Bobby's Beatbox & Night Leaking w/ Rick Glassman

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Speaker 1 Hey, hey, y'all!

Speaker 1 We're going back on tour.

Speaker 1 We're going back on tour in the fall. We're going to be on the tour in the fall.
We're going to go to Rochester, Rochester, New York. Then we're going to Northfield, which is Cleveland.

Speaker 1 We're going to Homestead, which is basically Pittsburgh. Then we're doing two shows there.
And Boston, Mass.

Speaker 1 Boston, Massachusetts, Washington, D.C., Denver, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, Chicago, Illinois, Minneapolis, and Madison. Madison, Wisconsin.
So go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets. Bad friendspod.

Speaker 1 Badfriendspod.com. Jesse has a couple of shows coming up.
Go ahead.

Speaker 2 I got Wednesday, July 12th. I'm at the Irvine Improv.
I'm bringing some friends to open the show. And Friday, July or Saturday, July 15th, I'm in Bakersfield.
I'm new to this.

Speaker 1 That's okay. You're doing fine.

Speaker 2 All the ticket links are on my website, jessiciejohnson.com. You'll see some Salt Lake City and Vegas and Austin on there, too.

Speaker 1 Go check her out. Thank you, guys.
You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You two or something. We're bad friends.

Speaker 1 How is the Hawaii?

Speaker 1 Dude, I know. So much.
Howabanga, dude. Howabanga.
Howabanga. Aloha, mahalo to you, my friend.
Aloha, mahalo to the bad friends fans. The first part of the tour is done.

Speaker 1 Thank you so much for coming out on the first part of the tour. Yeah.
We really appreciate it. It was amazing.
It was incredible. Did you have fun? It changed my life.

Speaker 1 In what way? Well, I know who my friends are.

Speaker 1 That's a fact. Not him.
Not him. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, that's not true. That's not true.
So you block me all the time.

Speaker 1 Oh, my. That girl lied.
That's Carla. Yeah, yeah, that's Carla.
Then you're pushing away.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's like

Speaker 1 de-batmitten.

Speaker 1 So quick. No, this girl lied and said she didn't, she was single.
Then she shows up with her home gun.

Speaker 1 Yeah, thanks for reminding me of that. I wasn't even thinking about that.
Oh, wait, I need to tell you a story that this is about. That this is about.

Speaker 1 I'm at the event yesterday in Vegas,

Speaker 1 and a woman comes up to me and says, oh, man, we're such huge bad friend fan, me and my husband. Hey, he waves.
I said, hi, what's up? She goes,

Speaker 1 how do you wave? Hey, he waves. Oh, like that.
Okay.

Speaker 1 And he goes,

Speaker 1 we went to Philly at the Met, and you guys came out here for the tournament. He says, yeah, we loved it.
It was so incredible. And then he goes, ask him, ask him.
And I was like, what?

Speaker 1 And she goes, the girl that said her husband died

Speaker 1 in a boating accident, she brought this up. And I said, yeah.
And she goes, she was a plant, wasn't she? I said, no, we don't have any plants at our show. No.
There's no such thing.

Speaker 1 There's no greenery. What do you mean, plant? No plants.
No plants. Now the trees and stuff? Yeah.
She wants to know if there was foliage.

Speaker 1 If they were part of the foliage, she was like, you guys plant her. I said, we've never done that.
Anyone that's from the audience that gets on a part of the show, it's organic. Or organic.

Speaker 1 And she goes, no way. You guys did that.
I said, lady, not only did we not plan her, she is a liar. Her husband was alive.
A lie. She said he died.
Yeah. We believed it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we had a moment of silence on stage, I think. Well, then we were like, dude, dude.
Because he died in a boating.

Speaker 1 We did make a lot of boat jokes. We did make a lot of boat jokes.

Speaker 1 But she got a little bit of a check. And then she comes backstage and she was just kind of, I mean, if you're listening, hi.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 it was a little weird back then. It was clever of her.
She tricked us. She

Speaker 1 boozled me. We brought them all back, her and her three friends, backstage.
Yeah. And it got a little weird.
I got mad. I think I got mad.
Well, because you felt duped.

Speaker 1 You thought her husband was like a drink. I don't like being duped.

Speaker 1 You are not a dupe yet.

Speaker 1 Nobody better dupe Bobby from now on speaking of someone

Speaker 1 like during dupe i was there during pearl harbor that's a big dupe and i was sleeping look my cousin my look my cousin's in the u.s navy dude that's right that's right right i was sleeping in his bunk we're at the second bunk man yeah siren you know i mean that's what the source sign

Speaker 1 yeah that's right i'm like what going on what going on because you know i mean i back then i had an accent right of course yeah what's going on what going on right and explosions this and that my cousin died my point is, is that was trickery, too.

Speaker 1 That was bamboozlement. Yeah, and I don't like it.
I got laid that night, too.

Speaker 1 During Pearl Harbor? No, the night that that lady lied in the green room. Yeah, because that's what you do.
No,

Speaker 1 it wasn't. You grabbed me the liars.
First of all, let me say something right now. Okay, I'm not looking for anything right now.
By the way,

Speaker 1 you're good. You're good.
I'm good the way I am and the way life is. That's right.
But my point is, is that I know your heart and it's dark. No, I was such a good friend to you the whole tour.

Speaker 1 No, you're not. That's insane.
I had your back. I bought you elf bars, jewel pods.
Oh shit. Oh yeah, yeah.
Some characters. You are a friend.
Yeah. I forgot.
You're a friend.

Speaker 1 This is such a 22nd century friend. I bought elf bars, jewel pods.
I'm your best friend.

Speaker 1 But so thanks for those. But

Speaker 1 let me think about it. And then

Speaker 1 I got closer to you and Jesse. That was good.
Yeah, that's cool. Yeah, and you got a face tattoo? No, it's just star face.
It's like for a pimple. I put it on there, but it's the pride one.

Speaker 1 Why? Just. Are you trolling? You know, that's troll.
This is called gay baiting, and they don't like it. Really? Yeah.
Yeah. No, in the gay community, they think it's that's a very no, no, no.

Speaker 1 I just support get skin colored next time. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay, well, you don't believe in the moment. No, I'm not saying that.
You don't know the kind of things you say about the LGBT?

Speaker 1 What do I say about them other than

Speaker 1 troll? They're going to hell. What do you mean? Oh, my God.
That's so

Speaker 1 on the bus. You said they don't belong in the same schools as us.
I did not say anybody.

Speaker 1 You the one that said that, man. Whoa, you're right.

Speaker 1 You know what? You're right. I can't say that.
I got to tell you, though. Yeah.
An all-gay school would be very fun to visit. Oh, I would love.
I would agree. Oh, my God.
Would they get any work done?

Speaker 1 I don't think so. Nothing would get taught.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing.
Singing, everything. It would just be just fucking and partying.
Yeah. You know, whiteout, you don't use whiteout.

Speaker 1 You just come, come.

Speaker 1 It works just as good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're gay baiting. It's actually baiting.
It's actually a big thing. I never said that, by the way, everyone listening.
I love the gays. I love love the LGBT and the other letters that are.

Speaker 1 I know you get to longer. Clearly, Bobby has never said that they should be in different schools.
That's why I say that.

Speaker 1 That's just he said they should have different water fountains, but that's, I understand what he's saying. Yeah, I think white people should have their own, too.

Speaker 1 And Asians should have their own. And the Asian one will be fucking cleaner, and it would have like other things that it does, like the toilets.
It's a little soy sauce dispenser.

Speaker 1 You know that we already have. Why would I have soy sauce in the fucking water fountain? You guys always have rice on your person.
You always have a watery face. Wait, it's a water fountain.

Speaker 1 We'd have another fucking fountain for rice. No, no.
Why don't you birds of one song? Yeah. By the way,

Speaker 1 we do have Asian water fountains and white water fountains already. When you look up school water fountains, there's always one at regular height.
There's always one load of the crowd.

Speaker 1 Those are for the little people, dude. That's you, man.
No, that's not for me. Those are made for Asians.

Speaker 1 You can't tell me those are made for, there's not that many little people. Yeah.
No, those way more Asians. There's billions of you guys.
Yeah, they built that for you guys.

Speaker 1 You can go to images in a school. Yeah, you can buy one, though, too.
Okay. Can we have one of those inside of the office? You know what they should have then?

Speaker 1 A one like on on the roof for the gigantism.

Speaker 1 We should just do it for every size. You know what I mean? See, look, there they are.

Speaker 1 That's for me and for you.

Speaker 1 That is me and you, 100%. Yeah.
And can I say something? We peed one time in a fucking bathroom together and I took the little one. Yeah.
And you giggled. I did.
What a piece of shit.

Speaker 1 But also, I can see over the divider. So I can see when you can see your little penis and the thing.
Not little penis, regular penis. What's that? What's that? What are you doing? What is that?

Speaker 1 What are you doing? What are you doing? It's a kid with gigantism.

Speaker 1 that's what a kid looks like with gigantism

Speaker 1 oh no oh no

Speaker 1 carlos carlos

Speaker 1 why would you start that

Speaker 1 thank god carlos why do you start if you ever have a baby it's gonna come out all up yeah 100 it's gonna have a hand here it's gonna be you know just the foot's gonna be gigantism the hand's gonna be midget you're done teleosis it's gonna be a whole thing and a hyper progeria and all that all that you're done dude you don't ever have a baby dude for sure because you're evil dude you're an an evil boy who gay baits.

Speaker 1 I'm evil because I laugh every time he puts out a fucked up face.

Speaker 1 I laugh. It's so not good.
You know what a girl said to me, actually? This bothered me a lot. I've never seen a baby with

Speaker 1 a baby.

