Bruce Wang & Wolverasian ft. Josh Peck

Hey, Bad Friends fans, I'm still down on the night, and I can't wait to get back to the US of A to go on tour. Me and Bob and the crew are coming to your city.
We're doing 33, 34 cities. Who knows, but go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com to get those tickets.
That's the place we added dates, we added cities, we added shows, badfriendspod.com. And also, Oklahoma City, St.
Louis, Louisville, Nashville, Memphis, Norfolk, Virginia, Durham, and Charlotte. Where are you at?

You guys are the cities that we're coming to that you may not know about because we added dates and added time. So go to badfriendspod.com to get those tickets to see me and Bob and the crew do stand up, do stuff from the show, do all sorts of fan interactions, have the best time of i love you very much thank you for being a bad friend you two are bad friends who are these two idiots white dude and asian dude you two are disgusting you two are something we're bad friends i i feel like i'm a happy joe happy Joe lucky.
I'm a happy lucky Joe.

Happy Joe, how do you say it?

Happy go lucky.

Happy go lucky.

I don't know where Joe kicks from.

Yeah, yeah.

You know these American like sayings and lingos, I don't know much about them.

You know what I mean?

Capisce?

I know what capisce is.

That's not, that's Italian.

Oh, right, right, right.

Capisce.

Capisce.

What does that mean?

No idea.

Is it a food? No, capisce, like understood. Oh.
I feel like I've had capisce on bread before. No.
Yeah, no, it's capisce spread. Oh, that's caprese.
My bad. Anyway, let's start.
We're bad friends. Can I tell you something? Yeah.
I'm done. I know.
You already told us. I'll tell you why.
These women, they be at cray-cray.

Yeah, cray-cray did.

Okay.

I set up dates.

They cancel.

Oh.

Right?

Wow.

They say,

oh, I want to date somebody younger.

Who?

They flaky.

Let's hang out.

And then you text them three or four times.

No response.

Wow.

Women be crazy.

Cray-cray.

Okay.

Let's introduce the people in the room let's start let's start there okay josh peck i'm telling you man i love you man you're a good guy i love you you're a good guy and um i really honestly like you know dude i'll be honest with you could be one of the best guys. Thank you.
It's in your eyes.

It crinkles.

Wow.

You know, I've said this before.

When you see this, the crow's feet,

it's because they're smiling.

Do you know that?

They smile a lot.

Am I a good white?

That was so good.

I know you, baby.

You're a good white.

Thank you.

You're one of the best whites.

They should bring rickshaws back, but that's just my own opinion. They still have them in some places.
Do they really? Yeah. Where? I don't think they have.
I haven't seen a rickshaw in years. Well, is a rickshaw different than a tuk-tuk? Yeah, a rickshaw is.
That's not a rickshaw. That's a rickshaw.
Oh, like a human power. The human is the guy, right? So imagine having a rickshaw, but having Uber.
Yeah. Oh, that'd be so cool.
You'd be in such good shape. Right, but also you call your Uber, three hours later, you're still not there.
Right. And you're just coming up here.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You think Greta Thunberg wants human powered rickshaws? That's her name? I think.
I don't know her name, but I'm sure it's not Thunberg. I'm pretty sure it is.
I think Greta Thornburg.

Thunberg?

I think it's Thunberg, but then I think the proper, like, proper, proper.

Yes.

Thun.

You would know.

Thank you.

That's right.

My bad.

I apologize.

Good white.

The guy that... You're a very good white.

Very good white.

You think he's a good white?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So kind.

Same to you.

No, thank you.

But back when they had rickshaws, let me ask you, were there no horsies around? Must have been. Right.
Like, who was the first guy to do that? Like, should I get on your back? No, let me come up with something. Yeah.
You know what I mean? Just push it. And then a year later, it's like, look at it.
You know what I mean? I don't know. Where was it mostly? Asia.
Right. You don't see rickshaws in Africa, right? Detroit.
It'd be so fast in Africa. You know what I mean? The best rickshaw.
I was just, you know what I mean? What? You can't. We went back in the room.
That's funny. Right? Having a rickshaw.
Right? In Ireland. You go in circles.
They're so drunk. Right? You would never get to wherever you're going.
Right? Rickshaw's in. That's it.
That's all you got. Yeah, that's all I got.
I feel like they still have them in the Renaissance Festival. No.
I'm pretty sure if you go to the Renaissance Festival. It's a carriage.
They would have a carriage. I think some people do it.
So white people did do rickshaws back in the day? Well, the Renaissance Festival isn't entirely based on fact. I don't think so.
I think some of it's fake. Who goes to Renaissance Festival? Yeah, who goes? Yeah yeah i love the renaissance what do you love about it well my dad and my stepmom got married there so i i grew up stop what stop stop i never told you that i just doesn't make it any sense so your your mom no your stepdad no my my dad and my your dad and your stepmom got married a renaissance festival.
Yeah. Did they dress up as well? Oh, yeah.
We all did. Like a maiden.
Your dad's like, I'm Legolas. Pretty much, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Wow.
Call me Fryer Talk. Wow.
He really did have long hair at the time. And why? They love medieval times.
We'd go to the Renaissance Festival every year. We had friends.
They had friends who worked at a shop there. So we'd even go there off season and see the fair like when people just live there.
People live there? Yeah. When people live at a Renaissance Fair? Yeah.
Some of those shops are just like houses. Are you fucking kidding me? No.
Let me ask you something. So they live like the people did in the medieval times? More or less.
So there's no flushing toilet? I think they have plumbing. Well, that's cheating.
Yeah. If you're going to go, go all the way.
Yeah. You eat their fucking food.
Yeah. Turkey legs.
What? Big turkey legs. Big turkey legs.
Yeah. Yeah.
Or starve at times. How do you guys not like the Ren Ferry? It's so fun.
Oh, let me guess. Because Asians weren't around then.
It's one of those things where it's like, if I was there, I'd be like, yeah, I don't belong here. Jews too.
Jews too. We don't belong there.
We don't belong there either. I never thought of it like that.
I'm sorry. I've been very ignorant.
Yeah, I mean. But you guys can go now.
But it's so weird to. I'm a grown up.
Yeah, me too. I won't even go to Burning Man.
Would you? Do you go? Burning Man? Yeah. No.
I've had so many people invite me. Yeah.
What's wrong with them? What are they searching for? And you're sober, right? Yeah, yeah. And I know some sober people that go there too.
I hear that too. Yeah, I think with...
I really don't know because there's the things that I don't like about it is sand. You know what I mean? I don't like sand.
Do you like sand? No one likes sand. No one likes sand.
No matter what... You like sand? I grew up in the desert.
I grew up in Arizona. What the fuck?

In a wig one?

Yeah, yeah.

You were in a prefab house with the Spanish food.

We have sand in LA as well.

Yeah, but I like a fun thing to do on a Saturday was go walk around the desert.

Yeah, okay.

Where the scorpions live?

Here's another thing I don't like.

Fire dancing.

It's so dumb.

Now, look at me.

You know what I mean?

