Hollywood-ish Bobby w/ Adam Devine

You two are bad friends.

Who are these two idiots?

White dude and an Asian dude.

You two are disgusting.

You two are something.

We're bad friends.

Hey, Adam Devine is here!

My boy, Adam Devine.

My man.

My man.

So you sent me a poster of a movie Thursday.

Yeah.

But I didn't listen.

I know you didn't even look at it because you're like,

I'm going to go ahead and get it. My man.
My man. So you sent me a poster of a movie Thursday.
Yeah.

But I didn't listen.

I know you didn't even look at it because you're like, I'm going to walk.

Yeah.

It's an invite to a screening of the movie.

I'm trying to get my friends and people.

I thought you were sending me.

My friends with successful podcasts.

Yep.

I thought he was sending me shit he's just in.

So I'm like, oh, I'll watch.

You know what I mean?

He wants me to watch that.

And then I look at it.

it successful podcast uh yeah i thought he was sending me shit he's just in so i'm like oh i'll watch you know i mean he wants to be watching me watch that and then i look at it it was a premiere yeah i can't make it it's fine all right do you even know when the premiere is thursday what this thursday this thursday right it's next thursday and it wasn't i can go dude okay come here's the funny you're gonna go here's the funny it's not a dude you're gonna be disappointed because it's not the main premiere. It's not the main premiere.
That's all right. It's a screening.
I've been a screening. So can you go next Thursday? Yeah.
No, no, you can't. Why? You're on the road with me.
I can't make it. God damn.
I'm so sorry, dude. That's fine.
But dude, I want to watch it. Guy has no idea about his own schedule.
Can I hype up the movie real quick? Yeah. Go ahead.
And then I'll leave. Pierce Brosnan's in it.
Pierce Bros's in it no it uh it it uh the trailer came out yesterday yeah 24 million people watched it in 24 hours and that was the uh the highest trailer like across all platforms uh a million people an hour i don't know if it was they might have all watched it in the first hour i don't know how it was yeah but let's just say an average yeah we'll say that is the average and uh is bigger than murder mystery bigger than hustle big over than than our movie game over man so i'm the king of the world baby is it a comedy is it a comedy comedy down i'm just come on back down to i'm excited man you know me mr ego you are dude but is it a comedy yeah it is yeah i say you- You don't let me in the other things yet. I also have to say you and Tony Cavallaro on that show, it's just the best.
Have you seen them? The Righteous Gemstones? Yeah, man. But them together though.
Yeah. It's comedy gold.
Yeah. I'm old friends with Tony.
Good dude. Oh, are you? Oh, old friends.
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Good dude. But you guys together, oh my God.
Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. A big swinging dick in Hollywood.
He is a Hollywood guy, isn't he? Now he is. We all are.
I see this new studio. Not me, dude.
I'm not Hollywood. Last time I saw this studio, it was in like a little shit heap.
Yeah. This room was like, this room right here was three times the size of your other studio.
Yeah, this is. Yeah.
Yeah. So, hey.
Adam, would you say that Andrew is more Hollywood than me?

Be honest.

Successful?

Yeah.

Just in general.

Oh, we're not talking success?

I don't want you to hurt my feelings.

You might have said yourself up for this. I don't want to hurt my feelings.

You know what I mean?

I think you set yourself up for this.

I think I do, too.

No, you know what?

My heart's open.

If that's the case.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, then there you go. Dude, I just saw you on a plane and a movie, House Party.
Yeah. Sorry about that.
Yeah. Dude, they had to spend more money on that panda.
Pretty bad. You mean, oh, the koala.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, the koala.
Pretty bad. Pretty bad.
The movie's not good? No, man. It's not good.
Well, it's not great, but it's fine for what it is. I wouldn't even say it's fine for what it is.
I've been in bad movies, too, and I don't like to, because everyone goes into a movie saying, like, this is going to be good. We're going to make this good.
And you watch it, and you're like, oh, fuck. House Party's bad.
I've never been in a bad movie. Really? Kicking in old school is good.
Kicking in old school have to have you have to be in the right mood to watch it yeah you know you've never been in anything that's bad yeah tell me i think you're i think your track record's flawless what do you mean i think everything you've ever made has been really really good everything i feel like there's an angle it seems like you're setting something yeah no i didn't attack i think stuff is good go for it look at this imdb this guy oh don't be fucking well first of all go back to the top real fast that photo from 36 years ago is hot that's when i first met bobby that's what he looked like yeah wore a lot of blazers uh was always fingering his asshole from the front. And the cuff in the pants, dude.

Get him too long.

Don't bother him enough.

Hey, I did that.

Roll him up, dude.

How do I switch that photo?

I hate it.

No, leave it.

For years, I've been trying to switch it.

Who controls that?

Dude, I don't know.

Do they?

I've been wondering that, too.

I feel like my IMDb photo is good,

but my Wikipedia.

So there's some asshole out there

that just keeps changing it to like, it's me on the macy's day you want to change that yeah yeah yeah you please do because i don't like it dude yeah they had like a i had like a really bad photo for a while that was from comic-con where i'm like dangerously hung over yeah yeah just like all the fat and then that was that for years yeah and then they changed it to one that i actually like secretly really liked what was it i was i was at uso tour and i was like i had a jaw for the troops yeah there's troops around so i look like i care about stuff uh you know look up andrew i want to see andrew i'm wearing i have a scarf fuck me yeah what is that i want to see andrew's wikipedia you know what yours is i have no idea no i don't know oh that's fine that's pretty that's fine so here's what's creepy here's what's creepy hold on here's what's creepy about this this is what i'm this is what i i don't know i've never done a thing to it yeah that's from neil brennan's podcast that i did like six months ago. So someone must be updated.
Neil did it. Neil fucking Brennan.
He thinks he's the fucking comedy police. And that's funny because he changed yours.
It all makes sense now. Do mine.
Son of a bitch, dude. Let's see what yours is.
Yours also. Another.
Oh, that's a really good podcast. That's from Neil.
That's not bad. I swear to God, that's from Neil Brennan's from neil that's not bad i swear to god that's from neil brennan i know it is so he's fucking doing it i'm gonna do his podcast uh in like a week or something hopefully i get a good your picture will change wow i think he does that right not even in high res why they're using like a shitty well good i don't want to be in high res man when it comes to a photo that's just living on the movies can be in high res i understand that yeah but i'm not good statically adam if i'm moving you're a high res guy you're high res is he high res adam no ever since i've known you're fucking high res you've been high res since we met yeah you've always been high you're 4k you're 4k dude and this is you need to be in 240 yeah i want to be 2d i'm 720 you're 240 for sure i'm 540 No, you're not.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I're 4k.
You're 4k, dude. And this is, you need to be in 240.
Yeah. I want to be too deep.
I'm 720. You're 240 for sure.
I'm 540. No, you're not.
Yeah. I have to be 540.
240 doesn't even exist. Okay.
You'll be 540. I'm 7.
I'm blurry. That's right.
Yeah. Okay.
I'm 7. And the only way I know that is from Pornhub where you can adjust.
I don't know how to do it to my very nice TV, but yeah. Sometimes when I'm flicking it from my phone to my TV and it fails because Apple TV won't work.
When you're flicking it is all I heard. While I'm flicking it.
Don't you flick it to the Apple TV? And I've written a few complaint letters to Apple saying, you guys got to get the screen sharing down. Like that screen sharing, it fails all the time.
And you know headquarters just goes into a tizzy when they read that email. They're like, we gotta get it down! Well, what else is it for? What else would you need to flick from your phone to your TV for? For porno? Yeah, if it's not porn what is it for? Yeah, yeah.
What is it for? Yeah. What would it, honestly, there's no need.
Are you gonna look at Instagram via? No. No, Twitter, no, there's nothing you'd need to put from your phone on your TV other than porn.
I'm convinced they made it for porn and they were like, this is going to be a cool thing. I don't know what you're talking about.
I absolutely don't know what you're talking about. I know you don't.
Phone to TV, what do you talk to? Explain. Here, check this out.
I'm sorry. Shortly after the war, don't do this.
Apple invented technology where you could flip your phone to your television. You mean mirror.
Yeah, you can screen mirror. Yeah.
That's what it is. Well, you don't just have a screen mirror.
You can also screen share it. So either mirrors your entire phone or you can just do just videos.
May I ask a question? Yeah, go ahead, kiddo. So if I'm watching like John Wick 4, by the way.
Yeah. He dies.
He does die. Oh, shit.
Yeah, he dies.

