Bruce Wang & Wolverasian ft. Josh Peck

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Speaker 3 Hey, bad friends fans. I'm still down on the mice, and I can't wait to get back to the US of A to go on tour.
Me and Bob and the crew are coming to your city. We're doing 33, 34 cities.
Who knows?

Speaker 3 But go to badfriendspod.com, badfriendspod.com to get those tickets. That's the place we added dates.
We added cities, we added shows. Badfriendspod.com.
And also, Oklahoma City, St.

Speaker 3 Louis, Louisville, Nashville, Memphis, Norfolk, Virginia, Durham, and Charlotte. Where are you at?

Speaker 3 You guys are the cities that we're coming to that you may not know about because we added dates and added times.

Speaker 3 So go to badfriendspod.com to get those tickets to see me and Bob and the crew do stand-up, do stuff from the show, do all sorts of fan interactions, and have the best time of your life.

Speaker 3 I love you very much. Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 5 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 1 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 1 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 1 We're bad friends. I feel like I'm a happy Joe.

Speaker 1 Happy Joe Lucky.

Speaker 1 How do you say? Happy Lucky Joe. I'm a happy lucky Joe.
Happy Joe. How do you say it? Happy go-lucky.
Happy go-lucky. I don't know where Joe came from.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, these American sayings and lingos, I don't know much about them. You know what I mean? Capiche? I know what Capiche is.

Speaker 1 That's not, that's Italian. Oh, right, right.

Speaker 1 Capiche. Capiche.
What does that mean? No idea. Is it a food? No, capiche, like, understood.
Oh. I feel like I've had capiche on bread before.
No? Yeah,

Speaker 1 that's compressing. Oh, that's compressing.
My bad. Anyway, let's start.

Speaker 1 Can I tell you something? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm done.

Speaker 5 I know you already told me.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you why. These women,

Speaker 1 they be at cray cray.

Speaker 1 Yeah, cray cray did. Okay.

Speaker 1 I set up dates, they cancel. Oh.
Right? Wow. They say, oh, I want to date somebody younger.
Who?

Speaker 1 They flaky. Let's hang out.
And then you text them three or four times, no response. Wow.
Women be crazy. Cray Craig.

Speaker 1 Okay. Let's introduce the people in the room.

Speaker 1 Let's start there. Okay.

Speaker 1 Josh Peck. I'm telling you, man, I love you, man.
You're a good guy. I love you.

Speaker 1 You're a good guy.

Speaker 1 And I really honestly, like, you know, dude, I'll be honest with you, dude. You could be one of the best guys.
Thank you. It's in your eyes.
It crinkles. Wow.
You know, I've said this before.

Speaker 1 When you see see this, the crow's feet is because they're smiling.

Speaker 1 Do you know that?

Speaker 1 They smile a lot. Am I a good white?

Speaker 1 That was like so good. I know you, baby.
You're a good white. Thank you.
You're one of the best whites.

Speaker 1 They should bring Rick Shaws back, but that's just my own opinion. They still have them in some ways.
Do you think, really?

Speaker 1 Where?

Speaker 1 I don't think they... I've never seen a Rick Shaw in years.
Well, is a Rickshaw different than a Tuk-Tuk? Yeah, a Rickshaw is a... That's not a Rickshaw.
That's a rickshaw. Oh, that's a good idea.

Speaker 1 Where the human powered. The human is the cut, right? So imagine having a rickshaw but having Uber.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Oh, that'd be so cool.
You'd be in such good shape. Right, but also you call your Uber three hours later, he's still not there.

Speaker 1 And he's just coming up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You think Greta Thunberg wants human-powered rickshaws? That's her name. I think.

Speaker 1 I don't know her name, but I'm sure it's not Thunberg. I'm pretty sure it is.
It's, I think, Greta Thornburg.

Speaker 1 Thunberg? I think it's Thunberg, but then I think the proper, like, proper, proper is

Speaker 1 Tun. You would know.
Thank you. That's right, my pad.
I apologize. Good white.
The guy that painted out.

Speaker 1 Very good white. You think he's a good white? Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So kind.
Same to you. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But back when they had Rick Shaws, let me ask you,

Speaker 1 were there no horsies around?

Speaker 1 Must have been. Right.

Speaker 1 Like, who was the first guy to do that?

Speaker 1 Like, should I get on your back? You know what I mean? No, let me come up with something. Yeah.
You know what I mean? I'll just push it.

Speaker 1 And then a year later, it's like, look at yeah, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Where was it mostly? Asia. Right.
You don't see rickshaws in

Speaker 1 Africa, right? Detroit. It'd be so fast in Africa.

Speaker 1 You know? The best. Like Carl Lewis, just you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 What? You can't. We won't black on the ricks.
That's funny.

Speaker 1 Right. Having a rickshaw, right? In Ireland, you go in circles.
They're so drunk.

Speaker 1 Right? You would never get to wherever you're going.

Speaker 1 Right? Rickshaws in.

Speaker 1 That's it.

Speaker 1 That's all you got. Yeah, yeah, that's all I got.

Speaker 5 I feel like they still have them in the Renaissance Festival.

Speaker 5 No. I'm pretty sure if you go to the Renaissance Festival, then...

Speaker 1 It's a carriage. No.
They would have a carriage.

Speaker 5 I think some people do it.

Speaker 1 So white people did do rickshaws back in the day?

Speaker 5 Well, the Renaissance Festival isn't entirely based on fact. I don't think

Speaker 1 some of it's big.

Speaker 1 Who goes to Renaissance? Yeah, who goes? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I love the Renaissance Festival. What do you love about it?

Speaker 5 Well, my dad and my stepmom got married there. So I grew up.

Speaker 1 Wait, stop. What?

Speaker 1 Stop, stop.

Speaker 5 I never told you that.

Speaker 1 Does it make any sense? So your

Speaker 1 mom? No.

Speaker 5 Your stepdad? No, my dad and my

Speaker 1 dad and your stepmom got married at a Renaissance festival. Yeah.
Did they dress up as well? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 They all did. a maiden.

Speaker 1 Your dad's like, I'm legoless.

Speaker 1 Pretty much. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Wow.

Speaker 1 Call me Friar Tuck.

Speaker 5 Wow. He really did have long hair at the time.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 why?

Speaker 5 They love

Speaker 5 medieval times. We'd go to the Renaissance Festival every year.
We had friends. They had friends who worked at a shop there.

Speaker 5 So we'd even go there off-season and see the fair when people just live there.

Speaker 1 People live there? Yeah.

Speaker 1 People live at a Renaissance fair?

Speaker 5 Yeah, some of those shops are just like houses.

Speaker 1 Are you fucking kidding me? No.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you this. So they live like the people did in the medieval times? More or less.
So there's no flushing toilet?

Speaker 5 I think they have plummy.

Speaker 1 Well, that's cheating. Yeah.

Speaker 1 If you're going to go all the way. Yeah.
You eat their fucking food. Yeah.
Right. Turkey legs.
What? Big turkey legs. Big turkey legs.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah.
Or starve at times. How do you guys not like the Ren Fair?

Speaker 5 It's so funny. Well, let me guess.

Speaker 1 because Asians weren't around then it it's it's one of those things where it's like if I was there I'd be like yeah I don't belong here Jews too Jews too we don't belong we don't belong there either I never thought of it like that I'm sorry I've been very ignorant

Speaker 1 yeah I mean but you guys can go now but it's so weird to I'm a grown-up yeah me too I won't even go to burning man will you do you go Burning Man? Yeah. No.
I've had so many people invite me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, what's wrong with them?

Speaker 1 What are they searching for? And you're sober, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You know, I know some sober people that go there, too. I hear that too.
Yeah, I think with

Speaker 1 I really don't know because there's the things that I don't like about it is sand.

Speaker 1 I don't like sand. Do you like sand? No one likes sand.
No one likes sand. No matter what they sand.
You like sand?

Speaker 5 I grew up in the desert.

Speaker 5 I grew up in Arizona.

Speaker 1 In a wigwam?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. You were in a prefab house with the Spanish.

Speaker 1 We have sand in LA as well.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I like a fun thing to do on a Saturday was go walk around the desert.

Speaker 1 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1 Where the scorpions live? Yeah. Here's another thing I don't like.
Fire dancing. It's so dumb.
No. Look at me.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You know, I'm jump roping, but these are fucking. This is on fire.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And then they do these moves and everyone goes, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Do you like it? Be honest. Have you seen a fire dance before? I don't like any of, I have two kids.

