Bobby's Beatbox & Night Leaking w/ Rick Glassman

Hey!

Hey, y'all!

We're going back on tour! We're going back on tour in the fall. We're going to be on the tour in the fall.
We're going to go to Rochester, New York. Then we're going to Northfield, which is Cleveland.
We're going to Homestead, which is basically Pittsburgh. Then we're doing two shows there.
And Boston, Mass. Boston, Massachusetts.
Washington, D.C. Denver.
Milwaukee. Milwaukee, Wisconsin.
Chicago. Chicago, Illinois.
Minneapolis. And Madison.
Madison, Wisconsin. So go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets.
It's Bad Friends Pod.

Bad Friends Pod. Milwaukee, Wisconsin Chicago, Illinois Minneapolis and Madison Madison, Wisconsin so go to badfriendspod.com for those tickets badfriendspod badfriendspod.com Jessie has a couple of shows coming up go ahead I got Wednesday July 12th I'm at the Irvine Improv I'm bringing some friends to open the show and Friday July or Saturday July 15th I'm at Bakersfield I'm new to this that's okay you're doing fine all ticket links are on my website, jetskijohnson.com.
You'll see some Salt Lake City and Vegas and Austin on there too. Go check her out.
Thank you guys. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
How was the Hawaii?

Dude.

I know.

So much.

Kawabanga, dude.

Kawabanga.

Aloha, mahalo to you, my friend.

Aloha, mahalo to the Bad Friends fans.

The first part of the tour is done.

Thank you so much for coming out on the first part of the tour.

Yeah.

We really appreciate it.

It was amazing.

It was incredible.

Did you have fun?

It changed my life.

In what way? Well, I know who my friends it. It was amazing.
It was incredible. Did you have fun? It changed my life.
In what way?

Well, I know who my friends are.

That's fact.

Not him.

Not him.

Yeah, yeah.

Not you, bud.

No, that's not true.

That's not true.

Dude, you block me all the time.

Who am I?

That girl lied.

That's Carlos!

Yeah, yeah, that's Carlos.

Then you're pushing away!

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, it's like...

Dee, Batman.

So quick. No, this girl lied and said she didn't.
She was single. Then she shows up with her husband.
That was the craziest. Thanks for reminding me of that.
I wasn't even thinking about that. Oh, wait.
I need to tell you a story that this is about. That this is about.
What? I'm at the event yesterday in Vegas. Uh-huh.
And a woman comes up to me and says, oh, man, we're such huge bad friend fans. Me and my husband said hi what's up she goes how do you wave hey he waves oh like that okay yeah and he goes we went to Philly at the Met and you guys came out here for the tournament he says yeah we loved it was so incredible and then he goes ask him ask him and I was like what and she goes the girl that said her husband died at uh at a boating accident she brought this up and i said yeah and she goes she was a plant wasn't she i said no we don't have any plants at our show no there's no such thing there's no greenery what do we plant no plants no plants trees and stuff yeah she wants to know if there was foliage she was like you guys plant her i said we've never done that anyone that's from the audience that gets on a part of the show it's organic organic and she goes no way you guys did that I said lady not only did we not plan her she was a liar her husband was alive a lie she said he died yeah we believed it yeah we had a moment of silence on stage I think well then we were like dude dude because he died in a boating accent we did make a lot of of boat jokes.
We did make a lot of boat jokes. Very good ones.
But then she comes backstage and she was just kind of I mean if you're listening hi. But it was a little weird back then.
It was clever of her. She tricked us.
She bamboozled me. But we brought them all back her and her three friends backstage.
Yeah. And it got a little weird.
I got mad. I think I got mad.
Well because you felt duped. You thought her husband was really dead.
I don't like being duped or tricked. You are not a duped guy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nobody better dupe Bobby from now on.
Speaking of someone who dupes a lot. I was there during Pearl Harbor.
That's a big dupe. And I was sleeping.
No, my cousin. Look, my cousin's in the US Navy, dude.
That's right, that's right. I was sleeping in his bunk.
We're at the second bunk, man. Yeah.
Siren. You know what I mean? That's what the siren is.
Yeah, that's right. I go, what going on? What going on? Because, you know what I mean? Back then, I had an accent.
Right. Of course.
Yeah. That was a long time ago.
What going on? Right. And explosions, this and that.
My cousin died. My point is, that was trickery, too.
That was bamboozlement. Yeah.
And I don't like it. I got laid that night, too.
laid that night too whoa doing pearl harbor no the night that that lady lied in the green room yeah because that's what you do no no it wasn't you grab me the liars first of all let me say something right now okay i'm not looking for anything right now by the way you're you're you're good you're good i'm good the way i am and the way life is that's right but my point is is that i know your heart and it's dark. No.
And it's black. I was such a good friend to you the whole tour.
No, you're not. That's insane.
I had your back. I bought you elf bars, jewel pods.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Some chips. You are a friend.
Yeah. I forgot you are a friend.
This is such a 22nd century friend. I bought elf bars, jewel pods.
I'm your best friend. But so thanks for those.
But let me think about it. And then I got closer to you and Jesse.
That was good. Yeah, that's cool.
Yeah. And you got a face tattoo? No, it's a star face.
It's like for a pimple. I put it on there.
But it's the pride one. Why? Just.
Are you trolling? You know, that's true. This is called gay baiting and they don't like it.
Really? no in the gay community i think it's that's a very no no no i just support get skin colored next time yeah okay well you don't even believe in the kind of things you say about the lgbt what do i say right what do i say about them other than why don't you say they're going to hell what do you mean oh my god that's so you said that no on the bus You said they don't belong in the same schools as us

Well, you're right. You're right.
You're right. I gotta tell you though Yeah, and all gay school would be very fun to visit.
Oh, I would love oh my god. Would they get any work done?

Nothing singing it would just be just fucking and partying. Yeah.
You know, whiteout, you don't use whiteout. You just cum, cum.
It works just as good. Yeah, you're gay baiting.
You're gay baiting. It's actually...
I never said that, by the way, everyone listening. I love the gays.
I love the LGBT and the other letters that are... It gets longer.
Clearly, Bobby has never said in different schools. That's insane.
Why would I say that? He said they should have different water fountains, but that's, I understand what he's saying. Yeah, I think white people should have their own too.
And Asians should have their own. And the Asian one will be fucking cleaner and it would have like other things that it does, like the toilets.
It's a little soy sauce dispenser. You know that we already have- Why would I have soy sauce in the fucking water fountain? You guys always have rice

on your person.

You always have rice

on your person.

We'd have another fucking fountain

for rice.

No, no.

Want to get two birds

at one stone?

Yeah.

By the way,

we do have Asian water fountains

and white water fountains already.

When you look up

school water fountains,

there's always one

at regular height

and there's always one

low to the ground.

Those are for the little people, dude.

That's you, big dog.

No, that's not for me.

Those are made for Asians. You can't tell me those are made for...
There's not that many little people, dude. That's you, big dog.
No, that's not for me. Those are made for Asians.

You can't tell me those are made for –

There's not that many little people.

Yeah.

No, there are those way more Asians.

There's billions of you guys.

Yeah, there are.

They built that for you.

You can buy one.

Go to images in a school.

Yeah, you can buy one, though, too.

Okay.

Can we have one of those inside of the office?

You know what they should have then?

Huh?

One like on the roof for like gigantism.

Like gigantism?

We should just do it for every size.

You know what I mean?

See, look, there they are.

Pull that up.

That's for me and for you.

That is me and you.

