ha ha. Yeah.
It would hurt, though. A little bit.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. Not like it does when you have a hat.

Speaker 1 So if we get hit in the nuts, right, and you get hit in the vagina, kicked in the vagina, is yours painful? No, it's not painful. Yeah, but it's not what we experience.
I doubt it.

Speaker 1 How do you know what it feels like?

Speaker 2 You don't have nuts. I've also never been kicked in the vagina, but get over here.

Speaker 1 All right, all right.

Speaker 2 But just getting kicked in general is like, it hurts. So it probably hurt on your part.

Speaker 1 But already, right, right, you don't know, you don't know what my testicles feel like right now by watching that.

Speaker 2 You don't know me.

Speaker 1 Like, can't you visualize what that feels like? I feel it. I feel it too.
It's like when I get to the edge of a tall building and I look over and my nuts kind of go up a little bit.

Speaker 1 They like, they crawl up into my sack

Speaker 1 because they're nervous. They're nervous.

Speaker 1 They get scared. They retreat a little bit.
You know what I'm talking about when your nuts retreat just a little bit. Like when it gets cold, same thing.

Speaker 1 They go, oh, no way, and they retreat just a little bit. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Is that what they sound like? Yeah, no way.

Speaker 1 Well, my right one goes, no way. My left one's like, uh-uh.

Speaker 1 No way. Is your right nut lower or your left nut lower?

Speaker 1 I think they're even. We talked about that before.
They're completely even. I'm Asian.
Everything's like, you know,

Speaker 1 it's science-based. Everything's baseline.
Yeah, everything's just like perfect. Wow.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yours is, huh? One's lower than the power. Yeah, one is lower for sure.
Why? Well, God made it that way. Oh.
Yeah. Well,

Speaker 1 you know, when you're lacing up your shoes and you're trying to get both laces the equal length? Yeah. That's kind of what happened with God with nuts.
He was like, eh, fuck it, whatever.

Speaker 1 And then he put it out. Let me ask you something.
Both nuts, right, has a sperm in it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, no, it creates. They make sperm.
It's not just sitting there filled with sperm. I know, but the two nuts, are they like,

Speaker 1 it's my turn?

Speaker 1 They do it together. They're a team.
Oh, they are? I don't know. It's like you and me.
Oh, really? Yeah. Don't you think if you were a sack, I was a sack, and I'd be like,

Speaker 1 I'd have a mouth. Like this, right? And I'd go, you know, okay.

Speaker 1 Well, he's just last time you came.

Speaker 1 I want to come this time. No, no, I want to.
Yeah, but you did it last time with that one girl. All right.
All right.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Nothing came out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, then you do it.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 1 Oh, so you said they work in tandem. They work in tandem.
Together as a team. I didn't know.
You and I are a perfect nut sack.

Speaker 1 By the way, that whole analogy, two peas in a pot, it should be two nuts in a sack. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Somebody's got to make that drawing.

Speaker 1 You and I are two nuts in a sack. Right.
Now, who's hanging lower? You are for sure. Because I'm just a little taller.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You are for sure.

Speaker 1 But I do crawl up to see you and I'll write back to you.

Speaker 1 I'm like Spider-Man. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I think if we were

Speaker 1 nuts, I think we would like have a movie night. 100%.
Yeah, yeah. I'd come up and hang with you.
Yeah, yeah. Do you have any friends that have their testicle removed from cancer?

Speaker 1 I've had three friends of mine get one nut removed, and then only one of them put in a supplemental ball.

Speaker 1 Whoa, what do you use? A marble? Huh?

Speaker 1 You could. Could I use a marble? A big marble.
You could hypothetically put in whatever you want. That's what I'm saying.
I don't know if they would do it. Maybe.

Speaker 1 You got enough, you know, you have enough cash. Yeah.
Oh, you know what? You know what I would use? What would you supplement? A ping-pong ball. Perfect.
Oh, that's fine. It's light.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it still has the girth. I'd want a Fabergé egg.
Whoa. You're talking in different colours.
Those are hard to find. Yeah, babe.
They're huge. Also, at night, at night, after I'm done fucking,

Speaker 1 I would shine my phone light on the other side of my sack and you could see my nut glow, you know? Right. Oh, I.
So you get a show.

Speaker 1 I would, you know, I'd put my balls and then turn off the lights, and then you'd see like a kaleidoscope show on the wall.

Speaker 1 Oh, whoa. My testicle.
I know what I would do. Yeah, what would you do? I would get my nut from a dead person.
Whoa, who? Dead nut? Oh, which one? I would get like a white dude's nut. Okay.
Ooh.

Speaker 1 Imagine then. George Washington.
Then my babes come out white. Smart.
Right. One black and one white guy.
Smart. Right.
And then I get a Barack Obama. You're a good baby.

Speaker 1 You get

Speaker 1 Tony Bennett just died. You could have his.

Speaker 1 Yeah, real old. Real old, yeah, but a good, but musically inclined nut.
Yeah. Because you already are musically talented.
I think if you got Tony Bennett's nut, it whoa. By the way, rest in peace, TB.

Speaker 1 One of the greatest of all time. Sad.
What would you replace your Vaj with?

Speaker 2 My Vag?

Speaker 1 Well, no, it would have to be one of your tits. It'd be one of your, if one of your tits had to to go,

Speaker 1 what would you supplement one of your tits with? Can't be a fake tit. It's too obvious.

Speaker 2 Okay. Yeah, it's got to be something like,

Speaker 2 I think it'd probably be something like a saucer of ice cream, frozen yogurt kind of.

Speaker 1 Bro, yo. What flavor?

