Hollywood-ish Bobby w/ Adam Devine

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Speaker 1 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 You two or something. We're bad friends.
Hey, Adam Devine is here.

Speaker 1 My boy, Adam Devine. My man.
My man. So you sent me a poster of a movie Thursday.
Yeah, but I didn't listen.

Speaker 1 I know you didn't even look at it because you're like, I'm going to walk.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It's an invite

Speaker 1 to a screening of the movie. I'm trying to get my friends and people.

Speaker 1 I thought you were sending me friends to a successful podcast.

Speaker 1 I thought he was sending me shit he's just in.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, oh, I'll watch it. You know what I mean? Who wants to watch it? We'll watch that.
And then I look at it and it was a premiere. Yeah.
I can't make it. It's fine.
All right.

Speaker 1 Do you even know when the premiere is? Thursday. What, this Thursday? This Thursday, right? It's next Thursday.
And it wasn't. I can go.
Dude, okay, come. Here's the funny.
Are you going to go?

Speaker 1 Here's the funny thing. It's not a, dude, you're going to be disappointed because it's not the main premiere.
It's not the main premiere. It's all right.
It's a screening. I've been a screen.

Speaker 1 So, can you go next Thursday? Yeah. No, no, you can't.
Why? You're on the road with me. I can't make it.
God damn. I'm so sorry, dude.
That's fine. But, dude, I want to watch it.

Speaker 1 Guy has no idea about his own schedule. Can I hype up the movie real quick? Yeah, go ahead.
And then I'll leave. Pierce Bronson's in it.
Pierce Bronson's in it. No,

Speaker 1 the trailer came out yesterday.

Speaker 1 24 million people watched it in 24 hours. And that was the

Speaker 1 highest trailer, like across all platforms.

Speaker 1 A million people an hour. I don't know if it was, they might have all watched it in the first hour.
I don't know how it was. Yeah, but let's just say an average.
Yeah, we'll say that is the average.

Speaker 1 And it's bigger than murder mystery, bigger than hustle, big over than our movie game overman. So I'm the king of the world, baby.

Speaker 1 Is it a comedy? Is it a comedy? Comedy down. I'm just

Speaker 1 excited, man. You know me, Mr.
Ego. You are, dude.

Speaker 1 But is it a comedy?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it is. Yeah.
I have to say, you. You don't let me in the other things yet.
I also have to say, you and Tony Cavallero on that show. It's just the best.
Have you seen them?

Speaker 1 The Righteous Gemstones. Yeah, but them together, though.
Yeah. It's comedy gold.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm old friends with Tony. Good dude.
Are you? Oh, old friends. Oh, yeah.
Good dude. But you guys together, oh my God.
Laugh, laughly, laugh, laugh, laugh. A big swinging dick in Hollywood.

Speaker 1 He is a Hollywood guy, isn't he? Now he is.

Speaker 1 We all are.

Speaker 1 I see this new studio. Not me, dude.
I'm not Hollywood. Last time I saw this studio, it was in like a little shitheap.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 This room was like, this room right here was three times the size of your other studio. Yeah, this is.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. So that, hey.
Adam, would you say that Andrew was more Hollywood than me?

Speaker 1 Be honest. Successful? Yeah.
Just in general. Oh.
We're not talking success.

Speaker 1 I don't want you to hurt my feelings.

Speaker 1 I don't want to hurt my feelings. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I think you say yourself open.

Speaker 1 I think I do. No, you know what? My heart's open.
That's the case. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Well, then there you go. Dude, I just saw you on a plane in a movie,

Speaker 1 a house party. Yeah.
Yeah. Sorry, bad.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Dude, they had to spend more money on that panda. Pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Do you mean, oh, the koala?

Speaker 1 Yeah, the koala. Pretty bad.

Speaker 1 Pretty bad. The movie's not good?

Speaker 1 No, man, it's not good. Well, it's not great, but it's fine for what it is.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't even say

Speaker 1 what it is. I've been in bad movies too, and I don't like to, because everyone goes into a movie saying like this is gonna be good.

Speaker 1 We're gonna make this good, and then you watch it and you're like, oh fuck, house party's bad. I've never been in a bad movie,

Speaker 1 really? Kicking middle school is good,

Speaker 1 kicking middle school's good. You mean you have to have, you have to be in the right mood to watch it.
Yeah, you know, you've never been in anything that's bad. Yeah, tell me.

Speaker 1 I think your track record's flawless. What do you mean? I think everything you've ever made has been really, really good.

Speaker 1 Everything I've seen. I feel like there's an eight.
Seems like you're setting something up. Yay! No.
An attack. I think all your stuff is good.
Go for it. Look at this IMDB.
This guy.

Speaker 1 Oh, don't be a fucking attack. Well, first of all, go back to the top real fast.
That photo from 36 years ago is hot.

Speaker 1 When I first met Bobby, that's what he looked like. Yeah.
Wore a lot of blazers.

Speaker 1 Was always fingering his asshole from the front.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the cuff in the pants, dude. Get him too long.
Don't bother him. Yeah.
Hey, I did that. Roll him up.
How do I switch that photo?

Speaker 1 i hate it no leave it i mean for years i've been trying to switch it who controls that you're age dude i don't know do they i've been wondering that too i i feel like my imdb photo is good but my wikipedia so there's some asshole out there that just keeps changing it to like i it's me on the macy's day pro

Speaker 1 you want to change that yeah yeah yeah

Speaker 1 you please do because i don't like it dude yeah they had like a i i had like a really bad photo for a while that was from comic-con where i'm I'm like

Speaker 1 dangerously hungover.

Speaker 1 There's like all the bad heads and everything. And then that was that for years.
And then they changed it to one that I actually like secretly really liked. What was it?

Speaker 1 I was at the USO tour and I was like, I had a jawline. For the troops.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's troops around, so I look like I care about stuff.

Speaker 1 You know, look up Andrew. I want to see Andrews on Wikipedia.

Speaker 1 I have a scarf. Fuck me.
Yeah, what is that?

Speaker 1 Let's see Andrews on Wikipedia. Do you know what yours is? I have no idea.
No, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's fine. That's pretty.
That's fine. So

Speaker 1 here's what's creepy.

Speaker 1 Hold on. Here's what's creepy about this.

Speaker 1 This is what I don't know. I've never done a thing to it.
Yeah. That's from Neil Brennan's podcast that I did like six months ago.
So someone must be updated. Neil.
Someone's updated. Neil did it.

Speaker 1 Neil did it. Neil fucking Brennan.
He thinks he's the fucking comedy police. That's funny.
That's funny. Because he changed yours.

Speaker 1 Yes. Uh-huh.
It all makes sense. You do mine.
Good morning. Come on.
Son of a bitch, dude. Let's see what yours is.
Yours also. Another.
Oh, that's a really good one. That's from Neil's.

Speaker 1 That's from Neil. That's not bad.
I swear to God, that's from Neil Brennan's podcast. I know it is.
So he's fucking doing it. I'm going to do his podcast in like a week or something.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, I get a good. Your picture will change.

Speaker 1 Wow. I think he does that, right? He's not even in high-res.
Why? They're using like a shitty. Well, good.
I don't want to be in high-res, man. When it comes to a photo that's just living on the.

Speaker 1 The movies can be in high-res. I understand that.
Yeah. But I'm not good statically.
Adam. If I'm moving,

Speaker 1 you're a high-res guy. You're high-res.
Not high-res. Is he high-res? Adam? No.
Adam says, I'm doing a fucking high-res. You've been high-res since we met.
Yeah. You've always been.
You're 36D, dude.

Speaker 1 You're 4K. You're 4K, dude.
And this is, you need to be in 240. Yeah.
I want to be 2D. I'm 720.
You're 240 for sure. I'm 540.
No, you're not. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I have to be 540.

Speaker 1 240 doesn't even exist. Okay, you'll be 540.
I'm 740. I'm blurry.
That's right. Okay.
I'm 740. And the only way I know that is from Pornhub, where you can adjust the thing and air.
I know.

Speaker 1 I don't know how to do it to my very nice TV, but yeah, yeah. Sometimes when I'm flicking it from my phone to my TV and it fails because Apple TV won't work.

Speaker 1 When you're flicking it is all I heard from while I'm flicking it. When you flick it to the Apple TV.

Speaker 1 And I've got a few, I've written a few complaint letters to Apple saying, you guys got to get the screen sharing down. Like that, yeah.
That screen sharing, it fails all the time.

Speaker 1 And you know, headquarters just goes into a tizzy when they read that email.

Speaker 1 They're like, we got to get it down. Well, what else is it for? What else would you need to flick from your phone to your TV for? For porno? Yeah, if it's not porn, what is it for? Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What is it for? Yeah. What would it, honestly, there's no.
Are you going to look at Instagram via

Speaker 1 Twitter? No, there's nothing you'd need to put from your phone on your TV other than porn. I'm convinced they made it for porn and they were like, this is going to be a cool thing.

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're talking about.

Speaker 1 I absolutely don't know what you're talking about. I know you don't.
Phone to TV? What do you talk? Explain. Here, check this out.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry. Shortly after the war.
Don't do this.

Speaker 1 Apple invented technology where you could flip your phone to your television you mean mirror yeah you can screen mirror yeah that's what it is well you can you don't just have a screen mirror you can also screen share screen share it so either mirrors your entire phone or you can just do just videos may i ask a question yeah go ahead kiddo so um if i'm watching like john wick four by the way yeah he dies he does die

Speaker 1 yeah he dies okay i don't know if it's a spoiler no he doesn't no he doesn't die

Speaker 1 he dies hey he doesn't die you saw it? No, I did not see it, but they're like planning a sequel. Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's what's great about it. I don't know how they're going to revive it.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 But that's what's great about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm curious to see what they're going to come up with. This is going to make you mad.
And I don't know if I told you this. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 I went to go see John Wick for. I know you told me.
Yeah. And I walked out.
You didn't like it. I walked out.