Okay.

I don't know if it's a spoiler.

It's been out.

No, he doesn't.

No, he doesn't die.

He dies.

Hey.

He doesn't die.

You saw it?

No, I did not see it, but they're like planning a sequel.

Yeah, that's what's great about it.

I don't know how they're going to revive it.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

That's what's great about it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm curious to see what they're going to come up with.

This is going to make you mad, and I don't know if I told you this. Go ahead.
I went to go see John Wick for. I know, you told me.
Yeah. And I walked out.
You didn't like it. I walked out.
I think I had a heavy day, and it was like- And John Wick wasn't- It just was too- I was like, yeah, I want to go see John Wick. I've seen him all, and I went in there, and I saw like 15, 20 minutes, and I was like, I don't want to do this.
Sure. It's exhausting.
John Wick is not. It's not an easy watch.
It's just exhausting. A lot of brain power goes in.
I couldn't do it too. Dissecting that story.
I just didn't need like. I just couldn't do it.
I was like I gotta go. He made like it was something was something absurd He made like $500,000 a word Because he only says He says like 14 words It's pretty exhausting to watch it Because you're like what is this So I was in You're like who's that I was in Berlin at Studio Babelsberg Shooting shooting my pitch perfect spinoff show bumper in berlin at the same time they were finishing reshoots for john wick 4 and my god we were like the only productions going at that time how like bummed people were when they would just stumble onto our set thinking it was john wick all the time they're like oh it's, oh, it's just bumper.
Nothing special. Oh, nothing special.
Can I just say one thing about John Wick? Is John Wick in there? Oh, just bumper? Okay. Where is he located? Just bumper, huh? The blind...
Did you see John Wick 4? I haven't, no. There's a blind guy in it.
Not that I... I like...
No, no, wait, wait. I love blind people in stuff.
It came out weird. It came out weird.
I love blind people And stuff Not that It came out weird

It came out weird

I love blind people

He thinks blind people

Shouldn't be able to work

Imagine what

That's what cancels Bob

No like

Stevie Wonder biopic

Yeah of course

I love the blind

You know what I mean

Sure

You know what I mean

Whatever

Ray Charles

Yeah there's

You know what I mean

And they're blind

Who else is blind

You know John Wick

There's one

But he has the same skill level

As John Wick

But he's completely blind. Okay.
Doesn't make any sense. Time out.
Yeah. That is the thing of that movie that doesn't make sense.
That's the point I'm going to say. Great flag.
What was John Wick's? Look, dude, John Wick was just a guy whose dog was kidnapped he's not he doesn't have any skill level well he was a you know assassin before yeah kind of what do we kind of he was on the part of a family he was a failed assassin no he retired because he fell in love have you not seen the fucking movie hey hey retired and then the only reason he went back is they killed his dog yeah exactly was wife had died and they killed the dog that his wife gave him the dog no real assassin retires he was not good oh fucking this guy anyway what assassins go out they go out like that they don't fucking retire retire 80 you he's not he's like 50 what does he need what is he getting a pension plan you're still riding high on house party and you take down the rest of hollywood Piece by piece. Yeah, yeah by piece.
So anyway, there's a blind... That's fine.
Does that make sense to you? Yeah, it does. Sure.
Fine. He's Asian too.
So that's why I can make the noise. I don't know where...
It kills like 50 guys. It makes no sense.
Well, no, he's using the force. He's feeling the...
I think it's the same guy look I can kill you right now blind Adam blind his buddy fancy Carlos I can feel it yeah I would have killed everyone wow that was actually really good see see that that was really good yeah it's cool that you guys moved in this nice new studio and then you spent 13 cents on your guest chairs Like this seems like a real desk Hollywood huh Jesus Christ You know how many legends have sat in those chairs Name three Bert Kreischer Okay Who else Tallulah Kadida You don't know Tallulah Kadida Yeah I do He's like one of the hottest young movie stars out right now Who was he in Tallulah Kadida You don't know Tallulah Kadida? Yeah I do It's like one of the hottest Young movie stars out right now Who is he in? Tallulah Kadida's a girl What's she in? What Dude You can't say Two made up names Yeah yeah Tallulah Kadida Is a very famous movie star Can I say this? I think you're wrong She's in Paul Mamet's New movie To Change a Name I'd say dude I watch movies at the level of House Party And then nothing else To Change a Name was a great movie To Change a Name was so good By the way Tallulah is not Airplane material And that's fine Ben Kingsley, Paul Rudd Tilda Swinton is in this chair. Tilda Swinton is in it?

Yep.

Oh, I thought you were talking about people that sat in this chair.

I was like, gee, okay.

I didn't know you got Sir Ben Kingsley to sit in this inflated crap.

Who else is sat in that chair that we can think of?

Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis.

Really?

Yeah, B-Dub.

Shut the fuck up.

No, B-Dub.

After the brain thing.

Well.

After the brain thing.

He was confused.

He thought this was a doctor's office. He thought this was a dental office.
I thought you were doing Neil Brennan's podcast. Yeah, a lot of people.
A lot of famous people. No, you know why we got there? I'm not saying that I'm like- You know, you could be the most famous person that sat there.
That's true. You could be the most famous.
Is that what- That's not what I'm fishing for. But does it feel good? Yeah, I mean, I like compliments, so.reischer broke it last week when he was on yeah kreischer broke it yeah and i would you know and you had to go you had to go back to uh the like target i don't even know i'm trying to think of a shittier store than target there isn't get that yeah to get this store actually we go to those from amazon those are just jeff bezos handmade those those are bezos stitch he does a lot of I think you're a $7,000 bucket shirt.
I take it back. Well, we go to those from Amazon.
Those are Jeff Bezos. Handmade those.
Those are Bezos Stitched.

He does a lot of good work.

Those are $7,000.

I take it back.

Well, the best part was

we opened up the rear deflator on that.

So when Bert got in here,

he sat in it

and at the course of the podcast,

he slowly sunk into nothingness

and then broke the braces on the bottom

because he's such a fucking tard.

And when he was sitting next to Mateo

and Mateo kept looking at him like, why is he like down so is he like and he kept sinking into the thing and he was like did i do it did he assume that he was just too big for the chair correct yeah of course but which we planned and knew immediately and i said he'll he'll think it's him and they were like i don't know i go he will 100 think he broke the chair well dude i think i'm gonna break this chair no no you're a You're a dude you're a tiny little boy you're a tiny boy don't call him that I'm medium sized you're a tiny boy 168 no dude you're way off 182 170 no I'm 190 pounds I just went to the doctor really are you really steel there's it. Yeah, and I just lost like eight pounds.

I was fatter. Thank you.

How tall are you?

Thank you. Five foot eight.

Oh.

Yeah.

Jealous, jealous, jealous.

I always thought you were a shorter guy.

Well, that is shorter technically.

When I see you on screen, it's like 5'4". Yeah, I get that a lot.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're projecting because you're a tiny little man.