Speaker 1 I drive the lower end Tesla. Right.
Oh, you do? Yeah. I'm very economical.
But you could get a higher end. I did.
And then Elon raised the prices and I couldn't justify it in my mind.

Speaker 1 But you could still do it. Sure.
Oh, so you don't. So if you and I were like,

Speaker 1 let's go to dinner. It's my birthday.
And I go, I want to go to this restaurant. Are you going to be like, no? Oh, yeah.
No, I'm going to spend on that.

Speaker 1 Because I'm a big, A, I'm a big boy. A, I'm a sober king.
So food is my final frontier. Right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm just not going to spend money to go to 10 days in Nevada with someone named, you know, Sage.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's a guy named Sage.
Yeah, yeah. A dude named Sage telling me about like how the banking system's failing.
That might be true. But like, you know what I mean? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I don't want to have these conversations. Yeah.
And also it's like, I don't want, I have money. Yeah.
they trade like here's a sneakers bar for a fucking, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Massage or tissue paper. Yeah.
It's like I could go to Vaughn's, bitch. Yeah.
Right? And I have money. I could go to four seasons.
What's better? Four seasons or the desert?

Speaker 1 It's four seasons. Four seasons is more right.
Yeah. But these people like Sage and conspiracy theorists and all these people, like, here's the problem.
If they're right.

Speaker 1 Let's just fucking end things. You know, because like I don't want to believe that a guy named Sage knows what's really up

Speaker 1 fucking my thoughts exactly let's end it all let's end it all dude yeah because i did i'll have to say this man i dated a girl right

Speaker 1 who believes that we're hollywood is this big cabal of pedophiles oh right

Speaker 1 and they drink they drink baby's blood right yeah yeah and i looked at adrenochrome adrenochrome yeah right and then her argument was this well sander bullock ate baby

Speaker 1 Cannibalism. I go, how? She bought a cream, a face cream, and they use baby circumcise, the tip.

Speaker 1 Yeah, foreskin.

Speaker 1 What's it called? Foreskin. They call it the foreskin? Yeah.

Speaker 1 I call it the tip.

Speaker 1 I mean, when I say tip, do you understand what I'm saying? Right, but I use the properties.

Speaker 1 Okay, foreskin. All right, two each's own, but all right, foreskin.
So they take the foreskin of a baby, right? And I don't know how they remove that, but I'm sure it's quick. The scalpel.

Speaker 1 Really? You can just tear it off? I have two kids that had to do it. Oh, you did it? No, no, I didn't do it, but I was in the room outside.
Oh, that'd be cool if you did it. I'd be nervous.

Speaker 1 But in a Jewish ceremony, it's the rabbi doing it.

Speaker 1 I thought in Jew.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you about Judaism. Please, I'm here.

Speaker 1 Let me ask you something. I thought that Judaisms don't do it.
They leave the skin on. No, we created it.
Yeah.

Speaker 5 What do you mean? They're all doing it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. So you do cut it off.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Oh, you guys created it. Yeah.
All right. So I, because, all right, I thought that was a Judaism that they don't.
You haven't seen Schuna's list?

Speaker 1 It's like, stop, stop, stop, stop.

Speaker 1 Literally, this is the first time I want to say this, okay?

Speaker 1 Not one word did I understand.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 Not one word did I understand. And I think your problem is this, okay?

Speaker 1 you see a window of opportunity to talk, but you just, because you think it's me, and I'm going to cut you off, so you do it as quick as you can, and it comes out weird.

Speaker 1 So, let me tell you something, bud. All right,

Speaker 1 how about this? Do you give me a symbol, right? When you're going to say something, right? And I'll give you 10 seconds.

Speaker 1 I'll give you 10 seconds, dude. And you see it slow.
So I'll give you that moment again, okay? He needs a verbal crossing right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So, um, I think I got what you're saying. Have I ever seen Schindler's List? Yes.
Yes, I did. Great movie.
You're right. But what's the point?

Speaker 1 They're naked, and that's how they discover who's a Jew and who's not.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's a rough time. It was a rough time.
I'm so sorry. Thanks.
Yeah. I don't think you had anything to do with it, though.
Your people. We didn't, no.

Speaker 1 Because, you know, we had rickshaws. And to get over there, it's a long way.
It's tough. Yeah.

Speaker 1 But, you know, we've been oppressed as well, Koreans, Koreans, but

Speaker 1 what you guys suffered. Anyway, really sad time.

Speaker 1 So anyway, Sandra Bullock got a cream with the circumcised

Speaker 1 with the foreskin.

Speaker 1 I was going to say it.

Speaker 1 With the foreskin. With the tip.
Right.

Speaker 1 And then this girl that I was dating goes, but that's cannibalism because it's like

Speaker 1 she's absorbing it through her face. That's consuming.
And I go, I don't know if that's quite the same thing as cannibalism, but, you know, what do you think?

Speaker 1 Where were they getting the foreskin from? Like, Koreans? They are. I think, well, they're Korean foreskins.
Not getting like fucking. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Ethiopian foreskins. No, they're making a company that's making face cream uses foreskins in their fucking clothes.
There's no way. You're thinking maybe like stem cells or something.

Speaker 1 No, that's what she said. Well, that girl is wild.
Yeah, look it up. That girl is insane.
There's no way. Why? Why? I tried the foreskin facial treatment.
Okay, I stand correct.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 They're doing it. They're using the foreskin.
From who? Who's donating that? The baby.

Speaker 1 First of all, let me ask you: when you have a baby, right? Let me ask you something. When you have a baby, you can go, I'm going to take that home.
They don't take it home.

Speaker 1 They put it in the fucking red basket. Yeah, but then it's done, right? You think L'Oreal has a baby farm? Yeah, but that's what France or whatever.
What is that? Remote American? It's a Korean cream.

Speaker 1 What L'Oreal is? No, no, no. You were.
Yeah, the Koreans

Speaker 1 do it differently.

Speaker 1 We use everything. Fuck yeah, you do.
You know, if they kill a pig, we'll use all of it. I love that.
Yeah, yeah. So, but she's saying that they absorb it and that's cannibalism.
Do you agree?

Speaker 5 I wouldn't call it cannibalism, but it is a byproduct of a human.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Do you think eating a human would taste good?

Speaker 1 That's a fair. I've thought about this so many times.
I really have. Let's jump in.

Speaker 1 Tasteful? It depends how you prepare it. Fair.
You know, I don't think I could do sashimi. No.
Right? Like if

Speaker 1 what? Tartare. Rick Tartare.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Steve Tartar.
I didn't know we would do that.

Speaker 1 Even in a bruschetta, I don't think I would want it. Yeah, I think I need it cooked.
Yeah. Well done.
What do you think? Seasoned, blackened? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
Cajun? Like a Cajuni thing? Cajun Dan?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Cajun Dan. What if you could get some of his powers through that, you know? Oh, yeah.
Yeah. Or my dick got longer or something.
That'd be cool.

Speaker 1 I once had a dinner with the guy who was at the forefront of like the FDA-approved penis enlargement surgery. What?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Like there's an actual, like, they, they cut it in the middle.
They extend it.

Speaker 1 It heals.

Speaker 1 And then all the collagen that gets built up, everything sort of like replaces. And you're like, you can gain an inch.

Speaker 1 It's mostly for growers, not showers you know what I'm saying yeah yeah it's for growers not because I'm a grower right right so when I'm when I'm in a spa you know and I'm there with other people I kind of want to say to people like I don't think they care but I just want to I wanted to say that to people like it grows right but you don't say you say it in your mind you know I mean it'd be weird if you said it out loud you're a little signy right yeah but I just want people to know like I feel like girls right now they don't want to date me because they think my dick's small but it's not you talk about it a lot though about what your your penis i love it yeah and you talk about how it gets bigger than it looks

Speaker 1 you really poke it every day i didn't mean to real vulnerable place man you're really poking i didn't mean to yeah yeah i'm sorry for bringing it up all the time no i mean any girl's dates you should know yeah why are they surprised that's all that's all i wanted to do

Speaker 5 this people listen to this podcast i'm just throwing it out there i can't believe these girls aren't texting you back that's so rude you think so?

Speaker 1 Yeah. Thank you so much.
I think you're on my side. I am.
And it feels good. Yeah.
Let's go back to eating. When was your last physical rendezvous?

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Let me, it was a kid, Andrew, right? Yeah, I had Depeche Mode album, like, and they, over the years, they get ripped.