You know, I'm jump roping, but these are fucking, this is on fire.

Yeah.

And then they do these moves and everyone goes, oh, yeah.

Do you like it?

Be honest.

Have you seen a fire dance before?

I don't like any of, I have two kids.

I drive a, I drive the lower end Teslala right oh you do yeah i'm very economical but you could get a higher end i did and then elon raised the prices and i couldn't justify it in my mind but you could still do it sure oh so you don't so if you and i were like hey let's let's go to dinner it's my birthday and i go i to go to this restaurant. Are you going to be like, no? Oh, yeah.
No, I'm going to spend on that. Because A, I'm a big boy.
A, I'm a sober king. So food is my final frontier.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm just not going to spend money to go to 10 days in Nevada with someone named, you know, Sage.

Yeah.

That's a guy named Sage.

Yeah.

A dude named Sage telling me about like how the banking system's failing.

That might be true.

But like,

you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I don't want to have these conversations.

Yeah.

And also it's like,

I don't want,

I have money.

Yeah. They trade like here's a Snickers bar for a fucking,

you know what I mean?

Massage.

Yeah.

Or tissue paper. Yeah.
It's like, I could go to Vons, bitch. Yeah.
Right? And I have money. I could go to Four Seasons.
What's better, Four Seasons or the desert? It's Four Seasons. Four Seasons is more, right? Yeah.
But these people like Sage and conspiracy theorists and all these people, like, here's the problem. Go ahead.
If they're right, let's just fucking end things. You know, cause like, I don't wanna believe that a guy named Sage knows what's really up.
Fucking, my thoughts, exactly. Let's end it all.
Let's end it all, dude. Yeah.
Because I, I want to say this, man. I dated a girl, right? Who believes that Hollywood is this big cabal of pedophiles.

Oh, not me.

And they drink baby's blood, right?

Yeah, yeah.

And I looked at her.

Adrenochrome.

Adrenochrome.

Yeah.

And then her argument was this.

Well, Sandra Bullock ate baby.

Cannibalism.

I go, how?

She bought a cream, a face cream,

and they used baby circumcised the tip yeah for skin what's it called for skin they call it for skin I mean when I say tip do you understand what I'm saying right but I I use the property okay for skin all right to each his own but all right for skin so they take the foreskin of a baby right and i don't know how they remove that but i'm sure it's quick the scalpel really you can just tear it off i have two kids that had to do it oh you did it no no i didn't do it but i was in the room outside oh that'd be cool if you did it i'd be nervous but in a jewish ceremony it's the rabbi doing it i thought that i thought in jew let me ask you about judaism please i'm here let me ask you something i thought the judaisms don't do it they leave the skin on no we created it yeah what do you mean they're all doing it yeah yeah so you do cut it off oh yeah where yeah oh you guys created it yeah all right so i because all right i thought that was a judaism that they don't you haven't seen students list let's just stop stop stop literally i this is the first time i want to say this okay not one word did i understand not one word Did I understand And I think your problem Is this Okay You see a window Of an opportunity To talk But you just Because you think it's me And I'm gonna cut you off So you do it as quick As you can And it comes out weird So let me tell you Something bud Alright How about this Dude give me a symbol when you're going to say something.

And I'll give you 10 seconds.

I'll give you 10 seconds, dude.

And you say it slow.

I'll give you that moment again, okay?

He needs a verbal crossing line.

Yeah.

So I think I got what you're saying.

Have I ever seen Schindler's List?

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Great movie.

You're right.

But what's the point?

They're naked.

And that's how they discover who is a Jew.

Thank you. what you're saying have i ever seen schindler's list yes yes i did great movie you're right but what's the point they're naked and that's how they discover who is a jew and who's not uh yeah yeah yeah it's a rough time it was a rough time i'm so sorry thanks yeah i don't think you had anything to do with it though your people we didn't know but um because you know we had rickshaws and to get over there it's a long way and stuff yeah um but you know we've been oppressed as well, no.
No. Because, you know, we had rickshaws.
And to get over there, it's a long way. Yeah, it's tough.
Yeah. But, you know, we've been oppressed as well, Koreans.
But what you guys suffered. Anyway, really sad time.
So, anyway, Sandra Bullock got a cream with the circumcised. With the foreskin.
The foreskin. I wasn't going to say it.
With the foreskin. With the tip.
Right. And then this girl that was dating goes, but that's cannibalism because it's like she's absorbing it through her face.
That's consuming. And I go, I don't know if that's quite the same thing as cannibalism, but what do you think? Where were they getting the foreskin from? Koreans? They are.
I think. Well, the Korean foreskins.
They're not getting like fucking. You know what I mean? Ethiopian foreskins.
No, a company that's making face cream uses foreskins in their fucking crease. There's no way.
You're thinking maybe like stem cells or something. No, that's what she said.
Well, that girl is wild. Look it up.
That girl is insane. There's no way.
Why? i tried the foreskin facial treatment okay i stand correct yeah i mean they're doing it they're using the foreskin from who who's donating that the baby first of all let me ask you when you have a baby right let me ask you something when you have a baby i'm gonna take that home they don't take it home they put it in the fucking red basket yeah but's done, right? You think L'Oreal has a baby farm? Yeah, but that's what, France or whatever. Where's that? Right, right, right.
It's a Korean cream. What, L'Oreal is? No, no, no.
You were saying. Yeah, the Koreans.
The foreskin. Do it differently.
We use everything. Fuck yeah, you do.
If they kill a pig, we'll use all of it. I love that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
But she's saying that they absorb it and that's cannibalism.

Do you agree?

I wouldn't call it cannibalism.

Yeah. But it is a byproduct of a human.

Yeah.

Do you think eating a human would taste good?

That's a fair.

I've thought about this so many times.

I really have.

Let's jump in

Tasteful

It depends how you prepare it

I don't think I could do sashimi

No

What?