I'm not sure. the roof for the gigantism we should just do it for every size you look there they are that's for me and for you you know that is me and you 100 yeah and can i say something we peed one time in a fucking bathroom together and i had took the little one yeah and you giggled i did what a piece of shit but also i can see over the divider so i can see when you i can see your little penis in the in the thing not little penis regular penis doing? What is that? What are you doing? What are you doing? It's a kid with gigantism.
That's what a kid looks like with gigantism? Oh, no. Oh, no.
Carlos. Carlos.
Carlos. Why would you start that? Thank God.
Carlos. Why do you start that? If you ever have a baby, it's going to come out all fucked up.

Yeah, 100%. It's going to have a hand here.

It's going to be, you know what I mean?

Just the foot's going to be gigantism.

The hand's going to be midget.

You're done for it.

Scoliosis.

It's going to be a whole thing.

And a progeria and all that.

You're done.

All that.

You're done, dude.

Don't ever have a baby, dude.

First of all.

Because you're evil, dude.

You're an evil boy who gay baits.

And I'm evil because I laugh every time he puts out a fucked up thing.

I know.

I laugh. It's so not good.
You know what a girl said to me, actually? This bothered me a lot. I've never seen a baby with a child.
I've never seen it either. Thank you.
God bless. Thank you.
Very nice. Thank you.
You're earning some points. A girl said to me, I should be repulsed by Carlos, but I'm oddly attracted to him.
A random girl said that to me yeah women are yeah in vegas a girl goes i should be repulsed i love bad friends i said thank you she said i should be repulsed by carlos verbatim she goes but i'm oddly attracted to him and i said what is it and she goes i think because he's like an honest little grimy weirdo and i that was such a great phrase an honest little grimy weirdo that's what um the liar girl she said i was bobby's sneaky little friend and i'm like oh that's a great way to describe me why you're not sneaky you're grimy okay yeah you're grimy with a little sneak with a hint of sneak little babe sneak you know what i did i did something grimy a couple weeks ago give it tell us more i went to aking table. What do you mean? Wait, wait, wait.
You used one? Wait, wait, wait. No.
Like Clockwork Orange, one of those bars? No, no, no. Not like the milk bar.
I love those bars. Not the milk bar.
You were drinking milk-o-villa set. No, no, no.
Not the hallucinogenic milk. No.
I went to this. It's like reverse massage where you get on a table and there's a hole.
We had one of these in the first of dave we premiere we had it on the show i pull into the garage and he's getting milked you put your cock through a table and they milk you from the bottom exactly i went to one of those wait a minute you went to you went to there's a place that has these no it's just someone's apartment i was gonna say but she's certified in milking i guess wait so how many people were getting milked it was just me wait wait wait it's somebody that you met on an app no it was like through a website a website so it's a sexual thing yeah you paid how much was it it's cheaper than you think because there's no sex it was only 200 and then you you put your penis through there and then what happens and then she goes under and milks you like you're a cow or something and you have to move you know do you have to how funny would that be you don't have to move but she uses her hands or her mouth oh anything but what did she use is there a mouth of hands there was no bucket is there a spit bucket her mouth is the bucket wait wait wait you she so you you stick your dick through the thing she turns you out and when it comes out she gets, she gets some protein. What the fuck is going on here? Yeah, exactly.
Yeah. I don't think that's disgusting.
She might have a protein deficiency. She might have a deficiency.
This might be a solution to her problem. Yeah, that's a good thing, man.
I got to tell you. Was she hot? No.
She's underneath the milking table. No, I thought she was attractive.
She could have been hotter, but- You know why you thought she was attractive? Because it was 1 a.m. Yeah.
It was 1 in the morning and she milked you. Yeah, exactly.
me i'd be like she's all right she's kind of hot so you got milked you paid 200 you say thank you and go home or you chat i actually is there a chat i chat for a second i'm like oh how's the night going are you busy like uh and i'm always like get the fuck out of here yeah i'm always like be safe like i can help it you know be safe yeah like you know what does that even mean like i'm a nice client but you know you don't know about she's letting people into her house to be milked what's where's the safety net well i hope that she had like if someone walks in and she gets a weird feeling that she's like sir can you please leave weird feeling like a random guy that comes over to put his dick through a table and get milked yeah but some are cool like guys i passed the test to be let what would the test be it's a riddle like golem no no it's just it's all energy it's all energy uh what's my energy like you can get milked well what about him i'm not gonna get i don't want to get milk anyway if you would does he have the milk energy no i don't think he has milk energy he has like undercover cop that's what i'm saying i would saying. I would, that right.
Citizens arrest. Citizens arrest.
You guys are fucking busted. No, you're seriously busted.
I am a cop. You're going to jail.
Pete, put your fucking hands down. You're not going to jail.
You're his partner. Jeez.
Yeah. Does he look like a cop? Yeah.
Pete looks like a cop. He looks more like a cop than I do.
He looks like a Long Island cop. He's the guy at the station telling everyone where to go.
I have a question though. The dispatcher? Are you completely naked? Yeah, they say get comfortable so you know you're not.
So you get naked and then are you hard? Because I don't get it. When you're laying on the table, are you not, you're not hard at that point.
I'm getting there because I'm so excited. Let me ask you something.
When the milk, I don't know because I've never talked to a cow before but when the cow's giving milk. I'm right here.
wouldn't be milk because you're a man Are you a woman? Okay Do they get I mean because it's a titty right? Do they get aroused? Do they get a little aroused? That feels good you think? Yeah There's got to be some payoff for them That's kind of how nature works There's got to be a feeling Depends on how built up the milk is in cow. The pleasure is more relief of being milked.
Yeah. So it's like when you take a piss when you're like, oh, that kind of- Oh, it's not a sexual relief.
Yeah. But sometimes taking a piss feels like sex.
It's incredible. Yeah.
When you have to piss real bad and you let one rip in the morning and you're like, my God. It just feels like you did something.
You completed a task. Peeing? I just feel really good.
When I take my first piss in the morning, I feel incredible. I look in the mirror.
Don't you stare in the mirror right after you pee? Do you ever have pee contemplations at 4 in the morning? If I should get up and pee or just piss the bed? No. You wake up and you go, I think I have to pee, but I'm so tired.
And then you. And then you have that little contemplation, like, should I go now?

But I end up always going.

I go.

Have you ever had one where you feel like you're peeing in your dream and it wakes you up and it's like last second you got to go, otherwise it's coming out?

Oh, I've never had that.

Oh, yeah.

I've had that multiple times where it's about to come out.

My dream, I'm pissing in my dream and my body's like, get up, get up. You know what I had one time in my dream the other week?

I spit and it woke me up and I had spit on my pillow.

Oh, really?

Yeah, night spits.

Is night spitting a thing?

Because I've had it multiple times now.

Oh, so while you look that up, what's the deal?

I got a massage.

Of course I get naked every time.

Drooling in your sleep isn't uncommon, not a sign of health problems.

Sometimes people produce saliva they can swallow.

Yeah, I guess sleep apnea.

That's what I got.