Speaker 2 I think I want to do.

Speaker 1 So it's sagging in the summer. Yeah.
Well, yeah. In the summer, it's just like not quite.
In the winter, though, if you're hard in Canada, oh my god, it's hard as a rock.

Speaker 2 It also stinks in the summer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Whoa. It's like hot yogurt.

Speaker 2 But it happens. But in the winter,

Speaker 2 and I think think I'd make it refillable. So like in the winter, I could do like pumpkin spice.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. Maybe in the spring I do like...
Dude, that is an invention

Speaker 1 for milk out of tits. They should make it so you could stab tits and fuse flavor.
Kind of like at a coffee shop when you're like. The baby was so happy.
A little bit of caramel in there. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 The baby like, chai.

Speaker 1 Right? Do you have a chaga chino?

Speaker 1 Yes, ma.

Speaker 1 That'd be cool. They would want it.
They would love it. That's so interesting.
A chaga chino, by the way, I tasted for the first time the other day. What's a Chaga Chino? Yeah, what is right?

Speaker 1 Mushroom. It's a mushroom.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's a new... Well, it's not new, but I mean, it's new to me.

Speaker 2 New to the West.

Speaker 1 But I fucking hated it. Really? I thought I would maybe like it.
I was like, this might be good. It sounded good.
Did he just fall?

Speaker 1 I almost did. Dude, I had

Speaker 1 a mushroom jerky. I bought it at Air One.

Speaker 1 How much was that? $45? Something like that, yeah. It's so expensive.
And it's supposed to taste like beef jerky. It does not.
Not at all. Yeah, not even a a little bit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it tastes, it doesn't taste. Well, there's some guy, there's some dickhead I saw on TikTok, some little asshole.

Speaker 1 He's going up to people pretending like he's serving food and it's outside of a vegan place and it's meat.

Speaker 1 And he's trying to trick people into fucking giving them, you know, not even them meat. And they got.
What an asshole. He's a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 But the worst part was the reactions are like built for the internet. Like the one guy's like, barely speaks English, and he's like, I got a call le paliz.
And he's like, call the police.

Speaker 1 He's like, I got a call le paliz.

Speaker 1 And it's like, I'm laughing, but i it's awful yeah that he just fed him meat out front of a vegan restaurant terrible terrible pranks what i don't like pranks i hate pranks pranks no not a big i don't like pranks or somebody's at home depot and some guy's like doing a prank like putting putting something on somebody's head where they throw stuff at people oh i hate it yeah yeah the only pranks that i actually do like are like they leave a

Speaker 1 there's one where a guy will put a bike he'll leave a bike like in a park to be stolen and he'll put it on a long chain and then when the guy goes to steal it and ride away with it it yanks the chain and they go flying.

Speaker 1 Those are fun. I wish I want to prank you, man.
What would you do?

Speaker 1 Maybe I go, okay, you're to your wife. I go, I'm gonna, um, what's the matter? No, something happened to your eyes, huh?

Speaker 1 You had a loss of energy in your eyes. No, I'm listening.
I'm listening to you tell the story.

Speaker 1 He could turn white. Yeah, how are you pranking me? I, I, I say, what's your dog's name? Cubby.
Cubby.

Speaker 1 So I want to get like, you know, I mean, a lot of meat, right? And like the carcass of

Speaker 1 Cubby, right? I still don't know where it's going. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, I want to get a replica of Cubby's carcass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 And you're just going to come in from the road or whatever. I'm going to be eating steak.
I go, thanks, man. Delicious, Cubby.

Speaker 1 Is that the prank? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I have the cameras. I want to see what.
So the prank is

Speaker 1 Cubby Yum Yum. The prank is my best friend is eating my dog.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a good one.
It's a good one. I've never seen that before.
Korean friend eats best friend dogs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what do you think? I mean, I think it's believable. Yeah, it is, right? I think the internet will buy everyone.
I'll put blood on my face. You know what I mean? It'll be a mess.

Speaker 1 I'll get a cleanup crew. Keep a cleanup crew.

Speaker 1 Would that make you mad?

Speaker 1 If it's good, does it taste? How does it taste? Delicious. You seasoned it?

Speaker 1 Why give it a piece? Well, give me a piece.

Speaker 1 How would you prank me? What do you think?

Speaker 1 How would I prank you?

Speaker 1 I would probably send you that video that I have on my phone of me and Kalila hooking up. I'd be

Speaker 1 a funny pet. That's good.

Speaker 1 It's a good one. We're 69ing, actually.
Yeah. That's the best part.
I said, we can't kiss. Bobby will be mad if we kiss.

Speaker 1 So we kissed each other's genitals.

Speaker 1 If I did walk into my house and I was fucking Kalilil. And you know, fucking Kalila back when we were dating.
I wonder what I would do.

Speaker 2 And you're like, we're just kidding.

Speaker 1 Hey,

Speaker 1 pranked. I think I just.
Hold on, we have to finish, but you're getting pranked.

Speaker 1 I don't think I would end bad friends.

Speaker 1 I don't think I would.

Speaker 1 It's just, you know, it's going so well. Uh-uh.
But you know what? Of all the people on this show

Speaker 1 that would betray your trust and sleep with Kalila. I already know.
You know who it is. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know who it is. Go ahead and say it.
I'm going to be real. Yeah.
I'm going to go with Pete. Pete.
That's what I was thinking. Pete would do it.
Look at him because he's so fucking phony, innocent.

Speaker 1 He's so phony and innocent and nice. No, that's not Pete.