You know, the way you say it though is rude. How else do you want me to say it? You're projecting because you're...
Tiny and little. Why tiny little? Because tiny and little are two different words.
There's two different words. So I'm both tiny and little.
Correct. That's fucked up.
You're tiny because... It's true, but don't say...
Asian tiny. Oh, here we go.
And little as... He's compact.
You can be put in a small space. Okay.
I will say, I don't know. know this story this is a bad story but uh it always like i was like damn i hope to get that level someday uh i was like probably 22 or something and we went to green blatz me and you who's me me you me and you yeah me and you i remember one other person yeah i don't know who else was there uh i don't know somebody one other person and uh we were eating at greenblatt's and you ordered so many goddamn beverages you ordered like 20 like not 20 but like legit like six or seven different beverages let me tell you something adam and i was like nothing's changed that's the best that's how to do it and now i'm that asshole i don't thank you yeah i influenced you yeah you did yeah yeah do you why now what no why why do you think I do that? Because you want to taste a little...
Variety! Yeah, variety. Right? Like in my pussy.
In my pussy. Okay.
When I do pussy, right? Yeah. I do black, Mexican, white.
Variety, baby. Yeah, that makes sense.
You don't do black or Mexican. They don't.
White. White.
Almost exclusively white. Yeah sometimes sometimes asians no i i had mexican girlfriend christine portilla did you ever meet christine i don't remember okay 30 years ago it's fine i've had them before that's what i'm saying please don't call me a racist you are i love vaginas sure of all colors yeah anyway i like variety that's why i order a bunch of stuff No, you do that because you're an addict and you're trying to have balance in your life.

That's why he orders all the fucking appetizers.

The fucking addict.

We go to the restaurant.

Oh, the drug fiend is laughing.

We'll get into that.

Dr. Jokfin.

We'll get into that.

Right here.

But every time we go to any restaurant,

he orders literally four or five appetizers on the menu.

And he doesn't really touch any of them.

It's just a waste of money to show that he can do it.

And I liked it. Yeah.

Thank you.

I'm saying that I appreciated that.

And I... or five appetizers on the menu.
And he doesn't really touch any of them. They just, it's just a waste of money to show that he can do it.

And I liked it.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I'm saying that I appreciated that

and I ripped that page out of your playbook.

So you still kind of do it?

I still kind of do it.

So if you're out with a friend, right?

You're like, let's say,

what's a nice restaurant in LA?

Boa.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, you want to try a bunch of different things.

You don't want to just come

and you get the...

Bone marrow.

You look like a guy bone marrow. You eat the bone marrow? I have eaten bone marrow.
I'm not like super... No, no.
Adam, you're a bone marrow guy. You're a fucking bone marrow guy.
Your friend says it. You're a bone marrow.
Yeah, okay. I forget where you came from.
Back in Nebraska, you were eating bone marrow. Yeah, that's probably true.
When they have two types of caviar, do you do the expensive one and the cheaper one? I would probably try both if they have both.

I love your attitude. We're doing Oak and Stone.
This is me texting the group on the road. And Carlos' response is Caesar salad, please.
All Carlos got was a Caesar salad. Bobby got garlicky chicken parm chicken wings, Philly cheesesteak egg rolls, the pretzels, barbecue bacon cheeseburger.
Dude, what a swing. The egg rolls into pretzels.
I don't know if I've ever seen anyone

After an egg roll decide they need a full-on he's a carb god this guy's carb god he does not he's never needed to avoid that bomb yeah baby what do you mean you're a carb god you consume i gave up man he ate a whole loaf of bread at one of the restaurants we went to they they give you the bread they just kept cutting it up and he just kept taking it and they would fill it back in and he took it and he ate the whole loaf it was fucking charles buchasca they're laughing at me drug fiend dr drug drug fiend i know you dr drug fiend yeah i know what you did on the road man you were there with me i know it was crazy though anyway but you weren't doing any drugs you didn't do any drugs that's right you were a good boy. What else did you learn from me? That was it.
Then I saw your act. I'm like, I'm not going to take anything.
But I gave you that. That's good.
Adam, how often are you dipping back into stand-up? Dude, I haven't been in so long. What are we talking? How was the last time? My last was my special in 2018.
Wow. So I did in 2018.
I was going to take 19 off because I had a lot of acting work. And I was like, I don't want to have to like dip out on weekends.
I just want to chill. And then I was like, the goal is to get back in 2020.
And then the pandemic hit. And then.
Since then, nothing. Do you think you'll go back or no? I think yeah I'm getting the itch now why though because it's fun like I look at you guys and I'm like jealous of you on the road it seems like we are having the most fun yeah it's the most fun I've had in years we have a real blast okay yeah and there's no there's nothing in that water no we're having a really good blast yeah but I'm just saying we're having a really good blast.
Yeah, but I'm just saying- We're having a real good blast. We're a good blast.
But what I'm saying though is that, I look at you and I go, wow, Adam is really, you didn't move with Dinero, all this stuff, right? It's like, if I was in that position, I probably wouldn't do stand up until- Yeah, but you never will be in that position. That's what I'm saying.
You got to keep doing it. I think you could.
No, dude, he's never going to be there too. No, Adam, he's never gonna be there dude no adam he's never gonna get there it burns so bad you know you we started wrong today yeah fuck you dude fuck you dude he's never gonna get there yeah okay well i probably won't you know what though i'm gonna try this is this is great too and i i think i am gonna get back to uh to it at some point but you should right now is when i should i'm just being fucking lazy like there there's a strike happening i can't actually yeah there's nothing really going on so is that why the buddy your buddy flew in he flew in yeah we're doing a i'm i'm ripping a page out of both your playbooks and we're doing a live podcast are you really really? Yeah, at the Irvine Improv.
Me and the work office. When, when, when, when? This is important.
Our podcast. Literally on Wednesday.
You know what? We're doing two huge shows in Riverside Friday. You should do a guest spot.
That'd be fun. Do you want to come do that? I mean, you're more than welcome.
I'm gone. I'm doing a thing for NASCAR.
What do you like better? That's why I got this hat made. And also I knew you guys wouldn't bring up the movie.
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What's the NASCAR thing? So it's a NASCAR race outside San Francisco in fucking wine country. I didn't even know they have NASCAR up there.
Oh, yeah, baby. And, yeah, I'm going gonna say i'm gonna like drive the pace car and then i'm gonna say drivers start your engine you're gonna drive the pace car yeah wow yeah i think i'm gonna be in the pace car i don't think what's the what is the pace car now do you know do they tell you no i wonder what they are now because you used to have you used to have a camaro didn't you i still do they i think i haven't bought a new car no i think they usually do pace cars are camaros i think it's your it's your car look up the new pace car for the net for nascar i think it is because i remember the oh it's a mustang gt the all-new 2024 mustang gt is to make it's nascar yeah i got i got the like season one of workaholics i bought a brand new uh you know camaro super sport and then i'm like i'm gonna be a car guy.
Once I start making money, I'm going to get a new car every year. And then never did.
Then just kept that car. That's great, though.
Yeah, it's great. It's a waste of fucking money.
Well, I like it. Out of the whole Workaholics Crew, guys, I'm friends with all you guys, you're the only one I like.
Thanks. I knew that to be true.
You're the one that's really got his values and morals lined up. Those other guys were scum, dude.
Yeah bunch of dirtbags. Yeah.
I'm saying it. No problem.
Do you know any of those other guys? Yeah. One of them is on my podcast.
Which one? The long haired one. All right.
Good friend of yours. Yeah.
Yeah. Good buddy.
It's so great. Good friend.
Yeah. Just give me the first initial of his first name.
Okay. How about this? Be real though.
Be. Oh, Blake.
Blake Anderson. There we go.
Wow. See? I love him.
Yeah. What's the other guy? What's the other guy's name? I don't know because he's never done my podcast.
Yeah, you only know men that do your podcast? Oh, no, I know. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Oh, too much? Yeah, slow down. Way too much.
Say it again. Give me another shot at it.
What's the other guy's other guy's name I only know It feels better It's like NPR now You're absolutely right Do it again do it again So you know Adam You know Blake And then do you know Blake Anderson And you know the third guy there It starts with a Can I say it Yeah you could say it A Starts with an A Literally don't know Last name Holm Aaron Holmes Aaron Holmes God bless Holmes. Aaron Holmes.
Yeah. Bring up a photo of Aaron Holmes.
The way he looks around like it's the spelling bee. He's like, Aaron Holmes? Aaron Holmes? Yeah.
Waiting for someone to say. There he is.
That's the third guy from Workaholics. There he is.
Aaron Holmes. Oh, that's cool.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
He went to prison? Trouble? Yeah. Oh, two years for traffic fatality.
But anyway, the third guy from Workaholics has never done my podcast. I've never been able to meet him.
He's a lovely, lovely man. But if I met him, I would be welcoming.
We just were at his birthday party. Yeah, we just went to his birthday party.
No, it wasn't invited. That's why I was not invited.
You actually were invited. He told me.
He said, I invited Bobby, but he must have changed his number. Whose birthday present was it whose birthday present aaron holmes yeah i don't know aaron holmes that's what i'm saying but he doesn't have my number well you do know a present was it it was a birthday party have you never seen workaholics well i thought eric griffin was in it and he was played what let me guess smiley smiley is his the show.
Eric Griffin, no, no, there's a word that everyone yells out. Montez.
Montez, it's close. Did you ever do an episode of Workaholics? No.
Neither did I. One, two, three.
It is weird, I will say that. Interesting.
Well, who else has done it? If you would have said... Who's done it? Everybody.
You've done it? He's done it. His buddy from Nebraska.
Yeah, who else? Who's done it? If you would have said... Interesting.
Interesting. Who's done it?

