Bobby Lama

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Speaker 1 Hey, Ben

Speaker 2 Friends! This week, we're going to be in Spokane. Spokane, Seattle, Portland,

Speaker 2 Phoenix, Arizona. Come out and see us, you guys.

Speaker 2 Those are the dates that we're doing until we take a little baby break, come back, and then we'll be back out on the road doing Florida and the rest of the dates.

Speaker 2 So for now, go see us at Spokane, Seattle, Portland, and Phoenix, Arizona.

Speaker 2 Because we love giving you hugs and

Speaker 2 kisses. Great shows.
Badfriendspod.com. Badfriendspod.com for those tickets.
We love you. Come see us.

Speaker 2 You two are bad friends. Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 3 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 3 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends.

Speaker 2 I mean, there's certain sensitivities, you know, that you have. That's very unusual.

Speaker 2 Hey, pot, I'm kettle. Good to meet you.

Speaker 2 Good to meet you, pot. I'm the pot.
No, I'm pot. I don't even know what that means.
The pot calling the kettle black? There it is. Yeah, I don't know what never, I don't even know what that meant.

Speaker 2 When I said, hey, pot, I'm kettle. Saying this is the pot calling the kettle black.
But not all pots are black. Sure, they are.
No, my pot's silver,

Speaker 2 stainless steel at home. Hey, doesn't make any sense.
Pots are all

Speaker 2 black pot lives matter. Okay, I understand that.
That's right. That I understand.
We're back in the studio.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 We're back in the studio. Back in the studio.
Welcome back. We were taking a little baby break from tour.
We just came home. We just came home from kiss everybody.

Speaker 2 And even who we want to kiss the most on the mouth, ladies and gentlemen, it is the return of Fancy B. Fancy B.
We haven't seen you in so long.

Speaker 2 Are you going to be missing me? Have we been missing you?

Speaker 2 Some of the fans have missed you a little bit. We had a shout out.
Have we missed you? Have we missed you? That's a very good question.

Speaker 2 We.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 Have you missed Fancy?

Speaker 3 When I saw him today, I realized how much I missed him.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's like one of those. Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know what you got till it's gone?

Speaker 2 It's like when you watch a movie they haven't seen a long time ago, you know, I should have seen this movie sooner. But you know, when you watch that movie and you go, it's okay that I didn't see it.

Speaker 2 That too. Yeah, it's fine.

Speaker 2 It doesn't mean anything when you re-watch it.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, it's like, if you haven't seen, it's like, imagine when you're like, you know what? I haven't seen, I haven't re-watched The Godfather in years.
I haven't either.

Speaker 2 And you re-watch it and you go, that's okay. Yeah, yeah.
That's okay. It's good.
It's good. It's fun.
It's so good. No, no.

Speaker 3 Fantasy is more like The Matrix.

Speaker 2 No way. Why? Yeah, because

Speaker 3 you're like, wow, I forgot how good this was.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 no. The only reason you're saying that is because you were watching The Matrix on DVD on the bus.
Yeah, on on the bus. Yeah, it's really good.

Speaker 2 By the way, God, we have so much to talk about. So much.
It's unbelievable. What we do? Yeah, so much.
Well, first, I got a haircut. Show them.
Take off the hat. Can you show everybody at home?

Speaker 3 It's so good for those listening. Look at that.

Speaker 2 You got to see it. Look at the turn to the side so they can see the back a little bit.

Speaker 2 I want to change my name to Ricky. Ricky 2.
Ricky 2. Ladies and gentlemen, Ricky 2.
Also, I just tell you like this.

Speaker 2 How you doing? Is that your Ricky 2, boy? How you doing?

Speaker 2 What are you doing?

Speaker 2 That's the old days. You kind of do look like the old days a little bit.
Yeah, you went back in time. Oh my god, look at how old.
Look at how young.

Speaker 2 No, look at the fucking fourth one. No, on second world down.

Speaker 2 That one. Yeah, he's so young.
Wow. Wow.
Look at that. Young.
Young. And

Speaker 2 not that funny. You look young now.
Yeah. Thanks, man.
You look young and healthy right now.

Speaker 2 It's almost as if the stress of the tour hasn't gotten to you at all. But the tour wasn't so funny.

Speaker 2 It hasn't been. No, the tour was a good reprieve.
It's been a reprieve. It's been from the stress.
I think that's the wrong word, reprieve, but I do like it. Reprieve is not a good word?

Speaker 2 I don't think so. I don't think that's the word word.
What's reprieve, Miami?

Speaker 2 Reprieve. A reprieve is like,

Speaker 2 yeah, it's like a...

Speaker 2 To postpone, to cancel the punishment of someone from some. Yeah.
Yeah. Postpone some.

Speaker 2 Because my L.A. life is...
You know what I mean? What is it? It's a horror fest.

Speaker 2 Yeah, so when I go on, it's a reprieve. Oh, okay.
Well, then you

Speaker 2 said it right.

Speaker 2 The tour has been amazing. We've been living on a bus.

Speaker 2 Juicy has been sleeping in one of the coffins. Bobby's been sleeping in the coffins.
It's been really.

Speaker 2 Andrew gets the fancy room in the back. You better believe it.
Yeah, yeah, because I guess he's the guy. He's the guy.
Yeah, he's the main man. He's the guy.

Speaker 2 Well, when the bus pulls up, all the fans outside go, Santino, Sandy. Yeah.
And they shake the physical bus. It's insane.
Yeah,

Speaker 3 they go, hey, Bobby, where's Andrew?

Speaker 2 Where's Andrew? You've really heard that?

Speaker 2 Really? Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, I've never heard that. I never heard that chance.
Oh, you're sleeping. Yeah, yeah.
Also, we did have a guy, shout out to our friend in Charlotte.

Speaker 2 We said it was Charlotte, not Durham. Was it Charlotte? Poppichulo? Oh, no.

Speaker 3 Poppichulo, I think, was in Durham.

Speaker 2 Durham. No, it was in Durham.
Before we got to Charlotte. Oh, that's Poppichullo? There was a guy up in the balcony.
This is just to inflate Fancy B's huge Spanish head.

Speaker 2 There was a guy who said, where's Fancy B, yo? And we said, dude, he had a baby. He's not on the tour.
And I said, what's your name? He goes, Poppichulo in Durham, North Carolina.

Speaker 2 And I was like, what do you do? And he's he's like, I'm a DJ.

Speaker 2 He's the only Latin DJ in North Carolina. So

Speaker 2 we met a lot of you guys, and thank you guys so much for coming out. It was really interesting to see the variety of people.
Tons of different kinds of people. I mean, you got the little ones.

Speaker 2 Little, little, little ones. You got the big ones.
You know what I mean? We got the biggest. We got the jigglies.
What's a jiggly Jew?

Speaker 2 A Jew? What? I said the jiggly Jews.

Speaker 2 Yeah. You know, we got skinnies.
A lot of skinnies. So we got a variety of them.
We have different sects from different walks of life.

Speaker 2 We have different races, classes, socioeconomic statuses, heights, weights,

Speaker 2 sexualities. Yeah.
Two blind guys that came together. Yeah, a deaf guy with spinal bifida in his spine.
He was the best. Marcuse? Marcuse, yeah.
Shout out to Marcuse.

Speaker 2 Is that where spinal bifida is in the spine or somewhere else? I think it happens back there. Spinal bifida.
It's in the spine.

Speaker 2 It's in the spine. It's in the fucking words.
How mean would it be if it happened somewhere else? Spinal bifida.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if you had it on your shoulder, that'd be weird. It's my rotator cuff.

Speaker 2 Is that the spine? Spina bifida. It's spina, not spina.
Oh, not spinal. It's a birth defect in which an area of the spinal column doesn't form properly.
So why wouldn't they call it spinal bifida?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they should. You're right in this.
I know I am. Leave in the section of the spinal cord and spinal nerves exposed through an opening in the back.

Speaker 2 Spina bifida occurs in one in every 2,000 live births in the United States. Most common central nervous system birth defect.

Speaker 2 One in 2,000. That doesn't seem.
We could have got it.

Speaker 2 All of us. We could have fucking got it.
Oh my God. One in 2,000? Yeah, pretty common.
What else is Down syndrome? What's Down syndrome? One in what? What's the commonality of Down syndrome?

Speaker 2 Percentage. What do you think that, well, before he types to enter, what do you think it is? Down syndrome is one in what? I say one in 60,000.
I say one in 150.

Speaker 3 I was going to say one in four.

Speaker 2 Okay, each year, one in every 700 babies. Wow.
Wow. One in 700.
We could have had it. Each year, 6,000 babies born in the United States have Down syndrome.

Speaker 2 This means Down syndrome occurs one in every 700 babies. Wow.
Does that seem the odds? It seems more.

Speaker 2 I thought it'd be in the ⁇ I don't know. Maybe yeah.
Because you know when you're in the bathroom.

Speaker 4 They don't all make it.

Speaker 2 Whoa, how negative Nancy is. Wait, what? You know what two? They're a wet blanket.
What do you mean they're going to be a comedy show? This is a compliment.

Speaker 2 I'm saying make it to full term. Okay.
How do you know this? Well, he just had a baby.

Speaker 2 Right. Do you do all the genetic testing on your baby to find out the health? Yeah.
10 fingers, 10 toes type of thing.

Speaker 2 And then, so when you find out all this stuff, do they tell you any negatives whatsoever before the baby was born? Yeah. What was, is there something wrong with the baby at all?

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 2 That's why she's here. No, but I mean, is there anything that she has that they're like, well, this is a thing, but who knows? No? No.
Other than being your child. Right.

Speaker 2 But could they be wrong? Like, they do the genetic testing and then it comes out and then there's a bunch of that's some oops going on.

Speaker 4 That I don't know. Maybe.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine? I'd be so mad. Do you think his kid's going to be good looking when she's older? Like, do you think, what are the odds of his baby being good-looking?

Speaker 2 She's going to be like, I know what she's going to look like.

Speaker 2 A literary agent. A lid agent.
A lid agent. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What's that? Like a librarian. Like a library.
It's a nice way to sing a librarian. Yeah.
A lid agent. Don't get angry, dude.
Oh, you think she's going to be Kate Moss? There's no way, man.

Speaker 2 You think she's going to be Kate Moss? There's no way, man. Bobby could have used a more current reference, but Kate Moss.
Yeah, I don't know anything about it.

Speaker 2 Everyone listening right now doesn't know who that is. That's what you're talking about.

Speaker 2 That's your daughter, dude. There she is.
Hi.

Speaker 2 What's your kid's name

Speaker 2 the librarian perfect perfect yeah yeah hi welcome to bakersfield library i'm the librarian hi is um andreas your daughter

Speaker 2 yes fancy is my father wow well you know i'm bomb are you looking to check out a book or you can leave no

Speaker 2 like oh we worked together oh what did you do with my father he ran the boards

Speaker 2 he was very boring

Speaker 2 yeah I will tell you

Speaker 2 dude who doesn't know who Kate Moss look at how she is still I think young people don't know who Kate Moss is well give me a give me a modern-day supermodel.