I want to know what you were dreaming about when you spit. It's to be a scenario i was looking at a picture of you you spit on the headshot no it's a headshot of you you know what i think it was i think i was in the dream i was like i had a chewing or something and i was spitting in my drink like we were walking and spitting and talking so do you get naked in a massage are you leaving underwear on well i mean if it's a guy i never have a guy i always have a woman well then i don't get completely naked you don't i do you do with a guy with a girl when you have a female masseuse and they say get get dressed down to your comfort level do you not get naked if it's at the gym no if it's at a massage place oh i've never been to a real massage place like burke williams burke dude yes pause this guy never been to a massage place well you've been to a milking apartment and you've never been to a massage place in your 39 years of life how old are you now 36 36 36 years you've literally never went to a professional massage parlor.
No, only at Equinox have I done it. Yeah, but that's a spa.
That's a spa. That's the same thing.
Yeah, and you paid. Yeah.
Okay. Who knows with this guy? Yeah.
But of course I paid. Okay.
But is it a private room or is it amongst all the gym equipment? I've never been there. No, no, it's a private room.
Yeah, it's never got i don't think i got completely naked what do you do i i just just boxers i don't get completely naked naked every time yeah i don't know it's weird i think is it yeah wait really because they go take all your clothes off they say dress that dress down to your comfort level and that's your comfort level i love it naked i sleep? I sleep naked, I love being naked. You sleep naked? Yeah, every night of my life.
That's insane. Why? All the liquids that come out.
What comes out? What are you talking about? Nothing should come out at night. Okay, you have two holes down there.
One, two, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I think there's seven altogether. Yeah, there are.
No, one, two, three, four, five. One, two, three, four, five, six, 6, 7 Yeah there's 7 all together Chicks have 10

Yeah

Yeah

Yeah yeah yeah

Yeah yeah yeah 10

Yeah

What do you mean

What liquid's coming out?

Well those are the two holes

They have the

Out of all the liquids

That can come out of your body

Those are the two

You know what I mean

Forbidden holes

I know but what comes out at night

I don't leak at night

Poo

You leak at night

You can fart

You spray things

You know I just realized

Someone had asked me

A friend of a friend

Who I really respect who's much older was like, I got to listen to your podcast. And now I'm like, shit, this is going to be his interview this week.
Is a milking table and leaking at night? Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, you don't leak at night, do you? What do you leak? When you...
Have you heard this? Have you heard this? Okay. Have you heard this? When you fart, right, and you can smell it, right,

there's particles in the air.

I move the blanket over when I fart.

I know, but still-

I fart outside the bed.

I literally will raise my ass up, move the blanket, and fart.

So there's particles on the side.

Well, they're on the side of the bed.

By the dog, where the dog is.

By the dog is, okay.

So for me, it's like, if you wear underwear or whatever on boxers,

the particles may stay in your underwear now.

No, they don't. They don't.
I guess it doesn't make any sense. Look, show a fart.
Show an infrared fart going through boxers. Someone had to have put this on the internet.
Maybe. And you don't have any pre-cum that comes out? No.
Look at watch. Okay.
Look at that. Little pooty pooty.
Whoa. Infrared farts are incredible.
That's incredible. By the way, this technology was developed for NASA.
Yeah. And the military.
And now we use it for this. This is what's great about the human race.
Well, that's how the predators hunted their people, the farts. Look at this little fart dog.
Yeah. Poop.
When your dog farts, do they look up at you? Or do they not, they pretend like it never happened? When they fart? When the dog farts. No, he just ignores it.
Well, I have four of them. They just ignore it.
She does a thing now where it used to be when she was young, she would fart and then move about. Like, it just didn't happen.
Or she didn't really realize it. But now she'll fart and then look right up at me.
Yeah. And I'll go, what'd you just do? And then she goes, a little breath.
Like, she she was a bad little bad tootie broody

I was here with this girl a couple months ago and in the bed

I had you farted I pumped it no I pumped in

When I pumped in something pumped out

It was a pumping out kind of

So I farted oh you farted yeah, how you meant she farted no no oh yeah Yeah, and ice and I my mind. I'm like, you know,, you farted? Yeah.
I thought you meant she farted. No, no, no.
Oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And my mind, I'm like, do you acknowledge it?

What?

I did.

And I go, like, I said it like that.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Were we in Canada?

I don't know.

I mean, that's how I said it. Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

And she didn't, she kind of, like, her eyes went, like, you know what I mean? Like, she couldn't believe. Her eyes like like you know, I mean like she couldn't believe Like should I end it you know, I mean like I want it done no We have you done that? No, I've never farted while fucking no Well, you pump in you pump out but there's sometimes when you but there's sometimes when you take it out that it gets...
And it gets a little bit... Oh, that?

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

But that's like...

That's them, not us.

Yeah.

That's a trauma queef.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, yeah.

That's a pussy queefing out of trauma.

But that's why I said this.

When you get older, especially if you're in a relationship like Pete knows, you have a big dinner.

You're not fucking.

When you're young, you can go out to eat, have a have dessert have coffee you just go home and fuck you get older you're eating dinner i'm not we're not i'm not boning after we eat a big meal yeah it's i don't i'm i'm gonna fart she's gonna fart you're gonna roll over make no your stomach's gonna be growling oh so you guys you guys fart in front of each other no well i mean, I mean, I do. She really rarely does.
She rarely farts in front of me. Do you poo? I mean, does she...
She hasn't pooed since I met her. I know, but she...
Does she close the door when she poos? Yeah, I do. You don't close the door when you shit? Well, I think that's the problem with Kalani and I.
We just kind of like... I would take a shower while she's taking a shit.
Absolutely not. Yeah, yeah.
I think we... That's it.
That's not good. I think we figured it out.
What? I think that was the... I think that's the problem.
I think that was the problem. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
When you start doing things like that, it's like it takes away from... It's cool to be comfortable, but if you're in the shower when she's pooping...
Yeah, or vice versa. Absolutely not.
Yeah. And do you want to be in the same bathroom? You have more than one bathroom I have three Yeah well what the fuck are you doing in the same bathroom then?

Yeah that's true

Okay in the future in the next love of your life?

Yeah

No no no

No farting even

Nah you can fart

I don't want to

It's so natural

I know but you've smelled mine

Yeah they're bad hold them in

They're so bad

This guy wrecked the van twice he'd be asleep in the back of the van

Who me?

You

Yeah

And let it ride

In life the worst smelling thing in life. Second, my fart.
What's number one? Carlos's breath. Okay, I got it.
Yeah, I caught up. Insane.
Insane. And that's not true, Carlos.
That's not true. Thank you.
Although a guy did give me. Oh, I broke your heart.
No, you didn't drink that. No, no, no.
Don't look at me. He did it.
Oh, I know. You got sad there for a sec.
We got in a fight backstage a couple times about it. About it? You did? With Bobby.
He'd be like, get away from me. Well, one of the fans brought you Fisherman's Friend.
Yeah. The strongest mint in the world.
Oh, yeah, I know. Yeah.
And those things didn't stand a chance. No.
They melted in his hand before they got in his mouth. They popped out of his mouth.
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What are these chairs? Is this a Google? You guys are like the most successful podcast? They're like legit like 900 bucks. That's Gucci.
What does $900 have to be with Nice? They're from France. Yeah, Gucci.
Yeah, those are Gucci from France. Let me say something.
Can we introduce my friend here or what? Go ahead, baby. Sure, we're going, yeah? Yeah, we've been going.
I got a bud for my bud, by the way. I don't care if you're trans or not.
That's a good beer. Yeah.
Let me pretend to be the CEO. Did you see him get interviewed about this? No.
It's a very funny clip. Ask me if I would do this campaign again, knowing the knowledge I have now.
What's his name? Do you know? I don't remember. Look up CEO of Bud Light.
That guy right there, that photo. What's his name? Brendan Whitworth.
Excuse me, Mr. Whitworth.
Knowing what you know now, if you could go back and change the campaign that you did, what would you do differently? Well, I'll tell you. We're going to continue to listen to the fans, and we're going to listen to the consumers, and we're going to continue to strive to make some of the best beer that's ever been consumed on planet Earth.
That's what we're going to keep doing. I'm still a drinker.
See what I mean? It worked. That scene, though, was great.
That worked. If I did a movie based on this guy, I would have kept that in.
That would have kept in? Would he be related to J.G. Whitworth? J.G.
Whitworth. Curl 877-CASH-NOW.
It's my money and I want it now! You know what? He just got himself a $40,000 ad for free. At least.
Rick.

Bobby.

What up?