Rick tartare

Steve tartare

Even in a bruschetta

I don't think I would want it

I think I need it cooked Well Yeah. Well done.
What do you think? Seasoned, blackened? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Cajun? Like a Cajun-y thing? Cajun Dan? Yeah, Cajun Dan. What if you could like get some of his powers through that, you know? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Or my dick got longer or something.
That'd be cool. I once had a dinner with the guy who was at the forefront of like the FDA approved penis enlargement surgery.
What? Yeah, like there's an actual, like they cut it in the middle, they extend it, it heals, and then all the collagen that gets built up, everything sort of like replaces, and you're like, you can gain an inch. It's mostly for growers, not showers.
You know what I'm saying? Yeah. It's for growers.
Because I'm a grower. Right.
Right. So when I'm in a spa and I'm there with other people, I kind of want to say to people, I don't think they care, but I just want to say that to people.
Like, it grows. Right you don't say you sit in your mind you know what i mean you'd be weird if you said it out loud a little sign right yeah but i just want people to know like i feel like girls right now they don't want to date me because they think my dick's small but it's not you talk about it a lot though about what your your penis i love it yeah and you talk about how it gets bigger than it looks you're really poking i'm in a real vulnerable place man you're really poking i don't mean to yeah yeah i'm sorry for bringing it up all the time no i mean any girl's dates you should know yeah why are they surprised that's all that's all i want to do yeah there's people listen to this podcast i'm just throwing it out there i can't believe these girls aren't texting you back That's so.
Why are they surprised? That's all I want to do. Yeah.
If there's people listening to this podcast, I'm just throwing it out there. I can't believe these girls aren't texting you back.
That's so rude. You think so? Yeah.
Thank you so much. I think you're on my side.
I am. And it feels good.
Yeah. Let's go back to eating.
When was your last physical rendezvous? This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. You guys, BetterHelp has helped me and Andrew through a lot.
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Andrew. Right.
Yeah. I had Depeche mode.
Like the end. They over the years.
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Right. Corners.
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Before I went on my trip. So I had a physical rendezvous With somebody that I had met one time She's beautiful And we had sexual intercourse Ew, I don't like how you said that Why? I don't know, it sounded like clinical Yeah, I'm very clinical about it I go fucking gloves the whole time Now I'm very like, get on your back.
I'm very precise. I need stage direction.
You know what I mean? Like when I fuck people, it's like, you know what I mean? Walk in the room. Paper sheets.
Right. Say this line.
Right? I make them do it over again. Sure.
If they get it fucked up, fuck it up. Yeah.
And then I go, but doggy, generally they have to lead me into that i don't do doggy because you're kind of there's no way out of this because you're a little go ahead try well we're friends the reality is you're a good white Go ahead Because Of your smaller stature Say it the way you mean it You used to say about That you were Because she's a taller That it was The proportions were tough You know It was like two puzzle pieces that look like they should fit.

And then you put them together and you go,

no, it's a corner piece.

Yeah.

But I have to say, all right,

my argument against that though is

I don't think it's that anymore.

Okay.

I just think that balancing,

you know, I'm not a balancer.

I wouldn't be a good like stewardess. Is that an airplane stewardess no uh what do you call them flight attendant i wouldn't be a flight attendant i'm just not good at balancing yeah i'd just be like whoa you're copying yeah the drinks would yeah so um that's not good for me the log thing i'm not at.
Were there... No, you put a log in the lake.

You didn't put a log in the lake.

I thought that was a sexual position.

I did too.

No, no, no, no.

No.

Yeah, the log in the lake, that.

Sure, sure, sure.

I wouldn't be good at that.

Fair.

Yeah.

What other positions aren't you great at? Side. I'm not good at side.
Everyone's good at side. I'm not good at side.
Because you just get to kind of rest. I know, but you still have to do...
I think you're exercising muscles that I don't exercise. Right? So imagine you're on the side, right? This muscle right here on my right side, i'm yeah see it hurts right now right so i don't really use this muscle so it's not developed yeah yeah i mean they should have they should have a school or something or or you know we come up with an actual like mechanism like a weight lifting you know mechanism that um strengthens the muscles that you would use in sexual positions yeah why don't they have that Why don't't they have that? You know what I mean? Seems simple.
Right. And so one of them will say like side position and then you just have like a little thing and you know what I mean? It's something that you just kind of work on.
Like male porn stars could teach it. That's true.
Manuel Ferreira. Right.
They do it like Peloton. Rocco Sofredi.
We do it like Peloton where they're on the screen. Yeah.
You know guys get on your side and one two right right but they both have italian accents yeah i'm on the machine i'm on the machine go ahead i'm turning it on okay here we go welcome guys wow good job yeah now you have to really use your hips Bobby Yeah Nice Very good Thank you There's something we should come up with I think so I think there's something there I think we're remiss Yeah So I'm not good at side Are you good at side? Yeah great at it Wow That's a bold statement I really I'm really working hard in there i want to be i want to impress i want to yeah i can tell you can tell i don't have a dad when i'm having sex oh there's some rage no it's just like come home oh you know it's just like if i'm really good will you come home dad whoa so there's some vulnerability there then. Maybe.
Yeah. I'm at a walking vulnerable, let's be honest.
Yeah. Yeah, fragile.
Do you initiate or no? I feel like if I initiated as many times as I'm feeling like I want to, the level of rejection would kill me. From your wife? Just because it's not – like, I would just do it every day.
And I think what I've learned is that's not reasonable. I don't think it's healthy though, do you think or no? Every day? Every day? I think it's probably healthy.
But yeah, it feels good. It's so fun.
It seems healthy, yeah. Yeah, right? Yeah.
Why not? What's it like living alone? Yeah. It's amazing.
I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I feel really free.
I feel like a lot of my stuff was in storage for the last few years and I finally unpacked it. And I feel like I've got a part of myself back that's been missing for a long time.
And I feel like the success I've gotten from this podcast and from Bobby, it's now physically represented in my space. And I feel like I have a home to go home to.
That really touches me. I'm so happy.
Me too. Right? The freedom of that.
She deserves it, I think. I think you do deserve it.
Yeah. You do deserve it.
And I want to say that... Do you want to do a contest to see who can cry first? No, you're a better actor.
Not necessarily. I think you are.
I just feel it coming. Sorry.
Alright, go. You go first.
No, I can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whoa, you could tap into it, right? No, I'm just very- You're really- I'll be your happy for her? I'm happy for her. Oh, I know the- You're the best person.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm so happy for you too.
I'm so happy for you too I'm so happy for you You're pushing I'm pushing Congratulations You're really fucking kicking it up This is so funny I got a. Obviously, Bobby.
I couldn't have done it without Bobby in the podcast.

Andrew, too.

Andrew, too.

Andrew, too.

Why?

Why?

She's thanking you.

Other comedians helped me, too.

I got a bed from Anthony Jessenek.

Whoa.

He's sponsored by Helix, so he couldn't use the-

That's not going to make me cry. Yeah cry Yeah yeah But he gave you a call? Yeah And he made a call for you? Yeah He's a good dude I saw him last night What a good dude They mailed it to my house And then he's also getting a new TV So I'm getting all his old stuff Wow But he's like rich So his old stuff is cool to me He mentioned last night he got a new TV I old one.
Oh that's amazing. Yeah.
I want to give back to my peers but my stuff's not as cool. So what do you have to give back to the people below you? I have like my toothbrush.
I think I'm going to get an electric one. A good? Really? Yeah.
So I'll give them my old one. So you're really changing every aspect of your life right now.
Yeah, I would say so. And I've been hiking a lot with my dog.
Everything's good. I'm getting right into routine right before we go on tour.
But watch, though. I think you're still okay? I'm getting there.
Okay, good. Yeah.
And I just want to warn you, right? Some of the people that you started with, they might start turning. Be very careful.
What do you guys mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? You're shaking your head yes. Yeah, they're going to fucking hate you.
Why? Because that's people. That's people.
When you become successful, some people around you, they change. Right? And they start talking shit behind your back.
They become hostile. Not in front of you sometimes, but it's hidden.
But be very careful. Well, can you give me some examples of what to be careful? Okay, I'll give you an example.
Me and Chuck. All right, I'll give you an example.
Okay, we work at the comedy store, right?