Speaker 1 why why why is it me oh what kalila's ugly you don't think you'd sleep with her because she's gross do you have wife i have kids he never said he wouldn't do it you yeah you never said no yet okay no

Speaker 1 i don't know if i believe him honestly

Speaker 1 i just don't know i i think it would be like who would break your heart the most if they did it if you in all of life in our crew in our crew in the bad crew our bad friend's crew if you walked in on one i'm the the most confusing one would be andreas

Speaker 1 it would it would i would ponder it for like a year. And how the fuck did that happen? And which one would hurt your feelings the most? In real life? Yes.
You.

Speaker 1 And then which one would make you the most angry, not confused? Confused would be fancy. I would be hurt.
You. That would piss you off.
Yeah. Not McCone.

Speaker 2 He wants you to. Oh, I would.

Speaker 1 No, because at that point, I know how to destroy him. Right.

Speaker 1 Oh, I will destroy. He's not going to have a few.
What about George? Can you imagine how sick you'd be? You'd be sick for months.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, suicide. Unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Suicide. Suicide.
Because you know, at that point, life wouldn't make no sense. Yeah, it'd be over.
I'd be like, I don't know what life's about. It's so confusing.

Speaker 1 It's, it's, talk about yellow mirror. That's your yellow mirror.
That's a yellow mirror episode, dude.

Speaker 1 If you walked in on Carlos hooking up with her, like we had, we actually ran him through that case already on this show.

Speaker 1 Well, if he was doing missionary, I would pull my pants down and fuck him in the ass with it.

Speaker 1 That would be fun, dude.

Speaker 1 He would love it. Then Then it's like, no lessons are learned.
Yeah, no lessons. But George would suicide.

Speaker 1 You kill yourself? It was George? George and my wife? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Not only, no, I'd kill, well, I'd kill everybody. I mean, I'd go on

Speaker 1 everybody. Run around West Hollywood.

Speaker 1 I just,

Speaker 1 the world would be over. It would be over.

Speaker 1 I'd be one of those guys where they just kill as many people as I can.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's insane.
Ruin me. But here's somebody that I wouldn't even be mad at all.
I would giggle

Speaker 1 if it was Jesse. Yeah, Yeah.
That one wouldn't bother me. Yeah, I'd be like, no,

Speaker 1 finish, finish. Yeah, if I caught you sleeping with my wife, I'd go, ah, fucking, what are you going to do? Yeah.
I mean, it would be a discussion. You know why? Because you're so nice and sweet.

Speaker 1 So sweet. And clean.
You know, I treat her right. Yeah, you treat her right.
So it's like almost like, what did I lose here? You know what I mean? How nice was I to you the other night?

Speaker 2 You've been so nice at the store. You seem like you're in a great mood.
I don't feel like you're taking it. I feel like it seems genuine.

Speaker 1 Are you being real?

Speaker 2 You are a great actor, but. Are you being real? I'm being 100% real.

Speaker 1 I sat with you for like 30 minutes.

Speaker 1 That's what she's saying yeah yeah yeah it was my last day working as a door guy and we were in the back video bar like the secret room bobby came in there it was so fun we had i wish i stayed to see that yeah we had like i took off after my set so i was sad that i couldn't come back there it's okay you're no longer a door guy let's give it up for no longer a door guy

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Speaker 1 How do you feel now that you're free?

Speaker 2 I feel pretty weird.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 2 Well, I feel good.

Speaker 1 Are you going to miss that 80 bucks a month?

Speaker 2 I never worked there for the money.

Speaker 1 No, I know. I know that.
I know.

Speaker 2 But, you know, I've kind of gotten, it's like a school and I've gotten everything I could get. Like you guys have kind of helped build my career and I would have never met you if I didn't work there.

Speaker 1 What was great was I saw a lot of people that worked there that wasn't even their shift coming to the store and coming to say goodbye to you.

Speaker 1 That's what this is, I'm going to be a little sappy, but this is what's so important about the world of the comedy store to me.

Speaker 1 Not only is it our home where we, most of us started, it's where I started. You started in the comedy store family.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 what is meaningful to me, and the thing I hope never gets lost generationally, is like it is a fucking community, and it is so cool to see people supporting each other.

Speaker 1 Because in a lot of the chaos of comedy and competition, it's hard sometimes. People get inundated with why did they get that? Why don't I get that?

Speaker 1 But what's beautiful is when you do create a space where people support each other's growth in hopes that you too will get that opportunity, all you're doing is creating a great place to want to like be and come together and create something pretty fucking magical.

Speaker 1 And I hope that never dies because I think that is such a cool thing for people to celebrate your graduation from something.

Speaker 2 It's the best I've ever felt walking away from something because I am all still welcome there.

Speaker 1 Of course.

Speaker 2 Like I just moved into, I'm just in development now there. But it felt really like

Speaker 2 a closure thing.

Speaker 1 So write a passage.

Speaker 2 Yeah, write a passage. Felt like graduating a school that you really enjoyed going to.

Speaker 1 I think it's so special. I know sappy, stupid, but it's like it Jeff when I see stuff like that, even like the names that just got painted, too.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people are posting names like Laura Peak, and it's like it's a cool thing. I like that that's a system that still is in existence.
I know a lot of people don't like the system. I like the

Speaker 1 reason.

Speaker 1 What's going on? I'm sorry. Wow.
Let me see it again. Yeah, I thought you were going to say walrus.
Walrus posted. I still like the walrus.

Speaker 1 No, listen.

Speaker 1 I like that it's difficult to get into that room. Same.
It should be. Yeah.
A little bit. It's a good thing to work towards.
Yeah, I love how difficult it is. Yeah.
Yeah. It's so hard.

Speaker 2 It felt great.