Speaker 1 I've never seen it either. Thank you.
God bless you. Thank you.
Very much. Thank you.
You're earning some points.

Speaker 1 A girl said to me,

Speaker 1 I should be repulsed by...

Speaker 1 Carlos, but I'm oddly attracted to him. A random girl said that to me.
Yeah, women are, yeah. In Vegas.
A girl goes, I should be repulsed. I love bad friends.
I said, thank you.

Speaker 1 She said, I should be repulsed by Carlos. Verbatim.
She goes, but I'm oddly attracted to him. And I said, what is it? And she goes, I think because he's like an honest little grimy weirdo.

Speaker 1 And that was such a great phrase. An honest little grimy weirdo.
That's what the liar girl, she said, I was Bobby's sneaky little friend. And I'm like, oh, that's a great way to describe me.

Speaker 1 You're not sneaky. You're grimy.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah, you're grimy.
With a little sneak. With a hint of sneak.
A little babe sneak. You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 I did something grimy a couple weeks ago. Give it.
Tell us more. I went to a milking table.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait. You used one? Wait, wait.
No.

Speaker 1 Like Clockwork Orange, one of those barns? No, no, no. Not like the milk.
I love those milk. Not the Milkovilla set.
You were drinking Milco Villa set. No, no, no.
Not the hallucinogenic milk.

Speaker 1 No, I went to this. It's like reverse massage

Speaker 1 where you get on a table and there's a hole. We had one of these in the first season of Dave.
We premiered, we had it on the show. I pull into the garage and he's getting milked.

Speaker 1 You put your cock through a table and they milk you from the bottom. Exactly.
I went to one of those. Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 There's a place that has these? No, it's just someone's apartment. I was going to say.

Speaker 1 But she's certified in milking, I guess. Wait, so how many people were getting milked? It was just me.
Wait, wait, wait. It's somebody that you met on an app? No, it was like through a website.

Speaker 1 A website, so it's a sexual thing that you paid. How much was it? It's cheaper than you'd think because there's no sex.
It was only $200.

Speaker 1 And then you put your penis through there and then what happens? And then she goes under and milks you like you're a cow or something. And you have to move?

Speaker 1 Do you have to?

Speaker 1 How funny would that be?

Speaker 1 You don't have to move, but

Speaker 1 she uses her hands or her mouth?

Speaker 1 Anything. But what did she use? Is there a bucket? Her mouth and hands.
There was no bucket. Is there a spit bucket? Her mouth is the bucket.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait. So you stick your dick through the thing.
She eats your job. And when it comes out, she gets some protein.
What the fuck is that? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't think she might have a protein deficiency. She might have a deficiency.
This might be a solution to her problems. Yeah, that's a good thing, though.
I got to tell you. Was she hot?

Speaker 1 No, she's underneath the milking table. No, I thought she was attractive.
She could have been hotter, but you know why you thought she was attractive? Because it's 1 a.m.

Speaker 1 It's 1 in the morning and she milked you. Exactly.
Wow. P could milk me.
I'd be like, she's all right. She's kind of hot.
So you got milked. You paid $200.
You say thank you and go home or you chat.

Speaker 1 I usually

Speaker 1 chat for a second. I'm like, oh, how's the night going? Are you busy?

Speaker 1 And I'm always like, get get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah.
I'm always like, be safe. Like, I can help it.
You know, be safe. Yeah.
Like, you know, what does that even mean?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm a nice client, but you know, you don't know about the net. She's letting people into her house to be milked.
What's where's the safety net?

Speaker 1 Well, I hope that she had, like, if someone walks in and she gets a weird feeling, that she's like, sir, can you please leave?

Speaker 1 Weird feeling like a random guy that comes over to put his dick through a table and get milked? Yeah, but some are cool. Like, I passed the test to be letting us a riddle, like Gollum.

Speaker 1 No, no, it's all.

Speaker 1 It's all energy it's all energy uh what's my energy like you can get milked well what about him i'm not gonna get i don't want to get milked anyway if you would does he have the milk energy no i don't think he has milk energy he has like undercover cop that's what i'm saying i would i would that right let me say something

Speaker 1 for us you guys are fucking busted no you're seriously busted i am a cop you're going to jail pete put your fucking hands down you're not going to jail you're his partner geez yeah

Speaker 1 does he look like a yeah pete looks like a cop cop oh yeah he looks more like a cop cop than I do. He looks like a Long Island cop.
He's the guy at the station telling everyone where to go.

Speaker 1 I have a question, though. The silver.
The dispatcher.

Speaker 1 Are you completely naked? Yeah, they say get comfortable.

Speaker 1 Because I don't get it. When you're laying on the table, are you not, you're not hard at that point.
I'm getting there because I'm so excited. Let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 When the milk, I don't know because I've never talked to a cow before, but when the cow's being milked. I'm right here.
Right.

Speaker 1 Well, you wouldn't be milked because you're a man.

Speaker 1 Are you a woman?

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Do they get, I mean, because it's a titty, right?

Speaker 1 Do they get aroused in a moment? Do you get a little aroused? Like, that feels good, you think? Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's got to be some payoff for them. Yeah, yeah.
That's kind of how nature works. There's got to be a feeling.
Depends on how built up the milk is in the teeth of the cow.

Speaker 1 The pleasure is more relief of being milked. Yeah.
So it's like when you take a piss, when you're like, oh, that kind of feels like. Oh, it's not a sexual feeling.
Yeah, really.

Speaker 1 But sometimes taking a piss feels like sex. It's incredible.
Yeah. When you have to piss real bad and you let one rip in the morning and you're like, my God,

Speaker 1 it feels like

Speaker 1 you did something. You completed a task.

Speaker 1 Pee? I just feel really good. When I take my first piss in the morning, I feel incredible.
And look in the mirror. Yeah.
Don't you stare in the mirror right after you pee and you're like,

Speaker 1 you ever have pee contemplations at four in the morning? If I should get up and pee or just piss the bed?

Speaker 1 No. I've had.
You wake up and you go, I think I have to pee, but I'm so tired. Oh, yeah.
And go, and then you have that little contemplation like, should I go now? But I end up always going. I go.

Speaker 1 Have you ever had one where you feel like you're peeing in your dream and it wakes you up and it's like last second, you got to go. Otherwise, it's coming out.
Oh, I've never had that. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 I've had that multiple times where it's about to come out. My dream, I'm pissing in my dream, and my body's like, get up, get up.
You know what I have one time in my dream the other week?

Speaker 1 I spit and it woke me up and I had spit

Speaker 1 on my pillow.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Yeah, night spits. Is night spitting a thing? Because I've had it multiple times now.
Oh, so while you looked that up, what's the deal? I got a massage. Of course, I get naked every time.

Speaker 1 Drooling your sleep isn't uncommon, not a sign of health problems. Sometimes people produce saliva they can swallow.
Yeah, I guess sleep apnea. That's what I got.

Speaker 1 I want to know what you were dreaming about when you spit. It's got to be a scenario.
I was looking at a picture of you.

Speaker 1 Do you spit on the headshot? No. It's a headshot of me.
You know what I think?

Speaker 1 I think I was in the dream. I was like, I had a chew in or something, and I was spitting in my dream.
Like we were walking and spitting and talking.

Speaker 1 So do you get naked in a massage?

Speaker 1 Or you leave your underwear on? Well, I mean, if it's a guy.

Speaker 1 I never have a guy. I always have a woman.
Well, then I don't get completely naked. You don't? I do.
You do? With a guy? With a girl. When you have a female masseuse and they say,

Speaker 1 dress down to your comfort level, do you not get naked? If it's at the gym, no.

Speaker 1 At a massage place. Oh, I've never been to a real massage place.
Like Burke Williams.

Speaker 1 Dude, yes, pause. This guy has never been to a massage place.

Speaker 1 You've been to a milking apartment

Speaker 1 and you've never been to a massage place.

Speaker 1 In your 39 years of life, how old are you now? 36. 36.
Oof. 36 years.
You've literally never went to a professional massage parlor. No, only at Equinox have I done it.
Yeah, but that's a spa.

Speaker 1 That's a spa. That's the same thing.
Yeah, and you paid. Yeah.
Okay, who knows with this guy? Yeah. But of course I paid.
Okay.

Speaker 1 But is it a private room or is it amongst all the gym equipment? I've never been there. No, no, it's a private room.
Yeah, it's like a spa. I didn't have proper spa.

Speaker 1 I never got, I don't think I got completely naked. Pete, what do you do?

Speaker 1 I just, just boxers. I don't get completely naked.
I'm not going to get naked every time. Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's weird, I think. Is it? Yeah.
Wait, really? Because did they go take all your clothes off? They say dress down to your comfort level.

Speaker 1 And that's your comfort level? Completely naked? I sleep naked. I love being naked.
You sleep naked? Yeah, every night and it's insane. Why?

Speaker 1 All the liquids that come out. What comes out? What are you talking about? Nothing should come out at night.
Okay, you have two holes down there.

Speaker 1 One, two. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think there's seven all together.
yeah there are no one

Speaker 1 one two three four five six seven yeah there's seven all together chicks have ten

Speaker 1 yeah yeah

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but i mean what liquids coming out well those are the two holes they have the out of all the liquids that can come out of your body those are the two you know i mean forbidden holes i know but what comes out at night i don't leak at night who you leak at night you can fart you spray things you know i just realized someone had asked me a friend of a friend who i really respect who's much older, was like, I got to listen to your podcast.

Speaker 1 And now I'm like, shit, is he going to, this is, this is going to be his interview this week. Is a milking table and leaking at night? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, you don't leak at night, do you?

Speaker 1 What do you leak?

Speaker 1 Have you heard this? Have you heard this? I don't care. Have you heard this? When you fart, right, and you can smell it, right? There's particles in the air.
I move the blanket over when I fart.