Because she works at the comedy store

as sometimes a lot person,

the door, right?

We got the same job years ago with you, right?

We were a lot of people together,

door people together,

Josh and I, right?

Okay.

And we're still at the same level

as we were, right?

You're taking off, right?

And we would probably go,

hey, Jess, how are you?

Good.

How's things going? Good. How are you guys? Same.
Same. Same.
Same. Yeah.
Anyway, see you later. She leaves, and then him and I have a one-hour rip.
Who the fuck did she- Helix matches. Jessel neck.
She never stopped talking about Jessel neck. Jessel neck.
Jessel neck. Jessel neck Jessel neck Jessel neck Jessel neck

That happens

Oh my god

And it's probably happening now

You're such a good person that it doesn't even matter

Pray for your enemies

And then make a list

Cause you're doing better than you've ever done

Bobby and I'm not just saying that

God bless you and take care

Do you still have an active list of your enemies Thank you. a list because you're doing better than you've ever done bobby and i'm not just saying that just

take it in how about that do you still have an active list of your enemies oh yeah it's not an active it's not they're not enemies in the sense of people that i have my eye on sure you're right like i you know i have my eye on them and what if they say stuff or they behave in a way that feels weird to me.

I don't lash out.

I just, I write it down.

I write it down. I write it down in my mind.
Yeah. You know what I mean? Like she said this.
He said this. He did this.
You know what I mean? It's always like something very passive aggressive. Right.
Or like there was one comic who. This person's probably going to hear this right now,

but I'll just say it.

I helped this person out a lot.

And then this person was bringing me up on stage

at the comedy store.

When this person was bringing me up,

they said,

they said,

they said,

oh, this next guy hasn't changed his act in 20 years.

And it's like 1980s type of comedy

but if you're into that here he is

damn

and I was in the back

and this person's doing well

I was in the back and you could just see

my fucking

brain swirling

and my resentment rising

and then I went up I was fine

I didn't rip this person apart

but

I had my eye on him

Thank you. and my resentment rising and just and then i went up i was fine i didn't rip this person apart but um i had my item i don't think nikki glazer listened Nikki, I love you, okay? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but do you have resentments or do you have enemies? Yeah, plenty. You do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like other actors? Other actors, just people, casting directors, producers. Oh, dude, casting directors is huge for me.
Oh my God. Yeah.
Huge. Yeah.
Yeah. Because they say things to my agent and my agent says things to me.
He doesn't hide. That's good though.
I like it that way. It's right.
He says it like word for word. Yeah.
She just doesn't think you're talented. No.
Or something like that. And you hear it and you go, okay, thanks for telling me the way it is.
Enjoy your 10%. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I hang up and I'll just sit there. What I just said there wasn't that big of an exaggeration.
That's crazy. I've had people say, casting directors go, he's not a star.
And things of that nature. What does that mean? I don't know.
Who's a star in your profile? Brad Pitt. Matt Damon.
Brad Pitt. That's different though.
No one is that. Those are anomalies.
That's a total anomaly. The top of the, yeah, yeah.
Like, so who's a star in your ballpark? Ronnie Chang. And so they would say like, he's not Ronnie Chang.
Yeah. He doesn't have the Chang effect.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He doesn't have the Chang effect.
That's exactly it. The way you just said that, right?

Really fucking hit home.

Thank you so much.

It's something that I would hear probably, though.

He doesn't have that, you know what I mean?

I mean, Jung is the number one guy.

Ken Jung is the number one guy.

Still?

No, but there was a time where I would hear that.

Right.

Like, you're third in line, but Ken's going to do it.

Stuff like that. And that's fine.

When other actors beat me out, I'd say that's fine right it's just when cast readers are these like gatekeepers you know I mean when you can tell they don't like you you can just tell right and you don't know how to respect because I don't you know you and I we're both recovering alcoholics and I say that so we're very sensitive the most dude I'm so sensitive most. Dude, I'm so sensitive.
Yeah. I mean, you guys know how sensitive I am, right? Look at them.
They're all nodding their heads. Yeah, they need a camera.
I'm like a fucking open sore of sensitivity, right? Same. So it's like, sometimes when I hear the information or I'm sensing something and I'm trying to like get to a healthy place with it, it's so for me it's i spend sometimes days dwelling on something right right and then it gets to a point where it's like oh there's nothing i can do can i tell you a funny story yeah go ahead i once after i've seen the same therapist for over 15 years so he's literally heard the same shit every thursday for 15 years right yeah yeah one time i'm lamenting about where i am at my career, and I mentioned these two actors and Seth Rogen, who are just so far ahead of me.
And he goes, you know, and he's, this guy's like good to me, like always on my side, always, because he knows how hard I am on myself. He goes, well, to be honest, I've never heard of those other two guys.
And then he goes, but you're never going to be Seth Rogen. Who said that? My therapist.
Your therapist said that? But he's right. No, he's not.
In the sense of- No, he's not. He's not.
He's not. He was just- No.
I'm making him sound worse. That's insane.
I love you. Okay, go start.
I love you, Tom You're great, Tom. No, but what I'm saying is, he was like, Seth Rogen is a generational talent.
Like what you said before, Matt Damon and the other person you said, these are generational folk. So they are in a, they're Zeus, they're the gods.
But can I just say this though? Let me make that argument, all right? Okay, okay, okay. There was a time where Bob Odenkirk had been around for a very long time.
And before Breaking Bad, you would have never said – somebody would have said to Bob Odenkirk, you're never going to be like so-and-so. But now he's exceeded them.
My point is that it can happen at any time in life. You have the talent.
You have the likability. You have the know-how.
You never know. So that statement is just not true to me because odenkirk is killing it killing it yeah and he is old brian cranston before fucking breaking bad yes i mean he was the fucking father on malcolm in the middle he'll never if he'll he'll never be denaro in many ways he.
Bryan Cranston. Yeah.
Yeah. There's only one De Niro.
I know. It's Robert De Niro, but there's only one Bryan Cranston.
These shoes. That's true.
You're right. You're never going to be Robert De Niro.
I did a movie without Pacino, and he was so cool. And I literally was this close to him, and I was like, there's only one of you.
I mean, I was this close. He's your- You said that out loud? He's your- Well, you said, there's only one of you.
Al Pacino, that's what you said? And he was like, oh. What do you mean? Really? The one thing I'll always remember is we were doing this scene together and halfway through he goes, I'm exhausted.
Wow. And I was like, yeah, dude, it's a lot like he was in his early 70s but he was the coolest the coolest what movie was it it's called danny collins crazy cast really who else is in it annette benning oh my god uh christopher plumber holy shit bobby cannavale you know what's so great about you is that you can live in both worlds.
Isn't that great?

I'm lucky.

Yeah.

I'm really lucky.

And that's, in many ways, some of these people are talking, what are you looking up?

It's Danny Collins.

Oh, cool.

Yeah, yeah.

I know him.

Let's move on.

I know him.

Let's move on.

It's a fictional character.

Oh, that's it.

Oh, that's it.

That's the name of the movie.