Speaker 2 Brady's wife, Tom Brady's wife, ex-wife. Yeah, but you don't even know a name.

Speaker 2 Kate Moss was the easiest thing to do. I don't know the name right now because my brain is scrambled eggs.
But what is her name? What's Tom Brady's ex-wife? Giselle Bunchon. Oh, Giselle Bunchon.

Speaker 3 Well, I hope she's hot with a name like that.

Speaker 2 So, Jess,

Speaker 2 how have you been liking the tour?

Speaker 3 It's been amazing. I feel like

Speaker 3 on the bus, it feels like a sleepover every night with two of the funniest people working today.

Speaker 2 Who? Carlos and McCone?

Speaker 2 Oh, no. Easy setup.
Carlos is, oh, my God. He's just on my last nerve, huh? So you're done with Carlos? I mean, we still have to keep doing it with him, but man.

Speaker 4 I've heard something from Carlos.

Speaker 2 What did you say? What did he say?

Speaker 4 Said that

Speaker 4 Bobby kind of like yelled at him a couple times.

Speaker 2 Oh, I snapped. He's getting yelled at.
Yeah. He snapped a couple times.
He's getting yelled at. That's his job.
I hit him in the head.

Speaker 2 You

Speaker 2 were violent with him?

Speaker 2 One time. Oh, when he was in the way, I heard the story.

Speaker 2 You were trying to go to the bathroom. Bobby comes out every every day in his underwear, just his underwear.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And by the way, looking real fit these days, looking skinny because we're only eating once a day.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 Carlos was in the walkway. Now, the walkway on the bus, for people that don't know, have never been on this, it's extremely small.
It's maybe like a foot and a half wall to wall. It's not big.

Speaker 2 So you have to skinny through.

Speaker 2 And Carlos was standing there being a Carlos, staring at the microwave, which is weird. I don't know if he does that every day, but he was staring right at the microwave.

Speaker 2 And Bobby couldn't get through. He said, Excuse me, and he didn't move.
And and excuse me, and he didn't move, and I whacked him and he whacked him.

Speaker 2 I whacked him once. He smoked him.
Yeah, he hit him pretty hard. And Juicy was busy staring off into space because that's what she does most of the day.
And so nobody saw the crime.

Speaker 3 I did not. I didn't even know about this.

Speaker 3 Carlos has the only bunk that's on a second level, too, which I think is hilarious.

Speaker 3 We all get into our beds pretty easy.

Speaker 2 He has to like climb up.

Speaker 3 There's no ladder steps. It's like a bunk bed without any stairs.

Speaker 2 Does he let down his hair on the side? The rapunzel rapunzel you does he ever do you ever climb up his hair

Speaker 3 i see it hanging down but i'm not touching it

Speaker 2 and he's improved though i mean he before like in the beginning he was lazy yeah

Speaker 2 i mean

Speaker 2 yeah real lazy no but he's helping us out a lot but now he's killing it i love him he's not real 180 because remember in the beginning he was get he would get drunk Every day.

Speaker 2 And then he would say crazy things. Every day.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like he would scream. I know.
He would scream out crazy things. I'm going to get to say what he said.
He would scream out real crazy things.

Speaker 3 Crazy things. I feel like you were kind of like, say it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I would say it again.

Speaker 2 Say that crazy casual thing again. Right.
And he would say it.

Speaker 3 And then we'd all be like, why'd you say that?

Speaker 2 Why would you say that? And then we caught Carlos on his birthday night. We celebrated his birthday on the tour.
Nashville?

Speaker 2 In Nash Vegas. And I got to tell you, he got so tanked, he was crawling on the floor on the bus.

Speaker 3 I thought that was funny. Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was pretty funny. Almost got him fired.
Yeah. Almost got him fired.

Speaker 3 You kicked him a little bit.

Speaker 2 I kicked him as hard as I could. You saw him in the alleyway with a woman.
He was kissing some girl in an alley

Speaker 2 without any exaggeration. Yeah.
Against a dumpster, against a trash can, was pushing, not pushing, but the girl was leaning against trash, and he was kissing her. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So what does that say about him? Yeah, she was pretty, though.

Speaker 2 She was out of his lead.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Raya? I think Raya.
I think it was Raya. Yeah, he was.
It had to have been. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But he's been a good little boy helping us so much. It's been wonderful.
Can you we talk about

Speaker 2 your episode a little bit? You want to talk about my episode? I mean, your little episode. Let's talk about it.

Speaker 2 Well, what people don't realize is that Andrew,

Speaker 2 you know, you see him a movie star, TV star, handsome, golf,

Speaker 2 great stand-up, cheeseburger, Netflix, watch it, you know. Yeah.
He's got dynamic. Dave.
Confident. Dave.

Speaker 2 Great friend, great mentor.

Speaker 2 Royal Crackers also on Adult Swim and on HBO the next day.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then there's a side of him that people don't know is he gets depressed. Very.
Yeah, and he gets super sad. Yeah.
And he wants to see mom.

Speaker 2 Andrew has clinical depression and anxiety.

Speaker 2 So he's been diagnosed. He's got a tough brain.

Speaker 2 Sometimes he gets a little low. Yeah.
So one morning

Speaker 2 he wakes up. Him and Stacey, the tour manager, wake up around 8, 8.30.
7.30 every day. Yeah.
Me, Carlos, and McCone wake up at 2. Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. Every day.
That's right.

Speaker 3 I'm a wild card.

Speaker 2 You're sometimes in the morning. Well, I got up a couple times early.
Yeah. Because I didn't sleep.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But my point is, so one morning we're going to go to Dollywood. Dollywood, which is in Pigeon Forge, Tennessee.
Pigeon Forge. South of Knoxville.
We get around 2.

Speaker 2 Dollywood. You know, when you go to Dollywood, you scream it.
You scream in it. You wake up.
Dollywood. Let's fucking do it.
Let's go. So we.

Speaker 2 There you are on the Thunder. So happy.

Speaker 2 Zoom in. Zoom in.
Bobby got the fast pass. This could have been the best day of our life.

Speaker 2 I am so happy. I'm stoked.
But do you know why I have this face? Because of what Andrew pulled.

Speaker 2 This is after what Andrew pulled. That's right.
All right. So.
That's us in the beginning. That's us in the beginning.
Now zoom into my eyes. You can see something's going on.
Something's going on.

Speaker 2 From the beginning. He's tired.
He's about to snap. He's sad and tired.
Right. So we get there, and you know, me, McCone, and Carlos are like, we got to eat.
So we sit down in a restaurant and

Speaker 2 Andrew's kind of, and Stacey look at us and go, why don't we just not sit down and just grab something so we can just walk around and get the day started? That's right.

Speaker 2 And I go, no, man, we're eating at this restaurant. Say the rest.

Speaker 2 And then I go,

Speaker 2 you go do what you do. You go do your own thing and we'll do it.
For a while. You said, no.

Speaker 2 Verbatim. Let me say my part.
Let me say my piece so you can finish. I'll let you finish the story.
You said, you go like this, like this with arm signals.

Speaker 2 You go do your own thing and we'll do our thing. Okay, but time out.
Just say that that's verbatim.

Speaker 2 Exactly what I said. Okay.
But let's read between what I'm saying. No, no, no, no, no, no.
I knew it was bad when you said it.

Speaker 3 I wish we had a time machine at that moment.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. Keep going, Juice.
I like it. It was earth-shattering.
You go do your own thing and we'll do our thing.

Speaker 3 And then the look in your eyes was like a switch.

Speaker 3 And I was like, I hope I see him again.

Speaker 2 By the way, we got to get you better switch sounds. Let's hear it again.
That's pretty. That's not what they sound like.
That's not what it's like. It's more like.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I flipped. she flipped a switch.
All right. So, anyway,

Speaker 2 so I said, why don't you go do your own thing? What I meant was, while we're eating, go do your own thing. I'm sure a lot of people.
After we're done eating, we will regroup.

Speaker 2 You didn't say that, though.

Speaker 2 But that's what I meant. Well, see, this is the problem, though.

Speaker 2 When you say something, people are going to take it as you say it. So for you to go, but I was thinking it a different way, but that's not how you said it.
It's like Hitler. No.
Hitler.

Speaker 2 Well, Hitler, I know who he is, totally miscommunicated. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was like, let's go get these Jews. He was trying to gather them together to try to form like a crew with the Jews.
All these other guys, they heard, let's go get these Jews.

Speaker 2 So he may have meant something else, poor Hitler. It's when Gandalf, this is basically what Gandalf was like, I'm going to go to Gondor, but I'll meet back with you.
That's what I meant. Gondor

Speaker 2 Gandalf met back with the crew later. I've never seen Harry Potter.
It's not Harry Potter.

Speaker 2 Okay, so it's basically, I'm saying, you go on your little brief adventure, we'll do ours, and we will meet, and then as we will be the fellowship once again. So what did Andrew do?

Speaker 2 You left the whole fucking park. Well, for the listeners, I was having an episode, so I was very depressed.
We all have depression. By the way, nothing wrong with being depressed.

Speaker 2 If you have depression, this is okay. You have to deal with moments.
I had an episode. Bobby said something.
It triggered me. And instead of doing something rude or mean, I didn't overreact.

Speaker 2 I didn't yell. I didn't fight.
I did what my training is, which is I walked away. Instead of starting a fight or being rude, I walked away.
But think about this. Hold on, let me finish.

Speaker 2 I walked away politely. I didn't say a word.
I just walked away.

Speaker 2 Can I finish?

Speaker 2 I walked away, right? And so what I did was I called some other people in my life that I wanted to talk to. And I said, I'm going to go ride a few rides by myself.

Speaker 2 So I rode the Wild Eagle by myself, Thunderhead by myself.

Speaker 3 I wish you got pictures. I wish you got pictures.

Speaker 2 I should have gotten solo photos. No, but I rode with people next to me.
There was other singles. It was kind of nice.
And you get to go to the front when you ride single.

Speaker 2 By the way, pro tip, just go single, then you go to the front. So I rode on a couple of rides.
I walked around, had a few phone calls with people I wanted to talk to.

Speaker 2 And then I said, I think I'm good. And I got an Uber and then I went home.
So I did my little thing and I went home.

Speaker 2 Actually, that's not true. I took an Uber back to base camp.
There we go. Back to the bus.

Speaker 2 And I said, I can either go work out in the gym or i can go get shit faced at margaritaville and so i went to jimmy buffett's margaritaville yeah and i was wasted away again in margaritaville

Speaker 2 looking for my lost hypothesis yeah

Speaker 2 and i texted you 15 times that day yeah no not a return that's right side note too um while he was taking the uber He told the Uber drivers, right, what's the nearest airport?