Speaker 2 And now I think it's also good for me to leave, not just because I need to start headlining and really becoming a full-time stand-up comedian, but me leaving also gives more opportunity. That's right.

Speaker 2 Because people will come through and say, what door guys are good to take on the road? And I feel like, you know, I need to.

Speaker 1 Now you know.

Speaker 2 I know, and people could ask me. And it just gives this new class of door guys.

Speaker 1 How'd you sell in Bakersfield? Bakersfield and what else? Sold out. You did? Yeah.
Sold out.

Speaker 2 Completely sold out. It was crazy.

Speaker 1 How crazy is that? That's insane.

Speaker 2 Huge meet and great line.

Speaker 1 No. Bad friends.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 And Bobby, we get 20%. We get 20%.
Oh, you. Yeah, 20%.
Oh, you. 20%.
20%.

Speaker 2 See here gets 10. You guys get 20.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I cut out my feature act. Joel Jimenez came with me.

Speaker 1 I love Joel Jimenez. You have your own features now.

Speaker 2 Well, I can go to do my first weekend.

Speaker 2 This will be after. It'll air after, but it's my first weekend alone.

Speaker 1 I can't bring everybody.

Speaker 2 Wow. First night in Salt Lake City on Thursday and then Friday.
Wise guys, yeah, in Vegas.

Speaker 1 And just both, both wise guys, Vegas and Salt Lake. And then our Vegas might happen.
Oh, yeah, we're working. We got it.
Yeah, we're working. Yeah, we got it.
I know. I'm excited.

Speaker 1 We might do eight guys. Listen, we might do how many shows? Eight a year? Something like that.

Speaker 1 Well, they're working it out. Working out in Vegas.
You want to do them? Bring me, please.

Speaker 2 I just quit my job.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what? You know what's

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 fun. I'm going to be so sentimental.
Go. I just think it's incredible that this is

Speaker 1 that this world is. Uh,

Speaker 1 I'm so happy that you sold out. When I saw that online, I was like, man, that's fucking I texted you.
Yeah, I know. I was like,

Speaker 1 it makes me feel good to see

Speaker 1 you cruise, just cruising, man. Yeah, I mean, you're cruising.

Speaker 2 You guys posting it helped a lot, but Irvine was close, too. And Irvine was twice as big.
So it's like huge.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Fucking unbelievable.
Unbelievable. It's exciting.

Speaker 2 Do you guys have any tips about when I get set up with local openers?

Speaker 1 Well, anyway. Man.

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 1 Haven't we done enough? Enough. Jesus.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, no, no. Whatever you just said, no.
Okay. Yeah, we're not doing that.
The days of local openers. By the way,

Speaker 1 there's some that I meet that I, man, I'm still friends with today. There's guys that I've come across.

Speaker 1 O'Connell. Well, Chris, yeah, became one of my best friends.

Speaker 1 But before that, years and years and years ago, when I was touring on the road, and I was alone and lonely, and I met a couple of really good people.

Speaker 1 It is so cool when you meet cool people on the road.

Speaker 2 I love that. I didn't know you met O'Connor on the road like that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, man, we met in Indianapolis.

Speaker 2 That makes me feel cool.

Speaker 1 And a police officer threw up in my Uber.

Speaker 1 A cop threw up in my Uber. You heard what I just said?

Speaker 2 You were driving Uber?

Speaker 1 We went out that night. We took an Uber.
We went out with a local Indiana state trooper who was friends with another one of O'Connor's buddies.

Speaker 1 And this off-duty cop partied so hard, he threw up in the Uber that I

Speaker 1 because we shared an Uber and he said, he goes, can I take it back to the to the hotel? I said, yeah, I'll just add the stop and you can just take my Uber.

Speaker 1 Then the next morning I wake up with like a $750 charge on my fucking Uber account and I was like, what the fuck? Where did this guy go? Did he drive to Chicago?

Speaker 1 And then I go on my thing and it says, they don't even say throw up. They say like

Speaker 1 internal damage to the vehicle or something.

Speaker 2 So you don't, it could have been the other whole other end.

Speaker 1 No, I asked. Okay.
I texted and I was like, hey, man, did you guys fucking, what did you guys do in the back of that car? And he goes, oh, dude, I'll Venmo you. I'm so sorry.
How much?

Speaker 1 He's like, the entire backseat was coated in throw-up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I wish I could do that with you, man. I know.
I mean, why is it when I get drunk, it doesn't we don't have that thing? Because yours is toxic and you get poop all over the place.

Speaker 1 I know, but my point is that. Well, that's enough for me.
You guys always follow me around to see if I'm gonna be okay or whatever. Yeah, because you're insane.

Speaker 1 Because when you got drunk in Mexico, you were up to absolutely no good. Why? Because I asked for a drink at the fucking restaurant? Yeah,

Speaker 1 no, because when you did get drunk,

Speaker 1 you recluse to your room and we couldn't find you to get a hold of you.

Speaker 1 You turn off your phone, you drink by yourself, you take pills, you throw up, you poop everywhere, and then you wake up at 5 p.m. the next day, and I'd rather you wake up at 5 p.m.

Speaker 1 the next day without booze and drugs in your body. Rock on, dude.
No, no, no, rock off. Rock off.
Rock off. Rock off.
No, no, no, rock and sit. Rock and sit.
Yeah, I don't know how to do it like that.

Speaker 1 You just don't have that trigger. Yeah.
You don't know how to fucking turn one of the machines off when the other machine goes on. You know who else is like that? Carlos.
Yeah, you are. I know.

Speaker 1 Sky's endless.