Oh, that's a fictional character.

You're such a liar.

I'm just lying.

I'm just lying. I'm so sorry.
I got caught in a lie. I got caught in a lie I got caught in a lie Do you find yourself lying I lie all the time More or less With how successful you are I lie more I lie I lie It's not that I lie I just don't tell the truth Sure Yeah yeah yeah Just things come out I don't have a thing Where it's like Because it's like When I want to move on From something I, I lie.
Like if I'm walking down the street and go, hey, did you see John McClellan, the movie? Yeah. And I'll go, yeah, great.
Because I don't want him to try to pitch it to me. Yeah.
You got to see it because this performance is a performance of a lifetime. You know what I mean? And I just want to move on.
So I love that movie. He's going to win an Oscar.
And I'll just move on. I lie in that way.
What about if someone goes like, hey, Rick says hi. And you have no idea who Rick is.
Oh, I love those. Tell Rick I said hi.
I love him. Let me do it.
Let me do it. All right, go ahead.
Bobby. Yeah.
Hey, Rick says hi. Tell Rick I love him.
I will. Okay.
His mom's sick. Rick has a mom? She's doing bad.
Rick's doing bad. You're right.
But maybe you're Rick. Right? Right.
You could be Rick in that situation. So do it again.
Do it again. Hey, Bobby, Rick says hi.
Come on, Rick. Vroom.com.
Hey, baby. With Vroom.com, you can shop thousands of cars right from your phone

and have your next ride delivered straight to you,

just like Bobby did and I did for my mom.

You got your car.

And your mom got a car.

And my mom got a car on Vroom.com.

I love it.

Do you know why?

Why?

I'm not going around from dealership to dealership.

That's why I did.

You said, hey.

I said, no more.

Can I do it from my phone?

Yeah, Vroom is the better way to buy your next ride, guys.

You know what it is?

You never have to haggle or negotiate.

Is that what it is? That is. You got a full week.
I talked to Bobby. He goes, what if I don't like the car? I said, dude,room is the better way to buy your next ride guys you know what it is you never have to haggle or negotiate is that what it is that is you got a full week i talked to bob he goes what if i don't like the car i said dude this is the best part you get a full week or 250 miles whichever comes first to make sure you like the ride and if you don't know by 250 or a full week come on man you don't know all the cars andrew on vroom.com come with a 90 day limited warranty and a one year of roadside assistance nationwide all over peace of mind

while on the road you can trade in your old car bob your old car i can well you gave it to jewels but you still could trade it in trade it you should have or by the way you could just sell your car to vroom just give it to him when you sell your car in vroom you get a price instantaneously there's no haggling and none of that back and forth you you too at home you can buy a car from vroom entirely online so next time you need to buy a car just grab your phone go to vroom.com and check out thousands of cars.

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The biggest store I've ever done a scene with is, well, Cade Blanchett, but then Ben Kingsley too. Me too.
Sir Ben. You work with Sir Ben? Did you have to call him Sir Ben? Yeah.
Me too. Yeah.
They told me to do it. Yeah.
They do tell you. Yeah.
When you show up, you got to call him Sir Ben. I go, Ben who? Kingsley.
I don't know him. You can't do that.
I go, Sir Ben. Okay.
And then when I said, Sir Ben, he's really sweet. The best.
The best. He sat on a couch and I was sitting there and he just sat down

because his back hurt or whatever. And we were

between the camera centers. He didn't want to go,

what's so funny? I don't know.

His back hurt? I don't know.

I don't know if it hurt, but he went, aye, aye, aye.

You know what I mean?

It might not hurt.

You think I'm lying? Yeah, possibly.

Yeah, yeah. He sat down though.

Okay. You think I'm lying about that? I believe that.
Okay. You know, Pete, I tell you this right now, right? So, and then I don't know how we got into it.
He talked about Gandhi, right? And he goes, did you know that a million people showed up for that scene? So when you're watching it, because in the movie Gandhi, you see everyone picking up Gandhi. Right.
Right. In today's world, you would see GI all that in.
But back in the day, in the 80s, a million people showed up because they knew that they were doing a movie about Gandhi, about his death. And they all, if you watch the movie, people are just carrying him.
Wow. You know how insane?

Imagine like the AD on that show.

It would be a fucking nightmare.

Yeah.

Right?

COVID protocols.

Wait, thank God.

Imagine testing all those guys.

Six feet.

Yeah.

Does what he did in Gandhi, Sir Ben,

does that seem like magic to you?

What do you mean? Like I do, there are certain performances where I can – even great performances where I can be like, I can see the sleight of hand. I can see the trick.
Right. And then there are some performances where I'm like, I don't know how he did that.
Yeah, you kind of – it could be a documentary. Is that what you're saying? Like some Daniel Day-Lewis shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That high level.
Well, because as a young person watching it, I didn't know who know who ben i thought it was an indian old indian guy right right you don't know that he's an english dude you know i mean but he um you ever seen that movie in fact when you say you know daniel day lewis is in the movie right do you know he was in gandhi yeah yeah yeah he plays a street thug and he has six lines. Do you guys know that?

Daniel D. Lewis.

And he's in high school, I think.

Look up Daniel.

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah.

He's a kid.

That's like Sam Rockwell has one scene in Basquiat.

No.

Yeah.

But he's like, and he's really good and really young, but he's still like Sam Rockwell.

So he's like beating out Basquiat and he's like, hey man, give me your money.

Oh really?

Hey man.

Yeah.

Oh wow.

He's like, I'm beating you up Basquiat.

Do you play video games?

No.

I have sex with girls.

Fuck you guys.

Fuck you.

You're okay white now.

You guys play?

So white.

I do.

Are you playing Hogwarts Legacy?

No.

Okay.

Is it the number one game to ever be created?

Thank you. white now you guys play anybody i do you guys are you playing hogwarts legacy no okay is it the number one game to ever be created sorry no i just took me a second to hear what you say hogwarts legacy yeah no you know what it is it's harry potter yeah yeah yeah um yeah it's it's a it's you you know you create your own little guy and you explore the world um i have some issues with it but i don't want to talk about about it enough because you guys don't like that.
It looks awesome. It's not.
But I don't have that game thing. What is it? It's not.
PlayStation 5. Yeah.
Would you talk about this with Santino? He's not a gamer, is he? No, but he would get mad. He would get angry.
Yeah. Fucking.
Yeah, but he talks about golf. What do I give a fuck? Golf? Stop it.
Do you play it? No. That's why I love you.
Do I play golf? Yeah. I hate my life enough.
I know. I need another thing to be frustrated about.
Exactly. By the way.
Ping pong? Ping pong? I know you're good at ping pong. No, but if it was at a fucking...
See, I like ping pong because you could put it at a beach party. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can't play golf in a beach party. Golf's expensive.
It's expensive it's a whole thing many country clubs are anti-semitic yeah that's a good thing or a bad thing historically negative I don't even know what anti-semitic means Bobby's gonna pick up golf now are they really anti-semitic I just you just cut to Bobby like so happy really they're? Their answer is sympathetic. Yeah, it's fine.
What can you do? You know, Santino's beaten me out for many roles. I thought that'd be a fun thing to bring up.
He has? Yeah. Like what? Dave? Whoa.
Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me ask you something. I knew you'd love this.
I love this so much. Number one, you'd be better.
Whoa. I'd be different.
Better in a different way. Less red.
Right. Less red.
Yeah. More pleasing to the eye.
Yeah. No, pleasing to the eye.
Depends what you're into. Right.
Not as much of a super healer. He's a great actor, though.
He is. He's a great everything.
He's a great actor. He can do everything.
He really can annoy um annoy the fuck out of me this last week he's been annoying me the fuck out of me why because i don't post enough about our tour and it's like you know look at my look i don't post at all but i it's as a post i put the thing dates down i restore everyone they start but he's still like at two in the morning will call me from australia what the fuck man am I in this alone whatever I don't even pick up his fucking phone calling I hate him do the finger thing and take your time I'm gonna read a text from Andrew to me I hate him I think he refers to you I hate him him. He said, I'm going to call him that.

