The Old Man in the Pool

Speaker 1 You two are bad friends.

Speaker 2 Who are these two idiots?

Speaker 2 White dude and an Asian dude.

Speaker 1 You two are disgusting.

Speaker 2 We're bad friends. I bought a jape.

Speaker 2 All day, every I bought a date. I bought a jape.
You bought a jape? I bought a jape. I don't even get the bit.
I know.

Speaker 2 It's terrible.

Speaker 1 I bought a jape.

Speaker 2 I bought a jape.

Speaker 2 I bought a jape. Can you talk about your attire or what's going on? My retire? Your attire.
My attire. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What about it?

Speaker 2 It's not good.

Speaker 2 What's not good about it?

Speaker 2 It just looks

Speaker 2 slick.

Speaker 2 He doesn't even look slick. He just looks like a guy, like a homeless guy, found a bunch of new clothes and just put them on or whatever.
Okay. All right.

Speaker 2 Do you really think you're going to call me homeless guy?

Speaker 2 You're wearing a got ran over by a dump truck beanie and a pre-worn Guns N' Roses band shirt. You don't even like Guns N' Roses.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 2 That's because it sounds Asian.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gong.
They stole that from the Chinese, I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah. That means get over here.
Dinner's ready. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
When that part happens in China, they play it.

Speaker 2 50 women come out of the nowhere and go, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Speaker 2 I'll saw you to play Kong Roll.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Didn't even know how to say it. Anyway.
Juicy got those red socks on today.

Speaker 1 I wanted to match with Bobby.

Speaker 2 Hey, yo, Yeo.

Speaker 2 Excited to be here. Thanks for everybody who viewed my special cheeseburger on Netflix.
Bobby is going to watch it at some point. I love it.

Speaker 2 We'll never see it. You'll never ever watch it.
I'll watch Fries. Your third one.

Speaker 2 When Fries come out, dude, I'm going to love it. Well, what's second? Shake? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Shake is actually kind of a good name. That's a pretty good one.
Shake and then fries. Yeah.
You know, there's actually meeting. There's meaning to it.
The cheeseburger podcast. No, no, I understand.

Speaker 2 No, no, because people on, people have been saying it's good. It's all right.
It's doing pretty good. I was at my manager's house and her son saw Kobe

Speaker 2 and he goes, dude, it's really good.

Speaker 2 And he saw other people's podcasts. He goes, I don't like the other ones that we're friends.
I don't want to name names. But he goes, I listen to yours.
And he goes, goes, you're a smart guy. Thanks.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's fun.

Speaker 2 Excited. Excited to be here tonight.
We're excited. The tour is getting live.

Speaker 2 I made that up.

Speaker 2 That whole thing about it. The compliment.
Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I couldn't. I'm sorry.
But you know, other people have said it.

Speaker 2 It's okay. It's okay.
No, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah.
Because that always gives you a smile when I do it. Yeah.
We're not going to use any of this stuff. Yeah, it's good.
At the end.

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 So go ahead. No, I want you to go your energy is good

Speaker 2 did you find your wallet i just pokey yeah i found my i think that's what it was i felt really good about finding my wallet man you lost your wallet in the cvs it's the word you know lo you losing your wallet is worse than losing your phone

Speaker 2 double time for me i have my wallet is my phone all right so yeah

Speaker 2 don't lose that then no i know yeah your life is over but don't you think that the wallet's worse than the phone because the phone you can go buy and then you can i cloud everything back right right but with the wallet man it's like the credit cards the id all that shit you got what else

Speaker 2 i have a couple of checks in there like check like uh yeah and then look this is the wallet got stolen i mean i i it just dropped out of my pocket and i had

Speaker 2 i don't know 200 bucks yeah a couple hundred bucks in there no it's some more there's more 300 hundreds of dollars

Speaker 2 what

Speaker 2 not good well give that's a lot of money that's all for juicy put it on the table so she can have it here's Here's 100. Give her 100.
Here's 100, man. Brilliant.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 You gotta take it.

Speaker 2 You don't have a choice. Because I feel great that finding it.
And then

Speaker 2 we'll give Max 100 back there. He's back there with me.
Hey, Max, come here. Max, give me 100.
Get a $100 bill is in our school. He just started school.
Come here, man. He just started school.

Speaker 2 But, dude, he started a new school. Yeah, get a textbook.
I don't know how much they cost, but get one.

Speaker 2 God bless. Get the one with the biology thing.
Good job. Max, what do we say? Right, the day of biology, right? Max, thank you, Bob.
Don't

Speaker 2 give me the 100 back.

Speaker 2 A generous man me you're always a generous man i don't even care because i'm so happy i found this because friday night i think friday night what happened was we finished this podcast yeah then you left i stayed here with andre we scoured the fucking place i went back to the cvs i checked the parking lot with my the light on the phone for like hours i every crevice in the parking lot in the parking lot then i had to cancel my date with that girl yeah right and spots and spots came back here till midnight looked at every like you know, what do you call the brown stuff?

Speaker 2 Poop? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I checked every piece of horse poop that was out there.
Yeah. Because this brown is brown.

Speaker 1 In case the horse ate it and

Speaker 2 shit, went to a deep depression. Saturday, I was like, I can't move on.
Right. I had to drive.

Speaker 2 Then my accountant lives in Marina Del Rey. Right.
And he goes, hey, Bob. That's what he sounds like.
No, he doesn't.

Speaker 2 He sounds like this. Hey, Bob.
Yeah, that's good. He's 140 years old.

Speaker 2 I spoke to him on the phone. You can hear his breathing machine in the background.
Yeah. He can't die, but I hope he doesn't die.
He will die. I don't want him to die.
He's so.

Speaker 2 Anyway, so he goes, I'm going to San Diego. You got to get here now.
Drive early in the morning. Cancel my cards.
Get a new card. I told him to get me some cash.

Speaker 2 And then today, this morning, they called. We got it.
And cash was in it. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They didn't touch a dime. Well, you wouldn't know.
I wouldn't know. Yeah.
That's what's good about you.

Speaker 2 You're easy to rob.

Speaker 2 So you have an alternative wallet as well. You have a new side wallet.
No, and then I had to get a new wallet. This is my old wallet, and I put, I got my new card and some more other cash in it.

Speaker 2 It's fine. It was good, though.
I feel great. But once you got the brown one back, didn't you want to consolidate?

Speaker 2 I'm taking two. I got two.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because if I lose one, you know what I mean? I won't feel it bad. I get it.
Yeah, yeah. You should always have two wallets.
Yeah, that's my thing. Do you carry it? What do you carry with you?

Speaker 1 I have a wallet in my bag.

Speaker 2 But like, is there a lot of shit in it?

Speaker 1 No. It's just a few cards and then my cash.

Speaker 2 This is how I've learned to live after years of wallets. What is that?

Speaker 2 It's a magnetic case that goes on my iPhone. Wow.
It's an Apple one too? Yeah. So

Speaker 2 if you lose that. Yeah, it's whatchamacallit.
No, it's got what you call it on it.

Speaker 2 It's MagSafe. So as soon as I take this off,

Speaker 2 it'll say, you know, like, if I'm on my phone,

Speaker 2 a notification will pop up and say, Andrew's wallet disconnected, and it knows where it is, pin drops.

Speaker 2 Oh, that's amazing. Yeah.
Where do you get that? Apple. Oh, I'll go.
Yeah, they sell these. But this is all I do.
All I have is three cards. ID, two credit card.

Speaker 1 No cash? No cash.

Speaker 2 I keep cash in my front pocket. Ah, I should do that.
Do not, I don't, don't keep that in a wallet.

Speaker 2 Because I bet you they took 20 bucks.

Speaker 2 They could have.

Speaker 1 I have a picture in mine, too.

Speaker 2 Oh, is it a bus?

Speaker 2 I don't have no pictures that you guys get printed. You should.

Speaker 2 I see that Arizona ID.

Speaker 1 I have two. One of my mom and one of my best friend.

Speaker 2 Oh, show the camera so they can see. That is so cute.
And we're going to meet your best friend when we go to Phoenix. Yeah, but do you have.
Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 Do you have a Nokia something that you can't put your fucking photos on your phone?

Speaker 1 I do, but I had a Polaroid for a bit, and I just ran out of photos.

Speaker 2 You're so old-timey.

Speaker 1 Just put it on your phone. I'll get a Polaroid of you and put it in my wallet.

Speaker 2 Cute. Okay, good.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's okay. Yeah, it's okay.

Speaker 2 Wait, check this out. I'm going to get a new phone, too.
I'm going to have two phones. Do you know why?

Speaker 2 Because you lose one. Yeah.
No, because I got banned. I got banned from Bumble and Hinge.
What? What did you do? So I got banned from. What did you do? I got banned from both dating sites, right? No.

Speaker 2 Let me just tell you. I don't know what I can tell you.
I know what you did. No, what? Well, you probably, did you send a no-no picture? No, no, no.

Speaker 2 What do you mean? Nobody found it. I've never sent a dick picture in my life.

Speaker 2 Should you lie about your age on Hinge? Carlos. How do you know? I just assumed.