Speaker 1 Dude, it's helped me get sober, like, really stay in. Watching you on the bus that night.
Watching you, I go, oh, yeah, that's why I don't drink. That one night?

Speaker 1 McCone showed me the video footage of us in Nashville when he was rolling around on the floor of the bus. Oh, yeah.
It was insane. It's insane.
I was under tremendous stress.

Speaker 1 You were rubbing your back on the floor of the bus, laughing like you were itching, like a bear engineer.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to repeat what you would say. Say some of it.
No, you would say things. I'm like, oh, shit, that's the most racist thing I've ever heard in my life.
100%.

Speaker 1 It was no comedy or nothing. It was kind of like whatever the word.
I felt comfortable with my friends. That's really, and I think I was under a lot of stress at the beginning of the tour.

Speaker 1 I did it more than usual.

Speaker 2 Victim, blame, victim, victim.

Speaker 1 I'm not playing the victim. I'm saying I had fun with my friends.
You did. But are you an alcoholic? Let me ask.

Speaker 1 I think I'm, yes, that I'm very much like an addict.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah, I don't think you're an alcoholic.

Speaker 1 I think you're an addict across the board because I don't think you need alcohol to function every day, but I do think that you will take anything and any opportunity to get fucked up. Yeah, to like.

Speaker 1 Do we need to intervene? Not yet. When? Not yet, he said.
I've tried.

Speaker 1 Well, you just yell, it's time. Yeah.
Well, that's that's I mean, that's how I do it. It's time.
It's out of control. I was under stress on tour.
You know what happened to me.

Speaker 1 Do you think if we tried to actually get you real help, you would want to go? No. Okay.
He's not ready. I can tell.
Yeah, because you got to want to do it. How do you get there?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Yeah, but

Speaker 1 what got you there when you, when I first met you, you were sober. Yeah.
What happened before that to get you there? Oh, gosh.

Speaker 1 I went to rehab and I relapsed after. And I was like, I can't.
I was too young. It was like destroying my life.
When I met you, you were using again. No, I was sober.

Speaker 1 No, you were sober when we first met. Yes, exactly.
And then you started using pretty quickly. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
And it's been a long time. Yeah, after divorce and all that, I was like, fuck it.

Speaker 1 Well, divorce is going to make you relapse. Yeah.
I imagine going through a divorce makes you relapse i think me and kalila's break breakup was yeah

Speaker 1 i think that was really hard for yeah yeah that was tough your dad died that was a big one yeah yeah yeah i want to i want to talk to you guys about the racial inequality of sleep

Speaker 1 black americans aren't sleeping as well as whites and here's and here's why that's a public health problem and what what can be done to fix it said the atlantic this is where we are now in society that we're blaming racial inequality on not getting good sleep you know who doesn't get good sleep everybody i know I haven't slept in fucking years.

Speaker 1 I can't sleep at all.

Speaker 2 I've been having a hard time.

Speaker 1 I can't sleep.

Speaker 1 Me either. I can't sleep at all.
You know when you meet someone that can sleep well, you're almost suspect of them when they're like, oh, dude, I'm getting fucking great sleep.

Speaker 1 And you're like, what's going on? You have nothing going on?

Speaker 1 How could you get really good sleep? You know who gets good sleep at night? Who? Pete. Yeah, he gets good sleep.
I think Andreas does too. No, Andreas definitely doesn't.
He doesn't?

Speaker 1 When we met him, he had a full head of hair. Oh, that's right.
Fucking, he doesn't sleep at all. And now he's got a baby.
He's definitely not sleeping.

Speaker 1 Pete, when he has his kids, he doesn't fucking pay attention. His beautiful wife does all that shit.
That's right. Sleep through the cries, you know? Let the wife take care of it.

Speaker 1 How responsible of a father are you, Pete? How involved are you? Truly. Honestly.
Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 2 It is Sunday at night.

Speaker 1 Not a lot. Not a lot.
Yeah, it's Sunday. He's out fucking.
I'm here.

Speaker 1 Was your, when your wife, when your wife would pump, would you, like, would you help organize that for her and like, you know, rub her feet while she was pumping so it made the day easier or cooked her the meal?

Speaker 1 Nothing. Did you ever clean while she was taking care of the kids? No.
Nothing.

Speaker 1 Pete, let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 When it's good nighttime, what time is nighttime? When time is sleepy time? I usually go to bed around 11. Okay, so when it's sleepy time, you take a shower first?

Speaker 1 No, I'm a morning shower. Okay, good.
So you lay in bed, you say good night, sweetie.

Speaker 1 Now, give me the win. How long does it take? From good night, sweetie, to you going to bed.
Physically sleeping, he's saying. Like an hour.
It takes an hour. It takes an hour.

Speaker 1 Because I usually go on my phone. I stay awake.
Right. But then I sleep good.
Yeah. When I lay in bed, it's a four-hour drama.
At least. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's a flight to It's a flight to New York.

Speaker 1 It's a flight to New York, yeah. That's how I feel.
Yeah, there's like a lot of suffering going on.

Speaker 1 Sleeping is like, it is, when I think about trying to get to sleep at night, I think, this is a journey. I'm doing ayahuasca almost every night in bed, trying to get to sleep.
It's fucking impossible.

Speaker 1 Yeah. But in the middle of the day now, I'm able to take a nap once in a while, which I never used to be able to do.
Yeah, I've been taking a nappy nap.

