Hey Homie ft. Frankie Quiñones, Johnny Sanchez & Cristela Alonzo

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We're adding as we go. Go to badfriendspod.com.
Badfriendspod.com. You two are bad friends.
Who are these two idiots? A white dude and an Asian dude. You two are disgusting.
You two are something. We're bad friends.
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey know how to... When he died, when Richie Valens died, was that sad for you guys? It tore me apart from the movie.
Really? Yes, it tore me apart. That's like your Harry Styles, right? Oh my God.
Richie Valens? Oh my God. You know that I...
Are we recording right now? Yeah. Yeah.
You know, Harry Styles, right? Oh, my God. Richie Valens.
Oh, my God. You know that I...
He was only 17 here.

Are we recording right now?

Yeah.

Harry Styles, I didn't know anything about.

Until when?

Until I heard a song called...

Was it Watermelon Sugar?

Yeah, he loved fruit.

Dude, well, that's what I thought it was.

I was like, man, this guy loves Agua Fresca.

You know what, bro?

I feel like I'm being racist with fucking mouth-nashing and shit, to yo do Mexican amigos I'm gonna take it off now it feels weird Anyway oh my god you had another one underneath all the time I love it.

So welcome to So good to see you guys, man.

Because let me tell you something, man.

Andrew's been out of town and I've been doing this all alone.

And I needed friends, bro.

And we did an all-Korean episode, bro.

I thought, what's next, bro?

Mexicans, dude.

I fucking love them, bro.

We got a fucking...

I want to introduce the people in the room, bro.'ve got a fucking raccoon in the house a fucking raccoon he's half raccoon have fucking Mexican this girl you know me bro when's the last time you slept dog I stayed up late last night but I have these all the time anyway Bobby you know it's at a point I know You're going to have to Michael Jackson it. Yeah, I know.
You're going to have to Michael Jackson underneath your eye because it's so prominent. Listen, I looked into it.
Here's the problem. Are you a panda? Can I ask you that? A panda's good, too.
Panda, raccoon. Do you want Johnny to have Sammy Sosa lids? You know, there's a laser.
There's a laser laser thing but you have to go to somebody really good because if they take off too much dude then it gets it's like it'll be pale it's worse i don't know dude i don't know i think pale is better it's bad huh it's so i'm no it's you it's you. Some people just have dark circles.
Yeah, but it's bad. Look, it's bad.
That's bad. That's pretty bad.
I don't think so. Yeah.
But it's going to get, you know, it's going to get, the dermatologist told me it's going to get dark. It's just going to keep getting darker as I get older.
And it's going to get. Please don't get them done then.
And it's going to. I have to see what happens.
Like in about five years, it'll be... It goes lower and lower.
Oh, please. Oh, my God.
When we start calling him Crater Sanchez. Crater? Crater? Crater Sanchez, bro.
Man, people have tried to hike it, but they've never gone. They've never seen again.
So we got Johnny Sanchez, my old friend. Yeah, buddy.
You good, bro? Yeah, I'm all right. I'm sorry for making fun of you, man.
That's all right. It goes, that's how our relationship is.
It's always been like that. It'll never change.
I love you. You know what's funny? Can I introduce the next person? Well, just real quick.
You always go, it's always been funny. You've always gone after my looks.
You always fun of me I called you cricket But you You make fun of me like you look like Brad Pitt That's what makes me I look like shit I look like shit I look in the mirror And I know where I'm at I know who I am

Yeah we're gonna talk about that right About what? Dating and Yeah yeah yeah we will But can I introduce people? Introduce That's what I was gonna say yeah We have one that We have one Mexican that's not even shown up yet Yeah he's on Mexican time He's on Mexican time What does that mean? Anyway this next person I get it I get it So the next person that I want to introduce is somebody that I met many, many years ago. She was living in Dallas.
Yes. And you were working at the Addison Improv.
Yeah, I was the office manager. You were the office manager.
Oh, my God. And I found out then that you were doing stand-up.
I had just started. You just started.
And the way you rose, it was just, I was so proud of you. I'm still very proud of you.
You just dug your way out, and you're so talented and funny. Cristela Alonso.
She had her own sitcom. What was it called? Cristela.
Killa. Oh, my God, Bobby.
It was actually called Nine Is Enough. It could have been called chrysilla versus christella i mean no no no you're right it could have been look george lopez has used his name on every show and even then when he has a new show i'm like it could be paul this time you never know yeah yeah um thanks for being here i haven't hung out with you in a while yeah and you and i called you out of the blue And you were like let's do it I was telling Johnny before the show That we're at an age Where We're pretty much going to be We're unfuckable And we have sad futures Ahead of us Do you Do you you see yourself With a woman that would be like In her late 40s Early 50s You like still like young That's crazy What are you accusing me of No no You like girls that are like 20s and like maybe early 30s listen I don't care about the age it's what I see so you probably wouldn't go out with a woman that's like 48, 49, 50 it depends I'm 44 by the way you look great you look wonderful are you saying that for me to be careful the way I...
No, no, no. No, no, no.
I don't give a shit. No, I'm saying like I'm 44.
Yeah, you look good. You look good.
I'm saying that there's people that are women that are 49, 48 that probably don't look... You know, it's like, yeah.
It just depends. Yeah.
Right. If I'm in a bakery, right, and if the cake looks fresh, I want to it's damaged You know what I mean You know Rotting Wear and tear you mean It's what I call moisturizer See like There have been times I do this shit all the time I will google people I hated in high school and I know that we're the same age and a lot of them look like shit and it's because I tell people they never learn to moisturize so it's like we're the same it's like that thing about like not knowing how to take care of yourself maybe because you're too busy you're having a fucked up life where you're trying to survive and shit like that whatever it is you didn you didn't do it.
So people sometimes look different than other people the same age because they just didn't take care of themselves. Moisturize? It's about putting lotion on your face? Is that what you're saying? Yeah, I'm simplifying it like that just to say that that's like the example.
But can I add on to that? Let's do it. Could it be about also stress levels? Yes, absolutely.
Well, that's what I mean, is that the moisturizing is just an example of how like people do extra steps sometimes that they probably don't even think about. Like the moisturizer is a thing, obviously stress level, because that's what I'm saying.
It's like if you have a life of survival of like trying to get by or something or shit's just fucked up. Sometimes you trying to take care of yourself like physically is the last fucking thing on your mind yeah you know what i mean yeah yeah the mind fuck i suffer from depression and anxiety and when i get depressed i get depressed and when i feel like that i don't give a shit what i look like you know yeah yeah and that's it's kind of going to your fresh cake like yeah yeah you know know, also, too, culture...
Oh, what? Go ahead. Well...
I want you to talk. Culturally, I feel like white people age faster.
The lighter-complected, fair-skinned people... Whoa, bro, what are you saying, dude? ...seem to get more wrinkled earlier than people who have oily skin and darker complexion.