Speaker 2 Well, here's what really is. Stop?

Speaker 2 Let me finish. Let me finish.
Okay.

Speaker 2 He tells the Uber driver, where's the nearest airport? We're like, oh, man, I don't know, 45 minutes, whatever.

Speaker 2 45 minutes away. Right.
So they drop him off. Hours later, we get the same Uber driver.
Yeah, because there's only one in Pitchin 421.

Speaker 2 And the boyfriend and girlfriend ride together. I thought the guy, when she pulled up in an SUV, there was a guy in the front seat, rolled down the window, and he says, what's up, man?

Speaker 2 And I go, oh, is it for Andrew? Yeah. And I go,

Speaker 2 are you getting out here? Thinking she's dropping off a ride.

Speaker 2 He goes, no, man, it's my baby girl. I got to stay with her to make sure she's safe.
Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay.
So I got in and then they just sat silently. So I googled, where's an airport?

Speaker 2 Because I thought, I'm close enough to Chicago. I could go see mom and dad.
I haven't seen my parents in a minute. So I said, how close? There was no flight, so I couldn't do it.

Speaker 2 But when they picked us up, they go, hey, man, your buddy asked where the airport is.

Speaker 2 In my head, I'm like, oh, fuck, he's leaving the door.

Speaker 2 It's canceled. What the fuck? Right? So it's like, why don't you keep your inside thoughts to yourself? No, I wanted to know.
I said, is an airport far from here?

Speaker 3 So then the. Yeah, they said your friend, we picked up your friend earlier, and I said, he was our friend.

Speaker 3 I was pretty mad at you.

Speaker 2 I felt abandoned. I felt abandoned too.
And then

Speaker 2 it got worse for me that night because he wouldn't talk. Then we went to Alamo.
Yeah, that was crazy. We walk into the restaurant.
There's a restaurant in Pigeon Fork. Steakhouse.

Speaker 2 Pigeon Forge, the steakhouse in Alamo Steakhouse. Alamo Steakhouse.
And the fucking

Speaker 2 host, who's like an older lady, looks up at me and she goes,

Speaker 2 Harold,

Speaker 2 white lady. But not in a funny way to get a response from her.
I forgot I need to Venmo her. That was really amazing.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then me and McCone looked at each other because I thought at first I just, you know, sometimes I feel like white people just, in my imagination, are being racist. Right.
But they're really not.

Speaker 2 No, but we really are. I know.
But I looked at, I know. But I looked at McCone, and he gave me a look, like, sort of like

Speaker 2 a little nod. Like, that just happened.
No, you know what the nod was? The nod was like, you know, when

Speaker 2 a security guy tells the guy at the death penalty to pull the switch. Yeah, I hit it.
It's that nod. Gone.
It was like one of those nods, right?

Speaker 2 So he gave me a nod to go, ape shit.

Speaker 2 Right. But I didn't.
You did not? We ate, right? And then a couple of people recognized me from the restaurant, and then the lady seemed to feel, I kept looking at her

Speaker 3 like this. Bobby, look at her like this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but it was the most bold, race, racial thing I've experienced in years. But the reason she has to do that is because there is no funny way to say goodbye.

Speaker 2 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Well, hero is funny, but if she tried to be like, good-bye, it wouldn't work. Yeah, it's not like a lot of people.
It's not the same. Right.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're right. You're right.

Speaker 2 But by the way, for everyone out there that does want to make a racist sentiment towards somebody like Bobby, when you say hero and he leaves, say hero again when he takes off.

Speaker 2 Just let it land twice. Or she could do a bow and go, bye-bye.
Adios. Adios.
Or something, right? But it was like blatantly. But you know what? The food was okay.

Speaker 2 And then I didn't see you until the next day. The next morning.

Speaker 2 So I went out to Margarita Ville and got tanked

Speaker 2 and met up with some people next to me and just talked, had a nice afternoon, watched the basketball game, which is what I wanted to do. I wanted to watch NBA playoffs.
And Stacey came.

Speaker 2 Stacey said, can I come and have a drink with you? Because she wanted to say hi. I said, yeah, of course.
She said, can anybody else come? And I said, absolutely no.

Speaker 3 And you know who was asking?

Speaker 2 Yeah. You were.
I was.

Speaker 2 I really wanted to go. And I said, no, thank you.

Speaker 2 I don't want to see anybody today. I needed a day.
Cramping up on a bus, by the way, for people that don't know, it's anxiety-inducing.

Speaker 2 You're on a bus all day, all night with people, and it's constant. So two weeks straight, it's all you're seeing is the same people.
So it was just like a breaking point.

Speaker 2 And also, you know, I was a little like, I had some stuff in my mind and I was heavy with some shit. So I just wanted to take a break and I got drunk and then Stacey and I went and we played.

Speaker 2 We went to an arcade and it was closed and they let us play for like two hours and we were throwing the things at the clowns and we played.

Speaker 2 We played Jurassic Park with the old guns. We had so much fun.
So nice. And we drove a cruising USA or whatever, whatever the new one is.
So we partied. Then I got back to the bus.

Speaker 2 Slept like a baby. The next morning,

Speaker 2 we said hello very calmly. I didn't even know you were mad at me.
I wasn't mad. I didn't even know why you behaved the way you did.
But this is a correction.

Speaker 2 We're talking about live on air. I wasn't mad, but I needed to take some space, so I did.
Okay, but I, but that was okay. That's fine.
And then how do we rectify it?

Speaker 2 For people that want to know the truth about why Bob and I are very, very, very, very, very best friends. Truly.
On stage that night, we didn't talk about it. All day.

Speaker 2 We just went about our day.

Speaker 2 And then on stage, somebody asked something in the Q ⁇ A. Somebody said something to the effect of

Speaker 2 who's a better stand-up or who's funnier or who's a whatever. And they were inciting Bobby to say something funny and take a shot at me.
But instead, Bobby says, why would I say that about Andrew?

Speaker 2 He's my best friend. I love him.
And I gave him a big hug and a kiss. And we both knew it's all good.

Speaker 2 Harold.

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Speaker 2 The shows blend together. Like, I don't know what.
We hit so many cities. We hit a lot of people.
You don't remember them.

Speaker 2 I thought Nashville was a great one. Dude, we played the rhyming at the Grand Old Operas.

Speaker 2 Awesome. Oh, unbelievable.

Speaker 2 That was cool. Everyone came out.
We made up a song about Kid Rock that night. We shouted out Kid Rock.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 We also, you know, there were some, we had some really, really good nights, some really fun. You guys missed.
You guys didn't go to Graceland, which is insane to me. I went.

Speaker 2 I was there the whole time. They, they, they, they didn't go.

Speaker 2 I slept. I can't believe you didn't want to see Elvis' crib, dude.
You saw, they showed you the toilet that he died on.

Speaker 2 And there is a guy on there who reenacts it. Did he really die on a toilet? You press a button and a guy, kind of like a dunk tank, you know, at the clown.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You press a button and he has a peanut butter and banana sandwich and he

Speaker 2 and he peels over. And he falls in the exact way that Elvis fell.
Was he on drugs? I mean, I don't know exactly how he was.

Speaker 2 Yeah. He was on drugs.
He had like 850 pounds of shit inside of him or something like that. Oh, that's

Speaker 2 right. No, look it up, though.
He had like tons and tons of red meat like jammed and jarred in his body or something weird like that.

Speaker 2 They they when they presented on tour we had a private tour this young girl gave us a private tour which is awesome. Yeah.
But they paint it in such a different picture.

Speaker 2 They're like, well Elvis took a sleeping pill.

Speaker 2 No, really? He needed it. He needed it.
He needed it. Because he was just, he was going and going and going and going.

Speaker 3 For the people. He was just a man of the world.

Speaker 2 He was fully for the people. Priestley was found unresponsive, Grace, and his then fiancé Ginger Aiden found Presley lying unconscious on the floor of the master suite bathroom.

Speaker 2 He was rushed to the hospital, pronounced that. Yeah, they don't paint it that way.
They actually painted that he was one pill.

Speaker 3 They gave him the pills because he was serving our country.

Speaker 2 Because he was serving the country, the great nation. Wow.
So they say the way they say it is what happened was he was taking pills to go to sleep, but he was also taking pills to stay on wank.

Speaker 2 Right. And so he was taking all those pills.

Speaker 2 Toxicology report: Elvis' blood was found to have extremely high levels of opiates, diloted, perciden, dermerol, codeine, and qualutes. Yeah, this wasn't him.
This guy was a fucking walking pharmacy.

Speaker 2 Holy shit. By the way, they have a pharmacy where the the barn is now.
I mean, when you have money and you're on drugs, it sucks. Well, I mean, it's convenient.

Speaker 2 No, no, because I remember when I was on bad TV and I relapsed. And, you know, we made $4,000 a week on that show, which is for a broke comedian,

Speaker 2 amazing. Phenomenal money for regular people.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for regular people. But I remember six months in, I asked Ari Shafir for money.
You did? Yeah, because I had no money. I used it all on drugs.
Wow. Jesus.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Did you have to, like, how, you know, somebody told me in Mulaney's new special, he had said that he told his business manager, don't give me, don't let me withdraw cash from the account.

Speaker 2 And he said, which is a terrible idea for a drug addict, because then you're going to find a different way to get money. Yeah.
Because he's like, this will cut off my access.

Speaker 2 But of course, he would buy a Rolex on a credit card for like $12,000 and then sell it for like six at a pawn shop. Wow.

Speaker 2 So just lose six grand just so he could have six grand cash or whatever to go spend on it. It's insane.
Yeah, you do stuff like that.

Speaker 2 Well, that's what, that's what, but, but elvis didn't need to yeah he didn't need to do that no he just went go get me some more delot

Speaker 2 right go get me some more percussots baby it's probably easier to get back then a hunk a hunk a delotted love

Speaker 2 anyway shout out to the king but honestly we took the tour and it it was it was

Speaker 2 so sad because the house was cool at the beginning yeah the way it was decorated was cool it was cool then you go through it and then you start to realize this is so weird and sad it's someone's house it's a dead guy's house and they kept everything.

Speaker 2 Everything. Dude,

Speaker 2 it's exactly the way they did. I saw the photos.
Yeah. They showed me the photos, and it looked great.
Yeah. Like each room was like stylistic.
Beautiful. Beautiful.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But unfortunately, at the very end, they show you like his last place. He played, I guess he couldn't go to bed because he was juiced up out of his mind when he got home from a dentist appointment.

Speaker 2 He went and got a dentist appointment at 10.30 at night because that's the only time he would go so people wouldn't bug him. So he goes to a dentist.
He comes home.

Speaker 2 There's one photo that's on the internet that was taken by a fan, his last remaining photo. And he's driving through his gates at Graceline, he's like waving them.