Speaker 2 So I was... People report me because I lie on my age.
Why does that even matter? Yeah, what do you say?

Speaker 2 Who the fuck cares?

Speaker 2 They care. Okay, timeout.
So in Real, the Real World, you're 51 years old. Yeah.
Let's all guess in the room. Unless you know, you can't cheat.
If you already know, let's all guess. I'll say it.

Speaker 2 Let's go get on it. Okay, I think you say.

Speaker 2 Whoever wins gets another $100. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I say you say you're 43.

Speaker 2 Very good answer. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 I think you like the

Speaker 1 like being older. So you say 65.

Speaker 2 Okay, that's funny. That's a funny one.
That's a funny one. Okay, Carlos? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 I think he goes 39. 39, and then 40.
40. What is it? 35.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Nobody wonder we all went over. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No wonder they caught you and me.

Speaker 2 35. You think you're 35?

Speaker 2 Don't kid so. That's so rude the way you even said that.
Bobby, you're nowhere near. Google 35-year-old Korean guy.

Speaker 1 Well, it's because that makes you younger than Andrew, which is a good idea.

Speaker 2 Dude, you're a

Speaker 2 cute little panda boy, but you are not 30. Look at how fucking hot 35-year-old Koreans are.
I never looked like that when I was 35. Yeah, you did.
No, I didn't. Yes, you did.
I never looked like that.

Speaker 2 Don't go BTS guys.

Speaker 2 When I first met you, you looked exactly like that. You looked exactly.
When I first met you, that was you. How come I couldn't get any pussy then? Because all of you were in.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. BTS wasn't in there.
He wasn't in back then. Yeah, but look at that.
That dude, we're the same age. Me and that guy.
No, he's 40. Oh, he is? How old is he? It says over 40.
Actor's over 40.

Speaker 2 But can I say what?

Speaker 2 Bobby 50: 35 is insane. Listen.
Okay. Okay.

Speaker 2 But on the profile picture, in parentheses, I go, I'm actually 51.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's funny.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's funny. Right? So it's like.

Speaker 2 But they reported you? Yeah, but the reason why I did that. Who the fuck reports that?

Speaker 2 The reason why you did it is what? Because when I first did it, I said 51.

Speaker 2 I was getting no matches. Got it.
And the ones that I got were like, they all looked like Judy Dench.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? But she's a dame. I know she's a dame.
Like the youngest one looked like Tilda Switten.

Speaker 2 And like this, I was like, oh, I'm fucked. Right.
So I changed the age so that young. Now,

Speaker 2 here's

Speaker 2 my theory.

Speaker 2 Here's my theory, okay? And this might sound creepy. All right.
I think it will. It feels creepy.
It was working. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Because.

Speaker 2 Our fans, right,

Speaker 2 range from 20 in the 30s. I would say our fans are, and I would say

Speaker 2 our best age is 25 to 45. Exactly.
That's our limit. 25, 45-year-olds, their age limit to look at other guys

Speaker 2 is 40, 45. Yeah.
Right? So I just wanted to get into the pool. Yeah, you want to get, but you would, but now, but.

Speaker 2 But yeah, but it's weird when the creepy old man gets in the pool. And you know what he does? And he goes, I'm just like you guys.

Speaker 2 Does anybody want ice cream? You're right, you're right, you're right, right. So that's why they reported it because the old man got in the pool and it's like, don't get in the pool, old man.
Right.

Speaker 2 That's what would happen. That's why I downloaded our time.

Speaker 2 What is that? Our time's for old people. Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Our time is for old people. Wow.
Yeah, yeah. So I'm going to do that.
Look at how boring the website looks. Oh, yeah.
Look at how fucking boring.

Speaker 2 So that's what you're saying. This is the group now that I'm in.
Kind of. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm fucked then. No, you're good.
You're great. Why?

Speaker 2 Because look at that lady up there. She's a witch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but I bet she.

Speaker 2 I bet she's a Salem witch, dude.

Speaker 2 From the old-timey days. Look at that.
I know.

Speaker 2 These are the ones that they're using as models. What? These are the ones.
Those are the models. Those are the models.

Speaker 2 Imagine what's on the fucking site, dude.

Speaker 2 That black guy, by the way, that black guy's 96. Look at how good he looks.
Look at him. I just think, I think, here's the deal.
I think you should be able to say whatever.

Speaker 2 I think this shouldn't say age shouldn't be on there. If it's over 18, then age is like, well,

Speaker 2 it is what it is. You can't say how.
Because because girls don't like to be asked how old they are, right? Isn't that a thing you're not supposed to ask? How old are you?

Speaker 1 I like it, but you do, yeah.

Speaker 2 But it's also this: it's like anyone that's gonna like me knows who I am. You know, you should have to say, not based on my photo.
No one's gonna swipe based on the photo.

Speaker 2 It should be, you know, what the tab should be? What? Under 100.

Speaker 2 Under 100. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's good enough. Yeah.
I'm a legal dating person now. You're single.
I'm under 100. Fucking leave me alone.
Yeah. Who cares if I'm 51? Because you're still fucking hot.

Speaker 2 You're still ready to fuck. So all of these dating sites and people that are snitching can fuck off.
It's our time.

Speaker 1 I have a question. That's an advert.

Speaker 1 What's the oldest woman you've been with?

Speaker 2 66.

Speaker 2 Mine? Yeah. No, one time I was with a.
This is so funny. So I was.

Speaker 2 One time I was at the Sacramento. I feel bad for saying.
I'm fucking. You don't have to say the specifics.
I was in a town.

Speaker 2 I was at the town. Sacramento?

Speaker 2 That's what I was going to say. Yeah, you're in Sacramento.
Yeah, but I don't want to say that. So let's start from the beginning.

Speaker 2 I was in a town. Yeah.
Right. In America.
Yeah. And I was with Kevin Christie.
Okay. So Kevin Christie was open for me.
He's your accomplice in this story. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And after the show, you know, this is when, this is probably 15 years ago. So things weren't great.
I could sell out

Speaker 2 maybe a punchline that's a 200-seater. That's good.
That's pretty good. You know what I mean? It was during those days, and and I used to do meet and greets at the end for free.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 People,

Speaker 2 and this old lady gets in line and she goes, I love your comedy.

Speaker 2 And I go, Oh, thank you. Like, it was like, I remember it was so startling because I was like, She doesn't look like somebody that would, like, you know, I've had that.

Speaker 2 And she goes, Shake my hand, young man.

Speaker 2 What's so funny? She said, Young man. Yeah, yeah.
And I go, oh, thank you. And you reach out as just her pussy.
And you're like, oh my God.

Speaker 2 Just a lip.

Speaker 2 What are the lips?

Speaker 2 She drapes a lip over to the top. Yeah, I got you.

Speaker 2 And she has a note in the hand. Oh.

Speaker 2 Right? So she walks away.

Speaker 2 I take photos of the rest of the people.

Speaker 2 I open up the note and it says the name and her number. It's written on a Werther's original wrapper.

Speaker 2 What do you see?

Speaker 2 Written in a Werther's Original Wrapper. Yeah.
And one of her teeth is in there? The paper was from the Dead Sea Scrolls.

Speaker 2 You had to wind it out. It was made out of

Speaker 2 the line. It was goat milk.
You know what I mean? Or goat blood. Anyway,

Speaker 2 goat blood. The joke.
But my point is, so then I go to Kevin. I go, Do you believe this little lady gave me her number? He's like, you should do it.

Speaker 2 I go,

Speaker 2 okay. He's a wise man.
He's a wise man. Yeah.
I call her.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 On her landline.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she had one of those rolls.

Speaker 2 This is the next meeting. She smokes six cigars.

Speaker 2 You had to call one of those boards? Yeah, yeah. Hello, trash friend.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then, um, so I call her and then she goes,

Speaker 2 I'm babysitting my grandkids. Awesome.
Right, but I'll pick you up at, you know, the hotel at five. Why would she just come to the hotel and fuck?

Speaker 2 When no one go eat. Oh, yeah, yeah.
I thought she just wanted to bang. No, I don't, I don't even know.
I didn't even remember what she looked like.

Speaker 2 I thought she wanted to just bang, and she was like, I'm coming over. No.

Speaker 2 But so we're at the sports bar. Okay.
Right. And she goes,

Speaker 2 She's 58, 59. Oh, that's not as bad as you.
Yeah. Right, right.
Well, don't say the age because now it'll be more fun. We'll let people guess.
Yeah, yeah. So go ahead.
So she was in old.

Speaker 2 She was older. Yeah, older.

Speaker 2 Probably 25 years older than me. At least.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Under 100. Yeah, under 100 for sure.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And out of nowhere, she just goes, Look. No.
I swear. I swear to God.
At the fucking bar. Right? Were they nice? They were saggy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But the nipples were great. Perfect.
They were like 22-year-old nipples. Right out.
Yeah. The rest of it.
100 and 50. 150 years old.
Yeah, yeah. But what kind of sag are we talking to?

Speaker 2 It was like a whale's tits. Ooh.
Yeah, yeah. But the fucking nipples were like fucking, you know,

Speaker 2 sorority girl. Okay.