Hi.

I like your socks.

Rick's about to leave the country tomorrow.

Where are you going?

I'm going.

I'll give you an impression.

You'll figure it out right away.

Jamaica.

It's London.

Oh, fuck.

Jamaica.

You got a guess. What? Show them what Jamaican is Jamaican? Yeah this would be Jamaican This is Jamaican Oh hello I'm Jamaican That's Jamaican Yeah Baby boy So you go to London tomorrow? No no no I going to a few places.
Going back home to Ohio to be with the family.

I'm going to be going to New York and New Jersey to be with my lady and to do some comedy.

You got some gigs set up?

I don't have any gigs set up yet.

No, I'm going to be with my lady.

But while I'm there, I'll do some gigs.

Well, I have to say something.

You know, me and Andrew have been on the road.

I've been seeing.

Yeah.

And wow. We do a lot of meet and greets and stuff.
stuff very cool and a lot of times we have to sign your cards I told you about that I called you about this my cards they're your cards well they're Tyso cards you don't have any no no but they're your cards we have two of them right up there sitting on our desk yeah but Bobby doesn't have a set you brought more I love this Rick thank you it but my point is is that and in my mind I'm like oh cool oh this guy I think that you're really coming up in the in the world and people really are big fans of yours and uh congratulations thank you honestly the amount of cards we signed of these so many people you know I have to give a shout out then to the artist Scott Hepburn who is a Marvel illustrator who's incredible he does marvel stuff he does a lot of marvel stuff and he does those these are so these are so cool man and people come up bobby you suggested to be toad so i hope you're not insulted no i love it great yeah oh what else would i be uh captain america okay fuck i could have been captain america what am i would you do a captain america impression of bobby if you were captain amer? If he was Captain America? It's good.

Go away.

Is that good?

Yeah.

I don't have an accent.

You and Amir and Eric Griffin.

I really don't have an accent.

What are you talking about?

Yeah, you do.

I do.

Go away.

There it is.

Captain America?

Yeah, but that would be good.

Is that Captain America?

Is that an English accent?

Whoa.

It might sound like Captain America.

You do.

Go away. Get Iron Man around here to get you two.
Iron Man. Yeah.
Yeah. These things are.
Very. Stop fucking complaining about the chairs, man.
Bert broke that one. Yeah.
I'm sorry. Thanks for coming.
I love you. Is that what you say to every girl you have sex with now? I'm saying it as a nice thing because you're a good lover.

Answer it.

Yeah.

You know what?

I appreciate you coming.

It helps my self-worth.

Yeah.

But if you're wondering, yeah, you get them at taisocards.com.

Who gives a shit?

Yeah, who gives a shit?

Just buy them.

And I like your sweater, too.

That's dope.

Thank you.

What is it?

Corridor.

How did you know that?

Because I was on their website earlier.

You were on this website? Earlier. I didn't know their brand until I saw this thing a week ago.
Is it a good brand, Corridor? Yeah, I'll send you later. Send it to me.
Can I get the same one or no? You can. I don't understand the thing where people are like, no, no, no, I have that shirt.
Wear the shirt. Yeah.
Let's all wear the shirt. I would love for us all to wear the shirt.
I kind of want to have shirts. A lot of.
Oh, it's a cute place. You don't want your best friend to have it.

Why?

Because it's your best friend.

You're going to see him in it.

He's going to see you in it.

Please.

How many times a week is he going to wear this?

Four?

Oh, those are cute.

That's it.

That's the one.

It's $795.

Holy fuck.

Oh, it's about as nice as this chair.

Selling a lot of Taiso cards.

I got to tell you, that chair is more expensive than that sweater.

So that's pretty much a deal.

That's a pretty good deal I was thinking why don't you go on the road because so many people know who you are I'm starting it now you gotta play the club go to esteronice.com to find my to find my tour dates go check them out you're so funny no that's Esther Bravitsky's site i uh but there's one i don't have a tour set up yet but you need to just you like stream her site to yours somehow make it so when you go to her site it goes to yours i know i could make mine go to hers but i don't know if i could do that well we could just try to hack it somehow and make hers go do you have hacker fans yeah pizza hacker that's how we met him pizza hacker sure Then get me some without cheese. Well, no, no, no.

There's no cheese.

Yeah, we made sure there's no cheese. That's a cool pizza joint.

Pizza hacker?

Pizza hacker.

Pizza hacker.

Yeah.

Get the pie.

Good, right?

I just made that up.

It was pretty good.

Get the pie.

Get the pie.

So you go, pizza hacker, get the pie. But it's pie 3.14 pie right Right Pizza hacker Get the Pie Yeah Would you like to invest How much $795 Or if you got a killer sweater you know we take sweaters

we've been taking sweaters for years

can your dad give me a rug are you going to throw out his commercial now if so we'll get you a rug snap to it here's what we're going to need from you show a picture of where you want it to go approximate size I feel like you have old timey Jew rugs I don't want old timey Jew rugs what does that mean you want new to go? Yeah. Approximate size? But is it old? I feel like you have old-timey Jew rugs.
I don't want old-timey Jew rugs. What do you want? New Christian rugs? You want new Christian rugs? What? Did that come out? Yeah.
That came out great. That came out anti-Semitic? No.
That came out, I love Jews. I just hate their old rugs.
No, that's not what I'm saying. It's just what I'm saying.
I should put the Jew in there. We got one of a kinds, but we also go, what we would do is You would show me your colors and style influences And my dad would send you some manufacturer websites Manufacturer websites Okay Many of them not even Jewish You look through You see what you like And my dad has a saying Andrew Shorten the showroom That's right We'll find a few things you like Pick something out We'll send it out Okay Let it.
I need a rug. But they are Jewy rugs.

Fine, I'll do a Jewy rug.

You're going to be okay with it.

It sounded weird when I said it.

I didn't mean it to come out that way.

You know, when you walk on them, they go,

Oi, oh, ow.

A consonant.

They really complain the rugs.

What does Oi, Kovort mean?

It means I'm on my back.

On my back.

Kovolt, is he back?

No, Kovoit is back.

Kovoit.

Yeah.

Kepi is head, Kovolt is scrotum. Is this going in and out? No.
This podcast is going in. It's great.
There it is. Is that a Nickelodeon neck chain? Well, that's that.
There you go. I did Double Dare, yeah.

You didn't do Double Dare.

I went to a Double Dare event.

I wasn't one of the contestants.

They said that I was too Jewish.

This was the 90s.

Oh, so they said the other one.

No, they said we already have a Jew.

Do you remember that big nose with the slime,

the flags that came out for the picture?

That was actually Jewish Whitmore.

That's Jewy Whitmore?

Jewy Whitmore.

Whitmore, Whitmore, and?

Cabal.

Yeah.

And Cabal.

Whitmore, Whitmore, and Cabal.

Yeah.

He's one of the best.

Yeah, he got strong recently.

What happened?

He got that superhero movie.

Once you landmall those, it's over.

Yeah.

That's crazy.

He used to be a comedian.

Yeah, that's why we don't want you to be Captain America, because then this whole thing would go fuck. That could be one.
Bobby said he was going to start a training regiment to get in shape and get jacked. Oh, you're going to get fucked by a whole bunch of guys? Yep.
Because that's the only training Bobby will ever do. We'll be right back.
No, it is good to be here. You make me happy and sad at the same time.
Why do I make you happy? When I see you or face, I just love you I really do, I think we're friends And I look at you and I just It's a ball of insanity There we go There's just so much energy and all that, it's great Did you see how I came in kind of calm though? You did, you came in great I'm coming in calm You had to go pee thought maybe you were doing something else. No, we started earlier, but we just wanted to see you come in.
We wanted to see your vibe when you walked in. How was it? Sunglasses.
Real strong. Pretty cool, right? Real strong.
Pretty strong. The Nickelodeon chain is probably pulling most of my focus.
These guys like the sweater, but I've kind of been pining for that. I'm not going to lie.
Chris pining? I have a surprise for you. Pine Tarring.