Speaker 2 They must have been there at two in the morning. He goes, he can't sleep.
He calls one of his buddies, says, come play racquetball. Yeah.
She's a racquetball court.

Speaker 2 Yeah. In the back of his house.
By the way, the racquetball court cost him 200 grand. The house only cost him like 140 grand.
He paid more for the racquetball court. That's it right there.

Speaker 2 That's the last remaining photo right there. His last photo of Elvis.
No, no, the second one. Sorry.
The second one. Right there.
That's that number two that you see right there.

Speaker 2 That's the last photo. The last photo of him alive.
So he was pulling into the gates. He goes and plays racquetball with his buddy.

Speaker 2 sits down, plays piano. They have the piano, the last thing he played, and they play it through the speakers when you walk through the racket ball court.

Speaker 2 And he plays that, says goodbye to his friend, goes into the house.

Speaker 2 Takes a shit.

Speaker 3 I think the dentist did it.

Speaker 2 See, this is good. It was the dentist

Speaker 2 in the shitter. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
With a

Speaker 2 maybe he should have been in L.A.

Speaker 2 Maybe he would have lived. How? Where's my yoga mat?

Speaker 2 Downward dog.

Speaker 2 Downward dog.

Speaker 2 Wheatgrass. Wheatgrass.
Right. And, you know, I mean, I think it would be more new age-y.
Could somebody get me a ginger shop?

Speaker 2 Don't you think that he would live? Maybe? You think if he lived in a healthier. You know what? I'm not going to lie.
Well, you're because we've been out there.

Speaker 2 You're out there. Yeah, we've been out there.
You're in the woods. You're in the woods.
Not only that, you're very correct. The food?

Speaker 2 It's a fried Twinkie.

Speaker 2 They told you what he showed us his kitchen. He was the first person person in

Speaker 3 the country.

Speaker 2 No, no, no. The first person in the state of Tennessee to have a microwave at the time.

Speaker 2 What did the microwave cost? It was like five grand. It was something hilarious.
It was insane. Dude, it was hilarious.
And it was the size of this desk.

Speaker 2 Wow, wow. It was huge.
And so then they said his favorite meals were all deep fried. He never not ate deep fried shit.
Yeah, that's right. Every night he was like, I know you're right.

Speaker 2 I'm agreeing with you. With Dilad, with Dilada.
With Dilada.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Here's how you knew the diets were bad juicy and i tried to look up somewhere to go get a snack and so there was a health food place up the street yeah but every meal was served with ranch

Speaker 2 every meal yeah even the smoothie smoothie had ranch on it yeah yeah they give you a little ranch shot a little sidecar ranch when you get a smoothie yeah so you could tell it was really bad and also graceland the neighborhood yikes Yeah, I remember the guy at the sound stage was like, Lenny, he was like, Lenny, yeah, oh, you guys are thinking about leaving the park.

Speaker 2 Y'all gonna leave Graceland? And we were like, we're just gonna take a walk up the street. And he's like, I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 I swear to God, I swear to God.

Speaker 2 And we're like, it's a half a mile up the road. It's just by the CVS.

Speaker 2 And he goes, well, I guess it is daytime.

Speaker 2 No, really? Verbatim. I was scared.
Yeah, I thought someone was gone. She held on to my shirt the whole time.
Yeah. And I was like, you don't have to hold on to my shirt.

Speaker 2 We're walking right next to each other. Yeah.
It was cute. It was cute.

Speaker 2 Also, what was it? Was it a pigeon fork when we went to the Trump? Pigeon Forge. Pigeon Forge.
I'm going to call it Pigeon Fork for the rest of the day. I agree with you.

Speaker 2 I think it should be called that.

Speaker 2 I'm going to call it Pigeon Forge. So a Pigeon Fork had a Trump store that was probably like 5,000 square feet of all Trump gifts.
You went to the store. It was closed.

Speaker 2 So, we went to a t-shirt shop that had Trump stuff, too.

Speaker 3 Remember, that's why I thought it was the Trump store because they had so much Trump stuff.

Speaker 2 They had a lot of Trump. But did you notice on all, we went to a couple of stores, they're all owned by minorities.
Yeah, I noticed that too. Like black people.

Speaker 2 The Trump store was owned by a black guy. I went there before you guys got to go there.
Wow. The black guy was in there.
Yeah. No problem.

Speaker 2 I swear to God. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah. And also, the reason that we got attracted to it or even noticed it was because we were at breakfast, Stacey and I, and she goes, look at that guy's shirt.

Speaker 2 And this guy was wearing,

Speaker 2 it didn't look like a shirt. It looked like a cape, a Confederate flag, half Confederate flag, half American flag, cape.

Speaker 2 That's what the black guy was wearing? No, it was a white guy on the street.

Speaker 2 And I looked at it, and I was like,

Speaker 2 where the fuck is that from? And then she's like, there's a Trump store right there. And I was like, no shit.
What was the black guy dressed like?

Speaker 2 Well, he didn't have any clothes on.

Speaker 2 he was like, I ain't wearing this shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, he would, honestly, it was really kind of he was just a t-shirt and jeans.

Speaker 2 But I, it, a piece of me thought, does he own this store or does he work in here? But then I thought, he must own this because he wouldn't want to take this job if he,

Speaker 2 I don't know, man. But he, but he probably wears like a red, white, and blue like button-up.
But there's completely different. Underneath it's like BLM.
Yeah, he has a BLM for a t-shirt.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's probably like a closeted, you know what I mean? Closeted BLMer. Yeah, but he has to wear the car.
Let me say this.

Speaker 2 All joking aside, the South was filled with wonderful, wonderful people, amazing fans, people that we loved. And it was awesome to see everyone.
It was amazing, dude. Also,

Speaker 2 something I want to say that's when we were in Dollywood, you know, 15 years ago, man, if I went to Dollywood, man, they wouldn't have let you in.

Speaker 2 Back then, you couldn't bring an A. Yeah, he was in.
Bobby got recognized so much. But it was like the love that I felt in Dollywood.
I was like, oh, we're reaching

Speaker 2 everywhere.

Speaker 3 People would come in on the roller coaster. You know, the cart comes in, and we're waiting next to get on.
And they'd pull up like, and they'd see Bobby.

Speaker 2 That's awesome. It was great.
I was just like, wow, the power of our show. This is how you know we're in a good place.
The cop, when we walked in, was like, oh, I remember that.

Speaker 2 You guys love bad friends, man. Oh, yeah.
Right when we walked in, we took a picture with the cop. And he goes, whatever you guys need.
I love when they say that.

Speaker 2 Well, when he said that, I got nervous. I didn't like that.

Speaker 2 I didn't like it.

Speaker 2 No, it was, we had a really good time down there in the South and also in the great Midwest. Detroit showed up like crazy.

Speaker 2 The craziest thing we're not even saying, we're forgetting so much because there's so much that happened.

Speaker 2 A dude got engaged.

Speaker 2 A dude proposed to his wife in Atlanta. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 A guy at the second show in Atlanta came up to Carlos and says, Hey, can I propose to my wife? And Carlos was like, Are you full of shit?

Speaker 2 Because sometimes you have people that are full of shit that just want to get on stage, like the surgeon. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Didn't you want her to say no? I'm so bad. I so badly wanted it.
Dude, I would have been in your face of that guy. It'd have been so funny.

Speaker 2 In your fucking face.

Speaker 2 Loser. Like, I would have

Speaker 2 been crazy, dude.

Speaker 2 He bent down on one knee and he was shaking, visibly shaking so much. I mean, like this, like trembling, his hands.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he pulled up the ring and she was bawling. And it was nuts.
She got married. They got engaged at a bad friend.
She was beautiful. Is she saying? Yeah, it's because of the pressure of the crowd.

Speaker 2 Probably. Yeah, that's why he did it.
And he looked in the car ride. He's like, I was just joking, you know.
And he's like, well, baby,

Speaker 2 I love you. She's like, I like you just fine.
But don't do do that at Bad Friends. It's funny that people, because we would have people come on the stage and they would get nervous a little bit.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
I found that to be cute. It was cute.
We had a couple of weird instances. Somebody brought their kid twice.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Somebody brought like a 14-year-old boy, which was like, that's a little young. Yeah.
11-year-old girls. An 11-year-old girl.
Her dad came to the show. It was so weird.
It was very weird.

Speaker 2 Oh, I could also say, did you guys know? But thanks for being fans. Yeah, yeah.
I should say. We also learned that if you show the inside of your asshole,

Speaker 2 it's a $10,000 fine. Did you know that, Fancy? Are you broke?

Speaker 2 We had to beg.

Speaker 2 So Atlanta.

Speaker 3 Andrew was wearing the shirt of a woman.

Speaker 2 A woman?

Speaker 2 I made Bobby take his shirt off and give it away one show.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. That was fun.

Speaker 2 His favorite shirt. His favorite shirt.
He loves that. I was in the worst mood after that.
I know. Remember that? And then a girl,

Speaker 2 a woman who is well endowed. That's a nice way of saying it.

Speaker 3 In her chest.

Speaker 2 In her chest.

Speaker 2 Thank you for the clarification.

Speaker 2 Said, I want your shirt, Andrew. And I said, well, get up here.
And I take off my shirt, only to be fair to Bobby. And she goes, you gots to wear my shit.

Speaker 2 And I was like, your tits are way bigger than mine. And she goes, too bad.
So I switch shirts, but it's a crop top, right? So I'm wearing a crop top to end the show.

Speaker 3 It fits you snug.

Speaker 2 But it fits me super snug. And then so the show ends.
I don't have a shirt. We're backstage saying hi to some people.

Speaker 2 The tour manager, Stacey, calls us into the office, like the principal's office. Oh my god, it was fine.
And Bobby and I, like children with our tails tucked between our legs, go to apologize.

Speaker 2 I don't even know what I did at that point. Bobby is begging for forgiveness for showing the inside of his asshole.
I'm wearing a woman's crop top glitter t-shirt with a turtleneck.

Speaker 3 With a turtleneck.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I go to the guy,

Speaker 2 the manager, or whatever, right? Yeah. Yeah.
And I go, I didn't, I didn't know that you couldn't show the inside of your asshole. And he looks at me and goes, you knew.

Speaker 2 And I go, okay, I did know.

Speaker 3 You go, I didn't, I thought you said, don't show penis. I didn't know penis and butthole were the same thing.
And he goes, they're the same thing. And then we all wanted to make a joke so bad.

Speaker 2 So bad. Well, because fundamentally, no, they're not.
They're not the same. They're absolutely not the same.

Speaker 2 A penis and a butthole are not the same thing. One of them poops and the other one is your butthole.
Okay?

Speaker 2 Yeah. It was so obviously that this is not the same thing.
And when he said that, all of us looked around like, don't do it.

Speaker 2 $10,000. We had to beg this guy.