Speaker 2 Right, yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I remember she had a lot of freckles for some reason. No, those are cancerous.

Speaker 2 Right. Those are freckles.
That was skin cancer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
They're liver spots. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Right. And then I remember

Speaker 2 I got a little erect. And then so she goes, then we go into her back seat of her Bronco.

Speaker 2 That's so cool. She had a Ford Bronco, by the way.
And I remember I had to scoot over toys.

Speaker 2 Her grandkids' toys. Yes.
Or her kids.

Speaker 2 Maybe she likes to. No, no, no.
What kind of toys? Tinker toys. Yeah.
A plastic red, like, fire engine truck. Okay.
You know what I mean? Those kind of things. Lincoln logs.
I didn't observe it.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But then? Yeah. And then we made out in the second,

Speaker 2 the back seat.

Speaker 2 And then I called her late at night after my second show. I go, come over to the hotel.

Speaker 2 And she never picked up. Oh, so she did.
She

Speaker 2 rejected you. Or she could have died.
She probably died.

Speaker 2 And her ghost came over.

Speaker 1 She was 25 years older than you. Do you think the girls you date might feel the same way?

Speaker 2 Oh my gosh. You know what?

Speaker 2 Honestly, honestly.

Speaker 2 I feel like you were waiting for that joke. So good.
And I know you thought this is a meme. I was like, should I tell it? Yeah.
I don't know. And it offended me greatly.
It was perfect.

Speaker 1 But it's kind of crazy that

Speaker 2 things have gone the other way around now. Yeah.
Fuck off. That's the world.
Right.

Speaker 2 I had one when I lived in Long Beach. My buddies and I would go.

Speaker 2 There was a place called,

Speaker 2 I think it's Balboa, no, or Naples Island down near Belmont Shore in Long Beach. And it's like a little tiny overpass before you get to Seal Beach.

Speaker 2 And there was a place, yeah, Little Naples, that's it right there. And then look up, I think it's called the Crow's Nest.
It's an old, like,

Speaker 2 how do you make this up? I swear to God, look, Crow's Nest Long Beach. It's an old,

Speaker 2 yep, that's it right there. Oh, the Crow's Nest.
So that is a notorious spot

Speaker 2 for fucking cougars. It's a cougar bar.
Oh, we got to go. Dude, so here I was.
I'm 22 years old or 23. I'd like just moved.
Did you know it was a cougar's bar when you walked in?

Speaker 2 Yeah, we all, everybody knew. Because

Speaker 2 when you live down in Belmont, 2nd Street is like a

Speaker 2 party town. And then Naples is all the retirement people.
So everyone jokes around. They're like, oh, where are you guys going to go to the fucking Crow's Nest?

Speaker 2 And one night, me and a couple buddies were like, yeah, we are going to fucking go to the Crow's Nest. And when we walked over there, we thought, well, we have to do it now.
We we have to commit.

Speaker 2 And we walked in, and everybody turned and looked at us. And we thought, we should get the fuck out of here.
This is so, this is such a bad idea. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And we started drinking, and we're like, we'll have a beer and then we'll leave. Then we talked to a bunch of these women.
We got really fucked up. We started dancing.

Speaker 2 This woman's like, you guys got to come back to my house. I'm divorced and I have a whole house to myself.
We can all party. And this woman was

Speaker 2 very,

Speaker 2 very

Speaker 2 sweet.

Speaker 2 Sweet. What is that? What does this mean?

Speaker 2 Bad breath. She was bad looking.
Oh, I don't know.

Speaker 2 What was the wrestler that had that as a thing?

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah. Okay.
She was not a.

Speaker 2 She was not a.

Speaker 2 I think it was John Cena. She was very nice.
We call them in Spanish, we call them shrimps.

Speaker 2 What? What? Shrimps. That makes no sense.
Why? Yeah, because you can take the head off and then it's bueno.

Speaker 2 Yeah, butterface. Butterface.
We call them Butterface. Yeah, but she was a shrimp.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because that's way funnier now.

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Speaker 2 And by the way,

Speaker 2 in this world, she was a jumbo shrimp.

Speaker 2 You understand? All right.

Speaker 2 I get it. I get it.
Yeah, yeah. So she was a jumbo shrimp.

Speaker 2 And we partied all night. And then it was at the point where people are so drunk and stoned that they're passing out.

Speaker 2 And this girl keeps grab, this woman keeps grabbing my hand to go into a room or go away from the group. And I keep avoiding it, avoiding.
Why, why, why? What?

Speaker 2 I mean, you're there to see the cougar. Yeah, but you get the cougar's attention with the meat.
Uh-huh. Right?

Speaker 2 The cougar gets hungry and gets a honk behind, right? And then you go, no, cougar? No, no, no. I just, there was, I just, she,

Speaker 2 I just, well, don't, don't expose her to the meat. Well, but the meat went bad.

Speaker 2 I was, I had to go home.

Speaker 2 And so I, and she, I was like, no, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 2 And then she like kind of

Speaker 2 assaulted me, if I'm being honest. And she just grabbed your dick? My dick on top of my jeans.
Oh, I love it. Like, I mean, grabbed it hard.
And I loved it.

Speaker 2 No, I'll be honest. Loved it.
Dude, it was so hot. And she just like started kissing me.
You got erect? Immediately. I mean, she just grabbed me and started kissing me.
Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 And then, and then I was like, okay, okay, okay, okay, chill, chill. I got nervous.
And I was like, stop it. I love it.
I love it. And then my buddy Colin,

Speaker 2 he'll remember him. I'm going to get a phone call from him after this here.
And my buddy Colin's, we were living together and he's like, oh, we got to go. I'm like, let's get out of here, man.

Speaker 2 And everyone's kind of packing up and going outside to smoke out front and like get ready to to start walking together.

Speaker 2 And he says, This is from his perspective because I know what happened on my end. But he goes, I'm smoking a cigarette.
I walk out to the street. I get to the street.

Speaker 2 And he goes, I turn around and go, Where's Santino? And he looks up, and I'm up in her room with my head out the window. And I go, I'll see you guys tomorrow.
And I slowly close the window.

Speaker 2 I slept over. You did it? I had a lot of fun.
We had a lot of fun. Oh, he's blushing.
You're blushing. Wow.
How old were you? I was 23. Oh, my God.
What a great experience.

Speaker 2 And she was no less than 50-something, 58, maybe. Wow.
But she had a fucking mansion. I mean, dude, she had just gone through a divorce.
You could tell.

Speaker 2 It must have been a six-bedroom house, like on the beach. It was fucking huge.
And I had to sleep over. But I did have a panic moment in the morning.
Why? Well, I woke up.

Speaker 2 I couldn't believe I was there. Like, I couldn't.
Were you drunk? Were you drunk the night before? We were all drunk. We were all drunk.
All right. So you sobered up.
You're sober.

Speaker 2 Well, I knew what was going on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But I thought when I woke up, I got scared because I thought, do I have to, like, what do I have to do? Do I have to bathe her in the morning?

Speaker 2 What do do I have to do with her? Yeah, massage her feet like do I do I owe her now because I'm her little boy toy like what do I do now? Right.

Speaker 2 And I said I have to go to the bathroom and she goes okay.

Speaker 2 And this is so fucked up, but

Speaker 2 I went downstairs and she's like, there's a bathroom right here. And I was like, no, no, no, I just don't want to use a bathroom in front of you.
And she's like, oh, okay.

Speaker 2 And I went downstairs and I ran. as fast as I could to go home.
And I never talked to her again, never saw her again. Well, she took advantage of little old me.
I was a little boy. No, thank you.

Speaker 2 You ran down the street. I ran as fast as I could.

Speaker 2 No, thank you. I don't know what I thought she was going to come catch me or something.
I don't know why I fucking ran.

Speaker 2 In her wheelchair, just speeding down.

Speaker 2 I got so scared. I didn't know what to do.
I ran as fast as I could to go. I have questions.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay, so when you woke up the next morning, and you're coming to it and you're realizing where you are, right? Yeah. And when you looked at her, right,

Speaker 2 what did it look like?

Speaker 2 I mean, I want to know that feeling.

Speaker 2 What did she look like? What kind of person did she look like? Yeah, so give me an example of a celebrity, but like, you know, and I can, let's start there.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Do you remember in,

Speaker 2 I know exactly what she looked like. I'll tell you exactly what she looked like.
You're going to give me three seconds. Good, good, good.
So I can look it up.

Speaker 2 And I know this is real because he's Googling. I'm going to tell you what.
I'm going to tell you what to Google the girl

Speaker 2 at the club that I did. Okay.
Yeah. Okay.
Will you Google Susan Kellerman? Okay, here we go. This is like going this.

Speaker 2 Do Susan Kellerman Beetlejuice. Do Susan Kellerman Beetlejuice.
I think that's what it was. That woman!

Speaker 2 That is exactly what she looked like. Wow.
The waiting room woman. Wow.
Yes, that is precisely what you...

Speaker 2 And she smoked in the morning, too. So just like this character from Beetlejuice, it's exactly what she looked like.
No, really.