Speaker 1 I know, but still. I fart outside the bed.
I literally will raise my ass up, move the blanket over the bed. So there's particles on the side.
Well, they're on the side of the bed. By the dog.

Speaker 1 Where the dog is. By the dog.

Speaker 1 Okay. So for me, it's like,

Speaker 1 if you wear underwear or whatever on boxers, the particles may stay in your underwear. No, they don't.

Speaker 1 I guess it doesn't make any sense. Look, show a fart, show infrared fart going through boxers.

Speaker 1 Someone had to have put this on the internet. Maybe.
And you don't have any pre-come that comes out?

Speaker 1 No, look at watch. Okay.
Look at

Speaker 1 that. Little pootie-pootie.
Whoa. Infrared farts are incredible.

Speaker 1 Incredible.

Speaker 1 By the way, this technology was developed for NASA

Speaker 1 and the military. And now we use it for this.
This is what's great about the human race. Well, that's how the predators hunt their people, the farts.
Look at this little fart dog. Yeah.
Poop.

Speaker 1 When your dog farts, do they look up at you? Or do they not, they pretend like it never happened? When they fart? When the dog farts. No, he just ignores it.
Well, I have four of them.

Speaker 1 They just ignore it.

Speaker 1 She does a thing now where it used to be when she was young, she would fart and then move about like it just didn't happen or she didn't really realize it.

Speaker 1 But now she'll fart and then look right up at me. Yeah.
And I'll go, what'd you just do? And then she goes,

Speaker 1 a little breath. Like she knows she was a bad little bad tootie booty.
I was hungry with this girl a couple months ago, and in the bed, I had

Speaker 1 no idea. I pumped it.
No, I pumped in.

Speaker 1 When I pumped in, something pumped out.

Speaker 1 It was a pump-in-out kind of.

Speaker 1 I've done that. So I farted.

Speaker 1 Oh, you farted. Yeah.
I thought you meant she farted. No, no, no, no.
Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And

Speaker 1 in my mind, I'm like, you know, do you acknowledge it?

Speaker 1 I did and I go like I said it like that. Sorry.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 Were we in Canada? I don't know. I mean, that's how I said.
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry. And she didn't, she kind of like her eyes went

Speaker 1 like,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Like she couldn't believe.

Speaker 1 Her eyes went, but you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Like, should I end it? You know what I mean? Like, I want it done.
No, I want to delete it. Yeah.
Have you done that? No, I've never farted while fucking. No.

Speaker 1 Where you pump in, you pump out. But there's sometimes But there's sometimes when you take it out that it goes

Speaker 1 and it gets a little bit of a... Oh, that? Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
But that's like... That's them, not us.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a trauma queef. Yeah, it is.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's a pussy queefing out of trauma.

Speaker 1 But that's why I said this, Hades. When you get older, especially if you're in a relationship, like Pete knows, you have a big dinner, you're not fucking.

Speaker 1 When you're young, you can go out to eat, have a meal, have dessert, have coffee. You just go home and fuck.

Speaker 1 You get older, you're eating dinner.

Speaker 1 I'm not boning after we eat a big meal. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm going to fart. She's going to fart.
You're going to roll over, make noise. Your stomach's going to be growling.
Oh, so you guys fart in front of each other. No.
Well, I mean, I do.

Speaker 1 She really rarely does. She rarely farts in front of me.
Do you poo? I mean, does she.

Speaker 1 She hasn't pooed since I met her. I know.

Speaker 1 Does she close the door when she poos?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I do. You don't close the door when you shit.
Well, I think that's the problem with Kalal and I. We just kind of like, like, I took a shot.
I would take a shower while she's taking a shit.

Speaker 1 Absolutely not. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think we that's it. That's not good.
I think we figured it out. What? I think that was the problem.
I think that's the problem. I think that was the problem.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, when you start doing things like that, it's like it takes away from you. It's cool to be comfortable, but if you're in the shower when she's pooping, or vice versa.
Absolutely not. Yeah.

Speaker 1 And do you want to be in the same bathroom? You have more than one bathroom. I have three.
Yeah, well, what the fuck are you doing in the same bathroom then? Yeah, that's true.

Speaker 1 Okay, in the future and the the next level of your life? Yeah. No, no, no.
No farting, even.

Speaker 1 Nah, you can farting. I don't want to.
It's so natural. I know, but you've smelt mine.
Yeah, they're bad. Hold a minute.
They're so bad. This guy wrecked the van.

Speaker 1 Twice he'd be asleep in the back of the van. Who, me? You.
Yeah. And let it go.
In life, the worst smelling thing in life.

Speaker 1 Second, my fart. What's number one?

Speaker 1 Carlos's breath. Okay, I got it.
Yeah, I caught on. Insane.
Insane. Then that's not true.
That's not true. That's not true.
Although a guy did.

Speaker 1 I broke your heart. No, he got sad.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. Don't look at me.
He did it. Now

Speaker 1 you got sad there for a sec. We got in a fight backstage a couple times about it.
About it.

Speaker 1 You did? With Bobby. He wanted to.
He was like a fighter fisherman's friend. Yeah.
The strongest mentor in the world.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And those things didn't stand a chance.
No.

Speaker 1 They melted in his hand before they got it. They dropped out of his mouth.
No!

Speaker 1 They committed suicide.

Speaker 1 Like his body was 9-11. I'm the World Trade Center.

Speaker 1 You were towered too. Yeah, yeah, towered too, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

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Speaker 1 Hydro. I caught it.
You? They gave me one. I got one at the house.
I love it so very much. It's incredible.
And I'm rowing in the morning and it wakes me up and gets me juiced. Well, what is it?

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Speaker 1 Hair Story.

Speaker 1 Man, we love it. Rick uses it.
Use it, right? Yeah, it's really, really good.

Speaker 1 In fact, I tried another product recently because I was out and I'm like, no, no, no, I want to go back to Hair Story and I have to pick it up. And I'm going to say that.
This is the truth.

Speaker 1 Hair Story is the best known for its hero product, New Wash, the first of its kind, custom formula that cleans, conditions, detangles, restores hair without harsh foams and damaging detergents found in traditional channels.

Speaker 1 You know, that's what the woman who cuts my hair, and also,

Speaker 1 let me say, the woman who cuts my hair, of course, because of show business, she's a

Speaker 1 lead.

Speaker 1 New Wash gives you your best hair day. She does with all the celebrities.

Speaker 1 You can use New Wash. She's

Speaker 1 the head of the

Speaker 1 Wash however you like, as it never

Speaker 1 for cleans.

Speaker 1 gives you the that's what she says

Speaker 1 so read all you want but I'm telling you firsthand a woman who not only does my hair movie star hair hair story that's what she uses you know why that's what she uses formulas made with gentle ingredients aloe vera sunflower seed oil jojuba seed oil that's what she said yeah and evening primrose oils by the way they balance they smooth they strengthen nourish and they clean your hair by comparison traditional shampoo is the worst thing you can eat a lot of times it strips a lot it has parabens

Speaker 1 caused rashes you may not even realize you have an intolerance to it but But if you want to know that you have a new wash-rich look in your hair, Rick, do a little shake for us.

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Speaker 1 Vroom! Vroom is the better way to buy and sell used cars. Look for your next ride.
Go to Vroom.com now to shop thousands of cars right from your phone. Don't you hate going to the car lots?

Speaker 1 I hate going to the car lots. I hate having to wait for someone to help me.
I also hate when somebody finally does. I know they're only interested in making their commission, but not Vroom.

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With Vroom, you're never going to have to haggle and negotiate the price of a car. So you know you're going to get a good deal.
Bob?

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All you need to get started is a license place number or a VIN.

Speaker 1 Just answer a few questions about your car. And Vroom gives you a price instantly.
You don't have to be buying a car from Vroom. You don't have to be selling a car to Vroom.

Speaker 1 But if you want to browse browse thousands of cars instantaneously and wet your whistle a little bit, why don't you go to Vroom.com and check it out right now. Bob, tell them where to go.

Speaker 1 Vroom, it's the better way to buy and sell your used cars. So head over to vroom.com now to see what your current ride is worth and check out thousands of cars and to find your next one.

Speaker 1 That's vroom.com. Vroom.com.

Speaker 1 We have a guest that showed up to say hello to us.

Speaker 1 What are these chairs? Is this a Google?

Speaker 1 You guys are like the most successful podcast?

Speaker 1 They're like legit like $900. Yeah, that's Gucci.
What does $900 have have to be with nice?

Speaker 1 They're from France. Oh.
Yeah, Gucci. Yeah, those are Gucci from France.

Speaker 1 Let me say something, Tammy. Can we introduce my friend to hear what? Go ahead, baby.
Sure, we're going, yeah? We've been going. I got a bud for my bud, by the way.

Speaker 1 I don't care if you're trans or not.

Speaker 1 That's a good beer. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Let me pretend to be the CEO. Did you see him get interviewed about this? No.
It's a very funny clip. Like, ask me if I would do this campaign again,

Speaker 1 knowing the knowledge I have. What's his name, do you know? I don't remember.
Look up CEO of Bud Light, who

Speaker 1 that guy right there, that photo. What's his name? Brendan Whitworth.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, Mr. Whitworth.
Knowing what you know now, if you could go back and change the campaign that you did,

Speaker 1 what would you do differently?

Speaker 1 Well, I'll tell you, you know, we're going to continue to listen to the fans, and we're going to listen to the consumers, and we're going to continue to strive to make some of the best beer that's ever been consumed on planet Earth.

Speaker 1 That's what we're going to keep doing.

Speaker 1 I'm still a drinker. See what I mean? It worked.
That scene, though,

Speaker 1 if I did a movie based on this guy, I would have kept that in. That would have kept in? Would he be related to J.G.
Whitworth? J.G. Whitworth.