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Speaker 1 Before I went on my trip,

Speaker 1 so I had a physical rendezvous with somebody that I had met one time.

Speaker 1 She's beautiful.

Speaker 1 and we had sexual intercourse

Speaker 5 I don't like how you said that

Speaker 5 why I don't know it sounded like clinical yeah I'm very clinical about it

Speaker 1 now I'm very like get on your back you know I mean I'm very precise

Speaker 1 I need stage direction you know what I mean like when I fuck people it's like you know what I mean walk into the room paper sheets right say this line yeah right I make them do it over again sure if they get it fucked up fuck it up yeah and then I go um but doggy, generally, they have to lead me into that.

Speaker 1 I don't do doggy. Because you're kind of

Speaker 1 there's no way out of this.

Speaker 1 Because you're a little

Speaker 1 go ahead.

Speaker 1 Well, we're friends. The reality is.
You're a good white. Go ahead.
Because

Speaker 1 if you're smaller stature,

Speaker 1 Say it the way you mean it. You used to say about

Speaker 1 that you were because she's a taller,

Speaker 1 that it was the proportions were tough. You know, it was like two puzzle pieces that look like they should fit, and then you put them together and you go, no, this is a corner piece.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 But I have to say, all right, my argument against that, though, is I don't think it's that anymore. Okay.

Speaker 1 I just think that balancing, you know, I'm not a balancer.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't be a good

Speaker 1 stewardess. Is that an airplane stewardess? No, what do you call them? Flight attendee.
Flight attendant. I wouldn't be a good flight attendant.
I'm just not good at balancing. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'd just be like, whoa, you know,

Speaker 1 you're coffee. Yeah.
The drinks would, yeah. So that's not good for me.
The log thing, I'm not good at.

Speaker 1 Where there.

Speaker 1 No, where you put a log in the lake.

Speaker 1 You didn't put a log in the lake? I thought that was a sexual position.

Speaker 1 I did too. No, no, no, no, no, no.
No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the log in the lake, that.

Speaker 1 Sure, sure, sure. Yeah, I wouldn't be good at that.

Speaker 1 Fair. Yeah.
What other positions aren't you great at?

Speaker 1 Side.

Speaker 1 I'm not good at side. Everyone's good at side.
I'm not good at side. Because you just get to kind of rest.
I know, but you still have to do...

Speaker 1 I think you're exercising muscles that I don't exercise.

Speaker 1 Right? So imagine you're on the the side, right? This muscle right here on my right side, if I'm, yeah, see, it hurts right now. Right.
So I don't really use this muscle, so it's not developed.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. You know,

Speaker 1 they should have a school or something.

Speaker 1 Or, you know what, we can come up with an actual like mechanism, like a weightlifting, you know, mechanism that strengthens the muscles that you would use in sexual positions.

Speaker 1 Yeah, why don't they have that? Why don't they have that? You know what I mean? Seems simple. Right.
And so one of them will say like side position.

Speaker 1 And then you just have a like a little thing and you know, something that you just kind of work on, like male porn stars could teach it, like that's true, Manuel Ferreira, or they do it like Peloton, Rocco Safredi, we do it like Peloton where they're on the screen, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 All right, guys, get on your side, and one, two, right, right, but they both have Italian accents,

Speaker 1 they do, yeah, so that's it, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm on the machine, I'm on the machine, go ahead, I'm turning it on. Okay, here we go.
Welcome, guys. Wow, good job.

Speaker 1 Now you have to really use your hips, Bobby.

Speaker 1 Nice. Vali, Sima.
Very good. Thank you.
That's something we should come up with. I think so.
I think there's something there. I think we're remiss to bring that up with you.

Speaker 1 Yeah. So I'm not good at side.
Are you good at side? Yeah, great at it. Whoa.
That's a bold statement. I really, I'm really working hard in there.
I want to be, I want to impress. I want to.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can tell. You can tell I don't have a dad when I'm having sex.

Speaker 1 oh

Speaker 1 do some rage no it's just like come home oh come home it's just like if i'm really good will you come home dad whoa so there's some vulnerability there then maybe yeah

Speaker 1 i'm at a walking vulnerable let's be honest yeah yeah for actually you initiate or no

Speaker 1 i feel like if I initiated as many times as I'm feeling like I want to,

Speaker 1 the level of rejection would kill me. From your wife?

Speaker 1 just because it's not re like i would just do it every day and i think what i've learned is that's not reasonable i don't think it's healthy though do you think or no every day every day i think it's probably healthier feels good it's so fun seems healthy yeah yeah right yeah why not but but what's it like being living alone yeah it's amazing i can do whatever i want whenever i want i feel really free i feel like a lot of my stuff was in storage for the last few years and i finally unpacked it and i feel like I've got a part of myself back that's been missing for a long time.

Speaker 5 And I feel like the success I've gotten from this podcast and from Bobby, it's now physically represented in my space. And I feel like I have a home to go home to.

Speaker 1 That really touches me. I'm so happy.

Speaker 1 Me too. Right? It's the freedom of that.

Speaker 1 She deserves it, I think. I think you deserve it.

Speaker 1 You do deserve it. And I want to say that I...
Do Do you want to do a contest to see who can cry first? No, you're a better actor.

Speaker 1 Not necessarily. I think you are.
I just feel it coming.

Speaker 1 Sorry. All right, go.
You go first. No, I get it.
Yeah, yeah. Whoa, you could tap into it, right? No, I'm just very.

Speaker 1 You're really, I'll be your happy forever. I'm happy for you.
Oh, I know.

Speaker 1 He's a defeat person.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm so happy for you, too. I'm so happy for you.
You're pushing. I'm pushing.

Speaker 1 I know. I'm pushing.
I know. I know.

Speaker 1 Congratulations. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 You really fucking can get a bunch. This is so funny.
It's so funny.

Speaker 5 I got a lot of help. Obviously, Bobby, I couldn't have done it without Bobby and the podcast, but I wasn't sure.

Speaker 1 Andrew, too. Andrew too.
And Andrew.

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 Why?

Speaker 1 She's thanking you.

Speaker 5 Other comedians helped me too. Like, I got a bed from Anthony Jeslin.

Speaker 1 Whoa.

Speaker 5 He's sponsored by Helix, so he couldn't use the...

Speaker 1 That's not going to make me cry.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. And he gave you a call.
But he gave you a call? Yeah. He made a call for you? Yeah.
He's a dude. Good dude.
I saw him last night. What a good dude.

Speaker 5 They mailed it to my house, and then he's also getting a new TV, so I'm getting all his old stuff.

Speaker 5 But he's like rich, so his old stuff is cool to me.

Speaker 1 He mentioned that last night he got a new TV.

Speaker 5 I'm getting the old one.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's amazing.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I want to give back to my peers, but my stuff's not as cool.

Speaker 1 So what do you have to give back to the people below you?

Speaker 5 I have like my toothbrush.

Speaker 1 I think I'm going to get an electric one. A good one? Really?

Speaker 5 Yeah, so I'll give them my old one.

Speaker 1 So you really changing every aspect of your life right now?

Speaker 5 Yeah, I would say so. And I can, I've been hiking a lot with my dog, and everything's good.
I'm getting right into routine right before we go on tour.

Speaker 1 But watch, though.

Speaker 1 I think you still, you okay? I'm getting there. Okay, good.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And I don't want to be I just want to warn you right some of the people that you started with they might start turning be very careful.

Speaker 5 What do you guys mean?

Speaker 1 What do you mean? What do you mean to what do you mean?

Speaker 5 You're shaking your head, yes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they're gonna fucking hate you. Why? Because that's successful.

Speaker 1 When you become successful, some people around you, they change.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 And they start talking shit behind your back. They become hostile.
Not in front of you sometimes, but it's hidden. But be very careful.

Speaker 5 Well, can you give me some examples of what to be careful about?

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll give you an example. Me and Josh.
All right, I'll give you an example. You, okay, we work at the comedy store, right?

Speaker 1 Because she works at the comedy store as sometimes a lot person, the door, right? We got the same job years ago with you, right? We were lot people together, door people together, Josh and I, right?

Speaker 1 Okay. And we're still at the same level as we were, right? You're taking off, right? And we would probably go, Hey, Jess, how are you? How's things going?

Speaker 5 Good. How are you guys?

Speaker 1 Same. Same.
Same. Same.
Yeah. Anyway, see you later.
She leaves, and then him and I have a one-hour

Speaker 1 rip.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck did she? Helix message.

Speaker 1 Jesse.