So you're saying black people look good?

Well, we all know that.

Don't call them oily, though.

That's weird.

No, I'm talking about Mexicans.

Like my dad.

You just call them oily.

No, no, no.

The Mexican.

Like my dad has very oily skin.

He's going to be 88.

He looks fantastic.

Is he the raccoon part of your family?

No.

I did not get it from my mom or my dad.

Where does that come from, though, that?

I had a great aunt that had it,

and I had an uncle that had it.

Not my mom and dad.

Oh, you know what I just realized?

You look like you're about to play football.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, so that's cool. Anyway, I love you.
Thanks for coming out. You're one of my favorites.
You're one of my favorites. Hey, you piece of shit.
I love you, buddy. I love you, buddy.
Hey, you fucking disappointed in my life. Hey, buddy.
Hey, fist bump, right? Yeah. I'll give you the, like Rachel Beelson, you know who that is? Yes.
I remember her. I remember her I know her and she's you know in her in her 40s right and she's beautiful I mean I would you know I mean if I could date her I would probably I mean she she had a baby with Darth Vader yeah dating Christensen yeah yeah so that's the level that she's at right yeah but I'm just saying if just saying if like.
She's fucking young Anakin. Yeah.
Yeah, young Anakin.

Yeah, because she. I can't fuck with young Anakin.

Yeah, exactly.

Because in the Star Wars universe, I'm a Jawa.

Does a Jawa fuck fucking?

No.

No.

I am like the Jar Jar Binks one night stand.

Like in the Star Wars universe, who would you be?

I know.

I already know.

Oh, what's his name?

I know what you are, dude.

What? Remember that blue guy that was like flying he was the boss he was the boss and one of the newer ones yeah yeah yeah what was it what was his name the blue one that was yeah that's you that dude that's fucking

oh my god dude

unfuckable

that reminds me of when people say, like when women come up to me, they're like, you remind me of my friend. I'm like, what did I do to you? You have big feet? Wide.
Oh, they're wide. Because I grew up barefoot.
Like apocalypto. Dude, that's my cousin.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like back in the day,

you probably could have just run up a tree.

Oh, I could still do that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, I used to, I was barefoot all the time.

We were really poor,

so my mom would give me one pair of shoes for the whole year.

For the whole year.

So then during the summer,

I used to be barefoot all the time. I'd walk to the stores barefoot and everything, you know.
So I have white feet. Whoa.
You know? I'm dropping some fucking honest nuggets here. No, I really like it.
But they're pretty pretty. I've never seen them.
Yeah, yeah. I will say.
Go ahead. That they are on the internet.
And I have been approached in public by somebody that wanted me to show them off. Yeah, the foot fetish thing.
Yeah, the foot fetish thing. If I wanted to, like, let's say I was a guy on the internet.
I saw your feet. Yeah.
And I hit you up on DMD. And I go, hey, how much could I give you money-wise? Yeah.
So I just want your feet on my penis. But I'll jerk off the tip.
But just have the penis at the base. He's put some thought into this.
At the base, right? And I'll just, you know, I'll take, you know, me and Lou, I'll just jerk off. Can I come on your feet? How much would you charge? Well, first of all, I always hate these questions because I would probably do that shit when I'm drunk for free.
You know what I mean? I hate when people say, like, how much would you blow somebody for a million dollars? Bitch, I've done that for a nickel.

No, I think that the feet thing has always been very well.

Any fetish to me that I'm not familiar with has always been like, whoa, really?

Yeah.

For that much.

But this person is a stranger.

No, I wouldn't do it.

You have to do it sober.

You wouldn't do it at all.

No, I wouldn't do it.

For a million dollars.

No, because I can actually, because I think I can make my million dollars some other way. That's true.
Okay, good, good. Would you do it? How would that work? No.
Oh, the girl? I'm a guy. Yeah.
I DM you. Oh.
I love you on K-Loco. I didn't do K-Loco.
Oh, yeah, that's right. You did it.
I was not cool enough to do K-Loco. That is so crazy.
He turned it down. I did.
I said no. Yeah, yeah.
Well, you were starting. You were young.
You were starting. You just started.
There's a lot of shit that I didn't get. Yeah, no, no.
You know what? This is interesting. So I started in Dallas, moved to LA.
In Dallas, I was kind of like the only Latina comic in the scene, you know? Then I moved to LA, there were a lot of Latino comics that didn't like me. And it was this thing where I didn't realize that there was this thinking, and I've talked to people about this all the time, a lot of the older comics, and by that I mean people that had been doing it longer, not like age-wise, right right.
Like they thought that I had disrespected them. Like when I met them by not trying to shake their hands and say, hey, it's really nice to meet you.
It's so interesting you say this because it's like I have the same issues as you do. But I'm beginning to think it's a perception thing.
Oh, no. Just stop.
No, stop, stop, stop. All right.
To you, it's real. Yes.
Okay. Yeah.
I believe that. Yeah.
Okay. But is there a perception thing a little bit? Because people live, listen, I feel the same way I say.
It's all quiet. Everything just stops.
What's up, bro?

Do you guys know him?

Of course.

Hi, Frankie.

What's up, bro?

We didn't know.

That's funny.

He lowers his chair.

It's all lowrider.

Let me get all lowrider right here real quick.

Where were you, Frankie?

Just with my family. It's Sunday, right? Is it? Is it Sunday? Yeah, yeah.
Sunday's a big deal for you people, right? Sunday is our Sunday. That's right.
It sounded weird. It sounded weird.
Sunday is our Sunday. I caught myself.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you're with your family, bro? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. What were you guys doing? You know, we were just kicking and doing fine stuff.
Barbecue or? No. No, it's raining.
Oh, shit is? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't barbecue inside? No.
That's called cooking, babe. That's regular.
Did you eat food? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Good time?

Yeah, all right.

What's wrong with you right now, man? Yeah, what's going on?

Yeah, you're keeping all fucking shifty.

Yeah, totally.

Is this like the movie Speed

where you can't say a full sentence?

Some shit might happen?

You're not high, right?

No, no, no.

You good?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You look cute.
Aw, thank you. So, can I introduce him or no? Yeah, do it.
Oh, yeah, introduce him and then let him about what she was talking about because that's interesting. I forgot what she was saying.
About, you know, not being welcomed. The disrespect of Latino comments.
Oh, that's right, that's right. She didn't feel welcomed or whatever, you know.

Frankie Quinones.

Yeah, Quinones, yeah.

I said it right.

Frankie Quinones.

Yeah, you mean Quinones.

Cholo Fit.

Yeah.

He's on the show.

Hey, homie, what's his name?

Hey, fool.