Speaker 1 877 Cash.

Speaker 1 It's my money, and I want it now. You know what? He just got himself a $40,000 ad for free.
At least. Rick.

Speaker 1 Bobby.

Speaker 1 What up?

Speaker 1 Hi. I like your socks.
Rick's about to leave the country tomorrow. Where are you going?

Speaker 1 I'm going. I'll give you an impression.

Speaker 1 You'll figure it out right away.

Speaker 1 Jamaica. It's London.
Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Jamaica?

Speaker 1 You gotta guess.

Speaker 1 Show them what Jamaican is. Jamaican? Yeah, this would be Jamaican.

Speaker 1 This is Jamaican. Oh, hello.
I'm Jamaican.

Speaker 1 This is Jamaican. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Baby boy. So you go to London.
London tomorrow? No, no, no. I'm going to a few few places.
I'm going back home to Ohio to be with the family.

Speaker 1 I'm going to be going to New York and New Jersey to be with me with my lady and to do some comedy.

Speaker 1 You got some gigs set up? I don't have any gigs set up yet. No, I'm going to be with my lady, but while I'm there, I'll do some gigs.
Well, I have to say something.

Speaker 1 You know, me and Andrew have been on the road. I've been seeing.
Yeah. And wow.
We do a lot of meet and greets and stuff. Very cool.
And a lot of times we have to sign your cards. Tyso cards.

Speaker 1 I told you about them.

Speaker 1 I called you about them. My cards.
They're your cards. Well, they're Tyso cards.
You don't have any? No, no. But they're your cards.
We have two of them right up there sitting on our desk.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we do. Bobby doesn't have a set.

Speaker 1 You brought more. I love this, Rick.
I love it. But my point is, is that in my mind, I'm like,

Speaker 1 oh, this guy, I think that you're really coming up in the world, and people really are big fans of yours. And

Speaker 1 congratulations. Thank you.
Honestly, the amount of cards we signed of these types of people. How many do you think? So many.
You know what?

Speaker 1 I have to give a shout out then to the artist, Scott Hepern, who is a Marvel Illustrator. He's incredible.
He does Marvel stuff. He does a lot of Marvel stuff, and he does those.
These are so cool.

Speaker 1 These are so cool, man. And people come off.
Bobby, you suggested to be Toad, so I hope you're not insulted. No, I love it.
Great. Yeah, yeah.
What else would I be?

Speaker 1 Captain America. Okay.

Speaker 1 Fuck. I could have been Captain America.
What am I? Would you do a Captain America impression of Bobby if you were Captain America? If he was Captain America?

Speaker 1 It's good. Go away.

Speaker 1 Is that good?

Speaker 1 I don't

Speaker 1 have an accent? You and Amir and eric i really don't have an accent what are you talking about yeah you do i do go away

Speaker 1 there it is captain america yeah but are you english is that captain america is that an english accent whoa go am i sounding like a captain of america you do go away

Speaker 1 get iron man around here to get you to iron man yeah yeah these things are

Speaker 1 complaining about the chairs man burt broke that one yeah made a buying i'm sorry thanks for coming

Speaker 1 I love you. Is that what you say to every girl you have sex with now?

Speaker 1 I'm saying it's a nice thing because you're a good lover. Answer it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 1 I appreciate you coming.

Speaker 1 It helps my self-worth. Yeah.
But if you're wondering, yeah, you get them at Tysocards.com. Who gives a shit? Yeah, who gives a shit? Just buy them.
And I like your sweater, too. That's dope.

Speaker 1 Thank you. What is it? Corridor.
How did you know that? Because I was on their website earlier. You were on this website? Earlier.
I didn't know their brand until I saw this thing a week ago.

Speaker 1 Is it a good brand? Corridor? Yeah, I'll send you one. Send it to me.
Can I get the same one or no? You can. I don't understand the thing where people are like, no, no, no, I have that shirt.

Speaker 1 Wear the shirt. Yeah.
Let's all wear the shirt. I would love for us all to wear the shirt.
I kind of want to have shirts. I had a lot of

Speaker 1 you don't want your best friend to have it. Why? Because it's your best friend.
You're going to see him in it. He's going to see you in it.
Please. How many times a week is he going to wear this?

Speaker 1 Four? Oh, those are cute. That's it.
That's the one. It's $795.

Speaker 1 Holy fuck. Oh, it's about as nice as this chair.

Speaker 1 Selling a lot of Tyso for it. I got to tell you,

Speaker 1 that chair is more expensive than that sweater.

Speaker 1 That's pretty much a deal.

Speaker 1 That's a pretty good deal. But, Rick, I was thinking, why don't you go on the road? Because so many people know who you are.

Speaker 1 I'm starting it now. He's doing it.
You're going to play the club. Go to esteronice.com to

Speaker 1 find my tour dates. Okay.
Good. Go check them out.
You're so funny. No, that's Esther Provitski's site.

Speaker 1 I don't have a tour set up yet. But you need to just

Speaker 1 stream her site to yours somehow and make it so when you go to her site, it goes to yours. I know I could could make mine go to hers, but I don't know if I could do that.

Speaker 1 Well, we could just try to hack it somehow and make hers go to hers. Do you have hacker fans? Yeah, pizza hacker.
That's how we met him. Pizza Hacker? Sure, and get me some without cheese.

Speaker 1 Well, no, no, no, there's no cheese. There's no cheese.
Good. Yeah, we made sure there's no.
That's a cool pizza joint. Pizza Hacker? Pizza Hacker.
Pizza Hacker.

Speaker 1 Get the pie.

Speaker 1 Good, right?

Speaker 1 I just made that up a week ago.

Speaker 1 The pie.

Speaker 1 Get the pause though.

Speaker 1 So you go, pizza hacker, get the

Speaker 1 pie. But it's pie 3.14 pie, right?

Speaker 1 Right. Pizza hacker.
It's the symbol. Get the

Speaker 1 pie.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Would you like to invest?

Speaker 1 How much?

Speaker 1 $795? Sure. Or if you got a kick sweater.

Speaker 1 You know we take sweaters. We've been taking sweaters for years.
Yeah. Can you take a break?

Speaker 1 Are you going to throw to his commercial now? Because if so, we'll get you a rug. Go ahead.
Snap to it.

Speaker 1 All right. Yeah, so here's what we're going to need from you.

Speaker 1 Show a picture of where you want it to go. Approximate size.

Speaker 1 But is it old? I feel like you have old-timey Jew rugs.

Speaker 1 I don't want old-timey Jew rugs. What do you want? New Christian rugs? You want new Christian rugs?

Speaker 1 What does that come out? Yeah,

Speaker 1 that came out great. That came out anti-Semitic? No, that came out.
I love Jews. I just hate their old rugs.
No, that's not what I'm saying. It's just what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't put the Jew in there. We got one of a kind, kinds, but we also go.

Speaker 1 What we would do is you would show me your colors and style influences, and my dad would send you some manufacturer websites. Manufacturer websites.
Okay. Many of them are not even Jewish.

Speaker 1 You look through, you see what you like. And my dad is a saying, Andrew, shorten the show.

Speaker 1 That's right. We'll find a few things you like, pick something out, we'll send it out.
Okay, let's do it. I need a rug.
But they are Jewy rugs. Fine, I'll do a Jewy rug.

Speaker 1 You're like, it sounded weird when I said it. And I didn't mean it to come on when you walk on them.
They go, oi, oh, ow. Constantly.

Speaker 1 they really complain the rugs

Speaker 1 what does koi kovoirt mean it means i'm oh my back oh my back

Speaker 1 covolt is iraq no kovoit is back kvoit yeah kepi has had convulsed

Speaker 1 scrotum is this going in and out no no this podcast

Speaker 1 what's what's there it is there it is is that a nickelodeon neck neck chain

Speaker 1 well that's that

Speaker 1 there you go

Speaker 1 I did Doubledare, yeah.

Speaker 1 You didn't do Doubledare.

Speaker 1 I went to a Doubledare event. I wasn't one of the contestants.
They said that I was too. They said I was too

Speaker 1 Jewish.

Speaker 1 This was the 90s. Oh, so they said the other one.

Speaker 1 No, they said we already have a Jew. Do you remember that big nose with the slime that had the flags that came out? Please picture?

Speaker 1 That was actually Jewish Whitmore. That's Jewey Whitmore? Jewy Whitmore.
Whitmore, Whitmore, and Cabal. Yeah.
And Cabal. Whitmore, Whitmore, and Cabal.
Yeah. He's one of the best.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he got strong recently. Dude, what happened?

Speaker 1 He got that superhero movie.

Speaker 1 Once you land one of those, it's over. Yeah.
That's crazy. He used to be a comedian.
Yeah, that's why we don't want you to be Captain America because then this whole thing would go fuck.

Speaker 1 I could be one. Bobby said he was going to start a training regiment to get in shape and get jacked by the people.
Oh, you're going to get fucked by a whole bunch of guys? Yep.

Speaker 1 Because that's the only training Bobby you'll ever do. We'll be right back.

Speaker 1 Oh, it is good to be.

Speaker 1 You make me happy and sad at the same time. Why do I make you happy? When I see you, your face, I just love you.
I really do. I think we're friends, and I look at you, and I just,

Speaker 1 it's a ball of goodness. But how can you stop looking at me? There we go.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 There's just so much energy and all that. It's great.

Speaker 1 Did you see how I came in kind of calm, though? You did. It came in great.

Speaker 1 I'm coming in calm. And you had to go pee.
Yeah, I didn't know that you were starting. I thought maybe you were doing something else.
No, we started earlier, but we just wanted to see you come in.