Call him, call him,

call him.

Fucking piece of shit.

I hate him.

Why would you do that?

You said that?

Wow.

By the way,

he beat me for that part too

with the Australian movie.

No way.

I'm over it.

Are you over it?

Well, we'll see. I know because if it's great.
Oh, it's going to kill me. Yeah, me too.
If it's great, it's going to kill me. You guys, he's our friend.
Not my friend. Never met him.
No, he's great. He's great.
Well, well, well. Well, well, what? To what do I owe this pleasure see it's the energy it's the energy it's not a good energy oh this pleasure what do i owe this pleasure to the guy who is barely promoting his own really.
Really? I re-story everything? The guy who literally posts nothing and we're leaving in a couple of weeks. Hey, by the way, thanks for fucking reposting a story without the link to click on it.
That'll be helpful for the fucking fan.

Click here.

Oh, you can?

How's Australia?

You loving it?

I'm I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm

I'm I'm I? I'm McDonald's loving it. They call it Macca's down here.
McDonald's. Macca's.
Have a Macca's. That's what they say.
It's good. It's my last day.
Today's my last day on set. I'm done.
And when are you coming home? Huh? When are you coming home? I can't hear you. When are you coming home I can't hear you when are you coming home I come home in a week I'm home in a week are you in LA I'm right now doing the podcast Bad Friends you're on it oh well who's on it Josh Peck oh I love Josh Peck what a cutie pie that guy yeah he was just telling me that you beat him out of the role of the movie you're doing now, and you also beat him out of Dave.
Really happy for you, Andrew. Let me tell you something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. The only reason that I got it over Josh, and if you can hear me, is that everybody knows,

everybody knows about his weird foot thing, his OnlyFans foot page.

That's true.

And some of the producers are uncomfortable with that kind of behavior.

And that's a thing he needs to deal with.

And I hate to blow up his spot, but, you know, he's a footy guy.

He's like a weird little footy guy, and they don't like him. Sorry.
What does that have to do with the acting? Andrew, what's Zac Efron like? What's Zac Efron like? He loves Josh Peck, I'll tell you. And is John Cena gone? John Cena's gone.
He got picked up. He got picked up in like an Autobot, in like a Transformer, and he fucking took off.
It was awesome. He lifted off from set.
He nodded. He didn't even say goodbye.
He nodded and winked at everybody, and then... Wow.
I'm here for John. It was tight.
Hollywood's great. Anyway...
Call me after the show. I love you.
I love it and winked at everybody and then... Wow.
I'm here for John. Hollywood's great.
Anyway...

Call me after the show. I love you.

I love you. Bye.
Bye-bye.

It's incredible. But did you

feel the energy? Yeah.

He did answer the phone a bit like a

villain. Thank you.
And that's

what I get every fucking time.

It's never A good

Phone call ever Any good movies You've seen movies Did you see the Everything everywhere All the time Never stop What's it called I don't like the way you said it Okay You know I watch the Jewish movies Schindlerberg. Yeah.
Great. One of his first.
I've seen all his movies. Can you give us one? Fablemans.
Did you see the movie? Which one? Everything Everywhere One. I did it.
You haven't seen it? I've seen Old Boy. Is that the same? Did you see it? Yes.
It's so good. It's so good.
Is it? What do you mean? Did you see Two Leslie? No. Two Lizzies? Bobby saw that one.
I saw it on Pornhub. What is it? Two Lizzies? I don't think I've seen the movie.
Two Leslie. Yeah, like I've seen- Mark Barron's in it? Yeah, he's so good.
Oh, he is? Movie is so good. But it's just people talking and feelings.
These are my kinds of movies. Oh, you don't like what acting? I think the metaverse sci-fi part.
Tell me, tell me. Yeah, you're right.
There is sci-fi elements to that movie, but there's a lot of heart in it, man. A lot of feelings.
A lot of of feelings a lot of heart and it's also um what an original filmmaking and screenplay i mean everything about that movie is um just it's an anomaly it's special yeah and it's one of those movies if you're in hollywood you should watch it because those directors are the next big thing oh Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Watch the fucking movie. I will.
Alright. Did you see Squid Games? Yeah.
Why did you watch that? I watched the first episode and I didn't get to the rest. It's funny.
It's funny. It's really funny what you're doing right now.
Tell me. I'm beginning to think that it's not a sci-fi thing.
I'm beginning to think it's a fucking Asian thing. Wow.
Okay. Really.
Go ahead. No, I think your line of thinking is correct.
Right. You're reasoning really.
Yeah. Let me throw some Asian movies down your throat to see you seeing them.
them So so white it's ready Yeah yeah Did you see Train to Busan No Okay Alright I'm just throwing some Asian movies your way Pariah Never saw It's not even called Pariah No no no Pariah Pariah what It's like Parasite's like Pariah. Did you make a mistake at first? No, never.
All right. I thought it was called Pariah.
I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Did you see Parasite? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, did you like it? Yeah, I liked it.
Okay. Train to Busan is a great...
Anyone listening, Train to Busan is a great zombie movie. You like that genre.
Have you ever seen the show Fauda?

Fauda, how do you spell it?

F-A-U-D-A.

What is it about?

It's about the Mossad.

It's about Jews kicking ass.

Israel and Palestine.

I saw that movie.

I saw that show.

I did.

Okay, tell me a little something about it.

The show is set in Israel, right? No. Where's it set? Oklahoma City.
You are racist. No, it isn't.
It's Israel. It's Israel, right? Of course it is.
It's called Fowda. Yeah.
And the guy who is the star, kind of a, I don't know, I don't recognize the people on the screen now, but that guy. Yeah.
Yeah, that guy is great. And I swear to God I saw the show.
What about Stissel? What's Stissel? Another great Jewish show. But you're not going to listen to me, okay? Okay.
Here's the deal, dude. You guys have been fucking, Jews have been making movies since the history of Hollywood.
Okay? And why?

Because you're great.

No.

I'm going to give you the fucking credit.

No, no, no.

What?

You guys are creative.