Chris?

Dude, if he was here. Chris Pining.

Could you come in and do Chris Pine?

No, he can't.

Yeah, I mean, yeah.

With that guy.

That's a hard impression to do, Chris Pine.

No, it's not.

Do one.

Fine.

What's the Wonder Woman?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me do Wonder Woman.

Careful, racist. I guess you could say.
Oh, yeah, it was too much. Yeah, of all people.
Well, that was me clinking my fucking... Two times.
What would you say would happen if you have a weakness in your armor? What would you call it? Chink in the armor. Oh, it's not what I meant.
But clink is a racial term. Hey, you fucking dirty clink.
I've heard that before. You have? Get in that hole, clink.

It's a plumber's wife.

It's a derogatory term for a plumber's wife.

So, um,

you do Wonder Woman.

Fuck it.

No, you're doing it.

You're a clink.

I'm Wonder Woman.

Go ahead.

Whoa.

Dude, that's Chris Pine.

That was Keanu Reeves.

Oh, I was thinking of Matrix.

Oh.

Okay.

I guess I can't do a Chris Pine.

Nah, I don't think anybody can.

It's really hard.

It's really hard.

Because he's kind of very like,

Thank you. Oh, I was thinking of Matrix.
Oh, okay. I guess I can't do a Chris Pine movie.
Nah, I don't think anybody can. It's really hard.
It's really hard. Because he's kind of very like...
Dude, that was it. Is that it? He's brooding and approachable, though.
I think he's an underrated movie star. I really think he...
Underrated? Yeah, he's... When people are thinking of movie stars, no one is like Chris Pine.
They're always like Tom Hanks. Chris Hemsworth.
They give him the other chris hemsworth that's that's i have to say he's supposed to be i'm a huge jj abrams star trek fan yeah he's their fan i think he i think everyone in there nails it i fell in love with benedict cumberbatch from that star trek series and then i watched he play um buck sebastian bach is is he not on the show it is a one-syllable name, I think, like Zork or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what it is? Because the original movie, they did a movie with, you know what I mean, the original cast. Oh, yeah, you were one of the aliens.
It was called Wrath of. Khan.
Khan. Khan.
He played Khan. Isn't that cool that I know that, but I don't know.
How do you know that? Because I hear things. It's the same thing with Harry Potter.
I hear things. I don't know what it is but i hear it man he was good in that harry potter con benedict cumberbatch oh we do that let me do that i watch the sherlock series see if you can finish it okay very good very good very good yeah you know it yeah you know it and it was wow yeah is that it that was good see what i mean i'm embedded in the sounds like when han zimmer has diarrhea did you know that in star trek it starts out with you know for they're they're going on a mission for five years yeah that's because they wanted that's five years to hit syndication and that's why they did that interesting yeah 100 eps yeah what if they said that they're going on a mission for 100 episodes

that's funny that came out a lot that that was made the same time uh the show as the mission

impossible show and the network only wanted to pick up one of them and they were going with

mission impossible and you know who made star trek a thing who lucio ball wow yeah she was an executive producer and she was like, no, we like this. And then they ended up doing both of them.
Wow. Can we get a moment of silence real fast for Alan Arkin? Oh, God.
Man, he was a good actor. He was so good.
It's a bummer. Yeah.
That's one of those where you read it and you go, no, don't do that. Not him.
He's a guaranteed laugh in everything he's done. He's so good.
He's a good actor. You were great.
You would have been a great Spock. There was almost a made a documentary on Leonard Nimoy.
He was a rug. He was a rug.
No, he was bald. Was he? Yeah, he was a rug.
A rugman. You're saying he wore a rug.
He's a rug rugman We're going to refer to Jewish actors as rugman I'm going to start referring to Go for it Search hunt for it You're right there I feel it I already know what it is Thank you Call 877-CASH-NOW 877-CASH-NOW It's my money, I want it right now I love that woman that yells out the window She just leans out of a window in New York It's my money, I want it now To a city, to just a random city Can I be honest with you? I literally have no idea what you guys are talking about You've never seen this commercial? Maybe this will help you Call J.G Wentworth. 877 cash now.
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Call JG Wentworth. We'll insure your cats and get you money.
You might right away. Good to say cats.
That's why you are who you are. Missed.
Gotcha. Came on of cats showing the cat things I'm fascinated by this Bobby's gonna love this Bobby just checked out for a second he does Ricky I want you see this I just saw this the other day okay it's it's from a while ago but is the first time ever I've ever heard of this there's a prison where they give every prisoner a cat oh yeah I love this do you know this Bob I never heard of this in my life they used to do it in vietnam oh boy lunch for lunch hit play what does she say and after about a month the warden called me they were worried that they would rape and kill the cats that's not what happened here now well they never killed them 25 to 30 cats here on a regular basis this feeling of pride coming off of all these men pause it they are can you pun intended you imagine at night these cats are just like chilling together at night and they're like how did we end up in this situation we're surrounded by murderers and rapists we've got to get out but don't you think don't you think with with with prison being a for-profit institution that a lot of these people aren't rapists and murderers and actually the U.S.
government is the biggest rapist of them all? Preach. Hey, during the commercial break, did you catch the pause joke I made? I did and I heard it and I just didn't let it land hard enough.
But I should. Yeah, let's try it again.
No, no, no. It's fine.
It's for us and we're back. Yeah.
Can you pause it? Yeah. It's already paused.
That's why it's not going.

It already happened.

That joke only had one life, one life, one life.

One life, one life, one life, one life.

One life, one life, and that's nine.

I was already at nine.

I took your... There it is.

There's no way cats have nine lives. Yeah, but here's the thing.
Do you really think they got nine? Buddy, if I knew that, I'd be a millionaire. You are a millionaire.
Well then, ask me off camera. What happens at the end? They kill and rape the cats.
Yeah. No, really? Or they embezzle them.
No, really, what happens? They fill them with cocaine. No, what happens is for a moment in time, this does keep cutting out.
Are you hearing me okay? For a moment in time, these prisoners get to just connect with something that reminds them of real life. You know, we're a tribal animal, you and me.
I don't know what this guy is. Morgan and Morgan! What happened, Rick? What happened, Rick? I fell and I hit my dang elbow.
Oh, no. Was that from a previous accident that you were in? Well, it happened once before and again on somebody else's property.
Let me tell you something. What happens when you get into a little baby accident and you don't know what to do? You don't know what to turn to? Who has insurance? Who pays? What happens? Bob, tell bob tell them well what if you're ever injured you can check out morgan morgan because you know what morgan morgan is america's number one injury law firm so easy it's so easy all you gotta do is pick up the phone yeah it's like using an app it's easier than hiring a lawyer and it is hiring a lawyer but all you have to do is do that submitting a claim to morgan morgan is easiest pretending pretending you didn't see that 5 p.m email from your boss hello submitting a claim to morgan morning is as easy as swiping right on a dating app submitting a claim to morgan morning is so easy it's so easy it's so easy it's unbelievable bobby's been in a couple accidents we got an accident a couple years ago and i didn't know what to do what to do who to turn to but morgan and morgan is the best they're america's largest injury law firm they have over 100 offices offices nationwide, more than 800 lawyers, and with over $15 billion received for clients, Morgan and Morgan has a proven track record of fighting to get you full and fair compensation.
If you're ever injured, you can check out Morgan and Morgan. They're free.
It's free unless they win. For more information, go to forthepeople.com slash badfriends or dial pound law.
That's pound 529 from your cell phone. That's for the people.
F-O-RR. The people dot com slash bad friends or pound law pound five to nine from your cell.
There's a paid advertisement. Bird dogs.
You know what? I love shorts. Yeah.
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All South Koreans became one year younger under new age counting law. I saw.
You guys can't count either, huh? No, because when you're a jet, you're a jet all the way from your first cigar to your last dying day. You know, in Korea.
When you're born, you're one years old in Korea. Yeah, it's kind of like how the 21st century is the 2000s.
Correct. The 20th century is the 19th.
Isn't that right? You're like nine months old when you're born because you were in the belly for nine months. I think that makes the most sense.
Okay, thank you. Yeah.
I created it. But when is the moment of...
When's the moment of... Well, that's a great question.
And now I want to actually get into your feelings on abortions you're going to say the moment of that the child is yeah when does it count every person is one year old at birth adds another year so no you're turning one it's not it's not it's not about the body it's just like there is no zero and i do think that's really a good good lesson to learn there is no zero yeah i was never a zero do you see this trophy that he was given yeah it looks it looks this trophy looks like a guy who's kicking who just isn't quite flexible enough well yeah it seems like a participation well this was we gave this to him for a kick in the habit when he got sober this was this is when he got sober because and it is kind of how long has it been now a year and a half year and a half or in korea two and a half years that's right that's you and I in an alternative universe the internet we're the wish version of this yeah this is where the wish comedy these guys this is Ryan gos guys from the Barbie premiere correct and he plays Ken one or one of the Ken's I guess yeah I guess there's a lot of Kens. I read for that movie.
Yeah, you think you were going to be?