That guest star.

Everybody.

You've done it?

He's done it.

His buddy from Nebraska.

Yeah, yeah.

Segura played... Tom Segura?

We're better actors than that guy?

Yeah, I don't...

You let that guy on the fucking show?

Good.

You're saying Tom Segura's better than him and I at comedy acting?

Comedy acting.

Well, he plays it so damn real, I feel like we might be going for the joke so far.

Adam, are you telling me that Tom Segura is a better comedy actor than bobby lee and me i'm are you really saying this holy shit look at could i could i may i did you did grab bobby in there i love you i tell you i've done stuff you know i've done things? On his IMDB upcoming page, on his to come, it's, look at that, six projects, this guy. Holy moly.
Death and Ramen, The Throwback, Drugstore June, Dugout, Sweet Dreams, Borderlands. I mean, dude, this guy, I have nothing in development.
Nothing, zero. A lot.
That's a lot of stuff, dude. Hey, Tom Segura doesn't have it.
That's right. Hey, I know.
Hit him with it, Bob. Let him know.
No, it's all right. I love Tom.
He's a great guy. Now, fuck Tom Segura.
I get it though. right hey i know hit him with it pop let him know no it's all right i love tom he's a great guy now fuck tom segura i get it though i get you know there's a lot of shows yeah i mean that you know that my friends are on yeah they wouldn't necessarily call me and use me no no it is it honestly it does hurt though it hurts a lot we did 87 episodes of that show they're uh i'm offended on your behalf not on the show.
You should have been. Well, I look at it the same way as I look at Sonny.
Because I'm friends with those guys. Yeah.
And straight up, they were like, you'll never be on the show. And I was like, why? And he goes, because we want the jokes.
Sure. He's like, I don't want to fucking bring in another guy to do jokes.
I was like, that makes perfect sense. 15 fucking times well hey i put you in game over man so that's a movie yeah but you but you made me do it with adam ray i couldn't do it solo yeah you were like i'll have you but you gotta be in with adam and i was like well can i do it you used adam ray and not me in one of your projects dude he was playing a cop a cop.
You think you could pull off a cop?

Let me say something. Put your hands up!

It was never going to work.

Get underground!

Stop running!

Let me say something, okay?

The guy, George Floyd, he died, right?

Oh my god, what are we doing?

No, rest in peace.

Why are you bringing up George Floyd?

Because his partner, the cops... Michael Chivalis, what's his name? Look at, he's a cop What are we even looking at? These are the cops with the George Floyd murder And look at the far right And so you're hoping if they do a biopic? No, I'm just saying You're saying that there are no Asian cops I didn't say that I'm not saying there's no Asian cops.
I'm saying you specifically who you are as a person. You're saying my body type.
No, you be real. I want to talk to you.
I am. I'm talking to you right now.
You can lay it on the table. You say my doughy body.
It's not believable as a cop. That's right.
Get the fuck out of here. The type of cops

that we were going for,

you know,

we wanted to say

Burley.

A traditional cop.

Just guys who,

but I'm just saying,

mind you,

okay,

that there are people

that look like me.

Uh-huh.

Hence.

Sure.

I think there's

a height requirement.

Let me say something

about this guy.

All right.

I saw all the videos.

George Floyd.

I love you.

First in peace. Okay.
And this fucking guy, right? I could have done what he did. Time out.
If this was a biopic, if they remade this, really, what comics would play these people? Oh, that's a good idea. So I think the first one would be Kyle Dunne again.
No, I don't know. Andy Hayes.
Andy Hayes? All right. Who's the second guy? Oh, it's got to be.
Is he black? He is. Yeah.
But we have to go full black on it. No.
As a cast. Jamar Neighbors.
I think we should go full black. Jamar Neighbors.
Jamar Neighbors. And the third guy is obviously Anthony Jeselnik.
Yeah, Jeselnik. Yeah.
And then fourth, if you say fucking. I'll play him.
You're going to play the Asian guy? Yeah, I'll play him. You know what's so funny? if they had a casting and you probably would fucking campaign for it and you'd get it and you'd fucking piss me off man I don't think I don't think I could get away with that if it were like 15 years ago I'd get that who would play that Shang Wang could play him actually no watch this no look look look we'll call you little hammy we'll call you Not real? Little not real Too much Can we put That's good No, Jesus Christ Thank you Can the name of your special be Little Hammy? Little Hammy Yeah, yeah, yeah Because you are like a little piece of ham And you do like little Hammy stuff What happened to Tiny? Tiny Little Hammy Yeah, yeah, yeah Tiny Hammy Yeah, Tiny Fucking bastard, dude.
That's what we were on the podcast that I do with the guys. This is important.
We were talking about, like, types of food that we would be. And, like, Durs is trail mix because he's, like, you know, you don't really.
He is trail mix. Yeah, it's, like, you don't really.
He's not that useful. But, like, everyone.
You want a handful of it. Sometimes.
Once in a while, it's okay. Blake is like guacamole because he's like too Californian.

We're like, you get it.

Yeah.

Anywhere else.

They're like, yeah, it's fine.

What are you?

Ham.

You're ham.

Yeah.

I was just like, and they all screamed it at once.

You're ham.

Oh, wow.

You are ham.

You little piece of shit.

All right.

Do us.

What's Bobby and what am I?

What food is Bobby if Bobby was a food?

And let me say something. Okay.
Let me say something to you. I'm going to give you the go ahead.
Yeah. Right? Because let's get real.
Yeah. I wouldn't be meatloaf.
No. Right? I wouldn't be matzo ball.
No. I wouldn't think so.
I wouldn't be a burrito. Mm-'t I wouldn't be A burrito Right So let's Go I'll tell you what it got Like I mean Like a big old Like a big thick Juicy little nugget Of an egg roll That's right Yeah Vegetarian or beef No it's porky It's porky So a porky Fucking egg roll Porky egg yeah yeah lots of sauce yeah yeah yeah okay good hammy thank you for i think you know what i think you are to me yeah you're you're a prime rib you know why why because because prime rib is very good everybody likes prime rib yeah but it's fatty and it's not good for you in the long run so for short periods of time prime rib it rib, it's great.
And everybody likes it. And the sauce is good.
The jus. Dude, this is.
You're fatty, fatty. It literally exactly what Durs explained what I was.
Yeah. When it was Hammy.
It's like everybody likes ham, but you don't want that much ham. And you shouldn't have too much of it.
You shouldn't have too much of it. It's going to haunt you at night.
What about you? I feel like you are. Dried something.
Yeah. Toast.
something yeah uh toast yeah maybe toast yeah something dry i'm an english muffin stale cracker yeah just like an old stale cracker yeah i'm you know what i am ritz it's fine the cracker rich it's fine but it's you know you don't need it but it's fine well i feel like a saltine cracker and this is maybe a little too on the nose but i think like i did hate girlfriend uh i feel like you'd be like uh like a real thick thick piece of deep dish oh yeah where you know it's like it's good and everyone likes it and it's like it's good but like it's same same with the hand you don't want too much you know what i really am'm beer cheese. I'm the color of beer cheese.
Same thing. Beer cheese is good.
You shouldn't have it. No.
You shouldn't have too much of it. Why do you have Asian eyes? I've always wanted to ask you that.
You saw the photo. Yeah.
Yeah. He's my father.
No. Have people said that you have Asian eyes? Yeah.
Oh, yeah. eyes yeah oh yeah oh yeah are you are you mixed with some i'd wait i would have to talk to my mother but no yeah yeah you

should see his parents are the whitest people you've ever really like there's no asian because

literally if you put a ninja mask on him you'd be like oh there's a japanese dude that's an

cover your mouth and let's see that's fucking oh my god yeah is that crazy yeah you look a little

asian like that like you cover your mouth and look what it looks like it's almost the same thing