Because they wouldn't let us in New York.

That's why we went west.

We wanted to be on Broadway.

That's fine.

That's what people leave out.

Because there's a lot of us here.

That's true.

I'm sure there was hardships.

It was born out of hardships.

The tree grew from a soil made of struggle. But I understand that.
I think we should appreciate the struggle. I appreciate the struggle.
I appreciate it. But let me say something too.
And the soil. I love the soil.
I love your soil, dude. You can create corn.
Thank you. All right, you can grow corn in it.
Sure. So my point is, I've seen a lot of your shit from Israel, also American made over the years.
In terms of comedy, you guys have run the gambit on stand up comedy. Gamit.
Gamit. Whatever.
You know what I'm saying. One's an X-Men character.
Great character, though. The best.
Yeah. Yeah.
How come they never made a great gambit movie? He was in one movie, though. But didn't they want to make one with him and they never did? Yeah, Gambit was, he's from New Orleans, right? He's like the dopest shit.
He has cards. Cards.
He has a staff. And a big coat.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gambit's the best, dude.
Who would play that? Santino. No, no, no.
He's got red hair. No, no, no.
Josh Pax. No, no, he's get it it That? Oh, red hair Red hair Yeah, you're right Yeah, that's definitely Santino Can you imagine? Yeah Is Gambit a good guy or a bad guy? Good guy Yeah, yeah I think he's in the middle He starts out as a bad guy? Because in the Wolverine movie They made him kind of in the middle But he helps out Wolverine Flies him to that place.
Right. Did you see that movie? Mm-mm.
You never saw Wolverine? Okay. Well, they have him in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he brings him to the military facility or whatever.
My point is they have used him, but I don't know why. I don't think he's that popular.
If you had to play a superhero, but they wanted you to get in insane shape Like they gave you six months Trainer, dietitian Wolverine Would you do it? Wolverine? Yeah, they want you to play Wolverine I would Let me say something I get a call From Fox Because they own the rights to I think X-Men We want you to play Wolverine. I'd first misunderstand that and go, is it like a nature movie? Like you want me to actually play a Wolverine? You know what I mean? With a bunch of other, maybe the Koreans are the animals.
The little groundhog. Right.
Or I'd go, is it a voiceover thing? Because that's what it would sound like no yeah I'll play that yeah dude go go go right dead on right and um if I okay that's what I would do if I got a call to play Wolverine I would go out and live in the forest yeah with the Wolverines so I can get I don't think Hugh Jackman did that No way He didn't live in the forest I would eat what they eat You're in You know I would do all that I would embody I would do that fucking method shit Yeah yeah yeah Right And I would show up Straight from the forest Living there To set Right Right So So like just I'm going to look wild.

But on your days off would you still go to like Parks Barbecue but as a Wolverine?

Yeah.

What Daniel Day-Lewis did for the fucking

you know Gangs of New York.

Apparently he stayed that guy

through the whole thing.

Even at the hotel.

Oh yeah.

Liam Neeson apparently was like was at the hotel and was like where's Daniel Day-Lewis? Because they know each other. And when he went to the...
He was working out. But he was throwing knives.
He had set up this thing where he was throwing knives against this wooden plank in the thing. And he treated him like shit.
I heard in between takes he would chop meat outside his trailer and blast Eminem. Right.
Yeah. So I would do that.
You better lose it. I'm losing it.
Yeah. So I would do all that.
I would come back with like, what do they eat? Insects? Bat. Yeah.
Yeah. Bats.
Because I'm going to talk with the directors. The way this is going to play, you know, I know it's action.
I know it's serious. But it's serious but it's gonna get a lot of laughs even if I try my hardest and I say the lines as dramatically as I can you know what I mean and grow my sideburns it's just gonna get a huge laugh let's maybe practice maybe give you a line yeah yeah give me a line what's a line Wolver Wolverine would have? I'll never let him take her.
I'll never let him take her. You're laughing already.
I don't like it. Can you not laugh? You look like Stevie.
You look like your brother. Oh, I did? But can you not laugh? Cute.
You give me a line right now and I'm going to do it to Josh. Yeah.
I'm taking her away. Why? Who's her? Who the fuck is her? I don't know.
Give me a completely random line. I've finished the hypothesis.
I've never seen the movie. What is it, a professor? I'll just make up my own.
I picture we were in a lab or something. Yeah.
Magneto's in the facility. Yeah.
That's more right. Okay.
Magneto's in the facility. That's my line.
Right. So you go, where's Magneto? Where's Magneto? Magneto's in the facility.
Okay, Wolverine. Professor X just shit his wheelchair My god Come Cyclops He's gonna blast it with his eyes I'll do it again Like that? That's good It's really good It's a lot of commitment Yeah I think I wouldn't be Bruce Wayne That I would probably turn down You would not want to be Batman? No No one would buy it Well what if you were just Bruce Wayne And then somebody else You had to change the last name And Josh played Batman I'll be Bruce Wayne If I'm Bruce Wayne And they change the history of the guy Maybe I would Or like When you get in the costume Josh plays Batman in the costume Oh shit So I don't have to do Any of the grunt work either Yeah Right I don't do any of the physicalities But I'm I'm the good writer Who has to say Yeah Like I'm not Batman I'm Bruce Wayne Yeah Oh right Yeah How about this Yeah This is what I want you to do You're playing me Okay But I'm Bruce Wayne But you.
Oh, right. Yeah.
How about this? Yeah. This is what I want you to do.
You're playing me. Okay.
But I'm Bruce Wayne, but you're the Batman. Okay.
Right? So you have to, so I'm going to, my choice for this Batman because I'm Bruce Wayne is I have to do a little bit of Asian accent. So when you say you're Batman.
You're not putting that in there. You're not putting that in there.
I'm not Andrew. I'm not going to give you a man.
I'm not going to give you a man. We'll cut it'll cut it out I just want to see Just listen I'm just going to do an impression of your mom and get it over with I'm Bruce Wayne No I'm not doing that I promise you we'll cut it out Things are going so well for me You don't choose't choose to.
Choose to not. Choose to not, all right? Cool.
I choose to not. All right, so I'm going to do the scene, right? This is like when all the comedians were saying the N-word in front of Chris Rock.
You just let it happen. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's wrong. No, I'm not going to do a very thick one.
It's going to be very slight. And because Batman speaks, because he doesn't speak like Bruce Wayne,

he always goes, you know what I mean? I'm Batman.

Right? Right, right, right. So I'm gonna play

in a regular voice and then you miss

whatever you wanna do. You're the actor.

I'm not. I know you're the actor

playing Bruce Wayne as

Batman. This is where it all falls

apart. It's not gonna fall apart.
I have two

kids. Alright, do an

English accent then.

All right.

Let's see if that works.

Sure.

Let's try out a couple allowable.

Hey, Alpred.

Yes.

Now it's a female.

Yeah.

We're changing the whole thing.

Yeah.

Yes, Mr. Wang.

Alpred.

Yes, Mr. Wang.

Oh, hello.

Thank you.