Speaker 1 She never stopped talking about Jesse.

Speaker 1 Jessel, Jesse, Jesse Net. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 That happens. Yeah.

Speaker 5 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 And there's

Speaker 1 probably happening now.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 you're such a good person that it doesn't even matter. Pray for your enemies.
Yeah. And then make a list.

Speaker 1 Do you see it? Because you're doing better than you've ever done, Bobby. And I'm not just saying that.
Just take it in. Take it in.
Ticket in. How about that?

Speaker 1 Do you still have an active list of your enemies? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's not an active. They're not enemies in the sense of people that I have my eye on.
Sure. You're right.
I get it. Like, you know, I have my eye on them.

Speaker 1 And if they say stuff or they behave in a way that feels weird to me,

Speaker 1 I don't lash out. I just write it down.

Speaker 1 I write it down in my mind. You know what I mean? Like, she said this.
He said this. He did this.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It's always like something very passive-aggressive.

Speaker 1 Or,

Speaker 1 like, there was this one comic who.

Speaker 1 This person's probably going to hear this right now, but I'll just say it.

Speaker 1 I helped this person out a lot. And then this person was bringing me up on stage at the comedy store.
When this person was bringing up,

Speaker 1 they said,

Speaker 1 they said,

Speaker 1 oh, this next guy hasn't changed the act in 20 years. And it's like 1980s type of comedy.
But if you're into that, here he is. Damn.
Right. And I was in the back.

Speaker 1 And this person's doing well. I was in the back, and you could just see my fucking brain swirling and my resentment rising.
And just, And then I went up. I was fine.
I didn't rip this person apart.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I had my eye on him. I don't think Nikki Glazer listened to me.

Speaker 1 You could. He could.
It wasn't Nikki. I love Nikki.
Nikki's the fucking best. I love her so fucking much.
She is awesome. She's awesome.

Speaker 1 She's my sister. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah. It's nothing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. But

Speaker 1 that was very good, though. Nikki, I love you, okay? Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but do you have resentments? Or do you have enemies? Yeah, plenty. You do, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Like other actors?

Speaker 1 Other actors, just people, casting directors, producers. Dude, casting directors is huge for me.
Oh, my God. Yeah.
Huge. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because they say things to my agent and my agent says things to me that he doesn't hide. That's good, though.
I like it that way. It's right.
He says it like word for word.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she just doesn't think you're talented. No.

Speaker 1 Or something like that.

Speaker 1 And you hear it and you go, okay, thanks for telling me the way it is. Enjoy your 10%.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. And I hang up and I'll just sit there.

Speaker 1 What I just said there wasn't that big of an exaggeration. That's crazy.
I've had people say,

Speaker 1 casting directors up, he's not a star.

Speaker 1 And things of that nature. What does that mean? I don't know.
Who's a star in your ballpark? Mac Damon. Brad Pitt.
That's different, though. No one is.

Speaker 1 Those are anomalies. That's a total.
The top of the. Yeah, yeah.
Like, so who's a star in your ballpark?

Speaker 1 Um, Ronnie Chang.

Speaker 1 And so they would say, like, he's not Ronnie Chang. Yeah.
He doesn't have the Cheng effect. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
He doesn't have the Cheng effect. That's exactly the way you just said that, right?

Speaker 1 Really fucking hit home. Thank you so much.

Speaker 1 It's something that I would hear probably, though. He doesn't have the, you know what I mean? I mean, Jung is the number one guy.
Ken Jung is the number one guy. Still?

Speaker 1 No, but there was a time where I would hear that. Right.
Like, you're third in line, but Ken's going to do it. Stuff like that.
And that's fine when other actors beat me out of shit. That's fine.

Speaker 1 Right. It's just when cast actors or these like gatekeepers, you know what I mean?

Speaker 1 When you can tell they don't like you, you can just tell. Yeah.
Right. And you don't know how to respect because I don't, you know, you and I, we're both recovering alcoholics.
Can I say that? Please.

Speaker 1 Right. So we're very sensitive.
The most. Dude, I am so sensitive.
Yeah. I mean, you guys know how sensitive I am, right?

Speaker 1 Look at them. They're all nodding their heads.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I'm like a fucking open source of sensitivity, right? Same. So it's like

Speaker 1 sometimes when I hear the information or I'm sensing something and I'm trying to like get to a healthy place with it, it's so difficult for me.

Speaker 1 I spend sometimes days dwelling on something. Right.
Right. And then it gets to a point where it's like, oh, there's nothing I can do.
Can I tell you a funny story? Yeah, go ahead.

Speaker 1 I once after, I've seen the same therapist for over 15 years. So he's literally heard the same shit every Thursday for 15 years.
Right. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 One time I'm lamenting about where I am at my career, and I mentioned these two actors and Seth Rogan, who are just so far ahead of me.

Speaker 1 And he goes, you know, and he's, this guy's like good to me, like always on my side, always, because he knows how hard I am on myself.

Speaker 1 He goes, well, to be honest, I've never heard of those other two guys.

Speaker 1 And then he goes,

Speaker 1 but you're never going to be Seth Rogan.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're who said that? My therapist. Your therapist said that.
But he's right. No, he's not.
In the sense of... No, he's not.
He is.

Speaker 1 He's not. He's not.
He was just. No.
I'm making him sound worse. That's insane.
I love you.

Speaker 1 I love you, Tom.

Speaker 1 Right, Tom. No, but what I'm saying is, it's like he was like,

Speaker 1 Seth Rogan is a generational talent. Like what you said before, Matt Damon and the other person you said, like, these are generational folk.
So they are in a... A they're Zeus.

Speaker 1 They're the gods. Can I just say this, though? Let me make that argument, right? Okay, KK.
There was a time where Bob Odenkirk had been around for a very long time.

Speaker 1 And before Breaking Bad, you would have never said, somebody would have said to Bob Odenkirk, you're never going to be like so-and-so.

Speaker 1 But now he's exceeded them. My point is, is that it can happen in any time in life, right? You have the talent, you have the likability, you have the know-how, right? You never know.
So

Speaker 1 that statement is just not true to me. Because Odenkirk is killing it.
Killing it. Yeah.
And he is old. Brian Cranston, Before fucking Breaking Bad.
Yes.

Speaker 1 I mean, he was the fucking father on Malcolm in the Middle. He'll never,

Speaker 1 he'll never be De Niro. In many ways, he is cooler.

Speaker 1 Brian Cranston. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 There's only one De Niro. I know.
It's Robert De Niro, but there's only one Brian Cranston. These shows.

Speaker 1 That's true. You're right.
You're never going to be Robert De Niro. I did a movie with Al Pacino, and he was so cool.
And I literally was was this close to him and I was like, there's only one of you.

Speaker 1 I mean, I was this close. Easy.
You said that out loud?

Speaker 1 Well, you said, there's only one of you.

Speaker 1 Al Pacino. That's what you said? And he was like, oh, the merchant of one of you.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 1 The one thing I'll always remember is we were doing a scene together and halfway through, he goes, I'm exhausted. Wow.
And I was like, yeah, dude, it's a lot.

Speaker 1 Like, he was in his early 70s, but he was the coolest. The coolest.
What movie was it? It's called Danny Collins, Crazy Cast. Really? Who else is in it? Annette Benning.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Christopher Plummer. Holy shit.
Bobby Connovali. You know what's so great about you is that you can live in both worlds.
Thank you. Isn't that great? I'm lucky.
Yeah. I'm really lucky.

Speaker 1 And that's in many ways. Some of these people are talking.
What are you looking up? It's Danny Collins. Oh, cool.
Yeah. Yeah.
I know him.

Speaker 1 Let's move on.

Speaker 1 I know him. Let's move on.
It's a fictional character. Oh, that's it.
Oh, that is. That's the name of the movie.
Oh, that's what that's.

Speaker 1 I thought you were here.

Speaker 1 I just lied. I just lied.
I'm just sorry. I guess I caught a lot.
You got caught in a lie. Do you find yourself lying more? I lie all the time.
More or less with how successful you are. I lie.
More.

Speaker 1 I lie, I lie.

Speaker 1 It's not that I lie. I just.
Don't tell the truth. Sure.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just things come out.

Speaker 1 I don't have a thing where it's like, because it's like when I want to move on from something, I lie.

Speaker 1 Like if I'm walking down the street and go, hey, did you see John McClegan, the movie? Yeah. And I'll go, yeah, great.