Speaker 1 I think I had a heavy day. And it was like.
John Wick wasn't. It just was too.
I was like, yeah, I want to go see John Wick. I've seen them all.
And I went in there and I saw like like 15, 20 minutes.

Speaker 1 And I was like,

Speaker 1 I don't want to do this. Sure.

Speaker 1 It's exhausting. John Wick is not.

Speaker 1 It's not an easy walk. It's just exhausting.
And I wasn't. A lot of brain power goes on.
I couldn't do it, dude. I'm also dissecting that story.

Speaker 1 I just didn't need like,

Speaker 1 I just couldn't do it. I was like, I got it.
He made like, it was something absurd.

Speaker 1 Like he made like $500,000 a word because he only says, yeah, he says like 14 words and the whole goddamn amazing it's pretty exhausting to watch it because you're like what this what is this

Speaker 1 uh so i was in you're like who's that who's that i was in berlin at studio babelsberg shooting my pitch perfect spin-off show bumper in berlin

Speaker 1 at the same time they were finishing reshoots for john wick 4 and my god we were like the only productions going at that time how like bummed people were when they would stumble onto our set thinking it was John Wick and I would all the time.

Speaker 1 They're like, Oh, it's just Bumper. Nothing special.
Nothing special. Can I just say one little thing about John Wick? John Wickens, yeah? Oh, just Bumper?

Speaker 1 Okay. Where is he located? Just Bumper, huh?

Speaker 1 The blind. The blind.
You see John Wick for? I haven't. No, there's a blind guy in it.

Speaker 1 Not that I like Pluto Wick. I love blind people and stuff.

Speaker 1 Not that it came out weird. It came out with you.
No. I love blind people.
He thinks blind people shouldn't be able to do that. Imagine what that's what cancels Bob.

Speaker 1 No, like the Stevie Wonder biopic, yeah, of course. I love the blind.
You know what I mean? Sure. You know what I mean? Whatever.
Ray Charles. Yeah, there's Dave.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? And they're blind.

Speaker 1 Who else is blind? You know, John Wick, there's one, but he has the same skill level as John Wick, but he's completely blind. Okay.
Doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 1 Timeout. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That is the thing of that movie that doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 That's the point I'm going to say. Red flag.
What was John Wick's... Look, dude, John Wick was just a guy whose dog was kidnapped.
He doesn't have any skill level. Well, he was an assassin before.

Speaker 1 Yeah, kind of. Kind of.
He wasn't a part of a family. He was a failed assassin.
No, he retired because he fell in love. Have you not seen the fucking movie? Hey, hey, hey.
He retired.

Speaker 1 And then the only reason he went back is they killed his dog. Yeah, exactly.
Well, his wife had died, and they killed the dog that his wife gave him the dog.

Speaker 1 No real assassin retires. He was not good.
Oh, fucking this guy. Anyway, what assassins go out,

Speaker 1 they go out out like that. They don't fucking retire.
Retire?

Speaker 1 He's not. He's like 50.
What does he need to do? What is he getting? A pension plan? You're still riding high on house party and you think you're going to

Speaker 1 take down the rest of Hollywood piece by piece. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So anyway, there's a blind.

Speaker 1 That's fine. Does that make sense to you? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it does. Sure.
Fine.

Speaker 1 He's Asian too. Yeah.
So that's why I can make the noise. Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 1 He kills like 50 guys. That makes no sense.
Well, no, he's using the force. He's feeling

Speaker 1 like you're not going to be able to

Speaker 1 feel you right now, blind, Adam blind, his buddy, fancy, Carlos. I can feel it.
Yeah. I would have killed it.
Oh, that was actually really good.

Speaker 1 See? See that? That was really good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's true.
You guys moved in this nice new studio, and then you spent 13 cents on your guest chairs. Like, this seems like a real desk.
Hey, this guy. Hollywood, huh?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Burke Kreischer sat on that chair last week.
Do you know how many legends have sat in those chairs?

Speaker 1 Name three.

Speaker 1 Burt Kreischer. Okay.

Speaker 1 Who else? Tallulah Khalida.

Speaker 1 You don't know Tolula Khalida? Yeah, I do. It's like one of the hottest young movie stars out right now.
Who was he in? Tallulah Khalida's a girl. What's she in?

Speaker 1 Dude, you can't say two made-up names and then expect me to know. Tallulah Khadida is a very famous movie star.
Can I say this?

Speaker 1 I think you're wrong. She's in Paul Mammetz's new new movie, To Change a Name.

Speaker 1 Hey, dude. I watch movies at the level of House Party and then Nothing Else.

Speaker 1 To Change a Name was a great movie. To Change a Name was so good.
Paul Rudd's in it. By the way, Tallulah is not airplane material, is my point.
Hey, and that's fine. That's fine.

Speaker 1 Ben Kingsley's in it. You got to get her anger.
Ben Kingsley, Paul Rudd,

Speaker 1 Ben Kingsley,

Speaker 1 Tilton.

Speaker 1 Tilda Swinton is in it. Yep.
Oh, I thought you were talking about people that sat in this chair. I was like, gee, okay.

Speaker 1 I didn't know you got Tallulah Mayor. Sir Sir Ben Kingsley to sit in this inflated rap.
Who else has sat in that chair that we can think of?

Speaker 1 Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis.
Really? Yeah, B. Dub.
Shut the fuck up. No, B Dub.
After the brain thing.

Speaker 1 Well, after the brain thing. He was confused.
He thought this was confused.

Speaker 1 He thought this was a dental officer. I thought you were doing Neil Brennan's podcast.

Speaker 1 Yeah. A lot of people.
A lot of famous people. No, you know why we got saying that I'm like.
You know, you could be the most famous person that sat there. That's true.

Speaker 1 You could be the most famous. Is that what? That's not what I'm fishing fishing for.
Does it feel good? Yeah, I mean, I like topic. So

Speaker 1 Prischer broke it last week when he was on it. Yeah, yeah.
Preischer broke it. Yeah.
And I would, you know. Yeah, and you had to go, you had to go back to the

Speaker 1 like Target. I don't even know.
I'm trying to think of a shittier store than Target. There is.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to get this store. Actually, we go to those from Amazon.
Those are, that's Jeff Bezos. Handmade, those.
Those are Bezos stitched. He does a lot of good.
These are $7,000 puppy charts.

Speaker 1 I take it back. Well, the best part was we opened up the rear deflator on that.
So when Bert got in here, he sat in it.

Speaker 1 And at the course of the podcast, he slowly sunk into nothingness and then broke the braces on the bottom because he's such a fucking tard.

Speaker 1 And when he was sitting next to Mateo and Mateo kept looking at him like, why is he like down somewhere? Why is he like this? And he kept sinking into the thing. And he was like, did I do it?

Speaker 1 Did he assume that he was just too big for the chair? Yeah, correct. Yeah.
Of course. But which we planned and knew immediately.
And I said,

Speaker 1 he'll think it's him. And they were like, I don't know.
I go, he will 100% think he broke the chair. Well, dude, I think I'm going to break this chair.
No, no, you're a thinny mini, dude.

Speaker 1 You're a tiny little boy. You're a tiny boy.
Well, don't call him that. No, I'm medium-sized.
You're a tiny boy. Do you think you barely?

Speaker 1 168. No, dude.
You're way off.

Speaker 1 182. 170.
No. I'm 190 pounds.
I just went to the doctor.

Speaker 1 Really? Are you really? 190. Steel.
There's steel underneath it. Yeah, and I just lost like eight pounds.
I was fatter. Thank you.
How tall are you? Thank you. Five foot eight.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. Jealous, jealous.
Jealous. I always thought you were a shorter guy.
Well, that is shorter, technically. When I see you on screen, it's like 5'4 ⁇ .
Yeah, I get that a lot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That's

Speaker 1 you're projecting because you're a tiny little man.

Speaker 1 You know, the way you say it, though, is rude. How else do you want me to say it? You're projecting because you're tiny and little.
Why tiny little?

Speaker 1 Yeah, because tiny and little are two different worlds. There's two different words.
So I'm both tiny and little. Correct.
That's fucked up. You're tiny because it's true, but don't say Asian tiny.

Speaker 1 Here we go. And little as

Speaker 1 he's compact. You can be small spaces.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I will say, I don't know. This story, this is a bad story, but it all, it like, I was like, damn, I hope to get that level someday.

Speaker 1 I was like probably 22 or something, and we went to Green Blatt's, me and you. Who's me? You.
Me and you? Yeah, me and you. I remember.
One other person. Yeah, I don't know.
Who else was there?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Somebody, one other person.
And we were eating at Green Blatt's, and you ordered so many goddamn beverages.

Speaker 1 You ordered like 20, like not 20, but like legit like six or seven different beverages. Let me tell you something, Adam.
And I was like, nothing's changed.

Speaker 1 That's the best. That's how to do it.
And now I'm that asshole. I thank you.
Yeah. I influenced you.
Yeah, you did. Yeah, yeah.
Do you, why, now, why? No, why do you think I do that? Because

Speaker 1 you want to taste a little bit. Variety.
Yeah, variety. Right?

Speaker 1 Like in my pie. In my pussy.
Okay. You know, when I do pussy, right? Yeah.
I do black, Mexican, white. Variety, baby.
That makes sense. You don't do black or Mexican.

Speaker 1 They don't white.

Speaker 1 Most

Speaker 1 exclusively white. Yeah.
Okay. Sometimes, sometimes Asians.
No, I had Mexican girlfriend, Christine Portilla. Did you ever meet Christine? I don't remember.
Okay. 30 years ago.
It's fine.