Speaker 2 Because mine was... I feel like that's not real.
There's no way

Speaker 2 there's a bathroom upstairs there's no way dude there's a bathroom upstairs

Speaker 2 you want bath salts too i mean what the fuck dude dude it was it was 06 what do you want mine's cherry jones now cherry jones oh that's what you look like yeah cherry jones now though

Speaker 2 that's kind of what you look like yeah yeah yeah yeah cherry jones now yeah yeah

Speaker 2 oh okay okay yeah

Speaker 2 honestly yeah not bad i like it yeah yeah that's who you get on your dating sites. Yeah.
Cherry Jones. Yeah, yeah.
By the way, what a name, Cherry Jones. Yeah, she's a great friend.
But you know what?

Speaker 2 I had a good time with that woman wherever she is. And, you know, you know where she is, right? Dad.

Speaker 2 Well, she's with my Cherry Jones.

Speaker 2 They're together talking. They have a podcast.
Talking about us. Good friends.
Talking about us. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
What's the oldest person you've hooked up with, Juz?

Speaker 1 Mine's not as fun.

Speaker 2 It was just like me.

Speaker 1 It's not as sad. I'm 19 with the 30-year-old guy.

Speaker 2 Whoa!

Speaker 2 Wait, the women's stories aren't as exciting as the men's stories.

Speaker 2 You told me about this, gentlemen. Yeah.

Speaker 2 A grade A guy. Yeah.
A sweetheart. Yeah.
A prince.

Speaker 2 But some girls your age, you know, because I've been dating, you know, with girls that are in their late 20s and stuff. She's, she's a young, she's, she's 30.
What are you, 31? 32.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but so I've been dating girls in the, you know, you've seen some of the dates, you know, and some of them said, no, I've hooked up with a 60-year-old man. You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 It's like some of their stories are wild.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I think it's when you're like

Speaker 1 in the 15 to 19. It's like weird.
But then once you get even like young 20s, but once you get in mid-20s and on, it's like the age gaps, I don't think.

Speaker 2 Once you get to 24 or 5, then I think a 25-year-old with like a Donald Sterling, you know, like that. Isn't that, remember that? Remember that girl that he was.

Speaker 2 It was like at that age, then it kind of like, it just happens all the time. So you get used to it at that point.
Some 25-year-old is with some 74-year-old man, like this.

Speaker 2 You know, she's not 25, but you know what I mean by that. It's like you see this constantly.
Yeah. Yeah.
She's 30. He's 80.
Yeah. Yeah.
And that is what it is.

Speaker 2 and at 70 is when average men lose some of their sexuality what you like your testosterone a little bit i think it happens at 40. yeah i've heard 30.

Speaker 2 no no seriously well that's that's that's not for me that's a person not for me baby 51.

Speaker 2 50 what is it it's a 51 no but what what's what's the age that men just stop having sex i guess never no there is an age

Speaker 2 70 75. I don't know.
My grandfather was fucking till the end, dog. Really? Yeah.

Speaker 2 He was. Seriously.
He had a girlfriend until he he like died. Between 30 and 40.
Yeah, 30 and 40. That's when the testosterone falls, up 1% every year.

Speaker 1 Damn, it's like losing your egg. Yeah, but can you Google the

Speaker 2 Google?

Speaker 2 When do men... I mean, it's their sex.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 What are you asking, babe? When do men stop ejaculating? Look at that. That's funny.
75 to 85. That's when you what?

Speaker 2 When they like, literally. Sexual life expectancy.
That's such a sad term. I know.
Your sexual life expectancy. Also, by the way, most people are dead by 85, so what's the fucking difference? Yeah.

Speaker 2 But I bet you you you're gonna be coming until you're 80. thank you 100 the best compliment you've ever given me i've given you so many good compliments

Speaker 2 but that's a good one all right i'll give you another one yeah uh because to think that i'll give you another 25 years i'm gonna be fucking it feels like oh it's worth living of course did you not want to live otherwise yeah if

Speaker 2 you know i have to say jesus christ i have to say that you know i've seen you know documentaries and stuff where kids they get a spinal injury and then they can't have sex because you know there's no feeling down there and in my mind it's like, I don't know how I would be able to exist in that state.

Speaker 2 You're saying if you couldn't up, if you couldn't sexually use your penis anymore, you don't want to live. I don't know.

Speaker 2 What about you? If you couldn't use your cho-cha anymore and you couldn't have sex or have any sensation. And by the way, not all people that get paralyzed.

Speaker 2 You know, there's plenty of paraplegics that still have functionality. I'm not accusing anybody of any sensation.
No, no, you're saying.

Speaker 2 I'm not accusing anybody of anything. But what I'm telling you is you don't know, dude.
There's people.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Stephen Hawking.

Speaker 2 He could fuck. Yeah, he fucked are you sure yeah he cheated on his wife and she left him do you not know the story this guy fucking

Speaker 2 uh this what is this diagnosed 21 years of age no no look at dude steven walking he cheated on his fucking wife while he was like fully you want to know something crazy handicapped so he still fucked he went to the island he went to steen's he's he's an empty boy yeah see look He's cheating on her was strongly.

Speaker 2 He denied it, of course, 11 years of marriage,

Speaker 2 but look, he was in that state. Yalel, Bob, good to see you.
Yeah, yeah. Put that pussy on my face, and he could still fuck.
Oh, wow. He could still fuck.
Look at him there.

Speaker 2 That's him right there saying, can I get head?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but he can. Can I get my head? But look at his face, right? He can't look down to see their expressions on their face.

Speaker 2 I'm imagining. You know what I mean? Well, this is what's even funnier.
Zoom in. What is the expression he makes when he comes? I mean, is it, does he go back to normal?

Speaker 2 Yeah. He can stand up for a bit.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Stretches legs.

Speaker 2 He just jumped ejects.

Speaker 2 Can you imagine? He's like this.

Speaker 2 He's getting sucked and he's just like,

Speaker 2 oh,

Speaker 2 yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 He goes right back. It's like Awakenings.

Speaker 2 This is damn good. Amazing.
While we're going to hell.

Speaker 2 No, I don't feel bad if you tell me he went to Steens. No, but what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Dave, there's pictures of it.

Speaker 2 There's pictures of him at Epstein's. Yeah.
Whoa. But I'm not talking about that, though.
What I'm talking about is

Speaker 2 there are people that can't do it. I know.
And I think, you know, I would probably become very spiritual.

Speaker 2 You might become like a great artist. What do you mean? Well,

Speaker 2 if you don't have to focus on fucking,

Speaker 2 you could focus on one thing for the rest of your life. You'd not have to think about like dating and girls and losing your wallet and bullshit.
You would just think just about art.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm doing better in Warzone. Yeah, you're the best Warzone player of all time.

Speaker 2 Look at my KV. Look at this.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I see what you're saying. What would you do, though? What would you do?

Speaker 2 Let's say you lose all feeling in your,

Speaker 2 or you can't have any sexual pleasure in your organs whatsoever. Would you live just to give pleasure if you could never receive?

Speaker 1 I would live for sure. I have lots of other things to live for.

Speaker 2 See? See?

Speaker 2 I like it. I like it.
Well, you made it sound like you don't. I don't.
You do. I like so much to live for.
But here's.

Speaker 2 Can I ask you a question?

Speaker 2 I'm not.

Speaker 1 It makes me nervous whenever you ask me if you can ask for it.

Speaker 2 That's That's the way you phrase it.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 Because I get a little uncomfortable.

Speaker 2 I know. So if a woman feels,

Speaker 2 you know what I mean, no feeling down there through an accident or whatnot,

Speaker 2 a guy could still make love to them, no?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's not saying anything wrong. That's it for us.

Speaker 2 Well, it's not. No,

Speaker 2 they could still have sex. Yeah, but a guy can't, because if a guy's, because he can't get erect if he has no feeling down there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you can, because they can, I mean, there's uh a pump, there's a bunch of different versions. There's a lot of ways to do this, yeah.

Speaker 1 His mouth, his hand, yeah.

Speaker 2 No, but what he's saying, no, but you can.

Speaker 2 Look at Stephen Hawking's eyes.

Speaker 2 He's got a fucking, he's got a hog, dude. He can't even do a fist, dude.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, he's typing the whole time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. I'm fucking you.
I'm fucking you. I'm fucking you.
That's true. No, dude, there's scientific things that can help achieve erection.

Speaker 2 Not only just like boner pills and stuff like that still works. It's just blood flow.
Yeah. But also, there's, there's like pumps, there's gels, there's all sorts of stuff people can use.

Speaker 2 so yeah, you can still imagine, imagine you're it's a wreck, you can't feel anything, and you're just like, Can you keep on your Game Point?

Speaker 2 Well, you get your

Speaker 2 you get because you're just looking.

Speaker 2 Well, I'm sure you're not just looking like a psycho, I'm sure, or you would act, you would kiss, oh, yeah, yeah, suck it, you'd suck a tit, you'd engage, oh, that's right, that's right, that's right, suck a tit and engage, right?