Speaker 1 Because I don't want to get, I don't want him to try to pitch it to me. Yeah.
You got to see it because this performance is a performance of a lifetime. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 And I just want to move on. So I love that movie.
He's going to win an Oscar. And I'll just move on.
I lie in that way.

Speaker 1 What about if someone goes like, hey, Rick says hi, and you don't, you have no idea who Rick is. Oh, that's, I love those.
Tell Rick I said hi. I love him.
Let me do it. Let me do it.

Speaker 1 All right, go ahead. Bobby.
Yeah. Hey, Rick says hi.
Dude, tell Rick I love him. I will.
Okay. His mom's sick.

Speaker 1 Rick has a mom?

Speaker 1 She's doing bad. Rick's doing bad.
You're right. But maybe you're Rick.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 You could be Rick in that situation. So do it again.

Speaker 1 Do it again. Hey, Bobby, Rick says hi.
Come on, Rick.

Speaker 1 Vroom.com. Hey, baby.

Speaker 4 With vroom.com, you can shop thousands of cars right from your phone and have your next ride delivered straight to you, just like Bobby did and I did for my mom. You got your car.

Speaker 1 And your mom got a car. And my mom got a car on vroom.com.
Do you know why? Why?

Speaker 4 I'm not going around from dealership to dealership.

Speaker 1 That's why I did. You said, you said,

Speaker 1 no more.

Speaker 4 Can I do it from my phone?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Vroom is the better way to buy your next ride, guys. You know what it is? You never have to haggle or negotiate.
Is that what it is? That is.

Speaker 4 You got a full week. I talked to Bob.
He goes, What if I don't like the car? I said, dude, this is the best part.

Speaker 4 You get a full week or 250 miles, whichever comes first, to make sure you like the ride. And if you don't know by 250 or a full week, come on, man, you don't know.

Speaker 1 All the cars, Andrew, on vroom.com come with a 90-day limited warranty and a one year of roadside assistance nationwide. All over.
I'll give you peace of mind while on the road.

Speaker 4 You can trade in your old car, Bob.

Speaker 1 Your old car, I can't. You can?

Speaker 4 Well, you gave it to Jules, but you still could trade it.

Speaker 1 You should have traded it in. You should have.

Speaker 4 Or, by the way, you could just sell your car to Vroom. Just give it to him.
When you sell your car on Vroom, you get a price instantaneously. There's no haggling and none of that back and forth.

Speaker 4 You, you too at home, you can buy a car from Vroom entirely online. So next time you need to buy a car, just grab your phone, go to vroom.com and check out thousands of cars.

Speaker 1 Bespoke Post. Bespoke Post is my favorite thing, okay?

Speaker 1 If you have a friend or a loved one or a family member that has a birthday or a Christmas gift, Bespoke Post has this thing called the Box of Awesome, and it's the greatest gift on planet Earth. Okay.

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Speaker 1 Each box, when you open it, you're like, you're not going to believe it. Okay? So you get

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Speaker 1 checkout. That's boxofawesome.com, code bad friends for 20% off your first box.
Boxofawesome.com, code bad friends. The biggest store I've ever done a scene with is,

Speaker 1 okay, Blanchett, but then Ben Kingsley, too. Me too.

Speaker 1 Sir Ben. You worked with Sir Ben? Did you have to call him Sir Ben? Yeah.
Me too. Yeah.

Speaker 1 They told me to do it. Yeah, they do tell you.
Yeah, yeah. When you show up, you got to call him Sir Ben.
I go, Ben who? Kingsley. I don't know him.

Speaker 1 You can't do that. I go, Sir Ben.
Okay, so, and then when I said, Sir Ben, you know, he's really sweet. The best.
The best. He sat sat on a couch, and

Speaker 1 I was sitting there. He just sat down because it's back or whatever.
And we were between the camera setups. You don't want to go, what's so funny? I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know if it hurt, but he went, aye,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? It could have, it might not not hurt.

Speaker 1 You think I'm lying?

Speaker 4 Yeah, possibly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. He sat down, though.
Okay. You think that he, you think I'm lying about that? I believe that.
Okay. You know, Pete, I tell you,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 So, um,

Speaker 1 and then we, I don't know how we got into it. We talked about Gandhi.

Speaker 1 Right? And he goes, did you know that

Speaker 1 a million people showed up for that scene? So when you're watching it, because in the movie Gandhi, you see everyone picking up Gandhi. Right.
Right. In today's world, you would see GI all that in.

Speaker 1 But back in the day, in the 80s, a million people showed up. because they knew that they were doing a movie about Gandhi, about his death.
And they all, if you watch the movie,

Speaker 1 people are are just carrying him wow you know how insane imagine like the AD on that show it would be fucking nightmares yeah right COVID protocols

Speaker 1 right thank God you're right imagine testing all those guys six feet

Speaker 1 yeah does what he did in Gandhi Serb and does that seem like magic to you what do you mean like i do there are certain performances where i can even great performances where i can be like i can see the the sleight of hand i can see the trick.

Speaker 1 Right. And then there are some performances where I'm like, I don't know how he did that.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you kind of, it could be a documentary. Is that what you're saying? Like some Daniel Day-Lewis shit.
Oh, yeah, yeah. That high-level.

Speaker 1 Well, because as a young person watching it, I didn't know who Ben Killer. I thought it was an Indian, old Indian guy.
Right. Right.
You don't know that he's an English dude. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 But he,

Speaker 1 you ever seen that movie?

Speaker 1 In fact, when you say, you know, Daniel De-Lewis is in the movie. Right.
Did you know he was in Gandhi? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He plays a street thug.
And he has has six lines. Wow.
Do you guys know that?

Speaker 1 Daniel De-Lois. And he's in high school, I think.

Speaker 1 Look up Daniel. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Wow. Yeah, he's a kid.
That's like Sam Rockwell has one scene in Basquiat. No.
Yeah, but he's like, and he's really good and really young, but he's still like Sam Rockwell.

Speaker 1 So he's like beating out Basquiat. And he's like, hey, man, give me your money.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Hey, man. Yeah.
Oh, wow. He's like, I'm beating you up, Basquiat.
Do you play video games? No. I have sex with girls.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 Fuck you.

Speaker 1 You're okay white now. You guys play

Speaker 1 so white. I do.

Speaker 1 Are you playing Hogwarts Legacy?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Is it the number one game to ever be created?

Speaker 5 Sorry. No, it just took me a second to hear what you say.

Speaker 1 Hogwarts Legacy.

Speaker 5 Yeah, no. You know what it is? It's Harry Potter, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you create your own little guy and you explore the world.

Speaker 1 I have some issues with it, but I don't want to talk about it enough because you guys aren't

Speaker 5 it looks awesome, it's not, but I don't have that game thing.

Speaker 1 What is it? It's not PlayStation 5.

Speaker 5 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Would you talk about this with Santino? He's not a gamer, isn't it? No, but he would get mad.

Speaker 1 You would get angry.

Speaker 1 Fucking. Yeah, but he talks about golf.
What do I give a fuck? Golf? Stop it. Do you play it? No.
That's why I love you.

Speaker 1 Do I play golf?

Speaker 1 I hate my life enough. I know.
I need another thing to be frustrated about.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 1 By the way. way, ping-pong? Ping-pong, not.
I know you're good at ping-pong. No, but if it was at a fucking deep, I like ping-pong because you could put it at a beach party.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 You can't play golf in a beach party. Golf's expensive.
It's expensive as fuck. It's a whole thing.
Many country clubs are anti-Semitic.

Speaker 1 Yeah, possibly. That's a good thing or a bad thing.

Speaker 1 Historically negative. I don't even know what's anti-Semitic means.
Bobby's going to pick up golf now.

Speaker 1 Are they really anti-Semitic? I just, you just cut to Bobby like.

Speaker 1 So happy. Really, they're anti-seminatic.
Yeah, it's fine.

Speaker 1 What can you do? You know what? Santino's beaten me out for many roles. I thought that'd be a fun thing to bring up.
He has? Yeah. Like what? Dave? Wait, wait.

Speaker 1 Wait, wait, wait. Yeah, yeah.
We had to do something. I knew you thought this.
I love this so much.

Speaker 1 Number one, you'd be better.

Speaker 1 I'd be different.

Speaker 1 Better in a different way. Less red.
Right. Less red.
Yeah. More pleasing to the eye.

Speaker 1 Yeah. No, pleasing to the eye.
Depends what you're into. Right.
Not as much of a super healer. He's a great actor, though.
He is. He's a great actor.
He's a great actor. He can do everything.