No, I was like a receptionist or something.

Oh, talking about my jokes.

It was like four lines.

I couldn't even get it.

What's this gentleman's name again?

Sing Wee-Woo.

Is it Sing Wee-Woo?

I don't know.

From Ten Rings.

Asian Marvel guy.

Shang-Chi.

That's not him, my guy.

Shang-Chi.

That's not his name.

That's 100% not his name.

You're racist.

That's not his name.

That's the name of the superhero.

Yeah, it's Leo.

It's the L-I-U one. It's something with Lou.
Yeah S-I-M-U Simu Simu Yeah S-I-M-U Simu Yeah nice job Is that what you say to somebody When you're asking them to quiet down Yeah Simu Simu Simu down Simu down Simu down now Simu down now Which is also what they say If somebody's shooting shots at him Sim Sumo down now! Sumo down now! Well, that took five minutes off my night. When was the last time you got bamboozled? Who bamboozled you? I'll tell you something.
I'll tell you something. I know the first time I can remember being for real bamboozled.
I was 18. You we go you know me right doing my thing in new york right with my first girlfriend we take a trip we drove drove from cleveland to nantucket her aunt has a house in nantucket yeah she does you remember she's great there's a hole in my bucket dear liza nantucket so we're doing our thing hanging out now i'm on the street i don't really drink but at the time my people were going out to clubs and dancing and I loved that.
And I didn't have a fake. I had like my brother's old friend's ID.
It doesn't look like me. I was in the market for a fake ID.
Psych. You were.
Bad boy. So I'm on the street doing my thing.
And a guy walks by, he goes, we need fake IDs. And I go, yeah.
He goes, what do you want? Fake ID, how much? 50 bucks. I only have a $100 bill.
I gave him the $100. Keep it.
He goes, do you have 50? He goes, yeah, I'll be right back. He went to go get the change.
And while he's getting the change, and he's getting the change. Why would he not be getting the change? He said he's getting the change.
I mean getting the change why would he not be getting the change he said he's getting the change i mean i'm giving him

you know so i'm sitting there for three hours before it even registers i think i was bamboozled

i it wasn't like i'm like fuck this guy probably fucked me i was just

hey i'm waiting for my fake id for three hours bro the same exact thing happened to me

it's not about that well i think i've told the story before. The surfer.
I don't know it. What? The surfer and the frog.
Isn't this an old Korean folktale? No. Not the surfer and the frog.
He who surfs with frog on wave will end their beautiful, glorious days, not alone, sad or thick. Something, something, eat frog's dick.
It's something about it. It's an old Korean proverb.
Yeah, yeah. Whether it's nobler in the mind to suffer, neither slings nor arrows.
For a lily pad could jump, but for me, I am barrow. I am barren, I am soul-searched, I am empty inside.
But my knees may be weak, my soul flies high. Pride is nothing in a mind's eye when I look in the mirror if I see myself as nothing more than blurry or clear.
It's situation for me to speak to a situation of love because I could speak to God all day but I'm the only one above what I can be you're not my competition but you may be it's a sacrilegious situation because the only thing I compete with is a former version of myself the only thing you compete with is your God heaven this is all written on his mirror I don't I've seen it did you. Did you just make that up? Yeah.
Yeah. That's insane.
I would never be able to do that. That's one of my things.
You should check out the Harry Mack episode to take your shoes off. How do you even do that? Let me, teach me.
You can't. Yeah.
You can't. I can.
Can we spend the rest of this time? Give me one line and maybe I can go keep going. All right, but here's something that you're going to, I'm judging you on this, and I might be wrong, but I'm going to ask you a real question.

Are you able to be present?

I'm present right now.

Okay.

What is something that you're ashamed of?

I'm ashamed of my body.

How so?

I was doing the fucking thing that you were doing.

Yeah, he was about to start rolling.

What is it that you're ashamed of?

The way it's shaped.

Yeah.

How is it shaped?

It's shaped like a bottle. A bottle in in the ocean the ocean's filled with water but the water is poison commotion lotion oh i like that i like that i like that no no no that's great no you're saying you're saying your body is shaped in a way you don't like but even worse than that inside of you is poison what I said.
That's dark, that's beautiful, that's honest. Thank you so much, does that have to rhyme?

That's right.

But it still did rhyme.

Listen, I know you people can't drive,

but I'll give you a poetic license.

So one day I was living in Draper Street in La Jolla.

Damn!

Dog?

Is that what you had for lunch?

Yeah.

And I get a knock on my door, the door but do you have to do the sound effect yeah okay oh yeah yeah so why did you open before you why would you open it and then knock yeah you knock and then well he knocks on my face that's what the crazy thing was that thing's pretty flat i open the door and so what and i'm like was Ow And he was My landlord was knocking on my face Holy shit Shit I was crazy Where I go Don't fucking punch me in the face dog Right He's like I'm sorry You opened the door You know what I mean You know what I mean Anyway What does this do with your body What Are we talking about your body No I'm talking about When I was fucking bamboozled. I wasn't there.
I am. You thought I was doing another one of those fucking things? Another one? You never did one to begin with and you were crying over crying one.
The ocean, the potion. And the fucking...
Buddy, that wasn't honest. But talk about your bamboozlement.
I wonder if any of those guys in prison with the cats was one of our people. Maybe.
is it why let me ask you something why is it when you told your fucking thing buddy I didn't interrupt I'll tell you the truth yeah go ahead do you want to hear the truth yeah I maybe am at a point in the day where a little bit of silliness just kicked in um and yeah with that silliness kicking in yeah I kind of zoomed in under where we were and i wasn't able to see all the balls in the air right i forgot about it okay and i remember now and boy is my arm tired okay so i'm gonna put it down and please tell us about the time you were about booze right knock knock knock ow don't punch me in the face man he's like sorry but that's but that's i'm sorry i have a question yeah because that feels like you're just saying that because we called you out for the knocking and the door opening at the wrong time because you weren't even going to do sound effects so now you adding that beat to the story to play with this. And that's where I'm out.

Like, I don't believe you.

So be more real about it.