Speaker 2 Apparently, you can have a lot of pleasure in your ears, so they will. Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, because it's yeah, so just do that.

Speaker 2 I I want to say this.

Speaker 2 Just not like that.

Speaker 2 Not like that. Not like that.
That would be so weird. I had somebody,

Speaker 2 this is where Twitter, because Twitter, you're allowed to put up any photo you want. Right.
Right.

Speaker 2 I had somebody say,

Speaker 2 like, oh, congrats on the special or something like that. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And the picture, even the little icon, was pretty racy. And I was like, wow.
Like, it looked

Speaker 2 naked. Do you know what I mean? Yeah.
Of course, I come to find out when I click on it, it's not. It's like a skin-colored bikini.
Like, it looked nude, but it wasn't. Nude-colored bikini.

Speaker 2 And then one of the first photos, or first whatever, it says, watch me play with my new Punani.

Speaker 2 And I was like, oh, I get what you're saying. My new Punani.

Speaker 2 I know what it is. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know. She got a new one.

Speaker 2 He got a new one. Oh.
Well, it was a trans

Speaker 2 woman. Yeah.
And so, and so,

Speaker 2 I was like. Does it have that new car smell, you think? Well, they have the little pine freshener is hanging on.
Oh, really? Yeah, it's either that or light. Oh, it's all really good.

Speaker 2 It's lemon zest, I think. God, it's brand new.

Speaker 2 And so, I was like, I wonder if there's a photo of it. Because I do want to see what it looks like.
Me too. I'm curious.
I've never seen it.

Speaker 2 So I scrolled down, and like the fourth or fifth photo was that right there of the reconstructed,

Speaker 2 because I think, and then, of course, I Googled. I was like, do they tuck it in? Do they, you know, it's like an Audi.
Do they push it as an inn? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 And I had to Google like how how they did all that. Imagine if it was like a, you're like buying a new car, like you're a car lot.
Well, show me the show me the cocky lot.

Speaker 2 Some guy, you know what I mean? A plaid student walks up. Oh, what do you want to see? Show me the cock facts.

Speaker 2 Let me see the history of the cock facts. I want to know what happened to the puss facts.
All right. Show me how many accidents are you? You're getting used to it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're getting a use to it. Oh, yeah, I can't buy new.
Oh, all right. Days are tough.
Yeah. But

Speaker 2 I had to see what it looked like, and

Speaker 2 it's wild. It's wild.
Let me see if it looks something. I've never seen one.
And I don't want to see one. You should do.
So don't go. No, I don't want to see it.
Why not? We won't. Don't go.

Speaker 2 I just don't want to see it right now. Okay.
All right. I want you to explain it to me.

Speaker 2 It looked, it looked like. Does it look like...
Let me ask you some simple questions.

Speaker 2 Is it in the vagina ballpark? Very, very much. Bing.
It looks. Great.
Is there an opening? Oh, yeah. Bing.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm already in. I'm already in.
Still a butthole, by the way. Butthole's right there.
Right. Butthole's still good to go.
But. Bing, that's three.
Bing, right? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Is there lips? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Bing! That's four, right?

Speaker 2 And the final. Right.
Can you still see some of his dick? Yep.

Speaker 2 Bing! Bing!

Speaker 2 Woo!

Speaker 2 Oh, no.

Speaker 2 Wow, wow. No, no, but.
But there's still some there. No, no, no.

Speaker 2 But it looks, I will say, because I'm not making fun. We're not making fun, by the way.
No.

Speaker 2 It looked.

Speaker 2 No, we're not. Yeah, we're not making fun.
I'm serious.

Speaker 2 I want to see.

Speaker 2 I'm being supportive.

Speaker 2 But I had to look. I wanted to know.
I was fucking curious. That's human nature.
I wanted to see. And it looked impressive.
Oh. It's impressive how good they.
Google it. Yeah.

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Speaker 2 I am a little bit worried because I've been gone so long. From where? I'm a little, what do you mean? I've been, I was out of town for a fucking month.

Speaker 2 From here, I was gone. For three and a half weeks, I was gone.

Speaker 2 I was a little worried because we did that benefit show for the comedy store and the money was going to go to the, it still is going to go to the door, guys and girls. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But like, I haven't been there to get the checks and give them the money. Yeah.
So now Richie was like, are you going to keep this money? Oh, my God. I was like, no, I'm not going to keep the money.

Speaker 2 I just haven't been at the club. They've been asking.
I'm sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm glad you brought that up.

Speaker 2 Because I was like, Andrew just skipped town. Yeah, I left.
I took it. I spent it.
No, it's at the comedy store, but also I asked if they could, this is all semantics. This isn't fun.

Speaker 2 But I asked if they could distribute it to them, and they said they won't. We have to do that.
I know. That's a fucking nightmare.
It's a nightmare.

Speaker 2 I was like, why can't you guys just give them the money? We made the money. You have the money.
Give them the money. Why do I have to get the money then divide it up? You do that.

Speaker 2 What, do you have to divide it? Bro, they can't do it because they say it's like a tax thing. So we have to like, we have to just split it up.
I'm just going to get cat.

Speaker 2 I'm going to cash it physically and just hand people cash.

Speaker 1 We've hired a new door guy since then.

Speaker 2 Well, he doesn't. He doesn't get it.
He doesn't get it. No, I'm just a sky.
I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 That was before the, before he got hired after the show. Yeah.
And the reason that the Adora Guys and Girls got it is because of their work for that year, for last year. Yeah.
This new guy? Yeah.

Speaker 2 Fuck off.

Speaker 1 Shout out Chris Riggan.

Speaker 2 And you know what? We're not going to do it next year now. Because of that? Because of this.
Because of this guy? Yeah, because

Speaker 2 of the guy, because of the way that.

Speaker 2 They fucked us. They fucked us.
No, we're going to do it again every year. We'll do it every year.
It feels really good. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But people have been asking now. People are like, when are we going to get that money? They've been asking me, too.

Speaker 1 Everyone forgets about it, and then somebody will remember it, and they'll be like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, because we have a check there and I haven't been at the comedy store store in a month. Do you know what the check is? No, I have no idea how much it's for, but I'm gonna go get it.

Speaker 2 Next week, when I come back, I'm getting it, and everyone's gonna get cash because I'm not gonna fucking play this game. Make sure you have a list of all the names and stuff.

Speaker 2 You know, she gave them to me. She gave me the names.
Oh, you did? Yeah, and I'm gonna make sure that guy's not on it.

Speaker 1 How funny if you just never give us money and you do this whole benefit show every year?

Speaker 2 That's kind of funny. And get the credit for it.
Yeah. You think I would do that? No.
No, but all the work I put into putting it together? No. What a sad twist.

Speaker 2 We watched a movie the other day, Being There. Have you seen it? Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait. Bring it up because I want to see.
Being there? Yeah. You love that movie.

Speaker 2 How many times have you watched that? A thousand times.

Speaker 1 I think I have seen that.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. I remember this movie.
I remember this movie. Yeah.
Anyone listening right now, Bad Friends, it's a great fucking movie. Is it as good as my movie that just came out?

Speaker 2 House Party?

Speaker 1 Which one? Which one?

Speaker 2 So I went to go see House Party

Speaker 2 in the theater. Great.

Speaker 2 And I went with my cousin and the old lady. 29% 29%'s fine.

Speaker 2 It's fine. We're getting better.

Speaker 2 Yeah, what did Kevin Harthing get? I think it was like 13. Oh, yeah, yeah.
So it's getting better. It's rising.
So we went to go see the movie. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And I will say, I am not, I'm going to put this out in public right now. Okay.
I'm not making a joke. I'm not making fun.
Okay.

Speaker 2 The movie's great. It was deeply unfunny and downright tiresome, Katie Walsh from Trivia News.
Thank you, Katie Walsh.

Speaker 2 No, I'm not making fun. But you know how we're in the first row with the bar, you know, with the bar where you can put your feet up.
Do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah,

Speaker 2 down below you is handicap seats. Yeah.
Now, most of the time, you can't sit in those. They bar you from buying them.

Speaker 2 You have to buy them at the location because you have to prove that you're also handicapped and you need them. Where is the premiere? No, no, no.
This is just in theaters. I was gone for the premiere.

Speaker 2 I was in New York. Oh, so you went to go see it in theater? I just wanted to go see it.
I was like, let me go support. I'll go see it.
Let me go see it. I just want to see what it looks like.

Speaker 2 Exciting. You're in a movie.
You're paying a ticket for the thing. That must be exciting.
No. No, I knew what was going into it.
I was like, uh-oh. I could feel it on the internet.
Uh-oh.

Speaker 2 You know, I knew. All right.
Okay. I knew, I knew, I knew.
Okay. But I was like, I'd like to go see and support it.
Who cares? It'll be fun. Yeah.
So my cousin, me, the old lady, we go.

Speaker 2 And we're sitting there. And

Speaker 2 17,

Speaker 2 20 minutes in, in comes a rather large group of handicapped people.

Speaker 2 And they, most of the time, those, because those chairs are reserved for physical handicaps, you can wheelchair in. That's why there's seats missing.