Hey, homie.

This fool.

This fool.

This fool.

I got it wrong.

He's on the show, Hey, homie.

I know.

He's on a very successful hit show called.

It's a great show.

It's a great show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thank you.
He's on a very successful hit show.

It's a great show.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Fucking love Hey Homie.

That's actually a good name, Bobby.

I know.

Hey Homie.

Hey Homie.

Dude, you gotta steal their idea and do Hey Homie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I wanna do Hey Homie, dude.

All right?

Us three can do Hey Homie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And we'll go on Hulu and compete against your show, bro.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's on This Fool.
Second season now or no? Yeah, yeah. You guys already shot it? No, we're like halfway through.
Oh, so you're in the middle of production? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Is it going well? Yeah, yeah, it's going good. Yeah.
Wow. You're really good on that show, man.
Yeah. Oh, thank you.
Yeah, very good. I actually had an audition for the show.
I didn't do it. I didn't do it.
why because i couldn't i couldn't shoot the i was out of town i couldn't shoot the tape in the deadline or something but i don't you hate when that happens yeah i don't get why the process is like that they're like hey we want you for this part we need it tomorrow by three years i remember i had an audition for a movie that that is coming out this year that was that i got I. I got the audition like two years ago.
Yeah. And it was a quick turnaround.
Like, hey, you got to turn this in tomorrow. And I asked for an extra day because I was flying back.
They're like, no, we got to do this right now. That shit did not get cast for another eight months.
And I was like, come on, really? You're going to give me another Dude, they're fucking liars. They are.
They're fucking liars. Yes.
And it's like, we all fucking dance for them, right? We want to see it now. And you know what I say to them, man? Fuck you.
You're not going to see it. We'll be poor and we're never going to make it.
That's not what you say. What do I say? Yes, right now.
And just start dancing.

Oh, you think I'm a dancer?

Yeah, I'm a dancer.

Oh, you fucking piece of shit, dude.

You're right, I am a dancer.

You need the tape right now?

All right.

Yeah.

I have done that.

At midnight.

I have.

Because when you're at my age, you're like, you hear the talk clicking.

Talk clicking.

Clock ticking. Clock.
Talk clicking. Another good name for a show.
Let me just say it. Talk clicking? A talk show.
Talk clicking. Hey, homie, talk clicking.
Hey, homie, talk clicking. Clock ticking.
I fucked it up. It's okay.
No, you didn't. You created magic.
I just created magic. Okay, so my point is this, right? So you think, this is my only shot.

You know what I mean?

Like in your 30s, you go, oh, I'm going to have opportunities.

I know.

When I think back of how many times I said no for auditions, like, what?

By tomorrow?

No, fuck that.

Just, oh.

Yeah.

I'm not going to go in.

I know.

They got to give me more time.

They won't give you more time, Johnny.

Well, then I'm not going to go in.

But you regret it now.

I should have just said.

I don't they won't give you more time giant well then I'm fucking I'm not gonna go in but you've read it now I should have just said no I should have that's a lesson to you fucking do it oh I know no I'm very picky about the shit I do I say no all the time yeah I know but you're gonna regret the nose that's what he just said no because you know what I you can either regret the nose or you can regret the yeses because then you see the bullshit that you were done with, that you did or shot. Then you regret what the fuck you did.
Okay, like, oh, yeah. Let me say something to you, okay? Are you fucking mugging me right now? Your booty popped it right now.
Fuck, what up? Hey, homie. I'm sorry, you're right, you're right, you're right.
You're right, you have integrity. No, here's the thing.
Because even the shitty shit that you, I've said yes to things, right? And it didn't turn out the way I thought it was gonna turn out. But you always learn from these situations.
Yes. You meet, you always, it's all about relationships.
Yes it is. This town, right? So I've done shitty things, met somebody, and then three years later, I've gotten a job out of that person that I met.
My point is that it's not all out the window and a waste of time. No.
Here's my thing. I am very, like, I have learned, the industry has taught me that in order for me to be on TV, I have to write the thing myself.
For me. You know what I mean? Now that's because people for some reason can't write

for me. Because they make assumptions of

who the fuck the Latino character

is. Not even me.
So it's like this

thing. I realized when I had

my sitcom, I was

in every fucking audition.

I was in the room at every audition.

And I would see their resumes as they

came in. And I noticed that with the Latinos, like the Latino men, Latino women, they didn't have comedy experience because we weren't writing for them.
So how the fuck do you teach timing? How the fuck do you teach people how to act in sitcoms if you're not casting, if you're not writing the parts? So for me, for me to be on TV, because at that point, you know, it's like people told me you'll never be on TV. You're fat, you got a crooked tooth.
So for me, I was like, that's great. You don't have a crooked tooth.
I fixed it, dude. Oh, she fixed it.
That's sitcom money. That's sitcom money.
But it's that thing where, people got that specific? Fuck yes. Oh, damn.
But the only thing, but the thing is, is that like I had put it out of my mind that I was ever gonna be on TV because they told me I was never gonna be on TV. But I wrote my show and I accidentally got on TV.
You know? So it's like this thing though, when I see like roles that come to me, I don't fit the box that they want for Latinas. So I end up getting a lot of sassy, a lot of sassy roles that end up getting cast by black women Because I don't fit the box that they want for Latinas.
So I end up getting a lot of sassy roles that end up getting cast by black women because I don't fit the box that they want. I always say that with Latinas, you're a sex pot, everybody wants to fuck you.
And then you have to go away and like slightly retire for 10, 15 years. And then you come back as the grandmother.
Abuela. Yeah, you know what I mean? Damn, or yeah, yeah.
It's always like, ay, mija, I did not come to this country so that you can do it. I love those characters.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
It's the favorite part of the movie. I love it.
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Do you ever guys think about like what you guys, go ahead. No, no, I just want to jump.
I'm going to jump back on auditions and roles and stuff. Go ahead.
Well, no, I want you to go now. Do it right now before we move on.
Because we're going to a different direction. Oh, okay.
You know what I've noticed recently with auditions for Mexican or Latino roles in general? They've been requiring a lot of Spanish. Oh, my God.
And I'm out. That's out for me, man.
That's so much. But Frankie's in, right? Frankie's good.
You did Spanish? I mean, I have to, I can't do like conversational, like getting interviewed in Spanish. I'll like fuck up words and shit.
Oh, okay. You're kind of like me then.
But scripted, I could do. Well, let me give you some sentences.
No, let's, I want to give you some sentences to see if you guys can do it. Let's do a fucking little game here.
Okay. All right.
Excuse me. Where is the bathroom? Yeah, there we go.
But I wouldn't have. You should have asked me first because I'm just going to repeat.
He just got a point. Yeah.
I just want to say that buzzer shit, are you? Oh, am I playing? Because I'm, Spanish is my first language. Well, why didn't you just, you just froze? You froze? No, I raised my hand and then you went to him.
Oh, my God, my bad. How about this, I didn't go around to eat.
Or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you also said, excuse me. So the correct thing would have been, con permiso.
Donde salvaje? Oh yeah, yeah, con permiso. Ah, look at it.
That's right. Oh, yeah.
That's right, bro. See, I wouldn't be able to do that.
I'd have to call my mom. Yeah.
And then my mom would tell me how to say it. I would write it down phonetically.
Not in Spanish. I would write it down phonetically.
But you grew up in farmland. And my parents speak Spanish.
Yeah. What happened? I understand it.
We just never, they didn't teach us Spanish. Were you part of the generation where your parents spoke Spanish, but they didn't want you speaking Spanish? It was like, you got to get a job.
Yeah. No, in my neighborhood, it was like, there were a lot of people that spoke Spanish parents that had kids that wouldn't teach them English because it almost seemed like.