Speaker 1 He really can annoy the fuck out of me. This last week has been annoying me the fuck out of me.
Why? Because I don't post enough about our tour. And it's like, you know, look at my fuck.

Speaker 1 I don't post at all, but it's as a post. I put the thing dates down.
I restore every one they story, but he still, like, at two in the morning will call me from Australia.

Speaker 1 What the fuck, man? Am I in this alone? Whatever. It's like, I don't even pick up his fucking phone call anymore.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 I hate him.

Speaker 1 I hate him. Do the finger thing

Speaker 1 and take your time.

Speaker 1 I'm going to read a text from Andrew to me. I hate him.
I think he refers to you. I hate him.
He said, I'm going to call him that.

Speaker 1 Fucking piece of shit.

Speaker 1 He said that?

Speaker 1 By the way, he beat me for that part too. The Australian movie.
No, really. I'm over it.

Speaker 1 Are you over it? Well, we'll see.

Speaker 1 I know, because if it's great. Oh, it's going to kill me.

Speaker 1 Yeah, me too. It'll be great.
It's going to. You guys.

Speaker 1 He's our friend.

Speaker 1 I know. Not my friend.
Never met him. No, he's great.
He's great.

Speaker 1 Wow, wow, wow.

Speaker 1 Well, well, what?

Speaker 1 To what do I owe this pleasure?

Speaker 1 See, it's the energy.

Speaker 1 It's the energy. It's not a good energy.
What do I owe this pleasure?

Speaker 1 What do I owe this pleasure to the guy who is barely promoting his own jewels?

Speaker 1 Really? I restory everything. To the guy who literally posts nothing

Speaker 1 and we're leaving in a couple of weeks.

Speaker 1 And by the way, thanks for fucking reposting a story without the link to click on

Speaker 1 that'll be helpful for the fucking fans. Click here.
Oh, you can?

Speaker 1 How's Australia?

Speaker 1 You loving it?

Speaker 1 I'm ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, bro. I'm McDonald's loving it.
They call it MACAs down here. McDonald's.
Meccas. Have a Meccas.
That's what they say.

Speaker 1 It's good. It's my last day.
Today's my last day on set. I'm done.
And when are you coming home?

Speaker 1 Huh? When are you coming home?

Speaker 1 I can't hear you. When are you coming home?

Speaker 1 I come home in a week. I'm home in a week.
Are you in L.A.? I'm right now doing the podcast. Bad friends, you're on it.

Speaker 1 Oh, well, who's on it? Josh Peck.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love Josh Peck. What a cutie pie that guy is.
Yeah, he was just telling me that you beat him out of the role of the movie you're doing now, and you also beat him out of Dave.

Speaker 1 Really happy for you, Andrew.

Speaker 1 Let me tell you something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 The only reason, The only reason that I got it over Josh, and if you can hear me, is that everybody knows, everybody knows about his weird foot thing, his like OnlyFans foot page. That's true.

Speaker 1 And some of the producers are uncomfortable with that kind of behavior. And that's a thing he needs to deal with.
And I hate to blow up his spot, but you know, he's a footy guy.

Speaker 1 He's like a weird little footy guy, and they don't like him. Sorry.
What does that have to do to do with the acting? Andrew, what's Zach Efron like?

Speaker 1 Huh? What's Zach Efron like?

Speaker 1 He loves Josh Peck.

Speaker 1 And is John Cena gone?

Speaker 1 John Cena's gone. He got picked up.

Speaker 1 He got picked up in

Speaker 1 an Autobot, in like a transformer, and he fucking took off. It was awesome.
He lifted off from Fred.

Speaker 1 He nodded. He didn't even say goodbye.
He nodded and winked at everybody. And then

Speaker 1 thought it on him. Wow, I'm here for John.

Speaker 1 It was giant. Hollywood's great.
Anyway, call me after the show. I love you.
Oh, I love you, bye. Bye-bye.

Speaker 1 It's incredible. But did you feel the energy?

Speaker 5 Yeah. Right.
He did answer the phone a bit like a villain.

Speaker 1 Thank you. And that's what I get every fucking time.
Yeah. It's never a good

Speaker 1 phone call ever. Any good movies you've seen? Movies?

Speaker 1 Did you see the everything everywhere all the

Speaker 1 Never stop? What's it called?

Speaker 1 I don't like the way you said it. Okay.
You know,

Speaker 1 I watch the Jewish movies.

Speaker 1 Schinlersley's. Yeah.
Jaws.

Speaker 1 Steve Spielberg. Yeah.
Right? Great. One of his first.
I've seen all his movies.

Speaker 1 Can you give us one? Fabelman's. Did you see the movie? Which one? Everything, Everywhere, One.

Speaker 1 Did you see it? I did it. What? You haven't seen it? I haven't seen old boy.
It's insane!

Speaker 5 Did you see it? Yes, it's so good.

Speaker 1 It's so good. Is it?

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 1 Did you see Two Leslie?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 Two Leslie's?

Speaker 1 Bobby saw that one?

Speaker 1 I saw it on Pornhub.

Speaker 1 What is it? What, Two Lizzies?

Speaker 1 I don't think I've seen the movie. Two Leslie.
Yeah, like I've seen. Mark Marron's in it.
Yeah, he's so good. Oh, he is? The movie is so good.
But it's just people talking and feelings.

Speaker 1 These are my kinds of movies. Oh, I think the metaverse, sci-fi.
It's not. Tell me, tell me.
Yeah, you're right. There is sci-fi elements to that movie, but

Speaker 1 there's a lot of heart in it, man. A lot of feelings.
A lot of feelings, a lot of heart.

Speaker 1 And it's also

Speaker 1 what an original filmmaking and screenplay. I mean, everything about that movie is

Speaker 1 just, it's an anomaly. It's special.
Yeah. And it's one of those movies, if you're in Hollywood, you should watch it because those directors are the next big thing.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Watch the fucking movie. I will.
All right. Did you see Squid Games? Yeah.
Why did you watch that? I watched the first episode and I didn't get to the rest.

Speaker 1 You know, it's funny. It's funny.
It's a little.

Speaker 1 It's funny. It's really funny what you're doing right now.
Tell me.

Speaker 1 I'm beginning to think that it's not a sci-fi thing.

Speaker 1 I'm beginning to think it's a fucking Asian thing. Wow.
Okay. Really?

Speaker 1 Go ahead. No, I think your line of thinking is correct.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Let me throw some Asian movies down your throat.
Let's see how you've seen them. So, so white, it's ready.
Yeah, yeah. Did you see

Speaker 1 Train to Busong?

Speaker 1 No. Okay.
All right. I'm just throwing some Asian movies your way.
Pariah?

Speaker 1 Never saw.

Speaker 1 It's not even called Pariah. No, no, no.
Pariah. Pariah, what? It's like Parasite, but it's.
Oh, Oh, pariah.

Speaker 1 Did you make a mistake at first? No, never. All right.

Speaker 1 I thought you were.

Speaker 1 I thought it was called Pariah. I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you see Parasite? Yeah, yeah.
Okay. Did you like it? Yeah, I liked it.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Trained to Busan's a great.
Anyone listening, Train to Buson is a great zombie movie. You like that genre.

Speaker 1 Everything. What? Have you ever seen the show Fauda?

Speaker 1 Fauda. How do you spell it? F-A-U-D-A.
What is it about? It's about the Musad. It's about Jews kicking ass.
Israel saw that movie.

Speaker 1 I saw that movie. I saw that show.

Speaker 1 I did. Okay,

Speaker 1 tell me a little something about it. The show was set in Israel, right? No.

Speaker 1 Where's it set? Oklahoma City.

Speaker 1 You are amazing.

Speaker 1 No, it is. It's Israel.
It's Israel, right? Of course it is. It's called Fauda.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 And the guy who is the star, kind of a, I don't know, that doesn't make, I don't don't recognize the people on the screen now, but that guy. Yeah.
Yeah, that guy is great.

Speaker 1 And he, and I swear to God, I saw this show. What's that? The first season.
Stissel. What's Stissel? Another great Jewish show.

Speaker 1 But you're not going to listen to me, okay? Okay. Here's the deal, dude.
You guys have been fucking, Jews have been making movies since the history of Hollywood. Okay.
And why?

Speaker 1 Because you're great. No.
I'm going to give you the fucking credit. No, no, no.
What? You guys are creative. Because they wouldn't let us in New York.
That's why we went west.