Speaker 2 But this was a group of handicap adults that were with

Speaker 2 a person, and they were physically, not physically handicapped, but mentally handicapped.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 they were so much funnier than the movie.

Speaker 2 It was unfucking real.

Speaker 2 I was having so much fun laughing with them, with them. Yeah, yeah, with them.
Because genuinely,

Speaker 2 LeBron James hologram would come on. Yeah.
And he would start whooping and hollering. Yeah.
Like, champ, champ.

Speaker 2 I was dying. It was so much fun.
Right. Because

Speaker 2 this couldn't. It's like, you know how when like, you're like, how can I follow that? Right.
You know, on stage, it was like, they were so fucking funny. And then at the end,

Speaker 2 he stood up and the credits are rolling and they're showing

Speaker 2 bloopers. Yeah.
And he stands up and he goes like this, one of the kids. Yeah.
Kids. He's a man.
Yeah. And he puts his arm, wings out.

Speaker 2 Wings out. And he literally goes, Hollywood, Hollywood, it did 100 years of a golden cinema and a beauty.

Speaker 2 I think he thought he was, you know, how on the arc light they talk to you. I love it.
He was doing a show. And he, and so we sat, and everybody, like, people, people literally went like this.

Speaker 2 They got up to go and then they sat back down

Speaker 2 to see what he was going to do. Oh, wow.
And he and he kept going, cinnamon in a golden age.

Speaker 2 Television. No.
Movies. I love it.
Cinema. And he kept saying cinema.
He said cinema like six times. And then he kept, and then he, but his arms were big.

Speaker 2 And he was actually a pretty big guy. And we're like four feet away from him.
So a piece of me thought, what if he grabs me? Yeah, yeah. Because they can fuck you up.
Also,

Speaker 2 did you think that he was going to turn around, see you? Because

Speaker 2 what are the odds? I don't think he really watched much of the movie.

Speaker 2 They were just having a good time. Oh, I see it.
Like,

Speaker 2 they kept coming in and out of the room. They left like six times.
Yeah. One guy threw popcorn on his buddy, like not all of it, but like a good amount of it.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 And he laughed and then he threw it back on him.

Speaker 2 They were having a fun, dude. They were having more fun than anybody could have had with the film.
But this guy was my favorite because he was like,

Speaker 2 he was doing his like speech, his like open speech. And then I thought, this has got to have some kind of ending or it's going to be a little strange.

Speaker 2 So then he literally, in the middle of talking, it was so cool. He was like,

Speaker 2 the years have gone by, then,

Speaker 2 and he just walked out of the room. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 He left.

Speaker 2 How hard did you laugh? Oh, I clapped. We clapped.
Oh, that's amazing. No, we did.
We clapped. I'm dead serious.

Speaker 2 Just to give him some love. I was like, all right, fuck yeah.

Speaker 2 But that was, that was better than the movie. Wow.
And I'm not, look, I'm not being rude to the movie.

Speaker 2 The movie, the movie. No, be honest.
It was. I didn't.
They tried. We tried.

Speaker 2 You guys tried. I didn't.

Speaker 2 I'm not in the movie. I'm barely in it.
But it just doesn't hum the way I wanted it to hum. Right.
I wanted wanted it to be good so bad. I just, it was, there were really funny moments.

Speaker 2 It's hard to make a good movie. No, it's a nightmare.
It stinks. Making a good movie is like the hardest thing in the fucking world.

Speaker 2 But it's fun. The first movie I was in, Harold Kumar, I went to the theater and I did the worst, the worst thing ever.
Wait, what happened in that? Did they hit you with something or someone? No.

Speaker 2 In Harolyn Kumar?

Speaker 2 Harold and Kumar III, they hit me with eggs. They hit you with eggs.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But the very first one, right, my first movie, I went to the theater, bought a ticket.
It's a great movie.

Speaker 2 I went to the Premiere 2. Yeah.
But I went and bought a ticket. And when the lights went out in the theater, I thought people would recognize me.
So I would do this thing.

Speaker 2 I know.

Speaker 2 And no one gave a shit. You and I are the polar opposite.

Speaker 2 I have a hat, a hoodie. I'm so scared.

Speaker 2 Me, I'm just, I'm dressed like the character in the movie.

Speaker 2 I'm walking like, you know what I mean? Like, yeah, and that was the last time I did that. No one gives a shit.
Well, I know, that's why I except my cousin was like, what if somebody sees you?

Speaker 2 And I was like, people may recognize me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, there you go. That was when I got hit by the eggs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that. I said, people may recognize me in the lobby, but they're not going to notice that I'm in the theater.
No one's paying attention enough in a movie theater to notice that's you. Right.

Speaker 2 Although I will say this. Uh-huh.

Speaker 2 Say it. Just say it.
Embarrassing. Is it embarrassing? Not for me.
Okay. But there is a scene.
It's a big party scene. Yeah.
And this is how you reminded that you're in Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 A girl behind us audibly, audibly kept going, oh, that's me, that's me, that's me, that's me. No.
To her friend. She was a background actor in the party scene.
And, dude, I have proof.

Speaker 2 You can fucking.

Speaker 2 We were sitting there, all of us kept looking at each other like, why is she doing that? But it was under her breath, but loud, where she would go, oh, that's me, that's me.

Speaker 2 I'm right there, I'm right there. And you can hear her friend going, I know, I know, I see it.
Yeah. I know, I see it.
And she kept going,

Speaker 2 I'm right.

Speaker 1 Then she was sitting behind you, not in front of you.

Speaker 2 Right behind me.

Speaker 2 I match with a girl, right? And on her Instagram, you know the story.

Speaker 2 You can title it. Yeah.
It said, I made it.

Speaker 2 I made it. Yeah.
I click on it.

Speaker 2 And it's this low-budget movie. She made it.
Right. Did she make it physically?

Speaker 2 And I had to watch it four times to see where she was in the thing.

Speaker 2 You see this much of her face in a crowd.

Speaker 2 I'm not kidding you.

Speaker 2 Right? Yeah. Like less than Brian Callan in the Joker.
Yeah, the back.

Speaker 2 The back side of somebody. It was like this, and she was like, I made it.
I'm in Hollywood. She did, though.
Maybe that's a good idea. I know, but what I'm saying is it's just doing delusional thing.

Speaker 2 It's too delusional thing. It's a little much.
Yeah. But she did make it, though.
To her, to her.

Speaker 2 I want to say something arrogant right now. Do it, baby.
You want? Do it, baby.

Speaker 2 if you have a line you can say that right if you're a speechless you didn't make it don't you think or no no oh so you think if you're just if you're working you if your elbow's in it your ear you did it you're a piece of the project all right you're right yeah that's how i feel that's not how you feel that's not how you feel here's what it is yeah yeah i don't i i all levels of it are different but also i think it's strange like what that girl did which is like yelling i yes that's what it bothered me well it was weird no it's not weird it bothers you.

Speaker 2 No, isn't it weird? That's weird. No, it's not weird.
You're like, no, no, seriously. No, you're, no.
I don't care. Yes, you do.
No, I'm telling you. I don't care that she celebrated her win.

Speaker 2 I just think it's strange to do it loud enough that other people hear.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That's a strange thing. So, nowhere in your mind,

Speaker 2 you thought, I'm actually in this movie, and I don't give a shit. What the fuck? No,

Speaker 2 piece of my mind actually went, I'm in this movie, and I don't want anybody to know I'm in this fucking movie. Yeah, and so that irritated you.
No, but what I'll say is, I feel like a jerk right now.

Speaker 2 No, no, it's a drink. Because everything, everything I'm saying, you're going against, and now I feel like a fucking derhole.
Part of the show. I feel like a fucking asshole.

Speaker 2 I thought I was being real and talking about how I felt. That is how I.
You know what, dude? I should have your point of view. They did make it.
Okay. She made it.
She made it. Yeah, yeah.
But can I.

Speaker 2 Congratulations. Okay, so I'll tell you one more.
What happened to me today in the Uber.

Speaker 2 In the Uber today. Okay.
The guy goes, he's wearing a Yankees hat or something. And something how New York came up.
I said, oh, I'm going to New York in the morning.

Speaker 2 And he was like, he's like, man, I love New York. I'm like, me too.
I'm going to go spend some time over there this year. I want to, you know, go there for a little while.

Speaker 2 And he's like, you're going to move to New York? I was like, well, I mean, you know, informally. And he's like, wow.
So you're leaving L.A.

Speaker 2 And I was like, well, I'm not, I'm not like leaving. And he's like, just giving up, huh?

Speaker 2 I swear to God.

Speaker 2 He said the word, so you're giving up? And I was like, no, I mean, I'm not.

Speaker 2 He goes, all right, well, just fill me in. I've only been here for a couple of years.
Like, what is and he hasn't looked at me really wants in the rear view. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like, he doesn't even look me in the eye. He's kind of speaking just as he's staring.
Not like it would matter, but like, we didn't even make eye contact.