You mean Spanish.

Spanish, because it almost felt in a weird way.

And I don't mean this, but it's like it's like it's almost like a promotion.

Like they were here in the United States.

Sure.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

This is what happened.

My dad, you know, my mom is a stay at home mom.

My dad's like, I'll work, you know, back in the day.

Right.

It's the old school style.

So he he told my mom, you teach him Spanish at home. But then my mom said, no, I don't want to teach them Spanish because she thought we would have an accent.
And when she was growing up, they put all the Mexican kids in the back who had accents, they put them in the back of the class. So my mom was like, no, I don't want them to have any accents.
So, which is not true. It is true.
Look what I'm at. She doesn't have an accent.
They put me here in the back of the podcast, you see? Yes. They do.
Yeah, yeah. You're long there.
You're not even fucking Spanish. Right? You're the one that fucking colonized the fucking state country, man.
Exactly. That's why I can't even this podcast.
We'll fucking knock you out. We'll fucking knock you out, bro.
Hey, man. That's not a Mexican either, Carlos.
Are you Mexican? These are real Mexicans here. I'm really Mexican.
My parents are from Mexico City. All right.
Yeah, well, he's got his blood. He's got his ancestors.
Right. Is what...
And you guys had... See, I would have been an Aztec warrior, dude, if it hadn't been for his ancestors coming over.
Frankie and I would have been freaking warriors, bro. So anyway, so get this.
Let me tell you what happened. So I did one.
I think it was for that show. I did, I did audition for that show.
Hey, homie. Hey, homie.
Hey, homie is so hot. It's got to be.
We got to do something with you. Anyway.
Hentified. Remember that series? Yes.
Yes. Yes.
But they required. They even asked at one point.
When you're done with the audition. Like after you do your read.
We want you to do 30 seconds. A minimum.
Of a convert. Tell us about yourself in Spanish.
Minimum of 30, dude. So Rob DeRocha helped me.
I had to have Rob DeRocha come over because he's fluent. Okay.
So, and then I'm doing it. And poor guy's like trying to help me.
Then there was a couple of lines. And I have, I got to, I got to post this one of these days, but I read my line in Spanish and Rob starts to deliver his line and he just starts laughing.
Like he's like- So bad. It was that bad.
And I read my line, whatever it was. Oh, that's great.
That's great, Johnny. And he goes.
He just, he said it. I understood everything you said.
I understood everything you said. I understand you.
So what do you, say it again, what you just said. I don't remember what it was, but it was something.
It was something like that, de verdad, or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then Rob starts to go, see, you're gonna take it. And he starts laughing his ass off.
I go, what happened? And he goes, dude, it's just, yeah, you're not sick. Like, I like i don't because i and because he did that in the audition you probably fucked yourself up oh that was it that was it right there yeah you know it was a home you go in with that but no no no it was tape it was tape and he sent it in but still i he just kind of went he took the best out of all the bad all the bad ones and he just goes would send that one.
He goes, besides, white people are going to think maybe if the producers aren't Latino or they're not Mexican, they might think it's okay. But I've been seeing a lot of Spanish in auditions, dude, and that's just – I can't do that on set.
But you can. No, no.
I cannot have conversations. Like he said, I can't have a conversation.
Look at the Australians, right, that learn how to speak in an American accent. But that's an accent.
No, that's an accent. That's not really my whole language.
Hey, look at me. I'm speaking Spanish.
That's different. I am so fluent in Spanish.
Remember that time at the place? That was crazy, man. Frankie, it turns out you know Spanish all along.
It's Spanish is in your heart. What can I say? It's in my blood, you know? Fuck.
I said, psh, psh, psh, psh. So if you had an audition and it's, oh, you do speak Korean, right? No.
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So could you go, if it's an audition and you're supposed to have a conversation back and forth Would you be okay? No, no, no, no, no So you get hit up for yeah, but my ages now go he's not gonna do it. Yeah, okay They already know yeah, because I can't I've tried it even my Asian accent sucks.
I have two types. Yeah high and low That sounds like an Asian's name.
How are you doing today? Like Chinese, you know what I mean? And then you do that Japanese thing a lot. What? Like that, right? Yeah.
But sometimes I think, can I pivot now a little bit or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanted to say that I'm noticing this has not been good for me lately because I don't know what what's going on and why everybody's requiring spanish these roles but you know look at pedro pascal and these guys do i mean they're they're they're already fluent so it's so i gotta write my in other words kind of kind of going off of what christelle was talking about for me i it's i feel like i have to do the same thing because they're not gonna write shit for a coconut a coconut, dude.
They don't want... Hollywood doesn't want coconut Latinos.
You explain to people what coconut is. Brown in the outside, white on the inside.
I'm a banana. You're a banana.
Filipinos are Twinkies. Are Twinkies, yeah.
Yeah. What are you? Well, same thing.
Coconut. You say pocho is like an Americanized mix.
Yeah, but pocho's bad. That's a low dig.
It is? I used to get in fights over pocho, dude, when I was in school. It's similar to coconut, though, yeah.
Yeah, but isn't it? Coconut sounds worse. Hey, get this.
There's a couple of implications there that you're kind of crazy. Okay, because we said Koreans, a banana, right? Filipinos, Twinkie.
We know Black's Oreo, right? Can I just say something? Wait wait let me get this one out go guess what I found out Native Americans call the white whitewashed ones what radish how great is that one that's great because of red yeah wow red on the outside white on the end oh I didn't know why is it all about food I know right I know these are some some hungry generalizers.

When they say white in the inside, it's not

white. We're American.

Why do they always

say...

They just say whitewash.

I was born in America

and I'm an American.

You know what I don't call

myself a Mexican American? You know what I consider

a Mexican American? It's somebody who was born

in Mexico and then came here and became Thank you. And I'm an American.
You know what? I don't call myself a Mexican.