Speaker 1 I've had them before. That's what I'm saying.
Please don't call me a racist. You are.
I love vaginas. Sure.
Of all colors. Yeah.
Anyway, I like variety. That's why I order a bunch of stuff.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, you do that because you're an addict and you're trying to have balance in your life. That's why he orders all the fucking appetizers.
You're a fucking addict. We go to the rest.

Speaker 1 The drug fiend is laughing. We'll get into that.
Dr. Drugfiend.
We'll get into that. Right here.
Huh? Drug fiend.

Speaker 1 But every time we go to any restaurant, he orders literally four or five appetizers on the menu. And he doesn't really touch any of them.

Speaker 1 They just, it's just a waste of money to show that he can do it. And I liked it.
Yeah. Yeah.
Thank you. You're saying that I appreciated that.
And I ripped that page out of your playbook.

Speaker 1 So you still kind of do it. I still kind of do it.
So if you're out with a friend, right, at your, like, let's say, what's a nice restaurant in LA? Boa. Yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Well, you want to try a bunch of different things. You don't want to just come and you get the bone marrow.

Speaker 1 You look like a guy, bone marrow. You eat the bone marrow? I have eaten bone marrow.
I'm not like super bone marrow. No, no.
Adam, you're a bone marrow guy. You're a fucking bone marrow guy.

Speaker 1 My friend says it. You're a bone marrow.
Okay. Don't forget where you came from.
Yeah. Back in Nebraska, you were eating bone marrow.
That's probably true.

Speaker 1 When they have two types of caviar, do you do the expensive one or the little cheaper one?

Speaker 1 I would probably try both if they have both. I love your attitude.

Speaker 1 We're doing Oak and Stone. This is me texting the group on the road.
And Carlos's response is is Caesar salad, please. All Carlos got was a Caesar salad.

Speaker 1 Bobby got garlicky chicken, parm, chicken wings, Philly cheesesteak, egg rolls, the pretzels, barbecue bacon, cheeseburger. Dude, what a swing the egg rolls into pretzels.

Speaker 1 I don't know if I've ever seen anyone, after an egg roll, decide they need a full-on.

Speaker 1 He's a carb god. This guy's a carb god.
He does not, he's never needed to avoid a carb god. He's a bad bomb.
Yeah, baby. What do you mean? You're a carb god.
You consume carb god. I gave up, man.

Speaker 1 He ate a whole loaf of bread at one of the restaurants we went to. They give you the bread.

Speaker 1 They just kept cutting it up, and he just kept taking it, and they would fill it back in, and he took it, and he ate the whole loaf.

Speaker 1 Fucking Charles Bukasco. They're laughing at me.

Speaker 1 Dr.

Speaker 1 Drugfiend.

Speaker 1 I know you. Dr.
Drugfiend. Yeah, I know what you did on the road, man.
You were there with me. I know.
It was crazy, though. Anyway.
But you weren't doing any drugs. You didn't do any drugs.

Speaker 1 That's right. You were a good boy.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 What else did you learn from me? That was it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And then I saw your act.
I'm like, well, I'm not going to take any of this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. But I gave you that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.
Adam, how often are you dipping back in a standout? Dude, I haven't been in so long. I, I, uh, what are we talking? How was the last time?

Speaker 1 Uh, my last was my special in 2018. Wow.
So I did it in 2018. I was going to take 19 off because I had a lot of acting work.
And I was like, I don't want to have to like dip out on weekends.

Speaker 1 I just want to chill. And then I was like, the goal is to get back in 2020.
And then the pandemic hit. And then.
Since then, nothing. Do you think you'll go back or no? I think so.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm getting the itch now.

Speaker 1 Why, though? Because it's fun. Like, I look at you guys and I'm like jealous of you on the road.
It seems like a we are having the most fun. Yeah.
It's the most fun I've had in years. We know.

Speaker 1 We're a real blast.

Speaker 1 We're a real blast.

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
And there's no, there's nothing in that water?

Speaker 1 No. We're having a really good blast.
Yeah. But I'm just saying.
We're having a real good blast. We're a good blast.
But what I'm saying, though, is that,

Speaker 1 you know, I look at you and I go, wow, Adam is really, you know, you didn't move it with Daenero, all this stuff, right? It's like, if I was in that position, I probably wouldn't do stand-up until

Speaker 1 I will be in that position. That's what I'm saying.
You got to keep doing it.

Speaker 1 I think you can do that. No, dude, he's never going to be there, dude.

Speaker 1 No, Adam, he's never going to get there.

Speaker 1 He burns so bad.

Speaker 1 We started wrong today.

Speaker 1 Yeah, fuck you, dude. Fuck you, dude.
Dude, he's never going to get there. Yeah, yeah.
Okay, well, I probably won't. You know what, though? I'm going to try.

Speaker 1 I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep trying.

Speaker 1 This is great, too. And I think I am going to get back to

Speaker 1 it at some point. You should.
Right now is when I should. I'm just being fucking lazy.
Like, there's a strike happening. I can't actually.
Yeah. There's nothing really going on.

Speaker 1 Is that why your buddy flew in? He flew in? Yeah, we're doing a. I'm ripping a page out of both your playbooks, and we're doing a live podcast.

Speaker 1 Are you really? Yeah, at the Irvine Improv. Me and the work on, when, when, when, for this is important, our podcast, literally on Wednesday.

Speaker 1 This is what we're doing

Speaker 1 Hu2 huge shows in Riverside Friday. You should do a guest spot.
That'd be fun. Do you want to come do that? That would be fun.
You're more than welcome.

Speaker 1 I'm gone. I'm doing a thing for NASCAR.

Speaker 1 What do you like better? Me or NASCAR?

Speaker 1 I am, dude.

Speaker 1 That's why I got this hat made. And also, I knew you guys wouldn't bring up the movie, so I literally had to piece it where

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Speaker 1 Displayed, collect your passions. What's the NASCAR thing? So it's it's a NASCAR race in like outside San Francisco in fucking wine country.
I didn't even know they have NASCAR out there.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, baby.

Speaker 1 And yeah, I'm going to say, I'm going to like drive the pace car and then I'm going to say drivers, start your engine. You're going to drive the pace car.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think I'm going to be in the pace car i don't what's the what is the pace car now do you know do they tell you no i wonder what they are now because you used to have you used to have a camaro didn't you i still do they i think they haven't bought a new car no i think they usually do pace cars or camaros i think it's your car it's your car look up the new pace car for the for a nascar i think it is because i remember

Speaker 1 the oh it's a mustang gt the all new 2024 mustang gt is to make it

Speaker 1 yeah i got it i got the like season one of workaholics i bought a brand new uh you know camaro super sport and then i'm like i'm gonna be a car guy like once i start making money i'm gonna get a new car every year and then never did

Speaker 1 then just kept that car that's great though yeah it's great that's a waste of money well i like it you're out of the whole workaholics crew guys i'm friends with all you guys you're the only one i like thanks i knew that you're the one that's really got his values and morals lined up those other guys are scum damn yeah a bunch of dirtbags

Speaker 1 no problem do you know any of those other guys yeah one of them's on my podcast which one the long-haired one. All right.
A good friend of yours, son. I love it.
Yeah, good buddy of yours.

Speaker 1 It's so great.

Speaker 1 Good friend? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just give me the first initial of his first name. Okay.
How about this? Be real, though. B.

Speaker 1 Real. Blake Anderson.
There we go. Wow.
See? I love him. Yeah.
What's the other guy? What's the other guy's name?

Speaker 1 I don't know because he's never done my podcast. Yeah, you only know men that do your podcast? No, no, I know.
Oh,

Speaker 1 no. Oh,

Speaker 1 whoa, too much? Yeah. Slow down.
Way too much. I mean, turn it up.
Say it again, man. Give me another shot at it.
What's the other guy's name? I only know.

Speaker 1 It feels better. That's like NPR now.
You're absolutely right. Do it again.
Do it again. So, you know Adam, you know Blake, and then do you know? Blake Anderson.
And you know the third guy there?

Speaker 1 Starts with it. Can I say it? Yeah, you could say it.
Yeah. A.
Starts with an A. Literally don't know.
Last name, Holm.

Speaker 1 Aaron Holmes. Aaron Holmes.
God bless.

Speaker 1 Aaron Holmes. Aaron Holmes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bring up a photo of Aaron Holmes.

Speaker 1 The way he looks around, like it's the spelling B, he's like, Aaron Holmes? Aaron Holmes? Yeah. Waiting for someone.
There's Aaron Holmes. There he is.
That's the third guy from Workaholics.

Speaker 1 There he is, Aaron Holmes. Oh, that's cool.
Yeah. Oh, my God.
He went to prison. Trouble? Oh, Trump for a traffic fatality.

Speaker 1 But anyway,

Speaker 1 the third guy from Workaholics. Hey, man.
He's never done my podcast, so I've never been able to meet him.

Speaker 1 He's a lovely, lovely man. But if I met him, I would be welcoming.
We just were at his birthday party. Yeah, we just went to his birthday party.
Wasn't invited. That's why I was not invited.

Speaker 1 You actually were invited. He told me.
He said, I was at Bobby, but he he must have changed his number.

Speaker 1 Whose birthday present was it?

Speaker 1 Whose birthday present? Aaron Holmes. Yeah, I don't know Aaron Holmes.
That's what I'm saying. He doesn't have my number.
Well, you do know. Birthday present, wasn't it? It was a

Speaker 1 birthday party on me. Birthday party.

Speaker 1 Have you ever seen Workaholics? Well, I thought Eric Griffin was in it, and he was played.