Speaker 1 We wanted to see your vibe when you walked in. How was it? Sunglasses.
It's pretty cool, right? Real strong. Pretty strong.
The Nickelodeon chain is probably pulling most of my focus.

Speaker 1 These guys like the sweater, but I've kind of been pining for that. I'm not going to lie.
Chris Pining?

Speaker 1 I have a surprise for you. Pine-tarring.
Chris? Dude, if you do.

Speaker 1 Can you come in and do Chris Pine? No, he can't.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 with that guy. How long is that? That's a hard impression to do Chris Pine.
No, it's not. Do one.
Fine.

Speaker 1 What's the Wonder Woman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hold on.
Let me wonder.

Speaker 1 Ching, ching. Careful, racist.
I guess you could say that. Oh, yeah, it was too much.

Speaker 1 Well, that was me clinking my fucking

Speaker 1 two times.

Speaker 1 What would you say would happen if you have a weakness in your armor? What would you call it? Chink in the armor. No, it's not what I meant.

Speaker 1 But clink is a racial term. Oh, you fucking dirty clink.
I've heard that before. Yeah, you have.
Yes, it's a plumber wife. Get in that whole clink.
It's a plumber's wife.

Speaker 1 It's a derogatory term for a plumber's wife. So, um,

Speaker 1 you do Wonder Woman. Fuck it.
No, you're doing it. You're Wonder.

Speaker 1 I'm Wonder Woman. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 1 Dude, that's Chris.

Speaker 1 That was Kiana Reeves.

Speaker 1 Oh, I was thinking of Matrix. Oh, okay.
I guess I can't do a Chris Pine. Nah, I don't think anybody can.
It's really hard.

Speaker 1 Because he's kind of very like.

Speaker 1 Dude, that was it.

Speaker 1 He's

Speaker 1 brooding and approachable, though. I think he's an underrated movie star.

Speaker 1 I really think he...

Speaker 1 Underrated? Yeah, he's... When people are thinking of like movie stars, no one is like Chris Pine.
They're always like Tom Hanks. Chris Hemsworth.
They give him the other one. Chris Hemsworth.

Speaker 1 I have to say that he's where he's supposed to be. I'm a huge J.G.
Abrams Star Trek fan. Yeah, he's fan.
They're famous.

Speaker 1 I think everyone in there nails it. I fell in love with Benedict Cumberbatch from that Star Trek series.

Speaker 1 Who does he play?

Speaker 1 Bach.

Speaker 1 Sebastian Bach. Is he not on the show? No, no, he's not.
It is a one-syllable name, yeah. Yeah, like Zorn.

Speaker 1 Do you know what it is? Because the original movie, they did a movie with,

Speaker 1 you you know what I mean, the original cat. Oh, yeah, you were one of the.
It was called Wrath of Khan. Khan.
Khan. You played Khan.
Khan. Isn't that cool that I know that? How do you know that?

Speaker 1 Because I hear things.

Speaker 1 It's the same thing with Harry Potter. I hear things.
I don't know what it is, but I hear it. Man, he was good in that.
Harry Potter? Khan. Benedict Coverbatch.
Oh, we could do that. Let me do that.

Speaker 1 And then I watched the Sherlock series. Let's see if we can finish it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know it. And it was.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Was that it? That was good. See what I mean? I'm embedded in the middle of it.
It sounds like when Hans Zimmer has diarrhea.

Speaker 1 Did you know that

Speaker 1 in Star Trek, it starts out with, you know,

Speaker 1 they're going on a mission for five years?

Speaker 1 That's because they wanted, that's five years to hit syndication, and that's why they did that. No, interesting.
100 eps. Yeah.
What if they said that they're going on a mission for 100 episodes?

Speaker 1 It's funny. That came out out along that.
That was made the same time the show as the Mission Impossible show, and the network only wanted to pick up one of them.

Speaker 1 And they were going with Mission Impossible. And you know who made Star Trek a thing? Who? Lucy O'Ball.

Speaker 1 Whoa. Yeah, she was an executive producer of it, and she was like, no, we like this.
And then they ended up doing both of them.

Speaker 1 Can we get a moment of silence real fast for Alan Arkin? Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Man, he was a good actor. He was so good.
I'm just a bummer. Yeah.
That's one of those where you read it and you go, no, don't do that. Not him.

Speaker 1 He's a guaranteed laugh in everything he's done. He's so good.
He's a good actor.

Speaker 1 You were great. You would have been a great spock.

Speaker 1 There was almost made a documentary on Leonard Nimoy.

Speaker 1 He was a rug.

Speaker 1 He was a rug. No, he was bald.
Was he? What? Yeah. Yeah, he was a rug.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 A rugman. You're saying he wore a rug.
He's a rugman.

Speaker 1 We're going to refer to Jewish actors as rugmen.

Speaker 1 I'm going to start referring to.

Speaker 1 Go for it. Go for it.
Search. Hunt for it.
Go for it. You're right there.
I feel it. I already know what it is.
We'll say it. Whitmores.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Call 877 Cash Now.

Speaker 1 877 Cash Now. It's my money.
I want it right now.

Speaker 1 I love that woman that yells out the window. She just leaps out of a window in New York.
I can't pick it up. It's my money.
I want it now. To a city, to just a Roman city.
Can I be honest with you?

Speaker 1 I literally have no idea what you guys are doing. You've never seen this commercial? Maybe this will help you.
Maybe this will help you.

Speaker 1 Call J.G. Wentworth.
877 Cash No.

Speaker 1 877 Cash No.

Speaker 1 877 Cash No. It's my money and I want it.
Meow. Call J.G.
Wentworth. We'll insure your cats and get you money and mine right away.
Good to say cats. That's why you are who you are.
Missed.

Speaker 1 There we go.

Speaker 1 Came on by showing you, Xiaomi.

Speaker 1 Speaking of cats, show them the cat thing. I'm fascinated by this.
Bobby's going to love this. Bobby just checked out for a second.
He does. Look know what I'm saying? Ricky, I want you to see this.

Speaker 1 I just saw this the other day. Okay.
It's from a while ago, but this is the first time I've ever heard of this. There's a prison where they give every prisoner a cat.
Oh, yeah. I love this.

Speaker 1 Do you know this, Bob? I never heard of this in my life. What do you do in Vietnam? Oh, boy.
Lunch. For lunch.

Speaker 1 Hit play.

Speaker 1 What does she say?

Speaker 1 And after about a month, the warden called me.

Speaker 1 They were worried that they would rape. And it's just groans.

Speaker 1 Well, they never killed him. 25 to 30 cats here on a regular basis.
This feeling of pride coming off of all these men. Pause it.
They are

Speaker 1 pun intended. Can you imagine at night?

Speaker 1 At night, these cats are just like chilling together at night, and they're like, how did we end up in this situation? We're surrounded by murderers and rapists. We've got to get out of here.
But

Speaker 1 don't you think with prison being a for-profit institution that a lot of these people aren't rapists and murderers and the actual U.S. government is the biggest rapist of them all? We'll preach.

Speaker 1 Hey, during the commercial break, did you catch the pause joke I made? I did, and I heard it, and I just didn't let it land hard enough. But it's fine.
But I should. Yeah, let's try it again.

Speaker 1 No, no, no. It's fine.
We'll move it. And we're back.
Yep.

Speaker 1 Can you pause it? Yeah. It's already paused.
That's why it's not going.

Speaker 1 It already happened.

Speaker 1 That joke only had one life, one life, one life.

Speaker 1 One life, one life, one life, one life. One life, one life, and that's nine.

Speaker 1 I was already at nine.

Speaker 1 I took your.

Speaker 1 There it is.

Speaker 1 there's no way cats have nine lives yeah but here's the thing do you think really think they got nine buddy if if I if if I knew that I'd be a millionaire you are a millionaire well then what happens ask me off camera what happens at the end

Speaker 1 they kill and rape the cats yeah no really or they embezzle them no really what happens they fill them with cocaine for all of these

Speaker 1 what happens is

Speaker 1 what happens is for a moment in time this does keep cutting out are you hearing me okay for a moment in time, these prisoners get to just connect with something that reminds them of real life.

Speaker 1 You know, we're a tribal animal, you and me. I don't know what this guy is.

Speaker 1 Morgan and Morgan. What happened? What happened, Rick? I fell and I hit my dang elbow.
Oh, no. Was that from a previous accident that you were in?

Speaker 1 Well, it happened once before and again on somebody else's property. Let me tell you something.
What happens when you get into a little baby accident? You don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 You don't know what to turn to? Who has insurance? Who pays? What happens? Bob, tell them.

Speaker 1 What? If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan because you know what? Morgan and Morgan is America's number one injury law firm. What is that? Even though it's so easy.

Speaker 1 It's so easy. All you got to do is pick up the phone.
It's like using an app. It's easier than hiring a lawyer.
And it is hiring a lawyer, but all you have to do is do that.

Speaker 1 Submitting a claim to Morgan Morgan is as easy as pretending you didn't see that 5 p.m. email from your boss.

Speaker 1 Hello. Submitting claim to Morgan Mormon as easy as swiping right on a dating app.
Submitting a claim to Morgan Morgan is so easy. It's so easy.
It's so easy. It's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Bobby's been in a couple accidents. He got an accident a couple years ago, and I didn't know what to do, who to turn to.
But Morgan and Morgan is the best. They're America's largest injury law firm.

Speaker 1 They have over 100 offices nationwide, more than 800 lawyers, and with over $15 billion to see for clients, Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation.

Speaker 1 If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan.

Speaker 1 It's free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash bad friends or dial pound law.
That's pound529 from your cell phone. That's for the people.

Speaker 1 F-O-R, thepeople.com slash bad friends or pound law, pound529 from your cell. This is paid advertisement.
Bird dogs. You know what? I love shorts.
Yeah. And I know you love summer, baby.