You know what I consider a Mexican American?

It's somebody who was born in Mexico and then came here and then got their citizenship and became American.

Or Armenian American.

I was calling myself American Mexican when I was in school

and everybody laughed at me back then.

Yeah.

You guys love Antonio Banderas?

Antonio Banderas.

Oh my God.

Dude, I love Antonio Banderas.

Yeah, he's great.

Is he Mexican?

No.

No, my bad.

He's Spanish, right?

He's Spanish.

My bad, my bad.

He's Andres' uncle.

What?

He's Andres' uncle.

Dude, I remember that preview from the trailer

from Interview with a Vampire back in the day.

We used to die laughing

because the announcer would be like, you know, Tom Cruise, Brad Pitt, and Antonio Banderas. You know what I mean? We're like, eh, movie that's just so...
Yeah, he was in the movie? Yeah. Interview with a Vampire.
Wait, he was a Spanish vampire? His Arman. Oh, that's right! Oh! I haven't seen that in so long.
I forgot about that. It's so good.
It's such a good movie. I haven't seen it in years, but I remember loving it.
Can we pivot a little bit now? Yeah. Do you have anything else you have to say about the topic of auditioning and stuff? No, but I was going to say...
We're not going to talk about it again. No, no.
I just want to say, remember one time on Mad? Oh, my God. I was supposed to come out.
They were doing a fake thing that Mad was going to say we're not going to talk about it no no I just want to say remember one time on Mad oh my god I was supposed to come out they were doing a fake a thing that that Mad was going over to Mexico Mad TV yeah that the show was going to start airing we were both on Mad TV yeah and so Colton Dunn love Colton right great writer actor Colton I don't I don't I don't like this you're just you're just going through the motions so get this over with. He's telling for a new generation who's watching this podcast.
Oh, got it. That's true.
They don't even know about it. He wrote a monologue for me to come out and I was going to do it.
So he wrote it in English and then he just hit the translation. Johnny.
I don't know what the fuck kind of Spanish that was. There were words in there.
I was like, what is this? And Colton's like, I just hit translation on Google. You were so funny on that show.
I was so proud to work with you. It was fun.
Yeah. It was a fun two years.
Yeah. Can we move? Yeah.
Go on. You know what? That you can cut out.
No, we're not. That last piece.
No, we're keeping it. Pivot panic.
Pivot panic. Pivot panic.
All right, Bobby. What you got now? Hey, homie, episode one, pivot panic.
Yeah, pivot. I'm going to pivot right now a little bit.
You about to pivot? Now I kind of don't want to pivot. Now I feel like the pivot's not going to work.
No, no Do you have any desire to learn Speak more Korean Or are you just like Ah, I am Hoi An That's it Well, I just don't know How that would help me Oh, okay Because, you know Koreans, you know Are doing well in movies But the Koreans in Korea Are making their movies I'll never be as good Right As them to be in a movie like that. So it's like, and the,

I don't really get Asian parts anymore.

I'm just like, I think I'm more known as a slackery

kind of a fuck up, you know what I mean?

And so I'm getting kind of those stonery kind of.

Which is actually a really cool place to be at.

Yeah.

So once you become, I'm sorry.

No, go ahead.

But once you be, it's, you know, called it like,

once you become a type, you could work forever. i mean some of those actors that are character actors they they're a type like louis guzman this dude has worked because he's always gonna be when they go hey we need kind of like a sloppy hispanic dude it's louis guzman they're gonna go to louise every single time yeah he's a type he's been a type for 30 years.
But even if I'm on Reservation Dogs and I play a doctor, I'm the same kind of as the Magnum Pia. I'm just that guy.
Pivot? Pivot. Pivot.
Every time I start talking, it's pivot time. Because you talk a lot.
I've actually been... I talk a lot.
I talk a lot. You're right.
No, I talk a lot. My bad.
You didn't. I love you.
I have talked to me. I have talked to me.
I have talked to me. It was a but I can't attack her No, but she's bringing up great point.
It's just making it into you guys are killing it. This is so fun So fucking fun.
Oh, I love it. Okay.
Thank you. Okay.
All right. Pivot.
He only pointed to us because you were late. Yeah.
No, I love you. No, I know.
I mean, bro, bro, bro. You had family time.
You had barbecue. I know.
I was relieved to see they were here, though, because when, you know, George and me was like, yeah, they're going to have Mexican Day and and my friends, I was like, what? Yeah, yeah. Mexican Day? Who did you think was going to be here? I was like, oh, I don't know, like a big old homie and a soprano or something.
I wasn't even told that it was Mexican Day. Oh, you weren't? Well, when I told you it was with the two people that are on here, you didn't make that assumption? No, I just thought that we were comics.
Oh, you're right.

He told me. And then I come here and it's a fucking like,

I didn't do this fucking thing.

The Spanish fuckers did this.

They tried to betray you.

It's a betrayal.

Again, the Spanish.

So I always think to myself,

if I see a Western or whatever, right?

I think to myself, oh, if I was an Asian back then, I'm who I am now. Yeah.
With all my eccentric behaviors and who I am, what would I do like a hundred years ago? What job would I have? What kind of woman would I have as a wife, you know, in America? What do you guys think you'd be doing? I would, I would have, oh, like if I grew up in my dad's era my dad was born in 1935 yeah um i probably would have been like him like a lot of labor work construction pool plastic little too so what's that got to do with what does that have to do with construction because if i owned the farm i would the ground? Because if I owned the farm, I would just go,

look at the little guy.

Yeah.

Fuck.

You know, you would have went to an interim camp

and not even being Japanese.

You probably would have been sent to an interim camp.

That's good.

Because they would have just been like,

we don't care if you're Korean.

I'm pretty sure there were some Koreans there like,

what are we doing here?

Right.

Like that, huh? Yeah. So you would be working.
What are we doing here? I know, right? It's like. You know, it's actually, that does sound like a Mexican accent.
If you did the whole like, what are you doing here? Go up. Yeah, go up.
What are you doing here? What about you, Cristela? I already know what you'd be, but go ahead. I come from a family that's very old fashioned.
My dad kidnapped my mom. What? In her village in Mexico.
Your dad kidnapped your mom? That's how people got married back then. God, on the simpler days.
I know, Jay. Oh, those were the days.
It's a bunch of Viencias right there. Imagine if you were still unfuckable in those days.
Like, you know. Well, what if my kidnap skills aren't good? You have to lure.
You would have no choice. They just smack you away.
No, the man would just go to the house and make the woman go with him, and the woman had no option. So that's my mom.
So I would say that if I was... Did she eventually fall in love with your dad? No dad.
No. Okay.
My mom was actually the first woman in her family to ever leave her husband. She tried to leave him and she went to her brother and her brother took her back to the husband.
Of course. That was abusive.
And he said, your job as a woman is to be his wife. Poor women.
To me, like, that's what I would. That's what I would say my life would be.
My life would be to just, I was raised as a kid in Texas to make sure that my brothers were taken care of. All the men, you know, had more rights than I was.
And that's why it's kind of weird that I get to do stand-up and that I've gotten to the place that I've been at because it's a total 180 from where I grew up in. You know, so, like, for me...
I was going to say you're going to be a community organizer or something. You seem like one of those people that would protest with the farm.
But that's half my life. Half my life is that.
Half my life is that. Right now that's what...
I'm going to D.C. tomorrow to do a...
Anyway, what about you, Frankie? I was going to go to D.C. tomorrow to put my feet around someone's dick.
He didn't let me finish. He wasn't here.
He wasn't here. Frankie, that's my side hustle.
I see Frankie's. I proposed this earlier.