Speaker 1 But now I'll play with the dog on the couch until I take a little nappy poo, and that's supplemented my lack of sleep at night But I can't do it Do you eat in bed? How many people say do I?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know me so well. Yeah, I don't eat in bed.
I don't even eat in my car. Yeah, yeah Fucking do you eat in your car Carlos you eat in your car

Speaker 1 Pete you do

Speaker 1 I never eat in my car. Yeah, I can't eat in the car.
No, I want I want to eat when I get to a location where I can eat have you eaten anything a sandwich in bed?

Speaker 2 Well, my last place I did for sure because I didn't like the common areas.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she had to look that you had to yeah bed was her place. We lived in the bed.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We ate all meals in the bed.

Speaker 1 But now, would you eat in your bed now in your new place? A snack.

Speaker 2 I'll eat a string cheese in the bed.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no. That's not eating.
Yeah, yeah, that's easy. I'm talking about something.

Speaker 2 You eat a whole chicken.

Speaker 1 Okay, thank God. Would you eat, how about this? Let's go through.
Would you eat like, if you had a couple slices of pizza, would you sit in bed and eat those? No. No.

Speaker 1 So that's spill factor, grease factor. Oh, God, no.
Pizza, no. Carlos 100% would.
Look at his smile. 100%.
In my car, I would, for sure. No, not in bed.
What's your limit of eating in bed?

Speaker 1 What would you eat in bed that you know that I would be like, that's insane? You wouldn't like that I've eaten cereal in bed. That's

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 good. Why are you eating cereal? Yeah, why are you eating cereal in bed? Like oat milk dripping.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 that's disgusting.

Speaker 1 He's the kind of guy that brings the oat milk with it into the room and pours it in. 100%.
And you know what he does, by the way? Yeah. When he's done eating the cereal, he.

Speaker 1 I do eat in bed, by the way. What do you eat? Pussy, baby.
What's up? Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing, bing.

Speaker 1 When you eat the cereal, I know Carlos, he'll eat eat it right, and then the little bit of milk that's left over at the bottom, he'll put it on his bedside table, and it'll, it'll stay there for weeks and weeks.

Speaker 1 He doesn't take that bowl back to the kitchen. I do, I take the bowl back at night, like at 11 o'clock or something.

Speaker 1 No, you don't. The next day, the next day, the next morning.
I've done the next morning before.

Speaker 2 Do you have a washer and dryer in your unit? Yeah. That's why he can do stuff like that.
What do you mean? Because it's no consequence. He gets to pull some oat milk.
He just puts some in the thing.

Speaker 2 He doesn't got to get quarters.

Speaker 1 You've got to go to a washer and dryer. You've got to go to a location.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I'm not risking it.

Speaker 1 But is your laundromat inside your apartment complex?

Speaker 2 It is. Well, yeah, it's broken right now.

Speaker 1 So you've got to walk somewhere. Or drive.
I'll drive, yeah. Oh, man.

Speaker 2 And you've got to get the quarters ready, which is a whole thing.

Speaker 1 Do you remember when we used to have to do that? Are you kidding me? I thought about it the other. That's so fucking funny.
I literally thought about that the other day.

Speaker 1 We were driving in Santa Monica, and there was a huge laundromat, and it was midnight. We were coming home from a restaurant, and it was packed with people, packed with people three nights ago.

Speaker 1 And I thought,

Speaker 1 Man, I remember that. Me too.
Doing my laundry at one in the morning sometimes between, you know, like, that was the only time it was, like, freed up enough and I had space and I wasn't working. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Hey, can I come to your house to do laundry?

Speaker 1 No. No, no, no.
That's insane. It's insane.
Why would we let you do that? I don't know.

Speaker 2 You care about me.

Speaker 1 I think we've done a lot.

Speaker 2 Not enough, but.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Oh, oh.

Speaker 2 I want to go to Vegas.

Speaker 1 No, you don't. You don't.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No more, no more.
That's insane. That's insane.
What you just said. I got to tell you, what is this? Oh, oh.

Speaker 1 Another video sent me. Let me see.
Okay. Big screen.

Speaker 2 All right, so picture this. There's a couple in Australia, and they were trying to figure out what to name their baby girl.
And so the husband had a great idea. He said, let's name her

Speaker 1 Lanesra. This is for you, Bob.

Speaker 1 And the wife was like, pause it. Pause it.
Can you guess? Lanessra. Come on, it's for you.
Really? Yeah, it's just for you. Okay, I want to.
Can I... I'm not good at riddles.

Speaker 1 It's like a golem riddle.

Speaker 1 Look at the name.

Speaker 1 LA. You see it.
Do you see it? Well,

Speaker 1 let me me get you. Oh, I see it.

Speaker 1 It's for you, Bob.

Speaker 1 Lane. Lane's Raw.

Speaker 1 Come on, baby.

Speaker 1 I don't know. All right, play it.

Speaker 2 But it was his favorite soccer team, Arsenal.

Speaker 1 Arsenal backwards is Lanestra. Whoa.

Speaker 1 That's what you should name your firstborn. Lanestra.
Or what's Guner backwards? Noog.

Speaker 1 Yeah. What's Gooner? Type in the the word Gooner.
Let me see what that looks like backwards.

Speaker 1 This guy loved Arsenal so much, he named his daughter Lanestra. Well, my favorite rugby team is Koog.

Speaker 1 Koog. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let me spell Gooner. It's G-O-O-N-R.
Yeah. Renoog.
Yeah. Oh, so your son's name is going to be.
Renoog.

Speaker 1 Renoog. Renoog.
Renoogue is an awesome name. Yeah.
Renoogli. Renoogli.

Speaker 1 Renoogli.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to do that. Sounds like the jungle book.
Urban Dictionary has a different definition.

Speaker 1 A gooner, a man who watches porn, typically gay all day long and strokes for hours while edging non-stop. That's what it says there.
That's what it says. That's insane.