Speaker 1 It's summertime. And bird dogs make you look good, Andrew.
They make me look good. I love them so much.

Speaker 1 The stretch khaki shorts, the design to fit slimmer through the thigh and leg, giving you a truly sculpted look. Wait, isn't that the one that has that anti-stink sweat thing? That's right, man.

Speaker 1 That fabric. That's right.
It keeps you cool and dry all day long, buddy. Bird dog shorts do the exact same thing as Lululemon, but fit way, way better.
And they're not as pricey.

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Speaker 1 Bird dogs fix this issue by inventing a cloud-knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but it stretches. So you get way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement, baby.

Speaker 1 I got to tell you, I just got some bird dogs in the mail from them. Thank you so very much.
Oh, you told me about that. And you know what I like? I like that I can go out.
I can be athletic.

Speaker 1 I can wear them when I'm chilling cash style on the patio. I'm taking a walk in the neighborhood.
It doesn't matter. Or even even if I'm coming here to do bad friends, bird dogs are so comfortable.

Speaker 1 They are so stretchy and so easy to slide in and out of. It's summertime.
Get yourself some bird dogs.

Speaker 1 Go to birddogs.com/slash bad friends or enter promo code bad friends for a free Yeti style tumbler with your order. That's birddogs.com/slash bad friends.

Speaker 1 Promo code bad friends for a free Yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off.
We promise you.

Speaker 1 All South Koreans became one year younger under new age counting laws.

Speaker 1 You guys can't count either, huh? No, because when you're

Speaker 1 a jet, you're a jet all the way from your first cigar to your last iron day.

Speaker 1 You know, in the Korea. When you're born, you're one years old in Korea.
Yeah, it's kind of like how the 24th, first century is the 2000s. Correct.
The 20th century is the 19th.

Speaker 1 Isn't that the right, right? You're like nine months old when you're born because you were in the belly for nine months. I think that makes the most sense.
Okay, thank you. Yeah.
I created it.

Speaker 1 But when is the moment of, when's the moment of...

Speaker 1 Well, that's a great question. And now I want to actually get into your feelings on abortions.
You can say the moment of that the child is. Yeah, when does it count?

Speaker 1 Every person is one year old at birth adds another year. So, no, you're turn one at birth.

Speaker 1 It's not about being the body. It's just like there is no zero.
And I do think that's really

Speaker 1 a good

Speaker 1 lesson to learn. There is no zero.
Yeah, I was never a zero. Do you see this trophy that he was given? Yeah,

Speaker 1 this trophy looks like a guy who's kicking who just isn't quite flexible enough.

Speaker 1 It seems like a participant. Well, this was, we gave this to him for kicking the habit when he got sober.
This is when he got sober because, and it is kind of missing. How long has it been, though?

Speaker 1 A year and a half. A year and a half?

Speaker 1 Or in Korea, two and a half years. That's right.
That's you and I in an alternative universe. The internet keeps tagging us.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'rethewish.com version of this. Yeah, yeah.
This is we're the wish.com with these guys. This is Ryan Gazgaz from the Barbie premiere, correct? And he plays Ken, or one of the Kens, I guess.

Speaker 1 Yeah. I guess there's a lot of Ken.
I read for that movie. Yeah, you think he gave him a movie? Yeah, they gave him

Speaker 1 a receptionist or something. Oh, talking to a joke.
Four lines.

Speaker 1 What's this gentleman's name again? Sing Wing Wo. Is it Sing Wi-Wo?

Speaker 1 Shang-Chi. That's not him, my name is.
Shang-Chi. That's not his name.

Speaker 1 That's 100% not his name. You're racist.
That's not his name. That's the name of the story.
Yeah, it's Liu. It's the L-I-U one.
It's something with Liu. Yeah, Samuel Lu.
S-I-M-U, Simu. Simu.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 S-I-M-U, Simu. Yeah, nice.
Isn't that what you say to somebody when when you're asking them to quiet down?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Simu, Simu, Simu, Simo. Simo down.
Simu down. Simo down now.
Simo down now. Which is also what they say if somebody's shooting shots at him.
Simo down now!

Speaker 1 Simo down now!

Speaker 1 Well, that took five minutes off my night.

Speaker 1 When's the last time you got bamboozled?

Speaker 1 Who bamboozled you? I'll tell you something. I don't know the last time.
I'll tell you something. I know the first time I can remember being for real bamboozled.
Give it. I was 18.
Here we go.

Speaker 1 You know me, right? Doing my thing in New York, right? With my first girlfriend. We take a trip.
We drove from Cleveland to Nantucket. Her aunt has a house in Nantucket.
Yeah, she does.

Speaker 1 You remember? She crazy. There's a hole in my bucket, dear Liza, Nantucket.

Speaker 1 So we're doing our thing, hanging out. Now I'm on the street, and I don't really drink, but at the time, people were going out to clubs and dancing, and I loved that.
And I didn't have a fake ID.

Speaker 1 I had like my brother's old friend's ID. It doesn't look like me.

Speaker 1 I was in the market for a fake ID psych

Speaker 1 you were

Speaker 1 bad boy so I'm on the street doing my thing and a guy walks by he goes we track IDs and I go yeah he goes what do you want uh fake ID how much 50 bucks

Speaker 1 I only have a hundred dollar bill I gave I gave him the hundred keep it he goes do you do you do you have 50 he goes yeah I'll be right back he was gonna go he went to go get the change and while he's getting the change and he's getting the change, why would he not be getting the change?

Speaker 1 He said he's getting the change. I mean, I'm giving him, you know, so I'm sitting there for three hours before it even registers.

Speaker 1 I think I was bamboozled.

Speaker 1 It wasn't like I'm like, fuck, this guy probably fucked me. I was just, hey, I'm waiting for my fake ID for three hours, bro.

Speaker 1 The same exact thing happened to me.

Speaker 1 It's not about that. I think I've told the story before.
The surfer. I don't know it.
What? The surfer and the frog? Isn't this an old Korean folktale? No.

Speaker 1 He who surfs with frog on wave will end their beautiful, glorious days, not alone, sad or thick.

Speaker 1 Something, something, eat frogs, dick. It's something about a, it's an old Korean proverb.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Whether it's nobler in the mind to suffer, neither slings nor arrows, for a lily pad could jump, but for me, I am barrow. I am barren.
I am soul-searched. I am empty inside, but my knees may be weak.

Speaker 1 My soul flies high. Pride is nothing in a mind's eye when I look in the mirror if I see myself as nothing more than blurry or or clear.

Speaker 1 It's a situation for me to speak to, a situation of love, because I could speak to God all day, but I'm the only one above what I can be. You're not my competition, but you may be.

Speaker 1 It's a sacrilegious situation because the only thing I compete with is a former version of myself. The only thing you compete with is your God, heaven.
This is all written on his mirror.

Speaker 1 I don't. JG won't.
Would you just make that up? Yeah. Yeah.
That's insane. I would never be able to do that.
That's one of my things.

Speaker 1 You should check out the Harry Mack episode to take your shoes off. How do you even do that? Teach me.

Speaker 1 You can't. Yeah.
You can't. I can.
Could we just spend the rest of the time?

Speaker 1 Give me one line, and maybe I can go keep going. All right, but here's something that you're going to.

Speaker 1 I'm judging you on this, and I might be wrong, but I'm going to ask you a real question. Are you able to be present? I'm present right now.
Okay.

Speaker 1 What is something that you're ashamed of? I'm ashamed of my body. How so?

Speaker 1 I was doing the fucking thing that you were doing. Yeah, he was about to start rolling.

Speaker 1 What is it that you're ashamed of? The way it's shaped. Yeah.

Speaker 1 How is it shaped? It's shaped like a bottle. A bottle in the ocean.
The ocean's filled with water, but the water is poison. Commotion.
Lotion. No, I like that.
I like that. I like that.
No. Fuck.
No.

Speaker 1 No. That's great.
You're saying.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 you're saying your body is shaped in a way you don't like, but even worse than that, inside of you is poison. That's what I said.
That's dark. That's normal.
Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 Does that have to rhyme? That's right. But it still did rhyme.
Listen, I know you people can't drive, but I'll give you a poetic license.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So one day I was living in Draper Street in La Jolla. Damn!

Speaker 1 Dog,

Speaker 1 is that what you had for lunch? Yeah.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I get a knock on my door. The door.
But you have to knock, do the sound effect.

Speaker 1 Okay, oh, yeah, yeah. So

Speaker 1 why'd you open before you knocked it? Why would you open it and then knock? Yeah, you knock and then or. Well, he knocks on my face.

Speaker 1 That's what the crazy thing was.

Speaker 1 I opened the door and so what? Eh?

Speaker 1 And I was like, ow! Ow. And he was not, my landlord was knocking on my face.
Holy shit. Yeah, it was crazy.
Ryan go, don't fucking punch me in the face, dog. Right?

Speaker 1 He's like, I'm sorry, you opened the door. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Anyway.
What does that have to do with your body? What? Are we talking about your body?

Speaker 1 No, I'm talking about when I was fucking bamboozled. I wasn't there.
I am.

Speaker 1 You thought I was doing another one of those fucking things? Another one? You never did one to begin with. And you were crying over the fucking potion.
The ocean, the potion.

Speaker 1 And the fucking fucking buddy poison that was all right that wasn't honest but talk about your bamboozlement

Speaker 1 again

Speaker 1 i wonder if any of those guys in prison with the cats was one of our people

Speaker 1 maybe yeah

Speaker 1 why is it why let me ask you something why is it when you told your fucking thing buddy i'll tell you i didn't interrupt you i'll tell you the truth yeah go ahead do you want to hear the truth yeah

Speaker 1 i maybe am at a point in the day where a little bit of silliness just kicked in.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 with that silliness kicking in, I kind of zoomed in under where we were and I wasn't able to see all the balls in the air. I forgot about it.
And I remember now. And boy is my arm tired.
Okay.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to put it down. And please tell us about the time you

Speaker 1 right.