Thank you. Cover your mouth and let's see.
Fuck it. Oh my God.
Yeah. Is that crazy? Yeah.
You look a little Asian like that. Like you cover your mouth and look what it looks like.
It's almost the same thing. I might look Russian.
You go ahead. Some people think I look Russian.
Hold on. No, still.
Yeah. Still, still Korean.
Yeah. Still pretty Korean.
Yeah. You know what gives it away? No, still, you know what gives it away? The little tuft of chin hair that you've got.
Oh really?? Even widening the eye. Still didn't.
I want to get surgery where I'm like- Eye widener? No. Yeah, I'm going to try.
Shut up. Well, you got to do it live.
My mom did it. Really? You know my mom did it? I can tell.
You can't? How do you can tell? Because she looks awake. She looks awake.
Yeah, yeah. She looks awake.
Yeah, she's always like, hello? She pulled the greatest thing. You know, there was a clip from the show that went viral of me saying, I'm Bobby Mom and crossing my eyes.
Uh-huh. And we did it in Phoenix where she lived.
Now, are you proud of that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, all right.
Oh, yeah. One of my best moments on the show.
I'm Bobby Mom. Like, it's one of my favorite.
Yeah. People yell it out at me in the street.
It's crazy. They make shirts.
They make shirts. Yeah, yeah.
But I said it on the show because people will yell at us at the live show. And I said, okay, I'm Bobby Mom.
And I did it. And then all you hear from off stage is, no, I'm a Bobby the Mom.
Yeah. She came out, dude.
And they went fucking nuts. Standing ovation.
She got standing ovation. And she went out there for like two seconds and realized she didn't like it anymore.
And then just off before she was cocky she said i can handle any crowd i don't care you know she didn't know it was like 4 000 people i thought it was gonna be like 300 people right and as soon as she walked out all the fucking blood from her face left and she was shell-shocked she wasn't shocked you could tell she was like i did not sign up for this this is the dumb i immediately was like, okay, okay. And ran off the stage.
And then she disappeared. Yeah, we were all like, where's Bobby's mom? We want to say hi.
She literally left. Has she ever done anything like on stage? She was on Matt TV.
She did about four sketches. Oh, awesome.
She did the bit, you know, the bit, uh-oh, hot dog. That was her.
Fuck you, dude. You piece of shit.
No, she did four sketches. My dad did a couple of sketches.
used to get residual checks shut up yeah it was crazy how much money Bobby I make nine cents I can put in the bank dad they wouldn't make a lot but they couldn't believe that they kept sending the money what's the lowest what's the residual check that just won't go away for you that you'll get do you ever know like what's the thing you did 20 years ago that's still i still get paid off of uh samantha who which was like the very first thing i ever did look up adam divine samantha who i need to see that what was that a tv show it's christina applegate and i'm like i don't even know where the fuck it is anymore whoa third look at that cutie patootie well that's not that's just from but yeah it was it it was with me and Christina Applegate and I play her like assistant on the show and I did like three episodes and. How was Christina Applegate? Cool.
Oh, so cool. Yeah.
Really, really cool. I still get like a dollar a year from Harold and Kumar.
Is that right? Yeah. Yeah.
It's big money. Do you ever get like, like low end money? Like 50 cents i still get like 30 it'll it'll be like 30 checks from from punked from mtv reselling punked oh dude i remember when you got that i was like jealousy like low-key i was like well let me say a story then i'll tell you you want to talk not jealous but i was like proud of something that happened to you because we were friends.
I remember so vividly, and I have a bad memory. You came into the improv.
I was at the bar. This is back when the improv was the shit.
Yeah. The old lounge, everyone was kicking it.
I love that. And you know what? In the corner, it was like Apatow and Sandler.
People were like hanging out. I was like, it was such a crazy night.
And Adam came in with Blake, long curly hair boy that you like. I like him.
And he said to me, this is my boy, Blake Anderson. He introduced me to him.
And I said, hey, he's like Santino's a buddy comic. And I said, you do stand up? And you go, before you could say anything, you go, no, but he's a phenomenal comedian and writer, comic.
We're making a show together. And I was like, oh, cool.
That's awesome. And I was like, what show? And you're like, we're doing this show for Comedy Central blah blah blah and you kind of were wouldn't shut up about well no no but you were kind of vague about it like don't you know like it's always there's always a moment when you're like i don't know man it's this thing we're doing a fucking yeah whatever it's we don't know if it's going to be real or not right you're like it's my friend it's cool it's my buddy but and i was like good to meet you man he's like yeah i hope to see you around hope to see you around.
I was like, yeah, me too. And then I did a spot.
I left one of those. You did a spot, left.
And then it was like, I mean, it's like out of a movie that I remember sitting at home, seeing the previews for everything. And I was like, holy fucking shit.
That all came true. I was so stoked.
I mean, I remember, I think I texted you back then. Like, yeah, it was the guy that was your boy the thing, and it worked.
It was cool to see when Workaholics came out, who my actual friends were in comedy, and those that secretly hoped I'd die. Which is everything in Hollywood.
You really see when you get something, the real people that are like, People were genuinely like, oh man, I'm so happy for you. And then people were like, pretty cool.
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You have all the information you need to book the best activities for your trip download the viator app now and use code viator 10 for 10 off your first booking one app over 300 000 experiences you'll remember do more with viator i'm happy for you but what you've gotten better with texting you really are you're learning to respond better you're learning to uh not just fucking thumbs up a thing. You actually will say something back.
So I'm proud of you. I really am.
I called you today. Sometimes you answer the phone in a panic, which I don't like.
You go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Because every time people call me, I feel like something happened.
But it's not. It's a devastating call.
I feel like you guys work together. I feel like you should probably expect some phone calls.
Like if I called you out of the blue. Right.
Someone died. And I need the last night.
I know. Right, right, right.
Blake. Let me tell you something.
And I have to be the one to call you. That guy that was on your podcast once that you couldn't hardly remember his name.
Died. We gave you clues.
He was a good guy. Anyways.
Yeah, yeah. I have a list.
I'm on the bees if anybody you know you and i know dies i promise i'll text you i won't call really yeah like i'll go carlos died i'll text you no no don't text me that well when we have a code i'll go carlos gone or i'll do carlos with the crossbone the no no no no what i know let's be real let's be real for a second okay if if and when if in devil with the frowny face no the smiley one for him yeah you're like his horny what let's come up with a word where i know i have to call you because it's something there's a death because you're serious yeah so like something like you know pineapple or something so that none of that's that's that's like swing yeah that's swingers we talked oh that's a oh that okay um eggplant no that's for that's that's penis that's penis okay um maybe some sort of how about how about a thumbs down emoji no that could be anything yeah what about just three x's yeah x triple x triple all right so three i don't think i want to watch the movie triple x yeah so three x's then i'll know someone died I'll call. Because I don't want death relayed in a fucking text.
How about like this? We'll use like beeper code. Remember beeper code? You know what I mean? Like 911 means you need to call me immediately.
Yeah. Okay, what is 911? 411 means I've got something to tell you.
But 911 is death? 911 will say is death. Okay, so now I feel this just needs to be a phone call.
Right? I know. No, because he'll never fucking answer the phone That's why if he texts me Then I'll call him Even if he calls you multiple Because no one answers right away Hardly Yeah My friend I could call him six times in a row It wouldn't fucking matter But I see all your calls I'm playing I'm playing Elden Ring And I'm going I'm in the middle of this Like we.
Like we were supposed to leave. We were leaving Orlando and I was like, you know, where's the guy? And then I go down to the front desk.
I call. He doesn't answer.
Oh, you pissed me off so bad. I walk upstairs.
I knock on the door. He goes, I know.
I know. Already fucking a half hour late.
But you know what you said that pissed me off that morning though? What did I say that fucking made you mad when you were a half hour later sitting in the car waiting for you You know it's funny when you Your little drug hyena laugh Your little frenzied Your little frenzied laugh right You have another thing coming Okay go ahead Nothing I have nothing Have you guys ever fought Him and I We've had some on tour Oh shit, okay We hit a big hiccup on the road We hit a hiccup on the road, but no fight But it could come to it I love him That's not like a real fight It's playful So then you kiss and make up Do it Come here and give him a kiss and make up Give him a kiss Dude, just kiss your friend Dude, your guest wants a kiss you're not gonna kiss for your guest i feel like that's your homie for kiss your home dog for for for for good measure yeah see thank you was that that hard that was nice yeah it was nice beautiful that was a beautiful moment dude his face your friend he's so grossed out he literally was like i gotta get back I gotta get out of LA. I'll tell you why you're pushing this.