Speaker 1 We wanted to be on Broadway. That's fine.
That's what people leave out. Because there's a lot of us here.
That's true. I'm sure there were hardships.
It was born out of hardships.

Speaker 1 The tree grew from a soil made of struggle. But I understand that.

Speaker 1 I think we should appreciate the struggle. I appreciate the struggle.
I appreciate it. But let me say something.
And the soil. I love the soil.
I love just soil, dude. You can create corn.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Right? You can grow corn in it.

Speaker 1 Sure.

Speaker 1 So, my point is,

Speaker 1 I've I've seen a lot of your shit from Israel, also American-made over the years. In terms of comedy, you guys have run the Gambit on stand-up comedy.
Gambit. Gambit, whatever.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying? One's next-men character.

Speaker 1 Great character, though. The best.
Yeah. How come they never made a great Gambit movie? He was in one movie, though.
But they, didn't they want to make one with him and they never did?

Speaker 1 Yeah, Gambit was, he's from New Orleans, right? He's like the dopest shit. He has cards.
Cards. He has a staff.
And a big coat. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Gambit's the best, dude. Whoa.

Speaker 1 Who would play that?

Speaker 5 Santino.

Speaker 1 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no.
Josh Pack. No, no, he's dead.

Speaker 1 That? Oh, red hair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right. Yeah, that's definitely Santino.
Can you imagine? Yeah. Is Gambit a good guy or a bad guy? Good guy.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think he's in the middle. He starts out as a bad guy? Because in the Wolverine movie, they made him kind of in the middle, but he helps out Wolverine, flies him to that place.
Right.

Speaker 1 Did you see that movie?

Speaker 1 You never saw Wolverine?

Speaker 1 Okay. Well, they have him in it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

Speaker 1 he brings him to the military facility or whatever. My point is, they have used him, but

Speaker 1 I don't know why. I don't think he's that popular.
If you had to play a superhero, but they wanted you to get in insane shape, like they gave you six months, trainer, dietitian, would you do it?

Speaker 1 Wolverine? Yeah, they want you to play Wolverine.

Speaker 1 Let me say something. I get a call from Fox because they own the rights to, I think,

Speaker 1 X-Men.

Speaker 1 We want you to play Wolverine.

Speaker 1 I'd first misunderstand that.

Speaker 1 They'd go, is it like a nature movie? Like, you want me to actually play a Wolverine?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? With a bunch of other Koreans. Maybe the Koreans or the animals.
The little ground hogs. Right.
Or I'd go, is it a voiceover thing? Because that's what it would sound like. No,

Speaker 1 yeah. I'd play that.

Speaker 1 Dude.

Speaker 1 Go, go, go.

Speaker 1 Right? Dead on, right?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 if I, okay, that's what I would do. If I got a call to play Wolverine,

Speaker 1 I would go out and live in the forest with the Wolverine. So I can get...
I don't think Hugh Jackman did that.

Speaker 1 No way. He didn't live in the forest with the Wolver.
I would eat what they eat. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You You know, I would do all that. I would embody, I would do that fucking method shit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right.
And I would show up straight from the forest living there to set.

Speaker 1 Right. Right.
So, like, just, I'm going to look wild. But on your days off, would you still go to like Park's BBQ, but as a Wolverine?

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 What Daniel Daylon-Dillowis did for the fucking game, you know, Gangs of New York. Yeah.
Apparently, he stayed that guy through the whole thing. Right.
Even at the hotel. Oh, yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like Liam Neeson apparently was like, was at the hotel and was like, where's Daniel D. Lewis? Because they know each other.
And when he went to the, he was working out.

Speaker 1 He was, and, but he was throwing knives. He had set up this thing where he was throwing knives against this wooden plank in the thing.
And he treated him like shit.

Speaker 1 I heard in between takes, he would chop meat outside his trailer and blast them in him.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah.
So I would say, you better lose it.

Speaker 1 So I would do all that. I would come come out with, like, what do they eat? Insects?

Speaker 1 Bat. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Bats.

Speaker 1 I want to talk. I would have a talk with the directors.

Speaker 1 The way this is going to play,

Speaker 1 you know, I know it's action. I know it's serious, but it's going to get a lot of laughs.

Speaker 1 Even if I try my hardest and I say the lines as dramatically as I can, you know what I mean? And grow my sideburns, it's just going to get a huge laugh.

Speaker 1 Let's maybe practice.

Speaker 1 Okay, maybe give you a a line like yeah yeah give me a line what's a line Wolverine would have like um

Speaker 1 I'll never let him take her I'll never let him take her

Speaker 1 yeah can you not laugh you look like Stevie you look like your brother when you did

Speaker 1 it

Speaker 1 but can you not laugh you give me a line right now and I'm gonna do it to Josh yeah

Speaker 5 I'm taking her away why who's her

Speaker 1 who the fuck is her I don't know

Speaker 1 yeah yeah yeah come give me a completely random line

Speaker 1 all right

Speaker 5 I've finished the hypothesis.

Speaker 1 I've never seen the. What? He's a professor?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I'll just make up my ass.

Speaker 1 He's in a lab or something. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Magneto's in the facility. Yeah, yeah.
That's more.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 5 Magneto's in the facility.

Speaker 1 That's my line.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 So you go, where's Magneto?

Speaker 1 Where's Magneto?

Speaker 1 Magneto's in the facility. Okay, Wolverine.
Professor X just shit his wheelchair. My God.

Speaker 1 Come.

Speaker 1 Cyclops.

Speaker 1 He's going to blast it with his eyes? I'll do it again.

Speaker 1 Like that? That's good. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 It's really good.

Speaker 1 It's a lot of people.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 I think I wouldn't be Bruce Wayne.

Speaker 1 That I would probably turn down.

Speaker 5 You would not want to be Batman?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 No one would buy it.

Speaker 5 Well, what if you were just Bruce Wayne and then somebody? But you have to change the last name. And Josh played Batman.

Speaker 1 I'll be Bruce Wang. Bruce Way.

Speaker 1 If I'm Bruce Wang and they change the history of the guy, maybe I would.

Speaker 5 Or, like, when you get in the costume, Josh plays Batman in the costume.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. So I don't have to do any grunt work either.

Speaker 1 Right. I don't do any of the physicalities.
But I'm the good right who has to say.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not Batman.

Speaker 1 I'm Bruce Wang. Yeah.
Oh, right. Yeah.
How about this? Yeah. This is what I want you to do.
You're playing me, okay? But I'm Bruce Wayne, but you're the Batman. Okay.
Right.

Speaker 1 So you have to, so I'm going to. My choice for this Batman, because I'm Bruce Wang,

Speaker 1 is I have to do a little bit of an Asian accent.

Speaker 1 So when you say you're Batman,

Speaker 1 I'm not Andrew.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to wear it like you. Well, cut it out.
No.

Speaker 1 No. Listen.

Speaker 1 No, I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1 Listen. Just listen.
I'm just going to do an impression of your mom and get it over.

Speaker 1 I'm going to just, I'm going to, right. So I'm Bruce Wayne, right? No, I'm not doing that.

Speaker 1 We just try. I promise you we'll cut it off.
Things are going so well for me.

Speaker 1 You don't have to choose to. Choose to not.
You choose to not, all right? Cool. I choose to not.
All right, so I'm going to do the scene, right?

Speaker 1 This is like when all the comedians were saying the N-word in front of Chris Rock, and you just let it happen. Yeah, yeah.
It's wrong. No, I'm not going to do a very thick one.

Speaker 1 It's going to be very slight.

Speaker 1 And because Batman speaks, because he doesn't speak like Bruce Wayne,

Speaker 1 he always goes, you know what I mean? I'm Batman. Right? Right, right, right.
So I'm going to play it in a regular voice, and then you miss whatever you want to do. You're the actor.
I'm not. I know.

Speaker 1 You're the actor playing Bruce Wang as Batman. This is where it all falls apart.
It's not going to fall apart. I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do two kids. All right.
Do an English accent then.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's see if that works.
Sure. Let's do it.
So I want to have a couple.

Speaker 1 A couple of louds. So

Speaker 1 I'll put it.

Speaker 5 Yes. And now it's a female.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're changing the whole thing.

Speaker 5 Yeah. Yes, Mr.
Wang.

Speaker 1 Yes, Mr. Wang.
Oh, hello.

Speaker 1 Thank you. You make a good omelette this morning.
Thank you, Mr. Wang.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 poison ivy.

Speaker 1 Say it again. Poison Ibbe.