Speaker 2 And thank you to him. I do thank you.
Because he was like, I'm going to clip you guys $10,000. And we were like, please, please don't do that because we're going to do this a lot more on the door.

Speaker 2 Oh, so ass is okay.

Speaker 2 Is

Speaker 2 10 grand. 10 grand.
That's insane to me. That's more than any prostitute.

Speaker 3 Bobby goes, I don't understand. I've been completely naked climbing up walls and comedy clubs across the country.

Speaker 2 Did I say that? Yeah.

Speaker 2 We did the math backstage. You would be the most expensive escort in Cat Land.

Speaker 2 10 grand for your just to show your butthole but it's not even my fault it's your fault yes it was yes it was you tell people to bobby's gonna show with the butthole i don't say everyone goes yay i do it 10 grand i you i this is how i do it i say you guys love bobby

Speaker 2 you love bobby's butt yeah you want to see it

Speaker 2 you want to really see it yeah bob give them what they want and you don't have to spread it but you do you spread it let me ask you as a comedian as a comedian though, let me.

Speaker 2 No, don't let as a comedian. Of course, the butthole's funny.
You have to show the hole. You have to show the hole.
The hole's funny. Yes.

Speaker 3 Chuckle. Chuckle.
You wore underwear with your butthole imprinted on it.

Speaker 2 This is smart. I never thought of that.
This is very smart.

Speaker 2 Right? We could do that. Yeah.
We could do that. You could sell those.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 I bet everyone would want to wear your butthole.

Speaker 2 And then we had a fun night. Let me talk about one more night before we get into anything else.
We had a wild night in Louisville.

Speaker 3 Louisville, Kentucky. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 What happened? There was no food. Right? Yeah, yeah.
So we go traipsing around trying to find something. There was one place.

Speaker 2 Well, hold on. And we're going to get there.
I don't remember. We go to TGI Fridays.
Oh, yeah, I remember. I remember.
I remember. We've never, none of us have.
I've never been to a TGI Fridays.

Speaker 2 I've been to a Chili. I've never been to one to either.
I've never been to one. I've been.
Yeah, we know.

Speaker 2 We know. We know Chandler, Arizona, or whatever.

Speaker 2 I remember. So Bob and I said, well, it's the only thing open.
I've actually never been to one. I've been been told.
So how do I order? Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 3 Also, it's Carlos's birthday.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Carlos's birthday. Also, when I order, how do I order? This is how Bobby orders.
Hi, how are you? I'm good. So on the appetizer front, for the table, we'll take everything you guys have.

Speaker 3 You know, Mickey Mouse in that, what's Fantasia? Yeah. When he's waving the magic wand and everything comes to life.
That's how Bobby orders.

Speaker 2 Hey, 100%. Without any semblance of exaggeration.
Whether it's a steakhouse or TGX. Why do I do that? Because this is your drug and you can't use drugs anymore.
That's not why. That's what you said.

Speaker 2 That's what you said, though. I know, that's what I said, but that's not why.
You do, you said, I'm a drug addict and I can't use drugs. That's not why.
That's not why. That's not why.
That's not why.

Speaker 2 That's what you said. No, no.
I'll tell you why. Why? Because I've never been there before, so some of it's not good.
You got to try all. True, true.

Speaker 2 So if you get six of them, if four of them are bad, you leave the four, you eat the two. Right.
Right. So that's why I do it.

Speaker 2 The odds of getting a good appetizer versus a bad one, it's kind of like what we showed our down center mods before.

Speaker 2 It's one in, you know, it's one in a couple thousand. One in 700 appetizers

Speaker 2 might not be.

Speaker 2 Stop it.

Speaker 3 But not at TGR Fridays.

Speaker 2 So TGI Fridays.

Speaker 2 We order, Bobby orders dumplings. Crazy.
No, I. I like the dumplings.
You order the dumplings. Gross.
I didn't want them. Chips and salsa, chips and guac.

Speaker 2 French fries. French fries, mozzarella sticks.
No, pretzel sticks. Pretzel bread.
Anyway, 15 things before we even get to the meal.

Speaker 2 The young woman that's working there, and this is no shit on anybody that's working there. They were all very nice and polite.
They bring the chips over. We start to snack.

Speaker 2 The chips are right next to me. Now I hear.

Speaker 2 And it's not me farting. And I thought it was him farting.
It wasn't me farting. Yeah.
And I hear,

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 you look at me and I slowly go, yeah, I hear it too. I go, am I crazy? I looked at your hands because I go, are you moving something on the table? And you go,

Speaker 2 what is that? And I go, what the fuck? I lift up the chip basket, and underneath the chips is a

Speaker 2 huge living fly.

Speaker 2 It was this, I'm not kidding. It was big, it was huge, fucking

Speaker 2 huge. Yeah, and it was on its side going,

Speaker 2 kill me, kill me. No, it was basically, I ate some of the chips, right? I'm taking a nap.
You know what I mean? I'm supposed to be in the guacamole. Yeah.
So we immediately go, oh, fuck this shit.

Speaker 2 I'm not eating. This is insane.
It just turns off every meal. Oh, come on.
I don't want to eat. I go, we got to get out of here.

Speaker 2 This is, I'm not, if that's there, if that's in the chips, what's in the food? What's in the burger? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, you don't even see what goes in there.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So we say to the woman politely, I think we're going to pay for what we've got and then leave. And she was like, oh, yeah.
And we were like, there's a fly here. And we show them.
They see it.

Speaker 2 And the manager, too. The manager sees it.
There's a fly. He's like, all right, we'll pay up.
He made us fight.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 2 We didn't just pay for the appetizers. We paid for the meal we ordered.
The meal hasn't even come yet.

Speaker 2 We paid for the whole fucking thing. Bobby paid $126 for TJ Fridays.
Oh, my God. And we walked out.
So then we said, what's going to be open? This is, okay, this is going to make me so mad. Love it.

Speaker 2 So nothing is open. This is this story.
I remember this story.

Speaker 2 The cop, as we're walking south, we see that there's a McDonald's. I said, let's go to McDonald's.

Speaker 2 Bobby walks at the pace of an 84-year-old with a walker.

Speaker 2 Without tennis balls.

Speaker 3 But you walk like you're a skiing.

Speaker 2 I walk like a kid from, I walk like a guy with a destination. I want to get there.
There's like a metal involved with you. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I mean, you got to get get the gold. You know what I wanted? Yeah.
Golden fucking arches. But what happens? I got to the window and the walk-up window was open.

Speaker 2 And when I got there, he goes, we're closed. I go, well, can I put an order right now? And he goes, you got to do it right now.
And I go, you guys, you guys. And I'm yelling.
I'm calling you guys.

Speaker 2 You guys, we got to order now. We ran.
They started running. And then the manager comes out and he goes, too late.
And closed the window. And now I'm like, damn.
You fucking turtles.

Speaker 2 If you could have just been a rabbit today. That's not it.
But then I said, fuck it. There's Taco Bell.
Let's just put something in our body because we hadn't eaten all day.

Speaker 2 We walk to Taco Bell, drive-through only. The inside is closed.
And Bobby goes, the fucking inside is closed. Fuck this.
He throws a tantrum and walks away. And I go, just wait.

Speaker 2 We'll ask someone in a car to get us to pay for this. No, I saw the guy.

Speaker 3 Well, then the guy pulled out.

Speaker 2 The guy pulled up after you freaked out. As you were freaking out, there was a plane going over.
And I go, just wait, just wait. And Jetsky, like a child, mom and dad are fighting.

Speaker 2 And she's just like, I don't know who to to go with. And I said, well, get out of here.
I'm going to wait to eat. A guy pulls up.

Speaker 3 No, you did it. You said, order something.
And I said, I will go with Bobby.

Speaker 2 You'll go with Bobby, right? Yeah. Stupid girl.

Speaker 2 Well, it ended up being fine.

Speaker 2 So then,

Speaker 2 the guy pulls up in a scooter.

Speaker 2 It was dying.

Speaker 2 As it pulled up.

Speaker 3 Polly would say, he's crusty, bro.

Speaker 2 And I said, hey, man.

Speaker 2 I'd like to get something to eat. Can I put my order with your order? And he goes, uh, okay.

Speaker 2 And I said, I'll just buy your taco. I'll just buy your Taco Bell.
I was going to buy. And he goes, I was fixing to order me about 20 tacos.

Speaker 2 It was going to be six. And I was like,

Speaker 2 you were going to order 20 tacos.

Speaker 2 And he goes, Yeah, I was fixing to get me about 20. And I was like,

Speaker 2 order 20 fucking tacos. He orders the 20 tacos.
Me and Carlos get our two tacos or whatever. We pull up to the window.
I pay. Taco Bell, by the way, 20, 24 tacos.
For those that want to know,

Speaker 2 $19.

Speaker 2 I swear to God. So I was like, okay, didn't break the bank.
So we pay, and we're walking back, and we're eating. And Bobby and Jetsky walked away without having Taco Bell.

Speaker 2 Instead, door dashed White Castle at four in the morning. Yep.
And had some sliders. So it worked out.

Speaker 2 It wasn't because of the, I hadn't eaten all day. Okay.
I had other things on my mind. So

Speaker 2 what happened was a Dollywood to you. You had a little Dollywood then.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he did have a Dollywood, but I went with him.

Speaker 2 That's right, you did. You know, you're such a little sweetheart.
No, you know what it is? What a little sweetheart you are. When we were kids, we called it kiss ass.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? You're a fucking kiss ass ass. You're a kiss ass.

Speaker 3 I love you guys so much.

Speaker 2 You've been very like, you know, you, you know, I'm a negative guy. No, you're not.
You're not. No, I go through negativity in my mind, though.
You go through phases. Phases of negativity.

Speaker 2 And when I'm in those phases, you're very good at like being...

Speaker 2 There's not a bad bone in your body.

Speaker 3 You look at me and you go, get out of here. Go get Taco Bell.

Speaker 2 Get it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I did that right. Like, I was like the dog in old yellow.

Speaker 2 And you know what that dog did? She, she put her, put her head down, put her eyes up, and just kept walking behind you.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you're a sweetie. We had a long walk in silence, but I felt like it felt like good to be there next to you.
Yeah. Because I could tell you were going through something.

Speaker 2 No one walked next to me when I was going through it. Yeah, I had my dollywood.

Speaker 2 Stacey did. You have to.
You have to. Yeah.
You got to go sometimes.

Speaker 2 So we both had a Dollywood game. Yeah.
And I also, I also, I look through life sometimes in your lens, the way you see it. Yeah.
And it makes me grateful. Oh, that's true.

Speaker 2 Because a lot of times, you know, we've been at it for a long time. And they're just, you know, we just get hung up on things, you know.

Speaker 2 And when I look at you and how positive you are, it just, I just think without you on the tour, it would be way harder. Way harder.
I agree. Likewise.

Speaker 3 Without you on the tour, there would be no tour.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 That's right.