Speaker 1 Knock, knock, knock. Ow, don't punch me in the face, man.
He's like, sorry. But that's landlord.
But that's not. I'm sorry.
I have a question. Yeah.
Because

Speaker 1 that feels like you're just saying that because we called you out for the knocking and the door opening at the wrong time because you weren't even going to do sound effects.

Speaker 1 So now you adding that beat to the story to play with this, and that's where I'm out. Like, I'll be more real about it.
But I don't believe you. Okay, I'll be more real.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So he didn't knock on your face, right? No. Right.
So, because, like, that's already bamboozled. Now you already got.

Speaker 1 And you know what? Now the audience got bamboozled. Do I have to do sound effects then? You guys threw it up in this.

Speaker 1 Knock, knock, knock. Right.
Who's there?

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, George. That's my landlord.
Kimmel? Yeah, no. No.
No. He was like an old man.
He goes, there's a guy outside to see you.

Speaker 1 I go, I don't know. I was 22 years old.
I was working at a coffee shop called The Panican back then in La Jolla. Shout out to the Panic.

Speaker 1 So then I

Speaker 1 go outside and there's a fat man out there and he has no shoes. I told you the story.
Oh, yeah. I don't know.
I'm interested. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But then I don't want to say the same story again on the fucking thing. Maybe this time time tell it with some fucking sound effects so people remember.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 It'll sink in more.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like me in this $900 chair.
Yeah. And that $900 shirt.
Well, that's an $1,800 vibe over there.

Speaker 1 Well, if I were you. Do you have a bamboozled? You have a bamboo that we have not.
When I was bamboozled? Yeah. When was I bamboozled? You were never? Andrew, why don't you check your back pocket?

Speaker 1 No problem.

Speaker 1 You just got bamboozled.

Speaker 1 At some point, I do want to mention that I'm doing a podcast with Esther. I know.
What's it called? Rick and Esther have a time.

Speaker 1 And I feel like people who like bad friends would like it because it's a similar vibe to what you guys have. Because I'm like Andrew, and you and Esther are both little short losers with decent tits.

Speaker 1 When I found out you weren't doing a podcast with us, you're really good at beatboxing, and that kind of turned me off. I know, I heard it for a second.
Go ahead. Well, I was giving you an compliment.

Speaker 1 Could you rap it?

Speaker 1 You know him, beatboxing. Obviously, you have to.
He's an unbelievable beatboxer. Can I beatbox it? I don't know how to rap.
No, you have to rap it. Yeah, that's the whole point.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute. Can you beatbox him and the question? Beatbox him the question.
Go ahead. No, no, no.
I want you to beatbox him the question. No, he was going to give me a compliment.

Speaker 1 Beatbox me the compliment. Beatbox him the compliment.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking great merch. Beatbox me the compliment.
I forgot what my compliment was my compliment, but something else to talk about.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Okay.
Ready? When I pound.

Speaker 1 Wait. No, no, stop.
Please keep going.

Speaker 1 When I bounce, that can you had to stop.

Speaker 1 With the podcast.

Speaker 1 It sounds like a mentally challenged Asian person. Let me say this.

Speaker 1 Nice. Pretty good, huh? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Really good? You do it. You bee box.

Speaker 1 That's fine.

Speaker 1 That was really good. Thank you, dude.
All right, fine. Could you do that and you rap over it?

Speaker 1 Yeah, man. Yeah, ready? Yeah.

Speaker 1 When I found out, dad,

Speaker 1 you had a podcast with S.

Speaker 1 It's like you're turning into a frog. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Rip it.

Speaker 1 Smart.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm so excited.

Speaker 1 Andrew, honestly, have you heard a beatbox?

Speaker 1 Watch this.

Speaker 1 Like how mad he gets. Do it.

Speaker 1 I can't do it today.

Speaker 1 Man, you can't be put on the spot for a beatbox. You are so good at it.
Yeah, ready? Then okay, go lead me in.

Speaker 1 I came from overseas

Speaker 1 on a boat

Speaker 1 on my knees

Speaker 1 had to

Speaker 1 swab the poop deck

Speaker 1 kept getting poop on the poop deck. It's Bobby Lee,

Speaker 1 it's Bobby Lee,

Speaker 1 really good.

Speaker 1 Question:

Speaker 1 If Late Night Comes Back, could that be your intro music? I wish.

Speaker 1 I would love to have a late night show.

Speaker 1 We should have a late, like an after-after-hour show so we could finally say the things that people are too scared to say because it's so late.

Speaker 1 Should we say it at the same time and they'll blank it out? Sure. Ready? One, two, three.

Speaker 1 Wow, I thought you guys were not going to do it. I was a little offended.

Speaker 1 I did it. I saw it.
Yeah, you did.

Speaker 1 It's Bobby, Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 I'm on a boat.

Speaker 1 I'm on a boat.

Speaker 1 I gotta work for my wages.

Speaker 1 I blew the cap. I blew the cap.
He gave me a free ticket

Speaker 1 From South Korea.

Speaker 1 This is my first cruise. My name is Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 I love to the upper deck and bleak the sea.

Speaker 1 But if I kinda got into

Speaker 1 gambling, I'd be afraid I'd bet all of my money. My name is Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 Bobby, Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 Bobby, Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby Lee.

Speaker 1 Come on, do it.

Speaker 1 Come on, that would be a great place to do it.

Speaker 1 Please do it.

Speaker 1 You can't ask.

Speaker 1 It's got to happen. I'll tell you one thing

Speaker 1 after the podcast.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Wow. This has

Speaker 1 been a human experience. It is uplifting.
It's

Speaker 1 godlike. It's godlike.
It's another level.

Speaker 1 I feel the same.

Speaker 1 What? You know, I feel the same. What?

Speaker 1 Cleveland's finest right there. You're good.
Cleveland's finest. You're real good.

Speaker 1 See that?

Speaker 1 They can't do that in Cincinnati. Hey, careful.
I refer to myself as a he.

Speaker 1 They can't do that in Cincinnati.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 Listen to me talk about the things in my mind.

Speaker 1 Everything I do, I feel so sublime. It's sick and tired of the motions that be holding me down.
But that I

Speaker 1 is sad,

Speaker 1 has a red, big red nose.

Speaker 1 He has silly hair and a makeup that goes like

Speaker 1 a smile. You're strong when you grow.
But never underneath the cellophane in the ground.

Speaker 1 In the ground, I will bury you.

Speaker 1 I will make you freeze before the coffin drops.

Speaker 1 Brother!

Speaker 1 I forgot to tell you, I'm doing like

Speaker 1 wrestling.

Speaker 1 I'm working on wrestling guys.

Speaker 1 I like wrestling, guys.

Speaker 1 You listen to me and you listen good, brother. If you don't put your headphones back on, this minute I'll make you wish you could never hear again.

Speaker 1 Do your wrestling guy. Let's hear yours.
Yeah, brother. I'm telling you right now, me and me and Saliba Hasona,

Speaker 1 we touch our teeth together, man. We'll press your baby bed all day, man.

Speaker 1 Andrew, I'm gonna hear yours.

Speaker 1 Sale.

Speaker 1 Hobby's yours wasn't good. Andrew, go ahead.

Speaker 1 I thought it was actually really good. It was funny, but like, he's like, haha,

Speaker 1 look at the clown. It wasn't like, he wasn't going to play a wrestling guy.
That guy was never going to be able to watch it.

Speaker 1 That was so stupid.

Speaker 1 All of your impressions sound like you're turning into a frog.

Speaker 1 You draw a very frog-like. Can I have the gong?

Speaker 1 Andrew, can I have the gone for the rest of this? Oh, my God. The gun? Gone.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Andrew, could we hear you're a wrestling guy? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 You want to step into the ring with me?

Speaker 1 I'll dismember your entire body in front of your whole family.

Speaker 1 They'll be calling state to state, county to county, begging to find out who ripped you to shreds.

Speaker 1 It is I, the Red Baron of Pain,

Speaker 1 the Royal Rumbler, the wreckage wrestler, the red rowdy redhead from space.

Speaker 1 How's that? Oh, what a gift. That guy.
Now that's how you do it.

Speaker 1 Bobby, maybe you just needed a gong. Yeah, let's try it again.
I'm not doing it again. Just a guy.
Bobby, just you know that poison that inside of your bottle of a body?

Speaker 1 This is where it's literally spilling out. And your voice is the melting glass of the bottle.
Okay. Cut it out.

Speaker 1 The afternoon before sun. primal deep.
Look at me. No, for it, Bobby.
Bobby, look at me. Look at me for a second.
There's a difference between talking up here and talking primal.

Speaker 1 Yeah, let me hear it. Bring it down.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but you have to pronunciate. I'm going to.
I'm just giving you annoying. More Japanese.
Mojapese. No, I want to do more Japanese.
More Japanese. I want to feel this career.

Speaker 1 I want to feel like I could do a thumbs up. We can't sell Korean.
The networks don't like it. They need Japanese.
Yeah, but I don't. Can I just be this guy? Yes, one thing at a time.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, you're not coming. Well, I'm not.
No, no, no, let him feel it. I like that.
Keep coming. Let him feel it.
Okay. Keep going.
Do that a couple more times.

Speaker 1 The night has arisen between the two thoughts of my own impressions.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Creating malice and mayhem within your mind will contemplate all the seasons' greetings.

Speaker 1 I'll rip the bones within each other when it comes to a cascade of thought and expression.

Speaker 1 You will see the fucking fury of my mind's eye.