Speaker 2 He was just staring, and he just goes, As someone who's only been here for two years, what is it that made you kind of quit?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and he goes, Is it relationships? Is it your career? Like, I think it's just not panning out, yeah. And I was like, No, no, I'm very happy.
I'm very happy.

Speaker 2 And he was like, Yeah, but what's making you like,

Speaker 2 yeah, what'd you want to say, though?

Speaker 2 What? What'd you want to say?

Speaker 2 The things that you're saying right now is what sounds good

Speaker 2 to people listening, right?

Speaker 2 And you wouldn't say it out loud, even in that film. I could never say

Speaker 2 doing you great. Yeah, that's what that's.
But you want to say it. No, I don't want to say it.
It's just. No, you do.
No, no, no. But you don't say it because it sounds gross.
I want to say it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I want to say it.

Speaker 2 I want to say things are really good. Too many pepperazzi.
I'm on leaving.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, there's an Uber X, so there's not much you can say.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.
It's an Uber X. All right.
Because if I was like, I'm doing great, so good. He'd be like,

Speaker 2 there's an Uber X. Right.
And you didn't pay for priority. Yeah.
Like, he dropped someone off and then he got me. Right.
So I couldn't say anything.

Speaker 2 But I didn't want to, but it does feel weird when someone's like, so you gave up? And you're like, no, I didn't. No.
Yeah. I didn't give up.
Yeah. No, I'm doing great.

Speaker 2 And they're like, no, but you're wrong. But you're giving up.
Yeah. I'm not giving up.

Speaker 2 I'm giving up.

Speaker 2 I'm giving up. He's right, though.
I am.

Speaker 2 I'm giving up and I'm giving and I'm getting out.

Speaker 1 Why are you doing that?

Speaker 2 Because it's just.

Speaker 2 He's not leaving.

Speaker 2 He's absolutely not leaving. That's how gross this thing is.
He's not moving. I am.
You're not. I am.
It sounds like he is. You're not.
Okay. I think that was blocked.

Speaker 2 What did I say if you did?

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm done.
With the podcast? Yeah, you're staying.

Speaker 2 No, I'm being real. I'm not fucking around.
You're coming. You're coming to New York.
I'm not going to New York. Yeah, you are.
No. If you had a job there.
I do. No, you don't.
Yeah, we do.

Speaker 2 We're shooting you there.

Speaker 2 What is?

Speaker 2 I can't say it. I can tell you off air.

Speaker 2 No, you're lying. I swear to God.

Speaker 2 I swear to God. There's nothing that you could be shooting there that you'd have to move there.
For three months, yeah.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Maybe more. No.

Speaker 2 That's bullshit. Well, who knows?

Speaker 2 Well, why don't you just admit that you're afraid to lose me

Speaker 2 as a friend and a homie? Why don't you just admit that you're afraid of me going away? Well, it's not. Let's explore that.
Nothing to do with the show. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Just admit that you're sad that I would be gone.

Speaker 2 I think what I'm sad about is like, you know,

Speaker 2 I don't think that John and Paul did better after the Beatles. They just kind of carved their own way.
Oh, wow. Right? But it's still not the Beatles.
Are you, John?

Speaker 2 I'm whatever you want me to be in this. I know you're going to say, you're going to make a joke.
I'm Pete Best. You know what?

Speaker 2 You know who you and I really are? What?

Speaker 2 We're Ringo and fucking George Harrison. That's fine.
Yeah, that's more. I'll be Ringo.
I'll be Ringo in the scenario. No, no, no.
I'm Ringo. I play drums.
Okay, what is she then? Oh, Yoko. No.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Gobby's Yoko.
Yoko. Gobby's Yoko.
Linda McCartney. Yeah, Linda.
Linda McCartney. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So I was at the same thing that happened to me. I was at a meeting in San Diego.

Speaker 2 And, you know, no one knew at this men's meeting, no one knew who I was. And afterwards.
I bet somebody knew who you were.

Speaker 2 Maybe, but like, you know, and sometimes, you know, after the meeting, I'm a guy from out of town. They go, hey, we're going to go eat at this diner.
So I go, I'll eat with you. They love diners.

Speaker 2 Right. And they asked me, they go, what do you do? Some guy asked me.
He had overalls on older white man.

Speaker 2 And I go, I just stand up and it's a podcast. He's like, yeah, but you know, Asian kid like yourself, she's going to college, man.
You want to make money, don't you? Is every white guy a racist in AI?

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 2 He's like, you want to make money, don't you? I mean, because, you know, these are dreams and these kind of dreams. You're sober now, man.
You should take responsibility. Oh, go to college.

Speaker 2 And I wanted to say what you wanted to say in that column.

Speaker 2 Because I'm fucking killing it. Yeah, but you can't say it.
No, because you're a little bit more. So I went, you're right, man.
I'll think about it. Maybe I'll go to Palomar Junior College.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? And just like figure out a vocation. But one day that guy's going to be taking a shit, coming through YouTube.
Yeah. See you.
Not say YouTube. Everyone's on YouTube.

Speaker 2 One day that guy's going to be taking a shit. Watching what? He's going to be watching Pornhub.

Speaker 2 See you. Right, right.
And then be like, that guy's killing. Yeah, yeah.
His dreams came true. But that's, is it the same kind of thing? Yeah.
Yeah. It's fucking annoying.
It's annoying.

Speaker 2 And you don't say anything. Well, I mean, look, you, I bet you, Juice, you've had this at your, at your level, even still on the come up where you're like, and we're still on the come up.

Speaker 2 That's the funny thing. So I was trying to tell someone, it's like, it never stops.
But I bet you where you're at, someone has said something to you where you're like, no, I'm like doing good.

Speaker 2 Like things are going good. But they talk to you like it's like your little, like, yeah, your little comedy bullshit dream.
Is that, do you feel that? Have you ever had that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, I've had that. I've had it where, like, um, people will be really nice, but they'll be giving me all sorts of advice, right? And I'm like, oh, and I go, oh, thank you.

Speaker 2 Oh, so from so paid regulars, yeah, and like, and

Speaker 2 you know, that's got to fucking make you mad.

Speaker 1 No, well, it makes me kind of like uncomfortable because I'm like, I don't want to tell them, I, I don't want to be like, I know,

Speaker 2 but, but, but I, I had an express, so somebody,

Speaker 2 I'm not gonna to name name, but I was talking to you at the comedy store, and when I departed, another comic came up to me. He goes, who is that? And I go, I wanted to say this.
Oh, that girl?

Speaker 2 She's got a career and you don't. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 But because you forgot my name.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 2 No, no. I don't.
No, I wanted to like. I don't know who she is, but I know who she is.

Speaker 2 No, but it was like one of those things where it's just like, I want to, you know, me really just, you know, go, no, that's the future.

Speaker 2 Well, it's like, have you ever had it where like somebody gives you tags or joke notes that you, quite frankly, don't want tags or joke notes from? Yeah. That fucking breaks my soul to pieces.

Speaker 2 When somebody, I have had so many. When somebody gives you like a tag or a joke note that you're like, well, do you think I would listen to you?

Speaker 2 Like the person you'd want to give you a joke note or a tag? Yeah. That works in every career.

Speaker 2 Like the person you would want to give you filmmaking, script notes, directorials, they would never give them to you.

Speaker 2 I have a text. I'm going to show you.
This happened to me. You've heard the phrase, those who can't tag.

Speaker 2 Those who can't tag.

Speaker 2 It's just crazy to me when I've had people do that, and you're like, I would look like an asshole if I said anything other than, oh, cool, man. So, this guy right here, right?

Speaker 2 I tried a joke for the first time last week. Okay.
But that's, he's trying to fix the joke. Yeah.
But I already knew what the problem was. Yeah, I see it.
No, I see it. That's not, I get that.

Speaker 2 That's not the joke. Right.
So what I'm saying is I tried it the second time. Now it's a part of my repertoire.
It's doing well, right? Yeah. But it's that bullshit that I get all the time.

Speaker 2 It's the wrong thing. Yeah.

Speaker 2 It's the wrong thing. You saw who it was from? Yeah, I did.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 But that would, but I think that's, I think this is a lesson for people in life to get back to listeners for all of our fans.

Speaker 2 Don't think you're bigger than you are. Is that what it is? Because when people think they're bigger than they are,

Speaker 2 they think they can.

Speaker 2 I didn't see that coming.

Speaker 2 Well, don't think that you can impart your shit.

Speaker 2 Don't offer advice unless somebody wants it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if I want to give a tag, because sometimes I like giving tags to my friends. Yeah.
I know them really well, but I always just go like, hey, can I give you a tag?

Speaker 1 Because I don't want to just go up and give it, you know.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you know, there's a rhythm to it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you find a good time.

Speaker 2 And also, you get it. If it's me and him, it would be a...
It would just, it's,

Speaker 2 you know, when it's appropriate. Yeah.
You'd, everybody fucking knows.

Speaker 2 Everybody knows the rhythm of it where you'd be like, if I came to you and I said privately, I was like, Bob, when you did that, da-da-da-da-da.

Speaker 2 And the, you know, you know what, you know what, you know, it'd be fucking amazing. Yeah.
But you take that differently than when somebody just throws stuff at you that you don't know that well.