Speaker 2 The last part's the crazy.

Speaker 1 And becomes retarded in the process. Are you being real? That's the.
I'm a gouner. You're a big

Speaker 1 gooner.

Speaker 1 That's perfect. Speaking of which, you know, fucking Real Madrid is here right now.
I know. This episode will be out, but Real Madrid is here.
Arsenal is playing in two nights. With Barcelona.

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to go.

Speaker 1 You said that you could get me? I'm going to go. We're going to take you.
Arsenal, are they with CAA? Is that what you're looking for? They might have some players with CAA Sports.

Speaker 1 That's why your reps could. That's why you could have been an agent, by the way.
Just because I know that. I was in the mailroom at William Moore.
I know you were. You could have been an agent.

Speaker 1 You could have been a great agent. Yeah.
Because you kind of have agent look.

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah, especially when you wear the gold chain and the suit jacket. But

Speaker 1 with your hair the way it is, balding with a ponytail is like an old agent. Yeah.
Although you can also withstand insanity. Yeah, watch.
Do it to him, Bob. Give it to him.

Speaker 1 Because I used to do things in the fucking boss. Oh, yeah.
And I could see you absorb insanity. I love insanity.
Yeah, and he's good at like, and you'd go, Bobby, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll do it. Yeah, he would.
He would, you're like one of those guys. You don't fight back.
Yeah, that's agent shit. But insanity gives me like fuel.
Like, it's like a, it's like a fun job.

Speaker 1 Like, who would be on your client list right now? Right now? Yeah, come on, name some people.

Speaker 1 I would have tried to grab y'all.

Speaker 1 You can't have us. Yeah.
Right now, I would probably go poach people during the strike. I'll tell you who's available.
Army Hammer. I would immediately sign him.
You would sign him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and I would try and get him like a Netflix deal in Yugoslavia or something. Whoa, look at CCL.
He is good.

Speaker 1 They don't care about Me Too shit out there. So they'll just take him.
Right, they would take him. Yugoslavia, they would take him.
Yeah. Who else would you sign?

Speaker 1 Danny Masterson?

Speaker 1 From jail, we could do a podcast. Podcast.
See, this guy is.

Speaker 1 So you're thinking that. He's moving and shaking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy is always moving and shaking.
I'll take all the canceled people.

Speaker 2 Cosby?

Speaker 1 Yeah, what would you do?

Speaker 1 We would make so much money. That tour is never going to happen.
Look up Bill Cosby on tour. There's no, yeah, that's not going to happen because you're not repping him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we would make, yeah, we would send him to like South America and Asia. You know who's opening for Bill Cosby? Who? Whoever he makes.
All right, we'll be right back.

Speaker 1 All right, all right. Plans to tour in 2023.
Yeah, that's an old artist. It's not going to happen.
That's what I mean. Yeah.
Fucking loser. That guy sucks.
He sucks. Fucking sucks.

Speaker 1 You think he'll sell tickets? Piece of shit. Yeah, of course he'll sell fucking tickets.
So many people will go to see him.

Speaker 2 They're in denial or they don't know about it.

Speaker 1 No, no, it's not even that.

Speaker 1 They want to see. It's like the way I saw an accident yesterday and I stopped like a moron to look at it.

Speaker 1 People want to see chaos.

Speaker 1 If I asked, if I said I got tickets front row to a Cosmos show and backstage, would you go? I would immediately call a hair and makeup person to get us in in disguises.

Speaker 1 Right. Who would you look like? Huh? Who would you look like? Who would I dress up as? Yeah.
Steve Harvey?

Speaker 1 My hero? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love Steve Harvey.
I would do Bernie. Bernie Mack.
Bernie Mac. Bernie Mac? Yeah, yeah.
A Mac.

Speaker 1 And I would be like a skeleton because I'm like, you know, I'm dead. Oh, my God.
I'll have a skeleton mummy kind of vibe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. What did I see? Look up a 105-year-old Mexican grandmother.
This woman, they gave her like a cake. It was online.
There was a woman in bed on TikTok.

Speaker 1 It was 105. And I was like, She's not dead.
Her, she's not dead. Oh, that's the one? That woman? And that's got to be the one.
105? Yeah. That's crazy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, when you're Mexican and a woman and you look like Voldemort,

Speaker 1 you're dead. 105.
That's insane. Wow.
105? Yeah.

Speaker 2 She's making the best tamales, though.

Speaker 1 She's making the best Aymales. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 How could you last at Look at that? It's always Asians, by the way. Yeah, 119.
119? Young, young, still young. Yeah, Kane Tanaka.
She was the oldest living person. What do you do at 119?

Speaker 1 For fun? Sleepy. I think you get excited when you're.

Speaker 1 Look. Yeah, when you do that.
Look what I'm doing.

Speaker 1 With your finger. If you're able to look to the left.
Right, that's a big thing. That's a huge deal, though.
What did you do today, great, great, great, great-grandmother? I look to the left.

Speaker 1 She turns her head. You just just hear like,

Speaker 1 like, what do you do? Do you watch Netflix?

Speaker 1 Imagine.

Speaker 1 She's like, I just listened to little Yachti's new album. She knows everything.

Speaker 1 She's bumping that shit. Yeah.
She likes raisins and praying. That's what God is.
Raisins and gin-soaked raisins and prayer are the things that made her last that long.

Speaker 1 Gin-soaked raisins and prayer. Let's get in on that.
We gotta get in on that. You can't have that.
Yeah, you can't have that. You can't do that.
Yeah, you can't do gin-soaked.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know what you do.