Speaker 3 The funniest way I got to say of that night when we got the White Castle, and Carlos was the one who ordered it and picked it up. And then I kind of just remembered that whole night was his birthday.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it was his birthday. It was.

Speaker 2 It really was. And oh, you know what the best part was? They lost one of his tacos.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Oh, really? Yeah, and I was like, do you want mine? And he's like, it's okay.

Speaker 3 I forgot another really cool thing about Louisville was Adam Sandler was in town. Yeah, you guys probably had a lot to talk about that.

Speaker 3 But after the show got out, Bobby and I went to visit the comedy club in town.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And their open mic had just ended, but it was, you could just tell how much it not only meant to them, but like the local comics were just like, whoa, you're here.

Speaker 3 And then on the walk back, because Adam Sanders.

Speaker 2 He just turned the lights on.

Speaker 3 Yeah, he turned the lights on.

Speaker 2 They turned all the lights on. I went on stage just to feel out the room.

Speaker 3 It was a cool night. It was good for their comedy scene.
And then everyone in town getting out of the Adam Sandler show were just like, they just saw Adam.

Speaker 3 And then Bobby's now just walking in the street and they people couldn't believe it.

Speaker 2 But also another thing we did have dinner with Sandler.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we went to go see after Sandler played the where the Red Wings play in Detroit.

Speaker 2 The show got out and I said

Speaker 2 You know, we were, Mike Binder was there opening and Schneider was there and Kevin James and they invited us back to a cigar bar

Speaker 2 lounge where you eat steak and smoke cigars at the same time, which for the record, don't know why you want.

Speaker 2 I mean, they were literally like,

Speaker 2 and then

Speaker 2 I was like, why do you want to eat a cigar steak?

Speaker 2 But they were very pleasant to let us hang out with them. And Sandler, we went to go see the show.

Speaker 2 And Sandler and those guys, that was the dinner actually beforehand.

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 Sandler let us hang out with him. We were talking.
He was so sweet. He's the best.
And he came up and gave Bobby a very, very warm hug. And it was really good to see.

Speaker 2 And Schneider was there. Then we had coffee with Snyder the next day, I think.
Yeah, Schneider was walking around and and met us for coffee and hung out. And it's been an unbelievable tour.

Speaker 2 And what I do want to say is, honestly, from the bottom of our heart,

Speaker 2 it's been a life-changing thing.

Speaker 2 It's been so fun to meet the fans. The fan art has been, wait till you see the studio is going to be filled when they ship it back to us because it's in the bus.
So much fan art, so much fan love.

Speaker 2 You know, we had a guy give Bobby a sobriety coin.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 You were like a 16-year sobriety coin. Huge.
And

Speaker 2 you were gifted with what is considerably like a key to the city.

Speaker 2 A councilman got a coin from the city, and you were gifted that. It was just stuff like that.

Speaker 2 And people saying to us that we've helped you guys in tough times. I know it's a good joke show.
It's a comedy show. We have fun and we usually fuck around.

Speaker 2 But from the bottom of my heart, it means so much to us that you guys are like,

Speaker 2 dude, it gets me through Monday. It gets me through my week.
It's fucking awesome. But they have saved me as well.
And,

Speaker 2 you know, I've had a tough one.

Speaker 2 And just to see people like look at me and go, I I love you and you know I mean it just it goes it's it just goes a long way with me well we're trying to give back we try to help out some of the fans a few

Speaker 2 what no we're not sucking anybody's dicks

Speaker 2 and we're not going to talk about no Bobby Lama stuff well why can't we talk about it okay so now you're going to keep doing it I'm not going to stop I may have to stop

Speaker 2 you said that you're not ever gonna stop I want to stop so for those that don't know The Dalai Lama, you bring up the photo, the Dalai Lama sucked the tongue of like an eight-year-old boy the first week that we were on tour, and it went viral.

Speaker 3 The boy sucked his tongue.

Speaker 2 Hey, man. Let's get it right.
The Dalai Lama doesn't suck on tongues. But look, he's kissing the boy's tongue.
So, anyway, this is disgusting and insane. It's insane.

Speaker 2 And we coined it, or Juicy coined it, the Bobby Llama, because now we invite people on stage to kiss Bobby's tongue. Of course, these are of age adults sucking on his tongue.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but what's happening is I'm getting sick. Sick.
Oh, yeah. Every show I get a sore throat.
I have to drink a bunch of vitamin C. Yeah.
And it's not healthy.

Speaker 2 We've increased our budget for vitamin shots. Yeah.
And also, one show I did six times or something. Six or seven, yeah.
Yeah, it was terrible.

Speaker 3 You're always the one who brings it up, and it's you always have the power to choose. And there's these like really attractive women who are dying to get a kiss.

Speaker 2 Because I don't know. You never picked it up.
It's funnier with a guy. Way funnier with a guy.
If you do it with a girl, it gets creepy, right?

Speaker 2 So it's like, but they're like, all right, Jim, come up here.

Speaker 2 All right,

Speaker 2 let me suck your tongue. The amount of guys that have volunteered to suck your tongue is beautiful.
It's beautiful. I'm happy people are living so free out there.
What time were we at the amen?

Speaker 2 Wrong part of town for that shit. What was he saying? He said,

Speaker 2 Atlanta, right? He was like, no, it was

Speaker 2 Charlotte. Yeah, he goes, we don't do that gay shit here.

Speaker 2 And I was like, yeah, you do. Four guys just asked to do it.

Speaker 2 I was like, what are you talking about, you idiot? Yeah. And then, of course, some guy got up moments later and Bobby Lambed him.
Bobby Lambed him. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's been great.

Speaker 2 That stuff has been so much fun for people to be interactive with the show. And I can't wait for us to continue the tour.
We're in the middle of it right now. So it's good to keep moving along and

Speaker 2 seeing new cities and all that stuff. Yeah, thanks.
Come out, guys. It's been great.
It's been great. It's been really great.
And Juicy's expanding her stand-up resume.

Speaker 2 We're trying to write new stuff on the road, and we're opening with a bunch of new stuff. For people that don't know, by the way, I think people are a little confused.
We never preface this.

Speaker 2 We're both doing stand-up. Juicy does stand-up, so you're getting an hour of stand-up up top, and then we're doing stuff from the show.

Speaker 2 So what's great is you get stand-up and you get parts of the show. It's a two-hour show.
There's singing. There's a lot of singing.
A lot of singing. There's a lot of fun, man.
A lot of fun.

Speaker 2 A lot of fun to be had. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I want to complain about something

Speaker 2 off-the-tour stuff. Okay, go ahead.
That shocks me. I'm going to book a hotel for the end of the tour when I stay an extra day, you know, before I come back home.
In what town? In Phoenix. Okay.

Speaker 2 But I look online, one price.

Speaker 2 I call, different price. I go on an app, different price.

Speaker 2 Around the same time I'm on my computer at my house, an ad for Travago comes on, you know, the whatever that is.

Speaker 2 And then they do a commercial where it's like, Janie stayed at a hotel and paid $275.

Speaker 2 Marissa only paid $186.

Speaker 2 And it's like, why is that legal? Why the fuck can she have the same room and get one girl just got fucked? So it's like, why does one person pay one? Shouldn't rooms be the same price for everybody?

Speaker 2 Some of these apps and these places have deals with the people. I don't like it.
I know you don't. So then somebody gets inevitably, somebody gets ripped off.

Speaker 2 I'm opening up a hotel where here's a deal. First floor, everything's the same price.
Second floor, same price. Third floor, same price.
Fourth, same price. So the first floor, $150.

Speaker 2 Second floor, $250. Third, $350.
Every room. So you know, and what floor am I on? What do I have? What's the hotel called? Cheapo Peepo.
Cheapo Peepo. Welcome to Cheapo Peepo Hotel.

Speaker 2 All right, so Cheapo Peepo, let me ask you. So Cheapo Peepo, right?

Speaker 2 What if it's a seasonal hotel? Yeah. Right? So in some parts of the the year, packed, right? But there's some

Speaker 2 off seasons. And then you got to fill your rooms.
I know, but your prices should be deals. But they should all be the same.
I know what Fancy just did. I just saw what you just did.

Speaker 2 And let me tell you, you want to talk about this? Because I actually do want to talk about it. Sometimes we'll have people say to us, Huckum, this ticket price or this ticket price is so expensive.

Speaker 2 We set the ticket price to one price. What happens is third-party sharks and assholes overcharge.
They buy tickets, they resell them. It's fucked up.
We have no control of that.

Speaker 2 Our price is $39.95 for most seats at most venues, $40.

Speaker 2 What happens is the machine and the algorithm does that without our consent and our control. We have no control over.

Speaker 2 So when we say, this is a tip for the fans, for real, when an artist goes, please use the artist code for the pre-sale, like when we go on sale, the pre-sale, that's when you can get a locked price no matter what.

Speaker 2 When it's off the pre-sale, we can't control it anymore. It sucks.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 In the U.S., it's legal.

Speaker 2 In Europe, it's illegal. It should be illegal.

Speaker 4 So, the Bruce Princeton is now in Spain, France doing the tour.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 4 tickets are like, whatever, $40,000, $70. People were paying $5,000 in the U.S.

Speaker 2 $5,000.

Speaker 2 But this is the problem. It's crazy.
And when somebody goes,

Speaker 2 oh, yeah, and you guys are charging this. We don't get that money.
That doesn't go to us. It's not like we're filling our pockets when someone else rips you off.
Like, that's what bums us out.

Speaker 2 I hate when fans are like, oh man, they're all sold out. Who do you guys think you are charging that? It's like, we don't charge that, dude.

Speaker 2 That's some machine that someone is reselling, and there's third-party machines. So, my point back to the hotel is that shit should be fucking regulated.

Speaker 2 It shouldn't do that. One person shouldn't be fucked because someone else gets something.

Speaker 3 That's just what you need with your schedule, Andrew. A hotel business.

Speaker 2 Well, first of all,

Speaker 2 now you just lost yourself an executive position at Cheapo People Hotels.

Speaker 2 Listen, Cheap. Bobby, you're obviously my co-executive.
But can I say something? Fancy your housekeeping. It's clearly.

Speaker 2 I don't know why you're so angry about it.

Speaker 2 Here's why. Because

Speaker 2 if it's 200 or 150, who gives a fuck? What do you mean? Because someone shouldn't pay more than the other person paid. That's not fair.
We don't live in communism.

Speaker 2 Well, we should. I mean, what I'm saying is, is that

Speaker 2 specifically to you, why do you care? It bothered me because...

Speaker 2 Because I've done this thing before where I've paid one thing for something and then found out that I could have gotten it cheaper another way. And you're like, well, that's fucking bullshit.

Speaker 2 That's principle. But I just got ripped, so I just got fucked.
And then

Speaker 2 I realized you're very principled when it comes to money. Well, because it's not, because I know, I'm just saying you are.
You really are. You're very like, you have your books.