Speaker 1 Let me guess. Smiley.

Speaker 1 Smiley is his name on the show.

Speaker 1 Eric Griffin? No, no, there's a word that everyone yells out. Montez.
Montez. Montez.
It's close. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you ever do an episode of of Workaholics? No. Neither did I.
I don't, yeah.

Speaker 1 One, two, three.

Speaker 1 It is weird. I will say that.
Interesting. Well, who else is? Who's done it? If you would have said this, you're interested.

Speaker 1 Who's done it?

Speaker 1 My guest aren't. Everybody.
You've done it? He's done it. His buddy in Nebraska.
Yeah, yeah. Segura played.
Tom Segura. We're better actors than that guy.
Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 1 You let that guy on the fucking show?

Speaker 1 You're saying Tom Segura is better than him and I at comedy acting. Comedy acting.
Well, he plays it so damn real, I feel like we might be going for the joke.

Speaker 1 So Adam, are you telling me that Tom Segura is a better comedy actor than Bobby Lee and me?

Speaker 1 Are you really saying this?

Speaker 1 Holy shit. Look at.

Speaker 1 If you did wrap Bobby in there,

Speaker 1 Bobby. I love you.
I've seen Bobby. I tell you, I've done stuff.
You know, I've done things. Are you kidding me? On his IMDb up upcoming page on his to come.
It's like, look at that.

Speaker 1 Six projects, this guy. Holy moly.
Death and Ramen, the throwback, drugstore June, dugout, sweet dreams, borderlands. I mean, dude, this guy, I have nothing in development.
Nothing. Zero.
A lot.

Speaker 1 That's a lot of stuff, dude. And Tom Segura doesn't have it.
That's right. Hey, I know.
Hit him with it, Bob. Let him know.
No, it's all right. I love Tom.
He's a great guy. Now, fuck, Tom Segura.

Speaker 1 I get it, though. You know, there's a lot of shows.
Yeah, I mean, that, you know, that my friends are on. Yeah.
They wouldn't necessarily call me and use me. No, no.
It honestly is.

Speaker 1 It does hurt, though. It hurts a lot.
It hurts a lot. We did 87 episodes of that show.

Speaker 1 I'm offended on your behalf. Yeah, you're not on the show.
You should have been. Well, I look at it the same way as I look at Sonny because I'm friends with those guys.

Speaker 1 And straight up, they were like, you'll never be on the show.

Speaker 1 And I was like, why? And he goes, because we want the jokes. Sure.
He's like, I don't want to fucking bring in another guy to do jokes. I was like, that's not a good idea.

Speaker 1 I auditioned for that show 15 fucking times.

Speaker 1 Hey, I put you in Game Overman. So that's a movie.
Yeah, but you made me do it with Adam Ray. I couldn't do it solo.
Yeah. You were like, I'll have you, but you got to be in with Adam.

Speaker 1 And I was like, well, can I do it? So you used Adam Ray and not me in one of your projects? Yeah, he was going to, dude, he was playing a cop. Yeah, we're a cop.
I think you could pull off.

Speaker 1 Let me say something. Puto, your hands up.
It wasn't.

Speaker 1 It was never going to work. First of all,

Speaker 1 get on the ground. No.

Speaker 1 Stop running. No one's going to be able to do that.

Speaker 1 Let me say something, okay?

Speaker 1 The guy, George Floyd, he died, right? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 No, rest in peace.

Speaker 1 Why are you bringing up George Floyd? Because his partner, the cops, was it what's the Michael Schifless? What's his name? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look at he's a cop.

Speaker 1 What are we even looking at? These are the cops with the George Floyd murder, and look at the far right. And so you're hoping if they do a biopic? No, I'm just saying that

Speaker 1 you're saying that there are no Asian cops. I didn't say that.
Hold on. You weren't saying that.
I'm not saying there's no Asian cops. I'm saying you specifically, who you are

Speaker 1 as a person. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're saying my body type.

Speaker 1 No, you be real. I want want to talk to you.
I am. I'm talking to you.

Speaker 1 You can lay that on the table. You say my doughy body.
Yeah. It's not believable as a cop.
Yeah. That's right.
Get the fuck out of here. They were the type of cops that we were going for.

Speaker 1 You know, we wanted a little burly.

Speaker 1 A traditional cop.

Speaker 1 But I'm just saying, mind you, okay, that there are people that look like me. Uh-huh.
Hence,

Speaker 1 sure, I think there's a height requirement.

Speaker 1 Let me say something about this guy, all right? I saw all the videos george floyd i love you

Speaker 1 rest in peace okay and this fucking guy right i could have done what he did timeout if this was a biopic if they remade this really what comics would play these people

Speaker 1 oh fucking great so i think the first one would be kyle done again no i don't know andy hayes andy haze all right who's the second guy oh it's got to be

Speaker 1 is he black he is yeah but we have to go full black on it no let's catch jamar neighbors i think we should go full black jamar neighbors Jamar Neighbors, and the third guy is obviously Anthony Jasselnick.

Speaker 1 Yeah, Jeselnick, there's no. And then, fourth, if you say fucking, I'll play him.

Speaker 1 You're gonna play the Asian guy? Yeah, I'll play him. You know what's so funny?

Speaker 1 If they had a casting, and you probably would fucking campaign for it, and you'd get it, and you'd fucking piss me off, man. I don't think, I don't think I could get away with that.

Speaker 1 If it were like 15 years ago, I'd get that. Who would play that? Shang Wang could play him, actually.
No, watch this.

Speaker 1 No, look, look, look, look.

Speaker 1 We'll call you. Little Hammy.
We'll call you.

Speaker 1 Not real.

Speaker 1 Little, not real. Too much.
Can we put that's good? No, Jesus Christ. Thank you.
Can the name of your special be Little Hammy? Little Hammy. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Because you are like a little piece of ham and you do like little hammy stuff. What happened to Tiny? Tiny, little hammy.
Yeah, yeah. Tiny Hammy.
Yeah, tiny, little hammy. Fucking bastard.

Speaker 1 That's what we were on

Speaker 1 the podcast that I do with the guys. This is important.

Speaker 1 We were talking about types of food that we would be, and like Durz is trail mixed because he's like,

Speaker 1 you know, you don't really,

Speaker 1 he's not that useful, but like, everyone, you want a handful of it. Sometimes.
Once in a while, it's okay. Blake is like guacamole because he's like two Californian.
We're like, you get it. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Anywhere else, they're like, yeah, it's fine. What are you?

Speaker 1 Ham. You're ham.
Yeah. It was just like, and they all screamed it at once.
They're like, you're ham.

Speaker 1 Oh, wow. You are ham.
Little piece of shit. All right, do us.
What's Bobby and what am I? What's about, what food is Bobby if Bobby was a food?

Speaker 1 And let me say something to you. Okay.

Speaker 1 Let me say something to you. I'm going to give you the go-ahead.
Yeah. Right? Because let's get real.
Yeah. I wouldn't be meatloaf.
No.

Speaker 1 Right? I wouldn't be matzo ball. No, I don't think so.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be a burrito.

Speaker 1 Right? So let's go.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you what it I got. Like, I mean, like a big old, like a big, thick, juicy little nugget of an egg roll.
That's right. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Vegetarian or beef? No, it's porky. It's porky.

Speaker 1 So a porky fucking egg roll. Yeah, porky egg roll.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lots of sauce.
Yeah, yeah. Oh, Hammy.
You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, good.
Hammy, thank you.

Speaker 1 I think, you know what I think you are to me? Yeah. You're a prime rib.
You know why? Why? Because prime rib is very good. Everybody likes prime rib.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But it's fatty and it's not good for you in the long run. So for short periods of time, prime rib, it's great and everybody likes it and the sauce is good.
The ju. Dude, this is you're fatty, fatty.

Speaker 1 Literally exactly what Durz explained what I was when he was hammy. He's like, everybody likes ham, but you don't want that much ham.
And you shouldn't have too much.

Speaker 1 You shouldn't have too much of it. It's going to haunt you at night.

Speaker 1 What about you? I feel like you are. Dried something.
Yeah, toast.

Speaker 1 Yeah, maybe toast. Yeah, something dry, though.
I'm an English muffin. Stale cracker.
Yeah, just like an old stale cracker. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I am? Ritz. It's fine.
The cracker, Ritz, it's fine, but

Speaker 1 you don't need it. But it's fine.
Well, I feel like... Like a saltine cracker.
And this is maybe a little too on the nose, but I think like I did angry.

Speaker 1 I feel like you'd be like

Speaker 1 a real thick, thick piece of deep dish. Oh, yeah.
Where, you know, it's like.

Speaker 1 It's good and everyone likes it. And it's like, it's good.
But like, it's the same, same with the hand. Can't have it.
You don't don't want too much. You know what I really am? I'm beer cheese.

Speaker 1 I'm the color of beer cheese.

Speaker 1 Same thing. Beer cheese is good.
You shouldn't have it. No.
You shouldn't have too much of it.

Speaker 1 Why do you have Asian eyes? I've always want to ask you that.

Speaker 1 You saw the photo. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's my father.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Have people said that you have Asian eyes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you mixed with some?

Speaker 1 We'd have to talk to my mother, but no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You You should see his parents are the whitest people you've ever seen. Really? There's no Asian in the middle.

Speaker 1 Because literally, if you put a ninja mask on him, you'd be like, oh, there's a Japanese dude that's a ninja. Cover your mouth and let's see.

Speaker 1 Fuck it. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Is that crazy? Yeah, you look a little Asian like that.

Speaker 1 Cover your mouth and look what it looks like. It's almost the same thing.
I might look Russian. You go ahead.
Some people think I look Russian. Hold on.