Hey, homie, that's party.

If somebody DM'd you and said,

hey, bro, I'm a big fan.

I'm a billionaire, right?

How much would I have to pay you?

I don't know if a billionaire

talked like that.

Hey, bro, I'm a big fan. I'm a billionaire.

He invented lowriders.

He invented lowriders. Hey, bro.
I invented lowriders and mariachi. You invented mariachi.
Mariachi. Just one.
Mariachi. 500 years old.
One mariachi. You know what I mean? Is that a guitar or a singer or a player? Mariachi? Yeah.
It's a whole crew. It's a group.
Oh, a mariachi is a group. Yeah, the mariachis.
So if like one guy's like, whatever. You're still a mariachi.
You could still be a single mariachi. Morgan and Morgan.
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You rabbit fuck?

Yeah.

Like,

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

When guys rabbit fuck, do you like it or no?

I didn't even know rabbit fuck was a thing.

That's a girl.

She has a thing with a short guy.

I mean, Asia's called the sewing machine.

Oh, I don't fuck with a store guy.

You know what I mean?

What guy?

What did you say?

Short guy.

I thought you said store guy.

Yeah, store guy.

Okay, here we go. So no one's ever rabbit fucked you? Like really fast? No.
Really? So you do slow form? Yeah. Is that a short guy thing? What, slow form or a rabbit fucking? No, no.
I don't always rabbit fuck though. Do you always sewing machine? What? sewing machine all the time Every time Do you think that In your head I'm like Oh I'm fucking good Cause I'm rabbit fucking good No Why does he have a Mexican accent In his head Yeah Yeah No but I'll do slow form And then all of a sudden You know if you could see If I was a cartoon You would see a light bulb Above my head Oh right And then you would see That would vanish And you would see a sudden, you know, if you could see, if I was a cartoon, you would see a light bulb above my head.

Oh, right.

And then you would see, that would vanish.

You would see a rabbit, right?

And then I'm like, rabbit time.

Right?

And I'll do it for like 20 seconds.

It's hard.

Right?

Like hard.

And the girls, I don't know what their faces are like, but I don't think they like it.

I think they're like, like, this is weird.

It's too fast.

It's too fast.

This is for him.

Maybe it's too fast.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's for him.

I think I'm doing it for her,

but it's probably, yeah.

Oh, no, it's not for her.

It's not for her?

It's not for her at all.

That, right there,

when you start doing that,

they think that it's all about you and you're interested in getting it off and you're not gonna do shit for her. It's not for her? It's not for her at all.
Right there, when you start doing that, they think that it's all about you and you're interested in getting it off and you're not going to do shit for her. Oh, that's offensive what you just said.
Because it's true. No, because you're saying that when I rabbit fuck, at the end of my rabbit fucking, there's cum.
It's not. No.
I go back to slow form. No, no, no.
I'm saying that. I go back to slow form.
No, it's not offensive because I'm saying that's what they think at that moment. Oh

They don't know what's coming

When they I start going back into slow form I would say so

I can see them thinking that yeah, right?

He's ready to bust. Yeah, he's going to.
Right. Yeah.
Yeah. And they go, just kidding.
Just kidding. Yeah.
He's Mexican. She probably is relieved at that point.
Like, okay. Fuck.
All right. It's kind of like when you're playing a video game and you're full power of your character and And then you just, rabbit fuck is full power and then you're like,

oh, I gotta like wait to load up again.

Right, right.

The little energy bar kinda.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You gotta like take it to the edge and all and all.

Then it'll recharge.

Yeah, like you gotta find like a life support shit

or something, fuck up some crates, you know?

Well, I'm old and I'm not in shape.

I could rabbit fuck for days in my early twenties.

I always pictured you as a-

Who likes to rabbit fuck though as women?

I'm old and I'm not in shape. I could rabbit fuck for days.
In my early 20s. I always pictured you as a...
Who likes to rabbit fuck, though, as women? Are you serious? Bro, I could say rabbit fuck for days, bro. Well, you know what? Rabbit fuck is like a vibrator.
No, it's not. A vibrator is a vibrator.
I'm not the Flash. The Flash could do a vibrating stuff.
Babe, you're writing your own Yelp review. That's true.
That's true. I never asked.
I always pictured you as a, I'm just going to lay on my back and have the girl ride you. You seem like that kind of guy.
No, but I'm just kidding. I can see that.
I can see that. I can see that.
Because you're a slacker guy. Yeah, I can see that.
I totally would not picture you doing the sewing machine.

Because you even say it.

You don't like to do anything.

You're fucking lazy.

Wow, Bobby's accepting all of this.

He's really processing this.

Yeah, you know what's weird?

Whenever they say something, you laugh hysterically.

I say something just like this.

No. Okay, Johnny.

What happened?

Damn, dude.