Everyone in Hollywood is gay.

He just unzips his pants.

What you said to me that morning.

What did I say?

See, your attitude now, I don't like it.

Well, get it out.

You said, this happens all the time.

It does.

It doesn't.

Carlos.

It doesn't.

Multiple times, you're fucking late.

That was the second time during the tour that I got up late. Second time.
Same thing happened in New York. You were late when we were going to the fucking meeting or the pod.
You were late for that. No.
Five months ago you're bringing that up? It stays. It all stays.
Out of the millions of fucking mornings, two incidences. Three.
Alright, and then you put it in the text? Don't do it. I'm gonna fucking do it more now.
Don't tell me what to do, more now don't tell me what to do kid don't tell me what to do i'm older than you don't call me kid not but not in social standards you're not so i haven't in chronological age you're older but not in social standards socially you're way fucking younger than me you're a child compared to me so i haven't seen this podcast uh all that much this is the premise right you guys are bad friends is that the uh no it's just like I you know you just you know it makes me mad yeah you make me fucking mad about what I'm so good no you're not I'm the best no you're not I like you I know bother me listen just don't do tone when you in the morning just on the other morning, you knocked on my door and you're just waiting there in

the hallway.

Yeah, you're late.

You're a half hour late.

Because that night.

Why are you late?

The night before he should be leaving at 2 p.m.

No, no, no.

What a reasonable hour to leave.

It is Bobby like as the sober one.

Thank you.

You should be a little on time.

Yeah, fuck you.

That's saying no.

No, no, no, no.

You know what?

My friend, there's not a whole lot of other excuses. I'm proud of you.
Yes, Adam adam that's what but right now you're crossing a fucking liner okay no you're not with your china eyes okay okay back up china eyes okay so what i'm gonna say to you right now is zip your lip okay hey don't say zip don't say zip all right all right zipper head your lip don't say zip all right crows your rip grows your rip yeah so you that night at the bar you go you know we don't take off into 4 30 so we can leave at 2 30 you said no i said when you were drunk why were we all in the car too then and i wasn't say that he did say that i remember that i really yeah because you're drunk you're drunk frenzy i wasn't drunk i was it was i drunk that night i wasn't not only i woke up i had a beer i had a beer i'm not drunk at a beer. I woke up.
I went to the fucking gym. I went swimming.
I went for a long walk. And then still jerked off, took a shit, did some fucking work, took a shower, got ready, packed up the fucking car.
And then at 2 p.m., you weren't there. Because I got up at 2 because I thought 2.30.
Fuck off. Let's move on.
Adam. Yeah.
Adam, thanks for coming on the show. Out show Outlaws huh Outlaws is out right now Outlaws is good huh let me say this recanting all the fun that we've just had July 7th me and this guy couldn't be closer now it sounds like it yeah but because I love you so much and we've been having fun a lot of fun and all the shit aside, July 7th Outlaws is going to be out.
And if you don't go watch it, you know what's going to happen. Adam, tell them.
Dude, we won't be friends anymore. Wait, you and I won't be friends if people don't go see this? Yeah.
That's a dark twist. This is the only one you're using as a promo? Yeah, I feel like, I don't know if you should use just this one.
This is it. Time to coming on theaters no i mean just watch the goddamn trailer yeah dude where's the streaming where it's netflix great it's not streaming dude you just have to buy it there's got there's guys in in washington square park selling it yeah reel to reel you got to buy a reel to reel uh no it's on that i don't want to confuse people it's on netflix yeah yeah my favorite corporate overlord god bless and uh not paramount plus it's netflix it's netflix baby favorite go on netflix and you got to watch it not netflix it'll be uh watch the trailer yeah i think you guys would like to i've seen it i already saw when you sent when you sent me the link uh or i mean you sent me the flyer i watched the trailer already the trailer was being pushed around the internet a lot.
I saw it multiple times come up on my page. It was a success.
And I got to tell you, man, he is so fucking hot. Yeah, Pierce.
Pierce is so hot. It's like annoying.
And he's also so cool. And we were like, yeah, we think your Irish accent is cool.
Just do that. And it's the best.
How old is he? How old is Pierce Brosnan? He's brother he's like 65 something like that you know how fucking hot he is still it's like a little annoying to be honest with you yeah and 70 yeah he's 70 look at great he uh he doesn't work out i'm like how do you and he's like i don't i just don't work out i'm like well do you like surf or something like how do you stay so lean and he's like i just i don't know i just am so here's my problem with this because you're proving a point that i had a couple days ago in my mind you know have we been visited by aliens yeah did they stay i think so yeah and who are they pierce prostitutti yeah i so i've worked with a lot of aliens i tend to work with like really really hot boys you like aliens i love zach efron f is i let me tell you something i just worked with him he's an alien yeah without a doubt 100 uh he used to go in the bay before we'd leave he'd go down into the basement of the house and i would just hear humming and like little tinging noises and then he'd come out and he'd go all done and then he'd leave and i wouldn't ask what it is but yeah look look now look me holy shit wow pierce pierce pierce hello oh bobby oh my god you almost had me fooled thank you can you do a good british accent or is it offensive i'm pierce bronson yeah pierce bronson hello hello no no no this is pierce Bronson what's his name your Pierce Bronson's name Pierce Bronson. Yeah, Pierce Bronson.
Hello. That's not his name, though.
Hello. No, no.
No, this is Pierce Bronson. What's his name? You're Pierce Bronson.
What's his name? Pierce Bronson is you. What's his name? Pierce Brosnan.
Brosnan. Brosnan.
Yeah, exactly. Same thing.
Hello, I'm Pierce Bronson. That's right.
Thank you. Pierce, where are you from? 007.
You're from 007. Well, that's what I played.
Sure. Bond.
James Bond. Whoaames bond whoa hello so pierce can i ask you a couple of cheerio you like cheerios no just what's your favorite uh dry cereal cheerio oh man easy opportunity to say checks or anything else really missing a comedy loop there no no because i went i went you know i yes and it that's yeah i just yes and you know yeah yeah directly i went direct you did anyway a lot of comedy is a b you just went a b right to c i know so anyway you know similar in many ways i gotta say the more i think about it the more i do think you share a lot do this you do this see what it looks good yeah it doesn't look good yeah i think it looks like you have a headache i do have a headache right now let me oh my god oh my god that's fucking oh my god that's the shit dude you look like you're so good at that you look like you know you're like hold that pose you know you look like a guy at the beach who forgot his sunglasses who has a like an ocular migraine who's pretending like it's not bothering him so much but you're like fuck it i'm not gonna i'm look miserable because your wife was like just bring your shades like i don't need my shades it's over cat and you're doing this all you look like one of those uh engineers at chernobyl you fucked up yeah and you And you're just like, we're going to die.
But like hot though. What? But like hot though.
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Yeah, of course. What do you mean? A hot engineer? Yeah.
Yeah. Fuck yeah.
All right. They're not all ugly.
Yeah. Thanks, Bob.
Yeah. Right.
There's got a cutie. There could be a cutie in there.
I don't know. I don't know what they look like.
You got it, man. What do you mean? Yeah.
There could be engineers at the fucking thing. Hottest.
They fucked up.a engineer hottest nasa engineer let's see if oh you know there's uh some because there's there's a lot through the years so there's some hotties for sure okay oh the hottest lady astronauts go back go back go back what are you doing hold on the hottest lady astronaut it was too sexy it broke the internet all right judith resnick would you uh I what? Go to space with her? Yeah. That's Trevor.
Trevor Wallace's mom? No, Trevor Resnick. Is that the Nine Inch Nails guy? Trent Resnick.
Oh, man. Trevor Resnick.
Trevor Resnick. Trevor Resnick.
Yeah. Oh, Tracy Caldwell-Dyson.
That's Mike Dyson's wife. Yeah.
The guy who meant the vacuum. Invented the vacuum.
Whoa, I didn't know that. They're a very smart family.
All right, let's see. Go to the- Oh, here we go.
Here we go. Search the NASA girl who wore a diaper that killed her husband.
Her boyfriend or her husband, right? It was her boyfriend. I think maybe boyfriend.
Lisa Marie Nowak. Yeah.
Okay. Tell me about this.
I don't know anything about it. Tell me about the story.
This girl, she killed another astronaut that she was in love with i think there was an affair yeah there's a affair right yeah she traveled across the country wore a diaper so she didn't have to stop for fear poop breaks to go murder this is her astronaut brain she's smart enough to know like i need to get there in x amount of time if i stop to use the restroom five or six times right i won't make it so i'm gonna strap this diaper on shit and piss myself the entire way there wow and then murdered him uh i would take the diaper she drove 950 miles in a diaper holy moly and i'm gonna say something right now uh mccone the next time we're driving far you weren't a fucking diaper we had to pull over for this loser within 50 you know it's like we got to keep pulling over for this guy this is why i wanted to talk i wanted to bring uh your guys's road road road road story i don't know where else you're going with this yeah are you doing a space movie next is that why you threw this up are you in that tom cruise where he's living tom cruise is living in space right now you do know that right do you guys know. He's in space as we speak, filming a movie in space.
First civilian, look, there it says. He's there now.
Apparently, he's there now shooting stuff right now. Wow.
Wow, dude. Incredible.
I think that's, this guy is genuinely the greatest movie star we've ever had. He really is.
We've ever had. Did you see the scenes for Mission Impossible on the motorcycle? Yeah that one he did it nine times six times nine 15 just give me nine 12 he did it 76 times but that one to me I'm like I would do that one everyone was like oh man that one I'm like Adam no you wouldn't I would The only reason why I would.
I don't know if you saw my Quibi series