Speaker 1 No, still. Yeah, still, still Korean.
Yeah, still pretty Korean. You know what gives it away?

Speaker 1 No, still. You know what gives it away, The little tuft of chin hair that you've got.
Oh, really? Even if I widen the eye. Still did not.

Speaker 1 I want to get surgery where I'm like... Eye widener? No.
Yeah, I'm going to try. Shut up.
Well, you got to do it live. My mom did it.
Really? You know, my mom did it? I can tell. You can't.

Speaker 1 Well, how do you can tell? Because she looks awake. She looks awake.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. She looks awake.
She's always like, at all? She pulled the greatest paint. You know, there was a clip from the show that went viral of me saying, I'm Bobby Mom, and crossing my eyes.

Speaker 1 Uh-huh. And we did it in Phoenix where she lived.
Now, are you proud of that? Oh, yeah. Yeah, all right.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 One of my best moments on the show.

Speaker 1 I'm Bobby Mom. Like, it's one of my favorite.
Yeah. People yell it out at me in the street, which is.
It's crazy.

Speaker 1 They make shirts. They make shirts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, but I said it on the show because people will yell at us at the live show.
And I said, okay, I'm Bobby Mom. And I did it.

Speaker 1 And then all you hear from upstairs is, no.

Speaker 1 I'm a Baby DeMom. Yeah.
She came out, dude, and they went fucking nuts. Standing ovation.

Speaker 1 She got standing ovation and she went out there for like two seconds and realized she doesn't like it anymore and then just walked off.

Speaker 1 Before she was cocky, she's like, I can handle any crowd. I don't care.
You know, she didn't know it was like 4,000 people. She thought it was going to be like 300 people.
Right.

Speaker 1 And as soon as she walked out, all the fucking blood from her face left and she was shell-shocked. She wasn't shocked.
You could tell she was like, I did not sign up for this. This is the dumbest.

Speaker 1 I fucked this. And immediately was like, okay, okay.
And ran off the stage. And then she disappeared.
Yeah, we were all like, where's Bobby's mom? We want to say hi. She literally left.

Speaker 1 Has she ever done anything like on stage? She was on Matt TV. She did about four sketches.
Oh, she did the bit, you know, the bit, uh-oh, hot dog, that was her.

Speaker 1 Keto, dude.

Speaker 1 No, she did four sketches. My dad did a couple of sketches.
They used to get residual checks. I love that.
Shut up. Yeah, it was crazy.
How much money did you? Bobby, I make nine cents.

Speaker 1 I can put it in the bank, dad.

Speaker 1 They wouldn't make a lot, but they couldn't believe that they kept sending the money. What's the lowest,

Speaker 1 what's the residual check that just won't go away for you? That you'll get. Do you ever know, like, what's the thing that you did 20 years ago that still paid off?

Speaker 1 I still get paid off of Samantha Who, which was like the very first thing I ever did. Look up Adam Divine Samantha Who.
I need to see that. What was that a TV show? It's Christina Applegate.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I don't even know where the fuck it is anymore. Whoa, third.
Look at that. Cutie Patootie.
Well, that's not, that's just from.

Speaker 1 But yeah, it was with me and Christina Applegate, and I play her like assistant on the show. And I did like three episodes.

Speaker 1 How is Christina Applegate?

Speaker 1 cool oh so cool yeah really really cool i still get like a dollar a year from herald and kumar is that right yeah yeah that's big money do you ever get like like low-end money like i still

Speaker 1 i still get like 30 it'll it'll be like 30 checks from

Speaker 1 from punked from mtv reselling punked oh dude thousands of i remember i remember when you got that i was like jealous like low-key i was like oh well let me say a story then i'll tell you you want to talk not jealous but i was like proud of something that that happened to you because we were friends.

Speaker 1 I remember so vividly, and I have a bad memory. You came into the improv.
I was at the bar. This is back when the improv was the shit.
Yeah. In the old lounge, everyone was kicking it.

Speaker 1 I love that for you. And you know what? In the corner, it was like Apatow and Sandler.
People were like hanging out. I was like, it was such a crazy night.

Speaker 1 And Adam came in with Blake, long, curly-haired boy that you like? I like him. And he said to me, this is my boy, Blake Anderson.
He introduced me to him and I said, hey, he's like Santino.

Speaker 1 He's a buddy. Kind of like, da-da-da.
And I said, you do stand-up? And you go, you cut, you, before you can say anything, you go, no, but he's a phenomenal comedian and writer, comic.

Speaker 1 He's, we're making a show together.

Speaker 1 And I was like, oh, cool. That's awesome.
And I was like, what do you, what show? And you're like, we're doing this show for Comedy Central, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And you kind of were, wouldn't shut up about it. Well, no, no, but you were kind of vague about it.

Speaker 1 Like, don't, you know, like, it's always, there's always a moment when you're like, I don't know, man. It's this thing we're doing with fucking, whatever.

Speaker 1 But you don't know if it's going to be real or not. Right.
You're like, it's my friend. It's cool.
It's my buddy, but da, da, da.

Speaker 1 And I was like, good to meet you man he's like yeah i hope to see you around i was like yeah me too and then we did i did a spot i left one of this you did a spot left and then it was like i mean it's like out of a movie that i remember sitting at home seeing the previews for everything

Speaker 1 and i was like holy shit that all came true i was so stoked i mean i remember i think i texted you back then like yeah that was the guy that was your boy that from the thing and it worked it was like a it was cool uh to see like when when workaholics came out like who my actual friends were in comedy and those that like secretly hoped to

Speaker 1 die.

Speaker 1 Which is everything in Hollywood. You early see when you get something, the real people that are like...
People were genuinely like, oh man, I'm so happy for you.

Speaker 1 And then people are like, pretty cool.

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Speaker 1 I'm happy for you. What was? You've gotten better with texting.
You really are. You're learning to respond better.
You're learning to

Speaker 1 not just fucking thumbs up a thing. You actually will say something back.
So I'm proud of you. I really am.
I called you today. Sometimes you answer the phone in a panic, which I don't like.

Speaker 1 You go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Because every time people call me, I feel like something happened.
But it's not.

Speaker 1 It's a different person. No, I feel like you guys work together.
I feel like you should probably expect some phone calls. Like, have I called you out of the blue? Right.
Someone died.

Speaker 1 And now people are like, I know, right, right, right.

Speaker 1 Blake. Let me tell you something.

Speaker 1 And I have to be the one to call you.

Speaker 1 That guy that was on your podcast once that you couldn't hardly remember his name died. We gave you clues.
He was a good guy. Anyways,

Speaker 1 I have a list. I'm on the B's.
If anybody you and I know dies, I promise I'll text you. I won't call.
Really? Yeah. Like, I'll go Carlos died.
I'll text you. No, no, no.
Don't text me that.

Speaker 1 Well, when we have a code, I'll go Carlos gone. Or I'll do Carlos with the crossbow, the emotional.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, let's be real. Let's be real for a second.
Okay, if it went first. If you see the devil with the frowny face,

Speaker 1 no, the smiley one for him. Yeah, you're like, he's horny? What?

Speaker 1 Let's come up with a word where I know I have to call you because it's something there's a death. Because you're serious.
Yeah, so like something like, you know, pineapple or something.

Speaker 1 Well, that's for. That's to like swing.
Yeah, that's swingers. We talked about that.
Oh, that's a pie. Oh, that was an eggplant.
No, that's for stuff. That's for

Speaker 1 that penis. Okay.

Speaker 1 Maybe some stuff.

Speaker 1 How about

Speaker 1 thumbs down emoji? No, that could be anything.

Speaker 1 What about just three X's? Yeah, XX. Triple X.
Triple X. All right, so three X.
I don't think I want to watch the movie Triple X or something.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so three X's, then I'll know someone died and I'll call because I don't want death relayed in a fucking text. How about like this? We'll use like beeper code.
Remember beeper code?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like 911 means you need to call me immediately. Yeah.
Okay, what does 911?

Speaker 1 411 means I've got something to tell you. But 911 is death? 911 will say is death.

Speaker 1 Okay, so I feel this just needs to be a phone call.

Speaker 1 I know. No, because he'll never fucking answer.
I won't pick up the phone. That's why if he texts me, then I'll call him.
Even if he calls you multiple, because no one answers right away, hardly.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 My friend, my friend. I could call him six times in a row.
It wouldn't fucking matter.

Speaker 1 But I see all your calls.

Speaker 1 I'm playing Elden Ring, and I'm going, I'm in the middle of this.

Speaker 1 Like, we were supposed to leave.

Speaker 1 We were leaving Orlando, and I was like, you know, where is the guy?

Speaker 1 And then I go down to the front desk. I call.
He doesn't answer. Oh, you pissed me off so bad.
I walk upstairs, I knock on the door. He goes, I know, I know.

Speaker 1 Already fucking a half hour late.

Speaker 1 But you know what you said that pissed me off that morning, though? What did I say that fucking made you mad when you were a half hour later? We were sitting in the car waiting for you.

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny when you've, when your little drug hyena laughs,

Speaker 1 your little frenzied, your little frenzied laugh, right? I like that. I haven't, you have another thing coming.

Speaker 1 Okay. Go ahead.
Nothing. I have nothing.
But am I saying... Have you guys ever fought? Him Him and I?

Speaker 1 We've had some moments on tour. Oh, shit.
Okay. Yeah, we've had.
We hit a big hiccup on the road.

Speaker 1 We hit a hiccup on the road, but no fight, but it could come to it. Yeah.
It could come to blow. I love him.

Speaker 1 That's not like a real fight. It's playful.
Yeah. So then you kiss and make up.

Speaker 1 Do it. Come here and give him a kiss and make up.
Yeah, what? Make up.