Pivot panic. Pivot panic.
Pivot panic. Pivot panic.
What you're saying, I think about, right? Because it's very potent, what you're saying, and real. And I'm trying to analyze what you're saying.
That's why. Oh.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Because you do like being a girl on top, right? That's true. But can I say something right now? My friend.
Yeah. My old friend.
Amigo, yep. You can rap a style from the bottom.
What's up, dog? Oh. Kick him out.
You're doing the under power thrust. You're getting an undercarriage.
Right? You don't know my moves from the bottom. I'm on back.
I will tell you this. I think that women, or maybe me, when I meet a guy, I imagine how they're going to fuck.
Right. And sometimes I don't want to fuck them by what they look like.
All right. How about this? This is great.
Have you ever been surprised, though, when you thought you had a homie figured out? Rarely. Rarely.
Okay. How about this? But I'll tell you this.
And when I say, let me disclaim it. When I say by what they look like, I don't mean physical looks.
I mean by like, like when you were saying the slacker thing, like I agreed with you. Oh, like their vibe.
All right. So let's play this game.
Let's do that. Wait, wait.
You don't know Frankie, Johnny, or me. No.
Right? We're at a fucking... I've never fucked any of you.
None. We could be at a bar or a quinceanera.
Whatever you want. Okay.
I'll be saying quinceanera. Whatever you want in this scenario.
Okay? Yes. Let's go bar.
All right? Okay. So we're at a bar, right? In Albuquerque.
Been there. Love it.
Okay. So we're in a bar in Albuquerque, right? We're homies.
Us three, we walk in. Hey, homie.
You know how we do? Hey, homie. You know how we do it, right? And you're looking at us.
So go to Johnny first. How would he fuck? Just based on his look.
And be real, Johnny's a strong guy. He's a comic legend.
Thick skin. She doesn't know that whole backstory backstory though.
She's going based off just look. That's what she said.
That's what she said she can do. I would say that Johnny likes to take his time in a good way.
I think that just by looking at him, I know that he's not like he's not in his twenties. So he actually has been around where he might've picked up a couple lessons, like a lot of tips.
So I for me like just seeing that i'm like you know what if i saw johnny at a bar and like we were in that realm i would be like you know what i would maybe chance it you know what i mean i would probably you know it's like because because of the it's like what and by the way question like when i say that i, you know, that I guess what the guys are and stuff.

I also mean that I've talked to them a little bit, too.

You know what I mean?

We've talked.

So, okay.

You want to get some conversations going on?

I don't know.

I just wanted to have that.

Okay.

But you know kind of vaguely what he talks like. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I would be like, just from that and like what he looks like, I would be like, he might be

like a decent fuck. Frankie.
Frankie, I think. Bro, bro, bro, this could hurt.
So I'm just too excited. How do you feel right now? She's pretty spot on and I'll tell you.
Oh, so gross. Let me tell you why.
So gross. No, no.
Let me tell you why. Yeah.
I don't know if it's because I was raised with three older sisters, no brothers. Oh, here we go.
I take care of the woman first. It's all about her.
People rarely do that. Yeah, I know.
Like men rarely do that. Men don't.
It's all about them. So I take my...
I've always... I'm not lying.
I've been told I'm very very, one word that's been used for me for years and years, passionate. And I'm very passionate.
Oh, I almost vomited in my mouth. Yeah.
Oh, that's so, wow. I take my time.
Wow. I make sure she's all right.
I'm not going to do, yeah. Yeah, Frankie and I do that too, dog.
We do it too, dog. She's pretty close.
All right, let's go to Frankie now.

Now, I would think that Frankie, if we were at a bar, I would be excited to see him.

If we talk, I'm like, oh, you know what?

This could go either way.

He could either be really great, but I doubt it.

Because I actually think that he's the kind of guy that would probably have a couple choices.

And when people have a couple choices, they don't really focus on one person because they're spreading it around. So what you're saying is, I don't have any choices.
She's like, he would be happy to have me. Yeah.
He ain't got shit going on. He got a fucking water buffalo.
That's exactly what I'm saying. Exactly.
And that's true. How does it feel good? No, no, no.
And she's spot on. I've never been a guy that's had a bunch of options.
I've never been a woman that's had a lot of options. Like, I've never had options.
He's lying. Well, I'm telling the truth.
I've never had options.

You're lying.

That was only because they would see me perform

and I was young.

When he was young and the hottest comic in LA,

this guy used to be the hottest comic in LA, right?

Oh, I hate when he says this.

Dude, leather jacket.

I used to watch you from the back.

I'd go, this guy's a rock star.

A fucking rock star.

But the girls are hooked up with me because I was on stage, Bobby. How did any of us get it? Enough about that.
Not me. So here's the thing.
What are you looking at, bro? I know. Because I know pain's coming.
I know pain's coming, so I need some support. That's why I look at Carlos, right? I know some pain's coming.
I'm not going to lock eyes with you during this segment, all right? I'm going to look at Carlos, right? And I'm not going to have any expressions. Yes.
And I'm going to take it like a man. Go ahead.
Since you said that we had already talked, I think that I would consider you very hard to impress on my end. I think that you're actually somebody that, you know, because you think that you're not fuckable or whatever.
But the way that you talk, you're actually somebody that's very intimidating towards a woman. So because like the way that you talk, you're not playing any games that that the women are used to you are not like you are not what women

are used to dealing with so they don't know what the fuck to do with you so like imagine like you know that's why when johnny was saying that you look like a like because you give off the slacker vibes you would expect that the woman would be like dominant meaning that you want to be dominant and like not doing anything because and that is actually very confusing because at this point it's just like, wait either a i'm gonna have to do all the work because you seem like you don't give a shit enough like like where you're just like happy you're like calm you're where you are like whatever but when i talk to you it's just like man does he want to fuck or not and it's that thing where like So when we actually get to have sex. Fuck yeah.
You know, it's just like, man, does he want to fuck or not? And it's that thing where like, so when we actually get to have sex, you know, it's like, I don't, it's a riddle. Because, and I'll tell you this, I will say.
It was a mind game. I'm a Batman villain.
You're a henchman. Like you wait your turn.
I can't even be the main guy. Riddle me this.
No, you know why you're a henchman? Because people don't know shit about the backstory of the henchman. And that's you.
Oh, wow. You know what I mean? Everybody knows the fucking- But I am evil.
You got a bad side to you. Oh, there we go.
But with Bobby, do you think the end result would be satisfying or you'd be doing it too much work? There is no answer because Bobby- I will say fucking Bobby is having like, is buying a candy that's a mystery flavor. And you don't know.
Like a Harry Potter candy. I don't know anything about Harry Potter, but like Airheads, they have a mystery flavor that's like question mark.
You're like, question mark, what is it? Like you would be. I'm a mystery player.
He's like somebody that I wouldn't know. Which way it's going to go, right? Like I could have a dick or a platypus foot.
Oh, no, you definitely have a dick. You know what it is? It's like I would either expect that.
Like when you tell people like I could either be like fucking Bobby Lee. Yeah, that's a fucking fuck you, Frankie.
Fuck you, Frankie. I never saw you this interesting.
I'm like, oh know what because you know um i was actually saying this right i think right before we started recording it's like the reason i said like when bobby asked me to be on the podcast today i said yes i like bobby a lot because he's no bullshit so it's that thing where like he doesn't hold back he's very him so like that's the thing that for me i'm like whatever he says goes and it's just like and that's how you know who he is so at a bar if i saw you and we talked i'm like that's what like at least i know who the you are you're not telling me that you're looking for something serious you're not trying like just to get, like just to try to get me back into your house or anything. Now, it's our turn.
Hey by the way, I don't mean to pivot real quick, but she was talking about villains. I just want to ask a question, because I find myself, ever since I was a kid, I always gravitated to the villains and not the heroes me too okay like when i i remember watching the first you know the very first star wars and you know there's luke there's han solo whatever i just was like nothing nothing i'm just like this as soon as i saw darth vader i'm like there's my guy and i've always been i've i just lean toward i love the riddler i love the joker's my favorite villain because they're complex characters i mean you look at travis bickle from taxi driver right yeah i mean what a dark character but you're on his side because a lot of his um issues you kind of relate to you know the isolation the overthinking you know if I was in a stand-up comic