But I don't believe you.

Okay, I'll be more real.

Yeah.

So he didn't knock on your face, right?

No.

Right.

So because like, that's already bamboozled.

Now you already got there.

And you know what?

Now the audience got bamboozled.

Do I have to do sound effects then?

You guys threw in a fucking...

Yes!

Knock, knock, knock.

Right.

Who's there?

Hey. Hey.
George. That's my landlord.
Kimmel? Yeah. No, knock.
Right. Who's there? Hey.

Hey.

George.

That's my landlord.

Kimmel?

Yeah.

No.

No.

No.

He was like an old man.

He goes, there's a guy outside to see you.

I go, I don't know.

I was 22 years old.

I was working at a coffee shop called The Panican back then in La Jolla.

Shot of Panican?

There's a good one. There's a good one.

So then I go outside and there's a fat man out there and he has no shoes. I told you the story? Oh, yeah.
I don't know. I'm interested.
Yeah. I don't want to say the same story again on the fucking thing.
Maybe this time tell it with some fucking sound effects so people remember. Yeah.
It'll sink in more. Yeah.
Like me in this $900 chair. Yeah.
And that $900 shirt. That's an $1,800 vibe over there.

Well, if I were naked.

Do you have a bamboo that we have now?

When I was bamboozled?

Yeah.

When was I bamboozled?

You would never?

Andrew, why don't you check your back pocket?

No problem.

You just got bamboozled.

At some point, I do want to mention

that I'm doing a podcast with Esther.

I know.

What's it called?

Rick and Esther have a time.

And I feel like people who like bad friends

would like it because it's a similar vibe

to what you guys have.

I'm like Andrew,

and you and Esther are both

little short losers with decent tits.

When I found out you were doing a podcast, I was very excited. You were really good at beatboxing, and that kind of turned me on.
I know. I heard it for a second.
Go ahead. While I was giving you a compliment.
Could you rap it? You know him beatboxing. Obviously, you have to.
He's an unbelievable beatboxer. Can I beatbox it? I don't know how to rap.
No, you have to rap it. Yeah, that's the whole point.
Wait a minute. Can you beatbox him in the question? Beatbox him in the question.
Go ahead. No, no, no.
I want you to beatbox him in the question. No, he was going to give me a compliment.
Beatbox me the compliment. Beatbox him the compliment.
That's a fucking great merch. Beatbox me the compliment.
I forgot what compliment was. What was my compliment? I thought the ester pot.
You were excited. Oh, yeah.
Okay. Ready? No, no, stop.
Please keep going.

It sounds like a mentally challenged Asian person. Let me finish.

Nice.

Pretty good, huh?

Yeah.

Really good?

You do it.

You bebop.

That's fun.

That was really good. Thank you, dude.
All right, fine. Could you do that and be buck that's fun that was really good thank you

could you do that and you rap over it yeah yeah when I found out you had a podcast it's like you're turning into a frog yeah Ribbit

Smart

I'm so excited. Andrew, honestly, have you heard a beatbox? Go do it.
Watch this. I like how Maddie gets.
Do it. Go do it.
I can't do it today.

Man, you can't be put on the spot for a beatbox.

You are so good at it.

Yeah, ready?

Okay, go.

Lead me in. I can't.
I came from overseas On a boat On my knees Had to Swab the poop deck Kept getting poop On the poop deck It's Bobby Lee it's Bobby Lee oh it's Bobby Lee really good question if late night comes back could that be your intro music I wish I would love to have a late night show we should have an after after hour show so we can finally say the things That people are too scared to say Should we say it at the same time and they'll blank it out 1, 2, 3 Wow I thought you guys were not going to do it I was a little offended about that I did it It's Bobby Bobby Lee I'm on a boat I'm on a boat I gotta work for my wages I'm Bobby Lee. I'm on a boat.
I'm on a boat. I got to work for my wages.
I'm Bobby Lee. I blew the captain.
I blew the captain. He gave me a free ticket from South Korea.
This is my first cruise. My name is Bobby Lee.
I love to the upper deck and beneath the sea. But if I kind of got into gambling, I'd be afraid I'd bet all of my money.
My name is Bobby Lee. Bobby, Bobby Lee.
Bobby, Bobby Lee. Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby, Bobby.
Come on, do it. Come on, that would have been a great place to do it.

Please do it.

You can't ask.

It's got to happen.

I'll tell you one thing.

After the podcast.

Okay.

Wow.

This has been a human experience.

It is.

It's uplifting.

It's God-like.

It's God-like.

It's another level. It's God.
It's God. It's God.
Like, um, it's another level.

I feel the same.

What?

You know,

I feel the same.

What?

Cleveland's finest right there.

You're good.

Cleveland's finest.

You're real good.

See that?

You can,

they can,

they can't do that in Cincinnati.

Hey,

careful.

I refer to myself as a he. They can't do that in Cincinnati Hey, careful I refer to myself as a he They can't do that in Cincinnati You know Oh! Oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah Bond Bond Bond Bond Bond Bond Bond Bond Listen to me Talk about the things in my mind Everything I do, I feel so sublime It's sick and tired of the motions that be holding me down But then I don't find my brand account He is sad but has a red, big, red nose He has silly hair and the makeup that goes like.
The sugar when he smiles. The sugar when he groans.
But no for underneath the cellophane in the ground. In the ground, I will bury you.
I will make you freeze before the coffin drops. Brother.
I forgot to tell you, I'm doing like wrestling wrestling I'm working on wrestling guy I like wrestling guy you listen to me and you listen good brother if you don't put your headphones back on this minute I'll make you wish you could never hear again do your wrestling guy let's hear yours yeah. I'll tell you right now.
Me and me and Saliba are together. We'll brush your baby all day, man.
Andrew, I'm going to hear yours. Bobby's yours wasn't good.
Andrew, go ahead. I thought it was actually really good.
It was funny, but it's like, ha-ha, look at the clown.

It wasn't like he wasn't going to play a wrestling guy.

That guy was not going to be able to wrestle.

That was so stupid.

I have no sex at all.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, fuck.

All right, I'm down.

All of your impressions sound like you're turning into a frog.

You do are very frog-like.

Can I have the gun?

Andrew, can I have the gun for the rest of this? The gun? The gun. Oh, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Okay.
Andrew, could we hear you're a wrestling guy? Oh, yeah. You want to step into the ring with me? I'll dismember your entire body in front of your whole family.
They'll be calling state to state, county to county, begging to find out who ripped you to shreds. It is I, the Red of pain the royal rumbler the wreckage wrestler the red rowdy redhead from space how's that oh what a gift that guy now that's how you do it Bobby, maybe you just needed a gong.
Yeah, let's try it again Bobby just you know that poison that inside of your bottle of a body This is where it's literally spilling out. Let your voice is the melting glass of the bottle.
Okay, let it out The afternoon before Sun primal deep look at me You know, for real, Bobby, Bobby, look at me. Look at me me for a second There's a difference Between talking up here And talking primal Yeah let me hear it Bring it down Yeah but you have to Pronunciation I'm just kidding More Japanese More Japanese I don't want to do More Japanese More Japanese I want to feel like I can do stuff We can't sell Korean The networks don't They need Japanese.
Yeah, but I don't... Can I just be this guy? Yes, one thing at a time.
No, you're not coming. Well, I'm not.
No, no, let him feel it. I like that.
Keep coming. Let him feel it.
Okay. Keep going.
Do that a couple more times. Yeah.
The night has risen between the two thoughts of my own impressions. Yeah, yeah.
Creating malice and mayhem within your mind will contemplate all the season's greetings. I'll rip the bones within each other when it comes to a cascade of thought and expression.
You will see the fucking fury of my mind's eye. Create the holes that you dig within the barriers of your own truth.
I am Yellow Thunder of Knife Swings 2000. That's the newest edition.
That's good. That was good.
There goes the Yellow Swings of Knife Thunder 2000. Man, I used to want that bike when I was a kid.
Yeah, it had seven speeds.