Speaker 1 Give him a kiss. Just kiss your friend.
Dude, your guest wants a kiss. You're not going to kiss for your guest? I feel like that's.
Kiss your homie for. Kiss your home dog

Speaker 1 for good measure. Yeah.

Speaker 1 See, thank you. Was that that hard? That was nice.
Yeah. It was nice.
That was beautiful. That was a beautiful moment.
Dude, his face, your friend, he's so grossed out.

Speaker 1 He literally was like, I got to get back.

Speaker 1 I got to get out of LA. I'll tell you why you watch you.
Everyone in Hollywood is gay. He just unzips his pants.

Speaker 1 What you said to me that morning. What did I say?

Speaker 1 See, your attitude now, I don't know. Well, get it out.

Speaker 1 You said this happens all the time. It does.
It doesn't. Carlos.
It doesn't. Multiple times, you're fucking late.
That was the second time during the tour that I was, I got up late. Second time.

Speaker 1 Same thing happened in New York. You were late to it when we were going to the fucking meeting.

Speaker 1 Or the pod. You were late for that.
No.

Speaker 1 Five months ago, you're bringing that up? It stays. It all stays.
Out of the millions of fucking mornings you put,

Speaker 1 two incidences. Three.
All right. And then you put it in the text.
Don't do it. I'm going to fucking do it more now.
Don't tell me what to do, kid. Don't tell me what to do.
I'm older than you.

Speaker 1 Don't call me kid. But not in social standards, you're not.
So I am.

Speaker 1 in chronological age you're older but not in social standards socially you're way fucking younger than me you're a child compared to me so i haven't seen this podcast all that much this is the premise right

Speaker 1 these you guys are bad friends is that the uh no it's just like i i you know you just you know it makes me mad yeah you make me fucking mad about what i'm so good no you're not i'm the best no you're not i like you

Speaker 1 i don't bother me listen just don't do tone when you in the morning just oh and then the other morning you knocked on my door and you're just waiting there in the hallway. Yeah, you're late.

Speaker 1 You're a half-year.

Speaker 1 That night. Why are you late? The night before, he said.
Dude, are we leaving at 2 p.m.? No, no, no.

Speaker 1 What a reasonable hour to leave. It is Bobby.
Like, as the sober one,

Speaker 1 it should be a little on time. Yeah, fuck you.
He's saying no. No, no, no, no.
No, you know what? My friend? There's not a whole lot of other excuses. I'm proud of you.
Yes.

Speaker 1 Very successful, but right now you're crossing a fucking liner, okay? No, you're right.

Speaker 1 You're trying to eyes, okay?

Speaker 1 Back up, china eyes okay so what i'm gonna say to you right now is zip your lip

Speaker 1 okay hey don't say zip don't say zip anything don't say zip her head your lip don't say zip all right crows your rip crows your rip yeah yeah so you that night at the bar you go you know we don't take off until 4 30 so we can leave at 2 30 you said no i said when you were drunk why were we all in the car at two then and i was saying that he did say that i remember that i really yeah because you're drunk you're drunk frenzy I wasn't drunk.

Speaker 1 Was I drunk that night? I wasn't. Not only was I drunk.

Speaker 1 I woke up. I had a beer.
I had a beer. I'm not drunk at a beer.
I woke up. I went to the fucking gym.
I went swimming. I went for a long walk.

Speaker 1 And then still jerked off, took a shit, did some fucking work, took a shower, got ready, packed up the fucking car. And then at 2 p.m., you weren't there.
Because I got up at 2 because I thought 2:30.

Speaker 1 Fuck off. Let's move on.
Adam. Yeah.
Adam, thanks for coming on the show. Outlaws, huh? Outlaws is out right now.

Speaker 1 Outlaws are good, huh? Let me say this: recanting all the fun that we've just had. July 7th.
Me and this guy

Speaker 1 couldn't be closer now.

Speaker 1 It sounds like it. Yeah.
But because I love you so much. I love you.
And we've been having fun with a lot of it.

Speaker 1 And all the fucking, all the shit aside. July 7th, Outlaws is going to be out.
And if you don't go watch it,

Speaker 1 you know what's going to happen, Adam. Tell him.
Dude,

Speaker 1 we won't be friends anymore. Wait, you and I won't be friends if people don't go see the

Speaker 1 dark twist. Is it the only one you're using as a promotion? Yeah, I feel like I don't know if you should use this.
This is it.

Speaker 1 I hate it.

Speaker 1 Excommunicado. Yeah, yeah.
Okay. It's going to be on theaters.
No.

Speaker 1 I mean, just watch the goddamn trailer. Yeah, dude.
Where's the streaming where? It's Netflix. Great.
It's not streaming, dude. You just have to buy it.

Speaker 1 There's guys in Washington Square Park selling it.

Speaker 1 Reel to reel. You got to buy a reel to reel.

Speaker 1 No, it's on Netflix. I don't want to confuse people.
It's on Netflix. Yeah, yeah.
My favorite corporate overlord. God bless.
And not Paramount Plus. it's Netflix, it's Netflix, baby.

Speaker 1 Favorite, go on Netflix, and you got to watch it. Not Netflix, it'll be uh watch the trailer.
I think you guys would like to. I've seen it, I already saw it.

Speaker 1 When you sent me the link, uh, or I mean, you sent me the flyer, I watched the trailer already. Also, the trailer was being pushed around the internet a lot.

Speaker 1 I saw it multiple times come up on my page, it was a success, and I got to tell you, man, he is so fucking hot. Yeah,

Speaker 1 he pierces so hot, it's like annoying. You're like, He's also so cool, and he like we were like, yeah, we think your Irish accent is cool.
Just just do that, and it's the best. How old is he?

Speaker 1 How old is Pierce Pross? He's like 65,

Speaker 1 something like that. You know how fucking hot he is still? It's like a little annoying, to be honest with you.
Yeah. And 70? Yeah, he's 70.
Look at great.

Speaker 1 He doesn't work out. I'm like, how do you, and he's like, I don't.
I just don't work out. I'm like, well, do you like

Speaker 1 surf or something? Like, how do you stay so lean? And he's like, I just, I don't know. I just am.

Speaker 1 So here's my problem with this, because you're proving a point that I had a couple of days ago in my mind.

Speaker 1 You know, have we been visited by aliens? Yeah. Did they stay? I think so.
Yeah. And who are they? Pierce Brosett.
Yeah. So I've worked with a lot of aliens.

Speaker 1 I tend to work with like really, really hot boys. You like aliens? I love Zach Efron.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something. I just worked with him.
He's in the alien factor. Without a doubt.
100%.

Speaker 1 Used to go in the basement. Before we'd leave, he'd go down into the, into the basement of the house, and I would just hear humming and like little tinging noises.

Speaker 1 And then he'd come out and he'd go, all done, and then he'd leave. And I wouldn't ask what it is, but.
Wait,

Speaker 1 now look at me. Holy shit.
Wow. Pierce?

Speaker 1 Pierce? Pierce.

Speaker 1 Something. Pierce.
Hello. Oh, Bobby.
Oh, my God. You almost had me fooled.
Thank you. Hello.
Can you do a good British accent or is it offensive? I'm Pierce Bronson. Yeah, Pierce Bronson.
Hello.

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 Hello. No, no.
No, this is Pierce Bronson. What's his name? You're Pierce Bronson.
What's his name? Pierce Bronson is you. What's his name? Pierce Brosnan.
Brosnan. Bronsnan.
Yep, exactly.

Speaker 1 Same thing.

Speaker 1 Hello, I'm Pierce Bronson. That's right.
Thank you. Pierce, where are you from? 007.
You're from 007. That's what I played.

Speaker 1 Sure. Bond.
James Bond. Whoa.
Hello. So, Pierce, can I ask you a couple of questions? Cheerio.
Cheerio. You like Cheerios?

Speaker 1 What's your favorite

Speaker 1 dry cereal?

Speaker 1 Cherry owl. Oh, man.
Easy opportunity to say checks or anything else. Really missing the comedy loop there.
No, no, no. Because I went, you know, I yes-end it.

Speaker 1 That's, yeah, you did. I just yes-end it.

Speaker 1 You know? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Directly.

Speaker 1 I went direct. You did.
Yeah, yeah. Anyway, a lot of comedy is A, B.

Speaker 1 You just went A, B, right to C.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 1 So anyway, you know, similar in many ways. I got to say, the more I think about it, the more I do think you share a lot of things.
But do this. You do this.
See if it looks good.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it doesn't look good. Yeah, I think it looks good.
Looks like you have a headache. I do have a headache right now.
Let me.

Speaker 1 Oh my God. Oh, my God.
That's fucking. Oh, my God.
That's the shit, dude. You look like.
You're so good at that. You look like, you know what you're like, hold that pose.

Speaker 1 You know, you look like a guy at the beach who forgot his sunglasses. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who has

Speaker 1 an ocular migraine? Who's pretending like it's not bothering him so much, but you're like, fuck it, I'm not going to. Look, miserable.
Because your wife was like, just bring your shades.

Speaker 1 You're like, I don't need my shades. It's overcat.
And you're doing this all day. Or you look like one of those engineers at Chernobyl.
You fucked up. Yeah.
And you're just like,

Speaker 1 but like hot, though. What? But like hot though.
Yeah, of course. Yeah.
Yeah, of course. What do you mean? A hot engineer? Yeah.
Yeah, fuck yeah. All right.

Speaker 1 They're not all ugly. Yeah, thanks, Bob.
Yeah, right. There's got a cutie.

Speaker 1 There could be a cutie in there. I don't know what they look like, bro.
You got it, man. What do you mean? Yeah, there could be.
There were engineers at the fucking thing. Hottest.
They fucked up.