and had the life that i had i could see myself not become a killer or anything like that but i could see myself going dark and thinking a lot and you know i mean because i have weird inner thoughts you know i mean i just don't act on them and whatnot but i i relate to those characters me too is that what it is maybe that yeah. I think that to me it's kind of like I see certain villains as an underdog.
And it's because the way that we show the good the quote unquote good. How you're supposed to be kind of like the good team the good side is always very like oh man they're just perfect.
Vanilla. Like they're just oh man look at like they have the looks they have everything it's kind of like i always go back to like bad news bears right it's like a team of just like these like people that come in together and try to make it work and like they're seen as the underdog and a lot of the villains darth vader to me is kind of like a different thing because if you look at the merchandising, Darth Vader is just so dominant over the good side because the good side has so many heroes, but we always go back to Darth Vader, right? So he's dominant, right? But it's that thing where...
But there's just so empathy there because you have the emperor. Yes.
Right? So he's being manipulated too from a guy above him. A hundred 100% And then he had a lot of trauma As a young kid Yes Right Yes And anger issues Yeah yeah When you see the prequels You actually start thinking like When you see Anakin's rise You're thinking Oh now I know why he's Darth You know And you kind of can't Like what is it With like Princess Amidalia Or whatever It know, you start seeing and you're like, fuck, like now I get why he's a dick.
You know what I mean? Yeah. To me, that's why, like when we get to delve into the villains and honestly, I think that the villains, the villains and the heroes, those are labels that we create.
But in our everyday life, we have villains and we have heroes that we label because the heroes are nice to us and the villains aren't and sometimes the villains aren't nice to us because maybe we're the villains back to them you know so i love that kind of yeah i'm probably a villain when i drink right bobby oh yeah i changed to the villain yeah yeah um that's interesting yeah yeah you know you said you brought up teams Like the Bad News Bear When I was a kid My dad was a diehard 49er fan right So he had the whole outfit for me Can I just say something No no no Let me just finish You can finish I promise you'll finish I promise you'll finish Let me just Can I Right You're pivot king And I love it I'd love to see you work. Okay.
All right? Yes. Let's go on baseball now.
No, no, no, no. Let me just say this.
I'm not going to go into baseball. So I'm a 49er fan, right? The colors, gold, red, white.
It's bright. I started watching the Raiders.
They were mean. They were dirty.
They cheated. And they were black.

They were in black. And I just fell

in love with that team, dude.

Their jerseys were black.

Helmets silver.

Their hair

was outside of their helmets.

They were called mullets.

That wasn't even mullets. This is the

70s. So I remember

I switched to the, you know, broke my dad's heart. The rest of my family, all Niner fans, all of them.
And I went to the darks just because, like she said, she liked the bad news. I loved the Raiders because they were mean and dirty, dude.
And as a kid, I was just like, and I think that's because I got picked on a lot. You know what I mean? Because I was the smallest kid in the class Little guy You know what's funny is that my family I'm the only Cowboys fan Everybody in my family is Steelers And I totally understand that Steelers? Yeah Well because I want to say that in the 70s They had an exhibit game or something in Mexico And my family just became in love with the Steelers And because I was born and was raised in Texas I picked Cowboys and it's just that thing where like your family doesn't understand why like you know it's like right it's almost like you have a like like this problem yeah totally yeah man yeah but anyway I just was curious about villains people with I just didn't know that I but I guess other people do that and gravitate towards I love Bobby's facial expressions throughout all of it.
He hides nothing. You talk about trying to change it and he's like, oh, okay.
I love it. But how come he keeps doing that face when I talk? And nobody else.
I'll be completely honest with you. Can I be honest with you? Yeah, Bobby.
Of course. Because I know you the best.
I have a long history with you. Yeah.
Right. And yeah, I mean, I love you, man.
Yeah. I love you, too.
It's like if we visited Bobby's house, Frankie and I would use the guest bathroom. Oh, you're in the main.
Yeah. You're like, you get to use the fancy soaps.
My body yeah yeah we do go back man you know i met you and we met in 98 i know oh my god i know that's 25 years ago it's insane what 25 i thought it was 98 98 is that 25 years ago man i was gonna add 10 no you're thinking 90 you're thinking 88 8080 is 35 years ago. Man, I was going to add 10.
No, you're thinking 88.

88 is 35 years ago.

98 is 25.

How old do you think we are?

Well, apparently from your stories.

Well, I'm older than Bobby.

No.

But I've known you.

I was enamored by you.

Yeah.

Anyway. And I was the only one nice to Bobby at the comedy store.
Let me just say this, okay? Great episode. Oh, are we done? Yeah.
Number one great episode. Chemistry was great.
Yeah. I generally don't laugh that hard.
But with these ones, when I do this. He was going to say Mexican.
These ones? He was going to say Mexican. The Korean one was so fun, too.
Oh You like the theme ones not just themed I like being it with you know People that I like that are funny and seeing what the mixture because even the last one I didn't know what the mixture would be like it just could have gone awry. Yeah, yeah, I mean yeah I even call Carlos And I go I don't know what this mixture is gonna be like

But it was it's just beyond you know I mean

Expectation Johnny can you look at this camera and say gracias por ser malos amigos

Say that again For ser malos amigos

Gracias gracias por ser malos amigos. Gracias.
Gracias por ser... Malos amigos.
Malos amigos. Parcias? Gracias.
Oh, gracias. You said like you said parcias.
No, no, no. Because he's a Spaniard.
He's a Spaniard. Is there a word? Bacias? Parcias? Is there anything? Parcias? No.
No, there isn't. So...
I know. I don't know that.
I know, right? I've never heard of that before. So, you would just assume it'd be gracias.
I would, if somebody said, hey, say thank you. I would just go, gracias y todo.
That's all I would say. Does that cover it? Gracias y todo? No, because what he's trying to say is, the way we close the show is, somebody looks in the camera and goes, thank you for being a bad friend.

Oh, that's right.

Okay.

Oh.

Gracias por ser malos amigos.

Supacios.

Go ahead.

Gracias.

Don't help him again.

Just do it.

Whenever it comes out.

Okay.

Go ahead.

Gracias.

Gracias por ser malos amigos. Thank you.
Is that close? What did I say? That was actually pretty good. Okay.
All right. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Woo.

Yeah.

Woo.