Speaker 2 I mean, you know what people are getting. You want to be fair.
I like fairness when it comes to finance. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Because I think societally, we have a lot of fucked up things in our society that are unfair.

Speaker 2 It shouldn't cost you 10 grand to go to the fucking hospital.

Speaker 2 It's like, we have so much fucked up shit in our country where you're like, this is why people get mad about it because the average person does get fucked because someone wants to come to our show and reselling machines have fucked someone.

Speaker 2 And so they're like, $400, I can't pay for that. It's like, well, I wish I could change that.
How could I do that?

Speaker 2 But if we were to go into Dollywood and they said, hey, man, you can be front of the line if you give me two grand.

Speaker 2 Let's suppose that that was a thing. You did do the fast pass.
I know we did. We did do it.

Speaker 2 We need it. We didn't need it.
It's elitism. But I know, but is that wrong? Getting a fast pass.
No, these are two different things you're talking about. Why? Because there is a set general admission.

Speaker 2 It means you wait in a line. You're paying extra to go to a different line to go early.

Speaker 2 That's unfortunately the system that we all know exists. Right.
With hotels, all the shit, it's like, I don't fuck it. They just hide it.
You don't know. Same thing with an airplane.

Speaker 2 Her seat right next to me could cost her 80 bucks less than mine. Why?

Speaker 3 Should have got Trivago.

Speaker 2 Anyway, this is an ad for Travago.

Speaker 2 No, it just, here's the thing.

Speaker 2 I know how capitalism works. I just think like there's moments like that where that commercial makes me ad.
They're bragging about it that it's like,

Speaker 2 she paid cheaper. It's like, well, why did that girl get her cheaper? That's not right.
If you think about McDonald's, if you paid, you know, a $2.95 for big, I don't know how much they cost.

Speaker 2 And I paid $8.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you'd be fucking livid. I'd be livid.
It's the same shitty cheeseburger. Yeah.
Why didn't we pay the same thing? So I'm opening up Cheapo People Hotel. Yeah.
First floor, $150 a night.

Speaker 2 Second floor, $250,030, $450. Penthouse is $8,000 to supplement the other fucking hotel.

Speaker 3 It's all about your penthouse.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And by the way, my math just worked out because if the top guy is willing, like the fast pass idiot, if he's willing to supplement the other ticket loss, like the loss of revenue that I could be getting, then I'm fine with it because you're dumb enough to pay for it, so it's fine.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 What happened in Raleigh was:

Speaker 2 I said, let's book a hotel. So we went to a baseball game.
Yes, so fine. And I said, I need to book a hotel last minute.

Speaker 2 We book a hotel. His is already pre-booked.
I go to the hotel front desk. I go, hi, it's Raleigh on a Thursday.

Speaker 2 You got to have a room.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 that's not what I said, but obviously I thought. Isn't it interesting? That was the first time where I was responsible enough to get one before you.
And let's be honest, you didn't get it.

Speaker 2 Somebody else did. No, but I, but two days before I called.
Your manager to book a hotel. No, no, my.
You texted your assistant.

Speaker 3 My assistant.

Speaker 2 I'm just saying, I was still mindful about it. I went,

Speaker 2 just in case, we're about to hit Raleigh, get me a hotel room. Right, right, right, right.
And get me the most expensive one. Because I didn't want you to get the most expensive one.
I wouldn't have.

Speaker 2 I know, but still, it would have hurt me. I would have gone to Cheapo People Hotels.

Speaker 2 What I did was, so I walked into Raleigh and I thought, by the way, there's a million hotels in the city. So I thought, I'll get something.
Who cares?

Speaker 2 I walk in with him and I said, this would be nice. Can I stay here? And the woman goes, totally booked out.
And I was like,

Speaker 2 Yeah, I remember. Seriously? Yeah.
And she goes, totally booked. I was like, it's Wednesday night in Raleigh, North Carolina.
Yeah. In the middle of fucking spring.
I was like, what the fuck?

Speaker 2 And she's like, yeah, no, totally booked. And I go, okay, I'll see you later, Bob.
I'm going to go get a hotel up the street. I got a hotel anyway.
Then he goes, I go, let's go get dinner.

Speaker 2 He goes, you got to see my fucking room. The pet house.
Go upstairs. Yeah.
It's the entire fancy. Look at me.
The whole sixth floor has one room. It's his.
It's my room.

Speaker 2 And you know what his patio is? It's the restaurant. Yeah.
When he walks outside, there was a

Speaker 2 cut out half the restaurant's patio. And it's yours.
And made it my patio.

Speaker 3 They put like some blankets over a gate so that

Speaker 2 you see him. The patio is just his patio, not the hotel.
The patio is bigger than our entire studio than all the rooms combined. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
That's only a restaurant. It's a club.

Speaker 2 It's a night. At two in the morning.
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It's fucking chaos.
Also, can I say another thing? Right? My bedroom has 52, it's a fucking church.

Speaker 2 It's got 52 windows.

Speaker 2 Right? So at 5:30 in the morning, right, God shoots his lights in. Let's wake Bob up, shoot the lights in, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Speaker 2 It wasn't worth the $1,500 fucking dollars I paid for two nights in that fucking thing. I'd rather be in a fucking dungeon than with you.
It was a ripoff, and fuck you.

Speaker 2 Should have gone to cheapopeoplehotels.com. It was a nightmare.
It backfired.

Speaker 3 He went and slept on the bus with the sound.

Speaker 2 I slept on the bus because I was like, the light, that's so funny, man. The light's so bright in there.
I go, whoo, like,

Speaker 2 there should be no windows in the bedroom. Should be none.
None. None.
You don't need one. Because I have different rooms, right? Here's a tip.
Cheapo people hotel, we're going to buy old jails.

Speaker 2 Wait a second.

Speaker 4 Like, this is something that gets me so mad about the U.S.

Speaker 4 If you go to Europe, especially if you go to Spain, for example, every window, every house, doesn't matter where you are, has shutters. So there's no light coming inside any room if you don't want to

Speaker 2 anywhere. They have shutters too, man.
No.

Speaker 4 Here in the U.S., everything is.

Speaker 2 He's talking about slats. Like they go completely flat.
Yes.

Speaker 4 Every single window on every single house.

Speaker 2 Oh, I want a shutter, dude. We got to get ourselves some shutters.
Oh, fuck. Google shutter, dude.
Well, you know, dude, they have the window shutter. Boop, they close you in.

Speaker 2 I don't want one of those. It's like an army.
It's like a military army. Because when you do drapes, the sides

Speaker 2 seeps the light through. Of course they do.
Yeah, I don't like it. You know what? That's why I travel with a stapler.
Oh, you took.

Speaker 2 I always staple. I staple the wall.
You know what I do? I took heavy things around the room. And push them against it.

Speaker 2 I've done that.

Speaker 2 I've done this. I took the fucking iron and put it against the fucking curtain.

Speaker 2 So everything in my room is like blocked. And you know what I mean? I've done done furniture, yeah, you've done that.
Look at this, fully enclosed. Oh, so this opens and closes completely.

Speaker 4 If you want a little light, you can literally literally look at that.

Speaker 2 They left a little light in the bottom. Yeah, it also looks like prison.
Yeah, I don't care. No, I know, but it does look a little prisoning.
Yeah,

Speaker 3 you like the bunk on the bus, huh?

Speaker 2 Yeah, the little coffin. That it's a coffin, yeah, but it's pitch black.
In fact, one

Speaker 2 because what happens is we sleep around two in the morning, we drive, we do, yeah, you're at

Speaker 2 bed

Speaker 2 at 9 p.m. Yeah, but uh, we're in bed, you wake up.
You open your eyes and you're in a different city, which is great. It's so cool.

Speaker 2 But one city, I don't know what happened, but we parked underneath a bridge or something.

Speaker 3 Oh, it's that one.

Speaker 2 And when I woke up, I literally thought that I had died. Louisville.
Louisville. Because it was pitch black.
I opened my eyes and it was so dark. I'm like, I think I died.

Speaker 2 I just prepped something on the phone, by the way, because, by the way,

Speaker 2 many of you have met McCone, our new videographer. He's lovely.
We love the kid. He's on stage with us now.
He's going to be back on the show when we come back. We love him.

Speaker 2 He's probably going to be a member of the Bad Friends team for life. I think you.

Speaker 2 There's something about you and him. Why? I love him.
No, but there's something going on. What do you mean? Not sexual.
Well,

Speaker 2 I don't know. I mean, I haven't tried.
No, I know. I think I should try.

Speaker 3 It's like a dad and son.

Speaker 2 It's like a real father and son.

Speaker 2 Not as a mentor, but a real that relationship. I see you guys.
Yeah. Well, here's why.

Speaker 3 It's sweet. Like you make him call you daddy.

Speaker 2 I make him call me daddy. It's sweet.
First of all, it's Papa.

Speaker 2 It's sweet. Papa Santino.
No, you know what it is? Because I really love him. And

Speaker 2 he is a member of our family because of my good friend Brandon Dermer, our mutual friend, who I've known for years, directed my first special. And he said,

Speaker 2 this kid is very intelligent. He's extremely cultured and keen.
His music sensibility is fucking way beyond his ear.

Speaker 2 He's 23 years old, and he knows more than most people in our age range. And his

Speaker 2 talent and depth of talent to come in the future, you know, when you see someone in your life, like when we knew Jetsy, when I first saw you do stand-up,

Speaker 2 you just kind of can tell no matter what,

Speaker 2 beyond the fact that you're good now, it's like, well, you're only going to get better.

Speaker 2 And I see the same thing in him where I'm like, he's only going to get better at his craft. He's annoying.
He is annoying as fuck. And I'm going to tell you.

Speaker 2 I'll give you an example. I needed to say that first before I start shitting.

Speaker 2 I'll give you, can I just throw my thing? Here's how he's annoying. All right.

Speaker 2 He, because I had already complimented him before we went on a tour that you're very good at like starting conversations with people that are famous or like you're not intimidated by certain situations, environments, right?

Speaker 2 So when we had coffee with Rob Snyder,

Speaker 2 you know, Rob has the court. I had the second court.
We're going back and forth, right? And I'm outside in a smoke break. Yeah, and I'm looking at McCone and I can see him

Speaker 2 with his lips. He's waiting, waiting for, you know what I mean, to get his fucking thing.

Speaker 2 And he goes, so what was it like on SNL? Was it scary in the beginning? I go, stop, McCone. I know what you're doing.

Speaker 2 I know what you're doing. Don't make it weird.
You're not doing it right. Yeah, I made it.
I called it out. But he's young.
It doesn't matter. It's annoying.
But you know what? Shut your mouth.

Speaker 2 He's a sweet boy.