Speaker 1 Let's do hottest NASA engineer. Hottest NASA engineer.
Let's see if there's. Oh, you know, there's some, because there's, there's hotties.
There's been a lot through the years.

Speaker 1 So there's some hotties for sure. Okay.
Ooh, Judith.

Speaker 1 The hottest lady astronauts. Go back, go back, go back.
What are you doing? Hold on. The hottest lady astronauts.
It was too sexy. It broke the internet.
All right. Judith Resnick.
Would you?

Speaker 1 Would I what? Go to space with her? Yeah. That's Trevor.

Speaker 1 Trevor Wallace's mom? No, Trevor Resnick. Is that the Andrew Snails guy?

Speaker 1 Trevor Resnick. Trent Resnick.
Ah, man. Trevor Resnick.

Speaker 1 Trevor Resnick. Trevor Resnick.

Speaker 1 Oh, Tracy Caldwell Dyson. That's Mike Dyson's wife, the guy who meant the vacuum.
Invented the vacuum. Whoa, I didn't know that.
Very smart family. All right, let's see.
Go to the go by.

Speaker 1 Oh, here we go. Here we go.
Search the NASA girl who wore a diaper that killed her husband. Her boyfriend or her husband, right? It was her boyfriend? I think maybe boyfriend.
Lisa Marie Nowak. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Okay. This was this.
Tell me about this. I don't know anything about it.
Tell me about the story. This girl, she killed

Speaker 1 another astronaut that she was in love with. I think there was an affair.
Yeah, that was a fair, right? Yeah.

Speaker 1 She traveled across the country, wore a diaper, so she didn't have have to stop for peer poop breaks to go murder this guy. This is her astronaut brain.

Speaker 1 She's smart enough to know, like, I need to get there in X amount of time. If I stop to use the restroom five or six times, I won't make it.

Speaker 1 So I'm going to strap this diaper on, shit and piss myself the entire way there.

Speaker 1 Wow. And then murdered him.

Speaker 1 I would take a diaper. She drove 950 miles in a diaper.
Holy moly. And I'm going to say something right now.
McCone, the next time we're driving far, you were in a fucking diaper.

Speaker 1 We had to pull over for this loser within 50. You know, it's like, we got to keep pulling over for this guy.
This is why I wanted to talk. I wanted to bring

Speaker 1 your guys'

Speaker 1 road story.

Speaker 1 I don't know where else you're going.

Speaker 1 Are you doing a space movie next? Is that why you threw this up at us?

Speaker 1 Are you in that Tom Cruise where he's living? Tom Cruise is living in space right now. You do know that, right? Do you guys know this? No.
He's in space as we speak filming

Speaker 1 a movie in space. The first civilian, look, there it says, he's there now.
Apparently, he's there now shooting stuff right now. Wow.
Wow, dude. Incredible.

Speaker 1 I think that's got this guy is genuinely the greatest movie star we've ever had. He really is.
We've ever had. Did you see the scenes for Mission Impossible on the photo cycle?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and he's well, that one, that one. He did it nine times.

Speaker 1 Six times.

Speaker 1 Nine.

Speaker 1 15. Just give me nine.
12. He did it 76 times.
Yes. But that one to me, I'm like, I would do that one.
Everyone was like, oh, man, that one.

Speaker 1 I'm like. You Adam.
No, you wouldn't. I would.
You Adam.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would. The only reason why I.
I don't know if you saw my Quibby series, Bad Ideas with Adam Devine. Yeah, I would.
Okay.

Speaker 1 I did see it. I did see it.
Okay. Yeah.
I've never even, I've never done a motorcycle. I have.
And so I would be, you know what I mean? I would not make the longer. You would hit the ramp.

Speaker 1 You'd fall down. Dude, I had a motorcycle.
I bought a motorcycle when I was trying to be a Hollywood bad boy for a while, like eight years ago, something like that. Where is it now? And I sold it.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I live up in the hills and I was coming down my hill and there was like a hairpin turn, and I crashed this bike all the fucking time.

Speaker 1 And I, of course, I ate it again coming down this hill because I'd get nervous trying to take the, and I just ate shit, dropped the bike, and was so embarrassed.

Speaker 1 Uh, you know, that, that, that I just dropped the bike and there was this construction, they were doing construction on this house.

Speaker 1 And I was so embarrassed that I dropped the bike in front of these guys that I just looked and I ripped my helmet off. I looked into this bush and go, fucking squirrels.

Speaker 1 Did you really? Yeah, as if it were the squirrel's fault. Like, I was like, and then it's like looking into the bush as if the squirrel made me drop my motorcycle.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Imagine if one of the construction workers came over, he's like, I know about that fucking squirrel. Yeah, fucking shot.
That piece of shit. He's done that every day to me.
Yeah. This is his mother.

Speaker 1 He just holds him like that.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to say you threw the keys at one of the construction workers. Keep it.
Keep the fucking bike. I wish I did something that cool.

Speaker 1 But I was like, so ashamed that I picked up the bike, like, it was like 800 pounds. They're heavy as fuck.
Yeah. And I'm on the side of a hill.

Speaker 1 I lifted it no problem just with like the embarrassment adrenaline. Embarrassment rage.
So let me say, based on the story you just told, you cannot jump off a jump with a parachute. Yeah, why can't I?

Speaker 1 There's no way. Why can't I? Because you're.
You dropped it on a turn in the hills. Dude, you're going to drop it as soon as you go off the fucking lip of the thing.
I know, but you wouldn't make it.

Speaker 1 I think it would be,

Speaker 1 but you'd hit something before that.

Speaker 1 I fear off the side.

Speaker 1 Imagine the shoot just doesn't open. Do you know how to do the shoot? Dude, you've never done it.

Speaker 1 How do you know it's there? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Do it again.
Do it again. That's literally perfect.
That's how you get it. That's actually.

Speaker 1 And you have to do that. First of all, both of you guys are wrong.
It's right here. Yeah.
Yeah, it's down here. Well, dude, I can't get around this fucking...

Speaker 1 Well, that's going to be a problem when you're out there, too. Yeah.
You think that's just now? That's what happens on the other side. But have you ever skydived Adam? Yes.
You have? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, have you? No.

Speaker 1 See, so who are we going to believe can do this? Oh, I didn't say I could. I said you can't.
Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think we were sipping a little haterade right now because I did some crazy shit. Okay.
I hosted Shark Week multiple times. Has he hosted Shark Week? Tom Cruise? No, he hasn't.

Speaker 1 You know, now that I think about it, he has not. Yeah, so I can do all his stuff.
Okay, you know what? By the way, this is our little shark week.

Speaker 1 We did actually bring you in here to pitch you something. Yeah.
Bobby have a little invention.

Speaker 1 Are you willing to hear the pitch? Am I done? Dun done, done, done, done, done.

Speaker 1 Dun, done, ticket, ticket, ticket, dung. What are we singing? Hello, Adam.

Speaker 1 My partner, Bobby Lee, and I, I'm Andrew Santino. It's not Adam.
It's hello, shark. Hello, Shark.
Yep. We're here presenting a product that we're here.
Hello. Hello.
Cheerio.

Speaker 1 This is my partner, Pierce Bronson.

Speaker 1 Sorry, this is my partner, Pierce Bronson.

Speaker 1 We're here looking for $8 million

Speaker 1 for

Speaker 1 a half a percent in our company. In our company.
And our company is called

Speaker 1 Cheerio. Cheerio.

Speaker 1 I think there is a company.

Speaker 1 Shark, do you like cereal? But it's spelled

Speaker 1 with four E's.

Speaker 1 Cheerio. We've invested four times the normal amount of vitamin E inside of ND cereal.
Uh-huh. And D.

Speaker 1 Yes, Pierce.

Speaker 1 All of the vitamins. This is a vitamin-heavy cereal called Cheerio.

Speaker 1 Are you interested?

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to pass this off to Mark. Mark, Cuban? Yeah, I think Cuban's going to have to.
Cuban or, I mean, Spanish, whatever.

Speaker 1 Spanish or Mexican? Yeah, yeah. I think your valuation is a little

Speaker 1 yeah. Oh, really? Last year, we made $6,700.
Yeah, I think we're on track this year to make tens of millions.

Speaker 1 My favorite is when they just guess what they might be making. Oh, yeah, when they're like, uh, we're on track to make everything

Speaker 1 the way we want it to. It's going to be a $120 million company next year.
And you're like, Yeah, if everything goes the way you want it to, sure. Then my company is going to be Google.

Speaker 1 Then I'm going to be a billionaire.

Speaker 1 I never bought it. That always bothered me.
I knew a girl that did that, by the way, that did that show. In fact, her brother is the guy that created Rick and Morty.

Speaker 1 Justin Royal. And then

Speaker 1 she made like a clothing company and went on there.

Speaker 1 And I didn't want anybody to buy it, not out of spite, but out of like, you can't have two super successful siblings. Yeah.
It's got to be one. Well, that's like David Spade and then Kate Spade.

Speaker 1 Aren't they related at some point? Well, she married his brother. Yeah.
She married him. She loved the blood.
Also, rest in peace. Okay.
Oh, she did. She died.
David Kate. Kate died.
Hate Spade.

Speaker 1 Kate Spade died. Committed suicide.

Speaker 1 No, yeah. Thanks for bringing it up.
My bad. What the fuck? God damn.
Can we do a moment of silence for Adam Devine not knowing about designer designers' deaths? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Thank you. And George Floyd, too.
He was not a clothing designer, was he? No, but we talked about it earlier. Might have been.

Speaker 1 Well, you got to take a moment because you're the one that did all sorts of weird George Floyd stuff. Yeah, the Ferguson thing.
Yeah. Well, no, because of that little Asian.