Bad Ideas with Adam Devine. Yeah,

I would. Okay.
I did see it.

I did see it. Okay.
Yeah. I've never even

I've never done a motorcycle.

I have. And so I would be

I would not make the launch. You would

hit the ramp. You'd fall before the ramp.
Dude, I had a motorcycle.

I bought a motorcycle when I was trying

to be a Hollywood bad boy for a while. Like

eight years ago, something like that. Where is it now?

I sold it. Yeah.

Because I live up in the hills and i was coming down my hill and there's like a hairpin turn and i crashed this bike all the fucking time and i of course i ate it again coming down this hill because i'd get nervous trying to take the and i just ate shit dropped the bike and was so embarrassed uh you know, that I just dropped the bike. And there was this construction.
They were doing construction on this house. And I was so embarrassed that I dropped the bike in front of these guys that I just looked.
I ripped my helmet off. I looked into this bush and go, fucking squirrels.
Did you really? Yeah. As if it were the squirrels fault

like I was like and then it's like looking

into the bush as if this squirrel made me

drop my motorcycle wow imagine if one of the

construction workers came over he's like I know about

that fucking squirrel that piece of shit

he's done that every day to me

this is his mother he just holds up

a dead squirrel

I think you were going to say you threw the keys at one of the

construction workers keep it

I wish I did something that cool

but I was like so ashamed that I picked up

the squirrel i think you're gonna say you threw the keys at one of the construction workers keep it keep the fucking bike i wish i did something that cool i know but i was like so ashamed that i picked up the bike like it was like 800 pounds they're heavy as fuck yeah i'm on the side of a hill i lifted it no problem just with like the embarrassment adrenaline embarrassment rage so let me say based on the story you just told you cannot jump off a jump with a parachute yeah why there's't I? Because you're- You dropped it on a turn in the hill. Dude, you're going to drop it as soon as you go off the fucking lip of the thing.
I know, but you wouldn't make it. I think it would- You'd hit something before that.
I'd hear off the side. Imagine the chute just doesn't open.
Do you know how to do the chute? Dude, you've never- How do you know it's there? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Do it again? Do it again? That's literally's literally perfect that that's how you're here and you have to do that first of all both of you guys are wrong it's right here yeah yeah it's down here well dude i can't get around this fucking well that's gonna be a problem when you're out there too yeah you think that's just now that's what happens on the have you ever skydive adam yes you have yeah oh have you no see so who are we going gonna believe can do this no i didn't say i could i said you can't okay yeah yeah he can't you can't i think we're we're sipping a little haterade right now because i did some crazy shit okay i hosted shark week multiple times has he hosted shark week tom cruise no he hasn't you know now that i think about it he has not yeah so i can do all know what? By the way, this is our little shark week.
We did actually bring you in here to pitch you something. Yeah.
Bobby, have a little invention. Okay.
Yeah. Are you willing to hear the pitch? Am I going to invest in this? Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
Dinkit, digit, digit, ding. What are we singing? Hello, Adam.
Okay. My partner, Bobby Lee and I, I'm Andrew Santino.
It's not Adam. It's Hello Shark.
Hello Shark. Yep.
We're here presenting a product that we want.

Hello, hello, cheerio.

This is my partner, Pierce Bronson.

Sorry, this is my partner, Pierce Bronson.

Yeah.

We're here looking for $8 million for a half a percent in our company.

In our company.

And our company's called?

Cheerio.

Cheerio.

I think there is a company called Cheerio. Shark, do you like cereal? But it's spelled with four E's.
Cheerio. We've invested four times the normal amount of vitamin E inside of the cereal.
And E. Yes, Pierce.
All of the vitamins. This is a vitamin heavy cereal called cheerio are you interested uh i think i'm gonna pass this off to mark cuban yeah i think cuban's cuban or uh i mean spanish whatever spanish or mexican yeah yeah i think your valuation is a little...
Yeah.

Oh, really?

Last year we made $6,700.

I think we're on track this year to make tens of millions.

My favorite is when they just guess what they might be making.

Oh, yeah.

When they're like...

We're on track to make $40 million.

The way we want it to.

It's going to be a $120 million company next year.