Speaker 1 What's going to keep, what's going to keep you, you know what keeps people, you know, what keeps you young?

Speaker 1 Your, your attitude. You know how many people I know go, your boy Bobby, how old is he? And I always say, he's 51.
And they go, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 Everybody, because of your attitude and your approach to life, everybody thinks you're 40. Yeah.
It's insane. I think that's the way to do it.
Your approach. Yeah.
Your approach.

Speaker 1 Your approach to life is always going to dictate how people receive you. Yeah.
Look at, look at Pete.

Speaker 1 Pete's 19.

Speaker 1 Whoa, you look like shit, Pete. Pretty grizzled for you.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, whoa. And he's never been, he looks like he's fought in wars.
Yeah. But he hasn't.

Speaker 1 He's just, that's his chiseled, grizzled way. That's it, man.
Yeah, when I see women at my age, I'm like, you can't date. I just can't do it.
And it's not because I just can't do it.

Speaker 1 What's the oldest woman you would go on a date with?

Speaker 1 40. Well, that's very appropriate.
Don't you think that is?

Speaker 1 Of course that's appropriate. A 40-year-old woman? Yeah.
Like a divorcee with a couple of kids? Yeah, 40. 40.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 40, I think, is, I know you won't, but I think that's commendable. I got to say this.

Speaker 1 This episode has been great without Fancy, and I'm happy he's not here.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. I thought I was going to miss him.
Didn't miss him even a little bit. Didn't miss him even a little bit.

Speaker 1 That's what I'm saying. Yeah.
We miss him.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you did his podcast, which, you know, everyone's done it except for me.

Speaker 2 You got to do it.

Speaker 1 It's unfortunate. No, everybody says you got to do it.

Speaker 2 I had fun.

Speaker 1 Be the rebel, don't. Does it pay? No.
Yeah, well, then what am I doing is popping up? That's what Chet Hanks asked me. Does it pay? Chet Hanks asked for

Speaker 1 to be on Fancy's show. That's very funny.

Speaker 1 Well, I mean, I can't believe he'd want to do anything after being on that Eric Andre show. Did you see that what Eric Andre did to him? No.
My God.

Speaker 1 You need to watch that. It's fucking amazing.
What is it? The Eric Andre show. That's what it is, yeah.
Yeah, he fucks with Chet Hanks the whole time.

Speaker 1 You'll see. I mean, it's great, dude.

Speaker 2 Is it new season?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, yeah, this past year's season.
It's great, dude. It's just

Speaker 1 absolute brilliance, that guy's show. I wish I had a show like that.
That's so fun. If we did a bad friend show where we just like fucked with guests, that's so fun.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 is that

Speaker 1 he signed up to do that? Does he know? They all do. They all do.
Everyone that comes on there, they know it's chaos. I mean, if you've watched it once.
Yeah, yeah. Would you do it as a guest?

Speaker 1 He would never ask me to be a guest. I don't think he would ask me either.
Well, we're friends. It'd be weird.
He wouldn't want to be down there. He wants people that he

Speaker 1 kind of doesn't know. Right.
Because then it's like you're allowed to get away. You can do everything.
You don't want to do that to your buddy. It'd be weird.
It'd be feel.

Speaker 1 So all, because I've never seen it. That was the first time I've ever seen it.
Really? Yeah. Oh, it's such a good show.
It's so funny. It's such a good show.
There's so much good shit. Really?

Speaker 1 Like, so much. I want to watch it.
Ugh.

Speaker 2 I haven't seen it in a long time. I saw it when Hannibal was on it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, now Felipe is. That's awesome.
Felipe is his sidekick. That's correct.
Hannibal Burst used to be like the sidekick on the show. Oh, really? Yeah, it was hysterical.

Speaker 1 And they would fuck with people together. I mean, it's just so good.
It's just like that's the last remains of like comedy being free and stupid for no reason. Yeah, yeah.
It's so fun. Gayblade.

Speaker 1 Gayblade's so fun. Yeah.
That's what's so bad. You know what? That is not to give credit, but like, that's why Mad TV became successful because it didn't take itself that serious.

Speaker 1 It was fucking whackadoo nonsense. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It didn't care.

Speaker 1 So people could say whatever they want about comparing that to SNL because they were like, SNL is this like tied-up, Emmy writing-winning show

Speaker 1 and took itself very serious.

Speaker 1 Fucking Mad TV never took itself serious.

Speaker 1 Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 1 That was fucking great.

Speaker 1 Hearing, Heary! Hey, y'all! Hey, we're launching a Patreon. That's right.
Patreon.com/slash bad friends. And you get more than more.
You get more than more.

Speaker 1 Not only do you get the episode on Friday instead of Monday, you get it Friday. At the

Speaker 1 end free. So you get the episode at free on Friday instead of on Monday.
And you get extras. Bonus content.
And, you know,

Speaker 1 weird stuff. Like this.
The Bad Friends Court is now in session. Honorable Judge Bobby Lee and Honorable Judge Andrew Santino presiding.
Let's hear it. Here we are.

Speaker 1 Tony's Sertoria employees broke into her restaurant and stole her secret recipe for the legendary perfect pizza. Pizza gate.
Pizza gate. We know the secret sauce on the counter.
Three.

Speaker 1 One, two, three.

Speaker 1 You're on with the bad friends. How thick is it? How thick is it? Are you Mormon? Yeah, that's great, man.
We love you, and I hope you don't get deported anytime soon. Goodbye.
So,

Speaker 1 patreon.com/slash bad friends. What is it, Bob? Patreon.com slash bad friends.
Gotta do it. The link is in the description below.