You make a good omelet this morning. Thank you, Mr.
Wang. Anyway, poison ivy.
Say it again. Poison ivy.
Poison ivy. Oh, yes.
Poison ivy. My bad, yeah.
Yeah, she's... Poison ivy.
I'll be Robin. And you say what you just said.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
You'll be Robin. No, no, no.
I don't know why you're so scared right now.

You seem freaked out.

You can do whatever you wanna do, dude, all right?

I'm gonna play this scene out, all right, Josh?

Okay, all right, okay.

All right, you can do whatever you wanna do.

Yeah, good, good, good, good, good.

So here we go.

Thank you for Auburn.

I have to do the line again.

Point at Ivy, you're a shaman.

You're the downtown.

I'm gonna change to Batman. I'll be right back.
Right? Hello. That works.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, that works.
Yeah, yeah. I'm the Batman.
Yeah, yeah, that fucking works. Right.
But you wanna go, ha, roll. I know you do.
I know you wanted to do it. If you wore the suit, would you let Bobby dub over the voice? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, shit. So I could just do your voice then.
You want me to do it? I'll do that. Right.
But can you mouth? No, I can't. I'll do your voice.
You mouth. I can't lift St.
Grace's shit. Just try.
Just try. It's so wrong.
We'll cut it out. I know be right back I'll be right back I'll be right back See I'm Batman I I did not say that I did not say that This is wrong

It's so fun though

It's so fun though

Josh Beck did not say that

If you're listening to audio

I said it alright

And Jess call me this week

Let's talk

I don't want to

Because if you don't answer

It'll kill me

I love you

I missed you

When I was gone

I don't believe you

I do I love you

I feel like it's been a long time though I love you Did missed you When I was gone I don't believe you I do I love you I feel like it's been A long time though I love you Did you amuse me? I don't believe you You know what? I'll be honest with you Can I just be completely Frankly honest with you guys? Yeah I've been really lost The last month I've been really sad I feel empty For real? Yeah Why don't you ever Go hiking with me? I think you would love it Just shut the fuck up for a second Just listen to what I'm saying Okay I think it'd make you feel better Shut the fuck up I'm getting vulnerable Alright I don't want to fucking hike with you right now Shut the fuck up I have no one Fucking listen to my misery You fucking Alright Ding Ding that I love you I mean I'm a change I'm a. I love you so much.
Everyone in this room.

You know, when I was gone this last month,

you know, when you're out in a town

and you're not in a big part of a show, whatever,

and you have those days off,

you just roam around the city.

It gets sad, man.

Oh, it's the worst.

It's the worst.

You just feel empty and sad.

You're walking around.

And people think that it's like the high life.

No, it's the low life.

It's, you know, had diarrhea bro i had diarrhea so bad i had food putting so bad i i was shooting sex in the city and then you know i rapped late i rushed to this restaurant ate a dinner i went home and for three days i didn't even wake up like i shat i took some emotium ad and was sick for three days. It was the worst three days of my life.
I don't know why I just shared that either. You know what I mean? But it's been bad.
It was bad. It's good to see everybody, and I love everybody here, okay? And Josh, I want to say this, too.
Every time you and I are together, you always make me laugh. I don't really laugh the way I laugh with you.
I love you. No, I'm being real.
Thanks. I laugh with you.
I love you. And I want to be better friends with you, man.
I look forward to it. Love you too.
I love everyone. I missed it.
Thank you for being a bad friend. Thanks for your help today.
Thanks for having me. I've been watching myself on podcasts and, you know, on clips and stuff.
And I feel like I'm so aggressive and bully like and i talk over people and also um and i i just want to change and i you know and i i was telling this to the guys when i came in here today i've had a spiritual awakening um i realized that i'm gonna be single for the rest of my life and i'm okay with that. I'm an incel.
Fine. But I'm done.
I'm done. All right.
And I'm going to get a real doll. I'm going to go to San Marco.
Can you guys set that up? I want to go pick it out. I'm going to lay down eight grand and that's my new girlfriend.
A real doll. Right.
Hopefully. Can you change the badges? I think so.
I don't know. Like if you and I had a sex doll company, what would we do? Oh yeah, non-stop variety, endless choices.
Yeah, you have to. That's an easy one.
Wow. Look, that's what they look like, right? Attractive.
Yeah, but let me ask you something. Would we do every skin color? We'd have to.
Yeah, you do every skin color. Yellow? Okay.
Yeah. Would we do avatar shit? Yeah, you know there's a kink like that.
Like alien shit. Blue.
Yeah. Right.
You can pretty much do everything. Like a centaur.
Furry? Furry? A furry? Yeah, furry. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. Imagine a centaur with a woman's body, right? And we make the fucking horse body's vag really hairy but tight all right hairy but tight can you say that on the line because I don't want to get monetized right we're definitely not gonna be monetized right and maybe when you stick it in it makes you know how do horses sound that's true because of technology or maybe you just give the to vibrato, but to things men wanna hear like, you can make yours sound like anything.
That's true because of technology. Or maybe you just give the vibrato, but to things men want to hear like, you're huge.
Oh, I never thought of that. You're in my stomach.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh my God.
Is there a button you press? Yeah, or maybe no, it's motion activated. If you know where to find it.
It's in the bag. Where the clit is maybe.
Yeah. Okay.
I don't mean to be too crass. Do you ever find it crazy that men don't know where the clitoris is? I know where it is.
It's so obvious. I know exactly where it is.
Me too. It's in the butthole.
No, it's in the clitoris is the little bump. It's right there.
Is it hidden? No. No, but.
What do you mean? I think a lot of guys don't even know what it is for so long. So we have to keep this joke alive of guys don't know where it is so that they really study it and find it and know that it's a pleasure source.
Right. Are you being real? Yeah, it's wild.
It's wild, yeah, yeah. Men are dumb.
They're dumb, yeah. Yeah.
That's the pleasure source. Yeah.
I see. And everything around it is dead? Yeah.
Is that the rave? It looks kind of dead. Yeah, it looks dead.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's...
Were you guys scared the first time you saw a vagina? Scared? No. No.
I was crying. I was so happy.
Relieved. I prayed.
I looked to God and I said, thank you. Yeah.
It's the most beautiful thing in the world. I still do that.
Me too, long of not knowing what one looked like even having one and it looked in the mirror one day. Changed my life.
What do you think? Is yours grizzly? Well it's just a lot more than I thought. What do you mean? There's like a lot of stuff going on.
Yeah. Maybe it's a Rubik's Cube or something.
Is it a puzzle? What on windmill i don't know i just i thought it was like a a lot more simple oh and then i looked in the mirror and i was like you know you go along you know it might have been 12 or 13 yeah that many years can i ask a question and i just thought of this'm going to be real, okay? And this is not a dumb question.

Okay.

Right.

You're right.

I know where the clit is, right?

But is the clit where the pee comes out?

Is there like a little hole in the clit?

Well, because our head has the hole.

Right, right.

Right?

It's sound reasoning. It's sound reasoning.

Right?

So let me ask you something.

As the only female in the room,

is that where the pee comes out?

I don't really know.