Speaker 1 Well, can I just say something about that Asian cop, though? I've never said this before.

Speaker 1 If you look at all the photos, you're on his side. I knew you were on his side.
I'm not on his side. I'm not on his side.
I'm not going to say it. I felt it coming.
Here's why I hate him, right?

Speaker 1 In every photo you see him, he does this.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you can't believe it. Yeah, what's going on?

Speaker 1 He's murdering a guy. He's an Asian guy.
What going on? But it is true. What is going on?

Speaker 1 Yeah, do your job. Stop that.
What if his job was, what's going on, guy?

Speaker 1 At the precinct. They leave the precinct.
They're like, and you're the killer.

Speaker 1 You're the bag. You're the lookout.
And you? Yeah, yeah. What's going on, guy? You're what's going on, guy.
Yeah. And he's like, I'll practice.
Perfect. Get out there, buddy.
Hate that guy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He's in prison. One of the worst guys.
But if you get offered to play him in a film,

Speaker 1 you're doing it. That looks good.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, but I would change the line, maybe. What happening? What happening? That's better, right? Right.
So

Speaker 1 make it my own or whatever. I'll improvise.
Yeah. Yeah, man.
You're always, dude, you're

Speaker 1 a good improviser. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You're a good improviser taking another line that's already

Speaker 1 and changing it just ever so slightly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. I'm pretty good, huh? Yeah, you're good.
I'll tell you what. Do you ever have a moment with your wife where you're talking about, you know, like something that you're passionate about?

Speaker 1 Like a thing that you like, like, oh man, this new project, I'm blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And she just gives you something. And she's just like,

Speaker 1 when do we have to turn in the thing? Oh, all the time. It's always like booking a flight for my mom to come visit or something.
Yeah, I can't.

Speaker 1 Literally last night, I was like, talking about the trailer for the Outlaws, July 7th, only on Netflix. Don't talk about it.
Look at the hat.

Speaker 1 I was talking about like how well the trailer's done, how many people are watching the trailer, how it's everywhere. And Chloe is like,

Speaker 1 so I was thinking getting the 945 flight for American people.

Speaker 1 And I'm like.

Speaker 1 I'm like, we have to talk about me always.

Speaker 1 I had a freak out moment just today, though. And it was like...
With your wife? Yeah. And she said, sorry, but I was like bummed because I had this thing that I've kind of been working on.

Speaker 1 And I was like, and it came to me in the shower. And I was like, holy shit.
Because I was like, I was toying on this one thing. I had to hiccup on this idea.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I just don't, that's not, I don't know if that's going to work. And it came to me and I get out of the shower.
And I was like, I've got it. I was like, but you have to hear this.

Speaker 1 And she's like, what's up? And she's, she wasn't doing anything. I wasn't like interrupting her.
And she's like, what's going on? I'm like, this and this. And I want to call this.

Speaker 1 And remember when I was.

Speaker 1 and then she goes, You have a booger?

Speaker 1 And I was like, What? What? She goes, You have a booker, you have a booger. I've been like, I almost didn't hear anything that you just said.

Speaker 1 I was dude, my soul fell into my asshole. Yeah, I was like, I have a booger.
I just told you, like, I felt like well, wipe your nose

Speaker 1 before you do a speech. I just got out of the shower.
Well, then that's supposed to wash all the boogers off. No, no,

Speaker 1 I put I so when boogers come out, I put them on the wall, I put them right back in before I leave. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That old

Speaker 1 technique. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That bummed you out, huh?

Speaker 1 I could see that.

Speaker 1 It was one of those moments where you're like, when you're living with, whether it's your significant other, partner, boyfriend, girlfriend, whatever, like there's moments where you're like, I got to share this with you.

Speaker 1 And then they're like,

Speaker 1 did you not want chicken catchatori? And you're like, oh, fucking fuck off. I just wanted you to go,

Speaker 1 yo, cool, neat. Or what? I don't even know.
Nothing. You could just be like, awesome.
That's, I'm glad that worked.

Speaker 1 But when they do that thing where they're like, is your mom, do you think your mom would want to land earlier in the day? And you're like, well, okay. I guess fuck me.
I guess fuck me.

Speaker 1 It hit me hard today. I'm sorry.
I wanted to.

Speaker 1 When you were in the middle of that story, I wanted to just talk about how dumb I look right now, crossing my legs, and do the thing that your wife did to you.

Speaker 1 I thought you were going to be like, you have a booger. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, you look good crossing your legs, by the way. It's weird how when you get older,

Speaker 1 it's so comfortable. It's so comfortable.
Now, do you pull your nuts up or do you let them go?

Speaker 1 Are you cocking balls between the legs or are they up?

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're up high. You bulge up.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 You bulge up, don't you? I love it. Yeah.
When you cross your legs, you bulge up. I don't know what you're talking about, but I love it.

Speaker 1 When you cross your legs like he's doing right now, do you pull your cock and balls up, up, above, above the folder, or do you let the nuts hang down low? I let it squeeze between the thighs. Right.

Speaker 1 So you do not know. I crush it.
I crush it. Like right now, are your balls, is your cock and balls up above? No, no, no, no, no, no.
Austin, what are your cock and balls doing?

Speaker 1 One went above, one went below. See,

Speaker 1 one for me almost always goes down below. Really?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I always have one nut because I have one loose nut. Let's see it.
Let's see it. Let's see it.

Speaker 1 Let's see.

Speaker 1 So it went down below. No, that thing's way up high.

Speaker 1 You have one nut between your thigh?

Speaker 1 Both the sack is in between. Yeah.
I can show you now. Yeah, show him.
Turn and show me. Just me.
I don't want anybody else. Close your eyes.
Yeah, close your eyes, Adam.

Speaker 1 Right, so your cock is up above, but your balls are down below. It's crushed between the two foot.
Yeah, it's crushed. One of your nuts are your nuts are crushed.

Speaker 1 Show Adam your penis. He loves to see people.
I'd love to see your... Okay.
I'd love to see your penis. Show him.
Yeah. Well, cross your legs.

Speaker 1 Cross your legs and show him. Show him with your legs crossed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't want to see your asshole. No, show him with your legs crossed, like a professional.
I don't know how to show it. Cross your legs.

Speaker 1 Cross your legs like a professional. And now show him.
Watch the show at this point. Yeah.
No, show him your little penis. Show him your fun little penis.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I've seen your penis, I think, a dozen times. So, yeah, it's like,

Speaker 1 yeah, who hasn't? Who has it? Fuck you, dude.

Speaker 1 it is fun. I, I had my penis out in the movie Game Overman.
My penis. It was your real dick, right? That one was my real dick.
That's so cool. And

Speaker 1 that's fun to have your cock out there. So it's out there.
So, because I was like, I don't really care.

Speaker 1 And then I did the movie Jexy, and it's like this. Or the phone.
The phone movie. And they're like, we're going to, I had to like take nude photos.

Speaker 1 And I was going to, it was going to send it to everybody. It was going to come up on people's phones.
And I'm like, do you want me to do my dick? I just did it in a movie.

Speaker 1 It's kind of weird if I do it again. And they're like, We have a cock double.
Don't worry about it. We'll just use their cock.
And I'm like, Okay,

Speaker 1 a way worse cock.

Speaker 1 Winnie got it like a much worse cock. Ugly cock? You mean ugly? What was wrong with it? It was small, and it also wasn't that good looking.
It was like gray, but that's comedy, right?

Speaker 1 Isn't that part of the comedy? It wasn't like, it wasn't so bad that it's comedy. Sure.
It was just like a little worse. Like Ken Jong's penis and hangover.
Whoa.

Speaker 1 It was one of those moments where I was like, this is so funny, but also it's real. So I got sad afterwards.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to me, it was like, it made me like Ken Jong even more. Dying.

Speaker 1 I was like, sad.

Speaker 1 He betrayed our people.

Speaker 1 Well, he just... He betrayed our people.
It just perpetuated a narrative that everyone shared. It's a shame that will never wash away.
Can we look up Adam Devine's cock in Game Over, man?

Speaker 1 Because I'd love to see your cock.

Speaker 1 There's a gif now that is just my cock flapping back and forth. So that's cool.
People send that to me. See, that's from Jexy.
That's

Speaker 1 the, yeah, that's Jexy. The other one is,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 But it looks like they've covered it. Well, there's got to be an uncensored.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me ask you.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you guys a question real quick? Please. Let's say A24 is doing a movie, right? And it's like Broke Back Martin 2.

Speaker 1 Right? It's me, you, and Andrew. It's Broke Back Martin?

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 Steve Martin's. Steve Martin.
Yeah. It's me.
Martin Lawrence, all the Martins. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's my asshole. Like, my literal literal asshole.

Speaker 1 It's on a website called leaked meat.com. Leaked meat.
Yeah, yeah. Nice.
There it is.

Speaker 1 And there was a scene in this movie, broke.

Speaker 1 Go down a little bit. Let's see.
Broke back Martin.

Speaker 1 There's your dick, dude, right there. There's your dick right there.
Catch it some air.

Speaker 1 There it is. Yeah, there it is.
That's pretty good. Yeah.
It's not big.

Speaker 1 It's a nice regular copy. It's a very regular sized dick.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Anyway, all right, everyone, do us a favor. Adam Devine is one of my oldest oldest and dearest friends, and

Speaker 1 he has a movie out that you have to watch on Netflix. So please go watch that.

Speaker 1 It would really mean a lot to us. Thank you.
It's called The Outlaws. And we love you.
And if we do a little secret show in here, you better do it. I promise.
Yep. Promise.

Speaker 1 That was so fun to have you on, buddy. Love you, buddy.
Awesome, guys. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thank you for having me, man. Adren.

Speaker 1 That was fun. So great.