Speaker 1 Create the holes that you dig within the barriers of your own screw.

Speaker 1 I am Yellow Thunder of Night Swings 2000.

Speaker 1 Whoa, that's the newest edition.

Speaker 1 That's good.

Speaker 1 That was good. There goes the Yellow Swings of Night Thunder 2000.

Speaker 1 Man, I used to want that bike when I was a kid. Yeah.
It had seven speeds.

Speaker 1 No less.

Speaker 1 Way less. Yeah.
I felt like his had pegs.

Speaker 1 He's been pegged? What? Bobby. Yeah.
Question. Yes.
How did it it feel, the first one to the second one? I liked the first one better.

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah. The first one was better.
No, I like that one. That was fun.

Speaker 1 The name, Bobby, I'm going to change it.

Speaker 1 I think it's perfect. What's the other name?

Speaker 1 What did I say it was?

Speaker 1 Yellow Thunder 2000?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Little Yellow Thunder. Yeah.
Little Yellow Thunder. 2000.
That's pretty good. That sounds more Native American.
Little Yellow Thunder? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, they were the first, so, you know, we're all copying them at some point. Oh, Oh, that was crazy.
Oh, shit. Yeah, I re-watched the other day that Voice Comes to.

Speaker 1 I re-watched The Ballad of Buster Scruggs.

Speaker 1 That's unequivocally one of the best. I don't recall.
It's fucking unbelievable. Never heard of it.
The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. Never heard of it.

Speaker 1 I heard the song of Buster Scruggs. This isn't a moment for judgment.
It's a moment for learning. This is an unfucking.

Speaker 1 Leave it. It's a Cohen Brothers.
It's maybe one of the greatest things I've ever seen. Oh, yeah.
I remember this. It's

Speaker 1 five short films put together as one film. I never saw any of them.
I did see it. It's

Speaker 1 so fucking good. I re-watched it on the plane.
It had five shorts. Yeah, it was so fucking good, man.
It was so good. Brendan Gleason, Zoe Kazan.
That's her name. Zoe Kazan.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Franco Getzkill. Yeah, that's Zoe Kazan, right? That's her.
She's so fucking good. She's so good.

Speaker 1 Honestly, it's one of those, like, it makes me miss Westerns. I don't know why we don't do more

Speaker 1 spaghetti westerns or westerns. I like this.
Because this is the character. It's characters.

Speaker 1 Like Buster Scruggs at the beginning, he's got this great voice. I'm Buster Scruggs.
And it's this deliciously rich character. Look at that at the beginning, and he sings, I'm on my horse.

Speaker 1 And it's just a, it's a guy that existed in a time, and we don't have him that. You are so talented.

Speaker 1 But I'm saying, I miss that. Don't you miss that characters that are fucking...

Speaker 1 I mean, that voice that you did, I want to watch you do much more of it. I want to do voices.
That's why I want to do this. I wanted this thing to be alive.
I'm great for you. I can do them too.

Speaker 1 Oh, wait.

Speaker 1 Rick.

Speaker 1 Settle in, get ready. Hey, man, howdy.
Welcome to the town. Howdy.

Speaker 1 You want to hear a jamboree

Speaker 1 from my old times.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we'd like it. Here we go.

Speaker 1 Hey. Howdy.

Speaker 1 You're my cousin Andy.

Speaker 1 What could I do for you?

Speaker 1 Hey, how's the minds doing at this time of season? We're fine. Not much of an audience.

Speaker 1 He's a mine. He's a mine.
He's been a mine for years. I said mine's, but he's doing it better.

Speaker 1 Yes, I know. I'm just trying to make light of the passing of Walter Scriggs.

Speaker 1 Scriggs died.

Speaker 1 Yes. He died.
Why does Squiggs die? How did he die? How did he die, man?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 he just old, old, and just fell over. 32.

Speaker 1 32 years old, man. Poor old man, 32 years old.
Me and my cousin here are just passing through town. We're looking for somewhere to sleep, maybe.
Well, we're a singing duo. Yeah, well, we're cousins.

Speaker 1 He's my cousin. I'm his cousin.
Awesome. You're my second cousin.
Didn't you say I was your cousin? Y'all are related. We're all first base.
Hey, man. It's Jimmy, our cousin.

Speaker 1 Jimmy. Jimmy, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Take that mustache off, Jimmy. There you are, you son of Jimmy.
There he is. That's why I didn't recognize you, you fucking scumbag.

Speaker 1 It's insane your voice.

Speaker 1 Never had facial hair before.

Speaker 1 You can't grow it, can you?

Speaker 1 Is that your Western song?

Speaker 1 By the way, the way you said you were doing it. Did you keep doing that voice?

Speaker 1 This bullish.

Speaker 1 I'm.

Speaker 1 Even though I know you could do this, I'm fucking flabbergasted right now. How engaged and

Speaker 1 that's crazy.

Speaker 1 Bobby's is great.

Speaker 1 No, you're like, you're,

Speaker 1 this is what you do. This is literally, you're a professional.
This is top of the line of all the people in the world that don't actually talk like that. You're like at the top of that, man.
Tip top.

Speaker 1 How do we monetize that? I mean, do you guys make money here? We don't have made money in quite a while.

Speaker 1 Here's the deal. Here's the deal.
Here's the deal.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's insane. That's nothing.

Speaker 1 You know what it is? You know what it is? It's honestly like the sun.

Speaker 1 It's like when LeBron's, one of his LeBron's kids was three and he's shooting like, you know, the big basketball on the small hoop.

Speaker 1 They're like, very good. Hold on one sec.
Hold on one sec.

Speaker 1 It's really good. Yeah, that hurts so bad.
Honey, that honestly. Fuck you, dude.
That hurts so bad. But it is, it's really good.
But your daddy's doing it for real right now. People are watching.

Speaker 1 And you're stepping on it. Well, we were on the tour and we at McCone, we bought Once Upon a Time in the West by Sergio Leone.

Speaker 1 And the first 10 minutes of the movie, there's no dialogue. It's just characters.
Kind of like in O Country for Old Men. Yeah, three minutes of no dialogue.

Speaker 1 I think there's three or four, like, you know, not villains, but like, you know what I mean, bad guys. Yeah, villains.
Yeah, close-up are their eyes. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 They're little, you know, one guy does a thing with a fly. The fly lands on his face.
But it's a slow buildup. And then all of a sudden,

Speaker 1 what's the guy's name? Charles Bronson shows up, right? Harmonica? What? Harmonica?

Speaker 1 You hear the harmonica, right? Yeah. But there's no.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck.

Speaker 1 Oh. He's coming.
Oh, fuck. I'm so fucking embarrassed.

Speaker 1 I'm so fucking embarrassed.

Speaker 1 Honestly, please take that out. I'm so fucking embarrassed.

Speaker 1 I have this thing sometimes where I just come, if I'm listening to someone be so boring.

Speaker 1 Oh, for real. I'm so fucking embarrassed.
Take that out. I honestly, I just fucking come from listening to you that's the quickest i've ever come

Speaker 1 oh oh shit

Speaker 1 oh oh shit

Speaker 1 okay yes yeah yeah you all right here we go there's jimmy again

Speaker 1 now boris again so we all die at 32

Speaker 1 can i tell you what happened with me in hawaii hey tell me I fell in love.

Speaker 1 With the ocean, huh? I fell in love with the ocean. Wow.
You I went out there and I went free diving and I fell in love with the ocean. I swam down deep and I got it.

Speaker 1 I understood. You're not coming yet?

Speaker 1 I am engaged. Why is his and then me come? I don't know.
I think he knows the beats. He's got funny voices.
He's engaged. He's present.
I don't know. He's got stuff you don't have.

Speaker 1 Andrew, tell me more about the ocean.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you something about the ocean. It reminds me of a movie.

Speaker 1 Point break?

Speaker 1 No, it's like an old western with Charles Bronson.

Speaker 1 You'd hear a harmonica. You'd see these villains' faces at the beginning.
Like an old western. Yeah.
Do you write those things? And all you would see is their eyes sneering at the camera.

Speaker 1 This sultriness pouring out of them, heat exuding from their face.

Speaker 1 And out of nowhere,

Speaker 1 you hear a harmonica.

Speaker 1 It's broken.

Speaker 1 No, I mean this in a high compliment. No chance that would make me come.

Speaker 1 No, we're a different. Oh, more.

Speaker 1 Okay, okay.

Speaker 1 Forget it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. I understand.
I understand.

Speaker 1 I understand.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I understand.

Speaker 1 We're enemies. We're enemies.

Speaker 1 Mortal. Mortal.

Speaker 1 More onto me. Stop talking.
It's so boring.

Speaker 1 You're so boring. Okay.
Oh, oh,

Speaker 1 oh, you're so boring. You're so boring.

Speaker 1 Thank you for saying that.

Speaker 1 This episode is sponsored by Vroom. Thank you.
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Speaker 1 soundbite package. That's

Speaker 1 Vroom. bird dogs you know i have a little ass in big quads and a huge cock i can't find pants that fit my body type

Speaker 1 what do you suggest

Speaker 1 you got to get a cock reduction with that big old fucking thick cock you got right

Speaker 1 if you don't you know those fucking things are never going to fit that thing's never going to fit in bird dogs those are too big wait can i do something can i ask something can i ask something maybe i'm out of turn here i'm going to ask for an edit you check your back pocket you look and we cut back and you're sitting here and i'm there Or is that too much of a me thing?

Speaker 1 No, I'll just be.

Speaker 1 They're going to cut back to you. Well, if we cut back.

Speaker 1 When I say check your pocket, we're going to cut to your chair and it's me checking my pocket. And then I'll look over at you and you're going to be fucking bamboozled.
And then we'll switch back.

Speaker 1 Yeah.