No less.

Way less.

Yeah, I felt like his had pegs.

He's been pegged?

What?

Bobby, question.

Yes.

How did it feel, the first one to the second one?

I liked the first one better.

Really?

Yeah.

The first one was better.

No, I liked that.

It was fun.

I should have... The name, probably, I'm going to change it.

I think it's perfect.

What's the other name?

Well, when I say it was...

Thank you. I should have the name probably I'm gonna change it.
I think I think it's the other name. Well, when I say it was

Yellow Thunder 2000

Yeah, Little Yellow Thunder. Yeah, Little Yellow Thunder 2000.
That's pretty sounds more Native American Little Yellow Thunder. Yeah

I mean they were the first so you know you gotta we're all copying them at some point

That was crazy. Oh shit.
Yeah, I rewatched the other day comes to, I re-watched The Ballad of Buster Scruggs. That's unequivocally one of the best.
Don't recall. It's fucking unbelievable.
Never heard of it. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs? Never heard of it.
Wow. I heard the song of Buster Scruggs.
This isn't a moment for judgment, it's a moment for learning. This is an un-fucking-believement.
Coen Brothers, right? It's maybe one of the greatest things i've ever oh yeah i remember this five short move five short films put together as one film i never saw any of them i did see it it's but i did see it yeah so fucking good i re-watched it on the plane there's five shorts yeah it was so fucking good man it was so good brendan gleason zo kazan that's her name zoe kazan yeah yeah franco gets Yeah, that's Zoe Kazan right that's her she's so fucking good she's so good it honestly it's one of those like it makes me miss westerns I don't know why we don't do more spaghetti westerns or western I like this because this is the it's characters it's easy like Buster Scruggs at the beginning he's got this great voice I'm Buster Scruggs and it's this deliciously rich character looking at the beginning and he sings i'm on my horse and it's just a it's a guy that existed in a time and we don't have in that you are so talented but i'm saying i miss that don't you miss that characters that are fucking youtube you're i mean that voice that you did i i want watch you do much more I want to do voices I that's why I want to do

this I wanted this thing yeah you're great for this I can do them too

Rick settle in get ready hey man howdy welcome to the town you want to hear a

jamboree from my old times.

Yeah, we'd like it.

Here we go. Here we go.

Hey.

Howdy.

You're my cousin Andy.

What could I do for you?

Hey, how's the minds doing at this time of season?

We're fine.

Not much of an audience.

He's a mine.

He's a mine.

He's been a mine for years.

I said mines, but he's doing a bit now.

Yes, I know.

I'm just trying to make light of the passing of Walter Scriggs.

Scriggs died.

Yes.

He died.

Why did Scriggs die? How did he die, did he die how did he die man well he just old old and just fell over 32 32 years old man poor old man 32 years old me and my cousin here just passing through town looking for somewhere to sleep maybe well we're a singing duo. Yeah, well, we're cousins.
He's my cousin.

I'm his cousin.

I thought you said.

You're my second cousin.

Didn't you say I was your cousin?

Y'all are related.

We're all.

First base.

Hey, man.

It's Jimmy, our cousin.

Jimmy.

Jimmy, yeah.

Yeah.

Take that mustache off.

Jimmy, there you are, you son of a bitch.

Jimmy, there he is.

That's why I didn't recognize you, you fucking scumbag.

It's insane, your voice is.

You never had facial hair before.

You can't grow it.

Thank you. That's why I didn't recognize you You fucking scumbag It's insane your voice You never had facial hair before You can't grow it can you Is that your western song By the way the way you said Would you keep doing that voice This boy I'm Even though I know you could this, I'm fucking flabbergasted right now.
How engaged and that's crazy. Bobby's is great.
No, you're like, you're, that's, you're, that's, this is what you do. This is literally, you're a professional.
This is top of the line of all the people in the world that don't actually talk like that. You're like at the top of that, man.
Tipton. How do we monetize that? I mean, do you guys make money here? We don't.
We haven't made money in quite a while. Here's the deal.
Here's the deal. Here's the deal.
the deal I mean That's insane That's nothing

You know what it is

You know what it is

It's honestly

It's like

The sun

It's like

When LeBron's

One of the kids

Was three

And he's shooting

Like you know

The big basketball

But on the small hoop

They're like

Very good

Hold on one sec

Hold on one sec

It's really good

God that hurts so bad

Honey that honestly

Fuck you dude

That hurts so bad

But it is

It's really good

But your daddy's doing it

For real right now

And people are watching

I'm sorry. One sec, hold on one sec.
It's really good. God, that hurts so bad.
Fuck you, dude. That hurts so bad.
But it is, it's really good. But your daddy's doing it for real right now.
And people are watching. And you're stepping on it.
Well, we were on the tour at McCone. We bought Once Upon a Time in the West by Sergio Leone.
And the first 10 minutes of the movie, there's no dialogue. It's just characters.
Kind of like No Country for Old Men. Yeah, three minutes of no dialogue.
I think there's three or four, not villains, but bad guys. Yeah, villains.
Yeah, close-up are their eyes. You know what I mean? They're little, you know, one guy does a thing with a fly.
The fly lands on his face. But it's a slow build-up.
And then all of a sudden, what's the guy's name? Charles Bronson shows shows up right harmonica what harmonica the heart you hear the harmonica right yeah but there's no

oh fuck oh he's coming oh fuck i'm so fucking embarrassed i'm so fucking embarrassed

honestly please take that out i'm so fucking embarrassed

i have this thing sometimes where i just come, if I'm listening to someone, be so boring. Oh, for real.
I'm so fucking embarrassed. Take that out.
I honestly, I just fucking come from listening to you. That's the quickest I've ever come.
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
Are you okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You all right? Here we go.
There's Jimmy again. Now Boris again, so we all die at 32.
Can I tell you what happened with me in Hawaii? Tell me. I fell in love with the ocean, huh? I fell in love with the ocean.
He did. I went out there, and I went free diving, and I fell in love with the ocean I went out there and I went free diving And I fell in love with the ocean I swam down deep And I got it I understood You're not coming yet I am engaged Why is his and then me come I don't know I think he knows the beats He's got funny voices he's engaged He's present I don't know he's got something you don't have Andrewrew tell me more about the ocean i'll tell you something about the ocean it reminds me of a movie point break no it's like an old western with charles bronson you'd hear a harmonica you'd see these villains faces at the beginning like an old western yeah do you hear those things and all you would see is their eyes sneering at the camera this sultriness pouring out of them heat exuding from their face and out of nowhere you hear harmonica it's broken no i mean this in a high compliment No chance that would make me cum Oh more Okay Forget it Oh my I understand.
We're enemies. More on to me.
Stop talking. It's so boring.
You're so boring. You're so boring.
Thank you for being a bad friend. You're so boring.
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Bird dogs! You know, I have a little ass in big quads and a huge cock. I can't find pants that fit my body type.
What do you suggest? You got to get a cock reduction with that big old fucking thick cock you got. You know, those fucking things are never going to fit.
That thing's never going to fit in bird dogs. Can I ask Can I ask something Maybe I'm out of turn here I'm going to ask for an edit You check your back pocket You look and we cut back and you're sitting here and I'm there Or is that too much of a me thing They're going to cut back When I say check your pocket We're going to cut to your chair And it's me checking my pocket And then I'll look over at you and you're gonna be fucking bamboozled and then we'll switch back

yeah Yeah. Woo.
Yeah.