Speaker 1 Poison Ivy. Oh, yes.

Speaker 1 Poison Ivy.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's

Speaker 1 poisoned Ivy.

Speaker 1 I'll be Robin. And you say that what you just said.
No, no, no.

Speaker 1 Can I be Robin? No, no. I don't know why you're so scared right now.
You seem freaked out. You can do whatever you want to do, dude.
All right. I'm going to play this scene out.
All right, Josh? Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Okay.

Speaker 1 All right. Yeah.
Do whatever you want to do. Yeah, good, good, good, good, good, good.
All right. All right.

Speaker 1 So here we go. Thank you, Bob, Auburn.
I have to do the line again. Play the IB.
Yeah, Ashaman. Yeah, the downtown.
I'm going to check to Batman. I'll be right back.
Right?

Speaker 1 Hello.

Speaker 1 That works. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
See, that works. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, that fucking works.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 But you want to go, huh, roy. I know you do.

Speaker 1 I know you wanted to do it.

Speaker 5 If you wore the suit, would you let Bobby dub over the voice? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. So you, I could just do your voice then.
You want me to do it? I'll do that. Right.
But can you mouth me?

Speaker 1 No, I can't.

Speaker 1 I'll get your voice. You mouth me.
I can't lift St. Grace's shit.

Speaker 1 Just try. Just try.

Speaker 1 We'll cut it out. I know.
Just try it, right? So I'll be right back, Aubrey. Right? Say, I'm Batman.

Speaker 1 I cheat.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 It didn't matter.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. This is wrong.
It's so fun, though. It's so fun, though.
It's a fun. Josh Mann did not say that.

Speaker 1 I said it, all right? And Jess, call me this week. Let's talk.

Speaker 1 I don't want to.

Speaker 5 Because if you don't answer, it'll

Speaker 1 kill me. I love you.
I missed you when I was gone. I don't believe you.
I do. I love you.

Speaker 5 I feel like it's been a long time, though.

Speaker 1 I love you.

Speaker 1 Did you miss me?

Speaker 1 I don't believe you. You know what? I'll be honest with you.
Can I just be completely and frankly honest with you guys? Yeah. I've been really lost the last month.
I've been really sad. I feel empty.

Speaker 1 For real? Yeah.

Speaker 5 Why don't you ever go hiking with me?

Speaker 1 I think you would love to. Of course, I don't just listen to what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I can make you feel better. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 I'm getting vulnerable. All right.
I want to fucking hike with you.

Speaker 1 Shut the fuck up. I have no one.

Speaker 1 After listening to my misery, you fucking

Speaker 1 ding that.

Speaker 1 I love you. I mean,

Speaker 1 I'm a changed man. I love you so much.
Everyone in this room.

Speaker 1 When I was gone this last month, you know, when you're out in a town and you're not in a big part of a show, whatever, and and you have those days off, you just roam around the city, it gets sad, man.

Speaker 1 Oh, it's the worst. It's the worst.
You just feel empty and sad. You're walking around.
And people think that it's like the high life. No, it's the low life.
It's, you know, I had diarrhea.

Speaker 1 Bro.

Speaker 1 I had diarrhea so bad. I had food pudding so bad.

Speaker 1 I was shooting sex in the city. And then, you know, I rap late.
I rushed to this restaurant, ate a dinner. I went home.
And for three days, I didn't even wake up.

Speaker 1 Like, I shat, I took some emotion AD, and I was sick for three days. It was the worst three days of my life.
Anyway, I don't know why I just heard that either, but

Speaker 1 it's been bad. It was bad.
It's just good to see everybody, and I love everybody here. Okay.
And Josh, I want to say this too.

Speaker 1 Every time you and I are together, it's there's you always make me laugh. I don't really laugh the way I laugh with you.
I love you. No, I'm being real.
Thanks. I laugh with you.
I love you.

Speaker 1 And I want to be better friends with you, man. I look forward to it.

Speaker 1 Love you too. And I love everyone.
I missed it. Thank you for being a bad friend.
Thanks for your help today.

Speaker 1 I've been watching myself on podcasts and you know on clips and stuff and I feel like I'm so aggressive and bully-like and I talk over people and also

Speaker 1 and I just want to change. And I, you know, and I was telling this to the guys when I came in here.
Today I've had a spiritual awakening.

Speaker 1 I realized that I'm going to be single for the rest of of my life and I'm okay with that. I'm an incel.
Fine. But I'm done.
I'm done. All right.
And I'm gonna get a real doll.

Speaker 1 I'm gonna go to San Marcos.

Speaker 1 Can you guys set that up? I wanna go pick it out. I'm gonna lay down eight grand and that's my new girlfriend.
Hot. A real doll, right? Hopefully, can you change the badges? I think so.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 Like if you and I had a sex doll company, what would we do? Oh, yeah. Non-stop variety, endless choices.
What? Yeah, Yeah, you have to. That's part.
That's an easy one. Well,

Speaker 1 look at, look, that's what they look like, right? Attractive. Yeah, but let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 Would we do every skin color? We'd have to. Yeah, you do every skin color.
Yellow?

Speaker 1 Okay. Yeah.
Would we do avatar shit?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know that.

Speaker 1 Like alien shit. Blue.
Yeah. Right.
You can pretty much do everything, like a centaur.

Speaker 1 No. Furry? Furry? A furry? Yeah, furry.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.
But imagine a centaur with a woman's body, right? And we make the fucking horse bodies vadge really hairy butt tight,

Speaker 1 right? Hairy but tight. Can you say that on a line? Because I don't want to get monetized, right? We're definitely not going to be monetized.

Speaker 1 Right. And maybe when you stick it in, it makes

Speaker 1 what how do horses sound? That's

Speaker 1 sound like anything. That's true because of technology.
Or maybe you just give the verbrado, but to things men want to hear, like, you're huge.

Speaker 1 Oh, I never thought of that. You're You're in my stomach.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Is there a button you press?

Speaker 1 Yeah, or maybe, no, it's motion activated.

Speaker 5 Maybe you know where to find it.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 it's in the van. Where the clit is, maybe.
Yeah. Okay.
I don't mean to be too crass.

Speaker 1 Do you ever find it crazy that men don't know where the clitoris is? I know where it is. It's so obvious.
I know exactly where it is. Me too.
Yeah. It's in the butthole.

Speaker 1 No, it's on the person.

Speaker 1 No, it's in the clitoris, it is the little bump. It's right there.

Speaker 1 Is it hidden? No. No, but.
What do you mean? I think

Speaker 5 a lot of guys don't even know what it is for so long. So we have to give this joke alive of guys who don't know where it is so that they really study it

Speaker 5 and find it and know that it's a pleasure source.

Speaker 1 Right. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Are you being real? Yeah, it's wild. It's wild.
yeah, yeah. Men are dumb.
They're dumb, yeah. Yeah.
That's the pleasure source. Yeah.
I see.

Speaker 1 And everything around it is dead?

Speaker 1 Yeah. I mean, is that the rave? It looks kind of dead.
Yeah, it looks dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah, it's.

Speaker 5 Were you guys scared the first time you saw a vagina?

Speaker 1 Scared? No. No.
I was crying. I was so ass.

Speaker 1 I'm relieved.

Speaker 1 I pray. I looked at it to God and I said, thank you.
Yeah. Yeah.
It's the most beautiful thing in the world. I still do that.
Me too.

Speaker 5 I've been so long of not knowing what one looked like, even having one. And it looked in the mirror one day,

Speaker 5 changed my life.

Speaker 1 What did you think? What? Is yours grizzly?

Speaker 5 It's like, well, it's just a lot more than I thought.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? There's like a lot of stuff going on.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's a Rubik's Cube or something like that.

Speaker 1 Is it a puzzle? What's going on? Windmill.

Speaker 5 I don't know. I just, I thought it was like a lot more simple.

Speaker 5 And then I looked in the mirror and I was like, you know, you go along, you know, it might have been 12 or 13.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 That many years.

Speaker 1 Can I ask a question? And I just thought of this now, and I'm going to be real, okay? And this is not a dumb question. Okay.
Right. You're right.
I know where the clit is, right?

Speaker 1 But is it the clit where the peak comes out?

Speaker 1 Is there like a little hole in the clit?

Speaker 1 Well, because our head has the hole. Right, right, right.
Right? It's sound reasoning. Yeah, it's sound reasoning, right? So let me ask you something.

Speaker 1 As the only female in the room,

Speaker 1 is that where the pee comes out? I don't really know.