And you're like, yeah, if everything goes the way you want it to, sure. to be a 120 million dollar company next year and you're like yeah if everything goes the way you want it to sure then my company is going to be google then i'm going to be a billionaire i never bought it that always bothered me i knew a girl that did that by the way that did that show in fact her brother is the guy that created rick and morty justin roiler and then oh yeah she made like a clothing company and went clothing company and went on there and I didn't want anybody to buy it.
Not out of spite, but out of like, you can't have two super successful siblings. Yeah.
It's got to be one. Well, that's like David Spade and then Kate Spade.
Aren't they related in some... Well, she married his brother.
Yeah. She married him.
God's applaud. Also rest in peace.
Okay. Oh, did she die? Kate.
Kate died. Kate Spade.
Kate Spade died. I didn't know that.
She committed suicide. Oh, no.
Thanks for bringing it up. My bad.
What the fuck? God damn. Can we do a moment of silence for Adam Devine not knowing about designer deaths? Yeah.
Thank you. And George Floyd too.
He was not a clothing designer, was he? I know, but we talked about it earlier. Maybe it might have been.
We talked about it earlier. Well, you got to take a moment because you're the one that did all sorts of weird George Floyd stuff.
Yeah, the Ferguson thing too. Well, no, because of that little Asian.
Well, can I just say something about that Asian cop though? I've never said this before. If you look at all the photos.
You're on his side. I knew you were going to say this.
I'm not on his side. I knew you were going to say it.
I felt it coming. Here's why I hate him, right? In every photo you see him, he does this.
Yeah, he can't believe it. Yeah.
What going on? He's murdering a guy, Asian guy. What going on? But it is true.
What is going on? Do your job. Stop that.
What if his job was what's going on, guy? At the precinct. That's when they leave the precinct.
They're like, and you're the killer. You're the bag.
You're the lookout. And you? Yeah, yeah.
You're the what's going on guy. You're what's going on guy.
Yeah, yeah. And he's like, I'll practice.
Perfect. Get out there, buddy.
Hate that guy. Yeah.
He's in prison. One of the worst guys.
But if you get offered to play him in a film, you're doing it. That looks good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get booked.
No, but I would change the line maybe. What happening? What happening? That's better we don't get sued make it my own or whatever I'll improvise yeah yeah man you're always dude you're thank you too you're a good improviser yeah you're a good improviser taking another line that's already and changing it just ever so slightly yeah yeah I'm pretty good I'll tell you what Do you ever have a moment with your wife where you're talking about, you know, like something that you're passionate about? Like a thing that you like, like, oh man, this new project, whatever.
And she just gives you something and she's just like, when do we have to turn in the thing? All the time. It's always like booking a flight for my mom to come visit or something.
Yeah. And I'm telling her, literally last night I was like, talking about the trailer for The Outlaws, July 7th, only on Netflix.
Look at the hat. I was talking about like how well the trailer's done, how many people are watching the trailer, how it's everywhere.
And Chloe's like, so I was thinking getting the 945 flight for american mom and i'm like i'm like we have to talk about me always i had a freak out moment just today though and i it's like with your wife yeah and she said sorry but i was like bummed because i had this thing that i've kind of been working on and i was like and it came to me in the shower and i was like holy shit because i i was like i wasying on this one thing i had a hiccup on this idea and i was like i just don't that's not i don't know if that's gonna work and it came to me and i get out of the shower and i was like i've got it i was like you have to hear this and she's like what's up and she's she wasn't doing anything i wasn't like interrupting her and she's like what's going on i'm like this and this and i want to call this and that and remember when i was about it and then she goes you have a booger and i was like what what she goes you have a book you have a booger i've been like i almost didn't hear anything that you just said i would have my soul fell into my asshole i was like i have a booger i just told you like i thought well wipe your nose yeah but before you do a speech i just got out of the shower well then it's supposed to wash all the boogers off no no i put i so when boogers come out i put them on the wall i put them right back in before i leave yeah yeah all right that old technique yeah that bummed you out huh it i could see that it was one of those moments where you're like when you're living with whether it's your significant other partner boyfriend girlfriend whatever like there's moments where you're like i gotta share this with you and then they're like and then did you want did you not want chicken cacciatore and you're like oh fucking fuck off i just wanted you to go uh yo cool neat or what i don't even know nothing you could just be like awesome that's i'm glad that worked but when they do that thing where they're like it's your mom do you think your mom would want to land earlier in the day and you're like well okay i guess fuck me i guess fuck me but it hit me hard today i'm sorry i wanted to when you were in the middle of that story i wanted to just talk about how dumb i look right now crossing my legs and do the thing that your wife did to you i thought you were gonna be like you have a booger yeah uh no you look good crossing your legs by the way it's it's weird how when you older, this is so comfortable. Now, do you pull your nuts up or do you let them go? Are you cocking balls between the legs or are they up? Yeah, they're up high.
You bulge up. Yeah.
You bulge up, don't you? I love it. Yeah.
When you cross your legs, you bulge up. I don't know what you're talking about, but I love it.
When you cross your legs like he's doing right now, do you pull your cock and balls up above the fold? Or do you let the nuts hang down low? I let it squeeze between the thigh. Right.
So you do know exactly. I crush it.
Like right now, are your balls, is your cock and balls up above? I never noticed. Austin, what are your cock and balls doing? See, one for me almost always goes down below.
Really? Yeah, I always have one because I have one loose nut. Let's see it.
Let's see it see it let's see so it went down below no that thing's way up high between my two thighs you have one nut between your thigh both like both the sack is in between yeah i'm gonna show you now yeah show me turn and show me just me i don't want anybody else yeah close your eyes adam right so your cock is up above but your balls are down below it's crushed between the two It's crushed. Your nuts are crushed.
Show Adam. Right.
So your cock is up above, but your balls are down below. It's crushed between the two fucking...
It's crushed. One of your nuts are crushed.
Show Adam your penis. He loves to see me.
I'd love to see your... Okay.
I'd love to see your penis. Show him.
Yeah. Well, cross your legs.
Cross your legs and show him. Show him with your legs crossed.
Yeah. I don't want to see your asshole.
No. Show him with your legs crossed like a professional.
I don't know how to show it. Cross your legs.
Cross your legs like a professional and now show him. Yeah.
No, show him your little penis. Show him your fun little penis.
Yeah. I've seen your penis, I think, a dozen times.
So, yeah. Who hasn't? Yeah, who hasn't? Fuck you.
I, uh... It is fun.
I had my penis out in the movie Game Over man on my penis it was your real dick right that one was my real dick that's so cool and uh that's fun to have your cock out there so it's out there so because i was like i don't really care uh and then i did the movie jexie and it's like this the phone the phone movie and they they're like oh we're gonna i do like take nude photos and there i was gonna it was gonna send it to everybody who's gonna come up on people's phones and i'm like do you want me to do my dick i just did it in a movie it's kind of weird if i do it again and they're like we have a cock double don't worry about it we'll just use their cock and i'm like okay a way worse cock they went and got it like a much worse ugly cock you mean ugly wrong with it? It was small and it also wasn't that good looking. It was like gray.
But that's comedy, right? Isn't that part of the comedy? It wasn't so bad that it's comedy. It was just like a little worse.
Like Ken Jeong's penis in Hangover. It was one of those moments where I was like, this is so funny, but also, it's real, so I got afterwards.
Yeah. To me, it was like, I made me like Ken Jeong even more.
I don't know. It made me sad.
He betrayed our people. Well, he just.
He betrayed our people. It just perpetuated a narrative that everyone.
It's a shame that will never wash away. Can we look up Adam Devine's cock in Game Over, man? Because I'd love to see your cock again.
There's a GIF now that is just my cock flapping back and forth. So that's cool.
People send that to me. See, that's from Jexy.
That's... That one? Yeah, that's Jexy.
The other one is... Yeah.
But it looks like they've covered it. Well, there's got to be an uncensored.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you...
Can I ask you guys a question real quick? Please. Let's say A24 is doing a movie, right? And it's like Brokeback Martin 2, right? It's me, you, and Andrew.
It's Brokeback Martin? Yeah, Steve Martin's in it. Steve Martin.
Yeah. It's me.
Martin Lawrence. All the Martins.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's my asshole.
Like, my literal asshole. Great asshole.
It's on a website called leakedmeat.com. Leakedmeat.com.
Yeah, yeah. Nice.
There it is. Leaked.com.
Shout out to leakedmeat.com. And there was a scene in this movie.
Go down a little bit. I want to let's see.
Brokeback Martin. There's your dick, dude, right there.
There's your dick right there. Yeah.
Catching some air. There it is.
Yeah, there it is. That's pretty good.
Yeah. It's not bad.
Yeah, it's not bad. It's a nice it's a nice regular cock only regular sized dick yeah yeah yeah anyway alright everyone do us a favor yeah Adam Devine is one of my oldest and dearest friends and he has a movie out that you have to watch on Netflix so please go watch that it would really mean a lot to us thank you it's called The Outlaws and we love you and if we do a little secret show in here you better you better do it you promise yep promise that was so fun to have

you on buddy love you buddy awesome guys thank you for being a bad friend thank you for being

bad friend Woo-hoo. Yeah.

Woo-hoo.