Speaker 2 Shut your fucking mouth. We drove.
We took an Uber down to Raleigh to go see Prof, this rapper who's the shit.

Speaker 2 So talented. And he goes,

Speaker 2 yo, we're going to get on stage for the last song. Get on stage.
And I go, I'm good. I don't want to, you know what I mean? I don't want to like

Speaker 2 take up space for someone's show. Yeah.

Speaker 2 McCone, on the other hand, I'll go on stage. Can't fucking wait.
Annoying. He's not even at him.
He didn't ask him. Annoying.
But I said, can the kid go on stage? And Prof goes, yeah, that's all good.

Speaker 2 And I was like, you're a fucking idiot. He didn't ask him.
Yeah, yeah. So there he is in a hockey jersey.
He's in a Minnesota wild jersey because he's from Minnesota as well, dancing.

Speaker 2 Look at him dance. He's jiving with everyone, having a good time.
And then, of course, here we go. When it hits, watch it.
That's McCone. Watch McCone go off.
Ready? And there he goes. Yes.
Yes. Yes.

Speaker 2 Yes. Amped.
Amped. He's amped.

Speaker 2 The kid had a great time. He had a wonderful time.

Speaker 2 One of many things we've done on the tour that are just so fun. One last thing about McCone.
He doesn't deserve living this lifestyle. That's true.
He sent me.

Speaker 2 Remember, he told me, well, back in the day, I went to go see Chappelle.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 Did you show the video? I don't. Oh, yeah.
Yes, he he goes, I went to go see Chappelle. And I go, okay, cool.
And he goes, he invited everyone out to this club. So I went.
I was like, okay.

Speaker 2 And he goes, look at this video. It's basically McCone dancing, but he has the camera in Chappelle's face for like 45 minutes.
Yeah. Right? Like, as close as anything.

Speaker 2 And at one point, Chappelle's like,

Speaker 2 like, you know what I mean? You can imagine McCone's just like, you know what I mean? Annoying. He's an idiot.
Yeah, yeah. I love him.
But the most important thing about that moron

Speaker 2 is that every day

Speaker 2 he wakes us up at 4 5 in the morning. That last one was horrifying.
Because he has night terrors. I'm going to play some of them for you here.
He talks in his sleep, but he has night terrors.

Speaker 2 Before you even play it,

Speaker 2 this is not an exaggeration. It's not any kind of fib.
No, this is it. It's so real because I'm a deep sleeper.
Yeah. And this motherfucker has woken me up six times.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, every time.

Speaker 3 I think people in the live, because we've been telling the live shows what's happening, and I can tell people think we're making this this up.

Speaker 2 We're not making up this is real.

Speaker 2 So, there's an app that records your sleep. In fact, on this show, a year and a half, two years ago, we played my friend Tyler's nighttime clips, who also has an app who has night terror, or is

Speaker 2 night walking and all that.

Speaker 2 This is just one clip. We don't have all of them, obviously.
This is just one. This is him.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 oh,

Speaker 2 oh, oh,

Speaker 2 whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 Whoa! In the middle of the night at four in the morning. Yeah.
Ha! Whoa!

Speaker 2 Just talking.

Speaker 2 There was nothing dirty sad, but I don't imagine my sister.

Speaker 2 A sick, twisted boy.

Speaker 3 It sounds less scary at like this, but imagine you're just in a dead sleep.

Speaker 2 In a dead sleep.

Speaker 3 Yeah, and

Speaker 3 the first time it happened, I thought someone was like getting hurt on the butt.

Speaker 2 Like being stabbed. Stabbed.
Because he's like, oh, no, no, no. My God, no.

Speaker 2 Everyone should do an exorcism. Deeper.
He does say deeper. Deeper.
Deeper. No, no.
What's the other one he says? The one where he's like, no, Dad, no, Dad.

Speaker 2 No, daddy, no. No, daddy.
Yes, dad.

Speaker 2 Yes, dad. We keep telling him, you've got to go to therapy.
And he goes, nothing happened to me. And I said,

Speaker 2 something happened.

Speaker 3 He says, doctor said my brain not good.

Speaker 2 What? He said,

Speaker 3 the doctor said my brain's not good.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, the doctor's right.
But you only have nighttime like that if something happened, no?

Speaker 3 No, that's what his doctor said is his brain's, and that's, it could be that nothing happened to him and his brain's just.

Speaker 2 I doubt it. I don't know.
I think something happened. I think the doctor did it.

Speaker 2 Maybe the doctor did it. Good trick.
Yeah. Nothing happened to you, right? Right? Take this colonophen.

Speaker 2 But it's every morning. I'm not kidding you.
You think he got possessed?

Speaker 4 Yeah, I think maybe we should do an exorcism on him. Would love to do that.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what it is. We got to find a guy.

Speaker 3 San Antonio.

Speaker 2 Right. San Antonio, maybe we'll exercise the demons.

Speaker 4 Where is Carlos in all of this?

Speaker 2 Can I ask you? Can I say something? Please, I'm going to die.

Speaker 2 I'm going to die. And I realize it's not the breath.

Speaker 3 But Carlos, despite his smell, is so confident.

Speaker 2 Number one,

Speaker 2 I realize I'm not a scientist. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right? I'm not. And I'm not also a PI of any kind.
Yeah. Right? And I'm not an analyst.
Correct. True.
Right.

Speaker 2 But I've done some deductions. You're able to deduce.
Deduce. It's not his breath.
So can I just say that? What is it? It's him.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? It's his.

Speaker 3 Like his armpits?

Speaker 2 No, his essence. His skin?

Speaker 2 Let Let me just make a point, okay? No, please. He's not here to defend himself.
It's fine.

Speaker 2 I'm going to get him on the phone. Yeah.
Because he needs to defend himself for this to be fair. Yeah, right.
So if you cut him open and you smelled his inside, I know.

Speaker 2 Do you remember in Star Wars the tauntauns? No.

Speaker 2 Do you remember the taunt on? You're saying he's rotten to the core. Yes.
Yes. Carlos.

Speaker 2 What's up, man? Hey, man, you're on the podcast right now, and I felt it was only fair if you were able to defend yourself because Bobby's just bringing up something that he feels about you.

Speaker 4 And I just want to say, I love you.

Speaker 2 First of all, I love you. I think you're doing a great job on the tour.
Thank you, Bobby. And I think that you and I have bonded.

Speaker 2 I agree. Yes.
So, that being said, go ahead. Go ahead, Carlos.

Speaker 2 Go ahead. I mean, Bobby.
What do you mean, me, go ahead? All I was saying, I don't think you have bad breath. Am I in trouble? No, I don't think you have bad breath.

Speaker 2 Oh, thank you, Bobby. So that was just a joke you were doing.
No, it's not a joke.

Speaker 2 I think I've deduced it down to what the problem is.

Speaker 2 Okay, what's the problem?

Speaker 2 It's just your core smells.

Speaker 2 My core. That's where it comes from, my breath.
No, it's not just your breath.

Speaker 4 It's everything. Your essence.

Speaker 2 Your essence. He thinks.
Is that fancy?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You know, like the tauntons from Empire Strikes Back. Yeah.
He thinks that's, he thinks that's you.

Speaker 2 I think he's lying.

Speaker 2 No, I think Han Solo's lying. I thought they smelled bad on the inside.

Speaker 2 Or on the outside. Yeah, I thought they smelled.
I think you, it comes from your inside. What do you think, buddy?

Speaker 2 You know, I think I take good care of myself and I eat well, and all I do bad is jewel and smoke pot. So my inside shouldn't smell that bad.
Okay, fair point.

Speaker 2 And I think Bobby is making more of an energy joke about me. Like, oh, I'm a dark, dirty person or something.

Speaker 2 But I don't think bisexuality or

Speaker 2 researching things at night should be considered dirty.

Speaker 2 Okay. Okay.

Speaker 3 So it's like a psychological thing with Bobby.

Speaker 2 Right. So maybe you don't smell to anybody else.

Speaker 4 They're talking about a dumpster.

Speaker 2 See a sniper. A little too hot there.

Speaker 2 He's, can I tell you? Yeah. I can't wait to get away from this guy again.

Speaker 2 No, he was talking about. I'm talking about a dumpster.
He wants to know.

Speaker 2 Fancy

Speaker 2 is referencing the girl that you made out with against a dumpster in Nashville.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 She's cute.

Speaker 2 She was

Speaker 2 good looking.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. She liked my picture today on Instagram.
So

Speaker 2 we follow each other now. But are you.
We miss y'all. We miss you too, buddy.
How's Texas? It's great.

Speaker 2 But, you know, like today I posted a picture of McCone, and it made me, you know, start to miss the tour. And I want you to know that Bobby did text me today unprompted

Speaker 2 a link to Instagram, just, and I think he misses me too. Aw, did you, dude? When I send you fucking shit on Instagram, dude, you do not talk about it.
Alone, okay? What was it?

Speaker 2 No, I'm not going to do not say it. What was it? I'm not going to.
I'm not going to say it. Thank you so much.
Thank you. We'll tell you in private.
Sometimes we have secrets that fine. All right.

Speaker 2 I can't fucking believe you brought that up. Carlos.
I'm just saying, I think you missed me, but because you texted me,

Speaker 2 it was just something that would debond over, but let's move on. Okay, okay, thank you.
Good to see you. Oh, bye-bye.
See you in Texas. See you.

Speaker 2 Bye, Carlos. Bye, buddy.
Bye, dude. If you have to know, I do.
I should. I feel like I would.
It was just

Speaker 2 a kiss cover band.

Speaker 2 The name of this kiss cover band?

Speaker 2 Peck.

Speaker 2 That's so funny, dude. Like a thumble, like a little thumble.

Speaker 2 The moment I saw it, I thought. It's a zip back.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 So good. But can I tell you what he sent me after that then? What?

Speaker 2 It's insane. So then he just starts sending me these.
Oh, my God. Yeah, yeah, which is insane.
Insane. It's insane.
All right, let me say this. We're so happy to be continuing the tour.

Speaker 2 Also, for people that stuck around this late in the episode, you're in for a treat. We are going to be doing some dates in the fall.
I can't tell you where. I can give you some hints.
Big cities.

Speaker 2 Let me give you some hints.

Speaker 2 Yeah. And I'll give you another one.

Speaker 2 Oh, I think I know. And I'll give you another one.

Speaker 2 There's poop everywhere.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. And I'll give you

Speaker 2 another.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. That's enough.
Thank you so much, you guys. Please come see us.
We're going to be adding dates and adding cities as we go.

Speaker 2 Also,

Speaker 2 we know we had to skip Virginia because it was out of our fucking control. We're sorry about that.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry.

Speaker 2 We're trying to make that up, but it was out of our control what happened.

Speaker 2 I'm so sorry. It's a huge bummer.
I'm sorry, but we're trying to make up everything we can as we go. And we love you.
And most importantly, thank you for being a bad friend.