Speaker 2 Like, Griffin does it all the time, and 60% of the time he's right. Yeah.
And I listen to him. Yeah.
Sometimes like, I don't think so. But like, sometimes like, oh, I'll try it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 But you got to do it in his voice. I can't.

Speaker 2 Try it. Hey, man.

Speaker 2 You got to do it this way. Man, you got to do it this way, Bob.
So anyway,

Speaker 2 wow, what an interesting podcast today. We've been all over the place.

Speaker 2 Juice, how close are we to getting you in your own apartment?

Speaker 1 Really close. I'm just waiting

Speaker 1 to decide what to do. Like when the tour comes out, if we're gone for a whole month, I'd feel like I shouldn't get the place right before we go.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So I might wait to get the place after we get back.

Speaker 2 And Juice, you can honestly, and this is going to sound, you're not going to do this, but if you literally needed some help

Speaker 2 financially, you can always go to us.

Speaker 2 Well, thank you guys.

Speaker 1 You know that, right? But this whole thing is another stream of income, so it's already been such a great help. I'm calculating my income and everything, and I'm

Speaker 1 doing better than I thought it was.

Speaker 2 I want you to get your own place.

Speaker 1 I think I can do it, and you guys are helping me.

Speaker 1 You know, you go so long with making so little that now that I'm starting to make a little bit more, I'm like afraid to spend it because I'm afraid it's going to end.

Speaker 1 But what's happening is I'm only getting more opportunities. So I just need to take the jump and the risk and just do it.

Speaker 2 So if you look at your bank account, you can see a rise in your savings.

Speaker 1 Yeah. That's awesome.
Yeah. And I think I'm ready to get the place, but now it's just a timing thing.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Well, when we get back.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because I could get it. I could go out and look, but I don't think it'd be better to wait until after we're gone for almost two months.

Speaker 2 Maybe, but also maybe it'd be nice to come home to a place that's your. I mean, I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it would be.

Speaker 2 We'll support it either way. We'll figure it out either way because we want you to have your own place.

Speaker 1 It'll be really exciting.

Speaker 2 Because at one point in your life, you're not going to ever live alone again.

Speaker 1 What do you mean?

Speaker 2 Well, you either get married and live with somebody or like Bobby, where you have a house full of vigilante fucking Filipinos. Well, you know, this week they're moving.
It makes me... What?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're packing. It's so sad.
Oh, God. I think it's amazing.

Speaker 2 It's going to be so lonely. Wait, where's everybody going? They got a house.
In the Philippines. No.

Speaker 2 In L.A.,

Speaker 2 they're letting them stay. Yes.
I thought you were like a guardian. I called.

Speaker 2 NSA, I called them. Wait, so they got a house? Yeah.
Oh, wow. The girls are gone.
Yeah, they're leaving. What would you like? Would you like me to move in?

Speaker 2 We'd have so much fun if we lived together. We would kill each other.
No, because I'm never home and you're always home. Oh, that's true.
You'd be there and I'm never there.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but then you're going to make me get stuff. Well, like what? Get the cheese.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? Like a random check. I'm going to go to the garage store and get the cheese.

Speaker 2 Of course, with you, I know we would fucking order Amazon delivery.

Speaker 2 I i know but can i get the cheese for you yeah get the cheese yeah i want to get the cheese yeah i want to get the mexican cheese so wait let's be real for a second okay you you are going to be living alone yeah are you a little scared of living i'm really it's sad bob because now we're like i'm like take the take the lamp take the lamp oh my god it's like that yeah what about the animals the animals are gone all of them the four dogs yes oh my god so nothing's gonna be no animals the cats are at the house yes are you gonna get a dog at the house again no that's it Yeah.

Speaker 2 You're not going to miss it. I can't do dog.
You love dogs. I get so hungry.

Speaker 2 But you're done. Yeah.

Speaker 2 So give me, be real. No jokes.

Speaker 2 Your first thought when you think about being in the home alone, what's your very first thought that goes through your mind?

Speaker 2 Silence.

Speaker 2 You can invite girls over. No.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but

Speaker 2 you know, what's great about my house is true.

Speaker 2 There's always

Speaker 2 people there.

Speaker 2 And there's laughter. Communal.
And communal and camaraderie. A sense of family.
Yeah. And when that's gone, it's going to be an empty, cold house.

Speaker 2 How can you change that?

Speaker 2 You know what you could do is invite over more friends. I was going to say human trafficking.

Speaker 2 Okay, yeah, that's a good idea.

Speaker 2 That's a good idea. That's actually a really, really good idea.
That's what I was going to say, but I think that's wrong. But I think you can invite over more friends.

Speaker 2 Why don't you invite more people over?

Speaker 2 You know what you could do? You could do like the Pauly thing. Just befriend up-and-coming comic, let them stay at your house.

Speaker 2 Well, this is a message to all young comics out there right now. No, no, no, no, that's not.
Go up to Bob.

Speaker 1 He did that to you, didn't he? You stay in Polly's house.

Speaker 2 You stayed at Polly's house.

Speaker 1 You stayed in the studio, right? Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I paid rent. Yeah, they can't do it.
And it wasn't a part of his house. It was a completely different building.

Speaker 2 But then you can do this where you don't make the guys and girls pay rent that live with you. You just want the camaraderie in the family and the community.

Speaker 1 I'll tell the door guys right now.

Speaker 2 Yes, Juice, do that.

Speaker 1 We can all stay with you?

Speaker 2 No, no, no, no. Yeah, you can.

Speaker 2 You could spend the night one night. I have a bed.
One night?

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I can't move all my stuff.

Speaker 2 I'm just trying to be real. Let's be real.
It's going to be lonely. I've got an idea.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 This is actually perfect. This is perfect to what we just talked about.
Juice gets out of her place before we go on tour. Stores all her shit at your house.
Yes.

Speaker 2 So when she comes back, she doesn't have to pay for this place that she isn't living at. She stores at your house.
Then she spends a little bit of time at your house when we're in the house.

Speaker 2 Downstairs. In the bedroom.
Donstairs. In the bedroom, downstairs.
Then when we get back. She alerts to cats.
No, I love cats. All right.
So you can stay there for homework.

Speaker 2 So let's her put your stuff in you for a couple months. One month's time.
A couple months. Two months.
Okay.

Speaker 2 No, no, no.

Speaker 1 What if things got weird, though, if I lived with you?

Speaker 2 Why? Like, in what way?

Speaker 1 I don't know. Like,

Speaker 1 I'm hanging out in the kitchen and you come home with a young girl.

Speaker 2 You don't hang with me. You don't hang out in the kitchen first of all.

Speaker 1 Okay, I stay in my room.

Speaker 2 You stay in your fucking room. Okay.
Well, downstairs, there's a bathroom and, you know, a bedroom. And you have all the little thing fixings down there.

Speaker 1 You're not going to open the door and

Speaker 2 like moon me or something. No.
And do what? Like a meerkat? Would you say?

Speaker 2 Moon me or something. Dude, imagine when she takes off and she doesn't talk to us.
I know. I can tell.

Speaker 2 And then we're like, and then the boys call her and they're like, and Fancy's like, hey, Jesse, I've called you three times.

Speaker 2 We have to shoot tonight. What are you? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And a text comes in from her phone and says, this is Jesse's assistant.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Jesse will get back to you when she's going to be.
This is Jesse's assistant's assistant. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Or she comes to the store, she sees us in the hallway, and she goes the other way around.

Speaker 2 Oh, that would burn.

Speaker 2 She goes through the office kitchen way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Well, she's fancy like that. I do that a lot.
I go through the kitchen way. Yeah.
Sometimes I don't want to say hi. Who does it the most, though? Out of you two? Oh, yeah.
Sebastian.

Speaker 2 Sebastian's the king of there. Well, out of me, I do it a lot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you and Sebastian both do that. But occasionally, there will be a night where you'll like talk to everybody and it's fun.

Speaker 1 But Sebastian's like in and out, in and out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I do talk to people sometimes. I just sometimes

Speaker 2 want to go in the store, but because then you have to say hi to everybody on the patio. What am I like?

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're very social. Yeah, you love it.
Yeah, you get there early and you leave late.

Speaker 2 Thank you. It's fun.
Thank you for being a bad friend.

Speaker 2 They don't throw anything in. No, they don't.
No, they don't throw anything. Never once has someone gone.
When you walk in, imagine, okay, but here's why.

Speaker 2 If you walk in, if they go, hi, and you go, hey. But if they went, what did he say? Hello in Korean?

Speaker 2 If they go,

Speaker 2 they'd be like,

Speaker 2 no, he slipped. That's why he did.
I slipped. Do it again.

Speaker 2 That was like my words were like,

Speaker 2 why don't you guys have little fun add-ins? Like, Japanese always like,

Speaker 2 because 20,000 years ago when they were developing the language, I wasn't there. You should, dude.
Because if I was at that meeting, oh, there'd be all kinds of crazy stuff.

Speaker 2 I guess you hear a whoop, whoop, whoop whoop, whoop. Yeah, yeah, different things.